#and i wanted to be able to just flip from notes to story writing during class

[junkdrawerfics]

What's Imprinting?

Jasper Hale X Reader

Summary: You are a wolf shift, except you have no clue what that is. During your search for someone like you, someone who can explain what's happening, you run into a certain vampire and you, what did he call it? You imprint on him apparently!

Word Count: 2037

Note: So this plays with the idea that there are other wolf shifters besides the Quileute tribe, mainly because I am not Native American and don't feel comfortable writing a reader that explicitly is. No origin is stated, so it's open to all.

---

When you first shifted, every facet of your reality shifted with you. 

Suddenly, things you thought were just stories became disturbingly real. Every monster. Every myth. You couldn’t rule any of them out, not when you could turn into a massive wolf and run faster than a car.

The worst part was not knowing why. And you couldn’t ask just anyone.

So you left. There had to be someone who could explain why this happened to you. Someone like you. Somewhere. Finding them turns out to be harder than you think though, because, like you, someone who can turn into a wolf doesn’t exactly want the world to know about them.

So now, after a year of searching, you’re in Washington. On the brink of giving up.

Letting out a low huff, you drop yourself onto the edge of the cliff, staring down at the waves below you. The dark water crashes against the rocks, as if it’s trying to rip the cliff away, mist spraying high into the air. The salty smell of the ocean drifts up on the soft breeze. You take a deep breath, trying to rid yourself of the lingering city scent.

Seattle proved fruitless. Not that you were really expecting much. What kind of wolf would stay in a place so gross? Every city block brought a new scent. Garbage, grease, smog, sewer. Just like every other city you’ve been to. Even if there was another wolf there, you’d never be able to catch their scent in all of that.

“I swear, if I end up smelling like that city for the next week,” you grumble to yourself, nose scrunching at the thought.

“I don’t think you smell all that bad.”

You freeze.

Someone’s behind you?

Every muscle in your body goes taut as a scent suddenly sweeps over you. It’s like walking into a candy shop, so sickeningly sweet and heady, it makes your head spin. Your wolf snarls to the surface, jaws snapping, hackles bristling. Screaming at you to run.

Fear creeps up your spine.

But then it just…disappears.

Everything falls still. Your mind, the anxiety pulsing through your veins, even your wolf. The strange sense of calm that floods through you covers it all like a heavy fog. But it’s not you. It’s not you.

“What are you doing to me?” You breathe out shakily, fingers digging into the stone under you.

“Just stay calm.” It’s a man, his voice deep and soothing, rolling with a southern accent that would be charming under different circumstances.

But right now, you’re just focused on the way your panic keeps being taken away. You can’t even feel frustrated about it without that being covered too.

“You don’t seem to be giving me an option,” you growl. It has to be him. Nothing else could explain it. What is he? How is he doing this?

“I can answer all your questions if you just give me-”

“Stop it!” You flip around, lips pulled back in a snarl, ready to phase and snap this guy’s head off.

Until your eyes meet a pair of honey gold ones.

The whole world seems to slow down, all except your heart, because the man in front of you is possibly the most beautiful person you’ve ever set eyes on. He’s tall and lean, with a face that looks like it’s been carved from marble. And his smile. It slants his mouth in an adorably boyish way.

Your eyes trail down the pale curve of his neck, across his broad shoulders, down his arms. That’s when you notice countless scars littering his pale skin. Like a match striking stone, rage flares to life in you, so sharp and sudden you have to clench your eyes shut to stop yourself from phasing. 

How could someone do that to him? You’ll kill them. All of them. You’ll hunt them down and-

Wait.

Eyes flickering back open, wide now as you look back at the blond and his strikingly gold eyes, you can’t help but shrink back. What was that? What is this feeling? A deep ache starts in your chest, only growing worse when you put more distance between you. Like you want to be close to him. Like everything you’ve done up until this moment doesn’t matter, and all you want is to just press into him and learn everything about him and protect him.

The man keeps his eyes trained on you, brow creasing when you let out a strangled, confused whine. He takes a step forward, hand reaching out for you, but stops in his tracks when you flinch.

“Are you doing this too?” You demand, practically toeing the edge of the cliff now.

“No.”

As if his words carry magic, your struggling panic eases. You take a deep breath, easing away from the cliff and closer to the handsome stranger. A smile pulls at his lips again, all soft and kind and tempting. For a split second, you wonder what it would feel like to kiss hi-

“Why do I feel this way then?” You wrap your arms around yourself, unnerved by the sudden desires burning under your skin.

The blond raises a confused brow, “I believe you wolves call it ‘imprinting’.”

Imprinting? What on earth does that me-

Your eyes blow wide, voice shrill, “Wolves?”

The man nods. He knows. How does he know? And why doesn’t it bother you that he knows?

You expect the panic to come back, or your wolf to go crazy, but nothing. And it’s not him this time. Instead of any of that, you almost feel…relieved. There’s no need to hide. You don’t want to hide.

 You look at the man again. He should be threatening. Tall stature, lean muscles, and all those scars. But when you look at him, all you feel is the need to be closer. You look at him and you feel safe for the first time in years. Is this what imprinting is?

“Who are you?” You ask, barely above a whisper.

“My name’s Jasper Whitlock,” he hums, inching closer. You don’t back away.

“How do you know I’m…?”

The blond - Jasper - chuckles, the sound warm and rough, “Your kind has a particular scent, easy to recognize. Though yours isn’t that bad.”

Brow furrowing, you have to resist the urge to sniff your clothes, “You can…smell me?”

“Vampires have keen senses.”

Vampires. He’s a vampire. Of course he’s a vampire. Pale skin. Unusually colored eyes. The scent, which has changed since you first caught it. It’s softer somehow, still sweet, but more like caramel and dark chocolate. Addictive.

“So you, you um, and I, okay.” You drop to the ground abruptly, legs folding under you. Your head is spinning with all the new information. “So you’re a vampire?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he drawls, eyes gleaming with amusement as he sits himself a couple feet away from you.

“And you know I’m a werewolf.” A nod. “What is - What did you call it? - Imprinting?”

“You don’t know?” You hunch your shoulders, cheeks growing warm under his curious gaze. Jasper frowns, “I suppose you wouldn’t. My understandin’ is that when your kind imprints, it’s like…findin’ your soulmate.”

Soulmate. That’s…big. It seems life just can’t stop throwing curveballs at you. First the wolf thing, now you learn you have a soulmate. A vampire soulmate. Who looks like a Greek sculpture. While you must look like a mess.

“I can’t believe this,” you grumble, mostly to yourself, but Jasper still hears you if his amused smile is anything to go on. “All I’ve been looking for is another wolf to explain what on Earth is happening to me and instead I find my soulmate, who’s a vampire. I thought werewolves and vampires hated each other? That’s what all the books say!”

“Most humans enjoy exaggerating the details,” Jasper drawls, “Though this is certainly unusual.”

You pout. How are you supposed to react to all of this? On one hand, it’s completely crazy. On the other, he could be the answer to everything you’ve been searching for. He knows what you are, maybe he knows why! Or maybe-

“Do you know other wolves?” You practically jump at him, hope soaring in your chest.

Jasper freezes. His gold eyes go wide, trailing down your arm. Cocking your head in confusion, you follow his gaze. Your eyes go just as wide as his at the sight.

Unbeknownst to you, you grabbed onto his hand, your fingers awkwardly interlacing with his. His skin is cold to the touch, but you feel overwhelmingly hot as your embarrassment skyrockets. You should let go. The man is still a stranger. But you can’t bring yourself to do it. Touching him feels…right. Taking a deep breath, you look back up to his face hesitantly.

The shock is gone, replaced with a look of awe. Jasper slowly shifts his hand, fitting them together more comfortably. Your skin tingles with each touch, your heart dancing wildly in your chest. His eyes dart back up to yours, and the warmth there makes your breath stutter.

“I was worried I wouldn’t be able to handle bein’ around you,'' he breathes, the low hum of his voice quickly becoming your favorite song. You could listen to him for hours and never get bored. “I wanted this to be perfect. I’ve been waitin’ a long while for you-”

“(Y/n),” you supply without thinking.

Jasper smiles softly, repeating it to himself, “(Y/n)...”

And just like that, you find yourself falling for the vampire. Jasper Whitlock. The golden light that came into your life when you were so close to giving up. 

You sit on that cliff for hours, asking countless questions. Jasper answers each and every one of them, the best he can at least. You learn about his family, how they’re different from other vampires and don’t harm humans, a fact that brings you more relief than you expected. He tells you about Alice and her visions, the one she had of you, and his years waiting for you.

You, in turn, tell him about your life as a human. Your small town, your family, and how much you miss them. You recount when you first phased and how you’ve been searching for someone to explain it all. For him.

It’s only when the sun starts to set, painting the sky in dreamy shades of pink and purple, that your conversation trails off into a comfortable silence. You look out across the water, thoughts drifting to your still intertwined fingers. You don’t have the heart to let go, and Jasper seems more than pleased to hold on to you.

“So,” you hesitate. The words stick to your tongue despite how desperately you want to ask them. As if sensing this, Jasper squeezes your hand softly, a silent encouragement. You gather every bit of your remaining confidence, all to ask, “What now?”

He hums and traces his thumb over your knuckles thoughtfully, tenderly, “What do you want to happen, darlin’?”

You don’t have to think about it. The words tumble from your lips readily, “I want to be with you.”

And the smile he gives you is all you need to know you’ve made the right choice. It lights up his whole face, and for a moment, you swear his eyes seem to glow. And, just as you think he can’t look more beautiful, the last few rays of sunlight streak across the cliff, reflecting off his skin like diamonds, surrounding him with an angelic haze. It steals your breath away.

How absolutely gorgeous.

“I think that can be arranged,” Jasper replies, drawing you from your stupor. 

“Good, cause you’re officially stuck with me,” you chirp and lean into his side.

Jasper slips his hand out from yours, leaving you feeling horribly empty, until his arm wraps securely around your shoulders to draw you even closer. The gesture sends pure elation buzzing through your whole body. If you were in wolf form, your tail would be wagging like a tornado. You curl into him, hiding your own smile in his sweater.

When you first phased, you never imagined this is where you would end up.

Maybe fate wasn’t too cruel, after all.

---

Might have a part 2 for this, because I have a funny idea for when they team up with the wolves in Eclipse.

I hope you guys enjoyed it!

[stephstars08]

Childhood Crushes

Jack Champion x Reader

Warnings: FLUFF, Some Adult Language, Worry/Anxiety, Mention of Y/N’s ex-boyfriend, and Maybe Some Grammar Errors. (Sorry I forgot any!)

Summary: Y/N has grown up with Jack until she turned fourteen when she away with to a different state her family. Y/N is finally able to go spend Willa’s birthday with her for the first time since she moved away which also means she will be seeing Jack for the first time since she moved away. Willa believes that Y/N’s childhood crush on Jack has returned but Y/N disagrees. At least in the beginning.

Word Count: 1,532

Author’s Note: Sorry that this is so short! This story takes place during Willa’s birthday! I really got inspired to write this after seeing all the cute pictures Jack had taken with her! This will be my LAST story of 2023!! As I mentioned before after Christmas I will be going down to Disney World to spend the new year so of course I won’t be writing since I will be busy during Christmas and getting ready to go to Disney! I just want to thank you all for the amazing support you have shown on all of my stories this year! This really means the world to me so here is my Christmas gift to you all! I hope you enjoy my last story of 2023 and I can’t wait to share more stories with you all in 2024!

Y/N’s have plane had just landed and she was in an Uber on her way to her best friend’s house. She was so excited to be with Willa since it’s Willa’s birthday and they haven’t seen each other in over a year. Also, Y/N couldn’t remember the last time she spent Willa’s birthday with her. She was also excited to see her other best friend Jack who she hasn’t seen in more than one year.

Y/N has known Willa and Jack since she was a little girl since she basically grew up with them. But when Y/N turned fourteen she moved away since her mom got promoted to a different state by her job. Y/N and Willa really stayed in touch by text messages, phone calls, and video chats. When she first moved her, and Jack also stayed in touch until he got busy with his acting career. Y/N is a bit upset that her and Jack aren’t as close as they were since she had a crush on him growing up.

Y/N always knew that Jack was going to be a big actor and she wants to tell him how proud she is of him, but she’s scared that he won’t respond. As excited, she is to see him, she can’t help but be nervous to see him after all these years.

She can’t help but wonder if that childhood crush will return when she sees him.

********************

Willa was sitting in her living room flipping through the channels on the tv waiting for Y/N to show up. Y/N texted her letting her know that she is in an Uber and should be at her house soon. When Willa heard the doorbell ring, she tossed the remote down onto the couch and quickly got up and went to the door. She thought it was Y/N but when she opened the door, she saw that it was Jack standing there on the porch.

“Oh, it’s you.” Willa said acting all disappointed. “Well, hello to you, too.” Jack said pretending to be offended which made her playfully roll her eyes. “Get your ass in here.” Willa told him as she steps over to the side for him to walk inside.

Once Jack walked inside the house Willa closed the door. “Who are you expecting?” Jack asked her in a curious tone as he followed her over to the couch. “Y/N, she’s able to come here to celebrate my birthday with us.” Willa told him with nothing but excitement in her voice. “That’s awesome!” Jack said with a smile. “It’ll be good to see her again since I haven’t seen her in years.” Jack added.

“I’m going to go get some snacks from the kitchen. What do you want to drink?” Willa said to him. “Water is fine.” Jack answered her question. “Gotcha, I’ll be right back.” Willa said walking out of the living room and into the kitchen.

Right when Jack sat down onto the couch the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it.” Jack called out to Willa as he stood up and walked over to the door. When Jack opened the door there stood Y/N. When Y/N’s eyes met his brown eyes all of those old feelings she had for him quickly flashed through her mind. Let’s just say she wasn’t expecting to see Jack opening the door.

“Y/N?” Jack said surprised by her appearance. She has changed a lot since the last time he saw her, and she changed in a good and beautiful way. “Hey, Jack.” Y/N said with a smile. “It’s been a while.” She added. “Yeah, it has.” Jack said with a nod. “You look amazing.” Jack said still amazed by her appearance. “Oh, thank you!” Y/N said as her heart rate sped up. “You look amazing, too.” Y/N complimented back. “Thanks.” Jack said as he smiled. He brought her in for a quick hug which of course she returned.

“It’s so great to see you again.” Jack told her as his eyes locked with hers. “You too.” Y/N said staring back into his memorizing hazel eyes. They continued to stare into each other's eyes until Y/N heard Willa calling her name. “Willa!” Y/N said walking past Jack. Willa ran up to her and gave her a big hug. “I’m so happy that you’re here!” Willa said holding onto her tightly. “Me too!” Y/N said with a giggle as she returned the tight hug.

********************

It was the next day and Y/N was getting ready with Willa in her bedroom. They are going to a pet farm with Jack and some more of their friends.

“Hey, you never told me what happened between you and that Colin guy.” Willa said as she sat on the end of her bed. “Ugh, he was a complete fucking nightmare!” Y/N said with a groan as she slipped on her pair of black Ugg boots. “Damn, he was that bad?” Willa said in surprise. “He was just so fucking annoying. All he talked about was himself and all the money his parents had.” Y/N explained to her as she rolled her eyes in annoyance that matched the tone in her voice. “Yeah, you don’t need that asshole.” Willa said which made Y/N let out a giggle. “You deserve better than him.” Willa added. “Thanks.” Y/N said grabbing her jacket.

“So, how did it feel to see Jack again?” Willa asked her in a curious tone. “It was good. It felt really good to see him again.” Y/N told her putting on her light jacket. “I’m sure it was.” Willa said as her lips curved up into a smirk. “What?” Y/N said looking at her with a confused look in her eyes. “Oh, c’mon Y/N! I know your childhood crush on Jack has returned.” Willa told her. Y/N should know that Willa can read her like a book. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Y/N said acting oblivious as she looked down at her feet. “Y/N don’t you play dumb with me!” Willa told her in a stern tone as she stood up from her bed. “I saw the way you kept looking at him yesterday.” Willa added folding her arms over her chest. “Willa, I’m telling you it’s nothing.” Y/N told her looking back up at her. “Okay, whatever you say.” Willa said and walked out of her bedroom. Y/N just rolled her eyes and followed her out of the bedroom.

********************

After Y/N went to the pet farm she started to believe that Willa was right. She does think that her childhood crush on Jack has retuned and this time it’s not just a small crush, it’s much bigger this time since puberty hit Jack like a fucking truck.

Every time Jack would look at her or talk to her, she would feel her heartbeat speed up. When she would talk with him it felt just like it was when they were kids. It’s like nothing had changed.

Y/N and Jack took many pictures with Willa and their friends, but they mostly took pictures together with the animals. Before Y/N fell asleep that night she couldn’t help but look at all of the pictures of her and Jack took together on her phone.

********************

It was the next night and Y/N was in Willa’s backyard with friends. They were having a mini birthday party for Willa. Y/N was sitting by the bonfire by herself. “Hey.” She heard someone say. When Y/N looked up she saw it was Jack. “Hi.” Y/N said in a soft voice. “Can I join you?” Jack asked her in curious tone. “Of course.” Y/N answered him. She watched him sit down in the chair that was next to her.

“Willa told me that you’re not going back home till after the new year.” Jack said to her which made her give him a nod. “My family and I always spend the holidays here with the rest of my family, so I’ll be staying here with Willa until they come here.” Y/N explained to him. “I’m glad to hear that since I would love to spend more time with you and catch up with you.” Jack told her. “Yeah, I’d love that, too.” Y/N agreed with him.

“Are you free tomorrow?” Jack asked her in a curious tone. Y/N gave him a nod letting him know that she is free tomorrow. “Great! I know a perfect place we can go hang out at.” Jack told her as his lips turned up into a smile. “Sounds good!” Y/N said as she smiled as well.

As they stared into each other's eyes they stared to lean in. But before their lips could touch one of their friends called Y/N’s name. “Are you going to come help me with Willa’s cake?” The friend asked her. “Yeah, I’ll meet you inside.” Y/N told the friend.

Y/N leaned over and gave Jack a soft kiss on his cheek which took him by surprise. “I’ll be right back.” Y/N told him as she stood up. As Jack watched her walk inside the house his cheeks turned a bright red.

He now knew that Willa was right. Jack’s childhood crush on Y/N has come back.

