#bc her actual milk from march is still in the door

[helianskies]

started to make a cup of tea and then realised my milk has fucking v a n i s h e d

[change-the-world-someday]

I'll Be Here

Oh boy I'm back baby. Here's a Derek Shepherd x Teen!reader bc I just started Grey's Anatomy. I'm well aware I've had stuff in my inbox for over a year, and frankly I'll get round to them soon. I hope this tides you over.

Derek Shepherd x Teen!Reader

Summary: Who'd have thought the child of Derek Shepherd would suffer with something even he can't cure?

A/N: I've been twitching a lot lately so this was a comfort write. Derek and Meredith don't have a relationship, and there's a bit of canon divergence.

⚠️TW⚠️ Talk and descriptions of twitching/tics

—•—

You knew the moment you woke up you were going to have a bad day.

Your alarm went off at the bright and early nine and as you made a move to turn it off, your arm twitched, almost pushing it off your nightstand. You let out a sigh, leaning down and managing to shut it off and sit up.

Until you neck starts to snap left and right, tensing and relaxing each muscle.

“Fuck’s sake,” you mutter under your breath, standing and stretching, well, as much as you can before your twitches start up again. You makes your way downstairs, finding an empty kitchen and a note on the counter. You manage to pick it up and read it.

Sorry, I got called in today. Let me know when you’re up

— Dad

You shake your head, whistling and shaking your hands. Great, so you're alone on a day where your twitches are worse than normal. You sigh and head back upstairs, almost losing balance on the stairs, and takes a quick shower before trying to style your hair. With difficulty, you get changed before reaching over and grabbing your phone. You grip it tightly, until it’s flung across the room.

“Shit,” you mumble, reaching down and picking it up. You open your messages, trying to text your dad.

Y/N

Hi, up. Bad today

It’s short, and to the untrained eye, might seem pretty rude, but to you and your dad, is a warning. Heading back to the kitchen, you try to eat a bowl of cereal. Instead, you managed to spill the cereal twice, drop milk on the floor, and then poke yourself in the side of the face a few times with your spoon instead of eating.

Your phone buzzes.

Dad

Do you need me at

home?

Y/N

No. Just bad

Dad

Do you want to come

to the hospital? You

can stay in one of the

offices if you want

You think about it for a moment, though you don’t get too long before your phone starts ringing. You pick up.

“Hi—” you whistle “—hi Dad.”

You hear him sigh. “Hey kid. Do you want to come in today? I can make sure no one stops you and you can come straight to the office.”

You click, your neck jerking forward. “You sure? I’ve—“ you whistle “—never been there before. I don’t want—“ you click “—to become a case study.”

Your dad laughs lightly down the phone. “I won’t let them. Just make your way over, and keep your earphones in. Music helps.”

You nod, before your neck twitches to the side and cracks, making your dad wince audibly. “Okay. I’ll let you know—“ you whistle and sigh, clearly getting frustrated with yourself.

“I get it. Don’t work yourself up; it’ll only make it worse. See you soon. Love you.”

A ghost of a smile passes across your face. “Love you too, Dad.”

—•—

Derek hangs up and leaves the store cupboard, almost bumping into Dr Bailey as she marches past.

“Watch where you’re going, McDreamy,” she scolds and Derek smiles, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Bailey narrows her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Y'N's coming here. They're having a bad day,” he replies and Bailey nods, immediately catching on. “No one else knows.”

Surprisingly enough, you haven’t met anyone from Derek’s work, except for Bailey and even then, that was an accident. You'd bumped into her on a bad day and Derek had to explain what was wrong. Ever since, Bailey’s had a soft spot for you.

“Not even the chief?” She asks and Derek shakes his head. “Did you warn them?” He nods. “Well, there’s not much else you can do.”

“They're texting me when they’re a few minutes away. If I get caught in surgery, can you meet them at the doors please?”

The two stop in the corridor, Bailey pulling him over. “I have my own schedule too, Shepherd.”

Derek nods. “I know, but you’re the only other person here they know, and you know how they can get in places they don’t know…”

Bailey looks around. “If you’re caught up, you owe me one.”

Derek smiles and nods, a look of relief on his face. “Thank you.”

—•—

You're walking down the street to the hospital, constantly readjusting your earphones so they don’t fall out. Your neck keeps snapping to the side and jerking forward, earning a few odd looks from strangers. You sigh, a few minutes away from the hospital, and pull out your phone. Before you can do anything, though, you promptly throw your phone on the pavement.

Thank god your dad bought you one of those industrial phone cases. You pick it up, dodging people as you go to call your dad. He picks up after two rings.

“Hi, I’m—“ you click “—a minute away.”

“Okay. I don’t think I’m going to be able to meet you at the doors. Just walk through, take the stairs to the fifth floor, and come down the hall. I’ll be in the break room, second door on the left.”

Your eyes widen; you're going to be by yourself? Walking through a hospital? Where no one knows you?

“O-Okay,” you stammer out and your dad sighs.

“I’m sorry kid. Everything’s going to be okay. I’ll see you in a bit.”

He hangs up and you take a breath, nodding to yourself. You pocket your phone and turn your music up as loud as it can be. Your dad was right, it does ease your twitching, though not as much as you'd like.

Fall Out Boy blasts through your earphones as you walk through the doors of Seattle Grace. You refuse to make eye contact with anyone, your neck twitch making it a lot easier to achieve. You click as you make your way to the stairwell, making your way up.

You don’t hear the calls of concerns from the interns following you, trying to catch up to you.

By the time you reach the fifth floor, the two interns have gone to find Dr Bailey to try and assist them, and Dr Shepherd who can help with the disorder being presented. They haven’t had someone who needs medical attention blatantly ignore them and go to a certain department before.

You lose your balance a little as you walk through the doors to the fifth floor, your neck jerking left and right repeatedly, muscles tensing and relaxing. Your hands are shaking and you walk like a new fawn.

You reach the door and push it open, whistling and clicking as you do so. At least you can see your dad today.

—•—

Derek knows immediately what kind of day is happening when you steps into the room. You're a jerking mess, neck and shoulders tensing and relaxing as though given electric shocks. You're whistling, clicking, and your eyes have recently started screwing shut, temporarily blinding you.

And that’s with your headphones in.

“Hey Y/N,” he greets, gently taking one earbud out of your ear and leading you to the seats. At least if you're sat, you have less of a chance of hurting yourself.

“Hi Dad,” you reply until a whistle comes back out. “S-Sorry.”

“Hey,” Derek places a firm but kind hand on your shoulder, “don’t apologise. None of this is your fault.” There’s a silence between you two, only broken by the sound coming from the removed earphone. “Fall Out Boy? Nice choice.”

Your neck snaps but you give a small smile. “Thanks.”

“Do you want something to eat? Did you manage to get some breakfast?” You sigh, your hands twitching and trembling, which tells Derek everything he needs to know. “Is it a bomb-site there?”

You shake your head. “I managed—“ you whistle “—to clean up. Took ages.” Your neck jerks forward. Derek sighs, putting an arm around you and pulling you into his side. You've always been wary; you never want to hurt your dad accidentally but Derek doesn’t care. You're his kid, and nothing will change that.

“You’re okay. Do you want some lunch? We can go to the cafeteria—they’ve got some pizza in there that’s actually pretty good.”

You nod, knowing anything you try to say will be interrupted by one of your twitches. You walk alongside Derek, trying your hardest to suppress your twitching as you make your way through the hospital and into to lift, where a few others are going to different floors. Derek notices, and leans into your ear. “You don’t have to hide it here, kid. Promise.”

There’s an audible sigh of relief from you as you let out a scatter of twitches, your neck jerking forward as you whistle and click. Your hands shake and flap and you let it all go. A few of the doctors and nurses turn around to look at you, but one harsh glare from Dr Shepherd makes them all go back to minding their own business.

You exit the lift and walk through the corridors to the cafeteria. You join the queue and you feel Derek keep an arm around you, trying to help you ease your twitches. You're grateful, though you both know there isn’t much either of you can do to stop them. You sigh, putting your earphones back in and blasting some music, this time Hozier.

Derek watches you struggle, sympathy panging through his heart. He hates that you've been cursed with this, and the worst part is they can’t find anything that’s causing it. It’s not like there’s a tumour or growth on your brain Dr Shepherd can operate on, you're just stuck with it.

“Dr Shepherd, good afternoon. Who’s this?” Lindsey, the server behind the food counter, greets. Derek smiles.

“Afternoon Lindsey. This is my kid, Y/N. They're joining me at the hospital today,” he explains, gently tapping you on the shoulder and causing you to take an earphone out. “Y/N, this is Lindsey.”

“Hi,” you greet, before your neck jerks forward yet again, cracking. The two adults give a wince and Lindsey gives you a small smile.

“What would you like, hun?” She asks. You look over, or does so as best you can. You can barely stay still long enough to read the menu. “We have a standard pizza or pepperoni pizza today. We also have some ham, chicken, or cheese sandwiches and salads. Or a few pastries we can heat up if you’d prefer.”

You give her a grateful smile. “Can I—“ you whistle “—have pepperoni please? And a—“ you click “—bottle of water?”

“Sure thing, and you Dr Shepherd?”

You put your earphones back in, trying your hardest to stop twitching. The problem is, the more you try to stop it, the worse it gets. It takes a few minutes for you to get your food, and when you do, Derek carries both trays to a table and sets them down. He takes a seat opposite you, giving a small smile.

“Thanks Dad,” you thank, pulling one earphone out so you can hear the conversation. You pick up the plastic fork and spear a few chips, but before you can eat them, your hand twitches and you throw it on the floor. You sigh but before either you or your dad can make a move to pick it up, someone else does it for you.

“You better be more careful. I don’t want fries on my shoes.” You recognise that voice anywhere, and smile as you look up at Dr Bailey. You let out a small laugh.

“Hi Dr Bailey,” you greet, whistling as your head snaps to the side and back. She smiles at you.

“Heard you were coming and through I’d say hello.”

—•—

“Guys, shut up,” Cristina hisses. “Do you see?”

“See what?” George asks as they quieten down. She nods her head and the table of interns turn around to catch sight of what’s going on. Dr Bailey is talking Dr Shepherd… and you sat with them. You're not dressed in any kind of hospital gown, nor are you wearing scrubs, so who are you? And how are you making Dr Bailey smile?

Meredith watches, catching sigh of your hair, and her eyes widen. She reaches over, slapping George on the arm.

“What?” He asks.

“It’s them,” she replies, “the person from earlier. Y’know, the one who didn’t check in at reception and took the stairs. The one who ignored us!”

George’s eyes widen too, and the two get up and start to walk over, ignoring the protests of Cristina and Izzie as they reach the table. You're struggling to get a sentence out, whistling and clicking as you try to tell Dr Shepherd about something.

“Dr Shepherd!” Meredith calls out, making the conversation halt between you. “Are you with a patient?”

She misses how you cringe. Dr Shepherd frowns, which only deepens more at the crack in your neck as it jerks forward. “Dr Grey, Dr O’Malley, how can I help?”

“W-We saw, erm, this kid walk straight through and up to neurology without checking in. Do you want us to check them in and get a better examination? We were going to come to you for a consult when we saw them anyway, but since you already seem to know them…” George trails off and Dr Shepherd looks between you, the interns, and Dr Bailey.

An awkward silence falls between you, only disturbed by the occasional whistle or click from you. “I can get a wheelchair if it’s easier.”

“No need,” Dr Shepherd cuts in. “They aren’t a patient, their name’s Y/N. They're my kid and they're accompanying me to work today.” The two interns look at each other, mortified. “Now, if you excuse us, we were just having lunch.”

Your hand flexes again, making you throw your fork on the floor (the second one in the space of fifteen minutes) and sigh. You go to pick it up, only for George to beat you to it. “Here.”

“Than—“ you click as your head jerks forward “Thank you.”

“Don’t you two have places to be?” Bailey asks, less than impressed with her two interns in front of her. They both nod and scurry off, back to their table to tell Cristina and Izzie about Dr McDreamy’s kid.

—•—

“I don’t know how they cope with it,” George muses as the group of four interns sit on some beds in the back corridor, waiting to be paged for something.

“Yeah, twitching all the time. God, I’d kill myself if I had them,” Izzie continues. “Would ruin my chances at both medicine and modelling. And a lot of other things, probably.”

“Do you think they wanted to go into medicine? Y’know, before they started twitching? Or have they always had it?” Cristina asks. “Or do they have a tumour?”

“For your information,” a voice cuts in, making all four jump and turn to the source, meeting the likes of Dr Shepherd, “Y/N wants to be a lawyer.” He walks down the corridor to them, everyone’s cheeks turning red a the prospect of being caught gossiping. “The tics developed about eighteen months ago, just before we moved to Seattle. It’s not a tumour, or any kind of swelling; in fact, we have no clue what set it off.”

“Have you done an MRI? CT?” Meredith suggests and Derek nods.

“We ran everything. It all came back clean.” He looks at Cristina. “They did want to be a doctor. When we realised we couldn’t cure them, they were upset for weeks. They—“

“Talking about me?” A voice calls down the corridor and Derek’s face splits into a smile, something that doesn’t go amiss by the others. You whistle, making it to the group and taking a seat next to your dad. You lean on him… until your neck twitches and you almost fall back. Derek’s hand shoots out, supporting you.

“We were just—“ Izzie tries to say before you cut her off, clicking in the process.

“Let me guess.” You whistle. “The doctor que—“ you click “—question and how I live with—“ your neck jerks to the side “—it.”

Your dad gives you a smile. “Ten out of ten for you,” he smiles. You nod.

