#noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo

[concreteburialplot]

Draped Across

pairing: noah x fem!reader x nicholas

masterlist: here | crossposted: ao3 | word count: 2.8k

warnings: established thruple, dom nick. switch noah, sub brat reader, spanking, degrading?, brat taming, cuckolding??, noah being nick's little helper, nick is so angry he doesn't speak?, piv (unprotected). creampie, porn without plot?, oral (f recieving), contactless orgasm? kinda?, cute tooth-rotting aftercare/sub space, the boys love cringey petnames here SORRY in advance, noah is obedient for once in his fucking life, 18+ MDNI

summary: you act up and end up draped over noah's lap while nick uses you :)

a/n; i rarely do porn w/o plot or really anything this short, but i just needed to get this out. pls enjoy 💗 [as with anything i write involving nick this got really grossly soft at the end I'M SORRY]

Your sassy mouth and disobedient behavior had landed you draped across Noah’s lap with your shorts and panties drawn down around your thighs.

His large hand lands a smack hard on the meat of your ass sending a sizzling jolt of pain up your spine causing you to buck up a bit. His spanks always hurt the worst with the size of his hand.

Nicholas had grown silent from his seething, knowing that if he said anything it would be out of line, so he let Noah take over for him.

“Now, you’ve really upset him, flower.” Noah uses his favorite nickname for you in a sweet but patronizing tone.

Noah roughly shoves your shorts further down your legs until Nick all but rips them off your body. His hand lands another smack on your ass followed by a hard grip that helps to pull your cheeks apart. His slender fingers slither between your legs, parting your lips.

Faster than you can process, Nick uses his boot to spread your feet apart, baring you open for him completely.

Noah’s fingertips linger by your near dripping entrance, “Oh what’s wrong did that make you wetter? Having your pretty pussy on display for him?”

You whine and squirm in his lap, knowing that his words were embarrassingly true.

Another hard smack causes you to yelp, “I asked you a question. Now answer me,” His fingertips circling your entrance, putting the slightest pressure to tease. “Are you such a little slut that you get off on being on display for us?”

“Grrh, yes.” You admit a small defeat and buck your hips up towards his fingers. “Yes, I like being on display for you.”

Noah’s middle and ring fingers dip inside you, just the tips though, gently scissoring you open. Your eyes widen knowing exactly what that meant.

The sharp sound of zipper rings from behind you, filling the room.

Noah fingertips spread your pussy open as much as it would allow. You hear Nicholas spit, followed the squelching of his hand around his cock.

Fear and anticipation pools in your tummy for the delicious burn his cock would bring.

His large, swollen tip slides between your folds and you shudder at his size. Butterflies unleash in your belly when he grazes your buzzing clit.

You wiggle around Noah’s lap both in excitement and terror, earning you another hard smack with his free hand. “Stay fucking still.” He demands, then harshly grasping your hip to stabilize you. “Be good and take it.”

A loud gasp leaves your mouth when you feel Nick press into you, stretching you around his cock. You hiss at the sting of it. He takes his time just getting into you but not much after, using his full force to dive straight into you. A sharp cry leaves your mouth when his tip lands hard into the deepest part of you. The direct impact into your core shoots pain up through your stomach; your eyes screw closed and suck in a harsh breath through your teeth.

Your whole body stills when you feel a pair of hands that aren’t Noah’s snake around your hips. The feeling of it simultaneously soothes and frightens you. Nick’s thumbs rub circles into the divots of your lower back. He’s angry with you, you know. But the small gesture grounds you a bit.

He pulls from you almost completely before landing hard into you again and starts building momentum rutting in and out of you. The pain of the stretch slowly melts away the more you adjust to him and you’re able to savor in him filling you entirely. It’s hard to even clench around his girth.

“Fuck.” You mutter out and his hands curl into your hips sternly, holding you firmly in place as he nearly splits you in half.

Noah gently tucks a chunk of hair behind your ear, “You take him so well.”

Rosy pink coats your cheeks at his compliment.

Noah’s length had been poking at your tummy the whole time you’d been on his lap but now he very subtly readjusts beneath you to let his own cock free. He lets it rest in the dip of your waist, just enjoying the movement of your entire body being fucked in his lap.

His fingers find their way back between your legs, his index and middle parting around Nicholas, just feeling where he enters you. You hear a groan rumble in Noah’s chest and feel his member throb and bounce against your exposed skin. He loves feeling him fucking you, getting some sort of twisted pleasure in being deprived of both of you.

“Now, say you’re sorry for being a disobedient little brat.” Noah commands.

You whine and wriggle in his lap keeping your mouth shut. As with most times, you wanted to see how far you could push their buttons.

“I said, say you’re sorry.” Another hard smack lands on your ass from Noah, this one harder than before. “Now you’re gonna have to count.”

You knew better than to not comply to that demand.

“One.”

“We’re still not hearing the words I asked.”

Another smack.

“Two.”

The burn of it lets you know that your ass is definitely bright red by now – which explains Nick’s acceleration, he loves seeing marks on you.

Two more hard spanks – Noah’s obviously getting frustrated with you.

“Three – ah – four.” You hiss.

A hand firmly and swiftly wraps your hair around his fist – with the veraciousness of it you know it’s Nicholas. While the gesture is painful and jarring, it releases a flurry of butterflies in your core. Your back arches up to Nick as much as it can.

“Don’t make him ask.” Noah warns with another smack.

You could defy Noah all day, easy, but Nicholas makes you weaker and breaks you down faster.

“Ah – fuck.” You suck in a breath. “Fuck, fine, I’m sorry!”

Noah glances up at Nick verifying if he’s satisfied with your answer although he already knows the response.

“Not good enough. Try again.” Noah’s hand grasps your hip to readjust you into a firmer position. “And you missed one, start over.” Followed by a new first spank.

“Fuck.” You mutter, the sting on your ass beginning to cross your pain threshold – but not quite enough yet. “One.”

Another, this one prickling tears in your eyes.

“Fuck!” You yelp. “Two.”

“I said, try again.”

Another, this one being the hardest and most painful one yet, definitely leaving a hand-shaped bruise.

“Ah! Three! Fuck!” You cry. “I’m sorry!”

Noah’s sizable hand gently rubs over the marks forming across your cheeks. “For what babydoll?” He pries.

“For being disobedient!” Tears welling in your eyes.

You feel his hand lift and hover over you again. “Don’t make me ask again.”

“Gah – fuck, fine – I’m sorry for being a disobedient little brat!” You repeat back the full statement with your voice cracking.

“Good girl.” He hums. The praise makes your heart swell. He again tucks your hair behind your ear, noticing the tears streaming down your face. “Oh, what’s wrong darling? Can’t handle the punishment for your behavior?”

His mean words worsen the buzzing in your clit and the ceased spanking lets you focus on Nick’s fat cock destroying you.

“Mmm.” You moan involuntarily.

“Oh,” Noah smirks, his fingers finding where Nick meets you again. “Or is it his big fucking cock spreading you open that’s making you cry?”

“Mhm.” You hum, reveling in the burn of it.

“Here let me help.” His fingers wrapping around the base of Nick’s cock and even with the added size of Noah’s fist, Nick is still able to reach into your deepest point. Noah’s cock bouncing against your waist tells you that he likes that fact as much as you do.

Nick seems to love the extra stimulation too, his thrusts getting viciously fast, fucking you dizzy.

“I know, it’s so much, isn’t it?” He mutters, seemingly entranced with the size as well.

“Uh huh.” You pathetically spit out, your body just a vessel for their pleasure.

Noah pushes your hair to the other side of your neck with his free hand. “Tell me baby, who’s little slut are you?” He asks. “Who do you belong to?”

“F-fuck.” You’re so turned on and so wet that you feel like the slightest pressure on your clit could unravel you. “You.”

His fingers unwrap from Nick and glide down through your folds, halting just before your bud.

“Wrong.”

Your eyes widen realizing your mistake when the fingers around your hips dig into your hipbone painfully.

“Fuck – His.”

“Oh baby, c’mon, you know better than that. Who owns your pretty pussy hm? Who do you belong to?”

“Nick!”

“Good girl.” He praises, his fingertips now grazing your clit. “Again. Louder.”

“Nick.” You moan out louder than before, this time coming from your chest, between heaving breaths.

“Good girl.” He repeats with his fingers beginning tight circles into your swollen nub. “Louder. Again.”

A tight knot begins to form in your tummy, the feeling of being just a plaything to them sets your skin ablaze. “Nick!”

“Louder, c’mon you can be louder than that. You know he loves it when you scream.”

“Fuck! - Nick! Nick!”

Noah’s fingers speed up alongside of Nick’s thrusts. His momentum getting quick and sloppy, clearly just as close as you.

“Nick. Nick. Nick.” You mindlessly repeat with your head so fuzzy and full of him that he’s all you could think of.

“That’s it baby, just like that.” Noah spits down on his own member, still just getting stimulation from your fucked body moving against him. “He’s close, you just gotta wait, okay? Can you do that?”

You nod, still just repeating his name like a prayer, the brink of your orgasm clearing your mind of anything else.

Finally, Nick groans deeply and lands hard in you with his cock twitching, painting your walls white and filling you completely.

“Okay baby, let go for us, will you?” Noah doesn’t even finish his statement before you’re blinded by your own orgasm.

Screams and curses of Nick’s name rip from your throat as euphoria washes over you, your skin buzzing as Nick continues to fuck you through his climax.

Whiny, desperate moans tumble from Noah’s lips as you feel his warm cum splay all over your back, completely hands free.

You fall limp across Noah’s lap, your breathing in sync with each other. While Noah was in control this session, it’s always Nicholas behind the wheel.

He belongs to him as much as you do.

There’s a bit of an exchange between them you can’t quite make out since you’re still coming down from your high but all you feel is them moving you around like a ragdoll. Suddenly you realize you’re now draped across Nick’s lap.

“Knees.” He instructs Noah, the first thing he’d said this whole time.

Noah obeys, landing on his knees behind your dripping core.

“Clean her up.”

Your eyes widen at his words and almost instantly his tongue brushes through your folds and dips into your entrance.

“Good boy.”

Noah hums happily against you at the praise.

Nick’s fingers tracing through your hair tenderly. “You did so good angel. Did you learn your lesson?”

“Mhm.”  

You’re torn between humming and melting into his touch or releasing the moan building in your tummy. Noah seemingly enjoys his task, eating you like he’s been starving for a lifetime, practically sucking Nick’s cum right out of you.

“I know he hurt you quite a bit didn’t he bunny?” He asks quietly, just loud enough for you to hear. His voice is soft and gentle, much different than how he was just talking to Noah or anything he would’ve said if he had spoken while he was inside of you.

You begin to nod but hiss in pain when Noah’s tongue grazes the base of your entrance where Nick stretched you out the most. Noah pauses for a second before pressing his lips to the sensitive area.

“Maybe we should go wash up huh? Get you guys in a nice warm bath.” Nick’s hand finds your cheek to support your head. “Does that sound good?”

“Mhm.” You hum tiredly and nuzzle into his palm.

“Okay. When he’s done, we’ll get you both nice and clean. Maybe put an ice pack on your pretty, red ass?”

“Please.”

“You both did so good for me. Noah did a good job taking control didn’t he?” Nick asks.

“Mhm.” You nod with a lazy smile, barely able to keep your eyes open as the chemical rush begins to crash and take its toll on you.

Once Noah finishes cleaning you up, Nick carries you over to a large corner bathtub. Noah takes the initiative to start filling the tub at a good temperature. He even takes a scoop of bath salts with dried rose petals and spreads them across the filling tub to help with the pain.

“You want some bubbles bunny?” Nick asks Noah sweetly. The nickname directed at him this time makes his cheeks turn bubblegum pink. “Or maybe a bath bomb?”

He nods quickly at the bath bomb suggestion, very clearly slipping into a deep sub space of his own.

Nicholas gently places you in the tub while Noah goes to a container filled with bath supplies. He returns with a blue spaceship cupped in both hands, the edges of it bubble and fizz in his palms since his hands were still wet from testing the water.

“Good choice.” Nick beams at him and gestures to the tub. “C’mon, don’t let it fizz all in your hands.” He teases.

Noah excitedly gets in the tub but slow enough to not disturb you. Nick nods when Noah goes to ask if he’s allowed to set it down yet.

The spaceship sizzles in the warm water and spins slowly in the waves. Dark blue, purple, pink, and even a bit of shimmery gold start to fizzle out from the ship soon staining the water a dark galaxy.

Nick sits at the edge of the tub with just his legs in the water with you nestled between them. While soaking, he carefully washes and conditions your hair. His fingers skillfully comb through your locks, gently breaking up any knots. Once he’s washed out all the soap he moves to your scalp, softly massaging it as you rest your head on his thigh. You hum in contentment.

Once he’s made sure you’re satisfied, he moves on to Noah, taking his long hair between his hands just as he did with yours.

Your eyelids are heavy as you watch Noah pick three rubber duckies – one pink, one yellow, one blue – from the edge of the tub and precariously place them into the water. His eyes are soft and mesmerized as he watches them spin alongside the drifting bath bomb remnants. The twirling colors and duckies lull him into a comforting, hyper-fixated trance. Noah hums against Nick’s thigh, his eyes matching yours in their sleepiness.

The space between you three is quiet but peaceful, comfortable, and full of love.

Nicholas unplugs the tub, and the water begins to drain slowly. If you had anymore fight left in you, you’d push to stay in longer but all you want to do is get nuzzled between your boys in bed.

He brings you both plush towels and helps you dry off. Before you’re able to get dressed, you’re once again across Nick’s lap off the edge of the bed, but this time for a much different reason. He squeezes out some healing gel-cream into the palm of his inked hand and carefully spreads it across your bruised cheeks. The coolness of the cream helps ease and numb the pain. It brings you comfort knowing that while both of them can be quite mean in the moment, they will always be soft with you like this afterwards.

“Does that feel better?” He asks and you nod. “Good.” He smiles softly. “I picked out some PJs for you on the dresser if you wanna bring them over?”

You carefully peel yourself from his lap and bring over the silk PJs. He holds open the shorts for you to step into and helps slip the top over your head. His hands cup your cheeks and tilts your face up to him. “I love you.”

His eyes lean more grey in the dim light of your bedroom. You beam sweetly up at him and nuzzle into his palm. “Love you more.”

Abruptly, Noah pulls himself on his knees to the edge of the bed and throws his lanky arms around both of your necks. “Love you most!”

You giggle at Noah’s silliness and how the squeeze squished you into Nick’s chest. You’d stay squished there forever by them if you could.

Shortly after, you three get cozy in bed – you curled around knocked-out Noah and Nick curled around you. Being smushed between their bodies means that the smell of their mixed colognes cocoons you in your favorite scent. With a deep inhale, you take in the moment. You were exactly where you belong.

No one could ever take away how perfectly you three fit together.

tag list; @darksigns-exe @deathblacksmoke @ladyveronikawrites @blackveilomens @somebodyels3 @shilohrosechicken @th4t-em0-k1d @midnight-eternals @hedonists

a/n; thank you for reading if you did! smut isn’t really my strong suit so i apologize if it wasn't that good 😬 and IM SORRY IT WAS MUSHY AT THE END OKAY………

Thank you for any support you guys ever give me on any of my works, it truly means the world to me that you guys enjoy my words and lil plots.

let me know if you liked it! i love hearing your thoughts

[darksigns-exe]

a gentle touch - nicholas ruffilo x noah sebastian

warnings: none

word count: 808

masterlist | taglist sign-up

It has to be soon. 

Noah is sure that he can’t take much more of this. He’s been dancing around Nick for years now, always trying to shove his feelings to the back of his mind. Everything to keep Nick close. 

He knows everything there is to know about him.  Nick is the first person he texts in the morning and the last person he says goodnight to. And sure, it had taken him a little while to really realise what he’s feeling, but he’s so sure of it now. 

Noah’s been trying to find a good moment to breach the topic, but so far he hasn’t been able to single Nick out for long enough. 

Asking Nick to join him for this stream really was just an excuse to keep him close. And as they wrap things up, an idea pops up in his mind. Nick has been sleeping downstairs on the sofa since he’s been here, and maybe — maybe he can convince him to stay up here tonight. It’s so late already. 

“It’s late, you could just sleep here.” He offers quickly, rushing the words out before his throat can seize up again. 

“You wanna share again?”

Noah shrugs, “Why not. It’s not as if we’ve never slept in the same bed. Also, I think someone spilled half a beer on the sofa.”

He can see the gears turning in Nick’s head before he finally replies, “Fair enough.”

Noah slips into bed, while Nick gets his things from downstairs. He’s admittedly a little nervous to be this close to Nick. He’s still not closer to finding a good moment to tell Nick how he feels, but this is a start. 

Nick comes back a few moments later. Noah scoots as close to the wall as he can, trying to make more space for him. 

They talk for a moment longer, but Noah can’t bring himself to say it yet. 

