#and i see people overlooking both things and it makes me ill

[kookidough]

sierra is sooooo complicated to me like. i could go on about her for so long & also i wish the writers did certain things with her character (which i will get into later in this rant) so ya here we go

firstly her childhood is . very clearly messed up?? it’s established that her mother is Ultra Obsessed with chris and i think sierra mentions being a 3rd generation chris mclean scholar at one point which implies that obsession just runs in the family atp😭 before even going on the show she’s grown up in an environment where this level of obsession is Normal so she doesn’t see anything wrong with turning out the same way

since her mother is like . obsessed with chris & stuff that’s probably what would bring sierra to watching total drama in the first place and i personally feel like she’d fixate on it because it was a group of teenagers her age, people she would like to be friends with if that makes sense? i can imagine she’d be a pretty odd child without many friends so that’d maybe be a reason for her to latch onto total drama, maybe why she latched onto cody too because like. she thinks he’s cute and they have things in common (like theyre both pretty geeky) so she gets pretty parasocial about it because, as mentioned before, her mum being obsessed with chris is just Normal to sierra so she thinks it’s normal for her to be obsessed with cody (spoiler alert girl: it’s really not)

while she’s on the show i feel like she doesn’t change / gets worse because chris sees her exhibiting Mental Illness and just… actively encourages her behaviour? and the other contestants do nothing to stop it, like how most of the time (e.g. paris) team amazon get mad at cody for sierra’s behaviour instead of helping him out for some reason??? no one tells sierra her behaviour is wrong so she just. Continues to get worse until shes out of the competition😭

this is where im gna interrupt with a canon divergence because like . personally i think in the episode where votes were revealed and cody was revealed to have voted sierra Every Single Time, sierra shouldve gotten over him!!!! it was the harsh truth she needed to hear, the dose of reality that cody is NOT interested in her and she needs to move on. she couldve had good character development, building her relationships with other characters and showing off her skills. maybe she’d still be eliminated in drumheller because she made cody that birthday cake as an apology and then kaboom or whatever idk just some way to keep her elimination the same

going down this train could’ve made her character in all stars Actually Interesting ! we couldve seen a side of sierra that kept some of her old eccentric vibes but had her head in the game this time instead of being focused on a boy, especially since cody isnt even in that season

and of course lastly i just wanna say i’m not excusing her weird actions or her creepiness at all, she has some Extreme Flaws and all the stuff she did was absolutely not okay, i just like rotting and seeing maybe why she acted the way she did and i wanted to drop my own two cents on interesting avenues her character couldve went down :3 i know everyone in td is some form of stereotype and sierra was an obsessive uberfan but she couldve still been that after getting over cody, in fact im disappointed that she knew SO much about the cast yet didnt use any of their weaknesses to her own advantage, she couldve dominated the competition😭

so uhhh yeah thats my thoughts on sierra, i probably over-read her to filth but shes very complex to me and i wish certain aspects of her character were done differently, she had a lot of potential especially in all stars but um Everyone had their potential destroyed in all stars so i’ll overlook that

[rosecrystal]

To visit list: Some of my favorite places in Italy (Pt 1)

1. Rome (obviously) I actually lived in Rome for 6 years and I don’t think it’s overrated at all, it’s a place full of history and culture and is worth visiting at least once. Also it is huge and there’s always new things to discover no matter how long u spend there!

2. Proximity wise, in the outskirts of Rome you will also find cute seaside towns Nettuno and Anzio. Nettuno (Neptune) is a very pretty seaside small town that is also home to an ancient borgo, making the place pretty magical. Anzio is also very nice, part of it coastline has ancient ruins from Nerone times.

3. Terracina. As you may have intuited I am a seaside lover girl, Terracina is still in the outskirts of Rome and it is home to Temple of Jupiter Anxur, a temple in honor of Jupiter that is very very ancient (there’s only ruins left) that’s on the hill overlooking the city. I thought the temple was quite a magical place when I went to visit and it gave me plenty of positive vibes. The city is also very pretty.

4. Sermoneta. A small borgo in province of Latina, still in Lazio. It’s on a hill and the view is beautiful, plenty of nature, very cute kitties all around, very nice food and very nice people too.

5. Naples 🩵 Definitely worth visiting! Rich in culture rich in food and the people are very lively! Had a great time both times I visited. The second time we also took some guided tours such as seeing an old church where the “skull with ears” was located and seeing the city undergrounds.

6. Tropea. Magical magical place and home of some of the best food I’ve ever eaten (the Calabria region in general I think has the best food in Italy). I don’t think I can even explain it in words Ill just attach pictures and hope you guys get the idea.

7. Scilla. Also incredibly beautiful and picturesque, rich in history and overall beauty, and also you could find friendly cute kittens at every corner!!!!

8. Trani. A very cute city especially during summer! It has one of my favorite ports and also the food was delicious. A nice place to have a drink in the evening, very lively, also I had a great time sunbathing during the day too. I cannot swim and have a bit of a water phobia but I found the sea there very nice so I did take some baths. There’s also a huge park there that I loved.

9. Polignano a Mare. I was just passing through but explored a bit of the town and loved it so much. Very particular coastline and the town is cute, very well kept and the small streets are fairytale like.

10. Alberobello. This place is a gem. It looks like a fairytale setting because the houses (trulli) are built in a very particular way and that is so in the older times they could dismantle the rooftops in order to avoid paying tax. #slay

There will soon be a part two!!!!

[suitov]

Makoto: Thank gods you were there. I wouldn't have known what to do.

Izuru: Your first two suggestions were sensible, if poorly organised.

Makoto: They were? I don't... remember what I said. I was so panicked.

Izuru: You said "Oh no, Junko! Check her pulse! Get help!"

Makoto: Oh, haha.

Makoto:

Makoto: Is... my voice really that high?

Izuru: I am an Ultimate Voice Actor, Mimic, Impostor, Actor--

Makoto: Sorry, sorry, I wasn't questioning your powers.

Izuru: I was not offended.

Makoto:

Makoto: She's... she's really heavy, huh...

Izuru: I can carry her on my own.

Makoto: But I want to help! It's all my fault!

Izuru: In a sense. Your ill luck was involved.

Makoto: Normally I just get some cut or scrape or the bus drives past me or... I've never... seen someone else get hurt...

Izuru: I will carry her. Dry your eyes.

Makoto, blowing nose: Phhhsssbbbpt... sorry... but I'm glad you were there. I knew you'd know what to do. Things're less scary with you around.

Izuru: I am actually very scary and also evil.

Makoto:

Makoto: Yyyyeah.

Makoto: But, even i... even though that's true, if you're with us, then the scary person is on our side! So that's less scary in itself.

Izuru: I see. Mentally assigning me to your in-group permits you to overlook my overwhelming threat level because, to your mind, that threat is directed outward. In this way, pack mentality adds to your false sense of security. Perhaps this is how all real people cope with my presence.

Makoto: You're real people, Izuru.

Izuru:

Junko: Oh my GOD will you just KISS already I've been faking unconsciousness for TWELVE MINUTES!!

Makoto: Junko! Are you okay?!

Izuru: Yes, she has been fine this entire time.

Makoto:

Izuru: She was pretending.

Makoto: A...and you knew?

Izuru: I did not wish to spoil the funny prank.

Makoto: That's not a funny prank!

Junko: Excuse the fuck out of me your face is hilarious this was the best prank.

Makoto: I was afraid you were brain damaged and dead!!

Izuru: She is not dead.

Junko: Listen, if you're so excitable you didn't realise the thing missed me by inches, that's not my fault.

Izuru: The prank is concluded now, yes?

Junko: Since you dense dodos wouldn't frigging make out, yeah.

Izuru: Then I shall put you down.

