#and fundamentally not be able to understand what its like to love a sibling

[pups-2-dust]

Mommy issues this daddy issues that when are we gonna talk about sibling issues???

[hiiragi7]

Purple and Yellow-Colored Transness - An Intersex Trans View of Transition

It is strongly my opinion that an intersex lens is fundamentally necessary to understand transness, as much as race, disability, class, & culture is.

Yet, much of the time, when intersex is applied to transness it is used as a fetishization - and use without consent of the used is abuse. (Audre Lorde, Uses of the Erotic)

Our perisex trans siblings so often use us as a tool for pornography, as an object to shove insecurities and pain and desire onto, as a temporary escape from dysphoria and thought, as an imagined excuse to supposedly avoid oppression. Afterwards, we are discarded, much like an object that has fulfilled its purpose.

Intersex people do not exist for the purpose of abuse, incestual or otherwise. Intersex is power, intersex is love, intersex is experience.

As a group so deeply harmed and betrayed by our perisex trans siblings, it is no wonder why so many of us reject any lens which suggests there is intersexuality to be found in transness - I doubt that many of us have ever seen what it may look like outside of as an abuse of our bodies, our identities.

And yet, I cannot help but feel that there is an inherent intersexness to be found in transness. Rather than rejecting this, erasing this, I feel it is absolutely necessary to embrace without conflating or fetishizing this. This is not to say, however, that we are one in the same; in fact, within our differences is where I find a lot of our power lies. It is our ability to share experiences without using one another which is vital.

I struggle with this feeling, knowing so much more work must be done, knowing it cannot be fully expressed yet.

When my trans sibling is excited over newly developing traits we now both share, I would love to partake in that joy not only as trans joy but a joy of intersex traits as well. When sex characteristics I have been shamed for my entire life for having naturally becomes something which another person not only seeks out but actively falls in love with as it happens, is this truly only trans love? Is it not also an intersex love?

And yet, at the same time, I find myself choosing my words carefully; I fear they will be stolen from me, used as a weapon against myself and my community. We are still made so fetishized, so invisible, so abused, even amongst siblings. Because of this, I fear the answer to my question is that we are not yet at a point where trans love is an intersex love, but rather what I am seeing is a trans love of traits detached from any intersexuality at all. Even in cases where our bodies may look so similar, you don't see all of me - You only know me as trans, never intersex. You only know my variant sex characteristics as something possible through transition or pornography, and have erased any mention of me in them.

I see my trans self reflected in my intersex self, and my intersex self reflected in my trans self. My body no longer produces its own hormones; I get mine from a clinic that provides gender affirming care for trans people, the same place where just two days ago I had to spend time educating a nurse who learned the word intersex for the first time that day because of me. The surgeries which I both have gotten and will get in the future are both as trans as they are intersex. The letters from my doctors to appease insurance say I am transitioning and that this is a requirement for treatment of gender dysphoria, some of my medical papers say I am intersex and seeking a urethral reconstruction. Both of these hold truth to them.

There are intersex people and trans people who share scars in the exact same places, from procedures which were similar, but were done for different reasons. One grieves where the other celebrates. One tells a story of their identity being stolen from them, one tells a story of finally being able to be themselves. In some cases, both of these are the same people at different points in time in their life.

[cuubism]

Hey, okay so I'm still very much ruined by your Dream with wings au and I love the overall theme with coming to terms with the loss of them and accepting it and being able to move on, but my brain is by angst like this immediately in the mode of I have to fix this, have to give him back what he lost in some way. 

And yeah, here is what I thought could happen.

So the universe ends, Death closes up. But with every end comes a new beginning and so on. So new universe, all Endless are still there + Hob. But because there aren't any humans yet or maybe there never will be, Hob becomes something else, Hope for example, and grows wings because Hope probably has some. Hob is very much conflicted over that because of obvious reasons but then the first beings of this new universe begin to dream and something changes in Dream. He adapts to the new universe and the new dreamers and one day his back is in absolute agony, his wings have started to grow back because the dreamers of this universe need him to have them. And of course he is rather conflicted about this because he did accept his loss and learned to live without them but also he is so elated to have them back. And Hob is there with him every step of the way and it makes it a lot easier and the first time they fly together is magnificent. And maybe Dreams wings are not completely the same as his old ones as he is not the same he was then but he can fly again and cradle his dreamers close not only in his arms but in the safety of his wings as well. 

And well this kinda got a bit sappy but hope you like it. Of course feel free to ignore this ramble if it doesn't fit with your idea of your fic it's just how my brain works. Loved your fic by the way if it wasn't obvious.

Oh this is sweet! Yeah I understand the impulse to want to make it better for him somehow. Dream could definitely regain his wings in a new universe with new dreamers.

I love that it's just Hob at the end. Just Hob and the fundamental concepts of the universe chillin in the void. NOTHING can stop Hob.

On that note--

--

The first thing Dream knows of the new universe is grief.

He had not expected to know anything. Everything had gone when the universe he'd known had finally succumbed to its ultimate entropy, and if, when, a new one came to be, he had expected to reformed utterly. New dreamers. A new Dream.

The thought of not knowing had given him peace. One could not miss anything when one did not even know one had had it. And Dream, at the end, had had much to miss.

Strange, that. Terrible, that.

Why, then, is he sitting on the shores of creation, wet sand sticking to his clothes, the Dreaming stretching out around him? It's empty, flattened, nothing but black sand and dark sea infinitely in every direction--but it's still the Dreaming he knows. Why? And why is he sitting here?

In the next moment, why ceases to matter. He is sitting here, in the reformed, empty Dreaming of this empty universe. And Hob is not.

He curls his knees up to his chest, presses his forehead into them, wraps his arms around his head. He doesn't want this sun, this sand, this Dreaming. He doesn't want this universe that doesn't have Hob Gadling in it.

He blocks it all from his vision and sobs, there on the beach where he'd once spent so much time creating. There is no one to hear. None of his creations remain. There are hardly any dreamers. He digs his fingers into his hair, wishing he could simply rip himself right out of this universe. Some other Dream can tend it. He's had enough.

A light hand lands on his shoulder.

"Go away," Dream growls. It can only be one of his siblings, new-but-not, and he does not want to see them. Cannot, yet. "Tend your own misery."

"What misery?" says a familiar voice. Dream goes still. Someone sits down beside him. "Don't you want to explore a whole new universe?"

Dream throws his arms around him. Hob catches him, laughing, even as Dream presses his face into his neck, still sobbing. "I care not for this wretched universe."

"What kind of attitude is that to start out with?"

"Hob."

"Shh, it's alright." He pets Dream's hair as Dream persists in trying to crawl into him until they're irreparably tangled together.

"How?"

Hob kisses the top of his head. "You've really got to learn the power of just saying no to stuff."

Dream lets out a hysterical laugh against his neck. He just may have lost his sanity when the universe was scrambled. But he'll take this insane universe that has Hob in it over a sane one that does not. "Just saying no?"

"I didn't want to leave you, so I didn't. Simple," says Hob, and Dream wraps his arms around him tighter.

"Destiny will need to invent a new form of logic to accommodate you, Hob Gadling," he says, and Hob chuckles.

Finally, Dream lifts his head to look at him. Hob looks much the same as Dream last saw him, but a new power thrums around him, an aura that's obvious to Dream now that he is looking. "What... are you?"

Hob tugs on his ear in thought, and Dream smiles inwardly to see that that affectation still persists. "I think I, uh. Don't get mad."

"There is nothing that could possibly anger me now other than losing you again."

"Well. I think I... stole part of your power? Not on purpose, really. It's like you said. When you tell Destiny no, things get... weird."

Dream lays a hand on his cheek. Yes, he can feel it, the hum of his own essence, swiftly merging with Hob's. "You've stolen nothing. But part of my domain is within you, now. Under your care."

"What part's that?"

Dream finally manages a tiny smile, even through lingering tears, at the thought. "I believe it is hope."

Hob studies him, eyes wide, then huffs an incredulous laugh. "Sounds a bit messed up, doesn't it? Me taking hope from you?"

Dream leans his forehead against Hob's. "You give me hope. Every day. By being here. And as I said. You have taken nothing. The power is still a part of me. Hope and dreams are inextricable intertwined. But it is in your care, now."

"Right," breathes Hob in wonder, cradling the back of Dream's head. "That's. Wow."

"'Wow,'" Dream echoes, and Hob laughs, cuffing him lightly about the ear in admonishment for the mocking tone.

Dream's hand is still on Hob's cheek, and he reaches for the power that's in Hob now, touches it, lets it flow through him. It reaches for him in turn, lights up his own power that feels so new and fresh and alive, in this newborn universe. He closes his eyes at the warmth, cries finally quieting in his chest.

Hob sucks in a breath. "Dream..."

Dream comes back to himself with a start. "What? What is wrong?"

Hob is looking over his shoulder. "Nothing." He reaches over Dream's shoulder. Brushes his fingertips along the-- along the wing that is now arched there, folded carefully over his back.

He had not even noticed them appearing. They are not physical wings, to whatever extent Dream has ever been physical. They are pure energy, shimmering translucent in the sun when he folds one around himself to touch it. The ghostly feathers spark with power at his touch, and brighter still when Hob lays his hand over Dream's.

"You're beautiful," says Hob, as Dream keeps touching the feathers in wonder. Hob swipes his thumb under his eye, and it's only then that Dream realizes he's crying again. Silent, glittering tears.

"I do not... understand."

"New universe," Hob says. "New dreamers?"

Dream leans his head on Hob's shoulder. "New dreamer. Have you been imagining me with wings all this time?"

"Couldn't help it," says Hob. He strokes a hand along the phantom bone of the wing, and Dream shivers. "Knew you'd be glorious." He strokes the wing again, in awe. "You're beautiful."

Dream tucks his forehead further into Hob's throat, overcome. "What will I do with you, Hob Gadling?"

Hob pets his hair. "Well, right about now I could really do with a hot bath, I'm absolutely covered in sand. Don't suppose you can make that happen, Dream Lord?"

Dream laughs, wet and aching. "If you had not noticed, we are in the middle of an empty desert."

"So? Blank canvas."

"I suppose... I could create something for you." He thinks about it more, the pain of the empty, desolate Dreaming ceding to a different feeling. Hope. "I suppose... I could create anything."

Hob kisses the top of his head. "Exactly."

[gece-misin-nesin]

A comment on reddit:

I think this is the main thing with MHA - the villains are just bad people, and the audience can tell. All of the villains have at least one unshakeable anti-social impulse that they absolutely cannot get over. They can explain how deeply hurt they feel by not being able to act on that impulse, but ultimately they just want to hurt other people in one way or another. They are childish, whiny, and entitled, and none of them has the slightest desire to participate in society whatsoever, no matter the infinite well of understanding and patience the heroes draw from*. So Endeavor, who is not a villain but rather just a douchebag, is able to atone and begin repairing the damage he did. But Dabi, who is a villain, can't do that. It's fundamentally beyond him - he has a selfish, childish mindset forever. Douchebags change, but villains are forever. As readers, we find this frustrating. After everything the todorokis go through, nothing really changes within Dabi's mind or heart. The siblings can beat themselves up about it and feel guilty, which is realistic - if only we had enough love and patience, we could have saved him! But as readers, it feels like bullshit. We know what the villains are like, and we know that they were all hopeless from the start. Not a one of them ever had a shot at being happy or associating with others in a healthy way, because there's a fundamental distinction between the basic, in-born personality of heroes vs villains that is just as immutable as the gap between the empowered and the quirkless. So when it comes to still feeling guilty over little Toya, it's like...I don't know, get over it? He was cooked from the start. You should have recognized he was born a villain.

I think I need to take a chill pill oh my fucking god. How can you read this manga and come to the conclusion that *checks notes* the villains were always destined to be evil, fundamentally different from the 'normal and basic', and 'born a villain'???

Even the manga itself, with its shitty epilogue and shitty messaging, acknowledges that the villains COULD have led normal lives if things had been different.

Like this is such an insane conclusion to come to?? I have no fucking idea how you can read bnha and write THIS shit???

This is EXACTLY why people say that media literacy is dead 😭

[rxttenfish]

Now that you've answered the difficult one here's an interesting one: What about Miranda and Polly?

Shipping meme.

