#noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

concreteburialplot · 2 years ago

Text

Draped Across

pairing: noah x fem!reader x nicholas

masterlist: here | crossposted: ao3 | word count: 2.8k

warnings: established thruple, dom nick. switch noah, sub brat reader, spanking, degrading?, brat taming, cuckolding??, noah being nick's little helper, nick is so angry he doesn't speak?, piv (unprotected). creampie, porn without plot?, oral (f recieving), contactless orgasm? kinda?, cute tooth-rotting aftercare/sub space, the boys love cringey petnames here SORRY in advance, noah is obedient for once in his fucking life, 18+ MDNI

summary: you act up and end up draped over noah's lap while nick uses you :)

a/n; i rarely do porn w/o plot or really anything this short, but i just needed to get this out. pls enjoy 💗 [as with anything i write involving nick this got really grossly soft at the end I'M SORRY]

Your sassy mouth and disobedient behavior had landed you draped across Noah’s lap with your shorts and panties drawn down around your thighs.

His large hand lands a smack hard on the meat of your ass sending a sizzling jolt of pain up your spine causing you to buck up a bit. His spanks always hurt the worst with the size of his hand.

Nicholas had grown silent from his seething, knowing that if he said anything it would be out of line, so he let Noah take over for him.

“Now, you’ve really upset him, flower.” Noah uses his favorite nickname for you in a sweet but patronizing tone.

Noah roughly shoves your shorts further down your legs until Nick all but rips them off your body. His hand lands another smack on your ass followed by a hard grip that helps to pull your cheeks apart. His slender fingers slither between your legs, parting your lips.

Faster than you can process, Nick uses his boot to spread your feet apart, baring you open for him completely.

Noah’s fingertips linger by your near dripping entrance, “Oh what’s wrong did that make you wetter? Having your pretty pussy on display for him?”

You whine and squirm in his lap, knowing that his words were embarrassingly true.

Another hard smack causes you to yelp, “I asked you a question. Now answer me,” His fingertips circling your entrance, putting the slightest pressure to tease. “Are you such a little slut that you get off on being on display for us?”

“Grrh, yes.” You admit a small defeat and buck your hips up towards his fingers. “Yes, I like being on display for you.”

Noah’s middle and ring fingers dip inside you, just the tips though, gently scissoring you open. Your eyes widen knowing exactly what that meant.

The sharp sound of zipper rings from behind you, filling the room.

Noah fingertips spread your pussy open as much as it would allow. You hear Nicholas spit, followed the squelching of his hand around his cock.

Fear and anticipation pools in your tummy for the delicious burn his cock would bring.

His large, swollen tip slides between your folds and you shudder at his size. Butterflies unleash in your belly when he grazes your buzzing clit.

You wiggle around Noah’s lap both in excitement and terror, earning you another hard smack with his free hand. “Stay fucking still.” He demands, then harshly grasping your hip to stabilize you. “Be good and take it.”

A loud gasp leaves your mouth when you feel Nick press into you, stretching you around his cock. You hiss at the sting of it. He takes his time just getting into you but not much after, using his full force to dive straight into you. A sharp cry leaves your mouth when his tip lands hard into the deepest part of you. The direct impact into your core shoots pain up through your stomach; your eyes screw closed and suck in a harsh breath through your teeth.

Your whole body stills when you feel a pair of hands that aren’t Noah’s snake around your hips. The feeling of it simultaneously soothes and frightens you. Nick’s thumbs rub circles into the divots of your lower back. He’s angry with you, you know. But the small gesture grounds you a bit.

He pulls from you almost completely before landing hard into you again and starts building momentum rutting in and out of you. The pain of the stretch slowly melts away the more you adjust to him and you’re able to savor in him filling you entirely. It’s hard to even clench around his girth.

“Fuck.” You mutter out and his hands curl into your hips sternly, holding you firmly in place as he nearly splits you in half.

Noah gently tucks a chunk of hair behind your ear, “You take him so well.”

Rosy pink coats your cheeks at his compliment.

Noah’s length had been poking at your tummy the whole time you’d been on his lap but now he very subtly readjusts beneath you to let his own cock free. He lets it rest in the dip of your waist, just enjoying the movement of your entire body being fucked in his lap.

His fingers find their way back between your legs, his index and middle parting around Nicholas, just feeling where he enters you. You hear a groan rumble in Noah’s chest and feel his member throb and bounce against your exposed skin. He loves feeling him fucking you, getting some sort of twisted pleasure in being deprived of both of you.

“Now, say you’re sorry for being a disobedient little brat.” Noah commands.

You whine and wriggle in his lap keeping your mouth shut. As with most times, you wanted to see how far you could push their buttons.

“I said, say you’re sorry.” Another hard smack lands on your ass from Noah, this one harder than before. “Now you’re gonna have to count.”

You knew better than to not comply to that demand.

“One.”

“We’re still not hearing the words I asked.”

Another smack.

“Two.”

The burn of it lets you know that your ass is definitely bright red by now – which explains Nick’s acceleration, he loves seeing marks on you.

Two more hard spanks – Noah’s obviously getting frustrated with you.

“Three – ah – four.” You hiss.

A hand firmly and swiftly wraps your hair around his fist – with the veraciousness of it you know it’s Nicholas. While the gesture is painful and jarring, it releases a flurry of butterflies in your core. Your back arches up to Nick as much as it can.

“Don’t make him ask.” Noah warns with another smack.

You could defy Noah all day, easy, but Nicholas makes you weaker and breaks you down faster.

“Ah – fuck.” You suck in a breath. “Fuck, fine, I’m sorry!”

Noah glances up at Nick verifying if he’s satisfied with your answer although he already knows the response.

“Not good enough. Try again.” Noah’s hand grasps your hip to readjust you into a firmer position. “And you missed one, start over.” Followed by a new first spank.

“Fuck.” You mutter, the sting on your ass beginning to cross your pain threshold – but not quite enough yet. “One.”

Another, this one prickling tears in your eyes.

“Fuck!” You yelp. “Two.”

“I said, try again.”

Another, this one being the hardest and most painful one yet, definitely leaving a hand-shaped bruise.

“Ah! Three! Fuck!” You cry. “I’m sorry!”

Noah’s sizable hand gently rubs over the marks forming across your cheeks. “For what babydoll?” He pries.

“For being disobedient!” Tears welling in your eyes.

You feel his hand lift and hover over you again. “Don’t make me ask again.”

“Gah – fuck, fine – I’m sorry for being a disobedient little brat!” You repeat back the full statement with your voice cracking.

“Good girl.” He hums. The praise makes your heart swell. He again tucks your hair behind your ear, noticing the tears streaming down your face. “Oh, what’s wrong darling? Can’t handle the punishment for your behavior?”

His mean words worsen the buzzing in your clit and the ceased spanking lets you focus on Nick’s fat cock destroying you.

“Mmm.” You moan involuntarily.

“Oh,” Noah smirks, his fingers finding where Nick meets you again. “Or is it his big fucking cock spreading you open that’s making you cry?”

“Mhm.” You hum, reveling in the burn of it.

“Here let me help.” His fingers wrapping around the base of Nick’s cock and even with the added size of Noah’s fist, Nick is still able to reach into your deepest point. Noah’s cock bouncing against your waist tells you that he likes that fact as much as you do.

Nick seems to love the extra stimulation too, his thrusts getting viciously fast, fucking you dizzy.

“I know, it’s so much, isn’t it?” He mutters, seemingly entranced with the size as well.

“Uh huh.” You pathetically spit out, your body just a vessel for their pleasure.

Noah pushes your hair to the other side of your neck with his free hand. “Tell me baby, who’s little slut are you?” He asks. “Who do you belong to?”

“F-fuck.” You’re so turned on and so wet that you feel like the slightest pressure on your clit could unravel you. “You.”

His fingers unwrap from Nick and glide down through your folds, halting just before your bud.

“Wrong.”

Your eyes widen realizing your mistake when the fingers around your hips dig into your hipbone painfully.

“Fuck – His.”

“Oh baby, c’mon, you know better than that. Who owns your pretty pussy hm? Who do you belong to?”

“Nick!”

“Good girl.” He praises, his fingertips now grazing your clit. “Again. Louder.”

“Nick.” You moan out louder than before, this time coming from your chest, between heaving breaths.

“Good girl.” He repeats with his fingers beginning tight circles into your swollen nub. “Louder. Again.”

A tight knot begins to form in your tummy, the feeling of being just a plaything to them sets your skin ablaze. “Nick!”

“Louder, c’mon you can be louder than that. You know he loves it when you scream.”

“Fuck! - Nick! Nick!”

Noah’s fingers speed up alongside of Nick’s thrusts. His momentum getting quick and sloppy, clearly just as close as you.

“Nick. Nick. Nick.” You mindlessly repeat with your head so fuzzy and full of him that he’s all you could think of.

“That’s it baby, just like that.” Noah spits down on his own member, still just getting stimulation from your fucked body moving against him. “He’s close, you just gotta wait, okay? Can you do that?”

You nod, still just repeating his name like a prayer, the brink of your orgasm clearing your mind of anything else.

Finally, Nick groans deeply and lands hard in you with his cock twitching, painting your walls white and filling you completely.

“Okay baby, let go for us, will you?” Noah doesn’t even finish his statement before you’re blinded by your own orgasm.

Screams and curses of Nick’s name rip from your throat as euphoria washes over you, your skin buzzing as Nick continues to fuck you through his climax.

Whiny, desperate moans tumble from Noah’s lips as you feel his warm cum splay all over your back, completely hands free.

You fall limp across Noah’s lap, your breathing in sync with each other. While Noah was in control this session, it’s always Nicholas behind the wheel.

He belongs to him as much as you do.

There’s a bit of an exchange between them you can’t quite make out since you’re still coming down from your high but all you feel is them moving you around like a ragdoll. Suddenly you realize you’re now draped across Nick’s lap.

“Knees.” He instructs Noah, the first thing he’d said this whole time.

Noah obeys, landing on his knees behind your dripping core.

“Clean her up.”

Your eyes widen at his words and almost instantly his tongue brushes through your folds and dips into your entrance.

“Good boy.”

Noah hums happily against you at the praise.

Nick’s fingers tracing through your hair tenderly. “You did so good angel. Did you learn your lesson?”

“Mhm.”

You’re torn between humming and melting into his touch or releasing the moan building in your tummy. Noah seemingly enjoys his task, eating you like he’s been starving for a lifetime, practically sucking Nick’s cum right out of you.

“I know he hurt you quite a bit didn’t he bunny?” He asks quietly, just loud enough for you to hear. His voice is soft and gentle, much different than how he was just talking to Noah or anything he would’ve said if he had spoken while he was inside of you.

You begin to nod but hiss in pain when Noah’s tongue grazes the base of your entrance where Nick stretched you out the most. Noah pauses for a second before pressing his lips to the sensitive area.

“Maybe we should go wash up huh? Get you guys in a nice warm bath.” Nick’s hand finds your cheek to support your head. “Does that sound good?”

“Mhm.” You hum tiredly and nuzzle into his palm.

“Okay. When he’s done, we’ll get you both nice and clean. Maybe put an ice pack on your pretty, red ass?”

“Please.”

“You both did so good for me. Noah did a good job taking control didn’t he?” Nick asks.

“Mhm.” You nod with a lazy smile, barely able to keep your eyes open as the chemical rush begins to crash and take its toll on you.

Once Noah finishes cleaning you up, Nick carries you over to a large corner bathtub. Noah takes the initiative to start filling the tub at a good temperature. He even takes a scoop of bath salts with dried rose petals and spreads them across the filling tub to help with the pain.

“You want some bubbles bunny?” Nick asks Noah sweetly. The nickname directed at him this time makes his cheeks turn bubblegum pink. “Or maybe a bath bomb?”

He nods quickly at the bath bomb suggestion, very clearly slipping into a deep sub space of his own.

Nicholas gently places you in the tub while Noah goes to a container filled with bath supplies. He returns with a blue spaceship cupped in both hands, the edges of it bubble and fizz in his palms since his hands were still wet from testing the water.

“Good choice.” Nick beams at him and gestures to the tub. “C’mon, don’t let it fizz all in your hands.” He teases.

Noah excitedly gets in the tub but slow enough to not disturb you. Nick nods when Noah goes to ask if he’s allowed to set it down yet.

The spaceship sizzles in the warm water and spins slowly in the waves. Dark blue, purple, pink, and even a bit of shimmery gold start to fizzle out from the ship soon staining the water a dark galaxy.

Nick sits at the edge of the tub with just his legs in the water with you nestled between them. While soaking, he carefully washes and conditions your hair. His fingers skillfully comb through your locks, gently breaking up any knots. Once he’s washed out all the soap he moves to your scalp, softly massaging it as you rest your head on his thigh. You hum in contentment.

Once he’s made sure you’re satisfied, he moves on to Noah, taking his long hair between his hands just as he did with yours.

Your eyelids are heavy as you watch Noah pick three rubber duckies – one pink, one yellow, one blue – from the edge of the tub and precariously place them into the water. His eyes are soft and mesmerized as he watches them spin alongside the drifting bath bomb remnants. The twirling colors and duckies lull him into a comforting, hyper-fixated trance. Noah hums against Nick’s thigh, his eyes matching yours in their sleepiness.

The space between you three is quiet but peaceful, comfortable, and full of love.

Nicholas unplugs the tub, and the water begins to drain slowly. If you had anymore fight left in you, you’d push to stay in longer but all you want to do is get nuzzled between your boys in bed.

He brings you both plush towels and helps you dry off. Before you’re able to get dressed, you’re once again across Nick’s lap off the edge of the bed, but this time for a much different reason. He squeezes out some healing gel-cream into the palm of his inked hand and carefully spreads it across your bruised cheeks. The coolness of the cream helps ease and numb the pain. It brings you comfort knowing that while both of them can be quite mean in the moment, they will always be soft with you like this afterwards.

“Does that feel better?” He asks and you nod. “Good.” He smiles softly. “I picked out some PJs for you on the dresser if you wanna bring them over?”

You carefully peel yourself from his lap and bring over the silk PJs. He holds open the shorts for you to step into and helps slip the top over your head. His hands cup your cheeks and tilts your face up to him. “I love you.”

His eyes lean more grey in the dim light of your bedroom. You beam sweetly up at him and nuzzle into his palm. “Love you more.”

Abruptly, Noah pulls himself on his knees to the edge of the bed and throws his lanky arms around both of your necks. “Love you most!”

You giggle at Noah’s silliness and how the squeeze squished you into Nick’s chest. You’d stay squished there forever by them if you could.

Shortly after, you three get cozy in bed – you curled around knocked-out Noah and Nick curled around you. Being smushed between their bodies means that the smell of their mixed colognes cocoons you in your favorite scent. With a deep inhale, you take in the moment. You were exactly where you belong.

No one could ever take away how perfectly you three fit together.

tag list; @darksigns-exe @deathblacksmoke @ladyveronikawrites @blackveilomens @somebodyels3 @shilohrosechicken @th4t-em0-k1d @midnight-eternals @hedonists

a/n; thank you for reading if you did! smut isn’t really my strong suit so i apologize if it wasn't that good 😬 and IM SORRY IT WAS MUSHY AT THE END OKAY………

Thank you for any support you guys ever give me on any of my works, it truly means the world to me that you guys enjoy my words and lil plots.

let me know if you liked it! i love hearing your thoughts

#don't think about the logistics too much ok #sorry about the names okAY #concreteburialplot works #nicholas ruffilo fanfic #nicholas ruffilo fic #nick ruffilo fanfic #nick ruffilo rpf #nick ruffilo x reader #nick ruffilo fanfiction #nicholas ruffilo x reader #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens rpf #nicholas ruffilo rpf #nick ruffilo smut #nicholas ruffilo smut #noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo

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sitkowski · 1 year ago

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permission ( noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo )

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x noah sebastian cw: 18+ MDNI ⚠️ d/s undertones, chastity devices (cock cage), barebacking, choking, face slapping, overstimulation, degradation, praise kink. finally, someone is nice to him…in his own special way. word count: 1.7k author's note: hashtag noah is free. the conclusion to this mini series! this started with one little picture of folio and noah and just spiraled, but thank you to those who encouraged this and screamed at me about it, love you guys!! divider by @saradika-graphics

⇉ masterpost || taglist signups || locked mini series masterpost

Noah takes a long, hot shower because he knows that Nick will probably keep him waiting a little bit longer. It gives him time to process the night. It’s not as if he’s ashamed of it, in fact he’s pretty proud of himself. He knows he earned that key, just like Nick said he would. A part of him was expecting to be exhausted from the combination of the show and then meticulously working his way down the line of his friends. But his adrenaline is still running high, and he simply dries off haphazardly and sprawls out on the bed to wait.

He doesn’t touch the cage, it’s not his to touch. Even if he’s the one who picked it out, the one who ultimately gets the choice whether or not to wear it. It’s been a longer stretch this time, but Noah likes it. He likes the control it gives him, and he knows that Nick likes the control it gives him over Noah. When Noah came to him with this idea, this way to earn his way out by the end of the tour, Nick had been all for it. He’d never deny Noah anything.

The sound of the key in the door startles him a little, but he stays laying across the bed. Nick steps into the room, freezing when he sees him there, naked except for his cage. Noah gets that same feeling he always gets when he’s in the same room with Nick, like being at the top of a rollercoaster. He knows what’s coming, feels the drop of anticipation in his stomach every single time.

“Hi.” he breathes out.

“God, fucking look at you,” Nick mutters softly. He shrugs out of his jacket, reaches back and pulls off his t-shirt and throws it aside. Noah’s eyes immediately go to the key. “You've been a good boy for me? You know I’m going to ask them.”

He feels himself go hot all over at Nick’s question, and all he can do is nod his head. That’s not good enough for Nick though, he stalks over to the bed and grabs Noah by the jaw none too gently. The way he switches from sweet to mean always throws Noah for a loop, and he lives for it. If he could get hard right this second, he would. As it is, he’ll do and say whatever Nick wants to get him to take the cage off.

“Yes, Nicky!” He blurts out, speaking as best he can with the way Nick is squeezing his face. “I was good, I promise.”

Nick reaches his free down and wraps his hand around the cage, and Noah has to fight to stay still. Tears sting the corners of his eyes and he blinks rapidly.

“I believe you.” Nick promises, and it draws a relieved sob from Noah’s lips. Nick lets go of his face, leans down so their lips are just touching. The key dangles between them, tickling Noah’s throat. “I told you what you’d get if you were good. You wanna undo the clasp for me?”

Trying not to appear too eager, Noah sits up, reaching beneath Nick’s hair and undoing the chain that holds the key. Nick takes it off, kneeling on the bed and fitting the key into the lock. The sound of it being undone rattles around in Noah’s head and he can’t breathe as Nick pulls the cage off. He doesn’t touch Noah any more than he has to, not right away. A desperate plea escapes Noah’s throat and he paws at Nick’s shoulders, pulling him into a kiss. He whines and whimpers against his lips, trying to ground himself and failing.

“After all the dick you’ve had today, you still want more, huh? We should have just lined the whole crew up outside that bathroom and let them have a turn.”

“No.” Noah says, shaking his head. His entire body is shaking.

Nick pulls back and slaps his cheek, not too hard but enough to shock Noah and make his mouth fall open in some combination of confusion and arousal.

“No? You’re telling me no? If you’ve got something to say, it’s not that.”

“I just meant that I didn’t want that tonight. I want…” Noah trails off with uncertainty, looking down.

“Ah, no,” Nick’s voice still has that hard edge to it, and it shouldn’t make him as hard as it does, but there’s just something about him sounding so mean when Noah also knows how soft he can be with him that just does something to his brain. “You did everything I asked of you tonight. So you speak up and tell me what you want. It’s yours.”

“I want to fuck you.”

It’s been weeks since he’s been allowed, and if he gets to pick his reward, it’s this, getting to be inside of him again. Nick moves back and for a split second, Noah thinks something is wrong, but he’s just stripping out of the rest of his clothes and snatching the bottle of lube from where Matt left it on the dresser earlier. He comes back to the bed, planting a hand in the middle of Noah’s chest and shoving him back against the pillows. Noah expects him to climb on top of him, but he doesn’t, instead laying at his side and kissing him.

