#and i realized i have only eaten one meal in about 5 days when i went out to eat with my friend...

[inevitablestars]

:/

[bellysoupset]

noticed the antibotics post you reblogged...

and now im thinking of jonah getting a bad sinus infection or something of the like and just general clingy

and the antibiotics absolutely wreck his stomach so to speak

"Hey," Leo rounded up the couch in order to kiss his fiancé's forehead and inconspicuously feel his fever. For three days now Jonah had been fighting off a freaking ear infection and he was in one of the worst moods Leo had seen him in a while.

Not only he was feverish and had an earache, but the ear infection kept almost triggering his vertigo, so he had been forced to be on his back for the past days. In order not to miss too much work he was doing his office hours from home, but it wasn't the same and Leo knew Jonah was almost climbing up the walls with boredom.

"I know what you're doing," Jon answered him, shutting down his laptop and rubbing his temples, "fever broke in the morning, I'm fine."

Leo wasn't so sure about that, his boyfriend was oddly warm, "uhm, sure you are," he rubbed his chin on top of Jon's curls, much like JD did with them, "have eaten?"

He had left their fridge packed with stuff Jon liked, because lately his appetite had been all but gone. Much to Leo's annoyance, the other man shook his head.

"Not hungry."

"You have to eat," Leo groaned, exhausted, "what do you want? Soup? Pasta? I left sushi prepared for lunch..." he tried not to let the frustration leak into his words, but he shouldn't have bothered, Jonah could always see right through him.

"I'm sorry you went through all this trouble," Jonah answered sourly, pulling back so he was out of Leo's reach, "but I'm not hungry."

The blonde squeezed his eyes shut and open again, fuming, "it's 5 PM and you haven't eaten anything since the crackers I had to force on you this morning," he scoffed, "you're eating, I don't care if you're not hungry."

Jonah still looked like he was about to argue, but Leo didn't give him the chance, turning around and walking to the kitchen, knowing his boyfriend couldn't follow just to keep being frustratingly stubborn.

He prepared them a simple meal, Leo was hungry too, and his own temper had cooled off by the time he returned with the bowls. Jonah's... Not so much. He was curled up with JD in the opposite side of the couch and had his eyes closed, but the frown between his brows betrayed there was no way he was asleep.

Leo sighed, "don't pout, I'm doing this because I love you," he held out the soup to Jon and his boyfriend didn't move a muscle, "Jonah. C'mon, don't be a pain-"

A wet burp answered him and Leo raised his eyebrows, "Jon?"

"Stop talking," Jonah snapped at him, pressing a hand to his lips and gulping down, "fuck..."

Leo walked away in order to plant the food back in the kitchen and when he came back, Jonah was crawling up on the couch, clearly trying to get up, "WHOA! Hey, you're not supposed to be moving around, your head-"

"I need the bathroom," Jonah cut him off and Leo cringed as he realized how grey Jon's skin looked, little sweat droplets dotting his face, "I don't feel well."

All of Leo's resolve melted away, "oh angel, okay, c'mere," he wrapped an arm around Jonah's middle, helping him up, "lean on me." Together they waddled to the guest bathroom and Leo was about to enter with Jonah, when the guy planted a hand on his chest and pushed.

"Nope. Privacy."

"Don't be ridiculous," Leo shoved him further inside the bathroom, "you're too dizzy to stand, you don't get privacy."

"Please," Jonah all but whined, "please, just- Get the fuck out," his hand moved to cradle his tummy and Leo winced as he heard a gurgle, "Leo!"

"Okay! Okay, yeah, uh-" he stepped back and Jonah took no time to slam the door on his face. Leo pouted, walking back to the living room and collapsing on the couch. It had been a long week and he was pretty drained, but he mentally berated himself. If he was tired of this, he couldn't imagine how Jonah was feeling.

JD meowed, probably sensing his frustration and climbed on his lap, planting her paws on his chest so she could inspect his face, "I'm okay, baby," Leo sighed, booping his nose with hers and stroking her fur, "don't worry."

It was nearly a half hour later when the bathroom door opened again. By then Leo had already had dinner and was sulking in the living room, pretending to watch TV while arguing to himself to give Jon some space. Relief floored him as the door opened and his fiancé stumbled out.

"Jon?"

"What?" Jonah was taking small timid steps, a hand resting on his belly and Leo shot up, meeting him halfway.

"Hey," the blonde hesitated to touch him, not wanting to get snapped at, but that was the wrong thing to do.

"I feel like crap..." Jonah all but whined, voice all choked up and hazel eyes tearing up, and Leo's concern went up a notch, specially as his boyfriend continued, "I'm sorry I'm being such a dick..."

"Christ, is your fever up again?" Leo answered instead of acknowledging the apology, cupping Jonah's face. He was really warm, "come here, baby, let's sit down," he pulled them both back to the couch and Jon promptly curled up, eyes squeezed shut.

"What's wrong?" Leo scooted closer, rubbing a hand up and down his back, "are you in pain? Is it your ear?"

"Nauseous," Jonah answered after a second in silence, "...Hurts."

Leo's heart squeezed and he pressed a kiss to his boyfriend's temple, wrapping an arm around his back, "let me rub your tummy, angel, c'mere," he tipped them both backwards on the couch, until he was lying on his back and Jonah was on top of him. He was so unusually quiet and clingy, it was mildly terrifying.

Leo squirmed under Jonah's weight until he was able to free a hand and sneaked it under the other man's shirt, gently starting to rub it in clockwise motion. There was a horrible gurgling inside and even the minimal amount of pressure caused Jon to muffle a burp against his bicep and groan.

"Careful, I'm really queasy," Jonah warned him.

Leo shrugged, lips pressed to the top of his curls as he said, "don't worry about me," he grimaced in sympathy when another bubble moved under his hand and inside his boyfriend's belly, "it's so upset... How come, if you have barely eaten in days?"

"Antibiotics," Jonah answered, then gulped down, "they mess with me."

"I didn't know that," Leo pouted, hugging him closer, "these specific ones or any...?"

"I don't know," Jon moved slightly, so he could press his face to Leo's chest and breathed out, "excuse me," before muffling a string of little burps against his fist.

Leo let out a snort at the deja vú, "I feel like we've been here before," he whispered, then with a more teasing tone, "why are you embarrassed? I know your burps are not that dainty."

Jon scowled, his cheeks turning darker with a flush, "I'm not embarrassed," he said sharply and the return of his usual annoyed tone made Leo relax against the cushions, "it's not coming up, feels-" he gulped down, "feels like it's in my throat."

"Do you want me to try burping you? Those back pats you did with me the other day when I was sick?" Leo offered, eager to help in any way he could. He hated seeing Jon behaving like this, he'd much rather have his grumpy, bitchy boyfriend back.

Jonah muffled another little burp in his hand, then nodded, sitting up slowly like an elderly man. Leo bit down his lip, carefully planting a hand on his back, "tell me if this is alright..."

He started thumping on his back softly, much like one would a baby, and Jonah let out a groan and leaned forward, wrapping both arms around his stomach, but didn't say anything else besides that.

After a couple minutes of the patting, Jon suddenly stiffened and let out a huge burp, so loud it caused JD to jump and look up from where she had been happily nibbling on her toy. Leo snorted, "better?"

Jon only nodded, so Leo took that as a hint to keep going and no sooner he had started the patting back up again, Jonah let out yet another burp and then another... It changed into a retch halfway through and his boyfriend scrambled to press a hand in front of his lips, but it was too little too late and puke got all over down his front, in a small puddle on the ground and his hand.

"Oh shit," Leo cringed, then hurried to reassure him as he heard Jonah let out a pitiful noise, "no, it's alright baby, it's okay. Your tummy was really sick, poor thing," he sighed, rubbing Jonah's arm, "let's get you cleaned up, c'mon."

"M'sorry," Jonah's words were sticking together, head hanging in shame, "couldn't help it... I don't-"

"Shh," Leo shushed him, planting his lips on his shoulder, "it's alright, don't worry about it. Help me-" he grabbed his boyfriend's bicep, pulling him up.

They stumbled to the bathroom and Jonah promptly sat down on the closed toilet, as if the small distance had drained him of all energy. Leo pouted at the sight, wetting the washing cloth and leaving it on the sink in order to help Jon strip his t-shirt.

"Jesus, Jon..." Leo cringed as he got a good look at how bloated his boyfriend was, "that cannot feel good..."

As if to answer him, Jonah sluggishly cupped a hand over his lips, uncoordinatedly, and let out another wet burp, so wet that Leo scrambled to get the trashcan next to the toilet.

"Here-" he held it under Jon's chin, but the other man shook his head.

"No-"

"I don't think your body is leaving much room to argue, baby," Leo pressed his hip to Jonah's arm since his boyfriend was sitting down, and leaned him slightly over the trashcan, "get it up."

A small cough answered him, followed by another heave and suddenly a rush of liquid hit the trashcan, causing Jonah to let out a pathetic whine that was fully out of character and terrifying. Leo cupped his forehead as Jon's head hung and he let out a hiss, "angel, you're burning up again."

Instead of answering him, Jonah heaved again, bringing up little more than a mouthful of bright orange bile and drool.

"That's it," Leo rubbed his back, biting his lip nervously, "I'm calling Wendy."

If he expected some sort of resistence, he was sorely mistaken. Instead, Jonah leaned fully against him, resting his overheated face on Leo's tummy and breathing deeply, as if he had ran a marathon.

It took some coaxing to get him up again, but Jonah was too feverish and clingy to really be his stubborn self and Leo managed to get him in bed, before running to grab his cellphone and returning to their bedroom and sticking a thermometer in Jonah's mouth. The lack of complaints and bitching was driving him crazy.

It rang a couple of times, before Wendy picked up with a giggle, all breathless, "Hi blondie-" she was clearly chuckling and Leo could vaguely hear Vince's voice in the background, "what's up?"

"Jonah's sick and I don't know what to do," Leo admitted, feeling horrible that he didn't know how to perfectly fix his boyfriend, "he got an ear infection a couple days ago, has been on antibiotics since, but he still has a high fever and has started throwing up now."

