#which is very funny because he was literally warned that that would be dangerous.

[red-the-dragon-writes]

Fishing Habits

Summary:

“I know what you’re doing,” Dan said without preamble. “Huh?” Jay said. “Oh, right. I know you work for the school, but I didn’t think you’d be that much of a hardass.” “What?” Dan said. Jay paused, looking Dan over for a moment. “Actually, what are you talking about? I don’t think we’re on the same page.” “With the fish,” Dan clarified. Jay raised the odd ridges of flesh over his eyes that functioned as eyebrows. “I’m mer, you asshole. I can talk to them. They told me what fucked-up shit you’ve been pulling. What’s your problem?” “Sometimes I get hungry,” Jay said. “Can I see your notes now?”

Dan is an ordinary merman-pretending-to-be-a-human. Jay is... something else entirely. He seems like a really pleasant guy, except for how freaked out all the fish are. And Dan's college has just opened a new aquarium...

On Ao3 here.

There was an understanding, which had been in place as long as Dan could remember, that meant that one must not reveal the existence of The Supernatural to human society, and if one did the people they made the reveal to needed to be dealt with in some way—sworn to secrecy, brought into the fold of the Oceanic, or even, at absolutely worst, killed. Dan didn’t want to deal with it. There was a lot of paperwork involved in fucking up the order of things, and it was a huge hassle, and also there was a lot of risk involved. It wasn’t like Dan had any real need to reveal he’d grown up under the Pacific rather than in it, anyway. And his parents were living off the coast of Oregon now anyway, so he didn’t even have to do that much lying about it. It was easy and he kept it well under wraps.

He did five years of field work before they told him they were going to require him to come back to the university and teach at a handful of classes before he’d be allowed back out into the field or he’d lose his position, which also meant losing most of his source of funding and the grant he was working with. They offered to let him teach it remotely, of course—the department chair apologizing profusely the entire time—but Dan was doing altogether too much of the work from six hundred feet below the surface of the Atlantic and that just wouldn’t work out. No way to maintain The Secret. Instead he resigned himself to another few years living on land and away from the fishes, rented an apartment, and returned to Spokane to teach two sessions of classes about saltwater ecology in the Pacific to incoming students and one class on field work to older biology majors. Oh well. At least he could visit home on the weekends.

Since his own research was put on pause and the college did promise to pay for his tuition, Dan opted to take a handful of classes, too. What else was he going to do? He was still in touch with the rest of the field crew, and when they finally started writing, sure, he’d refocus onto that, but at the moment he wasn’t going to be of any help. And in one of the classes was a gray man.

You weren’t allowed to do that, but he was doing it. Dan was perfectly certain that there were laws against being out in the open with visibly-discolored flesh across all the major out-of-sight jurisdictions, and he was also pretty sure the Sideways Court was still offering free glamours for anyone who desperately needed into human society and also could prove beyond a reasonable doubt that they couldn’t just change their colors themselves, though Dan had also heard that the paperwork to prove either was a nightmare and the Sideways Court sounded just kind of awful to boot.  The Oceanic North-Pacific Authority was a lot better in a lot of ways. God knew applying for his visa was a nightmare of bureaucracy. But the point was: the gray man was openly flouting the rules. And worse than just being gray alone, he also had horns. His fingernails were blue, his teeth were sharp and needle-shaped, and his eyes had no pupils, just scleras and black centers that looked like hollow glass marbles. He had ripples crisscrossing his skin like vines growing just beneath the surface, and though Dan couldn’t be sure, he thought his body was a weird consistency, too, that he bent further than Dan expected when he bumped into things or wore a heavy bag over his shoulders. There was no way his appearance was legal. Dan felt for him, because it had to be difficult doing all that, but it wasn’t allowed. He’d probably get in trouble for just being around it, if someone came and found out and reported the guy and Dan hadn’t said anything.

Still. Dan had to respect it. And it was interesting to see how fast the other students got used to Jay and his gray skin and his horns and his eerie pupil-less eyes. Honestly, Dan was kind of disappointed in himself. His initial anxiety was unfair, wasn’t it? It was the laws that were unfair. Human society clearly wasn’t the problem it was cracked up to be.

Eventually Dan worked up the courage to tell Jay that he was mer. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting. Jay had just nodded, shrugged, and said, “Cool.” That was it. And, honestly, as far as Dan was concerned, that was plenty. He didn’t need to be friends with a twenty-something nonconformist—or however old Jay was; he hadn’t asked, really—and just because they were both in the same class didn’t mean anything, really. They knew each other’s names, and Jay occasionally asked Dan for notes. That was plenty.

-

Dan wasn’t much of a partier and he wasn’t much of a night owl, and he didn’t’ spend a lot of time out of the house. What he did was usually at a river somewhere. Spokane was gorgeous and full of lively fish, and by virtue of his heritage Dan could chat. Fish didn’t usually have a lot to talk about, but something had them in a tizzy when Dan finally made it out to his favorite spot, and they were particularly anxious to tip him off.

At first, he couldn’t make heads or tails of why it mattered to him that someone had developed new lures (aside from how his job was kind of to keep an eye on what people were doing with his rivers and all). But it came together eventually. Jay had something weird about him. He’d started coming to the water just like Dan had—here and elsewhere—and chatting, just like Dan had. And Dan had lured them into a sense of security. They should’ve been secure, talking! Even when Dan was hungry he didn’t eat the fish he talked to! But to talk to Jay was dangerous. Fish that talked to Jay too long vanished. And he had strange lures, luminescent sweet blue worms that made fish dizzy and sick if they bit them off and which moved even when torn apart until they were eaten. The fish insisted, almost en masse, that this strange gray man who chatted up their waters was bad news, and on the whole they badly wanted Dan to find him and make him cut it out.

Dan didn’t even know what to make of it at first. He asked question after question, trying to understand what they meant first and then after to try to ensure they weren’t actually talking about his classmate. The fish were convinced he was unfathomably ancient, even though he was taking first-year classes. But it became too clear that they were the same person after not long at all. A handful even had his name to relay, and even though they pronounced it a little differently, there was no question that he was the same person with the same name. Brazen.

The fish generally knew what predation was and it—well, it bothered them, sure, but it was an understood way of life, and they knew Dan himself ate fish and was part of human society where fishing was done. They’d never come to ask him to put an end to regular fishing before. The first and last time any of them had banded together like this, it was six fish, and they wanted him to handle a chemical mess that he’d been almost completely useless about. The fact that he had nearly forty fish across a whole host of species asking him to put a stop to Jay’s hunting meant that something about that guy was very, very off.

At least, when it came to the fish.

Still, Dan didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Maybe he was just a weirdo. But he had access to most of the college labs, and there were fishtanks in several buildings, and so—nervously and feeling like he certainly looked a bit out of his mind—he went around, talking to the fish there. He didn’t like what he found. All the fish knew Jay. There was no doubt he could and did talk to them, often at odd hours when the fish said that they were typically bored, which meant he was on campus late at night and early in the morning sneaking in to talk with them. Several tanks were apparently head-over-heels charmed. Others, these fewer and further between and, Dan noted after a short while poking around, more likely to have deaths in the fish population waved off than more carefully-managed tanks, told Dan nervously that Jay wasn’t what he seemed. That he had been charming and pleasant and had these magnificent worm lures that they’d never seen before, and then without warning he’d coaxed one of them into his hands and ate them, just like that.

These were domestic fishes, indoor fish. Pets, practically. It was alien to them that a person would do that, and it scared them. But it didn’t seem Jay would willingly strike too many times in the same place, rotating tanks out at random. And what for? Sometimes, they said, he’d come back, and chat like nothing had happened even though they all saw him kill one of their number without a thought. There was something wrong with him. Dan, if Dan knew him, should be cautious.

These fish didn’t seem to understand that there was a world of difference between eating a human (or a mer, really) and eating a goldfish, but Dan promised to take the warning under advisement anyway.  

-

Upon the day that Dan decided to confront Jay about his weird, creepy fish-eating behavior, several interesting things happened.

The first was simple. A colleague from the Environmental Sciences branch had invited him to downtown Spokane for no clear reason just before when Dan typically took his lunch. Alicia had been a close friend when Dan was doing his dissertation and she was currently working on her own postdoc research a little ways outside Spokane, just far enough from where Dan lived that they only got together so often. She told him that it was a surprise, and ot to look anything up about the location, so he obligingly didn’t.

It turned out to be an aquarium. More than that, it was an aquarium owned and run jointly by the college and a handful of others, and while it was still in the final stages before opening, Dan—by virtue of his employment with the school and his own degree focus in fish care and fish wellness—was welcome back whenever, provided he told them what he was doing and didn’t meddle unexpectedly. They wanted him to give his thoughts on a couple of tanks. And the tanks were fascinating. For some reason, whoever had done the design of the building had had a vision and they’d executed it; the tanks looked like classrooms-turned-reefs, replicas of desks and tables cast in plaster and then given coral to grow over them, furnished with lighting that looked like fluorescent strip lights in classrooms and even sometimes sporting false windows out to the street. And all the while, inside, sharks and huge groupers and small brightly-colored reef fish and schooling fish and others besides serenely went about their business. It was inspired, it really was. His parents would’ve gotten such a kick out of it.

Alicia had shown him around, and then they’d gotten food.  It was a very nice afternoon, all things told.

The second was less pleasant. Just as he and Alicia were going their separate ways, Dan got an email from the school about a missing student, a request for more information if anyone had any. They had last been seen about a week before, and their car had just turned up abandoned at Lake Wenatchee, a state park a little ways outside Spokane. Dan hadn’t seen that happen before. Unfortunate, but not anyone he knew. He filed it away mentally and had pretty much stopped thinking about it by the time he got back to his apartment.

The third, and most objectively inconsequential, was that his first afternoon class had been canceled. His professor had come down with the flu.  

And, finally, though they didn’t have class together today, Jay had called Dan and asked to meet with him. Evidently Jay had missed a lecture, or maybe several, and wanted to see Dan’s notes. The timing was just right.

“I know what you’re doing,” Dan said without preamble.

“Huh?” Jay said.  “Oh, right. I know you work for the school, but I didn’t think you’d be that much of a hardass.”

“What?” Dan said.

Jay paused, looking Dan over for a moment. “Actually, what are you talking about? I don’t think we’re on the same page.”

“With the fish,” Dan clarified. Jay raised the odd ridges of flesh over his eyes that functioned as eyebrows. “I’m mer, you asshole. I can talk to them. They told me what fucked-up shit you’ve been pulling. What’s your problem?”

“Sometimes I get hungry,” Jay said. “Can I see your notes now?”

“Sometimes you get hungry?” Dan echoed. It took him a moment to remember how to form sentences properly. “Go to the—fucking—there are vending machines all over campus, there’s a cafeteria, you’re an underclassmen, don’t you have a meal plan—you get hungry? Hungry?”

Jay looked at Dan as though he were completely unimpressed and completely unmoved. “Okay. Can I see your notes now?”

Dan took a deep breath. “Jay, I’m here on behalf of the fish to ask you to cut the shit.”

“Huh,” Jay said. “Are you, like, going to let me see your notes, or was this just, you know, pretext to yell at me?”

Dan sighed, pulling his knapsack around to see if he could find his notebook. “No. As much as I think the way that you’ve started going after these fish is creepy as all fuck, I don’t really want your grades to suffer. Stop eating the fish.”

Jay shrugged. “I guess I can go out of campus and—”

“No,” Dan said, cutting him off. “Not the campus fish, all the local fish. I first heard about this from the fish in the Spokane. Everyone at Riverside Park is sick of your shit. It’s creepy, Jay. What’s the point of getting all buddy-buddy with fish you’re planning on eating?”

Jay’s eyes narrowed. “What, should I kill without a thought, then? What if I catch a fish with obligations?”

“That’s not why you’re doing it.”

“You’re right,” Jay said. “It’s not. But it is a consideration, among many. I don’t think it’s as bad as you think. And, no, I won’t be stopping any time soon.”

Dan shook his head and threw the notebook at the table. “Give it back to me when we have class again. And after that, I don’t want to hear from you.”

“What’s the big problem?” Jay said, suddenly sounding much more concerned. “Acanthis, they’re just fish.”

“They’re not just fish to me,” Dan snapped. “I’m mer, you asshole. It’s not the same. And—the way you do it is creepy. I don’t like it. Just because I know fish aren’t people to you doesn’t mean they don’t matter to me.”

“Oh,” Jay said. “The issue is that I eat fish?”

“I eat fish!” Dan said. “Are you being—are you being willfully stupid now? The problem is that you’re making friends with the fish you eat!”

“Ah,” Jay said. “Yeah, no, sorry, there’s nothing you can do about that. It’s been good knowing you, Acanthis. Thanks for the notes.”

“Fuck yourself,” Dan said, rather charitably, as far as he was concerned, and stormed back out of the library.

-

Jay did not stop preying on the fish. He did stop asking Dan for notes. He did also return Dan’s notebook, in about the same condition as he’d taken it, but there was an odd blue stain on one page.

 And life continued as it normally did. The class continued. Dan got familiar with the professor, a lovely older woman called Dr. Bernadotte Maragou, who was very sweet and worked in the Health Sciences department but was still nonetheless teaching an ecology course because the school was lacking a professor to teach it and she had the necessary bioinformatics background. Unfortunately, Jay did, too. He was—to everyone else, at least—charming, or at least something like it. To hear Bernie speak, he was sweet and helpful and wouldn’t hurt a fly.  But if she could hear the fish, she’d think he was the devil. All everyone else’s adoration served to do was make Dan like him even less.

Still, the end of the semester approached apace, and Dan kept his focus on himself and his friends as much as he was able. Most of the fish that Dan was familiar with knew better than to trust Jay by now, and he heard that Jay was venturing further and causing trouble in different places instead, but he left it alone. Realistically, what was he going to do? It was the only reasonable thing. He stopped by the aquarium on occasion, which was a delight in and of itself, and he got his work done, and he kept in touch with his colleagues in the Atlantic and they kept him posted on what they were seeing with the shark populations they were monitoring. There were some instances of bad news—the missing student never showed up, and another one or two, Dan wasn’t sure, joined them in vanishing off the face of the earth, but it was a city and these things happened and it didn’t happen to anyone Dan knew. At the end of the day, all was as well as it could really be.

Until it wasn’t.  

One week before the end of classes, Bernadotte announced to the class as a whole that the university was going to launch the aquarium publicly, explaining briefly what it was and much more rapidly turning to something worse: that, as a pre-opening event, the Environmental Sciences college was hosting an event and anyone enrolled in an CoES class was welcome, for free and everything. Dan watched Jay perk up, visibly interested. Absolutely not.

It was one thing to be eating goldfish from the tank and wild fish out of the river. It was something else entirely to start eating out of an aquarium. Dan couldn’t help but feel protective over a project he’d helped with, too, even if it hadn’t been that much help. He knew a lot of those fish. He was absolutely not letting this rule-flaunting, skeevy asshole fuck it all up.

He accosted Jay outside class. “You are not going to that aquarium.”

“The one with the art installations?” Jay said. “Yes I am. Do you want something, Acanthis?”

“Would you quit calling me by my last name? Stay out of those fucking fish tanks.”

“No,” Jay said. “I have another class to be at, Acanthis, would you get out of my face?”

“The second anything goes wrong at that aquarium, I’m pointing the finger at you,” Dan said. “Don’t even fucking think about it. I’ll know if even a single fish is fucking hurt. If you even speak to them.”

“Acanthis. I have places to be,” Jay said. “Move, or I’m pushing you.”

“This is the only warning I’m fucking giving you,” Dan growled. “Take it. Stay out of the fucking aquarium.”

Jay scoffed and shouldered past Dan. Dan made no effort not to be pushed out of the way, but called after Jay, “I mean it!”

Jay shook his head, like he was rolling his eyes where Dan couldn’t see them, and kept walking.  So the aquarium was screwed, basically.

-

Dan knew he was being a little unreasonable. He wasn’t going to let that stop him, though.

Asking around turned up that Jay likely didn’t have a car, so Dan figured that he was going to try to catch a ride with someone else to the aquarium. It was hardly walking distance, from campus to the center of downtown Spokane. Trying to stop Jay from getting a carpool was going to be hard, but not impossible, of course. He’d figure something out. If he could even figure out who was bringing Jay…

…which turned out to be easier than Dan had expected. Two days after the announcement in class, Bernie had announced that she’d gotten some students who were struggling to make it to the aquarium location, and she would be organizing carpools. That just meant that Dan needed to see who got Jay’s name and somehow convince them not to bring Jay. These were students. He could probably bribe them, or ply them with cookies and alcohol, or something. Wouldn’t be too hard.

It wasn’t to be. Bernie ended up with three kids on overflow, and Jay was one of them. Bernie was a really lovely lady, and sweet as they came. And there was absolutely no way Dan was going to be able to tell her what the issue was without having to answer difficult questions about himself, and besides, she’d probably insist that he was being too hard on Jay and there was a good reason to eat goldfish after telling them you thought they were the best individual fish on the planet or something. So just telling Jay’s transportation to leave him behind unexpectedly was out of the plan.

Eventually, in a fit of desperation, Dan asked Bernie if he could catch a ride with her along with the other three students. She said that he could, and that it’d be a little cramped but there would still be room for everyone.

The night before the event, Dan started asking around again, trying to find Jay to warn him off a second time. This time he didn’t succeed. Everyone knew who he was, of course, but no one could quite find him. One girl even asked Dan if he thought Jay was ”next”—baffling Dan, and when he asked what she meant, she started carrying on about mysterious disappearances and serial killers like she thought they were living in a movie of some sort. No one else Dan spoke to was any more helpful. Jay had to be off-campus somewhere, or maybe he’d vanished into thin air. Dan wasn’t optimistic enough to trust in the latter, but he crossed his fingers anyway. That would be one disappearance Dan wouldn’t mind, that was for sure.

