#and i think that kinda fucked me up and they way i see myself and my scars
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doing the same as prev bc. I eat rocks or whatever idk
also hey guys we’re back
also also answering in plaintext even tho not shock bc lazy
I’m this really fucked up mix of traumatic and lonelygenic. Like imagine being traumatized and then being left alone for so long that you split like 150 personalities (and probably more fragments) could never be us. Oh wait
a lot
System used to be all introjects except like one guy (who was the “original” lol) now theres like 4 non-introjects
Shock can do what he wants with the place and nobody else can do jack shit
two of em. The first is like 5 versions of Evbo and one other guy and the second is. Have you ever played slay the princess
yea, all of them are dormant tho so it’s hard to remember how many
Me and a whole bunch of other people discovered at around the same time bc Maryland informed us it’s actually not normal to hear voices
I think roles are handy. We would use them if any of us actually fit into specific roles
imma be real I’ve only ever used the shittier wiki on fandom so idk
Simplyplural. Bad abt keeping track tho
kind of. We’re fairly certain that shock kinda fell apart at some point and then formed back together slightly different, but he’s always been the host.
Mechanical Marionette System. (You never would’ve guessed lol) not saying why we picked it tho cause it kinda sucks to talk about
Robots, cats, monsters, all sorts of guys. And even most of the humanoid ones aren’t fully human, I think
Shock says there’s a cat or two who hang out around his personal part of headspace, but I haven’t been there yet, so I can’t confirm or deny the truth of that
Hhh. I don’t actually know shit abt myself yet (I formed two days ago shut your fuck up) but shock, who is in co-con, marches instead of walking normally for some fucking reason (it’s because of mcr brainrot) (what the fuck is mcr)
No.
Well yk how shock used to run like 8 million gimmick blogs? He thought Yahooo and Evil Yahoo Mail were headmates for a while (they were, in fact, not. Shock just gets way too into roleplaying.)
I mean I wouldn’t say we have like. Any talents that not everyone can do at least a little, but we do all have slightly different handwriting (shock writes in cursive cause he’s working on his cursive so he has much fancier writing than everyone else rn)
idk, not anything specific
see the above
I mean I don’t really know I formed like 2 days ago and I know a total of like 5 people
I don’t think so (I also don’t know)
this is actually killing me dude I don’t know these yet I formed 2 day ago
Not really. Shock says he’s been happy with the way we are, and probably will continue to be unless something crazy irrevocably changes things
funny thing- we all participate in each other’s fandoms, but few of us participate in our own.
i mean. I’m pretty sure all of us are atheist except for like. Shock, Tommy, and maybe Q. (And that other guy who’s like halfway between being a fragment and fully formed rn) we just kinda cope ig cause shock got the body to be an essential part of the local faith community and we can’t really leave without fucking a few people over now
I’m guessing we’ll let shock handle those things. Or maybe hold a vote if there’s any real discourse over it
not really. I mean I think shock wants to decorate headspace for Christmas but the system only formed like a year and a half ago, so we really just haven’t had time to start any
no (body’s dad took Spotify off our phone like 2 days before I formed ): )
not any that’s good enough to share. YET
i mean. Most of us get along well or just don’t talk, but on the rare occasions that real fights happen, Shock uses his superior command of headspace to break it up.
not really, other than the fact that I’m a lot more mentally distinct than some of the others. I mean some other guys have things like that tho (shock marches and writes in cursive a lot, Tommy and the long quiet subsystem are British)
we don’t, but if we did I don’t think they would use it if for no other reason then that it’s a bit difficult to read.
cat (: also wrote the first half of this post
a mix of both. Nobody has a unique interest, but not everyone has all the interests, I guess?
Slay the princess, if the subsystem counts each member separately, or undertale /deltarune if not
caitie
no
Bonezz. Xe was the first non-introject (other than shock)
well kinda
aroace
idk, probably one of the masc-aligning ones
aroace. All of us
simplyplural
yeah, to a degree
depends on circumstance
we experience a shotload of non-system-related amnesia but no system-related amnesia. Which is funny cause it’s the opposite for most people, I think
idk shock does all sorts of batshit crazy things all the time
hbbh. Vanilla probably
shock is dead scared of bugs, even the harmless ones
hmmmmm… orange (“but petey!” You might say. “Orange isn’t an aesthetic-“ fuck you, it is now)
not that we can tell
nope
we don’t have any syskids, but if we did I’m guessing we would all share that responsibility.
nah
i mean. We really don’t tend to switch when we’re in the middle of something, not sure why (although we’ve switched like 8 times while filling this out but shut up) so I don’t really know.
yeah, usually. Especially without amnesia barriers, it’s kind of hard to tell when we’ve switched.
often. It usually just means there’s like a million people co-fronting for us, though, so we just. Idk deal with it
no. Well. Not really
don’t have rn, may add later
Long system ask game!
Because it's been ages since we made one and we felt like it.
