#I guess the truth is that I have no love for men irl

[redemptiionss]

Sometimes I just think there’s something deeply wrong with me idk

[siyuuzii]

YOU.. YOU WHAT ME?

PAIRING itzy! yeji x femreader

— in which hwang yeji thinks that her academic rival, (name) likes the popular boy, yeji's older brother, hwang hyunjin. and even though she rivals (name) since she has the smarts of a genius. yeji can't help but feel jealous, ultimately leading to her confessing her love for the other girl in one of their well-known hall arguements...

GENRE non-idol au, academic rivals/enemies, angst? no comfort (yet)

WARNING|S swearing, arguments

A. NOTE all writings and reactions from these idols are from MY imagination, it does not reflect their actions and reactions irl!

more under the cut !

“have you heard? the school nerd (name) has a crush on hwang hyunjin!” “omg, really?! where'd you get that info!?” many rumours have already circulated around your academy after you were seen handing out a said love letter to the local popular boy, hwang hyunjin during valentines day, of course you didn't really gave that love letter to him because you liked him, rather it was because you're friend was too much of a coward to personally give it out to him, ordering you to do it for her, which you're still regretting to have accepted.

as you're heading to your next class, you can't help but feel uncomfortable with the fact that litteraly anyone you've walked passed at was staring holes at you, but oh well you much guessed that this is your life now at this stupid academy before you have the confidence on finally standing up to deny the fact that you really didn't like hyunjin, and possibly all men.“i bet hyunjin is (name)'s first crush, i mean i've never really seen her have skinship with anyone really.” “only with the hwang sibling's, especially with hyunjin, she's like basically glued to him—” *slam!* “you shouldn't gossip about untrue rumours about (l/n) with my brother.” that locker door slam silenced halls of spreading rumours about you and hyunjin, by none other then the sister of hyunjin, yeji. you're academic rival. you were a floor away from the scene but you already know that the commotion was caused by her and no one else.

passing by the stairs a familiar voice called you. “(l/n)!” the loud voice echoed troughout the halls of students who we're quickly scurrying away to not get caught with the commotion yeji and you will probably create. But having enough of practically everyone, you didn't stop to argue back at yeji — instead, ignored the call and continued walking and with heavy sounds of heels walking behind you, it was clear that yeji was following you. “so, you like my brother?” yeji said, emphasizing the brother part loudly. most part of you wanted to stop and finally stand up to deny those rumors, but you kept walking, the weight of yeji's words hanging heavy in the air. “oh, so you do, huh? well guess what he doesn't give two shit about you, (l/n)!” yeji continued, the rumors had spread like wildfire, consuming every corner of the academy, and now, even yeji seemed convinced of it's truth, but even if you did like hyunjin, why was she so pressed by it? she's just your academic rival or maybe enemy. it's none of her business to have a care about your love life, maybe she's just doing this to spite you up.

as you reached a quiet corner of the hallway, you finally turned to face her, the frustration evident in your eyes. "no! yeji, i don't like your, stupid brother! okay?!" you asserted, your voice was probably louder than hers earlier. “plus, why are you so pressed about it?!” you continued, but as you we're about to say something again, yeji quickly cut you off. “oh, my foot! sure you don't have a crush on him. and im also sure that you giving that love letter was JUST a friendly act of gesture!” she shouted back at you.

as yeji's words pierced the air, frustration and disbelief surged within you. her accusations felt like daggers, slicing through the fragile peace you had tried to maintain amidst the storm of rumors.

with each shouted word, the tension between you and Yeji escalated, the weight of misunderstanding pressing down upon you like a suffocating blanket. but beneath the anger and frustration, there lingered a flicker of hurt, a pang of betrayal at Yeji's insinuations.

“ugh! no yeji for the nth time. i. don't. have. a. crush. on. your. gosh. darn. brother! that letter wasn't from me! it was from—”

“oh, yeah right! that letter was from your friend, blah blah blah—” “gosh yeji! why can't you just see it!! that letter wasn't from me, it was from my friend, and i don't have a crush or love hyunjin! it's you!! it's you who i have a crush on! okay?!”

yeji's eyes widened in surprise, disbelief coloring her features as your words hung in the air. the silenced hallway only rang quieter, leaving only the echo of your confession between you two. "what? you.. you what me?"

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: Anonymous

our interviewee today is the anonymous author of the "SBI Crit Post". he's asked to both remain anonymous and not to be sought out; he's been incredibly helpful and polite through this entire interview process, and i would ask you all to leave any residual feelings you may have from that time at the door. If you think you remember who posted it, please keep it to yourself. that said, let's begin!

Q: Before we begin talking about the ‘Crit Post’, I’d love to hear what your experience of MCYTblr was like before it was posted. Do you have any standout memories from this time?

A: Not particularly. There's some things that I guess looking back on nowadays is kind of wild, like how in the groups I was running in, shipping of any kind that wasn't DNF was super frowned upon (as in, I trigger tagged for IRL shipping)…but truthing wasn't really? Or, how back then the lines between 'critblr' and main mcytblr were super fuzzy. I hung out with both groups before the Crit Post to no issue. Oh!!! And this is a wonderful piece of MCYTblr lore that you may not know, but when I posted the Crit Post, I was apart of a MCYT art exchange themed after MCC called MC Creatives. I think it only happened once, and I can't exactly remember who ran it. They were a really nice DNF (? or just DTeam) blogger. I think it's cool to see that even back then the community was pretty tight knit and had overarching community activities like we see today. It's interesting to me that our fandom has missed out on some of the more important parts to being a fandom… not many big bangs, only one or two that I know of. It's very sad, but we are a weird fandom in general, and definitely a Modern Fandom, if you understand what I mean by that LOL. There is one memory that does stick out, completely irrelevant to this interview though. The fake Dreambur meetup. I pulled an all nighter for it. I was shaking. I drew fanart (though never posted it). Everyone was hysterical. And then it was faked and everyone went WHAT.

Q: As you let me know in your dms, you were the user who made the original “SBI Crit Post”. Would you mind giving a quick rundown of what it was exactly, for anyone who may not know?

A: I would, but frankly I barely remember anything about it. It was like… I saw someone being like "weird that we aren't as critical of SBI as we are of DT" and I thought, "Well, I can probably try?" and made shit up. It was nonsense. I can't even remember what I said about Philza. The points against the others were "Tommy is too young to be in this business" "Wilbur queerbaits" and… "Technoblade needs to be less honest about his ADHD he's glorifying it" or something like that. Again, it was nonsense at its best.

Q: What was your reasoning at the time for making the post? Did the overall culture around you play a part in it?

A: Here's the part no one knows: At the time of posting, I was 13 by maybe… one, two, or three weeks. And I'd spent almost the entirety of my time as a 12 year old in a community that was like "we need to be Critical of our Favorite Creators because this is Righteous and the Only Good Way To Engage With MCYT" and I was like "Everyone here is older than me and therefore endlessly smarter than me," and therefore just accepted it. You can see it very clearly in the part that was "critical" of Wilbur Soot. He was queerbaiting for what? Acting like he wanted to kiss men? Dressing nice? Ridiculous! But if we called Dream a queerbaiter (and never GNF, because everyone was convinced he was gay), then I thought surely Wilbur Soot could also be a queerbaiter! This made total sense to baby 13 year old me. It's not fair to really call that indoctrination: it's not like I was falling down an alt-right pipeline or anything. I was just a stupid kid with too much internet access who liked minecraft and knew nothing about like Dan & Phil or Septiplier (kind of thing that would make me suspicious of this activity--especially truthing). I thought I was fufilling some honor by saying "and yes, my favorite minecraft boys aren't without fault either!" The people that stayed friends with me after that… some of them were my closest normal non-Critblr friends, who refused to abandon me (shout out to you guys you know who you are), and the rest were the people in Critblr who were… okay with my behavior.

Q: I understand that the backlash to the post was very intense– what was it like from your perspective? Did it have any affect on you?

A: Lots. Lots and lots and lots. I lost a bunch of my close friends who weren't okay with what I'd said or how I'd doubled down, and it really messed with me as a kid in the middle of quarantine. There were times where I genuinely considered hurting myself irreperably as either a way to "apologize for what I had done" or just a way to stop worrying that everyone I knew was going to block me one day. Those feelings lasted for a long time, I still struggle with them to this day, over three years later (? I think). And I was kind of lead to believe that was an okay response. I recieved asks the night that it all went down where I was told I should hurt myself. Of course my own behavior wasn't cool, but neither was that. I know there was a post out there by a popular (at the time?) Technoblade blogger that detailed the faults in that post, but I never read it. All I knew about it was that people saw it, and harassed me because they saw it, and that the OP of that post hated me. It got to the point that seeing that blogger's URL caused me to have panic attacks, a ridiculous thing because that blogger as far as I know never actually did anything wrong. I don't know. Every once in awhile, someone in the server I'm in (hi some of you are definitely reading this :3 i love you guys) will bring up the post in passing and I'll have to mute the channel for 24 hours because I'm scared. Or even when we're discussing normal drama, if something feels too close to the Crit Post, or like it might come up, I'll get shaky and nauseous and have to mute the channel for 24 hours. It's weird, the shit being told to kill yourself because you did something dumb as a 13 year old can do to you.

Q: As a follow-up: What, if anything, do you wish had happened instead?

A: I don't know really. I guess the obvious answer is "I didn't make the post" or "I didn't double down", but I think the real answer has to be that I wish the community I was in hadn't taught me that what I was doing was an okay move.

Q: Do you have anything else to add about the Crit Post, MCYTblr, or the community as a whole?

A: Not really. I "retired" from MCYTBlr in I think 2022, but kept a passing interest in it for a long time, and I'm still active in a discord (hi again) comprised entirely of fans and retired fans. I loved MCYT, and in some ways, I still do. When I'm sad, I put on old Technoblade videos. When I'm really sad, I put on old Purpled videos. These things are my comforts, things that I haven't ever been able to give up. And that's good! Even if I don't talk about MCYT anymore, I'm glad it's there for me.

[mageofseven]

The Boys' Opinions on MC's Dog

Same premise as the one with the cat, but this time with my sweet furbaby Elsa~

This is Elsa, my babygirl 🥰

I adopted her a few years back during a time of heavy depression and she has boosted me up for the better.

She is a chihuahua mix (or so the people I adopted from guessed; their other guess was a terrier mix) and was found wandering the streets. They think she escaped her previous owner's backyard, but aren't sure because no one came looking for her. I adopted her when she was one and a half.

Before anyone asks though, I will explain about her eyes. Those pinky red spots are her tear ducts, as I was told. We call them her cherry eyes and she's had them since I adopted her. I've talked about them with the vet and the lady said they don't hurt her or anything of the sort; they just sorta look strange when they pop out like this.

There is a surgery to fix it, but it's was too expensive and then she might have to have eye drops in her eyes for the rest of her life (and she hates eye drops a lot). Overall, I feel like it would cause her more harm than good to do it anyway.

I made sure explain this because I've literally had people (both irl and through me messaging them her picture) react like "Dear god, what is wrong with her eyes!!!" And it's like chill dude and stop insulting my dog.

She's still a beautiful and sweet little girl 🥰💕

So yeah! She's fine so there's no need to worry about the cherry eyes. She is however partially blind in one eye, but that is because...well, she dislikes cats and in the beginning of taking care of her brother Beanie, she wasn't his biggest fan. One day she had him cornered, he swatted her, and I had a $300 vet bill on my hands.

She is a sweet girl though! She just thinks she's bigger and tougher than she actually is. I call her my little Gryffindor sometimes lol.

Elsa's other names: Elsa Mae, Babygirl, Baby Love, Little Love, Baby Angel, Sweet Girl, and Little Bitch (jokingly since the non cuss word meaning of bitch is female dog and she's little, hence little bitch lol)

And lastly

The Queen 👑 hehe~

Now let's see how the Boys' handle her! She is quite needy so let's see how this goes hehe.

•▪︎▪︎◇°●♡●°◇▪︎▪︎•

Lucifer:

Was honest less reluctant than he was in Beanie's timeline.

Lucifer preferred big dogs (evident by Cerberus), but believed small dogs have their own charms.

Elsa was just this little helpless girl and he quickly grew a soft spot for her.

She was bit annoying though since she was always crying about something

But she was easy to soothe and the pride demon did enjoy holding her close and comforting her

Once she got used to him at least.

In truth, Elsa is scared of men, something we guess to be a part of a past trauma, either from when she was on the streets or because her first owner treated her poorly.

Because of this, it takes her awhile to feel safe with any man

But Lucifer is very patient and soft with her and he soon becomes one of her favorite people.

She can often be found on his lap as he does paperwork and will gently distract him from his work with a nudge of her nose to his arm.

Though it was annoying to him at first, those brief periods of having to stop his work for a moment to pet the needy furbaby actually did wonders for his stress.

Overall, he finds Elsa slightly tiring, but very sweet and enjoys the comfort she gives him.

Mammon:

This dude likes making fun of the dog

And gets smacked by MC on the arm or back of the head every time they hear him say anything mean.

In truth, he does like the chubby little thing.

Elsa's cries for attention always make this need dude feel needed and that's a feeling Mammon really wishes he felt more.

He pretends to find her annoying, but in truth grows to love her.

Some nights he'll try to steal the pup from her mama's (MC's) bed just for the dog to turn on him and bark still the whole house knows he's doing shit.

Will sometimes bribe her with food to try to get Elsa to choose him over his other brothers and it will usually work since she's so food driven.

Overall, Elsa makes this man feel important and gets Mammon addicted to the feeling.

Leviathan:

This dog knows how to make him feel guilty and he hates it.

He can't even eat a meal without her staring at him.

Feels like she thinks he's some monster who would starve her just 'cause he eats his own food.

Elsa's big eyes are good at this so it's not just Levi.

The envy demon also hates when she tries to come into his room.

Levi isn't worried she'll mess with his stuff or anything like that since she's such a good dog.

However, his room is stuffed with things that could crush the tiny girl if they fell

And this man has too much anxiety to chance it

So instead she cries outside his bedroom till eventually she fall asleep against his door.

Almost stepped on her while leaving his room once and this dude still hasn't forgiven himself.

Overall is very anxious about her size and just tries to distance himself from what he sees as an incredibly fragile little thing.

Satan:

This man is a cat lover; we all know this.

Still, he treats Elsa nice enough.

Will sometimes have to excuse himself when she cries too much.

It really gets on his nerves and the Avatar of Wrath knows his limits at this point.