He’s been as patient as he can be the past few weeks, and if Nick can’t taste his desperation by now, it would be a miracle. He finally lays back on the pillows, letting Noah fit himself between his thighs.

“I’m probably not gonna last—”

“I don’t give a fuck,” Nick laughs, not meanly. “Cause you wanna know a little secret? I knew this is what you were going to want, and I snuck off and got myself ready for you in the bathroom before I left the guys. So c’mon, get inside of me already.”

All Noah can do for a second is curl himself over Nick and press his forehead into his chest, trying to breathe. Nick, as he does with everything else involving Noah, understands completely and just silently pets Noah’s hair.

Finally, Noah sits back on his knees and pulls Nick’s thighs over his. He grabs the lube, slicking up his cock and pressing it against Nick’s hole. A part of him thinks he should prep him more, but Nick isn’t having that. He reaches out and grabs onto Noah’s hips, digging his fingers in hard.

“Do I have to start begging to get you to get with the program?” he asks, voice already tight with need.

Noah would have honestly paid to hear Nick beg him, but he knew he’d pay for it later. He gives himself a few more strokes, already so hard it hurts a little. Dragging one of Nick’s legs up higher, he lines himself up and pushes in, closing his eyes tight. Nick feels perfect, like he was made for Noah. In some twisted way, his brain associates this with his cage. Him being the only one who gets to have Noah like this, the way they fit together. It does something to him.

He feels another quick, stinging slap to his cheek and his eyes fly open. Nick’s gazing up at him with an almost amused expression. “Did you forget? Eyes on me.”

“Sorry,” Noah gasps out, hips twitching forward until he’s fully inside of him.

Maybe he feels a little vindicated with the way he sees Nick’s eyes go a little unfocused, lips parting on a moan that Noah can feel beneath his hand on his chest. When Nick grabs that hand and pulls it up to his neck, Noah shudders against him.

“You can, it’s okay,” Nick promises, voice softer. “Come on, just like I taught you.”

Noah presses his fingers into the appropriate places on Nick’s throat, like he did teach him. Nick draws in a sharp breath and Noah presses harder as he pulls almost all the way out and shoves back in. He counts, beneath his breath, as the seconds tick by. Nick’s eyes roll back in his head, and Noah presses and releases on his throat after a few seconds.

When Nick sucks in air, Noah blankets him with his body and kisses him, stealing that breath away. He tries to be careful, tries to drag this out as long as he can for him. His hips stutter, he wants to go harder but he’s not sure if that’s what Nick wants from him.

“You’re not gonna break me, Noah. Take it, take your reward,” Nick murmurs against his mouth, tongue brushing his bottom lip.

Noah takes him at his word. He grabs onto Nick’s hands, pinning them up above his head and lacing their fingers together before he rocks into him faster and his control slips. Nick locks his legs around him and bites at his throat, spurring him on and the second Noah feels him clench down around him, it’s over. He spills inside of him with a groan, pressing his face into his throat. It seems to go on forever, and he all but collapses on top of Nick.

He’s aware that Nick pulls his hands free and is petting his fingers down his back. He nudges Noah’s chin up, kissing him slowly.

“Lift up a bit. Don’t pull out yet,” he tells him and Noah nods.

Nick gets a hand between the two of them, wrapping his fingers around his cock and stroking himself quickly. Noah can’t look away, eyes glued to the way his tattooed fingers move. Every strangled gasp Nick lets out sinks into his skin and he presses his mouth to Nick’s chest. He feels overwhelmed and wrung out, but he won’t move, not until he knows Nick wants him to.

When Nick finally comes, he gives a little nod after catching his breath, and Noah leans back to pull out slowly. His eye twitches a little bit at the sight of his come leaking out of Nick and he can’t help but reach down and delicately push it back inside.

“Oh you fucker,” Nick gasps, writhing against the bed before laughing a little, grabbing onto Noah’s wrist. “I will absolutely put your ass back in that cage now. Behave.”

Noah grins, leaning back over to kiss him. “That’s really not the threat you think it is.”

⇉ taglist:

@ladyveronikawrites @baddestomens @circle-with-me @deathblacksmoke

@malice-ov-mercy @dominuslunae @sorrowsofsilence @collapsedglasshouses

@th4t-em0-k1d @illmakeyousaywow @blackveilomens @vinyardmauro

@thatchickwiththecamera @collidewiththesavannah

#noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo #bad omens fic #bad omens fanfic #noah sebastian fic #nicholas rufilo fic #.ficbysitkowski

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deathblacksmoke · 1 year ago

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Masterlist: Dramamine

COMPLETE

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Nick Ruffilo

Series Summary: Cynical, brooding bartender Nick meets too-earnest, pretty boy singer Noah when The Rabbit's Foot starts hosting an open mic night.

Content Warnings: angst, pining, self-doubt/self-hatred, oral sex (m receiving), past trauma, mentions of death, minor character death, self-harm/violence, hurt/no comfort, hurt/comfort

title from “dramamine” by modest mouse.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | epilogue

One-shots: the gentlest feeling

Sweet Disposition: prologue

Spotify playlist | Fic tag

#bad omens fic #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens rpf #nick ruffilo fic #nick ruffilo fanfiction #nick ruffilo rpf #nicholas ruffilo fic #nicholas ruffilo fanfiction #nicholas ruffilo rpf #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian rpf #noah sebastian x nick ruffilo #noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo #deathblacksmoke works #fic: dramamine

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saythatuwill · 6 months ago

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i love you (for infinity) ☾☼

The moon God, Nicholas, is looking forward to having a nice night during the full moon. An unexpected visit makes it even better.

this fic is also available on ao3! read it here: i love you (for infinity) ; ao3 version

hello there! my name is sherry, and i am a bad omens/sleep token writer who has mainly only posted their work on ao3, and promoted it on twitter. this is the first fic i'm bringing to tumblr, and i hope you enjoy!

♡ THIS FIC HAS IMPLIED SEXUAL CONTENT. MINORS DNI! ♡

Slow hands emerge themselves in the sparkling waters, the cool temperature almost making them pull back. The waterfall’s effortless melody plays on as it always does, and the moon breathes deeply, in and out, as he basks in the comfortable atmosphere. The evening’s breeze rustles the trees around him, but he does not mind; it’s another instrument in nature’s symphony.

The moon enjoys nights like these more than anything, a time for him to simply be while the world turns naturally. His hands withdraw from the waters and move to the stardust-covered veil on his head. With careful precision, he lifts it up to stare down at his reflection. Those bright eyes of his stare back at him, his eyelashes holding onto flecks of moondust. He knows better than to try to blink it away; it never has worked.

Dark hair frames his face and dangles down, but he doesn’t care. He’s more intent right now on admiring how he looks tonight; his garments blow in the wind and glitter with the crushed bits of stars. His typically soft blue irises have a silver glow to them; it’s to be a full moon tonight on Earth. At last, he doesn’t have to cover his face with this pesky veil, even if only for a night. Being able to appreciate the forest above the center of the Earth for all that it is is a gift in itself.

“Well, you all know the drill now, don’t you?” He speaks to them and they pause their noises to listen, before coming all together to squeak out their agreements. So he moves through the trees, hovering just above ground with a trail of moondust in his wake until he arrives at his spot. It’s a makeshift area he turned into where he spends his pastime; surrounded by the flora and fauna of these mystical woods.

He rises slowly, and as he does he can hear the chattering and whispers from behind him. He glances over his shoulder and sure enough, a cluster of stars has arrived to spend the evening with him. The moon is used to this, and as he turns it’s evident the stars are as well. They twirl around him and hover around him like an ethereal aura, whispering their greetings and blessings to him.

The moon steps into the grotto and the stars stay put, knowing that they cannot follow him this far. His presence makes the cave walls glow as he moves further in and prepares himself a cup of sage tea, and as it’s poured into his cup he breathes in the calming aroma.

Then something peeks through the trees. It’s bright, but it’s gone so quickly that the moon isn’t sure if he was hallucinating. Either way, he is vigilant in an instant, setting the cup down on the saucer and looking around. He looks to the stars to see if they had noticed that sudden flash of light too, but they don’t react very much.

He carefully emerges from the grotto and sets the cup and saucer down on a makeshift table surrounded by ferns, jasmines, and violets. Taking a long sip of the sweet smelling tea, he finds himself enjoying the simplicity of life outside sitting amongst the stars in the galaxies. Another easy evening on a full moon, just as all the ones before it.

“Show yourself.” The moon, usually soft spoken, speaks with a demand to his tone. He rises from his seat, and instinctively he lowers his veil both to cover his eyes and protectively mask himself. While he can’t determine the level of danger from this bright light, it is better to be safe than sorry.

Then it’s there again, but this time, it doesn’t vanish. It lingers. The light is similar to the stars he often spends time with, but it’s brighter than any of them. Far, far brighter, and it doesn’t twinkle very much if at all. Tucked behind a small grouping of trees as if hiding but not doing a very good job at it.

There’s a brief hesitation before the light floats its way closer to the moon, and then it dims as a figure emerges. In an instant, the hesitation and vigilance vanishes from him, replaced with a light annoyance and surprise.

“You scared me, you know.” The moon huffs as the figure grins at him, stepping closer to lightly pull the veil off of his head again. As much as he wants to fuss about it he doesn’t, letting them do it.

“You never seem to get used to my presence, do you, my moon?” The bright man replies as he grins at his companion, his bright aura flickering for a moment as if having a surge of happiness course through his body.

“Well, if you didn’t have such a bravado about it, sun, perhaps I would get used to it.” The moon cannot help the little chuckle that leaves his lips, bringing his own hands up to the sun’s face. He tenderly touches the golden fabric that acts as his blindfold, lifting it up to expose his amber eyes to him.

The sun is the moon’s other half, an ethereal and eternally glowing being in his own right. Short but still wavy brown hair falls into his face, the well crafted headdress nearly falling right off. The symbols of the sun’s rays decorate his cheeks like tears, and it’s only for the moon that he sheds that carefully crafted golden blindfold. His white attire hangs on his body like a sash, the sheer fabric hardly covering his chest, rather wrapping around his shoulders around his lower torso and draping down to his pants of a similar quality. A golden corset-like belt with the symbol of the sun decorates his waist, golden chains fastened on with charms of a similar symbol. The exposed skin of his chest, neck, and under the angel sleeves of his attire show a never ending array of intricate tattoos, as though he is a living kintsugi vase.

Their gazes lock onto each other and that familiar spark courses through their bodies. The gentle and loving smile starts at the moon’s lips, and immediately mirrors itself to the sun’s. If the atmosphere wasn’t already tranquil enough to the moon, it feels as though this has become the most beautiful place in the entire milky way now that they are together.

“I was hoping I’d see you tonight, Nicholas.” The sun whispers as if what he says is a secret, taking the moon’s hands in his own, pressing warm kisses to both of them. “I’m miserable when you’re not here. Dawn and dusk isn’t enough.”

He’s a perfect contrast to the moon in all his glittering glory. Dark hair falls over his shoulders and down his back the same way the cool evening waters did in that waterfall. Those silvery blue eyes glow brighter when he looks at his sun, as if they were always meant to meet like this. His attire covers his shoulders like a shawl, the translucent blue fabric draping down the same way the moon and star charms of his necklaces and belt do. Black tattoos and markings decorate his arms, his chest, and his hands the same, the moon phases on every knuckle. While the sun shines, the moon sparkles. The mix of blues, silvers, and violets of his attire compliment everything the sun is, and vice versa.

“I know, Noah. I know.” Nicholas murmurs his response, sighing in resignation. “If the natural order wasn’t so important, trust me. I’d be here with you every moment of every day. But I have to ask, what’s the occasion? Don’t you know how dangerous this is?”

“Oh come on, live a little. No harm in a little danger and risk when it comes to love, right?” With that, Noah moves towards the table his lover had been sitting at, his touch lingering just a moment longer before releasing his hands. “Do you have some of that tea you make?”

“You’ll have to be more specific.” The moon already knew the answer, but it was more amusing to see him struggle to elaborate on something he wasn’t very well versed in.

“Niiiick,” Noah whines at him, knowing the game all too well. “You know the one. The one you make for me, the really good one!” He sits on the makeshift stone stool across from where Nicholas’ spot clearly is, resting his cheek against his hand.

“I really shouldn’t be offering you tea at all, given how you’re endangering the planet’s natur-”

“The natural order, I know, give me a break just this once. Please?” Then Noah gives him that look, with those irresistible golden eyes of his, and Nicholas knows he can’t win this one. Hell, he never can, not when his partner looks like that.

In no time at all he returns from the grotto once more, setting down a cup of black tea in front of Noah before returning to his own seat. He carefully brings the sage tea to his lips, hooded eyes closing as he embraces the flavor. Noah watches what Nick is doing before echoing his movements in an attempt to seem more elegant than he actually is. It earns him a raised brow from the moon as his eyes open.

“Stop that. You act like you have to pretend around me. Be yourself.” The moon furrows his dark brows, holding the cup in his hands. “You’re hardly poised and quite frankly, I like that about you. Now, you still haven’t answered my question.”

“Sorry,” Noah mutters, setting his cup against the saucer again. It makes a louder clink than he intended, but the moment he goes to apologize again he can feel the staredown. “What was the question again?”

“The reason you’ve come to visit.”

“Ah, right,” the sun folds his arms on the tabletop, “I got lonely, and I missed you.”

“You chose a full moon to miss me?”

“I constantly miss you, Nicholas. Just a little more than usual today is all. Is that so wrong?” Noah frowns at his partner in such a way that makes him look like some sort of sad puppy. Nicholas’ heart clenches in his chest at the sight.

“Never wrong. I miss you, too. And honestly, I can’t think of a better way to spend the full moon than with you. Beats having to look at you through the veil.” Nicholas takes a thoughtful sip of his tea. “If only I’d known you were coming, I would’ve been more prepared. With a meal, or nicer attire or something.”

“You act like you have to impress me. Be yourself. ” Noah throws his words back at him, and the groan he gets in response is enough to make him laugh. “I prefer simple things like this with you. I’m sure we can find something to pass the time. I already have something in mind.”

“If you’re saying what I think you are-”

The sun rises to his feet, taking one long stride to his lover’s side of the table, extending a hand to him. His other arm tucks behind his back, once more attempting to present a little more elegant and regal than he actually is. Nicholas knows what the suggestion is, and with a confused expression, he takes his lover’s hand and stands.

“Someone’s head is ‘in the gutter’, or however the Earthlings say it.” Followed by a wink that earns him yet another groan, “No, maybe later. I have something else.”

“We don’t have music. How are we meant to do this?”

“Well, I know how much you love my voice. I’ll do my best until we don’t need a tempo. Maybe your friends will help us?” Noah glances to the side, nodding to the stars in a friendly greeting. They immediately erupt into excited chirps, shaking around like little bells as they take their own positions.

“I think they’re more than happy to. And it’s always a gift to hear that beautiful voice of yours.” Nicholas hums as Noah rests his hand on his waist, their joined hands raising to take a natural waltz position. When Noah begins his melody, it lacks words, but it’s a song nonetheless. The stars jingle to the beat as they figure out what it is, and their dance begins.

“Look at me.” The sun whispers, his face so close that his hot breath brushes against the moon’s skin. “Don’t you dare look away.” It’s not a request, it’s almost a command, yet they both know that if it were a request, there would be no refusal.

The way they move together is as natural as ocean waves on a beach, and Nicholas swears he could get lost in the sound of Noah’s natural falsetto, or the sight of his intense gaze on him. The moon’s eyes go to close as they usually did during moments like these with him, but they immediately open as Noah’s hand flies from his waist to his cheek.

“Noah…” Their dance has seized, and all the moon can focus on is his lover, and how close their bodies are. Nicholas’ body has always been naturally cold, it came with being what he is, and feeling Noah’s so close has goosebumps crawling along his skin.

Neither seem to register how they lean in, but Noah is the one to initiate their kiss. While most displays of affection they exchanged were soft and shy, this was a different territory. Desperate. Heated. Almost… hungry. But it’s not unwelcome, god why would it ever be unwelcome, and it’s returned with the same fervor.

Their lips move together like a unique dance of their own while Noah walks them backwards. His hands roam his lover’s body, every touch feeling like electricity for them both. Their movement only ceases when Nick is against that very stone table, the teacups forgotten about and knocked over by the force. He makes a mental note to tell his sun off for the damages later, but he wouldn’t interrupt this moment for the world.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Noah speaks against his lips, one hand caging his lover in while the other cradles his face. “You put every planet here to shame. Every star, every galaxy beyond what we know, all of it.”

“If you keep talking to me like that, I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.” Nicholas mumbles in return, sitting atop the table without question. He has his hands in the other’s hair, eventually getting so annoyed by that loose golden headdress that he takes it off of him and throws it to the ground. He just wants more, needs him closer, needs whatever comes next.

“Forgot to tell you something,” Noah gasps against his better judgement when the moon tugs at his brown locks to pull him closer. “Eclipse. Solar eclipse. More time together. Don’t need to rush.”

They pull off each other, the sun’s lower lip between Nicholas’ teeth for a gentle tug before they part. The way they’re looking at each other is wild with intense need and unconditional love; pupils blown wide, lips parted as they catch their breath.

“Completely forgot about that.” Nicholas admits, his tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip. “You’re choosing just now to tell me that?”

“I knew this was gonna happen, just wanted to wait until we got to this point. No better time than now.” Noah laughs through his words, leaning in as far as he can to press his forehead against Nick’s. Their eyes meet, and there’s a brief silence until they’re both chuckling.

“Shit!” Nicholas hisses out in complaint as his eyes open and he sits up, the pleasant dream having been cut short by the dreaded concept of waking up in the morning.

“Cheeky as ever,” Nicholas mused, shaking his head. “No better way to spend an eclipse, let alone a full moon. I have no objections.” A hand slides agonizingly slowly to the front of Noah’s corset, pulling at the laces to get it off.

“Mmn? Wha’s wrong, b’by…” Noah speaks up from beside him, opening one eye just a crack to just barely glance at his boyfriend. “You good?”

“Yeah. Just was having a good dream is all.” Nicholas sighs, rubbing an eye with his hand in exhaustion yet also irritation. “Was just getting good, too.”

“Mmhmm…” Noah yawns, his body heavy as he moves his head from the pillow to Nick’s chest. “That good, huh?”

“Yeah, we were like,” the bassist yawns, “sun and moon gods or somethin’... and it was an eclipse.”

“Sounds like a badass dream. You’re gonna have t’ tell me more about it when we wake up for real.” Noah responds, letting out a tired chuckle as he shifts to get comfortable. Nicholas instinctively wraps an arm around him, kissing the top of his head.

“I think I need to draw it too or something. Holy shit, what a dream.” Nick leans his head back down against the pillow, tired eyes fluttering closed again. A blissful sigh escapes his lips, sleep already threatening to swallow him whole.

“What was jus’gettin’ good about it?” Noah asks, his words slurring together the closer he gets to dozing back off.

“We were about to fuck.”

“Of course we were. Freak.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

“I will. Later, when I tell you about the dream. Go back to bed, dumbass.” Nicholas chuckles, the sound deep in his throat as he pulls Noah a little closer. The chuckle is returned, albeit almost delirious sounding, as the vocalist wraps his arms around his boyfriend like a teddy bear, their bodies comfortably entwined.

The two drift back off into blissful sleep, and Nicholas is more than content to be with his sun like this. Maybe this simple and sweet reality is just as perfect as his celestial fantasy. After all, they have far more time together than what the natural order of the Earth would allow.

That’s more than enough.

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darksideoftheshipps · 1 year ago

Text

"Old friends, same disease"

Finally, it's done.

(I ship them. Well, maybe you've already noticed. :))))

#torri draws #noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo #noah sebastian fanart #bad omens #artist #bad omens cult #noah sebastian #nicholas ruffilo #nicholas ruffilo fanart #bad omens fanart #drawing #metalcore

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ostdreamseeker · 8 months ago

Note

Hey! Hiii! I would Love to read a small angsty Noah x Nicholas! From bad omens. But it won't just be angst, there will also be some action. Basically the idea would be Nicholas saving Noah after some crazy person stab him on Halloween, taking advantage of the fact that the people are dressed up! I don't know, something that makes it clear how much those two love each other, but that also makes me cry haha.

