#and i believe the best way to improve your writing and art is to engage with other media. so you can learn from others!

[mymarifae]

hobbies: extensively researching horror movies because i'm too much of a scaredy cat to actually watch them and because i hate watching movies

[oh--jeez]

FIRST OF ALL: there is nothing wrong with being bad at something, whether you are doing your best or not. you are obligated to nobody and nothing to improve your art or your appreciation of art, as long as you don't make it someone else's problem. i am MAGNIFICENTLY BAD at sewing, and i sew my own clothes anyways, and wear them! where people can see!! and if i download a sewing pattern and fuck it up - which is inevitable, given my dyspraxia and ADHD - that's on me, and i can either fix it or walk around looking lumpy. i choose lumpiness at least 75% of the time, because i am now old enough to be eccentric and not just unfashionable.

THAT SAID:

i keep seeing fic authors apologising for their clear, well-written, engaging fics being "confusing" due to reader complaints about, among other things, changes in narrator perspective, use of subtext, and (tagged, always) unreliable narration.

these are extremely basic narrative tools in story writing, and it's fine to use them.

stop apologising for your readers, who, until they found fanfiction written by other children their age, hadn't read anything they weren't assigned in school, for being functionally illiterate. stop apologising to people who prefer manga, and have decided to get mad at you for writing a wall of text instead of publishing your story as a dōjinshi manga.

you have done nothing wrong. you are writing a story, and you absolutely are not obligated or even advised to provide a humble apology with your author's note c-notes to people who want to read horny fic about tobirama in the potterverse, but refuse to engage with written medium at a level, frequency, and breadth of topic that would allow them to GET BETTER AT IT.

reading fiction is a practiced skill that gets easier and more enjoyable with time, barring the interference of chronic disabilities. there is a reason why we start with 'THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR' and work our way up to 'Hóng lóu mèng,' and it's not that little kids can't invent and enjoy more complex narratives, or that an adult, upon entering an adult literacy program, will automatically be able to take in and enjoy advanced literature with intricate grammar and subtle wordplay, simply cos they're adults. it's the reading. you have to put in the time and effort to get better at reading written language, and familiarise yourself with the function and utility of basic-to-complex grammar, even if you don't study the technicalities.

i ask you to stop apologising for doing nothing wrong, because people are starting to believe they're entitled to an apology from creators for creating things they don't like. i'm not talking about racist, misappropriated, or misogynist content, or people producing fetishising, transmisic, or pedophilic material for the delight of rapists and chasers. i'm talking about people just not liking where the story is going, or how you choose to portray inner monologues vs spoken ideas, or your use of techno-jargon. those are stylistic and creative choices by you, in your art, and if they don't like your flavour they can go read someone else. you are not responsible for entertaining everyone, all the time.

your readers are free to enlarge the text, use a dictionary, pay attention to who is talking instead of skimming cos the chapter is "boring" and "too long" (?!?!), or any other material or ephemeral adaptation they need to make it accessible and enjoyable to them, before coming to you and complaining that you're writing for a level of literacy they are unable or refuse to get to.

"reading with a dictionary what kind of nerd shit is that" the kind of nerd shit that wants to know what words mean so they can enjoy what they're reading, until they know so many words they don't need a dictionary to understand what's happening. it's what nerds used to do before the internet, when we didn't have a way to reach out instantly and demand the author explain their story to us, personally. we had to write LETTERS demanding that, so most - not all - of us opted to just open a dictionary or consult a grownup about what a turn of phrase meant instead of waiting a month for a reply.

to readers who want a story explained: the story you are reading is the explanation. that's the author explaining it to you. they have taken a piece of their heart and carefully written it out and posted it for you to read, for free. if you didn't understand it, read it again to see if you missed anything. if you don't want to do that, or you didn't enjoy it, move on. otherwise, you're like people who leave bad reviews on free advanced sewing and advanced knitting patterns, complaining that you tried it and it is too complicated for you. the world is full of accessible, beginner-level fiction and crafts. either resolve to get better at the thing you want to enjoy, or stop complaining that fun and challenging things exist for people who are good at reading, knitting, and any other pleasant recreational or cultural pursuit.

NB: if the author was being a bigot and not just writing about a bigot, by all means yell at them. learn the difference, first.

also, if you're fixing your mouth to talk about how i piss on the poor, this isn't directed at people with learning disabilities, of which i have several.

because of those, i'm not an author. yeah, imagine that: i'm someone who is passionate about being kind to creators and engaging with their chosen medium in an informed and honest way, without myself being a creator. it's called "being a person, and understanding other people are also people."

i could probably try writing fiction, and maybe get better at it, but it's not a pressing issue and i'm perfectly happy just reading. fic authors are magical beasts we should value and love, not treat like AU spank bank vending machines that ate our money.

EDIT: man this sure is a lot of words about how i don't write

[kitkatyes]

Hello there. This might be strange, and/or coming out of nowhere, and I'm giving you the benifit of the doubt because I assume all of this was unintentional, but your personification of Hivemind in both your AF description ("Should not be left without adult supervision") and in your AO3 fic To Keep a Secret is a bit concerning and upsetting. With traits like his stimming and hyperfixation on bees, it appears you're trying to code him as autistic, which is perfectly fine on the face of it. However, making him come across as immature or childish (having the Fabricator call him a manchild, the aforementioned 'adult supervision' comment, sending Phoenix to 'babysit' him because he apparently can't take care of himself) harps on a lot of negative stereotypes and comes across at worst like a very bad faith interpretation of autism. While Hivemind is canonically a goofy and fun character, he is also canonically brilliant, and the same person behind many dangerous inventions in his own right. Infantilizing him both strips his character of agency and nuance, but also hurts the autistic people engaging with your content (or at the very least, puts a bad taste in their mouths)

I’ve been typing and re-typing my response to this for a couple hours now cause I really want to get my words right. First and foremost, I want to thank you for bringing this to my attention. I am deeply sorry that I made you feel that way. I genuinely had no clue that I was unjust in how I was writing Hivemind and I had no intention of making him or his actions appear in a negative light. 

I want to preface this by saying that in no way shape or form that I believe being neurodivergent is a bad thing; I’ve only recently discovered that I'm on the spectrum myself. As such, I did not realise that I was playing into any harmful stereotypes nor was I purposely seeking them out.

I suppose I haven’t exactly articulated how I view him very well. In my eyes, I consider his demeanour similar to Hatsume from mha, if that makes any sense; smart but more chaotic in a lab space whilst a little neglectful of his own health. However, that wasn’t clearly stated in my fic nor was it on the art fight profile.

When I’m able to, I will make a change to the specified scene in the fic. I've already gone and changed their art fight page. Going forward, I will try to be more concise with how I write him and those around them whilst trying my best to avoid making a mistake like this again.

I understand that you wish to remain anonymous but if you have any suggestions on how I can improve, my askbox and dms are open. /gen /nf

[likegemstone]

So I'm someone who has, historically, profoundly struggled to find motivation to do things I'm not good at. I think it's a somewhat universal experience to not want to do something you know you're going to suck at, but for most people it seems to manifest as just general disinterest in the thing. They still can and will do it if they need to, they just won't be especially interested in it. Some weirdos even take it as a challenge and they like engaging with something they're bad at because they want to get better at it.

Me? In the past, if I was bad at something, everything in my body and mind screamed at me to never attempt it again. My anxiety spiked, my brain suddenly became WAY more interested in literally ANYTHING else (hello procrastination), I'd get in these obsessive thought spirals where all I could think was about how bad I was at the thing, etc.

It has been extremely limiting. I've been slowly shutting myself off from more and more aspects of my life for years. I've isolated myself because I'm bad at being social, I stopped writing almost entirely for ~5 years despite it being my main passion, I quit art for even longer, I started and stopped at least a dozen ideas for small businesses, I deleted all my social medias (honestly at the time that was probably for the best tho), and I pretty much lost all interest in doing anything at all because I think the more I gave in to the whole "if I'm bad at something I need to stop doing it" thing, the bigger the feeling got. The more true it felt, the more grip it had on my life.

Recently, I decided I really want to focus on improving my art--getting better, and specifically getting faster at it. So many artists say that one of the best ways to get faster is to be more purposeful and confident in every mark you make--basically, stop fiddling, erasing/undoing, second guessing your decisions, making a dozen marks and erasing them until you finally get the one you want, etc. And they all say a great way to practice that is to draw in pen/something permanent.

But see, I struggle so much with traditional art in general, much less permanent media. Because I'm bad at it. The reason I've been able to keep drawing for 2 years straight now is that I finally got an ipad and an apple pencil. I've got undo, transform, liquify, duplicate, layers, zooming in, etc.

And yet, I want to get faster. I don't want to have to rely on those tools. I want to be making every mark with intention. I want to know what I'm doing and believe in it. So I have been practicing figure drawing in my sketchbook again instead of on my ipad. And it feels so awkward. I'm so uncertain, I feel like I'm drawing with my left hand, and I'm bad at it. I get super impatient and my mind gets scrambley after just one or two figures and I have to take a break.

But I keep coming back to it--like, I'm not losing interest. I think about it when I'm doing something else and then I have to sit down and watch a youtube video on figure drawing or line confidence or whatever and try again. I'll be watching Criminal Minds or something and then suddenly my brain is saying "no, try to draw again, we need to get better."

And that is. WILD. And exciting. And emotional, because I've been a quitter for so so long and I don't want to be anymore.

[asksoldieron]

SO-12: The Spirit of Harpo Marx

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for Alight at the Window (SO-12) an instalment! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

Awwwwww, ya know? Awwwwww ❤️!

Poor Erik is in ⚡🔋no shape🔋⚡ to communicate, but he's doing his best. Maggie has no idea whether he's messing with her on purpose, or what's wrong with him, but she won't let him go. They'll get to him eventually. (I've just finished that part, actually. They've got him! Uh. Sorta. At least he's... safe now? 😅Oh, I can't say that with a straight face.)

This is the last of my queued posts/instalments, and I have no idea where my reading and drawing ability will be when it goes live. If I can't update you on my condition (and the condition of the next six instalments) I'll hafta have the spouse type a note for me. I want to do six more right away, or I might take a two week break, or - if I'm really struggling - it'll be a break of indeterminate length. I hope I'll be okay to just keep going, my Patrons have been so patient this year. Thanks, y'all.

