#and i love not drowning in student debt

[aqpippin]

are you a doctor?

absolutely not and i love that for me

[angellesword]

BAGGAGE | JJK (07)

Summary: Drowning in debt and blood, Jeon Jungkook knows he's better off alone, lest he brings people down with him.

But one drunken night changes everything.

In a blink of an eye, Jungkook found himself drowning not only in debt and blood, but also in dirty diapers and judgmental stares from you, a.k.a his long-lost love and the guardian of the son he didn't even know existed.

Genre and warnings: best friends to lovers, co-parenting, idiots in love, mutual pining, angst, fluff, implied smut, kissing, minor character death, slight getting back together, drama, OC cusses excessively so watch out, blood, pregnancy, discussion of abortion, giving birth

Pairing: dad! Jungkook x adoptive mom!Reader

Word Count: 6.1k

← Previous Chapter (06) | Next Chapter (08) →

****

Six Years Ago, 2017:

France was not all that you expected. One would think people pursuing their doctorate degrees would be busier with their academic lives, but it looked like French people cared more about their social lives.

"Come on, just a few more steps!" Elyna, your classmate, chuckled while dragging your warm, sweaty body across the street. She almost tasted victory when she got a glimpse of the façade of your apartment.

Admittedly, Elyna still gets jealous whenever she remembers your apartment being nicer than hers. Talk about favoritism, huh? You were both scholars of Sorbonne University pursuing your doctorate degrees, but Professor Verlaine liked you the most.

"There you go! You can look after yourself, right? Bye, cutie." Elyna kissed your cheek before practically throwing you in your front door.

You were smaller in stature compared to your French classmates, making it easier for them to push and pull you around. You groaned when your back hit the door.

You were too drunk to cuss your classmate, so you could only suck it up and push yourself to enter your apartment. After what felt like forever, you finally stumbled inside, puffing out a breath and debating whether to just sleep on the floor.

Hours of clubbing with your classmates messed you up. You shouldn't have gone with them, but those shitty French didn't really give you a choice. Even Verlaine encouraged you to go out, going as far as postponing the submission of your business paper so you could have a fun Friday night.

Verlaine's exact words were, "Have fun. You've been in France for months already. You're the only international student who hasn't gone clubbing here."

You did not care for clubs. In fact, you hated them. You only attended your graduation parties and some quiet bars with Jungkook.

"Hah! Stupid pompous freak!" You cussed your traitor of a best friend, wanting nothing but to beat yourself for thinking about that bastard. You had done so well suppressing thoughts about Jungkook for the whole day. It's ten minutes before midnight. How could you fail so miserably?

You struggled to fish your phone out of your pocket, vision doubling, but that did not stop you from sending chains of messages to Jungkook.

To: Jungkook-shit I fucking hate you traitor

To: Jungkook-shit yoi betrayed me freak,. i hope you rot in hell

To: Jungkook-shit fucker

To: Jungkook-shit i hate you so mcuch pleas fo me a favor snd die

To: Jungkook-shit i will ndcevef dorgive you digshfit 

To: Jungkook-shit dick 

To: Jungkook-shit duck you

To: Jungkook-shit ny heart hirts

To: Jungkook-shitcan we go back?

The last message remained unsent as your intoxication finally caught up to you. You dropped your phone on the floor, face hitting the cold tiles as darkness clouded your vision.

You fell asleep.

***

That night, you had a long dream, which you were pretty sure had happened in real life—back when you were still very small, probably at five years old.

If you thought about it, you'd say the dream slash memory was triggered by going to a club with Elyna and the others. Your dream started off in a club, too.

Your Jisoo-unnie told you to hide in the closet and never make a sound, no matter who tried calling your name. You were an obedient child, only trusting your older sister. But it didn't mean your mother was as kind as Jisoo. Your mom would boss you around as she entertained guests. You basically served as an errand girl at a young age, forced to keep your mouth shut even when you saw your mother and the other girls get violently beaten up by rogue men.

"Where is my sister!?"

You were lighting heavy scented candles for your mother and client when you heard your sister's voice.

Your ears involuntarily perked up. You threw the matchbox aside and immediately ran out of the club's private room.

"Jisoo-unnie?" You blinked innocently.

Your sister was standing there, looking as if she was going to smack your mother. But Jisoo stopped when she heard you call for her.

"Don't take her away!" Your mother screeched and tried to pull Jisoo's hair.

Jisoo dodged, immediately running toward you and hugging your frail body. She covered your ears. "I will take her away! Please. Stop it! She’s just a kid!"

"Bah!" Your mother spat. "She earns me money, unlike a brat like you!"

"I will take her place." Jisoo did not even hesitate. She hugged you tighter. "Let me be your errand girl or whatever you want me to do. I will do it. Just leave her alone."

You couldn't properly hear what the adults were talking about. Jisoo covered your ear tighter to ensure you heard nothing. It took a while before your mother spat on the ground for the second time, but she relented and let Jisoo take you away.

Your memories were pretty vague. All you remembered was that Jisoo had brought you into a tiny apartment; it was cramped and dark and smelled like dead rats. But it was better than those heavy-scented rooms at the club. At least in here, Jisoo cared for you and did not try to beat you up.

It didn't mean all your trauma would go away instantly, though. There were many moments when you would wake up in the middle of the night, silently crying because of a nightmare. You usually dreamt about your mother's client beating up girls and throwing profanities at everyone, including you.

"It's okay, my little one. Your Jisoo-unnie is here, I'll protect you." You weren't sure if you were recalling memories of the past or if it was just part of your drunken dream. All you knew was that Jisoo's warm embrace was palpable. She used to cradle your little body in her arms.

You were a docile kid, wings clipped by those men at the club. They used to threaten to beat you up if you so much as made a small noise or a mistake. For a long time, you carried that pain and refused to talk to your Jisoo-unnie, or anyone else, for that matter. At school, kids made fun of you for acting all meek and weak.

There was a time when Jisoo was called by your teacher, asking if there was something wrong at home for you to act so distantly. You were seven years old around at this time, and you still didn't understand adult words. You just recalled your teacher telling Jisoo that you needed therapy or whatever that was.

Jisoo was barely of legal age. Your mother had a cut whenever Jisoo took in clients at the club. She spent more than half her money to feed you and ensure you could attend class.

Your Jisoo-unnie only had one reminder: "Study well, my dear. That's all I ask. You can get anything you want if you're smart and have lots of money."

You still didn't speak much but diligently followed whatever your sister said. Things took a turn after your teacher talked to Jisoo. The latter took the teacher's advice to heart, but she didn't have enough money to bring you to a professional. She could simply improvise.

"My dear, there's nothing to be scared of anymore, okay? I won't ever hurt you the way they did. Here," Jisoo offered her cheek to you. "You can slap me and tell me all the bad things those men did to you, I won't ever fight back."

You shook your head rapidly, cowering. Memories of those nasty men came like a tidal wave, sweeping you off your feet until you felt nauseated.

"Sshh, my dear. It's okay. Just try, okay...You're okay."

It took a lot of conviction before you relented. Every day, Jisoo would coax you to act like a regular kid who was not frightened of acting difficult and throwing tantrums. She made you feel like it was okay to be mean and that whatever you did or said, you would still be loved—this was the beginning of you having a sharp mouth that couldn't go one statement with profanities leaving your mouth.

You got away with so many things because of Jisoo.

That had been your setup for many years, but your life slowly progressed. You worked hard in school while Jisoo did all the jobs available to her. You got out of that tiny apartment and were able to move to a new house. You were initially reluctant to leave, afraid you would lose connection with the first friend you made in the neighborhood—Jungkook.

You didn't talk to Jungkook before, either. You two would casually sit beside each other and be in your own world.

"You don't have an adult at home? Cool, me too." That was the first thing Jungkook told you. You weren't bothered by his presence before, but Jungkook had become insufferable over time, teasing you here and there until you had to snarl at him.

Despite your banter, you had grown attached to Jungkook and even begged Jisoo not to separate you. Jisoo smiled at you, ruffling your hair and explaining that you would only move to a nicer home, but it was still around the area.

You felt relief flood your veins. Things were going well. You slowly healed from your traumatic childhood as you stayed close to Jungkook and your Jisso-unnie. Your sister kept her promise, never once leaving you.

Every day, Jisoo would go home to you. You gingerly waited for your sister to arrive; you'd set aside your homework and other stuff to open your front door and greet Jisoo with a simple "Welcome home!"

You couldn't maintain your happy façade as Jisoo smiled faintly at you, coughing and smelling like smoke. There were bags under her eyes, too exhausted at her work at the club.

You were getting older. You thought you could apply for a part-time job and help your sibling with the expenses, but Jisoo wanted you to focus on your studies. She brushed your concern off, saying, "It's just secondhand smoke. You know those men at the club, they can't live without cigarettes. Don't worry."

As usual, you blindly followed your sister's request. You hid your verbal concerns and could only welcome her home with hot water with honey. You did your best to care for your Jisoo-unnie until you moved to the university dorm and got busier with school. As time passed, your time with Jisoo lessened until it reached a point where Jisoo would not contact you. She even went as far as betraying you.

She must have known, right? How could she not know that you were hopelessly in love with Jungkook? How could the two most important people in your life betray you like this?

It just didn't make sense.

But then again, nothing made sense—not when feelings were involved. For instance, you flew all the way to Europe so you wouldn't have to deal with the mess back in Incheon. You had cut off connections with Jungkook and Jisoo, but months later, right when you were recovering from your hangover from clubbing too much, was when your doorbell rang.

It's probably Professor Verlaine, you thought. You didn't bother checking the peephole because, for one, you didn't want to see your professor looking prim and proper while you looked like shit. You were still wearing your clothes from last night and you just got up from the floor. Seeing Verlaine at the peephole would make you want to freshen up first; you just didn't have the energy for that.

And for fuck's sake. It's seven in the morning. Seven! Anyone who dared to disturb you at this ungodly hour deserved to see your bed hair, drool on the side of your mouth included.

So you opened the door, fully expecting to grin at your professor, but your smile froze mid-air.

You were still hungover, yet your reflexes were as agile as ever.

You slammed the door shut—no, wait, that's wrong. You swore you were about to slam the door shut. You were not a pushover and didn't intend to talk to your traitor sister.

But you stood there, stiff and unable to shut the door to her face when you heard her cough.

A stupid fucking cough.

Jisoo coughed, and you felt as if you were a child again, excited to open the door and welcome your sister home with hot water mixed with honey from the comb.

***

In hindsight, you should have seen it coming. Jisoo could go a long time without contacting you, though she could never cut you off completely.

Once, she promised to stay with you forever, and until now, that promise still stands.

A promise is a promise.

Jisoo was sitting on your couch. You foolishly let her in, heart still throbbing after hearing your sister's cough. It was just a stupid cough, yet you felt your resolve crumbling.

This can't be. You couldn't possibly still have a soft spot for her.

"Ya having a sidepiece spawn?"—so you attacked her.

Jisoo visibly flinched at the roughness of your tone. You sighed a breath of relief. Her expression would help you sleep at night: Jisoo lowered her eyes, lashes trembling because of your intense look at her stomach. You longed to damage her heart until all she wished to do was run.

Jisoo called your name, choking back a sob. It was hard to say if it was because of the guilt she felt toward you or if it was because of what you called her unborn child.

Yes, Jisoo was heavily pregnant.

It was unfair. Jisoo felt the kick in her belly while you felt like your heart had been stomped.

"It's Jungkook's." There was no room for rebuttal. You said it with finality.

Jisoo didn't deny it, either.

"Of fucking course." You chuckled mercilessly. "How many rounds of 'playing around' did it take before you finally managed to get knocked up?"

"We weren't playing around." Jisoo defended. It was real. The thing they have done, it was real. "But I never dated him."

You scoffed. "But you fucked him." Your jaw slackened. Looking at your sister ignited your anger.

"Once." Jisoo was desperate.

You did not know what to feel anymore. A searing headache hit you. You barked a laugh.

"Tell me, Jisoo-unnie," you said pointedly. You might as well knife her heart. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Crashing defeat settled at the pit of Jisoo's stomach. The baby kicked her tummy aggressively like it was punishing her, too.

Jisoo called your name, trying again. "It was a one-time thing."

"A one-time thing." You repeated. It was probably said to reassure you, but it didn't. If anything, you just found a way to nitpick her excuse. "Not a one-time mistake?"

Jisoo inhaled sharply. For a moment, she looked like she wanted to cup her stomach to calm her baby, but she saw your piercing gaze there, leaving Jisoo no choice but to keep her hands on her side.

"We were both drunk. I admit, it was a moment of weakness."

Cliche. You snarled, feeling acid burn your throat. You wanted to vomit bile. "Still not calling it a mistake?"

"We both wanted it."

"Why!" Millions of questions attacked your head at once. Why did you betray me!? Why did you sleep with him, out of all people!? Was it good!? Was it worth breaking my trust? Why did you want it!?

Jisoo parted her lips, seemingly ready to answer your query, but you raised your hand to shut her up.

Jisoo obediently followed. 

"Don't answer that." You felt your knees buckling. You wanted to crawl and die.

"It is—"

"Please, stop." You were certain your heart had been broken to pieces, and you thought there was no way Jisoo could shatter it more.

But now you weren’t so sure anymore.

You could only storm off to your room, slamming the door and hoping Jisoo would leave you alone.

***

Jisoo did not leave you alone. She was sheepishly sitting on the couch when you emerged from your room.

"You're still here," you observed, no snark in your voice, but exhaustion was there. 

"I will be here," Jisoo responded with a small smile.

You ignored her, but she kept her promise.

She stayed the whole day in your home. The next day, she was still there.

Then the next.

And the next day.

And the next day.

And the next day.

And the next day.

And the next day.

You couldn't keep track anymore.

***

You and Jisoo were certainly not on good terms or talking terms. Fortunately, you learned to cohabitate without tearing each other apart.

Sometimes, you would buy baby clothes for Jisoo's child. You’d leave the shopping bag on the couch where your sister usually sat. However, you wouldn’t wait to see her reaction after checking the clothes.

Once, though, you accidentally saw her hugging the new clothes you had bought.

You caught Jisoo's gaze. Your sister smiled shyly at you.

Unlike before, you didn't immediately look away. In fact, you gazed at her as if asking, "It's white. A pretty neutral color. That should work, right?"

You weren't siblings without a reason. Jisoo picked up the question in your eyes.

She embraced the clothes tighter. "It's a boy. You’re going to have a nephew."

You did not react. You cast your gaze away and wordlessly left your sister alone.

But the next day, you had ten shopping bags in your hand. You left them at the usual spot.

Blue. You brought blue clothes and a bunch of toys.

You also brought pink clothes because assigning colors to gender was stupid.

But also because your nephew would surely look cute in blue, pink, and all other colors.

***

Jisoo was 32 weeks pregnant when you made up your mind to say something to her.

"That's it." You barged into the bathroom, catching your sister on the spot. She was vomiting blood.

Jisoo gave a start; her eyes were glistening with tears when she snapped her head up and met your glare. She hurriedly wiped her mouth.

"Why are you here?" Jisoo felt cornered, so she stepped back like a frightened lamb.

You smacked your lips together, finding this situation ridiculous. Jisoo had already slept with Jungkook; nothing could ever top that betrayal, so why was she acting like you would strangle her for puking blood?

"This is my apartment, in case you forgot."

"That's not what I meant." Jisoo inhaled as she struggled to swallow blood back to her stomach. "You're supposed to be at school."

"Yeah, whatever I skipped." You couldn't bear to see your trembling sister any longer. You helped her sit on the wide edge of the bathtub.

You worried about your Jisoo-unnie. She'd been retching in the bathroom almost daily. She thought she could hide it by turning the faucet on to muffle the sound, but she was wrong.

You planned to put an end to this. Your brow creased. "Enough with your bullshit. You are thirty-two weeks pregnant, and you can't possibly still be experiencing morning sickness. Even if you were, you'd be vomiting vile or that strawberry yogurt you've been eating every day. Not fucking blood."

"It's fine." Jisoo brushed it off, making a move to stand and end this conversation. You two never talked for more than one minute since she arrived, so why were you being loud now?

"You are not getting out of this conversation." You blocked her way out, glaring at her with the storm in your eyes. "I'll ask again. Why are you vomiting blood?"

The silence was deafening.

You wanted to punch the mirror. You cursed your sister; your eyes were turning bloodshot. The betrayal from before was back in full force. The fact that Jisoo wasn't telling you anything made you feel like she was hiding a nasty secret again.

You couldn't handle any more treachery. You might actually die.

"Don't lie to me again—" You cut yourself off, afraid you’d make yourself look pathetic by murmuring a soft please.

Jisoo stubbornly refused to speak. She watched as tears fell into her open palm.

She had done so well hiding this. She didn't want to tell you about her sickness, but every second that passed made Jisoo feel like the distance between you and her was stretching.

In the end, she could only concede. 

"I'm dying." Shallow breath. "I've cancer."

This time, it wasn't the distance that stretched but the silence.

Jisoo dared to peek at your reaction as the silence made her uncomfortable. Only two people knew she was sick: Jungkook and now you.

Jungkook at least hugged her and wiped her hands, telling her it would be all right.

But Jungkook was Jungkook. She hadn't done anything to hurt him.

But you? She shattered and betrayed you, so she should have expected it when she heard your giddy chuckle. However, when Jisoo looked at you, no sign of happiness or sadness could be traced on your face.

It was eerily impassive.

And then she heard you say:

"Good. That's good. I hope you die."

The bathroom door slammed shut, leaving Jisoo with tears in her eyes and kicking unborn child.

****

Jisoo was 33 weeks pregnant when you gave up on radio silence. Your sister was lying on the bed she bought herself. Your apartment only had one bedroom, but Jisoo still squeezed herself in. Seeing her dozing off on the couch was a pain, so one day, you brought brochures where Jisoo could choose a bed of her liking.

Jisoo bought a single bed, putting it close to your bed. You two slept without bothering each other. Tonight, though, you couldn't take it anymore.

You lay on your side, staring directly at Jisoo. Your sister was already looking at you.

She smiled and said hi.

You didn't bother with greetings. You went straight to the point.

"What type of cancer." It was like you were reporting the weather, refusing to ask the question properly. Your monotonous voice made you appear apathetic. No one knew how heavy your heart was.

"Does it matter?" Jisoo cupped her bulging belly. Her baby seemed excited whenever he heard his aunt speaking. He was wildly kicking Jisoo's belly.

"Tsk. Just answer the damn question. Why do you have to make everything difficult?"

This was starting to get on your nerves. Even after everything that happened, you still weren’t used to Jisoo not indulging you.

"It's not difficult. It just doesn't matter. I'm dying, anyway." Just like what you wanted. But Jisoo didn't say the last part. She was not in a position to hold grudges against you.

