#dont get me wrong i love fake relationship that becomes real but hear me out

[camembri]

you wanted zoro to be on whole cake island to fulfil your weird desire to see zoro punish sanji. I wanted zoro on whole cake island because I think he's stupid enough to right place wrong time the plan and accidentally marry Sanji in full view of the whole wedding party in what becomes the most elaborately constructed comedy of errors ever written. we are NOT the same.

[haley770]

glue me by los campesinos! is my favorite song(by my favorite band) ever and it is so so wilmon. literally everything about this song is perfect and beautiful. the lyrics represent wilmon and young royals so much. so lets go through it, shall we?

just a little note: almost nothing about this is in any order of the show(it is in order of the lyrics), basically just what scenes/things i am reminded of by some of the lyrics because so much of it lines up with this amazing show [:

/this song begins with such an amazing line, "the clouds salivating, drooling from the sky at the thought of the trouble to wreck" it is raining. water is such a big component as a metaphor in this show to represent everyones feelings. (thank you @tvmicroscope i love your analysis') its also just such a beautiful way to describe the rain as well, the clouds salivating, oh my god (!!! WTFF thats AMAZING I LOVE IT). and then it continues, "and its high tide, as the sewers rise and the drains have become obsolete" it is flooding. both of these just make me think of how it was raining on wilhelm in the soccer/football field scene. when he was soo fucking high and confused and overwhelmed, his brain was being flooded by so many feelings and emotions. probably conflicting each other. wilhelms entire life as he knew it is falling apart, he lost his brother, his best and only friend. he blames himself. he feels guilty. he is burdened with the title of the crown prince, which is the last thing that wilhelm wants. and most importantly(to him at least) he had to reject the love of his life because the crown prince cannot be gay like that. he felt like he was drowning in all of these emotions. he couldnt handle it, "i cant do this anymore", earlier in this same episode when he yet again rejected simon. but still, he goes on and makes the most amazing(and somewhat embarassing) love confession to simon because that is what he really feels. it is the only thing he can take a chance with for him to feel anything nice. and real. (ily tvmicroscope your analysis' are so beautiful)

/and now simon turns up, "seems theres no place in this town, for something as pure as you seem" wilhelm definitely thought this when simon actually came to rescue him in the middle of the night all like "you came, oh my god you came, im so glad youre here, youre so beautiful" wilhelm was definitely shocked simon actually came, especially after all the back and forth wilhelm put him through. it just further proves how amazing(pure) simon is(for this world/town).

/another heartbreaking one "water to my waist in a shark-infested bin" again reminds me of the football field scene when it was raining. wilhelm is so overwhelmed with everything. the water. he just wants to talk to somebody, but he is surrounded by fake friends who want to use him, people who dont give a shit about him as a person. the sharks. he doesnt have anybody to turn to. so he takes the chance of calling simon.

/this time, i hear simon. "and i heard, that it hurts" it literally echoes simon's "love shouldnt be this difficult" from the season 3 trailer. or maybe even in season 1 where wilhelm completely betrays simons trust and then doesnt understand what he did wrong. its just so heartbreaking for both of them ): especially because simon still loves wilhelm but hes also angry at him. at first, wilhelm didnt want simon to be mad at him because of the drugs, and he wasnt. but now he lied, and their relationship has since changed, and simon is mad at him, rightfully so.

/this one is more direct, "two wrists, two wrist watches. tick-tick-tocking second hands slightly out of time" how many times have watches been brought up or specifically highlighted in just seasons 1 and 2? SO MANY TIMES. (haha get it) we even saw some watches in the season 3 trailer! even boris! "ive had this watch for 40 years and it still works" 40 years is honestly crazy though, what the hell. let me see that watch.

/yet another heartbreaking one, "i requested a room with a view, in the middle of a war between me and you" is literally wilhelm looking at the beautiful lake in season 2 crying because he has completely lost hope for simon and he felt soso alone )): thankfully(...)felice came to rescue him, replacing simon from season 1. parallels am i right?(we did NOT need another kiss between felice and wilhelm. one was enough. or apparently it wasnt i guess)

/and, excuse me, OH MY GODD, i can HEAR wilhelm telling simon: "ill be gloomy til they glue me in the arms of [he] who loves me, til the rats and worms are all interned at least five feet above we" he will not give up on simon until he is sure there is no hope left(which we saw in season 2 until the valentines day ball kiss, also in the previous paragraph). another scene that fits is how wilhelm asked simon to hold him ): and finally, just wille being silly (the rats and worms because rats and worms are inherently silly like come on) reminds me of their 'date' by the water in s1e5, but its also so sweet because he is saying he wants to be together with simon until death. which is really the only thing wilhelm definitely wants(as well as for august to rot in hell, or jail, either works but both would be best, but thats besides this point).

/then simon, "[he] smiled, at a joke" just in general how happy he is when theyre together. this reminds me of the lake 'date' again and how totally in love simon looked whenever he was looking at wilhelm. as well as the laugh at the end of s2e5 after wilhelm closed the curtains, im glad theyre healing and can laugh about that.

/once again, excuse me, THE FOOTBALL REFERENCES(its los campesinos' thing to have a lot of football/soccer references in their lyrics but i dont really know much about football/soccer, i just know the references are there) WITH THE WHOLE FOOTBALL METAPHOR AND HOW FOOTBALL=SOMETHING REAL(from what i remember about the tvmicroscope analysis, read it if you havent it was so amazing and it was just so nice to actually see someone take the time to go through the show and each clip and write everything down, i am not very good at spotting metaphors but i love reading about them). but we have roshs great line, "rowing isnt a sport. football is a sport." very insightful for this entire metaphor. i guess you could say when they were at rosh's football/soccer game for these lyrics, but i think thats a bit boring, sorry. i would also like to note that, because of my non-existent knowledge on football/soccer, i chose not to talk about them in detail because i really dont understand the references in the song. from what i do know and so we are on the same page, the references are "im diving into headers, put this pretty face where the boots are flying in" | "but we connected like a yeboah volley" | and "of missed panenka penalty" as well as the chant at the end of the song, but i will actually talk about that in depth because it isnt very specific. there might be more(probably) but im not 100% sure about them.

/finally, we have the entire ending, "ex-boyfriend, boyfriend, give us a song" repeating. another football reference by los camp! which also fits the young royals narrative. the repetition is used as a chant for football, a play on "give us a wave". firstly, the valentines day ball comes to mind. this scene is showing simon who he really(again football is a real sport, thank you tvmicroscope) loves at the valentines day ball, hence him chasing after and kissing wilhelm. he also previously said he couldnt fall in love with marcus, "it just feels like he likes me for real" and "i just dont understand why i cant fall in love with him" ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD. too bad he didnt take the hint back then. also(unrelated) he couldnt even spell marcus' name right. "Hej Markus" seriously simon? too bad he never sent that text. they could have potentially broken up sooner. and then at the end of the valentines ball when marcus wille is listening to his ex-boyfriend his boyfriend sing a song he wrote about HIM(despite him being unaware of this fact until the next episode). it is such a crucial moment in season 2's whole plotline(and wilhelms sanity). next, this reminds me how he literally fell in love with simon when he was singing for him when he was being welcomed to hillerska. the glance around at erik and august like "are you seeing this shit?" or "are we watching the same thing?" look because of simon is so iconic. and the smile is so sweet. his first gay panic experience. moving on, it reminds me of how they sang the same song together later in this same episode "it takes a fool to remain sane". finally, when wilhelm was PISSED because simon couldnt sing his song at the jubilee(and they broke up yet again) and he asked jan olaf about it. he really wanted to see simon perform that for him ): and for simon to be able to perform his song and be happy. at least wilhelm was able to give his wonderful speech. really i am so proud of him, nobody could have expected this from him, especially at this point. not even simon! "it was a.. um.. a moment i didnt want to share, with anyone else, so i lied about it". he has matured so much in such little time, he didnt even want to give this speech either. he shouldnt have to. his anxiety must have been through the roof and he probably threw up afterwards. and of course the infamous consequences. the only reason the queen talks with her son. at least he has simon with him now to hold him when it gets too much(no more fights season 3 please i beg i cant handle it after season 2, the ending did kind of make up for it all though). i got a little off topic but you get the point. also, i brought each of these different scenes up because the ending specifically repeated this lyric several times, like all of these different moments line up. its literally wilmons song, you cant tell me otherwise.

well, that was a lot. i have been thinking about this for WEEKS. months even. and while i typically wouldnt post something like this, i put soso much thought into writing this. like ive actually put so much thought into this its driving me insane. its literally wilmons song, in my opinion. i also just needed a reason to talk about my favorite song and band and relate it to my favorite show. please listen to the song(or anything by los camp! theyre AMAZING). thats really all i need in life, for more people to hear this masterpiece.

🩷💜 thank you💜🩷

i dont know if i will ever do anything like this again, perhaps. im not sure. i did actually enjoy writing this though. i didnt originally plan on writing anything significant but i got carried away. i was supposed to be drawing more wilmon, i want to finish it before season 3 is officially out but it is just so detailed📚. someone yell at me to finish the drawing PLEASE ! time is ticking but its so fucking DETAILED and TEDIOUS. oh my god theres only a week left WHAT THE FUCKK. anyways i loved this [: very fun!

[if there are any typos or just flat out mistakes, either no there isnt or just let me know, i probably wont fix it but i appreciate it. i also want to say i am aware i am HORRIBLE at staying on topic i just had so many things ive wanted to say]

💜

[i-like-writing-stuff]

sorry [five hargreeves x reader]

request: wanted to say I love ur 5 fics and how you portray their relationship as old partners :”) 💖If it’s not trouble to do (Dont feel obligated plz) I had this idea of 5 and reader having a fight and them being too prideful or bitter to apologize. Reader ignores him for some time and Five gets grumpier than usual bc of that. To the point where, one of his siblings tell him to just stop being children, apologize and give them flowers. But he finds it hard bc he is not good with that kinda of stuff ☺️

a/n: thank youuu <3, i try my best to keep the tua characters in... well, character lol- as much as possible! i hope this fic turned the way you wanted it, anyway- enjoy!!~

summary: five gets grumpy when his girlfriend gives him the silent treatment for being a jerk... shocker.

“Could you stop for one damn second and relax?!” You yelled at your boyfriend, already stressed out by the way he had been almost carving a hole through the floor of the living room with all his pacing.

“Relax?!” Five yelled, turning to glare at you, “Do you even realize how stupid you sound?! How could I relax- I lost my last lead on that fucking eye!”

“Come again?” You raised a brow, crossing your arms as you watched him curiously. Did he just call you stupid indirectly?

Your nerves were tugging at the last threads of patience you had left within you- they had been doing that for a few days. You knew that life wouldn’t be quiet when you decided to give a relationship with your partner a shot, but you never expected things to get so messy.

Not only you followed his grumpy butt all the way to 2019 to stop an apocalypse- which you couldn’t care less about, now you had been stuck in your younger bodies because he miscalculated something before traveling in time. On top of all that, he had been a jerk to his siblings- which you grew quite fond of and viceversa, he also started being an asshole to you, all because he couldn’t find a way to stop the apocalypse.

“Five Hargreeves, did you just call me stupid?” You asked, seeing that he was frozen in place, going back over his words in his mind.

“Not exactly.” He knitted his brows in confusion, before realizing the irritated look on your face, “I don’t have time for this, Y/N.”

“You think I had any time these past two years putting up with your shit?” You retorted, making him raise his brows in surprise by your sudden burst, “Screw you, asshole.”

“Now that was rude!” He yelled after you, once you started walking out of the room, completely ignoring him, “Y/N!”

You had been with the Commission for over four decades, you completely trusted its choices, since you never were given a reason not to. Well, that was until the Handler recruited Five Hargreeves. He was about four-five years older than you, but nonetheless still had the impeccable skills of an assassin- just what the organization wanted and needed.

You, being one of the Handler’s most trusted agents, she assigned him under your wing in the beginning until he’d get adjusted. So, he became your partner, it didn’t take long until he became your partner in the real sense of the word.

Five was in love with you- stupidly in love with you. He loved your wit and your kindness, he loved that he could have intellectual conversations with you for hours on end, he loved the fact that he’d feel whole again with just one look at your face, your smile, your eyes.

But he was a prideful man, he knew that. If he was wrong- which he rarely was, he had no intention of apologizing. You knew how important stopping the apocalypse was to him, but... it pained you to see him almost lose his shit completely when he loses the last remaining lead.

For the next couple of hours, you completely avoided him at all costs until he’d get that stick out of his ass and apologize. 

And he’d better have a grand way of doing it.

You knew that it was not like him- he’d never apologize, and the fact that you were avoiding him was not making it any easier on him, but you were beyond pissed. Even if he may not have meant it, all you tried to do was help him relax for a moment, take a breather before that pretty head of his would explode. And in return? 

In return, Five fucking Hargreeves continues being an asshole- what a surprise.

“Jesus, where did all the caffeine in this house go?!” Five groaned, searching the cupboards in the kitchen, feeling grumpier than usual.

“I told you- dad didn’t like it.” Allison reminded him, as she and Luther sat at the table, watching him in confusion, “What’s got into you?”

“What are you talking about?” He asked, not done yet with his search- he wanted at least something that felt like coffee, “Come on- we don’t even have... coffee flavored fucking chocolate or some shit like that..?” He mumbled, shutting the cupboard with a loud smack.

“She means... you’re... grumpier... than usual...” Luther hesitantly explained, afraid that his little-older psychotic brother might have finally snapped.

“Mind your business, will ya?” Five asked with a fake smile, stomping out of the kitchen.

“I love Y/N, I swear I do... and oddly enough, Five too.” Allison spoke up, “But honestly, what was she thinking becoming his girlfriend?”

“I am just happy for her they’re not married.” Luther shrugged, resting his hand on his palm, as Diego walked into the kitchen;

“Is it just me or is Five a lesser ray of sunshine than usual?”

The following day, you treated Five with the same coldness as the prior day, which really drove him insane. Not only he spent the night in his bed alone, since you decided to bunk for the night in one of the empty rooms, but now you were still giving him the silent treatment.

Luckily, during breakfast, the Hargreeves siblings finally managed to understand what was going on.

“Hey, Diego, do you think we can pay Eudora a visit at the station after breakfast?” You asked the man, “I promised her the other day some files to help with an investigation she has on the side.”

“Sure thing.” Diego smiled, looking forward to seeing the detective again, even if he bickered with her from time to time.

“What files?” Five asked curiously.

“Vanya, can you please pass me the salt?” You ignored him, smiling at his sister.

Vanya raised a brow, unsure what to do, as the other siblings were piecing the puzzle together. Five raised a brow, as you avoided eye contact with him, waiting for the salt shaker which was, ironically, closer to him than Vanya.

“Here.” He said, reaching for it before his sister, handing it to you.

You looked at him with a smile, then at the salt shaker that was waiting on you to pick it from your boyfriend’s hand. Instead, you scoffed, getting up from your seat with your plate in your hands, suddenly losing your appetite.

“I am gonna go change.” You declared, placing your dish in the sink, “Diego, I’ll wait for you in the car.”

“Unbelievable....” Five muttered, throwing the salt shaker somewhere on the table, before abruptly getting up from his seat to pour himself a cup of freshly made coffee- Klaus made sure to stock up since Allison and Luther told him what had happened the other day.

“Why is Y/N giving you the cold shoulder?” Diego asked his brother, raising a brow.

“Leave me alone.” Five muttered, leaving the room even grumpier, with his hot cup of coffee in his hand to at least soothe him down a bit.

“Five!” Allison yelled after him, but he was already out of there, “Urgh, he’s such a child!”

After you and Diego had left the Hargreeves mansion, Five found it hard to focus on trying to get another lead on the prosthetic eye- he could not stop thinking about the fact that it almost had been twenty four hours since the woman he loved had chosen to deliberately ignore him, all because his stupid mouth could not help snapping at her.

What a moron he was, he knew that.

“Y/N told me what happened.” Allison told her brother, entering his room softly, watching as he laid on his bed on his back, “And woah- aren’t you an asshole?”

“What do you want, Allison?” He asked, rolling his eyes, staring up at his ceiling.

“Here’s a crazy idea... why don’t you apologize?” She suggested, crossing her arms.

“Have you... met me?” Five frowned, lifting his head to watch his sister in confusion.

“Look, you and Y/N both need to stop being children!” She said, “I know you may have teen bodies, but aren’t you both like over fifty? Honestly, Five...”

“Knowing I will regret this, what do you suggest, Allison?” Five asked with a sigh, watching as his sister smirked in response.

You and Diego didn’t really take long to finish your business at the police station. In about thirty minutes, you both were back on your way home, unaware of the big surprise that was waiting for you.

You entered the house, stretching your arms, already telling yourself you needed a drink, even if it was only noon. You figured a glass of some expensive bourbon would calm you down, so you made your way in the living room, as Diego went to his room in his own business.

Although, you couldn’t help but widen your eyes in surprise, as you stopped in your tracks once your look fell on Five, who was sitting at the bar with a Margarita in one hand, and a big bouquet of flowers rested in his lap.

“Five?” You frowned, stepping towards him confused.

Never in his life, would Five ever think he’d be so happy to hear his name on your lips. He softly smiled, realizing that Allison’s plan was working, as you finally spoke to him, even if it was one word.

“Y/N.” Five gulped, setting down his glass to jump off the stool, “These are for you...” He hesitantly said, stretching his hands towards you, as he held the big, colorful bouquet of all sorts of flowers towards you.

“I... Uh... what?” You frowned, taken aback by the gesture.

Five wasn’t necessarily the romantic type, so this was the first bouquet of flowers you ever received from him. You knew he loved you with all his heart and he was in love with you, that’s why you didn’t care about the romantic gestures he never did- but, right now, watching his cheeks turn into a slight shade of pink as he was biting on his bottom lip anxiously- your heart melted.

Allison had given him all sorts of advice on how to apologize to you with the help of Vanya, since they were both well aware of the fact that their brother was not capable of saying such words by himself. But right now, as you stood before him, Five had forgotten all that they taught him.

“I... I suck at this kind of stuff, I gotta be honest.” Five sighed, stepping closer to you, still with the bouquet in his hands, as you were still hesitant, “I... I shouldn’t have snapped at you, Y/N, I know. You didn’t deserve to be told that, even if I didn’t mean it at all. I swear, I was only mad and I never meant to take it out on you.”

“Oh my God.” You covered your mouth in shock, “Are you... actually... trying to apologize to me?”

“Sort of... yeah...” Five sighed, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, “Look, what I am trying to say... What I am trying to say is that I appreciate your love, and having your support with me, and I know you care about my well-being.”

“Keep going...” You smirked, stepping closer to him, “Come on... they are three simple words.”

“Right...” Five sighed, running a hand through his hair, “Look, Y/N? I... I am...”

You didn’t even let him finish, as you softly took the bouquet out of his hand not to squish it, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him into a tight hug. You knew how hard it must have been so far for a know-it-all like Five to say that, so you didn’t want to push him further. To you it was enough that he at least felt sorry for bursting like that.

“I love you.” Five sighed, wrapping his arms around your waist, “And I truly mean what I said earlier.”

“I love you too.” You smiled, not yet pulling away from the loving embrace, “And I know... I know...”

Five pulled away to smile down at you, “Thank you for being so understanding... and supportive.”

“I’d say it is my pleasure, but I’d be lying.” You teased him, bopping his nose with the free hand that was not wrapped around his neck still and holding the flowers.

“Hilarious.” Five sarcastically said, slowly leaning in, “I think I liked it better when you weren’t talking.”

“Really?” You scoffed, but before you could continue the playful banter, Five had already captured your lips into a soft kiss, finding a better way to shut you up.

[fraidy-farfelle]

This is my attempt at the Fluff ABCs for Frankie the Undead. Please be gentle with criticism because I cry easily. I’ve taken some ideas from @lovestruck-lasagna.

