#and how kushina wanted to involve herself with the kids

[dopeydi]

I go back to this clip every now and then 🥹 How I wish it was in the anime at the very least so more people could appreciate this added perspective and ++ to the feels & angst of everything that ends up happening

[1rintome]

MODERN NARUTO HCS!!

I dont wanna make too many, so heres a few!! None of these personalities are canon, these are all just made up. If you dont like when people put totally different personalities on characters, I recommend you dont read this! 🫶

-Sasukes family is full of police, and they run a police station

-The Uchiha family is also some kind of mafia shit

-Yes they abuse their police power

-The Hyuugas are also mafia, and are rivals to the Uchihas!

-Sasuke and Neji were forced ‘rivals’, because they were the same age

-Sasuke almost killed Neji

-Later became friends, now repeatedly visits Neji in the hospital because he got in a coma

-Naruto is Sasukes real rival, but only in academics, girls and strenght (from Naruto’s pov)

-Sasuke sees Naruto as a rival, somehow

-Minato and Kushina are alive, very chaotic but happy couple

-Minato is the mayor, and Kushina is a judge

-This is how Sasuke sees a rival in Naruto, because Naruto is on the ‘good’ side and hes on ‘bad’ side

-They were rlly good friends in childhood tho

-They made out as practise hehe

-Knew they weren’t attracted to men after that

-Naruto wasn’t exactly hated when growing up, but he accidentally murdered someone in his teens so lots of people hated him after that

-Wasn’t actually the murderer

-He got away with it anyway because of his parents :)

-Seen as ‘weird kid’ in school

-Trained his body from a very young age, and does martial arts!!

-Really powerful

-He had a crush on Sakura until he found out from his parents that she was included in some sketchy shit

-Sakura is very smart

-Like very

-She knows the Uchiha are mafia, because of a certain happening

-Popular in school

-Became really strong after she started dating Sasuke, because Sasuke trained her really well so she’d be able to protect herself!

-Hinata is a shy cutie, but when you get to know her shes kind manipulative with her shyness, and clingyness

-Didn’t know she was manipulative though, because she just picked up behaviours from her mom

-The hyuugas are not a happy family/household

-Didn’t wanna be involved with mafia, since it included being more ‘close’ to her family

-She only likes Neji and Hanabi in her family

-Became stronger so she could protect Hanabi

-Dislikes Sasuke for what he did to Neji.

-Ino is a whore

-That sounded bad mb

-She doesn’t like it, but her family is poor so she sells herself

-Is trying to use Sakura for money

-Thats why theyre friends

-Shikamaru is smart, but ignorant

-He ignores everything that goes on around him, because its too ‘bothersome’

-Choji follows what Shikamaru does, not hesitant. Theyre best friends, right? Shikamaru wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, right?

-Kiba has a fake personality, and is only himself around his dog

-He doesn’t wanna be involved in anything, but ends up being involved anyway

-Nobody notices Shino. He does that want to be noticed, anyway. Or?

-TenTen clings on to Sakura and Ino like a leech, she just wants friends.

-Lee is super sporty! Too bad he got a really bad injury that made him unable to do what he loves.. Hope this doesn’t make him *too* depressed!

-Does Gaara spare his siblings? We dont know. Will Naruto be able to save Gaara in this timeline? We dont know.

-‘Sensei’s like Kakashi are teachers or workers in shops

-Itachi does his best to keep Sasuke out of the spotlight. He likes when the attention is on him.

//////

hehe i put some images that i found that fit this!! 😽

[helenarasmussen87]

Random thoughts on characters

Putting it under the cut because I have *feels* about this.

So I've gone full tilt again into Naruto because it's honestly been tumultuous for me for a long while. I got depressed and turned to the series again. Reading and writing for it and somehow Tiktok decided I really need to know about Boruto, so yeah.

I have a complicated past with Naruto. My ex was a gasligthing dick and for him, Naruto was a childish series that had no value. As did fanfiction. He basically hated that I got joy out of something so simple.

Another ex LOVED Asuma and the series and it actually helped me look at it in a more positive way. But I didn't go back until a couple of years ago and found that I loved it SO SO Much.

So now that I'm revisiting the series and I have to admit that I ignore canon and Boruto. I was expecting the couples to happen, but I have to admit that I HATE how Sakura got shit on.

Sakura should have had a brilliant character growth arc. She had so much potential to be a second Tsunade. And instead she's Sasuke's wife, patiently waiting for him and being a single mom.

I get that our man is the Shadow Hokage, but his ass can't park itself in Konoha to at least not forget his own daughter? It's like the bare minimum...And we're supposed to believe hints that this is a great love story? Uh no. It's toxic and Sakura needs to love herself.

Sakura is pushed to be the rehab for a broken man. I love Sasuke, but the last thing he needed was to get involved with a woman who loved the idea of him rather than who he could be. The man needed to be by himself and get over his grief and get his redemption done.

(I also think that Naruto and Sasuke could have helped each other in this by travelling together. Naruto is one of the few that got him and saw him. But I digress)

She deserved more than to pine for a man who needed to get his shit together. And yes, I know the books are out...And they do read like paint by the numbers bad romance novels. Having read enough of them before, I knew exactly where things were supposed to go.

And I have heard and read "Well, fifteen years can change people!" It's true that people do change to the point that they don't recognise their partners. They aren't really on the same level and they are very different people.

You can fall out of love with someone and you don't have to stay with them. I know because I married young and I eventually left. It took me moving halfway across the world and basically having a war of attrition for years to get my divorce, but I did it. And having this perspective is why I'm like "Oh honey, no."

I won't say that Sasuke abuses Sakura. I don't buy it. What I do buy is that they are toxic together and forcing a life that neither of them really want. Sasuke loves having a family. Sakura loves that she got her entry into the Uchiha clan.

(I also find it kind of weird that this guy wanted to continue his clan and only has one child? I know that he supposedly gave up the dream...Which absolutely makes no sense in regards to his character. He loved his clan. He loves his family. So why not have more kids? You supposedly love this person and you have a clan to renew...so why only one kid? Naruto had two in contrast to him.)

The other thing is that you can enter a relationship when you're so full of turmoil and trauma bond with a person...And wake up years after and see that this is not where you're supposed to be. Yet not want to change the status quo and stay. Even though it's not the life you saw when you started? Yeah. That's how these guys feel.

Also, the romance isn't organic. Asuma and Kurenai was offscreen, but we knew how much they loved and respected each other. Temari and Shikamaru also had the best romantic trajectory since it grew organically. Hell, even Minato and Kushina who are fucking DEAD got an organic love story.

(Not listing NaruHina, because they have their own issues going in, but at least they got their weird development)

The major problem was lack of development and how they kind of got smashed together. I also will take Kishimoto's assertions that they were supposed to be together always with a grain of salt. Maybe because I'm older and was socialised female, but it looks to me like the man is backtracking and keeping them together out of spite. And because he's so shitty at writing female characters.

I'm quite skeptical that he had it planned. Considering the sheer amount of planning for different story aspects and the sheer amount of emotion we get in different dynamics...Kind of hard to buy.

Compared to Fruits Basket where we got hints right away of Kyo and Tohru, Yuki and Machi...We got lukewarm hints of Sasuke feeling the same for Sakura. I mention Yuki and Machi because Yuki himself was very, very reserved and traumatised as Machi herself was, there were enough hints for everyone to go "Oooh."

With Sasuke...It was always Naruto. And Sakura.

(Kind of like me and you, and your friend...Steve)

Demon Slayer had Iguro and Mitsuri, who had hints...and got a heartbreaking scene that they both wished for something they knew wasn't going to happen. Going even further back, there was X/1999 with Kamui and Kotori.

Point is that Sakura deserved better than to be shoved into a toxic supposed happily ever after.

Sasuke also deserved better.

End musings

[ikingpotato]

I'm curious, what other Sasuke ships do you like?

To be honest, before Sakura Kasugano, there is other girls for Sasuke. There is tons of list that I ship Sasuke with and that even involve cross shipping, but I will name only top 11, and you already know who is number one is, it is Sakura Kasugano. Anyways onto the list:

11.

Temari from Naruto Shippuden and Boruto. Although they have barely interaction but I know Temari is quite smitten with Sasuke and his look by referring to him "handsome". She also feeling sad when Sasuke that she knew turnout that she wasn't expect from him during 5 kage summit. They fought before and Sasuke go all out on her, he doesn't go easy on her, he see her as equal and formidable opponent. Also, both of the voice actor dub got married so that make me want to ship them. To be honest, I think they would be good couple of power house. She strong and have long hair that Sasuke like. In any circumstance if Temari was in the hidden leaf, she could convince Sasuke to stay using logic to find a different way to obtain power. Sasuke will acknowledge her, probably have 2 kid.

10.

Kushina from Naruto and Shippuden.

Okay...Here me out..Before some of you will grab torch fire and pitchfork...Sasuke favorite food is tomato and Kushina's hair is like a red tomato and most people in her childhood called her that. If Kushina was still alive and Sasuke begin to notice her. I believe Sasuke will have a crush on her and will stay at Konoha. Again, he like tomato and love a girl with long hair. Not only that, she also strong too that something Sasuke like. Headcanon, if Kushina was alive and heard about massacre of the Uchiha clan that Sasuke was the only one alive. She would take him in so Naruto would have a friend however Minato pass away. Time goes by as Sasuke get older, he would confess his feeling toward Kushina that he would tell her that she got very beautiful hair and want to be with her forever. They would have one child. So please ummmm go easy on me.....Remember it's just an headcanon. ^~^

9.

 Annie Leonhart from Attack on Titan. Well, basically she is indeed strong and she have those stoic facial expression like Sasuke. She does have harsh personality and isolate herself from other like Sasuke. To be honest, she doesn't care much same as Sasuke does. So if Sasuke ever went to different dimension and come across into Titan world, I think those two would open up and as they respect each other in term of Skill, Strength, Power, and Goal. They will develop feeling for each other little by little. They would get 1 kids.

8.

Karin Uzumaki, from Naruto Shippuden. Karin have been very supportive of Sasuke's decision and will risk her life to help Sasuke achieve his goal. To be frank, she is cute, plus long hair and her hair color does have similar feature as Kushina have so yeah I think it will work. If those two get marry and get 3 kids. They would have very strong bloodline of Uzumaki and Uchiha clan. In headcanon, Sasuke will develop empathy and realize what he have done to her and how he treat her from 5 kage summit was wrong, start to appreciate her a lot more of her undying supportive. He will start develop feeling for her and reciprocate the feeling toward Karin that she still have feeling for him. They will have a peaceful wonderful life as they leave Konoha forever.

7.

Tatsumaki, from One Punch Man. Sure, she maybe short but her strong personality make up for it that her true beauty of it. She can be cold and harsh toward everyone that she come across, but it similar to Sasuke as he was harsh and cold toward everyone, however, one thing they both got in common. They both got tragic past and how they turn out of how they act which you can't blame them for it. If Sasuke ever come across with her and got into her world, at first they both would be hostile first, then Tatsumaki would retaliate of her using psychokinesis/psychic power on him but however Sasuke would be too fast and he would use his sharingan on her to get caught into genjutsu. She would be shock and upset that someone can stood against her power, in overtime, they would have common enemy goal to eliminate. Tatsumaki would slowly open up and have feeling for Sasuke, also admire his good look. Sasuke would find her annoying at first for her constant insult but he will find her quite charmer and adorable due of her personality. They would have 2 kids.

6.

Shura Kirigakure, from Blue Exorcist. Come on, she is gorgeous and so beautiful, that should be enough reason, right? lolz No? Okay fine, Same reason as Kushina and Karin, Long hair and red color as a tomato but that is not enough reason so I will tell more. She is very strong and quite knowledgeable of her ninjutsu something she had a common with Sasuke. In headcanon, Sasuke come to her world. At first, she would attack him because he come from different world and assume he work with the devil. Of Course, Sasuke stomp her but only going easy on her, as Sasuke explain how he is not working with Satan and how he wind up in her world. Shura will agree and find Sasuke quite a good looking handsome that she might claim him to be her lover. She will pounce on Sasuke and drag him to the bed to make sweet love lol, They would have one child. That should be enough reason.

5.

Ramlethal, from Guilty Gear. Well, both of them use a weapon and very skill in hand to hand combat. I really think she is very cute and sure some say she have stoic emotionless facial expression but I think that is part of her quality. I think Sasuke and Ramlethal would be adorable couple. In headcanon, they will spar at first with no conclusion as Sasuke is not using his full strength that got Ramlethal bored, so they begin to interact with each other of their goal and interest and soon Ramlethal will express her emotion facial expression more toward Sasuke. One thing Sasuke will acknowledge is her skill in combat They will have one beautiful daughter.

4.

Toph Bei Fong from Avatar (age up either 16 to 18)

of this image https://twitter.com/jmg_partybean/status/1303709817408610309

credit to JMG

Anyways, Toph is very carefree and very tomboyish, not to mention. She is the best Earth bender. Plus she is adorable. The reason, I want to pair her up with Sasuke, probably I personally think they would be a cute couple. If Toph touch Sasuke's face, she would immediately blush that find him very handsome and cool but that not the reason why she would like him, she like him once Sasuke show his strength that she will be impress and admire him. While Sasuke will discover despite of her tomboyish look and attitude, he find she have feminine side that he find it very attractive and someday will find a cure for her blindness, once her blindness is heal, she will be 10x stronger than she was before. Both got family problem that need to resolve. Both are capable in battle. To be honest, they would have one powerful son.

3.

Hinata Hyuga, from Naruto Shippuden. Oh boy oh boy, I know many will never agree but hey, in the beginning Sasuke and Hinata was my first shipping pair. I ship them so hard, because how much they have in common. Plus, those two were suppose to be engage in arrange marriage. I understand not many people agree but it doesn't matter. I ship who I want to ship. Both got unique eye ability, both have indeed have family issue, both have struggle their own weakness, have very unique design as their color pattern like both have black hair, dark clothes that include purple and blue, and they look traditional. Hinata is the only one who is not a fangirl toward Sasuke. They're both rather introverted, they're originally calm and reserved characters. In headcanon, they both will be introduce each other in young age as they spend time each other as friend. In genin, they develop a strong bond as they have feeling for each other, Hinata will have long hair just like in shippuden. Sasuke will train her to overcome her weakness and Hinata will help Sasuke ease up his pain of his inner dark hatred that she can comfort and understand of what he is going through. In time skip, they would become a couple and since they have come from of their bloodlines, Both come from a notorious and noble clan, and their 3 kids would have crazy abilities. So yeah.

2.

Bea, from Pokemon Sword and Shield. Bea is a bae, must I need to say something else other than she is so cute? Yes? Fine, both want to improve and desire to get better. Bea got stoic emotionless facial expression like Sasuke but show her cute side once she do show emotion. In Headcanon, I really think Bea and Sasuke will be a wonderful couple. Sasuke come from different world get drag by legendary pokemon Arceus into Pokemon world. Sasuke have no idea or where to start of the world of Pokemon, Bea spot Sasuke to ask him for a pokemon battle but Sasuke doesn't know anything about pokemon but he will battle one of her pokemon, Bea will shock and confuse but seem to respect his determination to go along with it, she will use Machoke to battle Sasuke but little did she know that Sasuke quite capable in combat so he stomp Machoke very easily as Bea is surprise yet impress of how strong he is without using any pokemon. So on, Bea help Sasuke and explain the world about Pokemon and shorty she will have feeling for him. Sasuke will reciprocate those feeling toward Bea as well. They will have a very strong daughter.

1.

Sakura Kasugano, from Street Fighter.

Come on now, do I really need to explain why she is number one? She is cute, she is adorable, she is strong, she can cook very well, she have very cheerful personality, cute tomboy that everyone love, best Sakura of all Sakura, she is very determine to get better and stronger, she got beautiful look, she is athletics, and can have a ability to use Satsui no Hado into Sun Burn Sakura. She can brash toward Dan Hibiki just like Sasuke being brash toward Naruto. She is also calm and disciple like Sasuke. You know what, both got something in common, Sakura is being compare like Ryu or Ken same as Sasuke being compare to his older Itachi, however both are strive to be better. In headcanon, Sasuke leave his toxic world behind and enter the world of street fighter. Sakura meet Sasuke for the first time, both immediately fall in love in first sight. I really think Sakura will be the one that can help Sasuke's dark heart of hatred will be heal, they wiil have a wholesome life together. They will have two beautiful child, a son and a daughter.

[feralcherry]

Naruto takes that might enrage you (girl addition)

Warning, some of these takes might enrage you- that’s fine.

Fillers don’t count as canon, don’t even bring them up if you talk about this post lol. Also it’s been a while since I’ve seen the whole series, so some of these might be disproven as I continue with my rewatch. The excuse that Shounen is for boys is also very weak and holds no weight, as tons of girls (and nonbinary folk) relate to the characters in this show, so that doesn’t excuse Kishimoto for his weak writing of women.

To preface, I love this show. Love it to pieces. It was part of my childhood and holds a very special place in my heart. But there are some things I personally don’t like or wish could have been done better. I love every character and will go blue in the face talking about how much I still love this show. That doesn’t free it from my criticism. I’m also only listing what I don’t like and what I would change, though I’d be more than happy making a post about what I loved.

Let’s start off with my girl Sakura Haruno. She is easily the most hated girl in the series, and all because of how ‘weak’ or ‘annoying’ she is. As if that’s not the fault of Kishimoto himself lol. She was shoved off to the side continuously and never given cool storylines, unlike the other members of her team.

What I took issue with about Sakura:

-What were this girls dreams?? The whole reason she became a ninja was never really talked about nor were they really developed as time went on. She was all about Sasuke, which would be fine if she grew out of it. But no. 

-Her crush on Sasuke was super stale. He was handsome and powerful, but what else was there to him? He was a jerk to her most of the time (there are some instances he’s somewhat kind to her, but if we go off canon, it’s not enough to make her deep love make sense). I think it would have been so much more interesting to see her grow out of her infatuation for him. If they had to have ended up together, watching them relearn each other and fall in love would have made them more compelling. She stayed loving a boy who thought very little of her. 