He’s not sure when he dozes off, but hours later Noah wakes up with something someone warm in front of him. He feels soft skin under his palm and — oh. 

Nick is curled up in front of him. His sleeping form fits so perfectly against Noah. Nick looks so comfortable that he can’t bring himself to disrupt him. 

This is not how he had planned for this to go, but he can’t exactly complain either. 

Nick shifts back against him. 

Noah tries to resist the urge, but he can’t stop his hand from wandering. He feels muscle twitch under his curious fingers. He knows that he should stop. The soft sigh Nick lets out doesn’t exactly help his dilemma. Noah lets the tips of his finger brush against Nick's side, and that seems to be enough to fully rouse him.  

“Noah?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t.” He rushes out, already moving to remove his hand. 

A hand wraps around his wrist, keeping him in place. 

“What if I don’t want you to stop?”

Noah’s hand still immediately.

“Nick.” He almost pleads, “Please don’t play with me.”

“I’ve been waiting for you to make a move for ages.” Nick says quietly, and Noah almost doesn’t believe his ears. 

His arm tightens around him, pulling him closer against his chest. 

“I’ve been trying to find a good moment to tell you.”

“Any moment would have been good.” Nick replies, weaving his fingers between Noah’s, “I almost gave up hope.”

His heart clenches at that. 

He was almost too late. 

Almost. 

“Nicky I —”

“Wait, let me — I want to see you.”

Nick wriggles around in his arms until he can flip over. Noah can’t help but smile at his eagerness. There’s something sweet about it. 

Everything about him is sweet. 

“Will you let me tell you how I feel about you now?”

Nick gives a quick nod. 

Noah shakes his head, “Do you even know how easy it was to fall in love with you? I didn’t even have to look for something. It just happened.”

“You’re in love with me?”

If there weren’t a glint of mischief on Nick's face, he’d be offended. 

“How could I not be?” 

Noah places his hand against the side of Nick’s face. He traces his thumb across his cheek. 

“I’m gonna kiss you now, okay?” Noah asks quietly. 

“Please.”

He leans in then. The moment his lips brush against Nick's, a warmth blooms in his chest.  

Noah thinks that he could kiss him forever. 

He stays as close as possible when they come up for air. Noah can’t possibly tear his gaze away from Nick. Neither of them speak for a long moment. And they don’t need to. The important thing has been said already. 

Nick occasionally steals a quick kiss from him — as if Noah wouldn’t give them willingly. 

“For the record,” Nick starts, “You’re very easy to fall in love with, too.”

taglist: @deathblacksmoke @circle-with-me @sitkowski @ladyveronikawrites @baddestomens

@malice-ov-mercy @chels3a-smile @ferduttini @somebodyels3 @itsafullmoon

@shilohrosechicken @poisongirl616 @mysticdoodlez @agravemisstake @th4t-em0-k1d

@thisbicc @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @mrsnoahsebastian @blackveilomens @sorrowsofsilence

@fadingangelwisp @lma1986 @tosoundlessdarkistare @thisisntablogspost @tintadecirco

@rumoured-whispers @cheyyyyr @mathfairchild1 @thewrstinme @Follow-me-down-to-wonderland

[sitkowski]

the riptide verse [MASTERPOST]

never trust a band that wouldn’t bleed for you, never believe in anyone who wouldn’t drive through the night to you

interconnected fics and drabbles for jolly/folio, nick/noah and matt/zephyer (oc).

divider by @saradika-graphics

◉ jolly & folio ◉

sunshine riptide

heaven's gate

and i'm dizzy on dreams

but only for you

elusive dream

it's just fire alarms and losing you

maybe i'll burn a little brighter tonight

remember us just like this forever

cause we could be immortals

last of the real ones (coming soon)

◉ nick & noah ◉

this delicate balance

twin skeletons

you are my truest feeling yet

favorite record (coming soon)

◉ matt x zephyr ◉

xo

my sanctuary (you're holy to me ) / riptide verse foursome

[deathblacksmoke]

Masterlist: Dramamine

COMPLETE

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Nick Ruffilo

Series Summary: Cynical, brooding bartender Nick meets too-earnest, pretty boy singer Noah when The Rabbit's Foot starts hosting an open mic night.

Content Warnings: angst, pining, self-doubt/self-hatred, oral sex (m receiving), past trauma, mentions of death, minor character death, self-harm/violence, hurt/no comfort, hurt/comfort

title from “dramamine” by modest mouse.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | epilogue

One-shots: the gentlest feeling

Sweet Disposition: prologue

Spotify playlist | Fic tag

[saythatuwill]

i love you (for infinity) ☾☼

The moon God, Nicholas, is looking forward to having a nice night during the full moon. An unexpected visit makes it even better.

this fic is also available on ao3! read it here: i love you (for infinity) ; ao3 version

hello there! my name is sherry, and i am a bad omens/sleep token writer who has mainly only posted their work on ao3, and promoted it on twitter. this is the first fic i'm bringing to tumblr, and i hope you enjoy! ♡ THIS FIC HAS IMPLIED SEXUAL CONTENT. MINORS DNI! ♡

Slow hands emerge themselves in the sparkling waters, the cool temperature almost making them pull back. The waterfall’s effortless melody plays on as it always does, and the moon breathes deeply, in and out, as he basks in the comfortable atmosphere. The evening’s breeze rustles the trees around him, but he does not mind; it’s another instrument in nature’s symphony.

The moon enjoys nights like these more than anything, a time for him to simply be while the world turns naturally. His hands withdraw from the waters and move to the stardust-covered veil on his head. With careful precision, he lifts it up to stare down at his reflection. Those bright eyes of his stare back at him, his eyelashes holding onto flecks of moondust. He knows better than to try to blink it away; it never has worked.

Dark hair frames his face and dangles down, but he doesn’t care. He’s more intent right now on admiring how he looks tonight; his garments blow in the wind and glitter with the crushed bits of stars. His typically soft blue irises have a silver glow to them; it’s to be a full moon tonight on Earth. At last, he doesn’t have to cover his face with this pesky veil, even if only for a night. Being able to appreciate the forest above the center of the Earth for all that it is is a gift in itself.

He rises slowly, and as he does he can hear the chattering and whispers from behind him. He glances over his shoulder and sure enough, a cluster of stars has arrived to spend the evening with him. The moon is used to this, and as he turns it’s evident the stars are as well. They twirl around him and hover around him like an ethereal aura, whispering their greetings and blessings to him. 

“Well, you all know the drill now, don’t you?” He speaks to them and they pause their noises to listen, before coming all together to squeak out their agreements. So he moves through the trees, hovering just above ground with a trail of moondust in his wake until he arrives at his spot. It’s a makeshift area he turned into where he spends his pastime; surrounded by the flora and fauna of these mystical woods. 

The moon steps into the grotto and the stars stay put, knowing that they cannot follow him this far. His presence makes the cave walls glow as he moves further in and prepares himself a cup of sage tea, and as it’s poured into his cup he breathes in the calming aroma. 

He carefully emerges from the grotto and sets the cup and saucer down on a makeshift table surrounded by ferns, jasmines, and violets. Taking a long sip of the sweet smelling tea, he finds himself enjoying the simplicity of life outside sitting amongst the stars in the galaxies. Another easy evening on a full moon, just as all the ones before it.

Then something peeks through the trees. It’s bright, but it’s gone so quickly that the moon isn’t sure if he was hallucinating. Either way, he is vigilant in an instant, setting the cup down on the saucer and looking around. He looks to the stars to see if they had noticed that sudden flash of light too, but they don’t react very much.

Then it’s there again, but this time, it doesn’t vanish. It lingers. The light is similar to the stars he often spends time with, but it’s brighter than any of them. Far, far brighter, and it doesn’t twinkle very much if at all. Tucked behind a small grouping of trees as if hiding but not doing a very good job at it. 

“Show yourself.” The moon, usually soft spoken, speaks with a demand to his tone. He rises from his seat, and instinctively he lowers his veil both to cover his eyes and protectively mask himself. While he can’t determine the level of danger from this bright light, it is better to be safe than sorry.

There’s a brief hesitation before the light floats its way closer to the moon, and then it dims as a figure emerges. In an instant, the hesitation and vigilance vanishes from him, replaced with a light annoyance and surprise.

“You scared me, you know.” The moon huffs as the figure grins at him, stepping closer to lightly pull the veil off of his head again. As much as he wants to fuss about it he doesn’t, letting them do it.

“You never seem to get used to my presence, do you, my moon?” The bright man replies as he grins at his companion, his bright aura flickering for a moment as if having a surge of happiness course through his body.

“Well, if you didn’t have such a bravado about it, sun, perhaps I would get used to it.” The moon cannot help the little chuckle that leaves his lips, bringing his own hands up to the sun’s face. He tenderly touches the golden fabric that acts as his blindfold, lifting it up to expose his amber eyes to him.

Their gazes lock onto each other and that familiar spark courses through their bodies. The gentle and loving smile starts at the moon’s lips, and immediately mirrors itself to the sun’s. If the atmosphere wasn’t already tranquil enough to the moon, it feels as though this has become the most beautiful place in the entire milky way now that they are together.

The sun is the moon’s other half, an ethereal and eternally glowing being in his own right. Short but still wavy brown hair falls into his face, the well crafted headdress nearly falling right off. The symbols of the sun’s rays decorate his cheeks like tears, and it’s only for the moon that he sheds that carefully crafted golden blindfold. His white attire hangs on his body like a sash, the sheer fabric hardly covering his chest, rather wrapping around his shoulders around his lower torso and draping down to his pants of a similar quality. A golden corset-like belt with the symbol of the sun decorates his waist, golden chains fastened on with charms of a similar symbol. The exposed skin of his chest, neck, and under the angel sleeves of his attire show a never ending array of intricate tattoos, as though he is a living kintsugi vase. 

He’s a perfect contrast to the moon in all his glittering glory. Dark hair falls over his shoulders and down his back the same way the cool evening waters did in that waterfall. Those silvery blue eyes glow brighter when he looks at his sun, as if they were always meant to meet like this. His attire covers his shoulders like a shawl, the translucent blue fabric draping down the same way the moon and star charms of his necklaces and belt do. Black tattoos and markings decorate his arms, his chest, and his hands the same, the moon phases on every knuckle. While the sun shines, the moon sparkles. The mix of blues, silvers, and violets of his attire compliment everything the sun is, and vice versa.

“I was hoping I’d see you tonight, Nicholas.” The sun whispers as if what he says is a secret, taking the moon’s hands in his own, pressing warm kisses to both of them. “I’m miserable when you’re not here. Dawn and dusk isn’t enough.”

“I know, Noah. I know.” Nicholas murmurs his response, sighing in resignation. “If the natural order wasn’t so important, trust me. I’d be here with you every moment of every day. But I have to ask, what’s the occasion? Don’t you know how dangerous this is?”

“Oh come on, live a little. No harm in a little danger and risk when it comes to love, right?” With that, Noah moves towards the table his lover had been sitting at, his touch lingering just a moment longer before releasing his hands. “Do you have some of that tea you make?”

“You’ll have to be more specific.” The moon already knew the answer, but it was more amusing to see him struggle to elaborate on something he wasn’t very well versed in.

“Niiiick,” Noah whines at him, knowing the game all too well. “You know the one. The one you make for me, the really good one!” He sits on the makeshift stone stool across from where Nicholas’ spot clearly is, resting his cheek against his hand. 

“I really shouldn’t be offering you tea at all, given how you’re endangering the planet’s natur-”

“The natural order, I know, give me a break just this once. Please?” Then Noah gives him that look, with those irresistible golden eyes of his, and Nicholas knows he can’t win this one. Hell, he never can, not when his partner looks like that.

In no time at all he returns from the grotto once more, setting down a cup of black tea in front of Noah before returning to his own seat. He carefully brings the sage tea to his lips, hooded eyes closing as he embraces the flavor. Noah watches what Nick is doing before echoing his movements in an attempt to seem more elegant than he actually is. It earns him a raised brow from the moon as his eyes open.

“Stop that. You act like you have to pretend around me. Be yourself.” The moon furrows his dark brows, holding the cup in his hands. “You’re hardly poised and quite frankly, I like that about you. Now, you still haven’t answered my question.”

“Sorry,” Noah mutters, setting his cup against the saucer again. It makes a louder clink than he intended, but the moment he goes to apologize again he can feel the staredown. “What was the question again?”

“The reason you’ve come to visit.”

“Ah, right,” the sun folds his arms on the tabletop, “I got lonely, and I missed you.”

“You chose a full moon to miss me?”

“I constantly miss you, Nicholas. Just a little more than usual today is all. Is that so wrong?” Noah frowns at his partner in such a way that makes him look like some sort of sad puppy. Nicholas’ heart clenches in his chest at the sight.

“Never wrong. I miss you, too. And honestly, I can’t think of a better way to spend the full moon than with you. Beats having to look at you through the veil.” Nicholas takes a thoughtful sip of his tea. “If only I’d known you were coming, I would’ve been more prepared. With a meal, or nicer attire or something.”

“You act like you have to impress me. Be yourself. ” Noah throws his words back at him, and the groan he gets in response is enough to make him laugh. “I prefer simple things like this with you. I’m sure we can find something to pass the time. I already have something in mind.”

“If you’re saying what I think you are-”

“Someone’s head is ‘in the gutter’, or however the Earthlings say it.” Followed by a wink that earns him yet another groan, “No, maybe later. I have something else.” 

The sun rises to his feet, taking one long stride to his lover’s side of the table, extending a hand to him. His other arm tucks behind his back, once more attempting to present a little more elegant and regal than he actually is. Nicholas knows what the suggestion is, and with a confused expression, he takes his lover’s hand and stands.

“We don’t have music. How are we meant to do this?”

“Well, I know how much you love my voice. I’ll do my best until we don’t need a tempo. Maybe your friends will help us?” Noah glances to the side, nodding to the stars in a friendly greeting. They immediately erupt into excited chirps, shaking around like little bells as they take their own positions. 

“I think they’re more than happy to. And it’s always a gift to hear that beautiful voice of yours.” Nicholas hums as Noah rests his hand on his waist, their joined hands raising to take a natural waltz position. When Noah begins his melody, it lacks words, but it’s a song nonetheless. The stars jingle to the beat as they figure out what it is, and their dance begins. 

The way they move together is as natural as ocean waves on a beach, and Nicholas swears he could get lost in the sound of Noah’s natural falsetto, or the sight of his intense gaze on him. The moon’s eyes go to close as they usually did during moments like these with him, but they immediately open as Noah’s hand flies from his waist to his cheek.

“Look at me.” The sun whispers, his face so close that his hot breath brushes against the moon’s skin. “Don’t you dare look away.” It’s not a request, it’s almost a command, yet they both know that if it were a request, there would be no refusal.

“Noah…” Their dance has seized, and all the moon can focus on is his lover, and how close their bodies are. Nicholas’ body has always been naturally cold, it came with being what he is, and feeling Noah’s so close has goosebumps crawling along his skin. 

Neither seem to register how they lean in, but Noah is the one to initiate their kiss. While most displays of affection they exchanged were soft and shy, this was a different territory. Desperate. Heated. Almost… hungry. But it’s not unwelcome, god why would it ever be unwelcome, and it’s returned with the same fervor. 

Their lips move together like a unique dance of their own while Noah walks them backwards. His hands roam his lover’s body, every touch feeling like electricity for them both. Their movement only ceases when Nick is against that very stone table, the teacups forgotten about and knocked over by the force. He makes a mental note to tell his sun off for the damages later, but he wouldn’t interrupt this moment for the world.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Noah speaks against his lips, one hand caging his lover in while the other cradles his face. “You put every planet here to shame. Every star, every galaxy beyond what we know, all of it.”

“If you keep talking to me like that, I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.” Nicholas mumbles in return, sitting atop the table without question. He has his hands in the other’s hair, eventually getting so annoyed by that loose golden headdress that he takes it off of him and throws it to the ground. He just wants more, needs him closer, needs whatever comes next.

“Forgot to tell you something,” Noah gasps against his better judgement when the moon tugs at his brown locks to pull him closer. “Eclipse. Solar eclipse. More time together. Don’t need to rush.”

They pull off each other, the sun’s lower lip between Nicholas’ teeth for a gentle tug before they part. The way they’re looking at each other is wild with intense need and unconditional love; pupils blown wide, lips parted as they catch their breath.

“Completely forgot about that.” Nicholas admits, his tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip. “You’re choosing just now to tell me that?” 

“I knew this was gonna happen, just wanted to wait until we got to this point. No better time than now.” Noah laughs through his words, leaning in as far as he can to press his forehead against Nick’s. Their eyes meet, and there’s a brief silence until they’re both chuckling.

“Cheeky as ever,” Nicholas mused, shaking his head. “No better way to spend an eclipse, let alone a full moon. I have no objections.” A hand slides agonizingly slowly to the front of Noah’s corset, pulling at the laces to get it off.

