#and get fucking validation for it
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no one wants him to be harry
just because something is hard for you it doesn’t mean is not easy generally speaking
why don’t you go get whipped or slapped or whatever it is you do and stop talking nonsense
Why are y’all so fucking obsessed with my sex life akfkakfkakf is it cause you don’t have sex???
#and don’t give me that ‘you talk about it a lot’ cause I know I don’t#and since you CLEARLY have issues with me you’d only know that if you fucking followed me or checked in on me more often#also also I’ve spoken with Louies before#y’all absolutely want him to be Harry’s level of fame#i believe I was once directly told ‘what’s so wrong with wanting him to play the same venues as Harry’#y’all use Louis as your stand in for feeling important in 1D fandom#and solos have ALWAYS pushed YOUR expectations on him#because (again this is something I have been directly told by solos) you want to be able to tell people who you life#and get fucking validation for it#you don’t want to feel ‘weird’ or ‘judged’ for liking someone less mainstream#and that’s something y’all are gonna have to learn to cope with#there is gonna come a time in your life where you tell people the stuff you life#and no one is gonna know what they are#AND GUESS WHAT#THATS OKAY#also also#words mean something#and if something is HARD for someone that generally means it is NOT easy#but I feel like that isn’t something you’ve gotten to in your school lessons yet
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Studying linguistics is actually so wonderful because when you explain youth slang to older professors, instead of complaining about how "your generation can't speak right/ you're butchering the language" they light up and go “really? That’s so wonderful! What an innovative construction! Isn't language wonderful?"
#linguistics#gen z slang#english#as people in the reblog pointed out!#most gen z slang comes from (or was appropriated from) aave#honestly I was just excited to talk about how people in my field actually get excited about non standard uses of English#instead of ridiculing speakers#and I tagged incorrectly and didn’t point out the very real issues of language and power and appropriation inherent in modern slang#in that much of it was appropriated#and even that which experiences language change in the wider culture still originated in aave#aave is just as linguistically valid as any other English dialect because it is a proper language#and the grammar is incredible!!!#habitual be is fantastic and an excellent example of how a richer case system or a certain case can render an adverb unnecessary#and the phonology is just beautiful#anyway I’m very sorry#I fucked up
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I remember discussing Tintin casting choices with a friend from Germany and remarked how it was odd he often has an English accent in adaptations rather than a Belgian one, and my friend just replied "that's because Tintin gives incredibly strong English boy energy (derogatory)"
Here in the UK there's a lot of weird classism tied into accents. Today accent diversity and representation in broadcasting is actively pursued but in Tintin's time there certainly was a preferred accent to have.
imagine this exchange happens between pages 28-29 in The Crab with the Golden Claws
#tintin#adventures of tintin#comic#captain haddock#archibald haddock#snowy#milou#fanart#the crab with the golden claws#i remember tintin crafting a trumpet to communicate with an elephant#and he remarks he must get the accent correct#very odd scenario but it shows he would be a stickler for that sort of thing#i also have to say accents do not indicate how smart someone is#a lot of pundits use an english accent to sound more credible#but i have to say there are a lot of fucking idiots here#me included#thank you 2011 film for validating my scottish haddock headcanon#any french speakers who have read to this point i wonder what your hcs are for his french speaking accent
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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Just had a friend show me a conversation in a fan discord about Suvi as a Black American woman in the context of the fallout from the election. And honestly? Yeah. The blueprint is simple: Black women are expected to put their own priorities and emotions on hold to show up for everyone else's battles and hold endless space for everyone's feelings while simultaneously weathering attacks on our character (oh she's so angry/aggressive/violent/rude) and authority (she's a woke hire/affirmative action quota/nepobaby) without complaint. We're expected to save the day under nigh-impossible circumstance, and with fewer resources and support that is AT BEST, conditional.
