#and i know feelings aren't everything
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Okay, so, life update in the tags
#i speak#i know i've vague posted about a guy a lot#and it may be a little soon to make any update/announcements#but hey#anyway there's a guy#we've been friends for awhile. but recently circumstances have changed#before he was Very Off Limits#and now he's not#long story#and shortly after that he started flirting#and. idk. past two weeks have been a whirlwind.#officially we're 'talking'#but. idk he's super sweet and cute and funny and just. i'm really happy. ^-^#trying to keep my head on my shoulders a bit#because again. realistically. it's been two weeks tomorrow since he started flirting.#wasn't even really on his radar before#and again. off limits before.#but.... idk i know 'i've never felt like this' is a cliche but as someone who's only had one relationship#and a couple of almosts#i really never have#and i know feelings aren't everything#again. trying to keep a level head.#but... yeah. ^-^ ✨️
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In the past, people in the Animal Crossing community would make fun of Tom Nook as a sleazy landlord. Since then, he's really rehabilitated his image as this 'heart of gold' businessman (he's the one who puts bells and furniture in trees for you to find! he adopted orphans! he donates to charity!), but New Horizons genuinely paints the most devious version of him.
He's successfully privatized settler colonialism: you pay HIM to move to a "deserted island" (which apparently the oceans in the AC world are just full of) and start a colony that he is directly invested in. At best he's running a weird vacation package scam (you arrive on the island with no money and in debt for "using his services"). At worst, he's using you to set up company towns. For god's sake, he literally has his own fake currency that he forces you to use to pay off your debt. But don't worry, he's repackaged it in a way that definitely doesn't sound like an MLM scam: the Nook Mileage Program!
You're no longer just his tenant or his temporary part-timer, you're his business lackey. The entire tutorial section of the game has you spending actual weeks running around completing tasks and doing hard labor to set up his colony. You're even tasked with preparing his properties and finding buyers for them. No, you aren't a tenant anymore. You work for the landlord. You are directly responsible for finding tenants for him. And he doesn't even fucking pay you. Not for setting up town hall and museum, or his nephew's shop –– which is the ONLY store on the entire island that sells necessities –– or bringing KK Slider to town, or helping populate his town. Not a single cent. No, actually, you have to pay HIM to BUY infrastructure like bridges and stairs and park benches. And all the while, he's telling you're the "resident representative"; you get to call the shots! That the reward is the community's progress. That what you're doing is in everyone's best interest (but most importantly, his).
Since NH's release, people have done a lot of legwork to say that Tom Nook isn't a capitalist while the game shows him at his very worst. He owns the only general store in town. You're forced to use a phone that he modified and branded as his own. Buy Nook-branded furniture and merchandise at the self-serve kiosk in the town hall, a governmental building! There's no conflict of interest here!
But hey, if you're tired of being the landlord/business mogul's goon, you can also find work as a deluxe resort home designer for a company that also pays you in their special company currency that can only be used to buy their products instead of a real salary! Because that's what the Animal Crossing franchise needs! More vacation homes!!!
