#and i didn't explain it well at all
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irregularjohnnywiggins · 2 years ago
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You ever have those moments where an idea just... won't leave your head?
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inkskinned · 2 years ago
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sometimes we just need someone to pay enough attention.
for the longest time i had been trying to read The Lord of The Rings. everyone had sung the praises for it, over and over. i'd seen clips of the movie and it seemed like it could be fun, but actually reading it was fucking horrible.
my parents had the omnibus - all the books squished into one big tome - and in the 4th grade i started sort of an annual tradition: i would start trying to read TLR and get frustrated after about a month and put it back down. at first i figured i was just too young for it, and that it would eventually make sense.
but every time i came back to it, i would find myself having the exact same experience: it was confusing, weird, and dry as a fucking bone. i couldn't figure it out. how had everyone else on earth read this book and enjoyed it? how had they made movies out of this thing? it was, like, barely coherent. i would see it on "classics" list and on every fantasy/sci-fi list and everyone said i should read it; but i figured that it was like my opinion of great expectations - just because it's a classic doesn't mean i'm going to like experiencing it.
at 20, i began the process of forcing myself through it. if i had to treat the experience like a self-inflicted textbook, i would - but i was going to read it.
my mom came across me taking notes at our kitchen table. i was on the last few pages of the first book in the omnibus, and i was dreading moving on to the next. she smiled down at me. only you would take notes on creative writing. then she sat down and her brow wrinkled. wait. why are you taking notes on this?
i said the thing i always said - it's boring, and i forget what's happening in it because it's so weird, and dense. and strange.
she nodded a little, and started to stand up. and then sat back down and said - wait, will you show me the book?
i was happy to hand it over, annoyed with the fact i'd barely made a dent in the monster of a thing. she pulled it to herself, pushing her glasses up so she could read the tiny writing. for a moment, she was silent, and then she let out a cackle. she wouldn't stop laughing. oh my god. i cannot wait to tell your father.
i was immediately defensive. okay, maybe i'm stupid but i've been trying to read this since the 4th grade and -
she shook her head. raquel, this is the Silmarillion. you've been reading the Silmarillion, not the lord of the rings.
anyway, it turns out that the hobbit and lord of the rings series are all super good and i understand why they're recommended reading. but good lord (of the rings), i wish somebody had just asked - wait. this kind of thing is right up your alley. you love fantasy. it sounds like something might be wrong. why do you think it's so boring?
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peace-hunter · 6 days ago
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tfone au where OP is created as the last of the primes but way after them, a sparkling born at what were thought to be the last days of the war against the quintessons, the beginning of a new generation of peace after eons of war. a child meant to be loved and raised knowing nothing of war nor sacrifice.
he's kept mostly out of the spotlight by his siblings, who don't wish to expose him to everyone's optics so young, and want to wait until the war is done and over to properly introduce him to their people.
except of course the primes are betrayed and murdered by sentinel, the war is lost and everyone who knows and cared for the truth is either banished or outright killed in order to suppress it.
and the high guard, the ones the primes trusted the most, the ones that were supposed to protect them, the ones who failed in their most important duty, have to make a choice. to take the last prime, their last hope, with them to the surface, a hostile environment where there's little to no supplies and where they'll be hunted down by both sentinel and the quintessons as the biggest threat to their regimen.
or hide him in plain sight. place him where sentinel won't think to look for him. one more sparkling among many. and hope it will be enough to keep him alive. pray to primus that he'll protect his last child long enough for them to come back for him when it's safer (even if most of them have already lost their faith on him when he allowed the rest of his children to be massacred like that)
they almost lose their resolve when they realize they will have to take the little one's cog away in order to make him blend in with the rest of the newborns (and oh do they burn with murderous intent when they see what sentinel has done to their people but it's not the time yet-) but in the end they decide an impaired little prime is better than a dead one.
