#and i’m tired. also. i want to go home | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zodiacsea · 5 months

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brother. i want to go home

#i have a stupid meeting with hr where i’m fairly certain she’s just going to be like ‘we r not even interviewing u for this position. die’#which could be an email. but she insists on an in person meeting #also ramz is sick so it’s a matter of time u til i’m sick.#and it’s the end of the month so i’m broke rn bc i only get paid once a month #and i’m tired. also. i want to go home #漫言

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thecaroliner · 2 months

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I’m now finding myself furious at the vet. it took nearly 2 years for him to get diagnosed with a low thyroid. all they did was treat the symptoms (btw the treatments were BARELY working) and let him just waste away. it wasn’t until January this year when a vet who was only at the office for that week saw him and got him a diagnosis. and then he was thriving.

come to find out this past week that low thyroid can cause pancreatitis! which the vet didn’t bother to treat! just barely treated the symptoms except pancreatitis is serious and needs to be treated ASAP.

my dog was - mostly - fine a week ago. and now he’s gone. and I know that all these “what if” scenarios do no good. maybe treatment wouldn’t have helped, but none of them even bothered to really try

needless to say as soon as JJ’s contract with this vet is up I’m taking her somewhere else.

#shut up caroline #tw pet death #the worst thing in the world is coming home after going out. my house is so empty and lonely #JJ greets me but Chibi was always much more excited to see me #I just want him back #I went out to dinner and was feeling okay and then i took one step into my house and immediately broke down again #I keep thinking I see him laying in his bed #I’m tired of crying but I’m also scared for the day where it doesn’t hurt as much and I can think about him and not cry #I’m afraid of it not hurting this bad one day

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archduke-enver-gortash · 9 days

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the clearer my vision gets for how gortash processes zeke the less i can describe it.

#i am merely flesh and blood i can’t put it into words lol!#it’s all abstract metaphors. like what do i do with ‘he wants the moment a babe opens its eyes for the first time and chew on it until #nothing is left’ what do you do with that.#zeke is his archnemesis but also inherently his child/ultimate creation through destruction because of that #taking apart the walls of your home piece by piece and replacing them with ones that will fall down on you…#gort is braining baby zeke with a precise hammer strike and eating the contents (his meat seasoned with suffering)#still thinking about viscera in a baby crib btw. that sparked a whole thing. gort keeping it among his other zeke trophies…#i’m so tired i completely forgot where i was going with this but. have whatever this is i guess #cheers for filial cannibalism or whatever

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skoulsons · 1 year

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im going through withdrawals and am touch starved bear with me

joel and ellie riding on a motorcycle. joel talking her through everything before they even get on because he has to make sure she’s safe. joel making sure her helmet fits and is on snug. joel putting his own helmet on and pressing the foreheads of their helmets together. snug? snug.

“remember, hold-“

“hold on to you tight, don’t have my helmet too close to yours, and keep my feet… off the ground.”

“Just perch ‘em on the pegs. Don’t touch the wheels.”

“Got it.”

joel kicking the stand up and waiting for ellie to climb behind him. ellie using his shoulders to balance herself and get comfortable.

“You good?”

she settles her hands around his waist and smiles beneath her helmet. “I’m good.”

they ride. joel keeps their speed on the slower side as ellie gets comfortable. he has to remind her once (or twice) don’ hug me too tight with a brief hand over hers as she loosens her grip (joel turned and leaned farther to the side than ellie was expecting). he speeds up after a while, the sleeves of her sweatshirt and the hair sticking out of her helmet blowing every direction

once they’re back home, ellie excitedly hops off when joel says it’s safe to and she whips her helmet off, joel parking the motorcycle beside their house.

her helmet comes off and some of her hair sticks up, joel laughing and smoothing it over. “Have fun?”

“Fuck yeah! You gotta teach me, joel! Can we do a wheelie next time?”

“No, you are not learning,” he says, hand still on her head.

she looks up at him, a clever smirk on her lips. “…so we can do a wheelie next time?”

joel sighs and closes his eyes. He brings his hand to back of her neck and leans over to kiss her hairline before pulling back to look at her. “No.”

#it’s giving #no ❤️#don’t know WHAT this is I am very tired and have not had restful sleep on this trip #hotel room pull outs will do that to you #im also going through withdrawals of them like I said #even though I have screenshots and clips and gifs and a max account and a YouTube where I can easily find then #but i still feel like I’m with drawling #I just want to get home and nap and write more of my fic and make actual coherent thought #which this is not #L writes

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idiotwithoutagoodname · 6 months

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The audiodrama/queer media experience is having the one good episode of fluff to forget you are consuming a horror/drama and then be surprised when the mcs don’t get to run away together to live their merry gay lives the way they promised in said good episode.