Taglist: @writingfromthetomb @beebubb

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

Your dry sense of humor. It perfectly matches his insults and he doesn’t have to go out of his way to make you laugh. He just says what he’s thinking and you laugh and agree.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

Frankie appreciates a good smile, and for many reasons. He learned to read smiles (fake vs real) early on and uses it to gauge people, so he pays particular attention by default. He’s a sucker for cute dimples, and loves the way your nose scrunches and your eyes close.

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

He loves late at night when you share the couch and he can read a good book, sip on some whiskey, or puff on a cigar. He really doesn’t care what you’re doing, he can tune out the TV or you prattling on about your day and make comments to show he’s listening. Put your feet in his lap, lay on top of him, make yourselves mummies in blankets, so long as he can reach his glass he doesn’t care. He just wants to be with you.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

Stay in date nights are his favorite. He doesn’t really like to “share” your attention. He likes to either cook a meal together or order takeout and watch a movie. Particularly black and white gangster ones, or older horror films. Likes to tease you if you get scared and grab onto him. He’ll pat your head and say something like “oh there there, don’t be scared! I won’t let the big, bad monster getcha!” (Like your neighbor isn’t a 7 ft tall children murdering clown demon) If you go out, he prefers less crowded places outdoors.

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

He’s a spitfire and he knows it. He tends to explode and then after a few minutes apologizes gruffly and explains himself. “WHY WERE YA OUT UNTIL MIDNIGHT, THATS SUCH A STUPID THING TO DO!” “Sorry, Frankie.” “…… ugh just, please get home earlier from now on. It’s dangerous and I worry about you.” Definitely doesn’t hug you close so you don’t see the relief and worry on his face. Nope!

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

He misses Amy desperately. He wants a little girl in his life again, although he’ll never ever admit it. He’s hesitant to make relationships because he doesn’t want to be hurt again. But, if you go out with him to the living world, you’ll catch him staring longingly at parents and daughters when he thinks you’re not looking. If you ask him what he’s looking at, he’ll shake his head and spit out a line about children being obnoxious but you can tell he’s blowing smoke.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

If the underworld wasn’t so dangerous, he’d love to drape you in the finest silks with diamonds and rubies dripping off of you. However he doesn’t want you to draw any unnecessary attention to yourself. So, he settles for things you don’t really see in public. He also doesn’t like to be found out about it. Your gas tank is filled, the bill you were worried about has mysteriously been paid, your favorite ice cream is in your freezer when you know you ate the last of it yesterday, and hey, didn’t you spend this $20? Why is it in your wallet? If you ever bring it up he’ll just shrug and say “How strange!”

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

He’s torn about PDA because he doesn’t want you to become a target because you’re associated with him, and people stare at him enough because of his appearance. But on the other hand, he wants to show the world that someone as worthless as him (don’t say that we love you Frankie) has such an amazing person that loves him. Will absolutely grab you and passionately make out with you with one hand on your ass and the other flipping the bird to the cheeky bastard that told the broad beside him to watch out for the zombie.

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

Panic. Sheer panic. He’s so afraid to lose you, any injury is serious and cause for alarm.

Frankie:*bursting into a hospital lobby, screaming to be taken to f/n l/n immediately**running in the opposite direction the nurse pointed in panic**bursts into exam room 30 seconds later* “Y/N!!!!! I came as soon as I got the message, WHATS WRONG!!!”

You: *sitting on the table, reading phone* “Oh, I have a sprained ankle and they don’t want me to drive so can you give me a ride?”

Frankie:*slowly blinking* “Uh, yeah no problem…”

You: “lemme guess, you heard my name and hospital in the same sentence and ignored everything else.”

Frankie:*hanging his head* “go wait in the car, I’ll go apologize….”

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Not actual jokes, but he loves to sit with you and insult people. He’s an incredibly sweet person to you, but no one else. (Except service people, like nurses and waitresses. Just the general public) he doesn’t think pranks are funny or practical, which is one of the many reasons he and LJ butt heads. If LJ or Will prank you or him, he’s raising hell.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

Love kissing your lips. He’s actually really self conscious about his mouth stitches and constantly frets they feel weird to you. Neck kisses are another favorite and are extremely private to him. He also likes to hold the back of your hand against his lips and tell you what he’s thinking, no matter how mundane. Kiss his stitches. Please. Just do it.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

He has trouble saying it to your face. He’ll whisper it to you when he thinks you’re sleeping, and he’s been known to leave little notes around for you to find. He thinks protecting you is the best way to show he cares.

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

The day you finally broke down and told him you loved him. He knew as soon as he looked into your eyes and saw your smile his goose was cooked. He was very abrasive and hoping against hope that you’d leave him be. He knew you deserved better. He was so afraid to build a relationship and love again, he wanted to distance himself and if he was an asshole to you, it would be justified and you’d do it on your own. What he didn’t expect is for you to be so kind to him. Upon your initial meeting, he had been a little harsh, but helped you (if there’s enough interest I’ll do a fic about it) and so when he subsequently was a jerk to you, you were curious and determined to find out what he was hiding. He finally had been mean enough to make you cry. He had never regretted something he did before. He immediately wanted to cradle you to him and beg your forgiveness. Normally when he insulted you, you’d have a snarky retort in reply. But not this time. You fell to your knees and clung to his legs and demanded to know why he treated you so poorly and proclaimed your love for him. It was probably by accident and you were so distraught you didn’t even know it flew from your mouth, but hearing it, he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t care about the consequences, he just wanted you. Hearing that you loved someone like him made him so happy, he knew he’d treasure the memory forever

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

Losing you. Period.

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

What ISNT odd about this man?! A cute one is he always winks with his green eye.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

I HC that he was born in the 30’s, so he calls you “doll” a lot but only in private. He uses your name otherwise so it’s not as obvious to people watching you’re together. He will absolutely refer to you as “the dame” to others. The equivalent of “the boss” or “old lady.” “William! The Dame is trying to take a nap, so shut up or I’ll shoot you!” You call him stitches to tease him in private and are the only person allowed to do so.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?) Either taking naps or couch potato time. Also, low key likes to cook with you. He can’t cook for shit, but likes to ��help” by handing you things or chopping things for you. Is a super good taste tester, self appointed.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

Stitches by Shawn Mendez (PLEASE DONT HURT ME!!)

We don’t have to Dance by Andy Black (referring to how he can’t really show you affection in public but he loves you)

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

He’s open about himself and what he’s thinking, and will always take what you say into consideration. He doesn’t like to keep things from you, but he does omit some detail about his jobs if you ask about them. He just feels like you don’t need to be stressed about it.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

LJ picked up on Frankie’s fondness of you almost instantly. He and Will decided to do what they could to get you together in the interest of making Frankie less of a grouch. If it hadn’t been for them insisting that he was good guy to you, you probably WOULD have let Frankie’s prickly nature drive you away. It took a year or so for you to break down.

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?) A powder keg of insults, foul language, and bullets. Has actually never called you a name outright, and would absolutely never physically hurt you. When he was deliberately being rude to you, he’d insult your actions rather than you. “Stop acting like a dumb broad!” Vs calling you a bitch to your face. He usually calms down quickly, and is hardly ever angry at you, only when you put yourself in danger.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

He likes that he’s scary and tough looking so that when you’re with him, other men scatter pretty fast. Has had many occasions where he stepped away and someone came to flirt with you and he came back and had the pleasure of scaring them.

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

You are not allowed to do anything dangerous, ever! Will teach you how to use a gun and how to counter things like chokeholds, so you’re less vulnerable. Will absolutely lose his mind if he learns you’ve put yourself at risk. He will shoot someone so fast for you. Takes every person as a threat to you and will pick fights with somebody that accidentally bumped into you. Do NOT test this man.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

You are an open book to him. He’s learned to read people well, and he takes his time studying you. Can tell if you’re getting sick before you can. More than once he’s handed you a bottle of Tylenol, leaving you bewildered, and shrugged and said to take them because you’ll have a headache in a few minutes. He can pick up on your emotions easily and has learned what to do to handle them.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

Honestly, marriage isn’t that important to him. He’s not opposed to the idea at all, but like you’ve been together for this long, you love each other, is it really necessary? You’d have to tell him you want to be officially married. He’ll buy you a ring, to show that you’re taken, if nothing else, but he’ll wear his around his neck under his tie so it’s not obvious he’s attached to anyone to discourage his rivals using you to get to him.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

The smell of your perfume. Holding you in his arms and taking deep breaths makes all of his troubles go away.

[corruptedconfessions]

i— maybe.. beta!yandere!shōta aizawa w/ an omega!darling would be a nice concept(ृ°͈꒳​°͈ ृ =͟͟͞͞)ु≡:*・.*

Ooo! I agree!

-Being a beta wouldn’t bother Aizawa at all, if anything he’s pleased about not being dragged into the mess of dynamics or having that itch to mate or be mated. He’s content by himself so why would he ever want to be an alpha or omega which would make him want someone else?

-That is...until he meets you. Then everything is flipped upsidedown. His entire outlook on life is just one big confused question mark

- As a pro hero he doesn’t interact with many omegas, its a very alpha driven profession, its near impossible for even betas to get into it (something he has first hand experience with), let alone omegas. 

-You’re so...soft and small compared to what he is use to. You dont smell harsh and abrasive like alphas do to his beta nose. You smell...sweet. Soft, warm...like home. Your scent soothes his pain and takes him back to a simpler, happier time. 

-He can’t help but feel attracted to you. Intrigue pulling him out of his bubble to get closer to you.  And the more he learns, the more he sees, the more enraptured he becomes. It won’t take long before he is head over heels, blushing over your smiles and thinking about you all the day long. 

-A lot of his yandere tendencies would stem from him being a beta and being unable to tie you to him forever like an alpha can. That and you being unsatisfied with him and leaving him for an alpha that can knot and breed you, claim you fully, fulfil all those base instincts that he can’t.

-He’d try and court you normally at first, taking the role of a dominant alpha even if he isn’t one. Gifts, bringing you food, later on gruffly offering you things for your nest with a dark blush on his face. It’s a 50/50 on if he’ll go full traditional and go ask your family to give you to him. I think he’d be hesitant, there isn’t many traditional families who would give an omega over to a useless beta, but if it was important to you or your family he would still do his best.

-If he managed to win you over and you accepted his proposal he would be over the moon. A dedicated partner that’s for sure. You would be spoiled silly, especially at first. 

-Initially it will seem cute, to see a usually apathetic and cold hearted guy spoiled you so much and spend so much time fretting and fawning over you.

-That puppy love stage will quickly become soiled. It will become more and more clear to you that his attention comes not from a place of love, but a place of anxiety. He overcompensates, pushing too far since he feels like he has to make up for not being an alpha for you. 

-Even if you try and reassure him, he’ll just brush you off and keep doing what he is doing, continue getting worse and worse. 

-He’ll get aggressive and angry when you are around alphas, always automatically they are trying to take you away from him. He’ll start buying alpha hormone colognes and sprays, gets offended and upset when you don’t like them. You couldn’t stand the smell of an unfamiliar, fake smelling alpha being near you, so those end real quick, but you still will find him rubbing at his own scent glands (or lackthereof), clearly insecure about it. 

-It comes to a head one night as the two of you are making love. In the midst of it he’ll bite down hard on the back of your neck, where your mating spot would be if he was an alpha. He’ll bite down hard enough to draw blood, ignoring your yelps and squirms as he keeps biting and biting and biting until your neck is bruised, raw and bloody.

-That will be the first time you’ll ever see Shouta cry. He’ll collapse ontop of you, harsh sobs wracking through his entire body. You’ll hold him, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead for hours as you let him cry it out, the stress, the fear, the anxiety of it all. He just wants to love you so badly, why does everything have to be wrong with him? 

-You’ll spend the whole night whispering into his hair how much you love him, how much you love dating him, how you would never leave him for another. A night filled with constant reassurances, feelings finally coming out into plain view instead of suppressed and hidden from each other. For the first time you saw a glimmer of understanding in his eyes when you tell him you didn’t date him hoping he would be an alpha. He was perfect the way he was, beta and all. His second gender changed nothing for you. 

-You walked away from that night with a weight lifted off your shoulders, hope filling you that you could move past this, that Shouta could move past this and the two of you could just...love each other. For the first time you felt like that could actually happen. 

-Oh, how wrong you were. 

-It gets worse from there.

-It will devolve into an obsession, regardless of how much you try and comfort or soothe him. You’ll find him staring at other omegas mating marks with a far off distant look. His computer and phone will be filled with searches and research of a beta turning into an alpha, naturally or through unnatural means.

 -You’ll try to get him to reach out and get help, finding him therapists that specialize in beta/omega relationships. He’ll refuse, brushing you off and ignoring you until you can’t take it anymore. The aggression, the violence, both towards other people and you. You didn’t recognize the man you once loved anymore. 

-You go to him with an ultimatum: He either goes with you to therapy and gets help, or you’re gone. You will pack up your bags and leave and it will all be over. You won’t tolerate dating a man who treats you like this. 

-Wrong move

-You’ll go to bed on that, telling him you expected a decision in the morning. You crawl into bed with a heavy heart yet fall asleep almost instantly. Dealing with him, during sex, during family visits, just dealing with him was draining you, physically and emotionally. You sleep deep that night

-When you wake up in the morning the first thing you see will be Shouta, standing at the food of your bed, staring at you intensely. The look on his face sends an almost primal reaction through you, terror gripping you tight. 

- “You can’t leave me...I won’t let you”

-You tried to ask him what he meant, moving to sit up only to find that you couldn’t. Your arms were restrained to the headboard of the bed, and when you shifted in place you could hear the jingle of a chain around your ankles as well. 

-He explained everything then. You wouldn’t be able to leave him, he wouldn’t let you. He knew that your “omega instincts” didn’t like not having an alpha around, not having a protector. ( you tried to protest but he just spoke over you, ignoring you completely) but he would figure something out, he would show you he could be a good provider, a good protector. He couldn’t let you go out where other alphas could trick you and snatch you away from him. So you would stay here, with him. And be a good little omega and let your alpha take care of you.

-While you slept he had worked, every window, every door, covered in locks, secured and bolted down, unable to be opened at all. You were trapped. Even if you got out of your restrains, even if you somehow managed to open a door or a window, how were you meant to escape the trained pro hero who was staring down at you, tensed and ready to snap at the slightest of movements. 

-You should have gotten away while you had the chance.  

[f1nalboys]

*grabs the mic*

guess what time it isss?? A LONG ASS ASK FILLED WITH FINAL DESTINATION CONTENT WITH ALEX BROWNING ANON!!—

- ok listen. carter is a dick. be he would never forget anything his s/o tells him. very ride or die. mention you like this color? he will text you ‘out with my mom you said you liked this color and i found a sweater made of it want it’ and act like it’s not a big deal.

- clear rivers is a she/they bisexual will not elaborate. wish her and terry got some screen time together so we could of had something like the ashley’s and wendy got in fd 3.

- billy and lewis have the same energy. really nice loner jocks who would treat you right.

- one of the worst fandom takes is that fd 2 is better the the og fd. bro come ON the characters suck! it had 2 good sequences (car crash/ elevator) and everything else felt boring!

- alex browning was way to careful to die by a brick. in my mind he faked his death to go look for a way to prevent the whole thing from happening again under the radar.

- ON THAT NOTE no way alex wouldn’t try to survive as long as possible to keep clear safe. like sorry man he would go to the ends of the earth to prevent anyone else dying.

- in my ‘main cast lives au’ they all rent a house together and live somewhere that’s not new york but east cost. maybe mass of something.

- sorry but no way clear doesn’t get bitches. look at her! gorgeous!

- not a single person in the og finals destination movie is ugly, along with most of 3 (camera dude sucks) and 5. 2 and 4 are very iffy and in my mind they don’t exist :)))

now for the good stuff, dating ideas for the fd 1/3 characters. no canon relationships exists here for the sake of things.

fd1::

billy: baby boy! def his first s/o and is completely in the dark to the whole thing. he would learn really fast and overall be a really good partner. he plays hockey (the jersey he’s wearing at the beginning has his canon last name on it so hear me out) and would def get his s/o front row seats to all his games. would give them his jerseys because they’ll most likely be huge on you (‘i’m not sma- HE WOULD TELL HIS COUCH TO BY HIM AN EXTRA THATS BIGGER SO IT WOULD BE DONT YOU WORRY).

tod: nerd. would def be down to cosplay with his s/o if they were into it and the very least go to conventions with them. you’re probably gonna be besties with alex because this man is clingy and wants his too fav alive people to get along. would love to play video games, watch horror movies, the whole shabang. him and randy meeks would be besties same type of energy except randy has slightly better social skills.

terry: regina george who? would def be conscious dating someone at first who didn’t fit her picture perfect image. quickly gets over that real quick and becomes super clingy and flaunts you everywhere. pda? %100. she loves holding hands and overall touching you in a non sexual sense. would be the cutest couple in school. (i love to imagine her with someone who dresses like they’re from the craft because i’m a sucker for opposites attract)

alex: bro biggest softy. would want to walk you home from school, help you with homework even if you don’t take they same classes, hold your stuff for you, etc. big on just long walks with just you, him, and his dog because who doesn’t love dogs? he has a nice house and most of the time you’ll lay on his bed while he’s at his computer looking up stuff to prove tod wrong even though the thing happened at lunch and damn it come over here and cuddle. would give in pretty quick.

clear: where do i BEGIN. makes sculptures of you! i can defiantly imagine she likes drawing and has tons of sketchbooks dedicated to you! would sob if you ever drew her though. she would make you playlists and love just laying together and sharing earbuds while listening to music. would share her books with you because she defiantly annotates all of them with great commentary and loves when you return them with even more.

carter: car rides. he sings in the car when he gets really comfortable and it’s l o u d. like full on drumming the steering wheel and singing his heart out. he defiantly loves hanging out in his car. like you’ll be eating the mcdonald’s french fries and milkshake he got you and he’ll be ranting like he’s about to start the next world war with the guy who bumped him in the hallway that day. making out in his car is a must. he would defiantly be nicer after getting with you after he realizes how much easier things are when you’re not a bag of shit probably made him apologize to alex and i can see him going to your house later and asking if you’re a witch because what the fuck just happened.

fd3:

wendy: photos! so many photos! you’re defiantly the main subject of her hobby. she has them everywhere, phonecase, locker, binders, her bedroom. probably has one on her beside table so she sees it right before bed and first thing the morning. would love to go on arcade dates with you. amusement parks are iffy but loves playing dance dance revolution with you.

kevin: gentleman. walks you to the front door, talks to your parents when he picks you up/drops you off, always home for curfew. the whole deal. he’s another sports dude so he would really happy if you willingly went to his games. he would def try to show off if he saw you in the bleachers. study buddies for sure, with you and sports school sometimes gets thrown on the back burner but you help keep him on track.

erin: alt mean girl so pretty. would sneak you into work after hours so you can just hang around and talk. doesnt care about school or anything involved with it but if you’re in clubs or anything she will 100% support it. ex. you act in the school play? she’s their in the front row with flowers ready to lunch whoever says you aren’t amazing. overall pretty great gf as long as you guys can communicate

ian: toxic emo boy. would also sneak you into work it to make out not to hang. he loves sneaking into your house (even more than sneaking you out) and walking around before you drag him to your room to try to kick him out. he doesn’t make a good impression on the parents and really tried to play into the whole ‘bad boy’ person really hard even if it means being a dick to you. erin and ian are besties here if one is dating you (and not poly) so they care a lot about you liking the other. ian gets a lot more jealous and would be pissed if you and erin became besties. that’s my s/o and my best friend they can’t be best friends! like sir explain that logic.

ashley/ashlyn: they’re pretty much the same person and dating them would be the same so they’re getting combined, my bad. would do your makeup. no questions asked. even if you don’t go out in it her fav activity is too have some random movie on in the background and do your makeup while y’all fill up on slushees and popcorn. also big into pta. mostly linking arms, especially when you guys go shopping because that’s going to be happening a lot. you’re going to want to invest in a good pair a sneakers. also sitting in the room while they tan and just talking if you don’t do it.

lewis: wants you to be his football trophy s/o. he already knows he’s gonna make it big and hey, i want my favorite person by my side while i do it! i know it’s repetitive but he would have you sitting on the bench with the rest of the players during the game. not sure how he got that to happen but here we are. he’s obviously not on the neck much if ever but it makes him really happy to see you sitting their :)))

alex anon i’m telling u right now i would die for you <3

I LOVE WHEN YOU SEND IN STUFF LIKE THIS I STGG!!!! i completely agree abt 2 and 4 being the weakest links lol, 2 is NOT the best in the franchise at all. the premonition might be one of the best (i really liked the one from 5) but other than that and the elevator, like you said, it’s really lack luster lol

the dating the character things oh my god <33333 i want to be w all of them so bad…and carter remembering little things is so true, he’d forget your birthday but not the fact that you said what ur fave food was three months ago LMFAO

[coolgirl]

Hey what's Jason's relationship with nocturna? It's the first time I've heard of her😣 and nothing on her wikia mentioned anything about Jason. She seems interesting character and I would like to know more about her.

okay I went. A little insane. Here's a retelling of her pre crisis arc, long as hell  

(this part covers Batman #529 / Detective Comics #363 / Batman #530) ok for some context: it’s pre crisis, meaning this Jason was also a circus boy. He has recently lost his parents, and was taken by Bruce, but isn’t dealing with the loss well, finding himself missing his past life. PLUS Bruce isn’t allowing him to be his partner, and that has him sad as well. 