EXCELLENT, SOMETHING I CAN PROVIDE OPINIONS ON

this is! certainly a ship that i like a lot, but my relationship to it is a lot more fraught than some of my other miranda ships, for sure. it's one that i go back and forth on again and again, way less sure on how stable they'd be or how much this would work out in the long term.

in terms of positives - miranda and polly already get along very well! i always view the ROs as exceptionally close friends, and i think the friendship between miri and polly is much the same. polly chases experiences and good times, explores and pokes her fingers into anything she can reach just to say that she's done it, and miranda's a person who's also fundamentally curious, desperate to see and experience so many things that she's never been able to before and which come from an entirely different world to her, and so polly bringing miranda along feels natural. miranda's definitely more hesitant and less overt about experiencing things, often needing convincing or reassuring, but she wants her friends' approval and polly likes helping other people step outside of their comfort zones, especially when they just need a little encouragement.

polly loves leading other people to fun new experiences as much as she enjoys experiencing them herself, and she gets the feeling of being cool, mature, more experienced in a way with miri that fits very well with how polly is also an older sister, someone who just as much wants to be the cool older sibling that everyone can brag about. miranda, getting that positive reinforcement from polly and feeling like she's with someone she can safely experiment around and with, likewise makes her more confident in exploring new things and having new experiences, less hesitant and defensive when something new is presented to her.

the issue is that polly isn't always a good influence. polly has issues taking things seriously and this can mean she overlooks how uncomfortable miranda could be at any given moment and how much of her protests might be sincere, especially if something presents a unique danger to miranda that polly's less familiar with. polly's less confrontational, so she's less likely to call miranda out on something, at most providing smaller comments or leaving, neither or which would help miranda's reactiveness. i don't think anything polly has going on would prepare her to deal with the merkingdom and the crown, which would serve as a total blindside for her and, at worst, make her lash out at miranda in a lack of understanding for why miranda can't just not listen to the merkingdom. miranda's a character who very much needs commitment in the long term, and dedicated commitment at that, which is something that polly would have issues with and would want to shirk away from that much responsibility.

miranda, in comparison, would want to put polly up on a pedestal and imagine her as the coolest, the most fun, the best at navigating the land with all of its confusing social norms and culture and environment, and this means she would wholly miss whatever faults polly would have and be far too forgiving when it comes to polly's mistakes. at worst, miranda could very much end up believing that she deserves any hurt that polly accidentally causes, and this is an issue that doesn't have a good solution, since polly would want to avoid that confrontation and miranda would not even mention it at all, just assuming guilt and acting accordingly. neither of these characters are very good at talking about their feelings, and there's not really a catalyst to make them talk about their feelings to each other and to force them to open up.

ultimately, i see it as a fling, closer to something like friends with benefits. i often say that i see a lot of the ROs just passively dating each other at different times without making a big deal out of it, and this is one of those times. i could easily see them hooking up from time to time solely to enjoy themselves with each other, and then breaking it off with no hard feelings and going back to normal. not something long term, not something serious, just a good time dating friends.

[larnax]

love when hornet is just like. hey im sorry i called you a little shrimp bitchbaby i didnt realize you were just short...

SURPRISE! YOU'VE BEEN TRICKED INTO READING HK META

so an important thing to understand about hollow knight is that one of its themes is stagnation, things being frozen in eternal stasis unable to ever improve doomed to atrophy without ever being allowed to die. the Infection eternally reanimates corpses, never letting their souls rest as their bodies are repeatedly destroyed and returned again. the pale king's plan to "save" hallownest, rather than getting rid of the infection, instead freezes the kingdom to be always in the same state of ruin. hallownest stands eternal, its inhabitants' aging forever stalled, while the outside world it's isolated from moves on and it becomes distant past for them. this is made obvious by lemm, who cannot even comprehend that what he views as ancient historical figures actually live in the same kingdom as him.

this is actually why ghost killing the dreamers makes the kingdom more infected, and yet they do not stop. ghost is the equivalent of a high fever-- they break the eternal stalemate. fevers are painful and dangerous, but as a last resort they can fight off an infection nothing else in your body can handle. hallownest is burnt to the ground by ghost, but not killed entirely. its inhabitants survive, finally freed from the curse of the eternal infection and allowed to Move On.

the pale king's fundamental mistake was trying to return to hallownest Before, and then trying to freeze it "before it gets worse". the only way out of a bad situation is OUT. there's no going back, only through and then beyond. this is also the radiance's mistake, trying to bring back the kingdom that worships her.

the vessels' biology also reflects this. they're made to be eternally revivable, constructed beings that do not age or change. the only vessel whose biology changes at all is thk, who is strongly implied to have been artificially enlarged by the pale king experimenting with void to make the "perfect vessel". the only growth tpk can stand is artificial and tightly controlled.

so how does this relate to ghost? well, initially, hornet assumes that ghost is just another fixture in the endless stagnating cycle of her killing new vessels to prevent them from perpetuating hallownest's ruin.... but they're not, at least not necessarily. ghost has been outside of hallownest. ghost is not part of the cycle. they've lived what could be countless lifetimes in the World That Has Moved On. they come back to hallownest to free it from its stasis. despite their vessel status, their lack of physical growth, they have grown in the ways they can.

also, their role as The One Who Got To Move On is a major part of what makes their familial relationships interesting. the eldest child who escaped the family is pretty common in abusive families. this comes with a lot of guilt-- why was i allowed to get away? why didn't, why couldn't i take my siblings with me? shouldn't i have saved them? don't i know how they're suffering without me there to protect them? the fantasy of being able to go back and Rescue the siblings you "abandoned" is a powerful one. ghost comes back to hallownest explicitly For the hollow knight. for what and who they left behind. i saw an interesting analysis of the hungry knight dialogue where it's clear the character who would become ghost has a very strong sense of duty and responsibility. they can't just leave things alone like this.

in some ways ghost is most strongly a mirror of the pale king. tpk preserves, ghost progresses. tpk isolates, ghost brings people together. tpk is a coward who forces his subjects to pay his prices, ghost only places burdens on themself. tpk is obsessed with and a symbol of the past, ghost is the present and future. tpk is short and looks stupid, ghost is short and looks bad ass. despite receiving the king's brand and learning the entirety of tpk's plan, ghost is not their father. they learn from his mistakes.

[dumb-cdc]

the Standpoint of being "Chosen"

It is a journey into distortion to understand the positionality of Evangelicals and Zionists, and their ideological siblings in MAGA under Trump and Hindutva under Modi.

This is a positionality not often discussed in Standpoint Theory™️, which posits that all knowledge of the self and the world is informed by social position.

Black feminists like Patricia Hill Collins describe Standpoint™️ as the place where one finds themselves within a 'matrix of oppression'—an individual's standpoint is located at a unique nexus of the intersecting systems of race, gender, and class. When this standpoint is located outside of hegemony, you have a clearer vantage point of the cogs in the greater machine and the contours of these intersecting oppressive systems. From these standpoints, we can better see the violent churn of bureaucracy down to the interpersonal mechanisms of violence.

What happens, then, when the 'matrix of oppression' is replaced with a 'matrix of exceptionalism'? A matrix where entities believe that they sit at the centermost nexus of race, gender, and class systems, a standpoint nestled within hegemony rather than one thrown to a distal area from it. A matrix where the resulting standpoint is one of being "chosen."

Not just exceptional by ordinary standards, but "chosen": singularly "chosen" by God and Nation. Now that is a data validation conundrum.

How does this standpoint of being "chosen" understand equality, equity, or justice? Human rights or humanness itself?

When trying to understand this, I think to a scene from the miniseries Midnight Mass. The series follows a congregation "chosen" by an angel (sorta vampire?) that is now tasked to decide which church members should survive to see the New World Order. A show 100% about epidemiological investigation (ie new incidence of vampires), featuring communicable and zoonotic diseases.

The scene is Annie (neighborhood mom) speaking to Bev ("chosen" church leader, vampire) after much of the town has been sacrificed for the New World Order. Annie to Bev: God doesn't love you more than anyone else. You aren't a hero. And you certainly, certainly aren't a victim. Bev: I wouldn't lecture Annie Flynn. [...] (Gives a bitchy read of Annie's parenting skills because her sacrificed* son killed a child during a DUI.) Annie: And God loves him. Just as much as He loves you, Bev. Why does that upset you so much? Just the idea that God loves everyone just as much as you. (Get her Jade!)

In the 'matrix of exceptionalism,' how does one conceptualize love from God and Nation? God and Nation can certainly love beings that aren't equal to the "chosen." God and Nation can certainly love them less. The love itself does not have to be equal.

Meanwhile, in the 'matrix of oppression':

*see above

All this to say: those of us scattered across the 'matrix of oppression' can look at hegemony and have an outside vantage point of the Master's House™️ per se (coined by Audre Lorde).

I believe that those inside the Master's House are scattered across the 'matrix of exceptionalism.' Nestled within hegemony, they have a proximity to something else.

And perhaps through a keyhole, a crack in the door, a few inches between the window pane and sill, we on the outside see what it is:

The Cuckoo Clock in Hell™️

This is how Kurt Vonnegut describes the innermost mind of the far-right in his 1961 book Mother Night. This mind is a machine so fundamentally broken, random, and pointless, that it functions only enough to simply keep its shoddy machinery operating and whirling.

Ostensibly able to 'make the trains run on time,' but always in a super fucked up way.*

*see above

In Vonnegut's words:

I have never seen a more sublime demonstration of the totalitarian mind, a mind which might be linked unto a system of gears where teeth have been filed off at random. Such snaggle-toothed thought machine, driven by a standard or even by a substandard libido, whirls with the jerky, noisy, gaudy pointlessness of a cuckoo clock in Hell. [...] [The far-right] wasn't completely crazy. The dismaying thing about classic totalitarian mind is that any given gear, thought mutilated, will have at its circumference unbroken sequences of teeth that are immaculately maintained, that are exquisitely machined. Hence the cuckoo clock in Hell - keeping perfect time for eight minutes and twenty-three seconds, jumping ahead fourteen minutes, keeping perfect time for six seconds, jumping ahead two seconds, keeping perfect time for two hours and one second, then jumping ahead a year. The missing teeth, of course, are simple, obvious truths, truths available and comprehensible even to ten-year-olds, in most cases. The willful filing off of gear teeth, the willful doing without certain obvious pieces of information - [...] That was how my father-in-law could contain in one mind an indifference toward slave women and love for a blue vase - That was how Rudolf Hess, Commandant of Auschwitz, could alternate over the loudspeakers of Auschwitz great music and calls for corpse-carriers - That was how Nazi Germany could sense no important difference between civilization and hydrophobia - That is the closest I can come to explaining the legions, the nations of lunatics I've seen in my time.”

^^ a cuckoo clock, not pictured in hell

In respect to Black Lives Matter, Trans Rights, and Palestine, those of us glimpsing inside the Master's House through a keyhole or opening have seen the faces of friends, family, and community members in there.

More often than not, I see white queers speaking Zionist rhetoric while staring directly into the Cuckoo Clock in Hell™️ --

They agree with it. On the same day pro-Palestine protestors shut down the Brooklyn Bridge, Manhattan Bridge, Williamsburg Bridge, and Holland Tunnel using ACT UP's 1995 "bridges and tunnels" protest techniques. On the same day over 400 persons were arrested for this act of defiance. On the same day ACT UP NY announced fully-funding bus tickets for the ACT UP block going to the January 13th March on Washington.

I see white queers agree with the Cuckoo Clock in Hell™️ and listen to its dissonant whirling. To them, I want to ask: Why do you feel so safe inside the Master's House? You will eventually be evicted, displaced, and discarded. Do you actually believe you are "chosen," a credit to your kind?

When I think of Palestine as a Standpoint™️, I think of what the Castro district of San Francisco, CA has come to mean for queers across the nation (and even globally).

^^ photos taken by me, 2023

When you're in the Castro, you know you're in Castro-- Rainbow crosswalks, rainbow banners on lampposts, a historic 'rainbow walk' with plaques dedicated to famous LGBTQ+ figures, and a giant rainbow flag (20ft x 30ft) flying over Harvey Milk Plaza.

The SF AIDS Foundation has a beautiful multi-story wellness center serving the community. The historic Twink Peaks Tavern sits atop Castro St.; its large panoramic windows were uncovered in 1973, making it the first gay bar to stop hiding its patrons from the public.

The graffiti says 'Protect Trans Kids' and 'Dykes Hate Techies.' There is an ease around queer public displays of affection and sexuality. The Castro 'Welcome Center' plays Kim Petras' album Slut Pop over the sound system.

The historic Castro theatre visually distinguishes the neighborhood's main drag from anywhere else.

Harvey Milk's old photo shop is now an art space called Queer AF.

Dildos are in a fair amount of store windows. And you will probably pass a nudist on your morning coffee run.

^^ photos taken by me, 2023

The Castro's response to Palestine was immediate and visible.

After Israel's retaliation to Hamas' October 7th attack had begun, Palestinian flags went up in storefronts. Sandwich boards said 'Free Gaza' and 'Let Gaza Live.' Messages of solidarity were written on printer paper and taped to windows. Residents hung Palestinian flags out of their apartment windows. We marched to the Civic Center.

^^ photo taken by me, 2023

And so, when I see white queers parroting the Cuckoo Clock in Hell™️, I want to ask: What would it mean for the queers of Castro to become forcibly displaced?

Would it be a stretch of the imagination for windows to be broken, residents to be threatened, stores to be trashed, or pedestrians to be beaten? Would it be a stretch of the imagination for the few franchises among the queer-owned local businesses to pull out of the neighborhood with enough political pressure?

What if you heard that queer residents on the outer blocks of Castro had their homes bricked. They left in fear. The city quickly seized the property. Squatters and developers moved in. The violence may move inwards towards the heart of the neighborhood.

Now more people want these dykes, fags, trannies, groomers, pedophiles, and perverts out of here.

And they found a system for doing so.

^^ graphic design is their passion

So let's just stop here. This is the most benign level of forced displacement. This will not create refugees or a humanitarian crisis. This isn't even on par with raiding gay bars like in the good ol' days.

This isn't police beating up queers in the street or arresting them for now being 'unwanted traffic' in public space. This isn't vigilantes telling "the queers" to get out of their homes and businesses at gunpoint. This isn't throwing all of your belongings out of the window and into the street.

This isn't making flying the LGBT flag illegal.

This isn't tearing down the sign for Harvey Milk Plaza.

