#and her and my mom talk constantly
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#sad some people didn’t even message me happy birthday#like my aunt and my uncle#like my aunt knows it’s my birthday bc her daughter and I share a birthday#and her and my mom talk constantly#also a few friends didn’t say anything#idk today has just been so
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i’m like. young and don’t even have my first degree yet why does getting recommended r/FirstTimeHomeBuyer feel like getting punched in the throat 😭
#frothing at the mouth bc i’m not a fat asf suburban soccer mom yet#i wanna be ur obese neighbor that’s like 10lbs heavier every time u see her#JK i want to bake and give baked goods to my neighbors constantly#you’d see me constantly and yes you’d gain a lil weight from my company#whoops!#talk#LETNME FANTASIZE
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i’ve seen + heard people say that they thought norman bates was creepy from the beginning of the movie but that’s not my interpretation at all, i think now that that everyone knows the plot of psycho as pop culture trivia, it’s impossible to watch psycho the way it was meant to be seen (hitchcock basically changed how movies were shown in theaters so that audiences would see the whole movie from beginning to end and wouldn’t see the plot twist first, for the sake of suspense! now there’s not the same kind of suspense because every single person in the audience knows who the killer is). i think there’s clear foreshadowing and the whole vibe of the motel is creepy, but norman himself, while a bit awkward, i think comes across as endearing and kind but extremely lonely. obviously as certain things are revealed, he gets creepier, but imo the truly bad thing that he does consciously is cover up his “mother’s” crimes but ofc he has to try to protect her. none of what happens in the movie is premeditated or malicious or even intentional on his part. he’s not even a good liar. idk i really think you’re supposed to see his narrative alignment with marion and feel sympathy for how completely trapped he is in his life, while also being scared of him, at first as someone potentially predatory, then as an accomplice to murder, then as a murderer himself. but not until AFTER his conversation with marion!!
#i think this is also why i have trouble with the bates motel version of his character#i think he’s written to be a little bit too weird and rigid#like he hardly has any personality unless he’s feeling an extreme emotion#i think it’s getting better as the show progresses to be fair#but there’s a lot in this show that i’m like. how does this connect to psycho lmao#but what i do really appreciate in the tv series is how strong his white knight complex is#and how totally misguided it is lol#and i think they do a great job of writing a version of norma bates who norman wouldn’t be able to lose#and show what made her so wonderful and why their relationship was so close#while also highlighting the flaws and tensions in that relationship#and why she would become so erratic and domineering and violent in norman’s mind when he dissociates#because it’s hard to reconcile the version of her that he thinks of as crazy and unstable with the version that is his favorite person#they’re just constantly accusing each other of being crazy and then being ashamed of themselves for saying that and taking it back#anyway uhhh. i love my boy. i love MY interpretation of my boy#i think there’s so much going on beyond ‘he dresses like his dead mom and kills people’#and i think people make it hard to talk about the main themes of the movie because they have a preconceived notion of what the movie is#not that that’s not a big part of the movie but like. it colors people’s interpretation of the character before they even watch the movie#psycho
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Before I started campaign 2 I was like “oh no :(( I’m gonna miss Bahumia so much :((“ and now that I’m finished with campaign 2 and ready to hop into campaign 3 and go back to Bahumia I’m like “oh no :(( I’m gonna miss Eldermourne so much :((“
The cycle continues
#the world of eldermourne seems so expansive I would love to see more of it explored#I was really happy we got those hexbud episodes so we kinda got to see a different side of it even within the main campaign#but I would love love LOVE to see even more of it if the gang still thinks there are stories to tell there#zirk vervain has become one of my favorite characters. what a loser (affectionate)#but also GOD to raw emotions of him cutting ties with his mom and trying to actually help others#after years of swindling them and causing harm through the deception#and fia having to wrestle between her past (her trauma + the one good thing in her childhood irina)#and her present (Henry and zirk and the friends she has made in her journey)#to build a better future was such a good part of the finale#and Henry who has lived all these lives constantly running away#only to finally meet people who give him the courage to stand up and fight in this life#my friend told me there’s a sizable group of people who don’t like eldermourne which makes me sad like damn#anyways. I will start ba2umia in the new year. very excited for that even as I say goodbye to my friends the third mates#eldermourne#naddpod eldermourne#naddpod#naddpod c2#white weasel talks
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That post about huge red flags from exes is going around and I’m like well mine requires some background reading
