#and i have to actually really look bc sometimes i cant tell if I'm seeing a fly or if it's literally just the static in my vision lmao

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Pouf visual snow art,,

[sabh0]

What's your opinion on the anime? I find it pretty funny, but I can't say that I am not disappointed to see so many scenes missing.

For exemple, I wanted to see Dazai cry laugh at Chuuya's young mistress act, show that it was a joke shared by both of them, rather than one made to us at the expense of Chuuya. They took a genuinely funny moment and made me cringe SO hard for no reason T^T

God i could go on for hours about how Bones ruined this series. I'm obviously thankful we have an anime adaptation but. Well just compare bsd anime to jjk one or smth and yeah.

I will be complaining more under the cut,,

First the overall writing choices:

-Deleting or changing skk scenes to the point im not even shocked when ppl think these two actually somehow hate each other.

-The way they portrayed Sigma. They deleted half of his personality and backstory. And just speedrunned the Sky Casino arc like if seeing that place was giving them nightmares. No wonder he gets mischaracterized now.

-Tachihara's internal conflict about belonging to either Port Mafia or The Hunting Dogs? Bones never heard about it. It's not like IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT PLOT POINT.

-Akutagawa's whole character in the anime is just 'edgy and angry and bad grr'. In the manga he had some 'kind' or even seelf-reflection moments that were ommited in the anime. Like where he realizes defeating Atsushi didn't satisfy him (ship fight, season 1). Or when he gives files about the orphanage Director to Atsushi and says he won't fight him today because he lost someone impirtant to him. Sskk vs Fukuchi fight?? No scene where Sskk r helping each other walk. Instead we get Akutagwa just pushing Atsushi away. Won't even start on that last smile that looked more like another angry expression.

-THE WAY THEY CHANGED "DAZAI'S ENTRANCE EXAM" INTO SOME CURRENT TIMELINE EPISODES. IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY LIKE. THIS NOVEL WAS SO GOOD. Showing both Dazai and Kunikida's characters and partnership so well. But no. Let's just??? Put Atsushi there. Let's delete the fact this thing happened 2 years ago. And let's delete everything that was actually important about it, too.

-also some changes in the Dark Era arc. Like. Lord. Dazai is so much more emotional in the novel. His expressions r described so well. But the anime either shows him from the back at those moments (him finding out Oda was almost killed by a sniper in Ango's room) or just deletes/changes the thing (Oda dying. This scene is so emotional in the novel. From the description u can tell Dazai was crying/on the verge of it as Odasaku died. But in the anime he looks calm and then we get a far aeay frame and he just. Gets up and that's it yeah.) They also deleted the scene of him visiting Oda's grave.

-The way they rushed seasons 4 and 5. Just to give us an episode that goes further than the manga and has the shittiest writing ever when it comes to skk's plan revelation (im so angry about this u guys have no idea. I sincerely believe that if this episode never came out, the manga would go differently bc there's no way that Asagiri who wrote things like Stormbringer suddenly thought that some dollar store vampire make up will fool a guy who's centuries old and literally lived next to vampires. But well!! Seems like these two speeches Dazai gave weren't important at all and now we can just forget about them yippiee)

I could definitely mention WAYY more examples of that but this is already long af. Like guys. I know u cant fit everything in an animated show. It takes time to make it and all but. Bro. The character's in the anime r so shallow compared to their original versions.

.

Now onto the artstyle of the anime.

Lord. U know? It was actually pretty in the first 2 seasons. The official arts at the time were also really nice to look at.

No idea what happened later. Why did Bones suddenly decide that those ugly turtle smiles r gonna become the main thing in the character design. Why so many fisheyes. Atp sometimes i look at the official art and i go oh lord even i could fix it. It really feels like they draw some characters ugly on purpose now (Chuuya being the main victim for unknown reasons).

Tho i must say they have their moments even now. Some last episodes of season 5 weren't really bad, especially the Meursault part (love them for animating Dazai and Sigma dancing so well. And for that 101 animation. And maybe for the heartattack they gave me with 109 and Chuuya shooting Dazai so many times.)

.

On some other things, i really like the music! Bsd openings and endings never miss,,,

[signanothername]

Ayo, how are u?

So i have to ask even if i already did it- just because sometimes i got really tempted to do it but i don't really want to bother you

So, you don't mind if i (or other people) randomly pin you in some post right? Sometimes i see a post that for some reason reminds me of your blog (i see it a lot actually, especially if it is related to Killer), but i just get embarrassed in the most of the times, at the same time i really wanted to interact with u more

I know people do this to you and others a lot (usually people you seem to have some often interaction?) i just want to make sure I'm not looking like a creepy or being annoying (bc i just like your art and way of dealing with the blog)

And i just don't notice those things for some reason, and I'm not a very smart person when come to socialize so i got pretty bad experiences what means i said awkward things without noticing lololololol

If it isn't explicit written on my face i cant understand it properly (ofc i know basic human limits, okay? I'm just a little slow)

Anyways probably embarrassing myself for this but as my brain don't work properly i have to ask

Sorry to bother

and for the bad english

:)

Hello!! I’m doing good!

And you’re not a bother at all! <333

And yes, it’s completely ok to tag me in posts! Whatever post you like, it doesn’t even have to be fandom related! I love seeing what people tag me in <3333

If you tag me and I don’t reblog or reply or at least let you know i saw it within a week at least, assume I missed it within the many notifications I get, I try to keep up with notifications, but sometimes it’s genuinely really hard to, so please feel free to send me an ask (I always check my inbox) telling me you tagged me in something , so I’d look for your tag <333

But yes, I love when people tag me in things, you’re allowed to tag me in as many posts as you’d like, the only condition I have, is that you please don’t tag me in posts surrounding controversy or discourse, otherwise, please feel free to tag me as much as you like <33333

(And your English is really good! <333)

[stiffyck]

I’m so fucking in love with the desert alien scar au like YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. I love fictional alien species so much this is scratching such a good part of my brain-

That being said, what does it look like when Scar burrows himself in the sand? Like does he completely submerge himself or only leave like his head peeking out? DOES HE WIGGLE IN THE SAND LIKE A SNAKE DOES TO GET COMFY??? And does Grian realize that Scar was proposing to him with the flowers or…

also. Does Scar grow his hair out long bc he likes how warm it is???

aAAAAA SDJFSDK YESSSS! OKAY OKAY SO SCAR BURROWING HIMSELF IN THE SAND. ALL OF THE OPTIONS CAN HAPPEN. SOMETIMES HE'LL BURROW COMEPLETELY, SOMETIMES HIS HEAD WILL STICK OUT. DEPENDS ON THE MOOD. AS LONG AS ITS WARM AND COMFY THATS ALL SCAR NEEDS SDFHJBS.

The hair. maybe! I haven't thought about his hair much in this au so! possibly!!!!!

