#and i have to get through 6 months
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It's a 'lay face down in a puddle' kind of day
#im not even through the first month#and i have to get through 6 months#i want to go home#i want to be able to go out and do things#i hate hate hate the small town politeness as compared to the big city#i dont want to make small talk with the cashier#i want to pay for my groceries and say 'thank you have a nice day' and be on my way#i want to dress like myself again#and wear makeup and jewelry#i want to live#not just sit around and wait#op
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feelin kinda sad so eating an obscene amount of pasta
#YukiPri rambles#it's nothing serious#just have had a stream of unfortunate disappointments#nothing major and each time i'm like well ok that could have been worse and i'm glad it wasn't#but the cumulative result is just me kinda feeling droopy inside despite trying to continue lookin chipper outside#'wilted' i think is best descriptor for me rn#trying to tell myself that retail therapy isn't the answer here#In case folks are curious#the disappointments are:#1) dad was in a car accident and no one was hurt but gave me a huge scare#2) was given a day off at work in exchange for working a weekend and was looking forward to both#but they asked me last minute nevermind come in instead and i had to cancel all the plans i'd made and couldn't reschedule#3) movie i wanted to see on said day off is no longer playing in local theaters so it's either convince mum to drive an hour or give up#4) had an afternoon tea planned with mum and her friends and was looking forward to it for a month and only eating out this month#had reservations and outfit picked out and everything#but then a few days before landlord scheduled repairs for that day and wouldn't listen when we said we had plans#so i stayed home so mum could go and i'm glad she could go but sad#5) went to work this morning and there'd been a flood in the office from a customer leaving the bathroom sink running#and the torrent of water came down on my desk specifically ruining all of my books/personal stuff#i got reimbursed but it's just really sad bc some of those things were free/gifts that i can't get back and i hate throwing out books#especially ones i never got to read but they were completely drenched through and unsalvageable...#6) had an outing planned this weekend i was really looking forward to but we probably can't go bc weather is bad#i think there were a few others but that's most of the big ones#i am wilted and just want to curl up and not move
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i said in another post i was rping loop in a multifandom rp group and i'm having a lot of fun! so much fun that i made a giant doodle sheet of loop's glitch....that i haven't even gotten to rp yet but am so excited to im getting carried away. whoops
(in the context of the group, think of glitching like in spiderverse, they don't belong in this new world/dimension so their existence rejects it. we can do whatever we want for glitches so i just made loop's that they get their humanity back. yknow. for misery whenever they unglitch and go back to being a star [thumbs up])
i think my favorite here might just be the Go there Go Into the Dark catcrumb edit lmao
#isat spoilers#in stars and time#loop isat#isat loop#isat siffrin#siffrin isat#loops agonies are so much fun to write when siffrins already in the group and like#imagine losing your humanity and guiding another version of you through time loops all while having VERY complicated feelings on him#AND JUST AS YOU DISAPPEAR ON A GOOD NOTE YOU GET ISEKAI'D AND APPARENTLY STARDUST HAS ALREADY BEEN HERE FOR 6 MONTHS#AND HE SAYS THERES NO WAY HOME ON PURPOSE AND YOU JUST GOTTA TWIDDLE YOUR THUMBS they are!!! agonized!!!#blessing and curse that siffrin was already there bc theyre both like 'i kinda hate it here BUT im relieved and upset youre here too'#'because now im not alone but damn i dont want you to hate it here too!'#uuuuuuuugHHHHHH siffrin and loop....their mutual illnesses..... IM ill......
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✨MASTERLIST✨
(fanart, longfics, oneshots)
Welcome to my blog!!! Here is my masterlist of ALL of my little sketches, artwork, writing, and general brainrot related to Hogwarts Legacy💘
🌿 - Madeleine / Maddy / myokk
🌱 - AO3
🌿 - likes and follows come from my main blog, @oerflink, because this is a sideblog (🥲)
🌱 - Eloise Babbit, my MC and basically the whole reason for this blog🫶 I don’t necessarily view her as the game’s MC, as my fic is quite canon-divergent and she is sweeter than the evil gremlin I played in-game😆💓 [link to her character sheet]
🌿 - my art tag🫶🫶🫶 here you can see basically every drawing I've done since joining the fandom!
