#and i would very much like to be able to look at literally ANYTHING about these movies
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reingkings ยท 2 days ago
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Gi-hun canโ€™t hold grudges, and what that means for Inhun/457.
I was thinking of this the other day. I myself donโ€™t consider myself to be the type of person who holds grudges, but looking at Gi-hun I feel like he puts me to shame.
Disclaimer: I donโ€™t hate the following characters this is just an analysis.
Example A: Sae-byeok. We all love her in the fandom, but if you think about itโ€“ Gi-hun only knew her a couple of days. The first time they met, she stole from him causing him a lot of trouble. When they met again, she didnโ€™t even apologize and was generally rude. And yet, Gi-him was willing to put his life on the line to defend her from 101. And then, he was willing to fight Sang-woo for her. He goes on to take care of her brother for her.
Example B: Speaking of Sang-woo, he betrayed Gi-hun pretty early on during dalgona. I think to some extent Gi-hun knew this but he still let it go. He only got angry when Sang-woo pushed the other player during the bridge game, then with Sae-byeok. And yet, even in the end when Sang-woo tried to kill him (and stabbed him through the hand) and he needed the money for his motherโ€™s treatment. But he was willing to leave the money so they could both leave alive.
Example C: The loan shark. Dude literally beat him up, humiliated him, and made him sign an agreement to sell his organs. And yet, in season 2, Gi-huh is willing to team up with them and pay them to help find the Salesman.
Example D: Jung-bae. Jung-bae is definitely another favorite, and I think we definitely have a bias towards him, but objectively he was not the greatest friend. For one, he was the one who introduced Gi-hun to horse racing, precipitating Gi-hubโ€™s money troubles. When Gi-hun needed his help, he also didnโ€™t lend Gi-hun money for his motherโ€™s treatment (I donโ€™t think he necessarily was to blame for her death, but it is a huge disappointment). They fell out of contact and reunited in the game, where he betrayed Gi-hun again by voting O. This is particularly cold-hearted when you think about the fact that the money pool would only only climb if more players die the next game. Thatโ€™s what the Oโ€™s bank on. Yet, Gi-hun was never able to stay angry, and trusted him to the very end.
It kind of shows that Gi-hun canโ€™t really distinguish from good or bad, and he is uniquely soft-hearted. If someone kicked while he was down, he would probably apologize.
To someone like In-ho, who pretty much seems to be the opposite of Gi-hun in every possible way, I think this kind of attitude makes him angry. But I think at the same time itโ€™s what causes his obsession. In a self-indulgent evil world with bored rich people, organ traffickers, and cannibals (probably) โ€” a person like Gi-hun is an impossibility.
Therefore, in order to satisfy his curiosity, In-ho has to test the boundaries of Gi-hunโ€™s humanity. Heโ€™s willing to indulge Gi-hun without letting him escape. (For example, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s a coincidence that the Salesman was at the airport when Gi-hun was ready to leave for America. This has In-ho written all over it). He lets Gi-hun join the games, but he wonโ€™t let him keep the tracker. He lets the players vote each round, but ensures the Xโ€™s are never the majority. He lets Gi-hun stage a rebellion, but wonโ€™t let him succeed.
And yet, In-ho would rather let Gi-hun think he died than reveal to Gi-hun that he is the Frontman โ€“ arguably something that would hurt him even more.
Is this subconsciously a way out that heโ€™s leaving himself? He knows Gi-hun could forgive him being a coward, because Gi-hun is capable of forgiving anything.
Or is it something worse. I think if you meet someone that can forgive anything, then the most special existence to that person โ€” isnโ€™t it the one person they are capable of hating?
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bibibbon ยท 2 days ago
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From the takes, I have seen a lot of people think that jayce and viktor have an all say in hextech, but that isn't true. Sure, they can stop working and they wouldn't really face huge consequences but a huge flaw about both jayce and viktor is that they're people who see a corrupt system, try and change the corrupt system from the inside just to get swallowed by said corrupt system and end up adding onto the corruption. To sum it up, they are both consumed by their desire to help and their ambition. That is their tragedy, and its something consistently referenced to in the series.
From what we see in Act 2, jayce's and viktor's resources are heavily and I mean heavily patronaged by the kirramans. This is why you see cassandra showing off jayce as the inventor of the hexgates in episode 4 progress day. This is why you see the kirraman symbol almost everywhere when it comes to the hextech stuff. Even in jayce's own speech, it's his houses symbol, AND the kirramans. The polished and safe hextech gemstones are in a kirraman box. Their latest invention literally doesn't have their symbols on it. The only symbol it has is literally the kirraman's.
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Also, viktor never ends up being mentioned as a designer for the hexgates even though caitlyn knows just how close viktor and jayce were, and it seems so intentional with the way cassandra was mainly promoting jayce you can see it look back at the progress day episode.
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When talking about what THEY want to do with hextech, their conversation ends up being very telling of the circumstances they are in.
The council heavily regulates all hextech productions and jayce does point out that he feels quite annoyed at not being able to prioritise their plans which is to give hextech/magic to the world, to have it be a resource that benefits all life. Viktor returns the same sentiment in another episode, reminding jayce of their goal when it came to hextech, their pledge to help the people in need.
The only major thing that hextech was being used for was the hexgates which I find really interesting how the council and heimendinger by extension allowed such a big project as the hexgates but he was hesitant to allow jayce's and viktor's minor projects. Mind you, the hexgates are way bigger in terms of scale, and they are also something that somehow only took 7 or less years to build but heimendinger is here telling them that they both need a decade before their plans could be set in place.
We find out later in the series that the hexgates were causing heavy pollution and corruption, but did they know? Did they try and warn the council? Did they try and do anything? What did heimerdinger say? Is this another way heimendinger failed them and, by extension, the city?
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I imagine that if they did bring it up to the council, the councillors like hoskel, salo, and even shoola would have dismissed it by bringing up the fact that their shipments can't wait just like they did when jayce and viktors lab was raided on progress day.
Maybe this is me reading too much into it, but jayce's wording towards the council is so interesting here. The use of the word "recommend" is almost as if the only thing he could really do is advise them, as someone not in the council (yet) jayce doesn't have the chance to really put his foot down and demand a complete shut down of the hexgates and suspension of their project.
Another interesting detial is that when people talk of the hexagates, they always talk about how it can transport people, but we never see that. The council only ever talks about the transport of shipments instead. So, do you think that jayce and viktor wanted to create the hexgates for the transport benefits of people, but it just ended up being for shipments instead? Jayce did seem a bit unsatisfied with the hexgates, labelling it as something that he had to do for the council, not really something that he did for the people?
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Mind you, this is all before episode 6. I mention this because episode 6 is the same episode that introduces the hexcore into the equation where they (ambition is their flaw) boarden their horizon and start to deviate heavily from their original goals.
Jayce and viktor quickly end up losing sight of their goals to help people as they start to use hextech and the hexcore as benefits for them specifically and heimerdinger does call them out on it and the dangers that the hexcore itself brings. When heimerdinger talks to jayce and viktor about the destruction of this material, he is only talking about the hexcore, not hextech. Heimerdinger deems the hexcore as dangerous something that viktor described as an "adaptive and learning version of the hexcore".
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Again after their own experiences with hextech in general both jayce and viktor come to the understanding that they strayed far from their dream that they have failed and them trying to get zaun's independence is painted as them trying to redeem themselves, trying to finally give something to the people that they wanted to help because they couldn't benefit them from hextech.
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In the end, you can also argue that jayce and viktor's plans were heavily flawed for a variety of reasons. Like I said in a perfect system, their plans could work, but again, you're in a system filled to the brim with corruption. Your dream is bound to be corrupted by external forces and YOU!
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In the end, we don't get much of this because arcane chose to drop the political plot line and how the council really did affect a lot of people. This isn't me saying jayce and viktor are innocent because they also share a lot of the fault for THEIR OWN experiments but it's me saying that the council is heavily to blame and its not something that the show ever touches upon.
An important part of Jayce and Viktorโ€™s story that some people tend to forget is that they donโ€™t have nearly as much input on hextech as some people think they do. Like yeah they made it but they have to grovel in the dirt to get the funding to continue making it. They are not the ones in charge, not by a long shot. Jayce talks about how they always have to do what the council asks of them (building the hex gates, stabilizing the crystals, etc) and how theyโ€™ll finally take back hextech for themselves once they fulfill their demands (they donโ€™t even get the chance to do that!). If they even thought of trying to provide hextech to the undercity before that, theyโ€™d definitely be immediately shut down.
Jayce was extremely influential at hextechโ€™s prime, yes, but he will NEVER be on the same level as the ones who fund his and Viktorโ€™s work because they are old, old money and he is nothing more than the son of a lower house. Though the Talis crest flies during progress day, the hex crystals are held in a case with a Kiramman crest. Hextech wasnโ€™t theirs, really, and itโ€™s why Piltover continued to rise to even greater heights while Zaun was left in the dust to rot.
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moanz111 ยท 2 days ago
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โœฉยฐโ‹†๏ฝก system error โ‹†๏ฝกยฐโœฉ - 34
chapter 34 โœง - i'm sorry - written +texts
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synopsis โœง you've always dreamt of having your fantasy-like love story. naturally, hearing the sweet melodic ring of your love alarm was what you wanted the most, right? until it actually happened. four times.
wc โœง 1.4 k
pairing โœง uni student! choi san x fem! uni student! reader
warnings/tags โœง instant attraction (just soulmates stuff), party mentioned, getting drunk (but not to the point of not being able to make decisions), angst, miscommunication (more like not enough communication)(sorry), san's kind of insecure, heartbreak, unhealthy coping mechanism (self-distancing), this is very long so get ready, everyone's confused, use of a pet name (yunjin calls reader baby but she always does so...)(i always forget to tag it sawryy), lmk if i've missed something
Being a senior in university wasnโ€™t as fun as many would think. Too many classes, too many assignments, too many dance routines to memorise and quite literally nothing of much interest happening around you.
At least, that was Sanโ€™s reality. Wake up, work out, go to classes, practice with Yeonjun and Wooyoung, go home, sleep, repeat.ย  It wasnโ€™t like it was that bad, but a little fun wouldnโ€™t kill anyone, right?
San kept wondering what was missing, what was that thing that his soul kept yearning for? He had considered taking a gap year or even completely changing his major, but nothing seemed to really hit home the more he thought about it. Start a job? With that schedule it was out of the question. Dating? Well, there were potential prospects around him, but it was too much work and emotional investment.
That was until the day he met you.ย 
At first, it wasnโ€™t anything evoking excitement in him. As usual, his friends were going to drag him to the freshman welcoming party to โ€œscareโ€ the newcomers, but San didnโ€™t really want to do that or talk to any people or get drunk or dance, but duty called, as Wooyoung had said back then, and had dragged him to Changbinโ€™s front door mercilessly along with their roommates. All San had to do was put on his most charming smile, hang around for an hour or two and then he would make his escape with Yunho so they could play video games in peace.ย 
Plans change, though, and very drastically even.ย 
San knew your friends very well - Yunjin and Jongho had the same majors so he saw her often at their plays (whenever Jongho let him come, of course), Beomgyu and Jeongin were his gaming buddies and Kai was their friend so of course, he had hung out with him too, but the only mysterious person in there was you. He thought you looked beautiful with your messy hair and your casual clothes on, with your shy smile and blushing cheeks as you shook his hand while saying your name quietly.ย 
He couldnโ€™t say he had fallen in love before and he didnโ€™t really believe in love at first sight, but that weird feeling growing inside his heart was definitely something he had to keep an eye on. He had liked people and had dated a few times which all ended in disappointment, but secretly all he wished for was for his love alarm to ring. All these romance movies that kept him up at night, the fated meetings they portrayed - he kept wondering if that was something you could actually experience or was it just a play, orchestrated for poor hopeless romantics like him? Not that he had ever found someone he could share his thoughts with.
The night he met you he was no different - it wasnโ€™t as if he suddenly gained the courage to strike a conversation or even flirt like Wooyoung liked saying he was supposed to when he saw someone he was interested in. So he did what he did best - he admired you from a distance. Occasionally, you would sit together or would exchange a word or two in the middle of all the chaos that was happening around you, with hundreds of students surrounding you, but nothing more until Mingi gathered all of your friends together to play truth or dare in Changbinโ€™s bedroom while the party downstairs was at its peak.
San thought it was the most childish thing in the world but he still sat down opposite of you and joined the game reluctantly. Only because you were there.
He didnโ€™t know why he took so much interest in you or why his heart fluttered when your laugh echoed in the room or when you smiled sweetly at him. There was some sort of a pull as if you two were two opposites of a magnet about to collide and he couldnโ€™t wrap his mind around what all of that meant, especially not after he had taken 5 shots as a penalty for refusing to answer Wooyoungโ€™s invasive questions.
After a while, all of you had got bored and had just splattered around the room, engaging in quiet conversations with each other, enjoying the peacefulness of the night. Gathering his courage, San had approached you after your friends had left your side and he, once again, was surprised with himself. He truly thought you wouldnโ€™t want to stay next to him on the floor in front of Changbinโ€™s bed, but you did. You talked and talked and talked about anything and everything, you joked, you laughed and when you leaned on his shoulder, San thought his heart was going to explode.
It must be the alcohol. But it wasn't. San felt more sober than ever. He felt alive and the night was still young so after taking one more shot each, both of you went downstairs to join the party.ย 
And just like that, you were standing in front of him, the purple and blue neon lights illuminating your features and all San could do was try not to stare too much. The loud music, engulfing any other sound in the room, was drumming loudly and you swayed your body to the rhythm, laughing and holding Sanโ€™s hands in an effort to make him let loose and have fun. It was working because he didnโ€™t remember when he had had fun like that with anyone else. At a party. In Changbinโ€™s house.
The more you danced, the more San was letting the butterflies in his stomach erupt. He believed dancing could reveal a lot about the person and he thought you were stunning. But he had already thought that at least a million times before. His drunken brain, however, couldnโ€™t come up with many creative and showstopping compliments at that moment but mentally he made a note to tell you much more the next time he saw you which he hoped was going to be very soon.