"High fever? How high?" Wendy''s voice was straight to the point and she heard Vince echoing in the background: Jon's sick?

"Uhm-" Leo reached for the thermometer he had left between Jon's lips and squinted, "a little over 103," he planted the device on the bedside table and squeezed his boyfriend's nape as Jonah squirmed on the bed until he could rest his forehead to Leo's thigh, "it's been up for days."

"What meds is he taking?" Wendy sounded like she was pacing and Leo reached for the bedside table drawer once more, in search of the pill bottles. He rattled off the meds and heard a sigh, "the nausea is probably due to the clarithromycin, you can give him some pepto for that and if it doesn't work, then zofran. Add some tylenol for the fever, but as soon as the nausea is gone he needs to have some food, okay? And monitor his temperature, if it goes up or doesn't go down even a little bit after medication, it's ER time."

"Okay," Leo ran his fingers softly over the frown etched on his boyfriend's face, "but not right now?"

"I don't think it's needed," Wendy sounded pensive, "I'll call you back in a couple hours to check up on him."

"Alright... Sorry about ruining your Friday night," Leo chewed on his lip and he could almost hear Wen shrugging.

"You didn't, sweetheart," the nickname rolled off her tongue and Leo could tell she did a small pause, but he was too concerned about Jon to much care about the endearment term, "I'll call you back in a couple of hours, alright? Take care."

"You too," Leo answered, as he heard Vince's voice become louder, filled with questions, before the call disconnected.

On his lap, Jonah let out a little sigh, "Leo?"

"I talked with Wendy," Leo folded in half in order to whisper it, "you'll be fine, okay? Just gotta take some more meds."

"Okay..." Jonah nodded, nuzzling his head against Leo's thigh and coughing, "can we cuddle? Where's JD?"

"I hate that you're feeling so crappy that I can't even enjoy you being this adorable," Leo teased him lightly, planting a kiss on Jonah's temple, "I'll get JD and the meds, alright."

Jon only shrugged, yawning and curling up even more, "hurry back."

[sadstrever]

i’m still 114lbs. i feel sick. yesterday was an awful day, i came home and had an out of body chew and spit session. i wish there was more research on this part of ed’s, or just more people who talked about it because i can’t be alone in this. i refuse to believe i’m the only sick person who does disgusting shit like this. anyways the reason why i call it an out of body experience is because it’s almost like binging-just without all the swallowing of food. i came home and immediately started doing it and filled up 1 and 1/2 2 liter bottles with food. i spent 5 hours doing this without even realizing and pretty much emptied out my whole families fridge. the guilt i felt afterwards was worse than a binge in my opinion. not only did i totally waste SO MUCH food, make a huge mess, ended up with disgusting bottles of mush in my room, i also have to face the consequences of my family coming home to an empty fridge. but when they got home they were happy that i “ate.” god i’m such a fucking piece of shit.

anyways after all that i took 4 laxatives to try and get the guilt of wasting the food out of me. i woke up in the morning today in terrible pain but still had to go to class, cuz what am i supposed to tell my parents? “yeah i haven’t eaten in almost a month and basically just threw all the food we have out in the trash and i also took 4 laxatives, can i please stay home tehe?” so i went to 1 class and ended up leaving because the pain was so excruciating. straight from class i went to the gym and somehow burnt 900 calories because i guess that’s what guilt does to me. i had to take the bus 2 hours home afterwards(bus delays and i went to a new further gym location this time), high out of my mind. i’m home now and my stomach hurts but the laxatives finally did their job. i don’t want to keep doing this. 4 years ago i said i’d recover and then i didn’t. since then i’ve forgotten about recovery (with the exception of a few random moments here and there that i block out immediately), i am so used to living in this fucking misery that i didn’t realize how abnormal my reality is. i don’t want to be a bad person anymore. but i can’t stop lol.

this is what bothers me about the girls who romanticize this disorder SO MUCH, when much of the time they haven’t realized how difficult it can become. i know i’ve done this, even now sometimes as a coping mechanism. but man, i’m sick of it.

i have a friend who writes poetry and she wrote a poem about eating disorders that make me so fucking angry. the thing is, i’ve known her for years and she’s always had the best relationship with food out of most of the people i know. she’s naturally pretty thin(not too thin but normal) and she’s very open about her struggles. i know every single one of her stories, i know she’s diagnosed with adhd. that’s HER disorder, that i don’t understand so i DONT write fucking POETRY about it. a few months ago she kind of forced me into opening up about my eating disorder. after i did, suddenly she started writing these stories about her eating disorder-very very very suspiciously similar to mine. i obviously didn’t tell her everything but i told her about how long this has been going on and just my emotions about it. seeing her start to adapt my fucking disorder into her poetry disgusted me. she glamorized the fuck out of it and made me feel so stupid for ever opening up about it. she’s naturally skinny so she got a bunch of support from our friend group from it and i’m just upset man. i’m sick of living in misery while other people can use the idea of living in pain for attention.

i promised my best friend that in 3 weeks i’ll go back to therapy and try my best to recover. it’s not true. man it’s never fucking true. it’s never fucking over. unlike ms.deep-poetry-girl i can’t just fucking write this and log off and then eat a good warm meal and talk to my parents without them mentioning my body. i can’t wake up tomorrow morning and hug them without worrying that they’re gonna feel my bones. i can’t wear shorts anymore without people noticing the bruises. i can’t go to school and keep my focus because i have nothing to feed my brain. i can’t let anyone get close because soon enough they’ll be just like YOU. OR they’ll hate me for not wanting to get better. i can’t love myself like you do because of the disgusting things i do each day. i can’t wake up thinner and suddenly stop hating myself. FUCK YOUUUUUUUU GOD IM SO SICK OF IT GOD. whatever im done. just sick and tired.

[dramatic-crying]

good old days // ryan dunn x reader

Writing prompt: "She runs into her high school crush and reminisces about the time that they had a really cute moment"

Summary: While working the closing shift at your job, you run into someone you haven't seen in years.

Work count: ~1.5k

Warnings: MAJOR FLUFF, swearing, cute shit

"Will that be all, sir?" You ask, making drinks for the man currently sitting across the bar counter from you.

"Yeah, whatever. Just put it on my tab, will ya, sweetheart?" He remarks, giving you a wink before walking to his friends halfway across the bar.

"You got it, dick," you say under your breath.

"Hey, Y/N!" You hear to your right. You immediately turn to see your manager walking towards you, your heart instantly dropping when you realize that she might have heard what you just said. However, despite your fears, she smiles at you warmly and says, "You wanna take your 30 minute break now before we get super busy?"

"Yes, please," you exaggerate, smiling at her as you rush towards the back. All you grab is a pack of cigarettes and the small dinner of some fries and chicken strips your coworker had cooked for you at the beginning of your shift. You check the clock, just to check how much of your never-ending shift has passed. 9:17, perfect.

"See ya in half an hour!" You shout to your coworkers before walking out the front door and heading to one of the tables placed in front of the bar. You sit down and quickly dig into your meal, feeling like you haven't eaten in days (when, in reality, it's been about 5 hours).

About eating all the lukewarm french-fries you had, you pause to have a cigarette before having the rest of your food. "Hey, dude! Mind sharing one?" You hear from right behind you. As you glance towards where the voice came from, you find a relatively tall, smiling man with a buzz cut.

You barely mutter out an answer before you see a strong hand land on the shoulder of the first man. As the first man moves out of the way, you see a vaguely familiar face behind him. He's blonde, has enormous blue eyes, and a shit-eating grin on his face, and you could swear you've seen him somewhere before. "Will you stop messing with people while we get food for five goddamn seconds?" He playfully complains, shoving his friend away from you. The blonde then looks to you, while saying, "I'm so sorry about him, he doesn't really know boundaries..." By the end of this man's sentence, his voice has almost completely trailed off and his friend heads back into the restaurant. He just... stares into your eyes for what feels like an eternity. He shakes his head a moment later, breaking eye contact. "I should go," he mumbles, beginning to leave.

"Wait!" You shout, expressing the only words you could muster in this entire situation. You turn around in your chair to be able to fully see the mystery man. You chuckle slightly as you realize you have this random man's entire attention. "You just look really familiar," you chuckle as you sweep your hair out of your face. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound weird at all."

He lets out a little giggle and moves the sunglasses he was wearing to sit on top of his head. "I was actually gonna say the same thing about you," he admits, taking a few steps closer. You gesture to the other end of the table you're sitting at.

"Wanna join me?" You suggest, taking another pull of your cigarette. He looks unsure for a few seconds, then begins to move over to the table, taking the seat that you offered. He suddenly holds his hand out to you and says, "I'm Ryan, by the way."

You take his hand and respond, "I'm Y/N." After this action, the man, who you now know as Ryan, smiles twice as big as he did before. "Did you happen to go to Westchester High?"

Ryan's eyes widen with realization as his mouth drops open. "Oh my god, of fucking course! I totally should've recognized you, you were in my P.E. class, right?" Your face begins to feel warm as blush rushed to your cheeks, but you still answer his question.

"I think so, yeah. The teacher, Mr. Wilson, was always a fuckin' bitch to you," you exclaim while chuckling. Ryan covers his face in embarrassment.

"Well, can't say I didn't deserve it since I ditched his class most of the time."

"So, what have you been doing since high school?" You inquire, hoping to continue this conversation with a long-lost acquaintance.

He clears his throat, and you shift in your seat in anticipation of his answer. "Well, I actually started filming movies with my friends, and we just started filming a T.V. show with some other really cool guys."

You can feel your eyes widen in surprise; it's not every day that someone you used to know happens to be famous. "Holy shit, good for you!"

He shakes his head while laughing small bit. "Yeah, well, it can get pretty hectic every once in a while." You scoff in response and say, "Don't tell me that you're complaining about being famous."

He shrugs his shoulders with a neutral look on his face. "What can I say, I'm not much of an extrovert."

You nod your head and say, "Yeah, I guess that's fair."

"What about you?" He questions. "What have you been up to?"

Just before you were about to answer, your manager comes out of the bar and begins to yell to you. "Y/N, what are you doing?? It's been 45 minutes!"