Will pet her and call her a good girl, but that is the extent of his interactions with her.

Another brother worried about Elsa coming into their room.

Satan has so many books and many cursed books.

The poor girl could get severely hurt if a pile fell on her

And there's always the risk of a curse one touching her and then Satan will have to explain to MC why her precious pup is now a baby chick or something like that.

It's just safer to keep her out.

Overall, Satan is good to her, but overall disinterested.

Asmodeus:

Omg she's too perfect!!!

Gushes over the furbaby and spoils her with love.

Will refuse to let her on his lap if she's been outside recently though; Elsa has dirtied his clothes like this in the past and it upset the lust demon when his favorite pants got mud on them.

Is usually the brother ready to snuggle her when she cries.

Overall, Asmo loves Elsa very much and will always give her the affection she craves.

Beelzebub:

The man who can never put her down.

This dog just activates his Daddy instincts and he can't help but take care of her.

Is literally terrified of stepping on her; he is a big man and she is a tiny girl after all.

This is a part of why he holds her so much; if she's in his arms then she can never be hurt.

Plus hugging her makes him oh so happy 🥺💕

Is the brother that helps with most of Elsa's needs.

Beel will trim her nails for MC, despite Elsa's loud wails the entire time like she's being murdered (she hates her paws being touched). It hurts his heart, but he knows it's good for her.

Will sometimes help MC give her a bath, but not always.

Her cry is extra sad and pathetic, enough to break the hearts of anyone within hearing distance and it's too much for Beely 😢

Finds it funny afterwards when she refuses the towel and dries herself on the carpet (she rolls around and does a funny dancer essentially) while staring at MC with accusatory eyes.

Unfortunately, Beel is always one to sneak her food as well 😅

Elsa is a bit overweight and the vet wants her to lose some pounds but this girl is always hungry.

For obvious reasons, this man empathizes with her and can't help but sneak her some dog-safe food at times.

Overall, Beel fell in love. MC may be this dog's mama but he wants to be the daddy so bad.

Please MC 🥺👉👈

Belphegor:

Gets annoyed with her easily and can say some pretty mean things to her.

Belphie doesn't mean it though! Boy is just grouchy when woken up and Elsa tends to do that a lot.

She can't jump on beds by herself so cries and cries till she is finally placed on it.

Once the pup snuggles up with him to join him for his nap, the sloth demon immediately feels like an ass.

Belphie is also the one Elsa runs to when there's a thunderstorm.

She'll hide under the blankets with Belphie and he'll do his best to stay awake long enough to give the shaking dog some comfort.

Overall, likes her but gets annoyed by her a lot.

Diavolo:

This man gets so excited when MC brings Elsa to the castle!

Barb has zero chance of getting the prince to do work when the sweet pup visits with her mama lol

Honestly, this man is probably one of the few Elsa bonds with the quickest.

Dia is just so happy and showers her in love and treats (he always has an excuse for MC for why it's perfectly fine for Elsa to have so many treats 'just this once').

Elsa will literally run to this man the very second she sees him.

This little girl loves her 'Uncle Dia' so much (and boy, does Diavolo love being called that 🥰)

Barb takes the interruption to the prince's work schedule in stride

And even will uses it a motivator to get the man through his paperwork without staring out the window for like ten minutes at a time.

Will often make deals like 'like finish x amount of papers today and I will ask MC to bring Elsa tomorrow afternoon and bam, the work is done in lightning speed.

Elsa is more of a help than a hindrance to the prince's work so it all works out well 🥰🤭

Overall, Dia loves Elsa to bits and wishes she could visit more.

Barbatos:

Honestly, this man is no where near as close to Elsa as he was was with Beanie.

He finds Elsa cute and a good motivator for Diavolo, but a bit of a trouble maker.

Elsa doesn't quite understand what the Little Ds around the castle are, but assumes they are strange animals.

She'll snarl and try chasing the Little Ds, only for some to push her back or scare her off, resulting in her running to Barbatos and hiding behind his leg as she shakes.

This prompts Barb to frown and make a small sigh before kneeling down and comforting the scared pup.

Elsa causes problems for herself and expects help from the butler; this is no different from some people he knows and so he is used to it.

I'll admit, he never completely got over the time she tracked her muddy footprints all over the castle after being in the garden on a damp day, but blames MC more than he blames the ignorant pup.

Overall, Barb likes Elsa, but is less than thrilled about some aspects of her.

Solomon:

Honestly finds the dog precious.

It takes a while for Elsa to get familiar with him and not let her fear of men include him though.

Solomon was patient though and had no issues with waiting.

Didn't go out his way to bribe or force affection onto Elsa; just let time do its thing.

Even once the two started bonding, Elsa would bark every time he comes into House of Lamentation.

Solomon just laughs it off and say HoL has a pretty good security system now.

Despite the rather loud greeting, the dog always has to sit on his lap for a bit and will whine to rush him to sit down.

Overall, Solomon likes Elsa and thinks she's funny.

Simeon:

#1 pet sitter right here.

This angel sees Elsa as one of the most precious beings he's ever seen and is always up for pet sitting when need be.

Despite her fear of men, Elsa was never the least bit scared of Simeon.

Why that is, MC has no clue, but it definitely made some of the other men jealous in the beginning.

Just Simeon's name alone will make the dog run to the door and whine, making her think he's here to visit her.

His name becomes a trigger word the residents of HoL have to spell in order not to hype her up for disappointment

Just for Elsa to somehow associate the spoken letters of his name to his name and react the same.

How the hell is this dog so good at spelling???

(She legit is. Spell 'treat' around her and she will lose her shit; idk man she is too smart for her own good lol)

They literally just have to refer to him as 'the angel' when he's not around, a fact that Simeon finds funny.

Overall, Simeon loves the sweet pup dearly and Elsa loves him to a degree that shocks others lol

Luke:

!!!!!!!!!!!

The best of friends, through and through.

Luke practically fell in love with the dog instantly and Elsa loves older kids so the feeling was mutual.

(She doesn't like toddlers because of the time my nephew hit her when he was two, but loves older kids who know how to be gentle).

Often begs MC to let him to sleepover HoL for a night so he can spend more time with Elsa and even snuggle her while he falls asleep.

Will also bake her peanut butter treats, a favorite of hers 💕

These two are freaking cute together and no one is immune to it.

Overall: Besties. What more can I say?

[talesfrommedinastation]

In Defense of Tech's Hairline

It breaks my heart when I see fan art of Tech with a full head of hair. 

While I don’t mind seeing different versions of him (darker skin and different features to better resemble Temuera Morrison is awesome, and I love it!), it does seem as if fans are trying to override a critical part of aging for many adults. 

After all, 50% of biological men will lose their hair before 50, 25% of them before the age of 21. 21! 

So, when people change Tech’s hairline, it makes me feel quite sad. It’s something that many people go through, and it’s as if the message is: “If you’re balding, you’re not handsome enough. I need to fix that.”  

(Tech's skin, bone structure, and puppy dog eyes prove that statement is wrong, as seen above).

Which is far from the truth. There’s plenty of incredibly handsome folks with less hair, but even so, it’s a part of aging that many people are incredibly insecure and embarrassed about, because society sees thick hair as beautiful, and receding or balding as old or silly. 

Look, I’m a lady with long blond hair in real life. So why am I worked up about this? 

Well, let me tell a quick story, namely, of a guy I know who reminds me so much of Tech. 

That guy is my husband of almost a decade. 

A chief systems engineer with a graduate degree in science, my husband is an adrenaline junkie, an Eagle Scout, a gaming geek, and an absolute loving papa bear to our daughters. He’s Tech IRL, and it’s part of the reason I fell head over heels in love with that member of Clone Force 99. 

(Above: Tech, but I'm sure my spouse has said that to me when I've asked when we're finally going on vacation to Hawai'i).

My husband and I met in graduate school, when he was 23 and  I was 24. He wrestled in high school, and did competitive jiu-jitsu throughout undergrad and graduate school as well. As a result, his fair hair was always buzzed, making it impossible to grab during a grapple. But there was another reason he kept his hair very short.

My then-boyfriend was already going bald, in his early 20’s. 

He could have been sensitive about it, but, ever the stoic cowboy type (I married a Texan, what can I say?) he just shrugged it off, and kept his hair barely above stubble, so few noticed. Eventually, he grew it out, but his receding hairline still bothered him.

He made up for it by growing a magnificently sculpted beard, but snarky remarks from friends and strangers still came through, ranging from how he looked older than me, to asking who he was cursed by to have so much facial hair but none on his head. 

Finally, the inevitable ‘halo’ happened, shortly after our wedding. You know what I’m talking about:

 My husband was not even 30. When he noticed the inevitable full loss of his hair, because of a friend’s unflattering picture of him on Facebook, the clippers came out, and he’s had a fully buzzed and shaved head (a la Captain Picard) ever since. 

Once in a while, he lets his hair grow back…and that hairline comes out, along with the halo on his crown. And guess who happened to be on the screen when my toddler and I were scrolling through Disney + one fine day? 

Sure enough, my almost two year old actually pointed at the screen and screamed, “DADA!” when Tech appeared. The fact that it was a scene where Tech was happily ignoring everyone and tapping away on his data pad was pure kismet--that was my husband on the screen!

My youngest and I got hooked on the show ever since. 

My husband is a dashing, handsome, confident guy who knows he’s smart and that he’s loved.

Just like Tech. 

Seeing the internet go donkey bonkers for him and that hairline of his makes me grin nonstop. (We will not discuss the finale on season 2 here and no, I have not let my toddler watch it either) I like knowing that a ton of people are absolutely simping and crushing on a guy with a receding hairline.

It gives me hope that many who are not feeling confident due to hair loss can see someone like Tech, and suddenly think: “The man is self-assured as all heck, and he has hair like me. Maybe I should be more like him!”

We do not talk as much about hair loss, because, ironically enough, Tech has a quote about it: "It is a fundamental part of life."

So, when I see Tech redrawn with a full head of hair, I just think of the heartache my poor honey went through as a young guy in his 20’s, already facing an inevitable part of aging the vast majority do not look forward to. 

It's inevitable, but there's plenty of handsome dudes with little to no hair, ranging from Picard to Jason Statham and now, our animated neurodivergent prince of the Marauder. I love his hairline.

 Besides, we all can’t be Howzer, dang it, with his flawless fade and mop of glorious hair.

("Howzer deserves his own issue of Tiger Beat," - Reddit)

[1eos]

hello ms kendra! first off just wanted to say i hope you're doing well and i love your blog theme. also that i hope only good things come to you and those you love 💗

i don't know if you feel comfortable sharing, so please don't worry if you don't want to answer, but how did you know you were a lesbian? sorry if this seems out of the blue ahfjfkal but i've been kind of questioning myself lately and i trust your thoughts and opinions and i was just... looking for some thoughts/feelings i guess? once again please don't feel pressured to answer. thank you for reading 💗 have a sexy day ms leos!

omg its not too much at all 😭😭😭 how i realized i was a lesbian was obvious in retrospect but i was surrounded by so much comphet i didnt realize it was an option until one day i was like ohhhhhhh i can just like women lol

anyways when i was a kid i felt a bit left out bc ive always been a girls girl and only rarely found boys worth hanging out with but when all my girl friends were starting to be boy crazy i just had. no interest. none at all. when i was in elementary school the one boy everyone liked he did nothing for me but i started to fantasize abt him liking me so all the GIRLS would like me 😭😭😭 like i said obvious

but it didnt click bc i had crushes on 2 guys. one was gay so 😶😂 LOL and for a while i was like so im not gay bc i liked 2 guys but then i realized those 'crushes' were just how i am with ppl i like and want to be friends with. this all encompassing desire to be with them 24/7. i didnt want to do anything w my friends i just wanted to but stuck on them and im the same way to this day just toned down (scorpio vedic moon)

and then i started having intense and tumultuous friendships with other girls who similarly didn't like boys at all. and i would be consumed in wanting to be with her all the time and got jealous. it was how i was w close friends but even more intense bc it tended to be mutual. YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES. like i was in a toxic lesbian not relationship in middle school looking back

and then in high school when my mom left me alone at home i would runnnnn to the dvd player and rewatch the sex scene in monster's ball bc halle berry was topless 😭😭😭 i was kinda obsessed w sex but again had NO interest in the men? and if boys approached me irl i would just be like 🧍���‍♀️ what the hell did u want. and i was learning that u can be other things than just straight so even tho i was fucking sneaking away at my grandma house (we didnt have internet at our house) to scroll thru playboy and look at pics of half-naked WOMEN bc i didn't want to be desired by men i was like 'ohhhh ok so im asexual'

I WAS SO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH but comphet was fucking beating my ass bruh. andddd in college i branched out started meeting more girls like me (black and gay) and i was like oh ok. so im NOT abnormal there are ppl like me. met more men still didnt want to do anything w them. met more girls i wanted to fucking build a house with after geeking out after dragon age once. anyways i got a girlfriend...sophomore year and magically turned from sexless nun to disgusting horny beast and also i met this very sexy butch girl who i wanted to [redacted] so bad and wouldve if not for girl code. and it finally clicked that girls just do it for me 😭😭😭😭severely. all the romance and sex things i was all ick abt fell into place bc i finally beat the comphet. ofc i found sex disgusting bc i didnt like men and it put alllllllllllllll previous relationships into perspective

so for me what helped was to just not try to force myself into any label or worry oh what if im actually this or that? i just lived my life liked who i liked and slowly the reality that i want girls to [redacted entry] me very nastily fell into place!

and thank you so muchhhhh wishing good things on you too. good things and clarity 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[foxymoxynoona]

I’m gonna start with TKAK because I took flux personally I have a lot of insults to deliver and my lawyer will contact you in the next few days for emotional damage☺️.

TKAK: This story gets better and better every chapter. And I feel like the actual story didn’t even start yet! I’m a sucker for royal drama (both irl and in fiction lol) and intrigues. It is soo layereeed and it makes want to know everything NOW. I usually make predictions about character and well I get them wrong every time lol but DULCE DAMN I CAN’T READ HER AT ALL. Who is she?? why is she there??? The only thing I can think about her is that she’ll end up being the actual “villain” of the story but other than that zero, nothing, nada goood I’m so curious. AND THE DRAMA IN THE COURT ROOM MSJSOW that was so upsetting and dramatic poor kid didn’t need to throw him across the fucking room like that😫. But there is something more to it and my lil conspiracy theory brain is working🧠😶‍🌫️. Also, #JusticeForTheRabbit #IStandWithTheRabbit #FindTheRabbitOrImGonnaCry.