#this is a really long winded way to say i really really really really hate new horizon's storyline and player role#i really hate that not only your house but the entire TOWN. the whole COMMUNITY you're a part of is owed to tom nook's business#i really hate the “vacation getaway package” angle because it shows just how commercialized the entire premise of nh is#and how lost the game is in its original core concept#animal crossing is about the experience of moving to a new town and becoming a part of that community#just to compare: all past ac games have a similar opening#you're on a bus or train or taxi to someplace new. a stranger strikes up a conversation and you get to know them before arriving#new horizons opens with you at customer service desk filling out an client application before a flight.#in prev games working for nook in the tutorial is meant to be demeaning. you want it to be over with so you can actually start living life#but in new horizons working for tom nook IS your life. and it's so rewarding! don't you feel rewarded?#you aren't a person. you aren't a new neighbor. you're tom nook's client. and then his unpaid employee. and the game insists it's fun to be#that's how void the game is#because it's bad enough that a rpg life sim got turned into a sandbox game where you have to build the town yourself#but the only reason why you're building it is because the landlord who you're in debt to TOLD you to build it.#everything is a rewards program! everything is a tour service! be sure to do your daily tasks to earn nook bucks to spend on nook merch!#that really sucks imo.#i mean. the entire game is based around the vacationing industry. of course it all feels fake and temporary. it's only a vacation.#long post#rant#not art#god the fact that your starter villagers can't even decide where to live you have to decide for them#i've never played a game that does the opposite of handholding#where instead it's the PLAYER who has to handhold the npcs through everything. and newsflash!! it's really exhausting and boring
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Normal Friend Behaviour.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#lan xichen#Ring ring! It's your judgment call! None of the lan brothers are there to pick it up!#Lan Xichen is so openly like 'I trust Jin Guangyao so much! Our bond is so deep! I believe in him like you believe in wwx!'#The tension! I remember not knowing how this would go because woagh the red flags for betrayal were so strong here.#Now I have spoiler brain so I mostly see the heartbreak coming but I still remember the anxiety of thinking lxc would betray lwj.#The way LXC compares his relationship to JGY is so funny to me. They aren't technically canon but...like....come on.#LXC *also* lets on that he knows LWJ has feelings for WWX. The implications are the loudest subtext I have seen.#Personally I see it as romantically one-sided on LXCs side. I think JGY knows and LXC denies his heart.#I think the tragedy is that JGY can't move past his need to make everything a game of chess to see LXC as more than an oppertunity#Here's the bigger tragedy: The one time he followed his heart...it led him to Qin-Su. Whom he loved dearly!#but...oh god was that ever a massive disaster that must have been internalized as 'following my heart is a mistake I can never make again.'#Ah - Happy Puffy Sleeves WWX debut day! We finally made it!#I'm personally a fan of the happy accident of WWX having white sleeves for this arc B*)
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💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖
For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!
The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^
What's been added to the 3.5 version?
📺 Streamer Mode!
I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.
Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh
This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!
⚙️ Custom Pronouns!
It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;
Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!
💗 Choose how others perceive you!
You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.
For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!
📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!
You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3
Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!
I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;
I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao
📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!
You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!
Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!
I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;
It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)
🖤 Additional Scenes Update!
Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!
If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.
After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga
🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!
I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!
I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.
Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.
How to download and play the update?
(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!
Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)
Enjoy!!
#14 days with you#14dwy#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — spoilers.#I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately#Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️#(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly)#OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll—#—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;)#However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing)#So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from—#—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue#—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3#Aaaaaanways!! 😮💨#My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks—#—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!!#This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v;#Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe#🖤 — shut up sai.
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i've been thinking about exactly why people portraying one of the other crew members successfully killing Jimmy as a "for what you did to Anya" kind of thing rubs me the wrong way a bit and it's because like..... this is just another form of taking agency away from Anya, in a way. it's kind of framing her as some meek, shivery woman-thing who's entirely at the mercy of the men around her, either to hurt her or save her.
(i understand these are mostly for wish fulfillment on the audience's behalf because everyone would like to see Jimmy pay for his crimes. whether or not this is the intention of the person writing it isn't really relevant, characterization happens with or without intent. i feel like it misses the point by portraying it as an 'ideal ending'.)
because... Anya is a capable person. she takes things into her own hands when she can. it was partially(?) her idea to get into the cargo,
(before he interrupts her.. remember when she interrupted Curly in the dead pixel segment?)
it was her idea to get the code scanner from the cockpit,
it was her idea to get the medication from behind the foam.