You whip back around to Ryan with a terrified look on your face. You were about to apologize, but the blonde man stopped you. "It's okay," he declares, smiling at you. "We can reminisce in the good old days later, maybe after you get off of work?"

Instantly, you nod in response. "Absolutely, um... I get off at 1."

"Oof, long night," he responds.

"I know," you say, giggling.

"Well, whatever. It's worth it," Ryan admits, his puppy-dog eyes staring straight into your soul.

You bite your lip. "Okay, see ya later." And, with that, you go back into the restaurant.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was finally time for you to go home, and you couldn't wait. You rushed out of the bar as fast as you could, ensuring you had all your belongings with you, so you didn't have to return until your next shift.

As you step outside, you feel the slight trickle of light rain. "Great," you sigh, soon realizing you were going to have to walk home in the pouring rain. You hear someone greet you out of nowhere and you shriek slightly in surprise. However, not surprisingly, you soon see Ryan doubled over, laughing his ass off. What a dick. "Jesus, what the fuck were you doing in the shadows?? You're gonna give someone a fuckin' heart attack one day," you exclaim, holding your hand over your heart.

"Oh my god, you should've seen your face!" Ryan cries, still hysterically laughing. "You jumped like three feet into the air!"

"Shut up," you groan, walking over and shoving him slightly. He finally begins to calm down, but it's extremely easy to tell his eyes were tearing up with how hard he was laughing. "What are you even doing here still?"

"Well, I mean, you said we could talk after you get off of work, so I just thought I would... wait for you," he says.

You raise your eyebrows, and he seems to catch onto the reason why.

"Okay, so that sounded a lot less creepy in my head. But do you think I could at least walk you home?"

You take a few seconds to think, but it really isn't even a question for you. "Sure, why not?"

He grins in response and holds out his hand for you to take. You roll your eyes but take his hand anyway.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It only took about 15 minutes to walk back to your apartment, but the entire time you two were laughing like idiots while reminiscing about the stupid shit you did in high school.

"Right, right, and then Raab ended up getting expelled because of it!" Ryan yells.

"For smearing shit all over the school's lockers?" You cry in disgust.

Ryan hums in response and giggles once again. Once you two had properly calmed down, you point out that you both had arrived at your apartment. It almost looks as though Ryan is upset as he walks you up to your apartment building's front door. You both stop in front of the building, and he gently takes your hands in his.

"I know this is gonna sound weird, and possibly creepy, but you are really, really pretty. Beautiful, even." He remarks, biting his lip as though he's pondering what to say next.

"Yes?" You question, urging him to speak what's on his mind.

"Can I... kiss you?" He sheepishly looks up at you through his eyelashes.

You scoff and say, "Is that even a question?" You then cautiously grab his chin and bring him in for a passionate kiss. After almost 10 seconds, you both pull back for air. He rests his forehead on yours.

"Wow," he says in awe.

You slowly pull back his face to find that his cheeks are slightly dusted pick. "Do you wanna know something?" You whisper. He just nods his head in response. "I've been waiting for you to do that since high school."

[hannahbarberra162]

hOrnithology For Beginners, Chapter 2

on Ao3 Previous Chapter Next Chapter

You have to suspend disbelief for this story - just enjoy the ride. I really wanted Ace to be in it, so don’t think too hard about the timeline. This is just silly fun.

I learned a lot about birds writing this.

Since you and Etta were going on a double date the following day - against your better judgment - she released you from your promise of going out to the bar that night. You watched as she flirted with Ace after he woke up from his mid-meal nap, laughing at something he said to her. She pointed at you, indicating you were the friend in question for tomorrow’s activities. You wanted to flip them off, but you didn’t want to get in the way of Etta’s fun. So instead you waved once and almost smiled. That would have to be enough. Only Etta and Ace waved back. 

It was busy in the restaurant, so you didn’t get a chance to tell Etta about the phoenix you’d seen. You were constantly thinking about it, hoping it was still on the island. It probably wasn’t, but a girl could dream. Your shift ended and you headed back home to pack some camping gear for the night. Since you didn’t have to work the following day you could indulge in camping out near the waterfall, one of your favorite things to do. You packed up quickly, making sure to grab your blowgun and poison tipped darts. With waterfoul on the island, you wanted to be prepared in case someone got any ideas for a quick cash grab. 

Trekking out to the waterfall, you were scrutinizing the landscape for any errant phoenix feathers that may have fallen. They were said to have healing properties when ground up into medicine, but you just wanted to keep it in your collection. Unfortunately there were no phoenix feathers, but you did find a nice tern feather specimen that you tucked into your ponytail for safe keeping. That was enough to make you happy while you set up your camp.

You hadn’t eaten dinner yet, so you pulled out the fresh fruit you’d cut up at home. You needed to eat it first since there was no refrigeration outdoors. Opening your container of pineapple, you popped a piece into your mouth and you hummed contentedly. Pineapple was your favorite fruit, dessert, breakfast, lunch and dinner all rolled into one. You ate as much as you could without getting mouth sores. 

You were munching heartily when you had the feeling someone was watching you. You swiveled your head but didn’t see anyone, or hear anything. You put one more piece into your mouth and set down the container. You slowly reached for your blowgun, preparing in case of trouble. As you grabbed it, you felt a rush of wind behind you. Turning to look, you broke into a huge smile. The phoenix from yesterday was perched in a nearby tree, perhaps 5 meters away. You admired it silently for several moments, watching its blue flames flicker.

You couldn’t believe your good fortune. It was astounding that the phoenix had stayed on the island and that you’d gotten to see it twice. You were reaching for your pencils and sketchbook slowly when the bird gracefully flew down and sat near you. You didn’t move - you didn’t breathe. It meandered over to you, looking interestedly at the pineapple.

Marco POV

He knew he’d seen you somewhere before. He hadn’t realized the charming woman from the woods yesterday was the same as the surly waitress in the restaurant. The work uniform was part of the reason he hadn’t noticed, your hair slicked back into a severe bun and wearing the same apron as your coworkers. But it was your attitude and demeanor that made you unfamiliar to him even though he’d met you before. Out here you were relaxed, free, and full of life. You smiled easily and delighted in the nature around you. You were beautiful in an unconventional way - like your features had been perfectly balanced to make you alluring. Even when working, it was clear you were pretty but it was tempered by your…temper. 

In the restaurant you seemed like you’d rather be eating glass than working. You had no patience for him and his brothers especially, practically throwing their orders on the table and stomping away. Marco was used to not getting a warm reception at some islands - some civilians were hostile towards pirates - but with you it seemed to be more than the usual distrust. He didn’t think they’d been there before, so he wasn’t sure what was irking you. He didn’t take it personally, there were good reasons why some people didn’t like pirates. 

You had spotted him in his bird form the previous evening as he relaxed from a long day. Though he often favored a hybrid form for fighting and day-to-day activities, he felt more rested when he shifted completely - either to human or bird. He had been sitting and enjoying a moment of solitude away from his boisterous family when he heard you rustling in the forest. You were astounded at the sight of him, like he was the sun and you a moth drawn to him. He had briefly watched you draw his figure - you were quick but precise with your lines. It was an accurate and flattering sketch, one he would have normally asked for. But hearing his “voice” when he was in bird form was jarring for anyone who hadn’t experienced it and he didn’t want to scare you. So he enjoyed the moment and flew away, leaving you with a fond memory. 

Something that was convenient about being an infamous pirate is that Marco rarely had to introduce himself. Not only was he a Whitebeard Commander, but his Zoan fruit made him a memorable personality on the seas. Surely you knew who he was by the emblem on his chest and well…that he was a phoenix. Though, if you did, you would have probably warmed up to him and spoken to him at the restaurant, he thought bemusedly. Well, seeing this you again was a nice surprise. Your friend had spoken highly about your ornithological knowledge to Ace, assuring him you were the best birder on the island. He wanted to see what you’d do when faced with a legendary bird - maybe your curiosity would trump your dislike. 

You were eating and humming to yourself, watching a tanager hunting for food. You looked peaceful and serene, enjoying the evening’s fair weather. He watched you for a few minutes until the hairs on the back of your neck alerted you to his presence. You reached for a blowgun, at which point Marco decided to make himself known. Even though it wouldn’t hurt him there was no need for violence. He made enough movement for you to track him and watched as you stared up at him adoringly. The look you gave him was a mixture of awe, reverence, and naked joy. He wouldn’t admit it, but he always enjoyed when people stared at his bird form. Who doesn't like to be appreciated now and again? He kept himself from preening under your gaze.

He later realized you weren’t going to do anything unless he initiated. Maybe you didn’t know how to act around a transformed Zoan Devil Fruit user? Marco saw you were eating pineapple and tilted his head, asking for silent permission to have some. Your mouth opened into a perfect circle, and you spoke softly.

“Please, go ahead. Have as much as you like.” Marco nodded his head in thanks and ate a few pieces from the container. Good pineapple. While he was eating, you started drawing him again. This time you had brought more colors and were sketching smaller areas of his figure. You were watching him intently and sketching as fast as you could. You were very talented, he thought, both in terms of anatomical accuracy as well as capturing the essence of his spirit. He finished off the last of your pineapple to his dismay. Marco realized he hadn't eaten dinner yet and was still hungry. Oh well, maybe he’d see you another time. He prepared for flight.

“Would you like more food? I have plenty.” For once, Marco didn’t have anywhere to be immediately and a free meal was always welcome. He inclined his head once more. You scrambled to get him food as quickly as you could - he could get used to being treated like this.

“I’m not sure what you prefer to eat but you can have whatever you’d like.” You set out a veritable buffet in front of him - meat, vegetables, fruit, rice, bread. He was spoiled by Thatch’s cooking but yours was tasty as well. He ate until full and trilled in gratitude. What a pleasant evening this had turned out to be. You were still furiously sketching, now working on a drawing of his wings. He looked over at it and as a thank you for the dinner, spread out his wing for you to get a better look. You gasped and reached out your fingers on autopilot as if to stroke the downy feathers. At the last second you yanked your hand back, probably afraid he would dislike the touch. Marco stood patiently, allowing you to draw his wings and smaller feathers.