Let your imagination run wild(?)

PS: I've never made a request before. Sorry.

Alright finally got this one done! Oddly happy with how it came out tbh

•··································•··································•

Stomach Ache

Noah Sebastian x Nicholas Ruffilo (Bad Omens)

Word Count: 1,043

Tags: Violence, blood, injury, general angst

Disclaimer: this is fiction and not intended to be an actual depiction of these people, their actions or their relationships in real life

•··································•··································•

Halloween = Noah’s birthday.

The whole band tended to make quite a large deal out of it, but no one even came close to how excited Noah got over it. He’d gone through dozens of group outfit ideas with the band, scrambling to think of something as the boys had left him with full decision over what they worse due to it being his special day.

Eventually though, Jolly and Nick ended up being unable to attend for... Some reason Noah forgot almost immediately. It was hard pushed to say he particularly cared for, his beloved boyfriend, Nic, had still promised to spend the whole day and night with him and in all honesty, Noah didn’t need anything else.

Eventually Halloween rolled around, Noah had himself all done up as Kaneki from Tokyo Ghoul and had dressed Nic up too, a more generic ghoul but his whole look complimented Noah’s own. Thankfully, Nic was very much so on board with Noah’s ‘you’re never too old to trick-or-treat’ theory and was quite gladly being dragged down the street, the darkness slowly settling in as the cool but not quite on the nose breeze brushed past the pair. Everyone had been quite pleasant through the night, despite dealing with two very much so grown men trick-or-treating and they had only been recognised by a couple of very polite fans, and not swarmed like they did fear.

They’d amassed quite the haul this evening, Noah slowly picking through the candy and munching on it as they wandered, Nic had needed to move Noah away from several poles that he was about to have a meet and greet with his forehead while being too busy fishing around in the candy bag. And now they were tired, full of sugar and almost home. They felt like they’d been out all night, even if it was still early compared to the pairs usual sleep schedule. They had plans for just the pair of them tonight, watch some horror movies, have some cake, all just to top of the great Halloween/birthday whombo-combo evening. Thankfully, the last part of the walk home wasn’t too strenuous and the house was already in view.

Nic took his eyes off Noah for one moment.

One moment too long.

He’d just looked away for a second, admiring someone's Halloween decorations in the distance until a blood curdling scream was torn from Noahs lungs and immediately pierced Nic’s ears. Nic’s attention fixated onto Noah immediately, watching him stumble and clutch his stomach, bag of candy immediately lost onto the ground as his body fell into the guitarist’s arms, barely managing to hold himself upright.

“Noah!”

Nic managed to see some masked, knife wielding individual, some horror movie serial killer that he didn’t care for enough to be able to name, running away with an audible cackle, blood dripping from the knife along the sidewalk as he ran, but not enough information to even attempt to file anything for now, not like that would be Nic’s focus anyway. Nic clutched Noah tightly, pressing his hand harder against his stomach wound as the blood seeped through both their fingers.

“Come on, let’s get you inside.”

Slowly but surely, Nic managed to drag Noah inside, most of his weight resting against his own until they barely managed to make it to the bathroom of their shared house, Noah immediately slumping to the ground beside the bathtub the moment Nic let him go. There were a lot of groans and grunts from Noah, although he seemed to eb holding up surprisingly well. With a melody of sighs, grunts and other stressed and aggravated noises, Nic quickly got to work looking over Noahs injury. He carefully moves Noah’s hand away, despite protests, and slipped his upper clothing off. Thankfully, the wound didn’t run as deep as the amount of blood made it seem. It wouldn’t need stitches but it would need attention, gauze, bandages... Just enough things to make Nic’s head spin.

“Stay there, I’m just getting some things.”

“Nic-”

“Shh. You’re okay.”

Noahs pained puppy dog eyes didn’t bring his heart any resolve, nor did the pained whimpers as he moved away to the first aid cabinet. He was back by his side quickly, wiping his blood from his side and the wound carefully, soon taking some antiseptic cream to the wound site before wrapping it gently. Noah gave many cries of protest and grunts of pain as Nic took to his wound, moving around to suit his needs as he twisted the bandage around his torso. Once Nic was done he sat down next to Noah, pulling him into a side hug carefully.

“You okay?”

Noah nodded, properly examining his stomach now and the amount of blood that was over his hands and now all over Nic. Gods, the bathroom was covered in it, actually. It was almost sickening, thankfully the fact the pain was slowly subsiding helped to bring the nauseous feeling down back to his stomach and not all over the floor.

“I’m okay...” His breathing was still heavy as he rest his head against Nic, a small tear slipping from the corner of his eye with a soft chuckle. “All thanks to you. Real ass saver, aren’t you?”

Nic couldn’t help but laugh, of course Noah would crack a joke already, just got stabbed, almost bled out on the bathroom floor, him and his boyfriend are both covered in his own blood... yeah, seems like a great time for a joke. Nic just pressed a kiss to his forehead, his own panic and stress seeping from his mind now. The night had been enough for the pair already, Noah would probably be out of commission for a few days now at least, it was a good thing they didn’t have any shows coming up. Nic had already made his decision on the middle of the floor too, he wasn’t going to be leaving Noah’s side any time soon.

“I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Oh peachy, happy birthday to me I guess.” Noah paused for a second before bringing his gaze over to match Nic’s, his bloody hand gently holding his chin and caressing it. “I love you, I don’t say it enough.”

“I love you too.”

#bad omens #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo #noah sebastian #nicholas ruffilo #band fanfiction #fluff #angst #tw: blood #tw: violence

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measuredingold · 2 years ago

Text

to be in love and to be loved

chapter two: changes

authors note: welcome back! we have successfully made it to chapter two. this one was a bit hard for me to finish because i wanted to get the ball rolling on some things. this chapter switches povs throughout it, but it’ll make sense. was proofread at 1 am so if there’s any mistakes i apologize. as always, enjoy and feedback is always appreciated <3 (p.s. to the person who asked if the title was from a 1d song… it sure is 🖤)

pairing: noah sebastian x ofc x nicholas ruffilo

masterlist / cross-posted on ao3

word count: 9.4k (another doozy)

cw: depicts of anxiety/anxiety attacks, mental health struggles, ~kissing~, lots of angst, 18+ (minors do not interact.)

After his sudden realization, Nicholas learned quickly that he's very good at avoiding things. Like… scary good, actually.

He convinced himself it was the right thing to do, to push those feelings so far into the back of his mind, to the back of his heart, closed off away from the world so things don't get complicated. He can't sit here and say that he hasn't thought about it, because he has, the possibility of him coming out with the truth. It's wishful thinking, but it always makes something stir inside Nicholas, his chest fluttering with excitement. In another life, he thinks, maybe it could work out. Maybe he could be happy. Maybe they could be happy. Together.

He doesn't think this life is as lucky.

So, he avoids it. Acts like it's not there. Things remain the same, for the most part, and Naomi doesn’t bring up the almost kiss. He knows she wants to. Sometimes he finds her watching him when Noah’s not looking, eyes pleading but all he can do is give her a sad smile and look away. As time goes on, she doesn’t silently press anymore, doesn’t give him that look. That’s when he decides that this was the right decision. This is what he needed to do to keep things the same, to keep them here. With him. Even if it wasn’t in the way he wanted it.

He gazes up from the table to find Noah staring at him and glances to his side to find Naomi doing the same. He has to swallow down the impending sadness that seems to be lingering more often these days and puts on a smile, one that they easily return before going back to their conversation while they wait for their food. He feels Naomi's hand settle on his thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze as she speaks animatedly to Noah, and he finds himself leaning his head against her shoulder.

He glances over at Noah again, finding the younger boy staring at him with such softness that it almost makes him feel sick, and all he wishes for right now is to reach over and grab ahold of Noah's hand that's laid across the table. His fingers twitch, but he doesn't move.

Nicholas knows he can't keep living this way and knows that one day this might blow up in his face. This won't last forever, but he's content for now and that's all that matters. He'll let himself live in this moment just a little longer, even if it slowly breaks his heart piece by piece.

…

If you had told Noah that in three years he'd leave his old band, start a whole new project that would lead him to his new band, get signed by a pretty popular label, and end up touring for said label well before their debut album is released, he probably would've called you a fucking liar.

Then he’d have to smack himself when he found out it was true.

Sometimes he has to sit and think about how he deserved all of this; despite all the hard work he’s put into this project. It was his baby, at least that’s what Nicholas liked to call it. And yeah, it was. He put his entire being into Bad Omens, working his ass off for months - years, almost - for this to work out, and as his eyes scan the room to find his bandmates and crew turned best-friends, he likes to think it’s worked out so far.

He can't say he's made it yet, but he has a feeling it’s not too far from his reach.

Noah's gaze snaps towards the back of the room where he hears laughter erupting, and warmth spreads itself across his chest and down his arms, all the way to the tips of his fingers. Naomi and Nicholas work together to bring in boxes of merch for tonight's show, and for some reason he has to try and stop himself from smiling as he watches them.

Nicholas was his first supporter, long before Noah had even roped him into being in the band with him. Naomi came next and Noah was forever grateful for them. He wasn't sure where he'd be without their support, love, and patience, and he tries not to think about it too hard, because he knows he wouldn’t be anywhere without them. Well, anywhere good. They kept him anchored.

Naomi wasn't even supposed to be here originally, but she had surprised the whole crew a few days ago with saved up time from work. She took the whole week off to be with them because she knew an extra hand would do them some good. When she told Noah that he remembers how giddy he had felt, and how excited he was to have her there with them.

"Anything for my boys." She had said on the phone. The memory makes his face heat up and his heart thud wildly against his chest.

Noah perks up, eyes narrowing as he watches Nicholas' hand brush against Naomi's back, leaving it there a beat longer for it to be deemed casual. He can see Naomi's cheeks flush all the way from where he stood, and she leans back, tilting her head up to say something to Nicholas. Noah has no clue what she says, too far away to be in ear shot, and his whole body warms at Nicholas having to bend down to whisper something in her ear. He can hear Naomi's laughter.

He’s sure his face is flushed, and he has to force himself to look away. It's so hard, though. He's not angry, not at them at least. He's not even jealous. He's something he can't exactly explain, and he thinks that's what frustrates him the most.

The way Nicholas' touch looked so delicate even all the way over where Noah was made his head spin, especially with how Mimi leaned into him almost instantly. His mind starts up again and before he could stop, he finds himself wondering what it would be like to have the girl pressed up against him... and Nicholas.

He halts his movements when he almost lost his grip on the box he had been carrying but he finds his footing again, slowly sitting the box down on the stage.

This isn't the first time his mind has gone somewhere that's uncharted. The thought of Naomi pressed in between the two boys has slipped through his mind more than a handful of times, and maybe even some with himself in between them...

He shakes his head to make his thoughts stop and he finds Jolly watching him, a brow raised.

"You good?"

Noah gives him a nonchalant shrug that's far from convincing and his eyes find their way back to the merch table before looking back at Jolly. "Yeah, I'm good. Why?"

“Just wondering.” Jolly follows his gaze and his lips quirk up. "You ever going to tell her?"

Noah crouches down to open up the box he had brought to the stage, quickly glancing at Jolly. He regrets having told the boy his feelings for Naomi one drunken night months ago.

"Tell her what?"

"Dude." Jolly looks unimpressed, lips pressed in a line and all Noah can do is sigh.

"What am I supposed to say, man? Hey, I have feelings for you."

"You can literally say that." It's Noah's turn to look unimpressed and Jolly rolls his eyes. "Seriously! That's all you gotta say."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Because it is easy." Jolly shrugs. " She flew across the fucking country to see you. The feeling is mutual."

"If it was that easy, don't you think I would've done it already?" Noah hisses through his teeth, eyes narrowing at Jolly. The older male rolls his eyes, a huff passing his lips. “Plus, she’s here to see all of us. Not just me.”

"Listen, all I'm saying is that you should do it now before someone else comes along." Jolly's gaze shifts between Noah and then the merch table, before looking back at the younger boy.

Noah's jaw tenses and as he glances that way for a second time just as Mimi reached up to mess with Nicholas’ hair. He says something to her, pulling a goofy face, and she throws her head back in laughter. Noah's stomach drops and he forces himself to look away, feeling Jolly's eyes burn against his skin.

"And it’s starting to look like someone already has."

He can't stop the way his heart pounds rapidly against his chest, the sudden wave of anxiety filling his body. Jolly’s just speaking out of his ass, right? There’s no way that that’s true, though, as he continues to watch Naomi and the way Nicholas is looking down at her, the pit in his stomach begins to grow.

He swallows thickly. "Shut up."

"I’m just saying I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Shut up, Joakim.”

Jolly frowns. “Noah-“

"Please for the love of god," He sucks down a deep breath, and he can feel his throat tightening as each second passes, "shut up."

"When did you become so pissy?" Jolly grumbles, mainly to himself, but Noah hears him.

His jaw tenses and he has to shut his eyes briefly, taking in a deep breath. He stands from his crouched position and glares down at Jolly.

"Maybe because you’re always in my fucking business."

Noah can't explain why he's so... pissy, as Jolly put it, but the males words have wormed their way into his mind and it’s making his skin fucking crawl. His hands have balled into fists at his sides and he has to squeeze his fingers together, taking another deep breath before he turns.

"Where are you going?" Jolly calls after him after he hopped off the stage.

"Away from you."

He doesn't know where he's going, but he knew he needed to get out of there. He keeps his head low and just keeps walking, avoiding the worried glances from their crew. He turns a corner and finds an empty hallway, looking around to find that it’s just him and a few empty boxes.

He lets out the breath he had been holding.

Because it is easy. Noah scoffs. Jolly doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't see the bigger picture here, because this is more than just Noah having feelings for Naomi. It's about the change that'll follow. Sure, what if Naomi liked Noah back, but Jolly’s words lingered in the back of his mind. What if someone had already beat him there? He groans.

Noah doesn't like change all that much, which is kind of hilarious when he thinks back to his life, but it's true. He likes consistency. He likes stability. Besides Bad Omens (so far), Naomi and Nicholas were the only consistent things in his life. He couldn't risk messing up what they have, the tiny little world they created with just the three of them, for something like this. He's heard stories of people falling for their best friends and everything fucking up, and he'll be damned if he ever lets that happen to him.

"Noah?" Naomi’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts, and he jumps away from the wall, turning to face her. She’s frowning, eyes scanning him up and down before they meet his gaze. “Is everything alright?”

He doesn’t bother answering, slumping back against the wall and running a shaky hand down his face. He hears her shuffle closer and he squeezes his eyes shut. He can't look at her - he refuses. He's embarrassed, ashamed, because the reason he's so fucking upset is because of her. Well, sort of. He's upset with his feelings for her and how he can't convey them properly like a normal fucking human. He lets out a frustrated, shaky breath and runs his hands through his hair and tugs at the ends, something he tends to do when he's anxious.

"Noah, baby, look at me. Come on." Naomi's voice is so gentle, and Noah's throat tightens.

Baby.

The word itself is almost enough to send him spiraling and definitely did not help the pit in his stomach at all, but he looks at her anyways, swallowing down the lump that's beginning to form. Her lips are settled into a frown and he can see the crease in her forehead, the distress on her face. She hasn't seen him like this in months, he thinks.

"I'm gonna need you to take a big deep breath through your nose and out through your mouth.”

Her fingers wrap around his wrists and gives them a hard squeeze, trying to bring Noah back to the present but he just can't. He can't breathe, he can't move, he can't fucking do anything. His chest feels like there's a ten-ton brick placed right in the center of it and there's nothing he can do about it.

"Noah. Breathe."

He tries to suck in a breath, but it just sounds ragged, and he barely notices the tears that slip down his cheeks. He feels his arms being tugged and looks down to find Naomi crouching to settle into a sitting position, trying to bring him down with her. He follows on shaky legs and automatically crosses them. Naomi squeezes his wrists again and he tries to take another breath.

"Lean your head back for me and take another breath." She says quietly and scratches her nails against the inside of his wrists. He visibly shakes, as if he wasn't already, and he has to suck in another ragged breath, but it goes down a little easier than before. "Good. You're doing so good, Noah. Keep going."

So, he does. He takes another deep breath, and another, and then another after that. Noah doesn't know how long they sit there for, Naomi's eyes piercing into his own as she takes the breaths with him. He has to drop his gaze when it starts becoming too much and his chest feels tight again, so instead he shuts his eyes, trying to focus on getting his breathing normal and the soft touch of her thumbs rubbing circles on the inside of his wrists.

It takes a few beats of silence before he finally feels like he can finally breathe slightly normal, his glossy gaze finding hers.

"Oh, Noah. What happened out there?” He almost breaks at her voice, the sadness seeping through as she sits up on her knees, leaning towards him. Her hands cup his cheeks and wipe away the tears that seem to still be falling. "Think you can tell me what's going on?"

He whines in response, head shaking in her hands. Naomi's frown deepens.

"Jolly’s just being an asshole."

“…Are you sure?” She brushes a few strands of hair that's fallen away from his face, "You know you can tell me anything, bub."

"I can't-" His lips press together to try and hold in another whine, eyes brimming with tears again. "I can't tell you this. If... if I do then it could fuck everything up and I can't do that. Not now when things are just starting to work out.”

Her eyes narrow in confusion as she smooths back his hair, fingertips trailing over his cheek. “I’m sure whatever it is it wouldn’t fuck up everything.”

“You don’t know that!” It comes out louder than he anticipated, and his stomach drops at the way Naomi flinches, but she doesn’t pull away from him. “Sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

"Noah, relax." She grips his face gently and tilts his head up to look at her. "It's just me."

He swallows before shakily replying, "That's why I can't tell you."

That has her stilling and he can see the moment her mind comes to screeching halt, body deflating. In the three years he's known her, there's never been a thing he couldn't tell her. Well... a thing he couldn't tell her that he wanted to, and this was one of the things he did not want to tell her.

"Well," She finds her words again, coming back to herself. "I hope that as your best-friend that I've given you a space to always be open and honest with me. Whatever it is, good or bad, you can tell me. We can work it out, whatever you want." Naomi pauses again, lips dipping into a frown. "And if you can't... I understand. I won't pry."

His eyes sting with tears again at her words and he sucks down another ragged breath, throat tightening again. Noah has always hated how understanding Naomi was, and how gentle she can be. It was one of her best and worst attributes because now he feels like the asshole for not telling her how he felt.

"You have to promise me that this won't fuck everything up." He manages to get out. Naomi nods immediately. “Say you promise.”

"I promise."

They stare at each other for a second, then two, then three before Noah's letting out a defeated sigh. Here goes fucking nothing.

"I..." He swallows harshly. "I love you. More than just a friend or whatever and it fucking terrifies me because this... god, this is the closest to normal my life has been in a really long fucking time. Probably the first time ever." Noah lets out a watery laugh. "You... and Nicholas... and this fucking band are so important to me, Mimi, and I'd never want to jeopardize that." Something in Naomi's eyes shift and Noah has to squeeze his shut, too overwhelmed to look at her now as more words tumble from his lips. "That's why I couldn't tell you, because I didn't want to ruin what we have now. I could never forgive myself for doing that."

The silence that follows is deafening. He doesn't dare open his eyes, so he keeps them shut, and he tries to not imagine Naomi's face. He wants her to say something, anything, even if it's to let him down, which is what he's expecting. His heart pounds against his chest when he feels her hands slip from his face and his eyes spring open, preparing to apologize for just ruining everything between them but it never comes.

Instead, he's met with Naomi's lips pressing against his own.

His eyes widen. He doesn't move, can't, not even when she's pulling away, face mere inches from his own. Naomi stares at him expectantly, waiting, full lips slightly swollen from the pressure of the kiss and face a light shade of crimson. Noah can only blink - once, twice, and then a third time before dropping his eyes to her mouth.

He's thought about what it would be like to kiss Naomi, to feel her lips against his own just once. He knows it's corny, but he thought it would be like the movies where fireworks would erupt inside of him, body buzzing from excitement that he's practically shaking, but it was none of that. Actually, it was something better. In those brief moments he's never felt so... at peace. Instead of buzzing with excitement it was a warm feeling that spread throughout his body, starting from his toes expanding all the way to the very top of his head.

