#nicholas ruffilo fluff

[mischievous-mayhem-is-upon-you]

Nicky 💀

[darksigns-exe]

strange magic - witch!nick ruffilo x f!reader

warnings: Discussions of mental health, depression, anxiety, mentions of self-harm, knife related injury

word count: 4.2k

notes: I’m reading The Full Moon Coffee Shop by Mai Mochizuki at the moment, and it might have influenced some parts of this.

dividers by @saradika-graphics <3

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You don’t remember where exactly you’d heard his name for the first time. Someone in your circle of friends had mentioned going to see him about a minor health issue they’d been struggling with and that no conventional doctor had been able to fix. It had taken them one visit to cure said ailment. 

Now, you didn’t expect a miracle cure, but at this point you’d take anything. Whatever it takes to make this feeling disappear. No psychiatrist or therapist had helped, you’d tried everything. 

Magic or something akin to it didn’t seem too unrealistic of an option at this point. Your friend hadn’t been entirely clear on what this guy exactly did or was, all they had mentioned was that his methods were unconventional. 

Armed with the address and maybe a little too much hope, you set off. The place is located in a wooded area, set quite a bit back from the main road. You park near the front of the driveway and walk the rest of the way, just like your friend had told you to do. 

The twisted path that leads you through the woods turns you around entirely, and after a few minutes you have no idea which way you’re oriented or from which direction you’ve come. 

Every step leads you deeper into this forest. As the trees grow taller and thicker, light and warmth become scarce, and you pull your jacket tighter around your body to ward off the chill. 

The path makes another sharp turn and suddenly, you find yourself faced with an almost dream-like glade. Light pours into the space, filling it with warm, golden sunlight. In the middle, sits a lone cottage. It looks a little ramshackle, the roof is tilted in an odd way, and you think that some of the beams must be old and slowly giving into the weight of the roof. There’s something comforting about the place, though. 

The door swings open just as you reach the three steps that lead up the small porch. The glimmering little trinkets and chimes that hang from the roof above it catch your attention. Despite the mass of things that are placed all over the porch and in the windows, it doesn’t feel cluttered. Everything is where it needs to be. 

Your attention is drawn to a sun catcher that seems to be made out of broken pieces of coloured glass and mirror. The little specks of sunlight it scatters all across you and the space around you are mesmerising. Perhaps you should find one like this for your own home. 

“Pretty isn’t it?” someone speaks from behind you and you find yourself twitching with panic. 

When you turn around, you find that the source of the voice is a young man with dark hair. He squints at you for a moment, before an apologetic smile works its way onto his face, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Would you like to come in?” You’re sure that this isn’t the man you’re supposed to see, he seems way too young to be some kind of miracle healer. Maybe he’s an apprentice or other kind of aide to this Nicholas. 

You follow him into the cabin. The inside is surprisingly simple, yet incredibly inviting. Most of the space is taken up by a large wooden table. It has dents and scratches in its surface that tell more stories than any person could. Warm light floods through the room, but you can’t find a single light source. The fireplace can’t be responsible for all the light in here. 

“Sit. Please.” he motions towards one of the chairs by the table. 

You hang your jackets over the back of the chair before you sit. He doesn’t sit, instead he walks over to the wooden counter. You watch as he searches through one of the shelves, until he produces two mismatched cups and saucers. 

“I hope you found the place alright?” he asks, as he picks up a variety of tins from a different shelf. 

“A friend of mine came here a few weeks ago and her directions were pretty good.” you reply.

He nods sagely, as if he knows exactly who you are talking about. 

“Your friend is feeling better? Her condition was quite worrisome.”

“It’s almost as if she was never unwell.” 

Your answer brings a smile to his face, “That’s good to hear. I don’t usually get to hear about the people who come here after they leave.”

He walks towards the fireplace and with the help of a seemingly hand knit pot holder, he retrieves the kettle hanging in front of it. He then proceeds to fill both cups with water before returning the kettle to its previous place. 

He places one of the cups in front of you, while the other is placed in front of the seat to your right at the head of the table. 

“So – you heard that your friend found the aid they needed here and decided that you would follow in their footsteps and find me. What can I do for you?”

“You are Nicholas?” you finally ask as the puzzle begins to make sense. 

His cheeks tinge the faintest shade of pink, “My apologies. Nick is perfectly fine. Nicholas always creates that image of a wise old wizard, and I’m —” he looks down his own body, “Not that.” 

The tone of his voice makes you smile. 

