#and i like that the game actually acknowledges that in the end

[arnivold]

Having played Emmrich's romance from start to finish I can say it does a shockingly good job of realistically portraying a romance with a significant age gap, speaking from experience as someone who once dated a guy in his fifties while I was in my twenties

Spoilers under the cut

So when you first start flirting with Emmrich, he doesn't assume you're being serious or doesn't even register it as flirting. Then he realizes what's going on and plays along with it. Then he starts flirting back, and uh oh we both acknowledged there's chemistry and now we have to figure out what we're gonna do with it.

Then you start dating. Or at least you're sorta dating. And your friends notice what's going on and immediately they voice their concerns. Are you sure this is a good idea? Happy for you but do you think maybe you're going a little too fast? Does the older person have bad intentions here? These are all questions the companions and even Hezenkoss ask in banter when you start the romance with Emmrich

And yeah when you first start dating someone new these questions don't seem to matter cause you're in love. You're charmed by Emmrich's gentlemanly ways, Emmrich likes the feeling of having a young person show interest in him because it makes him feel younger so he doesn't have to grapple with his mortality

But then as shit gets more and more serious and you near the end of Act 2, Emmrich wants to have a genuine discussion with you about the relationship. He's concerned that maybe this isn't such a good idea after all, because even though you both have the best of intentions, eventually you will have to deal with losing him and it will be decades before you have to worry about your own death.

And you have to ask yourself, is this serious or not? How are we gonna introduce each other to our families? Are you prepared to care for a sick/elderly spouse in your 40s and 50s? If you want to have children, are you prepared to handle having a partner who is already a generation apart from you and old enough to be your children's grandparent? How will it look when an older person in a teaching position is dating someone the same age as their students?

And for a lot of people these are serious obstacles to having a serious long term relationship! And discussions like that often do end in a fight like it does in Emmrich's romance! It happened to me in my relationship with an older man, too! It didn't work for me in my specific case but some people are able to work that stuff out, and in the case of Rook and Emmrich, they eventually do. But those are important discussions to have when you enter that kind of relationship

Idk man, the whole time I was romancing him I kept hearing the same comments my friends and family made about my relationship, the same arguments and discussions we had about the logistics of that kind of relationship, etc. etc. I figured they were just gonna go the route of indulgent wish fulfilment, and I was left slack-jawed when the game actually delves into the realities of dating in age gaps that large

[who-is-page]

Wag Those Tail Feathers: The Wonders of Alterhuman Courtship

Author: Page Type: Essay Words: 1,065 Summary: Page's perspective on alterhuman courtship, as an individual who has been both on the receiving and giving ends of it.

[Part of the Sol System’s Alterhuman Writing Project for 2024. If you don’t want to see these posts, block the tag #inkedclaws]

As a polyamorous alterhuman, I’ve had the wonderful experience of being in relationships with people who have a variety of different courtship instincts— sometimes even all at the same time! Including my own instincts, it’s led up to some interesting realizations about the variety and diversity of expressions of love, and how wonderful it can be to be loved by an alterhuman (and to be an alterhuman in love, too).

My personal experiences, notably, revolve specifically around being nonhuman and this applies to a majority of my partners as well, which influences the flavor of this discussion. It’s been a wonder to be the target of a feathery mating dance, to be wooed with draconic jewelry and treasures, or to have my partner jump out with a meal, as proud as could be at displaying their hunting skills for a mate. It’s not necessarily just a nonhuman thing, either, of course; my orthohuman partner exhibits some similar sort of feelings and actions, too! Something which comes across especially strong in his hunt-and-gather supply-hoarding behavior in video games. But there’s something so especially intimate about having your alterhuman partner court you in a way unique to their species identity. It’s a beyond flattering form of trust, love, and affection.