"Noah..."

Her voice breaks him out of his head, and he doesn't miss the slight waver to it, like she was on the verge of tears. His eyes find hers again and they're brimmed with tears, but her lips are slowly tugging into a smile now. His chest swirls with excitement and he reaches for her, hands settling on her waist as she slowly climbs into his lap, her legs resting on either side of his hips.

"I know I'm a really good fucking friend, but I hope you know I wouldn't cross this damn country just for anyone." She says through a watery laugh and has to pull away to wipe at her face as more tears fell. Noah's fingers dig into her hips, scared to let her go. She's never been so close before.

He looks up at her with a dazed expression. "...Huh?"

She laughs again, this time much louder, and leans forward to press her forehead against his. Her hands come up to cup his cheeks again, her nose nudging Noah's.

"I love you, you dumbass. I thought it was fucking obvious."

Oh.

Naomi tilts her head forward to brush her lips against his again before pulling back all too soon, acting as if she was too shy to continue even further. He digs his fingers into her hips again without really thinking and loosens his grip, scared he was hurting her. He just needed to make sure she was real. That this was real and not just his fucked-up imagination trying to hurt him. Her eyes flutter shut, and she lets out her own shaky breath, her hands moving from his cheeks to the back of his neck.

Noah's the one who leans in this time, lips slotting against Naomi's. He gets the same feeling that he did just seconds before, the warmth filling his veins, and the feeling of peace engulfing him whole. Naomi lets out a tiny little noise, almost like a whine, and that spurs him on. It's overwhelming, the way her lips feel against his and how natural it feels to have her in his hold, and his arms circle around her waist to bring her that much closer to him.

He needs to feel her everywhere.

"Noah? Mimi?"

Folio's voice has Mimi pulling away from him, eyes glossed over, and lips swollen from the contact. She gives him a sheepish smile before crawling off his lap and he feels himself physically deflate at the loss of contact but knew that the position they were in before would raise a few questions, especially from Nick. Plus, he can't keep his mouth shut, so the second he sees Naomi in Noah's lap it's game over. Everyone in the damn building would know in less than 5 seconds.

She stands and holds a hand out for him which he gladly takes, legs shaky as he stands. He feels better, he thinks, rummaging through his mind for any of those previous anxious thoughts. He finds none and instead realizes the jitteriness is from the kiss, and his face flushes at the thought.

"There you are." Folio sounds relieved as he rounds the corner, the corners of his mouth tugging into a smile as he steps into the hallway. "Everything alright?"

Noah glances at Mimi from the corner of his eye and finds her nodding, giving Folio a bright smile.

"Yeah, I think so." She looks up at him now, her smile changing to something softer.

"Uh, yeah." Noah finds his voice finally, clearing his throat and stares at Naomi a beat longer before looking off towards Nick. "Sorry about that.”

Nick shrugs and rubs at his neck sheepishly. "You're good, man. Jolly and I were just teasing you, and we're sorry for, uh... causing this."

"Nah, it's fine. Don't apologize." He waves him off and relief washes over Nick.

"Cool." Folio's eyes scan the two of them briefly before looking up and down the hallway, confusion written all over his face. "Where's Nicholas?"

That has Noah stilling and his eyes dart to Mimi.

"What about him?" She questions, eyebrows scrunching.

"He said he was coming to check on you guys..." His words trail off, head tilting.

"Are you sure he came this way?" Her tone stirs something inside of Noah.

Even if he had come this way, Noah wouldn't have noticed. He was too immersed in Naomi and the way she felt in his hands, in his arms, and the way her lips easily slid over his... His fingers twitch at his sides, the urge to reach out and grab her becoming stronger by the second.

"Huh. I swear I saw him walk this way." Folio says, almost dumbfounded, and his shoulders go up into another shrug. "Oh well. Maybe he's in the bathroom, I don't know. Anyways, glad everything's alright. Do you need anything or...?"

“Uh, nah. I’m good now.” He throws a thumbs up for added emphasis and Folio laughs, giving him one back.

“Sweet.” He looks like he’s about to leave and the stress in Noah’s shoulders drop for just a second before Nick is turning back towards them. “Would I be a dick to ask you to come back and help? We’re kind of struggling without you and Nicholas.”

“Oh, shit. Yeah, I can come help.” He’s almost forgotten why they were here in the first place. They literally have a show in a few short hours. Mimi looks as if she’s just remembered that as well, eyes widening, and Nick laughs at their reactions.

“Thanks, man.”

They all shuffle out of the hallway and back into the main room, seeing only Jolly and a few people from their crew working at setting their gear up. Noah feels bad for running off like that and knows he’ll have to make it up to them tomorrow. He notices Naomi walking the opposite direction out of the corner of his eye and he stops her, fingers circling around her arm.

“We’ll talk later, yeah?” He tries to keep his voice low when he notices Nick stop for a second to watch them before wandering back to the stage. Mimi’s eyes gaze up at him, lips quirking up.

“Of course. If you want.”

“I do.” His hand drops from her arm and briefly brushes her hand, and he has to bite his lip to stop his own smile from growing. “Catch me before the show?”

He doesn’t miss the flush in her cheeks when their fingers brush together and she turns her head. “Okay.”

The pull from each other and Noah can’t help but watch her walk away before finally making his way back to the stage to find both Jolly and Folio staring at him.

“What?” He questions as he pulls himself up on the stage.

“What the hell was that?” Jolly questions, but Noah doesn’t miss the teasing grin on his lips. He blushes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, man.”

“Bullshit.” Nick whistles, eyeing Noah before glancing across the room. “I knew something happened in that hallway. You could cut the tension with a fucking knife, bro.”

He laughs it off, but his cheeks beat up even more. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Alright, alright. Enough teasing Noah. We’ve done enough of that today.” Jolly gives Noah a sheepish smile before clapping his hands together. “Let’s hurry and get this shit done.”

…

Nicholas is the first to notice Noah jump off the stage, head down as he practically runs out of the main room. Mimi notices next, back straightening as they both watch Noah run into a hallway, away from view. Something inside him turns and his eyes snap towards Jolly who's already looking at him, lips turned down. The older male shakes his head and mouths "I don't know" before going back to unloading their equipment.

"I'll be right back." He hears Naomi mumble, and before he could respond she's already placing whatever shirt she had been about to hang up down and rushing off.

Nicholas drops the shirt he was holding and turns the opposite direction, marching his way towards the stage, eyes narrowing at Jolly's back.

"Dude, what the fuck did you do?"

Jolly turns around. "Why do you think I did something?"

"Well, you were the last one to talk to him before he fucking ran off." Nicholas throws his arms around before placing his hands on his hips, almost like an angry dad. "What did you say to him?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, bullshit-"

"Nick, calm down." Folio cuts in, coming out from behind his drum set to look down at Nicholas from the stage. "It wasn't anything bad - Noah just freaked out. You know how he is. Mimi's with him so he's probably fine now."

Nicholas presses his lips together and breathes deeply through his nose, trying his very best to calm down. He hates being upset, especially with his friends, but when it comes to Noah, he can't help but be protective.

"I swear it wasn't bad." Jolly's swinging his legs over the side of the stage, sitting in front of him now. "I just... told him to get over whatever he was going through and to tell Mimi how he felt. He kind of freaked out and just... ran off."

His eyes widen at Jolly’s words.

"You wanted him to... tell Mimi how he felt about her?"

Jolly nods. "We're all kind of sick seeing him stare at her like a kicked little puppy and we all know how he feels about her. Why not?"

"And it's not like she doesn't feel the same. We all see how she looks at him. It's kind of gross." Nick says before going back to his set up. “Plus, who fucking flies halfway across the country for a friend? No offense.”

Nicholas feels his stomach drop at the others words, immediately shaking his head.

"She came to see all of us." He replies, defensively almost, and both Folio and Jolly give him a look that reads seriously? He frowns. "She told me that."

"Yeah, I'm sure she did." Folio mutters to himself and Nicholas can't stop the way his eyes narrow at the younger boy.

"She told all of us that, man, and I'm sure that's part of it but we all know the real reason why she's here." Jolly points towards the hallway that both Noah and Naomi ran to, and Nicholas feels his stomach turn.

He doesn't say anything to that. Truthfully, he's not sure what he can say. He stares off towards the hallway, brain foggy as he tries to wrap his mind around the boys words before he comes back to himself, clearing his throat.

"I'm gonna go check on them, see if he needs anything." Nicholas mumbles, almost to himself, and Jolly gives him a smile.

"Do whatever you gotta do, man."

He gives Jolly a half assed smile before turning on his heels and walking towards the hallway, hands clammy. His heart pounds in his ears with each step he takes, and he swears the turning in his stomach that was once nerves is now nausea. Great.

Nicholas turns the corner and immediately stops, heart pounding against his chest when he sees Noah sitting on the ground, face wet with tears... and Naomi settling into his lap. She says something to him but they're too far down the hall that Nicholas doesn't catch it, and his throat tightens the second they both lean into each other.

He shouldn't have followed. He should've stayed right where he was, unpacking their shirts for the night to hang up, but he couldn't forget the look on Noah's face as he ran past them. He definitely couldn't forget the way Naomi dropped everything and followed after him, running into the hallway in search of Noah. He couldn't forget the rage he felt at Jolly in those few minutes, thinking the other said something to trigger Noah’s anxiety. He should've minded his fucking business, but when it comes to Noah and Mimi, he knows he never could.

His eyes sting and he swears he feels his heart snap into a billion little pieces the second their lips meet. Naomi's hands grip his face and Noah's fingers dig into her hips, and Nicholas has to force himself to look away. He knew this would happen - he fucking knew it would. He's known the second he met Naomi and saw the way Noah looked at her, like she hung up all the stars in the goddamn sky.

He doesn't stay long, doesn't make his presence known as he was going to, and instead rushes off to the bathroom. It's a single, so he's able to lock himself in there, and leans back against the door. His head hits the door with a thud, and he sucks in a ragged breath, eyes squeezing shut.

Nicholas knows he shouldn't feel this way - heartbroken - but he can't help it. It's one thing to see the person you love kissing someone else, but when it's both of them... it's a whole other world of hurt. His chest feels like it's been ripped open and someone reached deep inside to pull his heart out, then held it in front of his face and ripped it to shreds.

He hates that there's not a goddamn thing he can do about it.

He’s going to have to stand there, wait for them to tell him that they confessed their feelings and he'll have to put a smile on his face and tell them he's happy for them. And in a way, he is. He's only ever wanted for them to be happy, but maybe a small part of him had a feeling it was going to be him. That he would be lucky enough to be the one making them happy. It was all wishful thinking, a fucking dream that would never happen, and he has to press himself further into the door to hold himself up right, legs weak as he slides down.

Nicholas lets himself cry, face crumbling as the first few tears fall. He pulls his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around them, burying his face in his knees. His body shakes with each cry and he knows if someone was close, they could hear him, but he didn't care. He's let himself not feel anything about this for far too long, and if he's going to get over it, he should finally let himself feel.

He doesn't know how long he sat there, body shaking with sobs, but by time he's done he feels... exhausted. He feels sick, stomach twisting with each sniffle and he lets himself stand on shaky legs. He finds himself in the mirror, eyes puffy and face blotchy. He stares at his reflection for a few more moments before he turns the faucet on, splashing water over his face.

He squeezes his eyes shut and counts to ten, hoping to calm himself down some before patting his face dry. He turns to face the door and swallows thickly because he knows the second he leaves the safety of this bathroom, he'll have to put a smile on his face and act like everything's okay. As if he didn't just sob his fucking heart out in this damn bathroom for the last ten minutes. It sucks, but he’s been acting like everything's alright since the almost kiss, so he guesses he can continue to act like nothing's wrong a little longer.

With a shaky breath, he pushes the door open and makes his way back to the main room where everything was being set up. He sees Noah first, who's back on stage helping Jolly out with something, and he turns, almost as if he could feel his presence. Nicholas smiles, hoping it isn't too obvious he's faking, and Noah gives him one back, relieved.

"Was wondering where you went." He calls, hopping off the stage to make his way towards Nicholas. "Folio said you wandered off like 15 minutes ago."

"Oh, uh." His voice cracks and Noah's eyes narrow. Nicholas clears his throat. "I was going to look for you, but they told me Naomi got to you first, and then I uh. I had to pee! So, I went to the bathroom. Then got distracted by my phone." His words come out rushed. “Twitter is so addictive.”

"...You were on Twitter the entire time?"

"Yeah, but that’s beside the point," Nicholas quickly responds, "are you okay?"

For some reason this surprises Noah, eyes widening just a bit and Nicholas doesn't miss the glance he casts in Naomi's direction. His stomach drops.

"Uh, yeah. I'm good. Mimi helped a lot."

"Oh, cool. That's... that's great. Awesome. I'm glad. " Nicholas rambles on. He holds in a breath and Noah's eyes scan his face, his lips slowly dipping down into a frown.

"You promise you're alright?"

"Of course," He finally takes a deep breath, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. "I'm just... tired. Didn't sleep well last night. The van's cramped as shit and I can never get comfortable."

Nicholas thinks he's convinced him well enough because instead of replying Noah wraps an arm around Nicholas' shoulder and tugs him into his side, walking off towards the stage. He feels like his eyes are bulging out of his fucking head the second he's wrapped in Noah's embrace and he tries to pull away, but for some reason this skinny little bastard's hold is way too strong.

He's rambling on about something, he thinks it has to do with Jolly and their equipment, but Nicholas is barely listening. He's too focused on the way Noah's arm feels wrapped around him and he gets a sudden sick feeling in his stomach, eyes darting across the room towards Naomi. She's already looking at them, eyebrows scrunched together but the second her eyes fall on Nicholas her face relaxes in an instant. His heart leaps into his throat and he tries swallowing it down, but the smile she gives him is enough to bring it right back up.

This is going to be a lot harder than he thought.

…

Naomi watches the two boys interact, her skin buzzing with nerves. She's still not able to process what just happened, the kiss, the confession... her head is reeling. She should be excited - happy – and she is, swear. She's never denied her feelings for Noah, always knowing that they were there somewhere inside of her, but she can't help but feel almost... sad.

Her eyes land on Nicholas and her mind wanders back to a few years ago to her first tattoo session with him. She thinks back to how he took care of her, making sure she was alright the entire time and the tenderness behind his touch. She remembers just how badly she wanted to kiss him in that moment, to feel his lips against hers. She also remembers the look in his eyes, and the way she knew that he wanted it just as much as her.

She shivers and has to shake her head from the thought. She can't be thinking of kissing her best friend after she had just confessed to her other best friend. She groans to herself, head already aching from her thoughts. Mimi knew that she couldn't help how she felt. It does happen - falling for two people at once. She's not the first person to do it, and won't be the last, but it just makes things so complicated.

Almost to the point where she doesn’t even want to deal with it.

"Ready for tonight?" Folio's voice breaks her out of her thoughts, and she whips around to look at him, lips pulling into a small smile.

"As ready as I'll ever be." She looks over the merchandise before her before looking at Nick. "I've never been a merch girl before, so we'll see how it goes."

"It isn't too hard." He says with a shrug, leaning against the table. "Plus, you'll have Nicholas here to help.”

Shit. She forgot about that.

"I'll be fine." She decides to say and gives Folio a tight-lipped smile. "Nicky is always the best teacher, so I'm sure I'll have it down in no time."

He smiles at her and even gives her a pat on the back, hand sliding up to grip her shoulder gently. "We really appreciate you coming out here. More than you know."

Mimi gives him a real smile, not all tight-lipped, and leans into his touch. She hadn't lied when said she'd do anything for them to Noah on the phone weeks ago, because she would. Not even just for him and Nicholas, she'd even offer a hand to Jolly and Folio, people she now considers some of her closest friends.

"That's what friends are for. Don't thank me."

"Whatever." Nick laughs and gives her shoulder another squeeze before he turns to leave back for the stage. "If you need anything, let one of us know."

Naomi waves him off before she gets back to unboxing and setting up the merch for tonight's show. What happened with Noah was a bit of a setback and she wishes he hadn’t whisked Nicholas towards the stage so she could have some help, but she knew she could do this on her own. She'll just have to talk to him before the show starts and make sure she did everything right.

Her stomach twists as the thought of also talking to Noah crosses her mind, and she lets out a sigh. She brings a hand up to rub at her temples as the dull ache in her head grew. Why was this so complicated? Why did she feel so fucking guilty? She didn’t exactly understand why, but a part of her isn’t too keen on figuring it out anytime soon.

She quietly gets everything set up for the night, going through the instructions in her head that Nicholas told her earlier in the day. She doesn’t even realize how much time has passed until the bands go through their sound check, trying to hurry before the crowd is let in. With too much going on, she doesn't end up getting to talk to Noah or Nicholas before the show. With all the rushing around, they barely even were able to stop and say hi.

Before she knows it, the show is starting, and to her surprise she has a steady line during Bad Omens set. She was able to catch a glimpse here and there in between talking to a few fans, but she was mostly kept busy throughout it all, which she was thankful for.

Naomi feels like she can finally breathe by the time the nights over and they were packing up to set off for their next destination. Her and Nicholas were wordlessly putting away the merch for the night, the older male being much quieter than normal. He's barely even said a few words to her since he came back to help after getting off stage, only giving her strained smiles when she said anything to him. She figured he was just tired, which worried her, because it was his turn to drive tonight.

"Feeling alright, Nicky?" She questioned as she closed up one of the last boxes. He looks over at her and there's something in his stare that she can't place, but it makes her blood run cold.

"Yeah." He replies shortly, and she watches his throat bob as he swallowed harshly before closing up his own box. "Just tired."

She frowns. "Do you want me to drive for you tonight?"

"No."

It's a short response and his back is turned towards her now, which makes her frown deepen even more. She takes a step towards him and opens her mouth to say something but comes to a stop when she feels a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey."

She turns quickly to find Noah behind her and her worry from seconds ago vanishes the second their eyes meet. Naomi can't help but smile and Noah does the same, leaning against the table beside her.

"Oh, hi."

She feels giddy, almost like a schoolgirl, and she mentally scolds herself at how embarrassing that is. This is Noah, her best friend... that told her he loved her and then they kissed. No big deal, right?

"How'd tonight go?" Noah questions. She shrugs.

"Alright, I think."

He snorts and looks over at Nicholas who still has his back turned. "Think she's merch girl material, Nicky?"

"Sure."

They both narrow their eyes at him, and confusion wraps itself in Noah's expression. He stares at him another moment before looking down at Mimi, and she can only shrug.

"Alright." He sounds unconvinced but a smile finds his way on his lips again. "Think you got it down for tomorrow? I could probably come out and help, too, if you want."

"I think she'll be alright, Noah. You don't need to hover." Nicholas lets out an annoyed huff as he gathers up their things and both Mimi and Noah stare at him before glancing at each other.

What the fuck?

Noah looks like he's having an internal battle with himself, lips slowly tugging back down into a frown. All she wants to do is wrap him up in a hug, but she stays where she is as she sees him step forward.

Noah moves over to Nicholas now and places a gentle hand on his back, lips pursed into a pout. "Dude, if you’re tired, I can drive the first half for you.”

Nicholas jumps at the touch, and Naomi assumes he just wasn't expecting it, and turns his head to look at the younger boy for a second.

"I’m fine, Noah." His words are clipped, and she sees the moment when Noah's face falls, but he recovers it quickly.

"Well, okay. I got you a few extra red bulls, they're in the front with your stuff." His hand lingers on his back for a second too long before he takes a step back, giving Nicholas a gentle smile. "Also got some of those skittles you like. Hopefully all the caffeine and sugar will keep you awake."

Nicholas pauses and he returns the smile Noah gives him, but it looks pained. She’s starting to think he’s more than just tired.

"Thanks." Is all he responds before he picks up a box of shirts, nodding his head towards the exit. "I'm gonna start hauling this stuff back to the van."

Noah nods and takes another step away from him to make room, and they watch Nicholas wordlessly walk away. He doesn’t even look at them and stares straight ahead. She’s not sure what’s going on, and she’s positive it’s something more than just being tired, and the fact he hasn’t told her or Noah what’s wrong is starting to worry her.

