#and fellow ADHD sufferer lol

[addams-beineke]

I’m just saying get you a friend who you can write fanfic with and then you both get distracted during the editing process by randomly talking about Mrs. Doubtfire and why it’s the best Robin Williams movie for half an hour.

[chelledoggo]

Happy 1-Year Anniversary to The Amazing Digital Circus!

i sadly don't have any art pieces ready (i want to do something! it'll just be late.), but i wanted to commemorate this day anyway, so let me talk about what this silly, twisted, heartfelt little show means to me 💖

i admit, i jumped on this crazy train slightly late. it was a couple weeks after the pilot premiered. but i kept seeing this nervous little jester girl on my social media timelines and thought "hmmmm… i should check this out."

best decision ever.

now, i have a cornucopia of neurodivergences and mental illnesses: autism, possible ADHD, anxiety, depression, C-PTSD, etc… i've always felt "trapped" in this loud, scary, confusing "circus" of a world. so naturally, this traumatized jester woman resonated with me.

she finds herself thrown into this loud, bright, scary digital world. she can't comprehend what's happening, and it seems at first that no one really understands her.

and it dawns on her: this is her life.

the autistic experience right there.

she eventually meets Gummigoo, an NPC who suddenly finds himself in an existential panic. Pomni sees that Gummi's just as scared as she is. she sits down to comfort a fellow "outcast."

and this is when the show began to speak to me on an even deeper level.

but just as quickly as Pomni feels she finally has some hope, those hopes are instantly dashed as Gummigoo is unceremoniously blasted into confetti. Pomni once again finds herself feeling hopeless and alone.

that's when her fellow circus cast members step in.

she stands witness to a beautiful funeral service for Kaufmo, a friend she never got to meet. all these fellow scared humans, giving beautiful eulogies for their fallen comrade.

and then it hits her, these people are a family. they care for one another. she's not alone.

this sense of love and community is displayed once again in the latest episode. Pomni is at her lowest low. she's literally in Hell. but even then, she has a friend. a friend who's also suffering.

…i'll let this scene speak for itself. it's just that powerful.

honestly? it's not even just Pomni that resonates with me, either. i see a little of myself in a lot of these characters.

Ragatha tries to hold onto optimism and childlike wonder, but she's going through it too. i'm a traumatized womanchild in my 30s, too. big-ass mood.

Gangle literally has to "mask" and put on a happy face, not stepping on any toes. but that mask is fragile. she can only put on a front for so long before the sad, scared, trembling girl underneath is exposed. another autistic mood for me lol.

Zooble? ohhh, their therapy subplot hit me HARD as both an autistic person and an enby. they've tried to communicate how unhappy they are. they've tried to let Caine know what they need. but he doesn't even seem to hear them. eventually it's not worth it to try anymore.

i can't stress enough how much this show has resonated with me. Pomni and her friends have become my friends as well. they're faint sparks of hope in a hopeless world, even as they're suffering themselves. they remind me to find the light in my own "circus."

wellp. i've rambled enough.

i just… really wanna thank Gooseworx, the voice cast, and all of the TADC crew who've worked hard to bring The Amazing Digital Circus to life. what you're doing really means the world to a scared little jester like me. 💖

[powersurger]

MHA Headcanons!

(spoilers!)

Izuku Midoriya

Is Bisexual

Is diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD & has prescribed medication, but usually only takes his anxiety medication. (Projection lol)

To everyones surprise, be actually likes spicy food, but just CAN NOT handle any to save his life

Can cook, but gets distracted and almost burns it a lot.

Inspired by Uraraka, he works to help fellow quirkless people & their discrimination

Kota is his little brother, and Izuku loves to carry him, ruffle his hair and just lovingly mess with him in general

Still just as buff, if not more after the 8 year time skip

Is the reincarnation of the OFA user, Yoichi Shigaraki

All Might

Either AroAce or a gay man there is NO IN-BETWEEN

2000% is dekus adopted dad

Def had both David Shield and Nighteye crushing on him

Katsuki Bakugo

Gay, didn't realize people were actually attracted to women until he was eleven, which made him very confused and made him start questioning his sexuality.

Suffered from acid reflux since he was very little, which caused his esophageal stricture which made him very nauseous in the mornings, making him not a morning person until they were able to re-widen his esophageal stricture (more projection lmao)

Is the reincarnation of the OFA user, Kudo

Shoto Todoroki

Is a Chimera

Has his father's skin tone on his left side

Thinks he might be Ace/aro, but doesn't really care, just knows that he's Queer is some way.

Momo Yaoyorozu

Either the oldest or the only child

Her parents tend to be very distant from her, but do love her

Bisexual, has dated a girl in the past.

Later on, as inspiration from Fatgum, she puts on more weight to make her creations a bit easier on her.

Loves sweets and baking, but can't cook to save her life

Tomura Shigaraki

Pansexual

After he dies he is reincarnated with a loving family and lives happily :(((((((

Iidamomo

Actually knew each other before going to U.A. and were on friendly terms, but only became friends after going to U.A.

Iida had a crush on her before going to U.A. & Momo developed feelings working together as the reps, but only realized she liked him after he injured himself to protect her during Survival Training

Gets together in second year

After becoming pros, they are the first to have a kid (they have a whoops baby)

Both bisexual

KatsuDeku

Izuku fell first, Bakugo fell harder

Izuku developed feelings for him VERY young, but when he started bullying him, Izuku's feelings on him became super conflicted

Katsuki realized he loved izuku shortly before he died, Izuku realized he still loved him when he saw Bakugo's body.

Danced around each other till third year

Bakugo is clingy when he is jealous, Izuku gets a bit angry and possessive when he's jealous.

Izuku is 100% the possessive/protective one.

