#and i cant think like that and i know its gonna get better and i just have to be patient
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build episode 37 thoughts:
- the suit actor for evol rabbit has a really nice ass
- the evol trigger doesn’t work even when he’s in sento’s body. i think it would be really funny if the reason why it fails is because he does not have love in his heart (ryusen love each other clearly that’s why the evol trigger works for them 😂)
- “sloppily possessing a human body is probably why i still can’t use the pandora box” no you’re just ugly
- I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. MY BABY
- HE CAN'T HENSHIN??!!?!?!?!?!?! IT'S SO FUCKING OVER YOU GUYS
- to be honest i thought the opening was kinda underwhelming when i first watched build but rn i'm in the middle of watching it and felt myself become teary-eyed what the fuck what the fuckkk
- 'my dna in you has been stripped away' oh okay so it's not selfcest then
- are we fucking serious
- my alien wife who is not an alien now so i cant even claim to be a monsterfucker anymore
- k-kazusen..(i get taken out the back and shot) (i really don't ship it as i am a senryu truther. but i would understand if this brought someone in a very deep rabbit hole..)
- my crackship (vernage and evolt)
- i wonder if evolt's personality changes slightly depending on who is his host (eg. becoming more curious about how humans work when he's with sento, aggressively attacking the country while he was with banjo, loving the 'game' and being playful while he was with soichi)
- in my head evolt isn't really a person in the conventional sense, but a culmination of impulses, the aggregation of desire and instinct. just like how the pandora box aroused the hidden ambitions and ruthlessness of everyone exposed to it, evolt for me at the moment is the personification of all these stray impulses, who does technically have its own thoughts but mostly goes along with the stupid selfish desires of those around it
- banjo asking gentoku to make him a rider as if gentoku wasn’t chilling by the sofa as the guys with actual illegal experiment knowledge aren’t the ones gassing the smashes up
- “i can’t do that for you. i don’t know a thing about science” i started tearing up giggling 😭😭 YEAH LIKE I SAIDDD
- “i got the job…” …BECAUSE OF NEPOTISM!??? IS HE GONNA ADMIT TO BEING A NEPO HIRE 😭
- 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
- this heated drama between men..
- “but i ended your girlfriend’s life” yeah damn his guilt runs deep because even EYE forgot about that
- nothing is funnier to me atm than kazumin and banjo setting their grudges aside to ask gentoku for help and he just. “I KILLED YOUR FRIENDS DO YOU REMEMBER‼️”
- gentoku: i killed your girlfriend
banjo: exactly.
gentoku: so why are you asking me
banjo: because of that, i didn’t want to lose anyone i cared about
second kasumi-sento parallel oh wow oh mann
- BANJO’S VOICE CRACKED OHHHHH EIJI AKASO YOU’RE DOING TOO MUCH YOUR CHARACTER SO TRAGIC YOUR SETTING TOO QUEER
- SENTO’S PHONE CALLING ENOUGHHHHHH
- i had to pause for a moment and stare outside because i had tears in my eyes when evolt said “even if you won’t see sento again?” GUYS PLEASE THIS BIG BAD VILLAIN OF THE SEASON IS A ONE-TRICK PONY ASS CLOWN AND YALL FALL FOR IT EVERY SINGLE TIME 😭😭
- evolt isn’t a mastermind he’s just a guy who discovered that if you threaten sento or banjo the other guy will for SURE do what you want . he just stumbled upon this bullshit cheat code and started using it every single goddamn time
- inukai looks really good acting like a villain asshole
- “i can erase his personality whenever i feel like it” ok now i’m not laughing
- kazusen..
- KAZUSEN… why are they getting moments all of a sudden.. stop it..
- jagaimo 😭😭😭😭😭😭 okay 🥔
- WAIT HE’S RIGHT…TOUTO HOKUTO SEITO RIDERS..TEAM UP..
- “but i can help build for a better one” HAHA
- MY WIFE😭😭😭
- AI WA MAKENAI 😭😭😭😭😭
- MAGMA WASN’T HIS FINAL FORM!?!?!!😭😭
- “we’ll create a future using the power you gave me” Ok
- i started tearing up cackling again what the actual FUCK banjo ryuga 😂🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
- HE’S BACK. ah. evolt!sento lasting for exactly two episodes…
- black hole… SHINDA HENSUU DE KURIKAESU. KAZOE KOTO GA HARANDA NETSU
- SENRYU REUNITING..! ALSO THE WAY BANJO CALLED OUT SENTO’S NAME…AUUUUUU
- “… you are—“ oh SHIT IS THIS KATSURAGI
- WE’RE HIT WITH A GODDAMN AMNESIA PLOT??!!!!!! FUCK OFF 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
- i hate it here
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Three Cheers for sweet revenge plot song by song according to me
My credentials are that uhmm ive listened to this album like weekly since i was like 12 and uhm im taking english A-Level (crime and tragedy) sooooo
Full disclaimer i could do a line by line analysis on pretty much all of these songs but then this would be stupidly long so im just touching on the points or lyrics i think are most important for the plot! Oh and i cant spell and im trieddd of writing academic essays so im kinda yapping ngl
HELENA
honestly i barely have anything to say here but i imagine its the demo woman’s funeral (yes ik its abt Gerard ways grandma but let me cook) kind of setting the tone and exploring his grief, creating the circumstances for his deal with the devil - especially in the bridge.
GIVE EM HELL KID
Ok so here!! Is where i start to have more to say!! So in my head the man (im just gonna call them tje man and the woman or like he/she from here on) has accepted the deal with satan to kill 1000 evil men and is basically on a killing spree? So from my immense medical knowledge of watching house im preity sure epidrene is a steroid, which like gives him energy (interestingly ive been on them a few times for asthma and they have a long list of mental side effects such as uhhh mania (fall out boy whooo) anxiety and depression which maybe foreshadows his sorta insanity towards the end as his guilt haunts him) acting as a symbol of his immense motivation to see his wife again, so verse one especially is before his downfall where hes like yippee killing people to see my wife again!! The chorus i imagine is sang by both him and the woman in heaven as they both long for each other uhm and later on in the song it does seem as if hes begining to kind of loose it a bit due to his grief? kind of foreshadowing his well everything later on in the album. In the bridge i imagine hes kind of mocking their teenage selves (linking to im not okay later on) especially in the line “we are young and we dont care” criticicing their hopefullness by comparing it to their current circumstance - ironic as it only gets worse from here.