What type of system are you?
How many people are there in your system?
Do you have more introjects or non-introjects?
How much control do you have over your headspace (if you have one)?
Do you have any subsystems?
Do you have any in-system couples?
How did you discover your systemhood? Or did you become one on purpose?
How do you feel about system roles, and do you use them?
What are your thoughts on Pluralpedia?
Do you use anything to keep track of switching?
Have you ever had a change in hosts?
Do you have a system name? How did you pick it?
Do you have any nonhuman members? Feel free to list their species!
Do you have any headspace pets?
Current fronter/fronters, share some random info about you!
Do you have a partner system? How did you meet?
Have you ever mistaken a character of yours for a headmate? What about the other way around?
Does anyone have any skills that the others don't?
What's something y'all tend to agree on?
What about something you tend to disagree on?
Do symptoms of neurodivergencies/mental illness tend to manifest the same way or differently among headmates?
Do you have any syskids?
Share an in-system joke!
Has how you view your plurality changed?
If you have fictives, do they participate in their source fandom? If yes, are they open about who they are in fandom spaces?
How do you handle headmates having different spiritual beliefs?
How do you decide on major life decisions (where to live, what to study, what work to have, etc)?
Do you have any system traditons?
Current fronter, do you have your own playlist? Feel free to share it!
Do you have any art of anyone in the system? Feel free to show it off!
How do you handle it when people in the system don't get along?
Current fronter, is there anything that makes it obvious you're the one fronting? (Voice, accent, body language, typing style, etc)
If you have syskids, how do they feel about stereotypical "babby tawk"?
Share something about your newest member!
Do you tend to have collective or separate interests and hobbies?
If you have introjects, what source do you have the most from?
Are you out as plural to anyone irl?
Do you know any systems irl?
Which headmate was the biggest surprise?
Do you have a singletsona?
Do you have any collective labels?
What's the most common gender in your system?
What's the most common sexuality in your system?
What's your favorite app/website/etc for plural stuff?
Do you tend to have the same taste in food or not?
Is it hard or easy for you to switch?
Do you experience system-related amnesia?
Share something weird a headmate has done!
Current fronter, what's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Share a silly fear someone in the system has!
Current fronter, describe your aesthetic!
If you have outworld pets, do they tend to act differently around different headmates?
Has anyone ever figured out you were a system without you telling them?
When it comes to syskids, is there anyone in particular that takes care of them?
Does anyone in the system identify as otherkin, therian, or fictionkin?
Have you ever switched in an awkward moment? What happened?
Do you ever switch without realizing it?
Are you ever blurry? How do you handle it?
Has anyone ever treated an introject badly because of who their source is?
Current fronter, share a pic of your "face claim!"
#Oh boy#That’s gonna be a lot of tags#---shock#---tommy#---petey#<-the guy who formed 2 day ago. By the way.#that was admittedly not as many tags as I thought
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Cockwarming g!p kkura while she's playing a game >.< !!
the most asked fic but can never get enough of!!!1!1! 😫😭🙏
also i apologize for the cringe title but ahem i didnt have any fucking ideas... also i think it looks a bit rushed?? idk 😭
✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆
“Me or the PS5?”
g!p (sub? dom? who am i) Sakura Miyawaki x female reader
Smut (+ crumb of angst?)
Cockwarming
Making out
Marking (hickeys...)
Dirty talk
Cock riding
Mentions of pregnancy (?)
Pet names:3
why does the parrot emoji appear when i type dirty talk... oh wait its just for talk oops 🦜
✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆
"Seriously, you're starting to piss me off, Kkura."
"Look, I'm sorry, I kn-"
"I don't wanna hear it!"
Well, you were fuming. Sakura's schedule was full as always and she comes home when you're asleep; you practically never see her. Until tonight, you were somehow able to stay awake – or it's just that she came home slightly earlier – and you had to confront her about this.
"I'm tired, you know? I feel like I'm alone in this house."
"I understand, Y/N. But I can't-"
"This isn't only for me, Kkura, you're tiring yourself too! Is there really no way you can-"
"No! Okay? I can't! It's how my schedule is, being an idol isn't easy!"
Her sudden outburst made you feel guilty. It's true, you were kind of selfish and wanted her all to yourself- but wait, were you selfish? You weren't seeing her at all! However, you were also looking after her, so...
You both sigh, Sakura rubbing her temples. She was tired, like you, and you had to do something about it.
"Can we... Just go to sleep? I'm tired."
You unclench your fists and nod quietly, both of you heading upstairs.
Days pass and you never really spoke about the situation anymore since Sakura's outburst was the thing that shut you up. But then one afternoon, you come back from the grocery store and enter the house to sound...? Faint music?
You slowly make your way upstairs and-
"Wha..."
Sakura, right there, on your bed, playing a game with a PS5 controller in her hands.
"Kkura?"
"Oh, hey, baby."
"Why are you home so early?"
