#it is your own damn fault if you put your money in and regret it later

[yoiku]

So I played through episode 12 yesterday and episode 13 today between my cleaning sprees and i only cried a little maybe dozen times through it all, so all I can say is that the main story continues to deliver. Wasn't very keen on the storytelling style of ep13 at first, but definitely warmed up to it along the way. Getting scenes from the wiewpoint and in the thoughts of so many characters in just one episode turned out to be pretty refreshing. I did feel a bit overwhelmed as well but i'll put that on me chewing through it all in one day. Sometimes I feel a bit worried that where is the main story going to go after a huge chunk of it comes to a conclusion, but at the same time... If the side stories have proved anything, its that there are so many things about the entire world and lore to explore. And I have to admit I'm still getting more curious about it all. if you told me 5 years ago that the story and universe in a gacha game(derogative) is going to be something i'm obsessing over, I would've been so pissed at you even suggesting that. Anyway, its a nice feeling to be so interested in something. I've lost interest in so many things and i feel like over the years its getting harder and harder for me to really get into something.

[crappymixtape]

love will keep us alive

BONUS V2 OF A REQUEST → ❝ angst prompt: “do you regret it?” this has been sitting in my drafts for LITERAL MONTHS and i just need to set it freeeee | ( 1.3k – a sprinkle of angst, a sprinkle of fluff, all the feelings, established relationship, eddie x reader )

L O V E W I L L K E E P U S A L I V E 🎶 love you, flowerovlove

You knew money was always a dealbreaker for relationships. You watched it happen with your own parents. Watched them go through it all and in the end get divorced because your dad spent too much money and your mom couldn’t handle it. You promised yourself you wouldn’t get into the same situation, not with Eddie, but here you were.

Paying for rent and utilities had been fine, you put a little gas in the car when you could, and you were even able to buy a six pack of beer every now and then, but somehow this month you were short. Somehow the water bill came and there wasn’t enough.

The statement came in the mail with big red letters stamped across the front, OVERDUE, but Eddie waved you off.

Don’t we have it on autopay, babe? Must be a mistake.

So you left it alone, but when you woke up in the morning to take a shower before work? Nothing came out of the shower head.

Towel tucked under your arms you stormed out into the living room, cold and angry, to find Eddie posted up on the couch. So casual. Reading a Thrasher magazine with the TV on in the background.

“So. The water’s off,” your tone was short, clipped and sharp enough to pull Eddie’s attention away from the magazine. Brows pinching together in confusion as he swung his legs off the couch to look at you properly.

“Huh? Sweetheart, what d’you mean off?“ he asked, looked up at you with those big brown eyes and you bit your lips in to try and stop yourself from raising your voice.

“The water is off, as in the water company turned it off,” you said again, frustration swelling in your chest, “I thought you said it was on autopay?”

“Well, yeah,” he started off confidently, so sure. “We set that up when we moved in and put it in your name and–” but he drifted off at the end of his sentence and his cheeks grew warm. Hot and embarrassed and he buried his face in his hands with a groan.

You’d split the utilities up when you two moved in together, especially since you had separate bank accounts, and as Eddie ticked them off in his head – internet, garbage, phone – he realized the water wasn’t under your name. It was under his. And this month had been tight.

Working at the bar was decent most of the time. Tips were good and Eddie’s regulars took care of him, but lately? It has been really slow. Slower than usual and it was hard for Eddie to remember to save during times like that.

No grabbing coffee on his way out in the morning. No beers with Steve after he got done at family video. No buying the kids new dice or a playbook for Hellfire, but he always got caught up in the moment and shit. This time he’d lost track.

“I’m so sorry babe,“ his voice was muffled as he spoke into his hands, tentatively lifting his head to look at you, “Can we maybe cover it from your account this month?“

You felt your cheeks grow hot, heat spreading from your chest across your neck and up to your ears. Your lips twisted with a frown, a deep scowl, so damn frustrated and tired of looking at your bank account and seeing five dollars left.

“No! We can’t! There’s no money there either,” you sighed, emotions starting to get the better of you as your throat grew tight and it just felt so off.

You were standing in the living room with nothing but a towel on. Any other time Eddie would’ve been on you in a second. Wrapping his arms around you and pulling you down into his lap. Pressing his lips to your neck, your collarbone and the curves of your hips, but instead you were arguing.

Eddie felt his chest squeeze with guilt, with the weight of all this stupid responsibility and the fact that it was all his fault. He was your boyfriend! He was supposed to take care of you! You were in this together and yet he wasn’t holding up his side of the deal and you were so upset and late for work and fighting and–

He swallowed thick, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, chewed his bottom lip between his teeth and held his breath.

“D’you regret it?” he asked, deep, brown eyes, flicking up to meet your own so hurt and sad, so fucking sorry.

Your stomach twisted. Flipped over with his question and your expression softened, “Regret it?“

“Yeah. Do you regret me?“

And with those four little words you felt your anger start to ebb.

Yeah. You were standing in your living room with just a towel on. No running water. Late for work and five dollars in your bank account, but the way he was looking at you made you hesitate. Had you sounded like you were done? Done enough that he thought you didn’t want to be with him anymore? And that’s when something in you shifted.

Your parents weren’t good for each other and your dad spent too much money and it made your mom so angry, but that wasn’t the only thing.

He didn’t listen to her.

Didn’t stay up late when she was worried and couldn’t sleep.

Didn’t run out to get a box of tampons when she got her period.

Didn’t ask her about her day and didn’t rub her feet and didn’t surprise her with pizza after a shitty day at work.

Didn’t tell her how much he loved her every single day. Didn’t kiss her once as he went out the door and again when he came back in to say how much he already missed her.

Eddie loved you, and yeah you were short on money, but you weren’t short on love. And at the end of the day? Even though love didn’t pay the bills, it sure as hell would help you figure it out. Because while money came and went, this kind of love didn’t.

Crossing the room still in your towel, you sat down next to Eddie on the couch. Took his hand in yours and held it tightly in your lap. “Eddie,” you said softly, taking his chin in your free hand and tilting it up so you could see him. “I would never regret this,” you said, hoping he understood just how serious you were. Hoping you heard every word you said, knowing that you meant it. “I just wish I could take a shower,“ you half-joked and he snorted, but then dropped his gaze back down to your hands.

God, the guilt was heavy.

“I’m really fucking sorry, babe.”

“S’okay,” you smiled, pressed a hand to his cheek and pulled his eyes back up to meet yours. “You just can’t buy the kids any more dice and you definitely don’t need any more manuals for hellfire. And maybe you can start learning how to brew your own beer?“ your tone teased him at the end and it pulled a little laugh out of him. “We’ll figure it out, right?”

“Yeah. I can pick up extra shifts at the bar and I’ll start putting my tips in a jar under the bed. A little savings in case the water gets turned off again,” he gave you a half-grimace, half-smile, “Too soon?”

“Too soon.”

“Sorry–listen–I’m part of this relationship too and I just wanna take care of you, honey,” and the way he was looking at you told you he couldn’t have been more serious.

“You always take care of me,“ you said leaning into him, resting your forehead against his and those unruly curls, “And I don’t regret it, Eds. Not even a little bit. “

And then Eddie closed the gap between you. Pressed his lips soft to yours in a quiet promise. Felt something plant itself in his chest and start to bloom and in that moment he knew he wanted to grow and not stay stagnant.

“I love you, sweetheart. I love you so damn much."

crappymixtape™ • eddie munson masterlist // stranger things masterlist

[wordsandrobots]

So I've never seen anyone badmouth Gaelio as often as you, besides the ones that rightfully complain that he shouldn't have come back. Not that I wholly disagree, but what are your reasons?

Oh, anon. No, no, no. No, you have to understand, I *adore* Gaelio. He's perfect, vengeance arc and all. He is my absolute favourite chew toy. I wouldn't have spent so long writing fanfic focused on what happens to him, mentally speaking, post-canon if I didn't love the obnoxious lavender-tousled prick to death.

Gaelio Bauduin is a man fucked over by his social position, a sweet kid scarred by having been born into an aristocracy, who nevertheless retains enough of a moral compass to change for the better. He learns. He grows. He cares for those closest to him with an earnestness that belies his snobbish, flippant attitude. He genuinely, uncomplicatedly commits to justice and loyalty in ways his upbringing ought by rights to have beaten out of him.

He is additionally the single biggest reason the story ends as badly as it does, on account of being the most hideously self-absorbed dipstick on the face of the solar system.

(Second most hideously self-absorbed, we do have to factor in Iok.)

In another story, Gaelio's gradual dawning realisation that the attitudes he was taught are bullshit would be a process of redemption. His experiences with Ein, his compassion towards Carta, his vitriolic semi-mentor/semi-friend relationship with Julieta, his apology to Mikazuki -- these are the markers of someone learning to be a better person. In another story, he'd be learning to be a hero.

But in this story, his slow personal journey isn't what's important. What matters is how it interacts with a world too cynical to run on heroic narratives. Elion uses him as a political wedge. Tekkadan do not give a rat's arse about what he thinks. McGillis allows no room for an epiphany concerning their friendship until it is far, far too late. In imagining the scales had fallen from his eyes, he railroaded himself into the biggest screw-up of his life.

It's not completely his fault. As I said, he's used and rejected by others, and McGillis did have a damn good go at murdering him. But if he had been slightly more open-minded, slightly more willing to put his money where his mouth was when it came to his disapproval of Gjallarhorn's actions, and slightly less prone to making everything about his feelings -- well maybe he wouldn't have ended a broken, wistful shell of his former self, voluntarily disabling himself and regretting everything he didn't understand.

It's *beautiful*. Seriously. The tenor of your question leads me to believe I should restate my opinion that Iron-Blooded Orphans is a near-perfectly executed tragedy. When I say Gaelio is 'Always Wrong (TM)', I mean that is the part he plays in the tale. The man who makes every possible mistake he could in the course of getting exactly what he thought he wanted. It's a narrative role and he is a fantastic way of filling it because unlike Iok (who exists entirely as a hate-sink), Gaelio *does* have redeeming characteristics. He's loyal and principled. Passionate and determined. Able to adjust his world-view based on his experiences. Ultimately capable of swallowing his pride and admitting he was wrong.

And it doesn't matter one single jot. Things still end in flames, not just in spite of his attempts to do right by those he accidentally doomed but because of those actions.

Also he's a melodramatic brat who canonically used to flirt using Norse mythology, repeatedly injured people on his own side by mistake, got his arse handed to him by children (again, repeatedly), adopted the most on-theme moniker he could while wearing a doofy mask for months on end, and spent Season 1 with a crush on the world's least-hinged cop-brained class-traitor. I denigrate his character in precise proportion to which it is presented as lamentable.

Anyway, to lay off the verbosity for a minute, please also understand that if my opinion on a character is negative in the sense of 'I think the writers fucked this up', I'm unlikely to spend much time creatively cussing them out. For instance, to pick another Gundam example, I don't enjoy Shinn from SEED:Destiny. I get what the writing is going for with him and I think it's a neat plot concept, but I find the actual result grating. It's the same for a lot of the cast. Overall, I just don't rate that show very highly. So I don't talk about it, and I don't expend effort to dig into narrative roles, how characters come across, what that means for other parts of the story, etc. To put it bluntly, it's not worth my time, especially when there are people who *do* like SEED and don't need me raining on their parade.

But I enjoy watching Gaelio and that's exactly why I bad-mouth him. It's more than a passing joke; it's part and parcel of what I love about how Gaelio is implemented, that he's that much of an aristocratic nitwit, and that even when he's making moves towards the broadly 'good' end of the moral spectrum, he's still got a deeply hierarchical attitude. This is a man who, in the middle of quite understandably wanting to get back at somebody who tried to assassinate him, reflects on enjoying being in the heat of battle again after having just beaten-up/killed a bunch of workers trying to break free of colonial rule. There is a *lot* you can dig into about what (and who) Gaelio sees as important and how his attitudes are a perpetual work-in-progress, constrained both by his assumptions and by the alliances he has to make in order to pursue his revenge.

It's well executed, as I said, and I happen to find it extremely compelling. Certainly more so than if he hadn't been resurrected because the show-runners liked his voice actor's performance.

[finniestoncrane]

Okay, I’m probably gonna regret this but…the angst prompt list you reblogged

“you think i felt something for you? you’ve forgotten what i am”

With either Capullo Riddler or Arkham Riddler. Pick your poison, because what you write will probably kill me.

Stood Up

Capullo!Riddler x GN!Reader, word count: 850 don't let it be said that i won't make him out to be a massive asshole, i know i give him the benefit of the doubt all the time because i love him but here we are 💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: touching, groping, eddie doesn't listen to "no" the first time, angst for real, yelling

You sighed as you pushed the cold food around your plate, very aware of the eyes on you around the room, the waiters, the patrons, the happy couples in line waiting on a table. Sympathy, irritation, second-hand embarrassment. You could feel it all radiating from them as you sat alone, cheeks red, eyes stinging with tears.

“You’ve already ordered?”

Eddie came rushing in, same suit as always, no sign of an effort to dress up for your date. He pulled the chair out and sat down, snapping his fingers to get the attention of the waiters.

“They’re not coming over, we have to give up the table in five minutes.”

“Five minutes!? But I’m here now, and I’m only…”

He glanced at his watch as you stared at your plate, trying your hardest to shield the disappointment and sadness on your face from him.

“Two hours… late… You didn’t leave?”

You tossed the fork down, a few of the people at the tables closest to you looking over before returning to their meals, trying to listen to your conversation no doubt. But through gritted teeth and in a hushed tone, you leaned in to speak to him.

“Of course I stayed. You told me not to eat today because this was going to be an amazing meal. I prepaid for it because you said they wouldn’t take your cards. I’m not going to be out a ridiculous amount of money because you couldn’t keep track of your own god damn time.”

He was silent for a moment before he raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes.

“Christ, alright! I get it, everything’s my fault. Well, shall we just leave, or are you going to eat that?”

Staring into his eyes, a sweet, light green, you couldn’t help but melt a little. Shaking your head, you offered him the fork but he declined.

“Nah, let’s get out of here, I can take you somewhere for an even better treat to make up for this.”

You offered him a warm smile as you stood up and left the table, taking his arm as he led you from the restaurant through the dark streets of Gotham. A couple of blocks away, he ushered you into an alley.

“A shortcut?”

“Huh?”

“Where are we going, Eddie?”

“Uh… here?”

You let out a small laugh as you tried to figure out what he was doing, but it was cut off by his lips crashing into yours in a sloppy kiss. Politely, more than anything, you returned the gesture, but you were trying to ascertain whether this was truly the ‘better treat’ he had alluded to. You were no further to answering the question before his hand was on your shoulder, pushing down on you, the other undoing his pants and palming at his stiffening cock.

“Eddie!”

“What? What!? Just… no one’s gonna see, it’s not that wet on the ground, I can put my jacket down if you want to kneel on it?”

“No, Eddie, I don’t want to-”

“Oh my god are you still annoyed with me?”

“It’s not that it’s just we’re-”

“Ok, fine, jeez! I’ll do you first then.”

He reached his hand down to your pants, fumbling around at the waistband a he pushed his fingers under it, tugging to pull you closer as you tried to step away.

“Eddie! Don’t”

“Come on! You can’t stay mad at me forever, loosen up a little bit.”

“Eddie, I said no.”

He let go as you pushed his shoulders, sending him back a little, tumbling over himself. Looking up at you with a scowl you forced your feelings for him to the side, trying not to be guilted by him.

“You stood me up, Eddie! And you think this is an treat? An appropriate apology? Like a quick fuck in an alley is going to make up for ruining our romantic night?”

His scowl turned to a sneer as he raised an eyebrow, a short chuckle echoing in the alley before he retorted, hand on his chest.

“Romantic night? It was barely a date! It was food and then sex!”

“That’s it?”

“I mean… yeah! It would have been just sex if I didn’t know there was always a need to butter you up first.”

Trying desperately to hide the hurt on your face you stood facing him, your heart sinking lower in your chest by the second.

“So that’s all this is?”

He made a face at you, hands out to the side, showing that it indeed was all that it was. Vulnerable, and already unable to suppress the stinging tears that were gathering in your eyes, you kept going, knowing no good would come from it.

“I thought you liked spending time with me… that you liked me.”

Eddie took a step towards you, placing a kiss to your cheek which turned your blood cold. He remained close to you as he whispered in your ear.

“You think I felt something for you? You’ve forgotten what I am.”

He pulled back from you, a cruel smile on his face as he walked away from you, leaving you alone and abandoned for the second time that evening.

[stonyoongi]

Delicate | (Jeon Jungkook) — TEASER

➙ PARING: Jeon Jungkook x female!reader

➙ GENRE: Yandere/Tsundere Au

➙ SUMMARY: You are a girl and girls are all sensitive and pure and delicate, while boys are all perverse by nature. Would Jungkook be an exception or even worse than most?

➙ WARNINGS: vampire!reader, naive!reader, bisexual!reader, human!jungkook, yandere themes, tsundere themes, physical punishments, threats, obsession behavior, murder, religious themes, manipulation, alcohol consumption, gore, degradation (non kink), mommy issues, pet names, eventual smut scenes (virginity loss, fingering, masturbation, unprotected sex, cum eating, oral, dacryphili, hair pulling, praising...)

English isn't my native language so please excuse me if I make any grammatical errors and feel free to let me know. Don't be rude!

➙ A/N: guys, i just made a big mistake deleting the prologue of 'delicate', when in reality i just wanted to reblog. i'm here posting again because this part is really important for the rest of the story. really sorry...