“Thank you,” you said. It was simple but full of genuine emotion. You drew silently for a while, referencing his body every few seconds.

“What’s that symbol on you? Some kind of sigil? I didn’t get a good look at it yet” you said, talking to yourself. Marco turned and faced you so you could see the Whitebeard symbol adorning his chest. OK, now you’d have to put two and two together, especially since you’d seen his and Ace’s prominent tattoos over lunch. Besides, Whitebeard had one of the most recognizable jolly rogers in the world.

“I know what that is. That’s the Whitebeard jolly roger.” See, you figured it out. Soon he’d shift back into his human form and see if he could charm you now that you understood. Maybe you’d be more receptive to him now.

You scowled and spoke like acid burned your tongue. “I can’t believe Whitebeard would maim such a beautiful creature with his disgusting jolly roger.” You looked mournfully at Marco. “I’m sorry. He’s an Emperor, and really strong, I could never fight him. But I would do anything if you need help.”

Y/N POV

Could birds sigh? It really sounded like the phoenix had sighed. You felt so bad for it, knowing that some shitty pirate had harmed it. It was an intriguing thought though - how had he done it? To your knowledge, the phoenix should have been immune to that kind of damage. But you had no doubt that pirates had enough nefarious weapons to hurt even the strongest of birds. The bird gave you a look of… exasperation? It exhaled once and flew off into the dusk. You still held your breath - no matter if you saw the phoenix daily you’d appreciate its beauty every time.

~~~

Marco POV

Marco seldomly fought with any of his siblings. He didn’t need or want to - his generally relaxed attitude meant he didn’t care about the petty squabbles of daily life. However, that morning he had grabbed Ace with a taloned leg and thrown him to the ground. Even though Marco had the most seniority on the ship, Ace had the most experience with being a little shit. 

Marco had volunteered to be the second man on the date to everyone’s surprise. They had all agreed you were pretty but it wasn’t enough to sway their opinions on your attitude. Ace had cornered Deuce and was trying to coerce his friend when Marco offered to tag along. 

“I’ll be your second, yoi” Marco said, allowing Deuce scurry away from Ace.

“Really? Why? I mean, thank you, but why? Etta and her friend are hot but her friend seems…bitchy.” 

“I met her friend yesterday and the day before actually. She can be very enjoyable company.” Marco did not include the part where you thought he was only a bird.

“Are you sure? She’s a looker but I think she’s only looking for birds….ooohhhhh.” Ace’s brain finally caught up. “So did you show her your bird form? Did she lose her mind?”

“She saw it yoi.” 

“Then why was she so mean-spirited yesterday? Maybe she doesn’t like phoenixes?” Ace mused.

“No, she likes the phoenix. A lot.” Ace thought about Marco’s words for a moment and broke into a mischievous smile and barked out a laugh.

“She doesn’t know!! She might be the only person on the Grand Line who doesn’t know you’re The Phoenix! Oh my god this is too good I’m gonna go tell everyone right now, that’s so funny.” Ace ran away to run his mouth. Marco was fast but Ace with gossip was like lightning on earth. After chasing him down in hybrid form, Marco grabbed Ace and shoved him down onto the deck with a talon.

“Don’t. Say. Anything. Yoi.” Marco said as he held down a still-laughing Ace. Marco closed his eyes. It would be wrong to claw his brother. And useless.

“Just don’t. Let it be.” 

Ace was still giggling but finally agreed. The truth was that Marco liked seeing you with your guard down when he was in bird form. You were sweet, kind, intelligent, and beautiful. He wanted to see if you would show him that side of you when he was in his human form too. 

Y/N POV

The next morning there was no phoenix but you did get to enjoy some solo birding before your social obligation. You trekked around, sketched some newly arrived birds, and went swimming in your waterfall. The only stain marring your perfect day was the thought of the upcoming double date. You wished Etta had just asked you to play tour guide for her and Ace - but you knew she was not-so-subtly trying to get you to “have some fun.” For her, you’d tolerate whoever for a few hours. And you’d keep your dart gun close by too. 

Unfortunately time passed and you headed up to the main path for the date. You saw Etta from afar and waved to her. She was wearing shorts, which you had told her not to do. They made her ass look phenomenal but weren’t suited to the activity.

“Hey! Are you ready?” Etta clearly was excited. You weren’t going to rain on her parade, you’d be on good behavior.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” you said neutrally. “Hey, listen, you should wear long pants. You look incredible right now but there’s tons of ticks and berry bugs out there. I have an extra pair, do you want to switch?” You unzipped your pack and took out an extra pair you had.

“Oh yeah, thanks, I forgot compl - oh, look!  There’s Ace! Ace! Over here!” She waved at Ace who spotted her. He smiled a thousand watt smile and waved back. You could see why she liked him - he was exceptionally cute. Not your type, but you could imagine him dropping panties all up and down the Grand Line. Along with Ace was another pirate - the Pineapple one. He looked calm and half awake. Fine by you if he passed out before you all set off. 

“Hey Ace! I was just -uh - I need to change into long pants. Give me a moment? I’ll be right back.” Etta grabbed the pants and went to change over in the public washrooms. 

“Hi,” you said. You were going to be nice, not conversational.

Ace didn’t seem to mind. “Hi! I’m Ace, this is Marco,” he said, gesturing to the tall man beside him. “We’re Whitebeard pirates. Thank you for taking us out to look for beetles, it’s kind of a silly hobby of mine.” You frowned when he said Whitebeard pirates, thinking about that poor phoenix getting marked. 

“Beetles are a fascinating species and they provide a lot to various ecosystems,” you said. Talking about birds and associated topics would be an easy way to seem cordial but not provide any personal information. 

“Yeah, my younger brother is really into them and I keep a record of what I see so I can tell him when we meet up,” Ace said, pulling out a small weathered notebook.

“Would you mind if I took a look?” you asked with genuine curiosity. Since he traveled around to different islands, it would be interesting to see what he had found. Ace handed you the notebook and you flipped through it with care. He had fairly good descriptions and accompanying drawings. You were able to identify many of the beetles he had listed and told him about some of the species he’d seen. He was paying attention, to your surprise, and was asking about a rare hercules beetle when Etta returned.

Etta came up and looked Ace up and down. “Oh, we didn’t tell them to wear long pants. Do you think they’ll be OK?” she asked you.

“Oh yeah, no problem. Marco and I won’t have any issues because we’re…” Marco gave Ace a pinch on the neck. “Uh, we are..used to it. We’re used to it, we uh, go outside all the time.” Ace was obviously lying - and poorly - but whatever. If they got ticks it wasn’t your problem. Time to look for beetles. 

[luxxtuxx]

you’re comfortable writing it, you could have reader have adhd and that means she forgets things a lot, lots of things being necessary things like eating and putting on her glasses/ contacts, you could have her forget to eat one day and since hobie is busy he can’t check her vitals until he pays her an impromptu visit and sees that she’s super tired and sluggish and he realizes she hasn’t been eating (you could totally take this any route you want I just think it would be cute if he sets himself an alarm to check her vitals just incase)

Her Condition After Week-Long Mission

Im changing up the plot a little because I can /hj

CW: Hobie being sappy, ACCURATE Potrail of ADHD (I have ADHD, so these are sorta based on real events).

Little quip: does anyone else go to use words, but they are so often used in a sexual manner that you gotta rephrase so you don't sound nasty?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hobie knew of Y/N's Neurodivergentcy habits and made a pact with himself to not step in unless absolutely necessary. So the longer they were together, he always knew what needed to be stocked in the house at all times, and more ways to help during sensory overload.

This punk constantly checked on them, if he had the day off and they were hyper-focused on something, he'd keep all 3 different drinks at their respective temperatures and make sure they at least snack on something throughout working.

Then Miguel called him and told him he'd be gone on a mission for a week. Hobie knew it was important, so he tried to make sure they had everything in the apartment to be okay... with a kiss he left.

Day 1: Everything was normal, they woke up early, took a quick shower, started work, and worked all night, only breaking to go to the bathroom. They were so focused on work they had forgotten to eat something, and the light tinge from not eating they wrote off as 'Just missing Hobie"

Day 2: They felt a bit more drowsy than normal, but they made some eggs, ate half, and got distracted by the mountain of dishes, the dishes reminded them of the laundry, and doing the laundry reminded them to shower. And so by the time they remembered to sit down and work it was about....11:54pm Day 3: They had slept at their desk on accident so now, they were tired, in pain, and stressed because the boss moved the project date sooner. they only moved to go to the coffee pot and bathroom all day.

Day 4: They were knocked out in bed exhausted, they knew they had to keep working but they get so stressed out thinking about it. So at 8:30pm they grabbed hobies hoodie and sat on the floor curled up having mental paralysis because of the stress,

Day 5: The burnout started the fading hope of actually getting the work done. it came to the realization that for the past 2 days, they hadn't really eaten much.... sure they had snacked on some loose snacks and had a bunch of coffee, but no real full meals. They tried to shower to help calm the cricks in their back and how ill they were feeling

Day 6: They were back at work again pushing through, ignoring the stomach pain, and the headache. They had woken up and just felt like they were on the verge of a breakdown. Everything was too much right now, they just wanted their comfort human, comfort blanket, and comfort food all in the same place. They were so overloaded sensory wise, they couldn't speak on the company Zoom calls, they were using the chat, and even that felt like too much

Day 7: It was the day hobie came home... it was the day they had off from work. They drifted around like a zombie. They managed to eat a bowl of cereal in between waking up and taking a nap. After that nap, they just sat on the bed completely zoned out... after what felt like maybe 5 minutes, the clouds were gray and hobie was stepping through his portal.

When hobie saw they zoned out, all the coffee mugs towering on the desk and how pale they were. he knew immediately what happened. He quickly got out of all his spider gear, and he made sure to be careful as he moved them to lie down. He kissed their forehead... "Oh, my angel of music... it's okay, just rest. Tomorrow and Tuesday call in sick and I won't take any mission and we can just spend the next two days getting back into our routine, does that sound good?"

They meekly nod as they finally put themselves under the covers of the bed. "Im sorry, it was so much, the boss moved the project date up sooner. I really tried hobie. I mean it I really tried" they sniffle. hobie hugged them tightly and nods "I know angel, and I'm proud you tried, now rest."

BONUS: The next day in the evening

"Hobie..... thank you for everything," Y/N said cuddled into his chest, wrapped in their favorite blanket, eating their comfort food, watching their comfort movie. Hobie just hums "So explain to me again why you like this movie so much??"

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

I posted 1,156 times in 2022

649 posts created (56%)

507 posts reblogged (44%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@neil-gaiman

@fuckyeahgoodomens

@ladydei

@ineffableandco

@lookitsstevie