SO he wants to go back to the circus, since hes lonely and directionless etc.

NOW. ENTER NATALIA KNIGHT! Shes a villain, think.. Catwoman meets Poison Ivy? She’s a thief, but seduces men to do the stealing mostly. 

Her backstory is basically that she was an orphan living in the streets, and met who will then become his adoptive parent Charles Knight when she was 12. When she’s already an adult, Charles gets killed, and she finds out he had big money bags bc he was a criminal. and she said. awn man i like being rich. well. time to do crimes.

she’s rlly into the night and the stars (she was the head of the observatory, which Bruce was funding through his company or w/e)

anyways. she gets away, Jason helps bruce find her (but! bruce wouldnt le him help which rlly hurt jason), and as her and her partner anton are getting away (again) batman catches up to them, but only manages to bring anton to justice, while Nocturna escapes in like. one of those giant balloons idk whats the name

the issue ends with Nocturna/Natalia sending Bruce money for the maintenance of the observatory and with Jason deciding to leave

NOW onto the next part. So in this issue we have Jason escaping home, Bruce going to court against Natalia’s partner Anton, and Natalia just vibing around, and she happens to find Jason running away from home, and they have a conversation in which she tries to convince him to go back home.

but Jason. well.

So Bruce gets back home and Alfred tells him about Jason running away, and bruce, in real bruce fashion, is all like ughg i shouldve listened to him.. well lets go get him. and alfred is like. sir. do i have to remind u u arent his legal guardian yet. u have no right to decide where he stays.

so bruce is like ugh fine. i’ll go patrol then. which he does, and turns out Nocturna was trying to help Anton escape, and well it fails, and she gets captured too. 

and that’s that for Natalia… for now ;)

NOW. this isn’t relevant for Natalia & Jason but again some context. Covers um  covers fuck a bunch of issues. SO. what happens in this time

jason goes back to the circus but is deeply unhappy

he’s still doing detective work. hasnt seen bruce or alfred in a while

alfred visits

case stuff case stuff case stuff it was the clown all along

Jason ends up helping Bruce, since they were both working the same case separately, and they make up

NOW. a lot of shit happens not relevant to nocturna. Jason isnt robin for a while, then he uses Dicks costume, then bruce gets mad at him for that bc its not his costume, so jason uses his own costume, then dick gives him the robin costume, so jason becomes robin. um stuff stuff happens and all it matters is the panel below.

NOW! BACK TO NOCTURNA! 

her comeback arc kinda starts in batman #374, where this lady is like hold on.. bruce wayne isnt jasons legal guardian wtf, is he even fit to have a kid?

so she starts digging around, asking questions 

and shes like yea this is real fishy, give me that kid

so bruce and jason try to behave like uh yes no robin and batman business. let that kid be a kid.

but welp.

and so.. Jason is taken away :( and both of them are heartbroken :( 

but u know what! bruce wayne is one stubborn fucker! and he will fight to have the legal guardianship!

and even if they’re not living together anyomre they’re still the dynamic duo in a way, which like. lol. this lady took this kid away bc she was worried about him but he still ran away.. tch tch tch.

they’re both rlly depressed about the situation

AND THATS WHAT U MISSED ON GLEE!!

NOW. SHES BACK. look at this epic cover

shes now parterning w a dude named nightshade or smth, and he like. rlly wants to hit that, but shes like um pause ⏸️✋my love is the night. the dude, like every other man, is like so im not getting anything from this? fuck u, and leaves. shes like whatevers, ugh how annoying i dont have a partner again & anton is still in prison… &  while shes again chilling she finds out about Bruce trying to legally adopt jason & recognizes jason from the time they talked

& goes to visit him

and theres also this dude, whos not rlly relevant for now, will try to stop bruce from adopting jason which will be relevant later hehe (there's a whole subplot with him and bullock but like it's not rlly relevant to Jason n Natalia) (shrug emoji)

and so. Bruce finds out..

and so the cover becomes a reality, Bruce and Natalia WILL fight in a chuck n cheese parking lot to become Jason’s parent.. and Natalia may try to pull a reverse card on Bruce

and well. Bruce rlly has no chance now does he? and turns out Jason wants this to happen since hes convinced he can unreveal Natalia’s secrets from the inside

and a lil sweet moment between father & son

and then a moment with Amanda, who, in my opinion, did nothing wrong ever

meanwhile Anton comes back, tells Nocturna he killed the dude that was bothering her, and she gets PISSSSEDD OFF shes like u TARNISHED the night by SPILLING BLOOD, u absolute BEAST, Bruce gets there, some weird stuff happens that aged rlly poorly, then Nocturna stabs Anton to save Bruce, turns out she knows hes batman, again shes like marry me to have our son (Jason) and hes like no! and leaves. While Bruce tries to find Anton, Jason is like ive HAD IT i wanna go out, but Natalia stops him

then the next morning Amanda gets her head straight and talks to Jason

but well Jason is hellbent on exposing Natalia from the inside or w/e, and eventually she gets the custody, even if Amanda tries to convince him and the judge Bruce is a better choice (since she noticed Jason clearly favors him and was in pain when he wasnt at the wayne manor)

and everyone is coddling Bruce which im adding bc its cute and i miss this relationship Bruce had with Vicki and Julia 

MEANWHILE, at the knight house. mad hatter is a a weird creepy rat bastard n tries to get control of Natalia & get the information of her brain or smth. Batman gets there & we get a Batman vs Controlled nocturna fight and then Robin also arrives and its Batman & Robin vs Nocturna, but B tells Jason to focus on getting Mad Hatter, which he does and then gets Nocturna back to normal whatever, and she again asks Bruce to marry her, which hes again like no thank u! the issue ends with this page which is rlly sweet imo

next up Anton is back but it doesnt matter rlly. a woman is tending to him, n because shes blind hes like. im batman. yeah. and she believes it. 

AND then Jason is formally adopted by Natalia

Jason is still trying to find proof that shes evil, and they share a moment. 

but jason is like. gotta fight crime! and so Natalia is like well i tried. wanna go be robin a bit?

Batman & Robin go after mad hatter, and then Nocturna joins them bc shes epic

and takes jay home bc its a school night smh

Natalia & Jason spend some time together but Jason still doesn’t warm up to Natalia which like. makes sense since shes a villain and all that, but she tries nevertheless

and then everyones most hated bitch comes back (Yes, anton) n he attacks Natalia, and then Jason when he hears the ruckus and goes to help

but gets a chop

but! Bruce was just on his way to visit them so 

fight fight bruce gets shot in the head n gets amnesia and thinks the dude anton shot & killed was him

Anton swaps their costumes n makes Bruce believe that Anton is batman not him? or smth

afterwards Jason blames himself

and him & Natalia team up to find Bruce which includes.. carrying a corpse around

for three days (well. nights) anton just runs around stealing n shit dressed as batman, n bruce is. literally chilling on a rooftop. alfred is losing his mind bc !? jason hasnt contacted him!? about what happened!? but Julia comes home and comforts him

gotham is a lil in chaos with gordon vicki vale n bullock being suspicious, and the girl who was helping anton finds the stuff he stole and realizes hes not batman.

on the fourth night Jason n Natalia find Anton

n they fight him

but Anton gets the upper hand w Nocturna so Jason jumps in to defend her

and then Nocturna defends Jason bc thats his baby

but Anton doesnt get like. killed w that ofc, and hes like fuck u i’ll kill u one day but when the kid isnt here and after batman has fallen, bye (throws jason from building)

and Natalia reagroup n well.. some things are said

bc like even if Nocturna is helping shes a villain.. right? (thinking emoji)

meanwhile Bruce finally got his mind back. not important. who cares. the lady who was helping Anton goes to the police to tell them about Anton/fake batman dun dun dun. but Anton finds out and knocks out the policeman who went w the girl (Tina!) to check for proof n shit.

and guess whos back! amanda!

back to new dynamic duo

so Jason the little rascal (can i say hes a rascal when hes doing the hero thing n trying to expose a criminal?) goes looking for proof that Natalia is Nocturna n stuff, and finds some stolen things

1. singsonging.. hes such a little shit lmaoo, 2. she was worried… pause…

anyways. they have a confrontation 

in which Natalia swears shes reformed, but Jason doesnt buy it, and is like. im gonna get gordon! and Natalia is like.. do what u think is best

but. he can’t do it..

n hes like. well shes not bad anymore.. i wish i could go back to bruce without sending her to prison which… please development..  n natalia DOES want his love..

AND THEN! BRUCE IS BACK! and he teams up with Nocturna to find Anton, but its just their luck Amanda sees them

they do sm stuff not relevant and then Bruce is like go back to ur son now, and Natalia is like.. OUR son :)

well whatever whatever they get Anton, Bruce goes back to being Batman, they clear his reputation, Jason goes back to the manor since Amanda saw Natalia, etc

(he munches he crunches) also im gonna add this that isnt relevant bc its just so funny, buenos dias alfred

anyways stuff hapens, like idk 14 issues without nocturna, the most important bit that happened is that selina is back. which she was gone. yeah. but shes back and around.

ANYWAYS! 15 issues later! shes back! some dudes entered her old observatory n were vandalizing and she was like hold up

meanwhile we have Jason calling amanda bc he well.. misses his mom and as much as he loves bruce and hes his dad its not the same for some reason

jason in every universe: i miss my mom i want my mom :(

at school Jason overheards some kids talking about Natalia in the observatory

Jason goes looking for Natalia n turns out Bullock was also trying to see what was happening in the observatory, so they kinda team up for two whole panels to find her

but Jason is like im not telling u shit.. n goes w Natalia on his own

google always taking pics

n they share a moment ;_____;

n theyre reunited.. now ur gonna have to excuse me bc i didnt download the high quality of the next tec issues n all the download links are sadly broken

but… what about natalia?

then bullock finds them

well bullock lets her go n while retelling the stuff to gordon he has.. a theory

meanwhile Nocturna.. well Nocturna is back at it again, taking charge of a band of thieves.. sigh. 

anyways, they talk, theres something weird happening w the sky that may mean the world is ending or smth, and they make up AND make out

n they have a talk thats basically like. what now? should we be together? well depends if ur still gonna steal. i need funds to get the observatory back in track (HELLO BRUCE IS RICH HE COULD PAY IT..) and hes like oh so ur gonna be a thief again.. and shes like well havent u noticed im only stealing from corrupt rich politicians!? (QUEEN) n theres this gorgeous shot

n then they go their separate ways bc its fucking batman

anyways. Selina was also investigating the group of thieves (that were like black masks old gang but he was sent to prison so Nocturna took over etc) and she sees Nocturna leaving and follows her to the Observatory but.. Jason is there too

Selina wants her GOOOONE she needs to clear her name but Jason is like. over my dead body

n well ……. the girls are fightinggggggggggggggggggggggggg

but Bruce intercepts

n now Batman n Catwoman fight and its like the girls are fightingggggg… 2! but doesnt matter look at them

and then Selina gets struck by lightning

n then theres a earthquake bc god what a damn comic, and the observatory collapses, and Natalia is trapped inside

anyways Selina is in the hospital, Anton is still killing people and knows where she is and is trying to get to her, and this little scene happens with Jason n B

n while Bruce stays with Selina Jason goes to find Natalia which is so funny like. she went to Natalia, his mom, when Bruce told him to go home and well– we al know that story.

n now its a race to get to Natalia before Anton gets to her

n its rlly sad bc like Natalia is ready to die

n 

but both Bruce n Jason are trying to reach her

and here comes Jason!

AND LIKE. the fact she wants to live after all bc of Jason rlly makes me emotional not gonna lie! not gonna lie!

and no offense but a mother’s love………………………………….. no thoughts head empty

first of all i hate anton so fucking much. secondly here comes batdad..

n Jason tries to help Natalia escape and then get back to Bruce who is getting his ass kinda kicked

guess whos coming in that helicopter.. selina freaking kyle.. the legend.. and she helps Bruce with Anton. 

I REALLY DONT GET THIS TBH LIKE. he puts her into the giant balloon so she can get away but like shes hurt buddy shes gonna die up there.. 

and. shes gone.

n Jason is absolutely devastated

n like. Bruce. as always. is like ok champ i see u got it in control, lmk when u wanna go home

LIKE HES SO SAD.. OF COURSE HES SAD THAT WAS HIS MOM....

And thats. pretty much it. Natalia is gone. 

However Jason still grieves her, and when Bruce and Selina are trying to get back together and... hes not a big fan of their relationship.. at all. But bruce tries to pair them up so they can become at least friends, since he loves them both and doesnt want to like. pick between his son and his lover

and they make a fine team, even if Jason grieving Natalia and how Selina doesnt want to take her place is brought up a couple times :(

and it gives it a bittersweet ending to the arc

and well. thats it. thats the Jason and Natalia dynamic.

Natalia reappers later post crisis but well w/o her connection to Jason.. and i really dont wanna talk about the version of her that appears in batwoman comics LOL.  

conclusion: natalia was a bad lady, who at first wanted to use jason to get money from bruce, but then she had a change of heart, and development and became a kind of anti hero? well not antihero just.. she was trying her best man. i wish she hadnt disappeared like she couldve stayed relevant to jasons story without having to be romantically with bruce? bc if u read her comics u can see that she was killed off/voided for batcat to comeback which... typical batcat! anyways. i think she genuinely loved and cared for jason and that jason loved her and cared for her right back :( 

[highlonelylustfull]

1- July-2021

Today I had the first session with my mom and Mark. He immediately zeroed in on my and my defeatedness which was brought up by Dr. White in FL as well when I had a session with her and my mom. She noted how immediately my posture and demeanour changed. The default of compliance, knowing that I am not about to honestly and openly express myself with my mom as she's not able to handle it, and so I just comply and get smaller. Thats the only way that I can cope at this point is to emotionally detach.

Mark asked for a weekly recap and I was honestly about some highs and lows, when he asked mom the same thing she talked about how busy she is and then the rest of it was about Lariel which is annoying, avoidant, and copdepenant to think that someone else's news counts as your experience. Enmeshment.

She said that our conversations don't feel fake or superficial to her, which is alarming but also maybe she is incapable of having the kinds of conversations I would like to have. She at least acknowledged the underlying tension and the avoidance of certain topics.

When she read me her fears for me she got emotional and talked about basically my everyday reality. She said that I have been hit harder than any kid and am constantly being thrown curveballs and trauma, and she's worried that I won't be able to blossom or having an easy life. I didn't understand the fear in that because its all true. Mark and I were both nodding the whole time in agreement as in yes that is true and yes my life is hard and yes a lot of shit happens to me and no it does not stop and no I do not get a break. It was frustrating to see that she clearly doesn't see how her behaviour is contributing to making my life so FUCKING HARD. She is the biggest headache in my day to day life, she continually throws curveballs AT me and then gets upset at how I react making it even worse. She is the most stressful traumatic thing in my life hands down and that is why this is at such a breaking point for me. I need something to change in the way or boundaries, her behaviour, her communication, or just cutting her out of my life and looking for support in other ways. I said int he session that I feel like I can't put my whole weight on her and I have been actively seeking out other resources to help me because I can't trust her support.

When she was reading the assignment to me she acknowladged that she is growing mentally and emotionally and I am as well, both at different stages of our lives. So that gives me a little hope that she is becoming aware of her own faults and is becoming willing to work on her part of this relationship.

She misremebered the I am and have been doing everything in my power to better OUR relationship to bettering MYSELF. She acknowledged it and while that is true that I am and have been constantly bettering myself it discards the entire relationship aspect. She seemed to have a hard time saying or seeing that our relationship is/has shattered in a lot of ways, and added on to how important she is to me.

When I got to the fear.. that was rough. I didn't know if I could even say it as I was tearing up and had the biggest knot in my throat. Eventually I did, and she seemed taken a back, and left out my fear of the relationship ending or being irreparably damaged-clearly she doesn't feel that way even though she threatens me with it.

When it got to why I love her she waited for more I only could muster up two things one of which was a memory because at this point I have so little respect for her that I dont know why I love her other than she's my mother and so I am biologically programmed to withstand the throws of the relationship and try and better it because I'm her daughter. Which now that I think of it is something she drilled into my head about Ralph. That he's my father so I have to have him in my life and he's my father so that justifies a multitude of sins. I could see that she was underwhelmed or maybe even hurt by the lack of embellishment.

But what the fuck am I supposed to say? I literally called Riley last nights to give me ideas and remind me why I love my mother because all the things I love and value about most people.. she doesn't have. She is not loyal, she is not independent or strong, she is not loving ad nurturing all the time (so that didn't feel completely genuine to say), she isn't woke or working on herself, she isn't accountable, she isn't trustworthy, she isn't ride or die. A lot of the things I loved about my mom, things I used to brag about my mom are no longer true for me. She no longer is my best friend she is a constant source of trauma, pain, and material for group and therapy. She is constantly dissaponting me and being insincere and fake. I no longer feel like a priority on her list nor do I feel cared for or even taken into account. I feel like she is holding on to me with one hand and I am trying to get out of her grasp and just get some air but every fucking time, she pushes me down further and adds more mountain to climb. It feels like a never-ending story of Cali is mentally ill and I am a mom so therefore I am clearly not in the wrong or whatever other excuse she deems relevant. and I just have to eat it and drown a little more. It was hard hearing her talk about how hard and traumatic my life is and her just being so fucking blissfully unaware that SHE is the hardest, more traumatic, stressful, largest hurdle that I face in my daily life. That is why I am so fucking committed to fixing this and why I have and am putting so much of myself into this process because it is life or death for me. This is my breaking point. I can't live with this fake ass shit anymore and either the relationship gets better or I will have to cut her out or set firm boundaries and find other support and stability in my life because it is NOT her.

Then after we both finished, Mark asked her to recap how she felt about the assignment, the active listening, and about the content. She gave some bullshit dull answer, and Mark (THANK GOD) persisted that she be more specific. She basically blamed me and my "black and white thinking" as for the reason that I would feel that she is willing and able to cut me off at the drop of a hat. I asked to elaborate and reminded her of the conversation where she clearly threatened me saying "Just how much money do you need. You clearly want to divorce me, so how much money do you need!". She stated that thats not how she remembers the conversation and that actually she was setting a "boundary" with me and "clarifying" about where the financial support was going to come from and setting an emotional boundary with me about what she was not willing to discuss with me at that time... Then our time was up and Mark recaps that he feels like he's leaving us hanging but that ya know Rome wasn't built in a day and these things take time.