"So..." Noah clearing his throat snaps Naomi out of her thoughts, finally looking away from where Nicholas once stood. Her eyes flicker up towards him. "About earlier..."

Her mouth drops into an O and her cheeks burn, probably already beginning to flush.

"Oh, yeah. That."

Noah snorts out a laugh. "That?"

"What else am I supposed to call it?" She says in a hushed tone, stepping closer to him. She looks around before continuing, "Like, oh, when we made out in the hallway? Yeah, I remember that."

Noah laughs fully now, eyes scrunching as he throws his head back. A few people stare but Naomi doesn't mind, too busy thinking about how much she's always enjoyed his laugh. She smiles.

"We don't have to call it anything." He says once he's calmed down and looks around himself before his eyes fall back to hers, reaching out to take her hand. She blushes but lets him lace their fingers together. "And we don't have to talk about it right now, but I'd just... I'd like to know where you stand on it."

He looks nervous now, eyes casted down to their hands. His thumb brushes against the back of her hand and she has to stop herself from smiling at the gesture.

"Where I stand?" Her head tilts. "What do you mean?"

Noah shrugs but doesn’t respond, staring down at their connected hands.

"Dude. I cried and told you I loved you. I feel like that should tell you where I stand pretty well."

"Okay, but like I need you to verbally tell me again or else I'm just going to think you did all of that to make me feel better." He whines out and looks away from her bashfully.

She can't help but frown, chest twisting at the thought of Noah thinking she did all of that just to make him calm down. She pulls her hand away from his and steps forward, taking another quick glance around the room to find absolutely no one paying attention to them. She reaches up to cup his cheeks and pulls his head down to stare at her.

"Noah," She hums, thumbs brushing against the tops of his flushing cheeks. "I wasn't saying that just to say it. I love you."

Noah chews on his bottom lip and she can feel his eyes scanning her face, trying to search for any indication that she may be lying. Her heart breaks at that. She can see the worry and doubt in his gaze, and it stays for just a beat longer, but it finally vanishes.

“That was kind of corny.” Noah finally says, a teasing grin pulling at his lips. She lets out a groan, hands dropping from his face.

“We were having a really nice moment and you fucking ruined it.”

Noah laughs, the doubt his face once held long gone, and all Naomi wants to do is lean up and kiss that stupid grin off his face.

“10 minutes till curfew!” Someone yells from across the room.

They finally pull apart and pack up the rest of the boxes, hauling them off to the van. It's a fairly quick process and before she knows it, they're all piling into the van for the night, getting into their designated seats for the next few hours. She practically begged for Noah to let her sit up front, so the other boys can have the backseats to at least try and get some rest. She even asked Nicholas if it was alright but all he did was shrug, buckling himself in the driver's seat.

The beginning of the drive was loud, Jolly and Noah talking about tonight's show with Folio chiming in every so often. Nicholas didn't say much but did say a few things here and there, but never once looked away from the road. Not even an hour later, though, the only thing that could be heard was silence.

"Everything alright?" Nicholas' voice is quiet over the hum of the radio, and she can faintly hear someone snoring in the seat behind her, probably Jolly. She has to stifle her laughter as she looks over at him.

"Yeah," She hums, shifting in her seat. "Everything's peachy."

There's a moment of silence before he speaks again. "You know I can always tell when you're lying, right?"

She freezes, glancing up at Nicholas. He's already looking at her, briefly, before he focuses back on the road. Her eyes drop to his hands and watches as they grip the steering wheel, and she's surprised they're not turning white with how tight his grip is. She shifts in her seat again, pulling a leg up to rest underneath her.

"I wasn't lying." Her eyes drop to her lap and she picks at her nails. "Everything is alright, Nicky. Promise."

"Okay." She looks up and sees his grip loosen around the wheel before his gaze catches hers again. "Next question. If there's something going on, you would tell me. Yes or no?"

This one catches her off guard and the air gets stuck in her throat, only for a moment, and she tries to swallow it away.

"Elaborate."

She's stalling. Naomi barely had any time to sit and talk to Noah about what happened earlier, let alone think about what she would tell Nicholas. Oddly enough she's scared to tell him, scared to see his reaction because for some reason she feels like it's going to screw everything up. Just like Noah had mentioned.

"Like..." He drags the word out. "Let's say something happened earlier... and it was kind of huge... because it could change everything, you would still tell me.”

Oh.

She feels her heart pound against her chest, and she looks down again. It shouldn't be this fucking hard to tell Nicholas that she and Noah kissed. It shouldn't be this hard to tell him that she loves Noah and wants to be with him. These are things you share with your best friend, so why does it feel so wrong?

It's the same reason you never told Noah about your almost kiss with Nicholas, her mind yells at her. She swallows thickly and ignores the voice in her head.

"Well," Naomi starts, picking her head up. "If something did happen, and it was something that could change everything, maybe I'm trying to find the best way to tell you."

Another moment of silence washes over them and she tries to read his face, tries to see how he handles her words, but there’s nothing. Not even a twitch. He just stares blankly at the road, lips pressed in a line.

“If that’s the case,” His voice was much lower than before, “then I want to remind you that you’re my best friend. You should be able to tell me anything.”

She sighs. “It’s complicated, Nicky.”

“How so?”

That she can’t exactly answer. With another sigh she looks out the window, barely able to see the world passing by with how dark it was.

“The second I say something, it’ll change everything, and…” She shrugs. “Maybe I don’t want anything to change. Maybe I like the way things are now.”

“How do you know things will change?”

“God, you are so full of questions tonight.” She tries to keep her voice light, but the sharpness is heard from a mile away. She hears Nicholas sigh next to her.

“Mimi.” Another long sigh. “You know all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, right?”

She finally looks at him again, lips dipping into a frown. He’s focused on the road, eyes never wavering, but she knows he’s waiting for her to respond. She nods.

“Of course, but-“

“Then if whatever happened could end up making you happy,” Nicholas cuts her off, eyes flickering towards her before looking back to the road, “then why should I let that come between us? That’s kind of ridiculous.”

She doesn’t respond, letting his words sink in. He’s right, in a way, but she still thinks he doesn’t fully understand. For the last three years it’s just been the three of them – Noah, Nicholas, and Naomi. If her and Noah make this thing official, it could change the entire dynamic, and for some reason the thought of losing this type of bond with the two boys makes her sick to her stomach.

“You don’t have to tell me now.” Nicholas continues. “But as long as you’re happy, and as long as Noah’s happy,” She doesn’t miss the emphasis on the younger boys’ name, “then I’m happy.”

His words make something in her chest ache, eyes burning with tears. She stares hard at the side of his face, begging him with her eyes to look at her, but he never takes his gaze off the road.

“Nicky.”

“Mimi.”

He finally looks at her now, and she swears she sees tears brimming his eyes, but the van is so dark she probably just made it up. She tries to swallow her own away, throat tightening as a fresh new set burned at her eyes.

"I know change can be scary," Nicholas starts off slowly, a sigh slipping out after his words, "but sometimes... change is good. You shouldn't stop yourself from experiencing this because you're worried about what other people think."

He looks at her now and she has to bite her lip to hold back the tears burning at her eyes. When the hell did she get so emotional? Nicholas' eyes dart to her lap and then back up to her, and they're both reaching out at the same time. She laces their fingers and squeezes their hands together. He smiles, though it's small.

"I know I keep saying it but it’s true… all I want is for you to be happy. Can you do that for me?"

She pauses. “I can try.”

“Good.” That answer seems to satisfy him enough, eyes dropping to their hands one more time before he focuses back on the road.

For some reason she feels relieved by his words and gives his hand another squeeze. She tries telling herself that this was the universes way of letting her know that things will be alright, but something twisting in her gut is telling her the complete opposite.

She chooses to ignore it and holds onto Nicholas’ hand tightly.

#bad omens fanfiction #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fic #noah sebastian x ofc #nicholas ruffilo x ofc #noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo #noah sebastian fic #nicholas ruffilo fic #noah sebastian fanfiction #nicholas ruffilo fanfiction #mine

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saintveil · 2 years ago

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I may end up writing both, but which one would yall prefer to see first?

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darksigns-exe · 7 months ago

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a gentle touch - nicholas ruffilo x noah sebastian

warnings: none

word count: 808

masterlist | taglist sign-up

It has to be soon.

Noah is sure that he can’t take much more of this. He’s been dancing around Nick for years now, always trying to shove his feelings to the back of his mind. Everything to keep Nick close.

He knows everything there is to know about him. Nick is the first person he texts in the morning and the last person he says goodnight to. And sure, it had taken him a little while to really realise what he’s feeling, but he’s so sure of it now.

Noah’s been trying to find a good moment to breach the topic, but so far he hasn’t been able to single Nick out for long enough.

Asking Nick to join him for this stream really was just an excuse to keep him close. And as they wrap things up, an idea pops up in his mind. Nick has been sleeping downstairs on the sofa since he’s been here, and maybe — maybe he can convince him to stay up here tonight. It’s so late already.

“It’s late, you could just sleep here.” He offers quickly, rushing the words out before his throat can seize up again.

“You wanna share again?”

Noah shrugs, “Why not. It’s not as if we’ve never slept in the same bed. Also, I think someone spilled half a beer on the sofa.”

He can see the gears turning in Nick’s head before he finally replies, “Fair enough.”

Noah slips into bed, while Nick gets his things from downstairs. He’s admittedly a little nervous to be this close to Nick. He’s still not closer to finding a good moment to tell Nick how he feels, but this is a start.

Nick comes back a few moments later. Noah scoots as close to the wall as he can, trying to make more space for him.

They talk for a moment longer, but Noah can’t bring himself to say it yet.

He’s not sure when he dozes off, but hours later Noah wakes up with something someone warm in front of him. He feels soft skin under his palm and — oh.

Nick is curled up in front of him. His sleeping form fits so perfectly against Noah. Nick looks so comfortable that he can’t bring himself to disrupt him.

This is not how he had planned for this to go, but he can’t exactly complain either.

Nick shifts back against him.

Noah tries to resist the urge, but he can’t stop his hand from wandering. He feels muscle twitch under his curious fingers. He knows that he should stop. The soft sigh Nick lets out doesn’t exactly help his dilemma. Noah lets the tips of his finger brush against Nick's side, and that seems to be enough to fully rouse him.

“Noah?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t.” He rushes out, already moving to remove his hand.

A hand wraps around his wrist, keeping him in place.

“What if I don’t want you to stop?”

Noah’s hand still immediately.

“Nick.” He almost pleads, “Please don’t play with me.”

“I’ve been waiting for you to make a move for ages.” Nick says quietly, and Noah almost doesn’t believe his ears.

His arm tightens around him, pulling him closer against his chest.

“I’ve been trying to find a good moment to tell you.”

“Any moment would have been good.” Nick replies, weaving his fingers between Noah’s, “I almost gave up hope.”

His heart clenches at that.

He was almost too late.

Almost.

“Nicky I —”

“Wait, let me — I want to see you.”

Nick wriggles around in his arms until he can flip over. Noah can’t help but smile at his eagerness. There’s something sweet about it.

Everything about him is sweet.

“Will you let me tell you how I feel about you now?”

Nick gives a quick nod.

Noah shakes his head, “Do you even know how easy it was to fall in love with you? I didn’t even have to look for something. It just happened.”

“You’re in love with me?”

If there weren’t a glint of mischief on Nick's face, he’d be offended.

“How could I not be?”

Noah places his hand against the side of Nick’s face. He traces his thumb across his cheek.

“I’m gonna kiss you now, okay?” Noah asks quietly.

“Please.”

He leans in then. The moment his lips brush against Nick's, a warmth blooms in his chest.

Noah thinks that he could kiss him forever.

He stays as close as possible when they come up for air. Noah can’t possibly tear his gaze away from Nick. Neither of them speak for a long moment. And they don’t need to. The important thing has been said already.

Nick occasionally steals a quick kiss from him — as if Noah wouldn’t give them willingly.

“For the record,” Nick starts, “You’re very easy to fall in love with, too.”

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#noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo #noah sebastian fanfic #nicholas ruffilo fanfiction #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fanfiction #nicholas ruffilo fluff

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concreteburialplot · 1 year ago

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Intertwined // 05

-> 05 - Girl Crush*

pairing; noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo

masterlist; here | crossposted; ao3 | word count; 10.3k 😅

warnings; sad lol, dumb boys, mutual masturbation, p0rn, alcohol, peer pressure, vomiting, college!omens, jolly intro, gay panic & very mild gender confusion??, denial is a river in egypt, 18+ MDNI

REMINDER: this is an au where everyone is around the same age, follows no actual timelines/events, and uses oc's for family members.

a/n: don't like it don't read it. don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

-NICHOLAS-

It had been about a month since Noah moved out completely and was fully living with us. It wasn’t that difficult of a transition since he stayed with us most of the time anyway. He seemed to be finally settling in and getting comfortable, which I was happy about.

Him living in my house wasn’t the only thing that became comfortable - in fact maybe we’d gotten too comfortable.

That first night weeks ago, where we took care of our morning wood next to each other, wasn’t the last time. It started as that one time thing, then an occasional thing, then finally, a casual thing. Neither one of us seemed to take it seriously, maybe to play off the implications of it. Because what else are you supposed to do when you jack off next to your best friend regularly?

It became so casual, sometimes as if the other wasn’t there.

My half-asleep ears fill with the faint sounds of moans, accompanied by restrained groans I recognize. The more I wake I feel movement behind me.

I stir a bit before turning around finding Noah pumping himself under the covers while holding his phone in the other. He jumps a little when I catch him but doesn’t stop. His actions only halt temporarily.

“Sorry if I woke you up.” He says bashfully, baby pink tinting his cheeks.

“It’s fine.” I gulp, my eyes drifting to the obscene noises coming from his phone. “Whatcha watching?”

He shrugs, tilting his phone to me, revealing the most generic looking porn I’ve ever seen. But porn is porn and it makes my already semi-hard dick twitch. “You wanna… watch too?”

My cheeks grow warm at the offer, “Oh, um, I mean, I don’t wanna intrude…” Though, I can’t help my eyes from being glued to the screen.

He shifts a bit and reaches over, setting the phone down between us propped up in a divot of comforter. In the clumsy process, the duvet slides off his lap revealing his cock.

My eyes widen at the sight of him but I immediately divert my attention so that he doesn’t catch me and assume something else.

“Oh sorry.” He blushes and goes to cover himself again but pauses, “Actually, do you mind? I just don’t wanna deal with the mess and-“

“I don’t mind.” I reply faster than intended. I shake my head, “I just don’t wanna… do that. But I don’t care if you do.”

“Cool.” He nods and returns to his previous position with his eyes locked on the screen.

There’s a panicky heartbeat lingering in my chest but the throbbing in my cock takes precedence. I relax a bit beside him and life the duvet higher up on my body, trying to cover as much of myself as possible.

I spit into my hand before dipping it beneath the covers and down around my member, working it out from my shorts. A hiss leaves my mouth at the coldness of my palm but it doesn’t take long for that discomfort to fade.

My eyes begin on the phone, to the blonde woman with large unnaturally perky breasts being railed by some strong man with a big dick, something you’d find on the first page of any porn site. Not my usual cup of tea but whatever, it’s doing something for me right now.

Naturally, my eyes drift and happen to fall on Noah’s cock. His large hand works up and down his member – he’s duo-toned darker at the base and lighter towards the tip, kind of like me just much pinker. I glance between him and the man in the video. He’s smaller than the man, but he’s definitely not small. The video is obviously emphasizing the man’s large size, but he’s still smaller than me, not by much but he is. It makes me wonder if Noah would be impressed by my size.

Why would I think that? What do I care if Noah’s impressed by my dick?

Noah’s probably not even looking at him like that, I’m just weird I guess.

As if on cue, Noah comments.

“I wish my dick was that big.”

Not wanting to stay uncomfortably silent, I nervously chuckle, “Yeah me too.”

“Well, how big are you?” He asks casually.

My eyes nearly pop out of my head. Surely, he doesn’t actually wanna know.

“Oh – oh, I don’t know, but I don’t wanna take the covers off because-“

Noah proposes a solution, “I could feel?”

“I uh – what do you mean?”

“Like, feel it under the covers. So, I can’t see it. That’s what you’re insecure about isn’t it?”

“Um, I, well,” I stutter, trying to think of any sort of appropriate response. I should say no. I shouldn’t want him to do that. But something in me screams that this might be the only time this could happen – not sure why that’s even important. “Um, sure.”

I scooch a little closer to him so it’s easier for him to reach. Unexpectedly, he brings his free hand up to his mouth and spits into it. My eyebrows furrow at the action, not quite understanding why that’s necessary. But when his arm snakes itself under the covers and his hand replaces mine, I’m suddenly not as confused.

My eyes round at the feeling of his hand around me and every muscle in my body tenses when he starts moving.

“Jesus, you’re pretty big.” He says before his hand even reaches my tip.

Suddenly, all the nerves in my body seem to flood to cock and I feel so sensitive under his fingertips. I should be watching the video, but my eyes bounce between his still working on himself and on his other one bobbing under the covers. I can’t tell fully, but it seems like he’s pumping himself faster than before.

His palm reaches the head then slowly slides back down. “You’re so much bigger than me.” His voice seeming casual, but there’s a hint of strain beneath it.

His words and his even faster movements on both of us only worsens the buzzing in my cock.

“Is this okay? I just, I’ve only ever felt my own dick so, I’ve only ever imagined what having a bigger one would feel like.”

“Yeah, yep. It’s fine.” I reply quickly, just trying to maintain my composure.

My chest rises and falls rapidly and my fingers curl into the sheets. A familiar knot forms in the pit of my tummy and the last thing I want to do is cum while he’s touching me. His hand moves on me at the same speed as on his own. His fingertips stride up and down the underside of my length, hitting the sensitive spot beneath my tip every time. My lips press flat together as I try to stave off my orgasm – I don’t want to cum while he’s touching me, but I also don’t want him to stop.

Thankfully he has less stamina than I do.

“Ah, fuck, I’m gonna cum.” He groans, working quickly on himself chasing his climax. “Fuck, fuck!” He whines desperately. His hand doesn’t stop on me while his hips buck up into his hand spurting milky white all over his exposed tummy.

The visual of his cock twitching and spilling cum all over his hand, combined with his high pitched moans and his hand on me catapults me over the edge. “F-Fuck.” I sputter out a strangled groan and scrunch my eyes closed. Before I have time to yank him off of me, my body goes rigid beneath him. The buzzing across my skin seems to all rush into my throbbing cock in Noah’s still moving hand. “O-Oh.” Slips from my mouth just above a whisper while every muscle in my abdomen tightens. I feel myself twitch and spill my own cum into the duvet and all over his hand.

The orgasm nearly blinds my vision and my heart beats so fast I can hear it thumping in my ears. Those couple seconds where it was just me, my racing heart and my throbbing cock, it was pure bliss. Possibly the hardest I’ve ever came before.

It’s not until I begin to come down that I realize what just happened and that… he worked me fully through my high?

My eyes shoot open the second I return to earth and feel his hand finally slip off my softening member. For a split second I contemplate if there’s a way for me to get out of this without even looking at him and god I wish there was.

Fuck

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-” I begin to profusely apologize before he cuts me off.

He laughs, “It’s okay. I’m sure having someone else’s hand probably feels a lot better than your own. Even if it had been you I probably would’ve came even faster than normal… and you know I already don’t last long as it is.” He chuckles with a light peach tinting his cheeks.

One part of me feels bad that I hadn’t returned the favor, until I remember I didn’t really even want to do this to begin with. Then, another part of me wishes I had returned the favor, maybe I wanted to know the same thing he did - maybe I want to know what another cock would feel like in my hand too.

“Yeah - um,” I swallow the little saliva I have left in my dry mouth. “Yeah it was nice.”

He pulls his hand from beneath the covers. “So much for not making a mess.” He laughs.

My eyes round when I see just how much I had spilt all over his hand. “Yeah, yeah sorry again, I just didn’t think that…” My eyes follow his stare on the milky white mess of mine on his hand.

His coffee brown eyes snap up to mine and utters out the last words I ever thought he’d say. “Have you ever tasted your own cum?”

