#and i’m so happy he has sierra

[oncamelliastreet]

hey have i ever mentioned that it’s the promises we break em every time and every consequence we kiss between the lines i’d do it all again i guess i just feel better around you and it’s the promises we make em every time and every word you said i hang on every line i’d do it all again i guess i just feel better around you

[flowerxbunnie]

can you pls pls write about shy reader she and chris are a recent couple and one day he founds out that she likes dirty talk and tries that with her

Dirty Secret

Chris x Fem reader

Warnings: SMUTTYYY smut, lots of dirty talk, degradation/praise

DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT OKAY WITH SMUT OR ARE A MINOR!

Tags: @lustfulslxt

Chris’s POV

I can’t wipe the dumb smile off my face as I peek at Y/n’s nightstand, multiple tubes of chapstick covering the surface along with notebooks, pens, scrunchies, and lots of half empty water bottles. Her personality shows in her room so clearly, methodic but carefree.

These past four months have made me nothing but happy. We’ve done a good job at keeping our relationship out of the public eye after agreeing she didn’t want to handle any kickback from my fans yet. I hate that I can’t show her off, but it’s for the best, at least at this point.

I roam around her room with no ultimate goal, just waiting for her to get back from her nail appointment and I got bored. I scan her makeup table, brushes and random products strewn about as evidence that she’d been here hours before. Her jackets and hats hang on a hook behind her door and I run my fingers across the different fabrics, moving closer to inhale the vanilla scent that floods my mind with images of her. Fairly lights twinkle above her bed, something I’ve definitely taken notice of during all our nights tangled in her sheets.

I move to her bookshelf and look at all the spines of her books, some neatly lined up and some thrown haphazardly into piles. There’s collectible figures of the things she likes, crystals, and random little trinkets littering the shelves. I can’t help but reach out and touch the book that’s lying on the shelf at my eye level, running my fingers along all the multicolored sticky notes she’s placed into her favorite pages.

I guess it was a little too close to the edge, because even my light touch caused it to topple over and fall open, landing face down on the carpet below. I breathe out a curse and lean down to pick it up and put it exactly how I found it. I don’t want Y/n to think I’ve been snooping, because I haven’t. I’m just admiring all the little things that make her room feel like home to her.

I close the book and bring it back up to the shelf, turning it around to glance at the cover. Priest by Sierra Simone. I know a lot about Y/n already, but I didn’t know she was into religion. Sounds like a biography from the summary on the back. Something about a priest breaking their vow of celibacy and needing to confess. My interest is growing, I didn’t think she would enjoy this kind of book, maybe I should take a peek?

I pick the first sticky note my fingers brush across, knowing Y/n highlighted it for a reason. An audible gasp falls out of my mouth as a skim across the words on the page.

“Stay the fuck still, or I’m going to come before I want to, and if that happens, then I will take you over my knee and spank your ass until you learn how to listen.”

“What the fuck?” I question out loud.

I flip through multiple pages, each sticky note highlighting incredibly filthy words. It’s a fucking sex book. My cheeks burn at the thought of her reading these while she’s alone in her room, wondering what she looks like as she’s turning the pages and writhing with anticipation. I grab onto a pink sticky note and pull on it, flipping it to the page and reading what she had highlighted.

“But I won’t lie. It makes me hard as fuck knowing that I was the first man to taste you.”

This sticky note has her own handwriting smeared across it. I squint to make out the words.

If Chris would have said that to me…

Ouch, I think?

I’m not a vanilla guy by any means, but I’m not the weird fuck from 50 Shades of Grey either. I think our sex life is great, it’s more than enough to keep me satisfied. We’ve made love in the car, fucked while she was bent over her dining room table, stolen kisses in restaurant bathrooms after we snuck away from our friends. It’s all been so exciting to me, and even better because it’s with her.

I continue flying through the pages, my eyes widening at every line she made a point to come back to. This dude talks so much while he’s fucking this chick.

“No, don’t touch yourself, sweetheart. We’re going to get there together.”

Remind Chris to be more vocal!

It all clicks in my bird brain. I’m a fucking idiot. She’s highlighted almost all dialogue. She wants me to talk more during sex. I’ll admit, I’m not the best at speaking my mind while she’s bouncing on me or sprawled out below me. But why hasn’t she told me yet? I hope she hasn’t been disappointed with how things have been going.

I put the book back and angle it as best as I can remember, moving to lay down on top of her comforter. I stretch my back out and throw my arms behind my head, thinking about what I’m going to do when she gets home.

Y/n’s POV

I take my keys out of the door and lock it behind me, smiling as I see Chris’s sneakers sitting on the shoe rack in my entryway. My nails took way longer than I expected and I’m just so excited to be able to waste the rest of my day away with him. I make my way down the hall after placing my shoes next to his and creep into my bedroom, sprinting and jumping to lay beside Chris who’s stretched across my bed.

“Hiiii baby, I missed youuu!” I singsong before pressing a kiss against his stubbly cheek.

“Mmm, missed you more.” he mumbles into my neck as he turns and molds his body into mine.

His arms encircle me and the smell of his cologne floods my senses, washing a wave of comfort over me. I could lay like this forever.

“Let’s see the nails,” he says as he breaks away from me, suddenly sitting up and grabbing my hands.

I sit up beside him and watch as his large hands hold my own, moving my fingers around and watching the duo chrome polish shift colors in the light. His smile spreads from ear to ear as he takes notice of the “C” I asked the nail tech to paint onto my ring finger.

“Aren’t they so cute??” I squeal, so ecstatic at the way they turned out.

“So cute,” he coos, bringing them to his lips to place a tender kiss on each finger. “I think they’d look even cuter wrapped around my cock.” He says in a low growl as he brings my hand down to his lap, shoving my palm onto the fabric of his sweatpants.

I feel his erection through the layers of clothing, rock hard and throbbing. I can’t help but gasp at his words, I’ve never heard him speak like this before. I watch as his pupils dilate, the black overtaking the blue of his iris as he flickers his eyes to my lips.

“Nothing to say, sweetheart?” He asks almost in a belittling tone.

“N-no I just.. I’ve never heard you say something like that,” I squeak out as he pushes my hand down with more force.

“What, you don’t like it?” He says with a smirk.

“I don’t know.. I th-think so..” I stammer.

“When were you gonna tell me, hm? Such an innocent girl reading such filthy books. Does it turn you on?” His hand leaves mine against his hard on and comes up to caress my cheek.

“Huh, what are you talking about?” I spit out at him, my cheeks igniting red with visible embarrassment.

Has he snooped through my room?

“I saw it all, baby. And it’s okay. It’s okay if you need me to tell you how dirty of a girl you are, or how good you make me feel. You have to let me know these things..” he trails off as his thumb brushes against my lip, smearing my peppermint chapstick onto the corner of my mouth.

“I-I’m sorry, Chris. I don’t… I didn’t know how to bring it up. I didn’t want you to think I was weird.” I look down, intimidated by his cold gaze, and he tilts my head back up, his eyes serious.

“It’s not weird. Do you touch yourself to those books baby? Reading about a man talking to a woman like that.. does it make you feel good?” He whispers the last sentence and his free hand finds my inner thigh, caressing and warming my skin.

I nod sheepishly, afraid to speak my thoughts out loud to Chris.

“Use your words. Do you ever imagine it’s me saying those things?”

“Y-yes… every single time.” I say as I release a breath.

He groans and pushes my hair behind my ear, inching closer to me and ghosting his lips over my ear. “Such a naughty girl.”

Shivers fall down my spine as he places a kiss onto the sensitive skin between my ear and jaw, his lips lingering and sucking lightly. He slides the hand on my cheek to the back of my neck, lacing his fingers into my hair and pulling down, my neck exposed to him.

“Look at the way your body reacts to me.” He whispers, placing a finger onto my jugular, and I feel it pulsing mercilessly beneath his touch.

He moves his hand to grip around my throat, his thumb and fingers pressed firmly against both pulse points of my neck. My head begins to tingle, my heartbeat pounding in my ears. His lips pepper wet kisses along my jaw, every one of them seeping into my skin and heightened from the constricted blood flow.

“You like that, my hand around your throat? I could squeeze as hard as I want.” he says before constricting his grip.

My core begins to throb hearing his inner thoughts spill from his mouth. My field of vision starts to shrink, a black vignette closing in.

“I’d never hurt you like that, sweetheart. But don’t you like the risk?” He suddenly releases his hold on my throat and all my blood rushes back up into my head. I’m dizzy and completely aroused for him.

I nod furiously before his lips crash against mine, low growls seeping out of his throat and being released into my mouth. He bites and tugs at my bottom lip before pulling away and licking a hot stripe up my chin and back up to my mouth. His lips meet mine again, his mouth open and begging for my tongue. I push it into his mouth only to be dominated, not standing a chance as his hunger grows.

Chris’s hands latch onto my hips, lifting me off the mattress and into his lap, his erection poking at my core. He breaks the kiss and grabs the hem of my shirt, sliding his hands up along with the fabric. I help him get it off, discarding it somewhere in my room. His eyes burn holes into my chest, examining the bralette covering the skin. He grabs the bottom and slides it up, my breasts bouncing as they fall out in front of him. He pushes the excess fabric up to rest on the plate of my chest.

“Fuck, Y/n. If I died with my face in your tits I’d be happy.”

He begins ravaging my breasts, nipping and licking and leaving red and purple marks across the skin. He sucks my nipples while looking so deep into my eyes I start to think he can see the back of my skull. The line of pain and pleasure is completely blurred when he takes one of my swollen nipples between his teeth and tugs on it.

“F-fuck, Chris..” I cry out, bucking my hips instinctively and pressing down onto his throbbing dick.

He lets out a deep moan, gripping my waist and prompting me to stop my movements. “You’re gonna make me cum if you keep doing that. I’m so fucking hard it hurts.”

I let out a little grin and begin to rock back and forth again, his head falling against the headboard with his eyes squeezed shut. His cock rubs against my clit through the multiple layers of clothing, but the pressure and friction still causes both of us to pant and moan in unison. He brings his head back up and grips my hips tighter this time, my body unable to move.

“Such a dirty girl. Can’t listen to simple instructions.”

He removes his shirt, a layer of sweat starting to form on his skin, then brings my bra over my head, not bothering with the clasp. He throws it across the room and then lifts my legs to remove my shorts before lifting me up and sliding his sweatpants off, all of which meet the same fate as the rest of the discarded clothes. He presses a hand against my chest, my back hitting the bed as he pushes me down. He comes to hover over me, his eyes dark and half lidded. His knee is pressed inbetween my thighs touching my core with a teasing amount of pressure.

“You’ve already made such a mess, baby..” he says with false concern, referring to the wetness that has seeped through my panties and is touching his skin.

“I’m s-sorry..” I whine, fighting the urge to grind against his knee.

“Don’t apologize, sweet girl. I’ll help you out.”

Chris trails kisses down my chest and stomach, randomly sucking marks into my skin on the way down. He circles his tongue around my navel before licking across it, a trace amount of his warm saliva dripping in. He traces his tongue along the lace hem of my panties, his breath burning against my skin as he grips it with his teeth.

“Please, Chris..” I whine and push him closer to the place I need him most.

His eyes show his grin as he dips his face down, flattening his tongue across the fabric covering my core. He licks and sucks at it, humming and closing his eyes as he spreads my legs apart.

“So sweet,” He whispers as he flicks his tongue up and down.

He hooks his fingers into the band of my panties and pulls, his mouth only disconnecting for a brief second to slide them down my legs before his tongue finally connects with my bare pussy. I arch my back off the bed and cry out as his tongue works against my heat. I’m a mess under him- gripping the sheets, tugging on his brown waves, grabbing my own breasts, doing whatever I can to release some of the tension building up in my body.

“You like the way my tongue feels on you, princess?” He asks in a raspy voice as he wipes his wet mouth with the back of his hand.

“Yes.. fuck please keep going..” I pant, not wanting to lose momentum as my climax has started inching its way to the top.

“How about you do what you need? Use my face and get yourself off.”

He leans back down and presses his tongue against me, holding still as he keeps eye contact. I start circling my hips, feeling the way his tongue remains in place as I grind against it. I grip onto his face and pull it closer, moving my hips down so his nose rubs my clit and his tongue rubs up and down my folds. I buck up and down in complete control and he hums against me to the point I feel like my intestines are vibrating. I speed up and increase the pressure as my stomach begins to ache with a familiar feeling.

I nearly scream, tensing up as my body burns through my climax. He remains still just letting me use him as I ride through it and come down, my grip on his hair relaxing and my body falling slack on the bed.

“Taste yourself baby. Let me show you what you did, all for me.” He whispers against my lips after he climbs to hover over me.

I’m still trying to catch my breath as his lips collide onto mine. I taste my own juices on his tongue, sweet and tangy. He presses his hips down onto my stomach and reminds me of his need, humping forward a few times and moaning into my mouth.

“Now are you gonna bend over or just sit there and look pretty?” He growls as he swiftly stands up and pulls his boxers down.

His pink tip is swollen and leaking precum. His grips his hand around his base and squeezes until his knuckles turn white, his head falling back out of pleasure or maybe the throbbing pain, there’s no way to tell. His eyes lock onto mine and he starts pumping up and down on his dick, sucking in a sharp breath.

“I asked you a question, sweetheart.”

I pull myself to my feet as quick as I can and limp to the end of the bed, my legs like jelly after tensing up so hard.

“That’s cute. Can’t wait to carry you to the shower after this one.” he smirks and licks his lips.

My breath hitches as I turn around and bend over the footboard of the bed. His hands run up and down my ass, jiggling it before giving me a light smack with both hands. I gasp, jumping forward and my ribs hit the wood I’m bent over.

“So fucking hot, can’t believe this is all mine,” he coos, running his fingers down my folds before wiping my juices onto my lower back.

I feel his head against my clit, slick with warm precum. He soaks himself in my juices as he swipes it across my entrance, barely dipping in as he grips my hip with one hand.

“Chris.. oh my god. P-please just fuck me.” I whine, my legs already shaking and twitching.

“Mmm I plan on it, baby.” he whispers before slowly pushing forward.

He slowly gives me inch by delicious inch, my walls stretching around his thickness as we moan out together. He starts slow and stays deep inside me, barely pumping in and out. He runs his hands up and down my spine as he rocks into me, his breathing slow and controlled. My pussy clenches around him as his tip brushes repeatedly over a sensitive spot.

“P-please Chris go faster,” I draw out in a moan.

He listens. His thrusts become rough and rapid, my ribs slamming against the wood with each stroke but my brain seems to tune it out. He keeps his grip on my waist with one hand and reaches around to my face with the other, shoving two fingers in my mouth. I suck on them hard, swirling and lapping my tongue around them.

“Such a fucking slut, so willing to have all your holes filled, aren’t you?” He pants as he hooks his fingers onto the corner of my mouth and pulls back.

“Nhgnh.. fuck..” is all I can manage through his manipulation of my mouth.

“What? Am I fucking you dumb? Can’t even get your words out.”

I moan in response and feel my pussy throbbing around him, my lower abdomen on fire as I climb to my next release.

“S-so close..” I mumble as drool drips down my chin.

He lets go of my mouth and grips my waist, his thumbs pressing into the dimples on my back.

“You need me to cum in you, don’t you? I know you wanna be filled up, so full your eyes start to float.” He pumps as deep as he can go, my eyes rolling back into my head and words failing to form. “Answer me.” He spits with a smack on my ass.

“Please… p-please cum in me. Need it.. s-so bad Chris!”

With that he shoves his hips against me and shoots his hot load into my pussy, coating my walls as I fall over the edge with him. I’m screaming his name as he moans mine, pure ecstasy echoing through my room. I feel his cum leaking down my legs, such a big load that it has nowhere else to go. His thrusts slow down before they come to a halt, his dick still twitching inside me.

He pulls out and hums as he backs up and takes in the sight in front of him. I have no energy to stand, my muscles aching and tired.

“Look at that. God I wish I could burn this into my brain.”

He walks over to me, wrapping his arms around my torso and lifts me, my legs helping very little to hold me up. He hooks an arm under my thighs and picks me up to hold me bridal style. I’m so tired that my head can only manage to flop against his chest, and I hear his rapid heartbeat in my ear.

He starts to walk towards my bathroom but first places a lingering kiss on my forehead. I can feel the smile on his lips.

“Told you I’d have to carry you to the shower.”

[upat4amwiththemoon]

The stars

Summary: I see my lover when I look at the stars.

Pairing: Carol Danvers x female!reader

Warnings: sexism, men, it’s the 80s, some angst

Word count: 3902

a/n: second chance romance trope, I’m so happy with this you guys!!

Tags: @thought-of-you-and-me @rafecameronswhore @natashamaximoff69

masterlists | guidelines

1985

Pancho’s bar wasn’t the fanciest place to work at as a young woman, especially because most of the customers are men from the air force. Their favorite past time besides drinking is trying to seduce Y/N, and get her number. But she isn’t interested in them, and never will be, though that’s something she’ll keep to herself. At least the constant flirting leads to good tips, which will eventually help her get out of the bar.

Y/N dries a glass with a rag now that she has some downtime. The rush time will start soon, so she wants to prepare for it to the best of her abilities. There are few regulars sitting either at a table or by the bar, but she knows they’ll let her know if they need anything, otherwise they like to quietly drink to their sorrows.

When the bell by the door rings, Y/N quickly glances at the new customers way, she only sees the air force logo on their clothes, making her roll her eyes. They’re out early today. She sets the cleans classes to their places and washes her hands, taking a deep breath, she gets ready for the onslaught of vulgar words.

“Hey, could we get two beers?”

Her head snaps up when she hears the feminine voice. Two women are standing in front of her with the air force clothes on and friendly smiles on their faces. Y/N stares at them with wide eyes for a moment. Sure every now and then women wonder into the bar, but she has never seen air force women come in.