(the chance to do these things herself is not given to her.)
she'd been keeping Curly alive for months in a critical state somehow, her psych evaluations at the start are only so useless because Jimmy refuses to take it/her seriously and Curly is obviously biased when he puts it into his own hands. he's known him a long time, like he said. "I'll just put good for that one."
there's not a lot of material to work with because of how the game is framed, but it's there. we are working with two very biased perspectives and neither one lends Anya what she deserves
there's significant changes in how she speaks post- and pre- crash, and depending on who she happens to be talking to. i recommend re-reading her dialogue, because the difference is drastic
she acts the way she does around Jimmy because he has tangibly done horrible things to her, is actively hostile, and physically could not escape him by any means. she can't take away Curly's agency herself, in my eyes. you have to remember that Especially in the post-crash segments of the game, it's entirely from Jimmy's POV, and he obviously does not (and has never) thought very highly of her or treated her with a shred of respect
i've seen a general idea that she can't bear to hurt other people for any reason, but that doesn't really track to me. this is the real point of the post by the way
it seems based on the parts where she says she struggles to give Curly medication. "It just hurts him so much, I can't stand the noise." "It makes me nauseous."
it's not really the same thing as, say, hurting someone in self defense
this sounds like she did want the gun itself. this never felt worded like someone who would refuse to, at very least, threaten Jimmy with a gun, with violence. if she had been given the agency to make that decision on her own. she wasn't though
she still tries to reclaim some of it even as she's denied it
by the end she's still trying to keep that gun out of his hands
i think some people overly soften her, for similar reasons the game itself is trying to comment on. she's not a tender victim who couldn't cause pain to another out of the softness of her soul, she's a person who's had every last bit of agency ripped from her repeatedly until she couldn't take it anymore. that's the point. that's why framing her that way, "needing" someone to save her, is odd to me
she didn't need Curly to save her, she needed him to take responsibility
she didn't want to escalate things, but she's not an idiot. self defense was absolutely on her mind
but who knows im just saying shit *smiles serenely*
#dib noise#mouthwashing#sorryyyyyyyyy lol#i will defend you anya o7#its been fun to roll this game around in my brain. gives me something to do#long post#could be reaching though. it's unfortunate so much of her screentime is hammering home how poorly jimmy regards her#or her being scared/nervous in his presence#or trying to placate him#yes i know that's the point#are my feelings on how anya is treated by the the characters the fans and the game itself weirdly personal? yeah sorry#unfortunately i do think they didn't get the anya parts as solidly as the rest but oh well#everything has flaws#i've gone through a playthrough of this game like 10 times for this#you KNOW im sourcing my claims!!#not really an attack on the people who made the stuff i mentioned at the start#more of a commentary on how they relate with the source material itself#yes yes i know giving a crewmate a lethal weapon is probably not the best idea to curly#does that make this situation any less horrifying?#remember: these aren't real people. everything they do was written on purpose for a reason#i still need to write down my general thoughts on the game as a whole..#also not about one specific person post image writing ect it's a collection of things and ideas thrown onto one post#I'm not any good at ending posts like thase it kind of devolves by yhe end but thats ok
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btw. if you even care
#bob being affectionate w/ his kids is always soo sweet because you know that big bob wasn't showing him any of that affection growing up#and society never taught men to be affectionate with their kids in that way so everything he does is so Intentional#he thinks like. ohh i should give gene a hug bcuz he's feeling sad right now!!#i should give louise a kiss Bcuz i love her#he has to like. actually Think about these things they aren't natural to him but imo that makes them so much sweeter#he cares soo much he wants to be a good dad for his kids and show them the affection that he never got#txt#bob's burgers
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listen i don't think edward little was actually a bad first lieutenant. when we see him in the first episode he's calm and confident. he does not say much but he's amiable enough. crozier likes him, and i don't think crozier would like anyone he doesn't think capable in some way. generally he's dependable and knows what he's doing. however unfortunately for edward he has these qualities because he has a major case of eldest daughter syndrome, which means he both wants to please his mum (crozier) and has an overdeveloped sense of responsibility for his younger siblings (crew), so when they get stuck in the ice and crozier starts going (more) alcoholic, he enables his mum bc he doesn't want to disappoint her even if he doesn't agree with her, and he has to pick up the tasks and care for his siblings she's not doing, but he can't let his siblings know about their mum's situation because they'll get worried and restless. and like a true eldest daughter he has to bear the brunt of mummy's anger for being a disappointment but he also doesn't want to seek refuge with the man she divorced (fitzjames) because that feels like a betrayal. also while this is going on there is a giant bear who hunts his siblings for sport so they're dying left and right and also a changeling master manipulator who's making his siblings mad at their mum and who wants to fuck said mum before eating her like some sort of praying mantis. anyway i think i would start being miserable and anxious too.
