#nick ruffilo fic

[concreteburialplot]

Banana Spa

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x fem!reader

masterlist: here | crossposted: ao3 | word count: 9.6k

summary: you decide to treat your boyfriend to an at home spa day before he leaves for tour again :)

warnings/themes: established relationship, sugary sweet fluff ???¿ who am i??¿, briefly sad??, light sub/dom dynamics, soft dom nick, sub reader, massage, praise kink?, pet names sorry not sorry, bathtub sex, use of a shower head, v fingering, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, orgasm delay, pnv (unprotected), riding, semi-realistic? aftercare, caregiver nick, MUSHY SORRY, again nick has a big fat one, don’t think too hard about the logistics ok, 18+ MDNI

a/n; this originally began as a nice short fluffy piece but... alas, the sad and horny demons took hostage 😅 it's just who i am okay 😭 only sad for a bit though! kinda

a/n: don't like it don't read it. don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

You stamped a knee at each side of Nick’s sides, settling yourself in his lap. His hands instinctively found your hips to have something to anchor to.

“Alright babe you gotta cooperate with me, okay?” You giggled, taking his cheeks in your hands.

He blinked up at you with his aqua eyes gleaming, so enamored with you to even care what you were doing in his lap, simply happy that you were there.

You began brushing hair out of his face and gathering it into a low, untethered bun to expose the entirety of his features. He was beautiful, nothing new to you of course, but at times like then, you couldn’t help but be awe-struck of him. He was yours and you were his.

You reached over to the table beside you to pick up some toner and soaking a cotton round with the liquid. You took it to his face, starting at his cheekbones. He hissed at the coldness of it against his warm skin.

“This smells so… chemically, are you sure it’s safe?” He asked as a half-joke and with a slightly nervous chuckle.

“Very sure my love.” A reassuring grin tugging at the corners of your mouth. “You think I would put harmful chemicals on your pretty face?” You swiped the cotton round down his nose and used it to boop the tip.

A barely visible peach coated his cheeks, if you hadn’t been so close to him, you would’ve missed it.

“I don’t know, maybe you wanna scorch my face off so the fans stop liking me.” A playful smirk draped over lips.

You rolled your eyes and squeezed his cheeks between your fingers, tilting his face upwards to meet your gaze. “Oh honey,” You cooed playfully. “The fans would simp over you even if your nose fell off.”

A true laugh rumbled through his chest and tumbled out of his lips. “Yeah, whatever.” He brushed off the statement as if you just told him the sky was green. “What’s next?” He inquired genuinely, letting his eyes drop back to your arsenal on the table.

“Hmm…” You peered over behind you and tapped your fingertips on your chin. “Oh! Yes, I forgot I got this for you!”

Your fingers plucked a small yellow glass vile. You twisted the lid and squeezed the rubber part between two fingers then released it to let the pipette fill completely.

“Let me know if this smell reminds you of anything.” You slowly and carefully slid the tip of the glass pipette across his cheek, disposing serum along the way.

His nostrils flared and restricted in short consecutive spurts trying to let the aroma fill his nose entirely. His brows knitted for just a second as he processed the smell before his eyes grew sparkly and excited. “Banana?” He asked with hesitancy still lining his words, regardless of the indistinguishable scent.

You giggled and love filled your entire chest at his adorable reaction. “I knew you’d love it.” You sighed happily and utterly love drunk.

“Hm, I love you.” He countered, admiring the pointed, concentrated face you wore as you focused on rubbing in the product. “That stuff’s made from bananas?”

“I love you too baby.” You smiled and leaned down to gently grab his face again, this time to bring your lips to his. A smile curled onto his lips against yours, sweetening the kiss. You couldn’t help but mirror the grin and savor the adoration. “Hm, I think banana enzymes or something? I don’t really know.”

You straightened back up in his lap again, using your curled index finger to tilt his chin up and swivel his face from one side to the other analyzing his skin.

“Admiring your work?” He laughed, feeling a little silly and a little insecure from being studied so closely.

“Just trying to see if you have any spots that need a little extra attention.” You hummed. “But surprise, surprise the man that only uses face wash has perfect skin.”

His chest puffed out a little involuntarily, as if you just invigorated him with newfound confidence after being so foolishly insecure. “Well, would you look at that.” He smirked.

“Yeah, yeah.” You waved him off jokingly before reaching to pick up a thin packet from the table. “Still gonna make you do a face mask though.”

He groaned, “No, no not the clay stuff again.” He winced at the memory of the chalky mud you had once put on him that somehow ended up all over his hair…and eyebrows, and ears, and fingernails, and ʘ necklace, and his favorite Paul Rudd Fanclub shirt.

The Great Face Mask Incident of 2023™️

You couldn’t help but laugh at the same memory. “No, no. I would never put you through that again.”

Nick let out a relieved sigh as if he had just gone through some war flashbacks. “Thank god.”

“No, I think you’ll quite like this one.” You pressed your lips together to not give away just excited you were to show him the mask you had in store for him.

You carefully pulled the folded sheet mask from the packet, letting any excess drip back into the pouch before setting it to the side. You then began delicately unfolding the thin fabric of the mask. Nick’s brows knitted together, and his head cocked to the side slightly like a confused puppy as he tried to gather what sort of potential torture device you were preparing for him. Finally, you unveiled the round sheet with the likeness of a cartoon tuxedo cat.

His silver eyes lit up the second he realized. “It’s Jerry!” It melted your heart at just how wide his smile got, all toothy and reaching his eyes.

You giggled and nodded, “It sure looks a lot like him, doesn’t it?”

Once you were able to keep him from wiggling around, you put the mask on, tugging it here and there to get it taut and symmetrical.

“There, now you look just like your son!” You chuckled behind your hand, looking at how adorably ridiculous your boyfriend looked.

He smirked as much as could beneath the mask, “Yeah where do you think he got his good looks from?”

You rolled your eyes and gently smacked his arm but there was no malice behind either action, “At least Jerry has humility.”

He gazed up at you with a small, sweet smile painted on his lips and love coating the soft curves of his features. “Yeah, that he got from you.” He said casually, like it rolled off his tongue without even thinking twice about it.

Your heart swelled so big in your chest that it was threatening to breach your ribcage. Nicholas had Jerry long before you entered the picture but since getting together a little over a year ago, Jerry had become your biggest fan. Since day 1 he followed you around everywhere and if you were resting on any surface, he was there to claim you as his temporary bed. In your time together Nick had never once even joked about you being Jerry’s other fur-parent. It was a small frivolous thing, but you knew the weight it held. You didn’t know if he had just said it without realizing or if he truly meant it, but in your heart, you were choosing to believe the latter. Either way you opted out of making a big deal about it.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” You gasped at your own brain urgently reminding you of a crucial step. You nearly leapt off him and bolted to the kitchen. Within seconds the project at hand was executed and ready for placement.

You scurried back over to him, this time standing behind his seat on the couch. “Alright, close your eyes and tilt your head back.”

“You got it boss.” He teased and did as you asked. It made you wonder just how much he’d cooperate with taking other orders – but that was a daydream for a much different day. “Cucumbers?”

“Somethin’ like that.” You held back a giggle and placed two banana slices over each closed eyelid. “Okay, all done!”

His nose scrunched up towards the objects on his eyes, “Bananas?!”

You finally let out the laugh you’d been holding back and placed a kiss atop his head. “Now you got all your favorite stuff, cats and bananas!” You circled around his seat and climbed into his lap again.

“And you.” He smiled softly while his callused hands instinctively found your hips again.

Your cheeks heated up and your stomach filled with butterflies. No matter how silly he looked, he could always get you to melt in his hands. “Oh, shut up.”

“Remind me why we’re doing this again?” He asked.

Your grin faltered a bit at his question, and you paused to think about your answer. You let your hand fall gently just below his neck, sliding down slowly while your fingers softly laced beneath the silver chain of his necklace. You let the thorny pendant rest on your fingers as you admired it. As much as you hated the calm before the storm and selfishly despised the reason for it, you knew it’s what you signed up for and what brought him the most joy. Your thumb ran over the thorny crown, grateful for the amount of time you’d been able to spend with him during this break. This was maybe your 3rd or 4th run at him leaving for tour and while you could tell that it was getting easier, it was extremely slow progress. It seemed as though each time felt like the first time all over again. Your eyes fluttered closed in a feeble attempt to tame the burning in your eyes and the tears threatening to appear. You took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in your throat knowing that letting him see you like that would not only ruin the moment but make him feel guiltier than he already did, which was exactly the opposite of what the activity meant to accomplish.

“Baby?” He pressed after you’d gone silent for a bit.

You cleared your throat and blinked the tears away, forcing a smile onto your face so that it could be heard in your words. “Sorry love,” You wrapped your hand around the pendant just hard enough that the thorns stabbed into your palm, perhaps hoping that the pain could force the ache away, or maybe in hopes that if you stamped yourself hard enough with him, he could always stay with you. “Just got distracted. What did you ask?”

“I asked why we’re doing this? I feel really silly right now.” He laughed, though a little less bright than before. You hoped that he hadn’t picked up on your energy shift.

“Oh, um,” You looked down and released the hold on his necklace, letting your palms rest on his chest. “Just wanted to pamper you a little, before you have to go work so hard.” You tried your best to keep your voice light, but the sadness in your voice was unmistakable, at least to Nicholas.

His smile fell into a small frown, and it made you wish you had just lied, but you were never much of a good liar, especially not to him. He reached up pulling the banana slices off his eyes and placing them on a paper towel on the table. Somehow, he looked even goofier with the bananas off his eyes.

You suddenly felt flushed under his gaze – regardless of the cat mask still adorning his face. It was unclear whether it was the normal affect he had on you that was making you blush, or rather the vulnerability he’d caught you in.

“Baby,” He let out a sad sigh, “Is that what this is about?” His hands moved up to envelope your hips again, rubbing small comforting circles into the flesh beneath your shirt.

You shook your head vehemently, “No, no, I’m just tryin’ to spoil you honey, you deserve it.” You tried for a smile but couldn’t quite reach.

It was clear in his eyes that he wasn’t buying it. “Oh, let me get this cursed thing off of me.” He said, his hands already going to peel up the edges of the sheet mask but failing miserably.

A grin did pull at your lips watching him struggle and decided to take over. “Here, let me do it.” You laughed, gently swatting his hands away and pulling it off yourself and setting it on the table next to the forgotten bananas. “For someone who’s so good with his fingers, that sure was hard for you, huh?” You teased, attempting to deflect from the seriousness you’d just caused. All you wanted to do was go back to the soft, happy bubble you’d created before.

His inked hand trailed up your body to cup your cheek. “I’m gonna miss you so much, you know that right?”

You rolled your eyes trying your best to hold up your strong exterior, “Yeah, yeah, whatever, we don’t have to do this. We don’t have to talk about it, okay?” It took every bit of energy you had to yank each edge of your lips into a smile.

“Hey, don’t do that.” He frowned. “Maybe I wanna talk about it?”

“But you dooon’t though.” You whined, pressing on his chest slightly. “We were having a good time and I ruined it.” You whispered. Your eyes fluttered down to where your hands met his abdomen, faintly crinkling his faded Slipknot shirt between your fingers.

“Hey.” His hand found your chin and tilted it back up to face him once more. “I’ll be back before you know it.” He reassured the obvious.

“I know.” You mumbled and found your eyes dropping once again, not bearing the strength to look at him for too long. “I know what I signed up for. I know that it’s part of loving you.” Your hand rediscovered his necklace, flipping it between your fingers for comfort.

“Just because it’s part of the deal, doesn’t mean it’s not hard, y/n.” His voice was more firm that time, trying to cement the severity of his words.

“I know.” You groaned, frustrated that he wouldn’t just drop it.

He sighed, “I’m just saying it’s okay to be upset about it. And it’s okay to talk to me about it.” His thumb grazed over your cheekbone, enticing you to look at him. “We’re a team, remember?”

You released a long exhale finally relaxing a bit under his touch. “I know, Nicky, I know. I just didn’t want you to feel guilty and,” Your hand went up to wrap around his wrist and your eyes darted somewhere far away from him. “I didn’t want you to think that I can’t handle it.” Before he could respond your fingers gripped his wrist harder and the burning in your eyes returned. “I can handle it, I can.”

The crack in your voice didn’t go unnoticed by the male and all he wanted to do was scoop you up in his arms, but he knew better than to smother you when you were that emotional. “I know you can baby.” He said gently, using his thumb to wipe away a tear that was on the verge of escape. “I never questioned that. And if I ever do, then we’ll work through it,” He gently tapped the side of his thumb on your cheek to bring your attention back to him. “Together. Okay?”

You nodded against his palm, nuzzling into his touch. “Together.”

“That’s my girl.” ��He smiled and pulled you down into a sweet kiss.

You pressed your forehead against his gazing into his eyes, tonight they were particularly grey. “You’re too good to me.” You said so quietly that if he wasn’t nose-to-nose to you, he wouldn’t have heard it.

He shook his head as much as he could without disturbing the moment, “No, I’m not good enough.”

“That’s not tr-“ You began but were quickly interrupted by his lips on yours again.

“Ah, ah.” He hummed once he pulled away, “I won’t be taking any back talk.”

Your cheeks burned bright cherry red that time, no amount of makeup could conceal it. Even though his words were light, you knew he wasn’t joking. Nicholas was an expert at imbedding dominance in featherlight touches and sweet nothings.

“Yes sir.” You replied instinctively.

The energy spiraled between you two had shifted from silly to emotional, to something entirely different now. His hands trailed up your sides beneath your shirt to rest both on your lower back.

“C’mon, you took such good care of me, now it’s your turn.” Without giving you any warning he scooped you up. You squeaked at the sudden action but instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck.

“Where are you taking meeee.”

“Well, we’re having a spa day, aren’t we? What’s a spa day without a bubble bath?”

You melted into him, loving the idea of a warm bath accompanied by him.

Nick began drawing the bath making sure to add all your favorite additives as you stood patiently waiting instruction. Once he was satisfied with the way the tub was filling, he sat on the edge and beckoned you over. “Come here angel.”

Your cheeks flushed with warmth at the name, taking a couple steps to stand between his legs. He began tenderly undressing you until you were completely bare in front of him.

He wasn’t shy with the way his eyes wandered down your body. “God you’re beautiful.” His words riding an infatuated exhale.

The strawberry pink already present on your cheeks only worsened. “Shush.” You wave off his compliment and used your arm to cover your chest.

He stood and took your chin between his index and thumb tilting your gaze up at him. “I won’t ever stop reminding you of how stunning you are.”

You shook your head out of his grasp. “Shut up Nicholas.” You said shyly.

He took your cheek in his grasp instead this time, getting more control of you. “What’s wrong baby? Am I getting you all flustered?”

You were sure your face was beet red now. “C’mon Nicky, stop messin’ around, the bath is getting cold.”

A satisfied smirk tugged one edge of his lips, finding amusement and pride in your blatant embarrassment. “As you wish princess.” He began to undress himself until he was matching your nude attire.

Your eyes did the same as his did earlier and raked down his body, lean and inked on almost every bit of him. You’d been with him for over a year and you still managed to find new tattoos on him that you’d never seen before. His body was a spectacular and endlessly interesting museum only you had the key to.

He didn’t wait for you and stepped over the porcelain into the large oval tub, letting his body sink down into the steaming water. Almost instantly your exquisite museum was engulfed in mountains of bubbles. “Well, you comin’? You were the one complaining about water ‘getting cold’.” He teased.

You rolled your eyes and cautiously dipped your toe into the water. You hissed and recoiled at the scalding temperature. “Fuck that’s hot.”

Nicholas chuckled at your reaction, “Still think it’s getting cold?”

“Shut up.” You mutter.

“Just take it slow baby, let your body get acclimated to the water.” He sounded patient but his eyes didn’t match – the longer you were under his gaze, the more you felt like an animal of prey being stalked.

After a bit of time getting your lower body get used to the water you were finally able to sink down between his legs and rest your back against his chest. A small sigh of relief left your lips at the feeling of soothing comfort with him. No matter the problem or hindrance, Nick always made everything okay. He made you feel safe and taken care of in a way you’d never felt before. Getting that feeling from a rockstar who’s constantly touring wasn’t something you ever imagined possible, but somehow, it was with him. It took a while for him to earn your trust, especially at the very beginning, the first time he toured just a month or two after making things official. But he made sure to prove his faithfulness in a multitude of ways – from sharing his location to sending pictures and videos frequently to even sending you flowers or other small gifts to let you know he was thinking of you. Life with Nicholas wasn’t perfect, but it was a dream.

His fingers first found your shoulders, digging his thumbs into the wound-up tense muscles at the base of your neck.

“Mmm.” You hummed at the sensation and leaned further back against him. “That feels so good baby.”

“Yeah?” He asked, kissing the side of your head.

“Mhm.” Your eyes fluttered shut as you sank a little further into the water.

He spent some time working through the knots in your neck and shoulders. Wherever he pressed his fingertips felt like he was releasing a world of tension.

“That’s it, just relax.” His hands drifted down past your shoulders and onto your sides, using his thumb to rub circles into the muscles of your back - as best he could in your position anyway.

As his hands trailed lower you felt a flutter fill your tummy and settle in your core. You didn’t even realize you were squirming until his hands found and gripped your hips hard. “Stay still.” He ordered quietly just below your ear.

A shiver ran through you at his gravelly voice stealing the air in your throat. You did as he said, as much as you could, and hoped it’d be good enough for him. His fingertips lowered, beginning to run up and down the curves of your hip bones. The close proximity of his fingers to your core was starting to make you dizzy. You sucked in a harsh breath when his hands traveled further down to massage your thighs. His fingers were diligent and determined with their placement and tempo, using his thumb to rub tight circles into the flesh of your upper inner thigh. There’s no way he couldn’t feel you nearly vibrating under his touch, and you had to restrain yourself from grabbing his hand to put him where you needed him the most.

You felt his lips curl into a sinister smile against your neck. “What’s wrong princess?” He asked condescendingly. “Am I not helping you relax?”

“No, no. You are.” You almost stutter out, trying to sound as confident as possible.

“Hm.” He hummed, gliding his fingers up the inner side of your thigh. “I wonder… what you do when you get all wound up like this when I’m away?” There was an edge to his question that erased any indication of genuine curiosity.

Your eyes widened at the question and your mind went fuzzy blank. “Well…I…um.” Was all you could get out, pathetically.

“Oh, c’mon baby.” He lowered himself to just below your ear. “Use your words for me. Tell me what you do.”

Your heart felt like it was colliding against your ribcage incessantly while simultaneously pooling your rampant pulse in your clit. “I-I,” You took a breath in a feeble attempt to steady your breathing. “I touch myself.” You blurted out, knowing it was both the truth and what he wanted to hear.

You didn’t need to look at him to know how wide and proud his smirk was.

“Good girl.” He hummed. “Why don’t you show me where you do that?”

Your eyes widened once again, this time swallowing all the saliva available in your mouth. Hesitantly, you reached out beneath the water and took hold of his wrist, bringing it between your legs. “Here.”

He used his hand to slowly cover and cup your core before carefully running his fingers through you. You wanted to whine at the small sensation but knew how pathetic you’d sound. “Thank you for showing me baby.” He acknowledged your obedience. “But I want you to show me exactly what you do.”

You’d show him anything at that point to keep his fingers on you, so you nodded and covered his hand with your own. You guided him to your clit that was buzzing and begging for his attention. Your middle and ring fingers pressed into his and prompted them to start moving in circular motions.

“Mmm.” He pressed a kiss to your neck before nipping at the skin like a predator taste-tasting his meal. “That feels good doesn’t it?”

Your head lulled itself on his shoulder, already getting lost in the pleasure blooming at his fingertips. “Mhm.” You mumbled with drooping eyelids.

He took control of the movements almost instantly, starting a display of one of his many talents. He let you savor his actions for a bit, knowing that the further gone you were, the more pliable you’d be in his hands. “Is this all you do baby? Or is there somewhere else you touch?” He asked already knowing the answer, just wanting you to say it.

His plan worked, as it always did, and you were nothing but an obedient ragdoll for him now. Every cell in your body wanted to bend to him – he had magic in his touch, you were completely certain of it.

Without any verbal response you just guided his working hand down to your entrance. That’s all the convincing he needed and carefully slipped two fingers into you. He let out a small, low groan the feeling of how tight you were around his fingers. You could feel his already hardening cock throb against your lower back. The sensation of his member against your skin while he was using his fingers to fuck you was bittersweet because now all you wanted was his cock filling you up instead.

“God you’re so fucking tight.” He nearly growled against your throat. “I’m gonna miss burying myself in your pretty cunt.”

You felt like you could disintegrate into thin air from how good you felt – yeah, his fingers working magic was one thing, but his words melted you completely. Being complimented and wanted, no – needed – by him was a high that no orgasm could ever touch.

“I need your cock, Nicky please.” You whined without caring how desperate you sounded. “Please, I need you.”

“Oh bunny, you know better than to rush me.” He tsked before moving to do something you didn’t expect. He kept his one hand fucking his fingers in and out of you rhythmically while curling in ever so slightly but brought the other back down on your throbbing clit.

A gasp left your mouth as he effortlessly used both hands to fuck you in the most delicious way. You had already been close just from his fingers curling right into your sensitive spot but now with his fingers rolling against your nub you were seconds from oblivion.

“Fuck.” You spat out urgently. “Fuck, fuck, I’m close – s-so fucking close.” You whimpered out, squeezing your eyes closed trying to keep from coming undone before you were allowed. “Fuck baby, please let me cum. Please can I cum?”

All he did was hum an “mhm” against your neck before you were seeing stars. Tingles seared across your body and your walls pulsed around his fingers.

“That’s it, cum all over my fingers like the good girl you are.”

The praise only intensified the orgasm, causing your back to arch from him. Your face lulled into the crevice of his neck letting him vividly hear all the noises you were making for him. Nick loved your noises as much as you loved his words – he made a mental note to record you next time so he could have something on the road. He could get off on the sound of you alone.

He gently pulled his fingers from you and slowly tapered his action on your clit, but not completely. He retained an agonizingly slow pace on your now overly sensitive nub. He kept the pace slow enough so it wouldn’t be uncomfortable for long until you started to feel good again.

You felt him reaching beside you for something but were too fucked out to pay attention. “Tell me baby, have you ever used this to help relax?” His voice was buttery smooth like blue suede.

Your brows furrowed above your closed eyelids, wondering what he was referencing. When you blinked your eyes open, they rounded to see him holding the detachable showerhead and was suddenly grateful for the extra-long cord you’d opted for. You shook your head and answered honestly. “No.” You’d always been curious but never actually tried.

Nicholas was an expert at knowing when you were lying so he believed you. “Here.” He tenderly scooped up your hand, cupping it in his own like a spoon. With a flick of his other thumb on the showerhead, a crazed stream of patterned water jutted from it. He brought it to the hand he was holding and let the stream hit your palm. “Is that too strong?” He questioned genuinely wanting to know your comfort level.

As much as the strength of the water inspired some more flurries in your core, you nodded shyly. “Too strong.” It was typical for your responses to become minimal once you entered any level of subspace. Having that amount of trust to even fall into that headspace was a luxury you only ever found with Nick. Trusting him was easier than you’d like to admit, it came as naturally as breathing air into your lungs.

“Okay.” His thumb spun the filter onto another setting. “How about this one?” He questioned even though he figured it would be a no since it was thin streams of water lining an empty tunnel.

That one made you giggle and shake your head since it obviously wouldn’t provide much pressure. Nick smiled at your adorable giggle, filling his chest with so much warmth and love, he had no idea what to do with it all. He pressed a kiss to your head before flipping to another setting.

A perfectly tempered stream danced in your palm – not too strong, not too weak, and the jet pattern was an enticing rhythm. You bit down on your bottom lip and nodded. “Good.”

Nick’s free hand found your tummy, pressing it flat against your stomach and slid down painfully slow between your legs. Your breath caught in your throat at the anticipation of his touch. He tenderly spread your legs further apart before using his fingers to spread your lips apart, baring you open so that the jet stream of water could land precisely where it was needed.

“Now sweetheart,” He began. “You were so good for me. You did as I asked, you used your words, you asked for permission.” He lowered the shower head into the water, and you felt the jet stream hit your thigh. It was stronger than you expected and suddenly both fear and excitement pooled in your core. “I want you to know that this is a reward. This is what good girls get. Do you understand?”

Your cheeks grew warm, and your breath hitched in your throat at his words. Before you had time to properly prepare, the strong pressure of the stream pummeled into your sensitive nub. You let out a loud squeak as intense pleasure coarsed your body and down your limbs.

“Baby. I asked you a question. Do you understand that I’m allowing you to feel this good? That this is a privilege?”

Your hands gripped his thighs at each side of you and nodded your head enthusiastically, “Yes sir, I do.” You barely got your words out past your heavy breathing.

He smiled against your neck, “That’s my girl. My best girl. Now what do you say?”

Your heart flooded with lovey pride and your brain filled with nothing but him. He encompassed your very being, every cell of your composition belonged to him. “Thank you.” Your head fell back on his shoulder as he brought the shower head closer to your cunt, only intensifying the pressure. “Thank you, thank you.” You repeated like a prayer.

“God, I can’t wait to fill that pretty pussy up with my cock.” The end of his words resembled something like a growl.

His evident need for you went straight to your stomach, helping to weave a knot that was ready to snap. You were surprised you’d lasted this long since this was easily one of the best feeling you’d ever felt. Knowing that something as convenient as a shower head held so much power was dangerous, especially now that you associated it directly with him.

The jet propulsion on your clit was deliciously brutal, each wave hitting you harder than the last as your sensitivity increased. Your legs began to tremble from the sheer amount of pleasure building up in your body begging for release. “Nicky.” You heaved out while your fingers dug into his thighs. “I can’t hold it, please.” Your request drenched in utter desperation. “Please let me cum, I need to cum baby please.”

Nicholas hummed at the request, mulling it over in his head. If this were any other day, under any other circumstances, he’d string out your orgasm as far as he wanted, but it was a day of relaxation after all.

“Go ahead,” He whispered, bringing the shower head just a tiny bit closer to nudge you over the edge. “Cum for me, will you? And don’t fight it okay? I wanna hear you.”

And with that, another orgasm blinded you, this one ripping through you more violently than the last. Your entire body was in sparking, euphoric bliss. Curses, screams and moans poured from your throat, all laced with his name.

“Oh, that’s it princess, let it all out for me.”

And you did just that. He kept the stream on your bud through your high and somewhere between his grainy voice talking you through and your overstimulation, another wave of pleasure washed over you. Your throat grew sore from your incessant noises that now probably sounded like gibberish sprinkled with his name.

He slowly drew the metal shower head away from your core to carefully lull you from your high. You were nothing but a heaving, shakey, fucked out mess in his grasp.

“Good job baby.” He pressed a kiss to the side of your head. “You did so good for me.”

A lazy smile spread across your lips and nodded slightly. His warmth was the only thing tethering you to reality.

He let you recover from your orgasms before moving on. His hands found your hips once more and pressed you against him. You felt his own arousal thick and hard against your lower back and it reminded you of the ache between your legs that only he could fill.

“You wanna turn around for me baby?”

While you felt like utter mush in his hands, his offer sparked the potential of having him inside you, and that was something you didn’t plan to pass up on. You nodded and shifted around in the water, letting the liquid slosh around tub even spilling out a bit unintentionally. “Oops.” You giggled.