And finally. No, Grian has no idea Scar proposed to him. The way Grian finds out is actually a funny little scene we talked about sdjkfns.

basically. Scar thinks he and Grian are married since Grian accepted the flowers. and- actually? im gonna copy paste the rambles i have for this already:

Mumbo who Scar feels so safe with because he knows hes not gonna tell anyone anything he shows him or ask invasive questions or touch his ears etc. And mumbo whos so curious but doesnt wanna be pushy or too curious or anything. Scar who asks Mumbo if hes curious about where he comes from, what he is. Mumbo admitting that yea hes curious, but if Scar doesnt wanna share hes not gonna push... And Scar from then on sharing little bits and pieces of information about his culture and customs. He mentions one time that where hes from, they propose by giving someone a flower.

One time mumbo sees a beautiful flower field and thinks about Scar and decides to give him flowers.... He forgot what giving flowers means to Scar. Then Scar getting really blushy and stuttering and Mumbo cant figure out why simple flowers would make him so flustered....

Then imagine Mumbo sitting up in the middle of the night realising "OH MY GOD I JUST PROPOSED TO SCAR" Cue Mumbo running to Grian and waking him up at ass o'clock like "GRIAN WHAT DO I DO I MARRIED SCAR BY ACCIDENT"

Bonus point if thats how Grian finds out hes married to Scar. Mumbo panicking and going to Grian and Grian going "how do you accidentally propose to someone-" And Mumbo saying that in Scars culture they propose by givignn flowers and Grian goes silent before "oh my god I'M married to Scar!"

I'm very normal about them as you can see

[2036sator]

hiiii :3 what r ur opinions on the characters in the cgvl and lha? Character wise, design wise, etc... (including freedom guy 🤭) I'm just really curious :3

[[ AA dude i’m gonna go so in depth w/ this !!!! this is personally from what I recently discovered from these characters so , i am kinda new to LHA and CGVL ,, not freedom guy tho lolol ]]

[[ Let’s start with LHA ^_^ ]]

> FREEDOM GUY - design wise … absolutely cool i can’t really explain how much i enjoy doodling him no matter what design he has , always loved the old design !! Red scarf is iconic to him and made him stand out even if its a bit plain… but other than the old design, new design kitt recently has made im ssooooooo inlove with how he became so …. HE LOOKS SASSY AT ONE POINT LOOOKING AT HIM FOR HOURS . his old design with his iconic hands on his hips pose already made me think he was all shiny sassy star that everyone praises of lllolololol 7_7 character wise by personality is great overall , he’s a code yet he is so , humane that being the therapist plus saviour is tiring even for a code sobbbb ilove gushing about freedom guy if u can’t tell

> FROST - design wise ? Love it . I would say that I love drawing Frost as well as much as I love to draw Freedom Guy :3 Character wise … very kewl…. I need to see more of frost stuff ………

> TANGERINE - DESIGN WISE AAHHHH OHMYGOD I have something for orange sticks idk why but she looks so cool i never actually noticed she even had like scars until i went thru deep into the LHA bloggers just to noticed she has like two or three scars like WHAT !!! Character wise , If she went to my school I would wanna be her friend tbh she seems fun to be around ^_^

> CION - Design wise is just… chefs kiss , I love drawing her marble head and drawing her in my design where she has like kind of maybe water ish? Or fire ish blob around it just bc I can’t see her with hair so instead I just made blobs that made to look like she has hair el o el ,,,overallll!! Super cool I love cloaks … Character wise is yes , just yes . Ilove the looks can be deceived like how Cion and Tangerine is the same just different fonts

> LUCKY - hhhahah lucky block…. I made Lucky’s head more not circular bc srsly I would totally believe lucky if xe told me xe was birthed from a lucky block. So it’s more geometrical? Character wise ilove xem ilove hackers and I don’t know much of Lucky ,,,still xe’s super cool either way

== WOOOOO CGVL IS NEXT ==

> SCRIBBLES - from what ive seen im surprised this is actually and technically the leader of cgvl and its just , a little scribble stick ( in a positive way not insulting ) , probably my favourite... ( i cant decide with scribs and rose ) ,,, character wise!!! ive seen a little bit of scribbles story and im cheering so hard scribs is so cool and with the programmer lore and everything going on is super interesting and all overall really cool character , easy to doodle when im bored in school

> VIX - oh jeez . can we get vix neutered . / LIGHTHEARTED JOKE ... Unique creature , i love the head design even though it sometimes confuses me when i try to doodle the back of vix :9 ., character wise .. freaky .... you a freak girl!!! also!!! I LOVE cannibal characters when they're all actually attached to a person then they soemtimes can't get over the thought of eating them ( filling them with guilt ) i love when cannibals feel bad for what they are ( technically its a parasite for vix's case but still!!! )

>ROSE - ohhhhhhhhh i almost tripped when i saw rose , pink characters save me ... shes so pretty by the design wise category .. made me jealous of her gender smhhhh.... character wise , mischievous thief and i would let her steal my whole house if she wanted to

> GEO - i wanna squeeze geo but i cant :( character wise by what ive seen from like interactions(?) and lore , its really interesting and really cool ( reminds me of another interest i have but who cares ) still i understand how frost would baby geo

> ENTI & BUG ( NO IMAGE NOOOOOO MY LIMIT NOOOOOO ) - big guys so cool they would absolutely obliterate me . i dont know them much but i wanna know more about them .... i need itt...

[dearweirdme]

you know I have always been one of the first in lines fighting to defend Tae from that rumor, I'm 100% positive that is mediaplay still but something shifted these days as in yes it was mediaplay but ultimately Tae did choose to take part in that paparazzi walk( albeit he didn't look happy at all I think I have reasons to believe that even if he was somehow coerced he probably was made to feel like he had some negotiation power too) and honestly I guess I felt more adamant to defend him bc i saw how much he tried to fight the tide and separate himself from all of that ( the wv live in the airport, these insta pic changes being the last example etc and seeing ppl disrespecting his agency and his right to state himself his own truth really pissed off me a lot ) but I started to think these last days what's the point in him doing all of that when he agreed to do that walk and he must know what would happen otherwise why did he even agreed, what is he even fighting himself doing little things to separate himself from being associated to this person when he will forever be associated,for the gp and fandom itself and as you said once this will be in the historial of his live forever? By doing all of that it's like he made us, the fans who cared for him and were paying attention to him fr want to defend him too and literally fight air because there is nothing to defend when he did that walk, when the purpose of that walk being met. I'm not saying he did any of that with the purpose of having fans fighting on his name at all, I don't think so but that's what happened, I guess I'm feeling disappointed these days bc i see no need for him to even fight against all of this when this issues reached the levels it did when he chose to do the walk. I'm also disappointed bc i think anything he might do that would have been considered brave and important about his identity before loses weight completely now, him smooching jk's cheek on the party and uploading it, him being bold etc bc no one but a small group of ppl considered delusional by everyone will see this for what it is. He can do a lot now only bc no one it's going to take him/it seriously.

I used to be pissed by Holland behavior that one time but I even kinda can get the frustration now. Tae is safe or at least has reduced the risk at a minimum now to do whatever bc everyone thinks he dates women. And some ppl be crowing him as an LGBT icon when some other idols have actually exposed themselves honestly to a lot more without any security plan to fall back into. And that actually feels like being brave and doing something. Not making everyone who supports you look like a delusional clown and make the thought of you being queer laughable to most ppl. Moonbyul being a pretty good example of someone who has been direct and brave.