The inexorable march of time went on, as it always did. Tomorrow rolled around. Dan woke up on the morning of the aquarium event and knew that this was it. He was out of time. He just had to find some way to make it happen.

This time, he succeeded in waylaying Jay. It was by chance, even—he caught sight of Jay’s stupid gray horns just barely peeking out over the sea of faces at the front doors to the library and zeroed in on Jay as fast as he could. He grabbed Jay by the arm and couldn’t suppress a second of distaste at the texture of Jay’s flesh—strangely squishy and stiff all at once, like a very full water balloon instead of flesh with bones in it—and then Jay whirled around. “Acanthis?”

Dan opted not to call him on the name thing this time. “This is the last time I’m going to say it. Stay away from the aquarium.”

“Didn’t you say last time was going to be the only warning?” Jay said.

“I am so serious,” Dan said. “You do not want to test me on this. Stay away from the aquarium! Do I make myself clear?”

“Uh-huh. Enjoy the rest of your day, Acanthis.” Jay started to pull away from Dan, and Dan grabbed his arm tighter. His odd glassy eyes narrowed. “You’re going to want to let go of me right now.”

“Tell me you’ll stay away from the aquarium.”

Jay wrenched his arm away from Dan’s grip, much harder than Dan expected. His knuckles ached at the sudden force; he could swear he heard one of his joints crack. “I told you to let go of me, didn’t I? I don’t know how to say this politely, Acanthis—stop telling me to stay away from the aquarium. I’m allowed to be curious about it just like everyone else is. Just because you have a problem with me doesn’t make it my concern. I’m tolerating this, because you work here and I’m probably leaving after another semester. But if you push me, I’m going to start pushing back. Do I make myself clear?”

“I don’t have a problem with you, I have a problem with you eating—” Dan realized abruptly that they were in public and lowered his voice. “Eating the fucking fish! I think that should be fucking understandable.”

“No, you also have a problem with me,” Jay said flatly. “You are not the only one, and I do not care very much. But you will never be able to dictate what I do and don’t do. You had better get that through your head right the fuck now.”

Dan, disbelieving, shook his head. “I can’t fucking believe you.”

“Great,” Jay said, shoving past Dan. He hit Dan in the chest with his shoulder, clearly intentionally. “See you at the aquarium, Acanthis.”

“No you fucking won’t!” Dan called after him, but he vanished seamlessly into the crowd before he was even done speaking.

Fucker.

-

Finally, out of ideas, Dan called up a local friend who did some contract work with the Sideways Court and asked them to temporarily hex Bernie’s car. He felt bad about it, but it wouldn’t be any real harm done, and it’d just keep the car from starting for a while. It would stop the other two students from getting to the aquarium either, but Dan was willing to call that an acceptable loss. He turned up at the parking lot next to the cafeteria at the appointed meeting-time even though he knew it wasn’t going to get him anywhere; it seemed only fair to miss it, and besides, that let him keep an eye on Jay.

Jay gave Dan a very dubious look when he arrived. “You’d better not be waiting here for me, Acanthis.”

“Nope,” Dan said. “Carpooling.”

Jay gave him a long, hard look, and then shrugged and pulled out his phone. “I assume you’ll be dogging my steps all night?”

“You’d best believe it.”

“I don’t mean to insult you, Acanthis,” Jay said, “but this strikes me as a phenomenally stupid plan.”

“I keep telling you, my name is Dan,” Dam said. “And my plan is fine.”

“I’m sure it is,” Jay said, not looking up from his phone. “Look, for all anyone knows, you’re the concern here. Everyone at the library saw you getting handsy and aggressive with me. You have fuck-all in the way of evidence. And I’m—”

A car pulled up along the cement, and Jay cut off, picking his head up. “Ah, there’s Doctor Maragou,” he said, in exactly the same casual tone.

That was weird, and eerie. “Hey, Bernie,” Dan called, trying to keep any sort of distrust out of his tone of voice. “How’s your day been?”

“Oh, hi, Dan,” Bernie said. “Hi Jay! It’s great to see you both. Have you seen Sophia and Luke?”

“Not yet, but there’s still plenty of time,” Jay said, smiling warmly. “Dan, I know you’re closest with Doctor Maragou. Do you want to sit up front?”

“Generous of you,” Dan said, “yeah. Bernie, should we get in now?”

“Yeah, why not?” Bernie asked. “I think I see Sophia coming over now, anyway. It shouldn’t be too long.”

True enough, Sophia was cresting the small hill between the walking path and the parking lot. As Dan watched, Luke, the fourth student, walked over as well. So that was the whole crowd.

Dan didn’t need to jostle around, not in the front seat, but in the back Sophia, Luke, and Jay had to work out seating arrangements; Jay had volunteered to sit in the middle, but there was a little bit of difficulty with the seatbelts, and it took a few minutes of shuffling about before Luke finally announced to Bernie that they  could start driving. Bernie nodded, smiling, and made to pull out of the parking lot. And then her car made a terrible backfiring noise.

“What the hell was that?” Luke blurted. “I mean, um, sorry Professor.”

“What the hell was that?” Bernie muttered, stepping on the gas again. Nothing happened.

“That’s… weird,” Sophia said. “Professor M., has that ever happened before?”

“Nope,” Bernie said. “I’ve never had any car do that before.”

“I can take a look at it,” Sophia said, already opening the door. “I’m good with cars.”

“Hang on a minute,” Bernie said, turning her key in the ignition. Nothing happened. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Yup,” Sophia said.

“How sure?” said Bernie, pressing on the gas again.

“Very sure,” Sophia said. “I like cars. Pressing on the gas isn’t going to do anything good if it‘s not igniting, so maybe stop doing that.”

Bernie stopped pressing on the gas very quickly. “Okay. You can look under the hood, if you want. Let me come out and look at it with you.”

The two of them stood outside the car looking at the hood for a good ten or eleven minutes. Jay made dubious eye contact with Dan through the rearview mirror. Dan pretended not to notice.

“Um,” Luke, the other classmate, said awkwardly after about two minutes of sustained silence. “So, uh, you’re Professor Acanthis, right?”

“You can call me Dan,” Dan said.

“Yeah, but you teach the fieldwork for nonmajors class, right?”

“Yeah,” Dan said. “Why?”

“Is it particularly hard?” Luke asked. “I mean, work-intensive. I’m setting up my schedule for next semester.”

Dan paused, trying to think about that. “I just started teaching it this semester. I think it’s pretty light, but you’re better off asking one of my students.”

“He means it’s very easy,” Jay said tonelessly. “Acanthis, tell him your late work policy.”

“It’s Dan,” Dan said. “As long as it’s in before the end of the semester, I don’t take points off late work.”

“They meet once a week, there’s a lab report due but you can work on it in the class, and it’s for nonmajors,” Jay added. “Very easy class. If you want an easy A you should take it.”

“Huh,” Luke said. “Thanks… Jaaaaaames?”

“Jay,” Jay said, but now that Dan was listening he pronounced it a little oddly, sort of more like ‘Joy’ than ‘Jay’. “Luke, right?”

“Yeah,” Luke said. “Are you planning on taking it next semester? I thought you and Professor Acanthis had… um.”

“Drama?” Jay asked, and laughed under his breath. “No, it’s nothing serious, but I’m on the pre-med track. Have to take macrobio field instead. I’m only in class with Doc Maragou because it qualified as an elective.”

“What’s the deal, actually?” Luke said. “Like, if you don’t mind me asking, because I heard you guys were really, uh… but you seem chill now.”

“Like I said,” Jay said, “it’s nothing serious. Me and Acanthis have a couple disagreements over… I don’t know, I don’t want to get into it. And a friend of a friend was talking shit about me that he believed, but I think we’re over that. Mostly it’s personality clash.”

“It’s not personality clash,” Dan said. “He’s fucked over a few friends of mine and won’t stop doing it.”

Jay raised his eyebrows at Luke, who smiled rather tightly back. “It is really not that serious. He doesn’t like that I don’t do what he tells me. I get it. I don’t like to be told what to do. It’s a personality clash. We’re working it out. This time next year, I imagine you won’t even hear that me and Acanthis were arguing.”

“Huh,” Luke said. “Right.”

Dan willed himself not to argue, even though that was blatantly untrue. He didn’t need to hash the whole thing out in front of a human audience. Fortunately, about that point Bernie came back around. “We can’t figure the problem out,” she said through the driver’s-side door, “so you three might as well come out. I’m not sure what we’re going to do here.”

“Damn,” Luke said.

“It’s a bit of a walk,” Jay said, “and it’ll get us there a little late, but we could take the Six over to Riverside.”

Dan turned to look at him, uncomprehending. He could see the other three do the same.

“The bus,” Jay said. “Don’t any of you go anywhere?”

“I only take the campus shuttle,” Luke said. “Sorry.”

“Huh,” Jay said. “Anyway, if that’s the plan, we should probably get moving. If we miss the bus we’re going to be waiting for a good hour for the next one.”

“I think the event ends at eight,” Bernie said.

“And it’s, what, six now?” Jay said. “So we’ll basically miss it. I don’t particularly want to do that,” he said, making eye contact with Dan with a weird little sedate smile on his face, “so unless anyone has objections, let’s get moving.”

“How far of a walk is it?” Bernie asked.

Jay shrugged. “Maybe a few miles? It’s at the transit center. Do you know where I mean?”

“Oh!” Bernie said. “Okay, I think I can do that.”

“Fan-ta-stic,” Jay said. “Luke, Sophia, you two on board?”

“Yeah, sure,” Sophia said.

“You didn’t ask Dan,” Luke said.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Jay said. “He’s going to follow me no matter what I ask him.”

“Oo-kay,” Luke said. “Yeah, I’ll come.”

Jay smiled, waving a hand and starting to walk rather briskly. “Alright. We have half an hour. Let’s move.”

Dan had never walked between the campus and the transit center like this before. This part of Spokane—of Washington, really—was gorgeous. Jay kept them hurrying along the side of the road, but Dan and Sophia kept slowing down to look at the trees or the rock faces or the rivers and falling behind. Dan wished he could say it was intentional, but it really was just that beautiful. And because they kept stopping at the same things, he and Sophia had started talking, aimlessly commenting on the trees and the water.

Then the road they were walking along turned into a bridge, high over a wide waterfall. All of them stopped, even Jay.

“This reminds me of where I grew up,” Sophia said to Dan. “I was walking distance from Wairere as a kid.”

Jay turned as though that had caught his attention. “Wairere Falls?”

“You’ve been there?” Sophia asked, looking a bit surprised. “Yeah.”

“They were more impressive than this, I think,” Jay said. “I don’t know, the last time I was in New Zealand was nearly thirty years ago.”

“Aotearoa,” Sophia said.

“Couldn’t have been,” Luke said, at about the same time. “How old are you?”

Jay laughed. “You think someone with a face as plastic as mine looks my age? I appreciate the vote of confidence. I’m pushing forty.”

Was that his cover? That he’d just undergone a bunch of surgeries?

“Oh, wow,” Bernie said. “What did you do before you decided to go into medicine?”

Jay glanced sidelong at Dan. “Professional fishing. Do you still need a moment to ogle?”

“Not hassling us to get moving again already?” Dan asked.

“We’ve got a little time,” Jay said.

“You were on us the whole way here,” Sophia said, still staring at the falls.

“Yeah, because I knew you were all going to stare here. It’s a nice waterfall. Take your time. I’ll tell you when we really have to get a move on.”

Dan turned that one over in his head for a moment. Was Jay expecting him to have delayed more intensely? Was that what that actually was? Or was this actually a moment of… what, generosity in disguise? Jay was such a strange person.

It was a nice waterfall, though, and the water below it looked deep and clear. Dan walked to the part of the railing Jay was leaning on, trying to look subtle, and leaned over. “Between the two of us, we’re the only ones who can breathe under water.”

“I can’t, actually,” Jay said. “I don’t breathe at all.”

Dan stopped, looking at him properly. Jay shrugged. “No lungs. Don’t breathe.”

“But you can  live under water, right?” Dan did his best to clarify.

“Yeah, that I can,” Jay said. “What about it?”

“Have you ever gone over a waterfall like that? If you’re here, and you were in New Zealand around waterfalls.”

Now it was Jay’s turn to look at Dan oddly. “I have, actually. Not often, but I have. Are you about to ask me for advice?”

“I just… wonder, I guess,” Dan said. “Does this one look like it’d be good to jump off of?”

Jay was quiet for a moment, studying the water. “Well, depends what you mean by good. You’ll probably get spun really hard. Impacting the water will probably hurt, but you don’t want to dive or anything here, or you’ll risk hitting the bottom, I think, it doesn’t look that deep to me.”

“You could’ve just said no,” Dan said.

“Those are the only problems. If you don’t like being disoriented, that’s on you,” Jay said. “The water is clean and clear and there’s no rocky outcroppings to hit yourself into. It’s pretty damn good, as far as these things go.”

“Sounds kind of unpleasant.”

“It’s  one of those things,” Jay said, turning toward the other three. “If you liked it, you’d probably already know that by now, and if you don’t, you’ve never thought about it. I’m not sure what kind of thrill-seeking mer adolescents get up to, though.”

“Me either, really. I lived most of my life on land after I turned twelve.”

“Huh,” Jay said. “That’s why you’re like this.”

“Like what?” Dan started, but Jay was already walking toward the other three. “Jay!”

“We’re going to get moving again, guys,” Jay said, waving. Bernie, Luke and Sophia reluctantly fell into step behind Jay again. Dan, for his part, hurried up to stand next to him so he could ask what the fuck Jay was talking about.

“What do you mean, that’s why I’m ‘like that?’”

“Do you want them hearing? I thought your being here meant you had to be super hush-hush.”

“Honestly, I’ve been wondering this whole time. Why don’t you?”

Jay gave him a disbelieving look. “Obviously I’m supposed to.”

“Well—you’re not, and no one’s tried to arrest you yet.”

“You’d be surprised at how low-profile I can be. Plastic surgery,” he said, tapping the ridges of flesh around his eyes, “tattoos, nail polish, and sometimes I can pass the horns off as a headband. Sometimes, if I’m really worried,” he glanced back at the other three, “they’re not looking. Watch this.”

Dan turned toward him, not sure what he was about to do, and was completely unprepared for his horns to just—sink back into the top of his forehead seemingly of their own volition. “What—?”

“It’s uncomfortable, though,” Jay said, replacing them with a gesture that looked more like spitting something out than horns protruding through his face. They were now streaked with some sort of bluish, viscous fluid, like dish soap. Jay ran his hands over them, and then rubbed his hands together, and when he went back to talking neither the horns nor his hands were wet.

“Neat trick,” Dan said, totally astonished.

“Handy, yeah,” Jay said. “Look, not that I’m not appreciating the conversation not suddenly being you yelling in my face and all, but can I ask what prompted the change of heart?”

“No hearts have been changed. I don’t want you to eat my fish,” Dan said. “But I can’t see a way to stop you getting to the aquarium, so I guess I’ll just have to tag around all night like you said I was going to. Might as well make it a little fun, right?”

“I suppose that makes sense,” Jay said slowly, not looking as though he understood at all.

-

The bus was miserable, but the aquarium was fantastic, so it balanced out. Dan did tail Jay the whole time, though Jay obligingly let Dan pick over the remnants of the sushi bar before they went around to the exhibits instead of trying to lose Dan so he could go start snatching schooling fish or something. Dan asked him if he wanted anything, concerned as he was for the live fish in the exhibits; Jay demurred. Something about a food allergy, or something; Dan wasn’t sure exactly what he meant but he sure made it sound like there wasn’t anything at the table that wouldn’t somehow make him sick.

Jay was fascinated by the first-floor exhibits that looked like classrooms. Eventually they made it to the second floor, after Jay had done a long loop around the expansive ground level and spent a lot of time in the touch-tank mumbling to a nervous epaulette shark until he could coax it up toward him. Dan didn’t like it then, but it hadn’t been sinister after all, and he was trying to relax. But just after they made it to the second floor, Jay slipped off into the shadows, and Dan just barely caught up to him before Jay—with Dan’s keys—slipped behind the Employees Only door and beckoned for Dan to follow.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing,” Dan hissed, as soon as he was inside. “They’ll kick you out if you’re back here.”

“Not if I’m with you,” Jay said, which wasn’t true.

“Yes, they will. And they’ll revoke my clearance.”

“Come on. I want to talk to the nursery sharks.”

“Absofuckinglutely not,” Dan said. “I’ll tell on both of us.”

“What the fuck is the big idea?” Jay said. “Look, you can hear both sides of the conversation. And they’re nursery sharks, and I’m not even hungry. I’m curious about living in those drowned fake rooms. Do you know which tank we should be looking for?”

“We’re not doing this,” Dan said.

“Alright, I’ll find out without you,” Jay shrugged, and started walking. Dan reached out to grab Jay’s arm, and—

Well. Dan didn’t actually know what happened, only that his hand closed on solid-ish flesh, and then it was suddenly not solid under his hand at all, and Jay had sort of just pulled away around his fingers. Weird.

“You can come with me or you can stay there, but you’re not grabbing me in private,” Jay said. “I’m not interested in being yanked around, I don’t give a damn how worried you are about the fish. I’m not even going to put my face near the water.”

With deep misgivings, Dan hurried up and followed behind Jay. “It’s, um, door seven. The exhibit you want.”

“Thank you,” Jay said, sounding legitimately a little bit surprised. “Appreciate it.”

“Don’t expect a repeat,” Dan said. “And I will be warning them about you later.”

Jay hummed, pushing through the door slowly. Beyond, they could hear the pump and the water splashing.

Jay bent down by the side of the tank, reaching out with one hand. “This is going to look strange.”