“Hi angel.” He says softly with a crooked smile painted across his lips the second his eyes meet yours. Sure, he held the reigns in the bedroom and most other areas of your relationship, but it was no secret that you were the one with complete control over him. You made him weak in ways he never imagined being, he would give you anything you wanted if you just batted your lashes at him. He was putty in your hands, and he loved it.

He looked so beautiful, and you suddenly felt scammed knowing that you had your back to him looking like that the whole time. His raven hair had fallen from the makeshift bun from the couch and was now splayed over his shoulders, the ends now damp and pointy. You couldn’t wait one more second without his lips on yours, so you scooped up his face in both hands and met his lips with yours. You broke the kiss to press your forehead against his, wanting to engulf yourself fully in his stormy eyes. “I love you.” You whispered.

“I love you too.” He replied matching your whisper. His hands found your hips again, pulling you towards him – not out of desire to intensify the moment, but simply to have you closer. “God, I love you more than anything.”

Peachy pink dusted your cheeks and the smile that his words brought to your lips was embarrassingly wide. You shied away from him and shook your head, “You’re being silly.” Out of all the grand things in his life, you were sure that you were the least exciting or interesting part.

His hand trailed warm water up your arm to pick up your chin, “I’d never joke about that.” His thumb grazed over your cheekbone, cupping your cheek. “I’m so grateful for the patience you’ve given me, given us. You might be the best thing to ever stumble into my life.”

Every atom in your body begged to mesh with him. It only took one exchanged look between you two for your bodies to rearrange so you could sit on his lap. Your lips collided, followed by a messy display of clashing teeth and hungry tongues. Your passion was fueled only by the blind love you had for him and your desire to prove that his love for you was warranted. Your fingers tangled into the base of his dark hair, tugging at it slightly needing every bit of him entwined with your very molecules. He kept one hand on your hip while the other held tangled in your own wet hair.

As much as you wanted to keep telling him how much you loved him, you couldn’t bear to break away from him even for a second. If you couldn’t tell him, you’d show him.

You rutted your hips up his thighs until you felt the base of his member rest against your bare cunt. He let a groan out into the kiss at the feeling of you against him. One of your hands fell from his hair to his length, your fingers instinctually molded around the silky soft flesh. It never ceased to impress you at just how big he was and no matter how many times you’d had him it never eased the ache of taking him.

His sizeable cock was decorated with bulging veins from the blood that coursed through him. Even though your fingers had grown to be expertly familiar with his anatomy, you still loved exploring him, tracing each vein with your fingertips. This earned you another grunt from somewhere deep in his chest and you pridefully smiled against the kiss.

You finally gave him what you knew he wanted, wrapping a hand around this girth and began palming him slowly. His member had a delicious upward curve to it that helped to reach the deepest and most sensitive part of you. Your mouth was watering at just the feeling of him in your hand – in that moment you could’ve sworn that you would do absolutely anything to have it inside you. It was not a want, but a carnal need.

He finally had enough and pulled from the kiss, “Baby, please.” He breathed out against your lips, his love drunk eyes heavy with lust as he looked up at you. “I need your pussy.” His chest rose and fell in time with yours, needing you just as badly as you needed him.

You nodded quickly against him before lifting yourself up enough to hover over him. Regardless of how much you wanted it, you still had to mentally prepare yourself for the initial pain. Nick helped align himself with your entrance while keeping a supportive hand on your hip bone. You exhaled a deep breath.

Sensing your hesitation, he gave your hip a small squeeze, “You can take it baby, just go nice and slow. We have all the time in the world.” He reassured you, letting you set the pace.

You nodded and carefully began to sink down on him. A hiss escaped your mouth at the way his width stretched you open. Your hand fell to his shoulder for support as you struggled to pull yourself further down.

Nicholas’ eyes couldn’t soak you up enough, he was mesmerized at the sight of you. He wished he could burn it into his brain. “God, you look so fucking pretty taking my cock.”

His compliment only made you more determined to push past the pain and discomfort. When you felt your cervix land on his tip you knew that was as far as you could take him. While you couldn’t reach his base fully, you were still surprised and proud of yourself for being able to take so much of him in that position.

He let out a low groan at the feeling of your cunt tightly enveloping his cock. “You feel so fucking good.”

You expelled a breath then swirled your hips with him still deep inside you. The goal was to adjust to his size before riding him. The stretch burned but you knew it’d sweeten once you started moving.

The way he gazed up at you made you weak and your body gave into him, falling into the crook of his neck. You began placing open mouth kisses on his tattooed throat while your hips started swiveling on him. Light, airy moans tumbled from you lips and onto his neck. His hands gripped your hips tighter, letting out a grunt from somewhere deep in his chest.

“Fuck,” He groaned, letting his head fall back into the ledge of the tub. “I need you to move baby, I need more.”

You nodded quickly, needing it just as badly. Your hands slipped off him to stabilize yourself on the porcelain ledge. It gave you enough balance to raise your hips up almost fully, before dropping them where he filled you the fullest.

“That’s it, you’re doing so good.” He groaned out, his eyes droopy and drunken by only his love for you.

The praise helped motivate you to keep going even though the stretch burned. But you got to control the pace and the depth you could handle – although part of you wished he did have control so that he would forego any hindrances and use you up fully.

You gained momentum on him, bouncing up and down on his cock. Water splashed everywhere, over the ledge and all over the floor but that was the furthest thing on your mind. The room was filled with moans, grunts and cursed from both of you. You felt the knot beginning to form in your tummy as did he. But his surprises weren’t done yet.

He reached over to where he’d placed the shower head, easily flipping it on to the previous setting. Your eyes rounded as he began to lower it towards the water and you shook your head vigorously. “No, no, no.” You cried. “I won’t last, please, no.”

His other hand drifted down your spine with a feather light touch. “Well, that’s the point sweetheart.” He hummed. “Don’t you wanna cum again for me baby?” He questioned patronizingly. You knew that tone and you knew it meant it wouldn’t be as easy as he was eluding.

He continued his actions and aimed the powerful stream of water directly at your clit. A jolt of pure electricity zipped up your spine and down your thighs. Your entire body shuddered at the sudden and intense sensation. Your fingertips curled into his skin, surely branding claw marks into his flesh. “God, fuck.” You exclaimed loudly, barely able to move.

“Now, baby, remember that cumming is a privilege remember? I could very well leave you all worked up with your pretty pussy clenching around nothing if you misbehave.” He warned. “Do you understand?”

You nodded quickly, slipping your tongue between your lips. But that of course wasn’t enough for him.

His hand tightened on your hip and brought the shower head a bit closer to heighten the sensation. “I believe I asked you a question darling.” His voice deep and raspier than normal. “Do you understand? You know I need to hear it.”

“Yes,” You shuddered out. “Yes, sir. I understand.” You couldn’t seem to catch your breath, the air in your lungs completely vacant. Your heart thumped so hard against your ribcage you thought it might shatter and burst in front of him and splinter his own chest.

“Good girl.” He praised. “Now, I don’t remember telling you that you could stop moving.”

You whined in near agony, squeezing your eyes shut and slowly beginning your movements again. “Fuck.” You lulled your head back, buzzing pleasure spreading through every bit of you.

“Faster.” He commanded. “Or I’m gonna make this very unpleasant for you.”

His sweetness was long gone and replaced by the Nick you had grown very familiar with. You’d never guess by his normal relaxed and reserved demeanor that he’d have this overwhelming dominance in bed, but you loved it. It was as though something in him would take over, like he’d try to fight it to stay sweet and romantic, but it rarely lost the fight. It was thrilling to watch his internal battle; you’d seen it so often that you had memorized the shift in his eyes and subtle change in his cadence.

You rarely chose to challenge his threats and today was no different, So, you began lifting and dropping your hips against his lap, taking in fully – or as much as you could anyway. His free hand slithered up your side to cup your breast, kneading the plump flesh in his grasp. His stare couldn’t seem to stay on any solid one part of you, darting from your tits bouncing as you moved, to your face contorting with the overwhelming pleasures you were experiencing, to down where you were connecting with him. He looked at you the way people look at monuments or ancient architecture. He didn’t care about a single other wonder in the world because he was convinced you were the only one in existence. You were an art museum to him, every single installation he could study for hours and never grow bored of your beauty and the delicate nature of your soul. He was utterly infatuated with and devoted to you.

It became difficult to continue riding him without getting sloppy from another orgasm building quickly in your stomach. Your clit was buzzing and threatening to tip you over the edge at any moment. The way he filled you up only made it worse – being full of him made the time without him even more empty. You’d never had someone fill you up so much, he made it hard to even clench around him. It was an incredible experience and one that would make having anyone else subpar. He had set the bar so high that it made it impossible for anyone else to measure up to him. If he ever decided he’d had enough of you, you’d spend the rest of your days seeking bits of him in anyone you ever let touch you. He’d certainly haunt you worse than phantom ever could.

Thankfully, from the way his cock throbbed and bounced inside you, told you that he was getting close too. Your heart thumped so hard in your throat that you questioned if you’d even be able to speak.

“I-I’m close.” You whimpered out. “Can I cum?”

He tsked at the request. “Now baby, I taught you better that. You’re forgetting my favorite word. Try again.”

Your palms dug into his chest at his rebuttal. “Fuck.” You closed your eyes attempting to stave off your orgasm. “Fuck, please.” You begged. “God, fuck, please, I need to cum. Please can I cum?”

“Hm.” He feigned a thought. “No, not yet. Hold it.”

You shook your head vigorously, “No, no, no, please I can’t. I won’t make it, I’m so close. I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop it.”

“You can and you will.” He said simply. “And if you don’t, you don’t wanna know how much you’ll regret it.”

His face was serious, but you could tell that the excitement was growing in his belly too. You swore that he thrived over your desperation, he loved seeing you squirm and bringing to the edge of your limits. It was sadistic the way he was fueled by your anguish. You don’t know if you’d ever admit it, but you enjoyed being commanded and used like a plaything. Being at his mercy was a thrill you loved chasing, especially knowing he’d always catch you.

You scrunched your eyes closed and bore down on your teeth holding on to the tattered thread left holding you on to your sanity. “Fuck.” You breathed out. It was almost painful how your sensitive nub throbbed beneath the powerful stream of water and how tight the knot in your tummy had grown. His tip assaulting your cervix intensified everything and overbearing pleasure was looming merely seconds way from shattering your resolve. “Fuck, fuck.” You whined. “Fuck, please, please let me cum, I need it so bad. Please I don’t want to disobey you but I’m so close, I need to cum, please – fuck, I can’t hold it, fuck fuck, please can I cum?” Your pathetic groveling was a pitiful display, but it was one that Nicholas could barely handle himself. He could get off from the hymns of your desperation alone.

“Fuck I love when you sound like that.” He groaned. “Fine baby, cum all over my fucking cock.” If he hadn’t been so close himself, he surely would’ve stretched out the torture.

As if you needed anymore help, he brought the shower head even closer. The heightened sensation instantly blinded you, causing your entire body shudder as sparking euphoria bloomed from your core. This orgasm was more powerful than the others due to the delayed pleasure and his length hitting your sensitive spot directly. The moans and curses that left your mouth were vulgar and smeared with the unholy devotion you had for him. Every cell in your body belonged to him just as he demanded it.

Your walls tightly clenching around him was his tipping point. “God, you look so fucking good with my cock so deep inside you.” He growled, gripping your hip hard enough to leave bruises behind. “Fuck baby you’re gonna make me cum.”

You were too lost in your own bliss to really hear what he said until you felt his length twitch inside you followed by his warm seed filling your core. If you weren’t so overspent, the feeling alone could’ve sent you into another orgasm – but seeing as you were still working through your own, you weren’t that concerned about it.

As you both came floating down from your highs, he flipped off the shower head and set it to the side ledge. You had fallen on his chest while your heaving chests rose and fell in time with each other’s. His fingertips raked through the slightly damp hair of your scalp. You purred and smiled at the affection gesture.

He grinned at the reaction, “I love you.” His buttery words fell from his lips in a tone just above a whisper.

Nick would never admit it, but he was extremely talented at almost anything he ever picked up. If he gave it a good honest try, it wouldn’t take long for it to become second nature. He never imagined that there would be anything in the world that would come easier than a graphite pencil or tattoo gun or almost any instrument he picked up. He knew his tattoo gun and his favorite guitar like the back of his hand and while he’d never fully believe it, he already knew you that way too. As with everything else, just because he was a master-of-all didn’t mean there were never any bumps or challenges or hardships – pencils snap, tattoo guns malfunction, and sometimes strings don’t want to tune just how you want them - above all else, Nicholas knew that the most. He knew the best things in life were never easy, but that never stopped him before and it certainly wasn’t going to stop him now.

“I love you too.” You muttered sleepily into the crook of his neck.

The satisfaction of inking a particularly difficult design or mastering a challenging new riff could never compare to the feeling he got from hearing you say those words.

“C’mon, let’s get you dry and warm.” He gently patted your hip and you nodded, using every bit of strength in your body to sit yourself upright.

Nicholas was incredible in his element. It’s one thing to be able to take control sexually, but it’s a whole other thing to be able take gentle control outside of that – and he did, effortlessly. He carefully pulled you off him and got you standing on your feet. He only allowed the air conditioning to dance on your skin for a millisecond before he wrapped a big fluffy towel around you. You tugged the terrycloth fabric so tight against your skin that you were sure you’d have imprints of the threads embedding into your skin. When you lifted your leg over the porcelain, you felt the familiar ache between your thighs that always came from loving him. It wasn’t the worst you’d felt, since you had set the pace, but the water supplied no lubrication, and you were definitely feeling the repercussions.

Nick wrapped a towel around his waist and unplugged the bath drain. When he finally made his way back over to you. When you were both barefoot it really emphasized just how much he actually towered over you. The water droplets glistening across his tan, inked skin made him look like a work of art. Your eyes traced his collarbones and landed on the thorny pendent you were fidgeting with before.

“Oh yeah, before I forget.” You didn’t realize what he was doing until he pulled the necklace from neck and gently draped it over your head. It landed way longer on your chest but it didn’t matter. Your fingers found the pendent and immediately rubbed it for comfort.

“I can’t take this.” You claimed, but the smile that had already made home on your face said otherwise.

He smiled and took your jaw into one hand and placed his other hand over yours covering the necklace. “I’ll always be with you now. If you miss me or get anxious just squeeze it, and I’ll be right there with you. Okay?”

Tears burned your eyes, but you were determined to keep it together, the last thing you wanted to do was cry in front of him naked and shivering. You nodded quickly, “Thank you.” You whispered, hiding a sniffle.

“You’re welcome baby.” He said and placed a quick kiss to your forehead.

He gently grasped your shoulders giving them a little rub to warm you up before guiding you back into the bedroom. The edges of his lips dipped into a frown the second he noticed your limping.

“Oh baby, did I hurt you? I knew we should’ve gotten out of the bath-” He always began to panic ramble if he thought he might’ve hurt you or not taken care of you properly.

You giggled at his worrisome nature and placed a finger over his lips. “It’s okay, really.” You reassured and watched his anxiety disappear. “But it does hurt.” Your lips pulled together in a pout. “Fix it?”

A small smile pulled across his lips and he nodded knowing exactly what that meant.

The time after with Nicholas somehow always felt more intimate. He was driven to love you the best way he knew how, and you relished in the safety he wrapped you in. No matter how rough he got in bed, afterwards he always handled you like a freshly plucked gardenia. He was convinced that if he even grabbed you the wrong way you’d crumble. But he loved it, he was sure that if he was put on this earth to do one thing, it was to take care of you.

After applying some numbing cream where you ached the most and getting you into some fresh pajamas, you were finally exactly where you wanted to be. You were tucked right into Nick’s side, cozy under the covers, sharing a pint of pistachio ice cream while watching reruns of your favorite mutual comfort show.

You looked up at him when he laughed at something silly in the show and the glow from the tv illuminated his features beautifully through the darkness. In that moment, he gave you every bit of reassurance you needed to handle him being gone. You were his and he was yours, and as long as you loved him, he’s always come home to you if you let him.

He glanced down at you, catching you in your admiring stare. The edges of his lips pulled taut into a wide, toothy smile.

“Bob’s Burgers is over there you know.” He teased, tilting his head across the room.

You giggled and burrowed your face into his chest. “You’re much more entertaining.”

He chuckled in disbelief, “Am I?”

“Mhm.” You hummed, getting sleepy the second your head touched his chest.

He laughed softly and precariously plucking the empty pint of pistachio from your dozing grasp to put on the bedside table. He pulled you closer to him and tugged the fluffy duvet higher to cover you both.

Before you let sleep envelope you, you felt his fingers tenderly massaging your scalp. “I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you too, Nicholas.” You hummed back lovingly, nuzzling into his chest.

Taglist; @neverknoah @lma1986 @baddestomens @deathblacksmoke @philomenie @blacksoul-27 @thcfountain

A/N; Thank you so much for reading, i hope you liked it, lmk if you did<3

[cybersugru]

❝ follow you ; nick ruffilo

𖥻 pairing: nick ruffilo x female reader

𖥻 contains: angst, comfort, fluff, +18 contents (mental health issues)

𖥻 warnings: inspired by bring me the horizon's "follow you". swearing but other than that mostly none, except for maybe the not-so-happy ending / english is not my first language (+ this is my first ever bo fic) so i am sorry if there are any grammar mistakes or misspellings.

word count — 1.7k

synopsis — healing isn't a linear process and despite your thoughts that tried to convince you otherwise, nick knew that and was willing to hold your hand throughout the whole thing as it was a way of him to try and heal some of his own wounds of guilt. he was willing to do anything for you, as long as he could be with you.

🎀

PERHAPS you should have chosen to be with someone else, someone who didn't have a public life that could directly affect your private one.

as the air began to feel more and more unattainable, and your hands started to intensify their grip on the light grey sheets beneath you, you could swear that something heavy had sat on top of your chest. the thoughts in your mind racing faster than they could be processed properly, the heat and sweat covering your body making it impossible to stay still on that bed and it wasn't until somebody grabbed your wrists while trying to immobilise your legs and calling out your name that you opened your eyes reluctantly, realising it was nothing but a nightmare.

"hey, hey, i's okay, it's me... it was only a bad dream, you're safe." nick's worry was obvious not only in his voice but also lingering on his blue eyes as he looked at you up and down. there were bags under them, as well, that didn't go unnoticed as it made you wonder if nick was already awake when the nightmare began. if that was the case, why was he awake this late? once he saw your breathing calming down, he let go of your wrists and your legs that he held onto whilst waking you, so you wouldn't hurt yourself with all the fighting you were putting up in your sleep.

"i'm sorry" you mumbled with a weak and confused voice before glancing to your side at the clock on the bedside table. it was 2:30 in the morning and you probably woke your neighbours up screaming. "you can go back to sleep, i'll go make myself some coffee."

brushing your fingers through your hair, after taking a deep breath, you decided to get up from the bed you two were supposed to share every night only to find his side of it untouched. nick hadn't gone to bed with you. still, despite the pang in your chest that came with the realisation, you said nothing about it and continued with your task to head downstairs towards the kitchen.

the bassist argued internally whether or not he should stop you from leaving or if he should respect your desire for space. seeing the person who brought light into his life like no one ever did before so low and lost in herself broke his heart in places he didn't even know was possible; even more so considering nick thought of himself as responsible for the pain eating you from the inside out. if he wasn't in your life, none of this would be happening and you'd be a thousand times happier than you were now with him. all the memories from before, of good times, were constantly being suffocated by the fog of the recent events that pushed your relationship to hang by a thread that thinned more each day.

nick watched as you left the room without uttering a single word. he untied his long dark hair and allowed it to cover his face much like a waterfall capable of momentarily hiding his anguish.

ignoring the guileful thoughts, he began his path to find you — caring for you was more important than anything else in his life at the moment, more important even than the band or his career, simply because without you he couldn't play like he knew he was capable of.

you sat by the kitchen counter, your back facing him but nick could tell you had your hands on each side of your face — just like you usually did when anxiety got the best of you. the smell of coffee invaded his senses and for a second he thought about pouring himself a cup for he knew he wouldn't sleep at all that night. or any night as long as this ghost stood between the two of you.

"talk to me, angel" the bassist's voice was cut out by one of your cats that meowed to get your attention while looking up at you from the ground until you pat your lap allowing him to sit on your lap. for a second, ruffilo smirked. "please. i'm worried about you."

hearing his call for you made you shift your focus from the furry thing on your lap to your boyfriend who now stood across from you with the counter between you. "what do you want me to say, nick? i mean this honestly: what exactly do you want me to say?"

you blinked away the few tears in your eyes as they connected with his blue eyes; once the kindest eyes you had ever seen in your life now carried a sense of sadness and somewhat of a heavy burden. "i just want to know how i can help you. seeing you like this- it's fucking killing me."

"you don't want to know what i am thinking right now. i'm trying to protect you and save this relationship."

"by pushing me away? how the fuck is pushing me away saving this relationship?" his voice wasn't loud and ruffilo most definitely wasn't yelling at you, instead, he was desperately trying to find an answer; ideally, one that excluded him from the guilt consuming him, even if he didn't know about that desire in him. "i don't want you to push me away, i want to be with you. whatever comes your way. you're the most important thing i have, angel."

"oh, really?" you chuckled and took a sip of your coffee. "didn't really seem like it when those things were happening and you didn't say anything to them."

as soon as those words left your mouth, you regretted them: that was too cruel of you to say but you said it anyway and couldn't take it back even if you tried. closing your eyes, you let out a deep sigh and shook your head. "i'm sorry, ruffi... i didn't mean it like that."

the musician looked to the side, poking his cheek with his tongue and staring at the landscape outside the kitchen window before turning his tired gaze back at you. he understood where you were coming from and for that reason, he couldn't be angry at you for lashing out, especially because you had been bottling everything up for the last six months — refusing to talk about your mental struggles to anybody, hoping it would all magically go away. it wasn't your best life choice, but you were scared to talk about what was happening and be judged. you were taking one blow after another and still tried your best to not take it on nick. one way or another, though, nick saw everything, he saw you wasting away with each nasty comment directed your way. and he hated himself for being the reason why that happened to you.

afraid that your emotions would upset your cat, you gave him a little kiss on top of his head and put him down on the floor.

"you're right." ruffilo nodded as the voice in his head cursed him in a thousand different ways. "it was- it is my fault. i should've been a better boyfriend, a better partner. you needed support and protection and i didn't give any of that to you when you needed most."

tears came back almost immediately to your eyes upon hearing his apology. you were frustrated, you weren't mad at him — a part of you also understood his side of things. still, you were hurt and with pain came anger. "i never wanted to drag you through this madness... you've always been so good to me. it's just that this is eating me alive, all those years in therapy improving my mental health just went down the drain."

as you let out a faint sarcastic laugh between the tears, nicholas went around the counter in a rush and so, quickly, he was standing right in front of you. with those gentle hands of his — despite the callouses on them from being a musician —, he cupped both your cheeks, wiping away your tears dry with his thumbs. the blue in his eyes carried more worry than ever.

"it is my fault, angel, i own my mistakes. they're fans of the band i'm in, it was my responsibility to make it clear i hated what they were doing to you, what they were saying and i didn't because i was fucking weak and i'm sorry that i wasn't the man you deserve." ruffilo admired your features as if you were a work of art handmade specifically for him. that devotion only made the guilt worse. you looked up at him with eyes glistening due to the remaining tears and his heart broke a bit more before he leaned towards you to place a soft kiss against your lips. "there's nothing you should feel sorry for... i would go to hell for you, my angel. i love you so much and i don't think i can be away from you. don't go, please"

touching and kissing you like george knightley did emma, the brunette man wanted nothing but to take away all the pain in you caused by the maniac fans of his that went lunatic once they discovered your relationship: what was so special about her? what was it about her that made nick ruffilo fall in love with someone so... bland? those were the kinds of questions that made them feel entitled to destroying your privacy, tearing your mental health apart and turning your love for nick into resentment for what your life had become since you moved in with him six months prior. on his end, ruffilo began to dislike doing the one thing he loved most other than tattooing and as much as he knew it was a very small part of his fans that created this mess, he couldn't help but distance himself from them as a whole. how couldn't he?

"i'm not going anywhere, ruffi" you whispered, brushing a strand of his dark hair that fell over his eye and tucking it behind his ear before caressing his cheeks like he had done to yours. "i just need time... i needed to know you wouldn't leave me alone dealing with this stuff."

he immediately shook his head and furrowed his thick brows. "woman, for christ's sake. i'd let my whole life burn before leaving you. i'll follow you wherever you go."

[kaliforniahigh]

I think sex w Ruffilo would be fun and giggly. He’d slide in and you’d yelp, “So big!” Bc he’s stretching you so good. He’d chuckle a little bit, thinking it’s so cute. He’d make sure you’re okay, give you some kisses, then start going to town.

And I think he’d be so amazed everytime; how tight you are, the way your tits bounce in his face, all the things you’d say. He’s just looking at you with stars in his eyes the entire time. You’d moan out his name, and his eyes would roll back in his head. “Ohhh darling…” he’d groan with a big delirious smile.

He can be such a loverboy when he wants. He swears he falls more in love with you everytime you let him fuck you.

He thinks the noises you make and the things you say are the hottest and most adorable things at the same time. And when you say his name in that breathless whimper of yours? He could die right there and be a happy man for eternity.

[foliosriot]

YOU’D BE BETTER OFF ON YOUR OWN ♱ PART ONE

nicholas ruffilo x reader

WARNINGS!!

talk of cheating (being cheated on). brief mentions of physical abuse and verbal abuse. overall just being in an abusive and toxic relationship. based on Dakota by Between You & Me.

AUTHOR’S NOTE!!

and please for the love of god i hope you know the bf referred to is NOT dakota sammons aka kooter of i see stars i seriously did not make the connection until it was too late and it’s literally just the title of the song okok anyways enjoy

masterlist. ybbooyo masterlist.

It happened.

You can not believe you let it happen in the first place. After so many incidents and so many apologies you thought you would be able to finally let it go once and for all.

But you know you’re just a punching bag, incapable of fighting back.

Long story short you caught Dakota cheating. Again. You think it may have been the same girl, but you aren’t completely certain. Before you were able to question your boyfriend about those highly inappropriate text messages when you saw them flash on his phone’s home screen, he was already shouting at you. He said such awful, nasty things that had tears gathering in your eyes. He had simply scoffed at the sight of you crying, then left your apartment.

You can only imagine where he stormed off to.

And you, not wanting to be alone with your thoughts for the rest of the night, called the one person who would drop whatever they were doing to come to your aid: your best friend since childhood, Nick.

Nick hadn’t hesitated to rush over to your place after you called him crying. If you remember correctly, you had only gotten a few words out before he was saying he’d be right over.

“N-Nicky. I-I need—“

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m on my way.”

He was walking through the front door not even five minutes later.

As soon as he entered your bedroom Nick was hurrying over to you where you were huddled into a ball on your bed. You had the covers pulled up over you, so you couldn’t see him, you only felt the mattress dip. Through the layers of blankets covering you, there was a light weight settling on your body. You instantly knew it was Nick’s hand.

After a few minutes of crying under your blankets and silently relishing in the faint feeling of Nick’s hand resting on you, you finally unraveled yourself from the ball you had contorted into. You push back the covers to see Nick looking at you worriedly. But the sight of him is a massive relief.

“Hey,” he says softly.

You sniffle. “Hi,” you say back in a broken voice.

You finally sit up and, tugging the blankets tightly around your body, shift to sit right beside Nick, who has his back pressed against the wall. Your head settles on his shoulder and you release one of your shaking hands to grab at his. He threads your fingers together wordlessly, his warm skin comforting.