You hugged your pillow to your chest like you wanted to shield your heart that was about to jump out of your body.

"Just answer."

It was getting harder for you to breathe. Beads of sweat formed on your forehead; you couldn't seem to get the image of Jisoo coughing in your head.

Please don't let it be lung cancer. Please don't let it be lung cancer. Please don't let it be lung cancer. Please don't let it be lung cancer. Please don't let it be lung cancer—

"It's lung cancer."

Your heart missed a beat.

"How much time do you have left?" You dug your nails into the pillow while Jisoo sighed. She was sure you couldn't wait for her to die.

"Not too long. Maybe I'll pass soon after I have my baby."

"But why." Jisoo wasn't sure if she was imagining things, but she thought she heard you whine. "Don't you have a treatment plan? Fucking chemotherapy and stuff?"

"Chemotherapy is harmful for the baby." Jisoo's tone was soft.

"Fuck the baby!"

Even you were surprised by how resentful you were. But it was true, wasn't it? Her baby was the devil's spawn. It was the fruit of betrayal, so why was Jisoo choosing it over herself?

"Why didn't you abort it?" You abruptly sat on the bed, shooting daggers at Jisoo. A whirlpool of abuse danced at the tip of your tongue. You didn't voice it out because Jisoo looked sad.

"Don't be like that to Soobin."

"Who the fuck is Soobin? Why should I care!?"

"It's your nephew's name," Jisoo explained patiently as she caressed her stomach. Soobin had stopped kicking, probably scared of his aunt.

"That's such a basic name. It's so ugly. I hate it. I hate him."

You didn't give your sister a chance to speak. "Forget it." You turned off the lampshade. "I don't want to talk to you anymore. I'm going to sleep."

You laid back down. Darkness enveloped the room. This was better. This way, you couldn't see the sadness in Jisoo’s face.

But you couldn't sleep. You tossed and turned all night, but nothing worked.

It's my fault. You wanted to say. Jisoo got cancer because of you. That club was a rotten place. You should've stopped her from working there.

Lung cancer. What a bullshit thing to have.

"Don't die." A week ago, you were saying the complete opposite. "If you die, I'll chase you to hell. You can't die, Jisoo."

You still have debts to pay. I have not forgiven you yet. You have to suffer my eternal wrath, so do not die before me.

*** In Jisoo's 34th week of pregnancy, you had asked her another question.

"Why did you do it?"

Jisoo didn't need context. She knew exactly what you were talking about, but like before, you cut her off before she could explain.

"Never mind." You covered your face with a blanket and slept.

***

In Jisoo's 35th week of pregnancy, you pestered her again about chemotherapy.

"I told you already. It's harmful for Soobin."

"And I told you already, I don't care about Soobin." You rebutted.

This bedtime routine was tiring Jisoo. She felt like she was arguing with a wall.

"Good night," so she just turned off the lampshade and went to bed.

*** You asked about the betrayal again in Jisoo's 36th week of pregnancy.

"Are you sure you want to know now?" Jisoo's carefulness shot your heart.

You shook your head, your chest heaving.

"No," you admitted. "Never mind it."

***

Jisoo's 37th weeks pregnant when you panicked upon seeing her looking like she was in a lot of pain.

"What's the matter?" Your heart leaped to your throat. You were beside Jisoo at once.

Jisoo bit her lip and wiped the sweat on her forehead. "It's nothing. Your nephew's just being naughty. He keeps kicking my tummy."

Oh.

Your heartbeat returned to normal. And then you snorted and folded your arms across your chest. "Tell that scrub to shut his trap and quit being annoying."

You were about to return to your bed when Jisoo seized your wrist.

You flinched, but you didn't push her away.

It gave Jisoo the courage to push through her suggestion. She cleared her throat, "Why don't you pacify him yourself? He's quite obedient. Here, I'll guide you."

Jisoo slowly led your hand to her tummy. Your hand was stiff at first, almost resisting when you had contact with the skin of Jisoo's belly.

"Sshh, it's okay, dear." Jisoo's voice was like a lullaby. You relaxed at once.

It took you a while before you finally started caressing your sister's stomach without wanting to die.

And then you felt it.

"Oh!" Your eyes grew big. "He kicked me! Your kid kicked me!"

An involuntary chuckle came out of Jisoo. "Yes, he likes his aunt a lot."

"Hmp." You withdrew your hands. "Too bad I don't care about him."

Jisoo didn't react because, deep down, you were fooling no one.

***

You asked about the betrayal again in Jisoo's 38th week of pregnancy. Jisoo had learned her lesson, so she did not speak and pretended to be asleep.

***

You found the courage to be honest in Jisoo's 39th week of pregnancy.

"I take it back." You gripped your blanket. "Soobin isn't so bad. I think his name is cute."

Jisoo gasped, which had you worrying. You thought your sister was in pain again. These days, all she did was vomit blood.

However, Jisoo's gasp was because of plain surprise. She beamed at you, "Soobin just kicked me three times. He means to say he loves you."

"You're an idiot, and you know it." You clicked your tongue in disgust, "Tell your devil spawn I hate him."

Your words were harsh, but Jisoo knew your heart was melting.

Just a few more. Jisoo mused, mentally patting her baby's head. Your aunt’s gonna warm up to you soon, Bin-bin.

***

Jisoo was in her 40th week of pregnancy when she gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

It took a while before you got out of the hospital because of Jisoo's worsening condition. Thankfully, you were there to look after Soobin.

"Welcome home, mon bébé," you secretly whispered when you finally got home.

Soobin cooed at you, and you wanted to cry.

You stopped calling Soobin the devil's spawn.

***

Jisoo's 3 weeks postpartum, and she was delirious.

"Jisoo-unnie, it's time for your medicine." You were sitting in your sister's bed with a glass of water in your hand.

"Honey water again...?" She blinked, eyes unfocused. She was hot to touch. "I don't want honey water. You make them too sweet."

"This is not honey water." You tried to make her drink, but Jisoo was stubborn.

She called your name. “My dear, please. You have to listen to me, alright? Hide in the closet. Don't answer even when mom calls for you. I will..." She cupped your cheek. "I will be back for you, okay?"

Postpartum was foreign to you, but you figured your sister was struggling.

"There's no need to hide. I'm not a five-year-old anymore, Jisoo-unnie."

It was the wrong thing to say because Jisoo scowled. She was unhappy, though she kept caressing your face.

"What are you saying? You'll always be my little girl."

***

Jisoo's 9 weeks postpartum when her mind cleared up. Regrettably, her body became weaker.

"You can't even carry your own baby," you taunted, peering down at your bedridden sister as you gently rocked Soobin in your arms.

Your nephew was so well-behaved.

"It's okay." Jisoo coughed. "Soobin has you."

"I'm not a babysitter." You jutted your chin, annoyed. "Hurry up and get better. I'm getting tired of—oh."

You weren't able to finish whatever you were saying. You couldn't even remember what you were trying to prove. All your thoughts vanished when Soobin wrapped his tiny hand around your pinky.

"Jisoo-unnie! Look! Look! He's holding me!" You stepped closer to Jisoo's bed, crouching down so your sister could see.

Jisoo forced out a smile. But that small action was taxing to her body. She coughed up blood again. She wiped it before you could see it.

"That's good. That's really, really good...."

***

Jisoo was 10 weeks postpartum, and she was still rotting in bed.

"You have to force yourself to get better," you demanded, a deep scowl on your lips. "Just look at your son. He clings to me a lot. Do you want him to recognize me as his mom?"

Your statement was meant to be threatening, but it made Jisoo happier.

"He is yours, dear." Her voice was barely above a whisper. She didn't have the energy to speak louder, but she could still smile. "He is meant to stay by your side."

"Shut up." You rolled your eyes. "I'm not cut out to be a parent. This is your mess. I was not there when you made him." I was against you making him. You hurt me.

Jisoo's forehead creased, though. She didn't agree with you. "But I made him for you."

What?

You couldn't believe your ears. If postpartum was this kind of bitch, then you were willing to fight it. It was making your Jisoo-unnie act crazy. She was full of shit.

"Soobin...stay...you..." And she was blabbering random words.

You touched her forehead. She was burning. Her fever was probably making her crazy.

"Next time, I'm bringing you to an asylum." Soobin slept soundly in his crib, so you had time to care for your sister. You put a wet towel on her forehead. "You're crazy, did you know that? Who would have thought a cute baby like Soobin came from a nasty girl like you?"

Jisoo's scowl deepened. She struggled and weakly caught your wrist. "No. Soobin looks like...me."

You glanced at Soobin's sleeping form. Yeah, right.

"Keep dreaming. It's free."

"No." Jisoo cried. It looked like she took your statement to heart. "He looks like me...he should look like me..."

Suddenly, Jisoo was crying. You were stunned. What was this drama queen crying for!?

"He looks like me. Please. He should remind me of you. I'm dying, I'm dying. I'm dying--!!"

Your eyes widened. Jisoo was out of control. She was sobbing and kicking her feet, albeit weakly.

"Jisoo-unnie, calm down." You held her hands, giving up. "I believe you, okay? Soobin looks like you."

She was easy to pacify. She stopped crying at once, and then she cupped your cheeks.

"My dear, my little one...I'm sorry, your Jisoo-unnie can't keep her promise to you. I'm going soon. Stay...stay with Soobin, alright?"

Jisoo slowly trailed off. The terrible realization slapped you in the face.

You were shaking, bile crawling to your throat when you connected the dots:

There was a high possibility that Jisoo, your sister, planned on sleeping with Jungkook so she could get pregnant. She wished to get pregnant because, after all this time, she still saw you as a little girl who needed someone by her side.

And since she was dying, she needed someone to...

You stopped thinking. You looked at Soobin's sleeping form and sobbed; your sister's words echoed in your mind:

Stay with Soobin. I made him for you.

Fuck.

***

In Jisoo's twisted way, what she did was for your sake. Unfortunately, you did not ask any of this.

Jisoo was 15 weeks postpartum. She was like a withered flower. No color was left on her face. Death was around the corner.

"Are you there, my dear?"

You did not answer. The question you didn't have an answer to entered your mind. You hadn't asked in a long time. Should you?

"Why did you betray me?" You asked it aloud before you could think properly. You thought Jisoo's too weak to answer, but she forced herself to speak.

"I was lonely. We were both lonely."

In the grand scheme of things, that explanation should have made sense. Lonely people sought comfort. You should be the first to understand that. But you didn't. It only brought you pain.

"I can't make you happy?" But you were her sister and Jungkook...Jungkook was your best friend. How could you not know that the people you loved were suffering? That they were lonely? Were you that...insensitive?

"It's not about you." Jisoo groaned. She was in a lot of pain. "You will never understand our grief. Your life is...a bliss."

The pain was unbearable. You wanted to cover your ears. You regretted asking that question, but you just couldn't stop.

"So you don't trust me? You don't think I'd understand you?" Did Jungkook think so too?

Jisoo didn't give a clear answer. She couldn't breathe. Her chest was stuffy.

Silence prevailed.

You stared blankly at Jisoo.

Jisoo struggled to maintain her breathing. She called your name.

"Have you forgiven me?"

It took you an eternity to respond, but your tone was biting when you did.

"You and Jungkook bonded over something you thought I was too immature to understand, so tell me, Jisoo-unnie, how can I forgive you?"

It meant to hurt. But Jisoo smiled through the pain.

She seemed...happy.

"Good…Good. Don't forgive me. I don't deserve it."

Blood. There was blood everywhere. Jisoo was barely awake.

"But leave Soobin...out of your...anger. That kid will love you. I swear, he will love you."

You had no plans to give Soobin away.

"I know...I am in no position to ask you anything, but...Jungkook...he must know about his son. He deserves that much, no--" She seemed to shake her head. "Soobin deserves that much....Promise me, in three..."

She paused. She was thinking....calculating...

"No four...four years...three years..." It was getting confusing. "Return him home in three years. Ugh."

Jisoo couldn't hold on.

She called your name. “ You and Soobin...you two are my life...I love you...I'll see..." you.

Jisoo didn't get to finish her last statement. She died, eyes clamped shut and blood splattering everywhere.

She died while her son slept, and you wept.

**** A/N: I wrote this for so many hours...this is not edited, I feel like I'm going to vomit if I read this chapter one more time. Imdeadtired.exe.

We will be back in the present in the next chapter.

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[flowerfreya]

Dr. Dad

part 1

This picks up where we left off from part 1. I am still learning how to link post and such so cut me some slack please lol

Pairing : Simon "Ghost" Riley / Reader

The reader is a 5th year resident that just had a baby with Simon who is an Attending. The reader does not want anyone to know that they are together until she makes fellow at the hospital.

He lets out a little smirk. His face turns serious for a moment. 

“My love know you don't have to come back to work so soon”

You sigh you knew that was coming. He’s been saying this since you told him that you were going back to work last week after you placed Bella into her bassinet. He was silent for a while just standing in the doorway of the bathroom. 

Looking at you. 

Assessing you. 

Trying to think of something to say to convince you not to do. 

 You had a relatively easy birth, having the birth of the baby at the hospital closest to your home and not the one you work at. It's not that you don't want anyone to know about you and Simon but , the relationship started when you were on his surgical rotation which is not allowed. You did let HR know about the relationship after you were off his rotation and the start date of your relationship officially is when you started your oncology rotation, which you really needed support for anyway.

When you fell pregnant you told Simon almost immediately. It was not an ideal time , you were a fifth year resident with little to no time on your hands , drowning in student loan debt, and you're barely making 60k a year. Simon on the other hand is an attending physician with over 6 years of experience in the field and 3 years working at the hospital. He was happy and together you let the medical director know about the relationship and pregnancy and those are the only people you told. 

When you started to show , there was a lot of rumors surrounding you.

It has to be one of the other residents , its the xrays tech baby , she always gets her patient pushed to the front 

You did nothing to dispel the talk, much to Simon’s disagreement.

“Let me say something”, he says one night after a 16 hour day. 

“You can say something , just don't say that your mine” you say 

You have an issue with being hyper independent, you realize that in fact a little to much. You love Simon but you let him know that you will be a working mom , you will be keeping your last name, and no one will know that you are dating Simon until you make Fellow , which is why you need to get back to work. 

Your mother was a godsend and also retired so when you called and let her know you were going back to work she didn’t try to convince you not to do it she just ask,“how can I help.”

 A knock on the door brings you back to the present. 

You sigh and proceed to unlatch the breast pump and hand them to Simon. He has a mini fridge and you dont trust these other residents to not fuck with your milk. 

Another this time harder and longer 

“One Second” you say brightly. While Simon glares at the door while towards it to unlock it. 

One of the 3rd year residents walks in and looks a little a pale. Lets you know that Graves is looking for you.

"Does he seem upset", You don't really care if he is but you would like to prepare how preppy you should act towards him. You firmly believe in killing people with kindness especially when it has to do with Graves who probably drinks Interns tears for breakfast , lunch and dinner.

"Is he bother you?", Simon ask. To anyone else it sounds like a normal question one of concern from a colleague. But you know he's worried he ask the question like it pains him from going to find Graves and tell him to lay off. No one likes Graves but he technically isn't doing anything wrong , he has the right to kick anyone out of his OR, to make interns scribe all his charts , and terrorize his residents until they rather to scut work then be in presence.

"Nothing that I can't handle" , you smile at him and then look to the resident that was sent to retrieve you.

"I'm right behind you", the resident turns and just about runs out the room.

You hand the milk to Simon and place a quick kiss on his lips, he makes an almost groaning sound and drags you back for another kiss , a deeper kiss with his hand tighting around your hips. You pull away with a little giggle, "I miss you too" you say , your eyes lowering that makes it known exactly what you miss.

You straighten your clothes back up , make sure that you don't look at tired as you seem and head out to another 4 hours of running around like you are fresh intern right from medical school and not a tired mom that just wants to sleep on the couch holding your baby.

[shinsmarlboro]

Baji with a lover, who is a successful entrepreneur.

TAGS: SFW && gender neutral y/n.

when accompanying you to an event, baji definitely hypes you up, give you a standing ovation, and trust that he lets people know that he is your number one fan.

keisuke believes in you more than your own family, but that won't blind him or stop him from speaking his mind and telling you the truth when it is necessary. you appreciate the fact that he tells you what you need to hear, unlike some of your subordinates who are professional bootlickers.

you two almost had an argument about you paying for his tuition.

“nah babe, ‘s fine. what's a couple more student loans gonna cost?”

“keisuke please, you're already drowning in debt. let me at least pay half.”

you two are a stubborn couple, going at it until one of you gets tired; spoiler alert, it's him, not you.

at takehina's wedding, you get introduced to baji's friends, one of them being kokonoi and you two instantly hit it off with talking about future joint ventures and all that crap that keisuke does not want to bother understanding.

chifuyu deeply respects you. when you two first meet, he goes on about how he didn't think baji would find someone, especially as a veterinary student.

“it's nice that he's dating someone that's kinda the opposite of him. please take good care of him, i know he's rash at times but he means well.”

you find chifuyu to be a sweetheart knowing his intentions towards baji are pure, except for when he starts rambling about embarrassing moments that happened to baji back in his adolescent days as a way to keep the conversation going.

keisuke makes sure to leave messages here and there in between late night study sessions, knowing that you would be working around the same time he's online.

he would send you pictures of the strays he had gotten from the cat distribution system and ask you if he can keep it even though he doesn't live with you.

speaking of living arrangements, it is a bit complicated. he is always welcome in your penthouse and has a spare key for whenever he wants to crash at your place (something you secretly look forward to) but, his visits are moderate, unless he's tipsy and neither chifuyu nor kazutora are fit to take care of him, or he wants your accompaniment.

one time you took a risk that caused you to lose a multi-million contract. naturally, you were upset and distanced yourself from everything. baji, the ever-loving perceptive partner, noticed this and tried different silly ways to get your attention. you find it amusing that he is willing to make a fool out of himself just to get you to smile.

whenever you feel stressed, keisuke always offers to take you out on late night rides to clear your head at the beach.

you're not used to your status, so when you get overwhelmed keisuke holds you close and comforts you by stroking your hair.

“this is so pathetic. i’m sorry, it's just…hard.”

“shhh, it may hard but there isn't anything my woman can't do. you got this, okay?”

he doesn't mind getting groceries for you when he knows that you're too busy to shop for the house. he does it without telling you and even surprises you with a home cooked lunch that he gives his secretary to deliver to you as he's shy to do so himself.

did i mention that his mom absolutely adores you? your discipline and charisma are what amazes her. you have lunch dates with her every month and make sure to clear out your schedule just for her; you also enjoy flipping through baby albums with her and getting a glimpse of a younger version of keisuke.

keisuke loves it when you wear glasses, if he did something that aggravates you while you're working extra at home, he simply stares at you. with a blank expression, he admires the way the glasses frame your mesmerising face. you think he's not listening, and you get even more frustrated with him. but when he caresses your cheek and calls you beautiful, you are visibly stunned and you don't know what to do; you end up acting like him back when he had more of a tsuntsun character; now he always wants to tease you - catch you off guard with his blatant flirtation.

