#and i get that this is hard! im constantly fighting with myself over this very fact!

[audliminal]

In any healthy roommate situation, there is no "exposing people to sexual activity without their consent" bc you've already talked about your comfort levels/boundaries and you know what your roommate needs from you in order to be okay with it. Maybe that's enough warning to put in headphones, maybe it's warning so they can go on a walk. Maybe you have specific hours where you can't bring someone over bc they're gonna be working or on a business call. Every household is gonna end up with a different solution bc there's different people living there! But for the love of God can we stop acting like compromise is some mystical thing where one person gets what they want, and the other person suffers in silence

You can tell this is the social anxiety website because of all the people you see act like it's impossible to host hookups if you have roommates

[billsbabydoll]

“𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓊𝓃𝒻𝒾𝓍𝒶𝒷𝓁ℯ, 𝒸𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝒷𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀 𝓉𝒽𝓇ℴ𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓌ℴ𝓇𝓁𝒹.”

contains:HARSH ANGST+SMUT<3

summary:finally getting sick of bills toxicity and instability, i packed up all of my belongings and planned to “leave him” or as i stupidly told myself, only to find myself easily falling back into his same hypnotizing trap.

WARNINGS:abusive relationship, fighting, arguing, manipulation (I DO NOT CONDONE ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS in this story, this story is ONLY for entertainment purposes!!!), very narcissistic and misogynistic bill, hard-dom!bill, dumb-sub!reader, p in v (against the wall), degrading, pet-names, LIGHT choking, heavy breeding kink.

notes:as someone who has experienced theses types of situations firsthand, if you ever do find yourself in these kinds of circumstances please take the initial steps to get yourself out that relationship immediately, youll be fine i promise love ya!

HEAVY THEMES AHEAD!

“yeah go fucking cry about it you sensitive bitch, get the fuck outta’ my face!”bill loudly shouted at me from the living room as i ran and locked myself into our shared bedroom, tears streaming profusely down my cheeks, as i tumbled onto the bed and proceeded to curl myself up into a small pathetic ball.

im tired of living like this, being so isolated, feeling so trapped, being so mentally and physically drained, having to constantly walk around eggshells around him.

me and bills relationship was a perfect fairytale in the beginning, but quickly came burning down in flames and burnt down to pure ashes at his rage.his anger completely undoing every single precious thing he ever once said to me.

every “i love you.” or “i cant wait to start a life with you.” was once a simple loving string of words now being dangled high above my head as a reminder of his broken promises.

i still cling onto that small glimmer of hope that he could change some-day, that he could love me again, or that he could simply hold me without hurting me.

i lay in my own pity for a long grueling hour before i decide to slowly unravel myself from my position, gently getting up from the bed, wiping the tears from my eyes telling myself,

“i need to leave,

right now.”

i kick into full panic mode and immediately start changing into a dark colored tracksuit and a comfortable pair of sneakers, then i rummage through our closet grabbing random handfuls of my belongings stuffing my suitcase to the brim.

i quietly creak the bedroom door open and make my way through the dark hallway, my luggage in one hand as i try to rush towards the front door.

“going somewhere babe?”he eerily questioned, his evil presence immediately sending cold chills down my spine.

“i-i-uhm..”i mumbled trying to find some kind of explanation but it was if something was struck in my throat, i looked like a child who just got caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

“im leaving!”i managed to spit out, slowly turning to face him.

“oh your leaving?”he responded in a cartoonish voice mocking my own, chuckling manically at my response.

he crosses his arms over his chest as he cockily looks me up and down, he then quickly steps forward grabbing me by my chin with his right hand, yanking a fistful of my hair with his left.

“cant you see THIS is the life i promised you honey?you know no-ones ever gonna buy you all those pretty dresses you like wearing f’me, provide for you like i do, or keep a GODDAMN roof over your head like i do!”

what he was saying was true, without him i wouldnt have a single penny to my name.he took care of every expense, he even had me on a monthly allowance but he didnt do anything of it out of the goodness of his heart he rather used it to his advantage knowing hed always win.

“i know i know but, i-im tired of you being like this bill, im sick of it!i swear ill give it all back if thats what you really want!”i nervously murmured, his grip on my chin and hair tightening.

“your such an ungrateful brat, you dont even deserve to be breathing the same air as me, i shouldve just throw you out months ago like the trashy bitch you are.”

he yelled into my face before slamming me against the wall letting go of some of his grip on me as he pulled down his pants and boxers along with my sweatpants and panties.

“you wanna be treated like a worthless whore ill fucking treat you like one then.“

he wrapped one of his arms strongly around my neck keeping me in place, as he teased his cock in between my slicks folds, causing me to softly whimper.

“aww…look at you poor baby, you just wanted some attention huh, want me to fuck you isnt that right?”he purred squeezing my neck firmly in his arm, sliding his length harshly inside my walls.

though i hated to admit it, it truly turned me on how possessive and upset he got when i tried leaving it showed me he still sort-of cared.the fact he still had enough respect to still fuck me was enough to have me eating right out of his palm, anytime he showed me the slightest bit of affection it casted his spell over me all over again.

he continued thrusting his full length inside my cunt, beginning to aggressively pound away, my head banging against the cold wall.

“ugh-i shouldnt even be mmhtouching you right now ungrateful bitch!”he shouted, his free hand slapping my ass sure enough to leave hand prints the next morning.

“f-fuck fuck, im ughh-yours baby!”i moaned out, tears beginning to spill from my eyes, his tip kissing my cervix perfectly.

“das ist r-richtig, mhm!du gehst verdammt noch mal nirgendwo hin(thats right, your not going fucking anywhere),

gonna fill you all up, hopefully y-you get pregnant that way your ugh-stuck with me!”

the sound of our moans combined with the banging on the wall echoed throughout the house, the faint tv not even being enough to cover up his disgusting insults and my foul cries.

“b-bill ugh please i c-cant!”

“take my f-fucking cock mhmy little cum slut!”

his hips are bucking into mine at an animalistic pace as he urgently chases his release, my walls deliciously clenching around his girth, sending him immediately over the edge.

“scheibe scheibe scheibe(shit shit shit!)”he yelled out suddenly fucking his cock deeper inside my sweet walls, ropes of his seed oozing deep inside my pussy.

“ich w-werde ganz in dir abspritzen du mmh-dumme s-schlampe, ich werde dich mit meinem verdammten baby schwängern (im gonna cum all inside you, stupid slut, im gonna get you pregnant with my baby!)”he adds breeding his cum inside me with a few final thrusts, pulling his length out of me with a loud pop.

bill then releases me from his arm allowing me to slam down onto the floor, pulling his pants up smugly as he knelt down to my level.

“next time im beating the fuck outta’ this was me playing nice, understood? now go make me some dinner before you piss me off again.”

i nod my head instantly at his demands, rubbing the side of my cheek that hit the ground.

“such a good little girl, i love you.” he praised grinning widely down at me before getting back up and walking away from me.

“i love you too.”

and the cycle continues.

THE END

[hearts4werka]

Graduation Surprise

- 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐆𝐎𝐑𝐘 : 𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐅𝐅 -

Summary: Today was the day you’ve been working for very hard, graduation day. You don’t know how but managed to graduate with the highest GPA in your class, if you couldn’t think things could get bad now, they did. After some issues occurring in your family, none of your family members attended your graduation. Thankfully there were your friends who could attend and filled up the spots in the room, cheering me on the whole day as I finally gave the biggest speech of my life. A surprise celebratory graduation dinner is hosted by your friends at a fancy restaurant, but little did you know there was more to come in the surprise…

Warnings: mentions of suicide, grief over the passing of a loved one, family issues, ?mentions of verbal abuse?, swearing and possibly more that may trigger some readers!

- > This was requested by this anon request so big thanks to them for the idea!

Today is the best day of my life, and the worst. Its graduation day. Its not like I havent done good in school, quite the opposite actually, I'm graduating with the title of the top student with the highest GPA in my class. With this big of an achievement, I couldnt be more happy with my life but for as much as I am feeling eternal happiness with myself, theres this small pit inside of me that dreaded this day for as long as my mother was not speaking to me.

After the one unfortunate day I've had enough of her blaming for evey small little misfortune happen in her life, finally standing up for myself and telling her how I feel about her constantly victimizing herself like she isnt the problem, now slightly backfired on me. From how bad the argument ended up to be she refuses to attend the most important day of her own daughters life, graduation day. Even with all of my success achieved at my age she still calls me acomplete dosgrace to this family and a failure, Ive done all in my power to prove her wrong and I did but her opinion seems to remain the same about me.