“Shit!” Nicholas hisses out in complaint as his eyes open and he sits up, the pleasant dream having been cut short by the dreaded concept of waking up in the morning.  

“Mmn? Wha’s wrong, b’by…” Noah speaks up from beside him, opening one eye just a crack to just barely glance at his boyfriend. “You good?”

“Yeah. Just was having a good dream is all.” Nicholas sighs, rubbing an eye with his hand in exhaustion yet also irritation. “Was just getting good, too.”

“Mmhmm…” Noah yawns, his body heavy as he moves his head from the pillow to Nick’s chest. “That good, huh?”

“Yeah, we were like,” the bassist yawns, “sun and moon gods or somethin’... and it was an eclipse.”

“Sounds like a badass dream. You’re gonna have t’ tell me more about it when we wake up for real.” Noah responds, letting out a tired chuckle as he shifts to get comfortable. Nicholas instinctively wraps an arm around him, kissing the top of his head. 

“I think I need to draw it too or something. Holy shit, what a dream.” Nick leans his head back down against the pillow, tired eyes fluttering closed again. A blissful sigh escapes his lips, sleep already threatening to swallow him whole.

“What was jus’gettin’ good about it?” Noah asks, his words slurring together the closer he gets to dozing back off.

“We were about to fuck.”

“Of course we were. Freak.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Make me.”

“I will. Later, when I tell you about the dream. Go back to bed, dumbass.” Nicholas chuckles, the sound deep in his throat as he pulls Noah a little closer. The chuckle is returned, albeit almost delirious sounding, as the vocalist wraps his arms around his boyfriend like a teddy bear, their bodies comfortably entwined.

The two drift back off into blissful sleep, and Nicholas is more than content to be with his sun like this. Maybe this simple and sweet reality is just as perfect as his celestial fantasy. After all, they have far more time together than what the natural order of the Earth would allow.

That’s more than enough.

[darksideoftheshipps]

"Old  friends, same disease"

Finally, it's done.

(I ship them. Well, maybe you've already noticed. :))))

[ostdreamseeker]

Hey! Hiii! I would Love to read a small angsty Noah x Nicholas! From bad omens. But it won't just be angst, there will also be some action. Basically the idea would be Nicholas saving Noah after some crazy person stab him on Halloween, taking advantage of the fact that the people are dressed up! I don't know, something that makes it clear how much those two love each other, but that also makes me cry haha.

Let your imagination run wild(?)

PS: I've never made a request before. Sorry.

Alright finally got this one done! Oddly happy with how it came out tbh

•··································•··································•

Stomach Ache

Noah Sebastian x Nicholas Ruffilo (Bad Omens)

Word Count: 1,043

Tags: Violence, blood, injury, general angst

Disclaimer: this is fiction and not intended to be an actual depiction of these people, their actions or their relationships in real life

•··································•··································•

Halloween = Noah’s birthday. 

The whole band tended to make quite a large deal out of it, but no one even came close to how excited Noah got over it. He’d gone through dozens of group outfit ideas with the band, scrambling to think of something as the boys had left him with full decision over what they worse due to it being his special day.

Eventually though, Jolly and Nick ended up being unable to attend for... Some reason Noah forgot almost immediately. It was hard pushed to say he particularly cared for, his beloved boyfriend, Nic, had still promised to spend the whole day and night with him and in all honesty, Noah didn’t need anything else.

Eventually Halloween rolled around, Noah had himself all done up as Kaneki from Tokyo Ghoul and had dressed Nic up too, a more generic ghoul but his whole look complimented Noah’s own. Thankfully, Nic was very much so on board with Noah’s ‘you’re never too old to trick-or-treat’ theory and was quite gladly being dragged down the street, the darkness slowly settling in as the cool but not quite on the nose breeze brushed past the pair. Everyone had been quite pleasant through the night, despite dealing with two very much so grown men trick-or-treating and they had only been recognised by a couple of very polite fans, and not swarmed like they did fear.

They’d amassed quite the haul this evening, Noah slowly picking through the candy and munching on it as they wandered, Nic had needed to move Noah away from several poles that he was about to have a meet and greet with his forehead while being too busy fishing around in the candy bag.  And now they were tired, full of sugar and almost home. They felt like they’d been out all night, even if it was still early compared to the pairs usual sleep schedule. They had plans for just the pair of them tonight, watch some horror movies, have some cake, all just to top of the great Halloween/birthday whombo-combo evening. Thankfully, the last part of the walk home wasn’t too strenuous and the house was already in view.

Nic took his eyes off Noah for one moment.

One moment too long.

He’d just looked away for a second, admiring someone's Halloween decorations in the distance until a blood curdling scream was torn from Noahs lungs and immediately pierced Nic’s ears. Nic’s attention fixated onto Noah immediately, watching him stumble and clutch his stomach, bag of candy immediately lost onto the ground as his body fell into the guitarist’s arms, barely managing to hold himself upright.

“Noah!”

Nic managed to see some masked, knife wielding individual, some horror movie serial killer that he didn’t care for enough to be able to name, running away with an audible cackle, blood dripping from the knife along the sidewalk as he ran, but not enough information to even attempt to file anything for now, not like that would be Nic’s focus anyway. Nic clutched Noah tightly, pressing his hand harder against his stomach wound as the blood seeped through both their fingers. 

“Come on, let’s get you inside.”

Slowly but surely, Nic managed to drag Noah inside, most of his weight resting against his own until they barely managed to make it to the bathroom of their shared house, Noah immediately slumping to the ground beside the bathtub the moment Nic let him go. There were a lot of groans and grunts from Noah, although he seemed to eb holding up surprisingly well. With a melody of sighs, grunts and other stressed and aggravated noises, Nic quickly got to work looking over Noahs injury. He carefully moves Noah’s hand away, despite protests, and slipped his upper clothing off. Thankfully, the wound didn’t run as deep as the amount of blood made it seem. It wouldn’t need stitches but it would need attention, gauze, bandages... Just enough things to make Nic’s head spin.

“Stay there, I’m just getting some things.”

“Nic-”

“Shh. You’re okay.”

Noahs pained puppy dog eyes didn’t bring his heart any resolve, nor did the pained whimpers as he moved away to the first aid cabinet. He was back by his side quickly, wiping his blood from his side and the wound carefully, soon taking some antiseptic cream to the wound site before wrapping it gently. Noah gave many cries of protest and grunts of pain as Nic took to his wound, moving around to suit his needs as he twisted the bandage around his torso. Once Nic was done he sat down next to Noah, pulling him into a side hug carefully.

“You okay?”

Noah nodded, properly examining his stomach now and the amount of blood that was over his hands and now all over Nic. Gods, the bathroom was covered in it, actually. It was almost sickening, thankfully the fact the pain was slowly subsiding helped to bring the nauseous feeling down back to his stomach and not all over the floor. 

“I’m okay...” His breathing was still heavy as he rest his head against Nic, a small tear slipping from the corner of his eye with a soft chuckle. “All thanks to you. Real ass saver, aren’t you?”

Nic couldn’t help but laugh, of course Noah would crack a joke already, just got stabbed, almost bled out on the bathroom floor, him and his boyfriend are both covered in his own blood... yeah, seems like a great time for a joke. Nic just pressed a kiss to his forehead, his own panic and stress seeping from his mind now. The night had been enough for the pair already, Noah would probably be out of commission for a few days now at least, it was a good thing they didn’t have any shows coming up. Nic had already made his decision on the middle of the floor too, he wasn’t going to be leaving Noah’s side any time soon.

“I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Oh peachy, happy birthday to me I guess.” Noah paused for a second before bringing his gaze over to match Nic’s, his bloody hand gently holding his chin and caressing it. “I love you, I don’t say it enough.”

“I love you too.”

[measuredingold]

to be in love and to be loved - the masterlist (semi hiatus)

summary: the story of how naomi and noah fell for each other... and then some.

(and the story of how nicholas loved them the entire time.)

noah x ofc x nicholas

alternate universe where the band still exists but nothing is accurate at all :P

cw/tw: will contain depicts of anxiety/anxiety attacks, alcohol and drug use, sexual content (18+ minors do not interact), and the canon event everyone goes through: sexual identity crisis. will add tags as i go on!

CHAPTERS

chapter one: firsts chapter two: changes chapter three: unexpected chapter four: all i need chapter five: the liars club

[saintveil]

I may end up writing both, but which one would yall prefer to see first?

[concreteburialplot]

Intertwined // 05

-> 05 - Girl Crush*

pairing; noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo

masterlist; here | crossposted; ao3 | word count; 10.3k 😅

warnings; sad lol, dumb boys, mutual masturbation, p0rn, alcohol, peer pressure, vomiting, college!omens, jolly intro, gay panic & very mild gender confusion??, denial is a river in egypt, 18+ MDNI

REMINDER: this is an au where everyone is around the same age, follows no actual timelines/events, and uses oc's for family members.

a/n: don't like it don't read it. don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

-NICHOLAS- 

It had been about a month since Noah moved out completely and was fully living with us. It wasn’t that difficult of a transition since he stayed with us most of the time anyway. He seemed to be finally settling in and getting comfortable, which I was happy about.

Him living in my house wasn’t the only thing that became comfortable - in fact maybe we’d gotten too comfortable. 

That first night weeks ago, where we took care of our morning wood next to each other, wasn’t the last time. It started as that one time thing, then an occasional thing, then finally, a casual thing. Neither one of us seemed to take it seriously, maybe to play off the implications of it. Because what else are you supposed to do when you jack off next to your best friend regularly?

It became so casual, sometimes as if the other wasn’t there.

--

My half-asleep ears fill with the faint sounds of moans, accompanied by restrained groans I recognize. The more I wake I feel movement behind me.

I stir a bit before turning around finding Noah pumping himself under the covers while holding his phone in the other. He jumps a little when I catch him but doesn’t stop. His actions only halt temporarily.

“Sorry if I woke you up.” He says bashfully, baby pink tinting his cheeks.

“It’s fine.” I gulp, my eyes drifting to the obscene noises coming from his phone. “Whatcha watching?”

He shrugs, tilting his phone to me, revealing the most generic looking porn I’ve ever seen. But porn is porn and it makes my already semi-hard dick twitch. “You wanna… watch too?”

My cheeks grow warm at the offer, “Oh, um, I mean, I don’t wanna intrude…” Though, I can’t help my eyes from being glued to the screen.

He shifts a bit and reaches over, setting the phone down between us propped up in a divot of comforter. In the clumsy process, the duvet slides off his lap revealing his cock.

My eyes widen at the sight of him but I immediately divert my attention so that he doesn’t catch me and assume something else.

“Oh sorry.” He blushes and goes to cover himself again but pauses, “Actually, do you mind? I just don’t wanna deal with the mess and-“

“I don’t mind.” I reply faster than intended. I shake my head, “I just don’t wanna… do that. But I don’t care if you do.”

“Cool.” He nods and returns to his previous position with his eyes locked on the screen.

There’s a panicky heartbeat lingering in my chest but the throbbing in my cock takes precedence. I relax a bit beside him and life the duvet higher up on my body, trying to cover as much of myself as possible.

I spit into my hand before dipping it beneath the covers and down around my member, working it out from my shorts. A hiss leaves my mouth at the coldness of my palm but it doesn’t take long for that discomfort to fade.

My eyes begin on the phone, to the blonde woman with large unnaturally perky breasts being railed by some strong man with a big dick, something you’d find on the first page of any porn site. Not my usual cup of tea but whatever, it’s doing something for me right now.

Naturally, my eyes drift and happen to fall on Noah’s cock. His large hand works up and down his member – he’s duo-toned darker at the base and lighter towards the tip, kind of like me just much pinker. I glance between him and the man in the video. He’s smaller than the man, but he’s definitely not small. The video is obviously emphasizing the man’s large size, but he’s still smaller than me, not by much but he is. It makes me wonder if Noah would be impressed by my size.

Why would I think that? What do I care if Noah’s impressed by my dick?

Noah’s probably not even looking at him like that, I’m just weird I guess.

As if on cue, Noah comments.

“I wish my dick was that big.”

Not wanting to stay uncomfortably silent, I nervously chuckle, “Yeah me too.”

“Well, how big are you?” He asks casually.

My eyes nearly pop out of my head. Surely, he doesn’t actually wanna know.

“Oh – oh, I don’t know, but I don’t wanna take the covers off because-“

Noah proposes a solution, “I could feel?”

“I uh – what do you mean?”

“Like, feel it under the covers. So, I can’t see it. That’s what you’re insecure about isn’t it?”

“Um, I, well,” I stutter, trying to think of any sort of appropriate response. I should say no. I shouldn’t want him to do that. But something in me screams that this might be the only time this could happen – not sure why that’s even important. “Um, sure.”

I scooch a little closer to him so it’s easier for him to reach. Unexpectedly, he brings his free hand up to his mouth and spits into it. My eyebrows furrow at the action, not quite understanding why that’s necessary. But when his arm snakes itself under the covers and his hand replaces mine, I’m suddenly not as confused.

My eyes round at the feeling of his hand around me and every muscle in my body tenses when he starts moving.

“Jesus, you’re pretty big.” He says before his hand even reaches my tip.

Suddenly, all the nerves in my body seem to flood to cock and I feel so sensitive under his fingertips. I should be watching the video, but my eyes bounce between his still working on himself and on his other one bobbing under the covers. I can’t tell fully, but it seems like he’s pumping himself faster than before.

His palm reaches the head then slowly slides back down. “You’re so much bigger than me.” His voice seeming casual, but there’s a hint of strain beneath it.

His words and his even faster movements on both of us only worsens the buzzing in my cock.

“Is this okay? I just, I’ve only ever felt my own dick so, I’ve only ever imagined what having a bigger one would feel like.”

“Yeah, yep. It’s fine.” I reply quickly, just trying to maintain my composure.

My chest rises and falls rapidly and my fingers curl into the sheets. A familiar knot forms in the pit of my tummy and the last thing I want to do is cum while he’s touching me. His hand moves on me at the same speed as on his own. His fingertips stride up and down the underside of my length, hitting the sensitive spot beneath my tip every time. My lips press flat together as I try to stave off my orgasm – I don’t want to cum while he’s touching me, but I also don’t want him to stop.

Thankfully he has less stamina than I do.

“Ah, fuck, I’m gonna cum.” He groans, working quickly on himself chasing his climax. “Fuck, fuck!” He whines desperately. His hand doesn’t stop on me while his hips buck up into his hand spurting milky white all over his exposed tummy.

The visual of his cock twitching and spilling cum all over his hand, combined with his high pitched moans and his hand on me catapults me over the edge. “F-Fuck.” I sputter out a strangled groan and scrunch my eyes closed. Before I have time to yank him off of me, my body goes rigid beneath him. The buzzing across my skin seems to all rush into my throbbing cock in Noah’s still moving hand. “O-Oh.” Slips from my mouth just above a whisper while every muscle in my abdomen tightens. I feel myself twitch and spill my own cum into the duvet and all over his hand.

The orgasm nearly blinds my vision and my heart beats so fast I can hear it thumping in my ears. Those couple seconds where it was just me, my racing heart and my throbbing cock, it was pure bliss. Possibly the hardest I’ve ever came before. 

It’s not until I begin to come down that I realize what just happened and that… he worked me fully through my high? 

My eyes shoot open the second I return to earth and feel his hand finally slip off my softening member. For a split second I contemplate if there’s a way for me to get out of this without even looking at him and god I wish there was. 

Fuck

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-” I begin to profusely apologize before he cuts me off. 

He laughs, “It’s okay. I’m sure having someone else’s hand probably feels a lot better than your own. Even if it had been you I probably would’ve came even faster than normal… and you know I already don’t last long as it is.” He chuckles with a light peach tinting his cheeks.

One part of me feels bad that I hadn’t returned the favor, until I remember I didn’t really even want to do this to begin with. Then, another part of me wishes I had returned the favor, maybe I wanted to know the same thing he did - maybe I want to know what another cock would feel like in my hand too. 

“Yeah - um,” I swallow the little saliva I have left in my dry mouth. “Yeah it was nice.” 

He pulls his hand from beneath the covers. “So much for not making a mess.” He laughs. 

My eyes round when I see just how much I had spilt all over his hand. “Yeah, yeah sorry again, I just didn’t think that…” My eyes follow his stare on the milky white mess of mine on his hand. 

His coffee brown eyes snap up to mine and utters out the last words I ever thought he’d say. “Have you ever tasted your own cum?”

I blink blankly at him, completely devoid of words. 

What the fuck

“I-I um, no? Why would I?” 

“I don’t know, curiosity?”

“…Have you?”

“Well, yeah, I wanted to know.” He shrugs. “It was gross, bitter. But,” His eyes flutter back down to his hand. “I’ve obviously never tasted anyone else’s. I wonder if yours tastes different?”

My brain seems to glitch, not fully comprehending his statement. 

“I-I um, I mean, probably.”

“Would it be super weird if I tasted it?”

My brows shoot up at the question. 

But I reply before I’m even sure of my answer. “No, I um, don’t think it would be that weird?” 