So yeah, relistening to Suvi's speech in The Witness hurts now. Because that's exactly the feeling I'm wrestling with, and what I see mirrored in the Black women around me. We are exhausted and angry and sad. Those voter percentages are a betrayal of "we" that was promised by other marginalized groups when speaking of the interconnectedness of our liberation. And the unexamined expectation that we immediately rise from the depths of our despair to prepare for the next fight is a cruelty. Suvi isn't real, but if this helps lend empathy toward actual Black women in the world, then I'm glad.
#worlds beyond number#the wizard the witch and the wild one#there's a reason I spent so much time scrapping with fans misremembering plot#always with the aim of painting Suvi as 'the bad/mean one' universally responsible for any party friction#i've clocked dozens upon dozens of threads maligning her and nitpicking every choice she makes#and holding her alone to a ridiculous standard of behavior#while rooting for her to experience enough pain/loss to bend her to their preferred trajectory#and dismissing her emotions as Citadel programming unworthy of consideration#it's just more fucking misogynoir at the end of the day#i saw a post calling her an abuser for not being *nice* enough to Ame when she arrived at the conclave#and all i can think is 'why do you need her to mask her VALID emotions for others' sakes?'#and then i remember she's a black woman#and i get really tired for her (and me)#don't worry#i'll return to funky lil shitposts and art reblogs soon
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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me#yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai#and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X#dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU#for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...
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Guilt tripping people does nothing but cause vulnerable folks to spiral and make folks who dont live with moral OCD feel negatively toward your cause
#gopher rambles#what the fuck do I tag this as#feel free to reblog but you dont have to#edit: pls not that im not saying 'only folks with moral ocd are negatively affected' or 'if these make you spiral you have moral ocd'#i mostly pointed that out because folks on this hellsite seem to only give a damn about things folks feel if theres a 'valid reason' to#which is shitty and stupid. but sometimes you gotta work with the shitty stupid shit to get your point across
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im going to be so real something that really annoys me is people who seriously think its okay to say someone elses body makes them uncomfortable. i dont care what it is, whether its burn scars or self harm scars or men with boobs and curves or whatever. if just looking at someone else makes you uncomfortable genuinely get the fuck over it. you have to get over it.
#lamb.og#especially trans men who get uncomfortable with OTHER TRANS MEN who just dont look like them#like!! thats bigotry babe!!#bigotry born from disgust and discomfort is still bigotry.#saying you dont want to LOOK at someone because the way they look makes you uncomfurtable is so fucked up#and im tired of letting it pass and people acting like its valid and normal#sometimes you have to get the fuck over yourself im serious.#analyze that discomfort babe#is it helpful is it kind is it true or are you just being kind of an ass#a lot of the time youre just being an ass
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i just heard one of my favorite youtubers say this meme out loud in a video and the pronounciation FLOORED ME so now i gotta know:
poll is just "which way do you say it"; tags is "which way is right", assuming your answer to "which way is right" is different to "which way do you say it". or i guess tags are also for uhhhhhh if your answer is complicated and if you wanna explain, if you have a diff way of pronouncing (pls tell meeeee), or whatever else you want, im not your parents, idk
#i just.. diDNT THINK THERE WAS ANOTHER WAY TO PRONOUNCE IT???#but i heard [redacted pronounciation] and i just went ''pÁŔƊÓŃ???'' so i tried to think of all possible ones?#forgive me if theres already been a poll on this; i didnt see it and thus didnt know#edit: fuck!!! i just realizied you could combine the last two like i couldve made ''be o bo'' and ''bo be o'' each an option#if oNE OF THOSE TWO ARE THE MAJORITY (not that i expect many votes at all. but still!!) IMMA BE (1) SHOOK AND (2) McFUCKING BAFFLED#edit: wow. i thought id be lucky to get 20 in a week with my follower count. okay. damn. youre sweet ♡ also ''Boo boo''s you are so valid#im sorry i did not think to add you as an option. you are so right
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people who are obsessed with passing are gonna be the death of our community i swear
#i understand how and why so many succumb to that temptation and of course i get it ive been there but its POISON#listening to a podcast where a trans guy says getting maamed on the phone bc hes nice means he “failed”#is soooo .... ugh#my dude that happens to so many cis gay men are you kidding me#are you really about to study how to be mean on the phone rather than just correct somebody#or just like not define your existence by fleeting interactions w strangers#if you define yourself only by passing at all times youre gonna turn into a sad hudsons guide esque husk of yourself#fuck passing 2024 i am so over it#it truly is a never ending chase for cis validation and its bad for us!!!!!
