#and i wanna curl up and die
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i can't wait for this group project to end
#i basically did all the written work + making images#my lectuer came up to me yesterday and said 'yeah your group has good teamwork and time managment'#at least the other two in the group show up and contribute to doing (1) one thing#and i wanna curl up and die
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just stumbled on the most soul wrenching quote from mitch
#honestly the entire article just gut punch after gut punch tbh#it's from just before he won the mem cup#was also reminded that his house literally burned down during their cup run#i wanna curl up and die#mitch marner#leafs
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I AM ACC HAVING A SEIZURE RN WTF IS HAPPENING ON HERE ON NINJAGO TUMBLR I AM BEING BOMBARDED WITH SPOILERS AND GOD PLEASE HALP IM VER OVERWHELMED WHYYYY IM ONLY SSN7 WTAF HELPHELPHELP
#ninjago#help#cole brookstone#jay walker#kai smith#zane julien#lego ninjago#send help#help help help#NO SPOILERS.#OK?#gyatt#i wanna curl up and die.
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Ovulation horny is one thing, but period horny is another.
#it's horror I tell you#one second I have the biggest craving to ride something and the next I get a cramp so bad I wanna curl up and die#ughhh
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uhm... 👉👈 Ray hitman AU? maybe? if you were up for it? pretty pretty please? 🙏
-For those who don't know I made a shitpost about Ray being a hitman because I looked up housing prices in Los Feliz (and how medical debt works) and SIR HOW THE HELL DO YOU AFFORD THAT HOUSE ON A PHOTOGRAPHER'S SALARY.
-It starts when one of the Petal Pushers has a very abusive, stalker ex. She had tried everything, but even with a restraining order, it isn't enough. Law enforcement just shrugs and suggests she moves (again) after 'someone' breaks into her house, ransacks it and kills her cat.
-It's not like Rose and Ray meant to kill him. But it's what happens. They manage to make it look like an accident. They never tell Violet, but deep down she knows.
-Somehow word gets around and they suddenly have a booming side hustle of taking out abusive spouses, partners, exes, stalkers, etc.
-Ray starts to take on the most of the wet work, with Rose doing the research and being his alibi.
-He's always been a great shot. He won Rose so many stuffed animals at carnival shooting games that they had to start donating them to shelters.
-They do have very strict rules on who they work with and who their targets are. Ray gets very good at stalking people with a giant long distance tele-lens. Both the people who hire them (to make sure they're telling the truth) and the targets.
-The prices they charge vary, and they even have perfected the scheme of 'take out life insurance on him and we get half of the pay out' for people who are in a bad financial situation. Those are trickier because he has to make the deaths look like an accident.
-Listen I'm not saying a few of the plants in Rose's Plant Wall in the studio are toxic. Of course they aren't, they have children running around in there.
-The ones under the grow-light in the attic though....
-He tells everyone he's a photographer but really, he only knows how to work the tele-lens. Rose jokes he could become the world's greatest paparazzi if he wanted to.
-Rarely does he get up close and personal with the targets, but he did made an exception once when 'My Ex Is An Abusive Scumbag number 87' really, really wanted Ray to know the client was right by going after his kid from his first marriage, because his favourite target (their client) wasn't there to take his rage out on.
-He starts hitting the gym after that because it was a liiiiittle too close for comfort.
-As spoken by @floating-in-the-blue: THAT'S WHY HE'S SO FIRM.
-They buy a big house and have money to send the kids to summer camp and fancy music school and the likes. When people ask he just smiles and shrugs and said he signed an NDA so he can't talk about most of his Big Photography Clients.
-Carlos and Julie think their dad is the biggest goober and he totally is. He forgets where he put his phone because he's too busy with the 700 other details of his job. He can tell if any of the parts of his work-toolbox have been moved even a millimeter.
-Just imagine Reggie like: wow Ray really does a lot of research about his photography clients, I wonder if it's like an engagement shoot or something.
-IT WAS NOT AN ENGAGEMENT SHOOT. There was a shooting, though.
-He's a little shell-shocked but still follows Ray down to where he meets the client to promise her it's done, and she cries and tells him thank you and mentions some of the awful things the guy has done or threatened to do, and then he gets it.
-They stage it to look like a break-in gone wrong. Reggie helps knock some shit over when they're distracted like: he's a ghost there are no finger prints. He stays after Ray leaves and watches the woman 'come home' and call the cops. She's either a really good actress, or the tears are just more tears of relief.