Neither one of you speak. Nick knows you just need a shoulder to cry on at the moment, and you will be eternally thankful for him. He is always there for you whenever Dakota fucks with you and your relationship.

Nick is one of — if not the — best things that have ever happened to you. He has been one of the only constants in your life for as long as you can remember, and vice versa. The two of you have been inseparable for years. And then adding the rest of Bad Omens into the mix made your overall relationship strengthen and grow.

But no one was prepared for the hellish whirlwind that was Dakota, especially you. Dakota was sweet and charming and always made you laugh. During your high school years, on the days Nick wasn’t able to come and pick you up after school got out, Dakota was right there to give you a ride home (or to Nick’s house). He felt like a safety net you could fall back on whenever you needed it.

And after weeks and weeks of spending time with Dakota and really getting to know him, you had happily said yes when he asked you out.

It was no secret that Dakota didn’t like Nick or your friendship with him. He had been extremely vocal about his distaste regarding it more times than you can count, just in the first month of dating. Nick didn’t like Dakota either, but he was never actively aggressive or downright rude about it. He would rather you be happy than put either relationship of yours at risk, even when he knew Dakota has never deserved you.

Your relationship with Dakota deteriorated as the years went by. He became more and more hostile towards you and your friends, and you were subjected to his ill temper and red hot anger. You were hiding evidence of physical abuse nearly every week. Crying yourself to sleep almost every night. You hated how Dakota was making you feel, but you were scared of what would happen if you ever broke up with him. So you stayed with him, because you never wanted to find out what he was really capable of.

Nick was more than aware of what Dakota was doing to you. You never verbally told him; all he had to do was connect the dots between your constant fights with your boyfriend, how often you called him because you needed someone to talk to, and how you reacted to certain gestures he made.

Nick has always been observant. There was no need to even say anything about Dakota because he already knew. You know he would never tell you “I told you so”.

However, that hasn’t stopped him from warning you time and time again, hoping to steer your brain and heart away from Dakota and his toxicity. It nearly worked when you first caught Dakota cheating on you.

And you will forever beat yourself up over how suave and pitiful Dakota had been when he was apologizing. Saying how “she never meant anything to me”, “it was a stupid mistake”, “I love you”. You will never forgive yourself for accepting his half-assed apology and taking him back.

Taking him back time and time again.

As you remain huddled against Nick, those wretched memories keep spiraling through your head. You can feel the telltale burn of tears stinging at your eyes as you continue sitting in silence.

You squeeze your eyes shut until a fuzzy spattering of stars takes up your vision. Then you’re sitting up quicker than you had anticipated, thus becoming dizzy and attempting to blink away the sudden nausea.

Nick is watching you. You can feel his gaze boring into the side of your head as you manage to clear your eyes. With a hesitant look to the left, you see Nick is, indeed, watching you. His eyebrows are knit together with worry, his forehead creased with the strain.

“Sorry,” you mumble, reaching up to swipe at your nose. “I know I’m probably overreacting.”

“You’re not overreacting at all,” Nick tells you. A new wave of tears is now inching down your face at the softness of Nick’s voice. “You shouldn’t have to put up with this.”

You don’t bother to reply. You cry quietly, trying to feel any ounce of comfort in Nick’s presence. But it isn’t working anymore, because all you can think about is Dakota. How shitty Dakota is and how badly you want to leave him. But you can’t leave Dakota, you can’t! You know he loves you, you know he cherishes the time you’ve been together and all of the things you’ve experienced as a couple. He’s good. Dakota is good to you. You’ve just lost sight of that a bit.

“Your boyfriend fucking sucks, by the way.”

Nick’s sudden comment throws you off. You blink away a few tears as you look over at him, your mouth hanging open a fraction.

"What?" you ask dumbly.

“Dakota? Your boyfriend? He fucking sucks.”

“I-I don’t get it.”

Nick rolls his eyes, scooting closer to you from his position on the bed. He turns his gaze towards you, and his pale irises go from glowing with a spark of hate to something much lighter. His knees are right up against yours as he sticks his arm out in a silent way of asking you to take his hand. You hesitate, but then you're sliding your fingers between his until your palms are flush.

“I’ve lost count for just how many times he’s made you cry,” Nick says, his voice soft. “Your partner shouldn’t be the reason you cry, honeybee.”

Your breath hitches at the nickname. Nick hasn’t called you that in a quite a long time; a part of you thinks it’s because of Dakota. You’re shaking like a leaf as you continue listening to your best friend.

“I know I’ve said this before, but Dakota is fucking awful to you.” You nearly cringe at the pity that is heavily evident in his words. “He doesn’t deserve you. He never has. And I think it may finally be time to leave him. Be done with his yelling and anger and all the lies and cheating. He’s hurting you so fucking bad.”

You squeeze your eyes shut. “I can’t,” you whisper. “I can’t leave him, Nick.”

“Why not?” he asks. His thumb is lightly stroking your skin, a calming gesture in this moment of frustration.

“I—“ A weak sob escapes your throat. You force yourself to look back at Nick, and it pains you to see the sympathy mixed with fury swirling in his eyes. “I just can’t.”

“Yes, you can. If you’re afraid of how he’ll react or whatever, I am more than willing to be in the room. Or I can be a room away, or the guys and I can be in the vicinity if that would make you feel safer.”

Nick pauses. He scoots closer until there is only a few inches of space separating you.

“I can’t stand how Dakota treats you, honeybee,” Nick tells you in a near whisper. “He’s an asshole who doesn’t get to treat you like shit. You’re better off on your own.”

His words run a spike through your chest. But you know he’s right: you don’t deserve to be treated like shit by your own boyfriend. As much as you believe there’s still some semblance of good somewhere inside of Dakota, you know you shouldn’t have to sit around and wait for it. You deserve better.

You sniffle a couple times then wipe at your nose with your free hand. You meet Nick’s eyes, and you no longer see that tainted hatred; instead, you see a glimmering abundance of love and adoration reflected back at you.

And as you continue to just stare at Nick, your eyes darting all over his facial features — from the stubble that is growing along his jaw, to the few long strands of hair that are dangling in front of his face, even to his barely visible earlobes that are vacant of plugs — your heart seizes for a moment. You think you just be imagining the rosy tint to his cheeks or the apparent nervousness of his tongue darting out to wet his lips. But there is something in the way he’s looking at you. Something that drives that stake deeper and deeper into your soul.

You’re not sure what compels you to say it, but you hear yourself mumble an “Okay.”

At first you aren’t completely certain as to why you’re even saying it. But you need Nick to know what you’re thinking.

“I can’t stay with Dakota.” Your voice breaks at your boyfriend’s name. You swallow thickly. “I don’t want to stay with him anymore, Nicky.”

Nick gingerly cradles your face with his free hand. His touch is cool and soothing on your warm skin, and you can’t help but lean into it. You feel his breath on your chin when he speaks.

“Okay. Do you think you could do it by yourself?” he asks cautiously.

You shake your head. “No. Need you with me,” you say. “Please don’t let him hurt me.”

“I won’t. I’ll never let him hurt you again, honeybee.” Nick presses your foreheads together. “As long as I’m around no one will hurt you ever again, I promise.”

thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed! likes and reblogs are very much appreciated <3

♱ foliosriot 2023

[collapsedglasshouses]

PLEASE SHUT UP || Nick Ruffilo x fem!Reader [Part One]

DIVIDER ART WORK BY @saradika-graphics

PICTURE FOUND ON PINTEREST

REQUEST [by @yumikitten]: I'm just gonna keep on this Ruffilo train if everyone is okay with it. Ahem. What if Y/N and Nicholas got into a fight? Something that really made them snap and started yelling at each other, saying things they weren't really meaning? It could also just be something super silly tbh. We've all been there. 😅 But Nick finally gets suuuuper tired of screaming at each other and just kisses her to shut her up, which then leads to makeup sex. 😉 I could see him spitefully telling her at some point that he's gonna have to remember this if it got her to shut up so quickly. 🤣 Please don't feel obligated. 😁 My mind is just going zoom. 💕

A/N: FIRST OF ALL, I'M DEEPLY SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG. I had a severe writers block over the last couple of months and couldn't bring myself to work on requests. As compensation i have decided to make a two-parter out of the request. The setting is a maybe a bit different than expected but I hope you like it anyways! Part Two will hopefully be posted soon! ♡♡♡

WARNINGS: angst, cursing, fear of failure, fighting, small room, ... (let me know if i missed something)

TAGLIST: @measuredingold @cncohshit (Let me know if you wanna be added to my general taglist!)

Ever since Y/n had been a child, she was surrounded by music. Her dad was the guitarist of a local rock band and her mom had been playing the violin since forever.

She remembered clearly how her mother had told her that one of the first things she did as a child was smash hey tiny little hands onto the piano that stood in the family’s living room.

As Y/n grew older, her taste in music also changed. Even though she had been learning to play the piano since the age of just four, she noticed how her taste shifted from soft and classical music to later pop and then heavier stuff.

Maybe it had been some kind of rebellion in her teenage years, maybe it had been her father’s taste in music that influenced her or maybe it was her first ever boyfriend who introduced her to Bring Me The Horizon, when she was just fourteen. All Y/n knew, was that she soon found herself sucked into the world of metal and metal core.

It was no shock to anyone close to her, when she was hired to play the keyboard in a band called Bad Omens.

She had met Noah through mutual friends while gaming during the pandemic and they soon became close friends. The band had been working on their third album back than and though it sounded more than good when Y/n first listened to it, Noah thought something was missing. That was when Y/n came into the picture. She had delivered them some parts that amazed the boys so much that they offered her a place in the band. She had gladly accepted it.

Since than the band had been thriving. From tours all over the world, making Y/n travel to parts of the world she had only imagined as a child, to streaming records that made her dad jump in excitement, every time she visited her hometown. Everything was going well for the band.

For Y/n in particular though, nothing was well. Nothing had been like she hoped it would be. While she had grown close to three of her bandmates, one seemingly hated her guts without explanation.

At first, Nick and she had gotten along quite well. She remembered nights where they sat outside and chatted about the most random things while seemingly not getting enough of each other’s presence.

But over time, things had changed. First, he started to distance himself to the point where it couldn’t be called anything but avoidance. Soon, the complaining began. He began to roll his eyes when she said something that made the others laugh. He started making snarky side comments every time she did something slightly different in her performance. Nothing Y/n did was good enough in Nick’s eyes and hell did it annoy her.

She couldn’t wrap her head around what she did to him to make him act that way towards her, considering she was the only one that suffered under his behavior. With everyone else, he was an angel on earth. Always sweet and caring.

Even though she missed the time where Nick acted like that with her, she began to mirror his demeanor. She began to criticize him just as much as he did with her. She was so fed up that she even started to loathe the time she needed to spend with him in one room.

Saying that was difficult was an understatement. Everyone noticed how they started to act and soon the mood started to deteriorate because of their behavior.

But the breaking point was only yet to come.

The stage was set, the lights were dimmed, and the crowd buzzed with anticipation. The band was about to kick of another concert on their tour and Y/n could feel the familiar hum of excitement and nervous energy that waved through the packed room. This was nothing new for Y/n, yet tonight was different. There was an additional weight pressing on her tense shoulders – the intense gaze of Nick, whose eyes seemed to bore into her from across the stage.

As Y/N's fingers glided over the keys, she couldn't shake the feeling that every note she played was being criticized. She stole a glance in Nick's direction, only to find his expression unreadable, yet filled with an intensity that made her uneasy. The rhythmic thump of the bass only increased her anxiety, and the once effortless connection she felt with the music began to waver.

In the midst of a song, Nick shot her a look so disapproving, Y/N lost it. She stumbled over a chord, the crooked sound echoing through the venue. Panic set in as she struggled to regain her composure. She knew the crowd hadn’t noticed but for her it was a disaster. For the rest of their set, her heart seemingly jumped out of her chest in a mix of fury and anxiety. Nick's disapproving glares persisted, each one a sharp stab at Y/N's confidence. The usually seamless collaboration between band members now felt like pure pain to Y/n. All she did for the rest of the evening was desperately trying to avoid the heavy judgment of Nick’s eyes.

As their performance ended, Y/n felt empty. Heavy tension lingered in the air when they went backstage to compliment each other on another successful concert, but Y/n couldn’t bring herself to feel good. She fucked up bad and only because Nick couldn’t stop with his childish behavior.

After Noah and Jolly comforted her for a second, she came to a stand in front of the bassist. The rest of the guys walked away to calm down, while Y/n’s eyes bore into Nick’s.

Without even thinking, she dragged him into a small room filled with technical stuff.

“What the fuck are you doing, Y/n?” Nick protested as she closed the door behind them.

“What the fuck I’m doing? Could you tell me what the fuck your problem is, Nick?” She shouted at him, not holding back one bit.

“I did nothing.” He quickly defended himself and wanted to grab the door handle, but Y/n walked between him and the exit.

“Keep your fucking judgement to yourself next time.” She warned him and looked into his blue eyes. The rage that fumed inside of her quickly caught up to him.

“Maybe don’t fuck up your notes next time.” He hissed at her.

In the dimly lit room, Y/N couldn't hold back her frustration any longer. "Nick, you can't just keep brushing off my opinions about fucking everything!"

Nick's eyes flashed with irritation. "Well, maybe if you understood music better, your opinions would matter."

The words hung in the air, heavy with tension, as Y/N shot back, "You know, not everyone worships your bass lines, dickhead!"

“Oh, come on, are we this low now?” Nick mocked her and tried to get out of the room again.

“I’m not letting you get out of this room until you finally tell me what the fuck I did to you, Nick.” She fumed at him, her back now pressed against the door.

As the argument escalated; Y/n trying to get answers, Nick trying to avoid the talk; both felt a surge of anger and hurt. But suddenly, Nick, became quiet, took a step forward, his eyes meeting Y/N's defiant gaze.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” – “What?”

Before Y/n could react, Nick grabbed her face and, with an unexpected intensity, kissed her. Time seemed to stand still as Y/n noticed what was happening. She was confused but at the same time she couldn’t bring herself to push him off her. Her eyes fluttered shut as another feeling entered her.

Need.

A feeling she had been suppressing since the second he became cold towards her. She wrapped her arms around his neck while he pressed her firmly against the door. It was a kiss full of anger, frustration but also passion as Nick devoured her lips. Soon he travelled down to her neck and even though a small Parton her was still furious about his action, she definitely needed him more than anything in this moment. He bit her exposed skin, not caring a single second about the marks he was leaving on her as she whimpered in pure bliss. When she tugged at Nick’s hair, he softly moaned against her neck, signaling her she wasn’t alone with her thoughts.

Right as his hands started to travel down her shirt, she remembered what was going on and grabbed his wrist.

A stunned silence enveloped them, broken only by Y/n’s words as they looked into each other’s eyes. "You can't just kiss me to end an argument!"

Nick looked at her with wide blown pupils. It looked like he tried to find his words, but nothing came out.

“Oh look at you, now you can’t even talk to me anymore.” Y/n mocked him with hate in her voice, before she pushed him away from her. She left the room with agony.

She hated Nick for making this whole thing even more confusing than it already was. But she knew one thing.

This was never happening again…

PART TWO COMING SOON

[beaker1636]

Permanent Mark - Nicholas Ruffilo Smut

AN: This kinda spilled out, I'm really glad though because something finally broke my slump... so I hope ya'll enjoy!!

You let out a soft sigh as you stand outside the tattoo shop, hyping yourself up for this as you have never gotten a tattoo this large before.  You have wanted to get your owl tattoo for awhile now, and when you saw Nicholas’ work you knew you wanted him to do it, his style something that you enjoyed. 

Maybe that’s your problem though. One, he is the bassist of one of your favorite bands and you are going to have to sit and act like you aren’t a weird fangirl.  Two, the two of you haven’t met in person, you have had to communicate over email and messages because of his tour, so your first time meeting and talking to him his hands are going to be all over your thighs. And three, you find him attractive, very attractive so him having his hands on you is going to be a slight distraction for you.

You finally decide to walk in, making your way towards the front desk to check in, Nicholas greeting you with a smile.

“I was wondering when you would finally walk in, that nervous about this?” He asks, teasing you lightly, trying to help you relax.

“No, not that nervous, just excited.  I have wanted this tattoo for awhile, and based on your sketches I know it’ll be awesome,” you respond, hoping that you don’t come across like a weird fangirl or anything.

“I can understand that, I actually already stenciled up the one that you said you liked if you are ready to come back,” he asks, starting to lead you back towards his chair, still with a soft smile on his face, wanting you to feel comfortable.

You follow behind, waiting for him to show you the stencil and size. 

“I know we talked about it and that it’s a thigh piece, if we need to resize it once we see how it looks that is no big deal,” he says, showing you.  

“I-yeah, let me just take my jeans off…. Shit that sounded bad, I wore shorts under them to make it easier on you, I didn’t mean it in a weird way,” you ramble, now blushing bright red as you move to slip your jeans down.

“I figured, why don’t you hop up in the chair and I’ll apply it, we can then figure out if we like the size and placement yeah,” he says, motioning for you to take a seat, which you do, still blushing at how awkward you made things.  Not realizing that he didn’t mind what you said, he was more focused on slipping his gloves on and applying the first stencil.

You watch him as his hands now touch your thigh, applying it for you.  When it’s on he gives you a chance to look in the mirror, seeing what you think of the placement and the size.

“What do you think? I think we should go a little bigger but it’s your decision,” he says, glancing at you as you look at it.

You look at it for a moment, trying to decide what you think before you nod in agreement. “Yeah, I think you’re right, it would look better if we made it bigger. Hopefully it’s not too much work to change it up.”

“Nope, we will wipe this one off and then I will go resize it quickly,” he responds, taking a wet paper towel and wiping the stencil off my skin before going back behind the desk and doing a couple things, coming back with a larger one.

When he returns and gently places the larger stencil on you he looks up at you to see what you are thinking. “I think it looks much better like this, what do you think y/n?” he asks, waiting for you to decide if you like it.

“That looks much better, I like it,” you respond, a big smile on your face as the reality of you finally getting this tattoo you’ve wanted for so long is finally hitting you.

“Awesome, I will get started with the outlines.  Did you decide what colors you wanted me to use or do you want me to surprise you?” He asks, getting all his materials ready before you hear the machine turn on, your anxiety spiking.

“I don’t know, I was thinking that galaxy-like colors would be cool.  Like blues and purples, but if you have a different idea I am open to it honestly.  You’re the artist here, not me, so you probably have more idea of what would look good.” You say softly, trying not to jump when you feel him start his first line.

“I was hoping you would say that, I wanted to use those colors honestly.  I think they’d look great on your skin tone.  So, let’s get started, enjoy the next few hours we have together.  If you need a break or anything let me know okay?” He asks, making sure that you meet his eyes for a moment, to catch how serious he is before he looks down to get started.

“Of course, I can’t wait to see how it comes out,” you say excitedly, watching him get started.  There is something so mesmerizing, watching him while he is so focused, while his eyes are so focused on what he does as his hands run along your skin.  

The buzzing is a little annoying, but it is nothing you aren’t used to, having gotten a couple tattoos in the past.

As he works he can tell that you are watching him, that you enjoy watching him as he works.  He’s not sure exactly why, but it’s flattering.  Once he gets a little more in the zone he decides to try and talk to you, wanting to get to know you a little better but also to break the silence.

“So, is this your first tattoo you’ve gotten?” He asks you, continuing to drag the needle across your skin as he does the outlines, sneaking a couple looks at your face here or there as he goes to gauge your reactions, making sure that you aren’t too uncomfortable.

“No, I have a rather large one on the back of my shoulder that I had done awhile ago when I was in college and then a set of song lyrics that was added to it.  It’s just not visible when I am in a shirt, I also have a magnifying glass on my bicep but you can’t really see it with the long sleeves I’m in.  This one is one I have wanted and sat on for a while though honestly.” you admit, feeling a little shy while you say it.

“No wonder you are taking this so well, I was just thinking you are handling it well for someone’s first, so that makes more sense now.  You chose a good spot though, it shouldn’t hurt too bad for you.  What is the one on your back?” He asks.

The two of you spend the next few hours talking, a little flirting, and getting to know each other.  Him laughing when he hits a spot where you grimace, not expecting you to lose your composure.  You laugh when he tells you something funny that has happened in the shop, or on tour.  The two of you honestly hit it off really well, despite the fact that you’re hurting you are almost disappointed when a few hours later he is wrapping it up and it is done.  You absolutely love how it came out though, his talent and his attention to the details that you wanted to stand out made it come out absolutely beautifully. 

When you make your way up front to pay and leave, you feel pretty bitter sweet, not waiting to walk away from him but absolutely loving how it came out.  You don’t realize that he feels the same way, that something about you is different than other clients and he doesn’t quite want to let you leave either.

You sign the slip of paper you need to pay with your card before sliding it back to him, thinking nothing of it when he slides business card back to you… until you realize that there is a phone number written on the back of it when you get inside your car and go to set it in your purse.  You can’t believe that he gave you his phone number, and wrote text me next to it.  You realize that you aren’t the only one who felt something between the two of you.

When you make your way back to your house you decide to send him a text, just saying thank you for the tattoo, that you absolutely loved it and can’t wait for it to heal. 

A week later

The two of you have consistently been talking for about a week now, getting to know each other as you do so… and maybe flirting with each other quite a bit.  You still a little mind blown that this man who you find so attractive seems to be into you.

You got another message from him, this one asking you to come hang out, watch a movie at his place.  That led to where you are now, on his couch while a movie plays, both of you laughing with it while his arm is around you, feeling close to one another.

“Hey, how’s the owl healing?” He asks you, his eyes meeting yours as you both smile at each other, enjoying how you are looking at one another.

“It is looking great, I know it’s not fully there yet but I love it.  You did a great job,” You say honestly, wondering if he actually cares or is just worried you aren’t taking care of it, letting it ruin itself.

“I’m curious about the one you said is on your back, you never showed me a picture or anything, can I see it?” He asks you softly, his hand rubbing your arm softly where it is wrapped around you.

“Yeah, I’ll have to take my top shirt off though, but I do have a tank top on so it’s not that weird.” You say softly, feeling shy as you let him see this other part of you, one that honestly you love but with him being an artist himself you are worried about what he would think.  

You sit up and slip your t-shirt off, turning your back towards him so that he can see it.  His hands gently brushing your hair to the side as he looks, gently tracing his fingers down the dragon, sending shivers down your spine with how gentle his touch is.  

“I don’t know why I didn’t expect a dragon and flowers but I didn’t.  What does the line ‘Heaven wasn’t too far away’ with the dates mean?” He asks you, his fingers still gently tracing along your skin as he watches it closely.

“The dates are when my dad died, that’s actually why I got a dragon too, because he had a dragon on his arm so it’s all a tribute for him.  When I was little he sang Heaven by warrant to me so it just made sense,” you admit softly, a little uncomfortable talking about what is a sore subject, unsure why you are comfortable telling him.

“Well it’s beautiful, really,” he says just as softly, before moving and placing a soft kiss on your skin there.

You stiffen for a moment, caught off guard by the kiss, him also wondering why the hell he just did that as he feels your body tense for a moment.

When you turn towards him, your eyes meeting his something changed.  Next thing you know the two of you are kissing, his tongue quickly finding yours as the two of you give in, no longer holding back your desire from the other one.  His hands settle on your hips as you eventually move, straddling his lap as he holds you tightly against him, one of your hands settling in his hair.  The more intense the kiss gets the more you shift in his lap, able to feel his growing erection underneath you, which just fuels you even more.

His lips eventually pull away from yours only to settle on your neck, leaving teasing kisses along the length of it until they settle underneath your ear, nipping lightly at your earlobe.

“Please tell me you want this as much as I do right now,” he asks softly, practically begging you for permission to keep going.

“Yes, I want this,” you admit softly, letting out a gasp when his lips settle below your ear again, now nipping, kissing and sucking harder, determined to leave at least one mark along your skin if you will let him.  Leave you with a reminder that he was there, that he made you feel this way.  

When he’s finally satisfied with how it looks he pulls away with a smirk.  Moving to slip his own shirt off before reaching for the bottom of your tank top, waiting for you to nod before he slides it off of you as well. 

He moves you off his lap, urging you to lay back on the couch which you gladly do, wanting to feel him over the top of you as his lips lock on yours again, much more urgency in his actions this time as one of his hands trails slowly up your stomach.  Making its way teasingly between your breasts before moving to lightly palm one of them over the top of your bra, slowly his fingers dip under the cup as they find your nipple, playfully rubbing it between his fingers before lightly pulling on it.

At this point his other hand reaches behind your back, unclasping it and sliding it off of you before he shifts his attention to your other breast.  His fingers still playing with the one while he pulls his lips away from yours, settling on your other one as he slowly trails his tongue around it, feeling it harden in his mouth as he continues to tease you with his tongue, sucking on it while his fingers are on your other one still.  He hears your soft moan which encourages him to continue, knowing that you are enjoying his teasing touches on them, knowing that he is making you want this as much as he does based on how you are shifting your hips up to meet his, making both of you gasp as you make contact.

One of your arms wraps itself around his back, lightly running your nails along his skin there as he continues, it starting to turn him on more than he thought it would as he continues his touches, his lips now trailing down your torso as he moves.  Stopping just above the waistband of your leggings that you have on.  

You glance down, looking at him as he slowly moves to dip his finger teasingly just under the waistband of them and your panties, watching as you squirm from his touches.  He can tell that he is getting you worked up, and is enjoying the fact that he is.  His eyes meeting yours, his desire obvious inside of them.

“Can I?” He asks you gently, waiting for your okay before he tries to remove them from your body.  

When you nod he doesn’t hesitate, he slowly slides them both down your legs at the same time, quickly settling himself between your thighs as his hands teasingly trail over the bare one.  He also takes a moment to admire his work, it really is healing beautifully and he thinks it looks incredibly sexy on you, that you let him decorate your skin for life.

He moves back up, his lips settling on yours again while his fingers teasingly slide through your folds, collecting your wetness on one of his fingertips before bringing it back up to use as lube while he lightly circles your clit.   Watching as you instantly stiffen slightly, enjoying his touch while letting out a quiet sigh, enjoying how his hands are on you.  

He pulls his lips away with a smirk, glancing at you as he mumbles something about how wet you are.  Honestly, you didn’t completely catch what he says, you are so overstimulated and enjoying his touch so much that you can’t focus on his words.  Nicholas is able to tell, his eyes meeting yours with an amused smile as he continues, moving his finger slowly against your clit, wanting you to grow desperate, crave more from him.

When you are squirming underneath him, whimpering, he decides that he may have teased you enough and quickly slips a finger inside of you, another joining right away when he realizes just how wet you actually are.  Pumping them inside of you while angling up to hit that spongy spot, wanting to get you there quickly because he is struggling to hold it together at this point, wants to be inside of you desperately at this point.  Watching you arch your back against the touch, bucking your hips up to meet his touch, all while whimpering and moaning, it's turning him on more than anything has before.  You are total putty under his hands and he is enjoying it, a cocky smirk on his face as he watches you slowly fall apart.

“You want more, want me to make you come?” He asks you, voice deep and laced with lust.

“Please, I, I am so close Nicholas,” you whine, meeting his eyes with your own while he watches you closely, enjoying your reactions.

“Hmm, I think you can do better than that,” He says again, slowing his movements with his fingers down to prove his point.

“Fuck, Please, I feel so good, I, I want to come nicholas, want to feel even better,” You whimper out, unashamed to be begging at this point, past the point of no return.

He doesn’t say anything, just picking up the pace and using the pads of his other fingers to rub against your clit, pulling you closer and closer.  He doesn’t stop this time when you are at the edge again, instead he tells you to come, demands you to, which somehow makes you let go.