“Everything you do looks strange,” Dan started, but he was right—it did look real fucking strange. The palm of his hand… uncoiled? Rippled and widened? And from the inside came slightly luminescent blue tendrils, about a half-inch wide each and visibly very soft, and slick with some sort of fluid with the consistency of honey, or maybe laundry detergent. He stuck these into the water without a worry, and then said, not too loudly, “Hey. Up here.”

Abruptly Dan remembered the lures. “You have those inside you? You feed them to the fish!”

“Sometimes they’re hungry,” Jay said.

“What are they, worms?” Dan asked. “Some sort of… fungus?”

Jay looked up from the water to squint at him. “Are you trying to fuck with me? Like, is that a joke?”

“What?”

Jay reached over with his normal hand and grabbed one tendril firmly, and then pulled. Hard, actually, hard enough that Dan thought it looked like it had to hurt, and then with a quiet squelching sound a small octagonal segment of his gray skin pulled free from the side of his hand and so did the tendril, still moving freely. “It’s me. I feel like that should be obvious, if the fish were reporting on me to you. That one bass got a good mouthful of my leg a few months ago.”

“What are those?” someone else said, and Jay and Dan both jumped and turned to see that there was a small nursery shark staring up at the both of them. Dan wasn’t terribly familiar with her, but he thought her name started with an s sound, or maybe an m. “Can I eat them?”

“Sure,” Jay said.

“They make fish sick,” Dan said quickly. “Better not.”

“They make fish sick?” Jay repeated. “They shouldn’t. Just drowsy, maybe.”

“Dizzy and sick, is what they told me.”

Jay looked down at his own hand curiously. “So, I’m Jay.” He said it oddly again. Maybe Dan was mispronouncing it. “My friend here is Dan.”

“Danistei,” Dan said, because he gave his real name to the fishes, thank you, and then registered that Jay had said his actual name.

“What’s your name?” Jay continued, as though nothing had happened.

“Svisa,” said the nursery shark.

“Nice to meet you, Svisa,” Dan started.

“We’re delighted you’ll speak to us,” Jay continued, coming very close to cutting Dan off. “I have a couple questions about the environment.”

“Oh, like he’s always asking,” Svisa said.

“Probably,” Jay said. “Do you know what your environment is a replica of?”

“It’s a replica?” Svisa said.

“It’s a replica of a human classroom,” Jay said, rapid-fire. “Thank you, Svisa. What do you think of the lighting on the side of the wall?”

“Oh, he really is always asking that one. It’s fine.”

“You come here from anywhere interesting?”

“Not really,” Svisa said.

“Captive-bred,” Dan cut in. “Svisa, are you bored?”

“A little bit,” Svisa said. “Nothing left in here to catch, and I know all the hiding places. When it’s light out, I can watch the other tank, but they’re dimming everything now.”

“They’re dimming everything,” Jay repeated. “Okay, Dan, up, let’s get out of here before we get caught.”

“Caught,” Svisa repeated.

“We’re not technically supposed to be back here right now,” Dan explained hastily, getting up. “Thank you so much for chatting, Svsia. Jay, was that what you wanted to know?”

“One last question,” Jay said. “How dark are the hiding places?”

“Dark enough,” Svisa said, delicately closing her jaws on a big chunk of Jay’s exposed tendrils. They sheared off cleanly, and started to leak thinner, less viscous blue fluid into the water; Jay rapidly curled them back up without even a hiss. “You’re leaving, I’ll see you some other time.”

“Me, maybe,” Dan muttered. “Jay, if she gets sick, I’m holding you to account for it.”

“She should be fine. It’s like weed,” Jay said. “Bye, Svisa, thanks for talking. Might see you again, might not. I’m curious about the way it feels down there. Dan, hitting the road?”

Dan sighed and followed behind Jay, and the two of them stepped out of the tank room and then into the Employees Only hall and then back into the rest of the museum. It was dim. “What time is it?”

“You have a phone, don’t you?” Jay said, but he was pulling his own out as he said it. “Eight ten.”

“They closed up fast,” Dan noted, a little surprised. “I wasn’t expecting them to kick everyone out and turn the lights off ten minutes after the event ended.”

Jay shrugged. “Maybe they’re just efficient. Let’s make sure they didn’t lock us in.”

They hadn’t, so the two of them walked out the doors and tried not to look suspicious. Or at least Dan tried; Jay looked casual as anything, sauntering out confidently.

“Stop looking over your shoulder,” Jay murmured out of the corner of his mouth, and Dan straightened up. “No, that’s worse, you look even more like you’re sneaking into the pantry to steal cookies or something. Do you just not do this sort of thing?”

“No, I don’t,” Dan said.

Jay paused. “Why were you messing with me so much, then? Starting out strong for your first few bits of mischief?”

“I,” Dan said, trying to wrap his head around that. “It was about the fish. It has always been about the fish.”

“But you had to know I wasn’t going to go after the fish in a new aquarium,” Jay said, sounding almost stupefied. “Right?”

What? “What? No.”

“If I’m going to an aquarium, there’s going to be close monitoring, people around,” Jay said. “And it’s not like they’re filling, anyway. Obviously I’d just go pick someone off in an alley beforehand, if it was that big a deal.”

“I told you, I don’t like you eating the wild fish either,” Dan said. “But I guess—”

“Fish?” Jay repeated. “No, I mean—” And then he stopped, and turned to gesture Dan toward an alley. “Come take a detour with me.”

“What do you mean, not fish?” Dan said, following easily.

Jay looked Dan up and down, still walking. The alley was longer than Dan expected. “I know you said something, at some point, about the ‘patterns,’” and here he made air-quotes with his fingers, “of the way that I ate the fish being ‘creepy.’”

“Yeah, because they are,” Dan said. “I mean, I might’ve been judging you wrong, but it still seems real fucking creepy to me. I don’t really get—”

Jay raised a hand and cut Dan off. “And I read into that, I think. I thought you meant the patterns I ate everything with were creepy.”

“I mean,” Dan started. “I don’t know.”

Jay smiled oddly, waving for Dan to walk a little faster. “And I thought to myself that that was fair, because you were right. And I didn’t know how much you’d told anyone, or how much trouble I’d be in if you had.”

“Jay. What are you getting at.”

“Fish are very unsatisfying, you know.” Jay sighed. “They don’t have much to talk about. Their secrets are inconsequential and not very interesting. And, now, I have a problem, the kind you’re not likely to have heard of. “

“Where are you leading me?”

“You’ll see,” Jay said. The alleyway had gotten so dark that it was difficult to make out anything except for the points of light reflecting off his eyes from the distant billboards on the street. “I need a secret—given freely—before I can eat my fill. Makes it had to order off the dinner menu. Told myself, hey, hospice care, that’s got to be the gig for me. But it doesn’t leave me a lot of time to hunt. So I’ve been scavenging the fishtanks. But do you know what one of the first things you told me was?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Dan stopped walking.

“This explains why threatening you didn’t seem to do anything,” Jay said. “Did you even know I was threatening you?”

“When the hell were you threatening me?”

“That’s what I mean,” Jay said. “I’m full, now, I’m not eating anything. Or anyone. But you know what I’m getting at, don’t you?”

Dan shook his head. “You eat fish, and you’re implying you’ll eat me.”

“About the gist of it, yeah,” Jay said. “Keep walking, we’re going to get to the bus stop a few blocks early. I didn’t want to take you through here if you already knew I was likely to maybe eat you. Didn’t need that kind of thing getting me in trouble, you understand. You cannot do anything about me, but if you decided to start running and screaming it would’ve made my life inconvenient.”

“Are you,” Dan said, trying to find the polite term for it. “Are you a… person with a vamparasitic affliction?”

“Am I a what?” Jay said. “Vamparasitic affliction? Can you not say vampire now?”

“I think it’s offensive,” Dan said.

“If I were a vampire I wouldn’t be offended,” Jay said. “But no. I’m an obligate carnivore under a curse, but it’s a different one. You’ve seen me walk in the sunlight.”

“Can you eat garlic?”

“I can’t eat any plants.”

Dan could start to see the lights at the end of the walkway now. “Why do you eat people, if you can just eat fish?”

Jay looked at Dan for a moment, and despite the low light Dan thought he could see Jay’s needle-sharp teeth glinting in a very sharp smile. “Why does anyone prefer to eat anything? Just tastes better.”

[starcurtain]

Teyvat's "Most Down Bad" Award Goes to Alhaitham for a Second Year Running

Seeing everyone making fun of Alhaitham for his "stalkerish" tendencies in this event is funny, because I feel like a lot of people missed that "Be literally everywhere Kaveh is" has been Alhaitham's MO from the day Kaveh appeared in the game.

From only grabbing his house keys after Kaveh returned from the desert (he couldn't have had both sets of keys at the end of the Archon Quest unless he went home and got Kaveh's copy) to ditching conversations to get back to his house only after Kaveh came home, to showing up without any warning or explanation in Kaveh's hangout with some ridiculous excuse about hearing his voice through noise-cancelling headphones... Refusing to offer any help in the Temple of Silence story quest other than staying in the library with Kaveh...

Since when does Alhaitham willingly cover anyone else's duties?

But this trend of "Be everywhere Kaveh is" didn't start when they were adults. It was already in place when they were still Akademiya students--and it's a trend that didn't end even when they had their fight.

Even when they weren't speaking, Alhaitham dogged Kaveh's every step through published responses to Kaveh's research articles in academic journals. He insisted on keeping a line of communication between himself and Kaveh open, even if the only way to do that was through very public ideological clashes. Pulling Kaveh's pigtails to get his attention lolol. It's implied that, for at least the few years between their fight and Kaveh moving in, this was the only communication between them--Alhaitham's refusal to allow their connection to entirely fade away. (And the fact that this is revealed in Kaveh's character stories--through his precious journal that records the moments of his life that had the most impact on him--shows just how deeply he values the fact that Alhaitham didn't give up.)

Another relevant side note: Alhaitham never asked Kaveh to give up his half of their house. Knowing half of it belonged to Kaveh, knowing that Kaveh may one day want to reclaim his part of it, knowing that it was listed as theirs, Alhaitham moved into the house and made zero effort to change its ownership. He was completely fine with living in "his and Kaveh's house." The stories suggest it was only months later (or even longer) that Kaveh even noticed he had the house, and he transferred away ownership of his portion without Alhaitham ever asking him (or even seemingly wanting him) to do so.

Please, let that sink in. Alhaitham actively left his grandmother's (presumably comfortable) house to move into "his and Kaveh's house," with no apparent explanation for why, and after doing so, he made no attempt to change that "his and Kaveh's" label. He moved into the house with no promise that Kaveh wouldn't show up on the doorstep the very next day and move in too. It almost feels like another deliberate provocation--I've moved into our house, are you going to come stop me? LBR, if Alhaitham had had his way, Kaveh would have been living there with him from Day 1...

There's also the fact that Kaveh literally can't write on a single message board anywhere in the entire nation of Sumeru without Alhaitham hunting his messages down and responding to them (which absolutely no one else does, by the way).

"NUH-UH!" "UH-HUH." "NUH-UH!"

Alhaitham's own character stories tell us explicitly that one of Alhaitham's defining character traits is "He is never where you need him to be," yet somehow...

Shot, and chaser:

Any time Kaveh is in the slightest bit of need or danger or just wants Alhaitham near, Alhaitham is "coincidentally" exactly where Kaveh needs him to be, whenever Kaveh needs him to be there.

Alhaitham didn't just "happen" to run into Kaveh in Port Ormos, an entirely different city from where he was supposed to be working. He didn't just "happen" to read the same terrible book as Kaveh when we know he otherwise would not waste a moment of his time on poorly-written literature...

He didn't just "happen" to appear when Kaveh was upset and needed a distraction in the House of Daena during Kaveh's hangout. He didn't just "happen" to be sitting around waiting when Kaveh needed answers after the Archon Quest. He didn't just "happen" to find Kaveh's academic publications and every single message board posting and respond to them at length and in public.

Which is exactly what Kaveh's mother told Kaveh he needed.

What level of down bad is "Abusing your powers as an Akademiya employee to keep tabs on your crush's library loans"? Just asking for a friend.

The only person for whom Alhaitham just "happens" to be available is Kaveh, over and over and over again--because he is very deliberately making himself a constant presence in Kaveh's life.

(Like, out of all things, I think people really underestimate the devs deliberately paralleling the romantic relationship between Kaveh's mother and father with Kaveh and Alhaitham's relationship. If you want to point to one thing that says "These two characters are intentionally queer-coded," it doesn't get any more obvious than this.)

Alhaitham, are you not embarrassed to be this transparent??? 🫣

[theoldsports]

SHITHEAD.

Art Donaldson x Reader.

warnings: a lot of them. 18+, slapping, begging, major angst, brat!Art, an argument with make up sex. Art is really manipulative because… he is a bit and we all know it. [Y/N] is very ill-tempered too. it’s dirty.

can be a part ii to SPONTANEOUS, or read as a standalone. this is my favorite piece of writing i have published on this account.

The bed was empty beside [Y/N]. She stared at Art’s empty side of the bed. The soft green sheets and mix-matched pillowcases went unoccupied. Not because he wasn’t home, but because [Y/N] hated Art so he had to sleep downstairs on the couch.

It wasn’t that she really hated Art. She did hate him right now. Not in a funny way. Their drive home had been silent. Poor Art didn’t know how to facilitate conversation that wouldn’t worsen the situation. His sorrowful eyes, but honest eyes kept glancing from the road to where [Y/N] sat in the passenger seat. The real showdown had started between them something awful when the door to their house slammed shut.

See, Art cried when he got mad. Or sad. Or profoundly excited. Their wedding photos were two-thirds Art crying and trying not to show that he was crying.

Art hadn’t cried tonight yet. That pissed [Y/N] off. She was furious and he seemed to feel absolutely zero discernible feelings about that.

They argued all the time. It rarely lasted all too long.

It was different this time. When [Y/N] started to say something cruel or shout or weep, Art got a little smaller, but he alarmingly stood his ground. He averted his gaze and said “I respectfully disagree,” or “What the fuck do you know about how I feel?” in a dangerously level tone.

Fighting with Art about this wasn’t fun. He was too cool about. He knew he was right. [Y/N] wanted to yell and scream because Art was so relaxed and condescending in his tone. When the man who had spent his teenage years getting referred at competition after competition as literally Ice tonelessly said: “Jesus Christ, aren’t you bored yet? What, going to over-explain the same information to me again, or…?” Finally, that had made [Y/N] drag herself to bed and yank the door closed violently enough that she felt the metallic vibration run all the way up to her shoulder.

And she was still laying there, staring at Art’s side of the bed.

At the Zweig’s party that night, there were a few hot topics in the Donaldsons’ sphere:

1) Lots of congratulations from people that had known them grow up, but hadn’t seen them since the wedding or prior.

This was mostly very kind. It dragged that smirk up Art’s face and caused his fingers to dig tighter into [Y/N]’s waist. That look of pride and tenderness on his face was more than welcome.

2) Lots of questions about Patrick. His lack of attendance was felt.

Both Donaldsons dodged these question as much as they could. Art kept an eye on [Y/N]’s liquor consumption. He knew how embarrassed she would be if she said something she regretted in front of Patrick’s family. Patrick had hurt them both, but Art’s heart went out to [Y/N]. Her world had been built around Patrick’s from a young age. Art was trying to engineer his own world higher around her so she wouldn’t be able to see the old place and people that had burned her over the walls.

3) “You’re married. When are we going to be seeing a little Donaldson running around?”

With Art keeping an eye on [Y/N]’s drinking, she hadn’t really been keeping an eye on him. She just assumed he would keep his shit together. Art drinking in public was never really a concern. He wasn’t a big drinker anyway. At this point, his career mattered more and he was approaching his mid-twenties which made him feel surely less young than he had once. He wasn’t a casual beer guy either. It was Patrick who liked beer and Art who would have a moledo or something sometimes. Art did like white girl drinks, though. Tequila and fruity stuff. He had been able to shoot shot after shot of vodka like a pro in college at a season-end celebration.

Art was a tight-lipped man, but he was a giggly drunk who he got pretty comfortable talking out of his ass from behind a glass with an umbrella in it. Art was rarely comfortable with anything, so a drink or two at a party was welcome to him.

Another important point of context is that the largest point of tension between Art and [Y/N] was starting a family. They desperately wanted a child together, but they disagree on when. [Y/N] felt like she was fresh out of college, so she figured they had plenty of time. Art felt that he was fresh out of college, so he figured they may as well get to it.

Their arguments about this were once semi-regular. In the last four months or so, Art timidly bowed out and hoped [Y/N] would tell him when she was ready (sooner rather than later). He got tired of the low-tier shouting matches. Instead, he would pick fights about things that were decidedly lower stakes when he was bored.

Art had let [Y/N] field comments about family planning throughout the night. Unfortunately, when Art was polishing off a second drink, he ran his mouth a little bit.

Knowing he was the designated driver that night, Art did go easy. Art was also, like, five pounds. While he could hold his liquor with grace, he always got giggly. He watched with heavy eyelids as [Y/N] walked away to collect another drink following the dinner portion of the evening. The paper placecards with their shared last name emblazoned on them rested comfortably in Art’s inner jacket pocket to be kept as a memory.

Some guy who sold boat insurance and liked to rub elbows with talent was talking Art’s ear off. Art couldn’t remember his name, but [Y/N] would know it.

This was the precise moment that got Art in trouble.

Because when the guy whose name Art was sure started with an R said: “So! You’re married. When are we going to be seeing a little Donaldson running around?”

Art said:

“Any day now, I hope. Tomorrow. I’m good to go. [Y/N] thinks now’s not a great time for her.”

He had said it with a smirk and a stupid little laugh. It was basically locker room talk. Big deal. He would’ve said it to Patrick with [Y/N] present in the room. This guy wasn’t Patrick and he was technically speaking behind her back.