And as an alterhuman who has targeted my partners, alterhuman and orthohuman alike, with my own affections, it’s also uniquely affirming to have your partners engage with your varieties of courtship for your species. There’s something incredibly special to have them try to learn your rituals and woo you in turn, even if they don’t have the same instincts driving them. It’s love with intention, a conscious effort to learn a language that’s typically foreign to them or which they might otherwise never come across on such a personal level. It may not always be perfectly executed, but the intentions behind them make them perfect regardless.

I’m someone who’s fully public about my alterhumanity. I don’t hide that I’m a dog and (luckily) no one especially seems to care in the day-to-day when I’m meeting up with strangers and acquantinces. But it’s become an important part of my dating life that potential partners need to not only be aware of my alterhumanity and accept it, but they also need to interact with it. You could argue that my spouse set the bar high for any potential future partners with how he took to my canine-ness and plurality like a fish to water, but I’m of the opinion that it’s something that should be the norm, not something so utterly unexpected by many.

Being able to engage in alterhuman courtship with your partner, as serious or as silly as it may fundamentally end up being, shouldn’t be something that you feel is utterly unreachable, that you yearn for but never feel like you’ll be able to reach. Alterhuman courtship is a wonderous experience; something that I think it’s not only important for alterhuman folks to be able to freely do with those they love most, but also to be on the receiving end of, too. It can be easy to default to the status quo in relationships, because of the societal pressure around us. Normativity around romance, sex, and even platonic affections is something that is constantly at play in the backgrounds of our culture and which embeds itself into our conciousnesses in unexpected and often invisible ways; and it’s difficult to dissect these without exposing ourselves to what some might list as “weird” or “unusual” urges and behaviors. But we can’t unpack the shame or embarrassment that might be holding us back from engaging with these urges unless we actually let ourselves acknowledge the collective, confusing feelings abound within them. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to shrug our shoulders and simply say, “I suppose I’ll never find someone who can accept me as my [species] and all that entails,” or to just resign ourselves to having to hide a part of ourselves away forever to maintain relationships.

We should toss these types of negative feelings aside and embrace our alterhuman courtship urges in earnest: that sometimes we’re not fully human, or we’re human a little to the right, and that inevitably makes romance, sex, and platonic interactions a little different for us than it might look for standard folks as displayed on a big screen. It’s not a failure on our part, and it’s not something that needs to be squirreled away due to internalized respectability politics. We can love ourselves and find love in others, for and by being ourselves. We can experience unique forms of love and adore those factors in others. This is, to me, a part of the territory that comes with being alterhuman or knowing alterhumans. It’s a part of what makes life wonderous.

In my partnerships, I love getting to bring my partners gifts. I love to bring them tiny treasures, small things from my system’s hoard, to pebble at them almost like a penguin would (sometimes including a silly little dance, of love!) It goes beyond standard gift-giving in the way that most of the people I’ve met would think of it, where presents that large are often reserved for special occasions like holidays and birthday. But it’s something I do year-round, to show my partners that they’re always on my mind, and that what is mine is their’s, too. I do the same thing with food; while normally incredibly food protective, both due to species identity and past food insecurities, I make the effort to share my favorite foods with my partners for the same fundamental reasons. To share my food, my bed, my life— and to have my partners recognize that as not just general displays of love, but as specifically displays of love intertwined with what I am, is something which displays a deep level of understanding and acceptance for my species. It’s something I’m grateful for beyond words, but it’s also something that I don’t want us as a community to accept as unheard of, or as just a one-off, lucky occurrence. Love like this is achievable and rewarding, both as a recipient of such alterhuman affections and as the giver. And we all deserve to experience it, in whatever form of love that we feel most comfortable with. Don’t tell yourself otherwise; don’t settle for less just because you feel like you have no other choice.

[mvrdermeharder]

Part 2 of Kaiser-goal analysis

[This post is a continuation to my previous one, where I tried to theorize how Kaiser’s goal celebrations differ from other strikers’ and the reason(s) behind it. I highly recommend you to read that first. I’ll also edit this post and link the third part here, when I upload that.]