There’s something awfully comforting about him. Something about him sets you at ease, despite the deep-rooted worry that sits in your chest.  

“Can I see your palm?” Nick asks gently, holding out his tattooed hand to you. 

You place your hand, palm facing up, in his and he carefully pulls your hand a little closer to him. He tilts your hand for a moment, as if he is searching for something specific. The pointer finger of his other hand traces across the lines and creases in your hand with a barely there touch. 

The noise he eventually lets out feels a little unsatisfied. 

“The metaphysical can tell us a lot. But it is not without faults. It doesn’t take an expert to see that whatever it is that worries you has been with you for a long time. I can do a lot of things, dear, but I cannot magic away feelings and emotions.” He says eventually, “I can however try to help you find the root of this. That is the best I can offer you.”

For a moment, you feel defeated. Another person who wouldn’t be able to help. At this point, it really does feel a little hopeless. The darkness slowly creeps into your vision, that awful tightness returns to your chest. You can feel yourself getting dizzy and –

And then Nick’s hand curls around yours. It doesn’t stop the panic entirely, but his touch slowly the creeping darkness significantly. 

“Try to breathe. You’re safe here.” his voice soothes your nerves, wraps around you like honey, “Only very few people have left this place without an answer to their question, and I don’t think that you will be one of them.”

You don’t know why, but you want to believe him. 

“So many people said that they could help, but nothing ever came of it.” you say quietly, “I just want to stop feeling this way.” 

Nick lets out a heavy sigh, “I know what it feels like to feel left alone. If I could, I would take all of it away. But unfortunately, in this case, altering the mind is not something I’m allowed to do. I will try to help you as best as I can, though.” 

He gives your hand a little squeeze, before he releases it again.

Nick is silent for a moment, seemingly mulling through his thoughts. He gets up then. The scrape of his chair against the wooden floor takes you by surprise. He utters a quick apology, before he disappears into a distant corner of the room.

You finally have a moment to inspect the space around you. It’s as close to a witch's hut as you could imagine. Bundles of dried herbs and flowers dangle from the low wooden beams that support the upper level. Every surface is covered in trinkets and items, and you’re sure that they all have their designated spaces. The cobblestone wall above the fireplace is adorned with a pentacle made out of what you think is willow branches. They’re woven around each other to give it more structure, and in the space between the branches small flowers have been placed. You faintly remember reading that pentacle being are used for protection. 

Your eyes drift across the cluttered table in front of you and eventually land on your still steaming cup of tea. You finally take a sip of it. 

The taste of it is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. You can’t identify every component of it, and really it doesn’t matter too much. All you know is that it feels like a long overdue hug. The first sip is enough to fill you with a comfortable warmth, like rays of sun falling through the trees on the first warm morning of spring. 

You take another sip, once again savouring the subtle sweetness of the tea. You’ll have to ask Nick what’s in this. 

Nick is still out of sight somewhere, but you can hear him rummaging around in the distance. You’d expect yourself to feel uncomfortable being somewhat alone in a stranger's house, but everything about this place felt so comforting that you couldn’t possibly feel out of place. 

Something catches your attention then. The quiet scratching of claws against wood, followed by a slightly croaky purr makes you scan across the space to find the source of it. Your eyes land on the tuxedo cat that emerges from the lower compartment of one of the many overstuffed bookshelves. The cat stretches and shakes itself before it looks around the room for a moment. It wanders under the table, and you freeze up, trying not to scare it away. When you peek under the table, you see the cat coming towards you. It takes a moment to inspect you, before it moves past you pressing its body against your calf. 

You hear the cat hop onto something behind you. Turning around to check, you see that it has settled onto a pillow on the windowsill, lounging in the little sliver of sunlight that falls through the window there. 

Nick returns a little while later, carrying a few books in his arms. He stops, cocks his head to the side, and then smiles. You realise then that he’s not looking at you, but the cat.

“Now you show your face.” he shakes his head, “Where were you when I could have used your help, huh? Out fraternising with that damn vampire's cat, I bet.” 

He sets the books down on the table. 

“That’s Jerry. He’s supposed to be helpful.” he says, glaring at the cat, “He doesn’t usually show his face when I have visitors. Looks like a good omen to me.” 

Nick takes a sip from his own cup. He closes his eyes for a second and lets out a content sigh. 

He files through one of the books, turning the open pages towards you. 

“I can’t make it go away, but I can give you things that might help.” he offers, “How is the tea?”

“It’s really nice. I wanted to ask about it.”

Nick sits up a little straighter then, “Lemon balm, lemon verbena and lavender. I’ll fix up a jar for you to take home.”