and so in the chaos of thirteen dead primes and a sudden energon crisis, a little sparkling who very few mechs really knew about and even fewer had seen completely vanishes. and in the depths of iacon a mech in charge of a new batch of newborns scratches their helm in confusion as they realize they must have miscounted the first time.
optimus prime is quietly erased from any official records by sentinel, written off as dead when they find a sparkling's frame mangled beyond recognition after an attack on the base of those rebels that insist on being a thorn on his side. killing the sparkling hadn't been precisely in his plans, he probably could've found some use for it after all, but he's not particularly upset about it either.
and orion pax grows up with an ache on his spark that tells him he's missing something far more important than a t-cog and dreams of gentle and loving hands, cradling him against the frames of mechs he cannot recall the faces of.
#i talk a lot <3#transformers#transformers one#tfone#optimus prime#orion pax#baby prime orion au#this is mostly an excuse for me to draw the primes and baby OP later on. just to be clear.#i WILL be drawing this at some point lmao#tbh i'm a little uncertain how i want things to progress#because on one hand it would be very tasty and tense if sentinel recognized optimus during the race#but that means a lot of changes very early on in the plot and i would have to do a lot of Thinking on how to justify getting the gang#to still pick up bee and elita. cause i love them <3#i do think it'd be very funny if the high guard's plan worked like a charm except for the very tiny fact that they didn't count#on orion being an absolute hellion. like. this kid is Not Going Unnoticed and it's completely his own fault lmao#in this version maybe a member of the high guard stayed behind to keep an eye on orion and is able to get them out before they're killed#but instead of taking them to where the primes fell they take them directly to the high guard#which is very awkward because it's a very moving and emotional moment for the high guard who are finally reunited with their little prime#all grown up and healthy and blessedly *alive*. except orion doesn't fucking remember any of them and is very confused as to why#the legendary warriors of cybertron are getting all weepy over him. they finally explain the truth to him which is a Fucking Bomb#to drop on anyone but especially a group of kids who almost got killed by the person they all thought the world of just hours ago#they also return orion's t-cog to him which would create some tension between him and the rest of the gang because this time#he's the only one getting his cog back. add to it that they were just told he's the equivalent of a demi-god and... well.#there's a gap between him and them that wasn't there before#on the other version of events that follows canon more closely everything goes the same up until the gang finds the primes in the cave#and wake up alpha trion who now not only has to deal with the fact the rest of his siblings are dead but that he missed fifty cycles#of his baby brother's life. that the only sibling he has left does not remember him or his true identity at all.#he has to choose between telling him the truth which has the risk of unbalancing him in a critical moment where he cannot afford to#be distracted because they're being hunted down. or let him remain unaware. let him forget their family and the love they had for him#but letting him remain free of the knowledge of what he lost and the heartbreak it would bring.
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lazylittledragon · 6 months ago
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right now i'm very torn between "taking critique is important as an artist and it's not an attack on me personally" and "people commenting about my same face syndrome under my posts upsets me an unreasonable amount and i wish they would stop doing it"
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bumblingbabooshka · 2 months ago
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Re: Tuvok being Janeway's true biggest enabler, I really like how it's implied that Janeway absolutely returns the favor
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Like, Tuvok has the nerve to basically tap Chakotay on the shoulder and go "Um? I hear you're going with B'Elanna's plan? That's not how it works. I, Tuvok, just made a suggestion and you're not following it which is really confusing to me. If JANEWAY were here-" and I do love him for it and I DON'T think he's lying. I think Janeway really does have a long history of listening to Tuvok over others, perhaps without even realizing it. Janeway & Tuvok together sound like hell in space, a literal nightmare, and I adore them for it. Janeway unintentionally strokes Tuvok's ego by letting him do whatever he thinks is best in any situation while Tuvok unintentionally feeds Janeway's self-image of what a glorious captain should be and I'm not saying Tuvok isn't smart or Janeway isn't a great captain [they objectively are these things] - I just really love this ouroboros they've got going on. They bring out the best in each other, they're so selfless, they'd sacrifice their life for the other, and also they're a little bit full of themselves in part because the other keeps feeding them, and I think that's beautiful✨
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Tuvok Voice: Sorry. This is...really difficult for me...I'm just not used to not being favored by the captain. Chakotay: ................................................................