Y/N regains her composure and grabs two beer glasses. “Sure thing! Which beers would you like?” Her customer service voice is cheery and slightly more high pitched than her normal one.

“Sierra Nevada, please.”

“Coming right up.” As Y/N moves to the taps to pour the beers, the two women start whispering and throwing looks between each other. Without Y/N noticing, the blonde woman’s gaze moves to places her eyes shouldn’t go. “Here you go.” She sets the beers in front of them.

“Thanks,” the woman glances at Y/N’s name tag, “Y/N. I’m Carol.” She hands some bills to pay for both of the drinks. “And this is Maria.” Carol states when she gets nudged to her side by the other woman.

“Nice to meet you.” Y/N says, her voice slower as she tries to figure out her intentions. Carol’s tone is similar to the multiple men who like flirt with her, though more genuine sounding, but surely that’s not what she is doing with her. “Here’s your change.”

“Keep it.” Carol winks before she and Maria go over to a table and sit down, leaving flustered Y/N at the bar.

She pockets the tip and start rearranging the dishes, trying to occupy her mind from wandering to incredibly good looking Carol.

When the clock strikes midnight, the bar is already at full swing. People are dancing to the loud music coming from the jukebox, and occasional bursts of laughter can be heard from the tables full of men, drunk men.

Y/N has been moved from behind the bar to the floor, bringing back empty classes and taking people’s drink orders. Because the other workers are men, they believe having a woman on the floor is better for business.

“Hey, sweetheart!” A drunken air force soldier shouts from a table full of them. He is waving his hand around in a come here motion. With a sigh, Y/N puts on her best smile and makes her way over to their table. “How much for a pretty girl like you to sit with us?” He waves a wad of cash in the air, his mouth formed in a grin that show his teeth. The others are staring at the two like it’s the best entertainment they’ve ever seen.

“Unfortunately I don’t have time to sit with customers. Is there anything else I could get you?” She smiles, holding a tray under her arm. She wants out of the situation, not liking the feeling of all the men’s eyes on her.

“Oh, come on, sweetheart.” The way the man says sweetheart makes Y/N want to gag. “Aren’t you supposed to do anything the customer want, eh? Besides, girls love money, don’t they?”

“I have to go help other customers, let me know if you want more drinks or something to eat.”

As Y/N goes to walk away from the table, the man grabs her arm. “Well hold on a second,” he slurs his words, “I ain’t done with you yet.”

Huffing, she glares at the man. She’s starting to get annoyed. “Listen, mister, I’m working right now, and have to attend to other customers as well.” Her voice has lost its cheery tone. “So, let me go.”

“Ooh, feisty!” One of the other man at the table comments. It makes the other laugh loudly, and enrages Y/N. She is aware this is a man’s world, but she is not going to be their entertainer.

Before Y/N can retaliate, someone else steps in to her rescue. “Hey. She said to let her go.” Carol stands next to her with her back straightened and shoulders pulled back. “So let her go.” Her voice is low, and her eyes are cold. She looks like someone you don’t want to mess around with.

“Well look at you,” the man scoffs, “it’s the wannabe soldier.” He sneers.

“Let the lady go, I’m warning you.”

“Oh, you’re warning me?” He stands up, still holding onto Y/N’s arm. All the humor has left him. “And what are you going to do about it?” He stands slightly taller than Carol, but it doesn’t seem to deter her.

The tension between the two start to grow. Y/N stands there, frozen, keeping her eyes on Carol. She doesn’t want to deal with this right now, her shift is supposed to end soon.

Suddenly, Carol raises her fist, and punches the man square in the jaw. He stumbles backwards into the chair he was sitting in, finally letting go of Y/N. “You bitch!” He shouts, wiping blood away from his lip. He goes to stand up, but before the situation escalates any further, one of the other bar workers come to escort him out.

“You okay?” Carol turns to look at Y/N once the men are out of the bar.

“Yeah,” she rubs the spot the man was holding onto, “thanks for helping.” Her mouth grows into a small smile. “That was kinda amazing.”

Grinning, Carol shrugs. “I have a things for saving pretty ladies who happen to work at this bar.”

Y/N lets out a small laugh as she shakes her head. “Okay, superhero.” Her voice is playful, but she can feel her cheeks flushing. “I have to get back to work now.”

“When do you get off?” Carol follows Y/N around while she picks up empty glasses.

“In twenty minutes.”

“I’ll walk you home,” she states, “me and Maria, I mean. You shouldn’t walk alone this late at night.”

Y/N bites the inside of her cheek. She glances at Carol, feeling warmth rush over her body when she sees the hopeful look on her face. “Alright. I’ll see you in twenty.” Giving her a smile, she returns back behind the bar.

Carol has a huge grin on her face as she stares at Y/N work. “What did I miss?” Maria walks over to her, having been occupied by beating a man’s ass in pool.

“We’re walking her home.”

Maria glances at Y/N, and nudges Carol’s side with a smirk. “You like her.”

“Maybe.”

1987

The front door of Y/N’s small, crappy apartment slams shut as she comes home from her shift at Pancho’s bar. It’s late at night, Y/N is exhausted, and she is sweaty, and she just wants to fall asleep without worrying about anything.

She throws her keys somewhere on top of the dresser she has next to her front door, and kicks her work shoes out of her feet. “Jesus!” A shout leaves out of her mouth when she turns around. Carol is standing there with a sheepish smile and a bouquet of flowers. “You scared the crap out of me.” She mumbles, holding a hand on her racing heart. “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry.” Carol sets the flowers next to Y/N’s key. “You gave me a key, so I wanted to surprise you. I didn’t remember you were working so late.” Her voice isn’t radiating the confidence it usually is. It’s softer and nervous.

The bouquet is big, it has more flowers Y/N has ever gotten before, and it’s wrapped with pink paper. “Thank you.” She smiles, picking up the bouquet and going to her so-called kitchen to put the flowers in a vase.

Carol follows her, staying close by, but still giving her space, she can see how tense Y/N’s body is. “Tough day at work?”

“Something like that.”

It turns quiet while Y/N fills a vase with water from the tap. The apartment doesn’t have any separate rooms besides the bathroom. All the kitchen appliances, a bed, small couch and a television are within reach of each other. It’s definitely not something Y/N wants to spend her whole life in, but she can survive in it, and that’s enough for now.

“How long were you waiting?” The vase gets set down to the single counter she has in the kitchen area.

Glancing at the clock, Carol hums. “Like, a couple of hours, maybe.”

“Carol,” Y/N sighs and rubs the space between her eyes, “you should’ve gone to sleep, don’t you need to be at the base tomorrow?”

“I took a day off.”

“Why would you do that?”

“To spend time with you.” The way Carol’s voice is so gentle makes Y/N want to cry after the day she has had.

Today’s shift felt ten times worse than any other shift in the past, it was full of drunk men and angry customers who genuinely believed in the fact that customer is always right, even when they aren’t. On top of that, her manager thinks the customers are more important than his employees, so he always found a way to satisfy the angry customers, which made them see Y/N as the bad guy.

“Hey,” Carol’s hands go to her cheeks, rubbing them softly, “why are you crying?”

“Sometimes I can’t handle it all.” She gets pulled into a warm embrace. “I was supposed to get out of here ages ago and see the world, but I just can’t get out of here.” Y/N sobs quietly, trying to hold herself back so she wouldn’t ruin Carol’s clothes with her tears and snot.

But Carol doesn’t care. One of her hands is rubbing Y/N’s back, while the other rests at the back of her head. She stays quiet, letting Y/N sob it all out in peace.

The two have been officially seeing each other for a while now. For the first year and a half they mostly danced around each other, both too anxious to make the first move in case they got the wrong impression, and the other person wasn’t interested in women after all. However, during that time, they became very close friends, so when Carol finally did do the first move—thanks to Maria—they moved forward pretty quickly.

Once Y/N tears start to subside, Carol whispers, “take a shower, I’ll make you a snack and ready your bed for us, okay?” Y/N nods, gives her a small peck to the cheek, and makes her way towards the bathroom.

Carol and Y/N are laying on top of each other on the bed as they watch a random movie that’s on one of the night channels. They should be asleep, but they really wanted to spend time with each other, as they don’t have a lot of opportunities to do so.

“Can i ask you something?” Y/N’s quiet voice almost goes past Carol.

“Yeah.”

“Why air force?”

“I’ve always wanted to fly.”

“Isn’t it scary?”

“No.” Carol smiles. She loves the feeling of being free in the air, having the possibility to go anywhere in the world she desires. Y/N hums quietly, not saying anything. “Why do you ask?” Carol tries to move her head in a way she’d be able to see Y/N’s face in the light coming from the television, while not disturbing her position on top of her.

“I just think it’s dangerous is all.”

“Are you worried about me?” She grins.

Y/N’s hand is resting under Carol’s shirt, tracing different shapes on her side. “Kind of hard not to be when i’m in love with you.” She whispers. The grin on Carol’s face falls at the words. She isn’t sure if she even heard her correctly, but she really hopes she did. Y/N moves her head up to see her. “I don’t want to lose you.”

The sentence assures Carol she heard correctly. “You won’t lose me, because I’ll always come back home to you. I love you.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

They kiss, both feeling the smiles on each other’s faces. Carol tightens her arms around Y/N as they pull away. She closes her eyes and listens to the soft sounds of Y/N’s breathing melting in with the sounds of the television, as they fall asleep.

1989

Y/N paces around her house, ruining her nails by biting them. Her eyes are locked on her phone. She is waiting for a call, from anyone, as long as someone calls her and tells her she is overthinking things, that Carol is okay. She has called Maria three times by now, and the air force base once, but none of the calls have been successful.

Carol was supposed to come over four hours ago, straight from work, but she hasn’t arrived yet, nor has she called Y/N to let her know she’ll be late, that’s what she usually does.

Groaning, Y/N picks up the phone and punches in Maria’s number, calling her again. “Come on, come on.” She mumbles, tapping her foot to the ground in a rapid pace. “Damn it!” The phone drops to the table with a crash, few plastic pieces flying off of it from the impact.

No one is answering.

She sits down to the couch, it creaks slightly every time someone moves on it, which had led to some uncomfortable make out sessions with Carol.

Most of her nails are already too short to bite, so she moves to the skin around her them, biting them until she bleeds. Her eyes are locked onto the muted television, desperately trying to distract herself from her thoughts. She is aware of her tendency to overthink and catastrophize things, she always thinks Carol is dead if she hasn’t called by the time she promised to, but that was never the actual situation. This is the same case. Carol isn’t dead, she just got caught up at the base. Nothing horrible has happened.

A knock on the door makes her body relax. Carol is finally here. She lets out a relieved laugh and goes to open the door, however, her face turns to a frown once she notices Maria standing behind it.

“Hey, where’s Carol?”

Maria looks tired. “Can I come inside?” As Y/N nods, she steps in and looks at the floor. “I think you should sit down.”

“Maria-“

“Please,” she looks up at her, “sit down.”

Y/N sits back down on the couch, while Maria stays standing up. She is gathering her thoughts while trying to take deep breaths. “Carol volunteered to pilot with Doctor Wendy Lawson on something important, and the plane, uhm..it-“

“Don’t you dare say it, Maria.” There are tears gathering in the corners of Y/N’s eyes. She knows where this is going, but she wishes she didn’t.

“The plane crashed.” Maria sits down next to Y/N when she starts properly crying. “They couldn’t find anyone, Carol is classified dead. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I wanted to come tell you because no one else would’ve.” No one else knows about their relationship.

Not being able to say anything, Y/N just leans against Maria, who has started crying as well. The person they both consider closest to them, is dead.

1995

It has been a week since Carol helped the Skrulls to get out of the Kree’s line of fire, which means it’s been a week since she got her memories back. Ever since then, only one thing has been in her mind, her lover.

It’s early morning as Carol and Maria drink coffee in the latter’s kitchen, Monica still sound asleep upstairs. “What happened with Y/N when I disappeared?” Carol asks, her voice quite hesitant.

Maria sets her cup down. “I’m not sure. She was obviously pretty devastated when I told her what had happened.”

“She doesn’t still work at Pancho’s, does she?”

“I don’t think so,” Maria frowns, “but Carol, I haven’t talked to her in a long time. She stopped answering my calls three years ago. I don’t know where she is, or how she’s doing.”

Sighing, Carol stands up. “I have to find her.”

Naturally, the first place Carol goes to is Y/N’s apartment, though she really hopes she won’t find her there, that she moved on and started travelling the world like she planned to.

She knocks on the door and waits. Nothing happens, so she knocks again, just in case. She’s almost ready to let out a sigh of relief, but soft sound of footsteps coming from inside the apartment stop her. As the steps grow closer, a small, selfish part of her wishes it’s Y/N who opens the door.

Somehow she feels more pain than relief when the door opens, and Y/N stands before her.

They stare at each other, both stunned by the sight in front of them. Y/N has bags under her eyes, and her hair is messy. She is wearing an old t-shirt that once belonged to Carol, her legs are bare.

She goes to slam the door closed, thinking she has finally gone mad, but Carol’s hand stops it from moving. “You aren’t real.” Y/N’s voice is shaky. Her eyes are closed, she doesn’t want to see the person standing in front of her, because it can’t possibly be Carol.

“I’m real.” Carol whispers, but Y/N only shakes her head as an answer. “I didn’t die, I was captured by Krees after we crashed.”

“You aren’t making any sense, you aren’t real.”

“Can you let me in, please?” Gently, Carol sets her hand on top of Y/N’s hand, that is still holding onto the door. The touch makes Y/N open her eyes, and turn them towards Carol. She stares at her for a long while before opening the door wider.

As Carol walks inside the familiar apartment, she looks around for any changes, but it looks exactly the same as it did six years ago. She hates it. While Carol walks deeper into the tiny apartment, Y/N stays by the front door. Her arms are crossed over her chest in a protective kind of way.

“You weren’t supposed to stay here.”

“I couldn’t leave y-“ she stops herself, “Carol.” She isn’t entirely sure if the woman in her house truly is her Carol. “What happened? Who are the Kree?”

“It’s a long story.” She has a gentle grin on her face, one that reminds Y/N so much of the way Carol used to look at her. “You might want to sit down for it.” Y/N shakes her head, staying right where she is. Carol frowns, but nods, sitting down to the couch. It still creaks anytime weight gets put on it. “Shorter version of it is: when we crashed, Dr. Lawson told me the truth about her mission before he was shot by a Kree. Before he could kill me too, I destroyed an engine, which made me absorb energy of a Tesseract, so the Kree took me with him to their planet Hala. I was integrated to their society, I had no memories of my human life. A bunch of years later, I crashed back to Earth, a lot of fighting happened, I discovered my true power and my memories, and helped the Skrulls.”

“I don’t know what any of that means.” Y/N whispers. Any time Carol used to talk about air force things with her, she felt dumb, but all of this is making her think they aren’t even speaking the same language anymore.

“I was in space, and I have powers now.”

“Like a superhero?”

Carol smiles, nodding. “Yeah, I’m a real life superhero now.”

“You already were a superhero in my eyes.”

Standing up, she takes a few tentative steps towards her. All she wants to do is hold her, kiss her, tell her she’ll never leave her again. But Carol can still see the hesitation in Y/N’s eyes, she can see the years of pain and exhaustion in her expression.

“But then you died.”

Carol stops. She’s close to Y/N, but too far away to touch her. Oh, how desperately she just wants to feel her soft skin under her palm again, even if the years without her have hardened it. “I’m here now.” She pleads with her eyes—please believe me.

“You won’t stay,” Y/N states quietly, “if you’re a hero now.”

“I can take you with me, wherever I go. I won’t leave you again. I’ll help you get out of this place.” Carol takes another few steps forward, reaching her hand towards Y/N. “Please give me another chance.”

Y/N stares at her hand. It’s more calloused than before, rougher. She grips the skin on top of her ribs tightly, trying to ground herself, she feels like ripping herself apart.

“Please.” Her voice cracks. Her eyes are wet with unshed tears. “I can’t live without you.”

Y/N grabs her hand with her own shaking one. Carol squeezes with a smile, pulling her close slow enough that Y/N can stop her if she wishes to. Once they are chest against chest, she pulls her into a full embrace. The waterworks start from the both of them the second they’re in each other’s arms. Carol letting out all of the pent up grief she wasn’t even aware she had, and Y/N still trying to grasp the reality of the situation.

“I missed you.” Y/N chokes out between her sobs. “I missed you so much.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Carol holds onto her girl so tightly, pressing her against her body like she’d disappear if she let go. “I’m going to show you the world now, because you deserve so much better than this place. I’ll never let you go.”

Although, Y/N doesn’t trust in promises anymore, some small part inside of her sparks hope, that she’ll truly never be separated from Carol again. She’ll even go all the to the stars for her if she has to.

[bartxnhood]

you belong with me | l.r.h

luke hemmings x fem!songwriter!reader

summary: after luke finds out just what your song was about, his life was flipped upside down.

warnings: unrequited love, break up, lots of crying, happy ending (who cheered)

wc: 6k

a/n: this is a part two to this so be sure to read that before !

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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you sigh as you put your earbuds in to tune out the sound of the man in the front seat belting the lyrics of ‘we belong together’ by mariah carey with the brunette in the passenger seat.

you couldn’t help but let your eyes linger on the man. his blond, curly hair, just long enough to rest above his eyes, the stubble on his face that hadn’t been shaven in at least two weeks, that pointy nose that was sculpted by the gods, and those ocean blue eyes.

you loved looking into those eyes.

he was your best friend, he was the one constant in your life and now he feels like a stranger.

you’re taken out of your trance when calum nudges your shoulder. “you okay?” he mouths. you nod quickly offering him a smile, looking back down to the book you were reading.

calum sighs, he reaches for his phone and types up a quick message.