Im sorry I really needed to vent, I have loved Tae for a lot of time ( not that i dont love him now but sometimes i cant shake the disappointment and the distaste of not being able to enjoy his content without seeing him being constantly related to ppl I don't like at all) and I'm open to anyone making me feel different about this situation

Hi anon!

Let me give you my perspective on this and maybe that will make you see things differently as well.

Tae is moving within certain boundaries. It is most likely that there are actual clauses in his contract that tell him what he can and cannot share publicly. That goes beyond plain saying that he is queer. That also goes for the level of queerness he can show through art and media. Basically I feel he is able to show queer media and art, but not adress it as such. Going beyond that would probably mean he’d be breaching his contract, which could lead to monetary penalties… and when it goes too far he could be kicked out of BTS (not that I think it would ever go that far). I think it’s possible that with this new contract, things have become more loose though. BH/Hybe doesn’t want to lose Tae, because he is one of the most popular members and losing any member would look bad. So I think there was some leverage there.

In my opinion it should not be underestimated how bad things still are for queer people in SK. Artists loose their careers over it stil. People like Holland are absolutely very brave and I hope within time there will be more and more like him. But you cannot compare one person’s choices with that of another’s. I think Tae possibly discovered his sexuality when he was already under contract with BH.. that would mean he had the choice to either hide, or to break his contract… leave BTS… and be left with a shitload of debt (because you don’t simply leave a contract). He would have no perspective of any career after that.. losing all his dreams and all chances of having any influence at all. It is an impossible choice maybe.. or maybe not.. I don’t know. Has he chosen to leave BH would his life have been easier, better? He would still have had to deal with severe homophobia. So I don’t think Tae had much options but to hide in the first case. It is not something he chose.. it was basically decided for him. Contracts are no fun anon, they basically chain them to the company in many many ways. I don’t think Tae ever had the option to be as open as Holland. And I think that is something he struggled with greatly. So if that walk was something he agreed to just because it would give him some more room to be authentic, I am absolutely not holding that against him. It doesn’t make him bad or whatever, it makes him someone who needs a bit of room to breathe.

In general I don’t feel Tae owes us much. Speaking for myself, I am here completely voluntarily and completely aware of forever being shit on by the rest of fandom. I’m of the opinion that both Tae and Jk aren’t actually fighting to be out and open.. so that probably makes my perspective on this different than yours. I think they’re just trying to live their lives and what we see of them is just stuff we pick up on.. because we pay attention. I always see myself as a bystander and not a participant in this. But.. that’s just me ofcourse.

So how did we end up here; Tae doing a walk with Jennie. Looking at it from a practical side, it was only one walk.. half an hour tops. If we assume he did agree to it and he wasn’t actually forced all the way, for him that was probably doable, and if he traded that for more freedom to be authentic.. to insert more queerness in his work (which is eventually what people will remember him by), then I think the trade probably looked worth it. Ultimately it wasn’t a fair choice ofcourse, because trading anything for freedom to be yourself is insane.. freedom should always be yours. But I do think the company possibly sold it that way.. and being used to having no freedom for years, maybe to Tae it did seem like a chance. It is ofcourse also possible they made him do this, but it’s not something I’m leaning towards personally.

It is not something Tae would’ve done/come up with himself. Tae didn’t go “yeah, I want to do a papwalk with Jennie for fame and attention”… people are right when they say he didn’t need that. He was not enthusiastic. And I think he was very over it all soon after.

The way I see it.. is that possibly Tae gave away a small part of himself to do something he felt is necessary in a broader way. His new mv is so important! To have such graphic display of queerness is so important! Especially from someone as famous as Tae. Imagine all the young queer fans he has seeing that! Tae knows what kind of influence he has. He has probably missed seeing representation like that himself when he was younger. I think this is what matters to him most and personally I just applaud him for that. Taennie will be nothing but a blimp on our radar in a few years, but his songs and mv’s… I think those will have an actual impact on many lives.

[yunwangja]

OH I JUST SAW THE MATHCMAKING THING. i guess i just say stuff abt mysrelgf??? THO MAYBE U KNOW ME A LIL BIT BC IVE INTERACTED W U A LOT. annnyway !

i'm introverted, i talk more if i am with people i'm comfortable with but once i go home i text way less i kinda just am.

i also get really good grades liek i only have a's even tho i am not rly a nerd

i play video games a LOT

i contemplate existence a lot.

i used to edit on ae religiously n had a few editing accounts

my humor is very sarcastic n i have an rbf too so i can be seen as like mean or sth? or just like im done w life lol. also part of my humor is talking up my friends a LOT like i compliment them all the time n like talk like im in love w them lol. sometimes as if i was a desperate ex DO U CATCH MY DRIFT.

i decide i wanna do sports like once a month n then i give up after like a day. in early 2024 i did go to the gym a lot though n i always listened to yeat or travis scott so now whenever i listen to them i feel like im in the gym okay that is short enogh i think! LOL thankkk youuu cant wait to see it :)) and also JS CAUGHT UP W FAULTLINE N ARGHHH i lvoe it sm

HELLO IM SORRY YOU HAD TO WAIT FOR LONG <//////3 I WAS LIKE AFTER I UPDATE FAULTLINE I’LL WORK ON THIS!!!! so here it is, i hope it was worth the wait !!!

ok. yk what i was reading everything u sent and at first i was like maybe kenma? and i as u went on i was like i think u guys would work more as besties. IDK !!!! ur so bff coded i swear </3 ANYWAY.

yamaguchi 6/10. i can see this a lot actually! i think u guys could be besties but can be more than that too :p i can just see him really interested in you and find u super cool !!! u guys would get along. i realized i say this all the time everytime i do this but still. friends to lovers trope def. i think with sports he cen empathize about ur attempts, and i think u’d be the one to teach him abt video games :p he’ll try so hard to be better bc he loves playing w u. he’d blush whenever u compliment him and i think he’d be really so scared to confess !!! when u guys r tgt he’d love to start that animal shelter w u. he’d also like wait for u to fall asleep to tiktok reddit stories then turn em off before falling asleep himself too :p

tsumu 7/10. i think u guys are such a match despite i think him being more extroverted ! bc in that way he can bring u out of ur shell more and also he’d love yapping with you !!! at first i think he’ll think ur super quiet but when u get to know e/o he’d be super into you! literally i think he’d love to do everything u mentioned here. he’d take pride with all of your compliments because i just think he loves getting em. he’d be the type that when u tell him u used to horseback ride he would immediately look for sum stables because he just wants to see it in action. he’d also try to look up ur old edits and rate them LOL

bo 7/10. man i just know. I JUST KNOW BO WOULD LOVE YOU. you guys will never stop talking to e/o. he’d tell u everything, u will tell him everything. he’d fall asleep WITH U while listening to tiktok reddit stories. would ask help from u w studies and he’d be like “pls help me coz ur smart :(“ and u’d think its ridiculous lol idk fr tho! i think u’d like to tease him though and he’d always fall for it but when he realizes ur just joking or wtv he’d be like “oh! great! :D” would absolutely start an animal shelter with u. he’d be like omg that will be our bucketlist. he would also contemplate existence w u, that’d be like a typical night w him.

iwa 6/10. ok i think this would also be an opposite attracts typa thing. he’d be super interested in you at first but he’d try to be lowkey abt it. always gets flustered when u compliment him, would try to get u into sports too then sigh when u give up the next day LOL. he’d try to be ur “coach” me thinks :p i think he’d respond well to ur humor? he’d play video games w u, at first he’d be competitive but eventually he’d calm down a little and let u win. i dont know how competitive u are but if u wont let that u’d dare him and he’d get affected then itll turn into a whole ass marathon 😭 he’d be supportive of the things u like, he’s like ready to help u even make ur dreams come true :p he’d always listen to ur yapping never interrupt then quietly like say his response to everything in one long yap as well mwehehe. when u start contemplating existence he’d be like ??? at first then slowly be like “well.. yeah…”

[soccerpunching]

headcanons about tachimukai during ie go? its always good to see your posts on my timeline!!

