#logically that nothing is happening ... idk . and its not Always that i know im being dramatic or that i know whats real and what isnt

[itsalwaysdark]

its so real bc ill be sitting and my brain will be like. *irrational thought* and im like Heh... not today... that thought is irrational and reactive and you won't catch ME freaking out about it. Fuck but what if its true *starts crying*

[suck-mein-pokeballs]

I should be a whole ass person by now I think but I'm just fat, skin, hair, and gore with a full time job

[elainsgirl]

the petty side of me laughs at how poorly all these gwynriel comms and posts are going to age. they repeatedly talk about gwyn and azriel being mates as if it’s canon, despite zero definitive proof and more proof to the contrary, and it’s hard not to feel secondhand embarrassment for them.

at least most elriels will preface their art and posts with “this is what i think will happen because of XYZ” or “this is my favorite theory” or even outright say it’s a crack theory; meanwhile gwynriels are out here with their whole chest saying “they are MATES and i can’t wait for them to find out that they’re MATES and nothing is more important than the fact that they are FOR SURE MATES and this is CANON because SPARK”

they are setting themselves up for failure at this point and it is going to make looking back at their old comms and posts physically painful tbh.

i guess it doesn’t help they don’t have any actual canon to go off of, whereas we do and can create from that. it would make me feel bad for them if they weren’t so toxic and rude about it

anyways, thanks for listening to my rant, happy elriel announcement year!!

Hey anon 🫶

Honestly, I think they’re just going to go on a huge mass delete and erase everything they’ve said about elucien/gwynriel. It depends on how serious they take the shipwars - I know some act as though it’ll affect their actual life whilst others do not care. Idk about comms, there’s beautiful art of both elucien/gwynriel however their theories/opinion posts? Yh. Does will not age well and give second hand embarrassment. I can imagine them rereading all posts wondering where they went wrong lmfao.

The obsession w mates its so…weird? Can’t just be me who feels this way. At this point - its not even about love or true soulmates. It’s a hostage situation especially in Elucien’s case.

I think the funniest thing about antis claiming gwynriels are mates - is that simple logic, Sjms patterns and literally acosf disprove this so easily. Yet they hold onto that spark and over exaggerate it to be something it isn’t. Which in the end will backfire when it’s proven sparks ≠ mates in every case.

Yeah see, when you’re working with 0 canon or very little of it - you don’t have an outline to work with. Anything goes which is why 1) you have so many different versions of elucien/gwynriel and how their stories will go 2) thats now how canon ships work. Authors who hint at a couple a book or two prior to them being canon will always leave an outline (don’t know the technical author word for it) so you know how this couple will turn out to be.

Like - elriel is the same dynamic and have the same theories or direction of the story no matter who the elriel stan is or which platform they’re on and that’s because elriel has an outline within the book. You know how they’ll turn out to be - Elriel is just consistent whereas with the other two - you have different versions of the ships heading into different directions.

At this point, Im just waiting for the announcement and the fandoms reaction after bcs I know the announcement wont end the shipwar but instead antis will change their tune and I want to see how far they’ll go to basically backtrack what they’ve believed and said for years.

Anytime anon 💕

Happy Elriel announcement year ✨🤞

[remcycl333]

Is putting my awareness on having it the same as feeling it real? I feel like I put too much pressure on trying to feel how I would if I had it in the 3d and that’s where I struggle. I want to manifest moving out and given the circumstances I need it to reflect asap but idk how to feel it real and not panic when the circumstances are all up in my face and taking a toll on me. I’m so sorry if that was a lot, thank you so much for being so patient.

feeling it real doesn't have to feel like happiness or euphoria! sometimes the feeling of knowing doesn't feel like anything. so yes, as long as you're aware of the fact that you have it in imagination, that's enough! i have a friend who manifested her sp, and she said that the whole time she was manifesting her sp she felt anxious about it every day, but she just stood firm in the fact that her sp was hers and it still manifested!

i went through the same thing while manifesting at first. like when i was manifesting my sp a couple years ago, the DAY before he finally reached out to me i was sooo anxious out of nowhere, constantly thinking about how i much be doing everything wrong bc it wasn't here yet, how i needed to start over, how it'd be days without anything, etc, but i'd just talk to myself and be like "no im doing everything right, i already have it, im good, this isn't gonna effect anything bc its mine" etc.

having feelings of anxiety or worry is not a failure on your part, and they won't mess anything up (unless you assume they will). i've read this somewhere, i think it was twitter but i can't remember who said it, but think about anxiety. it's not logical! usually you feel anxious over something that you think will never even actually happen, but you still feel anxious anyway. or i have friends who sometimes say they're super anxious and they don't even know why. i had social anxiety as a teenager and i'd be soo anxious in social settings. what did i think was going to happen? nothing, but i was still anxious for no reason constantly. and my anxiety never manifested, because even i knew it was illogical. it still hindered me in other ways, but it didn't manifest into negative circumstances in my reality!

re-reading your ask i realize u didn't mention anxiety 😭 but im still gonna keep all that in bc i still think you/other people will benefit from those anecdotes! lol

"idk how to feel it real and not panic when the circumstances are all up in my face and taking a toll on me"

in my experience, you don't need to focus on feeling it real constantly! i focus on feeling it real while im imagining, but during the day, i just shift my state when i need to. that being said, there's no pressure to be in the state of the wish fulfilled every second of the day! the main goal is to enter TSOTWF more than the state of lack, but there's also more states you can enter throughout the day! sometimes during the day you're neither in the state of the wish fulfilled nor the state of lack. there's such thing as a neutral state! so if you're panicking and it's hard for you to shift back to your desired state, you can focus on shifting to a neutral state. you can do this by trying to calm yourself down, talking to yourself, meditating, taking deep breaths, etc. if you need to just take deep breaths and think of something else that has nothing to do with your desire, go for it!

if im manifesting something on a time crunch, it always really helps me to just deep breathe and talk to myself, saying things such as "there's nothing to worry about, its mine, it's promised, everything is going to work out perfectly, my 3D is going to change, my inner man already has it and my inner man is me" etc.

i manifested moving out and this was very helpful for me! i dealt with very toxic, narcissistic parents and my family struggled with money for most of my life. sometimes my parents would be yelling at me for no reason and it'd trigger me bc i was manifesting living in my own apartment on my own. in these times i'd focus on remaining calm and staying in a neutral state. eventually it got easier for me and i'd be able to talk to myself in my head while getting yelled at, saying stuff like "im so glad this isn't my life anymore, im so glad i live on my own whew" etc. i'd also imagine that i was just visiting home and i couldn't wait for my visit to be over so i could go back to my own apartment again.

just remember that no matter what happens in your 3D, nothing can stop you from having your desire in your imagination. you moved out in your 4D and nothing can change that! it is fact, and all you have to do is persist in that face. you don't have to gaslight or trick yourself into thinking you moved out in the 3D. you just need to stand firm in the fact you have it in your 4D.

anywayzzz i hope this helps! i hope i answered your question i fear i went on multiple different tangents lol <3

[tacharie]

VERY LATE REVIEW ON EPISODE 8 WOW.

HEY GUYS SO SO SORRY IVE BEEN LATE BUT IM HERE… ROGHT BEFORE EPISODE 9 😭😭😭. guys but for realsies I don’t really have much to say for episode 8 cause I mostly forgot what happened. TIME TO BRING OUT THE SCREENSHOTS. As always, spoilers ahead of you have not already read Tokyo Debunker Episode 8, and these were written in the order of my reactions, so you will be seeing how my reactions progress. There will be no more spoiler warning ahead of this soooo pls don’t blame me DANKE :3

ohhhhhh ok ok I see this and I’m kinda not liking it!! They’re pretty and all but like… I hate auctions cause it’s like geez louise. I’ve read so many zombie manwhas where they start selling people at auctions and it makes me so uncomfortable now that I see auctions.

ANYWAYS staring off strong with my boy RITSU!! I haven’t seen you in forever my lizard looking friend what’s happening !!!

this bitch is no longer my friend. WHAT ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN FOR DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF US TURNING INTO AN ANOMALY LIKE DANG. Like Ik you’re all head first into work or whatever but geez Louise, part of being a lawyer is being empathetic to understand how to get evidence from witnesses dumb dumb.

why is this LOSER. Not listening to my glorious queen. Just because it don’t follow the charts does NOT mean that it isn’t plausible like cmon think logical here. Also, when he’s like getting mad at Taiga without actually talking to him, I can just see him shaking his fist in the air lmao. Moving on from him… ROMEO CALLED US :3!!

