#and eventually offers to let harry fuck him as much as he wants as long as he ‘keeps it secret’

[lucaswarmhotchocolate]

Muggle college AU where Harry sneaks into tom’s dorm room (after making sure to drug tom’s water earlier ofc) and takes pictures of him while he sleeps and posts them online. because god fucking dammit, Tom riddle is the most annoying RA that could possibly exist, and he wants a little bit of light revenge.

Harry realizes that “light revenge” may have gotten out of hand around the same time he started stripping Tom, and suddenly he was balls deep in both Tom riddle and a felony. The gravity of the situation did nothing to prevent Harry from taking a video, even though it was just more evidence that could be used against Harry.

[jamminvroomvroom]

everything.

ln x fem!reader

in which you’re his best friend until you’re something more

hi! here you go lmao. probs the fluffiest thing i’ve ever written and i am obsessed with the concept! thank you for being here and baring with me - i loved writing this one and i’d love to hear what you think! huge shoutout to my girlies @mcmuppet and @lavenderlando ily both!

songs that set the mood: pink and white by frank ocean, daylight by harry styles, angel by finneas, enchanted by taylor swift, hate to be lame by lizzy mcalpine

warnings: 18+!! minors dni!! smut, language, friends to lovers brain rot, slight corruption kink, readers first time, qatar angst

6.4k words

“do you wanna talk about it?” you whispered softly, your hand resting on lando’s sagged shoulder.

your eyes were fixed on the third place plaque on his table in front of you, his very much fixed on the floor.

“no.” his reply was short and sweet, his tone conveying exactly how deflated he was.

you’d only flown in to qatar this morning, the october sun hitting you hard as you walked into the paddock, drastically different to the london climate you’d grown accustomed to. lando had all but begged you to come, your evening before spent on the phone, and you knew that he needed a friend, otherwise he never would have asked you to fly halfway around the world.

friends. that’s what you were.

you’d hugged him tight and told him that the weekend had to get better, and then his teammate put it on pole and got his first win. so, yeah, maybe it wasn’t going to get better and not even the podium could cheer him up.

his radio messages had hurt your heart, your chest aching as he self deprecated in the cockpit. he owned his mistakes, sure, but he’d taken it a step too far and you knew you had a job to do. you’d do anything, quite literally anything, to cheer him up.

you’d always found a way to be there for eachother, your friendship spanning five long years after you’d knocked a coffee over a guy you quickly recognised as the new mclaren driver. both nineteen and awkward as hell, you’d um-ed and er-ed and danced around one another in the busy pret in central london, chucking tissues at him, attempting to mop up the frothy mess all over his white sweatshirt.

eventually you’d just burst into laughter, lando immediately following suit. your cheeks were hurting from smiling at the curly haired stranger, intrigued by the very way his faced moved when he laughed, and he’d looked at you like you hung the stars in the sky, not like someone that had just destroyed a brand new hoodie.

and just like that, a connection was born.

you’d gotten used to having a friend for only half the year, but he never let you feel the distance. paddock passes often fell through your letter box and you could usually be located in the background of his streams when he was home long enough to do them, the amount of times you’d been wrongfully accused of being his girlfriend a list as long as your arm. even in those moments of awkwardness, friendship prevailed and you both managed to crack up together about the conspiracy that you were more than friends.

and what an intriguing conspiracy it was.

“we should get you back to the hotel, you need to get some rest.” you told him, standing from the sofa and offering him your hand.

lando grabbed it, squeezing, his own special way of telling you he was grateful for your presence, and let you pull him up. as he tried to walk towards the door, you stopped him, hands on his shoulders. you wanted to shake him, tell him how fucking great he was. you didn’t think he’d appreciate that after an intense session in the car.

“hey, look at me. you got this, okay?” you smiled reassuringly, managing to get the smallest crack back from him, his lips upturning ever so slightly. something in his eyes told you that you’d succeeded, a small glimmer of an emotion that you didn’t know how to unpack.

friends.

that’s what you were.

-

you tried to ignore how touchy lando was being. you figured he just needed some comfort, physical touch not out of bounds in your friendship, but a new level had been reached.

on the entire walk through the paddock to his car, his hand sat comfortably on the small of your back, despite the endless amount of cameras pointed at you. his hand skimmed your thigh in the car, accidentally, you told yourself, and you had to avert your eyes when his hand graced your headrest as he reversed out of the parking space. knowing that he needed you in qatar so desperately that he’d flown you out was one thing, the way he was treating you once you got there was something else.

he’d opened your door when you pulled up at the hotel valet, helping you out of the car, his hand tucked in yours for a second longer than necessary. once again, his hand seemed to be glued to your lower back the whole way to the elevator.

the ding of the lift had you both shuffling out onto your floor, trailing towards your rooms in a heavy silence, something more left unsaid in the air.

you reached your door first, coming to a stop and shuffling around in your bag for your keycard.

“um, i need to be at the track early tomorrow. breakfast?” lando asked.

you turned to look at him, nodding your head profusely.

“of course, just drop me a message and i’ll come down and meet you.” you affirmed, your fingers finally grasping the piece of plastic that had, of course, fallen to the very bottom of your tardis of a tote bag.

you expected him to leave, but he lingered, as if there was something else on his mind.

“you okay?” you raised an eyebrow, unlocking your door. lando seemed to snap out of it then, awkwardly running a hand through his curls that had taken a brutal hit from the humidity. you liked the look on him, nonetheless.

“yeah, i- yeah, i think i just need some sleep.”

“okay, well, goodnight. let me know if you need anything.” you disappeared through the door then, the tension getting the better of you. you slumped against the shut door, wondering what he so clearly wanted to say.

-

the clock read 1:32am on your bedside.

a faint tapping had woken you up, and you groggily scanned the room, trying to find the source of the noise. you deduced that it was coming from your door, letting out a groan as you threw the cosy comforter off and trudged towards the disturbance.

you cracked it open, peeking through the gap and coming face to face with your best friend.

“lando?” you croaked, opening the door further.

“i’m sorry, can’t sleep. can i come in? it’s okay if not, i just didn’t know what to do.” he sounded so shy, something you didn’t recognise in the man stood before you, and you quickly swung the door open, ushering him inside.

“come, sit.” you waved for him to follow you across the room to the foot of your bed. he sat down beside you, the mattress dipping.

you patted your lap and he instantly knew what to do, laying down with his head in your lap. it’s something he did quite frequently when you were sprawled on his sofa at home, watching a shitty movie that neither of you were really paying attention to. you’d often be looking at him, praying he didn’t notice, and he’d be playing with your fingers, tracing the palm of your hand.

you couldn’t help yourself, running your hand through his curls. you didn’t mean to, stomach instantly twisting with embarrassment, but it was quickly twisting with something else. his eyes fluttered shut, a low groan falling from the back of his throat. it made your thighs clench, and he must have noticed, the tiniest smirk on his face.

“you okay?” lando asked, his eyes still shut, a look of relaxation finally on his face.

you coughed awkwardly.

“yeah, sorry. are you comfy?” you said teasingly, trying to cut the growing tension in the room.

“i am now, could fall asleep here.”

“you can, you know.” you whispered. his eyes flew open. your heart was hammering in your chest. this was new territory and you were worried you’d fucked up. sleepovers were also a norm, but one of you usually retired to a guest room, not the other side of eachothers beds.

“you want me to stay?” his voice rose in surprise.

“well, i mean, you can if you want, like, there’s space and-“ you rambled.

“do you want me to stay?” he repeated.

“is it gonna help?” you questioned cautiously.

“yes.” the confidence in which he replied did something to you.

“then stay.”

you crawled up the mattress, falling back into the place you’d so comfortably occupied just minutes before. you laid so still, watching with quiet curiosity as he slipped his hoodie off. his shirt came with it ever so slightly, riding up over his back, and you had to pry your eyes away, the ache between your thighs still ever present.

what on earth were you doing, allowing your best friend to crawl into bed with you? emotions were running so high, but it felt like a switch had been flipped ever since you hit the tarmac in qatar. every look, every touch was fuelled by something different to what it had been before and you weren’t sure if it was a good thing or not.

lando turned towards you, making his way back over to the bed. he looked apprehensive, as if he was thinking the same thoughts as you, wondering if there was any logic in what was about to happen. he seemed to come to the conclusion that this was, in fact, happening, crawling into bed beside you.

“is this okay?” lando breathed into the darkness of the room, his hand brushing yours. you were both as still as planks, mere centimetres separating you, the only light coming from the lamp beside the bed.

“yeah,” you took a deep breath, preparing for the words that were about to come tumbling out. “i’ve just never done this before.” you spoke quickly, sucking in another breath as you finished.

“you’ve never…”

“i’ve never shared a bed… like this.”

“like what?”

“with a… a guy?” your anxiety riddled words came out more like a question than an answer.

“oh. oh.” it seemed to dawn on lando then. “so, you’ve never… oh. i mean i can go if you’re uncomfortable.”

“lando, no, i just wanted you to know. i’m always comfortable with you.” you said, quietly baring your soul to him.

you weren’t sure why you’d basically told him you were a virgin. it held no relevance, he was just here to sleep, for some friendly comfort. he was not here for any other reason. and yet here you were, spilling the beans, all over the bed you found yourself sharing.

“i didn’t come here to, you know. i just needed you.”

you tried to ignore the pang in your chest and the annoying, minuscule butterfly springing to life in your belly.

“god, yeah i know! i didn’t think that you wanted to, well i mean not with me because why would you want me like that anyway, i get why you’re here, lando.” you rambled into the empty air. you heard yourself, groaning in embarrassment and dragging the cover over your face. lando laughed, pulling it back so he could see you again.

he was leaning over you, perched on his side, resting on his elbow.

“trust me, i’m more than happy with any part of yourself that you wanna give me.”

“don’t tease me, lando.” you scoffed. he was joking, right? right?

“i’m not! i promise, this is the one place i want to be.”

“why? why with me? i mean you could’ve called max. all he does is stream when you’re not home, think he misses you.” you were half joking, half deadly serious.

“come on, it’s you. it’s just… its been so hard this year, being away from you so much more. and then you came all the way here…” lando trailed off, averting eye contact.

you turned on your side to face him, placing your hand over his affectionately.

“you needed me.”

“exactly. i needed you. you.”

he gave you a look, one that you didn’t recognise, but you understood what it meant. it said more than anything had done since this confusingly beautiful interaction began. you got it, then, why you were here.

“lando-“

“i know that i shouldn’t tell you this and i can’t just spring this on you in the middle of the night, but i-“

“lando!”

“what?”

“kiss me.”

and god, he kissed you. the air was sucked out of your lungs, dragged out of you by the way he put his hands on your body, so urgent.

you sunk back into the mattress, his body over yours, a hand cupping your cheek while the other rested on your waist, stroking the skin there, exposed from your ridden up top. your hands were in his curls, and you revelled in the way that you could shamelessly touch them now.

he paused for a second, nose brushing yours, breathless and grinning down at you, a knowing smile that was so beautiful that it rendered you speechless.

“you have no idea how long i’ve waited for this.” lando breathed, scanning your face as if he was trying to take it all in. you, panting beneath him, coy smile, cheeks flushed. you’d never looked so gorgeous to him.

you leaned in to kiss him again, slower this time, relishing in the moment. you were lost in him, thinking back to the very first time you’d locked eyes and how you never thought it would come to this. this, the way he was holding you, was the best surprise.

lando pulled away, peppering your flushed cheeks with kisses, a dazed giggle passing your swollen lips.

he flopped onto his side, grinning at the ceiling mindlessly. you hadn’t seen him smile that big all weekend.

“are you tired?” you whispered, lips brushing his cheek, his light stubble rough against you. you wondered how it would feel elsewhere, scratching over your bare skin.

“no.”

“then why did you stop?” you asked, the words falling off your tongue slowly, sinking all over him like honey. you felt the way he tensed up, the suggestion that laced the seemingly innocent question making you tingle.

“i didn’t come here for that.” he reiterated.

“and i didn’t let you in for that. but here we are.” you weren’t ashamed of what you were asking, the moment was right, the one, and you knew it.

“it’s too soon.” lando was apprehensive. he was always overly protective of you, previously as his friend, but this, god, this was an entirely different ball park and he was proceeding with caution, against every natural instinct in his body screaming at him.

“says who?”

“it’s your first. it needs to be special.”

“everything about this is better than i could have ever imagined.”

“are you sure you want it to be me?” there it was again, those unrecognisable nerves that made everything inside of you flutter.

“lando, there is no one else i could ever want to do this with more than i want to do it with you. i want it to be you.”

“but… now? are you sure? i don’t want you to regret this.”

“the only thing i regret is that this didn’t happen sooner.”

“one last time. i just need to hear it one last time.”

“i want you, lando.”

and with that, the air changed, charged with a different kind of tension. lando pulled you on top of him, hands firm on your body, the action itself gentle. you steadied yourself, hands on his shoulders, his resting on your waist.

“can i take this off?” he tugged at the hem of your shirt. you nodded profusely. “words, sweetheart. i need you to use your words.” lando cupped your jaw as he said it, squeezing ever so slightly, enough to turn you into putty in his hands.

“please. yes.” you said shakily.

he smiled softly, slowly peeling the material off of your body, up over your head and tossed carelessly onto the floor. he kept his eyes on yours, despite the fact you were now left bare, aside from the white cotton panties that separated you both. he pawed at your sides, kneading gently at your soft hips.

“we’re gonna start slow, okay? gonna take my time with you.” he muttered, eyes on yours before they trailed slowly down, across your face, neck, collarbone, further and further until he was taking all of you in. he began to stroke the underside of your breast with his thumb, watching the way your body tensed under his feather-like touch.

“okay.” you choked out, head tipping back as he placed a kiss to the base of your throat.

his kiss trailed further down your body, peppered in the valley of your breasts, and then you stopped breathing, the air caught in your throat because he was looking at you, really, truly looking at you, as his tongue found your nipple. you couldn’t take your eyes off of him, not when he was looking at you like that, not when he was making you feel this good already.

lando pulled away, just for a second, just so that he could shift you from his lap onto his thigh. he was still fully clothed beneath you, totally in control, and you craved him in a way you didn’t know was humanly possible, so much so that you didn’t need the encouragement he was giving you to start rolling your hips, pussy grinding down on his covered thighs, the friction of your underwear driving you insane.

“oh, baby. you want me so badly, don’t you? should’ve asked me sooner. m’gonna make you feel so good.” his hands were on your hips, guiding you backwards and forwards on him.

“it feels so- oh, god.” you whimpered, fingers tangling in his curls, back arching further into him as your thighs clenched around his. he licked over your collarbone oh so slowly, a shiver running down your taut spine.

and then he was kissing you again, tongue slow over yours, his fingertips surely leaving marks where he was controlling your pace. the kiss was filthy, untameable, and you found yourself dragging against him slower, harder.

“i need you.” you panted, forehead falling on his shoulder as you pulled away from his lips, goosebumps pricking your sweat slicked skin. you were so close to an orgasm, desperate to feel him everywhere.

“i want you to come for me like this first, okay? can you do that for me, baby?” he cooed, bouncing his leg ever so slightly. “look at me.” and you did, somehow mustering the strength to pull yourself back up and find his darkened eyes.

you were a mess of curses when you let go, your body convulsing, collapsing into him as you came. you were throbbing on his thigh, one glance down at where you were grinding against him displaying your slick. his arms went around your body, flipping you onto your back so that you were resting against the mattress.

“you did so well, baby.” lando crooned, resting over you on his forearms. you stared up at him in awe, blinking away the haze. “do you want more?”

“i want everything.” you breathed, pulling him against you. you smoothed your hands over his shirt until you reached the hem, dragging it up over his back. he helped you take it off, and then it was lost to the room. you grabbed at his shoulder blades, smooth, muscular planes of bronzed skin so warm under your touch. you felt insatiable, like nothing was enough, totally intoxicated by him and everything he was managing to make you feel.

lando’s hand slid down your body, searching for the band of your underwear. when he reached his destination, he toyed with the lacy edges, letting them snap against the pudge of your belly, teasing you. you bucked your hips, frustrated, and he used the opportunity to cup your pussy, feeling where you’d soaked through the cotton. the groan he let out was carnal, animalistic, almost needy. he could feel all of you, how you ached and dripped, how you needed the everything that you’d requested.

“you’re so fucking good for me, god.” lando almost slurred his words, voice lower than you’d ever heard it. you keened at the sound, pushing your hips further into him.

lando didn’t give you much time to dwell on it, mouth latching onto your underwear where it met the crease of your thigh. he was so close, so tantalising close to where you were aching for him and you were just about levitating off the bed when his teeth grazed your inner thigh. you couldn’t see him looking at you, losing it, inhibitions out the window. your eyes were already squeezed shut when he began mouthing over your cloth-covered pussy, spit further ruining the sodden material.

“take them off.” you cried out, tugging hard at his curls that you hadn’t even realised you were clutching for dear life. and lando was a good listener, because he complied immediately, tearing the lace down your legs like a starved man.

his tongue was on you then, everywhere all at once, running through your folds and over your clit. you didn’t know if you were dead or alive, a different kind of pleasure than anything you’d ever experienced coursing hot through your veins. lando switched between long, slow licks, his tongue flat against you, and rapid kitten licks, burying his face in your cunt.

everything was moving in slow motion, your hands grasping frantically at anything you could reach; his curls, the sheets, his shoulders. you could barely make out what he was saying, his words muffled, lost to the soft flesh between your legs. it seemed to echo, every lick, stroke, word. you snapped out of it, finally, when he pulled away.

“more? you want my fingers, baby? gonna get you nice and ready for me.” you just nodded, voice lost to the air of the room.

one arm locked around your thigh, pinning you still, and the other snaked up your leg until he reached the mess between your thighs. he took a moment to take it in, how wet you were, how fucked out you looked, knowing full well he must have looked the same, unhinged as he gave into your shared desire that he’d tried his best to keep hidden. he’d never felt more stupid in his life for holding back, as he took in the ethereal delight sprawled under his touch.

when lando slid the first finger in, your stomach twisted deliciously. he watched you carefully, searching for discomfort but all he could find was sheer bliss, written all over your face as clear as daylight. he worked the digit in and out, nice and slow, curling against your walls. he could feel how tight you were, clamping around just one finger and he thought his head was gonna explode. he added another finger, watching the way you took him in, twisting his fingers.

“are you gonna let go for me again, sweetheart?” lando punctuated his words by putting his mouth back on you, teeth grazing your clit as he sucked.

you were thrashing, a silent scream building from the fire in your belly. you could just about make out the way he was spurring you on, his mouth running as you spilled over the edge, covering his fingers. you saw white, maybe god, ears ringing, and when you finally mustered the energy to look at him, you could have come for a third time. lando looked feral, lips red and coated in everything you had to offer him. his eyes were glazed over, a hazy grey that sent a jolt through your body, the aftershocks of the orgasm setting in.

“christ.” was all you could sigh out. a lazy smile painted your face, your eyes blown out, everything a little blurry. everything except him.

you could feel him scaling up your body, crawling over you until he was level with your face. he placed a kiss to your throat, your jaw and finally your lips; when he pulled away all that was left was shared giddy smile, both of you suddenly shy. you couldn’t stop the roaming of your hands, exploring all the parts of him that you could reach. when you found the waist band of his joggers, your hand grazing his abs as you did, he sucked all of the air out of the room, a sharp inhalation making him tense up.

