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walked to the bank in the pouring rain because i had some stuff that needs sorting asap but turns out my local branch is one of only three in the entire country that can't do what i needed so i figured to make the outing less of a waste i'd treat myself to one of the new christmas drinks at costa but idk if they forgot to actually add the syrup or it's just always flavourless but either way i've gone out and got soaked and all i have to show for it is a shitty overpriced latte that doesn't even taste like christmas
#what kind of bank doesn't have the ability to give out cash or cheques!! what is the point of even being there!!!!#also this delay of now having to do stuff by post is going to delay the completion date we were supposed to have on buying our house#and i am aware that this is very much the epitome of first world problems and i feel like i shouldn't complain#but at the same time it has been six months of every single thing imaginable going wrong and taking longer than expected#and i am at the END of my TETHER#talking
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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#idk what to tag this as#I am so fucking miserable#old selfie#alternative#selfiie#alt girl#metalhead#alt aesthetic#altfashion#lgbtq#lgbt#septum piercing#women in glasses#wearing glasses#kalmah#Kalmah heroes to us#metal music#i am so tired#actually at the end of my tether#drinking again too which suck#just feel stuck in my own body and mind#Spotify
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🦈2
#even tho it was so hard for me. ofc when u can only communicate via the internet so much is lost i think... sm extra things u need to be#more secure kinda? like physical presence does a lot on its own#but yeah.. ok i actually wrote more but u can only have 30tags per post and safari on ur phone does not tell u when it's stopping so half o#what i wrote just disappeared ._. i cant rmbr what i said... and i mean this is just for myself to vent but grr im so annoyed#yeah just that he was sm more patient than i realized. i just was in the start of learning how to live w my avpd#i wasnt able to do a lot. even if i wanted to. he helped me sm to uncover things in myself to start that thing within me#i just desperately wish i had found him earlier and that i've been this far along in my anti avpd limitation abilities.... truly wish that#so im trying to accept it and just think bc i dont have a choice :') i've never wanted anyone like this and that just is how it is#i will always love him simply bc he is who he is#he's so so cool and amazing to me in so so many ways. and i always loved just how he talks and communicates bc it resonates w me#and there are simply sm details i just adore. but yeah... i probably shouldnt think abt that? i feel like.. it isnt my place to think abt i#but it is what it is but it hurts so incredibly much. will i ever be able to let go of him? the love i couldve experienced? the wonderful#person i couldve been with? will i be able to stop thinking abt all his great qualities and how much i wish he was mine? and all the things#wanna do and talk abt with him? he's just.. he just is .. i cant describe it. it feels like more than just earthly love...#maybe i sound insane or too intense or dramatic or smth but.. it feels so much larger than everything#so i struggle sm with letting go bc i want to touch him and i want to love him and i just want to be with him and experience everything w h#but that isnt my place. i know... why.. have i only ever felt like this w him... what do i do with this?? am i crazy? am i going insane? is#there smth wrong with me?#he is worthy of everything and he is so so wonderful but is there smth wrong w me for being so..#for having love that actually truly is all consuming? what is this... it's scary. esp when i cant unleash it. it's like a wild beast i have#to learn how to tame. and i want to be able to find mutual love too. but i cant force anything. will the universe grant me that?#i cant imagine myself ever being able of letting go of him but if that is what the universe has planned then..#ok im actually starting to sound intense and weird and idk O.O i think i think too much#.. it hurts that i wont get to do all of the things and talk abt all the things i wanna do w him. i'll never get to hug him...#if i could ask for only one thing it'd be one hug from him....#maybe is ound crazy but with all my disorders and feeling disconnected from the world.. and finding someone that makes me feel tethered#and safe and real.. and having to let go bc it just wasnt meant for me... why is the universe so cruel.#in the end i care abt him so much i just want him to be loved. i want him to finally feel loved.#someone else.. someone else without avpd can do that for him. i want him to be oh so so loved and .. yeah.. :(#i wish i couldve loved him as he deserves but .. its not my place. not my place... all i want is to hear his voice and live in his arms
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i honestly think i would prefer people i used to be close with to just outright shun me vs greeting me at the kingdom hall. like. that little sliver of interaction just feels cruel...? idk how to explain it but it's like. it's so much easier to deal with just not being spoken to than to have a awkward little conversation that can't extend past pleasantries even though you know that both of you want to keep talking
#nicki.txt#ex jw#brought to you by i saw my ex best friend yesterday and we said hi and she went to say something else but had to stop herself...#it was so f*cking sad#i've been crying about it for an embarrassing amount of time#cause like#there's no way of rationalising it in a way that would make it better#at least if she shunned me i could just... convince myself she didn't see me or something#GRAH#i am really. at the end of my tether#i need to get OUT
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I’ve been obsessed, obsessed, obsessed with Raisha for a while now. I know you’ve said little things about her in the past and i want to know what’s up with her/Gerathon if you’d be willing to talk about it.