Junko: I didn't say you could put me down.

Makoto: You both have terrible senses of humour.

Junko: Don't be bitter just cos you didn't think of making him carry you too.

[rabbithaver]

i finally decided to actually write out some of my major headcanons for Silver. i like him a lot as a character and i think people overlook him too much lmao

I genuinely believe that Silver has been decoupled from the timeline completely. This means that changes to the future made in the present do not affect him. He may not remember the specific events of 06, but he absolutely remembers growing up in an apocalypse and frequently has lines that support this in the comics. Him being unaffected by changes to the timeline explains why his personal history has not changed, despite the future being saved multiple times. ALSO, Ian Flynn has confirmed that Silver is not in control of when or how he travels through time -- I believe that whatever or whoever is sending him back and forth is the same thing that separated him from the timeline.

Silver is deaf, pushing about 70% hearing loss. It's not congenital -- his hearing sucks because he's from a timeline where things blew up constantly and he had no hearing protection. He relies mostly on lip-reading and guesswork, but wants to learn ASL when he gets a chance... if he gets the chance. Time is wibbly-wobbly for him. (I should note that this one is personal to me -- I myself am HoH due to otosclerosis and I'm definitely projecting my declining hearing on him lmao)

I know Silver is canonically the exact same height and weight as Shadow and Silver, but I personally don't find that very... likely. All three of these dudes are 3'3" and 77lbs EXACTLY? Nah. Shadow and Sonic, maybe, but not Silver. I headcanon Silver as being smaller and lighter than the other hedgehogs because he grew up in a timeline where food was hard to find, and thus didn't grow as much. He's very scrawny and basically has almost no meat on his bones, but you'd never guess because he's got The Fluff.

Elaborating on the food thing: his relationship with eating is probably totally screwed. Think about it: he spent his whole youth eating whatever he could get his hands on, and he probably had to eat as quickly as he could so he could stay on the move. The idea of eating to enjoy the flavor is like, completely alien to him. He also tends to stash food away for later, as he's not used to knowing when his next meal will be. He does it entirely out of habit, even when food is abundant.

Silver's immune system probably sucks. Every time he goes back to the past, he catches some illness. This is largely because he's not used to the pathogens 200 years earlier, but I also like to imagine this is because he's got some sort of autoimmune disorder.

You cannot tell me this boy does not have asthma. I am aware that this is kind of a fandom in-joke, but it makes total sense. If he grew up in a world of smoke and flames, his lungs probably look like burnt toast. Someone get him an inhaler please.

Silver has PTSD and severe anxiety, both due to his personal history growing up in a hellscape and also because repeatedly going back to the future to find his time in disarray due to events in the present is probably traumatic as all hell. His biggest trigger is most likely building collapse, but I can't imagine he doesn't have kind of a hard time with explosions after the Eggman War. His cheerful optimism and helpful attitude is his effort to deflect from his trauma.

Expanding on the anxiety thing; Silver struggles when he doesn't have something to do. We actually see this in canon in the 2022 Annual story "Future Growth." He has no idea how to function when he doesn't have a mission to focus on. Being in the past with no clear directive is insanely triggering for him and he totally fails to cope.

While I'm talking about his mental illnesses, I want to make it explicitly clear: he is REALLY good at hiding this stuff. His friends in the Resistance/Restoration don't find out about his issues for years, and this is specifically because he instinctually hides anything that could be perceived as a weakness. He's been conditioned to hide any and all weaknesses because it was the only way to survive in the post-apocalypse. Being visibly affected by your trauma is a quick and easy way to get dead, so he simply... doesn't. This kid cannot stop masking his trauma at all until he's literally at his breaking point.

There is no way he doesn't have intense Survivors' Guilt. Going back to the Metal Virus arc in the comics, he's the only survivor of a shuttle crash in Issue #25. All of those people died. They actually died - if they were zombots, they would've survived that crash, but because they were still healthy, they didn't have the ability to recover. Silver probably feels that because he was trying so hard to get survivors to the shuttle, he led those people to their deaths. I specifically am pointing to his dialogue here as evidence of this:

He probably dreads going back to the future. Like, think about it. He's admitted to being lonely (IDW #8) in his own time -- probably because his history separates him from the average person! The only friends he really has are in the past, the vast majority of whom are likely long dead by the time he's born. And while his friends are always happy to see him, I can imagine he has a lot of anxiety thinking about the fact that they inevitably start to associate his arrival with something bad coming down the line. That's rough, buddy.

He's very proud of his ruff and he takes really good care of it. It's super thick and very soft. However, when he's having a rough time, he's not as thorough, and it tends to show. If you know him really well, you can get an idea of his current mental health just by looking at the state of his chest fur. A happy Silver is fluffy, a struggling Silver looks like he was left in the washing machine.

Silver has a really hard time with media that involves apocalyptic worlds. He knows that it's just fiction, but it reminds him of the fact that he's the only one who remembers the apocalyptic hellscape he grew up in. It reminds him that as much as his friends want to support him, they can't truly understand what he's been through; his background is only real to him. It just leaves him feeling lonely and sad, so he avoids it as much as possible.

Silver doesn't sleep well in real beds. Maybe it's just a lifetime of growing up surrounded by an apocalypse, but he has a really hard time getting comfortable in a real bed. For months during the Eggman War, he'd spend hours tossing and turning before finally giving up and curling up on the floor in a corner. It's just not what he's used to at all.

anyway i think about him a normal amount :)

[cannoliparty]

jadekat & why i love it

jadekats this really interesting homestuck pairing to me! i feel like its because both jade & karkat are cool characters on their own, but their great strengths come with great flaws, and their dynamic balances out these flaws so well. it's a strangely underrated pairing too, considering jade is probably the character karkat most obviously flushes for in the comic, next to terezi. ill be explaining why i think this bond is so overlooked.

jade has a variety of strengths. as a witch of space, it makes sense. space is on a more grand level of intuition and clear knowledge on a vast amount of things, leading to space players sometimes not being able to explain the way things are in detail. this vastness also comes with a "wait-and-see" approach, as space is always growing organically, like an organism/plant. as a witch, jade followed through completing time loops with eagerness and a loss of wanting to know exactly why these loops must be fulfilled, simply believing things like fate knew what they were doing, and everything would come into order. shes also very well-versed in science, rifles, childhood cartoons, plants... she does everything she possibly can with the space around her, manipulating it (therefore "manipulating space") to her own will!

on a more characteristic standpoint, jade is socially isolated. shes nice to everyone she comes across (until theyre mean) but she has isolation problems. living on an island alone has made her used to having things done in her own methodical and scientific way, simply because thats the way she believes in. shes at a loss when it comes to chaotic, unorderly things like karkat's memos with his future/past selves! she just doesnt know how to handle it because she's only known how to be in tune with her own thoughts & feelings.

karkat is well-versed in the way relationships are supposed to go. he's watched an abundance of rom-coms and dealed with all his friends as a leader. it makes sense why he's so good at knowing how others feel and how to care for them. the problem is that he doesn't know how to outwardly express his own feelings or care at all. he doesn't know how to approach terezi without fighting with her, but still constantly pesters these people he likes with his angry, nonsensical ways.

when jade and karkat interact in the comic, it's confusing at first. karkat is constantly pestering jade at random intervals of time, and this ruins her ordered way of working around stuff. she develops these "conversation passwords", an intuitive way of staying on the same time track with the trolls. karkat is obviously angered by jade's action, but after realizing jade won't budge about it he goes along with it. in openbound, it's even revealed he used one of these conversation keys as a password for his own memories in a dream bubble!

in the memos with karkat's multiple selves, jade learns not everything can always be so orderly and clear, and this is very hard for her to stomach. she wants to quit dealing with it, but karkat's stubborness makes her deal with these messy, personal feelings.

in summary, jadekat's this great, balanced dynamic. jade teaches karkat to be more open and true to himself and his own feelings, while also getting him out of trouble with ridiculous things like future selves and all-over-the-time-loop conversations with clear solutions to get him back into the big picture. karkat teaches jade to consider the smaller details and how the more orderly paths can't constantly be taken to solve something.

this is all i have right now, i hope it makes sense!! i tried not to connect this to a lot of classpecting cuz i feel like jadekat's mainly about focusing on the very feelings of the characters (whether clear or messy) instead of just connecting them to a grander thing. lmk if u have any thoughts on jadekat or just jade/karkat in general ^_^!!