TO THE END
Now i know this is based on a rose for emily (i tried to read it and there were a LOT of slurs from what i remeber so that was yeah) but for the sake of my silly little narrative were kinda just not gonna touch on that. So here i believe the man has been set to kill this couple, just to find the wife has killed her husband (with the “cyanide you drank” i assume) which drives him into a sort of crisis, questioning if this was what would have happened to him and his wife if she had lived and they had stayed married for this long (fueling his sexuality crisis in prison). I could go so much further into this, especially language wise but for the sake of everyones sanity ill leave it here :)
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO GUYS LIKE US IN PRISION
so hes literally in the middle of a gunfight in the centre of a resturant and the police come and theyre like come with ur arms raised high and ok so!!! Theres many people who could explain this better than me but the man gets arrested for killing all these people and gets sent to jailllll. Ive heard some people talk about it as an allegory for SA in prison and others who talk abt it as him realising his gay/bi ect and honestly i can see both. I really like the line “too much to late or just not enough of this, pain in my heart for your dying wish, i kiss your lips again!” Which, running with the latter intrepretation, suggests hes feeling regret for all the murdering hes done and is questioning if he ever did love his wife this much, and if he should move on and fix his mistakes. So to make a long story short he has a sexuality crisis in prision! Toward the end, he escapes prision and with his “friends” from jail, lilely from setting it on “fire” (i got the friends bit from the lyric “but ill go down with my friends”) escaping jail but at the cost of further loosing his sanity and grasp on morality.
IM NOT OKAY (I PROMISE)
for conveniences sake he either gets knocked out (the giggles at the end of prision i guess beinf from a concussion or something?) or just like goes to sleep somehwhere after the prison break with the other ex inmates and has a flashback to his time in high school, when he fell in love with his wife. As an audienve were kinds like dude she did not like you back then calm down which makes us question the morality of his mission, but for him it reminds him of what hes fighting for and erases the doubt he had in their love in to the end and prison. I will say im kinda pidgenholing this in with the flashback but uhm yeah!
THE GHOST OF YOU
This song acts as a continuation of his grief, back in the present day after im not okay made him remember what he was doing this all for. This basically confirms his belief that killing all these people is right because he needs to see her again. He battles with his morality knowing that she should be “never coming home” cause shes dead but then considering the deal with satan and its morality asking himself “could i? Should i?”. Towards the end, it seems like he decides killing the men to bring her back is the right thing to do. the line “If i fall, down” seems to show his commitment to her regardless of morality, hes willing to ‘fall down’ to hell if it means he gets more time with her which is ironic as he later does go to hell, but never gets to see her again.
THE JETSET LIFE IS GONNA KILL YOU
and hes back to killing again!! I think “her killing jar” is a metaphor for his fixation on his wife and the things its driving him to do. Hes trapped as if he was in a jar by the deal he made with satan for her. Its kind of difficult to explain but essentially hes assuring himself that hes doing it all for her and its all worth it as his sanity slowly dissipates, which i believe is demonstrated through the lyric “pull the plug” kinda symbolising hes giving up on himself and dedicating everything to her. Now this is obviously unhealthily obsessive and is the point where we definately start to question if what hes doing is right - is he not essentially playing god now? Should one man act as judge, jury and executioner?
INTERLUDE
ok its literally just the interlude but here i beleive he is praying for god, the “saints”, to “protect” his wife in heaven further showing his like motive? For all of his murders - his love for her however dangerously codependant.
THANK YOU FOR THE VENOM
HE KILLS MORE PEOPLE 🔥🔥 its almost like he has to kill 1000 evil men damn. BUT now hes starting to loose his grip on reality and is killing innocent people. I like to think he goes to the church he married his wife in and starts killing people - hence the line “sister im not much a poet but a criminal” - hes changed completely from the man he once was. They try to convince him to like stop saying its not what his wife would have wanted but he does not listen - in the lyric “preach all you want but whos gonna save me” - and continues to spiral into a life of crime and implied addiction (when in the chorus he says “give me all your posion and give me all your pills”)
HANG EM HIGH
THIS!! This is the one i can never fully figure out despite it being so good 🙏🙏 it feels like a cop out to say he suddenly becomes a cowboy or idk has to kill a cowboy but any other way i can interpret it is just the same old back to mourning his wife and dedicating his life to her so uhm yeah take any of those 3 or your own and run with it (please tell me if you know how to make this fit better than me)
ITS NOT A FASHION STATEMENT ITS A FUCKING DEATHWISH
Hes now so deep into his mission he cant quit despite the regret he feels. This kind of links back to his mocking of their younger selves in give em hell through the lyric “do you remeber back there when we met you told me this gets harder, well it did!”. Hes kind of pondering how his life got this bad wishing it didnt have to be this way. however he believes they will soon be reunited - evidenced through lines such as “im coming back from the dead” and the repeated references to resserection and him finding his wife, “your running out of places, to hide from me”. At the end, he says “i lost my fear of falling, i will be with you”, further showing he thinks he will soon see his wife again and simmilarly to the ghost of you shows hes willing to sacrafice his soul just to see her again
CEMETERY DRIVE
trust me the fake music video in my head for this goes HARD. So he visits the cemetary where his wife is buried to kinda tell her in a way? That hes almost finished and he’ll see her soon. And in my like the cool cinemetic imaganary music video he dances with her ghost but uhm plot wise hes kinda lamenting how much he misses here as the chorus goes “i miss you, so far”. Now theres some confusion as to how she died as here it says “and they found you on the bathroom floor” but in i never told you it says “they gave us two shots to the back of the head” so i imagine he got caught up in some like bad stuff and they killed her in their home - the bathroom - which does add some depth to his grief as he feels responsable for her death hence why he wants to bring her back so bad. His dedication to her is reinforced through the lyric “so i wont stop lying wont stop dying” which as ive said a lottt shows his like questionably large levels of motivation in this mission from satan. The repetition of “way down” at the end foreshadows the twist in the next song - that he's going to hell - and this idea has been building up throughout the narrative but its reaching its peak now and we begin to see it as a serious possibility considering the innocent people he has killed alongside the guilty ones.
