#and fake relationships

[camembri]

you wanted zoro to be on whole cake island to fulfil your weird desire to see zoro punish sanji. I wanted zoro on whole cake island because I think he's stupid enough to right place wrong time the plan and accidentally marry Sanji in full view of the whole wedding party in what becomes the most elaborately constructed comedy of errors ever written. we are NOT the same.

[soodoonimin]

My FAVORITE Poolverine trope is Wade and Logan mutual pining and the ONLY reason Logan doesn’t believe Wade is serious is because of how much he flirts with him and like literally EVERYONE else 😂😂

Like Logan isn’t shy about his feelings at all but he’s also been hurt too many times before and even though he has a healing factor that doesn’t mean a broken heart doesn’t still hurt and the last person he wants to be hurt by is Wade fucking Wilson. So he thinks the only reason Wade flirts with him is because that’s just how he is and Wade is like “IM LITERALLY FLIRTING SO HARD WHEN WITH YOU, IS THAT METAL SKULL OF YOURS SO THICK THAT YOU CAN’T TELL WHEN SOMEONE WANTS YOU?!”

[googoogagahearteyes]

Just a statistic I’m interested in finding out :)

Like for me it would depend on who it was etc etc but overall still a yes bc it would be funny yknow

[dcxdpdabbles]

Would you ever consider writing out the Alley Boyfriends?

Tim's favorite brand of coffee since childhood- for one could not follow Batman and Robin around without losing some sleep- had always been the Heart Attack Coffee. It was known for its high levels of sugar and caffeine, with the added bonus of being cheap.

Heart Attack Coffee grew from a small family-run booth in Gotham's street market to five stores in Gotham, three in Bludhaven, and even one in Metropolis.

Their menu comprises about sixty percent of various coffees, but there are teas, fruit waters, and even pastries.

They rolled out signature drinks per season, and Tim was always the first one in line when the new menu was revealed. He preferred the winter ones- mainly because they were hot and always had a special kick to his coffee compared to the spring and summer that tended to lean more towards ice dreams like teas or fruit waters.

Tim adored Heart Attack with all his might. He collected their special cups, a book on all the different flavors he tried, and even cried for three hours straight after learning the Heart Attack team had made drinks inspired by the Bats.

He doesn't think he drank anything but the Red Robbin Rush for the three months the promotion ran. Yes, his heart was beating like a hummingbird in his chest the whole time, and he was a bit jitty, but it was worth it.

Then came the terrible day Bruce found out just how much caffeine was inside Heart Attack's coffee. Not enough to shut them down with health violations but enough to worry him.

He forbids the family from Heart Attack, suggesting another cafe that were safer. The thing is, Tim does not drink any other coffee. He tried of course, but unless he was the one that made it, the other coffee never came close!

That was Tim's coffee. His special coffee. He had one every day (that he was in town and not away on a mission) so much so the employees knew him by name and what time he usually showed up.

Sean, the morning cashier at the closest branch to WE, would have an experimental drink prepared for him. Sean would let him test out possible new flavors!

That's how valued he was as a customer.

Don't get him wrong, Tim tried to follow Bruce's mandatory boycott. But by the third day, his headache was killing him, and his hands were starting to get itchy.

Not only that. His whole day just felt off when he skipped out on his morning coffee or his after-work coffee. Tam had caught him re-organizing his office at least five times because his office just didn't feel right anymore. It wasn't balanced.

On the fourth day, he walked into a Heart Attack, and Sean smiled at him. He had a blond expresso Rush halfway made when Tim reached the counter. "Welcome back, Tim."

He placed a fifty in the tip jar grinning at the employee. He took his first sip of the golden nectar and felt his very soul breathe as it settled in his stomach. "Good to be back"

Tim figured that Bruce wouldn't notice because, frankly his adoptive dad wasn't the most observant when it came to Tim's habits. He got away with it for about a month.

Then came the faithful day Bruce reminded him why he was Bartman.

"I'm sorry, Tim, you've been placed on the Do not Serve Coffee list." Sean winces, showing the binder to the stunned CEO.

"I've been banned!?" He chokes, running his eyes over his own face in picture form. "What did I do!?"

"Not banned. You can still order caffeine-free teas or fruit waters." Sean reassures, but it means nothing. His apologies and his explanations mean nothing.

Sean-who he was half sure had been flirting with Tim for months- suddenly meant nothing.

Bruce has bought out Heart Attack was nearest WE in an effort to get Tim to cut back on his coffee intake. The man knew he did not like drinking any other brand, didn't function right without it, and still chose to pull this stunt.

Well, if he thought Tim wouldn't drive ten minutes to the next nearest Heart Attack, he was sorely mistaken. He got up twenty minutes early- and Tim loves to sleep okay. Just because he can't have too much of it with his busy life didn't mean he didn't adore sleep- and drove himself there to make sure he was on time for WE.

The employee gave him the same spiel, holding that dreaded binder. Bruce had also gotten to this branch. But Tim knew that while the branches could be bought out, the name was trademarked, so Bruce couldn't own them all!

