#and i know feelings aren't everything
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Okay, so, life update in the tags
#i speak#i know i've vague posted about a guy a lot#and it may be a little soon to make any update/announcements#but hey#anyway there's a guy#we've been friends for awhile. but recently circumstances have changed#before he was Very Off Limits#and now he's not#long story#and shortly after that he started flirting#and. idk. past two weeks have been a whirlwind.#officially we're 'talking'#but. idk he's super sweet and cute and funny and just. i'm really happy. ^-^#trying to keep my head on my shoulders a bit#because again. realistically. it's been two weeks tomorrow since he started flirting.#wasn't even really on his radar before#and again. off limits before.#but.... idk i know 'i've never felt like this' is a cliche but as someone who's only had one relationship#and a couple of almosts#i really never have#and i know feelings aren't everything#again. trying to keep a level head.#but... yeah. ^-^ ✨️
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In the past, people in the Animal Crossing community would make fun of Tom Nook as a sleazy landlord. Since then, he's really rehabilitated his image as this 'heart of gold' businessman (he's the one who puts bells and furniture in trees for you to find! he adopted orphans! he donates to charity!), but New Horizons genuinely paints the most devious version of him.
He's successfully privatized settler colonialism: you pay HIM to move to a "deserted island" (which apparently the oceans in the AC world are just full of) and start a colony that he is directly invested in. At best he's running a weird vacation package scam (you arrive on the island with no money and in debt for "using his services"). At worst, he's using you to set up company towns. For god's sake, he literally has his own fake currency that he forces you to use to pay off your debt. But don't worry, he's repackaged it in a way that definitely doesn't sound like an MLM scam: the Nook Mileage Program!
You're no longer just his tenant or his temporary part-timer, you're his business lackey. The entire tutorial section of the game has you spending actual weeks running around completing tasks and doing hard labor to set up his colony. You're even tasked with preparing his properties and finding buyers for them. No, you aren't a tenant anymore. You work for the landlord. You are directly responsible for finding tenants for him. And he doesn't even fucking pay you. Not for setting up town hall and museum, or his nephew's shop –– which is the ONLY store on the entire island that sells necessities –– or bringing KK Slider to town, or helping populate his town. Not a single cent. No, actually, you have to pay HIM to BUY infrastructure like bridges and stairs and park benches. And all the while, he's telling you're the "resident representative"; you get to call the shots! That the reward is the community's progress. That what you're doing is in everyone's best interest (but most importantly, his).
Since NH's release, people have done a lot of legwork to say that Tom Nook isn't a capitalist while the game shows him at his very worst. He owns the only general store in town. You're forced to use a phone that he modified and branded as his own. Buy Nook-branded furniture and merchandise at the self-serve kiosk in the town hall, a governmental building! There's no conflict of interest here!
But hey, if you're tired of being the landlord/business mogul's goon, you can also find work as a deluxe resort home designer for a company that also pays you in their special company currency that can only be used to buy their products instead of a real salary! Because that's what the Animal Crossing franchise needs! More vacation homes!!!