Overall I feel like it was a good first step to starting to dig into the REAL problem and exposing how deeply I am hurt and how immense this problem really is.

[wolf-stark]

You ask I deliver — both tfatws asks in one!

tfatws weekly ask 1

i finally saw ep1!! i wont be able to see ep2 until thursday at the earliest but i already have some Thots on this ep. here are the ones I remember

first is, and i'm so sorry for this, a grammar lesson. an appositive is when you stick an additional phrase in between commas, dashes, or the like. i actually just used one! the "and i'm so sorry for this" in the first sentence of this paragraph is an appositive. thing is, most english speakers don't normally use them when they speak, only in writing. so i'm always on high alert whenever i hear somebody in tv or movies use one. (it's generally a marker of bad screenwriting). anyway there was one right in the beginning of the episode. the white army guy yelling at sam wilson said "first lieutenant Torres, our intel officer, will be helping on the ground." yeah so. the writing of this series started out on the wrong foot for me. but the rest of the episode was obviously tons and tons better (every interview i see with malcolm spellman makes me love him more and more)

the contrast between the opening minutes (falcon action sequence) and the rest of the ep.... i would 100000/10 rather watch a series with just sam and bucky dealing with life. i dont give a single crap about the flag-smashers or any of that. i just want sam, sarah & fam getting their boating business back on the ground & yeeting racist dickwads, bucky going through therapy and making amends, sam and joaquin being bros, sambucky homoerotic tension, etc.

the cinnamontography! wandavision mostly used cinematography to signify era n stuff. tfatws doesn't have wv's premise to go off of, so here's some tricks i noticed:

with sam there's obviously all sorts of shots with the captain america iconography next to his face, but he hasn't totally claimed it. there's the mural of steve rogers in the background; there's sam staring into the shield like it's a spectre of steve's face; there's sam looking into the exhibit, the shield and sam separated by glass and a layer of camera focus. steve is a constant spectre, always there, an idea, a symbol himself. sam's relationship with this iconography is distanced. he is separated by glass exhibit walls. by painting canvases. he doesn't yet feel worthy to take on that iconography. this whole thing was pulled off quite well but also a bit on-the-nose if only in quantity. there's just sooooo much fancy iconography stuff

speaking of the exhibit, there's something that i get real pissy about. it's when like, there's an action going on you're supposed to be paying attention to but the cinematographer is like,,,, hey! check out this location! or this headline! or something! there was a lot of that in the exhibit. the camera was like, you could focus on sam and rhodey's convo (which was fine but could have been so much better with an extra like 10 minutes of deep character study talk) but noooo you want me to look at the symbol for the united nations and read all the text about bucky who hasn't even showed up yet. shut up i know the lore and ill watch the shot-by-shot breakdown yt vids you don't have to make the shot this long jkdsalcjklasejf

my fav trick was with bucky and the therapist. i had seen a clip of the scene with bucky and the therapist beforehand and i thought the cinnamontography was super obnoxious, but then i was like, oh duh. the shots frequently change the distance between the camera and its subject. sometimes it's uncomfortably close and sometimes it's really far. a clear allegory for the duality of therapy, esp for bucky! therapy is an invasive process wherein he is ruthlessly examined, picked apart, and berated for his trauma (this therapist is crap in every way btw, "mean therapist" works for greg house and greg house only). so the camera goes close. it makes the viewer claustrophobic like bucky. but when he's like "no i haven't had any nightmares" the camera suddenly goes really far. we see bucky as this tiny head in the center of the bottom of the frame. we are distanced from him. he has pushed us away. we cannot see him. he lies because he is vulnerable. so yeah, amazing work there. the therapy scene was hard to watch on purpose!

did bucky slip a note to yori inside the dollar bill? bucky stop making me emooooo. the suuper awkward fake smile has me 😭 (veteran trying to adjust!)

mark my worrrrds when sam asks someone y the govt picked john “white bread” walker they’re gonna say “we needed somebody everyone can get behind....someone uncontroversial, someone everyone can see themselves in” like that exact racist dog whistle

tfatws weekly ask 2

just saw ep2 so im taking advantage of the 2 seconds i can be on tumblr without worrying about tfatws spoilers before new episode drops

when isaiah said "your people put me in prison for being a hero" and bucky thought "your people" means hydra. 🤦‍♂️

speaking of racism, the interplay between sam being Black (anti-Black racism) and sam being the Falcon (negrophilia, "can i take a selfie w you as i deny you a loan?") and the intersection between the two (j*hn lichrally called sam "steve's wingman"! he takes the crypto out of crypto-racist in like 2 seconds!) !!!!!!!! a Black celebrity's Black experience, the separation of man and identity!!!! (thinking about vanessa bayer in snl in that skit "beyonce is black" telling her black friend "you're not black, you're...my girl!")

after sam gets racially profiled by cops we see j*hn standing in front of cop cars cinematic parallels turns out j*hn is racist who knew

this therapist sucks major ass but she got bucky and sam together in the same room and ready to collaborate...that's something ig. it was lichrally couple's therapy she said she used her miracle exercise with couples sambucky antis get blended

bucky says "he was wrong about you so maybe he was wrong about me"...that's not how people talk. when therapist asks bucky, the guy who doesn't talk at all about himself, "y do you hate sam", the last thing bucky's gonna do is actually connect his hatred of sam to his own self-worth issues. bucky generally refuses to talk about himself, so why would he talk about himself in the one context that nobody ever links back to their own neuroses: hatred of other people? one thing human beings hate most is admitting we're wrong. admitting you hate someone because of your own issues? that's a major therapeutic step. bucky would absolutely have to be prompted to do that. even like one or two lines of dialogue more would have set up that line better. but in terms of the actual thought? an amazing way to take the sam/bucky relationship. bucky bases his self-worth on steve believing in him, and if steve is wrong bucky has no self-worth, so 1) he has to develop self-worth disassociated from steve's assessment of him and 2) he has to love himself before he can love sam, and 3) he has to realize that sam giving up the shield is a sign of sam's humility not his unworthiness.

conversely, we don't get into why sam hates bucky? yeah sam has the right to hate a guy that has tried to kill him (albeit while brainwashed) multiple times, and now shows up in his life just to bash him but. everything happens so fast i cant follow their relationship

in fact i dont feel like i understood much of anything. like y did bucky and sam go on that mission together? how connected are sam/bucky/joaquin with the government? doesn't bucky just want to retire now? literally what is everyone doing/feeling and why???

if battlestar becomes a knowing commentary on the black best friend stereotype i'm gonna party, but i dont expect much of that

the interplay between man and symbol. captain america is obviously a symbol. the shield is obviously a symbol. but steve rogers? the. man behind the cowl? he too seems to become a symbol. a paragon of a good guy, so good he's unreachable. steve was just a guy stop idolizing him the last thing steve would want is to be idolized

as the resident musician/music nerd on mcublr, 1) that captain america rally music slaps, but 2) re: the song at the end of the ep, if you're just gonna rip off mozart's lacrymosa then at least play mozart's lacrymosa. we wont blame you the lacrymosa slaps (if you dont know what im talking about go on yt and search it up youll recognize it fo sho

look i love enfys nest as much as the next guy but if tfatws is gonna get erin kellyman to play another innocent little gurl blackmailed into the fakeout-villain position (her text seemed to suggest as such) then 😡 like why can't women just....be evil? young, freckly, innocent-looking women? girls are not untouchable pure objects but full of rage and resentment just as much as anyone can be

bonus ep1 comment: bucky says about that senator whose car he hijacked, "she continued to abuse the power i gave her." fictionaldarling on yt say that he says "i" because he can't disassociate himself from his winter soldier persona which begets endless and senseless guilt. like dude. can i not be emo for like 1 second.

OKay. First off, as much I enjoy your sending it to me, what made you decide to send me these??

-

TFATWS WA #1

Don't worry about getting this to me as early as possible. I usually don't watch the episode right away.

1. Cool writing lesson.

2. Everyone wants a comedy show [like Friends] about the MCU superheroes.

3. Cinematography is always a beautiful thing.

4. Sam definitely has to carve his own Captain America status for himself, outside of Steve's ya know everything.

5. They have to do that for people who was just now tuning in because they're in love with Sam Wilson or Sharon Carter.

6. I think the therapist was taking a 'tough love' approach for Bucky, because she likely has some very strong opinions about the literal assassin she's been assigned to give therapy too. She did not choose to talk to him, she was assigned that make that clear in the second episode.

And, Bucky isn't lying when he said it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a resurfaced memory. So, technically he wasn't lying - and yes, the camera does move away because while he's saying he didn't have a nightmare, he's not expanding on what actually happened - so, he's still pushing the therapist/us away.

7. Bucky, and Steve, have/had a TON to adjust to.

8. Yeah, I agree that will be the bullshit line they give. If they ever actually talk about it.

TFATW WA #2

Yeah, always got to take advantage of avoiding those spoilers lmfaoo.

1. Honestly, that line was double meaning. Both about White people and Hydra [which is made up of mostly white supremacists/nazis] So, the line is gesturing to both White People in general and Hydra assholes together. I think the terminology is “double edge sword”??

2. This whole paragraph structure confused me, ngl - so I'm going to answer it the best I can. I do like that they're not ignoring the fact that Sam being Black is 1000% the reason he's not the Official Captain America - because the gov't is racist as hell.

I also like the little lines about how they point out little things about Sam's Falcon persona, like that kid calling him 'Black Falcon' specifically and Sam's response show the split between Sam and Falcon itself.

John is a dick for calling Sam the wingman of Steve Rogers. Sam was a hero all on his own before Steve asked him to join up again. [Side note, it's lichrally??]

3. Exactly, the parallel of Sam being profiled and surrounded while just on the street and John being surrounded by fans and being able to spring Bucky with apparently only a few sentences shows a Loooooot

4. Honestly, at this point I wonder if she's not actually a therapist and is just an agent assigned to assess Bucky outside of an Official Building. I do know, however, that her 'look at each other and speak' exercise is actually a real therapy practice. It's just a little slower.

5. Actually, I think he would've blurted that out. That whole line. I don't think Bucky hates Sam. I think they could've done the scene better, but I think that had Sam prodded him/the therapist been more annoying Bucky would've lost control of his emotions and blurted out the whole "If he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me" but I feel like the writing for this show is just... not there. Sometimes you blurt shit when you get overemotional and I think that was what Bucky was supposed to be like.

6. I don't think Sam hates Bucky, I think he doesn't trust him though. I do wish they'd talked about that though. The whole 'talk to each other' scene should've been a LOT longer and a LOT slower.

7. Sam and Bucky's relationship is being fast tracked because they don't really know how to work the relationship out, writers-room-wise. Bucky is technically retired, but I feel like he's trying to live up to Steve's expectations and doing what Steve would've done and we all know that if Steve was there, Steve would've jumped on that plane with Sam. It looks like Sam/Bucky/Joaquin are a side-team based from Military services but as Sam says they're all free agents so...?

8. Sadly, They seem to just be propping up to be another stereotype.

9. Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man. But now Steve Rogers is an idol because of all the shit he's been through and honestly, it's not a bad thing he's become an idol for people - it's using Steve as a reason to make White Bread Walker the next Captain that makes Steve's idolization so fucked.

10. I don't know anything about music so I have no opinion here, sorry.

11. Enfys?? Also, I think they did the whole Innocent Girl Thing as side commentary for Bucky lowering his guard about seeing a young girl rather than a guy.

12. Bucky is the Winter Solider. The Winter Solider is Bucky. That is how Bucky will always see it because although he was brainwashed, it was still him and he remembers all of it. When you have constant memories of something 'someone else' did, you tend to not be able to pull the two personas out of each other. I want Bucky to take up the title, White Wolf instead of Winter Soldier. Honest.

This is all my opinion, I’m honestly a little disappointed with the writing of TFATWS so far so... I’m not really optimistic about this.

[fipindustries]

advice for my younger self

listening to that playlist i shared earlier today really got me in the mindframe of me back in my first years of college when i was barely starting to learn what it was to be an adult. and thinking about that i thought of some thing i would ike to say to that person, some bits of basic wisdom that without getting too specific or too monumental would have made a big difference. things that i know i wouldnt have figured out on my own until it was too late.

 this is not about specific mistakes i made but more general attitudes that i should have carried with me back then. most of this is going to be very particular and make sense only to me but if you are interested keep reading.

1) you dont have to complete your carrer in five years, you can take six or seven or ten years to do it, your parents would have assisted you all the same

1.a) as for studying, for christ sake dont just read the textbooks, if you are giving a big test and specifically if its a big oral lesson, write it down before hand, prepare a speech, write a monologue, practisce it, memorize it. prepare specifically what you are going to say when you are in front of the teachers, dont try to just “learn” it and hope that you’ll be able to recall it during the test

1.b) you dont have to take every single course in the semester, you can pick two or three you are really interested in, let the others by the wayside, pick them up later, use the free time to really study properly or get a simple part time job if you can, i know its sounds scary and like its a lot of responsability and like it diverges wildly from the plan you have for your life but trust me, its a lot easier than it sounds

2) dont be afraid of mental illness. is not as scary as it looks form the outside in. you are not gonna go insane, you are not going to get lost in a false world of delusion where you can never know what is real and what isnt. reality asserts itself, things calm down, it goes away. you get through it and you realize is not that bad from the other side. mental illness is a lot more common than you think, a lot more widespread than you think and a lot more manageable that you think. is not the end of the world and is not the end of your world either.

2.a) dont be afraid of the therapist, you will actually enjoy it a lot. it doesnt mean there is something terribly wrong or broken with you. its not shameful. they are smart and trained and they are glad to hear you talk. they are not going to force you into anything you dont want, they are not going to turn you into someone else, they are not going to send you to a mad house. their primary goal is that you be comfortable and at peace with yourself. go to a therapist.

3) keep your eyes open for any boardgame clubs. ask around, i know for a fact there is at least one in every city you’ve lived, maybe not yet at the time of you reading this but there will be. if you find them, join. they are the best thing that has ever happened to you.

4) if you happen to have sexual partners (and im not saying you definetly will) make sure they have a good time. ask what they want and do it for them. make sure they cum, seriously. stay with them. spend time together. cuddle in bed. they are having sex with you so the least you can do is have sex with them as well.

4.a) and by that same token, if you are in a relationship dont doubt to ask for sex too! be open about that, be forthcomming, but do be respectful. and if they say no or that they dont like to do that you should probably end the relationship, you are not going to be happy with them.

4.b) dont be afraid to try on womens clothes, you have my blessing, explore your femmenine side, try on make up. try on the fake boobies. do silly frilly pinky femmenine stuff. i know it’s just a weird fetish for you but if you have a partner be open with them about this and if they are supportive or want to help you explore this take full advantage. and dont worry, its not some dirty disgusting terrible secret that must be hidden from everyone. your friends and family are going to be ok with it if it ever comes out but dont feel is some dark secret that you must confess either, its your bussiness and for you to figure out at your own pace (also, hey, weird tip, i know it will sound absolutely nonesensical to you but did you know there are a lot of trans women who are trans without expiriencing dysphoria, just a fun fact i wanted to share with you :) )

5) dont be afraid of SJWs, they are not going to take away your games, they are not going to ruin cartoons or art or books or movies. masterpieces will still come out, well written, well drawn, well programmed and well animated masterpieces that you will love. you will be amazed at how easy is to ignore those people and how irrelevant they actually are once you stop following them on tumblr and once you stop going to twitter. 

5.a) if you think politics is stupid or cancerous now, wait until 2016, ok?

5.b) learn to apologize and own up to your mistakes. if a friend or an acquaintance is telling you that you are being an asshole online dont get defensive, just drop it and move on. dont make a huge deal out of it and dont engage in long protracted discussions online. just dont, you will embitter yourself, this is particularly salient because to this day you are having problems with this one, though not as frequently as you used to.

6) this one is more superficial i think because overall you did well on your own without advice from the future but... trust in your art. you will will amaze yourself with the things you will create. you ARE going to get a LOT better at what you do and you will learn a lot of things you never thought you would be able to master. you are going to become an amazing artist (that doesnt necesarily mean a financially succesful one or  a widely known one but you will be good at it and, trust me, that is what matters)

7) i know you’ve heard this one a million times but this one is cheating because i am from the future and i know this for a fact, you will be ok. things will work out, you will, time and again, find the way to fall on your feet, your family and friends will be there to catch you. you have a safety net, you are very lucky in that regard, dont take it for granted but it is there. you are not gonna end up homeless in the streets or raped in a dark alley or expelled on in prison or in a mental hospital, so relax and stop being so scared. you have ten very weird years ahead of you so good luck with that.

ps: you are going to meet a girl named zoe, she’s great, she’s the best. dont go live to hear apartment if you dont have a stable job and able to pay your own rent. and if you do make sure you moved out of it by february of 2020. if fact if at all possible, try not to be in cordoba by 2020. you are going to be fine as long as you are careful, you are not gonna die, i repeat YOU ARE NOT GONNA DIE. but do be extremely careful. thats it, godspeed.

[haikyuuscreaming]

hi um so no one requested this but like i went through something basically like this and cried a whole lot about it and i dont think its even that angsty or makes sense but i just barfed it up as a vent fic so haha funny imi’s stupid and writes about her emotional exhaustion as an x reader 

heres an unrequited iwaizumi x reader :D (SORRY THIS ISNT FDSKFJ this isnt really a tumblr drabbles its more of an ao3 oneshot so)

(also sorry if none of the fic makes sense or flows well,,, i just wanted to get this out)

-

Ever since your first day at Kitagawa Daiichi, you found yourself with a crush on Iwaizumi Hajime.

You couldn’t help it. As soon as you saw him in your school-orientation group the week before school started, you couldn’t help but feel something more than a friendly glow. You were already sitting with your orientation group, but once you saw him join the group (albeit sort of late), your stomach practically flipped with butterflies.

He even sat down next to you.

The rest of the orientation went more than fine. Your delight when Iwaizumi started conversations with you was absolutely immeasurable. Even when your group was performing normal get-to-know-you activities, your heart seemed to race every time he made eye contact with you.

“Your name’s [Surname] [Name], right?” Iwaizumi asked, tapping his pencil against his desk. The orientation paper had asked for the names of three people in your group.

“Yeah.. and you’re Iwaizumi Hajime…?” You didn’t really need to question it, but you did so anyway to be polite.

“Mhm. Uh-- sorry, how do you spell your name?” Your heart picked up its pace once you heard him attempt to spell it out. To your feeble, gleeful surprise, he spelled it right.

“Oh! Um, that’s actually how you spell it. Thanks.”

“No problem.” He smiles at you and your seventh grade self felt like beaming brighter.

His impression on you had lasted.

In fact, that first impression on you had made your school year much better somehow.

Initially, you wanted to go to Yukigaoka with your best friends, but you ended up getting into Kitagawa Daiichi. You were miserable at the prospect of going into a school without your best friends that had been with you through thick and thin, but you lit up once you saw your schedule and found you had quite a few classes with Iwaizumi.

Throughout middle school, you made new friends and became close with Iwaizumi and his friend Oikawa Tooru. They eventually became one of your primary friend groups: you and them. Your number one best friend though, you found, was a new friend you made, Hanae.

Maybe the first mistake you made was telling her that you had a crush on Iwaizumi.

Okay, well, you didn’t tell her- she found out? Forced it out of you? Either way, not a big deal, you two are basically sisters now. But you did kind of wish she would stop mentioning it so much.

“Look, [Name]-chan~” she would always laugh and point at him discreetly whenever he was in the vicinity. “It’s your future boyfriend.”

It was always the same, every time.

“Would you shut up,” you complain, smacking her shoulder lightly which earned a laugh from her. “He could be listening!”

“Just telling the truth~” Hanae would always flash a smile back.

Things changed, though.

On a hang-out with Iwaizumi and Oikawa, you noticed their glances at each other-- Iwaizumi's being weary, while Oikawa’s was cheeky and sly.

“Hey, what are you two smiling about now?” you laugh lightly. The varied stares they gave you made you quiet down. “No, seriously, are you keeping secrets?”