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"Jason just needs to see things from his family's perspective and understand how much they love him (despite them never actually communicating or showing him through their actions)" is out. "The batfamily putting a single bit of effort into understanding Jason and reconciling with him on his own terms" is in.
#my dc posting#jason todd#dc#like genuinely i am sooo tired of the first#like yes yes jason is a stupid unstable idiot who misunderstands everything and somehow comes to the most stupid#wrong conclusions ever and he just needs to see things from his family's perspective#and learn how much they loved and missed him when he was dead WHATEVERRR can you shut uppp#cus yknow how many times i've read fic of any of the batfam actually holding jason's opinion as valid or even doing silly lil small things#like 'not horribly invading his privacy' and 'actually respecting his very reasonable boundaries'? VERY rarely.#when will i get to read a fic where jason's extremely valid&understandable complaints and critiques are actually taken to heart and#anyone puts any effort into actually improving themselves and finding a middle ground#but no sorry i forgot. jason's just a fucking idiot who misreads and misunderstands everything his family does bc he's not a goddamn mind#reader who can somehow understand every miniscule twitch of batman's cape#if my dad prioritized my abuser over me i'd be very valid in concluding he might not care for me that much actually </3#i stop being sympathetic to bruce's issues the moment they're used as an excuse for him to mistreat his kids sorryyy#sorry i'm in a pissy mood rn. this isn't directed at any one specific person i'm just annoyed how common this is. it's a whole pattern.#its own genre of jason fic with no warning for it
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like idk it just seems actually nefarious to take one of the very few widely known instances of queerness in older history being a symbol to show queer people that we've always existed and aren't alone for CENTURIES and taking away the queerness from it. like. i know some people say that ''the queerness isnt important in the book" which i mean in my opinion i could go off for 10k words in an essay as to how basil's love for dorian is integral to the story BUT EVEN APART from that its really just. having a real explicitly queer character in such an old and widely regarded classic novel is HUGE for queer history and this is just. literally like. its 2024. why are you doing queer erasure to DORIAN GRAY
#MAKE YOUR OWN SHIT OR LIKE GET OUTTT#WHAT????#also not the cishets going ''omggg queer people are predatory enough so it shouldnt change it to ship incest now" WHAT??????#girl do you see. what you are doing. girl. @ the creator#why do they let these people make adaptations. what the actual hell#amory rambles#SORRY IM LITERALLY LIKE ACTUALLY SO LIKE. DEEPLY OFFENDED RN WHICH IS LIKE SUCH A WORD TO USE I KNOW BUT LIKE#ITS ALL I CAN THINK OF TO SAY BECAUSE WHAT. THE HELL.#as an anthropology/creative writing major the importance of having these types of evidences of queer culture in history so far back#is something insurmountable in validating queerness#and to take that and like. oh my goddd#like i could go off for ages about even queer authors that arent so widely known as queer/didnt write explicitly queer things like gogol#who are erased to a point where you have to dig to learn about his history because its been so covered up by people trying to erase us#and like#in the year 2024 dear fucking lord!!#what are we doing???#sorry my dfjlksdfjsdf dfih8sojidfk s. sidhfojl kmsdf . im so actually mad right now LMAOOO#the picture of dorian gray#dorian gray#oscar wilde#tpodg#and like tpodg isnt even one of my favorite novels like i like it a lot but i see it as so fucking important#anywho#so glad we are all being loud as hell about this bc thats the way to make this mfer take notice
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I didn't survive through the bullshit aphobia discourse of 2016 and 2018 for y'all to try and pull this shit literally 3 days before 2024.
Clown fucking behavior.