Both like cuddling bc it comforts them both (Deku can feel Bakugos heart, and Katsuki can feel izuku, so he knows he isn't leaving him again.)

When they get in fights Izuku pulls away but katsuki wants to solve it right there right now.

[aspd-culture]

I think the House pfp makes me like you a lot more, lol. /srs

We love our very problematic but extremely, sometimes painfully, unflinchingly honest and mostly accurate portrayal of (SPOILERSSSSSS) canon ASPD. Tbh, one of the few accurate portrayals I've seen and the only one that doesn't cover it up with "but he's a good person" or "but they learn to love and change their ways and no longer are like that yay they're cured" or pair the representation with a side of demonization. Special interest infodump below:

We know House does bad things, but in light of that, the show forces you to stare in the face the questions: What does it mean to be a bad person? If it's your intentions, do your bad actions not matter? If it's your actions, do your intentions not matter? Does the effort not to hurt people in spite of your pain and trauma and maladaptive worldview not matter, no matter how hard you try, if you fail? How many failures is considered "being human" and how many makes it "being a bad human"? Does a good or bad person even exist with how fluid and nuanced life and human nature is? Can you, as a fellow flawed human, define a good or bad person and if so what gives you the right? The show demands you look at this man with low empathy and learn to feel for him whether you like it or not. And so many prosocials completely misunderstand the show and paint him as the antagonist when the entire point of the show is (imo) to humanize the people you shove into the "bad" box. Also hhhh I hate the people who say "House is autistic that's why he acts like this!" Nope nope nope he is literally diagnosed with ASPD. Do I think he's got autism too? Possibly, but I think he may understand social cues, body language, subtext, etc too well for it to be that. I would personally guess ASPD+ADHD+MDD. One of his major specialties is dissecting the social boundaries not because the doesn't understand them, but to show the blind spots they leave, the disservice they do us. He knows what he does is against the norm, he knows he doesn't speak like the people around him and he knows how to do it right. He just *doesn't* because he finds value in removing that and finds no value in others' opinions on him. He knows he is seen as terrible and does not care to change it, not because (imo) he was not accepted as a person but because he was traumatized against people as a whole. See also, MIA and unknown father, questionable mother, shitty stepfather, and all the things he hints at but does not tell us outright. House is a lot of things, but socially unaware is not one of them, and whilst there are autistic people like that who are prosocial, I think the show addressed this clearly in the early episode of the autistic (they used the n*zi term but I will not) child who gives him the PSP or gameboy or whichever it was. House sees some of himself in that child, but it is clearly addressed that it's not quite right - that House relates but does not seem to click properly with being autistic. However, in the "soci*path" patient episode, House heavily struggles to separate himself from her, and finds himself repeatedly coming up empty on reasons they aren't the same. In fact, when he finds out it is reversible, it seems to me like he is simultaneously glad to have figured out the puzzle - and maybe to save her from his suffering - and distressed and jealous that she gets to get out of this. She will get to meet people who did not know her that way and be like them and feel like them and feel like one of them. Unlike in the autism episode, the characters around him seem to believe he has it as well. If he is autistic, he has ASPD as well - diagnosed in fact.

It's such a damn good show.

You did not ask for my (as restrained as possible) infodump about House, MD but you activated my special interest trap card.

[arviyya]

hello my love can i get 3 & 13 pls <3

Helloo lovee :]

3. how you feel about your current WIP

Ahhhh... I'm very 🫠 about it. I'm kinda struggling with the vibes, it's so hard for me to write fluff. If they aren't suffering is it even good? kidding, but I'm definitely struggling with it. Also now I'm gonna yap about pressure because I feel like I should have finished before the holidays were over and whenever I feel like something needs to be done I stubbornly shut down and don't want to work on it at all (adhd I fear). But anyway, I get it in my head that now that the holidays are over no one will want to read it, and that's silly because it's probably not true, and it shouldn't matter anyway. Yapping for days over here, I feel like I'm at the end of a vn and I have to say over to end it lol

13. a fandom you’re thinking about writing for

Oooo omg. So I could see myself squeezing out an arcane or fellow travelers fic (I say that but let's be real, I'd probably write a fic for The 100 lol)

writer ask game :]

[jimxnslight]

Listen here, I need more of that car scene because what do you mean he was staring at her with his hand on her wrist? WHILE SHE’S BASCIALLY ON TOP OF HIM??? WITH HIS DARK STRUCTURED EYEBROWS I LOVE HIS EYEBROWS. That other anon was right because I cannot get that scene out of my head. Jungkook in a suit makes me weak. Jungkook demanding something makes me weaaaak. If oc doesn’t want him I will gladly take him and I won’t poison his expensive whiskey collection. I’ll make sure he sleeps nice and sound without a worry in the world because he deserves all the rest he needs for being such a big alpha male in the mafia industry. Sexy man with a sexy gun.

It’s 2 am and I have a fucking 8 am class. Let me kms cause I dunno why it was such a great idea to sign up for an early class and tell me why it’s almost a full class?? Who is functioning that early and eager to learn about macro economics? Not me I’ll tell you that. It was either 8 am or 5 pm slot and hell no am I staying on campus that late especially once the sun starts setting at 5 pm. I have no clue why I’m blabbing all of this to you but I guess as a fellow uni student you must understand the struggle of trying to pay attention during lectures. Assignments are fine for the most part but when I’m in class I cannot retain any knowledge. I’m too distracted by the guy who sits a row in front of me because he plays Tetris on his laptop and this other girl is always on Amazon adding stuff to her cart but never checking out which I relate cause I’m broke but we can pretend we have money and I’m nosyyyytt I wanna see what she’s pretending to buy. Girlie has a whole shark vacuum, some sort of memory foam couch pillows, and I think these mini cute ghost string lights…oddly specific but her list gets a pass in my book. I wish I could write like you. I would be creating novels during lecture and everybody would think I’m taking the best notes ever. Anywho I’m guessing your bias is jimin, mines is Yoongi and I will defend that man until my last breath. Jungkook is my bias wrecker, that piece of shit is too attractive for no reason. I can’t wait until Hobi comes back and I can’t wait for the next chapter!!! My adhd likes to get a hold of me when it’s deep into the night. So sorry but I’m just tryna tell you I love your writing lol. Hope you got that message