“Well, I used to want to—“ you click “—be a doctor, until we found out this is incurable.” You whistle. “Pretty soul-crushing.” Your neck jerks back, and if it wasn’t for your dad’s hand, you would’ve hit the wall. “And we’ve learned to adapt to it. There are—“ you click “—days where I’m fine, with only a few, and days—“ you whistle and everyone can feel the frustration radiating off you. Still, no one chooses to finish your sentence, letting you get it out yourself “—like this.”

—•—

For a while, the six make general conversation, until, slowly but surely, you start to drift off. It isn’t until there’s an odd silence that Derek notices, and he has a smile on his face as he looks down at you, asleep on his shoulder.

“They look so… peaceful,” Izzie comments quietly, the others agreeing.

“Yeah. We’ve had a few rough days this week. God knows they need the rest,” Derek mutters. He shifts to look between the four. “Any of you wake them, I’ll make sure you’re banned from the OR for a month.”

Everyone’s eyes widen as they nod in unison; they’re all begging for a chance at more surgery. Carefully, Derek manoeuvres you so your head’s lying in his lap, body stretched out on the hospital bed. He carefully cards his fingers through your hair, detangling it as gently as he can.

The interns’ pagers go off, assigning them jobs and the four rush off, leaving Derek and you to rest. He smiles, getting himself comfortable sitting on the end of the bed, back against the wall.

“Get some rest, buddy. I’ll always be here for you.”

—•—

Hope y'all enjoyed. I know it's pretty different from what I usually write, but this is for my own comfort so...

Sorry not sorry

Taglist

@breadsticks2004 @criminalsmarts @rororo06@ogmilkis@ssebstann@herecomesthewriterwitch @garcias-batcave @spidey-reids-2003 @lovelylaurens@sataninsatin@snarky--starky @mcntsee @averyhotchner @dindjarinsspouse @lovers-in-japan-reign-of-love

[shurisneakers]

if you're taking ideas for harmless drabbles, i'd love to see one of bucky on one of those dates he mentioned and reader's shenanigans. if you aren't, feel free to ignore this!

a/n: are we really going to let a word limit define what a drabble is? is the vibe and spirit not enough? i say this bc this is 5.7k words long im so sorry. also hey thank you to everyone who piped in with their knowledge of violent geese and how apartment security works in new york!! also thanks to my bby @spiderrpcrker for reading this and telling me to publish this bc i wasnt going to fkjghfkj

warning: swearing, bad luck, dates, frustrated bucky, anxiety, mentions of gore but like only a sentence

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Catch up with the rest of the series here: Harmless Masterlist

Bucky returns only two weeks later. His mission lasted longer than expected and all he wants is to lie down and sleep for forty eight hours straight.

“FRIDAY?” he mumbles, kicking off his shoes. His jacket had already been discarded by his bedroom door when he walked in.

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?”

“How are ya?” He doesn’t miss a beat in asking, even though he’s exhausted.

“As good as ever. Did you have a successful mission?”

“If by successful you mean one sprained limb instead of two, then yeah.” He wasn’t really cribbing. His ankle was already starting to heal anyway and it was worth the roundhouse kick to a Nazi's face. “Do I have anything scheduled for this weekend?”

“You have a meeting on your calendar scheduled for this Saturday.”

“Could you send a text to Y/N and ask if we can push it to the next day?” His muscles feel sore and God, he could definitely use a hot shower but all of that becomes secondary the minute he feels the sheets under him.

“Would you like me to reschedule the other one as well?”

“What’s that?” He opens one eye in confusion. “There’s another one?”

“It’s on Sunday. You’ve labelled it ‘date’.”

Ah, fuck.

“Would you like me to change it?” FRIDAY never sounds like she’s judging him, which is nice. It also reminds him about how she, as an AI, can’t judge him, which is a rude wake-up call to how he doesn’t have friends.

“No,” his voice is muffled against the pillow, “no, let it be. Where is it again?”

“You’ve only specified diner, Sergeant Barnes.”

Public space, daytime, plenty of escape routes. Good on his less delirious self for selecting a diner.

“Thanks, FRIDAY.” Now that he’s a little more relaxed, he can feel himself slip in and out of consciousness.

“One last thing," her automated voice commands his attention again. "Y/N replied. She says sure and to take care.”

“Yay.” Not even a second later he’s out like a light.

____

“Did you bring me any souvenirs?” Is the first thing he hears as he marches into your lair.

“What could I possibly get you?”

“A postcard, a t-shirt.” You don’t look up from your tinkering.

“Decapitated finger, used bullets,” he continues, “cement blocks.”

“Ew.” You snap the lid shut on the thing you’re working on, spinning around on your chair. "That's not nearly romantic enough."

“That’s all you’re going to get from a Russian underground bunker.” He does a mini jog up the stairs of the platform to where you are.

“Does the finger have a ring at lea- oh hello?” You raise an eyebrow at the sight of him. “You look different.”

He peers down. The outfit was still all black. As always.

“Not your clothes, dummy,” you interrupt, making him look back at you. “Your face. What’d you do?”

He unconsciously raises a hand to his cheek.

“Did you wash your face? Is that it?” you squint at him. “Has it been a few months since the last time?”

“Wow, you’re so funny,” he drawls sarcastically.  “Top tier comedian right there.”

“No wait, it’s the beard.” You snap your fingers in realisation, completely ignoring his comment. “You trimmed it.”

“So what if I did?” He leans on your table.

“You going somewhere?” you ask, elastic snapping against your hands as you remove your gloves.

“It’s none of your busi-”

“Hold on a second.” A sly smile begins to make its way onto your face. “Are you going on a date, Bucky Barnes?”

His comeback dies down in his throat. That didn’t take you very long for you to figure out.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” You look smug, to say the least.

“Shut up.” A ray of light glistening distracts him. He traces it to the thing you were working on earlier.

“Where are you guys going?” You cross your arm across your chest, a small smirk on your face.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” It’s a silver box, engraved intricately with swirls that, when he observes carefully, looks like a skull. Wow, terrifying.

“I’m literally asking you.”

“What are those?” He shifts the conversation towards a more productive angle instead.

“Evil in a box and some other stuff.” You shrug offhandedly. “Is it a lunch date or just coffee?”

“Like Pandora’s Box?”

“A discount version, sure,” you confirmed impatiently. “Stop changing the topic, listen to me.”

He tilts his head, waiting for you to continue.

“Do you need a chaperone?” The sincerity in your voice for such a bullshit question has him scoffing.

“Good God- no, I do not need a chaperone. I’m 106 years old, I can go out unsupervised.” He reaches over and plucks the box off your table.

“Sir, you’re a geriatric."

“What are those?” He points to a few ray odd ray guns.

“Minor stuff you don’t have to worry about right now.”

He shakes the box in his hand. “What’s gonna happen if I open this?”

“Very bad things,” you whispered ominously before your volume returns to normal. “How’d you meet this person? Online?”

“She’s Natasha’s friend.” He turns the box over, seeing a small latch at the side. “What bad things?”

“Bad luck and misery. Don’t play with it, it’s dangerous.” You pull the box away from him. “Aw, is it a blind date?”

“Why do you care so much?” he shoots back, tugging the box back towards him.

“Just lookin’ out for you, Bucko,” you huff, adjusting your grip on your device. “Need to keep my favourite senior citizen safe.”

“I have a vibranium arm.” Whose force he could use to grab the box once and for all, but wasn’t. “I think I’ll be fine.”

“What if she has one too, huh? Then what?”

“She doesn’t.” As far as he knows, he’s the only one alive with a metal appendage made out of the strongest metal in the world. That could very well change by tomorrow but he's keeping the title for now.

“But what if she does? I swear to- stop trying to take the box!” You pull a little more forcefully, but he doesn’t relent.

“I want this to get over before this evening.”

“What time’s your date?”

“Why do you care?” He’s sure anyone who saw the dumb tug-of-war you both were playing would just automatically assume he was an absolute manchild, not an Avenger.

“Because.” You don’t explain further. “Tell me what time your date is, you weirdo.”

“Five o’clock, now let go.”

“Fine,” you say, suddenly loosening your grip. Clearly, it doesn't make much of a difference since he isn't struggling to keep his balance from the sudden loss of force.

“Fine.” He clears his throat, straightening up. 

You don’t say anything. He doesn’t either.

A putrid smell creeps into his nose, one all too similar to spoiled milk and decaying seaweed. He has to physically stop himself from gagging.

“Have a good day.” You smile and lean far back. Too far. It looks like you're almost going to fall out of the chair.

Through the tears that are threatening to line his eyelids, he looks down at the box whose latch you somehow managed to lift, leaving the box open.

“What the fuck is this?” He coughs, swatting at the air in front of him to clear it.

“I told you; bad luck in a box.”

“You can’t scientifically create bad luck, that’s bullshit.” He tosses the box back onto your table. You watch it slide past you, not making any effort to stop it. “What is it really?”

“I’m not lying.” You pull open a drawer, brandishing a small table fan that you set down beside you. “If you open it, you’re going to have terrible luck for the day.”

He glowers at you when you turn the fan on, forcing the fumes back towards him.

“Besides, that’s all I was doing today.” You kick your feet up. “So you can leave now.”

He doesn’t care if you’re lying about not having anything else to do today. You could burn down the world if you wanted to but he needs to take a stupid shower. Again.

“You’re the fuckin’ worst.” He tries airing out his shirt, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible.

“Have fun on your date, sarge!” you encourage him as he stalks out of the lair. “Remember to wrap it befo-”

He turns it into a sprint before you can finish.

____

Six hours later and he’s absolutely convinced he fucked up.

He isn’t used to having his weekends free.

He realises that this is the first time in months that he’s actually stepped out of the Tower for something that wasn’t directly mission-related. He should probably get some air. Touch some grass. See the sun.

His shirt thankfully manages to rid itself of the odour from the dumb box so he didn’t have to go take a shower. With nothing much planned and a few hours to spare, he heads to the coffee shop instead.

It’s a small place, bustling and alive with a crowd of people. They have a little bookshelf that usually is full of books donated by patrons, free for anyone to read.

The barista smiles at him. The coffee costs more than his high school education. He awkwardly smiles back.

He’s not a regular, but they’ve seen him enough times to know that he usually asks for black coffee in a to-go cup, later adding a sugar or two according to his own taste. They're nice to him, occasionally throwing in a cookie or something on the house. He can't tell if it's because of the Avenger status or the sizeable tip he leaves.

He picks up a random book from the shelf, fully intending not to read it but to just sit there and think. The book acted as a shield for his resting bitch face, resting murder face and his resting rage face. More often than not, a good combination of the three.

He sets the coffee down at the corner table he manages to nab in a quick second, along with the two sachets of sugar.

“Is this seat taken?” Someone asks from beside him. He earnestly shakes his head in a ‘no’, gesturing for them to take it.

They give him a quick thanks and drag the chair away from his table.

He does a quick overlook of the book he picked up.

The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot.

Well, now he’s too anxious to put it back. YA fiction it is.

He reaches for the sugar while glossing over the summary. He reaches a little further when it doesn’t come to his hand immediately, blindly running his fingers across the table.

Bucky peeks over the book, eyebrows knitting together when he notices that they’re missing.

He was sure he picked it up.

He looks underneath the table. It wasn’t there, neither under his seat. Strange, but okay. He picks up the book and the cup, walking back to the station to grab two sugars.

This time he makes sure to tuck it into his pocket, double-checking before going back to his table.

Which was now occupied. He wanted to groan.

His mind automatically reverts back to the box from that morning.

“Come on,” he scoffs quietly to himself. It was a coincidence. “Get yourself together.”

“A seat at the counter just cleared up,” the barista from earlier offers when she sees him standing in the middle of the store.

See? Good luck.

He shoots her a grateful look, venturing over to the barstool to take his place. It’s not the most comfortable, but then again, he wasn’t planning to stay there for very long.

He empties the sugar into the coffee, stirring slowly before opening a random page in the book.

He takes a long sip, ignoring how hot the drink was.

He chokes immediately. Because either he was losing his mind or his order had somehow got switched from ‘no sugar’ to ‘diabetes in a cup’.

He takes another small sip and his face immediately twists in disgust. Definitely too sweet. The sweetener he added only made it worse.

He catches the eye of the barista. She looks on in concern.

“Is everything okay?”

Fuck.

He’s not one to make a scene. He just wants to live as imperceptibly as he could.

“Yep.” The sweetness sticks to the back of his throat. “All good.”

He just closes his eyes and downs the rest of it without thinking twice, trying to hide the grimace in his face. He gives her a weak thumbs up. She doesn't look convinced.

He leaves the shop soon after, hands shoved in his pocket. Maybe he could go sit by the lake at Central Park, watch the clouds. It reminded Bucky of the lake in front of his hut in Wakanda and the hours he'd sit in front of it, feet dipped into the water as his goats fed. He misses it.

He makes a sharp turn at a corner, still thinking about his options when his ankle abruptly twists under him.

He stumbles rather ungracefully, almost hitting the ground, but manages to save himself through the newly built up immunity he has towards falling thanks to all his encounters with you.

His gaze lands on his hardcore combat boots. Their laces had come undone.

Now he just knew that was horseshit. He always double knots them; they had never loosened in the past before.

The box.

He shoves the thought out of his head, crouching down to tie them again. He tugs on them to make sure they’re secure before standing up again.

Central Park is a few blocks away but he’s glad he didn’t bring his bike. The weather was rather nice and the wind in his hair felt good.

He wanders around the park for a while, looking for the lake. He pauses at a board with a map of the park on it, assessing how far it was.

Once he's ascertained which path to go towards, he turns on his heel to go.

He fucking trips again.

“Are you serious?” he says furiously under his breath. “Cut it out.”

He’s half-convinced that he should tie it around his ankle like a sexy lace-up set of heels. He ties a triple knot this time, glares at it until he’s sure it’s fine and checks to see if anyone saw him humiliate himself.

Only a person on a nearby bench who looked like they were passed out drunk, given that their hoodie and sunglasses clad self was slumped over.