[melloneah]

6 for geto & 22 for megumi and/or yuuji for the character ask?

HAAAAA thank u for the ask >:3333

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

i Very Rarely relate to characters in shows but i feel like geto is one of the exceptions hehehe i feel like our moral views align in a way which we both tried to believe and do what's "right" without much questioning at first and then suddenly got slapped in the face by the reality of what a 'society' entails 😀 so uh. similar thought processes and experiences during the whole ordeal of discovering the world sucks and there's no way to really fix it (without murder? dshkfsjd) him and i are one and the same minus the genocidal tendencies<33 i also feel like his personality is quite toned down and calm unless he's surrounded by people closest to him, which is very me!!!!!

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

Yuuji

hhghhgf hard question. i basically love it all but ill try to limit myself to one each

i love seeing lonely yuuji that's surrounded by people </33 in general that's such a real, painful, gorgeous, often overlooked aspect of being human, and it's often dismissed in everyday life bc 'U HAVE FRIENDS WDYM UR LONELY!' but anytime i see it written in fic the descriptions and the raw defeat and the pain just hit so hard, and it just matches the character of yuuji SO SO SO well. he's so open but he just Cant Seem To Get Close to people in Any Meaningful Way. oh my GODDDD it hurts So Bad but i adore it. it's my favourite thing to read. and special mention to loner yuuji who isnt surrounded by people too. lonely yuuji has his own reserved yuuji shaped spot in my heart

i feel like i love everything about yuuji's character so it's hard to pick a dislike 😭 i think it's more of a mischaracterisation than an authors creative choice, but i dont love it when yuuji is portrayed as sort of morally grey or slightly mean bc to me that's just not even him anymore sdjfhsdjhf yuuji is a ray of sunshine who does everything to make everyone else feel at ease!!!!!!! who r u writing bc that isnt him!!!!!

Megumi

i love it when fics make him suffer :3 as if we dont have enough of that in the manga........but i truly feel megumi's character is a great vessel to use in order to explore deeply rooted trauma, crises and complex emotions - his philosophy already illustrates that he doesnt blindly follow the objective 'good' and he doesnt see the world as black and white, which points to him generally being more self-aware and thoughtful. i feel like this translates into a sort of 'open space' in his character to freely and deeply explore for example shame, societal pressures, lived trauma, guilt or some internal struggles etc, whereas for example yuuji would probably be slightly more in denial, which would mean the thought processes described would be less direct and harder to explore deeply imo. so basically megumi is the epitome of overthinking and i like seeing him suffer over it :3

for dislikes in fic uhmmmnnmmn. id say making him too sweet/nice/open? in my mind the core of his character is that he's sorta standoffish and distant and mean lmaoo so it's strange seeing him fold immediately and be super sweet; i like seeing the gradual trust building and eventually opening up a bit but still keeping his personality!! but that's just a personal preference and actually now that i think abt it it's not that it bothers me when i see it lmaooo i just prefer the latter

ASK ME THINGS PLEASE I AM ON MY KNEES BEGGING PLEASEPLEPALEPLASEPLASEPLEASE :3

[scarlet--wiccan]

Just out of curiosity but do you read/ hc pietro as neurodivergent? I know it’s a popular hc among fans and there’s certainly some moments that lend to that interpretation (plus I see a bit of myself and my brother in him so personally I hc he has mild autism) but I was wondering if you had any of your own thoughts on it, or for Wanda for that matter?

Yes, but it's complicated. Pietro and Wanda are both characters who spend a lot of time grappling with complex trauma, generational trauma, mental illness, and what are clearly meant to be read as neurological differences. I struggle with many of those things myself, and as a Romani person with an immigrant background, I get a lot out of reading these characters through that lens. It's an intrinsic part of what makes them so human and compelling to me, especially as part of a larger, intergenerational tapestry of mixed-race immigrants and survivors. These issues are a part of our heritages and histories, so I want that to be reflected in the characters who represent me.

I think it's hard to talk about neurodivergence or mental illness-- which, of course, are not the same thing, I just mean that the conversations tend to overlap-- with Wanda and Pietro because this is already, textually, part of the characters, but it's been implemented in really messy ways.

For both of them, their primary mental health challenges and neurological differences are treated as extensions or results of their powers. There is an allegorical element that gets in the way of literal representation. This sort of thing is very common in superhero comics, and I've written about it before regarding transness and genderfluidity. It's entirely possible to still write meaningful and resonant representation, but I don't know if I feel comfortable saying "Pietro is autistic"when the text is saying he doesn't have autism, he has a super-speed-mutation-brain. Does that make sense?

The other problem is that the material that introduced these elements to the characters is really problematic. I'm sure I don't have to explain why House of M is an ableist and sexist narrative, but a lot of people seem to overlook the fact that the depiction of Wanda as a person with specific mental illnesses is rooted in a harmful, ableist storyline. Specifically, the way that schizoaffective disorders are defined and pathologized in Disassembled is cruel, inaccurate, and just unacceptable. That tone is still echoed in a lot of modern comics when Wanda's mental health is addressed.

In addition, I really don't like to put too much stock in the whole "Pietro Maximoff Syndrome" thing from X-Factor. For one thing, Peter David is a hateful, vocal anti-Romani racist, and it is reflected in a lot of his choices with Pietro. While this direction did humanize and justify some of Pietro's personality flaws, I do feel that the tone was overall very derisive towards him.

In Scarlet Witch (2016), Wanda talks about going to therapy and taking antidepressants, and in Quicksilver: No Surrender (2018), Pietro talks about his complex trauma responses in a way that's specifically grounded to the reality of being a severely marginalized person of color. These are the best examples of how their mental health has been addressed-- they bypass the powers and allegory and just allow the characters to inhabit real experiences that actually deserve representation.

That said, it doesn't really represent neurodivergence the same way. I think that's a subject that superhero comics have been dancing around for a long time, but haven't quite figured out how to reckon with. I really hope its something we'll see more positive growth towards, in the future.

[clock-06]

Had a conversation with that same able bodied neurotypical guy from a few months ago except this time one of my girl classmates was part of it.

It started after I left our lab table to go get pain killers and he was like “what’d you just take” and I told him “painkillers” and he asked why and I did a brief explanation of hEDS, ie; so I lack the connective tissue you have so my muscles hold everything together and they get tired and stuff slips, I took those specifically for a rib slipping. And he gave me the typical able bodied look of horror and then the girl in our group is just like “oh yea I took four pain killers this morning” and we high fived and he looked even more terrified. He looked flabbergasted when we talked about our mutual large doses of high strength painkillers it takes to get through the day.

We then go into a conversation about our experiences with pain killers, why we use them, and the shittiest times we have to take them (for her it’s migraines that she gets for an entire week each month where they’re bad enough she vomits) and I’m like oh those absolutely suck I’m sorry they’re that bad and at one point the guy chimes back in with “I can’t remember the last time I had to take pain killers” and we’re both just like :| good for you buddy.

