#and i cant even stop myself from doing it bc on some level the thoughts im having are logical BUT IM JUST GETTING MYSELF WORKED UP

[skeletons-in-ur-closet]

i feel like i cant handle being alive

[petewentzisblack1312]

any beginners advice for flight rising?

the number one rule of flight rising is have fun and be yourself. the number two rule of flight rising is the economy is out to get you.

because of the way the loot tables work if youre low level in scavenging you seemingly have a much higher chance of getting unhatched eggs that way, just because there arent that many other things you can get at that level. they sell for a lot of either currency on the auction house so if you get one a good way to get money is to sell it. a lot of people, myself included, are quite sentimental and hatching unhatched eggs is fun bc its like a gacha but what constitutes a good pull is completely subjective. hatch or dont, do what you want.

that being said, if you hatch an unhatched egg and get a double, or if youre insanely lucky, a triple (that is a dragon with 2 or 3 of the same colours) because of how rare that is and how easy it is to make an aesthetically cohesive dragon with 2 or 3 of the colours being the same, theyre very very valuable. i once got a one off triple charcoal and sold it in an auction (different from the auction house) for 25kg. however. thats incredibly unlikely. if youre hatching unhatched eggs to make money off of what you hatch, you will make a loss. just sell the eggs. hatch eggs for the thrill of the chase.

people generally prefer unbred dragons, especially unbred g1s. however, you can breed your dragons if you want. i do! its your dragons, do what you want with them. itll tank the resale value but how sad would that be to have something that you love that you never really get to love because you might make money on it some day. breed any dragons you want if you want to. dont breed any if you dont. and i recommend not breeding anything you have as an investment.

maxing out your lucky streak in the fairgrounds every day is a solid way to make money. i used to do that when i was new, stopped, and started again when achievements were introduced. 75k treasure a day is really nothing to sneeze at. glimmer and gloom is the fastest but i know some people have trouble learning the algorithm or otherwise cant stand it. pick your poison!

the number one piece of advice i ever got in flight rising is to avoid any trades with crim worth more than 500 treasure. i would tack on 'unless its a battlestone other than one used for popular coliseum builds'. if shes offering more than 500 its probably apparel or something that you could sell on the auction house for more.

this really depends on what type of player you turn out to be, but i personally wish i thought a little harder about breeding my dragons. i take their ancestry into account in my lore but when i started i used my permas (dragons that you intend to keep) for fodder breeding and boy do i regret that. im attached to these dragons but they have a long list of offspring that are exalted. id say dragons you think are cool and dragons you want to breed should be a venn diagram that is almost two circular tangents unless youre sure you dont care. but also. lifes short. breed your progens 50gazillion times if you really want to. exalt them even. who give a fuck.

someone tricked a friend of mine this way so just so you know leveling to 25 is for dragons that you plan to grind with it is strategically not a good idea to level dragons to exalt to 25. ive already explained the value of doubles and triples so i dont think youll end up randomly exalting one of em.

if you can use the coliseum and you dont hate it i do recommend investing in a team to train fodder to exalt or to grind the coliseum and resell materials. one of the biggest flaws of fr is actually how dependent it currently is on the coliseum for gameplay. theres new gameplay in the pipeline. but its not imminent.

theres more. i cant think of it. keep asking questions if you want

[narryffdreaming]

I have read all of your stories and I love that you have main characters and not y/n / reader insert because it gives the story that much more depth because the characters are complex and I'm sure people still identify with the main character on some level because they feel so human. I was wondering how you come up with the characters? Are they based (character and appearance) on someone you know or your self or completely made up or? I'm truly fascinated

💘💘💘 cant thank you enough for asking about the characters!!! istg!!! i love this SO MUCH that i intentionally took a little to answer just so i could do it properly 💘💘💘

so, first of all, i just wanna say that i dont insist on creating main characters because i think they're better or anything like that, but because i dont know how to do it any other way. it is what makes sense to me, and it is the reason why i am so passionate about writing. ive studied theater/performing arts most of my life, so for YEARS i played around with watching people on the streets and imagining what their lives could be. i learned how to find motives for someone to do this or that, how to create at least some minimum of background story and how to plan a story with beginning, middle, and end. and i always loved that SO MUCH and was SO fascinated by it, that when i decided to stop pursuing a career as an actress, i also decided to get a psychology degree just so i could learn even more about how people think/act/react/feel + how that's all connected, etc.

and in the end, thats how i come up with characters. because its basically part of me now lol i do it naturally and i cant help it, and even if im doing one scene or writing just 300 words, I'll still need SOMETHING to base myself on (even if it's just the tiniest bit of information). maybe i won't share the main characters' names with anyone or mention anything about their lives, but i can promise you they more than definitely have a full name and past somewhere in my mind.

with that in mind, the way i come up with specific characters for my stories is completely different. i created maisy and harry from the prompt "we're not just friends and you fucking know it" and that was supposed to be really short. so i knew the names, and knew how their friendship started, and some details here and there, but didnt dig TOO MUCH into their past stories. cant even remember why i chose maisy as her name tbh lol however lia and harry was different, i first created harrys personality from this one picture of him that i was looking at one day, and then i created lia. and then, for a toast to the future, someone requested a one-shot based on harry in Italy and somehow i came up with aurora and everything else.

none of my characters are based on myself, tho. like, for me, creating characters and stories is supposed to be a distraction, kinda like "stepping out of who i am", yknow? so i cant write if im picturing myself or writing about my own flaws and traumas and things like that lol at the same timmmmeeee, we ALWAYS end up putting a little bit of ourselves into our writing (whoever says they aren't they are lying to themselves lol). i had a best friend who never admitted we were way more than friends, which was why i chose that prompt back in 2020. our story has NOTHING to do with maisy and harry for many many many reasons, but i didnt choose that prompt randomly. then lia... well, that was very cathartic to me and probably the most personal lol years ago i was dating a guy who told me "i should be more spontaneous" and i never realized how much it had bothered me and stuck with me until i based myself on that to create lia. i mean, im not like her in many many ways, but i wanted to create a character who struggled to speak up (i struggle to put my thoughts in order bc of my adhd, she struggles bc of her anxiety) and stand up for that character. she's not perfect and i know some people dont have too much patience for the way she behaves/thinks, but in the end i guess thats basically my point with the story? like people dont have too much patience, but thats on them. we shouldnt be trying so hard to change in order to please them or be more socially acceptable/welcomed.

ANYWAY... as you can see i could write HOURS AND HOURSSSSSSS about this. i didnt even get into Aurora bc thats a whole other long story that probably deserved its own answer lol but yeah, in the end, Lia's entire life was created so it makes sense that she is the way she is rn. same goes for harry!!! also didn't get into appearance and so many other things 😩 but i have to stop writing at some point which is RIGHT NOW!!!!!

🫂🫂🫂💘💘💘

[imnotreal-png]

>:) -- Entry 1

OK i just smoked a joint after i wrote the date and now im kinda chillin but imma still yap on dis hoe.

I am a loser. Like a huge loser, okay? Like im not dumb or wtv, i may have reached a weird and insane level of self awareness, but im just as much of a loser as anyone else.

I keep catching myself trying to people please and overstepping my boundaries and justifying it with "oh everyone else does it, so what, its normal" like ok dumb bitch that doesn't make it okay, get a grip.

But i will be yapping away abt alot of stupid bullshit i deal with and stupid things make me sad. I am very well aware that I am irrational, but these are things i feel in those moments that i always hold in because i don't want people 2 see that weak side of me. It's embarrassing and it's not me.

In truth, i have nooo idea what i'm doing. I have 0 clue on where i'll be in the future. I didn't think i'd make it this far and not on some suicidal shit (idk if u can say that word here, oops.), i just genuinely thought that i'd somehow perish?? Like i wasn't really real in some weird way. I just didn't exist. Even though i was always the center of drama or the cause of all things chaotic, i was always misunderstood. god that's so fucking cringe but hear me out.

I always said shit that i believed was clear enough to be understood and yet it wasn't. Even my tone apparently has been rude this entire time. But no one would actually tell me how i come off, they just ate it up in silence and then spaz on me. Even now i don't really understand because i truly believe i am very clear on what im saying. Yet it's still...not seen the way im trying to show it? Idk if im making any sense bruh but whatever. Maybe im narcissistic but no one understands my brain the way i attempt to express it...or i guess how i see it. Idk i guess im just frustrated that no one understands me or gets my brain.

Also it's super cringe when people tell me im mature for my age. Literally eat my shit. actual ick. get away from me.

I hate my mom. She hates me too but she hates me bc I'm not the pussy she wishes she was when she was my age. She's the most childish person i know. I genuinely do not care what she thinks of me whatsoever. She's just power hungry and immature. Actually, I don't even hate her, i just hate that she gets to have all this power over me. I just want my freedom, thats it. She can hate my lifestyle or whatever the fuck, as long as im not living with her. At the end of the day, im truly content with who i am as a person and my moral compass etc, she cant affect that. I just need to have my own space and leave her household to finally be free and actually experience life in a comfortable and more peaceful way. I guess that's all i can say rn. I just wish she would respect my boundaries and stop treating me like im her competition and she'll always be superior. She won't and i cannot wait for the day she finally see's that lol.

!! super irrational moment alert !!

LMAO this is super cringe but like when i started music i put "listen 2 my moozik" in my bio bc we say muzik in albanian but americans wud have 2 read it as moozik to get it right + its funny? Ever since i started rlly getting exposure and performing out there, all these NON SLAVS/BALKANS have started putting it in their bio's 🙄 like be fr, its sooo obvious (at least to me). And now some of these mfs i've interacted w startes stealing my lingo and the way i type [this isn't how i type when i txt friends. its worse and i shorten everything in a miserable way cuz its funny] and it's cute at first but now mfs on social media posting the way i do and talking the way i do. [insert side eye bc yeah] and it's kinda cringe cuz they're actually rlly shallow and mainstream people, they just look like they trying 2 hard to be quirky. lol.

im probably tweakin tho idk.

i wish i grew up with art. i wish my parents had that and were able to introduce it to me. I feel like a fraud when i try to be creative and do things. Even with making music. As much as i enjoy it and love it and it really does make me happy, it feels fake. I can't play any instruments, i can't sing, im far from a good writer, fuck if know anything abt music theory...i literally just click buttons and make sounds on my computer lol. I didn't grow up indulging in art and creativity, i was actually always super bad at it. I wish i had a deeper connection with it. I wish i understood it better. I wish i expressed it better. I wish my ideas were my own. I want to be able to create something that is truly mine without feeling like im a fake.

UHHHH so imma just come on here and vent whenever i feel like i have something i need 2 say. This is intended for the void, if u come across it...cringe.

[the-irken-pony]

👨‍🔧 gadgetgabe-unofficial Follow

Gadget Gabe here! Introducing the brand new BoneCruncher! This bad boy can instantly crunch ANY bone in your body! Just put it on your body and crrrrunch!

👨‍🔧 gadgetgabe-unofficial

Gadget Gabe here! I'm unsubscribing all of you from our newsletter you fucking freaks

( 430,245 notes )

🦠 jeffersonsmithsonianseyebrows

Not my coworker screaming top volume at an anomalous customer because her snow cloud made the room like 2 degrees colder I can’t wait to quit this fuckass job

⚫ angelecl--deactivated12032018

op a//no//ma//lo//us *nom*ly etc are slurs, they literally mean "oddity" or "abnormal person". the correct term is "person with ECL".

🦠 jeffersonsmithsonianseyebrows

My friend who self ids as anomalous said ECL was bad though? I don't know the details myself since I'm not one so if someone who is could clear it up I'd appreciate it

🎇 anomnomnomaly Follow

Ffs E/C/L IS A EUGENICS TERM. IT STANDS FOR “ELEVATED CHAOS LEVELS” AND IS SPECIFICALLY USED TO MAKE US SOUND DANGEROUS TO JUSTIFY OUR "CONTAINMENT".

🦓 speeeeeps Follow

wait isn't angelecl notorious for being aggressively anti-voluntarian?

🎇 anomnomnomaly

Yes they literally call voluntarians "voluntraitors" and even started a harassment campaign against a 16yo anomaly for posting voluntarian positivity so that tells you everything you need to know about them.

