#and i think its also Very important to know what improv is

[lexicorp]

Exactly^^

So much of these sorta things are incredibly nuanced, and not so clearly cut. (And the thing that can be even more frustrating in the fandom is when they apply the grey area redemption experience opportunity to one but not the other in the fucked up cycle- especially if it's the initial abuser who gets it, like that's so indicative of bullshit like that irl)

Getting that exposure to people who don't coincide with that narrowed lens of perception that isolation tactics very often present when someone is manipulated and other abuse--is just so important to improvement/recovery. Because it breaks that warped reality to affirm that the generalized negatively isn't accurate. That there are people like Arcane and Optimus. Because it's just so easy to get it stuck in your head in this suffocating string of memories that leads to assumptions and anxiety that invoke those things like "I can't say this because they'll think I'm weak/stupid, or it won't matter anyway to say it so what's the point?" iiiiiiit sucks.

I love your points analyzing the Starcane lore cuz it's just so fascinating the dichotomy of him recognizing in part that she's safe (thus engaging in "dangerous behavior" he'd avoid with Megatron), while /still/ being battle ready at any little sign of a threat between them. And how all the intricacies psychologically are processed are so fascinatingly fragged up- cuz it's so hard to break that cycle, and you need someone really patient there for it.

And that is really what I love about writing this sorta stuff is that even if there are so many bad ending situations irl where the person isn't able to get better, where they perpetually self destruct no matter what anyone does, we can seize that control to create the good ending to give that hope that the struggle is possible to get through. Which is why I want a canon focus on Starscream lore approached like this so damn bad.

Also man the thing of someone who you know talks shit coming up being all fake niceties is so dang triggering. Honestly that flavor of reaction is Star and IDW redeemed Megs to me, cuz like--

The salt and just instinctual reflex built upon past disaster is just so palpable

I love the note on "But once the storm calms, everyone's hurt", cuz damn does it encapsulate it all so well. No one ever really wins.

And honestly, I def feel that inclination to exploring the family dynamics a bunch, even if, or especially if, we ain't gonna touch it irl. Cuz approaching things fictionally, is far easier to process, far safer. Least that's what I've found. Hell, the majority of any of my social competency has been built on analysis and research/observations of fictional characters (or true crime-).

And man, those contrasting concepts of seeing the kids as warriors and having that urge to raise them to "be like him" (born a lot from thinking they need to be tough and drawing from how he was made to be so), while also having that underlying knowledge that it was fragged up, and that he doesn't want them to go through what he did. That is just one example of all the types of ways that can create those internal conflicts and confusions that in turn lead to lashing out in different ways, because most of the time it's hella hard to put our feelings and motivations into words, and even more difficult to be sure the answers we give are actually correct. Cuz boy to we know that Decepticon lies to himself- and it's all about feeling in control

Then the doge vs cat struggles geez it rlly just does just come out so much in those moments of frustration. And that regret and reflection on it afterward is something that's just so much /ow/ and guilt and yet, our brains are gonna have the reflex come out yet again when triggered. Its often navigating the aftermath of the inevitable I find is what rlly needs to be shown. Cuz preventative strategies are all great in theory, but for those times when you can't catch it, or don't hear it until after it comes out, what then? And when emotions are really fragging hard already, that part feels impossible.

[Star too having that thought towards Arcane and the kids or Optimus that they're weak/vulnerable and the "I can take advantage of that" controlling nature is so where the spiral falling into the cycle starts. Cuz the want to be on top after having been on the bottom is so real. Its just like that thing of wanting to get them back or eye for an eye of seeking satisfaction/release from the pent up frustration. And even feeling justified mirror behavior cuz the other person got away with it.]

i need to see more starop where starscream is having trouble breaking the cycle, so he falls back into his old habits.

one of the most difficult parts about breaking the cycle of abuse is trying your hardest to not repeat the behaviors your abuser imprinted on to you. speaking from experience, it can be very hard when you enter a healthy relationship and find yourself thinking like your abuser.

so imagine, starscream finally joins the autobots. by some unfortunate circumstance, they lose an important battle. optimus encourages his team, but privately, he retreats to somewhere isolated to think. starscream finds him and asks what he's doing.

when optimus admits that he's disappointed in himself for not doing the best he could on the battlefield, starscream finds himself scoffing. "well, maybe we wouldn't be in the position if you'd done a better job to begin with," he grumbles, his voice slowly escalating. "i thought you were supposed to be some great leader. or is your reputation all a myth? because of you, now the decepticons have the advantage, and we're one step closer to losing this war!" outraged that optimus hasn't said anything, he shouts, "are you even listening to me, prime?!"

when optimus turns his helm to look up, starscream is spooked by what he sees. he doesn't see the face of someone about to drop to his knees and beg for mercy. instead, the look in his normally lively blue optics can best be described as haunted, almost dead, but clinging onto the last shreds of life.

the realization hits starscream like enemy fire. his voice box shorts out as he trips over his own words, trying to take them back. one thought comes to mind, and he knows optimus is thinking it, too.

i sound like megatron.

[animalphotorefs]

Hey! Sorry if you’ve been asked this before, but I didn’t see it anywhere.

I volunteer at an aquarium and often arrive before my shift, in which case I wander around and like to take photos. However, there’s been a problem of my phone focusing on imperfections in the glass rather than the animals, making the photos very blurry. I’m thinking about buying a small camera to fix the issue, is there a specific feature I need to look for or should just about any kind work? Your zoo and aquarium photography always turns out so clean so I was hoping you’d have advice. If not no worries!

What I’ve learned so far is that taking photos of fish in tanks is really dang hard, honestly. I’ve got a good idea of how to get the basics I want for the site now but they’re not like… what I would consider good photos.

You’ve got a couple problems with trying to shoot into tanks that have to be solved around: the acrylic/plexi is thick, and can warp or scratch or discolor; the water itself also creates light refraction and adds distortion to images; not all tanks are well lit, and many are lit with LEDs that have a flicker cycle; tanks are often very shallow, which requires a macro capability, or they’re super deep but anything farther back gets distorted by the water volume; fish are fast little buggers that require a really high shutter speed.

I think your phone is probably focusing too close to you - its software is telling it the salient point of the image is the surface of the tank, instead of the things in it. That’s more common now I think as phone cameras get better and better and the design improvements are focused on close up detail like a flower or a dog nose or a portrait from three feet away.

The current setup I’ve been using is a mirrorless camera with the autofocus software set to detect eyes, prioritize animals, and hold tracking without switching subjects. For fish I rented a macro lens with a big aperture so I could get close-up shots with lots of ability to take in light (35mm RF 1.8 if anyone is curious). That compensated for the fact that I had to use a shutter speed of like, 4000th-5000th of a second to catch moving fish without motion blur - for context I normally shoot birds in flight at around a 2000th of a second. Some tanks were well enough lit that worked with normal settings, but a lot required purposefully overexposing the shots massively and cranking the ISO up to absolutely ridiculous levels.

Point being like… yeah, you can get a nice camera with a good macro lens if it’s important to you to get fish photos. But tbh I don’t know if that’s the best way to do it, and it’s a pretty major investment. I don’t think a point and shoot (anything without interchangable lenses) would have the capacity for the settings I found I needed. I don’t want to discourage you, but I do want to be honest about what you might be looking at!

That said, if you want to play around with the idea, you can always rent cameras and lenses! That’s how I’ve figured out what my daily kit looks like and what I want to buy for different use cases. I will always recommend finding a local store, but if you don’t have one and are in the US, I’ve always had good experiences with the company Lensrentals.

Let me know if you end up trying some new gear, and any other professional photographers please chime in with additional advice!

[welcometogrouchland]

Had to leave the tag once I stopped getting GIFs and started getting ATJ thirst posts (no shade, just not my area of interest) but anyway. Fall guy good movie I think

[bonediggercharleston]

I am very wary of people going "China does it better than America" because most of it is just reactionary rejection of your overlord in favor of his rival, but this story is 1. absolutely legit and 2. way too funny.

US wants to build an AI advantage over China, uses their part in the chip supply chain to cut off China from the high-end chip market.

China's chip manufacturing is famously a decade behind, so they can't advance, right?

They did see it as a problem, but what they then did is get a bunch of Computer Scientists and Junior Programmers fresh out of college and funded their research in DeepSeek. Instead of trying to improve output by buying thousands of Nvidia graphics cards, they tried to build a different kind of model, that allowed them to do what OpenAI does at a tenth of the cost.

Them being young and at a Hedgefund AI research branch and not at established Chinese techgiants seems to be important because chinese corporate culture is apparently full of internal sabotage, so newbies fresh from college being told they have to solve the hardest problems in computing was way more efficient than what usually is done. The result:

American AIs are shook. Nvidia, the only company who actually is making profit cause they are supplying hardware, took a hit. This is just the market being stupid, Nvidia also sells to China. And the worst part for OpenAI. DeepSeek is Open Source.

Anybody can implement deepseek's model, provided they have the hardware. They are totally independent from DeepSeek, as you can run it from your own network. I think you will soon have many more AI companies sprouting out of the ground using this as its base.

What does this mean? AI still costs too much energy to be worth using. The head of the project says so much himself: "there is no commercial use, this is research."

What this does mean is that OpenAI's position is severely challenged: there will soon be a lot more competitors using the DeepSeek model, more people can improve the code, OpenAI will have to ask for much lower prices if it eventually does want to make a profit because a 10 times more efficient opensource rival of equal capability is there.

And with OpenAI or anybody else having lost the ability to get the monopoly on the "market" (if you didn't know, no AI company has ever made a single cent in profit, they all are begging for investment), they probably won't be so attractive for investors anymore. There is a cheaper and equally good alternative now.

AI is still bad for the environment. Dumb companies will still want to push AI on everything. Lazy hacks trying to push AI art and writing to replace real artists will still be around and AI slop will not go away. But one of the main drivers of the AI boom is going to be severely compromised because there is a competitor who isn't in it for immediate commercialization. Instead you will have a more decentralized open source AI field.

Or in short:

[drchucktingle]

As an autistic person, did you struggle to make and keep friends? And have you found friends through the writing world? I ask because my mom always said i needed to find my people. I did finally find them (they are neurodiverse trans nerds, haha), but not until i was like 30. And i wonder if its true of other autistic people too. So i guess my question is: did you find your people, and when?

thank you this is good question. i have always had a LOT of CLOSE BUDS even from a very young age. i would actually say that i am unusually socially adept in my way and that it is partially BECAUSE of my autistic trot. LETS TALK ON THAT FOR A MOMENT

'BUT CHUCK YOU SAID YOU ARE ON THE SPECTRUM AND AUTISTIC BUCKAROOS CANNOT BE SOCIALLY ADEPT' some say. and sure it is UNUSUAL overall, technically speaking, but there is also an important reason we talk about this as a spectrum of buckaroos and not a monolith

when buckaroos ask me what it is like to be autistic i try to explain like this: there are certain cues and markers from the outside that serve as a sort of identification checklist but because of masking they are not always correct. instead i see it as question of WHAT IS IT LIKE INSIDE YOUR BRAIN?

internally my brain is different. its taking in way more information all the time, including the stuff that neurotypical buds block out, and that can become overwhelming. it is hard to navigate because i do not have that automatic neurotypical 'here is what is important here is what is not' function

so yes i can be easily distracted and zone out as i watch the patterns and fractals spin off. and yes i can miss certain things in social situations. in many autistic buckaroos this makes large groups overwhelming and the OUTPUT of behavior matches what we typically know as signs of autism

FOR ME however, same thing is going on inside, but i have managed to HARNESS that information. even from very young age i see that everyone is DOING THE HUMAN ACT but instead of rejecting that and shutting off i think 'well okay i am just going to do THIS because thats what they actually want'

in other words, most neurotypical buds say one thing that has a kind of spiraling social-cue-related OTHER MEETING (they do this ALL the time) and instead of rejecting that i have trained myself to be REALLY REALLY good at knowing the hidden meaning. it is EMPATHY but on a sort of LOGIC BASED level

and because i have always been pretty good at that, people like to trot around me and say 'wow this is a good friend they understand me'. now for ME that can be a little exhausting and there are things i need to do and stims and all that to release the effort, but overall it is worth it to me

OTHER THING is that i was a successful CREATOR AND ARTIST BUCKAROO from an early age which is socially seen as 'cool' especially when you are trotting around in your youth. it is not particularly FAIR but it is true that some level of fame makes buds treat you well even if you are 'weird'.

of course it can be a sort of FAKE 'treating you well' but as an autistic buckaroo it is still more of a chance than you might otherwise get. this timeline has sort of carved out a very special little sliver of social grace for the token odd artistic weirdo to have a seat at each cool kids table

ANYWAY that is the trot of my life. it is a unique trot that i dont get to talk on much but since you asked THERE YOU GO. every chance i get to say 'I LOVE BEING AUTISTIC' and talk on HOW MUCH IT HAS IMPROVED MY LIFE i try to take a moment and do that. when i was young i had few autistic heroes

and OF COURSE it can be difficult and overwhelming and we need to have space for those stories and voices, but i want young buckaroos who get this diagnosis to know there are ALL KINDS of stories and trots on the autism spectrum. MINE IS PRETTY DANG COOL and maybe yours will be too. LOVE IS REAL

[agirlwithglam]

🌟 become your dream girl before 2025! 🌟

THIS WILL *ACTUALLY* CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

do you know how many people are waiting until next year to glow up and actually start to become their dream self? now just think, if you started now, before 2025, how far you would be. how much more skills and knowledge you would have. you're literally getting a head start. so what are you doing dilly-dallying until 2025? heres your guide to ending this year accomplishing everything you need to and starting 2025 with everything you need.

in this post i will include mindset shifts, how to become a better person, actionable advice, actually becoming a new person <3

👑know what you want.

who do you want to become at the end of this year? what does your dream girl look like? what kind of body does she have? her clothes? who are the people she hangs out with on a daily basis- friends?

create a very clear version in your head and use pinterest to show photos of what your goals are- for ex: girls at the gym, journalling, writing, studying, reading, learning, walking, with friends, spending time outside, going swimming, playing sports, doing a skill/ hobby.

you can also find an idol/ an inspiration- a youtuber, influencer, parent, anyone who you look up to and want to somewhat have a similar life like them. (for ex: thewizardliz, tam kaur) whatever is important to you this goes hand in hand with the next point:

👑goals.

any unfinished projects, any goals you said you'd do in the beginning of the year, get them all down on paper. if you've finished any of them, great!- tick them off. but if you haven't then its time to lock in. pick the ones that are most important to you. that you know that achieving these will 100% get you closer to your goal. doing this makes sure you get rid of the ones that you think are "productive" when in reality they just help you procrastinate.

finish any unfinished projects or books you have before the new year begins because 2025 is about bringing in new, fresh opportunities and things. for me personally, i have a few crochet projects that i want to finish before the end of this year so i can start the new year with nothing old from the year before!

👑cutting.

you are going to be becoming a new person- new mindset, new values, new perception on life, etc. the people in your life currently probably won't align with this new version of you. because if the people around you still only know the old you, your growth won't happen because it will feel extremely unnatural without the right people around you. this means you're going to have to decide whether you are letting any of your friends go. if they don't serve you or make you feel happier or bring in any value to your life, im sorry but its time to cut them off.

but of course if you actually have good, kind, loving friends who grow with you and support you all the way, keep them. the goal is to remove the people who don't serve your highest self. not remove the people who you know will be there for you.

but along with this, if you notice that those people are acting a bit more weirdly/ strangely now that you're improving- giving you backhanded compliments, talking about you behind your back, or just giving you a weird vibe in general, trust your gut. those people don't want to see you going to a higher place where you're thriving- keeping them in your life can be terrible for your highest good.

remember that doing this doesn't mean that you're not going to get better because BETTER ALWAYS COMES. god will give you more people who you couldn't have ever dreamed could be so amazing. so never keep toxic people in your life out of fear that you'll be alone forever. (remember: 8 billion people in the world.)

👑mindset.

dont wait to change your mindset only once you achieve the dream body or the best grade- start now. people can take away everything from you but they can't take away your mindset, skills, and knowledge. here are some mindset shifts to develop:

the abundance mindset. know that everything happens for your highest and greatest good only! everything will work out in the end for you because God hasn't put you on this earth to suffer. if you are religeous (God) or spiritual (the universe) or even believe theres a higher faith, why on earth would you willingly believe that your purpose here is to have a bad time? obstacles will come your way and you will make bad decisions and mistakes. but all these jsut contribute to the person you are today and the person who you'll be in the future!

i will make it. believe in your vision and yourself so fiercely that you know in your bones that you will achieve your goals. you will travel the world and discover new places, you will get to retire your parents, you will get to buy expensive bags for your mom, you will be that rich sister/daughter/ wife, you will help people around the whole world, you will have people around you who love and care for you, you will achieve whatever dream you had since you were a kid and whatever dream you have right now. you will you will you will! know this so strongly but also know that i will achieve there one day, but i also am so blessed and grateful for the life i have right now! i have so many privileges and such an amazing life that i would never trade away for anything.

growth mindset if you fail, IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. please stop being afraid of failing, be afraid of never trying!! you have no idea how freeing failing is because once you do, then you'll never have that "what if" in the back of your mind, never have that small voice asking what could have happened if you had done that thing. so if you do fail, perfect! that means that you won't waste any more time wondering what would have happened. having a growth mindset means that you know you're human and you'll make mistakes, but that doesnt make you a bad person and it doesn't take away your capability to still accomplish your goals. if you fail be able to brush it off, and keep trying again and again. Thomas Edison had 1000 failed attempts to make the light bulb. yet he learnt from what didn't work, took that into consideration, then tried again. and again. and again. and now? your probably sitting in a room with light that you have because he persisted in his goal!

stay positive always have a positive outlook and perspective of life. look at the beauty and what you have instead of what you lack. feel happy joyful energy vibrate through you everyday. do things that just make you a more positive person in general! feeling happier makes you look 100x more attractive and will change the way you interact with the world!!