As we keep talking, she reveals that earlier in the month she was in enough pain and delirium that she accidentally got drugged by non-human approved medicine that her mom told her to take (her mom later realized her mistake and apologized profusely). Her dog had gone through surgery and she’d accidentally taken those pain killers for her migraine, and found she was almost physically incapable of moving once it kicked in. She brings up that she thought she was dead once she realized the medicine wasn’t approved and was just laying there unmoving waiting for it. Guy classmate looks like he’s never heard anything worse and is shocked and irked when I sympathize with her.

During this conversation, we bring up the medical malpractice and consistent disbelieving of AFAB patients seeking pain relief. This is something I’m glad to be seeing more stories about online and more awareness being brought to, but it’s a continuing problem in the medical community. And it’s even worse for women or afab individuals of color, as medical students tend to continue to be taught POC are “naturally more resistant to pain” and therefore don’t need pain killers. This, combined with drug abuse stigma, blocks a ton of POC from getting the proper care they need. This problem is only made worse when coupled with commonly misdiagnosed or overlooked chronic illnesses/pain, and it is absolutely disgusting and horrific the amount of people who die or are permanently affected by this kind of malpractice.

TL;DR

Disbelief towards POC and AFAB individuals when it comes to medical situations and pain can and does hurt and kill people. There is a problem with the system which causes many to seek alternative and potentially dangerous treatment/relief, and many people are in enough pain that they will take anything with little question behind what it is they’re taking if it will help them feel better in the moment. Next time someone tells you they’re in pain or you see them take pain killers seemingly out of nowhere, don’t judge them or ask them invasive questions, try to have more empathy and if possible, make things you’re doing easier for them to handle. (Don’t overdo it obviously, but like, maybe get them in a chair with backing instead of a stool if possible or have a place where they could sit when they would otherwise be forced to stand)

[hawkogurl]

in the genuine way possible, Why do you like Raimi verse MJ?

Would like a description of your thoughts.

So I just woke up (I know it’s 6PM I work night shifts) so this might not be as well verbalized as it could be. (Update: I put this in drafts and am now adding to it at midnight but I have had a day so prior warnings apply)

But for me, she’s a nuanced and flawed female character who isn’t given the credit for that she deserves and I think she kicks ass as a result. I don’t need characters I like to be good people, I need them to be interesting. She’s interesting.

But in terms of what people normally hate her for, I don’t really tend to agree for a variety of reasons. The main thing people get on her about is cheating, which is very much true, but that feels unfair when Peter also cheats! And he doesn’t see nearly the same amount of shit thrown at him that MJ does! (Wonder why that is?) Hell, he hits her while he has the symbiote but I barely see people bring it up. But on the note of her cheating, I don’t mind it because we’re given a reason as to why she’s got such bad commitment issues that I find interesting. She grew up in an extremely unstable home with a seemingly chronically ill mother and a verbally and likely physically abusive father. She’s a dysfunctional person for sure, but we as a community are more than willing to read into and analyze far worse behaviors in Peter, Harry, hell, people outright ignore Norman being an abusive father. It’s bs to me that she’s not given the same treatment. Shes someone who grew up in an unstable environment. Shes used to that. Her entire life in her formative years was that. As a result, the way I see it, she either gets into relationships with people who tend to continue not treating her well (Flash and to a degree Harry.) and when she’s in more stable relationships that hurt her less, (like John) I theorize that the reason she does so much to put them in jeopardy is that her, stability with men in her life is always something that has ended inevitably, but abruptly and probably violently. Being the one to destroy a relationship her trauma screams at her will inevitably end with her being hurt again gives her a sense of control.

And on top of that, I find her emotional responses to Peter’s behavior while he dates her extremely human! Sure, she definitely makes mistakes in how she handles it, but I personally absolutely hate the degree to which people ignore Peter’s own mistreatment of her. I’m not gonna claim she did nothing wrong, but people in this fandom have a tendency to remove responsibility or the ability to have done something wrong from Peter. At that point in the movies, Peter has everything going for him. His life is finally going well and as a result of his own inflated ego and the fact the world has revolved around him he sort of seems to forget that she has her own life and her own problems that she wants to be heard and understood and supported through. His ability to do that is one of the things that drew her to him in the first movie and she’s watching him as it becomes apparent he doesn’t really have that anymore. Everything in his life revolves around him and has for years, so when her life problems get brought up and he makes them about himself and remains somewhat unempathetic and so absorbed in his own joy he doesn’t notice how poorly she’s doing, I find it personally hard to deny that’s exactly how I would feel in that situation. I hate that people refuse to empathize with her, or when they do on a surface level they still refuse to acknowledge any blame Peter has there. Hell, I find it hard to deny that I’m irritated that it’s basically overlooked that Peter kissed another woman in front of her face but people will rip her to shreds for kissing another man one time. I’m not gonna say she didn’t fuck up, but I find the way she’s treated unfair and I frankly think the opinion wouldn’t skew the same if she was a man for both of these topics.

I also just like that she’s a person? She has emotions that feel real, she has a life and a career outside her relationship with Peter, she has compelling trauma that informs her decisions. I frankly find her to be a more nuanced and interesting character than MCU MJ or TASM Gwen simply because she feels more well rounded and flawed. They’re better and more likeable love interests, but I frankly think she’s a better character. Everything that people praise in them as something that makes them Better Than Raimi MJ either feels like rather shallow traits or things that feel somewhat misogynistic towards Raimi MJ, a character who they claim they don’t like due to misogynistic writing. No hate to those to ladies, I see the appeal to them and I think people should like them, but Raimi Mj has more depth to me.

In conclusion: To like a character I don’t need them to be a good person I need them to be interesting. Shes interesting. Also everyone in this trilogy, including Peter, is at least somewhat a bad person. So I don’t know why she specifically is being treated with so much less grace other than the obvious reason.

[starythewriter]

KINKMAS DAY 2023 chris Evans x you

you and chris kissed eachother slowly envolping eachother with love. your lips gliding against his. you wrapped your arms around his neck. he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him." i like you too, y/n," he murmured, looking into your eyes."i know," you said smiling, you both got ready to travel to a asgard to meet up with thor.

as you were discussing a very important treaty between all nations including with yours, yours was beyond strong. but recently dark magic had started to spread across multiple nations. "hey love lets meet up in asgard" "alright chris ill see you there I am gonna fix some stuff here in my nation before I head over there"

you overlooked your nation, it was great, but your shields were weakening so you directed things to make sure people were safe. loki joined you "im here Y/N I will watch over while you are in asgard"

"alright handsome let me show you a trick" you pulled out a amazing purple dark rose it smelled just like lavender with a rose mix. he was about to smell it but you gave it to a nearby man and he quickly fell to the floor, but before he could die you destoryed the rose. allowing him to walk free. you cloaked eachother to prevent you two from being seen.

loki was intrigued by your power, he stared you up and down, with love and so much lust. you saw his hot jaw, and his amazing body you gave him a kiss "guard this place for me im gonna give chris a little treat"

you both said your farewells.

you and chris met up in asgard, slowly kissing. he set you down in thors bedroom "relax baby" he took your panties off, slowly kissing your inner thighs as he undressed you. he placed kisses on your chest and stomach, as your clothes fell to the floor. he grabbed you ass squeezing it gently "you look so fucking good babe, i cant wait to fuck you until you I burst inside of you"

he gave you a kiss, slowly swirling his tongue around your clit. he slipped inside you, making a moaning noise as he entered you. you gripped onto his hair as you tried to stay quiet. you didn't want anyone to hear you because they would come and investigate, you . you bit down into his shoulder making him moan loudly. he continued to thrust inside of you, slowly filling you with everythng. soon he reached his climax and came inside you. "oh y/n, i love you so much you're mine always remember that baby" he said as he pulled out of you. "your mine too"

you heard the door squeak and there was thor, he was jealous and angry. but you gave him a kiss. "fuckkk can you NOT?" he said with anger but you kissed his ab making him moan. " relax babes"

you all got dressed up and decided to have a pool party.