👾 crunched--icecream Follow

It's always anti-voluntarians saying this shit lmaooo

( 1,403 notes )

🥪 sold-to-sandwich-city Follow

walks up to the toppat clans secret base and they let me in because im wearing a tphat and theyre a bunch of dumbasses who cant tell the difference btwn an actual member and some rando wearing a tophat

🥪 sold-to-sandwich-city

fuck it if this gets 1000 notes ill try this to see if itll actually work

🥪 sold-to-sandwich-city

okay fuck guess were actually doing this. okay

🥪 sold-to-sandwich-city

holy sshit holy fukcign shit they actualy letm e in lmaoooo

🥪 sold-to-sandwich-city

everyone is armed i hope no one fucking shoots me

🥪 sold-to-sandwich-city

oh i picked a bad time to try this

🥪 sold-to-sandwich-city

IM IN OUTER FUCKING SPACE?????????????????

🥪 sold-to-sandwich-city

since you people dont believe me

🌚 smilingshooop Follow

OH MY GOD

🌞 dayshoop-nightdawhoop Follow

Always reblog

🧙‍♀️ anomalesbian Follow

op any updates????

🥪 sold-to-sandwich-city

yeah they found out i didnt belong there bc they did a role call of all their members and found out that i wasnt on the list so i explained that i snuck into the clan for an internet joke but a bunch of ppl said i was super helpful during the govt raid or w/e (yeah the govt tried to stop them (us?)) sothey let me go with just a warning not to leak any of their secret info online

also they gave me a business card to call them for help for being a good toppat even though im not a toppat

💎 returnthetunisiandiamond Follow

This was a wild ride from start to finish

🦓 speeeeeps Follow

op should change their url to sold-to-the-toppat-clan

( 304,673 notes )

🐱‍👤 stickpageofficial-deactivated01012020

Just realized I haven't heard about that Henry Stickmin guy in a while what happened to him

🔮 lsdfkfhsdklfhskfjh3820937 Follow

idk I thought the govt got to him or smth? didn't hear what happened after that but there's like four different rumors floating around and I haven't bothered to figure out which of them is true

🚛 tedddddd Follow

Wait is it Stickmin or Stickman? I could've sworn it was Stickman.

🖇 involuntarianyourwalls Follow

It's Henry StickmAn, StickmIn makes no sense lmao

🎠 slalami6 Follow

sorry I live under a rock who is henry stickman

🔮 lsdfkfhsdklfhskfjh3820937

Who isn't Henry Stickman

⚪ stickminheritage

Henry Stickman Heritage Post

( 17,402 notes )

👨‍🔧 gadgetgabe-unofficial Follow

Hey I just got an email from the actual Gadget Gabe telling me that if I didn't specify that I'm not actually associated with him he'd fuse me to a tree?? So uhhhhh url change?

👨‍🔧 gadgetgabe-unofficial

Idk man I think you can defend your brand integrity without turning people into fucking trees about it

💤 needanewjob Follow

Gadget Gabe isn't even an actual gadgeteer, he's a reviewer, also his products all suck ass anyways

🚛 tedddddd Follow

Yikes, and I was considering buying the Leafmöde he reviewed like two weeks ago. Guess I dodged a bullet.

( 5,892 notes)

💖 anomaly-affirmations

Here's to the anomalies that can body fuse

To the anomalies that can body fuse but have no one to fuse with

To the anomalies that can body fuse but don't want to

To the anomalies that body fuse only sometimes

To the anomalies that stay fused full time

To the anomalies that can't fuse because it's not safe

To the anomalies that body fuse casually

To the anomalies that body fuse as a form of intimacy

Body fusion is one of the most visible types of voluntary abilities but that doesn't make it bad! You aren't a "threat" to other anomalies, or anyone, just because you can fuse!

( 653 notes )

🌚 smilingshooop Follow

yaoi

🎧 comictoppat Follow

hi, toppat here, i showed this to my boss and he laughed so hard that his right hand man heard him from the other room and got concerned

🌚 smilingshooop

Toppat Clan-approved yaoi post

🌞 dayshoop-nightdawhoop Follow

Beautiful

( 8,240 notes )

🦠 jeffersonsmithsonianseyebrows

Thanks man I'll just put this with the rest of them who fucking cares anymore

🦓 speeeeeps Follow

op how in gods name are you still breathing

👬 tpptbisexual Follow

10 bucks says op is from Arizona

🦠 jeffersonsmithsonianseyebrows

What was your first hint

( 178 notes )

What do you think THSCverse tumblr would be like

[by-kilian]

It’s ur “💙” anon coming with part 2 bc she definitely can

Now you see i can’t send photos or gifs but I’ll link them nonetheless u can’t stop me. https://giphy.com/gifs/rihanna-OTbo92zetdsha

Again folks big spoiler alert.

Okay now yelena and levi’s first scene.. um.. why.. why is every possible character so hot dude like!!?!?!!?? I just can’t pick a side without making excuses for the others ughh

“My time in the military shaped me, you know?” She paused. “I had to take lives,” she said in a hushed voice. “Do you know what that’s like?” The switchblade grew heavier in Levi’s pocket. Then an air of understanding passed between him and Yelena in the silence. Levi dipped his hand into his pocket. “Yes.”

This scene… the tension.. i felt everything in every single part of my body istg KW i was screaming and jumping while chewing on my nails until i reached skin it was this good!! I really loved the way they just understood each other it was like “nothing personal, I’m doing my job.” There was an air of idk.. respect and kind of acceptance with a hint of challenge.. i loved it so much

Now back to My fallen angel and the stinky hairy stalkiest asshole in the universe..

Yes he’s a jerk, but a very cunning and nothing-near-stupid one.. he in-fact scared me at some point i gotta admit, because the way he connects the dots is.. wow

“You are already thinking of all the ways you can kill me because you will never be able to shed that part of you.”

“A million and one things raced through your mind, and you were ashamed that more than half of those things were trying to figure out how to kill Mathias. ”

NO BECAUSE I WHEEZED MY LUNGS OUT😭😭😭 https://giphy.com/gifs/PotatoITV-e4-coach-trip-celebrity-ghost-WiCahQsVaUjksEn7aT MY BABY PLANNED HIS MURDER IN 12928 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES😭😭😭 And as she should!!

Fast forward you see.. i should’ve knew things are going down when levi whispered “The die had been cast” i should’ve realized this but i didn’t and that’s why when mathias stabbed kilian i gasped out loud… i felt my heart breaking with her and you see it’s not for the fact that she was actually dying this bitch don’t die.. i mean because she was distracted by the thought of levi getting hurt and that was the meanest most heartbreaking thing I’ve read in a while.. and you know what’s the cherry on top? THINKING THAT SHE DOESNT DESERVE HAPPINESS.. imma kms that’s it..

You couldn’t speak, feeling nothing but pain and heat and heat and pain. It burnt through your body hot even as you felt yourself growing colder. You thought of Levi and tears welled in your eyes

Your description made me feel every single word istg>>>

And Of course i was a sobbing mess while I’m reading her crawling across the floor all bloodied to reach levi, and of course i cried myself to sleep when she reached him, and definitely i screamed in agony once you mentioned orpheus and eurydice again…

Oh and let’s not talk about once levi reached her because it’ll be my last straw..

Levi was never a religious man, but he understood religion when he was with you. With you, Levi understood the temptation that Eve faced in the garden. With you, Levi even understood how angels could fall from grace. With you, Levi understood words he never did before to an exceptionally profound level; words like devotion, redemption, and prayer.Levi wasn’t a religious man, but he learned how to truly pray that night without even meaning to. One single solemn request, the most pious prayer he would ever attempt. “Wake up, sweetheart.”  

KW WE CANT NORMALIZE YOU WRITING THIS GOOD OKAY YOUR WORDS ARE ACTUAL DAGGERS ATP THEY ARE CUTTING THROUGH MY SOUL.. AND WDYM WAKP UP SWEETHEART KW DID YOU SPECIALIZE IN CUNTOLOGY WRTING CLASS???? HELLO MISS THATS FORBIDDEN OKAY SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP LITERALLY SHAKING IN AGONY https://giphy.com/gifs/absurdnoise-horror-woman-7ztt6QLRy4PBu

Now ehem next Chapter whohohooooo🤩🤩

The last thing i expected was the chapter going this way tbh.. you see it reminded me of LDBS most heartbreaking chapters that Im never forgetting because they affected me so much.. “about her, where it started, where it ends.” The holy trinity of greif, i felt like i was reading them but now the hurt was pro max because your writing and descriptions are more.. descriptive

Also lmao zeke holding a gum😭😭😭 i knew it was a fever dream when you mentioned it😭😭😭 and the fact that killian cares about him enough to see him, dude if you planned murder during this chapter it would’ve been easier but ofc ofc you wanted to torture us. https://giphy.com/gifs/portlandia-season-2-episode-3-xT1R9SJiGMLJFB5YKA

Now.. annie?? Kw why are you like this and how you know how to connect things perfectly like that it’s pretty iconic tbh!!!

I don’t really know what to say anymore.. but each paragraph was really killing me in every possible way.. i really wished killian was able to see how much people cares about how, not just levi, whom she thinks she doesn’t deserve, but annie, erwin, Isabelle, farlan, eren, i really wished she knew how much they love her, maybe then she’ll know that she deserves every single good thing in this universe, my baby suffered a-lot and that’s why i admire her, if this was an actual novel killian would for sure be the best female mc in terms of surviving, and as levi said: Still, you were nothing if not a survivor.  She really is. Our fallen angel🥹💙💙

They’d nicknamed you the “fallen angel,” because you looked exactly like one when you arrived. One of the crash team members said afterwards that if they weren’t so concerned about saving your life, they would have shed a tear for having to cut up your beautiful gown.

I giggled in between my tears when i read this, kw never beating the fashionista allegations even on her death bed which is like a huge slayyyyy she’s a freaking queen💙💙 our fashion icon. I really loved the interaction between annie and levi, you really wrote them so well because.. i don’t know if im the only one who feels this but you know when you’re reading a chapter or a scene and be like.. “yes, this is how things are supposed to be going” from how perfect the writing and writer is? That’s what i felt and still feel every time i read one of your works!!🥹💙

When you woke up again, your face was pressed into a couch that smelt powdery and warm. It was a familiar scent but you couldn’t pinpoint it to someone specifically. As you ran your nails along the green and pink floral upholstery, you felt like you were somewhere you once called home.

Kw you really need to give me lessons on how to describe things, like genuine question how do you make your writing feel.. so so alive, like the words are beating and moving i feel them🥹

Before you could ask her anything more, protest, or move, she took her wooden spoon out of the pot and shoved a sip of it into your mouth, holding your chin as she did. 

Sophia?… https://giphy.com/gifs/mafs-sRFFCzAey4IatfTOnQ .. yeah i cried so much then, or not literally but my eyes teared up fr, i need a hug.. https://giphy.com/gifs/portlandia-season-1-episode-6-xT1R9SLI3qYhVbmeQg.

When Eren came by to visit, the first thing he did was make sure to drop some of your favorite chicken lemon soup off to you. 

I love love love the way you move from a scene to another, and seeing eren this chap was the most pleasing surprise ever!, he’s a goof ball i love him sm my baby🥹💙💙 I’m sure everything is gonna get better after his appearance i—

Especially when it came to you. Especially when it came to the both of you. The two of you were so used to having the rug pulled out from under you, from having the other shoe drop, from having your lives blown up just at its happiest point, that to not expect the worst almost felt naive. 

*gets hit by this paragraph like a truck and starts screaming uncontrollably* https://giphy.com/clips/neonrated-neon-rated-films-ofYZSv3fjXVrvpwlAL

WILL MY SUFFERING EVER END—

“You should’ve brought some clothes for Kilian,” Levi said. It was a knee-jerk reaction, one that surprised both him and Erwin. It was more hopeful than Levi intended for it to be, but he took that as a good thing. He could only hope Erwin wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. 

“You seem really happy, Sophia,” you said, turning to her with a smile as you placed the picture back down. “Peaceful almost.” 

“You,” she said in English. “Because of you.” ”

“I love you. And I promise I’ll help you finish cooking when I wake up. I might just close my eyes for a bit if that’s okay,” you gestured to the couch, feeling sleep washing over you like a tide in the ocean shore.”

Oh will it seems not never-mind.. https://giphy.com/gifs/bigbrothernlbe-kyXSJ1yPFHZ88W3v79

Now.. farlan and levi, first of all I’m glad he’s not sad anymore or hurt, but i feel like this isn’t the end of it, or maybe was this scene a closure? I’m not sure, but i loved his interaction with levi so much!!!

