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ok so daily shitpost life update:
The lemon bread baking has set me back a bit on today and tomorrow's mermay prompts as well as finishing inking and coloring my picture of red panda scar, but I'm getting to it, I promise. What's important for me about mermay is that it's fun, and I'm having fun coming up with new OCs, but I'm a bit behind schedule and that's OK. On the bright side, I can eat lemon bread while I finish my drawings later.
#random shitpost#shitposting#anyways#take care of yourselves#ily <3#don't forget to eat#and stay hydrated#and generally just continue existing#i know it can be hard to do so sometimes#but y'all can do it#i believe in you#i'm proud of you#just keep going a little bit longer#and things will get better eventually#stay safe out there <3#life update
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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tales of the passerine - danny fenton being bruce wayne's first kid
okay okay. so this is like a continuation/elaboration of my oneshot/prompt i wrote about the idea that Danny was the first batkid. We have a lot of aus where he joins the family after the rest of the bats do, right? So hey! Lets shake things up a bit. Danny is the first to be adopted by Bruce Wayne.
Danny's parents and unfortunately Jazz die shortly after the events of TUE -- how so? I was gonna say an ecto-filter explosion, that would call back to the TUE explosion and trauma behind that. But lets do something new! Carbon-monoxide poisoning.
It's not too unexpected for something to break in the Fenton house, especially with the Fenton parents' questionable understanding of proper weapon handling and lab safety. The water heater broke from a stray shot by one of the weapons, and was promptly MacGyver'd incorrectly. Danny went to stay with Tucker for a guys' night, and came back to a dead silent house.
(Danny's neighbors got a very unfortunate shock when he ran to the next house over in hysterics.)
There was a lot of shuffling around with CPS, the police. People had to be called in to handle the equipment in the lab, and the GIW was rumoring to show up in aid to clearing the scene. When Danny heard of that, he immediately went and dismantled the ghost portal to the best of his abilities. He burned the physical blueprints of all his parents' inventions, their blueprints on the ghost portal, and their most dangerous weapons were destroyed beyond recognition. Anything to prevent the GIW from getting their hands on his parents' tech.
It opened up another investigation, but he was not under the list of suspects. He was placed in the care of Vlad Masters, where they then went back to the rebuilt castle mansion in Wisconsin. Danny, terrified of the future that has once passed and may do so again, shuts down in his grief. Inadvertently, he ends up somewhat repressing his ghost half. Something Vlad, who is grieving Madeline but relishing in Jack's demise and his custody of Daniel, is not very happy with.
Vlad's... gone into a bit of a mental health spiral. He's becoming increasingly possessive over Daniel, the final remnants of his friends and a liminal being like him. He doesn't like that Danny's repressing his ghost half -- both out of genuine concern as a ghost, but also because of his desire to control Danny and groom him into the perfect son. If you ever had a phase where you read Dark SBI found family fics, first off; me too bro, and second off; those are the vibes I'm thinking of.
Danny's mentally shut down from grief! And fear. He's dropped into a bad depressive state -- paralyzed with grief and the terror of the inevitable. Clockwork saved his parents because he believes in second chances, but what's the point of that when his family ended up dead anyways? Danny doesn't wanna believe that he's destined to become evil, and he's holding out onto that hope, but it's a thin line, and he feels utterly hopeless and trapped. He hasn't used his powers or ghost form since he trashed the lab, and Vlad has alarms set up to prevent him from trying to escape.
He's also unintentionally cut off Sam and Tucker -- both of whom are so scared and concerned for Danny too, and are trying their damndest to reach out to him. He keeps ignoring their texts. Danny basically haunts Vlad's manor. He goes out to eat if he has to, attends parties Vlad drags him to, and stays in his room all day if he can.
At parties, Vlad doesn't allow Danny to leave his side, or really talk to anyone -- not that Danny wants to. A product of Vlad's increasing possessiveness. Well, he almost doesn't let Danny leave his side. Danny has a habit of slipping off to hide somewhere for the parties whenever he can, and Vlad reluctantly allows it so long as he stays alone.