#dreamer talks#asexual#aromantic#aspec#arospec#aromantics are valid#get your clown shit out of here#i'm so fucking tired
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so I had a revelation about the subconcious shape language I was using for my SI5 gang designs based on how I viewed them in S3..
#wolf 359#w359#SI5#Daniel Jacobi#Warren Keppler#Alana maxwell#and a bonus#doug eiffel#slightly freezer-burnt#as the bonus goofball#I realized when my Jacobi design kept getting longer and taller and esp when I looked at everyone else's designs#which overall most people seem to tend towards scruffy#or a little wild-looking#which is totally valid#but I hear him as fairly normal#slinky kinda guy idk#but that made me REALIZE#Kepler and Maxwell fairly short and stout..#long tall threatening aura Jacobi..#they're the fucking Penguins of Madagascar#silly
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actually i love it when the characters are all lying. i love it when they all have secrets and none of them trust each other. i love being given clues that solve puzzles i haven't even been presented with yet. i also love it when i get chills watching a scene without even knowing what it means, and when i do know what it means, i get even more chills. i love theorizing and thinking and solving and coming up with possibilities of where a story might be going. i love it and i will do it for free, for fun, for no real reason.
this is a mystery appreciation post!! if you appreciate mysteries and secrets and stories that slowly unravel before you, please interact!!!
#mystery >>>> true crime#mystery >>>> horror#i just really love me some mystery and thought that my love of mystery should be a tumblr post#gonna tag some shows and books that i love#1899#(i just started watching it today w/ my parent. already filling all of my 'good mystery show' requirements)#only murders in the building#all the wrong questions#a series of unfortunate events#yes. snicketverse is valid mystery fiction. get over it. snicketverse fucks.#the nevers#maaan....i miss the nevers. im so sad that it got cancelled it was some gooood shit.#agatha christie#aka the absolute queen of murder mystery. she IS the genre.#hercule poirot#i grew up on hercule poirot. i still love hercule poirot.#books#literature#mystery#murder mystery#appreciation post#genre fiction#fiction#writing#fritz rambles too much
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"if we make america worse and more of a dictatorship that will be even harder to unravel and make it the way we want the country to be, maybe then everyone will join our Glorious Revolution!" bb girl you cant even be in the same room with someone who thinks you should vote, how in tf do you think you're gonna unite people to fight in The Revolution with you? it's gonna be you and your 5 friends, i hate to break it to you.
#i dont think you realize how repelling you and your politics are to everyone else#you get all of your validation for how Smart You Are from your friends and ignore any kind of feedback that suggests you should#change or do something differently. thats the only reason you're so convinced average people will go along with you bc you keep getting#affirmation from the people who ALREADY agree with you- but you have NO IDEA how to bridge the gap between people who agree#with you and disagree with you. you're horrible at convincing people of your side of things outside of straight up guilt tripping them#or bullying them like a highschooler. im sorry but the tools you learned to survive with as a kid aren't gonna help you in this situation.#the ONLY THING you can come up with to bridge that gap is a bloody revolution. thats how bad you are at this.#and you're also so bad at this and unimaginative that you dont even realize how THAT might not even be enough.#you cant imagine ANY kind of avenue to getting people to change AT ALL outside of blood and fire. and thats why people call you#an authoritarian.#i'll be honest- i really do think the world would be a better place if we did incremental change under a democratic president who wont#set the world on fire vs the godkingemperor republican WHO WONT EVEN LISTEN TO YOU AT ALL EVER AND MIGHT KILL YOU#FOR PUTTING UP A STINK. idk if you noticed but if that evil fuck gets into office we are severely outnumbered if he gets police#n shit to go after his own citizens. letting trump win is making this battle so much harder than it needs to be.#you are choosing trying to fix the world while its exploding vs trying to fix it before it explodes at all.#what is this like a procrastination thing? you wanna wait till the last minute to try? idfgi. wtf is wrong with you#throwing minority lives away to prove a point. and then you try to tell me you care. gtfoh.#accelerationists should never be taken seriously.
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