You know when I first met her, she went by a different name,” Farlan continued as he came into the room, trying his best to change the subject so that Levi wouldn’t keep worrying over you. “But I think Kilian suits her much more.” “What name did she go by instead?” Levi asked, not even shocked that you had somehow crossed paths with Farlan before. “Oh, she went by Annie,” Farlan shrugged. This managed to somehow get a laugh out of Levi for some reason.

That was so cute in some way🥹 i love them so much kw u don’t understand!!!

U don’t understand how much i hate you

“I’ve been waiting for you.”You froze at the sound. He was so kind, so patient, so sweet—you would’ve recognized his voice even with your eyes closed. “Lucas?” 

That’s so mean.. that’s literally evil, like omg HOW DARE YOU WE DONT TALK ABOUT WHO-COULDNT-BE-NAMED ANYMORE

“I–” you paused, trying to find your words but finding that they weren’t coming out the right way. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. You left me, that’s not right,” you pouted.

“Yes, you’re wrong,” Lucas said, shaking his head at you in an affectionate manner. “I’m always with you.” 

WHY JUST WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AUAUAGQYAAKSJSJAJAJAJAJ https://giphy.com/gifs/crying-woman-12OloSxMpkEoSI

Levi did not leave your side, not once. 

KW I HATE YOUUUUY AHAHHAHHHHHHHHHGHGGGG *insert eren infamous scream*

You hesitated, feeling a sense of warmth coming from behind the door. “Well do you know what’s behind it?” you stood up onto your tippy-toes as if it would help you get a better look. “It’s not what you think,” Lucas confirmed softly. “I promise.”Faltering again, you found that your feet would not move. “But what if I’m not ready?”Lucas shook his head at you, and squeezed your hand again. “You’ve always been ready.” Tears welled in your eyes as the water continued to wash over your feet. “What if I don’t deserve what’s behind that door?”

Kw as much as i love your brilliant mind please.. this hurts like a bitch please dont do it again.. lucas, the way killian cried when she saw him, i don’t know what to say, i just can feel it but i can’t describe it, and you know that a writing is so good when it leaves you speechless like yours did to me now🥹💙💙

When you blinked your eyes open, the first person you saw was Levi. His smile was bright and warm. It made you feel weightless. It made you feel loved. You smiled back, albeit weakly. Levi squeezed your hand gently, still smiling. “Welcome back, sweetheart,” he whispered.  

Ending the chapter with welcome back when the last was “wake, up sweetheart.” I SEE WHAT YOUR DOING KW I SEE IT

And i really appreciate it, i would like to thank you so so much for writing these new chapters and blessing us with your amazing, wonderful, beautiful, mesmerizing writing voice and style and descriptions as a whole, thank you really, to me you are my role model in writing, and i aspire to be like you or just make people feel the same way your words make me feel, i really appreciate it and please never stop writing.. never leave us kw because the fan fic writers community needs you my hidden gem.. we need your characters, scenes, gut wrenching stories and everything. If i could thank you in 60 different languages, express my love and admire you in every possible way i would’ve done it, but i know it won’t give you enough credit and it won’t come close to the feelings i go through reading your works. https://giphy.com/gifs/anime-love-bQATeUxCoCFr2

I love you so much kw!!💙💙 https://giphy.com/gifs/love-i-you-that-70s-show-2dQ3FMaMFccpi

Your lovely “💙” anon, hope i be the reason you smile once today, thank you again💙💙💙

My love again!! Gonna answer you underneath the cut 🥹❤️

LMAO @ Yelena being hot. You know what I think it is? The story itself (STH & LDBS) is a very sensual, sexy story. That's kind of the vibes I have in my mind every time I sit down to write it. It's meant to be dark, noir, and sexy, so without meaning to--everything ends up being quite sexy LOL, including characters who aren't main characters.

Also you ABSOLUTELY smashed your interpretation of the scene between Yelena and Levi. That was exactly what I wanted to establish; an understanding. The scene you highlighted in particular was a shared understanding that whatever was about to transpire was not personal. It was a warning of, "hey, I'm going to do whatever I have to do to get my job done," on both ends, and the other person being like, "yeah, and so will I." You are so right when you say there was an understanding, respect, acceptance, AS WELL as a challenge. Juxtaposing the shared notion of both of them having taken lives before was also both of them saying without saying that they are not afraid to kill the other person if it comes down to it (and it did).

And YES. Mathias is such a keen observer. I think all of you always got the sense that he "monitored" people but thought of it in the sense of cameras when it's actually much more literal. He doesn't have to resort to those kinds of things because he catches a lot just by being in peoples' presences. Not only is he trying to get under her skin and make her think she hasn't changed, he's trying to taunt her to hurt him because he wants to prove to her that she is the monster he THINKS she is. You know Kilian hasn't killed anyone in a very long time, but she definitely never lost her touch and could have easily killed him had she not gotten distracted. Like you said, it was the thought of Levi being hurt that distracted her. She was ready to go in for her kill but nothing mattered once she thought something happened to Levi. She loves him more than anything, and in that moment the only thing that mattered was his safety, not hers. In a different situation, Levi would have absolutely done the same thing. And yes, you hit the nail on the head! Her battle with not knowing whether or not she deserves happiness is an on-going one, and although she has changed a lot, sometimes those self-destructive behaviors never really go away.

Sgfsoghs, I did a lot of research into stab wounds and what they felt like. So the fact that you could feel it! 🤌🏼💋 I really wanted that chapter to feel like a knife twist, in every sense of the word so LMFAOOO I'M SORRY 🤣. Now you see why I initially wanted to release it in a double update! I felt horrible to leave you all that way without a sigh of relief in the next chapter, but it seems like you all went through the feels despite that.

And ahhh, thank you so much for your wonderfully kind words! That holy trinity chapter in LDBS was one of the hardest things to write, and in a way, chapter 14 was definitely a trail off of that because I had to tap into similar emotions of walking back to your past so that you could move forward and heal. I definitely think my writing has changed now compared to then so I'm so glad you could feel it differently!

The gum was the funniest part to me, and I honestly added it in for a silly touch and a laugh! Dreams are so silly. I thought it only made sense to introduce you to it with a giggle because it's so out there, it's so odd, and that is EXACTLY how you know it is a dream. I'm so happy you touched on the fact that Kilian only saw Zeke in her dream because she DOES care about him. That is 100% true. And yes, you're right. Kilian murdering Mathias would've been so much easier, but I never do anything easy!

Eee, you are too sweet! I love connecting things and bringing people back. Annie and Farlan were teased to come back WAAY early if you caught any of Isabel's dialogue when she spoke about her friends. You bring up a great point too, hopefully in future chapters, Kilian CAN see how loved she is, not just by Levi but by other people. She means so much to me as a character and I think it comes across each time I go to write her. She isn't perfect, she has flaws, but there is something about her that makes you root for her because I try so hard to touch on her human side as well as her darker sides.

I'm really so happy to know that you all laughed at the purposeful jokes I placed in chapter 14, too. I KNEW it was heavy so I also knew in between it, I had to give you all some light-hearted moments too. That little mention of the dress/fallen angel thing also meant a lot to me to put in because I really wanted to show the banter that happens between people who work in hospitals--the jokes and the humor amongst the horror--because I think that's kind of the only way you can get through the day sometimes after doing something as powerful as saving someone's life or helping someone.

Thank you so much for saying that about Annie and Levi's scene! 🥺 I really loved writing that scene because I could quite literally imagine their characters interacting like that and talking to each other like that, so it means the world to me that it felt like that was how things were supposed to be. You are really too kind.

And I'm always happy to help with writing questions if you have them! Honestly I just have an incredibly vivid imagination of characters and who they are. So when I think of how to write them, I think of everything outside of them--what their home smells like, what kind of furniture they like, how they dress, what they like to listen to--I think all of that helps things "come alive", so to speak. So thank you for saying that as well my love!!

Adding Sophia in definitely killed me but not as much as you know who, who I know you touch on later LMFAO so I will GLADLY offer you a hug.

I honestly love writing Eren in this universe, specifically his connection to Kilian. They don't share as many scenes in this story, but the love they have for each other is there and clearly unbroken and I love coming back to it.

Also, I'm SCREAMING at all of your gifs, you were not joking when you said you went through all 5 stages of grief LMFAO ❤️❤️❤️😭😭😭😭.

As for Farlan and Levi's scene, there is definitely a little more to happen before we get to a full closure, although we're definitely on the way there. Obviously can't spoil anything. But you are right when you say he's not sad or hurt anymore. He's moved on! The only thing is, has Kilian moved on from what she's done to him (hence why she always hid from him every time she saw him)? There's a little more to explore there but it will be touched on (trust me, it's allll planned LOL). That part with Levi laughing @ Kilian's fake name was such a treat to write also. Because he would immediately understand where she got her fake name from and why she chose that to give to Farlan. He made all the connections without even needing further explanation and laughed because he knows his girl better than anyone.

Also... Lucas. I know. I KNOW. I KNOW. I HATE MYSELF. LMFAO I CAN'T EVEN READ THAT SCENE AGAIN WITHOUT CRYING. Honestly, why did I do that to MYSELF is the better question. Because lord! Kilian loves Lucas so much, every time we go back to him, it is a source of pain. That is her deepest childhood wound but also her greatest childhood joy, so to quite literally "swim" back to him was her going back to herself to heal. He told her everything she needed to hear in order to know that he was okay, he never faulted her for what happened, and his life was joyous despite being short. By seeing him again and essentially forgiving herself, Kilian could wake up because she was no longer fighting this idea that she didn't deserve to be loved, hence the end quote in chapter 14. "Open the door. Love was on the other side and it was terrifying. Open the door." I wanted it to seem like this whole time that what was on the other side was possibly death--hence the warm light emanating from behind it--but really, it was just love. Kilian had to realize that she still had a life to live because she is so loved. So loved. She deserves to be loved. So walk through the door.

Ending the chapter with welcome back when the last was “wake, up sweetheart.” I SEE WHAT YOUR DOING KW I SEE IT

LMFAOOOO OSHGFOSH. 🌚 Do you now? But seriously, I want to thank you for both of your beautiful, beautiful, asks. You are such a lovely person, and I cannot express how much I appreciate you. You have recharged my writing spirit, made my day, and have been such a light these past two days. It means the world to me that I can touch your soul with my writing, and I truly mean it when I say it, the door is always open for writing questions ANY TIME you have them. Seriously.

I hope to write for as long as the spirit fuels me, and although my relationship with it truthfully waxes and wanes, a lot has happened recently to make me see that it is something that ignites my soul. And in igniting my own spirit, I can ignite others and touch their hearts and that is something that is truly invaluable.

Seriously, I love YOU so much, 💙 anon! You absolutely were another reason to smile today. I'm smiling now even as I head to bed. Thank you. I cherish you so much. You are always welcome to gush in my inbox, about anything, any time.

[selfsabotagingbitch]

[photo not from me. I saw it on fb and the me who just woke up decided to save it and write an essay]

Me at 8am last Wednesday after coming across this post:

Love is so fucking complicated I’m starting to doubt if I know the difference between platonic and romantic at all. I love the people around me but there’s always been walls stopping me from letting them further in.

And then this one person is trying to get me to lower down these walls and even though I complain, and have so much doubts and fears in doing it, I find myself doing so. I want to push them away but it left a strange pain in my chest when they said it was insulting for me to think they’ll leave; like I never want them to feel sad, hurt, or insulted just because of my fears. And it felt calming whenever they reassure me that they’re here to stay. I’ve always had this self sabotaging streak where i push someone to the limits until they break and leave me and i’d be right but whenever i try to do that with this person it always ends in us talking shit out like wtf man??????

So I’ve been going back and forth on whether this type of love I have for that one person is romantic or platonic. I love them just like i love the rest but also I love them more than i do the rest HOWEVER I have no clue what this type of love is.

I’ve never actually felt what romantic love feels like, most people describe it like how this post did, butterflies, nervousness, kind of like anxiety yes. But the love i feel for them is peaceful. I’ve said this before but they’re what I consider home. They’re my rest. But then again they also trigger my fears but they don’t give me butterflies. Im confused. So if what this post explains is romantic love, does that mean i love everyone romantically???????? Or do I just love everyone platonically???? Again, this is so fucking confusing.