This isn't defacing the Castro Theatre.

This isn't even a loss of life.

This isn't even war.

I want to posit this to all the white queers fixated on the Cuckoo Clock in Hell™️. I want to ask why they feel safe from state violence that, given the current anti-LGBTQ+ landscape, is only one move of the needle away.

When you are no longer "chosen," how will you return to and face your community again? And better yet: can you? We protect us, after all.

This article is dedicated to you.

[kevin-keller-artistic-director]

Honestly like this some ride or die shit honestly like post time jump four core is funny because like depsite all the changes in there relationships they have set like this fucking ride or die presedient meaning that v and Betty asking to jug to like go in peoples heads is just totally chill and like if jughead wanted to he could ask betty and veronica for something and so obviously archie as devoted as rest of four core

but my point is jughead problem is that he has such deep attachment issues and such little self worth that he never quite understands the family and people who would give him the support if he asked for it and he never quite understands that betty is soembody who is a sibling figure and even when she isn't able to help him doesnt mean she doesn't care

I think also that archie has to reconfigure his relationship to betty and veronica and i think in his head he has to checkmark domesticity with both girls.

And as he does this jug with tabitha and his healthy non childhood relationship gains the ability to return the devotion that was given him to as a teenager by Veronica and betty and i think whats interesting that when he finally gets put in danger and also sees thw absurdity of archie comphet relationship with veronica in obviously post time jump hes able to better help veronica when she asks for his aid and hes able to give veronica what she wanted when they were young sympathy and understanding of darkness he doesn't judge v for putting a hit on her dad (as within the context of her moralilty) unlike reggie who gets mad at her( veggie is parrell gay sibling dynamic to bughead btw so I'm not shaming reggie)

To jughead veronica is this raven haired princess whom he balances the universe with and she the person who most fundamentally understands his ugliness through similar childhood she's the girl he always wanted to be and now when she asks for his help he return it with affection and devotion

I think also here jug and betty are interesting i think tabby understands that they are crucial to the other and through black girl trope obligations manages to let them both grow by supporting them so when they come back together it much more peaceful meeting

I think jughead has to start thinking of betty as person outside of him but he also like her in his adult years puts his trauma in worped ya adult novel and betty spends her life training to track serial killers and when they kind of join together again they are still investigating but they are individuals who grow and get back there homosexual love interests from childhood and as they gain that part of them back its alot easier for them to see each other as people

Archie interesting becuase he kind of takes everything heterosexual hes ever felt and just pours it all out when he comes back to riverdale and in his act of protecting v from chad he puts himself in that hetero headspace because she is like the raven haired princess as jughead says but ultimately arch has to learn that veronica is her own tough person and that he cant deny that but that trying a traditional het dynamic with bunch of men in house both places her in a one of the boys and puts him in a neglectful boyfriend role will not fly with her and she refuses to play the role in the end

Ultimately the final straw is betty and archie and i think shes his tether to heterosexuality shes one the thing but she has trouble giving it to him for one he doing this as he and jug get back to regularly scheduled gay dynamic and veronica and betty have returned to there as jug says destiny his proposal is silly and betty who has left her childhood dreams denies him hes the final pecie of the puzzle left to heal

And then 1950s hell comes because like meta commentary

[ghostly-shenanigans-in-progress]

BNHA X DP Crossover HCs

After the long wait and finals, here are my ideas for all the quirks/occupations and other concepts I devised for the DP characters in the BNHA universe. This was just for fun and for inspiration towards others interested in this crossover au in general. 

Tagging the people that were looking forward to this post based on the replies: @qoinq-qhost, @floralflowerpower, @tgfangirl4eva @goodfish-bowl, @whitehairglowinggreeneyedcrush and more. 

Anyways, happy reading, folks!

Mr. Lancer

Hero name: Mr. Scholastic

Quirk: Bookworm

Involves his iconic usage of literature titles & quotes for swears to become abilities corresponding to the novel’s contents/themes. Course, he is limited to only books he has read and can quote accurately. Additionally, his voice gets very raspy past two or three quotes as well.

Occupation: Homeroom Teacher for Class 1- A; He’s very dedicated to his new students and teaching the fundamentals of being a pro hero and more! Course, I don’t think his chamomile tea with a wedge of lemon is enough to help him relax from his students (*cough* Danny, Tucker and Poindexter) from their antics at times. 

Danny

Hero name: Phantom 

Quirk: Ghost core (Ok, @coffeecakecafe had the best name for this one gotta give credit here)

Able to do anything a ghost is perceived to do. Go through walls, disappear and fly. This is a one of a kind quirk as it was obtained from Danny’s old quirk being altered by a machine his parents made that would repurpose/alter an individual’s quirk based on their past family members' own metahuman genetics.

Danny is doing his best and trying to understand his new quirk without causing too much attention to himself while doing so but it seems like its been doing the opposite as of late. Thankfully, he won’t be doing it alone with all his classmates around to help him!

Sam

Hero Name: Black Dahlia 

Quirk: Overgrown 

Able to create any plant that she knows the biological makeup and content of in almost any environment. However, it is important for her to drink lots of nutrient rich water and take in enough sun if she plans to create larger versions of these plants.

Tucker

Hero name: Tech Master

Quirk: Tech Core

Located on his chest/heart area is a special energy core capable of powering electronics at a rate faster than anything made-man could ever hope to achieve. As a kid, Tucker would tinker away in his family’s garage on a suit that would harness his power to the fullest extent and lead a new era of support tech in the hero world.

Valerie

Hero name: Red Huntress

Quirk: Electromagnetism (Someone I’ve been trying to find their post on my blog had posted this idea and I fell in love with it ever since)

She’s like Static Shock but with a dash of magenta/ruby lasers she can create through focusing her electromagnetism through her finger tips. She is an expert with her quirk and has the best handle of her quirk than most of her peers. She is the most frequent visitor in the support equipment workshop next to Tucker, Poindexter and Danny. It’s how she built the hoverboard she has in the show that utilizes her electromagnetic abilities for both offensive and defensive maneuvers. (Also, I enjoy the idea that Bullet is Val’s uncle on her mom’s side and is her biggest supporter alongside her dad, Damien Gray).

Jazz 

Quirk: Serenity 

Helps calm individuals and give them a sense of safety/security when they’re around her in a 10 feet radius. Though, anyone out of range cannot be affected by her quirk and she needs to be conscious in order to use it.

She planned on becoming a pro hero but felt her powers were best suited for her dream profession as a psychologist. She has used her quirk a lot when Danny was overwhelmed with his studies prior to UA. Course, a phone call and sibling chat over the phone certainly does the job for Danny now when it comes to preparing material for exams. (Course, its up to you guys to decide)

Dash

Hero name: Rager

Quirk: Strength Magnification

Improves his physique and stamina by a large percentage for a set amount of time. Needs to be careful of how much/long he magnifies his body or else his body will become immensely sore. 

Kwan

Hero name: Rallier 

Quirk: Team Rally (50/50)

Able to duplicate himself 3-4 times while being able to power-up allies’ quirks or stamina with a rally chant to help the team. The more duplicates there are the rally effect multiplies/stacks on the individual but it can lead to dangerous outcomes for their quirk output. 

Kwan is the class representative for 1-A, he’s the best at the job and was more than thrilled to be the one leading his class in more ways than one.  

Paulina

Hero name: Enchantress

Quirk: Charm

If the opponent is flustered by her taunts or flirting, their vision will become altered and start seeing things that are not there. It works better on men than women and the opponent can snap out of it with enough willpower or if they’re not interested in her.

Star

Hero name: Ms. Meteorite

Quirk: Comet

Similar to Gran Torino’s Jet quirk except faster and she can create an explosive impact on where she lands. Similar to a meteorite landing on earth, she also learns to use this as a long distance move by punching fast enough as she descends to create wind pressure punches.

Poindexter

Hero name: Tex (like in Tex Avery; Danny gave him the idea!) 

Quirk: Slapstick

His appearance is black and white just like an old timey cartoon character as well as having the durability and cartoon powers of one. However, his quirk can only work as long as what he does with it is funny in the circumstance it’s used for. Sort of like “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” rules in a sense. 

Sidney is part of Class 1-A just saying, I don’t care, this is Poindexter’s time to shine here to be the coolest/funniest person in the class. Also, Tucker’s most loyal friend/tester for new support items. 

Wes Weston

Hero name: Vigilance

Quirk: Deduction

He is able to deduct people’s identities to flaws/weak points for him to use against them and  exploit against problems. 

Class 1-B Representative and the most annoying/terrifying person that Danny has dealt with in his life. He was able to figure out that Danny’s quirk is not his own or more so that it's not natural and takes every opportunity to state this regardless if anyone is listening or not. 

Amber Mclain

Hero Name: Ember

Quirk: Fiery voice (50/50)

Her quirk uses the vibrations in her sining voice to conduct intense heat waves onto opponents or utilize to rumble the structures around here and even put out the flames from her quirk. Its like a combination of Present Mic and Endevours quirk but it leaves her with a strained or inflamed vocal cords with overuse. 

Third year student or an upcoming rock star that has certainly gain huge popularity after her song “Remember” was a nationwide hit amongst the younger generation. She’s striving to be the top hero while making her next hit to become the 1# song on the listings. 

Dani

Hero name: Phantwo (lol jk; unsure what her name would be)

Quirk: Poltergeist 

Similar to Danny’s quirk “Ghost”, except she has the additional ability to melt herself to a slimy puddle and use her ectoplasmic slime to trap or surprise opponents.

Clockwork

Hero Name: Clockwork

Quirk: Time Keeper

Clockwork’s quirk allows him to stop time for 5 to 15 minutes and be able to rewind it in the same amount of time. It can be one to multiple objects as long as he touches them in order to interact with them.

Principle of UA in this au. He’s quite a reserved man but still manages to visit and congregate with students throughout the school during lunch period. 

Flynn Fenton/Flynn Walker

Hero Name: The Green Knight

Quirk: Mineralization 

His quirk allows him to manipulate the minerals and inorganic materials in the atmosphere to create into crystalized constructs that are almost stronger than diamond. Luckily, the crystals have no value so he doesn’t have to worry about that aspect of his quirk. He does have to worry about his skin becoming dried out as a result of his quirk usage. 

Flynn is a third year student that loves to check up on his cousin, Danny, any chance he gets bc of the amount of work he does with his internships.

James Walker (or James W. Hausermann)

Hero name: Warden Wraith

Quirk: Plasma Apparatus

His quirk ionizes the electrolytes in the blood system into plasma. His entire body is composed of plasma giving him his skeletal appearance. He can create plasma chains, teleport from point A to B and more as long as he focuses and has enough energy at use. Course, he can have minor to severe dehydration and imbalance in his electrolyte levels from overuse. 

Occupation: CEO of an infrastructure security company/Provisional License Examiner just like Gang Orca.The ghost prison guards become his backup/helpers for the exam phases. (They’re just trained stuntmen with combat or military experience for the occasion).

Also, I like to think Walker has kids in this au who are in the Class 1-A group; they’re not hard to spot they take after their father with their skeletal complexion. 

Skulker

Villain name: Quirk Hunter

Quirk: Tracker

The moment Skulker makes eye contact with his target he will be able to hunt them down and find them anywhere no matter how good they are at covering their tracks. He can lock on to only one target, but he will be able to know their heart beat, quirk, be able to place a tracking/scent line that only he can see and will lead him to his target’s location. It lasts for over a day or a half.

Occupation: Skulker is known for capturing, info-detailing or “retiring” newcomer pros or specific quirk users for his clients that pay him handsomely for their targets, dead or alive. Thanks to Vlad, Danny was strictly intended to be captured alive by Skulker but sometimes he gets too thrilled by the hunt to not have a memento. Trust me, it's more of a dangerous 

Nicolai Technus 

Villain Name: Technus 

Quirk: Technopathy

A genius in his own right, even if he’s a little crazy, with the best ability possible for a man of science and innovation. As long as he knows the makeup and attributes of the machine, Technus is able to completely repurpose or change a machine’s qualities for offensive and defensive qualities. Whenever that be for a mech suit or hacking a high tech system for entry, he’s able to do it as long as he knows what it is and how it functions. An example is repurposing a slot machine into a submachine gun that shoots coins at the target. 

Vlad Masters

Name: Vlad Plasmius

Quirk: Vampire

Can do anything a vampire can supposedly do. However, he was able to manifest an additional aspect of this quirk which is the ability to copy any quirk users ability. Based on the type of blood he ingests decides the amount of time he can use the copied quirk for.

Occupation: CEO of his own hero firm, he is extremely selective with the interns he has that there is a major waitlist to be even consider for Masters Inc. Course, imagine the surprise Danny must of felt when he received an offer from Vlad right off the bat after the Sports festival. 

Bruce Guiles (Bullet)

Hero Name: Bullet 

Quirk: Sphyraena or Chimera Fish

Able to do anything a barracuda can do or the quirk is a 50/50 mutant quirk in which he has both the traits of a barracuda, Chimaeras and a touch of piranha from his parents being of one of these fish species hence Chimera. Bullet can do anything those fish can do overall but he can’t go too long without hydration from water. Water quality and its oxygen content also affect his abilities by a noticeable percentage but he still remains quite formidable as a quirk user.