-“you sure? you were staring again, y/n..”

-“i’m fine, cal. swear.”

calum huffs but leaves it at that. the two in the front continue belting out the lyrics and calum keeps an eye on you for the rest of the drive.

you should’ve said no, you wanted to say no and stay home where at least you’d be free of the torture. but, with calum being calum he begged you until you agreed. just like he did when he convinced you to open up for them on tour in the early days.

if you had said no then, maybe none of this would’ve happened.

”luke..i..” you wiped your eyes, it was so hard for you to hear that when you had spent all your life with him only to lose him in the end. “i’m sorry.”

luke shook his head, “no, i’m sorry.”

he stands there, looking at you with sorrowful eyes. he can feel himself tearing up but the moment is interrupted by sierra busting through the door. “there you are!” she says, walking over to your side, her hand finding your arm. “are you okay, hon?” her eyes soften, noticing your tears.

you don’t say anything but you nod, looking away while the girl side hugs you. “did luke bother you? i told him specifically to not take away your spotlight tonight” she says in a teasing matter and you laugh softly. but luke doesn’t seem too amused.

“okay, well the guys are ready so whenever you’re ready, luke” sierra says, removing herself from your side then going back inside the club.

“so, what should we do?” luke ask, watching as you wipe your eyes once more. you shrug, “nothing, you’re with sierra. my feelings mean nothing anymore.”

your eyes flutter open as you feel someone shaking you gently, “y/n, wake up we made it” you look at calum then begin stretching out as you look around. you see the tall palm trees as you can smell the breeze of saltwater wafting in from the open doors.

you step out of the vehicle and begin stretching while the others, ashton, michael, and crystal arrive in the other car as you gather your items from the backseat and pack them into your carry on, luke has already begun unpacking the car. “here’s your bags, y/n” he says, you don’t skip a beat to bend down to take your bags and head for the entrance of the beach house and not bat an eye at him.

calum and ashton shared a room, the two couples had their own room, so you were left alone. not that you minded at all, it gave you time to think and have you time. if it ever got too overwhelming, you had your own space.

after spending some time unpacking, you decided to head out of your room and put your toiletries in the bathroom. as you stepped out, you saw everyone gathered around the island in the kitchen, sierra jutting down whatever the other guys were saying. “oh! y/n!” ashton announces which then causes the others to look your way. “we’re making a grocery list. is there anything specific you need?” he adds.

you walk over to the island, standing across from them. “well, what do you have down so far?”

“we have breakfast foods…um some stuff for dinner for the nights we don’t eat out…snacks…” sierra begins listing off everything she had written down with a point of the pen.

“sounds like you got everything then” you hum, with a nod. “one more thing” she adds, “do you care to go with me?”

you look at the sierra across from you and smile softly, “sure. is crystal going too?” the brunette shakes her head, “her and mike went to the beach already. just us two” she smiles awkwardly. “oh, that’s fine. let me get changed and we can head out” you force a smile as you walk out of the kitchen to your bedroom.

the drive to the supermarket was quiet, your eyes glued to the road while sierra did whatever she was doing. given the circumstances, there was a little tension between the two of you and it was very hard for you to deal with.

you really liked sierra, she was a kind soul who saw the good in a lot of things. she had always been there to cheer you up, and you had considered her your best friend. but after that night at the open mic, everything changed.

the drive felt like it lasted forever, but eventually, you arrived at the supermarket.

pushing the shopping cart through the isles while sierra was looking at the list, you occasionally would drop some items in the basket that you wanted for yourself or, you and sierra both agreed on it.

“i really miss hanging out with you..” sierra says, standing at the end of the shopping cart in the drink aisle with you.

you look at her, smiling sadly. “i know, i miss it too. just..work has been..work” you try laughing it off. “i can help, you know. i write songs too” she says. you nod, dropping a case of wine in the cart. “i know, i just don’t want to bother you” you shrug, and begin pushing the cart until the next isle.

you hear sierra sigh, giving you the‘you sound ridiculous’. look. “y/n, it won't bother me! you’re my friend and i’d love to help out” you chuckle softly, “okay fine. after this trip we’ll work together.” you cave, and sierra claps her hands quietly with a big smile on her lips.

as the two of you stroll down the isle of chips and other snacks, your eyes catch the package of a certain snack you hadn’t seen in years. “oh my god!” you announce, letting go of the cart to pickup the bag. “what is it?” the other girl asks. “look” you say, showing the bag to her. “i haven’t seen these in years!”

memories wash over you like a wave as you stare at the packaging. “what are they?” she questions. “these are luke’s favorite! back on tour, we used to keep stashes of these in the bus” you laugh, grabbing an extra bag to also put it in the cart. “we could eat up to two or three bags in a day, the other guys would always get onto us..” you laugh, reminiscing.

“oh really?” sierra didn’t know this. she didn’t know his favorite snacks or drinks. she didn’t know how he would bounce his leg when he had a lyric on his mind and needed to write it down, she didn’t know that when he picked at his face subconsciously it meant he was worried. she didn’t know luke’s favorite movie, she didn’t know that he only wears certain rings, rings you got him. she didn’t know that when luke got quiet it meant he was thinking hard about something. she doesn’t know that luke keeps a song journal with some of his deepest feelings.

but you do.

you know all of this.

by the time you and sierra had arrived at the beach house, the sky was already turning dark. you had taken a couple of bags out of the back and began heading inside. “guys, we need help” you announce, dropping the bags on the kitchen counter.

you turn around see the other five standing up from their seats and going outside, and you follow suit.

it took you, sierra, and the other five to haul the rest of the groceries back inside and to unpack. but thankfully, it was only one trip.

while sierra was handing you boxes of cereal, luke hollered, “oh my god!” everyone whips their heads around, startled by his abrupt yell. “what is it?” ashton asks, and luke grinned holding up the bag of snacks before ripping into them letting the smell waft into his nostrils, letting the memories flood back. “it’s the snacks we used to eat!”

you smile, seeing his reaction as he reaches in for a handful, stuffing it in his mouth. “where did you find these? i thought they discontinued them!” he says with a mouth full.

you laugh, walking over and take a couple for yourself. “dont talk with your mouth full, and don’t eat em all because once that bag is gone, you’re donezo. the other one is mine” you taunt earning a frown the from curly-haired man.

sierra watches, she sees how his eye has lit up. she sees and you were suddenly beaming with happiness upon seeing lukes smile.

the next evening, everyone had wanted to go out to dinner to celebrate your second album as a release party. you, however, wanted to stay back as you weren't feeling it but ashton practically demanded and dragged you out of bed and told you to get ready. “okay, okay!! i’ll get ready..” you groan as ashton pushes you into the bathroom, you can hear a victory laugh from him as the door shuts.

you look up, seeing yourself in the mirror knowing you should be excited to go out and celebrate the release of your second album. you had a good following and people who were anticipating your release. but you just weren’t feeling it, probably because all of the songs were about your best friend.

but, you just weren’t looking forward to dinner or the release party.

you step out of your bedroom smoothing out your dress, which is a dark navy blue. you see everyone else standing in the kitchen or sitting on the sofa in their outfits. the guys in their suits, and crystal and sierra in a dress similar to yours, but crystals was red, and sierra was black.

“ready? oh? you’re matching with luke!” ashton laughs, as he stands up from the sofa, pointing to luke’s tie.

you look at luke’s tie, feeling extra awkward now, “oh..” you say. “you okay?” calum asks, “yup, everyone ready?” you change the subject, and they all nod and head out for the night.

all seven of you sat together at a large table at a nice restaurant, ashton and calum had planned it nicely and were sure that the table was in a private area.

you had already finished appetizers when michael spoke up. “do you remember when we first toured?” he asks.

“yeah..” calum and ashton say, you nod. “what was your favorite part of tour?” he asks. everyone falls silent while they think, “definitely all the drinking” calum answers, you laugh and shake your head, “you were a nightmare.”

“definitely” luke agrees with you.

“oh, soundchecks were fun. messing with managers” michael answers.

“i liked songwriting, i wrote some of my favorite songs on tour with you guys.” you smile, remembering all the good times. “performing was kinda cool too” you laugh.

everyone smiles, you hear calums ‘aw’ and you just roll your eyes.

“what about you, luke?” ashton asks.

luke thinks for a moment, but he isn’t too sure how to answer it. “i think i enjoyed performing the most, it was good experience.” michael nods, “true” he agrees.

then the table falls silent again when entrees arrive. everyone seems to be enjoying their food, until, crystal asks you, “y/n, who did you write your songs about?”

you look up from your plate, you feel your ears turning hot. you always hated this question because how could you tell them it was about the man who was sitting just a few feet from you?

“well..” you begin, finishing your bite. “it’s not really about anyone. it’s just a feeling you have” you try your best to come up with something believable. “that way, anyone can relate to what i release.” you smile, but you feel luke’s eyes lingering on your figure.

you look out of the corner of your eye and confirm your suspicions. he was looking at you.

“ah, that makes sense!” crystal smiles, “your work is incredible.”

“thank you, crys”

it was nearing midnight now, closer to your release time. instead of the restaurant you had moved to a club just a few streets over which was also set up for your release party.

ashton was by your side as you enter, letting the couples go in first, then you, ashton, and calum. you look around and see some old faces and friends.

“do you want anything?” calum asks as the two of you stand at the bar. you shake your head, “nah, i’ll pass” you smile while taking a seat at the bar. calum nods, respecting your wishes as he orders himself a drink. you sit there playing on your phone to pass the time until it hits midnight. throughout the night you have people coming up to you and congratulating you on your album, and you just smile and nod. soon enough, midnight rolls around and you hear cheers and ashton appears from what seems like thin air with a cake while congratulating you. you smile, standing up from the bar stool.

“congratulations on your album, y/n/n! we are so proud of you and we can’t wait to see where life takes you!” ashton says, you feel yourself getting emotional seeing all of your friends around you. “we love you!” you hear michael cheer which causes you to giggle before blowing out the candles.

as you leaned in to blow out the candles everything felt like it happened so quickly. a very, very drunk man showed up out of nowhere yelling profanities at your before pushing the cake on you. “and fuck you, you whore-“ he continued until a someone interfered. you see luke out of the corner of your eye, yelling at him to shut up and throwing a few punches in.

you didn’t move, feeling so embarrassed. you look down seeing all the cake on your skin and dress.

sierra and crystal rush to your side and take you away to the bathroom to get you cleaned up.

you were perched up on the counter, both sierra and crystal were trying their best to clean your dress and fix your makeup but you had already started crying.

“why would someone do that?” you ask, feeling so small.

“i don’t know, hon..” sierra sighs, as she wipes off the icing on your face. “people are just jerks..” crystals adds.

thankfully the cake didn’t get on your dress as much as it was on your face. the two other girls let you borrow their makeup once all of the cake was gone so you could try to enjoy the rest of your day.

“thank you guys, i don’t know what i would do you without you” you smile, hugging the two girls before heading back to the club floor.

you spot luke at the bar with michael and walk up, standing beside michael. you order yourself a shot of whatever came to mind first. “you’re drinking? i thought you hated it” michael asks, eyeing as you downed the shot.

“yeah, well, after the fiasco that just happened, i need to let loose for the night”

luke should’ve stopped you after your fifth shot, but he didn’t. he let you drink and he was now paying the price for doing so.

luke knew you better than anyone else, he knew you hated drinking because of the way it made you act and how you felt afterward.

he stares as you dance with an old friend and when he starts touching you a little too much, luke saw red.

he didn’t even realize what he was doing until you were yelling his name. he lets go of the guy and turns to you, “are you okay?” he asks. “luke?! what the fuck?!” you yell, stumbling back a little, and luke catches you. “you’re drunk” luke says, “obviously” you slur followed by a sigh as you finish the rest of your drink.

“okay, i think you’re done. we should head home” he suggested while taking your hand and leading you through the crowd of people to gather up the rest of your group.

you don’t protest, in fact, you are excited to head back home and sleep away the night and hopefully forget everything that happened.

the night has come to an end, and you all had finally returned to the beach house. the seven of you all sat around a bonfire talking about life and what they want in the future. you were seated a few feet from the group, admiring the stars, and how clearly you could see them.

the sudden hit of a soccer ball caught your attention and you followed the direction where the ball had rolled from and your eyes landed on calum and ashton. “cmon” calum says, extending his hand you want to say no because you can feel a headache forming, but calum beats you. “you can’t say no. get up”

you groan, letting him take your hand and drag you in the sand to kick the soccer ball around before all of you head in for the night.

luke didn’t know how long he was watching you. but what he did know, is just how bad he wished he was the one you making laugh like calum does. luke wants to be the one helping you from the sand like ashton does.

his body longs for your touch as his heart yearns for your love.

sierra watched as he was eyeing you, he looked at you like you were the only person in the world. he was starstruck when it came to you, his y/n. everyone saw it except maybe you, and himself.

he’d never admit it though, for the sake of sierra.

but what he didn’t know is that she knew she would never replace you in his heart. luke didn’t know she had already made up her mind about their relationship.

“luke..” she speaks up while leaning in, in hopes of getting his attention. luke is pulled out of whatever trance he was in and finally looks at the girl. “yeah?” he asks, looking as if he had just come off cloud nine after hearing your laugh. “we need to talk.”

luke nods, “is everything okay?” he asks, turning his body to fully face his girlfriend. as sierra is about to begin speaking she is interrupted by ashton, who had his arm around your shoulder. “you all coming?” luke’s eyes land on you, naturally. he sees that you didn’t even bother to look at him, he looked disappointed. “we’ll catch up later.”

luke watches as you disappear over the sand dunes and his eyes finally land on sierra. “what’s up?” he asks, noticing sierras blank expression.

she takes in a long breath, trying to find the right words without hurting his feelings. “i don’t think this is gonna work out.. between us” she confesses, feeling the tears threatening to spill in her eyes. “what..? why..?” asks luke.

“because you don’t love me.”

“what? sierra, i do-“

“no, luke” she cuts him off, smiling softly. “you don’t, and it’s okay.” she takes his hand and holds it softly. “i should’ve known i couldn’t take her place in your heart.�� “what..?”

“y/n.” sierra answers, fighting back the tears. “i see the way you look at her, you have that look in your eyes every time they land on her. you love her and you need to admit that to yourself.” and it was true, but luke had tried and thought that he had hid his feelings for you, but he was unsuccessful.

“i can’t be her, i can’t force you to love me, luke.”

“sierra..” he sighs, feeling ashamed.

“luke..look at me” she takes her hands, cupping his chin so he would look at her. “last night, when you came to her rescue i knew in that moment..”

“it’s okay, luke. we just aren’t meant to be. you deserve someone who can make you happy, and she does.”

her thumb caresses his cheek, admiring all of his beauty as a tear slips from her eyes. “i’m sorry that i can’t be the one in your heart.” she presses a kiss on his nose before standing up from her seat, leaving luke alone on the beach that night.

the next morning, your eyes are met with the excruciating pain in your temples as your eyes flutter open, meeting with the sunlight peaking in from the curtains. groaning, you throw your arm over your eyes to try to help with the light and you are reminded why you hated drinking so much.

you heard a few soft knocks at your door, “come in” you announce groggily. calum peeks his head in, “hey, we’re all heading out. you gonna join?” he asks. you remove your arm from your eyes and barely open them. you ask,“what time is it?” and calum laughs quietly . “it’s after five. you’ve slept most of the day.”

you sigh, “i’ll just stay back.” you answer and hear a quiet “okay” from calum as he exits your bedroom, closing the door behind him.

you lie there for a while before eventually getting up to shower, in hopes it would make you feel a little better.

meanwhile, the others had all gone out bowling per the request of michael and ashton even though it was pretty late in the day.

calum wanted to stay back, he hated the idea of going out without you because he knew how bad your hangovers could be but he went, not wanting ashton to third wheel alone.

when they arrived at the bowling alley, it was pretty busy, they found a lane and started a few games. but everyone seemed to be off, calum couldn’t put his finger on it, maybe it was the fact that you weren’t here, or the fact they were all still a tad hungover. so, with only a few games in, they all decided to leave and head back to the rental house to watch a movie and make dinner instead.

when they all arrive back, they do their own thing. crystal and michael head to the patio for a couple of drinks, ashton goes to the living room, calum makes a b-line to the kitchen, sierra goes to her bedroom, and luke attempts to look for you. hoping to clear the air between the two of you.

“wheres y/n?” luke asks, noticing the door to your bedroom was wide open and you were nowhere else to be found. ashton looks around, shrugging as he plops down on the sofa. “maybe she’s at the beach” the drummer suggests. “she didn’t text me.” calum announces from the kitchen, looking for some snacks. luke checks his phone, sending you a message but when you don’t reply he decides to look for you himself.

you sat on the beach, your feet in the cool sand while you were scribbling away in your journal, this whole trip you felt so trapped and so empty. feeling as if you had lost your best friend over something so stupid you tried to push away those feelings, but in doing so you were jeopardizing your friendship with luke and sierra. pushing them out of your life pretty much.

you were so engrossed with your writing, you didn’t even notice the tall blond heading your way.

“there you are!” he announces, jogging to your side. “i was looking everywhere for you!” you look up from your book, seeing luke and immediately shutting it. “well, you found me” you answer, a bit harsher. you hear a sigh from luke, “y/n, are we ever going to talk this out?” he asks, you stand up from the shore and dust the sand off of you. “there’s nothing to talk about, luke.”

actually, there was. you wanted to scream at him, you wanted to pour your heart out and tell him how much you loved him. how your heart aches for him, how your body yearns for his touch.

but you don’t, you simply begin walking off but he stops you. “y/n.” he reaches out and grabs your wrist gently.

“why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, and once you turn around he drops his arms to his side but his look is fierce. he was staring through you. “you left me in the dark, y/n..how was i supposed to know?”

you groan, letting your head fall back. “luke, i’m sorry. okay?” you raise your head and look at him. “and this isn’t all on me, either. you didn’t tell me your feelings either.”