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thekittyokat · 3 months ago
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Hi! Please please please, could you tell me more about your coffin chain ideas?/nf
I am obsessed but barely anybody has jumped onto the ship yet and I am VERY new to the fandom so I wanna wait with making it myself until I know more lol. You are lowkey fueling this entire operations and I wanna thank you for that either way.
(rubs my paws together) you have no idea what you've unleashed anon i've been holding onto this ask specifically bc i've been sapping dopamine from it like a little leech waiting until i had time to hastily doodle up a little dynamics timeline for different stages of the ot4
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i REALLY hope this makes sense . i feel the need to say this every time i post abt coffinchain but my ideas are rly specific and i've had time for them to infect my brain like mold so i'm defo ready to accept this all being rly niche and really just for me and like 3 other people
buuut if this little peek into my mind speaks to ANY of y'all i absolutely encourage implore and beg you to send me asks and ideas and whatnot about these 4 bastards literally whenever you want!!
TL;DR one half of the trauma bonded couple reaches out and forms an immediate kinship with the big scary guy that no one likes & convinces his petty boyfriend to let him fw them. then he starts bringing his deranged fbi otter around they start double-dating only for it to become a situationship and then the worst polycule ever
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owl-bones · 5 months ago
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I mean, in defense of people who are hesitant about trusting fae dream... he did turn someone into an exotic pet before.
that didn't actually happen, that was just a drabble i developed and people asked for elaboration on sldfjlsfjs. it's technically a non-canon event, it's just on the blog and tagged and all that because it's still a (hypothetical) part of the story and there's some characterisation stuff in there. but the MC wasn't his pet, they were just a bird for the deal to work. he still treated them like a member of his court.
and i get where people are coming from, but if you're hesitant about trusting Dream you should extend that hesitancy to all the fae. especially Nightmare. between the two of them Nightmare is far more likely to trick you into a deal that you don't like, or that causes you to lose something of importance. it's just that nobody's asked about anything like that, so all they've seen is Dream being the poster-child for fae shenanigans lskdfjlsdsljfkd
like. Blue is the 'nicest' fae out of all of them when it comes to avoiding deals and giving humans leeway and helping them out, but that doesn't make Dream the worst (that'd be Killer)
tricks and wordplay are a major part of fae stories, and to ignore them completely to sanitise the characters and make them more approachable is disingenuous. Dream's a nice, friendly guy, yes, but he's still a fae and will trick you. Nightmare is cold and aloof but fair, and he will also trick you. Dream's not the bad guy, there is no bad guy, that is just their nature ദ്ദി ꒦ິ꒳꒦ິ )✧
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be-right-bach · 2 years ago
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can't believe an anime called buddy daddies did not end up being, in fact, just a silly little comedy of two hitmen raising a child together but instead an actual heartwarming, well written show about (re)learning to love and to be loved, about how the meaning of family goes way beyond blood and no matter how unconventional it may be, it's still as perfect and valid because it's yours and you wouldn't trade it for anything else
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ancha-aus · 5 months ago
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RealAgeAu Drabble - Backstory
And the next drabble I wanted to work on! @spotaus Get in here :3
The gang discussing what their backstory is going to be :3
I am sure everyone is chill about it!
First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble
No Editing or Beta'ing either. We go STRAIGHT into the fun! :D and we are back with silly Killer for the POV :3
*----------------*
"Okay guys! you are probably wondering why I gather you all here today!" Killer grins widely at them as he stands before the group.
Cross raises his brow at him "You didn't gather us. we were already sitting here and you just closed the door-" Killer quickly puts a hand over Cross's mouth and Cross glares at him.