“you still want all of me?” he breathed, his shaky breath fanning your face. lando was obsessed with hearing you say it, obsessed with how you wanted him as much as he needed you.

“all of you. lando, this is… you’re perfect.” you admitted, lips brushing his. your hands pushed the material down his hips, nails raking over him as you did. he couldn’t seem to wait any longer, kicking them off the rest of the way, his boxers quickly following suit.

you couldn’t help but stare, all of him bare against all of you. your nipples brushed his chest, his hands holding you close, your hands threaded through his curls. it was like you were sussing each other out, eyes watching lips and hands getting lost. you stayed like that for a moment, pressed together, closer and closer, until he was slotted between your legs like he was coming home. lando searched your face one last time, hunting for a smidge of discomfort.

“are you ready for me?” he whispered.

“yes.”

the initial stretch burned, but he slid into you smoothly, his cock slipping through your folds with ease. he felt you clamp down on him, his head thrown back as far as it could go, thick neck exposed to you. you bit down on his shoulder, where it met the base of his throat, trying to mask the gasp of pleasure that sent your eyes rolling back in your head. he grunted at the sensation, enjoying the sting.

“oh, fuck.” he was shuddering, trying to keep himself in check.

“don’t, oh god,” you started, meeting the roll of his hips. “don’t hold back.”

“we gotta go easy.”

“i don’t want easy.” you tightened around him then, and he saw stars.

“you’re so fucking good.” lando groaned, an edge of excitement in his voice, and then he unleashed everything that he’d held back. how much he wanted you, and a bittersweet weekend of frustration versus success came crashing down and he couldn’t do anything except give himself to you exactly how you wanted.

lando was a delicious weight on top of you, the drag of his hips slow, meeting yours hard. the pressure made you lightheaded, his body moving against yours like the thick drip of honey, smooth and sweet. you couldn’t make sense of it, of how fucking good he felt, grinding deeper and deeper into you like he’d found buried treasure. the overstimulation had your third orgasm building nice and quick, waves of pleasure making you dizzy.

“you like it like this? like when i fuck you nice and hard?” yes you did. “don’t think i can go without this now, you know that? such a good fucking girl.” you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, just let his words wash over you. “so beautiful, taking me so well.”

you couldn’t process that this was your best friend lando. this was a different person, it had to be. yet, somehow, it made sense that the man you knew, the one who spoke his mind, mischievous and troublesome, would be like this, a god above you as he fucked deeper into you with every thrust. he was filthy and gentle, brutal and sweet. it didn’t make sense, but it also just did.

“are you gonna come for me? one more time, baby. need to feel that perfect fucking pussy.” well, his wish was your command, because then you were gushing. the one thing you could feel was him, none of your other senses worked, you couldn’t see past the tears that fell, couldn’t get any words past your lips. maybe you screamed, you weren’t exactly sure.

lando was kissing you everywhere. each hip bone was met with his lips, your stomach, over your ribs, breasts, clavicle, neck. your face was covered in kisses next, your cheeks, forehead, a dainty peck to your nose.

“can you look at me?”

your eyes cracked open slowly, the exhaustion hitting as you came back to reality.

“was that okay?” there he was again, this shy version of lando that you couldn’t get used to.

“okay? lando that was…” you shook your head in awe. “that meant everything to me.”

he smiled then, that gorgeous, gorgeous smile, the one with the crinkles by his eyes and his teeth on full display. you melted.

“me too. you’re fucking beautiful. so, so fucking beautiful. should’ve told you sooner.” he murmured.

his words made you think, way too hard for your current state. what happened next? lando had said some things, some pretty big things that you didn’t know how to comprehend. it was crazy, how scared you were to bring it back up to him, considering he’d just been inside of you.

“sooner?” you whispered, hardly audible. lando was midway through tucking you both into bed, pulling your flushed, naked body into his own under the duvet.

“yes. a lot sooner.” he replied, not a trace of doubt in his voice.

‘how much sooner?’ you thought to yourself, unable to stay awake any longer to agonise over it, your dreams haunted by the way he touched you so well. it was magnificent to fall asleep in his arms, and you couldn’t help yourself from wondering when it would happen again.

-

you woke up tangled with him, fingers stroking your cheek, smoothing your hair out of your eyes.

lando was always so warm, but now his tanned skin radiated sunshine, a beacon of light in your bed. you smiled, eyes still shut, shielding yourself from the streaks of light casting over the room from the crack in the curtains.

“what time is it?” you croaked, bringing a hand to your eyes to rub away the sleep.

“gone eleven. i need to go, baby.”

baby.

you hadn’t gotten a chance to take my notice of the things he’d called you last night, too caught up in the way he played with your body. now that you heard it, in the calm after the storm, it made you swoon.

“already?” you tried to hide your disappointment, not quite ready to detangle yourself from him.

“need to get to the track. i think i’m already late. i just wanted to be here when you woke up.” lando sounded so soft, not as groggy as you, and you wondered how long he’d been awake, watching the soft rise and fall of your chest.

“thank you.” you knew that you’d have spiralled waking up alone, and you were immensely grateful that he’d stayed.

lando began to get up, wincing at your whine of protest.

“i’m sorry. i’ll have someone pick you up later, okay? i’ll see you soon, i promise.”

you knew he had to work hard today, knew how much analysis he needed to do before the race. he was starting further back than anyone would have liked, and he had something to prove as well, oscar starting too close to the front for lando’s liking. there were places to make up and hard work to be done to get back to the front.

“don’t apologise. i hope it goes smoothly today.” you smiled at him, watching him collect his long forgotten clothes. you were entranced by the way his body moved, the lines and shapes that tensed and rippled as he dressed himself.

“i’ll message you.” he promised, creeping back over to the bed. you weren’t sure what to expect, but the soft kiss to your lips, almost apprehensive on his part, could have killed you off, your heart pounding.

your grinned like a fool when the door shut behind him.

-

the shower was burning hot, loosening up your muscles. you cleaned yourself slowly, examining your body, the same one that you’d given to lando. he’d taken you apart, piece by piece, and put you back together, the traces of him that he’d left behind delectably apparent.

you followed the trail of marks he’d left, starting with the love bite below your right breast that you couldn’t even remember him leaving, making your way to the litter of fingerprints that were tattooed into your hips. your fingertips ghosted over your swollen lips, the kiss that he’d left at the junction between your neck and your shoulder, reminiscing the evening. you seemed to ache everywhere, the dull pain setting into your bones so nicely.

you prayed it would happen again. you felt like it would, everything between you had changed now, changed from any possible return to the norm. you wanted it to change, you couldn’t fathom the idea of staying friends when the lines had blurred like this, when he’d kissed you so deeply, touched you so intimately.

the shower was much needed, refreshing your body that was now tainted by him in the best way. you tried to keep a clear head while you got yourself ready, taking your time to make yourself presentable to the paddock. the time of your departure was looming, the pink and white sunset outside your window indicating that the race was only a few hours away. the air had cooled slightly, and you knew you needed to make your way to the lobby.

your phone dinged in your hand as you were packing your essentials into your bag. you glanced down at the device, unruly smile gracing your face.

see you soon, the text read, an orange love heart punctuating the short but sweet text. it was safe to say that the butterflies in your belly were well and truly alive.

-

the screen beeped as you scanned your paddock pass, and you slipped through the gate, making your way into the paddock. it was beautiful in qatar, they’d outdone themselves with this structure, the glass ceilings and jungle of greenery an expression of wealth and elegance.

you made a beeline for the mclaren garage, greeting lando’s pr officer who smiled warmly at you. you recognised oscar smirking as you appeared in the garage, and as you got closer you realised why.

“nice to see you. looking for lando?” his monotonous voice held an amused twang.

“hey oscar, great job last night!” you said, waiting for the other shoe to drop. “yeah, is he around here somewhere?”

“yeah he’s just doing press i think. extra spring in his step today.” oscar gave you a knowing look, one that made you blush.

“what do you know?” you deadpanned, fighting back laughter.

“i know that this was a long time coming.” he smiled, and then he was gone, lost to the bustle of the garage.

you stood there, probably in the way, lost in thought about what oscar had just said. he was right, this was a long time coming.

you jumped a bit when a hand landed on your waist, relaxing instantly into lando’s body when he pressed himself against you, head on your shoulder.

“i’m so glad you’re here.” he whispered, pressing a secret kiss under your ear, and then he, too, was gone, before you could even react.

your nerves were shot, ushered to the back of the garage where you found a headset. you chewed your nails, anxious about it all. the race, the changes that you were surely coming. you wanted it, wanted everything from him that he’d give you, willing to commit to all of it, to him. the distance, borrowed time, chaos of his world. last night had changed everything and you couldn’t have asked for more.

eventually the lights went out and the fight was underway. you found your hands clasped together, sweating in the dry heat and the anxiety. you clapped every time he made an overtake, storming through the field. when he made it into p3, picking the pace up on oscar, the nerves resurged and you prayed for a clean end to this race.

lando’s radio messages flooded your ears, and your leg bounced uncontrollably, your shoe slapping against the floor.

“be sensible, lando.” you muttered under your breath, resting your chin on your tightly clasped hands. he would be on the podium, but you knew it wasn’t enough for him, it never was. would you be enough for him?

eventually he agreed to hold position, thank fuck, and you could breathe again. he’d driven a beautiful recovery drive, bringing the car onto the podium, and you rushed out with the team to congratulate him. you lingered at the back of the pack behind the metal barriers, watching in quiet admiration as he jumped out of the car. he slapped oscar on the back, hugging his younger teammate before bounding towards the team. his head was darting around as if he was looking for something, but you couldn’t make it out with his helmet still on. and then the helmet came off and it became clear.

he was looking for you.

lando pulled away from a hug with a mechanic, leaning over the barrier right in front of you. you gravitated towards him, somehow moving through the swarm of team members until you were pressed against the metal too. he was beaming, eyes brighter than they had been all working weekend, and then his hands were on you. the hug he pulled you into was tight and you clung to one another for a moment, unbothered by his damp race suit, or the tickle of his sweat slicked curls.

the kiss he pressed to your cheek was far less secret than the one in the garage, so was the one he pressed to your forehead, but the one he pressed to your lips, as quick as it may have been, was the one that really took the cake. you were blushing when he pulled back, a mischievous grin on his face. you shook your head in disbelief at his boldness, unable to tame your bewildered smile.

“what are you doing for dinner, baby?” he called out to you as he walked away. the podium high had clearly set in.

nothing, you mouthed back, not quite confident enough to shout across parc ferme.

“good, we’re going on a date.” lando winked and then he was gone, pulled into the chaos of post race duties.

tears pricked your eyes when he stood on the podium, a much happier man than the one you found when you’d arrived. you couldn’t put it into words, how one night had changed everything, giving you everything you didn’t realise you wanted.

then again, lando was always good at beating expectations.

-

hehe the end

-

taglist

had to remove some tags that aren’t working! let me know if you wanna be added or removed xo

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[mindofharry]

Y/N didn’t know why she came back to Hallows Creek. After everything that happened, she promised herself she would never step foot back in that town. But Y/N is loyal and if you need her, she’s there. Her best friend, Niall from high school, is expecting his fifth child. His wife, Amelia needed some extra hands around the house while Niall was working on the farm, but didn’t want a stranger in her home. So Y/N offered. They knew her background here. But she insisted. Her job wasn’t doing much for her, her rent was insane and she had no one around to support her, so many Hallows Creek would be good for Y/N.

It would be good if she didn’t bump into him.

Y/N left for a reason.

And that reason was Harry Styles.

She was so infatuated with that man, always following him around like a lost puppy until he eventually gave in and gave her a chance. Y/N likes to think they were high school sweethearts, but that might be too nice. They dated for a year and then Harry got bored. He’s a cowboy, he needed something more and Y/N wasn’t interested in that. And so Harry broke her heart and chose his farm, instead of the girl.

Y/N didn’t blame him for that. The farm had been in his family for centuries and he was always going to be the one to take over when his father and mother retired. She blamed him for the way things went down. When he took her to the prom and publicly humiliated her.

He thought that dating Margaret Miller, the mayors daughter, would be better than little old Y/N.

That’s what Y/N thought anyways. Why else would he kiss her while he was meant to be with Y/N?

After the whole prom fiasco, her parents told her they were moving. She could stay with her grandparents or she move up her whole life and move to the coast with them. And Y/N knew what she had to do. She left when she was 17 and never once came back.

And now at 28, she wasn’t sure if she made the right decision.

Hallows Creek looked the exact same. People everywhere, all the stores open, kids running up and down the street, the ice cream parlour that everyone knows still up and running. She smiled to herself. It was like she never left. Y/N clutched her bag and made her way through the crowd, not recognising anyone. These were the knew locals now and Y/N just wanted to fit in, so she smiled and lugged her suitcase up the road to the diner she used to eat at everyday.

“Well, I never! Is that Ms Y/N I see?” Missy yelled from behind the counter, throwing her cloth down and running down the diner to throw her hands around Y/N. Y/N laughed loudly as the swayed side to side.

Missy had been here for over 30 years. Her father opened this diner and after he passed away, she made it her mission to make the best diner on earth. And that she did. She was here for everything. For Y/N’s first kiss, her first bully, her first everything. Y/N worked here during the summers and Missy was like the older sister she never had.

“You look so beautiful,” Missy cried out, throwing her arms around Y/N again.

Y/N blushed, “Oh, stop. I look a mess,”

Missy smacked her arm and took her suitcase, “Please, you look like you got off the runway,” she replied, dropping her suitcase at the first booth. Their both.

Harry and Y/N came to this diner for their dates. There wasn’t much to do in this town, but that didn’t bother Y/N. She loved coming here.

“Let me get you your usual and then you can tell me why the fuck it took you so long to come back,” Missy said, Y/N scoffed and tutted.

“I think everyone knows,” She murmured, looking out the window.

Y/N took her phone out and texted Niall that she was at the diner having some lunch and that she’d walk over to his soon, but Niall insisted on collecting her. So here she was, an hour later on her third milkshake, filling Missy in on everything she missed.

“So let me get this straight.. you could literally be the president of the united states and you’re here.. in Hallows Creek?” Missy asked incredulously.

Y/N cackled, “I’m a lawyer Miss. A bad one at that,”

“Who’s a bad lawyer?”

Y/N peeked over the booth and saw him.

Harry Styles was now standing in front of her for the first time in almost 11 years. He changed. He was more tanned, had tattoos up and down his arms. His eyes were the same, green and wide. And he wore the same cowboy hat, that Y/N used to steal.

They met eyes and it was like all the air was knocked out of her. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not this fast, she couldn’t do this.

She threw out a couple of dollars and a tip, grabbed her bags and then practically flew out of the door.

“Don’t follow me. Don’t follow me. Don’t follow,” She chanted as she walked away from the diner.

“Y/N! Come on. Y/N!” Harry yelled, jogging up to her.

“God, woman you move fast,” He smirked, looking her up and down. Y/N scoffed and kept walking forward.

“Come on, let me talk. Please,” He begged, reaching out to hold her arm.

Y/N stopped abruptly and looked up at him. He’s taller than she remembered.

“I didn’t know you were coming back,” He said, biting his lip.

“I didn’t think you’d care,” Y/N whispered, moving forward again.

“Of course I’d care. You left me,” Harry said, his voice breaking. Y/N turned around quickly, her suitcase falling to the ground.

“You broke me! You did,” She whisper yelled, she looked around and tried to contain herself, picking up her suitcase.

“Don’t follow me, Harry,”

And he didn’t.

Y/N spotted Niall’s car and immediately walked towards it like her life depended on it — in a way, it did. Niall didn’t ask questions when she saw the tears running down her cheeks. He just hugged her and let her deal with this. He knew it would be hard. Not just seeing Harry, but coming back to a town with no great memories.

“Let’s get you home,” Niall said kissing the top of her head.

“I think I am home,” Y/N said, pushing him away playfully.

“The kids and Amelia are so excited to see you. Millie has grown so much since Christmas,” Niall said, putting her bags into the boot of the car.

“Yeah?”

Niall nodded, “Knox had a growth spurt as well. Jesus, they’re all growing up,” Niall said, turning on the ignition. Y/N looked out the car window and saw Harry still in the same spot, his hat off and in his hands.

“He’s not with Margaret anymore,” Niall said. Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Don’t care,”

Niall chuckled, “Sure,”

Niall’s farm wasn’t anything special, but he took major pride in it. And it paid the bills. It wasn’t anything like Harry’s, but Niall liked it more as a hobby than a job. His whole life didn’t depend on it. During the winter, he taught middle school. In the summer, he helped his workers on the farm.

Amelia and Niall met in college. Both teachers and had so much love for kids, both coming from big families. Five kids might be a too much for Y/N though. But she loved them all like they were her own, and she’d love this baby too.

The rolled up the driveway and there they were. Her family.

Amelia had the youngest, Peter, in her arms and her bump was absolutely huge.

“Sure it’s not twins?” Y/N joked, Niall scoffed.

“The last time you said that, we actually had twins. So keep it to yourself,”

Millie and Knox, the twins, were jumping up and down in front of their mother. Taylor and Matthew were on the porch playing with their trucks, but immediately perked up with they saw their father. Y/N loved seeing him this happy.

“Y/N, you look amazing,” Amelia smiled, putting peter down and pulling Y/N into a hug.

“Eight months pregnant and still looking sexy as ever,” Y/N replied, as Niall took her bags in.

“Now where are all my hugs!”

After settling in, Y/N decided it would be nice for her and Niall to catch up. So they went to the local bar. Amelia did not want to go, cause she could barley see her feet, but she pushed the other two out of the house told them to have fun.

Niall placed a cowboy hat on her head as they walked to the car.

“Now, you’re home,”

Y/N grinned and skipped to the car.

“Feels like I never left,”

They arrived at Earl’s Bar at just the right time. A couple was leaving so they robbed their table quickly, laughing to themselves.

“I’ve missed this,” Y/N said, putting her hat down on the table.

“Remember when you grew boobs and everyone started give us free beers?” Niall laughed and Y/N hit his arm.

“Don’t even,”

“What did I miss?”

Niall stood up quickly, puffing his chest out. Y/N rolled her eyes and stood between Niall and Harry.

“No need to play Alpha, boys,”

Harry tipped his hat at Niall, “Just wanted to say hi to the competition,”

Y/N scoffed, “I’m getting a drink,”

She walked away and up to the bar.

“We need to talk,” Harry said placing a hand on her hip. She melted into his touch.

“No, we actually don’t,”

She turned around and looked him in his eyes.

Huge mistake.

“We’ll talk. But you buy me a drink first,”

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

So the situation in Space Oddity is of course an ugly mess for Aro because of all the complicated relationship and situational dynamics at play. Judging from your other metas, it feels like Tom saying he doesn't want to turn is mostly out of concern for Lily's feelings (the rest being negative first impressions). So if it was him alone, I feel he'd eventually agree to join the Volturi (not as much instinctive repulsion to vampirism, doesn't believe a way home is possible, attachments are more easily manipulated by Chelsea when the people aren't physically there).