Your back arching as you throw your head back with a loud moan, your climax hitting you harder than you expected, feeling so sensitive and overwhelmed by everything as your body relaxes back against the couch again, slumping against it as you come back down with a heaving chest while he watches you.  While your eyes were closed he had lost his pants and underwear, slipped a condom on and is watching you, stroking his cock as he admires just how beautiful you look like this. Waiting for you to settle back down and be ready to take him.

When your eyes open and land on him stroking himself he figures that you are ready, settling himself between your thighs as he leans down to give you another kiss, slowly thrusting himself inside you for the first time while the two of you kiss.  When you adjust to the stretch a bit more he lets go, his hips rocking to meet yours a bit more, working himself into you while he admires you.  Watches how your breasts move as he thrusts into you, enjoying the sight of your chest heaving as he works you back up again, the sight of you alone is honestly almost orgasmic, he loves how responsive and sensitive you are.

He grabs one of your hands, moving it between your thighs to rub your clit, wanting to feel you come on his cock before he finishes.  You do, starting to rub it as he thrusts harder into you, your other hand moving to play with one of your nipples, craving that extra stimulation as you find yourself hurdling closer to the edge, the pressure building again.

“Please, I’m close, need you to finish again,” he whispers into your ear, practically begging you to let another orgasm go for him.  The feeling of him inside of you, your fingers on your clit, pared with his words is enough, throwing you over the edge abruptly as your second orgasm hits you, stronger than the last.

The moan you let out and the feeling of you tightening around his cock is enough to pull him over the edge with you, coming undone with a few more thrusts to ride it out, his head landing on your chest when he pulls out and collapses on top of you.  Both of you laying there, basking in the afterglow of the moment you just shared.  Both of your chests heaving as you come down together, one of your hands now moving so that you can play with his damp hair, earning you a soft groan from him.  

Neither one of you wants to break this silence, both of you enjoying the moment but he eventually decides he should probably deal with the condom and slowly lifts himself off of you, leaving you another soft kiss before moving to take it off and throw it away before making his way back over to you.

“If you want we can maybe move this to my bed, restart the movie because we missed most of it and cuddle up for the night… and have an actual date tomorrow night,” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

You can’t help but giggle, before agreeing with him that it sounds wonderful, letting him slip his shirt that he had on over your head before you follow him to his room. Restarting the movie so that you both could actually watch it this time while sharing some sweet kisses, smiles, and cuddles.  

“You know, I really want to make a joke about you leaving a permanent mark on me now, that yours is going to last longer than any others I’ve had before because of the tattoo but maybe that’s a bit too cheesy,” you say with a giggle, his head resting on your chest again as you play with his hair.  Both of you have discovered that you like this, that it is relaxing for both of you.

“Yeah, with your garbage sense of humor I was waiting for it,” he teases, lightly tickling your side to make you laugh again.  You retaliate by attempting to tickle him back, leading to a full out tickling war as you miss a good chunk of the movie yet again.

“Maybe one day we’ll actually finish the movie,” he says with a laugh.  Giving up and turning it off, neither of you seem to care or notice as you both continue to laugh, talk and enjoy the night before falling asleep.

[cookiesupplier]

Catch You When You Fall - Part One

pairing: Nicholas Ruffilo & ofc (Catherine)

warnings/tropes: slow burn, angst, murder, mystery, smut, mentions of speciesism, mentions of violence, trauma... (to be added.)

summary: A new soul has arrived in the Afterlife. While she appears to adjust just like anyone else might in the new environment of the world of life after death, despite the ordeal she experienced with her death. The question is has she really, and can Nicholas help her without crossing lines that he knows he shouldn't?

Authors Note: Like most of my stories, no beta, but enjoy if you lik lol.

To find the others in the Hell AU Universe: Combined Hell-Verse Masterlist

tags: @missduffsblog @tearfallpixie @spicywhenspeaking @sorrowsofsilence @wild-child-7747

@lacktoesandtoddlerants @blackveilomens @valiantroeagleangel @bngurngheart @collapsedglasshouses

@embracethereaper42 @emmmm127 @sunsshinesunny @dominuslunae @xxkittenkissesxx

If you would like to be added to this tag list please see THIS FORM

Screeching, she can hear something screeching, and it's making her head ring so bad as she stumbled forward, it was making her so dizzy that everything around her just feels like it's a blur for the moment. What is going on? The room, it’s, it’s spinning, is it even just a room, a hall maybe, it was long, it felt like it could go on forever. Perhaps that was because she couldn’t seem to focus on any one thing. Catherine leaned against the wall for a moment, closing her eyes, trying to take a breath. She was just at home, she was just, in her bedroom, she was just…

That sound wasn't screeching at all. It was screaming. Screaming, and it was coming from her. She had been screaming until her throat felt like it was ripped to sandpaper. Oh god, she remembered screaming, and she remembered there being another person in the room, but it had been so dark who had it had been, why, why had they… and, then... nothing. Why did her head hurt so much?

Cat’s hand rose to her throat, her fingers pressed to the soft skin tenderly, flinching as she swallowed, it… it didn’t hurt. Why didn’t it hurt? She remembered the pain. She remembered feeling the hard press of their gloved hand circling around her throat, digging in painfully until she couldn’t breathe. He’d laughed, she had looked up into those strangely familiar eyes, and he’d laughed. Why had they been familiar? Why couldn’t she remember who they were?

She swore she remembered waking up in her bedroom. Cat didn’t remember what had startled her enough to wake her, but she did remember seeing him, it was a him, she knew it was a him, well, she assumed it was him. His stature, lack of breasts, presence of his aroused state when he used his body to slam her against the wall as he cornered her in the hallway after she leapt from her bed and tried to run. At the very least, he had been born physically male. The mask hid her attacker's face, and it had been far too dark for her to see anything other than black, she’d barely gotten a glimpse of the eyes when they’d got right up close as they’d choked her. The irony, all of her dark fantasies could have come true with that masked person choking her that night, were it not for one thing.

What they had wanted.

They didn’t want her in any way other than dead, which lead Cat right to where she was now, standing in a rather bleak room, almost. Was this, an office hall? She was dead, right? She hadn’t been dreaming or anything? As in, she had actually died? No catch twenty twos, no second chances, no glimpses of what-ifs.. Maybe she’d read one too many supernatural books… so sue her. 

“Catherine?”

Her head turned swiftly, glancing to the side of her, only to groan softly in pain, her hand flying to her head and cradled it with her palm to her temple, the sudden movement had not eased the throbbing. 

“That would be from you hitting your head on the way down when you fell, please, you should sit.”

Looking at the man in confusion, he looked so, well, frankly, normal. Blue eyes, blonde hair, highlights matching his sun kissed skin, he had a couple of random tattoos down his forearms, over all he looked like a basic surfer. Nothing alarming that meshed anything close to her dream. Who was he? Just the same, though, he was guiding her to one of the empty desks, where he pulled a chair from the desk, offering it to her so she could sit, just as he had suggested. Once she had, he proceeded to pull another chair over so he could join her sitting by the desk. Then, almost, as if by magic, which, it couldn’t be, that was impossible right? An ice pack appeared in the man’s hand, holding it out to her.

“Here, this should help ease the headache.”

Accepting the cold pack, Cat took in a sharp breath as she pressed it to the back of her head. It was so tender, there was a spike of pain with the pressure, however it was soothed quickly with the cool feeling. A moment later she shivered a little at the ice pack in her hand even. 

“Thank you.”

Seeing him smile to her, Cat watched him warily for a moment, trying to understand what was happening here. After a moment, she decided that she was just going to bite the bullet and ask.

“I am, dead, right? I didn’t.. Hallucinate everything that happened, did I?”

The kind of smile that came her way pretty much told her everything she wanted to know, pity. Sighing, she presumed that it could very well be intended to be understanding, but it didn’t feel that way. No, it felt like pity. At least he wasn’t smirking at her, yea, the last time she got bad news it went sideways very fast. The worst moments, for Cat, were when a person didn’t even mean to be. For instance, the burst of childish laughter at a horrifying moment that had ripped your heart out. At least this man, whose eyes, eyes, had a look that told her he might as well be as old as dirt for however young he appeared. She was dead, and he was possibly an old man, in a young body, oh yes, that made absolutely complete sense.

Frowning, she glanced along the hall, there were other people along the desks, talking with people along the way just as she was. Some were calm, some however, not so much. One at every desk looked rather, shall we say, out of place. For instance, while her, for lack of anything else to call him, her new friend, he certainly hadn’t been rude to her so far at least… was dressed in smart casual attire. Button down shirt, rolled up sleeves to his elbows, long slacks, neatly trimmed hair, she however, was dressed in her nightgown. At least unlike some of her other night gowns, this one at least was more on the modest side, not to say Cat wore a lot of risqué nightgowns, but she had some. For when she had someone in her bed that might enjoy it. Unfortunately that was few and far in between times, it had been quite awhile, hence the very modest night gown. 

Holding the ice pack to her head as she turned her focus back to her new, friend, of sorts, whoever he was. Who was he?

“How about we start with introductions, shall we?”

Perking up at that, trying not to flinch at her pained head, he might as well have read her mind for a moment there, but she stayed silent, letting him continue. Years ago she’d learned to stay silent and let others talk freely, especially when they had already started, tended to go far better than cutting than off to demand information. Most times anyway. Sometimes it got her even more information than she could personally want, while it could lead to some embarrassment in certain cases, in others, it was exceptionally useful. 

“My name is Bryce, I am your caseworker. It’s my job to help transition from life to the Afterlife, until you are ready to reincarnate, which, don’t worry about that right now. Reincarnation is a layered subject we should leave for a later time, once you’ve settled.”

Casework, afterlife, reincarnation? Well, that was more than she expected. Blinking at him, she had no idea what to say to that, the whole world just seemed to stop.

“Do you have any questions for me?”

Questions? Did she have any questions? What kind of question was that? Who in their right mind wouldn’t have questions? Has anyone ever said no to that? It felt like kind of a redundant question in itself, and it made her want to- no, no. She was not going to laugh in the face of the first kind face she’d met upon her arrival in the afterlife since her demise.

“Oh, maybe just a few. Let’s start with you just throwing Afterlife out there like that, so, am I in, ah, Heaven, Hell, Limbo? Honestly, I have no idea what to think here, because this just looks like-”

Cat turned her head, still holding the ice pack in place against the back of her skull, she did not want to risk losing that sweet relief. 

“An office building.

There was no other way she could think of as a way to describe the look of this place. As her attention turned back to, to, Bryce, right, Bryce, and continuing right on.

“I can’t be certain that if I got up and walked out the front door, I wouldn’t in the middle of the city square.”

His smile this time was far less sad and more amused,

“The Afterlife is more generalised than specific in terms of places. Technically in the means of the way human religions see them, there is technically no specific Heaven, Hell, Elysium, Valhalla, Summerland, the Duat, the list goes on as you can imagine. Now, in saying that, there are many here in this particular area of the Afterlife, that refer to it as Hell, affectionately, of course. They do this as it is the gateway to many punishment dimensions of the Afterlife. Now, in saying that, you, Catherine, are in no way here to be punished. If you were here to be sent to one of those dimensions, we would not be sitting here talking as we are. There is a whole different hall you’d be going through, and very different people you’d be meeting if you were.” Something about that seemed to amuse him greatly, “And they aren’t exactly the kind of people you really want to know, quite undesirable as it were.”

Frowning slightly, oh? That, was a curious thought, that there were people in the Afterlife, in Hell, there were still people that were considered undesirable, outside of those being sent to be punished she was presuming. At least, in Bryce’s opinion. It made her wonder why. Something else also caught her attention with his little spiel about where she was, about what the Afterlife actually was.. Human religions, he didn’t just say religion, he specifically said human religion.

“When you say human religion specifically, is that to suggest there are more than just humans here in the Afterlife?”

This caused Bryce to smile brightly, 

“Oh, you are a bright one, smart, catch on quickly. I like that. Correct. Most of us that live in this area of the afterlife are in fact demons, I am a demon. I hope that doesn’t scare you, we are quite friendly, I promise.”

There was a possibility that Bryce misinterpreted the surprised expression crossing her features when he mentioned demons, assuming she was afraid with the news instead. The amount of supernatural books that she’d read in her life only to find out that demons were something that were in fact real. Oh, it made her wonder what else she could find in the Afterlife, what else she might find here. Were there vampires, werewolves? What kind of creatures were in Hell? Were there different creatures here in hell that there were in different parts of the Afterlife?

If Bryce wondered whether she had questions about being here in the Afterlife before, that was nothing compared to now. Her mind was just completely reeling as to what he’d revealed to her. Still though,

“I’m sorry, you just, look so human.”

Smiling,

“Well, admittedly, not every demon does, there are plenty of those that reside here that don’t shift into a more human form. Because I interact with humans quite a bit, especially ones like yourself, that are just starting their transition to the Afterlife, I find it eases their passage just a little having a more familiar. A friendly face to help them acclimate to their new surroundings help a great deal. How am I doing so far?”

The chuckle that followed made Cat think that Bryce wasn’t really looking for an answer as to how she was actually doing, and was really just joking around in hopes to just ease her in with his amusing remark. She supposed he wasn’t wrong however, though, it would have been quite a shock if she’d stumbled into the hall and been approached by someone looking vastly different. Not that she knew how demons actually looked quite yet. For all she knew, they looked just as welcoming as he did. “Fine, I guess.” “How is your head feeling, Darling?”

Oh, she tried not to frown, she’d never liked it when men did that, called her Darling or something like they were all familiar with her, and they didn’t even know her. Now there were some people in her life that it was different with, her friends, they’d just had a different way about them, and some of them she clicked with quickly. She’d only just met Bryce, and as nice as he seemed, it was a liberty she didn’t feel comfortable giving him yet. 

It did not help that from a darkness in her mind, she couldn’t shake the shadow of a thought of the man that held her to a wall, pressing his body to hers, choking the life out of her. Now this man was calling her, Darling, like it was nothing.

Taking a breath, she lifted the ice pack from the back of her head, realising…

“Oh, I, it’s, much better. My headaches gone. Thank you.”

It was just gone. As she offered him the ice pack back, the smile as he took it from her seemed, significant, as if he had expected as much, and had known all along that her headache would just vanish to nothing. That, was just frustrating, and it would have been nice to be told instead of manipulated, even gently. She’d just been murdered, she didn’t need to be manoeuvred around like a game here. Her initial welcoming feeling from when she arrived might be waning right now.

“So, um, now that I know I’m dead, what now exactly?”

What did, being in the Afterlife even mean, what would she even do here until she was eligible to reincarnate? 

“Now, Darling,” There it was again, he was comfortable with that, wasn’t he?

“I give you the tour.”

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

[nerdraging4point0]

I have decided to post my work to the following dashboard

Click Here

I have edited some of the work in question. And I am excited to share on another platform.

[darksideoftheshipps]

❗real people ship❗

Is there any ship name for

Noah Sebastian/Nicholas Ruffilo???

Cuz you don't understand. I need more content with this ship. I know that there are some FF on Ao3. I've read almost everything. My fav are Cannibal boyfriends👌🏻✌🏻

But it's not only Noah/Nicholas. Well I ship the whole band.

Hey! Hey! HEY!! I see you! Put down the rock what you have in your hand!

Please can we talk about them? But not in the heterosexual way?

Just want to see them share bed. That's all.

[tearfallpixie]

Ok I need some help .... I'm looking for a fic where this girl gets a tattoo from Nick and gets increasingly turned on until he stops and helps her with her problem. Does anyone remember what this one was called?

Tagging a few people who may know....

@starsomens @signs-of-ill-portent @beaker1636 @synthetic-wasp-570 @circle-with-me

[deathblacksmoke]

Masterlist: Dramamine

COMPLETE

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Nick Ruffilo

Series Summary: Cynical, brooding bartender Nick meets too-earnest, pretty boy singer Noah when The Rabbit's Foot starts hosting an open mic night.

Content Warnings: angst, pining, self-doubt/self-hatred, oral sex (m receiving), past trauma, mentions of death, minor character death, self-harm/violence, hurt/no comfort, hurt/comfort

title from “dramamine” by modest mouse.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | epilogue

One-shots: the gentlest feeling

Sweet Disposition: prologue

Spotify playlist | Fic tag

[concreteburialplot]

Cruel

Pairing: Nicholas x F!Reader

Masterlist: here | Crossposted: ao3 | Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: Cocky Asshole!Nick, stereotypical cliché rockstar behavior, toxic af, petnames, fingering, oral (f receiving), p n v, cream pie, canon big fat co-, dramatic and cliché, ~making love~, happy ending, lightly edited, [you deserve better than men like this!!!], 18+ MDNI

Summary: Your long time on-again/off-again love finds you the second his tour bus reaches home. Even with your walls up, he charms his way into apartment and back into your heart.

A/N; Not my best work but this wip has been sitting in my drafts for over a year, finally decided to let it see the light of day. Enjoy 💕 Also… this almost became a Jake Kiszka fic…

“You paint a picture of us, just to burn it. Fool, I’m a fool if the shoe fits.”

- Cool // Gracie Abrams

The minute the GPS was set to home, there was a buzz on your phone that had been absent for the past two months. You unlocked it mindlessly, thinking nothing of it, but the second you read it your heart sunk to your stomach.

❌DO NOT ANSWER❌:

Gonna be back in town around midnight.

See you then?

Absolutely not. Why would you do that to yourself again. Yet, against your better judgement, you answered.

No.

You sent back simply, with your heart pounding in your ears.

He replied almost immediately. The speed of it made your heart flutter but you had to remind yourself that he was probably just bored on a tour bus. That you were probably just the easiest option after having an endless pick of groupies on the road.

Oh, c’mon don’t be like that

We could have fun

The thought of having him again sent a wavering behind your ribs that you quickly tried to squash down. You tugged your bottom lip between your teeth in thought. No, no, no – you repeated in your head like a mantra.

You: I don’t have fun with you.

Nick: It sure didn’t seem like that before I left

It was a half lie. While you did have fun together, he always came at a cost. He was never yours, not fully. Right before tour was always the worst.

While he was home everything felt different – domestic even at times, and each time you convinced yourself it’d be different, that that time would be the one to stick, that he would stay yours. But then weeks leading up to tour things would change, he’d grow distant, and fights would spawn out of nothing. In an instant, he wasn’t the man you were in love with. Love wasn’t a word you ever threw around in your label-less relationship, but it was felt, at least on your end. Regardless, sex was the one thing that always kept you two together – but it made you weak and pliable.

You: That’s not true and you know it

Nick: Just let me see you, we can talk about it

You mulled it over in your head. Your heart wanted nothing more than to see him again but that was exactly the reason you needed to resist. It was a war between your head and your heart and for once, your head was winning. You were sick of the rollercoaster of loving him, sick of getting your heart broken repeatedly. This tour was the biggest and longest they’d ever done, almost double their usual length, and the fallout with him before he left was the most damaging it’d ever been. The extra time apart allowed you to process the pain and assess the relationship. You’d been able to accept it for what it was and come to terms with the fact that you’d never have him the way you’ve always craved. While he was away, you grieved the crumbs of your situationship and chose yourself for once. Though, the pain that bloomed from that decision felt like a betrayal to your heart in the moment, but you knew it was for the better.

You know it’s for the better.

You: I don’t want to see you, Nicholas.

Nick: I wasn’t aware we were lying to each other now

Heat rose to your cheeks and your stomach churned in anger and pain as your brain flooded with infinite memories of him lying to you.

You: Oh, that’s fucking rich coming from you

Nick: Just let me see you

You: No. Why the fuck should I let you

Nick: I wanna talk Nick: I have something for you

You: I don’t want anything from you

Though, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious. Sometimes he’d bring you little nothings from his travels, but nothing notable or worthy of being a bargaining chip.

Nick: Just let me see you.

As much as you didn’t want to admit it, his persistence was wearing you down. It’s a horrible thing to be lovesick for a man who gives you just enough slices of dopamine to make you forget why you were mad or cautious in the first place. It was toxic and thrilling all at once. It was nothing but lies – both from him and yourself. Your heart was beginning to feed you false truths like: he could just come over, you’d call him on his bullshit and let him leave without him getting to you.

You gave into him, like you always did.

You: Fine. But you leave when I tell you to. Nick: No problem. See you in an hour.

You mentally scolded yourself, but you couldn’t help but feel the flurry of butterflies running rampant in your stomach.

After a while, you checked the time and noted that about an hour and a half had passed. Fear and disappointment trickled down your spine at the idea that he might not even show up after you gave into him like a fool. It made you sick to your stomach even though it wouldn’t be the first time he’d done that.

About 10 minutes later you heard a knock at the door and adrenaline spiked in your bloodstream. You took a look in your full-length mirror and smoothed out your silhouette. While you fed yourself the lie that nothing was going to happen, your hands chose a flowy sundress that laid mid-thigh.

When you opened your door, you were met with Nick in comfy clothes, clearly fresh from off the tour bus. As indifferent as you should’ve been, you couldn’t help but take notice of how good he looked with his hair up in a messy bun. Still, just the sight of him felt like a dagger through your already bleeding heart. It was a torturous duplicity being so in love with him, yet so heartbroken from just looking at him. All the work you did to suppress and heal your wounds crashed back down to square one. The second he spoke you knew you’d made a horrible mistake.

“Hey.” He smiled and you could tell he suppressed a smirk.

“Hey.” You replied flatly. Your resiliency was already begging to falter. You hadn’t heard his voice in months, and it stirred something in you – something both vicious and compelling. You came to realize that this was a dangerous game you chose to play.

His eyes fluttered down your frame, soaking in the vision of you completely. “You look,” He paused, and you expected something vulgar, but he surprised you. “Fantastic.”

A peachy hue grew on the tops of your cheeks at the compliment, and you silently reprimanded yourself for letting him get to you already.

He stepped closer to you, brushing your hair just behind your bare shoulder to admire you fully. “All this for me?”

And just like that, the flutter in your stomach fell along with the edges of your lips. Your eyes begged to roll at the question, but you restrained it to just a scowl.  “What are you doing here, Nick?”

“To see you silly.” He said nonchalantly while his crystal eyes held something more you couldn’t place – it was like a glint of something deeper than he was letting on. “Now let me in, won’t you?”

You sighed and stepped aside to let him past you. “You said you wanted to talk?” You pressed against the door to close it behind you. When it clicked into place you rested flat against it with your arms crossed.

His head tilted around the small space to take it in, even though it wasn’t drastically different, any remanence of him was gone. Then, he met your eyes again to answer your question. “That’s what we’re doing, isn’t it?”

You groaned, unraveling your arms to ball your fists at your sides. “You’re so fucking infuriating.”

So much for keeping your cool.

He huffed out a maddening laugh. “All worked up, are we? Must’ve been really frustrated while I was gone.”

“Actually, it’s been real fucking peaceful.” Your arms crossed back over your chest. “What do you want, Nicholas?”

“I wanted to see you.” He said earnestly, this time with less smugness to it. “And to give you this.” His arm went behind himself and into his back pocket only to pull out a palm-sized stuffed black cat. He held the sitting stuffie in his hand on display.

Your heart sunk the second your eyes landed on the stuffed toy. Both anger and heartache bubbled into your stomach, into your veins and all across your skin. Your shoulder muscles stiffened reflexively. “Why the fuck would you bring me that?”

The truth was that the cat contained more than just stuffing – it represented a past floating idea of a shared black cat between you. Whenever you two were at your best, you discussed adopting one together. You’d keep it at your place since he’s so often away from home, but it would be shared nonetheless. It never happened of course, but there he was holding a physical placeholder for it.

“I saw it and thought of you.” He said infuriatingly nonchalant, though you couldn’t tell if the ignorance was genuine or not.

You crossed the threshold between you and snatched the stuffie from his hand. You squeezed it by its sides in front of his face, “This is cruel, and you know it.”

While you were fuming, there was still a small pathetic part of you that swooned at the fact that he remembered such a small thing.

He reached out to graze up your jaw to your chin. “Even when you’re pissed at me you’re beautiful.”

You smacked his hand away from you, not wanting anything to do with him or his dizzying games. “You are such a fucking prick, and you know it. You know what this little toy means to me, and it means nothing to you.” You nearly spat at him while you shoved a finger into his sternum.

He grasped your wrist, keeping it in place as he stepped forward. “Who said it doesn’t?”

The air between you seemed to dissipate, leaving your throat barren of oxygen. Yet, your self respect held strong against his convincing words. “You’re a liar. A cruel liar.”

He closed the gap between you further until his lips were hovering just above your own. “I’m not lying.” Your nose filled with his scent – peppery cologne, weed and beer. It wasn’t the most pleasant mixture of smells, but it was him and he was something you’d missed and longed for the past two months. His smell and his proximity had your chest swirling with love and desperation. You wanted – no – you needed him to be telling the truth this time. It had to be the truth.

“I’m not lying.” He replied softly with his eyes falling from your own to your lips then meeting your gaze once more. “Let me show you how honest I’m being.”

It wasn’t your smartest move, giving into him so effortlessly. He just made it so easy to believe anything that came out of his pretty mouth. It wouldn’t be the first time you fell for his tricks and unfortunately, something told you it wouldn’t be the last.

When your lips met, it was electric, sparking and hot. You weren’t sure if that was just what he’d always felt like or if it had just been months since he touched you last.

It didn’t take long before his fingers frantically tangled in your hair. You matched his energy, curling fists into the base of his bun. He stumbled you both back onto your couch with your lips glued to each other’s. The kiss was full of fire and pent-up tension.

You ended up with both knees on either side of his hips. Your lips landed on the spiderweb tattoo on his neck, immediately sucking at the ink. He let out a hiss at the intensity of your suction. Your hips swiveled over the bulge growing in his pants.

“Fuck.” He groaned and tugged at the hem of your dress, silently asking you to pull it off.

You detached from his neck briefly and yanked the sundress off your body tossing it on the floor. Before you could return to your spot on his neck, he grabbed your face to meet his lips again. It was messy with teeth clashing and hasty tongues fighting for dominance.

Your hands fumbled between your bodies to unzip his jeans to let him out. You wondered how he was even able to stay in his pants with his massive size when he was hard. You took him in one hand while the other stabilized you on his shoulder. He groaned into the kiss as you worked him in your hand.

His fingers curled tightly into your hair, “I need to fucking be inside you.” He all but growled.

You nodded quick and breathless, you needed just the same. You tugged away and spit multiple times onto his impressive size. It had been months since you’ve had him, there’s no way this wasn’t going to hurt.

You lifted on your knees, as much as you could, Nick helped by pushing your panties to the side and sliding his fingers up and down your folds.

“You’re so fucking wet for me.” His fingers dipped inside you, just a fingertip deep to gather some of your juices and used it to better coat your entrance. He paused and his brows furrowed a bit. With how full you felt with just one finger you could only imagine what he was thinking. “You’re going to need more prep than this for me.”

You whined, but you knew he was right. It had been so long since you’d taken him, and your cunt needed time to refamiliarize itself with his size.

Your hand never halted on his length, and it was obvious on his twisted features and his mouth slightly parted. No matter how angry you were at him, it didn’t take away from how pretty he looked when he was drunk off of you.

He pumped his finger slowly in and out of you just to set a pace before adding another. A small gasp fell from your lips at the addition and stilled all of your movements.

“Just relax baby,” He soothed, and you softened in his hold. “That’s it, let me take care of you.”

It was a weighty thing to ask of you, but your mind turned to mush the second his thumb found your clit, rubbing slow circles on it. Your eyes rolled back, and your chest gave way to him. “Fuck, Nick.” You muttered out pathetically.