This becomes an advantage when eventually, Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham after missing for years, and holds a bright charity ball to celebrate the return. Vlad has been chomping at the bits to get his hands on Wayne Industries, and with the return of its owner there is no better opportunity to wipe out his rival. He goes, and he as normal, brings Daniel with him.
Vlad thinks Wayne will bleed his little heart out for Daniel's poor orphan sob story -- he's a fellow orphan himself, after all. He's not wrong; Wayne's little heart will bleed, just not in the way that benefits him.
Bruce sees Vlad and Danny approaching before they're even close enough to introduce themselves - and like with many of the children he will soon come to care for, it's like someone set a mirror into the past right in front of him.
Danny Fenton's suit is tailor-made for him, and despite the fact that it's his perfect size, the sag in his shoulders, the ducked down head, and the way he hunches into himself all pictures the image of a child in shoes too big for him. There's a far away, glazed over look in his eyes and grief marble-cut into the lines of his face. There's not enough makeup in the world that will hide the dark circles under his eyes.
("My nephew, Daniel Fenton." Vlad's hands are possessive on Danny's shoulders. Bruce immediately notices the way the boy tenses under his touch. "His parents passed recently, and as his godfather I was designated his guardian.") ("I'm so sorry, the loss must've been terrible.") ("Yes, carbon-monoxide poisoning caused it. Daniel was out with friends, when he came home... they had already passed.") (Bruce immediately dislikes that Vlad shared the details of their death unprompted -- he likes it even less when Danny flinches at the reminder and hunches into himself.)
Danny runs off at some point earlier into the charity. At this point, parties are still being held at Wayne Manor (because iirc google search mentioned that was a thing at first before it was changed), so he disappears and hides in one of the empty rooms nearby. It just so happens to be the same room Bruce Wayne hides in when he needs a break from all of the socialization.
Thus begins a long, long process of trust. Bruce can't reveal his hand as being smarter than he looks, but he can be compassionate. Kindness needs no measure of intelligence. He keeps Danny company for as long as he can before he runs the risk of being found.
Rinse and repeat. Vlad insistently wants Wayne Industries, and he'll go to as many Wayne parties as he can to get his hooks into the man. The problem is that Bruce Wayne is never alone, and getting him alone is impossible. Finding him too. It's like the man never stops moving. Always talking to someone, always circling somewhere. He orbits around the room as if he isn't the sun of the Gotham Elite's solar system.
Danny's had such repetitive behavior that Vlad never thinks to believe that Bruce Wayne is disappearing to go talk to him. That "Vlad's" son is even interacting with him at all. Danny never gives him a reason to think so, and neither does Bruce.
Danny doesn't actually acknowledge Bruce until a handful of parties in, where he hands Bruce a small slip of paper he smuggled in that says; "don't trust Vlad". Danny's face stays carefully blank, but he's so tense that his hands are trembling, and he's purposely looking away from him. Bruce plasters a smile onto his face, slips the paper into his pocket, and tells him "okay".
(he's been busy with his own goals with the mafia, but he sets aside time to investigate Vlad Masters. He was holding off. Until now.)
Danny does eventually start speaking to Bruce, he's starting to really like the guy. He's starting to see a little hope, even as Vlad is starting to get more and more agitated with him the more he refuses to use his powers.
He reaches out to Sam and Tucker again, and starts trying to reconnect with them. Vlad has spyware on his phone, and he limits the amount of times he can talk to them. A weird parental control lock of some sort that leaves a time limit on how long he can talk to them for. 30 minutes. Danny doesn't tell them anything about Mr. Wayne.
Danny, slowly, wants out of here, and he's slowly gathering the motivation to do it. Vlad is genuinely scaring him -- and Danny wonders just how truthful the past-future Vlad was when he told him that Danny wanted his ghost half separate. He starts trying to come up with an escape plan.
Vlad has anti-ghost wards everywhere around the mansion, and while they're always on, they boost to full power at sunset. The doors and windows are always locked, all main exits have alarms set on them. The only reason it's not super extensive is because Danny hasn't tried leaving at all yet, so Vlad hasn't had to tighten anything.