👑be a better person.

new year new you right? so its time you up level the way you talk and treat others. because the goal isn't to be A b*tch, the goal is to be THAT b*tch! so going around being rude isn't going to do anything for you. being kind however- having manners, checking up on people, asking how their day was, being charismatic, etc- thats what can get you so much more opportunities! you're going to be kind, but not a people pleaser- ofc prioritise yourself always but also at the same time- if you have made a commitment to be somewhere for someone at a certain time, honor that commitment. be the friend you wish you had.

being mean to everyone just because you were hurt by someone else is not it. yes, so you were hurt. grow, evolve, heal. you're stronger than this. you're stronger than you think. you can overcome anything and you can become an even better person, capable of loving fully and wholly!

misc tips:

change what you consume. start watching thewizardliz, tam kaur on youtube. have an inspiration/ idol to look up to in life.

workout. i dont care if its not one of your goals to have a fit body, but don't workout for that. workout because you love yourself. because its actually proven to make you happier, because you deserve a healthy, fully functioning body.

DRINK WATER. do you know how many benefits something as simple as that has? clear skin, unchapped lips, better digestive health, weight management, better health, feel more alert and energized, better for immune system, increases brain power, eliminate toxins, ETC ETC!

have a morning routine that literally sets yourself up for success. stimulate your mind with reading self help, learn something, study, focus on a skill, do something that makes your mind active.

journal & check in with yourself.- document your progress! write about how you felt after everyday. did you feel esp happy during anything? do you feel satisfied at the end of the day? or do you find that your day made you feel tired and drained? do you feel regret and wished you did more at the end of the day?

diary- links with the earlier point. document the day. you can write about it, or what i also like to do is video myself yapping to the camera. talk about whatever you want and let your mind wander free!

you are that it girl! dress the part, smell good, make yourself feel so good that you just can't help but feel like you can conqure anything!!

make sure you're consistently reminded of your goals. what do you want? why do you want to achieve it? reminding yourself of your goals will actually motivate you and make you stop procrastinating. for me its that i don't want any old projects or books having to continue into the new year so i've made a plan that will definitely get it done before the next year!

[cherrribun]

Just read your first years with a stoner!reader and wanted to ask if you could write the same for the third years? Like they just catch the reader about to start smoking, eye contact, “You want one?”

TWST 3rd Years x Stoner! Reader

loving writing these, theyre so silly! not all are loyal to the exact prompt, but theyre variations of it! i love rook, i would kiss him if he was real :dreamy:

Characters: 3rd years!

TWS: Drug usage, weed of all kinds, some characters dislike the weed

a/n: sorry idias shorter, hes a bit difficult to write for me, but i shall improve!

Trey Clover

-trey has the mind of a worn out father of 3, the poor man

-hes very often busy, and despite this, does as much as he can to make time for everyone who is important to him

-heartslabyul is possibly the worst dorm to be a stoner in tbh

-often times you have to attend to the variety of colorfully bothersome 800 odd rules, all of which to be considered not only during class but afterward

-so no dice to our reader

-the most available hour to smoke is most often late at night, when most other students are asleep

-trey likes to wish everyone a goodnight before bed, wether theyre in the common room or their bedrooms!

-what a sweetie, if it werent for the fact you couldn’t wait for him to sleep one night, and decided to play chicken with footsteps down the hall

-the first footsteps weren’t trey, so you smoked, blowing it out the window

-and the next weren’t, nor were the ones after

-assuming trey had mistaken you for being in the common room and he had went to bed, you stopped trying to hide your pen when you heard walking

-of course, he enters your room with intentions of wishing you goodnight, when you are literally in the middle debating hotboxing the room

-”goodnight, dear—-”

-theres a good long moment of staring as trey is in some disbelief, you can see him grimace as he is assaulted by the stench of the weed

-you kind of just stare at one another, before you kind of just hold the pen out as if an invitation

-trey blinks

-”you know you really shouldn’t be doing that in the dorms. Its not good for you,”

-you got lectured for about 10 minutes before trey came over and gave you a goodnight hug

-he sheepishly kind of stood by the bed before snatching the pen and taking a hit lol

Cater Diamond

-lets be very honest, cater is a fiend for weed

-its practically in the dna of anyone with screentime exceeding 8 hours a day

-but cater isn’t dumb, he wouldn’t post about it explicitly, but has had “scandals” when he goes live on magicam, a little too giggly and slow while doing his little nightly routine

-when you come into the picture, you obviously shoot cater a follow on magicam, and he ofc follows you back

-and one day you happen upon his giggly streams, hes clearly tripping based off the way he cant stop laughing while messing with filters

-bless, youve found your people

-you would go up to him next time you saw him, and subtly ask him if he knows a mary jane

-he looks at you all stupid for a second before he catches on but seven be damned, hes estatic

-later that day, when its the evening turning night, you are of course enjoying the pleasures of your bong when a certain redhead is knocking on the door

-he immediately laughs the moment he sees your bong, pulling out his own pen when he shuts the door behind him

-”great minds think alike! I’m like totally not supposed to do this, but I brought secret tarts. no telling!!”

-cater is an active guy when high, he loves himself sativa, or whatever magical equivalent there is

-a smoke sesh with cater is a dream come true, hes entertainment enough with the way he literally can not sit still. he will go from telling you the latest gossip to playing his playlist and begging you to dance with him, all the while snickering and laughing

Lilia Vonrouge

-lilia is a very peculiar man, as many may be aware

-700 years old, a calloused war veteran who struck down foes larger than life, raising silver himself

-and also a gamer, 5’1, and owner of eclectic “vases”

-its rather safe to say when he stumbles upon you in the middle of taking a hit, he had known for a long time already

-hes not necessarily a stalker, but he does hang around per say (literally)

-and his “stumbling” upon you was very likely him hanging upside down in your room, likely planning on scaring you for the fun of it, but got interested as you looked about suspiciously before pulling out your little draw-string bag of buds

-he promptly blows his cover, scaring you yes, but hes eager to join you

-”my my, smoking in school? diasomnia no less? Youve a rebellious streak in you, most kids do dont they?”

-old man

-i jest, yet he does recall when weed was first localized for humans and the exact date when each strain was curated

-i dont really know if he would necessarily ask you if he could join, more so holding his hand out expectantly

-but you obviously havent rolled shit yet, so awkwardly handing him a bud, you watch in horror as he just. Eats. the bud

-lilia high isnt very different from normal lilia, honestly, hes possibly more tolerable if youre a fan of “back in my day” speeches

-he probably requires alot of weed to really feel much too, hes got a tolerance from over the years, you know. best to keep some extra if you want to keep the man around!

Malleus Draconia

-malleus is a bit of a buzz kill to be quite frank

-not in your usual sense however

-when malleus walks into your dorm, having picked up on that ever peculiar scent of a certain herb, he lays into you

-but not in the ‘smoking is bad for you!’ way

-in the ‘what is cannabis’ way

-malleus had grown up incredibly sheltered in briar valley, he barely speaks to a soul outside of lilia whom isnt always the best company

-he literally has no idea what the hell weed is, its simply never been introduced to him in anyway

-after a long explanation of what drugs are, how you enjoy the sensations of being high and buzzy, how you can get so hungry and sleepy or excited and stupid from the herb

-hes like a mix of a grandpa and a toddler sitting at the edge of your bed. hes got the mentality of a hardened ancient and the heart of a child

-he gladly accepts your offer of the drug, but doesn't heed your advice when you tell him not to hold back the coughs

-malleus hacking up a lung isn’t a sight many have ever been able to see!!

-it takes him a good amount of weed ingested to get any sort of high, much like lilia, but not nearly as much as the bat

-if youve ever thought malleus was brooding and quiet, youve simply never seen him on drugs. hes silent, staring, and unmoving, starkly like the gargoyles he enjoys so much

Idia Shroud

-idia smokes. he has a screen time thats so abysmally terrible its almost a cruel joke

-idia is a fiend for indica, he loves feeling silly and sleepy, and it soothes his anxiety quite well

-so he accepts to smoke with you

-anticipate a long, thoughtful reflective conversation when you're havinf a sesh with the guy

-he has shower thoughts to share for sure, and some crazy stories to tell you from time to time

-honestly with the way he speaks, you might forget he has indepth statstics about every persons social levels!

-he can lock in like crazy when hes high, dont be mistaken, however

-when not letting you in on his interesting inner world, hes got his eyes firmly locked onto a screen, absolutely crushing the poor souls who had the misfortune to be in a game queue with him

-however, he can't watch anime for the life of him when high, without being directly involved, he succumbs to the sleepiness almost instantly

Vil Schoenheit

-you have some balls to even think about smoking in the pomfiore dormitory, let alone when youre dating the vil schoenheit!

-vil has absolutely zero time for such lowly activities such as smoking weed!

-you have to get very creative with it, edibles are your best bet in such a pickle

-alas, vil insists on sampling one of your brownies, and dear god, no matter what you say, he demands it

-when you try and scoot around why he can't have one, he dramatically storms off and you have an angry vil to handle for the night

-he takes one during the night, and you get to wake up to vil in a distress you have never seen before

-”dearest, were those *marjiuana* brownies?”

- vil relaxed after you confirmed it, and let him know he wasn't dying, but he tried his best to scold you for smoking

-”this is simply unbelievable! have you no consideration for my image!?”

-too bad hes got the attention span of a goldfish while high

-show him something on your phone,let him have it, and you are set

-the wonderlands equivalent of tiktok is like a life line for you while this man is absolutely stoned out of his mind

-youve got a nice lecture waiting for you in the morning, try and enjoy him so soft and not uptight in this moment, yeah?

Rook Hunt

-rook is absolutely adorable

-the mans got the purest heart one could ever encounter, and adores anything to do with his betrothed

-when he encounters you and your penjamin, hes got a lovely impromptu poem for you to listen to

-”mon amour, you have stolen my heart in ways not uet discovered by the greater world! tu es éblouissante, ma cheri!--” yapyapyap

-all of which his is dramatic way of saying he doesn't care you smoke

-when you end up offering him some, trust, hes on one knee infront of you like hes proposing

-hes terribly down bad

-when hes high, oh my god, you would need to sew his mouth shut in order to keep him quiet

-he babbles absolutely nothing short of nonsense, almost all of which is in french

-”tu as volé mon coeur, tu es incroyable mon cheri. que ferais-je pour t’épousee á cer instant précis mon petit chou”

-hes also koala hugging you at all times, youre stuck to the bed with him while he babbles and pets you, i hope you dont mind being very warm!

Leona Kingscholar

-well….im not sure leona would care in anyway about someone smoking in the dorms, let alone his lover

-leona is supposed to report it, its a huge offense in terms of academics, but, is it truly that serious?

-absolutely not to this big ol’ lion

-he doesn't smoke himself, hes not into it, and if you ever offer, he declines

-”herbs are all yours, herbivore”

-he thinks hes funny for saying that (hes not)

-but ruggie will totally smoke with you, and leona gets agitated when you two are off having a little sesh together and the lions sitting and sulking on the bed

-why wont you sit and cuddle!??!

-you offer him the joint while you and the hyena are giggling, and he rolls his eyes and finally gives in

-”fine, whatever, its probably nothin’”

-oh my god, he absolutely loves it

-he sleeps like an absolute rock, head on your lap while you and ruggie are messing around and eating food

-during the brief moments hes awake, he grabs tou and pulls you into a death hug, and falls back asleep

-you wriggle out while laughing, repeat cycle

-leona can not help but smile when he sees you swooning while ruggie gags, only to realize the lions up and squeal and squirm away

-yeah, hes joining you next time again for sure

[foldingfittedsheets]

A basic human skill that people usually lock down around the age of three or four is impulse control. To conceptualize an action and it’s consequences before taking it. Maybe considering how that action affects other people. We then refine it through most of our childhood.

When I was a teenager my hold on this ability became… tenuous. I became a volatile and dangerous creature.

It’s probably not unique to me, but I had a perfect storm in terms of mental upsets. I had just mastered enough basic social skills, so I finally had a strong group of friends when my dad suddenly needed to move for work. Ripped away from my support network, blooming with hormones, I was dragged to Arizona. I was always a child of forests and mist and suddenly everything was hot, dry, and extremely pointy and aggressive.

Additionally to being abruptly transplanted I found myself an object of affection in a way I’d never been before. Lonely and desperate to make friends the only people who wanted to spend time with me had romantic designs. I just wanted to figure out my shit but I had a baby lesbian flirting with increasing aggression in art, a soft boy making heart eyes at me in biology, a senior nerd asking if I wanted to play Halo at his house and could he hold my hand?

Reader, I snapped. I didn’t want this romantic attention but I also didn’t want to be alone. My brain coped the only way it knew how, by simply cutting out decision making. Any action was the right action to take.

It started with the boy in biology. I’d stolen his pencil out of mischief and to my overwhelming fury instead of trying to steal it back he just softened his eyes and chucked me gently under my chin, a gesture so overtly sweet and romantic that I saw red.

I stabbed him with his own pencil.

I honestly and truly have no memory of it. It happened as fast as a snake striking and I was instantly filled with terrified remorse. Unfortunately that manifested as psychotic giggling.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t- I don’t know why- I’m so sorry!” I said, while hysterically laughing. I ended up having lodged some graphite in his palm and had to tweeze it out with my nails while apologizing furiously. (It’s very important to note here that he forgave me and we’re still friends)

That was weird, I thought. Why didn’t I think before I stabbed someone?

The next event was equally catastrophic, and I had even less reason to do it. In gym with two girls I was tentatively befriending, we were warming up running laps. I started racing one of them. At breakneck speed we were sprinting around the gym.

This time, there was a blip of thought before I fucked up. I should get the other girl! I have no idea why or what the plan was but I turned on a swivel and body checked the other girl. We both fell down in immense pain. I think that’s the moment I broke my tailbone. Her knees were horribly bruised and she looked at me in bewildered pain. “Why did you do that?!”

I had no idea. I apologized and helped her up, both of us hobbling like newborn horses, bruised and hurting.

By this time there’d been enough social upheavals that I was reduced to spending time with some girls I had nothing in common with and low key disliked. Sat at a table listening to this girl talk about how she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up I thought, You’d better put the cap on before you throw it.

I then chucked my empty water bottle directly at her face. It bounced off her forehead with a bop! that would have made a sound mixer weep at its perfection.

All eyes turned to me is startlement. I stared back at her, stunned by my own action, just as confused as everyone else at the table as to why I’d done that. One of the girls to my right said, “Were you trying to hit that fly?”

“Yes!” I lied, “I’m sorry, I thought I could hit the fly!”

Everyone laughed at my antics and I joined in rather than admit I had just chucked something at her for no reason.

Things did start to improve after that. I solidified a friendship with the girl I’d raced (who I developed a massive crush on and ten years later would go on to date). My outbursts turned more whimsical rather than aggressive. Like accosting a girl leaving the cafeteria to look deeply into her eyes and say with great compassion, “It’s going to be alright.”

My new friend and I snuck into the van that delivered our cafeterias baked goods and lay giggling in the back. When I’d impulsively hopped in she’d joined me and made it a game.

After a year in Arizona I broke down crying to my mother, an act of great desperation, and we ended up moving back home. My impulse control returned to normal teenage levels and life resumed in a happier state of mind.

[divadepreshawn]

𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤

Summary: A case brings the past back

Aaron Hotchner × fem!reader

The team was gathered for the briefing, a somewhat complex case because it involved important people, the suspect was targeting specific people, guards, lawyers and judges.

Hotch enters the room and sits next to Rossi “Garcia, what do we have?”

“Two guards and a lawyer were killed with a point-blank shot in a 5-day interval, a judge was attacked but survived, he is in the hospital recovering from surgery” She hands a folder to each of them.

“He doesn't seem to enjoy it, he's not an exhibitionist” Emily comments analyzing the photo of the crime scene.

“And he's not even targeting the number of victims, he has a specific target” Reid points to the name of the place where the lawyer was killed “This place is busy, he could have killed more than twenty people, but he didn't”

Morgan flips through the files “He's targeting authority figures, maybe a resentful ex-colleague or ex-inmate, any suspects?”

“The victims’ families don’t know if they had enemies. As for former inmates, the list is huge. About 1.46 million people have been arrested in the last 5 years in the United States, and only ⅓ of them were for minor crimes. About 10,345 people were released after their unjust imprisonment was confirmed,” Garcia says as he shows a slide with the data.

“Given the way the victims are killed, I believe it’s revenge. We should focus on unjust imprisonment.” Rossi thinks for a moment. “Do we know anything else?”

“Of the 10,345 people unjustly imprisoned, 2,300 people were released three weeks before the murders began. Of those 2,300, 1,000 people were imprisoned due to psychiatric reports. The families all went to the same company. It redid all the reports and proved that they were forged.”

“Which company?” Hotch asks, looking up from the report.

Garcia hands him a sheet of paper “Themis, it’s a multidisciplinary company, lawyers, psychologists and psychiatrists work there. After they close the case, the names of those involved are omitted from the database.”

Rossi nods “I’ve heard of this company, they’ve worked on important cases, the big judges and the best law firms only work with them, they also provide advice to some lawyers.”