Occupation: Captain of a coast guard team, he’s a strict military man with an amazing record of saving people from any disasters both on land and sea. Him and Walker are best buddies ever since they went to school together. 

Vortex

Hero Name: Vortex

Quirk: Storm Warning

Vortex can utilize any variation of a natural disaster depending on the environment he’s in. Hurricanes, tornadoes, thunderstorms, you name it he can create it for his use. However, despite his amazing control over his quirk it is still possible for him to create these disasters if he lost control or magnify another pre-existing one if he loses focus. 

Occupation: Storm-chaser/Forecaster; His control and knowledge in combating/predicting these natural disasters has led to him to be part of a storm chasing crew and they’re the best in helping disaster prevention teams evacuate citizens as a result.

Petra Eris

Hero name: Pandora

Quirk: Butterfly Effect

Can manipulate or prevent a chaotic event to happen if she was in proximity and present to prevent it to happen. Or even give a little chaos to the opponent to deal with during battle. 

One of the top ten heroes and most beloved heroes in the country. She is the best strategist in any team and has a way to predict any event before they happen given the necessity of it for her quirk to work in her favor. 

Johnny 

Vigilante name: Johnny 13

Quirk: Unlucky

Johnny manifests his bad luck into a shadow that will latch onto opponents and cause unfortunate events to occur more for that individual as a result. However, the shadow cannot exist in complete sunlight; it can only remain if there are already shadows in his general area or it’s nighttime and its effects are strongest at that time obviously.

Occupation: Johnny is the leader of a biker gang or de-facto leader of said biker gang who loves to raise hell and helping folks that need saving whenever he’s around or is up to the task. Kitty tags along with him to help him out of jams and bc she loves him. :3

Kitty

Vigilante name: Kitty

Quirk: Lovesick

Kitty sends a smooch towards her opponent which if it makes contact causes the individual to have nausea or become disoriented for around 10 minutes. It can also have a chance of lasting longer if the individual was sort of infatuated with her regardless of gender. 

Pariah Dark

Villain name: King Pariah

Quirk: Ultimate Adaptation 

Similar to all for one except with the unpredictability for both the user and opponents. Pariah can manifest any type of quirk needed to defeat anyone that stands in his way both one-on-one and in groups. Course, drawbacks are the learning curve to some of the quirks and that multiple adaptions he utilizes at once will destroy his cells in the process. 

Pariah is a former follower of all for one who had unique quirk that All for one augmented to help him succeed if both Shigaraki and Tomura failed in their own conquest for the world. But now Pariah has his own plans to succeed where they failed and become the leader who shapes a new world order with an iron fist. 

Frederick Kingsmen

Villain/vigilante name: Fright Knight

Quirk: Burning Energy Infusion

Able to form/infuse objects with his own burning energy life force that is capable of burning or slicing through any in his sight. The sweat he gives off is what provides the material needed to ignite his unnatural flames despite it causing his body to overheat still. 

Fright Knight is Pariah’s second-in-command with a loyalty to him as strong as his control over his power. Fright Knight has faced many pro-heros as he carried out the smaller phases of Pariah’s plans and most of them barely came close towards defeating or leaving as much as  scratch on the knight. 

Rodolfo Gonzalo  

Hero name: Wulf

Quirk: Werewolf + Portal creation (50/50?)

Can do anything a werewolf can supposedly do; somehow it allows him to create portals with his claws to locations he has marked with them or visited in the past. 

Wulf was abducted on by Pariah’s forces and sent into the Nomu labs for experimentation to force on another quirk and instill complete allegiance to their cause. Course, Wulf broke free as a result of that new additional quirk allowing him to escape their clutches and his previous one helping him survive the endeavor. However, he lost his memories in the process and could only remember his native language, Spanish, and his hero name Wulf. 

Overgrown

Villain/vigilante Name: Overgrown

Quirk: Plant Manipulation

Can manipulate any pre-existing plant matter or create new vegetation if water and soil is present for the process or he understand the biological makeup of the plant in question. 

Occupation: Pro-hero or eco-terrorist who is tired of humanity from abusing the environment from quirk battles to industries using the land for their own benefits and none others.

That’s all I have for now! I hope this was worth the wait, guys. As well as, inspire ideas for your takes with a DP x BNHA Crossover! 

[bigskydreaming]

You think when Jason first went to Bruce’s him and Dick had an interaction that went like this,

Jason: you don’t know what it like

Dick: Bitch I’m sorry which one of us went to juvie

LOL I get the joke and all but see, I do wanna be clear:

(And this is just in general rather than aimed specifically at you or this ask, anon).

I spend a lot of time talking about being anti-Trauma Olympics and that extends both ways. I don't want Dick perceived as more traumatized or having had it harder than anyone else in his family, just that his own traumas and hardships aren't erased or invalidated in favor of propping up someone else. At most, I'll talk about something like the Forever Evil situation and how he was 'more' the victim there than they were, but that's because that's a specific situational thing where both he and other characters' feelings and hurt in regards to the exact same set of circumstances are being compared, and I'm like, well if you're GONNA do that, you kinda gotta look at who was most directly impacted by events versus had feelings about what HAPPENED to the first person in the first place, just....conveniently leapfrogging over that dude's actual feelings about those exact same things.

But ultimately, although I'll spite-LOL about this sorta joke in response to other fans Doing the Most in the other direction, like.....tbh, I wouldn't be any more in favor of this kinda interaction in fics or canon.

What I WOULD love to see is rather than the kids being pitted against each other in a kinda pseudo competition, see them use traumas and parallel situations as a basis for common ground and building stronger bonds. Like, how much more powerful would it be if what we got instead was Jason finding out about Dick's past experiences with juvie in order to make Dick someone he feels DOES get certain things. I mean, Dick never DID experience various things that Jason did living on the street or earlier living with Catherine and Willis....but like I've always posited that in the early years Dick had a primal fear of fucking up and being sent back to juvie by Bruce, Dick absolutely would be able to understand the fears of a kid who was caught committing an actual crime by Bruce in their first encounter and feared what might happen if Bruce ever decided he wasn't worth giving the benefit of the doubt and ultimately would never be more than a criminal.

Part of what bums me so much about the direction most fics and headcanons take towards Dick and Jason's earlier interactions, is there's a huge chasm in experience, perspective and privilege between Bruce and BOTH his two eldest. That chasm is not nearly as vast between Dick and Jason themselves. Where they diverge in prior experiences tends to have a lot to do with specific situations and circumstances rather than axis of privilege. (Especially when you consider - and god I'm tired of this - how often people default to being like 'well Dick at least had loving parents' when ahem, HOW OFTEN has Jason made clear that he has very affectionate memories of Catherine because she was at times a very loving and attentive mother, and that's WHY her addiction and death hit him so hard, not unlike how the murder of Dick's parents hit him so hard BECAUSE they were loving and nurturing? Like, how often do people throw characters' own stories and canon away JUST to make the case that they have it harder than another one? Can we stop this? Forever preferably?)

But point is, there are tons of areas where Bruce just fundamentally didn't relate to Dick and never was going to be able to, because Bruce was never in a position of being at the mercy of various institutions. Bruce never had to worry about being thrown out by his guardian, Alfred, who technically worked for his family even as he raised Bruce. He never had to deal with peers looking down on him because of who he WAS rather than giving him shit for specific circumstances or events. He never had to worry about his parents or past being demeaned as worthless, he never had to balance trying to retain a sense of self without being subsumed into Bruce AND the Waynes' larger than life shadows, history, and perception in the eyes of the public.

However all of these and more are areas where Dick and Jason absolutely overlap and this could be greatly of benefit to each other, if it was ALLOWED to be. For Dick, Jason's arrival can be an opportunity for him to finally have someone who gets various aspects of growing up with Bruce that will just fly over other peoples' heads as being a problem or them having issues with at all. For Jason, Dick can be an opportunity for him to have an easier time understanding Bruce when these gaps in perception and experience appear, or making himself understood by Bruce, by drawing upon and learning from Dick's own experience trying to navigate those very same gaps between Bruce and himself in years prior.

And even where Dick and Jason's experiences diverge, there's still plenty they could learn from each other that they STILL couldn't have in common with Bruce. Like yeah, Jason - even with a loving relationship with Catherine factored in - didn't ever have the benefit of Dick's history being part of a huge communal family in the circus, and around people who were open and generous with their affection and all that.....and frankly, Bruce never had this either, even factoring in his own relationship with HIS parents. But its something that Dick could definitely impart wisdom in, that would be helpful to Jason in learning to be part of a larger community of superheroes overall, and how to interact with a bigger family that wasn't limited just to himself and his guardian or guardians....as well as helpful after their family grew to include more siblings.

And Jason did have a ton of experiences and perspective born of living on the streets and being entirely self-sufficient from a young age, with wisdom he could share with Dick there, who was MORE likely to get the benefits of that than Bruce even, because Dick did have experience with a closer mindset to what Jason had had at the time, and even if Dick's own experiences running from juvie or in Robin Year One were far more finite than Jason's ever were, there's enough of a foundation there for them to build a common awareness of major events in each other's past and like....thus be able to talk about them, unpack them with each other and not have to worry about being judged by someone who just fundamentally might not get it or understand where they were coming from when they made certain choices based on those mindsets.

And then back again, part of why it bugs to so often hear Dick's years growing up in the mansion talked about as wholly a good thing when there's no separating them from the years he spent as Robin, is because Dick has knowledge and awareness of the streets and crime that's predicated entirely on his years as Robin, that's still broader than Jason's in the sense that Jason's knowledge is limited just to his personal, more contained experiences, whereas Dick as Robin interacted with all sorts of crime and criminals and victims. And who better than Dick to learn from in regards to what its like to even BE a teen vigilante, because for all Bruce's experience as Batman, he debuted as an adult, he'll never be able to relate specifically to the fears and finer points of taking on people who are older, bigger, more experienced than you, when you're that young and small. But again, all of that requires like, ACKNOWLEDGING that Dick went through some SHIT when he was younger, and that doesn't have to TAKE AWAY anything from Jason's own hardships, but it has all the capacity in the world to ADD things to Jason's toolbox for dealing with his hardships.

But yeah, ultimately, like....it annoys me to see Dick's own experiences so often glossed over or romanticized in order to act like he's so oblivious to what someone like Jason's life was like, but more than that, it just bums me because its a waste of so much potential material and just.....erases the opportunity for so many stories that could explore actual new, uncharted territory rather than just retread the same old beats about how oh Dick is just oblivious to what REAL hardship is like but Jason gets it, see.

That's gonna get a yawn from me, lads.

[liquidstar]

Tell me about your ocs!! What's their names and ages? Do they have a story? What's theur relationship to one another?

THANK YOU FOR ASKING ANON sorry im answering late but i was busy all morning! but i appreciate it so 🥺 ty

i have a buuunch of different ocs and two totally different main ocverses/stories so i think it might be hard to answer all at once though 😅 but actually i do wanna answer with the main group of my newer ocverse bc i dont think i ever really posted abt exactly what all their dynamics are with each other!

just for context and to answer the first question, their story mainly takes place within a guild where they take on missions and eventually they sort of stumble ass backwards into a plot. the main five characters are polaris, saiph, bella, al, and mira! id talk more about them but ive posted abt them before so i dont wanna overexplain ;; i can link their more in depth personal posts if you want though!

but like, as for their relationships which i really do wanna get into, i typed a looot so im going to put it under the cut hehe:

polaris and saiph are besties but polaris wont admit it because shes trying way too hard to appear as more of a loner than she really wants to be. but saiph is like, completely adamant on being besties anyway so it somehow evens out, the fact that he doesnt leave is sort of what reassures her that they are friends after all. typical fire and ice dynamic, theres a balance between them.

polaris and bella are like. both very similar to each other with their tendencies to isolate and repress themselves but in different ways, which makes them sort of resent each other at first, but then at the same time theyre also both able to understand each other and actually help each other and be friends. or maybe...

polaris and al sort of have a relaxed friendship where there isnt as much pressure, al is sort of the reassuring cool factor that's needed for polaris to stay comfortable in the chaos of their group. al also considers her to be a good person to talk to, but since polaris doesnt understand social dynamics as well she had a hard time determining where the line between meddling and helping is. and maybe al feels a bit weird seeing saiph and polaris be besties and realizing that hes not content with having that same dynamic with saiph too... ill get into their whole mess later tho

polaris and mira generally get along very well, but contrary to al, mira's personality can be a bit overwhelming for polaris, its basically an extreme extrovert and an extreme introvert, but that kind of relationship is also one thats important to polaris coming out of her shell. probably because mira is hard to say no to (because half the time shed drag you along anyway).

saiph and bella also have opposite energies in a sense, saiph cant control his emotions while bella represses her emotions, hes always at a 10 when shes always at a 3. bella might find him annoying in a lighthearted sort of way, but she also finds a bit of a vicarious catharsis in his demeanor so she likes hanging out with him. and saiph sort of just looks up to her as their de facto team leader.

saiph and al are. the messiest bitches on planet earth. they both like each other but theyre both so fundamentally insecure in very similar but also different ways that theyre unable to actually, like, even conceptualize of the feelings being mutual. and despite their own feelings for each other their own issues clash a lot with each other- al wants to become strong enough so that he can protect people so they never have to protect him, the concept of people getting hurt on his behalf is terrifying to him. but saiph is incredibly reckless and self-sacrificial (in a way that borders on suicidal) and feels patronized and insulted if anyone tries to take on any of these burdens in his stead. so they clash heads a lot in this regard ESPECIALLY because its the person theyre respectively in love with.

anyway saiph and mira are siblings. though theyre not technically related they are siblings and theyd probably be offended if you ever questioned that fact. they grew up in the guild together, and since theyre close in age they really clung to each other. despite only being a little over a year older saiph still took on the classic protective older brother role, while mira is the cutsie and playfully annoying sister, and shed even play it up for his sake at times.

al and bella are sort of frenemies, in a lighthearted way though. neither of them really take it very far since theyre fairly levelheaded (most of the time), but they still bud heads because they both always feel the need to be in control of any given situation. bella is the team leader so naturally shes in charge, which can make al uneasy and sort of bicker with her, which in turn makes her frustrated at his incorporation. even outside of missions they keep their banter going, usually its light but that doesnt mean they never argue for real either. theyre still friends, but maybe they should voice that a bit more often too.

al and mira generally get along super well but he cannot keep up with her energy, but unlike polaris he like, fully encourages her chaos. she sort of sees him as a good person to just ramble to for hours on end because he’ll just sit and listen. he has no clue what shes talking about half the time but thats okay because he likes her spirit! and she helps balance out his somewhat more cynical characteristics a bit. 

bella and mira are besties. their personalities seem sort of opposite on the outside, but on the inside theyre both pretty similar! bella's more edgy demeanor is a facade after all, in her heart of hearts she really is soft, she likes cutsie and sweet things, and despite not showing it she really does like being shown affection. she has a lot in common with mira, so shes sort of able to be herself a bit more around her, she doesnt feel threatened and can put some walls down. they shop at hot topic and claires together.

