#and i hate posting opinion things like this

[mental-illness-bingo]

Yeah it’s very important to note that a thought getting stuck is in fact not the best description of OCD symptoms. That thought has to be very distressing. Distressing enough to interrupt daily functions. It doesn’t always have to be Extreme Violence™️ but the reason it often is is because those are the thoughts that best get obsessions to turn into conpulsions. Pure O anecdotally seems to have obsessions that may be less graphic, but not always and they’re still very distressing, even if they’re something that seems “silly” like a rotating cow.

OCD is ego dystonic - that means it goes directly against you and everything that makes you you. It means it is reasonably able to be personified into someone that absolutely hates you - truly loathes you - and wants you to suffer in the worst ways imaginable. It attacks fundamental beliefs, morals, anything to make you distressed. It’s a personal callout where it hurts the most. If your OCD finds the easiest way to cause you extreme distress is a rotating cow, it will absolutely do that. If the most direct way is images of extreme graphic violence - potentially committed you but not always - it will do that. But no matter what, it is not something that the have-r of the thoughts thinks is funny, catchy (songs), or otherwise positive or neutral.

This is not true of some of the disorders outside of OCD that can cause it, on the other hand.

OP definitely could have OCD based on this description but ofc it’s just one example so it doesn’t like, diagnose them (which I don’t think anyone was genuinely trying to do it’s just worth noting if impressionable ppl like children come across this post), but anyone who may think hours of a song they like stuck in their head - even if you have to listen to it in full to make it stop (this is common with earworms) - is OCD would be mistaken. Even being annoying but not distressing does not qualify. This doesn’t mean someone who does have OCD can’t get annoying earworms but it does mean those aren’t a symptom.

It’s really important that we watch our language so we do not water down the fundamental symptoms of an often debilitating disorder by saying it’s just a stuck thought. It is a thought, mental image, earworm, urge, etc. that causes extreme distress. Intrusive thoughts are not just a thought that repeats in your head. Please know that.

I know people are going to say “it’s not that deep” but it is. OCD is already dangerously misunderstood and watered down by the general public. How is it dangerous? Because when people hear about the true OCD symptoms - such as intrusive thoughts that you might be a pedophile and not know it, or “wanting” to kill someone very dear to you - they do not think “oh god that is so stressful for you; I’m sorry your OCD is causing you to go through that”. Instead they think “oh my god you’re a terrible disgusting person no good person thinks that” which is ableist and leads to isolation and further OCD spirals.

That can and does kill people. Because now they’re alone with a reinforced belief that they are a monster and the OCD plays off that, makes it worse, and deepens rumination and obsession. This forces either compulsions that become more and more intrusive or possibly dangerous to the individual (and makes them more likely to listen to those compulsions), or in “pure O” OCD, creates a thought spiral so intense and so lasting that they may believe there is only one way out.

OCD isn’t just a “stuck thought”. It is a thought that can, if not given assistance, suck the life and/or will to live out of you.

And this isn’t just my opinion, nor is it even just researchers; it is the direct specification and phrasing of the diagnostic tests I had done by a psychiatrist and multiple therapists to get and confirm my OCD diagnosis. It’s something they’re very clear about - “do these thoughts cause you intense distress”, “have these thoughts ever led to you doing dangerous things or self-injuring (including by excessive hand-washing, holding urine, refusing to eat, etc not just classic sh) in an attempt to end the thought”, and “do these thoughts interfere with fundamental activities like eating, hygiene, socializing, leaving the house, working, etc”.

Idk why but as a kid I used to get hysterically upset everytime I would imagine a gif of a rotating cow because I could never stop the cow from rotating no matter how hard I tried and I would be crying and no one knew why

[lightofraye]

The Reasons I'm Anti-Danneel (Redone)

I've decided to redo the original post, largely as most of it was heavily drawn/copy-pasted from @taraslittlecorner (now defunct/deactivated) and was not a good fit for me. Listing receipts/evidence of why I feel this way should be calmer, with citations, proof as much as possible.

Here’s a caveat: This is my belief. This is my stance. I am not here to shove this into anyone else’s face and go “You should not be a Danneel fan!” I'm not demanding everyone believe me. This is me explaining why I am not a fan of hers, as to why I dislike her. No, I do not “hate” her. No, I am not obligated to respect her or like her just because she’s Jensen’s wife. That’s absurd.

Whenever possible, I will provide citation. Some I am unable to, because they have been deleted from the internet and unfortunately, the Wayback Machine (aka the Internet Archive) did not archive it and no one else screenshotted/linked the evidence. I will try to keep that as minimal as possible.

I'm placing a content/trigger warning, as there may be descriptions of abuse to follow. If description of abuse bothers you, even emotional abuse, I advise you to skip.

I'll add a cut here because it's going to get long!

**Disclaimer** This are observations and opinions of what I’ve seen, as well as what others have seen on social media, in interviews, etc. Each relationship is different, and each domestic abuse case can vary in degrees of abuse, usually over time, but not always. These are just some of the things we can see publicly, and if things are shown publicly, it’s a safe bet there’s worse happening behind closed doors. I’m not a medical professional nor expert, again, these are opinions and observations. If you suspect someone you love is in an abusive relationship, please contact the proper outlets for battered women and men in your area.

Now to begin.

1. Fat Shaming Him

Jensen eating gummy bears. This post was made as a public stab at Jensen for the amount of gummy bears he was eating. It was a stab at not only his eating habits/weight, but it was also a stab at him being greedy or gluttonous.

Jensen on the carousel. Another stab at Jensen about his weight.

1A. The End Result Of Fat Shaming:

There was this. Yes, it was probably around the time he was training for the marathon with Jared, but this was a scary weight drop. Especially as marathons and running require you to really increase your caloric intake to keep your weight and energy up. On the heels of the public fat-shaming, this is rather shocking.

Dated: January 17, 2018.

Ignoring Danneel's claim of "marathon body", he did look skinny. You can compare how Jensen looked at the beginning of Supernatural to later seasons and there's a distinct difference. He's skinnier. Skinny does not always equate healthy, especially if it's muscle loss.

Unfortunately, other photos are in evidence of the massive weight loss.

This Tumblr post shows him still rather skinny during an event at FBBC.

Every time Jensen has to quarantine with her he starts to look like death warmed over, weight drop, sickly looking skin color, (which is also a sign of malnutrition), and that dead look we can’t get seem to forget. Then we get him back to work, and it’s almost an immediate improvement.

2. Unexplained Injury: There is the chunk that’s missing out of his nose now because of a nose injury that kept being explained in different instances at the same event as to how he even got it. It first appeared a day after the FBBC family reunion event that took place in May of 2018 in a post made by Danneel of Jensen playing with the kids, and people thought it was just a breathe right strip.

If you look closely, you can even see that his eyes looked to be blacked, as if he’d somehow broken his nose. Once he got to an event for Danneel’s Limbo Jewelry line launch in NYC, he kept changing the story as to how he got said injury. First he told fans that he’d hurt it by hitting a pool wall while playing with his kids. Then he said he’d dropped a keg on it. Well, if you’ve ever worked for a bar or been around kegs you know those things are heavy, and that story is untrue.

Had Danneel been walking around with an unknown injury and her story kept changing, it would have gotten attention. Men… not so much, and it shows.

3. Public Humiliation: There’s this Valentine’s Day post. Imagine reading that post, seeing your spouse mention their “first” love and then jokingly say you’re the second and “more important” love. Especially on the heels of Jensen’s fairly recent share at a convention of how “he’ll do” as her “second choice”. Your spouse should’ve been your first and only choice!

Posting him in his underwear just to garner some attention to her post. Honestly, it's pathetic, and adds to the narcissistic sociopath mentality assessment. What was the post about? To sell beer outside of Texas. But using Jensen to do it? Really, Danneel? God.

Then there's the photo of him in the bathroom. Some say he was a willing participant in the joke. I say "That doesn't matter." It's gross, crude, classless. It demonstrates how selfish she is.

I absolutely have a sense of humor. However, a joke only works if everyone is laughing.

Then there's this Jared photo. While not related to Jensen, it demonstrates just how much she doesn't care about people. She stated that she lied to Jared, that she deleted it, and then posted it anyway. How much you wanna bet that this was one of many reasons Jared and Genevieve pulled back from the Ackles? Because Danneel does not respect the Padaleckis, and Jensen cannot get Danneel to actually behave like a human being.

There's the whole AD House Tour. The whole video, she’s taking swipes at Jensen left and right. Claiming he didn't help in changing the kids’ diapers, to not cleaning the house at all, to not cooking at all.

Time stamp 0:58: The way Jensen hastily goes "not swing", to this day, honestly makes me wonder. Especially about that orgy rumor tweet....

Time stamp 1:14: Implying Jensen would be against flowers because it'd be "too girly", but then claiming he loved it. This makes me wonder. You'll see why later on in this post.

Time stamp 2:10: How is it Jensen didn't know that was the sex plant of a palm until then? Did he know nothing about that house??

Time stamp 3:11: Claiming it was Jensen’s first time in the kitchen, which literally doesn't make sense. Unless he'd been barred from the kitchen, surely he'd been in there to grab a beer, a snack, something for the kids. By saying this, she's implying that he uses her as a servant to get him everything. (I’m intrigued by Jensen's statement about the stove/oven, and how it was “so unnecessary”. He's been overruled.)

Time stamp 4:00: Jensen is very, very shocked that the chair moves. How is he that surprised by a moving chair? Does he not live there?! With kids, stuff would move!

Time stamp 5:39: Again, implying Jensen never helps out with the kids, the diapers. Uh, Danneel, neither do you. You have nannies.

Time stamp 6:04: She says it’s “ridiculous” he’s doing a marathon? It’s for charity, Danneel! So much for being a caring, compassionate person.

Time stamp 6:39: Jensen has to go to the guest room when he comes home late at night? Does Danneel not want to greet her husband lovingly, regardless of how late it is? She prioritizes sleep over him? Ooookay.

Time stamp: 6:58: Persistently tortures Jensen with the creepy doll. She knows it bothers him, yet keeps it around and keeps torturing him with it. Yeah, cool, that’s love, folks!

Time stamp 9:04: States rather publicly that he never cleaned the bathrooms. Danneel, honey, I’m fairly certain you don’t either—you have maids.

Time stamp 9:20: Embarrasses Jensen with the “where the magic happens” statement about the master suite. Jensen asked for it to not be included. Oh look. It's included. Overruled him again. He never has his way, does he, Danneel?

Time stamp 9:46: Of course Danneel doesn’t care that Jensen doesn’t like the big window and how people might be able to look in when they’re in the bathroom. She loves the attention and loves bragging about the man she trapped in marriage, no matter how uncomfortable it makes him. So considerate.

Time stamp 11:41: Puts Jensen down by saying she’s a little bit neater than him. Then puts him down again by saying he had help on cleaning up his side. Do you ever praise your husband, woman??

Yet, she praised him here, about how he’s been pitching in with mopping, preparing FBBC. Liar, liar, pants on fire at this point.

The FBBC interview. Let's not kid ourselves. That interview was bad. The interviewer didn't really do a good job, but it revealed a lot about the dynamic between Danneel and Jensen. At one point, Danneel claimed Jensen didn’t smell good, and he tried to excuse it because he was mopping (wait, I thought he didn't do any cleaning, Danneel??). Then she was like “Oh yeah he did so...” Then she made that horrible joke about being pregnant and Jensen actually gagged. Yes, he tried to play it off as a joke, but the look on his face was not that of a man who was happy to hear his wife was pregnant again. (Not to mention, you should never make such jokes because it’s such a heavily sensitive topic. Jokes only work if everyone laughs.) All of it was meant to humiliate and put Jensen down for the work he did in making FBBC a reality. There’s also the part where they were asked if they were tired of each other. Jensen was quick to say “Yes”.

Then there's Wales Comic Con. She made up the fib about auditioning for every single Supernatural female role, claimed she tried to use knowing/being with Jensen as a way in (that's called nepotism, dear), and all of that was... a lie. Then she tried to claim credit for helping Jensen drop the Dean voice while humiliating him about it. (He actually tried to defend himself by saying that was his voice.) The whole panel was humiliation after another. I detailed it in this post.

Not to mention her saying Jensen wasn't anything like David Spade and said “no, but you'll do”. Wow. Way to put your husband down and say he’s second best (again). Good lord.

Yet, she also said this:

Either he helps or he doesn’t, Danneel. Which is it?

4. Controlling. This part. I've gotten push back on this. “She doesn't work, she stays home all the time, how could she possibly control Jensen??”

By controlling his social media, and had been for years. No doubt this is largely to keep the facade of “happily married couple”, with her making posts on his Instagram in honor of her, praising her, and so forth. It’s also a way of monitoring his interactions with others, particularly women, and to keep track of who he’s been in touch with.

Indeed, I suspect up until Danneel’s birthday post this year, any comments, posts, that praised her were all Danneel, not Jensen.

Access to one’s cellphone, email address, and other social media is almost as good as attaching a GPS onto a person. If she accessed his cloud, she can access everything from text messages he’s sent to his most recent emails to his employers.

I have some proof but it will take time to document all of them.

There’s also this post, showing the difference between Danneel and Jensen.

There are also indications, histories, of Danneel signing fan autographs that said something along the lines of “hands off bitches, he’s mine”.

Jealous much, Ms. Graul?

It doesn't come across to me as "adorable" or "mischievous". It comes across to me as an insecure woman who knows her hold is tenuous at best.

But then she has a history of being controlling and jealous everywhere. Such as here and here.

She also insisted on him going out and looking for work all the time. Even after him wanting to reconnect with the family after the end of Supernatural. He suggested a three month trip around Europe, for the family.

Her response?

Then there were the recent cons where he mentioned it again, where Danneel is pushing him to go work, work, work. He’s never allowed to be home, to be a father, to be a husband. A loving marriage? I don't think so.

To be continued in Part Two.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I don't think the ones who are disappointed about having a male Yuu for the next chapter are disappointed because they don't want a male Yuu or hate it, but they just want to see more femme Yuu since we only get one until now.

I personally don't mind whether it's a male or a female, but I may be slightly disappointed if it's a male—not because I hate male Yuus, but just because I would like to see more than just one femme Yuu with different personalities, like we get a strong femme Yuu, so it would be nice to get a more timid femme Yuu so all the fandom get a bit of what they prefer. 

It would be nice getting different personalities for Male Yuus too!

[Referencing this post!]

These asks are on a similar subject, so I decided to put them together!

Be warned that I do discuss negative fandom behaviors + comments regarding femme and masc Yuus in this post; please proceed with caution and feel free to skip if you don't feel you’re ready for it. Take care of yourselves ^^

To the first ask: As I said in my original reply, it’s totally fine to want to see more femme Yuus. There is nothing inherently wrong with this. And, of course, wanting a femme Yuu does not automatically equate to hating/not wanting a masc Yuu. The two exist as separate things—they can overlap, but that isn’t representative of the majority.

You can and should be allowed to voice disagreement, disappointment, etc. with whatever decisions Twst makes. What I worry about is that, depending on how these thoughts and opinions are expressed, it may still come off as intolerant, even if unintentionally. For example, if I said, “Aww, masc Yuu this time? I thought Yuu would be femme because of the boy-girl-boy pattern”, it’s pretty neutral. But if I had instead said, “ARE YOU FR????? 😭 😭 😭 ANOTHER MASC YUU?? As if we don’t already have enough of these mfers”… It comes off much differently, see? Both statement are demonstrating disappointment, but the latter reads as more disparaging due to things like word choice, capitalization, etc. (And again, even if it is not the OP’s intention, their words could still be interpreted as unwelcoming to masc/nb fans.)