[pavo-ocxllus]

❝ 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐲! 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭…! ❞

romantic shenanigans ensue when you start working for an infamous law firm and most definitely doesn't have to do with my recent hyper fixation on law at the moment.

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠…

detective!shikanoin heizou as the number one detective at fontaine legal firm. as well as the pursuit of justice, he's also on the pursuit of you!

forensic scientist!albedo who's disillusioned from the thrilling profession of delving into the ground zero of crime scenes. though, with a case such as you, he might be wrong.

police officer!xiao who takes his job too seriously and instead of trying to arrest childe, he should be arresting you for stealing his heart ;)

prosecutor!cyno who's presence in the court is as vicious as his horrible puns. though—you can't deny that the tension between the both of you rival that viciousness.

pre-law!gorou with a strangely strong sense of smell and hearing, he possesses a not so strange sense of justice (and you!)

rival attorney!alhaitham who can't seem to stop meeting your path—or rather, crashing into it. with the (admittedly one-sided) feud stemming all the way from freshman year of university, it eventually led to the two of you unfortunately falling (in love?) into the same case.

interrogator!kaeya who's personality alone could be enough to pin this whole fiasco on him one bad day and simultaneously believe he's an angel on earth the next. somehow, his talents as an interrogation officer is the only thing about him that stays consistent, and perhaps something else...

mob boss!childe that can't stop finding different ways to drive you crazy. from remaining to do things that make the case worse against him to his endless teasing, the fact that he's actually innocent is the most daunting factor of working with him.

delinquent!arataki itto who is clearly innocent of his involvement in diluc's case. what kind of incriminating evidence does an anonymous tip have that made everybody believe he almost assassinated him?

and defendant!diluc, the man of the hour and whose car accident acts as the center that three cases revolve around. why does one have the motive to kill the wealthy wine tycoon, and most importantly, who was responsible?

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠…

klee, who despite her strange nonchalance towards explosives and having alarmingly close access to ingredients to make them, is quite the adorable young girl that loves you, her big brother albedo, and the two of you together very much!

hr!kuki shinobu who is absolutely done with heizou's fontaine legal firm's antics. she does have the qualifications to work as an attorney rather than at human resources, but she wouldn't want to work with itto more than she already has to—and he doesn't even work there!

attorney!yanfei as one of the few sane people working at fontaine legal firm. though she rarely get's involved in the daily chaos of her workplace, her fiery spirit in the courtroom knows no bounds!

part-time barista!kaveh that was (begrudgingly) ordered by alhaitham to get a job so he could stop pathetically drowning in student loan debt and his latest architectural project. horrible with drinks and customer interactions outside of his usual field, it's safe to say he'd rather be in crippling debt.

hu tao serving as the proprietor of wangsheng funeral parlor and as a partner in crime to itto and heizou, much to everybody's annoyances. queen of "it was getting a little chummy around here," she is a reliable source of information.

and perhaps more?

IMPORTANT...

i'll attempt to have a taglist! hopefully, it doesn't end up as a whole-ass nightmare, but how it works is that i will reblog the start page every time i update the routes with the taglist in tow and hope for the best! if you want to be added, you can message me or send an ask! though, just to be safe, you can turn on notifs!

there's a lot of possible routes cuz i'm lowkey a sadist, four "bad endings," ten "good endings," a neutral ending, and maybe a few secret endings (who's gonna get them first?? 👀)

there isn't a set schedule for the time being! where i live in, i'm busy with preparing for a standardized test (staar will be the death of me). please be patient with me!!

𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠… heavily inspired by law dramas, tears of themis, shojo manga, manhwa, the works; fluff, hurt/comfort, interactive fic, angst

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬… heavily inspired by law dramas and tears of themis (so i wouldn't have to do too much research lmao), definitely not realistic MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH DEPENDING ON WHAT ROUTE YOU TAKE LATER ON

𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝟏𝐬𝐭, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 (𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨)

[harrysmimi]

Sugar

Synopsis: One where YN is dragged along by Harry for Coachella but she ain't complaining

CW: smut

More of my work

YN never expected to ever step a foot outside of London until she has graduated and spent at least fifteen years of her life practicing Law until Harry asked her - no basically dragged her along with him to LA.

Who was Harry to her you may ask? He didn't liked the title but it is the truth that he's basically her sugar daddy.

He liked to say he is sponsoring her education for nothing in return. And it is also true that he hasn't gotten anything in return. Yet. Nor he expects it.

What an amazing sugar daddy he is!

But it eats away at YN's mind and heart seeing how much he spends on her. Her tuition fees and textbooks eat majority of what he spends on her. His hard earned money, he spent all his teenage years earning to be spent on her like pouring water into a river - it was pointless.

And exactly, it made no sense!

Not to her, when he doesn't expect anything in return from her, like other sugar daddies do, he expects no sexual favours or even public outing in return. But she was drowning in debt from her car loan, student loan and she was three months behind her rent and was just two days away from getting evicted from the flat she has been living in since she was eighteen. Her two jobs she worked weren't enough to get her by, even if she cut down on most essential things.

When and how Harry came as her saviour? How has her life been before they met each other? Those are stories for another time.

But she is really in fear of when his mood would strike and he'd ask her to suck his dick off for him, or fuck her to oblivion. Well, he doesn't seem that kind of guy but she has got major trust issues. Especially since this guy she dated tried to take her advantage when she was drunk her ass off, luckily for her that night her friends were with her. But men her whole life have been very unpredictable to her.

Apart from making out a couple of time, her and Harry haven't done anything. That too with her consent. He doesn't even holds her hand without asking her. He's nothing but just so kind, and nurturing, and caring, and soft, and calm, and patient, and the list goes on. But could it be a mask for something which doesn't or wouldn't favour her.

One thing she takes with her into getting in her career is fo never trust anyone. That's what she has been doing her whole life. She learned to never trust anyone at the very tender age of six.

Harry has, no doubt become first constant in her life. If not anything more he's a good friend. A very good friend, she might add.

And spoiler alert, she would admit that she has fallen for him hard.

There was a big internal turmoil she found herself in as she stepped on that private get with him that night. It was scary because she doesn't remember being on a plane, let alone a private jet with sofa like seats.

But she tried to negotiate in not going to LA with him. She fears. She fears of dying somewhere and her friends being unknown of that. What if he is a serial killer as well as a global star? You never know!

"But what about DumDum?" She asked, packing a duffle bag Harry got her last minute with a sweater and other small things as her only suitcase she own is full and very small for a two week long trip. "I can't leave him alone."

"That cat will be taken care of, sugar, don't worry about him." Harry sighed as he sat patiently on the edge of her bed.

"He is not just a cat, he is my son!" YN argued as she threw everything of makeup she owns in a small pouch. Yes she found that black ball of purring fur beside a dumpster not even a month ago, but she loves him very much - and the feelings are mutual! "Where is he going?"

"To the cat hostel." He shrugged.

"You are not sending my baby to a hostel. He is too young!" She gasped, "maybe, I shouldn't go. He needs me here."

"You are making bad excuses, Sugar, now stop stalling, we have to leave in ten minutes." Harry chuckled as he got up to gather the rest lf her stuff, her carry on bag pack he sees her carry everywhere she goes and her suitcase, and even put DumDum in his carrier. "There is a surprise for you there, come on now."

YN stood there on the other side of her bed, with a nervous and scared face, making him ask, "do you trust me?"

"No," she mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?" He enquired.

"I said, I can't afford the trip." She gulped, nervously. Harry kept the bag aside and set DumDum's carrier carefully on the floor before he walked upto her.

"Look, I won't force you anymore." He assured her, "wanted to keep this a surprise but, since you won't trust me. I'm taking you there with me is because Billie Eilish is performing there, and I can take you to watch her."

"What?"

"Mhmm," he nodded, "you appear to like her a lot, so yeah, I thought that would be a good early present for m'kitten."

"Wait, I, I don't like her." YN stuttered, deadass lying on his face but all he did was look down.

She was dressed Billie Eilish merch, a large Tshirt and sweat pants. There was a poster of the girl on her wall and her album vinyls too, even though she doesn't have a record player.

Harry also remembers her running back home after finding the things she's wearing at a thrift store, ranting and squealing about it and how good of a steal it was to both her best friends on a phone call as he waited for her to let him in with her.

Harry sent off DumDum with his other manager Tommy to be signed into a cat hostel.

To focus on one thing, YN is very nervous to fly in a plane for basically first time. It was killing her soul. She just sat there, looking like a scared little puppy in a corner seat when she got to know she can sit wherever she pleases.

"Hey, what's wrong love?" Harry asked.

"I'm just nervous to be on a plane." She shared, a sheepish smile on her face. He sat next to her.

"Here, you can hold my hand. But you've got nothing to worry about." He assured her, "our pilot is amazing, he's flown me many times around the world." He strapped her seat belt for her as she was fiddling with it.

"Oh, has he?"

"Mhmm." Harry nodded, "so it's okay, I know you worry a lot." He went to put on his own seatbelt.

"You're lying." She deadpanned.

"About what I'm lying you think?"

"That you know the pilot." She squinted her eyes at him, "Harry don't lie to me about this, it is going to make me more anxious. I might literally throw up on the floor."

He chuckled, "my love, wouldn't lie about this. I care about you, so of course I don't lie. Not to you at least."

"So you do lie?"

"What about we watch your favourite movies?" He suggested to distract her switching the subject.

Once about halfway to LA, YN was still anxious.

"YN, it's okay, love." Harry cooed, "I'm sorry I forced you to come along with me."

"No, I'm fine." She sniffled on her tears, taking in deep breaths.

Harry was genuinely feeling bad for dragging her along with him. He wasn't aware of her this fear or he would have never even mention it twice to her. All eight months he have spent with her, he'd come to conclusion that she's naturally very anxious person, that she is paranoid most of the time.

"We're almost there," he assured her. "I'm sorry again, love."

"Harry, no, it's okay." She cooed in attempt to make him feel better about this. It wasn't his fault that she's scared of her first time on a plane since she was a toddler. It was no one's fault.

"Do you want to get pizza after we land?" He asked, she loves pizza more than anything.

"I'd like that." She nodded.

"Thought so," he smiled pressing a kiss of her head.

There was definitely something reciprocated from his side, or at least that's what she likes to think about. The way he looks at her doesn't fail to make her skin heat up, or the way he call her all his sweet names. Her favourite was Bunny or Kitten.

Her friends would argue otherwise that it was normal for her fall for him when they're sleeping together and he's essentially taking care of her in a way, which isn't entirely true. He hasn't touched her in that way. Though she could feel the sexual tension in the room they're in.

Like now, as she sat next to him, hugging his arm as he read his book silently. He's a big reader she reckoned. He's always reading some or other book. She can never do that. He pulls it off too, with a pair of reading glasses perched up on his perfect nose.

She didn't realise when she fell asleep, but Harry woke her after they landed, she is indeed a heavy sleeper as he says. She didn't wake up when their plane landed.

"Did you had a good sleep, babylove?" He enquired, a sleepy look on his own face as he smiled at her.

"Yeah," she nodded smiling back. Harry leaned down to press another kiss on her head.

"C'mon love, let's go to our hotel now." He grabbed her stuff for her like a true gentleman he is out of the plane and handed it to one his guard so it can be put into the car.

YN was expecting a different room for herself but Harry had different plans she reckoned, they'd have to share a room. A suite to be exact, which was so fucking luxurious it made her own rented one bedroom flat like a dumpster in comparison.

It had it's own kitchen, a living room, a balcony, bedroom and en suite bathroom, a whole ass walk in closet! The sofa looked so luxurious she wouldn't mind switching it up with her bed at home.

"Are we going to share a room?" She asked.

"Sorry I didn't tell you about it, but yes, there are no more suites available whilst our stay here on this floor." Harry shared.

"Oh," was her reaction.

"Can get you different room on another floor if you're ot comfortable." He suggested.

"It's fine, I guess." She shrugged dropped her carry on bag on the floor as she checked out the room. She doesn't want him to spend on another room for no reason. She so badly wanted to jump on the bed and do a bounce test but she was afraid to break the frame as everything looked so expensive.

Her friends would have gone nuts at the site of this room alone, destroy the perfectly made bed in a matter of minutes. She'd join them too, without any hesitation!

Just as she was about to go to the balcony she felt a tug on her hand. Harry had pulled her in, he took a seat on the edge of the bed they were to share for their entire trip. He trapped her between his thighs, making her sit on his lap. It wasn't a new thing for him to be physical with her, she quite liked it. Afterall she's been deprived of physical touch with human her whole life, so she'd shamelessly indulge into his cuddles, and even sweet little kisses.

This all had no label to it, as he doesn't like the idea of giving their relationship a label of Sugar Daddy and Sugar baby. He hates that for some reason. Maybe she can call it friends with benefits? But they're lacking the benefits part to the major on his side.

She grabbed a gentle hold of his hand which was wrapped around her waist from behind to her side, he wasn't wearing his usual rings so it was easier for her slip her fingers between his. Feeling his warm palm against her own gave her a sense of security in some way. Which she doubts is healthy, to be dependent on someone like this, her therapist would agree to that if she even had one. But she doesn't care.

"Do you want to go get dinner tonight with me?" He asked.

"Mhmm," she nodded.

"What do you feel like eating, sugar?" He spoke, his mouth closer to her skin of her neck as he peppered her with ticklish kisses.

"I don't know," she shrugged, smiling, "I'll tell you when I decide."

"Yeah? I was going to say we go eat some Lebanese food?" He suggested, lifting his head up to look at her. He knows that's her favourite cuisine to have, the look on her face was what he was expecting.

"Yes!" She beamed.

"Thought you'd like the idea." He teased, "do you want to rest whilst I get few things sorted for the show tomorrow?"

"I'm fine, I'll just go take a shower." She said.

"Okay," he kissed her cheek, "wear something pretty for tonight, yeah?"

She just nodded dumbfounded. He has never asked her to wear something "pretty" before. It was not something she was expecting coming from him. What did he meant by that? Something pretty on the outside or inside?

She was going to embarrass herself if he meant something pretty inside with her granny panties.

She decided to stick to her usual regardless. She didn't packed anything necessarily pretty thinking she's not going to need any as being their normal self was something she was actually expecting.

None the less, the dinner was amazing!

"Harry, no!" She whined when she stole a Felafel from her plate, so in return she stole a Kebab from him.

"You're stealing."

"You started it."

And they play argued about it all night. Going back and forth from stealing from each other's plates, but ending up sharing anyway. Harry decided they walk back to their hotel, he was quite liking the weather he said.

He loves to walk, and she's not used to that much walking but she isn't going to complain because she is having an amazing time. By the end of the night, YN stopped him halfway on their way back to hotel to take off her heeled shoes.

"Here lemme do it," he crouched in front of her, placing her hand he had in his on his shoulder as he proceeded to take off her shoes for her.

"Harry you don't have-"

"Shush!" He sounded, "do you want to wear mine?"

"No, I can walk barefoot." She said, "thank you," watching him so focused in untying her shoes and not getting the lace tangled was so adorable to her. A stray curl managed to plop out of the mop of hair he had gelled down earlier to keep tame, he needed a hair cut he said but honestly she liked his hair like that. It was a bummer she did not felt she had the right to tell him that she should maybe opt not to cut it, she is not his girlfriend after all.

She tried to take her shoes from him but he did let her as he grabbed her hand with his free one again stood up.

"No problem," he pressed a soft kiss on the full of her mouth.

"Harry, we're on a street." She reminded her as he started walking again. All of a sudden he was now tall again to her being flat on her feet again.

"Are you afraid of PDA?" He scoffed confusedly.

"No, but allegedly you've got a girlfriend, you can't be caught like this." YN said.

"I could care less about it." Sighing, he draped his arm around her shoulder as he pulled her closer to him. Instead of feeling remorse she gave into the warmth radiating from him, she wouldn't want to be involved with him if he were in a relationship, it's just those PR articles which made her feel bad sometimes.

Once back in the hotel room, Harry let her go finally so she can get ready for bed.

"When did you get these?" Harry asked placing her shoes on aside.

"They're my friend's I borrowed for this trip." YN shared.

YN was having a good day, she decided as she managed to wash her make-up off without getting anything in her eyes and having a burning eye until morning. Her hair was acting amazingly. Her PJs felt more comfy tonight. The sheets on their bed were changed she noticed, they were nice and cold and cosy when she got under waiting for Harry who was taking way too long, she was going to fall asleep then and there.

"Did you had a good time today?" Harry asked when he got out of the shower, agressively rubbing his hair dry with his microfiber towel, a pair of basketball short hung on his hips. These little things about him were making her fall hard for him, uncontrollably.

It was going to be hard on her when things come to end with him eventually in future she reckoned. But she was going to cherish every moment of it till it lasts, she also decided.

"Don't rub on your hair like that!" She exclaimed. He just shrugged and threw his towel on the spare chair with rest of his random clothes there and got in bed next to her. He's a messy one and it for sure trigger her OCD in some matters.

"Why did you ask me to wear something pretty?" YN asked, catching him off guard. She isn't this unpredictable.

"Why? Are you wearing something pretty?" He counter questioned, brows furrowed in anticipation.

"No!" She had a sheepish look on her face, regretting ever asking that question, "I didn't bring anything pretty with me." That earned a heart chuckle from him.

"I don't expect you to, sugar okay?" He assured her. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable asking that."

"You just caught me off guard." She not so subtly scooted closer to him, "it's okay."

"Yeah?" He sounded, taking her in his arms gladly, "I wouldn't mind seeing you in something pretty you know? You look pretty in anything in my opinion."

"Shush, stop it now go to sleep you've got a show tomorrow." She put an end to this conversation. She is embarrassed okay!

......................................................................

YN felt left out most of the time when she's surrounded by people Harry have known for years. All of them are older than her. She doesn't know many of them. Most of them look at her like she's some alien. Just the girls from the love band really put in effort to be nice to her and actually talk to her kindly from Harry's team. Especially Harry's manager and his wife and his pretend partner gave her constant side eyes. She feel out of place.

She didn't wanted to be there. She felt cold of a sudden, maybe it was the skimpy crop top she wore today deciding it's going to be hot. She even tried to distract herself by going to the Pleasing store there and even getting her nails done even though she never liked it one bit. It made everything worse when she saw Harry having lunch with the woman she felt so jealous of, for a few pictures whilst she was gone. He then was dragged over for the sound check for the night.