[number5theboy]

Please elaborate on how Five could've turned into the most insufferable character to watch

Thanks for asking me to elaborate on this text post:

@tessapercygranger​, @waywardd1​ and @margarita-umbrella​ also wanted to see a more detailed version of it, and I ended up writing an essay that’s longer than some of my actual academic essays. So buckle up.

WHY NUMBER FIVE SHOULD BE THE MOST OBNOXIOUS CHARACTER IN TV HISTORY, AND HOW HE MANAGES NOT TO BE

Number Five: The Concept That Could Go Horribly Wrong

Alright, let’s first look at Five in theory in an overarching way, without taking into account the execution of the show. The basic set-up of the character, of course, is being a 58-year-old consciousness in a teenager’s body, due to a miscalculation in time travel. Right off the bat, Five is bar none the most overpowered of the siblings; by the end of Season 2, no one has yet been able to defeat him in a fight. He is a master assassin – and not just any master assassin, but the best one there is – and a survival expert, able to do complex maths and physics without the aid of a calculator, shown to have knowledge of half a dozen languages, has very developed observational skills and, to top that all off, he can manipulate time and space to the point where he can literally erase events that happened and change the course of history. And Five knows how skilled he is; he is arrogant, self-assured and sarcastic, and his streak of goodness is buried deep inside. David Castañeda once described Five in an interview as 90% chocolate with a cherry in the middle, meaning that you have to get through a lot of darkness and bitterness before knowing there is a good core, and I think it’s an excellent metaphor. However, Five is also incredibly, fundamentally terrible at communicating with anyone, and, because he is the only one with time travel abilities, the character a lot of the actual plot - and the moving forward of it - centres around. Also he’s earnestly in love with a mannequin, who is pretty much a projection of his own consciousness that functions as a coping mechanism for all the trauma he has endured. All in all, this gives you a character who looks like a teenager, but with the smug superiority of a fifty-something, who a) is extremely skilled in many different things, b) has a superiority complex, is arrogant and vocal about it, and most of the superiority is expressed through cutting sarcasm, c) has one very hidden ounce of goodness that he is literally the worst at communicating to other human beings, d) is what moves the plot along but is also bad at talking to anyone else, meaning that the plot largely remains with him, and e) his love interest is essentially a projection of himself. Tell me that’s not a character who is destined to be just…obnoxious, annoying, egocentric, a necessary evil that one has to put up with to get through this show. There are so many elements of this characterisation that can and should easily make Five beyond insufferable, but the show manages to avoid it, and I’m putting this down to three aspects.

That Trick of Age and Appearance

Bluntly put, Five as a character would not work if he was anything else than an old man in a 13-year-old body. Imagine this character and all his skills and knowledge, but actually just…a teenager. Immediately insufferable. Same goes for him being around 30, like his siblings, all of which are stunted and traumatised by their father’s abuse. If Five, being comparatively unscathed by Reginald to the point where he explicitly does not want to be defined by his association with his father, were 30 like his siblings, it would just take the bite out of that plot point and also give him a lot less time in the apocalypse, reducing the impact it had on him as a person. And making Five his actual 58-year-old self would make him very similar to Reginald, at least on surface level, with the appearance and attitude. Five and Reginald are two fundamentally different people, but having one of the siblings being a senior citizen that’s dressed to the nines and bosses his siblings around in a relatively self-centred way does open up that parallel, and would take away from Five’s charm as a character. Because pairing the life experience of a 58-year-old with the appearance of a teenager gives you the best of both worlds. You get the other siblings (and a lot of the audience, from a glance in the tags of my gifsets) feeling protective and paternal about Five, but his age and experience also give the justifications for his many skills, his arrogance, in a way, and his ability to decimate a room full of people. It’s the very interesting and not new concept of someone dangerous with the appearance of something harmless, a child. This is also where Five’s singular outfit comes in. I know we like to clown on Five to get a new outfit, but I think what gets forgotten often is how effective this outfit is at making the viewer take him seriously. The preppy school uniform is the perfect encapsulation of the tension between old man in spirit and young teenager in appearance. The blazer, vest and especially the shirt and tie are quite formal, relatively grown up. They’re not something we, the audience, usually associate with a teenage boy wearing; it makes Five just a little bit more grown up. But there is also a reason characters in this show keep bringing up Five’s shorts and his socks, because those are not things that we associate with grown men wearing; they’re the unmistakably childish part of his school uniform. Take a moment and imagine Five wearing a hoodie or a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers; would that outfit work for him as well as the uniform does? Would he be able to command the same kind of respect or seriousness as a character? I don’t think so; the outfit is a lot more pivotal in making Five believable than a lot of people give it credit for.

Writing Nuance

The other big building block in not making Five incredibly insufferable is the writing. Objectively speaking, I think Five is the most well-written, and, more importantly, most coherently written character on the show (which does have to do with the fact that the show’s events are all sequential for him), and his arc and personality remain relatively intact over the course of the two seasons. More to the point, a giant part of what makes Five bearable as a character is that he is allowed to fail. He is written to have high highs and low lows, big victories through his skills and his intelligence, but also catastrophic failures and the freedom to be wrong. His superior intellect and skillset are not the be-all end-all of the plot or his character, just something that influences both. His inability for communication has not (yet) been used to fabricate a contrived misunderstanding that derails the plot and left all of us seething; instead, it’s a characteristic that makes him fail to reconnect with the people he loves. This is a bit simplified, as he does find common ground with Luther, for example, but in general, a lot of the rift between Five and his siblings is that they can’t relate to his traumas and he does not understand the depth of Reginald’s abuse, which is an interesting conflict worth exploring. Another thing that really works in Five’s favour is that he is definitely written to be mean and sarcastic, but it is never driven to the point of complete unlikability, and a lot of the time, the context makes it understandable why he reacts the way he does. Most of the sarcastic lines he gets are actually funny, that certainly helps, but in general, Five is a good example of a bearable character whose default personality is sharp and relatively cold, because it is balanced out with many moments of vulnerability. Delores is incredibly important for this in the first season, she is the main focus of Five’s humanising moments, and well-written as she totes the line between clearly being a coping mechanism for an extremely traumatised man and still coming across to the viewer as the human contact Five needs her to be. In the second season, the vulnerability is about his guilt for his siblings, it’s about Five connecting a little bit better to them. There’s also his relationship with the Commission and the Handler specifically – which honestly could be an essay on its own – that deserves a mention, because the Handler is why Five became the man he is, and this dynamic between creator and creation is explored in a very interesting way – their scenes are some of the most well-written in the entire show. And TUA never falls into the trap of making Five a hero, he is always morally ambiguous at best, and it just makes for an interesting, multi-faceted character, well-written character, and none of the characteristics that should make him unlikeable are allowed to take centre-stage for long enough to be defining on their own. I know a lot of people especially champion the scenes where Five goes apeshit, but without his more nuanced characterisation, if he was like that all the time, those scenes would not hit as hard.

Aidan Gallagher’s Performance is Underrated

But honestly, none of the above would matter that much if the Umbrella Academy didn’t luck out hard with the casting of Aidan Gallagher. I think what he achieves as an actor in this show is genuinely underappreciated. Like, the first season set out to cast six adults having to deal with various ramifications of childhood trauma, and a literal child that had to be able to act smart and wise beyond his years, seamlessly integrate into a family of adults while seeming like an adult, traumatised by the literal end of the world, AND had to be able to create the romantic chemistry of a thirty-year-long marriage with a lifeless department store doll. The only role I could think of to compare is Kirsten Dunst in Interview with a Vampire, where she plays a vampire child who, because she is undead, doesn’t age physically, but does mentally, so she’s 400 in a child’s body. And Kirsten Dunst had to do that for a two-hour movie. Five is a main character in a show that spans 20 episodes now. That’s insane, and it’s a risk. Five is a character that can’t be allowed to go wrong; if you don’t buy Five as a character, the entire first season loses believability. And they found someone who could do that not only convincingly, but also likeably. As I said, he is incredibly helped by the costuming department and the script, but Aidan Gallager’s Five has so much personality, he’s threatening and funny and charming and arrogant and heartbreaking. He has the range to be convincing in the quiet moments where Five’s humanity comes to show and in the moments where Five goes completely off the rails. Most child actors act with other children, but he is the only child in the main cast, and holds his own in scenes with adults not as a child, but as an adult on equal footing with the other adult characters. That’s not something to be taken for granted. But even apart from the fact that it’s a child actor who carries a lot of the plot and the drama of a series for adults, Aidan Gallagher’s portrayal of Five is also just so much fun. The comedic timing is on point, he has the dramatic chops for the serious scenes, the mannerisms and visual ticks add to the character rather than distract from him, and his line deliveries, paired with his physical acting, make Five arrogant and smug but never outright malicious and unlikeable. It’s just some terrific acting that really does justice to the character as he is written, but the writing would not be as strong if it wasn’t delivered and acted out the way Aidan Gallagher does. He is an incredible asset for this show.

Alright, onto concluding this rambling. If you made it this far, I commend you, and thank you for it. The point of all of this is that Five, as a character, could have been an unmitigated disaster of a TV character. He is overpowered, arrogant, uncommunicative and could so easily have been either unconvincing or completely unlikeable, but he turned out to be neither. It’s a combination of choices in the costume department, decisions in the writing room, and Aidan Gallagher’s acting skills that make the things that should make him obnoxious and annoying incredibly entertaining, and I hope you liked my long-winded exploration of these. Some nuance was lost along the way, but if I had not stopped myself, this would’ve become a full-blown thesis.

[kinktae]

beyond the story: bitchin’

Hi friends! I hope you are all staying safe and healthy during these tough times! I really wanted to put something out there as a thank you to just how much support Bitchin’ got. You guys really are incredible. So, although this story has come to an end, I wanted to properly close the Bitchin’ chapter by giving you all a behind the scenes look at Bitchin’ and everything that went into writing it. This includes hidden easter eggs, backstories, alternative plot-lines, and a short drabble of the Bitchin’ cast 10 years after the story’s end.

Without further ado, please enjoy and thank you again for all your love. You have all of mine.

CHAPTER ONE – PARTNERS

Ah, yes, the start of this whole wild ride. I’ve always loved the whole nerd/popular person trope in fanfics, so it was only a matter of time before I tried my hand at it too. One thing I was adamant about was not making this a “popular person turns nerd hot/confident/better” fic as its kind of one of my least favorite cliches. With that in mind, and knowing that I was going to allude to TATBILB’s contract, I decided that I wanted Y/N to gain as much from the deal as Jungkook did. No blackmail, no just agreeing for the hell of it – Y/N was going to further herself and her dreams given the opportunity.

The beginning of the chapter is where the two are most separated and dissimilar throughout the whole story. It wasn’t that they were fundamentally different, it was that they approached life differently. Y/N was frustrated at how superficial Jungkook seemed, because she believes there is much more to life than just kicking your feet up and cracking jokes.

On the other hand, Jungkook didn’t understand why Y/N was so tense and on guard. To him, life was meant to enjoy and not take so seriously. Which makes sense, given that he grew up with minimal rules and minimal worries (bare minimum partners wassup !) 

“So, do we have a deal? Partners?” There was mischievous timber to his words, the kind that made you feel as if this would all later come back to bite you in the ass.

Pushing that pestering thought away, you took his hand into yours, holding his eyes as you gave it a firm shake.

“Partners.”

God, this bit. I knew from the minute I wrote it that I was writing the ending of bitchin’ along with it. I knew this was exactly how I was going to end this story, bc the word partners has multiple means right? In chapter 1, this meant business partners, but in the final chapter… it means life partners. Idk, I’m just still really happy with this writing decision :D

CHAPTER TWO – THE CONTRACT

Dearest Yara. We meet her in chapter two don’t we? Yara is completely based off of my irl best friend Yara who is a writer and who helped me A LOT with this story. She was my biggest supporter throughout figuring out this crazy plot. It was initially only about seven parts, but with her help I managed to bump it up to 10! Everybody say thank you Yaraaaa.

