#and fuck i cant seem to turn it off
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no happy points today (had a pretty terrible day, ill just scream into the void)
cuz listen - why is it so fucking hard not to run at the slightest semblance of something NICE
#mine#happy points#happy points that arent happy points#on one hand im excited for our little project but on the other im here like 'it will go to shit simply because of my existence in it'#so in my head im trying to leave before i inevitably fuck up and get casted out#which i dont want to do bc im actually excited for it and i want to do it#and fuck i cant seem to turn it off#and its gotten so much worse over the past three years#its the same in friendships and any sort of complex relationships#the moment a person starts knowing me i get so fucking flaky even tho i dont want to#and like i want the trust and connection and the other party deserves someone who isnt flaky#but goddamnit why is it hard i want to scream#like i either fuck up in the whatever relationship by trusting or i fuck up before it even starts bc i want to kms right when it gets deep#cant i have nice things??? like EVER???#the one time i didnt fucking run the person turned out to be downright awful#and i didnt see the signs until well after the deeds been done#how am i now supposed to trust#im not feeling very bonita today im not gonna lie#but i feel like ill fuck up everything if i get too close to anyone#and i dont wanna be flaky
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honestly i dont know how many times i can keep trying to like and engage with things if they always end up disappointing me so badly i cant like what came before it anymore
im not trying to center this around me or something, but im having a hard time coping with arcane doing it too (to me)
few things can catch my attention and all interests in media i have ever had fumbled everything later so badly i often never want to see or think about it again
its happened with transformers (prime specifically, i think the ending of season2? i dont remember everything but after the fucking new guys show up and it killed my hyperfixation on it back in the day), one piece (stopped since whole cake island and anything new i see of it only makes it more clear i cant stand it anymore), zelda (ahah .. totk, fuck that game, basically killed my hyperfixation on the franchise and im only holding on for some projects and cool people i met through it), (edit; how could i forget fromsoft/elden ring and what the DLC did.....), arcane/league (arcane, lore retcons, and now its ending, but it happened before it turned into a hyperfixation so theres that bit of mercy lol) and those were only my super special hyperfixation ones i still clearly remember im sure im forgetting some, its happened with movies and other series i gave a try too (even mob psycho ... the series i thought couldnt disappoint me ...)
i feel so bad about it, i feel like i am somehow wrong to dislike or even hate how media goes, and bc it happens every time i feel like .. theres something wrong with me .. theres gotta be soemthing wrong with me right?.. i SWEAR i do NOT find joy in hating or disliking things, it is not fun for me, i hate hating things, especially when i once loved them, even if it may seem like there is nothing i can ever like i am NOT doign it on purpose, i feel the same, i feel like theres nothing i can ever just like, and i hate myself for it .. but also cant help it, i cant force myself to like thingsi dont either, i just want to rip my hair out and cry
#ganondoodles talks#personal#why does this keep happening#i have such passion for things i like but i have become very wary of letting it out bc ... it always ends badly#and im proven right yet again#there must me somethign wrong with me .... some weird complex of not liking anything beyond a certain point#season two act two of arcane was my fav bc i loved vander and warwick and they did that rather interestingly#right up my alley#but the end of the act uh oh#and then they are just props .... i know that how stuff in stories works and its in part bc of how compressed the show was#but man both isha and warwick turned into such cheap props#and the ending of the season?? what the fuck man its so messy and inconclusive#.... sorry#im so tired of not liking stuff#i too just want to have fun and enjoy stuff#but it seems like i cant#.... off i go mindlessly playing stardew valley again ..#i hope i wont be posting more like this again and just shut off and come back when i got some shitty drawing to throw into the void
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i genuinely cannot stand being around ppl who have to take their anger out on others . i'm so sick of always having to act like the bigger person to my Older brother while he can just tornado around my entire life & belongings & relationships without warrant all over smthing that had absolutely nothing to do with you or anyone, rlly.