Suddenly, a slower song started playing. San couldnโ€™t really remember its name but the next thing he knew was that your hands were around his neck, his on your hips and you were both mere centimeters away from each other. Your soft shining eyes were looking at him with such intensity that he thought he was going to melt there and then. Slowly moving together, San felt as if you two were the only people in the room.ย 
The world had stopped spinning for a few moments, he couldโ€™ve sworn. Only you, your warmth and your shimmering eyes were all that mattered. His grip on you tightened and now you were closer than ever. San could feel your breath on his neck as you buried your head in its crook and your heartbeat (or was it his?) was pulsating between you two, making his cheeks burn.ย 
As the song came to an end and a new one started, you pulled away from him slightly, making him pout at the loss of contact. โ€œSan, Iโ€ฆโ€
San could swear he was going to pass out right there, in your arms, as your fingers dug into the back of his neck, brushing against his hair. His eyes were on your lips, still shining from the lipgloss you were wearing, and then he moved his gaze to your pleading eyes. You were so close, yet so far as San started leaning down slowly and then
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
San hadnโ€™t heard a sound like that before. It seemed like a normal notification but it also sounded different. Maybe a bit higher? A bit more melodic?
And then you pulled away, leaving him breathing in and out slowly. What if that was the love alarm? Was it yours? Or his? Was he just hearing things?
โ€œIโ€™m sorry, I think Yunjin is calling me. Iโ€™ll go over to the kitchen to call her,โ€ you said, raising your voice in an attempt to fight the noise and San nodded. It wasnโ€™t as if he was going to just leave you. Especially not after what was about to happen before your phone had rung.ย 
He watched you make your way through the crowd and just now San noticed how many people were around you two. Maybe even your friends were somewhere here but he couldnโ€™t recognise anyone, not while his brain was in this dazed state.
Taking out his phone with trembling hands to check for any texts, San furrowed his brows as he saw the top notification.
from 1111
Congratulations! You have found your match!
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note โœง here it is finally - san's pov! i wasn't really sure how to handle this situation and if i did it well; this was probably the hardest chapter to ever write just because i wanted to convey san's feelings and pov the best way possible and actually make it make sense and be valid ๐Ÿ˜ญ he just needs a hug and so does reader :( dealing with feelings of any kind is never easy.
i really hope you liked this chapter (i rewrote it around 5-6 times) and feedback will be greatly appreciated because it's my first time writing something angsty like this ๐Ÿ˜ญ i promise not to make it too painful from now on but a growth in both of them is needed so bear with me :<
taglist โœง @flamingi @huachengsbestie01 @minihong99 @staytinyluv @luvpeachkes @gh9sty @dawn-iscozy @zaraxnid @latisthegenderfluidwannabealone
taglist is open! <3
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simpingthesimp ยท 21 hours ago
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"Smile!"
So... Here comes a little scenario
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Ortho after book 6 has been very interested in developing his own identity, thanks to this he joined the Film Research Club. How interesting human emotions are, aren't they? And even more interesting are one's own emotions.
Cay Cay found out (through gossip and insistence to Idia) about the new search of our favorite robot, one day he approached him and recommended him to open an account in Magicam, he said "why not?" although by himself he could already extract all the information from this social network.
The first thing he recommended was to take a selfie (as usual) with a filter that was trending "take pictures with this filter with your friends!".
Huh, funny enough, Ortho liked the feeling of being able to share a photo with someone even if it was with the vague excuse of a trend.
He thought it would be ideal for his first publication to be a photo with a loved one sharing such a trivial moment, so naturally his first choice was Idia.
Flying (literally) he arrived at Ignyhide looking for his brother to complete his little self-imposed mission, opening the door to their shared room to find an Idia playing as usual.
โ€” Idia! Are you free? I want to ask you something!
Idia asks for a moment for the person she was apparently teaming up with on call to answer his brother.โ€” Huh? Did something happen, Ortho? I'm not that busy but...
โ€” Cater showed me a Magicam trend and I wanted to try it with you
โ€” That normie thing-? Maybe we could try it later, but I think I can't rn, you know
Despite his brother's attempt the boy knew that it was not exactly his will to participate in something as extroverted as that. A little more discouraged, the robot began to float around the campus aimlessly giving his brother some space. Without much thought he arrived at the library and saw the prefect, strangely without the company of Grim and the Adeuce. They told him that they were studying for the professor Trein's next exam. The others weren't as worried as they were to stick their butts in the seat.
With a bit of small talk, the subject of Magicam came up.
โ€” I'm not so used to taking photos of myself...but we can try, why not?
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Wow, that was longer than I expected, I feel like I'm getting better at my writing (or maybe I was able to write something since I had something in mind)
Disclaimer!
If you come here to complain let me tell you that I won't even respond to you and I will just block you, I don't have the energy to be fighting with people and your complaint is not going to make me stop liking Ortho or anything I like, don't waste your time :p
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silusvesuius ยท 6 months ago
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testing out drawing maormer ๐Ÿชธ๐Ÿš๐Ÿชธ and a nelvas ๐Ÿงฃ๐Ÿ“œ๐Ÿฉท i'll ramble about maormer a bit in the tags
#tes#skyrim#my art#do you like my nelvas emojis๐Ÿงฃ๐Ÿ“œ๐Ÿงฃ๐Ÿ“œ get it? scarf๐Ÿค— and scroll๐Ÿค— Everything hurts sofucking bad#anyways i talked about them wif my friend quite a bit i basically 'agree' w/ everything that is written about them && their biology in -#- canon; except tes is very much all Talk and no good actual visual presentation of what it's talking about#cus all of the maormer look like garboooo likeee what am i looking @#but since this is just a first test i think i'll keep playing around with their looks later; they are most close to altmer obvi in the -#- sense of how 'mutated' they r. however maormer are more gross looking for the typical human#they do have flat faces and alldat in canon already but i want them to just have nostrils and no real nose bridge#and they have no lips๐Ÿ˜ they also have very visible gums. && have anglerfish teeth#what would be fur on other mer is just scales on them and is placed is scattered in the same places#i was thinking of making swimming most comfortable for them so i gave them more fins#they'd have them on arms and legs and the hair on the tail for them is just a big fin๐Ÿ #as for hair i'm thinking of them having none of it at all bcos it looks sooooo ugly on them it's very unnerving to see hair on fish#either no hair at all or something with a different texture. like slimy silky thin seaweed#or the hair that m*necraft striders have LMAO#webbed fingers is cuuuute they'd have webbed armpits like they're those flying rodents๐Ÿฟ lol#i'd place their gills on both the neck and their ribs#whenever they wear clothes they tie their arm and leg fins up ; i think from birth they just stay in water until they hit puberty and -#- r able to actually walk around#another cute fact is that males and females wud look literally the same almost (women are flat chested too)#fish fish fish#maybe i'll rethink some stuff. i still wanna draw fish babies#but in reality i think even the mere existence of maormer is very pointless bc they don't really matter at all do they#tes lore is soooo overstuffed that's why i don't know anything about it my time is so valuable to meLMFAOAOOO#saw a typo in this sorry i'm just chill like that
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red-the-dragon-writes ยท 8 months ago
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Fishing Habits
Summary:
โ€œI know what youโ€™re doing,โ€ Dan said without preamble. โ€œHuh?โ€ Jay said. โ€œOh, right. I know you work for the school, but I didnโ€™t think youโ€™d be that much of a hardass.โ€ โ€œWhat?โ€ Dan said. Jay paused, looking Dan over for a moment. โ€œActually, what are you talking about? I donโ€™t think weโ€™re on the same page.โ€ โ€œWith the fish,โ€ Dan clarified. Jay raised the odd ridges of flesh over his eyes that functioned as eyebrows. โ€œIโ€™m mer, you asshole. I can talk to them. They told me what fucked-up shit youโ€™ve been pulling. Whatโ€™s your problem?โ€ โ€œSometimes I get hungry,โ€ Jay said. โ€œCan I see your notes now?โ€
Dan is an ordinary merman-pretending-to-be-a-human. Jay is... something else entirely. He seems like a really pleasant guy, except for how freaked out all the fish are. And Dan's college has just opened a new aquarium...
On Ao3 here.
There was an understanding, which had been in place as long as Dan could remember, that meant that one must not reveal the existence of The Supernatural to human society, and if one did the people they made the reveal to needed to be dealt with in some wayโ€”sworn to secrecy, brought into the fold of the Oceanic, or even, at absolutely worst, killed. Dan didnโ€™t want to deal with it. There was a lot of paperwork involved in fucking up the order of things, and it was a huge hassle, and also there was a lot of risk involved. It wasnโ€™t like Dan had any real need to reveal heโ€™d grown up under the Pacific rather than in it, anyway. And his parents were living off the coast of Oregon now anyway, so he didnโ€™t even have to do that much lying about it. It was easy and he kept it well under wraps.
He did five years of field work before they told him they were going to require him to come back to the university and teach at a handful of classes before heโ€™d be allowed back out into the field or heโ€™d lose his position, which also meant losing most of his source of funding and the grant he was working with. They offered to let him teach it remotely, of courseโ€”the department chair apologizing profusely the entire timeโ€”but Dan was doing altogether too much of the work from six hundred feet below the surface of the Atlantic and that just wouldnโ€™t work out. No way to maintain The Secret. Instead he resigned himself to another few years living on land and away from the fishes, rented an apartment, and returned to Spokane to teach two sessions of classes about saltwater ecology in the Pacific to incoming students and one class on field work to older biology majors. Oh well. At least he could visit home on the weekends.
Since his own research was put on pause and the college did promise to pay for his tuition, Dan opted to take a handful of classes, too. What else was he going to do? He was still in touch with the rest of the field crew, and when they finally started writing, sure, heโ€™d refocus onto that, but at the moment he wasnโ€™t going to be of any help. And in one of the classes was a gray man.
You werenโ€™t allowed to do that, but he was doing it. Dan was perfectly certain that there were laws against being out in the open with visibly-discolored flesh across all the major out-of-sight jurisdictions, and he was also pretty sure the Sideways Court was still offering free glamours for anyone who desperately needed into human society and also could prove beyond a reasonable doubt that they couldnโ€™t just change their colors themselves, though Dan had also heard that the paperwork to prove either was a nightmare and the Sideways Court sounded just kind of awful to boot. ย The Oceanic North-Pacific Authority was a lot better in a lot of ways. God knew applying for his visa was a nightmare of bureaucracy. But the point was: the gray man was openly flouting the rules. And worse than just being gray alone, he also had horns. His fingernails were blue, his teeth were sharp and needle-shaped, and his eyes had no pupils, just scleras and black centers that looked like hollow glass marbles. He had ripples crisscrossing his skin like vines growing just beneath the surface, and though Dan couldnโ€™t be sure, he thought his body was a weird consistency, too, that he bent further than Dan expected when he bumped into things or wore a heavy bag over his shoulders. There was no way his appearance was legal. Dan felt for him, because it had to be difficult doing all that, but it wasnโ€™t allowed. Heโ€™d probably get in trouble for just being around it, if someone came and found out and reported the guy and Dan hadnโ€™t said anything.
Still. Dan had to respect it. And it was interesting to see how fast the other students got used to Jay and his gray skin and his horns and his eerie pupil-less eyes. Honestly, Dan was kind of disappointed in himself. His initial anxiety was unfair, wasnโ€™t it? It was the laws that were unfair. Human society clearly wasnโ€™t the problem it was cracked up to be.
Eventually Dan worked up the courage to tell Jay that he was mer. He wasnโ€™t sure what he had been expecting. Jay had just nodded, shrugged, and said, โ€œCool.โ€ That was it. And, honestly, as far as Dan was concerned, that was plenty. He didnโ€™t need to be friends with a twenty-something nonconformistโ€”or however old Jay was; he hadnโ€™t asked, reallyโ€”and just because they were both in the same class didnโ€™t mean anything, really. They knew each otherโ€™s names, and Jay occasionally asked Dan for notes. That was plenty.
-
Dan wasnโ€™t much of a partier and he wasnโ€™t much of a night owl, and he didnโ€™tโ€™ spend a lot of time out of the house. What he did was usually at a river somewhere. Spokane was gorgeous and full of lively fish, and by virtue of his heritage Dan could chat. Fish didnโ€™t usually have a lot to talk about, but something had them in a tizzy when Dan finally made it out to his favorite spot, and they were particularly anxious to tip him off.
At first, he couldnโ€™t make heads or tails of why it mattered to him that someone had developed new lures (aside from how his job was kind of to keep an eye on what people were doing with his rivers and all). But it came together eventually. Jay had something weird about him. Heโ€™d started coming to the water just like Dan hadโ€”here and elsewhereโ€”and chatting, just like Dan had. And Dan had lured them into a sense of security. They shouldโ€™ve been secure, talking! Even when Dan was hungry he didnโ€™t eat the fish he talked to! But to talk to Jay was dangerous. Fish that talked to Jay too long vanished. And he had strange lures, luminescent sweet blue worms that made fish dizzy and sick if they bit them off and which moved even when torn apart until they were eaten. The fish insisted, almost en masse, that this strange gray man who chatted up their waters was bad news, and on the whole they badly wanted Dan to find him and make him cut it out.
Dan didnโ€™t even know what to make of it at first. He asked question after question, trying to understand what they meant first and then after to try to ensure they werenโ€™t actually talking about his classmate. The fish were convinced he was unfathomably ancient, even though he was taking first-year classes. But it became too clear that they were the same person after not long at all. A handful even had his name to relay, and even though they pronounced it a little differently, there was no question that he was the same person with the same name. Brazen.
The fish generally knew what predation was and itโ€”well, it bothered them, sure, but it was an understood way of life, and they knew Dan himself ate fish and was part of human society where fishing was done. Theyโ€™d never come to ask him to put an end to regular fishing before. The first and last time any of them had banded together like this, it was six fish, and they wanted him to handle a chemical mess that heโ€™d been almost completely useless about. The fact that he had nearly forty fish across a whole host of species asking him to put a stop to Jayโ€™s hunting meant that something about that guy was very, very off.
At least, when it came to the fish.
Still, Dan didnโ€™t want to jump to conclusions. Maybe he was just a weirdo. But he had access to most of the college labs, and there were fishtanks in several buildings, and soโ€”nervously and feeling like he certainly looked a bit out of his mindโ€”he went around, talking to the fish there. He didnโ€™t like what he found. All the fish knew Jay. There was no doubt he could and did talk to them, often at odd hours when the fish said that they were typically bored, which meant he was on campus late at night and early in the morning sneaking in to talk with them. Several tanks were apparently head-over-heels charmed. Others, these fewer and further between and, Dan noted after a short while poking around, more likely to have deaths in the fish population waved off than more carefully-managed tanks, told Dan nervously that Jay wasnโ€™t what he seemed. That he had been charming and pleasant and had these magnificent worm lures that theyโ€™d never seen before, and then without warning heโ€™d coaxed one of them into his hands and ate them, just like that.
These were domestic fishes, indoor fish. Pets, practically. It was alien to them that a person would do that, and it scared them. But it didnโ€™t seem Jay would willingly strike too many times in the same place, rotating tanks out at random. And what for? Sometimes, they said, heโ€™d come back, and chat like nothing had happened even though they all saw him kill one of their number without a thought. There was something wrong with him. Dan, if Dan knew him, should be cautious.