HAIIII ROMEO MY NEW FAVORITE OF SINOSTRA WHATS POPPING!!! Also, NEW FACE!! NEW FACE FROM ROMEO I THINK. He has an angry one all the time last time, but now this one is more like… concerned?? Idk MOVING ON!! Also, I’m starting to like Romeo and I really want to know his lore for now. Cause look at this:

Like who is doing this to you BBG!!! I kinda feel bad for him he’s js a lil guy sometimes :(

(NOT IN LIKE THE FANON MIDORIYA WAY BUT IN LIKE A he’s very pitiful sometimes)

Also dang what is with this tension between Taiga and Romeo bruh. Like they’re legit acting like exes. I DONT SHIP THEM DONT GET ME WRONG. But like… there was DEFINITELY SOMETHING. Especially since Taiga remembers his name/nickname.

Yuri and Jiro :(!!! I MISSED YOU TWOO HAIIIII!!! Guys they’re so cute lmao Yuri getting worried like a friend awwwwww… though I’m pretty sure it’s because Jiro is still his subject. ARGHH OMG 😭💕 “I was only there cause I was looking for you” AWWWWWWW THATS SO SWEET!! The whole vomiting scene was so funny and silly and cute of them I hope we see them more!!

WOAHHHHHHHHHH!!! AWOOGA HELLO 😍😍😍!!! GUYS THEY LOOK SO PRETTAYYYYY!! Dang Romeo hand selected them, no surprise there. They’re sooooo cute AND THE MC AHHHHHH SHES SO SILLY 😭😭💕💕💕!!!

“try not to be discreet” immediately grabs Taiga’s ear. Oh wow. Also Imma need Taiga to STOP WOTH THE KITTEN TALK. IVE HAD IT 😡😡. ITS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!

WHAT. NO. NONONONONONONONONO PLEASEEEEEEE SPARE ME WHY ME 😭😭😭. WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO SHARE A ROOM WITH THESE THREE LUNATICS. BRUH TAIGA’S PROBABLY LIKE A SLEEP BITER. UH UH I REFUSE 😡. You guys are rich aren’t you?? Can’t we have separate rooms pretty please. Also besides from sharing, I don’t like the idea of staying overnight. Cause they told us nothing!! We ain’t got toothbrush, deodorant, NADA. It’s gotta REEK in there.

Ok so… Romeo knowing the password is not rubbing me the right way. I hate it actually. Romeo please don’t be TOO sketch!!! Please please please I BEGGGG!! Also woah… I don’t like how it looks!! Like the AI is so obvious with this one PLEASEEE INVEST IN A BACKGROUND ARTIST. It’s not that difficult I promise you. The music is hella nice tho MEAH MWAH LOVELYYYY!! Also if you screen record a video with the background, you can see they added a shaky effect which was cool!!

alright Romeo. How’s you come up with the name. Guys he might actually be in some dark shit uh oh. Chat I think my fav sinostra character is cooked. Taiga pointing that out makes js confirms my suspicions. Like guys. Sighs. Also, I highly doubt Gojo teacher is gonna bail us out of this one taiga 🙁… he’s … NOT THAT GREAT!!

Ok so we split up anddddd… Taiga went to a bar. Naturally. RITSU, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM. Like, I know he’s not personally insulting anyone, but like getting compared to Romeo is bad?? I mean, I guess they’re kinda opposites so IG!! Gulping down Taiga’s drink is WILD LMAOOO 😭😭.

ok moving onto their little exploration, Taiga, leaves his three blind mice looking glasses alone. It’s actually kinda cute that Ritsu is so sweet for his mom. ALSO HOURS??? FOR GLASSES?? I thought I was indecisive geez man. And oh!! They found the mask right? NOT TAIGA SUGGESTING THEY GANK THEM WHAT 😭 WHY IS HE SHOOTONG THE PLACE UP HELLO?? WHY DID HE SHOW RITSU TO WHACK THINGS WITH HIS BOOK OMG 😭.. IM DEADDDD.

alrighty now our side. Romeo and queeny let’s gooo!!! Romeo scamming some guy is actually crazy lmao. But like, he knew this guy?? Then why is this guy acting like he doesn’t know Romeo? That’s … STRANGE!! Anyways, AHHHH THAT ONE ART OF HIM HOLDING THE PAINTING WAS EVERYTHING :(!! So sweet so cute!! Other than the fact he scammed someone but I digress!!!

“There’s only a handful of people in this world that know the true vale of things.” Such an odd sentence to add, that’s more of an inner dialogue thing but he said it aloud. Maybe he meant smth else by it but like IM NOT THAT DETECTIVY GUYS!!

Romeo please leave my Boy Yuri alone 😭😭. They got that little man stressing fr. But I wanted to point out a few things from their conversation:

-“ Someone’s gotten cocky” (Romeo to Yuri) The word gotten changed the entire meaning of THSI sentence. They knew each other before… from Frostheim maybe?? Cause we know both of them have personal beef from frost heim, maybe they both transferred but were once close back then. Sounds kinda cliche but. Further evidence: “I remember when you ran off crying to the grubby old lab, now you’re playing king of the castle?” So maybe not together, but just what kind of connection did they have? Maybe Romeo was a bully :(

BUT WAIT !! THERES MORE!!! “ha ha. Fine words coming from a has-been like you. Why, I hardly hear anyone speak of you these days. I suppose your accomplishments were only possible before you relinquished your brand name. Oh, I suppose it’s more accurate ‘before it was stolen from you?’ “. … WOW!! Ok!!! So yeah Romeo was popular, he was .. maybe forced out of Frostheim because of his family situation… or maybe bullied out of it. With Romeo, a lot of times someone mentions something being stolen from him, which is probably why he’s so obsessed with wealth. Their relationship is so strange, I need to raise their affinities to see more lore.

Aw yeah, my queen got the lobster and pasta she deserved for her dinner!! I’m so glad that we don’t have to sleep with each other bro like legit JUMPING FOR JOY 😆😆😆!!!

Aw shucks Romeo is being shady once more ; “ Just relax by your little fireplace and I’ll bring you a nice souvenir. I’ll bring you back that mask so don’t forget our deal.” PROFESSOR HYDE. IK ITS YOU. WTF ARE YOU UP TO. Why does he want that mask, why does he need a mask, is he doing this against Darkwick or for them? Guys I need answers like urgently.

Oh no. It’s Taiga. Everyone smile and wave. Bruh why is he talking to us like he don’t know us m. It’s us, your kitty patootie. YEAHHHH HE RECOGNIZED US!! PROGRESS GUYS!! Omg wait he might actually remember the train… HE DID !! HE DID YES 😭😭!! TAIGA YOU ARE THE GOAT MY GLORIOUS KING TAIGA. Wait but he forgot where the monster went. Man… can’t do nothing fr 🙁. Uh oh :3 Romeo caught us!! DAMN TAIGA BEING SO MEAN FOR WHAT. “We were just talking about how gross you sound buttering someone up” like dang. We think that, not say that. What power does Gojo teacher hold to control Romeo so easily… I don’t get it :(.

phew day 2, auction day!! Taiga sleeping in the ceremony is so real. WHY IS HE SO READY TO SHOOT EVERYBODY GEEZ. Oh!! Romeo comes busting in… AHHHHHH MY GLORIOUS QUEEN MC IN THE BACKGROUND SUCH A CUTIE. Oh he actually started shooting ok!!! Awesome!!! OH WHAT THE… THEYRE ALL GLITCHING. RUN MC TUN. DONT LET THE OTHERS SLACK YOU!!

Ok so they got to the exit, and they won’t let us out… AWESOME. JUST AWESOME. Bruh Taiga is going on some riddle shit JS TELL US PLEASEEEEE. Bruh. Romeo. My guy. My pall. WHY TF DID YOU HAVE SO MUCH TREASURE 😭😭😭. WHY WOULD YOU THROW IT RIGHT AT RITSU. RITSUUUUU GET YO ASS HOME!! Oh wait his stigma nvm. He’s chilling. That panel of Ritsu saying his stigma goes hard though.

AWWWWW THEIR DIRT COVERED FACES ARE SO CUTE!!! AHHH I LOVE IT!! Too bad about the mask and Romeo’s treasure but we chilling. OH WAIT NVM TAIGA GOT THE MASK!! YAYAYYAYAY!! Romeo looks so happy aw 😭. Oh.. OH!!! ARE THEY ABOUT TO KISS?? WHAT HAOPENED IT ZOOMED IN ONTO ROMEO’S LIPS WHAT HAPPENDD.