-She’s pitted against her best friend and doesn’t develop much of a relationship with other girls her age. It’s kind of sad, and I think they should have fought over something other than a boy. 

-We are told repeatedly that she’s super powerful by other characters, but she’s never given time to truly shine. She got like a single battle with Sasori and she deserved more cool moments like that!

-She was a healer, which makes perfect sense. But why is it mostly girls who are the healers? It’s a bit weird, when there’s also Neji with his perfect chakra control. She only has her healing abilities and her super strength; but even then someone like Kabuto has more offensive healing based techniques than her. Like his chakra scalpel. 

What I would fix:

-New dreams. Show her find a dream outside of her team and grow into it. Also give her more of a backstory. Sai has more of a backstory than she does and he’s way newer than she is.

-I would let her fuck up one of the Peins instead of Konohomaru- she’s a main character and passed over for that little brat?? She should have gotten to do more than scream out for Naruto and heal people :/ 

-She her intellect a bit more. She’s so smart, and yet we don’t really see it.

-She’s perfect for genjutsu, Kakashi himself said so. So why not give that to her? Or play more with ninjutsu. She has earth and water on her chart, so why not give her those abilities? Maybe even wood jutsu to even her out with her super OP teammates. Idk how, it could have happened, this is a show full of demons and god like abilities, it could have happened someway.

-She should have grown out of Sasuke and not married a man who doesn’t really appreciate her and isn’t there for her at all.

-I would totally have expanded on Inner Sakura more. Imagine if it made her mind impenetrable? Could have woven that in with her skills for genjutsu and made her unaffected by other’s illusions.

Next, let’s go with a more beloved character of the fandom. Hinata. Now personally I don’t care much for her- she could have been so cool but just like Sakura, they kind of messed her up.

What I didn’t like about Hinata:

-Her entire existence is revolves around Naruto. Naruto this, Naruto that- and yet she simply sat back and watched as his life was shit and did nothing despite her ‘love’ for him. And then fillers/movies are added to show that oh wait! she’s been there this entire time!! no lol. Build her up from the start as his love interest at the very least.

-She stayed super meek the entire time. Shy girls are okay, but I wanted to see her grow into herself more and not need as much reassurance. She’s a ninja and should stand on her own two feet more.

-She’s less skilled then Neji and I would have loved to see her outmatch him at some point, even once. Or gain abilities outside of her clan, or do something that made a name for herself outside of being the heiress of the Hyuga.

-She never fixed her clan which was one of her few spoken goals. That was a huge bummer.

-I think it would have been cool to see her mess up Pein a little more. She only stepped in because it was Naruto, which reinforces that she’s only about him. But at least let her land a hit if she’s as powerful as people say she is. 

-She makes the most sense to be a housewife or a healer with the way her attitude is but in Boruto, she’s kind of rewritten to be a ‘scary’ mother which just doesn’t fit her. Plus, she tells Boruto to go and take care of his dad?? Bro, that’s your child and your husband is the hokage. 

What I’d fix:

-Prove her dad wrong and show him that her compassion isn’t a weakness but a strength. 

-Fix the Hyuga clan bs.

-More character growth and showing more of her life away from Naruto. Her romance with him could also have been better. I hated her always watching him but never standing up for him, it kills me.

-Neij dying for her proved their clans hierarchy bs to be right and it just doesn’t make sense for him to die for her. It showed that he was right to feel caged and that he simply existed for the benefit of the Main family.

Now with the others, there’s much less I have to say about them because they aren’t main characters or the love interests.

Ino-

-Jealous of Sakura, no dreams of her own, stupidly loves Sasuke and for what? WHAT’S SO COOL ABOUT HIM?

-I like her growth for the most part, it was cool watching her fight in the War Arc with her team. 

-Why is she the medical ninja? I never got that.

-She got with Sai but they didn’t really show their development and how they fell in love with each other. It’s like she only likes him because he looks like Sasuke and called her pretty once.

Tenten-

-Should have gotten to train with Tsunade at some point, since she was the one who originally idolized her. 

-We know nothing about this girl at all. She doesn’t even have a last name.

-Her weapon usage was meant to be so cool and yet she missed so often- there’s a disconnect there. Her abilities could have been built up more. Imagine if no matter what she never ever missed. That would have been cool.

-Her weapon shop isn’t doing well. Just because it’s an era of peace doesn’t mean the need for weapons is totally over, not if there are still active ninja??

Karin-

-I actually like her, she’s kind of funny and I like that she’s mean even if she can get annoying.

-Again, another healer, though she’s also sensory which is more interesting. I’d like to see her with some jutsus though. That would have been neat.

-Her love for Sasuke makes sense since he saved her and smiled at her, making her think of him as her hero. And she’s the only one he apologizes to without Naruto strong arming him into it.

Temari-

-She’s pretty solid in my opinion. Though I would have loved to see her more without her brothers.

Konan-

-Her goals in life were to support Yahiko and Nagito’s dreams. It would irritate me so much if other girls in the series were more well rounded and din’t also have some sort of dream involving a boy.

-She was underused. I would have loved to see her fight more.

Tsunade-

-Only becomes hokage to support others dreams...All of them men. And then later passes the title onto Kakashi who doesn’t even want to be Hokage either. 

-No other justus used, she’s on par with Jiraya and Orochimaru and yet she’s only super strong and the best medic. She should theoretically be more well rounded than that, right? She also should be shown fighting more even if she’s a medic, she’s also s legendary sannin 

-Had to be saved by 12 year old Naruto. I know it’s a show about him, but she’s meant to be a literal badass but needs a kid to save her.

Kushina-

-Wanted to become the first woman hokage and then didn’t. Her husband did. and then she became a housewife?? What?? She should have become the first woman hokage with a badass husband or had another prominent role in the village like as a council member or something.

Kurenai-

-Always lost a fight? She’s some genjutsu using badass but always lost fights.

-No real personality, she’s just chilling there. Sexy as hell though. Has a kid and that’s about it.

-What I will give her is that I’m so glad she was allowed to age. So many anime mothers always look the same as their teenage self and she looks like she can be anybody's mama.

Over all, the girls could have been handled much better. I wouldn’t find issues with any of them being housewives or all about boys if that weren’t what seems to be the standard in the anime. I just wanted more of a variety and better character development, especially for Sakura and Hinata who are the mains 😩

Now to what might REALLY piss people off- ships! I’m not trying to start some war here, this is just my opinion and you can take it or leave it.

Sakura- Naruto, since they had the most development and showed more than two seconds of caring for each other. Even Sai in Shippuden has more of a connection to Sakura than Sasuke did.

Ino-Shikamaru, if she had to end up with a guy it makes sense it’d be him since they spend more time together than her and Sai did. (inosaku for the win tho)

Hinata-Shino or Kiba, again, because they spent more time with her. Naruto and her felt very rushed and I don’t quite understand the appeal.

The one that made the most sense and became canon was Shikatem, though their son’s design was lazy :D 

If I do a second part, it’ll be about the boys and the ships with them that made sense to me. For now, this is all I have. If you’ve made it this far, thank you lol

byeee

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

If Lily and Lenin had a child what do you suppose it would look like? (I'm very much looking forward to seeing the Egg from "Wearing the faces of men" hatch) Would Lenin even want to have children? Or would it be an Oopise? PS: I ship those two so much, you literally have no idea. I really hope that your main work has a happy ending (because I'm a basic bitch) but I would honestly just love reading it however it ends

Isn’t that the question of the hour?

So, first things first. It’s funny that you bring up the Lily/Lenin children scenario because for most of the other pairings I’ve written Lee/Lily with I have a very good idea of what this kids look like/their personalities/etc. 

Lee and Minato, a daughter named either Naruto or Hari depending if Kushina’s in the picture, because neither of them have any imagination. Looks and acts a lot like Minato, has Lee’s hair texture and some of her facial features.

Lee and Obito, well, for reasons called potential spoilers for “Finishing the Hat” I won’t get into it, but take my word for it that I know what the children are like almost embarrassingly well. 

Lily and Wizard Lenin though, honestly, that’s for some reason harder for me to picture and I can’t quite explain why. And it’s not the pairing, clearly, they’re the main deal in “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus”, they’re just hard to picture. But let’s try, it’ll be an adventure for all of us.

First, the easier question, does Wizard Lenin want children? No. First, being immortal, he has a) no need for a legacy/immortality in the form of children and b) he’s guaranteed to outlive said children unless they pull some seriously gnarly shit. I think having an heir would be the most compelling argument but since he intends to live and rule the world forever what’s the point of that? It’d just give everyone the wrong idea. Worse, the kid might get the wrong idea and try to kill him to take the throne. And then there’d have to be an execution and it’d all get very messy. 

More than that though, he would completely panic at the idea of fatherhood. He never had any family of his own, basically raised himself (and did a craptastic job at that), and has no idea what good fathers even do. More, he knows exactly how difficult he was as a child and teenager (especially since being forced to confront Wizard Trotsky). The idea of having to deal with a young Tom Riddle himself? He’d probably laugh and then he’d cry. 

Then of course, while Wizard Lenin is above such things as attachment to other human beings, I think he’d recognize that having this squishy, mortal thing, that will inevitably die while he reigns the cosmos would be really depressing. And if they have kids you’d get this long line of descendants to which Wizard Lenin is this weird ageless god uncle. Can you imagine those family reunions? Yikes.

So children for Wizard Lenin would definitely be an “oopsie”. An “oopsie” likely involving a copious amount of alcohol, suppressed feelings, and a much older Lily.

I picture maybe fifty or sixty years in the hypothetical future where everything goes Wizard Lenin’s way and he and Lily get over their current tiff. Wizard Lenin’s still ageless and Lily’s now a creepy adult who’s stopped aging and looks like an elf from Lord of the Rings. He’s been ruling forever, it’s boring, all his original followers are dead and his second generation followers (i.e. Draco Malfoy) are old men, and now becoming a Death Eater is a prestigious competitive ridiculous thing for eager eyed youngsters. Lily wanders the world/cosmos, is on speed dial but tries not to make messes too often for Wizard Lenin (which is hard because he now rules everything), and is desperately trying to keep busy despite the fact that she has nothing to do. Lily’s his pretty much wife except he’s never married her because god emperors don’t need wives (unless, of course, he got tired of people trying to get him to marry wizarding nobility and he just couldn’t take it anymore). They reminisce about the good old days, Wizard Lenin probably confess that it was a lot more fun chasing the car than actually reaching the car, Lily probably talks about all the traumatizing adventures she’s had with robots, alcohol gets involved, then unprotected sex then, SURPRISE!

But anyways, right, what the children look like.

First, we have the “what the fuck” option that always must be considered when mating with a god. Lily could give birth to herself in a very traumatizing experience for both her and Wizard Lenin. It could be just a giant ball of mysterious light. It could be Rabbit. It could be some mysterious green eyed shadow blob that eats children. It could just be a regular mysterious blob. It could be The Key/Dawn Summers and look/act like a perfectly normal child until Wizard Lenin discovers it’s actually something so horrifying and inhuman it’s been disguised as a human child by monks with too much time on their hands.

But let’s take this a little more seriously/get to what you were probably asking me for. Though the “what the fuck” option is always a hilarious one to consider. 

So appearance, the hair’s probably going to take after Wizard Lenin’s in color just because of how genetics work. They could have anywhere from auburn to black hair. I’m going to go with auburn because I enjoy red. It’s probably thick and probably curly. 

Eyes are probably going to be anywhere from green to blue but more likely to be blue for similar reasons. 

Since Wizard Lenin and Lily are both ungodly pale creatures the kids, sadly, will not be able to tan. However, being Wizard Lenin’s children and the heirs to his empire, they’re probably not allowed to do anything so pedantic as tan. 

My first thought was that any kid should not be good looking. They should have all the right bone structure, thick eyelashes, hair, etc. to be good looking but too much of Lily’s intrinsic weird seeps in and you just get these kids who look like they should have walked out of “Children of the Corn”. 

But since I promised we’d stray from the “what the fuck” option they’d likely be very good looking kids. Wizard Lenin’s gorgeous and I always imagine Lily grows up to be a very attractive adult.

But descriptions are boring, I can doodle.

Let’s say that the “oopsie” produces a set of twins. 

First, we have the daughter, who clearly takes a lot after Lily both in appearance and personality.

Likely, when Wizard Lenin got over his existential/fatherhood crisis he and Lily bickered for months over names. Both are convinced the other is terrible at naming children. Both of them are right.

In the end I imagine they flip coins for who gets the middle name vs. first name.

Wizard Lenin wins the coin toss and we get: Mab Luthien Riddle

Mab at first is a plucky young girl but shifts into a moody teenager. Despite being powerful she’s well aware that she has two monolith reputations to live up to: Wizard Lenin and Lily’s. More, she clearly has a role for her to live out and fill and she wants some independence! This causes a lot of teen angst.

She goes from wearing very expensive wizarding robes to whatever the equivalent of hipster is in the distant future. I just stuck her in plaid with shades because I have no imagination. 

She gets sorted into Gryffindor, because anyone who’s willing to be a punk to Wizard Lenin has guts. This, of course, is terrible for everyone. However, especially for Wizard Lenin, because can you imagine him dealing with a teenage daughter?

Second, we have a son, who has the K-pop/Legolas/Sasuke pretty boy good looks that have fourteen year old girls scribbling hearts with their names together in notebooks and writing some seriously bad fanfiction.

Continuing on with the atrocious/nerd name theme we have: Mordred Beren Riddle

He’s a far more sensitive soul, to the point where everyone wonders how the hell he fits into this disaster family/came from two giant assholes. Regardless, he is, he tries his best to please his father and live up to expectations. So he keeps his fancy robes, cries thanks to Wizard Lenin’s mean words, and eventually gets sorted into Hufflepuff.

Thanks to his sensitive nature and good looks he’s the tween heart throb of Hogwarts. His sister is dying.

These are all hypothetical kids of course. If I ever were to write something involving Lily and Wizard Lenin’s kids, I’m not sure it’d be these two that show up (in fact I’m 99% sure it won’t be).

But I hope you guys had as much fun on this brain storming journey as I did.

As for that happy ending in the main story, well, I think it’s happy. Whether the rest of you will agree with me I’ll leave to the end of the story. Whenever we get there.

[minaa-munch]

of Cake and Cream - Team Flake Edition

Two layers of exquisite vanilla and peach sponge, coated with a generous amount of buttercream icing that consisted of crushed sakura and momo no hana petals. Candied petals adorned the top and the sides with an artistic flair, while soft, perfect swirls of buttercream bordered the edges. The cake on its own, was like an edible jewel put on a wooden stand. 

The swirl in the middle glistened with fresh strawberry puree that had been mixed with a tinge of caramel. It was still fresh, so one could see the pinpricks of strawberry seeds that had been left on purpose.

Obito wanted to poke it so badly. Charcoal hues kept straying towards it while their sensei spoke. 

“Rin and I need to make a quick trip to the Medical Corps for a report she submitted.” The blond was in his usual, blue uniformed attire, though without the hitaite. Besides him, Rin was winding a scarf around her shoulders. 

“We’ll be back soon.” Minato may as well have been talking solely to Kakashi, since the Uchiha was too busy ogling the treat that looked divine (and probably tasted just as well, seeing as how talented the Jōnin and Rin were in the kitchen). It was good enough, since Kakashi kept nodding like the solemn little shinobi he was while Obito hummed on periodic intervals to indicate that he was listening. 

Sorta. Maybe if he poked the tip of the swirly thingy—

“I’m counting on you.” He snapped to attention just as blue hues slid towards him, “Both of you. Make sure Kushina doesn’t come here. Stall her if you have to.” 

“Hai, sensei” The duo responded, with Obito raising two fingers in a salute for good measure, “You can count on me!” 

Satisfied, Minato turned to Rin, gesturing for her to follow. The Iryō nin smiled, but it slid off the minute his back was turned. Brown hues narrowed at her teammates in warning, which was probably more effective than their sensei’s words. 

I’m always watching you, neh?

Both boys immediately straightened - and promptly stayed that way until her lingering gaze had disappeared out the door. 

“About time they left.” Kakashi was the first to speak. Pale fingers rubbed an exposed part of his left arm; a wound had scabbed over recently and it was annoyingly itchy. Rin had given him some ointment to deal with it, but it wasn’t that cumbersome. Besides, it would take more than a scrape to put him out of commission. 

At the moment though, he didn’t know what bothered him more - the fact that he had yet to hear about his Jōnin promotion or that he had been assigned a C rank mission with the sole crybaby of the team. He was perfectly capable of protecting his sensei’s loud girlfriend’s birthday surprise.

Speaking of - dark hues flickered to the Uchiha, slapping his hand from where he was about to poke one of the perfect cream swirls. “Sensei said not to touch anything, baka.”  

But it looks so…fluffy. “What are you, my grandma?” Obito grumbled, rubbing his slightly pink fingers. Trust the Hatake to act like an old lady, since he projected a particularly grumpy old man half the time. 

Ah but who was he kidding? Most of the old people he knew (which were a lot) were nice and polite. Kakashi was, simply put, a jerk. “Ne, you think sensei and Kushina nee will get married?” There was a curious tilt in his tone, before his attention was once again captured by the delicate, rosy swirls decorating the top layer, “I mean..I hear we’re almost at war anyways.”

“Sensei can’t be that stupid.” his friend’s reply was instantaneous, and not without a barely hidden scoff, “He’s a Jōnin and a Hokage candidate…that loud girlfriend of his will only hinder his performance as a shinobi.”

“Ano…don’t you think you’re being a little harsh?”

“Well, there’s a reason why you’re still a Chunin and I’m practically a Jōnin.”

Jerk. “You’re not a Jōnin yet, Bakashi.” Obito snapped, one finger successfully managing to swipe just a sliver of icing which was promptly deposited on the unsuspecting Hatake’s face, “Besides, doubt you’ll be a Jōnin with reflexes like that.”