Like you, I don’t really mind what gender Yuu is and it would be nice to have more diversity in their identities and personalities!! (My favorite so far has got to be Yuuta; I like how earnest and heartfelt he is; he has very different vibes than Yuuken and Yuuka, who were both more stoic by comparison.) I only wish that the wording used for the topic would be more mindful, as it’s already alienating enough for masc/nb fans when so much of the fandom content seems to revolve around the feminine perspective (such as assuming she/her pronouns for reader inserts). When fellow fans use non-inclusive language (yes, even if unintentionally), it can result in a space that isn’t very friendly.

Another concern that I have is that people are looking to official materials to (for lack of a better term) “validate” the existence of their own creations. This was a prominent issue back in the days of only Heartslabyul and Savanaclaw. When the Episode of Heartslabyul had just begun with Yuuken, there was outcry from the English-speaking side of the fandom because people believed that this "canonized" Yuu as being male and thereby "invalidated" the several femme Yuusonas that existed in the fandom. Then, when the Episode of Savanaclaw came out, revealing Yuuka (our first "official" female Yuu), there was rejoicing because people now felt that femme Yuus were "canonized". I don't know, I just feel like people should be able to create what they want and be able to have fun in the process without having to rely on official sources to make them feel justified to make art, writing, etc. Your creations should be valid and fulfilling to you regardless of whatever interpretations official sources introduce.

To the second ask: I am NOT claiming that there is no such thing as the disparaging of femme Yuus. People disparaging masc Yuus and people disparaging femme Yuus are two different things. Saying that one happens is not ignoring or denying that the other one also happens. I have unfortunately witnessed plenty of both, and there have been very vitriolic comments made against femme and masc Yuus 😔 For every "femme Yuus shouldn't exist, this is an all-boys school and if you have a femme Yuu then you’re dumb" or "you're only making a femme Yuu to ship them with the guys/yumes are so pathetic and cringe" I've seen, I've also seen a "masc Yuus are so ugly" or "male Yuus and OCs are just ripoffs of their superior female counterparts". None of these comments are okay to make, they all just fuel resentment in the fandom space. This is not an issue of which side is “worse”. Both sides in the debate are bad because they put people down and perpetuate gender-based intolerance. The ask from my original post is not the only person I have seen being disappointed at the possibility of another male Yuu. There's been a lot of the same sentiment floating around on various socials and Twst servers, both now and back then (around the time(s) of Yuuken and/or Yuuka's releases). As I've said before, expressing disappointment is not an issue in of itself; the issue is that the manner in which a select few express their disappointment can be aggressive--and if those are the ones who speak the loudest, then it doesn't make this fandom space feel very open. This is true whether you are talking about femme Yuu hate, masc Yuu hate, just... hate in general for any kind of Yuu.

Twst is a joseimuke. By definition, it is a game with a target demographic of women--and that means all of the playable characters (not including the player/self-insert character) will most likely be guys. That's why Night Raven College is an all-boys school by design. It's just a very convenient location for a joseimuke. It doesn't mean the devs wanted to make another "exclusively male masculine space" like those that exist in real life. The main cast being primarily men appeals to and attracts an audience of largely (straight) women and has nothing to do with the existence of irl spaces for men (where women may actually be discouraged from being present or at least feel uncomfortable there). There are opposite intentions in these scenarios. It’s like demanding that a mainstream otome game include more female love interests when the target audience of an otome is typically women; naturally, most of the love interests would be men—not because of sexism or a dislike of women/not wanting to welcome women, not because the in-universe locations are “men only”, but because of the gaming genre. If we're talking about the Twst fandom itself, it's already mostly women; in what way is it a male masculine space? Trying to be inclusive of masc/nb fans doesn't mean the fandom is suddenly going to be inundated with men or that men will start bullying women out of this space. A lot of the femme Yuu hate, for examples, comes from OTHER women in the fandom, not men. Particular forms of hatred are not exclusive to gender, and I don't think we should be perpetuating it by pointing fingers.

Yuu is poised to be whatever the player wants them to be! It's why they aren't really referred to by specific pronouns and a lot of their talents and other traits are left ambiguous--so the player can project as much or as little as they want onto them. I feel that it isn't too wild of a wish to hope that the fandom can carry the same open-minded energy.

[depravitycentral]

Yandere! Sanemi Shinazugawa General Profile

Yandere! Sanemi Shinazugawa x fem! reader

Tw: kidnapping, violence/mild gore, Sanemi controls your diet/comments on what you eat, mentions of physical and sexual assault (not by Sanemi though because he is Consent King™), my characterization of Sanemi is a little unusual I think but I stand by it, part of that characterization involves him being very sexually frustrated so mentions of masturbation, Stockholm Syndrome, mentions of reader being insecure/having low self esteem, kind of mind-break ish for reader, fem reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!

WC: 13K

DARLING PROFILE:

Honest 

To Sanemi, there is nothing more worthless than liars - with the exception, possibly, of demons. He doesn’t understand why one would skate around the truth, and in his eyes it’s a sign of weakness, of an unwillingness to face reality and to cheat themselves.

Needless to say, he wouldn’t tolerate a partner who is prone to lying, who lets falsities slip from their lips like it’s nothing. He wants to know that his partner won’t front anything, that each word and phrase that they speak is nothing but how they feel, their honest thoughts and feelings.

Trust means a lot to him, and because it’s so difficult for him to fully open up, to allow himself to becomes vulnerable, he’s quite selective with who he lest see the real Sanemi Shinazugawa, the real man who wants nothing more than for the ones he loves to be safe and happy.

He needs a darling who won’t bullshit him, who can hold his respect and take a slight weight off his shoulders by knowing that they won’t ever lie to him.

It doesn’t mean his paranoia diminishes in any sense of the word, but the sentiment is still nice - it’s pleasing to him that when his darling is finally giving in and telling him in a defeated, resigned voice that they love him too, when he’s forcing out a compliment that sounded wonderful in his head but strange once it passed him that the small smile and soft ‘thanks’ they give is real.

He needs to comfort of knowing that his darling is authentic, that they’re showing their real selves to him, and with each glimpse he sees he only falls more and more in love. 

Opinionated

There is no doubt that Sanemi works tirelessly to be as powerful as he can, that it’s his sole drive in life to kill and defeat demons. He’s a man fueled by adrenaline and hate for the man-eating creatures, and he desires a darling who is similarly motivated.

His darling doesn’t need to have a tragic past or anything of the sort, but he appreciates someone who is somewhat of a spitfire.

He likes women who can challenge him, and if his darling is able to keep up with him and even occasionally be better than him at something, it’s a sure fire way for him to grow interested.

He loves the idea of his darling being capable and independent (ironic, considering the way he grows to coddle his darling and let his overprotectiveness convince him that they’re utterly helpless without him), and a darling who’s able to showcase this personality trait gets him ever so slightly flustered.

He likes someone who can stand up to him, who doesn’t let him boss them around, and while he’ll want them to be complacent and listen to him once he has a more solidified role in their life, there’s something so incredibly attractive about them having their own mind and opinion.

He may act like it irritates him at first, butting heads with his darling and even occasionally complaining about how headstrong they are, but it’s one of the very first things that catches Sanemi’s attention and keeps it.

(That and, of course, the color of their eyes, the sway of their hips, the lilt of their voice, and myriad other qualities that make him gape like some lovesick school boy. Pathetic.)

Kind

On the flip side, Sanemi is also wildly attracted to a darling who is a truly kind person.

They can be opinionated, hardheaded, competitive, any number of things that leave them labeled as a strong personality, but it’s in the moments where Sanemi sees how truly compassionate they are that his feelings really become cemented.

He’s had to bury his own compassion and empathy down over the years, hardening his shell and playing into the character so well that it’s become essentially his real self, and to see his darling able to be so kind and loving to the people around them makes him wildly flustered and jealous.

It reminds him of his old self, and while that brings its own heavy baggage, there’s something freeing and so very calming about it, like some long lost puzzle piece is slotting into place because it just feels right.

And when his darling turns that kindness onto him, Sanemi’s genuinely at a loss for words. The first time they scold him for getting injured and help tend to his wounds, he’s already putty in their hands. He’s momentarily struck silent when his darling presents to him a small gift from a nearby market, the gift itself meager and not something Sanemi particularly wants, but there’s something about the gesture that gets his heart racing, flattered and unsure why they’d be giving someone like him something.

It’s a quality that he subconsciously looks for, and though he’d never admit it, it’s difficult for him to not notice just how kind his darling would be in the context of motherhood. They’d be great with children, he’s sure, and while he doesn’t want to bring any children into the world while it's still crawling with demons, he’s nursing the quiet, embarrassed dream of his darling carrying his children and heading a loving, large family.

It’s the stuff of his fantasies, the kind of thing that makes him flush and get irritated at sappy at is, but with each kind gesture and compliment, his darling only makes it harder and harder to not dream of it.

Brave

On many levels, to become a person Sanemi respects you’d have to be brave. He simply doesn’t tolerate those who are weak-willed or meek, and a darling who’s more willing to put themselves out there or stand up for others is extremely attractive to him.

His darling doesn’t need to be a risk-taker, but he appreciates someone is willing to go outside of their comfort zone every once in a while. This is especially true when it comes to interacting with him. His tough demeaner scares most people off, so his darling would need to be willing to tough it out and stand up to him in order to dig past his rough exterior and get at the soft, vulnerable side of him.

It makes him proud, really, when his darling does something that he deems brave or difficult for them. It fills him with a sense of accomplishment, feeling genuinely happy for them because he’s so very proud when they achieve even basic things.

He's extremely observant and picks up on even minute aspects of his darling’s personality, and so he’s very in touch with what’s within his darling’s comfort zone and what isn’t.

This trait is by and large a positive for him, however there are times when it becomes the bane of his existence; if they do something he deems stupid or unnecessary and puts them in danger he becomes very, very angry. He’s paranoid in every sense of the word, terrified that his darling will die or somehow disappear, leaving him behind to be all alone, losing just another person he’s come to love.

(Though, love is perhaps not quite the word for it – needs, maybe, or even adores, just with a sense of finality that scares even Sanemi.) His darling’s braveness is a double-edged sword, and once they’re under his lock and key, he’s trying to cut down on their ability to act on this as much as possible, not only for their safety but also his sanity.

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS: 

Protective

As a general rule, Sanemi’s expression of his feelings towards you is rather indirect. He’ll never outright confess that he’s in love with you until very, very late into his obsession, and by that time you’ll have already been trapped by his side for at least a few months, already uncomfortably aware that he feels something for you, even if he won’t put a name on it.

He’s not traditionally romantic in any sense, and while he does harbor fantasies about being all soft and mushy with you, he can’t seem to allow himself to act on these desires, particularly towards the beginning of his infatuation.

(He’ll spend his nights laying awake, staring at the ceiling while his fingers trace patterns against the scars on his chest, imagining they’re your own softer, prettier hands, that you’re laying beside him and lulling him to sleep with your touch and soft voice, that you’re telling him that you love him and that you feel so safe with you, Sanemi. Idly, he wonders whether you’re put off by the scars – you’ve never mentioned it, sure, but Sanemi isn’t stupid. He knows you’re too nice and perhaps too intimidated by him, but he still bites his lip and wonders whether you wouldn’t mind them, if you’d like them, if you’d be attracted to them, even… And suddenly his fingers feel like fire because now he’s imagining how it would feel to have your lips trail the scarred skin instead and oh god-)

He’s not particularly overt with many aspects of his obsession, with a few stark exceptions – namely, Sanemi is very, very overprotective of you. Call it a result of a traumatic childhood and adult life or perhaps even a coping mechanism, but once his feelings for you begin to fester, your safety becomes his number one priority.

And really, isn’t it understandable?

Seeing humans get slaughtered on a daily basis constantly reminds him that you’re weak. Sure, he’s a Hashira and risks his life with every breath, but you’re you. You’re painfully unprepared to handle a confrontation with a demon, and with each new violent, gory death he sees, Sanemi becomes more and more aware of this.

It’s maddening, really, because he’ll be out on a mission and be just a hair too late to save some poor civilian woman and oh, her hair color is so very similar to yours – from a distance it almost looks like you. Your faces aren’t similar, though, and as Sanemi runs past the fresh corpse in pursuit of the monster, he’s breathing a sigh of relief because for the smallest, briefest moment he was almost convinced that that was you.

And later that night, as he sits down alone in his quiet, empty mansion, every blink of his eyes is flashing an image of you in her position, scarlet blood staining your skin and tears drying against your cheeks. It makes him grit his teeth, pacing around the room and clutching onto his sword hilt, muttering under his breath about how you’re driving him crazy and this shit needs to stop, I have to stop, this has to stop…

But he still finds himself dashing off to the modest room you call home, anger flaring when he notices you’ve left your window open, mentally berating you and promising to sternly remind you tomorrow to not be so careless.

Wide eyes peer into your bedroom to catch sight of you peacefully sleeping, and he sucks in a breath at the sight. You’re just so pretty – all soft and warm in your bed, lips parted ever so slightly, the slope of your nose catching his eye, the slow rise and fall of your chest.

(He’ll stop to match his own breathing with yours, palm pressing against the glass of the window, unable to stop staring even as he calls himself pathetic and a creep for watching you sleep. It’s just calming in a way he can’t describe, and when he finally forces himself to move some thirty minutes later, the cycle only restarts as he steps foot back in his home.)

His anxiety that you’re unable to protect yourself manifests pretty early into his obsession – and you’ll notice, too. He’s unusually concerned with all aspects of your health and safety – he’s always asking when you’ve last eaten, what you had, if you’re still hungry, when you last had protein or a vegetable or drank water. And while he’s trying to be as civil and nonchalant as he can manage, he’s still staring, looming over you and looking at you with an intensity that makes you feel so very small, your answer more of a question than an answer.

And if he doesn’t like the answer, you’re being dragged to his own personal kitchen, all the while he’s grumbling about how you’re so irresponsible, can’t even feed yourself on your own, meanwhile he’s already boiling water and cutting vegetables, having forced you to sit on the most plush cushion he owns.

And you will be eating everything he feeds you – when you seem hesitant, he's threatening with a disturbingly serious I won’t let you leave until that tray is clean, the calmness and sincerity in his voice driving you to immediately pick up your utensils.

Typically, his cooking isn’t bad – perhaps ever so slightly charred, but it’s cooked to your tastes and preferences (though he never explicitly asked about them), and he’s always looking at you while you dine, those wide eyes of his never seeming to blink as he surveys every possible detail about you.

(Really, he’s doing two things – firstly, he’s obsessively checking over every aspect of your eating habits. How many times do you chew before you swallow? Which foods do you start eating first, and do you eat section by section or a little bit of everything? Do you blow on your foods if they’re too hot, your pretty lips puckering into a cute little ‘o’ that makes him suck in a breath? But even aside from that he’s staring, transfixed, because just last night he was dining alone at this table, solemnly chewing at his food while imagining your presence beside him, fantasizing about the day when you’re eating together, perhaps even swapping stories of the day or complimenting him or telling him that you look so handsome today Sanemi, it’s kind of pissing me off… Just the thought makes him sit up straighter, unconsciously puffing out his chest because he wants you to be very, very aware of the muscles lining every inch of his body.)

And even aside from food, his protectiveness is apparent in the way he treats you – he’s always quickly gazing over your body, checking for any signs of cuts, scrapes, bruises, or limps, the surveying genuinely clinical rather than perverse.

(Of course, later that night he’ll remember the details with a slightly lewder twist – wondering how soft your thighs must be and letting his hands flex into a fist in an effort to grab onto something, even though it can’t be you. He’s imagining exactly how those nipples of yours must look like, imagining in detail the way they’d look all pebbled, the skin soft and warm and god, he bets you’d taste sweet, like some sort of heaven.)

He’s refusing to leave your side when you walk into town, always trailing at your arm and constantly glowering at the people around you, his excuse something related to checking for demon activity in the crowd – you don’t mention that it’s daytime.