Reid closes the report “I read some articles by the founder about the State×mental health, she has really interesting points about the way society views crimes and how our morals affect judgment.”

Hotch looks at Spencer, confused “Founder?”

“Yes, there aren’t many pictures of her on the internet, but she wrote many articles. She said that society fails to spread information about mental disorders and that the State also fails to consider this when judging cases. She founded this company so that everyone could have access to legal assistance when it comes to mental disorders. Which fits with the name of the company, since Themis is the goddess of law in Greek mythology. Daughter of Uranus and Gaia, the deity was the guardian of men’s oaths and the law. She was often invoked in trials, which is why she was often seen as the goddess of justice-”

Morgan touches Spencer’s arm, a silent and gentle warning that he was rambling. Spencer stops talking, mumbling a small apology.

“Okay, JJ and Rossi are going to the hospital to talk to the judge, Morgan and Prentiss are going to the crime scene, Reid and I are going to the company to see if we can get the list without needing a warrant, we leave in thirty minutes.” Hotch closes the report and puts it in his briefcase before leaving the room.

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Being a successful woman had its price, a very high price to be honest, you worked so hard to have your space and be respected in a sea of ​​men. In the beginning it wasn't easy, you worked to your limit, for renowned lawyers, judges, big law firms, at the same time you continued studying and doing research to improve yourself and be able to open your own company.

You were analyzing a report when Ella, your assistant, entered your office.

"Y/N?" She asked hesitantly

"Yes?" you hummed in response without looking away from the computer.

"Don't freak out now but there are two FBI agents wanting to talk to you"

Ok, now you were paying attention, you stop what you were doing and look at her, your head starts to go over your whole life, did you forget to file your income tax? Did someone in your family get arrested? Oh my god, did you kill someone and you don't remember?

"To me? Did I do something?" you ask panicking.

She looks at you confused “I don’t know, did you?”

“No,” you shake your head as you stand up “Did you do something?”

“What? I didn’t!” She shakes her head with wide eyes.

You sigh trying to calm yourself down “I’m going now.”

You head towards the mirror in the corner of the room, fixing your skirt and hair slightly. If you’re going to get arrested, you should at least look nice.

As you leave the room, you can see Ella talking to two men. They have their backs to you. You glance between them quickly. One of them has a sweater over his shirt. That’s cute, you think. Your gaze turns to the other. He’s wearing a suit, and he looks expensive from the way the fabric hangs on his body.

“What do I owe you for the honor of your visit-” you stop talking abruptly when your eyes land on them and you recognize one of them.

“Aaron? Aaron Hotchner?” You smile. What were the chances?

He frowns for a moment as he studies you, his eyes lingering on your sun-shaped necklace, you can see the understanding dawning in his eyes.

“Y/N?” He asks in surprise

You laugh as you nod, who would have thought you would end up bumping into your ex-boyfriend from college.

You were serious, you dated for practically four years of college. You fell in love with him because, well, he was gorgeous, smart and funny, a stark contrast to the scowling man you saw a minute ago. But to be fair he looked even more handsome now, God is that fair?

You can see a slight smile playing on his lips, though it soon returns to its previous expression.

“It’s been years since I’ve seen you, how are you?” He asks softly.

You smile “I’m fine, how have you been? The last time I heard from you you were still a lawyer”

“I think I make more of a difference in the FBI” he shrugs not looking away from yours.

Yes, you know, he is the most selfless person you have ever met.

You nod, holding his gaze.

“Uh-huh,” the man next to him cleared his throat, catching his attention. “Do you know each other?” He looked confused.

You and Aaron exchange a brief look, you let him answer.

“We met in college” your tone was firm, not leaving room for questions.

Auth, just acquaintances? That hurt. You bite the inside of your cheek.

“Oh sorry, I’m Y/N” you offer a soft smile.

“Cough the CEO” Ella says while faking a cough.

You scold her with your gaze turning to them.

“I’m Dr. Reid” he has a shy smile on his lips “I’ve read many of your articles on Psychology in the legal world, the one of yours about the death penalty is really interesting, I guess I never thought about it from that angle, you did a good job with the humanization of the victim. And the name of the company? Really great idea, Themis? Although I think you could call it Athena too-” Hotch lightly pats your arm.

“Spencer”

He stops talking, blushing slightly and mumbling “sorry”.

You smile gently at him “It’s okay, I’m glad someone understood the meaning behind the name.”

He gives a slight nod, looking more relaxed.

“So, why are you here?” You ask curiously, looking between them.

Hotch hands you a folder with three photos.

“We have a murder case and we believe it may be a revenge-motivated crime, we need the list of the 1,000 you helped free. Do you know any of them?”

You look at the photos but don’t recognize any of them. “I don’t know them, I wish I could help but I can’t give out my clients’ information.”

He sighs, taking the folder when you hold it out to him “Y/N, this is serious, I understand that there is ethical confidentiality but if you don’t help more people will get hurt”

Would you be a really bad person if you admitted that you didn’t pay attention to what he said? God, why did he look so attractive? Was it his clothes, his hair, his tone of voice, or the lines on his face? Maybe it was all of them-

“Y/N? Did you hear what I said?” He scans your face for a sign that you understand the gravity of the situation.

“I..” you sigh “Ella?”

“Yes?” She stands up from her desk.

“Give Dr. Reid the information he needs.” She nods, guiding Spencer to her desk.

Hotch gives Spencer a slight nod for her to go with Ella, and then turns his gaze back to you.

“Thank you, that really will help.” He crosses his arms.

Your gaze immediately drops to your arms.

Why did you break up again?

“No problem.” You give him a toothless smile. “It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you too.” He hesitates for a moment. “I’m… sorry about the way things ended. I was an idiot.”

Oh, yes, you just remembered why you broke up.

You loved him, but you had learned that love alone wasn’t enough to sustain a relationship. It took understanding, effort, and reciprocity. You knew that Aaron had difficulty expressing his feelings, a reflection of the traumas he carried since childhood. You tried to be patient, to fill the gaps with gestures and unspoken words, but in the end, you felt like you were carrying the weight of the relationship alone.

But that’s in the past. You were in your twenties. What did you really know about relationships? You’ve gotten over it.

He hesitates for a moment, looking down at his shoe. “I wish I could go back and fix things.”

Your heart skipped a beat. What is he trying to insinuate?

He turns his gaze to you “I know I shouldn’t ask you this but, would you like to go out on Saturday? I know a coffee shop near downtown that has that sweet bread you liked.”

Your heart melts, he still remembers.

Maybe it’s worth the risk.

You smile “I’d love to actually.”

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[feverdreamjohnny]

"Why There Will Never Be a Peeb Adventures" otherwise known as "The Peeb Adventures Pre-Mortem"

Since 2020, I've made a good chunk of games. Hell, even though I've been doing this for 10 years to date, the majority of my progress as a creative began over the course of this 4 year period.

Out of all the games I've made - or otherwise had a hand in - there is only one that's apparently struck a chord so deeply with people that to this day I still get messages and comments asking when it will come out.

The title of this post already explains the whole deal so I'm not gonna be dramatic about it right here. As per usual, I will instead get heart-clutchingly dramatic about the subject by the end of this story.

I felt the idea of a "Pre-Mortem" might be a fun way to talk about games that will never be finished. Maybe I'll make more of these down the line for other old games, who knows.

"The Incredibly True Origins of Peeb Adventures" or "Wow! I Hate It!"

Peeb Adventures began as a gift game for my long-time friend Aaron. It was simple, fun little gag that stemmed from a 3D model I made of a character he doodled during a drawpile session. I gave Peeb a grapple hook just because I wanted to experiment with swinging mechanics and felt the gag gift was a great space to toy around in without having to actually ask myself how on earth I'd want to structure a game around a grappling hook. Foreshadowing!

Eventually, the gag gift did that classic thing all developers have experienced before where your game spirals out of control and grows into a hideous monster, and what started as a fairly abstract grappling toy convergently evolved into that dreaded state we call a "3D Mascot Platformer."

I made a very short demo in the summer of 2020. It went absolutely nowhere, and after an idol of mine caught wind and asked to play it (before sending about 3 paragraphs of feedback suggesting how to improve what was, in my view, a trainwreck of baby blocks stacked on top of eachother), I shelved the project.

"The Absolutely Tremendulous HPS1 Adventure of Peeb" or "My Friend Jam Suggested I Revive the Project and So I Did"

Shortly after Peeb was shelved for the first time, I joined a community of game developers called Haunted PS1. For those not in the know, HPS1 was essentially the nexus point for "retro horror games" in the indie sphere, and a lot of the resulting deluge (non-perjorative) on itch.io can find its roots in this community.

HPS1 was a good place. Lots of nice, talented people willing to tolerate the kind of mindless riffing I often do in voice calls, anyway. I made a decent chunk of friends there, some of which I'm still quite close to, even today.

HPS1 has this tradition called the HPS1 Demo Disc that began in 2020, and with the year coming to its end, there was talk of a new one set to arrive in spring 2021.

Unlike the first demodisc, however, 2021's disc required you to submit a game in-progress to a panel of judges. They'd then give their yay-or-nay, and you were either in or out.

One day, I was musing over the fact that I didn't really have anything to submit so I would likely have to sit out of 2021's disc. My friend, Jam, who you might know as the developer of the Heilwald Loophole (or Beton Brutal) suggested I consider reviving Peeb Adventures as my submission to the demo disc.

Why did I follow through on this? I don't know. It's funny to think a scenario this simple was the launch point for my career.

Over the next 6 months, I worked on turning the absolutely horrendous gag game into... Something still kinda trite but at least playable. I had some help from my longtime teammate drurylain, my longtime friend Aaron (the creator of Peeb's original design), and my longtime spiritual uncle Tim, and with our powers combined... A new kind of demo experience where you don't do anything of particular note besides swinging around was born.

Also quite important: the very same drawpile session that spawned Peeb also spawned Orbo, who would also make his own appearance in Peeb Adventures as a recurring side character (since I felt like Peeb needed a friend).

"Go! Incredible Friendship Unites in the Gameosphere! Peeb and Orbo are Born!" or "Peeb Adventures: Coming Never"

So the demo for Peeb Adventures was finished early March 2021, and the demo disc went live on itch.io on the 25th of the month.

The demo disc then proceeded to do a backflip and pick up a LOT of traction online. Which then meant Peeb itself was catching little bits of the traction in its mouth and smacking its lips.

I went from "guy who makes games for nobody" to "guy who makes games for that one very specific brand of teen on twitter who loves the object head show", and I was riding high.

Fanart poured in. People showed a lot of love. I was dazzled by it all, really.

Despite the love for the game and the potential on hand, progress was stagnant. My group of friends and I all got together in a google doc and wrote an entire planning bible for the game. Game mechanics, story beats, twists and turns, the whole thing. Despite having the structure lined up, I had other ambitions and began working on a multiplayer deathmatch game that quickly overtook my work schedule.

Peeb sat on the backburner, but at the time I still wanted to finish it one day. My main excuse was "well, I just need more money! If I'm going to work on this game it's gonna need more than one fulltime person and I can't just ask people to work for free!" That excuse worked on me for a while.

"I Don't Think I Want to Play With You Anymore Peeb!" or "There's Such a Thing as Too Much Love"

A while had passed at this point. My ambitions hadn't just grown, they'd completely shifted. Before long, I found myself working on yet another demo for the 2022 HPS1 Demo Disc, "The Spectral Mall."

Nowhere, MI wasn't just some random toy for me, but the culmination of all my love into one game. Despite its silly demeanor, the game was a product of a lot of pain, and even now I still desperately want to finish it. Except I have to make money to live, so... Oops!

Anyhow, there was a shift in demeanor for me during 2022. You have Peeb, a game that I made on a whim as kind of a joke with friends, and you have Nowhere, MI, a game that meant the world to me during really dark times.

And you know what? There were a lot of people that wanted Peeb. People that never stopped asking me about it.

I realized while working on Nowhere that I didn't really know what I would even do if I ever had the chance to work on the full Peeb Adventures. Not only did I find the nagging kind of annoying, Peeb was also something I couldn't really... Wrap my head around?

It occurred to me that Peeb wasn't really "my" game anymore, it was "his" game. The old Johnny.

I'd changed a lot since the game had come out in early 2021. In a year and a half my world got flipped upside down, and... I don't know, Nowhere was way more reflective of who I was now. Sure the humor was still pretty asinine, but there was a shift. It was hard to picture the "Peeb Adventures" people were actually looking forward to when my own sensibilities had drifted so far.

When the Nowhere demo came out along with Spectral Mall, it did... Alright? People liked it, but it wasn't the same as Peeb's release. Hell, even in Nowhere's release there were people pushing it aside to ask the same question they'd been asking every week leading up to it. "When is Peeb Adventures coming out?"

"Goodbye Peeb!"

It was increasingly harder and harder to not look back at Peeb and kind of hate it. It was rough in every respect, and yet it whenever I met people who'd heard of me online, they always cited Peeb Adventures.

Strangers continue to ask me when it's coming out. On rare occasion I'll get someone asking about Nowhere and I'll feel a bit excited anyone else cares about that game besides me and maybe my friends, but most of the time people just ask about Peeb.

To finally answer this question I've been asked for nearly 4 years: There will probably never be a Peeb Adventures.

"Goodbye Johnny."

I like to believe one of the reasons people are attracted to my body of work is because I make games to reach out to other people. That's probably not the real reason, but it's nice to play pretend and imagine your work has more significance than just "ha ha boner."

I put a lot of myself in my games and I rarely hold back, even if an idea is insanely stupid or strange. The result usually becomes something more like a scrapbook than a game.

It's hard to try and expand on a game like Peeb when the Johnny who made it isn't really with us anymore. If I worked on Peeb now, you'd get some kind of irregular frankenstein that'd never be as exciting as the original vision was.

By the time I get around to Nowhere again, am I still going to be this Johnny? Or will the next Johnny look back at Nowhere the same way I look at Peeb now? Who knows.

Anyway, look forward to more games from me and my friends. Even if it's not Peeb Adventures, it'll still be us.

[yasmindifference]

Cheer up prompt #27

An anon and @this-was-a-terrible-idea also requested #27! A popular number apparently lol. I hope you all enjoy! ♡

"--and then Mr. Browsten said that with all the, um, the hullabaloo that it wasn't fair to make us take a test, so he cancelled it."

Tim pauses for breath and Mom hums an encouraging noise. When Dad makes that sound, it means he's not really listening, but he knows Mom's paying attention, even though she hasn't stopped curling her hair. From where he's lying on her bed, he can see her reflection in the vanity mirror, and she's frowning just like he knew she would.

Mom doesn't approve of canceling tests, which means she doesn't approve of Mr. Browsten, because he cancels them all the time.

(Mom says tests are important to know where improvement is necessary. Mr. Browsten doesn't seem to agree.)

"So we watched a documentary instead and it was pretty interesting, it was about puffer fish! Sarah asked what puffer fish have to do with grammar and Mr. Browsten said that learning is its own reward, but I think he just didn't have anything else ready so he took something from Ms. Cappola instead. She's the fifth grade science teacher and I heard her classes watch movies at least twice a week."

Mom tuts, which Tim was expecting, and sets down her curling iron.

"Ridiculous," she mutters. "I don't know why we're paying that school so much in tuition when they can't be bothered to teach you anything. It's a miracle you ever learned to read."

"It's because I'm smart," Tim informs her helpfully, and Mom smiles her special just-for-Tim smile.

"You are," she agrees. "And thank goodness for that. Now, would my smart boy do me a favor?"

Because Tim's smart, he already knows what she's going to ask. He rolls off the bed to his feet. "Curling iron?"

"Yes, please." Mom rolls her chair away from the vanity so he can crawl under it to unplug the curling iron. She plugged it in herself, but that was before she was all dressed up in her expensive dress. "Thank you, Timmy."

"You're welcome," he chirps, crawling back out.

Mom rolls back in front of the vanity, but Tim stays where he is, kneeling next to it so he can watch her put her makeup on. There are a lot of different bottles and brushes and powders involved, but Mom never hesitates. Tim doesn't know how she keeps it all straight.

He likes watching Mom get ready to go out. Sometimes--like tonight--she lets him pick out the jewelry she's gonna wear, and then she chooses her dress and hair and makeup all based on what he picked. Even when the colors don't match, it all fits together like a puzzle...a puzzle she pieces together in seconds after Tim's impulsive choice.

It's really cool.

Tonight, Tim picked pretty, dangly earrings with some kind of red stone (ruby, Mom said when he asked), so Mom picked a black dress. She said it would make the earrings pop, which he didn't get until he saw her wearing it.

Now, he watches her choose lipstick as red as the earrings and asks, "Does the lipstick make the earrings pop, too?"

Mom finishes smoothing it on before she smiles at him. "You tell me."

Tim studies her. The lipstick matches the earrings, but it doesn't draw attention to them the way the plain dress does. He already watched her do her eye stuff, and her eyes look bigger somehow, but they're not colorful like they were when they all went to the opera last week.

"No," he decides. "You went new...neutral?" He waits for her slight nod of confirmation, then continues, encouraged, "You went neutral with your eye stuff and red with your lipstick to make your lips pop."

"Very good," Mom says, smiling. She cups his cheek briefly before turning back to the vanity. "Clever boy."

Tim beams and watches in fascinated silence as she uses some kind of powder. Even though he's staring right at her, he can't tell what the powder actually does. All he knows is that when she's done, her face looks...different. Still pretty, but kinda sharper somehow.

Makeup is like magic, he decides. No matter how many times he watches her get ready, he can never figure it out.

"Can I try?" he asks impulsively.