Alright, the elephant in the room, I’ll try to be civil: I believe JK could’ve handled the situation with a bit more maturity starting from.. telling her?🤪 well on this blog we’ve been telling him for MONTHS to do that so.. forewarned is forearmed🤷🏻‍♀️. Honestly sure, Sasha has no right to be jealous about him fucking around because “they were on a break😑” (quoting my least favorite character on friends😬) but imo these “no rights to be” cancel out as soon as he literally gave her an STD. In all honestly, I’m probably less experienced than JK certified international playboy but even I know that anytime your crotch is bare and is touching something it’s probably thoughtful to check that🫤. What made me want to punch a wall was Namjoon tho. EXCUSE ME? THE AUDACITY OF MEN? “SHE CAN’T BE MAD!!! sucks you gave her chlamydia😢 BUT DUMP HER IF SHE’S JEALOUS!” Michele, come and collect your man please he’s delusional. I though he was the 148IQ one but apparently it stops at common sense. And JK regressed to age five, no offense to 5-year-olds who are definitely smarter and more mature than him. “If Naoko could be chill about getting a text saying he might have given her chlamydia why couldn’t Sasha?” Idk big boy did Naoko said she loves you? Is Naoko your girlfriend? Is Naoko not rejecting the idea of bringing you at the altar when people joke about it? Then I guess the trust level is just a tiiiny bit different, that’s why. Sasha left him before but truth be told, this would’ve been my dealbreaker. First breakup was hurtful and almost seemed unnecessary but this one? Girl if Sasha were my real life friend I’d be with her telling her to dump his ass lol. (Sasha if you read this don’t do it🤪)

🌸

I love that you're still eying Dulce and wondering who she really is. She's definitely in a situation and a profession where she's not supposed to "be herself" in any way, but there are little mometns where she creeps out. Same with Nasimiyu and same with Seokjin, particularly in his safe space bedroom (that I want to have for me.) While I know how I intend for the story to go, it'll be interesting to see how reactions nudge the story here or there; they always do and I think they're better because of it! #justiceforlettie

The Naoko comparison killed me. Girlfriend with chalmydia and knows you lied by omission to her reacting in face to face versus acquaintance who wants you(r tattoo business) and knows she does not have chlamydia but does not know you're lying by omission reacting over text 🤦‍♀️ Now the question, will Sasha dump him? 🤪

Tell your lawyer I said "hey girl hey."

[game-boy-pocket]

Nintendo Direct Thoughts

I just woke up and had a look, not expecting much given this is one of those "we're at the end of the Switch's life" Directs but honestly I was surprised.

We start with a brand new Mario and Luigi game... we've been getting lots of remakes for Mario RPGs but this is a new one and honestly was the one I expected to get a new game the least out of all of them. To tell the truth I would have preferred a continuation of SMRPG or a new traditional Paper Mario over this, cuz a party made up of just Mario and Luigi was novel when Luigi wasn't appearing in as many games but now it feels boring by comparison. I wish they would do more with the idea of adding on surprise guest party members, like how the 2nd game had the Baby Bros and the Third game had Bowser, then Paper Mario, but after that it just a weird version of Luigi? idk man. This looks neat, I'm glad the franchise isn't dead. I'll think about picking it up. Probably not a day 1 purchase. I do hope other Mario RPGs have a chance at continuing too though.

I still think the Nintendo World Championships is pointless.

Not interested in Fairy Tail, I only ever read a bit of the Manga, I'd like to check out the anime but lisenced anime games are a hard sell for me. Wish they'd just make another One Piece Grand Battle style game.

Don't care about Fantasian, Nintendo Switch Sports has a bad reputation and I don't care about sports anyway so that's a pass, pass on Mio, pass on Disney, pass on Hello Kitty, give me a sequel to the Keroppi platformer for the NES and then we'll talk, It's weird to see Loney Tunes in a video game. That Porky Pig voice was rough. I don't have hopes for it, Don't care about Among Us or Farmagia...

Donkey Kong Country Returns... not a new game, and they didn't announce any new playable characters or features aside from levels from the 3DS version, and I wish they gave DK and Diddy more of a facelift, but i'll take it, a way to play DKCR on the big screen, hopefully without the motion controls, is a win... but please Nintendo.... give us a new DK game...

Dragon Quest III 2DHD. I am very mixed about the whole 2D HD thing, I don't think it looks good. Never have. This looks a lot better than Octopath to me but I still don't like it. Also, I respectfully disagree with Mr. Horii. Playing the games in chronological order is not the best way to experience the Erdrick Trilogy, and that's a pretty dumb thing to say. That's like telling someone to read a Murder Mystery but start with the final chapter. The big twist in DQ3 will be meaningless to those who haven't played, at the very least, DQ1... I'm glad all 3 games are getting the treatment. I am a big fan of the trilogy so even though I don't care for the whole 2D HD thing, I'll pick it up, and who knows, maybe the style will grow on me.

Funko is a fucking joke. I'm ehh about Luigi's Mansion 2 but I might pick it up anyway if I have extra cash burning a hole in my pocket and I really want a new game. Don't care about Denpa Men, Would prefer Traditional Metal Slug, Don't care about Darkest Dungeon, Don't care about NSO but it's nice that those games are now available for people, Phantom Braves has a cute art style but i'm not interested in the gameplay, Marvsl and Capcom arcade collection might be worth a look but idk, I'm no good at fighting games, so i'd only be in it for the beat em ups.

I tried to like Mario Party but I just can't get into that style of game. I want to like it because I love the Mario series but it's just not fun for me, either with friends or going it alone, I hate board games irl, making them video games doesn't actually help, and I think the minigames are just not fun and over too quickly.

I wish I was excited about our first new 2D Zelda in a long time. But Link has always been...ugh... I guess you could call him a "comfort character" for me. I never liked Princess Zelda that much, and I enjoy the combat in Zelda games a lot, so a game without Link and without Combat.... I am apprehensive. The one thing that might save this game for me is that it has hints of monster taming. Not like... real monster taming, you're creating copies, so it's not like your bonding with monster companions, but it's still monster vs monster, and that's something I'd love to see expanded on. Give me a full on Zelda monster tamer.... I hope this isn't "The new direction for 2D Zelda" the way BOTW is for 3D Zelda though. I was kinda hoping 2D Zelda would keep traditional Zelda alive while 3D Zelda continued being open air.

More headlines, I don't care about just dance, never was a fan of legos, stray was interesting when it was first announced but the novelty wore off after watching ppl play it, there's a lot of games like lately. Don't care about the Hobbit, and i'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know I don't care about a lot of things and I know t he franchise has a lot of fans but I just don't care about Ace Attourney. And don't care about Hunted Line, looks edgy. I know SaGa has a legacy, but I'd prefer to try an older game before thinking about checking out a new one.

Metroid Prime 4 looks interesting. We have Sylux with some Metroids following him around. We have orchestral sounding music. It's definitely Metroid Prime alright. Can't wait to play it for myself.

Despite how often I said "don't care" I'd call this a good direct.

TLDR, Metroid is the most exciting thing there, I'm happy for the DKCR remake, I'm apprehensive about Zelda but I'm gonna try it. Mario and Luigi i'll probably pick up some day.

[mycomori]

like i woke up w a fuckin lvjy song stuck in my head this morning can he at least have the decency to fuck the hell off and stay out of my head! i hate you! i fucking hate you! we’re the same age and i would rather die than end up like you, like my dad, like any man who lets his personal problems out by abusing his loved ones. fuck him. FUCK HIM. i’m still so angry and betrayed even weeks after i could fucking cry. every emotion has just became anger and hopelessness. i’ll never trust anyone again especially people i don’t know irl but even then. i already had major trust issues, this shit didn’t exactly help w that. more like it only reinforced that i truly cannot trust anyone especially men. it’s a terrible but undeniable truth in my life. i’ve always wanted so desperately to trust people but ive only ever been punished for it. why think the best of people if they’re just gonna spit it back in your face by being fuckin terrible? what’s the fucking point of trusting ANYONE. he’s not new, fuck i mean at least he wasn’t some i knew irl and has an actual relationship w, i know from experience that would be so much harder. but this is second to that, a man at the center of my years long comfort fiction turns out to be an unrepentant abuser, how the fuck am i not supposed to have a breakdown about that? it shattered me. but at least i didn’t know him personally. that’s one small mercy i guess. i guess…..

[benefits1986]

Bad Genes + Bad Vibes = Best Life?

Hello, hello! It's been a while. The past months have been really crazy. I guess that while Q4 2023 will be crazier, I've grounded myself and kind of pumped to finish the year strong. You see, H1 tested my vulnerability. I actually found myself in a tabula rasa and then poof, here I am.

Forget manifestations. Forget Mercury and Pluto retrograde. I think, this year one of the most curious ones. I've been talking about my Brene Brown era (aka Brownism); and it really hit home and hit hard. Been back to writing and creating, which I am learning more and more about in line with algorithms, AI and prompt engineering. Yes, babe! We're in Black Mirror SZN 7: Dystopian Era IRL, finally. I often joke around that we're off to being our own versions of cyborgs, mutants and marionettes. And honestly, this is my childhood dream. Thank you, X-Men! I guess this is where my Venn Diagram comes in. I guess this is where my next chapter is heading. Anyhow, why on earth are we talking about these stuff? This curious content appeared in my feed as I've been consuming both Steven's and Gabor's independent content bits and pieces. This time around, it's layered with Prince Harry and his nepo battle in the new era.

Bad genes and bad nature come together. These two may be the modern world's deadliest weapons. Why so? Even when there's so much argument in the stances of Gabor regarding how you're wired based on your conception until your first days on earth, truth is that a good number of health risks are rooted on your traumas as well as your trauma responses and your coping mechanisms.

Mother Dragon loved Princess Di but she never mentioned Prince Charles during her fangirl days and nights. Princess Di is a complex main character and maybe a villain to some, too. But mom saw her as some sort of peg. She didn't dress like her because she's the jeans/shorts with plain shirt and sneakers kind of woman. She didn't talk and walk like her. However, I saw her cut her hair short. Probably, this is her own way of mimicking her goddess. Mom loved her even more when she saw the Princess of Wales held hands with no less than Mother Teresa. Mom is a devout Catholic so this is much like the pinnacle of her fangirl chapter.

The refreshing bit about this interview is that it brings the important discussion about how one's being and nothingness is defined by his/her earliest childhood memories. Another topic is about how suppressing anger and emotions, especially among women, increases the chances of having auto immune diseases. I grew up in the universe of battling mom's GBS which for me is worse than a deadly case of COVID. Why so? GBS slowly kills you. While at it, GBS extinguishes your personhood as it comes without any warning, and without an antidote. While IVig or Intravenous Immunoglobulin is the main character in curing GBS, the truth is, GBS patients may recover but its long term effects may include numbing all over, muscle weakness and probable loss plus fatigue. Back in 2004, there was no mention of working on GBS patients' mental health. There was no support group accessible to me and mom because cases back then were 1 out 700,000 in the US.

NOTE: GBS is not passed on to the children HOWEVER, studies show that those who contract it are the kids and grandkids of war veterans. TING! TING! TING! My lolo joined HUKBALAHAP and is indeed a war veteran.

One of the main reasons why I don't like to have kids is that I fear that I may pass on bad genes to my theoretical child. But, it does not stop there. I would not risk the chances of having that child take care of an almost lifeless mother who's supposed to take care of her kids until they are able to stand on their own and land on their feet. These reasons may be crazy and yes, I'm overthinking yet again, but, the stress levels, the cortisol and the trauma I've gotten from this life-altering chapter with mom is not something I'd want my theoretical kids to inherit. While some may argue that all people carry a bad gene whether it be recessive or dominant, the pain that goes with being a caregiver is something that's rarely one's cup of tea. I do not regret taking care of mom for eight long year even when I know so well that she's but a dead end and a case study. BUT, I have the choice to stop the shit, the drama, the chances of having to see my children go through it. I know they may power through, but I categorize this probability as very unfair.

More importantly, I really believe that childbirth may be anti-feminist. A number of close mom friends shared that there is shame in having the mom bod. You see, I'm already a plus sized girl and that alone is still an issue to a good number of narrow-minded people in this third world country. LOL. Kidding aside, childbirth is no joke. I really cringe when I imagine pushing out a baby out of my body instead of seeing it as a miracle. Again, I have full respect to moms especially those who are brought to motherhood to fulfill the so-called circle of life. It's not easy. It's not a walk in the park. It's a life-long choice, a gift and a curse. As Lualhati Bautista puts it in her book Dekada '70, mahirap maging ina kasi malimit, kahit ibigay mo na lahat, kulang pa rin.

Hence, I joke around that I don't like kids; but I've taken care of kids at a young age. I looked after mom who was pretty much a toddler trapped in a 50-ish body. I can actually provide decent care, but, I'm done. I'm over that. LOL. I'm at the point of my life where my body, my rules is at the core. I'm making up for the lost years and the running after dreams that I placed in the back burner. Those dreams were almost non-existent as I felt that I've burnt them to the ground.

Most importantly, call me crazy but as I was listening to this podcast, I can't help but see how my devoted mom's immune system worked against her because she went all out as a mother, a wife, a daughter and a friend. She did not stop. She abused her headspace and her physical body. Her stress tolerance and bullshit tolerance were off the roof. During her lifetime, she always reminded and forced me not to follow her path. HAHAHAHAHA. While she won't trade her life as a stay-at-home mom because of me and my brother, she made sure that I don't make the same mistake of giving too much of myself to the point that the ashes of the phoenix she raised won't be able to rise again.

I know these arguments are wobbly, clunky and too creative (LOL), but yes, let this be out in the open. I'm praying to the universe that I don't get to battle an auto-immune disease. Mom, paki na lang please. Hahaha. My overactive imagination is doing parkour the past weeks to be honest. If I die, I'd want it quick. I want it to be out of any hospital or no help of any form of medication. I want to die a natural death. Ganun lang. Simple lang. Fuck the system. LOL.

But for now, let's waste time wisely and beautifully because it's weekend, shall we? Still super thankful that even when the days and nights at work are longer than usual, weekends are sacred. PS: Our WiFi has been gone for almost a week so this is a late post. :D

[eliasbookshelf]

Elias' Bookshelf Thoughts No. 13: The Bromance Book Club #1 & #2

The title caught my attention first, because it's just so damn catchy. And truth be told, when people talk about book readers, they rarely refer to men. Like, men don't read books or something. Like men who read books are such an abnormality, we're like unicorns. So yes, the title caught my eye because its reference to both men and books.

