#and i was just driving myself crazy trying to do it
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Heat of the Moment
pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader
summary: Sam's stuck in a time loop, watching not only Dean die but also Y/N's reaction to it. Every. Single. Day. (Mystery Spot Rewrite)
word count: 11227 (this took literally almost 6 hours just to write I thought it could be done for Groundhog Day but holy fuck)
warnings: major character death (lol), cannon typical gore, time loop, not proofread bc I finished this four hours before I have to wake up
main masterlist
//
Day 1
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N smiles around her toothpaste. She spits it out as Dean turns up the music, making her way out of the bathroom to pack up and let the boys in to get ready.
"Got your gun?" Y/N asks when they're about to walk through the door. Dean makes a face and turns right back around, digging through his bag.
"He'd forget his head if you weren't here." Sam says under his breath, but Dean still hears it. He grabs one of Y/N's bras and holds it up, causing her eyes to widen.
"I think Sammy accidentally put his clothes in our bag, sweetheart." He smiles at the two of them, who are both giving him bitch faces for different reasons. "Ha!" He laughs, grabbing his gun and dropping the bra.
"Let's go, douchebag." Y/N rolls her eyes as she lets him go through the door first, smacking his ass and grinning as he flinches.
"I wasn't kidding earlier. I will kill myself." Sam threatens, but when Y/N looks up he has a small smile on his face.
"Go get breakfast, you mammoth-man." She tells him as she locks the door. He smiles, turning to follow his brother. Y/N isn't far behind, jogging to catch up to Dean and grab his hand.
They walk into the diner, sitting in a small booth that they barely fit in but Dean insists (they all know it's so he can sit as close as possible to Y/N).
"Why do you have to make up an excuse? You share a bed with her because she's your goddamn girlfriend. I think you can handle sitting two feet away at the breakfast bar." Sam argues.
"You're on the other side anyway, Sam. You don't have to complain." She tells him as she looks up at the menu. Sam rolls his eyes, and Y/N takes a deep breath. She loves the brothers, she really does, but they drive her crazy sometimes.
"Hey, Tuesday. Pig 'n a poke." Dean gestures up at the menu. Y/N furrows her brows, trying to get more information.
"Do you even know what that is?" Sam asks, and Dean doesn't have a good answer to this. Luckily, their waitress comes up to greet them, and Y/N smiles up at her.
"Are you three ready?" She asks with a smile. She's an older lady, with dark, short hair curled in an oldies style to match the bright yellow uniform.
"Yes! I'll have the special, a side of bacon, and a coffee." Dean orders, then turns to Y/N.
"Can I order lunch for breakfast?" Y/N asks, and the waitress sighs.
"I would let ya, but our kitchen isn't set up for it." She says it kindly, and Y/N nods.
"I'll just have coffee, then." The waitress jots it down, and they turn to Sam, who orders his coffee and pancakes. "You got it." The waitress says, and leaves them be. While the boys start to argue about Bela, Y/N looks around the diner. It seems like just a normal, old-fashioned diner, but something in her gut is telling her that this place isn't what it seems.
"Where the laws of physics have no meaning?" Dean asks, reading off the pamphlet Sam handed over. Y/N focuses back in, seeing 'Mystery Spot' on the front.
"This town has a mystery spot?" Y/N asks, grabbing the pamphlet from Dean. Sam shrugs, the boys looking up as the waitress comes back with their coffees. She spills the hot sauce, which ends up getting on Dean because of how far out in the booth he is. Sam can't help his small smile, and Y/N can already feel a headache coming on from this day.
After breakfast, the three walk through town, Y/N looking at the Mystery Spot pamphlet.
"Sweetheart, you're wasting your time. Places like this are just tourist traps." Dean says, gently grabbing the pamphlet from her hands. She frowns, snatching it back.
"There are plenty of places in the world that have strange occurrences that aren't tourist traps." She argues, looking over at Sam for some help.
"There's the Bermuda Triangle, The Oregon Vortex. This could be one of them." Sam defends, and Dean rolls his eyes.
"The Broward County Mystery Spot?" He asks as if it's the stupidest suggestion he's ever heard of.
"It could be? How would you know if you haven't even gone there?" Y/N asks, and Dean takes the pamphlet once more.
"Alright, let's say I believe this. What's the lore?" He's looking down at the pamphlet, and Y/N's looking over at Sam, so neither of them see the blonde who walks right into Dean.
"Excuse me." She says, but Y/N's already turning around. She's used to people hitting on Dean - she's not blind, of course she knows her boyfriend is attractive. But it doesn't make her happy, and usually Dean doesn't do much to stop it before it's too late.
"Hey!" She yells, but Dean's grabbing her arm before she can march over to the blonde chick and ask if she was born yesterday, because she clearly doesn't know how to walk.
"Come on," Dean says quietly, which enrages Y/N even more.
"Seriously?" She asks, talking her hand from Dean's arm. They all start walking again, Sam looking ahead to make sure no one is about to witness the nuclear fight that's about to occur.
"Sweetheart, she ran into me on accident. We don't need to start a fight over that." Dean tries to calm her down, but Y/N isn't having it.
"That's the thing, Dean. You never even stop it. I'm always the one that has to say something." Y/N isn't even sure why they're having this fight right here, right now, but she doesn't want to have to keep it in anymore.
"Does it really matter? You and I both know that I'm yours. I thought you trusted me enough to know I wouldn't just do that." Dean seems actually hurt, which makes Y/N even more mad.
"You clearly don't understand." She huffs, fighting the urge to walk ahead of the bothers. Instead, she looks over the Sam. "So, what's the lore?" She asks, as if they didn't just have a fight.
"Uh," Sam scrambles to recover. "They say these places can bend space and time, sending victims anywhere, or when, I guess."
"That sounds like X-Files." Dean grumbles, clearly still not over the fight. Y/N rolls her eyes.
"Our life is basically X-Files." She argues as they walk past two guys struggling to get a piano through a door. They all stare for a moment, then get back to the conversation.
"Alright, look. I'm not saying that's what's really happening. But if it is, we gotta check it out, see if we can do something." Sam tells them, and Y/N nods.
"Alright, alright. We'll go tonight, after they close, get ourselves a nice, long look." Dean agrees, and Y/N nods.
"Great, see you tonight then." She makes to turn left when the brothers turn right to go back to the hotel.
"Where are you goin'?" Dean asks, pausing just before he crosses the street.
"I need some space. I'll meet you there an hour after close, promise." She says, then walks away. Sam turns to Dean, who's frowning as he watches his girlfriend walk away.
"Dude, you've got to learn how to apologize." Sam says with a sigh, starting to cross the street.
"Shut up!"
~
Y/N's waiting at the Mystery Spot an hour after close, like she promised. The boys nod to her, and Dean hands her a flashlight before they walk in. There's tons of wacky rooms, but they don't find anything interesting.
"Wow. Uncanny." Dean says after they walk through a green and black spiral hallway and into a room with furniture on the ceiling. Sam's scanning for EMF, and Y/N's looking around for anything other than these random attractions that only give her the spooks because of the dark.
"Find anything?" She asks Sam.
"No." The younger brother answers. She keeps looking around, but she has no idea what the hell they're even trying to find in this place. She's crouched down, looking underneath things just to satisfy Sam at this point.
"Do you have any idea what you're looking for?" Dean asks, seemingly giving up even pretending to check the attractions.
"Uh, yeah." Sam says unconvincingly.
"Don't lie, Sammy." Y/N sighs as she stands, looking over at the boys.
"No, I don't." Sam amends, and Dean shakes his head. The two haven't talked since that morning, when they fought, but Y/N knows that by tonight it'll all be find. They just needed some time.
"What the hell are you doing here?" A man rasps quickly from behind them. Y/N gasps as her heart tries to escape her throat, the two boys pulling their guns quickly. She reaches into her waistband before she remembers that she left her's at the hotel that mooring, thinking she was going to go back. Shit.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We can explain." Dean says, seeing the man has a gun. He looks over at Y/N, who pulls her lips in when he realizes she doesn't have a gun.
"You robbing me?" The man asks, swinging his gun to Sam.
"Nobody's robbing you," Y/N tries, the gun swinging to her.
"Calm down!" Dean shouts, trying to get the gun back on him. He has his hands up, and Y/N can tell he's a little more worried because she doesn't have her gun. God, she's so stupid.
"Don't move. Don't move!" The man yells, but Dean continues to move, keeping the gun on him.
"I'm just putting the gun down." Dean explains, but the man is firing the gun, and Y/N screams as she watches the bullet hit Dean's chest. He falls backward, and she rushes to him and drops to her knees, forgetting all about the gun.
"Dean!" She shrieks, picking his torso off the ground and putting it in her lap. He's struggling to breathe, his eyes not even seeing her.
"Call 9-1-1!" Sam tells the man, rushing to Dean's other side.
"I-I didn't mean to-"
"Do it!" Y/N screams at the same time Sam yells "Now!"
"Hey," Sam says to Dean as he starts to choke on his own blood. Y/N knows that there's nothing they can do, that the bullet clearly went through his lungs and now Dean's last moments on this earth are going to be full of pain. He doesn't deserve this.
"Dean, hey," She whispers, watching his eyes finally meet hers. "No, you can't do this, come on, we never had makeup sex." She's trying to joke, trying to make his last minutes bareable, but even though he smiles slightly she can see the panic flooding his eyes. As the light leaves them, and Y/N's tears start to fall, she realizes that she's going to go to Hell to get him back, because their story can't end that way.
"Y/N," Sam whispers, causing her eyes to flick to his.
"This can't be happening." She says, so soft and yet so full of pain that Sam's heart breaks into a million little pieces.
Day 2
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N smiles around her toothpaste. She spits it out as Dean turns up the music, making her way out of the bathroom to pack up and let the boys in to get ready.
Sam looks a little lost as he walks in, staring between Dean and Y/N like he thinks they may be monsters.
"Are you okay, Sam?" Y/N asks as she leans on the doorframe, watching her boyfriend gargle water like a toddler.
"I don't know." Sam says as Dean spits out his water. The couple makes eye contact, confused by this answer. "Man, I had a weird dream." Sam finally settles on, and Y/N nods as she goes back to their bag to finish packing.
"Don't forget your gun!" Y/N calls before Dean can walk out the door.
"Dean doesn't usually forget his gun." Sam mutters, and Y/N turns to the younger brother.
"Are you sure you're alright, Sammy?" Y/N asks as Dean digs through their bag.
"Are you bringing your gun?" Sam dodges the question, and Y/N furrows her brows.
"I never bring my gun to breakfast." She says, watching Sam's face for a few seconds until Dean walks through the door.
"Come on, sweetheart. Sammy, you lock up." Dean says as he grabs Y/N's hand. She tosses the keys to Sam, who turns toward the door.
They walk into the diner, choosing a booth. Y/N looks up at the menu, wondering if they'll let her order lunch for breakfast.
"Hey, Tuesday. Pig 'n a poke." Dean gestures up at the menu. Y/N furrows her brows, trying to get more information.
"It's Tuesday?" Sam asks, and Y/N turns to look at him.
"Yeah." Dean nods, his forehead slightly crinkled as Sam looks a little worried.
"Are you three ready?" The waitress comes up and asks with a smile. Y/N smiles back at her.
"Yes! I'll have the special, a side of bacon, and a coffee." Dean orders, then turns to Y/N.
"Can I order lunch for breakfast?" Y/N asks, and the waitress sighs.
"I would let ya, but our kitchen isn't set up for it." She says it kindly, and Y/N nods.
"I'll just have coffee, then." Y/N smiles, and they all turn to Sam.
"Uh, nothing for me. Thanks." Sam says, causing Y/N to furrow her brows.
"Let me know if you change your mind." The waitress says, and leaves them be. While the boys start to argue about Bela, Y/N looks around the diner. It seems like just a normal, old-fashioned diner, but something in her gut is telling her that this place isn't what it seems.
"Hey!" Dean snaps his fingers, and Y/N turns to see that he's snapping them at his brother, who seems to still be out of it. "You with me?"
"What?" Sam asks, and Y/N feels like something is off. Clearly, Sam isn't fine.
"Are you sure you feel okay?" Dean asks, leaning forward.
"You don't... You guys don't remember any of this?" He asks the two of them. Y/N and Dean look at each other, then back at Sam.
"Remember what?" Dean questions, and Y/N can't help but let her mouth hang slightly open, because she thinks Sam may have lost a couple marbles.
"This. Today. Like - like it's - like it's happened before?" He clarifies, which really only serves to make things muddier.
"Are you talking about déjà vu?" Y/N asks, hoping Sam just didn't get a good night of sleep.
"No. I mean like it's - like it's really happened before." Sam seems very intent on this, and Y/N just stares.
"Yeah, like déjà vu." Dean says with a nod.
"No, forget about déjà vu! I'm asking you if it feels like-like we're living yesterday all over again." Sam looks very agitated now, and Y/N looks at Dean, who she knows is about to talk about déjà vu again.