But, either way, there will be a break at some point, because I'll have a while where I can't write or draw and that's going to eat up my backlog. Also, recent updates have done more stupid things to my theme and I think the site needs a redesign - maybe including some radical simplification. I'm just not mobile friendly and I can't make the current format behave. People with better eyesight than me do a lot of reading on their phones.

I have no idea how to build a community and I'm flailing, really, but maybe if I can get the interface more convenient, more people will like me? (I have no idea. Probably they won't.)

Look, though! You've got some extra art to tide you over! And a song!

I'm not in love with how Erik's design looks right now - he looks like a train wreck, but he should look like a train wreck. Nobody is going to fix his hair. I still feel self-conscious about it. He used to be cute. I've got to do a full-body rendering of how he'll clean up, but I don't have time for it now.

However, I did do a page of something trying to get comfortable with his ability to emote in train reck form. I don't have time to finish it, but I think it looks cool so I'm sharing.

This is potentially a way for me to serve you the music without lyric backgrounds that you can't read! It's very labour-intensive, but I was figuring out how to do it and it might get a little easier with practice. Also, my current tablet is struggling with the resolution and I plan to update it by the end of the year - depending on sale prices.

After I saw Hedwig and the Angry Inch, I found out the original Off-Broadway incarnation had filked music with lyrics by John Cameron Mitchell. 🥹😊I'm calling it! This is something other people sharing my identity do to tell their stories! Filk musicals are an enby thing! We do not give a shit about the music industry's copyrights! I'm performing nonbinary correctly!

So here's the lyrics again, and maybe I'll give you the rest in comic form as my vision and my tools improve.

You Are Found! (based on "We Are Young" by fun.) I need a minute, I… I don’t know if I’m ready yet I’m tryin’ to get my shit together, Maggie, please don’t be upset My family must be looking for me somewhere very near Guess I knew you must be coming but I can’t believe you’re here, and… It’s been forever since I’ve seen your face I know you want to take me home But although it hurts to do this work they need my help for what it’s worth —  Oh, gods I’m not sure if I wanna go So maybe if, next time you see me, You can take me by the hand, You’ll steal me away At last I am found So I guess the party’s over Time to get sober, and come down At last I am found So I guess the party’s over Time to get sober, and come down No, I wanna go home I’m just not done I guess that I, I just hoped We could visit and I’d get right back to work But I can’t go yet So I must forget 'Cause I think you’ll hafta steal me away At last I am found So I guess the party’s over Time to get sober, and come down At last I am found So I guess the party’s over Time to get sober, and come down Steal me away at last (na na na na na na) Come steal me away at last (na na na na na na) Steal me away at last (na na na na na na) Come steal me away at last (na na na na na na) The gods have their own plan (na na na na na na) But I’m just one weary man (na na na na na na) So you're gonna hafta steal me away at last (na na na na na na) I have so much to do (na na na na na na) How can I go with you? (na na na na na na) So you're gonna hafta steal me away (na na na na na na) At last I am found So I guess the party’s over Time to get sober, and come down At last I am found So I guess the party’s over Time to get sober, and come down So maybe if, next time you see me, You can take me by the hand You’ll steal me away at last

See you soon! Ha, I hope!

Late edit: Two week break, folks. No drawing ability yet, so we're stuck with it. I still hope to get you the next six by the end of the year. I'll keep you posted!

[Back to Site?]

[miralines]

Before I say anything, I just want to inform you that I just randomly came across your post browsing the discourse tag for something else. I don't know who you are nor what's happening with ao3 users here. I don't know if you wanted a deep(ish)dive into someone's thoughts and reasons for choosing fics based on kudos and hits ratio, but 100% ignore if you didn't! Sorry if I am intruding by doing this!

I come from multiple giant fandoms and when there are multiple fic choices with tags and summaries that I like, I do choose to go by kudos and hits ratio. Just to pick which one to check out first. I did notice however, that in smaller fandoms or tags this couldn't be applied because there's not enough fics, so I just read what I'm interested in most.

Why? Kudos signify how enjoyed the fic is to me, because usually the more kudos it has the more talked about it is on other platforms. Why would that be important? It's just that I enjoy exploring content made by others after I'm up to date with a fic. It's really fun to see people talk, theorize, make art and speculate or scream over things that will or did happen. It's giving me an opportunity to find people with similar interests and see what they make overall!

Sometimes though, if fic in a fandom or a tag that's incredibly popular gets hundreds of hits and very few kudos, I choose not to read it. This is based on a few bad experiences I had giving those fics a chance, where something in them made me uncomfortable or hard to read. I don't have any very specific needs when I'm reading fics, I just enjoy reading as a part of enjoying the fandom, so when I see the general readers avoid giving kudos in fandoms where it's very usual to have a lot on fics, I don't want to read that fic for my enjoyment.

I really don't know much about this, I'm sorry! But yeah, I basically use kudos to hits ratio to oriantate myself and avoid something I wouldn't like based on previous correlations I made. I don't know if that's wrong or upsetting for others, but if you find it that way, I would like to know why too and improve! Sorry for any grammatical mistakes I made!

Oh hi anon! I wasn’t expecting anyone to reach out like this, but thank you for taking the time to write out your thoughts! (Also. Please do not feel the need to apologize for grammatical mistakes. I do not believe in ‘correct’ grammar; as long as I understood you, which I did, I think you’re absolutely fine and using language as it’s intended!) (I am. A particular kind of nerd and not policing grammar is something I have Opinions about hence this tangent lmao)

This got terribly long, so I’ve put a tldr above the cut and divided the rest under headers for ease of reading.

Tldr: I see your points with regard to differences between large and small fandoms, and with the specific goal of finding “sub-fandoms” for particular fics. I still disagree that kudos-to-hits ratio is the best way to decide what fics to read, both because it isn’t an accurate metric of engagement and because I dislike the idea of using engagement as the primary metric in the first place. When I use A03, I prefer to sort by what’s recent and use the tags and summary to decide what to read, or to use the (excellent) search function to find what I’m looking for specifically.

I’d also like to note to anyone else reading: I doubt this will be an issue, but if anyone is rude to anon I’m going to turn off reblogs on this post. I know this is something some people feel strongly about, and discussion is fine, but this is absolutely not worth being mean to another human about.

Size of fandom

To begin my more thorough response: This is an interesting perspective– not one I entirely agree with, but I can certainly see how in larger fandoms with a lot more content it would be valuable to be more selective. For context, my main fandom is an obscure storytelling band with under 3k total works on A03, and these days I mostly occupy a niche of that fandom (one specific album) with only 128 works. The largest fandom I’ve been active in currently has 37k works on A03.

I don’t know what your fandoms are, but as some examples of bigger fandoms, Star Trek currently has over 100k works, Supernatural has almost 300k, and Harry Potter has nearly 500k. That is a big difference! I’m currently working on a goal to read every fic in my 128-fic niche (with some exclusion criteria), but in larger fandoms it’s impossible not to be selective. This is all to say– I definitely agree with you that the size of a fandom impacts how a person can and does interact with it.

Fans of fics

Your point about wanting to interact with other fans of a particular fic also makes sense! There was a particular fic series in my largest fandom that had a pretty decent following, and I still have friends from that sub-fandom several years later. If this metric helps you find fics that match your goal of having that experience, I can see how the kudos-to-hits ratio could function as a potentially useful metric, though I still think its usefulness is a bit limited for reasons I’m about to go into.

Kudos-to-hits isn’t accurate

I have two reasons for thinking that kudos-to-hits ratio isn’t the best way to determine what to read. The first is purely numerical. If you’ve been watching this discourse, you’ve probably already seen people discussing how users can only leave a single kudos, but may be responsible for 20-plus hits on a work. This is especially applicable to multichapter works, which in my experience are the fics that are able to develop their own following. If you want to sort fics by engagement, it seems like at the very least, using comments for the ratio is a more accurate measurement.

Using engagement as a metric at all

Secondly, though, I (and I believe, a lot of people) dislike the notion of using engagement as a metric to measure fics in the first place. I think the current discourse is partially due to some regrettable phrasing on the part of the OP of the post I was vaguing– if I recall correctly, they said that they use this metric to determine if a fic is “worth reading”. I think this phrasing was hurtful to a lot of fic writers who may not have large followings or a lot of engagement, but who work very hard on their fics and feel frustrated that this person implied that they aren’t worth reading. I have fics that are personal favorites of mine, but that I haven’t gotten a lot of feedback on.

Of course, this is just part of writing, and it’s an important skill for any writer (of fic or anything else) to learn to handle rejection or just lack of feedback. But I also think that particular post was phrased in a thoughtless way that interacted poorly with pre-existing insecurities (this is part of why I suggested that post was bait– the phrasing seems to me like a perfect storm to make writers upset and defensive, but of course this could also be due to the OP just being a bit careless with their words, and not expecting to have hit quite nerve they did).

There’s an excellent post here on engagement on fics and what a realistic assessment of “successful” engagement metrics are based on professional standards (which includes a stat about how Harry Styles, one of the most popular and successful current celebrities, only gets a 1:30 ratio of likes to views on his social media. I don’t know what ratio you’re using, but iirc the post I was discussing suggested 1:10). Personally, though, I worry about both authors and readers depending too much on statistics, especially in a broader cultural context when it feels like everything is performed, measured, and monetized. Most social media platforms have gone from a place to share with friends to a place to compete for attention and make money and fame off it. There’s a lot of cultural anxiety around that at the moment, which is another reason I think this discussion has gotten so big.

Why I disagree with using engagement

I think this discussion, at its heart, is a debate about what fandom should be, and I feel focusing overmuch on engagement statistics contributes to a fandom culture uncomfortably close to the commercialization of everything else on the internet. I feel that fic should be enjoyed as art (whatever art means) and not as a product. I’m not saying you’re personally approaching fic that way, but unfortunately there does seem to be something of a broader trend towards that, which troubles me.

As a writer, I would hope that when people come across my fic, they give it a chance based on the metatext information I give them in the tags and summary, the quality of my writing, and whether my work matches what the reader is looking for. Judging it based on the numbers feels reductive to me, and makes me feel like nothing about the work or passion I put in matters; just the popularity. My fics aren’t going to be for everyone, and I understand that. If someone comes across my fic and decides they’re not interested, that’s their prerogative. But I hope that potential readers don’t discount my work just because it doesn’t meet a numerical standard that, in my opinion, is extremely arbitrary.