THE ADHD IS SO STRONG IN THIS IM ACTUALLY CRYING 😭😭😭

I mean ur so real for that, like it’s Jeon Jungkook in a suit being commanding and we’re just girls 🎀 But not you trying to steal Jungkook from Y/N, that man is married must I remind you 🤨📸

I actually cannot relate to the lecture thing (sorry lol) bc I’m online and thankfully we don’t have lectures, just modules. But I do remember when I did go on campus for a week I could not for the life of me keep myself awake during lectures (I also decided to be studious and booked the 8AM classes like a fool). But uni is a struggle no matter what, like I JUST did an exam where it just randomly submitted in the middle of me taking it and now I’m waiting for my prof to email me back about the issue while praying that he’s merciful enough not to just fail me immediately 🤠 so yeah, here’s to self-inflicted suffering ✨

Thank you so much! Trust me it’s not as hard as it seems, everything improves with practice. Maybe you can start out with smaller stories and eventually when ur comfortable enough move onto larger ones? Don’t hesitate to ask me if you need any help or tips, I’d be more than happy to help!

[1ore]

Hi, I've been following you since Ye Olde Esk Days and you've always been a huge inspiration for me as a fellow gender-questioning neurodivergent lesbian both in art and science.

I've been wanting to reach out because I'm considering enrolling in Enviroinmental Sciences (or something in that ballpark) in 1 or 2 years and wanted to ask how your experience studying it has been to you as a person with an artistic bakground? I am afraid my ADHD might get in the way of maths, and that I might not be "smart" enough to pursue a degree in STEM, despite the fact I've always been interested in scientific subjects and in the conservation efforts around the area (and the river) I grew up in. so, yeah, I don't really know what else to say xmx I hope this message wasn't too much, and thank you for taking the time to read it. Your art and its message has always meant a lot to me! (also, happy Pride month!)

ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

So, funny enough, math anxiety is part of what what led me to Environmental Science in the first place. My degree is a Bachelor of Arts in Environmental Science, not a Bachelor of Science, because IIIIIII didn’t want to take more semesters of calculus and organic chemistry than I had to 🤪 I struggled with math in highschool, and by the time I went back to school, it had been more than 5 years since I last took a math class. I was also more interested in the interdisciplinary parts of Environmental Science, so a BA let me put more credit hours towards classes in policy, law, social science, humanities, etc.

As far as I know, having a BA hasn’t held me back. I’ve been accepted into internships and other programs doing “real science” just fine. Maybe this won’t always be true, but I’ve figured out that I like teaching and engaging people in science more than I like being in academia, so that works out fine for me.

As for my experience with ADHD and math/science courses, I have euuuauuuehhh a lot of thoughts. This gets dense, sorry.

First, my ADHD came with a side of anxiety, which manifested as a compulsion to do well academically regardless of how much my mental health suffered. Doing busy work felt like hell on earth for reasons that were then mysterious to me, but disappointing my teachers felt Worse. So I became really good at, like, academic minmaxing, not so much learning or taking care of myself. It’s hard to articulate. I want to say I was muddling through these classes as a professional test-taker and not a student, and also not applying myself fully. But at the same time, I felt like I was well beyond my breaking point? This made more sense to me later when I got the diagnosis LOL. my capacity for doing the things I’m supposed to do, the way I’m supposed to do them, is lower than other peoples’. So either I do what I’m not supposed to do, or I do it “the wrong way.” <- meaningless.

I say all that because coursework is a poor metric of how “good” you are at science or math, or whether you'll enjoy doing them outside of the classroom. We know this LOL but I want to reiterate it. I learned how to get really good grades without learning how to reason my way through why xyz methodology is justified, or how to ask questions and be curious about what’s happening around me. It’s corny but it’s true. on one hand I still struggle with these, because I’m still working under the assumption that whatever’s going on in my head is the “wrong” way to do it. But ADHD does a lot of heavy lifting for us with lateral thinking and being able to make connections that other people can’t always see. If you want to do Science ™ (as in academic research,) this is an awesome tool to have in your toolkit.

There’s also a whole world of environmental work outside of academia that demands its own skillset, which coursework may or may not teach. Like, if you want to do hands-on restoration work or interpretive work or field technician stuff, this is less “can you spit out the balanced equation for photosynthesis on command” and more “can you operate a woodchipper” or “are you comfortable with public speaking and customer service.“ This is another part of what attracted me to envirosci--how wide-ranging the job market is. The backdrop of science is the same, but your day-to-day responsibilities can look wildly different.

Also, if it’s any encouragement, being an arts person has been a huge plus in my experience. My most recent employer told me outright that the artsy scicomm stuff in my resume is what made them think “oh, we need her.” Art and science are wives LOL a lot of the skills you hone as an artist are invaluable in science, especially if you’re doing any kind of communication work. (<- has seen some poorly-written papers and incomprehensible figures in her time)

Going along with that, back when I was yea high and wanted to do art professionally, I remember people telling me that you only go to art school for the professional connections. A lot of STEM careers are locked behind having a specialized degree, but I think this advice is still applicable here. Being a “good student” hasn’t helped me as much as abandoning my anxiety and sending cold emails, showing up at peoples’ guest lectures and office hours, participating fully and sincerely, etc. The stuff I did outside the classroom was more meaningful to me, in the end. (That said, I was lucky to have several classes that were more skills/training-oriented for things like GIS, field botany, conducting environmental assessments for NEPA, etc. You can swing projects for classes like these as opportunities to build skills or create portfolio pieces.)