"Maybe you just need some sleep, Sam." Y/N suggests. Sam looks at her, as if remembering something, but before she can ask the waitress come back over with their coffees. The hot sauce teeters off the edge of the platter, but Sam catches it. Y/N blinks as this happens, but Dean smiles.
"Nice reflexes." He compliments, but Sam is staring at Y/N.
"What?" She asks, but he shakes his head. They eat the rest of their meal in peace, as if Sam hadn't fully admitted to being crazy, before they take a walk outside.
"Are you guys sure that today is Tuesday?" Sam asks, and Y/N takes a deep breath as they pass a barking dog.
"Sam, what the hell are you on about?" She asks, watching him look around as if everything was out to get him.
"Okay, look. Yesterday was Tuesday, right?" He asks, and Y/N and Dean both look at each other once more (Y/N's lost count of how many 'your brother is crazy' looks she's given him). "But today is Tuesday, too." He sounds out of his mind, and Y/N is genuinely starting to get worried.
"Yeah, no. Good. You're totally balanced." Dean says.
"So you don't don't believe me?" Sam practically yells. They both turn to him, missing a blonde lady come out of nowhere and run into Dean.
"Excuse me." She says, but Y/N's already turning around.
"He-" She barely makes a sound before Sam's hand covers her mouth, turning her around and getting them to start walking again. "What the hell?" She asks, pushing Sam off.
"Look, I'm just saying that it's crazy, you know?" Dean gets back on track, briefly distracting Y/N from the fight she was about to start. "Even-for-us crazy. Dingo-ate-my-baby crazy." Dean says.
"Dingo at my baby?" Y/N repeats, looking over to Dean. "Maybe it was a premonition?" She offers before getting too off track.
"No. No way. Way too vivid." Sam shakes his head. "We were at the Mystery Spot, and then," But he trails off.
"And then what?" Dean asks, but Sam looks down at Y/N.
"Then I woke up." He says as they walk by two men arguing about a piano, but Y/N knows he's not telling the full truth. "Wait a minute! The mastery spot. You think maybe it," He trails off again, and Y/N wants to shake him.
"Maybe what?" Dean asks.
"We gotta check that place out." Sam says, but Dean does't seem convinced. "Just go with me on this." Sam begs.
"Alright, alright. We'll go tonight, after they close, get ourselves a nice, long look." Dean agrees, and Y/N nods.
"Wait, what?" Sam stops them, and Y/N turns on the sidewalk to face them. "No." He says, as if it's a terrible idea.
"Why not? You suggested it." Y/N argues.
"Uh," Sam looks at Y/N, as if for help, but she has no idea what he needs. "Let's just go now. Right now. Business hours. Nice and crowded." He says instead, and Y/N blinks.
"My God, you're a freak." Dean says, and Y/N drops her jaw to try to stop from laughing, hitting Dean's arm.
"Dean!" She says, looking at Sam's bitch face.
"Okay! Whatever. We'll go now." He agrees, walking past Y/N and Sam.
"Y/N," Sam keeps her from following Dean so close, the two of them walking a bit behind him as he steps into the road.
"What? Are you sure you're okay?" Y/N asks once more, but Sam doesn't answer but a car speeds through the stop sign and hits Dean, who was only a few feet in front of them. Y/N watches his body go flying before landing face down.
"Dean!" Sam yells, and the two of them race over to his body. "No, no, no." He begs as Y/N flips his body over, holding his bloody face in her hands. He's struggling to breathe, but only for a couple moments before he's not breathing anymore.
"Dean?" Y/N whispers, shaking him slightly. "Dean!" She screams, tears starting to fall down her face.
"Y/N," Sam looks over at her with an unreadable expression, but she doesn't care because Dean is dead.
"This can't be happening." She says, and Sam's eyes widen.
Day 3
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N smiles around her toothpaste. She spits it out as Dean turns up the music, making her way out of the bathroom to pack up and let the boys in to get ready.
"I'm in a time loop." Sam says quietly, not getting out of bed. Y/N pauses, looking over to him.
"What?" She asks, but Sam glares at her.
"This has happened before. This all has happened before." He gets up, and Y/N nods slowly.
"Alright. Why don't we go get some breakfast, and you can tell us about it then." She suggests, which seems to calm him down a little bit.
Y/N reminds Dean to grab his gun, not grabbing hers, and then they're off the breakfast.
"Hey, Tuesday. Pig 'n a poke." Dean gestures up at the menu. Y/N furrows her brows, trying to get more information.
"Would you listen to me, Dean? Cause I am flipping out." Sam says lowly, and Y/N and Dean look at each other before looking back at Sam.
"Are you three ready?" The waitress comes up and asks with a smile. Y/N smiles back at her.
"He'll take the special, side of bacon, and they both want coffee. Nothing for me, thanks." Sam says quickly. Y/N's eyes widen.
"You got it." The waitress turns and leaves, and Y/N looks over at Sam.
"I wanted lunch." She complains with a small pout, but Sam doesn't seem to care.
"They don't do lunch this early, the kitchen isn't set up yet." He's still speaking fast, and it's starting to upset Y/N.
"You don't know that." She argues, and Sam finally looks her dead in the eye.
"Yes, I do. That's what I've been trying to tell you guys. I'm stuck in a time loop." Sam insists, and Y/N nods.
"Like Groundhog Day." Dean suggests, as if this is crazy.
"Yes. Exactly like Groundhog Day." Sam seems happy with this, and Y/N knows that her boyfriend does not believe him at all.
"Uh-huh." Dean's almost smiling, and she sighs.
"So you don't believe me." Sam says, as if it's the most believable thing in the world. Dean laughs at this.
"It's - It's a little crazy. Even-for-us crazy. Ya know like, uh,"
"Dingo-ate-my-baby crazy?" Sam finishes the sentence, and Y/N's eyes widen.
"How'd you know I was gonna say that?" Dean asks, as if Sam hasn't been explaining it the whole time.
"Because you've said it before, Dean. That's my whole point." Sam says, and Y/N's starting think that maybe Sam's not crazy. The waitress come back over with their coffees. The hot sauce teeters off the edge of the platter, but Sam catches it. Y/N blinks as this happens, but Dean smiles.
"Nice reflexes." He says, but Sam looks like a kicked puppy because Dean doesn't believe him.
"No. I know it was gonna happen." Sam argues. Y/N sighs as she takes a sip of her coffee before putting it down.
"I'm not saying we don't believe you, Sam, but I'm sure there's some sort of explanation for this." Y/N says, and Sam's eyes snap to her.
"I'm sure there is." He says cooly, and Y/N flinches back.
"I haven't done anything yet. This is the first Tuesday I've lived through this week, sorry." She says, rolling her eyes at Sam's attitude.
"Alright, everyone calm down." Dean suggests and this fires both Y/N and Sam up.
"Don't tell me to calm down! I can't calm down because," Sam stops, and he looks between Y/N and Dean.
"Because what?" Dean asks, waiting for the answer.
"Because you die today, Dean." Sam says, and it feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room.
"I'm not gonna die. Not today." Dean says, as if this is an idiotic thing to say and Sam is just trying to get a rise out of him.
"Twice now, we've watched you die." Sam says, looping Y/N in on this even though she hasn't been going through the time loop with him. "And I can't. I won't do it again, okay?" Sam's voice is low, and Dean sits back at this. He can tell his brother is serious. Sam looks over at Y/N, who's staring back at him. "You're just gonna have to believe me. Please."
"Alright. I think still think you're nuts, but," He nods a couple times. "Okay. Whatever this is, we'll figure it out." Dean promises, just as his food comes to the table.
After breakfast, they take a walk outside, back to the hotel. Sam pushes his way to be on Y/N's left, even though Dean's always on the left, but she lets him. A girl bumps into him, and Y/N turns to eye her before continuing walking. They're talking about the Mystery Spot, about why Sam thinks it's the root of the entire problem. The brothers are fighting, and Y/N is tired of it.
"Alright! Let's just go tonight after they close." She says, but clearly this was not the right thing to say.
"No, no, no, no!" Sam says, looking at her like she's crazy. "We can't." They're standing on the sidewalk now, Y/N turned to face the other two.
"Why not?" Dean asks, and Sam takes a deep breath.
"Because you," He starts, and Y/N realizes immediately what Sam is trying to say.
"I what?" Dean asks, and Y/N rolls her eyes.
"You die there." She says, causing Sam to scowl at her. She squints instead of asking what his problem is, because clearly he has a lot.
"Okay then, let's go now." Dean says, walking off the sidewalk and onto the street. Sam knocks Y/N over as he grabs Dean, stopping him from being hit by a car that's blowing through a stop sign. Y/N's elbow is bleeding, but otherwise she thinks she's fine, and Dean is fine too.
"What the hell?" She grumbles as she stands, going over to Dean and Sam.
"Did it look cool, like in the movies?" Dean asks, and Y/N rolls her eyes and she holds her elbow.
"You peed yourself." Sam says, and she starts laughing.
"Of course I peed myself. A man gets hit by a car, you think he has full control over his bladder? Come on!" Dean asks, before looking at Y/N. "You alright, sweetheart?" He asks, and Y/N nods even though she can feel the blood staining the long sleeve she has on.
"What the hell was that, Sam?" She asks, turning to him.
"I was saving Dean." Sam argues, mood soured even more.
"You didn't have to push me to the ground!" She argues, and Dean snaps his head to her.
"Why are you pushing her, man?" He asks, stepping closer to Sam.
"Let's just go." Sam mutters, knowing he won't win this. "Don't forget your gun this time, Y/N." Sam calls as he crosses the street. Y/N turns to Dean, who grabs her hand and crosses the street with her.
"I don't know what he's on about, I never forget my gun."
~
"I hate to say it, but that place is exactly what I thought - it's full of crap." Dean says as they walk the same walk they had been in the morning. It's dark now, and they had spent the day at the Mystery Spot trying to figure something out. They had gotten absolutely nowhere, which doesn't bode well for Sam.
"So what is it, then, Dean?" Sam is clearly freaking out, and Y/N is exhausted of all this. "What the hell is happening to us?"
"I don't know." Dean says lowly, and Y/N knows he's exhausted of this too. "Alright, let me just - so, every day I die." Dean states. Y/N has half a mind of just continuing on to the hotel.
"Yeah," Sam confirms.
"That's when you wake up again, right?" Dean asks, and Sam looks over at Y/N. She has no clue why he keeps doing this, but it's driving her crazy.
"Yeah," He says finally.
"So, let's just make sure I don't die." Dean says, as if it's obvious. "If I make it to tomorrow, then maybe the loop stops and we can figure all this out."
"Great, I love this plan. Can we go to bed now?" Y/N asks, grabbing Dean's hand and pulling him along.
"Let's get some take out. Who want's Chinese?" The words are barely out of his mouth with a rope snaps, and Y/N turns to see Dean's body flattened underneath a piano. Blood is everywhere, and his head has been decapitated. She's so shocked, she can't do anything but stare.
"Y/N, wait!" Sam calls, and she looks up at him.
"This can't be happening." She whispers, and Sam lets out a yell as everything goes black.
Day 4
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N smiles around her toothpaste. She spits it out as Dean turns up the music, making her way out of the bathroom to pack up and let the boys in to get ready.
"What the hell are you doing?" Sam yells, and Y/N's eyes widen as Sam crowds her.
"Sam!" Dean shouts, but Sam doesn't care about whatever threats his brother his about to make.
"I know it's you. I know you're doing this. And I get it, okay. I don't like it either. But if I have to listen to that song one more goddamn time!" Sam is in Y/N's face, and she looks terrified.
"What are you talking about?" She asks, and Sam rolls his eyes.
"Don't play dumb! I know you're behind the time loop! Look, we can stop Dean from dying, but you have to work with me and stop doing this!" Sam begs, and Dean finally pulls Sam back.
"What the hell are you on about, man?" Dean asks, getting between Sam and Y/N.
"I am stuck in a time loop where you die every day and Y/N is causing it!" Sam accuses, and the two of them stare at him as if he's crazy.
"How!" Y/N shrieks, coming out from behind Dean's back. "How would I even be doing that?"
"I," Sam pauses, because he actually hadn't thought that far. "I don't know. But every time Dean dies, you say the same thing." He says, and Y/N takes a deep breath.
"Great. Good deduction work, Sam." She says, and now he's starting to doubt himself. But if it isn't Y/N, and it isn't the Mystery Spot, then what is it? "I'm going to get some food." She tells the two of them, walking out the door.
"Don't forget your gun." Sam says weakly, and she turns sharply to him.
"I never bring my gun to breakfast." She grumbles, making a point not to grab it before walking out the door.
"What the hell is your problem?" Dean asks, more angry than Sam's seen him in awhile.
"I have watched you die over and over, Dean." Sam says, but Dean is still pissed off.