Another conclusion would be that I just love them more. IDK okay I’ve tried to explain the love i feel for them months prior and the best I could come up with was that I love them across all levels because I love them as a whole. I love them like family and a friend and I love them a whole lot more, beyond the love I normally give. I just love them as a whole, no classification needed at all. But this was before I found out I didn’t love my ex romantically. He was the basis for how I love romantically and it won’t do now because what I felt for him was limerence and a strong platonic love. BUT the fact still stands that I love this person more than I loved him and without limerence, obsession, or infatuation at all. SO NOW WHAT? I’m pretty sure I’m cool with them getting a partner but I don’t have any idea if that’s because I’m okay with it or because I don’t think I can push my commitment issues aside for me to make the first move. Also I already told them about the fact that I thought about courting them and the back and forth on whether I like them or not and if I know myself like i thought i do then that would mean that I don’t like them like that but also here I am being reminded of their existence in every post, in little things, in situations, always in the back of my head.

And how I made this fucking thing about them when it was initially intended to be about me differentiating platonic and romantic love is beyond me.

I don’t really feel kilig or gush over them and is head over heels but I also do feel calm, at peace, and rested whenever they’re around or messaging me. I once told them that I love spoiling the people I love and I was talking about it romantically but I found myself buying them stuff every chance I get (but now i cant really use that as a gauge bc my basis was my ex)

SEE THE DILEMMA????? Wtf do I feel for you bestie😭 I want it to be one or the other or at least just confirm whether romantic love is part of the love I feel for you because I can accept that I just love you as a whole but I HAVE TO BE SURE IF ROMANTIC LOVE IS PART OF THAT LOVE YK🥹🥹🥹 although for some reason I really don’t like this one girl they flirted with and idk if its because they’re not good for them or it’s because they got attached to this person and that freaks me out because there’s a high chance they would be in a relationship which then brings me back to the fact that I IM FINE WITH THEM BEING WITH ANOTHER PERSON BUT JUST NOT THAT BITCH AND its a cycle from there. Honestly, fuck this, man. If I ever come into terms with whatever this is then I’ll act on it but right now I’m so fucking confused. (Funny noh usually when i tell the person na about the times I got confused it means I’m over it na and the internal battle is settled but with them it never is. Wtf are u doing to me 😠😠😠)

Also i have used the words confused so much that its a weird word for me now. Bro😩

[beaulesbian]

No bc Mike getting vecna'd is such a good idea if byler endgame is the goal. Like his regret/shame would be the fact that he can't say ily to his gf and the fact that he's in love w his best friend but repressing it. Then will could confess and this would remove some of that shame thus possibly saving him?? Cause people saying will gets cursed has me wondering what his regret would be (other than his love for Mike, which he seems to be relatively accepting of, whereas Mike (if he is in love w will) is repressing it much more and prob thinks it will hurt el whom he really cares about)

(this got a bit longer than i first wanted, but i have too many delusional theories 💖)

exactly, i see this more even as a great tool for their respective character developments than even for the ship itself, but ofc that would be best outcome if this all happened.

in my opinion if will gets vecna'd it would just be too similar to what hes already been through before, it would be unnecessary repeating. what we need is to see will have some connection to the upside down, that will help by the end to defeat vecna or whoever else in s5.

meanwhile it would be much more interesting to see this with mike. bc overall its a bit more difficult to see what hes really thinking, if we only see the surface level emotions.

first, he cares about all his friends beyond anything. and while will and el and max went through such trauma that was very visible, (and theyre still dealing with that, we still dont know much how mike is dealing with anything.

we only see how he changes depending on whos around him and how they interact together (dustin and lucas, eddie, will, el, his family - i feel he acts very different around each of them)

In season one his best friend went missing, was pressumed dead and had a funeral - mike thought, even for a while, he lost him permanently.

In that time el appeared and was helping find will, his friends suddenly think he likes her more than a friend (its whats normal, right? Ofc he should like her before he even knows himself...)

He fights with lucas about el in s1, and one of the things he said (i cant remember exactly now) is how he feels guilty they fought about it, "if only he could have said something more, something better, its my fault"

i think he said something similar in different situations during the first three seasons, and then in s4, when hes opening up to will about this, he tells him similar thing twice "if only i explained myself better, i should have said something more to el, do something better"

from that i get the feeling hes always trying to do not just the best he can, but whats expected of him. and when he finds he doesnt have the power to stop something, or physically cannot make himself say something thats probably not true, he blames himself afterwards.

S3 is such rollercoaster for him, hes with el but cant be with el bc hopper, and then cant say what he feels - or maybe he doesnt know whats hes supposed to feel. And then el and will are leaving. Two of his most important friends, and i think thats what made him all the more confused, bc what if he misses will more than el?

Why did the promise of will wanting only play d&d with mike made him smile so much, but then the kiss with el made him all the more confused?

theres two such contrasts in his personality, where one of his main beliefs is "friends dont lie" and he does as much as he can with honestly, but at the same time he pushes something inside him down and pretends it doesnt exist (his complicated feelings towards.. romance, lets say).

Back to the vecna theory - this is why i think if mike gets vecna'd it would add more perspective to his character and for us to see what all hes been going through in the past seasons.

Same as his feelings towards will, its been there building from s1.

It could be few flashbacks and memories telling the audience the scenes that already happened from mike's point of view, how he struggles at home,

how he regretted the words he said to will in s3 (its not my fault you dont like girls), bc it was more directed at himself than will, but he didnt realize that yet.

how finding eddie and playing in d&d club could mean hes slowly finding himself (and with d&d being like a connection will again, bc its something they both loved playing together).

And how all of this is so confusing, especially for their time in the 80s, and hes still trying his best, but slowly, more and more cant ignore that his heart wants something (someone) else than hes supposed to be with.

Its just all these things that will go either unnoticed and unmentioned in the series, which i think would be a shame, or it could be addressed in the way with vecna who would manipulate his fears and nightmares, and if others can save him (which im sure they would), he could start process it in a better way, more honest to himself as well to others. To accept himself, and by that also will's feelings (if he noticed those, which i dont think he did, i think will noticed mike's confused ones, if anything.)

[darkdevasofdestruction]

An Angel and A Demon ~ Pyramid Head x Reader

Update 2: My laptop restarted when I was in the middle of writing this, and trust me when I say it, I am positively pissed off, and I want to end my days, that's how bad of a day this was.

And I didn't leave the house.

That says a lot about today...

Update 1: But, without further ado, I was half-way writing this story, and I received this ask, and let me tell you...

helloooo, i absolutely adored the fanfics you wrote about kazan and danny🥺 could i request one where pyramid head is just really whipped for and in love with the survivor! reader but he doesnt know how to announce it to them so he brings her random ,,gifts" in and outside the trials and protecting her bc well, im pretty sure he cant speak so he doesnt really have any other options on how to express his feelings??

I live for it.

Bless you for sending me this, it's the reason I'm still sane right now.

I love you, baby-cakes.

Update 3: I want to kill myself so bad. Just smash my head on a wall until it explodes or sth. I was so happy with how this imagine turned out, only fuck fucking tumblr to just fucking delete EVERYTHING just as I was about to put the last gif and hit POST NOW.

--------

For the 5th time writing this :

FUCKMEDADDY - but this time - FUCKMYBRAINSOUTPLEASEIWANNADIE

Thanks.

-------

Hell - What was that place, anyway?

Some would describe it as an infinite ocean of flames and lava, where it's eternally melting-hot, and a bunch of hooved, horned, tailed red demons torture you with acid, with their red pitch forks, or boil you alive in their cauldron for soup. Or maybe you just get tortured by Stalin, who knows?

But never would have anyone thought that 'Hell' could look so...Normal. Well, normal in a very demolished, desolate, ravished way, but still...Normal, by human standards. Albeit, the never-ending loop of madness, anguish, agony and desperation of getting killed in different gruesome ways or fleeing for their lives and feeling a myriad of emotions pumping adrenaline through their veins so badly that their anxiety-meter skyrocketed to abnormal levels.

All this darkness, this hatred, this...Everything...It changed all the survivors. They became selfish, stubborn, rude, some even went as far as to sacrifice their fellow survivors in trials, just so they could survive. It was a complete mayhem that defied all kinds of reason, normality, morality or even ethics. Everyone became devoid of any laws that used to bind them to their humane sides, and now, you weren't sure if the killers were saner than the survivors or not.

But even in this abyss where you couldn't even see your hand in front of your very eyes, there was a little star - A beautiful angel radiating brightness and warmth, someone who was somehow able to guide everyone's straying souls with her benevolence.

In reality, she was merely a survivor, not the little lantern from an angler fish's head, but she treated everyone with such an untainted kindness...It was beautiful, and yet, unrequited for most parts. Everyone was still putting their own lives above all - And who could condemn them? - Perhaps their cowardice, for the girl preferred to save her fellow survivors as much as possible, even if that oftentimes assured her place on the hook, to be a sacrificial lamb for the Entity.

On the other hand, she rarely ended up on the hook - Most killers prefer to kill her themselves, instead of letting her become pray for the horrible Entity who tortured so many of them for refusing to cooperate - The Trapper, Evan MacMillan - He knew the best, with those hooks digging into his flesh, impossible to extract. He was the first to protect this girl. It wasn't much, but if he had to, he'd rather give her a swift, painless death, than seeing her without that serene, angelic smile on her face, as the Entity feeds on the last bits of her soul's beauty, the last parts of her humanity.

The other Killers were confused at the Trapper's actions, but little by little, they began to understand why this girl was so precious and special - And this domino effect hit Rin Yamaoka next, with Y/N stopping in the middle of a chase and taking off her jacket, just as Rin was about to butcher her with her katana, and she smiled, extending it to her. 'You must be cold' she said, realising that the Spirit was merely wearing a few bandages, not even her school uniform, or her kimono.

The ghost girl was shaken up by this, and told the others at the killer camp, but they just shrugged it off - Rin was a little girl who faced close to no kindness, they weren't surprised she was so taken aback by such a feat. That is, until Adiris, in a particularly terrible day, when everyone at the camp was staying away from her, as her profane censer wasn't able to cover the stench of rotting flesh - Y/N came over, taking out a small yet elegant glass bottle with pink liquid on it, spraying some on her - And now, The Plague smelled of roses and vanilla - 'You can come to me for perfume whenever you want, I always carry some with me!' she grinned at the Babylonian High Priestess, before leaving back to the survivor's camp site, leaving the ancient God symbol to stare with her mouth agape at the girl.

These words began to spread, and it was no surprise when the killers saw Susie clinging and begging her Legion friends to spare Y/N, for she was there to hug away her worries more than once, to tell her sweet words, to play with her hair and play the guitar whatever songs she wanted to hear, to get reminded of her home - She was so home sick that she freaked out, but now she was better, thanks to Y/N - 'I know you miss home, but sometimes, home is where your best friends are, and all three of them are here!' she tried to encourage the cute pink-haired girl who could only squeal and hug her new friend.

Even Ghostface wasn't exempt from falling to her charms, and they would often take silly selfies and mess around, making fun of the old horror movie tropes and doing lots of puns and pranks - So much that she even got his trust to be told about the Danny/Jed thing, and how he began his killer profession - 'You're a very talented photographer, Danny! You deserved all that recognition you got, both as a journalist, and as a killer!'

And very soon, Y/N found herself in the crushing arms of an overprotective Anna, humming her mother's lullaby together with walking through the forest, Y/N making flower crows for all the female killers at the camp site, and little by little, she somehow managed to worm her way under everyone's skins.

Y/N was the survivor with the highest survivability percentage, and maybe the Entity sometimes got pissed off, but at least she still got killed sometimes, so who cares? Well, that was soon to change as soon as a new Killer was added to this sick game - Pyramid Head, the terror of Silent Hill, as Cheryl, the new Survivor, called him - or The Executioner, as he was known now. He was ruthless, merciless, grotesque - He had his own criteria of killing, his own moral compass, ethics, conscience and understanding of the concept of life and death. Nothing that could compare to the visions of humans, clearly - Everything was gravitating around Divine Retribution and Justice, but the from the outside, he was nothing but a killing machine.

He would kill everyone and anyone that crosses his path, without fail.

Y/N felt like her fortune ended completely the second she found herself in the new, overly cramped map, with Pyramid Head as the killer - She couldn't help but run around like a spazzic meerkat, trying to find and fix as many generators as possible, without having to get face to face with the walking hazard...

Only to run past a stuck Pyramid Head.

Slowly backtracing her steps, she saw the mountain of a man with his metal pyramid stuck in the frames a low window which he tried to walk over. He was trashing like a raged bull trying to attack a matador, but it was clear he was getting nowhere with this.