“well who did you think all of those songs we wrote together were about?!” luke asks, raising his voice slightly.

“i don’t know luke! i was too worried that if i said something wrong or if i slipped up i would lose my best friend!” you tell, the pain filled your chest and you felt yourself explode like a shaken soda bottle.

“i was worried that if i made the impression that i even had the slightest crush on you, you’d leave me, luke. you were the one thing in my life that kept me grounded. you were my everything, you were the air in my lungs, my heart was beating for you. so, i’m sorry, luke that i maybe didn’t catch the hint. i was scared.”

luke blinks, his heart racing as you begin spilling out all your thoughts.

“why?” was all he asked.

“because i thought i wasn’t good enough for you, luke. i was never the pretty one, i wasn’t like the other girls. i was always the one who people settled for. and when sierra came into the picture, it was worse. when you started seeing her, i would see the way you looked at her. and it hurt me so bad, lu. because i wanted you to look at me like that, i want you to want me like you want her.” you didn’t even notice the tears flowing down your cheeks.

“what?” in an effort to understand what he had just heard, his blue eyes were filled with devastation . did you really mean what you said? “y/n…did you really feel like that? i made you feel like that?” he feels his heart breaking into small pieces. luke stares at you intently as you speak, he wants to reach out and wrap you in his arms. he wants to take away all your pain, he thinks it’s unfair you have been suffering all this time.

“you’re a rockstar, luke. of course i felt that way, i couldn’t compete with all the girls who threw themselves at you when we were on tour, and then when sierra came into the picture everything just shattered..” you wipe away the tears using the sleeves of your shirt. you had told yourself you didn’t want to break down in front of him like this, but it was inevitable.

you sigh, trying to compose yourself as luke takes a few steps closer, and when his hand touches yours, you feel the wave of sadness hit you again.

“i see the way she looks at you luke, she’s so in love with you and it kills me.” you feel the lump in your throat, and your lip quivers, but you continue. “i can’t stand to be around you two, but i can’t stand to be away from you, because i still love you so much, luke.”

his hand touches your cheek, his thumb wiping away the tears staining your cheek. for a moment, when you look at him you could only wish he was yours. you felt at home when touched you so gingerly, and how his ocean eyes looked over you like you were the only girl in the world.

your hand reaches up, takes his, and removes it from your face. “you two deserve to be together. she loves you luke, i can push my feelings down. i can’t do that to her.” you say, ready to act like this never happened and you would go back to how things were.

abruptly, luke speaks. “she broke up with me.”

your heart sinks, and you feel dizzy. were you hearing things? “what..?” you say, just above a whisper. “last night” he continues, sighing as he did.

“during the bonfire, i guess i..i was staring at you and she went on this rant about how she knows that i love you.” now, you see luke’s eyes brimming with tears. his voice wavers, he sniffles once trying to suppress the tears. “and she’s right, i do love you.” he admits. “luke..i..”

“no. please, just listen to me.” the blond cuts you off, his eyes closing as he takes a deep breath. “i can’t do this anymore, i can’t pretend to love someone else when im still so in love with you.”

luke continues, his hands balled by his side. “i feel so complete with you around, and i can’t take it when you act like we aren’t close. i can’t keep pretending.”

“you are my everything, and it hurts me that i can’t be with you.” his hand is over his heart, feeling the aching feeling he has been living with since that night. “i dream of you, all i do is dream of you. i can’t get you out of my head. so, please don’t push me away. let me love you.”

your mind was racing as you stared at him wide-eyed. unable to process the words he had uttered, “i can’t do this right now..” you take a few steps back, “just..” you shake your head leaving luke stranded on the beach.

luke watches your figure disappear. his chest tightens, thinking he had just lost you for good now. he thinks you blame yourself for his breakup. when you walk away he can’t help but think you hate him more than you already did.

luke sits down in the sand, facing the ocean now. he wants to scream at the horizon, he wants the world, the gods, the universe to know just how much he loves you.

he can’t bare the thought of losing you again.

luke has so much love for you, he knows everything about you. he wants to know the things that maybe you have kept hidden from him. he wants you to want him back. luke wants to make up for all of his mistakes, fix things, and give you the love you deserve.

but, if you don’t feel like that…he would have to respect your decision.

you enter the house, seeing ashton on the sofa with calum with a few beers in their hands. “oh, hey, there you are. luke went looking for you” calum says once you enter the door. “yeah, he found me” you say, setting your book on the table and scanning the room. “wheres sierra?” you ask, ashton looks up from his phone and says, “her bedroom, but she was acting kinda weird today..” you nod, “okay, thanks”

you stand in front of the door and mentally prepare yourself for possibly the worst fight you’d ever have. you knock a few times, “sierra?” you announce letting her know it was you. you heard a soft, “come in” and you twisted the door non letting yourself in.

you see her figure sitting on the twin bed closest to the window, you walk over to sit on the edge and that’s when you notice the tears staining her cheeks.

“sierra..” you say, as you look at her. but she smiles sadly, “i’m not mad at you, if that’s the reason your here” her voice was cracking and it was very obvious she had been crying for some time. “i..” you start, handing your head. “i’m so sorry.” you mutter, feeling your lip quiver.

you had been crying most of this trip. you wish you could just get a grip and stop acting so childish.

“stop..” she says reaching for your hand. “it’s okay, i knew. i’ve known it since the beginning. i knew what i was getting myself into. but…it still hurts.” you nod, wrapping your arms around her. “i never wanted this to happen.” you sigh, feeling her arms pat your back. “i know, i don’t blame you…” she says quietly. sierra knows she couldn’t take away what the two of you had. she had to be smart and realize if she continued the relationship she would only hurt herself in the future. she couldn’t lie to herself when the truth was right in front of her.

“y/n, what you two have is real. it’s more than what we had, i can’t pretend to be you and i can’t make him love me like he loves you. i want the both of you happy, and if me cutting things off with him i’ll do it.” she says, and pulls back to look at you. “you’re my best friend, i don’t want this to ruin us, okay?” she adds, and you nod. “did he tell you how he felt?” you nod again, a laugh escaping your lips. “andddd?” she drawls, smiling. “i left him on the beach”

“y/n!” she playfully hits your arm, “please, go get that man before you lose him again” she demands, pushing you off the bed. “go!” you laugh and exit the bedroom.

luke sits on the beach, watching the waves crash onto the sand. he wonders if he just lost everything in less than twenty-four hours. he wonders where he went wrong, how he let you slip away, why he wasn’t honest with you…or himself. luke is pissed at himself because maybe, just maybe, if he had been more open with his feelings and emotions maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

he is racking his brain for the right words to say to fix what he had messed up so badly.

“luke” you say, pulling him out of his deep thought. he looks up, his eyes landing on your figure. he feels a warmth in his chest, but he doesn’t get his hopes up. “you came back?”

you nod, as you sit down next to him. “of course, i did.” you say, looking out at the ocean.

“y/n, im sorry. i didn’t mean for all of that to just spill out, i-“ you turn to him, stopping him as he tried explaining himself. “dont” you shake your head.

“just hold me, please.”

time passed quicker than you wanted it to. you sit between luke’s legs, his arms wrapped around your waist and his head resting against your shoulders. you both wanted to watch the sunset since it was your last full night there. neither you nor luke said anything since you came back. you were simply just enjoying each other's company.

“lu?”

“hmm?”

“when did you realize you love me?”

luke thinks for a moment, he recalls the last show of their first headlining tour. he remembers the outfit you wore for your set and he remembers that in that moment is when he first realized his feelings for you.

“do you remember our first headlining tour?” you nod, your eyes still on the ocean. “i do..” luke smiles, “that’s when. i remember seeing your face on that stage and everything shifted..” he answered.

you smile to yourself, recalling that night. you were on cloud nine, you remember the hug and how much you loved being in luke’s arms, just like you were now. “you there?” he whispers. you nod, “i am. just..reminiscing.”

luke pulls you closer, and he squeezes you, afraid to lose you again. he traces soft circles on your arms as he gets lost in thought.

“you there?” you chuckle, and you feel him nod against your shoulder.

“i just��� i don’t want to lose you again. i don’t want to mess up this again. please let me make this right between us..” he says.

“lu, i love you. and that’s why i came back. i want us to work out…i want…us..” you speak quietly, the ocean crashing on the shore is in the background.

luke presses a kiss on your neck then, your cheek and finally, your lips. “i promise, y/n. i’ll give you the life you deserve and we will have the best years, together.”

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

ARAMINTA: Welcome to the first in a series of gardenside chats!

LILAC: (drily) Production really wanted to milk the whole ‘lilac’ and ‘mint’ thing. But yeah, hi.

ARAMINTA: These will occur after each round, and after any ‘significant’ event which merits a discussion. And neither will I be exempt. On that note, Lilac - I believe we’re starting with a query for me?

LILAC: Yep, you get to wet your wick on that one first. 

ARAMINTA: (...) 

LILAC: (grins to herself) If you weren’t in the competition, who would you want to win Mad About Dodo?

ARAMINTA: Sierra. Well, I think her scores speak for themselves. She’s positive and fun, and would have got along splendidly with the extended Harper clan - with family being very important to Dodo. Also, she is a very dear friend. I could have eventually come to be happy for them both.

LILAC: We like Sierra Mitchell in this house. And if you could pick someone to not win?

ARAMINTA: Hmm. I’m not sure that I feel comfortable answering this question. Still, during the show I’ll be asking our contestants - and you - to be very honest. It would be hypocritical if I weren’t the same.

LILAC: And you learn a lot about who people are when you ask the uncomfortable questions too. So, who?

ARAMINTA: In terms of people who made it to the final round? (after a pause) If I had to choose someone: Shay.

LILAC: Why Shay?

ARAMINTA: I… never actually had the pleasure of being in a household with her, but in retrospect I didn’t like how she interrupted others while they were flirting with Dodo. Possibly this is simply due to my background as a competitive equestrian - and to my upbringing - but I didn’t think that was very fair or sporting on her part.

LILAC: I see. And likewise you didn’t think it was ‘very fair or sporting’ on Orlando's part either?

ARAMINTA: I, well…

LILAC: I mean, I could say that Shay was just doing her job. And that you and anyone else could have done the same.

ARAMINTA: I actually couldn’t have, I don’t think. But that is fair. 

LILAC: Her job was to win the competition, and Dodo’s was to give everyone a chance. He could have stopped the interruptions and said “I’m getting to know this person right now, I’ll catch up with you later?”

ARAMINTA: You are right. I… suppose that even now, I can’t imagine myself as having the confidence to do that. So perhaps that has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. My apologies, Shay.

LILAC: And we don’t even know if that’s why she was interrupting people. But yeah, we often seem to find fault with people according to our own perceived weaknesses. Anyway. The only reason why I wouldn’t have wanted Shay to win was if she didn’t, I could still get her number (winks).

ARAMINTA: (giggles) She is very pretty. Speaking of ‘pretty,’ if you could go on a date with any of the Mad About Dodo contestants, who would they have been?

LILAC: Well, Shay. I like her vibe. Val for the same reason.

ARAMINTA: It was so funny how she didn’t hide being unamused by Dodo’s jokes.

LILAC: Funny - and an indication of good taste (grins). Ariah because of her creativity and interest in sustainability. Also, I have eyes. And Robin. He’s my brother in ink (nods towards her shoulder tattoo) and I like a humble intellectual.

ARAMINTA: A humble intellectual? So no Dr Roder then? (looks shocked at her own joke) I��m sorry, that was uncalled for.

LILAC: Oh, c’mon! You’re way more fun when you’re not trying to be Ms. Perfect. (turns to cameras) Who else wants a ‘Reads With Araminta’ series?

ARAMINTA: (quickly) Any other contestants?

LILAC: Theo - she was such a baddie. Hassan and Paradise. As a freegan, I like a two-for-one deal (winks). And pretty much anyone else who was there out of good faith. Ava is free to black-widow challenge Vlad outside of this save file.

ARAMINTA: I hope that no one dies during this save file.

LILAC: Yeah, that must have been rough. But we’ll be in a safer setting than on a deserted island - well, most of the time anyway. And the Watcher will just de-deadify someone off-screen, if it does happen, and we can’t persuade Grim to spare them. But I can be very persuasive. 

ARAMINTA: That she can! Earlier she almost talked Agnes into giving her a discount!

LILAC: My biggest achievement in life, yeah. And not to downplay what Bo and the rest of your household went through, but he did get brought back to life in the end. How’s he doing these days?

ARAMINTA: Very well, actually! He owns a house now, and he - well, it’s not my place to reveal his personal business, but he’s happy (beams).

LILAC: If anyone deserved a happy ending on that show, it was him. So that’s great.

ARAMINTA: What can we look forward to for this show?

LILAC: ‘Looking forward to’ is probably a better description for the Watchers and other viewers, but yeah. We’ll have some fun. Skill building will be a component of this, and there will be mini competitions where the winner gets a date with the infamous Leo Harper-

ARAMINTA: (wrinkles nose) They do not get a date with the infamous Leo Harper.

LILAC: Yeah, actually no. But they get to spend some one-on-one time with me, and an opportunity to rack up those sweet sweet friendship and romance points. And as Araminta can tell you, any solo date is a great chance to ‘wow-wow’ the bachelor-

ARAMINTA: And that’s all we have time for today! Tune in next time to find out more how the introductory round will work, and a feature with one of the fashion houses that will be sponsoring our outfits during the show.

LILAC: Bitch, we had more time than that. You so owe me details on that one...

hope your sims ears weren't burning too hard:

@akitasimblr @tipsy-clouds @changingplumbob @enchanting-whim @linalinsims

@theosconfessions @whyeverr @westonsims00 @riverofjazzsims @invisiblequeen

@ravingsockmonkey

[aestheticaltcow]

Wedding of the Year

Sierra and Carmy are getting married, and you and Richie play important roles in the ceremony. Of course, the two of you will find some time for some fun.

MDNI 18+

Previous Part

The Bear Masterlist

“It’s so pretty! He has surprisingly good taste,” you gushed as Sierra showed you the shiny platinum emerald-cut moissanite ring with small pearl details on both sides, creating a unique yet classic three-stone ring.

“I don’t think he picked it out himself, but I do love it- and him.” she smiled as she ran her thumb across the stones. “And now you have something to fidget with.” you cracked, elbowing her before you hopped down from the low brick wall the two of you had been sitting on during her lunch break from the hospital. Sierra rolled her eyes, “Downside, Dr. Dunlap is being a booty hole about me ‘being engaged to her ex’, like girl- he never even referred to you as his girlfriend. Pull the stick out of your butt, and let me be happy and in love.” 

You shrugged, “Well, I should probably get back to work. See you tomorrow night for dinner with your fiance.” you teased slightly. Sierra laughed and nodded, “Hey, Y/N, just to let you know… Richie is gonna be there. If we do a traditional wedding, Carmy wants him to be his best man… obviously you’re my maid of honor. It’s not gonna be like weird or anything, right?” 

You shook your head, “Sierra, I couldn’t care less about what that man thinks of me. He called me a whore like six months ago; it’s ancient fuckin’ history.”

Sierra shot you a concerned look. The shitty part about being twins was the fact she always knew when you were lying, even if you didn’t know it yourself. It had hurt when Richie called you out six months ago, and you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t something you’d thought about periodically here and there, but you’d do anything to make Sierra happy. She was your big sister- by 17 minutes- after all, and if that meant dealing with Richie for a few hours every so often, all be it.

~

Richie was frustrated about needing to go to your apartment that evening. Since he confronted you, he’s successfully avoided you like the plague, but when Carmy told him he proposed to Sierra, and she’d said ‘yes’, he knew he’d have to deal with you again at one point. “Let’s get this over with…” Richie mumbled to himself as he knocked on the door to your apartment. When you opened the door, you stood in awkward silence before moving to the side to allow Richie into your place. 

“Sorry about the mess.” you half-heartedly apologized as Richie removed his jacket and threw it on a small kitchen table separating the main room of your apartment and the open kitchen area. You crossed your arms over your chest as Richie looked around your apartment, “You have a Master’s degree?” he asked aloud as you moved toward your well-loved red couch. You nodded, “I’m working on my PhD in microbiology. I teach at The University of Chicago.” 

“That’s pretty badass… women in STEM and shit…” Richie awkwardly stammered as he noticed the pictures on the walls. He assumed some were science-related as they were rounded images of what he imagined were cells or something. He smiled when he noticed a picture of you and Sierra from what he presumed was high school or college graduation.

“Thanks. I’ve been told it’s impressive- but I’m also just a slut.” you rolled your eyes and moved to sit on the couch. You brought a box up from under the coffee table and waited for Richie to sit beside you.

“For what it counts- I’m sorry for calling you a slut. I have a daughter, and I-” You cut Richie off with a blunt scoff. “Fuck off with the pseudo feminism Richard. Let’s just go through these pictures and be pleasant for the sake of Sierra and Carmy.” 

Richie sighed, “Okay.”

Neither of you was sure how you’d gotten into this predicament. You’d gone from being at each other’s throats and looking through Sierra-provided/approved photos for some wedding slideshow to Richie being in your throat. Now you were laid back on the couch while Richie ran his tongue through your velvety folds. You pulled at the little hair he had as one of his slender fingers slipped inside of you, brushing places you could only dream of getting by yourself. You mewled at the sensation, bucking your hips against his mouth, desperate for more. Richie suckled at your clit, savoring the taste of your fluids. 

“F-fuck!” you exhaled as your legs shook as your orgasm had finally peaked. Richie hummed against your upper thigh before gently biting the sensitive skin just hard enough to leave a slight bruise. With that, Richie sat on your couch as you panted, attempting to catch your breath. He chuckled as he ran his hands over his mouth, wiping away the evidence of what he’d done. You moved to sit up and looked over at Richie, lustfully ready for round two, especially after noticing the lump in his boxer briefs. “Let’s go back to my room?” you whispered as you moved to rest your hand on his thigh.