#xrdslog#um basically. made a bet they could convince me to kiss them and constantly hinted at it until it happened and then bragged about it a lot#then I told them I was aro#then we got a headmate that they had a crush on and started dating#and then used that to argue that I should date them bc it’s easier if it’s both of us#and then prioritized me over him#also: this headmate is one I have a father and son relationship with#so what the hell#also told me they fixated on people and they still loved me but they were fixated on their friend so couldn’t give me attention#their friend who they called their not-girlfriend. because that friend’s husband wasn’t comfortable with her being poly#and they still wanted to date her so they just called her that instead#gifted me an expensive adult toy and then took it and gave it to said not girlfriend#which. ok sure. but then why tell me it was a gift#demanded to talk to certain headmates and made a big fuss about knowing exactly who did what even though they were rarely correct#pushed me away whenever they were sad and then was upset I wasn’t comforting them#I baked banana bread once on a whim and then they constantly made me make it for them when I didn’t want to#NEEDED music playing at night and fans on them and they got upset if I didn’t want to sleep by them even though I couldn’t#‘pretended’ to choke me when I got a rare item in final fantasy before them#wanted to rp with me but demanded I start it because they were tired of starting rps with their friend. ok. not my fault ?#more than once tried to get me to sign a lease with them even though I had no money or job#got mad at me because my art was good? and they didn’t think theirs was or that they were creative?#did not ever compliment me without an insult attached for the last three years of our relationship#constantly tried to talk about sex or illegal things in front of my mom#constantly bragged about how they were going to become rich when their grandma died and hoped it happened soon#The Entire Trauma Part where they barely comforted me at all#oh also I spent basically sixteen hours a day in VC with them every day and they broke up with me for not spending enough time with them#even though I could not Possibly have spent More time with them#there is more than this. but this is off the top of my head. lol.
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there are just certain sentences that are completely true and mean exactly what it seems like they mean but like give very incorrect implications, like:
one of my mom's best friends who visited all the time when i was growing up was her former lesbian roommate who she still deadnames to this day, but at least she feels bad about it when i call her out on it now, and i wonder if that had anything to do with why my mom likes melissa etheridge so much.
#at any rate i was glad to have a literary lesbian role model in my life lol#i also really want to talk to her about gender stuff at some point bc i didn't really understand anything about that last time i saw her#and was deeply in denial about being trans and definitely wasn't about to bring that up with my mom's friend lol#but i'm so curious what gender labels she applies to herself since she did change to a gender neutral name#and maybe now we could start a club of people my mom claims to support and yet deadnames constantly‚ lol and my sister can join now too#lesbian#trans lesbian#trans#transgender#queer#transbian
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When you have to take off your socks to change into clean socks and your bare feet touch the floor for exactly fifteen seconds and the dry, smooth sensation makes you want to chop your toes off
#It’s awful#I used to think short carpet was bad but vinyl flooring is the literal WORST#They should make socks that are lined with a rubbery nubby texture for people with sensory issues and/or allodynia#who find light or sliding contact painful and need deep pressure to function#This is why my grandma always wore her penny loafers— even in the hospital bed#I know what you were grandma#I KNOW you#She knew the lyrics to every song ever from 1890–1980 and would spontaneously burst into song if something you said reminded her of a song#And her mother used to sit down and read the dictionary for fun and was essentially a walking encyclopedia#despite dropping out of school at a young age because she just absorbed everything she could find#My aunt talks really really fast and for a really long time and constantly crochets to keep her hands busy#and according to my mom would rock in a rocking chair for hours and hours#All of my uncles and my mom are slightly socially awkward and take LOONG pauses between words sometimes#and something about their neutral facial expressions is “off” and guess who else looks “off” when I’m not purposefully grandiose#Moi [frames face with hands]#me#I can’t quite put my finger on it but I look a little too “dreamy” and like a fish out of water simultaneously#Like “the lights are off but someone is definitely in there watching and it’s kind of creeping me out”#And I will also read the dictionary for fun and I also happen to be a walking encyclopedia#Right now I’m into herbalism and mushrooms and psychotropic substances so I will recite paragraphs of information unsolicited#about any of those things#I guess it’s a branch off my main interest in psychology and human biology
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Absurd that dreams can just play pretend at being memories. Me when I have to actually take a moment to go 'no, that's insane, there was no point in the real world where several small spiders made homes in the gaps between your fingers. Why did you think that was real and why did we have to think about it this long.'