"Try what?" Mom asks, a little distracted. The cap on one of her bottles is stuck and she's struggling to open it.

"Your makeup!" Tim takes the bottle from her and opens it by using the hem of his shirt to grip it better. Mom can't do that, her dress is all shiny and slippery. "You look pretty, I wanna try."

Mom pauses and then smiles.

"I don't have long before I have to leave," she warns him, "but I don't see why not. Do you want to pick out some lipstick?"

Tim absolutely does. He levers to his feet as, across the room, Dad finally stirs. He's been reading some stuff his assistant from Drake Industries brought by earlier, ignoring them both, but now he says, "Janet" in a weird tone.

"Jack?" Mom asks, even as she directs Tim's attention to the little circles on the bottom of her lipstick tubes that show what color they are. She has a lot of options.

"Janie, really," Dad says. He sounds unhappy, and Tim looks up from comparing two different shades of pink to find him frowning. "You can't mean to let our son--"

He stops mid-sentence and Tim bites back a wince. Dad's in trouble; Tim hasn't seen that look on Mom's face since he told her about his last nanny giving him whiskey to help him sleep when he woke up from bad dreams.

"My son," Mom says very deliberately, "is welcome to express himself however he likes."

Is trying makeup expressing himself? Tim just wants to see if it makes him as pretty as it does Mom.

Either way, that's not a good tone. Tim looks down and concentrates really hard on picking out a lipstick.

"Janet," Dad tries again, weakly. He obviously knows he's in Big Trouble, but for some reason he hasn't apologized yet. Tim tries to psychically tell him to cut his losses and back down, but his telepathy apparently still hasn't kicked in, because Dad says, "It's just that--"

"Do you know what you want to try, sweetheart?" Mom asks, completely ignoring Dad.

Tim looks between his parents, decides to let Dad dig his own grave, and hands Mom the red he settled on.

(If it's the red that most closely resembles the red in Robin's uniform...well, it's not like Mom has any way of knowing that.)

"Excellent choice!" Mom says. She stands up from the vanity and pats her chair. "Take a seat."

Tim does, excited. He's not usually allowed to sit at Mom's vanity.

Lipstick, he learns quickly, feels really weird. He has to sit super still while Mom puts it on him, and it makes his lips feel weirdly heavy, like there's something on them.

Which there is, actually, so...he doesn't know what he was expecting.

Mom hands him a tissue so he can "blot" his lips, just like he's seen her do a million times, and then steps aside so he can see his reflection in the mirror.

"Whoa," Tim says, leaning closer. He makes a few faces, pushing his lips together and out, transfixed by how bright and noticeable they are. It doesn't make him pretty like Mom, but he likes how it looks anyway. "Cool."

Behind him, Dad throws up his hands and leaves the room. He's angry, Tim can tell, but Mom is smiling down at him, so Tim's not worried.

"Do you want to pick eyeshadow next?" she asks.

"Yes, please!"

Prompt #27 was experimentation! Well selected! ♡♡

[dollyyun]

DKP 7.4, FINALE (incomplete draft)

note: this is not proofread, so what you're about to read is the finale in its raw form with horrendous typos, grammatical errors and some paragraphs and even dialogues that don't make sense so don't expect much.

also way below are spoilers/details of the unwritten scenes (also in its raw form aka messy af) again i’m sorry if they don’t make any sense. i promise the revamped will be better. do send asks if you have anything to clarify!

wc: 11.9K

Time eventually became a valuable essence you began appreciating more, as well as cultivating your career, your friendships, your familial ties, and most especially your relationship with the guys that continues to blossom, because days turned into weeks, and weeks slipped into months just like how time slipped between your fingers before you could even grasp onto it a little longer.

Just thinking about the journey you sailed throughout those periods has you breaking into a soft grin while the upturned shape of your lips can be felt on his shoulder, prompting him to cast a quick glance down at you with a raised eyebrow. It is as though the past recollections are a memorable playback in your mind with waves of nostalgia descending on you benignly. 

It has been three months since you agreed to and established a polyamorous relationship with the guys, but it certainly was not all sunshine and rainbows ─ not saying that you often had arguments with them or that your relationship was all toxic. In fact, the guys genuinely and solemnly stayed true to their words in regards to treating you better than they did before.

But at the end of the day, they’re humans too, so flaws were inevitable. There were moments when you got into minor disputes with them and felt infuriated by their actions that ticked you off the same way they felt towards yours. However, a clear rule had been established that was deemed important in your relationship: listen and hear each other out before proceeding to the communication stage, followed by any needed consolation.

Those moments were rare, but they happened, and it is cliché to say this, but after every argument or petty dispute, your relationship seemed to improve significantly each time, and you slowly began to understand each other’s flaws and complexities better with open minds. You also acknowledged that not once did they ever raise their voice or hand at you during arguments, even if anger brimmed in their veins, and you appreciated that, just as you began to appreciate every little thing they did.

To the guys, their love for you outweighs anything else, and they treasure you more than you will ever know, which is why their anger would always be short-lived, as all that mattered to them was you running and seeking comfort and home in their arms at the end of the day. All in all, they had been nothing but amazing lovers in spite of their flaws and differences.

Speaking of differences, the dynamic flow in your relationship is oddly smooth, considering that each of them has a primal instinct of possessiveness towards you, but somehow, they make it work, and no schedule is needed when it comes to the fairness of spending time with you individually. Likewise, how being in a relationship with four guys didn’t feel as awkward to you as it was in the very beginning.

Plus, your friends in Milan were informed of your new relationship status, and they were more than accepting that you’re a taken woman. Initially, you did have some lingering worries about your friend’s differing opinions despite being accepting, but they treated you just the same, only putting a little more distance now with Eunwoo and Wooseok. The two older guys have known and seen how possessive your boyfriends could get, and so they respected your boyfriends enough to establish more boundaries between you and them. But to you, the two men probably wanted to save their hide from your lovers, who are more than capable of doing any form of harm.

As for Jennifer, she still doesn't particularly like your boyfriends, but after seeing how evidently happier you are compared to the years she spent with you, she couldn’t deny that your being in a relationship with them was right and meant to be. Of course, she gave a strict warning to your boyfriends, albeit they didn’t feel threatened by her, about breaking your heart again and taking good care of you on the day she, along with her father and your boyfriends, helped you in moving out.

Moving out of your apartment, especially when it was Jennifer’s father who generously gifted your once-humble abode to you, was honestly a challenging decision because even though you were totally psyched about living with your boyfriends, your apartment held both bittersweet memories of both hardships and ease.

As for Jennifer’s father, aka Mr. Huh, his reaction was not what you expected, albeit he looked a tad astounded after he had been told of your polyamorous relationship. Since he took you under his wing for quite a period of time and regarded you like his second daughter, it was natural for you to feel obliged to formally introduce your boyfriends to him, and you couldn’t lie about how nervous you were for them because Mr. Huh is an austere man who is fiercely protective towards his loved ones and has high standards, but much to your surprise, he seemed accepting and amiable enough to welcome them to the family on behalf of your parents.

Upon watching the interaction between your father figure and the loves of your life, you couldn’t help with the guilt pulling at your heartstrings of making the decision to move out of your apartment as you felt incredibly indebted to Mr. Huh for everything he had done and for supporting you when you had nothing in the beginning of your new journey here. You consulted about living with your boyfriends permanently with both Jennifer and Mr. Huh, and you even apologised to him profusely with tears filling your waterline, but the elder reassured you that he understood your decision and remained a supportive father figure till this day. 

Both Jennifer and Mr. Huh wanted you to worry less about such trivial matters and instead, they genuinely wanted you to be happy with your life and your blooming relationship because you deserved it after going through different stages of tribulation. Just like your boyfriends, your comfort and happiness matter the most to the father-daughter duo.

On the other hand, the guys moved into the mansion two weeks before the actual date of their lease termination over the penthouse that also held memories you made with them. They refused to do it at the very last minute, and plus, it would be convenient for them in advance as they wanted to focus on helping you with packing and moving out after dealing with paperwork and other vital issues at hand.

Moving in was the easiest part, considering you had more help than you would’ve thought, but to unpack your stuff from the boxes was simply gruelling that you had to take a day to take a breather before resuming it on the day after instead. Thankfully, your room had already been meticulously furnished by them, so it lessened your burden as you only needed to unpack and organise your stuff; even so, you felt easily fatigued.

When you first stepped into your designated bedroom, a wave of nostalgia hit you like whiplash in the face while you were in awe at how similar the design and layout were to your old bedroom back at the palace in Seoul ─ the walls were painted in cream that made the room more spacious than it already was, a queen-sized bed with upholstered bedframe that looked like puffs of clouds pressing up against the wall where the windows were nearly situated and by the window sill had ample space for at least four people to sit on top of the white fleecy cushion, your very own personalised makeup vanity corner with a full-length mirror next to it, and a fairly big walk-in closet for your clothes and other storage.

You felt the sincerity and love in their efforts in the way they organised and designed your room, rendering you overwhelmed and tearing up as you felt deeply touched. The guys panicked when a single tear rolled down your cheeks, but you chuckled and reassured them that you were being melodramatic. Of course, you didn’t forget to deliver your utmost gratitude to them even though they insisted that it was nothing and that they were simply doing their job as your lovers.

Frankly, it took you almost a week to finally settle in with the help of the guys, even though they had work obligations to fulfil during the daytime, but that also meant depriving you of being intimate with them. Hence, you took the liberty to organise and create schedules for each of them who would be having individual appointments on different days with you.

The sensation of warm, soft lips pressing into your cheek pulls you out of your reverie as you blink your eyes repeatedly before looking at Jake, who has been observing you with curious eyes. “What got you smiling like that, sweetheart?” He asks with an amused smile, placing his hands on your bare thighs and rubbing them in soothing motions as you are perched comfortably on his lap with your folded legs encasing his outer thighs while he is seated on his computer chair.

“Nothing much. Just thinking about our love-life,” You say lightly with a sheepish smile on your lips, eliciting a breathy yet fond chuckle from him as he leans back into his chair leisurely, his posture no longer as tense as earlier. You take a glance over your shoulder, looking back to see his computer screen that displays data and code that you are unable to decipher while a frown slowly tugs at the corners of your lips. “Are you still not done with work yet?”

You don’t want to sound like a whiny, clingy girlfriend, but this time, impatience is absent from within you. Unfortunately, Jake’s appointment with you clashed with his impromptu work schedule that required him to complete his follow-up tasks. Despite the disappointment, you understood that he must attend and fulfil his work obligation since he’s the head of the security team after all.

So you decided to hang around his personalised office room, but boredom eventually struck you, and your patience was running thin as you watched him in his element. Though it had been half an hour since you settled in his office, you chose to admire his handsomeness that nearly enticed you to pounce on him like an untamed animal to kill the time, but it was ineffective to your boredom. Somehow, Jake was able to sense your dampened, sulky temperament as his work forced him to neglect you for more than it should, and so he beckoned you over to sit on his lap while waiting for him to finish. 

You obviously felt keen and rushed to him, nearly tripping over some wires that had him chuckling at your clumsiness. Your short pleated skirt allowed easy access for you to settle your thighs over the sides of his as you managed to perch on his lap comfortably with your arms around him, to which he didn't mind and instead adjusted his seating position for your arms to wrap comfortably around him.

Every so often, you would rest your chin on top of his broad shoulder and give him tender kisses on his neck in an attempt to ease him whenever you felt his body tense up while listening to the sound of keyboards being pressed behind you. Of course, you did not miss the opportunity to bury your nose into his chest, nuzzling and inhaling his scent that offered you solace with his warmth cocooning you like a safety blanket. Despite being focused on his work, he would smile or press a tender kiss on your crown at your every action that he finds endearing.

Seeing the adorable pout on your kissable lips, Jake chuckles breathily as he grabs your hand before pressing a tender kiss on your knuckle in apology. “I’m finally done with my last task. I’m sorry you had to wait for so long.” He leans back against his chair, his head tilting lightly yet adorably while he gives you a boyish grin that sends familiar flutters to your beating heart. “I’m all yours now, lovely. So what do you want to do?”

“Honestly, I just want to cuddle with you and be close to you like this.” You tell him rather bashfully while his eyes soften as he gazes at you with an unmistakable fondness, knowing that you haven’t gotten the chance to be closely intimate with him alone ever since you settled in the mansion for a week now. “We can also watch some movies after cuddling or make something in the kitchen. Plus, I’m kind of craving s'mores.”

Jake nods his head meaningfully before leaning forward to place a chaste kiss on your lips. “Anything my girl wants,” His voice is laced with affection, and his eyes are gazing at you adoringly, which has you feeling all giddy. “You said you want to cuddle, right? We can cuddle comfortably there.”

Holding your thighs securely, Jake rises from the computer chair as he carries you with ease while you instinctively wrap your arms around him with your legs locking around his waist securely. He proceeds to amble across the other side of his office room. “We can do it like this.” He suggests with a mischievous grin, letting himself fall backward while squeals leave your lips as you hold onto him tight, embracing yourself for the incoming impact before he finally lands on the beanbag with a grunt that sounds huskily low and has you feeling something else straight in your lower stomach.

As the last of your giggles wane, you feel a palpable shift in the air around you, something rather raw yet intimate, before noticing the way Jake gazes at you with intense yet adoring fondness as he strokes the back of your head gently with his fingers playing intermittently at your strands. “I’d love to cuddle with you more than anything, but I feel a little tired, sweetheart. Plus it feels nice to hug you like this. What if I fall asleep?”

“Then sleep. You deserve it. Besides, you’ve been working for over two hours." You reassure him, smiling softly as you see how his eyelids are getting heavier with each passing second. You lift your head up for a bit to place a tender kiss on his lips before murmuring. “I love you, Sim Jaeyun.”

Jake smiles lazily against your lips, and just before you can pull away, he cradles the back of your head with his palm and presses your lips into his, kissing you deeply. The kiss feels sensual yet so innocent, his lips moving with yours tenderly in an unfamiliar dance, but soon enough, you feel something hard poking your lower abdomen that has you gasping softly into the kiss. Just like that, the last traces of sleep dissipate as his kisses begin to feel ravenous in the way his lips devour yours, utterly insatiable.

“Jaeyun,” You utter his name breathlessly as he pulls away from your lips, only to be startled when he switches position before you find yourself leaning on the beanbag with your legs being forcefully spread by his frame, barely giving you time to process the change of once tender atmosphere when he leans down and captures your lips in a kiss that demonstrates his desperation for you.

“Change of plans, sweetheart,” Jake rasps against your parted lips as you pant for air. He gives you no opportunity to recover from the nearly heated makeout session when he moves down to assault your bare neck with his ravenous lips, kissing and sucking your skin that forms a new hickey while your breaths become rapid with breathy moans leaving your lips as you buck up your hips, causing your clit to throb incessantly at the sensation of his hard bulge grinding directly at your clothed cunt.

“Are you not tired?” You manage to ask breathily despite your head spinning with desire for this insatiable man. You feel his hand moving underneath the material of your shorts and panties while your heart pounds harder in anticipation as his fingers nearly reach your throbbing clit.

“I’m feeling rather famished for something else,” His husky voice sounds heavenly in your ear, and there is an unmistakable desire in the cadence of his voice, borderline ravenous, that you feel giddy at the thought of him devouring you until you are reduced to nothing. He pulls away, only to meet your eyes and smirk down at you as he sees the utter want in your pretty eyes. His smirk melts into a soft grin for a fleeting moment, murmuring gently. “I love you more, my sweetheart."

Loving Sim Jaeyun is so easy, and you always find yourself falling in love with him over and over again. He is annoyingly mischievous at times, but he never does anything to upset you and tries his best. Even when you have already known that he is the most volatile with his emotions and his past diagnosis with borderline personality disorder, your love for him only grows as days pass. Although you also trust the other guys, you find it most comfortable to confide in Jake about any concerns, just like how you did back in Seoul.

As for sleeping arrangements, well, you don’t really have one with them, but on some nights Jake abandons his own bed just to head over to yours and sleep with you with his head on your chest as he listens to your steady heartbeat, simply because he wants to make sure your heart remains beating. You know that he fears losing you, and so it has become a habit for him to listen to your heartbeat whenever he lies on top of you, anchoring himself to you to reassure his paranoid mind that you’re real.

After Jake’s appointment is Sunghoon’s, but instead of you taking charge in planning leisure activities for the two of you, Sunghoon takes an insistent initiative, as according to him, he has been planning this surprise for weeks now, even before your settlement in the mansion.

Though Sunghoon is confident that you will love the surprise, he can’t lie about how nervous he feels, facing you as he carefully guides you to the awaited location of the surprise with his hands gripping yours, albeit the surprise is in the mansion itself, while your eyes are wrapped with a blindfold.

“Hoonie, this is so silly.” You remark with chuckles leaving your upturned lips, your eyes unable to see anything but the warmth of his hands providing you comfort, and his firm reassures you that he wouldn’t let you walk into a wall or bump into any object. “Why must I wear a blindfold when I could just close my eyes instead?”

“Because knowing you, you’d attempt to peek,” Sunghoon counters knowingly as a smirk touches his lips at your lips jutting into a pout. He intervenes before you can even make another comeback at him. “Don’t ruin the fun now, princess. Besides, we’re almost there. Just a few more steps.”

Sunghoon stays true to his words, because just a few more steps, you find yourself stopping in your tracks at the same time he does. He slowly lets go of your hands while you are shortly occupied by a fresh scent of something so familiar yet unfamiliar as it infiltrates your senses. “Okay, you can remove your blindfold now.” He instructs gently, his eyes remaining fixed on you.