Richie wanted to say ‘yes’, but when he looked at the clock, he remembered the babysitter was only booked until 10:30. He groaned and placed his hand over yours, “I want to, I really fuckin’ want to, but I gotta get home to my kid.” 

You frowned but nodded reluctantly, “It's okay.” 

~

Richie wanted you. He watched as you stood in a circle with some of the other bride’s maids; he breathed deeply as you brought your vape to your lips. Seeing your lips wrap around anything was getting him hot. “You okay there, Richie?” Pete bantered as he stood before Richie with one hand in his pocket and a cocktail in the other. Richie tilted his head to the side and waved off the man so he could continue staring at you, “Go for it.” Pete commented as he looked over his shoulder to see Richie had been starring at you. “You and Carmy could be brother-in-laws.”

You were talking to a group of your and Sierra’s high school friends when you felt a hand on your lower back. “Hey,” Richie greeted you warmly. You smiled in his direction and noticed one of your friends nudge the other before walking away. “Scarin’ my friends away old man.” you playfully teased as you turned to face Richie. 

“You look pretty…my kid is at her Mom’s place.” 

You clicked your tongue, “I don’t know Richie. Turns out Carmy has some REALLY hot friends… you’re not my only option.” 

Richie chuckled as he looked around the room, “Baby girl… they won’t fuck you right. Don’t you want a real man?” 

You felt your cheeks heat up as Richie’s hand got closer to your ass cheek, “You’re not wearin’ panties…” Richie mumbled into your ear. You playfully hit his chest, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” you teased. 

“Prove me wrong, Y/N.”

You looked around the room and ensured your parents were occupied before looping your finger around Richie’s belt, “Meet me in the bathroom…”

~

“Fuck your-” Richie grunted as he continued to thrust his hip into you, “your pussy’s fuckin’ perfect.” you met his compliment with soft mewls as your head bumped against the wall of the bathroom stall. Your dress was hiked up above your hips. Richie squeezed your thigh, pulling it up over his hips as he fucked you against the wall. You sank your nails into his neck as you felt the knot in your stomach tighten. “Feel good, baby? Cum on my fuckin’ cock.” 

“Mmm, yes, Daddy.” you whimpered as his thrusts started to get sloppier and shorter—the bathroom filled with the sounds of slapping skin and both of your moans. “I’m gonna cum- uh fuckfuckfuck!”

You stood in front of the bathroom mirror fixing your lipstick as Richie zipped his pants and wiped his brow. “Wanna come over tonight?” he asked as you moved to fix your hair, you shrugged. Richie groaned, “Y/N, come on.” he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the bottom of your stomach and leaned against your back resting his chin on your shoulder. “How bout I take you out for dinner some time?” he offered moving to kiss your jaw. You giggled and put your hands over his, “When?” you quiered putting your head back against his shoulder as he moved to pepper soft open mouth kisses on your neck. 

“Whenever you’re free.” 

[mrsalejandro]

Cody Headcanons Pt.1

• I 100% agree with the headcanon of him being bisexual so I’m putting that here.

• He/Him pronouns

• Cody owns a few t-shirts of goth bands but can at most name 1 or 2 songs

• He’s a fan of Weezer, One Direction, Imagine Dragons, Jonas Brothers, etc

• Cody also likes Maroon 5 and The Smiths since Trent introduced him to those

• Gwen introduced Cody to some goth songs and bands too

• Cody is still terrified of Sierra, is in the process of getting some kind of restraining order

• Cody has mostly moved on from Gwen and the two remain friends

• Trent is fine with him liking Gwen, he’s still grateful that Cody backed off temporarily so the two could be happy.

• His main fashion is t-shirts of artists/bands he likes, collared sweaters, jeans (not baggy or tight, just normal sized ones), and sometimes just plain hoodies.

• Keeps his prized possessions locked in a vault

• Sometimes vents to Heather or anyone else about Sierra, at times even without asking but he doesn’t really notice.

• He wouldn’t be caught dead in anything “girly”, he likes to consider himself more masculine

• Got bullied in school for things like his tooth gap, his height, being nerdy, etc. Never anything physical luckily but still.

• Eventually he learned not to let it bother him and he’s pretty confident in himself.

• However he’s not the greatest defending himself when something does happen but he’s not some small child who “needs to be protected at all costs🥺”

• He wants to grow out a bit of facial hair (not a full grown beard but just something on his face) but he didn’t start to get it until later than most people and when he did- it grows insanely slow.

• Learned to be independent at an early age

• Loved fruit roll ups as a kid and still does

• Fell for the i-cup thing

• probably collected action figures or pins

• owns a sports jersey but doesn’t care too much for it, only really watches when it’s with friends

• owns a DS, a Wii, and maybe had a game boy too?

• He can sing some pretty high-ish notes, his singing improved throughout the years

• was NOT a planned child

• third wheels Aleheather sometimes, Alejandro finds him annoying sometimes during dates.

• short attention span

• gets bored easily

• He despised Gwuncan since he knew how Duncan was and was worried about Gwen. He knew their relationship was gonna go downhill and leave Gwen hurt but unfortunately he couldn’t do anything about it. That’s kinda why he was more okay with Gwent since he knew Trent was a chill guy and wasn’t gonna treat her like trash.

• He hates being babied or feminized- it’s insulting and genuinely makes him uncomfortable

• he’s probably gonna be stuck single for life but he has his friends and stuff to be around so it’s fine he’s not lonely

[nerdieforpedro]

WIP Wednesday

Nerdie has WIPs!!! What else is new! 🤭 I dropped a modern Din and Benny series yesterday. There’s an Ezra interlude today. I’m also starting a Frankie Series because I didn’t like my old one and I had a spark of inspiration (THOTS) thanks to @rhoorl and @mysterious-moonstruck-musings ❤️❤️

Feel free to send me asks or comment with questions. ☺️

WIP one: Chapter two of “This is the Neighborhood Din.”

“I’m Din. Your aunt, Ms. Harris has been so welcoming to me and my son Grogu. It’s our first day here. Pleasure to meet you Sierra.”

He is taller and broader up close and his hands are….this man appears to be massive in every sense. Even his voice feels like it’s wrapping around me. Am I okay? My shorts are halfway in my crotch and I know my eyes are puffy and red along with my entire face. This is one of the days, I wish I had more melanin so everything from earlier in the day wouldn’t be on my damn face.

FYI for chapter two, pay special attention to the warnings! Some will be in bold.

WIP two: Chapter 5 of “Weddings 101 with Dieter”

“You know damn well I’m not. Dieter, can we move to the bed now?” Feeling the rumble both in his chest and against her skin as he released a purr from her touch, she gasped.

“Give me one more thing.” He whispered as he tugged her dress down and moved the both of them forward toward the mirror only a few feet away, “Well, two things.” Dieter crouched down and slowly peeled her panties down.

Finally I had inspiration for this! Special thanks to @angelofsmalldeath-codeine 💕 She knows 😘

WIP three: Section one of “Only Parts of you Mr. Morales.” (I guess I’ll call them sections? I didn’t number them. 😋 They’ll be ficlets, I think.)

While skillfully using his fingers inside of her core, the index finger of his opposite hand is in her oral sleeve for her to suck on. His thick digit is on her tongue, so she does what he wants and closes her lips around it. Frankie’s finger presses on her tongue while she takes it deeper along with a second finger. Whimpering after his fingers finish with her folds and wet canal.

Mysty and Jess, I used the special term. 😉

So…thanks happened. Thots happened. Nerdie happened. This is what we have. 👀

I’m just happy to write for Frankie again. 🥰

NPT: @megamindsecretlair @alltheglitterandtheroar @morallyinept @undercoverpena-fics @pedroshotwifey @perotovar @legendary-pink-dot @for-a-longlongtime @avastrasposts @goodwithcheese @secretelephanttattoo @maggiemayhemnj @connectioneverywhere @yourcoolauntie @tinytinymenace @musings-of-a-rose @i-own-loki @wannab-urs @fhatbhabie @grogusmum @magpiepills @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @paulmescal-s @laurfilijames @gwendibleywrites @trulybetty @soft-girl-musings @soft-persephone @604to647 @syd-djarin @schnarfer

[almostgenerallyalways]

where the wild things are (part 2)

Pt 2/?   - part 1 here Pairing: Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw x fem reader Category: angst / light smut (>18!) / eventual happiness Word count: 2,7K CW: language, grief

Two years ago, your sister’s death left a smoking crater in your life, leaving you to take care of your niece. Bradley has lived with loss his whole life, and is in a bad spot on the anniversary of his mother’s death.

Or: there is a crack in everything / that is how the light gets in

Six weeks later Bradley finds himself at Target early one Saturday morning, listlessly looking at socks (keeping on, his mom used to call this, on mornings where she’d throw open the windows to the Tierrasanta house, blasting Aerosmith or Tina Turner to silence the ghosts clinging to the walls, though he personally prefers operating on auto-pilot to think of the state he’s been in for the last few weeks), when a little girl rounds the corner of the aisle at full speed and crashes right into his left knee.

“Oh, shit!” He says, before he can think better of it, but upon impact the child has immediately started wailing so loud that she can’t possibly have heard him.

He drops his red plastic basket to the floor and kneels, helping her sit up. At first glance, there’s no sign of injury, and he breathes a sigh of relief.

“Hey, princess, are you okay?” he asks, quickly looking over her head for bumps. She can’t be more than four or five, but she has a set of lungs on her like a much older kid.

Bradley doesn’t know a lot about kids, but he thinks this one may be more shocked than hurt. Already the heaving sobs are slowing down, and she looks up at him with something of curiosity.

“Where are your parents?” He looks over his shoulder, down the aisle, searching for a frazzled mom or dad, or at least an employee bearing a red polo shirt. It’s before nine-thirty, early enough that the store isn’t crowded yet, and the speckled grey linoleum tiles stretch empty as far as he can see.

“Sierra!” He hears a frantic voice exclaim, before a woman appears around the corner, clearly distressed. “Sierra, what the –”

He sees you still, recognizing you at the exact moment you do him.

“Oh, shit,” He says again, and Sierra’s definitely heard him this time.

* * *

You rush over to kneel down beside the little girl before him, gathering her up: “Baby, are you okay? I’ve told you a million times not to run off like that.”

Bradley watches you run your hands over the little girl’s head, down her shoulders, and a comprehension dawns over him that makes his stomach coil.

Having established that she’s not hurt, you look over at him with wide eyes: “Bradley. I’m sorry.”

What you’re apologising for exactly, he’s not sure, but it brings him back to the morning after you met: waking up to his empty bed, and the gut-punch of disappointment it had been. It’s not like he’d never done it – quietly gathering up his clothes from the floor of some conquest’s bedroom before any further entanglement could ensue was something of a modus operandi for him, he can admit that – but that night had felt different to him, had felt real. He remembers the way your fingertips on his bare skin had brought heat to the surface, and incited a pull deep in his stomach he couldn’t quite put a name to. You’d made him laugh and you’d dulled the heavy, hollow feeling he’s gotten used to carrying everywhere, lately, the weight around his neck lessening with every kiss you’d pressed to his overheated skin.

And then he’d woken up alone.

And here’s the reason, he thinks, the sinking feeling in his gut rapidly accelerating. He gets to his feet, anger bubbling up in his chest: “What is going on here? Are you married?”

You get to your feet too, the little girl now clinging to your leg (you look beautiful, he can’t help but think: wearing leggings, a jean jacket and a faded baseball cap. No trace of the dressed-up glamour from the night you met, and all the more endearing to him for it), your eyes growing wide: “No!”  

He continues, crossing his arms: “Because I’m not that kind of guy, if you’re wi-”

You cut him off with a hand on his wrist, and he stills immediately.

Truth is, he’d hoped, and what is as dangerous as that? He’d taken you home, had been entranced by you. He’d slept with you and it had felt right, he feels fucking stupid thinking it but it had, and he’d fallen asleep tangled up in you and had felt, for some stupid reason, safe.

And then when he’d woken up, you’d disappeared.

He shrugs off your hand, straightening himself to his full height, and looks down the harshly lit aisle. “Right, I guess I’ll –”

“Bradley,” You say softly, and he looks back down. You’ve picked the little girl up off the floor, holding her on your hip now, and she looks up at him with eyes that resemble yours, and he feels his chest constrict.

You bite your lip. “I owe you an apology. But can we have this conversation somewhere other than the sock aisle?"

* * *

You commandeer a small table outside the adjacent Starbucks, which has a view over a thin stretch of arid plants interspersed with a few palm trees, immediately followed by the parking lot. Behind it, Saturday morning traffic is swelling over the Mission Valley Freeway.

Giving Sierra a book from your bag and some water, you look her over once more to make sure she’s okay. She’s been on a wild streak lately, slipping away from you when you least expect it, no matter how vigilant you are. You try hard not to consider it as another one of your failings as a parent, but it’s getting difficult.

Right now, though, she is surprisingly compliant, settling down into the metal chair with her legs crossed, already engrossed in her picture book. You suspect it has everything to do with the man currently pulling back the chair next to you.

Just a second too slow, you realise that he’s pulled the chair out for you. “Oh. Thanks.”

You sit down, and he mirrors you.

You’d forgotten how handsome he was, or really you’d tried not to think about him at all. He’s dressed differently, on a Saturday morning: shorts and a worn raglan tee, sunglasses hooked into the neckline. He leans forward, elbows on his knees, lightly bouncing the right one, and you don’t really know how to take it.

“I’m sorry I just left,” You say, not sure where to start. “I had a great night with you, and then… It was a cowardly thing to do.”

He scratches the back of his neck. “I’d like to play it cool and say it didn’t bother me. But I don’t know, I kinda thought we hit it off.”

“We did,” You sigh, glancing at Sierra. Truth is, it had scared you, how easy everything had felt with him: The conversation at the bar never running dry, the way he’d kissed you (outside, you blaming the rapidly cooling night air for the goosebumps on your skin), the way he’d whispered into your skin, in his bed, clutching your hips as he buried his face into your neck, setting every nerve in your body alight.

You’d been fooling yourself, because things weren’t easy, were they?

“This is going to sound like a huge cliché, but… I never do things like that. Anymore, at least.” You can’t meet his eye, staring instead at a crack in the pavement where dry weeds poke through, trying to grow against the odds. The previous time you’d had sex at all, you recall, was with your ex-boyfriend, who’d dumped you three weeks into grieving your sister. Who, when you’d still been reeling from it, the sound of the impact still hissing in your ears, had sent you a text: It seems like you have a lot going on right now. Maybe we should hit pause on this until you get back to Boston.

You look at him finally, cringing at yourself. “I thought I could be selfish for a night. And after you fell asleep, reality hit me and I couldn’t face trying to explain that I… can’t get involved with anyone. Maybe that’s presumptuous, or maybe I shouldn’t have gone home with you in the first place. I’m sorry.”

Bradley looks down at his well-worn pair of running shoes, not meeting your eyes. “Oh. I see.”

Maybe it’s the fact that Sierra was up half the night, and so you barely got any sleep. Maybe it’s the undeniable fact that sitting across from Bradley again has an effect on you – the way his jaw works, the subtle smell of his aftershave. That stern set of his brow, a premature groove indicating he may spend too much time wearing that expression.

The sober, aggressively sunny reality of the Mission Valley Target parking lot isn’t enough to fully dispel the pull you felt towards him.

You hesitate. Sierra is the most guarded part of your heart, but you feel you owe Bradley an explanation. Glancing over at her, you see she’s in her own little world, absorbed in her favorite book. You take a deep breath.

“Two years ago, my sister died.”

Bradley’s head shoots up, at that, and his brown eyes rest on you.

You look down, smoothing your hands over your thighs, bracing yourself because you will not cry before 10 AM. “It was stupid. She went in for routine surgery. One in a million.”

Thinking back to that phone call always pulls you back under, and you have to make an effort to keep your voice even. “I was living in Boston at the time, and the entire flight back here I…” You shake your head, ousting the memory of the worst six hours of your life, when you’d tried to bargain with a God you’d never believed in, when you hadn’t been physically confronted yet with the cold, hard reality you knew awaited you after landing. “Anyway. Sierra has been with me since.”

The man across from you nods, hands still clasped together by his knees. “I’m sorry I assumed… I just saw you, and she looks so much -”

You cut him off. “I’m sorry I didn’t just tell you. It’s hard to talk about, sometimes, and at Callie’s party…” You pause, trying to sort through your thoughts as cars slowly roll by a short distance away, looking for parking, families transferring their weekend shopping into the trunks of their cars.

“I don’t go out much, anymore. My dad’s not in great health, and my mom takes care of him, so they can’t take care of Sierra. I take on extra billing hours all the time to make ends meet. There’s a medical malpractice suit and the lawyer fees are horrendous, and it’s so painful to keep dragging it out, but I have to pursue it if I want any chance of sending Sierra to college. It’s just a lot, all the time.” You take another deep breath. “I guess I wanted to feel like my old self for a night.”

You look up, feeling your eyes tear up. “I’m sorry. You must think I’m crazy, I just wanted to explain-”

To your surprise, he takes your hand in his. It dwarfs yours, and the feeling of his rough palm on your skin grounds you. “Hey. It’s okay.”

* * *

Hangman has been trying to reach him for two weeks, but this time, when his Bagman moniker flashes up the screen of his phone just as Bradley pulls his truck into his driveway, he picks up.

“Bradshaw.” Hangman is, of course, already coming in hot. “So you do still know how to answer the phone. What gives, man? If it wasn’t for Penny telling me you were still coming to the bar, I might’ve thought you’d burned in.”

Bradley makes a mental note to skip the Hard Deck’s tip jar, next time.