Art had forgotten how close they were standing to the bar. He had forgotten that the frequency of his pitchy tenor was known to carry. He had forgotten that he was well known to be an instigator of fights even though he never actually threw the first punch. He had forgotten that he hadn’t been whispering. He had forgotten that this guy… Richy? Ronnie? was pretty much a stranger who had no business knowing their business.

Now, Art was sleeping on the couch and his side of the bed was empty.

Jackass.

[Y/N] stared still at the empty bed and didn’t know how to articulate her upset to an Art who had seemingly yet to feel ashamed.

She had a headache and was tired. But sleep wasn’t going to come easy and all she had to look forward to was a hangover.

Art didn’t really snore, but he was a heavy breather when he slept. The lack of his white noise made the A/C blowing and the stairs creaking too loud. Maybe all of this was on [Y/N] for making Art uncomfortable, she dared to think.

Then she reminded herself that it was Art’s fault for talking too much and for drinking when he knew he was supposed to drive home.

[Y/N] rolled over to face away from Art’s spot. All she could think about is how his hands always sleepily pawed at her to pull her back when she got too far away from him before he fell asleep.

“So, what’d you do?” Patrick asked.

“She hates me.” Art replied. It was almost a question.

“I asked what you did, not what she feels. She already told us what she feels and it’s that she hates you.” Patrick stated. When Patrick had stopped through town for a match, he had come by for dinner with, well, his best friends. This had been right after they’d gotten engaged.

Art sniffled. He didn’t want to cry in front of Patrick. Art would sooner cry in front of his own father. Both men would have laughed in his face, but it would have stung more from Patrick. “We got into a fight yesterday. A big one. Like, the first, uh, big one. She’s worried about the f—“

“The future? Please,” Patrick said bitterly. He frowned and his jaw tightened, but he combatted it by tossing Art a smile before the other man noticed the tension. “Stupid. You’re gonna marry her. You’ll play tennis. She’ll do her… columns? Articles. I don’t get what it is that she does—“

“She writes for—“

“Sure, yeah. You’re gonna have two kids so you can each pick a favorite one. And she’s gonna be a pain in your ass forever. Don’t be a pussy.”

Art sniffled again and stared at the floor. “I didn’t mean to do anything wrong. I didn’t think I did,” Art said meekly. “I don’t get it. She gets so mad sometimes. At me.” Patrick stared at him blankly. Art had to know that he was usually at least a little bit the problem.

“Did she do the thing where she calls you a—“

“Shithead bastard?”

“Shithead bastard.” Both boys said at the same time. Art dragged his hands through his hair and looked up at Patrick. Both of them quirked a smirk at the other.

“See,” Patrick started. “You’ll be fine. Fuckin��� go after her.”

“And say what!”

“Uh… ‘I’m sorry?’ You do that kinda shit. She’ll like that.”

It was impossible to know how long [Y/N] laid there. The clock was on Art’s side and she would get spitting mad if she rolled back over.

She could just go downstairs and tell Art to come back to bed. He was probably sleeping just fine.

“Hey, hon, you don’t hate me, right?” Art’s voice whispered in the darkness.

[Y/N] was fairly certain she had imagined it. She had not heard his sweaty feet on the stairs or his fingers against the doorknob. Quickly, [Y/N] whipped over to face the door behind her.

There was Art. His sweatpants sat low on his hips and his shirt was long gone. Clothing didn’t often survive the night on Art’s back.

Really, she couldn’t help but wonder how long it had taken Art to work through coming upstairs so quietly. “Mm?” [Y/N] groaned in question.

Art rocked his right shoulder into the doorway to lean. His arms were crossed and his eyes straight ahead on her from what [Y/N] could tell in the glow of the hallway’s thermostat. “Please just tell me you don’t hate me and I’ll let you go back to sleep. I can’t stop thinking about it.”

With a sigh, [Y/N] sat up and rolled her cracking shoulders back. “I don’t hate you, Art.” Her heart melted a little bit. [Y/N] knew it was immature, but her special attack in arguments since childhood was to bandy around the word hate a lot. Not that she had said it to Art tonight, but she had no doubt said it before. More than once. More times than she could count, maybe.

She was surprised Art had never asked this before. That surprise hurt in an a way that was too complex to describe. “I could never hate you.” [Y/N] continued, voice hushed only because it was dark out.

Art’s posture relaxed slightly. “You promise you don’t?” Said Art’s evermore crippling lack of self-confidence.

“I promise.” [Y/N] replied calmly.

“Okay. Thank you.” Art said in a small voice.

“I love you, baby. I don’t hate you. You shouldn’t have to ask that. I’m sorry I made you feel like you even have to ask that.”

Art frowned sharply. “No, I’m the one that should be sorry. You told me nicely not to talk about—“

“Don’t play that. You have to know you don’t feel like you did anything wrong, so you don’t have to invent a situation where you’re some horrible person.”

Art was silent.

[Y/N] continued. “I’m pissed because you told Randy,” RANDY. His name was RANDY. That’s it. “Our business. My business, really. He’s an asshole. It’s fine. Well, not now, but eventually. But you kinda martyred yourself on it. You don’t have to do that and I don’t hate you. You know I don’t… Right?”

“I’m sorry.” Art said quickly. He was gifted at making every single minor problem his own fault. He knew he was a little bit of an awful person for that, but he would die before admitting it. Art would hide behind his martyring habit as long as his cross could hold him, though. [Y/N] hadn’t noticed before this moment, but she could see the shining of his eyes in the digital blue-green glow. Tears. This time, less than obvious waterworks. Aw.

“I’m sorry. I’m still pissed at you for running your mouth, but I’m sorry too.”

Art nodded, said nothing else and reached for the doorknob.

Here is a frustrating thing about Art.

He said he was going to leave for downstairs once [Y/N] said she didn’t hate him. He started to make good on that vow. If he says something, he’s going to do it, even though he doesn’t have to do it.

“Come on,” [Y/N] called louder than she’d been whispering. “Come here, pretty baby.”

Pretty Baby by Blondie had been their wedding song. She had been calling him that for almost as long as she had known him. Saying it, or hearing the song always made that stunning, small crooked smile stretch up beyond his sad puppy eyes all the way to his ears.

Art’s kryptonite was pretty baby. They both knew it.

He turned to look at her with a slight blush on his cheeks, almost visible in the dark. Art shifted one of his feet childishly over the other in apprehension.. “Don’t make me say it again. I don’t like to ask twice.” [Y/N] reminded him.

After a hasty nod, Art was in bed before he [Y/N] blinked. The blonde sat bolt upright beside [Y/N] with his eyes wide. Hesitant, but coyly so. He knew this pattern. The agony and shame from her brutality would only last so long. Housepets loved to cause trouble for treat.

Not to say that Art liked to start fights so he could play some low-status lapdog that got to feel his wife’s fingers comb through his hair the way he liked as a reward for an apology. The man bit his cheek to avoid a devious smirk. A part of him did like to do that sometimes, though.

He always got away with it. He was such a nice boy.

[Y/N] rolled her eyes and leaned back into the threadbare pillows. With a finger, she beckoned Art nearer. Hesitation eliminated, Art flopped slowly down beside [Y/N]; she on her back, he on his side, facing her. Delicately, Art’s fingers dragged down [Y/N]’s arm to curl in her fingers.

Not long after that, his plush mouth climbed down from her neck. Then shoulders and collarbones. Then bicep. Elbow. Forearm and wrist. Down her hand to her silver-studded ring finger. Each kiss with accompanied with an honest and dutiful I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. He was sorry. Genuinely. Sorry for the upset he brought his wife, but not the cause. Art’s beautiful duel-colored eyes glanced up at [Y/N]’s blown pupils through her own fingers.

“I didn’t mean to talk about you like that… I just… I love you so much that I want more of you. That’s all, honey,” Art laid his head on [Y/N]’s upper chest and his mouth moved against the front of her throat. “I’m just a little stupid, huh…”

Under his lips, Art could feel the rumble of a laugh rip through [Y/N]’s throat. Her fingers tangled themselves in his hair to hold him in place. “Do-don’t talk about yourself like that,” she mumbled and gave his hair a lovely tug with both hands. He whimpered. [Y/N] wanted to bottle that sound. Art would always remember what she said next and how she said it: “Only I get to talk about you like that… St-stupid.”

This was the version of [Y/N] he was going to remember when he thought of her every day for the rest of his life. That sentence, the way her hair hung from where he had pushed it away from her neck. The sting of the cold metal from her wedding ring on the back of his neck and the stone of her engagement ring pressing into where he reached his palm to place his hand over hers. There was just the wrong amount of clothes between them. Her eyes ringed smoky from the makeup smudges and the exhaustion.

“Say it again.” Art whispered, swinging a knee over [Y/N]’s thighs so he could stare down at her. His forehead pressed softly against [Y/N]’s.

[Y/N]’s mouth fell open slightly with a breathy exhalation. Holy shit. “What, pretty baby, you want me to tell you how stupid you are? You like that?” [Y/N] almost whispered into Art’s still lips. He was too shocked to kiss her back, but too turned on to pull away. Art whimpered louder than before. [Y/N] felt him nod.

So she didn’t hold back. “You think I need to punish you after you behaved like that today or something? You need to atone for what a moron you were, shithead?” [Y/N] kept her tone light enough to just about tease as her nose trailed along the side of his. Her objective was to belittle. Her nails slid down Art’s muscular, sturdy back.

They both knew Art was a masochist on his worst days. Did he get off on being degraded sometimes? Sure. But this series of events was ridiculously new and exciting for [Y/N]. And shockingly obviously for Art too.

His hips pressed into her pathetically. “What? Did you need help with something?” She asked innocently when she felt Art’s hard-on against her thigh. [Y/N] kissed him distractingly warmly for how she was treating him. Art’s head spun and he couldn’t seem to make sense of anything anymore. He had backed himself into the best kind of corner.

Across Art’s hips and side went [Y/N]’s left hand, to the front of his sweatpants. Humiliatingly, Art blinked tears out of his eyes and screwed them shut. His mouth opened and closed, but no intelligent sound came out. [Y/N] planted a kiss at the corner of his parted lips. His strong arms boxed [Y/N] protectively in from above, but she had him locked into place, really. “Baby, if you want something, you know you have to ask for it.”

“Nnh,” Art tried, eyes stuck shut. His attention was mostly spent hold himself up over his wife. His insanely gorgeous wife. [Y/N]’s other hand grabbed his jaw tenderly. He still didn’t look at her. Art was gathering his courage. “Yo-you already told me I couldn’t have what I wanted.”

With a sharp inhale, [Y/N] grip went from gentle to nonexistent. At the lack of contact, Art’s damp eyes crept open one at a time to see if his brattiness had overstepped the situation. His frightened eyes caught [Y/N]’s. She popped the side of his face sharply with an open palm. Art blinked and tipped his head to the side like a dog.

That was big trouble, huh?

“Fuck,” he said. Both of them panted in sync. “I’m sorry.” He meant it.

[Y/N] pulled Art’s face to hers and kissed him hard. “I love… you.” She said.

[yinyuedijun]

kitsune!suo x fem reader | feudal japan au

→ notes for an au set in feudal japan, featuring supernatural creatures and spirits (e.g., youkai). suo is a kitsune, sakura is a nekomata, and nirei is an onmyouji. → see this post for backstory on the bofurin trio (recommended background reading)

note: most information on kitsune-mochi were sourced from folkorist lafcadio hearn's accounts of traveling in japan (c.1901). I did, of course, also take creative license with some of the lore.

reader | kitsune-mochi (fox-employing witch)

→ as a kitsune-mochi, you are a human who has entered a contract with a fox spirit to care for it in exchange for having it lend you its power and carry out your requests. → in your case, your familiar is suo, a nine-tailed kitsune that lost his hoshi no tama. → most witches employ kitsune for the purpose of carrying out malicious acts, like having the fox spirit possess their enemies, steal the wealth of other people, etc. you, however, rely on suo and his power in order to perform exorcisms and exterminate demons—something that you cannot do on your own because you have no innate spiritual talents yourself.

→ although a convenient source of power, these deals are typically risky for the contract holder. you are expected to care for suo for the rest of your life, and any descendants you might have would be cursed to serve him as well. kitsune-mochi are heavily ostracized by human society as well, so if this relationship of yours were to be discovered, then your entire bloodline would suffer. → additionally, these contracts typically favour the kitsune, as they are the ones who define what it means to be "cared for", and may request dangerous or unreasonable tasks. → fortunately for you, suo is not a very demanding familiar! the most basic act of caring for a fox spirit is feeding it, and he's more or less happy with anything you make, though he especially likes tea, wagashi, or dishes with aburaage. this is more or less all he asks of you! → suo's disposition is generally so patient and gentle that you nearly disbelieved that he was a youkai. you were convinced for a while that he was actually a messenger of god who was lying to you about his identity for some reason. (at the very least, you'd noticed that he had a habit of lying to people generally, though this was an unsurprising trait for a fox and it was usually harmless fun.) → this perception of him was shattered when you saw him fight a youkai that seriously injured you. he spent an uncomfortable amount of time toying with it in a distinctly humiliating fashion before finally putting it out of its misery. it was only in that moment that you realised that you'd signed yourself and all of your descendants up for serving a literal demon 👍

→ warning: immortal/human relationship, immortal deity meets reader as a child but doesn't get to know or grow close to them until they're an adult

your backstory with suo

→ at a very young age, you were adopted and raised by a priestess of an inari shrine belonging to a small mountain village. consequently, you developed a deep respect for the kami and affection for foxes. → as a child, you once found a one-eyed, wild fox in a near-death state. this was suo after he lost his hoshi no tama in a battle with a demon—but to you, he just looked like a regular animal. most people would have let this creature die peacefully, but you were adamant on nursing it back to health. while caring for him, you named him mr. adzuki because of the colour of his fur, which suo finds incredibly funny to this day. → suo disappeared after recovering, never making his true identity known. however, out of gratitude toward you and the priestesses for allowing him refuge, he decided to act as the guardian spirit of the village, protecting it until the end of your life. → conveniently, this meant that suo got to eat all the offerings given to inari's messengers at your shrine, as well as allowing him to gain power from the prayers directed toward him. (inari himself seemed not to mind, as no actual fox messengers showed up to throw hands with suo.)

image: gashadokuro, a youkai made from the skulls of humans who died in battle.

→ although your village was peaceful throughout your childhood due to suo's protection, in your adult years, a violent conflict between humans and demons broke out in your mountain range. this resulted in the destruction of nearly all its towns and the brutal deaths of your fellow villagers. suo, not at full power, was unable to stop this, but made it his goal to save you from the carnage. → after allowing you time to grieve your loved ones, suo—still considering himself indebted to you—asked what you would like to do next. he offered you wealth, status, and other material things, but none of these appealed to you. → recognising that the mountains you grew up in would be plagued by malevolent spirits and demons for centuries after all the bloodshed that just occurred, you asked suo to teach you jujutsu. your goal was to exorcise all the vengeful spirits, exterminate the demons, and purify the mountain range so that its villages could peacefully rebuild. → given your lack of innate spiritual abilities, suo suggested that you make a pact with him and become a kitsune-mochi to acquire powers. not wanting to deceive you, however, he fully explained how dangerous it might be to enter such a relationship, and warned you not to trust fox youkai like himself.

→ nevertheless, you accepted his offer and became a witch.

image: sakura irl

meeting sakura & nirei

→ you and suo thus embark on this crazy mission to purify the entire mountain range. while you are more than capable of exorcisms and exterminations, your spiritual abilities (one of a youkai) do not allow you to purify the land. → but that's okay, because nirei and sakura have been traversing these same mountains to exorcise and hunt demons! being an onmyouji, nirei can perform all kinds of purification rituals. when you inevitably run into the two of them, and suo suggests that you all work together. → nirei is more than happy to help you purify the mountain range (because he is a good-hearted person, and also because he usually gets assignments there anyway). he improves his jujutsu under suo's tutelage, and he gets insights on kitsune that he'd otherwise never learn (it's rare for an onmyouji to meet a kitsune-mochi unless it's to prosecute them for some kind of crime, and it's just plain hard to meet and talk with a nine-tailed fox spirit). → sakura is a harder sell. he doesn't trust suo at all at the start, and he trusts him even less when he finds out that he's a kitsune and has been lying egregiously to him. (sakura and nirei spent an entire month thinking that suo was a traveling tea merchant from china and being fed severe misinformation about the entire country.) → however, sakura is very curious about you, because you're the first human he's ever met who has a mutual and trusting relationship with a demon, which he didn't think was possible beyond weirdos like nirei. → you also aren't afraid of him at all even after seeing his nekomata form, which gives him complicated feelings. he reasons that this is because you've fought too many demons to be afraid of any of them, but the actual truth is just that you find suo incredibly scary, and sakura feels harmless and adorable in comparison </3 → sakura deeply enjoys the act of helping the mountain towns and being accepted by their communities, though he's very shy about admitting it! eventually, he does "resign" to joining you in a long-term arrangement, and the four of you take on the endless mission of exorcising and cleansing the mountain range together. it's a very "monster of the week" type of set-up hehe

→ although the work of purifying the mountain range will likely take the rest of your life (and probably will require generations after you), suo often asks you what you would like to do after the work is complete—so that he can think of ways to grant your request. → you decide not to tell him this, but your wish would be to return to your old village grounds and rebuild the shrine that you grew up in. rather than just inari, you would also dedicate it to the worship of the one-eyed fox spirit that once protected your village.

[thefatesofspring]

The acotar fandom will forever be funny to me because by Tamlin’s very own actions, he is the very definition of that one quote/viral TikTok sound that goes something like “the hero will sacrifice the one he loves for the world but the villain would burn the world down for the one he loves” or however it goes.