I NEVER TOLD YOU WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING
Aaaaand im realising ive made it all the way through this without even having to check the tracklist which shows that i lack a life! But anyways this song communicates the concept so well and i genuienly could line by line delve into it but for the sake of conciceness as i have been i will just cover the basic concept
OK SO! Hes metholodically getting through this list (im inferring he has a list from the line “i keep a book of the names”) kind of rushing through them, seen through the fast pace of the first verse, in my head it resembles a video montage of the murder of multiple people off of the list. This is further evidenced through the lyric “another knife in my hands” showing this has somehow become his everyday life as hes become so detached from normalicy in his grief. NOW NOW NOW the lyric “a stain that never comes off the sheets” is an allusion to lady Macbeth (I FREAKING LOVE SHAKESPEARE) (im a hamlet girl tho honestly) where she couldnt wash the blood off of her hands which is a common literary symbol for guilt showing his mission has taken a massive toll on him mentally if we did not already realise this. “It aint the money and it sure as hell aint just for the fame” implies he does not enjoy killing these people despite the fact hes killed probably over a thousand people which againnnn shows his dedication to his wife. Now i know ive said that about a billion times but thats important to consider when we take into account that he does not get to see her again - everything he did was essentially worthless, in fact if anything everything he did just sealed his fate. Therefore, if we view him as a tragic hero (i can go so much more into this but thats for another day) then his hamartia is his love for her, his loyalty which kinda gave him tunnel vision meaning he could not see the flaws his plan and the way he was being exploited by satan.
now theres so much symbolism in the lyrics i could discuss (I LOVE THIS SONG) but i will refrain and kinda skip forward to the bridge/the end. I like to think he turns the last page in his book of names to just see his own name and then begins to spiral - this is where the song goes “and we all fall down”. Im preitty sure gerard ways like screams say “i tried” which like furthers this breakdown as he comes to understand all the wrong he has done and his inevatatable damnation. After a large moral debate he thinks it would have been better if they were both killed together originally “never again / they gave us two shots to the back of the head” and he shoots himself in the hope he will eventually be with her in the afterlife, and if not then a life without her is not a life worth living anyways. It ends with the lyric “were all dead now” (which they are) which reminds me of the rhyme/ game from when i was a kid ring a rosies (which i swear is about the plauge) and how that ends by saying “we all fall down” kinda showing the corruption he brought into the world and that everything must come to an end. This is typical of a tragic hero - his anagorisis (realisation of his flaw / mistake) and then his death - which is why i personally do veiw this album as mostly conforming to troupes of traditional greek tragedy :).
aaaaand thats it!! I dont count bury me in black or desert song as part of the album plot uhhh if anyone else does id love to hear how that sounds so cool but yeah!!! Oh and sorry again for any typos and spelling errors i cannot spell for the life of me uhmm this could be so incoherent for all i know (if so sorry!!) but i hope not 😛
lmk if you’d actualy wanna hear the full yap poetry annotation style for a song cause i love nothing more if not talking i might do the same for danger days if i feel like it so watch out 🔥🔥
#my chemical romance#three cheers for sweet revenge#three cheers for sweet revenge plot#tcfsr#mcr#Essay#kind of#meta post#I THINK IM NOT SURE THO#how do i tag this#writing#My chem
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I will try to describe why its also crucial to help Minrathous but, YES, Veilguard just failed to show it.
There are two scenarios - Blighted Treviso where you visually see in all details the consequences: corpses, suffering ill people everywhere, red skies, blighted waters and plants in any places etc etc, very grim. But also Treviso doesn't really cut much of content and makes even new quests or alternative ones, only Lucanis' story suffers it.
Then Minrathous where they failed to show it equally visually bad - you see hanged up Dragons and their supporters (tho you cant even say if all those people actually helped Dragons by any means) which is also terrible picture but thats all. Non-saved Minrathous doesn’t have additional quests to free people from Venatori or you don’t see any other new scenes of people suffering from this regime, like they made you see Crows and others suffering from the Blight. They cut you out from Shadow Dragons and all their allies, Neve's quest is also limited more, Ashur is doomed (also strong political figure aka BLACK DIVINE), you don't help to get rid of corrupted templars etc
It makes sense that Minrathous handled it better to survive an attack and not to be blighted like Treviso, BUT POLITICALLY it suffers greatly, even worse than before. This game wiped out the biggest problems of this country, just "trust me bro, there are many slaves lol". Now it has literal fasc*sts in power, by all means. Its not just "corruption", Antiva is also a corrupted country after all (where Crows are the only military force which is ridiculous, also considering that canonically they also had slaves but again, the game made them like a fun mafia family)
When a war with gods ends, thats where new problem starts - Tevinter is gonna be one of the strongest countries left. Ferendel and Orlais were doomed, what you see in Treviso is probably what happened in most of places there. We all know what it is when such terrible power and nationalist cults take over a strong country, like in real life *coughs*. Plus their war with Qunari can even worsen the situation. Venatori are everywhere anyway (since Inquisition) so what's gonna happen if they get military and political power of Tevinter? I don't take DATV ending with archon Dorian seriously because he just can't fight it with so little power of slaughtered Shadow Dragons.