#joke post but i do feel like the whole 'edward little's bad lieutenanting' goes a little overboard sometimes#he's always in the worst position ever for a man whose sense of duty to captain and crew is at the core of his being#generally everything he does he does bc he thinks it's for the good of the crew.#but the crew is 24/7 in mortal peril so he's anxious 24/7 as well#under normal circumstances he'd know what to do. but these aren't normal 1st lieutenant circumstances. he's not equipped for it#and anyway i do need to point out. that edward is anxious abt everything and he makes wrong choices sometimes even with good intentions#but the first thing crozier did when he got miserable and anxious was stop trying and instead hope to drink himself to death. so. you know.#edward little#the terror#jopson is the favoured younger sibling in this scenario btw#inb4 someone comes into the tags like 'wouldn't jfj be the mum' not in this metaphor
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If somebody in your life offers to knit or crochet or, really, create anything for you, please be an active participant in the creation of the piece they are making. I adore making and gifting things, but nothing bums me out quicker than a person who passively just goes "okay," to my ideas about what I'm making them - it can send the message that they won't like it, or that they don't care, even if they're happy about my offering. The back-and-forth feedback is a great way to make sure that you are being gifted something that was truly worth the time, effort, expertise, and money that will inevitably go into the gift!
I know it's really hard to be an active participant, believe me, I'm an anxious ball of horror, but it will only do good for both parties to interact in this situation. It is a big deal to be offered a hand-crafted gift, but it's also something we want you to love and use, and that can only happen if you tell us what would make you fall in love with what we create.
#advice#relationships#art#fiber art#knitting#crochet#i always try to remember that some people's responses to something big is to clam up and become more passive...#..i just want to remind you that you aren't in danger of Ruining Everything by suggesting things or asking questions or saying what YOU wan#like i asked my dad specifically how he would feel if i made him items SPECIFICALLY so i could gauge if he would like them for instance#i don't just want to create something i want the recipient to actually LIKE it#which is why i typically (not always) ask how somebody would feel about me giving them a specific gift#i know some people genuinely don't care in the sense that they would appreciate ANYTHING but sometimes that doesn't always translate i gues#im crocheting a set of coasters for my dad and i really hope hell truly like them because i'm not sure based on how he responded to my ideas#it makes me so happy to gift things but it's with the caveat that the recipient will think it is An Amazing Gift That Is SO Good And Useful
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A rant about US-centrism
Why do so many Americans on Tiktok think that the huge protests here in Germany are for them?? Like I fully get that the situation with Trump rn is horrifying and everyone who knows history is and should be rightfully worried. And I try to spread information about ICE raids and stuff like that because I care about people everywhere in the world.
But seeing Americans on tiktok saying "thank you for protesting FOR US" is absolutely crazy, the USA centrism is insane!!! (Especially because I don't really see many Americans share much info and resources about other countries)
Correct me if I'm wrong but there aren't even big protests against Trump and his facist regime anywhere in the US for some reason, why should we do the work for you when we've got our own elections coming up in less than a months and the genuine neo Nazi party is projected to be at least the second biggest party. We are on the streets with hundreds of thousands of people because we are demonstrating against the rise of facism in our own country!! We are trying to maybe get less people to elect actual Nazis and onenof your very own clowns aka Elon Musk is backing the AfD.