WAAAHHHH OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH!! And of course, I love him sm and I have a lot!!

I'm also adding this picture here because i really love how soft Shinsuke remembers Tachimukai, makes me emotional. He genuinely wants to help him. (I'll keep using this picture forever, methinks)

(some of these are during the 10-year timeskip; putting it under the cut)

Headcanons:

Almost everybody comments on how is it possible to have one of the most vicious goalkeeper in existence be so polite in interviews. He's so loved by people across Japan and has a really strong fanbase. And it's bcs he looks so focused and vicious in the field that most ppl cant recognized him outside of it (like how Shinsuke didnt).

Much like Kazemaru, Fubuki, Gouenji, and Kabeyama, he's also one of the few from the cast who stayed in Japan soccer leagues. All of the teams he belonged in lost the least goals in the leagues they've joined!! He's a monster goalkeeper in their eyes! (Another reason why Shinsuke didnt recognize him is bcs he doesnt believe someone as legendary as tachimukai would casually teach a goalkeeper-beginner like him.)

I genuinely think he's good at studying and has good grades in IT-related subjects and is above average in most sciences, he just chose to not go to college. He did go to a vocational school as a backup plan. In case he gets severly injured or sumthn since goalkeepers are known to retire for injuries more than the field players.

More than anything, he wants to teach goalkeeping so he has that as a consideration for his future also. He's still thinking abt in what way can he accomplish this but that time with Shinsuke did make him realize that it's something he wants to do. But maybe not right now, he thinks he needs more experience!

He gets tons of modeling offers that he keeps on declining bcs it's never been his interest. He once jokingly told Tsunami that maybe he should try it after his retirement, he didnt realize Tsunami took it seriously and he's very excited for this modeling career (Tsunami is in fact considering modeling too bcs of that joke)

He makes a lot of effort to stay connected with old friends and likes traveling a lot even if it takes time! He likes taking the scenic route too and just takes life slowly.

Some of the things he does when the league season is over are riding sleeper trains and hotel-buses!! (It's so cool that japan has those!!) Sometimes with friends or family, but he also likes going alone and making conversations with people (who most often does not recognize him at all).

He's timid as an adult still but he overcomes this by telling himself that being with people is part of the great experience of life however corny that sounds. It's one of the things he learned from being with the cast who gave him the courage to step out of his comfort zone.

Speaking of his traveling! His inagram is full of traveling pictures!! And all the food he gets to eat! He also travels outside the country and taste as many spicy food as he can. He's famous in inagram actually even if he barely has any pictures with his face in them but he's really cool with it.

He is also demiromantic ace in my heart <3

He casually enjoys surfing too (in the drama cd, he asked if tsunami can teach him how to surf to which i think he enjoyed) and competitively with tsunami (bcs tsunami makes everything a contest)

He goes trekking, mountain climbing, and skydiving with his old pals from Yokato a lot.

He goes to camping trips with the first year gang too (kabeyama, kurimatsu, kogure, haruna and they also invite shourin, shishido!!). Kogure plans these trips.

I have some more that's in my hissatsu techniques hc of him regarding how he is in the field but that's yet to be posted (bcs descriptions are so hard 😣). These are the ones that I can remember outside of that for now!

And really thank you for the ask, they really motivate me to share them!!

[imraespace]

HELPME PPL THINK IM 18+ ONLINE AND. IRL. MY COUSIN FREAKING SAID “are you 18???” LIKE DAMN BRO I GET IT I DINT LOOK MY AGE BUT IM 18 IN DAMN 2-3 YEARS 👿👿👿 TOO EARLY FOR ME TO BE REACHING ADULTHOOD HELP

ive been faking my age to ppl online like on servers n stuff bc i really hate talking about ages like once they figure out im a minor theyre like erm haha let me make u a victim and start saying the weirdest stuff ever like girl if i was 18 or 15 how does that change ANYTHING HELP but when i acc get to know ppl i say my actual age i dont want to be a victim guys dot dot dot stares at that one tumblr person that entered my ask box and was loke ahhaha want some nudes??? Insert link. LIKE NO PLEQSE I AM A MINOR

also octopus hater finally replied but theyre a mfing opp bc they didnt even add my nickname hashtag 💔💔 mayeb bc its an ask game but like come on man you gave me a mutual nickname and u wont even add my hashtag EFF YOU 💔💔 joke sorry octopus hater i love u even if youd otn love me ure my second ever moot on this app and one of my only moots other than jjk person and cheese bot i love cheese bot i will be messaging cheese bot but i think they genuinely hsut forgot

my right eveball has been twitching and i think its bc of all the stress i went through this week with my science test history test civics test civics cpt and then a whole bunch of other stuff like why the freak did my cooking teacher tell me to go to the third floor and jump if i make the pierogis look bad ??? IS HE EVEN ALLOWED TO JOKE LIKE THAY WHAT IF I WAS SUICIDAL AND THAT WAS MY LAST REASON HELLO????

for soem reason candles have veen calling me throughout this mall trip am i transitioning into a middle aged woman shoppign for christmas candles but now i cant tell the difference between cinnamon truffle and fresh cotton with vanilla and then mushroom soy bean like hello who names these and most importantly WHO MFING INVENTED TREE FOREST SCENT THAY SMELLS LIKE ITS ROTTING. HELLO. I USUALLY LOKE THE SMELL OF FOREST WHEN I GO AND SEE MY WOLF PACK ALPHAS (the neighborhood hyenas that i hear howling at the back) WTF WAS THAT SCENT. mayeb my cosuin is right about me beign 18 atp…….

anwyays i forgot about daily question mYBAD GANF

DAILY QUESTION IS UMMM whatw ould be the best way to torture i mean send love to octopus hater 💜💜💜 ok seriosuly UM who in bllk would have a terrible spending addiction while being freaking poor

- 🐙

FINALLY IM GONNA ANSWER THIS

SAME HELP

I've never faked my age I'm too scared that they would somehow find out I THINK THOSE ARE BOTS BX I GOT LIKE 4 OF THEM AT ONCE

ugh everytime I see octopus hater I roll my eyeballs....😒 HELP this is a very one-sided love.. #bethebiggerperson!!!