I really like Raisha as a character, too! We know so little about her, but in my opinion, she's one of the most fascinating characters in the series. Unfortunately, she meets a sad end in A Revised History of Erdas.
All we know about Raisha post-infection is that she was present at the final battle in The Burning Tide, still under Zerif's control and in pretty bad shape. She vanishes off the grid after that, never mentioned again, not even in the concluding montage of Great Beast summoners reuniting with their fallen spirit animals. My retelling offers some closure, but not the good kind.
In my version of events, Raisha is flanking Zerif when he emerges from the ship with his Great Beasts. Zerif, in an act of cruel irony, saw fit to keep Raisha by his side even in her mindless, infected state. Shane, up in the archers' keep with Abeke, hardly recognizes the girl who helped steal Halawir months earlier. Later, she reappears to restrain Abeke when Zerif brings the defeated Redcloak forces to the Wyrm. When the Wyrm is killed and the parasites lose their power, though, Raisha collapses to the ground and doesn't get back up. The Wyrm had pushed her finite body to an extent that it couldn't recover from. Many people and animals in Zerif's army are the same; their possession eventually killed them. The Wyrm was a child playing with toys, the mechanics of which it couldn't possibly understand. Thankfully for it, its parasites could go on controlling a body in the event of an untimely death. Indeed, Stead raises the possibility that Raisha had been dead for some time, and the parasite was only animating a corpse.
Like I've said before, I didn't do this out of dislike for Raisha or anything like that. She was ultimately another victim of Zerif -- a young, lonely, impressionable girl he took advantage of -- and didn't deserve anything that happened to her. I'll always support AUs where she is alive and well. In my eyes, though, her story was always meant to end in tragedy. By the time she realized her mistake and reached for the light, it was too late.
Gerathon, after reemerging in Southern Zhong and feeling the loss of her human partner, disappeared into the brush and is currently at large. She is only an adolescent cobra at the moment, hardly a threat... but the Great Beasts are growing, and Gerathon's time will inevitably come again. (I like the idea of her becoming a maneater as she slowly regains her former size and power, terrorizing the locals and gaining a place in their legends.) Who knows how she feels about losing Raisha. I expect, under the excruciating pain that may one day drive her to madness, there is a sweet sense of relief.