SERIES MASTERLIST MAIN MASTERLIST

Jungkook first laid eyes on you as soon as he got out of the car. It was a sunny morning, you were sitting on the grass in front of your house, concentrating on writing something in a fuzzy pink notebook. The sun was kissing your skin, he liked your frilly white dress, and the bow that held your ponytail.

He deeply regretted playing the rebellious son and not coming to any of the visits before his parents bought the house, as he missed the chance to see you before he moved in.

"Come help Jungkook," he recognizes his stepfather's voice and sighs heavily before going to carry his own bags into the house.

He just wanted to organize his new room soon, where he intended to spend most of his free time playing, watching, reading and drawing. That's all that goes through his head as he carries a cardboard box full of comic books up the stairs.

The room was about the same size as his old room, he would just need to redecorate to his liking.

He feels like he's the luckiest guy ever to look through the window and see you; lying on your stomach, your legs swinging up and down as you wrote something in that same pink notebook. The innocent movement of your legs offered him a beautiful view of your delicate panties. So that's what you do in the afternoon, give the neighbors a free show? For a moment, he feels a pang of jealousy hit him at the thought of some other guy having the privilege of contemplating such a scene, but then he tries to push those thoughts away. Then he takes his cell phone out of his pocket and opens the camera in order to capture the moment that could be very useful later.

He would masturbate looking at the image of your pretty legs and cute panties, and come so hard imagining it would be the inside of your pussy instead of his hand. He wanted so badly to know your name to call upon reaching the apex, but as it was impossible to have the information at that moment, he decided to refer to you as 'Angel', after all, you looked like one.

"Jungkook, what do you think of the room, honey?" his mother's voice interrupted the perverted thoughts surrounding you.

He quickly put his cell phone back away and took a deep breath, before nodding in response and smiling the slightest bit. He knew his mother was struggling and the last thing he wanted was to make her feel even worse for forcing him to follow her and her stepfather to this shitty little town and give up his life, because it wasn't her fault... The real culprit is the motherfucker she decided to marry and his damn job, which forced the sudden change.

He chose to pretend to still be depressed just to not help organize the new house, he had more important things to do, like organizing his own mess, replying to messages from friends he left behind, maybe checking the window again ...

Jungkook always thought that stupid custom of bringing a pie or something to the new neighbors was pretty shit. First, why on earth does anyone spend time and money preparing something to eat for strangers? And even worse, why would anyone eat anything from a total stranger who knocked on their door? Wouldn't it be easier to just say "Welcome" and then get on with your lives? People are such idiots.

However, his opinion completely changed when, after mentally cursing that no one had answered the damn door and he had to get up himself, he opened the door and there you were, smiling with a strawberry pie in your hands. He didn't bother to notice the woman beside you, as he was too busy trying to mentally photograph every detail of your pretty face.

"Who is it, honey?" his mother's voice approaches. "Oh, hello," she gives him a little push to get him out of the way and offers room for the pair to enter.

He watched from a distance as the two older women chatted excitedly, while you just smiled now and then with some comment. He discovered that, just as he imagined, despite the clothes that were a bit different from what girls usually wear, you are the same age as him. The woman who accompanied you is your mother, who is also a teacher and teaches you at home because, according to her, you have difficulty interacting with other young people.

He noticed the discomfort in your eyes when she said that.

On the one hand, Jungkook was disappointed because he expected to go to the same school as you, but he was happy to hear his mom say that you can always come over to his house to spend time so you won't be alone during the time your mom is working.

"Oh no thanks" was the first time he'd heard your voice and he loved how it sounded. "I really don't want to bother," you smiled shyly, lowering your tone.

It would be stupid to accept, you barely know them. They could be a family of psychopaths who would torture you to death, use your pretty head as decoration in the living room, he'd use your blood to paint a picture, make a pair of gloves out of your soft skin and he'd find a way to make good use of your organs. He laughed out loud at the thought, attracting the attention of the three women who stared at him in confusion.

"I'm going to my room," he says smiling sheepishly before heading towards the stairs.

"See you later, Jungkook", he heard you say in the background, but he didn't have the courage to turn around to face you, but he really liked the way you pronounced his name.

[matsbarzal]

Number 9 from fluff with Elias Pettersson, please?

fluff #9. "i know i just spilt my drink all over your brand-new shirt..."

word count: 1.1k pairing: elias pettersson x reader

Elias Pettersson prided himself on three specific things.

One, he was a damn good guy, raised well with good manners and a polite attitude. Two, he was a damn good hockey player with good puck-handling skills and the statistics to prove it. And three, he damn well knew how to dress himself better than any of his teammates and friends, or so he thought.

There was a slight chance that Brock and Quinn disagreed with his opinions about their style, the jokes about the length of his pants and the bagginess of his shirts an ongoing topic of conversation. Regardless of what they said, Elias Pettersson prided himself on his style, and the abundance of clothes he ordered weekly.

He wouldn’t necessarily consider it anything special, his style, but it wasn’t basic, or the same clothes he saw on every other person in the city of Vancouver. It was the same outfits his friends wore back at home, the same shirts his brother would send him asking him whether or not he liked it. It wasn’t anything special, but he prided himself on it regardless.

Elias would be lying if he said he didn’t pay a significant amount for the clothes he wore on the daily. If you had the money, why not spend it on the things that brought you joy?

There was a chance… a small chance, that a 300-dollar shirt from a boutique in the heart of Stockholm may have been an unnecessary purchase. A small chance.

There was an even larger chance that you were now staring directly at said 300-dollar shirt which now contained the remnants of your coffee, something that most definitely did not fit the style of the outfit the blonde wore. The look of shock on your face was mirrored identically in the face of the man in front of you.

The blonde to the left of the man now wearing your coffee held an equal look of shock, and then humour as the emotions crossed over his face.

Spluttering as you tried to grab the napkins from the counter beside you, you pressed them forward.

“I am so sorry. I didn’t even realize how close you were behind me, I’m so sorry. This shirt looks so expensive, oh my god, I’m so sorry. I’ll buy you a new shirt, or a new outfit… oh my god I’m so sorry.”

The man in question took the napkins from you politely and disposed of them in the garbage, not even attempting to pat at the stain that now covered the bottom half of his shirt.

“That shirt was so ugly. Thank you for ruining it, I’m so glad I didn’t have to,” the blonde was clutching his side as he laughed, a wide grin plastered on his face while the man with the coffee-covered shirt just glared at his friend.

“I’m seriously so sorry, let me buy you a new one? You obviously like your shirt, I totally didn’t mean to,” shrugging his shoulders, Elias allowed the dry laugh to bubble up from his throat.

“Unless you plan on going to Stockholm soon, I doubt you’ll be able to buy this shirt,” he quipped, a slight edge to his tone which elicited a frown on your lips.

“Okay well… I know I just spilt my drink all over your brand-new shirt, but there’s no need to be rude. It was an accident, and you were standing right behind me, it’s really your own fault if you look at it,” crossing your arms in front of you proudly, you stared at the man, waiting for him to quip back.

There was one thing Elias Pettersson did not pride himself on: his version of flirting. Compared to Brock, or Quinn, or even Emil, he couldn’t flirt to save his life.

Frowning, he crossed his own arms over his chest in response. “Okay, fine. How about you make it up to me with dinner? This time something that maybe you won’t spill all over my clothes?”

You were immediately taken aback by his words, the delivery of them so formal all while simultaneously having a snooty tone to the way he asked. It was impossible to tell whether he was serious or not.

“Jesus, Petey. Be a little nicer, would ya?”

Your own arms were still crossed over your chest as you looked at ‘Petey’, your confused expression an exact opposite of the stoic facial features in front of you.

“Anything with tomato sauce is probably a no-go, then?”

Losing the shirt was a real shame but gaining you in the process was something that Elias couldn’t find himself regretting. You had happily exchanged numbers with the Canucks forward, a promise that the dinner wouldn’t involve anything that could be spilt on him or ruin anymore of his outfits.

You had slyly suggested he could just come to dinner shirtless, no need to worry about ruining any of his shirts if there was nothing there to ruin; just for him to respond back with a link to a pair of pants. A very expensive pair of pants. Obviously, you could still ruin other parts of his outfit, because apparently all he owned were expensive articles of clothing from Sweden.

Somehow, you weren’t surprised when it wasn’t you who managed to ruin his shirt on your first date. The glass of red wine falling directly into Elias’ lap when a couple accidentally bumped into the side of your table, the red immediately staining the bottom of the baby blue shirt he had put on for the occasion.

“Oh my god, not again,” quickly jumping up and pressing the linen to the bottom of his shirt to no avail. The red wine had most definitely stained through the shirt, permanently.

What you were surprised to see was the amusement evident in the Swede’s eyes, a small grin floating across his cheeks as he observed your flustered movements. He couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up from inside of him, the annoyance washing away as he realized for the second time in two days, you had somehow been involved in the destruction of one of his shirts, although this time indirectly.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, because if this keeps going, I’m probably going to have to buy a new wardrobe from the looks of it.”

The surprise didn’t last on the second date, when you watched the tree branch rip right through the side of his hiking jacket.

note: thank you for sending one in!! i hope it's perfect to the request <3

[egcdeath]

hook, line, and sinker

summary: steve was never meant to be anything more to you than a check, a basic mission. but somewhere along the way, things had veered from that.

pairing: steve rogers x spy!reader

word count: 1.9k

warnings: angst, bad decisions, betrayal, unhappy ending

author's note: it has been a minute since i've posted a fic! i hope you enjoy :)

you can find my masterlist and taglist here

Despite the different rooms you found yourself in, the harsh morning sun was always the first thing you saw in the morning. Its bright rays would peek through the room’s shades and land right onto your face, intruding on some of the more vulnerable moments of your life.

When you finally angled your face away from the beaming star, your tired eyes fell upon the man next to you. The man you should’ve never taken things this far with. A man on the run, who you were sent after.

You sighed softly as you became a bit more conscious, and a now slightly more awake Steve threw a large arm around you, pulling you impossibly closer to him.

“Don’t get up yet,” he mumbled softly against your ear. You nodded and relaxed further into the slightly stiff motel mattress, mentally snapshotting and framing this moment in time. Yet another to add in the five month scrapbook of your time with Steve. Time that you recognized was quickly running out.

You allowed yourself to close your eyes once more, to listen to Steve’s soft breaths as he inhaled the scent of you. It made your heart hurt knowing that within the next week you would no longer get to be in those arms. Knowing that you would have to wake up alone in a new apartment in a new country and wait for a new mission while the news on the television droned on about the nomadic Captain America being flushed out of hiding. That Steve was no more to you than a mission. That it was your fault that you had fallen so hard and so fast.

So you treasured it while you had it. Hummed contently as Steve massaged your side before peppering little kisses against your neck. Tried to absorb the stubborn tear that threatened to fall down your face at any moment.

“We have to leave today,” he whispered against your ear, sending goosebumps up your arm. “Natasha wants to meet you.”

Your eyes shot open and your brows momentarily furrowed, something you quickly attempted to play off with a wide smile. There was no way that she wouldn’t recognize who you were— despite being declared ‘dead’ years ago, you were one of the more esteemed spies in your community. What that also meant is that you had even less time with Steve than you’d expected.

“When are we leaving? Am I gonna have to get used to another time zone?”

“Probably a few. Nat’s already with Sam, but we heard there’s something weird going on in Scotland with Wanda and Vision.”

“Should I really be getting involved with this then? It sounds like some pretty intense Avenger business if the parts of the team you still communicate with are getting together. I can just stay here ‘till you guys are ready to come back.”

Steve gave you an ‘are you serious?’ look before breaking into soft laughter, “are you serious?” You nodded wordlessly in response. “Oh, you’re serious. I promise that you’ll be fine.”

“Well, things better not get weird,” you giggled right along with him, reaching out and grabbing Steve’s face so that you could look into his eyes. You took another mental picture of him. You just hoped it wouldn’t have to be the last.

——

After you prepared yourself for the long car ride ahead of you, you slipped your second burner phone out of the hidden pocket of your suitcase, you were met with several missed messages by the man who sent you on the mission in the first place.

What is the wait?

I was referred to you for a reason

Have you even found him yet?

I’m not paying for you to sit around and go to brunch all day.

Do I need to send more money for a plane ticket or something??

No, I’ve got it. He’ll be in custody by tonight.

He better be. Or else you won’t be around to see tomorrow.

You swallowed thickly. You wouldn’t be dealing with this in the first place if you weren’t so irresponsible. And if word got out that you were falling in love with your targets, your reputation would be in shambles. You should’ve known from the start that this could never end well.

Steve stepped back into the bedroom area, a goofy smile on his face at the sight of you sprawled out on your back on top of the dingy motel bed. “You ready?” he asked, sounding chipper. You assumed he was ecstatic that you were finally going to be able to meet his friends, which made your heart hurt even more.

For a moment you considered the possibility of not going through with it. Of going along with Steve, work, prestige, and that hefty bounty be damned. You would still be living life on the run, but you’d have Steve, and everyone else on his side on your side too. You’d have some semblance of a family, and maybe someday you’d have a real family and someone to grow old with.

You chastised yourself for getting soft before sitting up, “I’m ready.”

——

You weren’t ready.

You knew you had to move quickly, the sun was going down, and you’d made a promise that needed to be fulfilled, or god knew what would happen to you.

You reached for the volume dial on the radio portion of the car, and turned down the song that Steve was currently humming along to.

“We should probably get off on the next exit that has a gas station,” you prompted, “the tank’s getting pretty low.”

Steve’s eyes flicked down to the dashboard and he nodded in agreement, “you’re right. Good catch.”

Steve pulled the car off and drove you to the nearest gas station, humming pleasantly along to the music once again. Your stomach was twisting and untwisting knots with every foot you got closer to the station, knowing exactly what you would have to do once you arrived.

Somehow, this was the most nerve wracking moment of your career. Not infiltrating secret government operations, not pulling the trigger on a mark, not even seeing the message from Tony Stark asking for you to find a way to bring Steve in.

You hurried into the main building of the station, making up an excuse on the spot to go inside. You made your way into a bathroom stall, and slipped the phone you hid away earlier out of the extra pocket in your pants.

Your hands shook as you dialed the first two numbers. You took one last deep breath as your finger hovered over the final number. You had one last chance to change your mind, to go back out to the car like nothing had happened because nothing had happened. You would drive a little longer before staying in another shitty hotel, and think about how you made the right decision as you curled up next to Steve’s warm body.

But you couldn’t. You were given this mission, and you needed to complete it.

You pressed the last nine, immediately connecting with an emergency service operator. You gave them the tip that you had seen Steve Rogers pumping gas into a black Honda Civic, and provided them with your location. With every word, your voice trembled a little more. You were grateful for your proximity to a toilet, as the lump inside of your throat threatened to force the contents of your stomach up with every passing moment.

You hung up the phone and looked at yourself in the mirror for a moment. You could barely recognize yourself now, and you weren’t sure if that was from the flagrant betrayal of your partner, or the undermining of your own personal rules for the past five months of your life.

After reflecting on what you’d done for a few minutes, you made your way back to the car. You sat down in the passenger seat, lip trembling as you thought about Steve, and the fact that you’d laid a trap for someone you had such strong feelings for.

Steve sat down just a few minutes later, a smile on his face, and snacks from the gas station in his arms. As he passed you a water bottle, he couldn’t help but notice the tears slipping down your face.

“Hey, what‘s wrong? Are you alright?” he asked, dropping the rest of the items on his lap and leaning over the middle console to console you.

You began to full-on sob now, each tremble of your body filled with regret. “I’m sorry, Steve. I am so sorry,” you repeated.

“No, no, you’re okay. What’s wrong?” he asked, frowning as he wiped your tears away with his thumb.

“I- I had no other choice,” you wailed, “I’m sorry.”

His brows creased and he pulled away from you, betrayal evident in his features, “oh.”

You swallowed hard and shook your head.

“So this was the plan all along?” he questioned. Your lack of response seemed to answer the question for him. “Was any of this real?”

“All of it was, Steve,” you all but whimpered out.

He sighed deeply and leaned his head against the headrest, eyes squeezed shut. He seemed to be searching for the words, but couldn’t quite put together what he truly wanted to say. It was silent in the car for a moment, aside from your quiet sniffles.

“I loved you,” he finally said, hurt evident in his delivery. The admission shook you to your core. You almost couldn’t believe that the first time you were hearing it was after you had put him into such a terrible situation. After you turned in someone that you cared about for your own gain.

“I know,” you looked away from Steve in shame, the look of hurt on his face now permanently imprinted in your mind.

The sound of sirens began to fill the air. Not too long after, you noticed the unmissable blue and red of emergency vehicles approaching your own. It was time.

You unlocked your door and exited without another word. You refused to look back to the car, keeping your head down and your eyes squeezed shut, knowing that if you had to see Steve being taken away, you might never get over the permanent sick feeling you were currently in the midst of.

You walked right inside of the building, stopping in front of an aisle of chargers and finally looking back at the mess that you had made.

“What’s going on out there?” the clerk asked from behind the counter, peeking out the large glass windows.

“I don’t know,” you feigned ignorance and casually shrugged, ignoring the fact that the sight of about a dozen police and SWAT vehicles was tearing you up inside. What were they going to do to him?

You turned away from the scene once again, pretending to browse through the low quality electronics next to you. You heard some yelling, a bit of a struggle, then it was all over.

The coast was clear. Your mission was over.

You left the store without purchasing anything. You moved sluggishly as you got back inside of the now abandoned vehicle.