[Also, tagging u @pixie05love <3]

Okay so, in this part I want to talk about what happens between the third and fourth goal: the failed attempt of the Magnus (the culmination point of Kaiser’s desperation to reestablish and reinforce his shaken self-esteem) and the events leading up to it. I think it’s important to recap these events and Kaiser’s down spiral to have a better understanding of the Magnus and it’s significance later on.

Reaction to defeat:

We have left off with the results of his shameful third goal: he fixates on Isagi more than ever, not bothering to award Ness. The game ends, with his rival as the ultimate victor. And just like after his latest goal, he tries to hold it together: covers his expression with his hair, head held down, being silent. But he obviously can’t take it anymore: his frustrations break through the surface completely, even though Ness isn’t there this time to “provoke” Kaiser’s ire.

(I am NOT placing the blame on Ness for how Kaiser responds to him in a verbally abusive way. That is not what I’m getting at. Just to be clear.)

And I want to note the obvious difference between these two responses to a loss: at first, his anger is icy and chilling, we get to see his vicious expression and eyes (they are the focal point of the panel) and it literally freezes Ness. He’s mad, it’s showing, but he still stands straight as the bet is not lost just yet. At the end however, his anger is loud and startling, he is hunched over, expression covered with shadows. He’s even more on the edge of an identity crisis, embarrassingly losing the bet that he had proposed in the first place, and having his self-obtained “humanity” (causing pain to others) ripped away from him.

So obviously, he doesn’t give a shit about his new offer. Prestige, wealth, and an escape from BM are only secondary goals: they do not “make him human”, only causing despair does. That is the source of his ego. And so, we get to the first self-harm scene.

Psychology behind the self-harm:

I think it can be interpreted in multiple ways, as there isn’t a clear indicator whether he’s punishing himself intentionally or subconsciously. I am PERSONALLY leaning towards the second possibility because of this one reason: he’s feeling like “shitty trash”. And how I see it, this feeling isn’t evoked by him choking himself, it’s quite the opposite, actually.

It is the same phrase his father had told him while putting his hands on Kaiser’s neck, the exact words Kaiser used to identify himself with as a young boy. But for a while now, he’s been considering himself as someone with success, who has built up his humanity, and so feeling like trash again this suddenly could’ve triggered his memories of the times he felt this way the strongest = under his father (who had spat these terrible things in his face) being totally helpless, with a pressure around his neck.

In short: he’s feeling worse than ever -> it triggers his ptsd of the most intense moment he’d felt this exact same way -> he’s reliving the memory -> subconsciously chokes himself, to imitate the situation in real time.

(But, as I’ve said, this is only my interpretation. I do not study psychology, nor do I have personal experience with ptsd and trauma responses.)

Between the Ubers game and the PxG one, we first see Kaiser at practice, as he acknowledges that he can’t gain back his feelings of comfort unless he beats Isagi. Later on the same day, we get to the second time he chokes himself. With recordings of Isagi playing in the background, he is literally facing his own defeat over and over again. It would be no wonder if the reasons behind his self-harm were the same ones that I had theorized regarding the first instance (feeling like trash more than ever -> subconsciously imitating a traumatic moment)

But there is another possibility as well. It’s now crystal clear to him that crushing Isagi is the end all be all. So, maybe, to come up with a way to do just that, he is intentionally placing even more pressure on himself (both figuratively and literally) to find a way out. He overwhelms his psyche on purpose, so that his base instincts for survival would kick in, searching for newfound inspiration to escape the situation. And it works:

Magnus’ failed attempt:

After Isagi scores the first goal, Kaiser’s situation is even worse. Not only is his one satisfaction of ruining other’s careers is being ripped away, but also his other accomplishments (his position, his team). Now even more things are at stake. Again, his anger is loud, bigger than ever.

But he puts a lid on his frustrations again, maybe so as not to scare Ness away; after all he needs him to set up his goal. But his emotions and desperation are clearly showing, they make him utterly irrational. Which costs him a miskick.