At night, Vlad locks the door to his room and puts up an anti-ghost ward around the room. The mansion is on the outside westward side of Madison, more entrenched in rural Wisconsin. The closest town is a four-way stop sign with one house on three corners, and an open bar on the fourth. Not much to go.
He refuses to go to Sam and Tucker; Vlad would look there first. It's too dangerous. Vlad would sound alarm bells and have a manhunt looking for him, Danny can't risk going just anywhere. Too much risk of being found, sold out, or caught. There's really nowhere for him to hide.
Until there is. Bruce is telling Danny about the history of Wayne Manor, and says, as casually as saying the weather; "The manor has dozens of empty rooms, I'm sure Alfred wouldn't mind filling another one if he could." And quietly, hesitantly, Bruce places a careful hand on Danny's shoulder, unrestrictive and gentle; "He wouldn't mind getting one ready for you if you need one."
And there it is. There's his out.
Danny, just as quietly, replies; "I'll keep that in mind."
The ball starts rolling.
Now I've been trying to summarize this au as much as possible for length convenience, but Vlad has been steadily growing more and more controlling. More emotionally manipulative. More agitated at Danny for not using his powers.
He wants Wayne Industries under his thumb but he's been steadily growing more and more concerned with Danny. He's started grabbing him, yanking him around, shaking him; trying to goad him into using his powers. He gets angry when Danny doesn't react, or tells him he doesn't want to use his powers. He hasn't outright attacked him, but he's getting there. This has been happening over the time it takes for Bruce to indirectly offer Danny sanctuary at his home.
It all comes to a head when Vlad stops going to parties at all -- something Danny has to pretend he isn't upset about -- because Vlad doesn't want him around other people anymore. Vlad rarely goes now without him, and only leaves to go to a Wayne function or to handle something at VladCo.
Danny can't wait for Vlad to leave long enough to escape. So he leaves during the night of a big storm. Vlad's locked him in his room, but Danny doesn't bother trying to go for it; he goes to the alarmed window instead. Danny's been repressing his ghost half so long that he can't access his powers immediately anymore -- he can feel it, he knows its there, but he can't quite reach it.
He breaks the lock by hand.
Immediately the alarm goes off through the entire castle, filling the room with red, and he scrambles for the rope the Wisconsin Ghost left for him a few months back. Danny's already out and climbing down the side of the castle before Vlad even reaches his door -- the only good thing about the entire room being ghost-proof is that Vlad can't get in that way.
The rope ends before it reaches the bottom, and he's still twenty feet in the air. It won't kill him if he lands it right. Danny takes his chances, and drops. He breaks his ankle, but he survives.
And he fucking books it to the back garden. He hears Vlad shrieking over the thunder and rain.
I'll save the full experience for a future oneshot, but Danny makes it out into the nearby woods and forcibly experiences what it's like to be in a horror game, trying to hide from the thing that's hunting you. There's only one thing going through his mind; "i'm going to die"
I have this mental image for this scene. Very stereotypical horror imo. Where Danny is hiding behind a tree, with a hand over his mouth, and Vlad is a few feet away from him, glowing ominously red through the trees, trying to search for him.
Danny doesn't get away from this unscathed, but he does get away alive. That's all he could ask for. He gets away by getting his ghost half awakened long enough to transform into Phantom and fly to Gotham.
But he gets to Wayne Manor, he gets to Bruce. Or, at least, Alfred answers the door from his insistent pounding. Danny's just in tears and Alfred gets him in the living room, wrapped in a towel, with ice on his swollen leg before he has to step out and alert Bruce.
Bruce already breaks multiple traffic laws on a nightly basis. And that's just with the sheer existence of the batmobile itself, not including the speeding and military artillery attached. He breaks double the amount trying to speed back to the cave and get out of the suit.
Right off the bat: Bruce will know, at least before Dick enters the picture, about danny's powers. He'll figure out something considering the fact that Danny traveled from Wisconsin to New York in a single night. That'll be a bit of complicated affair, but I've already got something in mind.