OK. I thiiiink that’s everything I have for you? I hope that answers your question. If not, I can give it another shot. I'll also leave you with this answer from beloved mutual Heedra re: what Environmental Science as a major is like. I can't believe it's 6 years old because it's part of what put Environmental Science on my radar in the first place LOL

[edwin-paynes-bowtie]

do you reckon matthew has adhd?

(i've seen some people really endorse it but also I feel like we're terrible at telling hyperactivity from hypomania, myself included, and it's possible that the old adhd stereotype isn't the best indicator)

this may or may not be me researching cyclothymia for myself too btw ;) and as a fellow adhder I also wish for all of the siderants in this post to be unapologetic <3 <3

Thank you for this. I do consider myself to have a PhD in Matthew Fairchild, so I'm excited to have a go here. Siderants incoming.

I don't want to get too deep into my own mental health issues on here, LOL. But I feel like it's almost impossible for me to talk about Matthew without being open about my own lens and viewpoint.

I need to preface this by stating that I relate VERY STRONGLY to Matthew in a ton of different ways, but one of the main ones is through a lens of mental health. We have similar symptoms and I definitely believe him to have a similar issue to myself. I am bipolar, have ADHD, and have PTSD. So this is where I am coming from; this is my background.

Matthew and PTSD

Let's just all agree right off the bat that Matthew has PTSD after the events of CLS. I don't think the word's used solely because it's 1903 and it doesn't exist. I'm pretty sure Cassie has said he has PTSD before directly. But also it's referred to in the books as "a shadow hanging over him" and a "hard edge." Everyone notes that his behavior changes after his mother's miscarriage. I'm not going to delve too much into this because it's literally canon and anyone with media literacy knows it.

Bipolar Matthew

I have very little doubt that Matthew is bipolar. He exhibits regular symptoms of depression and anxiety even as early as NBS and CLS. He also was completely out of control in several cases, and we see it most starkly when he blows up a wing of the Academy. If you read CLS, he seems completely unable to control his temper and detaches himself from the action as well, stating that in the interval between Alastair @ing him and his leaving school "a wing of the school blew up" rather than "he blew up a wing of the school". He also seemed incredibly giddy as talked with Will and then with Alastair as he told him he put all his things in the South Wing.

We see bipolar-esque impulsive behaviors in TLH, though TLH Matthew is definitely somewhat muted because of his alcoholism.

There is no arguing that Matthew suffers from depression in TLH, which manifests as addiction and also as what seems to be exhaustion. He falls asleep anywhere. Cassie herself has said that Matthew is depressed as well.

But, I also note that he has manic tendencies. He runs off to Paris with Cordelia extremely impulsively with almost 0 thought to the consequences. He jumps through the portal to Hell after James in a completely split-second decision. Thomas notes that Matthew has, for the longest time, believed that consequences were something that happened to other people rather than to himself and his friends. All of these things are consistent with bipolar disorder.

He also does something common to those both with BPD* and bipolar disorder called "splitting." Splitting happens when the person views others as either all good (Cordelia, James) or the literal scum of the earth with 0 gray area (Alastair, Grace). When shown gray area, he is jarred.

*I have also seen BPD peeps headcanon Matthew as borderline. When they talk about it, I can see an argument for it, but I do not personally think that Matthew has the shaky relationship insecurities that partly define BPD. He hates himself, but seems secure in the fact that others currently love him (even if he worries that they will not if they know of his Great Sin). I do not think he meets the BPD diagnostic criteria. But I am not a psychologist and am also biased as I am bipolar and want my fave character to be my Bipolar Buddy, lol.

ADHD Matthew

Getting to your question, does Matthew have ADHD?

This is actually the one that I'm least certain of.

He certainly does exhibit several ADHD-like traits. He's very externally boisterous and jubilant. He clearly hyperfixates on aesthetics and Oscar Wilde, talking about them in nearly every situation even when it's unrelated. (I find this funny because his Oscar Wilde obsession mirrors my TSC obsession. He's got a green carnation; I've got a clockwork angel pendant. It's amazing).

He also definitely shows difficulty focusing on tasks. However, it's impossible to say that this is a result of ADHD because of his addiction. Alcohol also causes people to have short attention spans and a bad memory, so this isn't saying much. The same goes for his poor physical coordination.

We would need to go solely from his time at school to figure this out. The only issue here is that it's challenging to separate Matthew's NBS behaviours from the fact that he was actively trying to get expelled. Did he really struggle to focus or did he just pretend to so he could piss off his teachers? Was he performing poorly because his needs were unmet or because he was purposely trying to be terrible? There's no telling, and I honestly suspect the latter.

So, I have no idea!

I personally think that Matthew may have ADHD solely because bipolar and PTSD exascerbate ADHD symptoms. All three of them exascerbate each other, actually. But I'm not too committed to this.

[rottenturnips]

as a fellow Audhd person.

REAL, but I have to say one thing.

do your shit when your bored, or as i always do “fake it till you make it”

you don’t have to like doing anything fun fact that’s just how adhd is actually you don’t get enough dopamine from completing tasks so it just feels like an immeasurable DRAG.

So be angry and spiteful and try.

because I wholeheartedly understand the pain and suffering that is not being able to focus and do the work and just everything.

(I’m unmedicated too, and also undiagnosed with adhd lol. I got the autism diagnosis, but it’s safe to say I have both.)

but it’s not your fault you just don’t have enough dopamine lol, maybe try to Pavlov dog yourself with like a clicker.

like every time you watch or feel happy and fulfilled you click a clicker, and maybe eventually that will translate to feeling those things later idk. Like every time you finish a task you click the clicker you have already associated with good feelings and or a job done!