#this is a really long winded way to say i really really really really hate new horizon's storyline and player role#i really hate that not only your house but the entire TOWN. the whole COMMUNITY you're a part of is owed to tom nook's business#i really hate the “vacation getaway package” angle because it shows just how commercialized the entire premise of nh is#and how lost the game is in its original core concept#animal crossing is about the experience of moving to a new town and becoming a part of that community#just to compare: all past ac games have a similar opening#you're on a bus or train or taxi to someplace new. a stranger strikes up a conversation and you get to know them before arriving#new horizons opens with you at customer service desk filling out an client application before a flight.#in prev games working for nook in the tutorial is meant to be demeaning. you want it to be over with so you can actually start living life#but in new horizons working for tom nook IS your life. and it's so rewarding! don't you feel rewarded?#you aren't a person. you aren't a new neighbor. you're tom nook's client. and then his unpaid employee. and the game insists it's fun to be#that's how void the game is#because it's bad enough that a rpg life sim got turned into a sandbox game where you have to build the town yourself#but the only reason why you're building it is because the landlord who you're in debt to TOLD you to build it.#everything is a rewards program! everything is a tour service! be sure to do your daily tasks to earn nook bucks to spend on nook merch!#that really sucks imo.#i mean. the entire game is based around the vacationing industry. of course it all feels fake and temporary. it's only a vacation.#long post#rant#not art#god the fact that your starter villagers can't even decide where to live you have to decide for them#i've never played a game that does the opposite of handholding#where instead it's the PLAYER who has to handhold the npcs through everything. and newsflash!! it's really exhausting and boring
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Normal Friend Behaviour.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#lan xichen#Ring ring! It's your judgment call! None of the lan brothers are there to pick it up!#Lan Xichen is so openly like 'I trust Jin Guangyao so much! Our bond is so deep! I believe in him like you believe in wwx!'#The tension! I remember not knowing how this would go because woagh the red flags for betrayal were so strong here.#Now I have spoiler brain so I mostly see the heartbreak coming but I still remember the anxiety of thinking lxc would betray lwj.#The way LXC compares his relationship to JGY is so funny to me. They aren't technically canon but...like....come on.#LXC *also* lets on that he knows LWJ has feelings for WWX. The implications are the loudest subtext I have seen.#Personally I see it as romantically one-sided on LXCs side. I think JGY knows and LXC denies his heart.#I think the tragedy is that JGY can't move past his need to make everything a game of chess to see LXC as more than an oppertunity#Here's the bigger tragedy: The one time he followed his heart...it led him to Qin-Su. Whom he loved dearly!#but...oh god was that ever a massive disaster that must have been internalized as 'following my heart is a mistake I can never make again.'#Ah - Happy Puffy Sleeves WWX debut day! We finally made it!#I'm personally a fan of the happy accident of WWX having white sleeves for this arc B*)
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💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖
For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!
The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^
What's been added to the 3.5 version?
📺 Streamer Mode!
I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.
Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh
This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!
⚙️ Custom Pronouns!
It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;
Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!
💗 Choose how others perceive you!
You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.
For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!
📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!
You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3
Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!
I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;
I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao
📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!
You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!
Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!
I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;
It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)
🖤 Additional Scenes Update!
Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!
If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.
After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga
🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!
I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!
I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.
Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.
How to download and play the update?
(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!
Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)
Enjoy!!
#14 days with you#14dwy#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — spoilers.#I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately#Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️#(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly)#OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll—#—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;)#However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing)#So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from—#—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue#—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3#Aaaaaanways!! 😮💨#My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks—#—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!!#This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v;#Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe#🖤 — shut up sai.
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i've been thinking about exactly why people portraying one of the other crew members successfully killing Jimmy as a "for what you did to Anya" kind of thing rubs me the wrong way a bit and it's because like..... this is just another form of taking agency away from Anya, in a way. it's kind of framing her as some meek, shivery woman-thing who's entirely at the mercy of the men around her, either to hurt her or save her.
(i understand these are mostly for wish fulfillment on the audience's behalf because everyone would like to see Jimmy pay for his crimes. whether or not this is the intention of the person writing it isn't really relevant, characterization happens with or without intent. i feel like it misses the point by portraying it as an 'ideal ending'.)
because... Anya is a capable person. she takes things into her own hands when she can. it was partially(?) her idea to get into the cargo,
(before he interrupts her.. remember when she interrupted Curly in the dead pixel segment?)
it was her idea to get the code scanner from the cockpit,
it was her idea to get the medication from behind the foam.
(the chance to do these things herself is not given to her.)
she'd been keeping Curly alive for months in a critical state somehow, her psych evaluations at the start are only so useless because Jimmy refuses to take it/her seriously and Curly is obviously biased when he puts it into his own hands. he's known him a long time, like he said. "I'll just put good for that one."
there's not a lot of material to work with because of how the game is framed, but it's there. we are working with two very biased perspectives and neither one lends Anya what she deserves
there's significant changes in how she speaks post- and pre- crash, and depending on who she happens to be talking to. i recommend re-reading her dialogue, because the difference is drastic
she acts the way she does around Jimmy because he has tangibly done horrible things to her, is actively hostile, and physically could not escape him by any means. she can't take away Curly's agency herself, in my eyes. you have to remember that Especially in the post-crash segments of the game, it's entirely from Jimmy's POV, and he obviously does not (and has never) thought very highly of her or treated her with a shred of respect
i've seen a general idea that she can't bear to hurt other people for any reason, but that doesn't really track to me. this is the real point of the post by the way
it seems based on the parts where she says she struggles to give Curly medication. "It just hurts him so much, I can't stand the noise." "It makes me nauseous."