#tide of consciousness#That's one of the more absurd and recent examples#Sometimes it's much more convincing because it's something that obeys reality#Like a conversation with someone#Sometimes this is not very nice to me.#And people wonder why I'm constantly questioning my memories and what is or isn't real#(That's a lie I never tell anyone I do that)#ANOTHER EXAMPLE.#I have a very strong memory of getting lost in a store and desperately searching for my mom#And then getting scolded for wandering off when I find her#I only realized like. IN THE PAST YEAR. that did not happen. That store does not exist#It was like if Chuck e cheese was costco#Don't get me started on the nightmare year (that may or may not have happened)#Unreality#<- just in case talking about this might trigger someone#(Guy who really wants to remember his dreams voice) this is Not what I meant
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having mommy issues be like I hate that you know me I hate that we’re related I hate that you birthed me I hate that you don’t know how to love me properly I hate that you can’t see how much you hurt me I hate that I’m expected to love you
#cy says stuff#I moved out when I was 17 for a reason#but I do still go back to visit when schools out sometimes and I regret it every single time#every time we talk I’m like damn is it time to call it quits because this is not it#I literally feel like I’m constantly on the brink of being disowned or kicked out of the house when I’m there#but it’s also for things like. bringing a single bottle of wine to a Christmas party that I did not even drink#or like. moving in with my partner of 4 years. because we are going to the 2nd most expensive city in Canada and girl I cannot pay the rent#or being upset when she reads my diary ?? or reads my credit card statements without permission and also just like behind my back??#like do you think I’m not going to find out when you bring up information you only would’ve known if you had read those things#I can put two and two together…#also I’m literally almost done my university degree. i am fully an adult. these should not be issues !#ahhhhh!!!#anyways I will speak to my therapist about this lol#also y’all my friends are always like oh I love my mom and it just seems to be a socially accepted thing that you should love your mom#but what if your mom sucks what then#I genuinely cannot relate to them I’m like literally what does that feel like#the first time I felt loved was when I was 15 lol there is 0 love in my family#anyways !#it’s okay I am out of it and I have been out of it#just#always on the brink of cutting her off forever lol#some ppl just never change as much as you want them to and that is tough to accept.#it is also harder because society is telling my that I need to stay loyal to my family cause they’re blood#but if this were anyone else I would’ve blocked them so long ago 😭
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so gavis name is said a lot in my house but the thing is. my parents keep calling him gabi. like gabriella. dad i expect this from, but mom speaks spanish so i expected better.
#im constantly going up to my mom n showing her videos of him talking#n im like 'what is he saying 😳'#gavi#pablo gavi#pablo martín páez gavira#fcb#barcelona#fc barcelona
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Trying to reset my sleep schedule by staying up for 24 hours and we've passed eepy into 'I'm perfectly fine unless I have to move my body in any way or have any active thoughts' so yeah I fucking wish I could work night shifts again bc my circadian rhythm is just NOT built for early to bed early to rise!!!