And it wouldn’t be, right?

He’s just curious.

Just like he was about my cock. 

“Alright.” His tone much less confident than just seconds ago. 

His dark brown eyes drop to the puddle of my cum on his right hand, just above where his thumb meets his hand. He lifts it tentatively up to his mouth; my eyes can’t help but rotate between his face and his approaching hand. Hesitantly, he darts his pink tongue past his lips to dip the tip of it into the puddle. Unexpectedly, his eyes find mine, snapping me out of my gaze that was locked on his tongue. His mahogany eyes surprise me, with how round and soft they are - so puppy dog-like for a situation such as this. I blink at him and for some reason, seeing him flatten his tongue a bit on the remnants of me makes my cock twitch. He takes a scoop of my orgasm on his tongue and into his mouth. 

“Hm.” He hums, almost sounding pleased, like he was taste-testing wine. “You taste better than me. Sweeter. Must be all those bananas you eat.”

Sweeter

My brows join together, perturbed, “It can’t be that different?”

His boney shoulders raise into a shrug. “You can try mine if you want? To make it even or whatever.” He gestures his left hand up a bit to remind me that his mess remains on that hand too. 

“Oh - I - well -“ I watch his hand gesture towards me again. The turbulence in my tummy reminds me of when someone offers you a gift and out of politeness, you’re supposed to refuse it - but I don’t want to refuse. I want to know.

“Oh c’mon it’s only fair, it’s not that bad.” He urges me, only reaffirming my inability to voice a decline. 

I look down at the back of his hand covered in cloudy white rivers. My fingers gently take hold of his wrist and he lets me take control of his arm without a single ounce of resistance. I bring his hand to my lips and copy his actions - dart my tongue out and meet his eyes. His are just as intrigued as mine were, locked in my tongue. 

The second his cum meets my taste buds, my eyes flutter closed. I’m surprised at the taste, it’s bitter and salty, what I imagine battery acid must taste like. The texture is about what I imagined, thick and slimy. And yet, even with the immediate disgust of it, it makes my cock twitch again. There’s a tingle in my fingertips and on my tongue that urges me to lap up the rest of his orgasm but I fear if I did, I’d be completely hard again. I never thought something as rancid as battery acid would make me hard, but for some reason right now it’s threatening to. 

I’ve never been more grateful for anything more than the duvet on my body right now. 

I half-force a twist in my face at the taste as I pull back from his arm. “Augh, that’s disgusting.” 

He lets out a hearty laugh, “See! Told ya.” 

A nervous chuckle escapes me, “That you did…” 

-Next Day- 

Since landing an apprenticeship at a local tattoo parlor, I don’t see much of either Noah or Folio. While I’m at work after class, they’ve been hanging out at the library in a study group full of people I barely know - people from the frat party a couple weeks ago. 

Today though, I got off my shift early and I’m on a different mission. 

-

My tires screech and the weight of my entire body jerks forward as Stella makes another abrupt stop at a redlight. My hand lands on my dash as a reflex I had gotten far too familiar with.

My tongue passes between my lips before pressing them together and close my eyes through a deep breath. I consider myself a fairly patient person, but if there’s anyone on earth who could get me to snap, it is definitely my sister.

“I told you to start braking 5 million feet ago.” I exhaled with the hopes of Buddha himself coming down and bestowing me with a well-deserved medal of excellent patience.

“Whatever, we still stopped, didn’t we?” She sasses, as she continues to dance to whatever pop song pours through the speakers.

“Yeah, barely.” I grumble, crossing my arms in the passenger seat. “I have no idea how they let you pass your driver’s test.”

“You are so grouchy today.” She glares at me. “What, did the shop bully you again?”

My eyes roll so hard they could’ve fallen out. “No.” I clench my fingers into my palms and stretch them out as overlayed flashbacks of scrubbing every inch of the tattoo parlor flash across my mind. “No, I just cleaned a lot. Fumes. Headache.”

“Right.” She responds unconvinced.

The car takes a sharp turn into a plaza I’ve only ever driven past before and pulls into a parking spot right in front of the destination of my mission.

“We’re here!” She beams, turning the engine off.

We walk up to the small shop snuggled in the tiny strip. The walls look like they were once white, a long, long time ago. Now they’re stained a yellow-y beige with weeds and vines growing across the plaster.

“’Record Store. Plus repairs.’” I read off the giant red letters above the door. “How creative.”

Stella’s elbow sharply jabs into my ribcage. “Ow!” I hiss and recoil away from her. 

“Be nice. Be cool.” She scolds me in a hushed tone.

Whatever the fuck ‘nice and cool’ means to a teenage girl.

A bell trills sharply when she pushes open the glass door. A rush of cold AC blasts against our skin soon as we step into the foyer. 

At the tall reception desk stands a man with lengthy brown hair and a long face. He looks a couple years older than me, at least 23ish.

“Hi Jolly!” Perks Stella almost jumping the second her fingertips meet the glossy wood.

My teeth dig into my bottom lip in an attempt to stifle a giggle when I see the man noticeably deflate the moment he hears the shrill chirp of my sister’s 16-year old voice.

He sets down his pen on whatever paperwork he was working on and turns to us, “Hello Stella.” He greets flatly, with a hint of a foreign accent I can’t place yet.

It’s quite obvious that she comes in here often, more than she’s let on – enough for them to be on a first-name basis.

“Jolly, this is my brother Nick, Nick this is Jolly.” She beams at his name, completely smitten with the older boy. If it wasn’t so obvious that he’s irritated by her mere presence, I’d be more protective of her - but she’s perfectly fine. She’s made sure of that herself.  

“Hey.” I meekly wave at him.

He acknowledges me with a nod and looks back at her. “What’s up.”

“Well, we need your help!” She rocks up and down on her feet with her hands behind her back.

“Great. What is it you need help with?” His fingertips restlessly patter on the table top, impatiently waiting for her to deliver her pitch faster. 

“Go on Nick, show him.” She urges motioning her hand towards him.

I sigh and pull out my phone from my jean’s back pocket, then scroll to find a picture of Noah’s snapped guitar and hand it to the man.

“Could you fix that? Or know someone who could?” I inquire, already feeling as though the trip was hopeless.

His brows pull together as he inspects the picture then uses two fingers to zoom in on the instrument. “Whoever did this really did a number on it.”

“Yeah.” I mumble, scratching the back of my neck. “So, do you think you could fix it?”

“Hmm.” He hums, pulling down his thick-rimmed glasses down his nose. “I can’t say for sure, you’d have to bring it in.”

Air escapes my throat with another sigh, that’s the last thing I wanted to hear. “Okay. I’ll get it in as soon as I can.” Even though I have no idea how I’ll be able to do that without Noah noticing.

He hands me back my phone, “That’s a really rough break.”

“Trust me, I know. Thanks for looking.” My tone suddenly lacking optimism. “And sorry about…” When I turn to point at Stella, I realize she’s not beside me anymore, now shuffling through the various wooden crates of records. “Her.”

He taps his pen against the counter and glances over at her. “It’s fine. She brings friends in. They buy records. Sales are sales.” He shrugs before going back to whatever he was working on before we interrupted him.

Stella doesn’t seem to want to leave anytime soon so I let myself roam around the shop. The majority of the small store is made up of boxes full of records, a mix of old and new. A small, separated section has various instruments strewn about, most of them looking refurbished. The air is pungent with the smell of sandalwood incense, some kind of chemical-y polish, and stale wood.

“Okay! Ready to go!” Stella calls from behind me and when I turn to her she’s holding a record that I recognize.

“Since when do you listen to Nine Inch Nails?” My brow arches up, seeing as she’s only ever been a Taylor Swift type of girl.

She giggles, “Jolly suggested them.”

I take two fingers and pinch the bridge of my nose with a deep sigh, “Okay, whatever, let’s go.”

--

Stella and I walk into the house and my ears are immediately unsettled by the sounds that fill the house. They’re giggles, some I recognize to be Noah’s but the other is quite … feminine. 

The edges of Stella’s lip curl into a mischievous grin, “Oooooh Noah snuck a girl innnn.” She snickers in a sing-song tone.

“Go to your room Stella.” I order, mostly because her tone irritated me but also because I don’t want her to see what’s behind the cracked door.

She gives me a glare, “You’re just jealous that he’s getting some and you’re not.”

“Go. To. Your. Room.” I repeat sternly through gritted teeth.

“Fine, whatever. Be the party pooper you always are.” She huffs before turning down the hall and slamming the door behind her when gets to her room.

I blink at the doorknob as her words sear into my chest. I question even interrupting until another giggle pierces my eardrums.

I’m precarious with the way I approach the cracked door and peer in. Noah and the girl from the party, Kassidy, next to each other on the bed with open textbooks and notebooks littered about. They’re laughing at something but all I can focus on is her hand on his thigh. An odd twist forms in my abdomen, somewhere between my ribs and my gut. It makes me feel sick, like I ate some gas station sushi.

My knuckle taps on the door and creaks it open. “Hey.”

“Oh, hey Nick!” Noah seems surprised to see me but not necessarily upset by my presence, which for some reason eases the knot in my chest. “I heard a door slam did-”

It’s not until the blonde waves at me with the hand that’s not glued to Noah’s thigh that I realize the anger staining my fingertips.

“Noah, can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask through a fake smile.

“Sure.” He nods, “Be right back, Kass.”

Once the bedroom door clicks behind him, I feel myself begin to unravel.

“Does my mom know you’re bringing girls home?” I question, my voice coming out much harsher than intended.

“No…?” He answers. “I figured I would just do what we always did with each other? Sneak in.”

“Okay well, I don’t appreciate you bringing girls into my room. Please tell me you guys didn’t do anything in my bed.” The words shoot from me, quick and sharp, like acid bullets.

His face falls and I see the light behind his warm eyes dim.

My

Fuck

I regret the words the second I realize my mistake. Though I suppose on some level, deep down, I knew that the word choice would hurt him, but I said it anyway.

I said it anyway.

I was so upset that I said it anyway.

“No?” He replies sounding a bit offended at the accusation, even though it’s not out of the realm of possibility. “I wouldn’t do that in your bed.”

The impulse to lash back is there, bubbling just under my skin, but I have no reason to be angry. No valid, explainable reason. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Lie.

“Right.” Noah says softly but with a slight edge. “Well, I” He thumbs over his shoulder. “Um, she was just about to leave so.”

“Okay.” I reply quietly, suddenly overwhelmed with an odd mixture of anger and guilt.

-

While Noah escorts the girl out to say goodbye, I begin tidying up the room. Noah is pretty clean thankfully, so the room itself is clean, but I can’t shake the feeling of something oddly foreign within the four walls. The room suddenly feels so dirty and the taste on my tongue is sour like expired milk. My eyes land on the bed sheets and my stomach feels like I had drank expired milk – maybe 3 whole gallons of it. My mind struggles to account for the food I had eaten today but fails. Surely that is the reason for my abrupt nausea.

Before I can even process my actions, my fingers hungrily latch onto the bed sheets, snapping each fitted corner off the mattress. Heavy textbooks and pens hit the floor with a loud crash.

Despite having just washed them, I’m absolutely positive that they’re filthy.

Maybe they smelled too much like stagnant laundry this morning

Maybe they were making me itchy last night

Maybe I developed an allergy to our detergent

Maybe it’s been too warm and I soaked them in sweat

Or maybe I just want to clean the fucking sheets.

“Oh,” Noah’s gentle voice startles me from the doorway. His eyes trail up from the mess on the floor to the balled-up sheets beneath my palms. “Um, did I accidentally get highlighter on them or something?”

“Nope.” I’m quick to answer. “Just wanna wash ‘em.”

His brows furrow still looking at where my hands keep the shape of the large sphere of material. “Oh. Um, well. I just washed them like 2 or 3 days ago?”

“It’s fine, I just want to wash them again.” I respond shortly.

“Okay… well, let me do it then.” He crosses the space between us going for the sheets but I pull away.

“No. I got them, thanks.” I avoid him by swerving around his thin body and head towards the door.

 “Well, what can I do? I could mop again or… reorganize the fridge? Or…” He trails off, not being able to come up with much else.

“No, Noah. It’s Stella’s turn to mop and who the fuck offers to reorganize a fridge?” I snap at him from the doorway, “You don’t need to be cleaning the house 24/7, okay?”

His eyes falter but he nods “Oh, sorry, I um, I just wanna be doing my part. You know… earn my keep and all that? I just… wanna help.”

My face softens and the tight muscles in my shoulders ease. I feel guilt all over again. 

I sigh. “I’m sorry – I just - I just had a bad week with school and with the shop and,” I pause. “I didn’t mean to snap at you, okay?”

He nods and the edges of his mouth upturn ever so slightly into a tight-lipped smile. “Okay.” He pauses, fidgeting with his fingers. “Sorry about Kassidy. I should’ve asked.” He says quietly while his eyes drop to his anxious hands.

The tips of my fingers curl into the sheets a bit, a stream of… frustration maybe?  shoots through my veins. “It’s okay. I just don’t want my mom to get mad.”

A half lie.

“Right.”

When I turn to leave, he stops me, “Oh – I wanted to ask you something?”

My eyes widen while still turned away from him. A chill rolls up my spine at the realization that we’ve barely spoken since yesterday morning, when his hand was around my cock.

“Um sure, what’s up?” I turn back to him cautiously.

“Well, the fair is in town this weekend, I thought we could go? You know, me, you and Folio?”

I smile at him, relieved it wasn’t about something else. “Sure, sounds fun.”

-Friday Night-

When Folio comes to pick us up, I immediately regret agreeing to carpool. The passenger side door flings open with yet another blonde in the front seat. This one a bit more of a natural, darker blonde and not nearly as bobblehead-like. She looks vaguely familiar, maybe she was one of the wannabe sorority girls from the frat party.

I sigh when I glance over to my busted blue car that’s been acting up every morning since the cold weather’s been getting closer.

The girl smiles wide at us and gets out so we can fold her chair to get to the backseat.

We squeeze our way to the back and naturally, Noah’s mile-long limbs take up most of the room.

The thick distinctive stench of paper-wrapped nicotine coats the cracking plastic of his car doors and the pungent aroma of $10-per-gram weed oozes from the stained beige seats.

Even though Nick brought his ‘friend’, I feel decent about the fair tonight. I mean these are the things we should be doing, right? Going out is what college kids do.

The girl hands back a plastic bottle wrapped in brown paper and Noah hungrily takes it.

“Vodka.” She says simply with a dazed smile.

“Cool.” Noah grins, though I know he’s never tasted pure vodka in his life.

He puts the bottle to his lips and tips it back, immediately scrunching his face in disgust at the taste. If it was just us, I know he would’ve spit it out.

He wipes his mouth off with the back of his hand, “Not bad.” He lies straight through his teeth.

Noah tips the bottle offering it to me. I shake my head and wave it off, “No, I’m good thanks.”

“Oh, c’mooonn Nick, don’t be a wuss.” Noah whines.

“Yeah Nick, loosen up! Have some fun!” Folio perks up from the driver's seat and watches me in the rearview mirror.

The last time he told me to “loosen up”, he ended up floundering in a lake so it hardly has an enticing ring to it.

“No really.” I reaffirm. “Not for me.”

Noah tsk’s and rolls his eyes, “You’re no fun.”

The words hit me square in the chest and my ribs mold around the letters like playdoh.

You’re no fun.

They’re simple words. Logically, I know they’re mostly a joke. Yet, they burn like a lit match colliding with white paper.

You’re no fun.

We’ve been friends for a long time. Long enough to sit in boring silence scrolling on our phones comfortably for hours. But now I’m no fun because I won’t drink out of a foreign bottle?

The searing in my lungs forces my hand to reach and snatch the bottle from him abruptly. I don’t think, I just do. I take the bottle to my lips and tilt my head back with scrunched-closed eyes. I chug, better he did and better than the girl, until the scorching of my throat gets too much.

I shove the bottle back at him, now an extra quarter empty. His face and every other face in the car seem shocked, eyes wide with slightly dropped jaws.

“What?” I hiss and let out a vodka-singed burp. “You told me to have fun.”

--

Nick’s wheels roll to a halt in the dirt of the fair’s extended parking. The crowded car disperses faster than I anticipated, leaving me alone in the empty car. I stumble out of my seat and precariously steady myself in the dirt to scan the parking lot for the group. The four of them are already ahead of me, nearly halfway to the entrance. Their laughter carries in the wind all the way back over to me. 

Once I catch up, I trail behind them quietly. My hands stuffed in my pockets and my Vans kicking up dry dirt, just trying to focus on walking in a straight line. 

As we approach the ticketing office, my heart plummets to my stomach when I see two familiar girls standing at the gate waiting for us. 

I should’ve known.

“Nicholas, you remember Brooke, right?” Noah grins and gestures to the carbon copy of every other sorority girl on campus.

“Yeah. Hey.”