🌱 - tag for all of the art the lovely people here have gifted me🥹🥹🥹 I feel SO honored whenever anyone takes time out of their day to think of me and draw my little gremlin♥️♥️
Writing:
Before It Felt Like A Sin (AO3 / tumblr - ongoing)
Sebastian Sallow x F!MC, canon divergent, longfic, wip, dual pov Eloise/Sebastian
Summary: Eloise never wanted to be different.
And yet, her differences are what have defined her life up until this point: growing up as a squib in one of the most prominent wizarding families, being exiled to muggle society, and then attending Hogwarts at the age of sixteen.
She finds herself thrust into the life she should have been prepared for from birth but was denied. As she navigates this new life and her new precarious position in her family, she must come to terms with the fact that maybe what she dreamed of her whole life isn't turning out how she ever expected it would.
Tags: slow burn, angst, magical theory, mythology references, pureblood culture, occlumency, legilimency, hurt/comfort, family dynamics, eventual romance, eventual smut, sacrificial magic, blood magic, dark magic rituals, implied/referenced child abuse
[coming soon] - an excerpt from the Ominis longfic I’m working on💘
Oneshots:
clumsy (AO3 / tumblr)
pairing: Sebastian Sallow x f!MC
word count: 9,1k
rating: E
summary: sebastian is clumsy.
or: two stubborn brats make things more difficult than they have to be.
cw: fluff, mutual pining, idiots in love, two really stubborn idiots in love to be exact, sir cadogan guest appearance, anne and imelda are the gremlin best friends every girl needs, smut (18+ ONLY), oral (f. recieving), no y/n
note-taking (AO3 / tumblr)
pairing: Sebastian Sallow x f!MC
word count: 3,6k
rating: M (language and sexual themes)
summary: mc loves flustering sebastian with her notes during class😇
cw: NONE this is just fluff, mutual pining, idiots in love, it takes a while for them to admit their feelings, I rated it M for some language/sexual themes
legilimency (AO3 / tumblr)
pairing: Ominis Gaunt x f!MC
word count: 1,7k
rating: M (language)
summary: (His parents and Marvolo insist it’s a gift handed down from Slytherin himself, just like the Parseltongue Ominis despises. It is not. It is a curse.)
or: The Gryffindor student has caught on that Ominis can read her thoughts and decides to get her revenge.
tags: ominis is a natural legilimens, he is entirely too introspective, fluff, no y/n
remembering the snow (AO3 / tumblr / tumblr (old))
pairing: Imelda Reyes x Poppy Sweeting
word count: 3,3k
rating: G
summary: Imelda remembers the first time she saw snow.
Her parents always started the story telling her that she cried and cried and cried.
or: a character study on Imelda and how she grew up because I love her & she doesn't get enough appreciation :)
tags: character study, fluff, romance, first kiss, emotional hurt/comfort, I just wanted to write a sweet story & explore Imelda as a character
Illustrated scenes:
(aka where I illustrate little scenes from my longfic and oneshots💓)
🌿 - the summer before Sebastian and Anne’s first year at Hogwarts🥺💓
🌱 - Sebastian hates Eloise’s guts😳
🌿 - Eloise is really, really bad at chess😔 (this scene always makes me laugh SO MUCH)
🌱 - right after the pensieve scene🫶🫶🫶
🌿 - Eloise and Sebastian’s first kiss😇😇😇
🌱 - some angst after their first kiss😇😇😇
🌿 - sebastian overthinks things a lot😔
🌱 - an excerpt from my oneshot, clumsy💘
🌿 - another scene from my clumsy 🫶 I really love writing Sebastian’s pov & this was just so much fun to paint and write😫💓
🌱 - Eloise and her mother😔
🌿 - Eloise is NOT flustered by Sebastian😤
🌱 - late night in the common room 🫠
🌿 - comic of note-taking 😇
🌱 - right before *that* scene in clumsy 🫶 (as requested by Mallow bc of the lighting🤭)
#hmmmmm I had a lot of fun making this & obviously I need to actually sort through my disaster blog and add more links/organuzation/etc#this is what 6 months of procrastination gets you🥲🥲#when I started posting in April I didn’t care but now it kind of stresses me out#also I chose this picture bc a) it’s horizontal; but b) choccy said it was one of her favorites#and it IS cute#and drooling Sebastian deserves to be my header for a bit😤😤#ok im going to organize my art later😵💫😵💫😵💫#also maybe there is a better way to do this??? idk I’m just making things up😭😭😭#I literally have gone quite crazy no chill since I started posting and there is SIX MONTHS WORTH OF BRAIN ROT TO SORT THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!#i just focused on the writing for now bc it’s a) what I like the best and b) easiest to sort through#but I really want to put links to all of my art & organize it#& ALSO put links to all of the amazing art I’ve been gifted🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 even if it’s just for me to go back and look through😌🙏#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow fanart#sebastian sallow x mc#ominis gaunt#ominis gaunt fanfiction#hogwarts legacy fanfic#sebastian sallow fic
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what do you mean the gaming channel has been back for half a year already???