(He’s always raising a brow when men approach you, rage simmering just below the surface alongside an underlying sense of anxiety and insecurity because while he may be the most capable of protecting you, the kinder, gentler man that calls you beautiful at the small morning market may be more capable of winning your heart. And so, when they get too close, he’s quick to place himself between the two of you, a scowl on his face and his tone a mix of condescension and threatening when he tells him to get lost, one more step and I slice your arm off. It’s protection, sure, because who knows what these men could want from you, but the small, possessive part of him is smug when the man scurries off, his worries momentarily quelled because you’re still next to him, not that stranger.)

He’s pessimistic about people by nature, always assuming the worst, and so Sanemi accompanies you every free moment he possibly can, acting as your shadow and impossible to get away from. It’s irritating, really, because even if you fight and bicker with him about it, requesting that he please leave you alone because it scares you to have him hanging off of you like that, he’ll only resort to following you from a few meters behind, blending in with the crowd but still keeping those eyes on you, hand always tightly clutched around the hilt of his sword just in case your safety is threatened.

He knows it’s stalking, sure, and he reprimands himself for his weakness and inability to control himself, but the moment you’re out of his sight panic is racing through him, his breathing getting shallow and his skin feeling hot because fuck fuck fuck this isn’t happening, you’re not gone you can’t be gone please oh god where are you –

He’s running as quickly as he can to check behind every corner, desperation to find you so potent that it bars him from feeling embarrassed, only calming once he finds you. He’ll grasp onto your shoulders once he does, his grip nearly bruising as he demands to know where you’ve been, practically yelling at you to tell him if you’re hurt, if anyone bothered you, if you’ve been attacked or if you’re scared.

It’s only when you wince or beg him to back off that he does, freezing up and letting his mouth fall open stupidly, before suddenly jumping back as if touching you pains him, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth, disappointment and anger in himself for injuring you rolling through him.

He treats you like you’re delicate, fragile, breakable, and no matter how often you tell him – and prove to him – that you’re not, Sanemi refuses to acknowledge it.

After all, you needing protection gives him purpose. It gives him justification to be around you, to be allowed in your presence – it makes him think he might, just maybe, be worthy of your love. And no matter how pathetic it makes him feel to admit it, Sanemi would do absolutely anything to get you looking at him and needing him like he needs you.

Anything.

Possessive

And it’s palpable. Sanemi is many things, but subtle is not one of them – and while he may be decent at masking many aspects of his obsession with you, his possessive side is certainly not one of them.

He’s easily jealous, always suspecting the worst of people that approach you. The man that comes up to ask you for directions obviously has an ulterior motive, perhaps wanting to ogle you or get just a hair too close to your body for Sanemi’s comfort.

The older man that accidentally bumps into you as he walks with his cane may seem innocent, but Sanemi’s immediately scowling, eyeing the man like a hawk because many old men seem to feel much too entitled and much too confident in bothering younger, attractive women, and he’ll be damned before he lets some old creep harass you.

(A bit hypocritical, all things considered, because while Sanemi may be your age, he’s significantly more of a creep – the way he’s constantly following you, constantly thinking of you, imagining your smile and your laugh and of what he’s sure is a very warm and oh so fucking wet place between those plush thighs of yours. The old man would probably only touch you – Sanemi wants to do much, much more.)

And so, a large portion of his possessiveness stems from his own protectiveness. He firmly believes that no one else is capable of protecting you to the level and degree that he can. He’s a Hashira, unafraid to throw himself into danger for a cause he fully believes in, so why should he be afraid to put himself on the line in order to keep you safe and sound?

Slaughtering demons is still his life’s mission, sure, but somehow you’ve wormed your way in, too, and Sanemi finds it increasingly difficult to simply ignore how much of an effect you have on him. And even as much as he tries to deny his feelings in the beginning, praying and hoping that they’re simply temporary, it becomes very, very difficult to force himself to not care when he sees anyone else speaking to you.

And honestly, a lot of the anger comes from the fact that you have never been this familiar and carefree when conversing with Sanemi – you never smile at him like you do with this new man, all teeth and rounded cheeks and glowing eyes. It’s cute, adorable, beautiful even, but it’s also infuriating, making Sanemi’s blood boil and something ugly and uncomfortable press against his ribs.

Other men always seem to be able to more easily speak with you – they’re wittier, better at complimenting you, managing to make you laugh and smile in a way that hurts Sanemi to see. It’s painful, more than anything, and early into his obsession it’s moments like these that show him that no matter how he tries to convince himself that his feelings for you aren’t as strong or potent as he thinks, he’s wrong.

He needs you in a way that simultaneously frustrates and terrifies him. He hasn’t felt a connection and genuine desire in such a long time that he doesn’t even recognize the feeling at first – it takes him seeing you interact with men over a prolonged period of time to even understand the nature of his infatuation, realizing that instead of mere irritation he’s feeling, it’s something deeper, harsher, more personal.

It’s something that makes it hard to breath, his fists clenching and his legs feeling like lead, dread settling deep in his chest because oh god, what does he do?

He tends to act before thinking when it comes to you, his body seeming to react before he even has a moment to process what he’s seeing, and this is certainly no exception when another man approaches you. He’ll be quick to step in, but as Sanemi’s obsession continues on, he becomes more and more torn about his possessive tendencies.

By and large, he’s lucid about the nature of his feelings for you. He knows what he’s doing is wrong, and as time passes and his love for you only seems to grow exponentially, he begins to wonder whether interfering with potential lovers of yours is really the correct move. He’s horribly jealous, of course, barely able to keep himself from hurling the moment he sees you interacting with anyone else, but there’s something else there, sitting just below the surface and giving him ever so slight pause.

It’s guilt, the idea that he’s becoming unreasonably possessive and territorial over you when he really has no right to. After all, thinking of you as his woman makes him feel good, his chest feeling all tingly and his cheeks going hot, but it’s not really true, is it?

You’re not his – he’s just an admirer, a stalker who desperately wishes he could call out to you and have you smile at him, look at him, let him wrap you in his arms and even press a kiss or two against his trembling lips. But you’re not – and it’s difficult for Sanemi to rationalize that the longer his obsession goes on.

And so, by the times that he’s a few months into accepting his feelings for you, Sanemi tries to limit his interventions into your interactions with others to only situations where you’re uncomfortable or in danger. And it’s noble, truly – but the problem arises from the fact that Sanemi is the one judging when this occurs, deciding when someone is bothering you.

His mood plays a huge role in this judgement decision, his moodiness and however long he's been away from you or gone without interacting with you swaying his decision. If he’s been particularly absent from your life for the last few days or weeks, Sanemi is believing that everyone has ill intentions with you – every man that glances at you, even every elderly woman that compliments your eyes or your figure.

They all want you, and it makes him panic, growing anxious and terrified that someone will snatch you away from him, that he’ll lose you and with you every bit of happiness and calm you make him feel. It’s a panic response, more than anything, and he’ll immediately rush in, sometimes not even caring how you grow irritated and frustrated that he always seems to just appear, despite the fact that you have the situation under control.

It’s a mixture of genuine worry for your safety and selfish desire to keep you all to himself that motivates him, and you’ll notice a stark difference in his behavior once he’s got you stolen away in his estate. He won’t directly reveal his feelings to you, but his sense of ownership over you will become much more apparent with the way he’s always providing for you, giving you all sorts of expensive gifts and getting only the best foods for you, doing anything and everything to get you to like him, to get you to become willingly his and to show you that no one else could treat you as well or love you as wholly.

He’s a prideful man, sure, but when it comes to you everything flies out the window – he’s barely able to conceal his desperation for you, and the defense is so weak that you’ll spot the cracks immediately. You’ll be able to tell just how badly he needs you to admit that you’re his, his control over your life worsening with every day that passes because he simply can’t stand knowing that you aren’t utterly, completely his.

And really, would it be so bad to give in? There’s something romantic about a man who wants you so badly that he’s so hyper fixated on keeping you his and only his, isn’t there? Something exciting, something flattering, something raw?

Sanemi sure hopes you think so, but at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter – he can’t stop himself, and you will become his at the end of the day.

Shy

But in an extremely specific way – he doesn’t shy away from interacting with you per say, but it’s very, very difficult for him to become completely open and vulnerable with you.

He’s simply too closed off – he’s entirely unused to having anyone close in his life, his few relationships held quietly close to his heart and rocky, to say the least. (His love for Genya, for example, or even the comradery he feels for Obanai and his fellow Hashira, though he’s much more expressive than he realizes.)

He’s simply not good with words, often finding himself saying things he doesn’t mean or speaking with a tone entirely unreflective of what he feels. And as a result, he struggles with the idea of opening himself up to you. You’re simply too important to him – you’re his everything now, the woman he wants to protect and keep safe above all else.

And while he’s not deluded enough to believe that you can understand him simply by looking at him, Sanemi hopes and prays that his actions are enough to convey the depth and nature of his feelings.

(Though, he’s often unsure of whether he wants you to really understand just how strong his dependence on you really is. Perhaps it would be better if you didn’t know that he can’t spend a single hour without passing thoughts of you sifting through his mind – a simple glance at a cloud has him thinking it vaguely looks like your hair, the shape making the corner of his lip turn up ever so slightly, his fingers subconsciously rubbing together and imagining the texture against his skin. He doesn’t want you to know that sometimes, when he’s sitting alone and eating the rather bare-bones, plain meal he’s cooked for himself, he’ll set a second plate, biting back his pride and quietly speaking into the air, pretending that you’re sitting there and entertaining him, nodding along to his words and encouraging him after a particularly difficult mission or seeing you getting just a tad too friendly with another man.)

Really, a lot of the fear of opening himself up comes down to Sanemi’s lucidity about his feelings for you. He has no romantic experience, true, but he’s not stupid – he’s aware that it’s unusual to be this attached when the two of you are really only platonically involved, even as much as he yearns to take things further.

He understands that it’s not normal to be so hyper fixated and concerned on your health and safety, always having a moment of clarity as he scolds you for wearing shoes that are worn down enough to hurt the soles of your shoes, or for not drinking water all day.

He’s very aware that it’s wrong of him to be following you home and keeping an eye on you without your knowledge or consent, and truthfully he’s afraid to see your reaction when you realize just how truly depraved he’s become for you. He's sure that you’ll find him repulsive – maybe you’ll curse him out, calling him a freak and a creep and even a monster for invading your personal privacy and space on such a regular basis.

(You’d be mortified, he’s sure, to find out that he often lets himself into your apartment during the day, knowing you’ll be at a friend’s place for the next few hours and wandering back after following you there, the familiar scent of you calming him immediately once he steps inside. He’s sure you’d be angry to know that he’s thumbing at each and every item of clothing you own, memorizing the feel of the fabric, running his fingers along the inside just to pretend to feel your skin, finding that this is the closest thing he can get to touching you. He’s sure you’d be mad to know that he’s picked up your pillow, hugging it to his chest and pressing his face against it, deeply inhaling and even planting a few unsure, rather stiff kisses against the material, wishing with a sort of boyish hope that tonight you’ll happen to press your face against that specific spot as you sleep.)

He’s naively nursing the hope that you’d by some miracle be okay with his more covert behaviors, wishing that you secretly feel as strongly for him as he does you. But even then Sanemi doesn’t let himself slide too deeply into that thinking, aware that it’s dangerous to become so detached from reality. You will be horrified, and he will be absolutely shattered to see the way you’ll flinch away from him, how you’ll look at him with fear and disgust in your eyes.

(And really, the pathetic thing is that while Sanemi will be ashamed of your newfound perception of him, he can’t deny that he’d be absolutely giddy to have you looking at him, your attention entirely on him even if it’s negative. And that only serves to fill him with more self-loathing, something ugly and heavy settling against his chest at the thought because it really is awfully pitiful that simply your attention is enough to have his knees feeling weak, his cheeks tingling and his palms growing sweaty because oh, you see him.)

And so, Sanemi does his best to avoid broaching the subject of how he feels about you. Instead, he tries every possible method he can think of to express himself through actions.

He doesn’t have much as a reference point, both his career and his comrades not exactly ideal sources of healthy, loving relationships, but at a certain point Sanemi becomes too desperate to ignore his few resources. He needs you to see him, to smile at him and acknowledge him, and so he bites his pride and awkwardly approaches Kanroji about it.

He’s not exactly overjoyed to be asking for her advice, but she’s the only one he feels has any sort of idea what you could possibly be looking for in terms of romantic gestures. (He’d also considered asking Shinobu, but he’d immediately crossed that idea out upon realizing that not only would Shinobu likely tease him in the moment, she’d very likely never let it go, constantly holding it over his head that the Sanemi Shinazugawa needed advice on how to woo a woman. At least Kanroji would be kind about it.)

He’s approaching her and asking as nonchalantly as he can manage whether women like men to give them flowers, escort them from location to location, cook for them, where women like to be touched (with a very, very quick clarification of not in a weird way immediately following the question), or any number of other things. And Kanroji, while suspicious of his intentions, is more than happy to gush about the small things that make women swoon. And Sanemi is hanging onto every word – pressing for details about what specific compliments to shower you with, what small gifts he should consider picking up on his missions to bring home to you, what tone of voice he should be using instead of his usual gruff, irritated lilt.

Sanemi is quick to try and instill some of these ideas into his ‘relationship’ with you – he spends easily an hour biting his lip and diligently searching through every single flower at the shop, his hands slightly trembling when he hands you the small bouquet, struggling to make eye contact as he quietly – and with something almost akin to a tremor in his voice – tells you that your kimono is beautiful, the statement almost phrased like a question.

It’s the closest Sanemi is willing to get to admitting his feelings in times like these, and up until the point where he steals you away into his own abode, these sporadic bursts of confidence and nerves will leave you with whiplash because mere moments later he’ll be growling at a drunk man approaching you, threats slipping from his lips and his aura suddenly switching from bashful, almost schoolboy-esque to deadly serious.

And once he’s been forced you kidnap you, this behavior mostly continues. He still doesn’t want to fully confess everything, but he’s trying his absolute hardest to make you as happy as possible – going out of his way to keep you comfortable and satisfied, guilt eating away at him and making him overcompensate by treating you like you’re royalty.

With time, he’ll slowly become more open to you – that mask will slip ever so slightly, bits of his true feelings shining through. He’ll accidentally let it slip that he knows something about you that he shouldn’t, cluing you into his behaviors revolving around the stalking and rifling through your things.

It’ll be the middle of the night and he’s suddenly jolted awake after a particularly graphic nightmare, half asleep as he rushes out of his bed and practically runs to find you. He’s frantic to check that you’re still in the bed he’s set up for you, his breathing only calming down when he sees your still form, a declaration of love, adoration, and relief slipping from his lips that you happen to hear and wonder at how he can be so sappy and whipped.

It’s embarrassing, more than anything, but Sanemi simply struggles to be vulnerable – eventually you’ll become uncomfortably aware of just how badly he needs you, what with his growing need for your affirmations and physical touch, but the process is slow going, frustrating, confusing, even. But please be patient with him – he’s trying his best for you, really, and with every rejection and laugh when he’s attempting to open up, the less likely he becomes to completely and fully trust that you could love him, too.

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

Sanemi has always been a bit more on the aggressive side; between slaughtering demons for a living and being a bit brash in his words in his personal life, he’s never been one for handling problems with delicacy, or even really diplomacy – when he gets angry, it’s a bit all consuming.

And when you get thrown into the equation? Well, Sanemi is a lost cause – his emotions regarding you are so complex, so overwhelming and deep that the moment he feels your relationship is being threatened, he’s immediately shutting it down, attacking the threat mercilessly with everything he has because fuck, he can’t let you leave him.

When it comes to romance and love, he’s honestly quite insecure; he knows that there’s no way he’s your first choice, that someone as harsh and rude and demanding could ever possibly be the one you desire. Not to mention the fact that he’s constantly putting his life on the line, the gamble he’s playing on whether he’ll live to see the light of day every night. And he’s not sure about the scars the job produces, too, because while he normally wears them as a badge of pride to signal his toughness and battle experience, he’s not so sure you’d share the same positive response to them.