You were angry, that much was evident to her. Yara was sat in your shared dorm’s living room, a thick blanket engulfing her small frame. You briefly glanced towards the TV, it was tuned into MTV, the familiar music video of Every Breath You Take by The Police playing, before directing your glare back onto the copper-haired girl.

The song reference is a direct allusion to writer Yara’s fic, which is one of my favorite fics by her. She was actively writing it around the start of our friendship so it only felt right to pay respects to her. The introduction of her character felt necessary imo bc I wanted to make sure Y/N had a life outside Jungkook. Plus, I got to use the scenes between the two girls as a way to reference the music and culture scene. Yara is especially a fan of the powerful women in the music industry at the time, i.e., Madonna, Annie Lennox, Cyndi Laupner, etc.) Yara is a raging feminist and believer in sexual freedom and libery for women, we do in fact have to stan.

“How old do you think your sister is?”

“Hey, don’t sass me. For your information, Lyanna still has all her Care Bear tapes. She threw a hissy fit when my mom tried to give them away last Christmas.” Yara recalled.

Lyanna is one of writer Yara’s past pseudonyms. She always used to joke about how whenever she read it, it was confusing because there was Y/N, Yara and Lyanna, which were technically all her lolol.

FUNNY STORY ABOUT THE CONTRACT I INSERTED INTO THIS PICTURE… Twitter found it and made it into somewhat of a meme because no one knew it came from a fic rip. I was actually rly embarrassed and even wrote some posts about how much twitter scared me on my blog LMAO. but THEN weirdly enough, I actually stumbled upon a small community on twitter who actually found my fic and would TWEET ABOUT IT!!! LIKE REACTIONS TO EACH UPDATE!!! I wish I could go back in time and remember how giddy I was the first time I found a tweet about my fic. The fanfic community on twitter gave me a new love for the site (which I had previously had removed myself from because of its toxicity) and I have met so many wonderful people because of it. People even made themselves a little twitter group chat to talk about my fics, and now we are all friends! I miss posting a chapter of bitchin’ and refreshing my twitter feed as all my mutuals would post memes and live tweet their reactions. God that made me so fucking happy.

CHAPTER THREE – THE ROLLERSKATING DATE

I love the bickering in this chapter, because unlike the bickering in the first chapter, it’s actually less hostile and more playful. Y/N is slowly letting her guard down to the very persistently charming Jungkook.

“Woah. Family of six, huh? So you have siblings then.” He noted.

“Yep. Three.”

“Tell me about them.”

Looking up from where you were slipping on your second skate, you met Jungkook’s eyes, surprised to see genuine interest in them.

I actually originally had Y/N brush him off here. I was going to wait until the drunk party scene for Y/N to open up about her family and relationship with her sisters. But then I kind of thought to myself… Why? Y/N made peace with it and doesn’t hold onto those insecurities anymore. And objectively, Jungkook hasn’t proven himself to be a bad person so… I let Y/N open herself up to him.

“Then there’s the twins, Rosa and Lia.”

“Hold on. Twins? Wait… did they go to our high school?” Jungkook asked, his interest in this conversation doubled.

“Yep. They were two grades above us.” You confirmed.

“Oh shit, yeah, I remember your sisters, they were mad hot.” Jungkook let out a low whistle, before stiffening, flashing you an apologetic look. “Uh, in a totally non-meathead way.”

You offered the scared-looking boy a small smile, shaking your head.

Some of y’all notice but, Rosa and Lia are a blatant homage to my name: Roselia. ACTUALLY some form of my name can be found in every one of the rewind series fics, including upcoming ones. I’ll give a cookie to whoever can find every single mention hehe.

“I told you it was dumb.” You laughed nervously.

It wasn’t that you cared much about what Jungkook thought but you had a feeling a guy like him, who was popular and carefree, wouldn’t be able to sympathize in the way you would like him to.

“No, I’m just… surprised, that’s all.”

Jungkook certainly was surprised. You had built up quite the impression on him from the very moment you two met. It was hard to imagine that the girl who was so unapologetically herself was ever unsure or insecure.

Somehow, the idea tugged at his heart, as if he understood you more if only just a little.

From the get go, Jungkook was extremely drawn to just how confident and secure Y/N was in herself. I knew I wanted Y/N to be unapologetically sure of herself and in her abilities. Something I didn’t want, however, was for frat boy!jungkook’s only personality traits to be liking sex and being a cocky bastard (although I am a big consumer of that trope heh). Jungkook is actually canonly incredibly insecure. He lacks a real sense of self, which is why he is so desperate for Kiri back. His relationship with Kiri at that time was a big part of what he thought was himself. He has somewhat of low self esteem tbh which is why he’ll go back to a woman who treated him unfairly. That’s why he comes off the way he does in the first chapter and why Y/N thinks he has a big ego... he’s overcompensating. He finds it so endlessly fascinating that Y/N, in all her confident glory, was actually once super insecure. He admires her all the more once she opens up about her past.

“Oh, Rosa is an intern for our hometown’s newspaper but between you and me those assholes don’t even let her write. She does coffee and burger runs for men in charge. And Lia sells ice cream at the mall.”

“What about your brother?” Jungkook asked.

“He’s training to be a cop just like my dad.”

“And your mom?”

“She works at a convenience store.”

All their careers resemble people in the latest Stranger Things season (Nancy, Steve, Hopper, and Joyce). Fun Cameo there.

“What’s wrong?” You wondered, following his eyes.

“October 16th, 1985. 6:48PM.”

“Yes. That’s today’s date and time. What about it?” You pressed, growing confused.

“Remember it.” He warned.

“Why?”

“It’s when I fell in love with you.”

This iconic line I actually got from the real Jeon Jungkook himself. While Jungkook wasn’t actually in love with Y/N here, it certainly was a cute way for him to express his admiration for her.

OH HERE’S A FUN FACT: the hickey scene at the end of this chapter where JK and Y/N kiss for the first time was actually supposed to be Yara giving Y/N the hickey like the best friend she is. Ultimately I went with JK giving it for... smut purposes... ≖‿≖ 

CHAPTER FOUR – THE HALLOWEEN PARTY

The decision for Y/N to be Freddie Krueger came from me planning to be him for Halloween. And I was! JK as Glen Lantz just followed naturally. I’ve seen some great edits of him as the character. Truly chef’s kiss.

I really liked that Jungkook came over to the girl’s dorm to get ready. I didn’t want a scene where Y/N was thrown into a situation she was uncomfortable with which is how much Nerd At A Party Scene go so made sure Jungkook stayed by her side throughout the part, going out of his way to introducing her to the people he cared about.

Tae’s character came in when I realized I needed a way to actually put Y/N’s event in motion. He was the missing link and BOY did you guys eat his character right up huh. Love that for me.

Another thing, the confrontation with Kiri was so hard to write guys, I reeaaaally struggle with girl conflict. GIRLS SHOULD SUPPORT GIRLS. However, not everyone gets along in real life so I went with Kiri being more along the lines of petty rather than outwardly a cunt to Y/N. Realistically, Kiri is popular and well liked among the greek life so being unkind to someone she hardly knows wouldn’t make sense. There’s definitely tension between these two but I tried my best to steer away from the typical cat fight/revenge porn/public humiliation trope most movies seem to follow.

CHAPTER FIVE – THE FIRST TIME

Introduction to Erik!!!! It was really important to me that Y/N had a life before Jungkook. That's why I wrote in Y/N having a fiancé. She’s not opposed to love, she just has reshifted her focus. She knows what she wants and is choosing to focus on that, which why when she realizes she’s falling for Kookie she’s so hesitant to admit it because she’s fallen down that road before. Even though Jungkook treats her with respect and acknowledges the parts of her she’s most proud of, she just isn’t willing to possibly give up her passions for love. Which is why she doesn’t immediately confess to him, even once she’s sure she loves him.

“I’m serious, nerd. You’re like… um… the sun!” Jungkook marveled, eyes growing full as the realization dawned on him.

“The sun?” You laughed.

“Yeah, like… you’re this bright, beautiful thing that seems like it’s here in front of me but is really light-years away.”

Jungkook was drunk, and although you were sure he was making more sense in his head, you couldn’t help but feel your face grow hot, unsure of how to react to his drunk analogy.

“You’re the sun, Y/N. You make the world turn for you. Never orbit for anyone else.”

And suddenly, you were kissing him, for no other reason other than you wanted to and that it felt like the right thing to do.

No real commentary here. Just love this bit. It’s probably my favorite interaction between them two ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) 

“Also… She’s, uh, currently dating Eunwoo.” You told Yara.

Your best friend blinked, silence falling over her.

“Yara?”

“Good for her.” She perked up almost forcibly. “Let her put up with his annoying ass.”

Yara could see the way your expression had turned dubious as if you didn’t believe her nonchalant act.

Yara turned up her nose defensively, “What?”

Ugh yes, some character development from Yara.... the flavor ! Yara (much like Y/N and JK) also struggles with love. She has a real fear of commitment and if far more comfortable with casual sex than relationships. She did develop actual feelings for Eunwoo, she just wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment so she cut him off. Fleed the scene if you will. Typical gemini smh my head.

"I don’t think the contract mentioned orgasms.” Jungkook smirked as you released his thumb.

“I say we let it slide.” You shrugged, leaning into him casually.

“You think?”

“Totally. Think of it as… a bonding activity.” You joked, resting your chin on his shoulder, peering up through your lashes.

“Damn, we’re really committed to this fake dating thing, huh.”

You laughed in the way that you hated, but Jungkook loved; it was loud and abrupt, but it genuine, and it was you.

“What can I say, I’m a method actor.” You sighed dramatically, causing Jungkook to grin before pressing a kiss to your nose, simply because he liked the way it always seemed to make you smile.

GOD THEY’RE SO WHIPPED FOR EACH OTHER ITS DISGUSTING!!!!!! I’m really happy I decided not to make sleeping together a big deal and I got a lot of feedback from you guys agreeing! I had a lot of fun with these two’s sex scenes knowing they could do it whenever they wanted.

CHAPTER SIX – THE STEM EVENT

I started the scene with smut BUT I wanted to point out that much of their time spent together is at Y/N dorm, Jungkook either napping, hanging out or doing work as Y/N would study like she always did. I liked the idea that Jungkook would get bored and would want attention from Y/N because she was so focused. Idk, I just wanted to write a love story about two people spending time together and figuring out how they fit in each other’s lives as opposed to some dramatic I mEeT HiM aNd mY LiFe bEcAmE cRaZy. There’s nothing wrong with that plot line, I just didn’t want that for these two dorks. I wanted Y/N to interact with JK’s scene and crowd but not give up her own which is why most days JK and her just lounged around in her dorm studying.

Also, I don’t know how the teacher/student roleplay made it into the smut, it just did, no further questions (ʃ⌣́_⌣́ƪ).

Then the event scene.

“You’re whipped, dude! Seriously.”

Jungkook felt his face go red, “Shut up, no, I’m not.”

“Hey, I’m not judging. I get it. That’s your girl.” Taehyung shrugged. Jungkook placed a hand on the fold up table in front of him, staring down at the information pamphlet you had worked so hard on.

“She’s just… so fucking driven and passionate about everything she does. Sometimes I look at her, and I’m just like… holy shit, what am I doing with a girl like her? I feel like she’s totally out of my league and being with me is holding her back but— I dunno, man. I just… really like her.” Jungkook revealed, voice growing small.

An unexpected wave of tenderness fell over the two boys, Taehyung throwing an arm over his little brother’s shoulder.

“I’m happy for you, bro.”

Jungkook didn’t know it just yet but dude was talking from the heart and, is in fact, totally whipped :’c

I loved the confrontation scene between the boys and Eunwoo because the boys standing up for Yara really did make everyone feel like a friend group, not just some character who happen to exist at the same time. It wasn’t just Y/N and Yara and one side and the boys on the other. They would all become friends, which is ideal to me. A boyfriend who likes your best friend and considers her a friend so you can all hang out??? Yes please.

Initially, irl Yara and I had noooo clue if Yara would end up with Eunwoo or not. That was actually the original goal actually. But after this chapter four, you guys made it ABUNDANTLY clear that you guys wanted to see Taeyara, despite the two never even meeting! Honestly, it wasn’t until this chapter was written that we decided for sure that Eunwoo was out of the picture for Yara. Part of me really wanted to keep Yara single, but irl Yara insisted on dick and frankly, she’s right. Bitchin’ Yara deserved a shot at love. She definitely has her own story outside of Bitchin’ and will experience a lot of growth in the future.

“God, I know. I do not miss that temper of his.” She chuckled, her words piquing your interest.

“Temper?”

“Oh, yeah. Have you seriously not experienced it yet? He’s got some gnarly anger issues. Not to mention all the lying…” Kiri paused suddenly, straightening up as she flashed you an apologetic look. “Yikes, I’m sorry. I totally should not be telling you this. I’m not trying to be that gross girl that shit talks her ex to his current girlfriend.”