it's not really the same thing as, say, hurting someone in self defense
this sounds like she did want the gun itself. this never felt worded like someone who would refuse to, at very least, threaten Jimmy with a gun, with violence. if she had been given the agency to make that decision on her own. she wasn't though
she still tries to reclaim some of it even as she's denied it
by the end she's still trying to keep that gun out of his hands
i think some people overly soften her, for similar reasons the game itself is trying to comment on. she's not a tender victim who couldn't cause pain to another out of the softness of her soul, she's a person who's had every last bit of agency ripped from her repeatedly until she couldn't take it anymore. that's the point. that's why framing her that way, "needing" someone to save her, is odd to me
she didn't need Curly to save her, she needed him to take responsibility
she didn't want to escalate things, but she's not an idiot. self defense was absolutely on her mind
but who knows im just saying shit *smiles serenely*
#dib noise#mouthwashing#sorryyyyyyyyy lol#i will defend you anya o7#its been fun to roll this game around in my brain. gives me something to do#long post#could be reaching though. it's unfortunate so much of her screentime is hammering home how poorly jimmy regards her#or her being scared/nervous in his presence#or trying to placate him#yes i know that's the point#are my feelings on how anya is treated by the the characters the fans and the game itself weirdly personal? yeah sorry#unfortunately i do think they didn't get the anya parts as solidly as the rest but oh well#everything has flaws#i've gone through a playthrough of this game like 10 times for this#you KNOW im sourcing my claims!!#not really an attack on the people who made the stuff i mentioned at the start#more of a commentary on how they relate with the source material itself#yes yes i know giving a crewmate a lethal weapon is probably not the best idea to curly#does that make this situation any less horrifying?#remember: these aren't real people. everything they do was written on purpose for a reason#i still need to write down my general thoughts on the game as a whole..#also not about one specific person post image writing ect it's a collection of things and ideas thrown onto one post#I'm not any good at ending posts like thase it kind of devolves by yhe end but thats ok
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btw. if you even care
#bob being affectionate w/ his kids is always soo sweet because you know that big bob wasn't showing him any of that affection growing up#and society never taught men to be affectionate with their kids in that way so everything he does is so Intentional#he thinks like. ohh i should give gene a hug bcuz he's feeling sad right now!!#i should give louise a kiss Bcuz i love her#he has to like. actually Think about these things they aren't natural to him but imo that makes them so much sweeter#he cares soo much he wants to be a good dad for his kids and show them the affection that he never got#txt#bob's burgers
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listen i don't think edward little was actually a bad first lieutenant. when we see him in the first episode he's calm and confident. he does not say much but he's amiable enough. crozier likes him, and i don't think crozier would like anyone he doesn't think capable in some way. generally he's dependable and knows what he's doing. however unfortunately for edward he has these qualities because he has a major case of eldest daughter syndrome, which means he both wants to please his mum (crozier) and has an overdeveloped sense of responsibility for his younger siblings (crew), so when they get stuck in the ice and crozier starts going (more) alcoholic, he enables his mum bc he doesn't want to disappoint her even if he doesn't agree with her, and he has to pick up the tasks and care for his siblings she's not doing, but he can't let his siblings know about their mum's situation because they'll get worried and restless. and like a true eldest daughter he has to bear the brunt of mummy's anger for being a disappointment but he also doesn't want to seek refuge with the man she divorced (fitzjames) because that feels like a betrayal. also while this is going on there is a giant bear who hunts his siblings for sport so they're dying left and right and also a changeling master manipulator who's making his siblings mad at their mum and who wants to fuck said mum before eating her like some sort of praying mantis. anyway i think i would start being miserable and anxious too.