These fish didnโ€™t seem to understand that there was a world of difference between eating a human (or a mer, really) and eating a goldfish, but Dan promised to take the warning under advisement anyway. ย 
-
Upon the day that Dan decided to confront Jay about his weird, creepy fish-eating behavior, several interesting things happened.
The first was simple. A colleague from the Environmental Sciences branch had invited him to downtown Spokane for no clear reason just before when Dan typically took his lunch. Alicia had been a close friend when Dan was doing his dissertation and she was currently working on her own postdoc research a little ways outside Spokane, just far enough from where Dan lived that they only got together so often. She told him that it was a surprise, and ot to look anything up about the location, so he obligingly didnโ€™t.
It turned out to be an aquarium. More than that, it was an aquarium owned and run jointly by the college and a handful of others, and while it was still in the final stages before opening, Danโ€”by virtue of his employment with the school and his own degree focus in fish care and fish wellnessโ€”was welcome back whenever, provided he told them what he was doing and didnโ€™t meddle unexpectedly. They wanted him to give his thoughts on a couple of tanks. And the tanks were fascinating. For some reason, whoever had done the design of the building had had a vision and theyโ€™d executed it; the tanks looked like classrooms-turned-reefs, replicas of desks and tables cast in plaster and then given coral to grow over them, furnished with lighting that looked like fluorescent strip lights in classrooms and even sometimes sporting false windows out to the street. And all the while, inside, sharks and huge groupers and small brightly-colored reef fish and schooling fish and others besides serenely went about their business. It was inspired, it really was. His parents wouldโ€™ve gotten such a kick out of it.
Alicia had shown him around, and then theyโ€™d gotten food. ย It was a very nice afternoon, all things told.
The second was less pleasant. Just as he and Alicia were going their separate ways, Dan got an email from the school about a missing student, a request for more information if anyone had any. They had last been seen about a week before, and their car had just turned up abandoned at Lake Wenatchee, a state park a little ways outside Spokane. Dan hadnโ€™t seen that happen before. Unfortunate, but not anyone he knew. He filed it away mentally and had pretty much stopped thinking about it by the time he got back to his apartment.
The third, and most objectively inconsequential, was that his first afternoon class had been canceled. His professor had come down with the flu. ย 
And, finally, though they didnโ€™t have class together today, Jay had called Dan and asked to meet with him. Evidently Jay had missed a lecture, or maybe several, and wanted to see Danโ€™s notes. The timing was just right.
โ€œI know what youโ€™re doing,โ€ Dan said without preamble.
โ€œHuh?โ€ Jay said. ย โ€œOh, right. I know you work for the school, but I didnโ€™t think youโ€™d be that much of a hardass.โ€
โ€œWhat?โ€ Dan said.
Jay paused, looking Dan over for a moment. โ€œActually, what are you talking about? I donโ€™t think weโ€™re on the same page.โ€
โ€œWith the fish,โ€ Dan clarified. Jay raised the odd ridges of flesh over his eyes that functioned as eyebrows. โ€œIโ€™m mer, you asshole. I can talk to them. They told me what fucked-up shit youโ€™ve been pulling. Whatโ€™s your problem?โ€
โ€œSometimes I get hungry,โ€ Jay said. โ€œCan I see your notes now?โ€
โ€œSometimes you get hungry?โ€ Dan echoed. It took him a moment to remember how to form sentences properly. โ€œGo to theโ€”fuckingโ€”there are vending machines all over campus, thereโ€™s a cafeteria, youโ€™re an underclassmen, donโ€™t you have a meal planโ€”you get hungry? Hungry?โ€
Jay looked at Dan as though he were completely unimpressed and completely unmoved. โ€œOkay. Can I see your notes now?โ€
Dan took a deep breath. โ€œJay, Iโ€™m here on behalf of the fish to ask you to cut the shit.โ€
โ€œHuh,โ€ Jay said. โ€œAre you, like, going to let me see your notes, or was this just, you know, pretext to yell at me?โ€
Dan sighed, pulling his knapsack around to see if he could find his notebook. โ€œNo. As much as I think the way that youโ€™ve started going after these fish is creepy as all fuck, I donโ€™t really want your grades to suffer. Stop eating the fish.โ€
Jay shrugged. โ€œI guess I can go out of campus andโ€”โ€
โ€œNo,โ€ Dan said, cutting him off. โ€œNot the campus fish, all the local fish. I first heard about this from the fish in the Spokane. Everyone at Riverside Park is sick of your shit. Itโ€™s creepy, Jay. Whatโ€™s the point of getting all buddy-buddy with fish youโ€™re planning on eating?โ€
Jayโ€™s eyes narrowed. โ€œWhat, should I kill without a thought, then? What if I catch a fish with obligations?โ€
โ€œThatโ€™s not why youโ€™re doing it.โ€
โ€œYouโ€™re right,โ€ Jay said. โ€œItโ€™s not. But it is a consideration, among many. I donโ€™t think itโ€™s as bad as you think. And, no, I wonโ€™t be stopping any time soon.โ€
Dan shook his head and threw the notebook at the table. โ€œGive it back to me when we have class again. And after that, I donโ€™t want to hear from you.โ€
โ€œWhatโ€™s the big problem?โ€ Jay said, suddenly sounding much more concerned. โ€œAcanthis, theyโ€™re just fish.โ€
โ€œTheyโ€™re not just fish to me,โ€ Dan snapped. โ€œIโ€™m mer, you asshole. Itโ€™s not the same. Andโ€”the way you do it is creepy. I donโ€™t like it. Just because I know fish arenโ€™t people to you doesnโ€™t mean they donโ€™t matter to me.โ€
โ€œOh,โ€ Jay said. โ€œThe issue is that I eat fish?โ€
โ€œI eat fish!โ€ Dan said. โ€œAre you beingโ€”are you being willfully stupid now? The problem is that youโ€™re making friends with the fish you eat!โ€
โ€œAh,โ€ Jay said. โ€œYeah, no, sorry, thereโ€™s nothing you can do about that. Itโ€™s been good knowing you, Acanthis. Thanks for the notes.โ€
โ€œFuck yourself,โ€ Dan said, rather charitably, as far as he was concerned, and stormed back out of the library.
-
Jay did not stop preying on the fish. He did stop asking Dan for notes. He did also return Danโ€™s notebook, in about the same condition as heโ€™d taken it, but there was an odd blue stain on one page.
ย And life continued as it normally did. The class continued. Dan got familiar with the professor, a lovely older woman called Dr. Bernadotte Maragou, who was very sweet and worked in the Health Sciences department but was still nonetheless teaching an ecology course because the school was lacking a professor to teach it and she had the necessary bioinformatics background. Unfortunately, Jay did, too. He wasโ€”to everyone else, at leastโ€”charming, or at least something like it. To hear Bernie speak, he was sweet and helpful and wouldnโ€™t hurt a fly. ย But if she could hear the fish, sheโ€™d think he was the devil. All everyone elseโ€™s adoration served to do was make Dan like him even less.
Still, the end of the semester approached apace, and Dan kept his focus on himself and his friends as much as he was able. Most of the fish that Dan was familiar with knew better than to trust Jay by now, and he heard that Jay was venturing further and causing trouble in different places instead, but he left it alone. Realistically, what was he going to do? It was the only reasonable thing. He stopped by the aquarium on occasion, which was a delight in and of itself, and he got his work done, and he kept in touch with his colleagues in the Atlantic and they kept him posted on what they were seeing with the shark populations they were monitoring. There were some instances of bad newsโ€”the missing student never showed up, and another one or two, Dan wasnโ€™t sure, joined them in vanishing off the face of the earth, but it was a city and these things happened and it didnโ€™t happen to anyone Dan knew. At the end of the day, all was as well as it could really be.
Until it wasnโ€™t. ย 
One week before the end of classes, Bernadotte announced to the class as a whole that the university was going to launch the aquarium publicly, explaining briefly what it was and much more rapidly turning to something worse: that, as a pre-opening event, the Environmental Sciences college was hosting an event and anyone enrolled in an CoES class was welcome, for free and everything. Dan watched Jay perk up, visibly interested. Absolutely not.
It was one thing to be eating goldfish from the tank and wild fish out of the river. It was something else entirely to start eating out of an aquarium. Dan couldnโ€™t help but feel protective over a project heโ€™d helped with, too, even if it hadnโ€™t been that much help. He knew a lot of those fish. He was absolutely not letting this rule-flaunting, skeevy asshole fuck it all up.
He accosted Jay outside class. โ€œYou are not going to that aquarium.โ€
โ€œThe one with the art installations?โ€ Jay said. โ€œYes I am. Do you want something, Acanthis?โ€
โ€œWould you quit calling me by my last name? Stay out of those fucking fish tanks.โ€
โ€œNo,โ€ Jay said. โ€œI have another class to be at, Acanthis, would you get out of my face?โ€
โ€œThe second anything goes wrong at that aquarium, Iโ€™m pointing the finger at you,โ€ Dan said. โ€œDonโ€™t even fucking think about it. Iโ€™ll know if even a single fish is fucking hurt. If you even speak to them.โ€
โ€œAcanthis. I have places to be,โ€ Jay said. โ€œMove, or Iโ€™m pushing you.โ€
โ€œThis is the only warning Iโ€™m fucking giving you,โ€ Dan growled. โ€œTake it. Stay out of the fucking aquarium.โ€
Jay scoffed and shouldered past Dan. Dan made no effort not to be pushed out of the way, but called after Jay, โ€œI mean it!โ€
Jay shook his head, like he was rolling his eyes where Dan couldnโ€™t see them, and kept walking. ย So the aquarium was screwed, basically.
-
Dan knew he was being a little unreasonable. He wasnโ€™t going to let that stop him, though.
Asking around turned up that Jay likely didnโ€™t have a car, so Dan figured that he was going to try to catch a ride with someone else to the aquarium. It was hardly walking distance, from campus to the center of downtown Spokane. Trying to stop Jay from getting a carpool was going to be hard, but not impossible, of course. Heโ€™d figure something out. If he could even figure out who was bringing Jayโ€ฆ
โ€ฆwhich turned out to be easier than Dan had expected. Two days after the announcement in class, Bernie had announced that sheโ€™d gotten some students who were struggling to make it to the aquarium location, and she would be organizing carpools. That just meant that Dan needed to see who got Jayโ€™s name and somehow convince them not to bring Jay. These were students. He could probably bribe them, or ply them with cookies and alcohol, or something. Wouldnโ€™t be too hard.
It wasnโ€™t to be. Bernie ended up with three kids on overflow, and Jay was one of them. Bernie was a really lovely lady, and sweet as they came. And there was absolutely no way Dan was going to be able to tell her what the issue was without having to answer difficult questions about himself, and besides, sheโ€™d probably insist that he was being too hard on Jay and there was a good reason to eat goldfish after telling them you thought they were the best individual fish on the planet or something. So just telling Jayโ€™s transportation to leave him behind unexpectedly was out of the plan.
Eventually, in a fit of desperation, Dan asked Bernie if he could catch a ride with her along with the other three students. She said that he could, and that itโ€™d be a little cramped but there would still be room for everyone.
The night before the event, Dan started asking around again, trying to find Jay to warn him off a second time. This time he didnโ€™t succeed. Everyone knew who he was, of course, but no one could quite find him. One girl even asked Dan if he thought Jay was โ€nextโ€โ€”baffling Dan, and when he asked what she meant, she started carrying on about mysterious disappearances and serial killers like she thought they were living in a movie of some sort. No one else Dan spoke to was any more helpful. Jay had to be off-campus somewhere, or maybe heโ€™d vanished into thin air. Dan wasnโ€™t optimistic enough to trust in the latter, but he crossed his fingers anyway. That would be one disappearance Dan wouldnโ€™t mind, that was for sure.
The inexorable march of time went on, as it always did. Tomorrow rolled around. Dan woke up on the morning of the aquarium event and knew that this was it. He was out of time. He just had to find some way to make it happen.
This time, he succeeded in waylaying Jay. It was by chance, evenโ€”he caught sight of Jayโ€™s stupid gray horns just barely peeking out over the sea of faces at the front doors to the library and zeroed in on Jay as fast as he could. He grabbed Jay by the arm and couldnโ€™t suppress a second of distaste at the texture of Jayโ€™s fleshโ€”strangely squishy and stiff all at once, like a very full water balloon instead of flesh with bones in itโ€”and then Jay whirled around. โ€œAcanthis?โ€
Dan opted not to call him on the name thing this time. โ€œThis is the last time Iโ€™m going to say it. Stay away from the aquarium.โ€
โ€œDidnโ€™t you say last time was going to be the only warning?โ€ Jay said.
โ€œI am so serious,โ€ Dan said. โ€œYou do not want to test me on this. Stay away from the aquarium! Do I make myself clear?โ€
โ€œUh-huh. Enjoy the rest of your day, Acanthis.โ€ Jay started to pull away from Dan, and Dan grabbed his arm tighter. His odd glassy eyes narrowed. โ€œYouโ€™re going to want to let go of me right now.โ€
โ€œTell me youโ€™ll stay away from the aquarium.โ€
Jay wrenched his arm away from Danโ€™s grip, much harder than Dan expected. His knuckles ached at the sudden force; he could swear he heard one of his joints crack. โ€œI told you to let go of me, didnโ€™t I? I donโ€™t know how to say this politely, Acanthisโ€”stop telling me to stay away from the aquarium. Iโ€™m allowed to be curious about it just like everyone else is. Just because you have a problem with me doesnโ€™t make it my concern. Iโ€™m tolerating this, because you work here and Iโ€™m probably leaving after another semester. But if you push me, Iโ€™m going to start pushing back. Do I make myself clear?โ€
โ€œI donโ€™t have a problem with you, I have a problem with you eatingโ€”โ€ Dan realized abruptly that they were in public and lowered his voice. โ€œEating the fucking fish! I think that should be fucking understandable.โ€
โ€œNo, you also have a problem with me,โ€ Jay said flatly. โ€œYou are not the only one, and I do not care very much. But you will never be able to dictate what I do and donโ€™t do. You had better get that through your head right the fuck now.โ€
Dan, disbelieving, shook his head. โ€œI canโ€™t fucking believe you.โ€
โ€œGreat,โ€ Jay said, shoving past Dan. He hit Dan in the chest with his shoulder, clearly intentionally. โ€œSee you at the aquarium, Acanthis.โ€
โ€œNo you fucking wonโ€™t!โ€ Dan called after him, but he vanished seamlessly into the crowd before he was even done speaking.
