#and i don't want to call anyone out specifically because like. this is a multi fandom issue

[serpentinegraphite]

So, first off, this is not an attempt to kink shame (dubcon and noncon are great!) but I do keep seeing a thing in fics (I do NOT see this irl in kink spaces nearly as often) where like. A character will interrupt the flow of the scene to check consent

And I don't mean in an "are we still green?" Or "what's your color?" kind of way, but I mean. The author has tagged the fic and indicated via prose and/or author notes that they are doing their Due Diligence to make sure this fic is Righteously Consensual from top to bottom, No Question About It

And a character will ask for full sexual consent either directly or indirectly or renegotiate the boundaries of the kinks being practiced AFTER the sex acts have already begun.

Here's the thing: horny brain isn't great at making decisions! irl in kink spaces, there's often a lot of emphasis on negotiating BEFORE the scene begins, perhaps even with a space between negotiation and the scene if it's with a new/unfamiliar partner (maybe it's a few minutes while things are set up, maybe the partners negotiate a day or more in advance! It depends!), and not changing the parameters of the scene after someone is already horny or god forbid already in subspace.

Again, these are perfectly fine rules to break in fiction, when the author is aware of it (most characters are not going to be fully familiar with safe, sane, consensual practices and the traffic light system, nor would we want them to be!) but I'm increasingly finding fics where the author DOESN'T seem aware, which takes a normal fic (in-character, with reasonable but perhaps even somewhat dubious practices, which the author isn't emphasizing or preaching about) into Red Flag Territory (a character, OOC, yanking me out of the scene to behave like a PSA about consent instead of conforming to the horny tone of the scene, and perpetuating unsafe practices anyway)

If you are writing a master manipulator or someone who wants to have a gotcha, you totally said it was okay on a character they are trying to bone (which is well in the realm of non/dubcon) that's fine! This PSA is not aimed at you. But if you are trying to write someone who Cares Strongly About Consent, then perhaps be more aware of when is an appropriate time to escalate the situation (sexually speaking) or ask for consent!

[historicity-was-already-taken]

I am posting and responding to this ask anonymously as I don't want anyone harassing its sender. This has already been communicated with the person who sent the ask.

I just want to thank you for being a light in the darkness of anti-semitism, especially on this website. I have found I am on this site a lot less ever since it was made clear that other leftists here are more anti-semitic than we ever knew possible, using very specific wording of our own trauma against us (i.e. saying stuff like "colonialism", "genocide/ethnic cleansing", and calling JEWISH PEOPLE Nazis). It feels like, at best, they know Hamas ≠ All or even most Palestinians, but think that they think all JEWS = Bibi; and at worst, agree with Hamas and think of him as some sort of "freedom fighter". So, thank you from one leftist Jew to another, just trying to keep afloat here. ❤️

You are very welcome; it's certainly been overwhelming, and I'm glad this can be a safe space for you.

I do want to push back on some of this ask, though. Specifically in regard to terms such as "colonialism," "apartheid," "genocide," and "ethnic cleansing."

The use of these terms is not inherently anti-Semitic. For a lot of people, these terms are the best ones they have access to describe what they are seeing. I do think such terms as “colonialism” and “apartheid” are overly simple in regard to the last ~3000 years of Jewish history, and that they cast the situation into an alien historical context which dilutes and uncomplicates the all the historical realities at stake, but I truly do not think that all who use these terms do so to cause Jewish people pain.

Further complicating the picture is that terms like "colonialism" aren’t completely wrong. Modern Zionism arose in the context of mid-nineteenth century European large-scale movements towards nationalism (ie, the creation of nation-states) and away from the multi-national empire. Jews—a subject of anti-Semitism and fifth columnist suspicions within those emergent European nations—reacted to all this by joining the nationalism game.

What’s ironic, is that those European Jews who founded contemporary Zionism were reacting to the exclusion and racial hatred with which Gentile Europeans treated them, and then once they had some settlements in Palestine, they deployed similar variants of racial hatred at both the Palestinian Arab population, and Middle Eastern Jewry.

The existence of a distinct people and ethnic group in Palestine before the aliyot were not something the first generation of Zionists were concerned with. Because they were part of the same shitty, white supremacist, pro-imperialistic intellectual European tradition to which they were responding as victimized parties. As time went on and Zionist thought spread across Ashkenazic communities, we can see some variants. Some forms of far-left Zionism in twentieth century Poland, for example, actively built the presence and rights of Palestinian Arabs into their ideology, some of them actively stating that Zionism could not be a success if it necessitated transforming Palestinian Arabs into a group of secondhand citizens and a cheap source of labor in their own home.

Those leftist strands of Zionism tended to be Socialist/Communist in nature, and centered around the idea of life in Eretz Yisrael as one of a series of self-sufficient communes. Thus when the 1930s hit and things start to go bad, the Zionists we see fleeing to Palestine tended to be of the more centrist and far right variants. The left wing, socialist movements, already operating as a collective, had a membership uncomfortable with fleeing to safety while the rest remained behind.

And that same socialist/communal attitude, is why those variants of Zionist thought never made it into the Israeli political mainstream; most of their members and proponents were murdered in the Holocaust in part because they refused to leave their comrades behind. The General Zionists and Zionist Revisionists who rode out the years of the Holocaust in Palestine therefore already had access to the avenues of power which would become important in 1948, when the British Empire shrugged off its responsibilities towards the regions it colonized and destabilized.

Now, as for ethnic cleansing. I can’t sugar-coat this: that’s what the Naqba was. It was ethnic cleansing of Palestinian Arabs from their homes to make way for the Jewish State. The manipulative shit (but still somehow extremely prestigious) youth group I was in taught us that Arabs call it Naqba because they hate Jews and therefore existence of Jews in the Southern Levant was a tragedy, as was the fact that Hitler didn't finish the job.

That’s garbage: it’s called the Naqba because it was ethnic cleansing. And that's not the fault of the Holocaust survivors who made their way to Mandatory Palestine/Israel in the late 1940s--they lacked political power, and were often looked down upon by those who did; the Holocaust as part of Israeli National Mythology wasn't an immediate Thing.

If you spent your formative years around older Jewish folks of A Certain Generation, whose trauma has pretty much placed a permanent block on their ability to see some of what went down in 1948 for what it was, I can’t blame you for having that gut/cognitive dissonance reaction to the use of “ethnic cleansing” in the context of Israel and Palestine. I know those older folks. I loved them. They’re mostly gone now, and I miss them terribly. But their trauma-induced view of everything lives on in the ability of some younger Jews to properly name and understand what it is that happened in 1948.

It was ethnic cleansing.

Further, not only were Palestinian Arabs ethnically cleansed, but the Middle Eastern and North African (MENA) Jews who were forced by their governments to flee their homes of thousands of years and seek refuge in Israel throughout the second half of the twentieth century…the Western and Central European Jews in control of Israel and its institutions treated them like shit too. Hadassah actively stole the babies of Yemeni Jews, told the parents that their children were dead, and rehomed them to Ashkenazic couples. There were death certificates. Members of the Ethiopian Jewish community were forcibly sterilized, and their ongoing treatment by the State is racist and generally atrocious. And this analysis of the relationship between the Israel State, MENA Jewish populations, and different Ashkenazic groups in Israel is horribly short and overly simple.

As for genocide. I honestly don’t know. I do know many people, who are very much not Anti-Semites, who are calling what’s happening in Gaza right now genocide; many of these people are also Jewish. I know many others who refer to the experiences of Palestinians between 1948 and now as a slow genocide. Many of these people are also actively not anti-Semites, and many of them are Jewish.

So these terms, as uncomfortable as they may feel for people within the very specific Jewish generational background I believe we share, are not deployed as anti-Semitic weapons. Nazi comparisons? Yes. Swastikas superimposed over the Star of David? Yes. Very specific hook-nosed Jewish caricatures in relation to Israelis? Yes. Blood libel shit? Yes. These are all anti-Semitic, and are deployed to hurt and retraumatize Jewish people. But the rest are not nearly that simple.

And I didn’t learn this from like, Bad Evil Post-Modern Academics at Columbia University Who Hate Jews; I learned this from doing graduate-level work in the field of Modern Jewish History, and working in Jewish archives; this did not come from outside the building.

Now, as for Hamas as freedom fighters…that’s ignorant at best. Hamas’ charter clearly calls for the global destruction of the Jewish people [ETA: they edited this part out in 2017 for PR purposes], and their actions as rulers are horrifically, violently, homophobic, and seem to be more abut provoking Israel than they are about governing and protecting their people. But as you said, Hamas isn’t all Palestinians, and it’s also not all Palestinians who consider themselves freedom fighters. (A second reader of mine had the following commentary on this paragraph: "Might need a bit more complication around Hamas? I know that's not your area of expertise but it's worth mentioning that they were basically set up to undermine the PLO and what would become the Palestinian Authority in the West Bank. You're right that they aren't representative of all Palestinian thought and resistance, and that they are on some fuck shit.")

So while I’m so glad that blog is a comfort to you, I encourage you to also take a step into some of your discomfort, and ask yourself where it comes from.

No one reading this post has my consent to use it to silence other Jewish people who are in different stages of their journey towards understanding how generational trauma has impacted their ability to grasp all of this. Further, if you choose to attack me for gently calling my people in, you're a piece of shit and I will be mean to you.

[broomsick]

any tips for starting out when working with deities?

Hi, friend! Thank you for the ask, and sorry for the late reply. I've posted tips for beginners many times in the past, most of which you can find via links in this post. But now, since we're talking about working with deities more specifically, I'll list a few quick tips in a point form!