OHMAGSU SCHOOL IS SO STRESSFUL RN AND I REMINDED MYSELF THAT omg mara you have oral finals IN 6 MONTHS HAHAHHA 😐.. WDYM 6 MONTHS MY FINALS ARE IN 6 MONTHS?? AND MY EXAMS FOR THIS TERM IS IN 2 WEEKS WHAKDKMAMD

HELO WHAT?? what even happens in cooking class omg.. HELOME I CABT BRATHE

odd names for candles.. I like the smell of normal candles after you blow them out also the same with matches idk why I sometimes light them ans blow it out just to sniff em..

HELOME I FANT CEATHE THEYRE GIV8NG YOU THE REAL FEEL OF HUNTING WITH THE PQCK!!

ha! granny!!

HELP E send a scary picture in their inbox..

ERM shidou...

[blood-injections]

you should tell me about the band au i'm so fascinated by the band au

YES I SHOULDD I FINALLY HAVE WIFI BACK(hopefully it doesnt disconnect Again .its been a frustrating week) AND I CAN FINALLY BRAINROTPOST ABOUT IT OKAY SO

Where to start lets seee. This au is at the like. "Google docs loredump but ive been obsessed with it enough that ive been drawing and ive written a couple little silly but not quite significant bits" stage still lol. Theres funkobra and jetpoison but the funkobra is like SLOW slow burn theyre just weird gay besties that fuck around and make out sometimes but arent actually Together in any way so theres this horrible tension and theres bits of like. See kobras a little slut so hes being gay with sandman and show pony and even an oc that has his own band and so the funkobra is. They dont know why the tension is like that until like. The literal last chapter when they're . Ohhhh shit. We GAY gay. That makes sense. At least thats the plan. The jetpoison is a lot less slow lol they meet and are like ooh you pretty and yeah.

So the first like half of this au is set in the city and actually its less of a fab four band au and more just Kobra's rebellious punk phase au because its focused around him and the Band isnt all four of them together until like. Way on in the story. Poison is even a sort of antagonistic foil character until then too. Because hehe venom sibling angst and theres a few moments where its poison thats the catalyst of Kobra's like. Character growth via spite. Also this au is kobra kid 🤝 jet star being some badass motherfuckers like damn.

So they're in the city, Kobra's like seventeen, not Kobra yet, knows hes trans but not a word for it and isnt out to Poison but Poison Knows enough that hes like. 'Hey i know you dont like this' whe they have to dress to a code or something, and they cae up with a name he likes when he was like way younger bc he hated his deadname so hes already Koda. But hes never been like hey I'm a boy. Poisons a couple years older and works a lot because its just them so he has some office job he hates and the city is on his ass for crow training or something which. He really doesn't want. Because hes in no way loyal to bli hes risking a lot just by keeping himself and kobra off the pills and keeping bli from realizing that. He isnt thinking of being a rebel yet or getting kobra out like in most fics or headcanons no its kobra that ends up dragging poison out. Poisons super overprotective to the point of being a asshole about it because its just them and hes seen too much and knows that you cant get away with getting into trouble forever, and kobras always getting into trouble, and better living has a eye on him because hes autistic and also poisons like labelled as Kobra's caretaker by the city since its just them, and bli is also on poisons ass with that because they want kobra for some kind of test because hes aging out and wont be like a minor and they want to 'fix/cure' him. So poison worrys, poison babys him, because his only goal is to keep kobra safe however he can because hes fucking terrified that his little brother is going to be taken away and hes seen what people come back as when bli takes them to be 'fixed.'

And kobra gets this, he does, and he loves his brother, but he hates him, he hates it, he feels trapped and coddled and between poisons sternness and what the city wants with him and even the city regulations on how he as a female has to look, he feels he has no freedom or privacy and hes cooped up as all hell. So he gets into trouble. He sneaks out no matter how poison tries to keep him from it or ground him, he sneaks out and hides his hair and steals poisons clothes and goes and bes a boy where he can because to the city his days are numbered and hed rather risk it all to have a little fun every night and just be himself than live some boring lie like hes medicated and obedient like everyone else. He doesn't want to rot like that. Poison wants to keep him safe, wants to keep him alive, but Kobra wants to live. Because his mindset is a very reasonable one of 'whats the point of being alive if you're miserable,' but not in an 'i want to die because i am miserable' way but in an, 'out of pure fucking spite, i will change my circumstances, i will be what i want and i wont be miserable and maybe i will die trying but i will have died being happy' way. Because this kid is running on pure spite and rage and envy, of his brother, of friends, of killjoys, of martyrs. Hes angry about it all, Poison is just scared. UGH. me when the venom siblings. hghhdfjdjs.

So he sneaks out, stirs up trouble with street kids and droids and Show Pony, who legit sneaks into the city every so often just to cause chaos and stir up rebellion in the streets. This fic can pretty much be explained as: show pony is pete wentz and the battery city rebellion is the 2000s emo scene. They know everyone and they've got their claws in every little crevice. The suitehearts probably exist because of them, its their actions that domino to what ghouls doing when kobra meets him, and its how they meet that causes them to become friends and start a band, and it all traces back to Pony, its hilarious.

So he meets Ghoul and Sandman, because they're street gremlins together, and they jam a lot and basically play protest songs on the street with people watching out for crows in case they need to scatter and its just Sandmans bad singing and playing a diy guitar while Ghoul drums on some buckets, and sometimes Crab is there with an actual bass but he isn't that good lol. But its punk its to be expected. So he becomes friends with them and when they realize he can sing theyre like omg you should jam with us. And hes like ehhh but eventually does and realizes he loves it. And as time passes they all get more skilled and protest songs in the street turn into actual shows at underground clubs and like, these speakeasys that hide just under blis noses. And being a band is hand in hand with being a juvie halls because if bli was to catch them they'd be so fucked, so if you play music you might as well participate in all the other rebel stuff, and they do, kobra does, he becomes known and the makeshift band of fab four/suitehearts members before theyre the conventional weapons becomes known, he comes up with the name Kobra as a rebel name and hes surrounded by people that treat him like the boy he is.

Meanwhile his relationship with poison is getting more and more strained. Poison is getting desperate and starts trying to follow kobra when he sneaks out but kobras really good at losing him. When kobra is home hes hardly talking to poison anymore. Then some Shit comes. Poison finally manages to follow Kobra to his destination, and its on a night that the bands show is a big fucking dangerous distraction that they purposely gave bli a tip about. So bli storms the concert and the juvie rebellion uses the distraction to break recently caotured killjoy prisoners out of prison. Jet Star is among them.

So poison finds this concert, his quiet little sister up on stage, singing, with a buzzcut hes been hiding. And he storms throigh the pit to up to the front of the stage and kobra sees him and his singing falters and poisons pissed, he expects kobra to be pissed that hes here, but no, kobra looks fucking horribly terrifed at the sight of him and that makes poison falter in turn. And then better living fucking busts in, stun guns firing, and poisons in total shock and kobra grabs him and he ends up running from crows with the band until they get to the underground and its just. A mess. The killjoy prisoners arrive and this is like. Halfway or more through this story and the fab four are finally all in one place. And their band doesn't even exist yet.