My suggestions for what to do instead

As a reader, I default to sorting by what’s been posted recently, and then using the tags and summary to decide what to read. That’s what those things are designed to be used for, and I think they’re much more informative than the stats. Worst-case scenario, I start reading and then go back to the search. All I’ve lost is a couple minutes.

In large fandoms, this might be an inefficient way to search for fic, and I recognize that. I’d encourage you to try using A03’s (fantastic) search function to find what you’re looking for– you can both include and exclude fandoms, characters, pairings, and tags. I have come across people who don’t realize that A03 has no algorithm, and haven’t realized they need to learn to use the search function. This is understandable, given the state of most of the internet and what these (often young) fans have learned to use before, but I think learning to search and filter is a vital skill to develop. I have no idea if you’re in this boat, anon, but if you are, please check out the search. It is, in my experience, the best way to find what you’re looking for on A03, and can at the very least supplement numbers-based selection.

Conclusion

I don’t think you have a moral responsibility to stop using engagement as a way to determine what you want to read. Frankly, this isn’t that important. I don’t think you even strictly need to stop using kudos as the measure instead of comments, though I think that would be more accurate if you do prefer to sort by engagement. But I do think you could be surprised at the hidden gems you could find if you didn’t limit yourself to only reading fics with high ratios. I don’t know the nature of your bad experiences in the past, and obviously how you use A03 is up to you. But I think there are better ways to decide what to read.

Thank you again for reaching out– you’ve helped me understand the other perspective as well! I really do appreciate your explanation. I hope I’ve been as respectful as you have, and that I’ve helped you understand where writers who share my opinion are coming from. If you’d like to continue talking about this or respond to any of my points, please feel free to shoot me another ask or a message. I hope you’re doing well and that you have a nice day!

[lavendersiic]

thoughts on persona 5 bc if I didn't write them down i'd explode

After 250+ hours I feel such a mix of emotions, the ending was bittersweet, inspiring, and heartbreaking. I’ve been feeling it especially today, almost an emptiness and sadness knowing that I’ll never experience the game for the first time again. I have to say goodbye to the characters and story I’ve spent time with almost daily since November. I’m feeling especially reflective and tender with all of the thoughts and questions that the game has left me with, from thoughts about how I can be a better friend and community member, to Big Thoughts™ about free will, happiness, and the nature of reality - this game has left a lasting impression and is something I’ll carry with me for a long time.

The Experience: 

Persona 5 Royal is incredibly successful in delivering a captivating and emotionally resonant story. I felt immersed in the world, empowered with meaningful choices, and continuously engaged through its meticulously crafted game loop. The narrative was so engaging and evocative, through the combination of art, music, writing made for a special first-time experience. There is room for improvement in accessibility, but overall this game is kind of a masterpiece. 

On my second playthrough, I did feel a bit of repetitiveness in some of the palaces. Many of the palace rulers were painted as purely evil villains. Madarame gains some nuance as we go through Yusuke’s confidant, see him grappling with the conflict between the truth of Madarame’s vanity and the fact that he did care for him. This clear cut moral view of the first few antagonists is an indication of the way the Thieves’ view the world. As teenagers, it is understandable that they would have a more simple view of morality, but you can see that evolving throughout the game. By the time we get to Maruki's palace, we are given a deeper exploration of his character and the morality of his motivations and actions are treated with more nuance. I think a big part of this is the fact that Maruki is more of an antagonist than a villain, though I think it also hints at the Phantom Thieves' maturing perspective on morality.

Friendship and Forgiveness:

There’s something about the nature of a social sim that really brings into focus how straightforward it can be to show up for those I care about. It can be as simple as investing time, listening and validating their experiences, and making memories together. It can be easy for me to overcomplicate things, to feel like I need to be doing more for the people in my life - but in reality just making time and space for people can be enough. 

I couldn’t talk about this game without talking about Akechi (best boy). He was instantly one of my favorite characters. It was just nice to hear someone with a different opinion at first, up until that point it felt like we were in a bit of a Phantom Thieves echo chamber. I believe that it’s important to have people around you who support you, but there is also value in having people who challenge the way you think. Before the reveal, he really is a breath of fresh air, he’s charming and goofy and even though you can tell he’s not being 100% honest, there’s something really special in the growth of your relationship as he slowly lets his mask go. 

After the reveal, I felt so heartbroken and confused - and mostly I just wanted to hug him. I just wanted him to be free and happy. In the moments where we reach rank 9 and 10, I remember just wanting him to join us - I was quick (maybe too quick) to forgive all he had done. I spent two in-game days mourning his death, revisiting the places we spent time together, and reflecting on our relationship. 

At the beginning of Third Semester, I was overjoyed to see him alive, even if it meant he would be in prison for his crimes. I was so happy that he was alive and that we had a chance (even outside of the game world) to continue growing our relationship. As third semester continued I just enjoyed having him around, his chaotic one-liners made me smile and it was nice to see him being authentic to his darker side. His evil laugh brought me so much joy. 

When we meet with Maruki and it’s revealed that Akechi actually did die in Shido’s palace, and that he was brought back by Maruki because we essentially wished it to be, I lost my marbles. Akechi’s willingness to die in order to be the master of his own fate was equally heartbreaking and inspiring. I wanted to accept Maruki’s deal in that moment just to have a happy life with Akechi, but I wanted even more to respect his wishes. 

When I think about what drew me to Akechi’s character, I definitely related to his experience of feeling like he always had to present a pleasant mask to the world, otherwise risking rejection. I related to his desire to feel needed, something I still struggle with now. I think that believing what I do now - that everyone deserves to be loved in their wholeness, their dark along with their light - I felt compelled to offer that same love and forgiveness both as Joker and as myself. 

Seeing Akechi’s struggles to find acceptance, and hopefully giving him at least a small sense of that in the time we spent with him was one of the biggest emotional payoffs of the game for me. 

Free Will

The question of free will was a throughline throughout the story, and we are challenged to consider the morality of taking desires, even with good intentions. With many of the other themes and moral questions raised in the game, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. As the player, taking on the role of Joker - unwavering in his view of justice - is exciting, but the game encourages us to still consider the moral implications of their actions, especially with the addition of Maruki’s palace.

The third semester brings up this conflict between the allure of a pain-free, comfortable reality and the chaotic freedom of choice in the real world. Ultimately, I agree with the decision to fight for reality - for personal agency and free will even with the guarantee of chaos and pain. It is a tempting test, even more so than Yaldaboath’s offer to return the world to it’s previous state. It was a easy to decline Yaldaboath, but sitting across from Maruki in Leblanc, I felt truly conflicted for a few moments. I knew in my heart that the right choice was to stop him, but at the same time - it was tempting to accept that world free from pain and suffering.

After watching both endings, I ached for Maruki’s reality. I wish that life could be that simple, but there was an underlying sense of unease at the almost sickly sweetness of it all. It felt like everything we had struggled through was empty. The true ending was bittersweet and heartwarming, and seeing all of the characters moving forward towards the lives they wanted held so much more meaning.

Conclusion

While my sleep schedule might be temporarily wrecked, I don’t regret the hours I invested into this game. It was a really beautiful and thought provoking story, and what I want now is to apply what I felt and learned to my reality, so that I can live a full, free, and connected life. While I'm reluctant to let the world and characters go, I'm excited to turn my focus towards my goals, nurturing connections with my friends and family, and prioritizing self-care and rest.

[mrs-india-international-queen]

5 Essential Confidence Tips for Married Women Competing in Beauty Pageants

Participating in a Mrs India beauty pageant as a married woman is an exciting and empowering experience. It is a chance to showcase your beauty, talent, and inner strength. However, stepping on that stage can be intimidating, especially if it is your first time. Confidence is key to shining bright, and we have got some essential tips to help you feel more self-assured and prepared. Let us explore how you can boost your confidence and make the most of your pageant journey.

Practice Positive Self-Talk

Confidence starts from within, and the way you talk to yourself can greatly influence how you feel. It is common to have moments of doubt, but letting these negative thoughts take over can affect your performance. Instead, try to replace them with positive affirmations.

For example, tell yourself things like, “I am confident, beautiful, and capable of achieving my dreams,” or “I am prepared and ready to shine on stage.” Write down a few positive statements that resonate with you and read them aloud every day. Over time, these affirmations will help you build a more positive mindset and boost your self-esteem. The more you repeat these, the more you will start believing in them, helping you stay focused and motivated during your preparation for the Mrs India contestor any other beauty pageant in India.

Perfect Your Posture

Good posture is a powerful way to exude confidence. The way you carry yourself speaks volumes, and it can make a difference in how others perceive you. When you stand tall with your shoulders back, head up, and a smile on your face, you appear more poised, graceful, and confident.

Practice maintaining good posture throughout the day, whether you are at home, at work, or during rehearsals. When you walk, make sure your movements are smooth and controlled. Consider practicing your walk-in front of a mirror or record yourself to see how you can improve. Not only does this enhance your presence on stage, but it also makes you feel more self-assured.

Master the Art of Eye Contact

Making eye contact is a simple yet effective way to show confidence and engage with others. During the misses India pageant, whether it is while speaking to judges, interacting with other contestants, or performing on stage, maintaining steady eye contact will make you come across as composed, approachable, and sincere. It shows that you are attentive, confident, and genuinely present in the moment.

To practice, start by engaging in conversations with friends and family, trying to hold eye contact for a few extra seconds. It might feel awkward at first, but it will soon become second nature. When you are on stage, focus on making eye contact with the judges and audience, but remember to be natural—do not stare too intensely. A gentle, confident gaze is all you need to connect with your audience and make a lasting impression in any beauty contest, including the prestigious Mrs India International Queen contest.

Prepare and Practice Your Skills

One of the biggest confidence boosters is knowing that you are well-prepared. Whether it is your walk, your talent performance, or your interview answers, practice until you feel comfortable and natural. The more you practice, the less anxious you will feel on the actual day, and the more you can enjoy the moment.

Break down your preparation into manageable parts. Spend time practicing your walk, rehearsing your talent, and answering common interview questions. Record yourself or ask friends and family to watch and give feedback. Consider joining a pageant training class if you want professional guidance. Knowing that you have put in the effort will give you the confidence to perform your best on stage in any beauty pageant competition.