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

Controversial Character Tournament Round 2: Gamzee Makara from Homestuck vs Maeglin Lómion from The Silmarillion/The Fall Of Gondolin

(remember that these characters are fictional and your fellow tumblr users are real. i will block you if you harass others in the notes, please consider sending your unhinged harassment to my inbox instead)

Propaganda under the cut, may contain spoilers:

Gamzee Makara:

LOVE: - "Okay, so Gamzee is such a divisive character that I even hesitated on choosing "love". Sad clown with an absentee father raised in a fascist dictatorship. Was mind controlled into killing his friends and then mind controlled during a toxic relationship (or two). Suffers from addiction so fandom likes to go "Oh, how scary his withdraws are. Clearly being drugged up was the only thing keeping this THIRTEEN YEAR OLD from murdering his friends (who largely ignored him, insulted him, demeaned him and acted like they wanted nothing to do with him). Having one such friend gently touch his face didn't cure him of his issues (or the mind control) so obviously he is an irredeemable monster and an abuser. This is genetic." I know you've gotten tons of Vriska, so basically insert any of Vriska's apologists' points here." - "Gamzee is a complex character who is used as a puppet both by the other villains of Homestuck and by the arthur. Once someone takes a deeper look at him they might find a tragic character who had lots of chances where he could have gotten onto a better path but those chances were not able to be given or taken. On the flip side Gamzee suffers from some poor writing that leaves aspects of the character to based off poor stereotypes, he also lacks chances to show his internal character as thr story goes on and is treated like a tool by the story. He also killed some fan favorite characters and has a version of himself (homestuck is a multi timeline story) that abused a different fan favorite character." - "I know Vriska is the obvious pick for controversial HS blorbo, but consider: He is the world's shittiest boy. No one knows why he does the things he does he might just be a murderclown but he might be mind controlled or something no one knows and people have really strong opinions on him based on what they believe. He makes me very sad because I did think he was a cool character before he snapped." - "He was written so poorly 💔" - "when i was 12 i had a crush on him i was like a gamzee apologist and i was probably right i dont remember homestuck. i used to listen to icp and think wowww this is just like my clwon boyfriend and giggle and blush and kick my legs and i still do that with my fake boyfriend but hes not gamzee and its not icp and im not 12 but he kind of sounds like gamzee but thats because hes a smoker and he wouldnt listen to icp he likes techno. anyway i used to get so sad when people said they didnt like him because of the killings and i brought him up to my old therapist a couple times thats kind of funny looking back but i would do it again (but not with gamzee. with my fake chain smoker boyfriend who likes techno). anyway anyway my mom listens icp because her old friend from highschool who died was a juggalo and whenever i hear her listen to it i think about gamzee so i havent forgot about him yet. hes wasnt my favorite character thouhg my favorite character was the gemini one (i also had a crush on him when i was 12 i tried to lucid dream to see him once) (it didnt work). ok love you bye." - "-Funny clown -Cares about his friends -Absent parental figure :( -Did some murder but it wasn't his fault really he didn't have all of his mental faculties (see next point) -Got brainwashed by a universe-destroying god that is everywhere and nowhere at the same time through the form of a rapping marionette -The author(s) fucking hates him for some reason and retconned his previous characterization to make him a one-dimensional shitty villain and used canon text to make fun of fans who like him and no I'm not exaggerating -If I don't make him my blorbo who will"

Maeglin Lómion:

LOVE: - "LISTEN okay so he DID betray the city of Gondolin to the guy who literally invented evil, and that DID result in it getting destroyed and a whole bunch of people dying or being taken prisoner (which is probably worse in this instance), and also he DID attempt to throw his cousin's seven-year-old son off the city walls to his death during the attack. BUT. I love him. Also, and more substantially, a) he didn't go out of his way to betray the city, he was taken prisoner and threatened into it, b) he had an incredibly painful history with Gondolin involving both his parents' violent deaths happening like ten minutes after he arrived there, and he was legally not allowed to leave, and c) he was SO YOUNG (only 180! that's hardly anything for an elf!) and he is SO ANGSTY and INTERESTINGLY GOTH and SELF-HATING and I LOVE him. So." - "First of all he was LITERALLY CURSED TWICE OVER so there was NO WAY he was coming to a good end okay. Sure he had a crush on his cousin but he canonically didn't say anything and she only knew because she read his mind and he wasn't able to hide it from her. He had a major éowyn moment (iconic) and was trapped in cage after cage all his life and tbh after what he saw in the Nirnaeth I'm NOT surprised he voted to stay instead of go. Or just told the king what he wanted to hear. Anyway the POINT is that breaking under mental torment to morgoth, whose force and victory he'd seen firsthand, is NOT a moral failing, and idril started conspiring against him before he'd actually done anything wrong. The attempted murder was, admittedly, not great though. But he didn't even SUCCEED like c'mon he just got homoerotically yeeted from a cliff about it. In conclusion: maeglin did nothing wrong except all the things he did wrong, and the version in which he's most openly evil is also the one where both the narrative and the other elves are racist to him so like they had it coming"

[the-amber-raven]

Hi! I just found your account on AO3/tumblr, i've read the buddie on AO3 once before and i loved it. But the most recent one with the Bucktommy one... i stopped everything i did(and the fact that i had a deadline didn't even stop me from reading it) and loved it!

I cried a river when Daniel dissapeared... because i thought maybe he would stay for their whole stay in the Buckleys old house...

It was very beautiful, and i'll probably go back to read it again from time to time!

If you don't mind me asking, did Tommy ended up crying aftee Daniel left? And what were the Buckley siblings reaction? These kept me awake just imagining all their reactions. And with Tommy's ability to speak with ghosts in this universe of yours... what would be your take on Billy Boils?

Sorry for the long ask, i'm just curious on what your take is. And the fact the i love the way you tell the story made me want to know more!

Helllloooo I am so sorry about how long this reply took! I had every intention of replying earlier but then Last Week happened and I got sick this week and its been A Time.

Firstly, thank you so much!! It's so nice to hear that you enjoyed all my stories and that the ghost fic affected you in particular 💚 I've really grown to love that fic - it's different to what I usually write (even though I managed to squeeze some shenanigans in there) but I really enjoyed it.

As for your questions:

Did Tommy cry? Probably eventually yes. I do think he probably would have glanced over at the empty picnic table at one point, after being immersed in the total joy of the Buckley(-Han) family watching the frogs and the juxtaposition probably would have made him tear up. But for tears - I kind of see that sneaking up on him. Like one day, in a few weeks or a few months, he thinks to himself that it's been a while since he spoke to Daniel and it will hit him again that he won't be seeing him again and the grief will come over in another wave that will bring tears along with it.

Buckley siblings reaction... I think Maddie would first just feel really settled that she got to help Daniel move on. She dealt with a lot of her grief during her PPD treatment, so she'd already felt like she'd gotten the chance to say goodbye but the guilt of allowing him to be erased by their parents lingered and knowing that she has now helped him move on eased that. But then something happens - again, it's further down the track, probably months actually because Maddie is pregnant again, and Jee is flipping through all the photos and notes from their adventure around the lake and talking about how much fun it was and how she can't wait to be able to take her new brother or sister there because she loved it so much and wants to share it with them and it just kind of hits Maddie that this is what Daniel was robbed of and the grief rolls in again.

As for Buck, I think because Daniel is still a little bit of an abstract concept for him he also would have first simply reacted by being happy that he had managed to help his brother (the brother that he still sometimes can't help but think he failed despite all the reassurance to the contrary). But they stay in Pennsylvania a few more days, sticking to where they used to live when Daniel was alive, and Maddie sometimes mentions the places they enjoyed going to, like the ice cream parlour they would go to when Daniel wasn't quite so sick. Maddie is able to order the exact same sundae that she tells Buck they got to celebrate their new baby brother. And these anecdotes start to give more life to Daniel, ironically enough, and when they visit Daniel's grave he just gets bowled over with the fact that this was his brother and he is gone. He tries his best to hold in the tears but Tommy clocks his struggles and makes an excuse for them to split from the main group. They go elsewhere in the cemetery - Buck doesn't want to leave yet, because he does want to go back to Daniel's grave - and Buck just cries.

This got super long, so I'm actually going to put the Billy Boils question in a separate post (and also because the ones above got angstier than expected and I feel like it would give you emotional whiplash if I add it here now 😂

[toriafiction]

Lightning in his Eyes and Thunder in his Wings

Author's Note chapter 4

Introducing

Dick "I need to fry some bastards" Grayson

And

Jason "I'll break you if you touch him" Todd

I'm excited about having gotten this far. I personally feel like this is where things really start in a way. Chapters 1 and 2 are backstory, and chapter 3 is the transition, but chapter 4 is the start of what I think of as current time.

You might notice a change in pacing from here on. There won't be any big time skips, just brife mentions of a few weeks passing between point A and point B here and there, but nothing substantial. While the passage of time will be slower, events will pick up.

Years have passed between the events in Titans Tower in chapter 2 and the beginning of chapter 4, and in that time Dick had created a new normal for himself, something that he believed was sustainable. Now, as promised in the story summary, Jason is back and, by merely existing in his space, has awakened something that is going to flip Dick’s world upside down.

Dick isn't human, and he has gotten to complacent with that fact.

This chapter introduces Jason into the story as an interactive character that we are finally getting to see, and I wanted him to come in with a big entrance that felt genuine to the story. This led me to writing my first ever fight scene. This was both easier and harder than I thought it would be. Dick’s sole fight was easy. I wanted to showcase how he used his abilities in a fight and him just being a badass fighter in general, so I just let him kick ass. No problem.

I had a problem after I brought Jason in. I really wanted to have them fighting together, not just in the sense of fighting back to back but actually playing off each other. Such as where Dick rolls across Jason’s back to defend him. I wanted to have more things like that, but I couldn't come up with anything. I even tried looking up fighting videos, and that was a huge bust. I hope I still got the point and the feelings across.

The next problem I had was even worse.

Talking.

I had no idea how to have them interact or what to have them say to each other. I knew the emotions and what the ultimate outcome of the interaction was supposed to be, but I agonized over this tiny little part for weeks. I even wrote around it until I hit the exact same problem with the next chapter.

I was stuck, and at that point, I stepped away from this work for quite a while, and it sat collecting dust in my docs for some time. When I came back, I still didn't know how to write the scene, but I wanted to keep my focus on this story, so this is the point that I started naming chapters. I also changed the name of the fic at this point. I was using a temporary name of "Lightning Strikes Twice." I knew that it wasn't a title I wanted to keep, and while I sometimes worry that my current title may be too long, I am much happier with it.

I finally got over my writer's block with this section while I was at work one day. I was hit with the idea of Dick’s line about Jason being snake bitten, and it seemed to shake everything loose. During my break, I made a rough outline of the scene and jotted down a few ideas for the next, and finally, I was able to move forward again. Yay!

Previous notes- 1st, 2nd, 3rd,

[ohmeadows]

Hey meadows! Hope you're doing well and (bc of recent hyv happenings) inspired. I know that every writer's process is different, but what is your brainstorming/research personally like when you've got an idea for a piece of work? Do you have a bunch of concepts that you wanna narrow down? Or is it a lot of 'uhhh' and then an 'aha!' moment?

hi anon! i'm doing ok, hope you're having a fine day !

my brainstorming/research process often starts with drawing a wide circle. this isn't very precise, but i want a few images to form in my head before i start researching proper. say for ruanliu, it was "mara as flowers bursting from the body" and "cold sterile hands handling a feral jingliu" and i let that marinate for a few days, letting the images become clearer in my head.

then one day i headed to the local uni library and went browsing the natural sciences shelves, picking out some heavy books (on moss, phylogenetics, a textbook on how classify plants) and brought them to a table to flip thru. i browsed through them, allowing myself to just look for anything i found interesting, jotting down words and phrases as i went along. specifically remember saving this img even though i didn't understand it fully just to let it simmer.

i read a lot in the time between original idea and first publishing, as always when i read i mark words and sentences i like and think about how those words work, what they did in the scene, how can i transport that to my own work. i watched a lot of hannibal. i went to plant nurseries and stores just to touch petals and note down how things felt. i looked up recipes for pastries based on flowers. i bought a floral tea and drank a lot. i have a lot of chronic pain and hypermobility issues, so when it flared up during long walks i'd pretend it was flower buds blooming just to be able to write the sensation.

there's an essay i think about a lot when writing these days, where brandon taylor wrote about embodiment in writing, how to transport the characters out of their heads and into action, physicality, into their bodies, and how to marry the interior and exterior in fiction. even if i don't do it perfectly myself, i think about that a lot: what do the actions signify about their internal states? how do their thoughts translate into bodies?

my ideas don't have to be super-clean when i start writing. about 25% is thought up in advance, and the rest comes forth in writing. whatever idea pops up while i'm in the writing process, fingers on the keyboard, i let it flourish for however many paragraphs it wants to test its wings. i edit out a lot later, but in the first draft, everything goes. pour it in. contradict myself. i prefer to get as much on the page as possible before i start fixing and knitting it together.

this answer got away from me again, sorry, but yes. my brainstorming stage is more a string of ideas dumped into a stew and left to simmer for way too long. i seek out physical sensations connected to the story as a way of grounding it in reality. when i'm too tired to write i browse pinterest and look for quotes, making moodboards (the ruanliu one had a lot of decaying flowers, flash-frozen flowers and fashion photography involving flowers).

[silvermaplealder]

Vampire Feed Requirements (informational)

I wanted to go into some depth about feed requirements for vampires in the same sort of strategy that I use for livestock. I wrote a whole funny kinda guide on fanfic .net , but since I don't like that site anymore I wanted to edit my original guide and put it here for you guys to see (also no one called me out on my mathematical mistake where I flipped two numbers rip). I'm also adding a section on using a replacer blood.. Please enjoy my terrible sarcasm and humor. You have no clue how many times I have to write little guides like this for people on Facebook who obtain animals and have no clue how to feed them.

Before I can get down to the numbers of how much blood a vampire would have to drink to survive, I need to state several assumptions:

Since lore does not cover this, I am assuming that fully fledged vampires require blood as their sole nutrient source and are unable to derive nutrients from other foods (though they can eat it and it makes them feel “full”, they will not be able to get their nutrients from it and thus eating it would further starve them). Half vampires seem to be able to digest food just fine, so they can consume and get nutrients from human foods. 

I don’t know the internal anatomy of the vampires, but I am assuming that they have 1 stomach. A human stomach can hold up to about 1 gallon of liquid at max. 1 gallon of blood = around 8 pounds. However, in the bonfire feeding scene the vampires were gorging on blood. It's unclear to tell how much blood they ingested verses just killing for fun.

 I am assuming after they are turned into a full vampire they have new enzymes and proteins that help them with getting the nutrients out of blood.

We are doing all calculations based on bodyweight. I’m going to be using 180ibs as the weight of our vampires, though I'm terrible at judging weight. You can adjust this number for whatever stories you may need to in the future.

The first thing we need to do to get an accurate understanding of how much a vampire should be eating is we need to figure out their weight. When dealing with potentially dangerous critters, it’s okay to estimate to get a general idea if you don’t have a safe management plan to contain and weigh them. Judging from a distance using David and his boys as a general guide, I will assume they weigh between 150ibs - 180ibs. Since they are most often seen feeding together, we can put them into a single feeding group assuming that each will eat their own fill. As a general note, remember that there is usually a pecking order for pack animals, so be aware that one may get more than another. If this is a prolonged issue, consider separating during feeding. 

Now that we have a general number for their weight of 180ibs, we need to figure out another crucial piece of information: what kind of diet are they in need of? There are several main types of diets such as: growing stock, maintenance, and production. Growing stock is for young critters that need the extra energy to grow. Maintenance is for critters that are fully grown and are not putting extra energy out in production. Production is for critters that are actively putting energy towards things such as reproducing, lactating, or other work. Our four vampires here would be considered needing a “maintenance” diet since they are fully grown, and they are not putting energy towards some sort of production (though if they are actively being worked, consider that they will need more calories to help perform these activities). Most maintenance diets need for the animal to have around 2.7% - 3.0% of their body weight in nutritional food per day. 

Seeing the four vampires in question are moderately active and don’t exert too much energy in hunting (looks like a majority of their food comes to them/does not put up very long fights), we will be using 2.7% of their body weight for intake per day. We can determine 2.7% of their body weight with simple math: 

180ibs x 2.7% =  4.86ibs 

Reminder: when multiplying percentages, remember to move your decimal point two spaces to the left! So when you input it into a calculator it should look like this: 

180ibs x .027 =  4.86ibs

Great! So we’ve found out that 2.7% of our 180ibs vampire  is 4.86ibs. But here’s the catch: you can’t just feed out 4.86ibs of blood to the vampires since they require 2.7% of their body weight in caloric intake. Blood is around 55% water, which has 0 calories. 45% of blood is nutrient dense for them to digest (all according to a thing I found on Google). So in reality, feeding a vampire 4.86ibs of blood only gives them 2.187ibs of actual digestible content. Time for some more math! We will need to set up two fractions and cross multiply to find the amount of blood required for the vampires. 

Our first fraction is as follows:

2.187ibs of digestible content

 -------------------------------------

4.86ibs of blood

The fraction above tells us that we currently are only getting 2.187ibs of digestible content out of the 4.86ibs of blood we’ve given them. We will need to set up another fraction to show the amount of digestible content we want to get and find the number of how much blood will that require. 

That fraction is as follows: 

4.86ibs of digestible content

-------------------------------------

X amount of blood

Now it’s time to cross multiply the fractions, but due to the formatting it will not look pleasant on here. If you don't know how to cross multiply, feel free to look it up.

Remember: multiply the 4.86 of blood to 4.86 of digestible content, and then multiply the 2.187 with X to look as follows:

23.62 = 2.187X

Now just isolate the X! Divide both sides by 2.187

10.8 = X

We have now found that each vampire (estimated weighing around 180ibs) will require 10.8 pounds of blood PER day. For 4 adult male vampires, that is 43.2 pounds of blood PER day!

As a little conversion, 1 pound of blood is just about 1 pint. So we’re looking at around 1.3 gallons of blood per vampire per day, or 5.2 gallons for the feeding group.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Geez, that's a lot of blood and I don't know how I'm going to get that much to feed them." The first thing I'm going to say to you is that you shouldn't have gotten a vampire in the first place if you cannot adequately feed them. However, there is a replacer you can use. Animal blood can work to feed a vampire, but it will require more energy for them to convert the digestible calories into usable energy. They will require more caloric intake because their bodies have to work harder to convert the blood to usable energy. I would add an extra 1.35% (which is half of the 2.7%) of their bodyweight. Using the same conversion we did earlier, that looks like:

180ibs x 1.35% = 2.43ibs

Which, remembering that only 45% of the 2.43ibs is digestible (1.09ibs), we need to do the same ratio that we created earlier to determine that we would need an extra 5.42ibs of blood on top of the 10.8ibs we calculated earlier. In total, for a 180ibs vampire to be drinking animal blood, they would need 16.22ibs of blood, or 2 gallons, per day.

Don’t forget about other requirements for the proper care of your vampires. Ensure that they have free choice minerals and consult your local vet to see what kinds of mineral deficiencies are in the blood of your feed. You may need to give periodic vitamin or mineral injections.

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

2 + 3 + 12 + 33!!!!

had to fish around to find that ask game again!!!!! also hiiiii better late than never :))) :}}}}} <3 i need to tell u smth abt kleo i have Thoughts (not big thoughts this sounds as if its big it isnt i just reconsidered my initial statement that u might not like iiiiit)

2. anything that you'd like to write but feel that youre unable to??

oh yes!!! so much!!!!! even the things im writing bring me constantly into a situation of hair-tearing-out crying-clawing-screaming hitting-head-against-the-wall. i flip-flop between thinking i cant even write what im writing and thinking that im kinda decent. hhhhh. anyway!!!!!

i want to write a solid longfic with extensive worldbuilding. it doesnt matter the genre, just solid and rich worldbuilding where the writing stays consistent and steady until the end is already good. but if i could specifiy, i yearn for it to be a canon compliant/canon divergence/canon era fic with a unique take on canon. i want to write canon era fics in general, but im always hesitant to. i know what happens when i fall into a research hole, it fires up my anxiety. and i want to write scifi or a cool space opera. and i want to be able to write novel fic (of tyk) and not want to die during the process. all these things feel impossible to me :]]]]]]]]

3. how would u describe ur writing style?

i had to think about this for a bit!!!! because my writing style is unfortunately directly connected to my mental stability which is not always. stable. huehe. hmmmm i think my style (given that im doing good!) leans very hard into economical but evocative storytelling; like, i mean the rhythm of oral storytelling. stream of consciousness. prose poetry. poetry slam. i want the words to explode in your mouth and i want it to paint a very clear image in your head. i want people to hear me telling the story! even if the reader (or listener!) cant be there to experience it for themselves, at least i can tell them about it! thats probably because my first experience with story as a concept comes from audio dramas and generally someone reading something to me. thats honestly still the medium i prefer, tbh.

12. if you write in more than one language, whats the difference?

TvvvvvvT

currently i dont write in more than one language, if u dont count non-fictional handwriting bc i write all my notes in my native language. but i still remember how it used to be to write creatively in german. like im always whining about how difficult it is to cast the same image in english as in german; i just dont have that fine motor control over english as i have over german. i can easily switch between gears in german but english still ,, befuddles me pfft. its most noticable when im mucking around drafting and spend more time thinking about fun stuff like correct grammar and correct sentence structure and which word means what in english, than about the story and the characters. it takes so much energy and effort to think about and of all of this, there is barely any space left for the story that im trying to tell. which is def a major drawback for me and one of the reasons that ive been considering to start writing in german again. even though i have uh some baggage there that i dont really want to face. language is so connected to identity and culture. and thats another reason why english is difficult; i know english, aside from school, mostly from usamerican books or from online interactions with usamericans or people talking usamerican. so that has ofc heavily influenced my own english. like, i set all my stories in germany for reasons, but its stupidly hard to draw up the cultural markers because the language itself that im using is already coming with cultural influences from another country. its really strange and confusing, and i would find it fascinating and interesting if it wasnt so frustrating. sometimes it feels like there is a veil between me and what im trying to say, and also as if my thought patterns dont work as they would because the language that should just be a tool to tell a story is already so dominant. thats def smth i hope to change in the future

33. give your writing a compliment!

hmmm. its very earnest. reading my own stuff, even old stuff, i can tell what sort of struggles made it hard to get smth specific onto the page. and sometimes what ends up on the page is not what was supposed to be there in the first place. but its earnest and i can see that. its always the best i can do in that moment, and its always a piece of me because i give so much of myself during the process. thats not always a good thing but its how i am. im glad the earnestness, the sincerity, the love, the faith, the hope, is so visible to the bare eye.

yet another writing ask

[rmoonstoner]

So Strange

***

Note:

I am starting at the point of when Stephen is already in Tibet. We don't need a retelling of the story on how he got there, because it's literally the same.

First chapter is a bunch of memories/small blerbs about events that are different from the Canon timeline.

Warnings:

No major warnings at this time. Just a lot of whumpy feelings. Maybe some traumatic experience memories. Foul language. Story is PG to start, but will progress to NSFW/18+ eventually, with Stephen being paired with the fem!reader at a later date.

No one has proofread for me. If you are interested, please let me know. If you would like to be tagged, please let me know.