He tried the Heart Attack that was thirty minutes away, showing up late to work due to him not planning the traffic for the morning rush, and still did not succeed in getting coffee.

. Then he tried the one that forty minutes, on the complete opposite side of his work, and that one failed too. By this point, a whole week had gone by since he last had a Heart Attack.

Not even on missions did he go this long. He usually bought those take-home packages when he knew the missions were going to be longer than three days at the most. They wouldn't even sell him that anymore!

The packages were just packs of Heart Attack instant coffee. It wasn't even the real deal!

He was feeling withdrawal; his headaches were getting worse, while his body felt slow with fatigue, and he was snapping at everything and everyone.

Just the other day, he yelled at Tam for sneezing. Sneezing.

Thankfully, she can give out as good as she gets. She reminded Tim why she was the one who tended to call all the shots around the office despite what others believed.

His skin was starting to burn, which didn't make sense since caffeine withdrawal did not include itchiness, but he couldn't stop scratching. Tim also hasn't slept in a while because his daily evening routines were all off now that he couldn't have Coco Connect!

He thinks he made all of his executives uneasy with his fidgeting and nasty scowl at the last meeting because he couldn't sit still when all he could think of was Heart Attack.

The last Heart Attack, the one right at the edge of the city, the one that was only a street away from Crime Alley and happened to be a forty-five-minute commute for both Wayne Manor and WE, was his last hope.

Out of all of the branches, this one was the least impressive. It was cramped with only three tables, the walls were painted a dark brown, and the light setting was all low.

It was nothing like the bright and spacious atmosphere of the other branches. It was even squished between two large buildings, the narrow doorway making it hard to even see. Tim was sure Bruce had not found this one yet.

When he pushed the door open, he jumped slightly at the chime from the bells on the door. His anxiety had been climbing to ridiculous levels, he needed his coffee.

At the counter, a boy who looked his age glanced up from his red bulky phone. He quickly slipped it into his pocket, giving Tim a friendly, if slightly bored smile. "Can I help you?"

Tim raced towards him, nearly tripping over his own feet. There was a slight note of deranged desperation in his voice as he responded. "Please, I just want a cup of coffee."

The boy nods, pressing a few buttons on his little cheap register. "What kind would you like?"

Tim's heart swelled with hope. "I want a large Blond Expresso Rush and a-"

The boy stops. He looks up slowly at the time, squinting his eyes as if trying to see into Tim's mind. Then, with a slow movement, he reached under the counter to withdraw a very familiar binder.

Tim's eyes burn with unshed tears as the stranger flips through the binder before stopping on a particular page. "I'm sorry, sir, but you are on the Don't Serve Coffee list. I can offer you some tea instead-"

"NO!" Tim yells, causing the employee to jerk back. He knows he must look like a mess, with tears rolling down his face, but he doesn't care. This was his last chance. He can't make it to the branches in Bludhaven or Metropolis, not daily and certainly not without Bruce noticing. " THIS IS THE FIFTH PLACE. BRUCE CAN'T OWN YOU ALL!"

He places his face into his hands and wails. His body is shaking with his sobs, leaning against the counter because he lost all strength to himself up.

The employee stares at him with a strangely understanding expression. "Does this coffee mean that much to you? Is it.... an Obsession for you?"

Tim can only nod because words are hard to push through his cries. The teenager sighs, running a hand through his hair before leaning forward and whispering. "Look, man, I can't give you coffee under the cameras. Meet me in the back alley in twenty minutes, and I'll get you a coffee. Bring Cash."

Tim snaps his head up at once.

"How much? Five hundred, six hundred, or hell, even a thousand? I'll bring whatever you want." He sobbed, knowing he looked sort of pathetic but beyond the point of caring about his dignity.

" Chill, dude, it's a cup of coffee. Three dollars is fine." The other says with a sort of uneasy smile.

"It's not just any coffee! It's my favorite brand, and Bruce bought them out to ensure they wouldn't sell to me anymore!"

The guy holds up his hands. "Okay, okay, this coffee means a lot to you. I get it. Twenty minutes alright?"

Tim stumbles his way outside, reaching for his wallet. He has no cash, but he says an ATM is not too far down the street. He all but runs there and sprints back with a crispy twenties.

He stopped at a local flower store to ask if they would break it for him and was told he needed to buy something first. Not wanting to meet the coffee angel, he picks out a lovely bouquet of lavender roses.

He gets four dollars as his change and races back to the Alley behind Heart Attack. Just in time, too, because the back door opens and out strolls the cashier with a large travel container.

Tim throws the cash and flowers into his hands to rip off the lid and check the inside. It's a Blond Expersso Rush. Even just a sniff has something in him settling. He takes a sip, and all is right with the world for the first time in a while.

"That good?" The boy asks with a slight grin. Tim hums, smiling back as he takes another sip. "I'm glad. Want your flowers back?"

Huh? Oh yeah, he bought those. He shakes his head. "Keep them. Think of it as a thanks for doing this."

"Cool. Never had flowers as a tip before." He jokes, taking a sniff of the roses with a broader grin. "Name's Danny, by the way."

"Tim. Nice to meet you."

"You too."