#sorry this took so long to get out!#i've said it before but i do not think gerathon would take kindly to being a spirit animal and absolutely nothing can change my mind#if raisha hadn't died of her own accord gerathon would have ended up killing her to escape the confines of their bond#i've talked before ab how interesting it would be to delve deeper into how the great beasts feel ab being spirit animals#no longer independent‚ now bound#even if they love the children they are bonded with‚ do they ever wish to be free? would they leave them behind if given the chance?#i can sort of accomplish this with gerathon‚ who actually loses her human partner#although her feelings ab it are not as complex as the others' might be bc there is simply no way she would accept being tethered to a human#gerathon who once controlled a whole army of people like they were ants would never‚ and i mean never‚ endure a partnership with one#the others all might. even kovo and halawir might come to love theirs. but not her. never her#fun fact: long before i envisioned path of the heroes‚ i had a very different concept of a fourth arc that had raisha as the villain#(truthfully it was gerathon manipulating her)#this was a next gen arc so the four heroes and all the great beast summoners were adults. their kids were the protags#in fact raisha's own daughter was one of these protags#crazy times lol#maybe at some point i'll share those very old plans. it's all hilarious and nonsensical bc i was 13 but#it paved the way for path of the heroes and for that i am eternally grateful. my sacred texts#text#asks#a revised history of erdas#spirit animals#spirit animals books#spirit animals series#raisha#gerathon#zerif#the wyrm#abeke#shane#stead
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I am so glad work is over. I literally could not have managed another second of patient interaction tbh
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Just finished tower of dawn😭😭😭
And the Fireheart preview❤️🔥🖤💔
It’s time for Kingdom of Ash and wrecking my soul
I love these books… I need to know… I never want them to end… why is tower of dawn so underrated… I’m gonna go cry now… okay… wow.
#just finished#Tower of Dawn#next up#Kingdom of Ash#no spoilers please#currently reading#first read#Throne of Glass series#Fireheart#The Prince#The Princess#let’s end with the king and queen#why is ToD so underrated#spoilers for tod in following tags#IT WAS DUVA#THEY ARE THE TETHER#THEY GOT MARRIED#HE KNEW THE HANDWRITING#THEIR IS HOPE#FIREHEART OH MY SOUL#THERE ONCE WAS A PRINCESS WHO LOVED HER KINGDOM VERY MUCH#I AM A FANGIRL AND I WILL NOT BE AFRAID ONLY I AM ALL CAPS DEF AFRAID#SJM#Maasverse#TOG#ToD#KoA#gonna try to do some updates#but I am shooketh#all the feels
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Writing Star Trek FanFiction is such a struggle because why exactly am I not a theoretical physicist? It would make my life so much easier if I was
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shoutout to my weighted blanket keeping me sane at times like this
#i have to go to church in ten minutes and i am dreading it#not just seeing him but interacting w people#i am at the end of my tether#God help me
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Hey anyone who speaks mandarin Chinese fluently, can you please translate something for me pretty please
#i emailed the college very nicely and i was like hey your international relations page is down#and they sent me back a automatic email written by an intern and it sent me to two pages of just reams of chinese#im trying to use pleco and translate it but i am so lost#i cant pay you but like im at the end of my tether lololol#please someone take pity on me
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trying to look at potential masters degrees for after i graduate and my father keeps asking me “why not do one in ireland so you can live at home”. how do i politely explain to him that if i have to live at home again for an entire year i would go crazy
#i’ve been at home for three weeks since christmas and i’m quickly reaching the end of my tether#i currently have a fucked up ear a fucked up hand a massive headache and i’m exhausted#so i didn’t set an alarm this morning#and apparently i’m SO disrespectful for sleeping in until half 11#but. this is my house too and i am an adult with my own life if i want to sleep in i don’t think it’s the end of the world#oh also he lied to me lol. asked last night if we’d all go for a jog today (yeah we do family jogs shut up)#and he said yeah in the afternoon#reader they left at 11:45#but what really grinds my gears is that i’m accused of not helping around the house enough#(even though christmas would literally not have happened without me)#all while my (ALSO AN ADULT) brother sits playing video games all day and nothing is ever said to him#… also my head still really fucking hurts
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There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING like arriving at an airport having spent the last twelve and a half hours travelling (for a journey that should have taken four max) and realise it’s too late to take public transport home so you need to take a taxi only to spent the next 43 minutes (and counting) standing in line for said taxi with a heavy heavy backpack and legs that are all tired and bruised from the whole mosquito bite allergy thing and also the falling over on a mountain thing
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do y'all have any fucking idea how much damage we could do to the ruling class if we'd all stop tearing each other apart for five fucking minutes
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