“I missed you.”

-was the last thing you expected to hear from him in that moment, but you were so lost in euphoria that you couldn’t wrap your head around it. “Mmmhm.” You hummed as your eyes fluttered closed. “Missed you too, Nicky.”

You were absolute putty in his hands, he knew exactly how to work you into whatever he wanted. You were easily pliable to him, and in that moment, he was grateful for it. He placed a soft kiss to your collarbone, then another at the base of your neck. “Missed me how, angel? Tell me.” He whispered, his voice low and crackly.

Your jaw fell slack when he added a third finger but you were so worked up that it hadn’t been that difficult. It still burned but the pleasure he was supplying to your clit was overshadowing any pain.

“Use your words, princess. Let me hear how much you missed me.” He was practically begging you for any morsel you’d give him. He’d never admit it but he was desperate for you too. “Tell me baby, did you touch yourself thinking about me?”

Your head lulled to the side, cascading your hair over your shoulder. “Uh huh.” Was all you could muster.

“Mmm. Like this?” His fingers curled inside you, hitting that sweet spot that was rarely touched by you or anyone else.

You gasped at the feeling in tandem with his thumb on your clit. His fingers pulsed against the soft inner tissue in a rhythm that made your brain numb. It was a spot only he had ever really been able to reach, either with his fingers or his cock. He knew your body better than anyone else ever had and he was good at it.

A smirk played across his lips, evidently satisfied with your response. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

The warning of an orgasm burned in the pit of your tummy, filling it with tingling warmth. It must’ve been all over your face because he caught on quickly. “Oh, what’s wrong? Is my pretty girl going to cum already?” He spoke smoothly up your neck while his fingers increased their speed ever so slightly, just enough to tip you over the edge.

You abruptly grabbed hold of his shoulder, squeezing it with every bit of strength inside you as your orgasm washed over you. The euphoria began just below your navel then spread electricity across your skin. You felt it everywhere, down to your fingers and your toes.

He let out a satisfied chuckle against your throat, “That’s my girl.” He praised and held you as your body began to collapse against him. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

When you were finally spent is when he really came to life.

“Fuck I need to taste you.” He exhaled and as soon as you nodded, he snatched you, holding you with both hands securely below your ass. He was in a frenzy, like a shark that just smelled blood. “I want to taste all of you, every bit of mess you just made.”

He hastily carried you over to the bed across the room in your small apartment. He laid you gently, but impatiently, on the edge of the bed with his lips planted on yours.

You barely had time to miss his lips before his tongue latched onto your clit and his fingers returned to their place inside you. He brought you back down to just two fingers in order to give you a bit of reprieve.

Your mouth immediately created an ‘O’ shape with wide eyes at the skill of his tongue. “O-Oh.”

He ate you hungrily as if he hadn’t had pussy in weeks which historically, when he’s off on tours, was quite the opposite. He gave you no time to get caught up in your thoughts with the way his tongue slithered ‘S’ motions from your clit to your entrance, then taking his time at your throbbing bud. He lapped up every bit of your orgasm, not wanting to leave anything behind. The feeling bloomed a sparking heat from the pit of your core to the rest of your body and you silently cursed him for making you feel so good.

When you glanced down you noticed that while he was bent eating you, his hand had been on his cock – gliding up and down swiftly and in rhythm with his fingers and tongue. You thought that might’ve been the hottest thing you’d ever seen, and you couldn’t keep your eyes off of the way he couldn’t not touch himself while eating you.

You let out a tiny moan at the sensation of his tongue against your swollen clit. But god did he feel good. It had to have been his extensive body count that made him good in bed and while you didn’t like thinking about it, you were surely grateful for it in the moment. His tongue expertly spun around your nub with various patterns. You couldn’t help but wiggle around at the stimulation to which he hooked his arms around your thighs and brought you to the edge of the bed. His knees met the wood floors, his tongue never once wavering. When he pulled your bud into his mouth with a suck you knew you wouldn’t last much longer.

You shook your head, while he felt amazing, you needed more. “I need your cock, Nick, please.” You begged, pathetically.

His lips curled into a smirk against your core, placing a soft kiss at your clit. “Whatever you wish, princess.”

Your heart swelled and your tummy swirled at the name, it was your favorite, and he knew it. You were convinced it was the best sound in the world when it fell from his lips.

He pressed kisses up until your mid torso before pulling away. You whined at the loss of contact, but you knew it was only for something better. You squirmed at the attention and parted your legs even further, wanting more.

“Look at you, all laid out for me.” He cooed, with his eyes wandering across your body trying to choose his favorite part of you. His fingers trailed up your thighs, taking his time to savor your skin. “Okay, now baby, take a deep breath for me, will you?”

You did as he instructed but your breath hitched in your throat as he slid his fingers inside you once more, this time adding a third finger again. It burned a bit, being stretched out that much, but you knew it had to be done in order to take him fully.

“Good girl.” He hummed as he began pumping his fingers in a slow pace. After some time familiarizing you with the span of his fingers, he decided he wanted to take it further. “Actually, can I have you a different way?”

You nodded, too fucked out to deny him of anything.

His hands were rough when he flipped you over onto your stomach. His pointer and ring fingers slid up, spreading your lips open to let the tip of his cock sit at your entrance. He leaned down to just beside the shell of your ear.

“I wanna hear how bad you want it.”

You let out a near guttural groan at the statement. You were clenching around nothing just at his proximity.

“Oh c’mon, I can feel how bad she wants me.”

“Please, please I need your fucking cock.” You begged.

He smirked against your skin, “Good girl.” His hips moved forward, slowly pushing himself into you. You could feel yourself parting around him painfully, even with the prep you did. Your hips stiffened up not quite remembering how to take him. He took his time, carefully moving deeper inside you.

“Now tell me baby,” He hummed, dipping his fingers down between you. His fingertips slid around his girth to feel where you and he became one. You wondered if he could feel the burn that he was causing. “Has anyone else touched this pretty pussy while I’ve been gone?”

The question caught you off guard, quite literally the last thing you ever thought he’d ask you in this situation. Your eyes instinctively wanted to widen but you squeezed them shut instead. Heat bloomed on your cheeks, but you hoped he didn’t notice.

“Oh, c’mon now, be honest.” He teased in a patronizing tone.

You swallowed all the saliva left in your mouth and pressed your lips shut tight. You knew you couldn’t lie to him, especially not in such a vulnerable position. The truth was that you tried any and everything to get him out of your mind - which landed you some vices in your time apart. You and Nick weren’t anything of substance, nothing official. You were sure Nick had to know since it had come up previously and he never seemed phased by it – you knew about his tour hookups, how would this be any different. Regardless, you had no idea why he was even bringing it up and wished he wouldn’t.

He didn’t seem to like your silent pause and halted his movements. “If you don’t answer I’ll stop.” He threatened.

You groaned in frustration and threw your head down into the mattress. “Fine, fine,” You spat out in defeat. “Yes. One.”

“Hmm.” He stretched out the noise to emphasize his disbelief. “I think you’re a poor liar.” His fingers grazed over your clit briefly, just to remind you what you were missing. “Don’t lie to me baby, you won’t like the outcome.”

You sighed, feeling defeated and helpless beneath him. “Two.” It was the honest truth. One of them he knew about, a long-time casual friends with benefits. The other, was a drunken mistake from the bar on a particularly lonely night.

He sheathed himself fully inside you, “Yeah I can tell.” He said in a pointed tone, and it caused your brows to furrow, wondering what exactly he meant by that. “Oh, don’t worry I don’t mean it that way.” His fingers trailed down your side to hook into your hip, pulling you flush against him. “I can tell by the way you’re trying to adjust to me.” His voice was smooth and deep. “Like your body got too comfortable with something less than me.” His hips shifted back just to fall back into you, hitting you right in the spot that made your stomach twist. It was painful but delicious, reminding you exactly why you’d made this mistake with him so many times. “Or is that what you prefer now?”

You shook your head quickly, you didn’t want anything other than him, you never had. As rocky as your relationship had been, Nick was always the one who owned your heart. It never for one second had been held by anyone other than him in the past couple years. It was sad how loyal you were to him when it was obvious that he never felt the same – at least not in a committed way. “No.” You breathed out. “I want you, Nick.” You looked over your shoulder to meet his eyes and they were filled with something that felt almost like jealousy, but you’d never known Nicholas to be jealous. He’d always been very fluid about your connection – always very clear about the openness of your relationship.

“Say it again.” He demanded while his hands held your hips in place as he slammed back into you in one swift move. His tip landed straight into your cervix, causing a jolt of pain up your spine.

“I want you, Nick.” You repeated with a strained voice.

He finally began a slow rhythm in and out of you, almost like a reward for listening to him. He reached forward and grasped your chin to get you to look back at him again. “Again.”

Your brows knitted at his request – it seemed almost cruel for him to have you repeat the obvious. “I want you.” You whispered. Tears began to well up in your eyes and you couldn’t tell if it was from your emotions or from the burn of him stretching you out. He squeezed your cheeks at the sight of your tears, silently asking you again. “I want you.” You squeaked out, trying to keep the tightness in your chest at bay. “I want you, I want you, I want you.” You repeated over and over, now letting tears flow freely down your cheeks. It bloomed an ache in your chest that you never wanted to feel in the middle of sex.

Suddenly, you felt him pull from you completely but before you got a chance to question it, he flipped you over onto your back. You were only vacant of him for a millisecond before he slid back into place between your legs. He hovered over you, his unraveled hair gathered onto one side of his head, brushing against your shoulder. “I don’t want you to ever question that again.”

“I never did.” You admitted embarrassingly quick. “What’s this about?” You questioned, wondering why you were having this conversation while he was still inside you. Though, he was never one to choose an appropriate time to talk about things.

“I missed you.” He repeated his statement from earlier that you were too fucked out to process. His voice was raspy with lust, but genuine. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

You blinked up at him and shook your head, not wanting to get caught up in his empty promises. “Can we just talk about this later?” Although, the moment had already been squandered for you.

“No.” He continued his slow and steady pace while his eyes were set on yours. “I mean it. I want this. I want us.”

Your eyes grew wide in disbelief. You’d never heard him sound so serious about anything, nonetheless about you. “You do?”

“I’ve been an idiot. All I wanted to do was come home to you.” He pressed his forehead against yours. “And the idea of someone else touching you makes me sick. I’m selfish. I want you all to myself. I want you to be mine.”

“I’ve always been yours, Nick.” You whispered with brows curved up in sincerity. Even with flings and vices your heart never beat for anyone else, you could never love another – no matter how stupid it made you look. You were stuck on him whether you liked it or not. You’d always been his even when he wasn’t yours, even when he wanted nothing to do with you.

His grey eyes shifted between your glossy eyes trying to read your honesty. He said nothing more before uniting your lips into the deepest kiss you’d ever felt. Love was a whisper lingering on your tongue, but you knew tonight wasn’t the night for that. Passion quickly spread from your heated kiss to the speed of his hips. His thrusts were fast and hard, though they weren’t fueled by a promise of an orgasm but rather by a need to show you exactly how he felt. Your entire body bounced against his rough repetitions, and it was overwhelming in the best way.

His head fell into your neck, his heavy breaths against your sensitive skin sent tingles across your body. “You’re taking me so well.” He muttered below your ear. His hand found your leg and ran his fingers beneath it, pulling it up from behind your knee and bending it towards you as far as it would allow. The new position spread you out even more and made sure you felt everything – the way the head of his cock embedded itself into your g-spot and the way your walls stretched around him. “Doesn’t that feel good baby, being so full?”

You let out a moan as your eyes rolled back. “Fuck yes.” It was the truth, no one ever filled you like he did.

“Uh-uh.” His hand grasped your cheeks. “Eyes on me.”

The sensations of everything were enough to fill your clit with buzzing need and you gasped when his thumb found it. Your eyes widened as he began rolling small circles into it in time with his quick pace.

“Oh-oh.” You stuttered out pathetically as you felt the knot in your stomach tighten, threatening to snap already.

“Take your time baby, there’s no rush.” He soothed but it only accelerated your already impending orgasm. Your fingers curled into his arms harshly, surely hard enough to leave half-moon imprints into his skin. “Oh, I know, I know.” He comforted.

That’s all it took to unravel you. Tingly warmth spread across your body, making every inch of you feel blissful. It was enough to temporarily blind your vision as you got lost in the immense pleasure that was overtaking your entire being.

“That’s it angel, just like that. I want all of it.” He said softly below your ear, but it was clear with the shakiness of his own voice that he was close too.

His speed became rapid and erratic as he sensed you reaching the height of your peak. “Fuck.” He murmured into your neck as he slammed his hips into yours faster than you could process. “Fuck I’m gonna cum.”   

All you did in response was cross your legs around his waist to pull him in deeper. It didn’t take long for him to meet you in your climax. You felt his cock twitch and pulse inside of you followed by warmth pooling in the deepest part of you.

When the moment was over, Nick took his time, tenderly ensuring you were both clean and comfortable. Aftercare was something he never skipped, but tonight, he seemed especially patient and tender. Once he’d helped you into your favorite pajamas and made a warm cup of tea, he pulled you gently into his side.

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” he said, peering down at you with a sincerity that made your heart ache.

You gave him a small knowing nod, too spent to say more. Curled against his side, a quiet apprehension settled over you, memories of past mistakes lingered softly at the edges of your mind. He was the last person you should trust, but your heart couldn’t summon the strength to turn him away. So, you chose to believe in him once more, silently hoping this time would be different and that his words were true. As he held you tighter than ever, your choice felt right. Finally, he was yours, and you were his.

A/N; thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts<3

Taglist; @measuredingold @ladyveronikawrites @deathblacksmoke @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning

[kaliforniahigh]

Ruffilo being fluffy and just braiding your hair after taking a shower after a rough day of work and him just being gentle with you and just being so caring

After taking your shower, he helped you with your skincare routine.

Spreading moisturizer on your face, and your under eye cream with gentle fingers.

After this, he let you brush your teeth, going to the bedroom to get your bed ready and pillows fluffled.

When you walked through the door, all warm and clean, he was waiting for you with a hair tie around his wrist, sitting on the bed, patting the spot in front of him. You already knew what he wanted.

You sat down with your back to him for him to braid your hair.

This was kind of a ritual between you whenever you had a rough day.

He knew you always wore your hair braided to bed, and he was happy to do it for you.

After, he would always give you a neck massage and plant a few soft kisses on your neck. Your eyes already softly closing and tiredness taking over you.

[foliosriot]

YOU’D BE BETTER OFF ON YOUR OWN ♱ PART TWO

nicholas ruffilo x reader

WARNINGS!!

mentions of alcohol and its consumption. some gaslighting and manipulation. dakota being a fucking dick. bad omens being the best friends you could ever ask for.

TAGS!!

@concretenoah @malice-ov-mercy @circle-with-me @somewhere-diamond @iknownothingpeople

masterlist. ybbooyo masterlist.

God, this was such a bad idea. You knew it was an awful idea the moment Nick suggested it, the moment he had spoken it into existence. But alas, here you are, and you’re nowhere near prepared.

It was two days after you caught Dakota cheating when he finally came back around. You almost hadn’t let him into your apartment, but, remembering the look in Nick’s eyes when you had admitted to him how badly you needed to break up with your boyfriend, you found the strength to choke back the bitter taste in your mouth at Dakota’s presence.

But you’d allowed him entry and listened to his half-assed apology anyways. You hadn’t forgiven him or anything close in relation to the word. Instead, you had told him you appreciated the apology but you needed a few more days to yourself. You saw the grimace of anger all over Dakota’s face for just a moment before he accepted.

That night, he left you with a kiss to the cheek and a sickening feeling in your stomach.

Now, here you are, four days later. You’re at a bar with Nick and the rest of Bad Omens, plus Bryan, Matt, and Jesse. You had decided today was the day you are finally ending things with Dakota. Nick stated how proud he is of you and had been more than willing to gather the guys in support of this endeavor.

However, you had made sure to confirm Dakota’s attendance before even mentioning it to Nick. And thankfully you were able to get Dakota to agree to come, despite how much he dislikes your friends.

And that’s all you’re waiting for now.

You’re anxiously watching the guys switch off in a game of pool as you keep one eye on the front entrance of the bar. Dakota should be here by now. What is taking your boyfriend so long? Well, soon to be ex-boyfriend, that is.

As you glance back over to the door for the thousandth time, you’re suddenly thankful that the bar is relatively busy tonight. That way, Dakota will be less likely to cause a scene when you inevitably break up with him.

“Hey.”

You swivel your head to see Nick standing on the other side of the table you had claimed at the beginning of the night. He’s pulled his long hair up into a bun, and his skin a warm bronze in the lowlight of the bar. You make a mental note that he’s taken off his flannel and tied it around his waist since playing pool, which leaves his tattoos on full display. And you hate how momentarily speechless you are by his appearance.

“Oh. Hey.”

“You okay?” he asks.

You nod, swallowing thickly. “Yeah. I’m fine,” you lie. “Just watching for Dakota.”

Nick looks at the door, his eyes lingering in its direction for a few moments before he’s looking back at you.

“He’ll be here,” he assures you. “In the meantime, come play a round with us. Get rid of some of your anxiety.”

You roll your eyes, and take a not-so subtle final glance at the bar door as you consider his words. Then you’re pushing yourself out of your chair and standing in front of Nick. The lights reflecting in his eyes almost look like stars when you’re face to face with him, and it has the breath catching in your throat.

To set aside the unexpected fluttering in your chest you shove at Nick’s shoulder to get him to move. He stumbles a bit but not without smiling widely at you. You smile back at him as you follow him to the pool table.

Jolly and Bryan holler happily as you approach. Jesse comes up next to you, pushing Nick out of his way, and gives you an extra glass that he had in his grasp. You take it with a smile as he throws his arm over your shoulders. He clinks the two glasses together before downing the contents of his drink, you following suit.

You almost gag at the taste of tequila. Jesse knows how much you hate tequila. But you can’t find it in yourself to be mad at him, especially with that contagious smile on his face and the warmth in his eyes as he looks over at you. You sigh slightly as you smile at him.

Then he’s pulling you into a hug, both arms wrapped securely around you as he sways back and forth.

“You’ve got this,” he says in your ear. “We’re all rootin’ for ya.”

And you’d be lying if you said you didn’t almost break down in tears at your friend’s words. You take a deep breath, breathing in Jesse’s cologne, and murmur a thank you before pulling away. He’s still smiling as he takes your empty glass and walks away.

When Jesse steps away Folio rounds the pool table and shoves one of the cues into your hands.

“You’re up,” he tells you plainly. “Noah and Matt are winning and you know we can’t have that, so get your ass in there and win this shit for us.”

You roll your eyes. “And what makes you think I’ll win against them?” you question him while chalking up the cue.

“Dude, I don’t know, you tell me.”

“Wow, your faith in me is truly unwavering.”

“Just fucking go!” Folio pushes you closer to the table, snatching the chalk from you. “We’re stripes so don’t fuck this up.”

Throwing your middle finger up at him, you finally turn back to the green felt top. And with just a cursory glance you assume there to be about three or four of each type of ball, then the eight and the white. So you walk over to where the white ball sits and angle the cue just so in order to strike the yellow stripe that, if you hit it just right, will fly into the adjacent pocket.

You line up your shot. You draw in a long intake of breath and…

The loud clacking of the pool balls echoes in your skull as you stand up straight. And see, just as you had predicted, the yellow stripe is sliding into the pocket right next to Bryan.

Your friends all clap at your victory. An embarrassed blush heats up your face at their attention, so you give a quick mock curtsey before you’re giving the cue back to Folio and stepping towards Nick.

And Nick is watching you closely as you walk up beside him. He’s leaning against the wall, a small smile gracing his face. His stormy eyes look nearly black.

“Good job, honeybee,” he praises you.

“Thank you,” you murmur. You prop yourself beside him at the wall. “I think that shot of tequila Jesse gave me was truly the thing I needed.”

Nick bumps your shoulder with his. “A little bit of liquid courage never hurt, right?”

You look over at Nick to see him staring intently at you. For a few moments, you trace the lines and structure of his face with your eyes, committing each feature to memory. But you know him like the back of your hand, so why is it necessary for you to memorize this all over again? You don’t care, though. You can feel the tequila softly buzzing in your stomach, the sensation both warm and nauseating as you keep your eyes on Nick.

Your lips part slightly as you’re readying to say something, but the words die on your tongue when you see Nick’s gaze quickly dart down to your mouth. He lingers there for one second, two, three—

A hint of movement catches your attention from the corner of your eye. You turn your head to look that way, and your heart squeezes at the sight of Dakota entering the bar. You stop breathing as you watch him look around before catching sight of you on the opposite end of the building. He starts making his way towards you.

“N-Nick, he’s here,” you whisper. You look back at Nick to see him already following Dakota’s movements. His eyes are cold and swirling with malice. “Nicky—“

“I see him.”

Nick’s tone is flat when he speaks. He slips his hand into yours without looking away from Dakota. He gives a gentle squeeze, and you’re suddenly dizzy.

And just like that, Dakota is finally here, only a few feet away from you and Nick. His eyes drag across all of your friends before stopping on you. And where you’re still holding hands with your best friend. The sight makes Dakota snort.

“Come on, man, holding hands with my girl the moment I show up?” Dakota tsks at Nick. “That’s pretty bold, don’t you think?”

Nick says nothing. You can feel the tension growing between him and Dakota, and you know you need to stamp it out before either of them make a move.

You release your hand from Nick’s grip, then hesitantly approach your boyfriend. The rest of your friends have paused their game and are all watching Dakota closely and carefully, waiting for him to step out of line. And just by looking at him you can’t tell if he’s intimidated by their presence or not. His face is vacant of all emotion and his eyes look hollow.

With a light hand on his arm, you guide Dakota over to the table you had previously been sitting at. You both take a seat, and you chance a look over at Nick, hoping to feel a little surer in this moment.

And there he is, watching from his spot against the wall, hidden at Dakota’s back so he won’t be seen.

You give him a tiny smile before you’re turning your attention to the man sitting across from you at the circular wooden table.

“What are you doing, inviting me here?” Dakota asks bitterly before you have a chance to speak. “If you wanted to hang out we coulda stayed at your place or something.”

His words feel harsh as you process them. It’s almost painful to witness, the way he seems so bored and angry simultaneously. But you try not to let any of it bother you.

“I wanted to be with my other friends too,” you explain simply. “My apartment is too small to fit all of us.”

Dakota considers your response for just a moment before he shrugs. Then he’s fixing his dull eyes on you, and your anxiety is spiking from the way he’s looking at you. You’re growing more and more uncomfortable by the second, and you need to get this over and done with.

“Dakota, look, I-I invited you tonight because…”

You trail off as you anxiously look around the room. That is, until you find yourself staring at Nick from where he’s still leaning against the wall. But he isn’t watching you at this very moment. Instead, you watch as he laughs and smiles at something one of the guys must have said. The warmth that radiates from him calms you down enough to get through this.

“I invited you because I have something I wanted to tell you.”

There’s a flash of panic in Dakota’s eyes, but it quickly vanishes when he gazes at you expectantly.

Deep breath in.

And out.

“I’m breaking up with you.”

Dakota doesn’t react at first. You feel your heart pounding inside your chest, beating faster and faster as the silence between you stretches on. You look back over at your friends and see Nick still isn’t watching your interaction with Dakota. At least not until Jolly catches your eye and immediately alerts Nick, who whips around. Your friends all gather to watch Dakota’s reaction.

“You’re breaking up with me?”

Dakota’s voice is dangerously low. It has your racing heart skyrocket into your throat, and you wish you could just shrink and disappear.

You gnaw on your lip before saying in a quiet tone, “Uh, y-yeah. I’m breaking up with you.”

His following laugh sends a leaden spike through your chest. It’s nauseating to hear that bitter and awful laugh resonate in your ears, even though you’ve heard it countless times throughout the years. But it still has you reacting the same: curling in on yourself as you fight back the impending doom of tears.

“God, you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Dakota chortles, a sinister grin on his face. “Is this because of the texts you saw? The texts you took out of context? Jesus, babe, I told you I was sorry, didn’t I? It’s pathetic for you to act like this after I apologized.”

Your eyes are burning with unshed tears.

You don’t respond.

He laughs again.

“I told you I’m sorry,” he continues. “And you still have the audacity to break up with me. How long have we been together, by the way? This has never happened before and yet you want to end things between us when you know I love you. I’ve been by your side since high school but you think a couple of texts will be the deciding factor—“

Yeah, this was an awful idea, you think to yourself as you tune out Dakota’s voice. This was such a bad idea.

A few tears have fallen since he started talking. Each word is laced with venom and manipulation and you can practically hear your heart giving in to the gaslighting you have suffered from for so long. Tonight could not have gone any worse.

But then there’s someone stepping in between yours and Dakota’s chairs. You blink away your tears and look up to see Nick standing there. Relief begins filtering into your veins at his sudden intervention. And you can’t help but inch closer to him.

“Alright, that’s enough. You need to leave,” Nick says to Dakota.

“Leave? Nah, I’m not going anywhere until my girlfriend is coming home with me,” Dakota counters as he stands from his own chair.

“Did you miss the part where she dumped you?” Nick fires back.

Dakota scoffs. “She didn’t mean that. Did you, babe?”

You cringe at the pet name, the sound of it rolling off of Dakota’s tongue like gravel against your senses. And yet, part of you wants to acknowledge and agree with him. Because surely you didn’t really mean what you said about breaking up with him. Right?

But you did. You truly, wholeheartedly meant it.

You stay quiet.

“I think she meant it, man,” Nick says. He reaches behind until his hand collides with your head, and he blindly cradles the back of your skull. “Which means you need to leave before you cause a scene.”

“I said I’m not leaving without her,” Dakota spits. His voice is rising in volume, and, looking around Nick, you see all of your friends have abandoned the pool game completely and are watching this play out. They all look royally pissed off. “So why don’t you step aside and let me take her home, and we won’t cause a fucking scene.”

“No. She’s not going anywhere with you.”

Dakota takes a half step closer to Nick. However, you also watch as Noah and Matt move in a little closer as well.

“Yeah? Then why doesn’t she tell me herself, dick?”

You don’t like how Dakota is talking to Nick. The anger and resentment you have felt for so long is finally all bubbling to the surface. You can’t take the berating and obvious jealousy that is permeating from Dakota. So you get to your feet from behind Nick, thus catching the eyes of all involved parties. You straighten your spine as you press yourself into Nick. His hand slides down to the small of your back.

“I’m not going anywhere with you ever again, Dakota,” you state, swallowing back the tears stinging your eyes and throat. “I meant what I said. We’re done.”

Dakota’s face contorts with rage. He makes a move towards Nick but Noah and Matt are already right behind him. You see him glare at Nick for a few prolonged seconds before he’s turning his fiery gaze onto you.

Dakota doesn’t stay much longer after that. With the presence of Noah and Matt looming over him he finally backs away. But he doesn’t leave without at least one more attempt at a scathing remark.

“Fuck you, bitch,” he barks at you. “You just wanted me gone so you’d have an excuse to fuck these assholes, huh? Well, don’t come crying back to me when they can’t satisfy you like you know only I can.”

Nick is the one to make a move forward then, and he only stops when you tug on his arm with both of your hands. His face is a steel canvas of rage as he stares down Dakota. Thankfully, Noah is the one to say something before anyone could throw a punch.

“Get the fuck out of here, dude,” he tells Dakota. “This is just getting pathetic.”