“Oi, you weren’t supposed to touch that” Kakashi hissed, rubbing the offending wetness away with the back of his palm before grey hues narrowed a fraction at his idiot teammate, “this is a mission, baka. Would it kill you to follow the rules for once?” 

“I was careful” Came an all-too sunny reply, though the tell tale icing on his own cheek suggested otherwise, “Besides, its your fault.”

“Is not”

“Is too”

Arguing more was pointless - especially where the Uchiha was concerned. Instead, Kakashi decided on his patented glower which was met with a splatter of cream, courtesy one twirling wooden spoon between said Uchiha’s fingers – who was currently laughing his behind off. Normally, it wouldn’t be enough to faze the Hatake - his opponents had laughed at him before, primarily because of how small he was. Kakashi never failed to make them eat dirt later. 

But this was Obito and he was an idiot who knew just the right buttons to push. Pale digits curled into fists as a peach flush tinged his features (he was not pouting). Grey hues caught a bowl of leftover cream and it didn’t take him long to scoop a generous amount and send it careening towards Obito.

The splatter was satisfying, and clearly, an invitation for war. Needless to say, by the time their relatively chipper teammate returned, the kitchen was in shambles (polite term). A fine layer of cream coated most of the counter and splattered the shoddy kitchen appliances. A stick of butter had found its way in a pot of coffee, whereas the leftover strawberries formed a sticky mess on the floor; and a particularly sloppy mush of fruit and leftover icing in which the Hatake was rubbing Obito’s goggled face in.

The cake, surprisingly, had been left intact, which was a good thing seeing as how Rin had been contemplating turning her teammates into cake batter if they ruined their (her and sensei’s, of course) hard work. The Iryō nin could only watch from the doorway as the two boys clawed at each other. Resisting the urge to sigh like the all suffering adult she was, the Nohara instead cleared her throat, soft features already set in a frown, “What are you two doing?” 

Freeze (though Obito still managed to pull Kakashi’s bangs in a final, feeble gesture). “I-its not what it looks like, Rin chan.” Obito stammered from where his cheek was pressed against the sticky tile. Arms flailing, he tried to push the Hatake off and failed, “Ah mou! Its his fault!”

Kakashi practically bristled (it was less intimidating because of the squished strawberry oozing down his forehead) and in one smooth movement, had the Uchiha’s arm twisted in a classic lock behind his back, “A good shinobi doesn’t lie, baka.”

“Get off you freaky little gremlin!” Obito’s fingers spasmed uselessly in his hold and Rin couldn’t help but thank the fates that she had convinced their sensei to make a detour to the supermarket for a few ingredients. He would be so disappointed.

Speaking of– “Guys, quit it already. Sensei will be back any minute.” The Nohara unwound the scarf from around her shoulders before gingerly stepping inside. Normally, Rin was the more careful of the three, though the floor was sticky and cream had somehow managed to get everywhere. 

Unfortunately for her, she wasn’t aware of the entirety of ‘everywhere’ - no sooner had she stepped in did her foot slip on a splatter of broken egg and sugar. Arms flailing, the poor Iryō nin stumbled, hands finding little purchase against the slippery counter before crashing against her teammates with a soft whump. 

“Ow”

“Rin chan, are you okay? Get off her Bakashi!”

“I’m not on her, idiot.” Kakashi hissed through the flush decorating his face (or could be the leftover strawberry, it was hard to tell). The poor Hatake was smaller than the other two, and had conveniently been sandwiched between them - and if that wasn’t mortifying enough for a Jōnin, he didn’t know what was.

Well…almost Jōnin. Either way – pale digits pushed her off (though not before elbowing the loud idiot by accident) before he clambered off his filthy teammate’s back. Grey hues narrowed at the dirty tiles before flickering to Rin, just as the girl caught the table’s ledge, causing it - and the pastry - to tip precariously. Kakashi opened his mouth to warn her, but the cake tumbled before his words did.

Maa…what a waste.

The resounding crash, along with her squeal, was loud enough to make him cringe. By that point, Obito had gotten up with a hand on his abused cheek, dark orbs set in a patented Uchiha deadpan before the noise prompted him to turn. 

And…well, quake like a little scuttle bug because Rin looked murderous (and kind of cute - but mostly murderous) with the bottom half of their hard earned labor awkwardly squashed against the top of her head. If their circumstances had been any different, he would have compared it to a fancy old lady’s hat, you know, the kind with feathers on it?  

Except this one was edible and the owner’s eyes were welling up with tears – angry tears, mind you - but tears, nevertheless. “Ano…” The Uchiha swallowed as Rin wordlessly, yet carefully, removed the cake from her head, mindful of the ruined bottom half, “It…looks better this way?” He added, creeping slowly yet surely behind his younger teammate. 

Wrong answer, if the murderous gaze directed their way was any indication. Both boys blanched, and Obito had the good sense to whimper as the Nohara launched herself at them with a barely concealed snarl. Cue a pandemonium which involved more sticks of butter, broken egg shells and what was left of the cream and icing - amidst Obito’s yelling of course. The cake, their collective pride and joy, was lost in the fray; its top half stuck to the ceiling while the other half found itself splattered around the walls in haste.

There may have been a stray, poorly attempted wind jutsu thrown in for good measure, which would certainly explain why an egg shell flew out the window with the speed of a kunai, only to land against the ground like a sad, lonesome martyr. It just so happened that a certain Namikaze had been making his way back by the time it had chosen to sacrifice itself, and had almost stepped on it by accident. Blue hues blinked at it curiously, almost slowly, before following its trajectory which…

Wait, was that his kitchen window? Minato flickered to the Hiraishin seal he had placed in his living room without a second thought. Depositing the bags on the floor, he quickly dashed towards the kitchen, fingers already pulling out one of his signature kunai because they were on the brink of war as it were. Not that he sensed any alien chakra signatures, but one could never be too careful. 

Besides, his kids were in there. Kunai raised in his usual stance, Minato paused at the door, expecting an Iwa rogue–

Only to find three pre-teens locked in a battle to the death with – a whisk? Rin had her arms around her struggling teammates - okay, maybe that was just Obito. Kakashi hung in her grip, as if resigned to his fate with a deadpan that could rival Fugaku’s. All three of them were splattered with an assortment of cream and squished fruit, and— Kami, what had happened to his kitchen?! He could barely discern the cream from the walls and the numerous splatters of broken eggs and sugar. Some of it had found its way on the ceiling too, if the steady drip of something over the door frame was anything to go by. 

All in all, a war torn mess. It would have been impressive if he wasn’t so horrified.  

The cake was nowhere to be found; though it was safe to assume that its splattered remains decorated the walls with the rest of his wayward ingredients. If he had been a lesser shinobi, he would have turned towards the heavens and asked why - why. 

But, as it turns out, he was a Jōnin sensei and had conveniently lost his ability to delve on his emotions, let alone express them as well as certain others (coughKushinamaybeInoichicough). So instead of repeatedly bashing his head against the nearest wall like a part of him wanted to, he did what any responsible sensei would - allow a sliver of his chakra, tinged with the barest of killing intent, to announce his presence.

It worked like a charm. Rin and Obito froze (Kakashi merely grunted), as the three watched their sensei step into the kitchen, sandals making an odd crunch (probably another egg shell) as he did. Minato’s gaze never left theirs as he approached, his narrowed hues a clear indication of his displeasure.

He wasn’t…that angry. Truth to be told, making another cake was hardly cumbersome work – what bothered him was the fact that he had given them one job. It didn’t even matter who was at fault; their teamwork was clearly amiss. Blond brows furrowed at the thought, and he stopped a few steps shy of the still tangled trio, “What have you got to say for yourselves?” 

Pause. At least they had the decency to look embarrassed - Rin in particular, looked like she was on the verge of tears and Minato couldn’t help but feel some of his annoyance ebb away. The Nohara was a seldom acknowledged soft spot, primarily because she was the most well behaved of the three. 

“A-ano…sensei” Obito spluttered, prompting the man to pause. The poor Uchiha barely had time to flounder a hand towards the ceiling before the creamy layer of what had been the cake lost its hold with a soft squelch.

And fell. Right on their sensei; Konoha’s Kiiroi Senkō, current Hokage candidate in opposition to Orochimaru of the Densetsu Sanin.

“…”

To the pastry’s credit, it was probably the only projectile the Yellow Flash had been unable to dodge and would probably go down in history as such. Buttercream frosting, along with what could be considered flecks of vanilla sponge, decorated blond hair and blue, clothed shoulders. The Namikaze raised a solitary palm just as a particularly creamy glop of ruined cake slid down his fringe, splattering against tan digits almost like a work of abstract art. 

Meep. Rin’s arms around their shoulders tightened just as icy blue hues met their own and Obito forgot how to breathe. 

“You three.” 

Said three collectively squeaked. 

EPILOGUE: 

In the end, the three were made to clean the kitchen - with their sensei eventually joining them out of sheer guilt (he couldn’t stay mad at them for more than seven minutes - today was a new record at the ten minute mark). Kushina found out, of course, and made enough pastry related jokes to put everyone at ease. 

Except Kakashi. He didn’t want to admit that her jokes were actually funny. 

With Kushina’s birthday surprise thoroughly ruined; they had to go to Ichiraku’s to celebrate. Needless to say, Minato’s wallet (apart from one legendary cake that will forever be remembered) suffered the most that day. 

@konohagakurekakashi @strawberry-medic

[cywscross]

got any f/f fic recs?

Okay so apparently not Final Fantasy but femslash. I’m stupid, sorry. Uhh I don’t read that many femslash compared to slash but I can name some:

NARUTO

Sing as their bones go marching in again by felinedetached  (Sakura/Ino)

Instead, it goes like this: Haruno Sakura is the daughter of two civilians, from civilian families. She is nothing and no one—smart, yes, top kunoichi, yes, but she will never be on par with clan kids. She is teammates to an orphan powerhouse from a dead clan and the last remaining Uchiha.

Haruno Sakura is nothing and nobody, but she breathes and grows and thrives and the forest thrives with her.

(She opens her eyes to wood, grown from nothing, and Hatake Kakashi stares in disbelief at the tree where his student used to be.)

Or, Haruno Sakura should have had the goddamn Mokuton and this author is mad.

No one there to shame me for my youth by felinedetached  (Sakura/Ino)

What she hadn’t expected was to be what is apparently next in line for Kakashi’s position—although, she supposes it was inevitable—or for the nurses at the hospital to look at her with such adoration.

Sakura’s not complaining, she just hadn’t expected it.

(She’s the medic on a team of powerhouses, the backline fighter to Naruto and Sasuke’s brilliance, and she never thought it would be her people looked at like this.)

But it is her; and as she gets glances and propositions from both civilian and ninja, from male and female alike, she wonders.

The Fair Maiden by Tozette  (Sakura/Ino)

Basically: Princess Ino has been kidnapped by the terrible dragon Sakura! Brave knights Chouji and Shikamaru must rescue her from the fearsome beast. It... does not go entirely as expected.

The Shinobi version of Pride by grit (Sakura/Hinata/Karin)

The coffee sways dangerously.

“Why,” Sakura interrupts, before the chaos can get any worse, “are you in my kitchen?”

every fire is a lesson learned by blackkat (Konan/Sakura)

Just when Konan has lost hope, she meets a hero.

three birds watch and the fourth flies by grit  (Minato!Sakura/Kushina)

There's a legend in her hands like clay, so she must work hard to be formidable, to be everything he was and she isn't, because what if she screws up the future, selfish enough to make space for her own?

She pours over heaps of sealing scrolls and tries not to think too hard on what happens if she fails.

Or: Timid Minato but this time around, she's Sakura.

throw it my way (all the love you keep) by amako  (Sakura/Ino)

The crux of the matter is: they don't have a Hokage, the one that could be Hokage is sharing a Moment with his soulmate or whatever, and when asked to take the mantle again, Tsunade had broken a few bones. Not hers, obviously.

will to live by justdoityoufucker  (Sakura/Ino)

Sakura joins the ANBU. The entire world seems a little tilted after that, but they all adapt.

Bumpy Future by Dovey (Sakura/Hinata)

It's her last year at the academy when Sakura hits her head. When she wakes up, she has a little trouble matching memories to the people in them- but she'll have to get it right eventually, yeah?

in which sakura pairs vague associations with the wrong people, and everyone is much happier because of it (Except Iruka-sensei).

the Rebel ‘verse by felinedetached (Sakura/Ino)

(Three things come after that:

The moment of realisation. The moment she realises Sasuke’s left the village, gone off to do who knows what with Orochimaru-

Her memory returns to her - she was useless against her teammate; taken down by a pressure point and unable to do anything to prevent him from getting at it.

Inner rages, throws herself around, cursing and screaming until finally, finally she calms and she says Uchiha Sasuke is a traitor.)

In which Sakura gets the character development she deserved.

shattered dreams into rhapsodies by blackkat (Kushina/Mikoto)

For the prompt "I’m a monster/guardian that the local village give sacrifices too and you’re the new sacrifice but don’t worry I won’t eat you, I’m kinda lonely"

-0-

HARRY POTTER

Four Walls (And the Right People) by blackkat (Lily/Narcissa)

“Is coming in there going to make me lose my will to live?” Lily calls, amused.

“No!” Harry protests, wounded, like she and Narcissa haven’t previously walked in on structural damage, fires, flooding, and mysteriously conjured cat-sized dragons. Sirius has been a terrible influence on them.

the girl who lived (again) by dirgewithoutmusic (trans!Harry/Ginny)

Molly tried her best. When Harry had told them, Arthur had asked excitedly, "is this a Muggle thing?" Hermione had hurried out a "no!" and a frantic history of gender diversity in the wizarding world.

"It's just that I'm a girl," Harry had said, and Arthur had nodded and asked her about how telephone booths worked. He would call her by the right pronouns until the day he died at the respectable old age of one hundred and thirty three, and he would make it seem easy.

But Molly had to try. Hermione explained things faster and higher-pitched every time Molly messed up a pronoun. Molly frowned and muttered and put extra potatoes on Harry's plate at breakfast. Harry slept in Ron's room, which didn't bother either of them but which made Hermione scowl.

Harry got boxes of sweets and warm hugs, as Molly chewed things over. For her fifteenth Christmas, the Weasley sweater she would receive would be a bright, friendly, terrible pink.

The next time Harry visited, Molly put her on Ginny's floor to sleep-- for some definition of sleep that involved Hermione hissing threats at three in the morning if Harry and Ginny didn't "shut up about Wronski feints, do you know what time it is."

-0-

GAME OF THRONES

When Warp Is Fire And Weft Is Ice by afterandalasia  (Dany/Sansa)

People tell many stories about them, the Mother of Dragons and the Queen in the North.

Some of them even have a grain of truth in them.

a strangeness of sunlight by musicforswimming  (Dany/Sansa)

Someone calls Sansa home, and sets her free in doing so.

Ivory and Dragonglass by madeinessos  (Rhaenys/Sansa)

For the valar-morekinks prompt on livejournal: "Rhaeneys follows in her father's footsteps when she and Sansa run away together to the free cities so they can be with each other . Both ladies left a letter to their families so that their absence wouldn't spark the embers of another rebellion."

Sansa in Dorne by sear  (Arianne/Sansa)

Alayne Stone wakes confused, in the body of the young maid she once was. She has returned to Winterfell, before everything went wrong. All she wants now is to be free, to never be hurt again. Dorne will give her that.

Mirror of the sun by myrish_lace (Dany/Sansa)

Daenerys arrives at Winterfell to attempt to treat with Jon Snow. She's immediately side-tracked by her fascination with Sansa Stark, and the two grow closer. Told from Daenerys's point of view.

-0-0-

And these are genderswap femslash, in case you’re not a fan:

TEEN WOLF

Utterly Appropriate by wynnebat  (Peter/Stiles)

There's only one person whom Stiles would marry, and whoever has asked for her hand isn't on that list.

Spin a Web of Silk by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)  (Peter/Stiles)

“Darling, will you marry me?”

Stiles stared into the eyes of the light of her life, the one who held her heart- her love.

And then she looked back at the man who had asked the question.

“Yes.”

Sugar Babies Not Sugar Vaginas by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)  (Peter/Stiles)

Stiles is a copywriter working for a service that's been contacted by a company that sells something called Passion Dust. It's so much worse than it sounds.

Free Birth Control by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)  (Peter/Stiles)

“I can’t believe they haven’t fixed the footbridge yet,” Peter said, disgruntled as she toweled off her feet, getting all the muck from the creek off of them.

“I can,” Talia said absently as she shelled peas on the front porch. “The only people who use that bridge are you, Stilinski, and Stilinski’s clients. And Stilinski does her best to avoid clients. Did you hear what she did to the woman who took out the bridge?” Talia settled further back into her chair. Peter immediately recognized it as Gossip Position, and leaned in eagerly.

“No, tell me everything.”

Ain't No Stranger (Been This Way Before) by pibroch (littleblackdog)  (Peter/Stiles)

Stiles loved orgasms, and she really loved the shuddery, mind-numbing orgasms Peter had spent months meticulously and enthusiastically learning to coax out of her. She also loved the relief from cramps she’d get from a good climax or four, and Peter had no complaints about blood. Definitely a win-win, all around. - Stiles has a period from hell, and Peter has a surprise.

On The Loose by SmartKIN (Peter/Stiles)

Stiles has a job to do; Hot Lady Sniper almost ruins it for her.

The Same Damn Hunger by Twisted_Mind (Allison/Stiles)

There’s no soft jazz, no flower petals or candles, because that’s not what this is.

-0-

MARVEL

Mightier Than The Sword by aloneintherain (Johnny/Peter)

Janey Storm freezes in the doorway.

Pen is half naked. Her boney, freckled shoulders and the faded sports bra she’s had since high school are on display. Bruises from this morning’s encounter with the Scorpion haven’t had time to heal yet—purples and sickly greens tesselate over her ribs and toned stomach.