No witnesses. No 'You won't BELIEVE what the Winter Soldier did! Critics say it's his biggest blunder yet!' articles the next day on social media.

He manages to make it to the lake in one piece and no more falls, partly because he keeps his eyes fixed on his shoes to ensure no fuckery occurs.

There are a few people rowing and plenty of others lining the bank at scattered locations. There’s a mom and her kid at the place he ends up. She sends him a small smile in greeting and he returns the favour.

There’s a secluded bench that he takes a place on, letting out a small sigh. If he ignores the traffic and the skateboarders and the people in general, it’s actually kind of peaceful.

There are geese and their little goslings swimming around the water close to the shore. Maybe he should have brought some birdseed. Or kale.

The kid beside him is busy fashioning something out of leaves, only occasionally erupting into giggles when it doesn't pan out. His mom watches him fondly, pointing at twigs he could use. Everything seems kind of picture-perfect and his body automatically relaxes, easing further into the seat and closing his eyes for a second.

Until there's a large splash and loud distressed honking. He whips his head around to find the same kid staring straight ahead at the goose with a wide grin. His mother curses quietly, picking herself up off the ground and grabbing his hand, half chastising him for throwing something at an animal and half urging him to walk faster.

The goose turns to Bucky. With no one else to blame for the sudden attack, it logically launches itself at him. His smile drops.

He gets up in a rush. The dumb bird nearly comes for his head, but he deflects with his metal arm.

“I didn’t even do anything.” He swats at it swiftly, trying not to cause any real damage. The goose, understandably, does not speak English.

He flinches when one of them bites at his knee. He can punt it to the sun but he doesn’t want to.

“Stop that.” He sticks his hand out to shove the stupid thing away, retreating back to the road. “Jesus, why are you so aggressive?”

Among the barrage of feathers showering on him, he prays his damn shoelace doesn’t unravel as he shields his head with one arm, the other fending himself while he moves hurriedly away.

The goose honks angrily at him. He scowls at it, not exactly pleased with the reminder that these fucking overgrown ducks were constantly bloodthirsty.

It doesn’t leave him alone till he’s significantly away from where he was sitting. He wants to call it profanity but that’d probably piss it off more.

The box and its effects were definitely starting to feel real.

Fuck it, no more day out for him. The best plan he can think of is to just go to the diner he’s supposed to meet his date at.

The waiter greets him with a courteous nod, which Bucky can only imagine was the best he could muster when a dishevelled 200-pound man walks in covered in goose feathers and irritation.

He won't admit that he’s too scared to eat lunch at this point because he can’t rule out food poisoning. He spends the next two hours on his phone playing Fruit Ninja and plucking feathers that accented his all-black outfit.

Several glasses of water later and a second before he’s about to beat his high score, someone taps on his shoulder, breaking him out of his concentration.

Motherfu-

He clenches his eye shut, inhaling deeply before turning around.

“James?”

“Hey, yeah, that’s me.” Bucky almost falls over the table with how fast he stands up, clearly underestimating his size. “Leah?”

“Hi.” She smiles and he finds himself smiling nervously along with her.

“Hi.” He steps out to pull out her chair for her and she laughs. "Nice to meet you."

“How long have you been waiting here?” she asks while setting down her bag.

“Around ten minutes.” He clears his throat to hopefully hide the fact that he was lying through his teeth.

“Just give me a second, I need to tell my friend I reached,” Leah pulls out her phone and he nods.

“Another glass of water for you?” The waiter seems less enthusiastic about Bucky’s 8th refill.

“Yes,” he answers, hoping he doesn’t call him out on it, “please.”

“You must be really dehydrated."

Bucky turns to look at him slowly. “I like the taste.”

He can’t really blame the guy. Bucky’s been there for hours without ordering anything solid, just leaching off their free water and complimentary bread basket.

“So, James.” She tosses her phone back into her bag, leaning forward on her palms easily. “Tell me about yourself.”

He had rehearsed this a million times. He could do this.

“I, uh,-”

“Menu?” Okay, so someone clearly had a vendetta against him.

“Thank you.” She takes it with a smile.

His morning debacle with the coffee flashes through his mind. Suddenly the idea of a diner didn’t seem so smart.

However, she’s already placed her order and George is standing beside him expectantly, daring him to ask for another glass of water, so he places his usual order and hopes that your stupid bad luck thing wore off.

He quickly learns that his date is laid back, and it isn’t hard to fall into a rhythm with her even though she’s the one asking most of the questions.

“How’d you meet Nat?” Is his attempt at one.

“She used to come in for lunch every week at the place I work.” Leah leans back in her chair. “She can really handle her alcohol.”

He’d be worried about Nat day drinking if he didn’t know about her complete inability to get drunk. She might as well have been downing glasses of lemonade.

“Yeah, she’s-” Intimidating, scary, cool “-really something.”

“She mentioned that you like movies.”  He definitely spends a lot of time watching them. “You got any recommendations?”

It’s easier to figure out how different things are or how much he missed out over the years through them. He’s glad he sat out the early 2000s, judging by their fashion sense and hairstyles.

He's watched several movies over the past few months, a few of them critically acclaimed and others who were just there for the cult following.

But now everything goes blank and the only thing that he can remember are the biopics made about Steve that were somehow hilarious for gifting him the mental image of Freddie Prinze Jr. dressed in the stars and stripes, and highly distressing for the number of historical inaccuracies. Contrary to popular belief, Stevie did not, in fact, consider running for president after he took up the shield, nor did he start his own bar chain.

He can’t name Oh Captain, My Captain starring Channing Tatum as his favourite movie on his first date and hope to make a good first impression.

“Despicable Me was kinda fun.” He wants to kill himself. “I mean, it’s the last one I saw.”

Her face twists in mild disgust, but he can tell it isn't ill-intentioned. “It's a good movie, but God, that just gave me some intense flashbacks to my aunt’s Facebook page. Don’t think I can look at a minion ever again.”

He sniggers with her. He doesn’t know what the context is.

He’s a little awkward, and he can definitely tell he isn’t the most open book but she laughs at some of his attempts at jokes. There’s a distinct discomfort he has lingering at the back of his mind prodding at him, telling him over and over again that he isn’t ready for something like this. A warning bell, asking him to leave as soon as possible because he was in a dangerous situation.

He remembers what his therapist told him about breathing and remembering that the resources he had available were greater than his anxiety and he tries to get out of his head. It takes a few minutes of acting like he's fine but he manages to do it.

Other than the one time he scalds his tongue on the coffee but played it off with a pained smile, shoving down thoughts of your stupid invention, things actually went okay.

It was nice, even though they decided by the end that it was better if they both gelled together better as friends. It lifts the strange fear he feels and he can hear Dr. Mendoza say she's proud of him for taking this step before spending three hours psychoanalysing why they decided to stay platonic.

Bucky promises to visit her sushi shop with Nat soon and she says a bottle of sake awaits him for a drinking game. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her that Nat and he share the same tolerance for alcohol.

He makes sure to leave George a tip. A big one. It’s the first time he sees the guy smile the entire evening.

He’s waving goodbye to Leah outside and he thinks that maybe it was a good end to the day and that things actually turned out fine.

Until he turns around to leave, only to have someone walk straight into him with an iced tea.

The cold comes as a bit of a shock, making him jump slightly. He stares at his shirt, using his fingertips to pull it away from his body.

The person melts into a series of apologies immediately, offering to dry clean his shirt but Bucky just forces a shake of his head and says it’s okay even though he can feel the sugar making the shirt stick to his chest. Goose feathers and iced tea. Was there anything else that would like to attach itself to him?

His fists clench and his teeth grit and he has to physically control himself from sprinting to your lair because God knows what else is in store for him and he didn't want to add in any way.

The door to the lair is locked. Fuckin’ brilliant.

When no one answers after minutes worth of waiting, he fishes for his phone and realises that maybe two hours of Fruit Ninja was not the best idea, especially on a phone known for having shitty battery life.

There’s roughly 2 percent left. By the time he opens his app to give you a call, his phone screen goes black.

He groans. He’s desperate at this point and under any other normal circumstances, he would have never, ever considered doing this.

But ten minutes later he’s outside your apartment building. You’re aware that he has your address; no doubt that it was in the SHIELD file he had gotten, and he knows that you know but it was still weird.

The buzzer has your last name listed next to it. He’s sure that he’ll break it if he keeps pressing it at this rate but he really needs you to let him in.

“Who the fu-” your voice comes through the intercom.

“I’m sorry for showing up like this, my phone died and I couldn’t reach you,” He breathes out as soon as he hears you. “But I need you to fix this.”

When he doesn’t hear a reply, he wonders if the thing actually worked. He’s about to start pressing it again-

“Bucky?” You sound a little surprised to hear him. “You’re at my house. Why are you at my house?”

“I need you to fix whatever this is.”

“What are you- fine, I’m buzzing you in,” your voice, initially confused soon trails off into something more dismissive.

There’s a soft click from the door, allowing him to push it open. The elevator is already on the same floor as him so he just uses that.

The elevator goes up a floor or two. His feet tap restlessly against the carpeted floor.

The lights turn off and everything comes to a standstill. His foot stops tapping.

He should have known. He should have fucking known.

Thirty seconds pass. He’s still in pitch darkness with the elevator showing no signs of moving.

In fact, he’s resigned to his fate. He sits down on the ground, only one step away from completely laying down and hoping someone finds his body here someday.

It’s six minutes of plain silence. He might as well get comfortable if he’s going to get stuck here for the rest of his life. Did he change his will? Does he even have a will?

There’s finally a whir. He thinks that maybe he’s going to plummet to his doom as the perfect end to this day, but then the light switches on and it starts moving upward.

It stops at the floor with a ding. He doesn’t get off the ground, only eyes the door wearily. With his luck, it wouldn’t open.

But it does and within a second he’s on his feet, scrambling to get out before it changes its mind.

He remembers your door number, basically charging down the hall to get to it.

The door is white and the paint is starting to chip off it. The handle itself is dented in a few places and he wonders if it was your fault or someone else's.

His knocks are rapid, agitated even. He doesn’t stop until he hears your loud shouts telling him to cut it out.

“What the hell were you doing, trying to break down my door?” It swings open, revealing you in your pajamas. “Haven’t you done that already? And where were you, I’ve been waiting for like, ten minutes.”

He honestly feels bad for showing up uninvited and highly flustered. He can’t imagine it’s a pretty sight either. "This bad luck shit- fix it. My whole day’s been fucked up.”

“What are you-” Your eyebrows knit together in confusion, taking in his appearance.

It takes you a second to realise what he’s talking about but when you do, your face settles.

“How was your date?” You lean against the door frame, arms crossed over your chest.

“Really,” He glowered at you, “that’s what you care about?”

“Yes.” You nod. “Did you have fun?”

He hesitates. “I guess?”

“Was she nice?”

“Yeah.” Where was this going.

“Good, I’m happy for you.” The smile on your face is genuine. “Look at you go, Casanova.”

“We agreed to be just friends, but that’s not the point here. Y/N,” he whines. “I have a mission next week, I can’t afford to fuck up. My whole day was off and I don’t want it to carry over.”

“Your whole day?” you questioned, standing up instead of leaning against the wall. “Buck-”

“Just fix it.”

“Okay.” You lift your hand up, extending it towards his face.

He waits for you to do something.

You flick him on the forehead.

“There,” you declare, going back to your previous position. “you’re cured.”

What.

He says exactly what he’s thinking.

You laugh. “Dude. I was fucking with you.”

Huh?

“Well, actually maybe just like, three things and then I got bored.”

He’s confused.

“You know,” you begin when he doesn’t reply, “taking the sugar packets, switching your coffee order when you were looking under the table, took your place when you left, the shoelaces.”

“The shoelaces?”

“Yeah.” You nod. “That’s the other ray gun you saw this morning. Unties your shoelaces. I stopped after that because I thought you figured it out.”

His face scrunches in puzzlement.

“I mean, you looked right at me and told me to cut it out.”

He racks his brain about what you could possibly be talking about before it hits him. The hungover person on the goddamn bench in the park.

“You were the one in the hoodie and sunglasses.”

“I just followed the Avengers’ code of disguise.” You shrug. “Turns out it kinda works. Also teleportation. So helpful.”

He forgot about the teleportation. That's why you could do all of it so fast without him noticing you were even there.

“What about the fucking geese?”

You pause for a second. “The geese?”

“And the elevator.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” The confusion on your face is apparent. “What geese and elevator? I have no idea what you’re saying right now.”

“Everything’s been a mess today,” he grumbles. “I don’t know what’s real or not.”

“I swear I had nothing to do with it other than what I mentioned.” There’s indignation on your features that quickly gives way to delight. “Holy shit, did I just accidentally invent portable bad luck?”

“Okay-” his palm finds its way to his forehead in exasperation, “-then what the hell was the smell?”

“What smell- oh, the one from the box?”

He nods briskly.

“Secretions Magnifique.” You snorted. “It’s a perfume. The worst rated one I could find.”

“Perfume?”

“With notes of milk, seaweed and sandalwood.”

“It wasn’t an inator?”

“No, it wasn- did you get vibe checked by a goose at the park?” You stifle a laugh when you notice a stray feather on his thigh.

“What does that even mean?” he asks in despair.

“I can see why it attacked you. You got bad juju.” You raise an eyebrow. “Maybe if you stop staring so much-”

“So I just have shit luck.” Is that a fucking relief or even worse?

“Well,” you begin but decide not to continue.

Even with all the irritability masking it, you could see that he genuinely was just not having a good time.

“Wait here a second.”

You leave him at the door. He shifts his balance and sighs, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. He still had to walk back to the Tower. Maybe he could grab a slice of pizza along the way since he skipped lunch.

“Okay, here.” You return with a large glass of water. He only looks at it. “It’s just water, I promise. You look like you ran a marathon."