Miss Kiri, Miss Kiri. She really acted up this chapter didn’t she. There was a lot of discussion about whether or not those things she said about Jungkook were true. Which was exactly what I wanted hehe. We come to find out that Kiri had definitely stretched the truth. She really is good at manipulation and understanding how people think and it’s why she is in the role that she is in. Messy queen.

CHAPTER SEVEN – THE ROOFTOP DATE

This entire chapter was inspired by High School Musical with Troy and Gabriella’s rooftop garden scenes. This was my shortest chapter and honestly, probably not my strongest. I definitely went into writing this with zero concept of what I actually wanted to happen. Usually when I write my chapters I have a 4k long outline of it beforehand that I go off of. Not this one though. I really just winged it and I tried my best to write a chapter that really showed off (dialogue wise) just how this couple bounces off each other. I do really like some of the banter they have in this chapter.

You had taken note a little wooden popsicle stick poking up from the soil of the yellow flowers. Acacias, they were marked. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you considered his words.

Yellow acacias stands the value of true friendship and can indicate a secret love! I thought that was very appropriate given these dummies' relationship.

“So, you probably know why I brought you here.”

You nodded.

“You’re proposing, right?”

“Yeah, I– oh, shut up.” He laughed, the serious mood shattering as you joined him.

Even though I knew they were going to have a semi serious talk, what with Y/N asking about what Kiri had told her, these two dufuses realistically are just too comfortable with each other to stay serious for too long.

“Hey, I said that out of frustration, I didn’t really mean it. I’m sure she’ll come crawling back soon.” You attempted to comfort him, hoping to sound sincere.

“Even if that’s true, I’m not entirely sure I want that anymore.”

“What?” You blinked. Jungkook shrugged.

“What about us?” He met your eyes, causing your breath to hitch.

“What about us?”

Jungkook stared at you for a moment, noting the way the timber in your voice had become higher pitched as if panicked.

MORE FUN FACTS LMFAO: I typically do this thing with unplanned chapters where I just go for it and write and usually it works out. But when I wrote this down I remember stopping and being like ??? WHY DID I JUST WRITE THAT ??? I don’t like deleting my writing so I had a serious think to myself about whether this was going to be the moment Jungkook confessed or not.

Canonly, I decided that Jungkook did in fact mean ‘us’ in a romantic sense, but because of the way you perceivably panicked at that possible meaning, he decided against taking the conversation in that direction, instead speaking about ‘us’ in a platonic sense. Poor kookie :(

“Stop. Listen to me, Jungkook, you’re a fucking great guy, okay? You’re charismatic and funny and care about your friends… sure, you almost ruined my event, but it was mostly to defend my best friend when Eunwoo got too pushy, right? You’re a good guy, meathead. I know I joke about your ego, but I really believe you’re capable of more than you think you are. Seriously, Kiri is so lucky to be the object of your affection.”

Jungkook watched the way the sun’s orange light kissed your face, a bittersweet feeling growing in his chest as he contemplated the object of his affection. Just a couple of months ago, he would have had no doubt about who held his heart, but as you held his stare, he found himself unsure and yet, entirely sure all the same.

“Jungkook? You okay?” You frowned, catching in the sadness in his eyes.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I just… realized something.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“…It doesn’t matter.” He smiled, the gesture hardly reaching his eyes.

It’s in this moment that Jungkook decides that there is no way you hold the same affection towards him that he does to you. He mistakes your words of comfort as you pushing him away. You are so kind and encouraging and Jungkook loves you so much that hearing you insist about him ending back up with Kiri hurts him so bad.

But you are still unsure about your feelings and genuinely believe that's still what Jungkook wants. You’re just being a supportive friend!! :( It isn’t until the end of this chapter when Y/N has her talk with Yara that she realizes, oh man, she’s in deep.

CHAPTER EIGHT – THE MISTAKE

BLAH. This chapter is so BLAH, you know? Having to write this chapter was SO HARD. I texted irl Yara complaining about how much I hated having to put my characters through this and that I wanted to just end the story on chapter 7 and keep them happy forever. BUT ALAS! I had planned for this to happen from the start.

You tasted like the mint of your favorite brand of toothpaste. He imagined if he had caught you any later then the mint would have been accompanied by the taste of coffee, knowing the way you rarely started a day without a cup.

God, he had missed the taste of you.

What you guys didn’t see is Jungkook spending the night with Kiri, and immediately kicking her out, freaking out as the weight of guilt washed over him. He knew he had done nothing wrong, that you weren’t his real girlfriend, and that getting back together with Kiri was exactly what he had signed up for. It was what he should’ve wanted. But it wasn't… because you were what he wanted. And that was exactly what he was going to tell you as he marched over to your apartment.

But he panicked. His mind already decided that your answer to him would be no– that you didn’t feel the same. So he kissed you. He had you in the only way he was allowed to. He was selfish and impulsive and so incredibly scared that he ended up hurting the person he loved the most.

Initially though, I had Jungkook get back together with Kiri, not that he slept with her right before sleeping with Y/N. But I decided TEEHEE let me just make everything erupt into flames. However, I didn’t realize just how angry with Jungkook you guys would get. I remember thinking DAMMIT WAS THAT TOO SCANDALOUS?? I knew I was going to have to work hard for Jungkook to redeem himself to my readers.

“She wants to get back together.” Jungkook swallowed dryly, eyes wavering between yours as if to gauge your reaction.

“…Oh.”

You shook your head.

“I mean, wow! That’s… That’s great!” You smiled, something tearing apart inside you as the words left your lips.

“Y/N–”

“Seriously! This means it worked, right? This is exactly what you wanted to happen.” You enthused, turning your head so that he couldn’t see the way your eyes had welled up.

Jungkook’s heart was pounding in his ears, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around you.

“Yeah… yeah, no, you’re right. We did it.” He replied monotonously.

GOD THIS PART IS SO UNBELIEVABLY FRUSTRATING! JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE EACH OTHER YOU MORONS! This entire situation is so convoluted because there's so much information missing and not being expressed, I seriously want to ring my own neck rereading this bit.

“Are you mad?” He called out cautiously, a heavy feeling falling onto his chest.

“Why would I be mad?” You quipped back sharply, causing Jungkook to flinch. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“I just thought… I mean we’ve been fooling around a lot lately, so I didn’t know if—”

“If what? I had feelings for you?” You scoffed. “Please, as if I’d ever fall for you.”

And there it was— everything Jungkook already knew but had been so afraid to hear. Of course, you didn’t feel for him what he felt for you. How could he have expected anything different?

IDIOTS!!! THEY'RE BOTH IDIOTS!!! I don't know how y'all put up with this for so long. Forgive me.

CHAPTER NINE – THE BREAK

Okay I actually love this chapter. And for many reasons. Let me break down the three scenes for you guys.

Scene one: Kiri confrontation

Kiri is definitely an opposing antagonist. She is constantly working against Y/N because of their interests directly conflicting. BUT. I would argue that the biggest antagonist to this story is the inner ones – Y/N and Jungkook's lack of ability to admit their feelings constantly holding them both back from their happy ending. That being said, a confrontation scene between Y/N and Kiri was MUCH needed. While I suppose I can understand why Kiri doesn't like Y/N, that doesn't change the fact that she has been disrespectful and catty. So miss Y/N had to put Miss Kiri in her place (•̀ᴗ•́)

Scene two: Yara and Tae at the library

Fanservice. That is all. LMFAOOO y'all reallllyyy wanted it to happen and who am I to deny my people what they want. It was really fun getting to explore my side characters and develop them through interactions outside the two main characters. IRL Yara also mentioned giving bitchin’ Yara and Tae their own chapter as a joke and I was like LOL BET. I fully was going to but then I got the idea for the next scene and was like ahh ok maybe not the whole chapter.

Scene three: Meeting with Erik

So. This was a SUPER last minute decision. Like, it wasn’t until I was writing this chapter that I planned on Erik making an appearance. I saw a tweet with someone saying their bitchin theories and they mentioned Erik appearing out of nowhere and I was like,,, HOLD ON!!!! That could be kind of spicy ≖‿≖ 

I knew for a fact JK was NOT going to be forgiven in this chapter; I needed a way to lay the situation out between the two dorks without trying to seem like I was trying to sway my audience in a way that didn't make sense to the story. Y/N was rightfully angry. But she wasn't only angry about the timing of the sex. She was angry that Jungkook went back to Kiri at all and there was no way she was going to admit that. So who better to lay it all out than calculated, unbiased third party Erik. He deserved some character development after all.

I also liked the idea that Y/N had, in theory, “romantic options.” Losing Jungkook didn’t mean the end of her life. Having my female lead stand on her own was very important to me.

CHAPTER TEN – THE END

RIGHT OF THE BAT I needed Jungkook to suffer. So that whole scene where he tries to interact with his old group only for his presence to make everything awkward MMMM yes, sweet revenge on my part.

You were surprised. His hair was no longer shaggy and long like you remembered it. Instead, it had been freshly cut, looking healthy and neatly styled for the first time since you met Jungkook.

THE WAY SO MANY PEOPLE COMMENTED ON THIS LINE “but Y/N liked it long?!?”  IS SO FUNNNYyyyy. So let me clarify a thing. Jungkook had always wanted to cut his hair right. The only reason he didn’t was because Y/N told him not to. With Y/N no longer in the picture to convince him out of it, he cut his hair. That’s really all there is to it skfjsjf.

You know, I had written this part around the time I had just finished up the third ch believe it or not. And it was COMPLETELY different. I had it planned that Yara and Y/N ignored him throughout class and Yara had gone back after the bell rang to go verbally assault JK. And as the two hashed it out, only then was that when Jungkook would realize that he liked Y/N after Yara literally spelled it out for him.

“You like her, dumbass!” Was what I had written Yara saying. I really had written him in denial for ten chapters, I was a whole sociopath (╥﹏╥). But ultimately, I decided that Jungkook came to that conclusion on his own and the decision to apologize to Y/N would have been made over winter break.

“You said Kiri came over asking for you back, yet you still came over and slept with me the next day. Even though the two of you had sex the night before. Do you understand how that makes me feel?”

“I’m—”

“Like garbage!" You emphasized, the white paint of the door somehow irritating you further. "I felt like I was something you threw away and picked back up whenever you felt like getting your dick wet.”

Your chest was rising and falling rapidly, and you tried your hardest to not let your emotions get the best of you.

“Not to mention to everyone else, it looks like you cheated on me. Which makes me look like a fucking idiot." You scoffed.

Jungkook said nothing in reply, which somehow made it easier to say all you should have said that day in your room.

“It just sucks to realize that someone you once cared about sees you as nothing more than a toy. It fucking sucks.”

Man :( writing this hurt my heart. I really, really, love bitchin!y/n and writing her hurting freaking stinks. But she had to speak her mind. She deserves the chance to get everything off her chest with the way Jungkook hurt her.

Your heart and mind were in constant paradox, torn between wanting him back and wanting him to know just how much he had hurt you. Your mind ultimately won the battle, of course, but as Jungkook stood just a few inches of drywood apart pouring his heart out, it was hard to say which major organ was responsible for your next words.

The creak of the door being pushed open sent Jungkook's eyes wide, revealing your hesitant form. You had your arms crossed over your chest as if to guard the contents inside of it.

You looked like an angel underneath the bathroom's blue fluorescent lights, beautiful and lovely, a stark contrast from your next crushing sentence.

“I slept with Erik.”

Hehe. Ofc my girl Y/N had to have a rebound!!! She knows that life goes on. However, as I wrote in, she definitely regretted it. It was kind of the same situation that Jungkook was in where he pursued something just because it was familiar and a distraction and not because he really wanted it. Both Y/N and Jungkook are flawed characters but that’s okay! If anything, Y/N’s mistake of sleeping with Erik is what allows her to forgive Jungkook. Knowing first hand how complicated their entire relationship really was.

“I don’t need you… but I don’t think I want a life without you.” You finished shyly.

Your eyes were locked with his when suddenly a small noise escaped him, eyes pulling away from yours as his head moved to attempt to hide the way his eyes had grown wet.

I got this line from one of my best friends after her ex broke up with her. It made me physically sad and really sympathize with her so I quickly wrote it down into my notes app to save for later LMAOOOO. Knowing that you are your own person and life will inevitably go on after losing someone, but that your heart still wants and is pleading for the one person you can’t have. SO SAD. I’m happy I got to use this line in one of my fics.

The note Jungkook wrote Y/N,,, imagine him not being able to sleep one night over winter break so he just writes down everything he should have told Y/N while he still had the chance…. I’ll for real cry dude, he’s so cute. Also, the line about him buying you fluffy Halloween socks for Christmas went over people’s heads I think but HECK I THOUGHT THAT WAS SO FUNNY AND SWEET (because Y/N bought Christmas socks when it was Halloween teehee).

"Are you two dorks done crying?" Yara’s voice rang out suddenly, causing both of you to jump apart.

"Yara, you creep! Privacy, dude! Ever try knocking?" You sniffed, wiping at your face hurriedly.

"What? Like you were peeing with Jungkook in the bathroom? Please." She waved you off, walking back into the living room to give you two some privacy. She did say Jungkook had 15 minutes before she’d have to come back in after all. "Anyway, Tae will be over in 10 minutes for the Saved By The Bell marathon that’s on so you guys are more than welcomed to join." She called out from her newly seated position on the couch.

I included this scene with Yara because things were getting too serious for my liking ngl. Plus the idea that the four of them would all come together at the end for a much needed reunion made my happy bitchin heart soar.