Actually it'll probably be very soon after Danny joins the family, because Bruce tries to offer to fight for custody for Danny - the state Danny was in at arrival is clear enough evidence for a trial. But Danny immediately shuts it down, says it's not going to work and then Vlad will know Danny's with him and he won't be safe. He tells him that Vlad cannot know Danny was with Bruce.
Danny's biggest regret was not telling his parents he was a halfa, and while he doesn't want to tell mister wayne (yet), he does tell him about Vlad being one. He needs to know why Danny can't be seen with Bruce. So he tells him, and Danny's current plan is to just hide out from Vlad until he turns 18. That way, he has no more legal jurisdiction over him. After that? He's not sure.
And to wrap this up, since this has already gotten very long and I can make more posts about this au later; I've thought about it, and I'm going to say that Danny does become a vigilante before Dick enters the scene. He goes by, as you probably guessed; Nightingale. "Gale" for short.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#tales of the passerine au#i dont want to overemphasize how much vlad sucks but also i dont want to downplay it. but also i didn't wanna make this post too long#i didn't emphasize enough on vlad's possessiveness but i wanted to make this post as general enough as possible for the au.#for some more wiggle room in the future if i make more posts about this au.#the consequences for Danny repressing himself was not a concern i was focused on for the post but i am thinking about it and mulling it ove#i'll be blunt my main specific reason for why this occurs shortly after tue is bc it means dani doesn't exist yet and it means i dont have#to include her in the continuation of this au. i love that girl but she's a dead weight. i dont wanna come up with an elaborate reason as#to why she's not in the picture when i can just say 'she never created in the first place' instead. i don't have anything for her to do#I don't want to risk giving her a poor plot line just so that she exists in au.#sometimes i really hate just how long my posts get. i feel like it kills my engagement. but i also don't want to make posts that have#a part 1 and part 2 just because I think it got too long.#i feel kinda bad for having Danny take the spot of 'first partner' from Dick. But that was part of the reason i was inspired to make this a#i've already got the skeleton of a reasoning for danny becoming a vigilante being made in my head.#He can't go by Phantom since that risks drawing Vlad's attention -- a new vigilante showing up in Gotham. a place the visited frequently#who goes by the name Phantom? He'd be on that faster than chickens on meat. and nightingale has familial meaning behind it due to being#part of an ancestral name. it follows robin's theme of using it to honor his parents while still having its own unique enough lore to stand#on its own without feeling like a cheap copy. plus the bonus meta reason that it follows the bird theme. which personally is vital to me#my other alternative to Nightingale is Sparrow. mostly because it has good phonetic structure for a hero name. not too many syllables#a good balance of consonants and vowels. dont want a hero name with too many syllables or unbalanced consonants. or worse; both.#my reasonings is that hero names should be easy for a civ or teammate to yell while still being understood. max amount of syllables before#it threatens to become too wordy is 3. If it goes over 3 it should have a balanced consonant-vowel ratio. Wonder Woman is a good example#some things got cut here that were in the initial oneshot. like danny giving bruce his physical ghost core and showing up bloody.#the first son au
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perpetually suffering the tortures lately
#don't ever make a very complex/esoteric story based around a pre-existing fandom .worst mistake of my life#<-(the tortures)#half joking but the autism has been extremely agonizing lately in almost every way imaginable#.mostly just in the typical way of. it being impossible to believe i can actually be welcomed in any sort of fandom/community#and feeling horribly embarrassed about continuously pushing my posts into tags where people are trying to enjoy themselves#so. been spending the last month or so trying to beat my brain out of being hyperfixated on the blorbos to the point of embarrassment#<--putting this here mostly as an apology/explanation ig for not posting much lately .#trying to exile myself from the fandom + in general. it has been hard to do literally anything but lay in bed all day#also as well as just like. summer sensory hell + sadd moments#ough . the tortures
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Would you rather have future generations, who can and should judge the decisions of those who came before, view you as a person who thought the right way or as a person that actually did the right thing
#kind of a general response to lots of different replies I’ve seen on posts#from people who cannot separate the wrongdoings of a current moment#from the context of everything else that has happened before; is happening elsewhere now; and will continue to influence the future#no complex problem exists in a vacuum that can be solved once with an easy decision#and it is more important to take action in the right direction rather than just say#what you believe is the right thing on repeat while failing to understand how to make it happen
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If there's one thing I've respectively noticed from Zionists and defenders of Israeli war crimes, it's that every source, argument and potential avenue to explore each explanation is riddled with cherry picking, moving the goalposts and mental gymnastics to explain why their conclusions, which typically are barely even related to the sources they use, somehow overshadow literal reality and what we see with our own eyes.