Tim tips his head back, letting the coffee burn down his throat. It's hot, but that hardly matters. Danny's mouth drops. "Dude, maybe wait for it to not be so hot?"

"I can't." He whines, downing the cup's contents, and only after it's all gone does he realize he forgot to savor it. He throws it over his shoulder in the direction of the trash can. "I don't know when I'll get a chance like this again."

"Don't worry about that. I'll make you more whenever you want. Here, have my number and text me when you're on your way so I can-"

Tim throws himself onto Danny. The other fumbles with the flowers, trying to hold them and Tim simultaneously, but Tim doesn't care. "You are the best person I have ever met! I think I love you!"

The other laughs, patting his hair. "I'm glad. You've been the first to give me flowers, so you're cool, too."

"When do you get off shift? I'll treat you to dinner."

"It's not a big deal, dude."

"I insist!"

"Well if you insist. I just finished, actually. Where do you have in mind?"

Tim leans back to smile at Danny, unaware of the two shadows that leap away from the still-embraced couple. They arrived sometime after Tim finished his cup, unaware he had drunk it since it was lying on the group near the other discarded cups in the trash.

They only saw Tim in the arms of a boy, holding flowers, which represented "Love at First Sight," and the way they heard Tim offer to buy him dinner.

"See B? Tim wasn't buying coffee. He was just meeting his crush!"

"Hmm. Based on what we saw, it's safe to say boyfriend. No one is comfortable with someone unless they have known them for a while."

"I think your right. I wonder when Tim will bring him over to meet the family?"

"Try not to push too much Nightwing. You know T values his privacy."

They both smile at each other knowingly, and even though Bruce suppresses it right away for his Batman persona they don't forget what they saw.

They pretend not to notice every time Tim disappears or that his GPS puts him back in that alley. They'll wait till he's ready to tell them. Besides, the barista seems good to him; Tim is far more energetic and bright these days.

A month goes by like this, where Tim is back to his normal self, no longer needing coffee to be happy. Bruce pats himself ion the back for his plan to help cut him off working so well.

Even though he seems to be texting constantly on his phone.

Neither Dick nor Bruce noticed the narrow eye stare of worry that Jason aimed at Tim whenever he slipped away to meet Danny. He has theories on what is inside those strange containers, but he hasn't gotten close enough to confirm his suspicions yet.

Jason prays he's wrong.

He waits until he knows Tim is gone (he is not. He likes to hide in the cave's shadows to overhear the latest family gossip) before turning to Bruce and Dick.

"Tim's on drugs! I've caught him trading cash for small containers in a shady alley six times. We need an intervention."

Predictably both men freak out.

"What?! I thought that was his boyfriend!" Dick wails, looking over all the pictures of Tim and Danny standing in an alley trading cash, flowers, and containers that Jason took.

"I also thought that was Tim's boyfriend, but if it's a drug dealer, we have to help him," Bruce grunts, eyes hard as he now sees Danny Fenton in a new, less favorable light.

And Tim, who is still hiding in the cave's shadows overhead, can only whisper a heartfelt "shit."

He rips out his phone to text Danny as the rest of the Bats below begin plotting. Thank goodness they don't know what Danny has been giving him exactly. Maybe they can steal Bruce's and Dick's ideas.

Meanwhile, Danny's tiny apartment across the city is starting to appear like a greenhouse with all the flowers Tim has been giving him. His small slip of loving flowers was all Tim needed to hear.

He's taken it as a personal challenge to always have some flowers for Danny as a thank-you for the coffee he made for him.

It was nice. It helped get rid of the boredom his life had developed. He looked forward to Tim's presence. He hadn't had this much fun or clicked as easily with someone since Sam or Tucker.

"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear," Danny grins as his phone dings and Tim's picture flashes on his screen.

If anyone asks you're my secret boyfriend who been making me teas in allies

Danny stares at the screen momentarily, before shrugging and texting back a confirmation. "Who the hell would believe that? But I've had a boring week, so yeah, I'm down to be a pretend boyfriend."

He's never met any of Tim's family, but he doesn't think they will be too hard to fool.

[dynamic-power]

The four of them are sitting in Robin's living room watching a movie when Robin's mom pops her head in and says that the pizza had arrived. Steve and Robin stand from the couch immediately, pushing and shoving at each other to get to the kitchen first. Nancy and Eddie stay behind, heads tilted together as they talk and giggle in hushed tones.

By the time Nance and Ed have made it to the kitchen, Robin and Steve have made it back to the couch. Robin's mom joins them after a moment, sitting in one of the chairs they've pulled in from the dining table to seat all five of them.

As Robin reaches over to try and pluck a piece of pepperoni from Steve's pizza, Steve catches Robin's mom watching them with a fond smile and twinkling eyes.

Steve knows that look. That's the look of a mother who thinks Steve is the perfect boyfriend to their daughter.

He spots a flash of curls before the couch sinks down beside him. He can divert Robin's mom's attention and show her that he and Robin really are just friends. Nancy won't mind. She'll understand and play along, so he lets his hand drift out to grip her thigh. "Hey, baby, do you think -"

Only his palm doesn't land on the cotton of Nancy's skirt. It touches rough denim instead.