Flipped the book over, and the synopsis got me immediately. It was an easy decision to pick up the first book. No regrets; I loved it so much I got the second and third book. Didn't pick up the fourth one yet (and apparently there's a Christmas novella I can't find) so that would be a future buy.

** SPOILERS AHEAD **

So, the premise of the first book is simple. Gavin, a famous football player (and super hot, my imagination ran wild) is having a problem with his marriage to Thea. His friends, fellow (hot) football players came to help. Simple, but then it got interesting. The other guys gave him advise based on a romance novel the group is currently reading. (just imagine, super hot straight football guys, reading romance novels, ones which they could have been on the cover, which they consider life guides to understand women better. I guess in a fictional world, that's plausible. I personally never thought of those books that way, but now I'm super curious about them. I may just pick up one some time eheh). He didn't buy that at first, but eventually their marriage troubles were resolved. Thea (i think) gave them the nickname the Bromance Book Club.

That element, the bros reading romance, is definitely a novelty I really liked in this series. It's fresh and unique, I think, since I haven't come across a similar concept in the books I've read (either that or I haven't read that many books yet). I was instantly bought over by the concept, and throughout the book, Gavin too reads the book-within-the-book to get ideas on how to fix his marriage. Along the way, hilarity ensues with their attempt to hide the fact that the guys are reading such novels (or reading in general, I wasn't sure, but it definitely feeds to the stereotype that hot athletic men don't read. Although I don't know any hot athletic men to ask them if they read at all. I don't have many guy friends IRL *sad*) The story is a fun ride, and the few sex scenes are quite hot. Also, thanks to Thea for the really good description of Gavin's sexy body, we love that.

The novelty (heh) of the guys reading got me super interested in the rest of the books in the series, so I picked up book numbers 2 and 3. The second book is Undercover Bromance, and third is Crazy Stupid Bromance.

I've recently finished reading book 2, Undercover Bromance, so let's continue talking about that.

While book 1 focuses on the book club newbie, Gavin, this second book (and it seems the third book as well) shifts the focus on Braden Mack, the only single guy in the book club. A hotshot bar/restaurant owner who always knows how to charm the girls (also the way he's written, he sounds really hot, damn). The story's main plot shifts from the guys to a side character from book 1, Thea's sister Liv. She works at a restaurant, then got fired after uncovering a dirty little secret of the restaurant's owner, then goes on a mission to expose her former boss. Her mission eventually leads her to Mack. There's drama along the way, with Liv's efforts to fall into the trap of Braden Mack's charm.

This book also features the same running gag of the Russian guy, named Vlad (very ... stereotypical?? I don't personally know any Russian so I don't know if it's a super common name) having gastrointestinal problems, with a hilariously-written fart scene (not unexpected, but still hilarious).

The thing about book 2 is that it lacks that unique novelty that's heavily featured in book 1. There's little to no reference to the book, even with the first scene in the book featuring the guys going to a bookstore and Mack picking out a book titled The Protector (foreshadowing his relationship with Liv). The story then prods casually but steadily and switched between Liv and Mack's plotting, Liv's life struggles, Mack's internal conflicts, and both of them resisting each others' charms and not acknowledging the sexual energy forming between them (one they eventually but not surprisingly succumbed to, although I don't blame her. I feel his sexual energy radiating from the pages; either that or I have a very good imagination I never knew I had. Also, they kiss a lot of times though). There was some mention of the book Mack's reading, but we don't get the excerpt-style info like we did with Gavin and his reading of Courting the Countess. It's not a bad thing, but I was expecting something similar. It doesn't devalue the story, though, but that's probably because I was invested with the series and the guys already.

The plot moves along the similar lines as the first one but thematically different, so it's nothing unexpected or particularly surprising. A good read, nonetheless.

Stars: 3.5 Recommended: Yes, but you have to read the first one before going into this or some things don't make much sense without context from book 1.

[edorazzi]

Well THIS has been a long time coming. Today we’re reviewing Part 2 of the Miraculous Season 4 finale; aka “Strike Back”, aka more of the Felix arc. Sorry for the delay guys, I was just living in fear!  ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Previous episode reviews: “Felix” | “Gabriel Agreste” | “Risk”

Like previous reviews this is gonna get pretty long, so I’ll throw the rest under a cut and let’s get started once again! ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

-

So here we are again. Literally everything delayed me from getting to this episode: catching Covid, Internet issues, IRL obligations, a general sense of doom. The universe was trying VERY hard to stop me so I think whatever I experience past this point is my own fault. I’ve signed the waiver.

Here’s where we’re at right now:

Everyone (except Felix?) is affected by the akuma “Risk”, whose power causes people within earshot to make impulsive decisions.

Felix is likely after the family rings again, and has taken over Adrien’s horrible modeling trip to stalk/rob Nathalie. I have yet to see how this affects Adrien negatively but I’m sure life will, uh, find a way.

No idea if Uncle Gabe is aware of this. He did set a trap for Felix in the office safe but that was a while ago; and he’s currently trashing Paris with a sentimonster believing Adrien is safe with Nathalie (he’s not lol) so I’m leaning towards him being genuinely ignorant.

There’s a VERY high possibility Ladybug is about to give a Miraculous to the wrong cousin.

So I’m very nervous. Lessgo.

-

- No recap! I don’t think the last double feature had them either; I remember leaving a while between “Truth” and “Lies” at the beginning of the season and being very confused over stuff I forgot. Guess you either sink or swim when Miraculous decides to do some serious storytelling.

- So we start where we abruptly left off: with Adrien entering the Forbidden Office in search of his dad, finding Felix’s Phantom Thief monocle (what IS that thing...) and getting distracted by today’s sentimonster stomping through the city. He dashes up to his room, transforming into Chat Noir as he goes and leaping gracefully out the window without pause! Or paws. Haha. I’m in danger.

- Next we rehash the scene of Marinette talking with Tikki on the station roof, and getting the bright idea to go rescue “Adrien” (who is Felix in disguise) as Pegabug. She retrieves the horse glasses from her yoyo pocket dimension and is about to unify the two Miraculous when her attention is also caught by Strike Back. SHE JUST STARES, THEN TAKES THE GLASSES OFF AND PUTS THEM AWAY AGAIN. The timing was very funny. Brawl now, true love later! >:0

- Cut to the interior of the Startrain, and now THIS I’m interested in. Nathalie is seated next to “Adrien”, who is actually Felix, and he’s glaring out the window either in boredom or cooking up a cunning plan. Definitely waiting for Nathalie to let her guard down so he can rob her. First old men and now disabled women; where will it end, Felix??

- Nathalie gently puts her hand over “Adrien’s” in a way I’m sure she thinks is reassuring, showing off the family ring in full view. Isn’t actually touching this poor attention-starved kid way above her paygrade? She wouldn’t even give him a hug in “Felix” when she walked in on him crying in his room. Maybe her appreciation for Adrien has grown considering he brought her snacks while she was bedridden. Gabriel just came in and ate them while venting to her, but still.

Also, if this was Adrien, Nathalie flashing this ring so much (between the previous scene in the study and now) would be super rude, right? I know Adrien supports whatever his father has with her and it’s Gabriel who kicks off every time it’s brought up; but showing off his mom’s wedding ring like this with no explanation is another level.

And ALSO, again, where is this particular ring meant to have come from? The cover story in “Gabriel Agreste” is that Ol’ Gabe graciously bestowed his own ring unto his dear nephew (after Felix robbed, tricked and nearly outed him as Shadow Moth), and the other is still officially ‘missing’ because it disappeared with Emilie, who is definitely not in a fridge in the basement. Are they both banking on Adrien not recognising it, and it’s just terrible luck that this is Felix?

- ANYWAY. Felix reacts like he’s been burned, and I’m sure it’s because the ring he’s desperate for is right there on Nathalie’s hand, but I’m in tears thinking he’s just fucking OUTRAGED at being touched without permission. Like the first episode where he went to shake Adrien’s hand and got full-on hugged instead. He came here to rob people and he is feeling SO violated right now?? >:/

- Nathalie encourages “Adrien” to “try to make the most out of this trip”, and highlights how he’ll get to see the world and then come back to his friends with lots to share. Not that I believe this is going ahead, but I hope that means she’s at least planning to give him a decent amount of freedom; like in the Shanghai Special where Gabriel actually let Adrien go out and explore the city (with a bodyguard). Maybe she really does care! Just a little bit. :’)

- Felix says something ominous about “seizing the opportunity when it presents itself”, so I guess he’s recovered from being so RUDELY manhandled - literally the worst thing that’s happened to him today! Move over, Aunt Emilie’s frozen corpse! - and is back to plotting atrocities.

- Lila interrupts to claim she and Adrien will become “the best friends in the world” on this trip! Now, Felix has been mostly separate from Adrien’s social circle with the exception of Kagami and Chloe (and that time the Girl Squad tried to kill him), so he doesn’t know Lila’s reputation as a liar or how much grief she’s put his cousin through; but maybe it takes a sneaky manipulator to know one? 

- “Adrien” tells Lila he “hopes so with all his heart”. This should be her first clue that something isn’t right. He was ready to tear her to SHREDS during the photoshoot this morning and now he’s Prince Charming! Would the real Adrien be extra polite in front of Nathalie? :/

Also, if this is grounds for suspicion, does Lila know Adrien has a strikingly identical cousin? She hasn’t been around for this arc but she may have heard about him from their classmates. I wonder if Felix is common knowledge to people who haven’t been directly involved with his nonsense, or if he’s some kind of horrible unlockable item once you reach a certain friendship level with Adrien.

- At any rate, “Adrien” excuses himself to the bathroom with his duffel bag. Lila pokes her head over the seats with wide eyes to watch him leave; does she know something’s up? Gotta take those every-15-minutes model showers, I’m sure the Startrain has the facilities for it.

- In the train bathroom, Felix takes the fake Peacock Miraculous out of his bag and affixes it to his chest. What is it about the Agreste family and wielding dark magic in train bathrooms? The twins HAVE to be sentimonsters because I refuse to believe Felix isn’t related to Gabriel in any way, it’s ridiculous. He also retrieves Nathalie’s tablet and deletes her Candy Crush flicks through scans of the Miraculous book to find details on the Peacock and how to activate it. I’m so upset Shadow Moth’s presence confirms this brooch is a fake; this would be so cool! :(

- Felix is perplexed when no kwami appears from the brooch. He tries the magic words - “Duusu, spread my feathers!” - and nothing happens. He crushes the brooch in the palm of his hand and it shatters easily, proving it’s just cheap costume jewelry his uncle planted as a decoy.

- FELIX REALISES HE’S BEEN TRICKED. Score one for Uncle Gabe! Turnabout is fair play after all, and it’s taken him over three episodes to get back at his nephew in any way. During their last conflict Gabriel may have been a fool dressed as a peacock in his secretary’s bedroom, but he’s not a fool dressed as Adrien Agreste in a train bathroom with no Miraculous. That’s Felix.

- Back to Paris and Strike Back is stomping around. He looks like one of those Laputa golems (which I’m sure is intentional). Ladybug and Chat meet up and fall into sync right away, agreeing to wrap this up quick because they’ve both got other pressing business. This pressing business is Felix, lol.

- Shadow Moth leers from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Risk (who I completely forgot about, lmao) cycles through the sentimonster’s path of destruction and influences nearby Parisians to stick around in the danger zone so they can catch sight of the superheroes/get videos for social media. I’m surprised this isn’t a problem they have to deal with more often since the heroes are very popular; this is exactly what Alya was doing in Season 1 and it’s apparently been less than a year since then!

- Ladybug has to actively “shoo!” the civilians away, which is very funny. She also drags Risk out of danger, not realising he’s an akuma; then Risk pushes straight onwards again and nearly gets hit by a car. WHY IS EVERY SINGLE TODDLER IN MIRACULOUS SO TERRIBLE.

- Chat’s Risk mark lights up and he nearly Cataclysms the sentimonster, which as we know is a HUGE no-no because it makes them go haywire. Ladybug trips it with her yoyo wire instead, and Strike Back makes a massive dent in the city with millions in property damage. Chat gets annoyed and says that was literally no better than what he was gonna do! Which isn’t actually correct but I’ll give him this one; he deserves a little snark today. As a treat.

- The heroes go on to argue, appropriately, about how Ladybug never wants to take any risks. I like this exchange; both kids are very animated and I love Chat’s flow of sassy/disgruntled expressions in particular. Chat asks if Ladybug would ‘risk’ knowing who he was behind the mask, and Ladybug gets angry because she does NOT want to have this discussion right now! It’s REALLY dumb at this point. EITHER LET THEM SHARE IDENTITIES OR STOP ENGINEERING MORE REASONS WHY IT WOULD BE FINE TO DO SO, MY GOODNESS.

- This impromptu debate distracts them from Strike Back, who nearly flattens them. Chat grabs Ladybug despite them being super mad at each other right now (which is sweet); and the pair crashland in the streets and roll several feet while STILL arguing. This reminds me a whole lot of Stormy Weather and I wonder if that’s on purpose. Look how far we’ve come.

Geez, remember when this show wasn’t exactly what we’d expected but it also wasn’t a mess? Those golden days of staying up late and watching low-res Korean TV streams waiting for a new episode with no subtitles, instead of putting new content off for weeks because it’s too exhausting to see what they’ll do next. Edorazzi remembers. :’)

- Chat asks “Why do you know the identities of the other Miraculous holders? Why not me?” And Ladybug yet again tells him she’s protecting his identity in case Shadow Moth akumatizes her. Clearly the scriptwriters know what they meant, but I took that as Chat questioning why Ladybug shut him out of knowing ANY of the other superheroes so he couldn’t even help with stuff like Miraculous distribution. Wasn’t that where this started? Why are we back here??

- Chat says either he, she or both of them (I can’t figure out exactly what he says :/) will NEVER get akumatized. Ladybug has a flashback to Chat Blanc.

ARE WE REALLY BRINGING THIS UP. Like I’m sorry, but if we’re dragging that mess of an episode back into relevancy then Bunnyx should show up to slap Ladybug on the wrist whenever she’s about to do something which dooms the universe (because Marinette is somehow capable of breaking her own timeline without any outside influence); therefore if Bunnyx isn’t here right now then it’s fine and she has no reason to be defensive. Which is ridiculous but that’s the canon logic we’re living with. Welcome to the clown tent.