The golden rule to deity work, in my opinion, is respect. Everyone interacts with their deities with varying amounts of familiarity, but one quality always remains no matter the worshipper, and that is respect. But that goes without saying, right? 'Treat others how you want to be treated' makes no exceptions, even with non-human entities.

To me, the first step to respecting a deity is acknowledging their depth and multi-faceted nature. Mythological sources may describe this or that deity as the 'God of this or that', but in the context of religion, they are much more. The believer views the God as more than a mythological figure, but as a complex existing being.

For this reason, another tip I'll give is to get to know them. Learn as much as you can about them, and never stop learning. Not only about the deity/deities themselves, but also (and I think it's crucial not to neglect this!) about the cultural context in which they were first worshipped. I can't stress enough how big of a difference this makes when it comes to understanding a God. If you're interested, I've linked here a few of my favorite sources pertaining to nordic cultures, religions and history!

To me, offerings are not transactional. That is just my own belief, of course, but I don't adhere to the idea that 'one must give to the Gods in order to earn blessings and vice versa'. Paganism is not a trade market, but rather a way to experience spirituality. I believe in making offerings when you can, if you can, as a gesture of gratitude and not as a way to somehow 'earn blessings'. As a pagan, you do not "owe" anything to the Gods they do not "owe" you anything either.

Do not be afraid to simply spend time with them. While we may not always feel their presence, you can have faith in the fact that they watch over you. And for this reason, it's perfectly okay for you to sit down at your altar, or in the outdoors, to simply talk to them, symbolically sharing a drink/meal, telling them of your troubles or of how they inspire you. Developing this habit can help make you feel connected to a deity, even on a tight schedule, or during times when you feel disconnected from your spirituality.

In the same vein, it can be fulfilling and fun for you to dedicate certain activities to a deity of your choice! For example, practicing your instrument in honor of Bragi, or hiking in honor of Jörð, etc... What's more, whenever you dedicate an activity to a deity, you can invite them to partake in it, as I've described in this previous post!

Start to notice what things in your life reminds you of them. Maybe a certain smell? Or a song? What animals, meals, stories of else bring this deity to mind? Either because of the similar feeling they instill in you, or because you think this or that deity might enjoy them.

As a beginner, you needn't feel bad about how many deities you work with, or which deities you reach out to (so long as they are not part of a closed practice). I've always thought it weird how in some books centered around witchcraft, they'll rank deities in order of 'how experienced you need to be to reach out to them'. If you want my own honest opinion, anyone is free to reach out to any deity. No God is more difficult to work with than others. It all comes down to the individual, their values and the way they choose to work with the deity in question. I'm also not a big fan of such sources encouraging calling out to a deity during a ritual/spell like they're a tool for a magical working, if the practionner doesn't plan to really get to know them. But that's a topic for another day.

It can be greatly fulfilling as well to simply ponder a deity from time to time. What do they teach you? What can you learn from their example? What do they represent in your life? I listed in this post a few ideas of questions to ask yourself in order to better understand a deity and their presence in your life.

Take it step by step, day by day, and don't feel bad if you think you've made a mistake. We are all constantly learning. The Gods know we are human, and they reflect us in that way: they themselves have their strengths and weaknesses.

I hope this helps, but please do keep in mind that these are all my personal views on paganism, and that not every practionner will resonate with them. In any case, don't hesitate to ask if you have any other question(s) regarding practice or belief in the nordic path. Have a good day, my friend.

[genericpuff]

I finally, FINALLY found a shred of proof that Rachel depicted Persephone before 2017/Tumblr era LO.

Now does this confirm that Greek myth was, in fact, a big part of her childhood like she claims? Not entirely, considering she would have been the age I am now when she drew this, nearing her 30's. But it's more than what I've seen leading up to this where it's all been Tumblr-era-LO art. This seems to be purely for a zine that I unfortunately can't get my hands on a copy of due to it being very outdated and likely out of print (as it's a decade old now). Still, I'm tempted to reach out to the people who run the site to see if they still have any copies floating around, even if it's just a digital PDF version, otherwise, if anyone out there happens to have a copy of it (this is a LOOONG shot mind you) let me know because I'd love to see this zine in person and know what was going on in the development of it. More specifically, I wanna see if she included any sort of blurb about her choice to draw Persephone, if it was even an actual choice at all. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm deadset on Rachel having to "prove" herself, but a lot of her statements H x P seem to be quite vague for someone who calls them her "muses".

But also, besides the fact that it involves Rachel, this is the sort of media preservation that I'm really interested in! This Persephone is a far cry from the final version we'd later see in LO half a decade later, it's really interesting (although sad in some ways when we know why LO Persephone looks the way she does) to see the transition and changes in a tangible form. And again, it's really odd Rachel never mentions these works, like sure they weren't multi-million dollar hits, but they still showcase a history that pre-exists LO in a pretty monumental way, and some of these projects were incredibly collaborative with actual success behind them, including artists that went on to build their own followings and communities! It's so interesting and yet so bizarre that some of these projects are kept behind locked doors. I can get wanting to bury the more 'cringe' stuff like the medical fetish art, but why stuff like this that only stands to legitimize the claims that Rachel cares about Greek myth?

Unless... y'know, she doesn't want people to see how far her art style has fallen. But that's tinfoil for another day.

[rin-and-jade]

Job Roulette.. or Not: A Post about Alter Roles

Roles like Hosts? Protectors?.. maybe a Cleaner? an Academic?.. why is there an alter who comes out only for driving?! What about these other alters who don't really do much--they got to have one right??

--Are probably what you might be thinking when this topic comes up. But, there's something more into it,, it's not all about what job or how the role is assigned to an alter only.

Well, for this post, lets talk EVERYTHING about how roles work, what kinds exist, why it's there?? And especially, why are some more task specific, multi-role, or even... none? Bowl straight to the point, let's roll out. Haha punny

Ok J, spill. What are they?

Hold on. Im pulling out this dictionary definition of it--ah!

"defined positions that are associated with given responsibilities and are usually allocated according to the position or ability of each person."

To put it in system terms, it's how different parts can do something that others couldn't, or, feel a sense of responsibility in one particular aspect. That's making sense right? But oh.. you still want to know why they're there at the first place. Fine, follow me!

Yeah, show me why!

As aforementioned, this disorder boxes up our different parts of selves with amnesia and weaker bonds of connection which really sets us back on easing our 'modes' for different situations.. not only that, a part's moods and state/personality can greatly affect what kinds of jobs they get, it's not so random as you'd thought.

So, thing is, because some alters have a distinguished ability capable in doing something, depending what fragment or pre-existing knowledge/experience it holds, that can become it's very own job task.

They can be hereditary (upon split or formed), gained (fuse or passed traits), or even learnt (by its own commitment, without any prior skills). Roles come from many origins, and none of them are so different.

But, some are more complex..

I get it, some can have more than one, have ultra specific ones, or literally just don't have any. Now it makes you think--if it was from predisposed strengths each alters naturally have, then why are some more niche? or like, anything else? I know why:

Our brains are complex alright. We both can think maybe we can do (even if we don't like it) and not do something, and these are all compartmentalized in each alters, so basically its part feelings, part acceptance of such trait, and part commitment as the formula. Even confidence or the call to action affects this outcome!

This can apply to who can handle more than one jobs, or for those who are more specific or lesser known roles. In fact, roles do not have any limits, they are specifically tailored for your functionality so don't fret if you have an alter who's job is only to sleep, or anything else 'silly' !

What about the ones without.. roles?

Do you think it feels wrong to not have roles? While it is true that roles are needed, they're not actually a required standard for everyone to have a job task. Mainly, ANP's are the one who usually have roles, but EP's can too.

If they do not have a role, they might be disinterested or think they don't have any potential, or sometimes they're only there to hold memories / don't have the qualified skill sets, and thats okay! You can take proactive action in anyhow you'd like, just remember, every parts aren't forced to contribute, you know? It doesn't make them useless, maybe more on passive support/back ups.

I've also seen some systems who don't really have roles because the alters are all well-rounded, as in pick up other's tasks and that they're not assigned/compelled to do a particular job at all times, like being flexible. everyone's different!

Make sense, anything else?

Well, that we are not bound to roles, they do not define us, and that we can lose, or change roles according to our growth. Have anyone ever mentioned that?

Im aware that we tend to put too much emphasis on having jobs and being contributive, but the most important thing to keep in mind is that we all in this together, and to help each other, in a way or another.

Never forget that you're more than your job! Maybe try to enjoy other parts of life, yeah?

--

Thats the end of the post. What will you do if you find a new alter with no impressions of having a role? How do you see roles in your own pov? What's the first thing you'd do if you were to be free from your job task, if any? Feel free to let me know, i hope this has been informative, im willing to add anything if something's missing!

- j

[bellaxgiornata]

OMG—I wanna ask the boys for sure—what is their inner animal (respectively) that THEY think they have versus what you think for them, vs what they would assign for each other???

🤣🤣🤣

#letthechaosbegin

If you wanted chaos with this internal dialogue, you certainly found it 😅 The moment I read this ask, two of the boys immediately started causing trouble which is why it took a bit to get this answered 😆 As always, it's below the cut because this was long.

Bella: Welcome back to another round of ASK THE BOYS!!

Matt, muttering under his breath: Always got to yell that now, don't you?

Frank, roughly elbowing Matt on the couch: Let the lady have her fun, would ya?

Michael, ignoring the pair beside him: What's the question this time, pet?