Killer grins as he speaks again "As I said. I gathered you here today for a reason!" Killer has got this!
Dust looks at him bored as Horror tilts his skull at him. Nightmare sits between them on the couch with his book open.
Killer grins "We need to discuss what we will tell everyone!"
Cross finally manages to free himself from Killer's hand and shoots him a look "What are you talking about? I thought we are hiding."
Killer rolls his eye lights "Not the multiverse obviously. but this universe!" he throws out his hands and Cross yelps as he barely dodges it.
Horror frowns but gives a nod "true. If we stay for longer people will ask questions."
Killer nods "indeed! And I spend the last three days, so since we stepped foot in this universe! Thinking about a backstory. And with Crop confirming he has gotten into contact witha doctor for Nightmare. It is time we set up our backstory and lore!" Killer would have prefered to have a board to cover with drawings to better show his plan but this will have to do.
Dust tilts his skull "so we are staying then?" Dust grins a bit "also don't hurt yourself with thinking so much."
Killer just grins back at dust at his joke as he can see both Cross and horror look hopeful. Killer grins as he nods "If this works out! We already have a good standing here thanks to Horror and his friendship with Crop!" which is Killer not at all jealous about. shut up. the fact that Horror decided to go back to them even when he was friends with crop proves he likes them better!
Killer forces himself to focus back on the now "Anyway! We can't say we just came from another universe because that isn't a thing here so we need a better backstory!"
Dust tilts his skull but nods "seems fair."
Killer grins and decides to go for the easiest part first "Obviously! most important. Where did Nightmare came from." and he shoots Dust and Cross a very pointed look.
Cross blushes bright purple as he connects the dots and he holds up his hands "We can't say we... we... together!" and he tries to hide in his hood.
Killer snorts "Obviously not you both. One of you need to claim the bio parent role though."
Dust has a suspicious look on his face "Why just one?"
Killer gives asmile as he just looks away. aparently he can't start the easy part first.
Dust glares "Killer."
Killer sighs "Look! We need to explain Ngihtmare's past trauma. Which means someone did something to cause said trauma." he waits but everyone nods in agreement. Killer continues "We can't just say we stole a random child. people will try to get him to go into like whatever child system they have here." another round of nods "so. easiest way. one of us got him. But with someone else and that someone did the trauma!"
Cross connects the dots first "You want to use an abusive ex storyline?"
Killer nods as he grins "yes!"
Dust crosses his arms "No one is going to believe one of us would stand by the abuse and let it happen or let it happen to us."
Killer just keeps grinning at Dust and waiting. time for the ahrdest part.
Dust blinks before glaring "No."
Killer whines and straight away goes on his knees as he looks up begging at Dust "come on Dusty! You are the like only pick for this! Neither Horror or I can play the bio parent part as we have too strong characteristics that would be suspicious to not see in Nighty!" Killer with his dark sockets, his goop, red soul and obvious red magic. That is too many strong indentifiers to ALL miss wiht Nightmare. Horror himself is large and tall and has red magic himself. Nightmare is tiny and purple so it won't fit for either of them.
Dust does not look convinced so Killer continues still on his knees before Dust "pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase Dusty! You and Crossy are the only ones that fit with the looks!"
Dust glares down at Killer as he crosses his arms. Killer grins "I mean it! Crossy has purple magic and you too! That fits wiht Nightmare's even if the shade is a bit off but people are less likely to ask questions or comment about how the other's parents genes were clearly stronger."
Cross looks thoughtful "True... "
Dust sighs "Fine I can admit that works but that still leaves the issue that clearly neither of us would stand back or let the abuse happen." he blinks at him and looks to the side as a tiny tiny bit of purple starts to dusts, heh, his cheeks "and get off you knees you weirdo."
Killer shakes his skull because now comes the hardest part. "about that..."