- “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” / “Maybe because you never talk to me about ANYTHING!” HE’S RIGHT, YOU KNOW. Ladybug doesn’t have to full-on share identities if she isn’t comfortable, but this season has a pattern of Chat getting left out of things and then being blamed for not knowing what’s up. Everything from Sentibubbler to the Scarabella mess and now this! JUST COMMUNICATE, HOLY SHIT. WHERE IS FELIX.

- IT’S ESCALATING. Through her earpiece Rena Furtive prompts Ladybug to dodge an attack. Ladybug’s Risk mark lights up and she thanks Rena loudly for Chat to hear. For a second she ACTUALLY tries to pretend she doesn’t know what Chat’s talking about, but ultimately confesses that Rena (who supposedly gave up her Miraculous way back in Sentibubbler) is on watch except she can’t tell him where.  I guess this is a sign she does want to share this stuff with Chat and just doesn’t have the courage; but it comes across as a slap in the face and more like she forgot he was there. Chat is getting FURIOUS and I’m not happy either, the disrespect!!! >:0

- Ladybug spots Risk heading back into the danger zone once again and swings off to save him. Chat spots Mayor Bourgeois breaking out his film camera to record the sentimonster and does the same (and it’s nice to see more followup on André’s passions!). The kids realise they can’t fight the sentimonster if they’re constantly saving civilians, so Ladybug goes for “reinforcements”. Which Chat isn’t allowed to know about, of course.

- Is she going for Felix, believing he’s Adrien and that this will be the perfect excuse to keep him in Paris. MAYBE.

- Ladybug dishes out a bunch of Miraculous to the usual suspects (Nino, Kagami, Juleka, Zoe and Mylene), including Marc and Ivan this time! That’s nice. Where is Luka though? I get the feeling the writers banned him from the rest of the season because all the drama comes from Chat and Ladybug arguing/ miscommunicating, and we’ve seen from Wishmaker that Luka knows exactly how to deal with that nonsense. Can’t change his nature so just lock him in the houseboat until Season 5. :/

- Apparently Roi Singe is here too. Why wasn’t he in the lineup? The heroes launch several attacks on Strike Back and nothing works, the sentimonster just duplicates and copies their powers into its clones. Is this an allegory for Ol’ Gabe FINALLY figuring out how to dupe Felix, by absorbing his trickery and turning it back on him? :V

- Strike Back rips up the Ferris wheel to throw at them, and Ryuko unknowingly deflects it towards the top of the TV studio where Rena is hiding. Carapace SCREAMS her name and throws Shellter over the building so she won’t get hit.

- EVERYONE INCLUDING SHADOW MOTH IS NOW AWARE RENA IS STILL AN ACTIVE MIRACULOUS HOLDER. Which could have been avoided if Nino just didn’t YELL OUT HER WHOLEASS NAME, right? It’s reasonable to protect one of the tallest buildings in Paris; might not have been the wisest use of his power but nobody would question it! It’s not even implied he shouted because of Risk, this particular dumbassery is all his own.

How on Earth did Nino know, though? Did Alya bring him back into the loop? I seriously don’t remember that happening, but hell if I can recall half of what goes on in this show any more. Not to be Old Woman Yells At Cloud but I used to have such a good grip on what was happening in Miraculous and now I’m barely clinging on. :’V

Also, for once Carapace is the one everybody’s going >:0 at, which is a nice change from him picking on Chat Noir so much this season. Ah ha ha.

- OKAY. Alya confesses she told Nino about Rena Furtive because she just “couldn’t keep it from him”, so this is something that happened behind the scenes. LADYBUG SOUNDS SUPER MAD AT HER. This is so funny. I don’t hate any of these characters but they’ve been deeply frustrating for the latter half of the season and watching this all turn around is cathartic. :D

- Rena FINALLY notices everyone’s frog-shaped marks. There’s also a moment where Ladybug is about to wring Risk’s neck but Chat intervenes because he’s “good with kids” and Risk clings to him immediately. It’s pretty cute.

- CHAT GETS THROWN FROM OFFSCREEN INTO A BUILDING. GUESS BABYSITTING DIDN’T GO WELL. The heroes finally realise Risk is an akuma, and Shadow Moth is pleased because now Ladybug will second-guess everything she does. It’s a neat little two-layered plan; first she’s blissfully reckless and then she’s paranoid! Ladybug immediately orders Chat to go detransform because she won’t trust him with his Cataclysm, which I’m sure will do wonders for this argument they’re already having. :/

- Chat is left on the rooftop as everyone else leaves, and the fragile little way he mumbles “But I can help...” has me in TEARS. His Risk mark flares up a moment later and he leaps off towards one of the Strike Back clones, presumably to do something reckless that Ladybug will get mad about.

- Meanwhile, the girls try to de-akumatize Risk but can’t find his akumatized object because he hid it. Which is REALLY sneaky and honestly something Shadow Moth should instruct every akumatized person to do. Forget all these “megakumas” or whatever else Ol’ Gabe’s working on, just hide the key items and they’ll be borderline unstoppable!

- Chat gets pinned by a vehicle and tries to Cataclysm it to get free, only to have his attack stolen by Strike Back. That’s disappointing; I really expected him to prove Ladybug’s fears wrong by being sensible regardless of risk-taking but I guess we’re not doing that today. :/

- Ladybug gets mad and Lucky Charms up a day-old zoo ticket. Not sure what her plan is, but she decides she needs someone who hasn’t been hit by Risk - and of course her mind goes to Adrien-who-is-actually-Felix who she vividly recalls having no mark on his neck as she watched him board the train. UH OH. I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, I JUST DIDN’T KNOW HOW.

- Ladybug goes on a confusing tangent about whether or not her ideas are too risky, just as Shadow Moth anticipated. She plucks the Horse and the Rabbit Miraculous out of her yoyo dimension - never mind how she has the stopwatch after Season 1 established it belonged to Alix as a family heirloom. I don’t know WHAT is going on with the Bunnyx subplot any more, IT’S ALL STUPID - and merges them with the Ladybug Miraculous to come out looking like a video game avatar when you equip all your high stat items at once; then jumps through a portal to (I presume) give Felix his fifth heart attack of the day.

- Pegabunnybug and “Adrien” come out of adjacent bathrooms at the same time and spook each other. It’s like when the business convention has to share a venue with the sci-fi anime con! Felix instantly goes into recovery mode, as is his #1 talent, and (after subtly throwing his bag of stolen goods into the bathroom stall and closing the door) puts on his best wide-eyed Adrien impression.

- Instantly getting into his personal space, Ladybug checks “Adrien’s” neck and confirms he’s unmarked by Risk. If Felix is trying to save his cousin from being a doormat this is a sign to redouble his efforts; he dresses up as Adrien for 20 minutes and everyone keeps touching him! >:0

- She produces a Miraculous from her yoyo (lord help me I can’t recognise any of them any more :/) and Felix is very interested in this little pocket dimension. Now I was already assuming he’d steal whichever item this is but IS HE PLANNING TO SWIPE THE WHOLE DAMN YOYO? SWEETIE. IF THIS IS WHERE IT’S GOING NO WONDER PEOPLE ARE MAD AT HIM.

- Oh, the Dog Miraculous! SO IT’S GONNA BE LIKE THAT WHEN FELIX IS TRADITIONALLY A CAT HOLDER, IS IT.  Not that I’m NOT Pro-Felix, and I guess they’ve recast the snake, the bee and technically the mouse when their holders didn’t suit, but this feels kinda mean to Sabrina when she’s done nothing to deserve losing it. I already know giving the power of item retrieval to a thief is a terrible idea, but I wonder who’s most at risk here; Nathalie, Gabriel or Ladybug?

- I wonder about “Adrien” doubting himself for a second here. Is that part of Felix’s impression of his pathetic cousin or a genuine reaction? I don’t see the point in hesitating if Ladybug is freely offering what he wants but maybe he’s just covering his ass; can’t look too eager. 

I’ve talked about this before but this is what I mean with Felix, you know? When it comes to scenes like this nearly every Miraculous character can be sorted into two categories: “genuine” or “ingenuine but it’s very obvious”; but despite Felix’s theatrical villainy he has no clear goal or motivation like everyone else. I know this is a kiddie show for babies but I think the shift in parameters is why I’m consistently baffled and changing my interpretation of what’s happening.

That said, I’m sure he’s being fake as hell right now; just something to bring up. Let’s continue.

- HIS REACTION IS SO CUTE WHEN BARKK APPEARS. This is what Felix was expecting when he put on the fake Peacock Miraculous and he’s clearly amazed to see it for real! Now I think about it, wasn’t Barkk a little set apart from the other kwami in a couple of previous episodes; being a bit more vigilant and purpose-driven? Maybe she(?) and Felix will get along? :0

- OH MY GOD, THE TRANSFORMATION!!! THEY GAVE FELIX HIS THIGH HIGHS. GOD FUCKING BLESS. It’s a little disappointing he’s pretending to be Adrien right now, so we still don’t know what a costume tailored to Felix himself would look like (less gaudy than this, I imagine), but this is a lot more flattering than whatever Sabrina had going on and has several beats of Felix’s classic Chat Noir suit. The boots! The ball “bell”! The sharp shoulders, sleek arms and big ears!!! （ｉДｉ）

Throwing in a comparison. Those boots are spot on, pun fully intended.

Yet again I should switch this episode off here, I really should. Every single Felix Episode has a point where it can only go downhill and this is where I should stop; where he has yet to do anything horrific and also got a cute transformation. Alas, I press play. :(

- Yep, he immediately touches Ladybug’s yoyo under the pretence of learning how his powers work. Fortunately it’s ineffective since he needs to use the ball and not his bare hand, but he’s gunning for it. FELIX NOOOO.

- Ladybug’s plan is to go back into the past, I guess to find where Risk hid his akumatized object. That must be what the zoo ticket is for, I just figured it out. This is what happens when I don’t get a recap in a two-parter. She takes “Adrien” into Bunnyx’s rabbit hole dimension, and I can SEE him having an absolute meltdown trying to process all this but he’s holding it together like a champ. 

I should start keeping a scoreboard of Felix’s heart attacks because this makes at least six in one day. Dropping into the Butterfly Lair, discovering Emilie’s corpse, Gabriel nearly catching him in the study, Nathalie touching his hand (>:0!!!), Pegabunnybug ambushing him on the train and now the rabbit hole dimension scrambling his brain. Good thing he’s probably a sentimonster because this would kill a normal person.

- They get spat out into the zoo scene from the previous episode, where Risk has just been akumatized. “Adrien” is here to simply throw the ball and hit the akumatized object; I guess so they can locate it in the future and not disrupt the timeline by grabbing it now. 

I’d question why Ladybug couldn’t just quadruple up on Miraculous and do this herself, but they have thrown in the crippling doubt over her own actions (and I’m sure the excuse to get Adrien in on things is appealing to her) so fair enough. Turns out I was right about Felix being the key because he’s a sociopathic little bastard who can operate normally under these circumstances. :V

- Wow, Felix actually does as instructed! I thought he would tag Ladybug’s yoyo and run, but he just dutifully hits the frog toy and they both jump back into the portal. I assume he can’t pick more than one target without refueling his kwami, right?

- They return to the present and PARIS IS IN FLAMES, SOMEHOW. Is this shot a reference to the PV with Felix and Bri on the rooftop under the burning sky? It’s much less cinematic and Felix is dressed like a dog, but it definitely feels like a homage considering the characters we’re dealing with. That’s fun.

- The Miraculous Holders are dying, and Chat Noir is either the last one standing OR he’s gone off the rails and caused this whole mess. Ladybug instructs “Adrien” (who is still unnamed as a hero, I think?) to use his power and they locate the akumatized object with ease. This solves the Risk problem but now they have to deal with the duplicating sentimonster!

- Chat eavesdrops on Ladybug absolutely WORSHIPING the new guy. My first reaction was “wow she really is obsessed with Adrien”, but this is also after Adrien failed spectaclarly as Aspik (and Viperion became the new Snake Miraculous Holder), which I don’t think gets brought up often enough and puts a new angle on Ladybug congratulating him for doing everything right on his “first try”. :’0

- LADYBUG BLURTS OUT ADRIEN’S NAME. GIRL WHAT THE HECK, THE RISK MARKS ARE GONE. IS SHE JUST DUMB.

- Felix picks some absolutely horrific name for himself that I don’t know how to spell (but have since discovered it’s “Flairmidable”). I guess it doesn’t matter since he’ll probably never be a Miraculous Holder again. Maybe he eschewed some more on-the-nose dog puns like “Retriever” or “Courage” or Scrappy, lmao just to make Adrien look ridiculous? I can dream.  Either way this should be a massive clue he ISN’T Adrien, who settled on the very creative “Black Cat” and had to stay up all night with Plagg’s help to come up with “Catwalker”, but nobody’s close enough to him to connect those dots. Adrien’s arguably better at costume design though; the cousins should pool their talents sometime.

- Chat seems to have missed Ladybug’s slip of the tongue, so he’s just very upset to see her bonding so hard with this new guy. It’s like a glimpse into an alternate universe where Adrien and Chat really ARE different people. Don’t worry honey, Flairmidable isn’t interested in girls like that; he just wants to rob her! >:V

- Ladybug returns Froggy’s plush toy to him, protective charm attached. Also, Rena Furtive is now out in the open with everyone? I know her existence got re-confirmed but unless Ladybug’s about to take her Miraculous away this seems like a horrible idea. Shadow Moth knows who she is! At least preserve the illusion of being a different person!!! 

- Everyone goes to recharge, which I’m sure will give Felix another shot at stealing that yoyo. Chat is left alone and despondent. :(

- Shadow Moth is disappointed by Risk’s defeat, but is certain Ladybug must have made a mistake and “can’t wait to see what it is”. THAT WOULD BE FELIX, A TERRIBLE HORRIBLE MISTAKE UNCLE GABE IS PERSONALLY FAMILIAR WITH. :)

- Revisiting the sewers, Ladybug and Flairmidable detransform either side of the split tunnels like Marinette and Adrien have done before.  Mari resolves to return “Adrien” to the Startrain and feels wrong for interfering (as if the real Adrien didn’t have a whole outburst just this morning about how much he hated this?), but “Adrien” claims he wants to stay here and fight by her side instead, leering at Barkk in a comically menacing way. GUESS THE NONSENSE IS STARTING. I UNCLIPPED MY SEATBELT FOR A SECOND THERE BUT TIME TO STRAP BACK IN. :/

- “You’ve given me the courage I needed, Ladybug. I feel like from now on, NOTHING can stop me.” OKAY EDGELORD, TONE IT DOWN. 