Dakota looks somewhat taken aback by Noah’s words, but he does listen. He takes one more look at all of your friends, spits on the floor, and stomps out of the bar.

Once Dakota has disappeared beyond the entrance to the bar, it’s almost like your heart gives out. The once rampant beating of the muscle is suddenly sluggish and near non-existent as you finally begin shaking from beside Nick. Tears are now steadily streaming down your cheeks and your lungs feel shriveled from inside the confines of your chest. At the quiet sound of you wheezing Nick turns to you.

Your vision is blurry from tears but you feel the warmth of Nick’s hands cradling either side of your face. His thumbs swipe gently at your cheekbones, your own hands clutching at his wrists.

“Honeybee.” Nick’s breath ghosts over your face. “Hey, I need you to look at me.”

It’s a struggle at first but you’re able to blink away the tears clinging to your eyelashes so you can look at your best friend. And there he is, his pale eyes staring back at you with a glaze of worry covering them.

“Oh, there she is,” he says softly. “How are you feeling? You okay?”

You blink a couple more times before you respond.

“I-I’m okay,” you tell him honestly.

“You sure?”

You nod. “Yeah. It’s just … a lot to process at the moment,” you say with a halfhearted chuckle.

Nick huffs out a laugh. His breath is tickling your chin and that dizzying feeling from earlier is settling in again. You feel as light as a feather as you stare back at Nick; your head is spinning, but not in a bad way you suppose. It’s just different.

The two of you remain in silence for a bit longer. You can tell that you’ve finished crying for the time being, and you hardly think about how much of a mess you must look to the bar’s other patrons. There’s little time to think when Nick is still stroking your face with a delicate touch and successfully distracting you from any other disruption.

You’re sure he could feel this weight lifting off of your shoulders.

You lean forward to rest your forehead against Nick’s. At the contact you hear him sigh quietly. You’re still shaking as you remain in that position for a bit longer.

But your heart is suddenly racing again and you don’t understand why. And Nick’s hands are burning your flesh like brands with the way he is holding your face so delicately. You can feel a panic attack approaching for no apparent reason, but the tequila in your digestive tract feels warm and bubbly and distracts you from the panic and anxiety you’re experiencing.

Now, you think you may be slightly delirious. Especially with the way you can’t seem to tear your eyes away from Nick’s lips and the way they’re open partially as he relishes in the quiet between you. But you are going to let yourself indulge in the delirium for a moment more.

With your thumbs grazing his pulse point at his wrists, you lean further into Nick. You see his eyes fly open when you are but a fraction of an inch away from connecting your mouths. His breath is scalding hot.

If either of you spoke your lips would meet, and that prospect has the delirium making your head hazy. And you don’t see the harm in it as you close the minute distance.

Nick doesn’t react right away. But then you’re pressing your body into his and your hands are journeying down to his elbows and he just can’t help himself.

You weren’t expecting this ravenous side of your best friend, but you can’t deny you like it. Because god, you fucking love the sensation of his lips against yours and the way his grip on your face tightens. You love the graze of his stubble rubbing into your chin and how addictive the taste of him is.

But then, as fast as it started, it’s ending. Nick pulls away from you very slowly, his breathing heavy.

“Honeybee, I…”

You impatiently wait for him to go on.

“I don’t think we should do this right now,” he finally tells you with a reverent voice. Like you’re the only two people in this entire bar.

“Why?” you counter just as softly.

“It’s not a good idea.”

“But Nicky—“

“No. As much—“ Tears are pricking your eyes once more at the sudden hardening of Nick’s voice, though it remains quiet. “As much as I want to, we can’t, okay? At least not right now. I’m not gonna take advantage of you like that.”

Your heart is shattering for the second time in the span of an hour. You didn’t think any form of rejection from Nick would hurt so bad. But you’re suffering more than you would have ever anticipated.

“Honeybee, please,” Nick continues. The hardness has left his voice, and has been replaced by something akin to pleading. “I need you to understand that I want to keep doing this. I want to fix everything that Dakota broke. But you need time to heal and time to recover from what he did to you. I’ll help you in whatever ways I can, but not like this. Not yet. Okay?”

A few tears escape your eyes. And Nick immediately wipes them away.

You feel awful. Why did you kiss him? Why did you kiss your best friend right after breaking up with your long term boyfriend? That was the worst possible thing you could have done.

But you wanted to. You can’t get over just how badly you had wanted to do so. It was so visceral and so overwhelming, you had needed to act on it.

And yet, you know Nick is right. You can’t do this right now. You need to heal and fix what is damaged because of Dakota. There is much to do after so many years of being with him, but you know Nick is always going to be there for you no matter what. The thought has a wave of relief overtaking you.

“Okay,” you whisper.

“Okay. Let’s get you home now.”

So you let Nick take you home. But not before each and every one of your friends embraces you in individual hugs and showering you with praise on how brave and strong you are for leaving Dakota. Their words fill your heart with love and gratitude.

You settle into the passenger seat of Nick’s car and watch the scenery pass by through the window. Your eyes flutter shut at some point, exhaustion creeping in after such a harrowing evening.

Then, some time later, you wake up to find yourself curled up in bed. Your bedroom door is ajar, and there’s light and sound coming from the living room. You don’t have to guess in order to know who’s in your apartment with you. A soft smile graces your face.

You’re able to turn over and go back to sleep with the reminder of Nick watching over and protecting you.

thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed! likes and reblogs are very much appreciated <3

♱ foliosriot 2023

[cookiesupplier]

Catch You When You Fall - Part Eight

pairing: Nicholas Ruffilo & ofc (Catherine)

warnings/tropes: slow burn, angst, murder, mystery, smut, mentions of speciesism, mentions of violence, trauma, mental health, depression, anxiety, sleep terrors, loss of appetite, (potentially more to come)

summary: A new soul has arrived in the Afterlife. While she appears to adjust just like anyone else might in the new environment of the world of life after death, despite the ordeal she experienced with her death. The question is has she really, and can Nicholas help her without crossing lines that he knows he shouldn't?

Authors Note: Unbeta'd, here we go!

To find the others in the Hell AU Universe: Combined Hell-Verse Masterlist

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tags: @missduffsblog @tearfallpixie @spicywhenspeaking @sorrowsofsilence @wild-child-7747

@lacktoesandtoddlerants @blackveilomens @valiantroeagleangel @bngurngheart @collapsedglasshouses

@miamore0570 @emmmm127 @sunsshinesunny @dominuslunae @xxkittenkissesxx

@philomenie @dontdiganothergravetoday @anameunmusical

Nicholas was at a loss, he had a caught Cat in his arms, as she stumbled, thinking she had just entirely passed out, only to have her eyes, wide and glassy blinking up at him, maybe she was just woozy? He swallowed as he looked down at her, the way her expression was in a state of shock seeing him out of nowhere, Nicholas could almost imagine what might be going through her head. Either this was a dream, or she could have somehow died and passed through the doors all over again, he’d been there, the question had been asked by souls in the past with surreal moments after they first arrived. Strands of his long dark hair that had escaped where he’d tied it back into a bun at the back of his head had fallen around his face. They brushed along her cheeks before he was helping her stand back up to her feet.

“Are you alright? You almost took quite the fall just then.”

Watching her carefully, even as she stood up, he noticed as she did, she reached out for the railing on her balcony, to grasp it for support, keeping her balance. Was she swaying a little?

“I, I’m fine, I think I just need to sit down a lit-”

Nick frowned in concern a little down a little at her.

“When did you last eat?”

Glancing at his watch, okay, so it was starting to get a bit later in the day, and maybe he would be heading home, and starting to think about dinner soon himself. But seeing her almost pass out like that, it felt a bit off to him. Not to mention her eyes being all glassy right now, honestly he didn’t quite know what it might mean, if it meant anything at all, she could just be tired after starting her job the past two days. Either way, he worried about whatever had caused the effect, and wanted to make sure she was okay before he left her here on her own. It would be different if he knew she had someone staying with her, but she didn’t. That was a thought though, a roommate situation, or even just a buddy program for the newly acquainted to Hell, but roommates would be most useful. Especially in this situation. Just someone checking in on her, who knows how long it would have taken for them to figure out how long it would have taken to realise she had passed out. Some would say it was also the point of Bryce, but he had piles of cases on his books, Nicholas knew that personally, at least, he should, though, plenty of Nicholas’ were actually ones in punishment. Not all of them were viable souls living in Hell. 

Nicholas, what was Nicholas doing here. One moment, Cat was moving to head back inside of her apartment because she was starting to feel dizzy, and the next she had his warm, soft but firm arms around her. Swallowing as his eyes, piercing blue eyes as they stared into hers, she was dazed, and she felt sick, she knew why, not that she wanted to admit it when he asked her when she’d last eaten. It was all she could do not to groan. Just his voice, no matter how soft, and gentle he sounded, there was a commanding quality to it, that promised trouble if she dared lie to him, and yet, what could he do to her really? 

“I had something this afternoon, when I got home, after work.”

She had, technically, she had the coffee, never mind that most would say that wasn’t technically eating anything, but she had had something at least. Bending the truth a little, not out right breaking it though at least, there was that, her mother hated it when people lied. The thought of upsetting her mother, even if she was not here, she was glad her mother was not here. That dark feeling in the pit of her stomach churned at the thought of her mother being here sooner than she should. Cat shouldn’t be here. She wanted to sob, Cat shouldn’t be here. Swallowing, she took in a deep breath. Blinking back the sting in her eyes as she thought about how she came to be here at all. 

“I just, I just need to, need to sit down, maybe I was outside in the sun too long, a rest could help. At least I hope so.”

She knew what would really help, and he was probably right, food, but admitting to that when he was right there, would just be admitting that she likely lied, and she didn’t want to do that. Cat also didn’t want to think about how he had just appeared out of nowhere as he seemed determined to help her inside, his hand so soft, so gentle on her arm, holding her. She presumed to make sure she didn’t fall again.

As she stepped back inside of her apartment, making her way to her sitting area, Nicholas walked with her to her couch, and she moved to sit down with a sigh, just letting herself relax. It would be a bold faced lie to say she didn���t feel a bit weak and dizzy. Without even realising that he had moved, a moment later, something was being pressed into her hand, a cool glass of water. He’d disappeared into her kitchen to get her a glass of water… and she hadn’t even noticed?

“Drink, and we’ll order you something for dinner, you need to eat.”

She’d been about to lift the glass to her lips when she baulked at his soft voice, not wanting to, as much as intended to eat, controlling her own dinner, her own food, that was different.

“No, I have already planned some-”

“You need to eat something, and I’m sorry, as much as you might want to I don’t think you are up to cooking, I’ll order you something, unless you have a preference?”

Staring up at him, the way his voice washed over her, as kind and soothing as he sounded, there was a no-nonsense quality to it that made her want to shrink in her seat,

“I, um, could we get Chinese, noodles, please? They… They are my favourite.”

Her father’s favourite, actually, and they reminded her of him. Seeing the way his eyes glanced up from his phone before he dialled a number he seemed to already know by heart and press it to his ear, starting to order familiar dishes from a Chinese restaurant, and Cat sighed. Enough for two, from the sounds of it, he wasn’t going to leave her, whether because she tried to fight him, or because she’d had her spill. He had invited himself over for dinner. What had she gotten herself into?

Nicholas knew he was digging himself in deeper by each passing moment. Now he was waiting for dinner to arrive, dinner that he’d insisted on ordering. He shouldn’t be here, but he couldn’t just leave her here, on her own, maybe he could call Ellie, see if she would be willing to come stay with her, or Ishtar? However, as he moved to sit across from her in the armchair across from her three seater couch in her living area, he didn’t. He knew he probably should, give him reason to head home, and keep space between them, but he didn’t. There was just something about her, and walking away and leaving her in the hands of someone else, even someone he trusted, felt just as bad, as leaving her alone. 

Then again, it wasn’t about feeling bad, he didn’t think.

He just wanted to be here to make sure she was okay, was that so bad?

Yes, Nicholas it was bad, it was terrible. Dammit, no, no, he was fine, it was just dinner, it was just making sure she ate. He was just passing by, and she had a spell, and he was doing his do diligence, and he’d report it to Bryce tomorrow and make sure everything was above board and fine. No one could be sanctioned, not Bryce, and not himself.

“Have you known Ishtar and Ellie long?”

Smiling slightly, small talk time, slightly,

“Somewhat, yes, I was Ellie’s caseworker when she arrived here.”

Seeing the look that crossed her face,

“Like Bryce, I looked after her case and made sure she had her job, her apartment, though Jolly and Folio took care of showing her around for me a lot, cheeky that they are, they’re good friends of mine. Ishtar, I’ve gotten to know more since she started dating Folio.. Who, well, his name is actually Nick, but we call him Folio so it’s less confusing for everyone that way.”

When that made her chuckle slightly, Nicholas couldn’t help but smile a bit more, it was good to hear that, it was nice. She seemed a little bit off kilter the whole time, wary of him, and he wasn’t surprised. Cat didn’t know him, only meeting him yesterday, he turned up here and inviting himself in, even if to help her, but then staying for dinner, it was a lot. He might have a purpose, but he knew it was a lot. A part of him wondered if there wasn’t more to it, if, she wasn’t worried about something else, and that bothered him some. 

How much was Bryce paying attention? Had he checked in on her since she started work yesterday morning? Sure, it was only two days, but he would have checked in on Ellie after one day if he hadn’t seen her that very first night at the bar. Yes, he was aware that had been a part of the problem, being too involved, but it had still worked out. Ellie was fine in the end, but he still felt like something was off was Cat, and he just hoped Bryce was not brushing her off.

“Were you Folio’s caseworker too?”

Shaking his head,

“No, and I wasn’t Jolly’s either, Jolly does however work with Folio and Ellie..”

The way she was nodding, he realised Ellie must have mentioned him, at least his name, or Folio, either of them could have, she’d met both.

“I met Folio, through, my adopted brother, Noah, after Folio got his job in the arrival's office with Jolly a long time ago, long before Ellie came to Hell. Ellie and Noah are bonded, much like Folio and Ishtar. Noah is, well, you’ll know him when you meet him, he comes with a,”

Nicholas hummed as he considered the worded to use.

“Well, an entourage. Ellie likes to refer to them as his shadows, so to speak. It's rather ridiculous. You’d think now that he has a bonded that they’d leave him alone, but no, they still follow him around, like being a demon lord has a point.”

Watching Cat’s eyes go wide, oh he shouldn’t have said that part,

“There’s demon lords?”

“Yes, it just means he’s high up in his level of Hell, I promise you, it's not as special as it sounds. It’s actually a whole hell of a lot of work, that only sounds like it is all kinds of fancy and wonderful. It’s really not. Just a great big headache, trust me.”

Cat frowned the way he said that. It sounded like he was speaking from actual experience, not that he was talking about Noah, but that he was talking about himself. Oh, she turned her head when she heard the doorbell, dinner. Their food had arrived. However, when she went to stand to get up so she could answer the door, she got a bit too dizzy for a moment and struggled, whether Nicholas noticed or not, he reached out to stop her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it.”

She swallowed, looking over at him as she collapsed back into her seat, feeling the darkness in the pit of her stomach twist. The hand around her throat tighten again, she couldn’t breathe before Nicholas was standing up and walk towards the door. What, what was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she do the most simple thing? Stand up and walk to the door, it wasn’t that hard. She wasn’t that weak. She wasn’t that tired. She was fine, she was fine. It wasn’t that she wasn’t eating, she’d missed a meal before. Cat had missed breakfast, sure, but it was nothing. She’d done the forty-hour famine, she had a coffee, it kept her going, she was fine, why couldn’t she even stand up without any trouble right then?

Swallowing as Nicholas sat across from her again, setting the bag of food for their dinner on the table, smiling warmly to him, banishing the thought from her mind, not wanting him to know the self-doubt. He didn’t need to know all of that. That was the last thing she needed, a new friend to find out how much was going on inside of her head. She could figure it out, she could, everything was just, a little bit chaotic, all she needed was time to breathe. Surely that was it.

[concreteburialplot]

VIRALITY // 12

12 - Liar, Liar*

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x fem!oc [vallie]

more: chp 11 // masterlist | crossposted: ao3 | word count: 14.7k (strap in)

Summary: Following Noah and Vallie's thrift shop adventure, Vallie faces the consequences of her actions. After the launch of their new music video, Vallie realizes she might not like what she wished for. A pivotal decision reshapes the group's dynamics, leading to a significant change in the connection between a specific pair.

warnings: alcohol, bratty noah, smoking, heartache, yearning, regret, jealousy, unprotected sex, cream pie x2, oral (f receiving), cum eating kinda?, angry nick but also soft nick???, fluffy???, she's just a girl ok, mediocre writing lol, sorry this has taken 500 years, my apology is that it's long as fuck, 18+ MDNI

Disclaimer - This story is AU since it does not follow actual timelines or events. The band here is still fairly small & does things entirely on their own with no other support.

Reminder; Minor band crossovers (greta van fleet / chase atlantic) to supply side characters :)

don't like it don't read it. don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

VALLIE

When Noah and I walk up the gravelly incline to the warehouse, the rest of the band and Bryan are all on their phones lounging on different surfaces - chairs with feet propped on tables, against the brick wall, spread out on the floor. Boredom was an understatement. 

“Well, took you guys long enough.” Grumbles Jolly. “What did you get lost picking out scarves?”

My heart skips a beat at the coincidental wording. “Sorry, we really had to dig to find anything.” I mumble quickly, throwing the plastic shopping bags on the ground.

“Well, did you find anything good?” Jolly asks.

“Oh, we found something good alright.” Noah replies, shoving his hand into a plastic bag to retrieve the cursed fedora.

I roll my eyes and playfully smack his arm, “Shut up.”

“No.” He says matter-of-factly, with a popped hip and a hand on his waist. “It’s your fault, you put it on my head.”

“Yeah whatever.” I laugh and wave off his silliness.

I suddenly feel all eyes in the room on us accompanied by an awkward stillness. Of course they’d be thrown off, we could barely be in a room together before we left, why wouldn’t this be strange?

I glance up for a split second before digging into the bags and find Nicholas’ eyes watching us intently. His brows low and eyes sharp.

In my tummy swirls a feeling so closely reminiscent of guilt, similar to when I was with Kras last night. But neither make any sense. Nicholas and I aren’t anything, it shouldn’t matter. Kras and I are just friends. And Noah and I definitely are not anything. And yet, here he is looking angry and here I am feeling guilty.

After handing out the thrifted clothes and a wardrobe change, the boys come out in their new clothes, and they look perfect. The pieces we chose embody each one of them flawlessly. They fit the direction Noah wants for the music video but they’re rather simple. Folio’s is the most basic in a plain black shirt, black jeans, and his sneakers. Jolly’s is a black long sleeve button down, tight black pants paired with his hefty combat boots. Noah’s outfit was centered around the black peacoat we found as the statement piece with a black turtleneck beneath it, black pants and boots. We even picked up something for Bryan even though he was staying behind the camera - he got a vintage Kodak t-shirt, which he thought was “rad as hell”. 

Since I showed up in last night’s sweats, I figured I’d pick up an outfit as well. I found a grey sundress. It’s something I would normally only wear in casual settings, but I wanted to be comfy and it was the only halfway cute thing in the thrift shop.

The outfit I picked out for Nicholas was the best one, but I may be biased. It’s a thin black sweater with thumb holes atop a black turtleneck paired with baggy, strappy pants and finished off with black leather combat boots.

With the new uniforms, the band and crew seem to have a reinvigorated morale. It did exactly what I needed it to do, it gave them the spark they needed to bring the music video to life. 

We spend our time running the song over and over while Bryan gets shots from all angles. I got some content for posting and even posed the boys for some social media trends, which they all hated except Folio, and Bryan in the background. Since I was done gathering content, I sat at the plastic picnic table on the far side of the warehouse diagonal from the makeshift stage while they continued to shoot slightly different variations.

I plug my phone and camera into my Macbook to import the photos and videos I took to begin editing them and schedule them for posting.

“Vallie.” I hear a voice call amongst mumbling between a take.

I snap up to match the voice to the source: Noah.

“What’s up?” I respond, half expecting to be met with some sort of criticism or snarky remark.

“Were you paying attention to this last take?” He questions, but not in an accusatory way that I’d normally anticipate, just genuine curiosity.

“A little, why?”

“What did you think of the intro?”

A hush blankets the room and the rest of them look between us as if they’d seen a ghost. I’m glad we’re finally kind of getting along but I wish he wouldn’t make it so obvious. Especially in front of Nicholas. The odd feeling in the room dances a chill up my arms leaving goosebumps behind.

“Oh um, I liked it? It was cool.” Truthfully, I’m not sure that I did like it, but I just wanted to move on from being in the spotlight.

He gives me a wide, genuine grin like a kid in the middle of a playground, “Sick, I thought so too.”

I glance over at Bryan, who is slowly but surely becoming my lifeline in these situations. He offers a ‘I don’t know either but just roll with it?’ look with a brow wiggle and a barely noticeable shrug.

Mid-shoot everyone needed some sort of touch up. I somehow had my job description expanded to include wardrobe and makeup.

The one I dreaded the most was Nicholas.

I walk over to him, mute, focusing my eyes straight forward which for me happens to be his chest. I keep my gaze away from his eyes as I fix the collar of his cardigan.

He too keeps his focus off of me.

“Sorry I acted like an ass earlier.” He says sounding partially sincere, partially grumpy. “It was out of line, and I’m sorry.”

I clear my throat. An apology was the last thing I expected and the last thing I deserve. “It’s okay.”

A quiet pause fills the small space between us.

“So, you’re seeing someone?” He questions casually but I can tell it’s anything but casual.

I press my lips together contemplating if I really want to commit this hard to the ruse. But Kras is right, and my gut is right. No matter how much I want to stay entangled with him, it can’t continue. I don’t know how well this action plan is going to work, but I have to try.

“Yes.” I lie with fake confidence. “Kind of.”

He takes a moment to process my response which makes me question how good of a job I did with lying. Finally, he nods, his eyes still locked on something past the opening of the warehouse.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.” I sweeten the lie.

“I guess that’s a good thing then, you know, for our jobs and all.” His voice light, as if he’s purposefully making it seem more nonchalant than it is. I know I hurt him, I can hear it in his voice. Whether it was his heart or his ego that I hurt, I’m not sure but all I know is that we went too far. “It just would’ve been nice to know.”

The painful twist in my chest confirms that I made the right decision to stick to the plan. I'm already so invested in him that it hurts; I can’t imagine how much worse it would be if I let myself fall any deeper.

I swallow the very faint lump in my throat and flatten out the thin material resting on his chest. Spending another night with him was a bigger mistake than I realized because just the warmth of him beneath my fingertips makes me want to melt right into him. I wish I didn’t know what he felt like, what he sounded like, what he tasted like. Suddenly I want to take everything back. I want to unkiss him, unfuck him, unknow him. In the span of knowing them and being on their team, I’ve regretted it about 75% of the time but there, standing in front of him, it is a solid 110%.

I wish I had just heard them on the radio and found myself at a show, 

or met them in passing during industry events,

or maybe bumped into him in a coffee shop where he suggests his favorite latte,

or literally any other scenario that would grant me the luxury of just reaching up and kissing him without feeling confliction or guilt. 

The reality of the whole situation hits me all at once and my entire mood shifts abruptly, in a way I’ve never let happen while I work. I’m normally exceptionally skilled in the art of separating my emotions from most other things but this cuts through all of that. He lowered my walls more than anyone ever had and reached a part of me I’ve never let someone do before. I swallow hard and blink the burning in my eyes away. The last thing I need is for him to see my eyes full of tears. 

So, I do what I think makes the most sense. I yank each edge of my mouth into a tight-lipped smile and step back to hold out an overly professional hand, “Friends?” 

He nearly grimaces at the word and begrudgingly snakes his hand into mine, gripping it firmly and giving it a shake. “Whatever you want, Vallie.” He grumbles sarcastically before walking off back to the set. 

He leaves me with my hand vacant and my eyes blinking at the wall he just stood in front of. I knew he wasn’t happy with me, but I didn’t know we’d end up starting over.

The music video that Noah had fast tracked was finally finished regardless of what the others felt. It was filmed and edited by Bryan with Noah glued to his side the whole time to make sure it followed his “vision” for it perfectly. It was hyper tuned into the details and nuances Noah was looking to cultivate for the prematurely released song.

Two weeks later, I hit post on the music video with the band scattered around the rehearsing studio, celebrating with beers and laughter. I roll my eyes playfully at the happy, excited actions that ensue behind me but bite down on my lip to keep myself from smiling. While it’s not everything they or I wanted, it’s still a damn good video and I’m proud of them for it. 

All entanglements aside, it’s the first time that I’ve felt like I truly helped them achieve something great. Their growth and publicity had been steady but incredibly slow despite all of my best efforts. Their initial boom from the band going viral months ago plateaued. I’ve been chalking it up to the lack of content, but the faint fear of chronic stagnation has been creeping up my ribs every so often. It’s something I warned them from the beginning - “Anyone can go viral, but it won’t last.” I recall telling them at the very start. “Don’t get attached to the numbers.” I told them that it burns bright for a split second then gets snuffed out by the next big thing to come along. But they didn’t listen to me, and I can see the disappointment and fear worsening in Noah’s features with each day that passes. It’s all made me wonder if there was even a place in the scene for them, or if what their label is trying to accomplish is possible. It made me question my ability to execute the task handed to me.

I posted all of the music video promotions across all forms of media and posted some of the pre-filmed short form content onto TikTok and Instagram. “Alright well, your part is done now, I’m just gonna keep working.”

I stand, beginning to gather all the papers scattered over the table. “With all the teasing I posted for the video and all the extra content we filmed, engagement has gone up by about 5%. I estimate it going up by about another 10-15% for the next couple of weeks while the music video gains traction.” I dropped the edges of the paperwork against the table a couple times to align them into a neat stack. “You’ve gained a significant amount of followers as well, at least compared to before the promo content.”

“Aw Vallie,” Bryan throws an arm around my shoulders pulling me into a side hug. “Is this your way of saying we did a good job?” 

A small smile tugs at one edge of my lips, “I’m just saying that the music video is projected to do really well.” I sink my teeth into my lip again, this time to keep from speaking but it fails. “And, I think you guys did a great job.” I rush the words out at the end.

The large grin is nearly identical across the five boys' faces, each one unique in their features, but the glow of finally birthing a new project is potent in all their smiles.

As they mingle about, I return my focus to my screen and sit back down. Likes and comments begin to pour in, faster than expected. The promo posts over the past couple weeks built up a significant amount of anticipation and excitement, I just didn’t expect it to gain momentum so fast. Compared to other clients, this engagement is nothing, a couple hundred comments within the first 30 minutes, but for them, it’s huge. I decide to keep it to myself for now to not get their hopes up too high since the numbers could plateau quickly. 

But before I exit completely, my eyes catch a couple comments that churn my stomach unexpectedly.

nobody told me the singer was so hot !!

damn he’s fine as fuck

oh my god Noah is so !!!!

the whole band is fine wtf 

god that bassist is sooo sexy

My eyes narrow and my teeth involuntarily clench at the last comment. A dull ache throbs in my chest at the words, a feeling I’m not quite sure I’ve ever experienced before. 

My plan to leverage their looks was working. This is exactly what I wanted, what I held meetings for, what I fought for, what I was hired for - so why does it suddenly feel like a loss?

I glance at Nicholas, who’s joking with the others, his face lit up with a carefree smile. My heart aches but, this is exactly what I wanted for him. For them. Yet, the jealousy gnaws at me, sharp and unrelenting. I want to be happy for them, I should be happy for them. But each comment feels like a tiny dagger, reminding me of what I’ve deprived myself of.