He should snatch his hand back, should apologize and explain, but as his eyes meet the wide, startled gaze of Eddie, he freezes.

Eddie's eyes flash up to Robin, then to her mom, and Steve realizes that Eddie has understood. A warm palm slides onto his and dexterous fingers flip his hand over and twine with his own. "Think what, sweetheart?"

Gooseflesh rushes up his arm as Eddie's rough thumb begins to stroke his hand, and he swallows down a potentially embarrassing noise. "Um. Do you think your uncle would mind if you stayed with me tonight?"

Eddie smiles at him, wide and bright and disarming. "No, I don't think he'd mind. Parents out of town again?"

Robin's mom has diverted her gaze back to the TV, but Robin and Nancy are now staring at them with wide eyes. He ignores them. "Yeah."

"Big, spooky house too much for you?" Before Steve can reply, Eddie shifts closer to him and settles against Steve's side. "I'll protect you, sweetheart."

They watch the rest of the movie that way. Steve finds it a little odd to finish eating using his wrong hand, but for some reason, he can't bring himself to let go of Eddie.

[the-witchhunter]

DP x DC: Ghost x Family

So, back on my cute romcom BS

So the premise. Dani, as Danny's speed grown clone, wasn't the most physically stable. Turns out, it's really hard to speed grow a clone, and even harder when ectoplasm is involved. There's not enough time for the structures to properly stabilize and that leaves the cellular structure pretty weak and prone to breaking down into goo. The ecto dejecto was just a temporary solution and other measures were needed

aka Dani had to essentially grow a body from scratch the old fashion way, so she's now physically her actual age minus a couple months

So Danny, at the age of 20, is the father of a 4 year old Dani and is trying to keep a low profile in Gotham. His and his daughter's existence is still illegal, and being the single father of a 4 year old ghost girl isn't exactly easy. Now Danny has to deal with the very real threat of CPS being called on him by a neighbor, and trying to get Dani into school without either of them having papers for their assumed identity of Danny and Dani Nightingale and money to by fake documents. He'd ask Tucker, but that requires braking radio silence and potentially putting a target on all three of their backs.

Danny, desperate, asks his neighbor Jason to pose as his significant other for a meeting. Jason agrees, but things escalated and frankly he's now emotionally invested and committing to the bit

So now he and Danny have legally been married for about 4 months according to the papers Babs made them. The fake ID, birth certificates, SSNs, and high school diploma for the Nightingales were simple enough for her to do, but man Jason is going to owe her a BIG favor for this.

They move in together, Dani goes to a good private school, Jason is effectively Danny's sugar daddy paying for a sizable chunk of all this, and they are committing to the loving married couple bit, which is hard to do when the new in-laws are detectives

The best part?

Danny has not figured out Jason is the Red Hood, and Jason doesn't know about the ghost stuff. The only one that does? Dani, and she is physically and mentally 4 and watching Jason and Danny fall in love

oh the shenanigans

OR

I've been watching SPY x FAMILY and just need the fake relationship/family turns into a real relationship/found family dynamic. Jason is basically Loid, Danny is pretty much Yor, Dani fills the role of Anya, and uncle Dick is Yuri, except he's doting on Dani.

Dick is a smart man, but I love the headcanon that Jason is his emotional blindspot. Jason? MY Littlewing? He couldn't possibly.

[sgt-tombstone]

Marriage Fraud

John MacTavish and Kyle Garrick had gotten married at 15:00 on a Tuesday afternoon in October. There was little fanfare; the civil ceremony took place in the Register Office closest to base with Price and Gaz’s sister as witnesses. They had signed their names on the dotted lines with a flourish, had kissed each other through crooked, boyish grins, and that had been that.

John MacTavish and Kyle Garrick hadn’t dated for a single day prior to their nuptials, with the exception of a week-long drunken bet during basic that both of them had been too stubborn to back out of, and their engagement had lasted the legally-required 28 days. It was marriage fraud, plain and simple; the two men had met in basic training and had forged a brotherhood in between grueling days and sporadic nights, and then the pact was formed. Both of them had gotten thoroughly sick and tired of living in the barracks and relying on mess hall food and, without any long-term significant others to pop the question to, they had decided to take matters into their own hands. When they both passed SAS selection, both setting new records, it had seemed like a sign.

The marriage pact had been Kyle’s idea, so Johnny had been the one to propose, if his half-slurred, half-asleep suggestion could even be called a proposal, but Gaz had readily agreed and the next morning, they had burst into Price’s office, demanding both his blessing and presence at the ceremony. His eyebrows had disappeared into his hairline and he had nearly choked to death on his cigar smoke, but he had agreed to both nonetheless.

That had been over three years ago.

In the three years since, as they climbed the ranks from Private to Corporal to Sergeant, the topic of their marriage hardly ever came up. They wore their respective rings, both made from recycled bullet casings, on their right hands instead of their left, and they never mentioned it to anyone. If anyone wondered how they had gotten permission to live off base or why they commuted to work more often than not, no one ever thought to ask them, and they never volunteered any answers. They shared their house like roommates, respecting both each other’s privacy and dating lives, which were few and far between. Dating in the military was hard enough without being Spec Ops, so any relationship either of them ever had never lasted long enough for their fake marriage to ever be remotely close to an issue.