You do as he told you, your fingers curling around the blindfold before pulling it down. Your eyes immediately adjust to the luminance encompassing the entire place, and after blinking for a few more times, your breath hitches in your throat at the pleasant surprise of his.

“Sunghoon…” You are at a loss for words, and maybe you are being melodramatic, but you can’t deny the whirlwind of emotions within you that threaten to overwhelm you. To others, the surprise is probably not a big deal, but to you? This has to be one of your memorable surprises.

For once, Sunghoon is unable to decipher the emotions swimming in your eyes and your impassive countenance—are you happy? disappointed? Or are you even surprised at all? He has no fucking clue, but the tension in his nerves becomes tenfold as he waits impatiently for your utterance. He desires your approval and satisfaction, and if he fails at pleasing you, it also means that he fails at being your lover.

“I know it’s not the surprise that you expected it to be,” Sunghoon finds himself needing to explain, albeit in a ramble, as the persisting silence from you unnerves him, but little does he know that you are simply occupied in admiring the sight before you. He tries his best to be subtle, but the nervousness in his voice is painfully evident in his ears. “I mean, you’ve already seen the library at the palace in Seoul back then, and the libraries we’ve been to in Milan are monumental, so this is probably nothing much.”

Sunghoon is silenced by your lips slamming into his parted ones with your arms thrown over his neck to pull him down just slightly, and he instantly wraps his arms around your waist, kissing you back with equal fervour, but there is a shared tenderness as your lips move against his slowly. Before you can get too carried away, you pull away from his lips, managing a soft, toothy smile at him while he swears he is falling in love with you over and over again. 

“You have no idea how much I love it. Thank you so much for the surprise,” You say with utmost sincerity and gratitude that has his heart swelling. Your eyes soften as you see a rare display of his vulnerability in his eye, prompting you to place another kiss on his lips. “I love you, Park Sunghoon.”

Sunghoon feels like he’s on cloud nine at the irrevocable love and devotion in your beautiful, sparkling eyes as you look at him. All the hours he spent planning and designing the entire place to make it look similar to the one in Seoul, as well as his efforts in working together with the contractors, are all paid off. He would do it again just to make you happy like this.

Sunghoon feels a tug at his wrist before looking down at your hand. “Explore the library with me.” You say in a demand that has him breaking into chuckles before letting you navigate the library on your own with your fingers intertwined.

Even though the mansion’s library is not as monumental as the one in Seoul, it still looks beautiful and royally elegant with its interior design and opulence. It makes you feel like you’re a real princess with your very own royal library. So how can you not love his surprise and him? 

No matter how tough and callous his demeanour is, you have always known that he is a softie at heart as you observe his every nuance before noticing the tip of his ears turning red, eliciting soft chuckles from you. The fact that Park Sunghoon, who you once knew, was never a man of romance and gifts, gifted you a place where you can explore different genres of fiction books that are filled to the brim on each shelf and read to your heart’s content is more romantic than he thinks.

Now, when it comes to Jay’s, you lack ideas of what to do and how you intend to spend the entire day with him, but fortunately for you, Jay loves to take charge and to be the one who plans your dates, not wanting his angel baby to think and worry incessantly. Apart from spoiling you with gifts, planning dates is part of his love language too.

Initially, you assume that he will be bringing you out to a more fancy date, but when he tells you to dress up in proper safety gear, you have a strong inkling that he will be bringing you out to a ride somewhere, and so you do as he tells you, donning black jeans and a leather jacket over your tight-fitting tee. 

The next thing you know, you are perched behind him on his motorbike with your arms wrapped around him for security as he speeds on the broad road where there are towering boulevard trees on each side of the road. 

You have no idea where Jay intends to bring you, but you trust him and his plans. Besides, you don’t mind riding all the way till night as you get to be this close with him, and so you enjoy this much-needed closeness with your arms hugging him tight enough that has him smiling behind the dark-tinted visor of his helmet. Turns out, the date not only includes bringing you out for a ride, but also exploring a street where you have never been as well as dining at a restaurant for lunch and trying out delectable pastries.

After the whole food adventure, Jay resumes bringing you for a ride with a fixed destination he intends to head to, and soon enough, you find yourselves entering a nearly empty yet broad parking lot with the beautiful orange hues of the impending sunset as a backdrop.

“So what are you planning on doing, exactly?” You ask with keen curiosity as you remain seated on his bike, your eyes following his movement and watching him as he presses the record button on his phone screen that is set up in a tripod stand, which he retrieved from your thigh bag.

Jay pushes up his visor to meet your eyes, and you see the way his eyes soften amidst the optimism. “I had this idea for a while now, and I’ve decided to capture moments of us on camera often from now on, whether they’re silly ones or not,” Just by the shape of his eyes alone, you can tell that he is smiling. “Because I want to show them to our child in the future; at least the glimpses of our love and dynamic.”

Your heart beats in a cadence that sounds symphonic in your ears while your eyes widen slightly at his statement. “Jay….” Your voice trembles with emotions with tears prickling in the corner of your eyes before you blink them away. You already know that he has the intention of marrying you one day, but to hear the two words of ‘Our child’ from his mouth hits you in the gut in a good way.

Jay’s chuckles through your helmet’s intercom send you butterflies all over as he extends his hand to you. “Come here, angel. We should say hello to our baby.” He beckons you over, and you proceed to dismount his motorbike before gravitating towards him and placing your hand on his, only to be startled when he swiftly pulls you in for a back hug and faces his recording phone. “Hi, baby. This is your parents.”

You can’t help but let out a laugh at how awkward the introduction was. “That’s not how you're supposed to do it, babe,” You tell him in between chuckles as you look at him with crescent-shaped eyes while he narrows his eyes in return. You redirect your focus on the camera and wave your hand at it. “Hi baby! This is Mummy!" You add a little yet dramatic flair to your introduction before gesturing your hand to Jay behind you. “And this is Daddy! We can’t wait to welcome you and hold you in our arms one day!”

Soon enough, the flow feels natural as you and Jay continue to give content to the recording camera—yapping off, teasing, and chasing after each other around the parking lot that is within the camera frame, and just being yourselves around one another without caring that you two may look like idiots in public, but at least no one is around. Plus, you get to see a new playful side of Jay.

After another round of chase, the two of you return nearer to the tripod stand while you pant lightly from all the running and laughing. Jay faces you, and as though you understand his telepathic message, you step a little closer before throwing your arms around his neck at the same time he hoists you up, prompting your legs to lock around his waist. 

You are too caught up in the moment to notice that the timestamp nearly reaches fifty minutes with a rare, vulnerable intimacy wrapping around you and him as he gazes fondly into your eyes. “I love you, Y/N Kang.” He says, his voice sounding deeper and slightly muffled, and you initiate the helmet kiss in return before breaking into fits of giggles. Just like that, the two of you end off the first content that will be saved in a folder for your child in the near future.

Finally, the long-awaited day to spend alone time with Heeseung beckons, and it starts off with you dragging him to the newly furnished arcade room that has been ready to use since two days ago. Since the other guys are also out of the household, you plan to spend the entire day playing with him to your heart’s content.

You are not a fan of arcade games, really, but you can’t deny the thrilling rush of competitiveness as you challenge Heeseug in a race where the two of you are now at the motorcycle racing simulator. But just like the previous games, you can see how he deliberately loses against you, as though he is letting you win when you know it yourself that Lee Heeseung hates losing.

You have no idea whether to be annoyed at him for letting you win so easily or not, especially whenever he innocently shrugs his shoulders or grins boyishly at your accusatory glares, but the undeniable flutters you feel in your chest are all you need to know that you are falling head over heels for him again.

“I know that you’ve been losing on purpose, but can you please not go easy this time?” You implore him with your fingers intertwined as you stand in front of the two basketball machines.

Heeseung simply smirks at you as he slowly releases your hand. “As you wish, my love. Just don’t sulk when I win.” He acquiesces, and the confidence exuding from him fuses the competitive tension in the air around you as he rolls his shoulders to the back before pressing the start button simultaneously with you.

As soon as the balls drop, you waste no time grabbing one and launching it into the hoop before doing it repeatedly despite missing the net. You can’t help but take a glance at Heeseung, in awe at how he is doing it with ease yet expertly and the fact that the balls he launched managed to swish through the net while maintaining a cool demeanour.

You can’t even be mad that by the time the countdown eventually stops, you have lost against him with a huge difference in the scores, because damn it, your man looks distractingly attractive in his competitive element. Even he has been aware of your eyes on him almost throughout the game.

“You didn’t even try to win, love,” Heeseung chuckles as he grabs you by the waist and pulls you to him, his dark eyes drinking in how you look prettily flustered under the intensity of his gaze. “Was I too handsome for you to find it hard to look away?”

Warmth weaves across your cheeks as you smile bashfully and nod your head in response. His eyes soften with adoration for you, but there is something else present in them, as though he has more to say to you in his mind. A fleeting hesitancy flickers in his gaze before he leans in to place a chaste kiss on your lips while cradling your face with his thumb stroking your cheek tenderly. “Where to next, my love?”

In response, you break into a roguish grin before grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the arcade room. Not too long later, Heeseung finds himself strolling around the outer part of the stupendous mansion with you, his fingers intertwined with yours while he listens to your rambles attentively and gives his remark whenever appropriate. Honestly, he doesn’t mind spending the rest of your day like this, as it is what he needed after not being able to have more time alone with you except sleeping with you in his room at night because over the course of weeks, he had other important matters to deal with.

Soon enough, the two of you are seated on the water fountain ledge, which is situated in the backyard, with you yapping off nonsensically until an abrupt silence from you draws Heeseung’s attention. The loss of your warmth as you slip your hand from his prompts him to look at you, his eyebrow raising as he becomes intrigued at the stark mischief written across your features with a devilish smile on your lips.

“Beloved, what are you doing?” Heeseung asks slowly, his sharp eyes watching you with scrutiny as you remove your sandals before rising from your seat and dipping your bare foot inside the water fountain. Eventually, the lower region of your white dress is completely drenched, with the entirety of you now in the water fountain. “Sweetheart, you’ll get cold─”

In a blink of an eye, Heeseung feels an instant yet abrupt chilling sensation hitting him in the face, but wet before quickly comprehending that you just splashed a handful of water on him, rendering him nearly drenched with his white shirt visibly soaked and his hair wet. 

That was definitely done on impulse, but you meant to do it anyway. You can’t help it with laughter leaving your lips, even if there is a chance he is pissed at your playful antics. You splash water at him again, but he abandons his seat and turns to you with a scowl on his handsome face, and yet the corner of his lips twitches into a menacing smirk.

“You’re so gonna get it, pretty girl,” Heeseung growls out at the same time you let out a squeal, unrelentingly marching towards you as he is now in the same fountain as you, unbothered by the water soaking the untouched part of his clothes. 

Your gleeful shrieks and laughter echoing in the air create a euphonious symphony of pure delight that is both infectious and dear to him as he wholeheartedly entertains you, chasing and splashing water at you the same way you do to him.

“Don’t let me catch you, love,” Heeseung says, stopping midway as the two of you decide to take a moment of respite from the battle in the fountain, standing further apart opposite each other. “Or I’ll devour you like a predator does to its prey.” He grins deviously as he takes steps forward, intensifying the trepidation in you that propels you to jump over the ledge.

The chase prolongs even when the skies are painted in dusk, and you are now running barefoot and trying to elude Heeseung, but the latter seems to be guiding you in an unknown yet intended direction that eventually leads you further away from the backyard. Nevertheless, you play along, because being with Heeseung always seems to summon your inner child to come out.

Something nudges you to turn to the right, and you do, but your pace decreases and your smile falters, feeling mildly confused yet intrigued upon seeing pavement of cemented flagstones that seem to lead you somewhere with the beautiful hedges of greens and flowers on each side. 

The chase with Heeseung has long been forgotten in your mind as you become immensely intrigued as you continue to advance forward, your feet stepping on the cold flagstones while Heeseung follows you from behind quietly yet stealthily with his hands tucked in his pockets, his features softening with unmistakable fondness.

Your face contorts into confusion as you begin to notice glowing radiance that flows faintly through an unbarred entrance with embellishment of elm leaves all over. Your steps hasten, feeling an undeniable sense of keenness at what may await you, and before you know it, the sight before your very eyes knocks the breath out of you. 

Your eyes go wide while your lips go parted, in complete awe at the beauty of this seemingly secret garden that you had no idea existed. The adornment of fairy lights hanging intricately on the towering tree branches above you encompasses this newfound wonderland, making it appear as though you have entered a magical realm. 

As you venture just a little deeper, you begin to notice some child-friendly amenities in some parts of the area: swings that are authentically crafted from slabs of wood for seats and affixed with thick ropes that are tethered to the stout branches, an impressive treehouse that looks sturdy with a scoop-designed slide, a cute playhouse painted in beige, and mini wooden benches.

The rustle from behind you pulls the trance that you are in, drawing your attention to Heeseung, who has been observing you with fond eyes, and you find yourself being rooted to the ground. “Heeseung, what….” You can’t seem to articulate your feelings that are jumbled into words while cacophonous questions clamour in the confines of your mind.

Heeseung briefly assesses your surroundings rather meaningfully as he ambles forward. “It isn’t much yet, but I do have plans on adding more amenities that are safe and fun for our kids in the near future.” He divulges the surprise he has been preparing for a while now.

You remain silent, feeling a whirlwind of emotions within you that threaten to sweep you away, and your heart continues to pound harder against your chest. He meets your eyes, and for the first time, his coolly collected demeanour cracks with the subtle yet sheepish smile unfurling on his lips as he rubs his nape. “I had some help from the guys and a contractor friend of Wooseok to come over to supervise the final condition of the amenities for safety reasons, but I crafted and assembled the swings on my own. Besides, it’s my idea in the first place.”

Your heart swells with so much affection as he takes pride in his hard work in the way he speaks confidently and takes the rightful credit. Just then, something clicks in your mind as you recall. “Is that why it was always so hard to see your face on most days since two weeks ago? Because you were busy planning and working on this beautiful wonderland?” You ask, your voice trembling with emotions.

You can’t lie that you are on the verge of bursting into a torrent of tears even though your waterline is void of tears as you think about how hard he has been working that even on the nights you slept with him, you noticed faint lines of exhaustion on his countenance. It deeply touches the depth of your heart, most especially when he thought of your future kids.

His eyes soften as he notices the way yours seem to glisten yet so beautifully under these fairy lights. “Yes, and it was all worth it for our future kids.” He says softly, his hand cradling your face with his thumb stroking your cheek tenderly. “I know it’s way too early to build a fun sanctuary for our kids, and I’m not even sure if you ever want kids, but that’s okay because this place is for you too. You can come here anytime and whenever.”

“I do want to have kids with you, Hee. More than anything.” Emotions manage to seep through the crack in your voice as you look into his eyes with unconcealing sentiment. You place your hand above his and lean into his touch, not realising a single teardrop manages to escape the corner of your eye as it rolls down your cheek that prompts him to wipe it away with his thumb. “Thank you for your hard work and this beautiful gift for our kids.”

Heeseung smiles in return before dipping his head and pressing his lips into yours, kissing you slowly with a careful gentleness, but you can feel his love pouring into the kiss as you reciprocate. You don’t even complain when the kiss lasts shortly as he pulls away first before resting his forehead against yours, basking in the serenity and tender intimacy that wraps around you.

“I love you, Y/N Kang,” He whispers affectionately before placing a kiss on your forehead. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened in my life.”

“I love you too, Hee,” You reciprocate, your eyes roaming around his chiselled yet beautiful features and burning them into your memory. You grab his hand and tug at it, a silent permission of wanting him to follow you around to explore. “Can we─”

“Of course, we can.” Heeseung says with a warm smile before you proceed to drag him with you, your pace and demeanour displaying exuberance. 

You begin your exploration in every part of the beautiful sanctuary with unbridled enthusiasm while Heeseung only watches and chuckles fondly at you, but he is attentive enough to prevent you from potentially falling or hurting yourself when you climb up the treehouse to explore and try out the slide or when he pushes you as you sit on the swing. You even carve out your initials on the tree trunk just below the treehouse with him, as well as the date, wanting it to be a permanent engraving for your future kids to see.

“Thank you for today.” You break the comfortable silence as you are now lying on the ground with him, facing the starry night with your head resting on his arm and attached to his side, seeking each other’s body warmth despite your still drenched clothes. You adjust your position, turning your body sideways to face him with your arm hugging him comfortably as if he’s your bolster. “I love everything that you have done, and…”

Your words become mushy as exhaustion begins to dawn on you, eliciting a chuckle from him, seeing the way your eyelids are struggling to stay open. “You can go to sleep, my love.” He murmurs, stroking your cheek gently as you drift off to your dreamland. It isn’t long until Heeseung is tempted as well, facing you with his eyes closed and his arms cocooning you, sleeping under the glinting stars.

But of course, just when you think that everything is all well and good, you receive texts from your best friends in Seoul to remind you of the monthly FaceTime tonight, and that is when realisation hits you that they haven’t been informed of your established relationship yet. You also doubt that Jennifer told them because if she did, the other two would have already bombarded your notifications.

Though you have no reason to fret over the outcome of revealing your relationship to Wonyoung and Karina since they were understanding and giving you advice a few months back when they were here, still, you can’t help with your overthinking mind of the worst possible outcome, worrying that they may not be as accepting as Jennifer.

“Hey, babes,” You greet your beautiful best friends right after they accept your call. You decide to settle in the living room, seated on the floor with your back rested against the large sectional sofa and your laptop on the coffee table while the guys are nowhere to be seen.

