#everything makes me feel weh

[ygodmyy20]

I had a one day (like 48 hours) trip to Vegas for work. First time in Vegas. Not gonna lie. I don’t want to come back.

[acoraxia]

I may have just found your art (is so freaking pretttttyyyyy) and your cotl AU but I now desperately need to know everything about the AU because it looks so. cool.

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME INDULGE IN TALKING ABOUT MY LITTLE AU AHEM AHEM

I’m going to ramble now if that’s ok-

WARNING:: long and messy ramblings about AU ideas, headcanons and body horror/gore mentions up ahead

My Lamb’s story is actually pretty simple: they were born as Aluhé (ahl-weh) to a family filled with traveling performers. They traveled throughout the land of the Old Faith, worshipping the gods (especially Shamura) and performed to earn money to maintain themselves. Life was good up until rumors of the prophecy foretold by the Bishops spread towards the little hers; when Aluhé came of age they learned of said prophecy and that that was the reason why their family “settled down” in a (supposedly) hidden village.

Eventually, heretics arrive and they kill the herd safe for Aluhé and they escape, meet a flock of goats and Jahel (goat co-op character) and then run away due to guilt only to be captured by heretics and be introduced to the bishops.

After meeting Narinder and obtaining the crown, Aluhé refused to do anything in his name — refused to start a cult or touch the crown or anything… for months

they met Koi when they were planning to simply kill the Bishops bare handed and instead save her from being sacrificed (haha me too!). They don’t run the cult per say — mostly due to the fact they don’t want to get attached to anyone but they feel a strong sense of… protectiveness when it comes to the flock, going as far as appointing disciples to ensure the cult is safe and beating the life out of heretics that get a little too close for comfort to the cult grounds.

THE CROWN TAKES SUCH A MASSIVE TOLL ON ALUHÉ HOWEVER — apart from the fact that Aluhé is “easily corrupted” being fueled by a blind sense of justice towards the culling of their species over a family’s spat and a selfish fucker’s decisions, the crown latches on to their body and often does so when Aluhé has their guard down. This allows for certain changes to occur — the lack of hunger, exhaustion and ability to “morph” their body being a few of them.

It doesn’t help that Aluhé refuses to use the crown to fight unless absolutely necessary (because they hate dying because it means hearing Narinder talk and because they’ll end up angry all over again—) and often wears the crown around their neck.

This causes certain personality changes as well: Aluhé is typically quiet and docile when engaging with the flock if only a bit intimidating. They don’t talk to the followers unless necessary and only exchange actual conversation with their disciples. Since no follower is allowed to go on crusades with Aluhé they’re omitted from the fact their benevolent leader is in fact very, very, very, violent

They’d often consume heretics during their final moments or force feed their remains to the few that tried to get away (and failed) so they’d choke and die — a brutality that spread towards the bishops and their own disciples (Narinder still remembers how vile it was to see a meek little lamb get up and tear Barbatos to shreds, only to then use one of the worms’ teeth to sink it into Leshy’s flesh. Charming, really). This only strengthens when they kill Narinder and are eventually crowned the new god of death… among other things… and their body eventually adapts to the changes but it takes a toll on their mental health (

Their behavior, however, can be traced back to Shamura…

Since the two had a very interesting conversation before Aluhé was sent to be sacrificed:

Smh Aluhé you should be grateful to be blessed with the presence of the War Bishop tssk tsk

When the Bishops are killed and, eventually, brought back to life per the Mystic Seller’s request, Aluhé refuses to heal them or allow for their bodies to heal until they repent or make a pact with them to ensure obedience as they join their flock. Goes about as well as you can imagine

A big little change I made was that I made the Bishops Embodiments of their titles rather than just gods worshipped for it.

So Narinder is the Embodiment of Death, Leshy is the Embodiment of Chaos, etc. despite having somewhat mortal bodies they are still connected to their godhood and this will not change due to the fact that the world still needs gods in order to maintain balance — it also means that Aluhé is not just the god of death but the god of other things; it also means they have.. a union with Narinder, so to speak

The Gods have vessels for the sole purpose of their finding their replacements (because the gods will exist, even if they are not the same person they once were years ago) or to gain more worship and strengthen their power. When the Old Faith started getting greedy (coughs, Narinder) it was harder to find willing vessels or the right type of vessels to take on the task of bringing the Siblings more worship. It took years to find the proper candidates for Leshy or Kallamar (because the fucker was so PICKY /j) and it also caused a bit of horror to the siblings to see Aluhé reject the Red Crown as though it were simple

Aside from the Siblings being somewhat “dormant” and Narinder not being within the cult and Shamura traveling with Jahel… there’s a lot of silly little lore I managed to put into the four of them because I thought it’d be fun to explore the capability of Vessels and Gods and “War/Death Incarnate” as a whole — there’s a lot of story lore I don’t want to spoil but you can have these as a treat:

And thats it for now

[doozclops]

I didn't want to have to do this because it's so guilt-trippy but I'm not exaggerating when I say that each day I have to wonder if my shitty laptop is going to die before I can assemble my PC is doing permanent damage to my mental health.

This isn't just a "weh I'm spoiled and want a PC for gaming weh" kind of thing. I've been using this budget laptop for nearly 6 years now and it's been falling apart for half of that time. Every day I hold my breath hoping it will turn on, and I need it for literally everything I do. Both for my art and leisure. If it dies, I die. This is not an exaggeration. This is not 'tee hee I'm going to kill myself lmao'. Computer access is an essential and if I don't have it then I'm more fucked than I am now.

I need about $140 USD more to finally get everything. I am disabled. I cannot work. I've run out of my own personal items to sell to save up. The only way I can get this done is with help from other people. That means you, the one reading this.

I'm not going to bombard you with oppression keywords to make you feel morally right by even considering helping me. All I can do is say please. Please.

How you can help:

Tip me on Ko-fi

Buy something from my Ko-fi shop

Buy something from my INPRNT shop (though this will take 30+ days to receive the money)

Just reblogging isn't enough. I have not received any support from people viewing reblogs. Unless you've already helped me in the past, please consider sending money before reblogging. Even just a $3 'tip' is more than what I'm currently getting.

Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.

[rayofmisfortune]

Hey so, I know literally nothing of how Rodimus gets the matrix or even if he does. But- I've read a few fics where he gets the matrix during the functionist (?) era and idk, something about how the writers make the story and progression flow rubs me the wrong way. So ofc I have to ramble about my own ideas

I don't know that much about how the political jargon works in idw or whatever the fics I've read use as a basis. Guessing it's idw. But one of these fics went about Rodimus stumbling upon the Matrix in like a weird ahh liminal space kinda way? I worded it wrong lmao but anyway after he got the Matrix he immediately goes to the senate. I- that part just.. I dunno, not vibing with that. Idk. but how I'd go about it is the Matrix appearing to him (vaguely, lmao idk how, the liminal space thing is kinda cool lmao) but the idea of the matrix just randomly spawning in his berthroom is higher on my list of matrix acquisition. It would be funnyyyyy. Also- I would be a lil fuck and make it huuuuurt, angst brain yada yada, screw me yea, anyway. Yea what would I make hurt? The whole "transforming into a prime" dealio. (People describe the process as "beautiful" and "amazing" and yea changing frame types doesn't appear to be painful but I'm me and I love putting characters in pain /aff) Rodimus gets to pass out as a treat ���� and have vivid hallucinations of the Primes. Would he believe anything that he's been told in said vivid hallucinations telling him he's the new Prime? Half n half lmao well at least until he woke up sprawled on the floor of his berthroom for some reason. (Does Rodimus get taller after getting the Matrix? Cuz, idk mates I'm not that knowledgeable kekw but if he did it would be hilarious to have him get up on too long limbs and have one of those "everything was moved slightly to the left" moments except everything is a little smaller/shorter than when he stumbled his way to berth last cycle)

... also I just like the idea of Rodimus hiding his newfound Primeness. Not going straight for the leadership, but realizing that something is very very wrong, why did the matrix come to him? What happened to the last Prime (Nominus???? I dunno who dat is, but peeps used his name as the last Prime in the fics I've read, weh). Coming to the realization "Oh frag, the senators murdered him." after being subjected to visions from the last Primes in his recharge. ... y'all this is just me trying to validate a Prime working from the shadows to overthrow the government. All the authors stressed that Rodimus was a lowercaste bot so- a Prime who was originally lowercaste would know how the system treated bots like him, right?

Or maybe going straight for the big man spot is something Rodimus would do and I just don't have that much of a grasp of his character. But honestly I don't see him as someone who enjoys any leader positions where he needs to be the responsible one. Hiding away and keeping a low profile, working from the shadows. I feel like becoming a Prime is more of a burden than a blessing for someone like Rodimus. Running from his problems 👍 Fake it till you make it as they say.

Also- like... The Senators introducing a new (fake) Prime on live broadcast across cybertron. The guy having this whole speech about how the Matrix had chosen them and how sorry they are for the fate of their predecessor and how grateful they are for this chance to make cybertron better. While Rodimus watches it on a billboard or hologram or whatever along with a few other bots and thinks "yea right, this guy's full of slag." Yea he ain't gonna be going to the Senators any time soon.

[wingedjellyfishflight]

Hogtied: Part 3

You stay busy for another week, finishing up exams and redacting most of König's file for him. Just in time, it seems, as you catch one of your nurses looking through it with a frown. The dressing down she receives is more than enough to deter others, but the cleaning rotation she gets for the next month ensures it won't happen again.

When the C140 lands again, it is complete madness, just as you were worried it would be. König has multiple large lacerations, Ghost has a through and through on the meaty part of his thigh, Gaz has a laceration on his head that won't stop bleeding and Soap, poor Soap. A broken leg, lacerations on his arm, and clear signs of torture.

You triage the men, passing Gaz off for stitches, sending Ghost to a nurse who previously worked in an ER and directing a set of nurses to tag team the lacerations on König, but only what he will allow. Any pushback means stop. You don't want to lose the trust you have built up in the short time he has worked with you. Turning to Soap, you work to stabilize him. Immobilizing his leg, you quickly stitch the worst of his wounds to stop the bleeding. With the help of a few nurses, you get good x-rays. Luckily, it is not a complex break, and you are able to set it with ease. He will need a hard cast once the swelling goes down.

The aftermath of torture is a harder thing to solve. You bandage his hands, slather burns in ointment, and inject an antibiotic. Gaz pulls you aside and tells you that he was also subject to waterboarding for a very short window of time before they rescued him. You nod, angry, but trying not to show it. You turn back and review all of Soap's injuries now that he is more stable, ensuring that you didn't miss anything. There doesn't appear to be anything else wrong with him, and you have him moved to a recovery room.

You make rounds, checking on the others as they rest. When you reach König's room, you note blood on his pillow and check over his chart. "Herzblatt, do you have an injury under your mask?" He turns to look at you.

"Ja, mein Kopf tut weh."

(Yes, my head hurts.)

"Let me grab a kit, and we will get it fixed up then." You do so, shutting the door on your way back to the bed. He slips off his mask, and you gasp, seeing the large cut across his face. "You should have mentioned this."

"I wanted you to fix, Schatz."

"Yes, Herzblatt, but I would have come to fix it sooner. Now hold still. I will have to numb you to stitch it. You may grip my shoulder if you need to." He hesitates, but as he sees you move closer with the needle, he wraps his fingers tight where you indicated. The way he grips it, you know you will have bruises later, but he doesn't flinch away. "Once it is numb, I will stitch inside to bring those layers together, then I will stitch the outside. You will tell me if you feel pain, yes? There is no reason to tough it out."

"Ja, already proved my mettle." You chuckle and lay out your supplies.

"Jetzt haben wir den Salat."

He chokes back a laugh at that. While his body is becoming numb, you check the rest of his lacerations and ensure the stitches look good. Returning to his face, you check to ensure he is ready, then work to stitch him up. It goes quickly, though you have to make a conscious effort not to look in his eyes.

(Now we have the salad, aka shit went sideways, and now we have a mess)

Just as you set down the needle and thread on your table, the door bursts open. Unthinking, you jump forward and use your body to cover König's face. "Unless someone is dying, get out!"