“Of course not,” Oikawa chimes in. “Iwa-chan has big news though!”

Your heart rate spikes a little bit and you feel sweat beading on the back of your neck. And you're blushing too. Under Iwaizumi's warm, sharp gaze, you feel like melting under his radiance. “Eh? Haji, spit it out!!” Your anxiety falsely passes off as intrigue and excitement.

Flushing a little bit, Iwaizumi scratches his neck and smiles at you, “I wanted you to be the second to know, I have a girlfriend.”

…

You're shell-shocked.

If Oikawa picks up on it, he doesn't say so. “Seeee, [Name]-chan, I know we didn't believe it, but Iwa-chan finally snatched himself a girl!” Iwaizumi responds with a swift punch to the gut.

“I….” you can't find the words. You force yourself to smile like it's the only thing you can do. “Haji, that’s amazing!! Who is it? I didn't even know you had a crush…” Your voice falters but you push your words out as if your life depended on it. How did you manage to sound so genuinely happy when it felt like your entire world was about to crash?

Iwaizumi flushes again and you feel jealousy seep in. You so wish it was you that he blushes for. “Haha, yeah. Oikawa didn't know either for once; I didn't tell anyone, you know? Wasn't really sure yet. But it’s Aika-chan.” The way his face lights up burns a hole in your heart.

He even uses -chan for her. How special. The bitter envy feels like acid rising in your throat, and you feel queasy. Like you could keel over, cry, and puke out your guts.

“Ohhh, Aika-san is cute,” you make yourself say.

(Honestly, you're so good at lying and saying this wrong but right bullshit, you’d think you're a sociopathic robot or something.)

“Mmm… don't get jealous though, [Name]-chan, you're cuter!” Oikawa hums and you laugh loudly, hoping that you'll fake it till you make it. “Tell her how it happened, Iwa-chan. It was hilaaarious.”

The poison in you burns harsher but you nod along.

“Don't tell me what to do, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi bites almost playfully, before meeting your blank gaze with his kind, gently blazing eyes that always made you weak. Right now, you were not weak in the good way. “Aika-chan confessed to me yesterday near the sakura tree after we had class together… and I don't know, I guess it really clued me in that the feelings I had were real.”

(Iwaizumi looks so happy and content that it makes you want to be happy too, but you honestly feel like doing nothing but crying.)

“Aww, that's so sweet~” Your voice gets softer and you hate yourself so much for sounding weak.

But before either boy can reply, the panic and agony sets in. You feel your eyes glass up and your body tense, and your mind is begging you not to break down.

Unfortunately, they both notice.

“[Name]-chan? Are you okay?? You look kinda sick~” Oikawa sounds cheery and playful but his eyes convey an undercurrent of worry.

And bless Iwaizumi’s stupidly handsome oblivion, he blinks at your worriedly and puts a hand on your shoulder to steady you. “Do you need to go to the nurse? School’s still open I think, and it's right around the corner-”

Fuck him and his mind-meltingly handsome everything. Just his voice and his sharp gaze makes you want to cry harder and collapse to him.

“I-I have to go, sorry guys,” You fucking despise how cracked your voice is becoming as your facade slips. “I promised Hanae that I'd go get bubble tea with her. See you Monday.”

Eyes stinging, you turn as quick as you can and ignore their confused voices.

(The tears flow like acid and you feel like dissolving from the inside out.)

Months pass and you deny your horrifyingly strong yet compressed feelings.

You greet Aika and Iwaizumi in the hallways, and you know that you're happy because Iwaizumi is, and that's honestly all you could ask for your long-time crush (turned bitter love). You even talk to Aika freely during shared classes, just to disguise your depressing jealousy.

Every time you see them share a discreet kiss or grip each other's hands, you genuinely wish you were dying. It sure feels like you are.

(Like you're drowning, like your lungs are burning up and you're begging for oxygen, begging to breathe in Iwaizumi's love that's reserved for someone else. It hurts a lot but he's happy.)

(So you have to be happy.)

Hanae spares you sympathetic looks. “Come on, wifey-chan, you're married to meee. Get over him, he doesn't deserve you if he chose Aika the troll over you.”

“That's mean,” you sigh and crumble onto Hanae. “Aika-san’s nice. And pretty. And talented. It's no wonder Haji would choose her.”

“Stopppp! You’re so much more than Troll-chan, okay?!?” Hanae’s pep talk is brash, but you appreciate the charm. “If Iwaizumi-kun doesn’t see that, I’ll punch him.”

You laugh lightly at the fact that Hanae had talked to Iwaizumi enough to be calling him kun, but your voice is still heavy despite the sentiment. “You're so weird. But that's why I love you.”

“Of course you do~”

On another innocent hang-out with Iwaizumi and Oikawa, you’re met with abrupt news.

“Aika and I broke up.” Iwaizumi mutters softly.

“Eeeeh?!” You’re shell-shocked again, but you'd be lying if you said you were crushed like last time. “But-- but you guys were doing so well! You were the cutest couple!”

“She broke up with him over text,” Oikawa chimes in and you gape as Iwaizumi punches him again. “Two days ago.”

“She what-”

“She said she wasn't ready for a relationship,” is all Iwaizumi says.

You feel heartbreak and burning pity boil inside of you. “I-I’m so sorry, Haji… you didn't deserve that. You'll find someone better.”

Me. It's me, I promise I won't break your heart the way she did, because you're all I ever wanted.

He nods and for the first time in a while, he hugs you tight. “Yeah..”

It breaks you because it feels so good, his embrace warming you.

But it breaks you more to hear him whisper, “I can’t get over her though.”

(You just wanted him to be happy but he can’t. You can’t fix it.)

“You will,” you breathe out, trying not to let the tears slip. “You’re gonna be okay.”

(You know you’re not.)

But you don’t say that when you feel Iwaizumi’s shaky breath and him muttering, “Thanks.”

“Oh my god, [Name], did you hear about Hajime-kun?” Hanae’s alarmed voice three days later makes you concerned.

First of all, Hajime-kun-- “W-What? What happened now??” Nonetheless, panic still seeps into you.

“Aika broke up with him!!” Hanae seems so worked up over this and you wonder, how close is she to him? “Can you believe it?? She really threw away one of the best people in school!”

Shouldn’t I be saying that…? “Yeah, I know…” you try not to sound too bitter. “But like, it’s not really her fault she wasn’t ready for a relationship..”

Hanae huffs and crosses her arms, leaning onto you. “Well, I mean you’re right, but she shouldn’t have signed herself up for it if this was gonna happen. I feel so bad for him.” You’re about to layer on your argument, but Hanae straightens up and smirks. “See, your man’s single. Shoot your shot!”

“Right after a break-up?? Hanae, you’re batshit crazy-”

“Uh, well, make him like you, then shoot your shot!”

Your head and heart kind of hurts from all this talk about Iwaizumi, no matter how smitten you are for him, so you just blindly nod and agree.

It works for the rest of the day until you get home and cry into your pillow, wondering what to do.

Hope is re-kindled into you.

Over the past two-ish months, post-breakup, you find that comforting Iwaizumi makes you feel much better than wallowing in your self-pity. It’s a win-win: you’re putting even more of his trust into you, you two are getting even closer, and this could quite possibly end up in a great situation.

You melt at the sight of Iwaizumi, and every day you can see happiness soak back into him. Every time he laughs at one of your stupid jokes or grins at you while you rant and complain, you feel like your heart stops out of complete adoration of how stunning he is in every way you can think of.

He isn't perfect, but you think he's the perfect match for you.

And one day, at a study “date” (you try very hard not to take that term to heart!!) at a café, Iwaizumi peers up from laptop and gives you his signature, gruff yet content smile and says, “You know, I don't think I need Aika anymore.”

(You want to kiss him.)

It’s honestly been a shitty time for you and your friends, you realize.

Hanae broke up with her boyfriend, as you would have figured over the past few weeks she’s been ranting to you about how annoying and clingy and overprotective he is, but you found that she broke up with him over text. Oikawa went through three girlfriends in a month, to which he pouted and whined about but you knew he was secretly relieved that he didn’t have to carry more burden. And there’s the whole heartache Iwaizumi thing, even though things have been getting relatively better.

(You also realize amongst all your friends, you’re the only one who’s stayed very, very very single. You hope that’ll change soon.)

Things are going absolutely amazing with Iwaizumi. Even Oikawa’s been smirking at you and teasing you about your “true love” (to which you frustratedly deny but you honestly know that it’s just the truth when you consider your feelings for him). The two of you have felt confident enough to spend time with each other at your respective homes without feeling awkward or the need to have Oikawa there to provide a third wheel. You couldn’t wish for anything more.

So now you’re at a family-friend’s party, lounging on the couch away from the scene, on your phone. It’s so loud, but you’re content and refreshed on all the snacks you’ve practically been inhaling. Your phone pings in your hand and you glance up at the notification you’ve just received.

Oh, a text~

It’s from Hanae.

poopy hanae >:)): [name] are you busyyy

YOU: no not really

YOU: just at a party

poopy hanae >:)): OH okay so um can i tell you something but

poopy hanae >:)): i dont want you to get mad or sad ...so please let me just finish my texts

YOU: ?? yea go ahead , ill wait for you to finish :)

You feel kind of nervous once she puts it like that, but you let her continue.

poopy hanae >:)): remember how after my break up i promised i wouldn’t fall for anyone else, not for a while yk? i promised that to me and him: i wouldn’t let my heart get broken or whatever. but i found out that i don’t think i’ve ever really fallen for my ex. i think i just dated him because i felt bad and felt like i had to date him because i didn’t wanna reject him… but it happened still. but i think i’m in love now. honestly.

poopy hanae >:)): i’ve never felt this way around any guy before, not my ex, not anyone. everytime i see him my heart goes crazy, and i want to talk to him all the time. he’s just so perfect in every way. he’s so smart, he’s handsome as hell, he’s strong and caring… and i promised both of you i wouldn’t fall for anyone else but i broke that promise to him, you, and me. and i think you’ve figured out who he is now.

poopy hanae >:((: i’m sorry i can’t help it. i didn’t want to tell you because that would make our friendship weird but i hope now we’re at the stage where we will still be best friends regardless of him. i’m truly in love with iwaizumi hajime and i’m gonna confess to him on monday (tmr). i love him so much but i want you to know i love you more so he won’t ever get in the way of us. ily <3

The more you read the message, the more it makes you want to cry. Your hand starts trembling around your milk tea and you feel your face warm up, your eyes glassing over and your vision blurring. Stumbling your way into the bathroom, you lock yourself inside, staring at yourself in the mirror. You watch your delicate, shaking features in the mirror as the first bitter tear rolls down your cheek. More tears follow.

Sobs wrack your body and hot tears glide down your face, constantly, like a river. Whimpers escape you, and your lips are cracked and dry, and you keep thinking, Why would she do this to me?

YOU: ahaha it’s okay!!!

YOU: a boy shouldn’t get between us, ly :) make him happy

YOU: you desrvee him mroe than anbyody else

You cover your mouth with your shaking fingers in hopes that the others can’t hear you outside over the music.

You pretend it’s fine the next day at school.

Hanae doesn’t even mention it, but she hugs you a lot more and keeps whispering, “I love you”. The bitterness has sunken in a little bit and you resist the urge to tell her, It doesn’t change the fact that you broke me, but you figure that it’ll be okay.

You’ll just lose your feelings for Iwaizumi so she doesn’t have “competition”.

(It turns out to be harder than you think.)

When you see Iwaizumi at lunch, his smile never fails to make you flush a little bit and make you feel so warm and comfy. When he sits down next to you (!! ahhh!) since Hanae was in line for lunch, he makes a sigh-grunt noise as he nestles his chin into the crook of his palm. Oikawa, bless his dumb ass, sidles down next to you, making a dramatic sigh.

“Did you know Hanae-chan confessed to Iwa-chan today?”

You try so, so SO hard not to tense. “Yeah. She told me a few days ago that she- she was in love with him.”

(The way your voice cracks at “in love” is pathetic, you think.)

You don’t miss the way Oikawa’s face briefly flashes a frown at you before morphing back into his signature pretty-boy smile. Iwaizumi looks a little embarrassed to be talking about this but he nods. “Yeah, she pulled me aside right before lunch and… yeah. It was so embarrassing…” You’re in fucking awe of how cute he is even when he’s distressed, but you remind yourself (with a pang of bitterness) that you aren’t supposed to think that anymore.

“And I turned her down,” Iwaizumi continues, and your ears almost fucking pop at the noise. He- how, what? Why? “‘Cause I don’t know, I never really felt that way about her. I guess that’s why she’s been talking to me more and more lately. She said she understood if I wasn’t ready to move on ‘cause of Aika and stuff, but.. she said something like she’ll change my mind.” He snorts and murmurs, “I don’t think that’ll happen, honestly.”

Oikawa laughs, a peppery laugh accompanied with a side-eyed glance towards you. “Iwa-chan, you’re such a brute~ You sure that’s the only reason you turned her down?”

Iwaizumi lets out a snort again. “Yeah.. I’m over Aika now, but I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship. Plus, there isn’t anyone that I like like now. Hanae doesn’t stand out.”

The statement makes you crumble on the inside.

You idiot of a best friend. What good are you if you don’t stand up for Hanae?

But it doesn’t matter! He said he has no interest in anyone, including you. Or her. It’s pointless, futile. He never even considered you.

You’re so stupid, so worthless sometimes. You’re the worst. It doesn’t matter if you would go to the end of the world for Hajime. You have to give this up for her. Fight for her because he would never settle for someone like you.

You fight back the sob crawling in your throat, as your self-loathe and intrusive thoughts rain in. You try so hard not to let it get to you, but still-

It’s what Hanae deserves for putting up with you.

“You should give her a chance,” you force a small smile. “I mean, she’s pretty and smart, you know?”

Oikawa gives you a pitying gaze before Iwaizumi shakes his head, his cheek now pressing against his palm. “Nah. I don’t like anyone in that way now, and it’s gonna stay like that for a while, I’d think.”

He doesn’t like anyone in that way.

You shrug and nod, “Fair enough,” but your voice is so much smaller. You love Iwaizumi Hajime so much, and he’s always been your everything. From his habits to his comforting demeanor and his entire profile, he’s always infatuated you and you know that no matter how hard you deny it for anyone, you will never let go of the feelings that shackle you to him like chains.

You love him so much.

But I guess I’ll never win.

[isnotys]

Clouds Pt 2

Summary: Embarrassed about the smoke cloud Snapchat mistake, Grayson seeks comfort in y/n and Ethan gets really jealous. Y/n takes it upon herself to convince Ethan that she isn’t stealing Gray away, but merely wants to share him.

Warnings: fluff, jealousy

Part 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`~~~~

“Some girl?!?” I said, my heart breaking into a thousand pieces as I felt a thousand cuts all through my body. I thought we were all friends, I know we became a closer group because Gray and I got together, but I felt I had bonded with E and I thought we were actually friends. 

Emma actually reintroduced us at an event and they remembered me from our interview for Clevver and that’s how our friendship started. Although I had become his friend because Emma was my bff and his brother became my boyfriend, I considered Ethan one of my closest and most trusted friends. And having been in the entertainment industry for a while, that was a difficult thing to find. 

I tried to keep my calm even though I just wanted to cry, hit him and then hug him. “Though you have a reason to think I am your friend just because your girlfriend is my best friend and your brother my boyfriend, I actually care very much about you,” I said trying to keep my voice calm and so it wouldn’t break just like my heart did. 

This took him by surprise, he tried to keep an angry face, but I saw that it softened him a little. He spoke in a low voice, knowing someone might hear, but firmly, “I don’t believe that for a second, and I don’t trust you.”

My heart dropped to my stomach. 

Grayson came in suddenly and he notably felt the tension in the air, “Is everything ok?” he asked keeping his eyes on Ethan. 

“Just fine,” Ethan said, but he obviously couldn’t fool Grayson. There is no one on this earth that Grayson knows better than Ethan. 

“There’s something wrong here, I can tell,” Gray said. 

“Your girlfriend here is pretending to be my friend to steal you away from me, and I am done with it,” Ethan said looking at me, eyes dark with anger. However, he couldn’t stand to look at Grayson because he knew that the words coming out of his mouth were gonna hurt his twin brother. 

“That is not true at all,” Emma says coming out of nowhere. I had completely forgotten she was even here and couldn’t get a word out of my mouth, my head was spinning. Meanwhile, Grayson wouldn’t take his eyes off of me, I was completely unable to look at him and just kept staring at the wall past Ethan. 

I love Gray more than anything, but I know him pretty well and no matter how much he loved me if his brother wasn’t on board with our relationship, I know that will eventually drive a wedge between us. I need to make this right.

“Emma’s right, E. Y/n has done nothing but prove that she’s a real friend to all of us. She’s even-“

“THERE YOU GO AGAIN DEFENDING HER, WHY DONT YOU SIDE WITH ME??? YOU LITERALLY PUSHED ME OUT OF THE WAY TO GET TO HER SO SHE COULD COMFORT YOU! THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT!!!” Ethan says completely losing it and not even caring enough to fake it anymore. He honestly looks like he’s about to cry, but he’s too proud for that. 

Grayson tries to talk to him and grab onto him, but he storms off to his room and slams the bedroom door behind him. “This is completely uncalled for and totally unfair. He’s wrong!” Grayson says visibly upset. 

Emma looks at me waiting for me to say something, but words fail me. Not only did mistake Ethan for a friend, I knew no matter what, this was gonna have a negative effect on my relationship with Grayson. Chills ran through my whole body and I had this unmistakable knot in my throat that meant I was about to lose it myself. 

Grayson, who had just had a terrible day himself, hugged me so tight I could barely breathe. He knows Ethan is being his overdramatic, but he also doesn’t want him to feel left out or that he is being exchanged for someone else. After all, they have been through so much together, but that’s just it, their bond is unbreakable no matter what or who tries to come between them and I certainly wasn’t trying to. 

“I can’t believe he shows more jealousy for Grayson than for me,” Emma says forcing a laugh to try and help the situation. 

“I get it,” I say trying to keep it together. “He sees me as a threat, not as a friend. I think we should give him some space. Grayson you should go talk to him,” I say pushing him away. 

He looks at me confused and even hurt. “You want to leave?” he says and his voice cracks a little.

“No, but you guys need to figure this out. If you don’t, it’ll only hurt all of us in the long run. And as much as I want to talk to him, maybe yell at him a little, this will only make things worse.” 

After that, I just leave. 

⁃         -              -           -            -             -

It’s been a couple of days after the incident, Grayson and I have been talking through it, but I haven’t had the courage enough to go to his house. I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m avoiding him, which isn’t all that untrue. I just have a history of not being able to keep my cool and I know that the more I stay away the better the chance we have of things working out in a positive way. And to be quite honest, it’s not like Ethan has done anything to make it any better. 

I hear a knock on my door after coming out of the shower. It was a Saturday and it’s not like I have that many friends to begin with and they certainly would let me know before coming here. 

As I open the door I see the back of a tall figure as he turns around I am astonished to see who it is. Out of all people, Ethan is not the one to ever apologize first. 

“Hi. Can I come in?” he says in a low voice, calm and cool, but avoiding eye contact at all costs. 

“Yeah, sure. Can I offer you anything to drink? I just got some-“ I say, but he quickly cuts me off. 

“I need to apologize for my shitty behavior. You are a good girlfriend to my brother and I need to respect boundaries.” He says firmly and looking me in the eyes. His brother might win me over with those eyes, but he can’t. 

“You see, Ethan, I don’t have an issue with you wanting more time alone with your brother. I am more than willing to compromise and find a better balance for you to have your space and time with each other.” I say as I stare him down so he knows I mean what I say, but that I won’t let him manipulate me.

“That’s great. See? All fixed! Now Grayson will be happy,” he said with what I’d call a fake enthusiasm.