#but HE runs and tells on ME?#i was just going to let shit blow over#lock myself away as fucking alwys like when we were little and he would cuss up a fucking storm#screaming crying and throwing the shit i bought over being unable to beat a game he plays every fucking day#set on fucking Easy mode#and hes hitting a bat into the door or wrecking my shit in my room or fucking. yelling abt me to the fuckin dog#and in the 'dog's voice' making the animal agree with him bcs im? acting crazy#over a fcking video game that u cant even tell him to turn off or at least stop fucking screaming and wailing or else it'll just set it off#sooner#when dad did it he was fcking drunk and i was illegitimate#it's like i cant even fcking escape fcking hell.#hiding all my bad grades in math bcs i couldnt read a stupid fking number right bcs i didnt want ppl screaming at me#for causing even more trouble than they already have to deal with and just living as dumb bcs it costs less#ill get over it ill try harder#i always have to be the bigger fucking man and im so fucking tired of it#but how are u supposed to cut off someone youve been assigned caretaker as b4 u were even born#im so fucking exhausted#anyways so yea. im pretty sensitive to tone so if i seem like a baby to smthing i apologize#i rlly just. cant stand sme things sometimes#i love getting told i never felt like a friend to my other siblings not only bcs of our massive age gap but also theyre legitimate and#i dont drink or smoke so apparently we cant hang without them always checking the time on their phones#while im taking them out to smthing they like like it's so fun i fcking love it here#anyways yea. love zero comprehension or compassion. love it. loving my life
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i think human nature/family of blood is a really good two parter in how it manages to show how full of shit ten is 🫶
#look . i LOVE ten . esp whatevers going on w him in s3 he's horrible and i like that#but just !! martha :(#its so incredibly unfair to martha he doesnt unleash his wrath on the Family he chooses to hide instead and okay yeah fair#and sure u can say the tardis chose the setting and time period for them to hide in but like#did that not filter in to his calculations he went through all that turned himself human put his friendship with martha to the test in#the worst way possible. knowing she wouldn't let herself leave him even if he was Abhorrent towards her (and he was) because#of her duty to the universe and beyond and whatever . to blend in and keep the Family off their tails#and she's put in a demeaning position and degraded and even he doesn't seem to care much for her but she still hangs on#and then in the end its like its all for naught. all that pain and suffering martha went through being the only one w her wits about her#he had the capacity to deal w the threat the whole time he had the ability to dole out a horrible punishment he could definitely#have dealt with them a different way than that too .#and instead in his quest to be the bigger person he ends up putting martha through the horrors and then#does the same with the Family anyway ! i dont think he can ever tell her how harshly he dealt with them#surely this isnt an original thought im just thinking Way too much about blue moon by niki#he Does care more about being good than being good to her specifically !! and its so upsetting theyre so volatile i miss them#its more complicated than that sure but at the same time. it sort of isnt .#anyway martha jones my love my life u deserved at least a billion apologies alongside the thanks like god . whats wrong w him#oh and also he wants to move on without properly talking about it . act as if it never happened#like girl be fucking considerate for ONCE she just went through a personal hell for you !!! how insanely lonely she must of been#i dont believe martha ever let him just brush past it w no acknowledgement like yes i think she definitely didnt want to discuss the#accidental confession but i Do think she would sit him down to finally get him to Accept he cant just take her wherever in the past#if he's not ready to look out for her . its a vital conversation i think they need to have otherwise martha would just walk out there#not even love could make her stay through that its been established already she has the strength to try walk away#and also to try and but through his bullshit and demand answers . and here more than ever she deserves his acknowledgement and he Knows it
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ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut
#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear#but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it#so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me#and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked#then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly#and now my perm is completely gone lol#i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit#and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks#but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow#eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start#anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short#then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real#and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again#and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim#then i somehow end up with a bowlcut#it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend#but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind#like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed#etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top#so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there#just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm#and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out#and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy#'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day#mine
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I'm SO normal about her
#tko_art#FORTNITE NIKE GODDESS#i u h#i uh#im uh#this is the crazy thing i mentioned#god shes so#if u cant play a game turned on do u even like that game????#thats a joke#😔i just think shes really neat#her armors a fuck in the ass tho#how the fuck do i make something that has curves seem angular and hard like armor#goddamn#i should just draw her taking the gear off 🫣#just realized her eyebrows are fucked up#rah ☹️
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My new plan of action is to be more unapologetically me at work while still being work me because I am fucking tired of everything and my lack of fucks has apparently hit a new level so instead of fretting about that I am just accepting the damage periods of unemployment does to my personality (work personality? Ability to maintain said personality?) And going with it. If it works great. If it doesn't then they gotta fire me it is whatever I am not even pretending like I care to make a cookie cutter impression.