***

Chapter 1 - So Strange

***

How did he get here? He knew how, but why had he allowed himself to get to this low of a level, before reaching out for help. He was a jaded man that was desperate for his old life back, and in that desperation, he had rejected the ones he cared about most in this world. He had outright lashed out at the love of his life, because he couldn't accept his fate.

He tried everything to fix it, but nothing worked past getting his hands good enough to hold a cup, let alone being able to write. He once had beautiful writing, but now it looked worse than a family doctor's chicken scratched prescriptions.

He had exhausted all of his options, and when they all eventually failed, he would throw a fit and lash out at anyone whether or not they deserved it.

They never deserved it.

His friends and family, and eventually, his girlfriend all left him. They couldn't tolerate his crazed rants or frenzied plans to regain the original movement he once had in his hands. He had become ruder and meaner then he used to be. Now he resembled a very grumpy old man. He even had the scraggly beard, unkempt hair, and he looked older than he did during the accident. The graying streaks on the slide of his head were now more prominent and turned white from the stress and his constant misery. It was evident on his face where the wrinkles deepened.

Now here he sat, on dusty stone steps, watching the world go by as he leaned against the heavy wooden door of the Kamar-Taj. He had been turned away when he first arrived. It had been seven days since he refused to budge from the spot.

He was growing weaker by the day, having spent every last cent to his name. He only held a shitty flip phone and the watch he was gifted by his ex.

He was losing almost any hope of gaining entry to this mysterious place that claimed to be able to heal injuries that even his own colleagues could not (and did not want to) fix.

It came down to selling his watch. The only thing of sentimental value he had left of his beloved. He knew it held more monetary value and he needed food to survive…

So, as his stomach threatened to burn holes through his lining, he finally broke down and decided to sell the watch.

For the first time in days, he decided to leave the steps, going farther into the market with purpose. More so then when he went into the market when just going to find a spot to relieve himself.

He wandered the market, looking for a stall that would take his broken keepsake. He knew it was worth a pretty penny, even if it had damage. The glass plate could be replaced and the gears inside just needed to be realigned. After visiting three stalls, he finally found one that appeared to show interest in the watch. He was just trying to barter with one merchant, and getting told a resounding no, when another overheard the conversation.

"Excuse me, I saw that you're trying to sell your watch. May I have a look at it?" It was an old woman with a veil over her face.

She was dressed in old yellow robes and scraps of cloth. She didn't appear to be the type that could offer him anything helpful, but he was desperate. For once, he kept his snarky comments to himself and approached her with a slow nod.

"Yes. Yes, I am trying to sell my watch." He replied and held up the item in question. She glanced down and hummed.

"Aren't you that man that's been camped out on the temple steps for the past week?" She asked, and he nodded.

"The same one that was almost robbed of this very watch that you claimed meant the world to you?" She asked another question and he didn't hesitate.

"Yes." He murmured softly.

"Why have you changed your mind?"

"I… The person who gave this to me is no longer in my life, because I allowed my anger and my depression to get the better of me. I was cruel to her and pushed her away. It's value to me is no longer sentimental, but now a constant and unbearable reminder of how I failed her, and everyone around me."

"Ah, I see. It sounds more like you failed yourself by being much too harsh on yourself. Tell me, young man, what is it you need the money for?" She asked as she looked up to see his tired looking face.

"I am hungry. I need food. I am cold at night, and my blankets have holes. I want to use some of the money to use the bathhouse, because I am sure I smell terrible." Stephen explained through tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.

"Well you certainly do smell terrible. Tell you what, I shall give you a basket of fruits and veggies, some cheeses, dried meats, nuts, seeds, and grains. I can add bread and some water. On top of this, I will give you more every day for as long as you need, if you agree to help me with my chores. I cannot offer you a place to stay, but I can help you look for one." She said with a calm and kind voice.

He mulled it over for a few seconds, trying to decide if this was really worth giving away his watch. The woman waited patiently as he thought about it.

He was stuck in Tibet, with no money, and nothing else to his name. His hands were crippled and he was useless to find a normal job. His clothing was in tatters, and he had been starved for weeks, just barely able to get by.

"I… I accept your terms. What do you want me to do?" He sighed in defeat and passed the watch over to her.

"Thank you, Stephen. Here's your basket of goodies, and I'll see you again tomorrow at noon back here." The old woman said as she handed him a basket that definitely wasn't there before.

"Thank you, kindly." He was too hungry to question it, or how she knew his name. She hadn't turned the watch over to see the back engraving.

"Wait. Please take this as well." She added with a smile as he produced a weathered old guitar and a pack of new strings.

Stephen stared at the guitar, wondering if she'd lost her mind. It was such an insensitive gift, given that he had showed her his hands, yet he said nothing and took the gift anyway. He slung the guitar over his back and set the strings into his pocket as he thanked her again, but when he turned around, she and her stall were gone.

Baffled, he made his way back to the steps at the temple, sitting down and digging into the food he had received. He decided it was well worth the indentured servitude that was to come. He didn't even look at the guitar that night.

***

The next day, Stephen had returned to the old woman's stall. It felt like it was a few blocks closer then it was the day before, and Stephen was absolutely certain it was twenty blocks away, and not sixteen. He dismissed the oddity as her not being able to set up in the same place as before. Perhaps some other merchant had taken her previous spot. He didn't even bother to go check.

Today he was tasked with hanging up fabrics for one of her stall neighbors. It took him over an hour, but they were patient with him as he painstakingly clipped hangers to each garment and hung them up on hooks. He was given a basket of food, a voucher for the bathhouse, and then told to come back at the same time the next day.

Stephen happily went to the bathhouse with his basket and found a small spot in a corner next to a grumpy looking bald man. He was careful to avoid bothering him as he got to the stall where he was supposed to do a proper cleaning, before stepping foot into the shared water space.

He took his bags, the guitar, and his clothing off, setting them down in a way that gave him barely any privacy. He washed himself efficiently, but harshly, trying to scrub every bit of dirt and grime away as best as he could. His doctor's training had him washing certain areas repeatedly, to the point of using the sponge to turn his skin red. He even took the time to clean under his nails and wash his face and hair thoroughly, before he stepped into the warm pool of water.

"You sure took a long time over there." The man in the pool said.

Stephen blinked when he heard perfect English and he turned his head to look at him.

"I… I uh… I was backpacking for a while. Haven't had a chance to bathe."

"But you used the entire bar of soap."

"I like to be extra clean."

"You washed everything four times."

"I used to be a surgeon. Old habits die hard." Stephen sighed and he slowly sank down to his shoulders and leaned against the wall.

"A surgeon? Then why do you look like a homeless bum?"

Normally, Stephen would have been offended and had a snarky remark to show just how offended he was, but he had the wind knocked from his sails recently. He just sighed deeply and held his scarred and twisted looking hands up to show the man.

"Oh… I'm sorry I asked."

"It's alright. That was my old life. I'll never be a surgeon again." Stephen's voice was hollow as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the water.

"Why are you here, then?"

"I came here in the hopes of finding the Kamar-Taj and maybe receive help in repairing my hands. I apparently can't get them to even open the door for me." Stephen explained while he rubbed his tired feeling legs.

"Oh? They don't just let anyone in, you know."

"I know. I've given up for a bit. I am helping out a merchant with her stall to pass the time. She gives me food and drink, and she gave me a voucher to come here, so I don't scare her customers away with my funk." He laughed as he looked at his hands. They still had dark creases, stains from going so long without a cleansing.

"Well, perhaps you should take this time to help her and regain your strength."

"Yeah. I think I will."

The two men talked for a while. Stephen learned that his name was Hamir and that he lived nearby. He told Stephen stories of the local lore, areas to avoid, and areas that were a must see. Stephen offered to share his goodies with him, and they both happily ate and exchanged stories about their lives.

It wasn't long, before Hamir had to go, and Stephen decided he should leave as well. Again, he made his way back towards the temple with his little half empty basket and fell asleep against the doorframe.

***

For three weeks, Stephen kept coming back to the old woman's stall to do small tasks for her. Each time he made the journey, he found the stall had gotten closer each time. Fifteen blocks away, then twelve, and then ten. He thought it was very peculiar that she kept moving her stall, but he didn't question it at all. When the stall couldn't get any closer to the Kamar-Taj, it stayed still and didn't move again.

He also started to mess around with the guitar over these weeks. He tried it out and hated how the tuning sounded. He changed the strings and tuned it perfectly, yet his fingers could barely play. He would only practice when he sat at the steps of the temple, and he sounded awful.

He spent a week folding fine linens and packaging them up into protective canvas sacks. After work he would go back to the temple and practice until he fell asleep.

He spent another week hanging herbs and spices to dry. Again, he would go back and practice the instrument.

On the third week, he helped pack jars and envelopes with dried spices. He didn't even realize that each task was gradually getting harder and longer, nor did he notice that was gradually getting better at handling the guitar. He still sounded terrible, so he didn't even notice.

By the beginning of the fourth week, Hamir had found him again. Stephen was busy beating dirt and dust from the mats of several stalls around the one the old woman had. He was covered in dirt and sweat as the man approached the old woman and chatted with her for a few moments. Stephen glanced up and noticed Hamir, giving a wave, before going right back to work on the last mat.

"Hello! It's good to see you again!" Hamir said as he came up to Stephen. He didn't seem to mind the dust flying at him as Stephen worked.

"Hello, Hamir. It is good to see you again." Stephen greeted back with a half smile.

"I see you're working hard, just like you said you would." Hamir commented, causing Stephen to chuckle.

"I am trying to earn my keep. Granny Tilly has been so kind and patient. I owe it to her to help out, even if I am only able to do minimal tasks."

"Don't you find it beneath you?"

"I used to… But now… I am just grateful for any help that I can get." Stephen quietly admitted.

Hamir raised his brows and then gave Stephen a smile as he watched the broken man put the mat down and roll it up. Once he was done, he patiently stood back as he watched the old woman make up a small basket for Stephen to take away. Stephen gave his thanks and went to leave, when Hamir asked to accompany him back to wherever he went after work.

Along the way, Hamir asked Stephen a series of questions.

"Where do you go after work?"

"I go back to the temple and I sit outside of the doors. I practice with this old guitar that Grandma Tilly gave to me. I'm not very good at it."

"I see. Do you even knock? Surely they can hear you playing."

"Oh, yes. Certainly. I knock when I get back, but no one answers. I knock when I wake up, and again, no one answers. I've seen people go in and come out, but never when I am sitting by the door. By the time I can reach the door and knock, no one comes. When I play, no one complains or tells me to stop." Stephen said sadly and he flexed his hands repeatedly while switching the basket to his other hand every so often.

"Perhaps you need to do something else to gain their attention. Are you musically inclined at all?" Hamir asked with a small smile, but Stephen's face didn't change much from his pitiful expression.

"No. I don't play anything well. I've just been trying to get my fingers to move enough to make the chords."

"Shame-"

"But! I am very good at hearing pitch and tone, and I know all the musical terminology. I can tell you any song after hearing only a few seconds of it. Uh, if I have heard it before and know the name."

"Really?"

"Yes. There's an app that does that as well, and I can beat it frequently. I just need to hear a song once in its entirety to be able to remember it." Stephen said with a small smile beginning to develop at the corners of his face.

Hamir seemed both impressed and skeptical at this information. Without another word, he fished out a small iPod from his robes and turned it on. In seconds, a tune was playing, and Stephen's eyes lit up.

"Freebird, by Lynyrd Skynyrd. It came out in the beginning of November 1974, but was made in April on the 3rd, the previous year." He compulsively blurted out the answer and a little bit more. Hamir grinned and immediately changed the song.

"Wannabe, by the Spice Girls. Released on June 26th, 1996." Stephen happily said. Again the song changed.

"Boulevard of Broken Dreams, by Green Day. It was put out on November 29th, 2004." Stephen was now becoming excited.

He enjoyed this little game, and he missed it terribly when Christine and the other medical staff used to play it with him. Hamir was now fully invested in this, now actively looking for songs to stump Stephen. He picked an obscure song, hoping it would. Not even ten seconds into the song, Stephen snapped his fingers and hopped up and down with an answer.

"Maxwell's Silver Hammer. The Beatles. Recording started on July 9th through to the 11th, and finished on August 6th of 1969. It was released on September 26th the next month." Stephen had a good hold on the song.

Almost every song Hamir presented to him, he genuinely enjoyed. He wasn't a fan of the Spice Girls, but it didn't bother him.

"Fantastic job, but are you willing to keep this game going?"

"Oh, yes. Throw anything you want at me. If you stump me, that'll surprise me. All I ask, is that if I haven't heard it, that we listen to it in its entirety, then you tell me what it's called and the artist who made it."

"Deal. I'll even do you one better. I'll let you read the Wiki page for it, so you can get all the neat little facts. Next, try this one." Hamir grinned as he hit play on the next song.

"Get Along. It is the theme song to the Japanese Anime, Slayers, season one. It aired on April 7th, 1995. It was performed by Megumi Hayashibara and Masami Okui, and the lyrics were written by Satomi Arimori. It was composed by Hidetoshi Satō, and it was arranged by Tsutomu Ōhira." Stephen said, much to Hamir's surprise.

"How the hell did you even know that one?"

"My ex's niece used to watch it. I found it… Weird, but it was entertaining. I enjoy that animation style quite a lot actually. A little odd they focused a lot on how large the main character's breasts were. That shouldn't be an issue when Lina is a powerful sorceress that can burn a man to a crisp." Stephen said as he went into detail about the show. He wouldn't admit it, but he loved anime for the extremely complicated magic portrayal they had.

"Well I don't think I am going to use any more anime, then. Here, try this one on for size." This time Stephen was listening for a good forty seconds, and Hamir thought he had finally stumped Stephen, when Stephen again, spoke up.

"Yuve Yuve Yu, by The Hu, and that's H U, not W H O. I was told it was released in 1998."

"Okay, now how do you know this one?"

"I heard it at the airport when I first came here. I liked it enough, that I asked who the artist was."

"I'm impressed. Ah, it looks as though we have arrived at the temple." Hamir announced as he motioned to the door.

Stephen frowned. For the first time in a while, he had been genuinely enjoying himself and now it was cut short.

"Oh… Yeah… I guess you have to go now, right?"

Hamir nodded and waited. Stephen stared at him, then looked back at the door. Reluctantly, he went up and gave a good couple of knocks and stood back to wait. After a few moments, Stephen sighed and his shoulders slumped.

Hamir stepped forward. Stephen was confused, because no one had answered. Was is friend going to try again for him?

Hamir got up to the door and cleared his throat, before knocking a certain way.

Knock, knock.

Pause.

Knock.

Pause.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Hey, it's alright. They won't answer." Stephen sighed and placed a hand to Hamir's shoulder.

No sooner had he spoken, then the door opened with a loud creak. The same man that had saved Stephen from his attack earlier that month was standing there with a hard look on his face that quickly changed when he saw Hamir.

"Oh! Master Wong! It's good to see you! How was your day out?" The man said as he respectfully bowed before Hamir.

Stephen's face fell into shock as Hamir smiled and bowed back. His jaw slowly dropped and Hamir turned to him with twinkling eyes.

"Master Mordo, can you please get some tea ready for my guest?" Hamir requested and he motioned for Stephen to come forward.

Stephen's mouth snapped shut and he came over while looking particularly nervous. Hamir let him in, while Mordo left to grab some tea.

"Master… Wong?" Stephen asked and looked around the inside of the building as he processed the title's meaning.

"Ah, yes. My name is Master Hamir Wong. Please, just call me Wong. I am one of the many masters here at the Kamar-Taj. Please, have a seat."

Stephen was promptly given a chair to sit in, with it literally being shoved under him. He sat down awkwardly and looked around, finding no one there that could have shoved the chair at him. When he looked back, there was now a coffee table, and a cup of steaming hot tea.

"So, Doctor Strange… I've gotten to know you over a few meetings. I've seen the good you've been doing for Grandma Tilly, and the other market vendors. She's said that you don't complain about the tasks she gives you, but you do moan and mope about your lost life and your sore hands. I mean, that's fair, given everything you have gone through."

Stephen hung his head and went to pick up the tea cup with both of his shaking hands as Wong continued to speak.

"I also know why you came here. You wish to heal yourself. I believe you can, and move on from the sadness you are drowning in. With time, you will even regain almost one hundred percent of the use of your hands."

Stephen's face lit up and he sat up in his seat. He looked down at his twisted fingers and then back up at Hamir.

"Almost completely?" He asked hopefully. A small part of him still clung to the idea that he could go back to his glamorous old life of being a surgeon.

"That depends on you, and your willingness to surrender yourself to our teachings." A familiar voice rang out.

Stephen looked over to see the old woman he had been helping. She had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, and now she looked far younger than she did before. She was dressed in golden robes with fine embroidery, and she gave Stephen a knowing smile.

Again his jaw dropped.

"Grandma… Tilly?"

"Yes, but also no. My name is Master Yao, but everyone calls me the Ancient One. I am pleased that you have proven yourself worthy enough to gain entry into this place. I had Master Mordo and Master Wong follow you around. Mordo stayed hidden, up until you were assaulted, then he vanished again to keep an eye on you. Wong's role to was to see how you react to others that weren't helping you with anything, except friendship."

"So… You were testing me all that time?"

"Yes, Stephen, I was. I have seen many possible futures, and instead of being harsh on you, I decided that we should take a different path, the one you've just gone down. It was either that, or the path where I put you in your place by sending you to Mount Everest to nearly freeze to death."

Stephen's face fell and he looked confused.

"What? Possible futures? Choosing a different path? What does that mean?" He asked and she slowly sat down in front of him.

With a wave of her hand, she made another teacup appear on the table, and then it began to fill with with piping hot tea. Stephen watched, transfixed as she had a sip, and started to move her hand. The tea cup set itself down onto the table and she gave him a smile.

"It means, that had you been allowed to enter our sanctuary the first week you arrived, you would have been ten times more insufferable than your current self." She explained and showed him a small viewing orb with scenes of him helping her and the other merchants.

"By asking for your help as a feeble old woman, you learned to listen to others that you once considered beneath you. It allowed you to work on using your hands and getting used to real work again. It helped you calm down, and be less angry with yourself and the world. It taught you respect and manners, and how to take what life gives you and be less, how the kids say, angsty about it." When Yao finished, the orb faded away, the last image was of Stephen giving her the watch.

Stephen was mesmerized by the display of what he could only call magic. It explained the appearing chair when no one was there. It explained the suddenly there tea, with no sign of Master Mordo, the one who was tasked with getting the tea in the first place. It explained the viewing orbs and the way the woman had made her own tea appear, and even tilted the cup to show him how it was slowly filling with tea.

But that wasn't possible, was it?

Sure, there were supernatural things out there, but science had explained almost all of them

Tony Stark's whole deal with his technology and the reactor core in his chest. But it was science, not magic.

How genetics had mutated the human genome to create Mutants, Inhumens, Spiders, and other closely related things. Again, science.

Black Widow and Captain America were modified through scientific testing and research.

Hawkeye had professional training to be the sharp shooter that he was. That was a special science as well.

Doctor Bruce Banner, a man Stephen highly respected, had been turned into The Hulk by Gamma radiation when he really should have died…

But it did not explain how the Mighty Thor could use a hammer that seemingly had no tech inside to power it, or help the supposed God fly. It didn't explain the lightning, or the basic fact that Thor, was most indeed, Thor from the legends.

It did not explain Wanda, the Scarlet Witch. Her name was literally screaming, 'Magic!'

He looked down at his tea, and smacked his lips, then he looked up at Yao. He was starting to think that he might have possibly been drugged with something. Maybe she had been microdosing him with mushrooms or something…

"And no, Doctor, it's not psilocybin, or LSD, or anything else for that matter. It is just tea, with a little honey. What you are seeing is very real, and you can learn to do it, too." She said calmly as she pulled yet another orb up and showed Stephen images from his past.

It started with his sister's death, moved on to him studying, then showed him graduating.

A whole montage of Stephen played while he was working at the hospital. It showed him moving up in the rankings of the best surgeon in the city within weeks of landing a job. Within three months, he had become a sensation in the medical world, and was the top surgeon for all of the world.

But then more of those hospital images played, showing just how dark and unkind Stephen had become over time. It showed the many people he had refused, just because their insurance wouldn't cover the procedures, or that they just weren't interesting cases. A high mortality rate followed his refusal to do those surgeries, and the ones that lived, had twisted and horrible lives.

It showed the one man he had refused. The one that was desperate and begged Stephen to take his case, but the doctor had given him a resounding 'No.' Stephen wasn't swayed by the tears he had shed. It was the same man Stephen had later begged and pleaded with to share his secrets to his healing process.

Another image played, going to the car accident. Stephen could have sworn he saw two images playing at once. One appeared to show the actual crash, exactly how it happened, with him ending up with his broken hands. The other that overlapped it, showed the same crash, but Christine was with him, and she ended up dead.