"Sorry, you've been in here a long time, and we were worried. Is everything alright?"

"I said, get the fuck out! You know the rules here, Lieutenant!" The door slams shut and you cautiously pull back, checking to make sure none of the stitches popped. König's face looks red as a tomato as he looks at you. "Let me finish bandaging this and you can put the mask back on, alright?" He stares at you saying nothing. "Uhh... sorry for that. I should have locked the door. And sorry for mashing your face with my... torso." You quickly place the bandages and hand him his mask.

"I'd prefer if you had a clean mask, but I don't have one handy. If you drop one by later, I can keep it on hand for you. Ghost keeps some here, the delicate princess. He refuses to wear hospital grubs if he can't wear the clothes he came in with."

"So, he is not... dating you?"

"Hmm... no. No, he and I are not dating. I'm half sure he is more interested in Soap than me, but I've been wrong before. Any roads, enough talk about our co-workers. Push the button here if you need assistance. I am going off the clock, but I will return if needed. Try to get some rest. I'm sure debriefing will be hell."

When you return the next morning, only Soap remains in recovery. The other men have left to debrief. You schedule an appointment for him with the therapist he doesn't hate and listen to him flirt with a nurse while you update files in your office. He quickly grows bored and insists that you sit and entertain him.

You acquiesce, deciding that a break is in order now that you've finished about half of your paperwork. He is chatting away about things he's done mostly. You usually try to deflect questions about yourself, but he is not deterred, sipping at his coffee while you enjoy your cuppa.

"Didja always wannae be a doc?" You shake your head.

"Got it twisted, mate. I never wanted to be a doctor. T'was my parents dream, not mine. I picked here to spite 'em."

He laughs hard. "You're a rebel. What didja wannae then?"

You stand suddenly, too flustered by his question. "Tea times over, fella. I've gottae get back to work." You pause in the doorway, leaning back in and looking into his eyes as you debate with yourself. "I wanted a job like yours." He looks stunned, then a bit sad.

"Ye woulda been a belter, lass." You smile sadly and walk back to your office. It takes forever for you to get any work done. You make sure to sign off on his release so Soap can leave when he is ready.

You look up at a knock on your door some time later. "Enter"

"Doc, you're still here? I was just checking in here since the light was on. It's already after 2100."

"Oh, shit. I completely lost track of time. Just have to finish this, and I will head out."

"Alright, see you tomorrow then."

It's after 2200 when you do head out, and you quickly realize that you are starving, not having had much more than snacks since breakfast. The mess is closed this late, so you head to the kitchen. Digging through the fridge, you hear a noise behind you, but don't see anything when you look around the darkened room. Shrugging it off, you dig some more before grabbing leftovers with Ghost's name on them. You're disappointed to see that they've gone off and toss them in the bin before looking again.

You finally find some leftovers that aren't bad with Captain Price written in capital letters with an underline on the box. It's butter chicken over rice, and you've honestly never been so excited for it. Waiting for it to heat, you hear the sound again. You turn and realize that there are two men across the room watching you. Through squinted eyes, you see that it is Captain Price and Gaz having tea together. Whipping back around nervously, your fingers tap on the counter, waiting forever, it seems for the microwave to ding.

Just before it does, you hear, "Butter chicken. My favorite," in your ear, and you nearly jump out of your skin.

"S-sorry, Captain. I missed lunch and dinner. I'll order some fresh tomorrow to make up for it. Please."

"I'm just teasin ya, doll. Eat up. You know we never remember to eat our leftovers." He winks and walks off, catching up to Gaz.

[kieuecaprie]

On a whim, I decided to play on a different fork of Space Station 14 after a particularly rough round on Salamander (It's been getting highpop lately so it's been pure chaos and it's hard to keep in character as Adalite, a skittish and sweet reptilian, when so many bad things are happening.).

After hearing a good first impression of it from a friend, I chose to play on the Delta-V server and ported Adalite over to get my hours in.

First shift was a latejoin as a janitor, pretty much was uneventful, I just wanted to hop on to get myself situated with the community. And because I could not play Janitor on WizDen, lmao, that role is about as hard to get into as AI is right now.

Second shift was extended and I wrote up a greentext-like story to explain what happened. Feel free to click the read more:

> Be me, Adalite Tosimizu, Janitor aboard the station Lighthouse in the Delta-V sector > Just an average shift, clean stuff up, pick stuff up, dump it > Recycler windows kept breaking. Adalite's knowledge of building comes in handy and a reinforced window is created > Befriend a clown who fell into disposals (They were later called out by CC for not being clown-y enough) > Head to Epi to deal with a spill that cannot be cleaned with water. > It's potassium 💀 > I use a cleanade after failing and everything is a-okay! 👍 > I crit 💀 > Get taken to medical by the Mystagogue > It was just radiation > Okay, everything is good again! 😄 > Take a break to play Vamo Alla Flamenco on the guitar that was left lying around. > Vibe for a moment until… > Be… me? Adalite? Huh? ❓❓❓ > Confusion abound as both Adalites check each other out. > Turns out the paradox anomaly is just as confused as I am. > We immediately hit it off! 😀 > Do an impromptu team-building exercise with the slime coming out of the vents. > Holy shit, my clone is so nice! > Continue as normal, just now there's another me, I guess. She seems chill, so… > An explosion happens in north-west maints... 💥 > Decide to foolishly go investigate. Bad idea. > Nearly crit myself again, scrambling to escape maints with an emergency crowbar. 😰 > Comms light up. It's Nukies. 😰😰😰 > Head to bar to hole up for a while, meet my clone again. > Explain to her what happened, break down crying from nearly dying again. She consoles Adalite. 🤗🤗 > Everything appears to be normal again, lone-op got got, so it's just a little messing around with the new speed boots Epi made for everyone! (They had 20) > It's evac time. Shuttle was not recalled. > Head to the shuttle with Adalite and sit down. > Shorkie got captured in the chaos 😭🦈 > Make it to CentComm with Adalite and head for the bar for some peace and quiet. > We chat for a little bit before I realize I lost my blue shork in the chaos. 😔 > She gives up her pink shork and we end the round hitting each other with our own Weh-Wehs. > tmw it was an admin who was playing Adalite's paradox anom this entire time.