I really want to know what Felix’s goals are here. He hasn’t shown interest in destroying the superheroes like Shadow Moth or obtaining power/control like Lila and Chloe - it’s mainly been about getting the family rings plus a side order of ruining Gabriel’s day (and Adrien’s if he gets caught in the crossfire, sorry buddy) and his interest in the Miraculous seems like a relatively new thing. He was also horrified by finding Emilie which tells me he’s not completely sociopathic. Clearly he’s about to do something horrible but I have trouble believing he’s just a villain with no good motive, you know?

- Back topside, the remaining Miraculous Holders (plus Rena, sans Chat) are on the exact same rooftop they nearly died on earlier. Very smart. Ladybug shows up with Flairmidable and officially introduces him as “the new holder of the Dog Miraculous!” SO I GUESS IT’S OVER FOR SABRINA. OOF. Chat Noir pops up over the railing right as she says this (while gazing at Flairmidable with adoration) which is VERY funny. Like oh no you DON’T. >:0

- Ladybug smooshes the pair of them together, clearly happy to have her two favourite guys side by side (Viperion wasn’t even invited today, second oof) and delighted with the cat/dog dynamic. Once again she’s ignoring Chat’s very obvious discomfort as if this setup is perfect! She laughs hysterically as the other Miraculous Holders look on with concern.

- Chat absolutely HATES this guy. Flairmidable gives a polite little “Nice working with you, Chat Noir :)” but it’s tinged with the same venom as Felix’s intro scene where he called Adrien his “favourite cousin”. I’m convinced this kid just can’t say ANYTHING nice without sounding evil, exactly like his uncle. :’)

- I’m wondering if this will be the consequence of all the times Chat had to put up with Rena. He didn’t trust her at ALL but had to just shut up and do what he was told as the girls worked everything out behind his back. Now Flairmidable is giving off positively evil vibes, but is Chat going to push it or assume Ladybug knows what she’s doing and he doesn’t have the right to say anything?

- Ladybug tells the boys to “shake paws” like they’re actual pets. Hold on to your ring, Chat, we all know what happened LAST time Felix shook hands with anyone. Chat reaches out very reluctantly but Flairmidable firmly grasps his hand and shakes it, putting in the extra distance like he’s REALLY determined to be friendly. Ladybug is trilling in excitement and completely ignoring Chat very obviously wanting to die right now. I feel kinda bad for them both, honestly. Also, is Felix lefthanded? :0

- Ladybug assures the boys they’re going to be spending a LOOOOT of time together now Flairmidable is on the team. FOREVER.  Wasn’t this the exact problem they faced in Kuro Neko; when Adrien put on his princely public persona as Catwalker and Ladybug couldn’t function around him because he was too hot? Does her determination to have Adrien on the team overpower her decision not to work with anyone she’s attracted to? I’m sure this won’t matter because Felix will have robbed her by the end of the day and never be allowed a Miraculous again, but still.

- Ladybug Lucky Charms up a pair of sunglasses which Marc duplicates. While she’s explaining whatever the hell this plan is, Flairmidable subtly touches his ball to her yoyo. I KNEW he was up to shit.  There’s various shots of everyone wearing their shades, and Flairmidable carefully handling his pair while Chat has just slapped them on and continued to glare is very funny.

- Flairmidable gets some kinda look on his face when he asks what Ladybug is planning to do with the sentimonsters, like he’s nervous. Hmm.

- Everyone leaps away but Flairmidable hangs back from the crowd. He looks like Dave Strider in these glasses and that wasn’t a comparison I was prepared to make today.

- Pegabug OPENS A GIANT PORTAL WHICH DROPS THE SENTIMONSTERS INTO THE FUCKING SUN. OKAY??? I GUESS THAT’S WHY EVERYONE NEEDED THE SHADES BUT JESUS....

- Flairmidable takes off his shades with a look of sadness, drops them at his feet where they shatter, then turns away with a sorrow-filled whisper of “I’m sorry”.

And I’m going to interrupt myself here with a post-liveblog sidebar because I WAS DUMB AS ROCKS ON MY FIRST WATCH. I initially interpreted this as Felix enjoying himself around the superheroes (especially after Chat accused him of having no friends; maybe this is his first experience being accepted by a group of peers) and being reluctant to betray them for whatever his bigger goal is, but now I absolutely believe he was talking to the sentimonsters, not the heroes.  He was fine dispatching Risk (an akuma) but instantly nervous about what Ladybug planned to do with the Strike Back clones, and ultimately had to watch them die at the hands of the Miraculous Heroes - in a sequence framed a lot more dramatically than other episodes - while being unable to step in. Jesus FUCK. “Felix is a sentimonster” isn’t even a question at this point, is it.

ANYWAY. 

- At the top of the Eiffel Tower, Shadow Moth is so enraged he jumps over the edge. I’m sure he’s bounding away to do more evil but THAT’S SO FUNNY; HE’S LIKE A TODDLER.

- Rena and Ladybug land in an alley just like before, perfectly synchronised. Are they still gonna have a serious discussion or is Ladybug riding high on inducting “Adrien” into the gang and ready to forgive everything? 

- Marinette is willing to let things go, saying she understands the need to share everything with her best friend (Chat Noir is CRYING on a rooftop somewhere), but it’s actually Alya who renounces her Miraculous because she knows it’s too risky to continue as Rena now Shadow Moth knows? WHOA. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. I’ve been liking Alya more and more this season; I found her pretty irritating and reckless earlier in the show (when all her plotlines were about hindering Ladybug, having a boyfriend and/or not respecting Marinette’s boundaries with Adrien) but she’s really pulling through. Miraculous or not I hope she stays as Mari’s confidante. 

- Ladybug goes back to the sewers to find Adrien, who ISN’T THERE. QUELLE SURPRISE.

- Cut to Gabriel returning home (in a very dignified way, after leaping off the Eiffel Tower in a blind rage) while on a call to Nathalie, complaining about this plan failing and demanding she cancel everything and bring Adrien home. THE WHIPLASH ADRIEN WOULD BE GETTING IF HE WERE ACTUALLY THERE. He strides into his study, still on the phone, and cue the funniest moment so far of this Gabriel/Felix feud.

- FLAIRMIDABLE IS JUST LOUNGING THERE, FULL COSTUME, FEET UP ON SHADOW MOTH’S DESK AND PLAYING WITH THE BALL. Strikingly similar to the way he greeted Adrien in the previous episode, and again lefthanded. 

He does shift to spinning it with his right hand later, and I think he was messing with Adrien’s basketball righthanded too; so Felix must be ambidextrous. It would certainly fit his character considering he takes whichever side is most beneficial to him.

- GABRIEL DROPS HIS PHONE, AND AFTER TWO FULL EPISODES FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGES FELIX’S PRESENCE IN HIS HOME. Albeit this time with genuine surprise instead of murderous rage. Felix clarifies that he was the mistake Ladybug made, which is what we’ve all been saying.

I did have an extra note here to the effect of “I haven’t forgotten the remorseful way he abandoned the heroes tho”, but that’s out the window now I’ve realised Felix was upset about the sentimonsters. In his mind the Miraculous Holders probably deserve whatever they get!

- Also, Nathalie starts dying on the Startrain. Lila notices and looks pleased about it. Moving on.

- Cut to who I assume is the real Adrien exiting his ensuite bathroom, back in his normal clothes, and Ladybug leaping in through his open window. TO CHEW HIM OUT FOR STEALING THE MIRACULOUS FELIX TOOK, I’M SURE.

- Okay, at least Ladybug’s giving him the benefit of the doubt at first; assuming she forgot to tell Adrien where they should meet after the battle. You could say something about her trusting Adrien is in the right while Chat Noir is currently always in the wrong at ALL times, but I’m just glad Adrien’s reputation isn’t actually suffering because of Felix’s mischief. I’m Team Felix here but Adrien deserves a break.

- Ladybug mentions the train and Adrien realises what happened, ominously growling “FELIX”, and Ladybug’s horror movie reaction is amazing. Chill out guys, you don’t even know what he’s done yet! Adrien was still trying to figure out how Felix screwed him over by commandeering this modeling trip, you always expect the worst. Yes he’s actively committing an atrocity as we speak, but you shouldn’t just assume! >:0

- Back to the office and this is INCREDIBLE. I love these shots of Felix just making himself at home in other people’s stuff; he looks SO fucking full of himself. I also notice he’s got paw pads on his boots, which is another point on the “honouring Felix’s old costume” scoreboard:

The classic beans.

- So Felix wants the Peacock Miraculous now. He threatens to tell Adrien about the secret waifu dungeon beneath the mansion BUT offers Gabriel a trade: the Peacock for all the other Miraculous, and he’ll return the family ring he stole. I can’t believe we thought Lila was going to be the new villain striking deals with Shadow Moth, Felix is outrageous!

And I’m interrupting myself again, but lots of my commentary on this scene was “why does Felix want the Peacock? What’s up with him? Why is he giving up on the rings and why doesn’t he “need” the one he took any more?”; blah blah blah. He’s a sentimonster and the Peacock Miraculous is like handing a dog its own leash. Endless freedom baybee.

I think he was after Emilie’s ring - the one Nathalie currently has - because it contains Adrien’s amok (while Felix’s is likely in the ring he’s been wearing this whole time, which I believe belonged to his dad?), so he’s comfy returning Gabriel’s ring in this bargain because its only value is sentimental. I’m playing 5D chess in my brain with all this but I honestly think that’s what’s happening.

- “If I’d wanted to harm you, Uncle, I would have done it a long time ago.” KINDA FUCKED UP, BUT I GUESS THAT’S ON PAR WITH “I need only snap my fingers to make you disappear from here”. Affectionate death threats must run in the Agreste/Vanily families and Adrien gets excluded because he’s sensitive. Felix really tries being nice to him with the “my favourite cousin” stuff but it still comes out sounding evil. :/

- HOLY SHIT, GABRIEL ACTUALLY DOES IT. He renounces Duusu and swaps the Peacock brooch for the family ring!!! Both he and Felix hesitate warily before grabbing the items from each other; they really do NOT trust one another (despite being family; or probably because they’re family) and I love that.

- Felix makes good on his promise and “fetches” Ladybug’s compact. Gabriel grabs it from him in glee, cackling that Ladybug has FINALLY lost. GUESS FELIX IS HIS FAVOURITE NOW. Sucks to be the Miraculous Holders but I always said some kind of bargaining system would make things way easier than just threatening each other all the time!

- Upstairs, Ladybug is having a panic attack in Adrien’s room. Wouldn’t the yoyo disappear if she detransforms then reappear on her person? It’s tough to think clearly in a panic though and I do feel for her. I want to give her a hug. :(

- ADRIEN IS A TOTAL BESTIE. 10/10. He takes charge of the situation, instructs Ladybug to think and breathe, and shoves her into the bathroom where she can detransform in privacy. His ring is in full view for this shot - he’s ABSOLUTELY in Chat Noir mode and THIS is why he’s her partner! But poor Mari doesn’t trust anything about herself, her decisions or even that Adrien isn’t Felix right now and tricking her again. Sweetheart...! ; n ;

- Downstairs, Felix renounces the Dog Miraculous to Gabriel as well - who is cackling over his haul - and leaves the study with (I assume) just the Peacock. I’m sure Adrien’s about to rugby tackle him across the foyer and THAT I would love to see.

- Ladybug retransforms (baby girl, sweetie, if only you’d done that instantly...! :’0) and is too late! Gabriel took ALL the Miraculous except hers, Chat Noir’s, and the Peacock. Even the Fox is gone because Alya gave it back to Marinette this afternoon. THIS HAS ALL WORKED OUT HORRIBLY. Is this implying Season 5 will draw back on the huge fleet of heroes but deliver on crazy new outfits for Gabriel? I hope so.

- Adrien gets a burst of courage (this time not from an akuma) and opens the bathroom door to speak to Ladybug; maybe planning to reveal his identity as Chat Noir to give better support than his civilian self can. She’s gone by the time he enters. :(

- Ladybug is outdoors crying in the rain. Hawk Moth (I guess he’s not Shadow Moth any more?) does a ridiculous Eye of Sauron thing in the sky; like his introduction in Origins except even campier with a massive ring of Miraculous symbols.

- During his evil speech we cycle through several of the (ex) Miraculous Holders looking mad about it. Hi Luka, nice to see you at least once before the season ends. They have Chloe here too and even she looks upset; could this be a hint she’s coming back as Queen Bee or at least allying with the heroes?? PLEASE. It’s only been half a season and I am SO tired of Zoe.

- Cut to Felix on the Startrain, and I’m sure Ladybug’s wellbeing comes first but frankly I’m amazed Chat Noir hasn’t camped out at the train station to beat his ass. He’s gotta go home sometime! >:0

We see the Peacock Miraculous has redesigned itself to suit him which is really cool. It reminds me a bit of his classic Black Cat ring.

The pointed edges almost look like cat ears.

Felix also looks, like... really happy to have it. Not ‘evil’ happy, relieved happy; holding it to his chest and closing his eyes with a peaceful smile. This is clearly important to him on a personal level and not just about causing more chaos. And here is my VERY belated realisation that Felix is a sentimonster who just won his own freedom, holy SHIT.

- Back to Ladybug. Chat Noir appears by her side, standing upright and fierce while she’s curled up and small. She FINALLY realises all the nonsense she’s been putting him through this season and can’t understand why he’s still here. 

I’m glad they’re actually addressing this. I’ve enjoyed the angsty dynamic of Chat getting sidelined but it’s frustrating when every confrontation has gone nowhere. Marinette’s had a huge amount on her shoulders this season so I don’t blame her for being stressed and distracted, but she will NOT let Chat help her and has preferred to ignore/placate him in small doses instead of actually sitting down to address the problem. Like it’s wildly inconvenient he doesn’t know what’s going on with her, but she also won’t tell him and then gets mad when he steps on her toes. I don’t think they should reveal identities if Ladybug isn’t ready (and Chat is wrong to keep asking, even if he’s only pressing so hard because he thinks it’ll fix things), but it’s a big leap between that and just, like... keeping Chat in the loop so he isn’t confused. Fortunately that shouldn’t be a problem any more! :D

- ANYWAY. Chat pulls Ladybug to her feet and into a hug, swearing to her they’ll get all the Miraculous back one by one. GUESS THAT’S THE PLOT OF SEASON 5. Also the entirety of Paris is out here cheering for her (despite Hawk Moth blaming her for allowing this mess to happen) which is really sweet. And if the blush on her cheeks is any indication, maybe she’s falling in love with Chat Noir now? :0

Gorgeous final scene. Very atmospheric.