I've cried and vented about it all to my best friend, Chris who seems to be the only person who has my back and always denies any of my mothers hurtful words, always cuddling me in his arms until my sobs calmed down to a substainal level or until out of exhaustion I fell unconcious, it wasnt our first fight but it never was this bad as it was this time to cut off any speaking words between us. We all used to be the perfect picture family everyone wanted to be like us, looked up to us but ever since my father left us and not awhile after commited suicide it all has flipped my world around, only bad things came my way after that unfortunate event accured and I used to agree with all of my mothers claims that it was all my fault, that I wasnt a good enough daughter to him and that I ddidnt love him enough.

I loved him more than I could love anyone ever, he was the man I looked up to everyday and wanted to be him one day. To make him proud of me, I hope he is looking down at me and smilling at my accomplishments with me. No matter how hard I fight back the pricking tears swelling in my eyes whenever I think of him, I just cant fight them long and would go so far to have a breakdown when I'm hanging around Chris cause I know he;s the one person who wont judge me and instead of asking if im okay, will just scoop the sobbing mess ive made of myself and cradle me until I calmed down.

• 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐎𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

As I nervously stand in the line to finally receive my diploma, my fingers fiddling with my gown I glance around the crowded area filled with the rest of the students parents and loved ones I spot Chris, Matt, Nick, Quen, Larray and Madi sitting in black chairs as the amazing people I am glad to call my friends with full proudness spread across all of their faces, cheering me on from the distance and silently reassuring me everything is fine. I chuckle silently as a small smile rises on my face, the nervousness still swirling on my face but now overcomed by the excitement and pure happiness the most important day has finally came.

Next to all of them is a single empty chair left as I imagine my father sitting down on it, or his deceased ghost, smilling and clapping with all of the others. I feel his looming presence in the air which makes it just sweeter and better to breathe into my lungs. As I stepped closer and closer to the final point, I breathed in a sharp breath before steppng onto the stage and being handed the diploma ive wanted to hold in my hands for so long, I am ripped out of my thoughs as I hear very loud cheering and my eyes rip away from the piece of paper in my hand and notice all of my friends standing up, applauding and cheering as loud as they were allowed to.

My face immediately lights up at the sight, giving them a quick wave before proceeding with the remainder of the graduation ahead of me. Shaking the professors hands with silent 'congratulations' and 'thank you's passed by before I take a seat next to the other honoured students next to the stage, getting ready to at the end of the event present a speech. Not all of us are giving one since not everyone wanted or agreed to do one, I keep on thinking of what I could possibly say on the stand, which words to let fall from my lips and whic are inappropriate to speak out loud.

I listen to the other students speeches, most of them thanking their family for all of the support they received during this path in their life up until this moment, how they achieved what they managed to in this journey. Before I know it, its my turn and my name gets called up on the stand for now my speech, with a shaky breath I stand up from my seat and make my way over to the last thing I need to do before finally graduating from college and moving on with my life.

Clearing my throat to seek any hidden motivation and confidence in the dark shadowy corners of my mind to put it towards this speech but the only positive thing thats surrounding the tense air around me is the comforting presence of my father, oh how I would love for him to witness this moment and live in it with me right now. I'm doing it again, I'm thinking about my father too much that I wont be able to speak, I take another deep breath to regain the lost confidence before I finally begin my speech and loose myself in the words which just start to flow past my lips.

"Um Hi everyone, so today is an inportant day for all of us which is graduation day. Thank all of you for coming here and supporting your child, finally receiving that diploma they worked so hard to achieve and hold in their hands. I would really love to thank my amazing friends who came along to give me the support I needed in this day, but there is one more person I would like to thank..." I let out a shaky exhale before I continue on. "I would love to thank my dear father who didnt have the fortune to be here today due to a very sensitive topic for many of us so to not make this too long I wont get into detail."

"He was my hero, the person I looked up to all my life and the best father you could ever ask for. I know he is looking down at all of us and is so proud of evey child inside of this building, even if its not his, he always made sure to include everyone in the smallest little things who to the average person wouldnt matter as much as it did to him. If youre somewhere here with us dad, I just have one last thing to say to you before they kick me off this stage for making this too long. I love you with all of my heart and dedicate this whole journey and diploma to you." raising the diploma in my hand into the air, small tears prick my eyes as the whole room breaks into cheers and everyone applauding me and I havent felt better in my life.

I step off the stage and reunite with my friends, passing through the crowded area before I immediately fall into Chris's open arms. Everyone joining the hug and continuing to praise my beautiful speech with all kinds of kind words that just go straught to my heart as if taking it into warm arms and never pulling away. "That was absolutely amazing, like im shocked by how heart-spoken those words were" I hear Nick state in a proud tone with a slight undertone of joking to lighten up the mood as the rest of the others chime in with their own words as we all pull away from each other. "Girl we are so proud of you." Larray speaks up louder than the others and pulls me into a seperate hug of his own, soon everyone else follows behind now with Chris being left for last.

Without hesitation he grabs ahold of my waist and pulls me into his chest, his face burying into my hair and inhaling the sweet scent left behind from my shampoo i've used this morning. I nuzzle my face into his chest and breathe in the scent of his cologne I always love smelling, its my favorite out of all of the previous ones he had in the past. "I am so proud of you, sweetheart. You totally nailed it at making the whole room cry, including us." He admits while speaking against my hair, a soft chuckle following suite which also makes me chuckle as well as the others around us, we stand in each others arms fir a few more minutes before finally pulling away.

"Now its time for celebratory dinner!" Matt cheers as the group chuckles at his enthusiasm, we wait for the whole ceremony go come to an end and everyone will be allowed to go home before we make our way out of the building alongside all of the others. All of us split and go out separate ways to get ready for the dinner, I don’t know what to expect since they didn’t tell me much besides the fact we’re going to a dinner at some kind of restaurant after my graduation but they informed me before-hand to dress up elegant so my mind started to assume the different places we could go dine at.

! -- boom boom -- !

I relax under the hot water spraying onto my body from the shower head secured to the marble wall, there’s about an hour before they will be knocking at my door to pick me up. Still, I take my sweet time with my shower as it washes all of the stress and nervousness away in the form of hot water droplets dripping from my nude body. Switching off the shower and stepping out of the shower I wrap a fluffy tower around my torso, absorbing the water that was left behind on my skin as I scout around the room, finishing up the business I needed to get done in the bathroom before I leave my towel to dry and walk out of the bathroom.

My eyes land on the black asymmetrical dress lying down on my bed that Chris gifted me not so long ago, now got me guessing if he was planning this before-hand. Alongside with a white pearly necklace with matching earrings that was also a gift but a bit of an old one now coming from my father before he passed away, I still kept the suicide letter he left for me and put them on top of it so I am reminded of how valuable this gift actually is each time I put them on. Now lastly a silver watch with two rings - 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐟𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤 https://pin.it/2tcBbHAtN

I’ve precisely lied down my outfit to get a visual of it, expecting I would use most of my time in the showerWalking over to imy wardrobe I pick out a fresh parei of underwear with a bra to matcabd a bra, quickly slipping both ite,s onto my body before now moving onto the official outfit. I havent had the dress on yet since I didnt really have a specific reason to put it on but today its a special day and that calls for a special outfit, the dress fits my body like a glove and is tight in all of the right places. walking to stand infront of my full-body mirror I become immediately obsessed with how it looks on me, and quite surprised on how did Chris pick out thus dress possibly all by himself? maybe i underestimaded his knowledge about me all along.

I complete the whole outfit with putting on the rest of the accesories before moving on to my shoes, I've got there old red-bottom heels from my mother which she gave to me for a 'special date with a special someone' but I already know what she was implying and I wasnt so much against it. the idea. I put them on and now go to the next step, makeup. I step back inside my bathroom and start on my makeup, in the same time thinking of what I could possibly do with my hair and in what style I can style it today, especially for my graduation dinner. For some reason I feel like I need to look my best no matter what, so I really take my time whit perfecting my makeup and deciding to do a basic blow-out with my hair once again making sure everything is in place.

Moving onto the final finishing touches, spraying my favorite perfume on my pulse points where it will ill give off the mossmot scent. i check the time on my watch and realize I dont have hvae much time left so I quickly get out of the bathroom, disconnecting my phone from the charger in my bedroom and drop it into my purse which was laying down next to it. With a rush in my move and few minutes to spair before expected knocks on my door, I take some pictures in the the mirror to appreciate how I look tonight. I basically dart to my door as the 'were waiting in the car outside' pop up on my phone screen and revealing the cute wallpaper I have of a photo with Chris, I admire it for a second before moving onto the tast at hand. Exiting the building I see Matt's car waiting outside with everyone inside but with just enough room left for me, they all great me with simple hi’s and hello's but the tone of their voices changing the meaning of them, turning them into more heartfelt greetings. Matt turns the engine back on and we leave from under my apartment complex, chatter and small banters starting to rise in the air of the car.