Janey can see every unedited part of Pen: her open knuckles, blood a sharp red against her pale skin; her unbrushed hair, grown out past Pen’s jaw like a tangle of weeds; her loose jeans, slung low on her hips, with fraying ends and ripped knees. Janey stands there and sees Pen Parker, a half naked, wide-eyed girl choking on her heart.

“It’s occupied,” Pen manages.

--

Or: a universe where Johnny and Peter were born girls.

-0-

YOWAMUSHI PEDAL

One For The Road by Atropa Belladonna (WorldsJunk) (Onoda/Arakita)

Fuck her entire life on a cactus she’s a fucking loser. Not because Onoda’s boobs are bigger than her’s - ok, they’ve always been. Actually, everyone has bigger tits than she does, she is flat as hell and she likes it. Why the hell would she want a couple of Shinkai-style jugs waving around in the wind when she’s riding for fucks’s sakes, that’s impractical as all fuck. No, Arakita is a loser because now she can’t stop thinking about Onoda-chan’s tits and no way she is perving like this on an innocent girl that is all around too good for the likes of her.

[cyb-by-lang]

Shell Game (16/?)

Kei debates the merit of drawing attention to herself, then decides to do it anyway.

The Sports Festival.

Kei had some serious mixed feelings.

On one hand: Legal freedom to use her “Quirk” to get ahead! As long as her Water ninjutsu could be successfully manipulated with enough flexibility to accomplish the task. And in the middle fiddly bits, Kei could punch people.

On the other: A media circus literally inconceivable in the world she’d spent her life in up until this point. The entire world’s eyes were on a bunch of high schoolers and their superpowers, with all the scrutiny that implied. And Kei was a sleeper agent.

On a third hand, possibly generated from Wood Release and flipping everyone off: There was a non-zero chance someone from home could see the competition. Obito and Kakashi would be off patrolling Hosu to make up for Kei being anchored to the UA event, but that still left people like Hayate, but Sensei’s demands since the USJ clusterfuck had included recordings in formats Konoha could process. So, with that thought in mind, Kei had to make any performance good enough not to embarrass the hell out of her team. She had no doubt whatsoever that Sensei, Kushina, and Naruto would get that chance, not to mention her teammates and all her friends. And the UA teachers had all seen her entrance video, so that was just a bit more pressure to not choke horribly with more cameras in play.

“You’ll have to be more passionate, more fiery, than anybody else there if you want to catch the audience’s eye!” Kayama-sensei had told them all, during announcements the day before. Which, given the general air of immediate deflation that swept across the room—with the only bastions of hope being Kei, Shinsō, and the two overworked class representatives Shingetsu Fukurō (Quirk: Head Rotation) and Homura Yui (Quirk: Fire Hair), didn’t seem to help much.

She tried, though.

It wasn’t until later that Kayama-sensei tracked Kei down and had a chance to chat with her, specifically.

“I know you have your own decisions to make,” Kayama-sensei said, with her flogging whip resting against one hip, “and that you’re possibly one of the least-passionate students I’ve ever had—”

She was hardly wrong.

“—but while I am going to be the chief umpire, I want to see you do your best out there. You and Shinsō-kun have been working hard, haven’t you?”

Kei blinked.

Kayama-sensei had seen Shinsō and Kei leave school together a few times. There was also a real chance the principal had told her about the bank robbers. And Kei had made a point of paying attention for the last week or so, which she was sure the other teachers would have noticed. She’d even asked questions. Such unheard-of developments made news headlines around the world.

“Yeah, I…” Kei scratched the bottom end of her scar, a little embarrassed. “Sort of? It’s been an interesting few weeks.”

“You were a little closed off before, but I understand why.” Nonetheless, Kayama-sensei winked and gave her a thumbs-up. “I’m glad you’re coming out of your shell, though! Kids your age need to live a little.”

“Thanks, Kayama-sensei. I think.”

That was an unfortunate pun.

Considering she’s in on this scheme, I think it’s perfect.

Ugh.

As a result of regulations and support items the Hero course students would otherwise have access to, what with being heroes and having costumes and shit, everyone in the UA Sports Festival was competing in their gym uniforms. Kei changed in the girl’s locker room with the rest and emerged into the waiting area while still picking at her sleeves for loose ends. Using chakra scalpels to cut the threats off was probably a waste of the precision Kei had worked years to gain, but waste not, want not.

She was still fussing with them when Shinsō stepped forward, because it was easier than worrying about what her boys were up to in Hosu. Leaving her phone in the provided locker went against about five different impulses.

“You seem nervous,” Shinsō commented, though he didn’t seem all that worried.

“Not about this,” Kei replied, finally giving up on her shirtsleeves and sighing. “Everyone back home’s gonna see me in this tournament.”

“…Is that a bad thing?”

Kei pinched the bridge of her nose. “Only if I lose badly.”

Shinsō made a noise that might’ve been a laugh, making Kei glance at him. “With an attitude like that…”

“If I lose to the explosion kid, I will never hear the end of it.” Kei sighed. “Ever.”

“Why’s that? He’s supposed to be the top contender out of all the first-years.” Shinsō, she noted, hadn’t tried to redirect her vague challenge to him. Maybe he was being more mature now, but Kei didn’t count on it. “Everyone’s aiming at that punk.”

That was a fairly long explanation. And it involved revealing that the explosion kid wasn’t the only person who’d ever blown something up by touching it with destructive intent. Kei probably hadn’t been making her contact explosives for as long as Bakugō Katsuki had been a hazard to public property, but she knew that kind of attack. That kind of pattern.

And best of all, that kid wasn’t using fūinjutsu.

Kei beckoned Shinsō slightly closer, so the two of them were slightly off in a corner of the room, then decided partial truth was bound to be funnier than an outright lie. She whispered, “I once blew up my teacher when I was thirteen.”

In that moment, Shinsō could have been carved out of granite.

“He shouldn’t have taught me how to make the stuff I used, and anyway he was fine. Teleportation Quirk,” Kei said, before Shinsō could look any more alarmed. “He started making fun of me afterward, and then said I could try again.”

“The more I hear about your school, the less I want to,” Shinsō muttered, while the other 1-C students started edging away from them. Kei just shrugged while Shinsō tried to incorporate possibly the second-most incriminating detail Kei had ever let him know about into his worldview. The first being the…practical training. And how Kei learned it. “Now I have a headache. Thanks for that.”

“You wanted to know why I was focused, and now you do.” Kei rolled her eyes when Shinsō glared slightly down at her. “There is no way Sensei would stop laughing if I lost to someone like that. He’d call it poetic justice or something and I’d hate him forever.”

“I’m starting to think I should be halfway across the stadium for deniability if you do anything,” Shinsō complained, but didn’t seem to mind too much. He hadn’t started running, after all. But that could mean he just didn’t believe her, which was probably safer for his sanity.

“Pff, no one could blame you for anything I do.”

Shinsō raised an eyebrow. “You’re saying this to the person whose Quirk is literally called Brainwashing.”

“Yep.” Kei was aware of the incongruity. She just didn’t care.

Shinsō settled for rolling his eyes. And then it was time to join the other classes in the opening ceremony.

The Sports Festival took place in what would have been an Olympic-sized stadium anywhere else, dwarfing the Chūnin Exam setup Konoha used. When she looked up, Kei could spot a massive dome stretching far overhead, stage lights off for the daylight event but nonetheless present. Thousands of seats lined the stadium walls, each of them filled with a person who wanted to see a bunch of fifteen-year-olds kick the snot out of each other. She liked the jumbotron-style screens, though she probably could have done without the reminder that everything from this moment forward would be broadcasted live.

Present Mic was the announcer. This was, perhaps, the most perfect job ever fucking devised. A guy with the Voice Quirk and endless capacity for hype generation and shouting. If Kei didn’t already know he was a DJ to end all DJs, she would have wondered if he moonlighted as an American football sportscaster.

General Studies entered second out of the department, announced collectively as “Next up, General Studies classes C, D, and E!” where the Hero classes got separate spiels. Made sense, though—flashy Quirks and ambition were concentrated in those forty students.

Kei just kept silent behind Shinsō, listening to their classmates lose heart. She could draw attention to herself later.

Kayama-sensei stood tall on the podium as the classes all gathered. Kei hung near the back, well behind the hero kids and most of her classmates, while Shinsō was closer to the front. Too many of the students had physical Quirks that obscured her view, so Kei settled for closing her eyes and expanding her chakra sense outward like a slowly widening net.

Nothing. Wider, then.

“Silence, everyone!” Kayama-sensei snapped her flogging whip, stepping up to the microphone. “And for the student pledge, we have Katsuki Bakugō!”

Kei could almost feel her classmates rolling their eyes.

The kid made his way to center stage, footsteps echoing in the sudden quiet.

And once he was up there…

“I just wanna say, I’m gonna win.”

Kei stuck her fingers in her ears before the crowd around her erupted in shouting. Off-hand, she could pick out the 1-A kids collectively before Iida got loudest, followed by the steel kid from 1-B. And then there was just more shouting, because nobody had bothered to tell the grade’s other resident delinquent that there was supposed to be a speech, not just a challenge.

Kei opened her eyes once Kayama-sensei got control of everyone again. She didn’t even need her whip this time.

“Without further ado, it’s time for us to get started!” Kayama-sensei called, microphone in hand and a smile on her face. “This is where you begin feeling the pain!”

So, is this—?

Please don’t say it.

“The first fateful game of the festival! What could it be?” Kayama-sensei held her arm up and a screen plunked down behind her, showing a single roulette spinning wildly until it came to a sharp stop. “Ta-dah!”

Obstacle race, huh?

“All eleven classes will participate in this treacherous contest,” Kayama-sensei went on, “The track is four kilometers around the outside of the stadium.”

Kei glanced at Shinsō, who nodded back. They wouldn’t team up, but they full expected to see each other in the next round. In this event, they would simply use every skill they had individually to excel.

It wasn’t like Kei could actually tell him not to use his Quirk and show it off. She certainly planned to do…something interesting.

“I don’t want to restrain anyone, at least in this game.”

Before I was rudely interrupted—

Isobu, no!

Kayama-sensei licked her lips, then grinned widely and said, “As long as you don’t leave the course, you’re free to do whatever your heart desires!”

Kei smacked both palms into her face. Kayama-sensei dresses like that every damn day, and now you’re breaking my acclimatization.

I am saying it.

Do what you want. Kei grimaced under her hands.

That is most definitely a dominatrix.

And now I can’t unthink anything about Kayama-sensei’s sex life that you just brought to mind. Absolutely none of it. Thanks for that.

“Now then, take your places, contestants.”

The entire first-year class gathered at a massive set of double doors. Kei glanced up, made a ballpark guess at the number of students versus the width of the opening, then sighed.

Three.

Two.

“What should we be paying attention to at this stage of the race?” Present Mic asked Aizawa-sensei, up in the media booth.

One.

And when Kayama-sensei screamed, “BEGIN!” Kei watched the inevitable rush that packed the entire place like a canning factory.

“The doorway,” said Aizawa-sensei’s grim voice.

Enthusiasm was rewarded to some degree, but so was planning. And unfortunately, the first years’ energy didn’t work out for the ones in the midst of the crush.

Shinsō was already gone, vanishing into the crowd. It was probably time for Kei to get moving, too.

From a standing start, Kei leapt.

No one in 1-C doubted Kei’s physical prowess, but neither could they explain it. Even as ice flowed toward the outside of the stadium, caused by somebody’s Quirk, Kei bounced off walls inside of the tunnel above the students’ heads. Water droplets splattered here and there, making the chill just that much worse as she ricocheted from contact point to contact point. To her fellows, it probably looked like she was using her control over water to stick herself to the tunnel walls and her athleticism to do the actual grunt work. Something, something, surface tension.

Chakra was pretty funny like that.

Cheating is all in the spirit of shinobi tradition, isn’t it?

Indisputably. Now make sure you place well.

Kei made it back into the light the instant after the ice froze most of the pack leaders of the race to the ground. She landed and rolled, crystals shattering half-formed along her back and snow caught in her hair. All around her, the students struggled in the ice she just brushed away, her gaze focusing forward to the two-toned head of one of the class 1-A students. Some people were frozen, others just slipping on the ice, and they were bound to see more of that as this kid made his way forward.

“Nice try, Todoroki-kun!” yelled one of the girls from class 1-A, as she and several of her compatriots fought their way past multiple waves of sheet ice.

Kei passed Shinsō, who was being carried by three likely-brainwashed students. She waved at him, then darted forward toward the lead position.

Traversing ice wasn’t really any harder than walking on water, no matter how much Todoroki made. It was mainly a matter of sticking to the surface instead of suspending herself above it. Purple spheres falling all over the place was her real concern—Obito had told her how the water villains during the USJ attack got caught, and Kei didn’t plan to repeat their mistakes. And if she passed Midoriya and Uraraka along the way, she at least spared them a friendly wave as well.

The first leg of the race seemed to be pretty tame aside from the other competitors. The obstacles were no-shows so far.

Cue the robots.

[kuriquinn]

Ode to Eileithyia [3 / 4]

Blanket Fic Disclaimer: (and link to the main fic, of which this is a coda)

Summary:   He never thought of the possibility of Sakura actually dying, and from childbirth of all things.

Rating: M

Pairing: Off-screen SasuSaku

Beta Reader: Not beta-read; check back at a later date for edits

Author’s Note:  Sorry for the late update, I was once again at vet with Mini Pie. Poor thing suffered the indignity of both a thermometer up the butt and getting his neck shaved. So he hates me right now :(

This was supposed to be three chapters. The last one decided to go on forever, so I split it. So this fic will have four parts. Look for the conclusion tomorrow :) (and yes, it will be the conclusion, it’s not like my other stories where I promise a conclusion and go on forever. I actually have it finished haha.) That also means I won’t be posting this to Ao3 just yet, as I want it all complete before I do that.

Warning(s) Blood as per childbirth?

Previous Chapter

As Sakura’s arms slacken, and falls back into boneless unconsciousness, Tsunade, Karin and Shizune clamour around her. Naruto finds himself dragged away from her, baby deposited in his arms and a sharp, “Keep her neck supported!” barked at him by his cousin.

Then Tsunade is crouched in front of Sakura, working healing chakra into her, while Karin tries to force her to bite down on her arm to share strength. Shizune changes and tosses away sodden red bandages, sweat beading on her forehead—

“What can I do?” Naruto asks, though his words are nearly lost in the infants gasping wails. “Kurama’s chakra, would it help—?”

“No,” Tsunade says, not looking up. “Her body’s being influenced by too many chakra signatures right now as it is, we can’t afford the shock it might cause her. Besides, that energy is too strong for her right now, and your control isn’t precise to begin with.”

Naruto nods numbly for want of anything else.

“Just hold onto the baby,” Tsunade says. “She may lose both parents before her first birthday, it would be nice if we could tell her she at least got to be held by both.”

This time she does look up, frowning up at him. Irritation and annoyance slip through her worry briefly. Naruto knows it’s going to be a long, unpleasant conversation when that issue is brought up again, but he doesn’t have time to dwell.

Because he never thought of the possibility of Sakura actually dying, and from childbirth of all things.

His eyes are drawn back down to the baby—Sarada, she called her—a pink, still somewhat bloody, bawling creature in his arms. He is immediately struck by how much she resembles Sasukes. Not just her eyes, which are the same fathomless black irises as her father’s, but her colouring and the shape of her face. Even as she bawls, the way her brows wrinkle together are immediately recognisable.

“Hang in there, kid,” he tells her quietly, awkwardly rocking the baby and trying not to panic, because he knows nothing about babies!

“Still hemorrhaging!” Shizune cries, shrill.

“Sakura, don’t you dare die on me, that would really piss me off,” Tsunade snarls, still focussing her healing chakra into the body of her apprentice.

“I don’t get it,” Naruto says, now practically bouncing the baby; she isn’t impressed, judging by the way her cries ratchet higher. “I’ve seen her take hits from a giant chakra monster and perform the most complicated healing techniques ever. All of that stuff and she pulled through. Why’s she getting worse from this?”

“I’d think you of all people would understand how difficult childbirth is, considering what happened to Auntie Kushina,” Karin reminds him.

“That was different,” Naruto says weakly. “She was attacked while she was giving birth, it’s not…it’s not the same.”

“Even in regular childbirth, a woman’s body goes through immense strain,” Tsunade says. “It doesn’t help that Sakura has been pushing herself throughout this campaigns, organizing evacuations and retreats and healing people caught in that little bastard’s assaults.” A cold smile appears on her face. “Sometimes I wonder if the universe doesn’t have a sense of humour…”

Naruto narrows his eyes at his family’s oldest ally; she’s never been a fan of the Uchiha, but she’s always been much more committed to peace than old grudges. Still, sometimes he wonders…

“The point is, Sakura has been using inordinate amounts of her strength reserves in the past months, not just helping and healing people, but concealing her condition,” Tsunade finishes. “Unless we can stop the bleeding long enough for me to replenish it…the heart can’t beat without blood. The rest of her systems will shut down soon, too.”

“Can’t you just use your chakra to make her heart beat?” Naruto asks.

Tsunade stills, then glances up sharply; the other women do as well.

“You know, use chakra to stand in for her blood until the new stuff takes,” Naruto continues, raising an eyebrow. “That’s what Sakura did when…when we…” He trails off, realising he’s about to divulge something of the utmost secrecy. “I mean, she told me she could do that. I thought she learned that from me.”

“She didn’t learn that from me,” Tsunade practically growls, shooting her apprentice a livid look. And yet, a beat later, the seal on her forehead grows, stretching ribbons across her face and down her neck and arms. “But she did show it to me once. I forbade her from ever doing it again because of how dangerous it is.”

Suddenly Sakura’s healing of Uchiha Itachi seems a lot more impressive.

The baby wails even harder, and Naruto can’t watch Tsunade use Sakura’s technique, desperately trying to quiet the child. He doesn’t want to risk leaving the room, in case he is needed or misses something, but at the same time he knows her sounds are causing more tension from the others.