I tagged 1,101 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#good omens - 377 posts

#gos2 - 366 posts

#season 2 - 307 posts

#bts - 167 posts

#neil gaiman - 147 posts

#fun fact - 143 posts

#ask - 138 posts

#❤ - 119 posts

#crowley - 109 posts

#david tennant - 107 posts

Longest Tag: 112 characters

#aziraphale fixing his bowtie and crowley greeting beelzebub as if they are not there to thwart the armageddon :d

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

From the DVD commentary, episode 1:

Neil: So, we're now in a Chinese restaurant.

Douglas: Now tell us about - are you going to tell us the story about you and Terry...

Neil: Yes, I will.

Douglas: I think that's important one.

Neil: I was gonna say our location is a Chinese restaurant we'd had turned into a sushi restaurant. So Terry and I, Terry Pratchett and I, had a standing... not even a standing joke, just a standing plan, that we were going to have sushi - there was going to be a scene in Good Omens where sushi was eaten and we were gonna be extras, we were gonna sit in the background, eating sushi while it was done. And I was so looking forward to this and, so I wrote this scene with it being sushi, even though Terry was gone, with that in mind and I thought: Oh, I'll sit and I'll eat lots of sushi as an extra, this will be my scene as an extra, I'll just be in the background. And then, on the day, or a couple of days before, I realized that I couldn't do it.

Douglas: You never told me this before either. I might have pushed you into doing it, had I known. I think you were right not to tell me.

Neil: I was keeping it to me self 'cause I was always like: Oh, maybe I'll be... this will be my cameo. And then I couldn't. I was just so sad, 'cause Terry wasn't there. And it was probably the day that I missed Terry the most of all of the filming - it was just this one scene 'cause it was written for Terry and all of the sushi meals we'd ever had and all of the strange way that sushi ran through Good Omens.

10,833 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

#4

11,122 notes - Posted December 1, 2022

#3

See the full post

11,217 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

#2

Micheal Sheen was originally cast as Crowley

(I will never tire of hearing this 🥰)

Neil Gaiman: The truth is that Michael was meant to have played Crowley. That was where it all began: was me going, 'Who do I know who could be Crowley? Michael Sheen loves the book, Michael would do it.', called Michael, do you want to do it, and he's like, 'Yes!', I thought, 'Great, I have a Crowley.'. So when I started writing the scripts, I was writing them going I know I have - at least I have my Crowley, I have Michael Sheen. And around the middle of Episode 3, I was going, 'This Crowley doesn't really feel a lot like Michael Sheen.', and I wrote this sceen when Crowley comes down the center aisle of a church hopping like a man on a beach on a hot day 'cause it's walking on holy ground and I thought, 'David Tennant would be really good at that, I could get David Tennant.', and then when it was all done I figured I had to break it to Michael, that he wasn't going to be Crowley, that I wanted him to be Aziraphale, and he read the scripts, and we had this really really awkward dinner, that because I was trying to pluck the courage to break it to Michael that I wanted him to play Aziraphale, and Michael was trying to find the way to break it to me that he did not want to play Crowley that he wanted to play Aziraphale having read the scripts. So it was an awful dinner until the end where we just like, 'Oh, you too?! Oh! Oh, good! Well I'm thinking of David Tennant, oh good you like him. Okay.' So it became a lot easier at that moment.

11,437 notes - Posted October 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

14,431 notes - Posted June 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[bellyofthebeastgirl]

Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Journal Entry #3475

Current Date: Unknown

I can't remember the last time I've seen the sun. I haven't seen it since it disappeared behind closing teeth and a quivering ripple of flesh. Not since a dragon decided I would make a good lunch.

Time flows differently inside a dragon's stomach. Especially for this long. There is no "day" or "night." Only times when the dragon is awake, and times when it is asleep. My journal uses the dragon's sleep cycle as reference for my log entries, easily identified by a slowed heartbeat and breathing. If each entry counts as a day, that would make it... What?

Nine and a half years?

That doesn't sound right.

How long do dragons sleep? How often?

This doesn't make sense.

If it's been almost 10 years I should have aged. I haven't seen any wrinkles. No grey hairs. My voice is the same. I am - was? - 28. I'd be almost 38 if it was that long. That can't be right. My hands are too soft and supple for someone who's almost in their 40s. My joints are too relaxed, there's no creaking or pain. That's strange.

Especially for someone who spends all their time lying down and sitting.

I don't eat very often either, now that I think about it. Rarely food shows up that I can eat. It's mostly other people, occasionally various kinds of rubble, or just... nondescript meat.

There's the occasional gold mine though. Fruit stands, bakeries, that sort of thing. Usually I can scavenge at least one meal every 5 or so sleep cycles. That's about when I start to get hungry. I can't store anything though. It always disappears.

Water is easy enough, the dragon needs to drink water too. Thankfully my favorite spot is right above the water line, that only appears when the dragon drinks. I just need to lean down and take a few gulps. It tastes... Sour. And earthy. But it's drinkable, at least. It grows on you.

I just can't unfocus on this math telling me it's been almost 10 years since I've been in here. Surely it hasn't been that long? It hasn't felt that long, at least. Several months I'd believe, but nearly a decade?

The dragon takes short naps. Clearly. That must be it.

Does anyone even remember me?

People must think I'm dead, if it's been this long inside a dragon. Nobody survives the belly of a dragon.

Right?

It's weird that I'm the only one in here. Not the only one who's been eaten, but the only one who's stayed this long. The only one who remains. I've had the occasional conversation with other unlucky prey, and although nobody knows who I am it doesn't seem like much has changed on the outside.

So I couldn't have been in here for that long right?

It's always sad waking up the following cycle and realizing whoever was in the stomach with me disappeared. I've tried to stay awake to see what happens, but... I can't stay awake too long after the dragon goes to sleep. I don't know why. I just get... so tired.

It's hard to stay awake when the dragon's body wants me to sleep.

Was I chosen for something?

Is there a purpose for this?

Ew, something dripped on me. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised by it anymore, since I'm never really "dry," but sometimes it catches me off guard. Especially when it's so... Viscous. And heavy. I'll have to wash it out of my hair once there's water in here again.

You would think I'd get bored in here after a while. Like, crippling mental breakage type boredom. Maybe it's the constant stimulation I get. Soft, warm, wet walls that cradle my body and gently pulse against my skin, occasionally lathering me in this... slimy goo. The beating of the dragon's heartbeat above me, every breath rumbling around me, the churning and gurgling of the dragon's organs beneath me. That sharp, acidic smell that's oddly balanced by a deep earthy scent that makes it easier than you might think to let it fade into the background. A soft orange glow that offers a surprising amount of visibility, enough to let me see every detail of the stomach walls, slick folds of flesh undulating rhythmically around me like a tent on a windy day.

There's a lot to experience, and it's surprisingly relaxing.

Well, now it is. At first I was terrified beyond belief.

I can barely remember my first day here, and my last day as an adventurer. But I do still remember.

We were hunting a dragon, naturally. This dragon. I was a knight, once upon a time, in a party of 4. First before me was our leader, the grumpy old wizard who wasn't really old. He was like 34, he just got grey hairs early. Next there was the cleric, a bright young man in very plain clothes for his profession. He was always so sweet. Then there was the rogue. She was always quiet. We never really got along.

I can't remember their names.

Anyway, hunting the dragon.

We approached the cave at dusk. At the time, we had decided that challenging the dragon while it was going to sleep would make the dragon easier to fight. In theory, we were right.

We did not know the dragon was nocturnal.

Much of the fight is a blur. Fire, blood, screaming. Then... Teeth. A warm, wet tongue cradling my body.

I remember the crunch of steel as it delicately bit through my armor.

The dragon's teeth peeled it off like the lid of a can.

Though, most of what I actually remember was just hot breath and a wet blur. I'd gotten saliva in my eyes, so I was unable to see the dragon spit out my armor like pistachio shells.

Then... it did something strange. I thought it was strange, at least.

It carried me out of its cave.

And showed me the sunset.

I remember a cascade of red and purple and orange, dancing across the horizon like fluttering sheets of light.

And then the dragon's mouth closed. And it pulled me backwards by the sheer strength of its tongue.

I remember how tight the dragon's throat was as it closed around me, yet how soft the flesh was as it carried me downwards.

I remember the sinking feeling in my gut as I fell, sliding down the dragon's throat. And I remember hearing its beating heart get louder and louder until it jostled my bones, only to grow softer again as I dropped below it. I remember feeling squeezed through the end of the dragon's throat, only to land with a wet plop in the dragon's stomach.

The rest is kind of a blur.

I remember being afraid, and slamming fists against the walls of my prison of meat. I remember a deafeningly loud growl all around me.

And then the dragon took flight.

I hadn't ridden any airships or flying beasts before, so to say I was ill prepared is an understatement. It threw me backwards into a wall and nearly made me lose my lunch. Not that it would've mattered. I found my balance quick enough afterwards at least, reaching a comfortable lying position against the soft flesh of the dragon.

Flying is incredible.

I'm not sure what else to say about it. There wasn't much to see, but the feeling of flying for the first time is something I'll never forget.

Ironically, I felt free.

That was the first time I fell asleep.

It was a blissful, complete sleep.

When I woke up I felt like a new person.

And I've been here ever since.

Nearly 10 years, huh?

Maybe I'll celebrate.

I'm starting to get tired again.

[crystalelemental]

Kitties update. Interactions and Coco's Braveries.

Let's start with individual celebrations. Gia is no longer running from us as immediately, and is willingly receiving pets with her meals. She's still less affectionate than Coco, but she's never mean, just not as engaged. She's our independent daughter.

Coco, meanwhile, is getting so close to a Category 5 Lap Event.

We brought out a step for Bond, because he's old and can't make it to the couch. Coco has decided this is her perch, although if my wife isn't on the couch, Coco will sometimes come up to the far side of it with me. Please note: Coco on her perch would not look at me, because cat mother was playing video games and she has front row seats.

When I'm not on the couch, she will steal my spot. Every time. We're getting to the point I can pet her on the couch, but only if I'm standing. If I get to close while sitting she doesn't seem to love that, but we are getting better about it. Moreover, I was able to give her a Coco Kissie today. It was on her back when she wasn't looking at me, because she gets scared if my face gets too close. She startled at first and made to run, but then realized she wasn't being eaten and came back. She seems to be a bit calmer about me getting close now, and is getting very direct about seeking attention. She tried to jump the baby gate one day, and is getting close to the bedroom when I wake up. I was also able to coax her out from under the guest bed, which is absolutely huge. We'll get her to that vet appointment yet.