"That doesn't mean you go after my girlfriend, bitch." Dean says, leaving the room without grabbing his gun.
Sam wishes he was surprised when Y/N comes running into the room, tears streaming down her face as she tells Sam that Dean choked on his breakfast.
"This can't be happening." Y/N whispers through her tears, and Sam just lays back in his bed, thinking you have no idea.
Day 5
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N smiles around her toothpaste. She spits it out as Dean turns up the music, making her way out of the bathroom to pack up and let the boys in to get ready.
"No going out today!" Sam says, making everyone pause. Dean turns the music off, then looks at his brother.
"Alright, I know you've been pretty upset lately, but,"
"I'm trapped in a time loop." He says quickly. "No, it's not déjà vu. No, I'm not going crazy. You die every day. We can't go get breakfast because you'll choke on your food. We can't check out the Mystery Spot after hours, because you get shot. We can't go during the day, because you get hit by a car. And even if we narrowly avoid those two fates, a piano crushes and decorates you. So you are gonna sit in this hotel room, and we are going to get to tomorrow." Sam tells Dean, then finally looks at Y/N. They're both looking at him like he's crazy.
"I'm taking a shower." Dean says simply, getting up and looking at Y/N. "Can you please un-crazy him?" He asks, before shutting the door to the bathroom and turning the water on.
"Are you on drugs?" Y/N asks, because it's the only thing she can think of. Sam sighs, shaking his head.
"I know how it sounds, okay. But I swear, it doesn't matter what we do, Dean ends up dying and the day restarts. It's an endless stream of Tuesdays." He puts his head in his hands, and Y/N frowns.
"Well, something had to of caused it. Do you know what it is?" Y/N asks, sitting on the bed next to him. She's not sure she fully believes him, but they also hunt demons and monsters for a living and her boyfriend has a death sentence that ends in hell which saved Sam's life, so she can't say he's completely crazy.
"At first, I thought it was you, somehow. But yesterday I called you out and realized that it wasn't." Sam admits, and Y/N narrows her eyes.
"Why would you think I had something to do with this?" She asks, a little hurt.
"Because Dean kept dying and you always say the same thing after he dies. I thought you somehow made a deal or something to try and get him back, but for some reason this is the day he dies." Sam says the words with pain lacing his voice, because he doesn't want to give up trying to save Dean's life. As much as he hates watching Dean die over and over again, he'll go through it if the end means he'd save Dean's life.
"Ahh!" They hear Dean's yell from the bathroom, along with a loud thud. Y/N's eyes widen, and she looks over to Sam. He thinks they're going to go look at the body, that she'll want to confirm that Dean's really dead, but instead she grabs his arm, hand shaking in terror.
"This can't be happening." She says, and Sam's mouth drops open just as the world goes black.
Day 6
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N smiles around her toothpaste. She spits it out as Dean turns up the music, making her way out of the bathroom to pack up and let the boys in to get ready.
"Let's order in breakfast." Sam suggests on a whim, hoping to keep Dean inside without setting him off. He has no idea what causes the deaths, or why they happen at different times, but he can't figure it out if Dean keeps dying at the beginning of each day.
"There's a good diner down the road, why don't we just go there?" Y/N asks as she zips her bag, turning to the boys.
"I just really want tacos." Sam lies, and it's a stupid lie but he needs them to stay in.
"I could go for tacos." Dean shrugs, and Y/N sighs, knowing she's lost this battle. They drive to the drive-thru (because Sam insists he cannot go inside and doesn't want to sit on those chairs, they aren't made for men of his size) and take the tacos back to the hotel. Once they're all spread out, Sam can breathe a little easier.
"So, are you ever going to explain why we had to get tacos instead of going to the diner?" Y/N asks as she bites into her taco. She stares at Sam as she chews, but her face turns as something wrong hits her taste buds.
"Do these tacos taste funny to you?" Dean asks, mouth full.
The only good thing, Sam thinks as he watches Y/N slump against the table only seconds before Dean does, is that he doesn't have to hear Y/N's heart shattering whisper again.
Day 7
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N smiles around her toothpaste. She spits it out as Dean turns up the music, making her way out of the bathroom to pack up and let the boys in to get ready.
"Dean!" Y/N screams as Dean falls to the ground after trying to plug in his razor, ending up electrocuted with hair sticking up and skin burning. "He's not breathing! Sam!" She calls, but Sam stays in bed. He takes a deep breath as he prepares himself for the next line, which although he's heard it five times already never fails to make the hair on his arms stick up.
"This can't be happening."
Day 8
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N smiles around her toothpaste. She spits it out as Dean turns up the music, making her way out of the bathroom to pack up and let the boys in to get ready.
Sam doesn't have time today. He's going to figure out what the hell is going on at the Mystery Spot.
He lets the day go on as normal, Dean getting his bacon and Y/N asking about lunch. He forgets to stand in Dean's spot, and Y/N gets in a fight with the Dean, which means they end up meeting her after hours at the Mystery Spot.
"I think Sam's gone crazy." Dean says when they spot her.
"Why's that?" She asks, taking a flashlight from him. She forgot her gun at the hotel, having thought she would be going back after breakfast. They enter the building, weaving through some rooms and hotel to get to the main attracts
"Dean, you said you would trust me." Sam complains, and Dean sighs.
"I will, I will." He promises. "Sam says he's been through today before. Like Groundhog Day. He said the first time, I died here."
"Listen," Sam stops them both in a green and black spiral hallway. "The first time we were here, Dean died because the owner caught us sneaking around. This time, we're gonna catch the owner so I can figure out what the hell is up with this place. Because if I wake up tomorrow and it isn't Wednesday, I'm gonna lose my mind." Sam tells them, then marches out. Y/N nods, looking to Dean.
"He's lost his marbles." She's agrees, following Sam.
It's not hard to tie up the owner with the duct tape Sam had brought, but Y/N and Dean both just watch as Sam starts to tear into the walls with a sledge hammer.
"Everybody's fine. Nobody's gonna get hurt, okay?" Dean says enthusiastically to the owner. Y/N is sitting on the floor next to Sam, watching with wide eyes as he goes crazy.
"Sam, maybe we should drop it and let the poor man leave." She suggests, watching Sam stagger back. He looks like a wild man, and Y/N fights the urge to slide away.
"Something's gotta be goin' on here. I intend to find out what." He heaves, and Y/N just nods. They've been here for the better part of the night, and Sam has gone through most of the walls.
"Place is tore up pretty good, dude. Time to give it a rest." Dean says, but he doesn't move toward his brother.
"No!" Sam yells, startling Y/N. Now she does slide back to Dean's side, not wanting to be near the axe. "I'm gonna take it down to studs." Sam goes back to chopping, and Y/N runs a hand over her face as Dean lets out a breathy chuckle.
"Sammy, that's enough. Give me the axe." Dean pushes himself up, and Y/N stays sitting as she watches the two boys fight.
"No!" Sam yells, pulling it away from his brother.
"Give me the axe! This is crazy!" Dean argues, and the two start yelling over each other. Y/N stands as Dean grabs the handle, the axe balancing between them.
"Guys, I think we should drop the axe and quit fighting." She's trying to sound calm, but her heart is racing. She doesn't like the look of this. She begins to walk forward as Sam loses his grip on the axe and it slices right across Dean's neck, not quite decapitating him but killing him quickly.
"Oh, no. Dean?" Sam doesn't sound too concerned, but Y/N feels like she's going to throw up. There's blood covering her face and clothing, Dean's blood, and he's dead. He's dead, and Sam killed him. She looks up at him, and he just tilts his head and sighs.
"This can't be happening." She says, confusion laced in her voice.
Day 100
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N smiles around her toothpaste. She spits it out as Dean turns up the music, making her way out of the bathroom to pack up and let the boys in to get ready.
Y/N reminds Dean to grab his gun, he grabs her hand and tells Sam to lock up, and then they're on their way to breakfast. On the way, Sam tries to tell them about the time loop, but it goes about the same as it did the last time. They sit in the too small booth again, and Sam almost rips his hair out when Dean starts to speak.
"Hey, Tuesday. Pig 'n a poke." Dean gestures up at the menu. Y/N furrows her brows, trying to get more information. Before she can, Sam sets a set of keys on the table. "What are those?" Dean asks, looking up.
"The old man's." When he says it, Y/N realizes that Sam seems tired, like he didn't sleep at all last night. "Trust me, you don't want him behind the wheel." He says tiredly, like he's had this conversation before. Y/N furrows her brows, but before she can ask the waitress shows up.
"Are you three ready?" She asks with a smile. Y/N smiles back at her.
"Yes, we are. I'll have the special, a side of bacon, and a coffee." Dean orders, then turns to Y/N.
"Can I order lunch for breakfast?" Y/N asks, and the waitress sighs.
"I would let ya, but our kitchen isn't set up for it." She says it kindly, and Y/N nods.
"I'll just have coffee, then." The waitress jots it down, and they turn to Sam.
"Hey, Doris. What I'd like is for you to log in some more hours at the archery range." Sam says, and Y/N opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. She has no idea how to excuse what Sam has just said. "You're a terrible shot." He says it like it's funny, which makes him seem even more crazy.
"How do you know," She starts, but Sam doesn't let her finish.
"Lucky guess." He nods. Y/N can feel Dean looking to her, probably to see if this is real or not, but Y/N cannot take her eyes off the younger Winchester. They all smile at Doris, who leaves, then turn to Sam.
"Okay, so, you think you're caught in some kind of what again?" Dean asks, because clearly the display he just put on caught his older brother's attention.
"Time loop." Sam is looking at the table, slouched in his seat with a sad expression.
"Like Groundhog Day." Dean suggests, and Y/N watches Sam shrug.
"It doesn't matter. There's no way to stop it." He grumbles quickly, and Y/N sighs.
"Jeez, aren't you grumpy?" Dean says, and Y/N closes her eyes at her boyfriend's dense nature.
"Yeah, I am. You wanna know why?" Sam asks, and Y/N puts her head on the table. Sam may have actually lived through this Tuesday a hundred times, but Y/N has lived through this fight a thousand.
"Why?" Dean can't resist poking.
"Because this is the hundredth Tuesday in a row I've been through, and it never stops. Ever. So, yeah, I'm a little grumpy." Sam tells them, and Y/N picks her head up to try and comfort him.
"We'll figure this out, Sam." She tells him, because even if she's not sure if Sam is truly crazy or if he's actually living through a year of Tuesdays, she knows they will help him.
"Hot sauce." Sam says, and Y/N can only blink at this.
"What?" Dean asks, but then the waitress come back over with their coffees. The hot sauce teeters off the edge of the platter, but Sam catches it.
"Nice reflexes."
"I knew it was gonna happen, Dean." Sam barely lets his brother get the words out. "I know everything that's gonna happen."
"You don't know everything." Dean snarks, and Y/N wonders if in one of these hundred timelines, her boyfriend ever just leaves things be instead of challenging them.
"Yeah, I do." Sam counters, and Y/N is about to split up the fighting before it's even started when the two begin to talk at the same time.
"Yeah, right. Nice guess." Dean looks up at that, and Sam just smirks.
"It wasn't a guess." Sam says, but of course Dean can't leave it at that.
"Right, you're a mind reader. Cut it out, Sam. Sam! Sam!" They both lean into the table, getting close to each other. "You think you're being funny, but you're being really really childish. Sam Winchester wears makeup. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex. Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the bed and evermore when he wakes up-"
"Okay, stop it!" She says, but Sam says it in time with her, causing her to stare at him. He cowers back, knowing he crossed a line.
"Sorry." He mutters, and everyone takes a deep breath. "But that's not all. Randy, the cashier? He's skimming from the register." They all turn to look at the guy at the front, who seems none the wiser to Sam knowing this information.
"Sam," Y/N starts, but Sam doesn't stop to listen to her. Whatever he thinks she's said before, it clearly wasn't important.
"Judge Meyers? At night, he puts on a furry bunny outfit." Sam says it loud enough that Judge Myers hears them and drops his drink, spilling it everywhere. "Over there, that's Cal. He's gonna rob Tony the Mechanic on the way home."
"What's your point?" Dean asks, eyes wide with this information.
"My point is I've lived through every possible Tuesday. I've watched you die every possible way. I even watched you die once." He turns to Y/N, who is still staring at him. "I have ripped apart the mystery spot, burnt it down, tried everything I know to save your life, and I can't. No matter what I do, you die. And then I wake up. And then it's Tuesday again." Y/N and Dean look at each other, and Y/N wonders how many times Sam has watched them do this. She wonders how many times Sam has gone through this exact speech, how many times it took for him to get to where he is now.
~
They're walking back to the hotel, and Sam's still dejected.
"Dog." He says, and on cue, the dog starts barking.
"There's gotta be some way out of this." Y/N says, even though she's sure Sam's tried almost everything.
"Where's my dang keys?" Sam asks, and a moment later they walk around the old man from the diner asking the same thing. "Excuse me." He says, and then a girl brushes past Dean.