You started the car once again. This time without the radio playing overplayed pop songs, and without Steve happily humming along. You stared blankly ahead of you, feeling numb above anything else. Steve's words resonated in your mind, bouncing around in your head as you attempted to make sense of what you just did.

Guilt was beginning to creep up on you in a way that you’d never experienced before. You immediately felt haunted by the ghosts of your memories with Steve. Of every entry in your mental scrapbook, of the final image of the hurt on Steve’s face as he confessed his true feelings for you. Of all, you were left with one terrifying thought.

You loved him too.

[gatorprompts]

𝐖𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 .

from  the  2021  album  by  orla  gartland .  drinking  references  present .  please  amend  wording  where  required !

THINGS  THAT  I’VE  LEARNED .

“ don’t  compare  your  face  to  the  other  faces . ” “ it’s  not  worth  it . ” “ you’re  living  your  life  in  your  mind . ” “ you  don’t  get  it . ” “ never  buy  the  jeans  that  you’ve  never  seen ,  you’ll  regret  it . ” “ these  are  the  bridges  that  i’ve  burned . ” “ these  are  the  things  that  i’ve  learned . ” “ it’s  okay  to  feel  everything  you  feel  all  of  a  sudden , ” “ there’s  no  manual  and  if  there  is ,  i  haven’t  read  it . ” “ say  what’s  on  your  mind . ”

YOU’RE  NOT  SPECIAL ,  BABE .

“ if  you  could  see  yourself  from  above  the  sky ,  i  think  you’d  say  that  you’re  doing  fine . ” “ life  is  short  until  it’s  not . ” “ people  always  let  you  down . ” “ find  the  ones  that  get  you ;  stick  to  them  like  hot  glue . ” “ dance  if  you  want  to . ” “ you’re  not  special  babe . ” “ i  know  you  feel  like  your  life  is  one  big  mistake . ” “ i’m  right  there  on  your  side . ” “ we  all  go  from  heartbreak  to  happy  to  heartbreak . ” “ some  things  just  don’t  change . ” “ you’re  an  adult  now . ” “ eat  whatever  you  want  for  breakfast . ” “ spend  your  money  ‘til  you  die . ” “ some  people  don’t  stick  around . ” “ don’t  let  yourself  down . ” “ everyone  cries ,  everyone  lies . ” “ everyone  hates  you . ” “ everyone’s  so  scared  of  the  future . ” “ everyone  fucks  up  and  then  breaks  up  and  then  makes  up . ” “ everyone  has  days  where  they  don’t  wanna  wake  up . ” “ everyone  loves ,  everyone  loses . ” “ they’re  on  their  own . ” “ everyone  else  is  covered  in  bruises ,  but  we  feel  alone . ”

MORE  LIKE  YOU .

“ i  love  the  way  you  sing . ” “ i’ve  been  tryna  copy  every  word  you  say . ” “ i  love  the  way  you  think . ” “ you  have  this  way  of  knowing  it’ll  be  okay . ” “ where  did  you  get  that  confidence  from ? ” “ i  know  that  i’ve  been  obsessing  in  the  worst  way . ” “ i  heard  it  from  a  woman  on  the  internet . ” “ she  told  me  to  eat  well  and  try  to  love  myself . ” “ then  maybe  i  won’t  wish  that  i  was  someone  else . ” “ tell  me  how  to  be  more  like  you . ” “ i  don’t  wanna  fight . ” “ i  wish  i  didn’t  care . ” “ maybe  i’m  the  one  she  had  to  outgrow . ” “ i  know  that  i’ve  been  flirting  with  the  enemy . ” “ please  don’t  be  so  perfect  in  front  of  me . ” “ i  think  of  all  the  things  that  i  will never  be . ” “ i  got  these  insecurities .  they’re  all  mine ;  there’s  nothing  you  can  do . ” “ the  other  day  i  caught  myself  just  looking  at  pictures  of  you . ” “ she  told  me  to  live  a  life  of  no  regret . ” “ so  maybe  i  won’t  take  you  on  as  such  a  threat . ”

OVER  YOUR  HEAD .

“ i  know  you  go  undercover . ” “ you  cross  your  fingers  and  say  that  you  love  her . ” “ i  know  that  she  isn’t  crazy . ” “ ego  is  a  scary  thing . ” “ power  is  a  game  to  win . ” “ you  might  begin  to  see  that  you’re  way  over  your  head . ” “ walk  away .  far  away ,  it’s  better  this  way . ” “ i  met  you  just  at  the  right  time . ” “ you  were  my  best  friend . ” “ confidence  is  a  tricky  thing . ” “ maybe  if  you  keep  your  eyes  closed ,  you  might  begin  to  see  that  it’s  all  gone  to  your  head . ” “ it  feels  like  drowning . ”

ZOMBIE ! 

“ you  live  like  a  zombie . ” “ turn  it  off  and  push  it  down . ” “ it  comes  back  round  again . ” “ you’re  not  a  bad  guy ,  but  you  do  this  all  the  damn  time . ” “ you  go  quiet  and  you  fight  it . ” “ you  don’t  know  how  to  feel . ” “ all  of  this  rage  in  your  hands . ” “ passed  on  down  from  your  old  man . ” “ and  now  somehow  it’s  my  fault . ” “ oh ,  who  is  this  monster  on  the  phone ? ” “ jacked  up  on  your  testosterone . ” “ i  hate  it ,  i  hate  it ,  i  hate  it ,  i  hate  it . ” “ take  your  time . ” “ ‘cause  babe ,  what’s  yours  is  mine . ” “ if  i  say  that  i’ll  stay  then  i’ll  stay . ” “ but  i  can’t  sit  here  watching  you  wasting  away . ”

MADISON .

“ don’t  even  know  what  i  was  feeling . ” “ what  does  she  know ? ” “ i’m  clearly  alright . ” “ i  guess  i  could  be  happier . ” “ i  suppose  i  could  be  less  of  a  dick . ” “ yes  i’ve  been  a  regular  at  the  bar  where  you  drink , ” “ i  like  how  you  think . ” “ how  you  been ? ” “ i  told  you  every  secret  and  you  sat  there  silent . ” “ i  needed  you  then ,  now  i need  you  again . ” “ you  wear  that  shirt  so  well . ” “ if  you’re  not  perfect ,  i  can’t  tell . ” “ i’d  never  have  to  think  for  myself . ” “ so  can  i  call  you ? ” “ this  sadness  is  familiar .”  “ won’t  you  please  call  me  back ? ” “ do  you  ever  think  about  me  just  pouring  my  heart  out ? ”

DO  YOU  MIND  ?

“ come ,  take  it  all . ” “ i  wanna  know  if  you’re  trying  to  be  honest . ” “ why’d  you  break  your  promise ? ” “ you  said  you  were  mine . ” “ i  wanna  fall  for  you  again . ” “ how  are  you  so  mechanical ? ” “ i  was  shouting ,  you  just  nodded . ” “ was  it  everything  you  wanted  when  you  fell  into  those  arms ? ” “ it’s  a  tired  reminder  of  what  i  didn’t  wanna  know . ” “ now  i  don’t  cry  like  i  used  to  cry . ” “ can’t  believe  you  didn’t  fight  it . ” “ you  dug  a  hole  and  hid  inside  it . ” “ oh ,  tell  me .  are  you  proud ? ” “ do  you  mind  that  i  stopped  asking ? ”

CODEPENDENCY .

“ i’m  not  happy  if  you’re  not  happy . ” “ i  swear  that  you’re  always  sad . ” “ you’re  pathetic . ” “ when  you’re  down ,  it  hurts  so  bad . ” “ it’s  like  i’m  half  alive . ” “ but  it’s  not  your  fault . ” “ i  think  i’m  the  problem  with  you . ” “ i  don’t  know  what  to  do . ” “ that’s  why  they  call  it  codependency . ” “ if  i  go  running ,  you’ve  got  nothing . ” “ tell  me  i’m  worth  it . ” “ tell  me  i’m  perfect . ” “ i’m  crying  out  to  be  more  than  some  little  dog  that  sits  around  at  your  feet . ” “ you’re  fucked  up  too . ” “ you  know  it  only  hurts  ‘cause  it’s  true . ” “ you’re  not  happy  if  i’m  not  happy . ” “ i  swear  that  i’m  always  sad . ”

PRETENDING .

“ how  the  hell  have  you  been ,  babe ? ” “ let  me  get  you  a  cup . ” “ all  the  people  over  there ,  they  don’t  seem  to  have  a  care . ” “ i’m  so  fucking  self  aware ,  it’s  exhausting . ” “ no  matter  how  i  try ,  i  repeat  it  every  night . ” “ i’m  done  pretending . ” “ all  my  heroes  are  way  more  sad  than  me . ” “ am  i  the  only  one  pretending ? ” “ who  are  you  so  afraid  to  be ? ” “ i  lied  about  liking  your  dress . ” “ i  lied  about  sticking  around . ” “ take  it  up  with  the  jury ,  ‘cause  i  don’t  really  care  anymore . ” “ if  you  listen  real  close  you  might  just  hear  the  penny  drop  on  the floor . ”

LEFT  BEHIND .

“ i’m  clinging  onto  you  so  tight . ” “ i  know  it  hurts  just  a  little . ” “ you  say  we  will  be  alright ,  but  i  have  my  doubts . ” “ it’s  better  to  be  holding  you  while  you  pass  through  than  not  holding  you  at  all . ” “ you  always  want  me  on  your terms . ” “ i  don’t  want  you  to  go  without  me . ” “ won’t  you  put  yourself  in  my  shoes ? ” “ i  know  this feeling . ” “ i’m  so  tired  of  being  left  behind . ” “ you  look  like  you’ve  been  having  fun . ” “ maybe  it’s  better  not  to  have  someone  at  all . ” “ then  no  one  can  let  you  down  when  they  forget  to  call . ” “ i  keep  having  this  weird  dream  where  you’re  going  off  to  war . ” “ i  think  i’m  done  with  this . ” “ if  you’ve  got  no  one ,  at  least  you’ve  got  no  one  to  miss . ”

BLOODLINE  /  DIFFICULT  THINGS .

“ i  think  it’s  kinda  fun  to  trace  it  back  to  where  it  all  began . ” “ i  saw  her  as  an  equal ,  as  a  friend . ” “ we  all  become  our  mother  in  the  end . ” “ you  can  leave  it  all  behind . ” “ you’ve  been  hiding  all  your  life . ” “ it’s  time  to  skip  a  beat  in  the  bloodline . ” “ i  always  feel  like  i’m  the  bad  guy . ” “ i’m  the  one  that  up’d  and  left . ” “ it  kinda  feels  like  i’m  living  two  lives . ” “ now  i  gotta  go  my  own  way . ” “ who’s  going  partying ? ” “ i  don’t  wanna  run  away ,  but  you  don’t  get  me . ” “ i  keep  it  in ,  ‘cause  we  never  talk  about  difficult  things . ”

[dilxq]

How haikyuu boys would react seeing you talk to another boy💛

Ft. Suna, Sakusa, Tanaka, Akaashi

>Suna<

You were at school waiting for the class to finish so you could go to suna and ask him if he wants to eat lunch together. It was like an execuse to see him, but he didn’t mind. He would always look up from his phone, give you a kiss on your cheek and reply with a simple but still heartwarming „sure thing cutie“. But today was a little bit different, when the bell rang you stood up to walk to his class but when you arrived he wasn’t there. That never happens, he would always wait for you in his class because he knew you would come to see him. Before you could think about where he could have been you heard someone call your name so you turned around to see atsumu. „Hey y/n wassup, yer lookin‘ for rin ?“ of course he would already know so you gave him a smile and answered “Yeah, do you know where he is ? He actually knows that i always come to see him.” He told you that the teacher caught him playing on his phone during class, he also added “about time” and the two of you started to laugh. Atsumu told you he would return soon so you should just wait,and right after that he offered to wait with you so you wouldn’t be all alone. You thanked him and so the two of you started to talk about funny things and laughed at nearly everything. About 5 minutes later, you heard the door open so the two of you turned around. Suna stood there with his phone back again in his hand. He looked at you then at atsumu and then back again at you. He sighted and took you by your wrist. “Im hungry. Let’s go eat.” You turned you head back to look at atsumu and see how he formed a “jealous” with his mouth and you could see how he had to hold back from laughing. After suna dragged you out of the classroom he pushed you against the wall and looked at you with narrowed eyes. “Why were you alone with him in a classroom” So you thought about what he probably would think of after seeing his girlfriend sitting on a desk with another boy alone in a classroom. ‘Oop-‚ you said to yourself. He got closer you could almost feel his breath on your face. You gave him a smirk and decided to play a little with him because it was really rare to see him being jealous. So you started to talk „nothing new“. He looked you in the eyes „wtf y/n ?“ you could slightly see the pain light up in his eyes so you regretted it and hugged him „i was looking for you rin and atsumu told me that the teacher took your phone“ you could feel how he sighed in relief “so i waited with him for you” He pushed you back to look at you and you could see how his eyes looked at your lips. You really wanted to kiss him so he came even closer and when you were about to kiss he turned his head and kissed you cheek. He took your hand and started to walk to the cafeteria. Now he was the one smirking. „Lets go eat.Im hungry”.

>Sakusa<

The two of you were in the same class and you sat next to each other but he would never talk to you during class because he wants both of you to focus so you just keep your attention to the teacher. While writing down your notes your pencil cracked and you didn’t have another one so you turned to sakusa. “hey uh.. do you-“ you tried but he didn’t even try to turn his head to you “concentrate y/n” was the only thing you got from him. You didn’t want to bother him more so you turned to your other side, to your classmate. You asked him for a pencil and he gave u one of his. You thanked him and he even told you that you can keep the pencil. Both of you talked for a bit until the teacher told u to stop. So the two of u turned back to your own things and you continued taking your notes. You could feel the gaze from sakusa but you tried to ignore it as good as you can but u couldn’t take it anymore so you turned to him and asked him what his problem was. He didn’t answer until class was over. As you started to pack your things you turned to your boyfriend to see if he was ready to go eat but he was just sitting there, not looking at you. You walked to his desk so you would face him “Baby are you fineeee ?”, he looked up to you and finally said anything “why did u ask him if you have a whole ass boyfriend to ask for a damn pencil”, you looked at him with a serious face and told him that you tried to but he just ignored you. Then he realized that it really was all his fault and also the reason for his jealousy. He looked down and apologized quietly with a annoyed “sorry”. You just couldn’t anymore so you sat on his lap and hugged him. You could feel how his hands reached to yours waist to get you even closer. “so will you answer me next time i talk to u during class?”, you asked him. He looked back up to you and teased you “nah”, he said with a light smirk on his beautiful face. “only if you kiss me here and now”, he added while coming closer to your lips.

>Tanaka<

On your way to your boyfriend tanaka, you bumped into a random guy. You didn’t recognize him but you could tell he was a student at karasuno since he was wearing the same uniform as you. You apologized and tried to continue walking but he took you by the wrist. A little bit uncomfortable you looked down to your wrist and saw him squeezing gently. „ Hey little one, let me invite you to a meal“, he said while coming closer, „ you know, to say properly sorry“, he smirked. You tried to push him off of you, but obviously he was stronger, so instead he grabbed your other wrist and now you were trapped. You told him to let you go and that you have a boyfriend but he didn’t listen so you started to get mad. Is he being serious right now ?! „You should really let go if you don’t want to get injured“. He started laughing. „HAHAHA WHAT ARE U GONNA DO SHORTY ? PUNCH ME ?!? awwwwe“ He got even closer „Hmm? tell me what are you gonna do ?“. You could feel you blood boiling inside you , what if tanaka sees the whole thing.. what would he think.. - no. He would kill him probably. And now you remembered that you two were going to meet up so he should be looking for you by now. As expected you hear him shouting from the other side and the boy infront of you started to cursing „The heck is wrong with this dud-“. The poor boy couldn’t even end his sentence, instead he was panting on the floor and you couldn’t even count to 3. “WHO ARE U AND WHO GAVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO LOOK AT Y/N ?? HUUUUH ?!” You walked over to him and hugged him from the side. He also put his arm around your waist “ Did he do anything ? or was he trying to do anything, cuz if yes..” You told him that he didn’t do anything and that the two of you should go now “ Alright… good for him tho cuz NOT EVEN NOYA COULD STOP ME IF I WOULD BEAT HIM UP NOW”. Damn that must mean something. You started to laugh and drag him away but he kept glaring at that boy. ahhh how much u loved him.

>Akaashi<

School was over and you went outside to wait for you boyfriend Akaashi. You went over to one of the schools vending machines to get something to drink. As you decided what you want someone came from behind you. “Hey y/n, wassup “, one of your friends greeted you. The both of you talked for a while. When you told him that you wanted to buy something to drink, he turned to the vending machine and asked you what you wanted but you kept telling him that its okay and that you have your own money. “No no, i insist”, he smiled. So he went with strawberry milk. As he handed it over to you, you thanked him and opened it. ‘mhmm why is he taking so long ?’, you thought. Slightly confused your friend looks at you “hey y/n are you fine ? are you waiting for anyone by any chance ?”You snapped out of your thoughts as you told him thats its fine and he will come soon. “He ? Who is ‘he’ ?” Suddenly you feel a hand wrapping around your waist. It was Akaashi, ‘finally’, you thought. “I am ‘he’. Nice to meet you y/n’s friend, I am Akaashi, y/n’s boyfriend”, he smiled , “If you excuse us we have a date were going on now, lets keep in touch” Wow. You were impressed of how smooth and cool he got you out of there. But you remembered him mentioning something about a date, so you asked him “Were you joking about the date thing earlier ”.He looked down to you and gave you a small peek on your forehead “No actually not, are you free today ?” And with that the both of you enjoyed the day <3

And i hope u also have a great day, night or whatever !