Anyway poisons in on it all now and has whiplash and like, well kobras not stopping because his brother knows about the band or rellion or his being a boy, and actually poison sees the change kobra fucking made with that show and is sympathetic to the killjoys and oh that one is really pretty and so theyre terrified but actually pretty supportive of it all and so more time passes and kobra just starts. Dragging them along to practices and stuff. And they find themself learning bass and getting involved with the rebellion and then joining the band when they play and theyve just. Become party poison at some point. Jet star got back out to the desert before long but poison taked to them a bit and totally likes them. I havent planned what happens to make them finally leave the city, but poison, kobra and ghoul all leave to become killjoys, the band is just theirs now and they need a guitarist and like pony steps in sometimes and other friends but they don't have a permanent one. Poison reunites with Star and they vibe and shes hanging around a lot and just. Joins the band somehow. And they become the fab four and the conventional weapons and yeah. Thats the bones of it. Theres so much more and little things 💀 Oh and Ghoul and Jet are both spanish speakers and im rusty but its getting me learning and stuff again so im actually writing their spanish bits out and the venom sibs learning it and its honestly so fun. Star cursing out a exterminator in spanish is. Whew.

[barrenclan]

WWAAAH THIS ISSUE OH MY GOD!!!! I think i start half of my reaction-to-a-new-issue asks with "omg this issue" BUT I CANT HELP IT LITERALLY THIS ISSUE ALMOST MADE ME CRY (in a good way). im so happy for this little blue man and his family starting to patch up some!!! Slugpelt opening up about her trauma to her kids, i really love your portrayal on love-bombing and manipulation with Cashew. I think it's really important for things like that to be portrayed properly in media without it being romanticized. And obviously yeah SLUGPELT admits she romanticized it when she was younger because he was the only one to treat her that way and he was HERS but you dont romanticize it with your writing and !!!! literally i admire the way youre able to portray these things so well in writing so much. And honestly those lines of "he was the only one to tell me those things" and the fact that thats what got her so hooked to him,,, stung a little bit bc its like very vaguely relatable to me and auuuh my heart!! I'm glad she realized that he didn't love her but the fact that she loved him while knowing it was just a game to him hurt a bit. i was not expecting to vaguely relate to the equivalent of a middle-aged mother but slay i guess. And Daff's reaction,,, and Slugpelt's response to that? Mannnn my HEART i love seeing Slugpelt come around and actually try to be motherly to her kids. i love her this is a slugpelt fan club. NOW PINEPAW COMING OUT TOO!!! Dude. When i first read the line of him saying "now if were all spilling secrets.." I honestly thought of the skull thing at first. But then after like two seconds and getting a little further i was like OH MY GOD HE'S GOING TO COME OUT ISNT HE. I have so many thoughts about that scene but I cannot materialize them into cohesive words. just. the whole thing was so well done. and im glad it went well for him. His whole spiral of "oh god i messed up why cant i just be normal and-" really hit me so hard and then proceeded to run me over twice, as someone who is gay that is often a thought process i would fall into, so seeing it portrayed in something is so validating man. but everyones reaction. slugpelt comforting him and being supportive, reassuring him its not weird, and that he's ok. asphodel having a look of guilt initially, assumably because of all of the times she would poke and prod at him for "needing to have kits some day" (call back to one of the first issues) , and then instantly teasing him over how she's seen him look at cormorant. Daffodil,,, man i was honestly worried about her at first because I didnt know how the implication of pine liking the same cat as her would come off to her, but her reaction??? priceless. literally so wholesome. i love how she just sees it as something exciting and something they can relate and bond over, i honestly wasnt expecting her to react like that but at the same time she generally does seem like a good sport so im not surprised in the end. seems in character for her. literally i love her. sweet baby child. literally the whole pinepaw coming out section almost made me cry it filled me with so much joy and love i love these silly little cats so much. going to be thinking about this so much for the next week istg

MADDDYYYYY

TYSM I'm super glad you liked the issue!! I really wanted to get across Slugpelt's perspective, to help understand why she could be taken in so thoroughly by someone like Cashew. She's got virtually no support structure in her life, and has been shown pretty much nothing but rejection her entire life, so when someone actually (seems to) choose her it means a lot. And since she's been shown to be such a distant and sometimes hurtful mother, I made sure to try and show why she is that way.

Pinepaw chose to share delights instead of horrors today! He already got everything he wants to talk about with those bones outside him, and Cootstorm did ask him not to tell anyone else.

YEAH the coming out scene was really fun and cathartic to write tbh, and actually I wasn't gonna include it in my initial planning but decided I needed to. I had considered the possibility of his family reacting badly (since they do live in a traditionalist group) but in the end like... I don't want to. "Confused but supportive" feels much better narratively and character-wise. You're right about why Asphodelpaw looked guilty too, especially since she's figuring some things out about herself as well. Daffodilpaw is my sweet kitty and she may be a little confused but she got the spirit <3

I'm so glad you like it,, they are all my silly little children and I love them dearly

[onlyjaeyun]

jaemin foul for cheating but he kinda valid for speaking up about not feeling loved?!? Idk I mean ofc he shouldn’t have cheated and there should have definitely been more communication to help them but is he so wrong for feeling neglected? Idk idk I just idk sympathize with him but still fucking hate that he cheated as way to be validated!!

I think I sympathize because my ex bf was the same where there was a lot of priority given to everyone but me and I was kinda just there to nurse his ego and make him feel good but never vise versa and that shit broke me the difference being I accepted that as my fate and he would tell me it’s because I’m “hard to love but he’s trying his best to love me” and like I carried that with me everywhere and I was always like … dang and idk i stayed in that cycle until he broke up with me but I feel like if jaemin didn’t cheat he might have been in the same place I was idk?

Sorry for the random trauma dump

-🦒

noo dont ever be sorry baby!!!! what im about to say is in absolutely no way belittling or disregarding your experience because i myself know exactly how you feel/felt and the cycle you are talking about and even if i didn't i'm pretty sure i can somehow phathom what you went through. (i'm so proud of you btw!🥺🤍)

now onto COLD HEARTS!jaemin however, he's just..not in that position. i've tried my best to depict him rather toxic and manipulative but i have realised that i should have made it more obvious or like out in the open to give his charcter the light i needed him to have.

ofc he's absolutely valid for feeling neglected, however – and this will be revealed in future chapters – he was never really neglected in the first place. he simply hates everyone in y/n's life and wanted her all to himself all while maintaining his own social circle as usual. on top of it all, he was actually the one in your ex bf's position since he constantly told y/n things like "nobody can put up with an attitude like yours" or "you're so difficult to talk to i feel like i can't ever have a normal conversation with you" when he simply didn't like her responses in the sense of its meaning and not even necessarily her tone.

you will understand the type of person he is the more chapters come since, yes they broke up, but he'll remain a firm part of the story till the very end!

i hope this somehow makes it a little more understandable which pov i wrote jaemin from.

sympathising with him in that matter is absolutely understandable bc we all would feel the same way, but i can reassure you that CH!jaems isn't one of us 💀

oh also, additionally i gotta comment here that y/n had to raise herself and her siblings and grew up in a very difficult household which lead to her having said attitude jaemin complains so much about. he knew this and basically – as the boys state in chap 5 – has made it his challenge to see if he can have her submit to him and prove himself that he can handle every type of woman.

i hope this all makes sense, i sometimes tend to forget that you guys cant actually look into my brain so i gotta type these thoughts and behind the scenes out every now and then! thank you sm for your feedback baby, ily 🥺🤍

[itsjaywalkers]

Hello Laurie! How are you? How are your holidays going?