And at this moment, we have finally arrived at the pinnacle of his accumulated despair: for the very first time we can clearly see and observe every detail of his overwhelming frustration on his face: his hair is completely out of the way and there are no shadows to cover his expression either.

(I know this last part about the failed attempt is more of a recap, but some parts that I’ve mentioned will be important regarding the actual Magnus analysis itself… or at least I think so…)

Edit! Read part 3 here!

[vapolis]

I really want to meet merc's partner in the story and learn more about them. so many opportunities for angst... but also I can't see merc leaving anybody for them at this point. and I can't imagine this meeting not being a huge pile of misery for both parties. merc is all fucked up and broken and so so different, they have a new life with new people in it and leaving this life behind is not really an option right now. if they meet it will probably hurt this person a lot. like a lot. meeting merc already hurts enough, but seeing what they are rn makes it worse. and merc doesn't even know shit. they don't remember anything. and then it hurts them in turn. and I don't even know if remembering would make it all better or worse.

I really like merc. and I'd like them to remember at least something from their past. at least some bits. to remember what and who they were. I don't know if it would help them, but I think they deserve it. and as much as I am a sucker for orla, I really want merc to be respected more. to be more than a tool. to be a person, whose opinion matters, whose life matters, whose feeling matter. I want them to be loved and wanted, I want someone to care for them, to listen to them, to actually listen to them. merc deserves so fucking much and I would give them the world I swear, I love them so much, none of these people deserve them. most of them wouldn't really care if merc went and died and I hate them for it deeply.

also I really need merc to cry, that's a carnal desire of mine. sex is good but my god this bitch (affectionate) needs to let it all out. too bad there's no one willing to listen to them and crying on the bathroom floor is a mood but not when you have to go and kill someone for orla right after. I don't know if there will be a happy ending for this game but oh god I need it. I would kill for a happier and more mentally stable merc I swear. I know I'm not treating them good either by making them romance jax and orla (and that's with their dog x mistress dynamic going on. god have mercy) but still. I have hopes. I don't know if I am a fool for having them but god. I need things to be good. at some point.

I'm so so sorry for this wall of text but I swear I can't make it better and neither can I express my thoughts coherently. but I just love merc. yeah. thanks.

the meeting/reveal of their former partner will certainly be interesting! I don't want to spoil anything but I think it'll be as confusing and angst inducing as possible.

them remembering stuff however... I'm not sure if that would be good or bad for them but how things are rn I'd say merc remembering more would send them spiraling. more than they already are.

orla and merc are complicated as fuck but probably my fave dynamic and the scenes I'm writing for chapter 5 are already soooo. a little further going into the direction of orla acknowledging merc as someone beyond a tool to wield.

and I think I've answered an ask about whether the ROs would care if merc dies and vaguely rmr saying yes... they're not as indifferent to merc as it feels and we're also only on chapter 5. so lots of moments that bring ros and merc closer are still to happen!

I'm personally excited for things to pick up a little more now and one or two of the things you describe are yet to happen :)

[ma1eficar]

Thoughts so far on how Veilguard handling trans people

Vague spoilers. Critical but I also give credit where it's due

The good intentions are there and I appreciate them. I recognize that some of the devs are LGBTQ themselves and injecting some of their own experiences into their work, and that's valid as hell. And I like that the option to be trans is there at all, and actually gives you some relevant dialogue in the game instead of being an after thought that none of your friends acknowledge. That's certainly a big step forward over any rpg I've ever played.

I can also understand wanting to use the modern language to make sure there's no doubt about the characters' identities, and I can sympathize with lgbtq fans who prefer it this way.

But the more I think about it the more the way gender identity presented in Veilguard feels pretty off to me personally, as a trans NB person.

Veilguard frames the topic in a very modern and imo, western-centric way that just feels strange and out of place in Dragon Age. And the reason this matters to me is because I wanted to see the effort and world building go into how people like us would fit into a unique world like this-- I didn't want to be educated on how we fit into the real world, because I already experience that every day.