Tamlin literally sacrificed Prythian twice for Feyre!! 1st was by sending her home when she was still human the 2nd time was by playing spy with Hybern but also using that opportunity to free Feyre from her bargain to Rhysand & get her back so she’s safe.

Rhysand on the other hand…

• sexually assaulted & exploited Feyre

• violated & embarrassed her mental/private thoughts & then exposed them to Tamlin in front of Lucien

• knowingly let an unknowing Feyre be used as live bait for the attor just to see if it was going to continue to follow them & attack

• Had her steal the book of breathing from Summer Court & nearly died in the process

• let her walk into the weavers cottage without telling her that their was a high possibility she would die in the process to retrieve a ring…a ring that’s meant to prove how much she loves & deserves Rhysand even though she had already done the above by this point & didn’t need to do anything more to prove her love for Rhysand

• kept the dangers of her pregnancy away from her

• knew that Ianthe wasn’t who Tamlin or Feyre believed her to be & didn’t warn either of them about her proposal to him for an heir & power, which ultimately lead to them being blindsided by Ianthe’s betrayal.

• twisted the piece of bone in her infected arm to the point where she nearly blacked out from the pain

• complained about 500 gold marks Nesta spent & read the bill which in turn embarrassed Feyre in front of everyone at breakfast, even though 500 gold marks is nothing to him, he has openly admitted that the IC drink & gamble all the time & worse etc

I could go on & on but it’s just funny because the fandom particularly go crazy over that audio & the whole time it doesn’t even apply to Rhysand but to Tamlin but because Tamlin is blonde and doesn’t handle his temper/emotions in the best way, people will jumps through saturns rings to “explain” why that’s Rhysand & not Tamlin even though canon text states otherwise😩😂

Anyway…thank you for coming to my TedTalk

[justahumanthislife]

Behind your back..

Note: pronouns aren't used, gn reader. Short, very short fic

Warning: stalking, victim/predator attitude, the reader is being hunted by one smiling deer, predator behavior, some creepy content at the end, angst, Al considers you his pet, get over it, maybe something else that I forgot to mention lol :)

MilBear: - "I apologize immediately if you find any errors in the text. I don't know English well and use a translator. Anyway, have fun reading! ^^"

********************

He was behind you and you know it.

You can literally feel his presence behind you. And you didn't like it very much. It seemed that you just couldn't tear yourself away from him, because wherever you hid, he would always find you, in any nook, in any crevice.

But it was impossible to stop.

After all, then he would have won. Like all those times in the past when you just gave up. But not now. Now you were going to run, just run. It doesn't matter where, as long as it's away from him at least for a moment..

Run, run, run.... Just run!

Don't look back. He was in the back and you don't have to turn around to prove it to yourself!

You don't know how long you've been running. A few hours? Or maybe just a few minutes.. But it didn't matter. It was important to hide from him, but it seemed that it was simply impossible. And you knew it.

Always knew, but you tried not to think about it. But now it seems that these thoughts are coming back again, reminding you of how insignificant you are and what a stupid thing you did back then.

There was a noise behind you. Bestial, inhuman. It was a wild animal, a demon by nature, dressed in the skin of a red deer, which he was absolutely not at such moments. He was a monster who wanted to get his prize by playing a little with his victim so that prize would seem even sweeter to his perverted taste.

It was an eternal game of cat and mouse, which he always won.

Besides, what else excites the appetite so much, besides an interesting hunt for his funny little animal?

And so, you feel like your legs are just begging you to stop. Your breathing has been lost for a long time, and your lungs are just burning because of the constant running.

But you can't stop.

No, not now. You need a little more time, maybe then he'll finally give up.

And in the hope of finally breaking away and taking a break from this seemingly eternal game of catch-up, you turn around the corner, hoping to see even more roads and escape routes there, or at least some abandoned house in which you could wait it out, but unfortunately you made the wrong move.

It was a dead end.

There was a high wall in front of you, there was nowhere else to run.

The sounds behind you have stopped. You no longer heard these sounds of a predator or the sound of footsteps that sounded well in your ears while you were running. But you know, he's right there. He's standing right behind you. No matter how quiet it is, he's right there.

The pounding of your long-unbreakable heart reverberated in your ears, causing a headache. Your breathing was ragged and very fast. Your body was tired, but you couldn't relax.

You've been caught again..

After just a few moments, you heard the sound of approaching footsteps again, echoing off the walls of some dark buildings. Here it is. The predator finally cornered its prey. Again.

You heard someone stop a meter away from you, watching you and your condition for a moment.

At the same moment, one of the tentacles of the predator standing behind you wrapped around your waist, pulling you exactly into his arms, releasing you at the moment when his hands are squeezing your shoulders while he is still standing behind you, instilling danger with just his presence.

"You were able to hold out longer this time, my dear, well done. Your running and endurance skills have finally improved, which makes our game even more interesting and long, don't you think?" He said with a grin, clearly finding it all just a fun distraction for himself. "But at the end of the day, we both know what's going to happen at the end of every game, hmm?"

Immediately after his words, Alastor bent down and sank his razor-sharp teeth into your always open neck. You screamed because of the sharp and very strong pain, and he only tore out a piece of your flesh with his teeth, greedily devouring this poor and unfortunate piece of meat. Blood sprayed and just poured out of a part of your already severed neck, staining your clothes and falling to the floor. You were breathing hard and fast. Your body was shackled by fear and pain. You felt your consciousness quickly begin to slip away, listening to his quiet laughter and champing somewhere nearby.

Alastor licked his teeth and lips from the blood, enjoying your taste, which he has not yet tired of, looking with his red eyes at you and your poor body.

Your legs are starting to weaken, your consciousness is slipping away from you pretty quickly. Of course, this cannot kill the sinner, but it will still take time to recover. You try to stay on your feet and stay conscious, but it becomes very difficult. A little more and...

Damn it...

You lost consciousness, but Alastor's tentacles wrapped around you, preventing you from falling to the ground. A smirk appeared on his lips as he continued to stare at you.

"Well, well, my dear, you will not stay in such an empty and dark place, especially unconscious. We don't want anyone to touch the body of my cute pet," Alastor said and took your body in his arms and disappeared into the shadows.

He appeared in your hotel room and moved your body onto the bed, allowing it to finally rest and recover.

"Rest, because after that our little game will continue again, my little animal.." the Radio Demon said with a dark grin, disappearing into the shadows again, finally leaving you alone in your room. In your little comfortable space.

Alastor took a very small bite out of you this time, but no one knows what he'll want to do next. And as long as you are his new favorite toy, your game will continue..

[fallen-mario-bros-au]

Aight just a warning I'm pretty new to Tumblr and I'm DEFINITELY new to making AUs so I'm pretty nervous to post anything here but I figured I'd just rip the band-aid off.

FIRST POST HYPE!! :D

Anyways I love Mario and I love Undertale and I NEEDED TO COMBINE THEM LEGALLY so I decided to make an au about it! Dunno if I'm actually going to do anything serious with this, I mostly just want to imagine cute shenanigans with my favorite characters and whatnot, but who knows? Maybe I'll actually try to give this a proper plot

So here's the basic info:

- Mario and Luigi, in the midst of trying to chase down Bowser, who has just kidnapped the princess again, somehow wind up far away from the Mushroom Kingdom and on Mt. Ebott. Where, of course, they fall into the underground.

- All the monsters are pretty much their canon counterparts (at least, my best interpretation of them 💀)

- Mario ends up discovering he has the power to reset/load/save/etc, but Luigi does not. This is because Mario has the most determination to get out of here and save the princess

- Toriel isn't quite as overprotective of them as she would be if they were a literal child like Frisk, but she is still very motherly towards them because it's just kinda who she is. She would probably be concerned about them potentially attacking the monsters so she might make them promise not to hurt anyone. I still don't think she would want them to leave because Asgore would take their souls

- Honestly mostly this is just an excuse for the Mario Bros and the Skelebros to hang out XD

- the thing that is really interesting is that Mario and Luigi are not 1, but 2 humans, which means only one of their souls would be needed to break the barrier. This ends up becoming a real issue but I could see it being resolved in a few ways.

1. one of the bros self sacrifices so the underground goes free (much to the dismay of the other, and also my heart would break haha)

2. They decide to just stay in the underground instead of going home (but they would be pretty sad about it because oh no their kingdom is still in danger

3. ??? IDK tbh

- Since Mario can load saves, he's just constantly in this angsty cycle of trying to keep his bro from getting killed off ;;

- Not sure if Mario could keep the resets secret for long since Flowey would taunt them about it, but he definitely would be pretty closed off about it, especially to Luigi. He does NOT want Luigi to know about the horrible things he's seen

-ofc cut to Luigi being confused as heck as to why Mario seems to already know what's going to happen.

- they have cute sweaters because I said so

- not sure how omega fight would work, but either way Mario would have to fight to save both of them (probably all by himself :c)

- I want them to eventually do true pacifist but IDK how it would work so I'm not gonna think about it too hard rn

- Mario and Undyne having a friendly rivalry about who's the most heroic

- sans trying to convince them they could just stay in the underground and they're like "no we have to save the tiny mushroom people" and he's like "ur just like my bro fr"

- monster speculation about the purpose of mustaches

- It would be kinda funny if they had the firebrand and thunderhand since... Like... Humans aren't supposed to be able to do magic

- "are you sure you're humans? You're so small"

- *confused Italian noises*

Also here's some assorted doodles (I know the quality sucks 😭)

[sabh0]

Is skk abusive? Other than the name calling and banter that I just don't take seriously, I've seen people say that Dazai is abusive since he planned for Chuuya to be tortured in stormbringer and didn't help because it would be boring, despite having the ability to do so. There's also the whole manipulating the sheep thing.

I've also seen people say that Chuuya is abusive because of how violent he is, how he punched Dazai to wake him up in Dead Apple and called him inhuman(? Ngl, I don't remember that part) and because Chuuya shot him more times than necessary in Meursault.

Personally, I struggle to see them as abusive r toxic, if only because of how much they trust and understand each other, and how they rile each other up for fun without letting it actually impact their relationship, but I may just be biased? What do you think?

Ok im just gonna say - dont take this post ad some 100% real wisdom or anything. It's just my personal opinion and it's definitely biased as well because of how much these two mean to me but yeah

I wouldn't call them abusive in relationship terms because all that banter and most of their fights are just, as u said it, unserious.

They're both fucked up a bit tho, so yeah there's definitely some toxic behaviours anyway.

Dazai manipulating Chuuya to join the sheep always made me real sad, but if you think about it more - Dazai knew The Sheep aren't any better for Chuuya. Plus if not like this, Mori would get Chuuya to join PM anyway in one way or another, since it was a plan from the beginning.

Dazai planned the whole 'helping Verlaine' thing to buy time so the PM forces could get ready to protect Mori and Chuuya later. That's mafia they're in - lives are not equal. Also Dazai wouldn't put Chuuya in danger he knew the other wouldn't be able to deal with. Either way, his whole yapping about wanting to see Chuuya being tortured is yet again that stupidly weird banter of theirs. After all, he's trying to find him and literally stop him from doing something he would regret. (Sab is trying to make some points but that still doesn't make whatever Dazai did something good. Just sayin. I just don't feel it's a black or white situation.)

I said it some time ago but lord, Chuuya is not abusive. Look, he knows when it's alright to fight Dazai and when he should stop himself not to hurt him. Even if they fight, he never does it seriously. Basement scene? He could've very well just punched Dazai without warning there. But instead he literally invited him to fight - and Dazai very much agreed to that sht with a smile on his lips. They're just very much not okay in the head on both sides. Later when Chuuya actually got angry, he himself threw his knife to the ground, which only shows he doesn't really have any intent of hurting Dazai seriously (In the manga. In the anime they changed it for whatever reason and he did strike him with the knife. But anime skk is just. Anime skk.).

That Dead Apple argument is so funny bc??? Chuuya was literally UNDER CORRUPTION AT THE TIME??? Corruption literally makes him lose control. He could kill a person with one touch. Instead??? Corruption Chuuya in dead apple somehow managed to hold himself back just enough not to actually hurt Dazai. Also, Dazai f knew he's gonna punch him anyway. I mean, bro kinda deserved it atp tbh /j

Cant really tell much about the shooting thing in Meursault - i stil have no f idea if these were even real, considering the fact Dazai is moving normally and there's no wounds/holes/blood visible on him or his clothes. These were probably just a play like the whole headshot thing?? (Tho dazai's scream and expression after that arm shot say otherwise),, really don't know, call it a better impression on Fyodor or Chuuya actually paying Dazai back for the other times

Ok so ,looks at all that sht i just wrote and tried to still excuse it somehow, I wouldn't call them abusive anyway just bc I've seen actual abusive relationships in real life and that's just uhh different in a way i cant really put my finger on,, there's some toxicity simply from the fact they're emotionally constipated and won't talk things thru like they should but,,, welp. Tbh i see most of their usual fighting as something unserious that both of em r okay with. Usually when they actually get into an argument about something it's because one actually got hurt by the other's words (for example that scene with Chuuya punching Dazai after he made jokes about Colonel's death). And they apologize without really apologizing, too (Dazai going to find Shibusawa and trying to take revenge on Colonel's death and later Chuuya going to rescue Dazai and saying to 'wait for him').

Unpopular opinion but i honestly feel that in the future they could very well form a normal, healthy relationship. They just really need to talk. Bickering and calling each other names for fun isn't imo really a form of abuse, when both sides know it's not meaning to hurt the other fr (if it was, then me and most of my friends would be fr abusing each other unfortunately) (and I don't feel abused even if we call each other names and say we hate each other, while watching cat reels together at the same time) (consider this some sibling-like stuff)

If nothing of whatever i just said makes sense, don't eat me please, it's just really hard for me to explain what i really think without being able to just talk for 5h straight while considering every ppint of view

[ametrictonofaudacity]

Okay so consider!!!

Yandere platonic Geralt!! Generally very cool!! Very nice!! But if you fuck up you have to deal with (what you have dubbed) the get along cuff. Which is literally him just making you sleep next to him and tying your leg to his with a bit of leather cord. It’s thin so he can easily snap it if there’s a danger, but he’ll wake up if you move it.

Also Jaskier being completely fine and okay with this would be hilarious, I would love to see you write a scenerio!! (Idk why but I picture a modern reader, like one who got dropped in the Witcher from the modern world)

I love this ask!! I also love the trope of a modern character in a medieval setting, I think it was all the ‘Modern Girl IN Middle Earth’ fanfics I read (an actual tag on ao3) so I have a weakness for it!! Also Jaskier just going ‘eh’ is so funny to me.

Warnings: forced proximity, captivity, kidnapping, some level of being infantalized, being tied to another person as a form of being restrained, future Stockholm syndrome. Jaskier is complicit, up to you whether he is also a yandere or not. Also the fact Geralt can smell emotions

“You know this could be like, an actual danger?”

You try and reason your way out of your situation, like reason has ever worked on Geralt before. He ignores you, mostly, concentrating on tying the knot around your wrist in a manner that you cannot undo the knot but it also didn’t cut off your circulation. He slips a finger under the cord, testing the knot and the cords strength, and you hear him make a satisfied rumble. You were still getting used to that, to the various sounds the Witcher made to express emotion.

“No it’s not. The cord’s thin, and if I have to fight I can snap it easily. Plus this area doesn’t normally have monsters, not this time of year.”

He stands, towering over you from you spot on the ground, near the fire, and you tilt your face up. The yellow light throws his features into a harsh countenance, makes his face all angles and scars, golden eyes reflecting the light the way a predators would as he glared down at you, scowling. You tighten your fingers in the wool cloak he had given you, so long ago, the fibers catching in your nails.

He must see something in your gaze, or maybe it’s the way you know you probably reek of anxiety right now, but his stance softens, the scowl melting away into something softer, not a smile because you knew he was still very, very upset with you, but not a harsh frown that made you feel small and stupid and like all the things he thought about you were true.

He crouches, making himself smaller next to you, and you feel your shoulders start to unwind. It was strange, being around someone who was so perceptive to your emotions, but seemingly had no clue how to address or handle them, beyond his own instincts as a Witcher and his limited interpersonal skills. His very limited interpersonal skills.

Seriously. You were pretty sure the guy only had two friends.

“You’re going to try and run again. Maybe not tonight, but I clearly can’t trust you to behave without me keeping my eye on you at all times. Since I can’t do that while I’m asleep, this is the solution.”

He motions to the thin leather cord, and you scowl, face twisting into something you know is ugly but doing it anyways. He wouldn’t be intimidated, you knew, he seemed to view you as some helpless kid, even though you were a fully grown adult who had been attending college.

“You wouldn’t have to watch me if you just let me go, Geralt. You can’t… you can’t just not let someone go home, that’s not right.”

You snap, fingers burying further into the cloak to stave off the chill that was only getting colder, creeping up your arms and legs to your torso and making you shiver. It had just gotten dark, the little fire Geralt built crackling away and too small to provide much warmth but rapidly gaining strength, and you shiver, leaning toward the fire and away from the Witcher.

“We’re not having this conversation again. You can’t survive out there on your own.”

Your face flushes, angry, and you bury your face further into the cloak. He had a point, to some extent. You weren’t used to the world of the Witcher, with its monsters and it’s hardships, weren’t used to the roughness of medieval life and all of its struggles. You were used to the modern world, where distances could be travelled by car, not horse, and you didn’t have to endure biting cold in the winter and blazing heat in the summer.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t at least try, Geralt. What kinda person would I be if I didn’t at least try to get home?” You protest, and there’s the sound of rustling, a muttered curse. Looks like Jaskier was back with wood.

“Ah. Seems I walked into a horribly tense situation.”