"H-Hey, u-uhm...Need some help?" she asked in a soft, careful voice, almost like a meek cat trying to test the waters, but in return, he started groaning even louder from the wrath he wanted to unleash upon the whole world. "Okay, uhm...I think I saw a can of vaseline in one of the chests around. I'll go fetch it and I'll come back for you. Don't move." she said, only to then realise how horrible that sounded, considering the situation, and it only seemed to anger the killer. "...I'm sorry, ignore me, I'm an idiot." she slapped herself pretty harshly before bolting out of there trying to find the chest.

However, Y/N cursed herself for not having perfectly memorised the whole map by heart already, since she found the vaseline can after the 3rd chest, and then, it took quite a while to find the bloody window that got the killer stuck - And by the time she got there, she was dead tired. "Okay, I'm here, I found the vaseline! Let's try to get you out of here." Y/N muttered as she put her feet on the low window pane to get to his level. "If it's not too much trouble, could you please hold onto me? I can't balance myself with both hands occupied, and I'd rather not fall." she explained as she opened the vaseline can, only to shiver as she felt two big, strong hands getting a firm grip on her hips. It was almost...Endearing, were she not too busy trying to get the killer unstuck. She kept massaging the metal edge, trying to push and pull, also praying to whatever deity that existed in her human world that she had her tetanus shot done on time - Until finally, she was able to get hear a loud screech, like a pop, and the killer got unstuck, and in the process, he stumbled backwards, while Y/N fell down on her butt.

"Ouchie..." she muttered, rubbing her back and sides to take away the pain surging through her body. "Are you okay?" she asked, almost intuitively, without realising it at first, until she heart a low grunt that brought her back to reality. "O-Oh...! You have glass shards stuck in your side! And you're bleeding too! Hold up, let me help." she hurried to his side, while the killer merely stiffened, feeling her delicate, slender fingers tracing his body, while he heaved and slouched his shoulders from the repressed wrath. "It may sting a bit, and I'm really sorry, but I promise it will be better soon." her voice was so motherly and warm, which also resonated in her actions, as she gingerly took a water bottle and imbued some tissues with it, to wipe away the blood smearing down his skin as she extracted the glass shards, and then..."This is grandma's marigold ointment. It's really good, and it smells nice." she explained as she carefully smeared a thick layer of the yellow ointment on the biggest wounds, while the little ones were covered by smiley-flower patterned plasters. They were cute, and colourful, and they never failed to make her smile. "Okay, there we go, all better! I hope you'll feel better very soon!" her voice got a tiny bit more cheerful and upbeat.

It made the Killer think about a trillion things, as he stepped in front of her, towering over her like the Empire states building next to a smiling pomeranian. What was with this girl? Why did she help a killer? And why did he feel so...Warm inside? He could sense a foreign kind of luminosity, a naivite and innocence that he only witnessed in children and animals. This woman in front of him was untainted by the darkness and evil of the world.

It didn't matter how many hardships she's been through, or how much sadness she had to endure - Her soul remained as pure as any snowdrop, as the first snow of winter, as the fleece of a baby lamb who let out its first 'meeeeh' to its mamma sheep.

He couldn't allow this human to be maimed in any way - Not by the world, not by the Entity, and certainly not by him. - Screw the Entity, Pyramind Head kills by his own rules, and now, he was blessed to be faced with a human who bore no real hatred for her peers, or for the world, despite the horrible situation she was thrown into.

He didn't understand, obviously, especially as he remembered the myriad of abominations that lurked through Silent Hill, all of them created by the torment of humans - The very torment that distorted their own reality, which resulted in him needing to solve the purpose as The Executioner - Eradicating the world of all evil.

"Th-This sword is so heavy...H-How can you carry this around like that...?! Your muscles must be so strained and sore...Y-You really need a massage, I'm sure." she stuttered as she tried to lift the much taller and heavier sword from the ground, only for the brute to simply bend and pick it up with extreme ease, putting the girl to shame with her complete lack of strength. "Hehe...You're really strong. I'm embarrassed now." she chuckled softly, scratching the back of her neck.

Before she could leave or do anything else, Pyramid Head picked her up by the throat, careful not to hurt her or restrict her air intake - I mean, how else was he supposed to carry her so he wouldn't hurt her with his metal head or sword? - and it was pretty clear she didn't feel any malevolence from him, as she clinged on his forearm, trying to keep herself up, only to be dumped on top of the hatch, as the killer pointed towards it, so she would leave.

"O-Oh...! Thank you so much! You're really kind! I really appreciate this...I-I know it probably doesn't matter much to you, since you'll be doing this over and over again with all the survivors...But I really appreciate you for your kind gesture, and I appreciate you for being so nice with me. Thank you. Take care!" her dazzling smile lit the whole place up, but he couldn't talk, nor could he tell her how he should be the one thanking her for showing him that, despite the hundreds and thousands of years he had to roam the 'Earth' and execute the injust, miracles still existed.

As soon as she reached the survivor's camp, everyone cheered for her, asking how in the world could she have escaped the wrath of the butcher. "Oh, but he wasn't that bad. In fact, he's much more humane than I anticipated! I think he has a beautiful, blooming heart!" okay, she's lost it - the other survivors thought - but even so, she's always been a bit...Out of it, so who cares?

It took quite a while for the other three survivors to reach the camp, all bloody, in fact, like the new killer, who dragged himself with the same menace to the Killers' camp. "How the hell did you manage to survive?!" they yelled at her in utter shock, seeing that she got out of there unscratched. "Oh, you see...I found the hatch." she shrugged simply, not wanting to give away that the person who massacred those three was a soft one and he basically threw her down the hatch to her safety.

As she took a twig to roast a marshmallows, she noticed how Pyramid Head was standing much farther away from the rest of the killers - She knew that silent killers were bound to stay away from the more obnoxious one, remembering how Michael Myers almost killed Ghostface and The Legion at least a dozen times - But this time...He seemed kinda...Lonely? So Y/N took the matters into her own hands, roasted another marshmallow in another twig, and when it was done, she went to the killer's camp, calling out the lonely one's name - She has no idea why, but he actually followed her, pushing her further deep into the forest, until he was sure nobody was going to hear, see or interrupt them...

"Hey. You seemed pretty lonely out there...I thought you could use a friend. Thank you again for what you did at the trial...Here, this is a marshmallow. I don't think you've had many before...Cheryl told me of that horrible place you had to live in...So I hope this will make your day a bit better!" Y/N extended one of her hands towards him, so he could take the marshmallow - And a long, black tongue erupted from underneath the pyramid, snatching away the fluffy marshmallow and gulping it in one go.

What the hell was he turning into?

A towering man built of pure muscle, wrath and divine justice, with a pyramid representing the evil of humanity burdening his body, and a sword taller and heavier than the average human being constantly dragged in one of his hand...He now was a slave to a cute, innocent girl who was putting flower plasters on his minuscule wounds that would heal in a heartbeat regardless - He saved this girl who was now offering his these soft, squishy things that tasted overly sugarly, just like her upbeat and cheerful personality - If he could eat her, he was sure she would taste even sweeter than this - A sickish kind of sweet, that is.

She was indeed a beautiful angel in this tragic hell. But he didn't wait to snatch the second marshmallow either.

"Ah...! You liked it, didn't you? Well...Next time, I promise I'll give you more!" she grinned at him the same way a princess would to her chivalrous knight who saved her. The since he couldn't talk, silence took over them - It wasn't an uncomfortable one, per se, but it made it feel as if the conversation was over. "W-Well...I'll guess I'll see you around! Take care and I hope to see you again soon!" she waved cutely, trying to turn around back to her camp, only to feel a rough hand on her shoulder, turning her around and urging her to stop and wait for him and he went deep into the forest, leaving her alone and undefended by the potential malevolent forces of the forest.

When he returned, however, he stepped right in front of her, creating the perfect shade as he towered over her - Then he kneeled in front of her, so he would reach her eye sight, then he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and put a beautiful pink flower - As pink as the blush that started creeping on her face - He wanted to see her luminous face better, to highlight her dazzling smile and her glimmering eyes as the warm, silver light of the mother moon caressed her face.

Y/N felt her heart picking up the pace - It was beating so much faster than ever before - But this time, it wasn't out of fear or anything negative...It was something good. Something she never felt in her life, especially with her human acquaintances from back home. None was as chivalrous and gentle with her as this butcher of tormented souls - The bringer of justice, the merciless Executioner who was supposed to end the life of every living being that would cross his path.

It was insane how every Yin finds its Yang, even if that comes in the form of a little lamb of a small, frail girl, and a huge abomination of a brute man who knows nothing but death, bloodshed and carnage. It was truly crazy how opposites attract, and here she was, holding the killers large hands and gingerly putting them on her face, leaning into his touch - She felt safer now than ever in her life - Now, in the arms of an ancient killer.

An Angel and A Demon brought together in a perfect union.

As she leaned down, she touched the metal of the pyramid where she anticipated his forehead would be with her own forehead, and closing her eyes, she finally felt herself calming down. There was no need for words, actions spoke louder than anything, and she appreciated it...She appreciated him.

"Thank you." she whispered to him, knowing that yes, even though nobody else would hear it anyway, it was much more intimate than anything she ever experienced.

She was hooked.

Hope you liked my completely shameless pun, I couldn't stop it, especially after the pain I went through trying to write this...3 freaking times.

Yay.

[bandsanitizer]

okay okay but like high and place in me as complementary songs for so many reasons.

starting off with the epistolary-adjacent feel. like they aren’t letters but there’s this aspect to their sound that gives this pre-recorded message imagery to the song. that luke was aiming for a voice mail vibe with place in me which he absolutely nailed. then with high there’s that vinyl record crackle going on that conveys this sense of playing something recorded. then added to the lyrics in both songs being written towards a certain person but progressing in a way that also conveys time passing.

notably verse one of high says “today” and “waking up” then the chorus hits and there the use of “mornings” in verse two before back into the chorus and repetition is used a lot throughout the song. similarly, place in me uses a bit of repetition particularly with the first two verses/stanzas with “hold on” and “with eyes wide open” into the chorus with “call me in the morning” (which another parallel is luke’s use of mornings/waking up in both songs) and then the third/middle verse “how many chances does it take?”

and then speaking of the that verse there’s the line “no words left to play on” in place in me which when you look at high’s lyrics plus the music&production, there’s a bit of word play going on in the chorus with high/highly and lie/like, along with the song getting higher when “high” is sung.

so considering the continuity of place in me coming after high, and high being something narcissistic—with recognition of mistakes (“I need to stop letting me down”) there’s a lack of apology and it’s pretty arrogant—compared to place in me where there’s recognition of the mistakes in a different form along with apology (“I’m sorry that I let you down”). plus the lyrics in place in me: “now with my eyes wide open / I’m nothing but a fake” if we consider high to be this post break-up bordering angry/denial “I know I did something wrong but I just want you back” then place in me is along the lines of the grief of post break-up that still focuses on mistakes but “I know I did something wrong but I’m afraid to lose you” with a key difference being high assumes a state of affection of liking of “this is you losing me” while place in me with the ending is like “I don’t know how to be without you. please don’t go”

and I think about this in terms of growth. that these could easily not be break-up songs and more of “we got into a really bad argument” songs. and I think about what it implies to go from this state of feeling like you changed so that makes you almost deserving of forgiveness? this “well now i’m just disappointing myself” whereas place in me is focused outwards on “oh i hurt you.” and particularly with “i never meant” repeated in the opening of the verses it’s this sense of “oh I hurt you. I didn’t intend to, but I still did. and then I reacted poorly.” that the poor reaction (“I’m so apathetic”) could even be a reference to high itself? and place in me is recognizing the shit apology that was and offering this in place. that it’s still equally along the lines of some level of maybe they don’t deserve this so why ask? but it’s way less self-centric about it and even though it is, it’s still something mroe genuine. more thoughtful. less narcissistic and more of “I know I’m really caught up in my mistakes right now and I’m sorry but I’m trying so please stay”

and I guess for a running theme of wfttwtaf being what luke describes in slip away where there’s fears of them leaving and this need for him to run away, it’s like place in me is that inbetween. it’s him catching himself in the midst of walking away from his mistakes bc “what can I do? how could I possible change?” and as the person the songs are directed to leave in this “please stay. please be patient with me” and then go into bloodline and the whole “your heart can’t keep a vacancy for me / only you know how long you’ve got to go” where overall it’s grappling with this understanding that he probably couldn’t handle another person leaving but also doesn’t know if he’s worth sticking around for/deserving of the patience that sticking around takes.

so like with “when facing the things we turn away from” it’s facing the mistakes instead of running away—for both people in the relationship and analyzing where to go from there, which is almost essentially what comedown is. it’s this eventual give into the fact that you cant keep running and the acceptance of however things go from here is how it is meant to go. and back to place in me and high, place in me is an interesting comparison in how much those songs do and don’t differ. that high is self-centered and naracissitic while place in me is within a similar realm of something selfish but not how high is. and both struggle with this idea of “I made mistakes but I don’t want you to leave so how do I get you to stay?”

alternative idea is going from high’s “I called to tell you that I’m changing” but they don’t answer and the voicemail aka place in me is left but by the time he’s finished with the voicemail it’s back to the angry/bitter sort of pain that pulls out the feeling of “but you don’t have enough respect to see me try”

[thedevilliers]

Hey, I've been reading your story for a while, and I'm enjoying it very much. Following the De Villiers has been so fun, and you've inspired me to create my own royal Simblr!