THE END.

[cyanocoraxx]

I have a question!! What made you like centipedes and want to keep them? (Or just bugs in general?)

honestly this all started around 8 years ago when i read something that said "we fear what we don't understand"

i realized that i was scared of spiders because i didn't understand them. i was scared of snakes because i didn't understand them. etc etc etc. it's easy to be nervous about something when you think you can't read its behaviour and don't know if it will hurt you. the unknown is terrifying for sure. but here's two examples - that big ass house spider isn't chasing you - it can only see light and dark, it just wants to find a shadow to hide in. that snake likely doesn't want to bite you, but it will if you don't read its defensive signals and back off. when you start to learn things like this, you realize that these animals just want to survive like you, and there's no need to be afraid if you spend a little time researching their body language, how they use their senses, etc etc. they're just lil guys ur honour!

started with some docile tarantula species and over time worked up to where i am now with medically significant wandering spiders, old world tarantulas and obvs a lot of others. it's not always easy and yeah i shit myself when they bolt at mach 5 in my direction sometimes but who wouldn't lmao. that's what a catch cup is for <3 i also jumped in with my first snake, my brazilian rainbow boa, which is known for being defensive and bitey in its baby stage. scared of being bitten? let's try EXPOSURE THERAPY. turns out it's not that scary actually. inti you just look silly and also ur like 1ft long. pls. and here's the thing with all that- they only bite because they're scared and unsure of YOU. you have to show THEM that you're not a threat. so we did some mutual Understanding of each other (him latching on to my hand and me just sitting there quietly) until we both found out that actually, we're not scary. i think that's something special.

so........... centipedes are the latest animal that i realized i still felt nervous about, and guess what - it's only because i didn't feel like i understood them. i heard all these things about how they're all aggressive, nasty, ill-tempered things that just want to bite you. i was a little scared of them, so i just got one at an invert show after speaking to a breeder about their care and started to learn. learned that they're very deserving of respect - especially those with medically significant venom like the dehaani. those guys are a little insane (love u eos but ur a freak)

centipedes are still a bit of a mystery to humans, i think - we don't fully know how far their intelligence goes as not many people are researching their cognitive abilities. but centipedes can be socialized with us to tolerate our touch, some even seeming to "enjoy" being petted as it may make them feel like they're hiding under something warm and dark. some keepers swear their centipedes can remember them. some say they can be classically conditioned to associate a stimulus with something else (i.e. a tap on the enclosure means food is coming). each pede has its own temperament, some are bolty and bitey and some are laid back. i think this is all fascinating. are these worms made of knives smarter than most think? yeah, undoubtedly. we just don't know HOW intelligent yet. how many other animals do we underestimate and overlook?

here's something to bear in mind when interacting with inverts: you're HUGE. you make a lot of loud noises and heavy vibrations when you move. you're unpredictable. you give off heat and smell like salty sweat but you're not food. sometimes you might smell like fruit if you use a body spray. you reach down from above like an aerial hunter. so what are you? an invert with limited senses has all of this to figure out in just a few seconds.. it's no wonder they react so viscerally to us sometimes.

tldr; the thing probably doesn't want to bite you <3

[aortaobservatory]

i love your talks of aspects what can you say / your opinion on doom aspect? im knight of doom

Certainly, I can do an overview of the Doom Aspect for you. If you'd like me to post my analysis of the Knight of Doom, feel free to send another ask! I really do not mind being spammed. I feel as though it is often that Doom is characterized by its inverse aspect the most, as people tend to better understand the intricacies of the Life Aspect than they do Doom (this can be due to personal bias, environment, culture, ect). I also personally feel as though the Doom Aspect is overlooked or simply not understood and thus forgotten about, but that's just the general feeling I have picked up from perusing tags here and there.

Doom is an extremely interesting aspect. The remaining 11 aspects are about growing into your aspect through your class, but "growth" is one of the keywords of Life, Doom's inverse. How does one approach Doom and expect to grow?

From The Extended Zodiac, I pulled these keywords from the Doom Aspect description. These would be the "canon" traits; they are what I adhere to when analyzing, but it should also be understood that this concept encompasses much more to do with than these keywords. Its "vibe", if you will, is much more than what is written.

TEZ Doom Keywords: Suffering, wisdom, empathy, listeners, commiserators, wise, kind, non-judgemental, (bitter, resentful, fatalistic)

I'll admit that I had trouble understanding what the Doom Aspect was supposed to be at first. But as I analyzed it further, it occurred to me that this may be the aspect of those who have trauma, or those who have learned to cope through the bad circumstances they've been given and what they've experienced in life. This aspect may be best understood as an outside force that acts upon the player, or a force that the player themself uses upon others. (See: The Condesce's Alternia; the entire thing reeks of Doom). This is not also to say that if you have trauma, you are automatically Doombound. There is nuance involved, and it is important to keep in mind that an Aspect is the force that is most important in a person's life, whether lacking or abundant, whether good or bad, whether they want it or not. Another aspect may be stronger for an individual, even if trauma is a big part of their life.

It is the aspect of tragedy, but it is not necessarily tragic. It is very easy to fail the Doom Aspect, but those who hold onto it are often extremely steadfast, even if they're only hanging on by a thread. The Doombound may be irate about it, but their suffering matters because they deserve better. As in tragedies, we cry because we know it can be better. For others, it can be spite, spitting at the lot you've been given in life and making the most of it anyways, for what else can you do? Commiseration is quite possibly Doom's biggest theme.

The keywords I chose for Doom are "Acceptance, Compliance, Wisdom, and Sympathy". Acceptance and Compliance may be better understood as "coming to terms", accepting and complying with what is there because it's the only choice you've been given. As well, Acceptance isn't necessarily complacency, but rather an acknowledgement of the reality of a situation, and navigating through it as best as one can from what they have. Doombound are able to offer Wisdom when they see others in similar experiences, Sympathetic because they too know what it's like, but how they go about offering their Wisdom and Sympathy can vary. The Doombound are not growing the way the Lifebound are, often trapped or restricted from doing so.

Doom, being Life's inverse, is also given the symbols of illness, rot, stagnation, decay, and we can see this in both Sollux and Mituna in canon. As poorly as Mituna was handled, he as an Heir of Doom (Passive Embodiment), embodies a lot of mental illness. Sollux as a Mage of Doom (Active Knower) had too much experience with Doom as a whole, and he stagnates heavily because of it, later becoming a ghost, which is quite a literal symbol. I will admit that Doom is one of my weakest understood aspects, and it has been a while since I read Homestuck, so I am unfortunately not as familiar with the Captors' character arcs in canon as I would like to be. I'm very happy to invite discussion! I enjoy hearing other perspectives.

[ed-recoverry]

Glass Children Info & Masterpost

Only recently being recognized as a huge trauma itself, I’ve seen nothing on Tumblr being posted about glass children. And as a glass child myself, which is a part of the reason I’ve struggled severely with mental illness, especially in my early teen years, it can be very upsetting. However, it’s still incredibly popular to view what we experience as invalid and that we should “appreciate we aren’t like them” (which is incredibly insulting to both parties and I hate hearing it). Idk if this will get any notes, but I wish someone told me what I went through is valid and a real thing and I hope maybe this will show one person the same:

Glass Child: siblings of a person with a disability. The word glass means people tend to see right through them and focus only on the person with the disability. 'Glass' is also used because the children appear strong, but in reality are not. These children have needs that are not being met.