-

SO WOW. HOLY SHIT, WHAT AN EPISODE. 

I was anticipating a Miracle-Queen-esque storyline which would take Felix from an intriguing character to a ridiculous villain with bland motives (and then I’d have to work overtime to insist he’s still likable/interesting), but this was so much more exciting than I expected!!!  Once again Felix gets more done in one episode than the rest of the characters in a whole season, but the way the status quo has been changed up is fascinating. It might not be just Hawk Moth vs the Miraculous Heroes any more - it looks like Felix has created a third side for sentimonsters and he’ll ally with or step on whichever group benefits him most. This is WILD.

So my thoughts on Felix specifically. I think he’s a perfect example of a “chaotic neutral” character. Here’s a DND definition I swiped from Google:

‘A chaotic neutral character is an individualist who follows their own heart and generally shirks rules and traditions. Although chaotic neutral characters promote the ideals of freedom, it is their own freedom that comes first; good and evil come second to their need to be free.’

Doesn’t that sound like him? Like they literally printed this out and stuck it on the wall while designing Felix “God Damn” Vanily.

I imagine a lot of fans hate him because he’s made things harder for the main characters, and I agree, he did! He tricked Adrien, undid three seasons’ worth of progress, delivered all the extra Miraculous directly to Shadow Moth, and Ladybug’s breakdown towards the end of the episode was painful to watch. I absolutely get it. But that doesn’t make Felix a villain. It doesn’t even make him a bad person per se - he’s just not on anyone’s side. He shows up, gets his shit done and leaves. Fair play. 

(That said, I really do think he was planning to help Adrien get out of this international photoshoot and got distracted by the ring. Yes he wanted to break into Gabriel’s safe, but he could have done that at just about any time without engaging his cousin! Felix took the time to push that “freedom is something you make” sentiment and yet again encourage Adrien to stand up for himself. I think he does genuinely care about him his wellbeing at least, not Adrien’s reputation lmao and just has no clue how involved Adrien is with the Miraculous stuff.)

I also don’t know what to expect from him in the future. I’ve seen assumptions he’ll wield the Peacock Miraculous as a new villain, but if he sees sentimonsters as living beings then will he? Shadow Moth and Mayura were fine creating and dismissing as many as they pleased but I don’t think Felix could do that; he’d have to be extremely picky if he even used it at all. Gabriel is the only one who knows Felix has the Peacock right now too; so it’s not like the Miraculous heroes will be kicking down his door looking for it (RIP my hopes for the London Special :’D). They know he’s a traitorous bitch but not what he got out of the deal; at least not yet. 

I also wonder what his relationship will be with Duusu. Maybe part of Duusu’s emotional fragility is because he feels the same way about sentimonsters being alive/enslaved/abused, and if Felix is a sentimonster himself then they might get very attached to each other. And Felix has worked completely solo thus far, bouncing off people but having no actual allies, so giving him someone like Duusu (a magic pet who is a lot of responsibility and can hold a conversation) will be a very interesting exposé of his character.

I’m personally in the camp that he’ll huffily take care of Duusu’s ridiculous needs, loudly complaining that he should just ship the Peacock Miraculous back to his uncle while putting together an expensive Barbie Dreamhouse for him to live in and pre-slicing Duusu’s favourite trashy pizza rolls. Maybe they’ll just make Felix super duper evil in Season 5 but I can dream. :’)

SO. I THINK I’M DONE. JESUS CHRIST I NEED TO LIE DOWN. Thanks for reading if you got this far! Rehydrate, take an Ibuprofen, tell me your thoughts and I’ll see you again for the next round of Felix nonsense! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[jeriafterdark]

Is this the real life, is this just fantasy, CAUGHT IN A LANDSLIIIDE - (April 2, 2022 rant & JunZhe IRL drama)

So ok. SOMETIMES, being in this fandom feels like it's its own real life DRAMA. Like, first we all stanned SHL/WOH, where two adult men find each other after years of toil and trouble, fall in love, fight together against society and its expectations, and go live their merry lil lives.

And then I get pulled into the IRL drama - aka two adult men find each other after years of toil and trouble and go on 'secret' one night dates, and EXCHANGING rings, and DEFYING c-ent expectations by supporting each other even through the highly competitive c-ent branding industry (i.e. sharing the same LIPSTICK and LINK sales for Tom Ford),+

and living and LOVING and SINGING their love to each other LIVE ON STAGE with their whole on-screen family and OFFSCREEN FAMILY watching (and where we all collectively lost our hearts and minds to them FOREVER) +

and STANDING BY EACH OTHER through thick and thin, and always raising each other up by their own hands and REFUSING to unfollow each other even after the world crashes down around them (813), continuously giving hints and love that each of them exists and are healthy and whole ("Auntie" and fried duck intestines), and showing off that they are SUPER married please DO NOT APPROACH (GJ and his many ringed fingers) +

and finally feeling a breather when one Uncle, one man who saw wrongdoing and took it upon himself to help out one of these boys in his darkest times, only to hold onto each other and to truth and justice and LIGHT as tightly as possible. Things were looking up and police cases were getting FILED and public opinion TURNED.

And even solemnly professing and going on an RP walk to the very spot his husband/laopo went to and telling the world on VALENTINE'S DAY with full I LOVE YOU FOREVER kadian that nothing changes even after the world has fallen and the earth is threatening to swallow them up - with continuous anti-scandals/ZSJ scandals/MERCH scandals,

And then said Uncle gets muted and the TRASH COMES FLYING OUT from all corners of c-ent, a man comes out to try and impersonate one of them, an ex-music manager takes advantage of his image and brand while he's so muted he can only release small leaked audio clips of him affirming his goals, his own best friend is so LOST he thinks he's supporting his bro but he has ties to the very ex-music manager herself so WHO KNOWS where he's coming from, +

and meanwhile his husband, his LAOGONG subtly posts on instagram that it's so easy to accidentally post things on instagram woops! I guess sometimes you can't trust what's on someone's Instagram post! He meant to post that sunset photo for his drama what a silly gougou, BUT US, WE'RE USED to him being a 50G internet/tech savvy person and know he meant something by it because it's impossible to accidentally post photos on instagram during editing bc it makes you confirm several times that you're posting! He also surreptitiously proved this subtle point by posting and instantly deleting a black and white photo of his shadow overlayed on soft polaroid pictures - clearly he KNEW that he could just delete, he didn't HAVE to announce to the world that he made a "mistake" - AND THEN +

His husband/laopo's instagram is suddenly taken out of private mode and starts accepting followers at midnight and his logo is now CHANGED and a sudden OLD photograph of him is shown on it - what curious timing this is! Right when GJ posted an out-of-character comment on his own Instagram. TIN HATS ON? MAYBE. BUT ALSO, IT'S GJ he does this shit all the time, Mr. Colander.

So the drama continues, our heroes, our protagonists are now dealing with a new foe in C-ent, the ex-music manager, the confusingly loyal but misleading best friend, the IMPERSONATOR.

Who will come next? What can we expect on next week's episode of SHL / WOH: IRL edition?

(ok but forreal these two's love for each other (even if you're not a CP fan or you don't believe in love then gtfo why are you here, but even so you cannot deny how much they do for each other) - their love for each other AMAZES AND DISGUSTS ME AND MAKES ME CRY INTO THE VOID. YEET MYSELF INTO THE SUN and it'll still be less hot than their IRL romance ok done)

(THIS IS WHY I CAN'T GET OFF THE MOUNTAIN, THEY WON'T LET ME.)

[un2-verse]

BILLY — Kim Taehyung (1)

》 News of a Sadistic Serial Killer nicknamed “Jigsaw” is spreading around town like wildfire… the nickname stemming from the puzzle piece he cuts from every victim’s body. No one knows who he’ll trap next but in a town full of delinquents and criminals, it could never be you. Right? 《

pairings: john kramer!taehyung x female reader

warnings: dark themes, angst, yandere, murder, torture, self harm, suicide, stalking etc.... (will add more when i know lol) although it is rather innocent in the first couple chapters(?) so idk it could be slow burn but i guess we’ll find out as i write it >< ,, it’s my version of saw if saw was a fucked up love story lol. Please don’t read if any of the topics mentioned trigger you!! 18+

this fic is exactly that, fiction!!!! the au does not represent the characters mentioned irl......

synopsis: you end up lost on the other side of town, where you cross paths with a handsome stranger, kim taehyung, only.... are you a stranger to him?

[a/n: daffodils represent; love me, sympathy, desire and affection returned...]

word count: 3k

series masterlist

part two

——————————————————————————

Hiding behind a mask was something you were accustomed to. Your friend group and family were clueless to the torment you endured from simply existing. You were confident your masking had convinced the world you were happy with yourself. Unbeknown to you, one other person saw straight through your façade.

You wanted to end your life.

He needed you to cherish your life.

Nothing looked familiar. The café you frequented was nowhere to be found. Your usual hangout was most definitely not on the side of town you found yourself in. You felt anxiety slowly curl its way around your body, you were frigid. You tried and tried but couldn’t find it in yourself to run.

You lived in the more friendly part of town (so to speak) – where houses were colourful, gardens pristine, warm-hearted neighbours who would treat you like family and white picket fences are what surrounded you. That was your norm, sure, you weren’t exactly loaded but you weren’t exactly poor either. It was a healthy balance in the middle. That’s not to say you hadn’t lived or seen this side of town before.

Your Mother and Father had grown up on this side of the fence. Two young people brought up in the rougher, more unfortunate areas. Your Mother was tough; she looked like a naïve, weak girl, albeit that was not the case. She was strong willed, used to life on the streets and doing anything she could to get money to make sure there was at least some food on the table. While your Mum was the leader, your Dad was more of a sheep. He was easily influenced and was dragged into the wrong crowd (had his fair share with drugs and street racing). That was their life for a few years till they crossed paths and your Mum helped your Dad get back on the right track.

They didn’t tell you much about their childhood and adolescence but they told you enough to make you appreciate what you have and to always work hard for it. To stick with the right people, be wise and conscious of your decisions. Be kind to those around you.

Your family owned a garage; your Dad was the head mechanic. This was the sole reason you were here. You knew it wouldn’t be simple when you agreed to go to this side of town to get a few bits for your Father’s shop. However, you didn’t expect it to be this difficult. How could you be so stupid? Why didn’t you just ask Hoseok and Yoongi to come with you like your father told you to? Or at least tell them where you were… yet you decided today of all days to be stubborn and venture on yourself, knowing full well how unsafe the area was. There were rundown businesses on either side of the road, beggars at every doorstep; drug dealings happening in broad daylight, no one even trying to hide it.

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket, you took it out and sighed a breath of relief once you’d read the texts.

14:37— From Papa: U ok munchkin ??? Did u get the stuff ?

14:39— From Papa: its ok if u didnt. Yoongs rang said hes got majority this morning lol so be safe n get home soon . Love u

14:40— To Papa: ohhh ok pops, i couldn’t find the shop anyway lol i’ll head back soon, love u too x

*LOW BATTERY*

“Fuck, trust me to forget to charge the bastard.” You rolled your eyes as you stuffed the phone back in your pocket.

Muffled shouting was heard around you. People ran across the street, bumping into you as they ran past. You gathered yourself and moved further down the path. “Great!” you exasperated, “honestly I’m so fucking stupid! Yoongi’s gonna kill me for this, I knew, I knew I should’ve told him I was coming over here but no,” your head was hung low as you dragged your feet across the pavement, “maybe I could tell Hobi, he wouldn’t be as angry right? I’m sure he’ll come,“ A sudden scream ripped you out of your chuntering. You whipped your head to the right, you could make out some figures bustling about in front of you, a group of men were quite clearly fighting… your anxiety struck you and you held your breath as you saw a man pull a knife from the waistband of his sweatpants. All thoughts and common sense seemed to leave all at once. Statue like, feet stuck to the ground. You watched on as the group rushed towards the brown haired man, you scanned his figure: tall, broad, confident… he exuded an intimidating aura even when you were this far away from him.

How could someone be so sure of themselves? It was one against five, surely the loner had no chance?

The glistening of the knife brought you back to your senses. Fucking hell. How do you always end up in these situations when you’re alone? Why me? Why? Good Lord, I need to run. Just as you were about to leave, the group who were arguing charged past you; one gripped his side as another supported his weight. Holy fuck, did he stab him? you stood frozen, yet again, your mind raced a mile a minute. Panic bubbled in your chest.

“You okay there Doll?” His voice was deep, velvet-like. It flowed so smoothly you doubted it was real, it was so soothing like it had wrapped itself around you, embracing your body. You heard his footsteps before he planted himself beside you. His shoulder reached the top of your head, his hand brushed yours. Swallowing your nerves you dared a glance up. He was fucking breath-taking, like a fallen angel. The stranger shot you a small smile that you would’ve easily missed had you not been staring at his features… a blush crept up your neck as you nodded. His smile slowly twisted into a smirk.

Cute, Taehyung thought to himself. Couldn’t help but adore the way you slightly trembled under his gaze, the way your hands gripped and twisted your sweater paws. Almost like a puppy. He cleared his throat and reached his hand to yours, “Sorry, I should’ve introduced myself. I’m Taehyung.” you took his hand into yours, apprehensively you greeted him, “I’m Y/N.”

“Ah, Y/N. I haven’t seen you round here before, you new or something?” Taehyung cocked his head to the side, his eyes seemed to stare right through you.

“Uhm, I don’t live here. I live over the other part of Town… I was just grabbing some stuff for my Dad but, my phones about to die. I have no idea where I am or how to get home, I’m sorry, I promise I didn’t see anything!” a deep chuckle cut you off, Taehyung smiled and beckoned you to follow him.

“Come on Y/N, you’re not suited for this side of Town, I’ll walk you back. A pretty little thing like you, you’re easy prey to these guys.” your feet fell into a cautious pace behind him, he glanced over his shoulder, “hurry up Buttercup, I don’t bite.” Taehyung flashed a boxy grin in your direction, which caused you to speed up ever so slightly.

