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animeyanderelover · 8 months ago

Note

Can I have headcanons with pregnant reader, please? With Alucard and Captain from Hellsing, Gojo and Sukuna from JJK, Meruem from HxH, Sawada Tsunayoshi and Byakuran from KHR.

I already did Pregnancy Hc's with Gojo before.

Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional mindset, stalking, clinginess, isolation, forced pregnancy, inhuman pregnancy, cannibalism, afab reader, birth

Tags: @jamayah @chxxz @leveyani @cynniical @shenryu-sama

Pregnancy Hc's

Meruem

👑Meruem's circumstances of birth were rather unique, even for a Chimera Ant. Born prematurely by forcing himself out of the amniotic sac, he already had everything needed to conquer his new territory. He truly is the born king with his powers and the frightening intellect to match that as he possesses a high learning ability and continues even today to only grow stronger with each passing day. He is the King and he was born with the mindset of one, indeed the perfect offspring his mother had hoped him to be. As much as he sees himself as the superior being who stands above everyone else, nature has a force even he can't control as his biology eventually catches up to him. As a King he has a duty to breed and it is an instinct deeply woved within his DNA. It is this primal need that calls out to him when he names you as his mate, as unfitting as someone like Pouf sees you. What could you possibly give the King after all, a mere servant in the Royal Palace who Meruem spared for reason now obvious? There is some consideration Meruem gives you though as he informs you of the nature of his kind and that both of you have a duty to fulfill.

👑The news of your pregnancy are of no surprise to the handful of people allowed to be even within vicinity of you. Meruem's mood has been highly sexual since a while now, his tail always flicking around as soon as he can sense you and most of his time spent with you in the private chambers. All Royal Guards sense the tiny presence within you and instantly their duty to guard you heightens. Even Shaiapouf, the one who dislikes you the most, finds himself acting on his instincts to protect the next heir. The situation is rather unique again though as everyone wonders how this will play out. You are a mere human whilst Meruem is biological perfection. His own birth was nothing like what a regular human pregnancy would have looked like and there is some tension as no one can exactly help themselves from wondering what would happen if the fetus would have a similar development as he had. The primary medic assigned to you is Pitou with their Nen-ability but as they are still a Chimera Ant, Meruem sends for a human doctor who has lots of experience with human pregnancy. Their company will be needed for as long as it takes and if they want to leave alive, they better be useful.

👑Meruem learns quickly from the information the doctor shakily tells him, memorising and understanding the human anatomy within only a little time as he also reads books on it. There is an undeniable fascination when he approaches you after everything has been learned, clearly sensing the presence you carry inside of you. He has always been someone who has preferred you within sight to satiate his possessive desires but his need to have you with him increases now that you carry his offspring. There are only few inches of distance between the two of you as you have to accompany him wherever he goes. His tail likes to be wrapped around your form as it eases his mind and you remember clearly how he has used the very same tail to behead others as if it were nothing which always puts your nerves a bit on edge when you feel it around your body. Only Komugi is allowed to spend time with you next to the Royal Guards as her presence has always eased your mind a bit as she is the only human you know of. She can soothe your mind in ways Meruem can't as she expresses her congratulations when she finds out whilst still reassuring you when you tell her about your worries.

👑Time tells quickly that whilst there is a bigger resemblance to a human pregnancy as you nurture his heir in your womb, his genes are still having a visible effect in the development of the baby. It grows rather fast as everyone of the Royal Guards and the King can tell that the presence grows stronger and larger every day. It is rather demanding on your body as the little one demands lots of nutrition and energy which increases your hunger significantly. You feel ravenous nearly all of the time as Meruem sees it through that you receive whatever you are craving to ensure that your body remains strong and healthy enough to care for his offpsring as well as for yourself. Even human flesh is served to you, the only time where you find yourself hesitating, shaking your head as you push the plate away. It isn't hard to see through you though. You are clearly desiring to taste the bloody, raw flesh of your own kind yet your consciousness holds you back. You're rather stubborn as he tries to reason with you that it is the desire of the offspring urging you to feed on your own kind and that you need the nutrition which ultimately leads him to force you to devour the human flesh.

👑Your consciousness struggles as you are fed with human flesh throughout the pregnancy as the Royal Guards especially hunt down those with Nen to ensure that Meruem's heir will consume their abilities and their strength to be born strong. Your body changes fast and only a few months after conceiving, your stomach is already heavy and swollen with a child. Meruem is rather enthralled with the transformation your body has gone through, even if your constant fatigue and tiredness have made him even more protective of you. He hasn't left you out of his sight for more than a few minutes since the start of your pregnancy and then you are normally always surrounded by two of the Royal Guards, Pitou always with you as their King has given them the duty to cater to your health and needs. Other Chimera Ants within the palace are vaguely aware that the King will have a new heir but none of them have ever seen you or else they wouldn't be alive anymore. Pitou and Komugi are the only ones next to the traumatised human doctor who are even allowed to touch your stomach and that only when Meruem allows it. Otherwise his hands are the only ones running fascinated over your bulge.

👑Anyone who dares to step too close to you without his permission instantly receives a hit with his tail. The fetus already has a strong Nen presence within you and even Pouf praises you for managing to exceed his expectations for what he thought he would be capable to carry, although his rude mouth earns him a punishment from Meruem who is highly displeased with his unwarranted remark. Despite your huge fear that the baby would destroy you from the inside like Meruem did with his mother, its movements are surprisingly gentle most of the time and Meruem reveals to you that the fetus is quite in tune with your feelings and even seems to possess an awareness of its own strength and your fragile body. You enter your labor roughly 5 months after conceiving but everyone has been expecting that much already, especially since the fetus seemed to signal it through its Nen and Meruem is with you as he wants to witness the birth of his heir, the swishing of his tail a warning to the human doctor to make no mistake as them and Pitou assist you. The son you birth him fills him with pride, a fascinating mix of your hair and eyes yet with the same green exoskeleton he has.

Alucard

🩸Alucard is a man you have only ever known as a creature of darkness and fear, as a monster that hoards you and keeps you for his own desires. There is no escape from the man in red, his eyes always following you wherever you go even if you might not see him anywhere around you. There are no secrets you can keep, no emotions you could hide from him as those glowing eyes seem to be able to look into the deepest bottom of your soul that even you do not know about. That is why he knows about the tiny life inside of you before it even has a heartbeat of its own. A little blop that doesn't even have a shape yet but it is this tiny thing that shakes him to his core. His mind drifts away to a place so far away that it may as well be found in a different world, red eyes glowing as he reminisces about something only he knows about. You do not know what it is he is seeing but for the first time you see something very vulnerable in his hazy orbs as he stares through you. When you decide to hesitantly call out his name, his eyes regain their focus and zoom in on your stomach. You still don't understand, not until he suddenly kneels down in front of you and presses his forehead against it.

🩸He withdraws himself from everything for a while as he doesn't reveal to even Integra what has happened. Seras with her vampire abilities catches on faster but when Alucard gives her a silent look, she understands and keeps quiet about it until he himself decides to inform his master. There is only him and you for a few weeks where he has gone oddly silent, although not in a way that would make you uncomfortable. Something has changed since the day he has found out about your pregnancy. You have seen this a few times before, a raw vulnerability he has only ever shown around you. But never before have you seen it to this extent before as there is a newfound level of intimacy the vampire seeks out. It is one that threatens to suffocate you due to its sheer rawness and scratches at your heart as you get to see a different side to him. Reverence is in every gentle touch of his and every smoldering gaze he gives you, his eyes glowing with emotions you have rarely seen in him before. No longer does he remind you of the monster with the blood red eyes. Instead there is a profound grief you notice around him and you wonder how long he has been carrying such weight all by himself.

🩸You awake one night and notice that his body is on top of yours, his head resting against your belly and his arms wrapped around you. When you attempt to move his grip tightens lightly and his voice instead asks of you to lay with him for a bit longer. You try to ignore your heart swelling with new feelings as you remind him that he can do this anytime. He's not moving though as he instead utters that this moment is special. When you question him what makes this moment special, he lifts his head to look at you. His eyes are gleaming with so many emotions that you nearly choke, his voice barely above a whisper yet brimming with adoration as he reveals that he heard the first few beats of its heart and wishes to listen to the new melody for a while longer. Tears start trailing down your face before you even notice it, the first tears you have ever spilled for him and not yourself as you lay back down and allow him to listen to the heartbeat of his baby, your own heart aching for reasons you don't even understand yourself. He feels frightened from that day on if you aren't around him, the warmth of your skin and the sound of two heartbeats proving a security he craves for and needs to go on.

🩸He needs weeks before he finally appears in front of Integra again and finally informs her about why he disappeared for a while, his hands keeping your body protectively close to his own. The woman looks a tad bit surprised as she glances at you but she doesn't dwell on it too long as she congratulates him. Still, she remains focused on her work as she asks Alucard what his plans are as she can certainly relieve him from some of his duties but that he is still their trump card. You notice the way his grip tightens carefully, his eyes looking at your smaller frame and you see the hidden unease he feels on the inside but he has sworn loyalty to Integra so he reassures her that he will still follow her call if she needs him. The young woman has a rather sharp mind herself as she notices the tinge of anxiety the vampire feels as she in return assures him that she will see it through that you will receive proper medical assistance the moment your water breaks. Another beat of silence follows as Alucard hesitates with the thought of letting anyone that close to you but he doesn't let his overprotective worries override his rationality and gives her a nod, expressing his gratitude for her help.

🩸His emotions are unfiltered and his vulerability raw and sincere as he spends the following months not wanting to leave your side. The few missions he has to go on pain him to his core even as Seras eagerly volunteers to remain by your side, his soul itching for your closeness and for the presence of his child as every moment agonises and torments him and the restless agitation is only quenched the moment he has you back in his arms and senses that both of you are healthy. Most of the time he hoards you for himself, especially once your stomach starts swelling with the new hope you are nurturing in your womb. Alucard finds himself drawn to your growing belly, every sound of the baby's heartbeat and every fluttering movement mending cracks that have broken his soul as a feeling of fulfillment washes over him that he hasn't felt in centuries. When you start craving for blood, he provides it for you without hesitation and even forces it down your lips by feeding it to you himself. Your tears of guilt and disgust move his heart as he understands that you do not wish to be like him. His desire for this child is stronger than his guilt though. He wants it to be born.

🩸You have seen the human behind the monster who is still a cruel and possessive man willing to burn down cities if anything should attempt to rip his baby and you away from him but who is beyond everything broken in his own rights. When your water breaks, Alucard never leaves your side and you even want him to be there with you. His touches are gentle and his words soothe you through your pain. Red eyes never leave the medics helping you, observing them closely as he is prepared to rip them apart if they should make even the tiniest mistake. He's not losing you and the baby. The first bellow of the little girl born the moment the sun rises has his dead heart trembling with emotions he thought had died with his human side. The medics leave the moment she is cleaned to give him the privacy he needs as red and intense eyes scare them away. You insist that he should hold her first and the moment he holds her tiny form in his arms, he sees the second chance he has been given. Red eyes are unable to look away from the little life as he vows to never let either of you go. She looks just like you, like a human, and he feels relief about that. He wouldn't want her to look like him. Like a monster.

Captain

🐺The Captain is a werewolf, a literal beast that brutally follows orders of the Major. He is frightening, never speaks a word and always remains stoic and expressionless yet he has made it obvious that no one is to touch you. For reasons even the Major is unsure of, Captain has chosen you as his mate and whilst he never vocally expresses it, his possessiveness and territorial claim he has stacked on you are as obvious as it gets though as soldiers who have gotten too close to you were brutally torn apart, their flesh consumed and their bones crushed as you could only watch in silent horror. Maybe it is in his nature as a werewolf that feels the urge to breed with his mate and the Major, morbidly interested in this relationship, only encourages it all when he notices the sexual aggression Captain starts showing. Like a piece of meat you are thrown towards the starved wolf as The Major follows the development curiously. Your pregnancy is an outcome he was hoping for and he knows because his bodyguard refuses to leave your side very soon as the natural instinct to guard and protect only spikes now that he senses that you carry his offspring.

🐺The Major knows that there is no realistic chance that Captain would ever let his mate or the baby be subjected to a study that would document the development the pregnancy and that would research how a hybrid child would turn out. He has already before been very protective to the point of murdering everyone who got simply too close and when the Major suggests the idea lightly to him simply to test his reaction, Captain tears the desk apart and lets out a ferocious growl, red eyes promising murder. The only thing he seems to accept from his leader is the offer for some medical assistance during birth, although the Major fully expects that he might kill them whilst they try to do their job. You have already been kept away from other people before you were expecting a child from him, partially because you have grown terrified to witness the same sight of bloody bodies devoured by him in his possessive rage. Now that you are pregnant though with his pup, Captain has grown even more aggressive as everyone is seen as a threat to you and the little life growing inside of you. You do not leave the room when he has to go and even if the room wouldn't be locked, you doubt you would leave.

🐺They eventually know about the news that Captain's captive is pregnant with his child but none of them dare to speak up. Only one fool has tentatively congratulated him on his incoming parenthood. All who were witness to it saw the way his pupils narrowed to slits before suddenly the man's head was gone. They don't even mention you in any way, shape or form as all know that he would kill them the moment he would find out. The only one who can actually get away with it is the Major and that only because Captain is more or less loyal to him, although his loyalty has started to split ever since he discovered you and chose you as his mate. When there isn't anything to do, the werewolf spends all of his time with you. His eyes never leave you once he is with you, always following your every move. You have long gotten used to the silence that surrounds you as he has never spoken to you before which has made you already countless times wonder if he perhaps can't speak at all. His presence is more suffocating now than ever before though. He doesn't let you out of his sight at all, not even when you wish to go to the toilet. You've stopped locking the door to the bathroom the first time he broke it.

🐺The pregnancy doesn't seem to differ much from what a normal human pregnancy would look like as you know that Captain is no regular human. It all seems so normal, much to the boredom of the Major, as months pass and your belly slowly develops into a bump. The sight of your bump seems to spark excitement and possessive thrill within the werewolf though as it is a sign of your body showing him that he claimed and marked you as his own. He always wants you to show him your growing bump, completely ignoring your privacy as he has torn multiple shirts apart in growling frustration when you weren't in the mood to let yourself be touched by him. He doesn't understand your resistance against him. You are his. The baby is his. He can do what he wants with you. As frightening as he is, you know that you have seen worse from him and you know that he is holding himself back a bit more to spare you from stress that could harm the baby inside of you. The bigger you grow, the less time he spends away from you. The Major tolerates it though as he knows that the Captain would probably even go against his orders if he were to tell him to spend more than an hour away from you.