Oh we’re back at the Diner with Ritsu. WAIT CAN WE SEE OUR BOY REN :3??? BRUH WHAT. TAIGA ATE THE FUCKING MASK??? HUH??? Another probation is actually crazy dang…

Oh shit Taiga and Hyde. “Lay off Lulu” AWWWWWW HE CARES ABOUT HIS FRIEND. AWWWWW!!! Bruh Hyde is actually pissing me off bro tf you mean “The stage is nearly set” FOR WHAT??? FOR WHAT PURPOSE??? Guys 😭

ok so that’s that. Uhhhhh I might have skipped a few parts but this is merely going off on the deleted screenshots I took the time I read it. The only thing I do remember is what I was thinking on each scene. Honestly, not much was given in this one for like DARKWICK lore, except for the fact they work with underground connections as well as governmental. That’s actually so wild how powerful they are. I’m actually so excited to see more of Ritsu’s emotional side, and Romeo/ Taiga’s backstory, not just tightened but their personal ones too. Still don’t have Taiga’s unique magic womp womp :(. Hyde… is freaking me out a bit too. And nothing has been explained about why Hyde called Sho for a “special mission”. It doesn’t look like he’s gonna be a part of the next chapter too, so it’s making sho SUPPERRRR SUS rn. But anyways I hoped you enjoyed and I will make another one of these VERY soon for Episode 9 :3!! Ciao , until next chapter!!

[notblue-bandit]

anderssein. such a wonderfully descriptive word. feeling like theres something different or off about you, that you're not like the rest of the world. in a medical context, refers to a symptom of schizophrenia where patients report feeling like an alien, isolated from the rest of the world, like something's wrong but they cant exactly explain it.

i feel like this everyday. my knowledge of the fact that theres something wrong with me is informed by the fact that i can TELL that people are put off by me everytime i interact with somebody. like theres something wrong about me that makes other people uncomfortable and their subconscious picks up on it. like everyone else sees me as an alien. i can see it everytime i have a conversation with somebody. i can never feel present or like my interactions are smooth and authentic and real because im too hyperaware. i always feel like im putting on an act. like theres two different versions of me. the one that everyone else sees and the one i experience internally. theyre so immensely different and i dont feel like ive ever been able to let anyone else in to see "the real me".

but i know everyone else can. at least a little bit. their interactions are authentic, they flow, they speak without thinking, they share and express their emotions and thoughts freely.

im not schizophrenic but ive been reading scientific articles. there's something here between the lines about AvPD being on the lowest end of the schizophrenia spectrum. that its characterized by high negative symptoms like Anderssein. and low positive symptoms (hallucinations, delusions, etc) old studies ofc. but ive been thinking too much about it. maybe my symptoms are closer to paranoid delusions than anxiety. it cant be true that 100% of the time people see me as alien and foreign to them right. i mean logically nothing can happen 100% of the time like that. but its my reality so idk

[shdwtouch]

MUN MONDAY: GETTING TO KNOW YOU

Respond to the following prompts out of character, then tag others you'd like to get to know a little bit better!

ROLEPLAYER NAME: my alias is Puffin, folks can call me Selkie tho. both work, I use both, so I'm not particularly picky either way ! whichever folks prefer.

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: anything ! they/she/he, though I default to she/they.

MUSE NAME: I've got two kiddos, Shade and Kaey ! Kaey is my older muse, I've been writing him since 2012, while Shade is a newer edition to my collection of ocs. I love them both, they're both my literal children at this point.

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: Discord please ! tumblr IMs are just... I lose track of them very easily, probably because they're not like. right in front of me / always where I can see them. whereas in Discord I can keep track of folks and conversations much easier. in general, I just feel more comfortable discussing via Discord. its also good for roleplay, if folks are okay with that ! but yeah, Discord all the way.

EXPERIENCE: I have been roleplaying since I was... I literally just confirmed, at least 10 years old. I started out on forums. ever heard of Chicken Smoothie ? its a pet adoptable website, and where I really got into roleplay. from there I was introduced to tumblr by a friend, discovered tumblr rp, and... I've been here ever since. that was back in 2012; I was just about to turn 13, and I'm currently just about to turn 25, so. I've been here awhile. been writing and roleplaying for over half my life at this point.

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: I'm partial to casual discussion style roleplay, but I also really love just. writing. so. it may take some time to get me in the proper headspace to sit down and write, but its always satisfying to be able to. however, casual discussion style is more accessible, definitely. just easier and quicker. but I will always value writing and reading solid threads, solid interactions. seeing it come together, getting excited about it... its what I love about roleplay, and I wouldn't trade it for anything, even if other things are easier or faster. nothing good comes easy, or so they say, right ? idk. I'm old-fashioned I guess.

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS: oof, lets see. immediate dealbreakers: no trigger or nsfw tags (especially if there is nothing that says there won't be; I can understand some blogs preferring not to tag if its standard content), no rules or about, posting callouts and witch hunting behavior (ESPECIALLY if its just interpersonal or petty grievances, I have ZERO tolerance for this). pet peeves... I'm pretty chill. just treat me with respect, communicate with me like an adult, and we'll be fine.

PLOTS OR MEMES: yes ? but like, logically speaking... memes are more likely to happen with me than plots, cuz I'm slow and struggle with that kind of pressure. so memes are probably the best way, yeah. but low / no pressure casual discussion ? vibing until we figure something out ? sign me the fuck up !

LONG REPLIES OR SHORT REPLIES: another yes. it really depends, I feel like I fall somewhere in the middle. a couple short paragraphs is my default, but I know for some folks thats considered long, and for others still short. so. I'm dynamic. I'll admit that I'm wordy, I like fleshing out interactions with thoughts and actions when I can, so I would say I'm probably more inclined to long style. I know I've started a few short dialogue threads then ended up getting 1+ paragraph responses, so. but I also don't expect my partners to match length ! idc if other people write short replies, so long as I have something to build off of. "yes, and" rules and all that !

BEST TIME TO WRITE: when the world is dark and sleeping. or when the moon aligns with my medication and energy levels. so... mostly at night. I get a lot of stuff done in the dark of night; I don't feel like I'm being perceived by my family so I feel free to move around and do more tbh. less distractions, too.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: yes. not intentionally, but yes. Shade moreso than Kaey, but Kaey and I still have similarities. I think most writers bleed into their work somehow, and I don't think its something to be ashamed of. for me its. I write and create to cope, right ? so having characters I can relate to, that I can see myself in, helps me... feel better about things. like, if Shade and Kaey can do stuff then I can to ! plus, I won't lie, seeing myself in my muses also helps for introspection. I genuinely feel like I've been able to become a better person by acknowledging my similarities and learning from them, whether through interaction or otherwise. and, of course, the reverse is also true: I learn a lot about Kaey and Shade by exploring my own identity and perspective and how I interact with the world and others.

tagged by: no one, I stole it tagging: @triinitas @anishael @starlixir @asangel @p-aladin @bloodyarn @bloodtwin @elliscousland @kurjaks @never-surrender

[angelmichelangelo]

ohhhh raph gaining trauma from being helpless when mikey needed him most is just so heartbreaking. it lines up well with his trauma regarding splinter as well, being unable to accept the fact that there was nothing they could have done to save their father.

isn't it so neat that sainw leo says to raph verbatim "you know we couldn't [save splinter]" - as if in this timeline he has gone through similar ancient one therapy regarding what disasters he can/can't control despite the episode sainw happening before his ptsd arc? idk but i think it's so neat to imagine that he endured a different version of that arc in this timeline. he'd feel even more self-loathing and responsibility for his family when 2 out of 4 have vanished/died. damn.)

the idea of leo leaving first is so interesting because in some ways i think no, he would instinctively hold them closer, smother them even, until raph snaps and leaves first. but then you give the point that he thinks they could be better without him and... oof. depression does some really sad things to your brain, doesn't it? poor leo. the guilt and pts and depression would consume him even as he tells anyone who will listen that he did everything he could.

as for raph, i think he would just get so guilt-ridden and restless, feel like he was useless unless he was doing something more than whatever he's doing at that moment in time, and would maybe run away with the excuse that he needs to find don. because losing don was when things all went wrong, so by that logic - won't finding him fix him? (the twin dynamic between raph and don in 2003 has such a strong grip on me, the idea of raph being completely lost without him hurts my heart)

and mikey... poor mikey. you lose an arm and the grief your brothers feel over it is the tipping point that eventually leads to them abandoning you. my heart aches for him, no wonder he was so bitter by the events of the episode. all he wants are his brothers, and none of them are anywhere to be found.