“That’s exactly the problem here, Ethan. I thought we were friends, good ones. And you just see me as the girl who’s trying to steal your brother away? We were all friends before we started dating. You even said you didn’t trust me,” I say my voice breaking and shedding quite a few tears against my own will. I hate crying in front of people, not because of them thinking of it as a weakness, but they usually think that you do it on purpose. Or worse they’d let you win an argument so you stop crying rather than because you were right all along. 

I don’t think that’s what’s going through his mind though, although I don’t dare look at him. The tension dissipates a little. He shifts and when I look at his face he looks surprised and somehow he seems to have put his guard down.

“It’s not that I don’t see you as a friend. I just thought you felt obligated to hang out with me because your best friend is my girlfriend and you are dating my brother,” he says trying to read my face. I can’t blame him for not trusting many people, after all, in this industry and all that they have been through, it’s better to be careful. 

“I understand that and that it’s your instinct to protect your brother and the bond you have together. However, I care about him and I care about you as a friend as well and not just because of my relationship with him. I felt you and I had bonded over our crappy past friendships and hardships,” I say wiping the tears from my face, and he seems to realize what this has all been about. 

“You are right. Damn, I am truly sorry y/n, sometimes to protect ourselves we build walls and end up hurting people. I guess I’ve been keeping you at bay so that I don’t get attached, but I also don’t want to see my brother get hurt. Maybe I thought I could protect him from you, but I see now there’s nothing to protect him from,” he says almost whispering and keeping a low stare.

“I am completely in love with your brother and I don’t want to take him from you, I want to share him. He’s annoying, loud and hyper, but he’s sweet, kind, caring and hot as hell,” I blurt it all out because it’s the truth. Nothing has ever felt as special and genuine as my relationship with Grayson and I can’t let anything get in the way of being with him. He’s my person.

“I should’ve known better, y/n. You do care about him and I think you should talk to him,” Ethan says looking worried.  

“Why do you say that?” I ask now getting worried.

“He thinks I ran you off.”

“Oh, you’re not getting rid of me that easily,” I say gathering my stuff so Ethan takes me to their place to surprise Gray.

When we come through the door, we can hear Grayson is in the kitchen, so I rush there. It smells like he’s been baking *dairy-free* cookies.

Once he sees me his expression changes drastically, he runs to hug me and spins me around. 

“I’ve missed you so much peaches, I thought I lost you,” he whispers into my neck making all of the hairs on my body stand up. 

“You could never,” I can barely say because he just kisses me, making me melt into his arms and for once in a long time, everything feels right. 

The End

[nightmare-circus]

Serica | Reaction 4/4 | Ode to…

When: Second motive, when their surroundings were not these ephemeral islands but a quiet village. In the midst of suffocating fear, after she had committed to holing up in her room, before he had come to stay with her.

Where: On their mirrors. Due to aforementioned self-isolation.

Who: One conspiracy theorist, one nurse. Just friends, for now.

What:

( > seriously though i dont want to find you dead )

> then don’t go looking

( > how could i not? )

Why:

IX. Yamamoto, Deacon

Was it her fault, for trying to make concrete plans for the future?

( “Deacon Yamamoto, I will do everything in my power to make sure you and I can leave here, that I will find you and bring you home and we’ll spend days just sitting on the couch watching terrible sitcoms, riding on the subway gossiping about tourists, walking through the park hand in hand…“ )

No, that was stupid. 

Serica may have been a woman who believed in more than the average person, trusted in platitudes and jinxes where others would scoff, but even in the midst of the unthinkable she was dimly aware this wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t his fault. It was…. someone else. Someone else’s fault.

A someone else who she needed to find. But, she found herself once again incapable of meaningfully investigating. Not this time for exaggerated pain and weakness, but of a pure inability to move forward both physically and psychologically.

She’s done this before. She had just forced herself to shallowly rationalize and pack away the deaths of Miles, Juniper, Tatsuya, Elise. One more couldn’t be bad. She was great at compartmentalization wasn’t she? She was able to laugh and have drinks hours after poisoning a man, she was able to pretend to be a victim when only half an hour before she had killed one Danny Ostergard with her two hands. If she approached this from a distance, with the veneer of a woman who had nothing to do with the dead man before her, with the objectivity of a woman who simply was trying to figure out what was going on… she could do this, right?

Let’s begin.

How does she even begin to explain Deacon Yamamoto?

(Ah… he’d probably like that reference, wouldn’t he?)

u/BoysBBUGS ||  u/aviary23

Head mod of Fanatical Ravings of the Disappeared, he(?) had a lot of theories that she didn’t necessarily subscribe to, but saw his contributions interesting to pick at. Ships passing through the night on the world wide web ocean.

IX. The Hermit || XI. Justice

A neighbor of a neighbor, though she hadn’t seen him around much. Does he keep to himself? Why the mask?

Cockroach & Serica

A riot of a man, able to make her laugh to hysterics at their first meeting. Supposedly 32 years old, supposedly unable to bath for fear of chemicals, supposedly with child with a man he had just met. Willing to have himself come off as incredibly unreasonable in public. Despite all this, clearly intelligent, clearly possessed a mind that had a voracious appetite for information and was wonderful to bounce theories on. An asset, despite it all.

( “I’m Serica by the way!” )

[…]

“They gave me the name Cockroach. Fucking COCKROACH Ser. What kinda joke is this shit?”

“I have a dumb fucking gift and Cockroach might as well be my real name since I doubt I’ll ever hear my original one ever again.”

Roach & Riccy

Slippery in every way, but not so unreasonable as he seemed. Logic was a great way to combat him, and any answer often had to be weaseled with either heavy theorizing (her specialty) or with a tango with some off the cuff roleplaying (decidedly not her specialty). She wouldn’t be so cocky to say that he changed his habits for her but… she thinks she had a hand in convincing him. He really wasn’t so bad, if you gave him a chance, and he’d surprised her more than once with acts of care and thoughtfulness.

Dee & ██

A friend for sure, and one who seemed to have a genuine loyalty. No qualms at seeing her drop a stun gun in front of him, no reservations when she admitted tentatively that she slept with a knife, no judgements when she casually brought up murder once more. Morals in the traditional sense didn’t seem to shackle him, which was very convenient to incorporating him into her tentative plans. 26, not 32. A New Yorker, as well though rather than any borough, his car was his home. Given his life he had become a stranger to hugs, to positive affection, but once he had a taste he was hungry for more. For all his mock lovers and public swooning, he was dense to actual subtle flirting.

( “My middle name. Aka, no risk of harming me if a faelien hears it. ██.” )

“I don’t have a middle name. I’d tell you if I did, swear. You can call me Dee though. It’s a part of my first name and you already know the first letter of it when I fucked up that one time. So Dee is a pretty good substitute then, yeah?”

Deacon & ███

Incredibly cute. A true newcomer to being hit on, to being told he’s handsome, to being kissed, to being in a relationship. A strong backbone even as she herself wavered in the days leading up to the decisive moment. Determined, stating possibilities as if they were facts and refusing to acknowledge her agonizing over the worst case scenario. Through everything, an unwavering support, a hand on her back, a shoulder to lean on. A good singer of lullabies, in her opinion.

( “███. My name is ███.” )

“Deacon.”

Deacon Yamamoto & ███ ██ █

Did not hold himself in the same concern he showed her. Makes a fuss in the public chat about the wrongs done to him but brushes off the severity when questioned by his own girlfriend. Still a liar, still a master of faking a smile. 

( “I won’t remember much but i’ll know your name, your, that you helped me so much in escaping that, that you mean the World to me–” she’s just babbling “I probably will believe myself if, if I actually try to find your information or maybe your drivers license– maybe if I put you in as a missing person or– But oh no will you believe me? What if I just show up at your car and you just think I’m a scam artist or–” )

“My license plate is HGO789. Deacon Yamamoto. I’ll believe you. I’ll always believe you.”

( “…█. My last name is… █.” )

███ ██ █

There once was a man upon whom was foisted a change. Upon his rise to a breathing dream, he was stripped of his taste and stripped of subsequent limits. Immune not only to the aches of poison but the salve of saccharin, the burn of capsaicin. To match with his steel stomach was his mercurial tongue, not gifted but cultivated carefully. Silvery and poisonous with every other word, it was at the command of a mind that paralleled in fluidity. It was as if he was a maestro, and his instrument of choice was a dictionary, phrases and scenarios slung with such rapidity that all who listened were on guard for constant whiplash.

So, it meant something when words became actions.

Anyone can say anything. He especially was able to say anything, a master class perjurer of the highest degree. The sun was about to peek through the sky at any moment, he was a Staten Island woman in an unhappy marriage trying to hook up her hair dresser with her son, he was fine, he was going to be okay, he was going to get out of here–

…

There is a difference, between telling someone that you will take consideration for the situation, and spending precious currency to fit yourself with a weapon.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you will help them, protect them, and taking the extra mile to pull down the mattress of a woman who’s waking hell of a gift would not let her climb up the steps otherwise.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you want them to live and helping them plan and execute the death of another person.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you want to live and…

…

(She was failing miserably in this task).

…

No one who looked at his body, at the stagnant ichor dripping out of his head, could understand the potential for warmth like she would. His fingers combing through her hair, pulling out loose tangles and tucking locks behind her ear so she could look at him unfettered. A grin, not sharp and pulled taught, but gently reassuring, murmuring soothing phrases to ease her anxious hands. Irises, bright not with the promise of information to unravel but with unbridled emotion that made his eyes crinkle, a devoted gaze meant for one.

One person, who stood here alone.

“And it’s not like I need it, yanno? I kinda wasted my life away before all of this. Not sure if I want it back.”

"I won’t die. Not yet at least. I have some things that need getting done." 

“I mean I’m not gonna let myself die after I break a leg like some racehorse. I wanna be useful, not a damn trigger happy martyr. ” He had snorted. “I’ll still make a valiant effort to get out of here Rics. But if it comes down to me and you? Well.” He had shrugged. “As a consolation prize I will say, you do make me wanna become someone worth living again.”

"I was impliiiied my dear, of course I’m making it out of here with you. What would the point be otherwise. I was trying to make it seem all badass and broody, adding a technicality to it all would’ve been underwhelming.”

“You’re going to be stuck with me until the end of times.”

“You’re getting out of- we’re getting out of here. You were wonderful.”

“Yes I know. I will. I’m going to get out. With you.”

“Of course, █. We can live a life worth living together out there.”

“It’s going to be alright █.”

“I love you █, please. Trust me, things are gonna be fine.”

“One day at a time.”

One day at a time, she had repeated.

One day at a time, she repeats, staring at his face, flesh frozen in the way that only a cadaver could. She’d never forget the first time she had touched a dead body, and was forced to confront the jarring dissonance, the coldness, the stiffness, the pallor of the skin that had been warm, soft, pliable, just hours before. Only a child, forced to confront the concept of lives ending for the first time. Since then she had seen more than her fair share, from work, from this place, before her very eyes.

Joints creak and echo through her body as she moves, finally. To fold her knees under herself, sit at his side, hand hovering indefinitely, torn between not having to face that final moment of confirmation and wanting to just hold him once more. Before she would have to be torn from him for hours, before they returned from a useless trial and his body would be gone, before she’d have to trudge to their caravan, who’s emptiness would threaten to collapse on her.

“There is nothing worse than not knowing.”

( “No, there’s nothing worse than not living.” )

[hobiwonder]

You don’t want my love | (m)

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader, Jin x Reader

Genre: PWP.

Warnings: Smut. PWP. Infidelity (cheating), degradation, hair pulling, unprotected sex, oral, choking, cum play (little). Dub/con, please read with caution. Yoongi is a major asshole. Reader has serious issues regarding her sex drive holy moly. 

Words: 7k

Summary: You think you’re over yoongi. You’ve started a new life with your new boyfriend Jin who is almost everything you could ask for. Almost.

A/N: this is a gift for @yminie and she knows why. also this is fantasy. Do not come at me with “u support cheating?!?!?!?!?!” because instead of blocking you, i will be mean right back to you. and i dont wanna do that. zero proof read like always lmao. I wanna be super sappy and happy on my blog. but i wILL be mean if you say dumb shit to me that I have clearly said in this note that I don’t condone it. It’s just in a realm of fantasy. To all my other readers who won’t send me dumb asks, enjoy and let me know what you think :)) 

(also imagine this buff yoongi while u read it ajbkkjbfolwrfnl)

“He’s coming here”

“wait what? I-”

“Quick, duck! Y/N just du- Hey Yoongi!” Sunmi has shoved your head – actually no – your entire body down from where you’d been sitting beside her, to under the table so your approaching ex-boyfriend/fuckbuddy didn’t see you.

“Sunmi,” hearing his low voice has automatically sent a signal to your heart mucles to start contracting and pump blood in to your veins faster as your breathing picks up.

“On your lunch break now?”

“Yeah. Lee gave me an hour this time,” the scoff is clear in his voice as you listen from under the table, “something about ‘becoming a statue if I didn’t stretch my limbs.’”

“He’s not wrong you drip. Still a mystery to me how you can sit at that desk and be able to walk afterwards.”

“I’ll have you know,” the screech of the chair across from Sunmi has you muttering curses under your breath as you realise that Yoongi is pulling out a chair to take a seat, “my limbs work just fine. Especially my hips.” The flirtatious tone is evident and you know that he’s trying to bag Sunmi.

He has been ever since you guys broke up. Actually that’s putting it way too politely. He broke up with you. That’s right. He broke up with you because he’d been spending too much time at work – voluntarily. Working at a music production label was not something you had thought that one would want to do overtime. But Yoongi was different. He loved his job as an associate producer for one of the hip-hop duo that the company managed. Which meant that his job was a very important one and included too many responsibilities for you to count or remember. You just had met him because one of your friends – Sunmi to be exact – had set you up on a blind date with a co-worker of her own – Kim Seokjin. He was handsome, polite, held a higher position than Yoongi and actually was his boss for some time before he had been promoted once again but this time – as a partner of the company.

Seokjin came from an affluent family and possessed the funds to be able to have a partnership with a music production company at such a young age. That was partially why Sunmi had begged for you to go out on a date with him. You had just graduated and were working as a waitress while you scoured the web for jobs as a speech pathologist. So one day you decided, why not? If nothing else, the 29 year old could be your sugar daddy that you desperately needed right now. Judge all you want.

But alas, instead of dating your potential boyfriend/sugar daddy, you’d been roped in to a relationship – that sounds like a nicer way to put the relationship you had with Yoongi – you’d end up meeting Yoongi at both of their workplace when you’d visited Seokjin upon his request to have lunch after your first date. And since that day – you’d never felt so sexually frustrated than when you were in the presence of that man. Yoongi had given you bedroom eyes the whole time you’d been trying to pay attention to whatever Seokjin had been trying to say. Don’t get you wrong, Seokjin was beautiful and you were attracted to him. You were. But the kind of attraction you had to Yoongi as he watched you from behind Seokjin, sitting on the table behind where the two of you sat for your lunch – it had you sweaty and slick between your legs in record time.

So the next day you’d apologised to Seokjin and said that you were too busy looking for a job to date someone seriously and that if he could wait, then you would happily want to continue getting to know each other after you felt left less worried about being jobless… and getting wet at the thought of his employee between your legs. And the day after that, you’d asked Sunmi for Yoongi’s number and fucked him in a bathroom stall of the bar that both of you had met at later that evening. Well, it had mostly been him fucking the daylights out of you while you’d tried to catch your breath. You’d thought that maybe he would have reservations about getting involved with his boss’s date. But nope. He’d put out faster than you had anticipated and had your legs spread in the bathroom stall not even three hours later.

And after 4 months of a unhealthily sexual relationship that sometimes felt like a real one and sometimes felt like being friends with benefits – the bastard had broken things off. So what had you done as revenge? That’s right – gone back to Seokjin, your current boyfriend that you were very much happy with. As long as you avoided Yoongi. He melted your brain and made you into a nymphomaniac who wanted to jump his bones. So here you were, hiding under a table – trying to avoid the man who brought you so close to being disloyal to your picture perfect boyfriend. But him flirting with your best friend was only making it harder because this senseless jealousy that you should not be feeling was bubbling up like a volcano.

“Ah hahaha… yeah, uh good joke.” Sunmi’s fake nervous laugh was too obviously fake so you tap her leg in warning that she was being weird which was not good when Yoongi was around. He was a master at reading people and figuring them out. He knew exactly what they meant and wanted or didn’t and that’s what also made him great in bed. Fuck. You were thinking about him in bed again. Naked. His thi-

“Shut up!” You whispered a little too loudly at your own brain before slapping a hand over your mouth.

“Excuse me?” Yoongi sounded confused and you hiped to the lord above that Sunmi could weave herway out of this.

“S-Sorry,” she fakes laugh again, just a smidge better than the last one, “this song is stuck in my head  since yesterday. The one that you’ve been working on actually.” Nice save.

“Oh yeah?” The flirtatiousness in his smug tone had you frowning again. Ugh he was such a slut.

“Yup. Totally,” then she proceeds beautifully hm the tune of the track he must have been working on. God, your best friend had a voice of an angel. And fucking sexy. Guess Yoongi must have thought the same too because the next thing he does is ask her back to his studio. Which is equivalent to; let’s fuck in Yoongi speak. You knew because he’d told you about his previous lays whenever he needed to relieve himself.

“Uhh haha yeah.. uh sure why not.”

“Well, I’m going to go ‘stretch my limbs’ like Lee said, enjoy your lunch gorgeous.” You can almost hear him wink.

Making sure he’s gone, Sunmi then taps you that the coast is clear so you can come up and straighten your back that has started to cramp. And while you’re rolling your shoulder blades to get the cramps out – you finally see the flush on her face.

“What the fuck Sunmi!”

“What?” She whisper-yells right back. “Don’t blame me for responding to his sex eyes, bitch. He’s hot.”

“Ugh, I know. I need to go see my man now. I swear Yoongi’s like a contagious disease for me.”

“Girl,” Sunmi sighs, “I don’t know how you do it. Coming here to see Seokjin-ssi while he breathes here too. Especially since you’ve had that dic-”

“Okay! See you later. Love you, bye!” You scurry out of there before she can finish her sentence and remind you that you indeed have. And you needed to stay loyal to your man who took off time whenever you had your period to look after you. Yes. Seokjin was that kind of sweet and you loved him for it.

Taking the elevator up to the level where his office was, you make your way to his office after the receptionist greets you politely and you smile right back. She was so cute. But when you find it absolutely empty, your eyebrows are furrowing, scrolling through your text messages to see if he mentioned anywhere that he won’t be in the office at this time. But you come up short so instead, you ask his PA when you step outside to look around – thinking maybe he’s lurking there anywhere. Your Jin was a sweet, social butterfly. It won’t be the first time he’s gone on a round to say hello to everyone on their lunch break while you’ve waited in his office.

“Oh he’s just gone to get lunch with Woo PD-nim. Would you like me to order some lunch for you to be brought to the office Ma’am?”

“No that’s okay,” you smile back, “I already ate. I’ll just be waiting then.”

You’re making your way back to the office – which was past a corridor to decrease the level of noise from the reception on days when it was crowdy. Opening the door you step inside and begin closing the door before a foot has wedged between the small space that remained between the door and the wall.

“What-” Yoongi has pushed inside the office, pushing you slightly so you stumble back a few steps while he locks the door behind him.

“What are you doing?!” The disbelief in your voice is clear but Yoongi seems to not care at all, only bringing a finger to his lips slowly while a sly smile takes place on his beautiful mouth. Fuck, you needed to focus.

“You thought you could avoid me, y/n?” you’re walking backwards – a reflex when yoongi’s predatory gaze is watching your every move while he walks forward.

“Y-You can’t be in here.”

“Oh I can’t?” His condescending tone makes you angry and wet all at the same time. You’ve hit the edge of Jin’s desk now while Yoongi has continued to walk forward until he’s right there – less than a step away. Then his gaze flickers down to your chest.