Fucker.
-
Finally, out of ideas, Dan called up a local friend who did some contract work with the Sideways Court and asked them to temporarily hex Bernieโ€™s car. He felt bad about it, but it wouldnโ€™t be any real harm done, and itโ€™d just keep the car from starting for a while. It would stop the other two students from getting to the aquarium either, but Dan was willing to call that an acceptable loss. He turned up at the parking lot next to the cafeteria at the appointed meeting-time even though he knew it wasnโ€™t going to get him anywhere; it seemed only fair to miss it, and besides, that let him keep an eye on Jay.
Jay gave Dan a very dubious look when he arrived. โ€œYouโ€™d better not be waiting here for me, Acanthis.โ€
โ€œNope,โ€ Dan said. โ€œCarpooling.โ€
Jay gave him a long, hard look, and then shrugged and pulled out his phone. โ€œI assume youโ€™ll be dogging my steps all night?โ€
โ€œYouโ€™d best believe it.โ€
โ€œI donโ€™t mean to insult you, Acanthis,โ€ Jay said, โ€œbut this strikes me as a phenomenally stupid plan.โ€
โ€œI keep telling you, my name is Dan,โ€ Dam said. โ€œAnd my plan is fine.โ€
โ€œIโ€™m sure it is,โ€ Jay said, not looking up from his phone. โ€œLook, for all anyone knows, youโ€™re the concern here. Everyone at the library saw you getting handsy and aggressive with me. You have fuck-all in the way of evidence. And Iโ€™mโ€”โ€
A car pulled up along the cement, and Jay cut off, picking his head up. โ€œAh, thereโ€™s Doctor Maragou,โ€ he said, in exactly the same casual tone.
That was weird, and eerie. โ€œHey, Bernie,โ€ Dan called, trying to keep any sort of distrust out of his tone of voice. โ€œHowโ€™s your day been?โ€
โ€œOh, hi, Dan,โ€ Bernie said. โ€œHi Jay! Itโ€™s great to see you both. Have you seen Sophia and Luke?โ€
โ€œNot yet, but thereโ€™s still plenty of time,โ€ Jay said, smiling warmly. โ€œDan, I know youโ€™re closest with Doctor Maragou. Do you want to sit up front?โ€
โ€œGenerous of you,โ€ Dan said, โ€œyeah. Bernie, should we get in now?โ€
โ€œYeah, why not?โ€ Bernie asked. โ€œI think I see Sophia coming over now, anyway. It shouldnโ€™t be too long.โ€
True enough, Sophia was cresting the small hill between the walking path and the parking lot. As Dan watched, Luke, the fourth student, walked over as well. So that was the whole crowd.
Dan didnโ€™t need to jostle around, not in the front seat, but in the back Sophia, Luke, and Jay had to work out seating arrangements; Jay had volunteered to sit in the middle, but there was a little bit of difficulty with the seatbelts, and it took a few minutes of shuffling about before Luke finally announced to Bernie that they ย could start driving. Bernie nodded, smiling, and made to pull out of the parking lot. And then her car made a terrible backfiring noise.
โ€œWhat the hell was that?โ€ Luke blurted. โ€œI mean, um, sorry Professor.โ€
โ€œWhat the hell was that?โ€ Bernie muttered, stepping on the gas again. Nothing happened.
โ€œThatโ€™sโ€ฆ weird,โ€ Sophia said. โ€œProfessor M., has that ever happened before?โ€
โ€œNope,โ€ Bernie said. โ€œIโ€™ve never had any car do that before.โ€
โ€œI can take a look at it,โ€ Sophia said, already opening the door. โ€œIโ€™m good with cars.โ€
โ€œHang on a minute,โ€ Bernie said, turning her key in the ignition. Nothing happened. โ€œAre you sure you know what youโ€™re doing?โ€
โ€œYup,โ€ Sophia said.
โ€œHow sure?โ€ said Bernie, pressing on the gas again.
โ€œVery sure,โ€ Sophia said. โ€œI like cars. Pressing on the gas isnโ€™t going to do anything good if itโ€˜s not igniting, so maybe stop doing that.โ€
Bernie stopped pressing on the gas very quickly. โ€œOkay. You can look under the hood, if you want. Let me come out and look at it with you.โ€
The two of them stood outside the car looking at the hood for a good ten or eleven minutes. Jay made dubious eye contact with Dan through the rearview mirror. Dan pretended not to notice.
โ€œUm,โ€ Luke, the other classmate, said awkwardly after about two minutes of sustained silence. โ€œSo, uh, youโ€™re Professor Acanthis, right?โ€
โ€œYou can call me Dan,โ€ Dan said.
โ€œYeah, but you teach the fieldwork for nonmajors class, right?โ€
โ€œYeah,โ€ Dan said. โ€œWhy?โ€
โ€œIs it particularly hard?โ€ Luke asked. โ€œI mean, work-intensive. Iโ€™m setting up my schedule for next semester.โ€
Dan paused, trying to think about that. โ€œI just started teaching it this semester. I think itโ€™s pretty light, but youโ€™re better off asking one of my students.โ€
โ€œHe means itโ€™s very easy,โ€ Jay said tonelessly. โ€œAcanthis, tell him your late work policy.โ€
โ€œItโ€™s Dan,โ€ Dan said. โ€œAs long as itโ€™s in before the end of the semester, I donโ€™t take points off late work.โ€
โ€œThey meet once a week, thereโ€™s a lab report due but you can work on it in the class, and itโ€™s for nonmajors,โ€ Jay added. โ€œVery easy class. If you want an easy A you should take it.โ€
โ€œHuh,โ€ Luke said. โ€œThanksโ€ฆ Jaaaaaames?โ€
โ€œJay,โ€ Jay said, but now that Dan was listening he pronounced it a little oddly, sort of more like โ€˜Joyโ€™ than โ€˜Jayโ€™. โ€œLuke, right?โ€
โ€œYeah,โ€ Luke said. โ€œAre you planning on taking it next semester? I thought you and Professor Acanthis hadโ€ฆ um.โ€
โ€œDrama?โ€ Jay asked, and laughed under his breath. โ€œNo, itโ€™s nothing serious, but Iโ€™m on the pre-med track. Have to take macrobio field instead. Iโ€™m only in class with Doc Maragou because it qualified as an elective.โ€
โ€œWhatโ€™s the deal, actually?โ€ Luke said. โ€œLike, if you donโ€™t mind me asking, because I heard you guys were really, uhโ€ฆ but you seem chill now.โ€
โ€œLike I said,โ€ Jay said, โ€œitโ€™s nothing serious. Me and Acanthis have a couple disagreements overโ€ฆ I donโ€™t know, I donโ€™t want to get into it. And a friend of a friend was talking shit about me that he believed, but I think weโ€™re over that. Mostly itโ€™s personality clash.โ€
โ€œItโ€™s not personality clash,โ€ Dan said. โ€œHeโ€™s fucked over a few friends of mine and wonโ€™t stop doing it.โ€
Jay raised his eyebrows at Luke, who smiled rather tightly back. โ€œIt is really not that serious. He doesnโ€™t like that I donโ€™t do what he tells me. I get it. I donโ€™t like to be told what to do. Itโ€™s a personality clash. Weโ€™re working it out. This time next year, I imagine you wonโ€™t even hear that me and Acanthis were arguing.โ€
โ€œHuh,โ€ Luke said. โ€œRight.โ€
Dan willed himself not to argue, even though that was blatantly untrue. He didnโ€™t need to hash the whole thing out in front of a human audience. Fortunately, about that point Bernie came back around. โ€œWe canโ€™t figure the problem out,โ€ she said through the driverโ€™s-side door, โ€œso you three might as well come out. Iโ€™m not sure what weโ€™re going to do here.โ€
โ€œDamn,โ€ Luke said.
โ€œItโ€™s a bit of a walk,โ€ Jay said, โ€œand itโ€™ll get us there a little late, but we could take the Six over to Riverside.โ€
Dan turned to look at him, uncomprehending. He could see the other three do the same.
โ€œThe bus,โ€ Jay said. โ€œDonโ€™t any of you go anywhere?โ€
โ€œI only take the campus shuttle,โ€ Luke said. โ€œSorry.โ€
โ€œHuh,โ€ Jay said. โ€œAnyway, if thatโ€™s the plan, we should probably get moving. If we miss the bus weโ€™re going to be waiting for a good hour for the next one.โ€
โ€œI think the event ends at eight,โ€ Bernie said.
โ€œAnd itโ€™s, what, six now?โ€ Jay said. โ€œSo weโ€™ll basically miss it. I donโ€™t particularly want to do that,โ€ he said, making eye contact with Dan with a weird little sedate smile on his face, โ€œso unless anyone has objections, letโ€™s get moving.โ€
โ€œHow far of a walk is it?โ€ Bernie asked.
Jay shrugged. โ€œMaybe a few miles? Itโ€™s at the transit center. Do you know where I mean?โ€
โ€œOh!โ€ Bernie said. โ€œOkay, I think I can do that.โ€
โ€œFan-ta-stic,โ€ Jay said. โ€œLuke, Sophia, you two on board?โ€
โ€œYeah, sure,โ€ Sophia said.
โ€œYou didnโ€™t ask Dan,โ€ Luke said.
โ€œOh, donโ€™t worry,โ€ Jay said. โ€œHeโ€™s going to follow me no matter what I ask him.โ€
โ€œOo-kay,โ€ Luke said. โ€œYeah, Iโ€™ll come.โ€
Jay smiled, waving a hand and starting to walk rather briskly. โ€œAlright. We have half an hour. Letโ€™s move.โ€
Dan had never walked between the campus and the transit center like this before. This part of Spokaneโ€”of Washington, reallyโ€”was gorgeous. Jay kept them hurrying along the side of the road, but Dan and Sophia kept slowing down to look at the trees or the rock faces or the rivers and falling behind. Dan wished he could say it was intentional, but it really was just that beautiful. And because they kept stopping at the same things, he and Sophia had started talking, aimlessly commenting on the trees and the water.
Then the road they were walking along turned into a bridge, high over a wide waterfall. All of them stopped, even Jay.
โ€œThis reminds me of where I grew up,โ€ Sophia said to Dan. โ€œI was walking distance from Wairere as a kid.โ€
Jay turned as though that had caught his attention. โ€œWairere Falls?โ€
โ€œYouโ€™ve been there?โ€ Sophia asked, looking a bit surprised. โ€œYeah.โ€
โ€œThey were more impressive than this, I think,โ€ Jay said. โ€œI donโ€™t know, the last time I was in New Zealand was nearly thirty years ago.โ€
โ€œAotearoa,โ€ Sophia said.
โ€œCouldnโ€™t have been,โ€ Luke said, at about the same time. โ€œHow old are you?โ€
Jay laughed. โ€œYou think someone with a face as plastic as mine looks my age? I appreciate the vote of confidence. Iโ€™m pushing forty.โ€
Was that his cover? That heโ€™d just undergone a bunch of surgeries?
โ€œOh, wow,โ€ Bernie said. โ€œWhat did you do before you decided to go into medicine?โ€
Jay glanced sidelong at Dan. โ€œProfessional fishing. Do you still need a moment to ogle?โ€
โ€œNot hassling us to get moving again already?โ€ Dan asked.
โ€œWeโ€™ve got a little time,โ€ Jay said.
โ€œYou were on us the whole way here,โ€ Sophia said, still staring at the falls.
โ€œYeah, because I knew you were all going to stare here. Itโ€™s a nice waterfall. Take your time. Iโ€™ll tell you when we really have to get a move on.โ€
Dan turned that one over in his head for a moment. Was Jay expecting him to have delayed more intensely? Was that what that actually was? Or was this actually a moment ofโ€ฆ what, generosity in disguise? Jay was such a strange person.
It was a nice waterfall, though, and the water below it looked deep and clear. Dan walked to the part of the railing Jay was leaning on, trying to look subtle, and leaned over. โ€œBetween the two of us, weโ€™re the only ones who can breathe under water.โ€
โ€œI canโ€™t, actually,โ€ Jay said. โ€œI donโ€™t breathe at all.โ€
Dan stopped, looking at him properly. Jay shrugged. โ€œNo lungs. Donโ€™t breathe.โ€
โ€œBut you canย  live under water, right?โ€ Dan did his best to clarify.
โ€œYeah, that I can,โ€ Jay said. โ€œWhat about it?โ€
โ€œHave you ever gone over a waterfall like that? If youโ€™re here, and you were in New Zealand around waterfalls.โ€
Now it was Jayโ€™s turn to look at Dan oddly. โ€œI have, actually. Not often, but I have. Are you about to ask me for advice?โ€
โ€œI justโ€ฆ wonder, I guess,โ€ Dan said. โ€œDoes this one look like itโ€™d be good to jump off of?โ€
Jay was quiet for a moment, studying the water. โ€œWell, depends what you mean by good. Youโ€™ll probably get spun really hard. Impacting the water will probably hurt, but you donโ€™t want to dive or anything here, or youโ€™ll risk hitting the bottom, I think, it doesnโ€™t look that deep to me.โ€
โ€œYou couldโ€™ve just said no,โ€ Dan said.
โ€œThose are the only problems. If you donโ€™t like being disoriented, thatโ€™s on you,โ€ Jay said. โ€œThe water is clean and clear and thereโ€™s no rocky outcroppings to hit yourself into. Itโ€™s pretty damn good, as far as these things go.โ€
โ€œSounds kind of unpleasant.โ€
โ€œItโ€™s ย one of those things,โ€ Jay said, turning toward the other three. โ€œIf you liked it, youโ€™d probably already know that by now, and if you donโ€™t, youโ€™ve never thought about it. Iโ€™m not sure what kind of thrill-seeking mer adolescents get up to, though.โ€
โ€œMe either, really. I lived most of my life on land after I turned twelve.โ€
โ€œHuh,โ€ Jay said. โ€œThatโ€™s why youโ€™re like this.โ€
โ€œLike what?โ€ Dan started, but Jay was already walking toward the other three. โ€œJay!โ€
โ€œWeโ€™re going to get moving again, guys,โ€ Jay said, waving. Bernie, Luke and Sophia reluctantly fell into step behind Jay again. Dan, for his part, hurried up to stand next to him so he could ask what the fuck Jay was talking about.