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curiosity-killed · 2 months

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The thing about dance rn for me is that I’m like “I know I should stay home but I rlly want to go to dance” even though I had class/rehearsal last night and have class/rehearsal tomorrow because I want non-company class but it’s still with the assistant artistic director of the company but it’s Different

#also bc I want to take it on pointe #and honestly there’s like a 0% chance of me actually doing what I need to do if I stay home tonight #so I probably am going to go and then just be so tired #per usual #my legs are sore af from yesterday’s Pt/class #but my feet looked rlly good in rehearsal so 🤔 maybe I am onto something #personal #I’m so ready to pass out in this Uber tho #the week of staying up till 1 rlly caught up to me all at once

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redemptiionss · 4 months

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Sometimes I just think there’s something deeply wrong with me idk

#txt #where did this fear of forming attachments come from #and my fear of being in committed relationship with someone #and just etc #idk I think I’m destined to die alone lol #lol #and not to mention the ✨depression✨#seriously my life is just work home work home every day #and on weekends I just don’t go anywhere except to the damn grocery store #but also I’m always just too tired to do anything outside of that #sometimes I don’t really enjoy work #but it’s also the only thing that gets me up in the mornings during the week #and I’m getting older. I’m not getting any younger #who am i gonna want? I have not had any interest in any guy/man in a long time lol #and frankly it’s hard for me if I don’t trust men #I guess the truth is that I have no love for men irl #don’t get me wrong. I’m a straight woman. who’s unfortunately had unpleasant experiences with men in the past lol #but anyways. also with me getting older. who’s gonna want me lol.#also there’s the added factor of me being Deaf 😂 there was never really a lot of fish in the sea for me to begin with

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ygodmyy20 · 7 months

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I had a one day (like 48 hours) trip to Vegas for work. First time in Vegas. Not gonna lie. I don’t want to come back.

#everything makes me feel weh #the lights are too much the sounds are too much #everyone says the strip is great but I was in a Lyft and it just looked sad #I dunno #I don’t get it #and now I’m sad in a hotel overstimulated and over tired #I miss my partner #I don’t like this #I would like to go home plz #I want to remember this trip fondly and I will #but right now I’m not having a good time #also I tried gambeling cuz like why now I’m here for such a short time and fuck my brain likes gambeling too much guys it’s not good #it’s v bad I don’t like it #I’ve been up for nearly 22 hours

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bimiio · 6 months

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<3

#ran into dat girl i lost my virginity 2 tonight >:3 #we hung out 4 da night n she was soooo flirty n when we were making out she kept pulling my hair n grabbing my throat😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫#she also was lowkey tryna fuck me in front of everyone at da club😭😭#she ended up not taking me home cuz she was exhausted (can’t blame her it was 6am) but :(#she told me she was tired n wanted 2 go home while i was in her lap n then she was like ‘why’re you pouting?’#n i was like ‘no shh it doesn’t matter i don’t wanna sound like i’m tryna sway you’#but then i straight up just said ‘i wanna fuck :(‘#n she laughed n apologized 4 bein too tired but it’s ok #idk maybe i’ll see her again #m1n3 #nsft #0ut

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lesbiansanemi · 1 month

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Bad day. Horrible awful terrible bad day

#there’s not even a reason. nothing bad has actually happened #it just FUCKING SUCKS #I want to walk into a lake and never come back #I want to take my brain out of my skull and throw it at a wall and watch it splatter #I know today sucks because I’m so tense and upset that my back HURTS so fucking bad #cuz when this happens I tense up and my back muscles decide to coil around my spine and squeeze like a starving snake #it’s spreading through my shoulders and even to my chest which is a first #I just 😭😭😭 I want to go home except home also sucks cuz roommate #and I know he’ll be out in a few days but that feels like forever #and I’m so tired and I’m so upset and I want to curl up in a ball and cry and hide from the world #but I’m working a 7 day stretch at my job #and I have to transfer the power and internet to my name sometime before Wednesday #and I’m so sick of takeout the idea of eating it makes me want to vomit but I can’t physically bring myself to cook while they’re there #and I just. ugh. UGH #I’m so sick of existing #why does my life only allow me small handfuls of months at a time #where I’m not living in some form of disaster and stressed to all hell and back and just wanting to lay down and die #what did I do so wrong. what have I done to deserve all this shit #in my short terrible miserable fucking life #whatever I’ll just go home and stare at the wall #and then go to bed and come to work and come to work and come to work there’s always going to work #I’m going to fucking scream I hate my brain #why can’t it just regulate itself in a normal way cuz that’s the thing I know I’m being insane and nothing is actually this bad #but man if it doesn’t fucking feel that way #and being aware I’m being batshit really doesn’t make it better actually I think it makes it worse #kaz rambles

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arthur-r · 2 months

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these are all piled together in the same part of my brain and i’m so obsessed with it