#joke post but i do feel like the whole 'edward little's bad lieutenanting' goes a little overboard sometimes#he's always in the worst position ever for a man whose sense of duty to captain and crew is at the core of his being#generally everything he does he does bc he thinks it's for the good of the crew.#but the crew is 24/7 in mortal peril so he's anxious 24/7 as well#under normal circumstances he'd know what to do. but these aren't normal 1st lieutenant circumstances. he's not equipped for it#and anyway i do need to point out. that edward is anxious abt everything and he makes wrong choices sometimes even with good intentions#but the first thing crozier did when he got miserable and anxious was stop trying and instead hope to drink himself to death. so. you know.#edward little#the terror#jopson is the favoured younger sibling in this scenario btw#inb4 someone comes into the tags like 'wouldn't jfj be the mum' not in this metaphor
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If somebody in your life offers to knit or crochet or, really, create anything for you, please be an active participant in the creation of the piece they are making. I adore making and gifting things, but nothing bums me out quicker than a person who passively just goes "okay," to my ideas about what I'm making them - it can send the message that they won't like it, or that they don't care, even if they're happy about my offering. The back-and-forth feedback is a great way to make sure that you are being gifted something that was truly worth the time, effort, expertise, and money that will inevitably go into the gift!
I know it's really hard to be an active participant, believe me, I'm an anxious ball of horror, but it will only do good for both parties to interact in this situation. It is a big deal to be offered a hand-crafted gift, but it's also something we want you to love and use, and that can only happen if you tell us what would make you fall in love with what we create.
#advice#relationships#art#fiber art#knitting#crochet#i always try to remember that some people's responses to something big is to clam up and become more passive...#..i just want to remind you that you aren't in danger of Ruining Everything by suggesting things or asking questions or saying what YOU wan#like i asked my dad specifically how he would feel if i made him items SPECIFICALLY so i could gauge if he would like them for instance#i don't just want to create something i want the recipient to actually LIKE it#which is why i typically (not always) ask how somebody would feel about me giving them a specific gift#i know some people genuinely don't care in the sense that they would appreciate ANYTHING but sometimes that doesn't always translate i gues#im crocheting a set of coasters for my dad and i really hope hell truly like them because i'm not sure based on how he responded to my ideas#it makes me so happy to gift things but it's with the caveat that the recipient will think it is An Amazing Gift That Is SO Good And Useful
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There needs to be a scientific study done on how Rockstar Games' Arthur Morgan is able to provoke the most earth shattering emotions I didn't even know I had in me
#you guys get me right#like you feel it deep in your chest#the joy the anguish the grief#it feels like words aren't enough#and I don't mean it as in “sad moment in video game makes you sad”#I mean it as in “a deep and well written moment that has been slowly building is fleshed out in a video game and I think about for weeks”#when I say I lose sleep over this game I really mean it#I spend hours just laying in bed thinking about everything that happens in arthur morgan's life#it eats at me#I'm not ashamed of how much I have cried over this game#it fucking gets to me#playing rdr2 is the best form of escapism until the story hits you like a stab in the chest but the blade just pushes in further and further#until you're left with a gaping wound#“wow michael I didn't know you were so emotional over pixels on a screen”#except those pixels were acted out and performed by real people and voiced by real people and designed to look like real people#the game's main target was historic realism emphasis on REALISM#to provoke emotions through amazing storytelling#it's okay to feel strongly about things!!#this game man#this game#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#mick thinks#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2 spoilers
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hm. idk, maybe the reason Luke Newton isn't announcing new projects or posting any Bridgerton content is because some of you demons treated him like hot trash instead of a creative that you wanted more work from and he decided fuck it, this isn't worth the stress. you know, like a lot of creatives who get mistreated do?
like this is a man who went from couch surfing in a friend's house and bartending to make ends meet, deciding that the Bridgerton audition was the last one he'd do before he quit, to suddenly being recognized on the street because that last audition propelled him to star in a global show where fans who have zero media comprehension blamed him for his character's actions and literally stalked him at any hotel he happens to stay at. he went from being a dude doing musical theatre and shopping at thrift stores and recording random songs with friends and posting silly memes on Twitter to being harassed on his only social media page and his friends insulted and his partners bullied by his supposed 'fans' and anything he posts being so microanalyzed that he can't do a damn thing without someone coming out the woodwork screaming about how he's the WORST and won't he think of the FANS!?