It’s how they train animals, and smart ones like orcas and dolphins and monkeys and stuff. So it works ?

and if you can’t get adhd meds, then with this a trickery of the mind will at least make yourself feel some form of reward when you finish a task and such.

I know EXTREMELY WEIRD AND EXTREMELY BAZAR

but it might actually help in some form, idk.

sorry for this weird ask it’s fucking bonkers, bye.

Sadly on top of my shit ability to focus I can't remember well either so I'm not sure what I reblogged or said to prompt this but THANKYOUUU<3<3<3 its not a weird ask I would have never thought to Pavlov myself into getting my brain to work better but I'm going to try this and fingers crossed it works🤞

also I hope you're able to get diagnosed and treated if you're seeking that you deserve the world for your kindness and baring that at least something to help make navigating it a little easier

[fuckityshitbang]

hi have a clumsy thought essay from the (irl) local "very cool" socially popular autist

i think what this question really is internalized more accurately to the autistic person is: "what am i like SOCIALLY when i don't mask?" especially since we for the MOST part are only not masking when...we're...alone. lol.

if you gradually analyze your mask and its nuanced triggers and expressions you can actually willfully NOT mask when interacting, which because of the reasons WHY we mask is equally as unbearable as masking is lol. especially because it's less familiar.

i say this however to demonstrate that if this is something you feel you can't answer, and it genuinely gives you panic from disconnect/existential uncertainty, it can be a useful skill to learn and exercise.

i didnt exactly have the same reaction (eg crisis) as this when i was first struck with the "DAMN, that's a good question." my reaction was like "well, i KNOW what my real personality is like--it does show through my masks. it's PART of me, if filtered and tweaked (and a lot NOT me)." it made me realize i just don't know myself in the context of other people without masking... for the most part. i then thought about how i act with my other friends who are ND... even there, i still mask, because their autism/ADHD sometimes expresses differently, but it's inherently a lot more genuine and a lot less altered/fictional.

thinking of it this way ("well, i act like this with Humans In The Wild Who I Assume Are Allistic And Typically Are, and i act like this with my Fellow Au/DHD Folk") kind of gave me an idea of what traits i specifically stifle more clearly, besides the obvious like stimming or fighting for my life to not infodump etc.

so with at least THAT much data, i began to sometimes...just...not mask, or try to. i experimented a little. i noticed when i was really tired or burnt out (i am unfortunately suffering from chronic autistic burnout but can still mask most days comfortably/instinctively/unconsciously/whatever), those strains were not only more apparent singularly, but also WAY HEAVIER. so i just don't.

people are weirded out by it for sure - they have the person they "know," then the person when i am tired. i don't really make eyecontact, though my affectation is essentially the same; i do other things to show im listening like furrow a brow and nod or hold my chin, so i guess that's still some iota of masking oops lol. i still dont infodump bc when im that worn out i can only rly get stimulation and endorphins from likeminded ppl (not as in autistic, but similar deep interest/passion that may get REAL eyecontact here and there), but i use different language/vernacular since i typically try to sound less "snobby" and more "cool" and "relatable." i kind of ignore small talk or engage it minimally, but will be responsive to things that are generally interesting. i twirl my hair and twist my ankle around while i talk, staring nowhere. maybe i'll draw while we're talking, or i'll do things like organize my items, line up the drinks on the table so theyre on the same "grid" to diminish visual stress, etc etc etc. i do still try to not pick my lips.

so, still not a PERFECT picture to answer that question, but pretty dang close. being aware of when you recede into reflexive masking does make it more exhausting though, as a warning. ime it doesn't stop being reflexive, but i'll admit it was a little easier on me to not really be aware lol. emphasis on "a little," though - i'd still recommend doing it to any who struggle with this existential social anxiety!

this repels/confuses some ppl bc idk they either find it weird or assume im in a bad mood, but a lot of my friends who had long before been friends with that first version of myself (if i was too burnt out to mask before, i just wouldnt see people) act no different and will approach me/hang out w me anyway! it's nice. and it doesn't offend me when people don't react that way, since i was advertising a different product and that product was what they were into. the ppl who approach and hang anyway just happen to be a fan of the product and also its creator.

Trying to explain how I mask to others:

Me: so essentially I copy your behaviour and base my personality on how you act when I’m with you and when I’m with other people I then do the same to them. How act changes depending on who I’m around.

Them: oh so what’s your real personality like?

Me: *has an exsistential crisis*

Rinse, wash, repeat

[a-lil-perspective]

70 Encouragements/Tips For The Writer:

A/N: Rules don’t exist. These are real and personal and stem from a deteriorating, exhausted Writer who is here to tell you (and herself) that you are amazing and keep going. I hope you find some encouragement within.

Your mental health comes first and foremost.

Indulge and embrace your creative writing pieces when they come (and when they don’t). Especially when they don’t.

Suffering from Writer’s Block or fluctuating hyperfixation? Me too. So is your favorite author. Welcome to the Writer’s Block Party (all my uwus if you see the pun).

Did you spend five hours on this one segment, forget the last time you ate, develop chapped lips, dry eyes, and a stiff back (time to get up and move), bang your head on the wall, laugh, cry, fidget, take your ADHD meds, deviate to watch YouTube, have an epiphany, curse in frustration and wonder why the hell you do this to yourself? Congratulations, you’re a Writer.

Embrace all the not-so-glamorous sides of writing, and accept the fact they’re going to happen time over again.

When you say “just one more line” and it’s 2:00 AM, I’ll be here to remind you to “go to sleep” (because I’m also depriving myself lol).