Bella, glancing down at her phone: Looks like a multi-part question dealing with what your inner animals are.

Frank, eyes narrowing: Inner animal?

Bella: Yeah, and it looks like they want to know what I think each of you are, what you think your inner animal is, and then what you think each others’ inner animal is.

Frank, chuckling to himself: This'll be good.

Michael: Why don't ya start us off then, pet? Might need a minute to think.

Bella: Okay, well. I guess for Frank I'd say timber wolf. The Punisher gives me lone wolf vibes, but before that you used to be a part of a pack–whether it was your family or your Marine unit. And timber wolves typically mate for life, too, which screams loyal to me. I think you're a pretty loyal person–and pretty damn terrifying if someone messes with those you care about. So yeah. Wolf vibes all around.

Frank, nodding: Alright. Guess I can see that.

Bella: And for Matt, since he gives cat vibes, I'd say a leopard. Specifically a black panther. They're solitary animals, very territorial, and they're great climbers. Sort of like how you work alone, defend Hell’s Kitchen specifically despite it being such a small area, and you climb buildings like nobody's business. Plus, you know, the black suit and all.

Matt, grinning: Better than what I thought you'd pick.

Bella: And as for Mikey, well, I get grizzly bear vibes.

Michael, rolling his eyes: Is this a reference to the beard and chest hair again?

Bella, shaking her head: Not exactly, though now that you mention it–

Michael, mumbling: Figures…

Bella: No, wait! Hear me out. Grizzly bears are actually not aggressive unless provoked or caught off guard, otherwise they kind of mind their own business and want to be left alone. But obviously they'll protect their young and would savagely tear you apart if you fucked with them. I mean, we all know you don't want to be the killer your family forces you to be, you'd rather get out and live a quiet life. You just want a relationship with your daughter, Anna. But if anyone messed with her, you'd absolutely kill them without a second thought.

[Michael, running a hand across his mouth and humming thoughtfully.]

Bella, gently nudging his leg with a foot: See? There was a reason besides your glorious chest hair.

Matt, brows furrowing together: Glorious chest hair? Did you just actually say that?

Bella, waving off his comment: Okay, so why don't you guys each say what you think your inner animal is before you choose for each other next?

Frank, shrugging: I like the wolf thing. I'll go with that.

Matt, nodding: Yeah, I think I'll stick with the panther idea you had.

Bella, frowning: Seriously? You aren't even going to give it any more thought? [Looking hopefully over at Michael.] Please tell me you're not just going to say grizzly bear now?

Michael, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck: Uh, no. I s'pose…a dog? Generally don't fight unless provoked and they're usually considered friendly?

Bella, releasing a sigh: Fine. At least you put in more effort than those two. Now what do you think each others’ inner animal is?

Frank, immediately tossing a thumb at Matt: Chimpanzee. He's always climbing on buildings and making too much noise with his mouth.

Matt, frowning: It's called talking, Frank.

Frank, leaning back into the couch: More like chimpanzee noises to me. And they're territorial, too.

Michael, quietly chiming in: I'd still say stray cat for him.

Matt, frowning: Well then Frank is a hippo. Large and incredibly aggressive.

Frank, turning and shooting Matt a dirty look: The fuck you call me?

[Bella, burying her face in her hands while Frank and Matt begin to bicker on the couch.]

Michael, once more quietly chiming in: I picture him as more of a hawk. Or an eagle. Kinda stalks his prey from a distance before takin’ his shot.

Bella, glancing up at him: Well thank you for making some level of effort here while the old married couple over there just fights.

Matt, glowering: We are not an old married couple!

Frank, scowling: He's the last goddamn person I'd wanna be shackled to.

Bella, annoyed: Can we get back on track? You still need to pick an animal for Mikey.

Matt and Frank simultaneously: Dog.

Bella, throwing her hands up in defeat: Wow, really making an effort, you two. Great job.

Frank, rounding on Matt again: Look what you did, Red. You went and upset her.

Matt, eyebrows rising up onto his forehead: Me? You're the one not taking her game seriously!

[Matt and Frank return to arguing.]

Bella, focusing on Michael: You want a coffee? Cause I could use a coffee. They're making my head hurt.

Michael, nodding and rising from the couch: Yes. I'd love one.

Bella, heading to the kitchen with Michael: So what would my inner animal be?

Michael, nervously making a face: Uh…well…

Bella, shaking her head: Nevermind. Forget I asked. Let's just make some coffee.

[pandasleepy07]

ComfortSwiss!Reader

Inspired by @skele-bunny

Nightmares of your days in the pit had become regular, espically when the moon was full, and glaring down at you from your window. A multi-ghoul wasn't natural. You're not natural. Words of the pit followed you topside. Nothing, no one could shake them.

Tonight was no different. You had taken to walking in the halls at night. No destination in mind. Just walking. Restlessness followed the darkness of the night. It was too similar to the darkness of the pit. You silently cursed not having the element of fire. That could at least keep some of the darkness at bay. This time you had wandered down a different hall, not paying enough attention to your surroundings, but the scent that lingered in the hall, was strangely familiar, a mix of varying scents. The ghouls den.

You blinked at the realization and then turned to head back, before realizing you didn't know how to get back to the ghoulettes gen. The Abbey had been built like a maze. "Fucks sake," you whisper, rubbing your face. Instinct told you to go to Mountain's room, knock, and ask for help. He wouldn't mind. But you didn't want to wake him up. So instead you looked around. A warm flicker of light came out from under a door, you stepped closer, and the familiar smell of cedar embers, and leather. A scent that's so distinctly Swiss.

You don't think about it, but in the blink of an eye, you're standing in front of his door, your hand raised to knock. But what if I'm bothering him? What if he doesn't want to help? What if-

Your thoughts are interrupted by the door opening, and Swiss' cocky smirk appearing in front of you. "Well, well, well... Look who's caving into the lift of the 3-week intimate ban."

Your brow wrinkles in confusion. "Huh? No... that's- that's not it," you whisper, your voice shaky.

Confusion flashes across his face for a moment. It's rare to catch the multi ghoul off guard. He takes a moment to study you, like really study you, and notices the bags under your eyes, the way you're slumped slightly, the tired skittishness about your appearance.

"Can't sleep?" he guesses quietly, his demeanor softening.

You nod slightly, but avoid the reason why. "I just need help getting back to the ghoulette den. I- I can't sleep at night, so I walk, and I just got lost this time. I don't know how I ended up here, or how to get back. And the dark feels constricting."

"Too much like the pit."

Swiss' words are quiet, a silent understanding flickering in his eyes.

"Yeah..." you mumble, your arms coming around you as if to protect yourself in a bear hug.

"Why can't you sleep?" he asks softly.

"Memories of the pit keep coming back."

"Ah, I see... Anything specific? Or just the pit in general?"

"The pit, and the disgusted looks, the whispered words, the shunning just because I was a multi," you whisper. "A disgrace."

His eyes soften and he pulls you into a gentle hug. "I know. Some people can't handle the idea of multis. They think we're freaks. They think that we're just abominations in the flesh. I've received the looks too."

"How did you get through it?"

He sighed. "You don't want to know."

"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't want to know."

A pause, before a quiet, ashamed mumble. "Sex. S'was the only way anyone showed affection."

"Oh." What else could you say to that?

"But you didn't, did you?" he murmured. "You didn't sell your body to feel that."

"No," you breathe. "I didn't."

"Good."

"I still hate it. I hate that every time I close my eyes, all I see are the looks. That all I hear are the whispers. Even if I know I'm not alone. I hate that you went through it too."

He tightens his grip around you ever so slightly as he holds you close, his voice soft and comforting in your ear. "I know. But listen to me. It's over now, okay? You're with us now. You're with me. And I swear to you that nobody is going to hurt you or call you names. You're safe. You aren't a disgrace. You aren't a mistake. You're as beautiful as the stars, darling. They can't see that you're worth more than they are combined." He whispers the words he wishes someone had told him years ago. The words he needed to hear. Even now. "You don't deserve this. You don't deserve to be haunted by the past. Okay?"

"If I'm safe, why can't I sleep?" You whisper into his chest, as his arms tighten around you.

He lets out a soft sigh and begins gently rubbing your back with a hand, the other still holding you close to him, trying to comfort and soothe you. "Memories can haunt you. I know that all too well. But you're not going to let them win, okay? You're stronger than they are. Do you want to sleep here tonight?" His voice is soft as he gently kicks his door open a little wide, letting the light from his fireplace and the candles lit across the room, seep out into the hallway.

"I don't want to intrude," you murmur, looking down.

He tilts your head up to look at him, his eyes meeting yours. "Hey, you wouldn't be intruding, okay? I'm offering. Come on, you need to get some sleep. And I know a way I can get you to sleep if you trust me."

"How-"

He chuckled softly, a cheeky grin on his face. "Come on. You'll see. But first, you gotta trust me. I promise no funny business. I just want to help you get some sleep. Just let me change the sheets."

A small laugh falls from your lips. That's a promise you never thought you'd hear Swiss make. Espically considering all the times you've seen him bite the other ghouls, playfully of course.

"Okay," you whisper.

He smiles a soft and genuine one. One you've only seen him give Aurora when she brings him his favorite pastries. You walk in hestaintly as he moves to the bed, and strips it before quickly changing the sheets. When you offer to help, he tutts, and waves you to go and sit on one of the couches, telling you that it's not your mess. It's everyone's mess but yours. You can only sigh and comply, moving to sit on the couch. Not that the couch would be any cleaner.