🐺It is at the end of your second trimester that something interesting happens that rouses the Major's intrigue. Captain starts hunting down humans and even kills a few of the most disposable soldiers and drags them to the room where he keeps you. Recently you have started feeling an overwhelming hunger for flesh, human flesh. You try to stop yourself from indulging in that sudden craving but Captain realises the need of the growing pup who is in its final phase of growth and requires more nutrition and food for the energy your body will need to nurture it properly. You scream, you cry and you even feel like vomiting when the werewolf forces your jaw open and makes you swallow the flesh of the corpses he brought with him, some soldiers you even knew briefly. The hunger for humans only increases as the final growth spurt of the fetus takes a toll on your body, the flesh he makes you consume giving the baby what it needs and feeling its strong kicks beneath your swollen skin only pushes him to feed you human flesh everyday. The final weeks before your due date, Captain takes a complete break from his duties as he is unable to focus on anything else than you and his pup.

🐺Your water breaks 2 weeks too early but you are quite relieved when the liquid stains your legs. Not only does it mean that he won't force your jaw open anymore to shove human flesh down your throat but you also look already more like someone who is overdue due to the growth of the baby ever since it has been feasting on human flesh. The birth is messy, frightening and terrible. The moment contractions start hitting you seriously, Captain refuses to leave your side and when one medic dares to instruct him to leave the room, their intestines go flying. Animalistic growls echo through the room as he stands possessively in front of you and glowers at the frightened medics. It is only when he senses that his child is about to be born that he finally allows them to step over the corpse of their co-worker and do their job as he silently takes care of you to encourage you to keep going. As soon as his son is born and starts wailing, he instantly stands in front of the medic who hands him his child before everyone rushes out of the room, rightfully frightened for their lives. Captain looks only proud and satisfied though as he puts his pup on your chest, wanting to see you caring for his newborn.

Ryomen Sukuna

🗾There is quite possibly nothing more terrifying than being the victim to Sukuna's obsession, although the King of Curses likes to remind you that you should feel honored that he bothers with you to begin with. He could have devoured and killed you by now so you'd do best to realise your position and stop your whining. You will not be set free until he decides to end your pathetic life himself, you surely don't expect him to let you go after all if he should ever lose interest in you. He's not a sentimental fool after all so perhaps you should try harder to entertain him. A child is the least thing he has considered for himself, the only experience he has with such tiny and annoying little things are the ones where he relishes in their final screams before dining on their young flesh. There is no denying what he is sensing though as he picks up the tiny source of energy nestled within your womb. It is rather rare for a curse and a human to create such a thing together and he has lived long enough to know that in the few rare incidents that it has happened, an abortion was always the result. With that thought in mind, he decides initially to not even bother to inform you about it as he continues treating you as usual.

🗾The little thing is persistent though as if to prove him wrong and even if he knows that it barely has a consciousness of its own, he has to admire it for its strength. He would expect nothing less from a spawn of his. It is a greedy little thing that drains you of your vitality and energy even from its earliest stages and it is then that Sukuna acknowledges its existence and informs you of what is going on as even you have taken notice of it. How could you not, when it literally claims everything your body has to offer for its own growth? There is horror that you feel to the marrow of your bones as he tells you that you carry his offspring, your throat closed as only broken whimpers leave your lips. You go down on your knees, your hands grasping the material of his clothes as teary eyes look at him with a pleading looks that your mouth is unable to vocalise. What are you even hoping for? Two of his hands grasp the sides of your face as a look of false pity crosses his face as another hand pats your head half-heartedly. He must say that the fighting spirit of the thing inside of you has managed to impress him. He's rather curious to see if it can manage to survive. Seems like you'll get the honor of bearing his heir.

🗾Uraume is the only other living person who is let in on your pregnancy and swears to protect you and his heir with their life. Sukuna almost laughs at the implication that there would ever be a scenario where someone would get that close to you in the first place. There are immediately humans and curses piling up at your feet to provide you with cursed energy and nutritions your puny human food could never give. If you really manage the impressive feat of bearing him a child, he expects it to be a worthy heir of his. Your own disgust and fright as he demands you to devour all the corpses he has brought you tire him. The little thing is already consuming your own reserves and weakens you even more than you were to begin with. He has no patience for your tantrum right now. Two of his hands seize your shoulders and hold you in place, the recent weight loss you have suffered from allowing him to feel your bones even if he applies only minimal pressure. The other two hands pry your mouth open and shove the flesh of dismembered bodies down your throat, again and again. You wish to throw it all up yet to your horror your body digests it all.

🗾The repeat of this procedure only solidifies in your mind his cruel nature, Uraume on the other hand comments that Sukuna must really hold a deep-rooted affection for you. If you were anyone else and if the child were not his and yours, they are sure the King of Curses wouldn't be as patient to forcefeed you multiple times a day to keep up with the needs of the growing life inside of you. He wants the baby to be born, doesn't he? Neither you nor the fetus disappoint him as his efforts aren't wasted when your stomach starts rounding out with the growing life inside of you. He must say, he is rather pleased with you so far as you manage to achieve something no one before you has ever done before. You are physically and mentally already drained, your body exhausted from bearing a child that is half human and half curse and your mind broken with the knowledge that he has taken the last thing from you you thought he could never take from you. Whenever he sees that look in your eyes though when his gaze meets yours, he gleefully reminds you that it was your body who accepted his seed and that it is your body that continues to nurture his heir. It is your own body who betrayed you.

🗾There are still things he has to do, sometimes just because he feels rather bored at the moment in which case he knows that Uraume will keep you safe if anything should happen. There is a subtle shift in his behavior though as you grow heavier with his child, their frequent and strong kicks only another sign that you really seem to be a special human. He chose wisely. He may never admit that to you but his touches are more gentle as his fingers caress your skin and brush against your bump. There is more time he spends with you, although he avoids appearing even remotely clingy. Still, it is time he chooses to spend willingly to you as there are less insults and taunts when he is with you as there is instead a silence he doesn't want to fill with compliments but you take the awkward tension. Uraume provides you with new clothes to accommodate your ever-growing belly but they are never allowed to let you in on the fact that it is Sukuna who chose them for you. In fact it is often per Sukuna's orders that Uraume gathers and collects everything he believes you need as well as the baby as soon as it is born. He can't have you thinking that he is going soft after all.

🗾As much as you despise Sukuna, there is an undeniable feeling of betrayal when you are in the middle of labor and he isn't with you. Only Uraume is there to guide you and offer passive encouragement as they tell you what you have to do. What were you even expecting? He doesn't care about you and he won't care for the child either. It is a long and taxing process as you struggle to give birth to the child. You curse its existence, you curse Sukuna and you especially curse your own treacherous heart for having considered for even one second that he would be there for you during birth. It is in the final phase of your labor that you just want to give up, the pain of pushing a child out of you indescribable and your vision blackening. That is when he suddenly appears, grabbing your sweaty palm and squeezing it reassuringly as he reminds you to breathe, even entertaining you as he notes that you want the little brat as much out of you as he wants. He's there when his son is finally born and holds him first, two of his hands hoisting the infant close to his face as he observes the child before you witness him breaking out in a genuinely proud smile as he looks at you and thanks you for bearing him a strong heir.

Sawada Tsunayoshi

🔥Life with Vongola Decimo is for the most part rather blissful and normal, if you ignore the heavy protection that is placed upon you. Surely it isn't always pleasant to have one of his guards always accompanying you but Tsunayoshi hopes you understand that his position as the head of the Italian Mafia makes you an easy target. It is a small sacrifice for your safety, even if you may not see it as he does. Children have never been a topic that has been heavily discussed between the two of you, although as the years fly a few people in his closer circle start joking about it. He must admit that he has considered it a few times whenever someone brought the idea up but he always finds himself hesitating. Tsunayoshi is the Vongola Decimo after all and he wouldn't want a child of his to be pressured by expectations that would undoubtedly come from somewhere as he would be their father. The decision of a baby would be something he would discuss with you to begin with since you would be the one who has to carry the baby and to give birth to it. That means that you get to decide if you want a biological child with him or not, meaning that the pregnancy is something both of you want.

🔥There have already been made certain preparations even before it was confirmed that you are expecting as Tsunayoshi has been quite open with his friends about the mutual decision that both of you have made. Anticipation is thick as everyone is just waiting for you two to announce it when it happens and when that finally happens, they throw a small party to celebrate the news. Obviously there is no alcohol for you involved. Everyone swarms around you on that day excitedly and it is up to Tsuna to remind them to give you a little bit of space to breathe. The news only stay within his closest circle of friends and allies though, even if he knows that eventually rumors will spread through the entire Vongola. That'll have to wait though as he'd like to focus for now on preparing everything for the arrival of the baby and especially to be there for you as the next few months will probably bring the one or other challenge with it. Not one to neglect his duties as the Vongola Decimo, Tsunayoshi sees it still through that he makes more time for you as he wants to be as involved as he can with your pregnancy and with the child as soon as it is born. It's not like you are ever lonely if he has work to do.

🔥There is usually always at least one of his guardians with him, mostly it varies between Gokudera. Yamamoto and Ryohei. Gokudera is fiercely loyal and protective over you now that you're expecting Tsunayoshi's child, Ryohei is always cheering you on when he notices that you're feeling down and Yamamoto is the calmest one who just listens to you and your worries. Hibari keeps an eye on you every once in a while too but he rarely chats with you, strictly focused on his task. Haru and Kyoko also often drop by to visit and Haru always beings some cake with her to enjoy together. She does now that there is a loose diet you are on to ensure the health of you and the baby but she tells you that if you tell no one about it, no one will find out anyways. You do not find it in your heart to tell her that Tsunayoshi knows about her smuggling cake with her but he seems to be rather amused as he is quite familiar with the antics of his old friend. In fact he sometimes asks if you could spare him some of the cake Haru brings with her which is no problem since Haru always brings so much with her that there is always some leftover. Even if you ask her to bring a little less, she ends up ignoring it anyways.

🔥The only people outside of his Guardians and friends who find out about the pregnancy are a few doctors he has chosen to monitor your pregnancy. Otherwise news of your pregnancy are strictly forbidden to be leaked to outsiders. Tsunayoshi isn't violent as a Mafioso but that has never been enough to stop conflict arising between the Vongola and other groups during times and he has met organizations who would be ruthless enough to even try to get their hands on you, especially now that you are more vulnerable than ever before. The security is tighter than it normally is and whilst you are still allowed to leave the building and go outside, which he partially even encourages since you need some exercise, you are never left alone. One of his Guardians is always accompanying you but he lets you choose which one you want to take with you, although when he finally has some time on his hands he takes it upon himself to go out with you. His parents and even Reborn visit him eventually when they have time as he has made sure to inform them about the good news as well. Reborn even volunteers to train Tsuna's child as soon as it is old enough as well and Tsuna, having war flashbacks, can only laugh.

🔥There are almost all the time the hands of someone on your stomach when you start showing, especially once the baby starts kicking. Tsunayoshi is alright with it though as he knows that everyone will be careful to not harm you and the baby. Haru is gushing over the fetus and introduces herself as their auntie and Ryohei accepts also quite eagerly your offer of feeling the baby kick and compliments the little one on being already a boxer. Tsunayoshi isn't touching your stomach as much as some of his other friends, mainly because he thinks that you must be quite exhausted from having multiple people talking to your stomach and touching it, although he still caresses your belly gingerly when both of you are alone. Both of you have already talked about the future of the baby and Tsuna is firm in his decision to not pressure his child into anything. He is aware that many might think that he would want his kid to take over his position when they are old enough but he wants to give his child the freedom to choose what they want to be later on in their life. He's sometimes actually worried that his child might feel like they have no choice but become the next head if they get older.

🔥He does his best to clear all business when the last month lurks around the corner and everyone else does their hardest to help him with that. Once again there is anticipation and excitement as you get closer to your due date. Tsunayoshi can't deny that the nervousness is there but he feels still fairly confident. After all months of preparation have all been for the moment that could happen every day now. When your water breaks and you experience your labor, everyone just waits in front of the medical room where the doctors that have been assissting you throughout your entire pregnancy now help you in the final act of delivering the baby. Tsunayoshi is the only one who is with you in the room and he is sure that if he would still be as faint-heared as he used to be when he was younger, he would have collapsed pretty early on as he watches everything unfolding. He isn't immune to the wriggly anxiety deep within the depth of his stomach but he hides it rather well as he knows that right know you need him to be there for you. You give birth to a healthy boy after hours of pain and Tsuna is overjoyed, although a old nervousness resurfaces as he's almost too anxious to hold him at first.

Byakuran

🍬My, this is unexpected. A pregnancy is not what Byakuran had in store for you as he is told of this little accident that has happened. Now that he thinks about it, he should have guessed what was going on as he has taken notice of some interesting symptoms for a while now but instead chose to ignore them. He could have figured that out by himself and is actually sulking a bit that you knew before he did because normally it is always the other way around. After he has gotten over his sullen mood though, he quickly focus on the situation at hand. Neither of you planned for this to happen and he asks you jokingly if you forgot to take your pills on purpose, although the deterred look on your face quickly tells him that you did not intend for this to happen either. Now, how should he handle this unexpected surprise? Byakuran has never before given a child any serious thought. He isn't even sure if he really wanted one before. Initially he thinks about keeping it merely to torment you a bit as he can sense that you are not overly thrilled about the discovery. The more he thinks about it though, the more he finds himseld curious about how that embryo might turn out.

🍬So he decides to view it as a surprise that he will look forward to in a few months time. Your reaction is as obvious as it can get, the anger and dread visible yet whenever you open your mouth, he puts a finger over your lips to hush you with that cheerful grin of his you know is just a facade to hide his ruthlessness. Let's not spoil the surprise by being a party pooper, alright? A surprise is something that should have you anticipating after all. Whilst Byakuran is not necessarily eager to share the news with the Six Funeral Wreaths, much to his dismay it isn't something that can be avoided. They have always been involved one way or another and he does need someone to look after you when he has to take care of something involving his plans. There is a clear tinge of annoyance in his smile though as they are informed and show different reactions. Zakuro looks as bored as always as he doesn't really care. Bluebell, who has never been able to understand what Byakuran sees in you to begin with, probably likes you even less now. Deisy acts as fearful as always as he looks at you nervously. Kikyo is the only one who properly congratulates Byakuran and promises to keep an eye on you.