! -- boom boom -- !

We pull up into a parking lot of a very fancy restaurant and the building from the outside looks already amazing, we all step out of the car. Chris quickly walks up to my side of the car and grabbing my hand, helping me get out of the car. I chuckle with the rest of the group who witnessed it, as all of us are out of the car we make our way up to the front entrance. Nick turns to look at me walking with Chris in the back, "We hope you like it here, it legit took us a month to get a resarvation here." he states with an uplifting tone to his voice, silently appreciating all of the good energy and how they took the time out of their day to scheduel this is so heartwarming to me. "This place looks absolutely amazing, I dont know how you guys did it." I admit, admiring the outside in awe at how it looks in the night with all of the lights turned on, the slight dribble of the waterfountain outside is heard in the background as we finally enter the restaurant.

One of Chris's hands is resting on the small of my back, a warm fuzzy feeling lingering behind it each time he takes it off. I notice for some reason all of the others whenever see our closeness with each other today, it seems like they know something I dont and I'm just itching to ask and admit Ive noticed it but I bite my tongue back and dont say a word about it. Observing the interior design inside, we sign in for our reservation and a polite lady walks us to our table. All of us sit down and have the menu already infront of us, picking it up and flipping through the pages to find something I might enjoy here since I’ve never eaten here before so it will be good for me to try something new from time to time.

I glance around the restaurant, still admiring all of the guests nicely dressed in suits and dressed of all sorts and the interior just screaming luxury and money in general. Ots not my first time seeing luxury in my life but by the looks of the restaurant you cant tell someone has taste in interior design. My eyes go back down onto the menu and come to a desicion on what I should try here, soon the waiter approaches us and takes everyones order before walking away. The table errupts into chatter, some banter and laughter being thrown around evetywhere, positive energy flowing through the air and rising the atmosphere. Everything was perfect so far, amazing even, sjtting at a restaurant with all of my friends I deeply care for while having fun at the same time is such an amazing feeling to have inside of you and hope the others are experiencing it as well.

Before we get the grasp of the time flying by, soon our food arrives and everyone goes in. Tasting the various flavors and textures delivered in the meal, the sounds of satisfaction fill the air as all of us consume our prepared meals while chatting in between. We’ve been in the restaurant for quite awhile now and our stay is soon going to come to an end as we finish our meals then wait for our check to arrive, as we wait I notice the groups eyes shifting from me to Chris and confusion clouds my mind as of what’s to come next and it is nothing I’ve could have ever expected. Chris also places his eyes on me, me now realizing he has something hidden behind his hands and my curiosity rising almost instantly, the others whispering and giggling to each other while I remain oblivious.

Suddenly he stands up from his seat and walks over closer to where I currently reside in my seat, his hand reaches out in a gesture for me to take his hands and i oblige. Softly placing my hand in the palm of his, feeling the warmth of it envelop my own as he makes me also stand up and rise to my feet, his other hand remains hiding the mysterious object behind the enclosure of his fingers trapping it inside. The exact hand comes into view to finally reveal what is the surprise. “You’ve been through so much, yet you’ve managed to pull through it all. Since you graduated with such success, I just had to get you something personally to congratulate my favorite girl finally getting what she worked so hard for.” He confesses before taking his hand away and revealing a small white box, I grab the box and open to find what’s inside. My eyes are met with a stunning diamond ring which shines in the soft glow of the chandelier in the room.

I stare in complete shock and awe, not knowing how to react nor what move I could possibly do to safe the awkward silence. Before I get to wrap my head around any kind of ideas, he lifts my head by grabbing ahold of my chin to look back at him, smiling at my expression. “But there’s one last thing to do…” He speaks again, his eyes darting between looking into my eyes or staring at my lips. “What do you me-“ before I could finish my sentence as well as not getting that much time I needed to think of any possible meanings he meant behind his words, he pulls my face towards his and smashes our lips together in a searing kiss. I could feel the other tables glancing at us but frankly I didn’t care right now, becoming lost in the sensation of his lips on mine.

I melt right into the kiss as my arms fall around his neck, pulling him down closer to me as his arms attach to my waist. Never did I think I would be kissing my best friend in the middle of a restaurant, our friends start to erupt in cheers and the other tables starting to join the moment. After a few minutes passing of the kiss, we pull away from each other and I chuckle at the remains of my lipstick now left on his. “I love you, I really do.” the words leave my lips first as I see the smile widening in both of our faces, our breaths mixing together with each other by the close proximity of our faces in the moment.

“Even if I was a worm?” He jokes, lighting up the tense and intimate mood surrounding us, I giggle at him trying to squeeze in a joke in almost every situation he gets the chance to. “You’re so fucking stupid, it’s starting to get cute” “Yeah maybe, but I’m your stupid, am I?” I roll my eyes playfully, knowing what he’s saying is completely true before pulling him back into another kiss. The others cheers slowly fading into the background and the only thing I could hear was the flowing thoughts and pictures of this moment, everything around us becomes irrelevant as both of our minds get lost in the immaculate chemistry coursing through our bodies.

@hearts4werka

authors note: after working on this for quite some time now, a few crying nights while listening to cas to be exact, I finally finished writing this request that literally was such a good idea. I loved writing the story and it is kinda more story in general in here but overall this was such a fun thing to write. I hope y’all enjoy this kinda change of pace, luv y’all so much

& love and peace, V

Guestlist!

| @sturnioloblues - @sturnsxplr-25 - @deffonotjae - @strnzzvsp - @luvvs4chriss - @sturniolosweetheart33 - @pussypie456 - @choclatestarfishwithahat - @venusxsturnio - @bagsbyclair0 - @sturnstvs - @dykes4chris - @hoe4matt - @cayleeuhithinknot |

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[mandoriana]

A friend of mine questioned if I had a playlist that I listened to when I was going to write Arthur and his family's interactions on some of my fanfic, so I decided to show the songs that I listen to and relate to Arthur, Morgana and Uther, as most of it is from Melaine Martinez, I did this first part just about the Cry baby album.

I hope you like it!

Part 1:

"You seem to replace your brain with your heart. You take things so hard and then you fall apart."

Cry Baby: Arthur, despite being a strong prince, has moments of vulnerability, especially in relation to his father, Uther. I firmly believe that Uther would scold Arthur if he saw or heard him cry as a child, calling him weak and perhaps referring to him in offensive ways, as he should be stronger and not "weak" and a crybaby. In the song, Melanie Martinez sings about how people see Cry Baby as fragile and weak, when in fact she is very strong. This song can also reflect Arthur's relationship with his knights, where he needs to hide his emotions to maintain leadership, but finds strength in his vulnerability.

"Everyone thinks that we’re perfect. Please don’t let them look through the curtains."

Dollhouse: The complicated relationship between Arthur and his family, especially with Morgana and Uther, can be compared to the perfect facade that hides dark secrets. Imagine being a boy who loves his family and wants to see them get along, but every time they are all together, an argument breaks out. Arthur loves Morgana and Uther, but they are always arguing with each other, and when Arthur sides with either Morgana or Uther, they turn against him as if he were to blame for their anger. They are always pretending to be perfect too, like in the case of the tournament where Arthur competes against Valiant. He knows he could die during the fight, but he goes anyway because maintaining appearances is more important to Uther than Arthur's word. The song can also reflect the pressure Arthur feels to be the perfect heir, hiding his own doubts and fears.

"Blood still stains when the sheets are washed. Sex don’t sleep when the lights are off."

Sippy Cup: I think this song fits Morgana more than Arthur, at least considering her dependence on the potions/remedies Gaius gave her for nightmares. The song can also symbolize how Morgana tries to hide her true nature *magic*, using the potions as a form of control.

"Round and round like a horse on a carousel, we go. Will I catch up to love? I can never tell."

Carousel: The constant battles and challenges Arthur faces are always the same endless cycle. He meets someone, that person hates him and tries to kill him or make him love against his will. It can also relate to Arthur's relationship with Uther, a toxic relationship where Arthur struggles to please his father to the point of almost dying, only to disappoint his father for something beyond his control. Arthur is in a cycle that revolves between being loved by his father or being a disappointment to his father. The song can also reflect Arthur's relentless pursuit of justice and honor, even when facing betrayals and repetitive challenges.

"Always aiming paper airplanes at me when you’re around. You build me up like building blocks just so you can bring me down."