While scrolling, one example I came across was the repetitive misrepresentation of BLM, antifa and quotes from Martin Luther King Jr, as well as statistics, scholarly journal articles and government website information. These are all good sources, yet every single time they're mangled completely until the only possible "interpretation" of any of them is "well Israel is right to defend itself after shorting rockets beforehand because the retaliation was brutal and all Arabs are bad by default therefore". As if any of these sources are even about individual exceptions of Israel versus hatred towards Arabs.
I think what I find most absurd, as someone in the middle of their own studies, is how every bit of critical thinking and logic goes out the window as they do every single thing possible to do what professors worldwide say NOT to do when evaluating sources. It's like watching a race to see who can tangle and misconstrue scientific information to fit their world view the fastest. Then said people say "um actually I studied at university before so it's actually not wrong that I'm doing this exact this everyone is warned not to do because I have a permit". Ignorance I can forgive, but willful and arrogant manipulation? That's another thing entirely.
#zionism#my gods y'all need to get a grip and start remembering that confirmation bias exists#and y'all use sources continually in this way while just generally having so much bs of presenting How To Not Use My Own Sources#or actually to be more correct you clearly do know you just choose not to because you'd rather be justified in resource theft and profit#Like the while tome it's been about either material gain or feeling good about yourself while you shit on strangers#and then I also see y'all make other accounts ro harass random Arabs for fun and random queers who aren't even related like#the fuck is wrong with y'all go sit down and think about why you all do this pointless bs#it's such a waste of your own life spending it looking for fights to help with your bottomless insecurities#Israel#fuck israel#long live palestine#like you can say hamas was bad all you like it doesn't actually change the situation and what y'all have been doing for 76 years#and actually longer but y'all arent ready for that conversation and how Zionists butchered Jews and helped Nazi Germany historically#like sorry that Was a thing that happened and if you want to label yourselves as The Sacred Protectors of Jews then you have to face that#Pretending history didn't happen isn't helpful to anyone including yourselves y'all just making Zionism look even worse and like idiocy#I mean it is but you all aren't helping yourselves by being literal holocaust deniers#and being like “but Zionists saved Jews afterwards” as if that somehow erases the fact they ALSO helped the Nazis#like history is full of contradictory bullshit so when you say “but what about this” you know that doesn't erase the other things right??#“That's worse. You DO see how that's worse right?”#I'm shaking you all and yelling this like it is WORSE that they killed Jews and then started playing the saviour and fellow victims#You do see how that is really bad for Jews today to be in a place created for political power plays and material gain through any means#like you see how that could be REALLY dangerous for Jews if they're that expendable to Zionist entities and the government#and you do realise that is literally what we are seeing from the actions of said government#and how they acting sadly very predictablely when you consider the historical contexts for its existence?#People who research this shit aren't surprised because it happens every single year and has been happening for centuries -#- before Israel the holocaust etc. It's been like this for as long as political Zionism and the French Revolution#It's been going on since pre Marxism and pre a lot of differing things but y'all pretend Zionists haven't ever harmed Jews ever when -#- there's a long history of internal conflict and in fighting that formed modern Zionism and plenty of internalised antisemetism within it#Yeah there's a genuine desire for return to the land (Not Own It just return and live peacefully)#but that is very very different to Political Zionism that formed as a socialist nationalist movement
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....
#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space#like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else#other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh#to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn#i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding#and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt#unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow#and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation#abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol#and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever#and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress#i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes#like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up#a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl#ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs#im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo#.diaries#zzzzz
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I'm definitely not the only queer person who's kinda wary of Christian ppl they encounter online right?