Surround Yourself with Positive Support

Having a strong support system can make a huge difference in your confidence levels. Whether it is family, friends, or even a mentor, surround yourself with people who encourage and believe in you. Their words of encouragement can lift your spirits, and knowing that they are cheering you on will give you the confidence to step onto the stage with grace and poise.

Before the beauty pageant, spend time with your loved ones, and let them know how much their support means to you. If you have friends who have participated in Mrs India beauty contests before, do not hesitate to reach out to them for advice and encouragement. Being around positive, supportive people will remind you that you are not alone in this journey, and that boost can make all the difference.

Conclusion

Confidence is a skill that can be nurtured with consistent effort and the right mindset. By focusing on positive self-talk, maintaining an elegant posture, mastering eye contact, practising diligently, and leaning on your support network, you can walk onto the pageant stage with poise and assurance. Remember, Mrs India beauty pageants are not just about winning a crown—they are about celebrating your journey, expressing your individuality, and inspiring others. Embrace every moment, be proud of your achievements, and let your confidence radiate from within. Whether you win or not, your grace, strength, and spirit will leave a lasting impression.

[aliteralsemicolon]

You can completely ignore this if you want to, but I'm stuck and needed the opinion of another writer (and I love your writing, so 🥺)

Basically, I love to write, and it's always been a big passion of mine, but I'm always worried to publish my stuff because I know I don't have a particularly 'pretty' way with words like a lot of fantastic writers do here on tumblr, and I just wondered if you had any tips on getting past that worry?

Thank you for listening 💖

Well hello beautiful! Thank you so much for thinking of me!

This is actually a mostly universal thing with writers I think, so the first thing you should know is that you aren't alone in feeling this way. Sharing your work with the world can be so intimidating, but once you cross that bridge you'll settle in to your own flow.

The beauty of writing for me is that I consider it a form of art, and like most art, it's an expression of who the artist is. No two writers truly write the same. There's always a personalised touch added to every story. When it comes to art, there's an audience for everything. So even if you don't write "pretty", there will guaranteed be people who will love the way you write.

Now as far as the mental block in your own head goes, it's honestly an up and down battle. There will be days where you feel extremely confident and proud of your work. Then there will come days where you'll see the way someone else writes, much like right now, and mislead yourself into believing that you're not as good. As we know, comparison is the killer of joy. You're not a bad writer just because you don't write the same way.

I don't have a lot of ground breaking advice for you. Truth is, it really is just a mental game. No one's skill level is truly 0 or 100. Everyone starts somewhere and once you've started, you've already progressed that skill. At the same time, even if you're a professional, there's always room for improvement. Where ever you're at, you have to be mentally secure in your skill. On days you that you have a voice in your head telling you that you're inadequate, you have to consistently remind yourself to not listen to it.

My father once said: "You can not really compare Jasmines with Roses. Both of them are beautiful flowers in their own right. People will have their own preferences when picking between the two, but one is not uglier than the other." (but like in another language). I like to carry this around in my notes app because he's right and I think it's a good analogy for this situation.

Another thing to keep in mind once you start posting is to not get addicted to the engagement. Don't compare your engagement to another blogs engagement. Engagement is not an accurate way to determine the quality of your work. I've seen writers that I consider to be extremely talented but they don't garner much engagement.

I've said this before and I'll say it again:

Don't let comparison rob you of the reasons that made you fall in love with writing.

I really, really hope you decide to start posting your stuff! I wish you the best of luck!

[danamuseum]

What does empathy mean to me? How will I use empathy in my museum practice?

Dana Golan Miller, October 8th, 2023

The type of individual who opts to work in a museum setting, particularly when engaging with the community, education, and diverse audiences, and focusing on enhancing the visitor experience, MUST, in my opinion, embrace empathy as a fundamental way of life. I regularly apply empathetic thinking in my daily life, both professionally and in my interactions with my spouse, friends, and, naturally, as a mother, without necessarily labeling it as 'empathy'.

According to Friis Dam and Yu Siang Teo,  "Empathy is the ability designers gain from research to understand users’ problems, needs and desires fully so that they can design the best solutions for users. Designers strive for empathy by deeply probing users’ worlds, to define their precise problems and then to ideate towards solutions that improve users’ lives". Interaction Design Foundation (2020). They suggested an Empathy map that can serve as a useful tool for accomplishing empathy. 

I think that this suggested map is a wonderful tool when thinking about corporations in general, but especially and specifically when co-creating with a museum. Friis Dam and Yu Siang Teo continue - An Empathy Map allows us to sum up our learning from engagements with people in the field of design research. Empathy maps are also great as a background for the construction of the personas that you would often want to create later. An Empathy Map allows us to sum up our learning from engagements with people in the field of design research. The map provides four major areas in which to focus our attention, thus providing an overview of a person’s experience of Empathy. The four quadrants reflect four key traits that the user demonstrated/possessed during the observation/research.

Stage Step 1: Fill out the Empathy Map what did the user (the chosen community in my case) say, think, and feel? And - How did the user FEEL? What emotions might the user be feeling? Subtle cues can be body language, choice of words, and tone of voice

Step 2: Synthesize NEEDS. Here we can use the American psychologist Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to help understand and define which underlying needs the user has. I have to say that this Hierarchy has always been in my mind since I first encountered it in my undergraduate. Personally, I really believe that achieving a higher level - the esteem needs and self-actualized needs but it's not always so easy. Writing down the needs always helps.

Step 3: Synthesise INSIGHTS - An “Insight” is a remarkable realization that can help to solve the current design challenge we're facing. It can be done also by synthesizing insights by asking yourself: “Why?” when you notice strange, tense, or surprising behavior.Of course, also here, writing it down helps a lot. It might seems easy, but from my experience, no, it's not.

Image of the Empathy Mapping, from Rikke Friis Dam and Teo Yu Siang, Interaction Design Foundation (2002)

I firmly believe that if you are a compassionate individual with values extending beyond your personal needs, you can excel as a museum educator, community presenter and also curator. In my previous experiences curating exhibitions, I always endeavored to consider accessibility, although not always with complete success. However, it is only here at Museum Education Studies at GW University,that I truly comprehend the complexity of this process, which is both challenging and rewarding.

The most recent exhibition I co-curated took place in Israel at the Ramat Hasharon Contemporary Gallery. In collaboration with the gallery's curator, I worked with high school seniors in the art department. They engaged with the artworks, and we captured their voices, allowing gallery visitors to hear their perspectives.

According to the art collection's collection website "The exhibition is accompanied by two new sound works commissioned and created especially for it under the guidance of the curators and through community collaboration with 12th-grade visual art students at Alon High School, Ramat Hasharon. In a desire to add a layer of young, current sound to the selection of works on view, most of which were created before they were born, the students were invited to write personal-fictional stories from their point of view as teenagers, about ten figures starring in selected works, and record them in their voices. These stories resonate in the gallery, alongside artistic commentary on ten additional works, offering a path of observation centered on the notion of longing".

I inadvertently engaged in a form of co-creation without even realizing it. Did I use the empathy map? Honestly, no, I wasn't even aware of its existence back then. Today, I am fully conscious of it, and if I were to work with the kids again, I would undoubtedly employ this tool to gain a deeper understanding of the high school community at Alon High School. I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn more about it here.

Resources:

Rikke Friis Dam and Teo Yu Siang, Interaction Design Foundation, online design school globally (2002).  https://www.interaction-design.org/literature/article/empathy-map-why-and-how-to-use-it

Abraham Maslow, A Theory of Human Motivation, 1943

ORS art collection website.

[myspcae]

Unlock the Art of Crafting a Compelling LinkedIn Summary & Bio:

Crafting an engaging LinkedIn summary may appear daunting, especially without examples for guidance. Are you unsure whether to emphasize past roles or showcase accomplishments? Should you write in the first-person or third-person? Let's unravel the process and find the best approach for your unique profile.

Step away from the standard cookie-cutter LinkedIn bio and embark on a journey to craft a personalized summary that fills you with pride. In this blog post, we'll explore essential elements to include in your LinkedIn 'about' section, elevating your profile's appeal. Inspiring examples will be provided for your reference, empowering you to create a remarkable LinkedIn presence. To accelerate your results, connect with the best digital marketing agency in Kolkata.

Why a Strong LinkedIn Summary Matters:

Writing a LinkedIn summary might seem unnecessary, especially if your profile is up-to-date and you are not actively seeking job opportunities. However, a well-crafted LinkedIn summary is pivotal in achieving career success. Whether you're a salesperson leveraging social selling or a professional exploring new avenues, here are compelling reasons why investing in a LinkedIn summary is a must:

Introduce Yourself Authentically: Your past roles are essential, but they don't define your entirety. A LinkedIn summary lets you make a personable first impression, spotlighting your accomplishments and expertise succinctly.

Reveal Your Personality: Tailor your summary to reflect your unique personality, be it through flair and humor or maintaining a professional tone. This allows recruiters and users to gauge your character and potential cultural fit, while prospects and clients gain insight into what it's like to collaborate with you.

Boost Visibility in LinkedIn Search Results: LinkedIn's algorithm considers your 'about' section, headline, current title, and other factors when ranking search results. Incorporating relevant keywords into your LinkedIn summary enhances your visibility to potential prospects and recruiters. Skillful keyword use can attract more views and connections. LinkedIn growth is an integral part of digital marketing.

Explore Effective Ways to Craft Your LinkedIn Summary:

Captivate Your Audience: Create an Engaging LinkedIn Summary Opener

The opening sentence of your LinkedIn summary plays a pivotal role in retaining your audience's interest. To ensure continued engagement, craft a strong opener that piques curiosity and compels readers to delve deeper. This technique, known as a hook, can be achieved through intriguing questions or outlandish claims that demand further explanation. As readers are drawn in, they'll eagerly explore your professional journey, uncovering more about you.

Reveal Your Purpose: Share the 'Why' Behind Your Career on LinkedIn

Go beyond the mere 'what you do' and infuse your LinkedIn profile with the deeper reasons fueling your passion. People connect on a profound level with stories and values, making the inclusion of your 'why' crucial. Unveil the factors that led you to your profession and articulate your mission in your current role. By sharing your story, your LinkedIn profile transforms into an emotionally resonant representation, attracting others to your purpose. An expert digital marketer can help you achieve better results.