#IM SORRY FOR POSTING JUKEBOX THE GHOST UNDER MY SKIN LIKE ITS FINE ART #BUT MAYBE IT IS. MAYBE IT IS #actually. im sorry for posting POOLBOY KING OF COOL as if it were fine art HELLO #a minute earlier: when you go leave me my baseball glove…. some cigarettes…. and a playboy…. that’s all i really want….#five seconds later: cause i will.. give you asthma…. every time you try to run…. so don’t run…..#BUT have you ever been trapped for the next nine months with your dick in your hand EATING ARTERIES FOR LUNCH. no i dont think so #anywayyyy #these are um. ok so in order it’s:#i.b. vyache — a poem called victim complex. from the book conversations over sanguinnaccio dolce #minimall — static!! one of the coolest best songs ever in the world and i love it very much #poolboy — king of cool it’s such a strange and bad song but it’s also so visceral and i love it so much #and last but not least jukebox the ghost under my skin #when i was really into that song like four years ago my mom thought that he was singing about PICKLES #i can fit two pickles under my skin!! i will prove it if you will listen!!!!#shdhdf anyway something something consumption devotion something something being a home being a hearth being an ORGAN being a VESSEL #not to run a dead joke into the ground but it keeps being so TRUE: i am a HOUSE FUCKER i swear #anyway there are definitely more of these like on my pinterest probably but these are the ones i had off the top of my head shdhdf #could somebody climb around in here and join me ‼️#anyway. i hope everybody is doing well. i have ANOTHER advisor appointment today (information science this time!!) and i’m also so tired #OH and i have a ten page paper to write by sunday…. but it’s chill and normal i got this 👍#anyway i hope everybody is doing well lmk if you need anything!!!!#with best wishes and kind regards sincerely yours!!!!#me. my post. mine.#delete later

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ace-no-isha · 1 year

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feeling deeply unlovable and then remembering that luffy could love you no matter how horribly damaged you are is a lot of emotions

#mixed emotions of how comforting luffy is as a person and grieving that it’s not possible irl #but also not having limitless mental strength for your loved ones is normal luffy is a fantasy character for a reason #and it’s not just cus he’s a rubber man #just a little heartbroken nothing new #this is so bpd of me lol #i can say that now with my chest cus it’s going into my chart #but yeah no. i’m clinging to this piece of comfort idc it’s been an awful week and i’m so tired #and luffy’s warmth is the only thing i want to come home to right now #my sunrise #he makes me believe in living #just straight up living and staying alive #and lord knows some days it’s hard #luffy is a miracle #cus genuinely when there’s nothing left luffy will still be here #luffy i miss you #vent blog #close ur eyes lol this is so normal of me

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aspiringhorrorauthor · 1 month

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Just read a post about how you shouldn’t trust a doctor who rushes you and like, yes I fully understand the frustration, so here’s what you can do to stop yourself being rushed:

-ask for a double appointment

-ask for a triple appointment

-fuck it ask for an hour long appointment if you think it’ll help

-be outright about what you want/need from an appointment. If you need more time to process information, say that. If you need the doctor to write out all information, say that. If you have a complex case/long history, say that!

-list all the reasons why you want to see the doctor/vet that day and please don’t sugar coat it. “Been vomiting” is a ten minute fix. “Been vomiting after every meal for the past two years” is not. It needs a double appointment and possibly a referral too.

Doctors and vets are overworked to fuck and exploited to hell. Help us out a little, please

#I get the frustration I really really fucking do #But I cannot stress this enough: we do not get overtime #We don’t! If you are booked in for a fifteen minute time slot and it takes 45 minutes we run late. We lose our lunch or we go home late and #We never get that time back. We already work long hours for frankly less pay than you’d expect for someone saving lives #If I run even just fifteen minutes late after one appointment it knocks on to everything and suddenly I cannot HALT #which is the acronym to encourage medical professionals to take care of themselves to reduce human error #(Basically take a break if you’re Hungry Angry Lonely/Late or Tired)#I have known other new grads who have to stay back at work unpaid for 1-2 hours every DAY #Do you know how much that wears you out?#All I’m saying is properly booked appointments are a godsend.#Also don’t sugar coat the reason for bringing a pet into the vets.#‘I want him checked over he’s old’ and ‘I want him euthanised he’s really struggling’ are two VERY different consults #I do get people’s frustrations with doctors but this website has a tendency to forget that they’re still human #If you were forced to do unpaid labour every day because you’ve got an understaffed over exploited work force you’d probably be annoyed too #And I know a lot of people are!!! But people don’t realise medical professionals are too!!!#We’re all in the hell of late stage capitalism together and that means you pay too much for a vet/doctor who does not have #The time or resources they fucking need

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lightblueminecraftorchid · 9 months

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Me, yesterday, 5:30 PM: wow I’m honestly doing so great at my adult tasks; I’ve gotten some homework done, I went grocery shopping, my laundry is almost dry. I spent so many spoons and I barely feel tired! Maybe I’m finally fully recovering from burnout!