Like, I wanted to know what the elven, dwarven, Tevene, etc. Words for trans and nonbinary people are.

I wanted more exploration of how the qunari deal with gender, how it's tied to their role in life, how this could be freeing for some trans people and restrictive for others.

I wanted codex entries about using magic to transition, about what difficulties trans people in different cultures might face. And if there's time, maybe we could hear what spirits think of mortals and their gender roles, if some spirits might pick a binary gender simply because they like it, how their feelings about it might change or not change if they end up with a physical body.

We could've had all this cool fantasy trans stuff, but instead it feels like we kinda just got real life gender studies 101. Which I guess is good for a cis ally who just wants to understand us better, but for a trans gamer who lives this stuff it's just very bland. I just really wanted to see actual effort put into the world building around trans people

[tillytimeblog]

imagine you were a boy who grew up with two researcher parents and a dog. no siblings, you’re an only child. wouldn’t it be fucked up if one of your parents walked out on you when you were super young. and then your other parent didnt really care much for you and still cared about their research more than you and basically lived in their isolated research lab full time. you basically raise yourself with only your dog for company. your parent who is still technically around sends you letters, but even those stop after a while. you’re on your own. you learn to cook and take care of yourself because no one else will, and you dont really trust people. you much prefer animals like your dog. who we will call Tiff. your dog Tiff was always with you, unlike your parents. oh, except your parents were actually both animal researchers, and since they researched animals they also cared more about animals than you. and your only memento of your parents is one of the animals that your parents were researching, because it was left in your care. we’ll call this animal Don. Don reminds you too much of your parents, so the first chance you get, you offload Don onto some girl who you’ve just met who just kicked your ass. we’ll call her Ana. and it’s a relief to you. you’re glad to have Don gone, to have those memories gone. but now you’re truly alone. because, the dog you grew up with, Tiff, your sole childhood companion, is badly wounded and unable to move. i forgot to mention that a while back, desperate to find your parent at their research lab, you and Tiff went on a dangerous journey into the lab’s location, a place explicitly off limits, the Danger Zone™️. Tiff got mauled along the way by another one of the animals inside that your parents researched. a particularly dangerous one, that looked…abnormal. so you’re really going through it, and youre kind of a dick to that girl Ana and her best friend, who we’ll call Mona (who coincidentally could also kick your ass), and really everyone. because people suck.

you’ve tried just about everything to heal Tiff and nothing has worked, and you feel hopeless to save your best friend. but then you discover one last hope! a special plant that grows in a few very hard-to-reach places across the country. and it’s guarded by fearsome creatures that could, and totally would, kick your ass to protect it. but if you eat enough of it, its powers are said to cure anything that ails you. obviously you know you aren’t strong enough to take on these creatures yourself, but you realize that you and Ana might be able to together. sure, it would mean spending more time with Don, that animal your parents were researching, because Don has become Ana’s companion just like Tiff used to be for you. but Ana actually isnt so bad. she’s kind of nice, in fact. you learn to trust her, and become friends. and because you trust her, you tell her the truth. first you show her your dog Tiff, and admit that you’re on this crazy journey all to feed the plants to Tiff. then later on, you admit that your last remaining parent left you alone for years with no contact. except, you only admit this to Ana because you find out that your parent who hadn’t responded to your messages or reached out to you in years, had been MESSAGING ANA DURING THE ENTIRE JOURNEY. and when your parent overheard you, all they did was ask you to bring Ana into the Danger Zone™️ so they could meet Ana. this is so infuriating that it distracts you from having successfully healing Tiff. because now you have to go right back into the place where Tiff first got hurt. you really don’t want to go, but your new friendship with Ana is more important than how much you hate your parent, so you agree to take her. the Danger Zone™️ is dangerous (who woulda guessed?), so Ana brings along her friend Mona and another friend who we’ll call Cass (who, surprise surprise, could also kick your ass) to help keep everyone safe. a lot of wierd and dangerous shit goes down in the Danger Zone™️ but eventually you make it to your parent’s lab. where you find out that your parent made a replica of themself using artificial intelligence, and the replica has actually been the one talking to Ana this whole time. because your parent has actually been dead for a while now. killed by one of the dangerous animals they were researching. oh, and that unnatural animal that mauled Tiff earlier? it was never supposed to exist here. neither was the one that killed your parent. or any of the animals your parent was researching. they’re invasive and dangerous to the entire ecosystem of the country. if they remain unchecked, they would destroy the country. and the replica parent, who is supposed to have the exact same inclinations as your real parent, has realized that your parent was totally off their rocker and endangering the country. so the replica had you bring Ana along because Ana could stop the impending disaster. and then after she does, the replica parent leaves permanently too. and the only thing you’re left with is the knowledge that the parent who “stuck around” lost themself in research that nearly killed Tiff and would have destroyed everything you knew had that research not gotten them killed prematurely. so it was probably a good thing that your parent died, actually. and then you’re about to probably retreat into a life of even more self-isolationism than before, but those three girls who came along with you and could all kick your ass are like “that was fucked up, dude. sorry about all that. anyways, you’re a part of our found family now :) let’s go sightseeing to cheer up!”