He changes the sheets quickly, tossing the soiled ones down the laundry chute and putting clean ones down on the bed. He grabs fresh comforters from the closet and a few fuzzy blankets, arranging them carefully before fluffing his pillows.

"Come on. Lay down and close your eyes. I got this okay?"

You get up and carefully climb onto the bed, settling near the edge, nervously.

He chuckled a little bit and shook his head at your position, his hand going to grab your waist as he carefully pulled you closer to the middle of the bed. "You seriously want to try and fall off? Scoot closer, idiot."

You huff out a breath but allow him to move you, relaxing as his normal lighthearted demanor comes out again.

He smiles, a satisfied sigh falling from his lips as he wraps an arm around you, pulling you against his chest. This other hand went to gently brush through your hair, his voice soft and gentle. "There we go. That's better, right? Just relax and close your eyes a bit for me."

He watches as your eyes slowly flutter shut, his hand still gently brushing through your hair. Then he shifts slightly, adjusting so that he's on his back, and your head is on his chest, his heartbeat thrumming against your ear. "Good. Just like that. Now just listen. Try and match my breathing, yeah? In and out. In... out. Just focus on it."

You do, and the combination of his soft voice, his hand in your hair, andhis heartbeat in your ear, lulls you off to a peaceful slumber for the first time in weeks.

It doesn't take long for this to become a daily tradition. Swiss clears his nights for you, aranging for his fun to happen well in advance so he can change the sheets. The rest of the pack notice, but no one comments on it. Not when Swiss seems to have found a piece of himself again. No one dares to break it.

[tempestvista]

spoiler warnings for TMA

There is a decent possibility that I am going to eat my words if anything changes greatly since I have not fully finished TMA (Iirc I'm in the middle of season 4? I've been on pause for a bit though so I need to find my place again)

But can I just say how frustrating it is that like everyone villainizes Jonathan Sims in the fandom lmao?? Especially without even considering him and his character + character development as a part of his multi-faceted person and instead just dumbing him down to a one dimensional evil guy who they can also ship with others because ui ui sexo sexo

Now there are obvious things/reasons to dislike him. Namely, the stalking of his employees, which, I don't think I need to explain why is problematic and gross.

But the things I see listed as points against Jonathan Sims are often just… Side effects of him being non-consensually turned into a monster by a deeply calculating man who has a plethora of more knowledge from the get-go and far more manipulation over the situation than Jon himself? ''He killed innocent people!!'' Alright, so did multiple of the other characters?? Like a lot of them, actually?? That's. A really common theme??????????? An overarching pattern (in my analysis/eyes anyhow) in TMA is that literally almost no one gets a happy ending and usually the ones who ''do'' are based in the suffering of others + they've been turned

It just actually infuriates me when I see the "he killed innocent people'' argument without anyone acknowledging how it is near impossible to fight your nature as an avatar and again, really, really loosely saying here because I do not fully recall, but it seems like going against that nature can and WILL kill you. And you can call it selfish, but really, who WOULDN'T want to die? A lot of people have both a conscious and primal instinct to, you know, LIVE.

And again, also not acknowledging that multiple others have done the same.

Also, I see people either justify or entirely ignore the fact that at some point he was being utterly demeaned and belittled by everyone around him. If he wasn't being manipulated by Elias, he was being avoided by Martin, Melanie making cruel digs, being hovered over also by any given person, and generally having petty to hateful comments tossed at him by MOST individuals on any day at any hour. I acknowledge my bias and love for him really does jump out in this, but it also does make me mad that no one seems to care for the fact that he is ALSO a victim. He's a victim of manipulation, of being groomed into being an avatar (at least in my eyes), of being harmed by multiple entities and having lasting marks and impacts from each of them, of being falsely accused of murder (and everyone he knew at the time BELIEVING he was guilty), of being kidnapped/held hostage (MORE THAN ONCE), having to witness literal ghosts/bodies/skins of previous people he knew be lifted around and surrounding him talking about how he's a failure, a bad person, a bad archivist, the worst of the worst- which I cannot IMAGINE the nightmares that that situation would breed. Genuinely just sit and think about that for a moment. Also, as far as the Unknowing and any harm derived from that situation, if we're talking specifically about Sims again, he also had to live with the fact afterward that he was the reason Tim got killed. He has to live with the fact that he was so overwhelmed by everything and the manipulation of Nikola + the Stranger that when he came out of it, Tim had to be the one to end it because Jon failed to. He has to live with Tim being gone, and the fault of it weighing down on him. That is something that I do think one can blame him for (if I am recounting this all correctly). I wanted to bring this up in specific because Survivors guilt is very real and that whole ordeal and blaming must have been something beyond harrowing. He had to realize a thing was basically marching around in the corporeal idea of Sasha and that it WASN'T. HER. Of course this whole podcast is centered around being a nightmare, which is why I find it important to acknowledge the impacts of the nightmare on the people who very much are experiencing them!! And on a continued basis!! Living in that consistent traumatizing environment, developing hypervigilance, watching people drop like flies around you, like. holy shit man. Being traumatized, being threatened by what seems like fate itself at times, and also being used as a pawn for a massive scheme which he didn't even know was a thing. He used to have a life prior to all the world-ending, supernatural, lovecraftian horror stuff that became his new normal.

I know a lot of people would bash the ''I'm a victim too!'' card, but I really don't think that is an easy dismissal here because he just legitimately is.

That, and the people who villainize him also get really.. weird? At times? Like I know this is no longer an uncommon opinion - at least I hope not, but I don't really interact with TMA fandom at all besides liking, reblogging and saving fanart + fics- But people really just tend to make him into this gross or just. Absolutely downright awful human being (occasionally fetishizing his very nature even sometimes) and then Martin is the cutesy innocent person who has never done a single thing wrong in his life, Tim is the sexy hot bisexual who would fuck anything from a lamp-pole to eight mothmen, and Sasha is some demure, sweet and lovely little thing who only exists as just another background person in the polychives.

I can't say I've really seen that characterization of Sasha often thankfully… but that's also because some people straight up forget she was a vital character at one point lol (and I confess I'm not deeply attached to her so the art I save of her is usually secondary/included in other fanart)

I know some of this is redundant, and I am certain that if my memory wasn't so in and out as it is (especially as of late, the dissociation has been… bad, topic for another day, anywho-) I would be able to make more points against the things I've seen, but this is just one facet I really felt like addressing, since I think almost no one is innocent in TMA and harping on Jon specifically is … honestly pointless?? And bland/low hanging fruit as far as the conversation goes? Like big whoop, he's a monster, so is a majority of the characters in TMA? Lmfao??

All in all I say this without aggression or targeted vitriol. I hope people understand I am allowed to be angry at words without hating and/or wishing harm upon the people who say them /npa gen

And if someone happens to see this and has something to contribute, or a point to be made against me, I will gladly listen and engage! I like when people show me my errors, it gives me more perspectives. (Not intended arrogantly, genuine).

I do want it to be clear though that just because this is something I would love to discuss if anyone actually DOES - that doesn't mean I'm accepting of petty spats or arguments.

[mixelation]

reborn au notes to self on minato's thought process for team 4

so, i'm thinking that minato has been working on the chunin exam mission for like. years. he doesn't super care about the show of unity a joint chunin exam would signal, but his public image is very "nice young guy with progressive ideas" so it seems in character. ibiki is the biggest asset he never got out of iwa in post-war negotiations, both in terms of value and because he's like. a whole ass human. he even offered to let iwa send a team to konoha's exams but they didn't bite.

so when iwa relents and says he can send a team to their exams, minato is pretty sure this is the one chance they're going to get for access to iwa for a very long time. itachi is technically a genin and also within the age range iwa gave him (they gave an age-cap SPECIFICALLY to reduce the chance of minato sending highly experienced genin who could cause shit) (hilarious), so itachi is picked first.

the problem is..... itachi's, like.......... personality??? no one likes working with him. within anbu the biggest appeal of having him as your captain is his insane mission completion ratio, but he's known to push people and then be mean about it and then also, he's 13 so you just end up humiliated. he makes insane calls and is then bad at receiving feedback about it because, very unfortunately, he's almost always right.

minato doesn't care about the suffering itachi will inflict on a jounin senei. but he does care about not royally fucking over the other two genin, so he needs genin that can handle itachi's personality and a jounin with a strong enough personality to not let him get under their skin/walk all over them (because itachi is significantly better than 99% of jounin and knows it), because the jounin still needs to be able competently teach the other two students. oh, also it needs to be someone who can work a multi-person transportation seal, because even itachi is like "yeah i could MAYBE solo this mission by just walking in and out with Ibiki under a genjutsu, but also there's so many variables that the chances of getting caught are higher than i'd like." minato is confident there's enough time itachi could be taught to help with the seal, but it's pretty complex and it needs to working exactly right the first time, so the other person needs to be someone who already knows it or has a solid background in fuinjutsu.....