I blink blankly at him, completely devoid of words.

What the fuck

“I-I um, no? Why would I?”

“I don’t know, curiosity?”

“…Have you?”

“Well, yeah, I wanted to know.” He shrugs. “It was gross, bitter. But,” His eyes flutter back down to his hand. “I’ve obviously never tasted anyone else’s. I wonder if yours tastes different?”

My brain seems to glitch, not fully comprehending his statement.

“I-I um, I mean, probably.”

“Would it be super weird if I tasted it?”

My brows shoot up at the question.

But I reply before I’m even sure of my answer. “No, I um, don’t think it would be that weird?”

And it wouldn’t be, right?

He’s just curious.

Just like he was about my cock.

“Alright.” His tone much less confident than just seconds ago.

His dark brown eyes drop to the puddle of my cum on his right hand, just above where his thumb meets his hand. He lifts it tentatively up to his mouth; my eyes can’t help but rotate between his face and his approaching hand. Hesitantly, he darts his pink tongue past his lips to dip the tip of it into the puddle. Unexpectedly, his eyes find mine, snapping me out of my gaze that was locked on his tongue. His mahogany eyes surprise me, with how round and soft they are - so puppy dog-like for a situation such as this. I blink at him and for some reason, seeing him flatten his tongue a bit on the remnants of me makes my cock twitch. He takes a scoop of my orgasm on his tongue and into his mouth.

“Hm.” He hums, almost sounding pleased, like he was taste-testing wine. “You taste better than me. Sweeter. Must be all those bananas you eat.”

Sweeter

My brows join together, perturbed, “It can’t be that different?”

His boney shoulders raise into a shrug. “You can try mine if you want? To make it even or whatever.” He gestures his left hand up a bit to remind me that his mess remains on that hand too.

“Oh - I - well -“ I watch his hand gesture towards me again. The turbulence in my tummy reminds me of when someone offers you a gift and out of politeness, you’re supposed to refuse it - but I don’t want to refuse. I want to know.

“Oh c’mon it’s only fair, it’s not that bad.” He urges me, only reaffirming my inability to voice a decline.

I look down at the back of his hand covered in cloudy white rivers. My fingers gently take hold of his wrist and he lets me take control of his arm without a single ounce of resistance. I bring his hand to my lips and copy his actions - dart my tongue out and meet his eyes. His are just as intrigued as mine were, locked in my tongue.

The second his cum meets my taste buds, my eyes flutter closed. I’m surprised at the taste, it’s bitter and salty, what I imagine battery acid must taste like. The texture is about what I imagined, thick and slimy. And yet, even with the immediate disgust of it, it makes my cock twitch again. There’s a tingle in my fingertips and on my tongue that urges me to lap up the rest of his orgasm but I fear if I did, I’d be completely hard again. I never thought something as rancid as battery acid would make me hard, but for some reason right now it’s threatening to.

I’ve never been more grateful for anything more than the duvet on my body right now.

I half-force a twist in my face at the taste as I pull back from his arm. “Augh, that’s disgusting.”

He lets out a hearty laugh, “See! Told ya.”

A nervous chuckle escapes me, “That you did…”

-Next Day-

Since landing an apprenticeship at a local tattoo parlor, I don’t see much of either Noah or Folio. While I’m at work after class, they’ve been hanging out at the library in a study group full of people I barely know - people from the frat party a couple weeks ago.

Today though, I got off my shift early and I’m on a different mission.

My tires screech and the weight of my entire body jerks forward as Stella makes another abrupt stop at a redlight. My hand lands on my dash as a reflex I had gotten far too familiar with.

My tongue passes between my lips before pressing them together and close my eyes through a deep breath. I consider myself a fairly patient person, but if there’s anyone on earth who could get me to snap, it is definitely my sister.

“I told you to start braking 5 million feet ago.” I exhaled with the hopes of Buddha himself coming down and bestowing me with a well-deserved medal of excellent patience.

“Whatever, we still stopped, didn’t we?” She sasses, as she continues to dance to whatever pop song pours through the speakers.

“Yeah, barely.” I grumble, crossing my arms in the passenger seat. “I have no idea how they let you pass your driver’s test.”

“You are so grouchy today.” She glares at me. “What, did the shop bully you again?”

My eyes roll so hard they could’ve fallen out. “No.” I clench my fingers into my palms and stretch them out as overlayed flashbacks of scrubbing every inch of the tattoo parlor flash across my mind. “No, I just cleaned a lot. Fumes. Headache.”

“Right.” She responds unconvinced.

The car takes a sharp turn into a plaza I’ve only ever driven past before and pulls into a parking spot right in front of the destination of my mission.

“We’re here!” She beams, turning the engine off.

We walk up to the small shop snuggled in the tiny strip. The walls look like they were once white, a long, long time ago. Now they’re stained a yellow-y beige with weeds and vines growing across the plaster.

“’Record Store. Plus repairs.’” I read off the giant red letters above the door. “How creative.”

Stella’s elbow sharply jabs into my ribcage. “Ow!” I hiss and recoil away from her.

“Be nice. Be cool.” She scolds me in a hushed tone.

Whatever the fuck ‘nice and cool’ means to a teenage girl.

A bell trills sharply when she pushes open the glass door. A rush of cold AC blasts against our skin soon as we step into the foyer.

At the tall reception desk stands a man with lengthy brown hair and a long face. He looks a couple years older than me, at least 23ish.

“Hi Jolly!” Perks Stella almost jumping the second her fingertips meet the glossy wood.

My teeth dig into my bottom lip in an attempt to stifle a giggle when I see the man noticeably deflate the moment he hears the shrill chirp of my sister’s 16-year old voice.

He sets down his pen on whatever paperwork he was working on and turns to us, “Hello Stella.” He greets flatly, with a hint of a foreign accent I can’t place yet.

It’s quite obvious that she comes in here often, more than she’s let on – enough for them to be on a first-name basis.

“Jolly, this is my brother Nick, Nick this is Jolly.” She beams at his name, completely smitten with the older boy. If it wasn’t so obvious that he’s irritated by her mere presence, I’d be more protective of her - but she’s perfectly fine. She’s made sure of that herself.

“Hey.” I meekly wave at him.

He acknowledges me with a nod and looks back at her. “What’s up.”

“Well, we need your help!” She rocks up and down on her feet with her hands behind her back.

“Great. What is it you need help with?” His fingertips restlessly patter on the table top, impatiently waiting for her to deliver her pitch faster.

“Go on Nick, show him.” She urges motioning her hand towards him.

I sigh and pull out my phone from my jean’s back pocket, then scroll to find a picture of Noah’s snapped guitar and hand it to the man.

“Could you fix that? Or know someone who could?” I inquire, already feeling as though the trip was hopeless.

His brows pull together as he inspects the picture then uses two fingers to zoom in on the instrument. “Whoever did this really did a number on it.”

“Yeah.” I mumble, scratching the back of my neck. “So, do you think you could fix it?”

“Hmm.” He hums, pulling down his thick-rimmed glasses down his nose. “I can’t say for sure, you’d have to bring it in.”

Air escapes my throat with another sigh, that’s the last thing I wanted to hear. “Okay. I’ll get it in as soon as I can.” Even though I have no idea how I’ll be able to do that without Noah noticing.

He hands me back my phone, “That’s a really rough break.”

“Trust me, I know. Thanks for looking.” My tone suddenly lacking optimism. “And sorry about…” When I turn to point at Stella, I realize she’s not beside me anymore, now shuffling through the various wooden crates of records. “Her.”

He taps his pen against the counter and glances over at her. “It’s fine. She brings friends in. They buy records. Sales are sales.” He shrugs before going back to whatever he was working on before we interrupted him.

Stella doesn’t seem to want to leave anytime soon so I let myself roam around the shop. The majority of the small store is made up of boxes full of records, a mix of old and new. A small, separated section has various instruments strewn about, most of them looking refurbished. The air is pungent with the smell of sandalwood incense, some kind of chemical-y polish, and stale wood.

“Okay! Ready to go!” Stella calls from behind me and when I turn to her she’s holding a record that I recognize.

“Since when do you listen to Nine Inch Nails?” My brow arches up, seeing as she’s only ever been a Taylor Swift type of girl.

She giggles, “Jolly suggested them.”

I take two fingers and pinch the bridge of my nose with a deep sigh, “Okay, whatever, let’s go.”

Stella and I walk into the house and my ears are immediately unsettled by the sounds that fill the house. They’re giggles, some I recognize to be Noah’s but the other is quite … feminine.

The edges of Stella’s lip curl into a mischievous grin, “Oooooh Noah snuck a girl innnn.” She snickers in a sing-song tone.

“Go to your room Stella.” I order, mostly because her tone irritated me but also because I don’t want her to see what’s behind the cracked door.

She gives me a glare, “You’re just jealous that he’s getting some and you’re not.”

“Go. To. Your. Room.” I repeat sternly through gritted teeth.

“Fine, whatever. Be the party pooper you always are.” She huffs before turning down the hall and slamming the door behind her when gets to her room.

I blink at the doorknob as her words sear into my chest. I question even interrupting until another giggle pierces my eardrums.

I’m precarious with the way I approach the cracked door and peer in. Noah and the girl from the party, Kassidy, next to each other on the bed with open textbooks and notebooks littered about. They’re laughing at something but all I can focus on is her hand on his thigh. An odd twist forms in my abdomen, somewhere between my ribs and my gut. It makes me feel sick, like I ate some gas station sushi.

My knuckle taps on the door and creaks it open. “Hey.”

“Oh, hey Nick!” Noah seems surprised to see me but not necessarily upset by my presence, which for some reason eases the knot in my chest. “I heard a door slam did-”

It’s not until the blonde waves at me with the hand that’s not glued to Noah’s thigh that I realize the anger staining my fingertips.

“Noah, can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask through a fake smile.

“Sure.” He nods, “Be right back, Kass.”

Once the bedroom door clicks behind him, I feel myself begin to unravel.

“Does my mom know you’re bringing girls home?” I question, my voice coming out much harsher than intended.

“No…?” He answers. “I figured I would just do what we always did with each other? Sneak in.”

“Okay well, I don’t appreciate you bringing girls into my room. Please tell me you guys didn’t do anything in my bed.” The words shoot from me, quick and sharp, like acid bullets.

His face falls and I see the light behind his warm eyes dim.

Fuck

I regret the words the second I realize my mistake. Though I suppose on some level, deep down, I knew that the word choice would hurt him, but I said it anyway.

I said it anyway.

I was so upset that I said it anyway.

“No?” He replies sounding a bit offended at the accusation, even though it’s not out of the realm of possibility. “I wouldn’t do that in your bed.”

The impulse to lash back is there, bubbling just under my skin, but I have no reason to be angry. No valid, explainable reason. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Lie.

“Right.” Noah says softly but with a slight edge. “Well, I” He thumbs over his shoulder. “Um, she was just about to leave so.”

“Okay.” I reply quietly, suddenly overwhelmed with an odd mixture of anger and guilt.

While Noah escorts the girl out to say goodbye, I begin tidying up the room. Noah is pretty clean thankfully, so the room itself is clean, but I can’t shake the feeling of something oddly foreign within the four walls. The room suddenly feels so dirty and the taste on my tongue is sour like expired milk. My eyes land on the bed sheets and my stomach feels like I had drank expired milk – maybe 3 whole gallons of it. My mind struggles to account for the food I had eaten today but fails. Surely that is the reason for my abrupt nausea.

Before I can even process my actions, my fingers hungrily latch onto the bed sheets, snapping each fitted corner off the mattress. Heavy textbooks and pens hit the floor with a loud crash.

Despite having just washed them, I’m absolutely positive that they’re filthy.

Maybe they smelled too much like stagnant laundry this morning

Maybe they were making me itchy last night

Maybe I developed an allergy to our detergent

Maybe it’s been too warm and I soaked them in sweat

Or maybe I just want to clean the fucking sheets.

“Oh,” Noah’s gentle voice startles me from the doorway. His eyes trail up from the mess on the floor to the balled-up sheets beneath my palms. “Um, did I accidentally get highlighter on them or something?”

“Nope.” I’m quick to answer. “Just wanna wash ‘em.”

His brows furrow still looking at where my hands keep the shape of the large sphere of material. “Oh. Um, well. I just washed them like 2 or 3 days ago?”

“It’s fine, I just want to wash them again.” I respond shortly.

“Okay… well, let me do it then.” He crosses the space between us going for the sheets but I pull away.

“No. I got them, thanks.” I avoid him by swerving around his thin body and head towards the door.

“Well, what can I do? I could mop again or… reorganize the fridge? Or…” He trails off, not being able to come up with much else.

“No, Noah. It’s Stella’s turn to mop and who the fuck offers to reorganize a fridge?” I snap at him from the doorway, “You don’t need to be cleaning the house 24/7, okay?”

His eyes falter but he nods “Oh, sorry, I um, I just wanna be doing my part. You know… earn my keep and all that? I just… wanna help.”

My face softens and the tight muscles in my shoulders ease. I feel guilt all over again.

I sigh. “I’m sorry – I just - I just had a bad week with school and with the shop and,” I pause. “I didn’t mean to snap at you, okay?”

He nods and the edges of his mouth upturn ever so slightly into a tight-lipped smile. “Okay.” He pauses, fidgeting with his fingers. “Sorry about Kassidy. I should’ve asked.” He says quietly while his eyes drop to his anxious hands.

The tips of my fingers curl into the sheets a bit, a stream of… frustration maybe? shoots through my veins. “It’s okay. I just don’t want my mom to get mad.”

A half lie.

“Right.”

When I turn to leave, he stops me, “Oh – I wanted to ask you something?”

My eyes widen while still turned away from him. A chill rolls up my spine at the realization that we’ve barely spoken since yesterday morning, when his hand was around my cock.

“Um sure, what’s up?” I turn back to him cautiously.

“Well, the fair is in town this weekend, I thought we could go? You know, me, you and Folio?”

I smile at him, relieved it wasn’t about something else. “Sure, sounds fun.”

-Friday Night-

When Folio comes to pick us up, I immediately regret agreeing to carpool. The passenger side door flings open with yet another blonde in the front seat. This one a bit more of a natural, darker blonde and not nearly as bobblehead-like. She looks vaguely familiar, maybe she was one of the wannabe sorority girls from the frat party.

I sigh when I glance over to my busted blue car that’s been acting up every morning since the cold weather’s been getting closer.

The girl smiles wide at us and gets out so we can fold her chair to get to the backseat.

We squeeze our way to the back and naturally, Noah’s mile-long limbs take up most of the room.

The thick distinctive stench of paper-wrapped nicotine coats the cracking plastic of his car doors and the pungent aroma of $10-per-gram weed oozes from the stained beige seats.

Even though Nick brought his ‘friend’, I feel decent about the fair tonight. I mean these are the things we should be doing, right? Going out is what college kids do.

The girl hands back a plastic bottle wrapped in brown paper and Noah hungrily takes it.

“Vodka.” She says simply with a dazed smile.

“Cool.” Noah grins, though I know he’s never tasted pure vodka in his life.

He puts the bottle to his lips and tips it back, immediately scrunching his face in disgust at the taste. If it was just us, I know he would’ve spit it out.

He wipes his mouth off with the back of his hand, “Not bad.” He lies straight through his teeth.

Noah tips the bottle offering it to me. I shake my head and wave it off, “No, I’m good thanks.”

“Oh, c’mooonn Nick, don’t be a wuss.” Noah whines.

“Yeah Nick, loosen up! Have some fun!” Folio perks up from the driver's seat and watches me in the rearview mirror.

The last time he told me to “loosen up”, he ended up floundering in a lake so it hardly has an enticing ring to it.

“No really.” I reaffirm. “Not for me.”

Noah tsk’s and rolls his eyes, “You’re no fun.”

The words hit me square in the chest and my ribs mold around the letters like playdoh.

You’re no fun.

They’re simple words. Logically, I know they’re mostly a joke. Yet, they burn like a lit match colliding with white paper.

You’re no fun.

We’ve been friends for a long time. Long enough to sit in boring silence scrolling on our phones comfortably for hours. But now I’m no fun because I won’t drink out of a foreign bottle?

The searing in my lungs forces my hand to reach and snatch the bottle from him abruptly. I don’t think, I just do. I take the bottle to my lips and tilt my head back with scrunched-closed eyes. I chug, better he did and better than the girl, until the scorching of my throat gets too much.

I shove the bottle back at him, now an extra quarter empty. His face and every other face in the car seem shocked, eyes wide with slightly dropped jaws.

“What?” I hiss and let out a vodka-singed burp. “You told me to have fun.”

Nick’s wheels roll to a halt in the dirt of the fair’s extended parking. The crowded car disperses faster than I anticipated, leaving me alone in the empty car. I stumble out of my seat and precariously steady myself in the dirt to scan the parking lot for the group. The four of them are already ahead of me, nearly halfway to the entrance. Their laughter carries in the wind all the way back over to me.

Once I catch up, I trail behind them quietly. My hands stuffed in my pockets and my Vans kicking up dry dirt, just trying to focus on walking in a straight line.

As we approach the ticketing office, my heart plummets to my stomach when I see two familiar girls standing at the gate waiting for us.

I should’ve known.

“Nicholas, you remember Brooke, right?” Noah grins and gestures to the carbon copy of every other sorority girl on campus.

“Yeah. Hey.”

That’s when I notice the delay in my words and the lag between my fingertips as I wave to her. And as we buy our tickets and make our way into the fair, I catch the warmth all over my skin and the growing numbness in my lips.

I think I’m drunk. Really drunk.

We make a solid lap around the entire park – picking up random snacks here and there, some fried oreos, a shared funnel cake, slushees, and more I can’t even remember. All the fried food mixed with the couple spin-y rides and the alcohol sloshing in my stomach, I was more than ready for an actual meal. I convinced everyone on hotdogs since it’s the cheapest food here and I’d already spent a good chunk of my tip money on ride tickets and overpriced junk food.

When we reach the window of the hotdog stand we’re met with a familiar face.

“Bryan!” Exclaims Folio, excited to see his fraternity mentor.

As always, Bryan looks about as thrilled as a mother of toddler triplets after a candy bender.

“Trout.” He replies unenthusiastically with his monotone cadence matching the deep sleep-deprived purple beneath his eyes.

Normally I would’ve giggled at Folio’s ridiculous nickname but my body was too focused on sustenance.

“Two hotdogs and fries please.” I skip past the rest of the indecisive group.

“We’re out of fries.” He replies flatly.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

He just shrugs, unbothered.

“Fine. Just the hotdogs then.” I huff.

“Coming right up.” He feigns enthusiasm.

The rest of the group place their orders and I can’t help but find amusement in how comical Bryan looks. He’s uniformed in a hotdog themed apron and a silly hotdog visor.

We finally make our way to a painted blue picnic table that sits off to the side away from the busy crowd. I’m grateful for the small respite from the overwhelming, overstimulating chatter.

I fucking hate hotdogs. Usually.

But the minute that meat and bread combo meets my tastebuds, it is as though heaven itself found home in my mouth.

The rest of table fades out as I devour my food and it is only when I’ve finished my 2nd dog that start regaining consciousness. I glance over at the boys who are in the midst of telling some story that’s got all the girls laughing.

My eyes land on Kassidy. She’s giggling at every single thing Noah says and he’s looking at her like she hung the moon.

No matter how tacky or annoying she is, she’s still objectively beautiful – beautiful in a way I could never be.

The way she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, makes me want long blonde hair too. When she bats her fake lashes at him, it makes me wish mine were longer. Her nails adorned with white tips suddenly make my nailbeds feel bare. The foundation caked on her face reminds me of the breakout I have on my cheek and the stubble growing beneath my nostrils. All at once I’m disappointed with every bit of myself that isn’t like her.

A fleeting moment of curiosity passes pondering if this is what it feels like to question your gender. It had never crossed my mind to be anything other than male, nothing else I ever desired. I’ve never felt like I was in the wrong body or anything of the sort – so, I don’t quite think that’s what I’m feeling now.

Maybe I just envy her existence or how confident she is. Maybe I find her attractive? It’d be kinda shitty if I found her attractive, seeing as she’s Noah’s date and I’m here with Brooke. I don’t think it’s that either, since I can barely tolerate either of them.