Alphabet Boy: The dynamic between Arthur and Uther, where Uther almost never shows confidence in Arthur's ability to rule and belittles or underestimates his son. The song can also represent Arthur's struggle to prove his worth not only to Uther but to the entire kingdom, constantly facing doubt and underestimation.

"Think I got myself in trouble, so I fill the bath with bubbles."

Soap: The moments when Arthur needs to face his own failures and apologize, especially in his personal relationships. The song can also symbolize the times when Arthur feels overwhelmed by expectations and responsibilities, needing a moment to think and start over.

"I’m pulling on your heart to push my luck."

Training Wheels: Arthur's evolution from an impulsive prince to a wise king, with Merlin's help. The song can also reflect the relationship of trust and mutual learning between Arthur and Merlin, where both grow and develop together.

"It’s my party, and I’ll try if I want to. Cry if I want to, cry, cry, cry."

Pity Party: This song is about loneliness. Arthur was surrounded by people since he was born and yet only stopped feeling lonely after Merlin arrived in Camelot and became his friend. I like to listen to this song when writing Arthur's past, imagining him having a grand birthday party, but everyone there is present only because he is the prince, and most only talk about Ygraine's death.

"Running through the parking lot, he chased me and he wouldn’t stop."

Tag, You're It: Uther's persecution of sorcerers, but also the sorcerers' pursuit of Arthur. The song can also symbolize the constant sense of danger and persecution that Arthur faces, both from external enemies and internal conflicts.

"Ashes, ashes, time to go down. Ooh, honey, do you want me now?"

Milk and Cookies: The song evokes a sense of danger and manipulation, which fits well with Sarrum, the warlord who kidnapped Morgana and Aithusa. The lyrics about "staying away from things that aren't yours" reflect the possessiveness and control that Sarrum exerted over his prisoners. The song can also represent Morgana's struggle to escape Sarrum's control and regain her freedom.

"Someone told me stay away from things that aren’t yours. But was he yours, if he wanted me so bad?"

Pacify Her: Arthur's attempts to maintain peace in Camelot, even in the face of internal conflicts, are well represented here. The song can also reflect Morgana's growing hatred for Arthur, despite him not wishing her harm. The complexity of their relationships and misunderstandings are central themes.

"Don’t be dramatic, it’s only some plastic. No one will love you if you’re unattractive."

Mrs. Potato Head: I have a headcanon that Arthur is insecure about his appearance, and the song talks about aesthetic pressure and insecurity, something Arthur could feel, especially with the expectations of being a perfect prince. The song can also reflect Arthur's internal struggle to accept himself and find value beyond his appearance and social status.

"All the best people are crazy. All the best people are."

Mad Hatter: The magical and crazy situations that Arthur faces, especially involving Morgana and other sorcerers, are well captured by this song. The lyrics about "all the best people being crazy" reflect the chaotic and unpredictable nature of Arthur's adventures. The song can also symbolize Arthur's acceptance that madness/magic is part of his world, and that he must learn to navigate these turbulent waters.

[ganondoodle]

sorry about that last rambling post, i didnt mean to sound like its worse than it may be, but i got no ... lense to view it through but my own, and the main reason i wrote it out anyway was bc i needed to get it out (even if posting it might be not the greatest idea) .. and bc it kinda showcases, i think, how my stories kinda write themselves, involuntarily in a way? its not like im not putting in any effort- but its like .. i cant STOP it always keeps going and even the dumbest idea stays in some form, its very hard to get everything in place bc theres so much going on all the while i am very slow at making anything, writing or drawing anything, especially anythign coherent is very hard bc not only do i get constantly distracted, i get distracted by my own thoughts suddendly skipping to a certain scene and me having to go throguh imagining in detail NO MATTER how many times i have done it before for the same scene that i already decided on how it goes, when theres a new idea it can take over my entire day bc i cant let go of it-

not trying to sound either like im the only that has that sort of problem, but i think its a big part as of why i start tso many projects without being able to finish them, or even start them bc i constantly have to fight my own thoughts from derailing into another daydream session, thinking of too much too fast than i can ever draw or even write about and not knowing what is worthwhile and what isnt (im telling you i have no idea what is good and what isnt, idk why but for all i know all things i do could be trash, or they all could be bad, maybe the one i thinnk is decent is actually worse than the things i deem not good enough and once i start to think no this isnt good enough i stop having fun making or thinking it bc im trying to do better

honestly its kind of impressive that i can get anything out at all, not to pat myself on the back there but even if i hate how long it takes me, considering how much im having to work just to start working on something at all, the fact that i could post stuff coherent enough for some people to understand AND LIKE is something i should be a little more proud of

[prosciuttulipa]

RAAAAAAH i want a match ngl LMAO

Jjk match because Im a fucking simp, and a guy bcs I am in fact a straight woman thanks

I'm a big nerd. Like, a very big nerd. I do math for fun and I am not ashamed at all when I interrupt someone to correct them (I have autism and ADHD, how could you tell?)

I'm relatively closed off, and most of the time, insecure. I'm shy and I barely ever make the first move (unless I've had a couple of drinks or a lot of eyeliner). I think what people most define me as is the "old soul, young body). I'm like the mom of the group, though I am absolutely reckless when there's another mom in the group, since it takes the responsibility away from me.

I hate going out, and it's really hard to get me to go to the beach, for example. I think my best quality personality-wise is that I'm down to earth and realistic about my goals. A problem is probably how much self-doubt I have, since people constantly tell me I am capable of achieving more than I think I can. I don't settle for seconds, but I'm not too excited when I rech first, because there's always a new competition.

Oh yeah, I'm competitive. Very.

I'm a pessimist, though I like to say it's realism, because why be positive, hype myself up, only for it to go wrong and the disappointment hurt me? As I said, emotionally closed off.

My personality is the infamous black cat, and I think (though I'm not sure), that a golden retriever boy is what would fit me best. (even though I simp for other black cat guys)

For hobbies, I'm boring, though I do have many. I play the guitar, do martial arts (krav maga), draw, sing, write absolutely filthy smut, and, most important of all: do math and study. Yeah, my main hobby is studying.

I'm not sure how I show my love? I don't, usually. I can love someone unconditionally and be absolutely lovesick, but only after a very heavy emotional session, may it be a fight or drinks, will I tell soemone how much they mean to me. I spent the last four years with my best friend, and only after a day's worth of drinking and crying did I tell her how much she meant to me.

I'm a bit icky with physical touch, but if I trust them, I'll let them cling to me. Initially push people away and only after knowing them do I let them hug me, kiss me, cuddle me. I am awful when dealing with compliments, and I cannot take a gift. So probably quality time is my love-receiving language when generally speaking. A boyfriend/husband would probably work with physical touch and words of affirmation, though.

I dont think there's any big turn-off or turn-on in relationships? Maybe not giving me enough attention and helping me emotionally, because I'm easily falling into insecurity, feeling like I'm not enough.

I have like medium curly dark hair and dark eyes. Eyebags, and a lot of moles all over my face. My body is relatively fit? I have a bit of fat ngl but I also have muscles. A bit of a tummy and thicc thighs (they do, in fact, save lives) that double the size when I sit (insecurity alert!) I'm pale, though I am a mixed baby. I dress in all-black most of the time, and all the color variations are like red or dark blue. (I AM NOT EMO). I wear eyeliner from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep and I have pierced ears. I also plan on getting nip piercings and plan on getting

I think i need more songs to listen to, so I'm going with the three songs he associates wit me.

Congratulations! You have been matched with...

Choso Kamo

When people see you and Choso together, they immediately assume that you're just another average emo couple, quick to place stereotypes. But under the heavy eyeliner and dark clothes, are two people who are just trying to figure out life in their own way.

Choso is fascinated by your contradictions: insecure yet quick to correct others, pessimistic but burning with a competitive drive for more. Where some people may see indecision, he sees something much more real and human in comparison to the single-minded characters he's met during his time alive. Living is hard, has experienced it for himself, so he doesn't shun you for your contrasting perspectives. Instead, he wants to learn about the world alongside you, unpicking the way you think, wondering about your insecurities. Although he's been through a lot, there's something inherently innocent and simplistic in the way Choso sees the world. If you're an old soul in a young body, then he's a young soul in an old one. Perhaps by meeting somewhere in the middle, the two of you will get closer to unravelling the mystery that is life.

Choso doesn't mind that you don't like going out, but you often find yourself tagging along as he explores the world in small ways. A trip to the convenience store may as well be a museum visit, with the way he asks you about the products, eyeing them with confusion. He also admires the fact that you study math—to dedicate yourself to understanding anything in such depth is no small feat—and he's happy to sit next to you while you work, occasionally asking questions about your interest in the subject. His most common form of affection is just leaning his head against your shoulder, watching silently as you work.