โ€œWhat do you mean, thatโ€™s why Iโ€™m โ€˜like that?โ€™โ€
โ€œDo you want them hearing? I thought your being here meant you had to be super hush-hush.โ€
โ€œHonestly, Iโ€™ve been wondering this whole time. Why donโ€™t you?โ€
Jay gave him a disbelieving look. โ€œObviously Iโ€™m supposed to.โ€
โ€œWellโ€”youโ€™re not, and no oneโ€™s tried to arrest you yet.โ€
โ€œYouโ€™d be surprised at how low-profile I can be. Plastic surgery,โ€ he said, tapping the ridges of flesh around his eyes, โ€œtattoos, nail polish, and sometimes I can pass the horns off as a headband. Sometimes, if Iโ€™m really worried,โ€ he glanced back at the other three, โ€œtheyโ€™re not looking. Watch this.โ€
Dan turned toward him, not sure what he was about to do, and was completely unprepared for his horns to justโ€”sink back into the top of his forehead seemingly of their own volition. โ€œWhatโ€”?โ€
โ€œItโ€™s uncomfortable, though,โ€ Jay said, replacing them with a gesture that looked more like spitting something out than horns protruding through his face. They were now streaked with some sort of bluish, viscous fluid, like dish soap. Jay ran his hands over them, and then rubbed his hands together, and when he went back to talking neither the horns nor his hands were wet.
โ€œNeat trick,โ€ Dan said, totally astonished.
โ€œHandy, yeah,โ€ Jay said. โ€œLook, not that Iโ€™m not appreciating the conversation not suddenly being you yelling in my face and all, but can I ask what prompted the change of heart?โ€
โ€œNo hearts have been changed. I donโ€™t want you to eat my fish,โ€ Dan said. โ€œBut I canโ€™t see a way to stop you getting to the aquarium, so I guess Iโ€™ll just have to tag around all night like you said I was going to. Might as well make it a little fun, right?โ€
โ€œI suppose that makes sense,โ€ Jay said slowly, not looking as though he understood at all.
-
The bus was miserable, but the aquarium was fantastic, so it balanced out. Dan did tail Jay the whole time, though Jay obligingly let Dan pick over the remnants of the sushi bar before they went around to the exhibits instead of trying to lose Dan so he could go start snatching schooling fish or something. Dan asked him if he wanted anything, concerned as he was for the live fish in the exhibits; Jay demurred. Something about a food allergy, or something; Dan wasnโ€™t sure exactly what he meant but he sure made it sound like there wasnโ€™t anything at the table that wouldnโ€™t somehow make him sick.
Jay was fascinated by the first-floor exhibits that looked like classrooms. Eventually they made it to the second floor, after Jay had done a long loop around the expansive ground level and spent a lot of time in the touch-tank mumbling to a nervous epaulette shark until he could coax it up toward him. Dan didnโ€™t like it then, but it hadnโ€™t been sinister after all, and he was trying to relax. But just after they made it to the second floor, Jay slipped off into the shadows, and Dan just barely caught up to him before Jayโ€”with Danโ€™s keysโ€”slipped behind the Employees Only door and beckoned for Dan to follow.
โ€œWhat the fuck do you think youโ€™re doing,โ€ Dan hissed, as soon as he was inside. โ€œTheyโ€™ll kick you out if youโ€™re back here.โ€
โ€œNot if Iโ€™m with you,โ€ Jay said, which wasnโ€™t true.
โ€œYes, they will. And theyโ€™ll revoke my clearance.โ€
โ€œCome on. I want to talk to the nursery sharks.โ€
โ€œAbsofuckinglutely not,โ€ Dan said. โ€œIโ€™ll tell on both of us.โ€
โ€œWhat the fuck is the big idea?โ€ Jay said. โ€œLook, you can hear both sides of the conversation. And theyโ€™re nursery sharks, and Iโ€™m not even hungry. Iโ€™m curious about living in those drowned fake rooms. Do you know which tank we should be looking for?โ€
โ€œWeโ€™re not doing this,โ€ Dan said.
โ€œAlright, Iโ€™ll find out without you,โ€ Jay shrugged, and started walking. Dan reached out to grab Jayโ€™s arm, andโ€”
Well. Dan didnโ€™t actually know what happened, only that his hand closed on solid-ish flesh, and then it was suddenly not solid under his hand at all, and Jay had sort of just pulled away around his fingers. Weird.
โ€œYou can come with me or you can stay there, but youโ€™re not grabbing me in private,โ€ Jay said. โ€œIโ€™m not interested in being yanked around, I donโ€™t give a damn how worried you are about the fish. Iโ€™m not even going to put my face near the water.โ€
With deep misgivings, Dan hurried up and followed behind Jay. โ€œItโ€™s, um, door seven. The exhibit you want.โ€
โ€œThank you,โ€ Jay said, sounding legitimately a little bit surprised. โ€œAppreciate it.โ€
โ€œDonโ€™t expect a repeat,โ€ Dan said. โ€œAnd I will be warning them about you later.โ€
Jay hummed, pushing through the door slowly. Beyond, they could hear the pump and the water splashing.
Jay bent down by the side of the tank, reaching out with one hand. โ€œThis is going to look strange.โ€
โ€œEverything you do looks strange,โ€ Dan started, but he was rightโ€”it did look real fucking strange. The palm of his handโ€ฆ uncoiled? Rippled and widened? And from the inside came slightly luminescent blue tendrils, about a half-inch wide each and visibly very soft, and slick with some sort of fluid with the consistency of honey, or maybe laundry detergent. He stuck these into the water without a worry, and then said, not too loudly, โ€œHey. Up here.โ€
Abruptly Dan remembered the lures. โ€œYou have those inside you? You feed them to the fish!โ€
โ€œSometimes theyโ€™re hungry,โ€ Jay said.
โ€œWhat are they, worms?โ€ Dan asked. โ€œSome sort ofโ€ฆ fungus?โ€
Jay looked up from the water to squint at him. โ€œAre you trying to fuck with me? Like, is that a joke?โ€
โ€œWhat?โ€
Jay reached over with his normal hand and grabbed one tendril firmly, and then pulled. Hard, actually, hard enough that Dan thought it looked like it had to hurt, and then with a quiet squelching sound a small octagonal segment of his gray skin pulled free from the side of his hand and so did the tendril, still moving freely. โ€œItโ€™s me. I feel like that should be obvious, if the fish were reporting on me to you. That one bass got a good mouthful of my leg a few months ago.โ€
โ€œWhat are those?โ€ someone else said, and Jay and Dan both jumped and turned to see that there was a small nursery shark staring up at the both of them. Dan wasnโ€™t terribly familiar with her, but he thought her name started with an s sound, or maybe an m. โ€œCan I eat them?โ€
โ€œSure,โ€ Jay said.
โ€œThey make fish sick,โ€ Dan said quickly. โ€œBetter not.โ€
โ€œThey make fish sick?โ€ Jay repeated. โ€œThey shouldnโ€™t. Just drowsy, maybe.โ€
โ€œDizzy and sick, is what they told me.โ€
Jay looked down at his own hand curiously. โ€œSo, Iโ€™m Jay.โ€ He said it oddly again. Maybe Dan was mispronouncing it. โ€œMy friend here is Dan.โ€
โ€œDanistei,โ€ Dan said, because he gave his real name to the fishes, thank you, and then registered that Jay had said his actual name.
โ€œWhatโ€™s your name?โ€ Jay continued, as though nothing had happened.
โ€œSvisa,โ€ said the nursery shark.
โ€œNice to meet you, Svisa,โ€ Dan started.
โ€œWeโ€™re delighted youโ€™ll speak to us,โ€ Jay continued, coming very close to cutting Dan off. โ€œI have a couple questions about the environment.โ€
โ€œOh, like heโ€™s always asking,โ€ Svisa said.
โ€œProbably,โ€ Jay said. โ€œDo you know what your environment is a replica of?โ€
โ€œItโ€™s a replica?โ€ Svisa said.
โ€œItโ€™s a replica of a human classroom,โ€ Jay said, rapid-fire. โ€œThank you, Svisa. What do you think of the lighting on the side of the wall?โ€
โ€œOh, he really is always asking that one. Itโ€™s fine.โ€
โ€œYou come here from anywhere interesting?โ€
โ€œNot really,โ€ Svisa said.
โ€œCaptive-bred,โ€ Dan cut in. โ€œSvisa, are you bored?โ€
โ€œA little bit,โ€ Svisa said. โ€œNothing left in here to catch, and I know all the hiding places. When itโ€™s light out, I can watch the other tank, but theyโ€™re dimming everything now.โ€
โ€œTheyโ€™re dimming everything,โ€ Jay repeated. โ€œOkay, Dan, up, letโ€™s get out of here before we get caught.โ€
โ€œCaught,โ€ Svisa repeated.
โ€œWeโ€™re not technically supposed to be back here right now,โ€ Dan explained hastily, getting up. โ€œThank you so much for chatting, Svsia. Jay, was that what you wanted to know?โ€
โ€œOne last question,โ€ Jay said. โ€œHow dark are the hiding places?โ€
โ€œDark enough,โ€ Svisa said, delicately closing her jaws on a big chunk of Jayโ€™s exposed tendrils. They sheared off cleanly, and started to leak thinner, less viscous blue fluid into the water; Jay rapidly curled them back up without even a hiss. โ€œYouโ€™re leaving, Iโ€™ll see you some other time.โ€
โ€œMe, maybe,โ€ Dan muttered. โ€œJay, if she gets sick, Iโ€™m holding you to account for it.โ€
โ€œShe should be fine. Itโ€™s like weed,โ€ Jay said. โ€œBye, Svisa, thanks for talking. Might see you again, might not. Iโ€™m curious about the way it feels down there. Dan, hitting the road?โ€
Dan sighed and followed behind Jay, and the two of them stepped out of the tank room and then into the Employees Only hall and then back into the rest of the museum. It was dim. โ€œWhat time is it?โ€
โ€œYou have a phone, donโ€™t you?โ€ Jay said, but he was pulling his own out as he said it. โ€œEight ten.โ€
โ€œThey closed up fast,โ€ Dan noted, a little surprised. โ€œI wasnโ€™t expecting them to kick everyone out and turn the lights off ten minutes after the event ended.โ€
Jay shrugged. โ€œMaybe theyโ€™re just efficient. Letโ€™s make sure they didnโ€™t lock us in.โ€
They hadnโ€™t, so the two of them walked out the doors and tried not to look suspicious. Or at least Dan tried; Jay looked casual as anything, sauntering out confidently.
โ€œStop looking over your shoulder,โ€ Jay murmured out of the corner of his mouth, and Dan straightened up. โ€œNo, thatโ€™s worse, you look even more like youโ€™re sneaking into the pantry to steal cookies or something. Do you just not do this sort of thing?โ€
โ€œNo, I donโ€™t,โ€ Dan said.
Jay paused. โ€œWhy were you messing with me so much, then? Starting out strong for your first few bits of mischief?โ€
โ€œI,โ€ Dan said, trying to wrap his head around that. โ€œIt was about the fish. It has always been about the fish.โ€
โ€œBut you had to know I wasnโ€™t going to go after the fish in a new aquarium,โ€ Jay said, sounding almost stupefied. โ€œRight?โ€
What? โ€œWhat? No.โ€
โ€œIf Iโ€™m going to an aquarium, thereโ€™s going to be close monitoring, people around,โ€ Jay said. โ€œAnd itโ€™s not like theyโ€™re filling, anyway. Obviously Iโ€™d just go pick someone off in an alley beforehand, if it was that big a deal.โ€
โ€œI told you, I donโ€™t like you eating the wild fish either,โ€ Dan said. โ€œBut I guessโ€”โ€
โ€œFish?โ€ Jay repeated. โ€œNo, I meanโ€”โ€ And then he stopped, and turned to gesture Dan toward an alley. โ€œCome take a detour with me.โ€
โ€œWhat do you mean, not fish?โ€ Dan said, following easily.
Jay looked Dan up and down, still walking. The alley was longer than Dan expected. โ€œI know you said something, at some point, about the โ€˜patterns,โ€™โ€ and here he made air-quotes with his fingers, โ€œof the way that I ate the fish being โ€˜creepy.โ€™โ€
โ€œYeah, because they are,โ€ Dan said. โ€œI mean, I mightโ€™ve been judging you wrong, but it still seems real fucking creepy to me. I donโ€™t really getโ€”โ€
Jay raised a hand and cut Dan off. โ€œAnd I read into that, I think. I thought you meant the patterns I ate everything with were creepy.โ€
โ€œI mean,โ€ Dan started. โ€œI donโ€™t know.โ€
Jay smiled oddly, waving for Dan to walk a little faster. โ€œAnd I thought to myself that that was fair, because you were right. And I didnโ€™t know how much youโ€™d told anyone, or how much trouble Iโ€™d be in if you had.โ€
โ€œJay. What are you getting at.โ€
โ€œFish are very unsatisfying, you know.โ€ Jay sighed. โ€œThey donโ€™t have much to talk about. Their secrets are inconsequential and not very interesting. And, now, I have a problem, the kind youโ€™re not likely to have heard of. โ€œ
โ€œWhere are you leading me?โ€
โ€œYouโ€™ll see,โ€ Jay said. The alleyway had gotten so dark that it was difficult to make out anything except for the points of light reflecting off his eyes from the distant billboards on the street. โ€œI need a secretโ€”given freelyโ€”before I can eat my fill. Makes it had to order off the dinner menu. Told myself, hey, hospice care, thatโ€™s got to be the gig for me. But it doesnโ€™t leave me a lot of time to hunt. So Iโ€™ve been scavenging the fishtanks. But do you know what one of the first things you told me was?โ€
โ€œWhat the fuck are you talking about?โ€ Dan stopped walking.
โ€œThis explains why threatening you didnโ€™t seem to do anything,โ€ Jay said. โ€œDid you even know I was threatening you?โ€
โ€œWhen the hell were you threatening me?โ€
โ€œThatโ€™s what I mean,โ€ Jay said. โ€œIโ€™m full, now, Iโ€™m not eating anything. Or anyone. But you know what Iโ€™m getting at, donโ€™t you?โ€
Dan shook his head. โ€œYou eat fish, and youโ€™re implying youโ€™ll eat me.โ€
โ€œAbout the gist of it, yeah,โ€ Jay said. โ€œKeep walking, weโ€™re going to get to the bus stop a few blocks early. I didnโ€™t want to take you through here if you already knew I was likely to maybe eat you. Didnโ€™t need that kind of thing getting me in trouble, you understand. You cannot do anything about me, but if you decided to start running and screaming it wouldโ€™ve made my life inconvenient.โ€
โ€œAre you,โ€ Dan said, trying to find the polite term for it. โ€œAre you aโ€ฆ person with a vamparasitic affliction?โ€
โ€œAm I a what?โ€ Jay said. โ€œVamparasitic affliction? Can you not say vampire now?โ€
โ€œI think itโ€™s offensive,โ€ Dan said.