“Been busy, Bagman. I know you’re living it up there on Oahu, but some of us still have work to do.”

“Fuck you, Bradshaw,” The other man says good-naturedly. “Just wanted to make sure you’re not moping around too much.”

Bradley sighs. Since the uranium mission last year, the relationship between Hangman and him has changed, into something that may be the kind of friendship you can only have with someone who saved you and your kind-of-estranged, kind-of-uncle’s life while also still being annoying as shit. Bradley has spent over a year unlearning the decade-long honed itch to punch Hangman in the face, only to find Jake Seresin to be… a good man. A thoughtful friend. A tenacious friend who will keep calling when you’re pointedly ignoring anyone’s attempts to get in touch with you.

“How’s Vanny?” He asks, knowing Jake will tell him anyway, because he can’t not talk about his girlfriend. Meeting the younger aviator changed his friend, sanded down some of his rougher edges.

“She’s great. Getting her double stripes next week. She’s been asking about you.”

Bradley grabs his gym bag from in front of the passenger seat (he never did get any new socks), clutching the phone between his ear and shoulder as he slams the door shut. “I’m fine. Tell her that.”

He hears Hangman inhale on the other end of the line. “Fine. Okay. Where does that fall on a scale of, say, zero to going to the gym at three AM and dodging Penny’s invitations to dinner?”

Unlocking his front door, Bradley sighs again. One thing about Seresin is, he’s extremely perceptive, and once he’s zeroed in on something he will not let it go. It’s infuriating, but on some level, Bradley knows he should be thankful for it. “Let’s say a four, okay?”

Sometimes he thinks about the crash that nearly cost him an eye, and left him with the scars on his face, and wonders what his mother would’ve said, is almost glad she wasn’t around anymore to get that call (Ice got it, instead). Just last year he and Mav went down in enemy territory, and the moment he turned the yoke around he’d been sure he was signing his own death warrant, and still he couldn’t have made any other decision.

“Alright, man.” Jake knows which boundaries not to cross, as well, when to respect the territorial integrity of Bradley’s defenses. “I’ll take a four. If you feel like a change of air, you know you’re welcome in Hawaii any time, right? We’re probably getting our assignment here extended until at least the end of the year.”

“Appreciate it, Bagman.”

Goodbyes exchanged, he hangs up and steps out of his running shoes in the hall, dropping his gym bag on the floor. He stands there, for a minute, letting the cool air of the dark entryway hit his skin, a welcome contrast to the day’s accumulating heat outside, and closes his eyes.

He’d taken your hand, and you’d both sat there for a minute, the dry breeze across the parking lot carrying with it the fumes of traffic crossing the freeway, mingling with the smells of tacos and ceviche from a food truck preparing for the lunch rush, until Sierra had gotten impatient and started trying to get your attention, dropping her book to the floor.

“We should go,” You’d said, inclining your head to the girl, who’d seemed not to be holding her earlier run-in with Bradley against him, grabbing at his sleeve as he’d gotten up to retrieve the book off the ground.

Picking it up, he’d frozen.

It was a newer edition, but the design had been familiar, the cover picture immediately calling him back to his mom reading to him at night, pitching her voice low and high at intervals to emulate all manner of different monsters, Bradley exclaiming at every turn in the story as if he couldn’t recite it by heart, as if they hadn’t read this story together a million times over since Goose had been killed.

“Where the Wild Things Are”, he’d said, a little hoarsely.

“Yeah,” You’d smiled, somewhat watery still. “It’s her favorite.”

Something like resolve had settled in Bradley’s stomach, then.

Phone still in his hand, he swipes the lock screen and scrolls down from Hangman’s name to the newest entry, freshly saved under his contacts as Paloma, dove emoji, and hits call.

 .

.

.

  Authors note: soooo pt 1 of this didn’t gather much interest but I have the rest of the story loosely plotted out and i’m enjoying writing it (ask me if i’m working through my feelings re: deciding not to have kids by writing fic lol) so i will probably finish it anyway, just not sure on what timeline. anyway, comments/reblogs always appreciated <3 here’s my masterlist for other stories

[cloudyskiiees]

have you guys watched the good place? if you have oh boy do i have the total drama au for you.

more under the cut in case ppl haven’t seen the good place! (watch it with no spoilers it’s one of the best shows of all time, it’s on netflix!)

(the characters and relationships in the actual show do not line up with the placements of the tdi characters, sue me! they fit better this way :))

noah takes on eleanor’s role as the protagonist. he wakes up in “the good place” and realizes quickly “aw fuck i’m not supposed to be here” and goes a little mental about it for a while!!

heather is michael, because it makes sense in my head okay. she’s very excited to have to new way of torturing humans, and is angry as hell when she fails over and over again because noah keeps figuring out it’s actually the bad place. she’s even more mad when she eventually learns to care about the humans LOL

sierra is janet, making sense as the all knowing entity of the universe. the main sierra is a “good place” sierra, but there’s many different versions of her. she develops real feelings everytime she gets rebooted along with the neighborhood!

courtney is chidi, when she was alive she was a very good lawyer. she knows her stuff about morals and ethics and is the one to usually end up teaching and helping the others how to be good people (not to say she doenst have her own stuff wrong just like everyone else!)

alejandro is more of tahani, in which on earth he appeared to be a very good and generous person, but he’s also kinda a vain asshole. he has a lot of family problems and was raised in competition with his brother, but he’s also usually the first person noah goes to when he realizes he’s screwed since he knows he doesn’t belong.

gwen is jason! she’s definitely not nearly as stupid as he is, but i see her plot as needing to hide herself working well somehow. she wasn’t a terrible person but she wasn’t great either, and taking one look around she knows she definitely doesn’t belong there either. her and noah are both happy and horrified when they discover each other!

anyways this is definitely alenoah because i see them having the relationship that eleanor and chidi have because i want it. I WANT IT.

the first time noah figures out it’s the bad place, the first thing he can think of to write to give him any clue on what’s going on when his memory is rebooted, is “find alejandro”

and in parallel later in the show when alejandro gets his memory rebooted, because he spent his whole life trying to find some meaning in whatever his life was, where he seemed to have everything but nothing at all, and he writes to himself, “there is no meaning. but noah is the meaning.” like please i’m on the floor do you guys see my vision

anyways go watch the good place and then go watch total drama island i love tv shows so much

[hederasgarden]

Hey bestie! ❤️ We need more sierra six x dom - i've recently rewatched the gray man and your fics ignited the fire even more, especially the dom one...so good! 🤌🤌 (dont feel pressured tho, only if you feel like writing)❤️

So happy you liked it!

I am working on part 2 as we speak. Please enjoy this little snippet.

Warnings for D/s dynamics, submission, kneeling and subspace. Mild sexual content. 18+ only.

Masterlist ♡ The Grey Man Masterlist

“Open your mouth,” Six says, reaching into the bowl of fruit. The blackberry looks tiny between his thick fingers. They're warm and dry as they slip past your lips to deposit the berry on your tongue. “Chew,” he says, withdrawing.

The berry is ripe enough that it melts in your mouth, sweet and tart. You sigh at the taste and rub your cheek against his thigh.

“You’re going to eat this whole bowl for me,” he says and you respond with a soft, yes sir.

He feeds you each piece of fruit by hand, peppering in praise for how well you’re doing and offering you a sip of water now and then. More than the fruit you love the feel of his fingers in your mouth, their heavy warmth, and the hint of salt on his skin. You think about having something else there. Another way you might make him happy and help yourself relax. The image has you pressing your thighs together and your heart racing.

With each soft word of encouragement and the building heat in your belly, you grow a little bolder. The next time he deposits a piece of strawberry in your mouth you close your lips around his fingers before he can withdraw. You suck on them, tongue curling around his thumb with a low moan.

Six inhales sharply, a ripple of something passing over his normally blank face. It’s only a moment but it’s enough to embolden you further. You lift your head and grasp his wrist, repeating the action with your tongue. He stares at you for a long moment, breathing shallowly. The hand you place on his upper thigh seems to snap him out of it. His jaw flexes and he pulls his fingers from your mouth.

“Sir….I’m sorry.” You draw back embarrassed, but he’s quick, leaning forward to grasp your jaw firmly. His face is impassive once more and when he speaks his voice is calm and measured.

"This is not why we’re here today,” he reminds you. Even though you want to look away from his intense gaze, you know you’re not supposed to do so you force yourself to keep looking.

He releases you and leans back, shifting in the chair before relaxing again. "Now, put your head back where it belongs," he says, picking up the bowl again.

[webbo0]

What happens if I don't like it? It's only-

Sierra Six (Courtland Gentry)

AO3

Length: 4,252

Summary: Six goes to a support group to make Claire happy. Senanigans ensue.

In which Six has a sexuality crisis, Ken is a being of pure sunshine, Driver would kill to protect his loved ones, K is tired of everything, Richard and Henry are messy as always, Barbie is intimidating as hell, and Claire was probably right the whole time.

Content/Warning: Sexuality Crisis, PTSD, Brief description of flashbacks/panic attacks, Brief description of abuse, Awkwardness

Authors Note: This all started bc I thought too hard about how Lloyd never unearthed every man or woman Six ever slept with and I concluded that he's asexual (bc I say so lol). Then he joined the group of goose boys I also headcanon as ace and, well, this happened.

Title is from "It's Only Sex" by Car Seat Headrest bc Jesus Christ that song hits HARD

Shoutout to the Goosecord as always, especially @ken-f-cker and @hollandstrophyhusband for beta-reading!!

Six had jumped off of high rises and not even blinked. He’d gone undercover in every major mob without even a raise in his heart rate. Hell, he’d even gotten shot multiple times and only huffed in annoyance. But this? Knocking on the non-descript doors of a high school gym? It was enough to make him want to turn tail and run for the exit, memories of awkward teenage years and repressed childish fears nipping at his heels.

He steadies his heart by telling himself he’s doing this for Claire. As student body president, she was aware of the multiple support groups that used the school’s gym after hours and had insisted he join one.

(“Setting aside the fact that you desperately need someone to talk to in your life, it’s a good look for me if my Da- Guardian participates in school functions, even if it’s after hours.”

Claire stood with one hand on her hip, the other firmly shoved in Six’s face with a paper containing a list of social groups. He didn’t let his face show the flip-flop his heart does at her almost-slip-up.

“For the love of god, I’m not lonely , how many times are we going over this? I’m literally trained to be alone!”

“I’m tired of you brooding all over the house all the time, you need to go talk to other adults that aren’t the delivery guy or that old lady who runs the laundromat.”

“Claire it isn’t safe for me to be out in public, you know this. One slip up and Carmichael or his cronies come for us both”

“I’m not asking you to go on live television , Six, the groups are literally just in the school gym and you drop me off there every day anyways. You need to get a life.”

Eventually, he chose the Gender, Sexuality, and Alternative Lifestyles and Families Support Group. Lord knows his “family” certainly isn’t exactly typical.)

Six takes a deep breath,  then knocks on the door. The group starts in half an hour so the gym doors are closed still, but he wanted to get there early to do a complete surveillance check (can’t have any wannabe Lloyds finding Claire). He hears a Very excited voice from the other side of the door yell out.

 “Be right there!”

A second later the doors swing open to reveal possibly the most energetic man Six has ever met. This guy has platinum blonde hair, an outfit straight from Malibu, and a bigger grin than Six thought was physically possible. The man sticks out his hand for a handshake.

“Hi, I’m Ken! Are you here for GSALFS?”

Six blinks, then composes himself, shock from this man's exuberance still clinging to his nerves. The man in front of him - Ken - was definitely not a threat, but in Six’s history, when people had been excited to meet him, it usually spelled trouble. He grabs Ken's hand.

“Yes, I know I’m early, but I wanted to get here with time to fill out any forms if I needed to.”

He’s not fully lying, he knows he’ll have to join a sign-up sheet or something, but really he’s here early to carefully scan the entire interior of the gym; both to assess his safety at this meeting and Claire’s safety in general. Can never be too careful.

Ken nods his head and opens the doors wider to let Six in.

“Well, you’re in luck! We just set up the chairs so I’ll give you the forms now while we set up the food, that way you can grab a bite once you’re done!”

He beams as if this is the best news he’s ever announced. Six would be irritated if it wasn't so begrudgingly cute. They both walk in and Six takes the time to scan the room, noting entry points, hiding spots, anything that would be useful in an emergency. Ken quite literally bounces away, returning only a moment later with a clipboard and a pen. Six takes them, quirking an eyebrow at the feathery pink pen attached to the forms, and nods a thank you at Ken.

“If you have any questions about what to fill out just ask, most things are optional but the more details you fill out the better, it’ll help us group you with the right people!”

Six scans the form. There’s basic information, name, age, pronouns (don’t see that every day), how did you find out about the group, etc. He pauses briefly at “preferred name”. Six might not be his legal name, but then again legally he didn’t exist anymore. And “Courtland” felt wrong coming from people's mouths now. He just puts “Six” down as his preferred name and leaves the other line blank, hoping no one makes a fuss about it. 

He moves on. He has no emergency contact and almost scoffs at the “triggers to avoid” line. Like he would give anyone anything that could compromise him.

Then there’s the next part of the form. 

“What group would you like to join today? If unsure, here is a list describing each group”

Alternative Lifestyles and Families is explained first. Apparently, it means more “people in polyamorous relationships, people in the Kink/BDSM world, etc.” and less “on the run from the CIA and most other major government organizations with a newly acquired teenager who’s the niece of your now-deceased ex-handler”. Whoops.

Not wanting to waste the trip out (or risk Claire’s wrath), he looks at the other options.

Gender identity is irrelevant to him, he’s never questioned being a man, but Sexuality? Six pauses again.

He never had crushes as a kid, on girls OR boys, and he went to prison too early to have any sort of normal teen experimental phase. Sure, he’s hooked up with women (and occasionally men) while in training or between missions, but those were mostly due to peer pressure or simply stress relief. Does he… know his sexuality?

Ken must see his frozen confused face because he subtly hands him another form after glancing at where he’s stuck on the paper.

“If you’re unsure of where you fit in here, this might help clarify a few things.”

Six sheepishly takes the new form. It’s some sort of self-assessment, questions and answers that tally up to different identities. Skeptically, he fills it out.

“Who have you felt romantic attraction to in the past?” 

Mostly the same gender

Mostly the opposite gender

Both opposite and same gender

Neither opposite nor same gender

Six blinks. Romantic? Is that different from other attractions? And “Neither” is an option? He circles “D”

“Who have you felt sexual attraction to in the past?” 

Mostly the same gender

Mostly the opposite gender

Both opposite and same gender 

Neither opposite nor same gender

Six circles “D” again, more confident this time. He continues through the quiz and finally adds up the numbers. He has 2 results.

“Based on your results, you match best with Asexual . Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. It may also be categorized more widely, to include a broad spectrum of asexual sub-identities.”

And the second.

“Based on your results you match best with Aromantic. Aromanticism is a romantic orientation characterized by experiencing little to no romantic attraction.”

Six blinks. Then rereads the descriptions. That’s… a thing? He isn’t just broken or built wrong? The words slot into a place in his heart, filling a void he had ignored for so long he’d almost forgotten it was there. Asexual. Aromantic. There are words to describe who he is and an entire community around them. He suppresses this newfound sexuality crisis for later; right now he has to bare his soul to strangers or something.

He hands the forms back to Ken who’s still arranging the (extremely sugary) snacks. Ken looks over the forms and smiles widely.

“Well Hello Six! It’s nice to put a name to the face! And I’m glad the quiz helped clarify things for you. The Ace group could use a new face, they’re always so existential.”

Ken pulls a sticker pad from seemingly nowhere and hands it to Six.

“Here, put whatever you want to be called on this, and pick some pronoun stickers, however many you want. If you want to add any we don’t have, just write them down on the nametag!”

Six groans internally at the nametag. He’s not used to people readily being able to identify who he is. Part of being the Gray Man was being untraceable. But he shakes the thought out of his head. Those days are over (hopefully). Now he’s just a paren- guardian taking an interest in his child’s community. He takes a breath, steadying his resolve. He once flew a helicopter one-handed through a snowstorm while escaping Siberia. He can deal with talking about himself for a couple of hours.

He thanks Ken and writes down “Six” on the purple, black, gray, and white name tag, adding a “he/him” sticker to it. He hands them back to Ken who is now on the phone, talking animatedly to someone. (No way it’s with someone named Barbie. He must’ve misheard.)

He sticks the nametag on and picks a chair in the back of the room (close to the nearest exit, with plenty of improvisable weapons close by) to sit down on and watch everyone slowly trickle into the room. He takes note of all of them, assessing their appearance, demeanor, and threat level.

A blonde man in a white jacket and driving gloves, holding hands with both a blonde woman in a sundress and a Latino man with a shaved head and work clothes. The woman and shorter man greet Ken with a hug and lively words, but the blonde man just smiles at him,

A bleach blonde man in biker gear with tattoos peaking out wherever skin shows and a sad smile that hides the slight edge of danger Six senses from him. Six identifies several prison tats but doesn’t judge. He might even have matching ones. 

A brunette in a perfectly tailored suit and immaculate grooming who greets Ken with a kiss on both cheeks

Two women, one feminine and one masculine who enter in a heated debate but holding hands

A dirty blonde man in a suit who only stops humming some old jazz song to greet Ken

A thicker, nervous-looking man in a winter coat (why?) with a nicely trimmed mustache who doesn’t do the usual hug-greeting with Ken but still waves at him

A silent, almost vacant-faced man with an eyebrow slit, who refuses to make eye contact with anyone

Three people that Six honestly couldn’t tell if they were male or female (he chastises himself for thinking in binary terms in a group literally about gender diversity, but hey, it's habit)

Two men, one with a trashy mustache goatee combo and a cast, the other with a harsh face and slicked back hair, both looking like they stepped straight out of the ’70s

A greasy-looking kid with long hair falling over his face that must be old enough to join the (18+) group, but only barely

A model-gorgeous woman and younger-looking person who both are dressed like they stepped out of a catalog and who greet Ken with squeals of excitement and kisses before helping him with some last-minute preparations (must be the co-runners of the group)

A tall built man with blonde highlights and a goofy grin to counter the muscles Six can make out from under his tight t-shirt. Six would consider him the biggest threat in the room if not for how clumsy he seems and the last person to enter.