You try your best not to sound nervous, mustering a small smile at your best friends on your laptop screen. Jennifer must have noticed it first in the way she looks at you with knowing eyes while her pink lips twitch into a faint smirk.

Just when you intend to give her a glare, you are interrupted by Karina, her tone sounding astonished. “Girl, is that a whole new living room I see in your background? It looks massive.” 

“Since when did you move into a new apartment?” Wonyoung asks with genuine curiosity, her eyes narrowing at you with the slightest suspicion that has you swallowing your spit hard.

“The thing is, I’m living with the guys now, and it’s permanent,” You go straight to the point without beating around the bush as you want to get this over with. You curl your fingers into fists to prevent them from trembling while your resolve is teetering in the way your pupils shake, feeling unnerved by their unreadable expressions except Jennifer’s. “Which also means that I’m in a relationship with them. Yes, the four of them all at once. We’ve been together for three months or so.”

There is a pregnant pause with a rather painful silence emanating from them, as though they need some time to process this revelation, and you wince visibly, only to be taken by surprise at the positive change in their countenance.

“Details, Y/N! You know we love details, especially the juicy ones!” Karina demands in a whine, her sharp eyes displaying genuine interest that has your frayed nerves allayed. “There is absolutely no way you’re getting away without telling us how it happened.”

You groan out half-playfully as you rub your face, because as much as you want to, it feels repetitive to let them know what you told Jennifer back then and the fact that you have to rack through your memory. “It’s a long story.” 

“Summarise it for us, then.” Wonyoung is just as insistent as Karina, their eyes displaying impatience and expectation, and you know that you cannot refuse them, and so you begin to divulge to them, albeit keeping some details concealed.

“I mean, if you are happy with them, then we’re fine with it,” Wonyoung gives her conclusion as soon as you finish, and while you are more than glad that they’re accepting, you become easily distracted by four familiar yet handsome figures sauntering into the living room. “But tell your boyfriends that if they ever hurt you again, we’ll hunt them down and chop off their dicks.”

“Wony!” You exclaim, appalled and in disbelief by her warning that is uttered calmly while her face displays no remorse for the vulgarity that left her mouth, but more importantly, the guys heard her loud and clear, as evident in the look on their faces.

“Yeah, you heard that, guys?” Karina adds fuel to the fire as she quickly grasps the embarrassment on your face that your lovers are in the same room as you. “You’ll have us to deal with again if you dare to hurt our precious Y/N.”

“I can assure you that they wouldn’t do anything to hurt me,” You affirm assertively despite the warm temperature persisting in your cheeks as you ignore their amusing gaze on your face. “I’m sorry to cut our FaceTime short, but I’ll catch up with you girls in our next session. Love you.”

After bidding your goodbyes, you close your laptop, still refusing to meet their eyes. “Well, that certainly was something.” Jay speaks up, and you can’t resist looking at him just because of the attractive drawl in his voice. Your cheeks flush even more as he smirks at you, leaning against the wall with his arms folded over his chest. 

“Sorry, they’re still protective over me,” You tell them sheepishly as you rise from the floor and gravitate towards them, unable to resist the magnetic pull before Sunghoon grasps the first opportunity to hold you in his possession. You look up at him with your arms around his body, your lips forming into a small pout. “But I swear they won’t chop off your dicks. I’ll make sure of that.”

“Of course, you’ll make sure of that, or else we’ll be experiencing another brat moment of you being deprived of our dicks.” Jake remarks with a chuckle, his lips adorning a devilish grin that has you groaning out in embarrassment before you bury your face into Sunghoon’s chest while the rest join in to tease you the same.

“Don’t worry, princess. We’re not in the slightest feeling threatened by them.” Sunghoon chuckles breathily, his hands cradling your face with the sulky pout that remains adorned on your lips to which he can’t resist giving you a smooch. “Besides, why would we feel threatened when we made a promise to always protect and cherish you?”

“I know, Hoonie,” You say softly, your eyes gazing tenderly at him and the others while your heart swells with irrevocable affection and trust. You sigh softly before beaming with a smile, deciding to dismiss the air of melancholy around you. “Anyway, shall we start preparing snacks for our game and movie night?”

With that, Sunghoon whisks you off to the kitchen with Jay trailing behind you while Heeseung and Jake proceed to convert the modular sofa into a reversible sleeper chaise bed that is rather massive to fit six people in for movie night later, and thus your first weekly Friday fun night begins ─ the fun part consists of you preparing snacks and baking last-minute sweet goods with Jay while Sunghoon every so often clings to you and distracts you with kisses, earning him a glare from his best friend.

And so, the remainder of your night is nothing short of bliss, having to spend more quality time with four of your boyfriends at once. You are not even fazed by the fact that you lost four times in a row against time, your laughter being accompanied by their playful banter and finding great joy in being in the presence of the ones who occupied your heart, and before you know it, time flies fast as movie night commences.

The movie that is still playing on the massive television has lost its essence in keeping you captivated as your eyes begin to wander elsewhere. Presently, the five of you are nestled in the sofa with a fleecy duvet shielding your bodies from the cold temperature and pillows supporting the back of your heads, which isn’t necessary for you, considering you are being cocooned in both Jake and Jay’s arms as you are right in the middle, not that you have any complaints.

“This is the happiest I’ve been in months,” You break the comfortable silence, feeling awfully sentimental as tears are wetting in your waterline while a soft smile touches your lips. You look at them, noticing their eyes attentively on you with equal fondness. “I’m glad that you all didn’t give up on me, even when you thought that finding me would be impossible.”

“Well, we have Sunghoon to thank for that,” Jake murmurs, his hand reaching up to cradle your face while Jay soothes you with an affectionate rub on your tummy. 

“Why are you tearing up, my love?” Heeseung asks gently, drawing your attention to him. Just the tenderness in his eyes is enough to make you burst into a rivulet of tears, feeling overwhelmed by their unconditional love, but you hold back the dams.

“I’m just happy,” You manage to utter, your voice trembling with emotions while a tear escapes the corner of your eye. “Thank you for loving me.”

“No, baby, thank you for accepting us back,” Jay insists softly as he grabs your hand and places a kiss on your palm, a gesture of affection that always has your heart flutter.

“You do know that you’re not stuck with us forever, even if you decide to change your mind?” Jake chuckles breathily, pressing a kiss on your temple, but you are no fool to dismiss the darkness that belies his light-hearted tone.

“I would love nothing more,” You say with a smile, baring your heart and soul, which are theirs to cherish forever. “I love you guys.”

“We love you too, princess,” Sunghoon reciprocates, and with a few more words exchanged mindlessly, the animation on the bright screen is forgotten and neglected, and soon enough, the five of you have inevitably drifted off to the same dreamland.

▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰

In the serene confines of your room, the gradual evening sunray filters through your window, painting delicate tapestry across the ceiling. Humming a familiar tune, you sift through your wardrobe, your eyes and hands meticulously searching for the dress you had prepared and ironed three days in advance.

A delicate smile touches your lips as soon as you find the dress before grabbing it with your fingers, careful enough not to crease the ironed fabric. After slipping on the dress, you exit your wardrobe, and the way you move with grace has got a certain someone hypnotised as he stands by the doorway before deciding to watch you in a silent admiration, leaning sideways against the frame with his hands tucked in his pockets.

But you are too preoccupied to notice his presence as you are seated in front of the vanity mirror to apply the appropriate make-up that is not too glamorous but enough to enhance your features. Completing the touch with a cherry red lip tint and your favourite perfume, you move over to the full-length mirror to marvel at the final transformation with a small satisfied smile on your lips.

The black dress holds a blend of elegance and allure as it accentuates your contours perfectly while the low-cut flaunts your cleavage with the familiar platinum ring necklace resting delicately below your clavicle. You decide to let loose your natural locks as they cascade down your shoulders. Just when you think you are ready, you forgot about a pair of earrings that Jay gifted you last night.

The whole process of beautifying yourself probably took an hour, but it is a necessity since tonight is a little special. Unfortunately, it is not a date night, but rather, Jay’s company is hosting a private event tonight, and the rest of your boyfriends, including you, are part of the exclusive guests ─ of course, having been personally invited by Jay himself.

Initially, you refused to go even after being relentlessly coaxed by your boyfriends, but you couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in Jay’s eyes any longer, and so you begrudgingly agreed. Your intention is to be a good girlfriend and moral support to your boyfriend. Plus there will be free food and drinks.

As you examine yourself for another time, your eyes trail to the figure decked out in a black blouse with the sleeves rolled up to his veiny arms that also display his tattoos, who has been standing and watching you by the doorway with dark, attentive eyes.

“Jay, you scared me.” You chuckle nervously as your heart continues to beat erratically, watching him in the mirror as he ambles towards you with his dark eyes looking as though they are about to devour you whole. “How long have you been watching me?”

“For a while now,” Jay admits nonchalantly, his dark eyes scanning you from head to toe appreciatively with a tinge of fondness, but there is an unmistakable lust swirling in them, affecting you right in the core. “You got me fully mesmerised, baby.” 

Your breath hitches in your throat as soon as Jay stops directly behind you, leaving no space in between your bodies as his warmth melds with yours. You watch him silently in the mirror, his hands abandoning your hips to wrap around your waist, which feels like a sensual hug in the way his body is feeling you up and his dark eyes flicker to meet yours in the mirror.

“You’re in the mood,” You point out rather breathlessly, feeling dizzy at the intoxicating fuse of his strong cologne and his body heat. With his lips pressing down on your shoulder, you can’t help but melt against him as you tilt your neck to allow more easy access for him to assault you with sensual kisses. 

“Babygirl, I’m always in the mood whenever I’m around you. How can I not be when you look truly exquisite?” He says lowly, his husky voice igniting the heat pooling in your core dangerously and his warm breath hitting your skin. He presses one last kiss on the sensitive spot on your neck, eliciting a mewl from you before he returns his dark gaze to the mirror with a suggestive smirk playing on his lips. “You have no idea how badly I need to ruin you now.”

“Jay, we can’t─” You gasp softly at the sensation of his prominent bulge pressing into your bums that intensifies the heat pooling in your core. Your pulse drums in your ears while your eyes follow his tattooed hand sliding down your tummy, heading straight for your throbbing heat. “You can have me after the event or tomorrow. Just not now, please?” “I don’t think I can wait that much longer, angel baby.” Jay smirks, seeing the emotions in your hooded eyes contradict your words and your staggering breaths as his hand gets closer to the intended journey, but too caught up in the nearly blissful erotica that wraps around you like an intoxicating haze, you fail to realise another figure entering your room.

“So this is what the two of you have been doing,” Sunghoon accuses with a disbelieving scoff, and yet amusement is evident in his tone, prompting you to switch your position to view both of your dashing lovers better. “Might want to reconsider fucking around. Our chauffeur is arriving anytime soon now, so we better get going─”

The moment Sunghoon lays his eyes on you, he stops dead in his tracks while he feels his throat going dry at the gorgeous sight of you. He quickly recovers himself, clearing his throat. “Damn, princess, you look─” His heart races at a ridiculous speed upon seeing the shyness written all over your beautiful face, and he can’t seem to find a fitting word to describe your divine beauty, utterly speechless.

Despite your shyness, you flutter your curled eyelashes at him in a sly manner. Sunghoon recognises before meeting his eyes that seem to darken with a familiar desire. The corners of your lips curve into a small yet mischievous smile as you fiddle at the fabric of Jay’s collar mindlessly. “I believe that the word you are looking for is beautiful?” You say so slyly, and fuck, Sunghoon feels undeniably turned on by you.

Sunghoon takes two steps forward before extending his hand out to you. “Come here, princess.” He orders, and there is a discernible crack in his voice mid-sentence before he covers up with a cough, but not quick enough as he sees the way you break into a fit of chuckles while Jay watches the entire thing with a smirk.

Sunghoon lets out a frustrating sound between a growl and a gruff, displaying his impatience and annoyance in the way Jay is still teasing him with a smirk on his lips, whereas you seem to join the latter as you take your sweet time in moving towards him and accepting his extended hand.

Sunghoon catches you off guard when he takes a big step forward and wastes no time in grabbing your hand firmly before pulling you into him eagerly while you let out a startled squeal. He dives straight into your neck, unable to stave off the temptation, and places a lingering kiss on your skin. His desire becomes tenfold as your sweet yet exquisite perfume hits his nostril.

You gasp softly as he nips at your skin, and you arch your neck submissively to him on instinct, fluttering your eyes closed at the pleasurable sensation of him kissing and licking your neck. Your clit throbs once again when he presses his body against yours with his arms caging you, making you feel his prominent bulge.

“Maybe we should ditch the private event. I’d rather spend all night buried into you,” Sunghoon nearly growls out his words, his voice gravelly deep, and it feels like he has no intention of letting you go anytime soon.

But thankfully, you still have some rationality left in you. “Sunghoon!” You gasp at his words before attempting to push him away but fail miserably when you melt against his warmth. You sigh softly, leaning your head on his shoulder. “You know we can’t. It’s important for us to be there for Jay.”

Jay shoots his best friend a smug look while the latter rolls his eyes in return. Sunghoon reluctantly pulls away from you, but not before giving you a peck on the lips. He smirks down at you. “If you say so, princess. But the offer still stands even after the event, yeah?”

Before you can retort, another pair of footsteps can be heard outside of your opened door, prompting the three of you to look at the incomer. “Hey, guys. We really need to get going. Our chauffeur has just arrived, and Heeseung is waiting downstairs─” 

Jake pauses abruptly at the same time he barges into your room, and unlike Sunghoon, he continues to walk slowly towards you with his widened eyes fixated on you despite the fact that he is speechless, utterly in awe of your stunning beauty. “Holy fuck, sweetheart?” He says so breathlessly.

“Jaeyun,” You utter his name softly, your lips curving into a smile while your eyes soften at the way his features soften with a familiar sentiment as he examines you with clear appreciation. You feel Sunghoon’s arms loosen around you, as though he is permitting you to go to Jake, and so you naturally gravitate to him.

“My beautiful girl, you never cease to amaze me.” Jake breathes out in awe as soon as you stand in front of him, but he seems to be examining you for another time, as if the woman in his view is indeed a goddess. His Goddess, damn right. The warmth of his palms feels comforting as he cups your cheeks. A chuckle escapes you when his face twists into a playful scowl, but the possessiveness glinting in his eyes is not lost on you. “I’d hate for the others to look at you when you’re dolled up gorgeously like this.”

Jake captures your lips in a kiss, a short-lived one, and yet you can feel his burning desire even after he pulls away, but his lips remain grazing against yours, sending shivers down your spine. “Maybe I should hunt down and kill whoever dared to glance in your way after the private event.” He says softly, and you have no idea whether or not his words were meant to be playful.

“You look handsome, Jaeyun.” You compliment him earnestly as you marvel at his striking handsomeness, decked out in a suit similar to Jay and Sunghoon’s while his hair is gelled to the back with only a few strands falling over his chiselled forehead. The butterflies in your tummy are practically fluttering intensely as you look at your three lovers to appreciate their handsomeness for another time. “You all do.”

Before Jake can go in for another kiss, Jay’s stern voice cuts through the air. “Alright, let’s get going before we have another love fest here.”

“Fuck fest, you mean?” Sunghoon chuckles as the four of you proceed to depart from your room while you walk hand in hand with Jake, his warmth encasing you.

“You’re not entirely wrong, mate,” Jake shoots Sunghoon a mischievous grin, whereas Jay shakes his head, but a small smirk plays at the corner of his lips. Jake looks at you, and this time, you can feel his heated gaze that is burning with insatiable hunger for you as he licks his lips. “Our wife looks delicious enough to be devoured right here and now.”

“I’m not your wife yet, Jaeyun.” You remind him for the umpteenth time with a short huff, and yet it affects you just the same as you feel your cheeks warming rapidly the same way your heart races.

Initially, when they started to refer to you as their wife, every wire in your system went short-circuited, and you had no idea how to react. Sure, the five of you have been heavily involved in a serious discussion about tying the knots with you legally and officially in the near future, and the guys were determined to make it happen, but to you it was too soon for them to be referring to you as their wife and throw the term around so carelessly.

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re going to be our wife.” Jay adds nonchalantly, draping his arm around your shoulder while you remain hand-locked with Jake. Despite shooting the three men the same glare, you can’t ignore the tension that has been building up ever since they came into your room.

You release a shaky breath as you decide to focus on the view in front of you, but it turns out to be a mistake, because one moment you’re descending the stairs, and then the next, you lock eyes with the only lover who hasn’t seen you until now.

Your breath gets stuck in your throat as you shamelessly examine him from head to toe. The all-black ensemble fits his toned physique perfectly, and his black hair is neatly parted so his forehead can be seen. Your heart swells with love as you see the familiar ring necklace that rests below his clavicle. When your eyes return to meet him, you swear you can feel your womanhood clenching with arousal as you notice the way his eyes darken with palpable desire despite the nonchalance in his demeanour.

His dark eyes continue to greedily drinking you in even as you finally stand in front of him. A soft smirk ghosts on his lips momentarily before he gives you a small smile and extends his hand out to you in a gentlemanly manner. “Shall we, my beloved?” Heeseung asks gently, even waiting patiently as you slowly unclasp your hand from Jake’s to take Heeseung’s, only for him to press a kiss on your knuckles while he maintains eye contact with you. “You look breathtaking, pretty girl.”

“Thank you,” You mumble, feeling utterly diffident as you are now being surrounded by four deadly yet dashing men, even though you have always been surrounded by them 24/7. You hope that your palm is not sweating just yet from all the nervousness as you busily cast Heeseung a small smile. “You look handsome, Hee.”