🍬His intelligence is outstanding yet pregnancy is not something Byakuran can admit to know overly much about besides the basics everyone seems to know. He hires a small team of doctors and nurses to observe your pregnancy and the health of you and your little one but otherwise he actually doesn't make an effort to inform himself more about the changes of your body. Why should he? He can observe all of that by inspecting you closely over the coming months and that will be much more interesting than just reading about it on some paper or online. Apparently you hold one more surprise for him though when during an ultrasound it is actually discovered that you are expecting twins. When he hears the news, he actually starts laughing, the sound startling you when you hear it. There is a grin on his face as soon as he has calmed down, his purple eyes focused on your belly before he jabs his index finger into the skin. You really are always full of surprises, aren't you? No wonder he was so utterly fascinated with you when he met you for the first time. If you were worried that he would react negatively, don't. Two surprises are better than one after all.

🍬He couldn't care less for the gender of the twins and since the babies weren't really planned to begin with, he just decides that the gender will be another surprise the moment both of them are born. Byakuran appears almost rather easygoing as he even tells you that you can choose both of their names, interested what you'll come up with. In fact, sometimes you always feel like he is too easygoing and isn't focusing enough on the stuff that you will need the moment the babies are born. It almost appears like Kikyo is more invested than he is because it is the Cloud Mare Ring holder who seeks you out and presents you with different choices of cribs and furnitures he has chosen for the baby and would like your opinion on. That is how you find yourself willingly spending time with the male as both of you share the same interest as of now. When Byakuran finds out though, he is not happy. Despite his cheerful disposition he is rather possessive after all and the frequent meetings between Kikyo and you rouse his jealousy. He interferes both of you with a lopsided grin and a cold look in his eyes before his gaze lands on the files. He lifts them up and studies them before he glances at you.

🍬From that day on he pours a bit more effort into it as he does his own research, although you are still left to decide what you want. He merely just doesn't want you to spend so much time and get too close to Kikyo. There are some really weird cravings you experience as months pass and whilst Byakuran is gracious enough to provide you with the food you want, he can't stop himself from making fun of the weird combinations you come up with. Sometimes out of pure fun he even serves you a questionable combination of food and wants you to try. You've consumed some weird stuff already so you might like this as well. Other times he just feeds you the confectionary he is always consuming throughout the day and he does hope that the twins will share his sweet tooth or else he would be slightly disappointed. His presence is often rather grating though, simply because Byakuran loves poking fun at you even as you swell with two of his babies. He pokes your bump to rouse the babies when he wants to feel their movements, he doesn't give you any privacy and sometimes is just a jerk for the sake of being one. Your pregnancy doesn't protect you from his sadistic vein after all.

🍬His possessive nature is quite hypocritical though as he reacts harshly when it is someone else who agitates you to the point of tears during your pregnancy. After all your reactions and flaring emotions, whether they are of negative or positive nature, are solely reserved for his own enjoyment. There is a reason why you are as isolated as you are after all. Byakuran chooses to wait outside the maternity room when your water breaks and you enter your labor. He doesn't appear overly nervous as he sits there and wait. It takes the eye of someone who knows him better to notice the signs. The bag of sweets he has brought with him remain largely untouched throughout the hours, your screams and howls for once actually bringing him an unpleasant and slimy dread he feels in his stomach, ruining every chance of him enjoying the confectionary. When the shrill sounds of two screams finally echo through the air, he does feel his body jerking slightly forward. An amused chuckle escapes him when he finally enters and sees the babies for the first time. Fraternal twins, a boy and a girl each with a shock of white hair on their heads and purple eyes that make it glaringly obvious to whom they belong.

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ancientgoddessofegypt · 8 months ago

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ASTROLOGY TIPS - ASPECTS

Sun/Venus - A person with a sun/venus aspect has a charming ability that can masks itself into getting others to do what you want. The original sirens. Learning how to express this more often can garner them more fame, respect and power. They are naturally popular, but if they dont know how to awaken it, they usually have to embrace their sensuality much more often and get more into the spotlight.

Jupiter/Moon - Knowing what works is a natural ability they have. This takes a little arrogance on their end (jupiter) and trusting the power of intuition (moon) to make it more favorable. It seems as if that placement just knows things without knowing. And they should be more honest with themselves instead of guarding this gift. You never know when someone is going to need your intellect in somethning.

Mars/Moon - Hidden geniuses when it comes to working hard for something. That inner passion they feel sparks up real big energy, so a small tip for them is to work on that thing each day no matter what. It could be 30 minutes a day or whatever, but to keep the drive and focus churning more they have to keep the momentum.. because once they stop its harder to get back in with that same momentum.

Pluto/Sun - Transformative by nature, they need to spend more time in nature imo.. Nature is the inner reflection of us all, so these people have to learn to transform themselves like the way of the water, the trees, butterflies etc. Like how the seasons change, so do y'all. Very similar in nature to sun/neptune but more on the darker end. You guys need to be at peace with your transcendence and not reject it. The more you open yourself up to others the more powerful you become. <3

Mars/Jupiter - Being able to focus on a path that makes your heart sing, that is transcendence. You guys have a big appetite for learning, so putting all your effort in making a stronger impact on your mind is necessary. The choices you make in bettering yourself is a form of self-mastery and at some point might take up space. We're dealing with jupiter, after all.

Sun/Moon - Whew. I love yall. such a whimsical energy present. Your love for yourself and the world is a reflection of the inner child that is always constantly moving. Keep doing you, is my main tip. Focus on having a more balanced presence, and doors will open up for you much more easily. Got it?

Mercury/Jupiter - Talk. Talk. Talk. But talk about the things you love, what excites you, what makes your world much bigger. Your infinite mind is the key to enrichment in your journey, so why not share that with others who might be interested in the same. It could be as simple as a good book you just finished reading. Inviting others to how you see the world will attract more followers to you that you ever knew.

Neptune/Moon - Learning to accept your boundaries with others helps you heal a lot more than you realize. You're not for everyone, your cool, calm collected nature is what attracts people to you like flies... but its not for everyone to receive. You get me? Just be open to more out there, because the world is your oyster no matter who tells you otherwise. K <3

If you're interested in learning more, check out my tags! Also, if you want to know anything about your own chart, feel free to go into my asks! Thanks for reading, chow :)

#deja's astro observations #astro observations #astrology thoughts #astrology theories #astrology observations #tropical astrology #spirituality #astrology #astro #astro notes

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mysticalserenity-tarot · 3 months ago

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💭♡ What they want you to know? (Pick a pile)

{How to pick a pile? First, take a deep breath with your eyes closed to clear your mind. When you open your eyes, don't hesitate – pick the image that immediately grabs your attention or stirs up a memory. Remember, you can pick more than one pile if you feel called to. If none of the images stand out for you, it means there's no message for you at this time. You can always come back to it later.}

▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı. ▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı. ▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı.

Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3 (from left to right)

Hello, and a huge thank you to everyone for your incredible support. It means a lot!

In this collective pick a pile reading, we'll reveal what your specific person (no matter who) wants you to know. Let's see where your energy takes us.

Disclaimer: This is a collective reading I picked up on multiple energies, so please only take what resonates and leave the rest. When something resonates you usually feel a light energy and in your heart you can feel it's your message, and the pic that attracts you is a clearly sign.

▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı. ▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı. ▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı.

💬 PILE 1

3 of Cups, 3 of Swords, 6 of Cups (9 of Swords)

Hello Pile 1, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

Oh my dear pile 1, your person is truly struggling, as confirmed by the struggling card itself, the 9 of Swords. They want you to know that they are in a challenging period, whether you're asking for a platonic, romantic partner, or family member. Whoever it may be, your company is the thing that keep them going. I sense that you have an optimistic, uplifting, or magnetic energy that they miss, and they miss the warmth of your hugs and the softness yet directness of your words. They truly hope to reunite or unite with you, and I see them asking the universe or their beliefs for signs. They're unhappy but won't admit it or say it directly - this may be someone afraid that you could reject them or hurt them in some way, so they prefer to keep their feelings to themselves. I'm sensing emotional energy, like they're getting upset or teary as they think about missing you. The 9 of Swords suggests struggle and tension, but there's a sense of hope that they'll see you (again). As if you left them thirsting for your presence.

Before you, they felt like a nobody, but after you, they feel like life has a meaning and purpose. If you left them, they want you back, and if they left you, they want you to take them back [Unless this is a toxic ex, please ignore them and keep going with your life, you deserve better and I promise you, you'll get better.] This person is feeling nostalgic, as indicated by the 6 of Cups, and I keep hearing "I'm grateful" for the impact you had on their life. You inspire them to do and be better, and they see you as a source of inspiration and support. They view you as “the light at the end of the tunnel”. So sweet!

However, they may struggle to express these feelings and may even feel like they're holding back. For some of you, I get the feeling that you'll reconnect in the future, possibly with a rekindling of an old flame. For others, they're waiting for you to reach out to them, especially if you're the more confident or bossy one.

33/333 and the number 3 may be significant for both of you, relating to growth, expansion, and the positive energy you bring to each other. That's interesting 33 summed up is 6 which is on the 6 of Cups and 6 represents harmony which further shows this positive energy you bring to your person's life.

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 1.

Note: -If you enjoyed this and my other readings, and you'd like to support me further, you can do so on my ko-fi , I'd greatly appreciate it. It's not mandatory.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading through my Tumblr DM or email [[email protected]]. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity. We can decide the price together. [I will be providing more details on my paid readings in the future. Keep an eye out for it]

💬 PILE 2

7 of Swords Rv, Ace of Wands, 4 of Wands (Judgement)

Hello Pile 2, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

When you chose your pile, many of you may have thought of your divine counterpart/soulmate or future spouse. The Lovers card confirms this. But this reading is open to everyone and anyone, as always. Your person is dealing with a karmic partner or is in a relationship with someone who they thought was the one, but it turned out they were just a liar. They are feeling deceived and are paying for their naivety and bad decisions as a karmic lesson. They want you to know that they want a new beginning with you; which will open doors for the both of you, and they're tired of relationships that do not satisfy them or that are not what they seem at first. They want to celebrate this new beginning together like it's the first serious relationship you've ever had, even if you or them have been with other people in the past. Listen to your intuition and be patient. Divine timing is there for a reason and will not 'annoy' or 'frustrate' you, even if it may seem like it at first.

They believe in you strongly and want to emphasize that you have so much potential. Trust yourself, believe in your capabilities, and balance them with practice and logic. Patience and loyalty are required for your relationship to be stable and grow stronger. Reminder that karma is not just painful, but also teaches invaluable lessons. However, to move forward in your relationship, positive karma must be sought, which teaches lessons but also helps you expand as individuals. On a positive note, every person you encounter leaves you with valuable lessons that make you thrive in the long run.

I don't believe this is someone that would leave you for no reason, I sense strong admiration and attraction between you two. Whether in a romantic or platonic way. Wands, which also depict passion, in your spread are speaking louder!

Spiritual Awakening may be significant as well as fire elements (perhaps you or them are fire signs or have fire placements). You or your person are going through an awakening which confirms the karmic path currently.

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 2.

Note: -If you enjoyed this and my other readings, and you'd like to support me further, you can do so on my ko-fi , I'd greatly appreciate it. It's not mandatory.

💬 PILE 3

King of Cups, 2 of Cups, 8 of Swords Rv (5 of Wands)

Hello Pile 3, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

I see some conflicts in values occurring, potentially between partners, friends, or family members. Some of you may be considering or thinking about your current partner, but this reading is open to everyone. They are advising you to compromise and communicate effectively to avoid the last word syndrome. Your loved one feels unfairly left out and want you to share your emotions, both positive and negative, with them.I know you may be afraid of their answer but they want you to know that if you talk with eachother like two mature people there's nothing to be afraid of, they'll tell their opinion but ultimately the decision is yours, they know they can't cage you and is a wrong thing to do. They want things to work out with you because they love you, even if they don't express it all the time. Expressing love doesn't always require saying 'I love you. Instead, they want open communication, trust, and to release self-imposed limitations within the relationship. Things can improve if both of you communicate effectively, even if disagreements occur as it's a normal part of any relationship. As always, this applies to both platonic and romantic love. (you may resonate with some messages in pile 2, if you feel called to). However, for a few of you, there may be challenges due to being on different lengths. Your guides may suggest leaving this person as someone more suitable could be waiting. But remember, the future isn't set in stone. If you feel strongly magnetized to someone, trust your intuition as it may surpass what the cards indicate.

Craftsmanship and charm or bracelet-making may be significant for you and your person. Additionally, I had somehow a vision of someone playing Jenga in a logical, strategic manner, which seemed peculiarly specific.

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 3.

Note: -If you enjoyed this and my other readings, and you'd like to support me further, you can do so on my ko-fi , I'd greatly appreciate it. It's not mandatory.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANY LIKE/REBLOG/COMMENT IS APPRECIATED, ALSO IF YOU LET ME KNOW IF IT RESONATED.

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK.

ALWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EACH ONE OF YOU'S SUPPORT, I'M GRATEFUL 🤗🤍~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please note that I used AI language bot to help improve grammar and spelling in my readings, as English is not my first language. However, the interpretations and insights provided in my readings are all my work, based on my intuition and the cards' symbolism.

Disclaimer: Tarot readings are for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to predict or dictate your future. The cards provide insights and guidance, but the ultimate power of choice lies with you.(piccolo evidenziato)

#pick a card #pick a pile #tarot community #tarot blr #tarot blog #pick an image #tarot cards #collective reading #tarot readings #love tarot reading #love reading #spirituality #tarot deck #the light seer's tarot #mysticalserenity tarot #love reader #intuition #intuitive reader

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elsa-fogen · 2 months ago

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Icy's perfect revenge

The Trix retired long time ago. They were believed to be dead, then revealed themselves only to earn amnesty in a perfect chain of events. Maybe they created the said chain but there's no way of proving that and what's the point anyway? Since then witches didn't cause any troubles, so, maybe, they indeed changed?

Or just waiting for perfect opportunity, some believe, but there are no evidence.

Winx Club at this point just a name to refer what they once were. Stella is busy as queen of Solaria, Leyla (Aisha) is looking for a way to bring back her fiance from a magic coma, Flora explores new worlds full of new life, Musa started her own music school, Tecna is a lead scientist in a massive project of creating fortune telling AI, and Roxy finished her studying at Alfea and decided to go back to Earth, to spend more time with her family and make an effort in turning Earth into a better world.

Only Bloom hasn't found her purpose. Being queen of Domino doesn't appeal to her, besides, her parents are still young and are competent rulers, they don't need a replacement just yet. The Earth is nice, but there Bloom feels like she's an old lady in a nursing home. She is so used to be in a constant fights, that she can't live without it, without roaring of spells and rush of adrenaline. She tries to call the Winx Club back, but her friends have their own lifes now. So she joins Magix' special forces - to save smaller worlds from their local dark lords and stuff.

And in one of this missions she gets cursed. Another dying dark lord used his last minutes to cast a deadly ancient curse on Bloom. It poisons her magic and will inevitably kill her in a few years.