(It’s such a constant worry for him that the moment you’re in his vicinity, he’s torn between leaving his uniform wide open to show off his sculpted pectorals and abs and simultaneously wanting to cover up, terrified that you’ll find his scarred and calloused body upsetting, repulsive.)

He knows he’s not the ideal man, but there’s a part of him that’s desperately clinging onto the idea that maybe, just maybe you love him too, that you’re just as happy being with him, that you need him as badly as he needs you. It’s unrealistic, though, and in his heart of hearts he knows it and berates himself for even entertaining the idea that you see him as anything more than an acquaintance (or a friend at most).

And yet, the moment that he sees another man – one that’s arguably more similar to what he’s sure your type must be - all reason gets thrown out the door. He’s gritting his teeth as he sees another man approaching you, talking to you, even so much as looking at you – it’s a threat to the relationship he’s precariously building between the two of you, a possibility for something to drive you away from him, the mere idea scaring the absolute shit out of him.

You’re his everything, the reason he lives to see another day, and the moment your safety is compromised (because Sanemi is absolutely fucking sure that that man approaching you with a flush on his face and wide eyes has intentions that are only bad, desires racing through his heart to hurt you, leave you crying and violated and so very scared) he’s immediately wanting to interfere, to break you away from whatever son of a bitch decided to come between what’s rightfully his, what he’s devoted so much of his time and energy to – you.

And even as he realizes that this mindset is detrimental, unhealthy, potentially irreparably damaging your perception of him, Sanemi can’t find it in himself to stop. He’s just too paranoid, too terrified that you’ll be so cruelly ripped away from him.

And of course, it’s also a matter of paranoia where your safety is concerned, too – he has no faith in your ability to fight, and he’s confident that if a bigger, stronger man were to assault you in some way, you’d be hard pressed to fight him off.

(A notion that makes him sick, immediately clutching at his sword and furrowing his eyebrows, the need to see you immediately making him spring to life, already sprinting to where he knows you typically are this time of day.)

And so, Sanemi will often step in between the stranger and you, regardless of the context. And while it pisses you off when it’s a friend of yours or even a simple stranger with innocent intentions, Sanemi manages to redeem himself because every time a creep approaches you, he’s always, always there to swoop in and save you just as the weight of your situation begins washing over you.

(And Sanemi is more than happy to play your savior – just the look you give him, so full of admiration and gratitude and, dare he say, awe, is enough to make him flustered for the next week, finding himself unable to fall asleep and instead imagining your face, clutching at his pillow and squeezing his eyes shut, small whispers of your name falling past his lips.)

In retrospect, you really shouldn’t have gone out for groceries this late. It was winter time, when everything goes dark much too quickly. Before you’d known it the sun was setting and you had yet to stock up on food for the week, making you quickly race out the door and trying to catch the last few minutes of vendors. The market was just barely open, the entire town feeling oddly deserted considering how early it still was.

As nightfall descended, the sun slipping past the horizon, you find yourself carrying a bag of heavy groceries and padding back home, grunting occasionally at the heavy weight in your arms. Your home wasn’t in the best of neighborhoods, the area always feeling just slightly ominous at night, but the rather depressing sight of your empty cupboards had forced you to venture at a time you’d normally avoid leaving your front door.

Biting your lip, you let the groceries in your hand shift slightly, letting the weight shift from one arm to another. Your attention is so focused on the cloth bags in your arms that you fail to notice the figure standing at the side of the road, lounging in front of a small family-owned restaurant that was closed for the evening. His robes are a dark green color, stained with something along the front that left it dark and greasy, a bottle of something strong-smelling in his clutched fist.

You hadn’t noticed him at first, but you suddenly go stiff as he whistles, the bottle crashing to the ground and shattering. Freezing only momentarily, you quickly keep moving, trying to ignore the way the man is calling after you.

Hey, get back here, woman, he’d slurred, even audibly sounding drunk.

The rather weak torches stationed every few meters along the street make it difficult to see behind you, but you can clearly hear his footsteps getting closer.

You can also hear the distinct lack of others’ footsteps, meaning you’re totally alone with a drunk man seemingly intent on bothering you.

Gulping, you keep your shoulders low, trying to curl into yourself but keeping the same pace, hoping by some stroke of luck the man would lose interest or give up on following you. Your home was only a few blocks away, if you could just push a little further maybe you’d be able to close him off at the door, and surely he’d stop then, right? He’d be too bored waiting outside for you, surely.

Hey bitch, turn around! His hand is suddenly on your shoulder, fingertips digging tightly against your clothed skin and making you wince slightly. He’s taller than you’d thought, something that becomes frighteningly obvious as he turns you to face him.

He’s sneering, lips curling up into something ugly that makes your gut twist. His breath reeksof the same sour, alcohol-baked scent, and as he leans in, you try your best to step away, leaning away from his approach.

Please leave me alone, you try, your voice sounding pathetically weak even to your own ears. He’s strong, you can tell – the dingy clothing hid his physique, but it’s not hard to feel the way his grip tightens, the way he makes an unpleasant noise that has fear prickling up your spine.

What did you just say to me? He asks, baring his teeth and moving to cup your jaw between his fingers, pressing his thumb against your lips and pressing hard enough to make you squirm, the pressure against your teeth making your panic only grow worse. He cocks a brow at your struggling, his smile creeping up again as his free hand came up to rest at your hip, moving down and towards your middle, barely passing over your clothed navel and making you open your mouth to scream. The groceries are dropped, your fear overweighing your despair at losing your week’s salary on a single grocery run.

You’re barely able to vocalize your fear before a sudden flash of white fills your peripheral, the pressure against your mouth suddenly lessening. Your body slumps down, falling to your knees on the ground as your eyes grow wide, your breaths heavy and labored as you look upon the scene before you.

The man – your savior, is standing before you, five fingers wrapped around the man’s throat and shoving him up against the wall of the nearest shop, Sanemi’s teeth bared and his own chest rising and falling rapidly.

He’s got his free hand clutched onto the hilt of his sword, and for a brief, terrifying moment you’re sure he’ll whip his blade out, perhaps slicing into the man’s guts and leaving him a bloody, mutilated pile of bones. Some sick, malevolent part of you finds a sick sort of pleasure in the idea, but your body is moving before you can even think, struggling to your feet and moving to rush forward and stop Sanemi from acting on what you’re very aware is a quick-trigger temper.

But before you can take more than a few steps, the sound of the Hashira’s voice is ringing in your ears. It’s low, gravelly, sounding as if it’s taking every bit of his concentration and self-control to not be screaming and yelling, nasally and gravely, the words clipped and uneven as his fingers tighten.

You piece of shit, touching women without their consent, you’re fucking disgusting, rot in hell –

It’s like a mantra, Sanemi sounding so very genuine and forceful, and as you stand frozen at the intensity in his voice, his words only become darker, more sinister.

Don’t touch her, don’t you fucking dare or I swear I’ll slice your head clean off and dismember your every limb. He grins, eyes going wide. I’ll slice off your cock, too, that’d be good, huh? Can’t bother any innocent women when you’re not even a man.

He punctuates this point with a kick to man’s groin, the pained groan he lets out only making Sanemi’s smile widen. You take a small step back, but Sanemi doesn’t even seem to notice.

Anyone who touches her is dead. You hear me? You’re fucking dead.

The harasser is clawing at his hand, whimpering and wheezing as his air supply grows smaller and smaller.  It’s at this point that you audibly gasp, covering your mouth with your hand and staring at him with shock, your fingers trembling and your heart racing.

That noise seems to snap Sanemi out of his trance, his muscles going rigid and his head snapping to you. His eyes widen and his lips part, the airiest whisper of your name falling from his lips, and then he’s suddenly letting go of the stranger, backing away and staring at his own hand in shock, as if he’s horrified by what his own body has done.

The man falls to the ground, curled up and coughing, but neither you nor Sanemi pay him any mind. He’s still looking at you, mouth opening and closing like a fish, mind racing as he tries to think of something to say – anything to say, really, because the way you’re looking at him right now is making his heart break, panic engulfing him because no no no now you must think he’s a violent killer and oh god you must hate him now –

He breaks the trance by rushing forward, hands immediately coming out to clutch at your shoulders, his grip noticeably softer than how he’d been choking the man. His eyes are searching over your face, glancing over every inch of your body, his breaths still coming out uneven and ragged, and Sanemi’s quickly swallowing, unsure of what to say but practically blurting out the words.

That wasn’t – I don’t – I’m not going to hurt him, I promise –

You blink at him, body stiff and unsure, but the longer he babbles on the more your muscles relax.

I wouldn’t hurt a human, I’m not a monster, I just – he was harassing you and I don’t even know what happened, I just started moving and –

You shut him up by carefully, hesitantly placing a hand over one of his, the skin contact making him suck in a sharp breath, gaze immediately zeroing in on the sight.

Your smile is only half-genuine, fear and adrenaline coursing through you, but now that the man has crawled away, cursing Sanemi out, you’re starting to calm down. You’ve spent enough time with the Hashira to know he won’t hurt you, and seeing him this worked up, this flustered and desperate to get you to believe him is proof enough that he’s telling the truth.

Stop Sanemi, I know. I understand. At that he visibly relaxes, his jaw tensing and clenching as he swallows. Thank you for saving me.

He pauses, eyebrows rising ever so slightly, before he lets out a deep, shaky exhale, nodding his head and stepping back, releasing his grip on you.

Good is all he says, still looking at you, before his grip rests once more on the hilt of his sword. He glances towards your groceries, before scowling. Are you stupid? Why the hell are you out at this hour to get groceries?

You bristle at this, familiar behavior making you shoot him a glare. Don’t judge me, not all of us can afford to have private servants cook us meals.

Sanemi scoffs. I don’t have private servants, you’re making shit up again.

You continue to bicker, still shaking slightly as you gather the groceries that fell out of the bag upon impact with the ground. Sanemi begrudgingly helps you, forcing you to let him carry both bags while he escorts you home, berating you for being out at this time the entire way.

It’s only later that night that you really truly think about what had happened, his words ringing through your mind because why had Sanemi said that? How had he even known where you were, much less that you were in danger?

You’re not sure, but as you slip under your covers and bury your face against your pillow, you find yourself brushing aside the odd coincidental nature of the encounter, instead finding yourself thankful that Sanemi was there to intervene before things got truly bad.

(Meanwhile, Sanemi is staying true to his promise of not killing any humans – though he’s quick to track down the drunk man, scoffing at the state of him. He’d fallen asleep, evidently, laying on the dirty streetcorner a ways away from your home. Rage overcomes him as he recalls the way this man had touched you, even going so far as to grope your most intimate region without your permission, anger and even a small bit of jealousy overwhelming Sanemi.

He'll certainly not kill the man, but he wasn’t lying when he promised to slice off the man’s cock – he wouldn’t miss it, would he? Besides, he tells himself as he cuts clean and quick lines, it’s for you. This way, the creep might not feel the need to harass you again, and might keep his filthy hands to himself.

And when Sanemi drops him off unceremoniously outside the doors of the nearest medical house, he can only scoff, turning his back on the bleeding man and listening as the medics immediately begin swarming him.

He doesn’t like hurting humans, sure, but for you? Well, the walk back to your home is short, and as he slips inside, standing at the foot of your bed and swallowing at the sight of your sleeping form, he feels himself visibly relax. You’re just too perfect – and as he inhales the smell of you, he knows he’d do it again if it meant keeping you safe, keeping you his.)

TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:

Though Sanemi can’t deny the allure of domesticity with you, kidnapping you is actually something he is very strongly against. It’s a combination of factors that leave him hesitant to steal you away – he’s worried that it would permanently alter your personality, and he doesn’t want you to fear him.

He’s lucid enough to know that his feelings for you border and delve into creep territory, his penchant for following you and compulsively checking on you making it difficult to see himself as anything other than a pathetically obsessed man chasing and lusting after an innocent civilian woman.

And yet, he can’t stop himself from wanting you, needing you so badly that it physically hurts, and so Sanemi gives into his more disturbing urges with the clear, resolute promise to himself that he’ll never do anything truly drastic.

And of course, kidnapping you falls into this category. It’s the only way he can justify following you around, fantasizing about holding you and touching you and hearing you say his name. It’s the only way he can calm himself down when moments of lucidity and clarity come rushing at him, guilt clawing at his throat because why the fuck is he hovering over your sleeping figure and reaching into his trousers right now?

He doesn’t trust himself around you, and that’s only another deterrent to keeping you locked up and away with him. It’s like he’s not in control of his body when you’re present – he’s always looking at you, sneaking glances even when he explicitly tells himself not to.

(Even when he instigates a sort of punishment system for himself – he clenches his fist hard enough to draw blood or pinches himself too tightly every time he catches himself doing it, trying to break the habit. Instead, however, he finds himself littered in bruises and all sorts of crescent-shaped marks on his palms, his will-power no match for the way he needs to be looking at you constantly.)

He’s always gravitating towards you, keeping his body facing in your direction, just so that if you do something or say something he’ll be able to immediately respond, every fiber of his being hoping that you’ll reach out, that you’ll speak to him, that you’ll acknowledge him.

(Hell, he’s even lost control subconsciously – he’s puffing his chest out without thinking about it when you’re around him, subtly trying to make the deep slit in his uniform go wider so that you can see more of his corded muscles, clenching his abs tightly enough to make the definition impossible to ignore. He’s running his hands through his hair the moment someone mentions your name, swiping his bangs out of his eyes just to look presentable, just so that if you see him you’ll maybe, just maybe find him attractive and appealing.)

It’s pathetic, he thinks, and he’s terrified that once you’re stolen away by his side, trapped with him as your sole companionship and provider (an idea that does, of course, make something pleasurable and good roll up his spine), these behaviors will only get worse. If he can’t control himself when he’s still physically distant from you, who knows what he’ll feel at liberty to do once you have nowhere else to run.

He’ll never hurt you, he’s sure of it, but he really, really doubts that you’ll be comfortable with all of the things that his subconscious wants to do to you. He’s sure you don’t particularly want to be encaged in his arms while he squeezes and squeezes and squeezes, trying to get you as close as physically possible because he’s still irritated that he can’t live inside of your skin.

(But what if he crushes you, or somehow breaks your bones with the strength of his affection? It’s enough to get him biting his lip, staring down at his open palms and scowling, frustrated at himself because he knows the euphoria of touching you will make him stupid.)

He’s sure you don’t want him to hand-feed you, bringing the chopsticks up to your mouth, watching your pretty, soft lips open up and letting him place the home-cooked food against your tongue.

(And seeing you looking at him with your mouth open, taking something that he’s made and given to you against your tongue will have him flushing, swallowing heavily and having to look away because fuck he’s such a pervert and he’s ruining a sweet moment by growing unbearably hard in his trousers, and oh god – what if there’s a wet spot when he stands up? Will you notice? Fuck fuck fuck!)

It’s a recipe for disaster, not to mention the fact that your fear and hesitance would likely force you to become a shell of your former self. You’d be reduced to nothing but a skeleton of your personality, and that’s the absolute last thing Sanemi wants. He wants you – authentically, fully, as you are when you’re free and independent. And stealing you away would change that, he’s sure – and he’d never forgive himself for diminishing even a flicker of your light.

But of course, misfortune seems to follow Sanemi like some sort of sick joke – it’s only a matter of time before something terrible happens.

It’s a demon attack, likely. Perhaps some demon has noticed that a Hashira seems to hold a penchant for a particular human, and with his marechi blood they’re very, very eager to lure him out and feast on him. And in the process, you get caught in the crossfire – it’s rare that Sanemi leaves you completely and truly alone, but when he’s been summoned for a mission, he can’t exactly decline.

And so, he rushes through the job, quickly finding the demon and slaughtering it in the quickest, fastest way possible before immediately returning back to you, falling into the shadows so that he can continue to keep an eye on you, letting out a rather harsh breath when he finally spots you again, in tact and unharmed.