He was horrified to see that secondary image. He felt goosebumps prickle his skin all over, and he swallowed thickly, before going for his tea. He never even thought about that possibility. Stephen grabbed his tea and drank another sip, thankful that didn't actually happen to him, even if it felt very real.

"Now, Doctor Stephen Strange, a doctor by experience and title. You will never be the man you once were. You've been through a lot, and now is the time for your metamorphosis. Do you wish to see the world the way that we do?"

Stephen didn't hesitate. He nodded vigorously and put his tea down to clap his hands together. If he could achieve these things, he wouldn't need medicine anymore. He could live his life, becoming one with the world, and hopefully heal his hands and his very soul.

He didn't even stop to think about a valid protest to her offer. The fact she had already stated she had seen possible futures, told him she had lived this moment before. That she already dealt with him, and he had been just as snotty and snide as he had been a year prior. From what she had done and shown him, he was ready to believe her more easily this go around.

He also didn't even want to think about the fact it was possible he had already lived that moment as well.

Yao smiled warmly at him and nodded as she picked up her tea and had a long sip. When she put it down, the cup was empty, save for some bits of tea leaves at the bottom.

"Prepare to be open with me. Let your mind settle, and close your eyes. Surrender yourself to the flow of energies that make up this world, and the Multiverse."

Stephen closed his eyes, yet his mind did not clear. He was stuck on the word 'Multiverse' and he felt a pit in the bottom of his gut as his brain went into overdrive.

Flashes of being here, doing this, and meeting these people, all zipped through his mind. He saw many different versions of this single moment. Ones where he was explosive and in full denial of what was happening, to others where he sat quietly and asked far too many questions, and the more he asked, the less he knew. Then some of them showed images of himself where his hands were straight up gone, and more still where they had absolutely nothing wrong with them. The last one being what she had told him. All of them showed him doing great things with magic, things he had only ever seen on television.

Those variants of these events showed him what he could become, and gave him glimpses of what his world would be like.

He was terrified to say the least.

But then a sudden thought entered his mind.

Would this all have happened if he had chosen music over medicine?

His sister Donna had always enjoyed music. They used to play the guessing game he had played with Wong and his colleagues. Donna had happily played with him whenever he had asked, and she made it her mission to try to stump him whenever she could. She once told him he should be a guitarist, because he had long and thin fingers.

He never did, and instead, took up medicine when she died. He vowed to save every life that he could from then on.

Then the thought of all those he had turned away entered his mind and Stephen broke down, tears silently streaking down his face. He couldn't even do that, because he had become cocky and forgotten the reason why he even became a doctor in the first place. He became too self assured and bored. He wouldn't take a case, unless it was extremely baffling and new, or if it wasn't, it had to be a good paying job. He didn't do charity work, unless it was a challenge or fame was attached.

Stephen was about to open his eyes, when Yao hummed.

"Keep them closed, doctor. We're not finished, yet."

Stephen listened, and he tried his best not to let a sob break the silence of the room. He knew he looked pathetic, crying like a child in front of people he barely knew, but he didn't care at this point. If these people hadn't let him into their lives, he probably would have done something incredibly stupid.

The darkness he saw while his eyes were closed suddenly became a bright and multicolored array of lights. He could hear music playing, one of his favorite songs, Interstellar Overdrive, by Pink Floyd.

In an instant he was jolted forwards, with everything in his vision flying past him as he was moved through outer space. He zipped past nebulae and galaxies. He slowed down when he went by stars, planets, and moons, giving him just enough time to really get a good look. A large rocky belt of debris floated around him as he witnessed a supernova and an explosion of comets as a direct result.

All the bright colors against that vast black expanse filled his very soul with wonder and awe. He took in everything, feeling like this was only real in his dreams or the actual vastness of space.

The scenery changed again and he was suddenly flying back through space, going directly towards a certain blue and green planet. In the blink of an eye, he could now only see the surface of what he assumed was Earth as he was sent shooting towards Tibet and back into his body at the Kamar-Taj.

The landing was not graceful. He came into contact with his body, just like he would have if he had hit the ground from a twenty story fall, but all that physically happened, was him falling off of his chair to the floor. He landed on his ass with a loud thump and he gasped as his eyes opened. He had even more tears of emotion on his face and his beard were soaked, as was the collar of his ratty shirt and jacket.

"Please, Master Yao, teach me." He begged as he got to his knees while holding his hands in a silent prayer.

"And so it shall be done, Doctor Stephen Vincent Strange."

***

Note:

Hamir the Hermit was comic book Wong's father. We don't get a first name for Wong, but I thought it would be neat if he had his father's name. It's relevant to the next chapter. Let me know what you think.

First chapter and name of the fic is So Strange, by Polyphia.

Tags:

[remidyal]

Perspective Flip: 12 hours

BTS: Missing

Fusion Dance: High fantasy (like Tolkien style), Dreams

OKAY you're getting slightly shorter ones since you did three but I'm also thrilled to do all of these. By its nature there will be some spoilers for all three of these stories in this post, though the scene from Dreams is fairly early on in that fic and so is the chapter from Missing:

Twelve Hours, Aelwyn's perspective near the end.

Aelwyn's fingers itched as the ritual to settle the seven of them back in time worked. She'd been preparing for this day for a long, long while, not just for what happened during the ritual - hard enough, certainly enough to exhaust any normal wizard - but for what would need to happen after.

Kalina had never approached her during the time stop. Hopefully, that meant Kalina had no idea what was happening during the time stop, no idea of Aelwyn's growth as a wizard, of her freedom from the Geas that she'd been forced to put on herself, of any of it. Aelwyn had had five years to get ready for this, to try to get away from everything and everyone that had bound her.

The only sad part of it, much as she hated to admit it, was that she'd have to turn on Adaine one more time, but it wasn't like she was really betraying her. She was just… not going to go to prison.

Maybe she'd invite Adaine, eventually. With the extra years of training and all the information she'd given, they should have no trouble with Kalvaxus, at least; Aelwyn herself had looked into places that might be reasonable to set herself up. Outside of Solace, for a start. There was a lake isolated in the woods of the baronies that she might be able to do something with.

Maybe she would build a tower.

She turned to Adaine, now that the world was moving once more around them, now that Adaine was talking about having to deal with the fallout of half a decade and half a day ago, and was shocked to find that there were tears in her own eyes as she went to say goodbye, in her own way.

"…Aah. Adaine. It's fine. I've learned.. I've learned a lot of really important things, these past few years. About how important it is to have others helping you, and about how much I might have hurt.. you and others. And I am sorry for that. I do love you. But most importantly, I've learned… I've learned from Arthur Aguefort that if you're a powerful enough wizard and you have enough wards on your house, you can get away with any number of crimes and the government can't really stop you."

She was proud of her sister; Adaine at least made a try at a counterspell, which was better than any of those other suckers. She'd send an invite in a few months, after all.

NEXT! A bit of commentary on a chapter for Missing. I'm going to do this on the first chapter:

Missing is a much more fly-by-night fic than my other big D20 multichapter, Lunacy. Lunacy I have known how it will end since before I started writing it, though the path it's been planned to take has changed more than a few times. There were three big 'event' scenes that were signposts for me - Adaine biting Aelwyn and the two of them having their conversation in the jail, Aelwyn's rescue and subsequently the detect thoughts, and then the climatic end sequence that is as yet undisclosed to anybody.

Missing, I started with a beginning and it's kind of playing out from there, though there are a few notes I knew I wanted to hit. Specifically, that the girls would start with a decent amount of resources but lose those over time to ill fortune and to not being prepared for the streets, and then coming back into their own through struggles. I also knew I wanted to make this version of Aelwyn braver, but not necessarily THAT much braver. She makes the choice to help Adaine, after years of not acting, but she was strongly considering running away herself anyways, and it's only because she's literally watched her sister almost die repeatedly to her father that she finally snapped and ran.

That being said, it's still a bold choice, and maybe not the wisest one. For this story, centered on two characters who are INCREDIBLY young especially for the first stretch, it's pretty important to me that they make mistakes and foolish choices at the same time as they're also acting incredibly brave and resourceful and having what is, really, an adventure of sorts. Aelwyn's planned, and prepared, but it should be obvious on many thoughts from an adult's perspective reading that she simply HASN'T considered everything; she's got in many ways a very sheltered upbringing, and one that a few months sneaking out can't really cover up. (This is why she has a -2 wisdom.) Adaine's usually a bit more thought through, in spite of being younger, but she's going to make errors and plenty of them too.

In general, I think the first chapter does a very good job establishing all of this - that Aelwyn's just a bit bolder, why that's enough for her to run and take Adaine, that she hasn't really got a plan for what to do next beyond just 'have some money', and that she's truly justified and right to take the action she does here.

Last, a request was made for a scene from Dreams in a Tolkein-esque High Fantasy style, and.. this one is I think going to be the worst of these three, haha. Not really my style, but… Have Adaine and Riz meeting for the first time in that sort of setting rather than in school, with Kalina whispering in Riz's ear.

It was a dark night in the district near the inn, where Riz regularly kept his eyes out to make certain nothing was going to disturb the town. Kalina had convinced him long ago that making a fuss wasn't helpful, but it was still best for him to watch for people who might commit crimes, who might cause trouble in the town… his mother had been entrusted with the village's safety, after all, and it was on him to help her out with that job.

So he definitely noticed the small figure that was moving towards the inn, seeming to try to go unseen as it moved through the shadows. "Kalina, can you go look?"

Kalina, invisible to everyone but himself and his mother, strode across the street, even as the figure turned a corner and smacked into one of the mercenaries that had been staying at the inn face first. They were only a little taller than the soldier's waist, and seemed to shrink down as he started to berate them, the hood of the cloak slipping off to reveal a child's face and matted blonde hair.

"It's just some elf girl." Kalina said, dismissively, returning to his side. "Probably an orphan, to look at her."

Riz nodded, and then strode across the street to help her out, offering her a hand - she was shorter than he'd thought? - and then glaring up at the man who'd been berating her. "It was just an accident, leave her alone."

"Orphan kids always have sticky fingers! Your mother will hear about this." But he stormed off, and left the elf alone.

Riz glanced over. She was maybe his age, he thought - there weren't many elves around here to judge by - and she'd burst into tears at some point. "Hey, hey. Do you need help? I'm Riz. Riz Gukgak."

"I'm.. I'm Adaine." The girl said, before crying harder. "And I can't use my family's name anymore."

[diantha-rue-tansy]

To myself, whenever I need to hear it.

I don't know when you're reading this. And I don't know if you're reading it for the first time or the twentieth time. But if you're coming back here and reading this letter, I can imagine it means one of two things.

Things have been going pretty good lately and you happened to stumble upon this again to gain some perspective on a time that wasn't so great.

Or

Things have gotten really bad again in one way or another (wouldn't be surprised if it was self-sabotage, but it's unfair to assume. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt in this case, you could probably use a break if this is your scenario.)

Every year you'll look back at the person you were a year ago and determine how much you liked that person. If that's how you want to be remembered. If you learned and grew from your mistakes during that time.

Yes. You're still going to fuck up a lot, I'm afraid. It's not only within your own nature, but it's truly human nature at the finest level. There is no comic plan. There's no destiny. There is just the life you were given, and the choices you make within that life. There are no take backs. No universal second chances. Only the chances given by those around you, also experiencing life in their own horrible way. Make the best of what you have. The only way it can get any worse is if you die and you don't get another chance to try again.

I hope things are still going well with the person you were talking to when I wrote this. I hope you tell them you love them every day, and cherish their beautiful brown eyes and bushy hair. Treasure the warm, soft feeling of their lips when you kiss. Experiencing the magic of their body melting into yours as you feel like you become one being. I hope that if you're living together then the animals are all getting along peacefully and you guys have a beautiful home built with good foundations.

I know at this moment in time I really like this person, and I hope as time passes that turns into love. Even if things don't work out, I hope you're able to at least stay friends. They're an amazing person who sees the world in a beautiful way, and they deserve peace and happiness no matter what. At this point in time, I'm happy I met someone who reminded me of the beauty of starting over.

Speaking of

How's that book coming?

I'm sure that's gonna piss you off whenever you see it, but I don't mean to be condescending. We always have a flood of ideas and hardly ever finish anything. Maybe one day we'll finish that novella we started at 21 while working that dead-end retail job. Maybe we'll work on one of those 3 ideas we played with when we were 25. Maybe we'll write a play. Maybe it'll be a musical! Maybe we've already done some/one/all of these things (o.p.t.i.m.i.s.m.). I just hope whatever you're doing now, you're happy and you feel content. These things come in cycles, and I'm sure you'll recognize that more than I do now. Who knows, maybe the stories I remember now that I want to sit down and write about will be distant memories to you. Memories replaced by new stories from adventures I haven't experienced yet.

I hope you talked to your dad. I don't know if he's still alive or not, but if he is you should probably do that sooner than later. I don't need to remind you of any of these feelings. I'm sure by the time you've read this I'll have numerous letters to refer to to give you the idea of what you need to talk about.

On the flip side, and hopefully not a dark note

I hope you've gotten to experience parenthood. I hope those deep wounds are healing and you get to be an active part of your child's life and raise them to be someone I would be proud of. And if you're not, that's okay too. We've thought about it before and the possibilities of not having children. It's been painful, but even now I can accept it as a reality. I hope if that's the way it goes for us that we've been able to maintain that acceptance.

I'm writing this on a hot summer day at the end of July. Will is sleeping under the bed. Grace is napping on your denim jacket on the floor. Will is already starting to show his age; his once sleek black fur graying, and his face and belly chubby from his aging lethargy. Grace is still a baby. My little tuxedo shoulder cat. I adore her. I know she's going to be beautiful once she grows up and I'm so excited to watch her grow. Whatever ends up happening to them, I hope their lives are full of love and happiness and with them knowing you always did your best for them.

I'll say this, if you're still lurking on this Tumblr blog when you're 35 you're a fucking loser and you need to grow up, it's 2033, D. Although I'd also be impressed if the apocalypse hasn't happened and wiped out the Internet by then, in which case fair enough.

I'm writing this to you as the distant memory of your 27 year old self; an unreliable narrator in a story that never wanted to be written in the first place. You're not the sum of your mistakes. Hopefully people are still forgiving by then. Or else, you know, just don't fuck it up ding-dong. And I say that with all the love. I'm glad you're not dead. I'll make you not regret living to see 30 and being glad you're probably at least close to 40 by now even.

You don't have anything to lose, so you might as well try it. Go experience life.

I love you.

DRT

[alltheangstmygifttoyou]

Looking at my tenth grade math notebook margin doodles tells a lot about my headspace at the time I think.

Tw: body horror, math (specifically Fst and geometry), salad fingers

All of this tells me my intrusive thoughts were running wild during math apperently. Probably because it was confusing and gave me a headache.

[pxrxcxa]

Opposite Ends 

Chapter Seven - What's Worse Than Death?

C1 | C2 | C3 | C4 | C5 | C6 | C8 | C9 | C10 | C11 | C12 | C13 pt1 | C13 pt 2 |

Chapter Eight is out now, enjoy Sunflowers x 🌻

Pairing | Eddie x Female reader 18+. Steve x Robin x Female reader platonic friendship

Series summary | Dustins older sister got brought into the group during the events of Starcourt mall, 3 months on she's in her senior year and the kids are starting high school. After everything that went down she feels that she has to keep them safe at all costs, that includes keeping them way from the charismatic 'freak' Eddie Munson that runs a club based on their favourite game. They've both hated each other since freshman year -with good reason-, but when keeping distance between the kids and Eddie means putting herself in the firing line, boundaries get blurred, intentions get lost & the heart speaks louder than the brain.

The story is told from both Y/N & Eddies point of view.

What to expect | Slow burn enemies to lovers, Angst - with a happy ending, fluff & smut (in the later chapters). 18+ to read this story.

Series Warnings | Mentions of abuse, drug use, 18+ smut content

Chapter word count | 11.5 K Word Count. - This is double what I normally post but it is easy to break it into pieces.

Chapter warnings | Swearing, violent language, Smut 18 + fem oral.

As always, any & all comments/reblogs are most appreciated - Love, P. x 🌿

Authors Note | I pulled an all nighter & a half to get this completed + write out a few more chapters, my days off from my job are ending soon but I do intend to keep up with the pace that I have been realising them at! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it, thank you all for your continued support - let me know what you thought about it. Love you Sunflower 🌻 P. x

 Eddie | November 1985

Dirt clouds wafted in the air towards me as y/n’s tires over spun on the gravel, I stood shaking in the cold and wet outside my trailer as I watched the red taillights of her car disappear into the night. The rain had soaked through my clothes, freezing me to my core before I had the sense to take shelter inside. My thoughts were a whirlwind of confusion, replaying the scene over in my head. Y/n’s perfectly curved lips moving towards mine with intention had sent my mind blank and fixed me to the spot. 

Seeing her so worked up and apologetic, fuming over the way I was treated by the basketball team at school had stirred feelings up I didn’t know I had, her sparkling face was flushed with intensity, her small frame shaking with anger, all for me. Before I realised what I was doing I was standing in front of her, unable to tolerate the distance between us anymore, needing to be close enough to read the secrets behind her beckoning eyes. I had used the excuse of sliding the bag of weed into her pocket just to be able to feel her, a budding excitement building in my chest. My fingertips had electrified at the warm feeling of her through the jean material, not caring that she was probably seconds away from shoving me from her and chastising me over my inappropriate behaviour. I wanted to pause that moment and live in it forever, our breathing becoming one as her heat enveloped me. I had considered pushing my luck and planting a soft kiss against her pink lips before the opportunity would be ripped away from me indefinitely. If y/n was going to leave my trailer with the intention of never speaking to me again, I was going to make the most of it.  

Until she flipped the script. My fantasy coming to life, I watched in shock as she tilted her head up towards mine, angling her jaw to line up against my mouth. Disbelief had rooted me in place, scared that a single move on my behalf would shatter the heavenly fragile image in front of me. Her eyes had flickered up to meet my penetrating gaze as her sweet lips brushed against mine, I bit back a moan as I breathed in the scent of her. With a gasp she’d ripped herself away from me, reality crashing down around us both. Y/n had wasted no time in running from my trailer. From me. 

The heavy rain had washed her intoxicating perfume away, clearing my clouded head as my hard-on softened. I slammed my hand against the windowpane outside as y/n ignored my calls after her as she rushed to her car, setting the window glass off in a dangerous rattle. Rain rolled down my brow and dripped onto my panting lips, their cold touch wiping away the warmth from y/n’s soft kiss. Almost ripping the door off its hinges, I rushed back inside as my thoughts drowned me, searching for the joint I had rolled earlier that was lost in my mess of a room. I raked my hands through my hair, pulling it back from my face as nervous beads of sweat rolled down my neck. I tried to explain her actions, she must have just been caught up in the passion of the moment, same as I was. She must have been high, or just really upset and wanted some human comfort. Maybe she’d been angling for free drugs. No, I stared back at myself in the dirty mirror above my draws at my blood shot eyes, y/n wouldn’t do something like that, I scolded myself for even having the thought. 

There had to be a reason that I wasn’t seeing, because there was no way that y/n/l/n was interested in me, harbouring the same feelings I had ignored and pretended to not have for weeks towards her. Ever since she had turned up at the first Hellfire meeting, something primal and strong had been brewing in my chest, like a monster. With every accidental touch and private smile shared between us, the monster reared in its cage, begging to be realised. Tonight, it had been so close to bursting through, purring with pleasure as y/n moved closer to me, the feeling of her trembling frame beneath me sending shock waves of desire through me. 

I couldn’t do this, for a multitude of reasons. Y/n was a cheerleader, on the opposite spectrum of Hawkins Highs hierarchy to where I sat on the bottom, mixed between the nerds and freaks. She was Dustin’s sister; it had been a hard enough fight getting her to allow him to join my Hellfire club in the first place. I crossed my arms against my chest and flopped onto my bed, staring up at my ceiling littered with my favourite band posters, kicking myself over the fact that I had nearly ruined everything. Y/n and I were too different, we came from opposite worlds. There wasn’t a universe where a version of ‘us’ played out well in my head. 

I brought the joint back to my lips as a shudder ran through my quivering body, realising that I was listing all of the reasons I shouldn’t, and not a damn one for why I didn’t want to. 

I had planned to take full responsibility and apologise to y/n when I saw her at school the next day, hoping to dispel the tension between us so life could go on as it had. I would learn to appreciate her from a distance, as much as the thought pulled at my heart strings and placed a lump in my throat. I wouldn’t bother her with my company and risk confusing things between us anymore than they already were. 

After I tossed and turned all night in my bed, sleep evading me for the entirety of it, I’d decided to be honest with myself. My feelings towards y/n had developed past wet dreams and frustration, but also – that they were completely unreciprocated. The consequences of that could be disastrousness if I wasn’t careful. I didn’t want her to feel pressured to accommodate my feelings for the sake of Dustin, we had reached a neutral middle ground, allowing for him to be a part of Hellfire without getting caught up in the middle of our arguing and issues towards each other. To rip that away from him now, would be cruel. 