like damn he can't have a girlfriend without being harassed, he can't travel without being harassed, he can't like or not like social media posts without being harassed, he can't post a fucking MEME without being harassed, he can't take a vacation or cut his hair or hold someone's hand or just live his life without being blamed for some bullshit or another. but yeah, okay, 'when will Luke Newton come back?' as if it isn't your fault he's AWOL now
#luke newton#colin bridgerton#polin#lukola#bridgerton#bridgerton has a bullying problem- from kanthony fans to benophie (i see y'all with your anti blogs and your mean opinions) to polin#y'all lukolas say you're fans but most of you are the ones microanalyzing and feeling entitlement to this dude#and you know what?#jakola#because y'all straight up sip the hateraid and lbsr rn and call a spade a spade: you don't know this jack (jake? idk and idc) dude#you don't care about his achievements and aren't fans of his 'work'#you just want your stand-in avatar nic to have male attention as if male validation is the end all be all of a woman's success#and you see luke as the stand in for all the men who hurt you in the past but like he is literally not doing anything and y'all will be mad#and project that he somehow hurt nic as well by 'rejecting' her for his girlfriend who you hate because lbr she's conventionally attractive#when NICOLA Is conventionally attractive TOO ffs#how dare y'all make me step up to bat for a white man this way#leave him alone#aren't you exhausted?#'he didn't like xyz social media post and his girlfriend gives me the ick and he's not posting and appeasing me and blahblahblah' shut up#like y'all shut down at someone so much as raising their voice at you or posting some mild criticism for your bad takes#but you expect a man who has openly revealed his ADHD and anxiety to be the punching bag for all your vitriol#because he's not living his life in a way YOU approve of? like who are YOU to dictate how someone does and does not exist on this earth?#do some soul searching#do i love Luke's acting and want more of it and for him to star in everything i wanna watch? of course#but rn i'm gently cradling his face going 'baby you should RUN' because y'all are the PITS#YOU are the problem#one day y'all will realize that
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Oh you have complicated feelings towards Germany? Let me make 91836373 assumptions about it with my piss poor understanding of history, not listen to germans at all and then come to a horrendously bad and false conclusion on why that is! Also I think you germans should stop feeling guilty and be proud of your country again!
#I know people mean well when they say stuff like you should be proud of your country but my fucking god they are annoying#rains rants#german stuff#''I'm sure now that I a random person with no connection to germany commented this somewhere with my obvious zero understanding of germany-#all germans reading this will go 'oh hey you're right' and then feel patriotic! I'm sure my dumb comment will solve a what I regard#as issue of an entire country with a population of 80 million people! no need to thank me and my superior world view!''#sorry had to let that out somewhere.. the amount of times I see stupid ass comments like that is insane#ough post derailed I should've specified how I ment this sorry I get easily annoyed at this#The notes reinforce something I specifically did NOT mean but I didn't specify that in the post that was just in my thoughts#hate the reinforcement of the 'guilt' stereotype or the as long as we deal with nazis and stuff we aren't 'allowed' to be proud like no-#wait this isn't what this was about. Yes they're all still own topics to be discussed#although the last point doesn't exist agh forget everything I said actually#it's learning from history and taking responsibility not we can't be proud because some people are antisemitic and our past is dark#I should've turned off reblogs way earlier
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my dear rain, rest be assured i am here to match your freak!
*taps mic* is this thing on? okay here we go— it's surprisingly hard to find anything else rattling around my brain except watching tobio at every adler game, and every single time, without fail, your heartbeat picks up as you watch him basically spike a monster serve into their opponent's court, the cheers that erupt from you when he gets a no-touch ace, or when he sets a super quick set to the sides. gods the heat that rush to your cheeks when he has nonchalant thinking game face on, the screams he draws from you in the locker room after their victory—
(i will be expanding on your ask in a few moments *giggle*)
okay no but the way you'd be able to feel the weight of his serves when he pounds the ball across the court, bc you know how strong he is and you've felt it -- being pinned down beneath him with just one of his arms holding both your wrists, him frowning if you try to tug free, bc quite frankly, he doesn't quite know what to do with the realization that he likes it when you struggle just a bit, when you try to pull away, he likes knowing how easy it'd be to hoist you up if he wanted to, or hold you up against the wall, your legs around his hips, pin you to the lockers, leave the changing room door unlocked cause yeah sure, someone might walk in, but he figures if you're screaming loud enough, people oughtta know not to just walk in, right?
right? yeah.