And even the fairy dust can't break this curse. It's not just dark, it's black magic, so strong and evil that there no way of breaking it. Well... There is one ritual, that comes from the same black, forbidden magic.

Only few wizards and witches in the entire magic universe know how break this curse. And, what a luck, her only witch friend knows a witch who can do that. Bloom is happy, she will live, and she's willing to pay any price for this chance.

This witch is Icy.

When Bloom sees her, she feels like she's already dead. She can almost hear Icy's cold laugh and her voice saying "Why do you think I would help you, stupid fairy, after everything you've done? No, I will watch you die, and when you do, I'll dance on your grave". But she asks her anyway.

And, to Bloom's shock, she agrees to help. For a price, of course...

Icy asks for Bloom's firstborn, like in some fairytale she used to read in her childhood. She thinks it's a joke, but Icy isn't joking. It's black magic after all and for using It, Icy will have to pay with few years of her own life. So, a child in this case is a fair price. By magic rules. Bloom tries to find someone else who would agree to help her, but fails. People aren't exactly willing to reveal to her that they possess such knowledge. So, Icy with her ridiculous price is her only hope. And Bloom has to make this deal, because she isn't ready to die when the whole life is ahead of her. She thinks to herself that she just will never have children. She doesn't even like them.

Few years later Icy, in a classic villain style, appears at Bloom's wedding, just to remind her of the deal they made. The Winx, Bloom's parents and her new husband Sky are confused and scared, because Bloom starts crying. That means that the witch's words weren't just some nonsense, they indeed made some deal no one knows about. But Bloom just smiles and says that it's nothing to worry about.

❄❄❄

Another few years later Icy is finally ready to continue her own bloodline. But she discovers that her unhealthy lifestyle in her youth and especially a year, spent in a prison that almost killed her, made her unable to have children. She's in rage and despair, she's ready to go and kill Bloom and other Winx nevermind the consequences, but then she's given a book with a provocative title: No men needed for happiness. On the cover is a picture of two smiling women, holding a child that has features from both of them. This book contains spells and rituals for two women to have children. A chance for her.

She spends weeks calculating traits of the best mother for her children, because she doesn't want anything else but perfect...

Bloom is her best option.

At first Icy fees like the fate is laughing at her. The woman she hates more than anything in the world is her best match. But then she realizes. The fate isn't laughing at her, it handles her a chance to make Bloom pay for everything. That deal they made... She can have Bloom's firstborn literally. Make her enemy continue her bloodline, make Bloom's own children hate and despise her. What a perfect revenge.

She calculates the ritual in a way that would drain Bloom's life energy as much as possible, and that would make her bring to the world not just one child but twins, at least. And with this Bloom's resources would be so drained that she either would not be able to have children anymore, or will die trying.

And Bloom can't refuse. They made a deal. Either way Icy will take her first child. But in only one of the options the child will live.

She agrees. She doesn't know what fate Icy has prepared for her.

#winx club #winx #icy trix #winx trix #winx club trix #the trix #trix #winx icy #winx club icy #icy winx #bloom winx #winx bloom #winx fanart #winx club fanart #No more Trix || Winx AU #Elsa Fogen Art tag

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violetrainbow412-blog · 3 months ago

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Day 20: written but never sent

Masterlist flufftober 🎃

Reblog if you liked it!

Spencer greatly enjoyed handwriting. Electronic devices irritated him to no end, as he felt that typing on them was so impersonal and trivial. Handwriting required careful thought, reflecting desires and passions in the shape of the letters, and capturing feelings in the prose... everything written by hand represented something intimate, at least to him.

That’s why, when he got a pen pal, it was inevitable that he would start developing feelings. He had contacted you as part of a school assignment, as both of you were studying the same Ph.D. in linguistics, and one of the tasks was to analyze how different people express themselves in writing.

All he had was your name and address, the strictly necessary information to send a letter. He was the first to send one, sharing some details about himself, why he was pursuing the degree, the work he did, and how he would apply the knowledge he was acquiring.

He patiently waited for your response, which arrived a week later in a small brown paper envelope with a maroon stamp. Your letter didn’t seem like just a required response to fulfill the assignment. You sounded genuinely interested in what he had shared, and you addressed every point he had mentioned.

What surprised him the most was that at the end, you talked about books he had mentioned and ended with a question:

Have you read The Resilience of Language? It's a great book that could help you a lot. I highly recommend it! Best regards, nice to meet you.

There was a question at the end. The answer was no, Spencer hadn’t read that book. He could have simply stopped there, taking your recommendation and using your letter to complete his assignment. But something inside him wasn’t content to just end the communication there; he thought it would be rude not to offer a reply. So, as soon as he received your letter, he took one of his notebooks to write back.

Spencer used one of his gel pens with a fine tip and deep pigmentation. If someone were observing him, they could say that all these actions reflected a sense of importance: selecting the paper, his best pen, carefully crafting his handwriting—all of this added weight to the act.

He sent the letter, still unsure, but hopeful nonetheless. He was amazed when he arrived at the building and found another letter in his mailbox, with the same characteristics as the previous week.

A year had passed since then.

Every week, without fail, you exchanged letters. By now, he knew you better than he had ever known anyone, as the semi-anonymity provided an extra layer of trust for sharing everything that had happened during your week. You started by exchanging generalities, talking about books, and discussing the Ph.D. classes. Slowly, you began to share less trivial things: how the place where you lived was, your job, elements of your identity.

In recent months, you were writing to each other as if you were close friends.

My migraines have improved, in case you’re wondering, and this week at work has been less demanding than usual. We only handled a fairly light case (if you can even call it that in my line of work), and I had time to analyze some of the works you recommended. How’s everything going with that guy at work?

When Spencer finished, he hesitated about how to sign the letter. At first, he would send you his regards, write some polite expression, or simply wish you a good day. But now, he felt the need to sign off differently.

Affectionately, Spencer.

He didn’t think you would notice, just a gesture of the growing trust between you. He patiently waited for the postman to deliver your reply, and after several days, he eagerly read your words on the paper.

I’m disappointed about the guy. Turns out he’s a jerk, you know? Sometimes I wish I could meet someone who can genuinely love me, without focusing solely on the physical. Maybe it’s bold of me to say that, but I think you understand. I want a connection that comes from appreciating who I am, with someone who shares my interests, someone respectful, intelligent... but I won’t bore you with my romantic nonsense. The point is, I’m not dating anyone at the moment. I’m focusing on our Ph.D., haha. I hope you’re doing well, and I look forward to your reply!

However, he was quite surprised when he read the signature that followed your name.

Yours sincerely…

Had you signed that way in response to the dedication in his letter? Something felt strange within him, and his chest warmed with an unfamiliar feeling.

For a moment, he wondered if there was any possibility that he could meet the expectations of the special person you described, and when he realized he was imagining himself with you in that kind of scenario, he felt embarrassed.

It was ridiculous to think about. You didn’t even know each other, and you lived miles away, you were just friends who had taken a school assignment too far.

Time passed, and the signatures grew more affectionate, more personal… just like the content of the letters. It got to the point where he couldn’t deny it anymore: he was in love.

Though after realizing it, he spent a long time wondering what he should do with that feeling. Weeks passed before he came to a decision.

Spencer was returning from Maine when he decided to finally write to you. He was sitting on the plane, with his notebook in front of him, and his mind as blank as the page.

“What are you struggling to write, Reid?” Emily asked, sitting beside him “You’ve been staring at that notebook for ten minutes without the pen touching the paper.”

“It’s nothing,” he murmured, trying to downplay it. He didn’t want to talk about it, not with Emily, not with anyone.

A couple of hours later, with a pile of crumpled-up drafts beside him, he finally managed to write something:

I can’t start this letter without first telling you how much I’ve come to value our correspondence. For over a year, our written conversations have become one of the most important constants in my life. Each week, I eagerly await your letters, and every one of them brings me a pause in the middle of my routine: a space of calm where our words connect in ways I never imagined possible. I’ve read and reread your letters so many times that, sometimes, I feel like I know them by heart. Even so, I always discover something new in your words: an idea that eluded me before, an emotion that makes more sense over time, or a reflection that sheds new light on my own experience. Although we’ve never met in person, I feel like I know you better than many people I speak to face-to-face. Is that strange? Maybe it is, but the truth is that there’s something about the depth of our conversations that transcends physical distance. All this time, I’ve tried to rationalize what you mean to me, but there are things that can’t be measured or analyzed logically, no matter how hard I try. What I want to tell you —and what has taken me so long to write—is that I’ve fallen in love with you. At first, I wasn’t sure what this feeling was. I thought it was just admiration or gratitude for the friendship we’ve cultivated, but with each letter, with each shared thought, I realized it was something deeper. I love you, not just for what you share with me, but for who you are. For the way you see the world, with such clarity and empathy. For your insatiable curiosity, for your unique way of finding beauty in the smallest details. I don’t want this confession to make you uncomfortable or push you away. I’ll understand if you don’t feel the same, and I’ll consider myself lucky just to have known you in this way. But I couldn’t go on without being honest with you. I hope that, whatever your response may be, we can remain the same two friends who have shared so much through these pages. With all my love, and praying to be able to be yours, Spencer.

He kept the written words as if they were a treasure, feeling his heart race every time he thought about that secret tucked away in an envelope on his desk. Unfortunately, that letter never saw the light of day, all because of his fear of losing who might have been the best friend he had ever had in his life.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #dr spencer reid #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid x you #flufftober 2024 #prompt list #writing challenge #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid drabble

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adeleidetheexplorer · 8 months ago

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ᰋ ׅ࣪ ꒰ pac reading ♡︎ your (first) next lover aura vibes they give off when they meet you ꒱

01. 02. 03.

they are someone who stole the sparkling color of sand and put them on their skin and hair. white shirt and demi jeans. they romanticize life and love. scars made out from the pain of their past ; trauma and insincere care. if perfection was a literal person, they totally are one of them. perfect symmetrical face, vivid and pleasantly youthful. everytime they passed by people gaze upon them, they have an unforgettable beauty. i will define them as perfect but they define you that word, you will rent free to their head. they won't forget you. you are dreams come true. it's not like nor lust but love. ‘‘what are we?’’ she said, he replied ‘‘we riding an airbus while we go to the most exciting parts’’. this is love at first sight that feels surreal, it's all started from a little spark prior to two soul's dancing on a flame but they aren't afraid from it blaze.

frustration is written on their face - lots of sadness and feel bad about their situation. they're afraid. they need someone to hold on into. they wonder if taking an advil or crying about their situation makes this painful event of their life to feel them better. you offer them a cup, they accepted and now they can't forget you. they can say to themselves ‘‘i'm glad i made it’’, ‘‘we don't know each other but i feel comfortable being with you’’. two souls and hearts praying to heaven to turn the tables arounf and now it's finally heard, they about to meet each other's sooner.

if most of author's favorite character is someone who is cool, intimidating, financially stable, tall and dark - they probably that one main character. they did something that makes themselves so proud, they're confident indeed. in a classy place, restaurant this two people meet. they actually have that veiny and big hands. they give off the energy of someone who use to go on a coffee shop and order their favorite drink and read a book. calm and relaxed. they help and cure people. they are helper. people loved them so much, people look high up on them. if i will add another description about them - they are cozy and intelligent. they have a lot of creative ways and they have a lot of aces cards to show. they will bring the light for you in the near future. a better and new pathways.

#pick a card #divination #pick a pile #tarot #spiritual #spirituality #tarotcommunity #witch #witchblr #periwinkle pacs

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icyg4l · 4 months ago

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PAC: September 2024 Predictions

Hello beautiful people! I am finally back and I feel wonderful! I hope you all do too! I am just getting settled into school and I feel very confident about what's to come! It has been a long time coming but I feel ready to launch into this new fall era! I hope you all are too! My booking site is officially open so I will link it here in order for you all to have access to it. I will be taking readings starting Friday. So without further ado, please select the photo that aligns with you and don't forget to tell your friends about me! I hope that you all enjoy!

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (1-4)

Pile One: You are in a bit of a pickle, I can tell. Just remember this: the choice is always yours. You can choose what reality you want to make yours. I am channeling the movie ‘Look Both Ways’ starring Lili Reinhart and Danny Ramirez. You will have difficulties coming to a decision. Watching this movie can help with your indecision quite a bit. It also feels as though you need to cut certain things out. I am especially picking up on overspending and overeating. You also need to cut down on screen time and any other distractions that may be capturing your attention. For those of you that are attracted to men, you should stop hooking up with them. A potential pregnancy/STD scare could occur. Overall, it seems that you should be working on improving your health. Virgo energy is significant. By the end of October, you should see the results that you want to see. I am also channeling the movie ‘The Princess Diaries’ starring Anne Hathaway. You are on the brink of transformation. There is a reason why your body is not digesting foods properly at this time. There is a reason why you feel out of place at the moment socially. Your body is rejecting your current environment because you are being prepared for a new one. You may meet someone who you aspire to be like. They will help you get aligned with your goals (personal, career, financial, etc). Do not be afraid to use your connections. Networking will be helpful for you to do. Remember, a closed mouth never gets fed and plan accordingly for your upcoming journey. You know what to do.

Cards Used: Page of Swords, 7 of Cups, 2 of Discs, The Hanged Man, Queen of Swords, 9 of Swords, The Magician, The Chariot, Princess of Discs

extras: cutting out certain foods. resisting temptation. random dancing. struggling with internalized fatphobia/homophobia. halloween costume. myriad.

PIle Two: I feel like this pile works with older women or have the tendency to surround themselves with older women. Perhaps, you get along with them better? You are wise beyond your years. Seeking knowledge from them about a situation that deeply concerns you will not hurt. This month will be all about retribution. Some of you want to learn more about casting spells. Others of you could be trying to seek justice in the courts. Some of you want to perform street justice. However, you should weigh out the pros and cons. Does your idea of punishment match the actions of the person that has harmed you? This is exactly why you will need to reach out to someone older than you. This month, you may be spending more time with a mother figure especially if she is sick. During this time, you may find that your support system isn’t as supportive as you thought they were. It’s time to cut them loose. Also, if you’ve been lurking on their page hoping for an apology, you will not get it. It is best that you move forward so that you do not go crazy. Be prepared to take extra precautions this month so that you don’t get sick. Hydrate and moisturize. Take Vitamin C. Go for a light jog or a walk after you eat so that you can avoid throwing up. Also, you should go out to the city more often to admire the sights. Lastly, some of you will be getting pulled over by the police this month. I also heard “search warrant”. If you’re doing something that is questionable, nothing will be found. If you just get pulled over, you will be free to go. I suggest paying off any parking tickets like now though, just to be safe.