The term was popularized and recognized in Alicia Maples’s “Recognizing Glass Children” TedTalk posted in December, 2010 in which she talks about her experience growing up with a severely Autistic brother.

It is important to acknowledge that the disabled sibling plays no role in the conditions and problems a glass child endures as they did not choose to have a disability. The conditions and problems are a product of bad parental management and being a victim of circumstances. As a child, not understanding this bigger pictures may sometimes cause a glass child to see their sibling as the problem, but it is important to stress the sibling has no part in it.

Examples of challenges glass children experience during childhood:

Severe emotional and or physical neglect from guardians

Severe pressure to be the “perfect” kid

Feeling as if you must help others before yourself

Strong anger of not having a “normal” family, but feeling shame for feeling anger.

Putting in extra effort to appear okay even when they aren’t

Taking on the tasks (both physical and or mental) that are reserved for parents

Feelings of hopelessness

Hyper-vigilance and anxiety

Feeling of being taken for granted

These experiences during childhood follow you into teenage years and adulthood.

Symptoms a glass child can show later in life:

Trauma-related mental illnesses (ex: anxiety, depression, PTSD, personality disorders, eating disorders, etc.)

Self-sabotaging or self-injurious behavior(s)

Low self esteem

Putting other’s needs before one’s own, even at their own expense

Lack of self identity or never developing their own personality

Hyper-vigilance to an inappropriate degree

Extreme sensitivity

Struggles with trust and or vocalizing feelings and needs

Difficulty in adjusting to new, unexpected situations

Avoidance of any form of conflict to the point where it has negative impacts on day to day life

Learn More:

Glass Child Syndrome And Symptoms

Glass children: The overlooked siblings of the people we treat.

What is a glass child?

How We Can All Help Glass Children

Growing Up a Glass Child

Glass Child Syndrome And Symptoms

Glass children: The lived experiences of siblings of people with a disability or chronic illness

Glass Children

At least from my experience, one of the biggest problems that follows me till this day is being extremely sensitive as to when I feel my feelings or presence is being invalidated. This is not completely my imagination however as the term “glass child” as of now has no place in the DSM-5, any dictionaries, and not even a Wikipedia page despite the years and years of studies and proof showing that the existence and damage of being a glass child is very real and a problem. I myself didn’t know about this term until a few months ago. And that was from TikTok of all places. I hope this makes at least one more person aware that we exist, we are valid, and we are not “the lucky one.” Both the disabled sibling and the glass child(s) deserve the recognition for enduring the hardships life threw at them. We both deserve it.

[musings-ofmuses]

hey, isn’t that DAPHNE “PHE” COHEN-LEVY, who looks a little like MAUDE APATOW? i hear SHE is a TWENTY-FIVE year old CIS WOMAN who works as a SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER/EVENT PHOTOGRAPHER @ ASPEN CREEK TOWN HALL who has been in town for TWENTY-FIVE YEARS. they ARE a member of one of aspen creek’s founding families. you can usually find them at SUNNYVALE COMMONS or THE BACK ALLEY BREW. if you ask me, they remind me a lot of DANCING UNDER METEOR SHOWERS, PASTEL RETRO SWEATERS COVERED IN PATCHES, THE SMELL OF SAGE AND LAVENDER, AND THE GLOW OF THE TV PLAYING 90S VIDEO GAMES. just keep an eye on them & see if their true colors shine through!

Full Name: Daphne Angeline Cohen-Levy Nickname(s): Phe, Daph, Phi-Phi (Cohen family only) Age: 25 Birthday: September 3rd, 1999 Astrological Sign: Virgo Place of Birth: Aspen Creek, North Carolina *Parents: Mother (50+) and Father (50+) *Siblings: Older Sibling(s) (26+) and one Younger Sibling (21-24) Children: N/A Pets: Dionysus “Dio” (6-year-old Ragdoll cat), Nyx (2 ½-year-old Oriental Shorthair cat), and Purrsephone “Sephie” (4-month-old Ragdoll cat) *Relationships: Ex-Boyfriend(s) (wanted connection) and Current FWB & Possible Romance (wanted connection) Scars: Three small scars from having her gallbladder removed Tattoos: N/A Other Physical Distinctions: Many prominent birthmarks all over her body Sexual Orientation & Gender: Heterosexual and Heteroromantic ;; Cis Female Occupation: Social Media Manager and Events Photographer for the Town of Aspen Creek

bullet points

• tw: mention of broken bones, medical issues, chronic illness •

○ summer was still hanging in the air as the clocks turned to midnight. at that moment, on friday september 3rd, 1999, daphne angeline cohen-levy was welcomed into the world on her exact due date. that ‘fun fact’ seemingly predicted her future, as she grew into a child that thrived off perfection and preciseness.

○ before she was able to make a stake for herself in the cohen-levy family, daphne was soon thrust into the dreaded middle child role; always feeling overlooked and underappreciated. the constant feeling of both being too old to get away with her frankly normal childhood behavior yet being too young to participate in activities her older sibling(s) could persist even into her adulthood. it feels as if she is always being told by her parents that she's not accomplished enough but she can't possibly know what's best for her because she's 'so young'.

○ since she began to talk, daphne has had some kind of nickname. in her younger years, it was phi phi (a name that has lingered in the family's lexicon much to her dismay). middle school? daph. and though daph still sticks around, for the majority of people she is known as phe.

○ even if it was only one part of her hyphenated last name, phe grew up knowing the weight bearing the 'cohen' name meant in town. it was a status symbol; there had to be a reason her mom kept it after her marriage, right? but it also carried an expectation. they were virtually the pseudo-figureheads of the town. the last thing phe wanted to do was rock the boat. this self-induced (but also slightly parentally implied) pressure fueled the girl's already existing proclivity towards perfectionism.

○ they say you're either a horse girl, a mermaid girl or a princess girl growing up but phe opted for a secret forth option: the dancer girl. thank you for the music by abba must have been written about her since it seemed that she too had truly been dancing before she could walk. phe was balletcore before it was trendy (just ask her childhood bedroom: tacky mid 00's hot pink ballerina silhouettes splashed across her sheets and any bit of merch that said 'dance' was the vibe all day, every day) . by the age of two she was placed in dance classes, and the cohen-levy parents knew they were never looking back. phe's whole heart and soul lived in dance. there was nowhere she felt more free nor more herself than in a dance studio

○ her love of dance and horribly competitive nature that thrived off the need to be the best at everything poised phe perfectly to enter the competitive dance world. she started going for titles at six with her dance company's elite team and would prove to be a reliable winner as the years went on. the girl has lost count of how many titles she has won and is currently storing at least three rubbermaid boxes full of trophies and crowns in her parents' attic (since only so many will fit in her small apartment). 'first place' was like her drug. the young girl would wind herself up into such horrible, anxious knots wondering what she did wrong if she was even a tenth of a place below first. that's why she tried to land there as little as possible.

○ when she wasn't at competition, phe was shut up in her room playing all the classic cozy games. her summer nights and free weekends were filled with whatever sims or harvest moon game was out at the time. to this day, she still can be found with a blanket wrapped around her, a bowl of chips by her side and her little virtual life on the screen in front of her.

○ she is also a blossoming cat lady. she has three currently and they are her pride and joy.

○ despite pushback from her parents, phe decided to major in dance. she hoped to continue in competitions for a while and soon transition into either performing with a ballet company or owning her own studio. however, at nationals during her third semester, there was a part in her dance where she went down to one knee. everything before that was going swimmingly; a shoo-in for first place. when that knee hit the stage though, all phe remembers was hearing a loud crack and feeling as if her entire leg had exploded. she was soon whisked away to the hospital where they discovered her kneecap had completely shattered, requiring her to get a full knee replacement. 'devastated' wasn't a strong enough word for the feelings that overcame her when she found out she couldn't dance for at least a year after the surgery.