Sakura explains that she took what you said about tiring herself out into consideration and decided to ask for a day or two off, which actually made you quite surprised.
"...so... You took days off to game?"
Sakura laughs.
"You weren't home, so, heh- I was just enjoying myself."
"Since you're here, can we cuddle, please? I missed you so much."
Sakura smiles guiltily.
"Can I... Finish this round first...?
You climb on the bed and smack her shoulder.
"Are you serious?! Sakura! Come on!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Just... Please, I'm so close."
"Close to what?!"
"Finishing!"
You look at the screen, and she's at the second phase of some boss fight. You look back at your focused girlfriend, pouting.
"So it's the PS5 you're choosing over me?"
"Love, don't be like that... I'll do whatever you want after this, promise."
You smirk.
"You know, cuddles can wait, but... I kinda wanna punish you."
"Uh... Huh?"
"How 'bout you finish that game while I make you finish inside me?"
As the boss does some long animation for a super attack, Sakura looks at you, her cheeks flushed as you pull down her pants and boxers in one go.
"You're not gonna give me head while playing, right? You're not that evil..."
She gulps, preparing herself as the animation is almost over, no longer looking at you.
"Nah, I'm planning on doing something much worse."
That made Sakura's mind 'unfocus' and she barely dodges the attack, making her heart skip a beat at the fear of almost losing to that. While she was panicking, you were already undressed, sitting on her cock and taking it all at once.
"Fuck- Y/N! You-"
"Shhh, don't focus on me now, or you might lose~"
Sakura groans, tilting her head to the side as she wraps her arms around you, controller on your back as you hug her. Your hands slide inside her oversized shirt, roaming on her creamy back, making her shiver because they were cold.
Your lips find their way on her neck, kissing the warm skin. Sakura's mouth being next to your ear made you hear every single breath and whimper and gasp and moan, literally any sound she made.
"Y/N- Since when did you become so tight?"
"That's because you aren't fucking me so often."
As the third phase begins, you hear Sakura moan as you suck a hickey on her neck then she giggles.
"So you're saying you want me to fuck you more?"
You clench around her cock at her words, smirking as you lick the mark you just gave her. You definitely missed feeling her cock hitting you deep inside your pussy, and the memories coming back to you made you feel all hot and sweaty.
"Maybe~"
You plant a kiss on her cheek, teasingly clenching around her dick. She was so focused on her game, it made you wonder how she didn't just throw her controller and started fucking you yet. She must really like her game...
Your hands snake up to her chest, and since she wasn't wearing a bra, it just made the whole thing much easier for you. You squeeze her breasts, rolling her nipples between your fingers. You just do that for a few moments, hearing Sakura moan and squirm underneath you. And then, a cutscene comes up.
"Your lips look so dry, baby."
"So?"
"How about I take care of them for you, mm?"
And with that, you pull her in a deep kiss, to which she surprisingly doesn't hesitate. Controller in one hand, she runs her second one down to your ass, squeezing one of your cheeks as she lifts you up maybe like one millimeter, then back down, as if telling you to fuck yourself on her dick. But you don't, kissing her even harder now.
"That desperate?"
"Fuck you."
It was now her turn to squeeze your breasts, taking one in hand but having difficulties to squeeze it correctly because of your bra. Unfortunately, she couldn't remove it as she couldn't risk both her hands being busy.
It was kinda funny if you think about it; both of you are just making out while you grind on her cock with random people talking in the background because of Sakura's game.
Sakura now runs her hand on your back, pulling you closer to her body as she feels you clench and clench around her nonstop. You could feel her smirk against your lips, and you couldn't help but smirk back.
It was true she might lose this game because of you, but... She would enjoy the way you're making her lose.
"You're always unsatisfied, Y/N."
"Can you blame me?"
She scoffs and thrusts upwards, making you gasp and tighten your grip around her. The cutscene was finally over so the game gained her focus again, leaving you breathless and dangerously close to cumming. You could tell she was also close by how big her cock became.
"K-Kku...~"
"Ngh- Just a second..."
"Please... Please, let me...~"
Your needy and hot voice in her ear made her gush out more precum inside you that you can assume she already came, but she didn't. All you could hear were your joint heartbeats, heavy breathing, soft moans and game sound effects.
"Sakura-"
"Y/N, just a minute."
"Please, so close~"
"Fuck, Y/N..."
"Cum inside me..."
Sakura's sick throbbed at that, and you moan at the feeling.
"Please... Please, just lose, I'll help you beat that level, you know I'm good at it..."
Well, it wasn't a lie, but Sakura stays stubborn. You jolt your hips forward, making Sakura moan.
"Damnit! Y/N, I-"
"Please, I'm a good girl...~"
You kept begging, but she wasn't listening. Just ignoring you seemed like a good plan to her, but little did you know it was so hard to ignore you.
You gave up, honestly. You knew how Sakura was with her games.
"You're really making me wait..."
"I'm gonna beat it."