This post may seem a little harsh but the US centrism is pissing me off so bad atm because you are not the only one in a bad situation, not everything evolves around 1 singular country. Our elections are coming up and we might somehow still be able to change the outcome slightly, so we aren't going towards full on facism.
We definitely have different priorities rn than to protest for/on behalf of a different country, that isn't even actively protesting out on the streets themselves!!!
#i had go get this out#because not everything is about you#and today is the date of holocaust remembrance#and the day of auschwitz liberation#and out country is sliding towards facism#and white americans on tiktok#who definitely aren't going out into the streets#are like “is this for me? is this about me?”#you need to wake up and see that your country isn't the only one with problems#and don't expect us to do everything for you#when you know jackshit about us and do nothing for us ever#and if you're offended by this rant maybe look inside yourself#because i genuinely only mean those who are entirely us centric and don't inform themselves about the rest of the world#us politics#german politics#bundestagswahl#rant#us centrism#trump#donald trump#afd#protests#germany#deutschland#facism#holocaust#i know my european and german moots feel me on this#holocaust remembrance
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There needs to be a scientific study done on how Rockstar Games' Arthur Morgan is able to provoke the most earth shattering emotions I didn't even know I had in me
#you guys get me right#like you feel it deep in your chest#the joy the anguish the grief#it feels like words aren't enough#and I don't mean it as in “sad moment in video game makes you sad”#I mean it as in “a deep and well written moment that has been slowly building is fleshed out in a video game and I think about for weeks”#when I say I lose sleep over this game I really mean it#I spend hours just laying in bed thinking about everything that happens in arthur morgan's life#it eats at me#I'm not ashamed of how much I have cried over this game#it fucking gets to me#playing rdr2 is the best form of escapism until the story hits you like a stab in the chest but the blade just pushes in further and further#until you're left with a gaping wound#“wow michael I didn't know you were so emotional over pixels on a screen”#except those pixels were acted out and performed by real people and voiced by real people and designed to look like real people#the game's main target was historic realism emphasis on REALISM#to provoke emotions through amazing storytelling#it's okay to feel strongly about things!!#this game man#this game#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#mick thinks#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2 spoilers
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hm. idk, maybe the reason Luke Newton isn't announcing new projects or posting any Bridgerton content is because some of you demons treated him like hot trash instead of a creative that you wanted more work from and he decided fuck it, this isn't worth the stress. you know, like a lot of creatives who get mistreated do?
like this is a man who went from couch surfing in a friend's house and bartending to make ends meet, deciding that the Bridgerton audition was the last one he'd do before he quit, to suddenly being recognized on the street because that last audition propelled him to star in a global show where fans who have zero media comprehension blamed him for his character's actions and literally stalked him at any hotel he happens to stay at. he went from being a dude doing musical theatre and shopping at thrift stores and recording random songs with friends and posting silly memes on Twitter to being harassed on his only social media page and his friends insulted and his partners bullied by his supposed 'fans' and anything he posts being so microanalyzed that he can't do a damn thing without someone coming out the woodwork screaming about how he's the WORST and won't he think of the FANS!?