#i also bailed going out with the bestie bc that would involve leaving the apartment and being social#I haven't spoked to another human since Christmas and that was just her and her mom#I don't particularly miss it though- I have gone to the library a few times and got Wendy's so there has been human interaction#but I! Hate! Talking to people! it's genuinely so exhausting to have to be 'on' constantly!!#let me just live my life in my home and go amongst the people occasionally without having to do the whole song and dance!#personal
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"My mom makes me really upset sometimes" and "I love my mom she's the best" can and do coexist, thank you.
#this friend of mine is constantly shit talking my mom and it pisses me off#like. just because my mom occasionally makes me want to kill myself does not make her a bad mom#shes an incredible mom#blabbing
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Ugh I was excited for today until I found out I'd have to spend it with people that actively make me hate being alive hate the future and drain me off all energy physically mentally spiritually like a vampire I can't stand to be around her she is the definition of stupidity and even then that's generous as fuck this bitch has filled her brain with so much garbage I watch her brain cells die at alarming rates every single time she uses her vocal cords her giggles make me want to jam a sewing needle into my ear repeatedly so I can never have to hear it again its a friendly reminder that my parents decisions this time my dad's constantly makes me want to die
#i cant even shes just so dangerously stupid#she thinks energy drinks with natural caffeine are safe to give people who have been told by doctor doing take caffeine with thia meds#ahe thinks of a child is CHOCKING to lie them face down n rub their back#she has the evangelical woman voice worse then women I've met n that cult ahe giggles constantly and behaves like the stereotype lil german#boy just got a lollipop over.... everyone and everything whe acts likw an 11 year old I just got the first boyfriend and all they could talk#is how perfect their boyfriend is and they're so pretty good for that I pulled a boyfriend is and it's like a God thing that they met how#SOOOOOOOOOO in love while constantly nonstop touching ahe has to be touching him her hand on his thigh her atm linked with his her heaf on#his chest she has to be in her lap they make out all over the place IT'S DISGUSTING AND EMBARRASSING STOP SWAPPING SPIT#she started a i. hwr words 'love diary of their love journey' they hadn't been dateing 2 months her kids are spoiled fake Instagram bitches#with such shitty views on politics SHE'S A TRUMP FAN GIRL SHENLOVES TRUMP MY DAD BROUGHT IN A TRUMPIE#there's so much i cant even say because even admitting it on tumblr is too embarrassing i wanted.to.likw her i liked her the first day but#THE MORE I GET TO KNOW GET THE MORE N MORE N MISS RED FKAGS#she threw away all my siblings clothes school books toys uniforms for sports their in toys i bought them that week make up jewelry#in the disguise of helping clean house#while i was at the hospital the kids call me in tears i call her beg her to wait and nope.ahe didn't i found the bags by the curb i brought#my dad sided with hwr because 'she didn't mean any harm she didn't know sje was throwing them away'#my mom hasn't bsen dead a year he started dating right after ahe died#hes talking about marrying this woman this woman who has never had an honest educated thought once in her life#WHO ASLO SPEMDA MONEY LIKE A DRUNKEN SAILOR AHE CAME FROM A WITCH FAMILY HER LAST TWO HUSBANDA WERE TOUCH SHE HAS NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE COMMON#SHE SPENDS LIKE SHE STILL HAS MONEY WHEN SHE DOSE NOT AND IT'S LIKE YOU DID NOT JUST SPEND OVER 180 DOLLARS N PASTRIES GOD#SHES SO FUCKIN STUPID AND EVERY HOLIDAY SINCE MY MOM DIED WVERY FAMILY GWT TOGETHER BECAUSE WE DON'T TALK OR.DO ANYTHING WITH MOM'S SIDE#OF THE FAMILY ANYMORE SHE'S THERE EVERY WINGLE MOTHER FUCKIN WEEKEND SHES HERE I'M EXHAUSTED SHES PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY DRAINING TO BE ARO#OUND SHES LIKE IF SOMEONE TOOK A GOLDEN RETRIEVER ON A DIET OF JUST FUCKIN COCAINE LITTLE GERMAN BOY WITH LOLLY AND CRUELLA DEVILLE AND FUSE#THEN TOOK A STRAW AND DRANK ALL THE SMARTS OUT OF THAT BEING#UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGH MY DADS GOIN TO NARRY RHIA BITCH SHES GOIN TO TRY TO BE A MOTHER TO ME AND MY SIBLINGS AND THEY'RE GOIN TO#be so fucked up because her kids are not ok SHE FUCKED THEM OVER BAD SHE HAS FOUR KIDS ALL ADULTS THEY'RE JUST WOW#I HATE MY LIFE I HATE WHAY FUTURE MY FAMILY IS GOIN TO BE THE GOOD THINGS IS I WON'T HAVE TO STAY I CAN GO N MAKE A NEW ONE WITH MY WIFE#FOR ME BUT MY SIBLINGS ARE FUCKED AND ANYTIME I WANT TO VISIT MY FAMILY YANDERE GOLDEN RETRIEVER BITCH WILL BE THERE WORMING HWR WAY IN#SHES CONSTANTLY CALLING N TEXTING MY DAD NONSTOP OF SHE'S NOT NEXT TO HIM AND IF HE CAN'T RESPOND INSTANT SHE FREAKS OUT N BUGS ME
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i gotta put the work into getting a therapist man i think it’s time. it’s fine having a psych to do the medical stuff but i have things to vent about i need a therapist to help me unpack lmfaoo
#ever.txt#Such as my mom constantly being a shitty parent to me and following it up with ‘you can talk to your therapist about this when you’re 30’#And her literally making fun of me when i told her i was going to a psychiatrist
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2025 needs to be the year i finally am free of my ENTIRE family like i need to be alone alone. for this to become reality i would have to move but that not a reality right now and if i was to move i want a nice house nice as is not in need of any repairs idc if its "outdated" honestly i'd love to live in a house that looks like it was built in the 90s that seems so homey and cute. i don't wanna rent because at this point i'm realizing i'm a person who has a lot of stuff and idk that a tiny apartment would be able to hold me
#ok i never talk about it but when my grandmother died in 2021 i inherited her house#it was supposed to be just mine but my mom had to get involved so now its mine and my brothers and i constantly have to deal with him just#popping in whenever he wants which is like literally half the reason i never date and have no friends#cuz i can never fucking be alone#bro i got more alone time in college#and when my brother had a girlfriend it was worse like id have to leave whenever she was over#of course i didnt have to but its a tiny house and i didnt want to be around them#also i didnt like her lmao idk we were just like very opposite its not PERSONAL though she seemed to take it that way#not that i said 'hey i dont like you' but she was reading my posts on my old blog when i would vent about her and him#anyway also the house is right next to my parents house and as i said my mom cant mind her business#lol i need to MOVE#very grateful to own a home do not get me wrong im just sick of my family
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shut up about your diet shut up about your diet if i hear the words 'intermittent fasting' again ill kill someone
#do people really dont fucking talk about anything else these days?#been visiting my aunt and uncle in norway for two weeks. been here for ten days and every. fucking. day. there has been talk about#intermittent fucking fasting cause my uncle is doing it now and talks about it fucking constantly.#he saw i was very uncomfortable. asked why. i said why. he said ok i wont talk to you about it.#next day. guess what was the number 1 topic of conversation lmao#now i hear him talking to his mom on the phone and he literally just told her she should try it too and then the worst fucking sentence ever#'well if you feel hungry you should drink a glass of water' i felt as if someone slapped me lmao literally could murder someone rn#like. obviously. i have no right to demand anything from anyone. but fyi if you speak to me about your fucking weight loss diet#i will flay myself in front of you <3 no hard feelings. peace and love.
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