The last man is perfectly nondescript (as if on purpose), but Six can feel that he’s…different. Military haircut, scars peeking out of his long overcoat, perfect posture, perfectly neutral face, and most condemning, he's subtly scanning the room for threats. The same way Six had. Six tenses slightly, on edge but no alarm bells are going off in his head because this guy doesn’t give off any aggressive vibes. If anything he’s acting… submissively? He’s acting strange either way.

Done with his threat assessment he turns his attention back to Ken and the two others that have joined him at the front of the room. Ken claps his hands to gather attention, exuberant smile never wavering.

“Hello everyone, and Welcome to GSALFS! For our newcomers who aren’t familiar with how this works, on your entry form you indicated which group or groups would be best suited to your needs, and that’s who you’ll be talking to tonight. If you fit into multiple groups don’t worry! You can choose another one to join next week. Take a look at your nametag and sit in the circle with the flag that matches the colors. We try to stay on topic during discussions but encourage the conversation to flow naturally. Have fun!”

Six looks at his nametag colors and searches the room for the chair circle with the corresponding flag, smiling a bit when he sees that it’s towards the back of the gym, right next to an exit. He grabs a snack (giving in to his sweet tooth) and makes his way to the chair with the best view of the room. He sits and takes in the other people arriving. 

The man in the white jacket and gloves sits first and Six examines his expression further. He seems calm, if not a bit aloof, but Six can tell that underneath the boyish looks and gentle face, something is hiding. His name tag is… blank? Is that allowed? The man still has pronoun stickers (he/they), but instead of a name he just has a crude doodle of a car. The “car man” (or whatever his name is) nods his head as the next person sits. 

The second man has short, cropped hair, an eyebrow slit, and the build of a boxer. He has none of the swagger of a fighter though, instead moving slowly, as if in a dream. Unlike the man in the white jacket’s calm, composed expression, this man’s face is entirely blank. He doesn’t nod his head back in greeting, instead slowly raising a hand in a halted wave. His name tag reads “Julian” in scratchy handwriting and he also has a “he/him” sticker.

Six watches curiously as the two men start gesturing to each other in presumably sign language. Their hand movements are slow, but he can see the man in the jacket quirk up the corner of his lip, and the other man’s shoulders seem to untense a little as they communicate. They keep “conversing” and Six is desperately trying to remember the little ASL he knows when the third man approaches.

Six straightens up automatically. The military (?) man walks up and Six knows for a fact now that he’s not a civilian. The man walks with precision, every step calculated and efficient. Six is bigger than this man, but the tight shirt under his coat lets him know that this other guy is nothing but muscle. He can’t help himself (the CIA drilled situational awareness into the fiber of his being); he does a quick room scan. There are 3 major exits, 2 potential ambush spots, 23 potential weapons within a couple of steps, and 42 ways to defend himself (both lethally and non-lethally) if he needs to. The newest group member sits down with his hands resting perfectly on his thighs (huh, interesting) and Six takes the opportunity to read his nametag. 

“K”. That's it. Okay then. Not like Six can judge someone for not using their real name. K makes eye contact and Six, never one to back down from a challenge, locks his eyes right back at him. The other man isn't combative, but he isn’t backing down either. Six crosses his arms. K blinks, and a slight twitch of amusement flits across his lip, but his gaze never wavers. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Julian and Car Guy have stopped signing at each other and are waving at K, probably saying Hi. K waves back, eyes still fixed on Six, and Six could huff out of annoyance if the double doors don’t creak open at that exact minute.

 A slightly scrawny-looking blonde kid no older than 20 with a smarmy-looking grin slips in, presumably late to the meeting. Six darts his eyes toward the sudden movement, then immediately curses himself for seemingly backing down in front of a potential threat.

K smirks (granted, it’s not unkindly), and turns his head to greet the other two men in the circle. He signs something at Julian and Six quickly realizes he either will need someone to translate for him, or he needs to start taking ASL lessons if he wants to communicate in this group effectively. Thankfully, when K turns to Car Guy, he speaks aloud, breaking the silence that had settled over the group. His voice is soft, steady, and deliberate. As if he thought over each word individually before speaking.

“Did Standard or Irene draw that this time, Driver?” he asks, gesturing to the name tag with the car doodle on it. 

Was this guy’s name Driver? Ah well, again, not like Six could judge. His name is just a goddamn number.

Driver lets a shy smile creep onto their face.

“Benicio. He wanted to feel included.”

Julian finds this amusing, letting his facial features relax a bit. (Maybe he’s not deaf? Or he can lip read- but no, he hasn’t looked at anyone's face yet. Just mute?)

“Friend of yours draw that?” Six asks, trying to be friendly.

Driver’s smile lessens at his words and Six suspects he may be unwelcome in this apparently tight-knit group that’s formed.

“Kid, actually.”

“Oh, you have a kid?” 

He really is just trying to break the ice, he swears. But Six can see Driver’s jaw clench, his gloved fists tightening, and he realizes he chose the exact wrong thing to ask this man. Casually, he moves his arm towards his waistband, not liking the alarm bells this guy is setting off. K must notice what he’s doing, and, muscles tensing, he reaches for his waistband. Julian notices the energy shift as well, but he’s not poised to defend himself, instead, his head is hung low, and he’s slightly trembling. 

Six takes a breath and before he can dart for the exit, a shout cuts through the quiet gym, grabbing everyone’s attention.

“What the FUCK are YOU doing here?!”

He nearly draws and fires right then and there, but it’s immediately obvious the yelling isn’t directed at him.

The greasy, long-haired kid is standing right in the face of the blonde guy who slipped in late to the meeting. He has tears in his eyes as he pokes the chest of the shorter guy, who looks nervous but isn’t backing down. 

“You really think you can just show up here like nothing happened? How fucking stupid do you think I am , Richard?”

All eyes in the room are on the two men arguing. The tatted guy Six eyed earlier is glaring at Richard with his hand in his pocket, and Six can tell he’s fidgeting with some kind of knife. The mustached man in the winter coat looks close to tears himself, and the equally broad but muscular guy with highlights is gently soothing him. The two men in suits (one immaculately groomed and the other that had been humming Jazz) exchange glances, vaguely amused by whatever drama is being played out.

“You blocked me everywhere, how else was I supposed to talk to you?” Richard’s words are just as angry, but he slowly backs up as the taller man stalks towards him.

“Obviously you weren’t supposed to talk to me.”

Across from Six, K sighs, slumping back into his chair, while Driver rolls his eyes.

“Henry, come on, you’re overreacting, I never-”

“I’m OVERREACTING?!”

“Okay, let's all take a breath before we do anything we might regret,” Ken interjects, stepping between the two men and placing a (surprisingly muscular) arm on each of their chests to keep them apart. “That includes you, Luke”

The tatted man — Luke — scoffs but stops twirling his knife in his pocket.

“Now Richard” Ken starts, turning to the seething blonde, “you know you’re on probation from this group, let’s calm down and talk about this outside”.

Richard seems like he’s going to protest until the blonde woman who helped Ken earlier steps up. 

“Either you and Ken talk things out together outside or you and I can. Your choice.”

A flash of nervousness flits across Richard's face, but he grumbles out a “Fine” and lets Ken escort him out, muttering the whole way.

The tension in the room dissipates.

Six lets himself relax slightly, the brewing conflict between him and the other group members now forgotten in the chaos. K seems weary, Driver looks vaguely irritated, and Julian-

Julian is still frozen in place, trembling, eyes somehow more distant than before.

Six frowns.

“Is he OK?”

Driver’s face hardens again, but before Six can ready himself for the venom about to be spat in his direction, Driver turns to Julian and softens. He takes one of Julian's hands, squeezing softly before gently rubbing a gloved thumb over his skin.

Six isn’t an idiot (despite Claire’s insistence). 

He’s seen plenty of guys have panic attacks in prison or even full-on flashbacks during CIA training. For a moment he recalls the countless nights in his cell, unable to breathe from the crushing weight in his chest, he feels himself being restrained and berated by his commander for blacking out and mistaking an officer for the enemy because he beat him just like his dad would-

Six squeezes his eyes shut for a beat.

Inhales.

Exhales.

Not now. He can flashback all he wants later when he’s not in front of a bunch of strangers.

Distraction time.

He turns to K, who’s staring at Julian mournfully. He clears his throat.

“Ahem. So, uhhhh, what was that whole fight thing about? Richard and Henry, was it?”

K hesitates, but when he notices Six dart his eyes pointedly at Julian and Driver, pursing his lips, he nods almost imperceptibly and slowly opens his mouth to explain.

Good. If he is ex-military or whatever like Six suspects, he probably gets it too.

“Richard and Henry, yeah,” he sighs, sounding almost disappointed.

“They met at this high school and started dating in college. Henry has a history of… Issues.” 

(He’s trying to be gracious, Six can tell) 

“Richard exploited Henry’s, uh, instability , convincing him he'd never hurt him. Then Richard’s best friend lets Henry know Richard’s been cheating on him the entire time with him and even sends him a videotape of it. Apparently, Richard secretly records all his ‘conquests’.”

K’s lip curls in disgust.

“Anyways, Henry was shattered, and word got back to Barbie, Ken, and Allan. I’ve never seen them so angry before; Ken had to calm them down before Allan got into another fight they couldn’t win, or before Barbie eviscerated him.” K smirks.

Allan must be the other person running the group, but then — 

“Wait, hang on, they’re actually Barbie and Ken? Are those just stage-names or…?”

K smirks again and Six can hear Driver huff out what could be a laugh next to him.

“Yeah, everyone has that realization once they join. I swear those are their real names. Apparently, they were raised together too?” K shrugs.

“Huh, wild. But yeah, that Richard kid seems like an asshole.”

K chuckles and Driver lets out another huff of laughter. Julian exhales an almost-giggle and signs something that makes Driver honest-to-god snort , while K has to put a hand over his mouth to cover his slowly widening grin.

Six’s grin falters a bit, wishing once again he had paid better attention to his ASL lessons during training.

“Sorry. I, uh, I don’t know signs all that well,” he admits, flushing with embarrassment.

Julian just nods and before any other group members can interpret for him, he opens his mouth and translates for himself in a cracked voice:

“Bitchard.”

Driver snorts again, hiding his head in his shoulder.

“He’s not wrong.” K smiles.

Six takes a breath. Biting the bullet (heh), he extends his hand out to K for a handshake.

“We got off on the wrong foot. I’m Six.” 

K takes his hand. His grip is strong but not too tight, the kind of handshake businessmen swoon over. 

“K,” he replies.

He elbows Driver slightly, who nudges him back, as if irritated, but he still turns toward Six. He hesitates, then sticks out his gloved hand. Six takes it, more gently, and is surprised that his grip is almost as strong as K’s. Driver’s shoulders tense, but he relaxes them and flashes Six a small smile.

“Nice to meet you”

He doesn’t introduce himself, but K calls him Driver and he responds, so that’s what Six’ll stick with.

Julian doesn’t extend a hand, but he does bring his head up to look at Six’s face. No eye contact, but Six is just flattered the man trusts him enough to even just look at him. He doesn’t say anything but nods his head in greeting. Six nods back, smiling.

Maybe Claire was right. It was nice to feel like he belonged.

[carlos-in-glasses]

Carlos-in-Glasses Goes to Paris

For prosperity I’ve written up my experience of the First Responders Reunion Convention – which is my first convention experience. And what an overwhelmingly good and stressful time it was. Under the cut is my attempt to capture my memories and the essence of it, rather than a transcription of panels and meeting rooms, as others have already done the good work (or will be). I hope you find this interesting and useful if you do read, and if you have any specific questions (including about travelling alone/logistics/issues I had) I’ll do my best to provide a coherent answer.

I am very tired and this is slightly manic but here we go:

Friday: If you are among those who waited in line for three hours to register for the convention, even if I did not see or interact with you….I feel we are spiritually bonded forever by the experience. Blimey, crikey, and bloody hell. It was not clear at all how long the wait would be, but I was not expecting that! However, there was an undeniable thrill in the air. I was in pain all over, yet happy. By the late evening, dinner was half a tube of Pringles and a glass of red wine.

Saturday: Breakfast was four croissants. I actually recommend this because they really did carry me through until lunch. Not long after arriving, we were milling about in the lobby waiting for the opening ceremony to begin - when Ronen walked past up on the mezzanine/ balcony thing, waving to us, all fabulous and just….there in the flesh?!!!...and revealing his hair. We’d speculated that he’d dyed it pink or the bisexual pride flag colours, or “wouldn’t it be funny if it’s just brown?!” And it was brown! And it WAS Funny.

The opening ceremony was a trip lol. Holy shit. They played a music video compilation of the actors from each show (I never want to hear How to Save a Life by The Fray ever again. Jk jk don’t come for meee). There was an undulation of incredibly loud screaming whenever particular actors popped up on screen, so it was like being on a rollercoaster that wasn’t moving. Adrenaline was high by the time all the actors walked out on stage and say hello. It’s hard to explain exactly how bonkers it is to be in the same physical space as Ronen, Rafa, Sierra and Natacha and see their non-TV dimensions… TANGENT TIME:

….Speaking of dimensions! I tried to pay close attention to the height difference between Ronen and Rafa, but it’s also an optical illusion in real life? FYI, I’m 5 ft 7 – Ronen didn’t seem massively taller than me, Rafa did seem massively taller than me; next to each other it was like there was nothing in it. But in my photos they’re both much taller than me and Ronen looks slightly the biggest I think 🤔 So I have no clue what’s going on. In fact, I’m more confused than ever.

After the opening ceremony (which I fled from because fuuuck) I was waiting around due to rocking up early for my meeting room by accident. The schedule was a confusing design and I was far from the only person who was doing a sort of 'hit-and-hope' when it came to figuring out where to be and when, especially as things almost immediately overran, so other activities got moved around/ postponed. ANYWAY – Ronen walked right past with a member of staff who was instructing him. I overheard him tell her “It’s okay…I’m a pro at this.” He really did wander around like he owned the place. At one point he strolled through the lobby with an unlit cigarette in his mouth.

My first activity was the meeting room with Ronen and Rafa (ie. a group of a set number of people in a room with actors for half an hour). By chance it turned out that I was sitting almost right next to them, with a gap left for the door between us. So, super close. And obviously they were both mesmerising. This was the meeting room where Rafa said “To catch the murderer, Carlos has to behave like one”, and explained that Carlos would have to murder parts of himself. His emphasis was on how Carlos’ innocence has been taken from him because his father’s life was stolen. For what it’s worth, I interpreted this as Rafa viewing the whole thing very much from an dramatic actor’s standpoint, and how he needs to get into the mindset of Carlos’ particular grief metaphorically, rather than meaning anything literal. He speaks quite intensely and thoughtfully and his choice of words is often bold. For anyone concerned about it, just remember he was asked a question and responded off the cuff the best he could in the moment, with limited time. He doesn’t write the show and I guess he’s making assumptions based on how season 4 left off, like the rest of us, unless he’s had very specific conversations with Tim (which, maybe! But he wouldn’t be able to give anything away. We don’t know anything). Then, when Ronen brought up TK dying (because Ronen always dies in the films/TV he does – using an axe to the chest as an example) it was pointed out that Tarlos is endgame, so he can’t die. Cue Rafa being like “Carlos could die with him! They die together!” I was like goodness me lads it’s early in the morning for this. I needed a brandy afterwards.

Next up was my Tarlos Duo Photoshoot. As noted above, everything had fallen behind schedule, and things were starting to get switched around. Honestly, it was confusing, daunting and stressful (please note: Am VERY easily confused, daunted, and stressed). But thanks to the power of following others and asking questions, I ended up where I needed to be. When it was my turn, Rafa immediately and warmly put his arm around me to pose but Ronen was talking to a staff member, so Rafa and I were just… touching each other for a good few seconds before Ro joined us! I took the opportunity to thank Rafa for doing this for us, but I can’t remember how he responded. Then the photo was taken. I told them they’re both amazing, they said “aw thanks” at the same time, and again I fled the scene. As there are so many people, the shoot you have is super speedy. I advise really trying to keep your cool even though it’s a highly flustering situation. You don’t want it to become a total blur or something you regret, because it really is lovely to be next to them and quickly say a few words and get a keepsake afterwards.

My next activity was autographs and selfies with Natacha and Sierra. A super lovely thing. I gave them cards I'd written (as I also did for Rafa and Ronen the next day). Sierra was an absolute highlight for me. Just the warmest, kindest person. A total joy. She opened her card in front of me and I was like nooooo don't. It truly felt like she’d come to the convention for the opportunity to meet us, rather than the other way around. She told me she liked my outfit and said I look beautiful in pink. Similar to what I said to Rafa, I thanked her and told her I can’t imagine what it’s like for them to do this, expecting her to quickly say “oh you’re welcome” or something. But she started having a mini-philosophical conversation with me about the nature of fame and fandom! Then she said “it is overwhelming in the best way” because she gets to see the human heart behind all the messages etc (I’m paraphrasing). I said “it’s all about love” and she said “yes! It’s all about love, absolutely.” She was a true delight. And Natacha is a blast. She also complimented my pink outfit and I was like ???? Thanks????!!! Gahhh. The selfies came out way more flattering than the photoshoot. The lighting. Oof.