Cards Used: The Empress, 10 of Cups, The Moon, The Hermit, 6 of Discs, 8 of Cups, Princess of Swords, 6 of Cups, 4 of Discs

extras: fast track. appreciation day. MLK boulevard. sweet sixteen. i declare thumb war. swear jar. every kiss begins with kay. beauty queen. travesty. marshawn lynch. salty cravings. that time of the month.

Pile Three: Smiling through the pain, huh, lovely? You might not understand the significance of what you’re going through right now but you will get it later. For those of you who are in on/off again situations/romantic relationships in general, you need to know that communication is key! It’s so cliche to say but knowing that you have someone to depend on when things get rough can be what grounds us. You need to trust that whatever you are going through, you will get through this; the both of you. For those of you that are single, you have to be open to the process of getting to know other people. You are about to be in a soulmate connection but in order for you to meet them, you have to let them in! There is a reason why you are meeting them now. They will serve their purpose. No time will be wasted here. You are a very logical/analytical person, but there is no reason why you should be locking yourself in your room all the time. You need to be out with other humans. It’s a very good time for you to go out to clubs, restaurants, bars, clubs, jazz lounges, sip and paints, speakeasies, poetry slams, etc. Allow yourself to exist in the moment so that you don’t have to think about your problems. Be an escapist for once, and this brings me to my last point! You need to balance out your realism and your imagination. There is something that you have wanted since you were a child, but you are suppressing it. It could be wanting to try out a certain food, wanting to go to a different country, wanting to go to a specific artist’s concert, but you have been too busy to do so. You need to spoil yourself! Allow your inner child to be healed by actually listening to them. You can get your work done while also being fun! What’s the point in living if you don’t actually live, babe?

Cards Used: 6 of Cups, 3 of Cups, The Tower, The Lovers, The Star, The Hierophant, The Hanged Man, The Chariot, 8 of Pentacles

extras: kitchen salon. ass-kisser. por favor. typing up papers. graphs. mathematics major. public health/public relations/humanities major. sour candy.

Pile Four: There are so many opportunities for you to market yourself, Pile Four. If you’ve been trying to expand your market/business, there will be plenty of opportunities coming toward you. If you have been trying to get a fellowship/grant/scholarship/loan, there will be an opportunity that fits you perfectly. But before you get involved with anyone, be sure that you read any contracts fully before signing so that you do not get involved in anything you don’t want to. I feel like right now, you may be experiencing boredom or a “cool down” period. That is fine, but prepare yourself to actually get up and take action. You will not be sitting for much longer. If there is a situation where you are looking for the resolution to play out in your favor, it will. It could be a familial/friend fight. It could be someone admitting to their wrongdoings. It could be a simple miscommunication being resolved in person instead of over the phone. Make sure that you have all of your ducks in a row so that no one can call you out on being neglectful. I feel like this pile needs to spend more time with their family members as well, lol. September will be the month for you to do that especially if it’s Grandma’s birthday. If you wish to quit your job, don’t. It will set you up for the future. You could potentially meet a client or a business partner at your job, so don’t blow it off just yet. You could also connect with someone who you will look forward to seeing everyday as well very soon.

Cards Used: The Magician, 2 of Wands, 10 of Discs, Princess of Discs, 4 of Cups, Justice, Temperance, 8 of Wands, King of Cups, The Hermit.

extras: resistance. princess diana. dragonfruit. time tables. shifting gears. gta 6. pomegranate. pizza. oopsie daisy. thin veil. rising gas prices. california.

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babybatss-blog · 6 months ago

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CHAGRIN

Sirius black x reader, 850 words

Summary: After another fight, Sirius comes to you for support.

Cw: pre-developed relationship between Sirius and reader, Sirius is bleeding and has bruises. Kissing and alcohol consumption. Angst into comfort.

Some may call Sirius’ actions today a momentary lapse in judgement. Others may call it another predictable deed of his, just like many times before that couldn’t be contained and never will be. But you know better than that. You know that Sirius is truly a good person, someone who just doesn’t let others speak down on his loved ones with his unwavering loyalty. Are his clashes smart? No, of course not! But he does these things out of the goodness of his heart, not understanding the repercussions that they have and what other more successful methods there are to get out his anger.

It’s 10:18pm on a Friday when you are sitting in your dorm, alone. All of your friends went to a party out in the Ravenclaw common room, though after a long week you thought it would be better to stay in. Soft candlelight illuminates your room, the posters and rain flickering under it’s warm glow as you curl up on your bed, reading a captivating book. Even if your week hadn’t been rough you probably would’ve still found yourself alone tonight, as this book has been one of the best you’ve ever read. The plot twists, character development and world building truly transport you away, and you’ve been craving a good moment like this for a while.

Nonetheless, your euphoria is quickly ended by a knock at your door, which is strong and firm. If it was one of your friends it would’ve been softer, or they would’ve just called out as they unlocked the door themselves. So, who could it be? You get up out of bed and quickly walk over, opening the door to see… Sirius.

He seems awful. Theres blood on his lip and his eyebrow is puffy, a bruise clearly forming. “Sirius?!” You exclaim, confusion overriding your previously calm demeanour. Without hesitation you pull him inside by his hand, which he obediently follows until he collapses onto your bed. Usually in a situation like this he would be defending himself profusely, not letting you get a word of denotation in as he knows you hate when he gets in trouble like this. Sirius merely sits there as you quickly walk out of the room to the bathroom, grabbing a hand towel and running it under warm water.

Once you return he looks up at you, a sad look in his gorgeous eyes that makes your heart melt. “Sorry.” He mumbles. Well that’s unlike him. You sweetly smile at him and kneel in between his legs, his cold hands firmly holding your waist as a simple symbol of his affection. No matter what is going on Sirius cannot keep his hands off you, physical affection being his main form of love. “So, what happened?” You ask, not wasting a moment to clean the wounds on his beautiful face with the warm towel. He hisses at the sensation, yet responds anyways. “Lucius. He was making fun of Frank again, and I don’t know what came over me but it just… Enraged me. The poor guy was just minding his business, but that stupid Malfoy couldn’t help himself. Blabbering on about him being a loser or something.” As he says this, you can feel the anger building up in him already. His grip on you tightens and his brow furrows, quivering slightly under the sensation of the towel. In a disposition to him you merely smile, leaning in to kiss his nose. “Your so sweet. I’m sure Frank appreciated it, but you know that’s what you should do.”

“I know. Except I didn’t even throw the first punch! James Punched Barty first, and Lucius flung my wand out of my hand so I had no choice but to swing! Otherwise, he would’ve gone and-“ Your pointer finger presses against his mouth, stopping his divulgence before he goes on more. “Enough Siri. No excuses, we don’t need them here.” Although he doesn’t necessarily agree with you, Sirius keeps his mouth shut when you take your finger back.

“I’m sorry Darling.” He mumbles. If there’s anything you’ve taught him from the time you’ve spent together its that violence isn’t the best policy, and even if he doesn’t agree it pains him more than any bruise or cut to betray you. And when your hand with the towel drops and is replaced with one on his cheek he melts, understanding the words behind your silent gesture. You understand his actions, resolute in protecting what he finds important through a simple means that doesn’t take complicated words. You lean in for your soft lips to collide, tasting the alcohol on his breath and the blood on his lips. You’re a better medicine to him than any spell or liquid, invigorating him from the outside in.

As his hands explore your body once more the night dissolves away, safe in each other’s touch and far far way from any stupid bullying Slytherins, and issues of the real world.

#sirius black x reader #marauders #hp marauders #marauders x reader #sirius black #sirius orion black #the marauders #sirius x reader #sirius black fluff #sirius black angst #babybatss blog

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trapastrology · 8 months ago

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Astro Notes

Squares In Synastry - doesn't always mean a breakup or incompatibility. However, it can make or break the relationship. It's something that you'll let break the connection or something that will make the bond stronger if worked upon. It can also equate to having the same end goal but having different ways of doing it. Feeling the same way yet having different ways of expressing it.

In 12H synastry, a common question asked is who's the giver & who's the receiver. House is Receiver, Planet is Giver. I have 2 Chapters dedicated to speaking about this is my e-book "written in the cosmos-the complete ins and outs of 12H synastry" Dm to purchase.

Hairstyles that coincide with your 10H sign will always look the best on you. 10H Leo-Natural hair opposed to weaves/wigs. Big Hair over defined & super sleek

Moon-Pluto, esp harsh aspects, must look to the house their Moon is in to release the emotional buildup instead of releasing it thru the plutonian end. Ex- 5H Aries Moon Sq 2H Pluto, Enaging in a creative hobby (5H) alone (aries) is a better way to release my emotional buildup (moon) opposed to Spending frivolously/accumulating things/destroying my self worth (2H)

in 12H Synastry, as the planet person that planets energy gets brought out more in this synastry. Merc here becomes more talkative, telling the house person things they've never told anyone before.

Pisces NN-help ppl who can't help themselves/completely lost & don't know where to start opposed to pushing your help on to ppl who don't want nor need your help & ppl who don't want to help themselves. Learn forgiveness for the right ppl. You are stricter with the ppl who did something wrong and have genuinely changed opposed to someone who said they were sorry & continued to do the same thing.

Venus trine NN-learn to accept and love someone unconditionally.

Your 2H ruler is a key to achieve better income. 2H ruler in the 1H, YOU! Money comes easily to you when you need it. Being an influencer or a career where your face, appearance & personality is a big part of your income is beneficial.

4H NN-you need to be more focused on family, emotions, love life, personal life vs career. When all of those things are in order, your business/career will reflect it

I offer reading on all the following topics in case you'd like to book with me!

#synastry #astro notes #astro observations #astro community #astrologer #birth chart #12th house #ebook #astrology #profection years #north node #venus in the 12th house synastry #astrology notes #astro posts #8th house

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reallyromealone · 6 months ago

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Title: healer

Fandom: naruto

Characters: akatsuki

Fic type: omegaverse

Pairings:

Warnings: male reader, reader insert, omegaverse, readers smart

Notes:

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

(Name) Hummed quietly to themselves while carefully wrapping gauze around the alphas midsection that they had just stitched up. Handing was a cleaned akatsuki uniform, stitched and sewn back up like new, (name) didn't really know what the uniform symbolised but it was clearly important and they wouldn't want the unconscious man to worry about it.

(Name) Lived alone in these woods, the ability to heal the worst of wounds and this one was no different.

"No clue what fight you got yourself into but you sure made it out barely...." (Name) Joked to the unconscious person while finishing up 'no clue when they will wake up.... Should probably make dinner...' (name) thought while going to their small kitchen to make a meal, enough for two people... Just in case.

Itachi woke to the smell of an Omega and stew, sitting up with a groan and looking to see he was bandaged up... Quite well actually.

"Don't sit up too fast! You could pop a stitch!" A voice called from the other room and Itachi looked for his belongings to find them neatly beside him and his coat hung and fixed. An Omega walked into the room with a tray, a bowl and a glass filled with what was assumed to be juice "you were out for a while! Didn't know when you would wake up.." (name) chuckled nervously while setting the tray on the coffee table "how do you feel? You were pretty messed up ... My healing could only do so much so I had to do the rest manually"

Itachi just stared at the other who smiled happily before a look of realization crossed them 'must realize who I am affiliated wi--' "I forgot to introduce myself! I'm (name)!" The Omega bowed slightly before looking up sheepishly, Itachi sat there stunned before getting up "thank you for your assistance" he said simply while grabbing his belongings, (name) looking concerned "do you have anyone to call? I have a telephone..." It was an old one, nothing like the the newer cell phones but it did it's job!

"That won't be needed"

"Well... Here! Take this!" (Name) Rushed out into the kitchen and returned with origini, wrapped and all cute "I keep these on hand for snacks... Please keep safe"

Why was this Omega so kind? To someone they didn't know?

Itachi didn't know what to make of it but decided to just leave, rice ball in hand.

"This is real good! Where did ya get this?" Deidara asked while finishing the rice ball, Itachi resting with a sigh "some Omega who healed me" he grumbled and hidan raised an eyebrow "an Omega did that? What some high ranking ninja?"

"No, just some Omega in the woods"

"Whoever that Omega was, they have healing abilities like nothing I ever seen..." The older man said simply while glancing at the others exposed stitches, he saw how fucked up the other alpha looked, that omega was powerful.

"Hm?" (Name) Was reading some books they got from town a a couple kilometers from the woods they resided in when a knock at the door pulled them out from their world of imagination. Walking to the door, they weren't expecting to see that alpha again or others dressed like him "oh you're back! You forget anything?" (Name) Asked curiously and glanced at their mid section "you left before I could give you cream to help... Hopefully it healed nicely!"

"This is the Omega that healed you? This is them?" Deidara laughed in disbelief while (name) looked confused, a large group of alphas coming and just laughing, then konan felt it...

The omegas Chakra.

"We require your assistance, one of our members is gravely injured" she lied, (name) looking concerned "sure! Let me get my bag!" The alphas stepped in while (name) went to their room to go grab their belongings.

But (name) knew better than to trust a large group of alphas even if they were incredibly attractive.

So they used what they were taught by their grandpa and slipped out, a secret door in their closet.

'nope, not today' (name) thought while they sneaked away.

Knowing a few Jitsu really helped in a punch....

#naruto x reader #akatsuki x reader #gender neutral reader #gn reader #Naruto x gn reader #naruto shippuden x reader #x reader

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crazyunsexycool · 1 year ago

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Between the pages of a journal

Pairing: Stucky x 40s!Reader

Summary: You had been in a relationship with Steve and Bucky up until the time they went off to war only to lose them both. Years later when Steve and Bucky have reunited the receive the letters and journals you had written. Through them they learn about your life without them.

word count: 6.0k

Warnings: character death, the blip/snap, implied domestic violence, major angst, some fluff... let me know if I forgot something.

A/N: Not really sure how I feel about the ending but over all I loved writing this and I hope you like it too.

Steve stood with a bouquet of your favorite flowers in his hands as he looked down at the slightly dirty headstone. One that sat towards the back of the small cemetery with your name on it. His fingers trace over your name after placing the flowers down. The date of your death mocks him. It was the day he woke up. The day that he had come back to life was the day yours had ended. In fact the difference had only been a few hours from the time that you closed your eyes for the last time and the time he opened his.

On good days Steve was grateful for that. You didn’t have to watch him walk back into your life looking as he did all those years ago while you were stuck in a bed, withering away. Wishing you had been able to live the life they had both promised you. On bad days he hated he didn’t get to say goodbye. But he had already been through the process of seeing someone he loved die when Bucky fell off the train. He wasn’t sure he would be able to do that with you. It had been you who begged him not to go. The fear in your eyes when Bucky got his orders still haunts him and it doubled when he told you he had been accepted. Now all that Steve has is the headstone with your name on it to grieve for both of his greatest loves. And he did it often.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope.