That’s when I notice the delay in my words and the lag between my fingertips as I wave to her. And as we buy our tickets and make our way into the fair, I catch the warmth all over my skin and the growing numbness in my lips.

I think I’m drunk. Really drunk. 

 --

We make a solid lap around the entire park – picking up random snacks here and there, some fried oreos, a shared funnel cake, slushees, and more I can’t even remember. All the fried food mixed with the couple spin-y rides and the alcohol sloshing in my stomach, I was more than ready for an actual meal. I convinced everyone on hotdogs since it’s the cheapest food here and I’d already spent a good chunk of my tip money on ride tickets and overpriced junk food.

When we reach the window of the hotdog stand we’re met with a familiar face.

“Bryan!” Exclaims Folio, excited to see his fraternity mentor.

As always, Bryan looks about as thrilled as a mother of toddler triplets after a candy bender.

“Trout.” He replies unenthusiastically with his monotone cadence matching the deep sleep-deprived purple beneath his eyes.

Normally I would’ve giggled at Folio’s ridiculous nickname but my body was too focused on sustenance.  

“Two hotdogs and fries please.” I skip past the rest of the indecisive group.

“We’re out of fries.” He replies flatly.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

He just shrugs, unbothered.

“Fine. Just the hotdogs then.” I huff.

“Coming right up.” He feigns enthusiasm.

The rest of the group place their orders and I can’t help but find amusement in how comical Bryan looks. He’s uniformed in a hotdog themed apron and a silly hotdog visor.

We finally make our way to a painted blue picnic table that sits off to the side away from the busy crowd. I’m grateful for the small respite from the overwhelming, overstimulating chatter.

I fucking hate hotdogs. Usually.

But the minute that meat and bread combo meets my tastebuds, it is as though heaven itself found home in my mouth.

The rest of table fades out as I devour my food and it is only when I’ve finished my 2nd dog that start regaining consciousness. I glance over at the boys who are in the midst of telling some story that’s got all the girls laughing.

My eyes land on Kassidy. She’s giggling at every single thing Noah says and he’s looking at her like she hung the moon. 

No matter how tacky or annoying she is, she’s still objectively beautiful – beautiful in a way I could never be.

The way she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, makes me want long blonde hair too. When she bats her fake lashes at him, it makes me wish mine were longer. Her nails adorned with white tips suddenly make my nailbeds feel bare. The foundation caked on her face reminds me of the breakout I have on my cheek and the stubble growing beneath my nostrils. All at once I’m disappointed with every bit of myself that isn’t like her.

A fleeting moment of curiosity passes pondering if this is what it feels like to question your gender. It had never crossed my mind to be anything other than male, nothing else I ever desired. I’ve never felt like I was in the wrong body or anything of the sort – so, I don’t quite think that’s what I’m feeling now.

Maybe I just envy her existence or how confident she is. Maybe I find her attractive? It’d be kinda shitty if I found her attractive, seeing as she’s Noah’s date and I’m here with Brooke. I don’t think it’s that either, since I can barely tolerate either of them.

Perhaps I’m just drunk and confused.

I must just be drunk and confused.

Once the food settles in my tummy, I feel significantly better, a little nauseous still but better nonetheless. My buzz has fizzled, but the tips of my fingers still tingle and words are still hard.

I quietly use a leftover bun to move around a glob of ketchup as entertainment. Noah’s always been the social one, he’s always been the connections, the glue. So, it’s no surprise that he’s captured the attention of the whole table, filling the air with collective drunken giggles. Normally though, he helps nudge me gently into conversations. He helps me not stay silent like I am now. It’s fine though, I don’t have much to contribute since they have all these inside jokes from their study group.

I snap out of my daze when I hear Folio crunch a coke can in his hand as he gets up from the table. There’s an emptiness beside me I hadn’t felt til now – Brooke is gone.

My gaze follows the group as they get up from the table to bring their trash to the overflowing garbage can.

“Where did Brooke go?” I ask to the general conglomerate, most of which pay no mind to me.

“She left to go meet up with some other friends.” Noah replies, his tone suggests that he’s downplaying the situation. I’m sure she wasn’t having fun with a half-drunk silent boy.

‘You’re no fun’ rings in my head from earlier in the car.

2 things I’ve learned from tonight are:

1 – eat hotdogs when drunk.

2 – pretending to be “fun” is really fucking exhausting.

“Oh.” I say quietly, matching their actions by tossing my flimsy paper plate and Dr. Pepper can into the trash.

“We’re heading towards the bigger rides, if you want to come.” He turns and follows the rest of the group through some carnival game tents.

‘If you want to’ I mimic him in my head.

No I don’t fucking want to but I was driven here and I’m stranded.

“Yeah.” I mumble and quickly jog to meet them ahead of me.

--

The others made their way to the short ferris wheel line after I insisted it was okay to leave me behind. I sure as fuck didn’t want to sit in a pod alone or 3rd wheel on one of their’s.

I watch Noah and Kassidy’s pod reach and stop at the peak of the small ferris wheel, I don’t know why I’m watching but my body is rooted where I stand. Upon it’s a slow descent down, I see it.

His hand cupping her face. Their lips locked.

It’s not a decision I make until their pod locks at the gate and they’re being let out. My foot swivels in the dirt, kicking up dying grass as I try to dip around various family-owned booths for cover. As feared, I hear him calling from behind. I knew I had messed up by making a run for it so late.

“Nicholas!”

His calling only makes my legs move faster – I’m not sure exactly why I’m running or what good it’ll do, just that I need to get as far away from him as possible.

He catches up to me faster than I was prepared for. Fall leaves crunch beneath his worn-out Converse. “Where are you going?” He asks and before I even turn around to see him, I know the look on his face. The same look that I can’t seem to ever say no to – the one that breaks my back just to make me bend to him.

I sigh and turn to him. “Noah, I’m going home.”

“What! Why?”

And there it was. Big, round, puppy dog eyes full of decadent chocolate so sweet it could rot the teeth right out of your skull - paired with pouted lips that demand pity and restitution.

“I’m not having fun. I don’t want to be here.”

“What? You told me you wanted to go to the fair?” He questions with curved eyebrows.

“No. I didn’t. You invited me. You told me that I wanted to go. You tricked me into being on a triple date I didn’t want to be on.” My arm gesturing towards the fair.

“Well, c’mon we can still make it fun! We can just get some more ride tickets and-” He grabs the sleeve of my flannel and tugs at it towards the fair.

I yank my arm back so hard it nearly pulls him back with it, “No you’re not listening to me Noah. I don’t want to be here. Why do you continue to bring me places that you KNOW I won’t like?”

“We’ve been to the fair a million times, Nick.” He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Yeah! With just us! Not with three random fucking girls!” The churning in my chest begins to spit drunken thoughts out without filters.

His brows knit together in confusion. “They’re not random girls Nicholas, and I really thought you’d hit it off with Brooke-”

“Oh my god, why the fuck would you think I’d get along with her? Just because she’s got tits and ass? Sorry, I’m not you, I need a little more than that.” I scoff.

“Well, I-I don’t know just thought you’d want-”

“Augh!” I groan and pace a tiny lap around the grass. “Can you stop assuming you know what I do or don’t want?”

“So, let me get this straight. You don’t want to go to parties, or the fair, or hang out with girls… normal college stuff, you don’t want?”

My heart pounds hard against my eardrums and my fingers burn with frustration. My fists tighten at my sides and my jaw clenches, digging each row of teeth into the other. Molten lava threatens to spill from my throat.

“No, Noah. I guess I don’t want ‘normal college stuff’, I don’t fucking like alcohol and I don’t even know if I like girls!”

My yelled words tumbled from my mouth so easily I didn’t even realize I said anything that odd until Noah’s eyes widen.

I don’t even know if I like girls.

“What?” Noah asks softly and genuinely with his head tilted slightly.

“I-I,” I stumble back, accidentally hitting an oak tree behind me. “I’m- I just need to go home.”

“Nick.” His hands stretch out to grab my arm as I turn to leave but he’s a millisecond too late. “Nick!” He calls after me.

Every bit of adrenaline available in my body propels me forward, past all the booths, all the rides, and through all the neighboring forest. When my feet finally find asphalt, my head feels like a basketball on a player’s fingertip. My eyes widen at a sharp turn in my stomach. I analyze my surroundings in a split second, running towards a lamp post for support. The moment my palm touches the cold metal, I double over and empty the contents of my stomach onto the concrete. The funnel cake, the cotton candy, the fried Oreos, the slushees, and the goddamn fucking hotdogs all found home the sidewalk.

I don’t even know if I like girls.

I don’t even know if I like girls.

Why would I say that?

Is that true?

Do I not like girls?

Of course, I like girls.

I wobble over to a bench and sit on the cool wood. The weather’s a lot colder now that the sun has set, and I regret not bringing a proper jacket.

I like girls. I know I like girls. Right?

I mean, I’ve been jerking off to girls… this whole time? So, if I didn’t like girls, why would I do that?

I like girls.

Only.

I like girls.

Right?

I shake my head of the thoughts spinning faster than I can even grasp.

The dim light of the street lamp flickers and it occurs to me that it’s almost 10 pm and I have no idea where I am or how to get home.

Fuck.

Pulling my location up in my Maps app tells me that I’m still fairly close to the fair, which unfortunately means I’m pretty far from home. Tears begin prickling in my eyes and a tight knot forms in my throat.

The weight of the night crashes down onto me all at once.

The “you’re no fun”

The fucking hot dogs

The “she went to meet other friends”

The “if you want to”

The ferris wheel

The “I don’t even know if I like girls”

“Fuck.” My voice cracks as tears take hostage of my cheeks.

My body doubles over, folding in on itself to bury my face in my hands.

I’m drunk, I had a shit night, I left my best friends at the fair and now I’m stranded on some random street.

Even through my own heaving, a brief pang of guilt shoots in my stomach for leaving Noah behind.

He wanted to have a good night, perhaps I ruined it. 

In the past, I would’ve stayed feeling guilty because I knew for a fact that if the roles were reversed, he’d come back to find me. But now, I’m not so sure. I don’t think he’d leave Kassidy for anyone or anything.

Not even me.

My palms try to stave off the tears by digging into my eye sockets.

“Fuck, okay. I need to get it together.” I say out loud to myself, letting out a deep exhale. “What the fuck am I gonna do.”

Both of my only friends are still at the fair.

Mom is at work.

So that leaves me with…

Stella.

“Shit.”

I unwillingly pull myself from the bench and begin to pace back and forth taking fast but deep breaths. I ring out my hands out, trying to expel any sort of panic from them. The last thing I need is for her to see me like this.

Finally, once I’ve composed myself, I dig my phone out of my pocket and click her contact name “Snot”.

It rings for a little bit too long and I almost hang up just before she answers.

“Hello?” She asks a little louder than necessary, shortly after I hear a flood of giggles in the background. Her sleepover.

“Hey.” I barely get out without my voice cracking.

“Hey, what’s up?” She asks with concern lacing her voice. There’s the sound of a door closing behind her, shutting out the chatter.

“Oh um-“ My tone pitched up and I feel tears welling up in my eyes again. If the rest of tonight’s events weren’t enough, here I am making a fool out of myself to my little sister. “I forgot about your sleepover. It's fine – I’ll just walk home or something.”

“Walk home? Where are you?”

I swallow the knot in my throat trying to keep my voice level, normal and calm but my pause is long and loud.

“I-I,” My eyes squeeze shut pushing as much of my tears out. “I don’t know.”

“Did you drink?”

The back of my hand roughly wipes my nose. “Yes.”

“Are you with Noah?” Her voice is gentle and kind and reminds me of how our mother would talk to us when we scraped our knees.

I sniffle and my voice threatens to break once more. “No.”

“Okay.” She states as if she just got handed a checklist of effortless tasks. “The girls were just about to go home.” I know that’s a lie. “Drop me a pin and I’ll come get you.”

“Thanks Stell.” I reply quietly.

“Of course.”

--

It took about 20 minutes for Stella to pick me up in my own car.

My arms wrap around my shivering body and my head rests on the window as I watch the streetlights zoom past us. Her speed is inconsistent, fast in short bursts then slow in long drags. Her stops are jerky and her turns wide. If this was an early Tuesday school morning, she wouldn’t be able to stop my mouth from rambling off critiques. But tonight, opening my mouth seems more dangerous than her driving.

“So. Do you wanna talk about what happened?” She cuts through the silence unapologetically, like opening a crisp can of Coke in a dead, silent room.

I shake my head.

“C’mon. You can’t really expect me to pick you up in the middle of nowhere at midnight without any context?” She patters her fingertips on the steering wheel and glances over at me. “Did something happen with Noah? Did you get into a fight?”

“Something like that.” I mutter.

She squints her eyes and kind of tilts her head to the side. “You guys never fight?”

“Well.” I reply bluntly. “Things change, I guess.” The fabric of the seat cover stretches as I shift. “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.”

The gears spin in her head, I can almost see them. “Weird.” She mumbles under her breath. “Was it about a girl?”

“I said I’m done answering questions.”

“Sheesh, okay.” She says defensively.

Silence fills every empty space in the car. I’m not sure I’ve ever been uncomfortable around my sister before, but I certainly am now. It’s a new feeling, something I want to run and hide from. My knee bounces nervously as my mind cycles through everything that happened tonight. Regardless of anxiety and confusion twisting my organs into pretzels, I fear that if I don’t say what’s chanting in my head right now, I could explode.

“I told Noah that I don’t even know if I like girls.” I blurt out with extreme urgency, as if I didn’t get it out now, I never would.

Her eyes widen a bit but they stay focused on the road. My heart thumps hard against my chest threatening to jump right out.

“Okay.” She says calmly but cautiously. “And why did you say that?”

“I-I don’t know.” I let the weight of my body finally relax and sink into the seat. “You’ve known me my whole life. Do you think that I… might not only like girls?”

She turns to me at a red light and the face she gives me reminds me of when she was 4 and I was 7, when I speculated that Santa might not be real. Without a second thought she replied, “Of course he’s not real, silly.”

Even at 4 years old she was smarter than me.

“I think that might be a question you have to figure out yourself, Nick. I can’t tell you what you do or don’t like.”

I huff, suddenly frustrated that I couldn’t hand off such a complex task onto someone else – that I couldn’t have someone else give me a quick, solid, factual answer.

“I guess you’re right.” I mumble. 

She returns her focus to the road and lets out a little sigh. “Do you remember when we were little? And we liked Power Rangers?”

“…Yeah?” I reply confused as to what exactly Power Rangers has to do with my sexuality.

“Well, I remember the first time we watched it - and you thought it was so stupid.”

“No I didn’t? I loved Power Rangers?” 

“No.” She corrects me. “At first, when it was just us, you thought it was dumb. But then all your friends started liking it and suddenly you did too. You even wanted to be the red one for the group costume that Halloween, remember?”

“Okay… and? What are you getting at?”

“I can’t tell you what you are or aren’t, Nick. But you’re right - I have known you my whole life. And I know that sometimes you change things about yourself to, I don’t know… not make waves? Not stand out? To fit in? I don’t know your reasoning and I don’t know if that’s what you did with this. But… just something to think about I guess?”

My fingers tap at my knee in thought. I don’t really remember that specific component, only that I had Power Ranger shirts and bedsheets. I remember playing with the figures on the playground with friends and running around the neighborhood with them on Halloween as the Red Ranger. If I was having fun, does it really matter if I didn’t actually like Power Rangers? 

“Yeah… I guess it’s something to think about.” I let out a deep sigh. “How’d you get so smart anyway?”

She shoots me a smile, “I learned from the best.”

“Nope, definitely not me. That was all Mom.”

“Who did you think I meant?” She smirks.

“Ha-ha so funny.” I roll my eyes with a toothy grin, finally feeling the tiniest sliver of ease enter my body.

The relaxation slipped from me as quickly as it arrived. “Please don’t um, tell her…or anyone that we talked about this – especially Noah.”

“You got it. I would never.”

I somehow feel relieved yet terrified of what I’ve just divulged to her.

“Do you wanna get donuts from that 24-hour place? And maybe some water for your inevitable hangover?”

“God yes please.” My thumbs rub circles into my throbbing temples. “And a burger please, jesus I need a burger. And fries, I need fries more than air right now.”

“Fiiine, McDonalds too, I guess.”

“Thanks, Stell.” I say soft and genuine.

“Of course, Nick.”

I smile kindly at her. Tomorrow I’ll probably regret everything I said and did tonight but right now, I’m getting junk food with my sister at midnight and the world is quiet. Everything feels okay, even if it only lasts until the end of my Mcdonald’s.

I wave Stella goodnight as she walks into her room. With a twist of my doorknob, I open my door and my feet halt in their tracks. My swollen eyes widen at the last thing I expected to be in my room.

“What are you doing here?” I question before I can even really gauge my own reaction.

Noah sits on the edge of the bed still in the same outfit from the fair.

“I went looking for you.” His brown eyes find mine and it makes my chest ache the same way it did earlier on the bench.