He continues to explain a meditation method he’d read about a while ago. Nick shakes off your concern about having tried meditation before. 

“This is different. I think it’s worth a shot. I have some incense somewhere that might help too.” 

That evening, when you drive home, your chest feels a little bit lighter already. Maybe it’s just the idea of someone being so willing to help you. Nick has no ties to you, no reason to be this invested. But he’d still sent you home with a freshly mixed jar of the tea you’d had earlier, a written up version of the meditation technique and several cones of incense with a crescent moon holder. 

You’d also agreed that you’d come back the following week to report back. In the meantime, Nick would do research of his own to see what he could do. 

You’re not sure which of the things helps, but when you set out to see him again a week later, you find yourself feeling actually excited. 

Your visits become more and more frequent. Over the weeks, you learn that Nick doesn’t like to venture into town, and so you offer to take care of his errands there in return for his help. Weekly visits become twice a week, and before you know it, you find yourself stopping by at Nick’s whenever you can.

 Your mental health makes working pretty much impossible, and having something to do again feels genuinely good. On some days, Nick puts you to work in the garden behind the cottage. On others, you get to watch while he works on whatever it is he does in the kitchen. 

It’s almost November when he asks you to help him with the apples. 

“What exactly are we making?” you ask as you continue to peel yet another apple. 

“Half of these will be crumble and the rest compote.” 

You turn to watch Nick tip flour into a large ceramic bowl. Your momentary inattentiveness makes your knife slip. You drop it as soon as the pain hits. 

“Shit.” you cry out, wrapping your hand around your pointer finger.

Something behind you clatters, before Nick pushes himself in front of you. 

“Oh no.” he says quietly, pulling a kitchen towel from one of the cabinet handles. 

He presses the towel to your finger, before he steers you over to the large table. 

“Sit.” he urges, “Hold the towel there, I’ll be right back.” 

Nick rushes off into what you now know to be the bathroom. He returns with a few supplies a moment later. He kneels down in front of you, carefully taking your hand into his. 

“Let’s see.” He peels the towel away, and you can’t hold the wince, “I’m sorry, dear. I know.” 

He wipes the wound clean with a fresh towel, careful not to agitate it more. 

“It’ll be good in a moment.” Nick soothes, “Just have to see how bad it is.” 

The sound he makes then tells you that it’s quite bad. 

Nick picks up one of the small tins he brought over from the bathroom. He applies some of the salve to the cut. It stings just a little bit, but not enough to be of note. He wraps a small bit of muslin around your finger, before he takes your hand into his again. You watch as his eyes close and his head drops. You’ve seen Nick work his magic before when Jerry got into scuffles with other animals during his nightly outings, but you had never felt it yourself. 

As his focus narrows down on you, warmth spreads out from your finger. It travels up your arm and through your chest. You can’t take your eyes off him. Nick’s whole body seems to have a faint golden glow to it. 

Just as the warmth threatens to get too intense, it fades out. 

Nick remains with his head bowed for a moment longer. He peels back the muslin. All that remains of the cut is a small crescent moon shaped scar just above the first joint. 

“There you go.” Nick says quietly, “All good.” 

He looks up at you with a soft smile. 

Your heart makes a little thump then. You’d noticed it before when he looks at you. At first, you thought that it was nothing but the beginnings of a good friendship. By now, you are sure that it is so much more than that. But then again, you’ve only known Nick for a little over two months, and you have no idea if that is even something he’s interested in. 

The moment pops when Jerry forces his way between the two of you. He lets out a very displeased sound, making it known that it’s time for him to get attention again. 

Nick huffs out a laugh before he drops his head again. He scratches the top of Jerry's head before he eventually rises from the floor. 

It takes you a moment to catch up with him again. The way he had looked at you still lingers in your mind when you rejoin him in the kitchen. Nick hands you the freshly cleaned knife, and you resume your apple peeling duties as if nothing at all had happened. 

Thankfully, the rest of the afternoon continues without larger incidents. You can’t tell if it’s in your imagination or not, but you think that Nick looks at you more often. And even if he does, you’re sure that it’s just to make sure that you haven’t injured yourself again. Working with him like this is incredibly comfortable. You don’t speak a lot, but you don’t feel as if you need to say a lot either. There’s no pressure to make idle conversation. 

With the crumble finally in the oven and the last jars of compote sealed, you finally sit down in the chair on his front porch. Nick had sent you ahead with a blanket, knowing that you tended to get cold easily. He joins you just a moment a later, with two steaming mugs in his hands. He hands one to you and sets the other down on the rickety little table between the chairs. 