Now, we're still acclimating Bond and the gremlins. It's very slow going and I don't think it's quite perfect, but it's improving.

While we're home, we leave the baby gate down and monitor them. This is, in part, because Bond had to have some teeth extracted. He's old, they knew he had a cracked tooth, but apparently it got infected. They told us that during surgery, two of his teeth just fell out on their own once the first was taken. So apparently, some of his harder to read behaviors may have been because his entire face hurt. Hard to say how long he was like that, but we seem to have caught it before infection could spread all that far. Crisis averted.

Anyway, while hopped up on painkillers, he was as zonked as you would imagine, which meant he wouldn't be aggressive toward them because he barely registers that they're there. This went okay. He'd wander around, completely oblivious, and Coco would kinda stay away and hiss a bit. She does not like him very much, but she's at least not hostile. She'll run if he gets too close. And being younger, she and Gia can jump around to the window alcove, where he can't reach. Which is good.

The problem right now is that it seems Bond is food aggressive. I assume this is because he isn't getting as much food as he was before, in part because he is super chunk and needs to lose a bit of weight, but also in part because he seems to think all people food is his food and I don't play that game. So if he sees the other two eating anything, he will growl at minimum, and charged Gia about it, so Gia's actually scared of him. He did get scolded though, and I like to think the other two recognized we're keeping them safe too.

The only reason this creates a problem is that right now, Bond is coming out of his stupor and is hungry, but he can't eat easily. So he sees their food and wants to go for it, but that's not his. We'll set out the same food for him in a separate bowl in a separate spot, but he won't eat his, he goes after theirs. It's difficult to get him to differentiate. Also difficult to get him not to be a bastard. The girls eat intermittently for a few hours after being fed, and we want them to have that, but if we let him out in the living room to sit with us, he'll get aggressive about seeing them eat. We could feed them in a separate spot, but the house is small and I can't think of a great space for it. Also I feel like eventually we need to figure out a way for them to get along, even with food present, so I'm not sure how to introduce all that.

Still, the fact they're tolerating each other from a distance is a good start. We're using the guest room to mingle scent, giving Bond access some days and the girls access other days, as a sort of "common area." I'm thinking this might be where we feed them when we go into work, so it's an associated location that alternates. We did have a toy exchange. Coco liked Bond's plush banana, and he liked a little jingle toy. Neither was the other's favorite, but it is coated in their scent, so again, we're hoping the exchange works.

Slow but steady progress. We're not quite at unsupervised mingling, and Coco does not yet trust me enough to be placed in my lap, but we're close.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi! Encampment anon again. It's going okay so far, though the police with visible guns circling us is unnerving even though they just say hello and monitor us (while we monitor them). I'm the same anon from ages ago who struggled finding balance and getting overwhelmed at protests and I think I might still have that problem. Yesterday I was working from 4am to 10pm: some time at the encampment, then distributing meal leftovers to unhoused folks around there, then cooking trays of dinner (1/4)

for the campers, helping design pamphlets, and the in-between periods working on my final exams. But by evening when I was cooking I was extremely overwhelmed by the loud and messy kitchen and couldn’t speak to the people coming to transport the food which felt rude, since I was signing to my friend and she was talking for me, even though I could technically have spoken if I had tried more. I know part of mutual aid is community, but the social part of that seems quite hard, even if I am (2/4)

ready and willing to help. I also missed the two fun things I had planned for the day because of how busy it was, and while that’s fine, I’m also not sure how much time I am supposed to be taking for fun when I have exams as well as all this. People helped me yesterday, a lot, and I helped them, but I feel like I should be helping them more and require less support because I technically could. I also can’t really cut back because I will feel terrible if any of these things don’t get done (3/4)

when I could have done them; if food gets thrown away because no one else hands it out, then the waste of food is my fault. But I know thinking like this is not helping me, so I don’t really know what to do. [Also I don’t know if this is relevant but it may inform what advice you give, a counselor has suggested I might be autistic, though I’m not sure whether or not I agree. Either way, even before all of this began I was struggling a lot to keep things together.] (4/4)

Oh also I just realized that I have not slept much, eaten most of my meals, showered, cleaned my room, or such things since this has all begun (like three days or so). So I definitely need to change something about my approach but I can't figure out what. I just forget to do those things, and if I remember I should, I still don't have the energy to. Sorry for the really long rant, you've just helped me a lot with your advice in the past and I need some more help I think. (5/4)

***********

Oh anon - sending you so much love and solidarity. You're doing amazing - and like I said before - you have everything you need.

When I read this - it feels like what you're asking is what am I doing wrong or how can I be better at it? And the answer is, of course, absolutely nothing - there's no need to be better and also it's not really possible. The difficulties you're facing aren't because there's something unique about you that means that you get overwhelmed after working from 4am to 10pm. The difficulties are the nature of organising in this sort of heightened political moment. All student occupations have been people in them who were exhausted and overwhelmed and not eaten or showered.

Moments of collective resistance in political crisis are not times for intentional improvement (you are of course growing and learning and changing - you can't help it). But the only problem you're describing here is your anxiety that you're doing something wrong. And the only thing that you could work on - is gently telling the voices in your head that there's something wrong with you to fuck off. But it's not really the time - it's far too easy get involved with meta anxiety - you already describe being anxious about being anxious

Does it help if I'm gentle with you - and tell you you're doing great. It's not your fault if food is wasted. It really doesn't matter that you haven't tidied your room. And people who haven't showered for three days are more common and socially acceptable political occupations than most of the rest of society - even when people aren't overwhelmed. You describe yourself as accepting help and identifying when you're overwhelmed and withdrawing - that's incredible and not something I knew how to do when I was your age (and for a long time after).

I remember at a time of intense political crisis getting very worked up about whether I was coping well - and looking back and all I can think of how absurd it was that I expected myself to cope at all.

I will give a couple of pieces of practical advice. Prioritise eating - not eating does make things harder. You describe yourself as giving out food, but not eating. What do you need from the situation so that you can eat yourself? If you can't figure it out - can you talk it through with a friend? Don't let the perfect be the enemy of any sustenance is good here. What do you need so you'll eat some food several times a day?

The other is - do you have any friends (or family - but if I understand that's less likely in the US) who are sympathetic, but not involved? I also have vivid memories of going to a friend's house - five days into crisis organising. Hanging out and then going to a movie. That was really replenishing. If you have someone who values the work that you're doing, but isn't part of it - spending some time away from it all can make a real difference.

I guess what both of these having in common is that they're looking after yourself in gentle ways - relying on other people a little bit. Recognising what you need - but also accepting that this is really hard and it's going to have an impact on you and it's OK that it has an impact on you.

Again sending you all the love and solidarity. Don't apologise for the long rant. I loved hearing from you - come back any time.

[bucketofchum]

Been thinking about teenAtumu growing up in his shitty foster situation, where he usually eats an average of once every 1-3 days, situation dependent.

The only money he gets are when his foster dad gives him some cash to buy basic household shit and sometimes groceries to cook for the family.

A lot of times his foster parents will order food, so Atumu gets to use the groceries for himself. He can usually make the food last about a week if he eats once a day. But sometimes the parents expect food to be ready at home, which cuts into how many meals Atumu has for himself, so it has happened that he hasn't eaten for 2-3 days. It's not every week, but it's not too rare. He averages perhaps 5 meals a week.

When he is finally enrolled into public school at age 16/17, he realizes there is a dedicated time when everyone eats. He doesn't usually have the $2.50 for daily school lunches, but he can sometimes pack his precooked lunches.

At some point, Startop notices a day when he doesn't have a lunch, and Atumu lies (poorly) that he already ate. Startop shares his lunch with Atumu, but Atumu is fairly reluctant because he knows he can't afford to pay Star back.

It has happened several times that Startop packs an extra lunch for Atumu when he notices it's a frequent occurence that Atumu doesn't have food. Atumu is clearly starving, but keeps insisting against taking the food because all he can think of is how he can't afford to be indebted when he can't pay it off. Star lives in a communal housing with his sister and her many kids and roommates, so there's always food in the house. He doesn't manage his own finances, so he doesn't understand Atumu's panic.

Atumu did try to pay Star back at some point - with cash, which Startop thought was ridiculous. Then with a home cooked meal (at the expense, of course, of Atumu eating), which Star enjoyed but didn't understand. But Atumu knew he couldn't keep accepting Star's food because he couldn't maintain paying him back. Star really never understood this idea of "paying back" - he never expected it and he never asked for it. He tried insisting against it.

Finally, they found a good compromise with Star inviting Atumu back home with him. Startop would feed him dinner, and Atumu would help tutor him and help him finish his homework. This hardly felt fair for Atumu, since schoolwork is an absolute joy for him, and it felt like an uneven trade, but Startop was able to convince him. No one had spent the time to help explain the concepts at a pace and in a way that Startop could understand, like Atumu did.

Plus, Atumu spending after school evenings with Startop meant less time with his abusive parents, which would be both a good thing and a bad thing.

At some point, Star wanted to come over Atumu's house just to see how Atumu lives, and it's a huge point of stress for Atumu. He doesn't live in a great condition and he knows his foster parents, rarely sober, can be very unpredictable. The house is hardly fit for guests.

...that's a story for another time I guess

[lotfseal]

LOTF blog#5 #lovepiggy #justkilledsimon