Jungkook let out a laugh, his palm finding your cheek, eyes locked on your lips. You were preening for his kiss, mouth parting slightly as you anticipated it.

“Partners?”

The question took you by surprise, eyes widening at your not so pretend lover.

Idiot.

“Partners.” You smiled softly, eyes shiny and brimming with tears as he kissed you for what must have been the millionth time, but still somehow felt like the first.

UGH I LOVE THEM I REALLY DO. I was so happy with how this final scene came out :( They’re partners, they really are I miss these boneheads.

AND NOW, I PRESENT THE CANON FUTURE OF THE BITCHIN UNIVERSE...

10 YEARS LATER

Let’s be honest, Jungkook popped the question the day of graduation, he can’t imagine a life in which you wouldn’t be beside him

You said yes (shocker)

Cue Jungkook being the most wonderful partner and respecting your wish to finish your residency program before having the wedding

You absolutely kick ass at being a neonatal surgeon

Also, Jungkook started a film company! It’s small but he loves what he does and works with colleges and helps out the film majors with resources and equipment <3

SO IT'S THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING RIGHT

Yara and your sisters are helping you get ready, with your best friend as the ever so reassuring maid of honor

And by that I mean you’re as calm as a cucumber and Yara is one wrong move away from having a stroke

“Y/N… Don’t freak out....The catering company put in two orders of shrimp instead of chicken and steak.”

“Yara, it’s okay.”

“NO ITS NOT???? THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND YOU’RE GETTING CRUSTACEANS.”

Y/N making Yara take a seat and practice some breathing exercises so she doesn’t upset the baby

Oh yeah, Yara is 10 weeks pregnant

Taehyung is the dad lol

Yara and Taehyung have been together ever since that day at the library hehe <3

They moved in together and adopted a cat and everything (sweet boy Tae wanted a dog but Yara’s afraid of dogs and Tae would do anything for that woman so Yeontan the cat it is)

Yara refuses to put a label on their relationship even after all this time, and Tae doesn’t ask for one. They’re happy and dedicated to each other and don’t feel the need to put pressure on something that’s already so perfect

Yara is actually violently in love with Tae but still scoffs when Y/N tries to bring it up

“Oh my god, you’re so in love with him”

“Huh??? you must be sick or something. Get well soon, damn :/”

Yara likes to come up with different labels for Taehyung every time she has to introduce him. Among her favorites are roommate, rent sharer, baby daddy and penis lender

Speaking of Taehyung, he’d have a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder as he tries to calm down the panicking groom to be

“JK, breathe.”

“What if she doesn’t show up? What if she doesn’t want to marry me? What if I pressured her into this and— and I’ve freaked her out and now she hates me?”

“Dude, you guys have been engaged for eight years. She’s had her opportunity to run. She’ll show up.”

Taehyung scruffing up the younger man’s hair reassuringly, which only flusters him more because DAMMIT he wants to look perfect for you and now his hair is messed up >:(

(You like him no matter what his hair looks like though)

Jungkook literally swallowing down a sob as you walk down the aisle and he lays his eyes on you for the first time

You having a dumb smile on your face the entire walk over because your husband to be is crying and you haven’t even exchanged vows yet

The entire audience going all sobby when you finally do exchange vows because they’re so beautiful and real

The ten years together has not been easy— from financial struggles as you tried to support yourself through med school, to personal conflicts when Jungkook wanted to start a family already

But you guys figured it out

You always do

He’s your person. And you are his.

Y/N’s sisters Rosa and Lia are a WRECK— even your dad is tearing up

Your family loves Jungkook and have been counting down the days until you guys married, let’s be honest

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Jungkook punching the air with a “FINALLY!” before kissing the hell out of you

The cutting of the cake inevitably turning into a food fight

The shrimp entrees turning out to be pretty damn good

Yara catching the bouquet and wagging her brows at Taehyung suggestively

Jungkook pulling you aside to take photos of you outside the venue because you look so so pretty and he loves the way you smile when he’s the one behind the camera

The party is in full session, your siblings tearing up the dance floor like the extroverts they are

You and Jungkook are sat at the head of the room, hands intertwined underneath the table as you watch a tired and painfully sober Yara swing her bare feet onto Taehyung’s lap, requesting a foot rub

Watching your pregnant best friend and her lover together, you turned towards your own, smile impossibly wide

“What?”

“Let’s have a baby.” You’d grin, so stupid happy

Jungkook’s eyes going round and immediately jumping up from his seat because god that’s all he’s ever wanted

Being tugged out the room by a giddy Jungkook, one of your heels flinging off somewhere behind you.

“What’s happening? Where are we going?!”

The two of you find yourself in a storage room somewhere on the hotel floor

“Jeon Jungkook, what the hell—“

His mouth find yourself, kissing you in a way that couldn’t at the altar

You kissed him back without questions, arms wrapping around the man you now called your husband

“I love you.” He’d sigh into your neck, his hot breath causing you to shiver

“I love you too.”

“Let’s make a baby.”

“Yeah let’s— wait, right here? Right now?!”

Jungkook merely nodding as his mouth found the exposed skin of your chest

“Meathead, we can’t just ditch our wedding to have sex!”

“Why not? We did our marital duties. Now it’s our guests' job to get embarrassingly drunk and make a fool of themselves on the dance floor. No one will even miss us.”

“Isn’t baby making what our honeymoon is for?”

“Screw that. I’ve done my waiting. Let’s start our family, nerd.”

Jungkook kissing your protests silent before you inevitably give in and let him take you right there and then, your wedding dress hung around your hips

Husband and wife coming together with shaky breaths and hushed moans as they promise the rest of their lives to each other, making every argument, struggle or moment of uncertainty leading up to now totally worth it

Walk of shame back into the party with nervous hair fixing from you and a proud grin from Jungkook

Yara figuring out exactly why you two had sneaked off to, flashing the newly weds a knowing smirk

The night of your wedding, Jungkook surprises you with a present

You unwrap it in confusion, only to see that it’s a glass frame and inside of it is the wrinkled and worn out lined paper the two of you had scribbled on many many years ago

Jungkook hangs up the contract right above your bed as per your request, smiling as he does and jumping on him the moment he puts down the hammer bc dammit it you’re too heckin excited to make love with your sentimental loser of a husband

And yes, by the next month, you are pregnant and incredibly happy

And of course, your daughter and Yara’s son grow up to be best friends, not a family holiday passing by where they aren’t told the story of the totally bitchin’ way both set of their parents got together

[creacherkeeper]

im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?

[godsofhumanity]

Rhea 30 day HCs

Hello its online tumblr noob anon who is very tired but finally mustered up the determination to do rhea's HCs lol

- i don't have many ideas for rhea's appearance and personality, but i feel like her personality before cronus's children eating shenanigans (lets call it BCE for Before Children Eating LOL) was similar to freyja's, but more mellow and less aggressive lol. But i generally agree with vans' interpretation of her personality. She was definitely a bit wild and mischievous BCE, bcos how else would she be able to handle kronos LOL. But she would definitely be less out of control and ambitious as cronus, although she liked power too. Anyway, for her appearance, the only thing i feel for certain is that her hair would be a dark reddish brown that is still distinctly red, to reflect her fiery potential, as she can be extremely determined and driven, almost in a steely way, as we will see after cronus eats her kids (ACE, After Children Eating)

- rhea and cronus definitely loved each other. But the difference between them was that cronus valued power, ambition and control over love and Generally Being a Good Husband and Father™, while for rhea, it was the opposite. No amount of prophesies and power seduction could convince her that it was right for her children to be destroyed. When hestia was first eaten, rhea was torn apart by grief, but she still stayed with cronus bcos she loved him and didnt want to give up on him and his potential for love. She kept hoping against hope that he would change, but he didn't. The more children cronus ate, the more pain and despair rhea felt. Ultimately, all the grief rhea felt accumulated to the point where it overcame her love for cronus. She realised that the man she loved was gone and all his empty promises were meaningless bcos he was entirely consumed by power and his hold over the cosmos.

- this was rhea's breaking point and her grief steeled her to be determined to save the next child she had with cronus, even if it meant betraying him. She colluded with gaia and uranus to hide zeus from cronus and and raise him. (Honestly idk what she would have felt towards gaia and uranus, bcos they were the ones who told kronos the prophecy that his children would overthrow him and caused him to deteriorate to this point, but yet they are helping her... I guess she would have felt conflicted at best, but with no one else to turn to, they were her best bet). When zeus grew up and decided he wanted to save his siblings and rebel against cronus, rhea understood that this would be the ultimate betrayal to kronos and was pained by this, but ultimately let zeus go ahead, knowing that this was inevitable and with cronus now so different from the titan she once loved, she knew it was time for the age of titans to come to an end)

- after all the fighting ended and the gods emerged victorious, zeus threw cronus and his allies into tartarus, but let the other titans such as rhea go. I think after the whole ordeal, rhea would have been fundamentally changed by everything she went through. She would no longer be the vivacious girl she once was BCE, but would now be almost numb to everything, after being scarred for so long by so much. After the gods took over and rhea was left to roam freely, i think she vowed never to get involved in anything like this again, the equivalent of "retiring from politics", if you will. I think she lived out the rest of the days with oceanus and tethys since they mostly stayed out of the conflict and were generally very nuturing and wise, being her older siblings (especially bcos im so influenced by vans' oceanus HCs... i love it). But i think she sometimes hung out with gaia (and uranus), bcos looking past all her conflicted feelings towards them, who else truly understands what she has been through? I think that despite everything, she feels safe and secure with gaia (and uranus), since they are the only ones who truly understand her.

- but i do think that sometimes, (if this is even possible), she visits cronus in tartarus, as a sad recollection of what they once were and everything they've been through. It's like the equivalent of your ex-wife visiting you in prison. Cronus definitely feels sad too, but he understands that everything was his own fault. Although he may have felt super angry and betrayed by rhea initially, after stewing in tartarus for so long, he would definitely come to understand his mistakes. All in all, rhea's visits to kronos in tartarus are like a mourning session for their relationship, for both of them. Ultimately the whole thing was a terrible tragedy for everyone involved, and nobody would ever be the same again.

Wow that was depressing

[blushbi]

reki kyan as an oldest sibling

at first glance, reki isnt exactly your stereotypical oldest sibling. hes rowdy, seemingly chill and carefree, and a rule-breaker (like when we see him skating in the halls at school). but at their core, rekis character arc and conflicts are actually driven by his oldest sibling characteristics: patience, protectiveness and responsibility, perfectionism and self-criticism.

reki is fundamentally patient and nurturing. in the first few episodes, he happily teaches langa how to skateboard from the very basics, knowing how to encourage him and not get frustrated. he is observant, paying attention to langas habits and adjusting his lessons accordingly. he also shows this when dealing with miya. having three younger sisters, he understands how to empathize with younger kids and easily gets miya to warm up to him and langa, undeterred by miyas attitude. his oldest sibling emotional maturity and interpersonal skills make him a lovable, empathetic character who knows how to make those around him feel safe and comfortable.

oldest siblings are often protective of those they love, feeling a sense of responsibility for younger siblings which translates over to other people in their life. rekis protective instincts manifest when he defends miya, for example, and are literally the catalyst of the main conflict between him and langa. langa wants to push himself by skateboarding with adam; reki thinks hes going to get hurt and tries to stop him. reki wasnt worried about himself before his beef with adam, demonstrating oldest sibling selflessness. he only cares about protecting langa. furthermore, hes the one who got langa into skateboarding in the first place. if langa gets hurt, reki would feel responsible, even though rationally, he should be able to recognize that langa can make his own decisions. his oldest sibling sense of responsibility morphs into a need to control what he sees as a dangerous situation (which it is); and being a control freak is also an oldest sibling trait.

rekis patience and sense of responsibility affect those around him, but he also has his own internal conflicts. noticing himself falling behind langa, he beats himself up over not being good enough, but only after he notices other people comparing them. before this, he didnt care that langa was improving so quickly; he was proud! and of course he would be, because he himself taught langa how to skate, as well as reki being a selfless oldest sibling. only when he receives criticism (albeit unwarranted and rude criticism) from others does he begin to beat himself up. oldest siblings often try to be the “easy” kid, recognizing that their parents need to spend more energy taking care of younger siblings. they learn to take care of themselves and not feel like a burden to the family. this can lead to perfectionism and being too hard on yourself. sometimes its a good thing; rekis perfectionism (along with his great observational skills) helps him design a perfect custom board for langa (also showing his nurturing instincts; he wants the best for those he loves, not expecting anything in return). but it also results in him hating himself for seemingly falling behind when langa improves dramatically. skateboarding is the one thing hes good at (which we hear his younger sister tell him); when his best friend and peer, who he himself taught, surpasses him so easily, he sees it as his own failure because oldest siblings would rather criticize themselves than recognize that some things are out of their control. in this aspect, rekis oldest sibling “responsibility” instinct to rely on himself and not ask for help, despite how much he gives to others, becomes a weakness. reki will need to learn that he doesnt have to be perfect, and that he deserves to lean on others the way others can lean on him.

tldr: rekis playful and outgoing personality doesnt cancel out how he as a character exhibits traits typical of oldest siblings such as patience, protectiveness, and self-criticism, which affect how he interacts with other characters and himself. also i love reki so much