Like I see a profile that clearly states they're Christian and they post like Bible verses and shit and I'm just. Hoping they're not queerphobic. Or saying some dumbass shit like "hate the sin love the sinner" or whatever while pretending that's not queerphobic
If they're interacting with me first it's pretty safe to assume they're not gonna be like that bc I'm very obviously queer (🏳️🌈 + pronouns in bio) but if it's someone who hasn't interacted with me at all I kind of instinctively avoid interacting with them out of fear of them being that way. Y'know
#ramblings#i think it's bc even tho i've never been religious and my family isn't like a super uptight christian family#i have encountered a preacher who was homophobic and transphobic before#he's puerto rican too which just makes me disappointed in my people tbh#i grew up surrounded by a lot of accepting ppl both within and outside of the family#as well as a couple gay/trans ppl#i was always taught that that's just the way some ppl are and that we should respect that#even if we didn't fully understand everything and weren't up to date with the latest most accepted terminology and stuff#ppl were just respectful and let others be themselves#so it's extremely hard for me to understand why other ppl would be queerphobic#i mean. i kinda get it. it what they were taught growing up. just how i was taught to be accepting and respectful#but why ppl would continue to teach that to their kids and perpetuate queerphobia is really what i don't get#like. accepting that ppl different from you exist and that's ok isn't going to kill you#maybe learn abt the world from other sources besides the bible and try to see different perspectives#instead of shutting yourself off to just one way of thinking and hurting ppl in the process#anyways. i think it's also bc i've seen too many really religious ppl on the internet who are also queerphobic#and they have these big platforms of ppl who support them and share their views#and like. i shouldn't generalize. but they paint an ugly image of christians in general#also like. christians throughout history don't have the cleanest track record#but i know a lot of christians nowadays aren't like that. in fact i'm willing to say most aren't#but still it's like. better be safe than sorry y'know#idk man
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Le destin et un fil rouge (click for qualité svp)
#red string of fate#teehee. soulmatessss!!! YOURE SOULMATESD!!!! AGAINST YOUR WILL!#2a#ayden#aurel#bath soup#my art#comics#ils sont si précieux pour moi#idk what to add je pense que je veux pas le finir#en plus instagram m'énerve psq je peux pas le poster tranquille donc bref. Bref.#look at them and shut up and laugh. whatevr#tw racism#i Guess. hes anxious about getting shunned or whatever hashtag totally not relatable#some of these african families have views about interracial relationships that can K.O a neonazi like fr......#my mom telling me under no circumstances will you marry an algerian WHAT DO YOU MEANNNN.... our countries r literally STUCK TOGETHER#we LOOK THE SAME we have THE SAME ANCESTORS our cultures are so SIMILAR theyre COMPARABLE znd we speak the SAME LANGUAGE#what do you MEANN never marry one... mama i could marry a fucking white trans woman.. youve forgotten about wokism..#ANYWAYS. mixed boy and immigrant boy. SUFFER. YOU WILL NEVER FEEL ADEQUATE ! YAYYYY#not even mentioning them being both boys .. aka no genetic babies... aka no lineage ... ouhhhh mama! the drama!#and homophobia probably doesn't exist in red string of fate worlds i guess it wouldn't make sense its too much of a destiny thing#but maybe long families have made up cultures about marriage and lineage and 'continuing the string for generations'#even though its obvious many of your grand family probably ignored their magical string after it broke and instead of pursuing fate they#ignored it for as long as they could to continue on the generation etc#it just seems like something MY family woul think if it was real so im making HIM suffer through it. sorray cutie ! 🥰😍😘
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So I played through episode 12 yesterday and episode 13 today between my cleaning sprees and i only cried a little maybe dozen times through it all, so all I can say is that the main story continues to deliver. Wasn't very keen on the storytelling style of ep13 at first, but definitely warmed up to it along the way. Getting scenes from the wiewpoint and in the thoughts of so many characters in just one episode turned out to be pretty refreshing. I did feel a bit overwhelmed as well but i'll put that on me chewing through it all in one day. Sometimes I feel a bit worried that where is the main story going to go after a huge chunk of it comes to a conclusion, but at the same time... If the side stories have proved anything, its that there are so many things about the entire world and lore to explore. And I have to admit I'm still getting more curious about it all. if you told me 5 years ago that the story and universe in a gacha game(derogative) is going to be something i'm obsessing over, I would've been so pissed at you even suggesting that. Anyway, its a nice feeling to be so interested in something. I've lost interest in so many things and i feel like over the years its getting harder and harder for me to really get into something.