○ but everyone in her family had one question on their minds: how did a completely healthy nineteen-year-old's knee completely shatter from a simple landing? well, after extensive and invasive testing, the culprit was revealed: systemic lupus erythematosus causing osteoporosis. it made sense; she had been feeling achier than usual (chalked up to her getting older and less flexible as she grew), got exhausted so quickly (usually blamed on lack of sleep or doing too much), and was starting to see a rash pop up across her cheeks (which was misdiagnosed as eczema). she thought the year ban on dance, though? once she heard her doctors recommend she not do any professional dancing ever again at the risk of her doing irreparable damage to herself as he condition continued to progress, the sound of her heart shattering felt louder than hearing her literal bone split open. her whole life had been planned by her since she was seven. and now? she had to start back at square one.

○ after a gap year of healing (and moping. and crying. and wallowing), phe went back to school to get her social media marketing degree at the suggestion of her parents (most jobs would accommodate her body becoming less mobile over the years as her lupus progressed). if this was the path her life was to take, it was time to throw everything she had into starting off on the right foot. getting both her BA and MA in social media marketing plus getting a 4.0 GPA both times was absolutely a coping method for losing her past love.

○ being a part of the cohen family meant getting a job at town hall wasn't the hardest thing in the world. plus, this role (that may have been made for her) was supposed to be easy. it was basically getting town news out online in a fun, aesthetic, and trendy way. her older coworkers were glad to have someone who actually majored in all of that 'tech nonsense' to deal with what they saw was frivolous. unable to do the bare minimum, though, phe has also dedicated herself to completely recoding the town's website and has volunteered to be the events photographer (a class she added on for credits in undergrad that became a side hobby for her). again, see how we used the word supposed?

○ when the shoe (aka news of her uncle's (the MAYOR's) affair) dropped, work suddenly got very stressful. she had to sift through all of the comments, deleting and banning people left and right. phones rung every hour of the day, asking for a comment. and now? now she has to do full seo damage control.

○ though she is being held together by a string with the structural integrity of one of her most worn pointe shoe's laces, phe puts on a front of complete calm and perfection. she's had years of practice, after all. does she spend nights at the bar to just get away from the chaos and let loose a little too often? maybe. but that's okay. she can keep it together just a bit longer. the gossip train can't last forever, right? .....right?

wanted connections/plots

any and all, please! she is a very new muse and subject to change so please feel free to reach out <3

[ina-nis]

I will never stop talking about how harmful some therapy modalities are, even if they're considered the first line of treatment for many mental illnesses.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is one I particularly hate, not only because it has harmed and traumatized me personally, but because the whole premise of this "therapy" (if I can even call it that) is based on victim-blaming and gaslighting. Full stop.

I found a very good interview/article about the harm CBT can cause on chronic pain patients (I am also one of them!) and it sums up most my feelings and why I would never recommend it to anyone - and I'll actually go out of my way to warn people about it, be mindful and know what they're getting into if they do decide to try.

It's important to note that, even though this is about chronic pain, this fits for a lot of other things, like personality disorders. They're all interconnected after all, and the ableism we face is always similar, unfortunately.

It was incredibly difficult for me to function day-to-day due to the pain and fatigue. It felt like no one understood what I was going through, including the therapists I saw who told me I was just anxious or overreacting. I was told that my pain wasn’t real, would pass if I stopped paying attention to it, or was being exaggerated. I received the same message from many others in my life. They told me I was faking to get out of school or being melodramatic for attention. None of that was true. So on top of being in chronic pain that just got worse, showing up more often and in more areas of my body, I felt dismissed, judged, and alone. Most of my chronic pain treatment, aside from over the counter meds and the occasional prescription for symptoms like heartburn or migraines, was therapy and psychiatric medication. Doctors continued to dismiss my pain and gave mental health diagnoses instead of investigating my physical symptoms. The underlying physical issues causing my pain were overlooked and misattributed to being psychosomatic. Psych meds never helped my chronic pain. I tried almost all of them, yet that didn’t signal anything to my psychiatrists except that I was a “difficult case.” They didn’t consider that there really was something physical going on [and many people do have co-occurring physical and psychological conditions]. (...) Unfortunately, even with my recent diagnoses, the conditions I have are under-researched and don’t always have clear treatment paths. The medical establishment has intentionally neglected researching and treating them. Most doctors don’t know much about the conditions or falsely believe they’re too rare to need to know about, so I’m basically back to square one. I’m still not being provided treatment that actually helps my chronic pain. Even with a growing list of medical diagnoses, therapy and psych meds are still routinely recommended to me, sometimes as the only treatment option.

As I said... way too similar, isn't it? This has been my experience with both chronic pain and most my mental illnesses. It's especially hard to digest regarding AvPD - where one of the treatments is to "just go outside and socialize" and the fact that doing that makes me suicidal is overlooked, conveniently. You're not taken seriously, people think it's just a matter of "willpower" and "positive thinking" and "just don't think about it." A big fat load of bullshit, huh?

But I guess I get it? People don't understand how it is. They most likely never will unless they go through it themselves so, of course, they will offer all these "solutions" and "fixes" - including medical professionals - and will blame you after things straight up don't work, or don't work for long enough.

I do not see anyone talking about side effects and the harms treatment can cause. Nobody. Not a single fucking soul. But if it doesn't work then it's because you're "treatment resistant" or you just didn't get the right mix of meds, or you're just not trying hard enough. Aha!

Now delving into CBT itself...:

(...) I remember pushing back when therapists told me my pain was exaggerated, “all in my head,” or that I was focusing too much on it and making it worse. Therapists told me my pain was psychosomatic. I wasn’t given the space or encouragement to process or discuss my grief, fear, or trauma around living in chronic pain and having it untreated and dismissed. Trying to ignore the pain didn’t stop it. I always knew there was something medical going on. I told them that I was suffering. It didn’t matter. They still thought they could convince me my pain wasn’t real, or that I was choosing to suffer from it even if it was real. That didn’t help, and they were wrong. CBT as a modality is based around gaslighting. It’s all about telling a patient that the world is safe, bad feelings are temporary, and that pain (emotional or physical) is a “faulty or unhelpful” distortion of thinking. That’s literally in CBT’s definition on the APA website. But how do they determine that someone’s thinking is “faulty or unhelpful”? From the first session, therapists told me my way of thinking was the problem, not the medical conditions I couldn’t control or things like systemic injustices, financial struggles, trauma, and discrimination. And that’s a big problem with CBT. When therapists look at patients through the lens of patients’ thinking being faulty or distorted, not the larger issues impacting their lives, therapists miss those larger issues and the patient is invalidated and harmed even further. [Maybe some people find CBT helpful] but what happens in CBT when your thinking is not actually distorted? When you’re someone who has chronic pain, chronic illness, and disability? Someone dealing with systemic and societal issues that are very real and harmful? Someone dealing with trauma, PTSD, or currently being abused? Someone living in a global pandemic that’s disabling and killing millions of people? I believe CBT is built to be dismissive and invalidating. And that’s what was done to me for so long that even I wondered at times if maybe I was causing my own pain, that if I “fixed” my thinking and could stop being anxious, my pain would get better. But two decades of therapy only made me feel more lost and confused, and the pain only got worse. I lost so much time focusing on therapy that I could have been seeing the right specialists and doing preventative treatments that might have stopped my illnesses from progressing the way they have.