Actually, sleeping helps your mind feel refreshed, and it’s good for your health. If you’re struggling with a particular segment, one of the best things you can do is just put a cap on it for the time being, put in a placeholder, and get some shut eye. I know you don’t want to. But you will feel so much better and have more clarity and energy to continue when you wake. Trust me.

More often than not, those words you “just didn’t write down fast enough and now forgot” end up revealing themselves to you later in a much more profound way. Give the words time to get ready. They’re just spiffing up before coming to visit. :)

Be proud of yourself and your prose. Writing is an amazing part of who you are.

That trope has been written 1000 times before? Make it 1001.

You’ve already written this scenario? Write it again.

You’ve just written a single sentence. Now sit back for moment and think: you just wrote something brand new, never before seen. Nobody out there will ever write that sentence or formulate those thoughts the exact same way. You are a unique, mind-blowing, awe-inspiring human being.

Bask in the excitement that comes with a completed piece. Reflect on what you learned throughout and celebrate the little victories.

Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback, but also understand that you might not always get it, and that is OK.

Please re-read your work. Be gentle with yourself. You had to write that very first piece to get to where you are now. Love the process.

Your personal writing success is not based off of kudos or likes or reblogs.

There is no right or wrong way to write.

There is no such thing as “good” writing.

Improvement is becoming of everyone so get comfy, strap in. The journey of a Writer is a lifelong one. Here’s to many more works ahead.

Don’t mourn the words you did or didn’t write. Celebrate the ones you will.

One day, you’ll read a piece that will blow you away—and it will be yours.

There is nothing “shameful” about reblogging your own writing works.

I promise you’ll find your “wow” piece—either in something you’ve already written, or something yet to come.

Baby. Please don’t write out of spite. You’re better than that.

You are just as valid/deserving as the next Writer. And you do belong.

If you feel sad/unworthy when sharing your works or interacting with others’, get to the root of why. Writing should be fun, rewarding, and relaxing. Not shameful, embarrassing, or a chore.

Writing (fanfiction, specifically) is labeled as “transformative works”. Self-explanatory, right? However, if you notice the transformative part begin to have a personal effect on you—a negative one—it’s time to take a step back.

Right now, I can name a single quality you possess: diligence. How do I know? Because you’re a Writer, and the two go hand-in-hand.

Got that single scene in your head but you haven’t completed or even began all the chapters preceding? Bruh. Jot that down right now. You don’t need 20k words beforehand.

Embrace your writing mood swings. The stray, sweet and condensed blurbie. The ideal, bridging drabble. The solid, substantial oneshot. The hefty, elaborate 10k word chapter. Appreciate everything in-between, and that you are capable of all of it.

Nobody remembers that extra word or typo or stray speech mark back all the way back in chapter 3. Tell the little monster in your head to go to hell.

You’re not a weirdo for making facial expressions and mulling through your dialogue aloud. You. Are. A. Writer.

It’s OK if the Readers can’t always see exactly what you envisioned in your head, or the full extent of the picture you painted. We all see colors differently.

Don’t be afraid to experiment with your writing.

In fact, challenge yourself to dabble into a new plot/trope/concept every day, even if only for a few minutes. You may discover you love writing it.

There’s no rush to finish/begin any written work. If you take your time, you will make your mark. You’re not falling behind or running late. Slow down and wait for it. :)

Three cheers for hiatus.

Listen to your body and mind, know your limits and when it’s time to take a break.

Actually take a break. :)

If you feel like you’re falling stagnant in creativity, looking to/revisiting other forms of creative media can help encourage the flow.

Ask for encouragement, and be at peace with asking.

Take shelter in fellow writers. Uplift each other always.

You are/will be someone’s favorite author. :)

You don’t have anything to prove. You have something to share.

Someone is thinking about your work right now.

Someone started a series because they drew inspiration from you.

Personal writing style can reflect a lot on the state of one’s mental health. Try to always be attentive to that of your own.

Self-validation must be cultivated early on or nothing will ever work.

Freestyle every once in a while. Write a snippet, timed, and go—without editing. Write the first thing that comes to mind and go from there. Do it all the way through the set time. When it stops, you’ll find yourself unable to. 3,800 words here we come. :)

Not everything needs an outline. :)

It is completely normal to write your story out of order.

Create guidelines for yourself. If they aren’t working, toss ‘em.

Word vomiting can help you feel better (it’s just how it sounds). By clearing all those jumbled thoughts and scattered concepts, you achieve a clearer objective. Try it sometime.

A rough draft is supposed to be rough.

Sometimes the words come to you quicker than others. Be patient. That is merely the construct of a Writer’s mind. You’re a beautiful enigma.

A sentence written is a story progressing.

Writing is an endurance sport. You must pace yourself and exercise it daily.

You are still a Writer even when the words aren’t on the actual page.

You’re not obligated to a writing/posting schedule.

As you progress in your journey and gain more awareness, don’t sacrifice your style. Those beginning works are what define you. Hold onto them and don’t ever let them go.

You’re the only one cringing—

Remember that sometimes words are elusive and you don’t always have control over them, and that is OK. Sometimes they write themselves. Sometimes your characters come to life and break out into dance across your page. Dance with them. You can wrangle them back when the music stops. :)

There is nothing condemning or embarrassing about asking for a beta. Allow someone to help carry the load.

Allow people to cheer you on—even if they don’t read your work.

It’s OK if your writing style isn’t someone else’s preference.

Be your biggest cheerleader. Sometimes you are all you have.

You don’t need anyone’s approval except your own.

You love that trope/concept/story you just wrote? That’s all that matters. The end.

You will never write good. You will write you. And that is good.