Cross also clearly knows and same for Horror as both of them have a look of understanding and neither look at Dust. Dust glares "What?"
Killer keeps grinning "Out of all of us? You are the least obvious with your LV..."
Dust blinks before glaring more "absolutely not!" his rage is obvious and Killer can feel Dust's magic crackling and growing more staticy. Dust glares "I am fine with being seen as his bio parent. That is fine that changes nothing at this point. But I am not acting as if i am defenceless."
Killer just keeps sitting on his knees before dusty "please dusty! You are the only one that fits the image they would have for this!"
Dust glares at him "One check Killer. One check and this whole fucking plan falls apart!" Dusty glances at nightmare "don't repeat that."
Nightmare, who had been watching this whole situation with bemusement. Shoots Dust a glare which Dust looks unbothered by as Dust himself glare at Killer. See?! Even the same expressions!
Killer just keeps trying to use his most charming smile as he begs Dusty on his knees "please!! They won't check you!" he shoots Horror a look "right?!"
Horror looks unhappy about being involved and a whole lot more nervous when Dust sends his glare in his direction "true... Only monsters can check in this universe. And they never even did it with me. It is seen as slapping someone to start a fight. Made a lot of people very nervous when i would not stop checking people on first instinct."
Killer grins at Dust "See? Perfectly fine!"
Dust rubs his face but Killer just smiles wider. He is getting through to him!
Dust groans as he leans back "This is such a stupid plan."
Cross clears his throat as he speaks "I... I euh... think Killer is right on this."
Killer and Dust both turn to him and speak in unison "What?!" though Killer can admit that he himself sounds a lot happier and Dust a lot angrier.
Cross looks nervous "It is just... Even when i met you guys first? I gravitated towards Dust because well... he seemed the least threatening at the time? Because... well.. you know... you normally look calm and collected and just bored... you are still shorter as your LV didn't affect you physically and only affected your magic and stats. Meaning... well... if people don't know about your LV?" he waves at Dust.
Dust slowly but surely gets a slightly horrified look on his face "No...." he glares a tKiller "no."
Killer go straight back to begging and smiles at Dust "please?"
Dust groans as he covers his face and leans fully agaisnt the couch. Nightmare gently pats his shoulder. Dust glances at Nightmare and keeps staring at him for a long time. Ngihtamre just tilts his skull at him.
Dust sighs and then lets out antoher sigh but this one a lot longer and louder "and... what exactly... did you have in mind?"
Killer grins widely as he climbs on top of the couch next to Dust, thank the fucking stars his knees were starting to hurt, and launches into the plan.
"The plan I had in mind is easy. We all went to the same school in some other country. We will keep this vague on purpose because we 'don't want to be found.' by who? Not important as they aren't real and we in the lore aren't risking it. One day, lets say..." he glances at Dust. Dust still looks young just exhausted and unhealthy "lets say we were 16 ish. maybe 17ish." that would make Dust now like 22 or 23ish. Seeing as they all were stuck in timeloops and universe hopping makes ages weird as for the fact as skeletons it is hard to guess by looks. It doesn't really matter in the long run. They will get a random age on their new papers and roll with that.
Dust raises a brow but keeps listening. Killer continues "So. lets say you were 17ish and suddenly. boom. no longer going to school and no contact with us, your three besties. the bestest besties to have ever bestied!" Cross rolls his eye lights but Horror and Nightmare both snort. Killer grins "So we finish school. la-di-da. when. say... about a year after you diappeared you just showed up again. Said you had a relationship. got a babybones. but the asshole run off wiht said babybones!" he grins as he has everyones attention.
"We work together and start looking but the guy, or gal, who has the tiny baby is high in power. political wise, only local though as bigger would have been noticed. and dusty and the baby had been completely kept out of the spotlight so no one was aware, whcih is also why no one every said anything about dust just being gone or being kept quiet bla blah let them make assumptions on what happened in this time. It took us a lot of time to figure out where nighty was kept. and we just. stole him back! then we ran and we went to crop because one, other country, two, Horror trusted him and we trusted horror!" and he throws his arms out.