"I told you I'd help you, I just wanna cum..."
"I know you don't like the game, that's why I'm beating it now."
You pause to process her words, blushing slightly. Did Sakura really just make you wait for that? Well, it was sweet, you had to say that.
And then, what seemed like an eternity, she beat the game, a golden 'Victory' appearing on the screen. Quickly, she goes back to the main menu and tosses the controller on the other side of the bed, holding your hips and slamming you down on her cock.
"Aaah~! Fuck! You could've warned me!"
"Sorry, princess, but I'm getting damn impatient here~"
Your whole body was bouncing; head, breasts, ass... The perfect view for Sakura. She loved seeing you go wild on her cock.
"So, you wanna cum, huh? Cum for me, baby."
"C-Cum inside me, please, please..."
"Aww, missed my cum? Don't worry, pretty, I'm gonna fill you up good."
Continuing her assault on your pussy, she forces your upper body down to give you a hickey as she starts grinding you back and forth on her length.
"There, we're equal now~"
You'd smile, embarrassed, meeting her lips in another heated kiss. Hands everywhere, she smacks your ass twice, full palms on cheeks, causing loud slapping sounds to echo in the room. Gosh, you loved that.
Your tongues were wrapped around one another, your lips red and sore as you continue your make out session.
"I... I c-can't take anymore~"
"Mm? Okay~"
She breaks the kiss and starts fucking you again – well, forcing you to ride her cock, actually – feeling your cunt tighten and soak her dick.
"I'm gonna fill you up real good."
She looks deep into your eyes.
"Gonna let you have my kids, how 'bout that?"
"Fuck, Kkura, give them to me!"
With one last thrust, she makes you sit on her lap, balls deep inside you as she explodes, releasing all her cum in your cunt. You cum around her, soaking her lap and dick, both of you moaning so loud, your voice cracking like crazy.
You collapse on top of her as she lays down on her back, her cock slipping out of you because you were so damn wet. She chuckles.
"Like the background music? It's really romantic, mm?"
The 'action' hype music along with her sarcasm makes you chuckle in turn.
"Definitely."
✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆
me and the PS5 least you know where I'ma be at night 🗣️
#sakura miyawaki#sakura miyawaki x reader#sakura x reader#le sserafim smut#sakura smut#smut#sakura miyawaki smut#sakura miyawaki x female reader#sakura#g!p sakura x reader#g!p#g!p sakura
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THK Episode 1 thoughts in no particular order or level of coherency:
I didn't see Fadel as Lawful Good coming, but at the same time it makes perfect sense now that I've seen the episode
Somehow, I now kinda ship First with both Joong and Dunk and I cannot explain it even to myself but damn.
Khaotung's ability to not just sound and act but nearly exude the presence of a naive innocent young man, head still in the clouds and dreaming of true love, is Truly Impressive. I actually believe, not only that he's younger than Fadel, but that he genuinely lacks the emotional maturity too even process the risk that Fadel sees.
I now appreciate so much what people said about First's almost understated detailed acting because those rapid shifts in his expressions said so much in tiny increments of time, I'm blown away.
Dunk is so pretty, Dunk is so pretty, DUNK IS SO FUCKING PRETTY!?!?!
But also please I adore everything Dunk did as Style he gave absolutely everything for that character and held nothing back. The way he just... went for it?? In all the scenes, every single one? I'm trying not to be too spoiler-y but damn, I get it when First said that Dunk really embodied Style because he really really DID!!!
That ending was genius my brain immediately lit up with all the ways this could go and I'm SO EXCITED
The way the sex wasn't even remotely the most insanity-inducing thing in this episode really goes to show how well this was made but also ITS HILARIOUS
Having said that, damn it was hot!!
Joong's eyebrows eyebrowing so hard <3
I don't think JoongDunk were meant to have sexual tension at all in this episode but they still felt very sexy to me. Maybe its just me, but it felt like tension even when Fadel is mostly just pissed off there's that... okay, you know how the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy? Guess what, zero apathy right here!!
I'm genuinely so happy with what we got though. It really is as light and silly and camp and gorgeous as they promised and I'm so so grateful for that. There's potential for devastation (I see you, Kant, hiding backstory hints inside your soft serve!), but also how lucky are we to get silly romantic shenanigans with the murder brother duo and their (future) flirty boyfriends???
Also the music!? Can we talk about THE MUSIC?? it was so... idk, like it was almost its own character in this episode. It was like audience direction with how much it would abruptly change the tone of the scene. I wonder if this will continue throughout the show or if they're doing it because it's the first episode and they're really really laying those comedy foundations down, but its fascinating.