For a while, you sit in silence, enjoying the serenity of the glade. 

You look over at Nick, only to find him shifting uncomfortably. You think that he looks as if he wants to say something, but doesn’t know if he should. And so you reach out, poking your finger into his shoulder. 

“Nick?”

He twitches, head quickly snapping towards you, “Yes dear?” 

“Everything okay?” 

Nick takes a rushed sip of his tea. He contemplates for a moment longer, and you have to admit to yourself that the way his expressions shift as he tries to make up his mind is rather cute. 

“Interrupt me if I’m touching on something off limits.” he begins, “Sometimes when I heal I get glimpses of that person's emotions. It’s nothing deep or elaborate, just a snapshot, if you will. And when I touched you –”

He doesn’t have to finish for you to know what he’s trying to get at. The pang of relief that had hit you when the pain shot through your body still lingered with you. It’s been a while since you’d purposefully taken a blade to your skin. Long enough for you to think that the gratification wouldn’t be there any more. You’d fought so hard to keep yourself from doing it this time. 

You can’t stop yourself from crying then. Nick’s hand curls around yours immediately. He doesn’t try to stop you, doesn’t tell you that it’ll be alright. You’d kept all of these feelings bottled up inside of you for so long, that you couldn’t stop them from bubbling over now. 

Nick lets you cry until the tears stop falling. 

Against what you’d expected, you don’t find pity or worry on his face. He meets you with a warmth that takes some of the ache away. 

You tell him then.

Every detail that you’d hidden so far. The awful memories you’d kept so close to your chest. Even the ones that you’d never felt comfortable enough to share with therapists. 

And Nick listens so patiently. 

For a brief moment, you feel bad for unloading all of this on him, but he quickly dismisses that idea. 

The sun has long disappeared behind the trees when you finish, and you shiver in the cool night air. 

“I don’t think that I’ve ever told anyone all of that.” you finally admit. 

“Thank you for trusting me with it.” Nick replies, squeezing your hand, “I want you to know that you can always come to me. It doesn’t matter what time it is, if you need a friend – someone to talk to – I’m here.” 

Nick offers you to stay at the cottage for the night. He’s adamant that you take his bed, not budging no matter how hard you try to change his mind. While his bed is nice and comfortable, you can’t help but feel bad for him. And after two hours of tossing and turning, you creep down the stairs into the main space of the cottage again. 

You find Nick still awake, buried deep in a book. He looks up when you step onto a particularly creaky tread. 

“Can’t sleep?” he asks, looking up from his book. 

“Could ask you the same.” 

He places the book on the low coffee table in front of the sofa. 

“I just feel bad about making you sleep on the sofa in your own house.” you admit quietly.

“What, you want to cuddle up?” it’s a humorous suggestion, but you can’t deny the appeal of it. 

Nick doesn’t wait for your answer and makes his way towards you. He follows you back up the stairs without another word.

Settling into bed with him is a little awkward at first. Both of you try to find a comfortable spot without getting too close to the other, even when you wouldn’t mind curling up next to him. This time, sleeps finds you easily. 

You wake up to a gloomy morning. The gentle rapping of rain on the roof makes you want to stay in bed for just a while longer. You pull the fluffy duvet around yourself, sinking just a little deeper into the warmth of the bed. You’ve been up in the attic of Nick’s cottage a few times, but never for this long. Just like the rest of the place, it’s so warm and comfortable up here. Most of the wooden cladding is covered with beautiful tapestries that mirror the Persian carpet that fills most of the space. 

Nick is still fast asleep next to you. He looks so peaceful, brow furrowed just a little bit. You almost want to reach out to smooth your thumb over the crease. You don’t want to overstep, though. 

Instead, you crawl out of bed as carefully as you can without waking Nick up. You know that he likes to start his morning with a strong black coffee. Just like you. 

By now you know your way around his kitchen and finding the ceramic filter, coffee grounds and his favourite mug doesn’t take you all too long. Manoeuvring the kettle was a different story, but you manage to make it work. 

By the time you climb back up the steep stairs towards the attic, Nick has already stirred from his slumber. He’s still hidden under the down duvet, but you can hear him quietly talking to Jerry. 

Nick looks up when he hears you approach and flashes you a sweet smile. 

“You’re a darling.” he says softly when you hand him his mug. 

You sit next to him on the bed, once again getting comfy. 

Nick takes a long sip from his coffee, letting out a content sigh. 