Cross frowns "won't people demand to know more? To bring whoever did that to dust and nightmare to justice." dust sputters about them not having settled on this yet but Cross just gives him a smile before focussing back on Killer.
Killer shakes his skull "Not if we play our parts right. we don't want to risk it ever again. No one is looking for nightmare because our 'enemy' had kept him hidden and unknown to make sure no one asked questions about his health or what they did to him. Which now makes it impossible for them to look for him because he technically doens't exist because of that. Whcih works because none of us technically exist."
horror gives a slow nod "We gave up everything to help our friend and his babybones. and are trying to start completely anew." Dust sputters again.
Killer grins "that is the plan!"
Dust covers his face as he leans back "This is so stupid. how many dramas did you watch to GET this idea?!"
Killer hums proudly "haven't seen a single one since we left the castle!" he glances around and sees that cross and horror are both sold on his idea as well. It is a bit complex but they can stay general and vague as they don't have to use names or places because they are trying to stay hidden. all that leaves is the most important part of the plan. He looks begging at Dust and gives his best begging face "please?"
Dust looks to the side "ask cross! His magic and looks also work!"
Horror shakes his skull "Cross obviously works out and is and looks taller and stronger than both you and Killer, not to forget healthier than you. Won't fit the mental image they will have of someone who could be used, abused and abandoned."
Dust looks very, very, offended after that sentance and Horror is very quick to realise this and apologise.
Killer pouts at Dust "please dust. The alternatives would have to eitehr explain why you would claim a random babybones not your own and how you even found out about him. Which would cause a lot of questions. and if we don't go this route but keep you as bioparent it would raise questions on how the hell you as a badass would EVER allow anyone to take your babybones without raising bloody hell. which would ahve to include a friend of some kinda betraying you and then how could you trust us near or a friend of a friend you know?"
Killer knows he is just saying a lot of words at the moment and Dust looks deeply unhappy about the whole situation.
Dust covers his face but glances at Ngihtmare again before groaning louder "Fine!! Fine fine fine!" he glares at him "we will do you stupid stupid plan and stupid story but I swear you own me BIIIIIIG time."
Killer grins and hugs dusty "you are the best dusty! Thank you!! You will see this is fine! just in the beginning people will act weird but once we are settled and a bit of time passed and things are chill it will all work out!" Killer nuzzles close to Dust "It even explains that you would know more personally about Nightmare's situation and can help him when answering hard questions because you would have been in the same hell as he was for a little while!" Dust just grumbles with crossed arms, which are now holding Nightmare close. Clearly the real motivation to even accept this situation.
Killer will have to gravel a LOT to make it up to Dust for this but that is okay! This just gives them options and the backstory to make other options and paths work! Dust will probably eventually forgive him and otherwise Killer can beg a bit more. it clearly worked once already!
*----------*
and that is the backstory they settling on!
In short: Dust is a late teen parent. had a relationship with someone, much older much more adult with political power. That someone hurt and isolated him. Dust got the babybones wiht them. This person, stole nighty, and left Dust somewhere in anouther country alone with nothing to his name. Dust, the vengeful and resistent guy he is. Makes his way ALL the way back home to his old hometown, still nothing to his name not even a high school degree, gets into contact with his old friends. With said friends they get all the resources they have and start searching for the asshole and get Dust his babybones back. It took them a while to get him back, six years, but they managed to find where the asshole had hidden Nightmare. Stole Nightmare. and made a run for it to get all the way to Crop.
That is the backstory/lore they settled on! :D Dust is unhappy about his roll in it even if it gives him priveledges with deciding stuff for Nightmare. it is a double edged sword.