I can't believe we get "Good Morning, krub" and "love at first sight" in the same episode omg ;A; <3
Style should've learned from the expert:
#the heart killers#thk spoilers#thk ep 1#yeah i'm going to rewatch it IMMEDIATELY#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#joong archen#dunk natachai#joongdunk#rambles about shows i'm watching#<my posts>
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hi tumblr user if-you-soul i need to preface this by saying i was actually discussing the god awful mischaracterization this fandom inflicts on HMS with my besties & opened tumblr to look for your reblog of that soul fanart saying "YOU fell for the character's facade that was meant to be dismantled by the viewer!" & got hit w this & it MADE MY DAY. i fucking love this album to death & im a soul fictionkin so these things drive me up a fucking wall
cccc is pretty straightforward while also being purposefully vague & left up to interpretation in many areas but soooo many people take interpretation to twisting the narrative until its no longer what it was & it makes me ask myself did we listen to same tracks here?? where are yall getting these things from???? this got rly fucking long so im adding a cut here voilá
when people talk abt the mischaracterization in the fandom its usually focused on heart & mind so im INSANELY glad to see someone talk abt the soul shit. cause what kinda crack are people on?? he never threatens to harm h&m except for at the end of TSE where he is... having a mental breakdown? have people forgotten what it's like to have a breakdown??? you say shit you dont mean bc you're splitting at the seams & falling apart. there is no point in the entire album where soul is portrayed as manipulative/entitled/evil/violent/abusive/erratic, which are descriptions a surprisingly large amt of ppl seem to subscribe to? HE'S A VICTIM !!!! & im so glad you said it! i too have been in a kind of middleman position to parties fighting with each other & its insanely detrimental to one's mental health & had me at an incredibly low point so yeah TSE feels deeply personal to me & soul's character in general (waves in soul kin again LMAO), drives me bonkers how ppl describe him.
mind WISHES he was unfeeling. heart calling him an automaton freak doesnt mean he doesnt feel! it means that he just PUSHES AWAY & REPRESSES EMOTION, or at least tries to. like one has to really emphasize that everything between the heart acoustic & the soul eclectic has mind clearly displaying rage & bitterness & all kinds of emotions. even the end of TME says "maybe my existence might be by design, a simple fact that he'll refuse to see" like bro says its a maybe & then immediately claims its a fact yall are falling for his facade so hardcore its not even funny atp. the way people treat heart is borderline gross, he is NOT an uwu baby innocent boy that doesnt know anything & ppl infantilize him so much idek why. heart represents emotion- ALL emotions. & you're right! emotions are so fucking draining & exhausting at times, especially if you're mentally ill! all this weird portrayal of evil mind & innocent heart is so ?? can i quote TSE with neither is wrong yet neither is right. all 3 of them are neither good nor evil. they're people. they're human. the album really emphasizes this a lot.
the juno incident & RoE in general is made to be a much bigger deal by the fandom that it really is. applies to more than one thing in cccc but RoE takes the cake tbh. & yeah! whole is an entirely fanon thing lololol like im pretty fucking sure even chonny jash has said this someway or another. what we call whole is literally just...chonny. i think ppl took dream's "when harmonia shines, atlas beholds her" & RAN. & honestly i like whole hcs but this brings me to another thing: i really feel like cccc fans come up with so many hcs & interpretations for the album that they forget what the canon is in favor of their fanon. there's so much shock gore & gore in general for lowkey no reason in here </3 its so much & for what. fanon is awesome like everyone should be free to do whatever but i do wish ppl would Remember Canon a bit more & separate their hcs from it more. along with the gore. where are yall getting all this insane amount of gore & violence from. i feel like any violence alluded to in the album is more metaphorical than it is physical bc emotions can be felt violently. internal violence. the album is abt the never ending cycle of mental illness getting better & then getting bad again & so forth as a natural part of life & accepting yourself in those moments.
tl;dr u r so correct & i couldnt agree more & you've voiced the way i've felt abt this fandom for ages we lost the fucking plot & kept running anyways lets pause & find it again thank you so much for sharing ur yapsesh with us
Mischaracterization in the CCCC fandom: a yapsesh (alternative title: Erm... What the Gore is Going On?)
Hi. Woaw. I'm actually making that post I talked about.
So. One thing I've noticed in the CCCC fandom is this weird fixation on gore, torture, violence, etc. Usually a level of graphic content that makes your average horror flick look... pretty tame!
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy horror! I even think a horror story based around psychological conflict similar to CCCC could work well!
But is it just me, or has this fandom COMPLETELY lost track of what the characters are like in the source material?
Like. Let's be real. Nowhere in the album does Soul do gruesome surgeries on Mind, nowhere does Mind go ripping people to shreds like Doomguy, et cetera. The closest thing we have to an implication of violence is what most of us call the "Juno incident"- as even "tines stabbed through eyes" is clearly a metaphor with the next line: "that the sides have condemned."
Im gonna talk ab the characters themselves under the cut
I feel the biggest victim of this mischaracterization is Soul. In the album he's... kind of a victim, really. He toughs out being dismissed and fought over and pushed aside and outright dehumanized for so, so long. Are we seriously just... going to characterize him based solely on his lowest point in TSE? Spring and a Storm and Mucka Blucka are also songs where he's present- along with his presence in Just Apathy that the fandom seems to outright deny to keep their characterization of him as some violent, abusive monster. (Which, again, is quite literally never alluded to! He's honestly kind of a victim, if anything!)