~💛

[serendipityjxmn]

Mr. President

Chapter 20

TW: Explicit violence, mentions of guns, drugs trafficking, gory killing scene

Words Count: 3k

Link to Masterlist

Link to Chapter 21

At first, you’re more like a property to him. He learned that the only way he can keep something or someone around for a long time, is if he treats them like a property. Because human’s feelings change, and he needs to protect himself from hurting.

Everything that he’s told you, the reason behind the marriage, the purpose of you are all true.

He needs to marry anyway, as one of the stupid ancient condition his old father has set and he knows his father had set it to make him stay grounded.

He scoffs, wondering why his father doesn’t learn from his past mistakes. And that’s why he’s made a plan on his own, to marry someone without a powerful background, one he can easily dispose when it’s time, one who won’t be a liability to him. A tool.

And now that tool is missing. He pinches his temple, eyes shut close. He’s alone in his office, late at night because he doesn’t sleep well these days.

Since his wife had packed her bags, left him and gone missing.

He sighs thinking about the last argument he had with you. It’s your own fault for building castles in the air and mistaking those as his genuine gesture and fall in love with him. And he realises that because he is not stupid. And during that one night, he sees you, fully sees you and he can’t deny the desire it stirred in his mind. This may be a temporary marriage but it doesn’t mean that he can’t touch you. After all, you are his wife. He knows you are beautiful, he’d known it since the first day because he isn’t blind. Yet he knows he can’t touch you without your consent. Although he did slip up because he tends to lose his vigilance around you. And that’s how he came up with another proposal.

Yet the proposal took a very different turn and became your last straw to leave him.

He couldn’t believe that you’re stupid enough to fall in love with him. Don’t you fear him? You know he’s dangerous yet you still confess your love to him and he doesn’t know whether to worship you at your feet or spanks you for it.

He’s never led you on and has never failed to remind what you are to him, simply an object yet you still fall for him.

He lets out another heavy sigh. Because frankly, he doesn’t know what to do. All of these aren’t supposed to happen and you’re not supposed to love him.

He had put up barriers and boundaries around himself and that’d made it very hard for anyone to simply approach him. People don’t approach him unless they want something from him and he’s well aware of it because he knows how the world works. Not to mention the fact that he’s the leader of the biggest mafia gang, notorious for all sorts of services they offer; machinery, assassinations, bribery, illegal weaponry, drugs trafficking and namely everything else. That had made it a billion times more difficult for anyone to approach or him to let anyone in.

And you’re well aware of it.

But you still fall for him.

He just doesn’t get it; how you’re able to fall for him despite knowing who he is and what he’s capable of.

He scoffs thinking how he could easily kill you. You’re too soft, weak and fragile.

Yet you still fall for him.

Despite knowing how easily he could kill you.

And without asking for anything in return.

And Jimin doesn’t find that believable at all. And at the face of such genuine adoration, he doesn’t know what to do. Because who on earth would be stupid enough to do that?

But you did. You are his stupid wife.

And that makes it even easier to kill you, not just by him. And the thought of anyone laying a finger on you angers him. It makes him want to kill someone. Tear their limbs one by one. Burn them alive. There’s just too many options.

But first he has to find you.

He sighs, for the hundredth time. You’re such a headache.

And that’s when his phone rings. A call from a private number.

“If it isn’t Y/N’s beloved husband..”

Jimin could feel his whole body tensing. “Who are you?”

The person from the other end laughs. “Damn, I need to come find you more often so you’d remember. You beat me into a pulp before.. and now I want leverage. You think you can just take my sister for free?“

Jimin’s hand clamp in a tight fist. “Jay.”

“You remember.. not bad. You see, when you take my little sister, you’ve caused me some complications. You can say she’s my source of income. She’s a pretty slut, no denying that. And I could’ve earned fortunes from selling her off. And you-“

“How much do you want?” Jimin cuts him off.

“Ah.. you’re a smart man.” He laughs before his tone turns serious again. “100 million won would do. For now. And don’t bullshit me saying you don’t have money or whatever. I know you have that much.”

“Where should I meet you?”

“I’ll text you the time and place. And don’t think of calling the police or bring your little friends. I have someone powerful backing me. She’s my little sister, but I’m not gonna hesitate to do anything if you don’t listen to my words. Right, little sister?”

A shrieking scream piercing through the phone is the last thing Jimin hears before Jay hangs up. Jimin’s whole body filled with rage and he grips his phone so tight it almost breaks into two.

“He’s not gonna come...” you slur, your vision not entirely clear and your swollen lips making it hard to enunciate words once Jay finishes his phone call to your husband.

“We’ll see about that bitch. And if he doesn’t.. count your time now..” he says in full malicious tone.

You don’t know how long you’ve been knocked out again but you wake up when you hear commotions.

“And the knight is finally here.” You hear your brother’s voice.

You struggle to focus on your vision. Your whole body freezes when your husband comes into view.

There’s no way Jimin’s here.

Perhaps it’s just a hallucination.

It’s a whole level of pathetic, you think. Because even when you’re in this state, he’s all you could see.

Perhaps you’re really nearing the end of your life, and your mind conjures whatever it desperately wants the most.

“Clara, what the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” The person hisses.

And it’s weird because it’s your husband’s voice.

You blink several times.

And there really is your husband, walking into the warehouse alone. He can’t had possibly willingly walks into a lion’s den alone like that? It’s like a death wish.

Clara turns immediately as soon as she sees Jimin. “Ah.. Jimin.. my Jimin..”

Someone comes and pushes Jimin forward and makes him sit on a chair and tie his hands on his back.

You swallow thickly. You still can’t process the fact that your husband is here.

He finally turns to look at you and he stares at you for several moments, just taking in the sight of battered you covered in bruises and blood and you see the clench in his jaw.

You let out a gasp when the guy standing beside him takes out his gun and points the muzzle on the back of his head. You feel anger bubbling inside you at the sight of it.

Gathering all source of strength, you yell, “Leave my husband out of this Jay!”

Jay quickly steps forward and leaves a stinging slap on your cheek. “If you dare hurt him..” you start and earns another slap from him, making you whimper in pain. You cough several times, your throat feels like burning.

Jimin eyes you furiously. “Keep quiet. Don’t make any sound.” He says, jaw still clenched very tightly. “Clara, what the fuck is this? Why are you here?”

She comes and slowly sits on Jimin’s lap. You notice how he doesn’t flinch away or jerk from her touch. “Baby.. we’ve dealt for years.. good business, good sex. And then you’re suddenly married and you just.. I don’t know, changed?” She says as she runs her fingers across your husband’s cheek.

Jimin just glares at her. “Why did you help him?”

She runs her hand down from his cheeks to his jaw and then settles on his chest, palms flat against them. She shrugs then. “I don’t know.. you know I’m a little crazy. I like having fun. And things.. had been boring. Business is boring, you are boring.. and perhaps I’m trying to put you in place a little, you asshole.” She glares at him.

He gives a very murderous look. “I’m gonna make sure you regret this.”

She leans closer. “Awww shh baby.. I’m not gonna hurt your precious little wife..” and closer. You realize she’s about to kiss him and you hastily look away. You don’t want the last memory you have of your husband before you die is being kissed by another woman. She gets up from his lap, fingers still faintly brushing him everywhere. Then she smirks. “But maybe he will.” She laughs and then exits through the door.

“Did you come with what I ask for?” Jay asks and Jimin juts his chin towards a large black duffel bag on the floor beside him that you hadn’t realized. Jay grins. “Nice doing business with you.. brother in law.”

“Now let us go.” Jimin says.

Jay stops inspecting the money inside the bag and turns to look at him. “No, don’t think it’s that easy..” He signals something and one of his men comes forward. “See, perhaps you don’t really know my sister.. but let me tell you this. She is a fucking whore. And I’m gonna let her be a whore. And you.. you’re going to watch every single men here stick their dick into her pussy.”

Your whole body goes numb as soon as you hear that. Desperately, you glance at your husband. He doesn’t look at you but instead just stares at your brother. You’ve never seen him look so murderous before. Your eyes widen in panic when they pull you from the chair and then roughly push you till you’re kneeling on the floor on all four.

“J-Jimin-” you say, voice thick with desperation.

“Sshh.. shh little sister.. don’t worry.. perhaps your husband might even get hard from this. Don’t you want to please your husband?” Jay smirks.

You feel you eyes start to water when your brain reaches an end and think that there’s no way of escaping this.

He calls one of his men and several others starts to approach as well, all wearing the same look of lust. Jay grabs a handful of your hair and yank it backwards, forcing you to look up. “She’s all yours..”

The nearest guy smirks and licks his lips as he looks at you and starts to strip his pants. You look away immediately. You let out a cry when the guy kneels beside you and yanks your jeans down, exposing your bottom.

“No, no please, please-“ you start to beg and Jimin hisses.

“Keep your fucking mouth shut.” He grits. “Don’t beg.”

You look at him and find him staring right back at you.

“Just look at me.” He says and fresh set of tears run down your cheeks.

The guy smacks your behind making you cry in pain and you almost collapse to the ground but he holds your waist firmly, groping each side harshly. Then, you feel a hand slides from your shoulder towards your throat and slowly starts choking you.

Your head starts to spin from the lack of air supply and you want to scream so badly but no words could come out. The pressure on your throat is so immense and your lung starts to ache.

Then you see a knife hovering in front of you.

A moment of realization hits you that you’re really about to die and it suddenly makes it so imperative that you tell something to Jimin.

“J-Jimin- I love-“

But before you could finish your words, you hear people bursting the doors open and people in suits come rushing in large quantity.

You try to focus your vision on your husband.

His face is calm. Too calm.

Your sight moves towards the crowd rushing in again and briefly sees Taeseok among them and a rush of relief runs through you. The guy choking you eases his grip on your throat instantly as he gets distracted and you feel like collapsing immediately as you struggle to breath again.

Everything happens so quickly. Someone rushes to your husband’s side and unties him and then he’s beside you instantly while someone else unties you. You try your best to glance behind you and sees Jungkook frantically untying you after fixing your clothes.

“Y/N oh my god-“

Jimin quickly shrugs his coat off his shoulder and immediately covers you. He looks at you as he holds you tight. His embrace is so warm and you just want to close your eyes and lean against him. “Keep your eyes open, we’re getting out of here.” He says roughly.

You’re not entirely sure with your vision but you think someone gives Jimin a gun and he starts shooting at people and you freeze, sounds blaring so loudly in your ear. You let out a strangled scream and you squirm away under his embrace that he looks down immediately. Then he looks at Jungkook.

“Jungkook.” He says and Jungkook nods and you feel yourself slipping out of Jimin’s hold while Jungkook brings you flush against him.

For a moment, there are just sounds of guns, people screaming and punches being thrown.

Jungkook pulls you to the side where it’s safer but you just can’t shut your eyes when there’s too many things going on. You then try to focus on your husband. He’s a good few metres away from you and you couldn’t clearly see the face of the other person but you think Jimin’s holding the guy that was going to rape you just now. And then he shoots him right in the head without thinking. And then another shot right at his chest even though the guy’s already crumbling to the ground, lifeless.

Someone then comes up and thrusts your brother to Jimin, making him kneel in front of your husband. You don’t see it before but you now notice that he’s holding a knife on his right hand. Jay’s expression turns horror as Jimin nears him. And then slowly, your husband carves his face with the knife as your brother’s inhuman shriek fills the warehouse.

Your eyes go wide with horror as you watch the traumatising scene unfolds. You feel a scream bubbling from deep inside your throat yet they’re unable to escape from your lips. Your throat somehow still feels constricted.

“Holy fucking shit.” Jungkook mutters and you realize his grip on your arms tightens.

It’s slowly getting more quiet in the warehouse as most of your brother’s or Clara Kim’s men are now dead as they were hugely outnumbered by Jimin’s people. You then realize that he’s taking his time with your brother.

“What did you say you’re about to do to my wife? Cut out her face?” He chuckles. “Let me show you the real art.”

He leans close.

And then he carves your brother’s right eye out while he shrieks in pain.

“This is for touching my wife.”

And then he carves the other one.

“This is for messing with me.”

The scream finally escapes your lips.

“Fuck-“ Jungkook says and quickly covers your eyes and mouth.

The screaming doesn’t stop for a few more minutes and you think you’ll remember your brother’s inhuman scream till the day you die.

“Jimin stop it. She’s gonna get a trauma.” You hear someone says. Jin..?

You hear footsteps approaching you and then suddenly, Jungkook’s hand is being yanked away and your husband’s face comes into view. His forehead beaded with sweat and his expression furious.

You look at him in horror, frankly still traumatised and terrified at him.

But he doesn’t seem to notice. Instead, he thrusts a gun into your hand. “Do you want to kill him?”

Your panic immediately and clutched his arm desperately. “No, no please- let’s just go-“

“Ssh.. ssh I’m here.” He takes back the gun. “And we’re gonna get out of here.” He pulls you into his embrace, cocks the gun and fire a shot straight into Jay’s head.

Your entire body freeze. You watch in horror as your brother’s life starts seeping out, his breathing ragged until finally.. it stops.

“Good God- did you really have to shoot him in front of Y/N?” You hear Namjoon says.

“What?” Jimin asks, confused.

“God, you’re so stupid sometimes Park Jimin.” Yoongi says roughly.

Your husband finally turns to look at you and registers the paleness of your face. “Y/N, you okay?” He asks and then makes you stand to your feet. He keeps his hand steady on your waist and you’re thankful because you can’t feel your feet at all.

You don’t know how but from the corner of your eyes, you see someone who’s lying on the floor slowly lifts a gun and your eyes widen when you realize he’s aiming at your husband.

One of Jimin’s bodyguard sees it too and moves to kick the gun away and he did- but not before the guy cocks the gun and all the bodyguard manages to do is change the target, because the bullet hits you instead.

You fell to the ground immediately when the bullet cuts through your shoulder. It’s weird because it hurts so much that you almost feel nothing at all.

Jimin’s eyes widen when he sees you.

For a brief moment, you think you see your whole life flashes by in your mind very quickly.

If you die right now at the hands of your husband.. that you’d fallen in love with.. it doesn’t seem so bad..

You smile.

Then slowly, you bring your hand up to Jimin’s face to touch him one last time.

And then everything blacks out.

A/N: I rarely write post chapter notes because I’m afraid it would destroy your emotions lol but I just wanna thank everyone who had given support since day 1.. the story would not have come this far without the kind words you guys gave me. I feel a little bit emotional because we’re almost more than halfway through with their journey.. haha okay I’ll stop here. see you guys in the next chap! 🥰

Buy me a coffee here! 💜

Link to Chapter 21

Posted on 210516 9:00PM

[youamongthemelissas]

hi mwah <3

may i have a scenario with zoro being a brat who doesn't want to go down on his girl, but she just puts in his place by sitting on his face? 👀

ara ara, it seems that the fifteen hours I've been sleeping have made me reap the rewards uwu

well, I really hope you like the result and that those 3,3k words make up for the delay in my writer's block. i've only reviewed it a few times because i'm really really sleepy right now, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes! :(

warning: oral sex (giving and receiving), fingering, face sitting, etc. only for +18. smut everywhere

Zoro and I had known each other for almost two years, but he changed his position from hookup to boyfriend two months ago. Our chaotic relationship started at a horrible party. Everything that night was horrible, except when the handsome guy approached me offering his help when some ramshackle human being spilled water on my shirt. To complete my disaster, the outfit I wore was white and cotton, so it marked the contours of my breasts just right. Damn day I decided to leave my house without wearing a bra. Too embarrassed, I just crawled into the bathroom – which didn't even have a lock – and waited for the crowd to dwindle or for my shirt to dry so I could get out of that unhealthy place. But fate didn't have the best plans for me, as I saw the bathroom door open and a man enter that cubicle.

"This is the ladies' wc, you know?" I informed the guy angrily.

“I know,” he replied simply. "I saw the whole scene, so I decided to come make sure you're okay."

I arched my brow and stared at him with half-closed eyes. Was he feeling okay? I looked for signs of drunkenness in him, but his voice was steady and he looked too sober.

“Very nice of you, but you can't just lock yourself together with a strange woman in a cubicle. You know, I can interpret this as sexual harassment!” I snapped.

“Oh, fine. I was going to lend you my shirt so you could wear it and wouldn’t have to wait for yours to dry, but I see you don't need my help. Bye and sorry for the inconvenience,” and so he left, not giving me a chance to respond.

I cursed the Universe, but then I stopped myself because a tarot reader had informed me that a situation like this could happen throughout the week and I didn't listen. In the end, it was my fault for being a stubborn and skeptical one.

I really couldn't tell how long I was locked in that fetid cubicle, but when my t-shirt dried enough not to leave me practically naked from the waist up, I walked out and saw the same guy as before, he was talking to a red haired girl, actually it looked more like an argument was going on between them by his annoyed expression and her restless gestures. Would she be his girlfriend? Was the discussion focused on me and the bathroom incident? Well, I wouldn't stay there to find out and risk getting hit by the girl for something that wasn't my fault. He was the one who entered the ladies' room with an unknown woman!

And my disastrous night ended when I lay in my bed and turned off the light to finally sleep and erase all memories of the party from my head. But that boy's face has not left my mind.