"Excuse me." She tells him, and Y/N turns around, about to yell at her.
"Don't yell at her, you'll only start a fight." Sam says as he grabs her arm. She's starting to get annoyed with his futuristic bullshit, so she rips her arm away from his.
"I wasn't going to." She says, and before Sam can tell her that he knows she was, Y/N feels the need to do something different, just to prove him wrong. "Excuse me!" She calls, causing the blonde girl to turn around. Y/N jogs to catch up, leaving the brothers behind her.
"Has she ever done that?" Dean asks, starting to walk back.
"No," Sam says, sounding shocked. Y/N's grabbing a paper by the time they get there, and the girl is walking away. She looks down at the paper, then back up at Sam.
"You've done this a hundred times, and you never thought to check and see what she was carrying?" Y/N asks, and Sam shakes his head.
"Most of the time, I was keeping you from a fight." Sam says, and Y/N rolls her eyes.
"It's a missing poster." She says, holding it up. "For her father." When Y/N drops the last part, Sam's eyes widen and grabs the paper, jogging toward the girl. The dog next to them is barking, and Dean smiles down at them.
"Hey, buddy. Someone need a friend?" He asks as he crouches to pet them. Y/N smiles and leans in closer, and then the dog goes for Dean's jugular as if it's a rabid animal.
"Dean!" Y/N screams, pulling him away from the dog. But he's already gone, blood all over his front and eyes wide still. "Sam!" She calls, and Sam turns to see the scene.
"Shit," He mutters, but at least he figured something out before he had to restart. Something useful.
"This can't be happening."
Day 103
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N smiles around her toothpaste. She spits it out as Dean turns up the music, making her way out of the bathroom to pack up and let the boys in to get ready.
Sam is ready to get to breakfast, and after Y/N reminds Dean to grab his gun they're off, Sam bringing his laptop to do some digging into the case. They order from the waitress, sitting in the small booth, and Sam starts to report on his findings from the day before, when he had talked to the missing guy's daughter.
"He writes about local Mystery Spots, debunking them. He's already put four of them out of business. Here." She turns the laptop around so they can see what Sam's found, and the couple start to read up.
"The 'Truth Warrior'?" Y/N asks, with a roll of her eyes.
"More like a Pompous Schmuck, if you ask me." Dean says, leaning over her shoulder.
"Yeah, tell me about it. I mean, I've read everything the guy's ever written. He must've weighed a ton, he was so full of himself." Sam says, and Y/N pauses on that. How has Sam read everything he's ever written if they just started researching this morning?
"When did you read all that?" Y/N asks, and Sam just stares for a moment as the couple looks at him like he's crazy.
"Come on." He avoids the question, grabbing his laptop.
"It's funny, ya know? This guy spends his whole life crapping on mystery spots and then he vanishes in one." Dean says with a chuckle as they stand, and Y/N nods with a smile.
"Kinda poetic." She says, following Dean out the door. They pass when Sam isn't right behind them, turning back to see him staring at an empty plate.
"What?" Dean asks.
"Guy has maple syrup for the past hundred Tuesdays - all the sudden, he's having strawberry?" Sam watches the man that was just in the diner as he walks outside.
"That's not a very funny punchline." Y/N comments, looking at the plate.
"It's a free country, Sam. A man can't choose his own syrup, huh? What have we become?" Dean jokes, causing Y/N to let out a small giggle. Sam doesn't find either of their jokes even worthy of a smile.
"Not in this diner. Not today." He says, completely serious. Y/N's smile begins to fade, because she thinks Sam may actually be crazy. "Nothing in this place ever changes - ever. Except me." Sam says dramatically. Y/N opens her mouth with a small smile.
"This cannot be happening." She says, Sam's eyes widening as he turns to her. "Sam, it's too early for you to lose your marbles."
"No, wait!" He yells, but it's too late.
Day 104
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N smiles around her toothpaste. She spits it out as Dean turns up the music, making her way out of the bathroom to pack up and let the boys in to get ready.
"I'm caught in a time loop, and I think I just figured out how to fix it but we have to go to breakfast now." Sam says quickly, rising and going to his bag, changing his clothes without even caring that Y/N is standing right there. She covers her eyes dramatically, even though she's seen it all through the years when she's had to fix him up after hard fights.
"Breakfast sounds good to me." Dean agrees, completely skipping the time loop part as if Sam had told them the weather.
"Don't forget your gun, Dean. I'll lock up. We can talk about it later." Sam says, pulling on his shoes and grabbing Y/N's arm to lead her out the door.
"What the hell are you doing?" She asks, snatching her arm out of his grasp.
"I promise, it will all make sense soon. I just have to get to the diner." He lets Dean and Y/N go ahead before goes back into the room to grab what he needs. He doesn't even complain about the small booth, doesn't snap when Y/N asks for the hundredth time about lunch, and grabs the hot sauce when it falls. When Dean's food finally comes, he seems to be in a better mood.
"So, you think you're caught in some kind of what now?" Dean asks through a mouth of bacon. Y/N scrunches her face in disgust, but she doesn't say anything.
"Eat your breakfast." Sam snaps, and Y/N gives Sam a look, if only because she doesn't dare to say anything to him when he's acting like this. As soon as the man sitting at the bar across from them gets up, Sam follows with the bag he packed.
"What's in the bag?" Dean asks, and Y/N sighs as she stands.
"Nothing good, I'm sure." She says as Dean follows, putting money on the table. Sam follows the man far enough that there aren't a lot of people around before he pushes him against a chainlink fence, a stake pressed to his neck.
"I know who you are. Or should I say 'what'?" Sam says, and Y/N looks at Dean, unsure what to do.
"Oh my God. Please, don't kill me." The man begs, and Y/N steps toward Sam, hand on his bicep.
"Uh, Sam," She starts softly, but he shrugs her off.
"It took me a hell of a long time, but I got it." Sam is acting like nothing else exists, and it's kind of scaring Y/N.
"What?" The man asks, as if Sam really needed prompting to continue.
"It's your M.O. that gave you away. Going after pompous jerks, giving them their just desserts. Your kind loves that, don't they?" Y/N looks at Dean once more, because she is completely lost.
"Yeah, sure. Okay. Just put the stake down." The man begs, and Y/N grabs Dean's arm to try and get him to help.
"Sam, maybe you should-"
"No!" Sam yells, voice deep. It startles Y/N, but Dean is still staring intently. "There's only one creature powerful enough to do what you're doing. Making reality out of nothing, sticking people in time loops. In fact, you'd pretty much have to be a god. You'd have to be a trickster." Sam says, and Y/N suddenly realizes what Sam is saying.
"Mister, my name is Ed Coleman. My wife's name is Amelia. I've got two kids. For crying out loud, I sell ad space!" Y/N's not sure if the trickster is just putting up a great show, or of if Sam has gone off his rocker and this is his breaking point. She briefly realizes she'd be losing both Winchesters if this is true, so she needs this man to be a trickster. She needs Sam to be right.
"Don't lie to me! I know what you are!" Sam screams. Y/N flinches again, and Dean grabs her hand and squeezes. "We've killed one of your kind before!" The words are barely out of Sam's mouth before Loki is there, in the flesh. The trickster they thought they killed, not actually dead.
"Actually, bucko, you didn't." He says, and Y/N feels Dean push her behind him slightly.
"Why are you doing this." Sam says, keeping the stake pointing to his neck.
"You're joking, right? You chuckleheads tried to kill me last time. Why wouldn't I do this?" The answer makes Y/N angry, but Dean opens his mouth first.
"And Hasselback, what about him?" Dean asks, as if that's the most important thing right now. It's nice he's thinking about the victim, but a trickster they thought they killed is actually alive, and apparently has been putting Sam through time loops.
"That putz? He said he didn't believe in wormholes, so I dropped him in one." The trickster says, and Y/N groans, because of course nothing can be easy. "Huh? Then you guys showed up. I made you the second you hit town." He's saying it all with a smile, and Y/N can't stop herself.
"So this is fun for you?" She asks, and Sam pushes the stake in more.
"You killed Dean over and over again." Sam says, and Y/N can't help but squeeze Dean's arm tighter; Sam hadn't told them about that part of the time loop.
"One - yes, it is fun. And two - this is so not about killing Dean. This joke, is on you, Sam." The trickster says, before he looks over to Y/N. "It could've been on you, too, but I knew you'd figure it out way faster. But Sam, having to watch his brother die every day. Forever. Having to listen to you say the same words again and again." He's smiling, and Y/N feels sick even though she doesn't even know what words he's talking about.
"You son of a bitch." Sam says, but he has nothing else, no other comeback.
"How long will it take you to realize you can't save your brother, no matter what? Hell, sometimes, you can't even save her." Loki taunts, and Y/N wishes Sam would just kill the motherfucker and end this.
"Oh yeah?" Sam asks, pushing him into the fence even more. "I kill you, this all ends now."
"Oh, hey! Whoa, okay, okay. Look, I was just playing around. You can't take a joke, fine. You're out of it. Tomorrow, you wake up, it'll be Wednesday. I swear." Loki says, and Y/N shakes her head.
"How do we know you're telling the truth?" She asks, and he turns to Sam.
"If I'm not, you know where to find me. Having pancakes at the diner." He says simply. Sam looks over to Dean and Y/N, who look at him with the same expression. He knows what he has to do.
"No. Easier to just kill you." He says.
"Sorry, kiddo, can't have that." Loki snaps his fingers, and suddenly he's gone. Y/N groans, rolling her eyes and flopping her body dramatically.
"Don't," Sam says, but it's too late.
"This can't be happening." She complains, and Sam thanks the trickster that at least this time, it wasn't soft and sad.
Day 105
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N turns to see him looking wide eyed.
"What, are you gonna sleep all day?" Dean asks around his toothbrush, one hand on Y/N's hip and the other brushing his teeth behind her.
"No Asia." Sam says, and Y/N furrows her brows as Dean leans over her to spit his toothpaste out.
"Yeah, I know. This station sucks." He complains, going over to his bag. Y/N spits out her toothpaste and rinses her mouth, freeing up the bathroom for Sam.
"It's Wednesday!" He says, and Y/N pursues her lips in confusion.
"Yup, it usually comes after Tuesday." She says, going to her shared bag.
"Hey, turn the music off, would ya?" Dean asks, getting in Y/N's way of packing the bag.
"What, are you kidding?" Sam asks, as if Dean was crazy. "This isn't the most beautiful song you've ever heard?" He dramatically jumps out of bed, causing Y/N and Dean to just stare.
"No." Dean says flatly, and Y/N tilts her head slightly.
"Are you alright, Sam?" She asks, walking over to the bed. "You were pretty out of it yesterday." She feels his forehead, and he only lets her because he knows Dean would kill him if he smacked her hand away.
"What happened?" Sam asks, too scared to hope.
"I mean, you were acting all strange, and we ran into the trickster." Dean explains, and Sam smiles as he finishes putting on his shirt.
"Alright, pack your stuff. Let's get the hell out of town, now." Sam says, and Y/N turns to Dean.
"What's up with him?" She asks, and he frowns.
"I don't know, but I want breakfast." Dean says as he walks out of the room, Y/N following.
"No breakfast!" Sam shouts, and she rolls her eyes.
"We can stop somewhere." She whispers as they make their way to the car. Dean puts their bag in, then Y/N's small personal bag, not closing the trunk because Sam's supposed to be right behind them.
"I feel like we made a mistake, letting the trickster go." He says, and she sighs. Before she can respond, however, they turn to see a man pointing a gun at them.
"Give me your wallet." He's shaking, and Y/N can tell this is his first time.
"Hey, woah, we can talk about this, alright?" Dean tries, hands up. Y/N reaches for her gun, but she forgot it in their bag, thinking they were just going out to the car. A stupid, stupid mistake. "Why don't you just put the gun down, we can talk about this." He says, but the man doesn't like the answer. He gets closer, and the second Dean shifts to grab a gun the man shoots. He must've realized his mistake quickly, because he's running before Y/N even screams. She hits the ground, grabbing his body and staring at the bloody mess and the bullet hole on the front.
"Dean?" She whispers, but she knows it's futile. The man may not have had much experience with a gun, but he hit Dean perfectly to kill.
"Dean!" Sam shouts as he runs over. "No, no, no, this wasn't supposed to happen, not today!" He says, and Y/N has no idea what that means but she lets it go as she watches her tears fall onto Dean's freckled face. The love of her life, gone.
"I'm sorry," She says, because she doesn't know what else to say. She should have had her gun on her, should have been able to stop that guy.
"I'm supposed to wake up." Sam says, and Y/N looks up finally.
"What?" She says, cradling Dean's body close to hers.
"Say the thing." He demands, and she flinches back. It's silent for a couple moments as they stare at each other.
"What thing?" She asks, looking back down at Dean. She pushes some stray hairs out of his face, brushing her fingers down his stubble.