Ohhkay. Next topic. Mind. Oh boy I have thoughts on how people characterize Mind.
He's not emotionless. If you believe this, you've fallen for his stoic facade. All of his songs are just. So full of so much rage. Maybe even a little bit of grief and sadness and fear, masked by said rage. He isn't some emotionless robot- (Heart calls him an automaton as an insult, but that's another rant.) and honestly it feels like such a disservice to such an interesting character with so much unexplored depth to portray him as such.
Heart. Oh boy. Where do I start. Heart what did they do to you.
Heart is the emotional side, yes, but that isn't just some... smol innocent uwu baby who cries all the time. Emotions aren't small and cute and timid. They're INTENSE and PASSIONATE and EXHAUSTING. Strong emotions leave you so, so drained, good OR bad. This is so much more interesting than portraying him as some "uwu hai dere!!" type of character. Which is nowhere in the album.
Whole is hardly even a character. Soul worshipping and praying to whole is fanon.
This fandom's weird obsession with creating shock gore and one-upping each other in a violence competition has spiraled pretty far out of control, and it's honestly crazy. How do you go from an album about internal conflict to violence that would make even the cast of Resident Evil cringe? Brah.
Final notes uhhh. Soul is a victim who got pushed to his limit, not an evil heartless abuser. Mind is angry and unstable and hurt, not some emotionless robot. Heart is the entire emotional spectrum, not some innocent baby. Ok i . I think that's all. Have a good one
#♦ sponsor break — reblogs#f: chonny jash#cccc#c: 💜🧠🔱#🔱#♣ untitled.txt — text posts#again im so glad you talked about this bc i've never seen anyone else talk abt this & it makes me fucking insane LOL
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this has been a roller coaster of a design journey but finally I can present you: class swap artificer!adaine and rogue!fabian
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhfy#fhsy#fhjy#fabian seacaster#adaine abernant#fh class quangle#goodbye... goodbye hoodie kid adaine..... we have mecha pilot/power armor adaine instead#I couldnt really land how she'd get a hoodie reliably in freshman year given the abernants pattern of confiscating shit from her#so I kinda switched gear and dug a bit into a like sukeban aesthetics instead. and since shes with the AV club I like the idea of#like a radio coord thing for her. hence the suspenders#I fully admit the sukeban thing is influenced by the hacker woman in ghostwire tokyo who I have a small crush on#she's SO cool. too bad about a number of things with that game#the jacket of useful things is a racer jacket this time bc Im predictable like that#her ensemble in junior year is her tank top + overall it might not be clear enough in the pic...#just had the thought ''man I should do turnarounds for all of them'' and immediately had to slap myself out of it#anyways uh! fabian I have inflicted with my favourite thing to do to characters who like to stealth or fly under the radar#which is Bright Extremely Noticeable Jacket That Hides Your Hands#fabian's ghost motif has led me to the famous horror movie trope of silhouette with iconic jacket from afar#(see Sinister and Alice Sweet Alice)#and I love to imagine him hanging the coat up somewhere and opponents aiming there instead of at him#but also the raincoat is specifically modeled after the yellow fisherman's raincoat#and. that led to. me thinking abt fabian pulling riz up at that cliff with a net instead of the battle sheet lmao#so his junior year design is fully Fishing. which is so fucking funny it has obliterated all other possibilities from my brain#ranger flavour: captain ahab#I still debate making him carry around an actual fishing rod tbh. right now Im giving him a rifle grappling hook thing#gods. I just think High School Classmate Suddenly Gets Way Too Into Fishing is the funniest fucking thing that can happen#thank you fabian. thank you for giving me this. love you buddy#still blanking on kristen but! throughout this whole storm here I've realised I just need to fuck around
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this could be kuwameshi if you guys would like. take my hand and trust me
#yyh spoilers in tags#like major spoilers ok#which ig i dont usually tag but whatever#the if i had to choose between the world and you it's you thing happened. and it was KUWABARA like hhhhgghh#yusuke makes him forget his honor code sometimes and i need you guys to see that with me#bc it makes me wanna fling myself into the ocean over and over again#kuwabara literally is like you need to be alive bc otherwise im nothing idek who i am. please let me punch you#and he wails this multiple times#and yusuke would burn down the world himself if he thought it'd help his friends we all know that#and doomed by the narrative? mmm with the ever escalating world ending nature of being a spirit detective thats kinda there#throw in the sudden demon-human age gap post yusuke death 2 and you've got some narrative dooming in a way#but not enough for me to well and truly call them doomed by the narrative#yyh#yu yu hakusho#kuwameshi#kazuma kuwabara#yusuke urameshi#ofc i can handle you at your worst thats basically you all the time is Very kuwa to yusuke#and maybe we can figure out what the hell ur problem is over dinner sometime is Very yusuke to kuwa#actually i should draw that. or make it a textpost or something#but like turning up the protectiveness/possessiveness thats already there with them in line with the whole#'ive watched you die' trauma they Both have means that like. i think they would Need to have each other around for a period of time#in the wake of sensui's bs perhaps. and then yusuke cuts it all off and they start to get a bit healthier about it. hm#i think about them all the time it's like if typicsl shonen rival/bestie homo-ness was kind of scary and painful#like they love each other but the ways they hurt each other and hurt over each other drive me fucking insane
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icl i would be at least a little happy with almost any ending for stranger things but one thing that would ruin all of it would be an epilogue (of a decade or more later)