Many people save Treviso also because as if Minrathous doesn't deserve help, like bad magisters and all. But this country lives on slaves (who can be both kidnapped people from other lands or their own citizens who sold themselves out of desperation) so the question is... most of people like average mages, soporati and slaves are not innocents who deserve life, they don't deserve to be saved from Venatori who see them as a dirt and material for blood rituals? (Hello, Bellara, who cried about innocents of Treviso)
Sure, many things I say right now are my own thoughts based on experience from previous games and what I know of Tevinter in general, because Veilguard ACTUALLY doesnt make those problems equally bad as it had to - deadly plague or scary oppresive political regime of cultists.
It had to be up to a player to believe what they think is worse but narrative punishes Minrathous more (if you save it then watch horrors of Treviso but if you didnt it then lol whatever, dont worry about this place bc theres not much to do anymore).
That's very cool and dramatic but saying it to Shadow Dragon Rook was definetely more losing situation in this argument:
Mercar: Vishante kaffas, save your speech for others, I ran to save MY OWN CITY, YOU CRETIN
#da:tv#datv critical#dragon age#sorry for big text but it bothered me since forever#maybe im biased bc i was interested in Tevinter since listening to Fenris and then Dorian#and its lore is interesting#dragon age the veilguard#mystuff
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Hey, just wanted to reach out to say that I found you pointing out and calling this person was really great and you shouldn't have apologized. It was incredibly true what you said, and to be honest it seems out of touch with the reality of a great deal of the japanese fandom, the nuances and their culture. Also, it was as you pointed out, extreme and may I say rude. I want to mention too that the way it was written, as if entitled of the knowledge and the 'explanation' made it all worse in context of the 'fucked up'. The original poster always gets away by using the 'well-written academic'' statement of their 'metas' as an excuse to do or say and make everyone else agree and if not, uses victim narrative and discourses exactly selecting wording for people to agree on it or feel bad.
I don't know if they tagging you in the way they did made you reblog and apologizing/backing up, but no one thought bad about you pointing it out. On the contrary, a lot of people had been bullied and discriminated by this person when they called them out/disagreed going onto lenghts of sending their friends to harass people, and the other persons can't even defend themselves because they are effectively blocked. To quite a few people in the fandom has been done, even accusing them as 'acephobes' (when they're not) or even Nazis by spreading lies. So yeah, I just wanted to say that. I think you were right to call them out publicly.
Thank you very much for this ask. To be completely honest I agree with everything you said here and don't actually feel bad about pointing anything out. I mainly apologised because I didn't want any potentially poor phrasing from my side to cause unnecessary hostility and because I myself have gripes with this person's behaviour but didn't want to cause a scene.
My honest opinion is that they have a serious issue with taking accountability for their own mistakes and highly overestimate their own intellect. If you're reading this, @thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai, sorry if I seem harsh, but it's true. I saw your post lamenting how you're the only academic meta writer / fan in the fandom and I didn't interact then because I honestly do not care enough to start that drama but with the information Blonndiec has just given me, I think it's necessary that someone calls you out.
You're not an academic. You're not beyond the mental capabilities of other fans. You're actually incredibly childish in your metas and analyses and I am not kidding when I say that I was halfheartedly writing essays more academic than every analysis I've seen from you when I was barely a teenager. I don't know how old you are and I frankly don't care. You're not as clever as you think you are.
Also, don't think I didn't notice that you didn't reblog my correction (link here to my correction and here to their "response" for those who didn't see that exchange) of your post so that you could control what your followers saw of the exchange. You're the opposite of an academic. You control information to tailor the narrative, you don't cite your sources properly if at all, you don't format your posts in anything close to how an academic analysis would be, you make unbased claims, you reference posts and canon material without in any way indicating where that information is from, you reference your own (equally unacademic) metas and your conclusions from them without indicating what post it's from or that it's your own theory this new one is based on and instead present it as a common fact, and I could go on and on and on. Your posts are also riddled with logical fallacies and you talk in absolutes and opinions when there's no canon basis to claim such things. I'm sorry, but that's not academic in the slightest.
To be clear, you don't have to be an academic to post on the Internet. You don't have to be anything at all. You could up front be a genuine idiot with no remorse and that's fine. But when you claim to be an academic and also put down the rest of the fandom for not being on your level, you have to be able to back that up. It'd still make you sound like a prick but at least your arrogance would have a basis. It currently does not.
I haven't personally seen the discussions that Blonndiec is referencing and I'm not going to claim anything definitive (because that would be unacademic of me, take notes) but if what they're saying is true and did happen as described, which I have empirical, if anecdotal, evidence to believe could very well be (a friend of mine has personally been blocked by you after they criticised you without actually mentioning your name which I of course can't prove is the reason for the block but the timing is awfully convenient), you should know that you should be ashamed of yourself.
If there's context missing, feel free to enlighten me and call out any incorrect accusations. You have every right to defend yourself. However, I encourage you to cite your sources since you're such an academic. If you don't, then it's just your word against Blonndiec and anyone else who might comment's word and that doesn't prove anything. Don't misunderstand, acephobia and nazi rhetoric should absolutely be called out but only if it's actually happening. False accusations can ruin lives. I hope you know that.
I'm not a fan of calling people out publicly and, again, thank you for this ask, Blonndiec. But considering many of the issues I've personally seen and those I've been informed of by second hand sources were posted publically, I don't really feel bad about calling this out. I could do a full breakdown of just the insulting "academic" comments alone and how there's no academia to be found in said academic metas and, Samurai, if you give me reason to, I will show exactly what I mean point by point (and academically just to give you an example of even low level academia).
If you respond to this, do it in a reblog. That's what a real academic would do. If I'm wrong and you can prove it, you'd have no reason to not show my post in your rebuttal. If I'm right, you'd have every reason to be upfront about your mistakes and how you intend to rectify them. There's nothing wrong with being wrong but there's a lot wrong with refusing to admit to it in a way that lets others peer review you (academic thing, look it up) and come to their own conclusions about the situation. That's what you did when you just @'ed me instead of reblogging my response. A true academic wouldn't hide a peer review. You'd know that if you were one.
I swing in many academic spaces and yet that doesn't make me any kind of expert and I don't claim to be one because I'm not. But since you want to be one so badly, reblog this with a response and show us all how smart you are. I'm dying to know what your academic take on this is.