Something Steve hadn’t felt in a long time. It bloomed in his chest the longer he looked at his long lost love. But just as quickly it faded.

“Bucky?” Steve stood in the middle of the street. Chaos erupting all around as he looked at the brunette with confusion and concern.

“Who the hell is Bucky?”

Just as quickly as he was there, Bucky was gone. Steve tried to look for him but there was no use. He had been arrested along with Nat and Sam.

If there was one single word to describe Steve Rogers at the moment it would be determined. As much as it hurt that his oldest friend and lover didn’t recognize him. Steve knew he had to save Bucky. If not for him than for you. It was one of the promises he made to you the morning he left. He would keep Bucky safe and they would come back home to you. At least now he could keep half of the promise.

The next time Steve would see Bucky it would be in a helicarrier. Blow by blow Steve tried to remind Bucky of who he was, what they meant to each other. In the end Bucky walked away after saving Steve. Still it was better knowing he was out and free than knowing that he was still under hydra’s control.

It would take some time but eventually Steve would find Bucky once again. With time and help, Bucky was free of hydra’s control and they slowly rebuilt their relationship. Soon Bucky began to remember you as well.

Now Steve didn’t feel so lost or so alone. The ache of loss was still there but it was made easier when he was able to turn in bed and find Bucky asleep next to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were many things Bucky and Steve needed to adjust to in the modern times they were now living in. Being able to love each other without fear of being persecuted was a liberating experience. So they found themselves walking hand in hand on a beautiful Saturday afternoon through a small park in Brooklyn. The same park that the three of you frequented when you didn’t have anywhere else to go.

You always packed a picnic and your journal, Bucky always had a new book to read out loud and Steve always had his sketchbook and pencils. There was one specific tree the three of you preferred to sit under. It was close to a small pond with the best shade and it was surrounded by bushes which afforded you the privacy the three of you craved.

While to the outside world it looked like you were being chaperoned by Steve while on a date with Bucky, the reality was that you were dating them both. This little corner of the park allowed the three of you to be free to love, touch and kiss each other as you wished.

It was this tree that provided cover for the three of you so long ago that Steve and Bucky came to look for now. Where Bucky carved your initials in the trunk within a heart. They hoped the tree was still there and they were gladly surprised that it was, initials included. The only difference though was the fact that there was a wrought iron bench in the once cleared space. Steve and Bucky make their way over.

“Y/N, would have loved to have a bench here.” Steve commented as he sat down.

Bucky hummed in agreement as he inspected the small plaque screwed into the armrest.

“Steve, look at this.”

The blond leans over to look at the inscription. His breath catches in his throat.

‘Til the end of the line.

A couple of tears hit the small plaque. Steve’s chin rests on Bucky’s shoulder and his arm wraps around the latter’s waist. They both just take a moment to look at it and appreciate that you had taken time and money to have this placed here in their honor. It felt like fate mocked them now that it was them that used this bench to remember you. For the remainder of their time in that park Steve and Bucky talk about their past, especially about you.

“Remember when she chased Tommy Phillips down the street with a broom?” Steve chuckled but it took Bucky a moment before he smiled.

“He kept following her home, right? Always tried to ask her out whenever we weren’t there to walk with her.”

“She ran right by me and only stopped because that cop was on the corner.”

Their smiles fade after a moment.

“I wish she were here. She would definitely love all this shit.” Bucky said as he waved his hand around vaguely.

Steve moved closer and gave Bucky a quick chaste kiss on the cheek before resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder. The blond took a deep breath before looking up at his love through his lashes.

“It’s rude to stare.”

“Well it’s not my fault you’re handsome.” Steve’s compliment makes Bucky blush.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

“What is it?”

“I think it’s time we go see her. I know she’ll want to see you.”

Bucky looked up at him with a pained expression.

“What if she hates me?”

“She would never. She’s called me everyday since she heard you were alive.”

“Ok, we’ll go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure I look ok?” Bucky asked as the couple stood in front of a door waiting for someone to answer their knocks.

“You look great baby, and trust me she’ll just be happy to see you.”

Steve had cupped Bucky’s face with his hands and leaned in to give him a kiss.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

They parted at the voice.

“Hey, watch your mouth.”

“I can say the same about you James.”

A staring contest happened until Bucky looked down.

“I’ve missed you, Becca.” Bucky said as he looked at his younger yet older sister. She was shorter and her hair was fully gray. The wrinkles were evidence of the time that had passed but the mischievous glint in her eyes told a different story.

She opened her arms and her brother gladly accepted the embrace.

It had been a shock to Bucky to learn that he had one living relative. Well one living sister, he of course knew of the kids all three of his sisters had but he couldn’t seek them out. Mostly for safety but truly he kept his distance because of his guilt. Who would want someone like him in their family?

When they finally pull away from each other in a hug that felt that lasted years and seconds at the same time, Becca cupped Bucky’s cheek softly. Her thumb moved back and forth on his cheek as he leaned into her touch. This time her eyes were full of tears and relief.

“I’ve missed you too. Now come in, we have so much to talk about.” She had grabbed Bucky’s hand like she did when she was younger and they had to cross the street.

They made their way into Becca’s cozy living room and sat down. Steve took the armchair while Bucky and Becca sat together on the couch. The latter started telling both of them everything they missed after they had disappeared, from meeting her late husband to her children and grandchildren. There were tears and laughs exchanged.

“I think we should head out Becs. But I’ll come by again soon.” Bucky promised as they all got up and headed towards the door.

“You’re both welcome anytime.”

They stop at the door, Bucky and then Steve hug Becca. Before the door is opened Becca speaks up again.

“Oh I can’t believe I almost forgot. I have something for you.” Becca shuffled along into the hallway and opened a door to a closet. “I’ll need your help Buck.”

He walks up behind her and she points towards two boxes high up on a shelf. Bucky pulls the first one down and hands it over to Steve before grabbing the second one.

“What’s in here?” Steve asks, his curiosity piqued.

“Letters and journals. They all belonged to Y/N. She wrote the letters whenever she missed you and you know she wrote in her journals all the time.”

Bucky and Steve looked at each other and then back at Becca.

“Why did you keep them?”

“Because she asked me too. The day she passed, I was with her and she asked me if I could hold on to them. Maybe someone would want to know about the love she had for both of you. It broke my heart when it was announced you were back.” She turned to Steve. “She would have loved to see you one last time.”

“What happened to her?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t ask earlier.”

“We never stop thinking about her but it hurts to know she isn’t here anymore.” Steve says with a sad smile.

“When we were informed that you were both gone she was a wreck. Ma forced her to move in with us so that we could be there for her. She would stay up in your room for hours just writing. We could hear Y/N crying for hours on end. This was just her way of coping.”

Both men thanked her again and they were gone. On their way to their shared apartment in Brooklyn they didn’t really talk, each of them holding a box under their arm. It was heavier than anything they’ve carried in the past. It was all that was left of you.

They didn’t know it yet but their heart would break with every single letter or entry of your journal they read.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

March 10th, 1945

My love,

I received your letter last night. I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone. You know Bucky wouldn’t blame you, and neither do I. But please, if not for yourself than for me, take care of yourself. I don’t care that you have that serum, don't do anything reckless. We’ve already lost Bucky, I don’t know if I’d be able to live knowing I lost you too.

I know you think the Barnes’ hate you but they don’t, they’re just as worried about you as they were about their son. They know how much we love Bucky and they can’t wait for you to come back home.

I love you so much. I can’t wait to see you again.

Love,

Y/N

P.S. I’m with you til the end of the line.

Steve tried and failed to swallow the lump in his throat, the tears won as they slowly trailed down his cheek and onto the aged paper. It was a response to the letter he had sent you, telling you about Bucky’s death. He felt so much guilt then, still did from time to time. Once Bucky was free of hydra’s hold he reassured Steve he wasn’t to blame.

Steve was sure you’d blame him too. But the return to sender stamp with the date on the envelope the letter had gotten to him too late. It was just a day after he had crashed the plane into the ocean. Now decades later you gave him peace. Somehow he felt that it wasn’t fair.

That night Bucky held Steve close. Placing soft kisses on his cheek and whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Normally when they didn’t have missions or early training both men loved to stay in bed, pretend the time they were living in wasn’t real, that you’d walk in through the door at any moment and take your place in between them. That your lips would search for theirs and your hands would roam their bodies as gently but demanding as they did before.

This time when Steve woke up the spot next to him was empty. He got up and walked toward the living room, the closer he got the more he could hear small sobs and sniffles. When he rounded the corner he found Bucky sitting in the middle of the room. Letters and journals sat open around him. Bucky was currently reading a journal and when he heard Steve’s footsteps he looked up. His eyes were rimmed red, it was obvious he had been there a while.

“What are you reading?”

“Nothing.” Bucky held the notebook close to his chest.

“If it’s nothing then I should be able to read it too.”

Bucky shook his head as his grip on the journal tightened. He averted his eyes when Steve sat beside him and held his hand out. Reluctantly the brunette moved to hand the notebook over but stopped.

“You have to remember she was grieving when she wrote it.”

May 3rd, 1945

What did I do to deserve this? We were supposed to be planning the rest of our lives. Now I have to plan two funerals. The only thing in those matching empty coffins was my heart.

What am I supposed to do now? Everything I had planned was with Steve and Bucky.

I hate not knowing what comes next and I hate them for making me love them. How could they do this to me? How could they leave me alone?

Steve put the journal down and sighed. He remembers going to the cemetery and finding the headstone that was being removed with his name on it, the one to his left was Bucky’s. He’d never allowed himself to put too much thought into what that must have been like for you. Mostly because he would break his own heart thinking about you mourning them alone. He knew it wasn’t fair and there was nothing that he could do to make it right.

After that day they became obsessed with your writing. There were years worth of it but they decided to pace themselves. Instead of sitting down and reading for hours they instead decided to read one letter and one journal entry a day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

July 4th, 1945

Dear Stevie,

Happy birthday my Love. I miss you so much but I find some comfort in knowing that at least you and Bucky are together somewhere, hopefully looking down on me. I went to the park today for the first time since you both went off to war. It’s not the same without you here but it was a beautiful day, you would have liked it.

I signed up for an art class and it went as well as you would expect. Everything at my station, except the canvas had paint on it. Even my dress. But I think you’d be proud that I went for it. The little painting I managed to make is hanging up in the living room next to yours. If only we had convinced Bucky to paint something I would have a perfect set.

I’ll never stop loving either of you.

Y/N

P.S. I’m with you til the end of the line.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Through missions and long days of training recruits, both men carried some of your writing with them. As time went by they noticed your shift from grieving to trying to survive. It was a journey for them reading your struggles in your everyday life. Steve and Bucky would be lying if they said they didn’t have a favorite letter or journal entry. There were some that reminded them of the happy young woman they had fallen for. Those were the ones they carried with them.

****

Bucky had been through a difficult mission. He had been confronted by his past again and he was putting his walls up as he sat away from the rest of the team on the jet. Some of the others tried to talk to him but he just kept quiet and his eyes fixated on the wall ahead of him. Sam quietly walked up to him and placed an envelope on the seat next to him and walked away. That caught Bucky’s attention and he turned to see his name in your handwriting. He picked it up and opened the envelope as carefully as he could until he was able to retrieve the piece of paper out.

August 25th, 1946

Dear Jamie,

I took the girls to Coney Island today. I know they wished you could have been here with us. Becca and Elizabeth finally convinced Mary to get on the cyclone. It reminded me of when you made Stevie go on and he threw up afterward.

They had a great time. Maybe next time I’ll try to win something for them at one of those game booths but I’m not as good at them as you.

It was nice to be with them. They’ve grown so much in such a short time. You’d be so proud at how well they’re doing. Elizabeth has started reading all of your books and Mary is starting to like science more. But Becca looks the most like you and she’s taking the role of protective big sister very seriously (wonder where she got that from?). I promise to keep an eye on them since they like getting into trouble from time to time.

I love you so much,

Y/N

P.S. I’m with you til the end of the line.

Bucky smiled as he imagined poor little Mary on the Cyclone. Then his smile got slightly bigger as he recalled the day you had mentioned. You had been so mad at him for making Steve get on. But it didn’t take much to get on your good side again.

Bucky finally looked back up, his eyes meeting Sam’s. He nodded in a silent thanks to his teammate.

It was no secret amongst the Avengers that both men had been in love and dated the same woman at the same time. No one really said anything, except the occasional joke from Tony. Sam and Nat took it upon themselves to ask them questions about you, especially when they seemed to be having a hard time at work. At the mention of your name they could see how the super soldier’s demeanor would instantly change.

Their shoulders would drop, a small smile would appear on their lips but it was the sense of longing Nat and Sam saw in their eyes that really let them know you meant more to them than being just some girl from their past.

~~~~~~~~

They had been more than halfway through your journals and letters when they finally found another interesting entry. There was both a sense of relief and a bit of jealousy as they read it.

June 18th, 1950

I’ve met someone. I’m still not sure how I feel about it but he asked me out on a date. Johnny Richards is his name and he seems kind. Becca has tried to make me say yes that Bucky would want me to move on but I’m not so sure he would, ha! He’d probably pout and cross his arms over his chest and give me his puppy dog eyes to convince me to not go out with him.

Steve looked up to find Bucky sitting exactly how you had described him and he smiled.

I think I’m going to say yes though. He’ll never be Steve or Bucky but I think I deserve to find some type of happiness. We’ll just have to see how the first date goes.

They read the rest of that journal quickly. Your entries talked about how your dates with Johnny were going but mostly they compared him to them. Steve and Bucky weren’t even sure you realized that you were even doing it. With everything Johnny would do for you, you would write down how Steve and Bucky would have done it instead. They found it odd however that the journal was left incomplete. It prompted them to start looking through both boxes again only to come up empty handed. The one thing they did realize was that journal entries picked up in a new notebook with the year 1952.

“That’s almost two years missing.” Bucky finally said after rechecking everything. A sinking feeling in his chest the longer they searched only to find nothing.

“We can ask Becca tomorrow. We should get some rest.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning both men head over to Becca’s home hoping to get some answers. However when she opens the door she isn’t surprised to see them. She dreaded the conversation she was going to have with them but she still ushered Steve and Bucky into her living room.

“What happened to Y/N between mid 1950 and 1952?” Bucky asked, not bothering to sit down. He feared he already knew the answer.

Becca sighed as she reached into the pocket of her robe and produced another letter. She held it out for Bucky to grab. “You should sit.” Is all she said.

December 24th, 1951

Mr. Barnes

Please help me. He keeps hurting me and I don’t think I’ll survive the next time.

Y/N

The writing was sloppy and in the corner there was a faded brown spot. Through tear filled eyes Bucky looked at it closer.

“Is this blood? Becca, is this her blood?” He looked up at his sister with rage and a pain in his chest nothing would ever be able to get rid of.

Bucky and Steve had sacrificed their life only for them to find out that their girl had been hurt and they weren’t there to protect her. They hated themselves. Steve more than Bucky because Bucky had been drafted, he didn’t have much of a choice but Steve? Steve had done everything he could to get into the army. He left you alone and for what?

“When daddy read that letter he was enraged. Called up some old army buddies and they handled it. But Y/N, she was broken in more ways than one. When they got to the house he had beaten her so badly she could barely move. She was in the hospital throughout the new year. When she was released we brought her home again. Then she never left. Y/N took care of Ma and daddy ‘til the day they died.”

Steve was fully sobbing now. No matter what he would have done, one of the people he loved would end up hurt. If he hadn’t signed up for the experiment with Erskine, you wouldn’t have been hurt like this but Bucky would still be in with hydra.

“You can’t blame yourselves.” Becca sighs. “If she could see you now, see that you’re alive and together, that you saved Bucky from those monsters she would be so happy.”

“She suffered the rest of her life because of us. Was she ever truly happy after this?”

Becca looked away from her brother with a small frown on her face. That was all the confirmation they needed to know that you had never found happiness again. They left without another word to Becca or each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve and Bucky didn’t speak for a while. Anger rolled off of them in droves. The issue was that neither of them knew who that anger was directed at. Was it at themselves or each other? The war, the draft, the serum, or the son of a bitch who dared put his hands on you.

Their relationship suffered, missions almost failed, they were more reckless than usual and it went on like that for weeks. There was no lecture from anyone on the team that could make them see that what they were doing would get them or their teammates killed.

Steve and Bucky had one moment. A single moment when they realized that they weren’t to blame. They apologized and forgave each other for being cold and distant. It’s not what you would have wanted. Just as they were getting back on track Thanos happened and Steve lost Bucky all over again.