“You did?” My square shoulders soften briefly before straightening back up again. “And why would you do that?” I snap at him.

The space between his brows burrows slightly, seemingly confused by my harsh response. “Well, I-I,” He presses his lips together while his fingers pick at his nails. “I was worried about you.”

My eyes dart down to the carpet and try to ignore the way my heart swells at his words. I swallow hard and curl my fists at my sides. “Well, you’ve got nothing to worry about. I’m fine.”

“Oh okay…” He trails off and lets his gaze drop to his fiddling hands and bouncy leg. “I just wanted to make sure, I guess.”

“Okay well, you’ve made sure. Now I really just wanna go to bed, if that’s okay with you.” I cross all of the two feet from the doorway to my dresser and forcefully yank the top drawer open.

He carefully lifts from the bed and meets me where I dig for clothes. “Nicholas.” His voice is gentle and full of concern, but no matter how much it should comfort me it just fans the flames of my resentment.

“What now, Noah.” I sigh harshly and turn to him.

“What did you mean at the fair?”

After the food adventures I had with Stella, it had almost erased what I had said from my memory. Too bad it couldn’t have done that to him too. I was really banking on him being too drunk to even remember. But I should know better than that – Noah and his very selective memory.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I feign confidence and turn back away from him to focus on finding PJs. My chest and limbs fill with a feeling similar to sitting in the waiting room of a principal’s office. Suddenly, I’m small and the room triples in size while the oxygen rapidly depletes.

“You know what I’m talking about Nick.” His fingers gently grab my arm to turn my attention to him again. “Do you… not like girls? Do you think you’re-”

“Gah! No!” I all but spit out. The thought of what he was about to say makes me want to vomit all over again. “No, I’m not…that.”

“O-oh, okay…but if you were, you know you could tell me, right? You know you can tell me anything, like we’ve always done.” His voice is quiet and tender, even through the vodka I can still smell on his breath.

“Oh my god Noah.” I grasp at the air in frustration. “No. I just said it to, to throw you off. So you’d let me go, so you’d leave me the fuck alone.”

“Oh.” His hand slips from my arm and he takes a step away from me.

If this was any other night, after any other event, I would apologize, minimize it, and say that I’m just having a bad night. But it’s not any other night and I don’t have enough energy in my entire body to make more excuses.

My fingers dig into the bundle of PJs I hold, and my stare stays straight on his chest. “I just, want to take a shower and go to bed. Okay?”

“Right.” He sucks his teeth and nods. “Okay, enjoy your shower then.”

“I will, thanks.” I reply blandly, shoving the overflowing drawer closed.

-

The world seems much lighter now that the thick layer of carnival muck, the remnants of alcohol and vomit were washed down the drain. I scrunch my hair with a terry cloth towel while I walk to my room from the shower.

I’m confused to find my door cracked open with the big light still shining through the door. I spent almost an hour trying to get all the grime off and let the water ease the pulsing in my head. Surely, Noah wouldn’t still be up, it’s almost 3 am.

I quietly creak the door open to find the bed empty.

“Huh?” I whisper to myself and make my way over to the disheveled bed. Noah’s nowhere to be found, but instead there’s a plushy on his pillow. I hook my finger through the plastic carabiner attached to it and lift it to my eyeline. It’s a stuffed tuxedo cat with sunglasses that look similar to the knockoff RayBans I usually wear.

I look back at the pillow and notice there was a note beneath it. I pick it up and unfold it with the cat dangling on my pinky. 

‘Saw this at the fair and thought of you. 

Went to stay over at Kassidy’s so, you can have your room back for the night.

-N’

The breath that escapes from deep in my torso seems to deflate me completely. I knew the slip of up of my words the other day hurt him, more than I thought. A vine of thorns wraps around my throat, each guilt-drenched spike digs into my windpipe. He left because of me.

I take a precarious seat on the edge of the bed, holding each item in each hand. My palm aches to crush the note in my fingers but my eyes burn with salty tears too. All while the cat swells my chest in the saddest way possible. How could someone feel so many things at once? 

I have no screams, no yells, no sobs left in me and my body begs for rest. I can’t let myself wallow in whatever this is, how could I make sense of it now? When my brain is so hazy and my eyes are so sleepy. 

I use the back of my hand to wipe away the tiny bit of tears left in my eyes and set the note and the stuffed kitty on my bedside table. The bed creaks when I bury my knee into the mattress and let myself fall to the middle. 

The bed feels colder and emptier without him in it, but right now I’m not sure this is where I want him to be. 

I reach up to tug the lamp light off and pull the duvet around my shivering body. 

After about 20 mins of stirring with no hope of falling asleep, I give in and just stare into the stillness of the room. My eyes finally adjust to the darkness and start making a sort of mental inventory list counting all of the items scattered around my room that aren’t mine. I try to remember what the room looked like before he moved in, but I can’t.

While there are growing pains, I can’t imagine my room without him in it anymore. He’s tangled himself into the very essence of the space. 

Drawing my gaze across the room, I land on the kitty he’d gotten for me at the fair. I reach across the space and bring it to the bed, placing it in his spot. 

It fills a tiny void in the vast emptiness of the bed and for about 15 minutes I cling to the minor comfort it brings, believing it might help me fall asleep. 

I let out a frustrated sigh. The heaviness of the night drops onto my shoulder blades and finds refuge beneath my eyes. Once again a venomous coil tightens itself around my ribs.

It is mostly confusion that I feel, the only factor I can distinctly pick out. 

The only other one I can somewhat recognize is, loneliness. 

I glance back over to the cat and it dawns on me the possible reason I can't fall asleep. My fingertips tap rhythmically against the mattress cycling through my options until I find one. 

I wrap my thick duvet around my body and grab my pillow before shuffling down the hall. I gently tap my knuckle against her door then crack it open just a bit.

“Stella.” I whisper-yell into her room. “Stella.”

She shifts in her bed and cracks one eye open at me. “Hm?” She groans sleepily.

I let myself in and scuffle across the carpet to her bedside. “Can I sleep on your floor?” I request in a hush. 

“What? Why?” Her brows knit together with her eyes barely open. “What’s wrong with your bed?”

I chew on my bottom lip searching my brain for an answer that makes any sense but there’s only one. 

“It’s empty.” 

Next Chapter -> 06 - Like Us*

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Thank you for the support on this series and on my other series, Virality. I appreciate it more than you know. I love reading your comments and asks. I am incredibly grateful for them, thank you.

[darksigns-exe]

nothing's in our way - noah x laurie (ofc) x nick

warnings: none

word count: 2k

note: a little belated birthday fic for the favourite boy nicky <3

masterlist | to know you're mine/what if | taglist sign-up

Laurie’s the first of them that shows up. Somehow he’d expected Noah to be the first, he usually is. But then again he’s by no means unhappy to see Laurie. 

She pushes open the door with her elbow and Nick knows better than to try and help her. 

She sets the paper bag and ceramic to-go cup down on the counter, before she wraps him into the tightest hug. 

“Happy birthday Nicky.” Laurie presses a kiss to his cheek and he’s sure that her lipstick has stained his skin.

“Thanks, Laurie.” 

She presses another kiss to his cheek before she finally lets go of him. 

“I got you a piece of the carrot cake and a hot chocolate from the cafe.” She motions towards the things she’d placed on the counter a moment ago, “Don’t worry you’ll get a real present later.”

“You’re — the best.”

He wants to say so much more but it would all be out of line.

How he feels about Laurie is his business and his business only. No one else needs to know that he’s still crushing on his best friend’s girlfriend. Although he’s sure that it’s a little more than a crush at this point. 

“Tonight still stands?” She asks then. 

They’ve bullied him into a small get together. Just their friends. 

It’ll be nice. 

“What time did you say?”

“7.30.” She replies with a smile, “Has Noah texted you yet?”

Nick shakes his head and Laurie’s smile turns into a brief frown. 

“I’m going to shake him up a little when I get home.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll see him later.”

“Nope.” Laurie says firmly, “He will text you.”

She stays for a moment longer, chatting with him while he gets the shop ready for the one client he has today. 

Emergency cover up. The before looked nasty and Nick really couldn’t say no to that challenge. 

“I’ll see you later Nicky.” Laurie gives him another hug. 

She lingers for a moment and Nick briefly lets himself believe that she’s going to say something else. But she doesn’t and Nick shoves the thought away again. 

It is a little cruel, he thinks, that the two people he’s developed feelings for are so happy with each other. 

Noah does text him eventually. It’s a sweet message that makes his heart ache just a little bit. Sometimes he wonders how things could be if Noah was interested in him or if he’d had the guts to talk to Laurie first. During especially bad nights he lets himself think about the possibility of all three of them. 

But that’s utopian. 

Can’t happen. 

Things don’t align like that for him. 

Nick lets himself into their building just before 7.30. They gave him a key a while back and it makes him feel a little more like he’s a part of their lives. 

He climbs the stairs up to the fourth floor. The closer he gets to their door, the more laughter and music reach him. 

“NICKY!” He’s just coming up to their floor when Noah comes barrelling down the stairs towards him, “Happy birthday.”

He’s wrapped into a tight hug that almost makes him fall back down the stairs. Noah presses a too wet kiss against his cheek — evidence that he’s already had something to drink. 

“Come on. Everyone’s here.”

The mention of everyone does make him a little anxious. He doesn’t think that it’s too many people. Noah and Laurie know that he doesn’t love when these things get too big.  

Everyone turns out to be just their friends. Jolly and the girl he’s seeing at the moment, Folio, their newest apprentice at the shop and some of the girls Laurie works with. 

He likes their little circle. It’s a comfortable group. 

The room explodes with cheers when Noah tugs him through the door. 

A very off-key happy birthday later, Nick finds himself squished in between Folio and Noah on the short side of the sofa. 

Nick isn’t sure if he’s imagining it but Noah seems touchier tonight. Maybe it’s the drinks, maybe he’s just like that tonight. But he’s always touching him in some way. Nick can’t complain about it, but he does wonder why Noah’s suddenly comfortable with sneakily placing his hand on his back. 

Laurie comes with new drinks for both of them. She finds a comfortable spot on the armrest of the sofa with one leg draped over Noah’s. 

Nick can’t deny how good being around all of his friends is. He’s glad that they’ve set this little party up for him. 

There’s a full cake with a candle for every year of his life. They’ve all put money together to get him a fancy special edition of a Bloodbourne art book and it genuinely warms his heart. And while that would be more than enough, they’ve also gotten him a framed photo of the whole group for his corner in the shop. The card that everyone had signed almost makes him cry. 

Almost. 

Nick manages to keep himself together though. 

The evening continues with laughter and good conversations, although people slowly start to trickle out of the door after midnight. And by 2 it’s just the three of them. 

Nick is sandwiched between them and while he loves being around them he suddenly feels a little like an intruder. 

“I think I’m going to head home too.” He says eventually.

Noah’s face falls immediately, “I thought you were staying over?”

“I didn’t want to assume.”

“Nicky.” Laurie scolds, “Don't be silly. You know you can always sleep here.”

She tugs him back down onto the sofa, forcing him to sit between them again. 

“Also we still have something for you.” Noah adds quickly. 

“Another thing?” Nick protests, “You've already gotten me so much.”

“Well that was from everyone. We have something for you.” Laurie takes his hand into hers. 

This should be alarming. 

First Noah being so touchy, then Laurie holding his hand. Isolated he wouldn’t think too much of it but in combination something smells off. 

He doesn’t know what is up but something is most definitely up. 

“Nicky.” Noah places a shy hand on his knee. 

Nick can feel him trembling. 

Whatever they have planned must be big. 

“I’m gonna get us something to drink okay.” Laurie says softly.

She gives Nick’s hand another squeeze before she releases it. Her hand trails through Noah’s hair as she passes by him and it makes Nick just a little bit jealous. 

Noah’s hand twitches on his knee. 

“Did you like the party?” Noah asks hesitantly. 

Nick nods, “It was nice. Was good to see everyone.”

“I’m glad you liked it. Laurie and I spent the whole day making your cake.”

He smiles, “I really appreciate it. It was good.”

“I did the frosting.” Noah sounds so very proud of himself. 

“Thank Noah. For all of this.” 

He takes Noah’s hand into his. 

It feels like the right thing to do. He can’t stop the feelings he has for Noah from bubbling up. 

“You know we don’t just do this because you’re our friend, right?” Noah says turning their joined hands over, “We do this because we love you.”

“I know you do.”

“No Nicky. I don’t think you understand. I thought how I felt about you was normal for friends. I thought that’s how everyone feels about their best friend. But — this is more than friendship.”

It hits him out of nowhere. 

This is the last thing he expected out of this day. 

Nick doesn’t know how he missed this, how Noah had been able to hide his feelings so well. Or maybe Nick had just been so willing to assume that Noah’s not into guys that he ignored any sign of his affection.

“Nick?” Noah sounds so awfully shy then, “Can you look at me?”

Nick forces himself to look over to him. 

The softness on Noah’s face rattles him to the core. 

“Nick, I love you and —”

“What about Laurie?” 

“Laurie was a crucial part in me figuring out that what I feel is more than just friendship and that I can feel like this for more than one person without having to feel bad about it.” He replies, “She knows how I feel and she’s more than okay with it.”

“Noah I — I thought you weren’t —”

“I don’t know if I’m into guys. But I know that I’m into you.” 

The smile on his face is dazzling. Nick doesn’t think that he’s ever looked prettier. 

“I’m gonna kiss you Nick. Is that okay?”

“That’s — yea that’s okay.”

Noah leans in so slowly that Nick swears that he can hear the seconds ticking by. He lets his eyes fall shut as he feels Noah’s lips brushing against his. It’s just a soft little thing, a barely there brush of lips but it’s a kiss. 

Noah stays close after they part again and Nick thinks that he could kiss him a thousand times again. 

“I never thought that — I’ve been trying to push it away for so long.” He stammers, “I didn’t think that you’d ever — feel that way for me.”

“Well I do. Don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

The smile on his face makes his insides heat up. 

“How’s this all going to work?”

“Be patient okay? This wasn’t everything yet.” Noah cranes his head towards the open door, “Laurie? You can come back now.”

“She was never going to get drinks, right?” 

Noah shakes his head with a smile, “Thought a little privacy would be nice. Didn’t want to overwhelm you too much.”

“I appreciate that. I can’t believe that I didn’t realise.”

“I got really good at hiding it.” 

Nick squeezes his hands again, “I spent so much time trying not to be in love with you and now — feels a little unreal.”

He doesn’t like the knowing look on Noah’s face. Before he can investigate it further, Laurie comes back into the living room. 

“Looks like that went well. You got room for one more?”

Nick blinks up at her. The sofa is mostly empty there’s —

“Nicky — sweetheart — someone could stand in front of you with a painted banner and you wouldn’t realise huh?” Laurie’s hand comes to rest against his cheek, “Do you think that I got you an extra piece of cake before work because you’re such a good friend?”

“Honestly yes.” He admits quietly. 

Her brows turn down in the sweetest way “Oh honey.”

It really clicks then. 

“Wait.”

Beside him Noah lets out a soft laugh. 

“Wait.”

“We’ll really have to shower him in affection, hm?” Her thumb drifts across his cheek, “Did you think that I didn’t notice how you look at me? You boys are so oblivious. No wonder that you spent months sleeping in the same bed and didn’t notice.” 

Nick turns to look at Noah who in turn looks as if he’s about to protest her words just to realise that she was somewhat right. 

“Do you still want to go home?”

Nick shakes his head. 

“Good. Because I feel like having both of my boys around me tonight.”

Nick wakes up to the scent of freshly brewed coffee. The bed is empty but the spot next to him is still warm and he can hear them talking in the distance. 

It doesn’t feel real at all. 

How had he missed all of this? 

How had he not realised that both of them felt this way? 

The laughter quiets down and steps approach the bedroom door. 

A gentle knock sounds at the door before it’s opened so carefully. Noah pokes his head through the opening. 

“Oh good you’re up.”

Noah pushes into the room and sits down on the edge of the bed next to him. He laces their fingers together so easily. 

“How’re you feeling?”

“This happened right? I didn’t imagine it?”

“If you mean us telling you that we love you, yes that happened.” 

“Good.” 

Nick looks down at their joined hands. 

“You wanna get up? Coffee’s done and I think Laurie is itching to get a kiss too.”

It’ll take a whole lot of getting used to, but his heart has never been fuller. 

They’re his and more importantly he’s theirs. 

Nick knows that there’ll be talks to negotiate how this will work but for now he’s just going to enjoy this new thing. 

And he’s sure that nothing will be able to top this birthday for a good while. 