The last Saturday thing for me was the panel with Ronen and Rafa. It was quite brief but there were some real gems. Rafa saying he only has eyes for Tarlos. Ronen saying “Safe in their apartment holding on to each other. I think Carlos is TK’s honeymoon.” I melted. I let our an audible aww.

Sunday: The first thing was a Lone Star quiz in the panel room with Natacha and Sierra. They were so fun and such good sports. Then it was the Lone Star panel, where Natacha, Sierra, Ronen and Rafa were all on stage together answering fan questions. It was really nice to see them all interact, banter and laugh together. Sierra made a point of saying they’re all close in real life and hang out in their free time. There was a great vibe between them and such a good atmosphere in the room. I loved it when Rafa told Ronen that he was out of rhythm when it came to learning the pilot episode line dance; Ronen argued that he smashed it and there's video evidence. Rafa's response was "Sweetie, no."

I then had the autograph and selfie sessions with Rafa and Ronen, but because the Lone Star panel overran, suddenly Ronen had his photoshoot session instead, so I had a clash between going to that or staying downstairs for Rafa. I was trying to figure out what to do until the queen that is @actuallysara got some clarity from a staff member and we went up to Ronen, but by that point the upper level by the studio was crowded and chaotic. Be advised to prepare for disarray if you’ve never been to a convention before. It might be that you experience no scheduling issues or confusion, but just be prepared for the advent anyway. As it happened, I was through quickly for my photo with Ronen – again thanks to Sara locating the door! Ronen, hungover, was wearing his sunglasses, so I wore mine. He did a dumb pose without saying anything; I grinned at the camera and then thanked him and ran off again to get back downstairs where Rafa was still signing autographs. I got to tell him he plays my favourite character of all time and we took a selfie I really love ahhhh. Then Rafa had to leave for his photoshoot – which was my next thing – so I ran back upstairs and was one of the first in line! So I was like “heeey nice to see you again so soon…!” He remembered my name – I guess because he’d only just written it down 😅 I thanked him for the 10th time – just couldn’t stop thanking everyone like I’d caught a disease where the symptom is permanent gratitude. THEN I ran downstairs to do the autograph and selfie with Ronen, who was running late – so that got postponed to the afternoon after we’d already waited a long while. When it did happen it was great - I can't remember what I said to him but I assume it was polite and made sense – although a chaotic queuing system again ensued. A whole long line of us were crushed together in the heat. I had an Aperpol spritz after and when I tell you I’d never needed a drink like that more…

That was it for my paid activities! Unknown to me at the time, my final glimpse of Ronen, Rafa, Sierra and Natacha was when I was sitting on the floor eating Ritz Crackers while they were wandering past on their way to/from whatever they were doing next. It felt so normal to see them around at that point. We gathered for the closing ceremony, thinking we’d see all the actors on stage once more for a goodbye, but the ceremony had to happen without any of the actors because of running late. So, I cherish my ‘seeing them in the hallway’ memories.

Overall feelings and would I do it again? If you’ve never been to a convention before but want to, do go into it with open eyes: There’s potentially a lot of waiting around and standing in line for a long time in a hot space (sometimes the line is more like a shapeless crowd and you don’t know where it begins and ends). Some of the activities are quite rushed. They fall behind schedule easily and you have to be agile about where to go next and what to do. The Dream It team worked super hard and could do with employing more staff in stewarding roles, ideally wearing something that identifies them as such (the staff blended in with the visitors of the convention). But I don’t know the economics of their staffing situation so maybe they can’t grow the team. Anyway, having more signs up also would have been useful. When you do get your moment with Ronen, Rafa, Sierra, Natacha though – or whoever you have come to see – it really is beautiful and meaningful.

Right now, I’m flipflopping – but mainly I think once is enough for me, unless they come to a convention the UK. There’s a couple of aspects I’d like to ‘do over,’ but perhaps not enough to try to recreate the magic a second time, given the expense of it?? That might change over the coming months – we’ll see! I went to this convention with the goal of meeting Ronen and Rafa (with Natacha and a Sierra being a glorious bonus as I booked it long before they were announced as guests) to tell them in person thank you and I love you – and I achieved that. I do think it was worth my money, but it is very expensive and tiring. I was lucky to be in a good position to pay for it this year, which might not be the case going forward. You really need to be able to afford to do it, and genuinely want to do it, knowing you’re paying money for something that is going to have some hard and challenging aspects as well as the amazing and joyful. Personally, I love that I went once. I didn’t love the Super Endurance Test of 2023 that was standing in line for three hours on Friday after travelling hahaaaaaa god. I loved the selfies and autograph sessions. I didn’t love the photoshoot outcomes but I loved that I’ve had Rafa’s large hand on my shoulder because I'm slutty so. I love that I looked into both his and Ronen’s eyes and told them how great they are. I love that I uploaded my selfie with Rafa to my instastory and he viewed it, so there’s just a line of my friends’ names, then actuallyrafa, then a line of my friends’ names 🤣

I also want to note that in real life, compared to footage of them in interviews/insta lives/wherever, I think you get even more of a sense of just how different they are to their characters. It made me respect them all even more than I already did, which I didn’t think was possible. They are SO talented.

BUT most importantly: The reason why this was so brilliant was @actuallysara, without whom I wouldn’t have thought I could travel alone to Paris and do this at all. Sara, meeting you and giving you a big hug was also the dream. You are so helpful and knowledgeable and kind ,and once again your flags were a fantastic idea and I’m so happy I got to sign them. I hope I get to see you again very soon. Thank you from the depths of my soul. @meditating-honey-badger (and your fabulous companion…!) it was a true delight to hang out, and chill out, and have such funny and deep conversations. You are an absolute light and I loved meeting you. I hope so much to see you again too. Like Sara, it could never be too soon. And @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut. What can I say. What can I possibly say. I want to make drinking on rooftop bars while talking about writing our thing. I’ve never done that with anyone else. We really went through this side by side and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I already miss you and I thank you too. You are, in fact, the warmest doughnut in town. All of you, forever ❤️. You made it what it was.

(Digitally applied giant aviator sunglasses and some editing so the Tarlos duo photoshoot doesn't count as a face reveal. Thank you also to the lovely people who made bracelets and handed them out.)

[renren-006]

right, your blog banner has inspired me to send in a request ✨ i’ve got an idea for a court gentry x reader fic based off of ‘you are in love’ by taylor swift. basically it’s like really cute moments between court and the reader throughout their relationship based on some of the lyrics to the song.

the start of the song. could perhaps be their first ever night together. “Coffee at midnight.” and “And your shoulders brush. No proof, one touch. But you felt enough” would maybe be their daily routines and such.

the second verse could be like i guess domestic moments between them and then the lyric about letting go of fears and ghosts could be court being more open and comfortable with the reader compared to the beginning of the relationship. there’s also a lyric in the bridge where it mentions keeping a pic of the subject in a office so i thought maybe that could apply for court keeping a polaroid of the reader (that claire took) when he goes on missions. if you could please make the fic really soft and fluffy that would be great

i’m sorry this is kinda long hahahaha but i just had to share the idea i had. keep up the great work! your fics are amazing :)

Loved | Sierra Six x Reader

warning: a litttleeee suggestive wording but other than that full love and fluff!

word count: 760

a/n: this is such a cute idea!! thank you for the request!! i really enjoyed writing this!! i’ll have to make another tag post for song story requests!! I love writing fluffy content but i also added a few...suggestive sentences because i coulden't help myself!!

(just like imagine it’s youuuu)

*Play "You are Loved" by Taylor Swift*

Small talk, he drives. Coffee at Midnight

When you both met it felt like a spark was ignited inside you. 

“Hi” a voice said behind you. Turning back you noticed a handsome face above you. Court stood there, taking a chance at love.

“Hello” you responded, Court took that as a welcoming sign to have him sit next to you. You two smiled at each other

When Court continued talking to you that night you knew maybe there was a change at some happy ending. When he offered to take you to his place you jumped out of the bar stool and happily obliged. You took him up on the offer of a coffee at his place when you two settled in. Soon after that coffee was forgotten. 

And your shoulders brush. No proof, one touch, but you felt enough. 

The morning routine was simple, bathrooms were shared between the two of you. Shoulders brushing in the morning as the two of you moved around the bathroom fiddling and getting ready. There was no proof to the Court or anyone outside of this bathroom that they had ever met, touched or loved. You felt it, the connection, the spark. You wanted it ignited between the two of you. Court couldn't admit it to himself yet. 

You keep his shirt, he keeps his word. And for once, you let go of your fears and your ghosts.One step not too much, said enough. 

Of course you kept Court's shirt, it was the only thing that kept you grounded when he was gone. You moved in a while after you met and fell hard for one another. You never asked questions, or bothered him about his scars, he would tell you about this other life he had when he was ready.

Court told you the minute he walked in that door after a mission. He still had a fresh cut on his forehead and he felt torn. He felt like the double life he was living needed to be a single one.  

“I…I work for the government, I do jobs for them. Hit jobs” he told you, moments after the door shut. He stumbled over his words, fear on his face. You were caught off guard eating in the kitchen when he stormed in the house. 

“I guessed you did something dangerous..” you told him trailing off. “I'm not leaving. Just because you have a dangerous job doesn't mean I'm going anywhere.” Court didn't say another word other than picking you up out of your chair and settling down on the couch, you in his lap, and just hugged you. The two of you stayed like that for hours, just holding one another. 

One night he wakes. Strange look on his face. Pauses then says “you're my best friend”. and you knew what it was he's in love

You were still up when Court rolled over to you. The book in your hand quickly forgotten by the look Court was giving you. 

“Baby?” you asked, worried he was having a stroke. You put your book down and laid beside him, the dim light from the moon giving your room a glow. He held your face. 

“You're my best friend,” he told you. As his hands stored your cheeks you cried. He loved you. It was clear in his words, his face, and his kisses he gave you. 

And he keeps pictures of you in his office downtown

Claire insisted on taking a picture of you that day. You were wearing a light blue dress, making you look angelic. You knew Court was leaving soon, and you wanted to look nice before swinging him off to his mission. Clair took a photo of you looking longingly at Court, she kept that one for her one jernal. 

The other one she gave to the Court. This one had you looking directly at the camera, full smile and a slight laugh to your face. He remembers that day like no other. How pretty you looked in the dress and how nice you looked at home without it. 

Court kept that photo in his wallet, keeping it with him on missions so he would always have your face to look at to remind him he was fighting to come home to you. He loved you. 

Cause you can hear it in the silence. You can feel it on the way home. You can see it with the lights out. You are in love, true love. You are in love.

[thegrimdog13]

Star au headcannons pt.1

If you want more just tell me! Again this is not related to any of my other aus and will have different designs.I also want to come out with some art for it soon! Love you all ❤️

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Jeff-  

•The fans call him Jeff the killer because he kills it on stage and the ladies, men, and others lol

•Jeff is a bitch to everyone and needs everything to be perfect 

•Jeff loves the attention

•Jeff has a preference towards woman so he often is like ohhhhh let that one on stage or take her backstage.

•Jeff did this to Nina once and after she became obsessed. Nina then became a pop star so she could be close to him at events.

•Jeff’s rock band wears fun makeup like kiss ( but it is like there regularly designs so Jeff has a smile painted on his face and EJ has black tears same with Lulu except hers are red.)

Stuff close to what Jeff would write or play-

•Falling in reverse- Good girls like bad guys

•Mötley Crüe- Dr. Feelgood

•Ozzy Osbourne - crazy train

•Green Day- boulevard of Broken dreams

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Nina-

•Nina stole the killer part from Jeff because she is obsessed.

•She loves Jeff’s music (Jeff does a lot of rock and emo like music. )

•Nina loves pop too and does scene music to get Jeff’s attention.

•Nina really leans into pop with her outfits but tries to add in some scene girl vibes.

•Nina moves a lot on stage like dancing and bopping around

•Nina copied Jeff a little with the smile but instead drew her lip stick into a smile.

Stuff close to what Nina would sing-

•Tessa Violet- Crush

•Bebe Rexha- I’m a mess

•Katy Perry-Hot n Cold

•Savannah Lee May-All eyes on me

•Never shot never-Happy

•lady Gaga- paparazzi

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Jane-

•Her stage name in Jane everlasting but it used to be Jane the killer when she was in a band with Jeff.

•She refuses to sing anything rock and metal

• Jeff and her had a call out when he was being a bitch to her and she was tired of his crap.

• She hates talking about anything about Jeff and when interviewers asked her about it she freaks out

•She mostly sings sad and inspiring songs

•She just hates Jeff lol

Stuff close to what Jane would sing-

• Alicia Keys- Underdog

•Kyla Jade- you don’t own me

•Adele- Hello

•Adele-easy on me

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Eyeless Jack-

•EJ puts up with Jeff better then anyone else he gets pissed at everything but Jeff some how

•EJ is basically feeds Jeff’s delusions while Liu is just like shut fuck up Jeff.

•EJ is as nice as he can be until someone annoys him then he will break his drums and Jeff will be pissed. He would say why the fuck EJ those are expensive and then EJ would just be like I’m sorry Jeff and beg for forgiveness lol.

•EJ is basically Jeff’s Boyfriend without being his boyfriend he will bring Jeff flowers before shows and simp for him and Jeff will be like cool attention.

•EJ is just like notice meeee twenty four seven towards Jeff but Jeff is oblivious.

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Ticci Toby and Clockwork-

•Literally Idiots they make jokes on stage before they start singing

•Toby plays the ukulele sometimes probably

•Clockwork will sing a sad song and make raunchy jokes after.

•They sing lots of comedy duets.

stuff that is similar to what they would sing-

•Joel Grey & Sutton Foster- Friendship

•Mindy Gledhill- I Do Adore

•Alex & Sierra- Little do you know

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Sally-

•Sally is a child ballet dancer and her mom posted her residual online and it got millions of views

•Sally appreciates people being nice to her

•Sally is super sweet and nice

•She loves people and talking to fans

•She adores dancing

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Ben-

Ben’s nickname is Ben Drowned because of Minecraft lol

• Ben also does gaming competitions even though he is a kid

•Ben is really good for a teen and his dad is a pro gamer that helped him get in the competitions

•Ben is a little brat and loves trash talking people

•Ben learned how to hack so even if he was losing he could just click a couple buttons and win.

•Ben is a big fan of Jeff’s music

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Laughing Jack and Laughing Jill -

•They are a twin trapeze act

•They are in a traveling Circus

•They often make jokes a lot so the ringmaster decided they should have Laughing Jack and Laughing Jill as their nicknames

•Laughing Jack loves to throw candy for the children when they are swinging all over the place.It often hits the kids in the face though lol.

•Laughing Jill also loves to dance

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Jason The Toymaker-

• he does all types of acrobatics

•He thinks that he is the best thing ever lol

•not much is known about him and no one even knows why he is as famous as he is ( probably some sort of controversial thing but like something dumb like him saying I’m better then *insert name* at this thing lol) ______________________________________________

CandyPop-

•An aerial dancer

•He just loves looking majestic lol

•Candypop has lots of energy and does hard tricks so fast it’s unbelievable

•Candypop jumps around before her gets on the silks and it’s so funny looking lol

•Candypop just love’s attention

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Bloody Painter-

•Bloody painter is a painter so creative lol

•Instead of painting with blood he uses regular paint. But the reason he is called blood painter is because he paints serial killers.

•Helen is really sweet but loves dark things

•Helen is quiet and often compliments other people’s work even if it isn’t that good. •Helen just appreciates other artists ☺️

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Homicidal Liu-

•Liu was taught piano by his mother

•Liu was going to join Jeff’s band but Jeff said no because he can’t play anything cool.

•Liu plays sad music ever since his Mom died from an unknown illness

•Liu loves his brother but has to give him realty checks a lot.

•Liu is older then Jeff but somehow he feels like he is always treated as lower by Jeff

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Lulu -

•Lulu loves being Jeff’s band but she thinks he is kinda rude

•Lulu is a really quiet person who is a bit of a people pleaser

•Lulu stays on Jeff’s good side because she enjoys seeing him happy.

•Nina hates Lulu

•Lulu is quiet off stage but when she is on the stage her voice is booming

•Lulu has a really pretty voice and sometimes Jeff gets a little jealous

______________________________________________

Brian and Tim-

•They are gay country boys and no one can tell me otherwise lol

•They sing lots of love songs

•They are little cuties

•Brian is a big goof and makes lots of jokes while Tim is just like really…….

•Tim secretly loves Brian’s humor

•Brian is a big flirt and it makes Tim blush

•Countryyyyy boyyyy Iiii lovvveeee youuu

songs similar to what they would sing-

•Johnny Cash - you are my sunshine

•Tonight I’m Garth Brooks- we shall be free

•Prisley Fields-Ride Me Cowboy ( Brian would definitely sing this lol)

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This is all I can think of for now let me know if you want a part two! If you have any suggestions, questions, or drawings requests! Love you all ❤️

[strifesolution]

Nothing has happened yet—thank God— but as he paces the floor of their bedroom, all he can think about is how if this goes south, they’d be angering the most powerful gang this side of the valley, and Daithi thinks that’s something he and Brian could do without.

It’s something they really could do without, knowing for a fact that they’ve stayed with The Belladonna Sierra too long to have any other place to run to. The farm has become more of a home the gang ever was, he supposes, but Evan knows they’re here. Their leader would come looking if they didn’t come back soon.

- five rounds, six cylinders, chapter five; photograph

designs for mentioned members The Belladonna Sierra in our western AU. Haha get it- the initials- it’s— it’s just Banana Bus Squad. that’s the joke!

i have... never drawn any of them before (van literally dragged me into watching BBS for the sake of this AU and now i’m in hell) so it was a struggle finding a good balance between IRL appearance/avatar/vague historical accuracy, but i’m happy with what we ended up with!!

why do these happy silly guys look like they’re experiencing the horrors, huh?? well, you can read the fic HERE!!