The days followed normally, and when I was already forgetting the cool guy, I saw him for the second time in a bakery. He wore the same shirt that day of the party and sweatpants. His sleepy face gave away that he had just woken up and had just left the house to go buy bread for breakfast. He saw me but pretended not to. I got the feeling I should have apologized for the misunderstanding, but he was already making the request. Luckily, we were assisted together as soon a second attendant appeared who assisted me as well.

As soon as we paid the bill, we silently left the place and I got a chance to talk to him as we were heading in the same direction.

“Hey,” I called him, being ignored. "Boy, wait a minute"

“What is it, girl?”, he snapped at me sharply.

“I wanted to apologize for the misunderstanding… Seriously, I was just freaked out by a guy walking me into the bathroom…”, I was sincere.

"It's all right. Go on with your life in peace.”

“And you had a girlfriend, right? Like, you were still wrong in the end…” I couldn't hold my mouth before needling him.

This time he stopped abruptly and turned to me, making me smack my face into his chest.

"Girlfriend? First you accuse me of sexual harassment and now besides being a harasser you think I'm a traitor?”

“I didn't accuse you of anything! Except the girlfriend part. You and that red haired girl seemed to be fighting really bad, like boyfriends do,” I clarified.

“Redhead girl?” he seemed to search his memory for what I was referring to. “Nami? God forbid me dating that devil woman! She's not my girlfriend, and we were fighting because…”, he stopped mid-explanation. “This is none of your business, girl. But she's not my girlfriend,” he ended the pseudo-argument.

I nodded and went on my way.

“How long will you follow me? Now I can interpret that you're a deranged stalker”, he told me right after we turned down the same street, after walking close for a few meters.

“I'm not following you, my house is on this way”, I replied.

And that's how I found out that we lived in the same condominium.

Although I clearly remember the first two times we met, I can't say when exactly we started to change our cat-and-mouse relationship and elevate it to a more intimate one. Maybe it was when he fucked me for the first time in the laundry room in the building. I was taking my clothes out of the machine while he put his clothes in another one, and then we looked at each other and as if we had the same idea, he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me up to put me sitting on top of the machine he had just finished stuffing with his own clothes, putting it to work and taking me in a kiss while taking off my panties. When he entered me, I moaned loudly, but the sound was drowned out by the shrill noise of that old machine. Zoro confessed to me later that he chose precisely that one so my moans could not be heard. I think it was the most insane thing I did, because at any moment someone could come and catch us, but luckily for us that only happened after Zoro had cum on my thighs and taken me off that old thing. It was weird walking with my legs sticking together because of his cum, but I didn't have time to clean up, just lift my panties and straighten my skirt before passing the newcomer, who didn't seem to have noticed our presence.

After our first sex, we didn't get apart anymore. We couldn't be alone as we caught fire and had sex wherever we were.

As time went by, we calmed down and our meetings became more spaced, but our chemistry didn't extinguish even a little bit during these almost two years, on the contrary, it only earned us the beginning of dating. And we became more than just hookups, we became friends too, those who know about each other's lives and I got to know Nami, the red-haired friend he was fighting that night at the party. I came to discover that they could never be boyfriends, because she loved money and women.

Everything with Zoro was almost perfect. He was a good boyfriend, and even though we're two hotheads, we never fought. There are always dialogues in our relationship and this helps a lot to avoid unnecessary fights. Besides, sex is wonderful, everything just right, except for one small thing that bothers me. We combine a lot in bed, I always try to please him and give him pleasure at all times. I've lost count of how many blowjobs I gave him and how many times I let him cum in my mouth, but the problem is that he never even gave me oral sex. And that makes me a little frustrated and scared. Was the problem with me? I took good care of myself, but he always shifted position when I tried to get him down on me.

One day, while I watched him playing his favorite game, I stroked his hair.

“Babe?”, I called him.

“Hm?” he mutters, not moving an inch.

“Do I disgust you?” I asked bluntly.

"What? Where did you get this ideia?”, he turns abruptly to face me, doing something wrong in the game because soon there are some curses directed at him in the chat.

“It's just a question.” I shrugged.

“It can't be just a question. For you to ask me that, there's definitely a reason behind it,” he replied, no longer looking at the TV screen, and not realizing that he was being offended by the other players. Damn virgins.

“Nevermind…”, I hesitated, unable to let myself be affected by the comments, which weren't even for me. "Your game friends are very angry with you."

"Fuck them, the issue here is you.", he held my face with both hands, making me look at him. “Tell me what made you think about it,” he looks deep into my eyes, almost reading my soul and I immediately regret opening my mouth. But it was too late, lying was out of the question, because he knows very well when I lie, so I had no choice but to tell the truth.

“You never gave me an oral. So I deduced that the problem is with me”, I said at last and he let me go.

It was his turn to shift the focus to another corner.

“It's nothing to you, it's me who is the problem. I've never done that to any women, and in the movies I see them “squirt”, what if that happens?” He looked a little frustrated and embarrassed.

I got up from my seat and stopped standing in front of him, making him glare at me.

“You have to stop thinking real life is a big porn movie, Roronoa,” I said, putting my index finger on his forehead. “I really admire you knowing how to fuck without looking like a caveman”, I said that last sentence more to myself.

“Hey!” he heard and seemed offended. "It hurts, okay?"

“Sorry, but that is nothing but the truth”, I rolled my eyes.

Even though he didn't suck me when we had sex later, the seed of doubt was already planted in his head.

I know this, because days later he was more committed to making me cum. Before he seemed to care only about his pleasure, but after our conversation, he even put his fingers to work on my clit – which were presented by me –, as he moved in and out of me, until I came on his fingers. It felt good, but I wanted to feel his tongue down there, and wanted to see his head between my legs. I wanted so badly to squirm in pleasure beneath him as he sucked everything I had to offer him.

When the dream day finally arrived, all my thoughts turned opaque as I felt him hug me from behind and lean his body against mine as his lips found the skin of my neck.

“Do you know how hot you look wearing my shirt?” he asked huskily, pressing me closer to his body, making my ass fit into his crotch. And I already felt it was hard. "Even more so I know you're not wearing anything under it."

I couldn't hold back the moan as I felt his fingers travel up my waist until they reached my breasts under the fabric. He squeezed it first and then circled the nipple with his finger, making it hard. He knew how sensitive I was in that area. And to my delight, he lowered his other hand to between my legs, and slid it to find my sex, which was already starting to get wet.

When I was in his apartment, I liked to have just one piece of clothing. Walking around his house half-naked was one of the most satisfying things for me, because I knew that anytime we were going to get laid and being too undressed would get in the way of the process. So I opted to wear just a pair of panties or a T-shirt with nothing underneath, as was the case now.

He removed his hand from my body and pulled me away, but only to pick me up and take me to his bed, where he laid me down and leaned over me and started kissing me.

His kiss tasted like the whiskey he drank a few minutes ago. I ran my hands over his body and scratched him lightly on his back, inside his shirt. He ended the kiss and rolled off of me, but only to undress. I watched the scene intently, looking at each piece of skin that was revealed to me little by little. When he took off his underwear and his cock popped out, I felt my mouth water. He was there in front of me, completely naked.

I got rid of his t-shirt I was wearing and crawled until I was close to his body, took his hard member in my hands and started masturbating before putting it in my mouth. Unconsciously, I reared my hips up, and ran my tongue over the glans, tasting the pre-cum. Without waiting, I felt him lean over to smack my ass, and it made his cock almost hit my throat, making me gasp. I pulled it out of my mouth, gasping for air, but went back to sucking on it. When I relaxed, I put him in one piece and this time I got used to that intruder so deep, and I heard him grunt. He loved when I swallowed him like that, but before I could make him cum, he gently withdrew from my mouth and lay down on the bed, turning me to stand beside him.

He kissed me again and wrapped his hands around my waist and slid them to my ass, where he slapped my ass, making me moan into his mouth.

We made out until he was on top of me, making me feel his hard cock on my thigh as he kissed my neck and played with my nipples.

I was already throbbing with lust, and it got worse when he slid his fingers to my clit and touched his fingertip to that sensitive spot, making me arch into him. But he did nothing but tease me, and I wanted him to use his tongue this time to bring me to orgasm. For that reason, I forced his head down and he got the message, surprisingly trailing kisses down my body, but before he got there he stopped and returned the kisses to where they were before, leaving me frustrated.

I sighed in annoyance, and shifted our positions, getting on top of him. I positioned myself right on top of his cock, and I fit my pussy there, not to slide him inside, but to rub myself there. He liked my boldness a lot, but I abruptly left the place until I was positioned right in his mouth. I felt him startle under me, but it was too late because I was already sitting pretty well in his face, with my cunt snug in the place where I always wished it was. He showed no resistance, just ran the tip of his tongue over my clit and I closed my eyes, sighing.

At first, he was stuck and a little lost, but little by little he got used to it and now his whole tongue passed through my intimacy, sometimes sucking painfully. It was good for me and it was good for him too, because I felt him grip my thighs tightly, holding me in place as he penetrated me with his tongue. I saw stars. When he smeared the entire place and when my body showed signs of the first orgasm, nimbly and using a little force he took me off him and put me back on the bed, with my back to the mattress. I thought he had given up, but he again slid down my body and positioned himself between my legs, giving me that wonderful sight. Again he pressed his tongue against my clit.

Seeing him there, with his head buried in the place I'd always dreamed of, made a fire burn in my stomach, and my brain worked tirelessly on the new sensations his mouth was gaving me me.

And he looked very committed and thirsty. He was like someone who had gone days without even a drop of liquid and who had just found an inexhaustible source of pure water. And I was that source. And just the thought of having him thirsty for me was enough to give my boner more ammo and make my hips start working nimbly, looking for more contact. Zoro shaved every day, but there were already two that he didn't shave, so the growing hairs scraped the inside of my thighs when I moved my hips, leaving goose bumps.

His tongue explored every corner of my intimacy and his arms closed tightly around my legs as he brought one hand to one of my breasts and rested it there, squeezing every now and then as my body showed signs of orgasm.

He didn't let go of me when I came for the first time or when I screamed for the second. Instead, he circled my waist with his arms and held me immobile in place as he sipped every drop that dared escape from me. He showed no signs of satiating even when I scratched his shoulders or slapped him in the arms to get him to let go. In fact, it felt like it was just an extra boost for him when I was on the verge of madness, writhing in his mouth and thrashing around aimlessly for support and control of the spasms in my body.

He was both a sadist and a masochist at the same time, which is why I was so attracted to him.

When he released me, I was almost voiceless and completely shaky. I wouldn't be able to form an intelligible word, and his playful smile, which I saw blurred due to the tears pooling in the corners of my eyes, gave away his satisfaction at seeing me in that state.

When I finally composed myself and my heart stopped beating in my chest, pulse, and throat, I took a deep breath and stared at him. He was lying beside me, looking at me and running his hand down my face, lovingly.

“You look beautiful when you're coming”, was the first thing he said.

“You look handsome between my legs”, I returned the answer in the same tone.

He smiled and massaged his jaw, as if in pain.

“Too bad it takes so long to cum, my chin hurts”, he complained and I rolled my eyes.

“You didn't leave me after my first orgasm,” I accused. “For those who were afraid of giving me oral sex, you seemed to enjoy it a lot”, I continued, with a pout.

“I had no idea you were that tasty,” he said, smiling slightly. “Now you better get ready, because your taste has gone straight to the top of my favorite flavors”, he assured me, as he pulled me by the waist to glue my body to his.

I kissed his lips softly, and touched our foreheads, and he kissed me again, obscenely. It didn't take me long to be on my knees for him, determined to reward him for the multiple organs he gave me.

Seeing him from above, with his eyes closed and his expression filled with pure delight, made me want to feel his cock in the back of my throat to the point of gasping for air. But he refused to cum inside my mouth. He lifted me up and positioned me on all fours on the bed and placed the condom on his cock.

When he sank into me, I moaned loudly, too happy that my sex life with my boyfriend was perfect.

[ellavogues]

what did you wish for? - harry styles

summary: long distance has put a strain on harry and yn’s relationship, especially as his birthday is fast approaching

a/n: last repost from my old blog, i still freaking love this. this fic means a lot to me because parts of it was based off of my own life. as always, ily all <3

masterlist

The light turned to dark as she sat by her phone watching reruns of  The Office, waiting for Harry to call her like he did every night. Her  day was particularly bad, everything that could’ve gone wrong went wrong  - from her forgetting her umbrella when it was bucketing down to her  somehow locking her car keys in her car (which led to her incurring a  $200 fee for the roadside assist service getting them out). Then, when  she trudged home in the pouring rain, clothes completely soaked and her socks inside her shoes wet, she received an email informing her the  elevators in her building were out of service. Unluckily for her, she lived on the 16th floor.

All she wanted was to see his smile to  turn her day around. Harry never failed to turn her worst days into good  ones just by being him, but being in a long distance relationship put a  strain on that. Sure, they would visit each other every now and then, but both of their jobs were demanding and meant they couldn’t travel as  much as they wanted to. Harry could travel more than she could, but she  didn’t think it was fair that he’d always have to be the one to hop on a  plane and fly across the world.

The familiar ringtone played and her eyes lit up in excitement. Y/N reached for the phone and answered to hear him yelling  some utterance at his friend, to which his friend responded with something  equally as snide.

A smile crept onto her lips as she lightly  giggled at his attitude to his friend, and she could almost feel them roll her eyes at his snarky remark. Y/N would be lying if she said the  huff of annoyance he let out as he returned his attention to her wasn’t hot, as well as the way he ran his fingers over his stubble then through his curly hair.

“How do you want to celebrate your birthday, Haz?” Y/N  asked softly, not wanting to make his bad mood worse and hoping the  change of subject would make him happy.

Harry sighed, closing his  eyes as he composed his answer. “What’s the point?” His tone wasn’t soft  like hers, nor was it disappointed. It appeared that he was angry that  she brought up the topic. In a matter-of-fact tone, he continued,  “You’re not in London with me, you’re in New York. There’s no point in celebrating with you if you’re not here.”

“We can FaceTime?”

He rolled his eyes at her suggestion as if it was the stupidest thing he had heard, and sarcastically laughed at her.

“What’s  with your attitude, Harry? I want to celebrate with you! It’s not my fucking fault that I can’t be in London!” She frowned, frustrated that the distanc  between them was the topic of conversation, like it always seemed to be.

Harry scoffs in response, the look on his slightly pixelated face dumbfounded  that you would even suggest that it wasn’t your fault. “I have offered  to fly you out to London many times, Y/N. There are plenty of jobs for you  out here that you could apply to and that you know you would get because  you’re so damn good at what you do,” he retorted, tired and irritated.  Though Harry was usually incredibly patient with everyone, especially her, these increasingly frequent conversations had begun to wear him  thin and gradually made him resent FaceTiming her at all, despite still  being completely and utterly in love with her. “You’re being stubborn about moving for no reason.”

They were both quite stubborn individuals, but in the past Harry was usually the one that compromised to make her happy. He valued her happiness over getting his own way.  When they reconnected a year ago, a few years after finishing school, and quickly realised their friendship was based on more-than-friend feelings they faced the problem of living in different countries. Although it seemed like a breeze at first, Harry scoffing at  anyone who claimed long distance would be hard, as their feelings grew  deeper and his visits less frequent, they both longed for a more  physical presence of the other, rather than just virtual. This was  something Harry was absolutely not willing to compromise on. He had his whole life in London, and he knew that he could give her the life she deserves if she  would just take up his offer. He knew she was scared of leaving her  family behind to move in with him, and he understood. Harry tried to keep his cool about this topic, but eventually he became exasperated.

“No  good reason? Why should I be the one to move? Why is it me that has to pack up my entire life just to be with you?’” She scolds him for being so rude, and feels like he’s completely brushing off her feelings. “You are able to work from wherever you are. I am not. you should be the one  to move.”

“Me?” Harry was astounded at was his girlfriend’s  response, and was indigent at her crazy suggestion. “I can not leave London just because you’re scared of leaving the city you’ve been in all your life.  My work is in London, you know this. You know I have to be here to work,  just because I technically could still record in New York does not change that the majority of my work and networks are in London. You’re being a bit dramatic and unfair about this, Y/N. I’m tired of arguing about this all the time.  Goodnight.”

The fact that he hung up on her makes her see red,  blood boiling as she clenched her fists and teeth. He knew what he was  asking of her; to pack up her whole life just to be with him. He was being selfish and unreasonable and she was being exhausted of having  this stupid argument that neither of them ever won every time they talked. She felt like he never considered her friends here in New York,  and that he always brushed off how she felt about the move. This fight  had gradually become more tense as time went on, as they knew that a  decision would eventually have to be made if they wanted their  relationship to grow.

///

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she claimed.

“I  know you and H had a fight,” Harry's friend responded, the one on the phone earlier. “He told me what  happened and he feels really bad. Like, really. I know he would really appreciate it if you were here for his birthday.”

She sighed,  starting to feel slightly guilty too for the way she reacted. She feels  even more guilty for the fact that they hadn’t spoken at all in the past  3 days, besides a text from Harry simply saying Sorry for hanging up on you.  When Y/N received the text, she was still calming down from their argument, still hurt by the way he made her feel that her career wasn’t  as important as his. She still loved him, and she still misses him, though.

“I can’t afford a ticket, you know that. Not everyone makes a fuck ton of money like you and Haz-”

The friend chuckled softly over the phone before reassuring Y/N, “I’ll  pay for it. Come and surprise him, he’ll feel a lot better and it’ll  give you guys a chance to work it out in person, where you can’t just  hang up on each other.”