#sorry to any moots and followers reading this for going off like this#this has just been weighing on me for a long time#i have absolutely zero issue with someone just making posts about a thing they like and things they think about#it doesnt have to be any kind of academic in the slightest#citing sources is not necessary to be a part of fandom#but when you make such a bold and demeaning claim that actively puts down the very fandom you claim to be part of#im gonna get pissed#we are not your underlings and you are not better than anyone else#maybe this is my inner jantelov shining bright here but this is exactly what the modern jantelov is for#calling out people who think theyre better than the rest based on nothing but arrogance and ego#trust me this is not how i usually try to sort problems but ive had it and i think everyone should know#ive personally fallen victim to the “explain away with half baked arguments and appeals to emotion” tactic from people#its very easy to want to give people the benefit of the doubt#so as someone who knows and has experienced how easy it is to fall into that trap i want to point this out to those who might not notice#its very easy to miss#but i didnt miss it this time and im not letting anyone else miss it either#when you start forgiving this type of behaviour youre only a step away from letting them walk all over you#suddenly youre wrapped around their pinky and you wont notice until the light from the exit dims so much that you cant see at all#ive been there#im not letting you go there too#to be clear this isnt a this person issue but you have to catch this behaviour the moment you see it otherwise youll catch it too late#im only being this up front about it because i want you to be able to recognise when someone actually dangerous does it#its a kind of pipeline#i want you to notice in time#ask#yuri on ice
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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Day 335 | id in alt
Being desperate to end the fight might make you even worse off in the long run, Shoko.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#shoko ieri#ieri shoko#utahime iori#Kugisaki opening her eye not even fully like all the way knowing her shit yet and immediately getting shot with 1 Ml of Adrenaline#Shoko actually regretting her actions for once#Kugisaki probably going through the most insane shit right now she probably cant feel any of her limbs at the moment#dont shoot adrenaline into a fresh out the coma child Shoko#The funniest part is. Shoko didn't train to actually do this medical shit she foes autopsy's bro she dosent know how much the body can#the body can take#Shoko does not know she probably gave Kugisaki more brain damage#Shes just sitting there with a fucked up girl using her technique#Because they BOTH dont know whats going on#utahime is tweaking the fuck out but shes gonna be okay(she'll be thinking about it for years)#Kugisaki was in a state of genuine disability where she had to be cared for by others that didn't know what they were doing#Shoko STILL dosent know. Its not her fault shes used to dealing with corpses#shoko becoming a presudo caretaker of Kugisaki because she feels guilty about this massive fuck up#Shoko probably thought she was just like the higher ups in that moment and had to stare at a wall#Kugisaki wigging out and shes half fucked in a state of limbo because DAMN that idle transfiguration made her believe she DIED#Anything to win the fight against the king of curses y'know#Nobody really knows about what happened except Shoko. Utahime and Kugisaki herself so. And you know theyre not gonna say anything#youd have better chances talking to a rock#why did i make this? my brain spiraled
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Jitterbug
#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it#and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago#bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall#im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot#i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T#because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks#at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better#its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh#in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats#mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year#i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping#my art#myart#doodles#personal#diary
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haven't listened to the anthology yet, but i do think her music is suffering from the sheer quantity she's putting out while doing all this other stuff tbh. feels more like an overproduced electronic cashgrab than real layered music despite some tortured lyrics. like ttpd the first half has such a sameness to over half of it.... and that sameness is tied to midnights too imo. i really wish i could experience the joy of albums like 1989/folklore/evermore and def her country earlier stuff but. she can be a lyric writing machine (she needs someone to veto some of it thoughnfjdkfjd feels like no one can tell her no) but not lean on the exact same production style for this long bc it's kinda getting old to me and i really do enjoy so much of her discography like 😭😭😭 idk. i know swifties are just gonna eat up whatever she does, and i've always been in between the absolute worshipping crowd and the absolute hater crowd but some of the music/production part is so uninspired.
#where are the real instruments like truly fhjdjd where are rhe layers#i want to enjoy it but i had like 5 songs i marked thst ill even listen to more than twice HDJDJ and i did the same for midnights#like its jsut......#like shes a billionaire but it feels like if she pauses for a second shes gonna die like no. fbdndj sometimes ruminating is good#in some ways its like the perfect encapsulation of whats going on w society#i would love an album where she goes back to country roots a bit more tbh just to hear what she could do#its where shes always excelled imo#ANYWYA just first thoughts. ill listen to the second half when i get home from work but like#how many surprise albums can you drop n stuff before things become less of a surprise snd more of an expectation like#w that much contrnt you cant be putting your all into it lol. some of it feels half assed snd you can tell#inauthentic despite any vulnerability in the lyrics....... when i know she has made better is just so jfksk disappointing#this is not me being a hater fhjd feel like i will always give her music a try 10000% but also i hate being disappointed this much in a row#and i think its good to critically discuss things u enjoy at times
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Oh my God a fucking " anti-transandrophobia truther" perisex fuck wrote word for word, in a massive fucking post " I wonder if intersex people know being Intersex affects your gender" (NO SHIT???)
And!
" I'm pretty sure all the afab/cafab (coercive meaning ya know ... GENITAL MUTILATION OF INTERSEX BABIES FORCING THEM INTO THE AFAB IDENTITY. The whole camab/cafab thing was stolen from the intersex community.) intersex people who claim the transfem title don't actually have transfem experiences"(regardless of the kind of the type of intersexuality they are?? You are just outting yourself as someone totally fucking blind to actual intersex experiences.)and! " They need their own term because they don't 'fit'". They tried to dress up the offensive bigoted nonsense they just spewed by trying to make it sound like they had our best interests at heart and "shouldn't be forced into using perisex language".... You are litterally trying to push intersex people you don't like out of our terminology to other them .... This literally reeks of literal terf rhetoric " most intersex lean one way and therefore shove them under that label" like...