#dnp#dan and phil#i love it#i have zero concept of time#because what do you mean it was 6 months ago and not last week?#6 months??#but then again because they upload frequently weeks seem to fly by#it'll help me get through all my final exams#(btw not *today* it's just that the realisation hit me today)#phan#dip and pip
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another coggoro sae palace au that never panned out + dog :)
#i dont know enough about sae's psyche to see how it would work#but. akechi playing games w/ ppl is very fun to me#slowly realizing that i dont sketch down ideas#i thought i had way more orz#dw !!!! we'll get through this#< lying#persona 5#p5#persona 5 royal#p5r#procreate#2022#goro akechi#persona 5 protagonist#akira kurusu#ren amamiya#3 hours#taitavva sketches#will i b able to find enough sketches to keep this up? maybe#currently cursing my prof rn#wdym ur making us do 6 major assignments#in the span of two months#I HAVE OTHER CLASSES !!!!!!!
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See how my hair is once again messy? Very demure, very mindful
#me#self#selfie#I swear every photo I take my hair looks like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards#literally washed it today and everything#look how long it’s getting thoughhhhhh#how long do we give it before I have a mental breakdown and cut it all off again?#I give it like 6 months maybe#also probably gonna change the colour at some point because I’m getting borrreedd#anyway if you’re still here hi
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I'm really not vibing with whatever staff is doing now. Not only does there seem to be a total internal communication breakdown, there also seems to be an absolute disregard for how the players are affected by this.
Like, ignoring the fact that the consistency argument doesn't even hold water, their takeaway from the Fern/Paisley thread seems to have been "oh we gotta change Breakup and Hypnotic too!!"
And then completely reversing Sandsurge Blend on top of that? A gene that's been out for over half a year and was only listed as having the gradient softened, not reversed? Just a total failure to communicate and an absolute bullheadedness in pushing the changes through despite the very reasonable player concerns?
To top it all off, none of these are bug changes, they are style changes. Someone saw these genes before they went live, greenlighted them, and put them in the game. And now, months upon months later, someone else (presumably) says "fuck that, I want the gene to look like this instead" and that complete change is just... pushed through??
Like. Did they learn nothing from the Butterfly debacle, from Obelisk Flair, hell, from the Eyepocalypse?
What the fuck is going on behind the scenes?
#flight rising#snaphance rambles#i don't fucking know man#yeah rushing out ancients is an absolute mistake#but also why has “consistency” suddenly become so important to them?#they've done so many drastic changes in the name of “consistency” like changing the rarities of genes that have been out for 8+ years#and now they completely ignore the breed/gene variety they themselves have created#“this totally changes the dragon for no reason let's push it through”#actually the auraboa changes make them worse and far more cluttered#they already struggle with being extremely busy#so let's just revert those very nice gene designs that actually make them more readable#who cares if our players have invested in these dragons and have had like 3-6 months to get attached to them#let's flatten the fucking auraboa secs and completely change the look of sandsurge blend#because they clearly don't play their game or understand how players get attached to how their dragons look
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The fuck am I supposed to do when the Teeth of God tour ends
#sleep token#what to you mean no more Summoning shenanigans until November??#no more silly hats#these concerts clip have been getting me through the past month tf do I do now 😭#fuckin wait 6 months I guess
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did they already unban tiktok 😃
#IT WORKS FOR ME ??????????#screaming the way i spent HOURSSS YESTERDAY GOING THROUGH AND SAVING ALL MY VIDEOS#HAHAHHAHAHAHA I MEAN I GUESS ITS GOOD#BUT AAAAGHHHHHH#it reminds me of when hospital systems and health insurance companies get into those ‘fights’#where the health insurance company does something evil so the hospital is like ‘um okay ??? we won’t accept your health insurance then’#and it’s this weird stalemate that ALWAYS ends with both sides going back to ‘normal’#but it’s just ass for all the patients who get stressed out that they won’t be able to see their doctors anymore#ANYWAYS . side tangent HAHAHAHAHAHHAA#but WHY DID WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS ??????#ANYWAYS . welcome back tik tok i guess ?????#(or its just bc i haven’t updated the app in 6 months . who knows!!!!!)#q speaks
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in my new uquiz i ask the question in all your hearts, are you even good enough to have imposter syndrome?