.....and that basically leaves ONLY KUSHINA* even though he doesn't want to send her (one part she's his beloved wife and one part she's the JINCHURIKI) and he's not sure iwa would even let her in

*there's probably a handful of others, like kakashi, but we'll say they're either doing important other things or he doesn't think they can do the part where they have to competently teach two genin AND coral itachi (kakashi could probably coral itachi but maybe not then ALSO deal with teaching random other children). kushina could coral a rampaging tailed beast AND she's been pestering him for a team

on the flip side, kushina has a hiraishin seal incorporated into her bijuu seal, which is designed to be hidden so it'll pass any tests iwa does to prevent them from brining in a hiraishin (because this is every village's biggest fear and why minato is never getting invited to anyone's chunin exams). if shit REALLY goes down she can just summon him

i think the most elegant approach is planting a hiraishin seal and then minato doing the extraction himself, but that's not the best move for PLOT so i think i'll have him decide that this is also too risky... like the team getting caught risks war, but minato getting caught in iwa or even anyone just getting caught with/making a hiraishin seal basically guarantees war*

*no one told tori this

anyway his initial plan is kushina + itachi + two random genin who don't even get told there's an underlying mission and that itachi is ex-anbu. and then tori and deidara fall into his lap, and itachi himself is like "what about them"

I'm not sure how much time they get together as a team before the chunin exam. originally i was thinking six months to a year but now i'm leaning towards more like three. i like cutting the time down because i think completing this mission sort.... solidifies tori and deidara as konoha, both in their eyes and everyone else's.

this also means minato doesn't quite comprehend how insane both of them are until AFTER he's mentally sorted them into "konoha's precious genin." would he have recruited them if he'd KNOWN deidara might blow up a city block out of boredom or tori would would churn out forbidden jutsu at a rate that could rival tobirama? no he fucking wouldn't have. but now he's stuck with them. his wife keeps having them over for dinner. "i think you're favoring your wife's team by all this one-on-one attention you give them, and it's not fair to--" YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

[doberbutts]

I typed this whole thing up but they re-blocked me after they posted another rant on another one of my posts so;

That is absolutely not everything you said, and you know it.

You did start it with Avi, whether you believe it counts or not. You posted several multi-paragraph posts mentioning him directly by name. Even if you don't tag someone, they can still see it in their name tag if they search their name through tumblr's search function. Yes, even if you block them. Yes, even if they've blocked you. I can say that for certain because there are people in my name tag right now who I know for sure I have blocked and I also can still see when they talk about me if they put my username in their post.

He found your posts about him through this, not by circumventing your block but because he can see when you type out his username in your posts. So there is no "he went around my block to see it" because he wasn't even aware there was beef between you until after he found your posts about him- he's stated a few times that he used to be mutuals with you and didn't even realize you'd blocked him until recently. You did start it. And he was, understandably, upset about it, and posted about it on his blog.

Additionally, some of the things you've said regarding him- and Israeli Jews in general- are pretty antisemitic. It is not antisemitic to call out the atrocities and genocide that Israel is performing on Palestine- something Avi himself has said over and over again. However, there are people who are using antisemitic language or using the conflict as an excuse to be antisemitic, and that is where his problem is. Just as he also posted calling for justice for those affected by anti-arab and Islamophobic violence stemming from conflict.

And it's not like that's not true, that people are being antisemitic and using this conflict as an excuse, or even that people are being antisemitic to him and using this conflict as an excuse. He's gotten plenty of harassment coming from people straightup lying about him to justify it, and has posted it on his blog for others to see, so it's not like he's making it up. He also has posted about what he's doing within his local community, mourning with those who have lost loved ones, and how to provide aid to those trapped in Gaza. He's posted critiquing both the Israeli and the US government.

What more exactly do you want from him here? And why does he have to be A Good Jew in order to have his complaint of antisemitism be heard? Because you've decided he's white, when historically even "white" European Jews were not considered white by antisemitic governments? Didn't we just have a black celebrity get in trouble for saying exactly that? Because you've decided he's white, when more accurately he's multi-ethnic regarding one side of his family being entirely comprised of non-white Jews and the other side still not Ashkenazi, which he's publicly posted about? Because you've decided he's white, when whiteness and Judaism has always been a fraught conversation?

Certainly you understand that equating a population to the very same people that want to exterminate them and have tried before with relative success is always going to be an incendiary topic, and that the people you accuse of doing this are going to be upset when they see it?

I'm not lying for anyone, and besides my white Jewish bestie is a woman. I'm not his trained monkey though, since that seems to be the implication. I just think your behavior is poor and I think you do a lot of inflammatory blogging, which is why I didn't often reblog from you in the first place.

I am, though, sort of wondering why you are so focused on this one specific Jewish guy who has stated over and over again that he wants peace in the region and he wants the innocents living there to stop being killed. Is it because he said he doesn't want the Jewish people who want peace currently living there to be expelled? A lot of Palestinians don't want that either. And I think it's weird to be harassing a Jewish guy who has repeatedly said he wants peace, just because he wants peace in a way you personally find unsatisfying.

[thebluestockingfirefly]

There are a lot of things I could say right now. A lot of emotions roiling and punching and screaming to be vocalized. But I don't have the strength right now to articulate all of that. What I will say is this.

I'm a disabled woman. I've been disabled nearly all of my life. I had severe chronic kidney infections requiring multi-weekly injections from the time I was three months old until I was four and a half, when I had major surgery - without which, I'd be dead by now. I bear scars and an undersized kidney and the gratefulness I didn't almost die from giardia like my sister. I had about a year and a half between recovering from my surgery and starting to get sick again; in that time, I won the Presidential Fitness Award, played soccer, and did gymnastics, and was so skilled at the latter that they wanted to train me privately for competition (terrible at soccer, though. oof). In second grade, the PE teacher called my parents because I was no longer able to participate the way I had before, and she was worried. Took several more years before I was finally diagnosed with what was then called chronic fatigue syndrome. I got progressively sicker from there. My parents didn't think I'd finish fourth grade because I missed so much of the school year due to being sick. No one thought I'd finish high school, and a huge part of the reason I graduated was because I had a 504, and parents who fought for me to get that 504 - and an advisor who dated the expiry date for it past the time I'd graduate, because the administration had nearly refused to grant it to me and she wanted to make sure it wouldn't be taken away.

I've fought every step of the way to achieve what I have, but I absolutely wouldn't have got there if it weren't for the fact that disability rights legislation exists - and it exists because of hard-fought battles by disability rights activists. Disability rights are still a relatively recent thing - the ADA was only passed in 1990 - and people with disabilities are still regularly left out of rights conversations. And, lest you think 'oh, well, I'm not disabled' - guess what? You're going to get old. A split second might change your life. Disability is the one demographic literally anyone could find themselves in at any time, and are increasinbly likely to become a member of as they age. People with disabilities are uniquely vulnerable to the whims of governments, and looking forward, it is an absolute surety that our rights - our very value as human beings deserving of life and respect and love - will be in danger. Our lives will be in danger. Medicaid and Medicare are both at extreme risk. Health insurance coverage in general is almost certainly going to contract and exclude a hell of a lot of us. (I lived in the UK during the 2016 election knowing I was moving back to America in 2017 and sobbed at the results because I was terrified.) Access to care in general is also likely to seep away like toxins into groundwater, leaving far too many without access to vital and necessary means to survive.

To sum up: people with disabilities are going to die. And if you don't care about that, if you can't be bothered, I have only this to say to you: go fucking trip in a pothole and break your neck on the way down.

Moving on to a different topic.

Two of my closest, dearest friends are queer. Very different identities, very different people, both people without whom I'm not sure I'd have survived the last decade. You know who not only doesn't give a shit about people with queer identities but is actively advocating to relegate them to statuses less than human? Yeah. The shithead America just elected as president. It's made trans identities a pointed, specific point of attack, demonizing people who literally only want to be seen as normal so they can carry on with life. The vitriol spewed at trans individuals, at anyone who isn't cis-het, is horrific and disgusting and now has an even greater platform to not only continue to demonize perfectly normal people but also actively legislate to remove their rights, along with those of anyone who doesn't happen to identify with their assigned gender at birth or a strictly heterosexual attraction to others.

As my last futile shriek into the night, for now, I return to the fact that I'm a woman. I've been on birth control since I was 18. I currently have an IUD. I used to have the arm implant thing. For most of the time that I've been using birth control, the goal has been to control, minimize, or largely eliminate my period, but I'm gonna be honest here: I've also used it to keep from getting pregnant (gasp, shock, horror, go fuck yourself if you think this is somehow unacceptable). But guess what? Birth control is a vitally important way in which people are able to exercise autonomy over their bodies. How we are able to choose to be intimate with men without being terrified that doing so will irrevocably alter our lives in a way over which we have no say. How we're able to avoid having to face the decision to have an abortion. When my mother was a young woman, abortion was illegal. Didn't matter the circumstances, didn't matter the timeline; you got pregnant, no matter how, you had almost no options. If you decided to end your pregnancy and were lucky, you might visit a doctor who knew what they were doing and provided competent care without risking your life, and survive to one day have a family, if you wanted. If you weren't, you might end up with permanent damage to your reproductive organs that meant you could never have children. Or dead.

We started a return to this reality several years ago, when Roe v. Wade was repealed by the Supreme Court and states across the country instituted extreme abortion bans that basically said a hearty Fuck You to every woman in this country. Women have died as a result, women who should be alive right now. Children are living without their mothers because doctors are scared to provide necessary care. And now even more women are going to die. I live in a blue state with no restrictions on abortion and I'm fucking terrified because my rights, my autonomy, my ability to make my own fucking decisions about myself, my body, my own damn life are in question despite where I live. I'm a person. Every fucking woman is a person. We deserve to be able to decide what the fuck we want to do with our bodies, without anyone else's input.