But how would Lily alone, Lily with Harry, or Tom and Lily without Harry play out in terms of how much luck Aro has in getting anyone to turn?

Space Oddity by me and @therealvinelle and The Man Who Would Be King by me and @therealvinelle

Does Tom Want to Be a Vampire?

I'm very curious what other metas you mean because the answer is no and pretty much for the reasons he outlined. If you're talking about the one where I said he would like to become a vampire, there's a few key differences there that we'll get into. He likes Lily and all, but if he really wanted to do something he wouldn't sugar coat it or lie about it either.

Honestly, no, he meant every word he said.

The difference between Tom here and Tom in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to London and How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bacchanals is a few key things. In the first, Tom's unbearably lonely and feels he's living a pointless life where he'll never amount to anything or do much of anything. Suddenly, a very exciting person is there with a mysterious mystery, to Tom the charm of being a vampire was having companionship and having an exciting new life. In Bacchanals it's similar in that while he has a good friend, he still feels his life is quite dull.

Tom in Space Oddity is much older, is convinced his life is great, and most importantly is already immortal. He doesn't have to achieve immortality and when the immortality being offer a) makes him an addict for blood in a way he'll never escape b) he gets the very fun offer of joining someone else's immortal army c) he will physically and mentally change as a person and you have Tom going very :/ even at the promise of more power (and that's very suspicious to him because what the fuck is that supposed to mean.)

Lily becoming a vampire is equally as bad for the same reasons. He'd lose control of his apprentice who would become an addict for human blood and would be inducted into someone else's undead army.

He ain't for it.

(I'm not saying it's not impossible he'd join if isolated, just Marcus and Chelsea would have their work cut out for them.)

Lily Alone

Lily alone is not for it but this is Voldemort 2: Electric Boogaloo, she has no idea how/if she can escape them and when she does try to run they find her very easily. Running more might just piss them off/make them decide she's not worth the risk so maybe better to just... try to strike some kind of a deal.

So we basically get what's been happening in the fic with the bonus of a) a lack of cover b) a lack of baby that prolongs how long they'll wait before turning her c) complete isolation again.

We see in the original fic Lily's relatively good at handling isolation/adversarial environments, she doesn't break with Tom or in Godric's Hollow for all things get very stressful, but here she also has someone who can a) manipulate how she feels about things b) if that doesn't work then there's the guy that sees every relationship she has and can act on that information.

It's not a good situation.

Lily with Harry

See above, but she has a little more time so Harry can grow to a point where he can be turned as well or Lily can let him live his life.

Tom and Lily without Harry

The fic except full throttle as Aro doesn't have to slow down for baby.

[concreteburialplot]

Intertwined // 04

04 - Snapped Neck

pairing: noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo

masterlists: here | crossposted: ao3 | word count: 5.1k

warnings; VERY SAD 🥲, mild yelling/verbal abuse?, hints at past abuse, reference to past character death, noah is a devastated horrible depressed mess, short time skips, don’t say i didn’t warn you - sorry in advance, don’t hate me 🥲

reminder; THIS IS AU, nothing is meant to be accurate, including family history/events/dynamics/members/names !!

a/n: don't like it don't read it. don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

i’d like to offer a small playlist for this chapter:

seven - taylor swift

matilda - harry styles

winner - conan gray

hard times - ethel cain

anything 4 u - LANY

if it keeps you up at night - the swoons

-NOAH-

After much-needed water bottles, I’m finally starting to feel somewhat normal again. Folio’s asleep in bed next to me while I lay on a laughably thin blanket on the floor. My eyes fully adjusted to the darkness and all I’m focused on is the popcorn ceiling and counting each plaster peak.

The party rages on the other side of the room and I wonder if anyone out there is sober enough to take me home. It’s almost 1 am and the party hasn’t slowed down. I sigh roughly and roll over to wrap the thin pillow around my head to cover both ears. Even through the cotton I can still vaguely hear the music and a song starts that Nicholas and I were obsessed with a couple months ago.

I chuckle quietly at the lyrics,

“That’s my best friend, she a real bad bitch…”

Such a silly song, even though it’s nothing like what we play or what we regularly listen to – we somehow always get the same pop-y songs stuck in our heads at the same time, then end up loving them unironically.

I shake my head with a stupid grin, thinking about the time we were in the kitchen doing a proper, ridiculous performance while we blasted it through a Google speaker. It started with that song but then snowballed into an entire concert at 2 am – all while his little sister just made fun of us, until she eventually caved in and joined our set.

We were all mic-ed up: me a dustpan, Nicholas a broom, and Stella a spatula.

I dig my front teeth into my bottom lip to stifle a laugh that would definitely wake up Folio.

The memory makes the ground below me that much more rigid.

I’ve already tried sleeping every which way on this god-forsaken carpet, but I can’t seem to get comfy.

The hard floor must be the reason I can’t fall asleep.

I flip back to lay flat.

I don’t really understand why Nick got so upset, but it’s been a long night, so I guess I get it. I’m sure he wasn’t thrilled about getting in the lake. Fucking Folio.

And I know he doesn’t like parties.

I don’t really like them either. I think? Maybe I do now? I don’t know.

But I didn’t want to do this without him.

And I just let him leave like that…

God why did I let him leave.

I want to go home.

I need to go home.

There’s a sharp twist in my stomach when I unlock my dying phone and find no texts from him.

I open my bank app to check my balance. $33.87.

I exit and click on the Uber app, put in our address to see the price. $27.59.

I hit request.

I get home after an Uber ride from a questionable middle-aged man with ridiculous combover.

I fumble with my keys at the front door only to find that it’s not locked. I press my weight against the creaky wooden door to push it open. The house is quiet, if Nick’s car wasn’t in the driveway, I’d think the house was completely empty.

I quietly set my keys down on the wooden dining table across from the kitchen. The bedroom door in the hallway is closed, which I expected. I cross the linoleum and very gently twist the doorknob to peer inside. The small room is illuminated solely by moonlight beaming in through the large window by the bed. I step into the room and click the door closed behind me. When I walk over to the bed, the shimmering white light acts like a spotlight on his face and what I notice churns something deep in my chest. Dried streaks coat his face and look almost like rivers from puffy red eyes.

Surely, he didn’t come home that upset because of the argument we had, right?

I tug at my lip and very gently slip into bed beside him beneath the puffy duvet. The movement causes Nicholas to stir and turn away from me. I stay completely still, not even moving a muscle until he’s completely settled then turn in the same direction as him, just inches away from his back.

If he’s that upset with me, would he even want me here?

Am I intruding?

Is it really intruding if I live here too?

Maybe I should’ve stayed on Folio’s floor.

It’s only then that it really sets in that I really moved out, well more like kicked out, and I live here now. Mostly anyway.

But just because you live somewhere doesn’t mean it’s your home. While I love living with my best friend, and I love his family, and they feel like family – they’re not. As much as they try to not make me feel like one, I am an outsider here.

Even Folio in his frat house, sure he just got hazed and whatever, but he belongs there.

I don’t belong anywhere.

The closest thing I’ve gotten to what I imagine belonging feels like, is with Nicholas. But again, he has no tie to me. We’re friends of course, but if I pissed him off and he wanted me gone… well I’d have nothing. I’d have nowhere to go.

I hate this feeling, this feeling of relying on people.

It’s weird taking up space somewhere you have to walk on eggshells because it’s not yours. Because you don’t belong.  

It’s not like I felt like I belonged at home either, not after Mom passed.

So here is better than there at least.

At least there’s no yelling or slamming doors here.

My eyes drift through the moonlit darkness to the small pile of my belongings in the corner of the room. The sight sends a chill up my spine and my heart rate noticeably rises. I’m reminded that there are still some things waiting for me at my stepdad’s.

I want the ability to truly get on my own, if I don’t want to rely on people, I need to get my stuff so that I can actually make something of myself.

I need to at least try.

And to do that, I need my guitar and my keyboard. I’m nothing without them – and I won’t be able to be anything without them.

-NICHOLAS-

My eyes shoot open when shrill screams fill my eardrums. I nearly jump out of my skin at the noise, especially since I had gone to bed alone.

I don’t have the luxury of trying to figure out how Noah got home, just that he is and he’s having another night terror.

“Fuck.” I mutter.

Because I did such a great fucking job dealing with this last time.

I tug at his freezing cold arm and shake him vigorously but of course, it didn’t do much the first time, why would it have a different result now.

I replicate what I did the last time and straddle his lap, grabbing his wrists and pinning them at his sides to restrain his jerky movements.

“NOAH!” I repeat his name with increasing volume.

He wakes up slowly after a couple times of calling his name.

“Nicholas?” He asks groggily, with furrowed brows and squinted eyes.

I sigh, “Night terror.” I state curtly and pull off him, landing beside him with my back towards him.

“Oh.” He says softly and his eyes falter. “Sorry.”

There’s a twist of guilt in my gut because I should be softer with him after his terror, but I just don’t have it in me tonight. The teary soreness in my eyes reminds me just how much I don’t have it in me. I tug the sheets closer to my body.

He rustles around a bit trying to get comfortable, but I fall back asleep quickly. For a bit.

It’s not long after, maybe an hour or two, that I’m awoken once again but this time to a bunch of noise and the overhead light on at full brightness.

“What the fuck.” I mumble, sitting up and rubbing one eye while keeping the other mostly shut.

I turn to find Noah sitting on folded knees, manically rummaging through the couple bags he moved in with. He’s ripping through each one, tossing pieces of clothing out left and right, shaking out the empty bags as if they have hidden compartments.

“What the fuck are you doing Noah.” I ask, my tone soaked in annoyance, exhaustion, and anger.

“I can’t find some of my shirts. I need to get the rest of my shit out. Today.” He replies, his words rushed.

My brows knit together at his sudden – and poorly timed – bout of bravery and motivation. He’d been putting this off and avoiding it for weeks. And now he’s tearing apart his stuff, throwing shit all over our room at 4:30 in the morning… after a night of drinking?

I yawn and shake my head in confusion, “Wait, wait, wait, how did you even get home?”

“Uber.” He replies simply, his gaze still focused on his third bag not even looking up at me.

“You took an Uber home?” I ask somewhat skeptically, “Why didn’t you just call me?”

His rummaging movements pause with a bundle of shirts in hand, “Didn’t wanna bother you.” Then continues digging through the bag.

Normally I would go on a tangent about how I’d rather call me to pick him up instead of doing something stupid like possibly be driven home by someone inebriated – but I’m much too depleted, both physically and emotionally to do so.

“Well, you should’ve called me.” I tug the cotton sheets closer to my body and bunch the material to my chest. “What is this really about? You’re acting so strange.”

I reach over to the light switch and turn the knob to dim the white-yellow hue of the light above us.

“I just need to get my shit, Nicholas.” He huffs, seeming aggravated by my questions.

“Well, you’re gonna go alone if you keep snapping at me like that.” I retort, even though I’d never let him go alone.

He exhales and deflates with a balled-up band tee in his hands. “I just need to do it today. If I don’t do it today, I might not ever be able to.”

Honestly, this is the last thing I fucking needed after earlier tonight. I just wanted to fucking sleep. And not be around Noah.

Yet here I am, awake, around too much Noah.

“Fine.” I sigh. “Fine, we can go today – but only if you fucking wrap up whatever the fuck you’re doing and come to bed. If we’re really doing this today, you don’t need to be sleep-deprived for it.”

“Fine.” He agrees reluctantly and begins gathering the clothes to shove back into the bags. “But I probably won’t be able to sleep.”

“Well, you should at least try.” I scoot back into my left side to make room for him.

The box spring squeaks under the weight of him when slides in and immediately turns away from me. Normally I would be a tad offended, but tonight, I’m grateful.

Surprisingly, small snoozy noises escape him not long after his head hit the pillow. I lay facing him, watching the rise and fall of his ribcage like a metronome.

Concern and fear suddenly flood my bloodstream like a bad drug. Getting most of his stuff out the first time was no picnic and I just know this last time is going to be even worse. Frankly, I’m a tad worried about the things he’d left behind, I wouldn’t put it past his stepdad to throw them out.

I shake my head and try to focus on my breathing to calm me down. When that doesn’t work, I try counting.

I drift off to sleep before 30.  

My faux-leather steering wheel cover cracks under my fidgeting fingers. Noah can’t seem to sit still, running his hands up and down his thighs probably to self soothe. The anxiety is thick and tangible in the car. He would never admit it to me, but I know he’s scared shitless about going back home. Noah always tried to hide it from me, but I’m not stupid. It doesn’t matter how “anemic” or thin you are, you don’t amass that many bruises that frequently. I always wondered if that’s why he started wanting so many tattoos so suddenly. Maybe, on some level, that’s what made me want to start tattooing in the first place.

The normally 20-minute-long car ride felt like three hours, but when we arrived, I could’ve sworn it had only been 3 minutes.

I park on the curb at the end of the driveway and shut off the car. Just being on the tiny patch of lawn has my heart thumping through my chest and it’s not even my battle.

But I guess if I’m here with him,

If it’s his, it’s mine too.

As much as he wasn’t prepared to do this, neither was I. My gaze lands on the rectangular windows of the small yellow house. From the outside, it looks so normal, so happy even. It’s almost eerie how far from the truth that is.

I look over at him, just now realizing he hadn’t said a word the whole ride. He’s slumped in the passenger seat, one lanky arm wrapped around his own waist and the other stationed at his mouth. His eyes glued to the house behind me as he chews on his thumbnail.

“We can still go back home, Noah. We don’t have to do this today if you’re not ready.” I offer gently, mostly because I don’t think either of us are fully equipped to do this.  

“No. I have to do this.” His eyes finally falter away from the house and land on me.

“Okay. You sure you’re ready?” I ask quietly.

His teeth dig into his bottom lip. “No. But I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

“I’m gonna be with you the whole time, okay?” I hold out my pinky. “Always, remember?”

He nods and hooks onto my pinky. “Always.”

As expected, I’ve landed myself in the middle of a brawl between Noah and his stepdad. I feel guilty and useless standing there as a bystander not interfering, but my feet can’t seem to move and my vocal cords have ceased to function.

Noah started off strong, full of adrenaline and blind bravery, but it didn’t take long for George to wear him down.

My heart beats loud in my ears and I can’t hear a word they’re saying. All I see is him waving around Noah’s guitar like it’s a toy, using it as an extension of his exaggerated furious expressions. Noah’s tall, but George is much taller and stronger than him, so Noah just looks like a mouse running around an elephant, scrambling trying to snatch the instrument back.

I’m not sure what they’re even screaming about but the argument escalates further than I ever expected it to. My eyes round as I witness each of George’s hands slide to either end of the guitar’s neck.

No

He wouldn’t

As if in slow motion, I watch the light pale from Noah’s face. His eyes wide and teary, and his brows curled up. I can see the heartbreak in his dark brown eyes in real time as he watches his stepdad easily snap the neck of his beloved guitar.

The break is quick and sharp and fills the room with the sound of cords plucking and wood splintering. The noise after is even louder though, just jarring silence.

Until George opens his mouth again. “Get your sad, pathetic little toys and your little boyfriend out of my goddamn house.” Rasps his deep Western accent.

He forcefully tosses the broken instrument at Noah, hitting him so hard it knocks him backwards. The livid man storms across the house and slams the master bedroom door behind him.

Noah’s knees buckle and land harshly on the carpeted floor, holding the guitar in his arms as if it’s a wounded soldier in battle. His face scrunches up around his eyes and tears just begin pouring from him. His chest hiccups with each sob that escapes. He curls the wooden pieces in his arms into his chest and rests his forehead against the curve of the guitar. His cries heave his entire body.

I’m frozen where I stand. What I just witnessed might as well have been a murder. I’ve seen Noah cry, of course, but this is something I’ve only ever seen once before. Besides that one time, I’ve never seen him this bad. At least, he’s never letme see him this bad.

I gently meet him on the floor. For some reason, I feel hesitant to touch him, but I can’t just sit here and do nothing.

I don’t dare even touch the arms that are gripped onto his guitar so, I rest my hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t even react to my touch at all, as if he can’t even feel it.

“Noah…” I say cautiously. “Let’s just get you out of here, okay? We just need to grab your stuff and get out. We can figure this out later… later when we’re not here.”

He doesn’t respond and when I try to nudge him even a little bit, he’s solid like concrete where he’s kneeled.

“C’mon Noah we gotta go.” I stretch up to double-check that the bedroom door is still closed. “I’ll get the rest of your stuff. We just need to get you out of here.” I urge and squeeze his shoulder a bit.

His fingers dig into the instrument as he takes a deep sniffle and screws his eyes shut tight, shoving the salty tears out. He just gives me a little nod against the guitar, letting me know that he understands but doesn’t move.

“Please, Noah.” I beg and try pulling at his arm again. “Please get up. I need you to get up for me.”

He gives a little of his arm to me and not much more. But I take what I can get and use both of my arms to weakly lift him up from the floor by his underarms. I basically carry him out of the house, his body limp as I drag him backwards across the overgrown lawn. Shards of dying grass cling to our clothes and dust kicks up all over the back of his jeans.

I feebly open my back door and let him crawl into the backseat with the guitar tight in his grip. He immediately lays with it across the cushions and some boxes.

Luckily, we had gotten most of his belongings already so there was just the final sweep left to do.

Thankfully, George is still holed up in his room, though that doesn’t ease my panicked heart-pounding in my ears. Noah’s room is completely bare except for a half-filled trash bag of miscellaneous belongings. I drag the heavy bag across the stained beige carpet, but I stop at something that catches my eye.

In one cubicle of many that make up a huge bookshelf are a couple of photo albums in chronological order spanning over a few years. From the peek-through covers I can tell that they’re filled with pictures of his parents, or maybe at least his mom.

My head snaps at a stir that comes from behind the bedroom door and in a split-second decision, I scoop all the photo albums and throw them into the black trash bag. I use all my strength to heave the now extra bulky bag across the yard as I run towards the car.

I toss the bag into the trunk and slam the door before rounding the car, throwing myself so hard into the driver’s seat that I nearly tip the car over. I take a glance in my rear-view to check on Noah and find his body tightly curled around the instrument sobbing even worse than how I left him. Seeing him like this… gives me an ache in my chest that I didn’t even know could hurt so much. It’s so excruciating that I could almost vomit from it.

I quickly shift the car into drive and speed off so fast that my wheels squeal.

I’m unsure what to do or what to say. It feels like saying anything would only make things worse at risk of saying something wrong. I always feel guilty when situations like this happen with his family because I can’t imagine what he feels. I don’t know what I’d do without my family, and I can’t even fathom someone treating their child like that, especially him. Noah is the last person on earth that deserves that.

I bite my nail as I walk back and forth in the living room lost in my thoughts.

“Honey, why don’t you come sit down?” My mom suggests patting the couch cushion next to her. “Pacing around the living room isn’t going to help anything.”

I sigh and meet her on the couch, “You should’ve seen him, Mamá.” I run my fingers through my sweat-coated roots. “Oh my god, it was horrible.”