#i'm also pretty proud of myself with how well i've dealt with the whole gacha element over these 5 years with arknights#i used to struggle a lot with putting money into games for nothing#money that i didnt even have basically#i used way too much of my student loan back in the day to buy lootboxes and other similar shit#which i will continue to regret for another 15 years more before the debt is hopefully paid off#so i have purposefully avoided any games with -put in real money for random number generator results- options#and I really REALLY just dislike the whole gacha idea and model of monetization#it is your own damn fault if you put your money in and regret it later#but the model is still distasteful and also predatory to people with existing gambling problems#As much as i really enjoy arknights i also don't like to bring it up to talk about with random people because it is a gacha#and it will always first and foremost be judged by that factor
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i think i finally get all those “maybe we could do with a little less shipping in fandom. this is not a complaint but a cry for help” aromantic posts
#>be me#>aro#>find a piece of work that speaks to me deeply#>the character dynamics are fascinating and i want to see more of it#>check out the fandom#>half of it is shipping#>not only that but there is also a fuck ton of absolutely rancid ship discourse#>so shippers act like they are absolutely persecuted for shipping x ship#>see the absolutely batshit take of “seeing the characters as siblings is bad because they act toxic to each other-#obviously the better interpretation is toxic yaoi”#>also see the equally as bad take “these characters are BASICALLY BROTHERS and if you ship them IT’S BASICALLY INCEST”#>they are not canonically lovers nor siblings#>they just exist in the same space#>… why#>it’s like wanting to study bugs in a place with no bugs. so you import the bugs. like yeah it’s harmless but why did you go to the trouble#of bringing the bugs here when there aren’t any bugs and people aren’t here for bugs. instead of idk. going to a place with bugs??#>the shippers are complaining about how people hate their ship and there’s not enough of it (at least half of the fandom ships them)#>not a whole lot of people but a few hate on the ship and like 6x the amount of haters immediately start screaming at the haters#>the homestuck fandom handled this better. please guys#>people may not like your ship. block. move on#>people may ship something that you see as an absolute insult to the themes of the work. block. move on#>and like yeah i get that this is the singular ship in the entire fandom so there’s gonna be more of it#>but i am starving for purely platonic content. please.#>i do not want to continue having to willfully misinterpret romantic/familial content as platonic#>i’m going back to the “homestuck fandom handled this better” point actually#>like there is an honest to god blog called “this ship is better than davekat”#>and i can guarantee that if i tried to make an equivalent blog in this fandom i would be killed instantly#>generally it’s not a great place to be as a platonic relationships enjoyer which sucks because the canon material is cool as shit#>the only thing i can think of to do is wait like a year to see if this situation resolves itself#>and hope to god that there’s more platonic content by then
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thinking about the arkham series again and how i actually just adore that 3 games are about arkham as a philosophical concept and an entity, as an answer to "what should be done to criminals" and a powerbase. and how it reflects the beliefs of those who created it.
then arkham dies in City. the idea of arkham comes to its natural, intended, solution. bombed to ash, the problem it was built to solve barely impacted in the long run. a failure of its whole philosphy.
Then Knight rolls around and in marches in jason, arkhams final victim and the only remaining shard of it, the symbol on his chest and arkham in his name. and he brings his own whole philosphy to it all, a much more personal and visceral thing.