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[rottingfern]

rainy ghost three by threeeeeeeee

Ask and ye shall receive:

The problem with old manors like these is that they’re splendid in the daylight. The roof in the gallery hall has got these magnificent peaks covered in windows through which the sunlight filters exquisitely, casting deep shadows against which a kaleidoscope of light bouncing off the various shiny surfaces shines brilliantly. Noah walks around in awe down corridor after beautiful corridor, examining the wood paneling and detail work, long-empty display cases casting technicolor spots all over and he feels like he’s lost in a maze, until he comes upon yet another gorgeous, floral-papered atrium with matching curtains.  It feels like the set of an overfunded period series that’s wildly popular on some expensive streaming service, sometimes. Yet where there’s romance in getting lost in an old manor house by day, it’s horribly labyrinthian even months after he’s moved in, and though he’s come to terms with the ghostly infestation by way of Nicholas, he still jumps at the haughty oiled faces that peer down at him from their frames in what he’s dubbed the “dead relatives” stairwell at night. It doesn’t help that he’s taken to keeping the house mostly dark, walking around with a tacky electric candelabra in his (no, Folio’s dead great-aunt-whatever’s) robe like some black and white horror film starlet - for the drama and the aesthetic, of course. Noah can’t even chalk it up to the shuffles he hears sometimes from Nicholas floating (ghosts don’t float, if he’s truly believed to be a ghost and not just Noah gone completely off the rails) around nearby. He's not hearing things, but he swears the eyes on those portraits follow him. “Which one are you?” he calls into the pitch dark, if only to prove they’ve not yet frightened the voice from him.

[sitkowski]

permission ( noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo )

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x noah sebastian cw: 18+ MDNI ⚠��� d/s undertones, chastity devices (cock cage), barebacking, choking, face slapping, overstimulation, degradation, praise kink. finally, someone is nice to him…in his own special way. word count: 1.7k author's note: hashtag noah is free. the conclusion to this mini series! this started with one little picture of folio and noah and just spiraled, but thank you to those who encouraged this and screamed at me about it, love you guys!! divider by @saradika-graphics

⇉ masterpost || taglist signups || locked mini series masterpost

Noah takes a long, hot shower because he knows that Nick will probably keep him waiting a little bit longer. It gives him time to process the night. It’s not as if he’s ashamed of it, in fact he’s pretty proud of himself. He knows he earned that key, just like Nick said he would. A part of him was expecting to be exhausted from the combination of the show and then meticulously working his way down the line of his friends. But his adrenaline is still running high, and he simply dries off haphazardly and sprawls out on the bed to wait.

 He doesn’t touch the cage, it’s not his to touch. Even if he’s the one who picked it out, the one who ultimately gets the choice whether or not to wear it. It’s been a longer stretch this time, but Noah likes it. He likes the control it gives him, and he knows that Nick likes the control it gives him over Noah. When Noah came to him with this idea, this way to earn his way out by the end of the tour, Nick had been all for it. He’d never deny Noah anything.

The sound of the key in the door startles him a little, but he stays laying across the bed. Nick steps into the room, freezing when he sees him there, naked except for his cage. Noah gets that same feeling he always gets when he’s in the same room with Nick, like being at the top of a rollercoaster. He knows what’s coming, feels the drop of anticipation in his stomach every single time.

“Hi.” he breathes out.

“God, fucking look at you,” Nick mutters softly. He shrugs out of his jacket, reaches back and pulls off his t-shirt and throws it aside. Noah’s eyes immediately go to the key. “You've been a good boy for me? You know I’m going to ask them.”

He feels himself go hot all over at Nick’s question, and all he can do is nod his head. That’s not good enough for Nick though, he stalks over to the bed and grabs Noah by the jaw none too gently. The way he switches from sweet to mean always throws Noah for a loop, and he lives for it. If he could get hard right this second, he would. As it is, he’ll do and say whatever Nick wants to get him to take the cage off.

“Yes, Nicky!” He blurts out, speaking as best he can with the way Nick is squeezing his face. “I was good, I promise.”

Nick reaches his free down and wraps his hand around the cage, and Noah has to fight to stay still. Tears sting the corners of his eyes and he blinks rapidly.

“I believe you.” Nick promises, and it draws a relieved sob from Noah’s lips. Nick lets go of his face, leans down so their lips are just touching. The key dangles between them, tickling Noah’s throat. “I told you what you’d get if you were good. You wanna undo the clasp for me?”

Trying not to appear too eager, Noah sits up, reaching beneath Nick’s hair and undoing the chain that holds the key. Nick takes it off, kneeling on the bed and fitting the key into the lock. The sound of it being undone rattles around in Noah’s head and he can’t breathe as Nick pulls the cage off. He doesn’t touch Noah any more than he has to, not right away. A desperate plea escapes Noah’s throat and he paws at Nick’s shoulders, pulling him into a kiss. He whines and whimpers against his lips, trying to ground himself and failing.

“After all the dick you’ve had today, you still want more, huh? We should have just lined the whole crew up outside that bathroom and let them have a turn.”

“No.” Noah says, shaking his head. His entire body is shaking.

Nick pulls back and slaps his cheek, not too hard but enough to shock Noah and make his mouth fall open in some combination of confusion and arousal.

“No? You’re telling me no? If you’ve got something to say, it’s not that.”

“I just meant that I didn’t want that tonight. I want…” Noah trails off with uncertainty, looking down.

“Ah, no,” Nick’s voice still has that hard edge to it, and it shouldn’t make him as hard as it does, but there’s just something about him sounding so mean when Noah also knows how soft he can be with him that just does something to his brain. “You did everything I asked of you tonight. So you speak up and tell me what you want. It’s yours.”

“I want to fuck you.”

It’s been weeks since he’s been allowed, and if he gets to pick his reward, it’s this, getting to be inside of him again. Nick moves back and for a split second, Noah thinks something is wrong, but he’s just stripping out of the rest of his clothes and snatching the bottle of lube from where Matt left it on the dresser earlier. He comes back to the bed, planting a hand in the middle of Noah’s chest and shoving him back against the pillows. Noah expects him to climb on top of him, but he doesn’t, instead laying at his side and kissing him.

He’s been as patient as he can be the past few weeks, and if Nick can’t taste his desperation by now, it would be a miracle. He finally lays back on the pillows, letting Noah fit himself between his thighs.

“I’m probably not gonna last—”

“I don’t give a fuck,” Nick laughs, not meanly. “Cause you wanna know a little secret? I knew this is what you were going to want, and I snuck off and got myself ready for you in the bathroom before I left the guys. So c’mon, get inside of me already.”

All Noah can do for a second is curl himself over Nick and press his forehead into his chest, trying to breathe. Nick, as he does with everything else involving Noah, understands completely and just silently pets Noah’s hair.

Finally, Noah sits back on his knees and pulls Nick’s thighs over his. He grabs the lube, slicking up his cock and pressing it against Nick’s hole. A part of him thinks he should prep him more, but Nick isn’t having that. He reaches out and grabs onto Noah’s hips, digging his fingers in hard.

“Do I have to start begging to get you to get with the program?” he asks, voice already tight with need.

Noah would have honestly paid to hear Nick beg him, but he knew he’d pay for it later. He gives himself a few more strokes, already so hard it hurts a little. Dragging one of Nick’s legs up higher, he lines himself up and pushes in, closing his eyes tight. Nick feels perfect, like he was made for Noah. In some twisted way, his brain associates this with his cage. Him being the only one who gets to have Noah like this, the way they fit together. It does something to him.

He feels another quick, stinging slap to his cheek and his eyes fly open. Nick’s gazing up at him with an almost amused expression. “Did you forget? Eyes on me.”

“Sorry,” Noah gasps out, hips twitching forward until he’s fully inside of him.

Maybe he feels a little vindicated with the way he sees Nick’s eyes go a little unfocused, lips parting on a moan that Noah can feel beneath his hand on his chest. When Nick grabs that hand and pulls it up to his neck, Noah shudders against him.

“You can, it’s okay,” Nick promises, voice softer. “Come on, just like I taught you.”

Noah presses his fingers into the appropriate places on Nick’s throat, like he did teach him. Nick draws in a sharp breath and Noah presses harder as he pulls almost all the way out and shoves back in. He counts, beneath his breath, as the seconds tick by. Nick’s eyes roll back in his head, and Noah presses and releases on his throat after a few seconds.

When Nick sucks in air, Noah blankets him with his body and kisses him, stealing that breath away. He tries to be careful, tries to drag this out as long as he can for him. His hips stutter, he wants to go harder but he’s not sure if that’s what Nick wants from him.

“You’re not gonna break me, Noah. Take it, take your reward,” Nick murmurs against his mouth, tongue brushing his bottom lip.

Noah takes him at his word. He grabs onto Nick’s hands, pinning them up above his head and lacing their fingers together before he rocks into him faster and his control slips. Nick locks his legs around him and bites at his throat, spurring him on and the second Noah feels him clench down around him, it’s over. He spills inside of him with a groan, pressing his face into his throat. It seems to go on forever, and he all but collapses on top of Nick.

He’s aware that Nick pulls his hands free and is petting his fingers down his back. He nudges Noah’s chin up, kissing him slowly.

“Lift up a bit. Don’t pull out yet,” he tells him and Noah nods.

Nick gets a hand between the two of them, wrapping his fingers around his cock and stroking himself quickly. Noah can’t look away, eyes glued to the way his tattooed fingers move. Every strangled gasp Nick lets out sinks into his skin and he presses his mouth to Nick’s chest. He feels overwhelmed and wrung out, but he won’t move, not until he knows Nick wants him to. 

When Nick finally comes, he gives a little nod after catching his breath, and Noah leans back to pull out slowly. His eye twitches a little bit at the sight of his come leaking out of Nick and he can’t help but reach down and delicately push it back inside.

“Oh you fucker,” Nick gasps, writhing against the bed before laughing a little, grabbing onto Noah’s wrist. “I will absolutely put your ass back in that cage now. Behave.”

Noah grins, leaning back over to kiss him. “That’s really not the threat you think it is.”

⇉ taglist:

@ladyveronikawrites @baddestomens @circle-with-me @deathblacksmoke

@malice-ov-mercy @dominuslunae @sorrowsofsilence @collapsedglasshouses

@th4t-em0-k1d @illmakeyousaywow @blackveilomens @vinyardmauro

@thatchickwiththecamera @collidewiththesavannah

[saythatuwill]

eclipse

“I just feel like after everything this past year, I need to tell you how much I appreciate you and everything you’ve done for me.” Noah’s voice is soft and sincere and he’s definitely sounded like this before, but it feels different this time. “You never need to tell me you appreciate me. I know you do.” “Then I want to.” Well, Nick can’t discourage him from doing something he wants, especially not something like this. He’s not used to it from Noah, but it’s still sweet and very, very welcomed. “Okay,” He says. “Then I want to listen.” (Set a few months after the break.)

i apologize that i have literally only posted one thing so far. when it comes to writing i'm not good at writing small, i write big and thorough. maybe i'll start taking requests to learn to take it a little slower! this fic is technically the prequel/part 1 of i love you (for infinity). you don't need to read it in order to enjoy this fic! this was originally posted to ao3, read it here !! warnings: none apply, it's just cute boyfriends. pairing: nicholas ruffilo/noah sebastian (sebffilo)

His phone buzzes on the bedside table, and Nick groans in half-asleep frustration.

He doesn’t know who the fuck is calling him right now, nor what time it is. All he can hear is the buzzing, and the faint sound of the FaceTime ringtone. And Nick knows he could let it ring until whoever it is gets the hint and leaves him alone to sleep. But is he that kind of guy?

He lifts his face off the pillow, his hand reaching out and missing a few times to grab his iPhone from the table. His hair is in his face, probably in his mouth, and he curses himself for having fallen asleep without tying it back. 

The phone stops ringing just as he finally gets it close enough to him, and he groans once more. Of course, just his luck, right? He slams the phone face down onto the mattress next to him in annoyance, but just as he lays his head back down…

Jesus Christ, there it fucking is again.

“Son of a bitch! ” He’s exhausted, he’s grumpy, and he’s half tempted to throw the device across the room and go the fuck back to bed. He flips his phone back over, the light of the screen blinding as he just barely manages to read the contact name with bleary eyes.

Noah. 

Noah?

He squints at the time. It’s 3:41AM on a Tuesday, and Noah is FaceTiming him? Better yet, he’s calling him twice in a row now? 

The frustration turns into worry. And worry turns into anxiety. Nicholas rubs one of his eyes, eyebrows knit together in concern.

It wasn’t like he was the only one worried about Noah. Everyone was. Folio was, Jolly was, Matt was… they all were. Tour had been hard on everyone, sure, but if you absolutely had to ask them who had taken the stress and the demand the hardest, they’d all tell you the exact same person.

Noah had really stuck it out for a long time, but Nick knew his boyfriend could only take so much. He’d started to lose sleep, his appetite suffered, his energy had hit an all time low, and the longer things went on, the more unhappy he’d begun to look on stage. Smiles could only be faked for so long.

“ Nick, you worry too much. ” Noah had told him, and he put on one of those fake smiles again. It was so forced that it made the bassist visibly cringe.

God, those beautiful brown eyes of Noah’s— they usually held this light in them, so bright that Nick was certain that it would put the sun to shame. When he smiled, they’d twinkle as they scrunched up into those pretty crescent shapes. 

So when he put on that fake smile, there was no even giving Noah the benefit of the doubt. That smile did not reach his eyes, and it did not mask the emotional turmoil within him. 

He knew then, that it was only a matter of time. And when it came, it came in the form of a makeshift intervention for Noah, one that had led to tears, then apologies, and finally, he’d given in. The shows needed to be canceled, Noah was too burnt out to continue like that.

That was in May. Now, it’s September. And Noah is FaceTiming him at nearly 4 in the morning.

Nicholas probably shouldn’t be fearing the worst right now, but he is. What if Noah’s having a breakdown? What if he’s reached his breaking point? What if he’s crying, or he’s drinking, or he’s making some bullshit reckless decision just to feel something? 

Sleepiness doesn’t matter anymore. Nick’s thumb swipes quickly to answer the call. He doesn’t know what state he’s going to see the love of his life in, but he’s prepared to help him. He’s prepared to be his anchor to ground him. He is ready to be whatever Noah Sebastian needs him to be.

“Are you okay? Are you safe?” Nick blurts it out the moment the call connects, the worry overtaking him like a concerned mother.

“Uh. Hey.” But he’s instead greeted with Noah, his phone resting against something on his desk, laptop pulled up, headphones around his neck, completely… fine. In fact, he looks great. 

In the past, he’d seen Noah in worse states. Like in early June, sleep deprived and disheveled as he tried to work on music despite having been told to just relax for once in his life . Or in mid July, in tears on his bathroom floor, wondering if he’d ruined the band forever, hating himself and everything he’d ever made. 

Today, he is clean shaven, he’s wearing a Naruto shirt that is not only clean, but not wrinkled. His hair is freshly washed and neat, his bangs split down the middle. It’s getting a little longer, Nick notices, and he’s not sure if he likes that or loves that.

On one hand, he misses Noah’s long hair sometimes, like when they lived together. Sometimes he’d tie it back into a messy bun and Nick’s chest would feel warm all of a sudden. On the other, the shorter haircut suited him so well; it was softer and fluffy, and sometimes when Noah was exhausted enough, he’d use his lap as a pillow and fall asleep, while Nick gently stroked his hair, playing idly with the dark brown locks.

Wait, hold on. Noah looks completely fine. So he’s not in distress, or doing something stupid, he’s just… totally good. At 4 o’clock in the morning. FaceTiming him.

“Noah, what the fuck.” He runs his hand over his face, that grumpiness starting to seep right back into his voice. “Do you know how late it is?”

“Did I disrupt your beauty rest?” There’s a playfulness in his voice, and Nick’s not sure if he wants to kiss him or punch him for it. Maybe both.

“As a matter of fact,” Nick yawns loudly, “you did. What the hell are you calling me at 4 in the morning for?”

“To make you ask questions. It worked.” This time, Noah grins, and that alone is almost enough to make Nick forget why he’s annoyed with him. Because he sees it. That light, even through the iPhone camera, it’s there. The sun is back. His sun is back, the clouds have finally cleared.

“Noah Sebastian Davis.”

“Whoa, okay, okay!” He raises his hands up off his keyboard in surrender. “I’m sorry!”

“C’mon man, it’s late. Why are you calling me?” Nick rubs one of his eyes with a hand, yawning once more as he tries to wake himself up.

“Bored.”

“And?”

“What do you mean, ‘and’?”

“The real reason, Noah.”

Noah pauses, and then he sighs, hating that Nick is right. 

“I’m lonely and I miss you.” He leans his cheek against his hand, elbow rested on the arm of his computer chair. The bassist smiles to himself at the confession.

“So you choose 4 in the morning to miss me?” God damn it, he couldn’t be mad at Noah if he tried. Not when he’s the happiest he’s looked in months. So he sighs, and his boyfriend smiles because he knows exactly what that sigh means.

“I miss you all the time. Just… a little extra right now is all.” Noah’s words hang in the air, and for a moment his gaze moves elsewhere. 

Noah isn’t very good with articulating the way he feels. It’s what makes being a songwriter for a band so nice sometimes, but even that has its limitations.