Except one night, as he sprints through the dark forest, he sees the very faint outline of your home and immediately his eyes go wide.

Your front door is wide open.

He generally thinks you’re rather careless about your safety, sure, but even you aren’t that bad – something is wrong. He pushes himself to run faster, harder, his breaths sounding more like wheezing as he descend on your house, immediately rushing inside and drawing his sword. The adrenaline coursing through his veins only makes him falter for a moment upon seeing his absolute worst nightmare – you’re on the ground, eyes slowly blinking and your body crumpled up, most of your visible skin covered with blood.

His nostrils flare, the sight of the demon crouching over you making his grip on the sword hilt so tight his knuckles turn white, something akin to a genuine growl coming from him.

Get the hell away from her!

He’s yelling and charging, immediately activating his breathing technique and beheading the creature before it can even react. His chest is still heaving, and despite the black mist that begins to appear on the creature’s neck, he’s immediately settling down, straddling the creature and throwing punch after punch. It’s bloody – it’s spraying all over his uniform, staining the white as his fists dig into flesh, denting and tearing and destroying, all the while Sanemi is yelling at it, cursing and calling it a vile, disgusting creature, claiming it’s trying to hurt and kill his woman.

It’s terrifying, really, and as you slowly lose consciousness you’ll find yourself feeling even more terrified, unsure of what’s happening.

And as the demon disappears, Sanemi slowly calms down, gathering his senses and immediately grabbing you, carrying you to the Butterfly Mansion as quickly as his legs can carry him. He doesn’t want to bring you home (or at least, he knows he shouldn’t), but once Shinobu has you patched up and he returns to your now blood-stained abode, Sanemi’s biting his lip, wavering.

He can’t let you come back here – not with the knowledge that you could be attacked again, not when you’re out of his sight and protection, not when you’re so very vulnerable. And so, he begrudgingly brings you back to his estate, settling you into the bedroom as far away from his own as possible.

(He’d refrained from keeping you in the room he’s spent the last few months pretending was your own, too – outfitted with all of the items he’s bought for you but been too afraid to give to you: all sorts of hairpins, beautiful weavings, flowers, even small, curtly written notes he’d been crazed enough to write in the dead of night when he just could not stop thinking of you. No, that’d be too much – he doesn’t want to overwhelm you, so he locks that room up, praying that you never, ever find out about it.)

When you awake, you’ll find yourself changed into fresh, clean clothing (soft clothing, too, the kind that you could never afford), tucked into a bed in a room you don’t recognize. The futon is soft, the sheets warm and decorated with a pattern and color that you distinctly note is a favorite of yours. Your entire body hurts, wincing as you sit up.

It’s only then that the door slides open, a tuft of white hair greeting you as Sanemi clears his throat, wide eyes glancing at every visible part of your body. He’s rather curt when he explains where you are, glossing over the why and instead cryptically reiterating that you’re safe now, so drop it.

As a captor, Sanemi is surprisingly attentive – you’d known each other before your  kidnapping, of course, though he’d always seemed like a rather hot-headed, difficult man.

And those mannerisms certainly don’t change when he’s got you trapped with him – except now you can see that there’s something deeper under the surface, something vulnerable and raw and real. You’ll see it in the way that he touches you like you’re made of glass – shying away and retracting his hands just moments before they touch your skin, acting almost as if the idea of touching you repulses him.

(God, nothing could be less true – he so desperately wishes to brush his fingertips against the smooth skin of your thighs, to cup your cheeks in his palms, to press his lips against yours – softly, slowly, as if he can’t quite believe that you’re real.)

You’ll see it in the way that he has every meal cooked and prepared for you, the Wind Estate quiet and empty except for the two of you. It’s always your favorite foods, cooked with every idiosyncrasy and taste of yours in mind, with a level and degree of accuracy that will terrify you at first.

And frankly, you will be terrified at first – he’s reluctant to admit his feelings to you, sure that if you were to know the truth of the situation you’d immediately reject him, and as stupid as it is Sanemi doesn’t think he could handle your rejection. It would break him, emotionally, physically, and mentally, leaving him a shell of a man and still just as desperately, pathetically in love with you if not more so.

But the reason you’ll be terrified isn’t because of his demeanor or the way you think he feels – rather, it will become obvious very quickly that Sanemi knows much more about you than you thought. You know you’ve never told him your preferred menstrual supplies, and yet the bathroom he’s assigned to you is stocked full of the exact model and heaviness you prefer.

(It’s your own bathroom, thankfully, though when you’re asleep sometimes Sanemi will sneak in, picking up your toothbrush and letting it sit against his lips, suckling at the bristles and rifling through your trash just to find a pad or two when he knows you’re menstruating. He’d rather slice off his own hand than admit it to you, of course, but just being in a space that you regularly use makes him feel special, connected to you in a way that makes his knees weak and the smallest, faintest of smiles cross his lips.)

You’re sure you’ve never mentioned what clothing size you wear, and yet there’s a slew of brand new, beautifully made kimonos and lounging wear perfectly tailored to your body, all in a range of colors and designs that are your favorites.

(There’s also a few in a lime green material and a single, pure white one, both of which were guilty pleasures that Sanemi felt compelled to include in his orders from the local seamstresses. And if you were to wear one, willingly, during a shared meal with him? Well, don’t comment on the pink color of his cheeks, nor the way he ever so slightly stutters when he tells you that you look nice.)

Frankly, he’s a pretty good captor to have – he gives you space, and forces himself to stay away from you for most of the day in an effort to not overwhelm you. At least, at the beginning. He tells himself it’s enough to know that you’re locked up in the Wind Estate, safe and sound and perfectly removed from the danger of the outside world, but his paranoia and yearning for your company eventually drive him to spend just a hair more time with you.

Instead of giving you privacy during meals, he’ll instead knock at your door, entering with his own plate and sitting down as far away from you as possible within the room, silently eating and trying not to make his staring too obvious.

(He mentally justifies it as making sure that you don’t choke on your food, but really it’s more about seeing you enjoy what he’s made for you and knowing that you’ve eaten today. Good. He'll sharply inhale, biting back a smile as he slowly eats his own food, trying to prolong the moment.)

He spoils you with all sorts of gifts and supplies for any hobbies you may have, and while he initially doesn’t interact with you as you knit or draw or read, eventually he’ll gather the courage to ask you a question, trying (and failing) to sound nonchalant as he asks what it is that you’re drawing, how to knit, or what your favorite book is.

It’s a slow but steady process, and as time passes and you grow more and more complacent with your situation, you’ll find yourself coming to enjoy the rough, oddly charming presence of Sanemi. Even if his stalking and feelings for you become an unspoken truth, his fondness for you difficult to ignore (with the way he treats you so gently, spoils you, and very poorly hides the way his cock springs to life each time you say his name).

And so really, Sanemi feels guilty enough for being in love with you, and even more guilty for forcing you into a life of complacency – the least you could do is compliment him, right? You could at least invite him to join you for meals and walks around the modest garden of his estate. You could at least intertwine your fingers with his and pretend to not notice the way he gasps, mumbling something incoherent that sounds vaguely like your name.

Really, it’s the least you could do – and with every action, Sanemi only falls for you harder, deeper, his resolve to keep you safe, happy and his only growing.

PUNISHMENTS:

While his obsession with you alters certain parts of his personality, some characteristics remain absolutely true regardless of his feelings for you. And unfortunately, one of them is his quick-trigger temper.

You calm him, the mere sound of your voice making the tension in his muscle relax, the clenching of his jaw lessening slightly, the tensing of his shoulders becoming less pronounced. The feeling of your hand pressing against his chest makes him freeze in place, the anger simmering in his gut becoming more diluted, the rage slowly leaving him because god, you’re standing right in front of him and he can see every fine detail of your face and he can smell you and god…

You have a physical effect on him that calms him ever so slightly, but he still finds himself remarkably susceptible to rage, even with you in his vicinity.

Of course, rarely ever is he actually mad at you – early into his infatuation he’d found himself constantly irritated and enraged at you, convinced that you’d somehow purposefully made him into the lovesick fool that he is, unable and unwilling to admit to himself that it’s entirely his own doing leading to his spiral into dependence on you. He’d even tried to hate you, consciously filling his head with lies and telling himself that you were weak, a burden, only something that would slow him down. And yet, the anger was never quite real, never quite honest.

(Never directed at you, really, but more directed at himself for being so weak as to form such strong, dependent feelings on you.)

And so, Sanemi’s anger more often than not revolves around someone else – often, someone around you. Men that get too close, friends that meddle when they notice that you have Sanemi as an unwanted admirer, your boss when they treat you poorly, even strangers that are even the slightest bit rude to you.

He’ll never go far enough as to injure another human to point of death, if only because he’s still guided by morals that yearn to save humans, but Sanemi is absolutely committed to making sure that you’re treated like the royalty that he perceives you as.

(Often, any men that feel bold enough to approach you, or god forbid touch you meet a bloody, painful altercation with the Hashira, unable to do anything but be pounded into a pulp as he swings and punches, leaving them a bloody semi-conscious mess on the ground, even spitting onto them as he mutters something about being a fuckin’ monster, assaulting women like it’s nothing…)

But all that said, there are a few very specific things that can get Sanemi angry at you, too. He can forgive you lashing out at him and calling him terrible names, even openly welcoming it sometimes because he knows it’s true.

He’s mostly worried when you attempt to escape rather than angry, terrified that you’ll somehow hurt yourself or be eaten by a demon if you manage to get through the patch of wisteria trees surrounding the perimeter of his estate. Instead, his main triggers are when you injure yourself, or when you say something negative or degrading about yourself.

 He’s so paranoid about your safety and health that the mere idea of you injuring yourself gets him borderline panicking, his breathing getting heavier and his hands starting to tremble as panic engulfs him because he absolutely cannot lose you, too.

He’s always quick to reprimand you, yelling at you but dressing your wounds as gently as possible, treating you as if you’re made of glass and cleaning everything perfectly to prevent any further harm. But really, what truly angers Sanemi is when you display a lack of self-respect, though he’ll never explicitly punish you.

He loves you – so much so that it physically hurts, his chest aching when he’s away from you, every muscle growing restless and anxiety settling in his gut because he needs to see you right now. He’s a worshipper in every sense of the word, and to have you disrespecting yourself and talking down to yourself in any capacity is enough to get his blood boiling. It’s two-fold, really, because not only is it an assault on your character, but it’s an assault on his, too. It’s a remark against him for thinking of you so highly, for revering you and kissing the ground you walk on. It bruises his pride and makes him defensive of you, even if it’s you yourself making the remark.

And so, Sanemi tends to grow angry, unable to comprehend how you can possibly see yourself as something less-than when he’s so utterly enraptured with every fiber of your being.

Being trapped with him means long expanses of time where you’re alone, Sanemi out on a mission or pulled away begrudgingly, and as time passes this will slowly start to affect you.

Too much alone time equates to an awful lot of staring in the mirror, fingers prodding at the skin of your cheeks or arranging your hair this way or that, furrowing your brow and trying to understand exactly what it is about you that makes Sanemi so enthralled. You can’t put your finger on it – you’re just you, and while he’s never come right out and said it, you’re very aware that Sanemi finds you beautiful.

(You’ve overheard him, after all, late at night when he’s muffling his groans and the wet schlock schlock noise is audible even through the wall separating you. It’s difficult to not hear it, after all, when he’s moaning your name as he gets close, stuttered curses and little gasps of s-so beautiful, fuck and all sorts of other praises slipping out of him as his orgasm approaches.)

It’s too much time for you to be alone and overanalyze. And even now that you’ve been with him for well over a year, now that your whole world has become Sanemi Shinazugawa, it’s too easy to let the insecurities get the best of you.

And really, you shouldn’t have ever mentioned it – later that night, when Sanemi returns home from his latest mission, he can immediately tell that something is wrong. He closes and locks the multitude of locks on the front door, glancing at you with skepticism and worry, before placing his hands on your hips and pulling you close, leaving a single long kiss against your forehead as he asks you what’s wrong. Your small mumble of nothing doesn’t convince him, but Sanemi just pushes it aside, deciding to revisit the subject after you’ve both eaten.

 Dinner is quiet, and it’s halfway through that he decides enough is enough.

What the hell’s the matter with you? He’s asking, setting down his chopsticks and staring pointedly at you.

You’re not too terribly afraid of your captor by this point, but the intensity of his stare still makes you fold in on yourself slightly, embarrassment and self-consciousness eating away at you. Sanemi continues the staring, unwilling to back down, eventually scoffing and telling you to just spit it out, I’ll wait as long as it takes.

And that you believe, enough to get you blurting out a quick I’m not good enough for you to be so in love with.

It’s slurred and difficult to understand even to your own ears, but it gets Sanemi’s face twisting up, a mixture of shock and confusion making his brows knit together and that familiar scowl sit on his lips.

What the fuck? It’s all he can ask, really, because this is so out of left field and unexpected that he genuinely has no clue how to respond.

At his pointed confusion and silence, you play with your thumbs, hunger totally gone as the words start falling out of you like some sort of nervous word vomit. It’s just that I don’t really get why you’re so – so fixated on me. I’m nothing special, and before you get angry at me just know that it’s okay and I’m not trying to get away I just –

Sanemi cuts you off by rising to his feet before you can even blink, a hand snapping out to wrap around your wrist. Before you know it you’re being dragged down a series of long hallways until you come face to face with a door you’ve never set foot passed – Sanemi’s personal, private room.

Normally, when the two of you share a bed (something that has only recently begun happening, after Sanemi gathered the courage and you’ve become so touch-starved that you welcomed his presence), you sleep in the room he's had made up for you, Sanemi allowing you to stay in the quasi-comfort of your ‘own’ room rather than force you into yet another unfamiliar situation.

 But you hardly have any time to gawk at the room before he’s shoving you in front of his modest mirror, the reflection of yourself making you blink twice. He's angry – you can see his face in the mirror now, and his cheeks area  bright red and a few veins are standing out against his neck, a sure sign that he’s livid and is only barely able to hold himself back from acting on it.

 It makes you shrink slightly, though you’re confident at this point that he won’t hurt you, at least not purposefully.

Look at yourself, he tells you, voice strained. He’s standing behind you, gripping onto your shoulders and forcing you to face yourself in the mirror.

You do as you’re told, but it doesn’t seem to satisfy Sanemi.

He groans, resting his forehead against the slope of your shoulder. Look at yourself.

A pause, then: Please.

Swallowing, you search each and every feature of your familiar face. Your eyes, nose, lips, cheeks, eyebrows, jaw, anything and everything you can think of. After a few moments, Sanemi looks at you in the mirror again, his eyebrows furrowed tightly.

Do you really not see it? He asks, and you merely shake your head.

He bares his teeth. Dammit, how can you not? How can you be so fucking blind?

It’s harsh, his words making you wince slightly, but they’re loaded with something unlike his usual rage – there’s something sweeter to it, something that feels different and gets you meeting his gaze in the mirror. The look on his face is almost pleading, and you’re struck with the realization that he’s not angry, he’s frustrated. Genuinely frustrated that you don’t seem to understand just what he sees in you.

Slowly, you bring your fingers up to your cheeks, fingertips pressing against the soft skin. Sanemi watches you with bated breath, his grip on you still tight.

Compliment yourself, he instructs, the words sounding strained. You blink at him, swallowing heavily.

You mutter out a small comment of how your eyes aren’t too terrible, and Sanemi groans at that. His hand moves from your shoulder to your chin, pinching at it and bringing you closer to the mirror. Give yourself a real compliment, or I’ll stand here all fucking day until you do.

You tell him that you have pretty eyes, and it seems to please him. He nods, almost subconsciously, keeping his grip on your chin. Damn right you do. Pretty eyes and a pretty smile. Tell me more.

He keeps you in this position for nearly an hour, forcing you to list off each and every possible compliment about your looks and personality that you can think, his gaze never wavering in intensity or sincerity as he grunts and nods at each and every one.