#i taught my boss's boss how to sneak alcohol into venues at the end of the day (she asked. usually i would be like oh idk about all that.#nah fuck it whatever i got you) but i also balanced it with explaining how working for promoters works because her teenager daughter has#some overlapping interests and i was like ohhh well let me tell you what she should look into when she turns 18 but some of them she might#need to wait till 21#so maybe itll be okay despite the hiccup with me learning how their pto police kinda fucking sucks and i acted like it could be a deal#breaker. but said maybe not i would have to wait and see.#which is true. i didnt fake it i went full “idk if i really need this job but lets see if i *want* this job instead* ya know yall seem like#great ppl doing great work 😌D#did send them into a panic accidentally at the end of the night like “thank you all for your help today and everything” and homegirl was#like leaning back in her chair like o#*like 🤨 oh shit? but no i meant just with training in general#should not have worded it like that because it did sound like i was about to be like “but this isnt the right fit for me so I wont be back#nooooo. whoops. lmao.#i realize this is from the accumulation of my personal flaws and my general abrasiveness but#they shouldnt let me start at new orgs this many times. they should because i sadly need money and a career but really.#i like to think my skill hard work and extremely decent attendance makes it balance out#but i do think i am like hi im here to ruffle your feathers because i do not have the attitude you are expecting as an employer in#(redacted) but it is gonna be like. just enough it might l#*piss some ppl off but not enough for others. but some of you will adore me. you probably shouldnt#but you will. in fact you may cry if i leave as historical proof shows.#and oh i will leave. eventually. because i fucking love leaving#but if you cant figure that out from my resume and took me at my word (fair tho) then that is on you#hopefully though this is okay and i can stay put 2-3 years and promote or transfer. their pto sucks less after 3 years anyways because#that policy becomes less of an issue#but idk. we shall see. they also have blackout months for time off. which like. i am also not keen on.#but like they do also offer overtime those same months so ehhhh#i like extra money but kinda also hate working weekends. so idk.#like is that a benefit? i dont know that that offsets it.#im picky because shittier employers in shittier jobs had better time off benefits so. like cmon now.#-pers
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kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
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ngl i think i kind of was a genius for being like 'yeah this character is a scary killyou cannibal scary killer who scary kills you' and then realizing that the way my worldbuilding works out is that there's a nonzero chance that if you leave literally any body parts over they can just come back, depending on what they believe in their heart of hearts can kill them. Of course she'd start eating her kills. She probably tried normal stuff first and then realized it didn't work and she had to try harder if she wanted to actually keep them dead.
#red rambles#im working on a character who i made up years and years ago and wasnt even happy with then because he didnt seem to have enough like#interior thoughts he was just like a guy who killed people when he was stressed and his life was constantly stressful and then he killed on#person too many and they were like 'this is fucking untenable and he has to die' and then they killed him#which is soooooooooo absolutely nothing honestly. Like it works as a barebones summary but i want to stress there was actually straight up#nothing else there. the entire rest of his whole whatnot was just being entangled with Haven who is a different character who at the time#ALSO felt unsatisfyingly lacking in interiority but at lesat he had really complex motivations and action flowcharts. that werent just 'i#get grumpy and i just go kill some random person with no regard for what the consequences will be and then i am so mean and i kill you'#now theres a lot more happening. i really didnt. like.#okay so i had a Backstory worked out but it was vague because i didnt know what the fuck he WANTEDDDDDDD right like. i had no motivations a#literally all except 'oohhh i kill people ooohhh i like killing people ooohhh im erratic i kill people' and the background i HAD was like.#Upper class scion of some rich family whose family honest to god just did not like him very much and also [gestures vaguely] i guess he#maybe kicked dogs or something and then he ??nebulous timeline meets haven and then kills his sister or kills his sister and very quickly#thereafter meets haven but i usually lean toward the former because haven LOVES convincing people to kill their whole families its like#cathartic for him because he would love to kill his entire family but physically cannot do it. but like kind of the implications of this#as far as i was concerned given this is set in the mid 1800s was like. ehhh he's getting away with this because he's rich white and male an#it pays to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions or w/e. a genderswap means that she'd be subject to a lot more scrutiny on basis of like#misogyny. LOL. and i already had the preexisting 'hates half sibling' (i genderswapped the sister into a brother because why not) and 'hate#parents' and 'parents strongly dislike her' and 'unsettling' and it worked nicely to start giving me actual fucking. Literally anything to#work with there. because it means that by going off with Haven she walks out of one situation where she has like 0 agency into another one#and like to be clear i respect anyone who is sitting around in haven's general vicinity for snapping and just starting to kill people. me t#but this works. SOOOOOOOOOO much better for real#im still working the kinks out but like also this means that she wins. she wins like multiple times actually. she comes closer to killing#haven than anyone since he learned what fucking species he was and causes him more trouble in the interest of getting the FUCK out of there#than anyone else has and then she fucking gets what she was going for against literally every effort haven could've made over ~five decades#get owned loser.#every time i draw her i cant help it i write some shit like PLEASE JUST GET DIVORCED on it even though i wrote the fucking narrative i know#it will never fucking happen and thats why she does all this shit instead#in another world she'd be like the wildly capable owner of Raytheon 2 or some other shit like that. like she'd never be a nice or good#person but she wouldn't be dead. god she could be in charge of a country or some shit. Alas. Please get divorced.