Dates with Choso are pretty laid back, since he's happy to take the lead on whatever makes you comfortable. It doesn't matter to him where you two are. For him, understanding your mind (and falling in love with the way you think, the way you are) is what matters to him the most.

The Matchmaker's Gift:

Contrary to popular belief, Choso's music taste is rather soft. This song reminds him of the inherent dependence that comes with being connected.

Offering you this song with a curious tilt of his head, Choso asks you if this is how your pessimism feels like.

This is the song Choso uses to confess to you. His feelings are one of the few things he has to his name, and he wants to share them with you.

[fipindustries]

my experiences with transphobia.

this will probably make me look a bit unlikeable because its going to ammount to "not that many tbh i was insanely priviledged", i am very well aware of the struggle that my community goes through every day all over the world, specially in the last few years where republicans and terfs and conservatives in general have seemed to drive themselves into mouth foaming frenzy out of disgust, and where intra community fighting seems to get more bitter every day.

but i do want to share my experience all the same and hopefully this will help give some hope in the current bleak state of affairs that not everything about being trans is constant suffering all the time.

winding back the clock all the way to me being a kid, i was very much bullied, from kindergarden to high school. my experience in the education system was twelve solid years of being called names, being pushed around, being ostracised, being made fun of and being excluded. i had people trick me into accepting food the offered and then telling me they had spit on it before (my response to that was to keep eating it all the same and made sure to enjoy it in front of them). ive had people beat the shit out of me, and i had people point at me on the hallways and laugh every time i would walk across them.

none of this was over any gender stuff, mind you, but because i was just "the weird kid" i was very openly nerdy and neurodivergent, i had been raised by cartoon shows and i would insist on behaving as a cartoon character irl. also because i was not very social, i was awkward and because i tended to keep to myself.

besides that i lived in a small town with no nerdy scene at all, my family (especially on my dad's side) just plain didnt get me. noone seemed to share or understand my hobbies and my dad would constantly critcize me for the way i behaved, the way i dressed, the way i talked, etc.

out of all this my response was to say "no, its the children who are wrong". i resolved from a very young age to just be myself and if that made me an outsider and a weirdo and an outcast then whatever. if some came to make fun of me or criticise me for just being me then they were in the wrong and their opinion was automatically discarded. i was not going to compromise myself for the sake of others. i never really developed a sense of shame over being who i was.

this of course was in part a bit of a trauma response which ended up with me having the maladaptive trait of being too self centered and too inconsiderate of other people's needs, i had a really bad tendency to see any criticism, no matter how valid, as an attack to be ignored, to this day i still have trouble measuring myself and noticing when im hurting others, i still have a hard time prioritizing other people's needs over my own.

but, tragicomically enough, this attitude proved to be actually rather useful for when i transitioned. i am more or less impervious to weird comments or outsiders eyes. as soon as i came out of the closet i was going out in full drag like, literally three days after. i was walking outside, going to the corner store, doing groceries, running errands and stuff ouside in the street with fake boobs and my face caked in make up i still didnt fully know how to properly apply. i had a bunch of kids yell faggot at me and my only thought was that those little shits should get taught some manners.

it also helped me brush off really unpleasant comments from a close friend with regards to my transition, like her saying she was sure i was going to end up detransitioning or that everyone thought i looked like a fake caricature of a woman. my first reaction to those comments was "she is just saying that to hurt me, opinion automatically discarded". it helped me stand uo to my dad who outright refused to call me by my pronouns or treat me like a girl so i just immediatly stopped talking to him or visisting him until he changed his mind. it took a year but he eventually did and now things are great between us.

but that is only half of the story. im telling you all this because it sounds cool and because im genuenly proud of it but the truth is also that, i just didnt have to put up with a lot of hardship in my life in general, i grew up in a nice house with a loving caring mo and step dad, i went to college, i lived a lower middle class lifestyle generally. once i got out of high school i managed to get some actual friends. and i live in a more or less stable country.

all of my friends and immediate family were instantly cool about my transition. my uncles, my grandma, my cousins, my mom, my sister, my step dad. i was immediatly accepted with an "ok, cool, you are mandy now". all of my friends immediatly accepted me with open arms as well. if there were ever any weird social games about "being excluded from girl spaces" or people treating me different or whatever im probably too socially oblivious to notice them.

on top of that i live in a genuenly very trans friendly country, in a seemingly trans friendly city. so generally goberment institutions, health care institutions, private bussineses, the companies i worked for, they all went out of their way to use my prefered pronouns and name, even before i changed my documentation to reflect this.

i dont think i ever was scared to come out of my house or walk down the streets of my city, even at night. and let me tell you, there are times where the sun hits the wrong way or i forgot to shave or all my clothes were dirty and i had to essentially boy mode, and none of that deterred me from going outside and doing my bussines without even sparing a second thought to what strangers on the street might think. other people on the street are just non-entities for me, they might as well be painted on the walls, i just cannot bring my self to care about what they might think.

i keep thinking back to that scc article about people living in different circles that seem to either automatically insulate them from or automatically draw them to abuse from others.

people are generally nice and normal and reasonable around me and i dont know if this is because i have an "anti-transphobia" field or i am just incredibly innatentive, where its happening all the time and i just dont notice it, but it has certainly made my life easier.

[anemoiashifts]

Hi, I keep struggling and I would love your advice because you're just amazing and I feel comfort in your blog. How do I stop holding myself back? I have terrible overthinking problems, to the point I've been in and out of therapy for a long time, anyways, I constantly worry my DR will hurt me instead of make me feel at home. This is the same with my DR s/o. I deeply love both of these things and know deep down they're apart of me and my home. But I constantly get invasive thoughts over it everytime I remotely think about attempting to shift, I so badly want to shift to my DR. But I'm stuck in this endless cycle of self sabotage and torturing myself mentally. Any advice?

hello anon ! 🫶🏻 i struggle a lot with overthinking that stems from anxiety & probably a lower self confidence then most — oddly enough, not in regards to shifting, though. i totally get the vicious cycle & how paralyzing it can be & the almost guilt that comes with it. so, this isn’t really shifting advice but more so cbt skills that i learned in inpatient a few summer ago that can be applied to your situation.

being mindful of my thoughts during the day & writing them down in a journal & separating them into irrational vs rational thoughts helped me to become more aware of what thought led up to another thought & to define when it stopped being rational. to apply this to shifting, the irrational thought would be “what if my dr s/o cheats on me” to “lots of people have this worry & i have scripted “xyz” to prevent this.” i know it’s not that simple & you may not believe it right away but know the negative mind isn’t rational at all. it thrives off of “what if’s”. like i said this is a cbt skill & not general shifting advice & skills take time to build up overtime. don’t be so hard on yourself. this is something im still learning to be better about myself, so if you think you’re alone in this you’re not.

doing things out of your comfort zone may also benefit you. it doesn’t have to be something like jumping out of a airplane but if you’re scared to ask for ketchup at a restaurant, then try to do it. when you’re scared, your body is trying to protect you thus resulting in “fight or flight mode” & thinking up every worst case scenario & trying to figure out how to handle it. it’s a survival skill that’s very human & since we don’t live in hunter / gatherer times, it presents itself in other ways. if you expose yourself to discomfort, within time, your body will adapt & find the thing you were scared to do not so scary anymore. it will then begin to fracture the cycle your body has built up.

secondly, having “starting” dr’s could help or building up a foundation by shifting to “safer” places first to (for lack of better wording) build up your tolerance to shifting & so your body knows what to expect & it maybe won’t be as scary when you do shift to a specific place you’ve had in mind. this could be something like a childhood home or even in another room in your home, perhaps?

i hope this helped anon. thank you for feeling comfortable enough to ask this, mental health isn’t always easy. best of luck 🤍 !

[noemilivv]

haii!! im really interested in matchups and im currently sorta fixated on hazbin hotel so i was just wondering who i would get sorted with!! (could be platonic or romantic idm)

i'm a bisexual girl but unsure of what my pref is... hhh go wild

abt me!!

personality wise; i can be distant often, not the one who starts convos or tries too hard to keep them going, often clinging to people im already familiar with and not engaging myself with those im not, im better assigned with people that can speak for me and can do well in public <33

around people im more comfortable around and feel like i can be myself i just say whatever atp

im either too loud or too quiet no inbetween ??