So, I had allowed myself to steal five more minutes of precious alone time with y/n to explain myself, before confronting the gruelling and painful path of distancing myself from her. 

Climbing a thousand-foot-high slippery mountain with my bare hands would have been easier. 

But when I searched for her in the carpark before first class the next morning, I couldn’t see a glimpse of her familiar cream Ford pulling in past the ‘Hawkins High’ entrance sign. An uncomfortable feeling churned in my stomach as she didn’t turn up for calculus that day either. I pulled Dustin aside at lunch when the other Hellfire members were too engrossed in their conversation to notice us, my eyes flickering to the empty chair across the cafeteria that y/n usually occupied next to Robin and Max. Max looked up across the hall to glare at me, moving closer to Robin as she waved her hand in front of her face to regain her attention, intensely mouthing words to Robin that I couldn’t make out. 

“Hey hey Little Henderson, com’ere.” I waved Dustin over to lean down towards my end of the table so I could whisper my words out of earshot of passer-by’s.  

“Where’s your sister?” I crossed my arms across my chest to appear more nonchalant and not like waiting for his reply had me sitting on the edge of my seat, my rings snagged on the patches of my vest as I balled my fists.

“I don’t know.” He glanced over to her usual table as well, smiling as Max death stared him and Lucas raised a shaky hand beside Dustin to wave a greeting, Max snapped her headphones over her ears and pointedly turned away from us.

“Y/n’s probably just studying in the library or something – and she calls us nerds.” He laughed gruffly, picking up his lunch milk carton to take a swig.

“Oh, so she is here. I didn’t see you guys this morning.” I twisted my watch around my wrist as I brought my knee up to my chest and rested my foot on the edge of my chair, picking at the loose threads in my jeans. Dustin shot me a puzzled look, a milk beard growing on his pre-pubescent whiskers.

“Yeah… we were late this morning.” I nodded and pressed my lips into a thin line, turning my attention back to the conversation between Gareth and Jeff about band practise, trying not to let my spinning thoughts show on my face. I wondered how long I’d have to wait before it wouldn’t be suspicious for me to leave. Turned out the answer was exactly two minutes because that’s how long I could stand gripping the underside of the table to virtually keep me in place before I uprooted myself from my chair hastily, muttering a rushed goodbye and jogged of in the general direction of the library, leaving the confused faces of my club staring after me.

“Hey! What about Hellfire today?” Jeff shouted out after me, I had promised them an extra meeting this week to make up for the one I missed when I was off sick.

“I’ll meet you guys there.” I threw over my shoulder, not bothering to look back. The image of y/n in my mind stealing the spotlight of focus as it propelled me forward. 

I shoved colourfully dressed students out of my way as my pace picked up, marching across the dining hall to the exit, ignoring their shouts of protests. I was hoping to catch y/n before the next bell rang, the sinking feeling that she was avoiding me growing stronger with every minuet she was out of my sight. 

Y/N | November 1985

Tears fell onto the open page of the book I had spread on the dusty wooden tabletop, I quickly looked up around the library to ensure no one had seen and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I slammed the book closed in frustration, realising I had been reading the same paragraph for the past five minutes. Except where the words of ‘Gilbert Strang - Calculus‘ should have been flashing through my mind, a pair of piercing dark eyes sat in its place. 

The elderly librarian Christi, gasped and stared over at my place in the corner of the room, her reading glasses chains dangled as she shook her head at me, bringing a finger to her lips in a ‘shushing’ gesture. I gave up entirely and slouched against the hard backing of the desk chair, watching a bug fly around the curved green reading lamp in front of me. Dread filled me as I accepted that I couldn’t live out the rest of my senior year skulking in the shadows of the library, the towering shelves of old books surrounding me, closing me in as I hyperventilated at the thought of being crushed under the weight of them. 

Mr Mundy had given me a pass for today, I had cornered him in the teachers’ lounge before classes kicked off and told him I wasn’t feeling super well and that I’d really benefit from just having a quiet day of studying. He had glowered at me from the doorway, eating cereal from a bowel in his hands and had been on the verge of telling me ‘no’ before I blurted out that I had my period as an excuse. He had dropped his spoon, spilling milk all down his front as he waved me away, telling me to take all the time I needed. 

But avoiding Eddie in Calculus only solved one part of a very big problem for me, Hawkins High wasn’t huge, I was bound to run into him at some point or another. I also hadn’t even considered what I was going tell Dustin about Hellfire, if I told him he couldn’t go, he would just question why. I wasn’t prepared to tell him that, I wasn’t ready to even admit it to myself. 

After I fled from his trailer last night, barely paying attention as I drove home, the image of his face after I kissed him had monopolised my focus. As soon as I walked through our front door I raced straight past my mom and brother to lock myself in the bathroom.

But the long, boiling hot shower and huge bowl I smoked in my room afterwards, did absolutely nothing to drown the burning taste of him out of my mind. I swore I could smell his cologne through the haze of smoke wafting around my room, my brain played tricks on me as I lounged across my bed, it made me think that I could see Eddie standing in front of my dresser out of the corner of my eye. 

I was losing my mind. I buried myself under the mounds of fleecy blankets, each layer adding a welcoming suffocating pressure. I slept a grand total of about thirty minutes the entire evening, each ticking second of it filled with my chilling nightmare. Mixed fleeting images of slimy blackened lines crawling along Billy’s skin, the sharp limbs of the fleshy mind flayer monster stabbing into his body, Max’s brutal scream as she twisted in my grasp, our cries harmonizing together as Billy died in our arms – all morphed into one disturbing movie that replayed on repeat behind my sleepy eyelids. Once the memory of Billy’s death tortured me past oblivion, it took on a new cruel twist, plunging the knife deeper into me.

Billy’s dead blue eyes transformed into soft brown ones as they stared down at the Mind flayer’s sharp claws piercing through his body, hanging him up high up in the air. Blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth as he lifted his head up to look at me, his pretty curls swinging with the movement. Savagery curled hungrily within me as I took on the position of the monster, my own limbs coated in the warmth of Eddie as I tore him apart from the inside. An evil smile twisted itself on my face as I watched the pure spark of life drain from Eddie’s eyes. 

 “I’m still here y/n.” echoed around me violently. 

The scream that ripped from my throat brought Dustin running to my room, I flinched as he flicked on the light, holding a can of “Faberge Organics” up as a deadly weapon. 

“What what what.” Dustin swore as he swung his arm wildly around the room, I stared at his terrified face as my chest heaved, my breaths coming in gulps as I hung my head in my hands. 

“It’s… Nothing… Just a… a nightmare, Dusty. Go back to bed.” I spoke into my hands, sweat dripping from my skin as it rolled off to stick to the tangled sheets. He dropped his arm and looked at me as I curled into a ball, wrapping my hands around my knees, doubling over as the remainder of nightmare faded away slowly. 

“You sure you’re okay y/n?” Dustin took a step forward and reached out a hesitant hand to rest on my shoulder, but I shook my head and sniffed. 

“I’m fine, I promise.” I lied, he looked at me sadly, partially knowing what plagued me. As he walked to my door to head to his room, he raised his hand to the light switch to flick it back off. 

“Actually – can you leave that on?” The yellow light seeped into all corners of my room, flushing out the monsters that danced in the shadows, my own face reflecting amongst the evil silhouettes.

Suddenly it didn’t matter that Eddie didn’t kiss me back, I was still unsure what unconscious thought spurred me forward towards him, but I was grateful for his rejection. Even if he had returned the kiss, my life was too dangerous to allow him to get close. Despite El sealing the gate shut, saving us and all of Hawkins, I was never going to be able escape the unrelenting clutches of the upside down. None of us were. 

I was tainted, I was too dangerous, and if I didn’t keep my distance, Eddie would end up hurt or worse. 

Dustin and the others weren’t the only ones I had to protect anymore.

Everywhere I turned, Eddie was going to be there. It wasn’t going to be easy to keep him at bay, safe from me. But it would be the last thing I did on this godforsaken earth, so help me. I had even made us late on purpose so that I wouldn’t risk running into him when I picked Max up this morning. Even though the thought of him being near my home again sent a risky thrill up my spine, I would have to relent and let Dustin and the boys ride with Eddie to the Hellfire meetings. Just the thought of being in the darkened warm room with him again made it harder for me to breathe, I couldn’t risk being around him for long. 

The chair next to me scraped back loudly, snapping me out of my thoughts with a jolt. I looked up at my new neighbour – one of the juniors that worked on the Weekly Streaks Newspaper with Nancy, he turned his head to smile at me through his glasses and I recognised him as my stomach plummeted sickeningly, as my eyes landed on the angry red scar disfiguring the left side of his face. Fred had been branded with the wound from a fatal car accident a few months ago. I dropped my eyes rapidly and reached up to my necklace instinctively, searching for the pendant that had always dangled from it. Panic shot through me as my fingers clamped around the cold thin chain, I rose up from my seat to search the grey thick carpet of the library floor, bending down to run my hands over the gritty fabric around the legs of my chair. 

“Are you okay?” Fred peered at me over the frames of his glasses, looking at me like I’d lost my mind. I reached up to the desk I was sitting at and ripped my school bag from the tabletop, shoving my calculus book into it, stumbling to my feet. 

“No, I have to go.” The memory of me fiddling with my necklace at the Hellfire meetings shot across my vision as I ran from the library. Christi exclaimed angrily as I brushed past her desk, sending a pile of letters to flutter to floor as light breeze followed in my wake as I sped towards the way out. I slammed into a tall shoulder as I flew through the door, sending my bag flying from my grasp. I didn’t look back at whoever I bumped into as I swiped my backpack up from the ground, practically sprinting down the hallway, dodging the groups of two’s and three’s of students as they made their way from lunch to their next class. I was glad that I noticed my missing jewellery now before a particular person could find it and have an excuse to give it back to me, Hellfire usually met on Fridays, so I figured I was safe from running into a certain metal head at this time in the day. 

I knew that due to budget cuts, the drama club only met once a week, but as I came to a halting stop in front of the classroom door, I crossed my fingers that their meeting wasn’t held on Tuesday afternoons. The bell rang to signal the end of lunch, the corridor slowly emptying behind me as the throng of warm bodies found their destination. I held my breath and nudged the door open a crack, peeking into the room to find it thankfully empty. I sighed and slipped into the room, leaving the door open behind me, hoping to be in and out. I avoided looking over at the hulking wooden table in the middle of the room, the chair at the head of the table was pushed out like the scene had remained untouched since the last time I was here. I bolted over to my usual corner of the room, shoving and lifting up spare cafeteria chairs as I tried to spy the missing piece of my necklace. I huffed as I leant far across the stacks of chairs, my short skirt riding up my thighs dangerously as I bent down further, I darted my hands back and forth under the dusty piles of equipment as I searched for the cold, curved metal of my pendant. 

I wasn’t sure if it was the palpable shift in the atmosphere, or maybe he just made a small noise that I subconsciously registered, but I suddenly realised I wasn’t alone anymore. I gulped heavily and stood up straight, refusing to turn around, I smoothed out the lines of my skirt, tugging it further down my legs slyly. I heard him inhale a sharp beath, causing my heart to skip a beat. 

“Y/n.” I closed my eyes and turned to face him, refusing to open them until I heard him walking over to me. I flashed them open to stare at his sweet face, holding a hand out in front of me as a warning. He halted in the middle of the room mid-step, his lips parting slightly as he looked me up and down. 

“What are you doing in here?” He asked as silence filled the space between us. 

“I’m looking for something I lost.” I dropped my hand back to my side and fiddled with the hem of my sweater nervously as his gaze bore into my face, searching for something. He opened his mouth to say something but then seemed to change his mind at the last second. 

“Do you want help looking for it?” He offered, shoving his hands in his back pockets. I dropped my head as a deep blush filled my cheeks as the memories of last night came flooding back. 

I shook my head and sent a small smile his way. “What I’m looking for isn’t here.” He leant forward towards me.

“Are you sure about that?” His double-edged cunning words sent my mind blank as my eyes widened and my lips parted with a slight pop. I trembled as he stared at me unwaveringly, standing by his question. I spurred forward as he went to take another step towards me, brushing past him as I tried to flee. His hand shot out to snake around my arm, stopping me from leaving. His long fingers overlapped each other as his grip tightened, pulling me closer to him slightly. I turned to face him, his long eyelashes brushing his cheeks as he gazed down at me pressed against his chest. He pulled my hand up to rest against his beating heart, I could feel it thundering away rapidly, even beneath the layers of clothes he was wearing.

“So this is how it’s going to be? You’re just going to ignore me like I’m dead?”

“There are worst things than death, Eddie.” I replied cryptically, pain shooting through me at the longing in his eyes, he was silently begging me for an answer, but I didn’t think I could give him one without words exploding from me like a burst dam. 

“Yeah y/n, you walking out that door right now is one of them.” His hand tensed around me.

My breathing faltered and my head swam, the sweet scent of him surrounding me. I tossed my head and took an automatic step back to focus on what I needed to say, everything about him from his soft curls to his powerful forearms all the way to his pretty brown eyes was intoxicating, he had no idea how his presence was essentially making me drunk. And drunk words couldn’t be trusted. 

“Look Eddie, I’m not going to stand in the way of Dustin and the others playing Hellfire. I trust you.” His eyes blazed at my words. “So you don’t have to worry about that, and I’ll get Steve or someone to pick up for me and I’ll mind my own business in Calculus. It’ll be like before, before Hellfire, we can go back to not existing to each other. I don’t know what came over me last night, I was way out of line. I was just… I don’t know, upset and high and…” I took a deep breath to calm myself as I stuttered, my eyes falling to a crack in the white wall behind him. I’ve come this far I thought. I ran my tongue over my lips and steeled myself.

“I don’t know what it is Edward Munson, but I can’t get you out of my head. I can’t be around you, having to literally hold myself back every time you look at me with that damn smile.” I ripped my arm out of his grasp, my voice raising as the frustrations of the past few weeks reached a boiling point within me. A heavy weight that I had been ignoring lifted from my heart as the words erupted themselves from me of their own free will, finally setting me free. 

“Knowing that you don’t feel that same way, kills me Eddie. I can’t be around you I’m sorr-“ My ramblings were silenced as Eddie crushed his warm, soft lips against mine, reaching up to trap my face between his forceful hands, his cold bulky rings pressing painfully into my skin. My knees buckled as the of taste of him invaded my mind, the sweetness of his breath washing over me and setting my skin alight. My hands dangled limply at my side as the shape of him moulded against me. He stroked a finger down my cheek and along my neck, I froze under his touch as the memory of Jason’s similar touch plagued my mind, but Eddie just moved his hand to brush my hair away from my face. He misread my response, pulling away from me unbearably to look at me apologetically. 

“Sorry, I just had to do that at least once.” Tenderness blossomed in my chest at his sweetness, and even through every single sane warning was screaming at me and sending off red alarms in my brain, I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck, pulling his face back down to mine to kiss him back passionately. 

I moaned into his mouth as my fingers knotted in his hair, holding him against me tightly as his hands made their way to the sides of my waist, grabbing me firmly as he sighed my name. I traced my tongue across his bottom lip, allowing him access into my mouth, he didn’t hesitate as his tongue danced with mine, sending shocks of pleasure through me. I gasped breathlessly as he walked me backwards, the backs of my thighs hitting the jagged edge of his Hellfire table, never breaking our lips apart as we both fought for control. His hands constricted around my sides as he lifted me into the air, setting me on the tabletop. I whimpered softly as he grabbed my knees and pushed my legs apart, settling in between them comfortably, like our bodies were made to go together. He leaned over me, forcing me to arch my back as he wrapped an arm around my ass to pull me closer into him, his free hand lightly twisting his fingers in my hair to pull my head back, allowing him to deepen this kiss. 

My hands fell from the back of his neck to fall over his chest, my fingertips trailing lightly across his clothed stomach as they came to rest on his belt. I had just tightened my hands around the loops in his pants to pull him in further to me, Eddie moaning sensually as I wrapped my legs around his waist, when the classroom door opened with a smack, banging against the wall.

Eddie | November 1985

I didn’t know when, I didn’t know how, but I was going to get Jeff and Gareth. 

After stopping to ask a group of giggling freshman girls where the library was, because I had never been there in my six years of high school, I only knew its rough whereabouts. I had gotten there with barely any time left before the bell rung, but as I reached out for the door handle it was ripped from my grasp, to emit none other than y/n herself barrelling through it. She had run straight into me, slamming against as my shoulder and not even looking to see what obstacle hindered her, to either yell or apologise. Curious to know what consumed her focus so much – and feeling a little jealous of it – I followed her. 

I found her rifling under the chairs along the backwall in my Hellfire room, bent over one far enough that I could see her pink panties peeking out from beneath her skirt, I had looked away after a moment, swallowing nervously as the sight of her set my nerves on fire. But even my wildest fantasies couldn’t have prepared me for what followed. 

As soon as the words had left her pretty mouth, I decided I wasn’t going to fumble my second chance. The feeling and taste of her was more than I could have imagined, almost heavenly. I tried to take it slow, to savour the moment,  but the caged monster deep within me was screaming in ecstatic joy, urging me forward. When y/n responded back to my touch, her moans sending an electrified thrill through me, the rest of my willpower crumbled instantly. The way she wrapped herself around me had caused me to nearly become undone on the spot. 

And then Gareth and Jeff sauntered through the door, slamming it open with a bang that jolted y/n and I apart. Reality was a cruel and cold wave as it crashed over us both. Y/n pushed herself away from me, stumbling to the side and tugging her skirt down, - it had risen when I lifted her against the table -wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. I walked away around the side of the table facing away from everyone, quickly readjusting myself so my hard-on was tucked into my waist band. I raised my hands above my head, my vest and jacket jostling with the movement and turned to face the pair of them frozen in the doorway. 

“Oh.” They both muttered in union, their stunned eyes flicking between us. 

Y/n lightly ran over to grab her bag and swung it up her arm. “This isn’t what it looks like.” She stared the guys down, shouldering between them, pointedly avoiding my stare as she escaped from the room. 

“What does it look like?” Jeff questioned as I watched y/n’s hair flow out behind her as she whipped around the corner and out of sight. I looked back at my club remembers, cupping the back of my neck guiltily as they turned back to me, interrogations burning in their faces. 

December 1985 

The universe had a cruel sense of humour, giving me exactly what I asked for the night y/n came to my trailer, but now I didn’t want a damn part of it. 

Y/n stayed true to her word, she no longer accompanied Dustin and the others to Hellfire. Little Henderson had come to me the day after what happened between y/n and I, wearing a geometrical patterned shirt open over his Hellfire tee. He caught me in the hallway at my locker between classes, asking if I’d be able to pick him and the other sheepies up for the campaign. Apparently, his sister had to work late on Fridays now. I had tried to not let my disappointment show on my face, nodding and ruffling Dustin’s hair, earning myself a classic wide Henderson grin. 

“No skin off my back kid, I’ll pick you guys up at 6.30.” My fake smile dropped from my face instantly as I slammed my locker closed a little too hard and stormed off, deciding to skip class and smoke up instead. A group of scared freshmen scattered as I barrelled through them, snapping at them to get out of my way, one of the girls dropped her books to the floor and she let out a frightened yelp as I passed by. 

I had pulled Gareth and Jeff aside later that week at the start of our next Hellfire meeting, dragging them across the room by the backs of their necks so the other wouldn’t hear as they set up for the meeting. I promised them that if they breathed a word to anyone about what they thought they saw, I would kill of their characters at the start of each campaign for the next 6 months. They might have been the only two in the club to know the real reason behind my mood, but the others still picked up on the black cloud that surrounded me, sucking the joy out of anything to came too close. Mike had brazenly asked me if something was wrong, but his high-pitched voice trailed off as my eyes flashed to his face, staring back at him unblinkingly. After that, no one else had tried to coax me out of my brooding shell. As the weeks passed, there was still a gaping hole in the Hellfire club, my mood darkened further each time my eyes flittered over to the empty, cold corner of the room that used to shine bright with y/n’s presence. 

Calculus, once my favourite subject because of the time I got to spend with her, was now the bane of my existence for the same reason. My stomach had dropped and writhed like there was a knife twisting through me, when she didn’t look up as I loudly pulled my chair back, watching her face for the slightest change in her expression. Apart from the smallest tightening of her mouth, there wasn’t any. For all intents and purposes, I could have been one of the cracks in the painting of the wall behind us, I resorted back to my old ways, trying something – anything – to get a reaction out of her. But even when I would tap my rings on my knuckles against my desk loudly enough to be reprimanded by Mr Mundy, she still wouldn’t budge, her eyes glued to her notebook like I wasn’t there. She arrived to class at the exact second it started and tore herself from her seat the exact moment it ended, never allowing the chance for me to get a word in edge wise. 