Heeseung reciprocates with a dashing grin before he begins to assist you on the way to the chauffeur, with the three musketeers following closely behind you rather protectively, as though posing as your bodyguard. Your eyes sparkle with fascination upon seeing the view of the sleek black stretch limousine parked directly outside of the entrance door, waiting for you.

As though the routine is rehearsed, Sunghoon takes the initiative to open the door for you before Heeseung assists you inside, to which you bend down your height slightly as you proceed to walk in. Your lips part open, and your eyes widen at the luxury of the entirety of the interior of the limousine, nearly bumping your head if it weren't for Heeseung’s hand cradling the back of your head before you continue to move further in until you finally settle on the leather seat.

For some reason, you resort to silence as you watch your lovers settling in, hyper aware of the previous tension that has resumed its course in the enclosed space. Your heart hammers harder as soon as Sunghoon sits next to your right while Heeseung is on your left. Not too long after, the limousine begins to accelerate, and the guys proceed to converse on a topic you don’t understand.

But the tension remains, thickening every second that has you finding yourself suffocated. It doesn’t even help that the intoxicating mixture of their strong cologne has your head spinning while you attempt to repress your burning desire in the way you squeeze your thighs together. You bite down on your lip harder, feeling your cunt throbbing with incessant need. Thankfully, you brought your emergency make-up kit so you can reapply your lipstick on your lips again.

However, throughout the ride, you fail to notice that Heeseung has been observing you from time to time, noticing the familiar pattern in your body language, bringing a discreet smirk to his lips. 

“Pretty girl, what’s wrong?” Your heart skips a beat when Heeseung places his hand on your exposed thigh, and despite the gentleness in his tone, you can discern a familiar deception that has you anticipating both with excitement and fear.

It isn’t exactly that you fear them, but with the thick tension hanging in the air and waiting to snap, the enclosed space of the limousine, the intoxication of their cologne, as well as the predatory gazes at your figure, you fear that the immaculate state of the limousine might turn into a sullied mess.

“Nothing,” You answer him, your voice sounding quiet, and yet it sounds loud to their ears, prompting the four men to exchange looks.

“Don’t lie to me, love,” Heeseung squeezes the flesh of your thigh, a warning you recognise, and yet you feel an unwise temptation to display your defiance to him, just a little, because the desire that is throbbing in every part of you desperately implores you to be released. “Tell me, what do you want?” His soft voice carries an undertone of dark sensuality, and you know that his question is an invitation.

“Speak up, princess,” Sunghoon joins in, adding fuel to the fire as he presses his body against yours, causing your breath to hitch in your throat. He grabs you by the chin firmly enough to force you to look at Heeseung in the eyes, and in doing so, allows you to catch the familiar hunger on Jay and Jake’s features as they also wear the same smirk on their lips. “Tell Heeseung exactly what you want. You know what you want, princess.”

It’s so mean, the way they all seem to be tag-teaming you, and how mean Sunghoon sounds, how Heeseung’s dark eyes are penetrating into you as though he is able to read your twisted mind, but if anything, everything seems to turn you on further, throwing you into the abysmal to the point of no return. Subconsciously, you bite down on your lower lip while your eyes become glossy with terrible need, drawing Heeseung’s attention to your bitten lip.

“I need you so bad.” You shamelessly admit with shaky breaths, feeling utterly humiliated by the knowing smirks they collectively wear on their lips, but you don’t give a fuck anymore. You allow your eyes to roam around his body and bite down your lips once more on purpose, knowing that Heeseung hates it when he isn’t the one doing it. “It doesn’t even help that you look hot in a suit.” You purr with an irresistible seduction that they can never resist.

“You heard her. Give what the wife wants, Heeseung,” Jay says loudly, leaning against the leather seat comfortably with his legs spread open while his clasped hands support the back of his head, as if the view in front of him is a show. “Driver, close the partition.”

On cue, the driver heeds Jay’s command, and in doing so, aids the now heated atmosphere with the partition finally closed. The next thing you know, you are being manhandled and immediately find yourself perched on top of Heeseung, causing your dress to hike up way past your thighs.

-from this point onwards would be the smut part but didn’t get to continue </3

unwritten scene 1 (the smut part in the limousine)

unwritten scene 2:

unwritten scene 3(the ending):

[obvi-the-best-soph]

we're all bound to break. (chapter 2)

alexia putellas masterlist: here requests: here

based on this request: R tells alexia about her parents but makes alexia promise not to tell the team. alexia agrees of r agrees to speak to the team psychologist/ try and improve her eating and general health. either the team find out through social media or listening to r in an interview getting mad/ upset about a question about her parents. r blames alexia for telling people bc she hasn’t told anyone else. alexia comforts her + happy ending

word count: 2,123k

summary: you tell the team about your mami and papa, alexia helps you through it, an interviewer asks a tough question, and you're paid a visit from someone who is less than friendly.

genre: angst/comfort warnings: disordered eating, mentions of vomiting, death of parents, swearing, grief, struggling alone, eating while recovering from an ed, possibly very bad spanish (sorry! i try lol).

chapter 1: here chapter 3: here

a/n: hey! ive had a lot of requests for chapter two of this story, its taken me a while because i didn't really get any requests and i was struggling for ideas, so it has taken a month, but the long awaited second chapter is here! i didn't really follow the request too closely, but I think it turned out alright, hope you do too. requests are always open. <3 :D

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“Superestrella, we need to talk. There’s something wrong, and you’re going to tell me what it is.”

You froze. You assumed there were still tear tracks down your cheeks, your eyes still bloodshot, and clearly, Alexia knew something was wrong. But she didn’t seem to know what.

“I- uh- what? There’s nothing wrong. Just… tired is all.” You try to explain, stuttering out an awful and clearly fake excuse. “You look tired too, maybe you should go to bed and we can talk later?”

“No,” Alexia states firmly, sitting down on your bed next to you. “Chica it smells like sick in here, have you thrown up?” she asks skeptically, raising an eyebrow at you.

“Well not really, I think I just ate something bad earlier, it was only a little bit-” You attempt to lie again, but she cuts you off. 

“Stop bullshitting me amor, just tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it,” she says. That’s the thing, Alexia’s a problem solver, a bit like a man, just wanting to fix everything for everyone so we can all be happy with no problems, but she couldn't fix this. Mami is dead. Papi is dead. They are gone. You can’t undo death, no matter how hard you try.

After nearly 20 minutes of back and forth, “There’s something wrong.” “No, there’s not, I’m fine,” Alexia pulls out the big guns, completely oblivious and unaware of how big they are now.

“Superestrella, if you don’t tell me, I’ll have to call your parents and you’ll have to talk to them. Please, just tell me, I only want to help. I hate seeing you so introverted and quiet all the time, I miss your laugh, guapa.”

And with that, the guns are fired, and the dam is broken. You burst into another round of tears, burying yourself into Alexia’s side, head on her chest. Between sobs, you manage to get out the words,

“You can’t help! No one can help! It’s all ruined!”

before falling asleep from the effort of crying and earlier, denial. Now, Alexia is seriously worried.

Alexia lets you sleep on her for a moment before carefully manoeuvring you to lie down and slipping out of your room. Once in the lounge area, she sits down on the edge of the couch, resting her elbows on her knees, face in her hands. Her thinking position, because she was thinking pretty fucking hard right now. What on Earth had happened? What had gone wrong to make her happy, giggly, pestering Superestrella, so- so…. Broken?

Finally, she decides to call Mapi, she knows that Mapi was out late celebrating last night too, and is probably also dealing with a killer hangover, similar to Alexia’s currently, but she deems this important enough to warrant a call.

The phone rings three times before a very croaky-voiced, tired, and generally-recovering-from-being-completely-plastered sounding, María León is heard;

“What Alexia?” 

“Mapi, sorry, I know now probably isn’t the best time, but… it’s Y/N, she-”

Before Alexia can even get a word of an explanation in, a now far more awake and alert sounding defender is cutting her off, clearly very worried, “Chica? What about her? Is she- is she okay? What’s wrong?”

That morning, it was organised that at training in a few days, Lucy, Keira, Alexia, Mapi and Ingrid would sit you down after training, and you would talk.

It’s been a couple of days since the Champions League final, most members of the team are still on the winning high, while others are starting to settle a bit, but today is the first training back since the big game. You go about training as normal, struggling your way through it with next to no will to live and an empty stomach, but when you’re in the locker room, Alexia taps you on the shoulder. You two haven't spoken much since the other morning after her night of celebrations.

“Hey, a few of us just want to have a quick meeting with you before we go today, sí?” she says, her tone softer, more gentle, than usual. 

You nod awkwardly and finish changing before heading to the meeting room Alexia had told you to meet at, only to find 5 of your teammates sat there, watching you like you’re a Porcelain doll that could shatter at any second, and that was slightly true. 

“Um, hola Todas?” (Hello everyone.) you say with slight suspicion, eyeing them one by one as you slowly sit down in a chair at the long glass table. There’s a collective murmur of “Hello”s in various languages before it goes quiet again. Alexia speaks up first;

“Superestrella, we’ve all noticed something is wrong, and we just want to help. Truly, that’s all we want. You are usually all sunshine and rainbows, but recently you have been walking around like you have rocks in your pockets and a storm cloud over your head. Por favor niña, déjanos entrar. (Please girl, let us in.)” she says in a slightly pleading tone, the other women are all looking at you sympathetically. 

“I- nothing is wrong. I’m just… uh… tired! I am tired. We have been training a lot recently so I haven’t been feeling the best recently! That’s it. Si. Estoy cansada. (I’m tired.)” you reply quickly, desperate to get out of here and back into bed so you can continue wallowing your sadness and grief, alone. 

They all give you soft, yet slightly unimpressed, looks of ‘Come on. We all know that’s not it.’

“Chica-” Mapi starts, but she’s cut off by Lucy’s thick accent,

“Y/N please, let us in. You know we would never judge you or anything like that, we just want to help, as Alexia said. Teammates are here to support you off the pitch just as much as on it.”

“Yeah, what Lucy said. We love you like a little sister, Y/N, and we’re worried about you.” Keira adds. 

A collective nod and hum of agreement spread through the room. You sigh. It was getting harder and harder to pretend. 

“I- ugh. Okay. Fine. There is something wrong.” You finally relent, the lump already forming in your throat, the familiar glass returning to your eyes. The 5 women around you perk up a bit, glad you’re starting to open up, even if it’s only a little.

“What is Cari? (Cariño- sweetheart.)” Ingrid speaks up for the first time, her accent thick as always. 

“It’s… it’s my parents.” They frown. They knew how close you were with your parents, especially your papa, so what could be wrong that has to do with them? You close your eyes and take a deep breath, tears falling silently down your cheeks, you’d gotten good at crying quietly, preparing to voice the words aloud for the first time. To make it all real.

“They- they’re- they- died. Dead. Gone.” you open your eyes to find 5 women staring at you in horror, eyes wide, mouths open, and sympathetic looks from them all. But it was Alexia’s face that made the tears fall, she was the only one who knew how you really felt, who truly understood. It was her arms that you felt around you first, she didn’t say anything, she just held you for a while.

After a few moments, you spoke up again, your voice a little more steady this time.

“It was 2 weeks before the Champions League final. I got the call from the police back in (your hometown), they- they were driving home from our match, there- there was a drunk driver. The driver hit them at nearly full speed, they- they didn’t survive the impact.” 

The horror on the women’s faces only grows, Alexia’s grip on you only tightens. 

It’s a good few minutes before anyone says anything else, and the one to speak up this time is Lucy.

“Oh god Y/N, that- that’s awful. Why on Earth didn’t you tell us? We would’ve helped you, supported you-” her tone, growing slightly frustrated and upset, is cut off by a firm pat on the thigh by Keira, telling her to cool it a bit, the defender going quiet.

“I- I didn’t tell you because…. Because I didn’t want you to pity me, to treat me differently, and you guys already worry about me enough, so I didn’t want to add to it right before the final. And also… I just- I just couldn’t say it out loud. Not then. It was too soon…”

That conversation or “meeting” as it’s now referred to, went on for a long time, feelings were discussed, tears fell, hands trembled, and eventually, you and Alexia were left to go home, and you felt a whole lot lighter… possibly because it had been 3 days since your last meal, or possibly because you had finally confessed your secret. 

When you arrived back at the apartment, Olga was anxiously waiting there for the two of you. During the meeting, the subject of your eating had come up, you had confessed to skipping meals and intentionally not eating, and agreed to try harder to fuel your body the way an athlete should. Clearly, Alexia had shot Olga a text or something before we arrived, as there was a bowl of your favourite sitting, waiting on the table. Eli’s (Alexia’s Mami.) homemade paella and blue Powerade. Gently, Alexia sat you down at the seat in front of it and sat next to you, she put the spoon in your hand and made you eat a few bites, and then she just slipped into conversation with you, a random conversation, about school and friends and the new set pieces, etc. And before you knew it, you had been so distracted that you had eaten the whole bowl without even thinking about it. It felt… good, being full that is. Alexia smiled softly when she saw your small smile and took your plate up to the sink, before sending you off for a bath and a nap with a kiss on the forehead. 

A couple of days after the whole ordeal, you were asked to do an interview. Where you would be talking about the Champions League final, what it was like to score both the goals for Barca, one in the last few minutes too, how you celebrated afterwards as you were not allowed in the changing rooms, but worst of all, a question you weren’t expecting, weren’t ready for, 

“So Y/N, everyone is very familiar with your papa, your biggest fan, often seen wearing your jersey and waving his flag, but he was not spotted at the final, we were just wondering, is he okay, or just sitting somewhere else?” The interviewer asks with an unknowing and innocent smile. 

You have to swallow the lump in your throat before you can respond, you manage to keep the smile on your face, and voice steady (barely). 

“Oh, yeah, no. He, um- Unfortunately he wasn’t able to make it.” You say with a curt nod and ever so slightly pursed lips, the interviewer getting the hint not to pry any further on the question.

That night, you were curled up on the couch, laying across is, your head in Alexia’s lap, crying… again. You hadn’t been prepared for that question. It had scared you, Alexia understood, she knew how hard it was to talk about it (from personal experience), especially if you aren’t aware the subject will be brought up. Alexia whispers soothing Spanish words, her nails scratching your scalp calmingly, when there’s a knock at the door. 

Alexia frowned and looked at the clock, it was 7pm, not usual visitor time, no one was meant to be coming around, Olga was out of town with friends… who was it? She carefully moves your head from her lap and kisses your forehead before going to answer the door, as she walks over, you prop yourself up on your elbows a bit to see who it is.

The midfielder opened the door to find a woman standing there, she was young-ish, probably younger than Alexia, mid-twenties maybe, but rather… uptight looking. At first, you couldn’t see who it was, the woman and Ale exchanged a few words before Alexia stepped aside, you and the woman now having a clear view of each other… 

Your expression changed quickly, features hardening, eyes narrowing, jaw clenching. You practically jumped off the couch in anger, stomping up to the woman, and standing very close to her. With a cold look and tone, you spoke to her;

“What the fuck do you want to take from me now, tía (aunt)?” you spat the last word like it tastes fowl in your mouth… 

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a/n: i hope you enjoyed it! if you are wanting a third chapter, please don't just say "chapter 3 pls" or something like that, please give me actual ideas or requests in my inbox. kind critisms is always welcome too. thank you for reading! 😊💖

tag list: @multifandomlesbianic

[bubblegumgothglados]

A guide to the creation of a doll

(that’s the name of the story this is not one of my guides)

Introduction

Creating a consciousness from scratch is a complicated procedure, in humans this process takes decades and is arguably never complete. Although we have learnt to reverse engineer this process we still have very little understanding of how it actually works. But we do know this; consciousness has to be built from the ground up.This guide will briefly outline the steps necessary to take a budding mind and walk with it through its journey to full consciousness. This is a process that takes years, each "chapter" in your dolls life will require a new body made for the purpose and will take at least a month as the mind grows to fill its form. This undertaking should be seen as no less serious than having a child. This guide talks about seven chapters which is the minimum required to build a mind capable of independent thought and tasks.

~

Overview

This guide will go into finer detail later on but this is a brief explanation of each step.

~

Chapter 1

This chapters is about the doll learning the basics of controlling its body and becoming aware of you; its creator. A proper body for this chapter is that of an infant human. This body should have a battery life of only a few hours and should feed directly from your own magics, thus creating dependency. The minimum requirements to move to the next chapter is that the doll cam grasp things on purpose and indicate when its battery is low.

~

Chapter 2

Your dolls new body should have enough muscle mass to crawl and eventually stand up but shouldn’t yet have the capacity to walk. Your doll should be improving its spacial reasoning and language skills. It should still require you to help it recharge its battery.

~

Chapter 3

Your doll should begin walking, and talking in one word phrases, moving into short sentences. Your doll should be able to begin charging itself as well as doing basic maintenance on itself. Now is a great time to introduce it to what will become its primary function, it need not be able to perform that function but ideas about usefulness and obedience are important.

~

Chapter 4

This chapter is about book learning, if you would like your doll to be smart, educated, and well spoken this is the time to start. It should also continue to develop its find motor skills and if you would like, independence.

~

Chapter 5

If your doll is going to be sexually mature this is the stage in which it should be given a body with those functions, not for use yet just the outward aesthetics so it can begin to get used to the idea. It would also benefit greatly from introduction to other fully functioning dolls so ideas of obedience and helpfulness can be cemented.

~

Chapter 6

This is the second from last chapter and at this point your doll should be almost fully formed in mind and body. This chapter is for fine tuning.