You were unsure how you felt about letting a complete stranger walk you home, Yoongi would definitely kill you for this. Especially with the recent news of some serial killer named ‘Jigsaw’, Yoongi and Hoseok had been very stern and their usual, overprotective selves when the news had broken out. “It’s on every headline Y/Nie! No more leaving the house on yourself, you need to go anywhere you ring either of us. Got it? Don’t talk to anyone you don’t know either. There’s some dodgy fucks about recently.” Although, you loved them dearly, sometimes their protectiveness was a...little overbearing. You already felt suffocated from your parents (you didn’t need it from your best friends as well). They were happy and believed you to be too; but that was exhausting, faking happiness. You had a constant façade, acted like a happy normal teenager with a happy family; when that was far from the truth.

Drowning. That’s how you’d explain the way you felt. Breathing was difficult and brought you more pain than it was worth. Growing up was tedious, you had grown differently to your peers which only brought ridicule and embarrassment for you. You had struggled with your speech (sometimes you still do), you often stuttered, mispronounced words, the list was endless. That was one of the first reasons you were a castaway. As you grew, the ridicule worsened. Verbal abuse turned physical from your classmates. They made you feel like you were a waste of space. The names they called you, you soon started to believe them. Ugly. Weird. Freak. Stupid. They took root in your brain, slowly they grew and grew till your head was overgrown with twisted, rotten weeds.

Eventually, you sought comfort in blood. You didn’t care that it hurt you; you were almost happy to feel pain. Like you deserved to.

By age 14, you had started to skip school. Only ever there for exams and a couple of art classes you had with Jeongguk. He was what you would’ve called a best friend, he supported you and was by your side till you left school. He went away to college and like always with school friends, you drifted apart. Nevertheless, he still texts you now and then to check in.

Although you were (once) close with Jeongguk. He never knew of your inner demons, the same with Yoongi and Hoseok. You didn’t want to feel like a burden and worry your friends when they had shit to worry about themselves.

Why devastate flowers that flourish beautifully with weeds that manage to twist their way around every crack?

You had walked for a few minutes now, having chatted absentmindedly about anything and everything. The roads still didn’t look familiar to you and you just wished they did, you didn’t want to be away from your home any longer, your feet were starting to ache, your phone was on 10% battery and it was fucking cold. You just wanted to be back in bed tucked up watching Lady and the Tramp or 101 Dalmatians for the millionth time. You felt safe and content when you indulged in your comfort films. Far away from the real world and wrapped up in the false reality. They easily distracted you and that's when you truly felt at peace. Your mind was always too busy thinking about how cute it was when Tramp calls Lady, Pidge or how in love Pongo and Perdy were.

Majority of the time you fantasised about having a love similar, but then again, why would you wanna make yourself vulnerable like that? Is the risk of being hurt (more than you are now) any good? Of course it’s not. Fuck that, life isn’t nothing like those shitty romance films or novels… It’s real and painful.

As you and Taehyung rounded the corner, a little cafe caught your eye, a dainty blue and pink building. Fairy Lights strung up around the windows, you could see a handful of people inside, busy sipping their drinks and chatting away to one another. ‘Aroma Mocha’ hung above the doors. It looked so cute and simple. Your previous thoughts left your mind as quick as they had come. You wanted to go inside, it had an enticing atmosphere.

Taehyung hadn’t realised you’d stopped walking until he couldn’t hear the soft thud of your footsteps behind him, he turned as he called out to you, your eyes still fixed on the cafe. He chuckled to himself, “Fucking adorable, like a kid at christmas,” he walked back over to you. “Hey Doll, you wanna go in?” He felt his heart quicken when you looked at him with those pretty eyes, “We’ve plenty of time to get you back before it’s dark angel.” You answered him with a nod as you turned your head from Taehyung to look back at the alluring little cafe.

Not a second had passed before Taehyung grabbed your hand and pulled you across the road to the entrance; you ignored the warmth of his hand as it intertwined with yours; you ignored the way your tummy erupted with butterflies. Taehyung had stopped to hold the door for you, you murmured a small, “thank you,” looking up at him, the heat that crept up your cheeks making your face resemble that of a doll’s he thought to himself. Once he ushered you fully inside, he placed his hand to rest on the curve of your waist as he guided you to the back corner of the room, where a quaint table for two was unoccupied, a little pot of Daffodils sat atop. How fitting...

Taehyung was quick to pull the chair out for you to take a seat, you pulled it in as you sat down and sent a shy smile his way, “I’m sorry, I know we just met Taehyung but this place is so fucking precious! I hope I’m not bothering you, if I am we can just carry on walking or, I could ring a Taxi? Is this weird? Oh god, I can’t believe--”, Taehyung threw his head back as he laughed, a sound that seemed to wrap its way around your soul, twisting around your heart in the nicest of ways, it was almost like a killer to the weeds taking over your body. A temporary release. You felt like you could really breathe in those short seconds of his laughter.

“Angel, if you were bothering me, I’d have kept on walking. That, or I would’ve called you a Taxi myself, it’s no problem honestly.” You ducked your head as he sent a wink your way, fuck sake Y/N get it together! Why are you acting like a fucking schoolgirl?

“Well I uh, appreciate it so, yeah thank you?” You don’t know what to do, you’re here with the most gorgeous person you’ve ever laid your eyes on… yet you have no clue if what you saw was real, did Taehyung stab someone? Could someone have had the knife who wasn’t Taehyung? Was he even the person you saw in that altercation? Did you imagine everything that had gone off?

Before you had chance to overthink it, a light bubbly voice greeted your ears, “Hi! Welcome to Aroma Mocha, I’m Jimin and I’ll be your server today. Is there anything I can get you?” Jimin held his gaze on you as he flashed you a friendly smile, Taehyung turned around at the sound of his best friend, “Oh, Tae! I wasn’t expecting to see you today, what are you doing here? And who’s this pretty little lady?”

“This is Y/Nie, she was in the neighbourhood so we thought we’d nip in for something to drink before I take her back to hers.” you sent a warm smile to Jimin which he gladly returned, “I’ll have my usual and can you get Y/Nie a Strawberry Iced Tea? Thanks man.”

Once Jimin had disappeared to make your drinks, you shot your eyes to Taehyung, “Uhm, how’d you know I like Strawberry Iced Tea?” Taehyung didn’t even look in your direction as he scrolled through his phone, eyes glued to the screen. A minute passed by and he’d still not acknowledged your question so you let it slide, it wasn’t that big of a deal right? Your mind drifted. Your fingers rested atop of your lap, hidden from the sight of onlookers, picking around your nails as anxiety flooded your body. You felt like you were about to suffocate. You shouldn’t be talking to anyone, you shouldn’t let anyone close. You were only going to fuck everything up in a heartbeat. It’s only natural. Self deprecating thoughts devoured and made their way through your veins, poisoning yourself further; your whole body felt as though it was alight.

Jimin brought you your drinks, placed them carefully in front of the pair of you as you both said your thanks.

The click of Taehyung’s phone being locked and the clearing of his throat brought you back to your senses. “The drink I ordered for you is popular here so, I assumed you’d like to try it. You wanna talk about what’s bothering you?” your eyes shot up to meet his, your head tilted a little to the left as your tongue wet your lip, so puppy like...

You stared incredulously, “I don’t know what you’re talking about Taehyung.” You leant forward slightly as you wrapped your lips around the straw and took a sip.

Taehyung saw the way you sucked your drink up through your straw, his eyes darkened. Thankful to have worn sweatpants that day, he shifted himself discreetly, “I’m not stupid Angel, I know what you’re doing under the table. I’m here, so talk to me. I’ll listen to whatever you gotta say.”

You stuttered as you wracked your brain for something to say, “I-I only met you like forty minutes ago, I don’t even tell my friends what’s wrong. Not that there is, everything’s fine.”

You met me just short of an hour ago, he thought to himself, “You don’t have to lie to me Y/Nie…” he grabbed your hands that were laid near the cup of your Iced Tea. His thumb rubbing circles onto the back of your hand. You looked small and fragile, like the Daffodils on the table; one little pluck and you’d be ruined. He wouldn’t admit it to you just yet but, Taehyung fucking loved how delicate you seemed as you sat across from him.

How easy it would be to take your life away. How easy it’d be to pull those weeds up that are poisoning you, torturing you every single day. He shook his head, as he cleared those thoughts. No, only Y/N can make that decision. I’m just going to help her choose.

Live or Die.

You visibly winced, “You don’t know me. Think whatever the fuck you want about me, it doesn’t matter.” your eyes flashed hurt as you went back to picking your skin. You knew it, this whole encounter was too good to be true. A complete stranger (well acquaintance technically) had just presumed shit about you, the fact he was right is what hurt more. You didn’t want anyone to know how you were feeling. Or how you were dealing with it.

You couldn’t exactly tell him to piss off, you still needed his help home and so you tried to distract yourself from the unsettling gaze that watched your every move. You let out a breath as Taehyung went back to his phone. Your eyes drifted as you picked up the local Newspaper, your eyes skimmed over the headline, ‘Jigsaw Traps Continue’. Taehyung noticed you staring at the front page, and chuckled, “you scared of Jigsaw Angel?”

You shook your head, why would you be scared of some nutjob who’s targeted criminals and drug dealers? You’re a nobody. “Of some psychopathic puppet?” if anyone did anything to you that would threaten your life, it would be you. Taehyung just laughed in return as you skipped the article and skim-read the other pointless stories.

You were fucking clueless as to who he was while he knew every little thing about you. He had watched you for months… His precious little Y/Nie… Oh how silly you were, taking your life for granted.

You hated yourself that much, you were willingly marking yourself up. Tainting your skin… oh your skin, how fucking beautiful and soft it looked, even with all the scars it still looked perfect… Taehyung wanted nothing more than to whisk you away and lock you inside with him. Forever. He didn’t want anyone touching what was his.

He knew you wore a mask when in public, too afraid to show your real self. Little did you know, he wore a mask himself...only he wore it to better other people.

He had a plan.

And you’d soon find out.

Let the games begin.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Hey Ash

So this has been on my mind for a while now.

I mean some of the whump is real cruel-and i know we humans are not to be predicted at all-yet i can't take it off my mind that any fiction has a touch of reality to it.

Um not accusing anybody of anything but Has anyone-group of people to be specific-been hurt -IRL-in a systematized way like in those box boy stories or signed a contract,giving away their lives or whatever....i mean i hear about creepy things like in deep web and mystery boxes and i just can't help questioning what if some of these stories are happening to people in the real life not just in our fiction stories or what if some of our stories are based on something like that,like,is there any solid evidence?

Some days, it's overwhelming and i guess i'd like to hear what other whump community members think or know about this

This question is probably weird and not well formulated but it's been on my mind for a while now and i just need to know

CW: For discussion of true crime cases that involve rape, kidnapping, abuse, consensual cannibalism, etc

Oof, well, this is kind of an intense question.

I would say, to some extent... yes, there's probably aspects of the story that have occurred to some extent in real life here or there. There is the story of Colleen Stan, a woman literally kidnapped and kept in a box, repeatedly assaulted over the course of years. She was even coerced into signing a "contract" of slavery for life.

Human trafficking networks often go to great lengths to carefully lure vulnerable individuals by offering them a "better life", or an escape from their problems.

Cults often pull people in by "love-bombing" them, or by burying them in affection and hiding their true purpose, and then withholding that earlier affection while subjecting the cult members to malnourishment, abuse, torture, sexual assault, extreme sleep deprivation, and repetitious chanting that numbs the mind and is designed to make it more suggestible.

There’s even a very famous case of two men who met online and one agreed to be murdered and consumed by the other in a case of “consensual” cannibalism. 

Bram recording and posting his torture of Danny references a couple of times a true story where a man who had abducted a young girl was caught because he was live-streaming his torture of her, and one of his viewers realized this wasn't an act, freaked out, and called the FBI to report it.

So, in that sense I suppose you could say yes, there is a touch of reality. But the simple truth is that there is no fiction without a touch of reality to it, because we wouldn't connect with it otherwise. Think about fantasy novels, or sci-fi. Even if they take place on an alien world with alien characters, there will be some aspect of reality within the story - perhaps the protagonist is searching for their missing child, and how many stories have we heard about abducted or missing children with parents desperate to find them? Perhaps the protagonist has magical powers and is going through training at an elite institution where they suffer from violent bullying and harassment - there are plenty of stories about children who are viciously bullied, many of us have experienced that ourselves.

Writers often pull details from real events to add a sense of connection and realism to even the most fantastical stories. I would argue this isn't really any different.

The Room, a book and movie which became more or less a national household name, is a direct reference to multiple real-life kidnappings where women were rescued who had been held for so long they'd given birth while in captivity.

In the Silence of the Lambs movie, Buffalo Bill (the serial killer they are trying to catch before he kills again) pulled inspiration from multiple real-life serial killers.

The killer in Scream was based on the Gainesville Ripper.

The BBU isn't really happening, but there are pieces of it - the concept of breaking people down through abuse, malnourishment, repetition, and torture - that exist in real life.

[dearestarmie]

I guess I don't get shipping real people 🤷🏼‍♀️ I think Armie and Timothee have amazing chemistry with each other, and it made cmbyn so much more because of it, and obviously once you've been through an experience like that your going to be closer to each other than most friends. But how does that translate into them being in love and everything that they do is about each other? Just because Armie was married to a horrible bitch doesn't make him gay/bi. At least I don't think so. And Tim seems like so many other young men his age pushing the boundaries of gender and sexuality (and good for him!) but how do you know he's gay/bi? I don't get that they are a couple. And it's not just them, I don't get freebatch or larry or any of them. Good friends, yes. Extremely close friends, yes. Emotionally attached friends, yes. But not necessarily romantic or sexual. What am I missing?

I don't know what you want me to tell you, dude. Honestly, my love for them doesn't depend on their relationship irl. I like to believe they are an actual couple, yes, because I saw every interaction they had off camera and it was something special. But if they're not really a couple currently, just close intimate friends, as you say, good for them. I'm here for that too. And regarding their sexuality, you guys like to put so many words on our mouths, it's insane. What I think and what reality is are completely distinct things and you forget to regard that as . I was never sure of their sexuality or relationship in the first place, it's all about what I think, and that's not the same as I believe is actually true, because we may never know about their truth. And most importantly, why is it so impossible to think that they're not straight? What's the big offense in that? Is being gay/bi so wrong that you can't assume someone is? Sounds pretty bigoted to me, dude. Why is it so bad to imagine two men might be involved romantically? Just because they are men? Just because being gay/bi will make them less men than they are? You should reevaluate your own views on life, dude.