like damn he can't have a girlfriend without being harassed, he can't travel without being harassed, he can't like or not like social media posts without being harassed, he can't post a fucking MEME without being harassed, he can't take a vacation or cut his hair or hold someone's hand or just live his life without being blamed for some bullshit or another. but yeah, okay, 'when will Luke Newton come back?' as if it isn't your fault he's AWOL now
#luke newton#colin bridgerton#polin#lukola#bridgerton#bridgerton has a bullying problem- from kanthony fans to benophie (i see y'all with your anti blogs and your mean opinions) to polin#y'all lukolas say you're fans but most of you are the ones microanalyzing and feeling entitlement to this dude#and you know what?#jakola#because y'all straight up sip the hateraid and lbsr rn and call a spade a spade: you don't know this jack (jake? idk and idc) dude#you don't care about his achievements and aren't fans of his 'work'#you just want your stand-in avatar nic to have male attention as if male validation is the end all be all of a woman's success#and you see luke as the stand in for all the men who hurt you in the past but like he is literally not doing anything and y'all will be mad#and project that he somehow hurt nic as well by 'rejecting' her for his girlfriend who you hate because lbr she's conventionally attractive#when NICOLA Is conventionally attractive TOO ffs#how dare y'all make me step up to bat for a white man this way#leave him alone#aren't you exhausted?#'he didn't like xyz social media post and his girlfriend gives me the ick and he's not posting and appeasing me and blahblahblah' shut up#like y'all shut down at someone so much as raising their voice at you or posting some mild criticism for your bad takes#but you expect a man who has openly revealed his ADHD and anxiety to be the punching bag for all your vitriol#because he's not living his life in a way YOU approve of? like who are YOU to dictate how someone does and does not exist on this earth?#do some soul searching#do i love Luke's acting and want more of it and for him to star in everything i wanna watch? of course#but rn i'm gently cradling his face going 'baby you should RUN' because y'all are the PITS#YOU are the problem#one day y'all will realize that
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movie sonadow would be so l umity-coded…and i say this bc their dynamic is similar to the games but with a different and tender perspective: they both empathize deeply with each other now, and this shadow is not as reticent or closed off bc of that. that being said: movie!sonic would ABSOLUTELY 'YOU'RE the sweet potato!' the hell out of shadow
#i say l umity bc they're my fave yardstick for romantic relationship progression#between two characters who're barely just starting to know themselves let alone their feelings#and bc they're cute. and i have been thinking abt (made sleepless over‚ really) sonic being SO ecstatic to find shadow alive#i just see movie!sonic being more physically affectionate n movie!shadow (w the both of them having already seen each other at their worst)#feeling less of a need to put up a front. not much to hide from the guy you pleaded with to kill you on the moon yk?#speeds over‚ loops his arms and spins him 'round#he would be SO excited to show shadow fun earth stuff#and on a deeper level‚ i think a liiiiiittle bit of it'd be projection#he knows their situations aren't the same. but yet again‚ here's another hedgehog in a strange new world#and he wants to give him everything he wished he'd had when he arrived#so he shows him crappy reality tv and new kinds of foods and other kinds of constellations‚#the proper way to give a fist bump (bc shadow was going to genuinely punch him and he had to explain)‚ and books from the library#they get more movies. sonic teaches him how to play mario kart. he knux and tails induct him into their baseball games#and sonic is delighted to find they have the same problem of hitting the ball Way Too Hard#he answers every question shadow has to the best of his ability#and like. the Main Thought that's been plaguing me is that one day he gets shadow a picture frame#and - idk how sonic got it‚ just roll with it - sonic reveals the picture of shadow and maria#and explains that tom had that section of his old cave‚ the one w the picture of longclaw excavated and preserved#and he doesn't know how tom did it‚ but now she's in his new home too. he doesn't have to leave her behind just bc he found somewhere new#basically trying to show him that it's okay to grieve and to KEEP grieving. that just bc you've been understood‚ that love goes away.#but yeah. they drive me nuts#sonadow#sonic movie 3 spoilers#sth
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#i gotta go get my T bloodwork done tomorrow#which is fine but like#last time i was there the nurse was REALLY weird and they were pretty annoyed with me#because i hadn't come in for a long time#because life shit happened including breaking my ankle#and it's the same situation now but like so much fucking worse#and i don't want them to be assholes to me about it or about how i kind of miss shots quite a bit#like that's A Thing#it's a problem for me#but i don't deserve AT ALL to get scolded for it or treated like I'm doing something wrong#ugh i just have a chip on my shoulder#i know it has the potential to go fine and i am bringing backup with me#but EVERYTHING has gone wrong lately!#and if this goes wrong there is every chance it'll drive me to getting the stuff online and not getting bloodwork AT ALL#and I want to tell them that but I feel like they'd just be shitty about it because ultimately they may be an inclusive clinic#but they are still medical professionals and gatekeepers at heart and you can't trust medpros and gatekeepers further than you can spit#idk man I'm an adult just leave me alone to do my thing and accept that I will be in once a year for sure but no promises on more than that#i'm tired in advance#idk i just got the feeling last time that they were accusing me of getting my T illicitly and it's like bitch im not but even if i was#aren't you supposed to be a place people can be honest about their situations? am i not here jumping through your hoops to do it legally?#im doing what you wanted but the thing is I DON'T HAVE TO and if you keep acting weird im going to have to STOP#because i don't have energy to deal with my disintegrating life AND gatekeeping judgy bullshit#do cis men have to dance like this?