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sapphim · 2 years ago
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obsessed with Shepard dying and being reconstructed by Cerberus. waking in a body you don't recognize, free of scars, a clean slate, unlived in. minor tweaks here and there, "upgrades" unasked for, cybernetic or bioengineered. 20/10 vision, too crisp and clear. a more efficient liver. old L3 biotic implant replaced with cutting-edge technology. forcibly assigned übermensch. have you been cloned, or merely Ship of Theseus'd? if they cloned you once, would they do it again? could you be activated as a sleeper agent? would you have any way of knowing? they say that paranoia is a sign of reaper Indoctrination. is it really paranoia if you have good cause?
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dragonpyre · 2 months ago
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Love being proven right about someone with rancid vibes. Feels like winning the karma lottery
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canisonicscrewyou · 6 months ago
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my eye-spy sitcom best friendcore ass apartment. btw. just thought you should know. I kind of recommend zooming in if you want to.
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Constant Visual Stimulation. No Escape.
bonus: the newest addition that we stole rescued from my place of work yesterday after taking these pics. a lovely lady.
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raiiny-bay · 7 months ago
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made the rest of kel's apocalypse crew :-)
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shalom-iamcominghome · 4 months ago
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Since you’re really getting into the world of Jewish music, have you heard of chilik frank ? He’s a chossid who does ashkenaz/Klezmer. My absolute fav song from him is a song called ‘Rabi meir omer’ !
Ughh one thing I love about kletzmer is the emphasis on clarinet so many songs have. It makes me want to pick mine back up and play this by ear...
As well, this is how it feels to play clarinet:
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#ask#jumblr#jewish music#when i was first learning clarinet in school we all had a music book and i always gravitated toward playing the jewish or kletzmer-ish song#i didn't know it was kletzmer or jewish but i knew i absolutely LOVED playing that style of music#i have ALWAYS adored how that music style has sounded. deep in my heart i knew i belonged in a kletzmer band#anon thank you <3#i SERIOUSLY need to get my claronet out but i don't know how i'd explain to my family why i'd be playing obviously 'foreign' music#i haven't picked up my clarinet in years........#do reeds expire ....#i love learning songs by playing them by ear. i learned a lot of songs through this and even made claronet parts to songs that don't have i#i'd walk around during marching band practice with my earbud in playing parts over and over. i bet it was annoying to my peers LMAO#my toxic trait was listening to music while marching and playing music (not during comps obviously just during band camp)#it was so bad i listened to one song eight hours a day (more like ten) every day for two weeks#even AFTER band camp i would replay it on my walk to my ex's house. and it was a twenth minute walk or so. it was BAD.#UMMM. apparently reeds DO expire. funny. some of my reeds i used for half a year or more#and these websites are saying to replace them biweekly? no way. no fucking way#i don't care. i'll let my reeds grow a culture of their own if they play well (slight hyperbole)#vandorens are GREAT but they're pricy. i am NOT shelling out my life savings for three reeds
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astarlightmonbebe · 11 months ago
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it's easy to read the situation between li tongguang, ruyi, and yuanzhou as a love triangle on a superficial level, but looking even one step further, it's clear that there's no triangle about it. li tongguang is obsessed with ren xin; ning yuanzhou is devoted to ren ruyi. ltg's obsession is fervent and all consuming, but it's not devotion. like ruyi herself notes, his feelings to her are on the basis of her as a mother figure in his life, as a replacement for what he never received from his mother. is there an element of romantic/sexual love/desire to it? maybe. more likely he's deluded himself into thinking that, because the truth is, it's doubtful that ltg even understands what love is (platonic, filial, familial, romantic, all of the above, etc), because he has no basis for understanding. ruyi's teachings and actions towards him are the closest thing he has to hold up as an example. what he wants is ren xin, is a replica of the master he had. he doesn't want ruyi, because he doesn't actually care about ruyi. therefore, he doesn't care if she's sad, angry, mad; he just can't bear her 'abandoning' him. we saw this way back when she first meet and left him, both at thirteen and seventeen. although he distrusts her first, she saves his life and cares for him in the way no one else has, hence her first being raised on a platform in his mind. when she leaves for good, ending their master-disciple relationship/training, even though it's for official business and she's not abandoning him, in his mind that's exactly what it is. so now that she's in his life again, he won't let her leave again. he was powerless before, a child with no proper name, but now he's a recognized member of the imperial family, a man who can meet her as 'equals' (even when that's far from the truth). as a child, he could only cling to her legs and beg her, but now he has the power to keep her by his side. it's telling that when he finally gets confirmation of her identity, it's not ning yuanzhou he seeks to harm (even though he detests him and their relationship), but yang ying. yang ying is ruyi's new disciple, and as ltg doesn't know she's a woman, he only sees her as his direct replacement.