"You always say it!" Sam snaps, and Y/N startles. "You say it every time, right before it resets. You have to say it." He begs, and she thinks he must be going crazy.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She whispers as more tears fall down her face.
"'This can't be happening.' Say 'this can't be happening.'" Sam tells her, and she just shakes her head.
"Why?" She doesn't understand, everything feels wrong. Holding Dean's lifeless body is wrong, not feeling his breath is wrong.
"Just do it!" He yells, and she can't help the sob that escapes.
"This can't be happening." She repeats, but nothing happens.
Six Months Later
"Hey, Sam, it's me. I just wanted to let you know that I'm back from Cabo, where I spread some of Dean's ashes. I wish you could've come, Bobby said he hasn't heard from you in awhile, so I figured I should reach out. He said you've been hunting still. Taking care of business. I want to help, Sam. Don't push me away." She takes a deep breath, and Sam can hear the hesitation over the recording. "I know this is hard, Sam. But you've turned into a machine, and I know Dean doesn't want that." She hesitates again, and Sam almost wishes she'd end the call. "Call me, Sam. Please." Finally, the end tone plays, and Sam presses on the gas harder. He knows that Y/N wouldn't approve him summoning the trickster, but he has to do it, he has to get his revenge or get Dean back.
Sam has been on the fringe, he knows, but killing Bobby was a wake up call. He would promise that trickster anything, to just have Dean back. Bobby's voicemails are bad enough, but Y/N's break his already fragile heart. He can barely listen when she does call. He would have sold his soul. But thankfully, he doesn't have to do that. Loki snaps his fingers, and for once - no, this makes twice - Sam doesn't have to hear the God forsaken words come out of Y/N's mouth before everything goes black.
Wednesday
Sam shoots straight up, and from her space in the bathroom, Y/N turns to see him looking wide eyed.
"What, are you gonna sleep all day?" Dean asks around his toothbrush, one hand on Y/N's hip and the other brushing his teeth behind her. Sam continues to stare, and Dean spits out the toothpaste over Y/N. "I know, no Asia. This station sucks." Dean complains, and Y/N rolls her eyes as she spits out her own toothpaste.
"It's Wednesday." He says softly, and Y/N briefly wonders if he had a nightmare. She didn't hear any tossing or turning, but that didn't mean much.
"Yup, it usually comes after Tuesday." She says, going to her shared bag.
"Hey, turn the music off, would ya?" Dean asks, getting in Y/N's way of packing the bag. She smiles up at him, but then Sam comes over, grabbing Dean around the shoulders and pulling him in for a hug. She steps back to let them have their moment, but Dean is looking at her confused over Sam's shoulder.
"Dude, how many Tuesdays did you have?" He asks, and Sam breathes deeply.
"Enough." He answers, then pulls back. "Wait, what do you remember." He looks at the both of them, so Y/N answers.
"You were pretty out of it yesterday." She says, recalling how erratic he had acted at the diner.
"Yeah, you were acting all strange, and we ran into the trickster." Dean says, and Sam nods. "That's about it."
"Let's go." Sam finally says with a small smile.
"No breakfast?" Dean asks, and Sam chuckles.
"We can get breakfast on the way." She tells him, and both of them nod. "Are you sure you're okay, Sam?" She knows something's up, but Sam is trying to play it off.
"I just had a really weird dream." Sam says, and Y/N nods. "And Y/N, don't ever leave the hotel without your gun again. Ever." He says, and Y/N furrows her brow.
"We're literally going to parking lot." She says, but Sam shakes his head.
"Trust me, don't do." He picks up his bag, and Y/N shrugs, grabbing her gun out of her personal bag before following Dean out, Sam bringing up the rear.
"I really hope this is happening." Sam says as he looks at the bed that he woke up in over a hundred times, then closes the door.
//
tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover @king-of-milf-lovers @lyarr24
#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester imagine#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader rewrite#supernatural rewrite#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural imagine
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A TALE OF FAME
pairing ꪆৎ charles leclerc x ahaana patel ᥫ᭡. f1 driver x bollywood actress au
chapter ꪆৎ 3
summary ꪆৎ she's everything, and he just drives.
note ꪆৎ no hate to any characters used in the story, none of what i write reflects on how they actually are. all my love, happy reading.
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Charles Leclerc sat in his hotel suite, fingers drumming impatiently against the glass of whiskey in his hand. He wasn’t even drinking it—just swirling the amber liquid in the dim light of his room, as if the motion itself could steady his thoughts.
Alex was late. Of course, she was. She had a way of dragging things out, prolonging the inevitable, believing that if she held on long enough, reality would bend to her will.
He heard the sharp knock at his door and exhaled slowly before getting up to open it. Alex stood there, all too put together—her blonde hair in effortless waves, her lips curved in a knowing smirk, like she already thought she’d won whatever game she was playing.
“Chéri,” she purred, stepping past him without waiting for an invitation. “Miss me?”
Charles shut the door and ran a hand through his hair. “Sit down, Alex.”
She turned, arching a perfectly sculpted brow. “Oh? We’re being serious now?” She strolled over to the couch, sitting with the grace of someone who still thought they held all the cards.
Charles didn’t sit. He remained standing, arms crossed, his jaw tight. “I told you this was over.”
Alex let out a soft laugh, tilting her head as she crossed her legs. “And yet, you called me here. Mixed signals, don’t you think?”
“I called you here,” Charles said, voice measured, “because you don’t seem to get it. We are done, Alex. Finished.”
Her smile didn’t waver, but something flickered in her eyes. “Are we?” she said smoothly. “Because I keep hearing your name next to mine. The media still calls me your girlfriend. You haven’t exactly rushed to correct them.”
Charles clenched his fists. “I shouldn’t have to. We broke up. You just refuse to accept it.”
She leaned forward, resting her chin in her palm. “Or maybe you’re just confused. Maybe this—whatever this little tantrum is—will pass, and you’ll realize that I am the only woman who truly understands you.”
Charles let out a humorless laugh, shaking his head. “Tantrum? You think I’m throwing a tantrum? Alex, I am exhausted.”
Her smirk faltered slightly, but she masked it quickly. “Exhausted of what?”
“Of you!” His voice rose, exasperation lacing every word. “Of the mind games. Of the manipulation. Of the constant need to control everything, including me.” He pointed at her. “You think if you show up enough times, if you insert yourself into my life over and over, I’ll just—what? Change my mind?”
Alex’s eyes darkened. “I wouldn’t have to insert myself into your life if certain people weren’t trying to replace me.”
Charles exhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And here we go.”
She stood, arms folding as she stepped closer to him. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, Charles. That little actress you’ve been parading around—Ahaana.”
Charles’s eyes snapped to hers, his posture stiffening. “Ahaana has nothing to do with this.”
Alex scoffed. “Please. You think I don’t see the way you looked at her that day?” She stepped closer, voice dripping with venom. “She is nothing. She’s a novelty. A shiny new toy for you to play with. And once the excitement fades, you’ll realize what I’ve always known—you and I are inevitable.”
Charles’s jaw clenched so tightly it hurt. “You are delusional, Alex. And actually fucking crazy if you think that Ahaana has anything to do with this.”
Her lips curled. “Am I?”
“Yes,” he snapped, stepping forward, closing the space between them. “I have never—never—been more certain about anything in my life. We are over. I am breaking up with you. I don’t love you. I don’t even like you.”
She inhaled sharply, but before she could speak, Charles continued.
“You want to know why? Because I see you now. For who you really are. You’re not the woman I fell for—you’re a version of her, twisted and bitter, clinging onto something that doesn’t exist anymore.” He exhaled harshly. “You’re right about one thing. I do look at Ahaana differently. Because she isn’t like you.”
Alex’s face twisted, her hands curling into fists. “She will never be me.”
“Thank God for that.”
The silence between them was thick, charged with something dangerously close to hatred. Charles had never wanted to hate Alex—had never even imagined he could—but looking at her now, seeing the pure, unfiltered malice in her eyes, he realized he might be close.
She straightened, lifting her chin. “You’ll regret this.”
“No,” he said quietly. “I won’t.”
She stared at him, something almost desperate flickering across her features, before she masked it with indifference. “Fine,” she said. “Have it your way.”
Charles said nothing. He just watched as she turned, her heels clicking against the floor as she stormed toward the door. But before she left, she paused, glancing back over her shoulder.
“This isn’t over,” she said, voice eerily calm.
And then, she was gone.
Charles stood there for a long moment, his heart pounding, his fists clenched so tightly his nails dug into his palms.
But then he exhaled, shaking his head, as if shedding the last remnants of whatever hold Alex had on him.
For the first time in a long time, he felt free.
Meanwhile not too far away,the hotel room was bathed in soft hues of twilight, the warm amber glow of the setting sun spilling through the sheer curtains. Ahaana sat curled up in a chair by the window, her phone resting idly on the armrest. Her fingers absentmindedly traced the rim of a coffee mug, long gone cold. The day had been uneventful, yet her mind was anything but still. The ghosts of the past lingered in the shadows, whispering doubts, tugging at old wounds she had worked so hard to forget.
India.
Film city.
Even the thought of it sent a strange chill through her veins. It wasn’t fear—not exactly. It was the weight of something unfinished, something unresolved, lurking in the corners of her memory. The industry that had once been her playground had also turned its back on her when she had needed it the most. And yet, here she was, being offered a way back in.
What the fuck is happening? She sighed to herself, rubbing her temple.
The phone buzzed suddenly, pulling her out of her thoughts. She glanced at the screen, expecting yet another half-hearted PR email or a message from her manager. But instead, a name lit up the display, and for the first time that day, she felt something shift inside her.
Varun Dhawan.
She hesitated for only a second before answering. “Hello?”
“Finally! Madam has answered my call.” His voice was light, teasing, filled with the familiar warmth that had always made her feel like home.
Ahaana huffed out a small laugh. “Hi, Varun.”
“Hi, she says. That’s all I get? After ignoring me for days?”
“I haven’t been ignoring you.”
“Really? Because Karan and I were starting to think you had developed some severe phone phobia. Should we be concerned?”
She rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress the small smile tugging at her lips. “You’re being dramatic.”
“Dramatic? Me? Never.” His tone dropped slightly, losing some of its playful edge. “Ahaana, you know why I’m calling.”
Her smile faltered. Of course, she did.
“You and Karan are relentless,” she muttered, leaning back against the chair.
“Because we believe in you,” he countered immediately. “And because we know you still love this. Don’t pretend you don’t.”
She exhaled slowly, staring out at the dimming sky. “It’s not that simple, Varun.”
“Yes, it is.” His voice softened. “You were born for this, Ahaana. And you know it. Whatever happened before—”
She stiffened slightly. “Let’s not talk about that.”
There was a pause, as if he was choosing his next words carefully. Then, he sighed. “Fine. But don’t let the past dictate your future. You’re not that person anymore.”
She wanted to believe that. She really did.
“You don’t have to do this alone, you know. And we’re still your people, Ahaana.”
She closed her eyes for a moment. She had spent so long pushing everything away, convincing herself that she didn’t need anyone, that she had forgotten what it felt like to have people who cared. People who wanted her back.
Then, before she could respond, another voice chimed in from the background. “Has she said yes yet?”
Karan Johar.
Ahaana let out a small laugh despite herself. “Karan, are you eavesdropping?”
“I don’t eavesdrop. I supervise.”
Varun snorted. “He’s been pacing for the past ten minutes, by the way. I think he might actually combust if you say no.”
Karan’s voice came through again, a touch more serious this time. “Darling, you’re a star. Stop dimming your own light.”
Ahaana stared at the city skyline, a myriad of thoughts swirling inside her. But for the first time in a long time, the hesitation didn’t feel quite as heavy. Maybe Varun was right. Maybe Karan was right. Maybe it was time to stop running.
She inhaled deeply, a quiet moment of clarity settling over her. Then, she spoke.
“Okay.”
A beat of silence. Then Varun whooped so loudly she had to pull the phone away from her ear. “YES! Ladies and gentlemen, she’s back!”
Karan’s relieved sigh came through the speaker. “Finally. I was this close to staging a full intervention.”
Ahaana laughed, shaking her head. “You two are impossible.”
“And you love us for it,” Varun quipped.
She did. More than she cared to admit.
And maybe, just maybe, it was time to come home.
The gang had game nights far too often then they'd like to admit, Max and Kelly were ofcourse there, Ahaana was there, Carlos and Rebecca joined, Lando somehow always inserted himself in even though everytime he cheated and got himself uninvited. Even Alex Albon and Lily joined them from time to time, but couldn't make it this time and Charles was with them for the first time ever.
The night was young, but the energy in the room felt like the start of a Grand Prix itself—fast, loud, and filled with the potential for absolute disaster. The gang had gathered in Max’s hotel suite for a game night, and true to form, it had already descended into chaos.
“I’m telling you, Lando cheats,” Ahaana declared, pointing an accusatory finger at him as he smirked from his spot on the couch. “There is no way you won that round fairly.”