She'd put so much effort into her look today for the first time in life. She wore the crop top she crocheted herself, even did her makeup, red eyeliner with cherries and strawberries under each one winged out pigment she spent and hour drawing this morning. But now she just wanted to and bury herself in piles of blankets and disappear from the face of the planet.

"Harry?" YN went over to him when he was done. She grabbed onto the hem of the yellow Pleasing hoodie he was wearing to tug on it to get his attention.

"Yes, my love?" He gave her his undivided attention without any hesitation, "you look so red, did you not put on any sunscreen, baby?" He was already dragging her to the shade by his trailer she thought but instead he took her inside. "Are you okay?"

"I want to go back to our hotel." She said, looking for her carry on she left somewhere.

"Are you okay?" He repeated his question.

"I just want to go back, I don't want to be here. Does it look like I am okay?" She snapped panicking to find her bag so she can leave.

"Hey, hey, sit down here." He made her sit on the sofa there, "what is going on? It's alright, you know you can tell me, baby." He assured her, "you trust me?"

"I just don't like the way they treat me." She admitted. He watched as the corners of her mouth started tucking down with a sad pout becoming more prominent as she tried to hold back her tears.

"Who are they you're talking about, sugar?" He really got worried, because he wouldn't want anyone to treat someone who's become so dearly precious to him badly. Especially given the setting of things they had agreed verbally upon to be in with one another. "Is it just one person?"

"I don't want to name any names, Harry, I just want to be alone now." She really seemed on the edge of a breakdown now. "Find my bag please?" She now felt the heat her body was disguising during her moment of panic, she started sweating all of a sudden, her lips have turned white till then.

"I'm not letting you be alone like this, look at you." He sighed, quickly fetching her a bottle of water from the portable fridge. He had never seen her like this since he first saw her at the bar in the hallway to the bathroom about to pass out, that's how he met her, took her out to the fresh air and gave her water. She wasn't crying that night but she was in same state of anxiety.

"No, I just want to go back." She mumbled quietly.

"C'mere." He ushered her towards him wrapping her up in his arms once again. She was quick to bury her face in his chest, even sobbing when she felt the weight of his hand on the back of her head caressing her hair. That one gesture made every anxious feeling she carried about him and her in a second. "Hey it's okay." He decided it's better to have that moment until she calms down herself. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"Not now." She shook her head.

"You still want to go back to hotel?" He asked.

"Yes, please!"

"Okay, come on we'll get you there now, yeah?"

Despite her protesting that she can go by herself, Harry drove her to the hotel himself. Made sure she was still doing okay before he left for the show tonight.

"YN, you feeling okay now?" He asked. She has been lying in bed from past three hours with AC on full blast with the blanket pulled over to her ear with her back faced to him.

She was feeling horrible. For having a sudden breakdown whilst he was just trying to work. She did not expected to have this kind of reaction to hear Jamie, his pretend girlfriend and his manager Jeffery, talk shit about her behind her back like that. She has bad that happen to her all her life. This one got to her because those were complete strangers to her with very false assumptions about her. Her mind was racing again.

Maybe she should just...

"YN, talk to me baby." She was interrupted by Harry, she could feel his warmth and weight on her upper bod. Realising he was leaning onto her as if to hug her. He likes his hugs and never compromises on them, but he's heavy even though he appears to be dainty and delicate in person. He's six feet tall for gods sake and her five and half feet body could take so much of that weight.

"You're heavy." She mumbled.

"Oh, I'm sorry." He chuckled moving away just enough so she can trun on her back, "you're feeling okay now?"

"A little." She nodded, earning herself an affectionate kiss on the apple of her cheek.

"You want to come see me then at the show?" He asked, hopeful that she'd go because he's got a tiny surprise for her.

"I don't know." She said hesitantly. "I'm sorry."

"You want to tell me why, hm? Never seen you cry like that before, sugar, is everything okay?" He requested, stressing on the subject a bit more. He knew someone was being rude and mean to her and he needed to know who it was.

"I heard Jamie and Jeffery talking about how I'm taking advantage of you, and I'm hogging all your money. You just don't see that according to them." She blurt out feeling safe to be vulnerable enough to share how she was truly feeling and what and who made her feel that way, "I just don't want to deal with that and please don't say anything to either them. I want to stay in. That really made me upset because somewhere it's the truth."

"Oh my little love," he sighed, "that's not true. No one can tell me what to do with my earnings, you're not hogging all of it, okay? Don't let get to you please? No one can tell you what you feel is wrong or what you do is wrong unless you're not hurting anyone. You're the kindest and sweetest one I've met in painfully long time, I've never once felt that you're taking advantage of me. In fact if it were anyone else they'd probably ask for more than what I have to offer, you put up a fight against me if I try to get you something, that's enough for me to trust you, okay? What we have is not anyone's business to talk about but us."

"Since we're being vulnerable here, I want to tell you that you become very precious to me. I've grown to care about you." He grabbed her hand in a gentle hold, as he pushed her hair out her face with his free hand. "I am sorry for not listening to you here, but I'm going to have a conversation about this with Jeffery. He's my friend doesn't mean he can talk shit about people I care for, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded, "thank you. And I'm sorry. I promise I'll return you every penny I've borrowed once I have a proper job after graduation. And ehm-"

"Don't talk about that." He interrupted her, "now do you still want to stay in here? I was hoping you'd come see me play, Shania Twain is performing with me."

That made her freeze there. She's been obsessed with Shania Twain since she met Harry, he introduced her to the artist and she's never stopped listening to her since. But she'd still rather stay in than even see Jamie's face for saying those disgusting things about her which Harry doesn't know and will never know.

"I'll watch it from here." She suggested, "I just really don't want to go there, want to be alone."

"Okay, I won't force you." He agreed, "you want me to order you something for dinner?"

"I think I'll go out to this restaurant I saw," she shrugged, "before your performance starts."

"You promise you're going to eat?" He asked.

"I promise." She held out her small pinky making him giggle, he wrapped his own around hers and kissed it to seal their promise.

"You got your nails done?" He beamed seeing her red and baby teal blue shade, "even like your makeup and this pretty top you made. You're so talented, baby." He leaned down to pepper her face with sloppy wet kisses, making her giggle, "I am gonna steal it from you."

"I'll make you one so we can match." She suggested.

"Yeah?" He looked at her, "I'd love that, kitten."

"I think you should go before you manager calls you." She reminded him. He dropped his head low sighing, their cheeks touching each other she could feel his stubble poke against her skin.

He didn't wanted to leave her alone!

"Don't wait up for me, okay? I'll leave as soon as I am done." He mumbled before lifting himself up from her finally, press a tender kiss on her mouth and then on the corner of her lips.

"Okay." She nodded.

......................................................................

Harry came back by around half past one, found the bedroom lights in the suite turned off. But he saw a yellowed blue-light of phone illuminating YN's face there as she lied on their shared bed texting.

"Hi lovie, you didn't sleep?" He walked over to her not bothering to turn on the lights and ruin the calm atmosphere she had created in there.

"No, I was talking to Brielle. She said your performance was amazing." YN shared as she sat up and locked her phone when he sat next to her there.

"Thank her from me." He smiled, "I'll go and shower, okay? Be with you in ten."

"Take your time." She said. He was still wearing the outfits he wore whilst performing, "I really like your outfit."

"Thank you baby, I knew you're gonna like it." He beamed glanced down at his outfit once. "Go to bed now, we're going out tomorrow morning."

"Mhmm." She nodded, "I want a kiss."

"C'mere then," with his hand behind her neck he drew her closer to him with a tilt to her head, he connected their mouths together. Keeping it short and sweet for now he pulled away but got a kiss on his cheek. "Is that enough to hold you off till I shower?"

"Mhmm." She nodded again, he pressed another little peck on her mouth before retrieving entirely.

"I'll be back, yeah?" He ran to shower gathering a change of clothes, just a pair of boxers and basketball shorts he liked to wear to bed.

He looked very happy. He sang songs from his new album tonight which she's heard before, he played the album to her after he was fully done by it to get her views on it as she hardly listened to his music. Seeing that dimpled smile of his warmed her heart so much.

She got out of bed to go fetch the little chocolate cake pastries she got for dessert but saved to share it with. She did went out to get dinner, ate some nice Gnocchi, on her way back she stopped at a bakery to get the last slice of chocolate cake. It's been sitting in the mini fridge of the hotel room since. She was proud of herself to say the least for going out on her own and ordering for herself. Ordering her meals or coffee gave her serious anxiety, resulting her to more home cooked meal which took pride in, but when she was feeling shit and didn't wanted to cook she'd just had settle on a pizza she'd order from an application so she wouldn't have to talk to a person on a phone call. She was feeling shit today but still made an effort to go out herself.

"Did you get dinner baby?" He asked as he came out of the shower, towel drying his hair quite vigorously.

"Yes. And I got us cake!" She announced earning a confused glance from him. "What?"

"You really went out?" He asked even though the cake from a bakery was very big evidence she did. "There was nothing charged on my card."

"You gave me your card three months to get you coffee on my way back from errands once and refuse to take back doesn't mean I'm going to use it." She proceeded to take out a slice of cake for herself from the box because it looked so fucking delicious and she couldn't wait, he went back in the bathroom for some reason.

"I gave it to you for the exact reason. Haven't yet got the time to get you one with your name." He sat next to her, dipping his head down he have a kiss on her cheek. "I am so proud of you for going out on your own, sugar." It was the truth. She'd only go out to eat when with him (or her best friend Brielle a handful of times), he ordered for her everytime knowing pretty well she'd rather stall all night that actually talk to a waiter to tell them what she wants to eat at their restaurant.

"Thank you." She smiled. "Did you had your dinner?"

"Mhmm." He nodded, proceeded to ask, "What else did you do today?"

"I stayed in bed and watched you perform. Shania looked so pretty!" She shared. "Also did a little face mask."

"Without me?" A little upset pout took over his lips.

"We can do one tomorrow." She suggested taking his faux-upset look to heart, but he grinned not bothering to correct her adorable concern. She offered him a bite of the cake on the one-time-use wooden spoon which he gladly accepted, she got it for both of them to share. "It's so good, isn't it?" She searched his face for a reaction excitedly.

"It is baby." He agreed. "Too sweet for me though, you can have the rest."

By the time she finished up her cake she filled him with the tea of this on going drama in her friend circle. Apparently one of her classmate got pregnant with the guy who she was cheating on her boyfriend with, now the guy doesn't want to be involved in the scene by all mean and with all his rights and it's created his huge entertaining drama around it. Her friend Brielle takes in huge interest in gossips. And that why even though YN's known the girl her whole life she doesn't tell her more than just a few bullet points with anything Harry and her related. She respects his privacy and doesn't want her friend to go and accidentally spill all the information to everyone. Though she haven't yet told anyone about YN and Harry, which is a good thing that she promises to keep it the same way.

Harry threw her the trash for her watching her mood lifted from earlier today. He did had a talk with Jamie and Jeffery after the show though.

"Oh, I have a few things to show you." YN remembered watching Harry get in bed with her, "where is my phone?" She looked around.

"I don't know?" He looked under the blanket and pillows.

"Maybe I left it outside." She got out of bed and ran out to look for her phone.

Harry didn't know if she really remembers what she's wearing considering it's three in the morning. It was pretty rare for her to prance around like that just in a pair of panties and one of his shirts which is always too large for her somehow. She just runs away to put on a pair of pants when he's around and he respects that though he wouldn't mind.

"I saw this man walking his cat on a leash." She spoke entering the room with her phone in her hands, her pretty face illuminated under the blue light as she searched for something she wants to show him. "I want to train DumDum like this."

"Do you want to get in bed with me first, sweet girl?" He suggested, eyeing her up and down and then up again. Caught. She looked down at her state of clothing, the shirt barely covered her ass.

"I'll go put some pants on, sorry," she kept her phone on the side table in hurry. She didn't mind what she wore, she's grown to love her body, she liked to go to bed properly clothed in respect to Harry when he's around. It might make him uncomfortable, there are chances. She respects his personal space and boundaries like he does.

"It's alright sweet girl, c'mere, it's hot for you to sleep in sweats. I don't mind come on." He urged her. "I'm half naked too."

"Go put a shirt on!" Her fake scold sent him into a fit of laugh that he missed watching her snuggle up next to him. She showed him the pictures and videos she took of the cat she was talking about, apparently he was named Sushi and was there ar the shushi restaurant next to the one YN went to eat Shushi. "He's going to love your song Music For Sushi Restaurant."

"Mhmm, I wrote that so g about him." Harry pointed out, "look he's got green eyes." He zoomed in on the picture of the cat making YN giggled, she locked her phone and kept it away to get under blanket with him. Harry couldn't help but get a peek at the baby blue of her cotton panties she was wearing. He just pulled her in a bear cuddle letting her use his bicep as a pillow wrapping his free arm around her waist. His nose skimming against her, he closed his eyes feeling her soft breaths warm up his skin. "What happened today, won't happen again baby. Not on my watch, okay?"

"I'm okay now." She assured him, "it just hurt in that moment."

"I want you to tell me of it happens again." He said with a firm tone, "won't tolerate it again."

"I will." She pressed a tender kiss with all lovely feelings she has harboured for him during their time together as she proceeded to snuggle into him their cheeks pressed together in feathery contact. She could feel his hand wander lower and lower, over the expanse of her bum and back up sneaking under her shirt a little, it was set into pattern now.

"You're comfortable?" He asked, she knew exactly about what and it had her nodding her head gently. She liked the way he was touching her, it was first but she was already addicted. He's never gone this far ahead touching her affectionately before, so it was pretty intimate for her. Last two days spent with him without going out for work or anything, she felt safe with him. Her fear of chances of him being a secret serial killer had vanished just today though it didn't kill all of her anxiety, it is going to take time for her.

His wandering hand snuck under her shirt feeling adventurous running up her side over her tummy, she suddenly didn't felt uncomfortable with her not-flat stomach. Letting him to whatever was best decision, she decided as it was making all happy feelings having a firework in her skull. It only got more as she felt butterflies floating up to her brain processing brushes of his lips on her neck and shoulder. Feeling tingly in between her legs she squirmed under his touch there.

YN was pushed gently to lay on her back with his hands under her head even though there was a fluffy pillow to protect her. She cracked open her eyes to find him hovering over her, close enough to feel his soft exhales on her skin. His hand still under her shirt slowly creeping up to rest to her ribs closer to the swells of her breast before he stopped. The lack of another layer of clothing under her shirt added just more to his anticipation and cravings of her, even though he's never had in this way before.

"This okay?" He asked, earning just a nod from her, "I'm gonna need words baby, yes or not?"

"Yes." She rushed. A rewarding kiss was pressed on the corner of her mouth as his fingers squeezed gently around her breast. She gasped softly. He rolled over her, making sure to not put any on his weight on her as he managed to fit between thighs. With his knees folded her sat on his knees to look at her.

"Thought you said you didn't brought anything pretty with you," a comment on her baby blue cotton panties had her flushed in a second, "you brought your pretty self." He added with a smirky grin on his face, dimples appearing on his cheek and all. "Do you want to tale this off?" His other hand snuck under her shirt.

"Would you want that?" She asked biting down her lip in anticipation.

"It's not entirely about me, would you want that?" He shook her head, still affectionately caressing her sides.

"I want that." She consented, having him help her slip her arms out of the shirt and have him carefully pull it over her head.

"Hi," he greeted with a chuckle watching her shake her head in attempt to move her hair off her face.

"Hi," she beamed at him.

"You're so pretty baby," he glanced at her longingly before he leaned down to kiss her with more affection, pressing his mouth on her a little too hard but she isn't complaining, "perfect for me, can tell already!" She kissed him back with same affection if not more. "You okay with me loving on you?"

"It is okay." She confessed.

"Yeah?" He was amused and smitten by her in the moment.

Harry left a trail of soft, sloppy wet kissed down her jaw to her neck. Lingering that much longer on her pulse, it was surely going to leave a mark with the way he sucked on her soft skin before he kept down lower and lower. Giving the peaks of her breasts attention, one hand wrapped around one as he wrapped his lips around the peaks of her nipple sucking that little harder each time, rolling the other in between his thumb and forefinger. That alone had her squirming and gasping as she felt the pool of wetness in between her legs grow.

"That's okay, don't hold your pretty sounds back, sugar, lemme hear them." He urged her hearing a soft squeal from her.

"I won't, I won't, please don't stop." She mumbled.

"Wasn't planning on bunny," he looked at her smirking all while searching her face as he let his hands wander even lower between her hands, brush of his fingers over the wet patch on her panties was enough to make her gasp again, louder this time. "Y'like that, sugar?"

"Mhmm, yes!" She nodded throwing her head back as he pressed his fingers harder on her clit, setting a rhythm of circled pattern causing another firework all over her brain. It felt different from the times she does it herself for sure. "More, please!" She requested, pulling him closer with his face cupped in her palms for a kiss. And he gave her more.

"Feel good, sugar?" He asked urging her, his finger tips running soft circles on her clit. "Wanna taste you, baby, would you mind that."

"No," she nodded followed by a soft whimper, "please." Just on request he pushed himself up so sit on his heels as he pulled down her panties. Taking a moment to look at her as she was lied there in layered in dreamy haze. He definitely did not expected this even though he started it but he isn't going to complain. He moved them both so he was now kneeling on the floor as he tugged her down with his hands wrapped from under her thighs. Without saying anything he started with pressing sloppy wet kisses up her skin. Hearing little whimpers of request for him to stop teasing, not giving into her begging he threw her legs over his shoulders to reach of her hand and intertwine their fingers together. He pushed her thighs apart licking a bold stripe over her clit before he was going down to her slit having her already shuddering under his touch. Pressing his mouth on the full of her pussy with the shake of his head making her clench her thighs around his head.

Propping herself on her elbows to look at his ministrations he wasn't going to stop anytime soon, nor she wanted him to. He saw him glancing up at with his mouth still attached to her core, with his free arm flexing which could only tell that he's jerking himself. That just edged her closer to her high. His humming of pleasure sending waves of vibration down her spin making her let slip her own moans.

"Are you going to cum, baby?" He asked pulling away just enough before diving back in the sweetness he seemed to be already addicted to. He was in complete sense of euphoria, buried in between her legs being the best decision he's made.

"Yes! Oh, Harry!" She let out her little whimpers.

"Yeah? Cum for me baby," he urged her, "lemme taste it, you taste so good!" His tongue lapping over her slick pussy he guided her through her high, hearing her little soft whimpers of pleasure. Sucking at her slit as his nose nudged against her clit with a particular hard shake of his mouth. He proceeded to lick her clean telling her how good of a girl he was for him. He could have a go again if she'd let him, but he pulled away with a last firm kiss placed on her clit before he rose up to check on her. He lied there like an angel falled right from heaven with her chest heaving, eyes shuttered closed in bliss. He leaned over to press a kiss on her cheek to get her attention.