Ur both intersexist freaks and bigots just in different ways. Imagine trying to claim you care about intersex people then try to determine our labels for us and push us in the way you think we should go regardless of our actual fucking lived experiences because you don't like sharing the transfem community with people who've experienced both transmysogny and transmascphobia. Not to even mention the fact the last time people tried to make a term to talk about their experiences, you've not shut up about it in years and called it a mens rights movement to try and silence an entire fucking portion of the trans community so you don't have to care about them. You literally fucking said " trans men experience both transphobia and mysogny but not at the same time (we do????) but trans women do" ok and ur blind to Transmasc issues because you think that nonsense and we are the same as cis men. Ur blind to our issues in the way you accuse us of being blind to your issues but only expect us to shut up and listen.
Anyway, denying that trans men can't face their own issues while also ignoring any trans man who disagrees with you and then attempting to delegitimize all intersex people who look you dead in the face in the transfem and Transmasc playing fields and tell you ur wrong...
Bro just say you hate Transmascs and anyone who might be slightly aligned with them and go home you intersexist piece of shit.
Also the whole " stop calling anti-transandrophobia truthers baddels! That's something specific"
My brother in CHRIST, THEY ARE LITTERALLY UNIRONICALLY IN THE USERNAMES OF THE PEOPLE YOU REBLOG FROM. BULLSHIT.
Anyway the fact y'all are all fucking white trans women and CONSTANTLY bring up black and indigenous people's experiences with gender while also being unironic baddels aka a horrifically abusive to trans men (including rape) and racist ASF movement within your community tells me everything i need to know as a native american two spirit intersex person with no "lean" whose experienced transmysogny and transandrophobia.
This is why they don't trust you motherfuckers, you got no class, just entitlement and weak ass attempts at silencing people you already hate and a weird trauma fetish for black and indigenous people. There is over lap between the transfem experiences and bipoc experiences but there is also an overlap between Transmasc and bipoc experiences, nonbinary and bipoc, like almost everyone can relate to our shit, ur not special 😭 leave us alone and don't use our oppression to try and legitimize your fundamentally transphobic views.
#levi speaks#cant make this shit up#transandrophobia#transandrophobia truther#intersexist#perisexist#perisexism#anti intersex#baddel#baddels#transmysogyny#transmisogny#/do intersex people know ur gender can be weird because your intersex?! 😯/ is the sky blue???#its got /do mexicans know about texmex?/ energy like yeah we do why are you infantilizing us#not just that but trying to delegitimize the identities and experiences of intersex people you deem /too close/ to afab#like just say you hate afab people and go home with your alt right white cis bf who hides your identity from his family#go back to /cancelling out/ your cis bf's vote 😮💨 we are gonna actually focus on getting shit done#go back to ignoring that abortion is a trans issue and exclusively focusing on bathroom bans and acting like trans men#feel safe in men's restrooms cause they dont lol#ive watched terrified traumatized passing trans men read a room and flee into the women's bathroom and still get harassed by terfs#out here claiming terfs treat trans men better#THEY WRITE 900 WORD CONVERSION RAPE FANFIC ABOUT US#they call for our deaths the same way they call for yoursel#sitting there making shit up about how transmascs will have terf followers and transfems wont#ok just say you think alll afab people are terf dyke hairy ugly feminists and go back to calling cis women fish fuck off lol#they litterally scream at transmascs who feel more allyship with cis butches than cis men then cuddle up to raciat white gays#ok boo sure boo you got it boo 😂😂😂#like im a trans woman i know most of us armt like these trash ladies but they specific have this sort look down their nose looks#and sincerely think they as het white trans women with cis bfs are the most oppressed demographic#and i just have to sit over here and belly laugh hun you are the cishet white man of the trans community and ur not even a man
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i'm thiiiiis close to just blocking the whole j/v tag and/or the individual tags for both characters :)))
#and like. i do like them actually. i would have been happy to see them get together#(honestly if we get right down to it im a 'j has two hands' truther but thats besides the point)#but theyre doing that thing again where its Fucking Everywhere drowning out content i actually want to see. im irritated#i cant open the main tag anymore without seeing those two and almost nothing else and its been Months#'ummm this is the gayest thing ive EVER seen!' you just watched two women fuck on screen.#'c/v are TOXIC and so you CANT ship them' 1. wrong#2. whoooo gives a fuck. i dont care and i know you dont either#3. theyre the only canon couple who never literally tried to kill each other#'ohh theyre just Better Written!' not a new argument and not a good one either. convenient how men are always just better huh#levi.txt#yes this IS brought on by that 'i hope jakey dies' post but also its been sitting in my drafts for a month. this has Been on my mind#tldr i really just think the whole thing is a great microcosm of fan misogyny/lesbophobia#no matter what lesbians/wlw do were always going to have this impossibly high bar of moral purity/quality to reach in comparison#gotta be on screen/not queerbait but not explicit. not boring but not toxic. etc etc#and even when smth gets close its STILL never ever going to appeal as much as the possibility of men and The Implications#this is one thing im not gonna be nice abt anymore sorry. im normally pretty patient but yall get mean levi for one post#im so beyond tired of this shit in damn near every fucking fandom i join its been over 10yrs and nothing has changed#i feel alienated in just abt every popular fandom bc nobody will ever shut the fuck up abt white boy of the month no 579#it happens every time i get into smth that doesnt primarily have a fanbase of other wlw#and even then its not guaranteed that it wont eventually turn into that!#and im INCREDIBLY tired of people acting like wlw are all crazy bitches ruining everyones fun for pointing it out#anyway i might delete this later ive just been having a lot of feelings abt it#dont argue w me you cant change my mind. if you disagree simply do not interact w this post for both our sakes
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idk sometimes seeing all the hate gege gets makes me sad. :( like I know alot of it is jokes/memes, but there are some people that are very serious and weird about it