~~~~~~~~~~

5 years later

The team had one chance and they took it. They defeated Thanos. Now Steve has another. He checks himself over again and smoothes out his hair. The day was beautiful just how you said in your letter. Everyone was already celebrating the 4th of July. But as Steve stepped out of the alleyway all he could think about was the conversation he’d he’d with Bucky before he left on his mission to return the stones.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I come back.” Steve said with a smirk.

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” Bucky replied as he brought Steve in for a hug.

Steve pulls back slightly only to connect his lips with Bucky’s.

“Make sure you find her and make her happy. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be alright.”

“Don’t worry Buck. Everything will be alright.” Steve smiles before heading up to the platform.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Bucky.” With that final word Steve disappears.

Now here he was just a block away from the park he’d frequented when you were all together. All of the stones were back in place all he needed to do was find you. And that he did. You were sitting on the bench here and Bucky frequented. All of your attention was on the letter you were writing. Steve could recite it from memory now.

He took a moment to admire your form. You were wearing his favorite dress. The one he bought for your birthday right before he left for the war. Your hair was pinned back the way you loved. Steve smiled, you were more beautiful than he remembered. He finally gathered the courage to step up to you and hoped that this would go well.

“Is this seat taken?”

“Yes it is.” You respond without even looking up.

“Are you sure I can’t have a seat kitten?”

Your head snapped up in the direction of the intruder. His voice had been familiar to you but it couldn’t be who you thought it was. His eyes were so familiar to you but it wasn’t possible because the owner of those beautiful ocean blue eyes had died. Still the sense of familiarity made the ache in your chest lessen and the same of your lover slip from your lips.

“Steve?”

“Hi sweetheart.” He said as he sat down next to you.

With hesitant movement you brought your hand up to his cheek. Steve closed his eyes and leaned into your touch.

“Am I dead?”

The question made Steve chuckle. “You’re not dead, kitten, I’m really here.”

The answer made you start to sob uncontrollably and your tears made Steve tear up. He pulls you into a hug and tries to soothe you as best as he can. After some time you finally pull away and look at him. Steve kisses your forehead, then your cheeks and finally presses a long awaited sweet kiss to your lips.

“How is this possible?” You say in between hiccuped breaths. “You died. You-your friend Howard, he showed up and told me everything.”

Steve takes a deep breath and explains everything from waking up in the future to traveling back in time only leaving out the part about Bucky.

“So are you staying?” You look up at him through your still wet lashes.

“I can’t stay-“

You pulled away from him and stood up. Heartbreak and anger rolled through you.

“Why would you come to see me if you’re leaving again? This is so cruel. Do you know how much I’ve cried for you? Since the moment you left to become a lab rat. It wasn’t fair then and it’s not fair now.”

“Hey,” Steve stands and cups your face. “I would never leave you again. I came to get you, if you’d like to come with me.” He pulls out a watch from his pocket.

“What about the Barnes family? I can’t just leave them too.”

“I think they’d be happier knowing you’re with me and Bucky.”

A small gasp escapes your lips as you look from the watch to Steve who’s smiling.

“Bucky? How is that possible?”

“It’s his story to tell.”

“He’s not dead?”

“Nope. He does think that I left him to stay here with you though. But I think we deserve to be together again. So what do you say?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The platform comes to life again a minute after Steve had left. To Bucky’s surprise and slight disappointment Nat appears. He disguises his heartbreak behind a smile as Nat walks down and hugs Sam and then him.

“Glad to have you back.” He whispers into her ear.

“Glad to be back.”

“Come on, I’ll buy you a beer and tell you everything you missed.”

“Buck, aren't you going to wait for Steve to come back?” Sam stopped him.

“Nah, I’m going to grab a drink with a friend. You can come if you want.”

“You’re a jerk, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told. Now let’s go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky got home late. He had been trying to avoid the emptiness. Not only in the home he used to share with Steve but the empty feeling in his chest. It was the punishment he deserved or so Bucky thought. To live the rest of his life alone with only the thought of your and Steve’s happiness. He could make due with that.

Bucky sets his keys in the bowl by the door and takes off his jacket. His thoughts were elsewhere so he didn’t immediately pick up on the fact that he wasn’t alone. Still, he was quick and he pulled the gun he always had on him out.

“You can put the gun down, Buck.” Steve stepped out from the darkened office door. The streetlights filtering through the windows provide the only source of light.

“Steve? What are you doing back?”

“Did you really think I’d leave you alone?”

“But what about Y/N?”

“She agreed with me.” Steve smirks.

“What are you-“ Bucky’s words die on his as you step out from behind Steve. “Y/N.” He said your name as if it was the most precious thing in the world.

Bucky’s steps were slow and heavy, as if the world itself sat on his shoulders. You met him halfway way with arms wide open. Bucky fell at your feet, his arms settling around your hips and his head resting against your stomach.

“Oh honey.” Your body shook as Bucky cried against you. All you could do was run your fingers through his hair. “It’s ok. We’re together again baby.”

You managed to get on the floor with Bucky and cup his face and press multiple kisses over his face.

“I missed you, doll.” Bucky says between kisses. It’s frantic and uncoordinated and desperate.

Steve joins you both on the floor wrapping his arms around each of you. There are more shared kisses amongst the three of you. Someone eventually gets up and pulls the other two along with them. The first night the three of you stay awake just talking and catching up. You tell them things that aren’t in your journals and they tell you about living in the present. Reluctantly Bucky tells you part of what happened with hydra. You can see the guilt in his eyes and all you can do is comfort him.

The sun is barely starting to rise when the three of you finally fall asleep in each other's arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you did wake up you were disoriented by the room you were in until you remembered where you were. The bed was empty but even back in the past both boys were early risers. You fixed your hair and changed before walking out to find Steve and Bucky. As you neared the living room you heard more than two voices talking animatedly.

“You still haven’t told us what took you so long.” A man said as you got closer.

Steve opens his mouth to answer but his whole face lights up when you turn the corner and stand at the entrance of the living room. The reaction caused Steve’s friends to turn around and look at you.

“I was picking someone up.” Steve says.

“Please tell me you’re Y/N.” The woman had asked and you smiled and nodded.

“Y/N, this is Nat and Sam.”

“I have so many questions. Especially about Bucky.” Sam said as he stood up.

Before he could even stretch his hand out to greet you properly Bucky came up from behind you and wrapped an arm around your waist and glared at Sam. He had flowers in his hand which he presented to you.

“Thank you honey.” You kissed his cheek before turning back to Sam.

“Let me put these in water and I’ll answer all your questions.”

Bucky groans as Sam gives him a shot eating grin. You chuckle and when you come back you move to sit down. Eventually Steve and Bucky sit on either of you as Sam and Nat ask you about what they were like back in the day.

With time this would become a routine until you met everyone on the team, including Howard’s son. They had questions and you had the answers. You were sure to include all kinds of stories, especially the embarrassing ones.

It hadn’t gone unnoticed how much more relaxed and happy Steve and Bucky had been. Bucky smiled more and was more open with others. Steve had handed over his shield to Sam and was starting to enjoy his free time. Bucky was still required to go on missions but it was ok. Whenever he came back from a mission you and Steve doted on Bucky. From having his favorite movie on or playing his favorite songs and dancing in the living room to cleaning him up and cuddling in bed. Life in modern times wasn’t always easy for you but fortunately Bucky and Steve were always there to help you.

You still wrote in your journal and on occasion letters for your loves for them to find. The entries were vastly different from what Steve and Bucky had first read. Your journals remained an ode to the love you had which transcended decades and heartbreaks and loss. Now they reflect your joy, love, hope and happiness. The love you had for each other grew with each passing day and you were able to build the home the three of you always dreamed of.

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vidavalor · 2 months ago

Note

Just on the back of your last post about how Aziraphale and Crowley have been a couple for (literal) ages, of which you have me thoroughly convinced, there's one thing I've never been able to figure out.

In 1941, when Crowley saves the books, what are we seeing from Aziraphale? By this point he knows damned 😉 well that Crowley adores him, so I very much doubt the 'this is when Aziraphale realised his love was returned' theory. Is it to do with their holy water fight?

Apologies if you've covered this already but I've read through your master post and most of your previous posts and couldn't find anything. I keep musing on it and thinking 'oh Vidavalor will know but I shouldn't bother them'!

Ground Control to Mr. Tom! 😊 Hi there. 💕 You are correct that I haven't done a post about this, which feels very much like my all-over-the-place blog, because this is one of the most-discussed scenes in the show. 😂 You are absolutely not a bother! Do not speak such silliness. I'm going to explain my take on that scene with some help from The Archangel Fucking Gabriel. Therefore, there is hot chocolate, should you want a mug.😊

This is also going to be my contribution to the Azirafeast celebrations so I wish any of you reading this many scrumptious returns!

Below the cut is the one in which someone who thinks Crowley and Aziraphale have been lovers since ancient Rome offers an opinion on what's going on with Aziraphale and the books in 1941... by way of a look at what we might be able to learn about this moment from its sister moment in Gabriel & Beez's flashback.

Be them real people or fictional ones, angels-- especially our two, main ones on Good Omens-- are not accustomed to feeling seen.

This is largely because they believe they exist to sacrifice themselves for the protection and betterment of others... that this is literally what they were made by God to do... or at least what they've been told God wants them to do... and, as we know, they've got plenty of questions over all of that.

They can often feel guilty about their consumption of resources-- or their curiosity about doing so in different ways-- when they've been told that those resources and the experiences that come with them are not for them, even if all evidence seems to suggest that might not really be the case.

They are told they are supposed to live small lives of sacrifice and are, as a result, full of conflicts about their hungers, their needs, their desires... about their love, and the want of a free life of their own.

They exhibit perfectionist behaviors, are full of self-criticism, and are excessively self-sacrificing.

Intellectually, they know they are a person with wants and needs like everyone else but they've been taught that they are supposed to be above all of that and breaking free of that abuse comes with negative self-thoughts, anxiety, depression, and a whole slew of other fun struggles.

That attempted thought control and oppression of people that is responsible for these angels' inner torment, though? As The Supreme Archangel aptly puts it while having a total breakdown shown by chasing his metaphorical self (The Fly) around the bookshop and trying to kill it with a Bible...

...it never works.

It might, unfortunately, get some people but it never, ultimately, works in society as a whole for very long because people want to live. People are made to live. They will seek out coffee over death and rebel against any society that seeks to oppress them in whatever way that they can. Eventually, angels who want to break free will find different ways of letting themselves be individuals on their own terms, even as they are still full of conflict about it, as we've seen Aziraphale and Gabriel do throughout the story.

They'll express themselves in different ways but with the same sense of desperation to have something of their own as a way of admitting that they are a person, too.

Maybe, one night, an angel will, say, allow himself to indulge his hungers by eating an entire ox... maybe in front of the demon he'd like to consume with just as much enthusiasm. Maybe those hungers become ones that, despite his inner conflicts that lead to periodic episodes of depression and fasting, this angel will allow himself to otherwise regularly satiate, and in which he finds enjoyment, nourishment, connection and peace, that he would not have otherwise found.

Maybe, on another night, a different angel will let himself slip away from Heaven and return having consumed resources for himself, in the form of a tailor-made suit that serves as proof to himself that he isn't just a symbol but an individual person in his own right. Maybe it gives him a connection to his body that also leads to him jogging and exploring more of the world. Maybe he allows himself the freedom of owning what he can of his own body and own appearance because control over these things have otherwise been taken from him in the process of denying his personhood and making him more of a symbol to be venerated.

While these are good examples of these two angels finding different but similar, healthy paths to recognizing themselves as people, it's one thing to recognize yourself but another thing for someone else to recognize you.

Angels are wonderful at taking care of everyone else but they sometimes have a blind spot when it comes to their own needs and safety. They are so busy taking care of everyone else that they are prone to making mistakes with their own care.

Such as this angel below being so pleased with an opportunity to contribute to the war effort that he missed that he'd accidentally let himself be recruited by the wrong side...

...and needing his partner to identify some Nazis and redirect some bombs to keep him from being discorporated...

...and such as this other angel below being pleased with his ability to show care towards his new partner...

...but also, as we can see by the expression in his reaction to Beez's suggestion above, so unused to being cared for that, even if he was intellectually aware of it, the aspect of partnership involving mutual care was so foreign to him that it threw him for a bit of a loop.

Sometimes, an angel will be going through a period of struggle when it comes to their interactions with the world. It's often times not even just the feeling that they should just be advisors more than active participants and that the world is not for them. They are, in these moments, just imposter syndrome run amok, and that robs them of pursuing that which makes them feel happy and fulfilled.

Loving an angel in this mode requires gentle, genuine, affirming care:

The imposter syndrome modes can strike at any time for angels but tend to do so especially when they've very recently tried to engage with the world in a big way and saw it backfire.