"You doing alright baby?" He asked.

"Mhmm." She nodded, leaning into him being fond of the closeness she felt with him in that moment, it was very different than she's used to but god she didn't want it to end.

"Did so good, m'good girl you are." He praised her. His nose skimming against her before he placed his lips against her. She could taste herself which the natural taste of him she was grown so familiar with, but she pulled away with his face cupped in between the plams of her hands

"Did you finish?" She asked.

"You saw me, didn't you?" He smirked pressing on the tip of her nose he rested his forehead on hers, "I didn't. But don't worry about me now, tonight is about you, my little love."

"I want to help you." She urged him, "only if you let me." She felt his chest heave as he took in a long breathe as if he was contemplating. "Please?"

"Yeah? You want to help me?" He asked earning a sound of hum from her, "can I cum on your tummy then, don't want you to do anything while you're so tired."

"Uh-huh!" She nodded, "want you to feel good."

"Move up for me then, baby." He urged her to move up on the mattress, she did exactly watching him shimmy off his boxers and shorts fully before he managed to fit himself in between her thighs just like he was not even five minutes ago before he pulled her to the edge of their shared bed. "You sure you want this, baby?"

"I want it." She said, softly with a jerky nod of her head desperate to see him feel the same he saw her feel. It took everything in her to not touch him, especially when he hasn't given her his consent to do so as she watched him wrap his fingers around his cock, sliding his hand up and down slowly. YN looked up at him with her lip buried under her teeth. "Are you close?"

"So close," he shared, deep rumble of moans left his kiss swollen lips as he jerked himself over her. YN felt butterflies in her tummy all over again, wanting so badly to help but he won't let her touch him in anyway. She needed to find a way to urge him like he did.

"I want you to cum for me, Harry." She said, resting her hand over his which he had propped on the full of her thigh, running her palm up and down his forearm. "Are you going to?"

"Fuck yes, baby!" He moaned as his eyes shuttered closed. He couldn't help the smile taking over his lips as he heard her speak those words.

"Look at me, Harry!" She demanded, with all her rights making him instantly follow her words. He sat back on his heels as his fucked his own hand looking at her. Just the sight of her lied there bare had his cum spurring out with couple of hard strokes of his hand, landing right in between valley of her breasts.

"Fuck I'm gonna cum." He told her.

"Please cum for me." He urged him more, lacing fingers of his free hand with her. Enough for him to cum all over her making a mess of both of them until his cock went soft in his hand with heavy and breathy moans filling their room. With a soft tug at his hand she pulled over her as soon as he was done, pressing soft and lazy kisses on his cheek. "Made me cum so hard, baby, thank you."

A soft chuckle left her own kiss swollen lips, "it's two ways, right? You made me feel good too."

"Mhmm," he nodded.

"I want to help you next time like you helped me." She shared, "please?" Just the mention of a next time made Harry want to go at it again, but she looked tired, really tired he could tell by the tone of her voice.

"I promise, my love." He agreed. "Come on, let's take a quick shower then we can get dressed and go to bed. Got you all tired, didn't I?"

"Yeah!"

With his arm's wrapped around her waist he picked up with no efforts as made a way to their en suite bathroom. He carefully placed her on her wobbly feet stealing in a few tender kisses from her mouth.

"Need to get us a change of clothes, go on and get in first I will join you, okay baby?" He suggested earning an upset pout from her, "promise won't take long." He kissed her pout away before he stepped away and stepped out of bathroom reminding her, "make sure you take a wee too."

His casualness made her shudder in cringe on herself. How and why did she find that weird, whilst it's something important she does? He casualness wasn't something she found cringey but the feeling that took over her. But brushing it away she did what he said so and got into shower settings the water to luke warm even though she's used to taking burning hot showers. In no time Harry was joining her like he promised and helped her clean up the mess he made of the pair of them, making sure to give her extra kisses and praises.

"Harry?" She spoke as he wrapped a towel around her before her wrapped one around his hips.

"Hmm?" He sounded, proceeding to dry her off so she wouldn't catch a cold, "what is it lovie?"

"That was my first time being intimate with anyone." She confessed, with a hint of fear she might upset him for something.

"You didn't tell me?" He stopped dead on his tracks, "why baby?"

"I don't know," she shrugged, "I'm sorry, I should've."

"You should've told me, yeah," he agreed resuming his work of drying her off, "but I should've asked you. And it's okay."

"You didn't know."

"I know baby, but I started it, didn't I?" He sighed.

"Did I make you upset?"

"No, but I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable in anyway." He shared, leaving the towel draped over her shoulders as he reached for the pair of panties he got for her from her suitcase. He crouched, "step in."

"You didn't," she told him as she stepped into the pair of clothing and watched him pull it up her thighs to her waist, "you made me feel so safe."

"I did?"

"Mhmm." She nodded watching him reach for his hoodie he got got her, "I don't quite feel comfortable with myself, but I felt it with you. I should've told you." His shoulders deflated hearing her words, it was quite emotional thing for her he could tell and she isn't the most open person he's met but at least she's telling him the truth now. And he's glad he didn't gave into her begging of wanting to help him like he did. They can go slow if she wanted to do anything like that again.

"Precious, look at me." He set her up on the counter top next to the sink and stood in between her thighs, "thank you so much for telling me the truth." He started, his hands warming the sides of her hips, "I don't know how I feel, but it's okay, just need you to know that you can tell me anything next time when we're doing something intimate. Now I wanna everything. You said it's two ways, right?"

"Mhmm."

"Then that's how it's going to be." He stated quite firmly yet with tender feeling towards her, "like I told you, you're very precious and wouldn't want to do anything-even unintentionally- to hurt you, my love, okay?"

"Okay, I will." She agreed on it, earning the prettiest smile and a gentle kiss from him. "I don't want it." She refused watching him bunch up the hoodie he got for her to the neckline.

"Why not baby?"

"I want to cuddle close to you." She shared.

"You sure, you won't be cold?"

"No," she shook her head. He put on his own boxers before he was picking her up again, her legs wrapped around his hips and arms draped around his shoulders. He whispered his sweet nothings to her making a way back out with their half bare selves, as her soft giggles filled their room. He lied her down gently on their shared bed joining her closely. Wrapping her in duvet.

"Good night, sugar." He kissed her temple.

"Good night." She whispered snuggling as humanly close to him as possible.

......................................................................

The morning after was nothing but sweet and tender for YN, she was woken up by soft whispers from Harry. A huge breakfast in bed, and even bigger snuggle sesh as they watched her favourite show before getting into a warm bath together in the afternoon and get ready for the evening.

Harry took her to the Billie Eilish merch shops, bought her almost every single item they had to offer despite her little protests, and extra pair of sweats and crewneck for her best friend as her birthday present from both of them. They spent their time watching few of his favourite artists playing all the while without catching anyone's attention with Jamie and Jeffery with them. YN found it very weird as anywhere Jamie goes they have camera's following them but she wasn't complaining.

"Harry, can we go out to get dinner?" She suggested on their way back to their hotel.

"Where do you want to go, baby?" He asked, opening the door for her with his free hand as he held the bags with her new clothes, be let her in first.

"I don't know, I feel like eating rice cakes." She shared.

"Yeah? We can go to my favourite Korean restaurant then." He set her bags down by her duffle bag which was spilling out with stuff she had carelessly stuffed inside.

They just did that. Alone they both went to get dinner like their first night in LA. She taught Harry how to use chopsticks, laughing as she watched him still struggle. He stuck to using fork and spoon as they ate. They ordered a few desserts which Harry hardly ate from before they headed back to Coachella to watch Billie perform.

"You didn't eat any dessert." She pointed out as he walked just behind her, "we could have ordered something you like?"

"What if I tell you, I want my sugar for dessert, hm?" He leaned in closer to her ear, "tasted you once can already rell you're the sweetest dessert there's ever going be." He whispered, making goosebumps take over her skin.

"I don't mind that."

"I know you don't," he cooed, "would take you back with me now but we're here for you, aren't we? Unless you want to go back to our hotel."

"We can wait." She said, firmly, not wanting to give into his teasing even though she could feel those same tingles in between her legs as last night. Harry didn't said anything as they proceeded to walk towards the VIP area to watch her favourite singer.

It was a bummer Harry wasn't her favourite singer, but he's certainly her favourite in other ways.

YN had to walk next to Jeffery and Glenn as Jamie and Harry walked together. She was already craving the warmth of his palm against her watching his hand wrapped around someone elses. Yes, she felt the tinge of jealousy creep up in her mind and heart even though everything was just for show. It wasn't until a few songs in YN felt Harry tugging towards him to make her stand right in front of him as he wrapped his arms around smaller frame, she felt a soft press of his lips on her head through the hood she had up oh her head. Now that made that teeny bit jealousy go away for a second before she noticed Jamie was stood right next to him.

"Do you not want to take videos?" Harry wondered.

"Oh yeah," she realised as she fished out her phone from her pocket, and turned on the video to later send it to her friend and post it on her stories and keep it back in her pocket to enjoy the moment in person. Harry still had her caged in between his arms, their fingers intertwined together. YN brought their hands upto her lips before placing a soft kiss on the back of his hands before placing the bundle of their hands over her chest, letting his sway them both to the soft music of Ocean Eyes now playing.

Harry pushed her closer to him with his hand on her chest, holding flush against his own. "Gimme a kiss." His voice soft, just for the two of them.

"We're out." She reminded him. She cared for his public image. And to the public he was dating Jamie and if anyone saw him kissing her, he'd be a cheater which she would never want for him.

"I don't give a fuck, now gimme a kiss or I might die because of lack of kisses from my baby." He said, as dramatically as he could making her giggle before she turned her head to look at him. He dipped his head down desparately to button his mouth of her, he turned her around so he can indulge in the contact better.

He had her wrapped up in his arms for entire time they were there. His heart felt full whenever he is with her and that's what he wanted her to feel until Jeffery had to drive buldozer of his bullshit over their sweet time together saying people have started to notice he's not close to Jamie but someone else and had escorted them out of there.

YN felt so hurt, she was really just someone else? Why wouldn't his team address her like a human being but as if she's some weird mutated creature Harry liked to be around? She walked beside Glenn watching Jamie take a hold of Harry's hand, even proceeding to cling to his arms giggling her way out at something Jeffery said. She could see Harry's face as he walked ahead of her this time.

Jamie has been doing nothing but plaguing their time together. Worse part was thar Harry gave into it, even though he's obliged to do so. Not even just now but it's been like this since a month after Harry met her and he had to get into this pr relationship, it was very annoying from day one. Especially since Jamie hated her for apparently no reason at all. And so did Harry's team, especially his manager.

Well, YN didn't had any right to be that upset it's not like she's his girlfriend. She's just someone's he basically pays to hang with him throwing away the fact that she would do all this without any conditions because she fallen in love with him. You don't put any conditions in front of a person you love so much.

Love is always supposed to be unconditional, she knew that.

She brushed it off and decided to walk ahead and get in the car in back seat knowing very well she'll be told to do so when Harry's driving, there are paps called outside and many screaming fans stood there with their cameras out. Harry drove off to their hotel, everyone annoyingly stayed at the same hotel.

YN still walked ahead and stook the stairs instead not wanting paps to even click even a single picture of her. As a college student with almost all of her batch being Harry's fan was mot going to make her life any easier than it already is. But she truly felt bad. Be isn't going to back off his backend deal with the movie he worked in for some girl he met more more than half year ago and pays for her college for her. That's some weird ass shit she thought is going on there. All her life she's felt unwanted and worthless and being around his people makes it even worse even when he insists he wants her in his life.

She one stupid to fall for him.

She reached the fourth floor huffing and puffing looking through her phone to distract her mind from wandering from streets to gutters. She bumped into Harry stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, an upset look over his features.

"Why didn't you get in the lift?" He asked her.

"I didn't wanted any pictures taken of me on accident." She said walking down the corridor to their shared room. He followed her like lost little puppy trying to keep up with her fast footsteps.

"Hey, what's wrong love? I'm sorry we had to leave early." He cooed trying to still catch upto her, he hated how down far their room was, "she's performing next weekend too we can stay till the very end, sugar!" Finally they came to their room and YN tried to open the door with spare key card she had, but struggled to do so with her vision blurred out by her tears. Harry calmly took the key from and opened the door leading her in he shut the door behind them making sure to lock it. He walked her inside and made her sit on their bed and took a seat on the yellow ottoman in front of her.

"What's wrong?" He asked again.

"I don't know." She shook her head, pulling her hand away from his grip.

"I know you know when you say that," he sighed, "what made you this upset, my love? Why are you crying?" He waited patiently for her answer his concerns but she didn't, she's very stubborn when it comes to sharing her feelings. "If you don't tell me what's wrong then how I'm gonna help you fix it?"

"I don't know."

"You want me to assume what happened?" He asked even though he had no assumptions about what must went down.

"I don't know."

"YN c'mon stop being stubborn, baby, I'm tryin' to figure out what got you all upset when you were so happy." His shoulders slumped in defeat, he ran a heavy hand over his face and through his hair. "Fine if you're not going tell me."

"I wasn't." She deadpanned. A heavy sigh he released calmed him down.

"What are you upset about, my love?" He asked, again, with much more patience than before.

"It's embarrassing." She shook her head, dismissing the thought of wanting to share that she's jealous of his pretend girlfriend because she's fallen head over heels for him after he'd shown just some affection towards her.

"You know I would never judge you," he cooed to her, reassuring her as took a gentle hold of her hands. Still amused by how much smaller her hands were in compare to his, they fit perfectly in his like that last piece puzzle. "Did Jamie or anyone said anything mean to you again?"

"No," she looked down at their joined hands in her lap.

"Are you upset we left early?"

"I didn't liked the way Jeffery had us escorted back to hotel because he saw people were starting to, to notice us, us sharing a kiss." She stuttered through her little complain, "I, I don't like it when she's around whenever we're out and I have to be pretend I'm not someone to you."

"But you're everything to me." He confessed, "and I mean it. I am really sorry you feel that way, sugar. I promise we're going out when she's not around, yeah? It is just going to be us, I promise."

"You do?" She asked.

"Mhmm, I do." He nodded, "see it was that easy to fix this, didn't need to cry on this." He wiped off her tears from her face, holding both her hands in one of his as if she's going to run away. "Did you get jealous of Jamie hogging all of our alone time?"

"I did." She cemented, without any hesitation glaring at him for his unnecessary teasing in the moment.

"I'm sorry," he rushed, "but you do know I don't even look at her, don't you? You know I'm coming back to you at the end kf the day, don't you?" He wasn't even trying to conceal the little he'd harboured on her now. Not when their alone time being invaded made her that upset for her to shed tears. "You've got nothing to worry about you know that, don't you?"

She gave him another jerky nod of her head, "mhmm, I know."

"Then gimme me a hug now." He dropped her hands just so he can wrap him up in his arms, she had hers tucked in between them. He even peppered the exposed skin of her face with as many kisses as he could.

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[rosedpetal]

Over Again

Summary: You tried to run from him, but he wasn't about to allow that.

Pairing: Lloyd Hansen x Reader

Word count: 1k

Author's note: this is a repost.

Warnings: smut, imbalance relationship dynamics, all that fun stuff.

Minors, do not interact.

Masterlist

Shit.

You mumbled under your breath, feeling your eyes water and a strangled sob leave your throat. Your back hit the cold bathroom wall, and you tried your hardest to inhale and exhale, the mechanical act of breathing seeming too hard to do in the moment.

The two red lines in the pregnancy test made you know your life was never going to be the same again.

You lived with your parents. You were drowning in college debts (which was how you ended up in this whole mess). You were pretty sure you couldn't afford to buy diapers and formula for at least the next fifteen years.

Your cries got louder, and you squeezed the plastic test in your palm, as if it could make everything go away.

It wouldn't.

With your arms crossed over your chest and fidgeting with your leg anxiously, sunglasses to attempt to cover your face and a flowery sundress, you stood in the line to enter the shady clinic that Betty gave you the address to.

"The father left?" a sudden low male voice spoke behind you, and you shrieked.

You turned to look at him, fear rushing through your spine.

Lloyd looked too good for his own good in one of his stupid polo shirts, the creepy grin under the ugly mustache that you grew to love when it rubbed your most intimate parts adorning his sculpted face.

The few women in front of you were too aggravated by their own little problems to acknowledge the commotion you made.

"Lloyd, I-I can explain." You gulped. "I'm just here waiting for a friend, I-"

"Shut the fuck up, sunshine. You're a terrible liar." He mocked you, eyeing like a stalker do to its prey. "You're not showing yet. Little Hansen's already giving you hell?"

You cringed when he said that, a wave of nausea threatening to spill the contents of your breakfast.

"How did you...?"

Before you could say anything more, Lloyd roughly yanked you by your arm, shoving you to the backseat of his expensive car. The driver rolled the partition up, giving you two privacy.

"You know, sunshine, you could've come to me. But you chose to go behind my back, and that I can't forgive."

"Lloyd-"

"I told you to shut the fuck up." His blue eyes darkened, the gaze of lust and anger weighing on you like a thousand pounds. "Now, you're going to be a big girl and explain with words why on the damn earth you were going to have an abortion. Now."

Your tears fell freely on your face and you felt his fingers on your chin, forcing you to look at him.

"I'm so so sorry." You broke, just the way he loved. "I didn't wanna be a burden."

Lloyd gently caressed your face with the back of his hand, wiping your tears away his thumb.

"I was willing to do everything for you, sunshine. Pay your student debt, date you. Maybe put a ring on your finger. You just disappeared on me. You broke my heart." He sighed, resting his forehead on yours.

Things weren't supposed to go this way. Lloyd was just your sugar daddy. He treated you like a dumb little thing.

Of course, he did spoil the hell out of you. He was great in bed too. In fact, that's why you stayed so long and came back to him all the damn time.

But two years into this dangerous dance you and him waltzed to were becoming too much. Lloyd would never give you anything more than a few bank checks, Tiffany threats and the best sex a woman could dream of. Other than that, he'd never respect you.

Never let you be your own person, never let you go. So you had to run away.

"Tell me, sunshine..." Caging you with an arm thrown over your shoulder and sliding down his hand under the hem of your dress, reaching to where you needed him more, he asked: "Have I not been giving you enough?"

"You'll never love anyone, Lloyd. Not even your own child." You whispered, heart pacing faster under his sweet gaze. You hated the way he gave you butterflies. You shouldn't want his attention.

But you needed it so bad.

"Baby, you're out of your damn mind if you think I don't absolutely adore you, mon chérie." His mustache tickled the side of your face. "I told you I'd take care of you. Stop being so damn stupid and allow me to do so."