CBT is based on the premise that any patient coming into therapy is experiencing distorted, “faulty,” “catastrophizing” thinking. CBT therapists are trained to convince patients that they’re overreacting and that they’ll feel better when they realize they’re overreacting. They believe patients will realize that the world is actually safe (or at least safer than they think it is) and that emotions are based on unjustified fears and misinterpretations. Except that isn’t true. I can’t say I know anyone that’s true for. And it very much blames the victim, the patient. It tells them the problem is their way of processing pain and trauma, not whatever is actually causing it. With chronic pain, the problem can be physical, worsened by the neglect of the medical system. I can’t wish that away. I can’t convince myself I’m not in pain that exists and is being neglected. It’s not true. And it’s harmful to tell me that’s how I’ll get better when it’s not. Also, CBT practitioners seem to work off an assumption that patients will feel better if they refocus their attention to distractions. I can’t tell you how many therapists told me to just go out, make new friends, join a club, even giving me worksheets to schedule and report those kinds of activities. None of that helped me. First of all, it was hard to go out and make friends when I was living in chronic pain. It also felt so dismissive to be told the solution was just to distract myself and pretend everything was fine when I had real, physical pain and trauma going on that wasn’t being properly addressed. I believe the way CBT is prescribed and enacted for people in chronic pain is certainly harmful and inappropriate. [It has been useless to me and many other chronic pain patients.]

(...) I’ve never heard of a pain coach, but from what I’m seeing via Google it looks a lot like CBT to me, except with even less training or oversight. I’m seeing phrases like “creating harmony,” “triumph over pain,” and “focusing on strengths” on coach websites. It looks like a form of life/wellness coaching? The websites seem scammy and ableist. Maybe there are good pain coaches out there, but I can’t tell that from what I’m seeing, and I’ve never seen anyone in the disability community recommend them. So, I can’t speak to it formally, but my guess would be that this is not a non-harmful or trauma/disability-informed method of treatment, at least not overall. I would caution against recommending something like that in lieu of CBT, and certainly not without the input of folks with lived experience of disability who have done it.

I have nothing else to add. This person put my own feelings into words I could have written myself.

I wish we never had to deal with this kind of issue and that it would get better someday. I wonder about that and I really doubt it... but the more people speak up, the more the harm will be seen and maybe something can change eventually.

(About this last part in particular: "coaching" is a huge can of worms because most are not medical professionals or trained psychologists. It is indeed a scam and the whole industry is just like that. You know multi-level marketing/pyramid schemes but make it "therapeutic"? Yeah...)

(...) Even some of the better-seeming doctors promote modalities like CBT, mindfulness, meditation, and biofeedback as first-line treatments. Those things have never helped my chronic pain. My guess is because it’s physical and structural, so at best those things could calm me down temporarily, but all those feelings come right back because the pain never stops, I’m being continually traumatized and mistreated, and I live in survival mode all the time. It’s been a long time since I found any mode of therapy helpful. ACT [acceptance and commitment therapy] had its moments because it was about coping, finding whatever power and agency I could in any given moment or situation, but I still found that limiting because truly accepting chronic pain doesn’t feel possible to me. The anger, fear, grief, and depression always come back because the pain, the source of those feelings, never stops. Sometimes it can just be nice to talk to someone, but I’ve also had problematic and traumatic therapy experiences even with therapists who say they specialize in chronic illness. Sometimes they can still be ableist, tell me I’m “catastrophizing,” and make the same mistakes. Many of them also practice CBT and seem to fall back into it with me when they feel stuck or overwhelmed by my situation. I’ve been unable to successfully do trauma work because therapists tell me we can’t work on past traumas while I’m living in trauma. The chronic pain ensures I’m always in some kind of trauma or survival situation, so I don’t know if or when real trauma work will be possible. My trust in therapy is very limited at this point. I believe much of it has been harmful and I’m not sure there’s a current modality that is truly helpful or validating for people experiencing chronic pain, disability, oppression, and/or active trauma.

[machihunnicutt]

I would like the sons and bowlers thoughts please

Under the cut bc it’s soooo long lmao

Things in sons and bowlers that make me crazy (in no particular order)

1)The idea that daniel pierce shields hawkeye from things that he thinks will hurt him psychologically and actively tries to distract him with kindness/good things i.e. making him elaborate breakfasts while his mom was dying in the hospital and downplaying the extent of her illness. I think this is so interesting bc we’ve often seen hawkeye deflect with jokes/go out of his way to help people inside and outside of OR and make sacrifices to do so/ downplay the extent of his own pain/trauma in order to avoid inconveniencing people and the idea that this is a behavior he learned as a child, way before the war is a major clue to the events in GFA

He doesn’t deal with his trauma, he minimizes it to the point of repression and convinces himself things are alright! He’s become his father! That blows my mind idk

2) hawkeye just has his dad and his dad just has him! We saw in where there’s a will that he leaves everything to his father but this really drives home how much hawkeye loves his dad. Like i think part of why this makes me crazy is that i have daddy/mommy issues but i feel like for hawkeye this is a big character beat that people overlook. He’s not like the others at the unit in that they all have families/career aspirations/grounded support systems to return to and for hawkeye all he’s got is his dad and he really finds his support system in the MASH…and yeah he’s a workaholic and a brilliant surgeon but he’s also the kind of person who thrives on human connection and cannot live without his connections to those around him. Like hawkeye is all heart AGH what happens when someone like that is removed from a place where they formed deep connections?

Also the fact that he’s like iv’e said ily but what if he doesnt know i mean it like man u really don’t expect people to listen to what u say

3) back on daniel, sorry but i love food/mealtime/cooking themes with hawkeye too and the fact that shared, homemade breakfasts were his father’s symbol of love and protection just makes the absence of good food at the MASH even more devastating. I also see hawkeye as someone who can disassociate from his body easily (the drinking, the sleeping around, the constant sniffing of food/not eating if it isn’t appetizing/ going long periods without sleep and insomnia, the manic episodes/psych problems) so the reconnection of family to food is important here too! Like i’m going to get to charles but the fact that he tells the story about feeling tested at dinner and his related food associations, i think it’s really telling that in contrast we get hawkeye and daniel talking about the good times they had eating dinner together

4) brief margaret tangent i like that this is a reversal of the early seasons trope of her sleeping with someone for some plot/ulterior motive and now when potter asks her if she’ll do that she’s like fuck off and then uses the guy for bowling tips and not sex lol i just think it’s a succient way to show her development over time and i also love when she gets to do sporty/more traditionally masculine things and not be dunked on for it

5) bj and charles scheming idk i love this in any episode i like that they bring out the evil asshole in each other i find it funny and charming they’re my faves for a reason i think dos and mike are both soooo talented

6) the contrast between charles’ home life and hawkeye’s and how thats shaped them. i ‘m really interested in the similarities between charles and hawk i think they have similar backgrounds and similar drive/talent/pressure to be surgeons and be the best at what they do/similarly desperate desire for connection with people/to art and music and theater etc. and they can be similarly overconfident/stubborn it just manifests so differently in their behaviors. I feel like this is one of the few times we see them acknowledge each other as people and put aside their differences in order to support each other idk u know i love a charles plotline im human

7) speaking of supporting people! Also crazy about bj’s progressive loss of the ability to provide hawkeye with emotional support and here he doesn’t even know hawkeye was struggling bc hawkeye’s like don’t tell anyone ! he doesn’t want to tell his best friend his problems bc bj doesn’t help him with things like that. And in fact telling bj might be something that sets bj off further like every day this man’s mental health is crumbling he’s hanging on by a thread and hawkeye knows this, more finale set up that’s so subtly done i love it

7.5) also the fact that if daniel’s surgery had gone badly this would be another hawkeye doesn’t get a real goodbye situation (.i.e his mom, trapper, henry, carlye, tommy, kyung hee, bj etc.) whyyyy do they do this

8) there’s bowling like come on are u serious i love bowling and they’re so cute bowling