And then the 141 was formed.

It was a dream come true for both of them. They had both already been SAS under Price’s command, but the specialization of the task force brought a certain job security that ensured their continued cohabitation. The SAS’s base of operations was in Herefordshire, so that’s where Soap and Gaz had bought their house, but there had always been the threat of relocation to any of the other British Army bases across the world, and there was no guarantee that they would have been transferred together. The 141, however, was a cohesive unit, a permanent placement. Wherever one went, the rest were sure to follow.

The task force also brought Ghost.

At first, Johnny hadn’t given Ghost much thought, especially where his fake marriage was concerned. Ghost didn’t seem the type to concern himself overmuch with the personal details of his teammates, up to and including their sexual orientations, living situations, or marital statuses. He himself lived off base, courtesy of being a commissioned officer rather than enlisted, and never seemed to devote a first thought, much less a second one, to Soap and Gaz’s own off-base housing. More often than not, they were in the field anyway, which limited nearly every avenue of personal conversation and, after nearly four years of their marriage being little more than a technical detail on a form somewhere, both Soap and Gaz often forgot that they were even married in the first place.

So Soap didn’t think much of it when he started flirting with Ghost over the comms. Ghost was a scary son of a bitch, but that had always been his type, and he couldn’t deny that the mask did something for him. Hell, everything about Ghost did something for him. It had started as banter, really, but Soap loved to toe the line, and it was a slippery slope that he was all too eager to throw himself down. What was truly shocking was Ghost’s own willingness to play along. And then the flirting turned into… more. Turned into casual physical touch that Ghost would’ve slit anyone else’s throat for even thinking about initiating, turned into whispered promises in the backs of helos before missions, turned into kisses pressed into gloved knuckles and masked cheeks.

And suddenly, Soap realized that his marriage might be an issue.

His relationship with Ghost, while technically undefined, was by far the most serious and potentially long-lasting relationship he’d had since signing his marriage license. Most of the people he had dated over the years hadn’t been military and had quickly grown tired of the inconsistency, the missed birthdays and anniversaries, the lack of communication while he’d been on mission, and the lack of leave time in general. But not Ghost, because Ghost got it. Half of the time, Ghost was right there in the field with him. There wasn’t any inconsistency with them, no lack of leave time to grumble over, no shortage of communication between them, both in person and over comms. Their relationship worked for exactly the same reasons why his and Gaz’s non-relationship had worked for so long: they both understood.

And suddenly, Soap realized that, after four years of hiding a marriage to his best friend in the world from quite literally everyone he knew, he’d have to fess up. Not only that, he’d have to file for divorce, which was something that neither he nor Gaz had taken into consideration when they had signed their names in the Register Office all those years ago.

It all came to a head when Johnny got injured in the field. Nothing major, just a few broken bones and a hell of a concussion, but he had woken up to Gaz and Ghost sitting on either side of his hospital bed, Gaz’s clear contrition only matched by Ghost’s clear confusion. The first question out his mouth was why Gaz was listed as Soap’s next of kin and emergency contact, which snowballed into a full confession, corroborated by Price when he stuck his head in to check on Soap a few minutes later.

Ghost, after recovering from his initial shock, found the entire situation hilarious and, months later, after both the divorce papers and the new notice of marriage had gone through, took delight in calling himself Johnny’s second husband, which never failed to make any rookie caught eying the sergeant shake in their boots at the thought of what someone like Ghost did to Johnny’s first husband. Soap and Gaz still wore their rings, because they had always been more like friendship bracelets than anything else, and Johnny’s left ring finger was quickly occupied by a silver ring made from one of Simon’s ID Discs.

Gaz was disappointed about having to move back into on-base housing, but it didn’t last long because Price had been waiting for four years for his sergeants to figure their shit out and file for divorce so that he could make his move and he wasn’t about a waste a single second. And if anyone accused them of moving too quickly, well… they were all military men, after all.

[weatherbane]

area Durge willing to experience potentially unrequited love as long as they get to try brand new things such as TouchTM

[blueseysyogurt]

im sure this has been done before but idc

art creds: group drawing -sas milledge from raven boys graphic novel ronan pfp - auro cyanide on deviantart and tumblr kavinsky pfp - maggie stiefvater

[mattstunsgf]

texts with bf!matt x reader with glasses

short as shit but eh

based on this request!

[skully-drawls]

So what if Bruno just took one? Adopted one?

This is @sejii's fault (and so is the kitten hold). I heard, "Bruno takes one calling for help" then my brain RAN with it.

[casualavocados]

Learn from who? Learn from you?

Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)

[allastoredeer]

I don’t know why but I think it would be hilarious to see how Alastor and Lucifer would react to a reporter asking about their relationship in ur fic, since they would need to keep their facade and such.