OUAGH DUDE you’re like. looking right inside my brain on this it’s crazy!!! twin raph and don.. that’s. that’s so real they’ve always been my ultimate twins of all time ughh

yes to everything here ;__; leo SO wears so much responsibility on his shoulders.. it IS interesting to think about his whole ancient one training and how it comes into play here. i recently just watched those episodes and its like a breath of fresh air when he gets back from japan because he’s just. a little more himself again:(( and it’s like. OH. there’s leo:( but UGH thinking about that PLUS sainw timeline? double ouchie frfr..

and yeah raph absolutely would throw himself in harms way just for his brothers sake.. i think he would have made sure mikey was fully healed and able to take care of himself before he goes off looking for don.. :( he believes he’s better suited away from his remaining brother who grew up too fast to not want or need him anymore when really he couldn’t be further from the truth:(((

and of course they all suffer but mikey!!!! OHHH mikey:(((((( he suffers so greatly throughout. he looses so much and for what. AND FOR WHAT!!! imagine the guilt HE then feels! feeling as if his injury was the reason for the last of your family leaving you….. woof im in pain.

and to know it all ends with them dying anyway??? 2003 writers when i catch you…….

sainw truly is a nightmare universe. i love it lmao

[founditinsilence]

anyone else experienced massive anxiety being in public since lockdown started easing?

garden centres used to be my favourite places and always brought me a sense of calm; i've spent birthdays in them. today i tried going to one with my parents and only lasted 5 minutes before bursting into tears and having to leave. felt like my heart was going to explode.

i used to love a quiet weekend wander round a shop and i've been craving it for a while but the reality is i don't feel remotely ready, even though it's ""allowed"" now. i'm terrified that it's going to take a significant amount of time to get back to feeling comfortable around people. or that i might just always feel like this

[rawbins-undertale-blog]

hey there again!!!

might i slide in this fine ask box with another HC request?

if yes, then could you please write some HCs where uf and ht sanses and papyruses (seperate of course) s/o gets put in a hospital for a lil bit? you can decide what happened to s/o. maybe a bad heatstroke cuz its summer or something (totally not because its a bad heatwave where im living rn haha nope). idk, i just crave angst or hurt/comfort again from my fave skeletons.

if you're not up for this, its totally fine!!

thank you, have a chill day/night B)

- 🌌 anon whos sunburns arent stinging that much anymore B)

*Evil cackling* OH-HO-HO, yOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MONSTER YOU HAVE UNLEASHED…… I am an evil being who feeds off of angst and pain, and you’ve given me ample opportunity to make some of that sweet sweet angst >:-)))))))))

I tried to keep it ambiguous as to what you’re in for, mostly because I want you to be able to imagine heatstroke and me to be able to think “hahahah stab stab”! ^^

Also!!! The healthcare system in some other countries is fucking insane (like??? You guys have to pay to not die??????) so I’ll be going off of what I know about the healthcare system in Sweden where it’s free. (At least I’m 99% sure it’s free, except for like. Small things. For example, my antidepressants. I had to buy those myself when I was still on them.)

UF + HT BROS WHEN S/O IS IN THE HOSPITAL

Red (Underfell Sans):

He’s panicking so so bad, he’s terrified. What if you die?

Curses out anybody who tries to keep him from you, including the poor nurse who’s just doing their job

Actually he just. curses in general. He’s just spewing cuss words to seem angry instead of scared because That’s Definitely Better

Most likely out of all four to physically lash out at… well, anybody (except you obviously) lol

Red hates hospitals too, to make matters worse. He doesn’t know why, but they make him feel uncomfortable.

If somebody did this to you purposely and he’s not allowed by your side, he’s going out to find the person and kick their ass during that time lol

If nobody did this to you, he’s pacing and cursing and jfc Red, you do realise there are other people here right enjdjdjdjsjsk

This fucker tries to pull a “pfff nah i was never worried” but like. Red. Darling. Light of my life. Stars in my sky. Center of my universe. Bitch of my heart. Everyone can see right through your “anger” and literally your shaking voice is so not convincing. Get a better poker face and voice.

With some prodding, admits that finehewasscaredyou’ddieandhethoughthisheartstoppedforasecondwhichisweird’causehedoes’tevenhaveaheartanywaysthat’sovernowsowhocares

(He’s not great at expressing himself but it’s still progress)

WILL be staying right by you as you recover. You’ve no choice. (You do actually, he respects you and will back off if you tell him to)

Edge (Underfell Papyrus):

Oh no. Oh no.

Edge is trying his very best not to show any emotions but he’s not good at it because like. It doesn’t take a genius to see that him screeching angrily at people and demanding for the doctors to fix this is actually him poorly masking his fear. Edge doesn’t have the best poker face lol

He’s so pissed if he can’t stay right next to you the whole time. You’re his S/O!! What kind of bullshit is this?!

If you do need to be left alone with doctors and such things, Edge will do one or two things depending on why you're in the hospital, how bad what you’re in for is and for how long he can’t see you.

If you’re here for something like heatstroke - AKA something not brought on by somebody else - he’ll call friends and such while pacing and somewhat frantically share your current condition.

However, if anybody did this to you; and you’re in bad shape… Well, even fucking Satan will cower at the brutality of Edge’s revenge.

When he’s allowed to be, he’s by your side and - depending on why you’re in and for what - he might nag you for being careless, reassure you it wasn’t your fault, reassure you in general, and/or just stay silent.

It’s barely noticeable, but just noticeable enough, that you can tell that he’s shaking.

All it takes is a “are you okay?” For him to break and confess how scared he was.

For a moment he was back Underground and it was horrible and he felt so powerless and he hates that. He’s so, so happy you’re okay and he- he swears he’ll be with you on your way to recovery. Please just never get hurt again.

Dusk (Horrortale Sans):

If you thought Red and Edge were scared, just know it’s nothing compared to the absolute terror he feels.

Dusk knows how fragile the human body can  be. He’s seen horrific things happen to humans and monsters alike and he’s always hyper-aware of just how easy it’d be to kill and/or hurt you.

Logically, he knows you won’t die, he knows human anatomy well enough to know this is something you’ll bounce back from, but his instincts are going haywire and all he can think of are the mangled corpses back Underground. It doesn’t matter whether your condition has anything to do with broken limbs or not, because those pictures are what his mind is forcing onto him.

He refuses to leave your side. If he’s forced away from you by nurses/doctors/staff, he’ll protest but if he really can’t be by you for your safety, he’ll be anxiously hovering as close by as he possibly can. Whenever he’s allowed to touch you, he’s practically glued onto you.

If he’s sure it’s just the two of you, and you’re unconscious, he’ll probably cry.

He… He hates being reminded of your mortality. He hates the idea that any day could be your last. He doesn’t know what he’d do if you were gone.

(He’d dust, probably.)

If somebody else got your purposely hurt, he’s going to hunt them down after a while (after you’ve recovered enough for him to be comfortable leaving you alone for a bit). He’s not going to kill them, but he might rough them up a bit -- but most likely, he’ll just intimidate them and/or threaten them. (It’d be a different story if you were murdered.)

Whenever you’re conscious, he’ll do pretty much anything you say, so long as it won’t get you anymore hurt or risk stunting your recovery.

When you’re released from the hospital, he’ll be by your side nearly 24/7 because he hates the idea of you getting hurt again just because he wasn’t there to protect you.

Aster (Horrortale Papyrus):

Tries to look calm and composed, but he does about as poor of a job as his brother. He does better in that he doesn’t act out or get in the way of the nurses, but he’s also crying and shaking and sobbing and can’t stop.

You getting injured triggers him pretty badly. If you’re not bleeding, it’ll probably be “only” a bad anxiety attack, but if there’s any blood involved it’s escalating into a full-blown panic attack.

He’s a nurse himself, but I doubt he’d be allowed to work with the other nurses when it comes to you because of how unsteady he is. He’s not sure whether he’s thankful for it or not, because he doesn’t trust himself to do a good job but he also wants to be there for you. He trusts his colleagues, but it’s still nerve-wracking.

Just like the others, he’s glued to your side when he’s allowed to be. Very metaphorically. He’s the best of them all at giving you space, partially because he’s just more respectful lol and partially because he’s a nurse so he knows not to smother you with physical affection until you’re in the clear.

If somebody caused you to go into this state, he will just like Dusk go and find them. He won’t do anything physical, but he does intimidate the person very effectively. He’s a terrifying giant and he knows how to use that to his advantage.

When you’re fine again, he’ll be acting anxious and protective for a while. He feels really guilty about it (because he should be comforting you - plus, he’s a nurse! He’s seen way worse things on his job) but you’ll have to give him comfort. This whole thing didn’t inspire much positive feelings in him and it stressed him out a lot, it may honestly take more of a toll on him than it does you.