I felt starved with each day she pretended I wasn’t there, refusing to meet my stare so I could read the thoughts behind her pretty eyes. Each time I caught her spinning and walking the opposite way when she would run into me in the school corridors, my temper would enrage further, making me dangerous to anyone that crossed paths with me. 

It took for Jason Carver to shoulder barge me into my locker yelling ‘freak’ for everything I had been burying beneath the surface to boil over. I reached out to grab his basketball jersey, slamming him into the lockers and pinning my leather clad arm under his chin. The zip on my jacket sliced into the soft skin under his jawline, drawing blood that fell between our feet in droplets. Jason’s terrified eyes swivelled up to mine as I pushed my arm in deeper. 

Like kids on a busted pinata, the half empty hallway was now packed, buzzing bodies forming a half circle around where I had Jason pinned against the wall, half of the crowd chanting ‘Freak Freak Freak” in an almost commending way, the other half pushing their way through to me as they shouted at me to let him go, Jason’s eye’s bulged as he spotted his friends, gasping for their help. 

Mine got to us first. Gareth and Jeff shouldered their way through the packed crowd, Gareth stood by my side and tugged at my arm, demanding I let go. I was semi aware of Jeff holding his hands out behind me to keep the rest of the basketball team away. 

“Come on Eddie, he’s not worth it.” Gareth’s calm but intent voice broke through my stupor, I let Jason fall back to his feet and shoved him into the crowd away from me, taking a few menacing steps towards him as he tried to size back up. The look on my face must have been truly murderous – or in their words – satanic, because he shot a trembling hand out stop his teammate Andy, from advancing towards me, shaking his head slightly and muttering to them to leave it. He wiped the blood from his chin and threw me a surprised last look before walking away, taking his team and half the crowd with him. 

Loud questions of ‘Are you really going to let the freak get away with the Jason?” followed him down the hallway. I leaned against my locker and closed my eyes as I tried to even my breathing, by the time I opened them, the rest of the spectators had dispersed, and my friends were looking at me like they didn’t recognise who I was. A shared look of concern and agreement flashed between them. 

“What?” I snapped, balling my hands into fists so hard that the nails digging in made me gasp. 

Gareth spoke up as Jeff nodded along beside him, backing up his every word. 

“Eddie, we don’t know what happened between you and y/n, but it’s making you miserable, and it’s affecting all of us. It’s affecting Hellfire, the freshmen are scared as hell to say anything and you’re terrifying everybody.” My eyes flicked up past them both to the end of the hallway. 

Y/n was frozen there with a bundle of books pressed to her chest, she was standing in a patch of sunlight that filtered through the glass doors, her plump pink glossed lips were hanging opening slightly and her burning eyes bore into mine. Finally being able to see into the depths of them after weeks of being denied the pleasure, I felt like I had been choking and she had just breathed the lifesaving breath deep into me.  

“I’m sorry, we’re sorry for whatever happened and why it’s making you so upset, but if you pull another stunt like that with Carver, you’re gonna get your self killed.” Jeff placed a hand on my shoulder. They were right, I couldn’t keep going on like this and hurting everyone else around me, they weren’t responsible for my feelings. 

With actual physical pain shooting through me, I agonizingly tore my eyes away from y/n’s, swearing that it would be the last time I’d look at her. I was sure that astronauts in space could hear my heart shattering into a million pieces. 

As I mirrored her own behaviour towards me, my ego took a brutal hit. Pretending like she didn’t mean anything - like it wasn’t literally killing me to not reach out and touch her - was agonising and virtually impossible. I caught myself leaning towards her in class more than I cared to admit, internally groaning and turning away from her. Gareth would kick me under the table at lunch when he saw me staring over at y/n’s table. I couldn’t help it, her act – if it even was one – was so convincing she deserved an oscar. Day in day out she appeared effectively unscathed by our falling out, whereas I collapsed to pieces damn near every time I smelt her sweet perfume her in the hallway or I caught a glimpse of her when I wasn’t prepared. 

The only thing that appeased my broken heart, was Dustin’s occasional comment about how his sister had turned into ‘such a bitch’ since she started working so much, practically ignoring him and everyone else and snapping at them when they questioned the reason for her recent mood change, Lucas and Mike nodding along with him. That, mixed with when I did catch glimpses of her in the cafeteria, her face crestfallen and despairing when she thought Max and Robin weren’t looking, led me to believe that she was trapped in a similar hole of misery the same as I was. 

The thought warmed my cold heart a little. Defrosted it a tad. 

By the time winter break had rolled around, I had mastered my mask of indifference towards her perfectly, that when I randomly ran into her in a deserted hallway one late winter afternoon just before the last bell rang for the day, I strolled straight past her, not even glancing in her direction. She took a part of my soul with her as she accidently brushed past me, the backs of our hands caressing against each other, sending a scorching heat zapping up my arm. I thought I saw her turn her head slightly towards me as we passed each other but at the brief touch of her, my footsteps sped up, tearing towards the exit. The chilling winter air froze my tears on my cheeks just as they started to fall. 

The last glimmer of hope I was vainly holding on to was crushed when Steve Harrington himself approached me a few weeks after y/n began ignoring me, his stupid hair whipping in the cold wind as he crossed the darkened carp park in front of the bar ‘The Hideout’ as I packed band equipment into my van, we had just finished playing a set, the rest of the band had already bailed, complaining of the frost bite they were guaranteed to get if they hung around any longer.  

“Munson.” He called, nodding his head as a greeting, doing a ridiculous half shuffle half jog the last few feet to me. When he reached me light spilled across us as the bar door swung open, letting a golden glow seep into the night. Glasses tinkled as drunken voices shouted at each other happily, toasting something outlandish. I looked him up and down, remembering his unfriendliness at our last meeting. 

“What d’ya want Harrington.” I grunted as I lifted an amplifier into the back seat, huffing as I pushed it across the metal floor. Steve grimaced at the screeching noise it echoed into the night. He leant an arm against the side panel of my van, crossing his ankles and placing his free hand on his hip.

“I was wondering if you could hook me up.” I paused as I stood up, the piece of equipment I was holding slipping through my fingers until I brought my knee up to catch it. “Woah, you right there man?” He reached out to help but I turned away from him, slamming whatever I was holding down as I turned to look back at him. 

“So that’s it.” I spat, anger coursing through me at the thought that y/n had sent a lacky, I had seriously doubted that if she was acting like I didn’t exist at school, that she would reach out to me for weed again. But a man could dream. 

“Huh?” Steve raised his brows innocently, pressing his lips into a thin line. “Oh, um, I’m throwing a Christmas party so I should just need uh – let’s say a quarter?” He crossed his hands across his chest and glanced behind me nervously as a couple of regulars stumbled out of the bar with their arms slung over each other’s shoulders, one of them launched forward and decorated the sidewalk with beer and bar nuts, while his friend retched from the smell. 

"Don’t come down here often Harrington?” I teased as I watched him crinkle his nose in disgust, slamming the back doors of the van shut and strolling around to the passenger side. 

“Uh no, not really.” He laughed, following me. I popped open the glove box and fumbled around for a second, finding my metal lunch box, I snapped the lid closed as he peeked over my shoulder. Grabbing what he asked for and turning back to tell him ‘cash first’ but he was already pulling bills from his pocket. 

“Thanks man.” He muttered, glancing around before taking it from me and shoving it deep in his side pocket, flashing me an awkward smile. 

“Yeah, you can tell y/n I said she’s welcome.” I laughed at the expression my words put on King Harringtons face, thinking that I’d never seen him so uncomfortable as I jumped up into the driver’s seat, turning over the engine until it spluttered to life.  

Y/N | December 1985

“Here.” Steve grumbled, slamming the bag of weed down on the bench in front of me. I stood up from where I had been leaning, snatching the bag and hiding it out of sight. 

“Dude! I’m grateful for your help but can you not – my mom is in the other room.” I jerked my chin to where my mom sat, mere feet from us . He rolled his eyes at me and leant back against the brown panelled kitchen counters lining the wall across from our island bench. Robin sat crossed legged on top of it next to him, munching on a bag of chips she had nicked from our pantry.  

“You’re lucky I even got it for you, guy gives me the heebee jeebies.” Steve shuddered dramatically, making me roll my eyes. 

“So y/n.” She mumbled through a full mouth a food, bringing a chip to her lips. “Steve got your weed for you, now you owe us that explanation you promised.” I shushed her as the laughing voices from the tv-set barely drowned out our own. 

“Okay, okay.” I mumbled, walking around the counter and snatching the bag from her grasp, popping a chip into my own mouth. “But not here alright.” I nodded towards the living room where a soft glow was flickering from the tv across the chairs surrounding it, my mother who was seated comfortably on one of them, conspicuously ignoring us. No doubt pretending to watch her show while she was trying to eavesdrop on my me and my friends. 

At that moment Dustin walked into the kitchen yelling through his walkie talkie as I tossed the bag back to Robin. “No Mike, we’re going to go for it this week. I’m telling you; we can take Vecna.” Mikes voice crackled through the machine; Dustin smacked the side of it as the signal dropped out. “Oh, hey guys.” 

“What’s he talking about.” Steve asked me, jabbing his thumb at Dustin as he walked over and dug his hands into the chip packet, taking far too long to grab a handful and causing Robin to drop them on the floor. 

“No idea.” I muttered, turning away from them all to hide my face, I heard the sound of flesh smacking together as Robin groaned. 

“Ow.” She stumbled to her feet, crushing the chips to smithereens beneath her shoes. 

“I’m talking about DnD Steve, Eddie’s created the most mental campaign ever.” Dustin exclaimed excitedly, rubbing a spot on his head where he must have clashed with Robin when they both bent down to retrieve the food packet. 

“Oh Eddie, your friend that’s so much cooler than me because he plays your nerdy game?” Steve snapped childishly. I busied myself with fetching a broom. 

“Don’t be jealous Steve, it’s not a good colour on you.” Robin laughed. I shoved the broom into Dustin’s hands. 

“Here, clean this up.” I pointed my finger and swirled it around at the mess on the floor. “We have to go.” I swiped my keys off the hook so Dustin couldn’t steal my car and headed to the front door, not waiting for the others to follow me. 

“Wait where are you guys going? It’s like 9 pm on a school night.” Dustin’s shouts followed us down the hallway. 

“Yeah, okay dad.” Steve grumbled. 

“You’ll have to bike to school tomorrow, Dusty.” I blew a sarcastic kiss over my shoulder at him. I was still mad at him for snitching on me to Robin and Steve, but grateful for the distraction of their company. 

“You be safe kids.” My mom called from the couch as we sauntered past, Robin stopped to say goodbye and got caught up telling her how much she loved her new hair style. Steve reached back to grab her shoulder and pulled her through the door with us. 

Once I was safely belted into the back seat of Steve’s BMW, my overnight bag pressed into my side on the seat next to me, the interrogation began. Steve’s eyes met mine in his rear-view mirror as Robin turned in the passenger seat to look back at me. 

“Time to explain yourself y/n.” He barked, spinning the wheel as he reversed out of my driveway. I rolled my eyes at his tone, anxiety turning in my stomach as I watched the gently swaying trees flit past my window as we picked up speed. 

Not unusually, Steve’s parents were out of town. So we sat in his luxurious backyard besides the heated pool, swirling our feet in the water as we sat on the edge of it, the cool night air biting at our exposed skin. His ridiculously oversized house loomed behind us, blocking the moonlight from shining on us. 

I took a deep breath and started from the beginning. Skipping over the events of our Starcourt trauma, they had already lived it first-hand alongside me, none of us needed to relieve it. I filled them in on almost everything I had been keeping barely buried the surface, not going into graphic details about the nightmares that plagued me but telling them enough that they got the picture. I explained about the visions I was having, seeing the flayed version of myself no matter which way I turned. I choked up as I tried to explain the guilt I felt over Billy’s death, but I couldn’t get through it. 

“I can’t do this sober.” I grumbled, standing up from the poolside and splattering water drops onto Steve’s jeans as I pulled my feet from the water, walking to my bag on the table and grabbing the weed along with my rolling kit, from it. As I re-joined them, a cloud of smoke trailing behind me, I offered the joint to Steve as I sat back down, laying against the concrete to look up at the clear starry sky. After passing it back and forth between the three of us for a while, I picked back up with my story. 

“I know it’s selfish, we all went through so much. But if Billy hadn’t of come out to meet me that night, he never would have gotten possessed by the mind flayer. It’s my fault he’s dead.” I sobbed, sitting up and wrapping my arms around my legs, bringing them to my chest as I tried to patch the hole that had been punched through me, festering at the edges for months as I kept my feelings and thoughts trapped in it, the poison of them infecting the rest of my body. Steve rubbed my back as they both murmured soft reasons as to why I was wrong, that what I was feeling was just ‘survivors’ guilt’.

I finished by telling them that smoking every night was the only thing that helped me get a little bit of sleep. They both fell silent at that; I could feel their judgement cutting through the air. 

I filled the silence before they could. “I know I’m weak okay but –“

“No y/n it’s not about that, it’s okay to do this shit at parties.” He held up the dwindling joint between his fingers “But not every Goddamn day like a druggie.” 

“No Steve.” I snapped swivelling around to stare at him, splashing a large wave over both of them. Robin yelped and sat up, pulling her pants further up her thighs. “I’m not like you okay, I haven’t known about the upside down since the start, and it’s not like I can walk into Ms Kelley’s office and tell her about a Goddamn alternate dimension filled with fleshy monsters! This shit has been eating me up since it happened and I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how you guys can just go about your life like nothing happened, going on dates with girls” I pointed at Steve’s chest, my eyes falling past him to look at Robins face as she cocked an eyebrow. “… and girls! ” I yelled. Robin sat up to address me. 

“No… you can’t tell her about the upside down.” She paused, considering her words carefully as a strong breezed ruffled the trees in the woods across from us, I looked out into the dark void, my eyes barely able to make out the silhouettes of the trees closest to the boundary of Steve’s yard, jumping slightly as an owl hooted in the distance. “But you could talk to her about Billy’s death,” She finished softly, leaning her head forward past Steve to get my attention. 

I sniffed and shook my head. “I’m okay, really, it’s just the nightmares. And no sleep, not being able to sleep is really getting to me.” 

“So why have you become such a bitch all of a sudden?” Robin punched his arm hard as the insensitive words fell from Steve’s mouth. “Ow, that hurt.” 

“You can’t just say that dingus. We agreed to take it slow, it’s like buying a new fish, you don’t just drop it in, you let it sit in the water a while.” She stretched out her last words, whining as she stared angrily at him. I laughed, breaking the tension as Steve rubbed his arm like a baby.

“That’s why Dustin called you?” I guessed; two pairs of guilty eyes looked back at me. I sighed, remorse washing over me at the fact that I had been a shitty big sister once again, even after swearing to myself that I wouldn’t. 

“So what’s changed y/n?” Steve probed. “Starcourt happened months ago.” 

Robin spoke up when I didn’t. “Is it Eddie y/n?” My eyes flashed to her shocked, surprised that for someone who was by general nature, extremely unperceptive and one track minded, she had been extremely observant. She smiled at my reaction. “I’ve seen the way you look at him y/n, and the way you’ve been since you stopped going to the  Hellfire  meetings.” 

She had been more observant than I gave her credit for, given that I hadn’t told anyone outside of the actual club it’s self that I was attending them. My breathing hitched in my throat as Steve threw his head back and forth between us as he watched the exchange. 

“You’re quick.” I complimented her, smiling to hide my awkwardness. 

She shrugged. “Actually, I can’t take all the credit, Max pointed it out to me first. She saw you leaving his place.” My face heated at what Max must have thought happened between us, and the at the fact that she hadn’t said anything to me about it. 

“Wait wait wait wait.” Steve interrupted, waving his hands in front of him. “Are we talking about Eddie Munson, you y/n, y/n/l/n have a crush on Eddie the freak Munson?” 

“Shut up Steve, let the girl live, you used to like Tammy Thompson.” Robin laughed loudly as she laid back down, stealing the joint from his hand. 

“If I remember correctly,” He replied scathingly, snatching it back. “That was you.” 

“He’s not a freak Steve.” I replied quietly. They both stilled and watched my face carefully as I angled my chin up to the night sky, soaking in the pretty colours of the midnight blues mixing in with the wispy greys of passing clouds. 

“Anyway y/n, after everything you’ve been though, after everything we’ve been through, you deserve to be happy. One of us does at least.” Steve brought the joint to his lips before passing it back to me. 

Robin lifted her head once more and turned towards the direction of Steve’s kitchen, her eyes bloodshot red from the weed. “Do you have any chips, Steve?”

I joined in on their laughter as the bright stars twinkled above our heads, considering their words, did I deserve to be happy? At what cost? Denying myself what I truly desired seemed to be doing nothing but causing everyone around me pain. If it was truly the right thing, then why was it so damaging?

An hour later I was speeding along the empty road in Steve’s BMW, already hearing his lecture berating into the back of my head. Robin and Steve had both passed out on beach chairs in the cool midnight air, their soft snores echoing around me as two sides of myself battled against each other. Both of the voices were irrational – depending on which side you looked at it from. When I considered the odds of surviving another year in our cursed town, the outlook of it extremely bleak and concerning, it seemed irrational to condemn myself to a life where I was so damn miserable. I hadn’t given myself a second to question it before I jumped up and swiped Steve’s keys from his pocket, holding them tightly so they didn’t jangle as I snuck through his glass back doors to his garage, leaving a quickly scribbled note in case they woke up before I returned and panicked. Steve would absolutely file a police report the moment he noticed his beloved car missing. 

Anticipation curled in my stomach as the distant glow of the trailer park grew closer, like my beating heart knew it was close to either being filled with unrelenting joy or smashed apart beyond repair. I pulled in behind Eddie’s van again, déjà vu filling me as my mind flashed back to the last time I was here, not much had changed in the past weeks except for some Christmas tinsel that was draped over the railings of the deck. A mistle toe in the shape of a weed leaf hung above the door, the sight of it made me smile because it had Eddie written all over it. I ran up the steps, taking two at a time. I was too hyper as my sharp knock resounded throughout the trailer, to consider the fact that Eddie might not be alone. An older man, with similar eyes to Eddie’s pulled the door open curiously, his features clouding with perplexity as he saw me standing on his deck. 

“Oh, Hi. Um, is Eddie home?” I clenched my hands in front of me, nerves zapping through me as I waited to hear Eddie’s voice. But it never came. A streak of light flashed across me as the blinds in the window snapped back. The man looked to his right, his mouth hanging open as he hesitated. 

“Uh, look. Um, Eddie’s not home right now, you’ll have to come back another time.” His eyes flashed back to mine, a genuine small smile on his face. “I’m Wayne by the way, his uncle.” Dread filled me at his response, my shoulders sagged in defeat. I bit my lip as I fiddled with my skirt, deciding to try one more time. 

“Please Mr Munson, I just want to talk to him.” His eyes glanced to the right of him again for a brief second before his lips pressed into a thin line. 

“Sorry.” He muttered, slowly closing the door on me, dousing me in complete darkness. I hesitated for a moment before hushed voices broke out behind the door, and I tore backdown the steps running to Steve’s car. Once again, I fled from the trailer park, except as I drove, I didn’t have a destination in mind. It wasn’t very long before I had to pull over on a patch of gravel as despairing sobs racked my body. Darkness pouring in from the cruel night to caress the invisible wounds on my body. 

The realisation of my situation had me doubling over the steering wheel, holding it tightly as my heart broke into a million pieces. I was too late, too late and not decent enough. My behaviour the past few weeks towards him had pushed Eddie away from me for good, and now I was never going to get the chance to explain myself. To fix this. I glanced up through my wet eye lashes, the distant glow of lights reflecting off my ring on the hand that gripped the wheel, I sniffed as I squinted at the establishment, recognising it as a no-good bar, figuring I couldn’t sink any lower tonight, I clicked the key over in the ignition, speeding off to the promise of serenity. 

The third shot of fiery liquid had just passed my lips as a rough hand tore the glass away from me, slamming it back down against the sticky bar. I was sitting on one of four empty bar stools, ignoring the advances from some fat sleezy drunk that was my father’s age as he leant beside me, using a pool stick to keep him standing, he backed off alarmed as he spotted something above my head. The blonde bartender who was a wearing a shirt that covered less than her bra and wore far too much makeup, scowled at me as a rough hand wrapped around my arm. 

“Do you know how old she is? Why the hell would you serve her.” I stumbled as he pulled me from my seat, dragging me towards the exit. 

“Hey. I’m old enough to make my own decisions.” I would have sounded more convincing if my words hadn’t slightly slurred together.

“You don’t get to talk right now.” The cool air washed over me, clearing my head a little. 