He takes it from you sceptically, pushing away the urge to sniff at it. It’s gone within a few gulps.

You wait until he’s finished to point at his arm. He draws his eyebrows together, but you only curl your index finger and beckon for him to give you his hand.

He reluctantly extends it towards you.

“Don’t laugh,” you warn him, taking his metal arm. “This usually helps me.”

You tie a small bracelet around his wrist. It has a few beads, which he realises represent the colours of the solar system.

“Keep that for good luck.” You pat it gently after securing it. “I think you just had a bad day; those don’t last very long. Do you want to charge your phone before you leave?”

“Uh-” The bracelet’s pretty, the colours shine against the dark vibranium. “-no, I’m good. I’ll just leave.”

“Okay. Anything else I can help you with or will you be fine?”

He narrows his eyes. “You’re being suspiciously nice.”

“I’m not evil all the time.” You huff. “My hours are in the morning.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he says again. “I’m gonna go then.”

“See you next week.” You give him a little wave. “I’d say break a leg on your mission but knowing your situation...”

He scoffs. “Thanks.”

You make a move to close the door when starts walking down the hallway towards the exit.

He adjusts the beads slightly so he can see them better. The Earth one has glitter in it. He thinks it’s cute.

“Bucky.”

He turns around.

There’s a hint of a smile on your face.

“Take the stairs.”

He doesn’t have to be told twice.

Next part

[shapeshiftinterest]

The Sheriff's Department Prepares to Celebrate Winterfest at the Request of One (1) Adorabat

mao mao heroes of pure heart Christmas gift exchange

for @redstreakfox

wish list: When Adorabat announces she made a Christmas decoration during crafts at school featuring the three of them, BC and Mao reveal they haven’t celebrated Christmas in a long time due to traveling so much before Pure Heart Valley. Adorabat really wants to celebrate with them and so they set out to Farmer Buns farm to find the perfect tree for Sheriff HQ. 

________________________________________________________________

story under the read more

The Sheriff's Department Prepares to Celebrate Winterfest at the Request of One (1) Adorabat (also on AO3)

"mmmaoo... mmmaooo... mmm so legendary heheheh... " Mao mumbled stretching out a little before curling back into a ball on top of Badgerclops’ stomach, rising and falling with every breath of his cohero.

The sun was shining, the outside was snowing, and the two were napping comfortably on the couch after their most recent tussle with the skypirates. perfect conditions for a relaxing afternoon.

*BANG!*

Until the front door slammed open.

"SUP Y’ALL I’M BACK!" Adorabat screeched, scuttling into the room. Badgerclops jolted, accidentally shoving a flailing Mao onto the floor.

"Hwuh? – oh hey ‘dorabat," he yawned "how was skewl?"

Adorabat closed the door behind her and flew over to sit on the couch arm near Badgerclops’ head.

"It was great! We made winterfest ornaments. This one’s mine, see?’ she said, shoving a popsicle framed picture into his face. Badgerclops took the ornament and sat up, scooching over to make room for Mao. It was a simple crayon drawing of the 3 of them holding hands with Adorabat in the middle.

"Wonderful work Adorabat" said Mao. She beamed and flapped her wings to settle on Badgerclops’ shoulder.

"so when are we gonna hang it on the tree?" Adorabat asked, bouncing in place excitedly. Badgerclops and Mao shared an awkward look.

"Oh, uh, hhmmm. I don’t think I’ve celebrated winterfest in like, a while. Me n the Thicket Thieves weren’t really all that close y’know?"

Mao touched his chin, contemplating. "Now that you mention it, I haven’t celebrated it much either. Not since...’ [bao bao flashback]. He shook his head.

"Didn’t yall ever celebrate it together?"

"I guess we were traveling so much before coming to pureheart valley that we forgot." Badgerclops rubbed the back of his head. "But we’ll definitely celebrate it with you starting this year!" he reassured.

"Ye-yeah!" Mao chimed in, ruffling her head "We can’t let all your hard work go to waste now can we? haha"

Mao stood up, hands on his hips. "First things first, we should get a tree so we can hang your ornament Adorabat"

                                                      __________

"Dude, do we really have to get one of THESE trees?"

"Of course!" Mao exclaimed, sizing up the surrounding pines before heading for the tallest one "Bigger is better when it comes to Winterfest trees after all"

"Ok but I’M the one who has to carry it back, besides," Badgerclops scanned the tree his friend was getting ready to cut down "this one’s too big, it won’t fit in the house"

"Nonsense Badgerclops,’ Mao said, felling the massive pine with one swipe of Geraldine "it's the perfect size"

"But-"

"We’re not even that far from HQ," Mao made his way to the base of the tree, digging his claws into the wood and pulling. "Now come on and *grunt* help me drag this bad boy *HHHHRRRAAAAAHHH* to the aerocycle"

"Actually, my dear sheriff- oof!" Mao whirled around, only to run into a solid chest and get a face full of impeccably groomed fur.

"QUINTON!!" Mao suddenly found himself standing next to his deputies.

"Mmmwhere was I? Ah yes~ unfortunately for you, my dear sheriff, only pureheart valley farmers have jurisdiction to cut pine trees during Winterfest season"

"Wha-"

"So we’ll be confiscating this one, ah-ha~. QUINTON!!" the king yelled.

"Wait, your grace-"

"Ta ta~‘ The king winked and blew a kiss to the sheriff’s department as he and quinton disappeared into the underground tunnels, taking the tree with them.

Mao, Badgerclops and Adorabat stared at the spot in disbelief.

"Soooooo, Farmer Buns?‘ Adorabat piped from Badgerclops’ shoulder

‘yeah ok‘

Badgerclops picked up a stunned Mao and the trio made their way over to the aerocycle.

                                                      __________

"heheheheheheh!"

"PINKY YOU SLIPPERY BASTARD GET BACK HE- WHOA!", Mao slipped on a patch of ice, crashing into some of the ready cut winterfest trees as a mayonnaise covered pinky literally slipped out of his grasp.

"nyeh nyeh can't catch me hahahaha"

"What the heck Pinky, WE were gonna get that tree‘ Badgerclops said, rounding a corner and shooting nets from his robo arm rapid fire. Pinky continued to dodge them as he made his way to Farmer Bun, tree tag number in hand.

"Finders keepers losers weep- GAH!" Pinky yelled, getting a face full of smoke.

"Smoke bomb! smoke bomb!"

Mao swiped the number from Pinkys oily grasp "HA HA got it! Ok Yall lets go buy our tree" he said, already marching over, friends in tow and money in paw.

                                                      __________

…

‘WE FORGOT THE TREE!!‘ Adorabat screeched.

‘HANG ON YALL’ Mao made a sharp U-turn as Adorabat slammed the turbo boost button, the 3 of them screaming all the way back to the farm.

                                                      __________

Badgerclops poked his head out of the kitchen, spatula hand switching back to normal as he walked into the living room where Mao and Adorabat were making more ornaments.

"Hey guys, snacks are done" Badgerclops said, careful not to crush any of the drawings or origami decorations that littered the floor before sitting down next to Mao and putting the plate on the table.

"COOKIES!!" Adorabat let go of a jar of glitter and hopped onto the table, taking 2 of the still hot cookies and shoving one into her mouth "Ohm nom nom nom nom nom"

"Adorabat be careful, you could burn yourself"

"Here ya go lil dude" Badgerclops reeled his robo arm in, holding a tray with 3 cups of milk and sliding one of them towards Adorabat.

"Thabnk ou!' said Adorabat, cheeks puffed.

"And one for m‘ Mao Mao"

Mao tossed the finished origami star into the large pile at his right before accepting his lucky ducky mug.

"Thanks Badgerclops. I think we're almost done with the rest of the decorations," Mao bit into a cookie, looking at the tree in the corner of the room with Adorabat’s skewl ornament sitting proudly in the top branches "we can probably put them up in the morning, or maybe after second patrol. What do you think Adorabat?"

"Afternoon please! I wanna take my time and make sure it looks nice"

"Afternoon it is"

"Yall wanna watch the new soap opera episode? It's a winterfest themed one~" Badgerclops asked, already turning the TV on and channel surfing.

"Oh yeah!!" Adorabat circled the air above his head before landing on the middle cushion. Mao stood up and stretched, cracking what sounded like every bone in his body. Moving to sit on her right, he unfolded the large blanket from the back of the couch before putting it on their laps.

2 hours later the whole sheriff’s department was asleep.

Mao’s head was resting on Badgerclops’ shoulder, and Adorabat had somehow wiggled her way onto Mao mao’s lap, her head pillowed by Badgerclops’ thigh. The blanket was starting to fall to the floor as a Winterfest jingle played from the TV.

[changji]

Wow you really went off the other day but at least it was worth it 😪 I normally look at the scenery when I’m on a road trip, but then I get bored of it and decide to sleep bc there’s nothing else to do. Motion sickness must suck :(( do you take gravol or something to help with it? Coffee literally drains the life out of my funds it hurts me

Yes omg pls make me cookies I love them. Maybe you can even open a bakery with pastries and sell some good /cheap/ coffee. Ilyt my dear baker 🥺 ye I’m not the biggest fan of my bday either but gotta celebrate anyway!! One year closer to death woohoo 🎉🎉 your birthday is the most important day of the year!!! You can’t fight me on this I’m right

Pearls are so good. Like most places I go to don’t add anything to the pearls so it’s just bland squishy balls but the place I frequent adds I think honey to sweeten them. It gives the pearls life istg. It tastes so good 🤤 hollering is a funny word. For some reason I always associate it with yodelling which makes me laugh

Ksks you must be op if you can make a joke in the wall with a door slam. I can’t relate my arms are literally sticks and I have no strength in me. Chrome books are terrible in general. Add my schools terrible wifi and you get one big recipe for disaster. I’d never fight u either (unless it’s for your bday) ily too much for that 🥺🥺🥺

Hahah I think it’s me. I haven’t heard anyone say “go ham” except for the people who go to my school. I find it really funny tho so I try to incorporate it whenever I can LOL easily burnt? Can’t relate but apparently I easily tan. There’s this one diagonal stripe on my shoulder that separates pale me and tan me which ??? How did that happen and what was I wearing for that to happen??

It’s all fun and games until you go outside and see a mountain of snow waiting for you to be shovelled. But there are some good aspects to winter, like skating and skiing and all that fun stuff. Snow is so heavy?? Or maybe I’m just weak but after I finish shovelling I’m beat. Gardening is not my thing. There’s too many bugs involved flying around 🥴

Kind of? I always thought it was short for cappuccino but I could be wrong. They don’t taste like fraps tho, they’re sm better. I was always a frap hoe until I discovered lattes. My old elementary school was close to a Starbucks so whenever frappy hour was happening, my friends and I would go almost every day LOL

I heard that dunkin coffee is really good. Oof there’s so many things that the us have that Canada doesn’t. But apparently you guys don’t have ketchup chips?? How can one live without them? You know that’s what soulmates are, we’re stuck together forever and I don’t mind that. I’d never leave you 😌😌

YES OMG LATTES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. I pay around the same amount and my wallet cries every time. If you ever yeet yourself off a bridge I’d come visit u in hell and bring u iced coffee 💖 we really are soulmates wtf I get almond milk in my lattes as well!! I used to get normal milk and was like “I’m a bad bitch milk can’t hurt me” but that didn’t really work out. Sigh what we do for coffee 😔

Washing dishes is disgusting. I hate doing them but yk someone’s gotta do it and that someone is me 😤 I’m acc lazy when it comes to smoothies, I usually ask my mom to make them LMAO. Pancakes are pretty much made of flour if you think about it so technically when u eat one plain ur eating cooked flour,, how barbaric. Waffles are Built. Like. They have a 20 pack 😪😪

I love angst personally so pls go ham but not too ham I’d like to keep my heart. Honestly at this point my last brain cell has given up on me. But yes I love angst and I love torturing myself with heart wrenching angst that leaves me crying into my pillow at 3am (I’m talking about this one haikyuu fic that I forgot the name of. I was literally dying inside jalsjwo)

Pls do send me peet’s I’ll send you an iced capp in a cooler so it’ll be somewhat melted and probably spilt everywhere 🤪 tumblrs probably gonna block me again, I’m looking at how much I’ve typed rn and it’s a lot lmaoo. Yes I managed to save myself. I redid the whole last with less detail bc I was not Having It but it turned out better?? How is ur drawing now?

I start after labour day in September. But starting in 3 weeks?????? On a Thursday?? I could never wtf. When do you end? I’m so confused with these ap and honours thing, like there’s none offered in my school nor majority of the school district. Are they just advanced classes or something? It is 7 classes a semester or the whole year?