I'm the same person who messaged you 2/3 months ago about the fic that I was writing and being scared to post it because it's not my native language. I was wondering how your writing goes, like how do you edit? What do you struggle with the most? I know you said it's not your native language either, and I just wanted to know what slows you down the most? Because for me personally it's grammar, structure of the sentences and its punctionation. I always wonder if my commas are in the right place and if I used right marks, obviously the placement of it differs in every language. And do you have any tips for me? ANYWAYS i'm so sorry this is such a long question bahahhaha, also I've read your new Bartylily fic and I love it. I'm on my knees for them, can't wait to see what you got in store for them. Hihi have a good day! <3

hi darling!! i'm okay, doing some writing!! and my holiday is going great <3 i've been at the beach all week, swimming and reading and eating delicious food. i missed my parents and my sisters like crazy, so it's been very fun to get to spend so much time with them <333

oh, yes!! i remember you!! i hope that fic is going well, and that you'll decide to post it someday. i feel like i already told u this, but i'm sure it's lovely, and if deep down u wanna share it, u should be able to do so, fear be damned (im aware it's not that easy but . u get what i mean)

and my editing process is . very boring and very long . i usually just write the whole chapter out, exactly how i have it planned in my mind, without stopping to check for mistakes, or letting myself get distracted by . a paragraph or a line i don't like, all that can be fixed during the actual editing. once it's done, i try to give it a day?? to let it breathe a lil. and then i reread it all!! i go scene by scene, and sometimes it means just fixing the grammar of some sentences and deleting a random line here and there, and other times it means deleting a whole conversation, or rewriting an entire scene bc it's not working how it's supposed to. editing can take me from a couple of hours to actual days, so it's not a process i really enjoy </3 writing can be a pain, but it's when i get to be messier and have fun and not worry about the end result. editing means polishing and rereading until you grow sick of the story. it's necessary but it's not my fav part of the process, that's for sure

i don't think i'm that bothered by grammar, but it's mostly bc this is just fanfiction and i kinda just . have fun with the language?? sometimes i'm aware i'm not structuring a sentence the Proper way but it looks more beautiful my way, and it sounds nicer, so why would i change it?? not a single one of my uni profs is gonna be reading it anyway. but as someone who isn't an english native speaker either, i totally get u, bc i used to be very insecure about this, and i still am a bit sometimes. i had this fear that ppl were gonna be able to tell english isnt my first language at a first glance. but so what if they do?? theres nothing wrong with that, and bc im bilingual, i speak and write in english in a manner native speakers cant replicate, bc i see and understand their language differently. and i think thats lovely!!!

the thing i struggle the most with is descriptions?? i feel like im not detailed or accurate enough, and like i lack a lot of vocabulary. i do my best to fix it during editing but it never quite works i fear.. i also write ridiculously long sentences, bc i use way too many commas when i should be using periods. and i think that my dialogues are pretty good, but at the same time im always . concerned about characters sounding real enough yk?? since, again, english isn't my first language

and i don't know about tips darling. i keep saying this, but i feel like i'm not the best person to ask about this At All, bc i'm not that knowledgeable, or talented, or skillful. i can tell you to remember that at the end of the day this is fanfiction, and we're supposed to be having fun and being self-indulgent. try not to worry so much about grammar and proper sentence structure or putting commas in the right place. bend the language until it sounds pretty enough for you and a sentence rolls off the tongue the right way. who cares if it's not Correct or Proper. it's not meant to!!! also, don't edit right away, let the story or the chapter breathe for a bit, otherwise you're gonna hate the whole thing and believe it's a Mess. it's usually not!! you just need a break and to put some healthy distance so u can edit more honestly, less unbiased

don't apologise!! my answer was even longer SIGH i hope some of this was at least a little helpful <3 and thank u so much!! more ppl than i thought are reading and enjoying the bartylily fic, and it fills me with joy <3 next ch is coming VERY soon and i can't wait

wishing u the best and sending u all my love MWAH <333

[eggsplice]

could you tell me about your not-sasha opinions

hi!! okay so they're mostly opinions on her design and how. much. i dislike the whitewashing not-sasha designs (whenever real sasha isn't).

they were getting phased out but somehow they're BACK and i cant escape. they're just. weird and racist and also don't make sense within the world (the victims family waving away the fact this person they've watched grow up is a completely different race??) it also just isn't .. an accurate measure of the horror its supposed to be? the reality of a stranger replacing you in your own life is a lot different to the heavier nuances that come with that stranger being a white version of yourself. like a lot of it is done without an actual delve into the reality of it, more so as a surface level 'make them look as different as possible', or 'wouldn't it be kind of fucked up if this happened (no further thought on the matter)' or even as a kind of fandom joke? which. ughhh.

(idk. even if a LOT of thought was put into it i still don't see it meshing well in-universe, just from a logical standpoint)

okay (and sorry for the hater I'm about to become, there's nothing wrong with these designs its just what i avoided) i also find a lot of designs make her look too. visually bubbly or approachable? when tbh her voice always seemed a lot more clipped, cold and professional when compared to sasha (who was obviously very competent but also like. made jokes and played around with her coworkers and disregarded a lot of professional rules/boundaries LOL) so i wanted her to look like a kind of bland up-tight 'all about the work' kind of person who doesn't like socializing with her co-workers. this was why i gave her tighter/form-fitting clothes (like the pencil skirt and high-heels) to contrast with sasha valuing comfort more. (and also personality wise, making her colours cooler where sasha's are warm) oh and also sasha's outfit just has a lot more personality with all the patterns and the designs on the jumper and the cute bag and everything, where not-sasha is just so incredibly sterile and generic.

one last thing i promise sometimes i see not-sasha with traits melanie lists sasha having when really it makes sense that she was listing those specific traits bc its what differentiates them so. yea was just being mindful of that ^_^

[maluinks]

I only know taylor swift as someone who sucks ass at writing lyrics, what are the banger lyrics im missing??

lmao i totally get that. I think it will always be a bit of a personal preference thing, just like some ppl love some writing styles which others cant stand, same with lyrics.

I personally love the lyric writing that tells a good story i can see in my head, and the song creates an atmosphere which you can touch and even smell. I think Taylor's strength is in her storytelling, which shines through especially in folklore and evermore. I personally love "seven" ("Please picture me/In the weeds/Before I learned civility/I used to scream ferociously"), august ("To live for the hope of it all/Cancel plans just in case you'd call"), peace ("Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?"), "illicit affairs" ("Leave the perfume on the shelf/That you picked out just for him/So you leave no trace behind/Like you don't even exist"), "champagne problems" ("Sometimes you just don't know the answer/'Til someone's on their knees and asks you"), "cowboy like me" ("Perched in the dark/Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear/Like it could be love/I could be the way forward/Only if they pay for it"), "'tis the damn season" ("We could call it even/You could call me babe for the weekend/'Tis the damn season, write this down/I'm stayin' at my parents' house/And the road not taken looks real good now"), "ivy" ("Oh, goddamn/My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/Taking mine, but it's been promised to another/Oh, I can't/Stop you putting roots in my dreamland/My house of stone, your ivy grows/And now I'm covered in you").