-He's really, really glad the abusive guy didn't come back as a ghost though, that would have been so awkward.
-Reggie decides that Julie can never, ever know.
#julie and the phantoms#not!fic#I wrote a thing#ray molina#rose molina#reggie peters#Reggie is the best little ghost accomplice#he's been a distraction from people who might have noticed Ray 'working'#he's calmed down pets and kept them out of the way#(nobody noticed the little cat toy floating in the living room while Ray finished the job in the bedroom after the guy 'OD'ed')#has he haunted a few people Ray's been researching so they have a few awful days before they die mysteriously? Perhaps#he's also alerted Ray about stuff that either meant the potential client was lying or all was not as it seemed#or if things were even worse than they seemed#did he spend the day curled up under a pile of Luke and Alex#because he had to subtley tell Ray there was a WOMAN CHAINED UP IN THE BASEMENT?#he doesn't wanna talk about it#hitman ray
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I am getting beaten to death by my own body.
#YIPEE for cramps to the point where you want to curl up in a ball and die#I slept with a hot water bottle for the first time in YEARS#I just wanna be taken out#ooc.
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why is the process of making a will like pulling fucking teeth and i dont even have a guarantee that my family wont be allowed to have control over my body when i die which is the only reason i wanted to go through this process in the first place
#god forbid you have no family and arent married and die#LIKE DOES THIS NOT INFURIATE MORE PEOPLE. IS IT JUST ME.#FOR FUCKS SAKE#the amount of things in life that depend on you having a group of people that will take care of you makes me want to rip my hair out#what the fuck are people all on their own with no family or other supports supposed to do#why are more people no angry about this#like what are we even supposed to do when faced with life circumstances like this. is this a problem i can even fix or work around?#because im completely lost i wanna just curl up and die i feel like im never gonna get anywhere
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CONTAINS MWIII SPOILERS!!!! SCROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK!!
A gif to separate This is a review of the MWIII Campaign! -
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I'm going to shoot myself. Oh my god I've never felt so......wow The story was great, I absolutely loved playing. The open combat was my favorite (And also all the cutscenes with Ghost). Being honest I did not like that they brought back Graves. That did not make any sense to me and honestly made me annoyed.
I did not like the Danger Close mission, Yes because of Graves, but also because I just suck :3
I absolutely LOVED the Oligarch and Highrise missions, I had the most fun playing those. I was so emersed in the game during that, sneaking around as Soap, shooting people with the silenced M4 I found (And also Ghost during the interrogation cutscene HOOOMAMA). Playing as Gaz and zipping through the hallways of this big ass building, Got my blood pumping. But then......Soap Holy shit I actually sobbed in front of my viewers. It happened so fast and I hate them for it...but it was also handled well? Like when you're in that situation, theres no time to think or prevention for it. I'm genuinely heart broken, Johnny died a hero. Seeing Ghost run to Johnny and check his pulse, hearing him say Johnny in a concerned and scared voice.... Hearing Ghost's voice break a bit when he was saying "Rest in peace, Johnny" ...fuck man Great fucking campaign, I haven't cried this much since Titanfall 2.
On a lighter note, Ghosts hands are fucking huge and in a way it was comforting to see how he was able to hold Johnny's ashes so easliy. Rest in Peace Johnny, You're in our hearts forever.
#simon ghost riley#call of duty#cod#ghost cod#cod mwiii#call of duty mwiii#mwiii spoilers#soap mwiii#john soap mactavish#captain john price#kyle gaz garrick#tf 141#141#Im gonna go curl up and die and also maybe throw up#I never wanna be this sad again
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uh ohhhh, wanna kms again XD
#spiraled again haha#i wanna kms#ugh fml#could i maybe not for once yk#sad grl#depressing life#txt#988blr#i wanna cvt#i wanna die#i want to curl up and cry#k!ll me please
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me watching someone mischaracterise my own character and then publicly expose said mischaracterisation
#joe moment#TEARIJGN MY HAIR OUTTTTT#< how it be fr#like if it’s ooc for jokes I don’t care that much#but it is. heavily mischaracterised#without any statement that it’s a joke#i just wanna curl up and die MAHSJS
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feeling so fucking terrible today i don't even know if im gonna make it to october
#i just wanna curl up in my bed and fucking die#my ex was right about one thing#im the biggest fucking failure#and i will never do anything in this life#guess i should go and swim with sharks after all lol#everything is fucking pointless#we're all gonna die anyway#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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btw is there any trans woman who wants my uterus? I can give it for free
#I WANNA DIE 😍#i had an argument with my family then argued with my fucking neighbor and then had a severe migraine because of my period#also i threw up lmao#istg today is a nightmare#I just want to curl up like a dog and hug someone lol#or maybe i should simply go to bed#rambles
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I'm tired. Of all of this.