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sorry i just. need to rant for a second
#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting#he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries#and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things#these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit#and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance#like its been going on for a while now#idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn#one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality#like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis#but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude#super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things#like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO#also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it#and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that#but also something that can drive you forward#but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset#like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing#has anything to do with it lmfao#and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you#and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay#he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace#anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks
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hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#i think this is an autism related thing#but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in#like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about#and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but#it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared#this is specifically in regards to working#like having a job. like going to work#i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating#in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience#i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared#like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW#and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start#im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant#not even a full year of working#i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms#and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go#i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have#ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow#i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed#and im talking about each micro step inbetween#what am i missing#and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being#supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING#jesus christ#manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe#i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves#around me. i know this#i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i#genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive
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good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons
#go fuck yourselves like seriously what the fuck#im so sick of this#this is about the last two anons by the way. i havent gotten any more because i turned off anon asks#if you wanna know why anon asks are off blame those two assholes#seriously that stupid shits been getting to my head#you know why? because every fucking person around here (especially my mum) LOVES to criticise me and accuse me of victimising myself#literally every fucking thing i do is wrong around here down to my hair#all these fucking adults like to bully me about MY hair#fuck you if i want bangs I'll keep the bangs#literally it seems like they're just doing whatever they can to change me into someone else. someone they want#this fucking culture of mine is so shitty i swear to god#like they think that BULLYING you is people being honest with you#and that if someone's nice to you theyre shittalking you behind your back#(honestly considering some of the people i see i wouldn't be surprised)#and im not even doing anything thats WRONG either. im different and not one of these people can tolerate that#yeah my mum sent me a video of a goat with curly hair and implied she thinks my bangs are like that. in a derogatory manner btw#so yeah that's had me pissed and then the fucking anons were also making me pissed#fuck you I'm gonna be as selfish as i want when i post on MY blog#this blog is MINE#I decide what i write and how much i wanna shittalk someone who upset me to get my feelings out. if anyone wants to call me selfish fuck you#and you know what? fuck That Person too. they geniunely messed me up more than they helped me#yes. im still gonna talk about them. im still gonna complain because FUCK YOU I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW OKAY#I NEED THIS SHIT OUT OF ME AND IT GETS BACK INTO MY HEAD SO I NEED IT OUTSIDE#and fuck you anons who gave your unwanted opinion. if you cant say anything nice SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS#i was taken advantage of and manipulated#and apparently I'm the bad guy for small mistakes like excuse me#and then that person even told a friend of theirs once to attack me (over text) like what#i just cant anymore it needs to be fucking out#and im not sorry for complaining about this because this is my blog and i will complain on here. this blog is for ME. for MY happiness.#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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DOES HE HAVE ANY REDEEMING QUALITIES OR AT LEAST A SAD BACKSTORY I'M CRINE
no, LOL