Mission Example: "Growing up along the Mississippi River, I witnessed its transformation as manufacturing standards improved, leading to a cleaner environment. This experience ignited my commitment to spreading the word about sustainability in business environments. I believe that driving positive change within organizations can create a lasting impact on our planet's well-being and foster a more sustainable future for generations to come."

Showcase Industry Expertise & Strengthen Your Mission with Qualifications

Following your mission, reinforce it with your industry expertise in just two to three sentences. Highlight your background and qualifications to accentuate your capabilities. Whether you are a salesperson connecting with prospects or a customer success manager engaging customers, spotlight your expertise in the relevant field. This assures clients and prospects of your reliable support and proficiency, aligning opportunities with your goals.

By synergizing your mission with your industry prowess, your LinkedIn summary becomes a compelling testament to your professional acumen and commitment to making a positive impact in your chosen field.

Highlight Specialties and Skills: Define Your Focus with Precision

After showcasing your expertise, concisely articulate your areas of specialization in 1-2 sentences. For digital marketers, specify whether you excel in SEO or social media strategies. Recent college graduates can highlight specific fields of study within their chosen industry. In the vast realm of sales, where roles and target audiences vary, explicitly calling out your specialties becomes paramount. Attract employers and prospects alike by pinpointing your strengths, and aligning with your objectives effectively.

By following these strategies, you'll create an impressive LinkedIn summary that captures your essence as a professional, leaving a lasting impression on anyone who visits your profile. Reach out to a reputable digital marketing agency for faster and better results.

Now, you're poised to unleash your unique story and expertise, creating a LinkedIn presence that stands out in the digital landscape."

[bourboncynic]

Hell Of A Way To End A Friendship...

H-

In light of recent events and activity – you’re right. Our dynamic has shifted and it’s not been a good one for either of us.

You’re not happy. I’m not happy.

I have made several attempts to bury the hatchet, make small conversation, and (in hopes of) discussing the latest shift and how to possibly fix it, but to no avail. There has been a significant shift in recent weeks, even prior to you being super sick and needing to distance yourself for a bit. I at least checked in on you periodically as well as attempted to make your day better by being my goofy self.

So, I am going to be honest, for the first ever between us with hopes I can be heard and understood (for once).

I am not a fan of how I’ve been regarded lately.

Or, in general.

I am hurt. I feel disrespected. And ultimately, I feel used and deluded.

You’ll disagree. Which is fine. Your feelings are valid.

However, my mental health is of vital importance to me right now and it has not been seeing any signs of relief and/or improvement with you in my life. Especially when our dynamic has deteriorated by the minute, by the day, by the week.

I know I am not perfect. I have severe flaws for which I am working on. People do change, but you can’t wait for someone to change when he or she is impacting your mental health. You can’t wait for someone to change when he or she is causing your depression and overall decline. You can’t wait for someone to change when he or she squanders the chances you give and doesn’t appreciate your efforts in return.

Despite all of the horrible actions you bestowed on me, I always chose to see the good in you. I still, and will always see the good in you. You are not a bad person.

I understand people hurt other people. I will forever cherish the laughs, late night chit-chats, advice/guidance, inside jokes, and fun moments we’ve had. Letting go is not easy, but it’s best for me right now.

And to extend an olive branch, it is probably the best for you as well.

Maybe someday, like (10) years down the road, you’ll realize the way you’ve hurt me and we can mend it. For now, I believe it is just best to go our separate ways for a very long while.

I am not writing this as a form of revenge.

I am not writing this to engage in an argument or heated discussion.

I am not writing this to warn you that I plan on souring your name and reputation for the world to see (it’s not really my style and I separate art from the person).

The last act I would do is to hurt you in ways you’ve hurt me. I know I’ve, occasionally, let you down, disappointed you, and probably irked you to the point of anguish.

If you really read this, process and digest it; I hope you are able to reflect on it and grow from your mistakes. I hope you never regard anyone else like you did me in the future. If you don’t read this, I hope you have a happy and successful life and maybe I’ll see you around at auditions, callbacks, and performances.

Our working relationship would be different, sure. But I credit where credit is due. You are gifted and I have enjoyed working with you. But I don’t know if working alongside each other again, minus the close friendship aspect, will be an experience we’ll enjoy.

You were the one person I believed I could go to for anything. If I needed to speak to someone who I knew would listen, no matter the circumstance, it was you. You were first priority over my own mother, or Pita, or Ric (who I’d go to for any matters involving theatre… before you and I began our friendship again over a year ago). Then, the unthinkable happened. In a single moment, it seems; the undeniably strong bond between us was shattered by a growing insurmountable certainty so rotten, yet so pure. You betrayed me.

This is not because I hate you.

This is because I need to heal from the actions I am about to describe.

I remained your friend for so long because you are all I had really. You were the friend I never had. You made me feel special and popular. You made me feel my absolute best. You were the only friend I knew in Phoenix who related to my experiences in my life; past and present. Not to mention, I really enjoyed your company. I found you to be hilarious, and we had a blast. I even fell in love with you all over again. For once, I finally felt like I had the woman of my dreams and she liked me in return. I had the storybook romance. I fell for a dear friend and had her. In my life, it never happened. I ended up settling for who was best at the moment. Not with you. I was on cloud nine.

Over time, the fun times and conversations began to fade away. I was no longer your friend when you, repeatedly, were belittling me, chastising me, arguing with me, finding every excuse to put me down or kick me down, and depriving me of any strength I had left. Yes, I know I spent a whole day hurling insults at you which you claimed “destroyed you.” Well, you finally had a chance to feel like how I’ve been feeling. Only you felt it in a matter of minutes and hours. I’ve been feeling it for weeks, months.

We already had missed a lot of misunderstandings; I was the one who managed to apologize and/or work on myself just to keep you in my life. I wanted to believe our bickering, eggshell walks, and fragile conversations were just temporary, and it would get better.

It didn’t.

Every other time you got my forgiveness, but not this time.

I now know what I should have done.

Even once in our one plus year of friendship, you may have shown me your moral support but never any support to my feelings or well-being. Whenever I was in my deepest days, you would put the blame on me and name-call me and pick a fight with me instead of just having a conversation with me. How many moments could have been settled quickly with a simple conversation. My feelings were invalid. Yours outdid all. I don’t know why, but still I called you my bestie and regarded you like a family member while you never regarded me the same way.

Staying in a destructive friendship for so long is not your fault — it’s mine. With all said, I sincerely wish you all the success in the world.

Though we are no longer going to be in contact, please know I will continue rooting for you! I believe you have a good heart, but you have some really deep issues you need help working through. As do I, which is why I am making my leave presently.

I know you have the strength to do that. I know in your heart you are capable of being a good friend to the new people you will meet in the future.

Unfortunately, that friend cannot be me.

I hope you use this opportunity to grow and reflect so you won’t do this to anyone else in the future.

I will truly miss all the great times and conversations we had.

Take care.

Best,

The friend who stayed as long as he could

[thomcantsleep]

How You Learn How to Write

They say that you can’t teach writing and they’re probably right. What I believe is that there are definitely ways to get better and improve your craft. Certain things are absolutely necessary to progress and improve as a writer - no matter what the skill level is.

I’ve got a few things here and there that aren’t trade secrets but more good advice for moving forward with your writing.

1. Put Pen to Paper.

You don’t know what you’re like at writing if you don’t try at least once. The important thing about giving it a go is that if you won’t know where to start if you don’t start at all. You may think that you’re terrible at writing or that you’re God’s gift to the medium but you have to produce something - and I mean anything - to get started. Think of it as taking a preliminary test for a college to get a handle on your skill level. See my blog about writing exercises if you need any help. :)

2. Get Help (and Allow Yourself to Be Helped).

It seems incredibly obvious considering what the subject of this article is but what is fundamental to learning the art of writing is that you have to know how to get help, where to get help from and how to apply it to your work. What I should point out at this juncture is that you should never hand out money to people who are offering to read your work. Most literary agents would happily read your work for free.

But it doesn’t have to be a literary agent. Just get someone who you trust to tell you the truth and be honest. Preferably, get a reader to critique your work like they would for a book from a bookshop. The more important aspect is psychological. You have to learn how to take criticism on the chin and not take it personally. Understand that whoever is giving you constructive critcism has your best interests in mind. What is constructive criticism? Simple. The want for your work to be more effective and when that want is asked for. Not unprompted put-downs in preference of what the critic wants.

Be prepared to take the advice and make the changes to your work. You may see it as a damage to your work and you may even not end up with that in your final edit but cycling through the chunks of info will help you find your way - what is good and what isn’t.

3. Read.

I’ll keep putting it in writing articles until I’m blue in the face but you have to read. If not read, take in any media - painted art, television, cinema, music - and think about it creatively; how was it put together and how it works as a piece of media. Take in the story, the composition, the structure, the dialogue and the syntax. What you learned in English Literature at school is useful in these scenarios because of the problem-solving skills it teaches you. When you understand what makes something quintessentially good. What, exactly, absorbs you in the product?

When you know the answer, it will make you a better writer. Think about art like a philosopher thinks about life or how a psychologist thinks about the mind.

4. Make Use of Your Notebook (or memo app on your phone).

Plan. Write down story ideas (they won’t stay in your head forever). Keep tabs on your progress and if someone tells you helpful advice or if you read a pertinent quote online, write it down. Be economical and try not to fill your notebook with random circled words out of context or underlined dates for no reason. It isn’t enough to just cosplay as a writer because you actually have to be one if you want to be good at it. This piece of advice is only small but it’s practical and a good notebook can put in the hard yards to make you work-hours more efficient in the long run.

5. Engage Your Imagination.

The word learning might sound tedious to you because it probably reminds you of a time in your life where you were depressed, bored, lost or just generally having a bad time of it. The truth is though that the best writers at the top of their game with nothing left to prove are still learning. You have to think about the process of writing without an academic mindset so you get the best out of yourself.

I did go to university and it must be said that it didn’t necessarily teach me how to write but taught me how to be better. I didn’t take a fancy to writing in school because they don’t really teach it and the subject of “creative writing” isn’t defined by 2+2. It’s closer to crafting a sum with two numbers you’ve invented yourself. I may be rambling but my point is this: engaging your imagination is learning how to write.