โ€œIf I were a vampire I wouldnโ€™t be offended,โ€ Jay said. โ€œBut no. Iโ€™m an obligate carnivore under a curse, but itโ€™s a different one. Youโ€™ve seen me walk in the sunlight.โ€
โ€œCan you eat garlic?โ€
โ€œI canโ€™t eat any plants.โ€
Dan could start to see the lights at the end of the walkway now. โ€œWhy do you eat people, if you can just eat fish?โ€
Jay looked at Dan for a moment, and despite the low light Dan thought he could see Jayโ€™s needle-sharp teeth glinting in a very sharp smile. โ€œWhy does anyone prefer to eat anything? Just tastes better.โ€
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lesbiansanemi ยท 8 months ago
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Google how to make peace with the fact that you will always be vaguely to extremely uncomfortable (depending on the day) with your body and how others perceive it until the day you die and nothing you do will ever change that
#I almost wish I was much more masc leaning than I am#so the answer would just simply be โ€˜go on tโ€™#I keep seeing so many posts that are like hrt is good! this is your sign to go on hrt if youโ€™ve ever wanted to!#GOD I wish I were that simple#(those arenโ€™t bad posts thatโ€™s not the point theyโ€™re just not applicable to me and seeing the sentiment makes me sad and a bit frustrated)#(cuz for me itโ€™s not that easy)#like are there some things T would do to my body that I would like?#yes absolutely. I would LOVE a deeper voice and fat redistribution#but like. thatโ€™s it#I would not want it to do anything else#in fact that idea of anything else and potentially โ€˜passingโ€™ as a man makes me VISCERALLY uncomfortable#I do not want to be a man and I do not want ppl to perceive me as a man#but the same is true for being a woman#I do not like a lot of feminine traits but I do not want to strictly trade them for masculine ones#UNFORTINATELY you cannot pick and choose the affects of hrt#there is no way to โ€˜look androgynousโ€™ (which is what I want)#(yes ik you can use shapewear and makeup and contour and that can do SOME)#(but itโ€™s A LOT of work and effort I donโ€™t have time or energy to do every day)#(and thereโ€™s still some things about my body I wouldnโ€™t be able to alter doing stuff like that)#and itโ€™s like sure I could go on T. but Iโ€™d still have this problem just the opposite direction#and it. sucks#it sucks so hard knowing thereโ€™s literally no conceivable way I will ever just have a body#that correlates to how I feel gender wise and will get people to โ€˜gender me correctlyโ€™#just based on how I look#and itโ€™s something Iโ€™ve been thinking about recently a lot and itโ€™s making me FHDJDKKSSKKSKS in a bad way#I know itโ€™s cuz itโ€™s pride month and I follow A LOT of trans ppl#who are posting trans pride and hrt and surgery info and stuff#(and obviously these are all very good things as I said)#itโ€™s just. because of my particular situation they make me feelโ€ฆ bad#because I wonโ€™t ever have an option to be comfortable and happy with how I look lol
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watery-melon-baller ยท 3 months ago
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Lads i have Fucked Up Big Time
#somehow I just. Fuckin. Forgot. That if I wanna switch my major that I have to do a bunch if shit#and I missed the deadline for it because I didn't realize that I needed to do it and also forgot to reach out about it until WAY too late#so now I can't do anything until the spring#which is also bad because I don't know what the fuck my class schedule should be!!!!!!!#advisor told me that I can talk to her after the enrollment period and schedule a meeting and we can figure out what I'm doing from there#but like. ouggggggghhg#Im so worried there's gonna be some fuckup with my schedule and I won't be able to register for enough classes to be a full time student#which would be so bad#idk should I just wait until AFTER the enrollment period??? and just have no classes???#I'm gonna try and register for a few classes so I at the very least have Something in my schedule#mainly ones for my current (old) major and a few of the new classes#because multiple classes that I need to take I can Only take them IF I'm enrolled in that major. Which I'm currently not because I'm stupid#im just stressed now and unfortunately there isn't much i can do ๐Ÿฅฐ#i don't even know which classes I should be trying to take. I can GUESS but like who the fuck knows#so i can't even try and plan out a potential schedule i just get to sit on my ass and stress#sighh. im gonna try to not think about it bc its gonna stress me out#on one hand it's tempting to blame like. idk. literally every adult i talked to because none of them actually told me#โ€œHey btw you actually need to go to this office and fill out this paperwork and submit it by a due dateโ€#they were just like yeah okay u can take some classes. and then we'll figure it out later#like. i would have gone and done the shit if I knew I needed to do iT!!!!#but also I should have sat down and looked more into it to so#bleughhhhhhhh#I'm just stressed. and annoyed. at myself mainly because like. duh of course I'd have to go fill out paperwork but I just was like#โ€œYeah I'll talk to my advisor laterโ€ and kept pushing shit off until it was too late <3#idk man im. so tired#hopefully it'll all work out okay and fine and i won't have the shittiest schedule on earth next semester#and hopefully the classes i need won't fill up!!!! :))))))#ahahahahahsh#im fucked man#lilac post
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rxspit ยท 2 years ago
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me waiting for the ethan landry hype to die down so i can safely peruse the scream tags again
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skrunksthatwunk ยท 27 days ago
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damnnn that manga about making manga got me acting funny (making 5 year plans)
#feverishly outlining a self work schedule i know damn well i would never be able to maintain#literally have never been this motivated about my future and i didnt even particularly like the manga lol (tbf it's vol 1)#that and the trip to my public library are making me go ouh if i think out a rigid schedule enough then maybe#i will simply no longer get burnt out ever#look it's not the most realistic and i know that but if i let myself THINK that i won't ever make anything#as evidenced by me basically not making anything for months and months and months now#and if i have a plan maybe my parents won't be too sore about me dropping out. if i choose to drop out that is#(<- probably shouldn't drop out but man.... man..........)#and maybe having that rigidity and those concrete results will suit me better than school#which at best gives me 'number go up' and at worst gives me 'number go down'#im struggling with the scale of things but i am hand-drawing calendars and shit#and honestly im extremely lucky to be in a situation where this sort of thing is tenable at all so. why not use it?#ugh i should probably get my bachelor's though. i wanna take a gap year so bad but it wouldn't Really do me any good probably#thought too hard about college and now my motivation is just gushing out of me. fucks sake#what a wound!! i think i might hate school a little bit unfortunately#which sucks bc when im not fighting for my fucking life in there it's quite lovely very much my kinda thing etc#one way i could kinda test the schedule is by using the summer as a trial run. that way I wouldn't need to drop out#but i would still have a decent chunk of time to like.. test out my model and adjust it#(so i don't drop out and then immediately realize i Cannot do this shit at all)#but honestly i kind of think i should just. maybe drop out anyway and then get a job if this fails#easier said than done i know but again maybe something more tangible would help me#and i would appreciate some of the independence it'd give me tbqh#i really honestly don't know if i can actually like. Do art or writing. in the career sense#even disregarding money as a factor i just don't know if i could actually Make anything#whicfh is bananas bc in a literal sense i have been Making things for like 20 years#idk. i think i'll let this stew for a bit and come back (<- the kind of behavior that keeps me from making things)#(<- i mean knowing when to step back is crucial i just do it wayyyyyyy too often. anyway)
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ourladyoftheflytrap ยท 2 months ago
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Something profoundly funny about getting snap memories where I adore and dote on my candle tattoo when I look back on it today as one of my worst decisions
#sorry stevie its not personal ๐Ÿ˜ญ#just the association of it with self harm bc that is what it was all about to me is terrible#and the fact that its lopsided and the flame is faded so it doesnt even look very good just makes it worse#like it just reminds me of how much i disrespected myself at 16 and 17#i had no love for me at all and at the time i was so happy to rub it in and leave irreversible reminders of my self hatred#and now i dont feel that way but i know that little girl is tucked away inside of me. my little eraserhead baby that sleeps deep in my heart#and i know that all it took to bring that out of me was one really nasty fight with my mom#so even though i've grown a lot around her i dont think she is gone and i dont think she ever will be#like diane in her final episode monologue#i feel her and im not mad at her but i dont recognize myself in her. and i know she would not recognize herself in me#i was so full of pain and anger and i wanted it to last Forever. i never wanted to heal and move on#and be happy. because i felt like if i was then when things fell apart i would feel so betrayed and scorned just like i did when i was 16#and now i dont feel that way but i cant take anything i did back then back. and thats really sad to me now#but i see the snap memories and i see this tattoo and i see the scars and i know that i wanted this extended release pain for myself#i wanted to never be able to let it go and now i cant. and i dont feel happy about it and im not supposed to#and as humbling as it is to remember how ugly and violent and vindictive i can be... its very hard#im sorry that i can be that way because i dont admire any of those qualities in myself at all#omg i cant believe i started this post off with this is so funny im literally crying rn actually thinking about it#i did chuckle when i saw the memory but its not so funny to reflect on
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queenerdloser ยท 5 months ago
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i already complained about this to a coworker but maybe if i complain about it here i can purge it from my brain
so there's this specific type of data entry our admin team at work has to do for providers where we track how they spend their administrative time in order to make sure they're meeting required coverage given by my job. we had this huge kerfluffle earlier this year where we were told we needed to collect this like two weeks before it was due and there was seriously not enough turn around time and absolutely nothing in place - no procedure for how to get the data, no spreadsheet to put it in, barely any info on what we were supposed to collect, literally nothing.
so. earlier this year i made all of that stuff. and when we were told "oh hey btw this is not a one-time thing, you will have to continually collect this info" i went "okay but can we set down a set of guidelines and a procedure so we know what the expectations are and what exactly we're supposed to be doing?" and my boss went okay and then proceeded to spend three months not bringing the subject up.
and when it WAS we went VERY briefly over expectations (we need to submit it twice a year to my boss!) and that was it. so i went "okay, i'll draft up a procedure based on these loose guidelines and update our VERY sad spreadsheet" and i did that in about a week. and got feedback from another coworker, made my edits, and finished it all in roughly three weeks. i made a meeting so we could all talk about the procedure and the spreadsheet back in fucking july okay. the end of july. and then a few days before the meeting i was like "oh actually it'd be super helpful to get your specific feedback on these two (2!!!!!) items because this process is something we're literally doing for your benefit. we're collecting the data for you to pass on. and also. you are my boss so it does kind of feel like the creation of this kind of department-wide affecting stuff should have your input." and a few days wasn't enough so my boss asked if we could shift the meeting to a few weeks later and i was like okay fine w/e.
i took a vacation and got back in august. the meeting was coming up and i had asked for feedback before that. so i sent her a message, an email, and brought it up in our 1:1 meetings. she never got back to me with feedback, so i rescheduled again because i specifically asked her for her feedback and even specifically said i didn't want to meet until i had it. so another two weeks roll by and guess what? still no fucking feedback. so i reschedule again. i bring it up to her in our meeting again and she tells me oh yeah she's looking at it but if she doesn't get back to me before the next meeting just keep it, we'll talk about it at the meeting.
so we had this meeting today. and within the first ten minutes (in the middle of me explaining why we're meeting!!!!) she has the nerve to ask me "hey what is this meeting even for? what are we trying to figure out here?" as if i didn't send an email explicitly detailing why we were going to meet last week to everyone, as if i haven't brought this up with her several times, as if i didn't explain it in my original email asking for feedback.
and then we spent like half the meeting having to hash out changes that she brought up!!!!! things like oh actually this doesn't need to be formally reported twice a year, it's actually only going to be formally reported once a year with annual faculty reviews. like what the FUCK i based the entire procedure on the twice a year outline you gave. that's why i asked you to look at the procedure so i could make those kinds of changes BEFORE the meeting. i didn't want to spend the meeting trying to fix the procedure, i wanted to present it to our group as a finished thing! because now i have to go in and make these fucking changes she never bothered to tell me about for a month and a fucking half despite me repeatedly asking her specifically for feedback and put this project even FURTHER behind.
and like. she kept interrupting me during the meeting which is super frustrating. and she also just like. didn't answer any of the questions i DID have for her. me: "hey can you clarify if you are actually reporting this twice a year as was previously discussed or is it really only once a year with annual reviews? if so, do we need to have hard deadlines every six months to send this info to you?" her: "well i'd like it to be ready just in case i get asked, because i want to be able to go in there and see the most updated data." okay but that's not the question i asked you!!!!!
me: "so what i have in the procedure i have screen-shared is we should do these updates on a quarterly basis." her, two minutes later: "so you guys will have to decide how often you're planning to update this info." me: "yeah that's why i have it in the procedure we should do it on a quarterly basis." her: "you'll just really need to choose how often it's done."
she does this all the time!!!! like you are supposed to be the leadership in our department so would it kill you just to give me a straight answer and lead??? can you PLEASE just say "well this is due twice a year, so you need to keep it updated every quarter" instead of this wishy-washy stuff? and also when i send you something and ask for your fucking input can you give it to me without me begging you on my hands and knees for it for a month and a half? and also ahead of the meeting so we don't have to waste half of it talking about stuff we could have already figured out if you were actually halfway decent at your job?????