#hes so short bcs hes kind of a play on like the 4'9 uwu baby protect me ocs who cant do any wrong#like his actions hold zero remorse or hint at any anxiety like#so i understand animals easier than people so his inspo was literally a lion#like he enters a place and rules it so he can be lazy as fuck and fuck (and yes hes a stone top to all these tall ass men)#it rlly reflects thru the gameplay too like 2k13 is so fun. u can rlly rule the world after like 3 games it's so fun !!!#he pushes people out of cars going 100 mph into a ditch bcs he wants to see what happens#he knows what will but he just wants to see what exactly will be the outcome during this time with this person & their specific attributes#he gets out the shower and collects the dead skin under his fingernails so he can scrape it off everyone on and off the basketball court#his only maybe redeeming quality is liking denver levins but only bcs a king needs his jester#hes cringe but free#hes the depthless guiltless toxic trope the canon rival love interest character turns into when the oc wants the canon couple's mans#but flipped#he kinda judt showed up one day in the league and started killing ppl (winning championships)#edgy oc who always seems to win against the canon except he doesnt have a sad backstory to excuse his actions & doesnt want one#hes just here to kill things and go home to his loving wife denver levins
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thinking abt linebeck’s coat. something very alluring about it for some reason. so im just gonna ramble about it here instead of in the tags for once
you can probably start a fight between the people who think it’s a coat and people who think it’s a jacket but i think it’s a coat moving on
the character designs are interesting to look at due to the proportions and art style so it is hard to imagine how long his coat would be but i think it would go down to a bit above ankles because i think that’s good. it’s a bit more dramatic a bit more impressive(?) that way and would probably lead to problems tbh
based on some of the official art i imagine that the stripe at the bottom might’ve been a late addition since it’s missing in the bit of official art most used to represent linebeck. tbh linebeck is inconsistent in very tiny ways in the official art but that’s mostly if you’re gonna be nit-picky or bored enough to notice
his coat is so good it’s simple but very recognizable and stands out among the other character designs in ph and its just. yknow good character design
its also surprisingly good for headcanons and stuff and because i mostly take a lot of canon as suggestion i have a good handful of headcanons tagged specifically onto his coat (one of which is the length of it ig)
i like to imagine that he made it himself. i’ve seen stuff where people write linebeck as being able to fix link’s tunic when it gets torn and i feel like the logical extreme of that is that he made his own coat. i think that adds a layer of. importance to it? it’s unique it’s solely linebeck’s it’s tied to him because he made it with his own hands and maybe it can represent something about him that way?
i like to imagine that in addition to the normal pockets one the outside he’s got a whole lot of little pockets on the inside of the coat, like so many pockets that he hides little trinkets or tools or things he steals in either to keep or to take back to his ship for whatever reason. some of the pockets have little flaps of whatever they’re called that can be secured in place with a small button to keep stuff in
he’s got like pencils and a compass and little notes and tiny figurines and cool rocks and feathers and all kinds of little things he thought was worth keeping around and due to that his coat is uncomfortable sometimes but if he knows for certain he’s going to be busy doing stuff he’ll empty out all of the pockets and only leave the important stuff so that it’s lighter and less uncomfortable. link finds his coat lying around at some point and is caught so badly off-guard by how surprisingly heavy it is with all of the bullshit he keeps in all of his pockets
i also imagine he values it a lot, maybe to the point of being really possessive and protective of it, not letting link touch it and if it gets torn or stained he shuts down and has to fix it before he can move on to anything else, and if he can’t fix it at the time it leave him kind of overwhelmed or upset until he can fix it. he has a lot stocked-up materials specifically for his coat to avoid a situation where he has to go for while with his coat damaged
backing away from headcanon territory, his coat is just a cool bit of character design and has just been lodged in my mind for a while. its cool and never brought up within the game (obviously) and i guess a last little closing thought is that in the cutscene where oshus teleports link above linebeck it kinda looks like his coat moves when he tries to catch link and i think that’s cool