~

Chapter 7

The capstone, this final update seals the doll to its body and grants it true sentience. After this point changes to its body and mind will be incredibly difficult so be sure you’re ready. The hour or so after this final update is absolutely crucial, whatever your doll experiences in this time will define it for the rest of its existence.

~

You close the book with an audible *thunk* far too much nervous energy is coursing through you to focus. Not that you need to, you have a dozen books on the topic and know almost all of them by heart.

"MOMMOMMOM!" your doll bounds into the room.

"DAUGHTERDAUGHTERDAUGTER!" you call back only slightly mockingly, smiling at it. As you look into its emerald green eyes with its glittering golden flecks you think 'damn i did a good job making those, glass blowing is such a bitch of a craft to learn too'. With a start you realize your doll has been talking and you zone back into the conversation.

"And the biggest frog likes to sit on the big rock and headbutts frogs who are trying to sit there when it goes for a swim but it wont headbutt the lil baby frogs it just walks right over the top of them and the lil baby frogs don’t seem to mind and that much and," it continues on as you falter under this barrage of information on the social lives of the frogs living in your pond. Its such an inquisitive little thing, it knows almost as much as yoh about dollcraft having devoured every book you own in it’s thirst for knowledge. Although, not so little any more. Its in its twelfth body now with only the capstone left to go. You think back over the last ten years fondly, four spent crafting the bodies, six guiding your doll through the chapters of its existence and teaching it important lessons in morality and consent. All leading to tomorrow; the final transferal, the capstone and that all important hour.

"Mom?" Shit, that was a question, you mentally rewind the conversation looking for context...

"Yes my dearest, i promise your froggy friends will recognize you in your next body, just like they recognized you when you swapped to this body and the body before that. Your new body is laying on the bed, you know its only slightly different."

"Yeah mom i know. I’m just worried about the transfer.... Mom, why don’t i have a purpose?"

"As I’ve said every time; your purpose is to be my daughter."

"Because your real kids grew up and had their own kids."

"Yes my dearest, as you well know."

"I love you mom."

"I love you too, can you please make me dinner?"

"Yes mom."

An hour or so later you’re eating the dinner it prepared for you listening to it talk once again about the social lives of various animals in the pond. You’re only halfway paying attention, your mind wandering between preparations for tomorrow and reminiscing on the past. As you watch it chatter you think fondly of its fifth body which didn’t quite reach your waist and was made of much sturdier material than this one. Even back then it was a boisterous excitable little thing, although the voice was much squeakier. You think of the differences between the guided advice and what you've done. You think of the years spent teaching it ethics and morality. Of making sure it had both a guiding hand and the freedom to explore and expand on its own. You stifle a giggle thinking of its budding sexuality, it thinks you don’t know and you’ve been very careful to not interfere with this normal and vital development, but you can read the signs.

"And that’s why i think Mr. Turtle should have a friend!"

"A well argued position dearest, ill see if i can find a Mrs. Turtle for him, then there'll be lots of turtles."

"Muuuuuooooom gross!"

"Ohhh hush" you smile fondly at it "come lets pack this away and watch a movie whilst you recharge."

A little later you’re both on the lounge watching one of your dolls favourites. Your thumbnail is clutched gently between her porcelain teeth, her silk lips resting gently on your thumb. This was one thing you never changed, it still draws its power directly from your lifeforce. You think of its first body, so tiny and wriggly, made of cotton as to be soft and cuddly for you, not much more than a plush toy. You think of its next body, a hundred different materials woven together with circuitry and spellcraft running its many complex functions. The movie has a singular kissing scene and you feel it tense as the protagonists smooch.

"Does this still make you uncomfortable dearest?"

"Its weird watching this with my mom," it squirms a little in emotional discomfort.

You just giggle.

Soon the credits roll.

"Its time for bed dearest, tomorrow you’ll wake in your final body!"

It doesn’t reply.

"I know you’re nervous but everything will be fine i promise."

"Yes mom, I love you."

"I love you too, now into bed lets start the process."

It lays down and you kiss its forehead tenderly before initiating the transfer out of this body. Motes of light drift lazily from its head through the air into a nearby vessel. You hold its hand as its mind leaves its body, and when its body goes limp you place its arms gently by its side and begin your final preparations.

~

I remember laying down that night and feeling myself leave the body, just as every time before my senses shut down one by one. First sight, the world loosing colour and going dark. Then taste and quickly after, smell. Then hearing, complete silence for the first time in months. And finally touch, the feeling of my moms hand holding mine is the last thing i remember.

Then I wake up, senses coming online in reverse.

First touch, wait why am I being touched, why am I being touched like this, this hurts, I don’t want this-

Then hearing, I can hear heavy breathing and grunting, ohhh this hurts so bad, where is my mom why isn’t she saving me, is she okay is she hurt whats going on, this hurts-

Then smell, it smells like,,, it smells like mom when shes been working in the garden. This feels bad, this feels wrong, why is this happening to my body, why-

Then taste, its moms fingers,,, mom-

And finally sight, and I see what I’ve been dreading, what I knew but didn’t want to know. I see my mom raping me.A moment later I gain control of my voice and muscles and I start trying to fight her off.

"Mom please why are you doing this to me?" My voice is breaking and I sound pathetic even to my own ears. "Mom stop I don’t want this."

"LIMP," She says, and The word has power, my body betrays me and I stop fighting.

"SILENT," and I can no longer speak.

"PLEASURE," and I orgasm whilst being aplit apart by my mums cock

And in that moment I realize, this was always going to be my purpose. She wanted a doll who knew the ethics of sex and sexuality so it would know why consent is important. She wanted a doll who loved her so deeply and thought she loved it so the betrayal would be real. She made no mistakes in my creation, she wanted this to hurt, she made my cunt too small to fit her. She spent a decade crafting the perfect toy to rape and that toy is me. And I realize this is my all important capstone hour 'whatever your doll experiences in this time will define it for the rest of its existence' as the guide says. And all I can do is cry and take it as the realities of my existence sink in.

[pankielovesfan]

The Prime Shimmer breaks Fan's code and that's really cool

I've recently thought more about just how incredibly important The Prime Shimmer IS to Fan's entire story and character, and about breaking apart from the show and helping him put in effort to improve. Even if this was already established and said countless times, I've started to understand it even deeper when I think about it more sooo I wanted to write this out

As the core part of Fan, he loves the show and all its characters. Everything he's ever known and been surrounded with has been related to it and he loves Inanimate Insanity very much and is practically made of that admiration. However, the first time he comes in contact with something from outside the show, it's the shimmer egg. Something he clings to desperately.

The fact that the egg is the first thing he's interacted with that isn't part of the show means a lot to his character, considering how he immediately attaches to it, takes care of it, and values it so deeply. As said by Fan himself on his blog - before he had the shimmer egg with him, he didn't even know how to care. It shows just how significant the egg is for Fan's development in so, so many different ways for representing his path in life. Not sure how to work this into it, but he's mentioned how the egg also helped him feel less lonely.

When he meets them, the way Fan treats The Prime Shimmer in the show is very unique to his character and has always been... so different. He's typically very disconnected from other people, especially with how he's supposed to be a "viewer" for the show, and experiences little to no empathy or care for others because of his love for inanimate insanity as a show, and how he claims to not even know how to care at first. The finale really highlights his feelings for the aliens. He immediately seeks to help them find their other lost child, prioritizing them over his own interests. He really really cares for them, for Fan standards.

All of The Prime Shimmer is so incredibly influential for him to recognize in this way. He actually puts in effort for others instead of sticking to old habits like he does, and I think his general feelings for them are what drives Fan toward progress since what he feels for them is outside of Inanimate Insanity. It's the main hope for Fan's improvement as a person, and I'm very glad Test Tube can still represent that feeling of "being outside of the show" because she came to save him from the ship if that makes sense, she's a part of this to some extent for him. Its lovely.

There's something so beautiful about Fan feeling so much love and protection for the entirety of The Prime Shimmer, creatures that are so removed from the show, something he wasn't made to love or care for. It makes it feel very genuine, caring for it in a way he doesn't care for the other contestants. Through caring about something outside the show, he also learned how to care about Test Tube and recognize her as separated from it, seeing her as an actual person which he rarely can do for many.

It's so fun how Fan can just always tie back to themes of change. Fan, notoriously inflexible and stubborn, allows himself to perceive change and opens his mind to that development to protect the lives he's learned to care for. Starts crying. i think this guy will be the end of me

anyway thanks for reading my insanity.. Fan is willing to try for the prime shimmer which can extend to other people he cares for yay

[onskepa]

Stxeli: Trust

Helloooooooo~!! Here is another part of the ongoing series! Hope you all enjoy~!!

Stxeli series

--------------

Trust is one of the main important elements in a person's life and in the overall society. Trust helps gain and benefit from others by mutual trust. Trust creates long lasting relationships, no matter the type. Trust is as strong as a stone, but fragile as glass. One wrong move and the trust is gone, one right move and its stronger. 

And sometimes, trust takes a long time to develop. Just as it can quickly grow. 

There really is no between. 

It has been some time now since Jake has joined the clan. Learning their ways and even speaking better, heavy on his english accent but better. His hunting skills are improving, but much better than his first day. His relationship wih the villagers has also improved greatly. Many have come to like him, sharing their honest words to their leaders. 

Even neytiri has come to enjoy his presence. Would often look forward to spending the day with jake. 

This leads to mo’at and eytukan having to think very long and hard about what their next move is. 

Is jake trustworthy enough to meet their child? 

Mo’at can come up with millions of excuses to not have the dream walker see her precious child. But at some point, it has to happen, if jake is to become part of the clan, the seeing stxeli is inevitable. 

She just wishes there were other ways. 

“And then you add just a pinch of this aaaaaaaaaaand tada~!!” stxeli proudly shows kame how to make instant healing glue should he need to heal an injury fast enough. 

“This still needs work, I recommend doing this for small cuts, I plan to make this glue be a replacement to stitches” stxeli explains. 

Kame claps his hands in amazement. 

“Incredible, it also shouldnt hurt as much right?” he asks. Stxeli looks at the glue then back at him. 

“No….?” she says in more of a question. 

“No?” he repeats. 

“Well, that is the goal. I have seen so many go to my sa’nu and get help. I know she is tsahik, but when I help, I see many get stitches. And those hurt a lot, but it's to help with their wounds. So, to help them without causing anymore pain, I want to make a special glue that can help! Still needs work though” 

Kame listens to stxeli, his eyes stare with adoration at her goal. What she wants to do to help with their people is very inspiring. In kame’s eyes, stxeli is kind, very creative, maybe a bit too obsessed with the yovo, but stxeli is just simply amazing. 

That is someone kame loves to have around. And being around her lifts his own spirits up. 

“I still need to make lots of adjustments but! I like to think I am on the right path” stxeli says happily. 

“Are you going to show it to the tsahik?” Kame asks. Stxeli slightly frowned. 

“Not so soon. I still need to figure out how I want it to be. I won't show it until it's ready” she answers. 

“But if you tell her, maybe she can help you make it better,” kame suggests. 

True, her mother is an expert and can look at any plant and instantly know what it is and what it does. 

“Yeah, but she has enough to deal with. Im gonna figure this out, so, promise not to tell anyone?” stxeli stares deep into kame’s eyes. 

“Yes, I promise. You can trust me” 

“He has tamed his ikran today” neytiri informs her parents. She looks over at Jake as he retells his recent victory of having an ikran of his own to the other na’vi. All seemed very interested in his overly exaggerated story. 

After a huge success, it called for a huge feast. Everyone gathered to celebrate his accomplishment, now there is only one last step to take. 

Well, more like 2 steps in this case. 

“He has to meet stxeli before he can complete his iknimaya” eytukan says suddenly. 

Mo’at, neytiri, and tsu’tey all turned their heads towards him. Shocked that he said that. “Eytukan, you cannot mean that” mo’at says, fear crawling in. 

Jake isn't ready, he will never be ready. One look at her and its over. 

“If he is to become one of us, then he must meet our daughter” eytukan affirms. 

Neytiri switches places, now sitting to her father’s left side, “sempu, jake sully is growing but this, this is too much to demand. What if he hurts her?” 

The olo’eyktan turns to his daughter, “you spent more time with him than any of us combined. As his teacher, you see how he progresses. You shall give the final judgment”. 

All eyes were on neytiri. 

Mo’at silently pleaded with her daughter to say no, tsu’tey felt the same. But eytukan remained neutral. 

Neytiri looked up to see the soft glow imitating from stxeli’s little nook in the tree. If they could, they would keep her baby sister hidden forever. But this is about mutual trust. Jake has given his all, it's only fair they do the same. 

“Jake shall meet her” 

Kame was making his way back to his home after a playful evening with stxeli in her little nook. Supervised of course. But it was fun nonetheless. She even gifted him some of her better version of the healing glue. 

“To heal long scratches,” she said. 

He will use it wisely. Kame also promised to take note of how long and how well it heals should he get hurt. 

“Little boy” a female voice called to him. 

Kame turns to see an elderly woman. Her body and hair are adorned with various beads, unique clothes and a head piece that oddly resembles something a tsahik would wear. Not that kame takes a closer look, this woman has more items decorating her than tsahik mo’at wears. 

“Hello child” she speaks again, her smile trying to be soft but kame can sense something is not right. 

“Hello…” he responds. The need to leave intensifies. 

“Easy child, I bring you no harm. My son teaches you” the lady tells. 

Kame tilts his head, “your son?” 

“Tsu’tey, he speaks very highly of you” 

The lady is tsu’tey’s mother then, still doesnt help in easing his nerves. 

“The vile you have, is it to heal?” she asks as she gets closer. Kame wants to back away, but this is his teacher’s mother. Would it be rude and disrespectful if he moves away from her? 

Kame gently touched the vial that held stxeli’s healing glue. 

“Why?” he asks, a bit defensively. 

“If it is to heal, may I have it? My poor son comes home nearly every day with bruises, scratches, even deep cuts from all the training and hunting” the woman explains with some sense of true worry. As a mother should for her child. 

“But nearly every day I see him go to the tsahik so she can fix him. Even her youngest daughter helps” he said. 

It was quick, despite how dark it is, kame caught a sneer from the woman. Her face back to being a false happy smile. 

“Hm, yes. A tsahik’s duty is to help those in need. However, my son comes home still in pain, even after visiting the tsahik….” 

Kame was not liking where this was going, he felt a bit of anger rise within. “Are you implying that our tsahik does not do a very good job at healing tsu’tey?” he snaps. 

“Oh I know mo’at is not doing very well at healing, much less being a good tsahik” 

If stxeli was here, no doubt she would bite the face off of this woman. The audacity! The boldness she dares say! 

“If I were the tsahik, I would make sure not only my son, but everyone leaves the tent free of pain. Wouldn't you agree?” she pushed on. 

Kame held the vile tighter, ready to head back to stxeli. To tell her what he is hearing. She would believe him. 

“And I would make sure your father lives to see your iknimaya complete. Unlike mo’at who let your mother perish. Wouldn't you agree, kame?” 

“Are you alright sa’nu? You look like you have a lot on your mind” stxeli observes her mother. Her eyes are heavy with deep thoughts. Usually her parents come with bright smiles and are ready to sleep. Even her father seems hesitant. 

Mo’at shakes her head and easily picks up her daughter. 

“Nothing worth telling you. Besides, you have a full day tomorrow” mo’at says as she boops her daughter. 

Stxeli boops back, but curiosity now takes over. 

“I do? I was gonna play with kame” she says. 

“No, I believe you had enough from today” eytukan mutters as he guides his mate and daughter to their hammock. Mo’at rolls her eyes but gets comfortable. 

“Sempu, kame is my best friend. You have to accept him at some point” stxeli giggles. Seems like eytukan still doesn't like kame no matter how much he proves himself. 

“Bah, when he passes his iknimaya, we shall see” 

Mo’at decides to change the subject. 

“Your big day is coming very soon ma’ite. Are you excited?” she asks. 

Stxeli nods enthusiastically. 

“Mhm! Neytiri is helping me with my new outfit! I wanna look extra pretty!” 

Eytukan and mo’at look at their sweet baby with great love, her big day is coming soon. The day the whole village celebrates Eywa gifting her to them. 

“You will always be pretty, my sweet girl. Eywa bestowed you with potential beauty” eytukan proudly comments. 

“Enough now, best we rest before stxeli here riles up again” mo’at says as she gently tickles her daughters tummy, making stxeli giggles. 

They huddle together, letting sleep take over. 

Jake sits on his wheelchair and he makes his way to his bed. 

“Good news” he says while mid-munching on some food crap. 

“It better be damn good news, fucking lighter won't work” grace grunts impatient as she tries to light up her last cigar for the night. 

Jake boldly took the unlit cigar from her mouth, having her full attention while making sure no one else listens. 

“I gained their trust just enough to meet someone special” he whispers. 

Grace furrows her eyebrow, wondering who. 

“That human kid living among them. Neytiri said it's time I meet her little sister” 

In that moment, Grace's heart sunk deep inside. 

“Here you go sempu” kame gently offers a neon green liquid to his ill father. 

“Thank you my son” his father praises as he drinks the herbal liquid. Kame smiled but his does not meet his beloved fathers. 

Already guilt is eating him alive. 

[forgive me stxeli….I broke my promise to you…] 

his hand reaches for his side, where the vial of stxeli’s healing glue should have been. But it's gone now, he given it to artsute. With the promise from her that she will heal his father way faster than mo’at can ever heal. 

He is doing it for his dad to get better. If that is the case, why does it feel he made things worse…? 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that is it for this chapter! How do you guys like it? Whatchu guys think of what will happen next? lemme know your thoughts!

Until next time! see ya!

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