Y/N knew that his friend was right, she knew that she and Harry needed a face to face conversation about the future  of their relationship because long distance hadn’t seemed to be working  for them anymore. Their virtual dates, while well thought out and  romantic, weren’t the same as being there in person with him. Being  there and lightly brushing legs as they sat down at the small table,  hearing his laugh without the audio cutting in and out, being able to  hold each other’s hands. It wasn’t the same.

Maybe that is why Y/N and Harry had been arguing so much, because their relationship relied on strong wifi connections and the ability to be on their phones all  day. And it wasn’t enough for either of them anymore.

“Okay, thank you. I’m really grateful you’re doing this for us,” Y/N finally responded, expressing her gratitude.

His friend felt a wave of relief, ecstatic that Harry might finally get out of his shitty mood. Even though he didn’t mean to take out  his annoyances on his friends, and he apologised every single time he  gave them an uncalled for attitude, but it seemed his bad mood was never dissipating. When finally asked what was wrong, bursting through his door in a fit of exasperation, he broke down and told her about  their FaceTime, and all their FaceTimes before it. About how every subject they discussed seemed to lead to the same topic: the distance between them. He admitted he regretted his harsh words, and regretted him acting like he thought his job was more important than hers.

“It’s really not a problem,” his friend promised. “I’ll email you the flight  details and the invite, I can’t wait to see you! It’s been so long!”

“It’s been, like, a month and a half. Not that long.”

“That is so long! I miss you like crazy.”

“I  miss you too,” Y/N giggled.

She flopped back on her bed, grinning from ear to ear and  excited she would finally be able to see her boyfriend again, yet dreading the impending and necessary conversation they would have to have.

//

Y/N had anxiously got out of her Uber when she  arrived at a friend's house for Harry’s surprise party. She was  visibly shaking, stuttering as she said thank you to her driver, nervous  that his reaction wouldn’t be good when seeing her. She was scared that he didn’t want her here anymore after their fight, despite his friend constantly reassuring her that he would be over the moon to see her.

She  knocked on the front door, which his almost immediately answered.  “Hey! Y/N!”

The loud exclamation earned the attention of  the other attendees of the party, all shocked to see Y/N after Harry had repeatedly, and bitterly, told them that she was going to be in New York for his birthday.

“Hey,” Y/N smiled,  greeting everyone. She glanced around the room, seeing the fairy lights  hanging from the ceiling, the island bench covered with a gold table  cloth, the backyard decorated with gold balloons and streamers. “Woah,  the party is super cool! Harry is going to love it.”

“Harry is going to love that you’re here and not in New York.”

When Harry finally arrived, the lights were switched off and  everyone scurried to grab their phones out to film. Y/N waited behind everyone as  the group gathered close together to surprise him when he walked in.

“Oh my god,” Harry spoke. “It smells funny in here.”

She let out a quiet giggle at his comment, but was quick to muffle it before he heard it was her.

When he made it past the gold streamers that blocked the front door from the living area, everyone yelled out SURPRISE,  going crazy and covering Harry with confetti. His face had pure joy,  happiness and gratefulness plastered all over it, ecstatic that his  friends would do something so sweet for his birthday, although he most  likely already knew about the party. He glanced around the room, and  almost had to do a double take when he saw his girlfriend. Y/N had told  him she wouldn’t be able to make it, making him dread his birthday since  he didn’t see a point in celebrating it if it wasn’t with her.

When  the crowd had dispersed, Harry made his way over to her and grabbed her  chin gently, tilting her face up before saying “Hey, love” and kissing her softly. He broke the kiss and pulled his girlfriend into a warm embrace.  She was so glad to see him, in person, to be able to hold his hand and  hug him and just be around him. In person.

They were pulled  out of their moment when Harry’s friend asked if they wanted a  picture, to which Y/N responded no and he responded yes.

“Don’t be shy, love,” he teased, smiling like a cheshire cat as he put her hair  behind her ears. “I want to remember you being here tonight, let’s take the picture.”

It wasn’t long until it was time to cut the cake,  Harry having Y/N by his side the whole night because he didn’t want to  waste a minute he could spend with her. Being with him reminded Y/N why  they were dating, and why she loved him. As the night went on, she felt  the fight that was seemingly big feel less important, because she  realised that she was making excuses as to why she couldn’t move to London  with him. She was being stubborn for no reason, and she noticed that the  only thing holding her back was her. Not her job, she could find a new  one in London, not her family because she barely saw them anyway, not her friends because half of her friends were in London with Harry anyway. When she saw Harry walk through those streamers, it became crystal clear how silly she was  being.

Harry knew what he wanted, and being with her that night just made him more sure. He decided he wasn’t going to stop fighting for  his relationship with her, and if that meant he had to settle down his  requests for her to move to London with him so she felt more comfortable, he would do that. Despite wanting nothing more than to live with her, to  wake up every morning and see her face, to Postmate her favorite coffee every morning, to surprise her with spur-of-the-moment dates every now  and then. He wanted her, and he was willing to wait if that’s what he  needed to do.

After everyone sang happy birthday to him, his arm slung loosely around her, he blew out his candles.

“What did you wish for, H?”

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Gone Forever

Gif credit @angelreyesgirl.

Gif credit @shadesalvarez and @mayans-sauce

Requested on wattpad.

Hope you all enjoy it. There is going to be a part 2.

Taglist. @nocturnalherb16. @jesseswartzwelder. @leaalfred. @creepers-baby-girl. @writerwithasoul. @twistnet @believinghurts. @ilovetaquitosmmmm. @mayans-mc. @baylishh.

Warning: mild assault. Cheating.

"I'm tired of your shit, Angel. All we ever do is fucking fight. I'm tired". You sit on the edge of the bed, your head in your hands.

Angel scoffed. "Cry. That's all you ever fucking do. You're the damn reason we fight all the time".

You look up from your hands and narrow your eyes at him. "You're really going to blame me? Are you fucking kidding me? Who comes home drunk out of their mind and trashes the house? Who didn't pay the electric bill this month and I had to borrow money from my parents because you spent it on a bike that doesn't even run. It has no motor no nothing". You yell, getting up from the bed walking to him by the door frame.

"I'm a fucking adult. I can do as I fucking please. So fuck off, you whiney bitch". Angel was inches away from your face. You wanted so badly to knock him in his teeth.

"Get out of my house". You gritted your teeth, turning your bad on him.

"What did you say"?

"Get the fuck out of my house". You reared your hand back and slapped him across the face. But quickly regretted it. "I'm sorry".

"I'm gone. I'm fucking gone". Angel walked down the hall holding his face, knocking off pictures of the once happy couple on the wall and coffee table. 

You sat down on the bed crying. You have never hit Angel before and he's done stupider shit than this before. He's even cheated on you before and you've taken him back. But after he didnt cheat on you again. You hated yourself right now.

Angel rode to the clubhouse, he needed something strong and wet. He went to the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey and sat down on a couch. Unscrewed the top and took a long swig. His eyes bounced around the room. Finding the perfect girl for him to take his mind off things. But Ez stepped in his way.

"What the hell happened to you"? Ez asked sitting down in front of him.

"That bitch hit me". Angel touched his eyebrow and brought his hand back with a smidge of blood.

"Y/N? Y/N, hit you"? Ez chuckled. He couldnt see you hitting Angel.

"Yes, her. She flipped on me".

"Good. She's put up with your shit for so long. I'm surprised you're still alive after all the shit you put her through".

"I didnt make her stay. That was her decision. She knew what she signed up for when dating me".

"Bullshit, Angel. You purposely do shit to make her mad. I've seen you make her cry over a spilt drink. You're a dick and Y/N is a good girl. She deserves better". 

"Are you hard up for Y/N? Huh? Because you're defending her instead of your own brother. Fuck it. She's just a wasted memory". Angel chugged more of the whiskey and got up from his seat grabbing the closest girl to him and disappeared. Ez shook his head. He couldnt believe his brother. Throwing a good girl away for what? A shitty excuse for a girl that's been with everyone here.

While Angel got his dick wet, you were wiping away your tears. For good. Life didn't evolve around Angel. There was better out there and you were going to find it. Sooner than you thought.

There was a knock on the door and you went to answer it. Opening the door you saw it was Ez.

"What, what are you doing here"? You covered up with your robe as the wind came blowing in.

"To see if you're alright"?

"I'm fine Ez". You said stepping aside so he could come in.

"Angel's at the clubhouse".

"Oh. So he's already moved on"?

"Not sure. I left before I saw anything. He was chugging a bottle of whiskey".

"Great. Well he's not my problem anymore. I'm done. He missed up to many times and I'm sick of it. I've done everything to make him happy and all I'm getting is shit. I'm worth more than that". You say sitting down on the couch, picking up one of Angel cigarettes and lighting it.

"You don't smoke". Ez came and sat beside you.

"Maybe I'll take it up. Trying things new now since I'm free". You chuckled then let out a cough. "Forget it. I'll stick to having lungs". Ez laughed.

"I'm sorry about my brother". Ez sat back on the couch.

"It's not your fault. You had nothing in making him that way". You laid back with him.

Ez's eyes jumped around your face as you watched his. You bit your lip as he came closer to you. Then out of nowhere Ez crashed his lips on yours. His strong arm pulled you on top of him, straddling his waist. Your hands went to his face, kissing him deeper. He sucked on your tongue as you moaned.

"We can't". You abruptly stopped him, pulling away from the kiss.

"You're right, we can't...here". Ez picked you up and carried you to the bedroom, gripping your ass and kissing at your neck.

"Ez". You moaned licking your lips as Ez laid you gently on the bed. He stood beside you taking off his kutte, then his shirt and finally while was standing in his boxers. He cock poking out of the pee hole of his boxer.

His chest heaved up and down as he watched you slowly and teasingly take off your shirt and short..

"God, you're so beautiful". He growled jumping on the bed, hovering over you. Your hands going up his sweaty chiseled body. Ez spread your legs wide, settling down in between them. The tip of his cock rubbed against your clit, making you whimper.

"I've wanted you for so long". Ez kissed your lips softly, taking his time as he ran his hands up your sides and down your hips. His touch was like fire when touching you. Goosebumps on goosebumps formed. Your body trembled as you laid under him.

"Now you have me. Show me what I've missed". That started something in Ez and the beast took over. His softness turned into passion and love. He wanted you to remember this night forever and you would. But so would Angel. When he would found out.

[trilliastra]

a series of firsts

[5 first times + 1. Shinwoo x Taekyung. A light on me fic.]

-

1. 

“What is this?”

“Flowers.” Taekyung states, matter-of-factly. Shinwoo rolls his eyes, unimpressed, but he can feel his ears turning red as he watches Taekyung’s lips turn up into a smirk.

Taekyung likes teasing, Shinwoo has come to realise. He likes pointing out the redness of Shinwoo’s ears, remembering his inability to hold a proper conversation when they first met, leaning in for a quick kiss when Shinwoo least expects.

It’s infuriating and adorable and Shinwoo wishes he could tease him back, but all his thoughts leave his mind when Taekyung smiles, batting his eyelashes sweetly as if he did nothing wrong. It’s a problem.

“What for?” Shinwoo asks, looking at the potted plant in his hands. He doesn’t know what kind they are, never really paid attention to flowers before, but knowing his boyfriend, they probably hold some obscure (or cute) meaning.

“Our anniversary.” Taekyung explains.

Shinwoo almost drops the plant, surprise and panic growing inside him. 

“One month.” Taekyung adds.

Oh, oh no.

He remembered it, of course. Shinwoo has been counting the days, the weeks since they first got together. He put a heart on his calendar, marking the day forever, and now, every morning when he wakes up, the first thing he sees is the calendar on his wall, the red heart smiling at him. It’s a good way to wake up.

“I -” he falters. Damn it, he can feel his ears getting hot, “your present, I-”

“You didn’t remember it, did you?” It’s not really a question and Taekyung reaches out to touch Shinwoo’s ears fondly.

“I did!” Shinwoo argues, “I always remember, I put it on my calendar just in case -” Shit, he notices Taekyung’s eyes widening at the confession and Shinwoo looks around, swallowing heavily. Is he a bad boyfriend for thinking about running away?

“Really?” Taekyung smiles, not that teasing smirk, but a gentle smile, sweet, fond. Shinwoo has noticed that he only smiles like that when they are together. 

“I -”

“It’s okay.” Taekyung interrupts his apology with a quick kiss on his cheek. “I didn’t really expect you to buy me something.”

“But you did!”

“It’s my mom’s.” Taekyung confesses. “I didn’t think I had to buy anything but then Namgoong texted me and I panicked.”

Shinwoo blinks. “Oh.” He feels even dumber now, because he got the exact same text from Namgoong and the only thing that crossed his mind was ‘I’m gonna walk Taekyung home today’.

“Oh.” He repeats, gathers his strength to ask, “I guess we should talk about this, right?”

Taekyung frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve never been in a relationship before, is this - is this something we want to do? Monthly gifts?”

Taekyung’s expression goes pensive and he shrugs. “Isn’t that what people do?” His boyfriend gives back. Shinwoo gets distracted by the way he bites his lip, blushes when Taekyung notices and snaps his fingers in front of his eyes. “Shinwoo.”

He clears his throat, looks away. “I - yeah, some people, I guess. But, do we want to do it? Because,” he shrugs back, “it’s sweet, but -”

“It’s a lot of work.” Taekyung completes and Shinwoo sighs, relieved. “I couldn’t even think about that to give you now, I can’t imagine doing it every month.”

“And the money.” Shinwo adds, smiling when Taekyung nods, resolute.

“Once a year is enough, right?”

“And birthdays.” Shinwoo adds after a minute.

“That sounds fair.” Taekyung agrees, smiling, and Shinwoo kisses him to seal the deal.

-

“You should take this back to your mom.” Shinwoo says after a, admittedly, long time. Well, it’s not like Taekyung wasn’t kissing him back.

Taekyung hums in agreement, cheeks pink and mouth red from all the kissing. 

They get lost in each other sometimes, Shinwoo hopes this feeling won’t ever go away.

“Soon?” Shinwoo asks.

“Soon.” Taekyung agrees, already pulling him back in for another kiss.

-

2. 

Taekyung isn’t at the student council room when Shinwoo arrives after his math class. He closes the door back again immediately, running towards the exit.

He thought they could talk after school, but Taekyung is still avoiding him. Shinwoo was dreading this moment as much as he was anticipating it, but he realized that being without Taekyung is so much worse than apologizing for a mistake.

It was their first fight.

He was stressed with his school work and he had a fight with his mother yesterday morning, his mood was sour and Taekyung ended up paying the price. Shit, he was so stupid.

“Can you leave me alone?” He had said, already regretting the words the moment he said them. He meant it, though, and Taekyung knew it as well, he always does.

Sometimes, when things are hard and he is feeling particularly bad with himself, when his self-deprecating thoughts invade his mind and he can’t push them away, he just wants to be left alone to deal with it by himself, to curse his choices, his abilities, his brain.

He snapped at Daon once, when his friend tried to cheer him up, and almost made Namgoong cry when his friend heard Shinwoo call himself a useless piece of shit. They worked it out, Daon patting his back when he apologized and Namgoong making him promise not to say anything like that ever again, but Taekyung - Taekyung doesn’t deserve someone like him. 

He was waiting for the moment Taekyung would notice he’s not good enough to be with him, but he didn’t think it would happen so soon. His boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) at least deserves an explanation.

‘It’s not your fault’, he wants to say, ‘it’s me, I’m the idiot’.

“Shinwoo.” Namgoong follows him outside. “Taekyung is looking for you.” He pulls him by the arm, practically dragging Shinwoo back into the school building and leading him towards one of the empty classrooms.

“He is?”

“Duh.” Namgoong says, shaking his head. “He is worried.”

“He is?” Shinwoo asks again, dumbly.

Namgoong sighs, frustrated, and lets go of his arm. “Remember what I told you the last time?” Shinwoo frowns. “I said I was going to smother you with kisses and hugs until you believe you are worthy of love. But that was when you didn’t have a boyfriend.” He shoves Shinwoo inside a room. “He’s gonna do that now.” He says, punching his shoulder - hard - and closing the door in front of Shinwoo.

When he turns around, surprised and confused, he sees Taekyung waiting for him.

-

“I’m sorry.” They say at the same time and Shinwoo falters, heart skipping a beat. There it is - the end, three months and five days after the first time Taekyung took his hand, called him his boyfriend and accepted the goodbye kiss in front of his apartment.

Three months and five days and Shinwoo will be alone again. He knew it was going to happen, knew it was inevitable and yet the pain is stronger than anything he’s ever felt.

Taekyung stalks towards him, determined, as Shinwoo takes a step back, slamming his back against the door. He could run, he thinks, eyeing the exit, but suddenly Taekyung is right there, hands on both his cheeks, eyes shining with a fire so bright that it scares Shinwoo.

“Why do you look like this?” Taekyung asks, turning his back from one side to the other, leaning closer as he seems to be inspecting Shinwoo’s face. “Are you sick?” He stops. “Your ears aren’t red either, what’s wrong with you?”

Shinwoo blinks once, twice, three times before he gathers the courage to ask. “Why did you apologize?”

It’s Taekyung’s turn to blink confusedly. “Because! You were upset and wanted to be left alone and I didn’t listen. I’m sorry.”

“But -” Shinwoo feels the cracks in his heart mending, the fear that once consumed him being replaced by hope, “I yelled at you. And you’ve been avoiding me since yesterday, you - why are you not breaking up with me?”