>Be me, KieueCaprie, sitting in lobby lamenting how scary and cool the paradox anom was. >See this in OOC:

😭

For the uninitiated, Paradox Anomaly is a midround ghost role exclusively on Delta-V which makes a complete clone of a random crew member. Your goal is simple: * Befriend yourself and make sure they get out alive * Kill and replace yourself from the universe you found yourself in. * Make it back to Central Command alive and unrestrained.

SIKE! It's not simple! You cannot greentext as a Paradox Anomaly! You basically get a choice of RP branches. It's pretty cool and to see it be used on me in my second shift on Delta V was both scary and cool, and heartwarming when it turned out the paradox anomaly was really sweet, just like Adalite.

Maybe I'll check out the other forks too someday but having a good first experience in Delta V is really something. Think there's RMC14 and Frontier I'd like to check out.

[lcs-library]

(i really love your writing, so im very excited to see that requests are open! also, do you write the menus yourself? if so, thats so cool!! i love the aesthetic so much)

could i ask for an apple danish with tsumugi? and off of the normal menu, a black tea as well (still w tsumu), please. there's so many i wanna request lol, thanks in advance <3

AWAWAWAWA TY GOMPY I'M SO PLEASED EHEHE.... And yes! I write the menus myself, but the images and stuff I use are usually from @.saradika-graphics. That said I can assure you I spent a good two hours poring over a bunch of barista blogs and reddit threads to come up with the new menu and try to think up prompts www... Anyway! Please enjoy!!

Request rules | Cafe menu | Autumn menu

Apple Danish: They bring you/their s/o/their friend to an orchard! How does it go? 

🥚I think Tsumu would have a great time in an orchard! 

🥚He’d be so happy to be surrounded by all the pretty trees, calmly picking apples with you.

🥚“Do you think this one’s good? It’s a bit on the small side, though… but it’s cute. You think so, too? Let’s take it home, then!”

🥚He’s no Omi, but he seems like the type of guy who knows exactly what to look for when it comes to fruit, and every single thing he picks tastes incredible. 

🥚He’s also def the kind of guy who just takes leaves and rubs them between his fingers because Texture. When he thinks you’re not looking, he’ll be caressing the branch and rubbing the leaves as he loses himself in thought. 

🥚“Hm? Ah, I didn’t realize you were there! Sorry, I should be holding your hand, not the tree’s, right? …There we go. Is that better?”

🥚The next day, his phone’s camera roll is filled to the brim with a bunch of blurry photos of you wwww

🥚“Even if they don’t look the best, you have to admit, the blurred colors look nice together, right? We can call it abstract art.” 

Black Tea: How do they comfort their s/o?

🥚When you’re feeling down, I promise Tsumu knew how you felt ten seconds before you did, and is already by your side. 

🥚“Dear, did something happen, are you alrigh- Oh. Come here, sit by me.”

🥚He’s the perfect gentleman, too. 

🥚You want space? He’ll give you space, but not without making you a cup of tea first.

🥚You want a hug? He’s so gentle with you, as if you’ll shatter to pieces if he squeezes too hard.

🥚You’re not sure what you need? That’s alright, you can take your time, he’ll happily sit by your side and rub your back until you’re ready to talk again. 

🥚Once you are, he’ll gently guide you through your feelings, and help you cope(he’s not letting that psychology degree go to waste).

🥚“Will you tell me what happened, please? I promise I won’t laugh, and I definitely won’t be mad at you. I’m here to help, remember? We can do this together.”

🥚And of course, after everything’s over, and you’re calm at the very least, he’ll take his hand in yours, and give it a brief kiss before squeezing it tight.

🥚“I’m proud of you, dear. Never forget that, okay?”

🥚Weh……… the sweetie pie<3

[necromancy-enthusiast]

Replayed Mouthwashing and I don't recall seeing anyone talk about how Jimmy hates himself (which is deserved in his case, lol) and redirects it through his resentment towards Curly because ironically, sometimes people's self-hatred manifests as lashing out at others. He's put Curly up on a pedestal despite how his life isn't all rainbows and sunshine either, since he mentions to Jimmy that he feels the need to constantly escape from it.

Jimmy takes just about everything Curly says in regards to that the wrong way because he's projecting his opinion of himself onto Curly and inventing words to read between the lines as a result, because if *I* think I'm a loser, Curly must think so too, and he's telling me that in a subtle, passive-aggressive way. It's easy to see that as Jimmy misinterpreting it in bad faith to make up an excuse just to be an asshole or to give his resentment more substance, but I think he genuinely believes that's what Curly thinks and doesn't realize how much he's doing in terms of mental gymnastics. He doesn't exactly strike me as the kind of guy with enough emotional intelligence to recognize that in himself.

Just to be clear since this is the piss on the poor reading comprehension website, this isn't a 'weh poor Jimmy he's so misunderstood, he's my little wooby :(' post, it's a 'despite what some people think, Jimmy does in fact operate on a sense of internal logic that can be reconstructed to give context to his behavior, even though that logic is deeply flawed and may be hard to wrap your mind around if you haven't been stuck in a pit of self-loathing and experienced for yourself how it can fuck with your head' post.

[verysmallcyborg]

Fornax has gotta be one of the most striking and recognizable WoL's I've seen around, and you can tell just how much love is poured into all of their details and appearance. Both in your gposes and art! I don't think I've ever seen another Au Roe before, but I feel that Fornax has such a good balance of features from both races, and everything meshes together flawlessly.