Jaskier remarks, but his voice is light, not taking your predicament seriously, even as his eyes land on the tether around your wrist and Geralt’s as he feeds wood into the fire, which licks up the logs and sticks eagerly, hungry for fuel. You scowl, face buried in the cloak to hide your sour mood as much as possible. Geralt didn’t care if you were pisses off or not, he cared when you were afraid not when you were mad, but Jaskier would do everything in his power to pull you out of your bad mood. From telling stories to playing little tavern songs, he would be relentless in making sure you cracked a smile at least once, and you didn’t feel like having to endure the bards attempts to cheer you up right now.

“Is tying them to you really necessary though, Geralt? They look like a kicked pup, can’t you be a bit more lenient?”

Jaskier wheedles, and wow, he might actually be your favorite person right now. You peek up from the fold of the cloak, and he’s got a hand on a hip, shifting his weight with a concerned frown. He looks entirely disapproving of the whole thing, which makes your heart soar. Maybe he would actually be able to get Geralt to listen to him.

“They’re lucky I don’t tie them on Roach all day.” Geralt grumbles, setting up the bed rolls. You could feel every small movement he made, the motion tugging gently on the thin tether.

“Oh you grump. Stop being so rude.” Jaskier huffs, sitting next to you, and you quietly despair how easily he gave in, how quickly he yielded to what Geralt wanted to do. You tuck your face back into the cloak, dejected.

“Hey now, it isn’t all bad. There are worse places to sleep. I can recall a few of them myself.”

Jaskier’s hand lands on your shoulder, and you glare, annoyed. You didn’t want company, or comfort, or any of it. You wanted one thing, and it was something that the both of them were denying you.

Jaskier, because he was Jaskier, seemingly didn’t notice. Which wasn’t the greatest.

“Yeah, sure, I guess. Never slept tied to somebody, though.” You say pointedly, and the annoyed rumble Geralt gives is almost worth it. Sharp gold eyes narrow at you slightly, before Geralt huffs, turning back to his task.

“I have! Well, it was more I had been knocked unconscious, but it still applies, I think! And those ropes were rather coarse, my wrists were aching for days!” Jaskier recalls. “Geralt had to rescue me, it was quite the adventure. I wrote a song about it, at some point, although I never published it. I really should rework that song, actually, come to think of it.”

He rambles, his voice filling the tense silence between you and Geralt, and you feel your shoulders start to relax. He was good at that, chattering to fill the silence that would drag on for hours between the two of you if it wasn’t for him. You sigh quietly, leaning into the warm hand clasped on your shoulders as the fire grows in strength, the bedrolls almost fully prepared.

“Alright. Jaskier, you take first watch, and I’ll take over in an hour or so.” There must not be many monsters around, you think, for Geralt to be so comfortable letting Jaskier take watch. Jaskier nods, slipping away your side as Geralt approaches.

“Not a problem! I was feeling wired tonight anyways, a few more hours though and I should be able to sleep well enough.” Jaskier agrees amicably. “Although I am a bit surprised, you normally insist on first watch.”

“Wanna get (Y/N) down.” Geralt huffs, and Jaskier nods.

“Fair enough, I suppose. They are criminally lacking in the sleep department, they’re beginning to get bags, poor thing.”

You scowl at Jaskier, annoyed.

“I’ve had these since middle school, first of all, not my fault I have insomnia.” You scowl, and jerk when Geralt all but drags you to the bed roll, barely waiting for you to finish talking.

“Hey!” You protests, annoyed, but he’s too busy ‘getting you settled’ as he liked to call it. Fussing over the blankets and the best roll, making sure your body was protected from the harsh winds that even the fire couldn’t stave off.

“Jaskier, stop keeping them up.” Geralt grumbles, sounding more tired than annoyed. He drags you closer, and it must be a Witcher thing to radiate heat like a furnace, because he was chasing off the cold without even trying, the same arm that you were tied to securing you against his chest.

“Pretty sure I can sleep on my own.”

You snark, and Geralt rolls his eyes.

“Not for the next week you aren’t, if that. Now go to bed.”

You scowl, glaring up at him. With the blanket over you, the fire, and the heat radiating off his body, you were tired, sure. But not tired enough not to say something, not when you were being treated like an idiot who couldn’t do anything for themselves.

“You can’t just- Geralt this isn’t right, and you know it. You can’t just- keep me here!”

You protest. Arguing with Geralt was much like arguing with a wall, honestly. Stubborn and just as likely to listen to you as the bricks that made up the walls of your old college.

But walls could come down. You just had to get through to him, make him realize that what was doing wasn’t going to work. You weren’t strong enough or fast enough to escape him, not without some clever plan or tricks up your sleeve, and you were pretty sure that an Olympic level athlete would still have issues trying to outpace him. So your only hope was getting him to listen.

It was a fragile hope, but it was the only hope you had.

“We’re not talking about this right now. Go to sleep.”

Geralt grumbles, and you open your mouth again. The warning rumble in his chest cuts you off, and you swallow.

The sound was exactly that. A warning. Geralt had never hurt you before, not really, but whenever he got mad things were miserable. Jaskier would be irritated with you for ‘putting Geralt in a mood’ as he put it, and you would be without the bard’s chattering to fill the heavy silent between you and Geralt. Not to mention the awkwardness of being forced to ride atop Roach with Geralt, the silence thick with tension between the two of you, or the way you would hope desperately for the day to end so you could go to sleep.

No, it was better to keep the Witcher happy. For all parties.

“Alright. Good night.” You finally mutter, and he sighs, the tension leaving his body. You feel his torso loosen, relaxing behind you, and you feel your hand shaking, just slightly. Or a little more than slightly. Your stomach twists, and Geralt sighs.

“I know you don’t understand. But you’ll realize this is what’s best for you.” He says it like it’s supposed to be an assurance, smoothing a hand over your hair like you’re a particularly fussy child, and you consider, for a second, twisting and biting that hand. Driving your teeth deep enough to draw blood and make him listen to you, for once.

You don’t, mainly because you know he would just move it fast enough your teeth would just snap at empty air.

You close your eyes. With the almost stifling heat behind you, and the too-heavy weight of the cord on your wrist that logically shouldn’t feel as heavy as it did, sleep does not come easy. Eventually, though, you feel your consciousness slip away into oblivion.

[wonton4rang]

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pairing: bnd x reader.

warnings: none?

summary: bnd as charlie puth songs. broken heart/ broke up ver.

note: i might do a "in love" and "sex" (just the legal line ofc) version for this because i really vibe w charlie's songs and they really fit bnd's vibe for me !! pd. I just changed my phone and idk how to use it properly yet (literally changed it today) so im apologizing in advance if this looks odd 😔

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sungho; i don't think that i like her

i can physically hear his voice through the whole song, it's not a want is a need that i have to get a full cover by him. i just feel like the whole "i loved you and gave you all of me just to be let down, used and discarded because i'm not 'your type', but i still try cause i wanna love someone" vibe fits him way too much. he's so soft and loving, i feel like his heart might be broken often because he wants something serious and girlies just wanna fuck him :'(

riwoo; hero / dangerously

i feel like he would be so into you, looking for your true self, which you apparently only were when you were alone with him. the whole "don't pressure yourself so much, i'm here for you" and getting a "i don't need a hero, i don't want to be saved" situation fits him so much. you can tell he is kinda mad at you because of that but he forgets when you kiss him to sleep that same night. also, dangerously could fit him because i feel like he would give himself up to just focus on you instead and then end up broken because of it.

jaehyun; that's not how this works

regrettably i see jaehyun as a huge simp, this means that even though you guys are not dating or together anymore, he would let you come back over and over, enjoying your company but feeling so empty the next day when you say "i hate you so much, i gotta go", and what's funny is that you would hit him up and he'll be like "you know that's not how this works, y/n, please make up your mind" just to let you come over again.

taesan; smells like me / loser

okay hear me out i feel like taesan would be so cocky about a break up, hoping you never forget him because you broke his heart, but i also feel like he would be so sad about losing you and would put the blame on himself for letting you go. so "i hope your jacket smells like me" and "how'd i let her go?" would be the lines i find very likely to come out of his mouth or just him thinking like that.

leehan; that's hilarious

he would be so offended if you ever left him for someone else or cheated on him or just did some shit and then tried to comeback omg. he would literally go "are you being fr??" because there was no way you were trying to get things fixed after fucking him up like that. he would laugh at your face and call you a 'joke', asking you if your brain is working properly because ain't no way you think he would still want you after the things you put him through.

woonhak; cheating on you

he is definitely the type to fall in love once and for all to me. maybe is because he's young but he has this picky vibe that makes me feel like he would have a crush on someone specific, date you because he would never give you up, and honestly? it’s woonhak, who would say no? and when you two broke up he felt so empty and alone that his mind couldn't process it. he would obviously try to fill the blank only to notice that when he is with some other girl, he feels like he's cheating on you because for him it was always you, and only you.

[mtr1234]

KOLTC fans who do not like Fitz, this post is for you. Fitz fans who do not believe people have sound arguments about why they dislike Fitz, this post is also for you.

Disclaimer:

I will mention stuff that happened in Stellarlune, so if you are not caught up with the series you might not want to continue reading.

I will try to provide quotes, but I will likely just describe the scene and what book it is in when I provide my reasons.

Also, this post will be pretty long which may or may not be a good thing depending on who you are.

______________________________________________________________

Anyway, let’s get to the reasons why I dislike Fitz. I have broken them up into three main categories, and I will be talking about aspects of Fitz’s character that I think a lot of people overlook (not the reasons that people do tend to mention: him having anger issues and being boring)

I don’t know if you guys have noticed this, but Fitz is really shady, Iike really shady (and not in a good way like our favorite shade Tam)

He has eavesdropped on Sophie and Keefe’s conversations before which I find so weird

In Lodestar, when Sophie and Keefe were communicating telepathically in that slimy location that Keefe picked out, Fitz started listening in on their conversation without their knowledge. He said it was because he was worried since he heard Sophie gasp. Personally, I do not buy this excuse. He can literally see Sophie so he could easily determine that she is not in danger. At the very least, why did he not immediately announce that he was listening once he knew Sophie was okay? In my opinion, it just feels odd, and if I were Sophie or Keefe I would feel a bit uneasy.

In Flashback, Sophie and Keefe were talking in the healing center about starting weapons training, and Sophie asks Keefe if he is down to do that (or something along those lines). Fitz immediately shouts, “I’m in!” The shady thing about this was that he was sleeping in his cot when they were talking. Now, I’m not saying that he is expected to cover his ears while they have a private convo in the healing center. But the thing is, he pretended to be asleep to listen to more of their conversation which is creepy.

The next very shady thing was the gift he gave Sophie in Legacy which was a painting he asked Keefe to make.

I always thought this was shady because, for one thing, he completely stole Keefe’s idea for a gift. Come on, a painting with a heartfelt message on the back?! That was literally what Keefe gave Sophie in Nightfall. Here comes the actual shady part though: why did he not just go to Atlantis or somewhere and have someone paint it for him? He purposefully asked Keefe to paint the confession scene between him and Sophie when he knows that Keefe likes Sophie. That is so messed up. This is made even worse by the fact that he paid Keefe when literally every elf is born with an unlimited birth fund so it was essentially worthless.

This next example happened in Legacy. I feel like a lot of people forgot about this or kind of swept in under the rug, but I think it is actually very telling of the type of person Fitz is. I am talking about when Fitz decided to search Lord Cassius’s mind to learn anything about where Alvar might be after he got away in Flashback.

There are several shady things about what happened in this scene. First of all, Fitz decided to do this even though he knew that it would make Keefe uncomfortable (Fitz would see the abuse/trauma Keefe suffered at home). Secondly, Fitz did this without even asking Keefe first or even letting him know about it. If you recall, he literally just showed up at Keefe’s house without any warning. Lastly, he tried to lie about it too. He tried to say “I’m doing this for Keefe” and “whatever I find will be helpful for Keefe”. Give me a break, we all know he did not do this out of concern for Keefe and he was caught lying in the act by Keefe himself. *I find it funny how he tried to lie about it to Keefe, when Keefe is literally the strongest empath in their world and is literally so smart even though he does not get enough credit for it.

2. When he gets mad at Sophie, the first thing he does is belittle her or try to make her feel stupid:

This first example comes from Exile when Fitz was getting mad at Sophie about what happened to his dad. Now, a lot of people like to dismiss how Fitz acted in this situation because he was under a lot of stress, but I do not think this is right to do because it absolves Fitz of any guilt instead of addressing how his behavior was wrong. The specific scene I am referring to is when, I believe, Alvar suggests that maybe Sophie can help Alden and then Fitz responds with: “Please, she’s just a kid.” What I get from this statement is that he is making Sophie feel less than, and in the process he is putting himself above her “level”. Now, one can use the excuse that he wasn’t himself and that he was torn up with grief, but he says similar things to Sophie later on in the series (when his dad is not on his deathbed) which I mention below.

This next example happens towards the end of Legacy, just before Fitz and Sophie broke up. Sophie was defending her decision to search Lord Cassius’s mind for any important information even though Fitz was already doing that (she honestly didn’t even need to do this because everyone knew he was getting nowhere and that he would never have found anything useful). Anyway, Fitz responds with: “So you thought the Moonlark needed to swoop in and take over? The leader of Team Valiant? Lady Sophie Foster? The fact that he is trying to make her feel bad about her accomplishments is a major red flag in my opinion. As someone who supposedly cares about her more than anyone, he should feel the most proud of her successes.

This third example is from Stellarlune. It’s when Fitz and Sophie have their first telepathy session after the whole “Fitzphie’s not a thing!” debacle. So, Sophie is asking Tiergan what a Cognate Inquisition is and then here comes the interjection: “Better question,” Fitz jumped in using a smug tone that made [Sophie] wish one of the buttons on her telepathy chair would turn Fitz’s into an ejector seat and launch him out of the room. “Why were you hoping to spare us from it?” I just think this is unnecessary and uncalled for; why is he trying to embarrass/ one up her in front of their mentor? (Did he forget that he is the one who joined her session, not the other way around?)

3. The last major issue I have with Fitz is the fact that he guilt trips Sophie and Keefe a lot. And, just so everybody is aware, not about minor stuff. He tries to make them feel guilty about things that are completely out of their control, and as you are reading these examples I just want you to keep in mind that elves are not equipped to handle guilt. Their mind can literally shatter if they feel too much of it (like Alden), and that’s why I think it is so horrific every time Fitz does stuff like this:

Everybody knows this one, but I am still going to put it here because it is worth mentioning. In Exile, Fitz blamed Sophie for his dad’s mind shattering. I have seen a lot of people try to say it is justified because he was going through a lot at the time, but I disagree. I think we can all agree that just because someone is going through a tough time (no matter how tough it may be), it does not give them the right to bully an innocent person.

Moving on, in Flashback, towards the end of the book Fitz makes everyone search for Alvar because he thinks he is up to something shady. When they find Alvar and question him, Keefe says that he can tell that Alvar is telling the truth. Then Fitz retorts, “Like you could tell with your mom?” In this remark, he is referring to the fact that, before she revealed her betrayal, Keefe had no idea that his mom was evil. This made me so angry on Keefe’s behalf because everyone already knows that he blames himself for everything that his mom is doing. With every revelation about his mom’s plan he sees how much worse things truly are, and that sends him into a downward spiral of guilt. For his “best friend” to say this to him is so messed up.

This is not another example, just my own thoughts about what I said above so you can skip it if you would like. I never understood why people (namely the Councillors) expected Keefe to know that his mom was evil. For one thing, his parents are literally known for never showing any physical or emotional affection to him. So, how is he supposed to be able to read his mom’s emotions if he never is close to her? Secondly, I think people are forgetting that as an empath he can only read people’s emotions. He does not know the reason why they are feeling the way that they do unless he has context. Lastly, his mom was literally erasing his memories left and right so whatever information he could even manage to glean would be wiped from his mind. Meanwhile, Fitz is literally a telepath, and he had no idea his brother was evil (and I assume he must have read his brother’s mind at least one time) so I think he needs to lay off the judgment.

In Legacy, Gisela leaves a note for Sophie to bring Keefe to Loamnore during the “showdown” (or whatever you want to call it). Anyway, Sophie does not want to do this because it is obviously a trap, and Keefe gives in and agrees to stay behind. When he makes this decision, Fitz says, “Wow, you really hate Tam that much? Because he’s the one who’ll pay the price if you’re not there—you get that right?” Is it just me or does that not sound so condescending? All I can say to this is how does he have the nerve to blame Gisela’s actions on Keefe, especially when Keefe is one of the people working the hardest to stop her? Also, it is crazy that Fitz is guilt tripping Keefe for deciding not to be bait and leaving his life in the hands of his (crazy) mom. I’m sure it’s easy for Fitz to say that because he is not the one who is being targeted by an evil mastermind who wants to experiment on him.

This last example happened in Stellarlune, so it is is quite literally very recent. Fitz and Sophie are in the school cafeteria, and they are disagreeing about next steps to take to stop the Neverseen. In that conversation Fitz says, “But sometimes it feels like you don’t realize that it’s only a matter of time before something you do gets someone else killed?” In my opinion this is a completely unfair statement to make against Sophie. First of all, since the beginning of the series she never wanted her friends involved in the fight against the Neverseen because she wanted to keep them safe. However, her friends (including Fitz) would not take no for an answer and insisted on helping. Secondly, Sophie is always going above and beyond (risking her life) to save that of others. Both times when she almost died fixing her abilities, she endured it all for the sake of becoming stronger and protecting her friends, family, and her world. That is why I think the way Fitz is trying to make her feel guilty, and put the entire weight of people’s lives on her shoulders, is so unjustified. She is literally a young girl trying to do her best to save her world from crazy powerful villains, cut her some slack.