She begins rubbing small circles into my back, “I know Gatito.” She tries to soothe, using her Spanish nickname for me – she always told me I resembled a small cat. “But we know what his family is like, I’m surprised something like this hadn’t happened sooner.”

“Yeah…” I trail off, biting down hard on my thumbnail thinking of all the things we never told her his stepdad had done. If she knew the things he’d done to him – especially in front of me – who knows what she’d do. She’s a Hispanic single mother, nothing would be able to stop her – and a George vs. Mom battle royal is the last thing we need.

“I’ve just never seen anyone that… defeated before. That guitar was everything to him.” I hang my head and use both hands to cover my face.

“Well, you know, maybe we could pull together some extra money by Christmas?” She offers. “I could pick up some extra shifts at the hospital.”

“No, no, Mom, you don’t understand.” I sigh and turn my head to her against my propped palm. “His mom gave him that guitar.”

“Oh.” She replies solemnly in understanding.

“There’s a music store in town where I get my vinyls, they do repairs there.” My sister speaks up from across the room, resting on the column that separates the living room from the kitchen. “Maybe you could see if they could fix it?”

I blink blankly as I process her words and it’s like a lightbulb illuminates above my head. “You actually might have a good idea for once Stell.”

 She rolls her eyes, “I’m trying to be helpful, you don’t have to be rude.”

“I’m your brother, it’s kind of my job to be rude.”

“Whatever.” She takes a sip from her obnoxiously sized water bottle. “There’s a really cute guy that works there, I think he does most of the repairs. His name is Jolly, tell him Stella sent you.” She winks.

“Augh.” I groan in disgust and wave her boy craze away. “I’ll be sure to do that.” I add sarcastically.

A serious stillness falls over the room like everyone is equally unsure of how to proceed.

“What are you gonna do about Noah?” Stella asks softly, her voice laced with concern.

My leg bounces in anxious uncertainty as my eyes drift over to my closed bedroom door.

“I don’t know.”

I gently knock on my door and slowly creek it open. The room is pitch black with just Noah on the bed curled up around his guitar, his shoulder length hair splayed across the pillows, and the duvet wrapped around him like a cocoon. He’d been hidden away in my room like this since we got home.

“You awake?” I question timidly, readjusting the tray in my hands.

It takes a moment, but he replies with a tiny, short groan.

“I brought you soup. You know, the chicken noodle my mom makes that you like so much?”

Another brief pause followed by a slightly more intrigued grumble.

I take it as permission to enter and precariously make my way over to him. There’s a sliver of mattress left behind him, and I fit half my ass on it.

I allow him the space to be quiet with me for a bit.

“How are you doing?” I ask, even though it’s an asinine question.

He just sniffles.

“I know, I’m sorry.” I sigh quietly. “Is there anything I can do?”

He sniffles again and scooches further into the bed, onto my side.

I silently tap my index finger on the plastic tray, pondering what that could mean before I speak. “You want me to lay with you?”

He gives a small ‘mhm’ groan.

“Okay, I can do that. But can you eat for me?”

He replies with a ‘nuh-uh’ whine.  

I exhale knowing this was going to be an uphill battle. “Noah, you’ve gotta eat.”

He shakes his head in resistance again.

“C’mon, just a couple bites…for me?”

A pause before he lets out a defiant but agreeing sigh.

“You’re not gonna move, are you?”

He shakes his head.

I breathe out trying not to sound annoyed because I should be grateful that he even cooperated this much.

Maneuvering around him from behind, I hold the bowl in one hand and the spoon in the other. Thankfully, the soup had cooled down to just a bit warmer than room temperature. I scoop a spoonful of it, making sure to get a little bit of everything: noodle, chicken, and carrot – if he’s only going to take a couple bites, I have to make sure they count.  I carefully bring the spoon over to his lips, he lifts his head just a bit and takes the spoonful into his mouth. He let me give him 4 or 5 bites, which was more than I expected, before rejecting the rest.

I set the bowl on the nightstand, lift the sheets, and nestle into the space he made for me.

“Thanks for eating.” I say quietly. “I know you didn’t want to.”

He nods mutely.

I press my lips together. “I’m sorry about what happened today.”

He’s silent. Slowly but surely sniffles and sobs begin to pour from him again. I immediately feel the twist of guilt in my stomach for being the one to trigger his tears again.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I-I can leave if you want some priv–“

His hand reaches behind him and firmly captures my wrist.

“Stay.” He begs in a coarse whisper, the first thing he’s said since we came home. “Please?”

His voice is so cracked and hoarse, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he was sick.

I falter a second to respond but he must’ve felt the hesitation.

“It helps.” He croaks. “Remember?”

The churn in my chest returns and there’s an ache in my heart that accompanies it. If I could somehow magically take all of this away, I would, even if it meant trading places with him. Even if it meant I’d be the one hurting instead.

I feel so fucking useless, not being able to do much for him.

But at least I can do this.

“Okay.” I respond cautiously and settle further into the bed, now essentially spooned around his body.

His grip on my wrist never left so I let our joined arms rest on his hip. I can’t seem to gather with the right words to say to him, I mean what can you really say after something like that?

So, I offer him the only words that feel suitable.

“I’m not going anywhere, Noah. You know that right?”

There’s a long quiet, so long that I think he may have fallen asleep.

But then he squeezes my wrist.

“Thank you.”

I sense the urge to do something, but I’m not sure how he’ll react. I don’t know, maybe it would help?

I tug at where his hand meets mine and he gives me an upset grumble, like he doesn’t want me to leave.

“I just… is it okay if - can I try something?” I ask shyly, suddenly very nervous, nervous enough to have my heart racing.

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch his brows furrowing. I can tell he wants to be stubborn and keep me latched there, but curiosity always gets the best of him. He slowly loosens his grip on my wrist.

I didn’t notice that my palms were sweating until I’ve retrieved my hand. I press my lips flat and feel like my ribcage could burst open at any minute from how hard my heart beats against it.

My body is screaming at me to do it and as much as I want to fight it, I can’t.

Maybe it would help

I let my arm go where it wants to go. It slithers beneath the covers and through the space between Noah’s arm and his side. I wrap my arm around his waist and pull flush against him.

We both freeze. My ears grow warm as the hour-long seconds pass.

Maybe he’s uncomfortable

Maybe he thinks this is weird

Maybe it is weird?

Is this weird?

Maybe he doesn’t like it

Maybe I’m making it worse

Maybe–

Unexpectedly, he just melts into me. His body molds into my arms like they were made just for him.

He finds my arm and brings it to his face, pressing his damp, swollen eyes against it. Small sobs fall into my arm and his grip on me is so tight I could turn blue.

Maybe he feels safe, and maybe he just needed to feel safe to let the rest out.

My own eyes well up at the sound of him, at the feeling of his body heaving in my arms. I press my forehead against his shoulder.

“I’m here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m always gonna be here.” I reassure him again through my own held-back tears.

He wipes his tears off with the collar of his shirt before pulling my arm back around his chest. He nuzzles into me, and I feel my heart swell so big it fills my entire chest.

I think I already know the answer, but I wanna hear it anyway.

“Does this help?”

He lets out a sleepy sigh as he nestles his back into my chest.

“You always help, Nicholas.”

Next Chapter -> 05 - Girl Crush*

tag list; @ladyveronikawrites @cryingabtab @sinkingteethinwhitenoise @kingdomof-omens @the-hell-i-overcame @blackveilomens @xxrainstorm [comment if you'd like to be tagged?]

a/n; I know this was a heavy one 😅 i'm sorry, i hope you were able to enjoy it regardless.

Thank you for the support on this series and on my other series, Virality. I appreciate it more than you know. I love reading your comments and asks. I am incredibly grateful for them, thank you.

[hswriting]

Hard to Love - Part 3

[Image Alt ID: a three picture collage with a blue background. The first picture is of the shadow of an iv bag. The second picture is of an x ray with broken ribs. The final picture is of someone’s hand resting at their side in a hospital bed. The hand has an iv placed in it. End Alt ID]

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Masterlist Series Part 2 Part 4

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3.0k words

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Something bad happens to April and Harry feels guilty. Guilty enough that he takes her care into his own hands.

Cw: mentions of abuse, guns, police, recovering. (Also just a note: I am not really sure how recovery for a gunshot wound works so I am doing my best to find out, but some information may be wrong)

Harry: why are you being so stubborn? If you don’t like that it’s me trying to help, I’ll have someone else ask. You know I will.

I have told Harry for several days now it’s not safe to take his offer. He could get hurt. But every evening after Robbie goes to bed, I check my phone to see Harry’s offer still on the table.

Me: Harry you know that’s not why. I can’t put anyone else at risk.

Harry: Maybe I don’t care about the risk. Fuck him. I told you I could take you to the women’s shelter for DV. They could keep you safe from him.

Me: He would search for me. The first place he would come terrorize is the restaurant. That wouldn’t be good Harry. Now quit arguing with me. I’ll be okay for now. I do appreciate your offer still. I guess you’re not always a dick.

Harry: No, I’m still a dick I’m sure. Just not about this. I feel awful for making fun of you.

Me: I would say it’s fine, but that was awful and I’m glad you are sorry.

Harry: I really am. But I’m still a dick in other areas of my life. Such as leaving the silverware rolling for you.

Me: I actually like the silverware rolling. I don’t mind.

Harry: Well, you can do it all of the time then. I’m going to get some rest. I have the morning shift tomorrow. Have a good night April.

Me: I’ll try. You too Harry.

I put my phone down and roll over to sleep. It doesn’t take long for me to drift off. My days may not always be great, but at least they end decently. Harry isn’t so mean to me right now. I don’t know how long this nice streak is going to last, but I’m going to take what little joy I can from it, and store it for days like tomorrow.

Tomorrow is going to be the fun day. I have the day off. No work. No place to go to get away. Tomorrow is going to be walking on eggshells to please him. Tomorrow is going to suck.

I eventually fall asleep.

When I wake up, Robbie is already awake and out of bed. I get dressed into day clothes. I put on a plain black t shirt and some blue jeans. I brush my hair out and look in the mirror. I would love to wear makeup, but Robbie doesn’t let me buy any. He thinks other men will look at me. He doesn’t trust that I won’t go to somebody else. I want to go to someone else, but even if I could, I don’t like anyone that way. I probably would be too hard to handle in a relationship anyways. Too much trauma and baggage. I’m better off alone. If I could ever be alone.

I walk out to the kitchen and see Robbie in his usual place. He is on the couch. I begin getting out the stuff to make breakfast. I grab the eggs and bacon and turn the stove on. I cook his food the best that I can and serve it to him. He eats it and I begin the chores of the house that don’t really get done when I’m not home. I start our laundry.

I walk around to each room and pick the clothes up off of the floor when I walk into the living room again. I see Robbie standing up, waiting for me. I look closer and see my phone in his hand.

“Are you fucking serious?” He says to me. I feel myself begin to shake. “You’re not only texting another guy, but you told someone?”

“What are you talking about?” I ask him. I know what he is talking about, but maybe I can play it cool.

“Who the fuck is Harry? Why the fuck is he telling you that he can take you to a shelter.”

“Robbie-“

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” He yells at me. He throws my phone across the room and shatters it. He runs towards me. “I fucking told you what would happen if you told someone. You’re a dead bitch!” He yells at me. I run to the front door. It’s locked. I try to undo the locks as fast as I can, put he catches me. He grabs me by my waist and lifts me into the air. He slams me on the ground, my back exploding in pain. The wind is knocked out of me and I gasp for air.

Through the pain, I try to scramble again to the door, another attempt at the locks. If I can just get one step out of the door.

Crack. Another explosion of pain, this time in my ribs. He brings his hand back and punches me again. I fall to the floor and hold my side. He kicks me over and over again. My arms block most of it, but I’m sure they look as awful as they feel. I can’t move from this spot on the floor. There is no chance of me getting back to the locks on the door.

He drags me to the bedroom and throws me on the bed. He opens a drawer and pulls out a gun.

“Got you something. I knew this day was going to come. Stupid whore like you can’t help yourself. He loads the gun and points it at me. It takes everything in me to move. Right as he presses the trigger, I move out of the way. He presses it again and it hits my left leg. Blood starts pouring out of me when I hear a loud crash in the living room. Robbie goes out and sees what it is. I hear shouting, but can’t make out what is being said. I press my hands to my leg to try and stop the bleeding.

I’m starting to see spots in my vision. I can’t pass out yet. I have to hold my leg. I hear footsteps and close my eyes. There’s nothing I can do. I can’t fight him. I can’t walk. I have to accept what it is. He is going to kill me.

“I need an ambulance to my current location. ” I hear a voice say. “Ma’am I’m with the police department. You’re safe now.”

How are the police here? Does it matter how? The officer grabs something off of her uniform. She wraps it around my leg. Another officer comes in the room.

“Tourniquet applied at 8:47am” she told the other officer. He wrote it down on his notepad. “Did you take him? Did you arrest him?” I ask through the haze.

“We have officers working on it. He ran outside and the officers are on his trail. Don’t worry. You’re safe now.”

“Who… called?” I struggle to say. The spots are begging to take over.

“Your new neighbors. They just moved it. They heard him yelling some things-“ is what I hear before I am consumed by the darkness.

I wake up to bright lights. I look around and I have a hefty bandage on my leg. It hurts to breathe. I see that I am in a hospital room. I don’t remember coming here. I press the call button on my beside remote and a doctor comes in. She is very tall, beautiful dark skin and brown eyes that almost glow.

“Glad to see you’re awake. You gave us a scare there Miss April. I’m Doctor Macy.”

“Did they catch him?”

“No they didn’t. But you don’t have to worry. You’re safe here. We have your room on limited contact, which means only who you say is allowed back can see you. There are two police officers outside of your door in case Robbie comes by.”

“Oh okay. Thank you.” I tell her. “I don’t think anyone would be coming to see me anyways. So I don’t think that’s something we have to worry about.”

“Alright then. Since you’re awake, I wanted to tell you about your injuries if you are up for it.”

“Okay.”

“You have the obvious gunshot wound on your leg. We were able to get the bullet out safely and fix you up. You made need physical therapy to help you walk after you get healed up. That will depend on your progress here. You also have two broken ribs. Those will take about 6 weeks to heal. I don’t want you working after your discharge, but it’s not quite time for that yet. I know I just dumped a lot of information on you. Do you have any questions?” She asks me.

“How long will I be here?”

“We are most worried about your leg. That is going to take time to recover. We are thinking maybe a week to see how you are able to walk and such. If you are still struggling with that, it may be longer.”

“Okay.”

“Anything else?”

“Is it possible I could get something for the pain? It hurts so bad.”

“Of course.” She says. She administers pain medication to me.

“Thank you.” I tell her as I wait for it to kick in.

“It’s no problem. Just one more question. Do you have anyone you would like us to call? Any family or friends?”

“I- I don’t have anyone I can call.”

“Okay dear. Just press the button if you need anything.” She says. She walks out of the room and closes the door.

The next few hours consist of doctors coming in to help me with breathing exercises for my broken rib treatment. It’s very boring in between the doctors coming in. I don’t have my phone. I don’t have a book. I don’t have a tv. It’s just sitting and staring at the ceiling, trying not to focus on the pain.

I can’t help but think about how it’s over. It’s all over. Robbie is in the wind. I hope he gets caught soon. I worry he may come back after I get out of here, but for right now I can’t help but feel something I haven’t felt in ages. A little ray of hope. A little bit of joy.

He is finally out of my life. I don’t know what I am going to do next. I don’t know where I can go. The house was his, but I now have the freedom to choose. I can go wherever I want. I can talk to people again. I can have a life outside of work and home. The possibilities are endless.

At the same time, I’m so scared. All of that possibility, all of the freedom. What am I supposed to do with it? I like my job. I liked my house. There is the offer of Harry’s help, but I’m still hesitant. I wouldn’t say we hate each other anymore, but we aren’t friends. He is simply just offering to help me. There isn’t really a risk of Robbie anymore, unless they don’t catch him, but surely they will. They have to.

Knock knock knock

A nurse pops her head into the door.

“A man is out in the waiting room for you. He says his name is Harry Styles. Would you like to let him in?” She says. I am a bit shocked. He has offered me help, but I really didn’t expect him to visit me here.

“Yes. Let him in.” I tell her. She leaves the room for a few minutes. Harry comes back with her. He has a black rain coat on. Small droplets are still sitting on the shoulders of the coat. His hair still sits in curls on his head. He has an upset look on his face.

The nurse leaves us alone and there is a minute of silence as he looks at me. I decide to break the silence.

“Must not hate me too much if you’re willing to visit me in the hospital.”

“Even if I did hate you, everyone needs someone. You said you don’t have anyone, so I can be your person. Even if I didn’t want to, I feel like the universe would make me as karma for making fun of you.”

“Awe how sweet.” I mock.

“How are you feeling?” He asks me in a slightly annoyed voice, but mostly sad.

“I’m in a bit of pain, but the medicine they have been giving me helps quite a bit.”

“What happened? Why didn’t you call me?” He asks, his tone shifting to upset.

“Robbie, he shattered my phone or I would have. I didn’t know your number to give to the nurse.” I say. He looks like he has so many questions, but he can’t sort them out enough to say them.

“What did he do?” Harry asks. I’m hesitant to answer. It’s my fault this started. I forgot to delete my texts with Harry. I don’t want Harry to think it’s his fault for texting me, so I stick to the injuries.

“He got really upset with me. I tried to run out of the house, but I couldn’t undo the locks fast enough. He slammed me to the floor. I got up and tried for the door again. He punched me and I fell. He kicked me over and over again. Then when he was done, he dragged me to our bedroom. He pulled a gun on me Harry. I didn’t even know he had one. I thought for sure I was dead. I was able to move enough to avoid him hitting my chest, but he got my leg instead.”

“Holy shit April. I’m so sorry.” He says to me.

“I’m sorry too.”

“Why in the world would you be sorry?”

“I feel bad that you’re here. I know you always were extending an offer to help. I didn’t take it. It’s my fault.”

“None of what that poor excuse of a person has done is your fault. Nobody deserves this.” He says. He finally sits down on the chair beside my bed. He sheds his coat. Another moment of silence, followed by a question.

“So, not to be annoying, but what are you going to do after this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you able to go back to your home?”

“The home was never mine. I have stuff there that I need to get, but the house is his. I don’t have a place to go.”

“Well, just going to offer one more time. I have a spare room.” He says again, except this time, I think I might take it. Just until I can support myself on my own. It won’t take long.

“I think i just might have to take you up on that this time.” I tell him shyly.

“Good. Just don’t be a dick and eat all of my cereal.” I laugh, wincing at the pain.

“I won’t eat your cereal Harry.”

“Or touch my video games. You think I’m mean now, try touching my games. I’ll be a raging asshole from then on.” He says. We both laugh.

“It’s amazing how you can be sweet but choose to be a dick sometimes, but I see you Harry. You’re mean. You suck most of the time, and maybe the guilt of making fun of me all that time is what brought you here, but that doesn’t change that you’re here anyways. I think you’re a big softie, but you choose to put on such a harsh exterior. But you’re here, being kind of nice to me.” I tell him, getting sentimental.

“Must be some pretty good drugs. They must have given you too much to make your brain loopy. You’re looking too deep into this.”