I exhale and close the lid to my laptop. I tap along the table just trying to shake my head from whatever confusion is clouding it. I just need to get out.

The group talks amongst themselves as they celebrate, and I inevitably fade into the background. I start gathering all my belongings to throw into my tote bag to hopefully make a quiet exit.

“You liked the music video?” A voice startles me from across the round table. 

I look up to find Noah. I quickly glance to the red solo cup he’s holding carefully in his hand. It makes me wonder what’s in it and if it will lead to the same aftermath I've seen before with a drunken Noah. It’s only when I look around that I realize that each of them has a drink in hand and they’ve put music on. 

“Yeah.” I shrug, “I think you guys did good.” 

“We, you mean.” He corrects.

“We?” 

“Yeah. You helped pick out the outfits and did all the promo stuff, did you not?” He raises a brow. 

“Yeah? I guess I did.” 

Noah rests his arm on a nearby high-top table, taking a sip of his drink. “We made a deal, you and I a while ago, do you remember it?” He questions.

I silently filter through our meetings in my mind. While working together we’ve made many deals, but I land on the one I know he’s talking about and a smile creeps across my lips. “‘I’ll do my job well, if you do yours.’” 

An unexpected wide grin pulls at his mouth, “Well, I think we both did our jobs well here.” 

He was right, we did. Looking back at the meeting just a few months ago seems so juvenile now. Noah was so angry about me being brought on to the crew and while I wouldn’t say he’s necessarily thrilled that I’m here now, I can tell that I’ve grown on him. I proved myself to him, at least a little bit. 

“Yeah, we did.” I nod with a genuine smile, “Proud of us.” 

He wrapped an arm around me and gave me a squeeze, smiling down at me. “Me too.”

I leaned into him and caught a glimpse of Nicholas watching us both. The look on his face was flat and filled with an unreadable expression. 

My eyes flicker down immediately to avoid him then pull away from Noah’s grasp. He then goes on to ramble about music and the album, I’m not quite sure why he’s over here talking to me and not to the rest of them but, here I am. His words fade into the background as I look past him to spot Nick again. This time he’s caught up in some excited conversation between Brian and Folio. His wide smile meets his eyes filling them with such happiness as he laughs. His tattooed fingers interrupt the condensation on a beer bottle and his hair is gathered up into a low bun. He looks breathtaking and it suddenly fills me with a sadness I don’t think I’ll be able to beat here. 

I’ll never have the opportunity to be with him at a party like this, or out to dinner or have a normal, run-of-the-mill relationship. There’s a bit of heartbreak in watching him ensue in an interaction we may never have now that I’ve ruined everything.

But I ruined it for a reason, my brain reminds me.

I catch Nicholas’s eye. His smile falters, and for a moment, I think he senses my unease. I quickly look away, swallowing the lump in my throat.

The ache that makes home in my ribcage does not care for reason; its only concern is pain. It suddenly becomes unbearable, and I need to leave, now. I need to go home, I need to fucking get of out here.

 “I’m sorry, Noah but I have to go.” I hurriedly throw my bag over my shoulder and snatch my keys.

“What? Why? Is everything okay?” Noah asks, concerned.

“Yeah, I just… I need to go,” I say, my voice wavering as I avoid his gaze. “I have an important meeting I have to be home for.” My hand tightens around my keys so hard that the jagged edges dig into the flesh of my palm.

I stand up, the room spinning slightly as I do, despite not having anything to drink. I head for the door, each step feeling heavier than the last. I can feel Nicholas’s eyes on me, but I don’t dare look back.

Pushing through the front door, I take a deep breath of the cool night air, but it does little to calm the storm inside me. I walk quickly to my rental car, fumbling with the keys as tears blur my vision. Finally, I manage to unlock the door and slide into the driver’s seat. 

As I drive home, the tears flow like rivers down my cheeks. The ache in my chest is relentless, a constant reminder of what I’ve given up and the lies I’ve told. I made my choice, and now I have to live with it. But the pain doesn’t care about reason or decisions. It only knows how to hurt.

I don’t stop driving until I reach my Airbnb. I stumble inside, dropping my bag on the floor and collapsing onto the couch. The tears flow freely now as I sink into the furniture, wishing things could be different but knowing they’ll never be. As much as I’d like to, I can’t undo my decision nor change the reasons behind it. As long as I work for them, Nick and I can never be anything more than just friends. Maybe in another life, there’s a him and I that work, but it’s not this one.

It doesn’t matter how much it hurts seeing him at events, or getting comments in videos, or even just being around him. He’s not mine and he can’t be. I’m not what he wants anyway, his career is just taking off the last thing he needs is to be entangled with someone who wants more than just sex. Is that even what I want? I barely even have time to fucking cry in the car, how would I balance a relationship?

Mourning the loss of what could’ve been is hard, but an inevitable breakup would be worse. However, just because I chose the lesser of two evils doesn’t mean it’s easy.

I glance at the time on my watch and scramble when I realize I’m late for my meeting. Unfortunately, I didn’t lie to Noah about that.

Flipping open my laptop, I’m right on time when the zoom call rushes in. I wipe the remnants of my tears and allow myself one more sniffle before answering.

The bright, shining faces of my original clients light up the screen. With drinks and cigars in hand, they greet me with their usual exuberance. They’re getting one last party in before they leave for tour soon. It’s the first tour I haven’t joined them on since working for them. The realization that I’m not going with them mingled with the feelings I just ran away from only worsens the pain in my torso. There’s nothing more I wish to do than to just run off with them to Europe and forget all about this mess with Nick. But I have too much on my plate to be touring with them right now, so I’m working remotely for them temporarily.

Their naturally cheery demeanors lift my spirits, and while it is still a work call, they always seem to make work fun. It makes me wish even more that I was going with them. Working for them has always been easy and enjoyable. The stark contrast between them and Omens is jarring. While we do have a longer history, Greta has always felt comforting, uplifting and loving – like family. I always feel valued and appreciated, and I never have to question my belonging with them.

Omens, on the other hand, has been nothing but complicated, painful, and uncomfortable. Instead of feeling like I’m part of something, I often feel like I’m navigating through a minefield between Noah’s volatility and Nick’s complexity. It’s hard to feel motivated when the environment is so hostile, and it leaves me questioning my place and purpose. Up until recently that is – things seem to be looking up now that Noah and I are getting along.

Comparing the two bands makes me long for the simplicity and warmth of Greta even more. The comfort and camaraderie I immediately feel when answering the zoom only highlights the cold, challenging reality of working with Omens. It’s a reminder of what I’m lacking and a painful acknowledgment of the complication of my current situation. The situation I put myself in.

Yet, Noah’s words ring in my ears, “We did our jobs well.” Perhaps it’s not as bleak as it once was. The memory of our truce plants a seed of hope in my chest. Maybe Bryan was right, that they just need time to come around.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” The bassist, Sam, jokes, pulling me out of my thoughts. The bright white of my screen flashing on my pale face in the darkness of my living room can’t be doing me any favors.

“You need a drink, Val?” Jake, the other long-haired guitarist asks, raising an enticing drink in a short glass.

“Maybe a smoke? You are in California after all.” The shaggy-haired singer, Josh, teases.

I force a smile and shake my head. “I would kill for both of those right now. Just a fucking exhausting day.”

“I know, our girl’s makin’ it big, taking on new bands, new quests.” Jake states in a dramatic, faux-English accent. “On to new horizons.” His arm splays out theatrically to a non-existent skyline.

“Leavin’ us behind!” Sam adds loudly in a whiny tone as he takes a sip of his cocktail.

The last words shoving a sword into my gut. Maybe Nick isn’t the only loss I’m mourning. Working for Greta has consumed my entire life for years, they’re the closest thing to family I’ve got. Perhaps not being engulfed in them constantly has left me lonely.

I roll my eyes lightheartedly and shake my head, “I could never leave you guys, you know that.” Clearing my throat, I change the subject. “How are you guys feeling about the tour?”

Their excitement is infectious, and I find myself relaxing a bit as they talk about their plans and the cities they’ll visit. For a moment, I forget about Nick and the tangled mess of emotions he brings.

“Hey, Val!” Josh shouts, raising a glass snapping me out of my haze. “We’re going to miss you on this one!”

“Yeah, it won’t be the same without you,” The quiet drummer, Danny, chimes in.

I force a smile, trying to push the sadness aside. “I’ll miss you guys too. But I’ll be there in spirit, and we’ll keep in touch. You know I’ll be checking in every day.”

They laugh and raise their glasses in a toast, their contagious energy making it a little easier to breathe.

The boys filter out, saying their goodbyes to entertain the other guests at their party.

“Yeah, I’ll catch up to you guys later. I have to ask Vallie about something.” Sam waves the boys away.

He turns in his chair to face me, a look of concern washed over his face as he tucks a chunk of long hair behind his ear. “Are you okay? You seem a bit off?” He asks softly.

I take a deep breath, trying to steady my voice. "I'm fine, Sammy. Just a lot going on."

He looks at me for a long moment, his puppy-dog eyes filled with understanding. "You know you can talk to me, right? If you ever need anything. We're all going to miss you on this tour, but we understand why you can't come."

I nod, "I know. Thanks, Sam," I reply, with a tight smile. "I appreciate it."

Under other circumstances, I would maybe try to talk to them but they’re so excited for Europe, I can’t possibly weigh them down with anything serious.

He gives me a reassuring smile. "Take care of yourself, okay? And if you need to vent or anything, just call. We're all here for you, we love you a lot."

"Thanks," I say again, feeling a lump form in my throat. "I will. I love you guys too."

With one last nod, Sam ends the call, leaving me alone with my thoughts and letting reality crash back in. I close my laptop and lean back in my seat, staring at the other side of the vacant couch. The room feels emptier than before, the silence more suffocating. I can’t shake the feeling of being left behind, both professionally and personally.

I set my laptop on the coffee table and pull a blanket over my body in hopes that it would help me disappear. I curl up in the corner of the couch with my knees up to my chest. I haven’t felt heartache like this since high school and it’s over something that was never even serious. My mind keeps drifting back to Nick, to the hurt and anger in his eyes when I pushed him away. I know it was the right decision, but the pain is parasitic in a way I was never prepared for.

I blink at the blank wall in front of me. I’m not home, I’m not with friends or anyone I know. I work for a band that half hates me most days, I fell for a boy I can’t have and I’m staying in a pay-by-weekly Airbnb. I’m alone in a city I hate, in a home that’s not my own with people who barely like me. That’s when I realize that perhaps heartache isn’t the only pain that sits heavy in my heart – it’s also the weight of loneliness that’s been consuming me, rotting me from the inside out.

Only when I acknowledge the seclusion is when it wraps around me like a suffocating shroud, seeping into my very core and eroding my sense of self.

I close my eyes and let out a long, shaky sigh, trying to steady my racing thoughts. I have to keep moving forward, despite the overwhelming difficulty and the sadness in my bones. There’s a faint flicker of hope buried somewhere beneath the despair, a small, stubborn, workaholic part of me that refuses to give up. For now, I hold on to that glimmer, however faint, and vow to take things one step at a time.

This was the 4th rehearsal in a row that I’ve attended this week, and while it never gets old watching their sets, the content becomes repetitive. So, while the boys are playing and Bryan snaps shots of them, I scroll through Zillow.

I don’t even notice that they’re done until Nicholas is beside me cracking a water bottle open. “What’re you lookin’ at?” He asks. Slowly but surely, we’ve been making our way back up to being friendly, despite the break down I had weeks ago after the music video launch. If I just focus on the work, I can almost stifle down our history. Almost.

“Oh shit, you scared me.” I chuckle but it soon fades with the frustration that’s built up over the past couple days. “Augh, I have to find an apartment or something because this Airbnb is getting so expensive. My other client’s tour just started, and I just took on another band, so I’m stuck here for a while. But I can’t fucking find an apartment building that doesn’t have a waitlist before next fall.”

“Shit sucks around here.” Chimes in Jolly from the corner taking a sip of his Gatorade.

“Here let me see.” Nick swivels my laptop towards him before I have a chance to stop him. He holds his tongue between his lips with his brows furrowed, like he’s focused on some super spy mission. He scrolls for a while, adds some filters, scrolls, takes more filters out, then turns the laptop back to me. “Ta da!” He smiles his signature grin and it’s nice to see it in my direction again.

“Whoa, how the fuck did you find that!” My eyes nearly pop out of my head as I scroll through the listing, it having almost everything I was looking for. “Oh my god, they’re doing a showing for a perfect place right now, I gotta go.” I hastily begin packing my things up, haphazardly throwing all my scattered belongings into my tote.

“Whoa whoa,” Halts Jolly, “You’re not going alone.”

I furrow my brows at him, confused, “What do you mean?”

“Listen, do you know how unsafe it is for a woman to go to realty showings alone?” His voice is so filled with genuine concern and a splash of paranoia.

“You need to stop watching so much true crime dude.” Folio rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, he’s obsessed.” Bryan adds with a pointed thumb towards the long-haired man. 

I blink up at Jolly who’s face is dead serious. “We’re coming with you.”

I normally wouldn’t let men tell me what to do or how to do it, but maybe Jolly is right. Men are dangerous especially around here and I have also heard horror stories about women going to check out a house and it turning out to be a sketchy place with an equally creepy man.

“Okay.” I nod. “Fine.”

Looking over the four of them, I realize that Noah had already disappeared. He’s been cutting out immediately after each rehearsal, so I think nothing of it.

“I got nothing better to do.” Shrugs Nicholas. I don’t look too much at him because if I did, I would notice the strain behind his eyes - one that looks both pained and conflicted. 

Arriving at the open house, I walk around the small loft, letting my fingers trail over the cracked railing of the stairs. The apartment is smaller, dingier and dustier than advertised. When I make it upstairs, the 4 are up there already. I catch them looking unimpressed, almost disgusted at the place but immediately feign impression for my sake.

“It’s…pretty nice, Vallie.” Says Folio, with a forced smile.

“Oh, spare me, it’s a dump.” I sigh, defeated. “The asking price is like double with all the fees and shit. It’s ridiculous.” I rub two fingers into my temple. “I don’t know what I’m gonna fucking do.”

There’s a bit of silence filled with pitiful faces from the group. Nicholas’ eyes look focused but lost in thought. Before any of them could speak, Bryan perks up. 

“My old room in the house is empty since I moved out last year. Why doesn’t she just move in with you guys?” He suggests as if it’s the most obvious answer. 

My mouth nearly falls open at the insane suggestion. The trio’s focus snaps to him with the most shocked and betrayed looks on their faces, brows raised and jaws open. 

“What?” I ask for clarification, because he couldn’t possibly be serious.

Bryan ignores their reactions. “Exactly what I said. It just makes sense? You’re with them all the time.”

“I uh-“ I falter, somewhat overwhelmed with the four of them looking at me. “I mean, it really seems like that’s a group decision…”

“I’m cool with it.” Folio surprisingly speaks up first, “We do have the spare room and we could use the extra rent money. You take a lot of Ubers to get to us anyway, so.”

For once Folio seemed to be cooperative, nice even. Maybe they are warming up to me afterall.

Jolly sighs heavily, “They have good points. It would be convenient but… Noah’s not going to be happy.”

Anxiety wins over the excitement dying to bloom in my stomach as I look over and meet Nick’s gaze. His eyes contain the same pained and confused look as before. He’s conflicted.

“I couldn’t give less of a fuck about what Noah wants. He’s outnumbered 4-1.” Nick snaps. “She needs a place, and we have one.”

I tug at my lip and contemplate my options. This would be the easiest and cheapest path. “Okay fine. Just for now. I’m gonna keep looking so I don’t overstay my welcome.” I meet eyes with each one sternly. “Thank you.”

I’m grateful for the offer but I can’t help but be nervous about being so close to Nicholas all of the time. The room I’d be staying in is the empty room between Noah and Nicholas’ rooms. I’d be between the two I would least like to be around. I contemplate backing out for a brief moment but quickly remember how much the Airbnb is costing me weekly. As much as I value my independence and solitude, it’s just not worth the cost and isn’t sustainable. The last thing I ever want to do is live with them, but it seems to be the only good option right now.

A week later, the boys help carry the last of my boxes up the stairs while I warn them about how if they break anything they’ll be paying for it.

Nick, Jolly, and Folio are all out of breath as they set down my boxes.

“Jesus, how do you have so many boxes of stuff from that tiny Airbnb?” Folio asks, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

I shrug, “I had some of my stuff from home shipped out to me, since I’m staying in Cali longer than I expected.”

Jolly and Folio filter out leaving me alone with Nicholas. I’m immediately on my toes around him. Just being in the house with him is difficult. The only other two times I’ve been here, we’ve slept together - once on the couch downstairs and another in the room beside us now. It’s hard not thinking about having him that way again with those reminders all around me. The memories pack a punch not just in my core but in my heart as well. We’ve just started to get back to normal after our little falling out. But what even is back to normal with us? Were we ever really normal?

“Do you need help unpacking?” He asks though it doesn’t seem forced or ingenuine.

I ponder the offer as I shift on my feet but ultimately shake my head. “Not now. I don’t know if I’m going to fully unpack yet, since I’m still looking for another place.”

He nods, seeming somewhat unhappy about my response. “Okay well, if you need help with anything, let me know.”

“Okay, I will. Thank you.” I scratch my arm anxiously and pause before I speak again. “I feel bad… I know Noah’s unhappy because I’m here.”

Nicholas sucks in a breath. “Yeah, he’s not happy. But I don’t really know what else to say to him. Maybe you should talk to him.”

I let out a laugh. “Yeah fucking right. I’m sure I’m the last person he wants to talk to right now.”

“You never know. It might help.” He steps towards the door to leave. “I think we’re gonna order Chinese for dinner. You cool with that?”

I nod and he reciprocates before leaving the room downstairs. 

I take a deep breath and shake out the nerves from my hands as I walk to Noah’s door. I give it a knock and wait for a response.

“Come in.” He calls and I peek through the cracked door.

He rolls his eyes and glares at me. “Great, it’s you.”

“You know you don’t have to be like that.” I say calmly while I push the door open more and lean against the door frame.

He doesn’t even look at me and keeps his eyes on the TV across from his bed where he lays. His hands are diligently working on a gaming controller. I can’t help but notice how his long-tattooed fingers rapidly and strategically click on the buttons. Something about it creates a slight buzz between my legs.

“You just invited yourself into my home. I think I have some right to talk to you any way I want to.” He retorts.

“I didn’t invite myself; I was invited. By your bandmates, your best friends. But you know that already. You’re just being an asshole.”

“Again, this is my house. I can be an asshole in my house if I want to. This is what you signed up for. But you know that already.” He mocks me with my own words.

I try my best to keep my bubbling anger from spilling. We had been doing so well since the thrift store, but it seems that we’re back to square one all over again.

“I’m not trying to be here forever, alright? This is temporary. Like I want to be here any more than you want me to be. Believe it or not, this isn’t exactly a walk in the park for me either.” I sigh, trying to keep my composure. “I’m just trying to make the best of it while I’m here, okay? Can we agree to just be civil?”

He glares at me, but I know he knows that I’m right. “No promises.”

As I look around my new room, I suddenly feel closed in by the towers of boxes that surround me. I should’ve waited until after I signed some sort of apartment lease before having some of my stuff shipped from New York. I was just homesick for a place of my own again, that I wanted my belongings outside of what fits inside a couple carry-on suitcases. I’ve been living out of suitcases for longer than I’ve ever wanted and so maybe unpacking some of my clothes and things wouldn’t hurt much. Afterall, I could always just repack them. When I stand and find that some of the towers are even taller than me, I recognize that I might need help afterall. 

I find myself in front of Nick’s door and a nervous feeling swirls in my stomach that I try to ignore. 

This is a bad idea, I think to myself.

But it’s too late. My knuckles have already met the door. 

After a couple moments, Nick opens the door with a gaming headset pulled off his ear and a controller in his hand. It’s clear by the way his eyebrows drop that he was expecting anyone but me. The look is enough to make me back out of my own decision. 

“Oh, sorry to bother you, you’re obviously busy, nevermind!” I ramble quickly in a way I rarely do - but I rarely feel the way I do with him. Mid-turn to get back to my room he unexpectedly grasps my wrist, not hard but not soft either, enough to keep me in place. 

“What’s up?” He asks and I can’t tell if he’s annoyed or genuinely curious. 

“Oh, um, well, you see,” 

Fucking get it together 

“I was going to ask if I could take you up on your offer? To help me unpack?” I already regret the words before they leave my mouth. “But if you’re busy it’s no big deal!!” 

“I, uh, yeah. Sure. Let me just finish this round and I’ll come help.” He begins pulling his headset back on before I can fully answer.

“Oh, yeah sure. Take your time!” 

He closes his door, and I dart to my room, immediately pacing the small amount of floor I have available.

Why did I fucking do that?

“You okay?” His voice speaks from the doorway where he’s propped up against. 

I nearly jump out of my skin, not expecting him there so soon. It makes me wonder if he had just quit his game instead of finishing it like he said. 

“Oh, yeah yeah.” I wave him off. “I always get nervous with moves.” 

It was a lie. With my job, I’ve had to get used to moving often, so it doesn’t phase me any more. But with the shake in my voice, I know it wasn’t a great sell. 

“Right.” He replies skeptically, pushing himself off the frame. “What did you need help with?”

“I need that box up there.” I point to the box above my head. “And that one.” I gesture to the one right beside it at the same height. “And that one.”

He chuckles at how the boxes seem like skyscrapers to me, “Okay sure.” 

He pulls each one down with ease. 

“Anything else?” He asks. 

I sink down to the floor behind one of the large boxes. “I’m just gonna start unpacking these, if you wanna help.” I shrug up at him. 

Nick looks over at another box, grabbing something before handing it out to me. “I think you might need this.”

Blood rushes to my cheeks at the mistake, “Thank you.” I lift up and take the box cutter from him. 

I thought that would be the limit of his contribution but to my surprise, he sits down across from me. When I give him a confused look he simply jokes, “I’m really interested in what the fuck are in all these boxes.”

I bite down on my bottom lip to keep a grin from spreading across my lips. After our conversation at the music video shoot, this is the last thing I expected him to do. 

I’m still sat on the floor with half empty boxes while Nick acts as the fuel to the operation, putting things wherever I direct him. He slides a chunk of books into a bookshelf that was left behind. Books are always the first thing I like to unpack after the necessities. They're so personal and really give a space a real essence of you. I’m only unpacking my favorites to display for now since I don’t know how long my stay will be.

“You sure do have a lot of books about pirates?” He states quizzically, with an arched brow and a chuckle. 

“Oh,” I laugh, “Yeah, one of my clients really loves them for some reason.” I gesture to the books he just shelved. “I get one of those every Christmas. Those and a box of fancy cigars.”

His eyes look over the spines of the grandiose black leather books. “You’ve been with them a long time.” He observes each one, then looks over at me. “6 Christmases.” 

I blink up at him because there’s no way it’s been 6 years already. Logically, I knew I’ve accumulated a large stack of those books, but it isn’t until now that it clicks. “Wow. You’re right. I hadn’t thought about it like that.” 

“They’re lucky to have you.” He says, crouching down to get more books. “You’ve done so good for us so far, I can’t imagine what your main act gets.” 

The statement feels almost double edged, though it doesn’t seem that he intended it that way. It’s simple and meant to be flattering but it just settles a guilt in my bones. It sounds like he believes that Omens aren’t a priority, which isn’t true. 

“It’s not like that.” I scoff, handing him another set of non-pirate books.

“Oh sure, as if you don’t prioritize Harry Styles over us.” He shoots back playfully.

The Harry bit has gone so far that it makes me wonder if they truly believe it, it would be hilarious if they did. 

“You know I don’t manage him. Wish I did though.” I laugh, shaking my head. I grab another couple books and tug at my lip contemplating whether I should start some lighthearted competition. “You know… Noah guessed my ‘mystery client’.” 

A mischievous smirk blooms on my lips when Nick’s brows raise with an, “Oh did he now?” 

I nod, “Yep! Gonna have to step up your game I guess.” I shrug jokingly.

“Well, I’m either gonna have to go shake him down or,” He points to the room next door with the box cutter then looks at the mess around us. “Or I’m just gonna have to keep unpacking until I figure it out.” 

A giggle escapes me and a warmth blooms in my tummy. I hate that this is how my body reacts to him, but I quickly snuff it out. “I guess so.” 

As he continues to help me, the room overflows with laughter, and I can’t remember ever having fun unpacking. I try not to dwell on the way I feel when I look at him for too long. If I can just push aside the flutter in my chest when he crinkles his nose, or when he smiles wide and sparkles fill his eyes, or when he makes my name sound like music — if I can just move past all of that, then maybe living here won’t be so bad. Perhaps friendship with Nick wouldn’t be so difficult if it looks like this. 

The first week was awkward and uncomfortable and foreign, but the boys acclimated faster than I imagined - which, thinking about it now, made sense. They’d spent the better half of their lives being forced to live with random people for unforeseen periods of time. They just moved around me, and I moved around them, we all were on different schedules and busy doing other things better than paying attention to each other. Outside of rehearsals or meetings, I rarely saw them. The boys have an affinity for the nighttime while I’ve been operating on three different world clocks due to my other clients touring in different countries. 

I found that juggling three bands when I was barely managing two, was becoming quite taxing. I usually pride myself on my work ethic and multi-tasking skills, but it’s wearing on me in ways I’ve never experienced before. My sleep schedule is basically nonexistent, having to be awake for California, Europe, and Australia times simultaneously. I work between cat naps and run off of at least 4 cups of coffee daily. While work has been miserable, it’s definitely helped keep my mind distracted.

After a much-needed shower and a fresh set of button-down pajamas, I follow the smell of pizza downstairs. I find the boys gathered around the kitchen.

“Hey Val.” Folio smiles then falters, “You look fucking exhausted.” He shakes his head apologetically, “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Just - help yourself, there’s plenty. Noah can put away like three pies on his own.” He chuckles nervously, pushing past me to the living room. 

“Think of it as your belated welcome party.” Jolly says before taking a bite, leaning against the counter. 

“Thanks.” I smile but it doesn’t meet my eyes when I notice Nick remained silent and Noah’s absent.

Jolly nudges my shoulder as he walks out of the kitchen, “Noah’s picking out a movie for us, if you wanna join.” 

“Cool.” I nod, fidgeting with my fingers. As much as I’d love to protest wasting my time, all I need to do right now is sit and turn my brain off for an hour or two. 

“Can’t guarantee it’ll be any good if Noah’s picking.” He calls over his shoulder. 

“Hey!” Shouts Noah from the couch. 

The edges of my lips curl up slightly at the interaction but quickly fall. Even though it's been about a week, this is the first actual night of us all together. It’s only then that it settles in my bones the reality of the move.

I precariously pluck a slice from a half-eaten pie and plop it on a paper plate. “You uh,” I thumb over my shoulder. “Stayin’ for the movie?”

He pushes himself off the granite counter. “I was planning on it, yeah.” He peels another slice from the round and places it on his already full plate. He’s in a dark hoodie for a band I’ve never heard of with the sleeves pulled up to his elbows, showing off all the beautiful ink on his arms. I try not to let my eyes linger too long on the way his fingers fold the slice in half. “You?” 

I steal a water bottle from the fridge and lean against the counter. “Yeah, if he picks a good movie.” I tease. 

He nods and makes his way out of the kitchen. 