Can you maybe share some tips about what to do with your royals? I'll be posting my family within the next few weeks, and I have already planned out several engagements + events, including visits to parks/schools/hospitals, parties, and news surrounding a royal pregnancy. I've also planned out the first arc. I don't know what else to do, and I've barely started! If you have any tips related to the beginning of your Simblr that you didn't cover in your other post, I would so appreciate them. I want to get all this nailed down *before* posting, so my blog is the best that it can be.

Also, if you have any advice on how to make things as efficient as possible (especially regarding posing sims, editing/writing posts, etc.), I would love that! I want to cut down on time wasted wherever I can.

Thank you!! :-)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 me?!!?!?! ME ??????? omg 🧍‍♀️ thank u for reading my story 🥺 and AAAAAAAAAAAA your own royal simblr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ill answer everythin under the cut !!!!! spoilers: it got long sorry

first of all, remember we ALL started somewhere. you can look at my first like... fifteen and even MORE posts and they are BAD. oh my gawd idk why i thought they were good, but hey! i learned things from them. you will more than likely change your mind about certain things from the beginning of your blog to who knows, four months from now. don’t focus and worry a lot on ‘perfection’ and setting up ‘high standards’ from the beginning. treat it like a learning curve! this is something we all do for fun, so don’t get stressed a lot on it. you can always change and adapt things and that’s no problem!

i love lists, so im gonna list a few things of advice/tips basing myself on what you said!!!

i personally don't do engagements anymore, so i can't really help you in this regard of even more activities you could do 🧍‍♀️ what i could recommend for people to get to know your characters' personalities and private lives and grow attached to them, add in BTS posts.

continuing on my BTS’ post thing, they are a GREAT way to show more than what the public sees for your royals. because from a press and public point of view, you don't really know 'what goes on behind closed doors'. they could be all happy in public, but in privatE??!??!!?!?

as i said in my starting out guide, i did have around ~15 drafts done before i started posting. just so i could not stress about “oh my god i dont have any posts for tomorrow”. a LOT of ppl do posts and queue them as they go, and they have MANY posts done and usually they start accumulating and they are MONTHS in advance compared to what they’re currently posting. if this method works for you, you can definitely use it!

please, please please read your dialogue OUT loud. is it possible to say a 2093023902 word sentence without a singular use of punctuation? do people in this age and era really talk this way? also please if possible use correct grammar. just a little pet peeve, it can take a reader out of the immersion your story gives them.

we all have our lil dialogue habits. mine is starting sentences with “oh” and the infamous dash “—”. others use ellipses. just make sure you aren’t overdoing it. for example, doing a sentence like “oh— there you are. i was uhm— looking for you. how—how are you? its—i mean where have you uhm— been? yes—ive—ive been fine. you? i mean— your mom” ....just no 😔 it doesnt read well at ALL

you can always do lil filler posts, dont tell anyone tell you otherwise. post a little simstagram post, a little family portrait, updated portraits post, family hanging out, kids hanging out, etc.

for posing sims, i do try and remember where MOST of my poses are in the ingame list. usually creators’ correctly naming the poses helps a lot. for example i need a Mel Bennet pose; hers are usually ALL in the same spot and have the same lil aqua bg so i can easily find them. sometimes, i dl pose packs VERY specifically for a certain scene. am i gonna use them again? no. so i open the .package file in sims4studio and rename them to “00 for emi scene [rest of the og name” so when i open my game, they are around the top of the list! no more scrolling and i easily know what i need it for.

dont be scared to plan things that are happening MONTHS from now or anything in detail. some ppl dont like planning things in detail, or even dont like planning things AT ALL or things that arent happening say, in over 2 weeks because idk, they get bored. i recommend at LEAST having a list of things that HAVE to happen so you have ‘goals’ and you slowly plan out how you’re gonna get there. at LEAST theres some level of planning there. if you’re posting and PLANNING as you go, there’s gonna be holes. and it’s gonna be obvious.

editing wise, i don’t do much. my reshade does most of the work, i just add in my psd, add text and done! this is easily the fastest thing you will ever do.

if you get inspired by someone else doing, idk, a certain layout for the portraits, them adding little things to their captions, a certain edit, etc. if you want to do something similar and you ARE very much aware you were inspired by them, credit them in the caption. i beg. its free, its the nice thing to do, bc if not its rude.

if you get inspired by a certain storyline someone else did and you notice yours is gonna be similar, go ahead and send them a message to let them know and if they have any tips or feel uncomfortable with you doing this. simply put, if you don’t, you’re gonna look bad. we are all bound to do same storylines, such as assassinations, shooty shooty’s, stalkers, first loves, accidental babies, etc. but what changes is how each person approaches it. no ones gonna do it the same way as you and others. if you CONSCIOUSLY start copying else, stop it. and you could even be unconsciously be inspired by someone else too. it happens! just make sure you are able to look at the bigger picture and realize “hey, i’m doing something wrong”

same thing with dialogue. you like a line someone else said in their story? don’t just... steal it and incorporate it into yours word BY WORD

OVERALL: you can be inspired. give credit where it’s due. and don’t copy because someone else is doing ‘something others like’ and you want others to like your story. no no no !

im adding this AFTER i posted it but, be yourself. in the way you interact with others and send questions, etc. don’t try and copy someone else’s personality because they are liked and essentially absorb them. be yourself and i’m sure a lot of ppl will like you the way you are : D

for my writing dialogue etc, this goes back to my point 8. i use milanote, its free and you get 200 free thingies to use, and i plan out how every single one of my posts is gonna go. so i just have to go ingame and i already know what im gonna do. no thoughts, just taking screenshots. for example, this is how a part of my part 2, chapter 3 posts layout looks like. every square is a post that has what is happening, who is in it, what is gonna be said very vaguely, etc:

11. and the most important tip! don’t compare yourself to others. i did it at the beginning. i think we all did at one point. its not good for you at all. please always remember we all are here for share our lil stories with each other and it’s not easy get a following. you’ll get there and its gonna take time. be patient, be nice!!! and i cant wait to see your story!!!!!!!!!!

[first-apostle]

you are so so right and wise always thank you for this post and your perspective on this matter

Ramble about why i dont really like interpretations of kdj as like somehow weaker than or needing to be onesidedly taken care of by kcom or yjh. Obvi this is just me having an interp and not really having a taste for certain other interps and then rambling about it on my tumblr dot com blog

i feel like one of the big appeals of the relationship between kdj and his crew is that theyre all strong people who are dedicated to each other, and that sense is taken away from by narratives that focus on kdj being like physically weak or innocent or something like that.

i think for me theres also that association that comes to mind when like that kind of kdj interp is put up against a still buff and stoic yjh of like fu**shis having to put like that kind of power dichotomy between men theyre trying to fe**shize because it exists in most of the BL media targetted at them and parallels toxic messages from het media theyve already internalized.

Theres also just like the fact that fans of east asian media have a tendency to infantalize the asian characters in it (and even carrying over to real east asian people) and because its a real issue that makes me uncomfortable its hard for me to enjoy content thats like “uwu poor baby needs to be taken care of” about a grown ass korean man in his thirties.

obviously thats not to say that men have to be completely emotionally unimpeachable or anything? (I dont have that much internalized toxic masculinity) I just think that something that makes characters like kdj yjh (and hsy and jhw and.., i could list maybe the whole company) interesting and dynamic is that they often have that standard for themselves in their idea of being “strong,” and managing to live up to it most of the time is what makes like hurt/comfort an emotional event instead of lacking that standard making the opposite a change to the character’s personality.

also something that annoys me about like interps that make kdj like ... ugh gross word but the cishets have forced my hand - “subservient” in his relationship with yjh is that its just not like... accurate. Theyre dynamic is just like... so much more than that, especially if we’re talking about 3rd regression yjh specifically. Theyre constantly in this bizarre equilibrium where theyre each viewing the other as someone so much stronger than themself, someone who saved their life, someone who theyre able to live for now, and also they are both completely oblivious to the fact that thats how the other views them. This is very important.

also this is just me actually but i think even tho yjh is like technically older than kdj its funny that kdj was born the year before him so he’ll always be a year older. So write that down.

very important to also note that theyre like indeterminably both older and younger than one another because time so like dynamics where one of them is junior to the other just feel so ooc to me tbh.

ok. TLDR; inherently homophobic fu**shi favored tropes and racist infantilization play into my dislike of the idea of kdj being a junior to or weaker than yjh, but my main issue stems from considering it ooc due to my own interpretation of them relying on the fact that they each see each other as a goal to strive for, someone better than them, and in a way that makes them equals, also i am gay.

PS (post script) if you dont understand the last few paragraphs of this post watch an ace attorney letsplay. take some notes and get back to me after

[jonesinghardy]

No More Spitting Feathers 02/?

PAIRINGS: Warren Worthington III x Reader  WARNINGS: injury, blood, implied drug use RATING: T+, will be raised later.  WORD COUNT: 2.2k INSTALLATIONS: Part 01 AUTHOR’S NOTE: Dedication and thanks to Andi @venombxby​ for discussion and honorary mentions to Monica @rosesvioletshardy​ and Wella for inspo. This is written in second person bc I have never been able to get on board with Y/N trends, and the reader is a mutant with a limited mix of healing, telekinesis and some empathic inclinations. 

The night is never as dark as you’d like in a city, and no matter the hour, night owls are bound to be turning their gaze onto anything that moves above the shadows. 

He casts quite a shadow. 

Dove.

You don’t speak much after he agrees to go with you. There is a stalemate between the two of you for many minutes before he offers an arm and helps you up, getting you to a more comfortable place in the warehouse to rest until you could stand on your own. 

You didn’t think he’d be able to fold his wings enough to hide them, you thought it would hurt too much, but he manages to do it anyway and tucks them away into a long coat that he found in the disused warehouse staffroom, along with a large umbrella that helps conceal him better.

Once you could stand you found a dusty bathroom with running water and managed to clean your arms and face of blood and wrangle your hair into something less dishevelled. You also took off all your absurd jewelry, cleaning it all with hot water and chucking it into the same locker you find a pair of shoes that are too big but are better than trying to walk barefoot. 

You get the privilege of draping his leather jacket over your shoulders, which doesn’t exactly keep you warm given the modifications he made to the back to accommodate his wings, but you suppose you’d be colder without it. 

You walk in silence side by side for most of the journey, and calling it such is no exaggeration. It only takes half an hour for the pain to creep into his wing again, especially with how he has them folded against his back— you feel it, and have to breathe through the discomfort, the one aspect of your powers that you can’t turn off, but that thankfully doesn’t wipe you out the same way healing or telekinesis does. 

It takes three hours, and neither of you seeks a break, somehow knowing that stopping would benefit neither of you. He gets more tired though, but you can tell he relaxes a bit when the city falls away and the trees thicken, and the people and cars become few and far between.

The safe house looks abandoned from the outside, and to your benefit, it has thick overgrowth around its perimeter that provides plenty of privacy. All of the windows are either frosted or boarded up save for the stained glass windows on the old domed church that will be your shelter. 

You find the key where you expect it, and as soon as you enter you’re working on autopilot. You throw off the shoes that have given you blisters, walk across the confused space to a large set of shelves and pick out a change of clothes that don’t quite fit but are better than the tiny cocktail dress you’ve had to trek your way here in. 

Dove throws off the coat and drops onto the nearest cot, groaning as he stretches out his wings. You shudder from the incomparable empathic impression it leaves in your back. You change without caring if he looks (he doesn’t), putting on the pants and a too-large shirt, collecting a blanket from a crate in the corner and yourself dropping onto a cot not too far from where he’d lain down. You pass out after you heal your blistered feet. 

You sleep for eighteen hours. 