Every fucking day feels like the same, yet it gets heavier. Things get worse, nothing gets better and the few things that gave me security, happiness, where I thought I could escape and be free for some moments, are getting corrupted, forgotten, stained forever, never to be the same refuge they once were.
I'm tired of living sometimes. Of existing on this world.
I know how dying feels; it's calming, the darkness eats you and you feel without worries for the first time in your existance. You know it and that frees you.
But I don't want to die. I'm a coward. I want to continue living on this earth just because I think I can do something in the future, something that will fix everything, something that will give a purporse to everything I've done and lived through.
But we all know that is just a lie to make us feel better, don't we?
Because, at the end of all, do we really matter? What can assure us that?
I'm tired. Too tired.
I want to go somewhere else, but there is nowhere to escape. I want to say that I want to go home, go to the park, go to a forest and be happy. But this is something that will haunt me, haunt me forever and everywhere until the end.
Because you can't escape yourself.
I'm tired...
#I'm not ok right now#my mental health is declining#and everything is getting worse#even the little things that I used to escape reality are rotting#Im just tired#of every single fucking thing that happens#I just wanna curl up and not move at all#Sorry for the vent#but i need to get it out#Im not considering suicide#I don't want to be a weight even after Im gone#and again#i dont want to die#but I just#I just don't want to do this anymore#I don't know what to do#I feel pointless#I think this is just another crisis episode I'm having and I'm going to be fine in some weeks#but I just have to get this out of my chest#I pretend to be ok#to be happy to see if I can truly be happy again#trying to be normal#and ignore everything else that is wrong around me and with me#Sorry again#sorry for the vent#you don't have to worry about me#I don't wanna stress people because I'm not worth it
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being bad at something is so embarrassing like yeah. yeah if I practiced more i’d be better. yeah the reason I don't practice is because i’m bad. i recognise the irony. i’m still not gonna practice
#this is about drawing#I think it's partially because i’m on tumblr and i’m seeing SO much cool art and it's all better than I could do with years of practice#whereas with crochet I Can do it if I watch enough youtube tutorials but I also cba#it's a different vibe though#I just wanna Be Able to draw without spending years learning how to#I knowwww it's a bad mindset to have#but there's nothing like losing 80% of your confidence in five minutes because you zoomed out of a drawing and oh god what is that#how did I think that looked remotely good oh no I have to curl up in a hole and die#I ended up getting good at fic cause I was 12 and into hamilton and the combination of that equals zero shame#and I wish I still had that GLFHSK#I was also on wattpad so like yk full combo of literally no room to be embarrassed#wren wrambles#this is because I tried to draw my webfishing avatar and now I want to blow up
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I just wanna die, more then anything else I wanna die. I'm never going to be normal so what's the point in trying so hard. No one even thinks I'm trying to be good and better, that or they notice but it's not enough to concern themselves with.
#vent#vent post#actually bpd#bpd#bpd thoughts#actually borderline#bpd vent#bpd problems#borderline pd#bpd stuff#i was clean? but who cares#i was being nicer#and for a bit i tried to put myself out there#small exposure yeah?#to get comfier ?#no#who cares though#about cleaning bathing eating studying nothing matters#im gonna die soon anyways#so who cares about being clean or pretty or smart#i wanna curl up and die right now
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aren't you a lesbian?
I did identify as a lesbian for a long ass time, yeah, but now my sexuality/romantic orientation is just kinda ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ tbh lmao
#not snz#i just say I'm queer now#easier#bc i don't fucking know ahdkkalsls#i have a lot of man trauma and didn't know any good men for the longest time#but now the majority of my coworkers are men and i love them and trust them with my life#so the thought of dating a man doesn't make me wanna curl up in a ball and die anymore lmao#i still like women for sure but i find myself going 👀 at guys a lot more now than i used to#but like I've said before idk how i even feel about dating in general#idk i just try not to think about it lmaoooooo#also it's been a hot minute since I've taken lesbian out of the bio#but i guess this is me formally coming out as confused ahdkaksk#flirt with me to see if you can swing me one way or another lmaooooooooo
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