Like when they spend a lot of time trying to sort out their place in the world and regularly go back and forth between being so influential that they personally own and have developed an entire city neighborhood but also then have days when they don't want to open their own bookshop to the world.

Like when they are supposed to be an angel and nothing else but, if they could choose a vocation, they'd be doing card tricks and pulling rabbits out of hats at birthday parties for all of eternity, and they feel so massively guilty about it that they tell themselves that the magic shop is not a place for them.

But maybe never more than like when there is a war on... an absolutely massive, global war... the first atomic war, the war that could bring about Armageddon, for all the angel knows... and everyone in the human world is trying to do their bit as best they can and, one day, a young woman claiming to be British intelligence knocks on the door and says that they need the angel-- this particular angel and only him... this angel who sometimes feels like he doesn't always know how best to help but wants nothing more than to be good and do good and help others.

The Allied Forces needs Mr. Fell for an intelligence mission to help thwart the Nazis and work towards stopping the war. And what do they need from this angel, in particular?

They need his books.

Aziraphale collects books of all kinds but he has two major personal collections that are highlighted in the story. One is humorous and self-aware-- a collection of misprinted Bibles. Those are living proof of the fallacy of language and gospel-- of the bullshit of people. They are comforting to him in their existence, as they reinforce his sense that following what others say is the word of God is not really a better path than following his own moral compass. The Allied Forces don't need these books, though.

They need the other ones that Aziraphale has been collecting forever:

His books of prophecy.

This angel collects written works by humans that profess to be prophetic. He has original works of Nostradamus and Mother Shipton and many others. He has preserved them throughout centuries, keeping them safe in his care, even if the works are, largely, complete and utter balderdash. He has kept these books, nutty as they are, safe from damage and in existence, for years, just in the event that maybe these humans, in some way, really did have answers as to the future of the world in which the angel lives, too.

The one that he knows has been slated to be destroyed around 6,000 years from its inception-- a date that was approaching closer with each breath in 1941.

Was it really going to happen? Was there a way to stop it? Aziraphale has been trying to see if maybe the humans have found a way, studying their prophetic works for centuries upon centuries, anxiously looking for clues on how to stop Armageddon and save the world he loves...

...and also therefore be able, as a result, to stay on Earth with the person he loves and not be separated from him for eternity.

It's these books of this angel-- these beloved, material possessions; these perfect examples of everything that he's been told that he's not supposed to have-- that Captain Rose Montgomery of British Intelligence says that he can provide to entrap some Nazis and help save the world for his fellow humans and his partner.

An angel's biggest blind spot is always wanting to help and never feeling like they're doing enough. They're vulnerable to trusting the wrong people for the right reasons. Their desperation to do good and be good in the face of feeling like they're not a good person at all can cause them to have the best of intentions but be open to manipulation by those with the worst of ones.

Sometimes, it's a human Nazi. Sometimes, it's a supernatural one...

...same difference. Both dangerous. Both examples of an area where an angel might not survive if they don't let in a trusted person who can give to them the same love and care they give to everyone else.

The fallout from making a mistake can be devastating to an angel.

They feel embarrassed and snappish-- the anger and frustration related to the miscalculated situation triggering (and masking) the anxiety and depression to which angels are hardly strangers.

They can retreat into self-doubt. Moments of bravery when it comes to trying again are sometimes just as quickly diluted by their compounding insecurity and the fear that they are just jiggery-pokery and do not belong in the world.

This is when they need their demons the most.

Demons? They are fallen angels.

They know all this about angels because they're not much different themselves.

They have had the experience of having to redefine themselves in the face of being told by their societies that they were no longer angels and, in some ways, that has freed the more introspective demons to have enough perspective to offer counsel to willing angels as to how to manage those conflicts.

These demons, like Crowley and Beez, are uniquely well-suited to loving angels because they have also been through these same conflicts-- and still struggle with many of them.

These demons have experienced violence and violation as a result their angelic conflicts. They are drawn towards the inherent goodness of their angels, who approach them with kindness, respect, and a sense of equality to which the demons are not accustomed but which helps to build trust.

Just as these demons seek to protect these angels from harm that might befall them in the future, the angels we're discussing are both mindful of their partners' pasts and take care to help them feel safe. They are emphatic about their partners' comfort, reinforce their expectations of a partnership involving free choice and equality, and continually make clear that they consider-- and will always consider-- explicit, enthusiastic consent essential.

Their demons' knowledge of the darker aspects of the world also make them uniquely aware of the risks to their angels and they seek to protect them from experiencing the same pain they have felt from trusting the wrong faces. They do everything they can to keep their angels from falling-- literally, as in from Heaven, or more figuratively, as into despair.

They give them music and food and companionship... they open up the world for the angels and help them live life with the other people in the pub, literally and metaphorically. They explore the human world with them and make them feel less alone, letting the angels do the same for them.

Loving an angel is first seeing that angel there and acknowledging their humanity. It's affirming their imperfection as being just part of personhood and holding up that personhood as being worthy of love. It is reflecting back to the angels the same empathy, openness, and lack of judgement as what the angels give to them.

It's seeing that the angel who wrestles with living up to the expectations of the statues in his honor and the titles for which he never asked is, really, an imperfect, good-hearted, kind person beneath his snarky, sharp-edged exterior. It's seeing the depression that clouds his eyes and the fine edges he's walking in Heaven and knowing what comes next more than maybe can see in the moment and protecting him, as best as someone can, from the fallout of those actions.

Beez knows what it is to fall. They see Gabriel already in a downward motion in every way there is and knows that it comes with risk of losing himself, the way that they once did themselves. They dump out the matchsticks because the good kind of fire is already lit between them and the fire of Hell is not for their angel. They gift him a fly-- that which is made from their body. They are Gabriel's container. He is safe by putting all of himself, literally and figuratively, into Beez.

While this is a big moment in the Ineffable Bureaucracy parallel and one that also parallels the holy water, Gabriel's response to it is a mirror to Aziraphale's response to Crowley saving the books in 1941. What can Gabriel maybe tell us about what Aziraphale was feeling then, through what is similar and what is different about these two moments?

For starters, Gabriel and Beez knew how they felt about one another before The Fly. They already had shared that through "Everyday". The Fly is not an "oh" moment for Gabriel, in the sense that it wasn't a sudden revelation of either Beez's love or of his own. If anything, he and Beez never really had an "oh" moment in that sense of one because elements of how they both felt were always just understood and present in their interactions.

This is honestly true of a lot of relationships. A lot of "oh" moments are not so much becoming aware of having feelings for someone but are just being hit with a new aspect of love that both/all parties is/are already aware is in existence, even if it hasn't always yet been fully spoken.

In S1, we see that Gabriel and Beez only let their guard down around one another. They have always been as close to friends as they could be in their positions. They already care about one another when we first see them together and then, in S2, Gabriel is completely unsurprised at Beez's flirting with him moments into the first date-- and Beez had no hesitation in doing so, suggesting that they likely have before.

Their attraction to one another is presented as an existing given between them from the very start of their flashback sequence. There's no "oh" over The Fly or anything else because they just know. They start to give words and actions to it as they fall deeper in love throughout the scenes but there's never any doubt that they both have been long-aware of what exists between them.

If anything, Ineffable Bureaucracy is probably the real, millennia-long pining relationship in Good Omens, as while they had all these very good foundations for a romantic relationship, they didn't really begin to pursue one until between S1 and S2.

Gabriel's response to The Fly parallels Aziraphale's response to Crowley saving the books in 1941, even if the contrasting part of the parallel is that both are responses to gestures made by these demons for their angels in very different stages of these relationships.

For Gabriel, The Fly is an "oh" moment-- but not one that is about a new revelation related to love existing. It's about what is, for him, a heartbreakingly new experience:

It's not that Gabriel doesn't already know how he and Beez both feel about one another because already he does by this point. Gabriel isn't having a realization of the existence of his love or of Beez's love when Beez gives him The Fly; he's having a realization that this is what it feels like to be loved.

And what is feeling loved, to an angel?

It's being and feeling truly seen.

It's someone noticing them and coming along to care for them while they're out there, trying to save the world when they're sometimes not sure they can even save themselves. It's someone seeing that in them and not seeing anything worth berating them about the way that they berate themselves but, instead, seeing a person worthy of their love and protection.

Loving an angel is giving them the same kindness and care that they give to the world but that they often deny themselves.

For Gabriel, that night in The Resurrectionist was the first time that anyone had ever done something like that for him. It wasn't an "oh" of I'm in love because he already knew that and that Beez felt the same way. It was an "oh", though, of falling deeper in love. It was an "oh" of feeling love.

Beez had already done kind things for him before they gave him The Fly but The Fly and its matchbox are the first ever physical things Gabriel has been given by someone. He has never had any possessions besides his clothes before. He's never been given a gift.

He and Beez go to bars and pubs on their dates; they're surrounded by humans with songs and birthdays and Christmases and going on dates and living a life that involves tangible, physical things that Gabriel is supposed to be above but to which he is drawn.

On the first two dates we see, he and Beez meet up in places but they do not order anything. They do consume the music together and, by the night at The Resurrectionist, they take another step towards engaging more in the human world that they've largely been absorbing and observing together to date. They do so through allowing themselves to be a part of the space, too-- Gabriel miracling the song on the jukebox for Beez-- but also through material objects.

They start ordering stuff. Gabriel is happy to bring Beez something-- buying them beer and a bag of chips/packet of crisps, even if they're undecided on actually consuming them. He makes it clear that he doesn't have any expectations that Beez actually eat or drink anything if they don't want to but the idea is that they have moved to a place where they can see what the humans see in bringing one another things as they move through the world together.

Gabriel has gone from a being who barely knows why he's meeting Beez in this bar to being excited to see them again and happy to buy them a drink and their preferred snack to stare at. Beez is having a ball getting the food-judgy-if-also-food-curious Gabriel to buy them what they've clearly told him he had best call a packet of crisps if he plans on seeing them again. 😂 They have begun to let themselves claim resources for each other and themselves and to start to get less intense about consumption, which are features of recognizing the humanity in one another and themselves.

Gabriel's "oh" moment when he is given The Fly is that this is the first time he knows what it's like to experience the world as a person who has a person who cares about them and has brought them something.

What he means when he says "no one's ever given me anything before" is really "no one's ever thought about me before."

He means no one has ever seen him there-- until Beez did.

The gift of The Fly reminds Gabriel of that and shows him getting used to the new feeling of not being invisible and alone. He falls deeper in love with Beez and sees them more fully in return as well as a result of their gift and that, it could be argued, is what love is.

Love, if it's good, is a lot of "oh" moments-- because you don't fall in love once. You fall over and over again, deeper each time.

The difference between this moment with Gabriel and Beez versus the paralleling one between Crowley and Aziraphale is that, by 1941, our angel, Aziraphale, has known years upon years upon years of being seen by his demon.

(Amusingly, considering the theme of love as recognition, The Serpent is also literally, ya know, um, rather watchful at times. 😂)

Aziraphale is no stranger to Crowley being kind to him or rescuing him from the times he might have blundered, like we all do at times, in trying to do good.

Crowley saving the books in 1941 is absolutely not the first time that he's ever done something as Beez-and-The-Fly-level romantic as this for Aziraphale. In many ways, that's likely the point.

While The Fly was the first time of what will be many that Gabriel experienced what it was to feel loved by feeling seen, Crowley saving Aziraphale's books is a gesture that could not have happened at all without Crowley's long-held, intimate knowledge of Aziraphale as a person.

What makes Crowley saving Aziraphale's books so romantic isn't even just that he knows how important the books are to Aziraphale but that he knows Aziraphale so well that he could predict that the books would need rescuing.

Crowley knew that his angel would only focus on getting the two of them out of the church alive and unharmed and absolutely was going to forget about those beloved books of his while trying to protect them both and then be completely and utterly crushed when he did.

In this way, it's a contrasting parallel to Gabriel and Beez because, while that was the first time Gabriel had ever felt seen, 1941 is time number six trillion and five that Crowley had made Aziraphale feel seen like this and he's now so well-practiced at it that it's old hat at this point.

There is no judgement from Crowley about what happened with the Nazis in any of this. Aziraphale is horrible to himself over things like mistakes like he made in this church and being forgetful about these books but Crowley sees no such need for any of that. He protects Aziraphale from the fallout but in such a way that says he admires Aziraphale for trying to take the actions that he did. He sees Aziraphale as brave and his actions quietly affirm, much in the way that Beez does for Gabriel, that just because they are an angel who is used to doing for others doesn't mean they're not also a person who needs someone to do for them, too, and that Crowley is happy to be that person.

Aziraphale is reminded by Crowley knowing him well enough to anticipate that the books will need to be saved and taking care of that for him that they are a team. That Aziraphale doesn't have to worry about managing everything on his own because he and Crowley help each other manage life. They know each other well and have been together so long that they just know how to take care of one another.

It's not an "oh" of a realization of I'm in love for the first time. It is, as Michael Sheen says, a moment of falling in love. It's an "oh" of having been in love for a very long time and that love still finding new ways to surprise in its ability to keep causing Aziraphale to happily fall deeper and deeper...

This isn't realizing love and it's not the first time that Crowley has done something sweet and romantic like this for him-- it's the power of it being the nine billionth time Crowley has. It's the feeling of "oh" for Aziraphale that is a reminder that he is safe in the knowledge that Crowley knows him, through and through, and when confronted with the most real Aziraphale there is... the one that can be prone to making mistakes out of insecurities and self-doubt... the one that struggles sometimes with self-worth and brutal perfectionism... Crowley knows, sees him there, and is still madly in love with him.

Crowley never sees Aziraphale as weak or lesser for feeling any of it. He loves those sides of Aziraphale because he loves all of Aziraphale. He won't let Aziraphale be embarrassed because he likes and admires him as he is. He's gentle and kind and understanding about Aziraphale's insecurities, treating Aziraphale with the same care that Aziraphale shows him.

Crowley, better than anyone else ever has or will, sees Aziraphale for who Aziraphale truly is.

He loves that angel and his love helps Aziraphale to quiet some of his self-doubts and be a little kinder to himself-- much in the same way that Aziraphale's love does for Crowley. Crowley loving him makes Aziraphale feel like maybe there's a chance that he might be worth loving.

Loving an angel is making them feel seen and Aziraphale, holding those books Crowley rescued for him?

He felt very loved indeed.

The "oh" moment of 1941 is one moment where we see that Aziraphale has just been reminded of just how much Crowley truly sees him there-- and of just how much Crowley loves him. What we are watching, imho, is not the first realization of love but just one of a million different moments throughout history of Aziraphale continuing to fall deeper and deeper in love with Crowley.

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