“Eddie?” I gulped, his back portfolio coming into focus. His dark jacket and vest looked inviting as the snippy temperature sent goosebumps up my exposed arms. He pulled me along behind him to the far corner of the footpath where his white van was sloppily parked. He roughly shoved me against the side of it, blocking us from view of the patrons littering the pavement in front of the main entrance, he pinned his body against mine - for which I was grateful as the icy night wind swirled around us menacingly, sending his hair to whip around both of us. 

“What the hell are you doing here.” He glared down at me, spreading his arms on either side of the van beside my head. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” I shot back, staring at the empty space around his waist as his jacket whipped in the wind, picturing myself wrapping my arms around him. 

“I drink here.” 

“So do I.” 

“No y/n, you don’t” He shook his head, laughing at me. “So why don’t you tell me what you’re really doing here.” He cocked an eyebrow sultrily. The tight constriction of pain that held a firm grip on me since the moment I shut him out, slowly released me the longer I was in his presence, each second I could hear his warm laugh and stare into his deep eyes kept unwinding me further. I didn’t think I’d survive losing him a second time. 

I jabbed a sharp nailed finger into his chest. “Fine Eddie, you wanna know why I’m here? I’m here for same reason as every other drunk – to drown my sorrows.” 

His eyes burned. “Why?” he demanded. 

Tears welled in my eyes as I met his gaze, I didn’t need to take a breath to steady myself because the words had already been playing in my mind all night. “Because of you Edward Munson, because trying to stay away from you was the stupidest – and hardest – thing I’ve ever done. Because I was wrong to try and keep you safe, I still hurt you anyway. Because I know you’re never going to forgive me.” I hiccupped as my fists reached up to grasp at the fabric around his collar.

“I’m here to drown my sorrows because I don’t know how to live without you Eddie.” A beat of silence hung heavy in the air between us.

He ripped me to the side of him, tearing open his passenger side door before pushing me back against it, lifting me up like he had in the drama room and sitting me on the seat, still facing out the door as he slid between my legs, trapping my head with his hand as he brought his mouth to mine. This wasn’t like the first time, I could feel him radiating with raw desire, he needed me as much as I needed him. He pulled me up against his body slightly to untuck my skirt from beneath me, gathering it around my hips. His lips moved to my neck as he pushed me back, lightly trailing his mouth down my chest over my shirt, getting me to lay back across the front seats on his van. I reached down to grip his shoulders, but my hands slipped slightly as they struggled to find purchase against the leather of his jacket.

He lifted both my legs over his shoulders before reaching his hands up under my shirt to caress the skin beneath my boobs, his cold hands made me gasp as they reached my nipples. I shook as he pulled one hand back down beneath my thighs.

Wintry air hit my pussy as he pulled my panties to the side, I barely had time to marvel at the temperature change before he pressed his tongue inside of me, running it along the length of me. He spread my lips with his free hand to open me up better, bringing his mouth higher and sucking at my sweet spot. I gasped and writhed madly as the new sensation took over me. 

“You like that y/n?” Eddie muttered from between my thighs, my voice was ripped away from me as he slowly slid his index finger inside of me. I clutched his shoulders, digging my nails in. He let me adjust to the intrusive feeling before slowly pulling his hand back and pumping it into me, as far as it would go until I could feel his cold ring at my entrance. He tongue lapped at my clit and his finger curled inside of me. His pace picked up faster and faster in response to the gasps and moans tumbling from my lips. His large hand that was squeezing both of my breast together, snaked up to cover my mouth, as the voices of the men on the other side of the van near the bar, dropped out. If I wasn’t so caught up in the growing warm feeling, and massive waves of pleasure wracking my body, I would have been embarrassed of the noises Eddie’s long fingers were coaxing out of me. My head shot back in shock, my back arching instantly as Eddie buried his tongue inside of me, flicking it up and down my slit as I screamed his name against his palm, his lips trapped my clit between them as he sucked on it, I wrapped my legs around his head as I shook violently. 

“Eddie, please I’m begging you. Oh fuck.” I mumbled, hoping he could understand me. He gently suckled at my sweet spot, pulling on it between his teeth softly. I moved my hands from his shoulders to tangle them in his hair,  guiding his face up and down against me as his tongue continued to lap at my pussy, increasing the wetness that drenched the seat beneath me. He moved his hand down back between my thighs to circle my clit as I moaned his name, the burning heat growing closer to the edge with each lick.  

“Fuck you taste so good y/n” He moaned between my legs “Even better than I imagined.” He brought his face up close to mine, biting my lip as he rubbed purposeful circles on my sensitive spot between my legs. I couldn’t speak, I could barely breath as my orgasm threatened to spill over. Sensing I was close he kept up the same pace, moaning my name as I tensed and wrapped myself around him, burying my face in his chest as heavenly bliss exploded through me. 

My freshly beating heart hammered away in my chest as he pulled back to look at me tenderly, placing a soft kiss to my lips. Stars even brighter than the ones above us, glowed behind my eyelids as they fluttered closed, a serene sense of comfort and safety that I hadn’t felt since before the events of Starcourt, surrounded me as Eddie tightened his arms around me. 

Chapter Eight

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He’s My Thing (Sub!Bam Margera x Reader) [Smut]

Thank you to the anonymous requester! I love writing fics for sub Bam :)

Description: Bam’s been a total brat all day, and he thinks he can get away with it just because his friends are around. Little does he know, you have no problem with using him in front of said friends.

Warnings: Cursing, Smut, Sub Boy/Dom Girl, Exhibitionism and Voyeurism (you fuck Bam in front of the guys and they actively watch and participate), Degradation/Humiliation and Praise, light elements of BDSM, Edging

Note: I haven’t included Johnny, Ryan, Steve-O, or Chris in the title cuz they never actually do anything sexual with you and Bam, but Johnny and Ryan are both super involved in watching you and Bam fuck, giving orders to Bam and making comments and stuff like that, and they’re both obviously turned on during the whole thing.

“He’s lucky he’s so pretty, cuz otherwise I would have strangled him by now.” You crossed your arms and sank down on the couch, glowering at Bam from across the room. He was standing off in the far corner, talking to Steve-O and Ryan; you weren’t sure what the conversation was about, but Bam had just whipped out his tiny dick and said something about piercings, which was very concerning, to say the least. Chris and Johnny, who were sitting on either side of you on the sofa and chowing down on the pizza you’d ordered, simply grinned and shook their heads, Johnny taking a massive bite of his pizza slice and patting your shoulder sympathetically. “That’s how he makes everyone feel, sugar, don’t worry about it too much. Looking pretty and being a little bitch is his speciality.” You snickered, reaching over to steal a pepperoni from his slice. “Good point.”

Whipping his own dick out and loudly discussing the idea of getting it pierced wasn’t exactly bad behavior in and of itself, but considering all of the other things Bam had done throughout the evening, it certainly wasn’t something Bam had done with innocent intentions. The whole time that the four other boys had been over (roughly six hours, give or take), Bam had intentionally been pushing your buttons in the kind of subtle way that only he knew how to do. The clothes he’d chosen to wear were revealing in a way that only you would notice—his shirt was too tight and about an inch too short, and his jeans were baggy and low-waisted and barely stayed up, so his tummy, hips, and v-line were constantly exposed every time he lifted his arms. Every time you looked over at him, he’d make eye contact, lift his arms up to show off everything, and rub his hands over his lower belly as if he was gonna touch himself right there in front of everyone.

He only did it when the rest of the guys were distracted (this wasn’t difficult considering that they were all drunk and riled up and kept on interrupting each other to tell random stories about nasty stuff they’d done as teenagers), and every time he did it, your eyes would darken warningly and he’d flash you a shit-eating grin and turn back to his friends. The fact that his friends were in the room had him convinced that he was untouchable—he could be as bratty and teasing as he wanted and you wouldn’t do a single thing about it since there were other people in the room. Clever little bastard. You took another pepperoni from Johnny’s plate, watching Bam and the boys laugh over some story about how Steve-O had puked on a girl while eating her out, and then Bam looked over at you again, pulling his shirt up to show off his body again. You glared, and he flipped you off with a smirk. He was getting more bold—the guys had definitely seen him do it this time. Johnny snorted with laughter from beside you, and you frowned.

“I’m gonna kick his ass.” Johnny laughed, taking a sip from his red solo cup. “Uh oh, trouble in paradise. I’m amazed he’s able to get away with all that, don’t you boss him around on a regular basis? I thought he was your bitch.” The guys all knew about you and Bam’s interesting dynamic; Bam was shameless about what he liked during sex, and you had no problem with them knowing that you were in charge. The only issue was that they didn’t really seem to get that Bam wasn’t the type to immediately do what you wanted him to. Obedient Bam was a rare occurrence; for the most part, Bam was a brat, and your job was to put him in his place. “He’s being a fucking brat right now cuz he thinks I won’t be able to do anything about it as long as you guys are here. As far as he’s concerned, I can’t punish him while he’s got friends over.” Johnny raised his eyebrows and grinned. “I never would have expected you of all people to be stopped by something like that.”

You furrowed your brows. “What does that mean?” Johnny shrugged. “I’m just saying, you and him already tell all of us the nasty details of what the two of you do, so it’s kind of like we’ve already seen you guys fuck before. It wouldn’t be all that crazy for you guys to take it a step further and actually do stuff in front of us.” You stared at him, registering what he was implying. “You think I should just punish him in front of all of you right now instead of waiting until you guys leave?” Chris spoke up from the other side of you, still chowing down on pizza. “You could wait for us to leave first, but then isn’t Bam kind of getting his way? If you let him keep acting like that in front of everyone, he wins.” Your eyes widened, and you shook your head. “Fuck, you’re right. I don’t know though, we haven’t really tried doing anything in front of other people yet. I can’t guarantee he’d be okay with it.” Johnny grinned. “Get him alone in the kitchen and tell him if he keeps going with this, you’ll fuck him right here in front of us.”

You contemplated the idea. It sounded kind of fun, using Bam in front of his friends. It would be pretty humiliating for Bam, but that would just get him off even more. You nodded, standing up from the couch. “I’ll go do that. Wait here.” Chris was too engrossed in his pizza to answer, but Johnny just leaned back in anticipation. “I won’t move an inch.” You walked towards the kitchen, making eye contact with Bam and motioning for him to follow you. He excused himself from the group and followed you to the kitchen, and you casually opened the fridge to look for a drink. Bam walked up behind you, purposefully rubbing his barely-covered lower body against you as he wrapped his arms around your waist, and you quickly turned around, grabbing him by the chin and forcing him to look at you. “Don’t cuddle up to me, you little brat. You think I can’t tell what you’re doing?” Bam tried to play coy, starting to protest that he wasn’t doing anything.

“I’m just trying to hug my girlfriend in our kitchen, what’s wrong with that?” You shot him a look. “I meant you flashing me your crotch. You never wear shirts this short, I know what you’re doing. I know you think you won’t get punished just because your friends are here, but I’m warning you, Bam, keep acting like a brat and I will put you in your place, even if I have to do it in front of your friends.” Bam’s eyes widened, and you could have sworn his cheeks started to go red, but he quickly turned his head away and tried to act unbothered. “You wouldn’t.” You smiled coolly. “I would, and I will. Keep pushing me.” You turned and walked out of the kitchen, going to sit back down on the couch with Johnny and Chris. Johnny smiled. “I’m guessing that went well?” You smirked. “I told him what I’ll do if he keeps pushing it, so we’ll see what he does now.” He took a sip from his cup and shook his head, his grin widening. “I’m excited to witness this.”

Bam slowly made his way back into the room from the kitchen, his face still slightly red as he rejoined the conversation with Ryan and Steve-O, who were to drunk to have even noticed he’d left. Steve-O was now telling a long, dramatic story about a time where he’d tried to use an empty chip bag as a condom, which Bam pretended to be invested in as he occasionally looked over at you with an unreadable look in his eyes. It was hard to be sure, but it seemed like he was trying to decide if it was worth it to keep up his bad behavior. You knew Bam had always loved the idea of his close friends watching you and him have sex, but the fact that the two of you had never even so much as attempted to do anything sexual in front of other people before was sure to make him nervous about trying it now. You stared back at him, raising your eyebrows just slightly as you waited to see what he would do.

He stared back for a moment, and then a defiant look crossed his face and he smirked evilly as he reached down and grabbed his crotch, right there in front of everyone, still making full eye contact with you. Your eyes widened, and you shook your head at him warningly, but he merely grinned even wider and did it again, flipping you off as he turned back to the conversation with Ryan and Steve-O. You turned to look at Johnny, absolutely fuming, and he chuckled. “Maybe I should go pop some popcorn before the big show starts.” You wordlessly got up from the couch, and Johnny whistled. “Never mind, show’s already starting”. You strode across the room towards Bam, who looked a lot more nervous than before when he realized you were heading towards him. You fixed your hand around his wrist and pulled him away from the boys, flashing him a deadly look as you pushed him against the wall and whispered.

“What did I just say? I told you I’d put you in your place right here in front of everyone if you pulled that shit again.” Bam shrugged, obviously in the mood to get a rise out of you. “Do it, then.” You raised your eyebrows. “Alright, if you say so.” You pulled him away from the wall, shoving him down to his knees in front of you and tangling your fingers in his hair, tugging on it to force him to look up at you. Steve-O and Ryan, who’d still been talking through all of this, suddenly noticed what was going on and were watching with confused looks; Johnny was grinning wildly, and Chris just took another bite of his pizza and leaned back on the couch. You glanced up and apologetically shrugged. “Sorry to interrupt your conversation, boys, but Bam needs to be taught a little lesson. Feel free to leave.” Ryan snorted with laughter, taking a sip from his beer can. “Leave? I wanna see this.” Bam stared up at you in shock, clearly having believed that you were bluffing about this.

You smiled down at him. “What’s the matter? You didn’t think I was kidding, did you? You’ve been a bad boy, Bam, I’m not gonna let that slide.” You lowered your voice a bit, softening your gaze just long enough to ask him to repeat the safe word, just to remind him that this was optional. He quietly said it back, not bothering to use it, and you proceeded. “Alright, let’s put that whiny little mouth to good use.” You reached under your skirt and carefully pulled your panties down, kicking them aside and lifting up the hem of your skirt as you pushed Bam’s head forward. He obediently shoved his head under your skirt, moving his hands up to wrap around your legs for balance as he pressed his lips against your pussy. The room had gone deadly silent; the boys were all fixated on the sight of Bam with his head under your skirt and his hands squeezing at your thighs. You hiked your skirt up higher and pulled the hem up just enough so that the boys could get a good view.

Bam looked up at you vulnerably, tongue darting out as he lapped at your entrance, swirling the tip of his tongue around your clit. Your grip on his hair tightened and you gently pushed his head closer to your pussy, signaling for him to pick up the pace a bit. He obediently pushed his tongue inside you, licking a line up your wet folds as his fingers rubbed circles over your thighs. “There we go, just like that. You’re so pretty when you’re not mouthing off to me like a little brat, Bam, I should have you do this more often.” Bam’s cheeks went red, his eyes closed in concentration as he licked eagerly at your dripping pussy, and you turned your attention to your captivated audience. “Don’t be afraid to make requests, boys, I’m open to new ideas.” Chris, Ryan and Steve-O couldn’t seem to tear their eyes away from the scene long enough to respond, but Johnny grinned and leaned forward. “You should sit on his face, sugar.”

You smirked, glancing down to see Bam’s eyes light up eagerly. He liked having his face sat on, even if he’d never say it out loud. “That’s a very good idea, thank you Johnny. Lay on your back, Bam, I’m sure you can handle breathing through your nose for a few minutes.” Bam quickly laid on his back on the floor, his hard cock prominently showing through his tight jeans; on any other occasion, you would have given it some attention, but given the circumstances, it seemed more appropriate to ignore it for now. You gently kneeled over his face, your bare pussy barely an inch from his waiting lips as you pressed your thighs against either side of his head. Bam stared up at you in anticipation, waiting for you to move down enough for him to taste you, and you smiled as you lowered your pussy down so that it was pressed against his lips. Bam immediately opened his mouth, wrapping his lips around your pussy and licking and sucking at your vulva.

You pushed your hips all the way down so that his mouth was stuffed with your pussy, and you pulled your skirt up again so the boys in the room could get a good view. Johnny was still watching just as unashamed as he’d been the whole time, and Ryan had moved a few feet closer to get a better look, but Steve-O looked like he wasn’t sure whether to move forward or not and Chris was still firmly sunk down into the couch with his slice of pizza in hand. Bam’s mouth was smushed up against your pussy, his tongue eagerly licking at your clit as he tried desperately to get you to push your pussy down even harder against his face. You grinned. “I’ve never seen someone be so addicted to eating pussy, you’ve definitely got that going for you, Bam.” Johnny got up from the couch and walked over, tilting his head as he watched Bam lap at your pussy like a starved man. “Wow, he really likes that, doesn’t he?”

You smiled proudly, leaning down to stroke Bam’s hair. “He sure does. He’s cum in his pants a few times just from doing this, you know.” Johnny raised his eyebrows. “Really? Damn, Bam, that’s a little freaky even for you.” He glanced over at Bam’s lower half, and his grin widened. “Maybe he’ll cum in his pants again, he’s hard as a fuckin’ rock right now.” You looked over your shoulder and sure enough, Bam’s cock was straining against his jeans hard enough that his zipper had started to come undone. You faked a look of pity, leaning back to rub your hand over the bulge. Bam moaned softly against your clit, his hips bucking up against your touch, and you clicked your tongue. “Poor baby, your tiny little cock looks like it’s gonna burst out of those jeans. Want to take them off?” Bam nodded eagerly, his tongue still swirling over your clit, and you pulled off of him, causing him to whine loudly in protest.

“Baby, I wasn’t done–” You shushed him, getting up from his face and kneeling down to work on getting his jeans off. You rubbed your hand over the bulge again, grinning as a high-pitched moan left Bam’s mouth, and then gently pulled the zipper the rest of the way down, unbuttoning the button and moving to pull the jeans down Bam’s legs. He lifted his ass up to help you get them off, and you looked down to see a small wet spot on Bam’s boxers. Johnny laughed. “I knew he’d already busted a load.” You playfully rolled your eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, Johnny, his loads are bigger than that. He’s definitely excited, though.” You pulled the boxers off, eyes widening when Bam’s red, painfully hard erection slapped against his belly. “Holy fuck, Bam, you’re hard. Usually it takes at least an hour of edging to get you like this, maybe I should have your friends watch more often.” Bam didn’t respond, bucking his hips up to goad you into touching him again.

You wrapped your hand around his cock, giving it a firm pump to feel how hard it was, and Bam gasped like he was about to cum already, so you quickly released your grip. By this point, Ryan had gotten over his shyness and was standing next to Johnny, taking sips from his beer can as he watched the scene with interest. Steve-O and Chris still hadn’t moved, and you looked up at them with an understanding look. “I told you boys you’re allowed to go, you know. You don’t have to sit and watch if you don’t want to.” Steve-O nodded gratefully and made a beeline for the door. “Sorry, this is pretty hot but I don’t want to get a boner cuz then I’ll have to either jerk off in front of all of you or jerk it in the bathroom like a teenager.” You laughed as you watched him go, and then glanced at Chris. “And you?” Chris smiled and held up his slice of pizza. “I’ll just watch from here, I wanna see where this goes.”

You turned your attention back to Bam, helping him pull his shirt off so he was totally naked, and you rubbed your hands over his bare chest as you deliberated what to do next. Your fingers lightly traced over Bam’s nipples, and he shivered. “Hmm, what should I do with you now? I don’t want to fuck you just yet, you’ll blow your load way too quickly.” You glanced back at the boys. “Any ideas? Ryan?” Ryan looked up in thought and took another sip from his beer. “You said something about edging him earlier, you should do that.” Johnny laughed. “There’s no way his dick could get any harder or redder than it is right now.” You smirked. “Guess we’ll find out.” You leaned over and gently kissed Bam on the lips, pushing a stray lock of hair out of his face. “How does that sound, baby? You want me to edge you in front of Johnny and Ryan?” Bam nodded eagerly, bucking his hips up again frantically.

“Good boy. Here, you start.” You grabbed his hand and guided it to his cock, signaling for him to jerk himself off, which he obediently did, rubbing his thumb over his tip and loosely moving his hand over his shaft, moaning softly under his breath at the pleasure. You sat back to watch, smiling fondly as you watched him touch himself. Bam swiped his hand over the head of his cock, lubing his cock up with the precum that was leaking from his tip; he gradually increased his pace, his hand sliding slickly over his shaft as his belly jerked and his mouth fell open. “Yeah, there you go, jerk your cock just like that, baby. Use your free hand and rub your balls for me, just like that.” Bam obediently moved his left hand down to play with his balls, groaning loudly as his precum dripped down from his slit and slicked up his sack. He threw his head back, eyes squeezed shut as he mercilessly pumped his cock, already starting to near his orgasm.