“Your nipples seem to want me here.” When he looks back up, you’ve all but been holding your breath, eyes furrowed as you look at him questioningly, afraid of what he’ll do. What he’ll make you do. But most of all – what you know you won’t fight enough to not do.

“J-Jin will be here any minute. What the fuck do you want?” His hands go beside you on either sides, trapping you between his taller frame as he leans his head down to look you directly in your eyes.

“That’s exactly what I want.” Huh?

“What?”

“To fuck you.” You gasp at the word that’s been whispered so close to your mouth. His chest is almost rubbing against your hardened nipples and all your body seems to be able to do right now is just stay still and listen to his hoarse, rumbling voice.

“W-What is wrong with you? You were just flirting with Sunmi!” the rage that provokes you to accuse him like you two still had a connection, was automatic. But your stomach drops when you see the knowing smile slowly creeping up on his face and you realise your mistake.

You just outed yourself.

“So you werelistening to us.” Your eyes flicker everywhere but at him, knowing that you’ve clearly exposed yourself but not being help it when the lie escapes your mouth again, trying to avoid having your nose bump with his own when he keeps inching closer. Surrounding and cornering you until you break.

“I-I have no idea what you’re talking about.” His laugh at your response is almost sounding innocent. Pure. But when he spins you around so fast, pushing you roughly on Jin’s desk to flip your skirt up you realise – there is no out from this. And you were too weak of a woman to fight your way out. You were already consumed by the carnal lust he awoke in you and the arousal that Yoongi could probably clearly see through your white lace panties was proof of that.

You’re whimpering as he pushes your cheek against the desk and perches your ass up a little more so it stuck out obscenely for him.

“Look at that. You’re soaking wet.” He tsks as his hands run all over your ass, the coarse hands that worked in his studio on his music board or a piano, caressed the supple flesh of your ass while you could only whimper – your hands by your sides. Not stopping him. Not pushing him. Just feeling him grope your ass with his large, veiny hands.

“Y-Yoongi,” you whimper and you know you’re not sounding convincing, “s-stop. I have a boyfriend now- ah!” His hand strikes a cheek of your ass and your pathetic pleading had stopped as soon as his palm had met your flesh; replaced with what could only be described as high pitched moan. Yoongi knew you inside out. He knew that you were filthy and you liked it rough. You loved it when he spanked you when you two had been seeing each other and he was using it to his advantage. Fucking asshole.

“Yeah? Then why is your pussy dripping?” to emphasise his point, he’s roughly using his index and middle finger together to push the sodden material of your white panties inside your clenching pussy, making you bite down on your lip before another needy whimper is fighting its way out from your mouth. Fuck you needed to stop this. Seokjin could be here any minute.

What the fuck was wrong with you? The first thought in your mind was that you could get caught; not that what you were doing was so, so wrong. You loved Jin. Your sweet, sweet Jin who made love to you. Who showed you that pure and gentle sex was so much more than what you had thought it would be: boring. But with him it wasn’t. And yet you couldn’t stop the moan that left your mouth when Yoongi’s fingers pushed in deep, pushing your panties with them inside you.

“I-I want Jin now. I’m not who you used fuck a-anymore.” Yoongi only snickers before striking your other cheek, the flesh of your ass beautifully rosy.

“Oh you’re not? You’re a good girl now are you?” And all you can do is dumbly nod like that makes a difference. You knew you were losing the battle – and intentionally. There was something fucked up about the relationship you both had that was going to remain there forever. Because whenever Yoongi was around, you lost all inhibitions, your moral compass vanishing while only your insatiable sex drive remained. And that is precisely why you avoided him at all costs.

He was scissoring your pussy with his fingers while your white panties – soaked beyond belief – continuously pushed inside along with them creating that extra, delicious pang of friction. And all you could do was weakly murmur ‘stop’ but moan right after each one making him chuckle like the sadistic bastard he was.

“Y-Yoongi- mm – J-Jin will be- ah! – back any moment.” But it made no difference to him and he made sure to tell you that.

“There’s the little slut I know,” you gasp against sleek desk that your scorching cheek was pressed against – your pussy dripping even more as he used the shameful term to address you. “Only worried about being caught. You’re not a good girl after all, huh?”

His chuckle is the only thing louder than your panting. You push your hands behind you, blindly trying to retaliate but instead Yoongi only takes things further by pushing gripping both your wrists in his own and tugging you backwards – almost bowing your back like a crossbow before he’s hissing in your ear all the while he’s fingering your pussy.

“Listen here, y/n. You’re going to get down on your knees, open my belt and put that heavenly mouth on my cock – and suck it.” The grip that he’s holding your hands with is bound to leave a bruise, already making them ache while you listen to him with a hazy gaze and mouth falling open. Too drunk with lust that you’d lost even your voice. But he still had more to say. “You’re going to let me fuck this tight mouth in your precious boyfriend’s office until I cum. Until my cum is dribbling down your face. You know why?”

You let out a dry sob when his fingers slip out of your sodden core and slide down to your clit, “Because I know you want it. Your pussy wants it. Because you’re a cock slut who can’t help herself and stay satisfied with one man.” And it’s worse because at the mention of Jin, you’re really starting to cry now. And not only because it was wrong for you to betray him like this – but because Yoongi was right. You needed to be ravaged. You wanted to be used like a sex doll and fuck hard. You wanted to be humiliated and everything that you can’t imagine Jin would ever do. He would probably run the other way if he found out how much of a horny slut you were. Ready to impale yourself on Yoongi’s cock. In Jin’s office.

“Now get on your knees before your Jin comes back.” He roughly pulls back, finally letting your back slump against the desk to rest for a few moments from the painful angle he had it bent at. But Yoongi is impatient and doesn’t want to wait any longer because he’s grabbing you by the hair – hard enough to sting just a little more than usual – and pushing you to your knees.

“Hurry your slutty ass up, y/n. You want me to go find Sunmi and have her make me cum?” Pathetically and with no shame, you’re shaking your head ‘no’ reaching for his belt as you fish out his hard, vascular and incredibly girthy cock. It was long like his fingers and the veins made the ridges in the length. Hi balls sit heavy behind the base as the red, angry tip leaks precum that has your mouth drooling. And just when you’re about to take him in your mouth – he pushes your head back none too gently.

“Pull down your top. I want to see your tits.” And like a paid street whore, you oblige, pulling down the spaghetti straps of your tank top, letting your breasts away freely. You’re not even fully done with pulling the tank right beneath your breasts – it was a little snug on your bust – that he’s grabbing a fistful of your hair and shoving his cock deep inside your mouth until it hits the back of your throat. You weren’t prepared and the unexpected intrusion has you gagging around it while Yoongi lets out a deep sigh – as if he’s finally been relieved of a great burden. And then he’s pulling back, only to slam back inside. Again and again and again. Relentless and merciless. Just how you liked. Fuck.

“You love this don’t you? Huh? Letting me fuck your mouth. You miss the taste of my cock baby? Or you’re too good after having the rich boy’s dick?” He’s asking you all these questions in his accusing tone as if you can respond. Because at the moment, you are only holding on to his thighs as he uses your mouth, pushing in deep every single time that you’re nestled against his pubic hair whenever he slams back in. You can tell that he’s getting close because he’s lost all control over his breathing; he’s panting and a bit too loudly and the fear that you could get caught has you bringing up your hands to his balls – massaging them to help him over his peak.

And it’s also sending a trickle of arousal leaking past your pussy that you’re letting a man who isn’t your boyfriend, your ex fuck buddy, use your mouth to get off. Fuck you were messed up.

Saliva is dripping past your mouth and Yoongi’s strong hold on your hair has softened just enough for you to stop holding his thighs and bring your hands to wrap around his length while your mouth sucks the mushroom head. “Fuck, just like that. Yeah baby. You like sucking my cock don’t you? You miss it?” and like a good girl, you’re nodding as you suck him off. Twisting your hands around his length while your lips work his head like a pornstar.

“Fuck yeah. Daddy’s gunna cum. Your slutty mouth is so good. Been practicing on your vanilla boyfriend have you? Fuckkk.” His head is thrown back and you’re glad that you don’t have to verbally or physically answer that. Because you haven’t been. Jin was a big eater. And by that you mean: pussy. He loved going down on you and he never expressed too much interest in you reciprocating. And you weren’t sure how to tell him that you liked sucking cock. Every single time you thought of telling him, you felt dirty and improper so you always ended up stalling.

But that was exactly it. You were dirty and improper. At least in bed. You liked sucking cock and you absolutely loved that Yoongi never hesitated but even pushed you to suck his. But you knew that you were just trying to justify the fact that you’re cheating on your boyfriend. But thankfully, Yoongi is close because your mouth is filling up with the constant dribble of the pre-cum, more now than before and before you know it, he’s growling out his release and filling your mouth until the white substance flows over.

“Fuck! That’s so good. You’re a good cock sucker.” He’s pulling you off him by pushing against your head again when you continue to softly bob your head up and down his still hardened length and you come off with an obscene ‘pop’

And you both just stare at each other. Yoongi with a smirk on his ace while he catches his breath, looking down at you. And you – cum covering your chin and dripping down to your tits while you also heave in breaths like you’re never going to breathe again. Your gaze flickers over to the clock and you know that lunch break ends in exactly 20 minutes. The internal sigh is of relief. Relief that you both will have enough time to get yourselves together before Jin was here. Gosh. You were a slut. And you were loving and hating it at the same time. But of course, Yoongi had other plans.

“Rub my cum on your tits.” Your eyes widen at his request when you see his hand back on his length and instead of putting it away – he’s stroking himself back in to a painfully hard erection. “Go on, y/n. I know you love smelling like me.” You wanted to correct him and say ‘loved’ because you two were no longer together. You were not his anymore. But guess what you do? You look him straight in the eyes with your glazed ones, bite your bottom lip and lazily gather his cum from the top of your chest before rubbing the semen all over your tits. Massaging them just the way he liked it.

“That’s right,” he’s whispering now, sounding like he’s in a trance while you throw your head back, eyes closed, “rub it all over your nipples. So when he sucks your tits tonight, he’s tasting your recent fuck. And that’s not him.” Your eyes are shooting open and so is your mouth. Half in surprise of his words and half in arousal as you pinch your nipples and moan your pleasure. Yoongi bends down, picking you up to set you down on the desk while you keep rubbing your tits, pulling your nipples and pushing them together tantalisingly to tease him further. And he simply shuts down your smirk by taking your mouth. Lips encasing your own in a messy, sloppy kiss. So passionate that it feels like you’ve been apart without choice but in fact; it was by choice. At least his anyway.

His hands have now replaced your own, thumbs rubbing your nipples in small circles while your legs go around his waist, pulling him in while you both make out like you’re not on the clock, running on thin ice when it comes to time. And just then, the phone is ringing on the desk, making you pull back from Yoongi so fast you could give professional marathon runners a run for their money. Fearing it might be Jin, you lean backwards – Yoongi still kissing and sucking bruises in your neck – and press the speaker button.

“Ma’am?”

“Y-Yes?”

“Mr Kim send his apologies for being late but he is on his way back now. Should be back within 20 minutes.” You’re holding your breath as Yoongi bends down to take a nipple in his mouth, hoping to lord that your reply won’t be giving you away to Jin’s PA.

“Alright, thank you.” As soon as the line is dropped, you’re pushing Yoongi back, glancing at the clock that says that everyone’s lunch break is probably over in 5 minutes.

“Y-You need to go. Jin will be here soon.” To that, he looks at you as if you’re a naïve child, staring at you for a few moments before bursting out in laughter. And then he’s grabbing your hair again, tilting your head back before his face is displaying nothing but rage as he hisses his reply out.

“You think I’m going anywhere without fucking this pussy? Your cunt is calling for me my dear, sweet, y/n. Stop pretending that you aren’t a slut.” His words are making you horny but angry at the same time. He was the slut who went around offering your best friend to sleep with him before this.

“Takes one to know one.” His smirk diminishes slightly and you bet that it’s because he didn’t expect you to talk back. But you’re regretting the words slipping past your mouth, very very quickly. Because Yoongi is once again, not one to allow back talk.

“You’re going to regret saying that, y/n.” He’s shaking his head while he’s pushing up your skirt, wiping the defiant look right off your face when you see that five minutes have already passed and that Seokjin will be here soon.

“Wh- Wait. Yoongi s-stop.” But yet you make no move to stop him when he yanks your panties aside, pushing your knees up to your chest, making you lie back down on the table.

“Right.” He scoffs. “Like you actually want me to? Do you?” He’s rubbing the head of his cock on your inflamed pussy lips, looking you direct in the eyes while he’s hovering over you. Your pussy is dripping, your heart is beating fast and you swear on everything that is holy that you’ve never been this turned on in your life. Knowing that you’re about to be fucked in your boyfriend’s office, on his desk, by a man that wasn’t him. That was Yoongi. One who at some point you had thought you loved. But lust has won you over and in this moment, you’re not thinking rationally. You’re just a woman who wants to be fucked.

So you’re shaking your head, spreading your legs further, being well aware that you make not get out of this without being caught. “No.”

Yoongi pretends to not here your whisper and raises his eyebrows in question, “what was that?”

“No,” you whimper desperately, “I want you to fuck me. Fuck my pussy like you always did d-daddy. Tear me apart.” You haven’t even finished your sentence that Yoongi has pushed in to the hilt; the girth of his cock stretching you open with a slight burn that makes you mewl. And then he’s fucking you like you want to be fucked. Rough. Raw. Animalistic. The only noises in the room are your whiny moans, skin slapping on skin as his balls hit your ass again and again as he bottoms out in his ruthless pace.

Your head is thrown back, your arms are resting beside it on either side and your mouth is open while you’re being dragged forwards and backwards with the force of Yoongi’s pistoning inside your pussy. “I knew you would come back to me. I knew you would always remain a slut for cock that can tear your pussy apart. And only I can do that can’t I slut?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” you’re moaning out loud as each ‘yeah’ is separated by a thrust of his cock that nudges in deep inside your pussy, resting near your cervix. It’s a burn and you know that not all women enjoy it. But you did. You liked the pain and the pleasure. And you wanted nothing more than to just lay here and let Yoongi fuck you until you died. Because it felt so, so good. So good that you’d lost track of time. Only listening to Yoongi’s heavy breathing as he pounds away at your pussy.

“I’m going to cum inside this cunt and you’re going to walk around with it inside you. I want him to touch your pussy and find it wet and filled with cum from a man that’s not him.” He’s growling and watching your contorted face, tears streaming down it. Yoongi unbends your legs while he continues to fuck you – although slightly slower as he adjusts your legs. And now that they point upwards as he holds them open at your knees, you can feel every single ridge of his cock as it slides inside your swollen pussy again. By opening your legs wider and further, you can feel him hit thatspot that has you seeing stars. The delicious curve of his cock is rubbing on your g-spot and all you can do is shake your head side to side as you hold your fist to your mouth to stop yourself from screaming blooding murder.

And that’s a mistake as well. You’re making a lot of those today. And the worse part – Yoongi takes advantage of it, just like he does of everything when it comes to you.

“Keep looking,” He’s still pounding his cock in you as you shake your head, closing your eyes in defiance while sobbing quietly – trying to contain your pleasure.

“Open your fucking eyes y/n. And look at that picture.” And that’s the first time a tear leaves your eye that’s not because of how good your pussy feels with Yoongi fucking you like there is no tomorrow. It’s because of the frame on Jin’s desk – that’s rattling from the force of Yoongi’s thrusts – with a picture of you and him inside it.

“How does it feel to have a cock inside you that’s not his? Huh?” You say nothing but continue to sob with the pleasure, feeling that familiar knot in your stomach getting tighter and tighter instead of turning you off. Because you’re fucked up and looking at the frame of your boyfriend and you on your first vacation does make you mad at yourself for doing this – but it makes you even more aroused. You’re horny beyond belief.

“Tell me slut. Tell me you love my cock inside your cunt. That only I can make your pussy wet like this.” And that’s the last straw because you’re not holding back anymore. Letting the words come out as you watch his cock slide inside your pussy again and again and again. Everything on the desk rattling as your tits sway.

“I love your cock. I l-love it in my c-cunt,” you’re sobbing as he speeds up at you locking eyes with him while he brings a hand to your throat, holding it tight enough to constrict your air supply but not enough that you can’t talk, “y-you make me so wet y-yoongi. I-I’m your slut. I always w-want y-your cock d-daddy.”

And just when you think you’re about to explode, you can hear voices outside in the corridor that sound suspiciously close to Jin and his co-worker that he’d gone to lunch with. And like the horny slut you are, the idea that your boyfriend is probably right outside and your ex is fucking you in a chokehold is enough for your pussy to let go. You’re coming so hard and in a flash, Yoongi is pulling you off the desk, turning you around to bend you over it just like he had earlier – all the while your pussy is pulsing and dripping from your orgasm that doesn’t seem to be ending – and pushes back inside you from behind. Setting a rapid pace once again while his hand covers your mouth just in time for your screaming as you keep convulsing and coming around his cock that is pounding away.

You’re thankful that Yoongi has realised that you two don’t have time to take it slow anymore because he’s working his cock inside you fast like he wants to cum as quick as possible. The desk is still rattling but there is no helping it when Yoongi is going as hard as he is.

Your cries are muffled by his hand and the sound of his balls slapping on your pussy are loud and obscene. You’re praying to god – you’re not even sure if he’ll listen to you for being such a whore – that Jin isn’t near the door or he’ll be able to sense that something strange is going on with the creaking of his desk and the slapping of the skin on skin.

“Hurry Yoongi,” you mumble tiredly, moaning when he’s building you towards another orgasm rapidly again. His hold on your mouth had slackened and you can see the sweat dripping down the side of his handsome face, the sharp V of his hips evident from where his dress pants hang open while he works his cock inside you.

And then your worst fears come to life when the door handle rattles.

“Huh? I didn’t lock it.” Jin’s voice is muffled but you can hear it clearly when he tries to open the handle again.

Yoongi looks nowhere near panicked while your face must look like you’ve seen a ghost when you plead with him through eyes to just finish already. Instead, smirks and continues to pound your cunt – but even harder that your eyes are rolling back and a moan is leaving your mouth in surprise.

“Y/n? Are you inside baby?”

“J-Just a minute, hon. I’m in the bathroom.” You’re hoping he’s buying your lie. Yoongi has pushed your leg on the desk, opening you up again as he slows down for a moment before speeding up again, jamming his cock inside your quivering and sensitive pussy over and over while you hold on for dear life – and hope that you don’t lose your boyfriend today.

“Ah okay. That’s alright babe. I’ll get a key from Yebin.” Your understanding boyfriend is walking away as you can tell from his steps probably to retrieve a key from his PA to come in. And finally, Yoongi’s pace has frantically increased while you push back to meet his cock halfway, moaning like a porn star because of the short window you two have gotten with Jin going to the reception desk.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” shamelessly moaning while you watch his hips push in to yours, “cum in my pussy daddy. Please give your slut your yummy cum.” You’re almost whining and finally, Yoongi is cursing under his breath and spilling inside your pussy while you simultaneously cum on his cock. Both of your fluids are dripping out of your pussy, making a mess on Jin’s desk as white has covered your swollen pussy.

Hastily, you pull your top back up while Yoongi zips himself quickly, running a hand through his hair all the while he inspects you. You don’t look at him. You don’t even acknowledge that he’s there. Because the shame has started to set in and instead, you just run to the bathroom that’s attached to Jin’s office – leaving Yoongi to his own devices. He could get out of this mess that he created himself.

When you do lock yourself inside the bathroom – the lights turn on automatically because of the motion sensors. And what you see is your swollen lips, lipstick smeared on your face, cum dried on your chest while your hardened nipples are poking through the tank top – with wet rings around them from Yoongi’s saliva and the cum. Your hair is a mess and most of all, you look like you’ve been gangbanged. You’ve just cheated on your boyfriend with your ex, in his office, on his desk, beside the picture of you and him on vacation. And you’d loved every second of it.

Your pussy is buzzing and hot when you bring a hand down to cup yourself through your soiled panties. And you’re horny all over again.