“No. You’re just mad that I’m right.”

“Whatever you say, loopy.”

“So I’ve got a new nickname then?”

“For now.” He replies.

“At this rate, we should make a besties handshake.” I state. He looks at me puzzled.

“Really?”

“No.” I laugh again, my ribs getting more sore. Harry sees me wince in pain.

“Maybe you should take it easy on being a comedian right now. What is your recovery looking like?” He asks. I explain to him what the doctor told me earlier about a week in the hospital at least plus physical therapy. I also told him about the 6 weeks off of work.

“Damn. That sucks. Maybe you’ll be like a superhero or something and heal super quickly.”

“Maybe.” I tell him. “That would be great. I hate hospitals. I feel too needy in a place like this.”

“You’re too needy for being injured and requiring care? That’s about the stupidest thing I’ve heard.”

“Well-“

“That’s ridiculous.”

“And now you’re back to being mean.” I fake pout.

“I told you. Still a dick.” He tells me, a small smile on his face. He tries to hide it but it’s there.

“Now who’s ridiculous?” I say and he chuckles.

The day passes by a bit quicker since Harry arrived. Doctors are in and out adjusting medicines, giving treatment, and seeing if I need anything. Harry kept me pretty well taken care of as far as water, ice, and snacks go. He even went as far as sleeping in the chair beside my bed last night.

I think he really does feel guilty. He used to go on and on about my long sleeve shirts all day. He would pick on me all day about needing control over small things at my job. But now, he’s here when I have no one else. I’m free of Robbie. Harry isn’t exactly the person I thought would help me out of my situation, but he is. He puts on such a harsh exterior, but I think he genuinely cares and has such a big heart. He’s just afraid to show it for whatever reason. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am thinking too much into this, but I bet I’m not. I know I’m right. And I plan to get to know Harry inside of his mean exterior. Im going to give him a second chance.

- - -

Masterlist Series Part 2 Part 4

[hello-nichya-here]

Why was Rhaenyra so quick to jump into bed with Daemon both after saying she didn't want to get married and the again shortly after the death of Harry Strong, whom she supposedly loved?

First let's look at the reason why Rhaenyra didn't want to get married: her mother spent years in lots of physical and mental anguish, having one miscarriage/stillbirth after another, and eventually dying while giving birth to the king's long awaited male heir - who died a few hours later, so her sacrifice was all for nothing. People were then immediately trying to covince the king to pick a girl of their families as his new queen, like her mother didn't matter at all.

Obviously this soured Rhaenyra on the idea of marriage, because she feared ending up in the same situation as her mother. The fact that plenty of people were expecting marriage to be her "cosolation prize" so she'd step aside and let Aegon be king obviously didn't help.

And in the middle of all this chaos there's Daemon, her evil uncle. The one that is always making bedroom eyes at her and brought her a necklace of valiryan steel just because. The one person she's always speaking High Valiryan to, as it is the show's way of making clear to us that their connection to each other is different than the one they have with other people.

The one who was giving her emotional support when she had give the order to burn her mother's body. The one who, yes, stole the egg that was meant for her brother, yet the second she calls his bluff and tells him to stop being petty and kill her already so he can be king like he wants to, he immediately drops the act and gives her the egg back, no fighting, no conditions, no "you owe me", no nothing.

The one she felt comfortable enough explaining her trauma about her mother's death to, and to whom she was asking about whether marriage and love always had to be mutually exclusive.

That same Daemon took her to a brothel, explicitly to offer her just a forbidden affair, pleasure for pleasure's sake. He was someone she trusted and was attracted to, AND he was not her husband, therefore didn't get to demand heirs from her as that would be scandal - her own father even gave her moontea later to make sure she would not be pregnant.

But Viserys was, of course, not happy about this mess, so he picked a husband for Rhaenyra and she'd have no choice but to obey - and then in comes Daemon again, letting her know he is now widowed and still VERY into her.

Sure, Rhaenyra is willing to "do her duty" with her husband Laenor - but she also said that once that was done they'd both fuck whoever they wanted, and now here is Daemon, possibly giving her a way out of even that.

We gotta remember that, sometimes, Rhaenyra can be a lot like her uncle. She just wants what she wants when she wants it. She was flirting with both Criston Cole AND Daemon for the first half of the season, and when Daemon didn't go all the way with her, she turned to the "second best."

At that moment, on her wedding night, she does not want her VERY-soon-to-be-husband, she wants Daemon - and since Viserys won't accept her being "dishonored" again, the only that can happen is for them to elope, so she proposes exactly that (after rejecting Criston's offer to run away, because fleeing with him did not include a possible path to being queen).

Rhaenyra has mixed feelings about marriage and kids, but it's clear that thinks Daemon could be her "exception."

Things don't work out as she hoped they would, so they go their separate ways. She falls in love with Harwin and has his children - his BASTARD children, aka she's still in control, because their affair is a secret so if she ever felt like her life was in danger of the pregnancies, she could end them and not have her husband, her lover or her father demand her to risk her life for the sake of the kid, as that kid could mean exposing their (already poorly kept) secret.

Then Harwin is murdered and pretty much everyone knows of their affair, and Rhaenyra is at a super vulnerable position - and once again, in comes Daemon, widowed yet again, clearly still interested in his niece, and still perfectly capable and willing to strengthen her claim to the throne if they join forces to reign together.

OF COURSE she jumped his bones immediately. By her own admission, she believes that her life went all wrong because she didn't marry him years prior. Sure, in episode 10 we see she might not be as safe with him as she thought she would be, but she had no way of knowing that.

Everytime Rhaenyra runs to her uncle's arms, she had very good reasons to do so - and, like I said, she just wanted him, and he full on encouraged her to just take whatever she wanted because she's a Targaryen and not letting the world burn just so they can get what they want is weakness.

[endversewinchester]

Well I’m having a horrible day am I not. There’s a lot in the last two chapters of OotP so let’s break it down.

Cannot imagine how much pain Lupin is in right now. And yet his first concern is Harry. Keeping Harry safe. Comforting him. He is a great dad too and this made me tear up reading again.

Like?? How would I not tear up??

Again. Lupin trying to be there for Harry when he too is grieving heavily and completely disoriented is so sad but beautiful at the same time. We saw him and Sirius coparenting a lot in this book and now that it’s only him… he’s holding it so well.

This was me as a kid watching this happen on screen for the first time.

The writing on the death scene itself wasn’t the best but the aftermath is surely heart wrenching. And Phineas. F-off.

No no no we’re not doing this. Sirius wouldn’t want you doing this. It’s ok you didn’t ask. Your world turned upside down so fast and you were just a kid.

This he has every right in the world to feel. It’s a deep and dark topic. Him sinking low enough that he doesn’t even want to be alive, but I do not blame him. He lost “the only family he has left” as he says and it isn’t even the first time. I’m so sorry, Harry. So sorry.

This was beautiful. Made me want to sob along with Harry. But beautiful.

See, here’s my problem with Dumbledore. Most of the fandom and especially the marauders fandom seem to be under the impression that he’s evil and he makes bad things happen on purpose. While I will admit he is very calculating, I don’t think every single action of his is deliberate. Otherwise he wouldn’t need Harry, he would beat Voldemort on intelligence alone.

Do I think he fucked up? Absolutely. He is telling Harry what we know. That keeping someone with Sirius’ personality locked up for a long time is a horrible idea, and that those people eventually snap. Great, but what other choice did he have? “Get Sirius a trial” he lost every single one of his power positions in the ministry in this book, and eventually was a wanted man himself.

But even before that, we saw their conversation at Hogwarts at the end of 4. Cornelius Fudge was not interested in doing what was right. He was interested in doing what was easy and would maintain his power and privilege. He would never give Sirius a trial because “Dumbledore said so”.

With that, his only option to keep Sirius safe and alive (because again, if he was caught he was to be executed, not sent back to jail) was locking him up somewhere else. Did it have to be Grimmauld? Not really. But it was Sirius himself that offered his family’s house for the Order, so I think this is way more complicated than we all like to admit.

[silverfox579]

mod!harry potter x dc

Death looks away from the universe for one second to take care of some personal business. When they look back, the multiverse is broken. They decide to send their new bridge, the Master of Death, to go and fix it.

Harry did not sign up for this.

---------------

"So, let me get this straight."

Harry tried not to grimace. The blonde Brit who'd had the misfortune to catch Death's eye looked on the verge of an aneurysm—and really, he couldn't blame him. If he'd been told by an interdimensional sort of deity that all the suffering he'd endured throughout his lifetime was actually one giant mistake, he'd want to shoot the messenger too.

John Constantine, occult detective and twice-damned soul, massaged the side of his head. No one else could see Harry, but Constantine had applied a spell to freeze time the instant Harry had been dropped in—literally—so there were no other active humans in the rowdy bar save for the two of them. 

"You're saying this," the wizard said, waving his hand to gesture to...everything, "is because your boss...blinked. And their siblings, the 'Endless', fucked over the entire multiverse in the span of that one, single blink?"

"Er," Harry said. "Pretty much."

John leaned backward over the bar. He closed his eyes. "I can't do this sober," he declared, reaching out to rummage through the shelves behind him. "Morgana's left tit!" The bottles wouldn't move. Time being frozen meant that there were some...unique restrictions on the surrounding environment. 

John flopped over, splaying out on the bar. "Just kill me now," he moaned. "Why would you tell me that? Are you outta your bloody mind?!"

"I mean, the world was supposed to reach this stage eventually," Harry attempted to reassure. "So it's not really like, forbidden knowledge. The only difference now is that it's reached a point where Death can do something about it."

John shot him a dirty look. "I don't give two fucks. Bugger off, bitch." Then he flipped him off.

Harry sighed again and looked down at his very, very long list of souls. "I'll put you down for an IOU then," he said, scribbling down a note on the weathered parchment. "If you ever want to cash it in, just call for me. A reaper will connect your request to me."

"What do I even qualify for?" John's face scrunched. "A bloody get-well card?"

Harry perked up a little. "I have a brochure here—"

"Never mind." John slammed his face back down onto the bar. "Gewr outd."

Harry sighed.

The next home visit didn't go much better. Probably because he'd directly appeared in the person's home.

"Please just listen to me," Harry all but pleaded. "It'll be quick. Ten minutes, max. I promise."

Wally West couldn't do much more than cross his arms thanks to the sticking charms Harry had cast on him, but his glare was deadly enough to make him cringe.

"You get one," he said in a low voice, his wife guarding her heavy stomach with a wary look in her eyes. "And if it turns out to be bullshit, you won't get enough time to regret it."

"Congratulations!" Harry blurted out. "You're eligible for death benefits!"

Wally punched him.

"He punched you?"

"He punched me."

Superman laughed, his cape swaying gently in the wind of the barren planet Harry had taken him to...to avoid property damage and all that. "You must've really spooked him. Flash usually isn't one to punch and run."

Harry shot him a withering glare. Clark managed a sheepish grin.

"To be honest, there isn't a lot I'm allowed to offer you," Harry admitted, shaking out the brochure with Clark Kent's benefits from his sleeve. "I mean, Ra already pretty much covered everything with you Kryptoninans. Indestructibility, laser vision, flight, the works. Is there anything else you want?"

Clark thought it over. "Not really," he admitted. "I'm happy with what I have. The simple life's all I've ever really wanted, y'know? Well, maybe not all the time, but it's good." He smiled. "I've had a good life."

Harry scrutinized him. Then he snapped his fingers. "I got it. How about this? I can give you this." He summoned a small glass cube, containing a single seed-like core in the middle.

"What's this?" Clark asked, holding the cube up to get a better look at it.

"That's Krypton."

Clark nearly dropped it. Luckily, he caught it before he did. "It's what?"

"To be exact, it's a world seed with a nearly identical formula to Krypton," Harry elaborated. "Here's a manual on how to raise it. Normally, it'd taken a few millennia to grow, but the version I gave you is already mature. It'll be around the size of a small moon, so pick a good spot for it, okay? It won't be big enough to sustain a whole population, but it'll show you some of the sights you missed out on." He dropped a thick tome in Clark's lap.

"I—" Clark stared at the cube in stunned silence.

"If you decide you want to return it, just call my name," Harry informed him. "Since I chose it for you, you'll get a free pass. Otherwise, just follow the manual, and you'll be good. Okay?" He didn't wait for a response. "Great! Looks like we're all done here then. I'll drop you back off."

"Wait—"

Harry snapped his fingers.

"I already told you," Jason Todd glared, "I'm not falling for your cheap ass scam. Go bother someone else. You're ruining my vibe."

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. "I already resurrected your adoptive mom from the dead. How is that not enough proof I'm the real deal?"

"Yeah, for like five minutes," Jason scoffed rebelliously. Harry felt like strangling him. "Any scammer could do that."

Harry wanted to scream. "You know what? Fine. If you don't believe me, I will bloody prove it to you—"

[epsilontauri]

dealing with grief is so fucking wild.

one moment i‘m ok and packing my things into neat little moving boxes, and one second later i‘ll remember how she always greeted me in a sing-songy voice and immediately offered me food, tea or coffee when i walked in.

and then i weep because she’ll never do that again.

i when i‘m somewhat ok again, i‘m telling people around me who never got to meet her who she was, how she was, hoping to make her immortal by planting little parts of her in the knowledge and memory of other people.

like, the way she planted mint in the garden and instead of taking over, it barley grew— she was always so frustrated about it! how does the mint not grow at all?! she just wanted to make fresh mint tea. or the way she managed to keep a huge pot of sage alive without doing anything. how she was concerned every winter for the fern that she planted outside of her kitchen window. how she scribbled into all of her cooking books, especially when she liked a recipe. how she collected and build her own library, but kept mixing classics with fantasy and children’s books.

she wrote poems and short stories. i hope she wrote them all down somewhere and we‘ll manage to find them. she wanted to color her hair in a hot pink once the white hairs were more prominent. she asked her youngest son in the morning how many books she should take with her to read in the hospital after the surgery. she asked her second oldest son what kind of cake he wanted next week for his 33rd birthday. she always let her husband trim her long hair. she wasn’t crafty at all and couldn’t sew to safe her life (it was her husband who would fix everything with the sewing machine) but after she spent one summer looking after her grandmother as a teen, she learned how to knit socks and kept doing that.

she believed that magic is found in nature, and she showed me where to look for it. she was always making sure that everyone is treated fair. she accepted immediately that i‘m non-binary’s without any fuss and called me ain from then on. she even understood how i felt about womanhood and related to it, and she told me she’s probably nonbinary too, and i was almost crying in relief, bc my own mother was just crushed and weeping as if i just died in front of her. one time she was more excited to see me that her 3rd son (my ex), despite haven’t seen him in a long time too, bc i wasn’t around as often after i broke up with him after my outing. she loved harry potter but no longer wanted to read it after i told her about jkr’s transphobia.

and she loved halloween so much! she decorated the house in fake spider webs and was always a bit disappointed that no kids came over for candy, mostly due to the fact that her house is on the very end of a steep road up the hill. she loved moomin. i hesitated taking the mug with moomin-papa bc it was her favourite, but i took it bc she also knew that i liked it a lot. the coffee tasted less bitter in it.

i once tried to embroider her medieval dress and only managed to finish one side, but she was excited nonetheless about my work and proudly announced that it’s my work whenever someone pointed it out. i still have the rings that she gave me as a gift, and she wanted me to inherit a beautiful hand-painted wardrobe from 17-something, just because it was a wedding gift of the girl who happened to share my deadname and she still thought i was meant to have it, even if my name is a different one now.

gods, i miss her so much. she was less like a second mother and more of a friend to me. this shouldn’t have happened. she should be around and complain about the heat and how she gets tired more quickly while reading. she would tell me how this time, she would refuse to do the math exercises during recovery, even if it‘s important to monitor her brain function, and eventually admit that she would do them, but still has the right to complain about it bc of her dyscalculia, and i would send her pictures and videos of my cats to cheer her up.

i wanted to tell her that i found my person and that i‘m engaged and we’re planning to get married. i wanted her to meet my fiancé and see them both talk about movies and art and board games. i looked forward to see her excited smile and feel her crushing hug and her breathless „…but oh ain, that is so wonderful!“ i wanted to share my special interest in danmei with her and give her one of the books to read.

i just want her back. i want her to be around happy and healthy and enjoying retirement with her husband.

but she won’t. she’s gone.

[look-at-the-soul]

Congrats again on 500, Mar! ☺️💕 What’ll you do with this?? 🤔🤔

(p.s: I’m sorry if I send a few of these in...I just can’t get enough of your writing)

K you sent me this gif ages ago, and I'm terribly sorry it took this long for me to post, but we can't hurry inspiration right? (And it's better late than ever anyways...) 🥰✨

It got longer than a blurb.

And my biggest thanks to @lyarr24 for the drinking games ideas. :)

⚠️ Drunk Tommy

Drunk on you

 

“Fucking hell.” Tommy mumbled for himself after asking Harry if he had seen you. The answer wasn’t what he had expected as Harry told him you were walking with that bloody carpenter. “Evebody get the fuck out of here!” He barked feeling a sudden anger building inside.

The Garrison went deadly quiet and all the men gathered there started to leave.

Joseph did what he couldn’t; he asked you out. And the fucking walk around the lake was the first step into his courtship. There was nothing he could do, Joseph had a clean record, paid his bills, provided for his old mother, he wouldn’t steal a carrot, and he had the path cleared when he laid his eyes on you.

Tommy couldn’t find a single motive to set his business into fire other than jealousy.

But he couldn’t let you slip away either.

He had met you thanks to Arthur, the memory still fresh in his mind.

His brother accidentally knocked on your door one night completely drunk and after assuring you it was his home, a few minutes later somehow you convinced Arthur to follow you and after being about to stumble a couple of times with his own steps, you made it to Watery Lane with Arthur Shelby mumbling how you were such a good Samaritan, an angel on earth, you tried you get him to stay quiet or at least keep his voice down, but he was so loud that Tommy had to rush outside to help you.

“Tommy?” Harry asked rubbing his fingers nervously against a cloth, unsure of the answer he would get. “I wanted to know if I can head home early, my wife just had our baby and...” but before he could continue, Tommy nodded.

“Sure, Harry... I will close the Garrison.” He answered in a rare kindness spree while Harry’s face lighted up and decided to leave before Tommy could change his mind.

Pouring himself another whiskey, he quickly made a face as the amber liquid burned his throat.

Memories continued to assault his vision as he remembered the scary face you made when he opened the door.

“Mr. Shelby, sorry to bother you but-”

He was startled at first, wasn’t expecting a new face in Birmingham to stop by late at night with his drunkass brother.

“Ah there it is my little brotha!” Arthur pinched his cheeks, earning a dead stare look from him.

“Thank you for not leaving him outside.”

“Tom-mey! This is... Y/N.” Tommy took his brother’s arm and passed it behind his neck to hold his weight. “Whatcha do sunshine?” He started calling her that for her unusual yellow sweater, it reminded him of a sunny day.

“I send telegrams, if you ever need to send one, let me know.” You stated with a half smile.

“I surely will be sending some then, it’s good to know a familiar face that can keep our affairs off the record.” He then winked at you easing your tension.

Watching at the clock, Tommy wondered if he should walk casually in front of your place to see if you were back home.