Perhaps I’m just drunk and confused.

I must just be drunk and confused.

Once the food settles in my tummy, I feel significantly better, a little nauseous still but better nonetheless. My buzz has fizzled, but the tips of my fingers still tingle and words are still hard.

I quietly use a leftover bun to move around a glob of ketchup as entertainment. Noah’s always been the social one, he’s always been the connections, the glue. So, it’s no surprise that he’s captured the attention of the whole table, filling the air with collective drunken giggles. Normally though, he helps nudge me gently into conversations. He helps me not stay silent like I am now. It’s fine though, I don’t have much to contribute since they have all these inside jokes from their study group.

I snap out of my daze when I hear Folio crunch a coke can in his hand as he gets up from the table. There’s an emptiness beside me I hadn’t felt til now – Brooke is gone.

My gaze follows the group as they get up from the table to bring their trash to the overflowing garbage can.

“Where did Brooke go?” I ask to the general conglomerate, most of which pay no mind to me.

“She left to go meet up with some other friends.” Noah replies, his tone suggests that he’s downplaying the situation. I’m sure she wasn’t having fun with a half-drunk silent boy.

‘You’re no fun’ rings in my head from earlier in the car.

2 things I’ve learned from tonight are:

1 – eat hotdogs when drunk.

2 – pretending to be “fun” is really fucking exhausting.

“Oh.” I say quietly, matching their actions by tossing my flimsy paper plate and Dr. Pepper can into the trash.

“We’re heading towards the bigger rides, if you want to come.” He turns and follows the rest of the group through some carnival game tents.

‘If you want to’ I mimic him in my head.

No I don’t fucking want to but I was driven here and I’m stranded.

“Yeah.” I mumble and quickly jog to meet them ahead of me.

The others made their way to the short ferris wheel line after I insisted it was okay to leave me behind. I sure as fuck didn’t want to sit in a pod alone or 3rd wheel on one of their’s.

I watch Noah and Kassidy’s pod reach and stop at the peak of the small ferris wheel, I don’t know why I’m watching but my body is rooted where I stand. Upon it’s a slow descent down, I see it.

His hand cupping her face. Their lips locked.

It’s not a decision I make until their pod locks at the gate and they’re being let out. My foot swivels in the dirt, kicking up dying grass as I try to dip around various family-owned booths for cover. As feared, I hear him calling from behind. I knew I had messed up by making a run for it so late.

“Nicholas!”

His calling only makes my legs move faster – I’m not sure exactly why I’m running or what good it’ll do, just that I need to get as far away from him as possible.

He catches up to me faster than I was prepared for. Fall leaves crunch beneath his worn-out Converse. “Where are you going?” He asks and before I even turn around to see him, I know the look on his face. The same look that I can’t seem to ever say no to – the one that breaks my back just to make me bend to him.

I sigh and turn to him. “Noah, I’m going home.”

“What! Why?”

And there it was. Big, round, puppy dog eyes full of decadent chocolate so sweet it could rot the teeth right out of your skull - paired with pouted lips that demand pity and restitution.

“I’m not having fun. I don’t want to be here.”

“What? You told me you wanted to go to the fair?” He questions with curved eyebrows.

“No. I didn’t. You invited me. You told me that I wanted to go. You tricked me into being on a triple date I didn’t want to be on.” My arm gesturing towards the fair.

“Well, c’mon we can still make it fun! We can just get some more ride tickets and-” He grabs the sleeve of my flannel and tugs at it towards the fair.

I yank my arm back so hard it nearly pulls him back with it, “No you’re not listening to me Noah. I don’t want to be here. Why do you continue to bring me places that you KNOW I won’t like?”

“We’ve been to the fair a million times, Nick.” He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Yeah! With just us! Not with three random fucking girls!” The churning in my chest begins to spit drunken thoughts out without filters.

His brows knit together in confusion. “They’re not random girls Nicholas, and I really thought you’d hit it off with Brooke-”

“Oh my god, why the fuck would you think I’d get along with her? Just because she’s got tits and ass? Sorry, I’m not you, I need a little more than that.” I scoff.

“Well, I-I don’t know just thought you’d want-”

“Augh!” I groan and pace a tiny lap around the grass. “Can you stop assuming you know what I do or don’t want?”

“So, let me get this straight. You don’t want to go to parties, or the fair, or hang out with girls… normal college stuff, you don’t want?”

My heart pounds hard against my eardrums and my fingers burn with frustration. My fists tighten at my sides and my jaw clenches, digging each row of teeth into the other. Molten lava threatens to spill from my throat.

“No, Noah. I guess I don’t want ‘normal college stuff’, I don’t fucking like alcohol and I don’t even know if I like girls!”

My yelled words tumbled from my mouth so easily I didn’t even realize I said anything that odd until Noah’s eyes widen.

I don’t even know if I like girls.

“What?” Noah asks softly and genuinely with his head tilted slightly.

“I-I,” I stumble back, accidentally hitting an oak tree behind me. “I’m- I just need to go home.”

“Nick.” His hands stretch out to grab my arm as I turn to leave but he’s a millisecond too late. “Nick!” He calls after me.

Every bit of adrenaline available in my body propels me forward, past all the booths, all the rides, and through all the neighboring forest. When my feet finally find asphalt, my head feels like a basketball on a player’s fingertip. My eyes widen at a sharp turn in my stomach. I analyze my surroundings in a split second, running towards a lamp post for support. The moment my palm touches the cold metal, I double over and empty the contents of my stomach onto the concrete. The funnel cake, the cotton candy, the fried Oreos, the slushees, and the goddamn fucking hotdogs all found home the sidewalk.

I don’t even know if I like girls.

Why would I say that?

Is that true?

Do I not like girls?

Of course, I like girls.

I wobble over to a bench and sit on the cool wood. The weather’s a lot colder now that the sun has set, and I regret not bringing a proper jacket.

I like girls. I know I like girls. Right?

I mean, I’ve been jerking off to girls… this whole time? So, if I didn’t like girls, why would I do that?

I like girls.

Only.

I like girls.

Right?

I shake my head of the thoughts spinning faster than I can even grasp.

The dim light of the street lamp flickers and it occurs to me that it’s almost 10 pm and I have no idea where I am or how to get home.

Fuck.

Pulling my location up in my Maps app tells me that I’m still fairly close to the fair, which unfortunately means I’m pretty far from home. Tears begin prickling in my eyes and a tight knot forms in my throat.

The weight of the night crashes down onto me all at once.

The “you’re no fun”

The fucking hot dogs

The “she went to meet other friends”

The “if you want to”

The ferris wheel

The “I don’t even know if I like girls”

“Fuck.” My voice cracks as tears take hostage of my cheeks.

My body doubles over, folding in on itself to bury my face in my hands.

I’m drunk, I had a shit night, I left my best friends at the fair and now I’m stranded on some random street.

Even through my own heaving, a brief pang of guilt shoots in my stomach for leaving Noah behind.

He wanted to have a good night, perhaps I ruined it.

In the past, I would’ve stayed feeling guilty because I knew for a fact that if the roles were reversed, he’d come back to find me. But now, I’m not so sure. I don’t think he’d leave Kassidy for anyone or anything.

Not even me.

My palms try to stave off the tears by digging into my eye sockets.

“Fuck, okay. I need to get it together.” I say out loud to myself, letting out a deep exhale. “What the fuck am I gonna do.”

Both of my only friends are still at the fair.

Mom is at work.

So that leaves me with…

Stella.

“Shit.”

I unwillingly pull myself from the bench and begin to pace back and forth taking fast but deep breaths. I ring out my hands out, trying to expel any sort of panic from them. The last thing I need is for her to see me like this.

Finally, once I’ve composed myself, I dig my phone out of my pocket and click her contact name “Snot”.

It rings for a little bit too long and I almost hang up just before she answers.

“Hello?” She asks a little louder than necessary, shortly after I hear a flood of giggles in the background. Her sleepover.

“Hey.” I barely get out without my voice cracking.

“Hey, what’s up?” She asks with concern lacing her voice. There’s the sound of a door closing behind her, shutting out the chatter.

“Oh um-“ My tone pitched up and I feel tears welling up in my eyes again. If the rest of tonight’s events weren’t enough, here I am making a fool out of myself to my little sister. “I forgot about your sleepover. It's fine – I’ll just walk home or something.”

“Walk home? Where are you?”

I swallow the knot in my throat trying to keep my voice level, normal and calm but my pause is long and loud.

“I-I,” My eyes squeeze shut pushing as much of my tears out. “I don’t know.”

“Did you drink?”

The back of my hand roughly wipes my nose. “Yes.”

“Are you with Noah?” Her voice is gentle and kind and reminds me of how our mother would talk to us when we scraped our knees.

I sniffle and my voice threatens to break once more. “No.”

“Okay.” She states as if she just got handed a checklist of effortless tasks. “The girls were just about to go home.” I know that’s a lie. “Drop me a pin and I’ll come get you.”

“Thanks Stell.” I reply quietly.

“Of course.”

It took about 20 minutes for Stella to pick me up in my own car.

My arms wrap around my shivering body and my head rests on the window as I watch the streetlights zoom past us. Her speed is inconsistent, fast in short bursts then slow in long drags. Her stops are jerky and her turns wide. If this was an early Tuesday school morning, she wouldn’t be able to stop my mouth from rambling off critiques. But tonight, opening my mouth seems more dangerous than her driving.

“So. Do you wanna talk about what happened?” She cuts through the silence unapologetically, like opening a crisp can of Coke in a dead, silent room.

I shake my head.

“C’mon. You can’t really expect me to pick you up in the middle of nowhere at midnight without any context?” She patters her fingertips on the steering wheel and glances over at me. “Did something happen with Noah? Did you get into a fight?”

“Something like that.” I mutter.

She squints her eyes and kind of tilts her head to the side. “You guys never fight?”

“Well.” I reply bluntly. “Things change, I guess.” The fabric of the seat cover stretches as I shift. “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.”

The gears spin in her head, I can almost see them. “Weird.” She mumbles under her breath. “Was it about a girl?”

“I said I’m done answering questions.”

“Sheesh, okay.” She says defensively.

Silence fills every empty space in the car. I’m not sure I’ve ever been uncomfortable around my sister before, but I certainly am now. It’s a new feeling, something I want to run and hide from. My knee bounces nervously as my mind cycles through everything that happened tonight. Regardless of anxiety and confusion twisting my organs into pretzels, I fear that if I don’t say what’s chanting in my head right now, I could explode.

“I told Noah that I don’t even know if I like girls.” I blurt out with extreme urgency, as if I didn’t get it out now, I never would.

Her eyes widen a bit but they stay focused on the road. My heart thumps hard against my chest threatening to jump right out.

“Okay.” She says calmly but cautiously. “And why did you say that?”

“I-I don’t know.” I let the weight of my body finally relax and sink into the seat. “You’ve known me my whole life. Do you think that I… might not only like girls?”

She turns to me at a red light and the face she gives me reminds me of when she was 4 and I was 7, when I speculated that Santa might not be real. Without a second thought she replied, “Of course he’s not real, silly.”

Even at 4 years old she was smarter than me.

“I think that might be a question you have to figure out yourself, Nick. I can’t tell you what you do or don’t like.”

I huff, suddenly frustrated that I couldn’t hand off such a complex task onto someone else – that I couldn’t have someone else give me a quick, solid, factual answer.

“I guess you’re right.” I mumble.

She returns her focus to the road and lets out a little sigh. “Do you remember when we were little? And we liked Power Rangers?”

“…Yeah?” I reply confused as to what exactly Power Rangers has to do with my sexuality.

“Well, I remember the first time we watched it - and you thought it was so stupid.”

“No I didn’t? I loved Power Rangers?”

“No.” She corrects me. “At first, when it was just us, you thought it was dumb. But then all your friends started liking it and suddenly you did too. You even wanted to be the red one for the group costume that Halloween, remember?”

“Okay… and? What are you getting at?”

“I can’t tell you what you are or aren’t, Nick. But you’re right - I have known you my whole life. And I know that sometimes you change things about yourself to, I don’t know… not make waves? Not stand out? To fit in? I don’t know your reasoning and I don’t know if that’s what you did with this. But… just something to think about I guess?”

My fingers tap at my knee in thought. I don’t really remember that specific component, only that I had Power Ranger shirts and bedsheets. I remember playing with the figures on the playground with friends and running around the neighborhood with them on Halloween as the Red Ranger. If I was having fun, does it really matter if I didn’t actually like Power Rangers?

“Yeah… I guess it’s something to think about.” I let out a deep sigh. “How’d you get so smart anyway?”

She shoots me a smile, “I learned from the best.”

“Nope, definitely not me. That was all Mom.”

“Who did you think I meant?” She smirks.

“Ha-ha so funny.” I roll my eyes with a toothy grin, finally feeling the tiniest sliver of ease enter my body.

The relaxation slipped from me as quickly as it arrived. “Please don’t um, tell her…or anyone that we talked about this – especially Noah.”

“You got it. I would never.”

I somehow feel relieved yet terrified of what I’ve just divulged to her.

“Do you wanna get donuts from that 24-hour place? And maybe some water for your inevitable hangover?”

“God yes please.” My thumbs rub circles into my throbbing temples. “And a burger please, jesus I need a burger. And fries, I need fries more than air right now.”

“Fiiine, McDonalds too, I guess.”

“Thanks, Stell.” I say soft and genuine.

“Of course, Nick.”

I smile kindly at her. Tomorrow I’ll probably regret everything I said and did tonight but right now, I’m getting junk food with my sister at midnight and the world is quiet. Everything feels okay, even if it only lasts until the end of my Mcdonald’s.

I wave Stella goodnight as she walks into her room. With a twist of my doorknob, I open my door and my feet halt in their tracks. My swollen eyes widen at the last thing I expected to be in my room.

“What are you doing here?” I question before I can even really gauge my own reaction.

Noah sits on the edge of the bed still in the same outfit from the fair.

“I went looking for you.” His brown eyes find mine and it makes my chest ache the same way it did earlier on the bench.

“You did?” My square shoulders soften briefly before straightening back up again. “And why would you do that?” I snap at him.

The space between his brows burrows slightly, seemingly confused by my harsh response. “Well, I-I,” He presses his lips together while his fingers pick at his nails. “I was worried about you.”

My eyes dart down to the carpet and try to ignore the way my heart swells at his words. I swallow hard and curl my fists at my sides. “Well, you’ve got nothing to worry about. I’m fine.”

“Oh okay…” He trails off and lets his gaze drop to his fiddling hands and bouncy leg. “I just wanted to make sure, I guess.”

“Okay well, you’ve made sure. Now I really just wanna go to bed, if that’s okay with you.” I cross all of the two feet from the doorway to my dresser and forcefully yank the top drawer open.

He carefully lifts from the bed and meets me where I dig for clothes. “Nicholas.” His voice is gentle and full of concern, but no matter how much it should comfort me it just fans the flames of my resentment.

“What now, Noah.” I sigh harshly and turn to him.

“What did you mean at the fair?”

After the food adventures I had with Stella, it had almost erased what I had said from my memory. Too bad it couldn’t have done that to him too. I was really banking on him being too drunk to even remember. But I should know better than that – Noah and his very selective memory.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I feign confidence and turn back away from him to focus on finding PJs. My chest and limbs fill with a feeling similar to sitting in the waiting room of a principal’s office. Suddenly, I’m small and the room triples in size while the oxygen rapidly depletes.

“You know what I’m talking about Nick.” His fingers gently grab my arm to turn my attention to him again. “Do you… not like girls? Do you think you’re-”

“Gah! No!” I all but spit out. The thought of what he was about to say makes me want to vomit all over again. “No, I’m not…that.”

“O-oh, okay…but if you were, you know you could tell me, right? You know you can tell me anything, like we’ve always done.” His voice is quiet and tender, even through the vodka I can still smell on his breath.

“Oh my god Noah.” I grasp at the air in frustration. “No. I just said it to, to throw you off. So you’d let me go, so you’d leave me the fuck alone.”

“Oh.” His hand slips from my arm and he takes a step away from me.

If this was any other night, after any other event, I would apologize, minimize it, and say that I’m just having a bad night. But it’s not any other night and I don’t have enough energy in my entire body to make more excuses.

My fingers dig into the bundle of PJs I hold, and my stare stays straight on his chest. “I just, want to take a shower and go to bed. Okay?”

“Right.” He sucks his teeth and nods. “Okay, enjoy your shower then.”

“I will, thanks.” I reply blandly, shoving the overflowing drawer closed.

The world seems much lighter now that the thick layer of carnival muck, the remnants of alcohol and vomit were washed down the drain. I scrunch my hair with a terry cloth towel while I walk to my room from the shower.

I’m confused to find my door cracked open with the big light still shining through the door. I spent almost an hour trying to get all the grime off and let the water ease the pulsing in my head. Surely, Noah wouldn’t still be up, it’s almost 3 am.

I quietly creak the door open to find the bed empty.

“Huh?” I whisper to myself and make my way over to the disheveled bed. Noah’s nowhere to be found, but instead there’s a plushy on his pillow. I hook my finger through the plastic carabiner attached to it and lift it to my eyeline. It’s a stuffed tuxedo cat with sunglasses that look similar to the knockoff RayBans I usually wear.

I look back at the pillow and notice there was a note beneath it. I pick it up and unfold it with the cat dangling on my pinky.

‘Saw this at the fair and thought of you.

Went to stay over at Kassidy’s so, you can have your room back for the night.

-N’

The breath that escapes from deep in my torso seems to deflate me completely. I knew the slip of up of my words the other day hurt him, more than I thought. A vine of thorns wraps around my throat, each guilt-drenched spike digs into my windpipe. He left because of me.

I take a precarious seat on the edge of the bed, holding each item in each hand. My palm aches to crush the note in my fingers but my eyes burn with salty tears too. All while the cat swells my chest in the saddest way possible. How could someone feel so many things at once?

I have no screams, no yells, no sobs left in me and my body begs for rest. I can’t let myself wallow in whatever this is, how could I make sense of it now? When my brain is so hazy and my eyes are so sleepy.

I use the back of my hand to wipe away the tiny bit of tears left in my eyes and set the note and the stuffed kitty on my bedside table. The bed creaks when I bury my knee into the mattress and let myself fall to the middle.

The bed feels colder and emptier without him in it, but right now I’m not sure this is where I want him to be.

I reach up to tug the lamp light off and pull the duvet around my shivering body.

After about 20 mins of stirring with no hope of falling asleep, I give in and just stare into the stillness of the room. My eyes finally adjust to the darkness and start making a sort of mental inventory list counting all of the items scattered around my room that aren’t mine. I try to remember what the room looked like before he moved in, but I can’t.

While there are growing pains, I can’t imagine my room without him in it anymore. He’s tangled himself into the very essence of the space.

Drawing my gaze across the room, I land on the kitty he’d gotten for me at the fair. I reach across the space and bring it to the bed, placing it in his spot.

It fills a tiny void in the vast emptiness of the bed and for about 15 minutes I cling to the minor comfort it brings, believing it might help me fall asleep.

I let out a frustrated sigh. The heaviness of the night drops onto my shoulder blades and finds refuge beneath my eyes. Once again a venomous coil tightens itself around my ribs.

It is mostly confusion that I feel, the only factor I can distinctly pick out.

The only other one I can somewhat recognize is, loneliness.

I glance back over to the cat and it dawns on me the possible reason I can't fall asleep. My fingertips tap rhythmically against the mattress cycling through my options until I find one.

I wrap my thick duvet around my body and grab my pillow before shuffling down the hall. I gently tap my knuckle against her door then crack it open just a bit.

“Stella.” I whisper-yell into her room. “Stella.”

She shifts in her bed and cracks one eye open at me. “Hm?” She groans sleepily.

I let myself in and scuffle across the carpet to her bedside. “Can I sleep on your floor?” I request in a hush.

“What? Why?” Her brows knit together with her eyes barely open. “What’s wrong with your bed?”

I chew on my bottom lip searching my brain for an answer that makes any sense but there’s only one.

“It’s empty.”