#afraid of clogging ph tag so ill just tag this as#linebeck#character development not hiding in the tags this time#salty talks#this is how i talk on discord but i fear initiating social interaction so heres this#im in some kind if weird denial ever since that last totk trailer bc i think ive been lowkey constantly overwhelmed ever since seeing it#ugh. i miss linebeck. totk scares me and so does the fact that i cant get myself to be as excited as everyone else seems to be able to be#typing this was painful bc i turned off my autocorrect on my phone a while back bc it fucking sucked and now its like#man i am bad at typing on a phone holy SHIT#coat post thinking about linebeck helps me feel good. also projection he’s my go-to for projection when like anything happens#i imagine his coat as like. a comfort item to some degree. like it’s something he made himself and he’s had it for a very long time#like i have a comfort item or two of my own so its like. yeah i get how it feels to worry about it getting damaged or lost#so within the bounds of my ideas linebeck cares about his coat in a similar manner he does his ship. hes autistic abt both of them#his scarf falls into this category too but that actually has more actual backstory about it bc i can’t be normal about anything about him#still talking in the tags. oh well. im going to snap#i have planned a 17 chapter linebeck backstory. this is not related to that but i feel like its worth just. mentioning#i could probably make his coat represent some aspect of his identity if i wanted. like. maybe its a representation of what he really wants#i keep the coat in most au designs but the two au designs that dont have the coat are where linebeck’s identity is a bit fucked
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the xenophobia in genshin is crazyyy 😭
#likeeee within the own game world u have paimon being the stupid lil 'voice' of the player thats literally just used to say rude shit#that u cant even refute.... like the worst offenders is that she straight up says shit like 'theyre fatui u cant trust them'#or 'theyre eremites u cant trust them'#like thats crazy how the two groups we 'cant trust' are based on russians and middle easterners????#anyways i like this game but i have SO many gripes about random shit like this thats bad#some really specific combat stuff annoys me#like umm why does yelan's hydro aimed shot cooldown at a set rate when not fighting but not while fighting?? why not just make it the same?#or why cant shieldwall mitachurls take damage from behind their shields if u shoot them FROM BEHIND?? the shot literally goes thru them#it just makes using ganyu super annoying bc i use her cryo construct skill to divert the enemies so i can shoot them but with shieldwalls#they turn away and then i just still cant do damage until theyre attacking?? even if theyre frozen??#hashtag just combat mechanics that dont make sense#also why tf do you sometimes just randomly lose grip on walls ur climbing and start sliding down like ?????#i always seem to go off on the tags of my own posts and never in the post itself huh. i coulda just written all this#anyways this post inspired by zhongli story quest starting with - archeologist guy who paimon immediately goes OH NO A FATUI DROP UR WEAPON#like im sorry since when are we teyvats cop?also the dude literally isnt holding a weapon which he points out but the game still makes u go#'hes fatui we have to be cautious' when the dude is nothing but nice. imagine ur doing ur job and some random girl and her floating toddler#try to fucking arrest you for literally just chilling#anyways and then the dude is like sure you can come along :) for no reason when we were just a dick#bc they have no idea how to write meaningful/realistic npcs jesus christ#sure ppl are like 'who cares its a random NPC' i care its literally so annoying and doesnt make me want to play ur stupid game#also not to mention the pyramid quest in the desert where (worst npc) tirzad is like 'we cant trust these two (his bodyguards!!) -#- because they're eremites' and yeah its whatever disproven by jebrael and jeht being the most slayful NPCs in the game#but paimon still AGREES WITH HIM?? and at that point i was like ok so this sucks but whatever but then#as if that isnt enough after jeht joins the tanit later or wtv u have to go through a whole questline that literally ends w dismantling#their entire village?? its very much reflective of rhetoric like how jeht is the 'only good one of '''them'''' aka thinly veiled racism#like oh its fine because SHE is 'one of the good ones' no fuck you wth#and no having like 2 desert npcs in the archon quest be nice doesnt make up for some of the crazy racist shit they say in the sumeru quests#umm anyways. cant wait for fontaine where the number of characters with non snow white skin will once again be reduced to 0#because they're french right and poc dont exist in france :( /s#this is probably the longest rant ive ever gone on for this game i literally paused the game to type all that 😭
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ugh moment
#i hate expressing my mental state on here#but fucking god#im so genuinely burned out i have like 0 will to keep going anymore#i have to pull through another 3 months but it seems so impossible i am so exhausted#ive never been more disappointed in myself#i already gave up on trying to get into uni this year but i still have to finish school#i have a spanish final tmrw and im so fucking stressed i dont remember anything bc im#so burned out i cant study anymore#i stare at my notes and cant even read them#i always loved studying and now mere thought fills me with so much dread because its the only thing#ive been doing for the past 3 years with no brrak and it won't even pay off bc#my mental health doesn't allow me to keep on going like thie#even if i miraculously got into uni id probably drop out because i. need.a break.#yeah whatever#im just really disappointed and heartbroken that things turned out that way#but mostly tired#i still have to work my ass of each day just to pass and it wont even matter because i have to get a gap year#vent#ignore
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