[ar1mas]

girl, you aint intruding. you are fueling, and im so into it.

because yes. a billion times yes.

eds a hypocrite. my son so dumb Eq 21. remember the "for some men, love is a source of strength. but for you and i it will always be our most crippling weakness"? clearly we dont give a shit about that! god hes so dumb. and so is oswald, because ed saying that was the thing that pulled him out his mother dying (pure soul, may she rest in peace) depression, and then a season later look what he did. yeah fall in love with the guy who said love aint a good idea, how smart (its almost like love has nothing to do with logic, not that ed would know). and ed? well, im cutting him some slack here.

because at least with him, his entire understanding of love was based off of a set path people take. american dream and all that, wont rant about it again after i did in another reblog.

his understanding of it - its all very mechanical. he doesnt get feelings. he cant. so when he confuses limerence and obsession with love, im like "yeah ok, makes sense for you."

but this set path also means that if by some defect hed fall in love with another man for example, he cant compute. if, for example, he falls in love with someone who did unspeakable things, not just to others but to him, he cant compute.

and the funny thing is that oswald is the only one who could change that.

oswald is the one who guided him. oswald is the one who normalised being a killer. oswald is the one who saw ed, who saw his potential. oswald is the one who unlocked that potential through his assumed death. oswald is the one who set him free again, after he took eds newfound identity away. its always oswald.

ed can learn through oswald. he can even learn feelings. it just so happens that oswald is very possessive about who he loves.

idk if thats why ed shot penn, or if he got jealous all by himself, i just know being surrounded by the guy who loved you and killed your girlfriend for it is prolly not gonna help with that.

the point is, when it comes to feelings. ed is a baby. he doesnt understand feelings, but by being around oswald, by loving oswald, he learns to come to a consensus anyway, one thats not muddled by the set path of love and life instilled in him since he was born.

the entire cause of the continuous bad blood between them - yes, oswald shouldnt have killed blonde kristen, but i reiterate: "the real reason."

the reason why they kept being enemies for so long. ed wasnt ready to let go of this lie. even after 3x15, after which - is blonde kristen ever even mentioned afterwards? i dont think so. ed literally doesnt care about her. he let go kristen, and after he 'killed' oswald he lets go of her too. because it was never about them. it was just about holding onto this lie, and he wouldnt even have dated blonde kristen if it werent for that lie (again, kristen is a bit different because with her it was the american dream + limerence when with the blonde version it was just the former). oswald was right. at some point, he wouldve killed her, and if it wouldve only been to move on from the lie, to finally be himself. because edward nygma, the true edward, the one oswald sees, would not look twice at someone like her. he only would because of the lie. so really, those years of being enemies was just ed denying himself when oswald painfully didnt, like they werent playing on the same playing field yet. they do now, and oh god is it beautiful.

onto oswald. he almost said the quiet part out loud. for me, understanding that line goes sth like this:

"we really are meant for each other." - response to eds line. makes no sense. ed talked about friendship and how penn "had to be stopped". meaning its a response to what ed said in the subtext.

"i accept you for the person that you are" - an egotistical bastard. a spoiled child. wants to have what he wants by any means, without regard to other peoples feelings about it.

"just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am" - someone who doesnt care about other peoples feelings. someone who only cares about his own ego, his own wants, his own compulsive rules.

"thats why this friendship is great" - you and i together works well because we are alike. because we understand each other. because weve painfully seen the worst of each other, and still we are here, in this room, together. thats why i want you in my life.

"perhaps, edward, we really are meant for each other" - you are a selfish child. i am a selfish child. i love you, jealously, and you love me the same. we want whats best for each other, as long as that best means that we are together. we deserve each other.

or in other words: oswald would only say what he said if he knew ed was just as possessive over oswald when it comes to the other men in his life, as oswald is over ed.

and oswalds laugh pre line is exactly what you said. like, wtf happened to "love is about sacrifice?" u so stoopid eddie. moreover, its a "wow you want me so bad its making you act irrationally. youre so dumb, and i love you anyway, bc i get it, im the same."

if you want more of the "you want me so bad its making you act STUPID" thing, i recommend this fanfiction. canon divergence in 5x11 where oswald leaves to save gotham and ed kidnaps him and puts him in the submarine so they can escape. its really good. heres a teasing line from it i love:

"no clinical deductions, no intrusive thoughts, just oswald."

beware, theres a lot of introspection before the funny part kicks in. shouldnt be a problem though, its so good.

- a rant

no because ive watched this stupid show 5 years ago, and i only noticed this now?? how???

ok. some context first. this is about fox' gotham, a prequel series to batman. or at least a potential one with slight changes. one of those changes is the relationship between oswald cobblepot and edward nygma (spelled with a 'y' for mayhap legal reasons? idfk its silly). whats their relationship like in the show? well...

theyre gay af. idk what to tell you.

okay so oswalds gay as fuck. edwards... ambiguous. totally ambiguous. he had a girlfriend or 2 and a half (kristen kringle, the-woman-who-shall-not-be-named (aka kristen but... blonde? this show is weird), and lee. not comfy counting lee, but technically shes one, hence the 'and a half')! very straight, much hetero (on another side note how tf is oswald the gay one, like i know he wears make-up and shit but eddies all about theatrics and showmanship and flair and hOW IS OSWALD THE GAY ONE NEXT TO HIM?? ok anyway).

so oswald was (is. be real.) canonically in love with ed, ed was.........., and 'penguin in love' is a piece of music composed by david russo for season three in which the whole "im in love with my best friend" thing took place.

that song has been used all over season three, as far as i can tell not once in season four, and once in season five.

.....or so i thought.

because yesterday, while in another obsession phase (of which i get one a few times a year. ive only ever watched the show once, in 2019, when it ended. still dream about nygmobblepot though. i dont dream about media, like ever, but with them, its different), i saw 5x8 to satiate my never satisfied craving of nygmob scenes, obviously skipping the main story bc i dont care about that straight shit. i got to the scene where oswald kills mr. scarface and frees arthur penn from said mr. scarface, after which ed shoots him in the head because thats what one does in such a situation, thought "aw how cute", again, as one does, and then realised.

what was that background music just now? rewinds.... oh. oh haha, its 'penguin in love'. how fun.

WHAT.

WHY IS THAT IN THERE. WHY DID THEY INCLUDE IT.

correction. it wouldve made sense to have it here. they used it in 5x5 for the speech about not backstabbing each other (wedding vows for murderers fr fr), so using it again after their relationship has solidified wouldve made sense.

note how im saying 'would have'.

because it would have made sense, if they used it when ed said "i accept you for the person that you are, just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am. thats why this friendship is great." they didnt, though. they used another equally heartfelt song for that. dunno what its called, it sounds a bit like 'penguin in love' but isnt, not sure if that one has a specific meaning like 'penguin in love' does.

so when was the song used? at 36:08 – 36:17. barely ten seconds, right before eds lines, right before ed kills penn.

...right when penn was sitting in oswalds lap because theyd been fighting for the gun and os fell on the ground.

now. the most obvious answer to "why in the fucking hell" would be because ooh this dudes on his lap so sexy, but no. no. 'penguin in love' is about one specific thing: love. the pure kind. the kind that makes you giddy with butterflies in your stomach, kicking your legs, while youre on your bed, writing in your diary about this guy you have a crush on. and oswald and penn do have history, oswald was more or less fond of penn, but not in love (i mean where would he have found the room in his heart if it was already filled with EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD martin my sweet boy EDWARD EDWARD EDWA-). im also definitely not thinking that penn was so happy about being free from mr. scarfaces influence and not having to kill oswald (oh yeah, the horror. who would wanna kill oswald, the guy with the big ego, who never does anything for anyone without some kind of endgoal- well, unless your name is edward of course) that he instantly fell in love with the guy. i can deal with the homicidal kind of crazy, but that? no. thats where i draw the line.

the next most obvious answer is that it was about oswalds love for ed. more believable, since its what the song was made for, but more believable doesnt mean believable. or likely. because even if i 100% believe that hes been loving this dude for so long its not something he has to think about anymore for it to be true, im pretty sure that itd be very random to suddenly focus on that when oswald was just about to die. so no, even if its what the song is intrinsically about.

so next most obvious answer is- wait. thats it. huh? theres no obvious answer anymore? everything else is brainrot? oh. oh well. its been five years, im sure its too late to worry about it now. what the hell.

im sure you know where im going with this. or maybe not. honestly idk what the fuck im talking about-

youre smart. you know what im about to say. if it wasnt about what oswald was feeling because he was otherwise preoccupied, and it wasnt about penn because that makes no fucking sense, then who was this song used for? who else was in the room?

...oh.

YOU.

YOU FUCKING IMBECILE. YOU STUPID DENSE PIECE OF-

inhale, exhale. no. don’ get mad, you know he cant help it. you know hes totally helpless when it comes to emotions. just breathe. ok.

i hate him. i hate him so much.

if the song wasnt for oswalds sake, it was for his. because i know hes in love with oswald, but does ed? does the producers??

'penguin in love' is about oswalds love. its about his love for edward. its about their love, their relationship. its about edward just as much as it is about oswald.

a-fucking-PPARANTLY, I DIDNT KNOW THAT!! I JUST THOUGHT OH YEAH OZZY BE THE GAY ONE HAHA FUNNY, I DIDNT KNOW IT COULD BE ABOUT ED DIRECTLY!!!