[smokedanced]

i woke up with an rpc vent in my mind that i feel like i have to unleash but 1) no obligation to read this at all i am just venting it out of my system and not really wanting to talk about it and 2) this is not a vaguepost. this is not about specific people. not all of this is about something to do with my blogs even. some of this is shit that i myself have mistakenly done before, even. i am talking about annoyances and pet peeves, not aiming to shame anyone. if i have an issue with any specific person i block them, vent about them privately with a close friend, or talk it out with the person.

readmore for length and so people don't have to see me vent lol (everything is fine nothing has happened just overall rpc annoyances from my time here since aaages ago)

i can't tell whether people lack reading comprehension, can't be bothered to read stuff, or are just entitled, a lot of the time, with some of these. you would think when we share a hobby that is largely based on reading, people would... read... but...

almost every time. almost every time i post a meme call etc. where i say to specify muse. i get likes without people specifying muse. this, along with the next item, is so common that it's not even possible to vaguepost about any specific person on this because it feels like most people do this? i'm sure i've mistakenly done it myself (just forgot and such) but it's not. it's. ????????? WHY

i kind of understand if i post a long ass plotting call for specific verses and explain a lot on the post that someone might skim it and miss a line about specifying muse, but even on two lines of just "like for memes. specify muse or i won't send any" people consistently manage to not follow the rules. this has been happening since. like at least five years now. i don't think meme calls were a thing much before that. but i remember struggling with this in 2018. and still.

similarly. do people. do people not read rules, think a rule doesn't apply for them (???) or just... what with, not doing my interest tracker.

it's gotten to the point that i am SURPRISED whenever someone does. i am GENUINELY DELIGHTED like someone did me a HUGE FAVOUR whenever they do it. i am so so pleased whenever someone who had kind of been around for a long time finally does it.

i sort of can see, if we follow each other on one of my other blogs first, that people might follow the multi without reading the rules since they already read the rules on another blog. that's generally ok, but when my multi has that specific rule that my other blogs don't, it's... well.

i don't know how many times i need to say on the dash that i do not interact with people until they either do my interest tracker OR tell me ooc which muses i am allowed to send them OR send me in character things (in which case i will only approach with the muses they send things first for). i just need to know which muses people are open to so i don't need to feel like i am forcing a muse someone isn't interested in for them. i don't need plot ideas, i don't need people to pick just one muse, i just need some indication of WHICH MUSES ARE OK TO SEND. like i don't know how much easier i could make it than saying it's ok to just message me and tell me all of my muses are ok. ????????

and i know so many people who struggle with the same thing. if someone has a rule about their interest tracker being mandatory. if you aren't going to do it. then don't follow them. what

more on reading comprehension or did someone not even read the rules before following: constantly. i- i mean, ok, lol, i'm not popular enough to get constant new followers, that's not. what i mean.

a huge chunk of people who follow me have direct contradictions to my rules in their rules. i can't tell if people don't read mine before they follow or if they somehow manage to lack the reading comprehension to understand them? especially my rule about me not following people who judge others based on what fiction they enjoy. i get very, very many followers whose own rules directly contradict this. i've even explained this in detail in my rules: how i am ok with people saying "don't follow me if you write x", but i am not ok and don't feel safe around people who say "don't follow me if you write gross things like x" etc. etc. etc. it's the tone, it's the implied judgement. i say that this includes topics that i myself am not comfortable writing. i feel like i say this clearly??? what is not clicking or do people not read my rules???

the other rule of mine that gets ignored is that i say i don't follow people with individual names on their dni lists. sometimes my ex-mutuals have added a dni of individual urls and then i'm forced to be like. ok. well. sorry, but i'm going to unfollow you. that's against my rules. i don't feel safe around you. i kind of, more understand it if it's something a mutual adds to their rules (i don't expect people to remember my rules, people can decide later that they don't agree with my rules, and so on, that's fine, it's up to me to curate my dash then and unfollow or block), but it's more baffling when there are new people.

both of the above are so common that whenever i get a new follower on any of my blogs now, i kind of ASSUME that there is going to be something in their rules that will be directly against mine and i won't be able to follow them back, until i go read their pages and am proven wrong. like, my assumption is that we are not compatible in the rpc, which is kind of fucking wild. because. why. why would you follow someone whose rules you don't agree with. i guess this is why i wonder if people read rules at all or if people just... don't... understand the way i word mine??? genuinely i continue to think of how to reword my rules but i feel like they are pretty clear on these topics???

(i'm not angry at anyone for following without reading my rules, i don't care enough to feel anger, it just. it's very confusing. and overall frustrating because you get a new follow and the blog seems cool but then you find out your rules aren't compatible.)

(i'm also never going to tell people what they can and can't have in their rules. rules that contradict mine are totally ok. it's not WRONG of people to not agree with my rules. i just wish people wouldn't follow me if our rules clearly do not match.)

other common either didn't read the rules or lack reading comprehension disregard the rules things that i see very commonly but that do not apply to me because i'm not mutuals only or have passwords but

people who disregard mutuals only rules. both people who will approach without being followed back and people who don't follow but think they can still interact? mutuals only means mutuals only, not one of us is following the other. i KNOW i have made this mistake before myself. i have taken mutuals only to mean if the other person with that rules follows me it's fine. i don't have to follow them. (the one time i don't take something literally LOL) but i've been corrected on it and know better now.

like person A has a mutuals only rule. person B wants to write with person A. person A follows person B, person B doesn't follow person A for whatever reason despite wanting to write together. person B just assumes that's ok. but... but you're not mutuals. entitled behaviour as fuck (that i have done myself! i have done this myself! i don't anymore of course but aaaaa it's so dumb why would i assume that was ok)

similarly: person A has a password in their rules. person B has a rule about not sending in passwords in theirs. person B follows person A first, doesn't send in password. ENTITLED AS FUCK BEHAVIOUR. your own rules can't excuse you not following someone else's. now, if person A was the one to follow first, then i think that would be fine. because then person A would know person B doesn't do passwords, and decided to follow anyway. but when it's the person who doesn't send passwords following someone who has a password first? just. don't follow someone whose rules you aren't going to follow. pretty sure i've done this in the past myself as well. would not anymore.

ok i have vented have a nice day. why am i getting irked over hypothetical things that don't even apply to me? i don't know. anyway. if this is somehow the first ooc post of mine you see i am so sorry i am normally just vibing and chilling.

also if you've done any of these in the past, i am not trying to make you feel bad. i tried to make that obvious by admitting to shit i myself did in the past.

also if anyone ever feels awkward about doing my interest tracker several months after having been quiet mutuals, don't! whenever someone does it i just get delighted. it's never a ohhhhh finally this person is doing it shame on them... it's always an oh! oh! so cool! we can write now! yay! and i usually message people to thank them for doing it.

[the-haunted-office]

I'm gonna answer this for Doom without any prompting because I can and I want to.

From this meme: Questions for Problematic/Villain muses

2. What's something you constantly have to re-explain about your muse

I haven't had to explain this in a while, but I will now because for a while after I first introduced her, I did have to constantly re-explain it because people just did not understand that Doom is NOT mean for no reason. She has reasons for being aggressive and loud and the way she is.

When I first introduced her, she was highly aggressive towards certain muses for a very specific reason, and that reason was because those muses had been hurtful towards Thursday. This was in an rp group I used to be in, where several muses were hurtful, mean, or downright abusive towards Thursday, and when I introduced Doomsday, she wouldn't put up with that crap. She laid down the boundaries that Thursday wouldn't. And I think some people took it personally. They personally did not like Doomsday because of her attitude and behaviors towards their muses, and because she fought back. Not only that, but because it meant their muses couldn't bully Thursday anymore. On top of that, Doom called out their muses' behaviors and I think they took that personally. At least, that is the impression I got.

Doom has been demonized for the fact that she will not put up with anyone's crap and that she will call things as she sees it. If she sees other people's muses behaving in a hypocritical manner, she will call them out on it. If she disagrees with someone, she will speak up. If she thinks someone is being an asshole, she will call them an asshole. She will not lie down and take it, she will fight back.

She isn't always right, though. Of course she isn't perfect and she does make mistakes. And she has her own toxic behaviors. The fact is that she is a multi-faceted person and isn't "just mean" or "just being a bitch" just because you don't like how she's treating your muse. She 9.9 times out 10 has a reason why she's being aggressive towards someone.

Now, as for being mischievous? That's a different story altogether. :p

[forvalkyrie]

been watching chicago med and i’m either on s3 or s4 BUT i am starting to absolutely despise natalie manning and her character (ill put it under a readmore because i got a lot of words and she absolutely disgusts me)

First off, I know that she's an ER doc specializing in peds (though, maybe its because of how fast I watched everything but I never saw any epi specifically say that but its there whatever).

My disgust comes from how 1)she approaches people that aren't physically/mentally/emotionally prepared to have children and 2)how hypocritical she is. So lets get into it:

Her approach to her patients with children: I appreciate her dedication to childcare– whether this be giving the child the best of care or advocating for their rights when the guardian/parent(s) aren't listening. The thing... some of the things she's done or said are so surface-level, that they don't account for what happens after they leave the ER. Take the epi where she accidentally got a mother and her baby separated because she suspected child abuse due to a stained hematoma from child birth. Her medicine was sound, of course— anyone would suspect child abuse in that scenario. What I didn't like, and this patient (abbrev. pt) rightfully called out, was her judgemental ass. Like listen, I've worked in the medical field for years and even if you are judgemental towards something, you should NEVER let it affect how you treat/care for pt. Nat says she judged teh mom for being a single mother raising her child but... babygirl, you're a GD doctor. Your mother-in-law literally watches your kid FOR FREE. Your husband died from war– you know exactly who he is! That single mother was literally working two jobs just to support her and her baby. She even said that she doesn't know who the dad is so clearly she can't just "drop" the kid off at grandma's. People literally do the best that they can in the situation that they're in, whether purposeful or accidental. Whether or not they make sense is a wholedifferent thing. Like the other epi where the pt's older brother was a sociopath and the parents decided not to institutionalize him. As outsiders, ofc we'd be on Nat's side about taking him away from hurting his brother. But that's the thing– we are outsiders!! Nat's saying all this stuff yet if put in the same situation, she'd likely do the same thing as what those parents did and continue to keep him around. The decision to have kids is already an unfortunately loaded question but what about after? She has little to no care of her pts past the exit. This can get longwinded so if anyone wants more lmk otherwise imma stop here for this.