After most of the people from my group left me for Jack; Piggy, me, and I, think Simon was all that was left. I told Piggy that bathing was pretty much the only thing left that we needed to do. While getting in the water, Piggy and I both admire the clouds and reminisce about how on the first night of the crash landing it rained really hard. Then Piggy starts blabbing about how if he gets his specs wet he needs to get out, so I start squirting some water at him. It's kind of fun to pick on him but when I think about it, Piggy is the only friend I got. I start laughing and then eventually Piggy starts laughing with me. After some silence, Piggy and I start listing things we want such as to go home, or cooler air. I asked Piggy where the rest of the people (the ones that were left) went and Piggy claimed that they also left to go to Jack’s party while pointing in a certain direction. Then my stomach started to growl but I don’t think Piggy heard it, that’s when I remember Jack was having a feast with a bunch of food. I stare in the direction he pointed at and then quickly look down at the water. Then Piggy said “P’raps we ought to go too” and I quickly looked at him, and then his face turned red. I can’t believe he’d think that we would go to Jack’s dumb party with all their stupid hunters. But I am, after all, very hungry, and after taking another glance at Piggy, I’m sure he is too. So I squirt water at Piggy again and then we start to get out and head to Jack’s “feast.” When me and Piggy arrived, we saw a big fire with a pig on top and some boys handing out meat to everyone. I don’t know if Jack saw us, but I took a piece of meat and so did Piggy. We ate silently, enjoying the meal because we hadn’t eaten in days. Then Jack starts asking if everyone had enough meat, which I guess was him trying to act like a leader, but no one answered him. Serves him right, if anything he is a fake leader, they only like him because he is crazy enough to hunt and touch pig droppings for food. Then he asked if they ate enough meat far more aggressively and everyone answered in a sort of mumbled panic. That’s when I realize that the boys only follow Jack because they are afraid of him; there is no way they think he is a real leader. Suddenly, Jack asks the group who will join him, which is bizarre, he is just using the food he got to his advantage. He has no real leadership abilities; everyone is crazy if they join him. I speak up saying that all they do is chase food but then Jack interrupts me stating that I, too, chase after food. My face goes crimson and I start stuttering but then I remember the conch and so I say, “I’ve got the conch” but then Jack laughs in a sort of “So what?” manner. None of them care about the rules anymore. I start talking about how they have no shelters for the heavy rain that is about to fall but then Jack starts saying “Do our dance”, do what dance? A group of boys start getting up with spears and going around in a circle chanting. Rain started pouring down along with some thunder and it kind of put me in a trance. I started dancing with them and singing along too. The beast crawled into the circle, so they started stabbing it. The beast came amidst a feast! More meat for all of us, I guess. Piggy and I started jumping and walking around in a circle and soon everyone joined in. We were all having fun but then, we heard someone screaming about the mountain or a body. I couldn’t really hear the chants and thunder. But then after the dance I looked back, and I wanted to puke. I didn’t- I couldn’t have been with the group. We didn’t kill any beast or pig, or even a boar. We had killed Simon. Simon was the beast, and we, including Piggy and I, were part of the group that murdered him. 

[fitgothgirl]

Three things ask:

What's your favorite thing about yourself?

What's the coolest adventure you've ever been on (can be literally anything big or small!)?

What's the most delicious meal you've ever eaten?

I’ve been told by a few different people that I have this "zest for life" - those exact words have been said at least twice, and in other words, even more times. I see what they mean and I like hearing that and knowing that it's noticeable. 😊 I'm just a romantic at heart even in hard times and love just thinking about existence and aging and the cycle of seasons, etc... (started getting witchy there haha). My own attitude often reminds me of the Lord Byron quote "The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain." (is it overkill goth to quote Lord Byron? Lol)

Oof, coolest adventure is a hard one. Makes me smile to know that it's hard because I have lots of great adventures to choose from though. 🥰 I probably gotta land on my first Coachella. I know a lot of people roll their eyes at Coachella lol but I was 22 (2012) and had only just gotten out of a terribly mentally abusive relationship 5 months prior and was newly with my bf. It was such an amazing experience, including all the preparation and driving down in a caravan of new friends I met through my bf that are still friends to this day. I felt so free to be out in the world like that after basically being on lockdown the previous few years (and before that I was barely 18, so it was like my adulthood was really starting) and I was realizing all the things I could do with my life. The vibes of the festival were more chill back then too and less "instagram focused" lol (although not entirely), and it was just a lot of love and togetherness and just *chef's kiss*. I also specifically remember rushing through the fields in between artists when it was nighttime and my bf was leading me by the hand and suddenly he turned around just to say that he loved me and truly felt like we were going to be together for the rest of our lives, and he kissed me and it was a warm night with music bumping around us and lights and it was just a magical little moment that always stuck with me. 🥰 (and here we are 11 years later hehe) (and yes, there were... substances that were enjoyed while there too haha)

Honestly? The best meal I've had may have been a month and a half ago when I was in San Diego and we went to a really good steak house (Lou & Mickey's). I almost always go for filet mignon but I know it's not super flavorful compared to other cuts since it's so lean. So I went for a ribeye that also had mushrooms and onions on top, and I think almost all the others in my bf's family got ribeye too. We were all just floored... I even took pictures!:

Thanks for asking! 😁

[la-principessa-nuova]

week 1 on my adhd meds felt like i kind of understood what was happening

week 2 i’m just so confused what’s even happening

like i stayed up really late twice in a row and i’m not sure how much or in what way the meds might have contributed to that happening

and then i felt so tired the next day it was really hard to judge much but that’s just from lack of sleep

then i went to bed normal time the next night

but somehow slept through all of my alarms and woke up at 10:30 and ran upstairs for work still half asleep

and nobody said anything about it or asked when i joined the meeting 30 minutes late so 🤷‍♀️ but maybe i just lucked out bc most of the team was out today so things were a little weird anyway

and then i was really easily distracted today because there was this one thing that was really bugging me about the code i was working on that i kept looking into instead of doing what i was supposed to

but then it turned out i uncovered a pretty major issue so idk maybe that was actually a normal thing to get caught up on

but i was like dead tired after work and went straight to lay down in bed but then something happened and my parents needed me to watch the dog so i went and got her and i was feeling a bit more awake by then after getting a break from work

and then i organized my pins and ate dinner but now im so tired again

which is normal and good to be tired at this time i guess but i need to get ready for bed if im doing that now

and also like i’ve been eating way less

which i can certainly afford to

but i think that’s from a thing my therapist suggested

and it basically has completely changed my relationship with food

but i just like feel so thrown off my game

and like who’s life am i even living?

idk

but i make meals and sit down at the table to eat now

and i like it, it turns out

eating is way more enjoyable when you focus on it and take your time

instead of rushing to inhale a frozen pizza so you can use your lunch break to scroll tumblr

i’ve learned a lot about dissociation this week, especially depersonalization, partially from reading about it and partially from hands on experience

and today i did not take care of myself

after running upstairs late to work and demoing what i did yesterday when i worked a little late to the people who needed to see what i did, i went downstairs to use the bathroom, brush my teeth, etc.

i should have just taken an early lunch, but i decided to try finishing that work first so someone who needed my changes to do their work could have it ready.

but i should have brought up a drink, and i didn’t. so after finishing the one i poured last night and brought up with me in the morning, i had nothing all day.

and then i just forgot to go to lunch, and i worked until after 6.

btw i’m supposed to work 9-5 (mostly flexible but i have a meeting at 10 every day), but this week i worked 9:30-9:30, 9:30-6, 10-4, 9:30-6, and 10:30-6.

Part of that was not respecting my own needs over other people’s and pushing while burnt out to get something done that somebody else is waiting on, and part of it was just hyperfocusing on something interesting at the end of the day and suddenly realizing it’s late and I feel so tired I’m not sure I can handle the stairs, sometimes at the same time.

so i found myself at the end of the day having not eaten or drinken anything all day aside from the rest of my water from last night, until i cracked open a can of soda at like 7pm, which i drank over the course of like 2 hours.

so at like 9:30 i had only had that to drink, and i’d eaten some trail mix at some point between work and then, and i still felt all out of sorts

and then i had a very small dinner (not like intentionally trying to eat a small dinner, i just made something small just to get some vegetables in and then after eating it i was like “i guess i’m done eating now”)

and now i’m laying in bed typing this feeling really tired and wanting to just roll over and sleep but i do need to least take my meds and brush my teeth and hopefully have the energy to shower after that

and then i should go to sleep but im like so likely to suddenly be awake

[purplesurveys]

1765

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship?  No, the one time I was in a relationship I hid it from them and they're not the type to meddle too much so it was never brought up.

Have you ever had to give someone directions before?  I've been approached before, but I have the worst sense of direction and don't trust myself to guide them, so I usually redirect them to just use Waze. Which tbf why won't they use Waze anyway? Hkdhfkjsfhskhahaha it has such a good handle of even the most obscure roads and streets at this point.

Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? Like, signs and banners on the road? Not at all. I easily forget them. I need to have Waze on every time I drive; I use it even when I perfectly memorize where I'm going.

How many people do you text daily?  Outside of work, anywhere between 5-10. I don't converse with people often and keep it to family and best friends.

Do you have an iPod or an MP3 player? Which brand?  Not anymore, but I have a subscription on Spotify.

What was your favorite television show as a child?  I loved Spongebob, Fairly Oddparents, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, and Drake and Josh. Oh and I also liked My Life as a Teenage Robot, which I'm pointing out in particular because I knew absolutely no one else who was into the show. :(

Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play?  I can't play any of them.

Is there anyone who you call by their last name?  Nah, I was never one of those people who everyone called by their surname.

What did you do on your last birthday?  Yoongi's album and documentary came out that day, so I planned out a gathering with my closest friends that revolved around the two. We listened to the album; watched the documentary when it came out at like, 8 PM or 9 PM I think? on Disney+;and I also prepared dinner spread for them.

It was also a holiday that day so there wasn't much we could've done outside, which was partly why my birthday was spent at home.

Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most?  Gluttony, and I'm terrible with it. I order food too frequently and I also get too much every time, to the point that I rarely actually finish it all and usually have to throw the rest out.

Has anyone ever told you that you're incapable of whispering?  No. I think I'm pretty good at whispering.

What is your least favorite subject in school?  Chemistry.

Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before?  Nope.

Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other's face?  I don't.

Who was the best kisser you've ever dated?  I've only dated and kissed one person. Ever since them, I've never been quite interested in relationships the same way anymore.

When was the last time you watched a YouTube video?  Last night. It's 3 PM and I haven't been on YouTube at all today, I just realized.

Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before?  Not really babysit, more like watch over while the elders were running errands and chores. I always had an older relative with me.

How many times a week do you usually see the person you love?  I don't love anyone.

When was the last time you held someone's hand?  Sometime last month, I'm guessing.

How many meals have you eaten today, so far?  I'm currently having a Hot Pocket and this is my first 'meal' of the day so far, if that even counts as one.

Do you think it's stupid for people to call others "hot?"  Well, no?

Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source?  I get why it wouldn't be considered a reliable source on its own, but the pages are also strictly moderated with credible references. It's definitely not as sketchy as teachers tend to make it out to be, especially when I was still studying.

Are you someone who listens to more girl or guy bands?  Ones with guys.

Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it?  I don't even know what that shop is.

Do you care about spending money if it's someone else's money?  Of course.

What is your favorite Disney movie of all time?  Toy Story.

When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch?  No.

What are the color of your walls? Do you want to repaint?  White. I just repainted my walls at the end of last year.

Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet?  Hardwood. The idea of carpet flooring is very foreign to me, and I've never seen a house with so much...carpet on it haha.

Do you have any siblings you neglect you?  I don't know what this is trying to ask but if anything I'm not on speaking terms with my brother.

Who would you say is the most selfish person you know?  I can't think of anyone I know who fits this.

Who was the last person you yelled at? Why?  Not a person, but I had to tell off Agi for smelling and getting his mouth way too close to Cooper's shit LOL

As a kid, did you ever go to camp?  I've never been.

What were the last three movies you watched in theaters?  BTS Yet to Come in Busan, fucking Knives Out lmao, and idk...Portrait of a Lady on Fire I think? I never go to the movie theatres as I stopped being interested in movies a long time ago.

There's an upcoming local film festival that will be screening a remastered version of A Clockwork Orange, though...so I might be returning to the cinema sooner than I think.

Have you ever made out in a movie theater before?  I've never done that. When I go to a theatre, it's always to watch something hahaha.

Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument?  Nah.

Do you believe in ghosts, spirits or demons?  Nope.

When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted?  Not sure, I don't encounter eerie places too often.

What is your favorite breakfast meal?  Garlic rice, sunny side up eggs, and slightly burnt hotdogs – better if with chili garlic oil. Filipino breakfasts are the best :)

What does the lead singer of your favorite band look like?  She is petite, with pretty eyes and hair that's always a different color every time you see her.

Who was the last person to compliment you?  Two weeks ago.

How old were you when you got to go on your first date?  I was 16, if I remember correctly.

Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective?  They used to be strict and overprotective, especially my mom. While I still live with them, they've definitely loosened up the older I got.

Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls?  Yeah, every chance I got.

What is the best movie you've seen in the last five years?  Portrait of a Lady on Fire.

Has anyone ever called you a good kisser before?  Sure.

Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other?  I don't think so.

Are you the jealous type?  Before. Not really the same now as I just mind my own business these days.

Does life ever seem overly ironic to you?  It can be.

When was the last time you felt like you were high on life?  Being in Thailand with friends last June.

Do you know someone who cares about themselves more than their child? I know someone who seems that way, but then again social media can only show you so much.

Do you still watch cartoons on television?  I'll get in the mood to watch old episodes of Spongebob for the nostalgia high but it doesn't happen often.

What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there?  Idk, some burrito. I've never memorized their menu because we have very few stores where I live.

Is there anyone currently annoying you?  Yeah everything about work this past week has been pissing me off but I'm not about to get into that. I want to enjoy my weekend...

What's your favorite hairstyle you've had so far?  My shoulder-length purple hair from last year.

Do you have freckles?  I don't.

How many dogs do you have, if any at all? Two.

Have you ever witnessed someone being beaten up?  Yes. It is my least favorite memory that I have to live with.

Do you think biting is weird or sexy? Idk, depends on the situation I guess? Can work both ways.

Would you rather be called hot or beautiful?  Beautiful.

[qualityplaidturkey]

Tbh, I was only asked by two people for this…and that was all the prompt I needed! Here are my,

Sad Anthony Headcanons:

• He used to cry himself to sleep whenever he realized/remembered that his parents perfered Sam over him. He eventually stopped crying though, who would want him anyway?

•He always thought Lia was nice to him because she liked him regardless of his weight. But once he lost it all she began to make jokes about how she was glad he wasn’t fat anymore and wasn’t disgusted when people shipped them together. He still likes her though. Even though she’ll never want him. Not like he needs her.

•Speaking of his weight, he used to be fine with his body. But when he realized how people treated him because of his weight, he stopped eating lunch. It was easier to pretend he’d eaten at school. Eventually lunch also went along with breakfast. He claims he doesn’t want to wake up early to make food and his parents pay no mind. This has gone on for so long that his body will get painful cramps and he’ll get physically sick if he eats more than one full meal a day. Snacks are fine sometimes but his body is unpredictable at this point. As long as he’s skinny.

•His dad was glad when he saw Anthony loosing weight. Anthony had only found out that he could skip meals because his dad had talked about it before. Dad would never actually eat breakfast and “intermittent fast” until 12 and then only eat small and portion controlled foods. Anthony partially blames his dad for his sickness. But he also understands that his dad is probably sick too.

•He’s extremely jealous of Sam. Like badly. The amount of times he wished she was dead is way too horrible for Anthony to admit. He couldn’t help it. Seeing her get all the love and affection he wanted from Dad made him angry. But he didn’t show this anger outward. His dad was all about calmness and peace and as a desperate attempt to please his dad, he vowed to never become an angry person. He internalized his feelings to the max. He sat infront of the mirror and forced himself to smile and then relax his face into a completely neutral state. Blank. He pulls this face whenever someone makes him annoyed/upset and he doesn’t wanna react.

•He’s always alone. He doesn’t understand how his sister has friends. Of course he understands that she’s well liked and accepted but how? Anthony can’t keep anyone for the life of him. He’s a good friend to laugh with or to swim in his huge pool but real friends? People he could trust and laugh with and not feel judged by? Non existent. Even the group of kids that peer pressured him into bullying Kenny. He never felt safe or close with them but he saw the teasing as a way for them to continue to accept him. He would do anything, ANYTHING, to keep them interested in him.

•He hates coming out. He knew that he was queer from a young age. Like 5 years old. When he asked his dad what a random rainbow flag on a restaurant they passed meant, his dad went pale in the face. His and his mom started arguing in whispering voices. His dad said things like “he’s too young to know about that” and “when he’s older”. Eventually it clicked and he felt raging shame. He later realized that his dad wasn’t homophobic but he grew up in a time where being gay wasn’t really a thing. His dad hadn’t been prepared to approach a situation like that but the damage was done. His dad continued to try and have a conversation about it but it was mostly just him talking and Anthony doing his neutral face. He just remembers him dad saying that he shouldn’t “let other boys at school influence him” and that he could “make a decision like that when he was older”. Sam overheard and gave dad a whole lecture about it. And of course, his dad agreed with her. Because she was LaRusso 2.0. The Golden Child.

•Sams savior moment didn’t really change anything though. Anthony desperately clinged onto how he could like boys but he also HAD TO like girls. Because at least he could still make his dad happy by marrying a girl. Now that he’s older, he’s unlearned that forced heteronormativity but that voice of doubt still lives in the back of his head. His dad and him don’t ever talk about his sexuality. Anthony’s fine with keeping it like that. They both know what they know. It stays an unspoken fact.

•Around fifth grade when Anthony began to accept himself more, he decided to come out to one of his closest friends, Zach. He thought that since they were from California and Zach had said that his Aunt was gay, that Zach would be cool with. He was nervous but excited all day to finally have someone to share his secret with. He was talking to Zach at the gate after school and just blurted it out.

“I like boy and girls.”

Anthony had watched as Zach’s face went from normal to disgusted. Anthony felt a chill go up his spine and Zach continued to look disgusted.

“Ew.”

Anthony felt like he was dying.

“Do you have a crush on me?”

Anthony’s cheeks went pink and he immediately shook his head. Zach relaxed and sighed with relief.

“Good! As long as you don’t have a crush on me.”

Anthony pretend to laugh with him and then Zach’s mom pulled up and he left without saying another word. Anthony cried himself to sleep that night. Zach and him never talked about it again. Ever since then, he’s hated coming out to people. Whenever he does, he’s transported back to his stupid little ten year old brain who thought that a cis straight middle school boy would accept him. Now he just keeps his mouth shut and pines over a girl who doesn’t deserve him. A pretty fit ending if you asked him.

•Sports make him cry. He guesses it’s from growing up as a fat kid. He used to hate it but now he’s glad that it makes him emotional. Working out so the only way his mind stops being on airplane mode and he actually feels something. That something being stress and sadness while he does lunges across a gym floor.

•He feels emotions heavily but since he just internalizes and observes most of the time, he can never answer Sam when she asks what’s wrong or tries to be a good sister. And it makes him feel ten times worse knowing that something is wrong but can’t even find the words to describe it. After a while she gets frustrated and tells him off for “not expressing himself” and “cutting himself off” but he can’t tell her that he literally can’t do those things. He falls back into the neutral face again.

Ok, I think that’s all for now! I have alottt more of sad hcs to give but I think I’ve written enough already. Let me know if you want more :)

(Please don’t make me write more, I got sad as hell writing this 😣)