And what do you do? Spend the next ten minutes, rubbing your clit until you cum.

Too bad you’d forgotten that there were cameras in Jin’s Office.

a/n: if you still have bad feelings about this fic, say it to me respectfully and i will listen. otherwise, im being mean right back!!1!! jk im sensitive plz be nice.

[angrylizardjacket]

when i said it i thought it was true [4] {Ben Hardy}

A/N: 2973 words. Listen, I massaged the timeline a little bit, just suspend your disbelief, perhaps it only takes 4 months to be in post production. Also yes I know X-Men didn’t actually film in Egypt, but I didn’t know that at the start of this fic and now I’m sticking with my mistakes because momma didn’t raise a quitter but she did raise a fool.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

“You’re not proposing to me in a sheer shirt.” The moment the makeup team leaves, you turn on Ben, amusement tugging at your lips as you cross your arms, cocking your hip.

“You don’t like it?” He asked, the picture of innocence as he fiddles with the cuff of his jacket. You raise a singular eyebrow. “I think you do like it.” He hummed, a mischievous sparkle in his eye. When you refuse to break eye contact, your silence is answer enough. “I think you like it a lot.” 

It’s been almost a four months since shooting officially wrapped, two since you’d filmed the last of the pick up shots they’d needed, and a full month since you and Ben seen each other in person; you’d been busy with a Netflix series, and Ben had been in talks about a new project, and you’d been messaging every day but seeing each other in person is... well there’s something different. Playful. Easy. Somehow neither of you seem worried about the looming proposal, and are just making up for lost time.

“Love, you’ve gotta take it up with the stylist, not me.” He shrugged, as if helpless, and turned, making his way to the door, knowing without even looking that you’ll be following behind him. He’s chipper, brimming with excitement and looking damn good, and once he gets to the elevator and pushes the button, he offers you his arm while he waits.

“Marry me.” He says it suddenly, watching the numbers of the elevator tick up to your floor. There’s no-one around, and the ring is still in his pocket.

“What?” With a frown, you step into the elevator, and press the button for the lobby, still tucked up against him.

“What if we just show up engaged?” He asks, hand in his pocket where he’s fiddling with the ring box. He’s not nervous, just contemplative.

“And deprive Swarovski of their moment?” You scoffed, and he tipped his head to look at you, eyebrows raised in exasperated amusement.

“I know you hate the ring, ‘too gaudy, too ostentatious by half’, isn’t that what you said?” He snickers after doing as half decent imitation of you. Giving him a shove, you duck your head to hide your embarrassed smile.

“It’s so ‘look at me! Look at me!’” You huff, and he can’t help but laugh at that. The sound of it, in person rather than over Skype, made you feel, for lack of a better phrase, like you were home. Not that there really was a better phrase, you just didn’t want to think about or admit how much you’d missed him.

“Sorry to say, dude, but there’s nothing more ‘look at me! Look at me!’ than a red carpet proposal.” And yeah, okay, maybe he had a point, but that was one night, you had to wear that ring until... they hadn’t told you the DVD release date, but you’re pretty sure it was some time in the New Year. When you bring this up, he just rolls his eyes. “You’re not the one getting down on one knee for a fake proposal; I’m gonna look like an idiot when this is all over.” 

“Well fine, if you’re so worried, I’ll propose.” Instead of dwelling on his words, you step away, holding your hand out expectantly. When he just stares at you, bewildered, you motion for him to hand the ring box over, and he finally cracks a grin, shaking his head.

“If you think I’m gonna be caught dead in that ring you’re wrong.” He spluttered, and you can’t help but laugh at that.

“Fine, I won’t take your first proposal away from you.” You hum with a smile, tucking yourself back against him. He goes very quiet. It takes you a few moments, but you look up at him, brow furrowed. He seems lost in his own thoughts. “It- Ben you’ve never been engaged before, I feel like I’d know if you had been.” Your words snap him out of his trance and he looks at you with wide, bright eyes, and an unconvincing smile.

“Yeah, no, I would have told you by now otherwise.” The silence that falls around you in not a comfortable one, and you’re glad when the elevator comes to a stop. “I got close once, though.” He admits, quietly. You don’t know how to respond to that; you hadn’t considered how much those words would hurt. You want to ask with who, but you already felt an unreasonable rush of jealousy at the thought of someone else stealing his heart enough for him to want to be with them forever. Unreasonable jealousy.

Filming for X-Men started a week ago and he’s only called you once; he’s on a film lot somewhere in Canada and his hair is curly and god he looks cute but the apartment feels so empty. He’s bright eyed and excited. He’s rambling about how busy he is, and he’s still wearing his makeup. The call lasts five minutes; the cast are going out for dinner. You tell him to have fun, but you’re heart’s not in it; he can sense it, and promises to call you tomorrow, before he hangs up.

He doesn’t call, part of you isn’t surprised.

“Marry me.” He asks again, voice low in your ear. The others in the car can’t hear him, but part of you is afraid they might. They don’t technically know it’s not a real relationship, though part of you thinks Gwilym has his doubts, not that he’d ever voice them.

“Not the time.” You shoot him a warning look, and he just slings an arm around you, leaning back in his seat. 

“You’ll regret not letting me be low-key about it.” He warns in return, giving you a blithe smile, and you narrow your eyes at him.

“Low-key about what?” Lucy asks, and you elbow Ben in the ribs. He keeps smiling, though his mischievousness slides to something more fond as he actually looks at you.

“About anything.” You say by way of explanation, and though she, along with the rest of the car, still look confused, they don’t push it. There’s reporters everywhere when you get out of the car, and you and Ben are the last ones out.

“Last chance before this becomes a spectacle.” He murmurs when he steps out after you, straightening the back of your dress just a little, and he sounds amused, but there’s something genuine in his voice, and you take a moment to pause, turning back to him. His hands land on your hips, his touch light, and his expression is so familiar it hurts, and you realise he is a little nervous; it’s a very public setting for what should be a very private matter. With cameras going off all around you, you pull him in for a kiss, and he relaxes somewhat, kissing you back with his grip tightening on your hips.

“We’re being paid to be a spectacle.” You remind him, and he nods, smiling softly, and the two of you make your way down the red purple carpet together. You have to stop every few feet to do interviews, and soon enough you had pulled ahead of Ben; he had a much larger part in the film that you did, it wasn’t surprising the reporters wanted to monopolise him. It still felt strange, to turn and not have him there. Sometimes you’d do interviews with the other boys, sometimes he’ll be there, and as the main photo area loomed, you could finally feel the butterflies in your stomach.

Soon.

Perhaps too soon.

“What do you mean you’re going to Egypt?” You snapped, wishing your internet connection was better so he could see you glaring clearly.

“I told you about it ages ago.” Ben sighs, clearly tired. It’s there in his eyes, how drained he is, how hard he’s been working, and your expression softens.

“That’s exciting,” you force yourself to take a breath, it was the first time you two had spoken that fortnight, neither of you needed this to be hostile. The days had started feeling so long when you don’t hear from him; all you want is a damn hug and he’s on the other side of the world. “What if I come visit you?”

“In Egypt?” He asks, eyebrows raised.

“In Egypt.” You confirm, a weak smile on your face, he doesn’t look thrilled by the process.

“Don’t bother.” He sighs, and the moment he sees your expression fall, he realises how his words had sounded, and he’s sitting up straight, panicked look on his face, spluttering his way through an apology. “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just busy and it’s going to be hot and-”

“No, I get it.” Your dejected sigh was followed by a yawn, and you hovered over the end call button. “When you’re less tired I think we should talk.” You tell him, and you see the confusion, fear, and resignation pass over his face in quick succession.

He agrees quietly, and neither of you really say goodbye before hanging up.

He was tapping on your shoulder as you were halfway through talking to E! News, and you’ve never been more anxious and excited in your life, and never so thankful to not be at the main photo area on a red carpet. His timing was perfect.

“So sorry, could I borrow Y/N for a minute?” He smiles charmingly at the reporter, and his expression softens when he sees the relief in your eyes. 

Before he even starts, it feels off, feels wrong, feels like a performance for the cameras more than anything else. 

“Don’t get teary on me, I know how hard your makeup artists worked.” He begins, and you make sure the cameras catch your surprised confusion. He’s takes one of your hands in his, linking your finger together, and the other holds your face. There’s a moment that passes between you two, his expression softens as he looks in your eyes and it’s as if he’s looking past everything that had happened, the whole setup you’d found yourself in; he was seeing you. 

“This is probably the biggest night of my life,” he starts, taking a deep breath, “for more than one reason; you’re my best friend, you’ve been there for some of the highest points in my life, and some of the lowest. I know you, Y/N, I feel like I’ve known you my whole life, and I want to. I want you there by my side for the rest of it,” it sounds... so much more planned out than you’d expected, so much more heartfelt, and you’d be damned if there weren’t tears in your eyes. Despite the fact that this very private moment had a huge audience, which included a reporter muttering ‘holy shit, is this what I think it is?’, you could only see him. Damn if it didn’t feel real.

“I love you; I’ve loved your since-” his voice catches in his throat, and you see a hint of pain flash across his face before he’s smiling again, “since I first saw you in that damn wig they put you in,” it sounds like an addendum, like he doesn’t really mean it, or like it’s not the whole truth, but it’s enough to make you laugh, and when you look down to hide your embarrassed smile, your tears fall from your eyes, “since you agreed to all of this,” he gestures to himself with a self-deprecating grin, though his double meaning is not lost on you, though his expression turns serious after a moment, “since I first kissed you on set, though that feels like a long time ago.” Your breath catches in your throat, and he sounds like he hadn’t mean to say that last part, his voice too raw, his heart too honest for it to be a truly fake statement. You can do little more than whisper his name in reverence. Gently, so gently, he lifts your head, his thumb wiping the tear track from your cheek. 

“Marry me?” It’s a question this time, and when you look at him with confusion, disbelief written on your face at the way he chose to word it, he laughs softly, sinking to one knee and pulling out the ring box, and revealing the single most frivolous ring you’d ever had the displeasure of seeing. “Will you marry me?” He corrects softly.

The crowd behind you is going absolutely mad behind you, and cameras are going off at an almost blinding rate, but his eyes don’t leave yours. Nodding, you can’t even form words, so caught up in the moment, and he stands, pulling you into a kiss. The flash of cameras surround you like a sea of stars and Ben’s the only thing keeping you on solid ground. His grip is tight enough that he almost lifts you off the ground, and you’re on your tiptoes with his arms around you before his grip loosens, his hands sliding down the small of your back, and for the first time since this whole fake relationship began, he doesn’t hesitate before he deepens the kiss. He tastes like mint and you’re so glad you’re wearing that twenty-four hour lipstick or you know you’d be a mess, and when you pull back, you’re both out of breath, looking at each other with a something akin to awe in your eyes.

You’re pretty sure, in this moment, you love him; nothing fake about it. And you can see it in his eyes that he loves you too. This is dangerous territory for you both.

Stepping back, he takes your hands again.

“I told you not to cry, love.” He laughs gently, voice so soft as you dab at your eyes with your right hand, watching as he slides the ring onto the ring finger of your left hand.

“What can I say, you have a way with words; how long were you working on that speech.” You sniffle, grinning brightly as you examine the ring, still holding his hand. After a beat too long of silence, you look up to see him smiling softly at you.

“A while.” He admits, and something about the way he says it makes your chest ache. The moment passes and he looks down at your joined hands. “That’s fucking hideous.” He whispers, shaking his head at the sight of the ring, and you giggle, preferring to throw your arms around him, kissing him again.

The two of you are the last two to arrive at the formal photo area, with the logo backdrop, and Joe’s grin is confused where he greets you both at the edge of where everyone was in a line getting a group shot.

“What was all the commotion over there?” He asked quietly, and Ben stepped into position easily, slipping an arm around Joe’s shoulders and pulling you in. You were still beaming, you couldn’t help yourself.

“We got engaged.” Ben murmurs to Joe, careful not to draw attention to them, which was immediately counteracted by Joe’s loud ‘What the fuck?!’ “Calm down, man, we didn’t want to take all the focus off of the premiere, you know?” 

As soon as the big group shot was taken, you stepped off to the side as the four boys had their photos taken, and you could see Joe murmuring to the others, while Ben just smiled for the cameras and tried not to blush.

Photos were taken with Brian and Roger, of Rami and Lucy, and even some of you and Ben, and when you posed, you both had an arm around each other, and you leaned into him, resting your hand on his chest with your ring on clear display.

There’s congratulations all around as you’re heading into the theatre, but the biggest shock of the night comes in the form of Roger Taylor wrapping you up in a hug while you’re still glowing with pride.

“Before we go in, I want you to know you did an incredible job, dear. You’re a stunning performer and I never had any doubts about you.” As he says it, you can feel Ben give your hand a gentle squeeze. You’re pretty sure you’ve got shock written all over your face. “I’m very proud of you both.” He claps Ben on the shoulder, and Ben thanks him quietly. It looks as though he’s about to head in, but he turns back. “Be good to her, you hear?” He says to Ben sternly, but there’s a glimmer of fondness in his eyes, and Ben rolls his eyes good-naturedly. He’s still holding your hand.

“What was that?” You breathed as soon as Roger had left; you feel like you’ve been doused in cold water, though you can’t help but smile.

“Well I think he definitely approves of you playing Amanda.” Ben moves to wrap an arm around you as the two of you head into the theatre, searching for your seats. “And I think... I think he gave us his blessing?” That sounds more confused than anything else, and you don’t know how to respond one way or the other, apart from softly laughing as you sit down next to Lucy. Part of you, the largest part that had stayed sane and not drunk on this fake engagement, is pretty sure Roger’s going to be the hardest to break it to, when everything’s over; part of you worries that without Ben, you’ll lose his approval, which you didn’t realise you’d been craving until you’d received it. There’s an anxiety that builds in your chest as the lights go down, but Ben’s hand is in yours and you lean your head on his shoulder, and you can ignore that little worry for now.

the rat pack: @hotspacedeacon @strangeandwonderfulconcepts @itssaje @d-r-e-a-m-catchme @callumidiot @rockandrollandshit @bohorap @pietrorunsforme @sweetfierceimagines @itsjackothy @mhftrs @sherlockiantheatrenerd @softbenhardy @multifandomgirlrandomstuff @virtualsheepeat @smile-nine @i-padfootblack-things @deaconsroger @spookyfrances @holyurlbatman @your-idiotic-excellency @cosmicsskies @chlobo6 @screaminggalileochickenwrites

(crossed out means it wouldn’t tag; i’ll try again for the next part, lemme know if you wanna be tagged xx)

[thehappymessproject]

93-95/100 - A few steps toward better apologies

Apologies used to be a nightmare for me as a child or teen. And still very hard as a young adult.  Apologising would mean being the wrong one, the mean one, the bad one. And the one who lost any right to even express themselves for being all those things.

Even the idea of apologising would shower me with shame. I’m a recovering people-pleaser and helping people is a big part of my purpose. That means the effect I have on people is very important to me and that when things go badly, my first coping mechanism would be to find out what I did wrong. 

When I grew up, an adult never apologised to me, even having wronged me knowingly. Not one, ever. But I was coerced into apologising numerous times. I’ve noticed how common that is. I’ve also sensed how surprised my young (and even older) patients are when I apologise to them the exact same way I would to an adult.

If you’ve been in a similar environment or was raised in a similar way, you know exactly how apologies can become painful to express growing up. But even if you weren’t, very few people are really great at apologising. Mostly because they feel too shameful to practice and therefore don’t know what a good apology is. I didn’t either until fairly recently. 

Two authors were the most helpful when it comes to teaching me how to apologise : Brene Brown with her work on shame and vulnerability, and the woman she used to read as a teen, Harriet Lerner, relationships expert. 

Here’s what I learnt from them and would have loved to hear as a child, and be reminded over and over later on : 

Apologies need to be intentional 

You don’t have to apologise. Ever. It is a personal choice.  If someone want to force you to apologise, it is emotional manipulation and know that you don’t have to. You absolutely can have a “Die mad about it” approach to it if that’s what is more important to you. 

But you have to accept that if you do something wrong, or that hurts someone, and don’t recognise it, you will be damaging your relationship with them, and their trust toward you. It’s ok if you don’t care, just be honest with yourself about that if you want less drama. 

If you can’t bring yourself to sincerely apologise, work on acknowledging that your pride is more important than the damaged relationship. It’s human, and sometimes, we don’t even understand what we did and can’t find the strength to do so honestly. But trying to helps determine our real priorities.

You may have to accept some consequences too. No one can force you to own up to your actions, but they dont have either to put up with your lack of care for said relationship. You might benefit from wandering too what you want from relationships you don’t care enough about to want to repair too. 

What apologies are really about 

A lot of people think apologies are about power. That’s when things go sour. Apologies are about love, respect and kindness.  Being in relationships means we will mess up and sometimes, we will hurt people we love the most. 

Each time we hurt someone we are in a relationship with, we damage that relationship. So it happens, but should be as rare as possible, and need to be repaired for the relationship to be sustainable. Apologies are a very important part of those repairs. 

Equally importantly, apologising teaches us that we are allowed to mess up. How good it feels to own up our mistakes (cultivating integrity), and allow ourselves to be imperfect (cultivating acceptance). There is so much ordinary courage in that practice, and it is necessary for any relationships to work well that we learn how to give them. 

Apologies shouldn’t be about controlling the other or the situation

You absolutely can try to control others and situations, you’re just not likely to get the results you are expecting. So when we apologise just so the other calm down, shut up, or do what we want, it tends to backfire, sooner or later, one way or another. 

That means we can make amends to people we hurt, but have to accept they may not be ready or willing to forgive us. Maybe for them the relationship is damaged beyond repair, and we have to respect that. We all have different tolerance thresholds.

That means that apologies are not about our redemption and feeling better, neither are they about making the other shut up or the uncomfortable situation stop, even if it can feel indeed better to make amends when we acted badly. Sometimes we apologise and it changes nothing, or we can even feel worse in some cases. 

That also means that fake apologies mostly make things worse...

Apologies should be honest and kind

We need to be sincere and acknowledge the wrong we did in order to perform true apologies. 

It is about the hurt we provoked. That we need to acknowledge. And repair. 

You’ve been warned. Use apologies to restore your faith in being good and right or manipulate at your own risks. And be prepared for some backlash if you do and they know better. 

It takes a lot of courage to apologise sincerely with the main purpose of restoring a relationship we care about. 

And it doesn’t mean that we believe everything is our fault : relationships are like dances, each partner influences the other. No situation is ever 100% the responsibility of only one of them. What it means is that we are mature enough to recognise we didn’t do perfectly or plain messed up. 

If we can only acknowledge and own up to 2%, well, let’s own them, and focus our apology on them. It doesn’t matter to find a culprit to blame to resolve a situation. 

It matters that the relationship is precious enough for us to be brave and own up to our shitty behaviour, or just a behaviour we deemed as innocent but ended up hurting someone we care about. 

Apologies are not excuses, neither are they just words

If you want to give apologies and make your best so they can be received, stay away from excuses. I am sure you have very good explications for why it happened, just keep them for another conversation. 

A lot of hurt that happens in relationships are misunderstandings interpreted as meanness or a lack of care. The truth is, most of us are doing their very best, and hate to realise we hurt someone we care about. 

If that’s you, make sure that’s not the center of your conversation. That way, if you really care about them, you will make sure you do the least additional damages possible by respecting how they feel.

Finally : just know that it is never too late for apologies. Some of my most meaningful apologies (for both the giver and the receiver) happened years, even decades later. Giving them felt incredibly grounding and receiving them helped greatly with healing. 

Apologies aren’t just words, they are supposed to be an act of love. Act like they are. If you apologised sincerely, you also made a commitment to the other person to pay attention and not to reiterate your original fault. Apologising profusely and then doing it again is a big breach of trust, respect and love. Don’t throw around words you don’t mean. 

Speak soon,  Love,  L.