You barely noticed when he pushed your panties to the side, his index finger coating your wetness. You whimpered when he entered you in an embarrassing easy way.

"Lloyd..."

"Tell me you don't need this, and I'll walk away."

You knew him too well to know he was lying. He'd never do that. He was too dark, too deranged, too selfish to do anything that wasn't going to benefit him in the long run.

"Oh!" He curled his finger inside you. The wet sounds coming from your pussy were driving him insane.

"You're always so responsive for me, baby." He purred on your ear. "Makes me so fucking hard."

"Yes! Yes! Just like that, fuck!" You cussed through your teeth, feeling the butterflies pressing into your belly. You screamed and your pussy gushed, soaking Lloyd's hand, giving to him so sweetly that he almost came in his pants. He rode your high to the point of overstimulation, and you desperately pried his grip away from you, breathless.

"You can't leave me, sunshine. I won't let you." He kissed your cheek, licking the salty tears. "I'm going to put a diamond ring on your finger, and you're gonna behave like an obedient little wife. If you do, I can even let you entertain the idea of working."

"Lloyd..." You mumbled, numbed out from pleasure.

"Don't sleep on me yet, baby. You have to take care of me now." He demanded, putting your hand inside his pants.

Then he kissed you. Over and over again.

[theolivebranchreview]

My Love Letter to 2000s Network Television

by @arianna_mitchell

As I sit in my cramped apartment, surrounded by the unbridled chaos of unpaid bills, constantly checking my phone to see if “Julia,” the latest messy situation I’ve gotten myself into, has answered any of my embarrassingly numerous consecutive texts, I find myself yearning for an escape. But rather than confront these absolutely terrifying facts of life head-on, I’ve discovered a foolproof method of avoidance: rewatching my favorite early 2000s TV shows.

In times of stress and uncertainty (how badly would you beat me up if I still called these times “unprecedented”?), there’s something incredibly therapeutic about immersing yourself in the familiar comfort of old TV shows. It’s like slipping into your favorite worn-out sweatshirt that you stole from your ex whose last name you’re not actually sure you remember and feeling instantly at ease. These shows, with their dated fashion trends, now-vintage pop culture references, and occasional sprinkles of racism and misogyny that makes your skill crawl, provide a much-needed escape from the pressures of modern life.

But it’s not just about escapism. Rewatching these early 2000s gems is a form of self-care, a way to reconnect with a simpler time and a more carefree version of ourselves. And dude, if you do it right, it’s so much cheaper than therapy. I mean still go to therapy. But if you play your cards right, you can watch damn near 10,000 hours of television for nearly nothing. I’m still using my roommate’s Disney+ account and I haven’t lived with them for almost two years. But it’s okay because they’re on my Hulu (well actually my parents’ Hulu but you get the idea). As we follow the trials and tribulations of our favorite characters, we find solace in their struggles and triumphs. We’re reminded that, no matter how overwhelming life may seem, we’ve overcome challenges before and will continue to do so.

In a world that often feels chaotic and unpredictable, these shows offer a sense of stability and familiarity. We know every plot twist, every punchline, and every heartfelt moment. I am so tried of surprises, you have no idea. Well of course you do. You’re a human being living in this god awful year 202_. There’s a certain comfort in that predictability, in knowing that, no matter what happens in our own lives, these characters will always be there, frozen in time, ready to welcome us back with open arms. Sure, sometimes they might be poorly written, poorly filmed, and poorly acted, but I’ll be damned if they aren’t the one constant in my life. And let’s be real, sometimes it’s just nice to watch gorgeous people whose lives are even more of a shit show than your own. Sure, I may be drowning in student loan debt that I haven’t paid in seven months (seriously…is the government going to say anything about that or am I like…good?) and questioning every life choice I’ve ever made, but at least I’m not Marissa Cooper, who seems to attract drama like shit attracts paperclips, or whatever the expression is.

So, as I navigate the stresses of being an actual independent human being out in the world– the impending sense of doom that comes with each new political headline that I try to ignore, the constant pressure from every single direction to have it all figured out, and the nagging feeling that everyone else is more successful than me (seriously, do you guys have like 40 hours in the day, what the hell is going on?) – I find solace in the healing power of nostalgia television. And with that, I press play on another episode of Gilmore Girls, ready to lose myself in the fast-talking, coffee-fueled world of Stars Hollow. Because sometimes, the best therapy is the kind that comes with a side of pop culture references and a heaping dose of early 2000s fashion. And did I mention it’s free? (If you steal it)

So here are some recommendations if you’re unsure of what to (re)watch.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Slaying My Real-Life Demons

When the weight of the navigating the post(?)-pandemic dating scene gets to be too much (and let’s be real, it was pretty terrible long before the world broke), I turn to the ultimate demon-slaying hero, Buffy Summers. As I watch her navigate the perils of high school cliques, teenage romance, and the occasional apocalypse, my own problems seem to fade into the background. Sure, I may be casually drowning in capitalist sludge but at least I’m not tasked with saving the world from literal demons and vampires. And can you believe she did it while wearing low-rise jeans? I swear to God if those actually make a comeback, you will be hearing from the lawyer that I definitely have.

There’s something oddly comforting about watching Buffy and her friends face the end of the world on a weekly basis. It puts things into perspective, you know? Like, sure, I may have paid my rent late four months in a row. It’s not because I didn’t have the money, I literally just forgot. Sorry, Jeff, I just don’t think about you that way. But hey, at least I’m not having to sacrifice my love life for the greater good of humanity. And yeah, I went on three tinder dates this month just because I didn’t feel like cooking and wanted a free meal (but I didn’t sleep with them so it’s not sex work and even if it was, there’s not a damn thing wrong with that, you fascist), but at least I’m not having to balance homework with slaying vampires and preventing the apocalypse.

Buffy’s world may be filled with darkness and danger, but there’s a certain comfort in knowing that no matter how bleak things seem, she and her friends will always find a way to save the day. And if Buffy can do it while rocking some seriously questionable ’90s fashion choices (my lawyer is on standby, kids), then surely I can find a way to navigate the challenges of adulthood without completely losing my mind (though I make no promises when it comes to the questionable fashion choices).

Gilmore Girls: A Caffeinated Escape

Picture this: it’s 2 AM, and I’m elbow-deep in a pint of over-priced, freezer burnt Ben & Jerry’s that I bought from the bodega, scrutinizing how I managed to screw up yet another potential relationship. Enter Lorelai and Rory Gilmore, the fast-talking, coffee-chugging duo who make even the most stressful situations seem manageable with their quick wit and obscure references. They are not perfect, they are not always helpful, they are definitely not real, but they are always there to talk me through a difficult situation. As I watch them navigate the ups and downs of life in Stars Hollow, I can’t help but feel a sense of comfort wash over me. Sure, my problems may not involve a love triangle with a diner owner and a coffee shop entrepreneur, but the Gilmores remind me that no matter how much life (or love) throws at you, there’s always room for a good laugh and a cup (or seven) of coffee.

Screw it. Speaking of love, let’s talk about my latest romantic endeavor, shall we? Enter “Julia,” the girl who I’ve been texting on and off for the past three weeks, analyzing every emoji and exclamation point like it’s the goddamn Da Vinci Code. I know, I know, I’m bordering on being about as clingy as Kirk when he’s trying to win over Lulu, but what can I say? I’m a sucker for a girl with big brown eyes who laughs at my jokes and shares my love of obscure ’90s bands (even if she thinks Hootie and the Blowfish is obscure, bless her heart).

But here’s the thing: watching Lorelai and Rory navigate their own romantic ups and downs reminds me that I’m not alone in my struggles. Lorelai may have a thing for emotionally unavailable men (looking at you, Christopher), and Rory may have a habit of falling for guys who are all wrong for her (ahem, Logan), but they never let their relationship drama define them (looking at you, girl avoiding eye contact in the mirror). They pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and move on to the next adventure, whether it’s opening a new inn or running for student body president.

So, when I find myself obsessing over whether or not to double-triple-quadruple-text Julia (because apparently, I’ve regressed to my teenage self), I channel my inner Lorelai and remind myself that there’s more to life than waiting for a text back. I’ve got dreams to chase, coffee to drink, and a whole world of pop culture references to explore. And who knows, maybe one day I’ll find my own Luke Danes, a partner who appreciates my quirks and keeps me grounded (and caffeinated). But until then, I’ve got the Gilmore girls to keep me company, and honestly, I couldn’t ask for better role models.

Where’s My Central Perk?

When the daily grind of life starts to wear me down, and I find myself longing for the simpler times of coffee shop hangouts and rent-controlled apartments, I turn to my old friends from Central Perk. Rachel, Ross, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe have been there for me through thick and thin, offering a much-needed escape from the harsh realities of the modern world.

But as I sit here, alone in my apartment with only my cats as the only real constant in my life, I can’t help but feel a sense of bitterness toward the corporate greed and capitalistic systems that have fostered a generation of lonely, disconnected individuals. The world of Friends, with its tight-knit community and affordable living situations, feels more and more like a distant fantasy with each passing year.

In a society that prioritizes profit over people, the concept of “third spaces” – those beloved hangouts like Central Perk – is becoming increasingly rare. We paved paradise and put up a Santander. Coffee shops and cafes are being replaced by banks, soulless chains, or empty storefronts always promising development, while local bars and restaurants are being priced out by skyrocketing rents. The places where we once gathered to forge connections and build communities are disappearing, leaving us with fewer opportunities to connect with others.

And let’s not forget the ever-increasing cost of living, which has created a generation of transient twenty-somethings, constantly on the move in search of affordable housing and stable job opportunities. How are we supposed to build lasting friendships when we’re always saying goodbye? Frankly, I’ve just stopped trying.

It’s no wonder that so many of us turn to TV shows like Friends for comfort and escapism. In a world where genuine human connection feels increasingly out of reach, we seek solace in the familiar faces and laugh tracks of our favorite sitcoms. We long for the kind of deep, meaningful friendships that the show depicts, even as we recognize how unrealistic they may be.

But here’s the thing: we can’t let the pursuit of profit continue to erode the very things that make us human. We need to fight back against the systems that prioritize money over people, and work to create a world where genuine connection and community are valued above all else.

Maybe that means supporting local businesses and fighting for affordable housing. Maybe it means creating our own “third spaces,” even if they look different from the ones we see on TV. Or maybe it just means reaching out to the people in our lives, and reminding them that they matter to us, no matter how far apart we may be.

Because at the end of the day, that’s what Friends is really about: the power of human connection, and the way it can help us weather even the toughest of times. And in a world that seems hellbent on keeping us apart, that message feels more important than ever.

So here I am, a single woman sitting alone in her apartment, watching TV with her cats. But I know that I’m not really alone, because I have the love and support of the people who matter most to me. I have my friends from college, I have my friends online, I have this little column that I contribute to whenever I feel like so I can at least feel like an old man yelling at a cloud. And that’s something that no amount of corporate greed or capitalistic bullshit can ever take away.

Conclusion

As I sit here, surrounded by the comforting glow of my laptop screen, I can’t help but feel a sense of gratitude for the early 2000s TV shows that have been my constant companions through the ups and downs of adulthood. In a world that often feels cold, unforgiving, and increasingly isolated, these nostalgic gems have provided me with a much-needed escape and a reminder of the power of human connection.

From the demon-slaying heroics of Buffy to the quick-witted banter of the Gilmore Girls, these shows have taught me valuable lessons about perseverance, friendship, and the importance of chasing your dreams. They’ve been there for me through breakups, job losses, and countless other challenges, offering a comforting sense of familiarity and a reminder that I’m not alone in my struggles.

But more than that, these shows have served as a catalyst for self-reflection and growth. They’ve inspired me to be braver, kinder, and more authentic in my own life, even when the world around me seems to be crumbling. They’ve reminded me that it’s okay to make mistakes, to be vulnerable, and to lean on the people who matter most.

So, to all the early 2000s TV shows that have been my rock through the turbulent waters of adulthood, I say thank you. Thank you for the laughter, the tears, and the countless hours of comfort and companionship. Thank you for reminding me that, no matter how bleak things may seem, there’s always hope to be found in the power of storytelling and human connection.

And to all my fellow twenty-somethings out there, navigating the challenges of adulthood in an increasingly uncertain world, I say this: keep holding on to the things that bring you joy, the things that remind you of who you are and what you stand for. Whether it’s a beloved TV show, a cherished friendship, or a secret dream that keeps you going, hold onto it with all your might. Because in the end, it’s those things – the things that make us feel seen, heard, and understood – that will carry us through even the darkest of times.

So go ahead, press play on that next episode of Buffy or Gilmore Girls. Let yourself get lost in the familiar comfort of Stars Hollow or Sunnydale. And remember, no matter how lost or alone you may feel, you’ve got a whole gang of early 2000s TV friends waiting to welcome you back with open arms (and maybe even a few outdated pop culture references). Trust me, it’s the best therapy money can’t buy.

[punisheddonjuan]

Hey, I just want to throw this out there, but if you ever find something I wrote exceptionally useful or informative, whether it's the rundown the best Firefox add-ons I just put out, my exhaustive tutorial on setting up an Ubuntu based personal media server, or that little guide on how to get started with piracy on Usenet, and you're feeling especially gracious, feel free to throw me a buck or two via the tipping mechanism. I'm not starving, in danger of losing housing, or drowning under a mountain of student debt (that's paid off). On the other hand I'm not able to work and I wouldn't mind paying off my credit card, and it would make me feel marginally less guilty over having to rely entirely on familial support. Again, I'm absolutely not a priority case over here, and there's no expectation on you guys. The reason I write and post is equal measures love of the game and it being the only real way to communicate with anyone who isn't physically in my bedroom. So, I'm not in it for any kind of cash reward, but hey, ten bucks is ten bucks.

[bunni-v1]

Sfw list with ace? Thankyou

🍓I got some free time FINALLY!!! I'm still incredibly busy and my plate is so full, but I can write something in my inbox! I'm so tired guys, you have no idea, but I'm pushing through as best as I can. Wish me luck please ;-;

A - Affection: Ace is not an affectionate guy, at least, not in the traditional sense. He's not gonna be caught hanging all over you, kissing you every five minutes, or absolutely begging for your attention. No, he's like violent. Not like, beating you up violent, but punching your shoulder or giving you a noogie violent. It looks like he's bullying you, but that's just how he shows he cares dw.

B - Best friend: He's such a dick I hate him. Ace is an asshole, and he knows that and is proud of it. He's gonna be mean to you and pick on you and all that fun shit. You can pick on him and be mean to him in return. He's got your back, you've got his. It's all equivalent exchange with him. However, he will defend you till his dying breath. If someone else is being mean to you, he's not gonna have it. He's a bros bro, a homie, and an irreplaceable best friend.

C - Cuddles: Contrary to what I said earlier, he does like cuddles! He's not cold-hearted, and he does enjoy being a boyfriend. He's not always wanting to cuddle, but he enjoys them whenever he's in the mood. He has to be the big spoon, though, that's his only rule. (He secretly likes the idea that he can protect you no matter if you're bigger than him or not).

D - Domestic: Settling down isn't something Ace really thinks about too hard. If he had to give an answer, yeah probably would be it. He's a college student, he's not even in his twenties yet, so thinking about settling down isn't exactly something on his to-do list just yet. On another note, when he does settle down he's pretty good at doing chores and balancing out work and home life. You're never going to feel like you have to do too much at home compared to him, but you will have to hear him complain about it while he does it.

E - Ending: Ace is probably the nicest out of everyone? Weird, I know right, but he's not as heartless as people think. If he falls out of love with you, he's just gonna be upfront about it. He's not gonna make it all about what you did wrong or what he did wrong, he's just gonna be honest. You'll likely end things on good terms and go back to being best friends shortly after.

F - Fiance(e): It's not that Ace is afraid of commitment, it's just not something he actively thinks about. That isn't to say he's not committed, he is! He's not in a relationship with you just to waste it on a one-night stand, he just won't want to think about marriage until both of you are at a more stable point in life. Like, you know, not drowning in student loan debt. He definitely brings it up after two years of being together, because he likes the idea of marriage, just not yet.

G - Gentle: He is not, as I've already mentioned, gentle. His form of affection is physical and rough, and his words will always be sharp and pointed, but he knows when to reel it in and stop. If he is actually pissing you off he stops and apologizes. Yeah, he pouts and is grumpy, but he's not going to keep harassing you.

H - Hugs: Again, he likes hugs a lot. He won't admit it, but they're probably his favorite form of affection. He's a good hugger too. He's got the big brother-type hugs, you know the all-encompassing warm ones that you. just can't get enough of.

I - I love you: It takes him a while. He just doesn't think about the fact that he needs to say it at some point. It'll come naturally when it comes, that's Ace's philosophy on it. When he doesn't finally say it, it's in such a casual setting neither of you even realize what he said.

J - Jealousy: Ace does get jealous, and it's over the most stupid shit too. He doesn't feel threatened by anyone, because why would you be with him if you weren't willing to be loyal. Nah, he gets jealous of Grim and Deuce. He wants to be the center of your attention specifically when those two are around, and he rarely gets his way so he just sits there and pouts until you give him what he wants. (He pouts for a long ass time).

K - Kisses: Kisses fluster him so bad it's so funny. He doesn't know why they make him so hot in the face, but they do and it's incredibly funny. If he had to pick a favorite place to kiss/be kissed, he'd probably say cheek kisses. Only because they're the only type that doesn't make him feel like his head is about to explode.

L - Little ones: Ace is unsurprisingly not a big fan of kids. He's not good with them, and he himself is a giant toddler so can you blame him. He's like a textbook case younger sibling, and it shows the most when he's around little kids. He doesn't know how to act appropriately, unfortunately, that makes the kids think he's super cool and cling to him.

M - Morning: If you don't get out of bed first, neither of you are getting up. If he has an eight am, you're gonna have to be the one to get him up or else he won't go. He's not a morning person, and he spends most of the morning wobbling around groggy and grumbling about how tired he is.

N - Night: Ace is also a night owl, and he really likes to stay up late doing random shit. A lot of the time both of you take a train somewhere and just wander around and talk. In other cases, you stay up late playing video games together (sometimes Deuce joins). Late nights are when you and Ace have most of your deep talks together, and you really get to see who he is underneath all those layers at night.

O - Open: It takes him a minute to start opening up to you. It's not like he has some dramatic backstory or anything, it's just another case that he doesn't think too hard about it and therefore doesn't open up until it feels right. It's during one of the late-night sessions where you're wandering around the empty streets where he just tells you a ton about him.

P - Patience: With Ace, it's a toss-up. I don't even know if you could describe what he's feeling as anger, but it's somewhere along those lines. He's constantly just irked at something, whether it's something someone said or his own responsibilities, he's got an underlying annoyance. To say it ever goes so far as anger would be stretching, and I doubt it's ever directed at you. I guess I would say he's easy to rile up but hard to actually piss off.