“Sleep alright?” he asks then, turning to towards you. 

You nod, “Thank you for letting me stay here.”  

“Of course.” 

You both fall silent for a while, comfortably nursing your coffees. You shuffle a little closer to him, allowing you to rest your head against his shoulder. Nick’s hand finds its way to your legs, resting comfortably above your knee. He presses a kiss to the top of your head, and you feel yourself melt on the inside. 

You don’t know where this is going to take you, all you know is that you’ve never felt this comfortable around another person. You don’t know how he does it, but Nick manages to make you feel as if you can beat this and come up on top, and really that’s good enough for you. 

By Yule, you’ve basically moved into the cottage with Nick.  It’s quiet and comfortable, and it does wonders for your health. You know that you still have a long path in front of you, but with Nick at your side, it doesn’t feel impossible any more. You’re busy with a batch of cookies when Nick comes in, a few extra logs for the fireplace under his arm. 

He shoves his freezing cold hands under your knit sweater, as he wraps his arms around you. You let out a little squeak in reaction, to which he gives an amused chuckle. 

“Smells good, what are you making?” he asks, resting his chin on your shoulder.

You lean back against his chest, “Just sugar cookies.” 

He presses a kiss to your cheek, “Can’t wait. Do you need help?” 

You shake your head, “Go get showered. We can start dinner when you’re done.” 

Nick kisses your cheek again before he detaches himself from you, “Won’t be long.” 

As he heads towards the bathroom, Nick stops where Jerry is napping on the sofa. And when you look over to them, you realise that you’ve finally made it home. 

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[concreteburialplot]

Banana Spa

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x fem!reader

masterlist: here | crossposted: ao3 | word count: 9.6k

summary: you decide to treat your boyfriend to an at home spa day before he leaves for tour again :)

warnings/themes: established relationship, sugary sweet fluff ???¿ who am i??¿, briefly sad??, light sub/dom dynamics, soft dom nick, sub reader, massage, praise kink?, pet names sorry not sorry, bathtub sex, use of a shower head, v fingering, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, orgasm delay, pnv (unprotected), riding, semi-realistic? aftercare, caregiver nick, MUSHY SORRY, again nick has a big fat one, don’t think too hard about the logistics ok, 18+ MDNI

a/n; this originally began as a nice short fluffy piece but... alas, the sad and horny demons took hostage 😅 it's just who i am okay 😭 only sad for a bit though! kinda

a/n: don't like it don't read it. don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

You stamped a knee at each side of Nick’s sides, settling yourself in his lap. His hands instinctively found your hips to have something to anchor to.

“Alright babe you gotta cooperate with me, okay?” You giggled, taking his cheeks in your hands.

He blinked up at you with his aqua eyes gleaming, so enamored with you to even care what you were doing in his lap, simply happy that you were there.

You began brushing hair out of his face and gathering it into a low, untethered bun to expose the entirety of his features. He was beautiful, nothing new to you of course, but at times like then, you couldn’t help but be awe-struck of him. He was yours and you were his.

You reached over to the table beside you to pick up some toner and soaking a cotton round with the liquid. You took it to his face, starting at his cheekbones. He hissed at the coldness of it against his warm skin.

“This smells so… chemically, are you sure it’s safe?” He asked as a half-joke and with a slightly nervous chuckle.

“Very sure my love.” A reassuring grin tugging at the corners of your mouth. “You think I would put harmful chemicals on your pretty face?” You swiped the cotton round down his nose and used it to boop the tip.

A barely visible peach coated his cheeks, if you hadn’t been so close to him, you would’ve missed it.

“I don’t know, maybe you wanna scorch my face off so the fans stop liking me.” A playful smirk draped over lips.

You rolled your eyes and squeezed his cheeks between your fingers, tilting his face upwards to meet your gaze. “Oh honey,” You cooed playfully. “The fans would simp over you even if your nose fell off.”

A true laugh rumbled through his chest and tumbled out of his lips. “Yeah, whatever.” He brushed off the statement as if you just told him the sky was green. “What’s next?” He inquired genuinely, letting his eyes drop back to your arsenal on the table.

“Hmm…” You peered over behind you and tapped your fingertips on your chin. “Oh! Yes, I forgot I got this for you!”

Your fingers plucked a small yellow glass vile. You twisted the lid and squeezed the rubber part between two fingers then released it to let the pipette fill completely.

“Let me know if this smell reminds you of anything.” You slowly and carefully slid the tip of the glass pipette across his cheek, disposing serum along the way.