She also gives me mad gender envy, not to mention that her and Ryssrael's love is the highlight of my day whenever I see them. Thank you for sharing your Fornax enthusiasm with us. <3

hi anon i hope you know i teared up over this last night. several times. and was very tempted to keep this tucked away in my inbox (but i'll settle on keeping a screenshot of it instead)

thank YOU for enjoying fornax ;__; they mean everything to me and has been a huge help in learning to love and accept myself more, and living vicariously through them. both them and ryss have been a HUGE creative outlet for me ever since i put a different oc on the backburner (sorry sezuk..... waugh...) and i love creating for one or both of them!!! i love making things that make me happy and sharing them!!!!

fornax has had a bunch of big changes over 2-ish years - lore, backstory, personality, and appearance wise, and she's reached a point where it feels like everything about her feels right, y'know...! like when i look back at older art & gposes and compare them to now w/ how fornax currently looks, idk they just look a lot more happier and like themself, if that makes sense (plus if they can survive the Horrors, then i too, will survive the horrors. i need a Do It For Her board)

anyways. thank you anon for the kind words WEH.......! fornax is of course For Me first and foremost, but i'm always happy when other's enjoy them and their design and lore...! i'm glad you also enjoy them and ryss' love, bc their love also means everything. to me :')

[typingatlightspeed]

Okay forgive me for being sappy here but I still can’t believe how lucky I was to be into tf2 now instead of like four years ago. Imagine coming across this awesome series and when you reach the bottom it just. Stops. It stopped and ended with red demo and blu Solly only sort of making up and the rest of the gang are just gone and you’ll never know what happened to them. And you leave the fandom eventually and wouldn’t ever know that BANG six years later you come back with vacation all I ever wanted and everything’s back again, you get to see these characters again and write and head canon and think up scenarios in bed for them again. And I didn’t even have to go through the six “weh this series is dead” years.

So yeah. I’m lucky I think

I felt like such a villain for years because of this, no longer able to write and screaming into the void about it. I lost my sex drive, my passion, and myself, all because of a cluster of unusual side effects of my medication (methylphenidate HCL, aka ritalin), which because they were such unusual side effects (literally the polar opposite of every common side effect) my doctor thought were hormonal issues related to my birth control for YEARS. Constant retooling and dialing in of those meds and completely ignoring that my ritalin was barely doing what it was supposed to do and doing everything to give me literal dysphoria because I was no longer the person I had been my entire fucking life. It was affecting my marriage a lot, too, making my husband doubt my attraction to him. It was hell.

When a friend of mine posted her experience starting ADHD meds after 40, and described how dramatic it was, like flicking a switch, I realized that my meds were not doing what they were supposed to do. So I talked to my doctor and suggested I go off of them, see where I'm at, and maybe try a different med from there. She was like hell yeah make sure you have a day or two off of work in case you feel like dogshit when you go off (I did lol). Two days later I wrote Ain't Seen Nothin' Yeti. The first fiction piece I'd written in six fucking years. I did a lot of crying.

I've rebounded so much, (a bit more than I was before in ways that make my husband very secure in his attractiveness lmao) and I've decided not to bother trying more meds. At least not right now. And since then it's been an explosion of the stories I've wanted to write for years but couldn't, and it feels so good.

The big thing is, though, during those years I stopped checking Ao3, because I felt so guilty that I was sure there were going to be bitter messages asking where I'd gone, why I hadn't updated, or worse, anger over it. So I didn't look. After I put out Ain't Seen Nothin' Yeti, I worked up my courage and checked my Ao3 inbox.

It was an outpouring of love, joy, laughter, and yes lamentations that there isn't more, that it stopped, but no anger, no bitterness, no blame, just oh man I hope someday there's more I love this so much.

And that meant the world to me. I did a lot of crying.

So yeah, you did get lucky. And so did I; that I could come back and keep writing and keep telling these stories. <3 I just hope that anyone who loved thes stories can find out that I'm back.

[moonferry]

so errrm i have some ismho questions. & i need a lil feedback before i lose my mindT

do yall like star?? i am Very nervous about sharing him with people and i dont want it to be like. oh he's just forced </3

also. i have drafted ch 3 but its more sebstar's friendship focused, rather than sam itself (ill get back to that eventually i just need to establish stars friendships as well) so. i hope this isn't like. Too annoying. and i don't want it to feel out of place u know. so. do u wanna see it or should i come up with something else.

i also need to think more on how to connect the events and eventually the sam & kent talk bc i want that to be the Major Thinf but i also need to figure out how to work out samstars relationship bc i also don't want that to feel forced and it's just EUEHHHHH

often it feels like it's not even worth it to write about it bc im in such a unique headspace where i just. do not like anything ive written

star is also very special to me and im so scared to share him with people 😞😞😞

im also like . what the scallop am i doing how do i make this something people will want to read and i KNOW i should just write for my own enjoyment but UGHHH.

i LOVE writing about sam and his family don't get me wrong. fsioy and wtsbtb are my pride and joys but it's also. Wuh.

anyway.. if u guys wanna suggest some ideas u are free to (& i'll credit u in the notes if i decide to use them) but. i might release this new chapter and Explode.

it also like . i am also in the headspace of i want to destroy everything i make bc. it doesnt fit my stupid perfect vision and like. i know i shouldn't and i dont want to abandon it at all but WEH.

[dickarchivist]

Hello dear Archivist! 

I’m quickly falling in love with your boys, and I love everything you’ve written for Ghost & Banshee 💜 But after reading your NSFW ALPHABET post for the squad, I can’t stop thinking about Specter…  

If you’re feeling up for it, I’d love to request a little fic for him (SFW or NSFW… which ever feels right 🥰)

Since he seems a bit more guarded than his brothers, what would falling in love look like for him? You mentioned he loves photography & is known for taking pictures of everything, so would his artistic hobbies be influenced by the person he’s falling for? Would he know right away, or would the feelings sneak up on him? 

Thank you 💜 (@wings-and-beskar)

Vermillion

Clone oc Specter x fem!Reader

Word Count: 1305

Prompt: How does Specter fall in love?

Rating: PG-14 for swearing, but minors DNI as always 🔞

Contents and Warnings: swearing, Specter being broody and jealous, a break up (not with Specs), laughing, being silly together, passionate kiss, split lip (not graphic)

Summary: Specter's in love with you, every little bit. He'd do anything for you, say the word... but he wants to make sure you're not going to break his heart.

Author's Notes: Specter's POV!!!! He's so rude, I love him!!