“What?” Taekyung tilts his head to the side, lets his hands fall. “I was giving you space! Isn’t that what you wanted?” He blinks, brings his hands to his hair. “Ah, I’m so confused!” He then turns to Shinwoo, points a finger at his face. “Do you want to break up?”

“No!” Shinwoo answers immediately. “I thought you did! I mean, you should! Because I yelled at you!”

Taekyung sighs again, turns around and starts pacing around the room. He whispers to himself, words that Shinwoo can’t hear or understand, before he schools his face into something less confused and more annoyed, turning to Shinwoo again. “I have no idea what’s happening,” he confesses, taking Shinwoo’s hand and pulling him to the nearest chair. He forces Shinwoo to sit down, hands on his shoulders and then sits on the chair opposite him, face determined. “Explain.”

The earnest look on his face, the eagerness to understand Shinwoo, to solve this misunderstanding, it’s enough to make Shinwoo nod and start talking, ears burning red with shame and fear, but when the tears start streaming down his face Taekyung wipes them for him, and somehow Shinwoo knows that they will work it out.

Three months and five days and one fight later, Shinwoo finally breaks.

-

3.

“You can tell me if you need to be alone.” Taekyung whispers in Shinwoo’s ear as they hug. Taekyung walked Shinwoo home this time, the reversal of roles made Shinwoo feel cherished as if all he needed was someone to take care of him for once. “And you can tell me when you don’t want to be alone.”

“I will.” Shinwoo promises, tightening his hold on Taekyung’s shirt. It’s late and his parents have texted him many times, but he doesn’t want to let go. Ever.

“Thank you.” He whispers.

Taekyung pulls back, but Shinwoo doesn’t have time to mourn the loss of heat before his boyfriend is squeezing his cheeks with both hands, smiling fondly. “I love you.” He confesses.

Shinwoo thought he was all out of tears for tonight, but the words make his eyes water again. “Not fair.” He mumbles, sniffing pitifully, chest so full of love he feels like he’s going to explode in a million pieces. Taekyung laughs softly, his own eyes filling up with tears. “I was going to say it first.”

“It was my turn.” He teases, sneaking in a quick kiss. “See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” Shinwoo sniffs, squeezing his hand. When Taekyung turns around, he calls him back. “I love you, too, you know?”

Taekyung laughs, loud and carefree. “I know.”

- 

4.

They are alone in Shinwoo’s room, his parents gone for the weekend. It’s not the first time Taekyung stays over, but the air is heavier now, the tension building up since he closed the door behind them.

He thought about this, Taekyung in his bed, smiling at him teasingly, hands sliding down his back, under his shirt, inside his pants-

“Do you-” Shinwoo forces himself to say, “do you want to eat something? I could-”

Taekyung shakes his head, shy in a way Shinwoo has never seen before. Taekyung likes to tease, he is playful and honest and straight-forward, rarely timid in front of his friends. “Okay.” Taekyung says, looking down at his own hands as if they are the most interesting in the world. Shinwoo sighs.

“Hey,” he kneels in front of his boyfriend, “we don’t have to-”

“I want to.” Taekyung confesses, cheeks a delightful shade of pink. “But I- I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know either.” Shinwoo says. “Never been in a relationship before, remember?”

“Yeah, but-” Taekyung looks up, blushing harder when their eyes meet, “you never - with anyone?”

Shinwoo shakes his head. No one has ever made him feel like this, no one will ever make him feel like this. There is only Taekyung.

“Oh.” Taekyung whispers, shoulders relaxing. “So you don’t know what you’re doing either.”

Shinwoo huffs out an embarrassed laugh. “No.” He reaches out for Taekyung’s hands, but stops before they touch, waits for Taekyung’s permission. When his boyfriend nods, he takes his hands, brings them closer and presses a kiss on each palm. “We can stop any time, you just have to say it.”

Taekyung nods. “You too.”

Shinwoo smiles and stands up, pulling Taekyung with him. “Let’s eat first.”

His boyfriend smiles and follows.

-

It’s hot and messy and they laugh for a long time when Shinwoo’s first attempt to open Taekyung’s pants fails. Taekyung blushes when Shinwoo kisses his neck, chest and lower, but he doesn’t tell him to stop, only moans softly and then louder when Shinwoo touches him.

When he’s taking out his shirt, Taekyung doesn’t look away, lets out a huff of frustration when Shinwoo slows down, fumbling to open his own pants. “Too slow.” His boyfriend whines, hands touching his chest and trying to pull him closer again. Shinwoo gasps when their bodies touch, skin to skin, as they kiss deeply.

They’ve touched each other before, in Taekyung’s room, but it was rushed and messy because they knew Taekyung’s mother could come home any time. Shinwoo loved listening to Taekyung, watching his face when he’s close, laughing together after they crashed on the bed, holding hands and enjoying each other in the afterglow.

But this is different, it’s new and weird and amazing all at the same time. Shinwoo is gentle, careful in his touches, even when he feels Taekyung’s nails scratching his back, even when his boyfriend asks for more, he tries to make it last.

They will have other opportunities to try different things, to discover what they like and don’t like, but they will never have their first time again.

“Shinwoo.” Taekyung moans when he comes with Shinwoo’s lips on his neck, placing soft kisses on his skin.

“I love you.” Shinwoo whispers when he comes, holding Taekyung tightly and wishing they could stay like this forever.

-

5.

Taekyung looks like his mom, Shinwoo notices. They have the same eyes, their noses looking a bit similar as well. That does nothing to ease Shinwoo’s nerves though, because her cutting glance is as intimidating as Taekyung’s when he is annoyed.

“Shinwoo,” she says, assessing. When he nods, bowing again, she narrows her eyes at him, “Taekyung’s boyfriend.”

Taekyung visibly squirms from his place next to her, as if he wants to join Shinwoo but doesn’t dare move away from his mother. 

“Yes.” Shinwoo nods again, eyes going from Taekyung to his mother and then back to Taekyung. Taekyung’s father is still nowhere to be seen, Shinwoo doesn’t know if that’s a good thing. He doesn’t think he will be able to handle another meeting. “Noh Shinwoo.” He clears his throat. “Nice to meet you.”

“Uh-huh.” She says, calmly, as if this is just another day at the mall and not the most awkward moment of Shinwoo’s life.

“Mom,” Taekyung calls, “stop, he is going to pass out.” Shinwoo touches his ear, he can bet they are as red as a tomato.

“Alright.” She sighs, then opens her arms, smiling brightly and pulls Shinwoo into a hug. “Hello.” She says, voice soft and cheery and Shinwoo really feels like he’s going to pass out.

-

They had talked about this, Shinwoo wanted to meet Taekyung’s parents, he really did! But it never worked out as they planned, work emergencies, family problems, once Taekyung’s mother burned dinner and they had to cancel because she would not dare ‘serve burned food to my son’s boyfriend’.

So, months passed, close to a year and though Taekyung met Shinwoo’s parents on multiple occasions, Shinwoo ended up never meeting Taekyung’s.

Until today, when Shinwoo is shopping for Taekyung’s birthday. His luck, really.

“Is that for Taekyung’s birthday?” She asks, eyeing the bag Shinwoo has tried to keep hidden from his boyfriend. Taekyung left them alone while he went to the bathroom and Shinwoo has been trying really hard not to run away. 

“Uh, yeah.” He looks around, lowers his voice. “It’s a drawing kit, he said he wants to try drawing again.”

“Ah, yes, he told me.” Her eyes soften and she smiles at him again. “You’re a good boyfriend.”

Shinwoo clears his throat, embarrassed. Her smile widens when she notices his red ears. “Ah, thank you. I- I try.”

“I hope Taekyung is a good boyfriend, too.”

“Yes.” Shinwoo rushes to say and his voice comes out louder than he expects. “Yes,” he closes his eyes, counting to five in his mind, “he is.”

“Good.” She says. She’s still smiling, Shinwoo notices, but her eyes are somewhat sad and, with a heavy heart, Shinwoo notices that she’s mourning.

“He- he is great, the greatest person I’ve ever met.” He confesses. Taekyung’s mother blinks, surprised. “It’s- it’s because of you that I got to meet someone so special,” he takes a deep breath, “thank you.”

When Taekyung comes back from the bathroom, he takes a look at his mother’s red eyes, Shinwoo’s red ears and gives them both a curious look. “What?”

“Nothing.” His mother answers, wiping away her tears. “I’m just really happy you found each other.”

-

+1.

“Why are you crying?” Shinwoo asks as Taekyung sniffs against his chest. “We will still see each other.”

“Not everyday.” Taekyung answers, pulling back and slapping Shinwoo’s shoulder playfully. “Don’t forget me.”

Impossible, he doesn’t say, but Taekyung knows, they’ve talked about this. And it’s not like he isn’t scared either, going to university, meeting new people, learning new things. It is scary. But he trust Taekyung’s feelings, he trusts his own heart.

They will be okay.

“I love you.” He says again, will keep repeating it every day, every year so that Taekyung won’t ever forget or doubt how much he is loved and cherished.

“I love you, too.” Taekyung answers back easily.

[astranva]

Daffodil

Word Count: 3.1k

Category: Angst

Warning: Some strong language.

Inspired by lines from Lana Del Rey’s excerpt from her poetry book – ‘L.A, Who Am I To Love You?’

“And also I can't sleep without you No one's ever really held me like you Not quite tightly, but certainly I feel your body next to me.”

Daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings.

 It was suffocating.

Oxygen wasn’t always an ally, at least not there and then for Harry. He had changed t-shirts 4 times after each one got soaked with his own sweat, before finally resorting to taking a shower.

His body felt limp, like it was on auto-pilot mode and he wasn’t in control of it, only watching as his legs dragged him to the room he tried to avoid if it was anything of no necessity.

He remembers a time when he loved the full-body mirror that stood in the room. He remembers the amount of pictures that one mirror caught, the amount of kisses it had witnessed. But as he passed, his stomach flipped upside now.

He had been avoiding seeing his face for far too long, could go as far and say that he hadn’t seen himself since it happened, a month ago.

But he caught a glimpse of himself and he couldn’t help but divert all his attention to the reflection that stared back at him. His hair was greasy, red blotches on his cheeks that seemed to mock him for crying too much for his skin’s own liking, puffy eyes, dry lips that reminded him that the alcohol he sipped at wasn’t what his body needed and that it needed water. He looked…pathetically sad.

But he was okay with it, being sad. Of course he was, how couldn’t he?

He looked dull – dead. Harry grimaced at the sight, his heart seeming to break and shatter even more – if possible – at the sight, feeling as if he couldn’t really recognize himself.

He took a shaky breath, tearing his gaze away from the reflection before moving along with the simple task; showering.

He hadn’t bothered taking out clothes prior to stepping inside the bathroom, wanting to just get it over with.

Harry took off his t-shirt and boxers, throwing them in the hamper before his eyes caught sight of it. Her toothbrush.

His mind was loud, screaming at him to keep his hands to himself, to get his shit together and maybe throw the damn brush away but he shut that off, reaching to grab the vibrant green toothbrush with rough bristles, as if confirming the absence of its owner.

“Fuck,” he cursed, feeling his nose itch before he set the toothbrush back in its rightful place, right beside the hair cream she used to use.

It probably didn’t help that he used her minty shampoo and coconut shower gel, mindlessly doing so. He hated how dependent he was on her, even when she wasn’t there but he didn’t know any better and he didn’t want to.

Harry’s shower was quick, as if he was in hurry to get out of the place that held so much of her belongings. The cold water didn’t soothe his muscles either, it only tensed them more, making him shower with a clenched jaw as he struggled to get used to the cold temperature – it was too cold and he fucking hated how it made sense.

It was all too cold.

Without her.

He had dried his body quickly before reaching towards the cabinet underneath the sink to take out the microfiber towel which she had gotten him,

“The material just causes lack of friction, know what that means? Less frizz. It also dries your hair faster than the cotton ones.” She had said as she dried his hair one night after her trip from the grocery store, the pink microfiber in her hand thoroughly drying Harry’s wet hair before she began scrunching some of the long lockets of hair.

He loved the towel.

He loves her.

Walking naked and barefoot, he opened the wardrobe, taking out a pair of shorts and resting them on his shoulder before opening a drawer to take out briefs. Harry contemplated wearing a top at all, but then reached to grab one – the one right on top.

Hers.

His movement halted as he felt the material in his hand, looking at the familiar watermelon-printed t-shirt.

“H!” She ran to him the moment he stepped inside their home, a wide grin on her face as she looked at his amused face. How couldn’t he be? She was standing in a watermelon-printed t-shirt and Toy Story-themed shorts. “Look what I got!”

It was that damn t-shirt and the love they made that night that had him write Watermelon Sugar.

That t-shirt.

His chest seemed to clench around his heart, almost begging him to put the t-shirt away, and that time, he listened and folded the t-shirt and put it behind his pile of t-shirts, nonchalantly grabbing another t-shirt before speeding out of the room to put on his clothes somewhere else.

Harry wasn’t stupid, but at times like these, he really thought he was.

He was stupid enough to think that it was the room he could escape when in fact, she was implemented in every little nook, every cushion – everywhere. Hell, even the coaster he had put his cup of tea on in the morning was one she had gotten.

After putting his clothes on, he walked to the kitchen. Surprisingly, he found his phone on the kitchen table, lit up as it released no sound and he was more amused by the fact that he had forgotten he placed it there.

‘Gem’ the screen had read, showing him a picture of him and his sister from when they were kids.

Harry debated picking up the phone. They all had been checking up on him, almost pleading to visit him but he was set every single time;

“I want to be alone.” He had said, every time.

He knew they were concerned, knew they cared about him but he couldn’t not cringe and grow even more melancholic when he heard the pity in their voices and, worse, he knew that in their minds, they probably called him a few names;

Pathetic.

Coward.

Dick.

He knew they probably liked the state he was in because after all, it was all his fault.

He gulped, taking his phone in his hand before answering, putting the phone on his ear and waiting for his sister to speak first.

“Harry? You here?”

He hummed, “Yeah.” His voice came out hoarse and scratchy, making him clear his throat.

Gemma sighed through the phone and he wasn’t sure what type of sigh was that, but it seemed to be as one of relief. He really needed to assure them more often.

“How are you?”

Harry had begun to hate the question. He didn’t like lying, but how could he reply with the same miserable answer every time? If you wanted an honest answer, he would give you one that went like that:

“Never been worse. I’m sad, I’m hallow. I think I need therapy but I know I need her more. I miss her but I’m a fucking dick.”

But he didn’t settle on that one for Gemma, no. Instead, Harry moved to fill the kettle with water while balancing his phone between his ear and shoulder, and gave her an answer anyone would want to hear,

“’M fine. How are you?”

But Gemma wasn’t just anyone. She wasn’t a distant relative nor was she a friend he hung out with every other year – she was his sister and she knew him better than that.

“You can be honest, you know?” She reminded him, “I understand.”

It assured him, really. Not enough to make him smile, but it felt somewhat nice but nonetheless, he hummed.

So, Gemma went on, “I want to head to the flower market, what do you say about joining me?”

Harry’s movement halted, standing straight and holding his phone with his hand, “Which?”

She was glad he didn’t decline right away, but knew she still had to choose the right cards to play. “Columbia Road’s.”

“Th-I-That’s one of her favorite places.” He commented.

“What are the odds that she would be there, Harry?”

“Yeah, what if she was, Gemma? I-I can’t, ‘m sorry.” He shook his head, feeling anxious at just the mere possibility of seeing her.

“Please,” Gemma said gently, “You love that place.”

Because of her, he wanted to say. It was her who made him love that place despite the amount of people with their phones out, taking picture after picture of the flowers instead of actually buying or learning about them.

“I’m telling you; some people spend so much money on carnations and boast about their blue colors, but they always have no idea that they’re actually dyed.” She had told him once as they strolled through the market, hand in hand.

Gemma knew she was making a risky move, but she took her chances. “What if you see her? What happens if you do?”

Harry’s heart dropped, his palms got sweaty and millions of scenarios raced in his head.

Gemma knew he had heard her, but she wanted an answer, whatever it could be. “Harry?”

“She hates me,” He began, rubbing his hairline in distress as he felt his eyes grow tearful, “I-I can’t see her and see the amount of hate she has for me. It’s already killing me, Gem, I can’t.”

“But she doesn’t,” Gemma said, hearing him sigh in annoyance, “No, you listen to me. You’re feeding yourself bullshit and you’re forcing yourself to believe it. Did she say that? Did she tell you that she hates you?”

“She fucking implied it!” Harry shouted, “She said she regrets falling in love with me, what does that sound like, for fuck’s sake?!”

“Sounds like disappointment to me, Harry!” Gemma exclaimed, growing frustrated with how thick her brother could be. And to be honest, she was getting tired of tiptoeing around the truth – one he needed to hear. “Sounds like she was hurt that the one person she trusted and loved for years decided to tell her one day that she couldn’t fit in his life and he couldn’t fit in hers! Sounds like she was hurt to me, Harry, especially because she didn’t expect you to break up with her, no one did!”

That was the last straw for him. Harry’s tears fell, plopping himself down on one of the kitchen chairs, burying his face in his hand as he cried.

Gemma’s heart broke at the sobs she heard through the phone, but she knew he needed it. “You have been scared to see her, to talk to her since the moment she walked out of that door, Harry, but till when? It’s not doing either of you any good.”

Harry sniffled, “D-Did y-you talk to her? Know anything about her?”