Stan talent i think you meant yourself??? Jsjsksk I am not only ur coffee soulmate I’m not #1 fan as well and I support u bc ily 🥺🥺 the read more tag had me laughing for a hot minute. Like we really could make an essay out of all of our replies. I don’t have any pets (besides fish does that count?) unfortunately bc my moms allergic to fur 🥺 hbu?? (I can’t believe tumblr blocked me again they can fight me)

-

i didn’t even pay LOL i freeloaded off my cousin 🤧 i like to look @ scenery sometimes but like i can’t bc my head hurts LOL and the scenery is always the same for me, mountains and fields with cows. i try to take dramamine but it makes me so drowsy that i’m just basically dead,,, i live off of my cousins money so i’m okay 🤪

tbh i use nestle toll house pre made cookie dough, like that shit actually slaps. it’s the best it’s so good omg, perfect for lazy hoes 🤧 death here we go ! the order is ur bday, then skz debut date, and then christmas i don’t make the rules sorry sis 😤

pearls are Dangerous, i once drank a smoothie and there were pearls in it and i couldn’t see them bc there were like. only 3 and they were Buried under the smoothie but i choked and almost died but i chewed one of them and it’s like. so weird. HOLLERING AND YODELING IM- i once went to some public yodeling class and left in 2 seconds bc it was a bunch of white boys dressed like the kid from walmart 😪

it’s not even strength i’m actually rly weak,, i always think the doors are closed but they’re not and so i like slam them open and the walls are thin so it’s just. a sad hole. terrible wifi,, my school has pretty good wifi tbh but we have like three connections, one for the chrome books only, one for the teachers & staff, and one for students and guests. like it works rly good but everyone has a VPN bc of stupid social media restrictions 😤 & ilyt 🥺 u would probably win in a fight tho LOL

go ham is so interesting. the first time i heard it i thought it meant go pig and i was so confused but ig,,, i live lathered in sun screen whenever i go somewhere with the sun. ppl are like “i smell sun screen” and im just there like 🙃 it’s me u got a problem u burnt chicken nugget ??? i wish i tanned easily, i have a tan friend and when i showed her when my legs got tan she was so confused. i thought i was tan tho? bc during marching band season my sock tan becomes So Bad i’m basically white. she said she was blinded when she saw me pull my sock down and i laughed so hard LOL & i hate those dumb random tan lines like. where u @ bro? where u come from??

snow is fun for like a day and then i get tired LOL i csn only handle wet socks and a red nose for so long 😔 i tried skiing one time and i did so bad that the instructor had to hold me down and walk with me down the slope. i fell so many times i think he hated me 😳 i’m also rly bad at skating? i went w my friends once and i held both of their hands and still managed to bring both of them down when i fell. a cute guy once helped me when i was struggling to walk so 🥴 not my brightest moment tbh,, trying to walk in skates while on ice. do u enjoy skiing/skating? also gardening is. gross. worms and dirt and the sun i’m not here for it.

u: cappuccinos! me: ...ice bergs,,, now that i think about it fraps kinda suck,,, i used to think i was So Cool for drinking starbucks but now i’m like. wow. i used to think there was coffee in a frap but it’s just. sugar and ice LOL also speaking of tmrw is bogo fraps here,, idk if it’s all over the world but myb u should check it out 😪

dunkins okay it depends on what you get, i once got an iced latte and it was good but my dad got an iced coffee and he like. hated it so we had to switch and it was so bad like. it was coffee crime. it was horrible and not strong it was basically milk 😤 also,, ketchup chip? i just googled what that was and. that’s literally so weird. fun fact i hate ketchup and all other condiments i can only eat bbq sauce and i tolerate steak sauce

UR LITERALLY SO CUTE OKAY UR MINE NOW HHHH

i mentioned this in the other ask but. we going broke bitches club 😪 when u come visit me it’ll be old town road the one w mason ramsey on a loop. nothing will top the og remix but no, i’ll be stuck listening to some 5 year old rap for all of eternity

I USED TO BE SUCH A GOOD KID AND DRINK MILK EVERY MORNING ever since i got to middle school i preferred sleep over waffles and milk and i hardly drink milk but when i do. my stomach does not have it.

my mom made me wash dishes today and she just stared at me when i put ziploc bags on my hands bc we didn’t have gloves but i just painted my nails and i’m not abt to put myself thru chipped nails. not yet 😤 waffles are so good like i love waffles and lattes only 🤧

well i’ll go very ham (am i doing it right LOL) 😤 the angst ending is a lot better than the open ended or happy ones LOL i’m so excited for it 🥺 i’m rly tryna get it out before the end of this month bc the edit says july and it’ll make me Mad if i don’t get it out before the end of this month

i wanna start in september 🤧 and i usually end in the first week of june. also on a wednesday LOL it’s gross. stupid. ap means advanced placement so it’s just. a college level class. lowkey mad bc i’m taking ap euro (as a sophomore 😒) and other schools take it in their senior years? apparently this is normal? and honors are just faster paced classes with more weighting so,, idrk oops 😬 some people take 7 classes in a semester but i took it for the whole year! this year i’m dropping orchestra i’m Not for that spit in the carpet life

the only talent in this house goes by ada and jisung. i don’t make the rules. i’m ur #1 fan 🥺 as soon as u post anything i automatically smash that rb button LOL also put a read more here bc like. we’re really out here writing a whole ass essay. i’ll look @ all our convos bet it’ll be like. a lot. i don’t wanna say smth and be off so i’ll just not. i have a dog! he’s the cutest in the world and i love him sm 🥺 tumblr can fight me first like. what’s this ask limit bull hhhhh

[kairoth]

1-7, 10, 12-15, 18-24, 28, 30, 38-46, 49-52, 60-61, 72-75, 85-92, 100, 102, 104-114, 117-120, 124-127, 129, 135-150? Do whichever you want though.

hey! done on laptop so sorry if there are any mistakes

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

♥ my mum?? i think.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

♥ definitely shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

♥ wellll soon we'll be going to see the two lil puppies i've gotta choose from and i'm excited about that!

4. Are you easy to get along with?

♥ i mean... idk?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

♥ prob not

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

♥ hhh kind people. like, attracted to as in i'd date them... same thing pretty much but also i tend to fall for more dominant people.  

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

♥ prob not lmao. no one wants to date me i'm gross

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

♥ uhh my mum. last night. sort of.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

♥ literally every song by EDEN takes up my top 50.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

♥ YEA

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

♥ i mean sometimes.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

♥ it's not summer yet but uhhhh i'm gonna get a puppy!

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

♥ hhh our parents are friends and we're still kind of awkward friends? we haven't like actually had full conversations in a long time but we still hang out sometimes.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

♥ yea! but like,, not to where you get bubbles in your mouth cos bleh

20. Do you like your neighbors?

♥ a little! the people close to us are pretty nice. there's this one old lady across the way from us whose dog i used to walk. she let's me pick oranges from her tree and talks to me. it's fun! she's away from home a lot tho since her husband died.

21. What are you bad habits?

♥ rambling, for one. picking at threads for two. uhh, can't think of any more off the top of my head but there's definitely a bunch of other ones.

22. Where would you like to travel?

♥ i reallllyyy wanna go to Ireland. definitely some places in Asia and some more in Europe.

23. Do you have trust issues?

♥ yes.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

♥ sleeeeep. soon enough it'll prob be my puppy

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

♥ my cats and my mum. ooh and my aunt danni.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

♥ maybe! i'm pretty polyamorous tho and if i was in a relationship with more than one person it'd feel unfair if i only married one of them... so it'd be really cool if we could make polyamorous marriage a thing pls.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

♥ OOF. uh. just. someone who is kind and loves me and will take care of me, and who i can do the same for. someone who will put up with my clinginess and paranoia. someone who loves animals and hates people who abuse animals or kids or other people just as much as i do. someone who can put up with my quirks in general. i always imagine someone who, if we're separated and reunite, will let me run to them and do the hug thing where they pick me up lol. we can read books to each other and they won't get frustrated if i stumble over my words, we can share music with each other, cook/bake with each other, travel, see an animal and just coo over them together, watch horror movies even tho i hate them but it's ok because i have them with me. sorry long answer lmao,, i got carried away

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

♥ barnes n noble, hot topic just bc, and uuuuuuh that's it.

40. What do you want to do after high school?

♥ ideally i could do a gap year to travel. i might do a gap year and work so i can get money. i don't know if i can get into college, but my mum suggested interning for a local vet, even tho i'm not in medicine, because it's good to have that knowledge if i wanna own an animal shelter. it's a good idea so i might do that.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

♥ it depends. sometimes if you give someone a second chance they'll take it and stab you with it (metaphorically). it all just depends on what they did, who they are, how they are, how they feel about what they did.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

♥ i used to be super loud when i was younger. sometimes i am when with close friends. now, it could just be that i'm focused, or thinking, or comfortable, or sad, or sick, or upset. when i'm angry with my aunt bc she won't stop messing with me i'll go silent. idk.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

♥ sometimes!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

♥ i'd like to say neither and outerspace. the ocean terrifies me. but so does outer space sometimes????

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

♥ depends on what's happening that day. if something exciting is happening i'll prob get up quick. and if i'm in bed cos i don't feel good then the thing that gets me up is like. the fear of disappointing my parents by not doing anything. or when like my cat is very insistent on needing something (like food or water or getting out of my room) and i don't want to be a bad owner and not get it.

46. What are you paranoid about?

♥ fff what am i not paranoid about?

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

♥ mmm... nothing i can really think about?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

♥ black.

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

♥ oh definitely

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

♥ my appearance. or my personality. hm.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

♥ mmm... i won a fencing competition once. but like. it wasn't a huge competition. just a few little series of fights that our teacher was having us do.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

♥ nahh. i've gotten two detentions but never suspended

72. What colour are your towels?

♥ uhh the ones i use are white striped w green and pink.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

♥ there are two 72s??? oh well. uhh only one

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

♥ yea! most of them are just around me, the only two i actually snuggle with are my bbies teddy (a bear i've had since 5) and addi (a panda i got like two years ago?)

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

♥ uhh. maybe 30? or somewhere around there?

75. Favourite animal?

♥ don't make me chooooose

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

♥ never seen it

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

♥ hhh nemo. he's such a good little clever fishie. v mischievous tho

87. First person you talked to today?

♥ mum!

88. Last person you talked to today?

♥ uh prob gonna be my mum

89. Name a person you hate?

♥ trump

90. Name a person you love?

♥ syd ! my kitty

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

♥ uuuuuuuh nah

92. In a fight with someone?

♥ ? nah

100. How are you feeling?

♥ rn? pretty ok. i just finished my geometry course so i've only got three classes left !

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

♥ yes. my entire past. being born. like yikes

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

♥ yes.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

♥ yup

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

♥ ? who knows

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

♥ yea! i used to do lessons but i stopped

108. What should you be doing?

♥ rn? schoolwork

109. Is something irritating you right now?

♥ schoolwork

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

♥ definitely

111. Do you have trust issues?

♥ yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

♥ uh my cat i think

113. What was your childhood nickname?

♥ hb

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

♥ yea! my fave state to go to currently is maryland. i love the temperature and the landscape and the fireflies.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

♥ sometimes!

118. Do you like Chinese food?

♥ one of my faves tbh

119. Favourite book?

♥ oof. that's a hard one. uhm. we were liars by e. lockhart.

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

♥ yes.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

♥ no. lust at first sight, yea, but not love.

125. Do you believe in true love?

♥ maybe.

126. Are you currently bored?

♥ a lil.

127. What makes you happy?

♥ loved ones, animals, music, warm blankets.

129. What your zodiac sign?

♥ this is always a complex answer from me lmao. technically i'm a leo. but i was supposed to be born in october, not august. and i've always related more to scorpio (and pisces tbh lmao). so i always wanna say i'm a scorpio

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

♥ FF. IT'S SO DUMB I DON'T EVEN WANNA SAY. WORST TIME OF MY LIFE. sorry for caps

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

♥ closed

137. How tall are you?

♥ 4'11

138. Curly or Straight hair?

♥ on me? well long it's curly but it's short rn. it kinda still curls in some spots tho

139. Brunette or Blonde?

♥ naturally i'm a mix. or 'dirty blonde'

140. Summer or Winter?

♥ winter.

141. Night or Day?

♥ night

142. Favourite month?

♥ november

143. Are you a vegetarian?

♥ nahh. i enjoy meat too much

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

♥ milk chocolate is the only chocolate in my eyes

145. Tea or Coffee?

♥ mmm that's hard. i love earl grey tea but coffeeeeeeeeeeeee

146. Was today a good day?

♥ eh. i finished a class so yea

147. Mars or Snickers?

♥ snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

♥ ffffff idk tbh

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

♥ i am a ghost!!!

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

♥ there's no book close to me and i couldn't find my fave which is stressing but i'll do this before looking for it so i'mma just use a random one. book is we all looked up, by tommy wallach. "he marched into the school and took the director aside, explaining that they had a strict rule in their house - curriculars before extracurriculars."

[littledonkeyburrito]

No, I do not know Mr Ikea

1. Have you ever painted a car? No.

2. What’s the brand of your sneakers? I’m not currently wearing any but most of the shoes I own are converse.

3. Are there any gnomes in your yard? What yard?

4. When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi? Probably the last time I went to a bar or maybe shopping centre??

5. Do you ever have to write down a phone number to remember it, or not?Does anyone actually remember phone numbers in this day and age?

6. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Never. It was always a little fear in the back of my head that I’d get stung by a bee or wasp for the first time when I was at work on nightshift on a site with nobody else around and realise I’m allergic and die.

7. Are you gonna buy lottery tickets when you’re old enough? I have been old enough for like 5 years and I’ve never bought one. (this was so written by a 14 year old)

8. What’s the last thing your parents yelled at you about? My parents don’t yell at me because if things go wrong it’s my own damn fault and my own damn problem. Part of being an adult.

9. Have you ever been into a real cave? Yeah I went to a couple in Tasmania last year.

10. Does your local museum permit free entry to students? No idea but most of them do free entry one sunday per month.

11. When your picture is being taken, do you smile with/without teeth, or do you not smile at all? Depends on the photo and my mood at the time.

12. What’s your favorite type of seafood? Prawns. Honestly, prawns are a gift sent from heaven. 

13. Have you ever been to Florida? No

14. Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? Nah it’s not really uncommon. When I was in grade 8 there was a kid who started calling me a sort of shortened nickname version of my last name which, from an outside perspective, could sound racist. Anyway, this kid was a dick and a teacher heard him call me that once and gave him detention.

15. Have you ever told someone, besides family, that you love them and meant it? Every dog that I’ve ever met.

16. Are the blankets that are on your bed now made by someone you know in life? No, I do not know Mr Ikea

17. Would you ever have a child just to get someone to fall in love with you? That is a horrible reason to have a child. So manipulative and super hurtful to everyone involved. Don’t ever do this.