6. Read Your Own Work Aloud to Yourself.

This is very hard. It’s difficult but very, very necessary. You have to read what you’ve written out loud to yourself so you can see how it sounds.  See if you’re out of breath at the end of sentences and if full-stops (periods) and commas are in the places that they should be. You have to believe me when I say that reading in your head is a completely different sensation.

You’ll even discover certain adjectives and nouns don’t roll of the tongue the way you think they do in your head. There is a certain beat and rhythm to writing that you won’t discover without properly dictating it out loud. As a little bonus, you could unearth grammar and spelling mistakes dotted around here and there. That brings me on to my next and final point.

7. Master The Basics.

Okay, this is the only hard-nosed point that I have to make so I left it at the end.

This isn’t even something that you need a degree for. You just have to know how to use Google and utilize it for incredibly accessible knowledge about language and how it is constructed. Grammar, punctuation, sentence structure - all that really boring stuff that you learned really early on. If you didn’t pursue the subject of English Language (or the respective national language class in your country) in further education because of whatever reason, you will lose that basic knowledge.

If you use a word and you ask yourself what it means and your brain doesn’t have a proper answer, look it up. Always double-check that a word means exactly what you think it means. You can’t just guess or go from memory unless you are positively sure. Don’t allow yourself to be caught out and, by using Google more and more, it will stick in your head. For example, I used the word quintessentially in this article earlier. I looked up both what it means and how to spell it. I was 95% sure but that isn’t enough. If you don’t know where the apostrophe goes in a sentence, I am begging you to look it up. There is no shame in not knowing and using a search engine takes ten seconds max.

If you master the basics, even your writing isn’t all that much to write home about, it will look professionally put together. You’d be surprised how many mistakes you read online and you don’t even know it is a mistake. I have made mistakes that have been easily avoidable had I just looked it up.

[storiesforallfandoms]

and the winner is... ~ eminem

word count: 1784

request?: yes!

“hey, love your writing sm ❤️ I really like the concept where the reader is a young actress with Eminem, so can I request one where they go to Marshall’s award show for the first time publicly, they try to keep it low key but the reader presents an award and when Em wins they share a warm moment on stage and the media loses it? thanks in advance”

description: in which they say they’re going to be lowkey for their first public appearance as a couple, and then he wins the award she’s presenting

pairing: eminem x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist (one, two)

It was hard to keep my hands off of Marshall as we walked down the red carpet. It was our first public outing as a couple, but Marshall wasn’t very into PDA so we had decided to keep it somewhat lowkey. It seemed like a good idea in theory, until Marshall did the unthinkable and showed up dressed in a suit. How am I supposed to not jump his bones when he looks damn fine in a suit?

Every time I so much as glanced at him the paparazzi would go crazy. So many flashing lights that eventually I was seeing spots. It was hard to keep smiling when I couldn’t even see ahead of me.

Marshall put an arm around my waist - which of course led to more flashing lights - and walked me off the red carpet into the venue. The minute I walked through the doors into the dimly lit room, it really was like I couldn’t see. I had to take a minute to let my eyes adjust to the sudden light change.

“Weird how quickly I go from basically a nobody on a red carpet to a hot commodity just because I have attractive arm candy,” I joked.

A half smile tugged at Marshall’s lips. “You were never a nobody. Not to me anyways.”

“Awe, that’s so sweet it’s kind of gross,” I teased.

This earned me an actual laugh as Marshall pulled me in for a kiss. Without any prying eyes around, we felt free to actually be a couple.

We engaged with some others in the industry, including those Marshall considered to be close friends of his. I felt out of place at this music award show as an actress who was still trying to become more than just a side character in the movies she starred in. I was grateful to have Marshall there to help me through it.

When we took our seats as the show was starting, Marshall reached over to take my hand. “Are you okay?”

I shrugged. “Nervous I think. Which I shouldn’t be because it’s just me announcing an award, but it’s my first time on an award show stage for any reason, and it’s a pretty big award.”

“And it’s one I’m nominated for.”

I looked over at Marshall with wide eyes. “What?!”

“You didn’t know?”

I shook my head. Now I felt so much more nervous. What if I pulled a Steve Harvey and said the wrong name because I wanted Marshall to win? Or what if he actually did win but everyone thought I said he did because we were dating? I tried to focus on the stage ahead of me but my heart was beating so fast that my vision was starting to get blurry. I felt warm, like I was sweating, which made me worry that my makeup was starting to run. I was going to look disgusting with my makeup running on live television.

Sensing my new found nervousness, Marshall gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Hey, look at me.” I glanced over to meet his gaze. “It’s going to be okay. You’ve rehearsed this speech so much that you can say it without the teleprompter. It’s not going to be any different just because I’m nominated. If I win, you give me the award and I do a speech. If I don’t win, you give the award to whoever does and they make a speech. It’s not a big deal, (Y/N), don’t worry too much about it.”

I wished I could’ve just let my fear rush from my body, but it was still there. Before I could say anything else, the lights went down and the show officially started.

I tried to just sit and enjoy the show but it was hard when I had my upcoming presenter role looming over me. Of course, it was one of the last awards of the show, so I had to sit there and let my nerves build as the suspense for the winner of the award grew as well.

Every now and then Marshall would give my hand another squeeze and I would calm down for that split second. Having him by my side helped a lot, but every time I remembered that he might be the recipient of the award I became nervous again.

Finally, it was my time to take the stage. They passed me the envelope with the name of the winner and motioned for me to take the stage. I plastered a smile on my face as my name was called and I walked onto the stage. I hoped the cameras couldn’t pick up my shaking, and I really hoped my shaking wouldn’t make my voice sound as bad as I feared it would.

“This award can only go to the best of the best,” I started, glancing at the prompter in front of me to make sure I was saying the words correctly. “The person who worked the hardest and had the best payoff with their release. The competition this year is fierce, and it was hard to narrow it down to just these five artists, as there have been so many amazing works of art released this past year. It has been an even harder choice to pick who of them all is the best, although I might be bias in saying I’ve already chosen my favorite.”

The audience chuckled at my improved addition to the speech.

“Ladies and gentlemen, here are your nominees.”

I watched the video that played of the nominated artists. My heart skipped a beat when Marshall came up, a few clips from the music videos he had filmed playing in a short montage. He had worked so hard on his latest album, every part of me hoped that he would be the winner I was announcing.

As the video came to an end, I turned back to face the audience (and the cameras) to announce the winner.

“And the award goes to...”

I tried not to let my slight fear show as I fumbled with the envelope for a moment. I started to worry that I wouldn’t even be able to open it and completely embarrass myself on live TV. I tried not to sigh with relief when the seal perfectly popped open and I was able to pull the card out. The smile on my face had to have given away the winner before the words were even out of my mouth.

“Eminem!”

The crowd cheered and stood from their seats. A camera found Marshall, who was standing from his seat and hugging Paul and Denaun before making his way to the stage. I couldn’t help but smile proudly at him as I extended the award I was holding - his award - to him.

I was taken by surprise when he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss. It was brief since he had an award to accept, but it was enough to make my head spin, the way his kisses usually did.

When he pulled away I was still so stunned that I almost forgot to give him his award. I could see him trying to hold back a laugh as he took it from my hands and turned to the microphone.

“Thank you,” he said to the still cheering audience. For a minute I forgot there was anyone else in the room, and realizing so many people had watched that kiss made my cheeks heat up. “I’d like to thank my manager, Paul, who for some reason still backs me with everything I do and produce even when it pushes the boundaries a little too much. I also want to thank the good Doctor, who has been supporting me since day one and who has always believed in me and gave me this platform to make music and to push the boundaries that Paul has to deal with. My daughters, my biggest inspirations. And of course, I’d like to thank the beautiful lady who presented this award to me tonight. I may not show it publicly but I am my happiest when I’m with you and I cannot thank you enough for that.”

I blinked away the tears forming in my eyes as I clapped along with the audience. The music started playing as Marshall offered me his arm to walk me off the stage. I felt like I was floating on cloud nine as we walked down the stairs and backstage, away from the cameras and the thousands of people watching us, both in person and on TV.

We were greeted backstage by other presenters and winners who were still mingling and celebrating their wins. Marshall was congratulated and a few of the other presenters told me how well I did with my presentation. I was proud of myself for getting through it, but I was more proud that I didn’t go completely airheaded after Marshall kissed me.

When we finally got away from the large amount of people, Marshall pulled me in for another kiss.

“So much for keeping it lowkey, huh?” I teased when I pulled away.

“I was caught up in the moment,” he said with a shrug, but I wasn’t completely convinced.

“That speech was uncharacteristically sweet,” I said. “For your public persona anyways. I figured you’d keep it short and sweet and maybe get the show into a little bit of trouble with an unplanned curse word.”

He chuckled. “Well normally that would be how things go. But I meant what I said during my speech: you make me the happiest I’ve ever been. When you said my name I just couldn’t help but feel this unfamiliar surge of happiness and excitement at winning. You know I don’t care about these types of award shows, but the fact that you presented this award to me made me care for just a second. I know I’ll be the talking point for the next few days because of this, but right now I don’t care all that much.”

Tears were welling in my eyes again as I pulled him back to me. “Shut up, you’re gonna ruin my makeup.”

His laugh filled my ears as he pulled me for another kiss. The happiness he said he felt coursed through my veins too. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else in a moment like this.

When he pulled away he put his arm around me again and started to walk towards the door. “Let’s get out of here. I think I wanna celebrate my win with the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.”

I smiled brightly at him. “I like the sound of that.”

[chasingsolstice]

More witchy tips!

Keep a dream journal. Keep it right by your bed and write in it as soon as you wake up to record your clearest memory possible. You may not be able to remember a dream every night, but this practice will lead to increased rememberance, and possibly eventual Lucid Dreaming.

Start a garden if possible. Nurturing plants is just nice, and using your own fresh herbs is really empowering in my opinion.

Notice when things resonate with you. Anything that gives you pause and makes you curious in a good way, do a little research and learn more about it! I'm talking a color, creature, work of art, plant, concept, literally anything. Research! Free PDF files are available online for tons of books! (I'm considering making a separate post with my own pdf library for y'all too.)

Cleanse! Take intentful baths/showers and clean your body regularly. Try and keep your physical space clean too, and intentionally cleanse the energy of your environment on the regular. (Note to peeps who struggle doing these: I know it's hard to tackle doing these things when you're feeling shitty, but try anyway. Doing these things will improve your mood 9/10 times, even if all you do is wash your face, light a candle, and put laundry in baskets.)