#yeah it only has seven results im still exhausted from that god quiz with 35 results#if this reads as really tonally incoherent i have literally come back to this about 15 times#like this went through so many iterations. i was originally going to be really mean#but why would i do that?#ive just got to post because its never going to be what i want it to be#ok so now for the most important tag#mashmouths#you said this would be a good one to do next like 6 months ago and i have been struggling ever since then to get it done#this one's for you#quiz#uquiz#etc
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How evil is arlecchino and what is she cooking
As of 4.2, I’m really curious what they’re planning with Arlecchino as a character, especially as a villain/antagonist/morally dubious character, and how far/which direction they may go with that
Intuitively my impression is we’ll see her do something way more “villainous” than she presents herself as being for majority of Fontaine’s AQ in front of us right—(which isn’t a surprise given that, you know, Arlecchino nor the House of Hearth have never been presented as 110% ethical LOL) but I find myself not being in complete agreement with most analysis or speculation threads I see about Arlecchino’s morality and the like, level of sinister people seem to ascribe to her.
Idk how to put it, especially in regards to her children I do agree they are not a wholesome found family, that Arlecchino is not above pulling strings or using them for her own ulterior motives, but I kind of hesitate on the idea she only cares about the Hearth children as a means to the end/things she can control and there’s nothing else going on with her characterization wise there. I’m not saying that impression seems remotely unreasonable or unfounded, but just that it feels there’s something intentionally missing in how we are supposed to conceptualize her as a person
My main reasoning for this hunch is the fact they have not elaborated on Arlecchino and the previous Knave—who Arlecchino is stated to have taken over the position from by force. The extra tidbits I think about are that 1) Arlecchino was previously an orphan in the Hearth 2) the previous Knave is described as way, way crueler to the children of than Heart than Arlecchino was from when she took control of the House
Often, people’s major indicators that the House of the Hearth is kind of super fucked up are the NPCs we meet in world quests who are part of it and clearly suffering. But one thing I haven’t ever seen people mention w this that i think is a very interesting detail is, in The Very Special Fortune Slip Inazuma worldquest, where we stop this House of Hearth guy (Efim Snezhevich) from manufacturing tension between Watasumi/the Shogunate to restart the war with his other Hearth subordinates, at the end of the quest we get this dialogue that reveals he had been acting under the previous Knave’s directives:
It’s also mentioned he’s employing this plan in an attempt to “rebuild the prestige of the Knave” following Signora’s death, iirc? Now, see, the dialogue itself says that this is “assuming our captive is telling the truth” so who knows what’s really going on, but I find this a really odd/interesting thing to highlight. I’m a bit fuzzy on other world quests with Hearth members, and am not saying none of them were acting and subsequently being treated poorly by our Arlecchino, but like, this gives me a lot of questions especially when paired with implications this previous Knave seemed to be way worse
Like, what drove Arlecchino to take over? How unexpected and controversial was this within the House? Assuming the above information is all true it definitely says something this guy went rogue and acted on what the previous Knave would want and didn’t think our Arlecchino would greenlight it, which does feel consistent with the previous Knave being described as basically worse & crueler than our Arlecchino. It also makes me question how much house of hearth things we’ve seen outside the main story are the work of our Arlecchino or if there’s a bigger divide of loyalty. Heck, I could be wrong but it doesn’t even seem like we know if the previous Knave is dead or not
This isn’t me saying Arlecchino couldn’t possibly be treating hearth children worse than she wants us to know, especially ones who aren’t her “favorites” the way the fontaine trio seem to be, but I really don’t feel sure about making a solid conclusion of her exact level of malice the way ppl r generally understanding it rn when it feels there’s going to be more about her. Just the idea of she, as a Hearth child, clashed with the previous leader who was known for being cruel, overtook their position and took on less harsh methods of leading that made at least some members with more power/possible closer proximity to the previous Knave go rogue and try to commit atrocities in the previous Knave’s name…I feel this leaves a lot of room to suggest there’s more going on with how Arlecchino is as a person