He sleeps for twelve, and when he awakens he’s hungry and hungover, aching in unpleasant but not unfamiliar ways. You can feel the malaise even though it doesn’t wake you, creeping into your body and your dreams and then fading once he freely navigates the space and finds the food and water kept in the makeshift pantry. 

You feel better when you wake, but you’re ravenous, and dig into whatever shelf-stable item seems most appealing— you’re still chewing when you go and find him, having made himself a more private corner to relax in with cushions, two cot mattresses and a few blankets. 

Swallowing doesn’t quite soothe the scratch in your throat, and you notice some subtly floating feather particles in the air, leaving you to idly wonder how much he sheds. 

“Are you well enough to heal me now?” he asks, filling the silence. You’re not sure if he believes you are, he seems tired and resigned.

“No,” you reply. “Not significantly anyway.”

He levels you with an incredulous look. 

You sigh. “I could give myself an aneurysm if I try to heal you too fast.” 

“What can you do, then?” 

“I could have you flying again in ten days,” you say, “that won’t put too much strain on me.” 

His wing, the undamaged one, flutters slightly. “Fourteen.”

“What?”

“Take fourteen days. You were like a rag doll at the warehouse, Häschen, you’re no use to me like that. You think you can do ten days— I don’t have anywhere to be— we’ll do fourteen.”

You look at him for a moment, trying to spot some ulterior motive and figure he must be doing the same. 

“Okay, alright. Two weeks.” That’s probably how long you’ll need to arrange extraction anyway. 

You swallow again against the scratch in your throat and take a deep breath. 

“You need a tour?” you ask, feeling awkward. 

He shakes his head. “I looked around while you were sleeping.” 

“The church is free-reign,” you say, explaining anyway, “the rest of the building is not really safe, but isn’t off-limits.” You shrug. “The shower room is over there.” You point. “Towels and soap are in the baskets… they’re all labelled.” 

“You planning to leave me alone here, Häschen?” he asks, sitting forward slightly and canting his head to the side. 

You both react when he strains his wing, and you try to hide your whimper with a cough. His wings shudder and the feathers tighten up, drooping slightly as he sits back against the wall with a slight grunt of pain.

“I want to get some supplies from the store… like better food,” you explain with a shrug. You also want to get him some medicine to tide him over between your attempts to heal him. 

“Are you going to walk?” 

You shake your head. “There’s a car stored on the property, I have what I need. I shouldn’t be more than forty minutes.”

He doesn’t say anything further, and it feels too invasive to watch him struggle through his pain.

“You want anything?” you ask, already planning to get him some clothes. 

“No.”

“Okay. What clothing sizes do you wear?” 

The look he gives you is almost a smirk, a raised brow and a quirk of his lip that makes you flush. You look away in embarrassment and clear your throat again. 

He tells you the sizes. “You don’t like my clothes?” he asks. 

“That’s— that’s not the point,” you say, and motion at him, his pants and boots, the lack of a shirt, the modified leather jacket he’d taken back while you slept. “That’s all you have.”

He shrugs with his hands. “Do what you want.”

“I will.”

“See you in an hour, then.” He seems inclined to give you more time than you think you’ll need.

— 

The subtle hiss and splash of water greet your ears from across the echoey safe house when you return. You took less than the hour, but more than the forty minutes to get everything done. You put the bags down on the tables that make up the kitchen (which isn’t much of a kitchen at all. There is an old fridge, two hot plates, a toaster oven and some cookware and dishes next to a deep industrial sink).

There is steam coming from the shower room, and when you get closer with the bag of clothes you got for him, you feel a malaise creep into your body. 

“Dove?” you call, but he doesn’t answer.

You put down the bag and go to the door, not sure what you’ll find, but hardly wanting to violate his privacy nor open yourself up to any teasing if you’ve misinterpreted the empathic impression. 

A small gasp leaves your lips. His wings are almost totally clean now, free of the dirt and char and blood that had been caked on them— some of which sits over the drain grate to his right. Feathers are missing from his left wing, and it continues to droop, but what concerns you is how he’s kneeling on the floor with his head against the wall, taking in shuddering breaths. The wings hide his nakedness almost completely, but that hardly crosses your mind as you step into the room.

“Dove?” you say again, more urgently now, your new shoes splashing on the wet floor as you cross over to him. 

It’s a rather bare room, stripped of all curtains and half-stalls, with only a dozen showerheads set a few feet apart around the space. He has two showers running to cover all of him, and you gasp when you feel how hot the water is, yanking the tap to the left to make it cold and then reaching over him to do the same to the other. 

“What are you doing!” your voice is louder than you intend, and he tenses, groaning when cold water penetrates whatever daze he was in. You get down on one knee and grab his face between your hands. He’s hot hot hot, and not just from the water, flushed. He startles, wings jerking and feathers fluffing, and he gives a slight grunt of alarm.

“Hey, hey, it’s me— it’s just me.” 

He doesn’t quite relax but he seems to calm, bowing his head slightly and shivering. You carefully reach up to turn off both showers and bring your hand to his neck. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to focus through the haze and urgency. 

“What are you doing…” he says dully, lifting a hand to grasp your forearm. He groans when he feels the initial relief of your healing. “Don’t, you’re not— I’ll be fine—”

“I can handle it, you’re not well,” you reply, almost scolding. He makes a sound of acknowledgement but speaks no further, he keeps his hand on your arm. 

You don’t find what you’re looking for, you assumed it would be an infection from the fracture, but his whole nervous system is rioting. You quickly readjust, your fingers pressing against his neck, by the nape. It’s not the healing you expected him to need, but you hadn’t exactly gotten the chance to examine him and come up with a plan. Your healing balances his autonomic nervous system, calming the sympathetic and re-engaging the parasympathetic. He’d need more help than that, you can tell, but easing his distress is your primary goal. 

A drop of blood hits the floor, and his hand squeezes your arm. Your nose is bleeding.

“That’s enough,” he says, his voice much more controlled now.

“I’m alright,” you assure him, “I know my limits, I can do a bit more…” You aren’t lying but you know how far you can push yourself before you get as bad as you were last night. You can do more now that you’re touching him too, that always makes you more precise.

His breathing even outs and his heart rate calm, and his head bows in relief after another long moment. Your bloody nose gets worse, but you set him up better this time, stimulating his immune system and provoking a healing response throughout his body, natural pain relief. It would help his body help itself until you could resume your efforts tomorrow. 

You move your hand away from his neck and move it to under your nose. The leg of your pants is wet when you stand, and you turn away but he gives your arm a little tug, making you look back down at him. His face isn’t as flushed now, and there’s a different kind of pain in his eyes, something non-physical. Something like guilt. 

“I didn’t deserve that,” he says gravely. You slowly pull your hand away. 

“You were in distress, I wasn’t going to leave you like that.” 

His wings twitch, ruffling carefully. “Some pain deserves to be felt,” he argues weakly. “Especially for something of my own doing.”

“Withdrawal isn’t a penance, Dove.” When he meets your gaze, you think he might be searching for judgement, but he won’t find any. He looks away.

“It’s an unfair strain on you.”

You turn away, still holding your bloody nose. “I can’t just pick and choose what I heal. If you’re sick I can’t fix your wing effectively.” You huff, turning away. “And I’m fine. It’s not as draining when I can touch you… I left you some clothes by the door. If you really don’t want to waste my efforts, you’d better get some rest. Your body can do the work itself until tomorrow.”

You start out of the room deliberately, shoesfalls splashing wetly. As you pass the threshold, the echoey walls of the shower room amplify his quiet words just enough for you to hear.

“Thank you.”

You keep going without acknowledging it.

[februaryberries]

Study (?) tips that you don’t see on every study post

Hi gamers, I just finished my first year at college/university!!

This year was really a struggle for me because I was trying to get the help I needed for my mental health, and I did not succeed until literally the week before finals spring term. I just got diagnosed w ADHD and put on meds (thank god) and I’m excited for the next year to come.

Though this year was absolutely grueling I did discover some little tips that can really help ! This is coming from my experience w ADHD but it could relate to other neurodiverse learners as well ! Even if you are neurotypical some of these might help !! 

This post got really long so I’m gonna put it under the cut but, main Idea is bolded w a more in depth explanation underneath ( for those like me who see a block of text and go running)

In no particular order:

If you can/are up for it take a class before noon even if you are not a morning person. I am NOT saying take an 8am when u regularly go to bed at 4am! Bc that is dumb bb pls get some sleep. In my experience once I go to class my brain is like “oh things are happening now, it is actually a day and not just existing in a timeless hellscape.”

Once I am out of bed/out of my room I am at least mildly more productive for the rest of the day. Going to a class before noon means you are up and doing things for the day and early enough that you still have light. This ties into the next one

Start while it’s still light out!! At least for me I gain so much happiness from natural light/sunlight, and it is very hard for me to do things let alone START things once it’s dark out because my brain is like nope the day is over now. Plus in the fall/winter days days are getting shorter and shorter so it’s important to make use of as much daylight as you can. I feel like a plant w how much I rely on light to survive but it really does help! 

Put on ‘Real People’ clothes. This is something that really helps me, even if it’s just like, jeans and a turtleneck, maybe tucked in w a belt. I’ve found that when I put on academic-y clothes or like Adult clothes it helps me switch my brain into school mode. It’s kinda like putting on a uniform for work? If I’m in too loose of clothes or like pyjamas for example, I’m much less likely to be able to switch my brain into productive mode. For me especially its when i’m wearing tighter clothing rather than baggy ones? Like i said a turtleneck which like the sleeves are fitted to my arms, and jeans or pants that are fitted to my legs. I think it helps because it makes me more aware of my body in the space? Idk.  figure out what real people clothes feel like to you, and then have a couple of go to outfits you can slip on when you’ve been in a hoodie and sweatpants all day and really need to get some work done. 

On that note, put on shoes. For me along w the tight clothing, I do better in shoes, specifically ones that lace up and can be tight. Like hightop converse, or boots, or even dress shoes w laces. I think in a way my body needs to be contained so I can focus on something? I’m not sure why I feel like that but i’ve learned to work w it. Putting on shoes for me helps because

1. I’m not distracted by what I’m putting my bare feet on (i cannot stand wearing socks unless im wearing shoes so yes bare feet)

2. I’m not getting distracted by my floor n the fact that hey maybe i should sweep bc there are some crumbs sticking to my feet now.

And 3. You put on shoes when you are going to go outside and go somewhere. It’s like putting pyjamas on to go to bed, you’re brain associates those items with doing something, so putting on shoes can signal to your brain hey we are doing something now, and that something is work.

Talk to your teachers !! I understand sometimes you have a teacher from hell and honestly idk what to tell you at that point but in  a lot of cases teachers can be very understanding !! The amount of support I’ve gotten from my teachers this year is absolutely insane and 100% the only thing that made it so I didn’t get kicked out of college. Like reaching out to your teachers shows that you care! if you have to take a mental health day sometimes let them know !! i would always let my teacher know that I really wanted to be in class but I just couldn’t handle it that day. They also can help connect you to resources you didn’t know about ! 

Look into what resources your school has !! I was talking about how next year is gonna go now that I’ve been diagnosed and such with my friend, and how I was gonna contact the DRC (disability resource center) and she didn’t know you could get support for having ADHD!! Like I know you can get extensions on due dates, attendance forgiveness, and even potentially note taking assistance when you have ADHD and talk to them. even if you are medicated it doesn’t 100% solve everything and there are still ways to get support! Whether its study groups, writing centers/support, tutoring, or even contacting your drc or whatever your school has, it can really help!! I’m definitely going to take advantage of these resources if I can next year ! 

Find a place outside you can go to clear your head (or have a mental breakdown) 

I can’t even begin to count the amount of times i’ve been freaking out over something or stressed out of my mind and my room started to feel to stuffy and claustrophobic and i just needed to get OUT. try to make sure it’s somewhere safe and close that you can go to even at night. (maybe try to shoot a text to your best friend that you’re out and if you don’t let them know you’re home by a certain time to start raising alarm, your safety is the most important) I tend to like to be up high because i’m further away from people, and the streets and I’m closer to the sky.

My go to thinking/breakdown spot is the roof of the parking garage a block away. It has stairs that are easy access and the top levels are usually empty even during the day. It really helps me to just go out and listen to music and collect my thoughts sometimes. My head can start going a million directions at lightspeed and I need to stop and be present, and being outside helps. It’s a good way to regroup.