"very eccentric (in a good way)" when i asked my fg to describe me

i can be extremely passionate and ramble and talk ab my insane lil theories on and on thats about stuff i actually enjoy and i feel like i'd need someone that could withstand that and endure my entire essays of whatever i'm interested in at the moment!!

extremely sarcastic and doesnt take most stuff seriously

im often immature and can be viewed as not the smartest at times, my humor is also questionable, someone who could joke with me or just laugh with me overall

style & appearance

i dont think i have a specific style, big baggy clothing/pants, sweaters, streetwear inspo, i have a lot of jewelry stashed up too ^_^

i'm 5’2.., middle eastern and for a short description have short dark brown hair and brown eyes

love languages

im not sure what my love language is?? maybe words of affirmation or quality time i love receiving those two too

the rest that idk what to name !!

i like to draw from time to time, play video games, make up theories about pieces of media i like, most types of competition, cooking/baking often

i like

dark chocolate, warm colors, oversized stuff, taking photos, instruments, fighting games (even though they bring the worst out of me and i constantly rage), lava lamps or anything else thats incredibly cool to look at, cartoons, anything chocolate (cake, ice cream, donuts, etc)

i dislike

tomatoes, warm fruit/vegetables, over complicated stuff, hot weather, bugs, sudden loud noises, academics

yayay thats all tyy!!

okay i’mma be real here, i couldn’t think of a romantic matchup for you, but i decided on a platonic one!! and that is…

Angel !! (Platonic)

No matter what social event you may be at, Angel is one of the best people to cling to imo, he’s chill - but also not boring - he has enough energy to keep shit moving, he’ll push you to go out of your comfort zone socially but he won’t force you to.

Angel’s humor is very…questionable at times as well, so honestly, he gets you. And he probably thinks your hilarious, let’s be real. I can see your humor meshing very well with his, especially if you’re also considered immature haha

Despite Angel passing away in the late 1940’s, he has grown quite accustomed to modern technology in Hell, so he’ll happily play fighting games with you, and he’ll not so happily rage when he dies… :’)

[olkarrion]

Im okay, fighting my way thru a migrane and severe depression but im ok. some good news:

1) Its been over a week since i quit nic (again) im very proud of myself

2) im trying to take breaks in between getting more weed, and smoking a LOT less, which sucks and is hard, but my pain hasnt been killing me so thats a huge fucking win!! my pain used to be a 9/10 almost constantly, even while high, and i was at a 4/10 while sober just a few hours ago. hopefully this trend continues.

3) im hanging out tmrw with my best friend and he got me so much weed. i fucking love that man, he has been my fucking rock these past 2 years. i dont know what i did to deserve him but im grateful. shit bag is moving across the damn country soon, and ill miss him like hell, but ill be ok. its motivation to actually get my certification, i want to be able to afford to visit him.

things are so weird right now. im trying so thats something. i hope yall are doing ok. sending love 💜💜💜

[eddie-rifff]

depression suicide mention tw

idk im fine but like. im venting

gamers ill be honest. im having a hard time

i feel like all the meds im on are working overtime to keep me from becoming suicidal again but im like. really close to that

i feel so hopeless. i feel like ive been stabbed in the heart and im slowly bleeding out but the relief of death never comes. im tired. im tired of trying to keep it together

idk what im gonna do if i cant get a job like soon. getting turned down or ignored CONSTANTLY is very disheartening. it makes me feel so inadequate and less than and i already struggle with that so when im basically flat out told "you're not good enough for us" that reeeeeally hurts. getting fired for being not bubbly and personable enough hurt. my dad was like well youre not bubbly and personable thats just not you and i was like ok but i thought i was faking it all right and i guess not.

idk man. this is hard. i dont know how much more fight i have in me. ive been looking for a full time job for over a year. ive applied to literally hundreds of jobs, had about 5-10 interviews, but no full time job seems to want me and i worry thats always going to be the case. im too afraid to ask why, too. i cant bring myself to do it. i know i should but im so sensitive, id be heartbroken if they said...... like anything lol

it just seems so futile

[bnnuy-wabbit]

The cockroach incident? 👀

ok. picture me, your average flightless, featherless, biped animal. This happened roughly 2 months after i decided i wanted to drop out of college, but 2 months before classes were over, so i really was just Not Having It. I hated most of what i was studying and saw no point in continuing. I was 5 states away from my family, living in a shared apartment with a deadbeat roommate who was in the same house as me like once a week. It was the middle of the hottest summer i have ever experienced in my entire life. My apartment complex was this old moldy hole, full of spiders the size of a closed hand, bats in the attic (i had never even SEEN an attic but here we were and mine had BATS in there). and a brand new cockroach infestation. I was slowly going insane very quickly.

On top of all that I had a very stressful practical anatomy test to study for. It was hard ok? over 300 names to memorize across several different animal species. I was studying solely through videos because the teacher didn't let us actually study with the anatomical pieces. So there i was. 1am on a sunday. Sitting at the kitchen table, a white, plastic lawn table, broken. if you put too much weight on it it just came undone. Sweat is dribbling down my asscrack. I am studying to the sound of friday night funkin songs because it's the only thing that could keep my adhd ass awake while i binge studied.

Out of the corner of my eye i catch some movement and i see a Giant Flying Cockroach approaching rapidly. It was the size of my pinky EASILY. It lands on the wall opposite to my room's door. It stays there, its little antennae moving and flickering DISGUSTINGLY. I stare at it. I can't move. At that moment i am 300% sure if i move itll move and i really dont want that. I stare at it. unmoving. for half an hour. it doesnt move. but of course, im intelligent enough to know that sooner or later one of us WILL have to move, and the other one will die. So i figured, well, better for it to be me! So i get up. slowly. carefully. i walk towards the kitchen to get the broom. really fucking slowly. still staring at it constantly (it didnt move). i get closer to it again, broom in hands, shaking like a leaf. utterly terrified of the horrid animal in my house.

it begins to move.

i stop moving.

it stops moving.

every single time i moved it moved. i couldnt get my broom any closer to it without it Walking Around. It wasnt even running away or scuttling. it was just walking little steps, like it was mocking me. mocking me and my existence. mocking my every daily toiling.

i went god im SO FUCKING FUCKED! This is it! This is how i die! Death by trashbug!

so i stop moving. i dont move. i stop breathing. i become stone. my white ass camouflages within my landlord white surroundings. once again i go back to staring at it and its horribly long antennae. I just stare at it, trying to find the courage within me to stab the fucker. But one thing you need to know about me: i am a scared little animal who just happens to be very big. my soul is very small. it is puny even. i am proudly a coward. but being a coward doesnt fix the fact that there is a very scary bug threatening my livelyhood and my hopes and dreams and that im ALONE and have to deal with this myself.

and so i whack it. i whack the beast. i stab it. i shove the broom up like REALLY HARD against the ceiling. i am confident i smashed it because i very vigorously whammed a broom on the wall. it was very loud!!!! still, i keep it there for a moment, trying to gather the courage to let it go now because thats another entire beast. thats another task within itself. but like. im confident i killed it at this point. im confident my efforts paid off in the end and that courage wins every fight etc.

so i let it go!

and what does it do? It FLIES OFF! And i yell. i begin yelling. my throat gets hoarse.

the thing didnt even get a scratch! On top of that, it just flew STRAIGHT INTO MY ROOM.

At this point im this 🤏 close to a mental breakdown.

so my first idea, of course, is FUCK I SHOULD CALL MY MOM. She picks up despite the fact that it is now almost 3am. that does very little to comfort me because 1. shes 5 entire states away. thats half a country. 2. shes also terrified of cockroaches.

so yeah. dead end.

i tell my mom "im going to ask my elderly neighbor for bug spray" and she says "its past 3am dont wake up your elderly neighbor for bug spray".

so what do i do? i desperately bang on my elderly neighbors door for 10 minutes. Her 2 dogs bark a lot. Never once does she open the door, but i could very much hear her flipflops squeak on the floor, so she was just Standing There. I beg for her help, i ask for bug spray, im full on crying at this point and my voice is hoarse from the yelling from before. She begins praying like im some sort of apparition i guess. I can hear her praying to god or some shit and then leaves me to be. she doesnt ever reply to me directly. So i sit against her door like a very normal person, curl up on fetal position and lose my shit right there. i am shaking. i am crying. theres snot running down my face. im bawling.

eventually i drag myself back home. stand at my bedrooms door and i look at the fucking mess my room is. depressed grad student, ok? keep that in mind. theres dirty clothes all over the floor. actually. let me Show.

as you can see there are Many places for a cockroach to hide. so i decide to remove everything from my room. item by item. until i either find its hiding spot or die trying.

i find the cockroach. or rather, it finds Me.

It sneakily crawls up my leg just as i was about to move my clothing pile.

I scream. It fucks off.