I don’t mind if she’s just very evil and deceptive bc if she totally had me fall for thinking she was less evil than she actually was that’s fun tbh. But I feel people suggest that’s all her character could be with no degree of like, “sympatheticness” or deep grey morality and that if her character did go there it would be automatically poor writing and genshin walking back on making a truly evil woman when IDK. I feel you can claim at this point they have left it open ended and it’s never been completely confirmed she’s pure evil. Also sometimes I just get a hunch and feel cautiously confident in Genshin executing certain characters well. Not all characters, just certain ones. Especially given Fontaine’s character writing being very good and a character like Lyney feeling very solid to me when any development with Arlecchino would likely involve him and his siblings as well, I honestly feel open to the idea of Arlecchino being satisfyingly written to be both villainous/morally dubious but “sympathetic/likable as a person” in ways outside of just her ruthlessness if that makes sense
If I’m wrong/they drop the ball with it more than I anticipate I’ll eat my hat but I am pretty excited about her character and which way they decide to go with it. I will say the only potential impression I have of where they’ll go with her has been wondering if it will go in a “cycles of abuse” direction—I’d be surprised if they ever elaborated on Arlecchino’s character especially in how she feels about things and her also growing up as an exploited child of the hearth wasn’t relevant
#arlecchino#see my track record with said hunch with when I feel I should let genshin cook has been#for months truthing my vision of xiao’s speififc brand of internalized dehumanization induced suicidal ideation#and how genshin will one day he will get another quest of sorts thst develops his character towards#the idea he’s allowed to live and enjoy people’s company and this will likely#also come with following through on yaksha lore and when they do this they will do him SO well and it will be peak genshin quest#all of this Months before the existence of perilous trails was even rumored#and then I was soo stubborn xiao would show up in 2023 lantern rite w more character introspection to follow up PT#and also from the first fontsine teaser I was in the trenches for furina bc I felt so confident#the main storyline would handle her very well & if genshin went anywhere near the direction of her#not being a ‘true archon’ & ppl were Wrong if they thought genshin woudlnt take her seriously#and HAHA. WWOOWOOWOWOEOEOOEOEE#I have also been sent into hysteria multiple times bc genshin keeps canonizing my exact ideas of my favorite character dynamics#and often exceeding my expectations that I thought were jsut wishful thinking#yes I predicted exactly how xiao would interact w Venti & zhongli on screen yes I predicted#the exact nature of hat radish friendship no I was wiped out on the floor#by nahida enrolling wanderer in college & calling him hat guy & zhongli saving xiao’s life#& xiao having hardcore social anxiety from zhongven flirting with each other st the dinner table#this sounds so conceited. see I often don’t know What genshin is cooking but k feel sure in knowing when soemthing is going to be#a shitshow or mediocre or when we need to let them cook. even if it takes 6+ months#TRUST ME <— guy who has been waiting on genshin to cook for several characters for multiple years and is still sure I will get my food#am I crazy. yes. am I also often right when I have hunches on when genshin is going to suck and when it’s going to be good esp character#writing wise. often yes#one day I will annihilate genshined impact with my bare hands#genshin#fern.txt#fandomferns
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just saw ur post. UR QUEUED OUT UNTIL MARCH?? HOLY SHIT yesssssss (i very much enjoy ur work)
yes I’m a freak of a different nature
#MWAH ty anonnie#there’s like 2 maybe 3 items in there that aren’t klance but the rest. yeah.#I was literally just going through it wrinkling my nose tho cause by the time stuff gets out it’s like 4-6 months old….#so I don’t love it anymore haha#which is good bc it means I have no emotional investment in whether it ‘does well’ or not#but yk.#I’m seriously thinking abt doing a queue purge maybe after cosmic constant does POs in celebration#I need a cleanse…. new era…..#ask#queue purge as in posting many of them at once btw lol not d#not wiping my queue
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i honestly kind of hate how tiktok has affected fandom life cycles because media (at least film, tv, games) use to be made and digested like a fine meal. nobody was scrambling to make content and milk a thing dry within a month after exhausting every conceivable idea (at least anything considered "good," g-dforbid somebody makes fan content that's morally grey and fits with the themes)
#mit.txt#honestly i find more movie through letterboxd lists and mysic through rym than i have through anything tiktok has pushed me#i love when flavour of the month horror gets watered down because people can't seem to grasp stronger themes#games pyro makes long form content have longevity in my brain more than what some person 6 years younger than me has to say#i occasionally rb horse morif mouthwash art and then i get fed somebody worried about shipping- idgaf who careeeeees 😭
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aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh
break. on my burger