Spend 10 minutes picking up your desk/work space. I tend to let my room get cluttered and messy and out of control a lot, to the point where I know it’s going to take at least a couple hours to get it clean again. It is also hard to focus when you’re in a messy environment. I would stress myself out and be like “well i HAVE to clean my whole room because I can’t focus if my space isnt clean I cant start until I clean” and then I would put all of my productive energy into cleaning, and get maybe halfway done before burning out and going to bed.

You’re never going to get any work done if you keep in this mindset. So instead just spend 10 minutes picking up the garbage off your desk, put the dishes in the kitchen, and put things back in their place. Then you will have enough space to work on your assignment and that space will be free of clutter so it won’t be as stressful. 

DRINK WATER DRINK WATER DRINK WATER

Have a water bottle in front of you when you’re studying/in class. I get fidgety a lot when i’m in class/studying (thank u adhd) and so having a water bottle is a way for me to fidget I guess? Depending on the water bottle, you have little steps you have to do to drink that help u fidget,

for example: pick it up, take off the lid, drink, put the lid back on, set it down.

Or pick up, push button that opens drink hole (?), set back down.

When I have a water bottle on my desk it satisfies my need to do something with my body and comes with the bonus of staying hydrated, without me having to lose focus doing something else. Also you won’t get distracted by a sore throat or the realization that you are really thirsty.

Pay attention to why you’re not paying attention. Not everything that works for me is going to work for you, so you have to figure out what works for you. I started to notice that I would be uncomfortable or feel funny working when I was in baggy clothes and that helped me figure out I needed to wear real people clothes. If you find yourself getting distracted, take note of what is distracting you. maybe try literally making a list of things that distract you, so then you can identify patterns and how to combat them !

That’s all I have for now, I hope some of these could maybe help? All of these have helped me actually complete an assignment occasionally, and somehow keep my ass in college. I just want to say that my experience is my own and things that work for me aren’t going to work on every one. college can be really tough, especially your first year when you’re trying to figure everything out. I may not have all the answers but feel free to shoot me a message!! i’m here for you if you want to ramble about an assignment you’re fed up with or a teacher you hate or anything thats bothering you !! Everyone’s college (and life) experience is different so don’t feel bad if yours doesn’t look the same as the people around you ! Remember to take care of yourselves !!!

Have a good day :)

[rebellum]

vent post just bc i prefer making vent posts than writing in a diary or something

So maybe around 2 weeks ago I had a conversation with one of my bestfriends about making friends, and he said that he found what helped him a lot was to not respond to anecdotes with his own anecdotes, because active listening makes people feel more special. and so him saying that made me realise that thats actually my primary way of communicating, and he said that thats why he told me about how he went through the same thing. he was really gentle when he said it and said it wasnt that big of a deal, but its something he has worked on that helped him a lot.

and so I’ve cried p much every day since then. Its easier for me to overcorrect than take the middle route, and I don’t want to undercorrect, so I’ve just tried to stop talking about myself unless people actually specifically ask. and even then, I don’t complain or talk about anything bad thats happened (because i realised i also do that a lot). but its actually like not talking about myself is physically painful. I feel a pain in my chest, a sorrowful pain, when I have to reign myself back and and not talk about my day or the art I made or w/e bc people havent asked. and I realised why people don;t ask. yeah some of the time its bc theyre just forgetful, but overall, I know its because people dont care. people dont want to hear about my day or hear my stories. and I already sort of knew i spoke to much about myself several months ago so I tried just slightly cutting down, but now  I’m really cutting down, and I feel so disconnected from people. LIke somehow talking to people about myself is the only way I can feel connected to them, like I cant feel a strong emotional connection if I only hear them talk about themselves and their interests. so idk whats wrong with me that it affects me that negatively.

and i’m so UPSET and i want to talk to friends about it, i want to get reassurance that people do like me and like speaking to me and like hearing about me, but I know its innapropriate to ask that, especially since no one would  ever say no, so asking is basically just manipulating them into saying the answer I want to hear.

and so my self esteem has overal PLUMETTED the past 2 weeks. like, my first thoughts when I wake up everyday are about how no one likes me, how no one wants to speak to me, how people jsut barely put up with me and my ‘friends’ would be a lot happier if I just stopped talking to them all together. but I’m so socially needy that I’m selfish and I don’t cut off contact, I NEED to speak to people every day.

but not talking about myself often means the conversation stalls because i run out of relevant questions to ask, which means overall my level of communication has gone down a lot already.

and I just. dont know what to do. hopefully i get over it. hopefully i get used to not talking about myself. hopefully this horrible misery-ache in my chest goes away.

[dragqueenpentheus]

Okay no one has to read this but i DO have to write it:

PYROC VS FATHER PAUL

Ya bitch needs an art break bc im getting angry about voices existing as i try to keep myself entertained. Today is NOT a god one for sinking into repetitive line work and that’s just about all i have on the table atm

SO! Im gunna do a little thinking about my little meow meows all fucked up by religion. Just a comparison for my sanity and interests. Pyroc is my baby i wrote him for the first time years ago. Five?????????? Whadda hell. Going on six.

ANYWAY john joined religion because of his trauma. His sister died and he felt lost. He was unmoored in this fishing village and looking for reason looking for hope. Hed had his heart broken and trying to make sense of tragedy on his own was totally beyond him. Thats why his interactions with riley in AA are SO good like. He knows that confusion and he knows the rhetoric that’s supposed to combat it. Only it dooesnt work for riley.

The same sort of thing happens for pyrc, only inverted. Loss urns him away from god and religion because its SO strong in his family and not only is he loosing trust in god, but his kin as well. He’s suspicious there’s mre they arent telling him, at the point of his fathers death. And he agrees to, on the surface, absolutely wholly throw himself in to being the second the family and the village need. But he’s keeping his treachery under wraps.

That’s one of the coolest things about father paul imo is like. That slow unraveling of what is. Frankly. An awful half assed plan, driven by fear and loneliness and desperation and dementia and love. Even VERY obvious things like. Taking down the newspaper photo of his young self ‘slip’ by him. I think, on some level, its DEEPLY intentional. He wants people to CHOOSE this. He wants people like bev. He wants people who see him and are in aw of him beating god. Of killing death. He wants to be worshiped and adored and for people to come to him willingly, no tragedy driving them to his arms.

Pyroc also wnats to be worshipped, but he ALSO wants to do the worshipping. He really longs for an element of almost????? But not quite??? Subjection?? He wants to be shown something and for a Great Voice to tell him, unquestioningly and unerringly that it is GOOD. Full stop. And then he wants to spend his life worshipping it. But this booko is an exploration of how….. no such thing exists. And more importantly no great voice exists either. There is nothing wholly good, nothing wholy evil. His lack of faith in himself once he becomes god is him starting to understand that as well. Thats on purpose baked into the lore. The starting point was ‘what if god was a position and in order to get promoted you had to be a murderer. No matter what’. He understands things are not wholly good, at that point. I onder how long it will be for him to realize they are not fully evil as well?

Bc pruitt does hm hm hm an interesting move. Where he takes something the narritve is very sure to communicate is EVIL no wiggle room just fact. Even if its driven by animal instinct its. Evil. And he makes it, not just good, but HOLY. And god i LOVEEEE that for him i ADOREEE that what a MOVE. Driven by desperation and dementia and relief and ‘if god saved me than maybe i can be good despite loving and sinning and maybe if i defeat god then i will be Thee Good’. SO sexy of him. Im really fascinated by his morality. He seems to have an understanding of the shades of grey in some respects??? But if he had a BETTER one with more forgiveness in his heart i feel like hed have left the church anyway after sarah was born??? Even if millie didnt ask him??? That might just be my own sensibilities creeping in but ….. like he culd have seen her on the weekends. He can do other jobs. Hes straight (??? Not totally convinced of this) he could have just dated her that makes me crazy. LIKE OBV HE HAD LINES HE THOUGHT THAT WOULD CROSS AND HE HAD INTERNALIZED THE CHURCH AND THE RULES AND SHE WAS MARRIED AND ECT ECT i know he couldnt have really but. Thye were straight. They coulda.

Im not gunna do fantasy homophobia bc i think its …………….. Boring. But i think some element of??? The vindlegaurd line MUST be passed along and for that particular rules must be applied. But thats also boring as hell :/ maybe i can work in my parthenogenesis lore?????????? I bet pyroc would love building that spell in any universe. That’s the sequal when he goes to magic university in helsin. But yeah i do like the concept that. Anyone can have a baby thru magic its just a time and energy commitment. Just a matter of wanting it enough together. Every baby is so deeply wanted and its mere existence is proof. Thats dope i love that. HMMM to be decided at a later date when im deeper into the story i think. I still havent figured out fully how and where and why orion is going to be invovled and if???? Pyroc and orion are even going to be romantic??????? Im torn im TORn…….

Thikns about john bonding w sarah over science and learning and starts wEEPING…. Like theres some surity beloved. Its just a matter of uncovering. I think sarah felt that same thirst for answers and hunted them differently. Her faith is in logic and science. I loveeee her god. Every scene w her and her dad absolutely RUIN me like!!!!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW LOVED SHE IS!!!!!! I hope at hte very end she saw the blood as the gesture of love it SO clearly was and not him trying to poison her. God i love that she spat it out. GOD. Thats about being gay, btw. Spits the religious offering that could save you across the gasoline soaked church floor like BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we as a collective should talk about the possibiites around sarah/erin more. Bc their defiance combined would be. Earth SHATTERING for crockett.

In the future pyroc gets a kid. Ever since that campaign where Enemy ended up playing his daughter im like. How did i NOT know this idiot wanted nothing more in the entire world than to travel it with his daughter. I dont care how or why hes getting a kid. Hed be so doting and awful abut it. He would need orion as a co-parent for the kids self esteem to be normal levels. thINKS ABOUT PAUL GETTING TO RAISE SARAH AND JUST ABSOLUTELY GASSING HER UPPPPPPPP HANGING EVERY DOODLE SHE EVER MADE ON TEH FRIDGE. BOASTING ABOUT HER SCEINECE PROJECT OT ANYONE WITHIN EYESIGHT EVEN THOUGH ‘WE K N O W JOHNWE WERE ALL AT THE SCEINCE FAIR’!!!!!!!!!!! Let these fuck ups be doting fathers im fucking begging. That scene where paul is like. You take ccare of everyone on the island sarah. Its more than being a doctor. You comfort them.

HM HM comfort is such a thing for Miss Bitch like!! He sees it as a Good Thing. He tries to bring it for riley by asking to hold the AA meetings on island ((also manipulation. Obvously also manipulation. I wouldnt have bene shocked if he was slipping the vampire blood into the coffee every meeting either. But thats just a theory. A game theory.)) ANYWAY he sees comfort as hly. The church gave it to him when he needed it. The angel gave it to him in the cave. Feeling safe and warm is HIGH on his list of priorities and what makes him hand over respect.

I think pyroc has lived a very comfortable life in SO many ways, but in none he. Activly recognizes. A key part of his character arc his him…. Opening his eyes to the world around them. Seeing the privilege he has and being like. Wait. This isnt Right. We have to change thi. And when no one agrees ti shifts to I have to change this. With Violence. A little revolutionary <3 it only costs the life of his whole ass family

Thats more fun comparison ground like…… paul is SO much about I know whats right and there is a cost but i AM ignoring it. Like HE KNOOOOWSSSS he knooooows he just doesnt want o See. I’m not sure if im going to surprise yroc with the ……megadeath of. His whole family. Or if it’s a choice he has to activly make. I think a choice makes it more compelling, more layerd. It has to be in the moment though, becaus ei think thats. A key difference between them. Pyroc wouldnt do it.. hed just leave hed peace out and do what he could in small ways. But he wouldnt do his big stand off with god. Hed shrink his goals in order to not hurt his family. Out of love?? Intimidation?? Some instinct wihtin him that balks at the idea of disobedience??? I think even he doesnt know. But i LOVE john becaue he jsut decides to lie. He closes his eyes and says i am being stupid on purpose. I think thats PERHAPS more compelling than good guy coward pyroc BUT!!!!! Thats who he is rip to ths little man. Cant change him now hes a whole ass child in my head. The PLOT i can change. Him….. not without massive character development <3

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MM set my brain on FIRE!!!! Im so glad nano is coming up. I love sharpening pyroc against the comparison of other AMAZING characters. Father paul hill my beloved millstone <3 anyway sorry to anyone who reads this its literally me unhinging my jaw and emptying my brain out. I had to write stuff that wasn’t novel or fic. A little character time down and dirty. I wil NOT be editing this love and light to future me trying to decode this