Lando, lounging back with all the ease of someone who had just scammed his way into victory, dramatically placed a hand on his chest. “How dare you? I am an honest man.”
“Honest, my foot,” Kelly interjected, shaking her head. “Even Charles saw it, didn’t you?”
Charles, who had been uncharacteristically quiet for the past few minutes, blinked. “Huh?”
“See? He wasn’t even paying attention,” Lando scoffed. “Probably too busy thinking about how free he is now that he’s finally dumped his psychotic ex.”
That got everyone’s attention.
Rebecca, who had been stacking poker chips, froze mid-motion. Max, who had been snickering at Lando’s misfortune, raised a brow. Ahaana, who had been preoccupied trying to figure out how Lando had managed to win five rounds in a row, looked up.
“You finally did it?” Carlos leaned forward, grinning. “You actually told Alex to get lost?”
Charles exhaled heavily, running a hand through his hair. “It was not exactly smooth.”
“Of course, it wasn’t,” Max said. “She’s like an overly attached leech.”
Kelly winced. “Oof. Harsh, but fair.”
“I don’t even want to know the details,” Lando said, tossing a handful of popcorn into his mouth. “Actually, no. I do. Tell us. In detail.”
Charles groaned. “Why are you all like this?”
“Because this is the most entertainment we’ve had all season,” Rebecca quipped. “Now spill.”
Charles rolled his eyes, but he recounted the story of his final conversation with Alex. The room responded accordingly—with gasps, laughter, and a few muttered curses aimed at Alex’s name. When he finished, Ahaana just shook her head, unimpressed.
“She’s delusional,” she said simply. “Absolutely delusional.”
“I would’ve paid money to see her reaction when you told her it was over,” Max admitted, grinning.
Charles smirked. “It was… satisfying.”
“Okay, enough about the she-devil,” Lando said, stretching. “Let’s get back to the game before Ahaana starts accusing me of cheating again.”
“You do cheat,” she said without hesitation.
“I do not—”
“Lando, you have a history of cheating at literally every game we’ve ever played,” Max said, unimpressed.
“I prefer to think of it as strategic improvisation.”
“Strategic bullshit,” Rebecca muttered.
The next hour was filled with absolute mayhem. There was yelling. There was a near-brawl between Carlos and Lando over an Uno reverse card. At some point, Kelly got so frustrated she threw a playing card at Max’s head, which only made him laugh harder. Charles, for the most part, found himself entertained just watching it all unfold.
Ahaana, in particular, seemed to come alive in the chaos. Her laughter was light, effortless, and every time she rolled her eyes at Lando or tossed a witty remark at Max, Charles found himself watching her just a little too long.
“Alright, alright,” Ahaana said, throwing her hands up in surrender after another brutal loss. “I need a break before I throw Lando out the window.”
“Jokes on you,” Lando said. “I’d land gracefully.” To which Max snorted.
Ahaana got up and stretched, and that’s when she casually dropped, “Oh, by the way, I officially start shooting for Jigra in 17 days.”
The room went silent.
“What?” Max was the first to react, blinking.
“You’re actually going back?” Lando added.
Rebecca gasped. “Finally! You’re returning to the big screen!”
Ahaana smiled, a little softer this time. “Yeah. It’s time.”
There was a beat of silence before Max, ever the older brother figure, crossed his arms. “Are you sure?”
She looked at him, understanding the weight behind his question. “I am.”
Max studied her for a long moment, then exhaled. “Alright. If anyone gives you trouble—”
“I know, I know.” She grinned. “I’ll call my attack dog Verstappen.”
He smirked. “Damn right.”
After a long round of jenga and then stuffing their faces in food, the last slice of pizza appeared on the table, and the room instantly went silent, all eyes locked on it.
Ahaana leaned forward, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. “Well, look who’s in the spotlight now.”
Carlos didn’t miss a beat. “I’ve been eyeing that slice for the last ten minutes.”
“Oh, please,” Ahaana shot back. “You just noticed it now because it’s the last one.”
Lando raised an eyebrow. “You’re really gonna fight over pizza? This is an all-time low, even for you.”
“Shut up, Lando,” Carlos grumbled. “It’s mine.”
Max chuckled from the side. “This is gonna be good.”
Ahaana picked up the slice like it was some sort of prized possession. “I’m just saying, I’ve had a long day. So I think I’m entitled to this.”
Carlos shot up from his seat, but Ahaana held the slice just out of reach, her smirk widening. “Nice try.”
Max shook his head, watching the two of them. “This is the dumbest thing I’ve seen all week.”
Ahaana, sensing victory, took a deliberate bite of the pizza. “Too slow, boys.”
Lando leaned back, popping a piece of popcorn into his mouth. “Well, that was anticlimactic.”
Later that night, after the raucous energy had settled slightly, Charles found himself watching Ahaana from across the room. She was laughing at something Lando had said, her head thrown back, eyes crinkled in amusement. The dim lighting softened her features, casting warm shadows over her skin, making her look almost ethereal.
He didn’t know when it started, this quiet admiration of her. Maybe it was when she first walked into his life with that effortless confidence, like she belonged in every room she entered. Maybe it was when he realized she wasn’t just sharp-tongued but also deeply, frustratingly kind. Or maybe it was moments like this, when she wasn’t doing anything extraordinary—just laughing, existing—and yet, she managed to pull his entire attention like a force of gravity.
There was something in the way she carried herself—unapologetic, bold, yet with an underlying grace that was hard to ignore. She was an enigma, a storm and a lull all at once. And he was starting to realize he liked that about her. A little too much.
“Are you staring at Ahaana?”
Charles nearly choked on his drink. He turned sharply to see Max smirking at him, amusement flickering in his eyes.
“No,” he denied, a little too quickly.
Max hummed, unconvinced. “Sure. And I’m a level headed person when angered.”
Charles groaned. “Can you not?”
Max chuckled, clapping him on the shoulder. “Oh no, mate. I definitely can.”
Across the room, Ahaana caught his gaze, a small, soft smile playing on her lips. Charles smiled back but quickly looked away because he was scared his blush would be way too evident, but the warmth on his face lingered and Ahaana caught it anyway, chuckling a bit at the very handsome man, which Charles heard.
Yeah. He was in trouble.
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ᝰ.ᐟ third part! hope you guys like it!
next
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tags @seonghwaexile @bookishprophecy @justadesirebel @peterholland04 @bakingpiastries @ricciardosheart @mikefaistgf @sp1rl @charlesgirl16 @leila-030304 @uhcalli @blahblechblah @phobiccneel
comment to be added to taglist
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© weekendlusting
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#max verstappen#alia bhatt#charles leclerc smau#charles leclerc x y/n#charles leclerc fluff#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc#charles leclerc smut#varun dhawan#lando norris#kelly piquet#sergio perez#george russell#lewis hamilton#carlos sainz#arthur leclerc#ollie bearman#franco colapinto#kiara advani#sidharth malhotra#karan johar#bollywood#ferrari#vicky kaushal#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#pierre gasly
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YANDERE!RAN & AN S/O IN LOVE WITH HIS YOUNGER BROTHER
this one is so diff than what im used to we usually do the reverse. but i do think it would drive him crazy to be inferior to his younger brother in this one thing idk.
MINORS DNI WARNINGS: YANDERE BEHAVIOR, STALKING, DUBIOUS CONSENT, BREAKING AND ENTERING
Ran has always loved you despite you only being interested in his younger brother. Truth be told the moment he saw you he knew he wanted you. And Rindou's oblivious ass was too focused on Ran's shadow to see what he could have with you.
He'd tried to be lowkey, just teasing and slightly flirting here and there only to be rejected in favor of his brother, whom was probably off trying to pick a fight or drink his damn sorrows away.
Then the elder Haitani got more obvious. More malicious. He'd cornered you one night, and despite something being off about him you were already prepared to brush him off like always when suddenly, "I bet Rindou is soooo big. He'd probably break me in two~" Ran mocks, reciting words taken from your journal.
"When did you-" "You never check the locks sweet girl. Which reminds me," "R-ran! Stop, please don't-" but no amount of begging has him stopping from repeating exactly what you had written
"I fantasize about Rindou breaking into my room and using me however he wants. Sometimes, I leave my bedroom window unlocked hoping he'll climb in and take me."
Tears well up in your eyes and you're not really sure what to do, shame and anger flare up in an ugly mix. There's a ringing in your ears and tightening in your stomach that makes it hard to breath.
"Shhh~," Ran soothes, wrapping his arms around you and you for once relenting to his touches. You feel his whole body shudder against yours and bile is rising to the back of your throat. "I promise I only watched you sleep baby. The only thing I touched was myself."
It paints such a lewd image, something that you'd fantasized about seeing or even letting happen to you. Albeit, not with this Haitani brother.
He breaths into your ear and just forces you closer to him, your body pressing against the firm line of his cock straining in his sweats. "And another thing, baby?" he licks at the pulse point beating rapidly at your neck, "I'm so much better than my baby brother. Bigger, meaner and ya, fuckin' crazier."
"Wh-what do you want, Ran?" you ask despite his hand traveling to the outline of your panties.
"You. All I ever wanted was you."
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Omen Post!!
the girly ever!! one of my favourite characters that ive made for fates twine!! probably the most drawn besides mara and jootrena (who i havent shown yet but holy shit im excited to i love her)
shes mara's little sister!! (for context mara is fates twines lamb) she wont be showing up for a bit, but im. so hyped for when she does.
i took all the drawings ive ever done of her, put them on one canvas, and updated the designs to her most recent design!! (so if some of the poses seem a bit stiff, thats why. a lot of these are older doodles that i updated)
theres a bit too many drawings here to put them all down individually, BUT there was a fun accident that happened while i was trying to make this, and it looks kind of cool so i wanted to add it here
obviously i didnt fix all the gaps cuz i wasnt going for lineless, but i think it looks kind of pretty regardless
:D
#cotl#cult of the lamb#my art#cotl oc#glitchydoodles#cotl fanart#fatestwine#fatestwine spoilers#fatestwine omen#ik i said i was gonna render this#but holy shit#having to learn rendering from scratch is something im gonna have to do separately i think lmao#and i was just driving myself crazy trying to do it#so. yk
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OVERANALYSIS OF THE BURNING SPICE UPDATE TRAILER BECAUSE YOU KNOW I HAVE TO
we open up like this. pretty ominous words ... and you wonder which one is the demon and which is the god. burning spice and golden cheese seem to be very similar, possibly the most parallels that one could draw from the ancients and their respective beasts.
And then we get this shot. Obviously it's showing the soul jam, but there are also some things behind it. One resembles a snake ... APOPHIS ANYONE? this has THE most Egyptian mythology symbolism ever. if golden cheese represents ra, which makes one hundred percent sense considering her kingdom and wealth and radiance and all that, and the fact that she resembles a falcon, then the snake on this wall HAS to represent apophis. it can't not. heck, in some versions of the story apophis was A FORMER SUN GOD. like crk def knows what they're doing.
there's also this tiger character ... nutmeg tiger I'm pretty sure? something like that. they seem to be under the influence of burning spice, as well as all the creatures around them. they seem to be at a higher "position" than all these other guys, though. maybe a willing host?
and there is this. this is really interesting. the fact that Golden Cheese is the one to say this is very intriguing. as far as we knew, the ancients had no knowledge that the beasts even existed until pure vanilla's trip. he wrote the letter to dark cacao, and it was all "you won't believe this - but the place called BEAST-yeast has BEASTS in it!!!" and dark cacao was equally surprised. they didn't know. they thought they were the first ever wielders of the soul jam. but golden cheese ... seems to know a bit more than she lets on to the rest of the group. and a bit more than us. what the heck is the spice swarm?
also, the return (and release) of smoked cheese!! man I missed this guy. he seems to be working with golden cheese in this shot, but then what was his little deal at the end of the first teaser about? it does make sense, though, that he would try to at least be against burning spice - his entire goal is to get the soul jam because he thinks the current wielders aren't worthy - but to me it seems like he might have his own third side in this battle. he'll probably convince both sides he's working with them, knowing this dude. he wants the power of abundance and destruction, a second half he knew nothing about, the ability to make a change in the kingdoms and the lives of everyone in them.
and these two images are probably the most interesting of them all. they seem to be part of some sort of ancient papyrus or prophecy or something like that. golden cheese is yelling about the "great destroyer." could it be possible he was some sort of legend in their kingdom, a prophecy just waiting to unfold? could golden cheese have known about this threat since the beginning? could the beasts' corruption have been inevitable from the start, written in the stars ... and could the witches have known about it?