#shit chat#family cw#got sicker than i have been in years my bank closed my checking account on accident work is nightmarishly busy#and my mother is sending strings of long voice memos in the family group chat again#i simply will not be listening to them. at most i'll ask my dad or brother for the sparknotes version#bc her pattern for the better part of this year has been radio silence. no attempt at communication whatsoever#and then BAM like 5-10 min worth of voice memos screaming crying sobbing shaking#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY CHILDREN TO FORGIVE ME. I'M CRAWLING ON MY KNEES ON THE DESERT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS REPENTING#WHAT THE FUCK IS FAMILY FOR YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I'M SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I'M ALONE BECAUSE#MY FAMILY ABANDONED ME. I HAVE NO ONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I'M BEGGING. I NEED HELP I NEED MY KIDDOS AROUND ME PLEASE I'M DYING#followed by several minutes of sordid updates on her shitty miserable life#which is tbf pretty shitty & miserable. she's extremely physically disabled & mentally ill#her partner had a severe stroke a couple months ago and is still recovering. they've both been in & out of hospital#neither working. partner's adult son who lives with them is the only income in the household#partner's permanently disabled mother also lives with them. plus 2 large dogs 6 cats and 3 each of chickens & ducks#they're in court suing their landlord bc he's trying to evict them but the property is an uninhabitable shithole to begin with#but like. whenever i do make the mistake of responding to one of her groupchat tantrums#she's just like 'oh you know me im a survivor :) i just miss yous is all :) now that you're here i'm gonna bitch about my life for an hour#and ignore everything you have to say and show active disdain & boredom whenever you tell me anything about yourself or your life :)'#and if i offer help she refuses it#like it's just a bid for attention. expecting unconditional love and absolution and salvation from us bc That's What Families Do#she doesn't actually seem to give a shit about any of us as real people. just this ironclad delusion of unconditional family support#that she frankly has not earned#my brother actually did go visit her in the hospital on thanksgiving. driving 2hrs out of his way to do so#and she was a raging passive aggressive bitch to him and threw the gift he'd brought her back in his face#ma'am i know you're Going Through It but so are the rest of us & frankly you've given me zero reason to want to interact w/ ur caustic ass#plus this is petty but yet another way in which she doesn't listen to me & makes no attempt whatsoever at genuine relationship#i've told her numerous times that responding to groupchat voice memos is hard for me. that i love & miss her#and if she wants to see me or needs help or whatever to please contact me one on one either by call or text#nope. refuses to respond to/initiate individual contact. ONLY traumadumping in the fam chat. TLDR MY MOM IS A DISFUNCTIONAL TOXIC NIGHTMARE.
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I was in a major car accident yesterday (got t-boned) and was very luckily a) alone in the car, as the passenger side got walloped and b) not injured. However I took care of everything and then went home and proceeded to sleep for 19 out of the following 24 hours.
#I could feel all my muscles and all of them were in pain. every ounce of my energy was sapped#I needed to eat but the thought of eating made me want to puke#I had to be driven home and I was sat in the front seat like 😵💫🫥😱 why aren't you BRAKING you need to BRAKE every two seconds#After my 24 hour reset I am now up to eating a meal. I still hurt but only the top quarter of my body instead of all of it.#I can stand the thought of being driven now but idk how long it'll be before I'm OK with driving again 🙁#I have been thinking about it like. all the time which sucks. Unfortunately my tolerance for processing negative experiences is -1000#If something bad happens to me I want to just fix the situation and move on from it immediately#and that just doesn't happen in reality. But now I'm stuck sitting with this awful experience for who knows how long :(#I'm lucky our insurance is so good it'll cover everything (but deductible obvs) and I imagine the car is fixable#All in all I'm incredibly lucky and I know that and I'm so grateful to be healthy and home with my husband and cat#But also I've had my license for 8 years and never had an accident. I've been through so much this year. This car is 1.5 months old#It just feels so unnecessary and evil for this to happen now and I feel so guilty that apparently I'm at fault#and caused this huge financial and energetic drain for my lil family when we've already dealt with fuckin everything else the past 6 months#The ''why me why today why when I'm a responsible driver'' is real and my whole shit is rocked. I'm still shaken up#I've had a few times recently where shit felt... unreal? Like I should be able to reload my save because that couldn't have just happened#And this was so vividly that way#I'm strong but like. The Cursed™️ vibe is very present#May have to do a curse break and many protection spells soon#cause this is getting ridiculous#personal
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