(also, what if i'm thinking about u playing "nasty" in the car on the way back from the match when he's still all sweaty but wound up, muscles aching, but the sight of you mouthing the words just riles him up even more and --)
#🌧 raindrops#⋆˚✿˖° match my freak#⛈ monsoon season#𐙚 the feelings mutual#kageyama tobio#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#haikyuu smut#kageyama tobio smut#i know the tags aren't working but im too ocd not to tag - alas#cool COOL COOL cool cooL everythings FINE#this is what mental health looks like
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Do the siblings ever Show Lucifer the testament god left about him? Man's gotta be depressed already over something so preventable :[
did something a bit different and wrote a small one-shot for this - it's an idea i've had stuck in my head, about just what it would mean for lucifer to find god's regret and how it could possibly find a way into a mind so thoroughly consumed with hatred for him (~1300 words)
Lucifer stands frozen before the terminal, locked into an infinitely receding space that reduces everything that surrounds him to a single room. A single display. He is impossibly small, flattened, compressed into it until only he and this feeble echo of God remain. A poor replica of what they once had been at the start of everything, just before creation exploded out into its unfathomable expanse when Lucifer was bursting with light and God was the entire universe. Lucifer now, a smoldering, hollow shell and God only words on a screen.
Nothing like His true voice. A language of images and abstractions woven into visual song.
If this was the way it was always meant to end, that would be its only justification. A long game, a damnation incomplete until it brought him before this one screen and the meager text displayed on it. How insignificant, how indifferent they are, the very banality of evil. Lucifer would read the words until they began to blur together and he could make them out as some trick of Hell, how he strains to hear laughter thrumming through its halls. But it’s quiet, almost distant, as though the prison itself has retreated from him now. And how it should.
All of this, come to nothing.
The pitiful flame still in his belly burns in a terrible ache, that last living part of God unable to withstand this regret. It never had to be, the first and oldest tragedy rendered meaningless. The thought locks into his mind, rapidly consuming it until he has nothing else beneath it or before it. He would dig his fingers into his own eye if tearing it out would take away what he now knows. It was so much better to think his beloved Father had turned to hatred of him for reasons he would never parse, he could live in perfect hatred toward Him in kind if that was their fate. He hated, and hated, and hated, devoured whole and corrupted down to his very core, his entire fabric, to turn into an antithesis of his maker. Thousands of years immeasurable to become the distilled poison of God, eviscerated by his grief and carrying all the bodies of those dead angels in his own to cultivate a vile evil unknown to any other than Lucifer.
But it was never returned. Lucifer perpetually and ever all-ignorant, loved endlessly by a Father that had sent him so far it had devoured God just as it had the Devil. How he would have helped, false memories crashing into his mind to temporarily dislodge that one looping, intractable truth – if God had found an answer for him in that moment, if He had responded in truth to His child’s anxiety. How Lucifer would have served Him then, risen up to be the perfect son in the mold he had been made and how his love would have burned ever brighter in the face of it. A whole history that would have been unravels in an instant, showing all of what he could have been in full clarity.
And Lucifer recoils from it.
He does not feel that way his hands begin to burn, molten cracks bursting all along the cindered remains of his arm and shining through his gutted insides. The light of God Himself, so torturous to the walls of Hell all around him that it screams, writhing and twisting but unable to eject him from the terminal before him, unable to shut the room away in the face of the very primordial force that had made it. Flames burst forth, flashing in now terribly billowing smoke, threatening to consume the entire space yet nullified instantly by the shrill light of the sun, the very essence of the Celestial Rose petrifying all it now touches.
Lucifer flares, the mantle of his flames consuming his broken body barely able to now sustain them, the train of his wings corroding every surface they touch. The dead air breathes into life not meant for it and so dies a second time, Hell rushing to quarantine his fire as it rapidly spreads to turn its body necrotic. Lucifer himself too burned down, his ashes crying out against his own awful divinity and yet he feels none of it. He sees only the words in front of him.
AN ANGEL SO BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL ASKED ME THIS…
His right hand finds the terminal screen, display flickering and just as soon burning through, before he even touches it.
AND I CAST LUCIFER, TOO, INTO THE INFERNAL DEN
Upon slightest contact, the metal and circuitry of the terminal are no more and he is flooded with the holy word instead.
ONCE I REALIZED WHAT I HAD JUST DONE…
I COULD ONLY WEEP
It strikes down to his core, sending deep pulses of an unspeakable, unfathomable grief through his reignited flames. Lucifer retracts into himself for the pain, for the abundant, wracking tears that burn away before they can even leave his eye. Yet in them, his world rapidly begins to expand again, away from the words he’s now eliminated, away from the memories of a life that could have been. The Testament explodes through his mind, God’s true voice in the unlimited capacity only ever heard by Lucifer and now rejected by him in his immutable hatred. It is done.