#it would just kinda ruin the fun of imagining them doing whatever tf i want them to these days yk#like even if everyone got together the way i wanted them and got the jobs i think fit etc it would still just kill the creativity#+ even the small things would annoy me like what if i just don’t like what one of them named their kids. or dresses like in 20 years#maybe i wanted them divorced by then but that would’ve angered the fans#maybe i wanted to imagine that single person’s future spouse myself (or keep them single in my head)#what if i want them to recover from this or that or still be working on it. what if i the adult/older actors look shit#anyways point is do not do an epilogue timeskip of more than 5/6years PLEASE i am begging u duffer brothers#stranger things#byler#<- u guys get me on this yk#even if byler isn’t canon at the end i can still at least imagine they do in uni or in their 30s or whenever#as long as there isn’t some fucking scene where mike and el r old and married in 2023 or something#would just kinda ruin all of it; making us see them as old ass adults with their entire lives set it stone yk#manifesting a few month/year timeskip where everyone gets a happy ending isn’t all “and then they lived a nice life in this specific way”#and especially manifesting that we don’t get an#“i haven’t seen you guys in decades how’ve you been? sucks that erica died in a car crash last year. she was almost 40”#type epilogue (if we must have one)#like no hate to amphibia and that one 80s movie but it just kinda makes what happened before a bit pointless if it focused on their#relationships at all#like cool we spent years watching these friendships grow and adapt only for u to go “yeah and we’re strangers now soz :)” like ok so none o#that lasted#idgaf if it’s “realistic” if i wanted realistic representation of childhood friends into adulthood id think about real life and shit#idk random rant if they do any of this shit i WILL kill all of them and then myself#ryan shut the fuck up
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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oh my god u rly are everyone you've ever loved !! for better or worse !! a part of you becomes them!
#i had a moment of lucidity idk im in this café the person i went on a few dates w is coming to see me i said come study w me#and they said okay immediately even though im a town over and i dont like them i really dont feel even a little attracted to them that way#but i did let them bite my neck a week ago and it still hurts i let them hold my hand i just#i never start anything#i let them kiss me. why do i do that? i dont feel anything towards them#and i told them ill probably never sleep with them and i thought thats enough but it really isnt is it#they write poetry about people they meet even once#theyre coming a whole town over to study w me but its not a date i feel nothing towards them romantically and i dont want to lose them as#a friend. this was her line of thinking wasnt it? i would take the train and meet her near her place in ldn and wed study together and#shed let me hold her and she would never initiate much and we were just studying together and it wasnt a date#like . fuck. i dont want to do what she djd to me to another person ever#their shared location map went offline at london bridge like ok theyre in the underground they are fr coming a whole town over#its a short distance but the point is i think i should have taken what my friend said more seriously . she told me i was kinda leading#them on bc what i thought to be just meetups dates might entail more for them#anyway im gonna be clear w them this time maybe#....IT JUST NEVER COMES UP IS THE THING#do i have to clarify even if it never comes up#i do in fact hear myself#ok#the parallels r lining up#aaa
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i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.
that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.
weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.
#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry#and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things#so i just have to sit there and take it#i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives#in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me#i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up#even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in#let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr#and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down#one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth#i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different#i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like#those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped#a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way#too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies#like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting#i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine#i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk#i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction#but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say#i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing#and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different#instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like#‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way#so people don’t misunderstand me#i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than#can we be more normal about weird people#idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them
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exam tomorrow i am so cooked - only studied half the bacteria on the syllabus - read 6/113 pages from the forensics doc and slept through every class - did not appear for any community health class and all the professors know everyone by name
#chat should i end it#it cant go worse than the neuro exam right#neuro exam i started crying during the anatomy verbal portion and i couldnt compose myself so the physiology teacher just kinda looked at m#and was like dude arent u gonna be a doctor can you get it together#AND THEN i got my period on the way home#and i was like I KNEW I WASNT A WEAK ASS BITCH#but it doesnt matter bc all my professors think im a weak ass bitch do you see my problem#theres only one exam i havent cried in and thats the 2nd year finals#bc i was sick the entire year i pulled the sorry i was on steroids for like 2 months#and incapacitated every night curled up sobbing with a heating pad#it wasnt in my control#this def was tho#so like i cant even have the fuck it not my problem anymore attitude#i almost wish i had debilitating migraines again bc at least then i could just sleep all day#instead of having a doctor pat my abdomen every month and ask me if i have anxiety#sorry tmi#ugh im so fucked for this exam
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Fellow Psych enjoyer!! Im watchin psych at this very moment lol, i know its a tough question bc i dont even have a definitive answer but like, what's your favorite episode?