Above all else: remember to write for you.🤍

[falloutboywife]

now that I'm living back in Ohio my days are pretty empty in terms of obligations while I'm waiting to get vaccinated so I can start safely working again, but I have such bad executive dysfunction that its hard to actually be productive during this time where I'm stuck at home (again). before I moved my depression was really bad so that was part of why I wouldn't do anything, but now I actively WANT to be productive and get things done and stop making excuses for it not happening. the thing is though, its VERY hard for me to consistently work throughout the day so I just sit around and play breath of the wild or ffxiv until I'm bored LOL

so for my fellow gamers w autism and adhd who suffer from executive dysfunction, when you know you have to be or want to be productive but you can't force yourself to sit down and do it, do you find scheduling your day helps? I'm considering setting timers on my phone to get me to stop putting things off and to get in the mindset of having a designated time slot to draw or listen to lectures or write but I'm wondering what else might help because I think an issue I'm having is the lack of structure, which will be a problem until the summer when I'm fully vaccinated lol

[ziracona]

So Quentin is pretty obviously one of your favorite characters to write lol. Why is that?

Haha, well, I do enjoy writing him and I can certainly see why he’d look like an all time fave, and he definitely is!—But! I’m pretty sure he’s tied for that spot with like 16 characters from DbD haha. Genuinely after writing ILM I really don’t think I have a favorite-favorite to write. Quentin has a lead in most of my stuff on AO3 for 2 reasons—wait no, 3 reasons—1: I love him, and he’s very fun to write. 2: Quentin out of all of them scores near the top in both most likely to do something wreckless, selfless, and martyry to get into the kinds of injured and in trouble scenarios that are fun to write, and in being open to connecting with/forgiving a killer if they truly seem to feel remorse and want to be better while giving them deserved hell and fighting back if not (boy is ready to kill a killer and the laws of this land will not stop him), and in having wild vibes with almost any person he’s stuck with, so he just ends up being likely for a lot of stuff. 3: out of the four fics he’s a main player in, New Dawn Fades, Half-Life, From the Earth of No Return, and Not the Kind of Person Who, three of those are gifts, trades, or commissions, and only one is a fic I wrote 100% just cause. That said, I could not be happier about so many excuses to write Quentin, becuase like all of my children, I adore him. I do certainly have a soft spot for his personality too. Hmmm, well, while I really don’t think I have a favorite to write, there are a few I saw myself in to some degree (there’s more people then you’d think in this category, but Quentin and Claudette, while neither is actually the one I think I’m most like, are definitely two who called to me). Quentin is super fun to write though, and I wholeheartedly recommend it!

Let’s see, what makes son boy especially fun?

Well, characters with conviction speak to me, and they’re enjoyable to write because any time someone has a strong personal code, they’ll work to adhere to it, and you have immediate easy built in conflict any time that code conflicts with personal desires, the situation they’re stuck in, what they’re being forced to face doing, etc. It makes for good writing and layered characters and stakes. A lot of the time with Quentin, he’s in situations where he’s struggling over if the thing he wants (like being kind to Anna near the end of Half-Life) is also the right thing to do, considering she uh, well, kidnapped him and is keeping him locked up. Which, objectively, not a situation you should pity your captor in. I appreciate he strives so hard to do the right thing. It’s admirable, and it’s sweet. And a little sad. He’s also got a boatload of issues he needs to get help for and address and a martyr complex so big he’d throw himself in the way of an oncoming train for a complete stranger, can be a both sweetheart with puppy dog eyes when kicked and snarky little shit who will drag himself up the scaffolding with a pipe while shot through the chest to stay between a monster and someone else Kyle Reese style and keep beating on it until it dies or he does, and the boy is (depending on characterization) anywhere from 16 to early 20s, so still a child, and also he is in love with a girl he’s basically suffering eternally in hell for so she can be okay, so there’s a lot to work with right out the gate. Like holy fuck kid, are you okay? No. No he’s not. But damn does he have heart and make for some good fiction. I like seeing characters who are miserable and trying and suffering unfairly, especially when they’re suffering for somebody else, get to get better and find happy endings. I wish I had the power to grant that more in real life too. : /

Haha, uhhh, so anyway! I like writing Quentin because he’s got a lot of range, mostly, and him being both selfless and forgiving, while simultaneously very just and full of conviction and ethical standards he will hold others and especially himself to, makes him super interesting and fun to write. I think it’s admirable he’s able to suffer like he does and still adhere to a religious faith and not only adhere, but have it remain so comforting and important to him. He’s a fellow ADHD disaster, and he’s never been chill one day in his life, and I can sympathize please let this poor kid sleep. He’s also got one of the single most disgusting and detestable nemesis of any DbD character, so there’s a lot to work with as far as like, endgame climactic fight structure type stuff and running tension go. Homeboy can’t even go to sleep in peace. Plus, he’s literally growing up in the realm, which is beyond traumatic, but is also an experience unique to him, Nea, and at least to a large extent Laurie as well. I also feel like NOES2010 gets a lot of flack it doesn’t deserve, so I’m really happy he got a second life in any form whatsoever. He was a good character, and he deserved it. TuT uhhh haha I could say a lot more about why I enjoy writing him or any of them, but this is already getting long so ima pull the plug, but I hope it answered your question!

TLDR is just Quentin is tied for favorite with all of my 16 other children, and I’ve largely written him more as a combo of “because he’s super easy to get into shit” and “I did commish/gift/trades where he was requested, but I could literally not be happier abt that because I absolutely love Quentin and would die for him”.

[kuchenackerman]

you're an eremika fan so i figured i'll ask haha. i wrote my first EM fanfic and i'm so apprehensive about actually uploading it. i don't think i'm too bad a writer, but self proofing can only go so far and i'm concerned as to whether it'll actually gain any traction or not. do you know if people still read eremika fanfics/how do you gather the confidence to post your work? :/ also ur rad!