Thinking as quickly as he can, he balances her in one arm while reaching for a nearby basin of clean water. He does his best to clean his hand, and then places the tip of his pinky in the baby’s mouth. She quiets instantly, gumming and sucking on the digit out of instinct.

Poor kid, Naruto thinks.

There is a sudden collective exhale, and as he looks up, he sees Tsunade and the others have finally calm. Sakura is

“The bleeding stopped,” Shizune murmurs wearily.

“Heartrate and chakra are becoming more stable,” Karin agrees, trying to sound clinical, but the relief in her voice is evident.

“I’m too old for this shit,” Tsunade grumbles as she gets to her feet. The seal in her forehead is gone. She jabs a finger at Naruto. “As soon as she’s strong enough, the three of us are sitting down and you’re explaining exactly what circumstances required her to use that technique. And how the hell she became involved in such a way with Uchiha Sasuke.”

Naruto opens his mouth to protest, but Tsunade keeps going, addressing the other two women as well. “Obviously it goes without saying that no one in this room heard about or knows the truth of the child’s parentage. Peace is already practically unattainable, I don’t want that Sharingan wielding lunatic discovering we have his child and trying harder to wipe us all out.”

“It’s going to be obvious at some point,” Karin says, peering across the room at the baby. “Anyone who’s ever seen him close up will be able to tell just by looking at her.”

“Luckily, most people who have been that close to him are in the ground, or in this room,” Tsunade dismisses. “Besides, Naruto is apparently a master at secret arrangements—” Her voice is complete sarcasm at this juncture, “—Figure it out. Now that I understand why Hatake stayed by her side for so long, have him in on it. Furthermore…”

Tsunade falters then, stumbling backward.

“Shishou!” Shizune gasps, hurrying forward to catch her. She begins to fret. “She’s exhausted herself.”

“Funny how she was going off on Sakura for the exact same thing not an hour ago,” Naruto snorts, and then frowns as the baby pulls away from his finger. Evidently she has realised that there is no food forthcoming.

“Don’t you start,” Shizune scolds, carrying the ailing leader of the Senju out of the room.

つづく

Thank you for reading! Reviews and concrit are much appreciated - and if you’re feeling generous, I also accept tips through ko-fi (just scroll to the top and click the button, or use this link)

クリ

Next Chapter

[aeroknot]

here have 1,740 words out of 17,600 words of narusaku headcanon

.............i’m goin’ in deep y’all sry not sry (ok i AM kinda sry to those on mobile who have to scroll past this....... i wish mobile didn’t suck like that so you can avoid watching me be a huge dweeb instead of pro’lly what you decided to follow me for hnnnnggh)

these are 2 separate moments I came up with that I eventually tied together after some editing (/fantasizing about my own ideas) passes:

at a gathering with their friends, they both got insufferably cocky about a game involving pairs against pairs, and the stakes kept rising, eventually hinging on some pretty risky bets. when they lost, they were mortified in having to eat the brightly colored crow their friends (conspirators, the useless lot of them!) came up with. they had to temporarily dye their hair the other’s hair color, and couldn’t wash it out for a whole week (or use a genjutsu?). so sakura had to work around the hospital with blonde hair, and pink-haired naruto was at the mercy of his sharp-tongued genin students. people wonder if sakura meant to and if she wants to look more like her shishou, which is cool and all, but most everyone says they like her pink hair better, which is a relief. The most annoying part is the humiliation she feels since she had to do it as the result of her own hubris. he complains about the relentless teasing savagery of his genin students while they’re walking along the canal on their last evening of this punishment, but admits to sakura he doesn’t mind the hair so much and shares he’s often wondered what it’d be like to have his mother’s hair, and pink is similarly distinctive and beautiful and in the same color family. It’s the first comparison of one of her features to his mother’s he speaks aloud, and his heart starts racing because he momentarily forgets she doesn’t know about his mother’s words to find a girl like her. Completely unaware of his thoughts and sudden nervousness, she serenely replies, “I’m sorry she’s not here to experience how sweet her son can be to her… I wonder if she would have liked me? I think I’d have liked her” she actually doesn’t take his silence personally, sort of because she doesn’t think what she said requires a response, but mostly because she’s distracted. they get around some trees at the edge of the pathway right at that moment, allowing a beautiful view of the brilliantly warm-toned sunset. she makes a noise of appreciation and with a childlike wonder he hasn’t seen on her in a little while, she cheerily says, “this sunset has all our colors, Naruto!” “Yeah” he says, a little breathless. “All our colors.” He watches her until she notices (trrrooopey as fuuuuuuck, i know, shut up) and smiles real big at him but humorously admonishes, “Don’t look at me, weirdo! You see me all the time, but you don’t see the same sunset twice” then she faces it again. So he puts his hands in his pockets to stop their quivering as the scene soaks in and suddenly it’s just really hard to see her green eyes with his blonde hair. he turns to take in the sunset too, and he thinks, “she would have loved you, Sakura… we can bet on it” (originally all i’d written here was the first paragraph, and then I think my subconscious LEAPT OUT AT ME the next time I read it to provide this sunset scene -- they’re my rainbow sherbet fighting dreamers ninja family!!!)

~ & ~

In my headcanon world, Naruto and Sakura have five kids, two of which are adopted and three conceived. * I want to note here that I almost never go the “lots and lots of babies” route w/ my otp’s. 3 out of my top 5 do not go on to have kids in my interpretations of them. But for Naruto and Sakura it makes sense, and this is especially based in my conviction he would want to adopt and he would want a big family to experience the exact opposite of his childhood. So, yeah, 5 makes a lot of sense to me. I tend to think they are resistant to the idea of kids for a while bc of the threats to their lives, but they eventually decide they both really want to have kids after fostering two boys and it’s so hard to eventually let them go on to their adoptive parents. Sooo.. their youngest are twins; they’re named Konohana and Sakuya. And my reasoning for this, as well as for all the other names, is pretty in depth. Here: I first heard about Konohana from @yellowflasher‘s great fanfics. She has a Konohana and Kae (not twins), and I asked her once if she named Konohana after the myth, and she said she actually hadn’t seen or heard it before. It obviously stuck with me tho!! Uzumaki Konohana = from the Konohanasakuya-hime mythology. I just discovered with this name theme of using myths I coulda inadvertently referenced Kushina and Minato as well!! -- Kushina’s name could have been derived from Kushinadahime, a goddess of rice/life, and Susanoo is her husband, the god of STORMS aka Namikaze Minato. (Maybe other peeps in the fandom already knew this but I’m late to the party. Oh well! I was shocked when I learned this yesterday.) And it honors Konohagakure, and honors Sakura: ‘flower’ is part of the name. Konohana was conceived (twin to Sakuya)

Uzumaki Sakuya = from the Konohanasakuya-hime mythology. And see above for the comments about the possible Kushina/Minato connection. And it honors Sakura: it’s literally 2/3rds her name; one different ending syllable. & naruto calls her Momo-chan, and I explain why below.

After deciding all this, I came up with this moment: Naruto and Sakura love the names from the princess myth but also love they are referring to Konoha and Sakura. tho, because Sakuya can sometimes sound too similar to Sakura, confusingly so-- and as Naruto’s the only one who has to say both names in the household (y’know, because it’s either “Sakuya” or “mom” said by everyone else, the kids don’t call her Sakura) -- he often calls her “Momo-chan.” as a kid she’s not sure why but just rolls with it and then one day in her later childhood it dawns on her: orange + pink = peach (note: momo means the fruit and momo-iro means the color but I think naruto would just keep it short and simple as momo-- he’d probably argue an orange plus a cherry equals a peach anyway, somehow……... hahhh! I actually looked it up and peaches are in the same genus as cherries and apricots, and apricots are orange :P not that naruto would know this but sakura would be like me and probs research it lol). Sakura expresses concern that Konohana will feel jealous or excluded if he doesn’t give her a nickname too, and he forlornly / guiltily (at having not even thought of that) approaches Konohana with this. She’s rather young to be considering this so thoughtfully -- maybe 4 or 5 -- but her answer never changes as she grows up (though the vocabulary / phrasing she uses might mature…. But I say might, haha); “don’t change me; I love my name!! it is like our home so it means I will become hokage like daddy!! and it is like flowers like mommy’s flower so it means people are happy and have a party when i show up!!” (she’s talking about hanami) naruto immediately bursts into tears bc holy shit he just loves this kid so!! much!!! ( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ _ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) sakura’s doing better at keeping it together, tho not by much, lmao

Some months into the nickname of Momo-chan settling in, there’s a morning where it’s brought into question again. while sakura and naruto are folding laundry, the twins rush in from the backyard to show them something they’re excited about in their grubby cupped hands. “Look! loo~oook! polli-wolly-wogs!!” (tadpoles-- i have great affection for this term for them bc mei in the english dub of totoro calls them that, and totoro is a defining touchstone of my young childhood) naruto intones, “eeehhhh? How cool, konohana-chan!! Momo-chan! Maybe uncle Gamakichi knows ‘em, huh?” and they laugh and stick their tongues out at him, “he’s not our uncle! He’s a toad!” yet they’re making ribbiting sounds as they run off to return the tadpoles. Sakuya trips and just narrowly regains her footing at the last moment to prevent toppling herself and the tadpoles across the floor. “careful, momo-chan!” Naruto offers in a loud voice, but calmly-- he holds back his concern, as he’s learned that a lot of the time kids decide whether they should cry based on their parents’ reactions, namely whether they freak out a lot, and he’s done a lot of freaking out, and is trying something new now, pfft. He watches her right herself, check on the tadpoles in her hands, nod once firmly and give a determined “mm!” in acknowledgement of his caution, and they scamper off. 

So then Sakura asks, with some humor in her voice even tho she’s going for annoyed: “naruto, why’d we even name her sakuya if you’re just gonna keep calling her momo-chan?” “aahh, sakura-chan. She’s just little momo to her daddy. Out in the real world she’ll be called the name inspired by her mind-blowing mom.” the tinge of pink on her cheeks does not get past him and the side of his mouth starts to twitch into a smirk. He roguishly continues with, “I thought about making you the one I address with a nickname instead, but all the ones I could come up with aren’t appropriate in front of the kids” she tries to look aghast but she’s fighting her mutinous mouth starting to veer into a big smile, and to distract his gaze away from this very visible and losing battle across her face, she twists a towel and snaps it at him. They play fight until they fall onto the bed, halfway into the now half-undone laundry. They rest a little bit, soaking in the calm moment, his upper body on top of her lower body-- resting his head on her stomach and holding her around her waist. Her eyes are closed and she’s absent-mindedly running her fingers through his hair. Then he softly voices, “little peach... she’s our colors, Sakura.” and she does vividly remember the sunset he’s recalling. She answers with his words from years ago: “Yeah. our colors.”

(god i’m really driving home this rainbow sherbet ninja family theme aren’t i???? Don’t care!!!! I love it!!! They are my faves they deserve everything I have to offer!!!!)

THE END.

(....except not bc..... there’s...... uh..... 15860 words left...... yeah those figures..... weren’t hyperbolic, i am actually that much of a dork)

[electraposts]

AIC 26

“That one.”

Inoichi gave him a sidelong glance that was far too expressive for 5 in the morning. “As you say, Hokage-sama.”

Minato considered explaining. He was too tired.

'Kushina, I wish you were here for this. You're laughing at me, aren't you?'

There was no sign of her, of course, other than the ache in his soul where they should be touching. He pressed his lips together and waited for the genin he'd chosen to be brought in.

When he was led in, the boy had his shoulders back just a little too far and his hands were clearly aching to make fists. He was defensive. Not overly fearful.

'Is Naruto like this boy? Would he be wary of me, too?'

Minato smiled brightly. “Please, have a seat.” While the genin was dithering, he made a point of glancing down at the clipboard he was holding. “Inai-san, right?”

His daughter's favored student sat down with slow, deliberate movements. He straightened his back. He  didn't make eye contact. “Yondaime-Hokage-san.”

'That's exactly the minimum amount of politeness required,' Minato thought. 'How familiar.' He didn't let the ghost of a smile reach his face. “How are you finding your stay in Konoha?”

Inai Yuusaku swallowed whatever smartass remark he'd been about to make. “Acceptable. How is yours?”

Well. Maybe he hadn't swallowed all of the sass.

'Disorienting. Highly concerning. I don't have the time or freedom to conduct the research I'd need to know what exactly has gone so wrong here.'

He felt his eyes crease in a smile. “It's beautiful, isn't it? I missed the plum blossoms last year.”

The Kiri genin gave him a mildly disbelieving look. “So you did. Maybe some other things too, but mostly the plums.”

Minato crossed his ankles underneath his chair. “I hear good things about Kirigakure lately. Is there anything you particularly like to do at this time of year?”

It was sort of cute, watching the kid strain to understand what Minato was hoping to glean from that question. In the end, he played it safe. “Not really.”

“How did you end up training under the Mizukage?” Minato asked casually.

The boy gave him a sharp look. “I am lucky to have a skilled teacher.”

He was neither confirming or denying that Aiko was the Mizukage. Even after she'd given her implicit permission for her team to talk about it.

“Of course,” he agreed politely. “But you shouldn't be so modest. I hear good things about your performance in the second task of the chuunin exams, in particular.”

If he hadn't already known the body language in that recorded fight belonged to Aiko, the stiff and defensive set to the genin's shoulders would have confirmed it.

“Thank you,” Inai-san said. He made eye contact and then looked away as quickly.

“Uzumaki-san was in Kirigakure's Black Ops, wasn't she?” Minato tried.

The shrug the genin gave seemed genuine. “I am not privy to the career details of my seniors.”

“Of course.” He uncrossed his ankles and adjusted his feet to be the perfectly proper four inches apart. “But it's an open secret, isn't it? It is unusual for someone with such a low-profile career to be welcomed into the upper echelons of government. There's not many other confidential departments where a shinobi can become powerful enough to become a kage.”

Inai probably didn't realize that he gave a minuscule nod of agreement. He believed that theory, then.

That was... Well. He hadn't expected that Aiko would have been honest about where she had come from. A classified career was the most comforting explanation that Kirigakure could come to.

“How long has she been your teacher?”

“Only since the weeks prior to the chuunin exams.”

'Aiko specifically told them to be honest about that, then. He's hedging ambiguous answers where he isn't sure what she wants and spitting out what he's sure is safe.'

Minato nodded and gave a conversational hum. “Is she a good teacher?”

Inai gave an answer to that easily, in the affirmative. But of course he would.

“Thank you for your time,” Minato decided. He stood up and resisted the urge to put his hands in his pockets.

The genin looked relieved. He actually gave a half-bow from his seated position.

Minato let his posture relax as he pulled open the door. “Goodbye.” He nodded to the foreigner. “Before I go, I have one last question.” Minato tossed it out as though it was an afterthought. He rubbed at the tendon behind his right ear. “If your teacher decides she wants me gone, how would she do it?”

He pretended not to notice how incredibly tense that was making the observing ANBU.

Inai Yuusaku seemed more than a little confused by the question. His eyes narrowed, looking for the trick. “I'm afraid I've never seen her in a difficult fight,” the genin hedged. “I can't say what she would do.”

Minato nodded. “Thank you. Have a good day.” He let the door shut behind him and immediately set off to his temporary office, not the conference room behind one-way glass. Yamanaka-san would follow after the genin had been taken back to his cell. He only had to wait a couple of minutes before Inoichi slipped inside with a mild expression and let the door shut quietly.

“Yondaime-sama.” Inoichi nodded. The way his long hair slipped over his shoulder was the same way Minato remembered, even if the wrinkles and scars were new.

He managed a thin smile. “What did you think?”

The Yamanaka took a moment to respond. “I do not think he gave any information that Uzumaki-san would have forbidden him to give,” Inoichi said.

'He thinks I made a mistake in choosing that genin to interrogate.'

Minato nodded. “Yes.” He folded his arms and leaned against the wall. “He did a good job.”

Inoichi looked at him, perfectly steady. There was no judgment in his clear blue eyes.

Minato snorted and made a waving motion. “You think I'm an idiot.”

The younger man shook his head solemnly. “Not at all, Yondaime-sama.” Inoichi let one corner of his mouth slip up in a smile. “I'm waiting to hear what you wished to accomplish.”

He eyed Inoichi, but indulged. “I didn't need any classified information that a genin would have been privy to.” Minato scratched the back of his neck. “But he did inadvertently confirm that Uzumaki-san has revived the dead before and that he believes the process to be permanent. I'd say that the breakdown of what Uzumaki-san did and did not classify would also indicate that she has dug her heels into Kirigakure, but has not been transparent about her history. She isn't especially friendly, but she hasn't ruled out cooperation with Konohagakure.”

He was hungry, again. That was so odd. It was a strange feeling to get used to again.

“I see,” Inoichi said slowly.” A frown line formed. “I had made the first connection myself- his answer about how Uzumaki-san would get rid of you was phrased ambiguously to protect knowledge of her fighting style, but clearly assumed that a fight would be necessary.” He tilted his head. “I... can see hints that evidence your later conclusions.”

Minato didn't answer the implicit question. He was going to have to, eventually. It hung like a rock in his stomach. He just... He needed some time to gather more information and come to a conclusion about what needed to be done.

“Thank you,” he said. He heard that his voice came out wooden, but didn't muster up the energy to falsify emotion. “That will be all for now. I'll speak with the Sandaime soon, but you may as well go first.”

Inoichi didn't bother to deny that he would be reporting to the Sandaime. “Very well, then.”

He couldn't work up the emotional effort to be offended that the Sandaime was distrustful of him. It made sense. The situation was incredibly suspicious.

'It's really starting to look like an alternate timeline situation.' Minato slowly collapsed to a seated position on the floor and ran his hands up his hair. 'Aiko, what have you done? Do you even know?'

She was different from the 14 year old girl he had briefly known in Rouran. At least, in presentation. It was a fair assumption that a lot of the same neurosis and traits were present, just better hidden. Less raw. He could easily see where the same need for control was playing out in this genin team she had adopted, the same protective desires towards younger and more vulnerable children. The oddity was that she had ended up bonding to persons in Kirigakure.