It’s only as your jaw starts to ache and you start to grow restless that Sanemi eventually lets go, turning you gently to face him. A finger lightly traces over the shape of your lips as he exhales, the softness of his actions and the moment making you feel light.

Don’t undersell yourself. His voice is firm, his lips set in a thin line. You’re perfect, and you need to accept that.

He covers your mouth with his hand as you part your lips to respond, shaking his head. No, none of that shit. We’re doing this every day until you decide that you’re good enough for me – until you prove to me that you respect yourself the way you should. New compliments every day, and I don’t care how hard it is for you. When you run out, I’ll step in, but you’re elaborating on everything I say. Got it?

You nod, a strange sort of tenderness welling up inside of you that only makes tears prick at the corner of your eyes because oh god, how wrong is this? Your captor, the man who stole you away and keeps you trapped inside his him, is complimenting you and it’s making you feel more loved and wanted and appreciated than you’ve felt in your whole life. There’s just something so sincere about his push for you to understand just how wonderful he thinks you are that makes your lower lip wobble, the way he’s actually genuinely enraged by your insecurities and the absurdness of them making your nose tingle.

It's sweet, something your captor really shouldn’t be, and as tears slip down your cheeks Sanemi awkwardly presses you against his chest, silent as his grip grows progressively tighter. He’s no stranger to insecurity, and as he drags you to the mirror the next day and the next after that, you’ll slowly find yourself believing him when he says that you’re kind, that you’re beautiful, that he wants you more than he’s ever wanted anything else in his life.

It's strange and you may hate yourself for it, but as the days pass you’ll find yourself growing more and more fond of Sanemi, his commitment to improving your self-esteem feeling like the more intimate thing anyone has every done for you, and slowly you’ll find yourself seeing him in more and more of a romantic light. Sure, he’s stolen you away and stalked you extensively, but when he holds you like he’s afraid you’ll disappear and calls you beautiful in a voice so raw that it cracks, how can you not fall for him? Maybe you’re sick in the head, depraved, any number of terrible things, but with each compliment he forces from your lips, you’ll find yourself caring less.

He just really, really loves you, doesn’t he?

OVERALL DANGER:

4/10

By and large, Sanemi is akin to a large, possessive guard dog. The mere thought of hurting you makes him sick to his stomach, and he’ll go to any possible length to ensure your health and safety.

(He’s had literal nightmares about leaving you bloody and bruised, and he’s actually woken up and immediately hurled, breathing hard and nearly in tears because it felt so real and it’s almost like your blood is actually on his hands.)

He’s paranoid, terrified that you’ll somehow be killed and stolen away from him, your presence the only thing that seems to calm him, growing to become the only thing that motivates him to wake up every morning.

He’s overprotective, letting his fear for your safety bleed into every aspect of his relationship with you – he’s following you around like a lovesick puppy, constantly vigilant for threats to your safety. He’s obsessively tracking your meals, fussing over making sure that you’re getting balanced, nutritious foods, constantly asking you if you’ve drunk water on any particular day.

And he’s possessive – refusing to allow you to interact with most men, skeptical of your friends, entirely untrusting of each and every person in your life. He won’t try to manipulate you into isolating yourself, but Sanemi really, really wants to, only holding back for the sake of your mental wellbeing. And really, that’s a large factor in Sanemi’s behavior towards you – he loves you, or at least in his own deranged, too-intense way, and he’s willing to kill himself physically and emotionally just to make sure that you never frown, that you’re never sad or angry or afraid.

His first priority is you, always, and it’s only after that that he considers getting you to love him back. It’s of course the goal – he wants you so badly that you have no fucking clue, because how could you? How could you possibly understand just how deeply his dependence on you has become, just how intertwined a mere scrap of your attention becomes for his self-confidence, his happiness, his sanity in his day-to-day life?

He’s well and truly whipped for you, his every waking thought revolving around you, but you’ll that your life will be relatively good with him. He’ll treat you like a queen, spoiling you and doing everything in his power to keep you happy, and can you really hate it as much as you claim to?

Can you really, honestly say that Sanemi is a monster when he keeps you well cared for and respects you despite the way you know he wants to ravage you and keep you all for himself?

Can you honestly say that you don’t want him just as badly, that you’ve become so accustomed to him that you’re well and truly his?

Sanemi sure hopes not, and as time passes, you’ll slowly give into the small, desperately and pathetically hopeful looks of his, reaching out to touch him when he’s too hesitant to initiate, even whispering those lovely, sacred three little words. And once you do, he’ll only work harder to adore you, only falling deeper and deeper into obsession with every passing day.

With every passing second, really.

[rey-jake-therapist]

Please don't take offense for this post, but it needs to go out somehow....

I don't want Haladriel to be Reylo, I don't want them to be Ellen x Orlok, or Darklina, or Hannigram even, or whatever these guys are named in the last LOTR related movie....

I think Haladriel are their own special thing and I'd like them to stay that way, you know?

No hate on anyone who advocates for them to be more like X & Y because you like this ship, but personally I think that even if there are similarities, Haladriel is very different from, well, all these ships, and that what works for them wouldn't necessarily work for Haladriel because the context and the characters are wildly different.

*Breathe*

There, I said it. Again, I hope I don't offend anyone. It's just my personal opinion on this particular subject and not a judgement on others.🙏🏼

[thydungeongal]

I feel like maybe I'm out of the loop on this, and you are one of the most well-versed people I've ever seen when it comes to ttrpgs, so I'm hoping you might be able to enlighten me on this. I've played a good few games in my time, but I've been running into people who seem to have an almost feral hate for any "Powered By the Apocalypse" game. Now I can't say for certain all of them I've played (at least 3), but is there something about the system that just enrages people?

I know that some people dislike PbtA games for reasons that boil down to matters of taste. One of my good friends, the lead writer of @anim-ttrpgs does dislike PbtA games, and in his case it boils down to a number of reasons: he feels the structure of these games is often a bit too restrictive and ends up with characters who are defined largely by their narrative tropes; and another reason he tends to dislike them is that the popularity of the framework has led to a lot of lazy PbtA games that don't really do anything interesting with the framework and are kind of just lazy and bad. That's a surface level read of his points and he's actually written a long post about it, but especially on that latter point I do agree with him: it's nowhere near as bad as the proliferation of lazy D&D 5e hacks, but on the indie RPG side there are a lot of cases where someone feels that a PbtA hack would be perfect for their first TTRPG. The thing is, it's very easy to make a PbtA game, but it's extremely hard to make a good PbtA game. Some of the best games I've seen using the framework are actually quite involved and have lots of interlocking parts, but a lot of the ones I've seen are simply kind of. Meh.

But there's another strain of PbtA haters out there that I know of and this group of people is best characterized as "people with a grudge against certain types of games doing the worst faith reading of those games to find 'flaws' in them." I think the most visceral hatred of PbtA games I've seen was on The Gaming Den, where a bunch of dudes convinced themselves that PbtA games are bad because on a roll of 6- a GM could just make bears happen out of nowhere. So, you know, it was a bunch of guys who did a surface level read of Apocalypse World but never read the MC principles, because if they had they would have realized that "Make a move that follows" is one of the MC principles.

All of which is to say, it's more or less the same that's going on with pretty much any RPG: some people will read a game and give it a shot and decide it's not for them, and often come away with a way to articulate why they disliked it. Other people will go in wanting to find a reason to dislike a thing and do the worst faith reading possible. And a lot of people will simply never read a game and simply accept that the previous group's reading of it is true.

So none of this is to say that none of the people who you've encountered have actually read a PbtA game and played it and actually formulated their opinions through experience. But knowing what nerds can be like it's probably at least some of them.

[omegastation]

I've seen a comment that has been on my mind a lot lately, that the fandom was dead and that there was some gatekeeping. And to be honest, I have no idea if it's true or not and I want to reflect on it.

I've been away for two years, and for sure Tumblr is different. It's not about people, because they are always lovely fans no matter what. I also don't think I have nostalgia goggles telling me "things were better back then" lol I think it's just that Tumblr, for all its flaws, used to have more public fandom discussions. For better or worse, because posting a reply could encourage discussions that were better left alone - but now it seems like nothing is really public or fandom-wide. It's no longer the norm. Replies are left in the post itself so you have less reblogs with discussions. It's very self contained, which, in my humble opinion, might lose a bit of a sense of community.

The main tag itself used to be filled, and now it's not, clearly because a lot of people aren't active anymore. But it's not just that? I find that I discover more posts using the search function, so I'm always a bit confused about how people tag or intend their posts to be found. Maybe it's just me, but it's unclear to me. And I'm at fault too, I've been very intent on not tagging the main tag for a while, and I don't know why. It's not like I'm hiding, but it felt like my playthrough ramblings didn't belong there. Which is ridiculous, because I wouldn't feel that way about posts like this made by other people. I would want to find those in the tag.

I have a feeling a lot more discussions are now happening on Discord, which is not for me. I don't have the mental capacity for now to check a server every day, see new messages and reply. I tried and it's too much. I would feel the same about fandom boards, though they're less instant, so who knows.

Then you have other apps, which don't always encourage discussions. I've been trying to find vids on TikTok, some are great, but the algorithm fed me a lot of ranking companions type of vids with character bashing so I just paused the whole thing.

Then the gatekeeping, I don't know. I think I learned a lot and matured a bit, so I hope my own behavior in fandom is better and more chill than it used to be. But if I am gatekeeping one way or another, you have to tell me. I mean it. Just flat out tell me and explain, because I would never try to be like this on purpose, and I would need to know what I'm doing wrong to do better.

Lately there have been some DA fans who are experiencing ME for the first time and I'm happy for them. There's a lot of joy in discovering this universe, and I would hate for anyone, me included, to take that away from them.

I'm happy when I get to fill the queue, when people are involved, when there are discussions, when we have fun. That's what I want for Appreciation Weeks, even if I know it will be smaller than other years. It's in a few days and I would hate for anyone not to participate because they worry about how they will be received. If there are ways I can make it more welcoming, tell me!

[seluneclerics]

hard agree! heavy on properly tagging. enough sugarcoating shit, a lot of people aren’t giving proper tags and disclaimers for the insanely graphic content that they are posting. tag for r*pe and assault, because that’s what it is! write whatever you want i’ve given up on that debate because i block even the vaguest hinting towards it now, but god no one tags shit.

“curate your space” “don’t like don’t read” holds absolutely no water when you think about the fact that the internet is a public space for longer than 0.2 seconds. when you put something out there online, especially something deeply graphic or controversial you open yourself up to an audience who may or may not be receptive to that.

that is what comes with content creation and what i don’t understand is this idea that suddenly everyone is a puritan for (checks notes) thinking it’s weird for unnecessary portrayals of incredibly sensitive topics like SA, CSA, Incest, etc. especially when many ppl (full offense) just use these topics as goon bait without actual analysis or story telling. it’s *insert graphic scene/topic for shock value* and that’s it.

whether or not you want criticism is irrelevant when you’re in a fandom space or communal space in general. ppl will have opinions till we’re all in the ground, and the desire to exist in an echo chamber of ppl who enjoy the same things you do is fine and dandy but i ask why do many ppl of these ppl who write/create these things seek out ppl who disagree with them to discourse.

i also hate the victims debate, because it’s my belief that even if said media is created by someone who is a victim, your enjoyment of said content is not more important than the other victims who are harmed by the rampant inability to properly add disclaimers or warnings. these two things don’t cancel each other out because someone is a victim. we aren’t a fucking monolith. ppl are allowed to still think you’re weird

this turned into a yap but to end it, i think the odd shifting blame to “purity culture” and “sanitizing fiction” is just a bullshit reactionary response to ppl that disagree. i’m a person that deeply enjoys psychological horror & body horror as concepts, i like villains and being able to do analysis on unusual relationships. however a lot of you encroach on heavy topics without a shred of the care or the delicacy that these things deserve.

genuinely the purse clutches are 100% warranted. just reminds me of the urbanspook shit. tactless and poorly executed. gore and SA/CSA just for the sake of it.

some of y'all have normalised some of the most f'ed up stuff by turning it into cutesy tags like "dubcon uwu just scroll instead of leaving hate" "non con ahead, if you don't like, don't read 🎀"

like girl type it out FULLY - DUBIOUS CONSENT? NON CONSENSUAL SEX? ASSAULT AND R*PE? AND LET IT SINK IN THAT YOUR IDOLISING 👏, FETISHISING 👏 AND AND INVALIDATING 👏 THE MOST HORRIBLE EXPERIENCES OF SO MANY WOMEN (AND MEN)!!!

i can't even say shit like "mm u ain't a girls girl" and be done with u like at this point it's giving felony. It's giving jail time. Do NOT pass GO. Do NOT Collect 200 dollars. STRAIGHT TO JAIL FOR YO ASSES-

[simplysebby]

I got an ask saying "If narcissism isn't the 'bad person' disorder you're saying it isn't, then what is it?" and while I won't post the actual ask because they were rude and had a lot of underlying bigotry in their message, I did want to make a post.

What NPD looks like (for me, Tumblr user SimplySebby. I don't speak for all pwNPD).

1). I hate admitting when I do something wrong. I feel like I always need to be right. If someone confronts me for doing something wrong, my gut reaction is "No I didn't, you just don't understand." I'll sit alone and work my way through my thoughts until I find a way to rationalize my behavior as "good." I feel the need to be a beacon of moral purity. I must always have the "correct" opinions.

2). I hate myself. I see myself as a "bad person" even though logically I know that no such things exists. Nothing I do is ever good enough, no grade high enough, no achievement grand enough. I need to do better even when better isn't possible. And when I "fail," I fall apart and feel suicidal and depressed, like I'm worthless. Oftentimes I turn to self harm.

3). Similar to #1, but I have trouble apologizing. Saying the words "I'm sorry" can feel like "losing" or giving up at times. I always feel the need to "win" an argument even when I know I'm wrong.

4). I feel like I'm better than other people at times, but also worse. At the same time. It makes no sense but it still feels that way. Like on a scale of "amazing, beautiful, flawless person" to "worthless scum not worth the dirt on my shoes" I am on every point of that scale all at once.

5). I'm quick tempered. If I'm stressed or working through a problem and someone tries to offer advice or talks to me, I blow up at them and treat them like they're in the way. Oftentimes after doing this I feel guilty because I recognize I'm in the wrong, but I still have trouble apologizing because once I apologize I feel like the worst person ever. I did something I regret, which means I am not perfect, which means I am a horrible person who is incapable of redemption and I'm better off dead. It doesn't matter how small the issue is, either. Got told off for cussing in a place I shouldn't have cursed? Spiral to the point I end up sitting in my room alone sobbing and hurting myself. 100x worse when an "authority" figure is the one telling me off.

6). If someone doesn't like me, I panic and feel like shit. Sometimes I'll try and rationalize why they suck and they're wrong. It doesn't matter how small the dislike is. If somebody I don't know or don't have an opinion on or somebody I like so much as criticizes me, I fall apart. Sometimes I hate them for no other reason than they mildly dislike me.

7). I know all these thoughts aren't rational and don't make sense, that I'm being "over dramatic" and "blowing things out of proportion." I hate that I do these things and experience emotions like I do, but its not something I can control completely. I can try and wrangle it in using coping mechanisms like going to my room to calm down or counting, but it never fully disappears.

8). I have trouble empathizing with people. I have some empathy, but only in certain situations and its very selective. When someone I care about is upset, I want to make them less upset but I have trouble doing that. Sometimes people will vent to me and my gut response will be "I don't care. Please talk about something else."

9). If I don't like someone, I make it known. I won't put on the pretense of liking them. I've had people ask me to my face if I considered them a friend and have said "No, I don't like you" instead of phrasing it politely. I don't feel bad about this.