And what the hell would he say then?

You had been the perfect company after Grace betrayed him, listening to him while he cursed and blamed himself for trusting her, you never accused him or reproached the mistake he made like some of his family members, no... you just listened when he needed it the most, even helped him get his mind back on track, motivating him to use the pain as fuel. But eventually, you found a man that listened to you, it was only fair if he wasted so much time licking his wounds for someone who wasn’t worth it.

“Would you like some tea?” He offered with some effort while holding Arthur, heavier by the minute. “Let me put him to bed and walk you back home, it’s late.”

“You’re a cloud.” Stated Arthur, his eyes almost closed. “Grumpy... and boring.” Then, patting his chest, he added; “but I love you. Where’s the bottle doll?”

“How fucking embarrassing Arthur.” Tommy pulled or more likely dragged him inside. “Accept my apologies.” He added while placing Arthur on a chair. “You must be cold.” In a gentle motion, Tommy placed a chair in front of the fire and started to boil the water.

“This is really not necessary.” You added, feeling so out of place, after listening to the stories going around the leader of the Shelby family, you weren’t sure what to expect when the ruthless gangster was offering you a cup of tea.

“You could’ve kicked him out...” He pointed at the man whose head was hanging against the back of the chair in an uncomfortable position, snoring lightly.

“He wasn’t exactly the typical drunk that falls asleep.” Nope, Arthur knocked about ten times and when he stared shouting you decided to open the door.

Tommy chuckled at that. No, Arthur got pretty loud when he got drunk.

Pouring the tea for you, he stopped for a second. “Thomas Shelby.” He introduced himself, offering his hand at you.

This wasn’t the same man people talked about you soon realized. And from then on, he was nothing but kind and grateful towards you.

That night after moving Arthur to one of the couches, Tommy walked you home. Explaining to you all about the betting shop, the Garrison and asking you questions about the telegrams. You soon started the be part of the blinders as an informant of things that might have interested them. You were able to get cigarettes and booze for free with Polly and Esme, and hang with them at the Garrison private booth.

As part of their close circle, Tommy constantly asked you for help, not only sending telegrams or getting information, somehow you owned some kind of power over him, since he felt comfortable enough around you and ended up sharing some family affairs that were on his mind.

It had been so easy to fall for him, he was kind, smart and genuinely wanted to help his people. But soon you realized Tommy would never see you as something else, deep down he had been hurt by the previous woman and he was completely focused on expanding his business, you could only imagine he decided to throw his heart into the cut, you had to accept Tommy would never look at you with interest, that’s why you accepted Joseph shy invitation for a walk, he started to send randoms telegrams that could never be delivered, until he asked if you had a free day.

 

Frustrated of the way the events turned out, you pushed the doors of the Garrison, only to find it empty except for Tommy, who sat at the high bar contemplating an empty glass. Joseph was a good man, but there was no sparkle, no flame, your heart didn’t get excited or went beating like drum.

“Where’s everybody?” You asked taking off your coat.

“I kicked them out.” He confessed proudly.

Unsure of his motives, you asked cautiously: “Do you want company?”

“How many drinks can you have?” He asked with a smirk. “You want to play a game?” Tommy asked pouring himself another drink. “Bet your day was better than mine.”

The glass was empty in a matter of seconds, his hair hair disheveled, as id he had been running his hands through it.

“I dare you, get a bottle, it’s on the house.” Raising his glass towards you, he then added; “was your date good? With Saint-perfect- Joseph?” He was about to down it, but stopped abruptly.

“Tommy...” He pushed another glass in front of you.

“We could play Ibble Dibble.”He smacked his hand on the surface of the bar. “You know that? Number one ibble-dibble, with zero dibble-ibbles calling number two ibble-dibble with no dibble-ibbles...”

Tommy wasn’t the type of man to do something like that, you wondered how many drinks he actually had. He was always so serious, always planning his next move.

“We need more people to play it.” Would he actually allow other people to mark his face with the black dots?

“You just want an excuse to call your boyfriend.” Tommy snorted and took another sip.

“He’s not my boyfriend Tommy, can we please stop talking about him?”

“No? What’s stopping him?”

There was no use to explain him that. Trying to avoid the subject, you poured yourself some whiskey, frustrated with yourself for ruining such an opportunity with a decent man over someone who wouldn’t look at you twice.

“Mhh?” He found your reflection in the mirror behind the bottles. You were wearing your hair half up, and a lipstick you used on important celebrations, were you really in love with that Joseph?

“Does he make you laugh?”

“What?” You asked surprised, your head snapping in a sharp movement.

 Did he really said that out loud? Shit.

Turning your head to him, Tommy was already looking at you.

“Should we get you home now?” You asked trying to avoid the real answer.

Pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers, Tommy thought perhaps it was for the best, if he kept drinking this way, alcohol would make him start speaking and he would be damned if he admitted his feelings for you, you were a good woman and deserved better.

He wasn’t sure of the exact moment when he stared to notice your smile, or the way you placed your hand on your hips while listening to his instructions, but the feeling started to grow naturally, he felt attracted for the way you smiled or the way you said his name. The way you saw things.

Somehow you made him forget about the woman who hurt him in the past, slowly, a little bit more each day with your company and your charm, but ye was scared of hurting such a pure soul.

“Cat got your tongue?” You asked as the two of you finally reached the door, it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, he just seemed so lost in thoughts.

Tommy blinked a couple of times, lost of words, the room starting to spin a bit. Woah.

You moved around his house as if it was yours, helping him down you noticed the kettle was ready, so you hurried back to the couch to give him the cup, he would get a terrible headache the following morning, so you placed a bucket on the floor and covered him with one of the coats hanging from the rack.

“Alright, you’re going to regret it tomorrow, but I think you’re all set Tommy.”

Where you officially the save-a-drunk-Shelby?

“Wait.” You thought he would be sleep by now, but he offered you his hand and you took a seat in front of him. “Did you let him kiss you?” You shook your head. “Would you let me kiss you, Y/N?”

The question made your heart skip a beat, his blue eyes seemed clearer suddenly.

“Tommy you’re drunk.”But he silenced you with a finger on your lips, his gaze dancing from your mouth to your eyes and back.

“There’s not a single drunkard that would swallow fire, I’m totally aware of what I’m doing.”

“Oh really? And what exactly are you doing?” You smiled suddenly realizing he pretended to be wasted just to get you to help him.

“What I should’ve done a while ago.”

His hand moved to the back of your head to pull you down towards his lips, they were soft and moved slowly against yours, exploring gently the unknown territory. Not even in his wildest dreams would beat this moment, as your hand came to rest on his jaw.

“How many Ibble Dibbles can you see?” You asked in a whisper after pulling away.

“Not enough.” There was a cocky smile starting to form right before he leaned on his elbow to kiss you one more time. “What did you do to me?” He asked not even waiting for an answer.

Your lips on him felt a thousand times stronger than a glass of whiskey. It was an intoxicating feeling he couldn’t get enough of.

After kissing for what felt like an eternity, Tommy touched your forehead with his, eyes studying your features as his thumb outlined your lower lip.

“I’m drunk on you.”

Sometimes, taking a small risk brings back something bigger.

***

A/N: Drinking game mentioned is Ibble Dibble

Tag list: @lyarr24 @gretelshelby @cloudofdisney @gypsy-girl-08 @cillmequick @zablife @esposadomd @forgottenpeakywriter @onlydeadcells @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @elenavampire21 @lespendy @stevie75 @moral-terpitude @shelbydelrey @cutecurly-hair @the-forest-witchh @strayrockette

If you want to be added to my tag list, let me know 💕

[quindolyn]

subby Jamie fluffy (Smut?) where he wakes up in the middle of the night and sucks on the readers titties to drink from her tits because she's lactating after giving birth to their daughter. I don't know if this makes sense but I hope it does!

Lactation Kink || James Potter

A/N: I'm not even sure if I should include "kink" but I will admit that there are some very smutty overtones so read at your own discretion. I tweaked the request a little bit in terms of the circumstances but the bones are still there. I hope you enjoy.

Warnings: lactation kink, light sub!James and Dom!reader, not much I don't think, all acts are completely consensual and if they needed a safe word they'd have one

Word Count: 1851

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were life savers. They could only watch their two closest friends creep closer and closer to death for so long before doing something about it.

After giving birth to a beautiful baby boy seven months ago you and James had come to understand a new definition of the word exhaustion. You were absolutely enamoured with your baby boy, James the same way if not worse, always keeping him cradled in his arms, Harry’s little head nestled into the crook of James’ arm.

Regardless, there is no amount of parental love to counteract the complete lack of sleep the two of you have endured. “Sleep when the baby sleeps��� they all say, it's excellent in theory if only the baby would actually sleep.

No, instead you and James were subject to months of newborn induced insomnia,

You’d barely understood what Remus and Sirius were saying when they offered to watch your son for a few days, give you and James some time alone. Even though every part of your being screamed for you to take them up on their offer there was that small, annoyingly persistent, voice in the back of your head. The voice of maternal guilt.

Your friends wouldn’t hear any of your arguments, listening as you insisted that Harry was still far too young for you to leave him, you could barely stand a few hours, how were you supposed to survive days?

Despite your insistence that it was far too early to leave Harry with his godfathers for an extended weekend when the following Thursday rolled around you and James were rather unceremoniously kicked out of your own house, told that reservations had been made for you at an expensive spa and resort and that you were not to return home until the following Monday.

They’d even packed your bags for you.

You and James had successfully made it through the first night away from your baby, your quality of your sleep however was not up to par as you tossed and turned, worrying about the little boy you’d left at home.

Even cuddled up to Jamie’s chest your sleep was more like a light sheet over your consciousness giving you a shallow, unsatisfactory, reprieve.

What you needed was for sleep to hit you over the head with a baseball bat, knock you unconscious for hours and give your body time to recover.

After a long, exhausting day of taking advantage of the resort's numerous spa treatments, your wish of deep, meaningful sleep seemed as though it might actually just come true.

Minutes after laying your head down on the pillow, James slipping into bed behind you, you were out cold. Pulling you closer so that he could bury his face in the crook of your neck James was close behind you.

Finally, sleep.

-----

Your tits hurt, they fucking hurt. You were finally getting some quality sleep but the discomfort in your chest became intolerable and you were lulled back into a dreaded state of consciousness.

You’d been so ready for sleep and the peace that it would bring that you’d forgotten to pump your milk before getting into bed. You find yourself regretting that decision now, you shift slightly in James’ hold, just as tight as it had been when you’d fallen asleep. The clock on the bedside table reads three in the morning.

Fuck me, you think, your thoughts still blurry from sleep, carrying a weight in your temples that lures your head back down to the pillow as you fall back into your spot in James’ arms. You’re going to have to get up eventually, that much you understand, but the prospect of getting up and finding the pump, hooking it up, then actually sitting there while you pump sounds nothing short of absolutely dreadful.

You can only lay there for so long, on your back so as not to apply any pressure to your breasts, staring up at the ceiling before your tits go from hurting to feeling like they’re about to explode.

Eventually you’re forced to begin to fuss in James’ arms, trying to find the seal that will let you get up hopefully without waking your husband.

Even asleep James’ grip is insistent, he’s like quick sand, the more you try to maneuver your way out of his arms the tighter his hold gets, the closer he pulls you to him.

“Jamie, you gotta let go,” You murmur, hoping to appeal to the half asleep man.

“Where you going, angel?” His voice is the crashing of a wave against the shore in your ears, low, rumbling, calming. That voice alone is enough to have you considering just climbing back into bed with him, exploding tits be damned.

“Forgot to pump Jamie, m’tits feel like they’re ready to explode.”

He flickers his eyes open, worry etched into his irises, already blanketed in sleep, “Hurting?” Raising his head his eyes drop to your tits, like maybe he’ll be able to see your affliction.

“A little bit,” You nod, your hands combing through his unruly curls before making another attempt to rise from the mattress, “Gonna pump and then I’ll feel all better. I’ll be quick.”

“No,” He whines, god you miss the sound of his whine. His arms are like steel as he pulls you firmly back onto the bed, “M’thirsty anyways.”

Confusion heightens in you before James turns you so you’re fully on your back before slipping under your arm, resting his head on your chest.

Nimble fingers find the neckline of the silk camisole you’d found in the luggage Remus and Sirius had packed for you, sons of bitches also packed every single pair of lacy panties you own.

With little difficulty he slips the thin strap down your shoulder allowing him to tuck the soft material of the top under your breast.

“Miss my girls,” He whispers as he bares your breasts, they’re swollen with milk but the way he’s looking at you you’d think they were something far more precious.

“I’ll be gentle,” His promise comes just as he latches onto your pert nipple, carefully guarding his teeth with his lips, the last thing he would wanna do is hurt you.

It bears little resemblance to the way he used to suck your tits, fervently like they were the only things keeping him grounded, sometimes they had been. Now he proceeds with a new sense of caution but that doesn’t mean it’s any less pleasurable.

“Jamesie, ‘s for Harry, you can’t drink the baby’s milk,” You regrettably push him off your tit, he looks anything but pleased.

“They were mine first,” He whines, throwing you a dirty glance that falls completely flat given the immense adoration that lies just behind it, “And I told you (Y/N), ‘m thirsty, want your milk. Wanna make you feel good.”

Giving you his most convincing puppy dog eyes he leans back in, he latches on efficiently and sucking with an increased vigor you feel a feeling of fullness swell in your breast as your nipple tingles. It’s a feeling you’ve gotten used to but so rarely has it ever turned you on as when James is the cause of it.

He hums in satisfaction as the warm milk seeps into his mouth, it encourages him in his efforts causing him to latch on tighter. A little too tight.

“Easy there baby,” You hiss, “M’tits are sensitive.”’

He complies immediately, loosening his lips around your nipple the sensation becomes pleasurable once more. The pleasure helps distract from the discomfort which, at least in the tit James it latched onto, seems to be dwindling. The other breast is left aching until you feel a similar sensation coming from your nipple.

“You’re leaking.”

Casting your eyes downward you see that he’s right, you’re leaking slightly out of your unattended nipple. It's not unusual for it to happen but usually you just brush it away with a warm washcloth, not wanting to have a sticky mess on your chest.

Carefully, he brushes the pad of his thumb over the over sensitive bud.

“Can’t let it go to waste,” He brings his thumb to his mouth to suck it clean, the visual is almost enough to make your head spin.

You can’t remember the last time you saw James subby, ever since you’ve had Harry it's been sleepy handjobs and once you fully recovered, him pushing you up anywhere he could and taking you right there. It’s like parenthood awoke something far more dominant inside of him but as he latches back onto your tit you’re reminded how beautiful he is when he submits to you.

You wrap your arms around his neck, letting your fingers dance along the nape of his neck as you feel yourself unwinding with every second he sucks at your tit, bringing you relief.

“You full yet?”

He gently lets your tit slide from his mouth before responding, “Does it still hurt?”

The genuine concern in his voice has butterflies erupting in your stomach, you learned a long time ago just how sweet and caring James is but sometimes it hits you harder than you were expecting and you’re left feeling just as giddy as you did in the beginning of your relationship.

James seems to have sucked you dry, or at least to a point where your tit no longer burns with the feeling of an impending explosion.

“No s’all better baby, did such a good job,” You guide his face up towards yours, “Got a little milk on your lips,” You lean in, kissing the milk off his swollen lips.

It’s sweeter than you expected but maybe everything was sweeter coming off his lips.

You take your time admiring his face, hazel eyes that look a little more brown than they did yesterday, lips an impossible pink. Thick, long lashes you remember envying for as long as you’ve known each other cast their shadows along his cheekbones. He’s perfect.

You run the pad of your thumb along his bottom lip before letting him suck it into his mouth, when he couldn’t get to your tits sucking on your fingers always used to help James calm down. For the life of you you can’t remember the last time he’d sucked on your fingers. If it’d been in the last seven months you’d probably just been too tired to remember.

Letting your digit slide from his mouth James hauls himself over you, careful not to brush against your breasts, to lay on your other side. He moves with a surprising grace considering just minutes ago he’d been in the throws of sleep, you’d forgotten how well he moved.

“Other one now,” He murmurs, eyes glued to your tit as his hands move to cup it, giving him better access to your nipple.

“You sure baby? I can just pump this one and you can go back to bed, s’okay.”

“No,” His brows furrow with his empathic response, if he wasn’t already on top of you you’re sure he’d pull you closer in fear that you might escape, “Mine.”

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[accustiv-archived]

beau lets kit speak, of federal agents and missing bodies, of prison, of being better off without casper in their lives. he doesn’t interrupt, doesn’t offer any insight, just watches their face carefully, wondering how much longer they’d be able to lie to themselves before they snap again. he’s never gone to ground so hard for so long, a few months here and there, a difficult and frustrating year right out of prison where he was the straightest laced citizen in the world, but never hiding, never keeping out of the game indefinitely in a tiny house with nothing to do. horribly, he realises, he feels sorry for kit. he knows that their business with casper is over, as they had put it themselves, they had both gotten what they wanted, and the line was drawn. one in prison, one presumed dead. beau also knows that he doesn’t much factor into the cinematic ending, the sun sets on the ghost and the chameleon, the credits roll, and no one wonders what happened to the boy who had battled between them for so long. there’s no epilogue for him, and that’s what’s brought him there, a selfish, histrionic desperation to have some part of the narrative, even for just one more moment. he doesn’t answer them. he could live the rest of his life never being betrayed, or used, again, but that didn’t mean it would be better for him. some of the thrill had gone out of working, the dazzle had dimmed, and he was lonelier out there than he had been since he was twenty years old. so, instead of finding the words to agree with them, instead of pretending, just as they did, that it was fine, he shrugged, a non-committal hum passing through his lips. 

“ perhaps. ” he concedes, eventually, eyes still fixed on kit’s face. “ certainly nice not to be looking over my shoulder all the time. ” except that it just made everything so boring, he could avoid the cops, he could lie to his clients, but there was something exciting about knowing kit harris was watching him, that casper reid was calculating something. he doesn’t say that. “ i told him not to fuck with you, and now look where we ended up. ” the smile on his face is almost nostalgic, “ don’t look so miserable, do what i did, ” his hand twitches, as if he’s going to touch them, but he thinks better of it. “ use this time to think about what you’re going to do when you’re yourself again. ”

Kit doesn't like to admit how miserable they've been this whole time, sitting with their thoughts and going stir crazy. They've got enough money to last them the rest of their life. They could go anywhere in the world, be anyone they want, but it's nearly impossible when your face is known. Even as someone that's as good as becoming someone else as they are, well, they're paranoid. One wrong move, one wrong word could land them in prison, rotting until they die. Kit Harris does not do well being caged like an animal. It wouldn't end well for anyone.

They let out a sharp laugh, shrug as they take a sip of their water. "Well, you can blame Casper for that. No thanks to him, the FBI has my face. They may think me dead, but there's no way for them to know for sure because my body wasn't found in the rubble of the mine. Of course. Last I heard about Casper, he's in prison again..not as long this time. That's likely why you haven't seen nor heard from him." The last time they saw Casper was bittersweet, and they don't expect they'll ever see him again.