First of all, congrats on writing your first eremika fic! I wonder if by this time you already published it though? You sadly sent me this ask when I was focused on writing and editing an update to my own EM fic, so I probably was reserving my last two adhd braincells to be able to finish it lmao, which is why I didn’t reply in time and then... I forgot to do it and for that I’m very sorry!

If you still don’t publish your fic or you’re still interested on my answer, I’ve seen other people go through a similar struggle, and as a fellow writer I can understand your concern regarding of whether your fic will gain traction or not. When it comes to this last thing, it often depends on many factors, like on how active the fandom is by the time you publish your fic, on what people are looking to read about lately (i.e. fluff, angst and/or smut) and on the ship developments (or lack of it) currently going on in the manga. For example, as far as I remember, after chapter 123 dropped people were writing and reading oneshot fics about the “what am I to you?” flashback, and basically the same happens whenever we get some tasty (?) and especially angsty EM-related scenes in the manga (including chapter 112, lol). Writers get inspired to “fix” or develop these panels further and readers crave that content as well, so they kinda jump on it right after it gets published. In these cases, authors often get a quick and decent amount of feedback in a short span of time, which is amazing. When you are one of these authors with the ability to swiftly pull out a wholesome oneshot related to a fresh eremika scene, I guess you don’t have to worry THAT much about whether it will get at least a bit of attention or not, because people are going to be thirsty for that content and will consume it as soon as it’s available. Most of these readers are going to show appreciation for it in terms of likes, reblogs, kudos, comments, etcetera, without you having to wait too long. 

When we publish fics that aren’t related to the manga current developments and stuff, the first thing to do is to be able to get the reader’s attention with a catchy summary and the proposal of an interesting plot / situation between Eren and Mikasa. To increase the chances of people reading your stuff, it’s also important to make a post with the fic’s link and info here on Tumblr and on other social media platforms like Twitter, always using the eremika tag. 

And yeah, I assure you there’s a lot of people who still read EM fics. There’s even been an interesting influx of new eremika shippers thanks to what’s been going on during the timeskip and in latest chapters. However, between 2013 and early 2015 the SnK fandom overall was way more active and also fic writers got way more feedback. We have to consider that there was a more limited supply of EM fics back then of course, especially in 2013-2014, so I guess the feedback was also way more concentrated while the demand was kinda bigger than nowadays. If you’ve checked old fics mostly on FFnet that were published years ago, you probably already saw and know what I mean. I mention this because it’s important to not compare the amount of feedback that most EM fics receive today with what those older fics got. The reality of the fandom is too different now after the initial hype...

Regarding your question about gathering confidence, well, in my case I don’t have confidence issues in general and less when it comes to fandom. What I do is to just do something I feel like doing, enjoy the process of doing it and then put it out there without further questions. I don’t think I’m the best writer or anything, but I do believe in the value of what I write and of the other things I make. There are a few times when I look at what I’ve written and I’m like “pfft this sucks” and get very critical about it, while at other times I’m like “ohh, that’s some good shit! I really wrote that myself, huh? *pats own back*”, though most of the time I’m mainly conscious about the effort, love and creativity I pour into what I write among the enjoyment (and suffering lmao) I experience when I’m on it, which makes me appreciate it more. In your case, you already wrote something and you know it involved a degree of effort and time, so why not going ahead and sharing it? Even more so when showing it to others was your intent since the very beginning~

I think it’s totally worth it to share what you’ve written rather than never allowing it to see the light of day because of self-doubts. As with many other situations, you take a risk when you put something out there for others to see and dissect, but you also get the chance to receive nice responses that can make your day and, since readers provide you with feedback that help you to be more aware of your strengths and weaknesses, you also get the chance to improve your writing skills.  

We love the same amazing pairing and it deserves way more content and love, so please, give it a try and share your fanfic with the fandom! 

[bonni]

That one post you responded to bugged me so much and it took me a while to figure out why but it's the way they said "'mental illness is a social phenomenon' might be true for your depression and anxiety but I beg of you to think about psychotic people, systems, and people with personality disorders".

Like, they clearly recognize how labeling people as inherently ill is harmful but then they go and do it anyways and claim the people they've arbitrarily defined as "ill" are actually eugenicists for disagreeing with them.

This. I mean I think what they're saying is that like, traumagenic disorders are more difficult to recover from than depression and anxiety? Which is certainly true, but that doesn't mean improving society won't alleviate symptoms (although op did agree on this) but also better society = fewer people who develop severe ptsd, which is objectively a good thing. Also psychosis is a completely separate issue and I'm tired of posts arbitrarily grouping it with pds and DID just because they're all "scary" disorders. Psychosis isn't always traumagenic and imo it's more comparable to neurodevelopmental differences in the sense that it's not defined by suffering? Historically people with schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders have become religious figures and in fact theres a lot of gray area between what we define as delusion and what we define as mysticism or philosophy. As a schizophrenic I genuinely don't see psychosis as a disability any more than I see autism/adhd as one, I know this may be controversial because we psychotics suffer so much every day but I would ask my fellow psychotics to consider how much of their suffering has actually been a result of their symptoms and how much of it was just the result of stigma and medical abuse. Although psychosis is also a symptom of multiple disorders so like if you experience psychotic episodes as a result of bipolar disorder that's obviously a very different scenario than being schizophrenic like I am and just having a general detachment from "reality." Anyway I'm getting sleepy so sorry for not separating this into paragraphs this is a long stream of random thoughts at this point lol

[madokamagicasecrets]

i have no proof at all but if mami is add/adhd type 2 and her current hyperfixation is fighting witches

no i am not projecting why do you ask

As a fellow ADD sufferer and massive fan of Mami, I’m sure that you nor I am definitely not projecting, it must be just coincidence lol