Lucifer probably teaching Alastor how to act, since he has ‘more experience’ in romance, while Alastor reminds him that he has been dumped two times and doesn’t trust a single thing. That mental image is so priceless 😆😆

Also imagine a reporter going like “everyone in hell want to know who tops in bed?”, and lucifer almost proud goes “ofc it’s me”, meanwhile Alastor ace ass is confused as hell, cause he isn’t familiar with the term, but feels offended nonetheless lmao

Meanwhile vox is crying and eating ice cream in bed

Yes, Vox is watching this and he is crying, sobbing, on the floor.

Hehehehe Lucifer is going to have his work cut out for him in the fic, though. He's got more experience than Alastor does, and knows how to at least come off as being in a typical, allosexual relationship.

Alastor is sitting there, zoning out, because hhhhhhhhhh why does this require more effort than he thought it would.

Alastor: Let's pretend to be in a relationship

Alastor when he actually has to pretend to be in a relationship:

[13eyond13]

the way they're saying I need to kill you yet also hello my love all at once here lmao

[lionneee]

Perfect Match

English is not my first language, please be kind

Masterlist

Taglist

•Warnings: oral sex, fake relationship, talking of sexual themes, oral sex, smut.•

Modern!Aemond x Fem!Reader

Part One -> Part Two -> Part Three -> Part Four

Getting drunk was actually something they enjoyed doing with the rest of their friends.

Inebriate every sense of the body and forget about everything. 

It was her best moment of her weekends.

Aemond started enjoying it the first time he went to a club with her, or to a party. 

“Fuck, yes!” She moaned loudly as she kept jumping on his cock, looking at herself in the mirror as they sat on a stranger's bed.

“Yeah, keep riding me like that — Fuck, yes -“ He moaned as he looked at her ass wiggling every time she sank back down.

She got all hornied up and she couldn’t keep her hands off of him.

Tonight was no exception.

After sitting on his thight for at least half an hour, making out with him as there was no end, she grabbed his hand and dragged him into the bathroom.

They could hear that one of the cabinet was already occupied with someone already fucking in there, but she didn’t budge, she simply opened another cabin, the one as far as the other and pushed him against the wall.

She smiled up at him as she started kissing his chest, making Aemond's eyes flutter shut, his breathing becoming more ragged. He gripped the back of her neck, holding her against his chest, his fingers tangling in her hair, gently pulling on it.

"Keep going, baby. Don't stop." He groaned as she hummed, kissing him lower and lower.

Aemond's grip on her neck tightened as she kept moving lower on his body, his breathing becoming more labored as his skin burned where her lips touched. 

"Goddamn, baby. You really know how to get me going." He groaned lowly, his hands pushing her head lower.

She smiled as he stepped forward, away from the wall and put his hand on the top of her head, holding your hair, guiding you just inches from the bulge in his pants. 

He swallowed hard, his voice coming out in a hoarse whisper

"Go on, baby. You know what I want."

She knelt on the floor as she unbuckled his belt, taking it off slowly as she looked up at him with her sweet, innocent eyes. He knew she was everything but.

Aemond watched her with rapt attention, his eyes darkened with lust as she undid his belt. He bit back a moan as his eyes met her, her innocent and sweet gaze combined with her position was enough to make his head reel.

"Don't tease me, baby." He warned, his voice tense. She took off his belt slowly, licking the full length as she pulled it off.

Aemond's breath hitched as she took off his belt, he gripped the base of her hair, his fingers tight in her locks, watching the way she worked. It was torturous, watching her tease him like that.

"Goddamn, princess. Stop playing around." He growled, his voice tight "I want those lips on me, now."

She kept smirking as she slowly unbuttoned his pants, kissing the skin  just above the waistband of his pants.

Aemond closed his eyes, his head tilted back against the wall as he felt her lips on his skin, he sucked in a harsh breath, trying to hold back all the curses that wanted to come out.

He was incredibly turned on.

What she was doing to him, teasing him like that, the anticipation of what he knew she was going to do mixed with the moans of the other couple fucking was all extremely erotic, and he could feel it in his pants.

"Jesus Christ, baby. You're a goddamn tease." He groaned, his fingers still holding her hair tightly. She looked up at him with a smile, a true smile that she rarely had.

She was beautiful.

He knew she only gave him that smile because she was drunk and light headed, but that didn’t make his heart flutter less.

She pulled down his pants, along with his boxers, caressing his thighs as the clothes fell on the floor.

A guttural sound escaped his lips. He leaned his head back, his eyes squeezed close, his breathing becoming ragged as he tried to compose himself

“Just fucking take it.” He hissed  his hand still gripping her hair as he forced her to take him, putting his hands on each side of her head to control her movements. She hummed as she closed her eyes, savoring him, wrapping her hand around his cock and squeezing him at the base. Aemond let out a loud moan as she licked him, his hips involuntarily bucking forward.

He gripped her head tighter, his fingers digging into the back of her hair as he started to take control, his breathing ragged as he started moving her head back and forth, his hips coming to meet her.

"God, baby. You're so goddamn perfect." He gasped as he started to move his hips with urgency, trying to push deeper into her mouth, his body burning with need. "Fuck, baby. You're so damn good at this.” He panted as he looked down at her, seeing the list in her eyes. 