#Shitpost#the only major flaw for me in the arkham series is that Ras and the League's plotline in Knight fucks with the themes.#they like. Forgot that City and Arkham in general relies so strongly on Ras as the creator of it. And they just kinda drop him#instead of continuing to discuss that philosophy#its so strong in City and in Origins it feels so odd to disappear#but i get it like. They wanted to do other villains. Different things#from a step back over time looking at the series as a thematic whole it is a slight falter#but really i cant complain fully#Arkham exists in Knight with only its final victim#The jason of Knight is not as like. Idealogically motivated and thats something I find so compelling really#it IS anger it IS power it IS suffering.#but then it all falls to ash because at the end of it all. bruce reaches out his hand#and has no intention to continue the violence of arkham#and i suppose that is a good conclusion to it all
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i really just dont think more than one person cares that i write fics tbh
and yes i love that one person so so so much and i love creating with and for them and its the light of my miserable existence
but it would just.. sometimes be nice. to be acknowledged when i do share something publicly
and yes i know it only matters that im happy and im writing for a niche ship within a niche fandom; trust me ive heard it all before. it doesnt change the fact that i feel like i dont even exist as a writer, like in general. within the fandom or otherwise
and idk its just very demotivating and it sucks so
#yeah#it would just sometimes be nice to be acknowledged. even on the most basic of levels#and i mean like.. people asking stuff. showing even general interest. fuck i dont even get requests for anything whenever ive posted that#they are open. like i know i havent done that in a while but why do you think i stopped#it just feels like i dont exist. unless i have something visual to present to the fandom im invisible#idk. it just kinda sucks. like a lot. cause even if i dabble in a lot of things writing is still the thing i wanna do and love the most#and i know im gonna keep writing and creating. but just trying to talk about it outside of very specific dms or sharing it publicly is just#not worth it tbh. and it doesnt matter how hard i try#anyways just. a thought. i guess. idk im running on very little sleep and two cups of coffee im a little bit sick lmao#read immortal fears. thats my final note on this. i would like to continue that story. okay bye#night is an absolute mess on main
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every time someone tries to make the i love captains scene in sonic prime about that one pirate shadow costume that has never been relevant to anything ever while completely ignoring that knuckles was the captain actually being discussed there an angel loses its wings
#honestly i just find it annoying in general when people take stuff from sonic and knuckles' relationship/interactions#and apply it to sonic and shadow instead even if it doesnt make sense or is a huge reach while acting like knuckles doesnt exist#this isnt the only example of that but its definitely one of the most blatant#i feel like sonic and knuckles could literally do the gayest shit imaginable on screen#and people would still ignore it or find a way to make it about shadow somehow#well this isnt JUST about shipping just their dynamic in general but i definitely notice it the most in the context of shipping#people want sonic and shadow to be sonic and knuckles so bad yet continue to obsess over so/nadow and ignore so/nknux. sad !#another thing i notice is sonic could have a very similar interaction with both shadow and knuckles but with knuckles its cricket noises#and with shadow people act like its the height of romance and theyre basically canon boyfriends already . like#actually when it comes to sonic shipping specifically the more popular a pairing is the more likely it is to annoy me#so maybe its for the best that most of the ones i actually really like are usually being ignored and overshadowed all the time#but also i probably wouldnt be so annoyed by popular sonic ships if the sonic fandom would pick actually good ships to make popular#(not saying s/onadow is bad that last part about popular ships being bad was more about other pairings)
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UhhhhhhH
I don't really have anything witty for this one. Just. Don't acknowledge out loud that it's almost been a year, I'll sob.
#darkside detective#the darkside detective#mcdooley#Shout out Chimera. Probably made the progress go faster than either of us realized skhsjdkfk#tbh though I think the reason this one (and. the last two actually) were so rough is just like#They're the ones that can most be called 'filler' because of how I chose to format things#Because in a post dooley world I decided that every chapter needed to be tied to a case in Fumble#But also Royal Fumble being my least favourite case in the Duology prolly didn't help the writers block#Woah cringe admission right there#...Man I feel like I usually have so much more to say here#OH! Frederick! He exists now!#He continues to be a slightly different person every time he's mentioned (oops) but I'm just hoping his general vibe is coming off right#Anyway Uhh! Chapter 10! I didn't hate it when I published it!#Ask me again tomorrow I'll probably've changed my mind. Whoops.
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