If you made it to the end, thanks for reading. Honestly, there are many more examples that could be brought up that I’m sure a lot of you are thinking about, but I am too lazy to write all of that. I just wanted to share my thoughts because I have been seeing some people say that Fitz has had good character development throughout the series (which I just have not seen) and does not deserve all the hate so I just wanted to share why I believe Fitz is viewed the way he is by a majority of the Keeper fandom.

[hasturstoad]

a summary of things I associate with Bump, canonical and hcs

warning: possible triggering topics

so? I've actually done that! can't say I'm entirely glad with the colors, and I didn't manage to put all the stuff on the art, but yeah here it is.

the explanation of the choice of the stuff:

sable marten (on the left) represents Bump himself. a little (yet dangerous in its own ways) carnivorous mustelid mf with cool dark fur, which is considered as one of the most valuable and beautiful furs? hell yeah. it was a little bit hard to do the coloring, because the darkest shade of real sable martens' fur is actually dark brown. I tried to mix the natural appearance of the animal with Bump's hair color and make it as realistic as possible, so here we go.

biblically accurate Frewin doesn't exist, he can't hurt you. okay, maybe I should not try to make that adorable little imp to look semi-realistic. but yeah, Frewin.

wormwood. according to some sources, this plant symbolizes bitterness filling the world during dark and troubled times. as I know, Bump's childhood was in the same time with the start of Belos's regime and things happening before it; could a person who witnessed all the bitterness themselves and was affected by it bring that bitterness through all their lifetime?

also, I personally hc that Bump smells like wormwood. also ink, paper and a little bit wood due to Frewin.

green & purple as the background. light green is the color of Hieronymus's spell circles. dark greyish purple? genuinely dunno, just associated it with him in some ways.

shattered razor blade. as I've already said, he was born in troubled times. he needed to be protected... and he weren't. his nails were always naturally hard and a little bit too sharp, so maybe an extra little bit of sharpness would be good, Hiero thought? so, tiny and extremely sharp pieces of a blade. his first weapon. he needed that.

the bandage roll. he's pretty much familiar with bandages, he used stuff like that multiple times. he still keeps extra bandages and bandaids somewhere, in case someone else would need that.

the dagger. the same dagger he brought to dissect Luz in that episode, the same dagger he literally keeps somewhere on the shelf in his office. the first thing he appeared with.

magpie feathers. also, that birb is one of my associations with Bump. it's the bird who spreads the word; and I think he has the way with words. also the birb has cool jet black head and even cooler long blueish tail. it makes a bit disturbing yet funny noises. I believe in magpie Bump supremacy.

that blue principal uniform thingie? well, I think it doesn't need explanation.

the stress toy. I think the reason the same stress toy that was exploded by Eda magically appeared in one of the following scenes was that the vice principal just had a few of those octopus stress toys. maybe it was his personal favorite one. feeling like he had/has A LOT of fidget toys of all kinds, and still uses his stress toys. sometimes Frewin steals them.

that badge he wore during Them's the Breaks, Kid.

the tiny maroon thing? I dunno what it is but I like it. Bump keeps it in the office for some reason:

dear, I have no idea what the hell are you, but you look cool

the Hooty patch. it was probably given to him by Lilith; her and Bump have pretty good relationship (Lilith was his student, he's, like, very proud of her. also they greet each other during the Watching and Dreaming finale), and I think he had enough bad experience with Eda and her pranks to not take any stuff she gives to him.

the blue worm on a string, Frewin's favorite toy. Bump doesn't remember when and where he has gotten it, but they both like it.

the notebook. Hieronymus has been using such notebooks for a lot of time, I guess it started when he was the vice principal. he just writes The Stuff there, sometimes notes, sometimes venting of some sort, sometimes even a kind of a diary. at first the notebooks' sheets were mostly empty: Bump was afraid of Faust finding them. he keeps a whole stack of those notebooks somewhere to read them someday; that 'day' has never happened. once he'll do it: tomorrow, tomorrow again, the next week... well, for now the notebooks are waiting their time.

the Abomination goo. I don't think he was in the Coven willingly and really had the choice of what Coven to be in, due to the fact that he has used the Coven magic like two times on screen (the first time the goo was the closest thing in his reach, the second when he needed to carry a heavy thing). but yeah, here it is.

he got his sigil when he was a teen, everyone was sigiled randomly no matter of the age back then; that was a messy time of reforms, after all. Hiero was basically forced to be a member of a random Coven. when he was in his early 20s, studying for being a teacher (the subject was not related to any Coven), he tried to change his coven to the Oracle, because he thought he'd be better in the OC than in the Coven he didn't choose to be in. well, he didn't succeed. Bump has learned to find other ways of using magic, and he rarely used his Coven one. when sigil removing became accessible, Bump was one of the first ones to remove the sigil. it was risky; Hieronymus was glad though.

the papers. doesn't need explanation as well, I guess.

the glove, the single one that he was wearing during the Watching and Dreaming finale. I really like the idea of Bump wearing the single gardening glove on his right hand, so the left wrist - now without a sigil - stays uncovered. show that you're free now. tell your past oppressors to suck a d-ck. yeahhh.

also the glove is like the last thing he has been seen with throughout the show. starting with a dagger, ending with a gardening glove.

to say in conclusion: I've tried to make this piece as much non-headcanonical as I could and I've fallen miserably. so instead of it you have the whole stash of my hcs. haha hehe

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Emily and Wendell Have No Chill...On Opposite Ends of the Chill Spectrum

Ok, the more you put faerie and academia up next to each other, the more I see similarities between the two that both the academics and the fae would probably be extremely pissy about, from the strict hierarchical structures to the arbitrary rules and the extreme danger of falling in love with them. And yet I'm also EXTREMELY here for it. So let's talk Emily Wilde's Map of the Otherlands.

THERE ARE SPOILERS BELOW THE BREAK. BE WARNED.

Emily and Wendell are on the same page about when it is appropriate to go absolutely feral, but they would NOT agree with that. Emily can shake off the otherlands, random faerie assassins, and absolutely godawful living conditions during fieldwork but cannot handle other humans. Wendell can shake off *actively dying from faerie poison* and entirely too credible accusations of academic misconduct, but literally cannot handle a lack of coffee.

So naturally Wendell is panicking every time Emily gets too near the otherlands without him and Emily is absolutely losing it every time Wendell ignores common sense and uses his magic which exacerbates the effects of the poison. Literally these two are falling over each other to try to protect each other. It's wonderful--I wouldn't change a thing.

I also want to just double down on academics being JUST as terrifying as fae, because in the first book Emily didn't HESITATE before chopping a finger off to break an enchantment and in this one she didn't think twice before dropping the same poison that is killing Wendell into his stepmother's cup. This woman is absolutely terrifying in her determination and her ability to do the thing she has decided is absolutely necessary. Like, Emily Wilde is a terrifying force of nature and a damn fine scholar and the level of personal and professional jealousy I feel over this fictional character knows no bounds.

So beyond Emily and Wendell being just AGGRESSIVELY in love with each other in the most academic way possible, this book is fun because we get some resolution to the mystery of Danielle De Gray's disappearance, which was heavily referenced in the footnotes of the last book, and is one of the great dryadologist mysteries. I absolutely adore the fact that Emily is so determined to find out what actually happened to this academic in whom she sees herself. It makes her success so much greater and it makes the "don't meet your heroes" disappointment so much funnier when the real Dani catastrophically crashes into the De Gray that Emily had constructed in her head. It's funny and heartbreaking and honestly the fact that Dani then sort of...adopts Emily as a researcher in her own vein is awesome. Academic respect and mentorship is...a weirdass combination of doing it yourself with imagined mentor figures and deeply flawed people who just wanted to learn everything about something niche and specific and are really cranky about being saddled with students.

Which brings me nicely to Farris Rose. Rose is...a stodgy old white man academic in every sense, and he starts by threatening to have both Emily and Wendell fired for academic misconduct and fabricating research. He ends up with one ear on backwards and offering to mentor Emily in her academic career. He is also like...the absolute chaotic evil scholar, because he is VERY cool about ethical lapses if they get him on the expedition of the century. And he is also VERY comfortable lecturing Emily on her personal life. Even after she is pretty clear that his commentary is not terribly welcome.

The number of academic friendships that begin in open conflict is astounding, and honestly the "bitter enemy on the basis of their scholarship to grudging allies to actual friends" pipeline is VERY fun to watch. It's a special hell to live, but watching it is delightful.

Emily also grudgingly gets a student in this book! And after all the crap she gave Wendell about how he treats his grad students in the last book, she could possibly have been less brusque and less ornery with her dang niece!!! Ariadne is literally a ray of sunshine though, and she and Wendell get along like a house on fire to the point where he makes her a scarf for protection in the field. She and Emily uh...have a bit of a journey in terms of getting on, because Emily prefers to be on her own, and she like...intellectually loves her niece, but it takes some time for her to respect Ariadne as a baby researcher who is enthusiastic and learning. Their journey to understanding each other is really sweet, and I enjoyed it. I also love that Uncle Wendell was Uncle Wendell for Ariadne long before Aunt Emily actually accepted his proposal. That was just adorable.

I also really appreciate the cliffhanger that this book left us on. Emily and Wendell are going back to the Silva Lupi, but they literally do not know what they'll find. The assumption is that Wendell's stepmother is dead, but like...we don't KNOW that, and I wouldn't be surprised if she found some crafty and utterly hellscape-y way to avoid a terrible death by faerie poison. Especially since Wendell himself has hammered home the "there are no absolutes in faerie stories" message. So I might actually die waiting for book 3, but when it comes out, I will 1000% be there to read it.

[calif0rniahighwb1ll]

“You’re all mine now”

a/n: literally so thrilled to finally share this with you guys! Hope yall enjoy my fantasy’s of vampire bill 🤗🤗 (no smut included as for now but let me know if I should turn this into a smut-included version!)

trigger warnings: blood kink, blood sucking, threatening, kissing, fem!reader, vamp!bill (2013)

summary: reader has nightmares and bill is breaking into her room and watching her/scaring her as she wakes up. She don’t know, that the mesmerizing, unknown person will be the last thing she will ever see …

You startle up, your breathing fast and your heartbeat pumping at a tremendous pace as you try to take proper breaths and recover from the dream.

You breathe in deeply and close your eyes as you tried to calm down. „It's just a dream, stay calm." you say quietly to yourself. And then something happened, that catapulted your heartbeat to a huge height and made the goosebumps rise on your body.

A cold hand lay on your heated shoulder. You wanted to scream when you felt the unknown hand on your body, but another hand lay on your mouth, so that you could no longer make a sound and now look shocked and anxiously into the darkness of your room with widened eyes.

A hot breath was in your neck, which caused you to close your eyes in panic and not tip over with fear. A also, very pleasant, but still strong smell of perfume, vanilla and cigarettes stabbed your nose, which made the whole situation even crazier.

"Don't be afraid, princess. I won't do anything to you," said a smooth voice, that brushed your ear and had the hair set up in your neck. You enclose the man's unknown hand and try to get it off of your mouth. To your surprise, he actually read loosely.

You tear yourself away from him and turn on your night light next to you, as quickly as possible to look at the stranger in your room.

The golden light, in which your once dark room was now dipped, transformed his pale face into sparkling porcelain, which you have never seen before. His dark eyes literally pierced you and you could only stare at him without a word.

Even if you had never seen him in your room or elsewhere before, you still felt attracted to him in a strange way. You looked at him a bit more while the silence between you was getting bigger and bigger.

He wore a lot of gold jewelry, which caught your attention and he also had two golden piercings in his full lips. His eyes were dark and mastered every inch of your face. His slightly longer, blond hair magically encloses his face, leaving you even more speechless. He smiled now, tilted his head as he looked at you more closely.

"Interesting, you're the first one who doesn't run away screaming," he says quietly, which brought your goosebumps back to your body now. You didn't know what to say about it. Why should the others run away from him screaming? Well, you would do it, but you knew you wouldn't get far. In addition, it was in the middle of the night, where should you go? He giggles when you still don't make a sound of yourself, not even breathing.

He came dangerously closer, whereupon you immediately dodged to the side and your back now touched your bed frame. Your heart quickly pounded in your chest when you watched in horror as he now sat a few meters in front of you.

A grin crept onto his lips. "Don't be scared, dear," he said quietly, on which you sniff in disbelief. "I'm not supposed to be afraid, huh? I don't know you and you fucking broke into my room!" You are now spating angrily. He laughed and you slowly felt attacked by him.

"That's not funny at all!" You hiss into his face and now get out of your bed. You looked at him and point your finger at the window. You didn't care if he died if you would push him out of the window right away. He now also got up and stood in front of you, which is why you look up at his face a little intimidated, because he was so damn tall in contrast to you.

“Get out of my room.” You spoke with the last confidence you had left in your body, but he didn’t get out of your room. You closed your eyes in frustration.

Your eyes opened again and stared directly into the dark, mysterious eyes of the still unknown man, who was now looking at you. „I don’t even know your name!“ You say angry, whereupon he smiled. „My name is Bill,“ he said.

„Why me? Can’t you just leave me alone?“ You whisper and feel the fear rise again. He looked at your face very closely. „Oh, baby, sad how you don’t recognize that we belong together. I can’t hold back any longer, you know?“ He said, which made you frown in confusion.

You’re sniffing hard. „What does that mean?“ Bill now gave you a toothy grin, which made your knees a little weak. Of course, you would never admit that. This situation was just too crazy.

„It means, that you just smell too delicious, darling. I held back for too long. You’ll love it, don’t be afraid.“ were his frightening words that widened your eyes. „W-what? Bill! I don’t know under which damn-„ he stopped you by now pressing his lips completely unexpectedly on yours.

You were like frozen in place, didn’t even know how to function properly when you felt his lips on yours and the cool metal of his piercings completely confused you. You wanted to move away, but he now held your face in both hands, only deepened the kiss even more and sucked every oxygen and taste out of you.

He broke the kiss briefly to whisper gently against your lips: „Your lips are so delicious, damn you drive me crazy!“ After that, he just pressed his lips more against your mouth. You didn’t know anything anymore. On the one hand, you wanted to free yourself from his lips as quickly as possible, but a bubbling passion and devotion to the extremely gorgeous man, let you be completely confused and with desire for more, you push even more to him.

You feel him grinning as he slowly moved away from you and you immediately feel an empty space on your lips, craving more. Adrenaline-charged, you looked at him. Your mouth now opened in shock when you saw that something had changed on his flawless face.

Like in a horror movie or scenes that were only known from stories and fairy tales, his eyes had changed unusually. They were dark red, looking dangerously down on you. His grin became wider and your breathing faster again as you panicked.

„That’s not real.“ you whisper like in a trance and close your eyes to escape his gaze. You could hear him gigggle badly. „Open your eyes, darling. Unfortunately, you can’t escape the truth,“ he sighed and you open your eyes again.

His creepy eye color has not changed, but he now grinned again. You saw his white, perfect teeth and notice another change that slowly reminded you, that this is bitter reality and not a wacky nightmare.

Your eyes widened even more as insight slowly came up in you. „y- you...“ you stutter trembling and saw his eyes darken, to an even scarier tone of red. „What do you have, huh? I won’t hurt you, y/n, don’t worry,“ he said, but you don’t believe him a word. You were damn sure that he will now take your life.

„Close your eyes, pretty girl,“ he whispered and you wanted to scream. You looked at him, shaking your head. „No.“ you also whisper, whereupon the corners of his mouth rose amused. „No?“ He repeats your statement and snaps his tongue.

„Then just leave your eyes open,“ he said now and before you could say anything or defend yourself, his mouth moved too your neck and his sharp fangs found your bare neck when they bit in enormously and forced you to your knees screaming. Bill sucked out your pretty skin obsessed and intoxicated, felt his mouth with your delicious blood and completely fogged his senses with it.

He sucked and sucked until every drop of your hot blood was in him and made you see more and more stars. You saw black dots in front of your eyes dancing and noticed, how you lose consciousness more and more. But Bill didn’t stop. He couldn’t get enough.

He grabbed your neck more, sucked on you as if you were the last victim he drank that night and he moaned with pleasure at your neck, when he only tasted your taste and drowned into the hot Liquid that filled your body and kept you alive.

When he had sucked everything out, you were only a shell of yourself, when he finally took off you and gently laid you on the floor. He grinned at you, looked at your pale face and your blood-stained neck, kissed one last time your seductive lips and whispered gently:

„You’re all mine now.“ …

[spaceagebachelormann]

can i request keefe sencen boyfriends headcanons pls!!

dating keefe sencen

♬ warnings: neverseen, everblaze, stellarlune, legacy spoilers, angst if that’s a warning

♬ ziggys notes: ziggy actually writes for once??? unheard of!!