Q - Quizzes: Ace remembers most of the important stuff that he needs to. He knows your birthday, the important anniversaries, and your favorites and all that. However, sometimes he just forgets. You can chew him out for it because even he knows he deserves it, but it's not like he was trying to. He just blanked. He makes up for it tenfold though, grumbling the whole time.

R - Remember: Going back to the "I Love You" bullet, that has to be his favorite memory. The two of you were chilling on the couch in ramshackle, playing some game or another (he can't remember the name of it, it wasn't that fun, but you made it a blast). You'd kicked his ass in a level, and instead of pouting he was laughing and having such a good time. And he just let it slip. "I love you." Without missing a beat you said it back, smile just as wide as his.

S - Security: Ace is fully aware that you can handle your own, therefore, he doesn't really step in unless you ask him to. It's a way he shows his respect for you and your relationship. The one time he'll go above that though is if someone is insulting you and you aren't around to defend yourself. He puts that person back in their place so fast he breaks the sound barrier. He expects the same from you, of course. Equivalent exchange and such.

T - Try: At the very start, he's not doing a whole lot. It's not like he doesn't care, it's just that he's a broke college student and he wants some lighthearted fun. Once you start getting serious he puts more effort into things. It's still not extravagant dates, but things you'd expect from him. Movies, arcades, amusement parks, etc. Fun stuff, but things that you can enjoy mutually!

U - Ugly: He doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut. He'll make a nasty comment to you that'll hurt your feelings and then realize that what he said was uncool. He speaks before he thinks in a lot of cases, and it causes a whole boatload of issues for the two of you. He'll cut it eventually, it just takes a whole lot of work.

V - Vanity: He doesn't really care all that much about looks, on both himself and you. Sure, he thinks you're the most attractive person in the world, but that's not what matters to him. He isn't that shallow. He takes good care of himself, but he's not doing insane skincare routines like Vil is.

W - Whole: He wouldn't feel incomplete without you. In his mind, the two of you are separate but equal. You are just as important to him as he is to himself, but you are not the same. He misses you when you're gone, but he can function without you by his side 24/7.

X - Xtra: Ace has wanted to grow out his hair since he was in middle school. The only issue is, he has no idea what he'd do with it. He's not great at styling hair, and honestly, he doubts his would be easy to work with due to how thick and coarse it is. He gave up on the idea in high school. After meeting Jamil though he's been thinking about it a lot and asking him a lot about hair care.

Y - Yuck: Sensitivity. To an extent, he understands getting upset over things because emotions are uncontrollable and human. If you can't take his teasing or his jokes, though, it's such a turn-off for him. His love language is teasing (mutually), so he couldn't be with someone who can't take that.

Z - Zzz: He will go to sleep in one position and then wake up in another. Sleeping with his head on the pillow, he'll somehow wake up completely turned around. He's woken up on the floor, hanging off his bed, in DEUCES bed. It's so odd and no one knows how he does it cause he's so quiet while he sleeps.

[whataperfectwasteoftime]

Okay but Marcus’s praise kink?

Two miles long. He loves calling you his “good girl” but if you turn the tables and call him your “good boy”? Man might just spontaneously combust.

You're 100% right. The thing about Marcus Pike is that he's used to being the one in charge. He's used to making the first move, planning all the dates, and being the dominant one in bed.

(18+, smut under the cut) (also this got angsty oops)

And that's not to say he doesn't like it--he loves taking care of you. He loves to completely take you apart and then praise you for how well you break for him. He loves to whisper little sweet nothings in your ear when he gently slides into you, side by side. He loves surprising you with flowers "just because" and holding your chair out for you at dinner and making you breakfast in the morning. He's just Like That.

But somewhere along the line, his brain internalized the lesson that he's only worth what he gives to other people. Either from having a difficult child where he was forced the be the adult (I hc that he was the oldest child in a very large family and spent a lot of his childhood helping his overworked parents take care of the younger kids) or through a series of unhealthy relationships. But of course, the more Marcus gives over the years, the more people took.

Whether it was his ex-wife, who took advantage of his sense of chivalry and duty and got married too quickly after college even though he knew it wasn't a good match. She was drowning in student debt and he could help her, dammit.

Or maybe it was Teresa, who, unknowingly or not, used him to get to Patrick Jane. I don't think she did it intentionally--I think she was just interested in throwing herself into "the next best thing" as quickly as possible to distract her from her feelings. I think she did, at one point, want it to work. When he felt her slipping from him--the move, the job, the obvious tension between her and her partner--he gave more. And more, and more, and more. It's clear to me that Marcus thought the more he gave her, the more likely it was that she'd stay with him. So he gave. And Teresa took.

Marcus is used to giving.

So when he meets you, and you praise him for all that he gives you--before giving everything right back, he isn't sure what to do with himself.

He surprises you with flowers at work.

You manage to sneak Nationals tickets into his desk drawer.

He always runs around to the passenger side of his car to open the door for you.

You always text him "Good morning <3", without fail, every day.

He rasps praises above you while buried deep inside, the headboard shaking with how hard he's fucking you from behind, calling you his good girl for taking it so well, for being so responsive, for being so loud, for getting his cock so fucking wet when you cum.

But when you, in between your broken moans and choked cries as he hits that spot deep inside you that drives you wild, start to murmur back, barely aware of what you're saying, he's.... shocked.

"Marcus, f-fuck, you--you always feel so good like this. You fuck me so good, always take--hnng--such good care of m-me. It's so fucking good, Marcus."

He... his pace falters. You've never known him to falter when he's lost in you like this; he keeps his pace with ruthless precision.

"Say... say it again. Please." The words are barely audible, as if he's ashamed to ask.

"You're so good," you whisper. "You're so good to me. Your cock feels so good, everything feels good with you. You're fucking perfect, Marcus."

He suddenly falls, landing roughly on his elbows; his ragged breath is suddenly in your ear and his body cages you to the bed and he fucks harder.

Oh.

"G-Good," you pant, although with his weight pressing down on you, your voice is strangled with the effort of getting the word out. "You're so good, baby. You are." You reach behind you to card your hand through the hair on the back of his neck, eliciting a soft, broken sound from the man.

Your voice softens, contrasting heavily with the loud slap of your bodies as they collide.

"You can let go," you whisper softly, tenderly. "Good boy."

It ends him.

With a groan--that sounds ever so slightly like a sob--Marcus buries his head in the crook of your neck and cums with his entire body. You feel as though you move several inches up the bed as his hips roll and his back convulses with pleasure.

"T-Tell me... meant it," Marcus slurs into your skin as the two of you catch your breath.

You awkwardly turn underneath him, ignoring the soft noise of protest when he slips from your heat in the process. Looking up at him with soft eyes, you say it again.

"You are," you assure him. "So good. My good boy."

Marcus's disbelieving expression melts into a bright, warm smile. He kisses you once on the lips, then starts to trail his way down your body.

"Where are you going?" you ask, giggling.

He fixes you with a mischievous look. "Gonna show you just how good I can be."

[sehtoast]

Yearning (Homelander x OC)

18+ | 4.5k, yearning, slow-ish burn, spidersona oc, conqueror!au homelander, description of a corpse, pre-relationship pining, shared shower, first kiss, mild-ish smut, thigh riding, web-hole oral, finger sucking, 'i love you's, hurt/comfort | Fic Directory

gif by @blindmagdalena

He is the one who makes Homelander want to change everything. He is the one who brings warmth to these cold ruins, who smiles sunshine over this ashen world. He, who captured the heart of the god of death and destruction, is life and rejuvenation. 

He is kindness. Light. Peace.

He is the god of love, and he is everything to the god of death. 

He is the calming stillness that greets bloodied, shaking hands. He is the balm that soothes the ache, the water that quenches the agonizing thirst. He is the hand that pulls souls from the rubble of fury and pain and breathes relief into their lungs. 

He is simply Benjamin, and Homelander has no idea how he ever survived without him. 

Who would he be if those eyes hadn't cried on him the first time he delivered death in their presence? Who would he be without the hand that holds his while he judges the unworthy? How many lives have been spared simply because Benjamin was in the room? 

Too many. Far, far too many. God has softened his grip on his kingdom. 

And yet, they've not even shared their first kiss. Since his adventure in the other world, Homelander has always known they were destined to be together. They were a force transcending their own universe. He just had to wait. 

And wait. 

And wait. 

He had to show Benjamin that there was something inside of him worth loving. That he was more than a reaper, more than pain. 

There was love inside, buried so very deep– but it was there. 

It is there. 

He demands only the best for his Benjamin.  The best food, the best drinks, the best clothing and bedsheets.  He even has his own room in the tower.  A new, special super suit tailored to compliment his own.  The boy didn’t understand at first.  Why in the world would he lavish such things upon his assistant?  

Because he was more than that, obviously.  He was more than a footstool, more than a blood bag, more than meat meant to do his bidding.  Benjamin had heard the rumors surrounding the comings and goings of those who came before him, but the position paid exceptionally well and he was drowning in a world of financial misery.  He was prepared to be a doormat for the rest of his days just to get by, but he was surprised one day to find his debts wiped away.  Student loans settled, transition related surgeries paid off– his fucking credit score at a perfect 850 all within one week’s time of starting his new job.

When he expressed his glee about such an odd and godsent occurrence, Homelander simply winked at him.

By all means, he could quit this daunting job and focus on his heroics, but something stops him.  Not the material things, not the gifts or the rush of power when he realizes that the god of this world has chosen him as his favorite– no, none of that.

It’s when that god looks at him with big, doe-like eyes that he feels something telling him to stick around.  The first time Homelander ever took his hand, Ben knew something in that man needed him.  Maybe it was the tremble in his touch, or the overwhelmingly sad look in his eyes, but Ben decided to stay for Homelander.

Every day, they grew closer.  Every day, Benjamin chipped away at an exterior made of steel, revealing bits and pieces of a scared, lonely, pained man underneath.  God may rule his kingdom, but he is alone.  

Well, he was alone.

He’s not anymore.  When it all hurts too much, he knows where to go.  He doesn’t have to turn a town into a crater or eviscerate a gaggle of non-believers; he can go to Benjamin.  He can float down to that window and find a warm heart that will shield him from the pain.  He’ll find a shoulder to lay his head on and a hand to hold.

The next day, he’ll realize he’d miraculously fallen asleep, and the boy did everything possible to make him comfortable. Removed his boots, detached his eagle epaulets, tucked a blanket around him.  Then, beside him on the floor, he’ll peer down and find Benjamin sleeping peacefully.

He’ll feel something akin to pain tugging at his heart, but it’s more than that.  It’s so much more.

He’ll wake the boy with a thumb stroking at his cheek and a smile fit to melt glaciers. 

“Wake up, little spider…”

 He feels privileged to lay beside him in any capacity, though he wishes his lovely Benjamin hadn’t slept on the floor.  Homelander realizes that he wants to see those beautiful brown eyes flutter open every morning for the rest of his life.

Sometimes they would run around the city together.  Ben would swing while he followed closely behind.  They would make it a game of chase, or sometimes just a simple race.  They liked to hang out on top of the Queensboro Bridge, on the tower overlooking the decimated ruins of Rikers.  Mostly, though, they enjoyed the perches of the Chrysler Building at night time.  Sometimes they talked about everything.  Other times, they just enjoyed the silence and each other.

Regardless of location, Benjamin would hold his hand.  He never mentions the tremble, never laughs at how nervous it all makes him.  Instead, he asks–

“Are you cold?”

He snorts a laugh.  He’s full of padding and has enough V pumping hot through his veins to kill most supes.  Is he cold?  

What a beautiful thing to be asked.

“Are you?” He counters.  He’s thrilled when the bug nods.  Thrilled to pull him closer, arm around his shoulder, eyes cooking up a faint glow. 

“Trust me?”  He asks.  

Benjamin looks at him with raised brows, clearly a little nervous at the idea.  

“I– Yeah.  Yeah, I trust you.”

He has the bug tilt his head back and he flickers the weakest beam of heat he’s ever conjured over various parts of his body. The moan of contentment sends a shiver down his spine and it took a titanic level of self control not to focus that beam of heat right between his legs.  It’s the first time he’s ever used his powers for something so… gentle.

 Ben ends up in his lap before long.  He’s thankful for the cup in his suit. 

He wakes the next day in Benjamin’s room.

In his bed.

Beside him.

Clad in only his briefs, he slides a leg through their shared warmth beneath the blankets until he can hook it around one of Ben’s.  They did nothing more than sleep beside each other, but it’s the most intimate feeling in the world to him.

He’s never slept better before in his entire life.

A lopsided grin spreads across his face and he snuggles up close to his little spider.  An arm around his waist confirms he, too, is only in his underwear.  He dances a thumb in circles over a hipbone.  It’s the most he dares to do.  

Ben is a heavy sleeper and a late riser.  Even the sun blasting through the curtains isn’t enough to rouse him.

He dozes off once more.

There comes a day when he finally snaps.  Some nuisance in the staffing department combined with too many unwanted, painful flashbacks in one day, and it leads to a bloody mess painting an office.

He wants to eviscerate whoever called Benjamin in to fucking handle it.  

He’d lingered too long, remained at the scene– but what other choice did he have?  Run the risk of his little spider seeing him like this?

As fate would have it, neither choice would spare him the shame.

Benjamin walks in and his eyes go wide.  Homelander swears he sees fear, horror, disappointment, disgust– everything he’s never wanted to see reflected in those precious brown eyes.

He tries to speak, reach out a hand, anything– but he doesn’t want to scare him.

The body on the floor is torn in two.  The head of it is a pulpy pile of muck just mere feet away.

What were they thinking, sending Benjamin in here?  Worse yet, what is he thinking when he takes a step inside?  There’s blood everywhere.  It stains the white soles of his shoes the second he comes closer.

And closer.

Closer.

Homelander steps back with each of Ben’s movements.  His chest heaves with frantic breaths.

It’s not supposed to be like this!  He’s good!  He’s good, he’s good, he’s good– he’s not bad!  He’s– He’s tried so fucking hard to be good!

His back presses against a bookshelf.  He can feel the heat radiating from his own eyes and it must feel so hot as Ben comes even closer.

“It’s okay,” he reassures.  “It’s just us.  It’ll be alright, Johnny.”

Johnny. 

Oh, how he loves that name.  Loves to hear it, loves to be called it, loves to know he’s still worth being called something so wonderful.

When his little spider slips his stained gloves off and grasps his bare hands, he crumbles.  It’s the first time he’s ever cried in front of him.

“Please don’t hate me…”

He even falls to his fucking knees.  It’s so much worse when Ben follows him down.

He hides his face against Ben’s neck.  He remembers the day he dematerialized in the other world.  How the Benjamin there hugged him through the panic, through the fear.  Told him what he needed to hear.

Just like his Ben is doing now.

“I could never hate you.”

He hates himself for crying harder.

There is no lecture for what he’s done.  There’s tears– his own and Ben’s– but the bug doesn’t torture him with talk of why he was wrong, why he shouldn’t have done it, nothing.

Ben leads him out into the hallway.  Has Homelander keep his eyes locked on him as they make their way to the elevator.  They ascend higher and higher.  Ben keeps his hand pressed to the back of Homelander’s neck.  Comforting and grounding.  The fingers that dance through the bloody, sticky nape of his neck are even more so.

It’s not the penthouse that Benjamin brings him to, but rather his own apartment.

“Let’s get you out of that, okay?” 

His pride goes up in flames when Ben sees his body for the first time.  

His totally unsculpted, normal body.  A far shot from what the suit makes him look like.

But the bug doesn’t say anything about it.  Doesn't make any faces. Just collects the soiled material and tosses it into a laundry basket.

Homelander sits nearly naked and vulnerable on the seat of the toilet.

Ben turns the shower on and offers him privacy, but he’s so quick to snag him by the wrist and wordlessly beg him to stay.

There’s still a light tremble in Ben’s hand.  He hates himself for causing it.

“How do you wanna do this?”  Ben asks him. 

He chews his lower lip and casts his gaze down to the floor.  Curse him and all of his stupid fucking inhibitions; he always goes quiet when the bad things happen.

“Do you want me to just sit in here?”  Ben gives him a moment to nod.  

He doesn’t. 

 “Do you want me to– I mean, I can get in and help if that’s what you need.”

He gives the weakest confirmation.

“Please…” 

Homelander has peeked under Ben’s clothes countless times– seen him naked and writhing in the other world– but the sight of him so close is… He’s breathtaking.  Homelander’s praying he doesn’t end up hard from the sight of him stripped down to his underwear.  

Benjamin offers for him to keep his briefs on, but he takes them off before stepping in.  Might as well.

The bug keeps his underwear on, but little is left to the imagination when the water soaks the fabric.  Homelander shuts his eyes to keep himself under control.

His mind runs with the image anyway.  With the touches to his bloodied face and neck, the scratches to his scalp.

Benjamin washes him with such care.  He tries to return the favor and he’s so damn clumsy about it that he’d kick his own ass if he could.

Just the same as the bug did for him, he lathers a soft cleanser over his face and neck.  Rubs it in little circles, thumbs it over his cheekbones, into his brows and onto his forehead.  Ben’s eyes are closed.

He still trusts him even after what he saw.

Washing his hair is a joy in and of itself.  Sudsing up those brown locks, combing through them with his fingers, shaping them into weird styles.  The giggle from his little spider brought the first smile to his face since Ben had found him.

He cleans Ben’s hands of dried blood, too.  Even tries his best to get it all out from underneath his nails.  Benjamin doesn’t deserve to be stained with his sins.  The god of death should never tarnish the god of love.

The god of death should never tarnish the god of love.

And yet, he’s leaning in anyway.  Some flicker of confidence, some bubble of courage to do it– but he can’t.

He can’t ruin this sweet boy with his love.

He rests their foreheads together instead.  Shuts his eyes and lets the water flow over them.  It won’t run cold– Vought Tower has tons of hot water– but they stay there long enough that it should’ve.

Ben dries him.  Dresses him in his own clothes.  They’re so soft… They smell so nice– like him.  The shirt is a little tight, but he doesn’t mind.  Not when it’s Ben’s.  

They lay on the bed together.  Neither says a word.  Neither needs to.

Ben ends up ordering food from the staff chefs.

“You gotta eat something, pumpkin.”  He tells him.

Pumpkin.

That’s what the other Ben always called his Homelander.

“Here,”  the bug holds up a fork wound tight with pasta.  Somehow it looks more appetizing than the identical bowl Homelander had been reluctantly poking at.  Probably had more to do with the person offering it than anything else.  “It won’t bite.  Promise. That's your job.”