'If I can get her to come to Konohagakure, that would be best. I don't know if she can be convinced to leave.'

It was completely mad that this situation existed and he didn't even get the luxury of feeling confused about it. There was a terrible certainty in his gut. He knew what had happened- what linked him and Aiko. It was so terribly vulnerable to extra variables, simply because it wasn't meant to be subverted at all.

Minato wasn't under any illusions about what he was. He was walking and breathing and his heart was beating, but his soul belonged to the death god. He'd been given physical form to bear witness, but he hadn't truly been revived as one of the living.

The only question, really, was why Aiko had come to this place. Had it been an accident, like what had happened in Rouran? This was absolutely another dimension- there were only two live hiraishin seals in existence. One was in Kakashi-kun's possession, and the other one was being kept alive by the natural chakra in Rouran. Aiko had made certain that he wouldn't do that, ergo, there was either no Aiko belonging to this universe or at the very least, she was not the same as the Aiko he had encountered.

It seemed likely that he had never had a daughter in this universe, and not simply because no one seemed to think Naruto had a twin. Why else would Aiko have found herself in this specific timeline? This proved that alternate realities exist, and that probably meant infinite realities. Unless it was pure chance drawing Aiko to this universe, then there was some other factor involved.

Minato pieced listlessly through the reports he'd already studied. He kept coming back to focus on one paragraph in particular- Aiko had rather baldly interrogated a genin about siblings.

He wanted to think that her lack of subtlety meant that she had been upset or surprised by what she had learned- that perhaps she had never considered that there would have been no Aiko in this universe. Or that she had strong reason to believe she had a counterpart?

'She should be conversant with this theory.' Minato leaned back and ruffled his hair up. 'She's capable of adapting and using hiraishin. Maybe it's not her focus area, but I doubt that. So why wouldn't Aiko have learned about multiverse theory?'

From that he could posit two possible solutions- option one was that her fuinjutsu education was bizarrely inconsistent and patchy. Given that she should have been reared by Jiraiya, he would have said that was impossible. Of course, now in this universe he had seen that Jiraiya had abandoned his responsibilities to Naruto. Grimly, Aiko's selective ignorance was not as far-fetched as he would like.

Option two was that she had been upset by Naruto's answer because she specifically had reason to believe she had a younger counterpart. That was interesting. If there really was another Aiko in this universe, where was she? Why hadn't anyone ever mentioned Naruto's twin to him, if only to explain why she was absent? Why would Aiko know when no one else seemed to?

'Or Aiko could have just panicked. People do foolish things and forget obvious information when they are panicked.'

That theory was less interesting. Minato bounced his right leg a few times. He frowned when he caught himself fidgeting.

This office was a third the size of the Hokage's office. It felt like he was working in a dark cave and the walls would come down at any mo-

Minato dismissed the thought. He took deep, calm breaths. He did not ruminate on the soul that he'd never encountered in all his years wandering and reconnecting. It made some sense that forgiveness was still coming. Avoiding someone who got you killed was reasonable. Perhaps after a decade one's resolve might fade, but- it was what it was.

The walls were a pale green, textured with dust that made them scratchy. It was rather tasteful. He looked at them for a while, pushing down the blackness. If there was a window, he would have opened it. Or maybe he would have jumped out of it and chosen not to use any chakra.

That, he reflected, was possibly why there was no window.

He wasn't going to kill himself. Probably. He had a bone-deep terror that he wouldn't be able to pass back to where he belonged. Would his soul be trapped in limbo? Would he intrude on this Minato and Kushina's afterlife? Would Kushina wait for him until the world shook apart and death was unmade?

The only person who might be able to give him a hint was in Kirigakure playing at Mizukage. He was grudgingly, confusingly proud of her for achieving that. Aiko was a very odd person, but she didn't lack for ambition, did she? She was definitely his kid. And she seemed more stable than she'd been as a teenager. That was a good sign.

Talking to her in private would be... not impossible, but difficult. And unwise, given that the Sandaime was trying to figure out if Minato was under her control, as well as what had possessed him to keep a child completely secret and send her off to Kirigakure.

He hadn't asked yet, but he probably would, once investigation turned up nothing. It would have been a very strange choice, so Minato couldn't blame the Sandaime for wondering.

Would it be better or worse to tell the Sandaime that he was misplaced in dimensions? Would Sandaime believe him? Would sharing that information cause harm to Aiko?

Minato cleared his throat. “Excuse me.”

ANBU boar obediently entered the room.

“I want to interview the genin who wrote this report.” Minato handed it over. “Have her brought to me, please.”

The shinobi gave the report a cursory glance and then handed it back. “Of course, Hokage-sama.” He bowed and left quickly.

Minato spared a moment to feel a bit sorry for how alarmed that girl was going to be when told that the undead Hokage wanted to talk to her about a mission months ago. In all likelihood, she wouldn't remember anything more detailed than what she had written in her report. But if there was a chance he could push her to remember more details, specific wording that Aiko had used or facial expressions- well. It could help him.

He occupied the late morning and afternoon with the materials the Sandaime had arranged in order to help him understand the current political and social climate.

Three sharp raps on the door made him look up. That was Boar's hand, but he wouldn't be knocking to enter.

“Come in,” Minato called, more on reflex than as a decision. He frowned immediately. The list of people who was approved to come and see him was short. Who was- oh, already?

The door took a good long second to open, during which time Minato twirled his pen and leaned back in his chair.

“Please excuse me.”

He had melted at that timid little voice before he had a name to go with that pink hair. “Haruno-san,” Minato said gently. Just looking at her made him feel a bit squishy and parental. She was rather small. “Thank you for coming so quickly. I read your reports and had some questions for you. Please, have a seat.”

She gave the chair a fearful look.

Um. Maybe she was too polite to sit in her Hokage's presence. “Or you can stand.”

Sakura gave him a wobbly smile. After a moment's deliberation, she sat. She did not relax in the slightest.

Alright, then. He dug out the relevant report. “You mentioned that Uzumaki Aiko exhibited attachment to members of your team,” Minato started, as though he wasn't  very aware of why this would be true. “Did you at any time have the impression that she might be willing to come to Konoha for the chance to be near anyone?”

Sakura twisted her hands in her lap. She looked up and then down quickly. “It's possible, Hokage-sama. She was kind to Sasuke and I, but I think she was very protective of Naruto.”

'Yes,' Minato thought dryly. 'She would be. She was worried about him when they were the same age. Now that he looks like a child to her, she would be more alarmed. My best guess is that she was checking to see if this Naruto had an Aiko to take care of him- she would have come back to Konoha at that point if she could have. But now that the shock has passed, she could have rationalized that he isn't in danger, or that she can protect him from afar.'

She was projecting those feelings onto her current genin team, most likely. But the bond there wasn't as strong. It couldn't possibly be.

The trouble was deciding what to do with that information. He wasn't willing to hurt those kids on the off chance that Aiko would come to Konoha without them to mother. Was separating them more or less likely to help? Should he keep them apart as long as possible and see if her attachment faded? Or would it demonstrate more goodwill to give them back to her?

Had he made a mistake by not removing the hiraishin seal Aiko had left on her genin? Had that been a message, or had she really forgotten that it would be no barrier for him?

He had to admit that he didn't really know his daughter well enough to guess. It left a bitter taste in his mouth.

'She might return if Naruto asked her to. She wouldn't do it for me.'

Minato sighed. “How do you think she felt about your sensei? Was she relaxed? Fearful? Interested?”

Consternation crossed the genin's face. “Ah. Kakashi-sensei?” Sakura furrowed her brow. “She wasn't deferential at all, even when she was pretending to be a civilian. She might have...” Sakura looked a bit ill. “She might have flirted with him a bit. She exhibited a pattern of being apparently dismissive and disinterested, but she was very aware of him.” Sakura folded her hands more demurely in her lap. “And she took interest in ensuring his health, when I don't think it served her purposes.”

Well. He could see why she would make certain her genin sensei was healthy, even without a direct benefit. But still, Minato wondered at that possibility.

'Aiko could well have a crush on Kakashi. Or it could just be her familiarity and trust with her Kakashi bleeding over and looking odd to anyone who doesn't know why she cares about him.'

“Did you notice any concrete signs of attraction?”

She looked as thought she would very much prefer to forget this conversation. “Um.” Sakura grimaced. “She and Tsunami-san may have exchanged some meaningful looks and comments. But I didn't think it was serious.”

He mercifully abandoned that line of questioning for now, suppressing any amusement. For the next ten minutes he picked Sakura's memory. She did surprisingly well at repeating what seemed to have been verbatim quotes, and could recall specific body language.

When he finished, he leaned back. “Thank you, Haruno-san. You've been very helpful.” He tapped his pen against the paper where he'd been taking notes. “Do you have any questions or comments for me?”

Her eyes widened. “Hokage-sama,” Sakura said, as thought she was newly realizing that was who she was talking to.

He resisted the urge to see if someone was standing behind him. “That is me,” Minato said cautiously.

She gave a polite little bow, as though pre-emptively apologizing for the rudeness of daring to speak to him. Her hair swept forward to cover her face. “Yondaime-Hokage-sama.” She stopped. “I do have a question.”

“Yes?” he prompted, trying not to smile.

The girl put her hands behind her back and lifted her chin. “I want to know why no one has told Naruto that Aiko-san is his sister.”

He dropped his pen.

“What.”

The girl barreled on. “Naruto deserves to know. Does Aiko-san know for sure? I'm worried that will come around and cause political trouble down the line.”

'Good god, Kakashi. You trained this girl? I didn't give you enough credit as a teacher.'

Minato folded his hands on his desk, a plain one with the cheap plastic cover. He took a moment. “You are very small and frightening,” he told Sakura. “That's a good combination. Have you considered your career path?”

Her brow furrowed. Oh god, her big green eyes glinted when she looked at him so suspiciously. He wanted to give her an ice cream and teach her to make explosions.

He wouldn't have been surprised if Kakashi or Jiraiya had figured that out. But this little girl, who didn't have the extra hints of the connections between Minato and both of his kids.... How had she done it? Minato considered what she could possibly know and how that could point in the right direction. “Why do you think that?”

Haruno glanced down at her sandals. “Strong circumstantial evidence implied that she thinks she's Naruto's sister. She could be wrong, but she seems like she knows what's she's doing.” She dug a toe into the carpet. “Superficially, there are also some similarities in appearance and personality. They've got the same smile, for one thing.”

He'd never registered a particularly memorable smile from either of them. Minato tilted his head. “You know, I want a detailed explanation of the evidence and logic that lead to your conclusions.” He raised an eyebrow. “Can you have that on my desk today?”

“Um. Yes?” Haruno seemed a little confused, but that was alright.

“Just come back whenever you're finished. I don't know if Kakashi-kun is a good teacher for you, but I hope he's proud of you,” Minato told her. “You're going to have a great career. Thank you, you may leave. Please keep this meeting and all contents to yourself.”

Flustered, Haruno bowed far deeper than was necessary. She was rapidly turning a shade that threatened to compete with her hair. “Ah, yes. Thank you Yondaime-sama. Goodbye, Yondaime-sama.”

“Have a nice day,” he said.

“Yes, Yondaime-sama.” She closed the door.

Minato didn't bother to conceal a smile. He sat very quietly, leaning forward a little to listen for the sounds of the girl gathering her wits enough to leave. After two seconds, there was a quiet, “Damn.” Then she left.

He huffed out a laugh. “What a sweet kid.”

The morning dawned sullenly. Or maybe that was Aiko projecting on it. She struggled her way to the office and only remembered she was supposed to have fed Gaara as she was taking a report from Saito-san's hands. She accepted the papers with both hands and a guilty feeling.

'For two shining days in a row, I was a responsible adult,' she thought. 'I've hit my peak, it's all downhill into garbageville from here.'

“Saito-san, please have Sakurai-san report to me as soon as he comes in,” Aiko said. She transferred the papers to only her left hand. “When is my first appointment?”

If it hadn't been for the wrinkles that said otherwise, Aiko would have been forced to conclude that Saito had never smiled a day in her life. “From 7:45 until 8:05, you have the three hospital administrators. At 8:10, you could see Sakurai-san until 8:40. After that, you have three consecutively scheduled appointments in half-hour blocks that would begin at 8:50 and last until 10:30am. At that point, your schedule opens up until after lunch.”

Aiko eyed her. “The last appointment is with you, isn't it?”

Saito-san nodded sharply, but her halo of tight gray curls didn't bounce a millimeter.

“I'll look forward to it.” Aiko ran fingers through her hair, pulling it all to rest over her right shoulder. “Who is the young man who brought my coffee yesterday?”

“Kouzui-kun. Was there a problem?” There was a hint of teeth in that question.

“No problem at all,” Aiko said mildly. It seemed more politic not to express surprise at the slightly inauspicious name. But, really? Unless it was a really strange spelling, his name had to be Flood. What family living on an island would want to be named 'Flood'? “Please ask him to prepare refreshments for my first meeting, and to bring it in at 7:44 to signal the start of the meeting.” She tapped her reports against her left hip. “Thank you, that will be all for now.”

Saito bowed her way out of the office. Not two seconds later, she was barking out orders to someone who wasn't using both hands to transport boxes of mission scrolls. Aiko pressed her lips together tightly even though no one was around to see her smile.

In the brief window of time she had, Aiko managed to read through the missions report data from the last week. It painted a picture that was incrementally better than last week's, but formed a stronger pattern of improvement when she remembered what these had looked like when she had first started reading them. Her personnel had been engaged in 2409 missions during the course of the week, 2089 had been completed and 1988 of which had been completed successfully.

It was a far cry from the 100% efficiency mark of managing 3577 weekly missions, but it was better than she had seen in past.

The numbers were artificially inflated by the bloating of D-class missions, of course. On average, a team could complete 4 D-class missions per day, and ideally that would form about 15% of the overall mission intake. With 23% of the mission requests coming for low-paid D-class missions, the treasury wasn't repleting properly, and shinobi who really ought to be doing C and B class work were being pulled to missions below their skill level. If she-

“Mizukage-sama.” She looked up at the voice that came before two polite knocks on the door frame.

“Yes?” Aiko kept her tone mild to conceal the sharp spike of irritation she felt.

Nishikawa-san pulled the door open and gestured behind him. “Sanno-sama, Eirei-sama, and Namamura-sama are here for your meeting.”

“Of course.” She stacked the papers together and slid them into a folder. Then she came around her desk to greet her guests. Eirei relaxed during the pleasantries of bowing and being seated, but Namamura and Sanno were unperturbed from the start. That was a little off-putting, since Eirei was the only one who she had met prior.

“Mizukage-sama.” Sanno was the one to begin, once they were arranged in the trio of chairs in front of her desk. “Let me be the first to thank you for the honor of the invitation to talk.”

Aiko folded her hands in her lap unconsciously and ducked a couple of seated bows. “Not at all, Sanno-san,” she deferred. “I am pleased that you could find the time in your busy schedules.” The door slid open quietly. She glanced behind her guests to see that Kouzui was carefully balancing a tray in both hands while Nishikawa silently shut the door behind him. She turned her attention back to her guests. “The aim of our meeting today is to go over the new direction for the city hospitals. I would like your concerns, as well for you to communicate the new direction to the head of the hospital.”

The three-person board of directors must have already designated Sanno as spokeperson, because he didn't glance at his fellows. “I regret to inform you that the senior management is missing key personnel that will make enacting a change difficult. We are in the process of internal review to begin promotion, but it could take some time to complete hiring and other necessary changes.”  The big man leaned slightly out of the way as Kouzui placed a cup and saucer on the sidetable at his elbow.

“I'm aware.” Aiko said evenly. “I consider filling the position of Head Doctor your most immediate concern. I would like to request that you waive the two-month probationary period in favor of immediately assigning one of the seniors to the role on a temporary basis. In my opinion, Kamimura-sensei would be suited to overseeing the changes I have in mind, as interim head or whatever designation seems appropriate to you.”

Kouzui left as silently as he'd entered. Sanno glanced backwards before making a moment of eye contact with Eirei.

“What did you have in mind for the hospital this year?”

Aiko glanced down at her desk for an instant to be sure she was handing over the correct papers and not her missions efficiency reports. “It's a two year plan, with a review scheduled in 3 months. I want to construct a new, more modern building for the main hospital within the year, and the two satellite clinics to be completed after that. I'm concerned about insufficient corridor width in the burn ward-”

Eirei was nodding as he passed the last paper on to Namamura. “Yes, I see,” he agreed. “That was renovated from an older section and it's really not up to code. But this project sounds prohibitively expensive, Mizukage-sama. Our current budget is not sufficient for 3 new buildings within two years, much less maintaining the current ones concurrently until the transition can be made.”

“Which I why I want you to direct the financial review to come up with a projection of expenses.” Aiko took a sip of her coffee- 3 creams, 4 sugars. Someone in the office was feeling kind this morning. Or trying to kill her gradually with too much sugar. Could the two be compatible? It might be Mei.

“That projection will need to account for additional hiring and training as well. I'm aiming to increase the staff by 2% this year, and 3% the following year.” She gestured at the notes she'd handed them. “I want to make a career in the medical sector more appealing to draw in more candidates to reduce the workload and head off the burnout. That's going to involve more aggressive recruiting and some mandatory aptitude testing, as well as a slight salary and benefits increase. Once we've dealt with the current glut of D-level missions, I think suitable candidates could be drawn from our genin population as well as aiming further recruitment into the Academy.”

“And the funds for all this?” Eirei was carefully neutral in tone, despite pressing the point.

Aiko favored him with a slight smile. “This is one of my highest priorities. If I find the budget requests reasonable, I will find a way to fund them. Additionally, the costs for the construction are not going to be on the hospital budget. I need your cooperation for drawing the blueprints to ensure the facilities will be adequate, but your other responsibilities for that project will be minimal.”