♬ nav. — m.list

he’s so dumb (/aff)

so i imagine he’s very nice to you and compliments you non-stop all day cause he’s a sweetheart

he’s also an asshole sometimes but not in a bad way

like he’ll occasionally make some mean ass joke but you know he doesn’t mean it <3

but also he’s the only one allowed to make mean jokes and if someone else does it then wtf

also bro is clingy 💀

will always have an arm around you somewhere or holding your hand unless he absolutely has to let go

will walk (sprint) to your class just so he can walk you to your next one

or lunch or wherever tf your going

i like to imagine hes actually very smart but just acts like a dumbass cause a) he likes too b) piss off his parents c) everyone finds it funny

so if your struggling with schoolwork or some shit he’ll help you <3

part of the keefe boyfriend experience is him randomly showing up on your doorstep/climbing through your window

like you’ll just be sitting there in your room doing whatever and that motherfucker climbs through the window like “heyyy”

chances are he falls while getting out of the window

and if you ask him why he’s like “to see you ofc!!”

i mean it is because he wants to see you but also because he doesn’t wanna be around his parents/dad anymore

and he stays with you for like a week 😭

your parents either love him or despise him

he’d put up the perfect boyfriend act in front of them but as soon as y’all are alone he goes back to normal

if they hate him it’s because they see through the act

would probably drag you into sophie’s bs either accidentally or on purpose

he’ll bring you along for emotional support when they’re just like. idk discussing stuff?? but when it’s actually getting dangerous he makes you stay

(he says “pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease” over and over until you stay)

also ur bound to be HEARTBROKEN several times in this relationship

when gisela does her shit in everblaze is the first time

you have to comfort him </3 if u don’t ur kinda a bad s/o

even if you don’t know what to say he’s just happy if you listen and try your best to understand

he never actually like gets over it but he ends up repressing it and just acting normal but he will definitely break down in front of you a lot at night

the second time your heartbroken is when he joins the neverseen

even if you went with them or not you obviously find out one way or another

sophie probably tells you and she feels absolutely terrible about it :(

when he comes back it’s like. so fucking cliché

those scenes in romance movies where they see eachother and the music gets all romantic and the screen has sparkles and shit cliché 😭

he’s so happy to see you again but ur staring at him like 😐

he remembers he literally joined the neverseen so he starts apologizing and promising to make it up to you

which he does!! he’s so sweet <3 he randomly comes and picks you up and takes you shopping and gets you whatever you want

if you feel bad about it he gives you this whole rehearsed paragraph about how you deserve to have him do this for you because he was an asshole (he wasn’t really an asshole but shhh)

and when he has to do his legacy shit in legacy (that felt awkward to type) and goes into his coma ohhhh myyy godddd the angst

like sitting beside him everyday with sophie and trying to get him to wake up

and when he does your like right beside him and omg the reunion would be so cute <3

but once he realizes what his voice can do he refuses to speak even if u literally beg him

oh and yelling at fitz for yk

anyways

when he runs away he feels so fucking terrible

he gives you a letter </3 it’s basically him reassuring you he’ll be okay and he loves you and you somewhat believe him because he’s smart but also cause he’s reckless and the little side note you may never see him again

sophie watching him literally emotionally destroy you for the 3rd time like :(

she takes you with her and dex to find him and reunion part 3

but this time your kinda rlly pissed and he apologizes again and probably. idk gives you some shit he found on the ground

okay no more angst

so i’d like to imagine he watched a FUCK ton of movies in the forbidden cities so he shows you all his favourites

uhh wait i’m gonna name what i think his favourites are <3

corpse bride, the breakfast club, back to the future, LABYRINTH!!, mamma mia, mean girls

his favourites of his favourites are mean girls, mamma mia and labyrinth

oh fuck i haven’t talked abt like the main shit (kisses and petnames ig idk) yet

i feel like hed mainly call you by your name or some ridiculous nickname he’s made for you

probably just pretty girl/boy or babe cause he’s a basic bitch and i cant think of anything else that’s gn

bro would grab ur face just like. mwah mwah mwah everywhere cause he loves u sm

also he’d kiss ur hands a lot

esp if hes handing you something or vice-versa

like he’ll just keep hold of ur hand for a moment and then kiss the top of it <33 ahaksnsjsnaj

and he will melt if you do it to him

DATES ARE THE MOST CHAOTIC SHIT EVER

like museums, parks, restaurants but you probably get kicked out for being loud (y’all were just laughing)

also he’d have a thing for your hair

like he’d braid it or play with it a lot cause it calms him down

or if you don’t like it he just plays with ur fingers instead

as much as he loves you he would not let you touch his hair

unless he hasn’t styled it yet then go crazy ig

uhm im out of ideas but if i get another i’ll update this 🫶

watch this get like 7 notes 💔💔

[k7l4d4]

K Reviews and Rants: Murder Drones! Episode 1

Hello all. Today, I embark on a new adventure! I could, technically, be continuing Miraculous Ladybug... but I decided I'd rather do something that doesn't risk me getting an aneurysm at thinking how much it's gone down hill. So, instead, I'm going to review stuff you can find for free online before moving on to other stuff.

Now, Murder Drones, at a first glance, is a fairly tongue in cheek dark parody of various horror genres, centered around the titular drones. But, many secrets lie in waiting... well, this should be fun!

Onto the review. As always, warnings for any profanity on my part.

Okay, not even two minutes in, and this is pretty interesting.

The basic concept "humans end up wiping themselves out on a planet they colonized and the robots left behind form their own civilization, but humans get mad about it so they decide to send other robots to deal with it" is solid. The opening scene is also very tongue in cheek, given that it's literally listed as a file labeled "Exposition." Near the end of the two minute mark, it transitions to a punk-looking robot with a female sounding voice giving a... less then well made presentation.

Said female robot, Uzi going by the closed captions, is complaining about how passive the Workers are being regarding their enemies. Which, given that they are reliant on three big doors, is a valid concern; no matter how durable they are, eventually the Murder Drones are gonna get past them... either by figuring out how to break them, or by breaking the areas AROUND them.

Also, I really, REALLY hope that Uzi didn't use actual blueprints in that presentation, because it's never good when stuff like that is easily accessible in such dangerous circumstances.

Apparently Uzi's answer to the eventual conflict is to make a railgun... and brought it to class. Working or not working, that's insanely dangerous... and it's hilarious how the principle is just looking on like "okay." It's hysterical to me how nonchalant he is about it. But Uzi cackling maniacally while powering up the railgun... yeah, bad sign. She's not alright in the head.

... I'm dying of laughter. The project was a word problem... about buying watermelons. Not even getting into how dumb of a project that is for homework, what's even stupider is how is it even POSSIBLE Uzi misinterpreted it THAT BADLY!? Like, this is the kind of scene that always has me hoping "I hope this sets the tone going forward." It's just hysterical.

One exploding railgun, a dented door, and now we are in the nurse's office. Why would robots even have that? Plus, more tongue in cheek jokes plastered across the wall. I gotta give props on the background details, even if they are just one-off jokes, taking the time to put them in is really cool.

Wow, some bitchy robot cheerleaders made a "joke" about how Uzi was still alive. That's totally fine and not at all disgusting. Ugh...

Really confused on why Uzi has an icepack on her face... is it to cool down her circuits or something?

Oh, new robot dude just walked in. I can't tell if his comments on some guy named Chad's "classic toxic masculinity never ending up being problematic" is just being tongue in cheek or robots being weird about making connections or something. Either way, it's funny from the perspective of making fun of old high school movies and tv show cliches.

O-kay, looks like Uzi's more unpopular than I thought... and really hammering home the "self aware up to a point" idea here, given the "angsty teen" comments. Oh, and apparently her dad's a big deal for making the doors, so Uzi's family name is... Doorman. I wish I was making that up.

Uzi asks why Thad's in the nurse's office, making a joke about testosterone... which goes over Thad's head. Kinda curious myself, since he clearly intended to go there but didn't know UZI was there. It's a bit weird that the question's unanswered.

With the reason behind Thad being at the nurse going unanswered, he questions Uzi about the railgun, and Uzi explains that she's gonna sneak out to get the last part she needs... with Thad having a very good point on why she does that, while also making a reference to how it sounds like she's dealing with some emotional repression (I feel your pain, Uzi, I feel your pain).

Like, for real, WHY would she need to go specifically to the Murder Drone's lair to get the last part she needs? Couldn't she go, I dunno, anywhere else? Like, the things are hunting Workers like her, that doesn't mean they have an abundance of parts she'd need to make her railgun. ...Please don't tell me she's secretly suicidal, please...

Ha! The alarm's built into her head.

Uzi dramatically suiting up... before acting like every stereotypical teen ever in trying to swipe her parents' keys before leaving.

Okay, there's a big vent between the doors. While the whole "crawling through vents" thing is a hollywood invention, it's a genuine security risk when your enemies have missiles, are robots, and can fly. Oh, and Uzi immediately got caught by Khan while sneaking out, I guess. That's also something.

Khan just laughs off the idea of Uzi having a boyfriend. Dick move, Khan, Dick move.

Then Uzi manages to convince him she wants to get into doors like him, and he falls for it instantly. It's totally hilarious. Also, it kinda looks like Khan DOES want to bond with Uzi... but he's got a very limited understanding of how to do so. I don't think he's all there either, given he talked to one of his doors like it's a puppy dog.

...Okay, Khan needs therapy over having had to basically mercy kill Uzi's mom. Like, immediately.

Yeesh, getting a proper look at things outside of the compound, this place looks like shit. I've got no clue if it looked nicer after the Workers took over and just went to hell after the Murder Drones attacked, but... yeah, it's bad.

Okay, so... when Uzi said she "planned to go to the Murder Drones' Lair." She didn't just mean "around the corpse spire," she meant "into" it. ...The 'secretly suicidal' idea is looking more and more likely.

Huh, she actually found stuff other then murdered Worker parts. I'm surprised.

...And one of the Murder Drones is apparently back from a hunt and enjoying a "snack." Uzi, you should probably be reconsidering your life choices right now... and it spotted her. Yup, she's dead.

She got her fighting skills from pirated anime? This is believable, as she is a robot and thus can do shit that would break a human body.

And while it might've cost her an acid-injected hand, we finally get to see the Railgun go off!! ...Fuck that is both awesome and terrifying, AND SHE MADE THIS IN A CLOSED OFF OUTPOST!? Uzi is scary, and anyone who thinks she isn't is in denial.

Hurray, she killed one of the monsters and oh fuck they can regenerate their heads!! FUCK!!!

And she slapped it with a dismembered arm.

Huh, this Nazi-dressed robot's blinking headlight looks a bit off. Also, he's a sweetheart. WHO THOUGHT MAKING THE ROBOTIC MURDER MACHINE A SWEETHEART WAS A GOOD IDEA?!? Don't these people know that giving one of the vicious killers a heart of gold is guaranteed to make them turn on you!?

Huh, I guess his regeneration busted one of his sensors. So... Uzi's safe. For now.

Okay, we learned two things; one, they are called Disassembly Drones, and two, this guy's name is Serial Designation N. He is a puppo of adorableness that I wish to protect, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't need the help in that regard.

Please, N, stop talking. You are making it hard to remember you are a brutal murderer designed to kill everyone Uzi knows!

N is surprisingly chill at having lost three hours of time. Okay, so he's not just sweet, he's stupid as well; that does reduce the odds of him attempting a heel-face turn, the dumb ones tend to take the longest to realize they are on the wrong side.

ANd it looks like the acid is neutralized by the Disassembly Drone's saliva... what weirdo thought that was a good design choice!? Also, the way Uzi goes "we are never talking about this" is such a vibe.

N decides to give the scoop on the other two members:

First is V, who is... psychotic. That's literally the only word to describe it, she just comes off as insane and sadistic for the sake of being sadistic. She also might have some memory issues if she hasn't figured out who N is by this point.

Second is J, the leader. She seems, by all accounts, to be an ultra-aggressive, fanatically loyal corporate jackboot. On the other hand, everything about her screams to me "SHIP HER WITH UZI!!" So I shall. It's toxic, but it is a good poison to endure.

Uzi describes the device in the Murder Drone's base as a spaceship, N as a one use missile (since they weren't taught how to land). They are, technically speaking, both right. Ships need fuel, so unless Uzi could scrounge up enough to transport them off the planet, AND scavenge all the components needed to repair it, it'd be better served breaking it down for parts and coming up with a new design entirely.

Also, the fact that Uzi, a violently unstable Drone with a chip on her shoulder about her people being left to slaughter, is thinking about getting off the planet... yeah, that's a warning sign about her intentions right there.

N's reasoning for continuing the slaughter, aside from the very creepy vibes that imply he and the rest are addicted to Worker Oil (VAMPIRE VIBES!!!) and the pragmatic reason that they need to do so to avoid overheating and dying... it fits him as a character, but also kind of highlights that he's not mentally suited for all this stuff, and makes me question who thought including him in this was a good idea. Although given he's lasted this long, he's definitely not harmless.

Uzi then hits the nail on the head; the Disassembly Drones have no guarantee that they won't be scrapped themselves once their mission is done... but given that J probably wouldn't care given how much of a fanatic she comes off as, and V is too insane to probably process the idea, N might be swayed... given time, at least.

Okay, Uzi apparently has enough survival instincts to run for it when she realized that the other two, non-malfunctioning Murder Drones are back. Good on her!

I'm honestly surprised that V didn't just attack Uzi the second she saw her, given her personality. Of course, said personality might be WHY she's not attacking; her mind probably doesn't think in traditional processes regarding priorities. Still, it's weird that she didn't go for the kill given how brutal she is.

Huh, the Disassembly Drones can reboot each other using slaps. That's... an interesting design choice.

And N, now able to actually remember and process the data his sensors were feeding him, instantly goes to get rid of Uzi's railgun, out of concern of what it would do to his squad. WHY IS HE SO WHOLESOME!? Then again, he's chasing Uzi back to the Doors, and Uzi has the master key and is absolutely slower then him... yeah, we're probably gonna be seeing N's dangerous side in a moment or two.

And now the Worker Defense Force are dropping death flags. I gotta say, I genuinely do like the tongue-in-cheek nature of this; like, they are being incredibly obvious they are dropping death flags, but the show is making it so clear that these folks know about tropes, even subconsciously, that it makes this morbidly funny.

Uzi tries to close the door... too late.

Yeah... N prying open those massive doors using nothing but his bare hands (clawed though they may be), is super terrifying, and I am unashamed to admit it. I would be pissing myself if I was there in person.

Yup, still N. Even when he has to remind himself he's planning to kill everyone there, he's just such a sweetheart. WHY!? WHY WOULD YOU GIVE US SUCH A SWEET HEART YOU CRUEL WORLD!?

And this... this is the slaughter I was dreading was coming. Seeing just how brutally N is killing them all, I'm severely disturbed. Like, this is horrific even WITH the Drones, if they were people, animated or not...? Yeah, this would be a gore fest.

Hey, Khan got the pack of cards! ...How long does it take to get a fresh pack of playing cards?

N continues to be a sweetheart even while planning to murder someone he had a nice time with.

...There is no way Khan is going to shoot. The dude is screaming PTSD attacks. Also, I'm surprised N is taking so long in killing Uzi, enough time to do nothing as Khan slowly backs away and closes the doors and raises the alarm. Seriously, what is it about Uzi that is holding the Murder Drones back!?

V claiming to have been trying to get past the doors for months isn't really as vast a length of time as it sounds. V doesn't seem the type to really understand the idea of trying different tactics; odds are she just kept blasting at it in the hopes she'd eventually get through.

Hey look, N is starting to show doubts about their mission! I guess seeing a PTSD-driven coward of a father abandon his daughter to die would do that. Unfortunately, he's trying that on the literal fanatic who has made it clear that even if she's willing to be civil when he does a good job, she will KILL him if he proves himself too much of a liability. We can all guess where this is going.

Honestly, given how fanatic she is for the company, I honestly wouldn't be surprised if J believes her own speech about putting N down being for his own good... and the way she describes their mission being that the Workers are corrupted, as well as how Uzi seems strangely protected from immediate murdering... maybe there's more going on with this?

But yeah, J is being a total dick to N. Bad J. Uzi will make you sleep on the couch for this!

Okay, so Uzi's alive, and is now forced to work with N in order to save her outpost. Honestly, I can get it; even if N's nice, he's been knowingly and willingly complicit in the slaughter of her people... but she's at least willing to work with him. They give me very "Dumbass Big Bro/Smartass Little Sis" vibes.

Hey, it's Thad again! Honestly curious how he's alive, since neither of the Murder Drones on the attack seem the type to let someone survive a hit from them if they aren't in a position to instantly kill them at point blank range. It's odd. Maybe Thad's weird in whatever way Uzi is, but less? Or maybe Uzi's a vector for some kind of virus...?

Wow, N is standing up to himself! THAT'S A MIRACLE!!!

Wow, Uzi making N fight his crush? That's cold. Oooh, maybe it's the battle of future lovers!? /j (Yes, I know there's no chance in hell that Uzi gets with J, but my dream lives on in my heart!!)

Really surprised J just stood there while Uzi chucked a pen at her head hard enough to rupture one of her eye things. Seriously, what is it about Uzi that makes Murder Drones be dumb!?

Huh, even in the middle of a fight, J can't help but be a Corporate shill.

N, having an emotional conflict about having to battle your crush should wait until she's NOT blasting missiles at you.

Hey, N managed to beat V via gross-out tactics! It's less disgusting then normal! Helps that he's a robot, but still, using licking as a distraction to get free to assist an ally is valid.

Okay, so in addition to being a shill, J's also the type to plan her monologue's in advance. I approve! Oh, and she got stabbed by her own nanite tail stinger thing, and in a place she can't use her saliva to neutralize... and she uses business terms in place of cursing. I knew she was a shill, but MAN is she a shill!!!

Uzi claimed she would fire if J said one more buzzword... but given the grin on her face, she was gonna do it anyway... which I think J realized. And now J is nothing but arms and her lower torso... given that the Murder Drones can regenerate, they should probably get those parts in some kind of storage/isolation/prison thing or whatever.

Now, this would be the part where the rebel outcast, having saved their people from danger, is now accepted as a hero... but instead, seeing as Uzi is rightfully pissed off at Khan for leaving her for dead, she decides to leave and banish herself. Also, I think her head might be a bit scrambled if she thought that anyone would banish her; yeah, she lead the Murder Drones to them, but she also saved all their lives and (possibly) took one of the Murder Drones down for good. That's HUGE.

And now Uzi reveals her big plan; kill all humans in revenge, laughing maniacally, while some weird symbol appears in her eye. Huh... looks like that whole "we're here because the Workers are corrupted" bit might not have been full of baloney after all! And more Murder Drones are on their way... that's not good.

I gotta say, this was awesome. Not as funny as I'd hoped, but so far, I think it's balancing the tongue in cheek referential and meta humor with the ongoing actions well enough. Looking forward to more!!