Hypocrisy: She's a straightup hypocrite. Early seasons, she followed most of the rules. She wasn't Will, ya know? But what got to me was how the show writes her cases. Ex. she had changed a treatment plan that Will was against because she didn't think it was that. Mind you, Will's under fire from that DNR incident. Before the autopsy, Will is rightfully angry that she switched treatment plans, despite her trying to justify it. Never change a treatment plan! Even with disagreements, shit will happen. There are contraindications, there are escalations, there's a bunch of different things that can happen even if the change is small. Not only was Will trying to be a good doctor, he was also trying to be a law-abiding, rule-following doctor. What about the time when she fought tooth and nail to use an experimental, not FDA-approved (not even a multi-stage study) drug to treat a cancer pt. Ofc, Will is furious that she's adamant on the switch and lo-behold, the pt dies. Now, this concoction could've worsen the cancer right? Except, rather than writing it so it either didn't have an effect or had a miniscule effect, the autopsy revealed that her concoction actually shrank it a few cms. Aint no fucking way that it did that-- mainly because there were no clinical trials documenting it. I mean, GIRL, WHAT ABOUT THE SIDE EFFECTS? Medicine isnt a magic potion unforunately. The time when she went off on that skivvy priest and his 14-year old wife is also on my list. She yells at Will or whatever doctor about professionalism but her attitude towards him (though RIGHTFULLY SO) was peak unprofessionalism. I mean there is a lot of bureaucracy in almost any institution, whether profit or nonprofit, but when anyone else breaks it, they get serious consequences. When Nat does it, its just a damn warning. Hell! What about when they induced a death-appearing coma to the guy that was abusing his wife? Shittt son, I'm surprised Will agreed to that given his DNR incident. God forbid that pt actally fucking died-- they both would've lost theirmedical licenses.

I just have so much to say! She gives me 'popular in HS' vibes since she is "always" right, rarely gets any true punishment/consequences and yaps of unprofessionalism to other people when she literally does the same thing. What crossed it for me and its the reason why I'm writing this now is when she snapped at Dr. Charles when she cut the dosage in half for a bipolar pregnant mother. You mean to tell me that YOU were in the right because you don't have time to keep up with every new psych journal? You literally specialize in peds– youre supposed to keep up with any and everything child-related, including pregnancies! Chief! God forbid there's new research and because you dont have fucking time to do some research (or at least keep up with medical literature), you end up killing a pt due to ignorance.

Maybe its how the writers are writing her but she's just... DISGUSTING. As a self-identifying female, I'm all about feminine/female power but this? Nah chief– Maggie is better written than she is and she's "just a charge nurse"!

[spaceorphan18]

What makes you squee over a couple and call them your OTP? Are there characteristics that your OTPs share? Do you multi-ship characters?

I loved our initial conversation about this - and I'm so sorry it's been taking me a while to get back to you. It's funny, though, because recently, this question has been on my mind a lot. Why does something just dig into your heart in a certain way while other things do not?

It feels, oddly, like a such a personal question.

I do know that shipping can just come down to wanting two pretty people to smush their faces together. And I don't claim to be immune to that. But this little demisexual often wonders if I fall in love with the story first and then find the characters more attractive after?

As an aside, it's funny, because there's a rather specific type I'm attracted to when it comes to men, almost annoyingly so. With women, though, women are so beautiful. There's never been a pattern there.

But anyway - back to shipping and there are definitely patterns here and I really doubt anyone is going to be shocked when they read this...

But I need to answer your multi-shipper question first. The short answer is no, I do not multi-ship. One reason I like a ship is usually that they're securely devoted to their partner. And with multi-shipping, I just can't. It doesn't work.

I will say -- A) this is not a condemnation of those who multi-ship. I mean, go wild. There's no right answer, and to each their own. We don't singularly own these characters. And ultimately, who cares what other people ship? B) There is a specific instance that I don't mind when my fav is with someone else -- and it's usually tied to the idea of being apart from the person they love, and are trying someone else, but it doesn't work because their heart belongs to someone already. Don't know why - that trope just sends me.

Alright, so a list of things that often pop up in pairings whose stories tend to get me in all the feels. While my OTPs won't have all the things on this list, a lot of them have most of them, and while it may seem rather specific, there are a lot of ships that often fall into these categories. I'm sure none of this is going to surprise anyone, and I'm also sure every time I get a new ship, no one is surprised by the dynamics.

Best Friends: This is the big one - that I'm pretty sure appears in all of my favorite ships/romance stories. Friendship as a foundation is just really huge for me. (As an aside - I love stories of deep platonic friendship, too - in general I love friendship stories.) There's something about having this solid foundation of someone who knows you, who gets you, whom you want to spend your time with, but also, you can be a part and you just keep coming back to them. Friends to lovers is an obvious favorite trope - and it's the idea of someone knowing you before you make it a sexual experience. It's comforting and comfortable and as people have often told me, it's probably no surprise that this little demisexual loves this trope as it aligns with how I interact with the world and how my own relationships work.

Shielding and Isolation: This one is an interesting one that may also say something about me. I have a tendency to be drawn to characters who who kind of isolate (emotionally or physically) from the rest of the world -- who have a personalized armor that they wear against the world. And of course, the second half of the pair always draws them out. Is always the one to get past that shielding -- to dig into the layers that are there.

Humor: I do love comedy. But maybe more broadly, I love weird and quirky and absurdity and not really fitting the norm. There's just something a little off about my OTPs and I love it that way.

Devotion and Independence: This may seem like a weird thing to put together but -- I love a couple who is absolutely, stupidly devoted to the other. And I also love that the characters themselves can stand on their own, have their own lives and stories and remain stupidly in love but it isn't always at the foreground of the story. Which leads me to...

Part of a Bigger Story: I'm not one who often goes straight up for romance stories. I like the love story to be a part of a bigger whole -- usually part of a character's longer/bigger journey. I love character stories -- and love can be a huge part of that, but ultimately, I love characters and their personal journeys

Old Marrieds: It's not intentional, but a lot of my favorite pairings end up getting married. But it's not about liking weddings (honestly, I don't actually like weddings) it's about knowing someone so well that you know how to get under their skin just. I love banter. I love familiarity. I love when two people can just get each other with just a look.

Romantic: At the end of the day, I think I've always been just a silly romantic. I like simple touches and knowing looks and smiles and laughter. I love gentle bonding moments and intensely quiet thoughts. I love things that take my breath away.

It's funny because I don't (really) seek out love stories because I love stories. But I fall in love with characters in love stories because of the characters. I love when characters have great arcs and great stories and go on great journeys. I love when they are put through the wringer and come out the other end stronger for it. I love strong bonds between two people friends or romantic and exploring those dynamics.

And, of course, I do love a happy ending.

And so all of that is what usually gets me in a romance story. But maybe the funniest twist is that more often than not, the romantic pairing finds me. I don't know if I've ever sought out a story thinking I'll love the romantic couple in it. Usually, I'm happily surprised that I've fallen in love with the characters and stories.

Thanks for the question, Julia, it was a great thought experiment <3 <3

[mgnifiqueyoo]

— "old friend."

requested by: @lluvjjun pairing: zb1 taerae x fem!reader song recommendation: hello (adele) lowercase is intended…

— a/n: so i'm back again with my second zb1 oneshot! (which is so angsty and honestly, pretty realistic this time btw but oh, well- luv me some angst T.T) and i just wanted to clarify that i'm a multi so y'all can always request for other groups as well such as p1harmony, xikers, boys planet trainees, etc. + also, u might really not care about how i felt about this oneshot but damn, i had tears in my eyes so i hope you all enjoy it! </3

[ total words: 2.5k ]

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“... oh?”

opening the front door of your home after hearing a knock or two, you found yourself a little confused when you were met with your seatmate’s gaze. it was christmas eve and the simple dinner between you and your family had just ended, which meant you were returning to your normal life, asking yourself if santa could even give you what you wished for. — maybe a different way of living where you could afford anything you’ve laid your eyes on.

but even the elves would think that’s more impossible than riding a bunch of floating reindeers.

“merry christmas, i guess?” taerae chuckled, still holding out a neatly wrapped present in both of his hands. the box’s red cover shone under the dim light above the two of you as he continued to encourage you in taking it from him. 

you never expected anyone to give you a present, especially since you’ve never gotten one after your father passed away. “... what made you think of… doing that?” you shyly questioned his initial ideas about this as his eyes looked up at the ceiling, probably searching for an answer as he bit his bottom lip, his fingertips tapping across the sides of the box. “well… i saw the way you looked at chaehyun last week and i thought that maybe i could make your christmas a little better.”

“you didn’t have to-”

“oh, but i wanted to,” he butted in quickly, not letting you finish your way of denying the present as he even pushed it further, waiting for you to just take it. “and i really do want you to open this in front of me.”