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#random personal stuff#personal whining ahead feel free to ignore#kind of struggling right now (what else is new)#I was up past three last night having A Crisis#I'm burned out and I know why I'm burned out#but there's no good solution#and on top of that there's some shame and the ever-present need to Restrain just how awful I am#(ha! this time I will have proof for my counselor that I am in fact the worst and I'm not just making that up)#there aren't any viable other life options & who knows if I wouldn't just be exchanging one struggle for another (worse?) one if I tried#the current situation is stagnant and sucking out my soul#people keep telling me to do A Thing for it to improve but it costs money and energy that the current situation isn't leaving me much of#and I don't even know if The Thing is really what I want anyway even if I could do it#I went into this with such ridiculous starry-eyed ideas of helping people but for a long time now everything has seemed meaningless#the same mindless repetitious tasks forever until I die#stuck behind the same desk and not mattering at all#but it's the only thing I can do and I don't know what I would want to do if I had the choice#maybe not work around people again ever which would be better for humanity in general#anyway I want to ask for prayer but I don't know how/what to ask about?
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If I'm honest, the whole "love in every stitch" saying for fiber artists does not apply to me, like. I'm trying to get this fucking hook into stubborn yarn and I'll be stabbing it like it owed me money. Is that love because I hope not 😭💀
#art#crochet#honestly the closest thing i feel to love when crocheting is this feeling that this is bigger than me if that makes sense...#...i think it'sthe feeling of knowing how old the craft itself is and knowing that millions of people have done the same as you...#...millions of people have stabbed their crochet hook into the yarn because it's stubborn but so are you...#...millions of people in the past have sat and devoted their time and effort into all of this...#...millions of people have passed on this knowledge and kept this thing alive...#...and it's the feeling of knowing that humans across millenia aren't THAT different#to our core we are more or less similar - across the ages across the colours across everything. that really comforts and humbles me#have you looked up ancient textiles? because that also sparks these emotions in me#it makes me think about the tupes of people to make the textile but also about who wore it#and so many of them are still beautiful and colourful and it shows you SO MUCH about the people who made them#even the ones that are tattered and faded and stripped of colour still feel beautiful...#...because it has SURVIVED. it is evidence of a people who made it and a people who had technical skills#and THIS is why i HATE HATE HATE the idea that ancient people were just 'dumb' and 'uneducated'#that is so unfair to them and cruel and just. wrong. (and often it reeks of white supremacy)#i'm sorry i rant and rave about this so much but i canNOT be normal about this. i can't be normal about humanity#i am learning to love humanity and learn about us and learn everything and it'll never be enough - i will never know enough#i will never know everything about everybody and it will be the death of me#okay the only thing i liked about the greatest showman movie was Never Enough because that is me thinking about all this
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i have a headcanon that the Listeners have a power where they Mimic voices/sounds very well
and im watching Martyn's 3rd life series rn and he keeps making Mob noises at people and scaring the shit out of them
i'll b normal abt this
#I FEEL CRAZY#things that aren't Anything but Everything to me#i dont know a whole lot abt hte listeners im sitll working onit phphph#im just siwtching between grian and martyn's series rn. griansis 3 hours and martyn's is damn near 7 AUGH
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