I shake my head to wake myself up some more and meet the rest of them in the living room. My feet are the first to freeze when my eyes land on the screen. Noah chose the same indie horror movie that Nick and I had chosen the night he stayed in with me. How he managed to find and decide on the same random movie we did, I’m not sure. What I am sure of is the way my heart feels like it fell into my stomach. My hand grips the plate, and my eyes instinctively search for Nick. His gaze meets mine, the look in his eyes about matches my own before he hardens it. His jaw clenches and he focuses back on finding his place on the couch. 

When I finally make my way over, I find there’s only one seat left between Noah and Nicholas. I take a silent but deep inhale before squeezing between them. The close proximity to Nicholas sends a familiar, anxious thrill through me, but I push it aside, trying to focus on the moment. We’re friends now. Colleagues. I have to keep reminding myself of that. We’ve only ever been colleagues.

“Alright, everyone shut up.” Noah waves a lanky arm around with the remote clutched in his hand. “Movie time!” 

Folio reaches up and flips the lights off to cast an eerie darkness across the room, perfect for the mood of the movie. As the opening credits roll, my heart drops sharply and makes the idea of the pizza on my plate nauseating. The memory hits me like a wave, threatening to pull me under. I can see it so clearly in my head - us sharing two different kinds of chips, Doritos and Cheetos. I can hear the storm that raged that night, the one that kept him from leaving. I remember vividly the conversation we had about having that team-building party. I can hear him promising that the boys would come around. I blink quickly to keep tears from spilling down my cheeks. The last thing I need is to cry in front of them. 

Noah nudges me with his elbow. “You okay? You look a little pale.” He asks with a smirk, teasing me as if I was already scared fifteen minutes into the movie. In the corner of my eye, I can see Nick glance over at us, trying to disguise the fact he’s obviously eavesdropping. 

“Yeah, just... tired.” I half-lie, giving him a weak smile while keeping my eyes on the tv.

“Sure, scaredy cat.” He laughs, returning his focus to the screen.

The movie continues, and I’m transported back to that rainy night. I wasn’t nervous that entire night until we were sitting criss-crossed next to each other watching this specific scene before the first jumpscare. The flutter of nerves didn’t find home in my belly until we both jolted at the perfectly timed jumpscare and our knees ended up pressed together for the rest of the night. I remember the way his hand brushed against mine, the way we laughed and screamed at all the right moments. Sitting here now, with him so close yet so far, is torture. 

As the film progresses, I can’t help but notice Nicholas shifting slightly in his seat. His arm brushes against mine, sending a jolt of electricity through me. I hope no one else notices my reaction. It’s jumpy and juvenile, the way we both try our best not to have any part of our body touching for too long. 

Halfway through the movie, a particularly frightening scene makes everyone scream and laugh at each other’s fear. Nicholas turns to me, and for a brief moment, our eyes meet. There’s a flicker of something in his gaze, something that tells me he remembers too. But then he looks away, and the moment vanishes.

The rest of the movie is a blur. I’m too focused on the memories, the emotions, and the painful reality that the past is just that—the past. When the credits finally roll, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and everything is suffocating and tight. 

Folio reaches up from his seat in the recliner and flicks the light back on. “Jesus fucking christ, Noah.”

“What the fuck.” Echoes Jolly.

Noah grins widely, obviously proud of his peculiar choice. “You’re welcome.” 

“It was great.” I rush the words out and quickly push myself off the couch. “I need to get some air. Excuse me.”

A cackle erupts from Noah, “Musta scared the shit out of her.” 

As I speed to the front door, I hear someone smack him with a pillow and Nick’s voice telling him not to be an ass.

I nearly burst through the front door and find salvation in gripping the porch railing. For a moment I question if I might actually get ill. Never in my adult life have I ever felt such visceral agony over another human being, nonetheless a man. The cool night air brings a welcome relief and finally I feel like I can suck in a full breath.

I squeeze my eyes shut when I hear the door open behind me and my heart races when Nick appears in my peripheral. Fuck. 

“Hey,” he says softly.

“Hey,” I reply, my voice almost trembling.

He pulls something from his pocket, flipping the top open and holding out a box of Newports to me. “Want one?” 

I sigh, contemplating it even though I haven't touched a cigarette since college, but god do I need it now. “Thanks.” I pluck a cig from the box and place it between my lips. I cup the end from the wind while he flicks the lighter for me. The second it’s sizzling and lit I take a much-needed deep inhale, letting the nicotine fill every gap in my lungs giving me a split second of reprieve. 

I close my eyes as I exhale, hoping the smoke would take the pain that sits in my chest. For a moment, we stand there in silence, the weight of unspoken words hanging between us. The sounds of the night filled the quiet, frogs croaking and far off traffic from the city. 

He steps closer, close enough that I can feel his warmth and the smoke of his cigarette. “I remember that night, you know.”

I pause, swallowing hard. “Me too.”

The ache in my chest is palpable, like it sits between each individual rib. I feel it in my bones, in my veins, in my fucking marrow. 

When I made the decision to distance myself, to hurt him, I thought it was the best decision for us all. I had no idea it would hurt this bad. It hardly seems like a good idea now. 

Every part of my body tenses up like a muscle throbbing in pain. My index and middle fingers involuntarily squish the cigarette, and my fists tighten. I have no reason to feel this way, I did this. 

“Val,” he says, his voice breaking through my turmoil. “We never really… talked.”

I bite my lip hard, the cigarette trembling between my fingers. “What’s there to talk about, Nick?” I can’t bear to look up at him. 

“Us, Vallie.” He says more sternly this time, turning to me fully. “You just shut me out. And I got upset so I walked away, but we didn’t talk about it.” 

Of course, the only man I fall for is the one that actually wants to talk about his feelings. 

“We made a choice, Nick.” I grind my teeth to ward off tears, keeping my gaze focused on a far off tree. 

He shakes his head, stepping even closer. “No, you made a choice. And I went along with it because I thought it was what you wanted. But standing here now like this… I can’t help but wonder if you made a mistake.”

I close my eyes and exhale. All I want to do is give in to him, tell him he’s right, that I did make a mistake. But my reasoning and logic remains the same. 

The words hang in the air, heavier than the smoke around us. I don’t dare look up at him, tears blurring my vision. “Maybe I did. But we can’t. And I told you,” I pause, giving myself one final second to rethink my decision. “I’m seeing someone.”

He snuffs his cigarette out on the wood railing then grasps my shoulder harshly, turning my body to face him. “If you’re going to lie to me, at least do it to my face.”

I drop my own cigarette from the sudden action, and he quickly stomps it out for me. My eyes widen at his words and his shift in demeanor. I blink up at him and shake my head. “I’m not lying.”

“Yes, you are.” He takes a step forward causing me to step backwards, closing me into the porch railing. His hand finds my jaw holding it firmly in place, analyzing me with furrowed brows. It runs an ice-cold shiver down my spine. “I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your voice.”

My chest rises and falls rapidly. “I am, seeing someone Nick. I’m happy.” I lie through my teeth even though it’s useless. 

“No, you’re not, Vallie.” His words are sharp and intentional. “Look at you.” He gestures over my body. “You’re shaking through a cigarette just because you’re standing next to me.” 

“God.” A tear slips down my cheek and I try to take a breath, but I feel even more suffocated than before. “Fuck, Nick.” I harshly push him away. I look between us and still for a moment before tears prickle my eyes. “I’m sorry, I can’t fucking do this.”

I rush past him, through the front door, and don’t stop running until I close my bedroom door behind me. I slump against it, sliding down until I’m sitting on the floor. The weight of everything crashes down on me, and I bury my face in my hands.

“FUCK,” I scream, the sound muffled by my palms to not be heard by anyone else. The tears come hard and fast, my shoulders shaking with each sob. I’ve never felt so vulnerable, so exposed. The pain is unbearable, and all I can do is cry.

Thankfully the boys had already gone to bed the night of me and Nick’s fight, so we didn’t have to answer any uncomfortable questions. I cried, got it out of my system, and isolated the emotions into a little folder I tucked into my heart, just as I did the last time. Although, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t getting more and more difficult. Two weeks later, I’m still avoiding Nick, but I don’t act like a scrambling mouse any time he enters the room. Tensions have calmed down and it’s impressive how much can be hidden behind a mask. 

Today, I’m tearing the kitchen apart looking for a measuring cup, how they’ve made it this far without a measuring cup, I have no idea. 

As I’m bent over into a lower cabinet, I spot Nicholas in my peripheral. Obviously, he’s the one I’d been avoiding the most but the feeling was mutual, us rarely interacting with each other after movie night. We barely spoke to each other during meetings and avoided each other around the house. 

“Looking for something?” He asks with a bit of condescension in his tone. 

The comment immediately irritates me as I’d been hungrily searching for this goddamn utensil for the past half hour and all I fucking want are pancakes on my day off. I bite my tongue in order to not snap at him and back out of the cabinet, standing up. “Would you happen to know where a girl could find a goddamn measuring cup around here?” My irritated tone greatly outweighed Nick’s more subtle one.

His brows raised, shocked that I’d even speak that way, nonetheless to him. His brows didn’t stay up though, they fell rather quickly into thick, straight lines. The way his face turned cold so quickly made me shiver with a fear crawling up my back. “I know you’re not speaking to me that way in my own house.” 

Immediately, I want to rival it but try my best to stifle it down. However, the feeling was too strong. “I know you aren’t talking to me like that, period.” Crossing my arms over my chest and raising a brow at him. 

He steps towards me, “With work? Sure, I can play nice. Outside of work? I can talk to you however I want.” 

My brows furrow at his sudden hostility. Even though we’d been avoiding each other, things have been calm and professional. He’s never spoken to me like this before and while I’m used to dealing with intimidating industry men on my own, the darkness in his tone has my heart thumping in fear. For the sake of my self-respect, I square my shoulders and straighten my back. “Don’t fucking talk to me like that.” 

“Or what?” He provokes, stepping even closer to me. “You work for us, remember? You’re nothing more than a glorified assistant.” 

My jaw practically drops to the floor and red-hot anger rushes through my veins. I hear the smack first, ringing through the kitchen before I feel the static-y stinging in my palm. I gasp and bring my hands to my mouth while I watch him quickly reach for his reddening cheek. I instinctively want to apologize but, he deserved it. 

When his eyes return to mine, they’re the darkest gray I’ve ever seen them and the fearful thumping in my chest returns. He steps forward, backing me into the corner of the cabinets and the air in my lungs vacates when I look up to find his eyes burning holes in my body. My eyes widen at the sudden, unexpected action. “Nick.” I tremble out in the space between us. 

“You think you can just move in and run shit.” He taunts, his voice low and gravelly. “Haven’t even been in the house a month and you’re already acting up.” 

The fight or flight response in my body begs me to cry, to apologize and shove him away but the burning lava in my bloodstream demands otherwise. I clench my jaw matching the intensity of his stare. “I’m an adult Nicholas, I can do whatever the fuck I want in the home I pay to live in.” 

His hands land on the granite countertop at each side of my hips. “You have one hell of a fucking attitude today.”

The energy shifts into something slightly less aggressive and more sensual. As much as it should disgust me after all the shit he just pulled, it has my thighs pressing together. 

I cock my head at him, and in a tone that borders on innocent, I challenge him, “Yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?” 

His hand goes to touch my hip but stops short, stopping himself. We both know the lie I told him, but it seems like he might’ve actually believed it afterall. He lowered to just below my ear. “If I could, I’d make sure the only thing coming out of that bratty little mouth of yours are those pretty noises you make.” He whispers, his voice low and raspy.

His words went straight to my core, filling it with rampant buzzing. The war in my head waged between keeping up with my plan versus just giving into him like I always seem to do. However, it seemed as though the wetness pooling between my legs was winning.

I must’ve taken too long for him, long enough to crack his resolve just a bit. He pressed his forehead against mine, forcing my focus up to him. The look in his eyes had switched to something softer than before, if I didn’t know better, I’d say there was a hint of sadness in his crystal grey eyes. “Can I touch you?” He asks barely above a whisper and when I don’t answer immediately, he begs again. “I need to touch you, Val.” His voice carried what sounded like a deep desperation, and it all yanked at my heart - but guilt was a beast for a different time. 

Truth is, that I feel the same desperation as he does. I nod quickly against him, “Touch me.” I cave into him, like I always do. “Touch me, touch me, touch me.” I repeat softly before his lips clash into mine and his hands finally meet my hips, immediately pulling me onto the counter. As soon as the coolness of the granite meets my thighs, my eyes round at the realization that we’re in the kitchen. I pull away before he has a chance to deepen the kiss, “The others.” I breathe out urgently with wide eyes down at him.

He shakes his head quickly, “They’re out of the city for the day.” 

It could’ve been a bold face lie, but that’s all the reassurance I need to proceed on our poor decision. His tongue swipes across my bottom lip and I oblige faster than I’d like to admit. Our tongues find each other and begin to entwine themselves. He grasps my hips and pulls me to the edge of the counter to press himself against me. I can’t help but let out a tiny moan into his mouth at the feeling of his covered erection pressing into my clothed center. 

His hands trail up my sides to cup my cheeks before parting from me, “You feel what you do to me?” Soft but needy pants through parted lips fall on my own.

My heaving chest and my pathetic excuse for a nod was enough for him to rejoin our lips. I wrap my arms around his neck tugging him even closer. Our tongues fight for dominance but he’s winning, and his thumbs dig into my hip bones in an almost painful way, as if he’s scared I’ll vanish from his grasp. 

My fingers find their way into his hair that’s wrapped up in a loose bun and dig my nails into the roots, letting out a small sigh against his lips. He tastes like cigarettes and coffee in the best way.

I pull away for a moment and let my focus move from his lips back up to his eyes. My hands glide over the waistband of his jeans, dipping two fingers behind the zipper and pulling it towards my body. “I thought you had a lesson to teach me?”

A groan rumbles in the back of his throat as he processes my words. His fingers snap to my thighs, digging harshly into the flesh before spreading them apart as far as they’d allow. Warmth tinted my cheeks at the action, feeling exposed. I’m still clothed but now it’s just the thin fabric of my panties keeping the most intimate part of me covered. It’s not like it’s anything he hasn’t seen before, but it still feels vulnerable. 

“Tell me, what lesson do you think you need to learn?” He asks me while his fingertips urge my lower back to move further to the edge of the counter. 

“Hmm,” I feign thinking hard about the answer. “I think that you think it should be my mouth, but I don’t think that.”

“Oh, no?” He questions, “Is there anything you do that makes you think you deserve a lesson?”

“Nope.” I reply with cheery innocence. 

“That’s interesting, because you’re massively overdue for one.” He tugs my legs so close to him it almost pulls me off the counter. 

He leans down and presses a kiss just below my ear, then trails it down my neck. My heart beats so fast against my ribcage I fear it could burst. 

While his hands roam and grope anywhere they land, he’s buried in my neck sucking marks into it. “I’ve missed you.” He admits, mumbling against my skin and makes my heart rate skip a beat or two. 

I tilt my head back and scrunch my eyes closed. We shouldn’t be doing this in the first place, nonetheless, saying these sorts of things to each other, but it seems neither of us care enough to remember why. 

I tangle my fingers in his hair, giving it a gentle tug and nudging my head against his. “I’ve missed you too, Nicky.” 

He pauses the same way I did but this time he moves back up to rejoin our lips. 

There’s a couple words that linger in the back of my throat - words I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell him. Words that I’m not sure make sense for us or if they’re just the chemicals rushing through me. But I want to say them, and I’m scared that if I go to say anything at all they might tumble out. 

His hands find and tug at my shirt which I quickly pull away and discard it across the room. I take the opportunity to do the same with him. I catch the hem of his shirt, and he stills. I realize in the two times we’ve slept together, I’ve never seen him shirtless. That combined with the way he hesitated when I went to pull it off makes me think he might be uncomfortable. “May I?” 

He hesitates but nods and lets me be the one to pull it off him. He’s tattooed all over his chest just as he is on his arms, and it makes me want to go exploring all over his body. Our lips reunite and our tongues reconnect before I get a chance to compliment his appearance. I work quickly at undoing his jeans while he struggles to pull down my skirt.

Finally, bare to each other, he pulls me taut against him to make sure I can feel just how much he’s missed me. He nestles his thick shaft between my folds, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t missed that part of him too. I let a small whine slip into our kiss at the feeling of him throbbing against my clit. 

He disconnects from me only to press his forehead against mine, “I need to be inside you.” There’s a greater feeling behind his claim, more akin to ‘I need to be as close to you as possible’.

“I need you, please.” I reply, sounding more desperate than I would’ve liked. 

Now, not my brightest moment, letting him push his way inside me without more prep when I haven’t had him in so long. The stretch his girth brings is a delicious but brutal burn. He takes mercy on me by taking it slow and I feel every thick inch of him until he bottoms out, nuzzling the tip of his cock into my cervix.

“Fuck.” I breathe out, resting my head back on the cabinet. 

While it’s painful, it feels just like puzzle pieces reuniting, like he was made for me. He fills me completely, leaving no empty space.

He only stays stagnant for a short bit of time before he begins rutting into me. I remember how good he feels once adjusted to him. His head is tucked into the other side of my neck, littering it with more marks. He lets small grunts and groans tumble into my neck as he drills into me. With every thrust, his cock hits the bundle of nerves deep within my core and makes my skin burn. “God, you take me so fucking good.” He mutters beneath my ear and it makes me grip onto him tighter.

He detaches from my neck and unexpectedly places both hands on my cheeks, directing my gaze onto him. His hips slow but don’t halt as he forces me to focus on his stormy eyes. 

“Tell me it was a lie.” He demands, with a slight melancholic undertone.

I tilt my head a bit at the request, unsure of what he was referring to or why he’s bringing it up now. “What?”

“I know you lied to me, tell me it was a lie.” He pleads again, with more desperation this time. “Tell me there was no one else.” 

As I take a moment to process, he returns to his spot on my throat, pulling the skin of my neck between his teeth and one hand finding my swollen clit, rolling circles into it. My eyes widen at the feeling of both sensations at the same time, rapidly accelerating the proximity of my high. 

“Tell me you lied to me.” He repeats in a mumble beneath my ear. “Tell me there’s no one else. I need to hear it.”

My mind swirls between his words and the pleasure he’s giving me. It’s like some twisted tactic, that if he gets me so overwhelmed, I’d be forced to tell the truth - and it’s working. 

“I-“ I begin, going to ask how he ‘knows’ but I know I’m a terrible liar, especially to him. My peak rushes to where his fingertips meet my bundle of nerves and all I can think about is him. “I lied, Nick, I lied.” My fingernails dig into his back, and I squeeze my eyes shut, letting an ache wash through my chest.

I feel him smile against my skin and his speed picks up, ramming into my sweet spot over and over while working figure-8’s into my clit. 

“There’s only you.” I add, because I have nothing left to lose with the truth being out. “There’s only ever been you.”

He groans at the words and the way my walls involuntarily pulse around him. “Fuck.“ He grunts against my neck, his thrusts becoming erratic. “Fuck, I’m close. Cum with me?” 

I nod quickly as I’m on the precipice of my own high as well and ready to reach it with him. 

His thumb speeds up with the rolls of his hips pushing me over the edge. “Fuck I’m gonna, fuck,” Buzzing euphoria washes over me and blinds my vision as the coil in my belly snaps. It spreads burning heat across my body and only intensifies when I feel his cock twitch, spilling his hot release into the deepest part of me.

Our chests rise and fall quickly in time with each other and his breath brushes past my shoulder in short bursts. It feels so good to be so full of him.

Unexpectedly, he pulls back only to hold my face and pull me in for another kiss. This time, it’s sweet and soft and full of an emotion we haven’t spoken. Our tongues dance together but it’s slow and tender, the sort of kiss that bonds you and makes you feel safe. 

Once he detaches from me, his forehead presses into mine once more, meeting my eyes with his silver ones, this time having a faint blue hue. His thumbs brush along my cheekbones and his eyes dart across my face, “I don’t want to stop doing this, Vallie.” He whispers and it twists a knife in my chest.

I don’t want to stop either, I want to say. 

I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer. “Nick, we-”

“I know.” He says sadly, but with a slightly hopeful pitch. “The guys are coming around, nobody has to know but us five. I can wait, Val.” His voice pleads. “I can wait, I can wait until you’re ready, until we can. There’s something here, I know you feel it too, I can feel it. I just can’t do this anymore, it’s torture being around you.” His words accelerate as he speaks. “It takes everything in me not to touch you. I can’t be around you, let alone live with you and pretend that I don’t love you.” His eyes widen a bit at what he just blurted out. 

My own eyes round wide at him and my heart feels so full it could pop. “You… what?”

He closes his eyes, “I know that I shouldn’t.” His voice strained before meeting my gaze again. “But I do.” 

I blink up at him as he confirms the same words that have been swirling on the tip of my tongue. My hands slide down to hold his face. “I love you too, Nicholas.” I whisper in the space between us. 

“You do?” He asks, almost surprised though I can’t tell if it’s because I said it or because I mean it, maybe both.

“Yes. I love you, I love you,” My hands pull him closer as I repeat the words like a prayer; now that I’ve said them, I can’t stop. “I love you, I love you,” Before I can get to the fifth ‘I love you’ he wraps my legs around his hips and lifts me off the counter with him still inside me. He carries me into the living room and before I can question anything, we reach his intended destination. 

He lays me down on the couch - the same couch we got high on and ate Jolly Ranchers and ice cream. The couch where we first experienced each other’s bodies. It's not the couch where our love began but it is where it bloomed. 

Our lips rejoin immediately, getting swept up in our newly confessed love. I felt him hardening inside me again before we even left the kitchen. My arms wrap around his neck and my legs close in around his hips, trying to get him as close as possible.  

His hips begin to rut into me, gliding easily with his previous release still inside. It begins tender and slow but as with anything with Nick, it heats up quickly. He uses one hand to hook behind my knee pulling my hips up and closer to him and I let out a gasp at the new, deeper angle. His lips find my neck again, placing needy but tender open mouth kisses there. “I need you to feel how much I love you.”

My nails dig into his back at his words, “Fuck.” I moan out as his tip hits my g-spot directly in rapid succession with no reprieve. “Fuck, I love you.” 

“I love you too.” He says softly against my neck, pressing a gentle kiss there. “God, you feel fucking amazing.” It was like once we gave in and admitted to our feelings, it amplified the sex tenfold.

My head feels like it’s spinning when I nod in agreeance, desperately, “You fill me up so good, baby.” I let the name slip in the cloud of pleasure.

“Fuck, call me that again.” He nearly growls and lands one hard thrust flush against my hips.

It made my heart swell, thankful that he liked it, then had my walls pulsing around him in the realization that he really liked it.

“I love your fucking cock, baby.” I repeat the petname.

“Yeah?” He smirks, against my skin, “You like the way I stretch you out, angel?”

I flutter my eyes closed, feeling so complete in our surrender to one another, like this was how we were meant to be with each other from the beginning. It’s overwhelming how all of our suppressed words and feelings were all crashing into us at once. We broke open the floodgates and we were drowning in each other.

“God yes.” I dig my nails deeper into his flesh, feeling the daunting size of him trying to split me in two.

“Fuck, you take me so fucking good.” He mumbles in a low voice, and I feel myself clench as much as I can around his girth like I need to keep him there forever. He groans at the feeling, “Oh, you’re gonna make me cum if you keep that up.” His hand frantically finds my clit again, beginning tight circles into it.

My breath hitches in my throat and my eyes widen, that being the only thing I needed to send me into my second orgasm. He’s not far behind with hard, staggered thrusts chasing his own high.

Our climaxes arrive rapidly with the passionate expression of our love. For the second time that day, we hit our peaks together in unison, letting the confessions of our love fill the room. 

He practically falls and melts into me as our chests heave in time with each other. After a bit his eyes look down at me, still hazy with lust, now mixed with love. “It’s not enough.” He says hastily.

My brows furrow at his words, lifting myself up to my elbows as he slowly makes his way down my body. “What do you mean?”

He lands at my hips, spreading my legs apart. “I said that I need you to feel how much I love you. Fucking you with my cock isn’t enough.”

Before I can protest or inquire, his head is dipped between my thighs and his tongue is latched to my already-overstimulated clit.

“Oh, no, no, no.” My hand flies into his hair as I shake my head quickly. “No, Nick, I can’t – oh – not again,” I hiss at his blatant disregard and try to squirm away. “Fuck – It’s too much.”

He groans against me and his hand grip onto my hips stiffly, keeping me locked in place. “Stay fucking still.” He growls the demand without pulling his mouth away, every word sending a vibration through my body.

Every move of his tongue is intentional in a specific pattern, if I didn’t know better, I’d wonder if he was actually spelling out ‘I love you’. Regardless of that being factual or not, it doesn’t matter because it feels like he was writing loveletters with his tongue.

Every flick and swirl, sends a jolt through my entire being. My movements beneath his mouth can only be described as thrashing as my center is flooded with stimulation it wasn’t ready to receive again. It’s heavenly but almost painful at the same time. “Slower, please.” I beg but it’s futile; once Nick’s determined on something, its hard to convince him otherwise.

I tug at the roots of his hair and wriggle as much as I can with him keeping me in place. I’d felt my high creeping up, but I didn’t expect it to crash into me out of nowhere. It hits me all at once, my hips buck into him and my grip on his hair must be painful, but he doesn’t falter, not for a second. Silent screams ghost my throat as pleasure rips through me, violently. His tongue continues to roll at the perfect speed in all the right patterns, dragging out my high into the longest one I’ve ever had.

He finally tapers off of me and looks up at me through my parted legs. “I could do that all fucking day.”

I deflate into the cushions with a sigh, my ears still ringing from the overwhelming pleasure that just possessed my entire being. He kisses up my body, reaching up and planting a chaste kiss to the side of my mouth. “Was that too much?” He questions in a whisper.

I shake my head lazily, out of breath. “Perfect.” Is all I can get out.

The edge of his lips curl into a smirk. “I knew it would be.” And places a prideful kiss to my shoulder.

Once cleaned up, we laid on the couch together with me cuddled into his side and my head on his chest. The silence around us is both comforting and nerve wracking. The air is thick with fragility, like if one of us moves or speaks our bubble will burst. 

As we lie there, the quiet moments stretch out, and I can feel his heartbeat steady under my ear. It’s a rhythm that grounds me, making everything else fade away. His fingers trace gentle patterns on my arm, and I close my eyes, savoring the warmth of his touch. There’s a comforting sense of relief in surrendering completely to each other, finally. I’m not sure what this all means for us, but it feels good to finally admit it outloud. 

We stay like that for the rest of the night, enveloped in a bubble of shared intimacy. The outside world, with all its complications and uncertainties, feels distant and unimportant. Right now, we are just two people who have found comfort in each other’s arms. The complex reality and fragile hope for what might come next hangs in the air, but for now, they don’t need to be addressed. The uncertainty still lingers, but it’s softened by the honesty we’ve shared today. Tomorrow will bring its own set of challenges and questions, but in this moment, I allow myself to simply be with him, wholly. All that matters is the gentle rise and fall of his chest and the soft whisper of our breaths mingling in the quiet room. It’s enough to simply be together, a luxury we’ve denied ourselves of for so long—to find solace in the closeness and love that has always been there, begging to be acknowledged from the beginning.

Taglist; @ladyveronikawrites @persuasivus @kingdomof-omens @strawberryruffilo @the-hell-i-overcame @cncohshit @dominuslunae @thebadchic @to-be-written @myownthoughts12 @measuredingold [comment if you'd like to be tagged?]

A/N; The love for this story is something I never expected and I am truly grateful for it. Sorry that this took so long or if it's not up to par. I would love to hear your thoughts and predictions 👀 Thank you SO much for reading 💗