(why am i like this? what is my life? i will never be normal.)

ed has always been the obsessive one. first kristen (and the woman who shall not be named is just an extention of that ofc), then oswald, then lee. and as weve seen with kristen, when hes obsessed with someone, he can become possessive. absolutely not on the scale oswald is on, but still. theres a wee bit of jelly there. oh you have a boyfriend? better get rid of him! oh you wanna run away from me bc i murdered your boyfriend? better keep you right in place and- oh shit did i kill you? ono D:

this is a huge oversimplification, but you get the point. its there. or at least it has to be there because why else do you get so angy that someone is sitting in the lap of your just friend because they were fighting and they ended up in that position totally accidentally? like thats not normal behaviour, for anyone, unless you have possessive tendencies.

i mean its not like penn was a threat in any way. "he wasnt the threat, the dummy was the-" like i understand ed told penn about the submarine which was supposed to be a secret, but come on, like they couldnt make sure penn wouldnt say anything. so why would ed shoot him? its not even like penn was a random dude where that type of thing would be very inconsequential, oswald knew him. hed worked for oswald, and like i said, oswald was more or less fond of the guy. penns just a poor little meow meow, y u kil him eddie? 🥺

unless this fondness was part of the problem. unless ed saw how happy oswald was to see him, got annoyed but let it slide, then used penn attacking os and knowing about the sub as an excuse to kill him. and why would oswald being happy to see penn be a problem to ed? it wouldnt be. it wouldnt be, unless ed thinks oswald is his.

which makes sense. i know im calling him names and calling him out, but like. oswald told him he loved him like 5 times 2 years prior, i dont blame him for believing that maybe theres something to it (especially since that was the point of 3x14, oswald really being in love with him and surprising himself with it). but i thought ed didnt feel the same way? because hes very hetero? because he had a full-on girlfriend before, twice, technically? because-

"the truth is oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck. even me."

"like i said! you will always fail, because youll never change."

hm. i know this is a bit off topic, but i just got a war-flashback and... why did ed sound so hurt when he said that? "youll never change." "you would sacrifice anyone. even me." why does he care? they were friends, best friends, yes, but why does he sound like a heartbroken wife who just found out her husband cheated on her again? why does-

"honestly you deserve this. you are opportunistic, your loyalty is.. shaking, at best, and you will hurt anyone, anyone, to get what you want."

"and yes, i was not a good friend. to you or anyone. its why im alone. but i saw you for what you are and i valued that!"

...why would edward nygma, the man who literally said "i dont love you" to oswald, be jealous of even the idea that maybe penn could have something going on with oswald? and why would he act on it if hes usually so careful to not reveal his feelings (unless its about kristen. the original obsession, the american dream, the just be normal, show them you are normal, and people will accept you)? he wouldnt.

unless oswald just told him that he knows he messed up. that hes sorry for it.

and unless that made him think that maybe theres a chance.

"love is about sacrifice. its about putting someone elses needs and happiness before your own."

"you gave up your revenge for me?"

a chance... for what?

"life begins anew."

"shall we get to work?"

and if theres a chance, hes not about to risk losing it. not this time.

so maybe 'penguin in love' is about more than just oswalds feelings. maybe they were trying to tell us that, yes, we see you traumatised gay kid, were sorry this is all we can give you, but here you go, eds in love with him too, but don’t tell the channel. subtlely. just for barely ten seconds. and maybe it can be enough.

nope, it wont be. im gonna sit here crying about the injustice of not having them kiss on screen in the finale as was originally intended for the rest of my life. seriously though, what is this, nbc's hannibal, where im noticing something new details every single time i watch the show, causing me to spiral? no, i was already spiralling. the spiralling was the reason i rewatched the scene. the scene simply made it worse.

so yeah, im done freaking out about a mediocre show that was cancelled 5 years ago and is honestly not worth anyones time (like, its ok. it might even be better than i remember since its been so long. i doubt it. but its ok).

tl;dr: ive only now realised that a specific gay song plays in a specific episode of a show i watched 5 years ago and the only reason theyd include it in the episode is if the dude that was not canonically in love with the other dude was in fact gay, they just werent allowed to make it canon, so they added the gay song to subtlely tell us about it.

have a wonderful day, hellsite. dont do what i did and go crazy about fictional gay people. i know you will though, that’s why im here too. i hate gay people. these two make me homophobic so bad, i wanna gauge my eyes out and skin myself-

[midyearflowers]

major scarlet/violet spoilers below

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so i finished the main story yesterday and man that was really good. i absolutely love the subversion of the AI trope. usually in stories with AI its the AI that goes rogue, but this time it was the human that was moving forward and damn the consequences. like its always "the AI has no emotions and cant feel love therefore it doesnt care about human life and will do whatever" but this time the AI didnt actually need any of that to do the right thing. like i loved the whole "there is no logical reason to allow such a tragedy to occur", its so refreshing to see in a narrative honestly. like i am all about stories where love prevails and power of friendship yada yada, but sometimes its important to acknowledge that sometimes those things make us do bad things or overlook certain misdeeds. its getting the other side of the coin and it was nice to see

especially with how at first the AI was acting even though it believed it would be destroyed, it still knew that the time machine was far too dangerous and needed to be stopped. it did get a sort of "happy ending" with going to the past and getting its own adventure, but it had no way of knowing that would happen. it was fine with being destroyed or erased. reminds me of grovyle from the mystery dungeon games. working towards a better future even if you wont be part of it

and while i wasnt too clear on the timeline of when the original professor died, i almost felt like the AI cared more for Arven than the OP. like im no parent but even i know housing an unfamiliar creature of great power with your newborn is asking for a bad time. as much as death is not great when its before old age, at least it got the professor and not the, yknow, innocent child who had no say in the arrangement. i really feel for Arven cause its like, yea the professor was a famous genius, but no, their work was NOT more important than their actual literal child. why have a kid if you dont even want one? itd be different if they included him in their work as like an apprentice or something, but they literally just fucked off to the center of the earth and then never spoke to or emailed him again after a while. at least he knows the truth now and can move on and heal. im glad the AI at least told him they were proud of him and allowed him to have that closure. it said that his parent truly did love him, but i almost wonder if that was the AIs feelings after time and not the originals. or how the OP started but as they became consumed by their dream that faded. idk i just wanna tell Arven its ok, its not his fault and theres nothing wrong with him, his parents actions arent on him. i hope in time he can recognize that koraidon/miraidon are also victims of the OP and they can move on together

[pacifymebby]

Not an ask but I love how you and B are the perfect companions/partners/lovers. The way you talk about him is so romanic. Tell us your secret to love haha?

Aw bestie this is cute <3

I mean we're not the perfect couple, we do argue sometimes and its not always easy but i guess we do have a very calm and lovely little relationship.

I think a lot of it works just because we're well matched? Im a very anxious, over-thinker who struggles to stand up for herself. Im one of those vague wishy washy creatives that gets dubbed "too empathetic" and B is a very sturdy and earthy kind of boy, hes a logical thinker and although he has empathy he doesnt let people take the piss/knows how to stand up for himself. Like our differences make us fit together like a little jigsaw.

Hes also just really really kind and warm and like, just a really lovely boy. Wouldnt hurt a fly (litterally will not hurt any living creature, when he gets rid of spiders for me he picks them up so carefully and has whole conversations with them whilst hes taking them outside. He'll even pick a perfect spot to put them down as well) he a very pure man i guess haha.

I phoned him the other day when i was feeling super anxious and the minute i heard his voice i just immediately calmed down it was like a wave washing over me. And when i told him he couldnt even understand why he was just like "oh... Thats good im glad.." now every time he answers the phone he asks me "did it happen again?" like hes really proud of the fact its so cute.

Idk though i think relationships have to be about friendship and mutual respect, nothing is better than feeling both loved and respected, knowing someone cares about you in that way is very important and i think the only way you can have a healthy relationship.

I think sometimes falling in love with your best friend is actually the right thing to do and very much worth the risk.

This is definitely the happiest healthiest relationship ive ever had and i think its because the physical and sexual attraction came when we'd already been friends for like 2 years.

Idk, i guess some of its just nature and how we are, and i do kind of believe in soulmates and that everything in my life was leading me to meet him... But then also staying together and maintaining a loving relationship is about persevering and sticking it out through difficult patches.

B puts up with a lot of shit because i am very much not mentally well, and we do have differences of opinion/temperament and like expectations sometimes. So we both have to be determined you know?

Like i think maybe being determined to love is something important?