Kit hates that that bothers them so much. They spent over half their life with him in some capacity. It's no small thing. Part of them, perhaps, still loves him, and always will.

They glance over at Beau, shaking their head. "Look at us, lamenting over a man who's fucked us over more than once. Aren't we better off now? Now that we don't have to think about him?"

[writefasttalkevenfaster]

Dancing With Our Hands Tied (Part Two)

Series: Undercover Hotch fic/series™

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader 

Word Count: 4,408 | Rated: T | Warnings: swearing, discussion of domestic abuse, possibly compromising positions(?), an almost kiss

Tropes: bedsharing, fake married, mutual pining

Chapter Summary: after holding hotch's hand for a few minutes, it wouldn't be a problem to hold it for most of the morning? because now the retreat gimmicks begin as the two of you search for information while dealing with the events.

A/N: sorry for the delay on part two -- had some family things going on this month <3. look out for part three :) Thank you to @bucky-of-the-opera for always letting me bounce ideas off of her and generally being amazing.

“Where do we start?”

The retreat lodge was larger than you imagined — with sprawling grounds that weren't just limited to the main lodging area where the couples stayed — but extended beyond to woods, hiking trails, and beyond. Hell, you glanced out the window at a nearby mountain, you wouldn’t be surprised if they owned a mountain as well.

“I have no idea,” you murmur, your arm intertwined with Hotch’s, as the two of you stepped into the lobby for the patented mix-and-mingle with the other couples before breakfast. Not only mind-numbing, soul-churning mingling — but with other couples with marital issues -- exactly what every vacation needs, “this place doesn’t seem big on technology — I haven’t seen a single computer or cellphone,”

“The front desk only has paper logs,” he shakes his head, “I asked about the lack of technology in the rooms. A noted policy of no tech — including the employees. I don’t think we are even allowed our cellphones after this breakfast.”

You scan the couples beginning to shuffle down now, “If there’s no tech here, where do you think they keep their guest and employee files?”

“I don’t think breakfast is ready yet, sweetheart,” he replies, as your gaze snaps to his cheeks burning, as you realize a couple approaching your six, “but I’m sure you won’t have to wait too much longer,”

“I’m right there with you,” the husband winks at you, his stomach shaking as he laughs even before he jokes, “if I don’t eat soon, I’m going to lose one of my only reasons for coming to this place,”

And something tells you it isn’t much of a joke either.

“But not the reason for coming here, isn’t that right, dear?” his wife assumedly smiles at you, icily, “Molly Chapman. It’s a pleasure to meet you, and you are?”

You introduce yourself, forcing a straight face on as you manage to say your alias, offering your hand, “This is my husband, Thomas,” as Hotch introduces himself to Molly’s husband, Harry, who claps your boss on the shoulder.

“So,” Harry leans in, almost clandestinely, “what are you two in for?”

“Harry!” Molly chastises him, but her eyes hook onto your expressions, her lips pursed in disapproval if only to hide her smile.

“Well, if it helps, me and the missus here need some help communicating,” he crosses his arms, shaking his head, “never learned much about that growing up,” and he elbows Hotch, “but I’m sure you can relate — we’re practically in the same generation,” And you nearly snort, trying and failing to hide your smile — which Hotch notes, as you see him shoot a small glare your way.

Harry and Molly don’t notice, too busy reprimanding her husband again, before she sighs, pinching at the bridge of her nose, “It’s just as well, we are all going to find out about each other’s problems anyway,”

And you furrow your brow, “I saw group therapy on the itinerary — is it mandatory?”

“It is,” Molly nods, “Dr. Rosen, the therapist who helped design the program, insisted on it — otherwise it would just be a vacation, not a couples retreat,” and she raises an eyebrow, “didn’t you read that in the paperwork when you signed up?”

“I did most of the paperwork,” Hotch intercedes, his fingers intertwining with yours, “my love here was busy wrapping up some loose ends for work so I ended up taking the lead on it,”

“Oh well now I know what’s wrong with you two,” Harry chuckles, as Molly elbows him again, half-heartedly, as he gestures to you, coffee in hand, “you wear the pants in the relationship, got that one wrapped around your finger, now don’t you? Not surprising, with the age gap and all--” as he looks you up and down, winking at Hotch, as you gape at him, “nicely done, sir.”

Your blood begins to boil, several insults picked out and fine-tuned on your tongue as you open your mouth, “Well—”

“We’re working on it,” Hotch clears his throat, jerking his head toward the now ready breakfast buffet, “Harry, it looks like—”

“Food’s on!” and he’s scurrying away to the table, as his wife follows suit, giving both of you a nod, as you glare at his retreating back.

“Food fucking saved his life,” and your eyes slide back to Hotch, as he gestures for you to head over to the breakfast table, “and so did you,”

“Well, I figured you murdering someone on our first day here would attract some unwelcome attention,” he steers you away from the direction of the Chapmans, his hand now slipping around your waist, and you do your best to ignore the flip of your heart, focusing on the fancy finger foods the retreat put out for breakfast, until you feel Hotch’s fingers drum on the small of your back, “do you see that?”

You glance at him, following his gaze until your eyes fall on a door that says ‘Employees’ Only’ around the corner, the manager slipping through the door, locking it behind him. You glance away nonchalantly, helping yourself to some mini-breakfast sandwiches and some fruit, “Do you think they keep the employee files?”

“Maybe,” he breathes in your ear, as he reaches over your shoulder to grab some food, making you shiver at the closeness, “but how do we—”

“Welcome!” a voice booms from the foyer, sweeping arms as he steps forward cutting through the dining room, “Please everyone take a seat. Help yourself to some breakfast.”

You both make your way to a table, and Hotch pulls out your chair for you, giving a small smile, as he takes his seat beside you.

“I hope you all are beginning to get to know each other, but that is not all you will be getting to know today,” he clasps his hands, he bared his teeth with his fake white smile, “I am Richard Rosen, and I will be guiding you through your time during this six-week retreat, where you are not only going to learn about our facilities, about mindfulness, and about yourselves,” his eyes scan the crowd smiling, “you’re going to learn about each other.'

Oh, how wonderful.

You had read up about this guy last night — went to Harvard — Harvard College in Indiana, and got his certification in Psychology after four weeks of surely intense training. After that, he opened his own practice in New York City, which folded after several complaints ranging from sexual harassment to fraud. Unfortunately for his clients (and fortunately for him), there wasn’t enough evidence to get his lack-luster certification yanked. He then moved from city to city, learning from his mistakes, and never stuck to the same city for long enough for someone to catch onto his treatment packaged charade. Until eventually, he settled upon White Mountains Retreat, where he was allowed to stay in one place, but with a revolving door of patients.

He was one of your suspects — no record, but had easy access to the couples, and intimate knowledge of their relationships.

"But our time will begin together tomorrow,” he beams at all of you, “Right now, I'm going to pass it over to the man who you will be coordinating your incredibly list of daily activities during your stay here — the man responsible for all the wonderful memories you will make — Mr. Brock Hillen," Rosen steps aside, welcoming Hillen to take over, and he doesn’t wait a beat, checking his watch before disappearing down a hall.

“Where’d he go?” you murmur, and Hotch shakes his head.

“I don’t know,” Hotch murmurs, lips barely moving, “but do you see that?”

And you spot cuts on Brock’s arms before he tugs the sleeve of his shirt down to cover it, “Could be consistent with causing those injuries our victims,”

And Brock Hillen was no less suspicious than Rosen — with a criminal record to match. With two charges of domestic assault, Hillen already had a history of violence with his ex-wife, but since she divorced him, he has had no other charges. Yet, because of his record, he went job to job, until he found himself as the Activities Coordinator of White Mountain. Could it be that his rage over his wife leaving him led to the murders? Maybe something in the last few weeks that triggered it.

“Hello all!” he greets, holding his arms out, his fake blonde hair nearly blinding under the bright light of the chandelier that hangs above him, “thank you Richard, for that all too kind introduction,” he begins his spheal on the healing nature of the resort, the efforts of his team in coordinating the next six weeks for them, and you begin to lose interest around his third sentence with the word “enchant” in it.

And your eyes can’t help but slide to Hotch a moment, whose arm rests on your lower back still, the metal of his watch gently pressed against your shirt, and you swear his thumb brushes against your spine. You almost want to brush it away, his touch is so gentle, so sweet, so intentional, but it wasn’t — it wasn’t.

“For our first event,” and now you’re blinking back to Brock — to the reason you were here — to catch a killer, “I’m going to have you do one of the very things that Richard mentioned — an activity that will allow you to you learn more about yourselves and each other,” and he gestures around you, “as well as the grounds themselves,” Other employees start handing the couples a clipboard, “your task will be to get each of your stamps from around the retreat — this obviously includes our grounds and other facilities, including our spa, chapel, gardens, and so on.”

“Seems like a perfect opportunity to look around,” you murmur — as Hotch takes the clipboard, flipping through the scavenger hunt -- at least there wasn’t some cheesy shtick to this activity.

“To symbolize the journey you all will be embarking on together as couples, you must complete the task hand-in-hand,” Brock brings his two hands together, “please, there will be staff all over the facilities, if you need a hint, feel free to ask, and I will be here as well to provide any assistance,” he gestures to employees behind the couples, “now, at the sound of the gong—”

At the sound of the what—

And then a loud crash fills the air, rattling your eardrums, making you jump, “Take each other’s hand, and begin!”

Couples begin scattering about, pulling each other along — you spot Molly dragging Harry away from the breakfast table.

And Hotch rises beside you, offering you his hand, clipboard in his other hand, “Ready?”

You glance from him to his hand.

Probably not, but— your fingers intertwine with his, his calloused fingers warm, and the cool metal of his band brushing against your skin—

“Ready.”

What other choice did you have?

~~~

“How many more do we have?” So far, the first few stamps have taken you all around the other facilities — the spa, the garden, the sauna — but none inside the retreat center itself. Not a single one had given you a change to find where the files were kept in this place.

“Two more left,” he murmurs, “I assume the last one will take us back into the main building, so the other must be—”

“At the chapel,” you glance at the map of the place you were handed by an employee who took pity on you two after you had wandered around the grounds — completely lost, “at least we don’t have to bother figuring out the riddles now,”

“You mean you don’t need to bother,” you shake your head, “i’m sorry, I’m just—”

“Are you okay?” he asks, as the two of you stroll towards the chapel, everyone else out of earshot, “the first day can be—”

“No, it’s not that,” you look around the grounds, and you resist the urge to flex your fingers, but he notices you tense — and you know he would drop your hand but he can’t, so he steps away a little, “It’s not you—”

“But it’s you?” he chuckles, as you bite your lip, “I know it’s a lot,” he sighs, as you two reach the chapel, a relatively small building built on top of a hill. It’s a white marble building, its one spire splitting the sky above it asunder, practically gleaming in the sunlight. The double mahogany doors are drawn open for the couples, another just leaving as you two arrive. You watch him stare up at the chapel, “it is for me too.”

You frown, as the employees at the entrance greet you, and direct you to sit near the front together for a few minutes — to take solace in the quiet before you receive your stamp. Hotch hands them the clipboard as you both wander down the aisle together.

The aisles are lined with white pews, light streaming through beautiful stained glass windows. Your footsteps echoed against the stone floor. You step and sit into the pew beside Hotch, sitting back a moment. The chapel itself had no denomination — it was clear it was made for the sake of religious and non-religious functions — likely an intentional choice not to exclude any religion or atheists for that matter.

After all, money was money in their eyes.

You two are quiet a moment, your hands still interlaced for the sake of the employees still watching the two of you, “I think for me,” your voice low, “it’s just weird to be this close with anyone,”

“You mean physically or?” you shrug.

“It’s part of it — it has been a while since I’ve shared a bed with someone,” you purse your lips, “but like you said, it’s hard for me to let someone see me, like all of me,” and you glance at him, “and it’s hard when you’re literally the leader of a team of, you know.”

“I know,” he leans against the back of the pew, “it’s impossible to hide things from the team even when when we don’t spend every minute with them, and now that we’re spending the all of the next six weeks together--”

“There won’t be much we can do to hide,” you nod, looking down at the floor.

And that was what scared you the most.

The employees hand you back the clipboard at that moment, excusing you both back, and the two of you step out of the chapel, “I just want you to know,” you say, as the two of you reach the bottom of the hill, “you don’t have to hide anything from me,” and he raises an eyebrow, as you add, “if you don’t want to.”

“Do most people hide anything because they really want to?”

“No I meant,” you chew your lip, “This is probably hard for you, and I don’t want to act like I know what you’re going through — I don’t,” you would never deign to think you knew what it was like to lose your the love of your life, your best friend, and mother of your child in one fell swoop, “but you don’t have to pretend,” not with me, you want to add, but you don’t — you can’t.

He blinks a moment, eyebrows raising only for a millisecond, before he sighs, “It’s easier to pretend,” he presses his lips together, as another couple approaches, “and that’s what we’re here to do,” and he begins to walk forward, gently pulling you along, as your cheeks burn, your head fixed on the ground, until he adds, “but I appreciate it,” and you meet his gaze, several emotions in his eyes, before he tears it away, “thank you.”

You don’t get to respond, as the two of you step inside to find only most of the couples still hadn’t returned yet — still collecting the last of the stamps, and most of the staff floating around the grounds to corral and nudge stragglers along. And their absence left an opportunity.

So you glance around, before tugging a distracted Hotch along, wandering around a corner, “What—”

And you grab him by the shoulder, pinning him to the wall, cheeks burning all the while, not daring to meet his gaze, but its just the same because you hear the small gasp of your name that leaves his lips in a whisper, and his body tenses against your palm.

You lean up closer, before slowly craning your neck around the corner, “We’re a couple at a retreat looking to sneak away,” you murmur, lips barely moving, as you lean closer, nose brushing his neck — god he smells good — but you refuse to let your lips brush against his skin, “or that’s what it will look like to anyone.”

His tenseness melts away, and he’s pliable to your touch, as your fingers graze his neck now, your thumb resting against his cheek, as he stares down at you — so adoringly as you tug him by the shirt away from the wall, following you with such ease.

You’re next to the employees only door — your fingers reach for the knob, turning — “It’s locked,” you murmur, and his brow furrows, as you cup his cheek, guiding his gaze to the lock.

And he’s spinning you around gently so that you’re pressed to the wall, your breath catching in your throat, as he looms over you, his fingers cupping your chin. His arm around your back, pulling your lower half close to him, but he’s holding the door knob in place while he tries to pick it with his other hand.

Your cheeks burn as he looks down on you, his gaze freezing you in place, far too close — his breath warming your lips, taking the breath from your lungs and replacing your blood with lava. And you can see so clearly — the cut of his jaw, the soft lines of his face, and the curve of his lips—

And then the lock clicks open.

He’s turning the knob, as you spare one glance over your shoulder to see if anyone sees either of you, but then the door is shutting behind you. You feel the wall for a light switch, and you flick it on, while you hear the click of the door locking again.

And you blink, a glorified break room — a few tables and a basic refrigerator stuck in the corner, a worn couch stuck against a wall, and a sink stuck in the corner with a subpar dish rack — far from the accolades that were in each guest’s room — but then again, the employees weren’t paying through the nose for the rooms.

You two stay close, as your eyes scan for anything that could be a camera — even one that isn’t obvious — placed in a smoke detector or lamp shade, “No cameras,” he pulls away, and you try to swallow the lump in your throat, tucking away the embarrassment to dwell on another time (likely right before when you’re trying to sleep).

But then again, the guests weren’t the ones working 18 hour shifts on their feet.

Hotch calls for you, pointing towards a few file drawers stuck in the corner, and the two of you head over, running your finger down the label on the drawers, “These are all client records — administrative, financial — nothing on the employees.”

“They must keep the employee records somewhere else that employees don’t have access to,” and you’re rifling through the folders, for something — anything.

“I haven’t seen any other employee areas,” you shut the drawers, and then you glance around, your eyes falling on another door in the corner of the room — “unless—”

“It must be Rosen and Hillen’s offices,” you walk over, reading the placard — Administration Offices, “locked?”

“This isn’t something that can be picked easily,” Hotch shakes his head, “it has a bump guard — it prevents—”

“--lock bumping,” and Hotch looks over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow, “I’ll tell you my reason if you you tell me yours,

He snorts, “I learned it sometime between 6th grade and military school,” and it’s your turn to raise your eyebrows, “my father — he—”

“You don’t have to—” you shake your head, “unless you want to—”

“I’ll just say, it wasn’t a good childhood,” he raises to his feet.

And you can’t help but give a small smile, “But look at how well you turned out,” and he’s shaking his head, shrugging his shoulders, “Hotch,” you make him meet your gaze, “you’re a good man — don’t doubt that.”

His eyes meet yours again, warm, as he looks away to the floor for a moment, the corners of his lips twitching, “Thank you,” he breathes, and he’s stepping forward, “I—”

And then the doorknob is jiggling. Your heads snap to the door, before looking back to each other.

Shit.

Before you know it, his wrist is around yours, and he’s tugging you to the couch, as you fall backwards onto the soft cushions. He’s halfway kneeling between your legs, his body draped over you, and he’s leaning closer, murmuring an apology as he lips draw close to yours, “Hotch—”

And then the door is opening, as his lips nearly brush yours, “Hey!”

An employee stares at the both of you, as you both stumble to your feet, adjusting your clothes, “This is employees only — what are you—”

“Sorry!” you yelp, jumping to your feet, “so sorry,” and you brush past them, Hotch following at your heels.

And the two of you find your way back to the lobby, your heart still in your throat, as you tug on your clothes, “Thanks for the —” your cheeks burn, “I mean, good thinking—” you shake your head, "you know what I mean."

He snorts, his fingers finding yours again, giving them a slight squeeze, "Anytime," and your heart oh-so-helpfully skips a beat, tongue-tied, but luckily you don't have to response as Hotch glances at you, "you never did tell me how you learned about lock picking."

You shrug, “I have a checkered past,”

“That’s not much of an answer,” and you shoot him a half-smile.

“I have to keep you interested somehow don’t I?” you reply right as Brock begins to speak again.

The event wraps up with another talk from Brock — who has an employee approach him towards the end of his talk, whispering in his ear, and he nods, waving him off, “and one last thing — I know you all came to rejuvenate your marriages and partnerships through this retreat and we fully encourage you to do so but—” you swallow thickly, realizing just which employee must have whispered in his ear right then, “please refrain from doing so in restricted areas that are not for our guests.”

You cannot even bear to look at Hotch, keeping your gaze straight ahead, grabbing a drink on the tray, and sipping at it — and you wondered if you were masking your mortification well.

Probably fucking not.

~~~

Brock then adjourns them for the rest of the day — not wanting to “overwhelm them” on day one (or rather padding their time here with nothingness) — welcoming them to have their meal in the dining facilities or up in the rooms.

Most people head off to their rooms, while others linger in the lobby — chatting amongst themselves — he spots Harry rushing off to the dining facilities, his wife in tow.

The rest of the day goes off without much to-do. Hotch glances around — not a single thing of note learned about the guests or the staff. The other couples are all sociable to some extent — some more reserved than others, but none of them fit the unsub’s types so far — placing you two directly in the paths of the unsub.