I remove every last fucking thing from my room.

i flip the bed upside down, under it i find a lone galoshe. I figure that's where it was hiding. im too scared to touch it seeing as the thing has already flied several times and tried to CLIMB ME. I'm tired and Already out of my mind. I have no more fucks to give. Scared (still, as always) i sack the boot and throw it off my apartment. like, i just yeet the thing out. lock the door. Look at the clock. its like 3.30. i spent over half an hour hastily empting out my bedroom.

Honestly at that point i wasnt even sure the cockroach was in the boot. i felt i couldnt be sure it was dead until i found the body. it was late, so i called a friend to call down and broke into my roommate's room because my room no longer had furniture in it. I slept in his crusty ass sheets, the very ones he was fucking his very annoying girlfriend on top of a week earlier (he only had 2 sets and he hadnt washed anything bigger than socks in like a month. the apartment was small. his laundry was my business and i was Very Aware of its existence in the middle of the living room). so yeah. they were cummy. they were crusty. it was cracker solid. i could Not care less though.

i slept shittily until 7am. i ran to the store first thing in the morning to get the strongest bug spray i could find and also bug repellent.

I sprayed the entire house. I mean this. The walls were slick with bug spray. You could NOT breathe inside my room. Not even the kitchen was spared. I walked out of it smelling like mothballs and cancer and walked straight to the university so i could study to my effing anatomy test (it was monday, the test was on tuesday), eat and watch my classes.

I did just that. The entire day was unremarkable.

Oh actually. the elderly neighbor complained in the complex whatsapp group about a certain incensitive and unruly neighbor disrupting the peace late in the night. LM fucking AO.

I got home late, but still decided to clean my room from the chemicals. my roommate was home for once, so i told him what was going on, that id be cleaning the house because of the bug spray. I deep cleaned the whole house. I took special care of my room tho. At the end there was nary a speck of dust on my furniture (1 wardrobe, 1 bed, 1 beach chair). my clothes were folded. it smelled CLEAN IN THERE for the first time in weeks. i lit up the bug repelent. it was one of these babes.

I was SURE it was dead. the room had soaked all day in bug spray. i caught every single crevice in that room. i even sprayed INSIDE my box bed. it had to be dead. there was no way it wasnt dead. right???? right???????

i sat on my bed. i changed the sheets so it felt really good. i grabbed my computer and went back to studying. i was just vibing, man. i was just vibing.

The cockroach appeared from nowhere, climbed the wall, got sucked by the fan, flied, whacked me in the face.

I yelled, grabbed the my newly acquired spray can and then yelled some more. Then i remembered my roommate was home. I banged on his door until he opened it. shoved the thing on his face and dragged him into my room (me. tall guy. btw. dense. him, taller guy, confused, thin as a rail. just funny. to keep in mind). he went holy shit, thats big.

he sprayed it and everybodys biggest fear at that moment became true. again. it started flying. again. it went all over the room. he sprayed all over the room. it landed on my pillow, he drenched my freshly washed pillowcase in bug spray. it landed on the window, he sprayed the window until it was no longer see through. it scurried across the floor, he sprayed the floor. it went under my bed. then he stopped. i lifted my bed. he got it with his flipflop.

the evil was finally defeated.

but so was i... my clean sheets man......

[imstupidcheesecat]

tracking reads ★ end of feb/ through march

♡ - more than 1k/fic

♥︎ - less than 1k/reactions or drabble

web of hearts : ♡ interesting. cute. expected. lively. domestic. had a great time reading it. would hold irl for spider woman karina. kiss scene was worthwhile.

sleeping on the couch after a fight : ♥︎ mark - :( but :), renjun - hehe, jeno - EMO, haechan - accurate, jaemin - wholesome, chenle - real, jisung - lol.

8:45 : ♥︎ cute but like two words threw me off (ykw). breakfast w jaemin is always good.

nct dream as ur college boyfriend : ♥︎ cute. love college au. fav: mark, jaemin & haechan :)

[5:34pm] : ♡ actually adore teasing relationships. described so cutely and playfully i caught myself judging myself. SO SWEEt

fangirling over other groups : ♥︎ omg jisung’s is really stinking cute and jaemin’s :( chenle ofc would be like “you can meet them rn”

taking of promise ring : ♥︎ bro why is it so emo. haechans hurt, jisung’s hurt a lot and jaemin’s bro… 🥲

[6:07] : ♥︎ it was over really quick and not too much detail (it’s implied you have a crush on jaemin but im confused why she’s huffing the sweater.) simple christmas blurb. ♫

seatmate!anton : ♥︎ so simple and cozy. ditto school in the clouds (yk) the dinosaur bit made me want anton as my seat mate. fluff at its peak.. also suggested swimmer anton //// ♫

death wish : ♡ if continued i will definitely read. for me it was hard to visualize for a second but i liked it. (kinda reminding me of something i wrote with cupid.)

historicalvampire!karina : ♥︎ i’m so curious - sherlock by shinee. i really like this idea but it leaves a lot to assuming (short) but i like it anyways. ♫

[9:16pm] : ♥︎ as this is probably my first renjun fic i’ve read (or can remember reading) this was delightfully good. never felt so cozy and immersed in a library study session with renjun in my head. ♫

nct dream wedding tropes : ♥︎ i really liked chenle’s 🤩 and all them are really cute. love wedding tropes <3

texts w bf intak : ♥︎ actually hurling and sick with boyfriend intak. you can’t tell me he’s not my bf rn #crying

monday miscommunication : ♥︎ tasteful nsfw but at the same time i was itching my head. (language, urgency, use of princess to just name a few) i’d be amazed at how nicely it’s written and then get a cringy odd sentence after.

hate you (love you) : ♥︎ it’s short and sweet and i’m always a sucker for holding hands under the table and it makes me sad that yn never gets to do that. :( (also reminded me of my own thing)

stress reliever : ♥︎ it’s okay + very short. i love domestic jungwoo but i caught dialogue being oddly stated. but none the less it was cute :)

holding hands : ♥︎ never knew how badly i love hand holding. JENOS. chenles 😑😭. jaemin’s is super sweet and HYUCKS. i literally adore how on brand they are with the members. so good pls.

[8:34 PM] : ♥︎ really stinking cute. so simply explained and written. love me a motorcycle jungwoo 🔛🔝 loved this.

work wife : ♥︎ wife karina 🫡 i liked it (even if i’d never be caught as the tiny girlfriend if anything roles would be changed.) not a simp, just a simp.

fairy of shampoo (holding hands) : ♥︎ MAD CUTE. i liked seunghans the best and wonbins :( anton’s was good too but i feel like my wrist would die from being pulled constantly.

tell me you love me : ♥︎ BRO EMO AF. i’ve haven’t read such a heart hurting fic like that. its not like a cried (i did inside) but it was still sad. so good why *fixed

21:23pm : ♥︎ it’s so short but SO GOOD???? like i’m such a sucker for wooyoung and like it was so naturally playful and cute. pls i want him to be my tattoo artist. OMG

sweet relief : ♥︎ tasteful. clingy hyuck >

livin in my system baby : ♥︎ cute. uni roommates with sungchan is a dream come true. but you would never catch me doing anything that dumb for mint ice cream (i hate it)

native language : ♥︎ chenle’s was really good and all of them (but i found myself not as into it as other reactions.)

snow candles : ♥︎ can’t go wrong with vampire sunghoon. very wholesome and “His cold nose brushed against your skin,” for the kiss was just ugh so good.

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favorite: web of hearts (long + first i read, it was such a well built fic with a GOOD kiss scene. honestly still have chills)

least favorite: native languages (i forced myself to read and it wasn’t as good of a reactions idea as others i’ve read.

[belzrgr]

[Fairy], [Bonus], [Fighting] and [Water]

You don't have to do all of them but I want to know for Barb also Sal(? He's another f/o for you too right?)

I would struggle a bit doing bonus so I'll just do these three. Thank you sm for asking, Hack! Yes, Sal is my f/o too 💙

Sal is blue and Barbatos is purple

[Fairy]: What kinds of AUs do you imagine you and your f/o in? Are any inspired by classic fairytales?

I sometimes imagine myself and my f/o's to be thrown into other universes and fighting evil there and making the people really confused because for some reason, that idea makes me really happy? I don't usually make AUs, unless you count putting myself in their life and changing the course of the canon story. With Sal, I think I'd like a college AU though. Maybe we're roommates by chance or live right next to each other or we have the same classes and first don't know what to think of the other before we inevitably fall head over heels for the other 👉👈 and with Barbatos, I'd never wanna change that he's a demon, so I think I'd just change the setting in which we meet. Not as th exchange student I mean bit maybe instead I accidently summon him or we meet in the human world and for some reason he can't see my future and gets really interested and tries to figure out why... Or soulmate AUs because im a sucker for that, actually

[Fighting]: What’s one thing that you and your f/o can’t seem to agree on? Do you often debate the topic or choose avoid it?