When things began to get bad during the tour, he didn’t say anything about it. He figured that if he put on a brave face and kept pushing, the exhaustion and the dread of waking up in the morning would eventually pass. So every day, he’d get up even though it felt like he hadn’t slept in days. Some days, he’d wish he woke up so unbearably sick he’d have to cancel a show. But if that actually happened, he knew damn well he’d try to perform anyway. He didn’t want to disappoint his fans, or his friends, or his boyfriend.

God, no. Never Nick. Not when he hardly felt worthy of being loved so unconditionally by him to begin with.

And by May, it had gotten so bad that Noah felt numb. Fake smiles only got him so far, until one morning he woke up later than expected, but when he went to greet everyone, they were all just… sitting there. Like they’d been waiting for him. 

It had only taken one question. Three words.

“ Are you okay? ” And Noah had shattered like glass.

It wasn’t easy to bounce back from that. The first month being home, Noah did not want to actually take a break. Sure, he’d agreed to it, he let the shows be canceled, go home, no problem in theory. But in practice? Fuck that.

So the cycle repeated itself, just in the comfort of his own home. It didn’t last very long however; all it had taken was one FaceTime call with Nick where he’d been awake for 48 hours, genuinely hysterical from lack of sleep, for his MacBook to be taken away from him by Jolly. That had led to an argument while Noah was still sleep deprived, and it had ended in him saying some things he didn’t mean, throwing a glass plate on the floor in upset, and profuse apologies.

That had driven him a little crazy too. In the haze of success, self expectations that were way too high to reach, and the non stop pushing, and pushing, and pushing, Noah had begun to forget what else he genuinely enjoyed doing. He liked music, and making music, and singing for his music, and producing his music, and- well, it goes on. 

Nick would come over sometimes, but he honestly missed when they lived together a lot. Just the comfort in knowing his boyfriend would be just down the hall if he needed him… not in different houses. Jolly was nice to live with of course, that’s his best friend, but Nick.  

But now it’s September, and though he thought the misery would never end, it did. Most of it, anyway. Therapy helped a lot with that; the practice of radical acceptance. While pain is inevitable, suffering is optional . Getting back into working out, meditating, playing video games here and there, even flying out to see Folio and go fucking fishing , it all helped. 

Now that he has his MacBook back, it’s all even better. He has never felt so inspired, so ready and excited to create. That night, he’d been working on a song for hours , and it’s something he’s proud of. Truly, genuinely proud of. 

Then he got lonely. He’s an introverted person, he doesn’t mind being alone most of the time. Plus, Jolly does live here so he’s not necessarily alone. Though, he is most certainly asleep; when Noah had gone downstairs to get water, that motherfucker was snoring so loud it sounded like ASMR of a clogged drain.

He knows what he’s missing right now; Nick. Always Nick. His smile every morning no matter how exhausted or generally over it he is. The way his laugh sounds, that real laugh, the one that shakes his shoulders or makes him have to physically grab onto something to keep himself from doubling over. The way his fingers look when he plays the bass, or when they’re interlocked with Noah’s. 

He misses holding Nick’s hand so much. Or when he can trace over the moon phase tattoos on his fingers. Sometimes he says that Noah is like the sun, and if that’s the case Nick is his moon. His blue eyes put the stars to shame with how bright they are. When he smiles, his face lights up with this ethereal glow that Noah has already written a song about.

For that reason alone, he sometimes wishes Bad Omens made softer music. If they did, he’d make an entire album about how Nicholas Ruffilo makes him feel, and the fanbase could speculate who it’s about for eternity.

Noah wonders if a contest between Nick and the moon would be fair, but if it were to happen, the vocalist thinks his boyfriend might win.

“I miss you too, babe.” There’s a shuffling sound that’s just barely picked up in the microphone as Nick sits up, reaching to turn on the lamp at his bedside. The light is so blinding that he makes a face when it turns on, and Noah snickers at the sight of it.

“Sorry I woke you though. Just really needed to hear your voice.” Noah reaches up to rake a hand through his hair, sighing in contentment. “Mind staying up for a bit?”

“Of all the people in the world, you are the only person I will wake up and stay up for. You know that.” In Nick’s mind, it is not even a question. Noah needs company, he’s got it. He needs a place to stay, he’s got it. He needs an alibi after committing a heinous crime, fuck it, he’s got it.

“I’m grateful to have you, y’know.” Noah smiles at his phone screen, pulling his headphones from around his neck and setting them down somewhere offscreen. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Noah isn’t good at feelings, but tonight he wants to try. Perhaps it’s okay to be bad at things as long as you try. “I just- I feel so lucky to have you.”

“Where’s all this coming from?” Nick’s smiling as he sets his phone down to face up at the ceiling for a moment. He digs a hair tie out of his drawer, tying his bed head back into a half-assed ponytail, then picks his phone back up.

“I just feel like after everything this past year, I need to tell you how much I appreciate you and everything you’ve done for me.” Noah’s voice is soft and sincere and he’s definitely sounded like this before, but it feels different this time.

“You never need to tell me you appreciate me. I know you do.” 

“Then I want to.” 

Well, Nick can’t discourage him from doing something he wants, especially not something like this. He’s not used to it from Noah, but it’s still sweet and very, very welcomed.

“Okay,” He says. “Then I want to listen.”

“I don’t always know what to say. I still don’t think I do, but fuck it I need to try. You’ve just- you’ve seen me through so much. There’s times where I feel like, if it were me, I would’ve just walked away on myself.” Noah’s talking with his hands as he tries to articulate his point. “But you didn’t. You’ve never once walked away from me.” 

Nick knows what he means. They have a long history together, dating back to when they were teenagers. Sure, Noah was sometimes impulsive or did stupid shit. He had his good times, and he had his points where he was at his lowest. But walk away? Never. He would never do what he knows others in Noah’s life did; and even if that wasn’t a factor he still wouldn’t have.

“I wouldn’t dream of it. You could tell me to walk away and I still wouldn’t do it, Noah. You could, uh, I don’t know… uhhh…”

“Kill someone.”

“Kill someone- kill someone? That’s your- never mind.” He shakes his head. He’s used to Noah’s antics. “Sure, you could kill someone and I wouldn’t walk away from you. But I would call you a dumbass.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Noah laughs through his words, adoring his boyfriend’s honesty. “No, but-... that means a lot to me. Looking back on it now, I can’t believe how far we’ve come. Look at us now, you know?”

“Yeah.” Nick suddenly feels breathless as he reflects on it himself. “Look at us now.”

“There’s genuinely… no one else in this world, that I’d rather have at my side than you. You’ve helped shape me into who I am, and I see you in my future. Together, just like this.”

“Noah…”

“Just- just let me. Please .”

“Okay.” Nick goes quiet, unable to contain the smile on his lips.

“I want to grow old with you. Maybe get married or some shit when we’re a little older and have it all figured out more. If we, ever really have it figured out. I genuinely can’t fucking imagine my life without you.” Just slightly, Noah’s voice wavers. Nick almost doesn’t catch it. Hearing it makes his heart melt.

Nick parts his lips to reply, but then he closes them again. No, he’ll let his boyfriend continue, he can tell this is difficult for him to do. He couldn’t be prouder of him.

“I thought I was going to lose all of this.” Noah admits, and then he exhales. The breath is shaky. “The band, everything we worked for, the fans, the love of music, fuck… you. All of it. So I kept pushing because I really didn’t know what I’d do with myself if all of these things I worked so hard for, we worked so hard for, ended up meaning absolutely nothing because of me.”

Then, Noah sobs, softly. He runs a hand over his face, partially to wipe the tears away and partially because he’s a little embarrassed of exposing his soul like this.

But this is something he’s been working toward in therapy; the honesty. Talking about how he feels, telling people how he feels about them. He eyes the camera and sees that concerned look on Nick’s face, so he smiles.

The smile isn’t forced, it isn’t fake. His eyes still scrunch up, and they still twinkle. The sun is still shining just fine. So Nick relaxes and smiles back. The moon is glowing once more.

“Babe?” He speaks up anyway, and Noah lifts his head a little.

“Yeah?”

“I’m so fucking proud of you .” 

“Fuck.” Noah covers his face with his hands and weeps into them. He doesn’t even realize how much he needed to hear those words until they’re spoken to him. 

“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. I’m lucky that I’ve been able to see you through all this shit that life’s thrown at you. Getting older with you like this, being able to love you like this.” Now it’s Nick’s turn to talk, and his voice is wavering all the way through. Between the two of them, he’s probably the one that’s more in tune with his emotions. In cases like these, yeah. He’ll cry.

“I love you so fucking much Nick you don’t even know, I wish I had the words to describe it but I don’t and...” Noah’s words are muffled through his hands. He sobs again.

“I love you. I don’t need you to describe how much you love me, I feel it. I know it.” Nick reaches up to wipe at his eyes. This is not the sort of thing he expects at 4AM on a Tuesday, but he still wouldn’t trade it for the world.

“I know, I just wish I could.” Noah finally moves his hands away, and he cringes at the sight of how blotchy and red his face is. “Fuck. Ugh.” He reaches offscreen to grab a tissue.

For a moment, there’s a comfortable silence between them. No words, and that’s okay. They just look at each other and maybe there’s an unspoken conversation between them, a mutual understanding of the love they share. An understanding that doesn’t require a single word nor syllable.

“I think we should grow old together. So we can be two grouchy old men in some nursing home.” Nick speaks up first, and though it’s a stupid thing to say it makes Noah chuckle anyway.

“Jeeeesus, imagine us in a nursing home. You think I’ll still be able to growl when I’m that old?”

“I hope so. It’d scare the shit out of the nurses. They’d think you need an exorcism.”

They’re both cracking up laughing at the thought. A 93 year old Noah, growling like a demon straight out of hell, probably causing some poor soul to piss themselves. With his tired and constantly disapproving husband next to him, probably still headbanging along next to him.

“Fuck, that’s funny.” By the time they both stop laughing, Noah’s wiping tears out of his eyes for a new, much better reason. “Oh god, I needed that laugh. I’m going to be thinking about that for the next two days.”

“Every time I think of us growing old from now on, that’s what I’m gonna think about and I’m not sure if I like that or hate it.” Nick chuckles, shaking his head as he too, wipes tears from his eyes. “Oh, by the way.”

“Yeah?”

“Is your front door unlocked?” 

“Uhhh, no? Why?”

“Unlock it, I’m coming over.” Nick holds his phone firmly as he stands up, looking around on his bedroom floor for his shoes.

“What? Dude, it’s 4 in the morning.” Noah’s eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are wide at how dead serious his boyfriend is being about this.

“I’m lonely and I miss you.”

Noah stares at him through the screen for a minute, realizing how his words have been thrown right back at him, and his heart warms in his chest. He really is so lucky.

“So are you just gonna sit there or are you gonna unlock the door?” Nick chuckles at the lovestruck expression on Noah’s face, and even more so at the way he snaps out of it. By now, he’s grabbed his coat and he’s just about to leave his house.

“Yeah! Yeah. I’ll go do that.”

“See you soon. I love you.”

“Love you too, Nick.” Call ended.

That night, Noah’s fingers are idly tracing the moon patterns on each of Nick’s fingers, and he is absolutely certain that there truly is no contest; Nicholas Ruffilo will always be far prettier than the moon.

Nick’s free hand plays with Noah’s dark brown locks, and only then does he think he has no preference on how long his hair grows. He’ll play with it like this either way.

The sun and the moon are together just as they should be. Eclipse.

[darksideoftheshipps]

Here we go.

Nicholas/Noah Star Wars universe moodboard.

Do you want more?

I will deliver more of this.

Requests for moodboards are still open 🖤

(I do only queercoded moodboards)

[mysticdoodlez]

MY BABIES

Dramamine—Epilogue

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Nick Ruffilo

Series Summary: Cynical, brooding bartender Nick meets too-earnest, pretty boy singer Noah when The Rabbit's Foot starts hosting an open mic night.

CW: fluffy boy things, a little hurt/comfort, a little crying

Word Count: 995

Author’s Note: i'm a little sad to be parting with these babies for now. endless thank yous to everyone who has read and enjoyed my little thing. thank you most especially to @darksigns-exe for the original idea and your unending support and @circle-with-me for putting up with all my babble <3

dividers by @cafekitsune 💐

Sleep has escaped them tonight, the downpour pattering softly against the window. The television plays quietly, a docuseries that Noah had wanted to watch but they’ve both long forgotten. Their conversation has lulled, leaving a comfortable silence between the two of them.

Noah’s fingers run carefully through his hair as Nick finally feels himself drifting off to sleep. With his head resting on Noah’s tummy, he’s wrapped around him so tightly, not wanting a bit of space between them. He finds solace in the sound and feeling of his steady breathing.

He’s not used to his head being so quiet. None of the gnawing, the racing, the doubts, the fear, the agony. Suddenly, it’s all just quiet and Noah.

Noah’s ring gets caught in a tangle, whispering out a whoops, sorry, baby before fixing Nick’s hair and massaging his scalp. He’s almost purring when his mind shifts itself rapidly to red painted nails, pretty fingers, gumball machine rings—the way they used to lay together just like this on quiet nights, her fingers gentle through his hair.

With bated breath, he waits to feel the panic settle deep in the pit of his stomach. Instead, as the moments pass, the only thing he feels is right. He feels her tender touch in Noah’s and it feels like permission, like she’s telling him it’s okay to loosen his grip and hand himself over to someone else.

He smiles to himself, placing kisses to the soft skin of Noah’s belly, feeling him vibrate with ultra-ticklish chuckles. He readjusts, peering up to see Noah looking down at him with adoration, and he knows.

He never imagined he would let himself be happy again, but he carved out space for this boy around all of his things, little alcoves in his heart between traumas and he just fits. He fills all the previously empty spaces with things that Nick never imagined himself deserving. He’s never been so positive about something.

“I love you,” Nick says, feeling shockingly steady and sure as he allows himself to finally admit it. Noah’s smile is immediate, dazzling, always enough to make Nick swoon for him. A hand cups his cheek and he feels safer here with him than he has anywhere for a long time. “You knew that, right?”

“I was starting to suspect it,” Noah responds. Nick finds himself burrowing into him, suddenly shy. “It’s nice to be told.”

There’s a piece of him worried that Noah doesn’t feel it, that he put him through too much, ruined his chances at Noah ever fully settling into this little thing they have.

He can’t lose Noah again. He knows what they have is a real, big, scary, wonderful thing and he’s terrified his admission will be enough to finally scare him away.

“You don’t have to say it back,” Nick adds meekly, hiding his face in Noah’s tummy. He hadn’t noticed tears falling until his face is being tilted up, Noah’s thumb gently wiping them away. Looking up at him, all of the worries wash away. Every worry he’s ever had is lost to Noah’s gaze. “I just wanted you to know.”

“Oh, honey. Come up here for me, please,” Noah says, tucking Nick’s hair gently behind his ear. He feels so small. Nick sits up, crawling as close to Noah as he can. He feels warm everywhere Noah’s lips touch him—his cheeks, his forehead, his lips, his neck. There’s still a vague disquiet when Noah opens his mouth that’s immediately soothed when he speaks. “I love you so much, Nicky. I’ve loved you this whole time.”

He feels his heart threatening to thud out of his chest when he remembers that Noah knows everything. Noah knows every sordid little detail of Nick’s life and it hasn’t scared him away. He loves him anyway.

He watches as his own hand is taken in Noah’s, from its original spot in the curve of Noah’s clavicle. Noah is so steady as he traces his fingers along Nick’s mutilated hands, sure in the kisses he presses along his knuckles.

Noah sees him, sees everything, and still chooses to stay. He doesn’t complain or show discomfort as he makes himself smaller to fit himself into the spaces that Nick has made for him—

He’s been so patient, carving out space for Jasmine in their relationship instead of asking for more for himself. He’s been so accommodating to Nick’s every last need. He’s made Nick and his comfort a priority, done it so effortlessly that it was impossible to see him struggling.

“You’re my priority now, okay?” Nick says, noticing for the first time since he got them the way that his hands no longer tremble when touches are placed to the scars that mar him. Not when it’s Noah. Noah has turned his life into something so wonderful, and he doesn’t want Noah to make himself small for him anymore. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get there.”

Nick has never felt smaller as he’s pulled fully into Noah’s embrace, never safer as Noah wraps himself around him, a hand on the back of his head as Nick buries his face in Noah’s neck.

There’s no embarrassment left in him as he sobs into his skin, disgusting sniffling sounds muffled into the juncture of his neck and shoulder. There’s no reason for him to be embarrassed, he finds, not when he’s here. Not when a gentle kiss is being placed to the top of his head and Noah’s arms are running up and down his back, soothing him with such practiced care.

He didn’t have to unlove her to love him, just like Noah said. And he loves him so much. He would have done anything in the world to be able to keep him.

“It’s all right, Nicky. I knew you’d get there,” Noah says, calming any remaining nerves and doubts that Nick had left. “I was happy to wait for you in the meantime.”

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