Their sounds were mixing with the other couple’s, the bathroom was filled with pants, occasional banging at the walls and the musing from outside.

“Do you like it when I take control like this? Mh?" His last word was accentuated with a deeper thrust, the tip of his cock hitting the back of her throat, making her gag. She moaned around him as he slipped his hands in her hair, pulling them slightly. “Do you like it when I use you like the whore you are?” He growled as he moved her head, watching her eyes flutter closed, her hand on the base of his cock squeezing him a bit tighter. He grunted as he yanked her wrist away, pulling it behind her with a silent order to keep her arm on her back.

Aemond's eye closed tighter and he let out a low, guttural moan as he hit the back of her throat again. The way she was taking him was driving him crazy, and he wanted nothing more than to see the silhouette of his cock from her neck as he choked her on it.

"Yeah, baby. Suck it. Suck it like it’s your favorite candy." He growled, his hands pulling her head forward, forcing himself deeper into her mouth as she swirled her tongue around him, obeying him and sucking him harder with a little whine, her hand reaching between her legs as she started rubbing her clit from over her panties.

He started to move his hips faster, his eye catching the movements of her hand, making him moan.

"That's it, baby. Touch yourself as I fuck your mouth. Take everything I give you." He panted as he threw his head back, his hands on her hair tightening. "Do you like it when I take control like this? Do you like it when I use you?" He looked down at her again, his voice low and strained as she moaned and whined as she tried to control her gag reflex as she never stopped sucking him.

He moaned when he saw her trying her best as she took him deep into her mouth as he saw her hand moving faster between her legs. It drove him wild, seeing her so eager to please him, seeing how much she’s enjoying him taking control, using her so freely.

"Fucking hell, baby. You're so good at this. I could keep you down there all night, just using your mouth like that." He grunted, his words coming out in a low, strained tone as he thrust his hips forward, pushing himself even deeper into her mouth. She moaned even louder as she pushed her head forward until her nose pressed against his pubic bone. She stayed there for a few seconds, moving her head from side to side, making Aemond let out a choked moan. He pulled her back for a moment, slipping two of his fingers deep in her mouth and pressing down. "Is this where you like it?" He panted. “You like to take cocks in your mouth?” He pulled his fingers out of her mouth and grabbed her by her neck.

He looked down at her, his eyes dark with desire as she started rubbing herself on his ankle, rubbing her hips desperately as she grinded her wet core on him, seeking the perfect friction to make herself cross the edge. 

“Yes baby —“ He moaned as he looked at her. “Fuck yourselves on me. Rub yourself until you come.” He groaned as she moved even faster, her lips never letting him go, her tongue caressing what fit in her mouth as she whined louder, her legs shaking slightly, her hands gripping his thighs tightly, digging her nails in his skin. He saw her forcing herself to rub again and again, stopping only after a loud moan, panting as she tried to keep sucking him as she came down from her high.

"You won't be able to talk tomorrow, baby." He snarled, completely turned on by the sight of her coming on his ankle. He stepped forward. “But don’t worry, I’ll bring you hot tea in your bed tomorrow if you’ll be good enough now.” He bent his knees and pushed his cock all the way down in her throat with a loud moan. "That's right, princess. Take it all in. Be my good girl.” He growled. "I know you can do this. You'll take everything I give you, won't you?" She moaned desperately as she moved her tongue on him, grabbing his balls in her hand and pulling slightly.

Aemond's breath hitched as she grabbed his stones, a low gasp escaping his lips as she moved her tongue on him, her hand pulling slightly. His body tenses, overwhelmed by the sensation, his mind hazy with pleasure

"Goddamn, baby. You're going to make me lose my

mind." He groaned, his eyes shutting tightly as he threw his head back, his hands holding her head in place

"Keep doing that. Don't stop." he pleaded, his voice strained with pleasure.

She pulled his balls again, massaging them in his hands, choking around him as tears ran down her face, and saliva ran down her chin, making a little pool on the floor. Aemond moaned loudly as she touched his balls, the sight of her choking around him, is too much for him to handle, but when he felt her finger slip behind his ball, pressing dangerously close to his asshole and putting pressure, it was definitely over for him.

“God —“

He kept her head firmly in his hands as he gave the few last thrusts before coming inside her mouth.

“Swallow. I want to see you swallow.” He ordered as he arched forward, still spanning from his orgasm as he saw a bit of his semen spill from her lips. She moaned loudly as she licked him, her mouth warm with his sperm as she swallowed everything.

Aemond watched her, his eyes darkened with pleasure, his chest heaving as he slowly pulled out of her mouth, his body trembling.  He looked down at her, his hands moving to gently caress her face, wiping away the tears and the saliva from her chin. "Holy fuck." He said quietly, his voice hoarse. She stood up, smiling and chuckling as she showed him her tongue, white by his semen. She swallowed as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Her drunken happiness was contagious, and he found himself smiling back at her as he fixed his boxers and pants.