“Yeah,” she said sadly, “She’s not okay.”

Another wave of tears hit him, shaking his head at himself.

“I’m a fucking idiot.” He repeated to himself, over and over.

“I’ll pick you up in 10. I was already on my way before calling you.”

Harry gave her no response except for a sniffle.

“Harry?”

He hummed in question.

“I love you, alright? I’ll help you fix this.”

---

Harry wasn’t lying when he said the flower market was all about her.

Without her by his side, it seemed like all flowers lost their beautiful blooming colors, devoid of the saturation. It seemed like his mind loved playing tricks on him so much that it refused to make him smell anything but her scent, even when surrounded by dozens and dozens of petals.

A pair of sunglasses hid his puffy and red eyes, and he hadn’t bothered to change out of the sweat shorts and t-shirt, only put on a pair of socks and jogging shoes.

Gemma was beside him, walking quietly with a pair of her own sunglasses perched on her nose, her arm linked with his.

She dragged him to one vendor, checking the flowers and bouquets before pointing at pretty, blue carnations. “Look at these, they look beautiful, don’t they?” She asked her brother.

“They’re dyed.” Harry had instantly replied, Gemma more surprised by the fact that he talked than by the statement.

“Ah, you know a secret,” The vendor smiled at Harry, “You read a lot?”

“My girlfriend d-“ He paused at his slip, feeling Gemma give him an assuring squeeze on his bicep, “Someone once told me that.”

“Better hold on to them, not everyone is interested enough to learn about stuff like that nowadays.”

Harry felt bitter, like he wanted to tell the man to shut up and ask him if he knew anything about what happened, ask him if he was mocking him, but he knew that that was his mind playing another goddamn trick on him.

He was getting sick of the tricks and the amount of times his mind mocked his state, because when he turned his head away from the man and spotted her, he wanted nothing more than to have a one-on-one fight with his mind.

His jaw dropped, his green eyes widened from beneath his sunglasses, and he felt like he no longer was in an open-air place.

There she stood, in flared jeans, a half-sleeved shirt and eyes hidden beneath a pair of Seven Wonders sunglasses that Gemma had gifted her when she launched her brand. In her hands was one single yellow daffodil, holding it gently and with care, reminding Harry of the days and nights when she would hold him, exactly as a flower.

“Ha-“ Gemma stopped, following his gaze before her eyebrows shot up. She couldn’t say she was very surprised, because she knew how much Sundays at the flower market meant to her friend and brother’s ex.

Gemma also knew it was the first time since the breakup that Y/N visited the place and she couldn’t be any happier for her friend for kicking herself out of the bed and to the one place she enjoyed being at.

Y/N seemed oblivious to the Styles siblings’ fixed gaze on her, carrying herself with grace despite the ache in her heart and the memories that clouded her mind with that one special someone – someone who was standing nearby.

Time seemed to go slow, as if someone had added a slo-mo effect. She had turned, and she was going to miss him if it weren’t for her double taking.

The daffodil almost dropped from her hands, and her knees almost gave out on her.

As if she was pulling the leash on her heart, she turned away quickly before beginning to walk away in big steps, Harry’s heart aching.

“Go!” Gemma urged him, “Fucking go after you, you shit!” She pushed his back.

“I-“ Harry shook his head at his sister, not being able to tear his eyes away from Y/N’s figure as she walked among the crowd, leaning to the side as to not lose sight of her.

“You can, Harry!” She groaned, before tugging on his arm, making him look at her stern face, “It’s now or never, Harry. Your call.”

More often than not, Harry was thankful and grateful for his older sister; like when she took him sightseeing in London for the first time when he was 16 during the boot camp stage of The X-Factor, or when she would help him with his science and English coursework back when he was at school as a kid.

Like that moment, as he ran after his love.

It was easy to spot her. It was easy to run towards her.

Reaching her, Harry gently held her elbow, halting her movement before she turned, and fuck, 

what now?

He expected her to shout at him, tell him that she wanted nothing to do with him but she was quiet, looking up at him as she waited and Harry didn’t know whether he was thankful or despised the fact that he couldn’t see her eyes – was she glaring at him? Was she not?

He opened his mouth before closing it again, slowly removing his hand from her arm, unaware to her longing for his touch.

“Say anything, Harry, dammit.” She almost pleaded, pushing her weight to her right leg and – finally – putting her glasses on top of her head.

Harry definitely wished she kept them on.

Because the moment he saw her puffy eyes, clearly from crying, he wanted nothing but to cry out himself.

As if to assure her though, Harry mirrored her and placed his own on top of his head, letting her see how the eyes she adored so much, the color she decided was her favorite, was hidden beneath the puffiness and red.

“I don’t know what to say, fuck me,” he cringed at himself, reaching up to aggressively rub his eyes with his palms as to calm himself.

But then she gave him that look, that one look she gave him before walking out of the door a month ago – she was disappointed.

She shook her head at him, eyes judging him. “Forget it.” She was about to turn again when he, again, held her, but that time, Harry’s hand reached for hers.

“I’m sorry.” He blurted.

God, what exactly was he sorry for? What exactly was he apologizing for? Kissing her one moment then breaking up with her the other? Not calling her? Standing in front of her and being a coward?

But she had always been patient with him, and as much as her friends advised her against, she was still patient with him that moment.

“I can’t read your mind.” She said gently, stepping closer to him and looking him directly in the eyes, searching them. “Use your words.”

“I can’t do this without you,” Harry’s tone matched hers, staring down at her and stealing a glance at her lips before going back to her eyes, “I was- No, I am a dick. I’m an idiot. It’s taken me too long because I’m just an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry and,” he shook his head, “But I am. I fucking hate myself for letting you leave, for saying the bullshit I said, for- for disappointing you,” he gulped down the tears that threatened to fall,

“I can’t sleep without you. Can’t eat, can’t function like a normal fucking human without you and I am to blame.”

Y/N listened, eyes getting glossy before she took a breath in, gulping as she tore eye contact before looking back at him, “Would you have said all that if you hadn’t seen me here?”

Harry stared at her a moment.

“Would you have called me? Visited?” One single tear betrayed her and fell, “Because I waited for you, all damn month.”

Before he was even aware, Harry nodded, taking the risk to reach forward and cup her face in his hands, watching as she closed her eyes at the feeling. “I would have.”

“I can’t-” She let out a sob, looking up at him with an almost childish frown, “I can’t afford having my heart broken by you again, Harry, because it fucking sucked.”

His breath hitched in his throat but it didn’t stop him from pulling her into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her, hiding his face in her hair, his senses waking at the whiff of her shampoo.

“Never again.”

Daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings.

[sinshckled]

━━ ╴-   AGUST D,  D-2   [ 2020 ]                                     ⤷  LYRICAL STARTERS. 

collection of various sentence starters from AGUST D’s second mixtape. -  translations were taken from doolsetbangtan, w/ occasional help from genius ; -  minor edits were made as to accomodate roleplay needs ; -  feel free to change pronouns or wording as to best fit your muse !

cw:   angst, depression, mentions of violence, alcohol, lots and lots of SWEARING !

━━━━━━━

TRACK ONE. — 저 달 ( Moonlight )

❝ Fuck, I’m just doing it. ❞

❝ In my head, the reality fights with the ideal tirelessly. ❞

❝ My biggest enemy is the anger inside me. ❞

❝ Sometimes I resent god, asking why he made me live a life like this. ❞

❝ Sometimes I ask myself again, ‘if it was possible to go back, would you ?’ Well, I’ll have to think more about that. ❞

❝ One moment I feel like I’ve easily earned what I have, and the next moment I’m compensated for the fucking hard work I’ve done. ❞

❝ But I’m still hungry, would this be karma ? ❞

❝ That moonlight that shines on me at dawn, it’s still the same as then. A lot changed in my life, but that moonlight is still the same. ❞

❝ Sometimes I feel like I’m a genius. Sometimes I feel like I have no talent. ❞

❝ There would be no eternity for anything. ❞

❝ Being called immortal is fucking overwhelming. ❞

❝ But the adjectives they attach to my name feel too much sometimes. ❞

❝ What can I do, I should just keep running. ❞

❝ What can I do, I should just keep hold of things that I’m grasping. ❞

❝ What can I do, I should just pay back what I’ve received. ❞

❝ If you think you’re gonna crash, accelerate even harder, you idiot ! ❞

    TRACK TWO. — 대취타 ( Daechwita )

❝ Don’t forget the old days. ❞

❝ Born a slave, risen to a king. ❞

❝ Rags to riches, that’s exactly the way I live. ❞

❝ I’m sorry, but don’t worry about me ; I have lots to lose. ❞

❝ I'm about to dine on what I know is mine. ❞

❝ Not gonna lie, what a shitshow. ❞

❝ I’ve got no pretensions, just kill ’em all.  ❞

❝ No exceptions, I watch you fall. ❞

❝ Who’s the king ? Who’s the boss ? ❞

❝ Everyone knows my name. ❞

❝ All shit-talk, they’ve got no game. ❞

❝ Off with their heads, ah ! ❞

❝ This country's too small to hold me in yet. ❞

❝ Who said time is money ? My time is worth more than that. ❞

❝ I'm so thankful that I'm a genius.  ❞

❝ If that’s your reason for using drugs, cry me a river — you’ve just got no skills. ❞

❝ I got everything I wanted, I wonder what else I should have to feel satisfied. ❞

❝ Yeah, what's next ? ❞

❝ Here comes my reality check. ❞

❝ I only looked up ; now I want to look down and put my feet on the ground. ❞

❝ Remember my name. ❞   

━━━  MORE UNDER THE CUT !

   TRACK THREE. — 어떻게 생각해? ( What do you think? )

❝ What do you think ? ❞

❝ Whatever you think, I’m sorry but I don’t fucking care at all. ❞

❝ I’m sorry but I don’t care at all about how mediocre your life is, or about the fact that you can’t escape the shithole after failing. ❞

❝ Thinking that my success has anything to do with your failure… you’re fucking great at being delusional. ❞

❝ Your sense of humor is so so. ❞

❝ The fact that you're fucked is your fault, no-no? ❞

❝ We conquer it all, one by one, like we’ve been doing all this time. ❞

❝ All of you go fuck yourself, huh ! ❞

❝ The brats that boast about their money, you have to wonder how much they could've actually earnt on their own. ❞

❝ Bragging about money looks cute now. ❞

❝ We’ll go serve in the military when the time comes. ❞

❝ I hope all those bastards who tried to get a free ride by selling our names shut their mouths up. ❞

❝ At this point, I don’t have to know. ❞

❝ I don’t fucking care. ❞

❝ While this will be my last gift, this as well is luxury for you. ❞

    TRACK FOUR. — 이상하지 않은가 ( Strange ) ft. RM 

❝ Everything in dust, do you see ? ❞

❝ Well well well…❞

❝ Everything in lust. ❞

❝ Someone please tell me if life is pain. ❞

❝ If there’s a god, please tell me if life is happiness. ❞

❝ A big system that’s called the world ; They insert conflicts, wars, or survivals. ❞

❝ Capital injects morphine called hope with dream as collateral. ❞

❝ Wealth creates wealth and tests our greed. ❞

❝ In the world, it’s only the two, black and white, that exist. ❞

❝ In the endless zero-sum game, the end is entertaining to watch. ❞

❝ Polarization... the ugliest flower in the world. ❞

❝ It’s been a long while since truth got eaten away by lies. ❞

❝ Who would it be that benefits the most? Who would it be that gets harmed the most ? ❞

❝ The one who isn’t sick in the world that is sick gets treated as a mutant, isn’t it strange ? ❞

❝ The one who has his eyes open in the world that has its eyes closed — now they make him out to be blind, isn’t it strange ? ❞

❝ The one who wants peace, the one who wants a fight — each taking each end of the ideology, isn’t it strange ? ❞

❝ There’s no correct answer, isn’t it strange ? ❞

❝ You think you’ve got taste? Oh, baby, how do you know? ❞

❝ For god’s sake, everything's under control ! ❞

❝ However much money one has, everyone is a slave of this system. ❞

❝ At this point, even you wouldn’t know. ❞

❝ Oh baby, what’s your name? ❞

❝ But still, life goes on, somehow, just like this. ❞

❝ Everyone, in their own chicken coop, says they’re okay. ❞

❝ In the world where a dream has become an option… there’s no correct answer, that’s the answer. ❞

   TRACK FIVE. — 점점 어른이 되나봐 ( 28 ), ft. NiiHWA

❝ And yet, would it have been better to not know the world? ❞

❝ Perhaps I’m gradually becoming an adult. ❞

❝ I can’t remember what were the things that I hoped for. ❞

❝ Now I’m scared. ❞

❝ Where did the fragments of my dream go ? ❞

❝ Though I’m breathing, it feels like my heart has broken down. ❞

❝ Yeah, to talk about now, it’s about becoming an adult who finds it only overwhelming to grasp onto a dream. ❞

❝ I thought I’d change when I turned twenty ; I thought I’d change when I graduated. ❞

❝ Sometimes, tears suddenly pour down with no reason. ❞

❝ Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter anymore. ❞

❝ Living, for just one day, without any concerns... for just one day, without any worries. ❞

    TRACK SIX. — Burn it, ft. MAX

❝ I see the ashes falling out your window. ❞

❝ There’s someone in the mirror that you don’t know. ❞

❝ And everything was all wrong ; so burn it till it’s all gone. ❞

❝ Let’s go back to the past days, to the times that destroyed me. ❞

❝ After having a taste of success, how am I different from the me of back then ? ❞

❝ Let the old me burn. ❞

❝ I wonder what would remain in the end ? ❞

❝ The weakness, hatred, loathing, and even rage — Them, too, are rather futile. ❞

❝ Be careful of the word ‘beginner’s mindset’, don’t be afraid. ❞

❝ Whether it would become a blazing sun or the ashes left behind after being burnt — always, the choice and decision is yours to make. ❞

❝ I hope you don’t forget that giving up decisively also counts as courage. ❞

    TRACK SEVEN. — 사람 (People)

❝ What kind of person am I ? ❞

❝ Am I a good person ? Or a bad person ? ❞

❝ I’m just a person, too. ❞

❝ Everyone would fade away and be forgotten. ❞

❝ People change — like I have. ❞

❝ There’s nothing that lasts forever. ❞

❝ Everything is just a happening passing through.❞

❝ Mm… why so serious ? ❞

❝ If you get hurt, what about it ? ❞

❝ Flow along the way the water flows ; maybe there’s something at the end. ❞

❝ A special life, an ordinary life, each of them on their own. ❞

❝ It’s all good, it’s all good. ❞

❝ Things don’t always go as intended ; Discomfort is something everyone has to withstand. ❞

❝ The repetition of dramatic situations sometimes makes life tiring. ❞

❝ People are like that. ❞

❝ When it’s not there, you wish it was ; when it’s there, you wish it wasn’t. ❞

❝ Who said that humans are the animals of wisdom ? To my eyes, it’s obvious that they are animals of regret. ❞

    TRACK EIGHT. — 혼술 ( Honsool )

❝ It’s time that I fully face myself. ❞

❝ After finishing a shower, I detoxify myself with alcohol. ❞

❝ Perhaps it’s the alcohol that puts a period at the end of the day that is blurry in my memory. ❞

❝ I’ll just worry about tomorrow’s work tomorrow, fuck I don’t care. ❞

❝ I don’t really reach for snacks because I feel like I’d throw up if I did. ❞

❝ Since it’s getting to my head, let’s be honest about my life. ❞

❝ Oh yeah, money, fame, wealth, trophies and stadiums — sometimes I’d get scared of them. ❞

❝ I thought I’d party every day when I become a superstar, but the ideal is slapping the reality in the back of its head. ❞

❝ Well, it doesn’t matter anyway ; Tomorrow will come and go again. ❞

❝ I, who’s like this, and you, who’s like that… we just endure through the day, I guess. ❞

    TRACK NINE. — Interlude : Set me free

❝ Set me free, knowing that it won’t go the way I want. ❞

❝ Set me free, knowing that it’s not what I want. ❞

❝ Set me free, I’m floating freely in the void. ❞

❝ Set me free, these days, I feel melancholy for no obvious reason. ❞

❝ One day, I crawl on the floor ; On another day, I fly high in the sky. ❞

    TRACK TEN. — 어땠을까 ( Dear my friend ), ft. JW of NELL

❝ Still, as ever, I miss you, and I miss you. ❞

❝ Still, as ever, the memories of us together circle around me. ❞

❝ Maybe, if I had held you back then… no, if I had stopped you back then… ❞

❝ Would we have remained friends ? What would have it been like ? ❞

❝ Dear my friend, how are you doing ? ❞

❝ I, well, am doing well, as you probably know, yeah. ❞

❝ Dear my friend, I’ll be honest. I still fucking hate you. ❞

❝ I still remember the old days, when we were together. ❞

❝ “With the two of us, even the world is nothing to be afraid of” ; We used to say that, and now we walk on completely different paths, damn. ❞

❝ We, who had big dreams, were young, we were only twenty. ❞

❝ Would it be that you’ve changed, or was it me ? ❞

❝ I hate this flowing time, I guess it’s us who’ ve changed. ❞

❝ Hey, I hate you. Hey, I don't like you — Hey, even as I say these words, I miss you. ❞

❝ When I saw you for the first time in a while, you had become a completely different person. ❞

❝ There was no way to bring you back, and you became a monster.❞

❝ The you I used to know is gone, and the me you used to know is gone. ❞

❝ I know that it’s not just because of time that we’ve changed. ❞