I struggle to think of anything Sal and I would disagree on? I'm sure there would be small things but nothing we would seriously have a hard time coming to an agreement over after talking about it. With Barbatos I can see us arguing over how much he works though. I know he's a demon and he's been doing his work this way for thousands of years probably but the times are different now, Diavolo has other servants that can clean the whole building as well and Barbatos can do that too of course just not every damn day?? And Diavolo will survive without Barbatos too. He needs some time out and while partially I think this because I'd like to spend more time with him, I'd also like it if Barbatos was just a little bit more selfish and I'd tell it to him just like that. I don't think he'd react very well to it and it'd take quite a while before he gets used to the idea of just... Living his own life instead of constantly serving his master. His devotion is commendable and inspiring, but he should have his own life as well and not give so much of it up for his work. I would bring the topic up every now and then but also let him have time to think about it in between and not push him too much. I can't really ignore disagreements, it would bug me constantly

[Water]: What does a beach day with your f/o look like? Do you go swimming or check out the boardwalk?

If it's a beach where nobody else is, Sal would come into the water too. Crowded beaches are a no-go but the same goes for me so it works out. If there are a few people, Sal would definitely keep his mask on but he could be convinced to splash around in the water as long as he didn't actually have to dive or swim. I think I could make him build a sandcastle with me too 👉👈 with Barbatos I would definitely go to Diavolo's private beach with and I'd push him a bit to come play with me. I think he's a lot more playful than he'd like others to believe with the polite and proper face he puts on all the time. We would have a blanket with treats and homemade iced tea (not too sweet) and he would be adamant that I put on sunscreen - I'd let him put it on me too, if he asks nicely haha (Sal and I would forget and then we'd come home with sunburn on our backs and complain for days about it)

[rin-and-jade]

thank u for answering my ask! I appreciate u. im going to share some of my experience if that’s okay!

It feels like my identity is constantly clashing, like they are fighting for dominance over each other. How I see myself and how I want others to see myself changes. Sometimes I find myself feeling and acting younger, and other times more mature. However, these different states feel like completely different people. Two main ones in particular I’ll give fake names bc anon. I typically define them as Zach being more mature, powerful, maybe angry and sexual and having this whole other aesthetic/likes dislikes/species and age than Ruffy. Ruffy coming off younger, soft and cutesy, also having his own separate aesthetic/likes dislikes/species. Sometimes I feel other ways that I’m not sure if I should attribute to ruffy and Zach or a different identity. They each want the body to look different ways as well.. Their appearances clashing. It leads to confusion about who I am and what I should be like and look like. If I try to use the name Zach if I’m not him, it won’t feel right until he comes back around and I guess takes “control.” It would also feel very wrong for zach to be called ruffy since they are so different. Like calling someone by the wrong name. I can’t force myself to be someone. Sometimes it’s hard to define which I am. I also have nonhuman identities and as a whole I id as non physically nonhuman otherkin/therian but I also wonder if the different nonhumans are similar to ruffy/Zach as in kinda like their own individuals bc it can feel like sometimes each have their own self t them but I’m unsure. Sometimes I also speak in a voice that sounds younger and another like a speech impediment (not on purpose) and people tell me in general my voice is very fluid and changes a lot. idk if that is just something that singlets get or what like why do I have something sounding like a speech impediment and also baby voice that comes and goes

BUT it’s so confusing bc I know singlets can have a lot of different aesthetics and parts of themselves. so I’m rlly not sure if it’s typical singlet behavior of me or if it could indicate something else and systems could relate to this? rn I currently feel a wave of feelings id moreso attribute to Zach or something wash over me.. strong feelings. but those are always there. and also I looked into p-did but I’m unsure how to tell if something is passive influence or full switches if u have any insight on that? and also yea I have dissociation trauma all of that just unsure about amnesia and have absolute no communication with anyone it seems (If anyone is there). I know u can’t dx me !! but idk this is why I asked the question earlier.. is any of this relatable as a system? or like do u have any thoughts/advice or something? I’m going to bring what I said here up to my therapist and see how it goes.. but I can’t help feeling like I’m faking/dramatizing normal behavior. also I’m not sure what “taking control” feels like.. to me if I am switching its more like non possessive switches where “oh now I’m (name) and I’m no longer (other name)” like I will feel like someone else .. is that what a switch can be like?

"is any of this relatable as a system?"

I'd say, yeah it is. No singlet has a huge shift from names to speech or even the gender and having species orientation.

"do u have any thoughts/advice or something?"

I don't have anything else except suggesting you to explore a bit more meanwhile, that won't hurt. Maybe you'll discover something else that can help you.

"is that what a switch can be like?"

What you described sounds close to a normal switch between other alters to become the fronter, but i am not entirely sure because you only provided little details. Non-possessive switch is more like a shift in yourself rather than actually a shift in identity, as in going to a different mood state or energy levels.

- j

[thespacelizard]

The Consequences of a Wilful Tongue

@fluffbruary day 28! we did it gang, we made it through the whole month! im so proud of myself~~ and of course i finish with some Ashenivir/Rizeth fluff, because those boys live in my brain constantly. Up on AO3 here.

In which Ashenivir’s tongue gets carried away.

Rizeth liked to take his time. He was patient, and he was careful, for anticipation was as heady a rush as arousal. Each deliberate movement built moment atop moment, until Ashenivir was a perfectly strung nerve, ready and eager to be plucked. The slow fastening of chain to manacle, soft clinks loud in the heavy bedroom silence. The careful fitting of manacle to wrist, Ashenivir’s skin soft and warm beneath his fingers, his body stretched out perfect and pliant on the—

Ashenivir licked his arm. Rizeth paused with the buckle half-fastened, and turned a cool eye to his Ra’soltha, who wore an expression of innocence that would not have fooled any living thing, and especially did not fool his Master. He waited for some tease to slip from Ashenivir’s lips, but he stayed silent. Rizeth eyed him a moment longer, knowing that despite his stillness, he was squirming internally under such scrutiny.

“Behave,” he murmured, and returned his attention to the manacles. One fastened to the frame now, with a quick tug to confirm it was secure before moving on to the next. He straddled Ashenivir to get to it, because that way he could hold him down with his own bodyweight—Ashenivir liked to struggle in such situations, a very fine pretense at wanting to get away made more delicious by the certain knowledge that there was nowhere else he would rather—

Ashenivir licked his chest. He’d had to strain forwards awkwardly to reach it, and all he got for his troubles was a taste of shirt, yet he was apparently compelled by some uncommon spirit of mischief, for he did it twice in a row. Rizeth remained where he was, perfectly still and silent, and waited.

A third time Ashenivir leaned forwards, and this time bit one of his shirt buttons—it was so quiet in the bedroom that Rizeth heard very clearly the click of his teeth against it. He released it when Rizeth sat back, still that look of false innocence on his face. Rizeth slid a hand into his hair, slow, a warning; Ashenivir twisted his head and licked his wrist, trailing his tongue up Rizeth’s forearm, and managed to get all the way to the inside of his elbow before Rizeth decided he’d had enough.

“What is this mood today?” He yanked Ashenivir’s head to the side, hard enough to make him gasp. “Well?”

“Nothing, Master,” Ashenivir said, clearly fighting a grin.

“That,” Rizeth said, leaning close enough to taste Ashenivir’s quickening breath, “is a blatant lie, Ra’soltha. Are you trying to incite punishment?”

“No, Master,” Ashenivir squirmed under him. “I want to be good.”

“Evidently you do not.”

Rizeth quickly released him from the manacles, his movements now curt and efficient, then dragged him upright by the hair until he was half off the bed and whimpering in pain. There was a beautiful softness to his eyes, Rizeth’s silhouette overwhelming in the darkness of his blown pupils, though still they held the glimmer of resistance that made Rizeth’s blood sing.

This was no longer the time for anticipation, however. Action had its consequence, as Ashenivir well knew. Rizeth hauled him from the bed and shoved him to his knees so that he went sprawling across the floor. The splay of his limbs was unutterably lovely, as was the look of hunger half-hidden beneath the tangle of his hair.

Rizeth gave him half a moment to catch his breath, then caught his hair again and dragged him, protesting, over to the couch. He took a seat, and pulled Ashenivir between his legs—then had to give his hair yet another yank to remind him to put his hands behind his back in their proper position, since it appeared he had forgotten to do so.

“Now, Ra’soltha,” he said, as he unfastened his breeches. “Let us make better use of that wilful tongue of yours.”