“Slow down, baby, this isn’t a normal handjob. You better stop right before you cum or I’ll make sure you don’t get another orgasm for a week.” Bam nodded, slightly disappointed, and slowed his pace down to evenly-timed strokes; he rubbed his hand over the head a few more times, his breathing getting heavier as he got closer and closer to cumming, and then, just as you’d asked, he stopped right on the edge of his orgasm, looking slightly drained as he released his cock and looked over to you for approval. You smiled, leaning over to push his hair off of his sweat-slicked forehead. “Good boy, that was once. I think we can go two more times, what do you say?” Bam nodded, looking less than enthused at the prospect of having to ruin his own orgasm two more times, and you gave him a knowing look. “Want me to do it this time?” He perked up, nodding eagerly. “Beg me like a good boy, Bam.”

He side-eyed Johnny and Ryan, who were still watching intently, and you grinned. “Aw, are you embarrassed to beg in front of your friends? Come on, Bam, beg or I’ll make you edge yourself another ten times and I won’t help you at all.” Bam gave you a puppy dog look, trying to soften you up, but you didn’t budge, and eventually he sighed dramatically and sat up, grabbing your hand and moving it towards his crotch as he stared pleadingly into your eyes. “Please touch my cock, (Y/n), I need it so bad, it hurts so much it feels like my cock’s gonna explode, please jerk me off.” You smiled. “That’s more like it. Lay back down and let me take care of you, baby.” Bam laid down on his back again, staring up at you eagerly as he absentmindedly stroked his finger over the length of his cock from where it laid against his belly. You gently moved his hand away, rubbing one of your palms over his chest and tummy as your other hand firmly gripped his shaft.

Bam relaxed, clearly expecting the slow, sensual type of handjob he usually received from you, but you’d already decided it would be more fun to go for the kind of fast, rough handjob that would bring him to the brink of orgasm much faster. You gently teased the tip of his cock with your finger, swiping up the bead of precum that leaked from the tip and licking it off your fingertip; Bam moaned, bucking his hips up lightly, and you wrapped your fingers around the base and slowly pumped it up and down, smiling when Bam leaned his head back against the floor in contentment and mumbled softly under his breath. “Fuck, that feels good.” You continued to jerk him off slowly, luring him into a false sense of security, and then you leaned over and spat on the head of his cock to lube it up, begging to gradually increase your pace as you pumped his cock. Johnny chuckled quietly from behind you, clearly having picked up on what you were doing.

Bam didn’t notice at first, still laying back against the floor as you started jerking him faster and faster, until you were jerking him as quickly as you could, at which point Bam’s head suddenly shot up, eyes wide as weak little moans left his mouth. “Fuck, (Y/n), slow down, I thought the point was for me to not cum.” You grinned. “Oh don’t worry, you’re not gonna cum. I’ll make sure of it.” Bam laid back down uneasily, his belly and hips jerking uncontrollably as you harshly pumped his shaft and massaged his sack with your free hand. Ryan crushed his empty can against his forehead and tossed it aside, looking slightly confused. “Wait, why are you going so fast if you don’t want him to cum?” You looked at him, not slowing down your pace in the slightest, and you smirked. “The faster I do it, the faster he gets close to cumming. The faster he gets close to cumming, the faster I can stop him from getting to cum.” Ryan’s eyes widened in understanding, and he nodded. “That’s evil as hell, but also pretty damn smart.”

You laughed. “Thanks, I try.” Johnny leaned over to get a better look as your hand rubbed over Bam’s achingly hard little cock, and he grinned. “I think he’s getting close.” You glanced over and sure enough, Bam’s eyes were closed, his mouth open just slightly as he bucked his hips up against your touch. He was starting to whimper, which was a telltale sign that he was close to cumming, and his cock was starting to twitch; you ran your thumb over the tip again repeatedly, watching Bam’s face for a sign he was about to cum, and when his mouth started to fall open, you abruptly covered the tip of his cock with your finger to stop him from cumming. Bam whined loudly, laying his head back against the floor as he caught his breath again, and you leaned down to kiss his inner thigh. “Aw, don’t be mad, baby, you’re almost done. Just one more time to go.”

Bam sighed. “Am I doing it this time or are you?” You grinned, exchanging a look with Johnny and Ryan as an idea came to your mind. “Actually, I was thinking maybe I could use something special for this last one.” Bam frowned. “Huh?” You patted his thigh and stood up. “Hold on, let me get something really quickly.” Bam looked like he really didn’t want to lay there naked on the floor with his friends standing over him, but he didn’t protest, and you ran off to your bedroom to open the drawer in your dresser devoted to you and Bam’s sex toys. You searched around for a moment, looking through the various toys, until your eyes landed on what you’d been looking for: your favorite vibrator. One of your favorite things to do with Bam was to use a vibrator on his cock; it always made him cum ten times faster.

You walked back out to the living room, where Johnny had started up a conversation with Bam (who was clearly too horny and uncomfortable to really pay attention). “I got it!” Everyone looked over to see what you were holding; Ryan looked confused again, Johnny looked pleased, and Bam looked straight up terrified; he knew the change of him cumming on accident was so much higher with the vibrator, and if he came on accident, he wouldn’t get to cum again for a week. It was very risky, even for the two of you. You sat back down beside him, brandishing the vibrator with a sly grin. “You look excited.” Bam eyed the toy with a nervous look. “Are you trying to make me lose?” You laughed, leaning over to hold his cock steady by the base as you held up the vibrator. “Relax, baby, I’ll stop it before you cum. I need you to really be on edge so that when I finally fuck you, you’ll cum so quickly it’ll be embarrassing for both of us.” Bam shot you a look. “You’re mean.”

You gave him a quick peck on the lips and smiled. “I know, baby. Here, let’s get this started.” You turned the vibrator on, grinning when Bam flinched at the buzzing sound, and Johnny let out a gleeful laugh from behind you. “Oh man, this I’ve gotta see.” Ryan still looked confused. “What the fuck are you gonna do with that?” You didn’t respond, gently pressing the tip of the vibrator against the head of Bam’s cock. Bam instantly jerked his hips forward, a loud, desperate moan leaving his lips as the vibrations touched his cock. You ran it up the length of his shaft, watching as beads of precum leaked from the tip, and he jerked his hips up again, his hands searching around the floor for something to grab on to. You held out your free hand, and he took it, squeezing it tightly as you rubbed circles over his shaft with the vibrator. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Johnny wasn’t laughing anymore, watching Bam’s reaction with a look of total astonishment. “Damn, he’s almost speechless.” Ryan folded his arms, watching the whole situation with a totally bewildered expression. “I can’t say I’ve ever seen anyone use a vibrator that way, but it looks like it feels fucking incredible.” You grinned. “What can I say, I’m an innovator.” Bam moved his hand down and grabbed your wrist, trying to get you to move the vibrator farther up his shaft. “Right here.” You nodded, moving it up to where he wanted it, and he threw his head back so hard he nearly slammed it against the floor. “Oh fuck, I’m gonna cum, (Y/n), turn it off, turn it off, turn it off–” You quickly turned the vibrator off, watching Bam’s cock get impossibly harder and redder to the point where it looked painful. He whimpered softly, his chest rising and falling quickly as he stared at you with half-lidded eyes. “Please tell me that was the last time.” You laughed. “Yes.”

Bam sighed in relief, and you moved to toss the vibrator aside; Johnny reached down and took it from you, examining the logo on the bottom. “What brand is this? I need one of these.” You playfully rolled your eyes and turned back to Bam, moving to straddle his waist and taking special care not to accidentally brush your bare pussy against his tip as you hovered over him, knowing he’d probably bust a load instantly if you did. Bam automatically grabbed at your hips, waiting for you to lower yourself onto him, and you smirked. “Don’t be so eager, Bam. Remember, your friends are here, you don’t want them to see you be a two-pump chump, do you?” Bam’s face went red as he glanced over at his friends, and he shook his head. “Good. Try and last as long as you can for me, okay?” You didn’t bother to wait for him to respond, immediately sinking down on Bam’s cock without so much as a warning.

Bam gasped at the sensation, his fingers squeezing at your thighs as your warm, wet pussy enveloped his sensitive cock. Bam shut his eyes and leaned his head back against the floor again, clearly trying his hardest to focus on not cumming right then and there, and you shook your head in fake sympathy. “Poor thing. I bet it feels like your cock’s about to explode right now, doesn’t it? It’s probably taking all your energy not to just bust your load inside me right now, and your friends are standing right there watching all of this. Your friends are gonna find out that you can’t go more than a couple of minutes in bed, how humiliating is that?” You pulled all the way off his cock and then slammed back down on it again, grinning when you felt Bam’s cock twitch wildly inside you and his fingernails dig into your skin. “What’s the matter, scared you’re gonna cum already? Go ahead and do it, baby, show Johnny and Ryan how pathetic you are for me.”

Bam shook his head feebly, trying his best not to cum yet, and you pulled off his cock once again, teasingly rubbing your wet folds over his tip. “I won’t ask again, Bam, go ahead and cum, you know you want to.” He shook his head again, still doing his best to hold it in, and you slowly sank down on his cock, tightening up around his cock as you stared into his eyes with a smirk. Bam whimpered, eyes squeezed tightly shut as he weakly bucked his hips up against you, and you leaned down to grab his chin, forcing him to look at you. “I know good and well that your pathetic little cock isn’t gonna last for much longer, baby. Maybe I should get off now and we can go back to edging you–” Bam shook his head frantically. “No, no, don’t make me do that again, (Y/n), I don’t think my dick can take any more of that.” You raised your eyebrows. “You better get a move on then, Bam, I’m starting to get impatient.”

Bam glanced over at Johnny and Ryan again hesitantly, clearly not wanting them to see him cum so quickly, but he knew better than to wait. He relaxed, finally giving up on trying not to cum, and you tightened up around him one more time, smiling in satisfaction when Bam’s hips started bucking wildly and he threw his head back, moaning loudly as he came inside you. It was a long, heavy load, and by the time he finished, his hair was stuck to his forehead from sweat and his face was bright red, his chest rising and falling slowly and his eyes fluttering shut from pure exhaustion. You stayed there for a second, not getting off of his cock as you stared at him in awe, and Bam groaned softly under his breath. “It’s really sensitive right now, baby.” You winced apologetically. “Sorry baby, I got distracted by how pretty you look after you cum.” You pulled off of his cock, and it fell limply against his thigh.

You ignored the cum dripping down your thighs as you knelt by Bam’s head, gently pushing his hair away from his forehead and stroking his face as he came down from his orgasm. You ran the pad of your thumb over his lips, smiling when he opened his mouth automatically to give you access. “God, you’re pretty.” Bam blushed and looked away. “Whatever.” You leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips, and then you heard Ryan clear his throat from behind you. He looked about as uncomfortable as one could expect in this situation, while Johnny looked as amused as ever. “Oh shit, sorry boys, I forgot you were here. Listen, this was fun, but I need to take Bam up to our room for some aftercare, so you guys can go home now. Maybe we can do this again sometime and I’ll let Bam take care of those erections you’ve got going on.” Both men were noticeably hard. Bam mumbled something along the lines of “yeah right”, and Johnny laughed. “Maybe.”

The two men left, and you turned back to Bam, who was still laying totally naked on the floor. “Here, let’s go upstairs and I’ll run a hot shower so we can clean off.” You helped Bam stand, and he leaned against you for support, burrowing his head in your neck as the two of you stood there for a moment. You kissed him on the forehead. “You did a very good job today, baby. You were such a good boy for me, letting me use you in front of your friends like that. I think they liked it.” Bam laughed quietly. “You think? Knoxville’s jeans looked like they were gonna split open.” You smiled. “He’s weird, but I like how open he is, he could be fun to bring into the bedroom sometime.” Bam looked at you. “What about Ryan?” You shrugged. “If he wants, but he didn’t seem too into it.” Bam started to walk with you towards the steps, shaking his head. “I could tell he was, he just gets awkward around sex. I’ll ask him sometime.” The two of you began to head up the stairs, and you glanced back towards the living room couch, eyes widening in shock. “Oh shit, Chris fell asleep on our couch at some point.”

[bi-bard]

I Guess Sometimes We All Get Just What We Wanted - Emily Prentiss Imagine (Criminal Minds)

Title: I Guess Sometimes We All Get Just What We Wanted

Pairing: Emily Prentiss X Reader

Based On: Midnight Rain

Word Count: 1,111 words

Warning(s): mention of failed relationship/engagement

Summary: The team wants to know more about their newest team member, Emily Prentiss. This leads to the reveal of a story that she would've rather kept buried.

Author's Note: Oh my god, we're getting Prentiss back in a few weeks. Y'all. I'm not ready.

MIDNIGHT - TAYLOR SWIFT WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

------------------------

When Emily joined the B.A.U team, there was a lot of curiosity.

People wanted to know about their new team member. It was a normal thing to have questions about. Emily wasn't upset with them for that. She knew that expecting them to never ask questions would be unrealistic.

Emily just felt like she was a little too busy proving that she deserved to be there at all to start gossiping about her personal life.

Until there was one day when they all found themselves crowded around the little break area. Late night, early morning... coffee was a necessity at this point. Garcia had even waited to enjoy her drink before she ran back to her office. The only one missing was Hotch, who seemed to survive more on paperwork than coffee.

Emily had looked over at Spencer, who was sitting at the end of the little white table. His mug was sitting in front of him as he quickly flipped through the pages of a new book. Emily scanned the cover. Her eyes almost felt like they got snagged on the name printed on it.

"What book is that," she asked before she could even try to talk herself out of it.

"Garcia got it for me," Spencer explained, not pulling his eyes from the book.

"Garcia got you a book of poems?"

This time Spencer did look up, pausing for a moment before answering, "It's a personal joke."

Emily nodded, chuckling a bit.

"Why do you ask," he brought the conversation back to Emily's question.

"Oh, I know the author."

The entire team seemed to snap their heads over to her.

"Really?" J.J chimed in.

"Yeah... (Y/n) (Y/l/n)... we're... old friends."

Emily could've sworn that all of them raised an eyebrow at the same exact time. How long until she was able to do that?

"What?"

"Do you realize how much you paused during a sentence that had six words," Morgan asked.

Emily could've rolled her eyes.

"I wanna know everything," Garcia said quickly. "Please."

"It's nothing-"

"Come on, there's gotta be some kind of story," Morgan pushed. Probably only because Garcia had, but that was something to be addressed on a different day.

"Yeah," J.J joined in, effectively catching Emily off guard.

Emily sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose for a moment. "We... God, alright, listen..."

There were maybe two more pushes from Garcia before Emily finally let the truth slip.

"We were together," she explained. The team was silent after that. "Almost... Almost engaged, actually."

Any empty seats at the table were taken in a matter of moments. Emily felt like it was show-and-tell day at school.

"Well..."

She suddenly realized that she had never told this story out loud. She didn't have little safe checkpoints to get to. What was she meant to describe to them?

"We... we met in college," she looked around the team more than she looked at them. "(Y/n) was always a bit of a hopeless romantic... kinda comes with the poet thing, I guess. They were persistent. Not in a creepy way or anything... they just were."

Emily could've cringed at herself. She didn't feel like she was doing a good job explaining this.

"I was dismissive at first. Nice enough to be friendly. When (Y/n) finally asked me, they had worn me down. They... They showed up at my apartment door with a rose. We were broke college kids, so we didn't have a lot of spare money, but they took me on a picnic. I just... I remembered being so calm and relaxed. I spent all of college just getting my work done. With them, I didn't need to do that.

"After that... it's all a bit of a blur. I had never been in a relationship as intense as that one. We were spending the night at each other's place all the time, I was suddenly being cared for every day, there would poems and kind acts and just... everything."

Emily paused a moment, a small grin crossing her face. She didn't need to share every detail with the team, but she couldn't help that her mind suddenly flashed through the kisses and the touches. The nights together and the poems that (Y/n) would mutter to her as they kissed her skin.

She shook her head and kept talking, "(Y/n) gave me a poem to say they loved me. They were a hopeless romantic that got nervous around big romantic moments. I was swept off my feet, completely. Everything simply felt so simple with them."

The happy moments. Emily could lie. Say that they simply fell out of love but at least they had happy moments.

But that would be a lie that the team would probably see right through.

"I think we were together for a little over a year and a half before they proposed," she felt a guilty feeling in her chest. She never realized how long she avoided speaking about this. "It was... It was over dinner at their place. They had decorated... and cooked my favorite foods. There were candles and music and stuff...

"And then, they went to grab the wine and then just... asked. Had a little ring and everything."

There was a pause. A long pause. One where Emily was trying to calm the sickening feeling in her gut.

"And you said no," Garcia asked. Not condescending or upset or anything. Just curious. It helped Emily more than Garcia would ever realize.

"Not at first," she admitted. "I... I don't know if it was just too sudden or maybe I wanted to say 'yes' at the time, but I said yes. And then... I sat up all night... just staring at the ring... and I just... I couldn't do it. I was so focused on my work, and I was worried getting married would... prevent that. So... I got up, grabbed the things I had left there, wrote a letter, left the ring... and I ran."

The team was silent after that.

But Emily didn't see any judgment. It was just a lot of processing. Attempting to understand the timeline that Emily had just given them.

Spencer was the first to move, going to flip through the book pages quickly.

Morgan was the first one to actually speak up.

"You still think about them," he asked.

"Sometimes," Emily nodded. "I doubt the feeling's mutual."

"You're wrong," Spencer said.

"Oh, thanks, Reid," Emily chuckled.

Spencer held out the book to Emily. He was right, she had been wrong about the feeling not being mutual.

In front of her was the last poem in the book.

A simple title.

For Emily.

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Author's Note: This song always sounded like opening up to a close friend about something at like two in the morning at a sleepover. That's why it was written like this instead of having flashbacks to these moments.

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[depravity-n-savagery]

Imagine being someone who writes smut stories, and you're dating Eddie.

He'd definitely read them to you. 😏

‎♡‧₊˚ Eddie Munson x (fem)Reader - 18+ smut blurb

⊹ ੈ♡ — — — — — — — — — — — ₊˚ ‧₊ ๑ ˎˊ˗

You try to hide the hobby from him at first. Embarrassed because you think he'd be freaked out. Especially if he finds the stories you've written about him, filled with sexual fantasies and scenes of things you wish he'd do to you in reality.

Then one day he's looking through your bookbag while you use the bathroom. Just to copy some of your notes for class. Instead he finds THE notebook. Dog-eared right at the end of the most recent short story you wrote about him. It was absolute filth. All the rough treatment that you were too shy to ask for. The dirty words you longed to hear him say to you. The positions. The passion. It surprised him how much it all turned him on. Knowing his seemingly innocent girl was a lot hornier than she let on.

So he has an idea.

By the time you came back into the bedroom, he was standing at the foot of the bed with your notebook open in his hands. It felt like all the blood drained from your body, and your heart sunk into the pit of your stomach. Oh my god. He probably thinks I'm so fucking gross now.

Until he starts to read. Out loud.

"He stood there, looking sexy as ever. Like the new-age sculpture of a Greek deity. Soft skin over hard muscle, like carved marble. To others, he was plain and even repulsive. To me? He was an adonis."

He read your words like they were highly respected literature. The way one would perform Shakespeare (minus the old type of accent). That part didn't surprise you. You were used the dramatic ways he told stories during his Hellfire campaigns. Still, there was something about the way he bled seduction into the delivery. It kept you nailed to your spot by the door. Frozen as he continued with a grin.

"I really like this part here." He said, guiding his eyes to the proper paragraph with his index finger on the page. "Nobody felt pleasure in giving pleasure the way Eddie did. He could give it to you softly as a gift, or wield it roughly as a weapon. Attacking your clit and holding it hostage until you surrendered. Taking you out with a deep whisper of encouragement." His voiced dropped in tone, dripping with sex. "There you go. That's my good girl." Ghh

It made your heart race, throbbing in your chest, ears and another area that was beginning to feel very neglected. "I- Eddie, I can explain. I never meant for you to-"

"To find this?" Eddie held the book up, closing it but keeping his thumb in place so he wouldn't lose the page. He closed the distance between you, and softly kissed your lips. So chaste it felt out of place, given the words he just said to you barely a minute ago. "Sweetheart, I'm not upset or weirded out. Is this-" He gestured with the book again. "-the kind of stuff you really want from me?"

It was impossible to lie straight to his face. You've never been able to do it, even before you became a couple. So you bit the bullet and nodded your head slowly.

"Why didn't you say so? All this time I was taking it slow because I thought you wanted it that way. You never seemed fully satisfied. But from what I've read so far... I could've been fucking your brains out for months now."

He reached behind you and closed the bedroom door, locking it so his uncle wouldn't open it whenever he got in from work. The book was opened again, and flipped right to the start of the first smut scene. "Get on the bed, baby. We've got a lot to catch up on."

♡ A/N: Couldn't get this thought out of my head 🤣 So here we are. It ALMOST became a full smut fic, but I just didn't have it in me. If anyone else decides to use the idea for a fic though, tag me. I'd LOVE to read it! ~

Masterlist, Ao3