10). I'm very competitive. I hate losing and when I do lose my gut reaction is to find an excuse. Die in a game? Lag. Get hit in a game of dodgeball during PE? It didn't actually hit me, you just saw wrong. If I can't find an excuse, sometimes I just turn to cussing them out.

11). I'm argumentative. I'll scour comment sections looking for people saying bigoted stuff so I can tell them they're a bigot or tell them to stub their toe or tell them they suck or try and educate them or whatever the fuck else. It makes me feel better as a person. When I know/think I'm in the right and express my opinions, it makes me feel less like a horrible person. I always take things too far. Mild disagreement? I turn it into a full-blown argument. Fandom drama? I make a rant post about how these other people are wrong.

12). Some days, I don't feel real. I feel like I'm outside my own body, as if I was a reader reading a 3rd person book. I feel like my actions aren't my own. As if I'm a puppet getting paraded around by an unknown force. Like my body is outside my control.

13). When I'm upset or in a bad mood, I get violent thoughts. If I'm stressed or overstimulated (from my AuDHD or otherwise) and someone bumps into me, I spend the next three hours imagining myself strangling them or slamming their head into the wall.

14). I overshare and I like talking about myself. Teeheehee!! That's what I'm doing now!!

15). I lie. A lot. If I see a post and go, "it'd be funny if somebody replied with XYZ" I sometimes post that reply even if it isn't true. If somebody doesn't like me, I might make something up to make them like me more. If I'm arguing with someone and trying to make a point, I might bend the truth around to make my argument more convincing. 99% of my lies are little and don't really matter. Sometimes I start believing my own lies. A lot of times I don't realize I'm doing this until after the fact.

16). I'm scared! All the time! What if that person doesn't like me? What if that person saw me trip and now thinks I'm being "weird" for attention? What if people sees me make posts like this and posts me to r/FDC? What if I'm wrong about something and people think I'm doing things in bad faith? What if what if what if? Its exhausting. I'm tired.

I'm sorry I'm like this. I don't want to be like this. I want to change. I don't mean to hurt people. I promise I hate myself more than you hate me. Please cut me some slack when I display symptoms of the disorder I have publicly stated I have time and time again.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

This is a non-exhaustive list. This took me ages to write and I'm gonna go do something else now - though if I think of something else I might come add more.

I'll end this with what I am not: I am not lying, manipulating, and deceiving everyone I meet at every moment of the day. I am not doing the things I listed in this post every available moment (I do not lie every chance I have to lie, I do not escalate every single argument to full blown screaming matches, etc). I am not a monster in human skin. I am not trying to hurt people. I am not "unaware of the effects I have on others." I am not "out to get" anyone. I am not "just an asshole." I am not a lost cause not worth helping, I'm just a guy who's dad is really shitty and who's brain went and had a maladaptive response.

That is all.

[eww-y-tho]

I updated my 'Everything I Have Ever Shipped' post on my profile (the pinned one) to include the story of the sneaky way that my sister trolled me while binging Arcane because it's a really funny story and not a lot of people have read my post and I think it deserves to be put to light becuz wtf.

So first of all, when my sister pitched the idea of binging Arcane in the car while visiting her, I was hesitant at first because LoL is actually cancer, but she convinced me (for her it was going to be a rewatch). I had a peripheral understanding and knowledge of the show. Like I knew Jinx, I knew that there was a lesbian sex scene, and I knew about jayvik, but nothing in detail.

In the car, she goes into specific detail about how she did not like Jayce. Because "all the problems come from him," apparently. I was fishy on Jayce based on her opinions of the character and really tried to see her perspective.

And I will be honest, I did not like him s1 ep4-9, and I really took Jayce and Mel's character arcs at face value. He was a good man with good intentions, but the "Jezebel" character in Mel would take him away from his goal, and he would become a narcissistic prick. But I also didn't hate him. He was a good character and none of his actions seemed too dickish (except the "you didn’t say they were from the undercity" line.)

I was pleasantly surprised by season 2, however, and I started to see what she was talking about was misguided at the same time.

The thing is, I never felt upset at Jayce for s2 act 1 & 2 and trusted that he had a good reason, and he became much more sympathetic in my eyes after ep7. AND THEN I started becoming a jayvik truther in ep8 because of the Mel to Viktor transition in the cave (like wtf), and the homoerotic fight scene, and I did a little soul search deep dive into jayvik.

I completely flipped my opinions on Jayce and she was deeply upset and it was hilarious because at the end of ep7 I said "I still don't get why you hate Jayce" and she like actually sighed and was disappointed.

I remember a specific moment where she went: "EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO VIKTOR IS JAYCE'S FAULT, VIKTOR TOLD HIM TO DESTROY THE HEXCORE, BUT DID HE LISTEN? NO! IF HE ACTUALLY LISTENED TO VIKTOR FOR ONCE, NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED!" And then I was like, "THAT'S NOT HOW A STORY WORKS, THO! HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT WOULD HAPPEN? HE JUST WANTED TO SAVE HIS PARTNER'S LIFE!"

I would also like to point out that I was wondering who the mage guy was that saved Jayce the entire series. It was in the back of my mind for the entire time, and I was really confused about him because I didn't see a character that could really qualify for his power set.

So while I was watching ep7 crying my eyes out becuz of timebomb, memeing with 'MEANWHILE...' spongebob references every time they cut to Jayce, having my mind go a million miles an hour with theorizing and like having a breakdown, I was just in a mentally strange place.

So when the mage showed up in the "I won't fail" scene... I saw the slow zoom in, the power set involved with the hexcore blob, and all the little tiny hints, and I screamed out loud, "IS THAT VIKTOR!?!"

... And she looks me dead in the eye and says "no" in the most monotone voice I have ever heard from her.

And I believed her so much at that point that I didn't even question it. So then episode 9 comes along, and Viktor is revealed to be the plot twist. I was so pissed because I was right the entire time, and SHE made me believe that I didn't understand the story. She fucking CACKLED.

I love her, but that was a betrayal, man.

Once Jayce said, "All I want is my partner back," I was a complete jayvik shipper, and recently, she's changed her tune to Jayce after I completely bombarded her with pro-Jayce propaganda, so that's better, at least, lol.

[maxdibert]

There’s a TikToker who generally makes good Harry Potter content. Unfortunately, she’s a dedicated Snape hater and posts anti-Snape videos every few days, often spreading complete nonsense. That’s why I blocked her. But today, I came across a video by a major streaming platform, and it turns out she’s collaborating with them, making Harry Potter videos for their official German account. Naturally, she also uses this opportunity to hate on Snape, reaching an even larger audience in the process. Unfortunately, Snape hate is increasingly being seen as the default opinion. The Snape fandom often gets overshadowed on social media, and we urgently need more Pro-Snape creators who also have the chance to land such collaborations. However, I’m sure that many people who would like to make Pro-Snape content are discouraged by the sheer amount of hate they’d face.

I don’t watch anything from any fandom on TikTok because from any fandom I’ve been in, the stuff that comes up on TikTok is pure crap. I don’t know why the damn algorithm always shows me the most idiotic people on the internet saying absolute nonsense, but it was something that would happen every time I searched for something about a fandom or ship I liked, and in the end, I just decided to prioritize my mental health and not look at anything.

Honestly, I think in recent years there’s been a wave of people who’ve been distorting a lot of the things Severus canonically does in the books and demonizing him. When I first got into the HP fandom, Severus was obviously a controversial character and had his haters like always happens, but even the most hardcore Snaters I met had decent points to defend their dislike for the character, they didn’t come with fallacies or fanon inventions to argue their opinions. And they weren’t so violent or reduced the character to a one-dimensional guy who was just evil, period. I don’t know if the problem is that people are more influenced by the fandom than by the canon these days, or if the new voices just have the analytical ability of an amoeba, but I’m honestly shocked by some of the things I read daily.

[rosewood-multifandom-writer]

While I agree with this, it’s important to mention that TikTok and YouTube FORCING people to use terms like “r-word,” “grape,” “SA,” “pdf file” and other wording is what contributed to things like people not saying words like “rape,” “sexual assault,” “grooming,” and “sex,” when stating opinions and/or facts.

This is not a jab towards everyone who uses the substitute words, I can see where some of them come from when doing that. Not all of them are doing that coming from a place of immaturity. They are doing it from a place of trying to play it safe on Tumblr, because you’ll never know. People falsely report people over something innocuous or because they hated their opinion on a ship or character, Tumblr has falsely flagged my posts that don’t even break TOS, like a Simpsons meme of Homer bundled up in a blanket like a burrito got flagged as “inappropriate” for some reason. So people just do not want to take those chances.

On YouTube, big names make a living making videos. Despite things like discussing disturbing facts for example or true crime, YouTube is going to demonetize the hell out of those YouTubers. Matthew Santoro for example now has to use substitute words whenever he discusses true crime or disturbing facts otherwise he gets demonetized. Another YouTuber I follow named “It’s Blanko” started out being a TikTok creator and he had to censor himself and he still has to censor himself even when he’s talking about serious subject matter.

So those are people I don’t have a problem with using substitute words but still want to talk about the serious subject matter.

What I DO have a problem with however is not properly using tags related to the subject matter.

For example, “tw rape,” “tw sa mention,” “tw sexual assault mention” are all straight forward, and are able to be stopped through Tumblr or A03 tag filters. What does NOT work is “tw r@p3.” In tags, say it with your whole chest, becuase it makes it hard for people with triggers related to rape and rape mentions. If you are uncomfortable with writing this content or looking at it, don’t interact with it.

Using myself as another example, yesterday I talked about Dante who is a canon rape victim in DMC where his perpetrators were multiple women who pressured him into sex. It’s not the first time I’ve ran into a fictional work with rape elements in it, so I was able to make the post and be straightforward with it. It didn’t make it any less uncomfortable to read about and talk about, but I’ve had to read about abuse statistics, facts, and debunked myths about abuse, and took a mandatory sexual harassment and assault course in college, so I somewhat had the stomach to get through it all. I will say this again, if that makes you very uncomfortable, I have that post properly tagged as “tw sa mention” so you can filter it. Unless I missed a specific tag, someone let me know.

I saw someone falsely accuse people in the JJK fandom who write about Yuji in “x reader” content as “pdf files,” and I’m like, “if you’re going to slander people, say it with your whole chest instead of being a coward and using a disrespectful substitute.” Either you say it or you keep your comment to yourself.

TL:DR, People who are YouTubers or TikTok creators or they just do not want to take their chances with the state of Tumblr right now, they are not the issue. Besides, if Tumblr can flag a reblogged post I made about Homer Simpson being bundled up and Tumblr easily believing in false reports, then what is stopping Tumblr from shadow banning people who use the actual terms? There are people who do use substitute words with the intent to disrespect are the issue.

Plus, we can blame both YouTube and TikTok.

If you cant SAY the words rape, sexual assault, grooming, or sex, youre not mature enough to have an opinion on it.

[helluvapurf]

Welp, after a long... loooooong road of S2 to sift through in HB, here's my official review of the "Sinsmas" finale to wrap things up (*no Christmas pun-intended lol*):

NOTE: My thoughts below will contain some obv spoilers so you miiiight wanna skip this post if you haven't watched "Sinsmas" yet; also like with all my past reviews these are just my personal opinions alone (+fair warning that I'll be getting a bit rant-y later too), so... do remember to keep things civil if you disagree with anything here (and if not, welp... yall are free to block & move on, I guess lol 🤷‍♀️), thank you 🙏🙏

Loona continuing to show more appreciation & excitement around her dad/I.M.P. is great to see, and about time we finally got her joining in on an assassination gig again (which I don't think we've had since S1's "Spring Broken"?). I like her new Hellhound friends shown towards the end too, they look chill~

As much as I've lowkey grown a bit... disinterested in M&M these past few episodes (not to a hate-level or anything but they just don't really... "spark" for me, OTP-wise?), it is nice to see a return to their bloodthirsty-based couple fluff (aka: their lil Sinsmas-based playfight at the beginning), bringing me back a bit to the og pilot days (ex. "Oh Millie" ❤️). -Buuuut dang, who would've thought things would escalate to Millie turning out pregnant?? .o. I know there's been some controversy for Millie's less-than-happy reaction about it towards the end; but honestly I absolutely don't blame the poor gal if you consider: 1) She's a proud fighter & trained assassin who's always been passionate about her current line of work, and (depending on how imp pregnancies work) having this potentially putting her out of a job for a long while would make anyone stressed out imho 2) Imps are considered the lowest-of-the-low ranked species within Hell as it is; with not a whole lot of access to good paying jobs + medical coverage (given Blitz's struggle to get Loona her vaccinations). Imagine you were someone who found yourself expecting a child with a good chunk of Hell not considering you "high-up" enough in the food chain to care... wouldn't you get freaked out too? 3) Lastly, and this being among the biggest points to me personally... did her & Moxxie ever talk about having kids before? Given the implication that they rushed to get married so soon after dating (+Millie not even knowing about Moxx's mafia background til WAY after), I... can't say I'd be surprised if Millie's fear is partially based on how Moxxie would react (for better or worse). Kids are by-far among the biggest dealbreakers for any relationship, so while I don't necessarily think this'll cause something like a split between M&M... yeaaaah I wouldn't be surprised if this still caused some lingering-tension either way, regardless of if they go through with this pregnancy or not 🤷‍♀️ (On a side note; loved seeing Sallie May popping up to give that well-needed support to her sis on the phone, aww 🥺)

The side-story with the "karen" sinner and her ex-drama was... weird, all things considered? .x.;; Like, yeah I can see the importance of how this plays into Blitz's relationship woes & such... but, am I the only one who found it weird the writing going all "moralistic" with Blitz NOT going through with the job, solely cause he imagined his idealized family in Stolas (whom I'll cover in a sec btw-) upon spying on the target + his partner & kids? 🤨 Like... I know I've seen some argue that this is "character development" for Blitz, which I normally wouldn't mind seeing... but mind you, this is the SAME dude who was all-too-fine killing a bratty kid, a wife & her happy (albeit cannibalistic) family, a whole bunch of random college kids on spring break (all for the sake of some parking spot drama with Verosika btw), and not even two shorts ago some horny fangirl got met with the same fate by his hands (mostly due to getting caught up in her own fantasy world... and thats it lol). So I just... have a hard time buying into this being some grand "change of heart" moment for Blitz tbh, cause with this whole episode taking place during the winter holiday season (an already money-draining time irl as-is), I... can't help but find it a lowkey dick move of Blitz to rob his fellow employees of a chance to have some more cash on-hand (esp. after the events of "Ghostf**kers" and him draining the company's finances over his Stolas mope-fest, like come on dude-🤦‍♀️). Heck, if he really-really didn't wanna do it (and this target family seems innocent enough to potentially escape Hell if-killed)... couldn't they have just lied to the lady that they did the deed & take her money anyway (-instead of Blitz immediately punting her out the window 'cause she was bitching about Stolas' writing😑)? Again, this IS Hell we're talking about, so a bit of dirty-dealing doesn't seem far out of the realm of normal there lmao. Buuuut idk, that may just be me... 🤷‍♀️

We're back again with Andre leading the story as the "main" bad guy, and I'll admit his final confrontation with Stolas & the I.M.P. gang was pretty kickass~ From Stolas throwing the first punches at his smug-ass face, the action-increasing with the ice dragons & Loona going "feral"-mode, and even Octavia coming in to defend everyone from her uncle (with her own personal magic) was pretty rad! 🤩👏👏 One thing that's bothering me about it all though... where tf is Stella during all this going on?? 🤨I know the show's pretty much committed atm to making her as one-dimensionally dumb & evil as possible (not even giving her much substantial dialogue after her repeated "hiLARRRIOUS MUAHAAA~" lines 😒 ), but surely someone like her wouldn't miss the chance to see her ex (+affair partner) smacked down by her brother?? Especially once Via arrived, just imagine the juicy drama potential of seeing Stella having to force herself (+Andre) to call off their attack to appease Via (further adding in salt to the wound for her later decision to walk away from Stolas). Hhhhh Viv, why must u be so allergic to developing Stella (antagonism-wise)... 😔😔