Now every album she releases has its misses and its hits. I don't love "Lover" that much bc it's a bit too happy poppy for me, though the song "Lover" itself tells a very palpable feeling. Other songs I like are "All Too Well" ("And you call me up again just to break me like a promise/So casually cruel in the name of being honest"), "Dear John" ("Long were the nights when/My days once revolved around you/Counting my footsteps/Praying the floor won't fall through again"), "Back to December" ("It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you/Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine"), "The Story of Us" ("I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how/I never heard silence quite this loud"), "Clean" ("Ten months sober, I must admit/Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it"), "Begin Again" ("And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid/I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did"), "Don't Blame Me" ("Don't blame me, love made me crazy/If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right/Lord, save me, my drug is my baby/I'll be usin' for the rest of my life"), "Delicate" ("We can't make any promises/Now can we, babe?/But you can make me a drink").

Now many people have been dissing the latest album's cringey lyrics for a while, and while I hate them too (god the vigilante one is such a skip its unreal), i actually like some songs with cringey lyrics. "Anti-hero" really grew on me bc it's Taylor self-analising and talking about how she is her own worst critic, which is something we all experience, and I think she made it in a fun self-deprecating way in the song that still delivers the message. other songs in the album which i love and dont have those kinds of cringe lines are "you're on your own, kid" ("'Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned/Everything you lose is a step you take"), "Lavander Haze" ("The only kind of girl they see (only kind of girl they see)/Is a one-night or a wife"), "High Infidelity" ("Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?/Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?"), "Would've, Could've, Should've" ("If I was some paint, did it splatter/On a promising grown man?/And if I was a child, did it matter/If you got to wash your hands?") (tbh I love all the lyrics in this song it's my fave atm).

Sorry for the long post! I really feel like Taylor's best lyrics are hidden away in her albums many times, but I do get how she gets called a good lyricist, because she is good at telling stories in them. I believe many people look at her stuff from a biased perspective most of the time bc of the way the media has portrayed her in part, and also bc she got a lot of hate from misogynists when she was young and it stayed around as mindless hate/disregard. She isnt the greatest ever but she's earned her reputation as a lyricist imo.

[system-comforts]

hi im questioning plurality and scared to ask systems i know irl about experiences and help so im asking for help here (im sorry if ive already sent an ask to this blog bc i /gen dont remember if i did)

okay i think im going to split this up into two sections, one for reasons I think I may be and symptoms, another for reasons why i think I may not.

Reasons I think I may be plural:

I frequently experience bouts of dissociating or just feel generally fuzzy and after i can feel a range of symptoms including: Feeling a new energy with me, confusion on where i am, confusion on who i am, feeling an off feeling, thinking something is wrong with my body or room and more.

I frequently feel multiple energys w/ me w/ different emotions, ages, and general vibes.

I constantly switch between feeling very strongly w/ one belif or gender to the point where it feels like i have always felt like this then not long after sometimes feeling the complete opposite.

I very often feel not incontrol and almost like someone else is in control of the body.

I occasionally say things aloud that i dont think I actually said and it feels like someone else did.

I occasionally think things that i dont think I actually thought and it was like someone else did.

I have occasional laspses in memory.

Reasons I think I'm not plural:

I have 3 irl plural friends so statistically its very unlikely that I am plural too.

I retain almost all memory from when I feel like I am different people.

I feel like I am always there no matter what.

The different energies I feel tend to be very similar to my own and I cant really distinguish between them for the most part.

I feel like I may just be experiencing symptoms of something else and confusing them for plurality.

I feel like I am forcing myself to experience symptoms of plurality.

I don't think the truama i have could have been bad enough for me to be plural (im sorry if there are plural ppl who dont have truama i js dont know much on that topic specifically)

Other things to note:

I have ADHD and Autism (un-medicated)

I have BPD or Bipolar disorder (me and my therapist are still discussing which we think it may be)

I hope someone sees this and could please help me figure out if maybe another disorder is making me experience these things or if those symptoms listed are genuinely symptoms of plurality because I cannot figure out if what I am experiencing is normal or not

also im vvvv sorry if this is a blog that connot help w/ this kind of thing /gen

Hello there. I can tell by the way your organized this ask you've thought a lot about this question! I'll try to answer most of your points and hope my input helps as you continue to evaluate this question.

Your first few points regarding amnesia for where you are, identity confusion regarding your gender, and depersonalization with your body, based on what you've said here, points towards fairly high dissociation. At the very least, looking into dissociative disorders in general might be a good idea for you (and your therapist) to explore. This is especially true if these symptoms cause a lot of distress and hardship in your life.

You also talk about not feeling in control of your body, your actions, and your thoughts. The way you describe these feelings is similar to how we and many other systems might describe it. However, it can also be good to also ask if the "someone else" who did and said these things was you in a heightened emotion or at a different time, or if it was a distinctly different person. Even singlets have a variety of emotions based on different situations. Consider how consistent these actions are, is there a pattern? Does x person mostly tend to react y way to z situation? We've found it helpful to establish patterns when trying to figure out if there's a headmate involved.

Regarding your reasons you may not be plural, there's a few things I want to note. Regarding your plural friends, I wouldn't say it's "statistically unlikely" that you're plural. To truly consider the statistics, you would want to look at total populations, like of a region or country, not just in a friend group. For example, some friend groups will have no one plural, but that doesn't mean plural people don't exist. Friends come together for a variety of reasons, largely for similarities in life experiences and identities. It's possible you've found friends similar to you in some regards, and this might include plurality.

Your next three points about retaining most of your memories, feeling always present, and how these "energies" feel similar to your own also do not entirely rule out plurality. These descriptions could be from a median system, which, on the sliding spectrum of plurality, is a sort of is not quite singlet but not quite as distinct as plural systems and their headmates. It might be helpful to look into median systems as well as possibly fragments as you continue to question if you're plural.

On your final point, I do want to point out that not every system experienced trauma. Some experienced trauma but it didn't cause their plurality, and some, even if they experienced trauma, may not feel it was "enough" to cause plurality. What you say about your trauma is what many other plural people say. Try to put that question aside as you question your plurality, or at least don't dig in too deeply.

Now for your notes. The high number of plural autistics has been frequently discussed in the plural community. Not every autistic is plural of course, nor is every plural, but it makes sense that those with different brains and neuro types would also show and develop other differences like plurality. Regarding your BPD or bipolar disorder, there are also systems with these disorders. So it's not really about being plural or having one of these- both can occur. What's important to consider is how the symptoms align with each disorder. Can your amnesia, dissociation, and these different "energies" be explained by BPD or bipolar disorder? Or is there something else going on in addition to that? I think that question might be helpful as your continue those discussions with your therapist.

I hope this has been helpful to you, and we wish you the best as you continue asking if you're plural!

-mod neptune