Practice Energy Work. Energy is a part of everything, and connects everything, so being able to sense it is helpful. A common example is being able to tell if you're being watched, even if you can't see the one watching you. One way to practice is by getting in a comfortable position for meditation, and try to sense what you feel inside your body, ex. try and focus on the sensation inside your big toe, and move that awareness around your body. I once was able to sense my pulse anywhere in my body by thinking about it, I consider that an energy work practice. Once you feel confident about sensing your own energy, you can try a crystal, plant, etc, and start playing with energy balls/thoughtforms if you like.

Practice breath work. Similar to energy work, but with a focus on your breathing. There are lots of breathing exercises, so feel free to experiment with the length of inhale/exhale/hold. Breathing exercises will help you in meditation exercises as well. In yoga, your breath is often refered to as your prana, which is your energy. It's all connected.

Write yourself a personal mantra. It should be empowering and use affirmative language (meaning say something like 'i am safe' rather than 'i am not in danger'). Repeat it to yourself frequently. Be your own best friend here, uplift yourself, and engage in self care even if self care in the moment means doing something difficult.

Believe in Yourself. Be the kind of person you want to see more of in the world.

[warsofasoiaf]

Writing Characters With Believable Military PTSD

I typically write these writing and worldbuilding essays from a dispassionate perspective, offering advice and context to prospective writers from as neutral a point of view as I can manage, with the goal being to present specific pieces of information and broader concepts that can hopefully improve writing and build creators’ confidence to bring their projects to fruition, whether that be writing, tabletop gaming, video game programming, or anything that suits their fancy. While writing this essay though, I struggled to maintain that perspective. Certainly, the importance of the topic to me was a factor, but ultimately, I saw impersonality just as a suboptimal presentation method for something so intensely personal. I do maintain some impartiality particularly in places where historical or academic context is called for, but in other respects I’ve opted for a different approach. Ultimately, this essay is a labor of love for me, love for those who suffer from military PTSD, love for those who love those who suffer from it, and love for writers who want to, in the way that they so choose, help those two other groups out. Thus, this is a different type of essay in certain segments than my usual fare; I hope the essay isn’t an unreadable chimera because of it.

This essay focuses on military-related PTSD. While there are some concepts that translate well into PTSD in the civilian sphere, there are unique elements that do not necessarily fit the mold in both directions, so for someone hoping to write a different form of PTSD, I would recommend finding other resources that could better suit your purposes. I also recommend using more than one source just in general, trauma is personal and so multiple sources can help provide a wide range of experiences to draw upon, which should hopefully improve any creative work.

And as a final introductory note, traumatic experiences are deeply personal. If you are using someone you know as a model for your writing, you owe it to that person to communicate exactly what you are doing and to ask their permission every step of the way. I consider it a request out of politeness to implore any author who uses someone else’s experiences to inform their writing in any capacity, but when it comes to the truly negative experiences in someone’s life, this rises higher from request to demand. You will ask someone before taking a negative experience from their own life and placing it into your creative works, and you will not hide anything about it from them. Receiving it is a great sign of trust. The opposite is a travesty, robbing someone of a piece of themselves and placing it upon display as a grotesque exhibit. And if that sounds ghoulish and macabre, it’s because it is, without hyperbole. Don’t do it.

Why Write PTSD?

What is the purpose of including PTSD in a creative work? There have been plenty of art therapy actions taken by those who suffer PTSD to create something from their condition, which can be as profound for those who do not have it as it is therapeutic for those that do, but why would someone include it in their creative works, and why is some no-name guy on the internet writing an essay offering tips as to how to do it better?

Certainly, one key element is that it’s real, and it happens. If art is to reflect upon reality, PTSD suffered by soldiers is one element of that, so art can reflect it, but what specifically about PTSD, as opposed to any other facet of existence? Author preference certainly plays a factor, but why would someone try to include something that is difficult to understand and difficult to portray? While everyone comes to their own reason, I think that a significant number of people are curious about what exactly goes on in the minds of someone suffering through PTSD, and creative works allow them a way to explore it, much the way fiction can explore scenarios and emotions that are either unlikely or unsafe to explore in reality. If that’s the case, then the purpose of this essay is rather simple, to make the PTSD examination more grounded in reality and thus a better reflection of it. But experiences are unique even if discernable patterns emerge, so in that sense, no essay created by an amateur writer with no psychological experience could be an authoritative take on reality, the nature of which would is far beyond the scope of this essay.

For my own part, I think that well-done creative works involving PTSD is meant to break down the isolation that it can cause in its wake. Veterans suffering may feel that they are alone, that their loved ones cannot understand them and the burden of trying to create that would simply push them away; better instead to have the imperfect bonds that they currently have than risk losing them entirely. For those who are on the outside looking in, isolation lurks there as well, a gulf that seems impossible to breach and possibly intrusive to even try. Creative works that depict PTSD can help create a sense that victims aren’t alone, that there are people that understand and can help without demeaning the sense of self-worth. Of course, another element would be to reduce the amount of poorly-done depictions of PTSD. Some creative works use PTSD as a backstory element, relegating a defining and important element of an individual’s life as an aside, or a minor problem that can be resolved with a good hug and a cry or a few nights with the right person. If a well-done creative work can help create a bridge and break down isolation, a poorly-done one can turn victims off, reinforcing the idea that no one understands and worse, no one cares. For others, it gives a completely altered sense of what PTSD is and what they could do to help, keeping them out, confusing them, or other counter-productive actions. In that sense, all the essay is to help build up those who are doing the heavy lifting. I’m not full of so much hubris as to think this is a profound piece of writing that will help others, but if creators are willing to try and do the hard work of building a bridge, I could at least try to help out and provide a wheelbarrow.

An Abbreviated Look At The Many Faces and Names of PTSD Throughout History

PTSD has been observed repeatedly throughout human history, even when it was poorly understood. This means that explorations of PTSD can be written in settings even if they did not have a distinctly modern understanding of neurology, trauma, or related matters. These historical contexts are also useful for worldbuilding a believable response in fictional settings and scenarios that don’t necessarily have a strict analogue in our own history. By providing this historical context, hopefully I can craft a broad-based sense of believable responses to characters with PTSD at a larger level.

In the time of Rome, it was understood by legionnaires that combat was a difficult endeavor, and so troops were typically on the front lines engaged in combat for short periods of time, to be rotated back for rest while others took their place. It was considered ideal, in these situations, to rotate troops that fought together back so that they could rest together. The immediate lesson is obvious, the Romans believed that it was vital for troops to take time to process what they had done and that was best served with quiet periods of rest not just to allow the adrenaline to dissipate (the "combat high"), but a chance for the mind to wrap itself around what the legionnaire had done. The Romans also recognized that camaraderie between fellow soldiers helped soldiers to cope, and this would be a running theme throughout history (and remains as such today). Soldiers were able to empathize with each other, and help each other through times of difficulty. This was not all sanguine, however, Roman legions depended on their strong formations, and a soldier that did not perform their duty could endanger the unit, and so shame in not fulfilling their duty was another means to keep soldiers in line. The idea of not letting down your fellow soldiers is a persistent refrain in coping with the traumas of war, and throughout history this idea has been used for both pleasant and unpleasant means of keeping soldiers in the fight.

In the Middle Ages, Geoffroi de Charny wrote extensively on the difficulties that knights could experience on the campaign trail in his Book of Chivalry. The book highlights the deprivation that knights suffered, from the bad food and poor sleep to the traumatic experience of combat to being away from family and friends to the loss of valued comrades to combat and infection; each of these is understood as a significant stressor that puts great strain on the mental health of soldiers up to today. De Charny recommended focusing on the knightly oaths of service, the needs of the mission of their liege, and the duty of the knight to serve as methods to help bolster the resolve of struggling knights. The book also mentions seeking counseling and guidance from priests or other confidants to help improve their mental health to see their mission through. This wasn’t universal, however. Some severely traumatized individuals were seen as simple cowards, and punished harshly for their perceived cowardice as antithetical to good virtue and to serve as an example.

World War I saw a sharp rise in the reported incidents of military-related PTSD and new understandings and misunderstandings. The rise in the number of soldiers caused a rise in cases of military PTSD, even though the term itself was not known at the time. Especially in the early phases of the war, many soldiers suffering from PTSD were thought to be malingering, pretending to have symptoms to avoid being sent to the front lines. The term “shell shock” was derived because it was believed that the concussive force of artillery bombardment caused brain damage as it rattled the skull or carbon monoxide fumes would damage the brain as they were inhaled, as a means to explain why soldiers could have physical responses such as slurred speech, lack of response to external stimuli, even nigh-on waking catatonia, despite not being hit by rifle rounds or shrapnel. This would later be replaced by the term “battle fatigue” when it became apparent that artillery bombardment was not a predicative indicator. Particularly as manpower shortages became more prevalent, PTSD-sufferers could be sent to firing squads as a means to cow other troops to not abandon their post. Other less fatal methods of shaming could occur, such as the designation “Lack of Moral Fibre,” an official brand of cowardice, as an attempt to shame the members into remembering their duty. As the war developed, and understanding grew, better methods of treatment were made, with rest and comfort provided to slight cases, strict troop rotations observed to rotate men to and from the front lines, and patients not being told that they were being evacuated for nervous breakdown to avoid cementing that idea in their mind. These lessons would continue into World War II, where the term “combat stress reaction” was adopted. While not always strenuously followed, regular rotations were adopted as standard policy. This was still not universal, plenty of units still relied upon bullying members into maintaining their post despite mental trauma.