Thanks to @wings-and-beskar for being so patient on this one!! You are a kindness unto my life♡

This one is left open ended on purpose, I'm thinking about writing a sequel so we shall see 👀

This fic doesn't hit on everything asked I'm so sorry weh. But!! I do feel like it answers the question "How does Specter fall in love?" On purpose.

Look at you. Hair's all messy, but I know you styled it that way. You make that stuffy GAR uniform look good, even sexy with how it hugs your curves. I'm glad you never wear that dumb little hat, I think it'd ruin your look... or maybe it'd just make you so tantalizing that I wouldn't be able to help myself. I click a few pictures of you, and I hope you don't mind or notice, but just...

Fuck you. Fuck you just standing there, chewing your stylus, looking down at your data pad with a scrunched brow and squinted eyes. Like it's the most important thing in the world, whatever's on there. We're supposed to be together right now, you called me. You asked me to tail it down here to keep you company and of course I did. I'd do anything you kriffin' ask. I want you lookin' at me so focused. Lookin' at me like I'm more important. What does it have that's keeping your attention so-- holy shit.

"OH FUCK OFF!!!!" You fling that stupid pad so hard and so far it shatters on impact when it hits your wall, and I can't stop myself from laughing. "SPECTER SHUT IT!!"

"What the kriff was on there that made you so mad? You were laser focus unti-- hey. Hey what's wrong? Why the tears?" I close my camera and come over so fast I can't blame you for jumping back. Didn't mean to come on so hard, I'd say sorry but your arms are around my waist so quick my words just leave my head.

"My boyfriend just dumped me, over a text..." my anger overthrows my joy.

"I was hoping so hard that you'd leave him, not for that skug to dump you and not even in person. I'll kill him. I could do it. It wouldn't even be that hard, I'm trained, he's a kriffing bar tender and not even a good one. Half his shit is just water and food color, I hate him so much, he was never any good to you... why are you crying harder? Shit shit shit, how do I make it better, shit-- no- oh... oh you're laughing! Why are you laughing?"

"Specs, you know you're talking out loud, right?"

My face in on FIRE. "Uh-- nope. Fuck... forget I said that, yeah?"

"Not a chance," You're smiling... maker I adore that smile. I move my hands to your face and brush my thumbs over your cheeks, "Specter, do you really feel like that?"

I look away from you, my eyebrows raised, a tall frown on my lips as if to shrug them, "I mean... yeah? That smug son of a--" I catch my temper, and sigh, arms around your shoulders again, "He wasn't good for you. Been sayin' that from the get, but did you listen? Nooooooo," You're laughing more, so I keep it up. I mimic your voice, very poorly, "Oh Specs! He's soooo dreamy!"

"Oh knock it off, I don't sound like that!" You push me, making me stagger a little, your cheeks red from laughing. Maker that laugh, I love it so much.

"Specs, he's so beautiful! He says he's in a band! Oh I can't wait to have his babies!"

"SPECTER! MY SIDES, PLEASE!" You're laughing so hard those tears down your cheeks aren't sad anymore, and I'm over the moons about that.

I put my arm around your shoulders, giving you a little shake and a squeeze, my voice back to my own, "I mean it, though... say the word and he'll disappear. Or say another word, and he'll turn into a toad. You know, like he already is."

I love it when you laugh so hard you snort. I know you hate it, you always apologize and cover your face. But I love it. Even Phantom can't get you to laugh like that... "Specs what're you smiling at me like that for?"

It's my turn to laugh. I chuckle a little, give you another squeeze, "What? I can't enjoy you laughing without getting the 3rd degree?"

You roll your eyes, knocking into me harder and giving me a tight squeeze of a hug. I'm all too happy to return it. "Thanks Specs, I don't know what I'd do without a good man like you by my side."

"You'd be a lot more sad over losers who don't deserve your tears, that's for sure," you don't have any idea what I'd do for you, how much you mean to me... how much I love you...

"Specter, new orders from the council. We're headed out in 15, get your ass over here." Ghost doesn't sound to pleased from the way his voice barks from the commlink.

I groan, roll my eyes with my whole body just to get you to giggle again, and then lift the comm, "I'm in the lower levels, it'll take more than 15 minutes."

"Then you'd better hurry."

Ghost's been a hard ass lately, but I can't blame him, I've been blowing him off to spend time with you. Who needs extra training? Not an ARC trooper... probably. Might have to be better about that...

Since I know I'll be late anyway, I take my time finding my boots in your flat. I know where they are, you know I know, but we still take the time to "look". Before I'm out the door, I hold your cheek again, "He didn't deserve you, you know that, right?"

"Yeah... sorry for being so distracted today, make it up to you next time?" When you bite your lip like that, do you have any idea what it does to me?

I don't know if there's gonna be a next time. I think that's why I keep blowing off drills, because I want you, not a war. I want life, with you, always, infinitely more than running laps and fire practice... I lean forward and press my lips to your forehead, taking a deep breath, just to remember you by.

Just in case.

"Next time, I'm asking you out. Don't go falling for anymore shitty bar tenders, okay? If I'm getting one up'd, he'd gotta have quality, and-" Oh fuck me.

I hold you up as you jump onto me. My arms go under your legs and up your back as your lips crash into mine, our teeth knocking together. You split my lip, it stings, but getting to taste your chapstick is more than reward enough.

"Why'd-- mmm-- why'd you--" I can't get a word in, your kisses are feverish in their quickness, I don't want to stop, but-- but it's not right. It's not for me. It's to drown your sorrow and I can't be that for you, I don't want to be, "Stop."

I set you down gentle, you look so dejected, darlin' you're breaking my heart... "You mean the galaxy to me, you know that? But I can't... I won't be your rebound. I'm not going to be a one and done for you, got that? So when I get back, I'm askin' you on a date. I-- fuck this, I love you, I want you to love me too, so just... process, get over that idiot, and then wear red for me when I'm back so I know it's okay..."

Oh maker you're angry- no? That's- okay not crying, not confused I know your confused face... what the hell are you thinking right now? "I don't own anything red... I um... I'll get something, do you have a preference?"