“You’re crazy.” He tried to be a bit grumpy, but it only came out as a silly mock, that only made her chuckle more. He shook his head as he took her hand and pulled her out of the cabin, walking back to the table with all of their friends. He sat on a chair as he watched her taking a drink, hopefully hers, and drink it all down in one gulp. She turned around, ready to walk back to the dancing floor but he caught her hand.

“Stay with me.” He ordered. He looked up at her as she hesitated.

“Are you feeling needy, baby?” She chuckled as she sat on his thigh, her legs between his. He shook his head, trying to feel annoyed, but when she looked so happy it became difficult.

He rarely saw her like this.

“Shut up.” He grunted as he grabbed her face in his hand and pulled her down for a kiss.

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[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Hii!!! Your blog is literally so perfect. Love it.

Could you recommend some more angsty fics where either Derek or Stiles is really insecure and has low self esteem? Happy ending only, if that’s alright. I really appreciate it!

Aw thanks anon! There's already an insecure!stiles tag so I focused on insecure!derek.

The (Tell-Tale) Heart Doesn’t Lie by novemberhush

(1/1 I 100 I General I Sterek)

After a little gentle teasing unexpectedly hits a nerve with Derek Stiles is quick to reassure him that he knows there’s more to the handsome werewolf than just being really, really, really ridiculously good-looking.

I Know the Pieces Fit by shealynn88

(1/1 I 2,700 I Teen)

“Stiles?”

It’s Derek’s voice, quiet in the dark with the low hum of the pack behind him.

Derek's the hardest one for Stiles to understand. Sometimes he thinks…but then it becomes clear, it’s not like that. Derek tolerates him. Appreciates his loyalty, at least. The way Stiles appreciates the brave hiss of a kitten. Cute. Admirable. But not equal.

And Dwell Beneath My Shadow by lielabell

(1/1 I 8,695 I Mature)

Derek is not stupid. He gets why Stiles puts up with him. It's clear every time Stiles looks at him, the spicy scent of lust and arousal Stiles's body can't help but put off. It doesn’t surprise him. Not at all. Derek knows what he looks like, knows that his face and his body are more than enough to compensate for his shitty personality. Stiles wants him more than he is annoyed by him. Nothing more, nothing less. It's not anything to be amazed over, nothing to write home about. Stiles isn't the first-- and most likely won't be the last-- hormone soaked teen who has panted over Derek.

Cliche by adult_disneyprincess (orphan_account)

(2/2 I 9,305 I Teen)

It’s cliché as shit, Stiles thinks. The nerd in love with the punk. He figures he wouldn’t want Derek Hale so much if he didn’t have those fucking tattoos everywhere, didn’t give a shit what people thought about him, and didn’t wear those stupid leather jackets. They’re not the same jacket either, Stiles has counted at least four different ones that the resident punk owns

Cross a Canyon (with a broken limb) by theroguesgambit 

(1/1 I 18,010 I Teen)

“You never graduated,” Stiles says, just to say it. To test it out in the open air. That's... huh.

--

Stiles spends his senior year battling troll-gremlins, taking on an unexpected tutoring job, and definitely not falling for a certain sourwolf (even though everyone else seems to think he is).

Defying Convention by rororowyourboat

(13/13 I 24,331 I Teen)

Stiles is a newly certified fully-trained Spark, and he's on the market to chose a werewolf pack to act as Emissary for. The biggest problem? Almost every pack in North America wants him, and he's supposed to choose a pack at the 3-day conference. But how's he supposed to get to know any of the likely candidates when they're just being so damn polite and respectful?

Derek and his sisters are at the conference with bleak hopes: their pack was decimated by hunters years ago and their caustic attitudes have turned away most potential applicants.

Rarity by peanutbutter4lyfe

(8/8 I 29,837 I Explicit)

Derek let's the guys throw a party for Stiles' 18th at his loft and instantly regrets it. During the party Derek starts acting strangely, his senses going wild. He reads the signs and thinks Scott is his mate. It drives him crazy when Scott doesn't feel the same, until he figures it out... with a little help from Peter.

Thanks for Thumper, But I Prefer Cheeseburgers by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

(1/1 I 58,399 I Teen)

The wolf’s head whipped around so fast, Stiles felt like he was watching The Exorcist.

Stiles wondered if he could just stand still enough to make the wolf think he was a tree. A very bright red and jean-clad tree. He doubted it, but one could hope.

He knew it was a lost cause when the wolf turned fully, lips pulled back from its sharp teeth—so very sharp, good fucking Lord!—and began walking towards Stiles.

“I didn’t see anything!” Stiles shouted, both hands out in front of himself and sweat instantly breaking out across his skin. “I swear to you! I didn’t see anything! I didn’t see anything! I won’t tell anyone! I won’t! I’ll keep this to myself, until the day I die! I promise! I promise!”

You're stronger than you know by Littleredridinghunter

(15/15 I 234,195 I Not Rated)

Stiles survives his encounter with Gerard and his goons, but it isn't easy.

The pack are letting him down again, his dad is not speaking to him, his life is just generally falling apart.

Until he has to get a bronze dagger to kill a siren and his whole world gets flipped on it's head!

My summaries are rubbish but I hope you'll still give it a chance!