Now, as far as Stolas himself is concerned... *-sighs-* I know I'm gonna get some flack for saying this, but I caaaaaan't with his dude anymore🤦‍♀️ Yes, I get he's going through a tough time losing everything + adjusting to a simple life now (along with implied-withdrawal symptoms from the lack of "happy pills"). But just... the way Stolas kept getting MORE & more whiny/unappreciative of Blitz (after all he's done to accommodate Stolas, defend him against other imps, giving him a job at I.M.P. on top of everything-), then never uttering a single "thank you" for Blitz's efforts frustrated tf out of me 😑😑. You expect to buy that these two are these "deep destined soulmates" at the end of the day, to the point of Blitz practically becoming a giddy cheerleader to boost Stolas at every turn... ...and yet, at the same time you're telling me Blitz has never asked about Stolas' eating habits before, nor Stolas ever asking about Blitz's love of horses?? That outside of their failed date at Ozzy's, they never once tried to actually talk, share a meal or hangout aside from their once-a-month hookups (pre-"Full Moon")? Sure, the show implies that Stolas has asked about Blitz's day before (via-some throwaway lines + blink-and-you'll-miss-it texts)... but if the audience never actually sees those friendly gestures on-screen, how am I supposed to buy them being in-love now?? -_- Like, to take a note from "Swan Princess":

Taking away their childhood memory of playing together for a day, the sexual chemistry, the grand gestures, them both having goth angsty daughters... what else IS there for Stolas & Blitz to love about each other, truly? Its one thing if you wanna show them starting over as friends first (awkward roommate-vibes aside), then hell yeah I'd be down to see their rebuilding bond as a more balanced, genuine pairing down the line (making moments like their big kiss + balcony dance 10x more impactful imo)!👍

...But, with how things are now with Viv & crew rushing to go full-romance mode already (regardless of either character's emotional well-being in the story), I... don't think I can see myself joining the Stolas/Blitz ship hype tbh, regardless of what's to come in the next couple seasons...🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Now, to cap things off regarding Octavia in all this... She. IS. A. STAAAAARRR😭🌟👏👏By far the best thing to come out of this finale IMHO; just seeing Via standing her ground as strongly as she did, both in-defense of her dad AND against him... goddd, that was powerful q-q💜 And before anyone mentions it, no I don't think Via was in anyway "wrong" for her reaction to Stolas (regardless of his efforts to reach her by the end). Imagine you're in her position; the product of an loveless, toxic marriage forced upon by a rigid society, living your childhood blissfully unaware & happy until everything comes crashing down in your teen years (through your father's public affair + your mother's rampant rage). All you thought was true is now a confirmed lie, you're stuck in an emotional mess dealing with your parents, and your beloved dad is constantly putting his booty call (+marital drama) a bigger priority over you (albeit unintentionally, but still-)...

Time & time again, Via's been let down by Stolas, the one parent she's always been closest to since the beginning... and to top it all off? Several episodes later, she's watching her father live on TV willingly ready to be executed in Blitz's place (without so much as a single goodbye message to Via, mind you-), effectively breaking his promise that he'd never leave her...

...So, really, how can anyone blame Via for simply being done with her dad, by that point? Stolas may be "trying", I know... but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter that he didn't "mean" to hurt her. What matters most is that... well, he did. More than he can imagine... 💔

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...weeeeew okay that was a bit lengthy my bad- lmao. As a whole, I'd say "Sinsmas" was an... ehhhhh-kinda finale? Like yeah I enjoyed the Via focus we got (+her song💜), the ice battle & the improved M&M + Loona writing... buuuuut oof, am I just exhausted by the Stolas/Blitz-melodrama at this point, oml >>;; No shade to those who did enjoy the finale regardless though, yall are more than valid! 👍👍 Maybe later on I'll give my overall thoughts on S2 (+the overarching story of HB) further down the line if I'm up for it... buuuuut yeah, hope yall enjoyed reading & thanks for sticking around my page~ (for any newer/older Hellaverse fans alike)!👋✨🌙

[darcytaylor]

I'm aware this is unfair and you don't have to entertain it, but I resent Antonia a little bit for making me think less of Luke because of her actions. Whenever she posts, I reexamine my opinion of him, not because of anything he's done, but because him being with her doesn't square with the opinion I've formed of him based on how he shows up in the world. I know it's not his responsibility to fit in with my view of him, I'm just tired of this. I don't know what to think of him at all anymore. I want to be a fan but she's making it hard. There's always that niggling feeling in the back of my mind of, what if he's in on the trolling, y'know? I just hope it isn't the case.

Thank you for sharing this - it’s an honest and vulnerable perspective, and I know people can relate to the dissonance you’re describing. It’s natural to form an opinion of someone based on how they present themselves publicly, and when their personal choices seem at odds with that image, it can feel weird (I’ve brought this up in another post a while back). I think your self-awareness about this is important, especially in acknowledging that it’s not his responsibility to fit into the image you’ve formed of him, even if it’s frustrating at times.

I also get why you may be questioning if he’s in on the trolling (if there is any trolling to begin with - I mean, there probably is some, but most of it seems pretty harmless). That said, I do think things tend to get blown way out of proportion by the fandom. However, unless there’s clear evidence of something more intentional, try to remind yourself that it might just be social media noise and not reflective of any deeper meaning on his part (and even hers).

On a more personal note, I’ve realized that I wouldn’t likely be friends with Luke or his type of friends (sorry, but it’s true, haha). Theatre aside, I can tell they’re not a group I’d naturally connect with - and honestly, that includes Luke. Have I seen some questionable things done by Antonia and her mother? Yes. But again, I don’t know any of the people involved. Who knows? Maybe I’d actually be best friends with all of them, haha! It’s entirely possible my preconceived notions are shaping this belief.

So again, I can’t stress this enough: it’s important to remember that we don’t actually know any of the people involved, and that includes Antonia (we don't actually know what kind of person she is). The image she’s curated within the fandom is partly her own doing, but at the end of the day, maybe she just doesn’t care about how she’s perceived in these spaces. While that might bother some people, it could also be seen as a good thing. If she’s happy and living her life on her own terms, then maybe that’s all that matters to her - and that could be valid.

I’ll admit, I’m way more of a people-pleaser. I hate confrontation, and I’d feel emotionally crushed if I had thousands of people hating me online. But just because I’d approach things differently doesn’t mean her way is wrong or ultimately makes her a bad person. It might just reflect different priorities, values, or ways of dealing with public scrutiny.

She is also very young, and what she posts is on brand for her and her friend group - which includes Luke. This doesn’t make me hate Luke, though. I think he’s super talented, and I find myself more invested in his career choices than his personal ones.

I think this all comes back to the complicated nature of para-social relationships. It’s okay to feel conflicted or even disappointed - it’s a natural part of navigating these dynamics. But maybe it’s worth considering whether entertaining her social media is really helping you. If it’s becoming too frustrating, it might be easier to block her and remove that source of stress for yourself. I know people on the internet tend to repost things, so it can be hard to avoid her altogether, but there are definitely spaces that don’t focus on her actions and posts. Maybe try to find a community like that (even just for a little while), because at the end of the day, she’s just a person who might be dating Luke.

[zeroducks-2]

People hating evil characters is weird to me. I guess the only characters I actually hate are annoying ones cause usually that’s not a point of their character in the story, they just happen to be infuriating. Like Slade being a bad guy is cause he’s a bad guy, that’s like his whole point as a character. Yeah he can be nuanced and worse at times but he exists to be an antagonist. It completely makes sense to me that the Tara thing makes people uncomfortable but he’s still a fictional antagonist, it’s not really a moral failing on the part of the creators.

Tbh if you've experienced these characters in any way (read TJC or watched the more recent animated movie or read Deathstroke 2016 or watched Teen Titans 2003, or whatever else features their interaction) and you don't like Slade, that's fair enough.

Loving and hating characters (and every other emotion) happens all the time and it's part of the experience. HOWEVER, I do take issues when it's people who do not know the character, who have barely ever seen them and just heard "stuff" from other fandom people, who go on crusades against said character because "they did bad stuff".

You see it in people who hate Tarantula "because she raped Dick" and they have not read one single comic in which she appears - they have no idea what she even looks like or what's her real name, but they "hate her" because they read a post in which the sexual assault was mentioned and since she "did a bad thing" they "hate her now". This has to be the most shallow fucking thing, but it's convenient because if you hate on the "bad guy" it must mean you're morally pure and upstanding and you're one of the good ones.

Back to your point, hating on a character without any kind of reasoning or nuance only because they did "bad things" is the death of critical thinking. But people out there act like characters who do shit that's even vaguely considered unethical or morally reprehensible irl need to be hated, and like their existence is some sort of moral failing from the writer's part, and it's so fucking annoying and childish.

Which leads me to my second point which is a tad more controversial, but hey I'm a bitch with insufferable opinions so here we go I guess.

I'm bothered by people who pick a character and use them as their scapegoat, and I mean collectively as a fandom. It kind of is the case with Slade but he isn't the perfect example, however the principle is the same: hating on the villain, especially when the villain is very human and makes very human mistakes, using them as the only person who is capable of doing evil and therefore acquitting every other character of anything they ever did.

With Slade it becomes that Slade is the only bad guy of his story, who hurt Grant and hurt Adeline and hurt Joseph and raped Tara and killed and maimed and tortured, and therefore Grant has no blame in what he did to himself, and Adeline is just a poor innocent woman who was hurt by her unfaithful husband, and Joey did nothing wrong and everything that happened to him is solely Slade's fault, and Tara wasn't already a mercenary hitwoman for hire who lied and cheated and killed - rather she was just a poor innocent girl who was manipulated and corrupted by the Big Bad Guy.

I don't know if you see what I mean with this, but it's very much a thing in a lot of fandoms, especially when it comes to horror media where there is a cast of controversial, "imperfect" characters. One example of this is Mouthwashing, in which (spoilers ahead of course) there is a cast composed of people who range from being downright horrible to having very human but very noticeable flaws - every single one of them is "guilty" of something, and the protagonist in particular is also the one with the most prominent antisocial behaviors. But he's not benefiting from them - Jimmy isn't someone whose life is made better by his piece of shit behavior, rather this is a person with issues and who struggles with mental health (he's suicidal and has very strong delusions), giving him a very hard time keeping his life in order. Which of course doesn't make any of the horrible shit he does less horrible, but I think it's interesting how he's (mostly) not acting out of convenience, rather he's acting out his own demons. And what the fandom did was deciding that this guy is the only one to blame, and that his shitty behavior absolves everyone else of their sins. He's effectively the scapegoat and everyone else - it doesn't matter if they act selfishly, childishly, violently, cowardly or anything really - is guileless and has never done anything wrong in their lives. Jimmy is the only one who's to blame, and the rest of the cast is made of pure perfect angels.

I've seen this happen in many many cases. And it sort of turns into a mob of people whose only fandom personality is to hate on this one guy and gather Upstanding Morality Points, and of course the natural consequence of this is bothering or even outright harassing people who instead are fans of such flawed characters.

I hate it. I'm not saying anyone should have to like a character in particular, but the way people hate on the "easy to hate" guy instead of trying to understand them, especially when it's a complex character whose action make them suffer as much as the people they're hurting, distances me from fandom spaces. People will see a feral beast of a character with their leg caught in a bear trap hissing and growling while in the process of chewing their own limb off, and will toss stones at them and call them disgusting and weird. It's so unkind and I hate it so much.

[ceratedfish24]

Thank you for explaining that you are talking about the characters. However, a lot of people with opinions similar to yours berate Scott for being “mean” to Joel and assume that Scott and Joel must genuinely hate each other. I am very sorry that I made the assumption that you were talking about the ccs.

Personally, I don’t feel like their rivalry is one-sided, but Scott is pretty neutral to Joel until Joel does something that offends Scott or Scott’s allies, regardless of whether it’s Scott’s closest allies or secondary allies.

Also, I didn’t say that Joel committed any crimes. I felt like you were applying crimes where there weren’t any. I don’t feel like Scott nor Joel have committed crimes for killing in a death game within the rules of the game.

I’m also not saying that Joel had no reason to go after Scott. I am saying that Joel has a vendetta against Scott. It’s not a real vendetta, of course, but he does target Scott on purpose. He has talked about this before.

The main problem I had with what you were saying was that many of Joel’s fans actively hate Scott because they believe that Scott and Joel genuinely dislike each other. I am sorry that I made an unfair assumption about you, but you are accusing me of things that I didn’t do. I didn’t say that you were erasing Joel’s crimes. I actually erased Joel’s crimes myself, because I don’t think that killing an enemy in a death game should be considered a crime.

My serious posts are mostly about the ccs because a lot of people attack cc!Scott for things that everyone else in the Life Series does too. That does include when people claim that they are talking about c!Scott, but Scott isn’t necessarily participating in roleplay so much as being himself with his friends. It’s really rough to be called the things people call Scott (“toxic”, “manipulative”, “controlling”, etc.) when you’re just playing a game with a good friend. You can tell that it’s having an effect on the creators, too. For example, Scott deciding not to team up with Pearl in Double Life wasn’t a decision Scott would’ve made without audience pressure not to team up with someone twice in a row, and Scar and Grian refusing to team up since Double Life was also audience pressure. You can tell that the criticism has been crossing the line for some creators, especially recently. That’s why I get so frustrated when people criticize the Life Series “characters” when they’re not having character moments, such as when you talked about Scott killing Joel in Limited Life and telling him that he deserved it. I understand that you did not mean it this way, but many people look at moments like those, which are clearly just lighthearted teasing between friends, and blow them completely out of proportion and attack Scott for it. I hope you can understand why that’s frustrating, especially when it so often only happens to creators who aren’t masculine cishet white men.

I just saw a post talking about how Scott always goes after Joel and Joel has never done anything to Scott and “if you watch Joel’s perspective, it’s totally uncalled for”.

First of all, it’s a death game. They don’t need a reason to kill each other. Scott and Joel are very close friends outside of the game. They used to be neighbors. The people who are closest tend to go after each other the hardest, because they’re the most comfortable with ending each other’s seasons.

Secondly, it is not at all uncalled for. Joel’s whole thing is being a menace. He was upset when someone on reddit said that he’s “lawful good” in the Life Series. He said that his goal is to be “chaotic evil”. Joel is a constant menace to Scott and many of Scott’s allies. As a Joel viewer, you might see that as Joel being clever or powerful, but he is just a menace to almost everybody else and that is literally his goal. Of course Scott would want to push back a little.

Third, sure. Joel often doesn’t effectively do much to Scott. This is NOT due to a lack of effort. Joel tries incredibly hard to irritate Scott. It’s his love language. Joel and Scott are close, and Joel thinks it’s hilarious to get Scott riled up. It’s like targeting your brother in a game for the crime of being your brother. Joel failing to do harm to Scott is not the same as Joel doing nothing to hurt Scott. Joel has repeatedly made his intentions clear.

Fourth, the poster specifically mentioned that Scott killed Joel in Secret Life “without a reason”. Joel spent a whole episode of Secret Life recruiting three people to kill Scott. I think their rivalry is a pretty good reason, but, again, they don’t really need a reason. It is a death game. They are friends. They were on different teams. They are bound to attack each other. That’s how the game works.

Joel fans, you don’t ever have to defend Joel from Scott. If you were a real Joel fan, I think you would know that Joel loves Scott dearly and that’s why he’s such a menace to him. Don’t attack Scott for his mutual friendship with Joel. They know each other’s boundaries and have never stepped on them. The members of the Life Series have stated again and again that everyone in the Life Series shows a healthy and mutual respect and love for everybody else in the series and that, if it made it into a video, everyone is okay with it. Joel and Scott literally take time out of their day to excitedly talk about their sessions with each other by themselves. Take a chill pill. Scott and Joel are just fine.