18. Have you ever personally witnessed a drug deal before? Yeah.

19. Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? Yeah, I got a ticket a few years ago.

20. What time is it where you are currently? 9:04pm 21. Have you got any half or step siblings? No

22. When was the last time you had wet hair? When I had a shower a couple of hours ago

23. Do you like kids’ movies? Sometimes

24. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I got a mild cold when I got back from central america. Long haul flights are the worst for cold and flu

25. When did you last wash your hair? A couple of hours ago

26. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, one time my friends and I got kicked out of a clothing store for mocking their stock and taking selfies wearing all their hats.

27. Who did you last speak aloud to and what did you say? I think it was when I spoke to my neighbour like 2 days ago about our electricity bill. I don’t go out much...

28. Do you have any homework to do? No. I don’t go to school and currently am not taking classes for anything. I think I last had homework in March.

29. What were you last at the doctor for? I needed a vaccination for Yellow Fever and some prescriptions for travel medication.

30. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? Back in the day

31. What is the strangest food combination that you enjoyed as a young child? I don’t think I necessarily enjoyed the combination but I loved the individual components so much that I kept eating them together anyway. As a kid I ate spicy salami with nutella.

32. Have you ever had to call the cops on someone else before? Yeah that one time my neighbours at the time were fighting and it sounded like she was about to straight up murder him. 

33. What kind of phone do you have? Samsung S6

34. Name a site that you visit everyday. Until I read the previous person’s answer on this I didn’t realise you meant website. I was thinking of like work, the shops or whatever. 

35. List all the things you had to eat/drink today: Spicy noodles, some cheesy breadsticks, a banana, milk and some coke.

36. Best one: Alcohol overdose or jumping out of plane with no parachute? Bro, wtf? Probs drinking because it’d be fun up until I get sick.

37. Are you a fast walker, or do you take your time? In my city I walk fast and the slow tourists frustrate me.

38. Ever felt utterly ashamed of something or someone? Not really but there’s certainly a few cringey drunken memories in there. 

39. Do you find it difficult to sleep on your stomach? Yeah bc I got big tiddies

40. Have you ever drunk/eaten a substance in the science lab? Lmao yes this one time in year 12 chemistry we were trying to make icecream using dry ice but my group mixed ours too much and it pretty much came out like sweet butter so one of the girls got some crackers out of her locker and we ate them with the butter stuff. Also in that same semester we made wine and then sat around in the classroom drinking it with our teacher at 10am even though all the students were still 17.

41. Do you believe in the army, it’s disgraceful to improperly salute? I read the first half of that and was like, “Umm yes the army actually exists, it’s not some fucking cryptid.”

42. Would you rather play an instrument or be the singer? Instrument - drums.

43. You must change your name to either Ethel or Gertrude - which do you pick? Ethel 44. Form a sentence in which each word begins with the letter “H.” Harry hopped happily hacia (spanish meaning towards) his house. That’s a little bilingual one for you. 45. Would you be comfortable at a nude beach? Probably not. 46. Do you own anything that is glow in the dark? No.

47. In front of you is a chocolate brownie and a slice of apple pie - pick one. Brownie please  48. What is your least favorite breed of dog? No, they’re all good. 49. Would you rather battle a shark or a lion…why? I’d fight a shark on land. 50. How important is money to you? I like money a lot. Mostly I like it because travel is expensive 51. Find the item closest to you; what do you use it for? That would be my phone, a notebook and pen, and a can of beer. All fairly self explanatory.  52. Have you ever been told that you talk too fast? In english, yes. Spanish, definitely no. 53. Are there any stores near you that are open 24 hours? I honestly have no idea. 54. Do you know any songs by Fall Out Boy? Yes, and that reminds me that they have a new album out that I should buy. Also Foo Fighters and I think Maroon 5 (or maybe it’s out soon) 55. Have you ever given your phone number to somebody you met online? Yes, I have given my number to a couple of people from tinder because it’s much easier to chat on whatsapp. 56. Have you ever had a crush on somebody who was 10+ years older than you? I guess so, yeah. 57. In your opinion, are leggings appropriate to wear as pants? Maybe not in an office/formal environment, but casually, you do you man idgaf 58. On average, how much does gas cost where you live? No idea, I’ve never driven here so I’ve never felt the need to check prices. 59. Do you know anybody who can play an instrument? Yes 60. What store did you buy the shirt you wore today at? I bought it at cotton on in Toowoomba way back when I was still at uni. It’s my pyjama shirt these days. 61. Do you prefer minty or fruity flavored gum? I don’t like gum, but I do like to have breath mints around. 62. When I say the word “Luxury” what comes to mind? idk why exactly but I pictured a purple leather sofa with gold along the backrest. 

Like this ^^ design but purple leather instead of the beige and gold instead of the white. In a dimly lit room. Probably with a fireplace roaring nearby.

63. How old were you the year your favorite movie came out? idk if it’s still my favourite but I was 16 when it was released.

64. Whose birthday is coming up soon? @aturinfortheworse in a bit over a month. Oh wait, my dad’s is before that.

65. What’s your favorite place to get sushi? Not in most countries bc it’s super expensive. But Japan or Aus are good.

66. What’s your favorite Paul Rudd movie? Probably Antman

67. Do you know anyone who lives in Hawaii? No.

68. What’s your favorite way to eat a potato, ex.: chips, fries, baked, etc.? Raw like an apple. Straight from the ground, don’t even wash the dirt off.

69. What’s the closest thing to you with someone’s handwriting on it? The notebook sitting on the end of the couch. I’ve been writing down the companies I’ve been sending my CV to.

70. What’s the most important key on your key ring? There are 3 keys to get into my apartment and those are the only keys I have.

71. Do you have Spotify and if so, what’s the last song you listened to on it? I do not.

72. How spicy do you like your food? Very. Just fuck me up fam.

73. When was the last time you walked through your front door? A couple of days ago when I went to the corner store to buy beer.

74. What would you do if you accidentally got pregnant? I’d panic first, and then abort.

75. Bats: cute or gross? So goddamn cute.

76. Are you going to or did you see the new Star Wars? Yeah I’ll probably go see when it comes out.

77. What’s your favorite Netflix show? My fave netflix original is probably Club De Cuervos 78. What is the last thing you said to the person you like? "If I had more money I’d definitely be travelling right now” 79. What was the last thing to annoy you, even the slightest bit? When you apply for a job online and you attach your resume but then they still make you fill out that whole questionaire thing that takes like 30 fucking minutes and it’s literally all information that is written in your resume. 80.  Would you rather go back a week or go forward? Neither of them are going to make a difference. 81. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? No thanks 82. Who did you like on New Years? I was very attracted to the guy I was seeing at the time but I didn’t actually like him as such. I did have a bit of a crush on my spanish teacher though 83. What did you have for breakfast? I did not. 84. Have you had sex in 2017 yet? Yeah it’s been a pretty fun year tbh 85. What kind of booze did you last take shots of? Last time I had a shot would have been in Panama when I was quite hungover so the panama guy took me to a bar and gave me a beer and a shot of white rum. The rum did not go down well but the beer was nice. 86. What are you wearing currently? Pyjamas and socks 87. What colour hair do you find sexiest on the opposite gender? Dark brown or black usually 88. Have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed? Yes. (this section must have also been written by a teenager) 89. Who last slept in your bed besides you? Guy that visited a few weeks ago 90. What time did you wake up today? Around midday 91. If the last person you had sex with asked you to date them, would you? Bit difficult since we live on different continents. If we lived in the same place, then yeah I’d probably give it a go 92. How long until your birthday? 7 months 93. When you lost your virginity, were you sober? I was not anywhere close to sober 94. Has anyone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah. 95. When did you last consume something that had peanut butter? I have absolutely no idea.

[tokyoteddywolf]

Fuck It I'm Gonna Minific From A Phone

A little Self Story bc I need to write SOMETHING and my Voltron fics are reserved for a computer with a proper keyboard.

————————————————- Huffing, the teenage girl smacked her head onto her desk for what felt like the thousandth time that day. ‘When will this suffering end?’ She thought, tugging her scrunchie out and letting her copper and red streaked hair fall out in curly waves, brushing against her shoulders. She idly played with a particular ringlet as her English teacher ranted about Shakespeare or something similar up front, near the whiteboard. Lucky her, she was sitting in the very back, which meant more chances to daydream. Vaguely she thought that she should shower when she got home, since her hair was feeling a little oily and looked dusty, and earlier this morning she’d broken a comb trying to smooth out a few tangles. Curse her genetics for giving her father’s fluffy curls and her Mum’s wavy thickness to her unruly hair. She didn’t care if her hair was classified as “perfect curls or waves”, all she knew was she never had to use a curling iron to get perfect ringlets, and straightening the damn thing was an hour long process she had no energy for. Not to mention water was her number one enemy, always causing it to either curl or frizz when dried. Or both, which was normally why she kept it tied back with a scrunchie. She snapped back to attention when the bell rung, and she gathered up her things and left that godforsaken class. She said hello to a few friends as she passed them in the hallways, and played her usual game of How Gay Am I For That Girl as she walked to Algebra class. Humming along to the tune on her headphones, she slid into her seat once she’d arrived and waved an awkward hello to her pal Nathan, or Omega as he called himself. Things had been a bit strained between them, mainly because Nathan had a crush on her and she only saw him as a brother. She always felt bad when someone liked her, not that it had ever happened before to her knowledge, mainly because she was Aromantic. She turned to her notebook and hummed quietly to herself, remembering the conversation she’d had with her Mum the other day. “Boys are like static cling sometimes!” Her Mum had sighed, brushing silver and black hair out of her hazel green eyes. “So, you never really felt like dating anyone?!?” She’d responded, actually a little shocked. “No, actually. I stayed single my whole life til I met your father. He’d actually just stuck around me, and we ended up getting married, before that divorce. Every boyfriend since has just stuck to me until I agreed to one date, and I guess I just never had the heart to say no until I got fed up enough.” The older female had explained with a wry smile. “So you must actually be Aromantic like me! Huh! Ya learn something new everyday…” the teen had muttered, before grinning at her Mum. “So once we kick Steve out, no more boyfriends? Promise?” She’d asked, adding puppy eyes for full effect. Her Mum had laughed and nodded agreement. She shook out of the memory when a sheet of complicated looking equations was passed over to her, and she sighed. She had no idea what she was supposed to do, so she huffed and at least tried to figure out what the fuck X equaled. An hour and a half later, she was slumped against her close friend and brother figure Sam, who didn’t complain and merely continued to eat the nachos she’d gotten for him. He never had any money for school lunches, and she’d felt awful when she saw the sad little sandwiches he’d had to eat. She’s started with handing over her leftover food she hadn’t eaten, since she was worried he wasn’t eating enough. Then it turned into her handing over her food at every lunch period since her new meds that controlled her anxiety and ADHD also acted as a hunger suppressant, leaving her appetite nonexistent. She ate, of course, usually when she saw food she liked, such as the fish or the egg rolls, or usually just survived off of the fruit cups and milk cartons. Sam glanced over at where her head was pressed against his leather jacket covered shoulder and raised an eyebrow. “Tough day?” He asked nonchalantly, dipping a chip into some of the liquid cheese and sour cream as she grumbled and looked up and stared at his sideburns. “You have no idea. I might not live through fifth and sixth period.” She groaned, absolutely limp against his form. They had that weird sibling dynamic where physical affection wasn’t all that unwelcome. Sam chuckled and patted her knee sympathetically. “You’ll survive. If I can listen to Mel whine about her problems all day and still keep my sanity intact, then you can survive the next two classes today.” She snorted out a half laugh. “Well, yer her boyfriend. Listenin’ to her is kinda yer job.” She drawled, slipping into her Texan accent. What? She was tired! Her ADHD had kicked her ass the night before, so she’d been up til nearly three in the morning aching to go run or something before she managed to settle down enough to get SOME sort of rest. Sam rolled his eyes and munched on another chip. “Can’t argue with that.” He hummed, shrugging. She sighed. “Honestly I just want to take a nap but I have stuff to do…” Sam rolled his eyes again. “Don’t we all?” He joked, reaching up to ruffle her hair. She purred delightedly at the attention. She adored head rubs, but it was something she only let trusted people do. Which was rare, since she literally had no trust in anyone, anxiety only worsening the problem and making her believe that, even though she had a good life and friends and family that really cared, everyone would turn on her and abandon her and pretty much show that everything was one big lie, a joke. She and Sam started chatting about story ideas, since they had their own little AU called the Squad AU, just a little story about their OC’s and the trouble they get into in different universes, some already existing and some made up. The bell rang again, dismissing the lunch crowd, and she gathered up her things and bid goodbye to her pals as she moved to the class in the library. She grinned as the class door unlocked and she entered the computer filled room, sliding into her favorite spot and swivel chair, adjusting the tilted computer screen and lowering the chair so her chest could have a rest on the wooden table and give her aching shoulders and back a rest. Cracking her neck and back, rolling her shoulders, she popped a few finger joints and logged in, already working on an essay paragraph so she could do what she really wanted to; free write. She actually had a deal with the teacher, after several talks and lectures. After a while, he’d given her a deal: as long as you write a poem a day or an essay paragraph, you can take the rest of the class off to write your creative stories and documents. She’d finished the poem assignment a few days ago, so now it was just a paragraph for an essay a day and she could go back to writing plot lines, head canons, fic ideas and short stories as much as she liked. Once finished with the paragraph, she pulled up a familiar document, the plot line for a Shance one shot she was making, and started adding in more details to the document. Humming, she checked over everything and made a few changes before deeming it ready to be written out as an actual story before opening a new document and starting a new plot line, this one for another one shot idea she’d had last night during her little hyper episode, though to be honest she’d seen the same thing around a few times already but it never failed to make her smile or giggle. She had to research a little for it, but that was okay and she had the bare bones of the idea down by the time the bell ring. She saved everything twice before closing everything and logging off, ready for the long exhausting march to sixth period over in the second building. Once there, she greeted everyone with her usual “Man I feel dead inside!” and slumped into her tall chair, grateful for the cold black plastic table top against her cheek as she rested her head against it. A pencil shooting across the table had her glaring up at her frenemy, Nicholas. “Nick, for the love of everything holy, could ya fucking not?” She growled as the taller boy grinned at her from two tables away, his face blurry since she’d left her glasses at home today, but she could still practically FEEL him smirking. “But messing with you is more entertaining than anything else.” Nick chirped, twirling another pencil in his hand before flicking it at her. She flipped him the bird and nuzzled into her bag, to tired from the jog up the stairs to respond back for the moment. She rummaged around in her bag before pulling out a bag of chips and throwing it at him. “Here. Now shut up and leave me alone.” She hissed, glaring at him as she fumbled with her scrunchie and retied her hair back into a ponytail, or bunnytail since it was short and fluffy and curled down to brush against the back of her neck. To be fair, they were friends, sort of, since Nick went to her Grandpa’s church and she usually saw him there whenever she visited. But, they had a mutual hatred and respect for each other. A weird dynamic, since one moment she’d be sharing food with him and he’d be chatting with her about the logistics of a show, but the next they’d be at each other’s throats with scissors and flailing arms. No real harm was ever done, but it did annoy her to no end when he threw things like pens and popsicle sticks at her. She put on her headphones and ignored him the best she could, occasionally throwing a pen back or discreetly flipping him off, and started doodling in her notebook again. “Oh thank God, I’m free!” She declared as she exited the school, her scarf getting tossed into her face from the wind. Tucking the blue fabric back around her neck, she mumbled to herself as she walked the short distance to her house. “Well, at least until tomorrow.” She sighed, waiting for the crosswalk to turn green so she could cross the street and get home. It was a nice day for once, windy but not freezing cold like the winter they’d just left. Her skirt pressed against her legs as cars blew past, her scarf fluttering over her shoulder as she plucked her loose curl, the one she kept shorter for aesthetic purposes, out of her eyes in time to see the light turn green. She finally got home, and after fending off the excited dogs that swarmed her when she got inside, carefully dodging the hard whip-like tail of her boxer pit bull mix Kane who was a total sweetie, she managed to get into her room and shut the door to be alone. Ignoring the mess on the floor, she flopped onto her bed and sighed into a pillow before checking Tumblr, bored already. “Well, today was boring.” —————————————— I’m ending it there. See what happens when I’m not allowed to write for so long?!?!?!?