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itsalwaysdark ยท 6 months ago
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also i admire dws refusal ever to engage with language barriers
#tardis is gone and these ppl have never been in a tardis before so they dont have the translation software . Umm idk they randomly got#translation software somewhere else Shut up shut up dont ask.#ik im the only girl in th world who cares abt the translation software i just find ot interesting and i love languages im sry im always#going on abt this transltion software but i want to study it !!! and also i understand its judt there to handwave around the language#barrier thing BUT i think language barriers could be very fun 2 play w id get thatd have to be baked into th wepiaode but yk id have a great#time... bc i like languages#but im also not rly expecting dw to whip out a conlang or anything. so. whatevr#AND LIKE AT TIMES IT TRULY SEEMS THEY FORGET ABT THE TRANSLATION STUFF#or they remember it right after there being a flaw im never going to forget about the russians having a switch that was in russian while#speaking in english Without the tardis being present#bc my pet theory was Oh maybe bc we as the audience have been exposed to the tardis its like a cute nod to us having the translation stuff#in our brains probably not intentional but thats cute but no bc the text was translated and my true hearts belief is that#they straight up had to have the button in Russian so that we knew they were russiam#DJFNFJFNFJN ITS VERY FUNNY 2 ME. BUT I WAS SCREAMINGGG#i think my theory was cute though I KNOW they dont care abt the translator as much as i do its literally just so they dont have to worry abt#it and i get it 4 the stories they tell language barriers would slow everything down and yeah. i get it i do. but theyre so inconsistent#with it and ots funny 2 me#lik for example theyll be on an alien planet everybodys translated but then they have an alien woth a rly weird language that isnt#translated so that we can see the doctor like bark to communicate. but every other language is being translated why not that one#and the answer is bc that ones a fun little joke moment yk.#and then theres stuff like Confirmed the tardis doesnt translate sign languages which makes sense but it is able to translate text which is#portrayed as it Changing the text youre looking at into your language. yk#ik that may be bc visual medium and irl it might be something more like You just knowing what it says#but ADDITIONALLY and they cant handwave this bc bill said it outloud is it does match the lipsync#which means it is able to manipulate visuals. but then i guess sign language youd have to be manipulating the visual into an auditory form#its all just very intriguing to me you know
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icewindandboringhorror ยท 5 months ago
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Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
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eyesonlybutterflies ยท 1 month ago
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Let me show you
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๐˜ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜บ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜น๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ
๐“น๐“ช๐“ฒ๐“ป๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ผ: experienced!Heeseung x inexperiencedf!reader
๐”€๐“ธ๐“ป๐“ญ ๐“ฌ๐“ธ๐“พ๐“ท๐“ฝ: 5.0k
๐“ฌ๐“ธ๐“ท๐“ฝ๐“ฎ๐“ท๐“ฝ ๐”€๐“ช๐“ป๐“ท๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ฐ: smut, fuckboy!Heeseung, swearing, reader in denial of her feelings for Hee, reader also kind of oblivious, Heeseung is DOWN BADDD, jealousy if you look close enough, Heeseung is still a sweatheart, pet names (baby, darling, etc.), (neck) kissing, grinding/dry humping, very slight restraints, boob sucking, hair pulling, teasing, big dick Heeseung, oral (m and f receiving), praise, face painting, unprotected sex, overstimulation, creampie, aftercare w gentleman!Heeseung, lmk if I missed anything
18+ ๐“œ๐“๐““๐“˜!!!
๐“Ÿ๐“ป๐“ธ๐“ธ๐“ฏ๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ช๐“ญ
๐“œ๐“ช๐“ผ๐“ฝ๐“ฎ๐“ป๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ผ๐“ฝ
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'She was soo good, y/n. I'm telling you if she even breathes in my direction I'd 100% fuck her again,' Heeseung shamelessy confesses to you. Heeseung and you have been friends since middle school and you're both now well into college. You've finally hit the age and stage where you openly talk about your sex lifes. Well... Heeseung's sex life.
It's not that you're an unattractive woman, in fact most of your female friends praise how amazing you look in every outfit, hype you up when you need it and all in all let you know you're very attractive.
Guys just haven't seemed to notice. Or at least, not many guys. You've been on a date or two, kissed a guy, even made out with someone, but that's it. You've never had sex, never given or received head, fuck you've never even touched a clothed penis.
Hearing all these stories from your friends kills your curious nature, '๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ? ๐˜๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ? ๐˜ž๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฅ?' It's so bad that it's come to the point you're considering asking Heeseung to show you. I mean, he's your friend, you trust him and there are no feelings involved. It'd be a teaching moment for you and just another night for Heeseung.
Eventually you always pushed away that thought. It was just a stupid idea you had when you were horny and you chose Heeseung because he's the most attractive out of all your male friends. The first time had to be with someone you were actually into. Still, for some reason you felt the need to make him aware of your... situation.
'Hey Hee,' You shyly start. 'Mmh?' He says as he's staring at his phone, probably looking through his texts to see who to hook up with next. 'Have you never noticed I don't share my sex stories?' He stops and looks at you, 'Yeah, but I assumed you just didn't feel comfortable sharing.' 'Actually... I, I'm a virgin.'
Heeseung drops his phone in response. His eyebrows are raised and eyes so wide he looks like a deer in headlights, 'What??' 'I know it's embarrassing! I just, UGH!' You scream before grabbing a pillow and screaming into it, not being able to bare the embarrasment and too scared to make eye contact with Heeseung again.
A gentle force takes away the pillow you use to hide your face, Heeseung's face replacing the darkness of the pillow. His eyes soft, empethatic. 'Y/n, are you serious?' 'Yes and it's embarrassing, I don't even know why I told you, just forget it,' You ramble. You only had thoughts of telling Heeseung, not actually expecting you to have the balls to say it, and most certainly not Heeseung getting so close to you after your confession.
It'd have been a lot easier if he had just laughed in your face, whether it was because he didn't believe it or because he can totally understand why. Him just being a couple centimeters away from you was not what you had expected. It switched something inside you. You saw him from a different perspective, literally.
You'd never saw him as anything but your friend. Heeseung who was kind, Heeseung who made fun of you, Heeseung who took care of you when you needed someone. You never read into it too much. Why would you? He never confessed his feelings to you and it seemed like he was thinking of the next woman to fuck whilst still laying in bed with the previous woman.
But now that he's so close, you can almost look into his soul. The playboy facade almost seems to fade right in front of your eyes. However you quickly push it away. ๐˜๐˜ฆ'๐˜ด ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ง๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ, ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ'๐˜ด ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ซ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ, ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜บ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ'๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ข ๐˜ง๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ.
He snaps you out of your thoughts when a hand lands on your cheek, 'Did you hear what I asked you?' You were so in your thoughts you didn't even notice Heeseung asking you a question. 'N-no, sorry.' With a smile, his beautiful smile, he asks again, 'Have you ever kissed before?' 'Oh god yes I have! I'm not ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต inexperienced!'
'Good, a pretty girl like you deserves appreciation.' Your cheeks flush, ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ง๐˜ถ๐˜ค๐˜ฌ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ซ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜บ? Heeseung clearly sees your confusion and just laughs. 'You're just fucking with me! You fuckboys always say stupid shit like that!' You push him away, lowkey mad about the fact he'd play with your feelings in such an intimate moment.
Heeseung repositions himself next to you and you quickly grab a pillow to hug, both for you comfort and defense from Heeseung. 'I would never joke about that. Not when it comes to you.' Your head snaps to him, 'What the fuck is that supposed to mean?' 'Oh baby, please don't tell me you're that oblivious?' What??????
'You remember all those late nights where we would watch movies together freshman year of college because you felt homesick? God I can still remember all the songs in Mamma Mia.' 'What does that have to do with this?' 'Do you really think I'd do that with anyone else? I even cancelled bro nights with the boys to spend time with you.' 'But why are you in other women's bed every weekend?' You completely ignore the fact he basically confessed to liking you, only the other women he's been with occupy your mind.
'Because I've been waiting for you.' 'Heeseung what are you even SAYING right now?' You stand up, creating space between you two. Nothing is making sense right now. 'Y/n, I've had feelings for you since the day we met. Those feelings are still very strong, but I never dared telling you about them. I saw the way you were talking with other guys and just assumed you were hooking up, no strings attached with others and you just didn't feel comfortable telling me. So I did the same, but trust me, I wish it was you every time.'
The only thing you can do is throw your hands up to you head. Your mouth is hanging open but nothing is coming out. Everything is slowly starting to make sense. 'Why didn't you say anything?' You finally get out. All Heeseung does is stare at you. He studies your face, your body language, he's studying ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ. But not in a creepy way, but in a loving way. Like he's been waiting for this moment for so long and it's unfolding even better than he could have ever imagined.
'Heeseung, please talk!' You almost get frustrated, feeling tears in your eyes as you feel both confused, relieved and scared. He stands up, walks over to you and puts his hands on your waist. 'I'm sorry baby,' is all he says before he leans in to kiss you. Only he doesn't close the distance.
'Is this okay, darling?' You nearly melt into his touch as he moves one hand to your cheek and smiles. The kiss starts soft. Initially long and slow touches of your lips turn into more hungry motions as you both realise you're actually kissing each other and this isn't just a dream.
After years of yearning and denial, you're finally kissing.
And it feels good. Heeseung naturally takes the lead, licking your bottom lip as to ask for permission. You grant him that permission immediately, going in to grab his cheeks to prepare yourself for the lightheadedness he's going to give. Because if there's one thing you've learned about Heeseung's stories, it's that he knows how to kiss.
The kiss grows deeper. Heeseung pushes his lips into yours like he's a starved man. His tongue desperately searching for yours and once there's a steady, consistent rythm to your dancing tongues, something clicks in him.
Both his hands travel down to your ass and, without warning, lifts you up. A small shriek escapes out of your mouth ahead of you wrapping your legs around Heeseung. He leads the both of you back onto your bed. He very gently lays you on your back, as if you're made of marble and ready to crack at movement a little too harsh.
You wrap your arms around Heeseung's neck, letting him know you never want to change the scenery. Heeseung is so turned on by how beautiful you look under him, completely his and not wanting anything else that he's starting to moan in your mouth and slowly grind against your crotch. You push him slightly away, looking at him with large eyes, unsure of what to make of this situation.
Heeseung gets the hint and looks at you with concerned eyes, 'Is this too fast, baby?' You shake your head, gulping loudly. 'I've just never done more than making out,' you start, 'I've only kissed and made out with like 3 guys, never anything more.' 'Not even this?' He says as he presses his erection into your heat. You gasp and that's enough confirmation for Heeseung.
'Are you okay with us doing this?' Sweet Heeseung, always making sure you're okay and comfortable ever since the beginning. You nod, 'I actually... kind of want you to be my first.' Noticing his confusion you continue, 'I've been thinking about, you know, this, a lot and if I had to choose someone to do it with, I'd choose you.'
The smile that slowly creeps up Heeseung's lips give you butterflies, and not just in your stomach. 'Really?' He asks in that attractive ass expression, his eyebrow raised, a light smirk and slight sparkly eyes. You nod shyly, biting your lip to prevent yourself from saying something any more stupid. 'Well, baby, I'll make sure you won't regret this.'
Before he can resume the intimate kiss, you still slightly push him away, looking at him with doe-eyes, 'Is this gonna change us?' 'I better fucking hope it will.' The kiss picks back up right where it left off, except that it feels more intimate.
Heeseung's hands start to roam your body, starting at your cheeks, slowly going down and eventually landing on your boobs. He can feel your perky nipples through your shirt and it's making his buldge grow even tighter. 'Off,' he demands and you comply, taking your shirt off swiftly, making your tits bounce.
Sounds of you two kissing has stopped because of Heeseung's newfound focus on your boobs and looking at them in admiration. You get a little timid, never having shown them to a boy before, but as you try to hug yourself to hide them, Heeseung quickly grabs your wrists and firmly press them above your head. 'Don't hide,' he snarls, 'you're too pretty to hide.'
A warm flush spreads over your already burning cheeks. All this praise, action and physical contact making you lightheaded ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ถ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ'๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ช๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ. Your tomato-red face seems to go unnoticed by Heeseung who is too busy slowly feeling your right boob with one of his hands. Not soon after his hot, wet mouth attaching to your left boob.
The sudden contact makes you gasp and your back arches slighty. Heeseung smiles against your chest, loving every second. He sucks on your nipple and as he detaches from it, he faintly lifts your boob with his mouth and makes a pop sound as he releases it again, only for it to bounce back erotically. 'Fuck you're making me rock hard,' he says before promptly going in again.
This time he's making out with your right nipple. He's slowly releasing your hands and repositions his on your waist. Whilst his mouth is busy licking your tits, sucking loudly on your nipples and moaning inbetween your tits, he's slowly grinding against your still-clothed, but slicky wet pussy. 'Baby you feel so good,' breathy sighs escape his mouth, 'I bet you feel so tight.'
One of your hands travel to his hair and holds a harsh grab. You pull his face away from your boobs and see he already has a foggy expression from just your tits. ๐˜ˆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ช๐˜ต'๐˜ด ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต. Never in your years of friendship did you think you'd end up in your bed with your hot friend who looks like he's almost cumming in his pants from just touching your breasts.
As you're pulling him back up towards your lips, a string of moans escape Heeseung's swollen lips. 'What's wrong, Hee?' You ask him with fake concern. 'I need you so bad,' he whines, 'Need to feel your wet pussy tightening around my cock.' You smirk as you let your free hand graze over his body until it lands on his crotch.
You become aware of just how horny he must be. You slowly start to rub his hard-on. Heeseung is absolutely falling apart on top of you. Every brush of a touch feels overwhelming.
'Please keep touching me.' 'Yeah you like it when I do that?' 'Yes, Y/n, and don't fucking stop.' Deep sighs and low moans are exchanged before you signal for him to lay on his back. Heeseung catches on to what you're trying to do as you lift his shirt and unbuckle his pants with the sweetest expression on your face, 'You don't have to do this if you don't want to.' 'I want to, I really do. I've been waiting for so long to do this.' Your excitement alone makes his cock twitch dangerously hard.
Just because you're inexperienced and nervous, doesn't mean you aren't the usual tease towards Heeseung. Very slowly undo his belt and even do him the honour of taking the belt off of his pants. You throw it somewhere in your room, but Heeseung doesn't care what you did with it, he just needs to get his dick out of his restricting boxers. And he will let you know he doesn't like this slow pace.
'Fuck, Y/n, stop doing that and just take it off.' You giggle, but refuse his wish. As slowly as you possibly can you pull just his pants off of him. Heeseung throws his head back as he feels less and less restraint against his dripping cock.
The only piece of clothing remaining from exposing his dick are his boxers, but even with just that you can tell how big he is. Your mouth is slightly agape as you look up at Heeseung's face. When you make eye contact Heeseung's face turns into a big smirk. He gently caresses you cheek, 'You can take it, baby. I know you can.'
Once you've built up all the courage you can, you hook your fingers around his waistband and pull his boxers down. His dick escapes immediately with a soft slap as it hits Heeseung's stomach. His balls and length are twitching from the exposure. It's veiny, very veiny. His tip is a redish pink from how long he's been hard and its slightly covered in pre-cum. He's more lengthy than girthy, but it's still wide enough where you ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ you're gonna have trouble walking the next day.
So mesmerized by his cock, you're only making eye contact with it instead of looking at Heeseung's scrunched up face. After you've stripped him free from his boxers, you slowly start to touch him. First it's a finger to see his penis bounce, then you wrap your entire hand around him, hearing Heeseung take in a sharp breath.
Slow pumps follow, unconsiously leaving your mouth hang open a little and Heeseung doesn't think twice before putting his thumb in your mouth, 'Suck on it.' You start sucking on his thumb, warming up your tongue before taking him in your mouth in a different way. Your pumps start to speed up and you're including his tip into the pumps as well.
When you hit that sensitive spot at the back of his tip just right, the most beautiful moan escapes from Heeseung, 'Your mouth, baby.' 'You think I'm ready?' 'I know you are. You're such a good girl sucking my thumb and jerking me off.' You bite your lip before gradually coming closer to his tip.