hmmm well i did very much enjoy the episode where Lassiter & Henry bond over fishing... i also like the episode where Shawn gets kidnapped & ends up on top of a moving car <3
#ive seen some episodes out of order#since my friend used choice ones to get me interested lol (it very much worked!)#but i only started watching it all the way through yesterday#so im only on season 2 :/#i also loved the one i just watched - the counterfeiting episode! twas funny#but really since im binging the show they're all kinda blending together lmao#And its mostly on as background so there are some where i have no idea what happened or what it was about#rambles from the bog#tbh a lot of the time watching it#i find myself sitting here and going: man. if it was made pretty much the exact same way just with today's climate#it wouldve been even fucking funnier#bc obviously the humor in the show is kinda Dated! there's a lot of times where im sitting here going 'oh that was bad taste'#or 'oh that would Not fly today'#but it is a really good show#easier to enjoy when you understand the era it was made in & accept that there's gonna be unsavory bits#honestly its interesting! im on s.2 which was released in 2007 i think#and i believe i was like... around five years old? i dont really remember Living the time period!#so its interesting to see! its a whole different range of slang and american culture & tech!#all i really remember is the phones... i remember the awe when someone at school turned up with a touchscreen#they were pretty fuckin new so they were expensive & my parents could afford one#so my first phone was your average flip phone. it served its purpose! i loved listening to the ringtones! that was my spotify <3#anyway wait fuck what were we talking about#OH RIGHT PSYCH. um. yes🤝#i dont like shawn's dad! lassiter is probably my favorite! i may have a crush on juliet! shawn is the most bishrekxual man i have ever seen#gus deserves better & more screen time! the whole show is just really good#*old man voice* they just dont make em like they used to....#said both positively and negatively. some aspects are good they're gone. other aspects... sigh
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“You haven’t done that one quest? In all your time playing?” <- a friend or internet stranger
“That quest makes me feel bad” <- person who’s character has probably committed atrocities in one way or another (me)
#emma posts#this is it. this is how I play games#if I want to know about what happens when you do a quest that makes me feel bad I’ll just look it up online#I’m playing a fucking game. let me not feel awful for once#im not about to try being perfectly good because I know I would be bad at that too#two of my friends said that I can never play any character in a way that isn’t ‘chaotic good’ and said that’s the only dnd alignment#i would have irl#not even in an ‘I’m so cool and edgy’ way#they meant that in a ‘I don’t know what your internal standards are. they aren’t bad. but they are definitely not… lawful’#I’m not even totally sure how to describe what they were saying that night tbh#I don’t know how to say this without people thinking I’m edgy or pretentious or something#I’m just kinda frustrated that I am bad at playing an evil or lawful character#just to see what happens#I get two decisions in and I’m like ‘I’m not having fun right now. It’s just a constant fight against myself’#this is about when your character is an oc btw#things are sometimes a little different when the pc is already a whole ass character#‘necromancy is okay if they’re already dead but betraying your follower is bad’ mindset#I know a lot of people play this way. but they seem to be able to play not this way too?#I think that’s the heart of it#also I have been made increasingly aware of the fact that I might not totally understand what is average#in a lot of ways#I’m getting distracted though I think
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long tag ramble below u have been warned
#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again#but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags#(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now#but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao)#so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t#anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable#and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it#her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night#but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt#or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort#and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person#and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal#as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward#i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer#but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been#either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing#i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever#also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway#sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation#i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me#but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still)#plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down#so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again#but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to#anyway. i think that’s all i have to say!#i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open#love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶#bella talks
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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#i miss art man fuck#i wish i knew a way to like. fast forward this mental dip bc its hell#i just keep seeing time go by and realize another day has passed and I've done nothing with myself.#no art. no writing. i don't do anything expect lay here and waste away#like yeah i do adulting stuff#i do my chores i go to work#but thats kinda it?#even when i hang out with people its just. rotting in a different location.#i miss the stuff that i adore doing#i miss having the attention span to sit and enjoy a game or show#i miss sitting down and drawing for hours or staying up writing#i think about it constantly#but that wall is so firmly up that i never DO it#and everyone in my life just keeps telling me 'just do it!' as a solution#i cant stand it#the longer it goes on the more i feel like a failure. or like i only exist to help other people#there is no 'me'. just a person people can rely on#i have no ability to be me anymore and it sucks#vent
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