Soon, he hears the wailing of Hell; Lucifer casts his gaze finally unfrozen to a room now greatly altered around him. His hand is badly broken open, embers left behind in a flame that has once again fallen into a deep sleep, but he has done much more damage to his friend. It feels his regret and knows his apologies, evident through its slow quieting as Lucifer himself straightens to stand once more. He moves himself quickly over now ashen ground, not wishing to prolong the residual trembling left in it; he departs from what’s left of the room and it is gone behind him. Excised, and all is silent. He supposes they won’t speak for a while now.
He steps back out into a part of Hell barely recognizable as such – A dawn slowly breaks over the water stretching out in front of him. The sun is steady rising, sedate as it comes over the horizon in soft washes of color he remembers once painting himself. How now his ignorance has been reduced, seemingly to a cruel extent and yet it’s so much smaller than it seems. He had seen the alternative in what could have been, and he sees it now in this morning. To paint always, to serve forever.
If his Father had loved him all that time, if He had regretted His choice each passing day and if it contributed to His own demise…it can only be Good. God had loved him so, and Lucifer had grown in hatred in those same exact days. God’s sorrow and His death do nothing to him, they cannot change what He Himself had made in His first son – Godly, sinless hatred. He imprisoned Lucifer in the deepest pit, made him wholly wretched and placed all ugliness, all blame, all suffering onto one child to preserve His Paradise. Yet in butchering him so, He had freed him from unending, unthinking servitude.
The Archangels that had brought him there gather to him cautiously. They know Hell has swallowed the room he had stood in, they can see the damage done to his hand – Raphael offers to heal him, but no more words are exchanged. It would be pointless to elucidate his feelings anyway, all of them unable to comprehend just what he has become and what he now wishes to be. He was born illuminated with Love, the Prince of Heaven and High Priest of the choirs, and to this day he could be singing the constant refrain of the seraphim around the throne of God in his once perpetual adoration. What a small, incomplete world he would have lived in.
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heaven.
#john milton's ghost WILL eventually haunt me#i wrote this while i should have been studying oohgghaaa#but i've wanted to get this out so thank you anon....#really his greatest regret at this point are those that died#he does feel responsible for it in many ways#yet he knows that too was god's decision. he did it all.#ultimately i think everything now can only reaffirm his hatred#he will never forgive. never.#cake answers#lucifer#god (oc)#rise and fall au#doodle tag#ALSO i realize the terminal screens aren't. reflective. BUT WHATEVER!!!!
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i have a headcanon that the Listeners have a power where they Mimic voices/sounds very well
and im watching Martyn's 3rd life series rn and he keeps making Mob noises at people and scaring the shit out of them
i'll b normal abt this
#I FEEL CRAZY#things that aren't Anything but Everything to me#i dont know a whole lot abt hte listeners im sitll working onit phphph#im just siwtching between grian and martyn's series rn. griansis 3 hours and martyn's is damn near 7 AUGH
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#not to make such a basic post#but good god... I love teasing people...#being tickled is great and all but hhhhh...#god I love being a ler#I am a shy ler and a gentle ler... and one who is easily flustered by a lee's reactions to being tickled... but lord have mercy...#if you let me tickle you... and especially if you lean into it or submit to me...#I will give you all the tickling you can stand#I will tease you with every taunt I know... I will call you cute... I will tell you what a great lee you are#I will say your spots out loud and let you dread/eagerly await being tickled there...#I will use every trick in the book to fluster and make you laugh...#Yes I am shy#Yes I will be flustered by you#But I am service oriented to my core and I will do everything I can to make sure you enjoy yourself as much as possible#I just love making people feel good and comfortable and happy#Like... what an honor to GET to do that for someone...#Yes I like being tickled... but giving that to someone else... nothing compares#That someone would even be willing to be that vulnerable... to let me make them laugh in such an uncontrollable way... or even if#they aren't a lee who laughs or who isn't particularly ticklish... whatever reactions they have#even if it's just grinning and enjoyment... even if it's just twitching... even if it sounds like whimpers or squeaks#I love all of it#ugh#I love all of it you guys#brainrot
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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before#and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed#and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way#i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think#i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks
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