By the time it’s time for bed, his body is aching for nothing but sleep — and it looked like you had the same idea. Already slipped under the covers, you’re curled up, half-asleep as your eyes flutter heavy with sleep.

Neither of you felt the need to stand guard in the room — the doors were securely locked for each of the couples, and the team was monitoring the situation at the local precinct. But you both kept your weapons close by — concealed in case someone happened to find their way in.

“Are you asleep?” Hotch whispers, and you mumble, shaking your head, turning to glance at him — your shoulders tense and brow furrowed.

“Is something going on?”

And he shakes his head, “No, sorry,” and you relax back in bed, but your lips still pursed, “I just hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable earlier,” and you tilt your head — and he almost smiles at your sleep-induced confusion.

“Earlier?” and then it floods back to you — as you blink, glancing away from him, “oh—”

He shakes his head, “I just don’t want you to think I was—”

“Hotch, I know you weren’t,” you slowly sit up, “if you hadn’t done that, I think we would have been on our way home on our first day,” you chuckle, “and I know you wouldn’t take advantage — especially when we have a job to do.”

Right, a job, he chides himself, It was a job.

“If you want to sleep—”

“I’m not having this conversation again,” you yawn, turning around and getting comfortable again, “good night, Hotch.”

And he looks at you, a small sigh parting his lips — until he finally settles in bed beside you.

His arm resting across his forehead, he glances at you again. He had spent so much of today holding your hand, his fingers nearly flexing at the memory. It had been so long since he had held someone’s hand, so long since he had worn a ring on his finger, so long since he called someone his partner.

It felt so nice.

Nice — not only because he hadn’t realized how much he had missed having someone, someone beside him, someone there — but because —

Because it was you.

And he knew that because — he didn’t want to let go of your hand.

[sunkissedpages]

instead of you [part eighteen]

pairing: [best friend’s brother] tom holland x college!reader

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either.

warnings: swearing, mentions of +sex

word count: 2k

series masterlist

“Sam and I will take the bunk beds.”

The room was a decent size. It was definitely bigger than Sam’s dad had made it sound. A large window on the back wall flooded the space with natural light and offered a view of the city below. By the door was a small fridge and a countertop with a sink and a couple of burners built in so that guests could cook their own meals. There was a queen sized bed jutting out from the western-facing wall and built into the adjacent wall were two twin-sized bunks, one on top of the other, making the room feel... cozy.

Harry and Tom traded looks with each other.

“Kidding.”

The boys visibly relaxed and chuckled awkwardly.

“If I ever have to share a bed with Tom again it’ll be too soon,” Harry sighed.

“Is that any way to treat your big brother?” Tom scoffed.

“I’m taller than you.”

“For now.”

“The fuck’s that supposed to mean? You’re twenty-five, you’re done growing.”

Tom shrugged. “Yeah, but I could always make you shorter.”

“Oh, what are you going to do, cut my legs off?” Harry challenged.

“I never said that.”

“Jesus Christ guys,” Sam said, finally cutting in. “Can we not threaten each other until we’ve had at least a few hours of sleep?”

“Whatever,” his twin grumbled, kicking off his shoes by the door.

Tom slung his backpack onto the top bunk and pulled his sweatshirt off over his head, exposing a strip of his stomach in the process. You looked away instinctively, hoping that you hadn’t drawn any attention to yourself while doing so.

“You always get the top bunk,” Harry whined.

“Yeah, because I’m older.”

“That’s not fair!”

“My brothers are actually ten years old,” Sam explained to you, raising his voice so that you could hear him over the bickering.

“No, I think ten-year-olds know how to take turns,” you said dismissively, not missing the glares from the other two Hollands.

“You’re right,” Sam agreed. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and sighed. “Reminds me of the family vacations we used to take. The six of us used to share one hotel room when we traveled.”

“Four boys... I don’t know how your mom did it.”

“None of us do.”

“I thought we were going to sleep,” Harry muttered from where he was already laying down on the bottom bunk, clearly irritated.

“Give us a minute to settle in, dude,” Sam shot back before dropping into a whisper. “It’s going to be a long week.”

You shook your head, putting your hands on his shoulders. “Everyone’s just cranky because they’re tired,” you reasoned. “We’ll get some sleep and then grab some food and then maybe they’ll be in a better mood.”

“You don’t know them like I do,” Sam warned.

“That’s true, but won’t they tone it down since I’m here?”

Sam snorted. “Wishful thinking.”

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever, I’m going to hop in the shower. I feel gross after being on a plane for so long.”

“I’ll go after you,” Sam replied with a nod. “Let me know if you need anything.”

You thanked him with a kiss under the watchful eyes of his brothers who both groaned in protest.

“Oh, fuck off,” Sam growled against your lips.

“By the way, sharing a bed doesn’t mean you get to mess around because I don’t want to hear that shit.”

“Harry!” Sam and Tom shouted, Tom going as far as throwing a pillow at his younger brother from the top bunk.

“Just being honest! We heard you going at it like rabbits when you had your own room, and I didn’t say anything about it then-”

“Harry.” To your surprise, it was Tom who cut him off, raising another pillow in warning. Thankfully, Harry took the hint that time and shut up, crossing his arms over his chest in annoyance.

You smiled to yourself with the knowledge that your little Easy A stunt had worked, and looked over to see that Sam was wearing a matching smirk. He winked at you before turning to glare at his brothers.

“On that note, I’m going to shower,” you said, mostly to Sam, and made your way over to where you had dropped your suitcase by the door.

You gathered a set of pajamas to change into and then wandered into the bathroom, quietly closing the door behind you. It was one of those rolling doors so you had to be extra careful not to knock it off its hinges or the track and cause even more noise than necessary. You set your change of clothes on the counter next to the sink and began to undress, leaving your worn clothes on the floor.

The shower was kept in a room separate from the room with the sink and vanity, something you had read was common for Japanese washrooms. Inside the second room was a bathtub with a complicated looking panel next to it. With a closer inspection you determined it was used to fill the bath with water and customize the temperature. The showerhead was secured to the wall just to the side of the tub which meant you would have to hold it while you showered, but you didn’t mind. You were used to holding the showerhead for... other reasons.

Your shower was quick. You didn’t want to take too long when you knew other people were waiting for it. You were drained too. Even as you dried yourself off with a towel you could feel your arms start to get heavier.

You wrapped your hair in your towel and put on your pajamas shortly after, trying not to cringe at the way the fabric clung to your still-damp body. Usually you wouldn’t get dressed in the bathroom right after taking a shower because it was always so humid and sticky, you’d go out in the bedroom to do it, but as Sam’s girlfriend the latter wasn’t an option. So you dealt with the discomfort and ventured back into the main room.

It was dark now. Someone, you assumed Sam, had pulled the blackout curtains shut so that the daylight could no longer stream through the window. Harry was already fast asleep, but Tom and Sam were still awake, scrolling through their phones on their respective sides of the room.

Sam was perched on top of your bed, resting comfortably. He wasn’t underneath the covers, probably because he knew you didn’t like to share a bed with someone who hadn’t showered.

He smiled when he saw you and pushed himself up onto his elbows.

“Shower’s all yours,” you said.

“Thanks.”

You watched him rifle through his suitcase for pajamas and then eventually disappear into the bathroom before finally flinging yourself onto the bed. You still needed to take your hair out of the towel and brush your teeth, but you took a moment to just. Lay there.

Tom didn’t acknowledge you, hadn’t so much as looked at you since you came out of the bathroom, but you still found yourself looking over to him.

At the airport he had seemed at least a little concerned that he would have to share a room with you. Even in the cab to the hotel he kept sneaking glances at you when he thought you weren’t paying attention. But now he looked completely relaxed and you were second guessing yourself. Maybe you’d been projecting. Maybe he hadn’t been anxious at all.

You, on the other hand, felt like you hadn’t been able to exhale since Dom had announced that you’d be sharing a room with Sam’s brothers.

It had dawned on you as soon as you stepped into the hotel room that you’d never be able to let your guard down. Before this point you had at least been able to take breaks, retreat to your hotel room with Sam and be yourselves without worrying that one of his family members was around. You hadn’t needed to keep up the act 24/7, but now you had no other choice. It was only for a week, but you knew it was going to be exhausting. You weren’t even sure that your current performance was believable, and that was without all of the more intimate interactions couples had in private. The good night kisses, the cuddling in bed together, falling asleep in each other's arms, the good morning kisses, all things you’d have to take into consideration. Most couples you knew moved in harmony, like they were one person, half of a whole. You and Sam were more like the hands on a clock. You were always moving in the same direction, and once in a while you’d overlap, but more often than not you were facing each other on completely opposite sides of the clock. It was what made you such good friends. Best friends. But what would make you terrible lovers.

To be fair, a lot of people misunderstood your dynamic, which you had been using to your advantage. They assumed that since you were always together you were basically the same person- and they weren’t necessarily wrong. You and Sam spent a majority of your time together. You knew each other well enough to finish each other’s sentences, to voice aloud what the other was thinking before they even said it.

The vibration of your phone next to you disrupted your train of thought. It was a text from Sam.

Can you come here rq? I need help lol.

Confused, you pushed back the covers and stood up. You dropped your phone back on the bed and walked over to the bathroom, keenly aware of the way Tom stiffened in his bed.

You rolled back the door and found Sam standing in his boxers next to the tub.

“What is it?” you asked, shutting the door behind you.

“How did you figure out the shower? I can’t get the water to be hot.”

“This is what you called me in here for?” you said, exasperation dripping from your voice.

“Yes! I don’t want to take a cold shower.” He said it like it should’ve been obvious.

“Did you try messing with the knobs? That’s how I figured it out.”

Sam’s cheeks turned a faint shade of pink as he pursed his lips, thinking about how to answer.

“Not all of them,” he admitted.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Sorry?”

“It’s the one on the left, dumbass,” you said and twisted the knob for him.

“Thanks,” he mumbled sheepishly. “I just didn’t want to fuck up the shower or anything.”

Men, you thought to yourself shaking your head.

“I’m going to bed,” you told him. “Before your brothers think I’m in here giving you head or something.”

“Let them think what they want,” he said, shrugging it off.

“I want to preserve what little amount of respect they have for me, thanks.”

Sam just chuckled and thanked you again as you let yourself out into the room with the sink. While you were there you hung up your wet towel and brushed your teeth with your finger and the toothpaste the hotel provided. You were too lazy to go get your toothbrush out of your bag.

“That was fast.”

You jumped, hand racing to your heart when you realized it was just Tom. He was still in his bed, but had rolled onto one side so that he could talk to you.

“You scared the shit out of me!” you hissed.

“Sorry.” He didn’t sound very sorry. “What did my brother want?”

God damn it, Sam.

“Why do you ask?”

Tom shrugged. “Just wondering.”

“He needed help figuring out the shower,” you explained.

“Glad he has you for that.”

You narrowed your eyes at the boy in the top bunk. He was trying to get under your skin. Why?

The ball was in your court. You could be the bigger person and let it go, or-

“He has me for a lot of things.” You pushed your tongue against your cheek so that there was a visible outline and brought your fist up to your mouth, moving it back and forth subtly so that he’d get the idea without being too obscene. “But you already knew that, didn’t you?"

lmk what you think i always appreciate feedback!!

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[spidernerdsblog]

Hi! I’d like to request a Tom imagine where he becomes distant and not the same Tom you knew before so when you lay in bed on opposite side facing different directions, you start to silently sob and he doesn’t notice. It goes on for a couple of nights and you leave early in the morning but one day Tom wakes up and sees the tear stained pillow and feels awful because he’s been so cold to the reader. Thanks :))

False God

A/N : This took me forever apologies for that. Based on the song ‘false god’ by TS. Hope you like this.

Pairing : Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings : angst 

Everything seemed perfect until it wasn’t. Your rather happy and prosperous life was crumbling in front of your eyes and you didn’t know what to do. A rift has been forming between you and Tom and it is getting wider day by day. 

Since the day Tom has returned from filming he has been acting distant. Your long late night conversations where he used to pour his heart out to sharing each and every thing that happened with him while he was away has come down to bare minimum only if it's necessary. His hugs no longer had the warmth you were familiar with; neither were his kisses. It felt forced and deliberate.

You knew that being in a relationship with a world known actor like Tom would be tough. He is always travelling to different places around the world to make more movies but never you’d imagine that distance would become the weak point of your relationship. Everybody had warned you about times like this when the distance between you would feel way too much as if you don’t know the person anymore. It made you question your decisions, maybe it was crazy of you to rush into a relationship. The promises you made to be there for each other now feels stupid and childish.

After finishing all your daily chores you headed to your shared bedroom. Tom was already in bed glancing at the ceiling lost in his own thoughts as you walked to your side of the bed and laid down. Everything was so still only the shallow breathing of yours could be heard the silence cutting to your core. You tried to take the initiative and went to wrap your arms around him and snuggle close as you always used to do. 

“Not tonight baby I’m tired” to your surprise Tom pushed you away with a hint irritation in his voice as he turned to his side facing his back to you. You retracted your hands in guilt of coming off as clingy. You turn to your side as you sob silently, the fact that you were so close to each other but it felt he was out of your reach.

You hoped that things would get better, maybe he needed some space but it just got worse for you. It looked like he was avoiding you as he spent most of the time outside of the house. Is this what everybody warned you about? The guy who used to follow you around like a lovesick fool suddenly you feel you have become an eye sore for him. But still you wanted to hold on to the last straw. You were blinded by the faith in him and the love you had that made you keep your hopes alive that this shall pass and soon he come running back to you.

You didn’t want to give up so easily as you tried to make him talk to you about whatever it was bothering him but he was always cold and resilient about it.

“Hey hon let's go out for dinner tonight what do you say?” you ask thinking that you both needed to blow of some steam and enjoy.

“Nah I'm good babe” he turns down your offer plainly engrossed in watching whatever was playing on the TV while sitting on the couch.

“Oh ok” you say gloomily as you turn to go back to your room when you hear his phone ring.

“Hey Haz what's up mate?” Tom sounded cheerful as he talked to his best friend.

“At the pub? Yeah sure why not. I'll be there by seven” he confirms before hanging up the phone.

That hurted you immensely has your relationship come to this where he’d rather not go out spend a little time with you. Has his dislike for you gone to that extent? you thought fighting back your tears. The last blow came when the other day you accidentally overheard him while he was in the study speaking to someone on his phone.

“No I can’t do this anymore. I’m fucking tired!” Tom said with distaste in his voice.

That was it you couldn’t bear to hear anymore as you ran to your bedroom with tears in your eyes. You sat on the bed as your eyes went to the framed photographs of you and Tom as memories flashed in front of your eyes. You looked so happy around each other everything seemed so perfect but now he is tired of you. You are no more his favorite thing to look at. If it is so then why pretend? If he’s eventually gonna break your heart why not get it done already you don’t want to be a burden in someone’s life.

With these thoughts you cried yourself to sleep only wishing if this was a bad dream and once you wake up you will find yourself in his arms. 

Next day you woke up early in the morning to find Tom sleeping next to you peacefully, a loose curl falling over his eye. A smile formed on your face as you went to brush it off but stopped when the memory of last night returned back to you. You felt suffocated as the air in the room felt heavy. You wanted to scream and vent out everything you had inside you, you just want an answer to why is he acting like this? What was your fault?

Your head started to ache and after a lot of thought you decided to go for a walk and get some fresh air to clear your head.

Tom stirs in his sleep and turns around on his side, his hand reaching out to pull you closer out of habit but he is met with thin air. He pats around your side of the bed with his eyes still closed to find the sheets cold. His eyes shoot open realizing you weren’t there as he sits up.

“Y/N” he calls out, rubbing his eyes. His eyes went to your pillow, the fabric of the pillow case covered with wet blotches as realization dawned upon him. You were crying and he was the reason behind your tears. 

“Shit..” he was overcome with guilt and slid off the bed.

“Y/N! Y/N!” Tom called out to you rushing down the stairs but you weren’t in the living room

“Love, where are you?” he frantically searched everywhere for you in the house but you were nowhere to be found. He dropped down on the couch letting out a deep sigh in regret. He himself knew that he had been distant to you for a reason that he cannot say to you which was eating him up from inside. He hurt you to the extent that now you are gone. He had no idea what to do now, where to go and find you. He was about to call Harry when the front door unlocked and you walked in with Tessa by your side.

“That was a nice walk isn’t it Tess?” you say catching your breath as you slip off your running shoes when your eyes went to a very devastated Tom.

“Tom are you alright?” you ask with concern. His eyes darted towards you as he stands up and sprints to you engulfing you in his embrace. Oh how much you missed this you thought closing your eyes in content face nuzzled into his chest as you inhaled his faint cologne. You pull away after some time and gazed into his eyes red and puffy. A few tears of joy of seeing you again slipped down them.

“Is everything ok bubs?” you ask him again cradling his face wiping his tears with your thumbs affectionately.

“Where were you?” his voice comes out broken.

“I woke up early so thought to go on a walk with Tess. Plus I was feeling very cooped up in the house so needed some fresh air”

“I-I saw the empty bed then I saw your pillow I-I thought you left, I got so scared Y/N” he sniffled.

“Truth be told I was actually thinking of leaving. I can't live like this anymore, Tom. You and me living under the same roof acting like strangers it’s becoming mentally strenuous for me” you finally vent it out.

“I know- I know I have been a complete jerk to you lately. I was so wrapped up inside my head-”

“It’s ok Tom if you don’t want to be in this relationship anymore just say it I won’t bother you anymore” you say bitterly.

“What are you saying love?” Tom looked at you in disbelief.

“Last night I heard you, Tom, that you’re tired of this, of me. Tom you should have just told me I would have left then and there”

“No that wasn’t what I was talking about” Tom shakes his head dismissively as you tried to stay calm.

“It’s ok Tom people fall out of love I’m not blaming you but you should have told me first instead of telling about it to someone else”

“You don’t understand Y/N. I-I…” he slumps on the couch holding his forehead feeling mentally drained out. You sit beside him holding on to his arm.

“Then make me understand Tom. What is it? Just talk to me baby” you pleaded your hand went to cup his face as you made him look at you.

“Derek, my PR manager wants me to break up with you” he finally lets it out as you gave him a confused and surprised look.

“What? But why?”

“Apparently he thinks our relationship is affecting my social image” he sighs sadly.

“Do you think that too?” you mumble looking down.

“What? No, love. I would never. You are the best thing that has happened to me” he reassures you “Since the day he told me had me so stressed I didn’t know how to handle this whole thing and in that process I pushed you away, I hurt you...” he rambles.   

“But what are you gonna do?”

“Nothing. I told him I can’t do this and I’m tired”

“So you weren’t..?” you looked at him with doubtful eyes.

“Yes honey I was telling him that I can’t do whatever he is asking me to do” he cradles your face with his large palms “I can never get over you, not in this lifetime at least. And I’m sorry I acted like that. Can you forgive me love?” he looks at you with guilt in his eyes. You break into a soft smile as you hold to his hands.

“I can never be angry at you dummy. Just please don't do this again if anything bothers you just talk to me okay?” Tom nods in understanding “I don’t like to see you like this. You mean the world to me you know that right?”

“And so are you to me love. I promise this won't happen again” he says pulling you in his embrace.