#praying the extra volume content thats releasing in afew days doesnt make the fandom too crazy#like seeing ppl already getting ready to hate bc theres supposedly epilogue stuff w/ ozawa and theyre saying geges gonna ruin itafushi ????#pls dont let this become like what happened with the final volume of mha#gege get behind me-#when ppl get mad and say he doesnt know how to write his own characters :(#.....like have u ever considered that perhaps your interpretation of the character just doesnt match with canon#which is fine bc its all fiction and people can interpret however they want#but its so frustrating when they insult the actual creator for how they write the character#like ???? thats their own oc im pretty sure they know them better than you 💀#idk i think it has a lot to do with hcs that become almost universally accepted by the fandom people forget that they are hcs#ppl talking about gege like hes some irl villain playing 5dchess to make his readers suffer and everything he doee is of malicious intent#and then u go read an actual interview with him and its like: my pen name (gege akutami) basically means useless trash . i hate myself and#have self esteem issues so i have no idea why people actually like and support my lame ideas and cant believe it. thank u so much for all#the support it really means alot. ok now back to self deprecating#😭😭😭
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victorian style haunted house that has dysphoria about not being an open concept minimalist hellhole, before we even have those, so it doesnt know why it just feels sooo miserable and has to lash out at everyone inside it, so its wretched and haunted the whole time, until its finally bought by a house flipper in the 2020s who knows JUST how to fix it
#toy txt post#it lives right next door to the victorian house thats violently resisting the open concept minimalism for itself#actually WAIT. i have a still unnamed witch oc that lives in an open concept modern minimalist house bc i like the contrast with her whole#vibe. what if. thats her house. that would actually be soo funny#she has this wretched awful house that hates everything and puts up with it and then she gets fed up and redecorates and the house suddenly#actually chills out#id say the house next door is birdies. as a joke. except birdie is not renovating. birdie shoved a couple modern appliances into the#kitchen. she hasnt updated the electricity since it was installed when they first invented installing electricity#for anyone else it would be a fire hazard but for her it simply Knows Better#her house is a nightmare#electricians are not allowed inside#its inexplicably Fine#anyway. everyone reads this and starts Booing#cos you dislike The Aesthetic and even i often dislike the aesthetic but you could do some fun transgender shit is all im saying#you mean to tell me this house is miserable and mean bc it hates its form and it cant even conceptualize the changes that would bring it#joy. and then the changes happen and it feels so much better even tho it pisses off the people who think its being mutilated and destroyin#destroying its inherent natural beauty? what next. are you gonna tell it it should at least have kids first? omg nooooo#dont get rid of your gas stove why are you mutilating yourselfffff#anyway this doesnt even have to be the only direction to do transition allegories with. shit is ripe. house designed to be#stodgy and rigid experiences joy in the new dwelling of a relaxex eclectic artist#etc#i say house flipper in the post but i do agree thats inherently soulless. i thinj the point of it is that it does need to be. like#the passion of someone making a home their own. the LOVE of someone finally having a space to be theirself in.
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i miss claude so badly im already planning my golden deer maddening run while still in the middle of black eagles. i just want my guy. my favorite guy. unfortunately i just love the black eagles as a group/cast but i am mourning my man (i never kill him btw)
#ann in fodlan#all my thoughts are wah wah wheres claude wah wah#but i love edie too… see this is why three hopes was great cuz i got to see both of them together#im an edie yuri truther its my top 3 edie ships but number 4… hehe. edie/claude… SORRYYYYY#actually im a aroace claude truther but if i must choose someone for him. hehehehsehhegrh#but i did read this lovely aromantic claude fic one time and its so dear to me. i think i bookmarked it i should go read it again#i love him. god.#and you know i do like the gd house#its just. i dont like them as much as i want to? not as much as be or bl#and part of that honestly is because i like units based on two categories:#characterization and how fun they are gameplay wise.#and unfortunately most of them let me down on that latter category 😭😭#like. ive tried so hard to make lorenz good. SO HARD. but i cant…. i dont know what to do with him!#dark knight wyvern paladin bishop dark mage sniper HE SUCKS!!!!#raphael is also always terrible for me so one time i just made him a mage bc if hes gonna suck i may as well laugh#he was outdamaged by my warrior lysithea. actually she went crazy hard for no reason#you know who i want to like more? hilda.#on paper she is the perfect character for me. shes pink she has an axe shes valentine themed#i LOVE the spoiled rich girl trope like sorry. sorry#but i just cant get over her racism and it shocks me sometimes how that is an unpopular opinion#but idk. i know its not real and it comes from a place of ignorance rather than malice#but when youve been cyril before to someone else’s hilda its like. its hard to watch#another support of hers i cant get over is actually her marianne support and like. unpopular opinion but i cant stand that support#idk how everyone j goes ‘yuri!!’ have any of you ever been marianne in that situation.#its so uncomfortable sorry. marianne get up… better yuri awaits you.#and its not even the fact that hildas wrong in these situations its that she never acknowledges that!! no one ever pushes back! its annoying#i do like her to some extent. i LOVE her characterization towards her motivations (why she doesnt try too hard/she doesnt believe anything#is worth lives)#and then on crimson flower you see that she HAS found a cause/someone worth her life (claude) and its SO tragic its so well done#TAG COUNT IM A CLAUDE OR LEONIE RIDE OR DIE THO I HAVE TO GO BYE
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I need to try harder to get out of bed but augh
#🤖.txt#aghhfjg i really need to catch up on sleep. but i also want to do stuff but idk. this is dumb but nothing i do really feels worth the effor#anymore. Thinking like this is sad bc drawing is one of the few things i like doing and make me happy but idk#i might just go back to the way things were before. Just wait for the weekend and spend as much time drawing then#genuinely dont want to do anything at all this is so frustrating and im so tired and sad all the time#i know i should be using my break to focus on studying but with what time#Idkkkk i just really hate living like this#thinking about dropping out again but that would just mean house chores + babysitting full time while job hunting and idk if i can handle#that. I cant handle anything anymore and this is making me so sad . I want to be useful and do so many things but i reached my limit months#ago. I just wanted a week or two to just rest its all i need . But i know im never gonna get that again and at this point i might as well#just die but i cant do that neither bc i have shit to do#Everyone is always talking about how i have it so easy and how things are just gonna get worse bc they think me being home = me not doing#anything and idk. I cant take anything anymore and i think the most upsetting part of this is that i know theyre right#im not doing barely anything and i dont know. How to do more im just useless and ungrateful for the things i have#Really stressed and tired and literally nothing happened. Its gonna be 2pm soon and im supposed to wake up Earlier#But yeagh. this wasnt supposed to be this wall of text i just wanted to say that i might give up on art again for a while#aughhh i dont know how to do anything right idk how to live or take care of myself how am i supposed to raise someone .#this is. too much i think. I reallyyyyy need to relearn how to just talk to myself . I cant keep dropping these everyday and being . This t#evsryone around me. Everyone in my life deserves so much better than ill ever be#vent