Me, yesterday, 6:00 PM: oh.

#turns out that I was not drawing from an unlimited spoon supply when I spent spoons so fast #and instead was overdrawing #because at 5:59 I thought ‘oh you know I’m a bit tired I should lay down’#and then spent almost six hours in Nap Hell as I laid down too tired to get up and take my sleep meds #but also not really sleeping consistently. like dozing except I didn’t want to.#woke up ~11:50 and apparently sent some very misspelled messages to my friends #took sleep meds. and then passed out until morning.#so… I’ve learned something here. such as ‘even if you feel fine. you know you’re spending too many spoons. slow down.’#I’m gonna try to go to bed early tonight too #and just. rest. bc I know Thursday is going to be a lot for me bc of my ASL class.#just gotta get these labs done first #the exhaustion is partially also my fault bc instead of going to bed after getting home from the airport #I did in fact go straight to DND and played until midnight because DND is Monday nights now.#but in my defense. I had napped on the plane. so I didn’t feel v tired.#but yeah I shouldn’t have done that bc that meant I was operating on a Significant Sleep Deficit yesterday and still had a lot of tasks #that absolutely could not wait. I needed food bc I didn’t have any in the house and needed laundry bc all my wearable clothes were dirty.#and I’d been in class since 9:30AM and went straight to the store from my last class and then straight to laundry after putting away grifos #and STILL FORGOT TO GET GAS #it’s fine I’ll get some today after chemistry or smth on the way home

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ambagelbraindump · 2 months

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love how my mom keeps texting me “call me I miss u” but refuses to actually put in the work required to love me in the way I need to be loved or repair what she destroyed / refused to build in the first place

#fuckin wild that people I’ve know for 6 months / a year feel more like family than my flesh and blood parents #I’m not even hard to love #you just don’t want to put in the effort #to love and be loved requires work for sure but #it shouldn’t feel like pulling teeth #I am very tired and I want to go home #but also I don’t wanna leave

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hobisexually · 2 months

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long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on

#on holiday I was like oHHHHH this is what living in the moment is! What listening to your body is! what not worrying about how you look is #but doing what makes you happy #and then …… I came home and got sent the pictures #+ my friend being. unintentionally fatphobic as fuck #while hurtful as fuck too #and it’s all just been piling up too since I got home because I’ve been having a lot of conversations and seeing a lot of people that #confront me with who I used to be and who I am now and how I’m really not happy with that #and it feels like it’s not gonna get better #like I’m destined to be in a job I like but isn’t what I want because I’m not capable enough and I’ll never know what romantic requited love #feels like. I’ll never cure my vaginismus I’ll never be able to let someone in or they won’t want me this is just it for me #and SOMEHOW the way I look has become the ultimate culmination of all those things?#my face is suddenly a woman in her thirties face #I keep gaining weight despite not even eating all that much because FUCKING PCOS makes it impossible #my hair in my face grew back. my stomach is hairy and that plus the added beer belly just makes it look like I’m a 50 year old man #I am soooooooo tired of the dysphoria #and the way pcos ruins fucking everything because I can restrict calories all I want and move all I want but will it help ? No !#and of the fact that it impacts the way I feel about myself so much because I’m convinced now I’ll never find anyone #should have tried harder when I was 21 because that was the only time in my life I reasonably fit society’s standards like That was my shot #I’ve been taking supplements everyone says will help but I’m not sure I noticed anything in the past six months and I can’t take berberine #because it fucks with my heart medication. which. That too. I have that too #and I’m in pain! All the time now! ALL THE TIME so I can’t even work out to keep the weight stable because guess what ?#just after a normal day at the office I come home and have to lie down because everhthing hurts so much !#today I got an impromptu massage in an attempt to feel better but it didn’t fix shit and I had to buy clothes for kings day after #and I didn’t try them on just quickly grabbed some orange shit to try on at home and at what I saw in the mirror I genuinely got nauseous #I just don’t know who that is in the mirror but it’s not me and I can’t accept it. I’ve been trying so hard but I can’t #it genuinely makes me so sad and I keep telling myself that a reduction will help in feeling more like myself and it will help with the pain #but what if it doesn’t? what if my pain doesn’t go away after af all and my stomach just juts out and I feel like a gremlin all the time #what then. what the fuck do we do then. also I’m so fucking scared of that surgery anyway that I don’t fucking want to do it anymore #I want so many things and all of them feel out of reach and I know my own brain is my worst enemy and it’s not rooted in anything real but.#Isn’t it? really — isn’t it???????

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