ning yuanzhou, on the other hand, is devoted to ruyi. he wants to build a new life and future with her, instead of slotting her into a spot in the life he already has. he's someone who accompanies her on walks and makes her midnight snacks, who holds her when she needs to be held and lets her go when she needs to do things on her own. when she speaks her mind, he listens, even when it makes him discontent/it's not what he wanted/wants to hear. he sees her unabashedly as his equal, and though he acknowledges her skills and abilities, or points out her naivety, he never does it to belittle her; to him, she is his peer, deserving of the highest honor and respect. he trusts her to have his back, and she has come to trust him to have her. he did what she might have thought no man would ever do: he proved himself reliable, so she came to rely on him. yuanzhou gives her freedom and autonomy as both ren ruyi and ren xin. of course they run into problems, but they both learn and grow from them, as individuals and as a couple. yuanzhou's belief in her is unwavering, but adaptable, whereas ltg's is unwavering, but frozen in time, disallowing for any new information to be presented. yuanzhou works with ruyi to accept the changes thrown her way; he seeks the core behind her actions in order to better understand her. li tongguang cannot accept the changes in ruyi's character, because they run contrary to the master he has on a pedestal in his mind.
what li tongguang wants is to return to the past, but yuanzhou offers ruyi the promise of a future, even one that might never come to fruition. there's no triangle about it.
#star stumbles#my thoughts#a journey to love#一念关山#cdrama#written right after watching ep 26#hope i explained it well#honestly i have a lot more thoughts about this ep and ruyi/ltg but that's still a separate post that will happen. well sometime#maybe after ep 32 idk#it's just the juxtaposition between entering a room that is a shrine to the person she is trying to leave behind#and going home to a man who makes her wonton soup and accompanies her on her revenge journey#who offers his own insights and thoughts but lets her lead the way when it comes down to it.#he gives her ultimate control over her own journey. and ruyi who has never had that freedom of course is drawn to him#oh and one more point that didn't make it in#ruyi's confrontation about how ltg is unwilling to give up his power and success is further proof of his obsession =/= love or devotion#it's not that ning yuanzhou WOULD necessarily give up those things if she asked him to#but he would respect her enough to let her go if he knew he was unwilling to give up his position#of course nyz right now is someone who is planning on retiring and living a quiet life away from it all#which is appealing to ruyi#but ltg obviously won't give up his name and success. he wanted an imperial name but now that he got it the avenue has opened up#we saw his big dreams early on in eps 4-5 (before the character butchery...though i can't really call it that since it makes sense#but still drives me insane)#and of course he won't! for a neglected illegitimate child with no power even gaining a sliver of it is just the beginning#and ruyi is honestly so far from the court in that she might have been close with empress zhaojie#but her understanding of the court is very ignorant. not in a bad way but she was a weapon so of course she didn't have to understand that#she just struck when told to. the power games of the court are basic knowledge but they still shock and confuse her#so it's also a thing about living two different lives and different paths#even though yuanzhou and her are on different ones theirs are still compatible#at this point in their lives. as they said earlier if they had met earlier they probably would be trying to kill each other
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