Sorry i feel like theres 0 advice or insight here and just me talking about how lovely B is haha

[dreaminginvelaris]

hiii gigi! i just started following u cause i recently entered the acotar fandom (& finished all the books) and i have a ~thought i wanted to share with you since you are the resident feyre defender lol! (i am also a massive feyre stan, but i think i might have an unpopular opinion here about the IC/Rhys in acosf)

i know its super divisive in the fandom whether it was ok for the IC/Rhys to keep feyre's pregnancy danger a secret from her— but when i was reading acosf i didnt have the sense that it was "wrong." i didn't read it like they didnt think she could "handle" the news or that they were babying her. i read it more like they were fucking terrified that the stress of telling feyre that her, her baby and her mate have a 90% likelihood of dying would... essentially speed up the process.

we're told by madja that its a "high risk" pregnancy - no magic, eg. and i think people forget a lot that pregnancy is fucking HARD on the body— women can absolutely miscarry from stress. so i think the IC/Rhys were panicked that telling her such a horrifying thing could cause a miscarriage and essentially kill her (and rhys).

idk... am i completely wrong? im so torn on this because obviously she didnt freak out and miscarry when she was told about it, so all that worrying was for nothing. but i really just didn't read it as out-of-character/problematic. it read more as their immense love for her and determination to make the pregnancy as smooth and seamless as possible was what motivated them all. what do u think?

hi ! :)

first off, just wanna say sorry for answering late! i appreciate you taking the time to come and ask me a question, it may take me some time to form a response but i’ll always answer you <3

————-

i think your interpretation and what you make of the situation is totally valid. you’re right, its not that they were babying feyre, they were just worried any level of stress would be a major strain on her body. which is valid considering she couldn’t even use her magic without risking her health and her babe.

their intentions were honorable if not misguided, i personally am mad at all of them for keeping this secret from her, but i also cant fault them that much for being scared and anxious of what would happen to feyre. its not surprising that their rationality and logic flew out the door the second they realized feyre would die. their emotions were heightened and they made a decision based on emotion not logic.

this whole situation was a mess, i think peoples own interpretations are valid in their own way bc its more so on what one thinks is right or wrong. for some, what the IC+nesta/elain did was not the worst but for others it was inexcusable.

but i agree with what you said, their immense love of feyre and wanting her to stay happy during her pregnancy (which is supposed to be filled with happiness) is a major factor of what influenced them to do what they did.

in the end, they were stupid idiots to have kept the information from feyre bc ofc feyre would ignore her fear and stress in order to protect her child, i wasnt even surprised, she is baddie after all <3

i hope you love being in the fandom! i hope my blog continues to be a safe space for you to ask anything! this fandom can be very toxic and hateful, on every side, but it can also be so great! i hope your experience in this fandom goes great :))

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

(btw this is about a dumb toh au. im jst giving basic info. prepare for a long ass ramble.)

i still think about that one video where awsten knight says that he asked dallon weeks to record background vocals for "fruit roll ups" and i dont know why but ive always been trying to incorporate waterparks into an toh au. as it being my favorite band-- and like ykkkk with every era waterparks does, awsten dyes his hair the color that the album corresponds with.

hes done green and purple. but the purple era came before green. what does his name rhyme with? oh right. amity blight. awsten knight. yk yk.... anyway.

dallon who is idkhow... and this was before the whole scandal happened unfortunately but in this silly idea i literally have hunter and luz in a silly little band called something else but its basically idkhow's music because it feels hunter-coded(???). like idkhow's razzmatazz album feels "Bi boy depressed theater kid" and i cannot explain that but yeah.

"IM A TEENAGE BEAUTY QUEEN OF SORTS" <- him coded. idc. shut up.

but basically, like its luz and him in idkhow tinfoil band. vee being there on the sidelines being a helpful photographer (I FORGOT WHAT SHE DOES BUT ITS LIKE THE SIBLING TRIO.) and basically the three work a dead-end warehouse job (projection lmao) and then go to Eda's bar after work on little sleep to perform at her open mic every other night when she hosts it. luz being the drummer n stuff. because they have a dream and like theyre SUPER passionate about it.

waterparks- irl meanwhile between their second and third album (entertainment and fandom) had a shitty ass thing happen with their record label where they literally stole the rights to their masters.

^ so that feels philip wittabane coded to me in my idea. he would steal record label masters.

somehow raine is a host of the label that amitys (the "waterparks" band) band then goes to sign with after. with a lot of time between. (of course, theres a bit of adjustment there because the entertainment era was purple hair and fandom was green so it wouldnt in theory work 100% with amitys canon hair with that logic BUT HEAR ME OUT--). so, in a meeting amity miraculously finds herself at Eda's bar (fine timing because guess who's preforming teehee-) and like "oh wow shes pretty cute i suppose-" then somehow after the mic closes, she goes to talk to luz for a bit.

and while still really directly unsigned amity wants them to open for her band (again- amitys band but in waterpark's tinfoil coding. its her, gus, and willow).

MAYBE amity overhears luz humming while on tour. MAYBE she asks her on tour why she doesnt sing ever and why hunter sings instead. so like a bit of back-and-forth vibes but it goes on to amity indirectly "accidently" writing a song about luz because whoops.

(btw its telephone if you even ask. telephone by waterparks is so themcoded. i will not debate that. its sappic coding.).

and then like- "kiss goodnight" by idkhow (listen. i will fight anyone who says thats not THEIR song. THAT IS THEIR SONG TO ME. ITS CANON THAT ITS THEM CODED). anyway luz writes "kiss goodnight" as a response unironically. and its just those gay fucking vibes. like idk what to say here. its them being like "yes but does SHE like me???" meanwhile those bitches are literally writing songs about one another without like them being like "oh shit thats... about ME???" oblivious as its finest.

so like... yeah. later on amity asks luz to send her some harmony samples for fruit roll ups, and she objects and is like "why dont you ask my brother???" and amitys like "i want YOU to do it."

blah blah blah anyway luz and hunter get signed (i know nothing about record label shit but basically raine takes them on.) and yeah luz and amity get together.

im not too sure.

its so DUMB but like i cant fucking EXPLAIN.

im sorry but like rn im having such brainrot of an idea i thought of months ago while looking up band au stuff. and like i know for a fact that it will make sense to literally no one because of how random my brain is but fuck it. my blog, my rambles.

i will probably never write it too, but hold on. im going to ramble about it in a sec when my laptop loads. i NEED to convey how hyperfixated on this weird brain stew i am.

[ahwait-no-yes]

Let’s talk about if Saihara hated Ouma

So lately I’ve actually seen a bit more comments on how Saihara doesn’t actually like Ouma and people have gone as far as saying he hates him and idk why people genuinely believe it so here I am about to refute that (I’ve been waiting ages to make this post just so you know so this came out as a horribly unstructured ramble more than anything oops)

some notes beforehand:

I have an obvious bias as I do ship saiouma. although i’ll try to be neutral on what I say here, I can’t hide my bias. I have tried to include what people that hate this ship believe to counter them though, also if you ship other things that’s totally fine?? don’t think of any of this as an attack at your ship and I’m not saying Saihara loved Ouma, I’m just tired of people saying Saihara hated him.

You’re allowed to respectfully disagree as long as you don’t berate me or say I don’t know the game when the majority of the screenshots in this are from my own gameplay, lmao. 

and massive whole-game spoilers! Don’t read this if you’ve not finished DRV3!

Glad to know you made it under the cut! now I can begin with where I think people got this idea that Saihara hates him from- the infamous “You’re alone Kokichi and you always will be” line.

I admit this was very cold and still breaks my fragile saiou heart, but to base Saihara’s entire perspective of Ouma on this one line he said while he wasn’t thinking straight is just.. no.. It’s unrealistic. we’ve seen how Saihara is able to adapt his views and grow (I’ll come back to this later), he’s not stubborn in this regard like Momota or even Ouma is, so even if he did mean it 100% (which I doubt because when *anybody* is angry they will say or do things they may regret had they been calmer), it’s not like his view on Ouma from chapter 4 was his final view on him. And that’s what people fail to realise. 

So, how does Saihara view Ouma then?

well, I’d say he’s been interested in Ouma as a detective from the moment he met him with his curiosity piqued at Ouma’s claims of leading a secret organisation.

and he remains curious about Ouma throughout, always questioning why Ouma says certain things, what Ouma is lying for, he just wants to figure him out- and this doesn’t just apply to free time events either

I think you get my point there, now, I think if I didn’t ship saiou and read this, I’d argue these are all pre-chapter 5 and before the breaking line so he may have been curious before but not after- that then brings me to my next point

Saihara was confident- dare I say believed- in Ouma, especially after Chapter 5.

how bold of me to say ikr, but this ties in to Saihara’s ability to adapt his views. He’s sort of like a mixture of both Kaito and Ouma honestly, because naturally as a detective he has to be suspicious and think logically as Ouma does, while at the same time Kaito taught him to believe in his friends which has also helped him to advance in trials. I think he might have extended this belief to Ouma, because he trusts that Ouma is doing what he does for a reason.

In fact, I’d argue he’s the only one of the remaining group who wouldn’t readily accept pinning Ouma down as a villain. If anything, it’s the opposite- Saihara fought to clear Ouma’s name, and never stopped trying to understand whether or not his intentions were true or false

i’ll just drop this screenshot here (that i named THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY.png in case you were wondering)

this is what I mean when I say he wouldn’t accept it as fast as the others and would second-guess it, bear in mind this is the moment Ouma “admitted” to being the mastermind. and it’s not like this doubt was sudden or anything, cause I can recall this moment (that I actually didn’t catch on to on my first playthrough)

which gives me the idea that hadn’t Ouma purposefully messed with everyone and built up his bad reputation, it would’ve been so much easier for Saihara to disprove him being the mastermind at the point he said it. 