[elisehwcng-blog]

hey everyone !! my name is jules and i’m so excited to rp with you all! i’m 19, dying from boredom bc summer break without your friends close by fucking s u c k s ( not to mention everyone around here is a snake.. loves to live here as you can see ) and i’m a mcdonald’s frappé addict, like they’re the way to my heart js. anyways, here’s a bit of info on an actual pain in my ass, elise! ( tw: sexual assault, ptsd, knives ) :

MEET ELISE CATHERINE HWANG

born on march 13, 1997

the daughter of first generation korean-canadians

her parents gave her a korean name as well to appease their own parents

which is hwang min-ji

scarborough, ontario born and raised and the eldest of two kids

she doesn’t care intensely for a lot of people, but she fucking adores her little bro

the most stubborn chick alive, will never admit she’s wrong unless you weasel it out of her with some heavy guilt-tripping

a true instagram addict, which makes sense bc she can be p vain at times

rather intuitive tbh

has a problem with trusting others, feels like she can only truly rely on herself so if you break through that barrier then congrats ig

she won’t make it obvious though, she’s a sociable being and will actually take to you if you pique her interest with free booze or a wild story

just don’t expect her to surrender much of her life story, but she’ll also get a bit offended if you don’t offer a bit of your own ?? 

the most annoying internalizer of emotions ever if you’re actually friends with her, 110% will not confide in you if you’re not one of four people in her life

still working on other minor elements of her personality, but i’ll add it after i post this if it comes to mind within the half hour after !

now to her actual background

she lived in a divisive household when it came to tradition

her parents did a lot of things to satisfy their parents but didn’t enforce their kids to do the same with them

mostly just told them to go along with them whenever their halmaes and halbaes were around

ex: not being very religious but attending church regardless

so elise grew up a little less restricted than they had long story short

her parents both have careers in science, her mom’s a pharmacist at her parents’ small clinic and her dad’s a microbiologist, so financially, her family does p well ( upper-middle class for the region )

she wasn’t the best at making friends in her early years and when she did, they didn’t stick around for long

one of the pros of living in the gta being there were a ton of kids around so it wasn’t all in vain

also her vanity when she was a kid was prob a turn off for the other kids lol

smart af

like english? a’s

math? a’s

french? a+

even though she isn’t confirmed fluent, hasn’t bothered to go through with that just yet

as she got older, she became better at making friends and soon had a small group of like-minded individuals around her

almost got valedictorian when she graduated, her and another dude were separated by .3% and that had her fuming tbh

if you milk it out of her, prepare yourself for one of her rants about her three ap courses/credits to her name going to waste.. she won’t hold back

decided to go to u of a bc it was a chance to a) study abroad, b) be even more unrestricted, aka fuck up her liver and not get in deep shit for it, and c) to just live in a less bustling area than gta

besides she’s a major history hoe and amsterdam is f u l l of it

tw: sexual assault, so in her first year of uni, she went out with a few friends and her girlfriend at the time and got approached by a dude she’d only shut down

he got aggressive and ended up being kicked out of the club, and while elise tried to put it behind her, she couldn’t enjoy herself so she went back to the dorms early

once she got back, she went into the elevator to get to her floor and lo and behold, the dude followed her back and now had her up against a panel. didn’t realize she basically let him into the dorm

had a knife to her neck while he assaulted her and was hysterical

was smart enough to call the duty phone and p much gave away where they’d be going 

so she was relieved when an ra was on the other side of the door when it got to her floor, but that didn’t stay for long bc of what had just happened

recounting it, having to go to the hospital for her injuries, that entire night had her shaken and bawling

wouldn’t leave her room for two weeks after that

her grades slipped a little, at least until the situation was explained and she could make up for it

she found it hard to sleep some nights, to eat, and the furthest she’d leave her room would be to go to the nearby vending machine in daylight

slowly, she moved on from it, not fully but enough to soon return to lectures, go shopping, etc

she still has nightmares of the ordeal, sometimes gets into defensive mode if someone grabs her arm a certain way, and goes into a fight or flight response if she sees someone wearing something similar to what he had that night

she doesn’t make it too apparent around most people, or rather she tries to

that aside, she’s been keeping up with school and her social life is about where it was before her assault, which she is more than thankful for, even if she’ll always be a bit paranoid or cautious about it

majoring in physics.. gl to her lmao

as i said before, she speaks french, is fluent in korean and is learning dutch

loves languages so she isn’t rly complaining

memes are the way to her heart

well, memes and quesadillas/paninis/poutine

just food in general but to do right by her, you gotta go for one of the big three in her eyes

secret sci fi junkie

here for aesthetically pleasing everything

but will shove that aside for some hella loud rock music

her room is almost never in disorder, oddly enough

will talk your ear off about the latest nasa discovery if she pleases

quite the party girl, but rly lets loose in an environment that she knows she’s safe — and will be taken care of — in

basically you won’t know rly who she is from one day to the next, the personification of a wild ride

i think that’s about it ?? anyways, if you’d like to plot, just hmu or like this and i’ll come to you! i have a few plot ideas here if you’d like to check that out beforehand though !!

[whenwillthearkreturnfromwar]

do all of them

this took me so long

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

dio

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

more outgoing? but not at first

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

dio

4. Are you easy to get along with?

so i’ve been told

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

oh def lol

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

girls

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

“relationship” lol yes

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my soulmate bryant… gonna be doing a tennis tournament in socal

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

if it’s guys talking yeah, otherwise nah

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

ummmmm probably you?

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

I lov u

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

love in color - taeyeon, i blame on you - taeyeon, bambi - jidenna, talking to the moon - kream, foldin clothes - j cole

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

if i like them yea!!!

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

luck idk… but miracles yea it’s a miracle that my girl likes me back lol

15. What good thing happened this summer?

:000 i don’t remember this past summer at ALL

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

UMMmmM OFC not to be cheesy but i literally wrote a song about slow kisses with her afsghfkj

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

yess

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

who even was my first crush? probs some girl at church so no

19. Do you like bubble baths?

I haven’t had a bubble bath in years but probably

20. Do you like your neighbors?

idk my neighbours…………. one of them is the ex-fire chief of oakland which is cool i guess

21. What are your bad habits?

procrastination, staying up late, singing 24/7, not finishing drinks and leaving cups without washing them

22. Where would you like to travel?

I was thinking about studying abroad for a summer in college… we’ll see

23. Do you have trust issues?

i don’t trust myself

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

talking to dio

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my fingers are hella short so i cant play instruments as well as i’d like :(((

26. What do you do when you wake up?

go back to sleep

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

neither

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

dio

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

no..

30. Do you ever want to get married?

umm mayb? for the benefits i guess. if dio wants to

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

nooo i just cut it hecka short

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

none?

33. Spell your name with your chin.

pzagtgtik

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

taekwondo… fun fact i used to play basketball.. yea…. all 5 feet and ~1 inch of me

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV!!!! i dont watch tv anyway

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

i liked you lmao

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

…

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

about 5′6″… brown eyes… brown hair that has these hypnotizing curly strands that frame her face… has this strong leader aura that u can kinda tell so ppl rly admire her but she doesn’t even realize…. amazing at soccer, competitive… but SO SOFT…. amazing hilarious storyteller… so intelligent and aware and always striving to better herself!! BEAUTIFUL IN SO MANY WAYS i mean i am actually so lucky so maybe i do believe in luck.. anyway that’s my dream girl… name is dio and she’s mine

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

thrift town? i dont rly like shopping

40. What do you want to do after high school?

go to college… probably ucsb actually…. parentals want me to go to davis more tho

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

if u mess up a boba order yea; if ur sm ent making amber miserable no

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

im sleeping or being emo

43. Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes i return that flat-line grimace/smile that white ppl give poc in passing bc now that it’s been pointed out to me i can’t unsee it

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

bottom of the ocean is terrifying,, let’s do it

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

the fact that i get to see dio

46. What are you paranoid about?

nothing

47. Have you ever been high?

perchance

48. Have you ever been drunk?

mayhaps

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

i don’t think so

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

purple

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

nop

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

my ineptitude at public speaking

53. Favourite makeup brand?

idk makeup

54. Favourite store?

farmer joe’s lol

55. Favourite blog?

@peachylook

56. Favourite colour?

orange!

57. Favourite food? 

korean

58. Last thing you ate?

boba

59. First thing you ate this morning?

oyako donburi

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

I won a poetry competition one time and also a musical chairs game

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nop

62. Been arrested? For what?

nop

63. Ever been in love? 

oh man i’m so in love it’s embarrassing

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

LMAO i’ll pass

65. Are you hungry right now?

nah

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

some

67. Facebook or Twitter?

uhh twitter produces good memes sometimes so i guess twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

this trash site

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

dio, bryant, clara

71. Craving something? What?

cranberry juice

72. What colour are your towels?

pink/white

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

one

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

no

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

like 20

75. Favourite animal?

doggos/cats

76. What colour is your underwear?

red

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

mint chocolate chip

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

white/orange

80. What colour pants?

black

81. Favourite tv show?

fresh off the boat

82. Favourite movie?

currently moana

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

havent watched either

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

^

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

^

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

crush

87. First person you talked to today?

my dad?

88. Last person you talked to today?

dio

89. Name a person you hate?

*******

90. Name a person you love?

dio

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

tr*mp

92. In a fight with someone?

no

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

like 5

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

like 6

95. Last movie you watched?

the shack

96. Favourite actress?

lee sunbin the loml

97. Favourite actor?

???

98. Do you tan a lot?

i dont wear short clothes enough

99. Have any pets?

noooo :’((

100. How are you feeling?

sad bc my girl is sad

101. Do you type fast?

yea

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

oh man so many

103. Can you spell well?

w e l l

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yea

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

no

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

i don’t …. maybe??? presumptuous of me to say

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

no

108. What should you be doing?

homework

109. Is something irritating you right now?

the fact that it had to rain this sunday of all days

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

@ dio

111. Do you have trust issues?

trusting my memory wasnt this already a question

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

dio

113. What was your childhood nickname?

…patti?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

i was born out of it lmao

115. Do you play the Wii?

the first and only console i have ever owned

116. Are you listening to music right now?

no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yes

119. Favourite book?

whoa idk

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

only if i’m walking in it outside alone

121. Are you mean?

yes i’m p average

122. Is cheating ever okay?

communal cheating in high school hell yea #finesseTheSystem

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

not rly

125. Do you believe in true love?

i believe in soulmates

126. Are you currently bored?

no

127. What makes you happy?

dio, music, good food, games

128. Would you change your name?

yea

129. What your zodiac sign?

pisces

130. Do you like subway?

does BART count

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

i should hope he likes me… we’re soulmates. and we’re both gay as hell

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

?????

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

taeyeon’s i blame on you and love in color!!!!!!

134. Can you count to one million?

i cant count my blessings how am i supposed to count to a million

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

i liked boys LOL

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5′1″

138. Curly or Straight hair?

curly

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brown/black hair

140. Summer or Winter?

summer

141. Night or Day?

night

142. Favourite month?

march idk

143. Are you a vegetarian?

no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

tea

146. Was today a good day?

it was a day

147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“I’m cool as a motherfuck.” - my old man gov teacher

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

not rly

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“If colour was not a straightforward matter in these racial categories, neither was fixity and immutability.”