The American military promotes a culture of competence and ability, particularly for the enlisted ranks, and that lends itself to the soldier viewing themselves in a starkly different fashion than a civilian. Often, a soldier sees the inability to cope with a traumatic experience as a personal failure stemming from the lack of mental fortitude. Owning up to such a lack of capability is tantamount to accepting that they are an inferior soldier, less capable than their fellows. This idea is commonly discussed, and should not be ignored, but it is far from the only reason. The military also possesses a strong culture of fraternity that obligates “Don’t be a fuckup,” is a powerful motivating force, and it leads plenty of members of the military to ignore traumatic experiences out of the perceived need not to put the burden on their squadmates. While most professional militaries stress that seeking mental health for trauma is not considered a sign of weakness, enlisted know that if they receive mental health counseling, it is entirely likely that someone will have to take their place in the meantime. That could potentially mean that another person, particularly in front-line units, are exposed to danger that they would otherwise not be exposed to, potentially exacerbating guilt if said person gets hurt or killed. This is even true in stateside units, plenty of soldiers don’t report for treatment because it would mean dumping work on their fellows, a negative aspect of unit fraternity. Plenty of veterans also simply never are screened for mental health treatment, and usually this lends to a mentality of “well, no one is asking, so I should be fine.” These taken together combine to a heartbreaking reality, oftentimes a modern veteran that seeks help for mental trauma has often coped silently for years, perhaps self-medicating with alcohol or off-label drug usage, and is typically very far along their own path comparatively. Others simply fall through the cracks, not being screened for mental disorders and so do not believe that anything is wrong; after all, if something was wrong, surely the doctors would notice it, right? The current schedule of deployments, which are duration-based and not mission-based, also make it hard for servicemembers to rationalize their experiences and equate them to the mission; there’s no sense of pairing suffering to objectives the way that de Charnay mentioned could help contextualize the deprivation and loss. These sorts of experiences make the soldier feel adrift, and their suffering pointless, which is discouraging on another level. It is one thing to suffer for a cause, it’s another not to know why, amplifying the feelings of powerlessness and furthering the isolation that they feel.

Pen to Page - The Characters and Their Responses

The presentation of PTSD within a character will depend largely on the point-of-view that the author creates. A character that suffers from PTSD depending on the presence of an internal or external point-of-view, will be vastly different experiences on page. Knowing this is essential, as this will determine how the story itself is presenting the disorder. Neither is necessarily more preferable than the other, and is largely a matter of the type of story being told and the personal preference of the author.

Internal perspectives will follow the character’s response from triggering event to immediate response. This allows the author to present a glimpse into what the character is experiencing. In these circumstances, remember that traumatic flashbacks are merely one of many experiences that an average sufferer of PTSD can endure. In a visual medium, flashbacks are time-effective methods to portray a character reliving portions of a traumatic experience, but other forms of media can have other tools. Traumatic flashbacks are not necessarily a direct reliving of an event from start to finish, individuals may instead feel sudden sharp pains of old injuries, be overwhelmed by still images of traumatic scenes or loud traumatic sounds. These can be linked to triggers that bring up the traumatic incident, such as a similar sight, sound, or smell. These moments of linkage are not necessarily experienced linearly or provide a clear sequence of events from start to finish (memory rarely is unless specifically prompted), and it may be to the author’s advantage to not portray them as such in order to communicate the difficulty in mental parsing that the character may be experiencing. Others might be more intrusive, such as violently deranged nightmares that prevent sleep. The author must try to strike a balance between portraying the experience realistically and portraying it logically that audience members can understand. The important thing about these memories is that they are intrusive, unwelcome, and quite stressful, so using techniques that jar the reader, such as the sudden intrusive image of a torn body, a burning vehicle, or another piece of the traumatic incident helps communicate the disorientation. Don't rely simply on shock therapy, it's not enough just to put viscera on the page. Once it is there, the next steps, how the character reacts, is crucial to a believable response.

When the character experiences something that triggers their PTSD, start to describe the stress response, begin rapidly shortening the sentences to simulate the synaptic activity, express the fight-flight-freeze response as the character reacts, using the tools of dramatic action to heighten tension and portraying the experience as something frightful and distinctly undesirable. The triggering incident brings back the fear, such as a pile of rubble on the side of the road being a potential IED location, or a loud firework recalling the initial moments of an enemy ambush. The trauma intrudes, and the character falls deep into the stress response, and now they react. How does this character react? By taking cover? By attacking the aggressor who so reminds them of the face of their enemy? Once the initial event starts, then the character continues to respond. Do they try to get to safety? Secure the area and eliminate the enemy? Eventually, the character likely recognizes their response is inappropriate. It wasn’t a gunshot, it was a car backfiring, the smell of copper isn’t the sight of a blown-apart comrade and the rank odor of blood, it’s just a jug of musty pennies. This fear will lead to control mechanisms where the victim realizes that their response is irrational. Frequently, the fear is still there, and it still struggles with control. This could heighten a feeling a powerlessness in the character as they try and fail to put the fear under control: "Yes, I know this isn’t real and there’s nothing to be afraid of, but I’m still shaking and I am still afraid!" It’s a horrifying logical track, a fear that the victim isn’t even in control of their thoughts - the one place that they should have control - and that they might always be this way. There’s no safety since even their thoughts aren’t safe. Despair might also follow, as the victim frantically asserts to regain control. Usually with time, the fear starts to lessen as the logical centers of the brain regain control, and the fear diminishes. Some times, the victim can't even really recall the exact crippling sense of fear when attempting to recall it, only that they were afraid and that it was deeply scary and awful, but the notion that it happened remains in their mind.

Control mechanisms are also important to developing a believable PTSD victim. Most sufferers dread the PTSD response and so actively avoid objects or situations that could potentially trigger. Someone who may have had to escape from a helicopter falling into the ocean may not like to be immersed in water. Someone who was hit by a hidden IED may swerve to avoid suspicious piles in the road. Someone buried under a collapsing ceiling may become claustrophobic. Thus, many characters with PTSD will be hypervigilant almost to the point of exhaustion, avoiding setting off the undesired response. This hypervigilance is mentally taxing; the character begins to become sluggish mentally as all their energy is squeezed out, leaving them struggling for even the simplest of rational thoughts. This mental fog can be translated onto the page in dramatic effect by adding paragraph length to even simple actions, bringing the reader along into the fog, laboriously seeing the character move to perform simple actions. Then, mix in a loss of a sense of purpose. They’re adrift, not exactly sure what they’re doing and barely aware of what’s happening, although they are thinking and functioning. In the character’s daily life, they are living their life using maximum effort to avoid triggering responses; this is another aspect of control that the character can use as an attempt to claw back some semblance of power in their own lives. Even control methods that aren’t necessarily healthy such as drinking themselves to pass out every night or abusing sleeping pills in an attempt to sleep due to their nightmares, are ways to attempt to regain a sense of normalcy and function. Don’t condescend to these characters and make them pathetic, that’s just another layer of cruelty, but showing the unhealthy coping mechanisms can demonstrate the difficulty that PTSD victims are feeling. Combined with an external perspective, the author can show the damage that these unhealthy actions are doing without casting the character as weak for not taking a different path.

External perspectives focus on the other characters and how they observe and react to the individual in question. Since the internal thought process of the character is not known, sudden reactions to an unknown trigger can be quite jarring for characters unaware, which can mirror real-life experiences that individuals can have with PTSD-sufferers. In these types of stories, the character’s reaction to the victim is paramount. PTSD in real life often evokes feelings of helplessness in loved ones when they simply cannot act to help, can evoke confusion, or anger and resentment. These reactions are powerful emotions with the ability to drive character work, and so external perspectives can be useful for telling a story about what it is like for loved ones who suffer in their own fashion. External perspectives can be used not just in describing triggering episodes, but in exploring how the character established coping mechanisms and how their loved ones react to them. Some mechanisms are distinctly unhealthy, such as alcohol or prescription drug abuse, complete withdrawal, or a refusal to drive vehicles, and these create stress and a feeling of helplessness in characters or can impel them to try and take action. Others can be healthy, and a moment of inspiration and joy for an external perspective could be sharing in that mechanism, demonstrating empathy and understanding which evokes strong pathos, and hopefully to friends of those who suffer from PTSD, a feeling that they too, are not alone.

As the character progresses, successes and failures can often be one of the most realistic and most important things to include within the work, since those consumers who have PTSD will see parts of themselves in the characters, which can build empathy and cut down on the feelings of isolation that many victims of PTSD feel. A character could, over the course of the story, begin weaning themselves off of their control mechanisms, have the feelings of panic subside as their logical sides more quickly assert control, replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthier ones, or other elements of character progression and growth. Contrarily, a character making progress could, after experiencing significant but unrelated stressors, backslide either into unhealthy coping mechanisms or be blindsided by another attack. This is a powerful fear for the victim, since it can cause them to think ‘all my progress, all my effort, and I am not free!’ This is often a great fear for PTSD users (people with depression often have the same feeling) that find methods of coping are no longer as effective, and the struggle is perceived as one that they’re ultimately doomed to failure. This feeling of inevitable failure can lead to self-harm and suicide as their avenue of success seems to burn to ash right as it was in their hands. More than one soldier suffering from PTSD has ended up concluding: “Fuck it, I can’t live like this,” as horrible as that is. Don’t be afraid to include setbacks and backsliding, those happen in reality, and can be one of the most isolating fears in their lives; if the goal of portraying PTSD accurately is to help remove that feeling of isolation, then content creators must not avoid these experiences. Success as well as failure are essential to PTSD in characters in stories, these elements moreso than any other, I believe, will transcend the medium and form a connection, fulfilling the objective we set out to include in the beginning paragraphs.

Coming Back to the Beginning

It might be counterintuitive at first glance to say “including military PTSD will probably mean it will be a long journey full of discouraging story beats that might make readers depressed,” because that’s definitely going to discourage some readers to do that. I don’t see it that way, though. The people that want to do it should go in knowing it’s going to be hard, and let that strengthen their resolve, and put the best creation they can forward. The opposite is also true. Not every prospective author has to want to include any number of difficult subjects in their works, and that’s perfectly fine. Content creators must be free to shape the craft that they so desire without the need to be obligated to tackle every difficult issue, and so no content creator should be thought of as lesser or inferior because they opt not to include it in their works. I think that’s honestly stronger than handling an important topic poorly, or even worse, frivolously. Neither should anyone think that a content creator not including PTSD in their works means that they don’t care about those who suffer from it or for those who care about them or who simply don’t care about the subject in general. That’s just a terrible way to treat someone, and in the end, this entire excursion was about the opposite

Ultimately, this essay is a chance not only to help improve creative works involving PTSD, but to reflect on the creative process. Those who still want to proceed, by all means, do so. Hopefully this essay will help you create something that can reach someone. If every piece of work that helps portray PTSD can reach someone somewhere and make things easier, even if ever so little, well then, that’s what it’s really all about.

Hoping everyone has a peaceful Memorial Day. Be good to each to other.

SLAL