The meeting went on along those carefully polite lines. It wasn't ideal that they were too cautious to offer many thoughts, but it was efficient. She'd take it and probably miss it later, when people got bold enough to argue with her.

Kouzui slid open the door at 8:04 to begin collecting dishes, and wow she could get used to staff that insightful. The silent prompting helped draw the meeting to an easy close and usher the trio of older men out on their way only two minutes past the designated ending time. It took one minute for Kouzui to remove two of the chairs to the storage area and refill her cup. She leaned back and rubbed at her head in the two minutes before Sakurai let himself in.

“Good morning, Mizukage-sama.” He barely glanced at his inviting seat, with coffee steaming on the side table.

She gestured for him to sit. “Good morning, Sakurai-san. Did Gaara-kun report to you this morning?”

His mouth twitched. “He reported directly to Tazuna-san, Mizukage-sama. I have received his verbal report about his orders and aims for the day.”

Aiko tilted her head, prompting for further thoughts.

Sakurai didn't take the bait, because he wasn't a sucker.

Fair enough. She could go to the source for information, later.

“I've decided on your role going forward, based on your experience with international trade in past.” Aiko gave him a smile. “For now you'll still be handling the infrastructural projects, but we'll be moving new projects over to Utakata in future to free you up for setting up a financial department. Do you have thoughts about who you would like to work with?”

Sakurai blinked once, twice. He pressed his lips together tightly. “What would this position entail, precisely?”

“You'll be developing and implementing policy for ship-based trade,” Aiko explained. “That would involve working closely with the Treasury, as well as several civilian industry leaders.”

“I see.” He didn't move for a moment. Sitting straight and perfectly still like that in the sunlight, Sakurai cut a rather heroic figure. Aiko had the frivolous thought that the off-white stone of the Hokage monument wouldn't do justice to the dramatic warmth of his complexion but she didn't know what material would be better.

“May I speak freely?”

Aiko frowned more on instinct than displeasure. “You may. What's on your mind?”

Sakurai, impossibly, sat even straighter. “I would like to respectfully decline this assignment, if I may. I believe that my skills are better used in the area where I am currently working.”

What.

“The reconstruction won't be indefinite,” Aiko pointed out. “Tazuna and his team will leave. It won't keep you busy.”

“It's true that our immediate concerns will be addressed in short order,” Sakurai agreed levelly. “However, much of our infrastructure and housing is old, built according to out-dated standards. Our city planning does not reflect the standards of one of the greatest nations. We need a long-term plan to rejuvenate Kirigakure and bring our institutions, cultural and functional, to the pinnacle of modernity and international dignity befitting our status.”

She rested her arms on her desk. “You've been thinking about this,” Aiko said slowly. “What would you term as our priority long-term and short-term concerns?”

Sakurai didn't fully conceal a spark of victory in his expression. “Our waterways are relics made of inferior and unsafe materials, our flood protections insufficient, and our electrical infrastructure woefully inadequate. Our natural resources are not being efficiently utilized, and frankly, much of the capital city is dingy and depressing. Parks and other sites requisitioned for training grounds and bleak government buildings have reduced the visual appeal and affected morale and quality of life. We do not offer secondary education and other resources that would improve the quality of life here, and so we lose talent to minor nations that can offer other opportunities.”

Aiko licked her lips. She rested her chin on her palm, leaning into the conversation for the first time. “Utakata has some papers that you'll be needing. When can you have 2, 5, and 10 year plans on my desk?”

She only knew that the meeting time must have been up because Kouzui came in to take one of the guest chairs and accompanying table out from storage and whisked away Sakurai's untouched coffee. Aiko was sort of sorry to see Sakurai go, but she used her ten minutes of free time to scratch notes down and take out what she would need for her next consultation with the newly chosen Academy principal and the vice principal. After that meeting, Chojuro came in. He was adorable, and obviously passionate about outlining a system for recruiting more students to be mentored in swordsmanship.

But he was also obviously unprepared and off-kilter in the more general assignment he'd had to outline and staff parallel programs for other advanced skillsets.

“A very nice young man, but goddamn if he isn't a little bit narrow in his approach to problem-solving,” Aiko muttered to the closed door after he left. Someone else was going to have to pick up that slack. “Not every problem needs a hammer, you soggy daikon. Dingus. Parakeet.” She leaned back in her chair and hooked a foot over the support bar under her desk. “Poorly-wired waffle iron.”

Sanbi finally woke up enough to register some vague confusion and disapproval, but no actual disagreement with her analysis. He did the bijuu equivalent of rolling over and going back to sleep, because some people were unemployed slobs and could do that.

She waived off the next coffee because she'd had four and it wasn't 11am yet. Kouzui actually frowned at her, but he returned with water. She gave a little more weight to the theory of slow-burn assassination by sugared coffee.

Aiko snuck off to her home for a hasty bathroom break before Saito knocked on the door for their meeting.

Saito wasn't pleasant on a personal level, but she exhibited a sort of ruthless competence that Aiko appreciated in her staff. She didn't trust that Saito would call a doctor if Aiko had a heart attack in her office from drinking way too much caffeine, but she felt a bone-deep certainty that all the missions paperwork would be filed, insightful notes on staffing trends would be made, and and no jounin would hand in a mission report with fudged details while Saito reigned. That was, generally speaking, more important. If a little unsettling.

Aiko shook off the jitters that came from a closed-door meeting with someone who likely wanted her dead. She felt like stretching her legs, so she ran out to check in on the harbor. The lack of news was encouraging, because someone would probably have come to find her if Gaara had killed Tazuna.

She arrived to find the work crew continuing whatever arcane science would complete the pump and lock system while Tazuna sat cross-legged on the ground and monologued while drawing something. Gaara was crouched on the other side of the paper and leaning ever so slightly in.

Cheered, Aiko chose not to disturb whatever momentum they had going. She'd asked Gaara to report to her later. Nosing in would steal his thunder and probably undermine the whole damn point of entrusting him with a little bit of autonomy. And nobody looked even a little bit dead, so it was clearly going just fine.

“An absence of murder qualifies a project as acceptable? I notice that this is a different metric than you applied to the Chojuro,” Sanbi commented. “Is Gaara not being trained for a higher level of responsibility that would seem to require higher standards? Please explain.”

'Chojuro is a name, not a title,' Aiko corrected. 'Also, shut up. The 'no murder so far' thing is a very preliminary observation. I'll have more details about Gaara's competency later, whereas Chojuro is a grown-ass man who had a month to come up with something to impress me.'

The leader of the three-man team that Mei had personally picked to watch over Yamato gave her a nod when she went to the last residential complex next. Yamato, dripping sweat already, took a couple of seconds to notice her.

“Hello.” He glanced back to his work and used what she recognized as excessive dramatics in laying out the floorboards for the eastern section of the third floor.

Aiko folded her arms against the breeze and considered the even, smooth layout of the single piece of wood flooring that covered half of an apartment complex. She felt the left side of her mouth pull up. “That's impressive. Do you need to rest before you do the next part?”

Yamato tossed his hair and inadvertently flicked her with sweat. “Not at all,” he said levelly.

She stepped behind him and focused on what he was doing, because she was a cheating piece of garbage and her Rinnegan were basically souped up sharingan.

He flinched at the reach of her chakra, but he had absolutely no way of knowing there was a chance she could gain from testing the way his chakra felt as he worked. So he laid out the next floorboards and built up the ceiling on the next level before he pleaded exhaustion to take his break.

“Thank you,” Aiko said, because manners mattered even when one was secretly stealing another person's technique. “It's a pleasure to watch you work. I'll stop back in this afternoon to watch some more, if I have the time.” She'd make the time, if it was at all possible. She might be giving him back to Konohagakure any day now.

His ears reddened.

Aiko nodded to his handlers and left. She felt a little bad about benefiting from his obvious years of hard work, but she didn't have time to be that diligent just for the sake of it. Her guilt didn't stop her from going to her private training grounds to replicate what she had observed about manifesting uniform, strong wood instead of a gnarled mess.

It went very well.

'Intellectual theft is very useful. I sort of get the Uchiha now.' Aiko guided a ring of stone up with her left hand and whacked it into the dirt with mokuton. It made a pretty inset. Contemplatively, she warped the wood and convinced it that it would like to be a decorative arch over the stone. It took a minute or two for the wood to agree with her and bend into a tall “U” shape, burrowing sturdy legs into the ground as a base.  

Someone should put some flowers inside it or something. Actually yes, she'd do something like that when they got around to improving the city parks. She was going to have so many decorative bridges and pavilions. She could be just as classy as Konoha. She'd have so many unnecessary gardens. It was going to be great.

Every attempt to replicate what Yamato had done was vastly superior to her amateur fumblings in the dark. Aiko made a mental note of it: Stealing really paid off. She wasn't keeping track of time while she experimented with control and power, but it was at least 12 when someone came to find her.

After about 2 minutes of standing silently, Terumi cleared her throat. “Mizukage-sama,” she allowed. Her tone was bland. “There's someone at the gate claiming to be your guest.”

“That's... bold.” Aiko blinked excess power through her body and concentrated it in her hands. She molded it into heat and pressure and pushed it out as a white-hot ball of fire that consumed her experimentation. Mei watched this with no particular expression at all, but Aiko was feeling slightly proud of her improvements with both the wood and the fire element, thank you very much. “I should go say hello, see if they need to be taken out to lunch or imprisoned or whatever.”

Mei might have betrayed some irritation in the twitch of her eye, but her tone was implacable. “As you say.”

“I remember that struggle,” Aiko said absently. “You're too used to using the mask as a crutch for hiding your thoughts. Work on that.” She let her hair out of the ponytail she'd used to keep it off her face while she trained and shook it out with her fingers. There were only a couple of splinters in it this time. Nice.

Mei's mouth neatly dropped open in outright outrage, but Mei didn't deny the criticism. She followed Aiko on the run to the gate and fell behind a polite couple of steps only when they reached the small cluster of wary shinobi at the city checkpoint.

“She is my beloved sister,” Karin said, in the tone that meant she was daring someone to disagree with her. “We are very close. She would want you to give me tonkatsu. Probably ice cream, too.”

“So you have said,” one of Aiko's shinobi said. “Many times.” The man was wearing the pin that identified him as from the outer patrol and a long-suffering expression that identified him as the poor bastard who had carted Karin to the main island.

Mei looked a bit ill when Aiko glanced back. Perhaps she hadn't heard that Karin was claiming to be related to Aiko. Or maybe she just hadn't believed it until she saw them at the same time.

She considered, for a moment, that Karin was almost certainly here to spy for Orochimaru. The chances were like, 98%.

“That sounds like a problem.”

'Not really.' Aiko turned on her sunniest smile. 'She's not as slick as she thinks she is. She's 12. But her scheming is absolutely adorable, you'll love her.'

“Karin, I'm glad to see you.” Aiko waved off the tense gate guard overseeing the potential disaster. “Stand down, everyone. There's no problem here. I've may or may not have some relatives that might show up from time to time.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Karin sniffed. “Can't the Mizukage's sister get some respect around here? A hot lunch?”

Aiko rolled her eyes. “I'll treat you to lunch and we'll talk. Terumi-san, thanks for bringing the situation to my attention. And-” She gestured a question.

“Kamimoto,” said the man who'd escorted Karin. He probably needed hazard pay and a hot drink.

“Kanimoto-san,” Aiko continued. “Thank you for your diligence and bringing her to my attention. Stop in to my office before you return to your post.” She slung an arm around Karin's shoulders and began steering her away. “Afternoon.”

They didn't talk after that. Karin was perfectly capable and appeared a lot more confident than she was, but even her iron will was apparently a little tested by the sudden awkwardness of reaching the kage to whom she'd claimed a relationship. Aiko steered them into a restaurant that seemed decent. She and Karin were ordering drinks when Utakata strode in and seated himself.

Aiko noticed something very interesting on the menu that required a lot of her attention.

There was a very long, very uncomfortable silence.  The waiter shifted on their feet.

“Hello,” Karin broke in. She kicked her heel against her chair. At least, that was probably what the little thump from under the table was. “Are you going to order something, or do you just subsist on hair cream and the smug satisfaction of being where you aren't wanted?”

“I'll have tea. Hot.” Utakata didn't take the bait.

The server beat a hasty retreat.

“Aiko-san,” Utakata said, in an incredibly pleasant tone. “I believe that we have had a very similar conversation before. May I request clarification? I had previously assumed that this issue was concluded.”

“I didn't kidnap this one, either,” Aiko defended. “She came here. And it's not even a lie. She's my relative, look at her.” She gestured. Karin preened on reflex. “Those cheekbones are telling the truth, Utakata. The pretty, pretty truth.”

“She's your sister,” Utakata said with no inflection.

“Oh.” Aiko shrugged, checking that no one was within hearing distance. “That's a lie.”

“Then it wasn't the truth,” he said patiently.

“It was basically the truth. It's close enough.” Aiko tilted her chin up, combative. “What the fuck is this? Do you tell me what to do now?”

He leaned in. “You can depart upon whatever course of action suits your fancy, but it would be helpful were I to have accurate information so that I might support you.”

She bristled.

“Mom, dad, I hate it when you argue.” Karin rapped her knuckles on the table. She raised an insolent little eyebrow.

“That's ridiculous,” Aiko rejected. She leaned back from Utakata's personal space. “I'm not old enough to be your mother.”

“Unless you are,” Utakata muttered.

“Maybe I am,” she allowed the possibility. “I could be as old as fifty.”

“Is she older or younger than your other ambiguous sibling or offspring?”

Aiko eyed Karin up. Side by said, she'd be able to pass Karin off as a year older than Gaara, but not the other way around. “Older,” she said, and that was true. She was pretty sure. “Or they could be twins. Depends.”

“You must choose one story.”

“Why?”

“Because-”

“I'm really starting to feel left out.” Karin sounded more bemused than anything. “Are you two actually married? Should I know you?”

“Yes,” Aiko said, because she couldn't parent two teenagers alone. “That's your stepdad Utakata, a great big slug person who likes to blow bubbles. He's a very nice man and you'll be helping him imprison some nice Konoha nin. Darling, sweetheart, please tell my sister daughter person all about your current project and have her show you how she can help.”

There was a lull around the table, but Karin and Utakata were probably reacting to different things.

“Goodbye. Enjoy lunch.” Aiko stood up and waived the server over. By the speed with which they made it over, no one had quite managed to forget the just who she was. “These two are having a working lunch, I'm afraid that I have to back out of. Please send the bill to my office, I'll balance the account within an hour of receiving it. Excuse me.”

She beat a hasty retreat.

When she made it back to the office, Gaara was waiting for her. She guiltily ushered him in, because it was a total fluke that she hadn't left him waiting through the lunch hour. If she hadn't fled Utakata and Karin, he'd be sitting here alone. How sad.

“Good afternoon, Gaara.” She stopped herself from patting his head as she passed by. “What did you think of Tazuna?”

Gaara considered this. “Old,” he said. “Knowledgeable. Lacks the self-preservation of a sand vole.”

She blinked. She thought about that for a moment. “Fair enough. I guess that's all empirically true. I was hoping to hear about his plans for city development.”

“Ah.” Gaara nearly let his eyes close. “Today, I learned....”

Silence stretched out while he mulled over his words. Aiko used it to check hopefully if someone had brought lunch yet. Nope.

“Irrigation and drainage,” he said.

Apparently he considered that enough.

“That they're important?” Aiko prompted. “Or you learned about the basics?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“I will drain water where there is too much. I will bring water where it is scarce.”

“How?”

“Through drainage and irrigation.”

She threw a pen at his head. The sand caught it and crushed it to pieces.

Gaara might have been smiling, but it was way deep on the inside. His actual expression remained impassive.

“You are a little shit,” Aiko informed him. “I saw you having a perfectly civil interaction with Tazuna-san earlier. I am asking for macro-level analysis.”

He made the saddest little motion with his shoulders. It was probably meant to have been a shrug. But it was so slow, small, and controlled that there was no possibility it was anything but a calculated imitation.

“I'm going to put you in the ocean,” Aiko said calmly.

“I will practice drainage.”

She blinked. “What, what?” She felt her brow furrow. “I don't think you can drain the ocean.”

“Do you suggest irrigation instead?”

The worst part of his insolence is that his tone was perfectly level, and his expression was the same as ever. Aiko crossed her arms and sat on her desk, on top of her folders. She looked at Gaara long and hard.

He was waifish and adorable, really, with his oversized clothes, mop of hair, and sleepy eyes. He was also the child of a kage, brilliant and damaged and separated from everyone he had ever known in a situation where everyone treated him differently than before. He was deeply suspicious, waiting for the other foot to drop.

He was imitating her interactions with Utakata as a way to relate to her, because he had few models of positive interaction. Probably he felt that she would abandon him if he offended her, and he was desperate to change his entire being in order to find a new purpose. He both admired and feared her.

She felt... sad, suddenly.

“You are a lot like me,” Aiko said, meaning absolutely nothing to do with the way he'd been needling a powerful figure. That wasn't really him, or at least not necessarily him.

Gaara gave her the same black stare, but there was somehow disbelief in it now.

“You're a good kid,” she said. She averted her eyes, because that was edging dangerously close to forgiving herself for having once been young and vulnerable. “I'm really starting to wonder if lunch is ever coming. I did ask for that to be brought here, didn't I?”

“Yes.” Gaara finally gave her a straight answer. “You did not give specifics. Therefore, my preference was asked.”

“Oh.” Aiko pursed her lips. “That's just fine. What are we having?”

“Rice, barley tea, tsukemono.”

She waited a couple off seconds for him to continue, but he didn't. “...Is that all?”

He frowned at her.

'I should have eaten with Karin after all. I'd be having pork.'

“Alright, then.” She brought her legs up onto her desk to sit more comfortably. “While I have you here, I wanted your thoughts on something. We need to contact Suna, to ensure that they won't count you a missing-nin once they realize you're here. I think being proactive is better. Who would have the clout to legitimize diplomatic action?”