[miss-butter]

Things I Thought That Were Not COVID (January - June) Ending

~having journaling sessions so intense I get a headache 

~ the RHONY cast casually drinking martinis plural at bars like it's a chill thing to do and they're not immediately going to black out?? Damn. 

~ e v e r m o r e 

 ~ the intensely stressful harmonica opening of All I Really Want while Alanis wails "do I stress you out" over the top of it 

~ today I feel like an eye that opened very very wide. What I saw was a door, opening 

~ through the fog I thought the city was the sky 

~ I carry all of this inside of me. It makes me very still 

~ "I am slow as the world. 

I am very patient, 

Turning through my time, the suns and stars 

Regarding me with attention. 

The moon's concern is more personal: 

She passes and repasses, luminous as a nurse. 

Is she sorry for what will happen? I do not think so. 

She is simply astonished at fertility." 

~ people with no self awareness/people with no sense of humor about themselves truly need to go live on a farm away from me 

~ the piano player that lives below me, the guitar player that lives above me 

~ "the sun whose rays are all ablaze" 

~ Room Memory I: the PERFECT sensation. Wearing my coat with a bagful of plastic spoons in my hands, leaping into krts car that smelled like dogs and cigs and is a smell that makes me feel so warm. Going over the bridge into Minneapolis chatting with them while the radio played (krts parents would play the radio, old and new, it was a thing I have never ever stopped appreciating). The times we'd get snacks at the theatre, dreaming of the day we'd be old enough to look upstairs (we haven't yet). The dark room, the laughter in the shadows and the feeling of fulfillment and validation. How their parents were there to collect us after and I got to see them on the Monday after that night. 

~ Room Memory II: me and emma and bast going to see it in the winter of a year I can't remember. Driving across the Minneapolis bridge in a snow storm, slow but with intention. We arrived early, and saw a cat on it's way home before taking shelter in a late night kowalskis. They had never seen it before, and I think my friend Eric was there but that might have been another time. Laughter, darkness. Emma drove home in the blizzard, tracking over deep, deep, inches of snow in the dark over the bridge and home. When we got back my parents were asleep, and I remember us piling our feet over the vent to catch the heat in my living room. Oh, babes. 

~ why do people ask where the love you had for a person goes when that person is no longer with you?? As though feelings are so easily generated that you can just release a life that you led and say "that goes there now, away". I think I'm STILL feeling everything I've ever felt in my life, nothing can truly ever go away. Also, the idea that because a person is no longer beside you that that somehow influences how you feel and what you feel and when you feel it! Can't relate. 

~ That Scene in Frances Ha where they fight in the bathroom and: 

Sophie: You're bullshit, and you're making me feel really bad right now. 

Frances: I want to love him if you love him, but you don't love him. 

Sophie:  I DO. 

Frances: Sophie, I fucking held your head while you cried, I bought special milk for you, I know where you hide your pills, don't treat me like a three hour brunch friend. 

Sophie: I'm not talking to you while you're like this. 

~ I never would have known, but there are pieces of me only Paul and Fred can reach. I want to go back to my Little Self, the first time I saw Fred, probably hungover, wiping sleep out of his eyes in that chair in Brownville, and whisper: "that's your brother. That's your real brother." She might burst into tears and never stop weeping with joy. That she had a brother who was a good man. A man of character. 

~ I got fired, and two days later I allowed myself to get packed into a truck and taken to a lake. On the way there I stopped at the first restaurant I'd been to since march, and I was so scared I slurped down three vodka sodas with a burger. When I arrived it felt like a miracle, like paradise. I remember everyone went to the beach in the twilight but I stayed, and sat on the patio and smoked a stolen cig, and listened to The Beautiful Ones 5 times thinking of how badly I'd like to be a nun because I couldn't stand the thought of other people. Somehow the moment still makes me feel so. Just So. Hearing it now is like seeing a ghost. 

~ do all people feel this way? Oscillating between airy fulfillment and vanilla scented oblivion? When I think about death I think of little sideways smiles, heavy lids, radiator squeaks, That Tree I still see in my memories. Somedays I feel like I'm full of Cool Whip, otherwise gelatinous, heavy, falling apart like an aspic. 

~I still refuse to be sorry that I find some of the things lena dunham does and says to be funny, suck my hood 

~ I constantly see tweets and stories that go something like "I told my 4 year old ____ and then they *insert action or phrase no 4 year old would ever do or say*. Yes, brilliant child. Yes." Like....the compulsive need to make shit up about your child in order to appeal to strangers on the internet is a form of Munchausen by proxy we as a society would do well to reckon with. It wasn't ok when those lesbians with the adopted kids made their son hug that cop, it's not cool for your "cute" tweet, babe. 

~ people who refer to their pets as "fur babies" have either tried to or successfully gotten their pets to eat them out. You can't change my mind. 

~ the stars in Death Valley 

~ next year in Nebraska 

 ~ it's beshert. No matter what you choose, no matter where it goes, the act of looking and of learning was beshert. This moment was meant to be. 

~ it's going to be such a bummer when my tits start to go off to the side when I lay down. How can we endure it? 

~ family: watching musicals with The Boys, swearing that we'll go to NYC together. Fred's face, Paul's smile, the sound of MEMORY let your Memory lead you I remember a time I knew what happiness was let the Memory live again 

~ I'm too upset to write / I'm too upset not to write 

~ the bruise, the deep round bruise, the lump beneath it 

~ $80,000 each; $240,000 total after amendments 

~ I lean to my wound, I lean to my wound 

~ disgusting girl, nasty pie-faced thing filled with fruit the color of plastic gems. Veins plugged up with sugar, eyes full of stars. 

~ its lucky to not be bothered at all by blood, I must have been born under something (or over something) 

~ this is the worst lead up so far I've ever had. Utterly alone, unsupported by....who? The r u b i c o n, the gentry, even the rabble. Sitting in a lukewarm tub, soaking the wound, empty head in the room between shitting and living. Thank god for grapefruit chapstick, and for Them. 

~I'm.......babing out 

~ how nice for her, how nice for him, how nice for everyone  (breaks glass in my fist) 

~ I am the drug that you need, shoot me up shoot me up 

~ Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female was a definite top 

~ muttering to myself in a Mark Wahlberg voice just to get a good giggle 

~ making things for my brothers daughter; playing peeks with Jeremy; reading a book with John; playing sticks with natalie; talking about books with Noah. Being a woman with five nieces and nephews to watch grow up. 

~ “She wanted to die, but she also wanted to live in Paris.” 

~ Nora Ephron, and Melissa Broder. The now maligned art of self-confessional writing that I find infuriating when men do it (woody allen) but not unlike sinking into a hot bath when a n y o n e else does it. 

~ My dad telling me about his golf tournament, my dad telling me stories of seeing bands in the 70s, my dad finding out who Blac Chyna is and saying "she's amazing", my dad knowing every character ever on Law and Order, my dad and Noah bent over a chessboard, my dad taking a splinter out of my sisters finger. 

~ if I was a Housewife my tagline would be: "my attitude isn't MY problem, it's yours!" 

~ I have a recurring nightmare where I went to my first day of Spanish class and then just never returned? And I knew I was going to fail but for some reason really wanted to make it to the final bc that might make a difference? True claustrophobic panic. 

~ I have an incurable disease? I have an incurable disease! 

~ a m e r i c a n  w o m a n 

~ DR Q: should I be on antibiotics until surg? Ointment yes. What in detail will happen after surg/how will it heal/will it heal? If the wound is not going to heal after surgery is it necessary to do it at all? Down the line, when can I have sex? Can I take full body baths? Is there a specialist I can take these to? Should I shave before surg? Infections? 

~Potential Bday Marathon w bois: Big Lebowski, Wild, Stand By Me, Almost Famous, Frances Ha 

~ I am going to be well, I am going to heal, and I am going to be better one mesh shirt and gauze pad at a time 

~ Tommy Wiseau saying "I've sumfin fer youuuuu" 

~ hating the Grateful Dead SO much but knowing all the words to Box of Rain. Singing it in the bath first thing in the morning while my coffee brews. 

~ I've been making this list for a year 

~ "Butt out, Baby" 

~ What I have done I was compelled to do 

~ sitting here in this humid April heat, remembering the blizzard last Easter, with Band of Brothers episode 5 on the tv, a lavender candle flaming, a message from Fred flitting across my screen like a dear little bird, my disease pulsing in my cells, my hair long in a ponytail, thinking of my brothers wedding in a few days. I've cried three times. 'You should be so lucky,' I think, over and over again. 'You should be so lucky to have this love, to have room for this pain. Le douleur exquise.' Thank you and thank you and thank you (and, if you have time, let me heal) 

~on the phone with Natalie, laughing hysterically as she takes shots and calls me Marat 

~ Last night in my dream the doctor called my wound "the bog" 

~ I might....actually want to watch Desperate Housewives again 

~ the dinner the RHONY gals have in the Berkshires season 8 is my IDEAL meal, just a roast chicken with herbs de provence, mashed potatoes, fresh green beans, and cranberries. 

~ Again, tonight in the bath: 

"Just a box of rain 

Wind and water 

Believe it if you need it 

If you don't, just pass it on 

Sun and shower, wind and rain 

In and out the window like a moth before a flame 

And it's just a box of rain 

I don't know who put it there 

Believe it if you need it 

Or leave it if you dare 

And it's just a box of rain 

Or a ribbon for your hair 

Such a long long time to be gone 

And a short time to be there" 

 ~ a really cathartic thing to do is throw ice cubes at the wall 

~ crying on the kitchen floor and thinking of amy winehouse singing: "I cried for you on the kitchen floor." 

~  note for later: what are you doing? What are you d o i n g ? Get out, get out, get out. It ain't shit, babe. Ain't shit. 

~ you're a woman of genuine wit, write what you feel and how you're feeling it. Someone, someone, someone anywhere will see it and will cheer 

~ that season of vanderpump where schaena fucked adam and denied it the whole time but was so obviously in Love with him while he could care less about her, culminating in her adopting a penguin from the zoo and giving him the gift of it. She named it after him. Imagine loving someone that much that you would do this. 

~ the loveliness of a braid. A braid in hair, in rope, in bread. How a figment becomes a pattern, becomes history slapping against my shoulders. 

~ spring cleaning for mothers day. Egg salad and a nip of whiskey after dark. Feeling very old and yet very at sea 

~ A Thought: I should think about my neighbors on my death bed. I hear them speak through my walls, the boy that gets in screaming philosophical arguments and the upstairs girls who shriek. My neighbors who stomp, and my neighbors who dance all around me, the ones who were groaning in pain in the stairwell before going quiet. I can hear their laughter, and I've thrown things towards it and felt bad about it later. Their pianos on cold fall afternoons, and the late night guitar they probably think nobody hears. The couple with the large, spindly dog who isn't allowed to be here, and the cat that I pet on the stairs, the barefoot boy cradling his cat in his arms after the fire alarm went off, the chic looking lady with her carrier. The girl I went to college with, hidden somewhere in here. The ones who've come, and who've gone. They've likely heard me, too; crying, coming, laughing until I have to scream into it. Maybe they hear my music, too. I've left them cough drops, left them notes, brought packages upstairs, held the door, gifted cups of detergent. I'll remember the bike, abandoned in the laundry room even when management kept sending emails about it. 

~ I'm afraid one day I'm going to turn around in bed and my wound will be my lover, my wound will be companion, who will press up against me as I make coffee, who will throb under my sheets, who will sit beside me as I eat dinner, drink a glass of wine. She weeps, and last night I thought: "do I make you wet, baby?" and I laughed. Hedwig says laugh because otherwise you'll cry, I'll remember it forever. When I laughed everything tightened up and I Hurt and Hurt. Tonight I'm very, very, very alone, and my bath radiated through me like I was a boiled lobster. When I watched RHONY naked I felt the wound put its hand on my thigh, and it felt like I was living with someone I didn't trust. Gone Girl hours. 

~ I look like a cloud 

~ I have a true disease of the soul and mind in which I'm not capable of forgetting anything. This must be due in part to me being a Leo and therefore being a righteous holder of grudges, but I can't even manage to forget a purchase I made at CVS that I didn't feel great about three years ago much less an interaction with a friend that isn't reflective of Either of us now but that fills me with rot. In this sense, retrospect hits me very hard because nothing ever leaves me. I'm like a desk and papers get piled on top of each other and sometimes it gets messy but each memory is just under the surface of another. Needless to say, if I tell somebody that I can't remember something I'm usually lying to them just to avoid being bored. Which is something to think about, to be sure. Anyway, tell me the story again. 

~ I feel naughty and covetous, big-titted and sharp-toothed and green-eyed and hungry hungry hungry hungry hungry. I always get this way when the whether turns hot. Everything is getting deeper, thicker. For the better and the worse. Keep your candy away from me or I'm going to take it from you. 

~ "My daughter. My last one. She's my sin. She's what I smeared on the world." 

~ the beginning of the summer I sweat, and I bleed, and crack, and i hate and hate, until. Until. The window must be left open, to let the lion in. While I sleep it crawls out of my closet and lays down upon me and I wake up with my hair in a snarl and an insatiable throbbing in my veins. The air is hot, and I'm ready to swallow the moon again. Be  r e b o r n. 

~ it's nice to meet you. I'm 26 years old, I'm a woman of cracks and fissures, a woman of unprentention who relishes pretending, baddest, chatterbox slut, writing gay porn every night if i can manage it, irremediable sky watcher, secret smoker, mainliner of unhip music, dizzy lady, silly goose. I think the moon is in my neighbors window, and I look up at the impression and thank her. 

~ I'm vaccinated, I'm going to a party at my sisters house, I have a person in my phone who I think likes me and I Know wants to fuck me. I've written 1,000 words every day this week. This year I’m spending my birthday in Nebraska. Let the season begin, let me move west into a long, brilliant wind.