#im way too hyped for this update actually#if you couldn't tell#burning spice's ability to bring others under his influence is a CRAZY power tho. I thought that would be more of shadow milk's thing#but its kinda unclear HOW burning spice's power works.#and that nutmeg tiger or whatever their name is ... what's THEIR role in all this?#and this isn't even the entire trailer!!! I covered like four frames!!! THERE'S SO MUCH!!!#anyways super excited to pull burning spice first try as an f2p#hey look. I did it w/ wind archer. twice. I got mystic flour on my first 50. it's POSSIBLE.#buuuut if there's anything I want it's shadow milk.#anyways SUPER EXCITED FOR OCTOBER!!#“THE GREAT DESTROYER!!” whaaaat does that mean?#also one more thing: this doesn't seem to be taking place IN beast-yeast? it looks like we're just at the fallen gc kingdom#do we go there eventually? what's goin' on?#the fanartists will be going craaazy (including myself)#crk#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#beast yeast#burning spice cookie#smoked cheese cookie#golden cheese cookie#also that whole Egyptian mythology thing is INSANE. I love mythology it drives me nuts about everything when im able to make a connection.
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RealAgeAU Drabble - Reminiscene
Hello everyone :3
You all know what time it is!! I think... It is time for another Dream drabble :3 @spotaus I know how much you like having dream be put through the ringer :33
First drabble Prev drabble Next drabble
Not much to say this time. You guys ready?
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All things considered? Dream had been doing okay lately.
The worst part was that he wasn't sure if he felt good or bad about it.
At least Core didn't call him every 5 minutes anymore. Seems like the outcode child finally accepted that Dream had changed. That Dream had moved on.
Hah.
If only they knew how little he had actually moved on.
Dream stands in the greyed out forest. Waiting and listening. Not even a slight breeze. No sound.
A dead AU.
He used to blame Nightmare for that, for killing their AU.
Nowadays?
Dream figures it was just the end of their AU.
Dream leans against a tree and sighs. He tries to reach out but no sounds.
On his solo trips and, as Blue liked to call them, self discovery trips. Dream had learned he could speak to trees. Though maybe calling it speaking was a bit generous.
The trees didn't use words. Just sounds and whistles and whispers that could almost have been words. Dream had still been able to understand however. He just had to listen.
Seems like that was a theme for him. He just had to listen to be able to understand.
Even so, he takes a deep breath and leaves the forest and walks towards a familiar hill.
He kept returning here. Dream wants to say he doesn't know why and that it is just his home calling back for him.
He knows the truth.
He stops by the old cut down stump and focusses on the two familiar graves.
Seems like he hadn't been the only one visiting. There are once again fresh flowers. All beautifull yellows and orange coloured this time.
Dream smiles as he sits by the graves and gently touches the flowers. Part of his soul grieves at the two graves, once of which is meant for him. But another part of his soul sings in joy.
Because there is only one monster who could have made these graves and left these flowers.
Dream chuckles as he glances at the stump "Nighty came by... didn't he?"
No answer of course. Nim has died a long time ago. Even so Dream leans back against the stump as he keeps looking at the graves, most of his focus is on his own.
Dream keeps staring at the graves as he speaks "I know you won't answer me... with you being gone.. But... I want to at least think you are listening to me. Just this once."
Nim never listened to him. Neither to Nighty. They just had to listen to her.
Look at where that lead them.
Dream watches over the grey fields and the village in the distance. "Had you already decided near the start? Which one of us you would love and which one you wouldn't?"
No answer but Dream didn't mind. He watches the village in the distance. He can't help but wonder how often Nightmare would have had to do this alone. Keep watch alone.
"Or was it an in the moment decision? Had there been a moment were you held both of us and loved us both? Or had you decided the moment Nightmare formed that you would hate him?"
How often Dream would rush off, ignoring the quiet pleas to stay wiht Nightmare.
"I think you decided from the start. Why else would you give him the name you did? Say the only thing that matters about him is how he was different from me."
Would he have seen those angry people coming? With weapons? Had Nightmare been afraid? Wondering where Dream had been? Why Dream hadn't stopped them?
"It has to be the reason. Why else would you tell me to make friends with the villagers and help them? While telling Nightmare to stay put and send them away? You must have known. Known that by making me help them and by making Nightmare deny them that they would grow angry with him."
How often had Nightmare believed Dream had abandoned him? Only for him to end up mortally injured?
"You don't deserve the grave he made." Not that Dream thinks he truly deserves one himself. Even if he returns each time to see if new flowers are left for him.
Dream once again wonders if he should leave a message for the next time Nighty visits... Just something that he wishes to talk.
But then that ever present fear returns. What if it meant Nightmare wouldn't visit this place anymore instead of answering? What if he decided it was better to completely cut their past lose from him instead?
Dream hugs his legs as he tries to remember how colourful everything had been. How beautiful it had been.
But... Dream now realises that it had just been a prison of responsibility... For both him and his brother.
A golden cage... but still a cage.
Drema snorts as he nudges Nim's grave "Yet here you are! immortalised by a grave your son made you! You know. That same son you aparently never liekd or wanted? That son made you a grave and keeps said grave clean and brings you flowers. I bet you wouldn't even be thankful for it."
Dream knocks the stump with his fist "After all! How often did you tell me that I should focus on myself? How i should focus on making the villagers like me? How i shouldn't bother to wait for Nighty to return from the river?" Nim had been trying to seperate them from the start. A dream had never realised.
Dream sighs as he hugs his legs "We were children. Little babybones and you gave us adult responsibilities...." They should have just ran. the two of them should have just disappeared into the forest.
Nighty had asked him a few times if they couldn't just leave together.
Dream should have realised something was seriously wrong. Nighty had been the one who took their jobs so seriously.
But... Dream had just said he didn't want to leave his friends in the village behind.
"I wish i could turn back time... get a redo... I would stay by Nightmare's side. I would convince him that the job you gave us wasn't our job."
Dream wonders why Nightmare had been so set on doing their job so well... Dream has ideas but none of them are happy reasons.
"What... waht did you tell him? That made him desperate to do this job well?" Which lies had Nim told Nightmare in Dream's absence...?
Dream hugs his legs "Why did you never bother to tell me?" Dream grows angry as he huffs "Why did you never bother to tell me the same? Or tell me when Nighty was near? Or tell nighty when I was near? What was it you were trying so hard to protect?!"
A memory. from so long long ago. It had been raining and Nightmare hadn't been around. Ligthning had been flashing and Dream had been so afraid. His mother had help him within her branches. protected him. reassured him he would be safe. told him...
told him that Dream just had to protect himself. protect the hope he represented...
Dream laughs as he kicks the grave of his mother. glaring at it angerly "Was it worth it?! Was it worth killing one of your sons to protect the other?! Was it worth being the cause of all this pain and suffering we both had to go through?!" Dream shakes his skull as he gets up "Nevermind. You are never going to give me answers... and honestly. I am tired of you being a part of my life in anyway. I hope you rot whereever you are now." and he walks back to the forest.
It is silent and he prefers it like that. Things had been loud and hectic.
And well...
Maybe just maybe... He had done the same as Nightamre had done.
He gets to the forest lake and immediantly spots the tiny grave.
Well not grave. Dream shies away from that word. Nightmare is very much alive after all. It is more like a memorial... Wait those can be made for living people right? drema thinks so.
It was nice. It gave him a safe place to grieve and talk about everything. to imagine Nightmare across from him and listening to him. Like old times.
Dream figures that is why his own grave nad Nim's are still up. Dream knows Nightmare has to come by to take care of both graves and Dream snorts as he imagines Nightmare just telling the two graves in all the things they had been wrong in and all the stupid lies they believed.
For now he sits down and pulls out a few little knick-knacks he had collected form across the multiverse.
Dream keeps his voice quiet. Afraid someone will hear and come ruin it "Hey little brother..." he can't forget anymore that Nightmare had been his younger twin. Yet it had always been Nightmare who took care of him. "I am back..."
finally back.
Dream traces the stone and wood structure he had made. all still in perfect condition. With the AU being dead there was no more decay.
Dream organises everything he had left before sitting across from it "Sorry it took me a while. I had a.... I had an identity crisis." he snorts "I know. ironic isn't it? Everyone was always so quick to help and guide me to be what i should be yet it helped nothing. I still ended up unsure about who i was or what i had to do..."
he looks at the snowglobe he had put down "I was always jealous of how you just seemed to have it all figured out. How you were confident in what you did. Both before and after the apples. it felt like i was failing, and i guess in the end i did fail as everything i believed had been a lie..."
Dream sighs as he leans his cheek on his knee as he keeps looking at the structure "It is stupid... I had all the help in the world, and then even the multiverse. and yet still i didn't figure it out. I still didn't figure out i was a god of balance over positivity. I still didn't figure out i was doing more harm than good..."
Dream traces the grey grass under him "I was so against picking a domain Nighty... partly because i didn't want to pick something and get you stuck with something you would be hated for. Not again... but that wasn't all."
Dream hugs his legs and confesses what had been weighing him down "I was afraid of picking wrong. No, I am afraid of picking soemthing wrong. That i will pick something and once again not understand it... How did you do it Nightmare? How did you figure out what you were suposed to do? You didn't have help yet you understood...."
Drema chuckles and rubs his cheek "Not that it matters anymore. aparently i did already pick... Reaper confirmed it for me not too long ago... a god of progress. What the hell does that even mean? What does it mean i should do? I know i aparently helped blue by inspiring him to get out of that loop but still! That was on accident! what if i once again go to far?! what if i..." he hides his face "What if i mess up again?"
Guilt and Dream chuckles "Here i go again... whining about my trouble... I don't even know what my choice and pick do you... what is even the oposite of progress?! regression? Did i make it so you are stuck with like... reset stuff?!" he sighs as he rubs his cheek and rubs the tears away "This shit is so unfair... neither of us ever asked for this. We never wanted this and no one tried to help us before yet expected us to just know."
Dream stares at the memorial. no answers of course but he does feel better after speaking about his worries.
Dream chuckles as he pats the memorial gently "But.... that wasn't why i am here. As you know... today is a special day!" he turns to his pack and pulls out a bottle. it is champagne. and a few cupcakes. he lays the cupcakes between him and the structure before putting a candle on both cupcakes and lighting them.
Dream smiles as he opens the bottle and holds it up to the grave "It is our birthday!"
Dream rubs his neck "I know it must seem weird. after all! For the last i don't even know how many years i had so many people to celebrate with and so many powers and even before that it were the villagers but... well..."
his voice grows softer and softer "I miss when it was just us. After we collected berries and fresh fruits. when we would sneak off together and sit by the river to eat the fruits together and give each other small gifts..." he pulls a small wooden statue from his pack.
Dream looks at it and rubs the wood. He had spend weeks on it. an old familiar skill now unfamiliar and feeling alien in his hands. he managed to make a small owl at least. even if one eye was clearly bigger than the other and Dream now had more splinters in his hands then ever before, even more than he first started.
He places it carefully in front of the memorial "I know it... it isn't my best work... I am going to be honest, it is porbably my worst..." he just hadn't had time to try again. He tried so many times but none of them have looked right and as time went by it just kept getting worse and suddenly he didn't have time anymore.
Dream chuckles "It sucks that i.... i didn't keep up with the hobby... I hope you kept reading at least... that you had the chance to keep reading... your picture and castle seemed to reinforce this at least... there were so many books in there! and the picture of you reading..." he rubs his arm as he keeps sitting right there "I am sorry... that you felt like he had to leave and run from your home... again..." he glances down adn chuckles "look at me... rambling... lets blow out the candles okay? I will blow out both. Don't forget to make a wish."
Drema leans down and blows out the candles on both cupcakes before putting his hands together and making his wish.
A silent whisper in his mind.
please.
please.
Just give him the chance to meet Nightmare again.
To talk to him one more time.
If only once to tell him he is sorry and that Dream loves him.
Dream opens his sockets and smiles at the grave, ignoring the tears that are leaving his sockets "Did you make a wish nightmare? Remember. No telling! otherwise it wont come true!"
Dream takes the two cupcakes and eats both before opening the champagne bottle and drinking straight from it. He isn't a fan of stuff like this but champagne is suposed to be for celebrations and well... celebrating himself and his twin seems like a good reason.
He spends his afternoon like that. just being in his old AU thinking back.
Fitting. a god of progress... stuck thinking about the past.
Dream chuckles and sighs "Blue said it is fine you know? To take time and get used to everything... I just hope... that you are doing the same... taking your time to rest after everything. I can only imagine how exhausting it would ahve been to have to do everything you did while everyone was actively working against you..." he smiles up "Good news for that though! I managed to visit pretty much everyone who knew either of us personally or about us! And i managed to explain the situation! so.. hopefully... whever you are or are planning on going, people will let you be and do your thing..."
Dream smiles at the memorial with the raised bottle "to us. to the future... and... I miss you... I am sorry i didn't make it obvious how much you mean to me..."
That had to be the reason why Nightmare hadn't searched him out yet... because he beleived that Dream hated him.
And that is on Dream. On dream for not doing a good job as brother and making it obvious that he loved his twin.
Dream hums as he leans against the stone structure "I love you nighty. And I promise you, I will make it up to you once we meet again."