“why? i mean, isn’t that weird? it’s the middle of the night,” you retaliated, making him chuckle as he didn’t seem convinced with your excuse. “... but if that makes you feel better, then i’ll do it.” 

you had no other reason for you to not take the gift as the anticipation slowly grew in you, tearing off the wrapping paper from the box. carefully, you lifted its lid as taerae’s eyes were soon fixated on the way your eyes widened at what’s inside of it. — it had a clutch-sized teddy bear; perfectly sewn to fit in your arms without it having to feel either too big or too small as you put down the box on the floor, holding the stuffed animal closer to you. 

"... so, how does he feel? how does mr. ted feel?" taerae's eyes glimmered in excitement, eager to know what you'd tell him about the teddy bear his own hands created. in return, you chuckled, tightening the way you hugged the toy. "he feels like christmas." you answered, smiling back at the boy in front of you as he stared at you with belief; with so much fondness that no one could ever explain in words.

"merry christmas, taerae."

and now, you're staring into the distance, disappointed at how messy your room is. it's been six years since you took that christmas gift. to this day, you still knew that specific christmas eve stood out from the rest.

because somebody actually thought of giving you at least one thing.

“mom, please, i don't really have the budget right now," you pleaded, gripping your phone tightly as you continued to still clean up your room. you're looking for something you could get money from. being a waitress at a local, small coffee shop is not quite the answer for situations like this. "... i'll call you back once i get paid, okay? i just have nothing at the moment."

while you're at seoul trying to survive in a shitty apartment, your family is left stuck with raging debts after your father died. — you could tell that it really wasn’t the best decision for him to not even give your mother a chance to work for the family; there was always an insecurity laying beneath his motifs.

and now, you don’t even know what to do. your mother had been asking you for extra cash and your sister had been switching odd jobs here and there. the most surprising thing was the fact that you were the “stable one” compared to the two. 

it’s disheartening to think of it.

a waitress being the stable one in the family.

“... ah, shit.” you muttered a curse, burying your face in your still dirty, unwashed palms in frustration. you were your family’s only chance in surviving such a poor life. 

heading towards the cabinets, you pulled out a few more boxes. it baffles you that you’ve been living here for two years already and you’ve never even finished arranging your belongings but that’s not so surprising. you didn’t even finish school. 

as all of the packed, still taped up boxes were taken out, you decided to look into them with questions circling your head. — what are the ones that’ll make everyone interested? which ones would make up for your rent? so many questions, so little time.

but while you took a few things out of the box, you were suddenly hit with a blast from the past; like a gust of lonely wind. 

he’s there.

mr. ted was still here with you.

you backed away from it, taking a better look at it from afar rather than too close. you could already feel your eyes itch just by seeing it, the allergies worsening the longer you stared at the now dusty, slightly gray care bear that used to be so full of life before. 

but it all had to end someday.

and it already did.

"... huh…" you tilted your head to the side, pulling it from the box. you almost couldn't remember how you kept it there, let alone how long it stayed there. nonetheless, it was a pity that two people from a memorable, almost a decade of friendship would just fade to dust… just like the ones that covered the bear’s golden fur in years.

you asked yourself, was the choice you made the right one? was it for the better, just like how you told yourself, your other friends, and most importantly, him? 

younger you would’ve stood by her choice.

but this is the present and you know that you’ve taken the wrong route.

puffing your cheeks out in frustration, you picked up your phone from the mattress of your bed, which felt so used and replaceable already but somehow, you couldn’t afford to change it. you’ve been sleeping on that bed since you were nine. people around you would advise that maybe spending a few cash wouldn’t hurt and sometimes, you thought they were right.

yet in the end of the day, you always tell yourself that you just can’t. — why? because you just had nothing. not even a shoulder to lean your head on. not anyone but yourself. and people with everything in their soft, soaped palms won’t get that! they can’t even bring themselves to realize that people like you are just trying to make living life feel a little less miserable.

now, you’re here.

you’re walking in circles, staring at nothing but the bright yet cracked screen of your old iPhone 5 as you read his name over and over while trying to come up with a choice. another choice that’d decide your fate. 

‘kim taerae… kim taerae? can i talk to kim taerae?’ your inner voice was almost as monotone as ever as you found yourself still lost in the sea of choices again. 

can you talk to kim taerae? that question can be answered easily: yes, you can. but here comes a much more difficult situation – should you talk to him after everything? you’re not even surprised that he has someone sitting next to him with a bright smile on her face, maybe as bright as his. an unfamiliar girl but an obvious message for you.

he’s moved on. 

good for him, right?

“can you promise me something?” taerae spoke, the uncertainty was in his voice as he seemed to be fearing the next few things you were about to tell him. it disturbed you. it was the first time he’s ever sounded so serious about something. 

something you’re not ready to find out. “friends will always keep each other’s promises,” you cluelessly said back, even smiling back at him so cheekily that taerae had a glimpse of hope. — that maybe everything will turn back to normal if things don’t go his way.

“i think i’m in love with you, y/n.”

you didn’t know what even was real and not. were these words really coming out of taerae’s mouth? did taerae, your best friend, just tell you that he thinks he’s in love with you?

and the first thing you asked yourself was how.

how did he even think that?

“i know it sounds crazy but,” taerae quickly gave an excuse for it as he approaches your hands with his, his thumb pressing against your soft palm. it almost convinced you into smiling back at him but all you did was stare, visibly terrified over what he just told you. “but it’s what i feel… it’s what i feel about you-”

“what?” you weren’t thinking straight that time. you weren’t sure if you liked him back or not but he was always important to you. always; to the point that you were scared of this happening as if you’d already expected it. “... i don’t get it, what do you mean?”

the second time you asked him, he just froze like radio static. your confusion started getting to him, haunting him with the single-worded response that he’d hate to hear from you – no. 

“it’s nothing.”

“taerae, i-”

“let’s just,” taerae cuts you off, tightening the strap of his backpack as his eyes dared to never look back at you ever again, “let’s just forget about all of this, okay?”

well, you tried.

but that day kept on repeating in your head that it was impossible to not at least think about it and from the looks of it, he felt the same. the distance between the two of you was just getting farther and farther until you couldn’t even remember each other’s birthdays. yet at the same time, you were always in each other’s minds with one wish.

wishing to be called by the other once.

“taerae!” you shouted from the crowds and he barely even heard you. the rest of your classmates were waving goodbye at him, excited for him to take in the trophy after an international talent competition, where everybody expected him to take home at least one gold medal from it.

and there was another call… and another.

oh?

and another as you watched him get into the bus, not even looking back at your direction. you told yourself that maybe he just didn’t hear you. maybe your voice just wasn’t loud enough. — in the end, at least you tried to patch things up even though you had no clue that it was the last time you’d ever see taerae in person.

“hey, maybe i shouldn’t!” you blurted out in the middle of your room, breathing deeply as you just couldn’t control yourself from scrolling down his posts; by now, he’s gotten five golden medals from differently, yearly major vocal competitions overseas. you could never say it in words or a bunch of facebook posts how proud you are of him.

you wished you were there with him, helping him accomplish these goals he once had pinned down on a bulletin board from third grade. you wished that you were the one who sat next to him, giving him a pep talk before he came up that stage to steal the show from every other singer around. 

you wished you’ve touched the skies that hovered above him.

but you were too far down.

forgotten.

“... oh, who am i kidding? he’s not gonna respond anyway. he’s too far up there now,” you told yourself, letting out a groan before jumping on your bed, torn between asking him how he’s been and just letting him live his new life; the life where you never existed at all. “god, this is all my fault…” regret was starting to take over again. it was like you couldn’t call a normal day “normal” if you hadn’t considered regretting anything. 

you could tell that your life was already a few steps away from being a complete failure… well, that was until you looked back at your phone.

widening your eyes, there was a flood of terror, humiliation, and regret (yet again) in our mind as several airy curses come out of your mouth. you weren’t sure if you should start throwing a fit or start planning in deleting your facebook account. — who uses facebook anymore these days, right? well… you.

and apparently, taerae as well.

“what the fuck? no!” you belted out as if you were a soprano, burying your face once again in your palms after seeing a blue thumb on one of taerae’s older posts. 

great job, y/n.

you just liked his post after six years of not even mentioning each other’s names.

“why… why did i do that?" this was the moment where you actually wanted to dig a hole in the ground, live in there, and never ever come back. — and well, in the real world, you can’t really do anything as extreme as that, which isn’t as embarrassing as the fact that you just accidentally liked one of your ex-best friend’s posts from last year. “ugh… i just hope he ignores it… god, this is the worst.”

ping!

you took in a deep breath, letting out a mixture of both a groan and a sigh as you accepted your fate; he saw it… and god, why did he even respond? 

and in just a span of ten minutes, that conversation ended. you knew deep inside that none of this was easy to take in. he’s already living his dream life, he’s got tons of people who’d support him no matter what, and he even has this perfect girlfriend who wanted to meet you for the sake of getting to know who taerae is… and who he used to be.

you clutched your phone close to your chest, laying on your back as you stared at the dull ceiling of your room. you wondered how your life turned into something like this. — why did the circumstances bring you down lower than before? why did it turn so different from taerae’s? what was holding you back?

even though you wouldn’t admit it, you always knew the answer.

and it was the fear of that big change that held you in your place.

“... maybe this is it,” you told yourself, sitting up from the bed as you stared at the dusty boxes that were still left unopened, “maybe it’s time for me to change things for the better.” saying those words felt like a foggy evening was clearing up as you took in one last deep breath, ready to face anything without having to look back.

this was it.

you’re ready for change.