Anyway, going back to my point- excluding Kaito (cause Ouma directly told him), Saihara is the first to bring up Ouma’s innocence, and this is what I mean when I say Saihara believed in Ouma

note that I say believed in. believing Ouma and believing in Ouma are different, it’s like how loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things, so don’t argue that by saying “he didn’t trust him” because ik that and that’s not what I’m trying to say.

but he did believe that Ouma had his reasons, and he tried to discover and understand them. I mean, take this for example

he’s already on board lool look at him go, but no really look at the confidence

he’s both confident in himself and in Ouma not lying here, then goes back to being curious about his intentions

oh and let’s not forget who it was that searched Ouma’s lab to find clues to prove he is a remnant of despair. Why do you need to search for evidence for something you (and the others even more) think is irrefutably true? the answer is obvious- he was doubtful of it from the start, and needed evidence to convince himself it was true, but then as he found nothing to prove it (and even evidence against it), he had to convince the others of it too- and prove Ouma’s innocence

(the last screenshot was from Hikkie’s playthrough on Youtube) 

But as you can see, he’s clearing Ouma’s name as the leader of the Remnants of Despair. 

Now, I bet someone would argue that this only proves Saihara was determined to find the truth in general, because he’s mister detective, so I’ll raise you the fact that Saihara didn’t need to try figuring why Ouma does the things he does- he could leave it at just knowing the truth and if he really didn’t like Ouma like people say then there’s not much merit to it. 

“So what if I know this now? I didn’t care about him, it’s pointless” he could’ve thought something like that, but no

(I also think the “you’re lying again kokichi, there’s a method to your madness” moment fits here too)

Not only this, but there’s also how Saihara learnt from him.

honestly im still kinda mindblown from this ever since I first realised it, but when you think about it, Ouma hinted to Saihara in his FTEs how to win the game.

(those 3 screenshots are from justonegamr’s kokichi’s FTE video; random fun fact this was the playthrough that i watched while first getting into drv3)

But if you think about it, Ouma tried this again in his own trial in his attempt at ending the killing game and then Saihara also used this to actually end it

Not only that (which personally i think is pretty powerful in itself), but Saihara also tries to take Ouma seriously and picks up hints he leaves and uses them later

as well as

et

(and generally just)

generally, Ouma will hint and then Saihara will pick it up. it’s been like that for the whole game- why should Saihara give any extra thought to what Ouma hints if he dislikes him?? really, he could’ve just ignored him the same way he did at the end of chapter 4- but again, he didn’t “”hate”” Ouma enough to keep ignoring him, he considered him a friend in the end anyway.

and the end is what I’ll talk about now, too.

first- can we just acknowledge this?

he doesn’t ignore Ouma at all here. even though he didn’t trust him, he was sad to have lost him. 

Not to mention the way he thinks about lying at the end of Chapter 6. (like, please this is just-  *chefs kiss*)

IMAGINE Ouma was alive to hear him say that omg but Saihara could (and probably would) extend what he says here to Ouma himself- y’know, the ‘embodiment of lies’

by thinking about lies in a different angle instead of at face value like this, he gets a more neutral view on them rather than just thinking “they’re bad!!”, why wouldn’t he be able to do the same for Ouma? especially now that he knows Ouma was innocent and actually hated the game as much as they all did. I mean hey, even after chapter 5′s trial he sort of already thinks about lies differently

and throughout this post, I’ve tried to avoid talking about his free time events or his salmon mode ending because people always say “well they’re not canon” and to that I say not canon to the plot, yes, but still canon to the characters. so yeah, I don’t disregard any of them.

from this point onwards these all technically happen before chapter 5, so it’s not entirely relevant to my point that saihara still liked ouma even after the end of chapter 4, but it’s still something that shows he liked him beforehand at least. I mainly just wanna ramble though haha

one thing I’ve always thought was interesting was how Saihara easily lashed out at Kaito in his own free time event

and Kaito is undeniably Saihara’s best friend who he holds in high regard. If Saihara having backbone means he doesn’t like someone then damn bye bye momota have a nice trip in space

in terms of ouma and saihara though 

how about the fact that Saihara willingly sat there and played rock paper scissors (janken pon!) with Ouma 100 times?? bruh I got bored playing that with my brother after 8 rounds yesterday how would Saihara manage 100?? would you really have the patience for that when you don’t even like the person you’re playing with?

how about his third free time event too?

(from justonegamr’s kokichi fte video)

Saihara wanted to spend some time with Ouma, that’s- its literally written there I don’t know what you want from me the guy wanted a nice time with someone he supposedly doesnt like

what I love about this is how “reaching out” could be taken both literally and figuratively. Wanting to understand someone and trying to find a way to but them being too unwilling to trust anyone.. damn 😔👊 also shuuichi either wanted to handshake or hold hands, what else do you do when you reach for someone’s hand come on

oh yes and how about that he’s content with the refusal because it allowed him to figure out a small thing about Ouma? understanding that Ouma has a different way of being reached out to? mhm please think about that for a bit

that parallel in the salmon ending too...

he considered how it’ll be like with him after they get out and how he’ll learn about him, then ultimately decided when ouma reached out to him that he does want this, and even comments on the warmth of his hand... afhskfdlj

his blush when ouma mentions how his lies didn’t bore saihara was also a very cute moment

ooh and what about the love hotel???

there’s that one line “I know i’m meant to be Kokichi’s ideal in this fantasy but when he tells me he loves me I feel like he means the opposite” or something like that- i’d argue it’s because he’s cautious of Ouma for one but also am I getting something wrong here or is he talking about how he, Shuuichi, thinks Ouma doesn’t like him?  because I see people argue this is proof saihara doesn’t like ouma but all he’s really doing is just doubting ouma loves him

well in any case

WHY would he want him to stay in a love hotel of all places if he disliked him?! I know I’m just a broken record at this point but I can’t think of anything logical for it. they didnt even need to include that line in the scene at all but they did like they could’ve easily said something to do with realising where he was instead but nah. even after the event’s over, he says to himself

doesn’t he sound disappointed by it? and the fact that he even questions if it was a dream- okay  

ooh, something i’ve realised while writing this as well: it kind of seems like Saihara might not want to like him but does anyway; he quickly ‘smothered the thought’ of staying with Kokichi, didn’t want to admit that Ouma’s lies never bored him, and I also thought about how in one of Kaito’s free time events he says to himself “I shouldn’t be talking about another boy like that”- well, maybe it’s similar for how he thinks of ouma? it’s not like Saihara didn’t care for the others’ opinion on him (probably the opposite ngl if you mess up in class trials he says something along the lines of“Ah I screwed up! They probably think I’m a fraud”) and considering nobody else liked ouma (except for maybe gonta) I wouldn’t be surprised if he felt shame for liking him, thus repressing that feeling (especially around the others, there’s that part in trial 4 where he’s trying to convince kaito he isn’t siding with ouma cause he knows by doing that could damage his friendship with his bro)

I mean this is something I only thought of just now, but it could be plausible (i hope?)

One last thing- I find it incredibly funny how in chapter 2 when ouma is literally on top of saihara he doesn’t freak out or scream and everyone else in the room is also completely chill with it and unquestioning. no really they’re just standing there.. and how long was ouma even in that position for??

Now, I think that’s all. So to finish off, I’ll just say

People get the idea that saiouma is bad because some don’t realise Saihara can still like a person without idolising or putting them on a pedestal. Idk if this is gonna sound controversial or not, but I honestly do think he did exactly that to Kaito and Kaede- which doesn’t make what they have with him toxic or bad at all, I just think his view on Ouma is a lot more realistic and less clouded. Heck, if Saihara canonically liked Ouma as much as he does with the other two I don’t know if I’d ship saiouma as hard as I do (it is fun to imagine though).

If you actually read through this then.. wow? I’m surprised you got through this unstructured mess? I hope you can agree with me for some of my points at least but I’m not here to convince you or anything, this has just been on my mind for weeks now I needed to get it out somehow.

I said it at the start and i’ll say it again now too- i didn’t intend on attacking or comparing saiou to any other ships so I do apologise if I seem like it, i’m just terrible with my wording (lmk if something genuinely offended you, i’ll probably change it) but you’re free to ship whatever you like cause at the end of the day it’s just a bit of fun. that being said, I don’t want to actually argue on this so please don’t haha, i’ve contemplated just deleting this but I’ve put a lot of effort into this post even though i cant analyse for 💩

I hope you can enjoy the rest of your day!

have the kokichi gaygun as a farewell present