yeah, i think that would be fucked up too.

on a related note i’ve been thinking about arven pokemon s/v a lot recently

[vaugarde]

im abt to rb a post on this anyways but tbh i dont know how you can finish isat and go “siffrin wasnt punished enough”.

the fella has killed themselves several times, what more do you want from him?

[vamp-a-day]

day 74

maybe don't make the deciding factor in your bartender rivalry the town alcoholic

[spacelesscowboy]

truthfully while i enjoy billford and fiddauthor i think they’re much more fun as like. lightning in a bottle moments. weird built up tension that neither side acknowledges. but It’s There.

and 30 years later ford is shooting up in bed wide eyed and sweating going. oh my god i was in love w them. while both bill and fiddleford moved on LONG before ford even realized what was happening.

[jrueships]

something invokes the carnal rage in me when a grown man rages like a two-year old over a video game

[pagesofkenna]

i wanted to make a post about a thing but the more i think about it the more i want to say and it's just going to end up being a big ramble essay, so instead i'll just give the thesis statement, thusly:

as the #1 Ratgrinders Apologist (self-appointed), of course they're the final boss fight to the death. i expected nothing less and the people trying to make discourse about it are ignoring the entire context of this being a Dungeons and Dragons game

[forcedhesitation]

I love that the bg3 guys are all written to have this intense adoration of karlach and lae’zel’s abilities to absolutely eviscerate their enemies. they’ve all got the same taste in women, which is “she could gut the big scary man chasing me, and then princess carry me to safety in her blood spattered arms.” and I respect and relate to that, as a bisexual man myself.

[puppys-rhythm-heaven]

compilation of some of the weird articles i've gotten on my google homepage. it knows what i want but simultaneously has no idea what i want.

[kaythefloppa]

I always point out Bunk’d on the list of shows with a terrible finale (since S3 was supposed to be the last but it effectively did kill the quality of the show) but having watched the final episodes of Bunk’d that aired last night, I can now actually reaffirm that its ending is shit.

Because oh my god is it shit.

[mariocki]

New Scotland Yard: The Money Game (2.10, LWT, 1972)

"Incidentally, I've been looking up that fraud case Audrey was involved in with Freddie Larch, the time he got nicked."

"Oh, what about it?"

"Well, I think your friend's an even nastier piece of work than we give him credit for."

"Very likely. What's that got to do with Phil Horden?"

"Not much. Except nothing's ever quite as simple as it looks."

[todayisafridaynight]

so magical that yakuza 1 and shadow the hedgehog came out the same year........ 2005 the best year for sega honestly.....