He leans in and takes the bite with downcast eyes.  

“Attaboy!”

But that… That makes his eyes go wide and his cheeks flush.  Maybe he should eat his food after all.  

Their conversations lead into an explanation of what happened earlier.  He tells it as simply as he can.

He got overwhelmed.  A bad, bad day.  A horrible day.  And then some fucking meeting happened and he saw red when the employee made an offhand, snarky comment.

Ben nods along until the end.  He doesn’t interrupt Homelander.  Doesn’t critique or shun him.  He just listens.

Nobody’s ever done that before.  Nobody but him.  Madelyn would have put her foot up his ass in some form or another.  Same with Maeve.  Stan would’ve torn him down bit by bit.  Vogelbaum would’ve ordered corrective measures…

Ben just listens.

“Next time,” his little spider takes his hand.  “Just find me instead.”

What?

“We can handle it together, y’know?”

He doesn’t know what to do with that at all.

A week later, he's lounging in Benjamin's room while the web-head practices playing his guitar. He's never been one for music, but Ben's playing is incredibly soothing. 

“Any words to that one?” He asks out of the blue. 

“Yeah, but I can't sing for shit.” Ben hums a laugh. 

“Doubt that,” Homelander sighs. “You're you. You can do anything.”

Ben looks at him with a bashful grin, but Homelander's eyes are shut and he doesn't see. 

“Alright, you asked for it.” He strums a slow chord progression.

“I thought that I had everybody by my side.” 

“Then I went and blew it, all sky high.” 

“And now she won't even spare a passing glance.”

Homelander peeked over in excited anticipation. 

“All because I… RIPPED MY PANTS!” 

Ben breaks out into giggles over a joke Homelander's certainly not in on, but strums away nonetheless. He doesn't sing along, but his laughter was music enough. 

“I don't get it,” he deadpans when the playing stops. 

“Ehh, after your time.” Ben winks. “Not that you're old or anything. It's from SpongeBob. It's funny, trust me.” 

“Christ.” John groans. “If you say so.”

Ben sets the instrument down with a wide smile on his face and plops onto the bed by Homelander. 

“Cute when you're confused.” Ben says casually, but his eyes widen and his cheeks flush the second he realizes what he said. “S-Sorry, I mean–” 

“Oh, really?” Homelander props himself on his elbow to look directly at his little spider. His grin cuts from ear to ear, thrilled beyond measure at such a slip up. “What's cute about me, huh?” 

Ben shakes his head and giggles bashfully. “It's– I meant–” 

“Ben, Ben, Benny, Ben, Ben,” he sing-songs. “C'monnnnn, make me feel as cute as you say I am!”

Benjamin's blush grows deeper, turning his cheeks a beautiful crimson. 

“I dunno, you just– you get a cute little half smile but you hide it quickly. But it’s always so genuine and I just think it’s cute.”

“Mmm, tell me more.” He teases.  Truth is, he fucking loves hearing this from Ben.  Cute is a good thing.  He’d rather hear sexy or handsome, of course, but this is still a fucking amazing sign.  And that blush?  Now that was cute.  “When else am I cute?”

He cages Ben on the bed with his arm when the bug tries to wiggle free.  He grins at the bubbly laughter from his little spider.  Homelander could hold him in place like this all day and never tire.  He’d have to fess up.  

“C’mon, Benjamin!  Earn your freedom.”

“I– Johnny!”  He whines.  “Fiiiiine.”  Ben stills himself with a deep breath.  He tries to ignore how close they are.  “You just are, y’know?  You have cute eyes and a cute nose.  Your hair is really nice and you have a pretty smile– when you’re smiling for real.”

“Oh, you flatter me!” Homelander lilts.  There’s a part of him– same as the day Benjamin cleaned him of blood– that feels guilty for what he’s pushing for, but he can’t stop.  He’s practically hovering over Ben at this point.  Faces mere inches apart.

He could kiss him right now and–

The bug’s phone goes off loudly in his pocket.  Normally it’s muted, but…

“Sorry, I gotta–  I was expecting this.  Sorry.”

Homelander leans back and gives him space to answer.  From the sound of it, it’s that nephew of his asking for advice for something that could’ve fucking waited until literally any other time.

He rolls onto his back and huffs in disappointment.  Homelander listens loosely to the conversation.  Homework help.

He has half a mind to ban homework.

Maybe he made too loud of a sound, because Ben reaches back and ruffles his hair and shoots him an apologetic smile.

Seems like every time he thinks they might finally seal everything with a kiss, something stupid happens.  It’s like fate, no matter how clear it seems that they should be together, demanded that they wait.  If it’s not interruptions, it’s his inhibitions.  A fear that one wrong move would undo months of… god, could he even call this work?

Some time passes, with Ben droning on about some weird literary rule, and then it’s silent.

“Sorry,” Ben tells him once again. “Kid took an honors class but he’s kind of terrible at the subject.”

He knew a little about Ben’s family.  Not much, but enough.

“No, that’s– you’re fine.”  He sputters.  God, did he act too mad about it? 

“Thanks, but still.  Now, where was I?”  Ben huffs a laugh and assumes the same position as before, only this time he’s the one leaning over Homelander.  Not as close as before, but it’s…

The fact he went back for it drives Homelander mad.

“Cute things, cute things…” he muses as he scans Homelander's face.  “Here,” he taps his index finger to Homelander’s upper lip, tracing over the length of it.  “The right side flares up just a liiiittle bit more than the left.  That’s cute, t–”

Oh, fuck– fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

He did it without even thinking.  Without a fucking second of hesitation, no– god, no he shouldn’t have.  But it was right fucking there and his body just did it.

He’d taken the tip of Ben’s finger in his mouth.  Laved his tongue over it and suckled firm just once before realizing what he’d done.

His lips are locked tight against Ben’s knuckle, but he dares not move an inch.

“That’s… huh.”  

At least he doesn’t sound mad.

“Is this your way of showing off to me?”

And that sounded like a fucking flirt.

Does that mean… does that mean he should keep it in there?  Does that mean it’s okay?  His eyes flutter open just the tiniest bit to find a warm, fascinated smile.  

He tastes so good.  So, so fucking good.  Every taste of stolen underwear in the world paled in comparison to him here, now, like this.  There’s something about his… his skin.  The taste of it.  The scent.  The slightest flare of his nostrils and he picks up something… something amazing.

He grasps Ben’s wrist and his thumb rolls over that spinneret and he knows exactly what that scent is, that taste…

There’s fucking pheromone glands in there.

Among other things, as indicated by Ben's reaction… 

He realizes it's a fucking erogenous zone, too.

“O-Oh,” the web-head gasps.  His mouth is agape with heavy breaths, his eyes are dilating.  All that from one touch of Homelander’s thumb.  “Y-You– Ah!”

He has every opportunity to pull away, to rip that finger from Homelander’s mouth and jump right off the bed.  Hell, he could even cling to the ceiling for distance– but he doesn’t.

Homelander sucks his finger in just a little deeper, presses the pad of his thumb just a little harder.  Ben’s noises make him harden in his suit.

Their eyes lock and he knows.

Over the intense pheromone release of the spinneret, he can smell it.  Benjamin is wet– no. 

He's fucking drenched. 

Homelander can practically hear each little throb of his pussy, each near-silent squelch of slick between his ravenous walls.

“Johnny…”

The way Ben whispers his name with such a shaky breath sends a jolt right between his legs.  He wants to return the feeling tenfold.  Wants to see Ben feel just as fucking good as his mere presence makes him feel.

He slips the finger free and pulls Ben’s spinneret flush to his lips.  He pecks sweet little kisses at the edge of it, watching the smaller openings flare around the larger slit.  His arm has found its way around Ben’s waist to keep him close– a nice little way to realize his hips have started to grind against the bed.  He shuffles Ben’s body just enough to wedge a thigh between his legs.

“O-oh my god…”  Ben’s face falls to hide against his neck and Homelander's pleased as can be at the pitchy moan sung in his ear at the first swipe of his tongue.  “That’s– k-keep going…”

He tastes so, so fucking good.

It should be a crime for something so sweet to have been kept from him.

Homelander’s hips raise to meet the minuscule press of his cup and, in doing so, he pushes his thigh against Ben’s heat.

Ben keens weakly and starts to grind against him.  The bug’s fingers seek to stroke his cheek, stuttering with every swipe, every dip of that tongue into that sweet little opening.

It’s everything– everything Homelander needs to get closer to his own release.  Not even a touch to his cock, just the knowledge, the fucking feeling of Ben getting off on him.

Because of him.

The god of death has tainted the god of love.

He gasps sharply against Ben’s wrist.  Lips have pressed to the exposed part of his neck and he’s out of his fucking mind.

Ben is kissing him.

Benjamin is fucking kissing him.

His tongue juts out and he wriggles the tip deeper into that delicious slit.  He rocks his leg up against Ben, squeezes around his waist, helps direct him to ride it out.

Drool trails down his chin, but he can’t possibly care about that.  Why in the world would he ever focus on himself when his little spider was right there?

Is this what the fates wanted?  That he should have such an enrapturing taste before their lips could meet for the first time?  Were they meant to fall into one another before such a simple act?

But he could change this!�� He could.

 He could and he fucking should.

If he could stop being so fucking selfish and demanding more and more of that sugary sweet flavor, he could break away and kiss his little spider for the first time.  He could lock lips with him, savor the most simple act of love, if he could just–

The taste is torn from his mouth, leaving behind only tiny wisps of webbing.

A hand tangles in his hair and Ben’s forehead presses to his.

That hand he’s been suckling on falls to cup him through the suit and he sees stars.  His breath catches, his eyes roll back, he’s so close, he–

“Be–”

The press of softness and warmth cuts him off.  Moving against him, breaths panting between pecks, Ben kisses him with a tenderness unlike anything he’s ever known.  He’s mewling and it’s downright pitiful, but he feels everything.

He cries out open mouthed against his little spider when his orgasm hits.  His cock weeps in the confines of his suit, relieved only by the press of the hand between his legs.  Ben pants against him until a shaky moan rips from him to signal his own undoing.  Each thrusts against the other, clinging, grasping, needing.

“Johnny– oh god!” 

Homelander’s too far gone to do more than moan through his gaping mouth.  He’s ascended from hell to heaven.  

This is…

He feels so…

So warm.  So peaceful.

Where is the shame?  Where is the anticipation of being told to go?  Why hasn’t Ben rolled off of him yet?

Is this how it was always meant to feel?

Like basking in the sun, floating above the clouds, but… so much better.  He, who has graced what humanity’s ancestors believed to be the heavens, knows no height above this world could feel like this.

No solar glow nor moonlight breeze could tingle the way Benjamin’s peppered kisses do.  No sound more melodious than that huff of joyful laughter.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

And nothing in the world more powerful than those seven little words.

It takes a concentrated effort to reply through the torrent of emotion he feels.  The words come out shaky and tearful, but they come out all the same.

He’s safe enough to say it.

He can let those words fly free without fear.

“I know I’m in love with you.”

The kiss that follows is even better than the first.

[crimsonsongbird]

I'm sorry I keep posting bad news, but nothing in my life is really going right at the moment.

Asking for help feels like failing because that is how I was raised. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" sort of mentality. "Grin and bear it." I genuinely feel like I am failing at adulthood. No matter how responsible I act by budgeting, cutting things out, shopping smart, and planning, I always fail in the end. Unexpected expenses keep popping up. Medical expenses. Vehicle expenses. I cannot catch a fucking financial break. I just want to not be drowning in debt. Up to 4k of medical debt now. My car needs $900 in repairs. I owe 12k in student loans.

Please know that I do work. My husband works. We both work fulltime jobs. I am chronically (physically and mentally) ill and I force myself to work a fulltime job because I have no other choice. Even with our combined incomes, we are struggling with all these unexpected expenses. So, here I am, asking for help because I cannot keep doing this alone. I will only end up with more medical expenses because I will end up inpatient again.

If you are in a financial spot to do so, please consider buying a reading, a spell, a sigil, or a devotional. Or if you feel so inclined to donate, I have C*sh*pp, P*yP*l, and V*nm* right now. Anything helps.

Love,

Crimson

[qqueenofhades]

So I decided to go back to school this year and am now in grad school, which I am somewhat struggling with more than I would like; damn them ADHD brain gremlins. As a grad school veteran, do you have any tips for not drowning in grad school while being a semi-functioning employed adult? 💚

Aha, well. I haven't actually gone to grad school while also working full time (unless I really lose my mind and do another master's degree while also managing two and/or three academic programs, but let's not talk about that), so I don't have specific suggestions in that regard. However, I can offer my basic tips for surviving grad school, which include:

* Set a routine and make sure you block out time to do your reading and/or writing. If nothing else, prioritize this. A lot of your grade in the class will come from what is directly before the professor's eyeballs, i.e. whether you can prove that you actually have a clue what they're teaching you and whether you can write coherently as a result. You can skim-read (dirty secret: almost all academics do), but you have to know how to skim-read, so you'll still taking in the essential points of the content. Usually this means reading the abstract, the introduction and conclusion, and maybe the beginning and end of each chapter or article section. Take notes. If you think "oh no, I'll definitely remember that!" -- that is the devil talking. Read with a pen in your hand. Future You will thank you.

* Likewise: you will need to take at least a few days to write a decent grad school essay. Plan in advance. Some people are the kind who can frantically scramble to pull an entire undergrad essay out of the hat on the night before and submit it at 11:59pm, but a) this doesn't work in grad school, or at least not as much, and b) if that's how you're going through it, you're not getting value out of it for money, and grad school is FRIKIN EXPENSIVE. The most amount of outstanding student loan debt I have is from my master's degree, not my bachelor's or PhD. If you're skating through it and bullshitting everything, then it's just not worth what you're paying.

* COMMUNICATE! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COMMUNICATE!!!! This should be both to your professors in school and/or your bosses at your regular job. If you anticipate a schedule conflict, need an extension, have something that needs to be done in one front that will have to take priority over the other -- PLEASE COMMUNICATE! (Is this my Traumatized Faculty And/Or Administrator Voice talking? You can't prove it.) Don't drop in with a panicked email five hours before the deadline and beg for more time/a dispensation/extension/whatever. Most people will be willing to work with you, but that relies on giving them time and/or planning space to do so and make other arrangements; after all, they are also counting on you to be a team player and if you can't be, to give them the chance not to be screwed by your absence. It is a basic courtesy to promptly answer (and my god, READ!!!!) your emails and to communicate with other people BEFORE problems arise, rather than when you're right in the middle of them and it is already an emergency. Everyone will thank you for this.

* Likewise: work out which things need to be done as soon as they come up, and which ones are able to wait a little longer. My particular brand of neurodivergence often makes me think that I need to do new things RIGHT NOW GOD RIGHT NOW FIVE ALARM FIRE!! and I stress and get anxious until I do them, even if I'm already working on something else. Project-hopping can sometimes be helpful if you're feeling blocked on something else, but do also have a sense of what needs to be prioritized most.

* If you're not already on medication and/or have some way of managing your ADHD: I would strongly recommend that. Grad school is hard enough, and you don't need to make it artificially harder. There are always the usual bugaboos about obtaining any kind of care, but do what you have to do, medically or otherwise, to make sure you're putting your best foot forward and not artificially sabotaging yourself because the brain chemicals just won't play ball. Believe me, I also know something about that, so yeah.

Good luck!

[onceuponmyanime]

Obey Me Devildom

*I've always wanted to write about little Fluffy segments on the side about how MC felt in a new place like the Devildom with all these people she should be afraid of but finds an odd sense of belonging.

So this is just my small take on it.*

The Catnapping Seventh Born…

"I've wanted to see you for so long, my brothers…"

"How are they all?" It was the first time Belphegor had intiated the conversation, and I could see that he looked kind of lonely.

I knew just how he felt.

"They seem distant. I think Mammon is drowning in debts, I overheard him talking to someone on his D.D.D."

"I'm embarrassed to call him my brother sometimes." I could hear the disapproval in Belphegor's voice as he spoke of his older brother. "He always seems to get himself in to stupid situations."

"Leviathan just bought a new game the other day, and he's locked himself in his room for five days so far."

"That sounds like Levi." The youngest of the seven brothers rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"Satan attempted something he read in a book the other day, and I believe he's still paying for it now."

"Books are meant to be knowledgeable, but put them together with Satan and you could lose something." I watched as a small smile tilted his lips.

"Asmo is seeing someone, I'm not sure who but I have a feeling it may be the other human exchange student." An unnamed emotion passed fleetingly over his face, before he shrugged his shoulder carelessly.

"Asmo is Asmo. He's never interested in the same person for very long." But I could tell that he disapproved of his brothers sudden love interest.

"And Lucifer is always busy." Which was the understatement of the century.

"Busy being Diavolo's pet." Not once have I heard any of the other brothers use Lord Diavolo's name so informally, even though I've overheard him allow Lucifer to. He just chooses not to.

I looked at the Avatar of Sloth for a moment before I spoke again.

"Beelzebub misses you." I could see the sadness in his eyes as I mentioned his twin. "I wish I could tell him you're here, it would make him so much more happier." And I believe a lot more friendlier.

The sadness was gone, quickly replaced with indifference.

"That won't do anyone good, it'll make the situation worse." Thinking for a moment, Belphegor stared at me almost thoughtfully. "But there is something you could do for me."

Like I wasn't already doing something for him.

"As long as I'm not going to become a sacrifice, then I'm listening.

"Not that that doesn't sound like fun, but I was thinking you could probably do something for all of my brothers.

Something sounded fishy.

"What's the catch?"

"Nothing at all. You'll probably have to get close to each of them and find out what they like. Then do something nice for them."

Again, I found that I had already begun doing that.

"I guess I can do that."

Or at least I can try to.

[punk-pandame]

help my sick cat pls

this is princess nova. she's the best cat i've ever had. she literally trained herself to be an emotional support animal for me. she's one of the few things keep me sane right now.

she's had eye problems for a while, but now she also has a respiratory thing going on.

the vet wants $800 USD for testing, including an x-ray, to make sure her respiratory illness isn't related to her eye problems and that there's not a deeper issue going on than just a cold. that's in addition to the $340 USD the feline ophthalmologist wants for her first visit. we have pet insurance, but it won't cover anything related to her pre-existing condition, so if it all turns out to be related, we're royally screwed.

basically, we need $1140 USD to cover her vet appts.

my husband and i both work full time. he's a PhD student and i'm too sick myself to take on another job. we're already drowning in debt and this is going to be a huge hit.

the only other way we have to make money right now is my patreon and buymeacoffee.

it would mean the world to all of us if you could contribute, even if it's just a dollar. i'll write or draw you something in exchange!

$125/$1140 USD as of Nov. 30, 2022

thank you to everyone who's already contributed, i love you so much <3