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Shinjiham is cute when it’s romantic but tbh I think i vastly prefer the idea of them being best friends instead. Like, neither of them really saw it coming and weren’t really looking to get another best friend (Shinji has Akihiko, Kotone has Junpei and Yukari respectively) but it happens anyway. Kotone takes a liking to Shinji much faster than she does anyone else and I’d say a big reason is just the fact that he’s so reserved that it allows Kotone to do most of the talking while he just listens and they love this arrangement cuz Kotone doesn’t get to talk about her own interests very much. Though I think some of her needs to talk to Shinji stems from this insecurity that he isn’t happy in the group and she has this people pleasing problem and wants everyone to be happy so she makes a much bigger effort to talk to Shinji. And it’s very unfortunate because Shinji intentionally acts cold and distant because he doesn’t want to form any attachments because he wants to die soon, but aaaaaaaagh dammit this girl just keeps talking to him and being sweet and encouraging him to engage in his interests and share them with the others and he just can’t seem to say no when she’s got those damn puppy eyes. And Kotone is just able to get him out of his shell by being persistent but not in an overwhelming way, she’s very cheerful and supportive of him. And Shinji is able to offer her support by encouraging her to talk about herself and by making sure she’s taking care of herself. They just click really well and make such a positive dent in each other’s lives and it’s all about basic acts of kindness going a long way you know?
#persona#persona 3#kotone shiomi#shinjiro aragaki#i uh. probably didnt do much here to prove that their relationship is best when its platonic akjsks i mean idk how to convey it#that these two are just so good for each other but that im just not feeling it romantically#and why should i honestly like cant a guy and a girl just be platonic soulmates like me and jackie aljsks#plus i just have other ships with these characters i like better ahem akishinji and mitsuham yall already know#and i just feel really comforted by their relationship being best friends cuz it makes the pocket watch a lot more power of friendship#and it just. irks me the idea that its romantic love that saves shinji and its romantic love that gave him a will to live#cuz first off you can save him without romancing him and also like if you think kotone is the only person he wants to live for#youre just wrong like in fact its very clear in his social link that he feels this strong love for everyone#its literally like why other characters are so ingrained into his link he loves everyone and they love him back#its just kotone who organizes the time for them all to get together plus like idk when ppl say shinji only wants to live after romancing#kotone its like. well hes not gonna have a good time post coma then huh#and i suppose the point being made is he has to learn to live even if his gf isnt there but again like. shes not the only thing he has#idk i just hate this like pedestal romantic relationships are put on and i hate the implications that like#akihiko has been trying for years to protect shinji and his love doesnt matter cuz it isnt some heterosexual romance#grrrrr it just irks me is all and yeah i just think theyre besties who do everything together#kotone is like shinjis emotional support animal that guides him through the scary crowds and shinji is off putting enough to scare away the#meanies that come their way and they have a dress up montage and make cookies
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it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy
#its only our third time meeting but its so beyond fucking frustrating to feel like we spent the whole hour going in circles & lowkey arguing#& like she never actually listened to any of the things ive told her. like the ENTIRW REASON i told her i was seeking extra help after#dealing w arfid type noncense all my life was 'achieving goal x is always kind of tough but im trying to do it while also achieving goal y &#im struggling with finding a way to balance the two things' like thats IT & then as shes suggesting things to try im like idk of those are#worth the effort bcus they conflict w goal y & shes like. have you considered not worrying about that so you can focus on x?#like NO bcus thats what i was previoislt doing & it doesnt fucking work for me! & she was just not understanding what i meant by adding#variety or having 'better options' shes all like. ok but even if this new thing conflicts with goal y it can just be another option for you#like thats not the POINT i already have enough options i can switch between that conflict with that like the whole point is i need to fill#the gaps w things that are nutritionally different. like if im ok with something thatll use up a significant portion of ny daily values of#shit then i already have multiple options that i actively like well enough i dont wanna waste my time adding more that are things i think#are just ok but take more work. literally whats the point of that#& im like i think rather than me just thinking of random shit i think i could try itd be helpful if I could like get some guidance on like#what are some things that fall into somewhere into this category or this adjacent category while also not being this other thing & then i#cab like determine from there what i already like & can try & add more of & things from that list that sound like sth i can try#& shes like well idk theres a lot of foods out there. YEAH ABD ISNT IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD? like i gave fairly specific#parameters this isnt like a 'list every food on earth' type of question what am i even paying you for if you cant come up with a list#like that. & she jept getting hung up on like well lots of things that are the most calorically dense are gonna be like that like ok it#doesnt have to be the MOST dense maybe think about it like 'the densest things in this other category' which sounded straightforward to me#but she was just like continuing to argue & also like getting hung up on reminding me that everything is dependent on portions like#I FUCKING KNOW?? like if a serving of something is like 10% of my dv id rather find something where a serving is 5% etc. idk how thats like#a hard concept like whats the point of adding something to be like oh sure ill have a third of a serving & get 50 extra calories out of it#be so fr rn im so beyond frustrated still even tho its been hours since i talked to her this is more stressful & annoying than the stress of#just trying to figure shit out on my own i fucking hate having to try & re explain nyaelf ivee & over & have someone just talk over me &#fail to understand what im getting at. im one more shitty session away from quitting & just resigining myself to 70% liquid diet#anyways#texticles
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