The list was short, and the names he thought of were the same ones she knew. The two elders would be able to lend weight to anything, but were unlikely to get involved. There were some senior jounin who might be able to gain public trust and authority, but no one truly stood out.

“So... To be honest, your genin team might be the biggest concentration of influence,” Aiko half-asked. It was what she'd wanted to hear. “Temari is not a genin in anything but name. The 16 year-old heir of the last Kazekage, an experienced jounin, and her 15 year old brother- it would be hard to countermand them, if they had some assurance of support or influence?”

“You want to lure Temari to Kirigakure.”

Aiko frowned at her apprentice. “Lure is a strong word. I'm going to send an invitation from the newly inaugurated Mizukage to Suna no Temari, eldest child and presumptive heir of the 4th Kazekage. To be honest, it's a bit rude, but it would be hard for other interest groups to protest it. They won't want to outright offend me, but it would make it very difficult for anyone to limit her influence by claiming she's an unknown. She probably won't want to come,  but it would be hard to turn down that golden opportunity to position herself as an authority.”

Gaara did not seem impressed by this logic.

“I think that Suna and Kiri can benefit each other.” Aiko crossed her legs. “We have too few personnel to handle our mission load and reconstruction, which means that higher level contracts are getting filled slowly and in fewer numbers. That will hurt our clientele and influence them to take their business elsewhere. Suna, on the other hand, has been hurting for lack of missions to support the populace.”

Gaara startled, green eyes firmly fixed on her.

“It's obvious,” Aiko dismissed. “Do you agree with my suggestion?”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “How many?”

She bit her lip for a moment. “Twenty, for now. Including you.”

Someone knocked on the door. They both ignored it.

“How long?”

“Six months, to be re-evaluated later.”

He shook his head. “Far too long. Shifts of two month, in three waves.” He frowned. “Staggered, so that more experienced shinobi can help the newer ones acclimate.”

“Are you supervising them?”

Gaara actually grimaced, which was hilarious.

“Point taken.” She leaned over to pat his head. He accommodatingly moved his head forward just enough that she didn't overbalance and fall off the desk. “I'll draft the letter requesting that your sister visit.”

Saito-san pushed the door open and gestured a genin in with two trays of food. She didn't even pretend that she hadn't been listening in. “I could have a messenger sent to the business district, Mizukage-sama.” She sounded incredibly, depressingly resigned.

Gaara's eyes widened.

“Other sister,” Aiko said hastily. “Karin.”

“How many are there?” Saito-san asked, but she didn't seem to be talking to Aiko.

“Karin?” Gaara said quietly. His brow furrowed.

She considered fleeing this interaction, too, but actually she was pretty hungry. So she slid off of her desk and cleared off a space for her tray and Gaara's. The genin set them down and began backing away. “Itadakimasu.” She picked up her blue chopsticks, noted the slightest scent, and sighed. She set them down. Gaara had never made a move for his own food. “Saito-san.” Aiko made eye contact. “Are you trying to poison me?”

The older woman was very still. “I am not, Mizukage-sama.”

That was the kind of statement that compelled her bodyguards to come out, even before Aiko had to beckon.

“I wondered how long this would take,” the Sanbi said cheerfully. “I was surprised no one had tried to kill you all this time. Admittedly, you were out of the village often.”

Aiko kept her stare as cold as possible. “Please take yourself and your assistant out. Provide these professionals with a list of the people who provided the food and utensils. I hope to see you tomorrow morning.”

Saito was so pale as to look ill. “Mizukage-sama, my loyalty to Kirigakure is absolute. I have nothing to do with this.”

“I hope so.” She waved the requisitioned Hunter-nin out. “I think that Gaara and I will find another lunch.” Aiko watched her office head escorted out of the building in custody, head held high.

“Fuck,” she said. “Who is going to finish that report before my meeting tomorrow?”

“Aiko-sama?” Gaara's arms were crossed again, body language closed off.

It probably wasn't a good time to try touching him. She took a moment to really fucking hate whoever was trying to kill her this time. Gaara had been relaxing, before. Fuck.

“Goddamnit,” she said, apropos of nothing. Aiko sighed. “At least I know you can sense poisons. I smelled it, did you-?”

He shook his head. “There's grains of something plant-based in the tsukemono.”

“It's sweet,” she agreed. “Too sweet for daikon. Goddamit.” Aiko gritted her jaw. “Let's... go out for lunch. You should meet Karin.”

“Who is my sister?” Gaara said, dry as the desert he came from.

“Probably.” Aiko locked her office door from the inside with a sharp, irritated movement. “I might change my mind on that, so don't quote-”

The ichibi rose.

She darted to the side before turning, but the sand wasn't aiming for her. Gaara was stretching his palm towards Obito. He was sitting on her chair.

Her shoulders dropped. “Rude. That's just rude.”

He didn't smile at her. “Good afternoon, Aiko. You should go rescue your brother before he dies.”

“Brother?” Gaara asked, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from Obito.

“Explain that.”

“I believe that Itachi went to check in on his younger brother under the pretense of pursuing a target and gathering information on a target that has disappeared,” Obito said, not sounding especially interested in any of this. “He met with several Konoha shinobi, and has taken a hostage. A summon conveyed this information less than an hour ago, as well as the fact that they have left Konohagakure but not Fire Country.”

“Where is he going?”

Obito snorted. The answer was obvious.

“There directly?” Aiko demanded.

“I believe so,” Obito said. “Akatsuki would be most prudent to go in order, but Pein has been angered by the disappearance of a target whose location was thought to be fixed.” His one-eyed gaze rested on Gaara. “Taking the kyuubi at this juncture can be explained as opportunism, by a man with a grudge against Konoha. It won't send the other jinchuuriki to ground.” He huffed. “Last I heard, they were planning to pass the 3rd border patrol between Shi and Sho stations. They're probably through already, but you could pick up the track there.”

She grabbed his arm, thinking of probable routes that Kisame and Itachi would take out of Konoha. “I'll need you. I can't fight them both.”

Obito pulled his arm away gently. “I have a cover to maintain.” He gave her a one-eyed squint. “I'm hoping you'll help me deplete Akatsuki's ranks, but I can't be associated with your efforts if one of them escapes. Happy hunting, Aiko.”

She nodded, reluctant. “Thank you.” Aiko swallowed. “I appreciate the information.

He gave her a thin smile and then melted away into Kamui.

“Aiko-sama?”

“I need to go.” Aiko gritted her teeth and tried to remember the most likely location to cut Itachi and Kisame off. If they'd left Konoha with Naruto hostage, they'd be traveling fast, directly to Ame. Once they made it past the final rings of tight security, they'd travel fast until they hit the border.

She needed backup.

Gaara was too young, and a jinchuuriki besides. She wouldn't bring another target to Akatsuki, which ruled out Utakata except in direst need. Mei was probably trying to kill Aiko. Ao was her man, she didn't trust Chojuro would do any damn good against a more experienced swordsman, and-

“Right,” Aiko said, slightly regretting what she was about to do before she did it. But the list of people who were powerful and trustworthy for this was rather short. Okay, so she'd go get him, rescue Naruto, and then- right. She'd almost forgotten. Aiko pointed at her apprentice. “Gaara, my wallet is in the top left drawer, go get lunch.”

He scowled.

“I love you, be good,” she said quickly, and then she was gone.

It was hard not to flinch when a hostile suddenly appeared behind you. Yamato kept down the grimace and turned to face his visitor. “Mizukage-sama,” he said mildly. “You look well.” The sweat running down his back itched.

Uzumaki-san glanced around the area, checking 1-2-3 on the guards. “Yamato-san.” She gave him a thin smile. Something about it sent a warning to his hindbrain. “I'd like to make a deal with you. I need to deal with a – threat to my personal interest,” she said. Her pulse was jumping. “Two powerful figures have taken the kyuubi jinchuuriki, as part of their campaign to acquire all of the bijuu.”

He felt the blood drain out of his face.

'If she's telling the truth, this is bad.'

“Neither of us want that,” Uzumaki-san said. She wasn't wrong. “Come with me. You can escort Naruto back to Konoha.”

“Who are we talking about?” Yamato pushed his hair back, missing his happa. “I'll need my equipment.”

'This feels like a trick, but I can't see what benefit she could get from it. Why would she choose me? To legitimize her presence in an operation in Fire Country? Because she can't trust her people to keep a Konoha jinchuuriki safe? That could be it. But it would imply she doesn't have good control over her people. Interesting, if true.”

Uzumaki nodded sharply to the closest guard. “Get all of his equipment,” she ordered sharply. “Bring it here. And you, pass over your soldier pills- medkit? Yes. You, come with us.”

The Hunter-nin scattered to do her bidding, which did make this seem convincing.

She finally turned her purple gaze back to him. “Akatsuki's Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigaki Kisame are the enemy,” Uzumaki-san said. “Leave Uchiha to me. I suspect that Hoshigaki will be carrying Naruto. You two will retrieve him safely and occupy Hoshigaki until I can help you.” She paused and addressed the nin whose equipment she was requisitioning. “You take a message to Utakata once we've left here informing him of where we've gone. I'll be taking your other teammate as well.”

“Two Hunter-nin and I against Hoshigaki?” Yamato asked. Hoshigaki, Hoshigaki. “He was a hunter-nin too, wasn't he? He'd know the tactics well.”

“Yes,” Uzumaki said shortly. “That's why you'll be taking point while my people run interference and backup.” She gave the remaining hunter-nin a look over Yamato's shoulder. “Is that acceptable?”

He wasn't certain she was talking to him, but he nodded just the same. “I want my teammate as well,” Yamato tried. “I'll work well with him.”

“He'll just get killed,” Uzumaki-san said shortly. “He's weak against water jutsu.”

'How does she know that?'

She appeared to dismiss him- ah, the hunter-nin had returned. Yamato got changed as quickly as possible, shucking the sweat towel around his neck in favor of his flak jacket and hastily fastening weaponry and equipment pouches. He pulled his uniform pants on directly over the pants he'd been given, because he wasn't flashing his underpants to the Mizukage. She waited with what he was now recognizing was tightly leashed violence, not calm.

'She seems to think she'll be able to take on Uchiha. I don't like making a plan based on that assumption. If she's wrong, things will turn ugly quickly.'

But she was taking him back to Fire Country. He'd get no better offer than that. As a Konoha nin, he couldn't pass up a chance to escape custody and aid in retrieval of a Konoha shinobi.

“I'm ready,” Yamato lied, feeling his stomach clench. The Mizukage held out her left arm to her hunter-nin. After a pause, they both took hold of her forearm. The two gloved hands dwarfed the Mizukage's arm, making her look disturbingly fragile. Yamato copied the gesture when she reached out with her right.

And then they were in a forest.

[kelasparmak]

Naruto for 001?

Favorite character: Kakashi

Least Favorite character: Probably the Sandaime? Like, at least most of the villains are upfront about it, but I felt like Hiruzen made a lot of bad choices that he treated as if they were ~a necessary evil~ but they were really not necessary; I think he very deliberately decided ‘there’s nothing I can do about this’ when there were things he could have done and he was just too cowardly to do them.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Gai and Kakashi, of course! I’m also pretty invested in Ino and Sakura, Naruto and Gaara, Kakashi and Yamato, and Anko and Kurenai. I am also big into team triads, which would in practice probably not be a good idea, but which I imagine would in reality happen a lot and would at least be definitely healthier as a team dynamic than love triangles. (Out of these, I’m probably most invested in poly Team 8, but poly Team Gai is also very close to my heart.)

Character I find most attractive: I feel a little weird thinking about Naruto characters in these terms, I guess because I went from being the same age as or younger than the child characters when I started reading it to almost as old as the adult characters initially were now. I’m pretty sure Anko is the most attractive to me personally, but I think if we assumed age-appropriateness Neji and Temari would also be contenders since I had pretty big crushes on both when I was a kid.

Character I would marry: I mean, it would be an odd relationship no matter who it was, but thinking about I guess I’d probably most like to marry Kurenai and help her raise Mirai? But also there are so many characters I’d be happy marrying, so.

Character I would be best friends with: I would love to be best friends with Anko, but probably Shiho, the ditzy code-breaking nerd lady.

A random thought: I think a lot about how fucked up it is that even in Konoha (which IIRC in canon has a reputation for being the bleeding heart softie village? I might be wrong) up until recently it was apparently normal for kids to make genin and chuunin super young. Like, idk if Kishimoto wasn’t thinking about how dark it was and just wanted to emphasise that Kakashi and Gai are super talented, but according to the databooks didn’t they make genin at 5 and 6 respectively? And when Kakashi puts Team 7 up for the chuunin exams he tells Iruka he made chuunin at half their age (which was either 12 or 13, so yeah, he’d have been six). Like, just thinking about what being a genin requires in terms of mental and physical discipline, let alone the kind of risk involved in going on missions, that is super fucked up, and it is absolutely impossible that they were well-prepared enough after a maximum of two possible years of education. Maybe it was because it was wartime but it’s still like… wow. Goes double for Kakashi making chuunin the year after making genin. Shit’s fucked. Also it adds a new level of hypocrisy to the Sandaime acting like a friendly old grandpa to Naruto and Iruka, and acting appalled when he found out about Root, when not long before he’d presumably been personally sending a 6 year old the same age as his son off to kill or be killed. Like it’s bad enough sending a 12 year old off to do that, but at least by that point they’d been in training for it (in terms of physical training, knowledge and probably most importantly psychological/emotional training) for longer than Kakashi had been alive when he graduated the Academy. Like, yikes.

An unpopular opinion: I don’t know if it’s unpopular per se, but I don’t think I really like either Naruto or Kakashi being Hokage. From what we see of Naruto as Hokage he doesn’t really change anything and I think it is actually a relatively popular opinion that that’s disappointing. I would have preferred it if he’d never become Hokage at all and had changed the world as a hermit not affiliated with any village and helping everyone he could to believe in the Power of Friendship instead. Or if that’s too naive even for a shonen manga, started his own village with a hugely different system or something. And I don’t think Kakashi should have been Hokage either - he didn’t want to be, and while obviously he is intelligent and all, I think he’s much better as a solo operative than as someone with that kind of responsibility; as far as I’m concerned he wasn’t even cut out to be a teacher, he was way too fucked up and it’s canon that he didn’t sign up for it voluntarily. I don’t think he did a terrible job, but I think if Team 7 had been led by someone who knew how to be a human and interact with humans and had experience of being a normal twelve year old, things might have worked out a lot more happily. He could (and should!) still have been in their lives, but like… not with that level of responsibility, it wasn’t any good for them or for him and there’s no way the Sandaime could have reasonably expected it to be.

My canon OTP: I mean, Kakashi and Gai basically are canon at this point, for which I am eternally grateful. I guess out of the canon pairings that are explicitly romantic, I liked the bits we saw of Minato and Kushina’s dynamic, which looked like it was mostly Kushina beating people up (especially Jiraiya) while Minato watches dreamily with big heart eyes and his chin in his hands, going ‘that’s my wife’, and everyone around is mildly horrified by her violent fury. Also the housework sharing (feat. Minato in a pink apron) in the canon AU where they lived, which ought to be a basic requirement but is actually unusual enough to stand out.

Non-canon OTP: Ino/Sakura, I think. I know I always think things are ~obviously gay~ when they’re not meant to be, but even leaving romance out of it their rivalry over boys was very clearly demonstrated in the chuunin exam arc to be a way of them proving their worth to each other despite their insecurities. Not a smart or healthy way, but it was made clear that their competition over Sasuke was about their relationship to each other more than about Sasuke himself. Even if they never got together, I would fight to the death for my lesbian Ino headcanon.

Most badass character: A lot of the characters are way more badass in their potential than in canon, which maybe goes in part with it being a shonen manga (and a lot of the badassery comes from things that wuld actually be way too dark for kids) and partly just from it being a very big cast. In terms of canon though, I guess I’d probably say Gai or Tsunade.

Pairing I am not a fan of: Kakashi/Iruka, which I don’t have a problem with per se, I just don’t get it really. It doesn’t seem to be as prominent these days as when it used to be everywhere, but I just don’t really feel like it would work out very well as a relationship. I also really don’t like the idea that Rin, after watching from the afterlife as Obito murdered so many people, including Minato and Kushina, ~in her honour~, would go ‘aww! look how much you loved me! as a reward for turning back to the light side in the end, we are now in love’. Like, she was a medic, and she was one of the sweetest characters in the manga and stubborn as hell when it came to her principles - she wouldn’t see that as a sign of how much he cared about her, she’d be horrified.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): I mean, pretty much all of them. Yamato in particular was screwed over more than screwed up, and Anko too - I think Kishimoto just forgot about them both. As for actively screwing a character up, I think Sakura probably? I don’t mind the idea of a lot of the ninjas retiring relatively early and raising kids, because a) it’s the kind of job where you and your body would get worn out pretty fuckin quick so early retirement ought to be the norm since even with specialised medical care and constant training you’d lose your edge by 40 most likely and losing your edge means dying, b) if you’re gonna have kids at least one parent needs to retire from active duty to raise them on account of the hours and the high death rate. But at the end of the Shinobi War arc Sakura was just coming into her own as a hugely talented combat medic and I don’t think it was in-character for her to settle down yet, especially since Sasuke wasn’t ready to or made to. I’d have been happy with her settling down and leaving active duty for a high-profile medical position once Sasuke was done adventuring, but I honestly can’t see her being satisfied with giving all that up so young, given her drive throughout the series up until then to prove herself as a combat medic.

Favourite friendship: I mean. Kakashi and Gai. Again. Their dynamic is so good and they understand each other so well and they support each other so much (Gai in particular stands out, especialy because he’s the most vocal about it and lbr Kakashi is a mess all the way through the series and so he’s the one we see needing support most often, but it is a mutual thing). But in the interest of variety I’ll pick one I haven’t mentioned yet, and say the Sandsibs. Even while they were terrified of Gaara and he kept going on about how much he hated them, they clearly did also care about him, and all of the flashbacks to them as children are heartbreaking. And after the chuunin exam arc when he decides to let them in, they’re always so sweet and they love each other so much.