Maybe that is why he is the god of progress. Because he is willing to move forwards and make it up. progress towards a new future.
Dream blinks and laughs "I bet you would have heard my title and figured it out immediantly." he giggles as he leans against the stone "Happy birthday Nightmare."
Happy birthday to me.
Dream sips the expensive bottle and enjoys the peace and silence.
*-------------------------*
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#utmv#realageau#dream sans#dreamtale dream#Only dream today!#And he is thinking and remembering!#Still no edits or betas. just me letting dream ramble and think and feel what he feels#also! Look at that!#Dream knows what his domain is!#it is progression!#Dream will figure out what he wants with that later.#ironically dream is very stuck in the past#but just because he remembers the past doesn't mean he can't move forwards#How can you move forwards after all. if you are unwilling to learn from the past?#Dream just isn't feeling confident at the moment and he needs time. but he will figure it out!#Much like Nightmare uses restoration to help things return to a whole moment. to ENABLE them to heal.#(like making the mushroom tree return to a moment of being healthy so he could remove the thing doing harm)#Dream learns and uses the past. to help others learn and move forwards.#(like how blue learned from the resets nad moved forwards by changing and adapting)#Very much connected with the same overall goal but through different means <3#No baby in the drabble thought </3#Also yeah Dream sitll isn't aware that Nightmare is baby. which is gonna be QUITE the reveal... eventually :D#Euh. I think that is it for todays drabble lmao#It isn't perfect but euh they never are and i am not going ot drive myself crazy trying to make a drabble perfect ;P
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agh!!!!
#i always get so picky about detail right before I launch a project to the public#knowing DAMMMMMN well I will be really carefree about details later on#thats how it always goes for me#gotta make sure the initial impression is exactly how i want it#then i just let that carry me forever lol#and it usually works out just fine. but i still drive myself crazy before the first hours#feeling weird about it not being in a lineless style but i think it's for the best#because it takes so much longer when it's lineless#trying to learn to be less highstrung about perfecting my art and just letting it look how it ends up#you'll all get it. it'll be fine#morning rant sorry. probably obvious but im working on something to launch here soon. maybe today even#if i don't have anything else to do today + i can satisfy my picky mind in time
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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Since writing the affirmations and starting manifestation again, I've actually been in a much better headspace. It's crazy how things align, and you end up where you need to be, especially through pain
#txt#have been reading the affirmations every day twice a day sometimes#doing my intentions and manifesting what i wsnt#which is mainly independence#also a good relationship with my ex from here#mainly stuff for me tho#and the full moon on Wednesday which is in scorpio which is his sun sign#will be a big release and maybe i can let go a bit or a lot lol#i need to move on and focus on myself and what i want in life and doing it all on my own#with support obviously but ive never been fully independent and im so ready for the blessings and the open doors#i dont know if ill truly ever be over him but i have to try for my own sanity at this point#i dont want to manifest anything selfish like him coming back to me because it probably wont happen anyway lmao#i hope i dont sound crazy lmao but coming back into my spiritual journey is definitely what i need#connecting with myself and my purpose feels like the only thing i can do rn#have a driving lesson tomorrow but in all honesty i could just go do the test and pass cause ive been driving forever and im good at it#just need to practice certain things but im nearly there! so close i can feel it and see it#anyway i hope i can keep this energy up and continue to head in a positive direction because it feels really good#if i need to cry about him and the loss then i will but im not going to dwell on it too much#i just need to take it as a lesson and let it go :)#cause at the end of the day i really did lead myself here whether it was his choice to end it or not#blah
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i redesigned this shirt and now you can put it on your body
here it is, the final culmination of my fun cool graphic design project where i replace cities with 8balls!! If you want to follow along the process you can check out these posts: one, two, and three :D
if you are interested in wearing this as a shirt i made a teepublic! (edit for anyone who remembers this: the teepublic listing got dmca’d lol. however,) you can also download the files from google drive if you would like to print the design yourself
thanks for following along!! i have really had a lot of fun doing this (and just following 2our in general, the vibes were sweet) and i'm glad other people enjoyed it too :)
(better quality images under the cut <3)
#fob#fall out boy#so much for (2our) dust#2ourdust#so much for (tour) dust#tourdust#SORRY THIS IS THE LAST I'LL POST ABOUT THIS i feel like i'm getting annoying#but i am very proud of this tbh so. you will have to look at it#bees’ art#bees' graphic design adventure#again i think i don't love the idea of making money off what is essentially someone else's design so i will be donating any sales#to palestinian relief + evacuation crowdfunds#teepublic's profit margin isn't crazy so it won't be much#oh i also enabled posters so you can get a poster of it from the teepublic if you want#but again you can just print it via your preferred printing service. whichever suits#if you do print it yourself or buy smth please PLEASE show me that would be so cool. omg#also lmk if you want any other file types or versions and i can slap em up in the drive folder#i kept trying to find a website with a bigger print area for shirts bc the og has the design basically over the entire back#but this was the best i could do without making more work for myself than i can handle
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😀!!!!
#sorry i need to rant on here i’m going crazy aaaaaaaaaaaa#i’m moving to another city in october and i’ve been trying to figure out everything#bc im going from an apartment that i share with friends and a pretty decent room#to a very little room shared with people i don’t know#(well actually one of my best friends + someone i don’t know)#but figuring out what to do with every single one of my things is driving me crazy!!!#i’m trying to sell everything i don’t use anymore#and i’ve donated A TON of old clothes that i haven’t even thought about in years#i thought about hiring movers but i think is going to be too expensive for the amount of stuff i’m moving#cause it’s not that much#if i had a god damn drivers license i could just rent a car and move everything myself#BUT I CANT DRIVE#i’m gonna try to convince my friend to drive me there and i’ll pay for all the expenses#but idk if she’s gonna say yes so i’m AAAAA#anyways thank you and good nite
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i feel like i cant handle being alive
#idk why my thoughts have just been so so bad lately#i catastrophize about every little thing and try to think ahead and ways to fix the worst possible scenario and its driving me crazy#and i cant even stop myself from doing it bc on some level the thoughts im having are logical BUT IM JUST GETTING MYSELF WORKED UP#FOR NOTHING!!! literally earlier i was panicking about my job offer getting rescinded bc i asked for extra time to get a reference letter#and then i got called an hour later from the nice hr lady with her being like 'yea everythings fine :)'#and NOW im worrying bc my past boss hasnt replied to my text asking him to be a ref for me and im worried theyre gonna rescind my offer#bc i only have 2 out of 3 references#like literally worst case scenario is i apply for more jobs but AHHHHH#is there a word for this bc its absolutely driving me bonkers!!! why am i always Thinking
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and when i live on my own ill be able to decorate like real life decorate ive never gotten to do that in real life b4
#like im not barred from doing it Nd i do like. a little bit kind of but its like. Idk my entire life is a very transient thing and im rly#rly rly not used to being in one place for a long time so as a kid we never rly decorated ever#and like obv i wont be Owning a house or anything like that so itll still have to be moveable but i can like. but furniture that i like and#stuff... ive never gotten to do that b4 even in um. wa. i didnt rly get to do any of the decorating even when i was in the actual house bc#him and the roommates umm. did all that. Okay well now ive sort of freaked it by making myself think of that so im going to go stare#longingly at the floorplan i did#bc umm. well ideally id like to move into one of the apartments thats right across the way bc theres a couple of apt buildings like right#there 5 min walk tops and one of the places Has an open one but no floorplan#i wont be movjng out for ages i just wanted to look at floorplans yk#but like i said no floorplans BUT theres one a bit further away not rly walkable bc its umm#youd have to walk on the interstate and stuff and um. no sidewalk and everything but theeeeeeeeee thing had a floorplan#still very close by like 2 min drive but yk. but i still did my little mockup floorplan with that apartment instead#i want it to be closeby so everybody can come visit and so that i dont die and explode . i dont rly want to continue living in this town#4ever once km like Normal and have savings and ive got everything worked out i wanna maybe move to chicago or something since il is better#for the transgenderisms. + ive always wanted to try living in a big city at least once and i think itd be awesome#but thats Ages and ages away like maybe 5 years depending on how good i am. weeee will see if 5 years in the future is like on the table 4#me LOLLLL 24 year old connor seems rly crazy to imagine. but anyways....#but itll be nice to move out and still be in town bc then i can have the same job yk . and maybe ill know how to drive atp and i can like .#buy a car ..or something . if i do know how to drive#which i probably should since this town very car dependent and i dont want my mom to have to drive me to work esp if umm. i dont live with#them ... im just rly rly rly rly rly fucking scared of driving but i know also in my heart that when i do know how to drive the bond between#me and that car will be crazyyyy like. idk how many of you followed me last year but you may remember my insane bond with angel my cart from#work and there was a lot gokng on woth that <- was Very delusional at the time and i was convinced that she was a sentient thing and had the#power to make my life better or worse if i upset her so i said good morning and goodnight to her every single day so that i could have a#good day . looking back on it probably was something to be concerned abt but whatever.... she is still my best friend and i do miss her#deeply#her bathtub and heater were my besttt friends when i was in wa LOL. i was quite unwell#bathtub is still in my room tho yayyy. heater lives with lamp now and angel is of course at my old job....#bathtub currently is holding a project i gave up on. everyone say thank.you bathtub im looking at her right now
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Happy “panic attack at the thought of doing anything” season guys!!!🎉🎉🎉
#time change hits and BOOM everything is paralyzing and terrifying!!#it’s so fun!!#I’ll make sure I don’t push people away this year#that’ll make things worse#but UUUUUGH OMFG#Annoying#i feel very useless whenever I’m like this#and i constantly seek validation to prove to myself something i don’t know#I think I’m trying to prove that even like this I’m not completely useless#that people care even when im this pathetic#it’s annoying because I only started to feel better in like August?#getting broken up with definitely didn’t help but I hope this feeling doesn’t last that long again#bc it drives me crazy#yap yappity yap#I am so annoying!!! why do people like me!!! why can’t I just be normal!!! I wish I could be useful!!!#no one should look up to me or admire me like they do#I’m barely holding myself together why do people think highly of me#im pretty pathetic#but it’s fine I’ll be okay#there are people who love me a lot#even if I tell myself they shouldn’t they will love me anyway#things will be okay again. I don’t need to be strong I just need to push through#maybe there’s strength in that or maybe I’m just trying to make myself feel better#i just don’t know what to do with myself when doing anything brings that horrible weight on my chest#but I’ll persist. I always do and I will do so again
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i realize how little i have in common with my peers simply because im not constantly on tik tok/instagram/facebook 👴
#first i just dont get 80% of the references bc i simply dont engage with them/im not curious enough about them#second new people or those that i know cant go 15 minutes without scrolling on their phone or texting#the few friends who would let me stay at their house would always sit on their phone the entire evening not really engaging with me#or trying to engage with me by showing me something they found on their phone.... girl-#i broke up with my last partner bc they were chronically online and wouldnt go to sleep without at least 1 hour of phone time in bed#im mainly complaining about the bed time phone usage thing bc it used to drive me crazy as an insomniac#and considering how many people do it just makes me completely disinterested in sharing a bedroom with other people#i am old so that must be it tho#i barely use my phone that thing can last 4 days on one battery charge (it's a good battery but still) despite my occasional yt usage#i like in person talking and i just think people lost touch with their social side the last few years :(#and it's hard for me to feel like im having an engaging conversation with someone if they're constantly checking their phone#it makes me feel really lowly of myself it hits my self-esteem hard bc this behavior shows me im too boring to have their attention#even tho they were the one to invite me over/go out with me... bro.#personal#delete later
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ugh.
new year ✅
new me ❌
#from the bottom of my heart with ever fiber of my being#i hate that my mind always goes back to 🍊#it’s just not fair at all is it. and i feel so genuinely stupid#i don’t know i try to distract myself i try to remind myself how stupid even humoring the idea is#i can’t make my brain stop it though#i feel like i’m slowly going insane over this and the worst part is i KNOW how stupid it is#ougghghggh#lately i’ve been trying to remind myself that i did a similar thing with someone else#and when that was happening i was able to kind of reason with myself#and i was able to get over it quickly#but with 🍊….god it’s been almost two years now. TWO !!#how stupid..#like with the Other Person i knew how silly it was and i was able to talk myself down#and pretty quickly it was just like. not even a problem#but no matter what i do. this is different for some reason. and i hate it. i HATE it !#like my whole brain and body and spirit knows how ridiculous this is#but there’s this tiiiiinnnny little piece of me somewhere that keeps holding on with a death grip#i don’t even feel like it’s part of me. i don’t want to be like this! like it feels foreign!#cause i mean i don’t want to have suicidal thoughts either but they’re different even if they’re unwanted they’re still part of me u know#but this whole situation. it’s like. it feels like a ghost sometimes#idk. this doesn’t make sense. i can’t put it into words#but it’s driving me crazy. and i feel like crying!#snow.txt
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