My eyes soften, and yours do too, and I know... I know I won't have to wait, but I do anyway. I want to make sure you love me back... I can't be your rebound. I need to be your last.

"Vermillion is my favorite."

×××××××××××××

Taglist: @anxiouspineapple99 @wolffegirlsunite @wizardofrozz @eclec-tech @dystopicjumpsuit @clonethirstingisreal @wings-and-beskar @sunshinesdaydream @multi-fan-dom-madness @starrylothcat @n0vqni @sev-on-kamino @mythical-illustrator @523rdrebel @littlemissmanga

[lovinggreeniehours]

❤️: Talk about a moment when your (F/O) wordlessly reminded you of how much they love you.

😍: Talk about a moment when (F/O) couldn’t keep their eyes off of you.

I'd like to know about op13 but if you want to talk about anyone else go for it!!

OP13 YAY :D YAYYYYY im happy it's thursday today so we have literally nothing to study for tomorrow and i can finally do fun things for this week jfdgjgdgh OKAY so

❤️: oh my goddd,,,,,,, *malfunctions* HDSHFSGJ i had to THINK about this one honestly 😭 hmm. i think one thing (this reflects on both of them but fiiine ill just talk about optimus for this one) that's really prominent in their relationship is the acts of service aspect. these two will drop EVERYTHING they're doing if the other needs something

thirteen will offhandedly mention something about traffic? "im opening the ground bridge right now. send me your coordinates" thirteen ran out of snacks at base? optimus WILL go to the grocery store. weather is cold? thirteen gets cold easily. he may not have a jacket, but. engine. engine warm. he's going to pick up the little human and hold him near it until he stops shivering. thirteen will complain about Anything At All even a little bit and optimus will try to fix it. and it's just. it's very 🥹 i like him,,,,,

sniffles. i feel a little bad sometimes that he goes out of his way for literally everything but. it's just really sweet. hhh. he's so boyfriend okay,,,,,,,,, he's so nice to me for what 🥹🥹🥹🥹 why does he do that,,,,, he's so weird🥹

😍: okay ngl. this is. kind of all the time 😭 thinking about it too hard makes me malfunction but there's an entire gag where every time thirteen enters the room, optimus turns his head to look at him and EVERYONE SEES HIM DOING IT. like he doesn't do it on purpose or just. to be shameless. i promise hdshgdh 😭 he just. has alarm bells in his head that sound off when thirteen is within range /hj he mentally just goes "oh! thirteen! :) there he is"

the kids and most of the bots find it hilarious. ratchet wants to smack him sometimes for getting distracted but alas. it does not stop jfdjjfdghj

the first time thirteen noticed it was so cute because he wasn't entirely aware that optimus was just. Staring at him. he just thought oh eye contact and did an awkward wave. but. optimus has never waved at anyone before in his life. it's such an alien custom to him although he (correctly) assumes that it's probably some form of greeting? so like he does it back and he's so stiff in the back and forth of his hand like 😭 weh. he's so cute goddammit

[megustacat]

Find the playlists here:

Ais, the Demon Renegade

Leander, the Heroic Mage

Vere, the Chained Charlatan

Mhin, the Cursed Outsider

Kuras, the Repentant Angel

Alright it is done! I compiled all of the playlists in one post after posting each for better access to find every playlist right away. I really liked making the playlists and graphics for them and trying to go for a mixture of general vibe and fitting lyrics/music for each of them.  I’ve been wanting to break my thoughts down for each of them so I will try it with this post (also I have to apologize for euphemising some adult words and swear words or censoring them because the last time I wrote these out in a post Tumblr decided to straight up hide my post, I didn’t even know this could happen). 

Ais:

For Ais I definitely wanted a good mix of angry (sounding) songs to go with his branding as a violent outcast (like Enter Sandman, Yes Offense, Adrenalize or Jekyll and Hyde). I feel like we might have not seen much of that besides the bar brawl in the demo, but in all of his introduction posts his violent outbursts are pretty much highlighted and I have a feeling we will witness a lot of that even more in the full game. Even if he might appear more calm and slick towards the MC I feel like he got a lot of anger to contain.  Also, I wanted to capture the really weird calamity of him and the Seaspring, and his loneliness with slower and calmer songs (such as Eyes on Fire, Demons of Pain, or Flip). This man is lonely. Real lonely.  Also, since he seems to have an active thing with Vere going on (and a not so active thing with Leander lol) I also wanted to give him some suggestive songs, just the usual stuff (Horns, Gangsta, or Houndin, all in the extended playlist). 

Leander: 

Oh Leander, oh my dear.  I think his playlist encapsules the most variety in theme and sound. I didn’t try to go for a general vibe and more for songs that tend to his personality or habits and / or possible twist.  I firmly believe that Leanders doings with the Bloodhounds do mean good to the people of Lowtown, but I also believe that he loves his work. So much that he over-indulges in that way too often, as an introduction post about him said once. I also think he has fun doing what he does, because he believe is pretty self-righteous and very self-satisfyied with whatever he accomplishes, so I wanted to give him fast rock songs that highlight that and feel like he is a highly-adrenalized guy that has fun smashing in skulls of the rich bitches of Hightown (f.e. Tommy-Gun, Savior, or Snakes).  Also this b*tch is a wh*re. So I gave him some very suggestive songs that are more or less very direct and on the nose (Nasty, Daddy Issues cuz we all got them, Switch).  Then again I wanted to give him songs that tend to the opinions some of the other LIs have about him, like him being fake or too loud or obnoxious (see Fake It, Alpha, Black Mambo).  Continuing this I wanted to also give him some songs about his possible twist, basing them on the theories I have seen on here and I personally have, so I gave him some weird and / or deranged songs (Kill Bill, Devil Saint and Ich tu dir weh). 

Vere: 

I .... actually don’t think I have to explain a lot of these choices. I chose most of those because they are very clearly s*x-songs or heavily-innuendo’ed. Surely, Vere is more than just his flirts but it’s just so prevelant with him that I gave him a lot of such songs (for example I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE, I See Red, Bodies or Lurk). Very classy songs.  But since this guy is the only one who actually had the balls to snap our neck in the demo and just because he is a savvy b*tch he received a load of bossy, b*tchy songs because that’s what he deserves (like Villain, Daisy, BRAND NEW B!TCH or you should see me in a crown).  I think everything left falls somewhere under those categories or generally fit his vibe pretty well. 