Next Chapter -> 06 - Like Us*

tag list; @ladyveronikawrites @sinkingteethinwhitenoise @concretenoah @kingdomof-omens @the-hell-i-overcame @blackveilomens @xxrainstorm [comment if you'd like to be tagged?]

Thank you for the support on this series and on my other series, Virality. I appreciate it more than you know. I love reading your comments and asks. I am incredibly grateful for them, thank you.

#i have edited this so many times and it got so long #sorry if there’s errors or is bad idk 😭#im honestly just really sick of editing and looking at it #longest chapter i’ve ever written for any of my series-es ever #as always lots of plot lots of dialogue #concreteburialplot works #intertwined series #nicholas ruffilo fanfic #nicholas ruffilo fic #nick ruffilo fanfiction #noah x nick #noah sebastian smut #noah sebastian fanfic #noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo #nicholas ruffilo smut #noah x nicholas #noah x nicholas fanfic #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fic

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sitkowski · 10 months ago

Text

MASTERPOST: the riptide verse

never trust a band that wouldn’t bleed for you, never believe in anyone who wouldn’t drive through the night to you

interconnected fics and drabbles for jolly/folio, nick/noah and matt/zephyr (oc).

header & divider by me

✱=fluff // ⦾=smut // ❧=angst

jolly & folio

⦾ sunshine riptide

⦾ heaven's gate

✱ and i'm dizzy on dreams

⦾ but only for you

✱ elusive dream

⦾ it's just fire alarms and losing you

⦾ maybe i'll burn a little brighter tonight

✱ remember us just like this forever

✱ cause we could be immortals

⦾ if my heart is a grenade you pull the pin

⦾ everyone deserves the flames

✱ but i want to spend all my tomorrows with you

⦾ eternal summer

last of the real ones (coming soon)

nicholas & noah

✱ this delicate balance

⦾ twin skeletons

⦾ you are my truest feeling yet

favorite record (coming soon)

matt & zephyr

✱ xo

⦾ my sanctuary (you're holy to me ) / riptide verse foursome

#masterpost: the riptide verse #bad omens fic #noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo #jolly karlsson x nick folio #matt dierkes x oc #.ficbysitkowski

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saythatuwill · 6 months ago

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eclipse

“I just feel like after everything this past year, I need to tell you how much I appreciate you and everything you’ve done for me.” Noah’s voice is soft and sincere and he’s definitely sounded like this before, but it feels different this time. “You never need to tell me you appreciate me. I know you do.” “Then I want to.” Well, Nick can’t discourage him from doing something he wants, especially not something like this. He’s not used to it from Noah, but it’s still sweet and very, very welcomed. “Okay,” He says. “Then I want to listen.” (Set a few months after the break.)

i apologize that i have literally only posted one thing so far. when it comes to writing i'm not good at writing small, i write big and thorough. maybe i'll start taking requests to learn to take it a little slower!

this fic is technically the prequel/part 1 of i love you (for infinity). you don't need to read it in order to enjoy this fic!

this was originally posted to ao3, read it here !!

warnings: none apply, it's just cute boyfriends.

pairing: nicholas ruffilo/noah sebastian (sebffilo)

His phone buzzes on the bedside table, and Nick groans in half-asleep frustration.

He doesn’t know who the fuck is calling him right now, nor what time it is. All he can hear is the buzzing, and the faint sound of the FaceTime ringtone. And Nick knows he could let it ring until whoever it is gets the hint and leaves him alone to sleep. But is he that kind of guy?

He lifts his face off the pillow, his hand reaching out and missing a few times to grab his iPhone from the table. His hair is in his face, probably in his mouth, and he curses himself for having fallen asleep without tying it back.

The phone stops ringing just as he finally gets it close enough to him, and he groans once more. Of course, just his luck, right? He slams the phone face down onto the mattress next to him in annoyance, but just as he lays his head back down…

Jesus Christ, there it fucking is again.

“Son of a bitch! ” He’s exhausted, he’s grumpy, and he’s half tempted to throw the device across the room and go the fuck back to bed. He flips his phone back over, the light of the screen blinding as he just barely manages to read the contact name with bleary eyes.

Noah.

Noah?

He squints at the time. It’s 3:41AM on a Tuesday, and Noah is FaceTiming him? Better yet, he’s calling him twice in a row now?

The frustration turns into worry. And worry turns into anxiety. Nicholas rubs one of his eyes, eyebrows knit together in concern.

It wasn’t like he was the only one worried about Noah. Everyone was. Folio was, Jolly was, Matt was… they all were. Tour had been hard on everyone, sure, but if you absolutely had to ask them who had taken the stress and the demand the hardest, they’d all tell you the exact same person.

Noah had really stuck it out for a long time, but Nick knew his boyfriend could only take so much. He’d started to lose sleep, his appetite suffered, his energy had hit an all time low, and the longer things went on, the more unhappy he’d begun to look on stage. Smiles could only be faked for so long.

“ Nick, you worry too much. ” Noah had told him, and he put on one of those fake smiles again. It was so forced that it made the bassist visibly cringe.

God, those beautiful brown eyes of Noah’s— they usually held this light in them, so bright that Nick was certain that it would put the sun to shame. When he smiled, they’d twinkle as they scrunched up into those pretty crescent shapes.

So when he put on that fake smile, there was no even giving Noah the benefit of the doubt. That smile did not reach his eyes, and it did not mask the emotional turmoil within him.

He knew then, that it was only a matter of time. And when it came, it came in the form of a makeshift intervention for Noah, one that had led to tears, then apologies, and finally, he’d given in. The shows needed to be canceled, Noah was too burnt out to continue like that.

That was in May. Now, it’s September. And Noah is FaceTiming him at nearly 4 in the morning.

Nicholas probably shouldn’t be fearing the worst right now, but he is. What if Noah’s having a breakdown? What if he’s reached his breaking point? What if he’s crying, or he’s drinking, or he’s making some bullshit reckless decision just to feel something?

Sleepiness doesn’t matter anymore. Nick’s thumb swipes quickly to answer the call. He doesn’t know what state he’s going to see the love of his life in, but he’s prepared to help him. He’s prepared to be his anchor to ground him. He is ready to be whatever Noah Sebastian needs him to be.

“Are you okay? Are you safe?” Nick blurts it out the moment the call connects, the worry overtaking him like a concerned mother.

“Uh. Hey.” But he’s instead greeted with Noah, his phone resting against something on his desk, laptop pulled up, headphones around his neck, completely… fine. In fact, he looks great.

In the past, he’d seen Noah in worse states. Like in early June, sleep deprived and disheveled as he tried to work on music despite having been told to just relax for once in his life . Or in mid July, in tears on his bathroom floor, wondering if he’d ruined the band forever, hating himself and everything he’d ever made.

Today, he is clean shaven, he’s wearing a Naruto shirt that is not only clean, but not wrinkled. His hair is freshly washed and neat, his bangs split down the middle. It’s getting a little longer, Nick notices, and he’s not sure if he likes that or loves that.

On one hand, he misses Noah’s long hair sometimes, like when they lived together. Sometimes he’d tie it back into a messy bun and Nick’s chest would feel warm all of a sudden. On the other, the shorter haircut suited him so well; it was softer and fluffy, and sometimes when Noah was exhausted enough, he’d use his lap as a pillow and fall asleep, while Nick gently stroked his hair, playing idly with the dark brown locks.

Wait, hold on. Noah looks completely fine. So he’s not in distress, or doing something stupid, he’s just… totally good. At 4 o’clock in the morning. FaceTiming him.

“Noah, what the fuck.” He runs his hand over his face, that grumpiness starting to seep right back into his voice. “Do you know how late it is?”

“Did I disrupt your beauty rest?” There’s a playfulness in his voice, and Nick’s not sure if he wants to kiss him or punch him for it. Maybe both.

“As a matter of fact,” Nick yawns loudly, “you did. What the hell are you calling me at 4 in the morning for?”

“To make you ask questions. It worked.” This time, Noah grins, and that alone is almost enough to make Nick forget why he’s annoyed with him. Because he sees it. That light, even through the iPhone camera, it’s there. The sun is back. His sun is back, the clouds have finally cleared.

“Noah Sebastian Davis.”

“Whoa, okay, okay!” He raises his hands up off his keyboard in surrender. “I’m sorry!”

“C’mon man, it’s late. Why are you calling me?” Nick rubs one of his eyes with a hand, yawning once more as he tries to wake himself up.

“Bored.”

“And?”

“What do you mean, ‘and’?”

“The real reason, Noah.”

Noah pauses, and then he sighs, hating that Nick is right.

“I’m lonely and I miss you.” He leans his cheek against his hand, elbow rested on the arm of his computer chair. The bassist smiles to himself at the confession.

“So you choose 4 in the morning to miss me?” God damn it, he couldn’t be mad at Noah if he tried. Not when he’s the happiest he’s looked in months. So he sighs, and his boyfriend smiles because he knows exactly what that sigh means.

“I miss you all the time. Just… a little extra right now is all.” Noah’s words hang in the air, and for a moment his gaze moves elsewhere.

Noah isn’t very good with articulating the way he feels. It’s what makes being a songwriter for a band so nice sometimes, but even that has its limitations.

When things began to get bad during the tour, he didn’t say anything about it. He figured that if he put on a brave face and kept pushing, the exhaustion and the dread of waking up in the morning would eventually pass. So every day, he’d get up even though it felt like he hadn’t slept in days. Some days, he’d wish he woke up so unbearably sick he’d have to cancel a show. But if that actually happened, he knew damn well he’d try to perform anyway. He didn’t want to disappoint his fans, or his friends, or his boyfriend.

God, no. Never Nick. Not when he hardly felt worthy of being loved so unconditionally by him to begin with.

And by May, it had gotten so bad that Noah felt numb. Fake smiles only got him so far, until one morning he woke up later than expected, but when he went to greet everyone, they were all just… sitting there. Like they’d been waiting for him.

It had only taken one question. Three words.

“ Are you okay? ” And Noah had shattered like glass.

It wasn’t easy to bounce back from that. The first month being home, Noah did not want to actually take a break. Sure, he’d agreed to it, he let the shows be canceled, go home, no problem in theory. But in practice? Fuck that.

So the cycle repeated itself, just in the comfort of his own home. It didn’t last very long however; all it had taken was one FaceTime call with Nick where he’d been awake for 48 hours, genuinely hysterical from lack of sleep, for his MacBook to be taken away from him by Jolly. That had led to an argument while Noah was still sleep deprived, and it had ended in him saying some things he didn’t mean, throwing a glass plate on the floor in upset, and profuse apologies.

That had driven him a little crazy too. In the haze of success, self expectations that were way too high to reach, and the non stop pushing, and pushing, and pushing, Noah had begun to forget what else he genuinely enjoyed doing. He liked music, and making music, and singing for his music, and producing his music, and- well, it goes on.

Nick would come over sometimes, but he honestly missed when they lived together a lot. Just the comfort in knowing his boyfriend would be just down the hall if he needed him… not in different houses. Jolly was nice to live with of course, that’s his best friend, but Nick.

But now it’s September, and though he thought the misery would never end, it did. Most of it, anyway. Therapy helped a lot with that; the practice of radical acceptance. While pain is inevitable, suffering is optional . Getting back into working out, meditating, playing video games here and there, even flying out to see Folio and go fucking fishing , it all helped.

Now that he has his MacBook back, it’s all even better. He has never felt so inspired, so ready and excited to create. That night, he’d been working on a song for hours , and it’s something he’s proud of. Truly, genuinely proud of.

Then he got lonely. He’s an introverted person, he doesn’t mind being alone most of the time. Plus, Jolly does live here so he’s not necessarily alone. Though, he is most certainly asleep; when Noah had gone downstairs to get water, that motherfucker was snoring so loud it sounded like ASMR of a clogged drain.

He knows what he’s missing right now; Nick. Always Nick. His smile every morning no matter how exhausted or generally over it he is. The way his laugh sounds, that real laugh, the one that shakes his shoulders or makes him have to physically grab onto something to keep himself from doubling over. The way his fingers look when he plays the bass, or when they’re interlocked with Noah’s.

He misses holding Nick’s hand so much. Or when he can trace over the moon phase tattoos on his fingers. Sometimes he says that Noah is like the sun, and if that’s the case Nick is his moon. His blue eyes put the stars to shame with how bright they are. When he smiles, his face lights up with this ethereal glow that Noah has already written a song about.

For that reason alone, he sometimes wishes Bad Omens made softer music. If they did, he’d make an entire album about how Nicholas Ruffilo makes him feel, and the fanbase could speculate who it’s about for eternity.

Noah wonders if a contest between Nick and the moon would be fair, but if it were to happen, the vocalist thinks his boyfriend might win.

“I miss you too, babe.” There’s a shuffling sound that’s just barely picked up in the microphone as Nick sits up, reaching to turn on the lamp at his bedside. The light is so blinding that he makes a face when it turns on, and Noah snickers at the sight of it.

“Sorry I woke you though. Just really needed to hear your voice.” Noah reaches up to rake a hand through his hair, sighing in contentment. “Mind staying up for a bit?”

“Of all the people in the world, you are the only person I will wake up and stay up for. You know that.” In Nick’s mind, it is not even a question. Noah needs company, he’s got it. He needs a place to stay, he’s got it. He needs an alibi after committing a heinous crime, fuck it, he’s got it.

“I’m grateful to have you, y’know.” Noah smiles at his phone screen, pulling his headphones from around his neck and setting them down somewhere offscreen.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Noah isn’t good at feelings, but tonight he wants to try. Perhaps it’s okay to be bad at things as long as you try. “I just- I feel so lucky to have you.”

“Where’s all this coming from?” Nick’s smiling as he sets his phone down to face up at the ceiling for a moment. He digs a hair tie out of his drawer, tying his bed head back into a half-assed ponytail, then picks his phone back up.

“You never need to tell me you appreciate me. I know you do.”

“Then I want to.”

Well, Nick can’t discourage him from doing something he wants, especially not something like this. He’s not used to it from Noah, but it’s still sweet and very, very welcomed.

“Okay,” He says. “Then I want to listen.”

“I don’t always know what to say. I still don’t think I do, but fuck it I need to try. You’ve just- you’ve seen me through so much. There’s times where I feel like, if it were me, I would’ve just walked away on myself.” Noah’s talking with his hands as he tries to articulate his point. “But you didn’t. You’ve never once walked away from me.”

Nick knows what he means. They have a long history together, dating back to when they were teenagers. Sure, Noah was sometimes impulsive or did stupid shit. He had his good times, and he had his points where he was at his lowest. But walk away? Never. He would never do what he knows others in Noah’s life did; and even if that wasn’t a factor he still wouldn’t have.

“I wouldn’t dream of it. You could tell me to walk away and I still wouldn’t do it, Noah. You could, uh, I don’t know… uhhh…”

“Kill someone.”

“Kill someone- kill someone? That’s your- never mind.” He shakes his head. He’s used to Noah’s antics. “Sure, you could kill someone and I wouldn’t walk away from you. But I would call you a dumbass.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Noah laughs through his words, adoring his boyfriend’s honesty. “No, but-... that means a lot to me. Looking back on it now, I can’t believe how far we’ve come. Look at us now, you know?”

“Yeah.” Nick suddenly feels breathless as he reflects on it himself. “Look at us now.”

“There’s genuinely… no one else in this world, that I’d rather have at my side than you. You’ve helped shape me into who I am, and I see you in my future. Together, just like this.”

“Noah…”

“Just- just let me. Please .”

“Okay.” Nick goes quiet, unable to contain the smile on his lips.

“I want to grow old with you. Maybe get married or some shit when we’re a little older and have it all figured out more. If we, ever really have it figured out. I genuinely can’t fucking imagine my life without you.” Just slightly, Noah’s voice wavers. Nick almost doesn’t catch it. Hearing it makes his heart melt.

Nick parts his lips to reply, but then he closes them again. No, he’ll let his boyfriend continue, he can tell this is difficult for him to do. He couldn’t be prouder of him.

“I thought I was going to lose all of this.” Noah admits, and then he exhales. The breath is shaky. “The band, everything we worked for, the fans, the love of music, fuck… you. All of it. So I kept pushing because I really didn’t know what I’d do with myself if all of these things I worked so hard for, we worked so hard for, ended up meaning absolutely nothing because of me.”

Then, Noah sobs, softly. He runs a hand over his face, partially to wipe the tears away and partially because he’s a little embarrassed of exposing his soul like this.

But this is something he’s been working toward in therapy; the honesty. Talking about how he feels, telling people how he feels about them. He eyes the camera and sees that concerned look on Nick’s face, so he smiles.

The smile isn’t forced, it isn’t fake. His eyes still scrunch up, and they still twinkle. The sun is still shining just fine. So Nick relaxes and smiles back. The moon is glowing once more.

“Babe?” He speaks up anyway, and Noah lifts his head a little.

“Yeah?”

“I’m so fucking proud of you .”

“Fuck.” Noah covers his face with his hands and weeps into them. He doesn’t even realize how much he needed to hear those words until they’re spoken to him.

“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. I’m lucky that I’ve been able to see you through all this shit that life’s thrown at you. Getting older with you like this, being able to love you like this.” Now it’s Nick’s turn to talk, and his voice is wavering all the way through. Between the two of them, he’s probably the one that’s more in tune with his emotions. In cases like these, yeah. He’ll cry.

“I love you so fucking much Nick you don’t even know, I wish I had the words to describe it but I don’t and...” Noah’s words are muffled through his hands. He sobs again.

“I love you. I don’t need you to describe how much you love me, I feel it. I know it.” Nick reaches up to wipe at his eyes. This is not the sort of thing he expects at 4AM on a Tuesday, but he still wouldn’t trade it for the world.

“I know, I just wish I could.” Noah finally moves his hands away, and he cringes at the sight of how blotchy and red his face is. “Fuck. Ugh.” He reaches offscreen to grab a tissue.

For a moment, there’s a comfortable silence between them. No words, and that’s okay. They just look at each other and maybe there’s an unspoken conversation between them, a mutual understanding of the love they share. An understanding that doesn’t require a single word nor syllable.

“I think we should grow old together. So we can be two grouchy old men in some nursing home.” Nick speaks up first, and though it’s a stupid thing to say it makes Noah chuckle anyway.

“Jeeeesus, imagine us in a nursing home. You think I’ll still be able to growl when I’m that old?”

“I hope so. It’d scare the shit out of the nurses. They’d think you need an exorcism.”

They’re both cracking up laughing at the thought. A 93 year old Noah, growling like a demon straight out of hell, probably causing some poor soul to piss themselves. With his tired and constantly disapproving husband next to him, probably still headbanging along next to him.

“Fuck, that’s funny.” By the time they both stop laughing, Noah’s wiping tears out of his eyes for a new, much better reason. “Oh god, I needed that laugh. I’m going to be thinking about that for the next two days.”

“Every time I think of us growing old from now on, that’s what I’m gonna think about and I’m not sure if I like that or hate it.” Nick chuckles, shaking his head as he too, wipes tears from his eyes. “Oh, by the way.”

“Yeah?”

“Is your front door unlocked?”

“Uhhh, no? Why?”

“Unlock it, I’m coming over.” Nick holds his phone firmly as he stands up, looking around on his bedroom floor for his shoes.

“What? Dude, it’s 4 in the morning.” Noah’s eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are wide at how dead serious his boyfriend is being about this.

“I’m lonely and I miss you.”

Noah stares at him through the screen for a minute, realizing how his words have been thrown right back at him, and his heart warms in his chest. He really is so lucky.

“So are you just gonna sit there or are you gonna unlock the door?” Nick chuckles at the lovestruck expression on Noah’s face, and even more so at the way he snaps out of it. By now, he’s grabbed his coat and he’s just about to leave his house.

“Yeah! Yeah. I’ll go do that.”

“See you soon. I love you.”

“Love you too, Nick.” Call ended.

That night, Noah’s fingers are idly tracing the moon patterns on each of Nick’s fingers, and he is absolutely certain that there truly is no contest; Nicholas Ruffilo will always be far prettier than the moon.

Nick’s free hand plays with Noah’s dark brown locks, and only then does he think he has no preference on how long his hair grows. He’ll play with it like this either way.

The sun and the moon are together just as they should be. Eclipse.

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