You start by licking the top of his tip, looking him deep into his eyes to see how much effect you have on him. A groan escapes his mouth, signalling for you to take more of him, and so you do. You take his entire tip in your mouth and start to swirl your tongue around it, stopping at that same sensitive spot. Moving the flat part of your tongue up and down with still just his tip in your mouth.
'Oh my fucking god,' Heeseung whimpers, 'You're sure you've never done this?' You keep bobbing your head at the same spot until you can feel his tip spasm. Without warning you start to take in ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ of him. Surprised by the sudden move, Heeseung grabs your hair and unintentionally thrusts his hips upward, hitting the back of your throat, 'Shit, baby, I'm sorry.'
The words aren't reaching your ears because of the surprising pleasure you got from getting accidentally throatfucked. Something in your brain changes and you start to pick up the pace of your head movement. Heeseung is taken aback by it, but can't do anything about it since you make him feel too good.
Taking him all the way, at a quick tempo and not being used to this length has you gaggingly shamelessly. Saliva is dripping down your chin and tears are starting to form in your eyes. However you ignore all of those things. Seeing just how good you're making Heeseung feel makes you want to go harder, faster, deeper. You want him so deep in your throat, you don't even care if you get a collapsed lung.
Whilst your mouth is bouncing of his rock hard cock, you grab his balls. Massage them lightly and occasionally giving them a lick or slight sucking. 'Right there, darling. Aah shit ah,' is all Heeseung can moan. His eyes strictly on you, but his mind so far away, he's not even sure you're actually doing this to him.
'Fuck I'm gonna cum.' He groans, head thrown back, preparing for the load he's about to release. You're not sure what to do and whether Heeseung likes shooting everything down your throat or painting your face, so you keep your mouth attached to him, sucking him off through his orgasm.
Very soon after you start to feel sharp loads shoot to the back of your throat. You try to not waste a drop of his cum, but fuck he's cumming a lot. When you think he's finally done you detach your mouth from his dick, a mewl escapes Heeseung's mouth by the sudden cold.
To your surprise, he was not done cumming. A few strands of his cum land right on your face, still painting your face. Once Heeseung is back on earth and looks at you he sees you trying to wipe away the remaining cum, 'Stop.' You stop in your tracks and Heeseung sits up straight right in front of you.
One of his hands reach towards your face and his thumb is gently cleaning the spots on your face you hadn't cleaned yet. 'Open your mouth.' You obey and Heeseung puts his thumb back into your mouth, 'Good girl, cleaning up the mess you made.' Heeseung is looking at you with so much fondness, loving the fact you're just as filthy as him.
Without you having much say, Heeseung grabs your waist and makes you switch positions. 'Now show me that pretty pussy,' is all he says before sliding off your bottoms. 'Fuck, Hee, please make me feel good.' 'Don't worry about that, darling,' he gives you a quick wink as he's pulling his top off.
His warm mouth connecting with your clit sends shivers down your spine. He takes his time as he starts licking it, making sure to keep his eyes on you to confirm you're feeling every single movement. The licking slowly starts to turn into sucking as one of his fingers is teasing the walls of your hole, loving the way it's clenching down on nothing.
'Hee, oh my god yes, put it inside.' Heeseung fulfils your wish and his long fingers enter your pussy. A gasp slips out of your mouth and you clench down on him. 'Aww, baby, already too much?' 'N-No! I just, ah shit-' It's mind-boggling just how much power he has with just one finger.
At a slow pace he starts to pump his fingers in and out of you, deeper with each time he puts his finger back in your cunt. 'Hee, oh fuck, yes!' Your words slurring the deeper he pumps into you. At some point he's still fucking you with just one finger and all you do is babble, producing more sounds than words. Heeseung fucking loves you like this, so he decides to add another finger to see how you'll react to that.
The second finger enters your already tight pussy and it sends your head spinning. You constrict so tightly around Heeseung, he almost thinks you're cumming, 'Holy shit, this is what just fingers do to you, dear?' 'O-Only- fuck shit- only yours,' you manage to get out.
With the biggest grin on his face he asks, 'Mmh your fingers don't have this effect?' You shake your head. 'Shit, baby, I guess we'll just have to do this more often,' he says before diving back in. This time he takes his fingers out of you and starts tongue-fucking you.
Two hands fly to his hair, trying to pull him away, 'Too much?' You nod. 'Wanna stop?' You shake your head. Heeseung snickers against your core. While he goes back to your hole, trying to push his tongue up to your sweet spot this time, his nose brushes against your clit.
The combination of stimulation has you close. Your cunt grips to Heeseung's tongue, your hands use his hair as support and your thighs start to shake violently. Heeseung continues eating you out even through you closing your legs. His head is now stuck between your inner thighs and dripping wet cunt.
If there's one place he wants to die, it's right here.
'S-shit- gonna cu-cum!' Is the last thing you yelp before a wave of ecstasy flows through you like you've never experienced before. 'Good girl, cum on my face,' Heeseung mumbles against your core whilst still riding you through your high.
'Are you okay, darling?' You nod, mind still in another place. 'Good. Are you ready for my cock now?' A finger enters your hole. Heeseung streches you out, making sure you can still take his girth. 'Your pussy certainly is.' You look at him, he's smirking wide, waiting for your verbal consent before rocking your world.
'Please be gentle,' you say as your mind slowly gets back to earth and realisation hits you that you're really about to lose your virginity to your hot friend, of whom you could only dream of fucking. 'Always, my pretty baby.'
An even darker red blush spreads your cheeks as you push yourself up a little more straight. Heeseung notices what you're trying to do and lifts you up, firm but tender. 'Are you comfortable?' 'Yeah, are you?' Your innocent, sweet, but still dazed eyes makes Heeseung's cock twitch so hard, he has to physically restrain himself from slamming his cock deep in your pussy right now.
'Y/n, baby, I'm always comfortable with you. If you're feeling any doubt, even if it's really small, tell me. We can do this another time if you're too worn down or are having d-' You interrupt his rambling by crashing your lips onto his.
'Fuck me, Heeseung. I need you.'
That's all Heeseung needs to hear. He lines himself up with your heat, teasing you by grinding against your fold, but not entering your gaping hole. 'Hee, stop playing, fuck me.' You say exasperated.
At a steady pace he slowly enters you. Both of you are gasping. Heeseung's cock larger inside of you than you expected. Heeseung on the other hand has to restrain and repeat to himself to take it slow. He sees how you're struggling taking even a fifth of him, so he can't just slam himself inside you.
After Heeseung has completely dissapeared inside of you, he stops, letting you adjust. 'You look so gorgeous right now.' Your hands shoot up to your face. You're so red you feel like your head is about to detonate. Heeseung caresses your head, smiling from ear to ear. 'Is my pretty girl ready for me to move?' You nod and Heeseung leisurely moves out of you.
Once out of you, he enters again, but this time filling you up a bit quicker. This continues until he's just short from jamming into you. 'You okay, dear?' 'Mmh.' Your face crunches up, hands now placed on Heeseung's back. He dips down to plant a kiss on your cheek, 'You're doing so good, taking me so good.'
'Hee, harder please.' Embarrassment smeared on your face as soon as the words slip out of your mouth. 'You want it harder?' He beams, 'Didn't see you as such a dirty girl, baby.' A moan comes out as Heeseung immediately ups the pressure.
His cock hitting you against your cervix, balls slapping against cunt and heavy breaths escaping Heeseung's mouth. He's such a mess, but he doesn't want to let you know. He doesn't want to let you know how much of an effect you have on him. He usually lasts rounds without cumming, but with you? God he grips the bedsheet beside your head so tight, his knuckles turn white, he's focusing more on not cumming than to pound inside you at a consistent rate.
But when your pussy clenches down hard on him due to hitting a mind-blowing spot inside you, he drops his head in your neck. He's biting his lips hard and grips your waist to stop you from creating more friction. 'Y/n, fuck you're gonna make me cum.' One of your hands glides to his hair. You pull his face up to look you in the eyes. You want to show him how good he's making you feel, since his dick makes you unable to make sentences.
'Hee, good, so fucking good.' 'You like it?' 'Uh-huh.' You bob your head fast. Heeseung's mouth falls open, he knows he's close. You can feel he's close too and you slam your lips together, kissing him fiercly.
Like a bomb, Heeseung explodes. Shots of hot cum hitting you deep in your pussy. Your tongues stop dancing as the only thing exchanging between you two are moans. The warm liquid inside you not only gives a mouth-watering sound, but makes everything feel extra sticky as Heeseung is slowly fucking the cum out of your pussy.
Heeseung pulls back, not just his mouth but his entire body. You don't want to stop. You wrap your legs around Heeseung's waist and your hands around his neck and passionately pull him back in, 'Not done yet, Hee.' Heeseung is surprised by your almost desperate attitude, but fucking loves it.
Sloppy thumps of his cock in your pussy continue. Heeseung ignores the overstimulation. How can he when you look so pretty and fucked out underneath him? So desperate for a climax, completely ignoring Heeseung's struggle to selfishly pursue the best orgasm you've ever had
Briskly, Heeseung repositions himself where he's not laying on top of you, but able to grab your thighs and fuck you hard. And so he does. He slams hard inside you, making sure he's hitting your G-spot. He rams in at a pace that has you gasping, crying and screaming all within 5 seconds. 'You like that, huh?' 'Yes! Heeseung yes!'
As your thighs start to shake and your cunt starts to clench down on him again, Heeseung knows you're gonna have an even better orgasm than before. From the overstimulation still lingering from your previous orgasm to the delicious moans coming from Heeseung's mouth, your whole body feels like it's gonna fall apart.
'Heeseung!' You scream in a high pitch as you're send over the edge. Everything collapses; your legs close tightly around Heeseung's body, your lower body moving up in the air before falling back in the mattress for your back to arch tall, pussy contracting Heeseung's cock so hard he can barely move as it's almost making him cum again, your eyes roll to the back of your head, mouth falling open with only moans and variations of Heeseung's naming falling from your lips, your hands latch on Heeseung's back and your nails digging deep into his skin, and sweat dripping down from every inch of your body.
Your head is pushed deep into the pillow with your neck strained. Once you've come back to your senses you see a proud Heeseung looking at you. His eyes shining and a smile sweet like candy. 'Knew my girl could do it.'
He slips out of you and quickly dissapears into the bathroom. Your head is still too hazy to comment something. Heeseung returns with a damp washcloth and starts cleaning you up. No words are exchanged as he cleans everything from you thighs to your face. He gently lifts you up in bridal style and sets you down on the chair at your desk. Before you can ask, Heeseung grabs a new set for everything for your bed.
When he's done he sighs, happy with himself. He grabs you a new pair of underwear and shirt and puts them on for you. You're amazed at how gentleman he is. Almost as if he can read your mind, Heeseung says, 'Only for my princess.'
Smiles are exchanged as he carries you back onto the, now freshly made, bed. You shyly close the distance between the two of you when Heeseung claims his spot next to you. Noticing your hesitation, he takes the initiative and places you on his chest. You hear his steady heartbeat in the comfortable cuddle as you both drift off to sleep.
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๐‹๐ข๐ค๐ž๐ฌ, ๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฌ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ ๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ž๐œ๐ข๐š๐ญ๐ž๐! <๐Ÿ‘
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katiekatdragon27 ยท 2 months ago
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Guys you don't understand how much I love these two. (Oh yeah, and Finn's there too)
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Glisten: Awww~ Shrimpo, you remembered Shrimpo: B*tch I'm in LOVE with you, of course I REMEMBERED! Glisten: What!? Wait really?? This is very sudden wow! (You said you were straight?) Shrimpo: AAAAAAAAAA
Finn: (yapping) Shrimpo and Glisten: SHUT THE F*CK UP, FINN!! Shrimpo and Glisten: ... Shrimpo and Glisten: (kissing)
The first comic takes place before the two started dating. Shrimpo is really really really bad at expressing emotions other than anger and frustration, so anytime he tries to express anything, he just blurts out his feelings without thinking. Then he gets second-hand embarrassment lol. Glisten was pretty aware that Shrimpo liked him before, but he's pretending to be surprised to make Shrimpo "feel better" (also to mildly embarrass him lol).
Also, I think that Shrimpo and Glisten bonding over hating Finn is very based and true. They need that autistic man to SHUT UP/silly
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I think Shrimpo and Finn are very cousin coded. Not close enough to be siblings but definitely got some familial genes going on imo (plz don't shoot me Shrimpbowl shippers๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™) Doesn't stop Shrimpo from being violent towards Finn tho, and Finn does nothing to deter it lol (he finds it funny). Also, Glisten throws no punches bc he doesn't want to get his hands dirty.
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Finn: Sooooo?? How was the daaaate~ Finn: No need to be such a clam about it! Shrimpo: I'M SO KILLING YOU!
The second image takes place the day after this post lol. Shrimpo is recovering from a hangover covered in lipstick kisses and super conflicting emotions and Finn is NOT helping.
On the other end, I've been thinking about Shimmer a lot lol. So here is a doodle of her with her "sister aunt" Toodles, and Pebbles.
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They all get along super well. In this pic, Toodles is like 12ish and Shimmer is 4 (but her weird biology made her age up to like 7 here). Pebble is pebble, that's all you need to know.
Also, I was in a horror-ish mood earlier so here are some Twisteds <33 (below cut cuz kinda scary):
I love you angst comfort. My sib pointed out while playing one day that Shrimpo looked traumatized as a Twisted, which like, fair, but it make me think.
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Glisten: "They say you are not here anymore. But I think you are."
I had this silly idea that Twisted Shrimpo was infected by Dandy personally, and that whole conflict got Shrimpo's lower jaw ripped off. He is very violent and volatile, and very hard to calm down. But, when he runs into a twisting Glisten alone and scared, he comforts him (to the best of his ability).
Since Glisten is still able to be somewhat conscious, he realizes that the Twisteds are actually not completely gone like he originally thought, and it helps him keep his sanity longer, hoping for a way out for everyone.
Willpower is a crazy thing.
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On the complete opposite note, I love you horrifying freak of ichor child.
Since Shimmer was made from the ichor itself with no sort of skeleton or solid foundation, her condition is very unstable. And the problem is that her body is affected by her emotions. On a bad day, she can suffer from lots of pain and her body literally melting away. That's when she hides out and waits for her body to stabilize again.
When she completely twists, her body completely falls apart, becoming a puddle of ichor on the ground. If she was an encounterable twisted, she would work like Sprout's puddle root things, but easier to maneuver around and avoid. Also, her antenna glow.
Mini yap session aside, I think I cooked on the art lol.
Anyways, the og images lol:
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Have a good one pookies!
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