Mhin: 

Mhin was more difficult than the rest so far. I definitely went with my gut feeling for a lot of these songs, since I feel like we don’t know them enough so far.  I knew I wanted songs that deal with their struggle of (probably) their curse and / or their inner monster (such as Monster, Dark Storms and My Demons). Then other songs were just supposed to go with their vibe I got from them, something quick, something slow, something melancholic, but everything kind of tied to being together and getting through something together (or alone, respectively). And since I believe that we will proceed in-game by working together with Mhin to go for a cure for their curse as well I wanted to highlight that (see Undisclosed Desires, My Blood, Run)!

Kuras:

Kuras was the hardest for me! Maybe other users don’t find it so hard to go with a good vibe for a playlist for him (or maybe I just don’t have a particularly distinct taste in music that would fit him super well), but I wanted to focus on his surreal serenity first and foremost (see songs such as Innerlight, Be With You or Bad Lovers Suite). I also wanted to give him songs that deal with his moral struggle, as soon as I am able to tell, and also decided on a handful for that topic (like Gold, Terrified and Cocoa Hooves). I don’t think I can say a lot about his playlist, since his is the shortest I did so far and I am struggling to expand on this one in particular, so if anybody has ideas and suggestions I am very open to add them to his playlist!!! Also you might notice that there are a few songs appearing in some playlists that also appear in other playlists, like I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE appears in Ais’s and Vere’s playlist, DEVIL appears in Ais’s and Leander’s playlist, Trust In Me in Kuras’s and Mhin’s playlist, and so on. I wanted to give some of them songs that connects the two of them to each other or highlight their bond or general relationship these two have. Perhaps you can find them all while listening? :3 Okay so that was my massive thing :DD  As previously said I hope I can upload another thing on Tuesday evening but the closer this deadline gets the more unlikely it feels to actually hit that :( Anyway, as always, suggestions are appreciated and I hope you liked the playlists and graphics and all!!

[doodlingcrayon]

Best part of OCs is figuring out which ones would make amazing siblings despite being complete opposites on the outside.

The worst part of OCs is knowing their timelines are just shy of each other and they'll never have that sibling relationship in your canon 🥲 weh... Gonna ramble under the read more~

The idea that scruffy, shitty, attack dog Dirk would get along great with shiny, bright, frilly Akil is a source of endless joy for me. They'd be adoptive brothers if Dirk was born just a little later, or Akil a little earlier......

Akil having a big brother like Dirk, always on his side, unconditionally, for who he is and not what he is... Akil growing up just crawling all over Dirk like a jungle gym, showing him his drawings, his poems, singing him songs. Akil combing his hair and Dirk just begrudgingly tolerating it because it makes Akil happy. Akil teaching him new words and helping with his spelling...

Dirk would roll his eyes at Akil leaning into his necromancy side, camp and all. "I thought you liked pink and shit. Which is it?" But he and Akil would have a relationship where they actually talk about everything. Akil opens up that side of himself to his big brother, about feeling different and not quite fitting in anywhere, not really. Dirk knows that all too well. He gets him a better jacket for his performances. "This one'll stop a knife better." "I don't really need it to stop a knife, Dirk." "Yeah, 'til it does and then you'll be thankin' me."

Akil completely oblivious to the people around him when he's having a good time. He's notoriously bad at watching his surroundings when he gets too excited or involved in something. But that's what Dirk's for. Dirk's always watching. He never lets his guard down, and anyone watching his baby brother for too long, for any reason (good or bad), is going to get stared at until they scram. I'm sure Akil has fussed at him and stamped his foot over it, but Dirk just nudges him with his shoulder and ignores it.

AAAAH... I love them 😭 Sorry you'll never meet in canon........

[scourgefrontiers]

Reading your thread on Bluesky, it might help to just keep your projects to yourself. Not even in a mean way but more so to feel less like an obligation to do everything all at once. There's nothign wrong with coming up with plot lines and new stories! But I've seen through the years everytime you come up with au's stories etc you make a blog you dump everything into it and reasonably get burned out. It might be better to treat some things more casually so you don't always exaughst yourself and that way to maybe you'll be able to enjoy it more if it does become more casual so you have more energy for the projects you really want to work on. TLDR: Try not to bite off more than you can chew and be ok with that its fine to just post little snippets or ideas and have fun evenjust like single page comics etc, focus on enjoying yourself and less of the next big hit.

I MEAN HONESTLY thats what im tryna do with heart of camelot and i had planned to move forward with other stories in that way as well (just making a sideblog to dump shit onto at my leisure in the form of little posts instead of a huge comic project) so i guess i am already trying that lol. i dont ever desire to make my story projects into the next big hit or whatever u.u;; i just really really love visual storytelling and its rly fun for me so i always have the desire to make projects like that bc its my passion! but the caveat to that i guess is that i get so fixated on it and wrapped up in it that i tend to overdo it lol. weh. that might be a different issue tho tbh

but ya i do appreciate it o<< im actively trying to take a different approach to my story projects tho dont worry. as much as i really super want to make more big comics im pretty aware that it always takes a lot outta me and probably would be a better decision if i dont go thru with it. unfortunately i cant rly help but feel the strong desire to do it anyway 😭 i kinda hate it

ive been thinkin for a long time abt maybe waiting until new game is done at the very least before thinking about my next project. it was either that or like. start other projects but dont fixate/focus on them too hard and let myself just work on them when the spirit moves me if that makes sense? like, if i dont feel like working on them for months then so be it, but allow myself to work on them when i feel like it too, just without feeling that obligation to do so, yknow?? idk. i'll figure smth out surely. its just been hard lately bc my mental health has been rly bad and affects my energy and motivation even for commission work which makes me feel even worse so its an awful cycle :( i just rly wanna create stuff thats enjoyable for both me and the ppl i share it with, it makes me super happy to do and its all i ever wanna do. so idk