His nostrils flared and restricted in short consecutive spurts trying to let the aroma fill his nose entirely. His brows knitted for just a second as he processed the smell before his eyes grew sparkly and excited. “Banana?” He asked with hesitancy still lining his words, regardless of the indistinguishable scent.

You giggled and love filled your entire chest at his adorable reaction. “I knew you’d love it.” You sighed happily and utterly love drunk.

“Hm, I love you.” He countered, admiring the pointed, concentrated face you wore as you focused on rubbing in the product. “That stuff’s made from bananas?”

“I love you too baby.” You smiled and leaned down to gently grab his face again, this time to bring your lips to his. A smile curled onto his lips against yours, sweetening the kiss. You couldn’t help but mirror the grin and savor the adoration. “Hm, I think banana enzymes or something? I don’t really know.”

You straightened back up in his lap again, using your curled index finger to tilt his chin up and swivel his face from one side to the other analyzing his skin.

“Admiring your work?” He laughed, feeling a little silly and a little insecure from being studied so closely.

“Just trying to see if you have any spots that need a little extra attention.” You hummed. “But surprise, surprise the man that only uses face wash has perfect skin.”

His chest puffed out a little involuntarily, as if you just invigorated him with newfound confidence after being so foolishly insecure. “Well, would you look at that.” He smirked.

“Yeah, yeah.” You waved him off jokingly before reaching to pick up a thin packet from the table. “Still gonna make you do a face mask though.”

He groaned, “No, no not the clay stuff again.” He winced at the memory of the chalky mud you had once put on him that somehow ended up all over his hair…and eyebrows, and ears, and fingernails, and ʘ necklace, and his favorite Paul Rudd Fanclub shirt.

The Great Face Mask Incident of 2023™️

You couldn’t help but laugh at the same memory. “No, no. I would never put you through that again.”

Nick let out a relieved sigh as if he had just gone through some war flashbacks. “Thank god.”

“No, I think you’ll quite like this one.” You pressed your lips together to not give away just excited you were to show him the mask you had in store for him.

You carefully pulled the folded sheet mask from the packet, letting any excess drip back into the pouch before setting it to the side. You then began delicately unfolding the thin fabric of the mask. Nick’s brows knitted together, and his head cocked to the side slightly like a confused puppy as he tried to gather what sort of potential torture device you were preparing for him. Finally, you unveiled the round sheet with the likeness of a cartoon tuxedo cat.

His silver eyes lit up the second he realized. “It’s Jerry!” It melted your heart at just how wide his smile got, all toothy and reaching his eyes.

You giggled and nodded, “It sure looks a lot like him, doesn’t it?”

Once you were able to keep him from wiggling around, you put the mask on, tugging it here and there to get it taut and symmetrical.

“There, now you look just like your son!” You chuckled behind your hand, looking at how adorably ridiculous your boyfriend looked.

He smirked as much as could beneath the mask, “Yeah where do you think he got his good looks from?”

You rolled your eyes and gently smacked his arm but there was no malice behind either action, “At least Jerry has humility.”

He gazed up at you with a small, sweet smile painted on his lips and love coating the soft curves of his features. “Yeah, that he got from you.” He said casually, like it rolled off his tongue without even thinking twice about it.

Your heart swelled so big in your chest that it was threatening to breach your ribcage. Nicholas had Jerry long before you entered the picture but since getting together a little over a year ago, Jerry had become your biggest fan. Since day 1 he followed you around everywhere and if you were resting on any surface, he was there to claim you as his temporary bed. In your time together Nick had never once even joked about you being Jerry’s other fur-parent. It was a small frivolous thing, but you knew the weight it held. You didn’t know if he had just said it without realizing or if he truly meant it, but in your heart, you were choosing to believe the latter. Either way you opted out of making a big deal about it.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” You gasped at your own brain urgently reminding you of a crucial step. You nearly leapt off him and bolted to the kitchen. Within seconds the project at hand was executed and ready for placement.

You scurried back over to him, this time standing behind his seat on the couch. “Alright, close your eyes and tilt your head back.”

“You got it boss.” He teased and did as you asked. It made you wonder just how much he’d cooperate with taking other orders – but that was a daydream for a much different day. “Cucumbers?”

“Somethin’ like that.” You held back a giggle and placed two banana slices over each closed eyelid. “Okay, all done!”

His nose scrunched up towards the objects on his eyes, “Bananas?!”

You finally let out the laugh you’d been holding back and placed a kiss atop his head. “Now you got all your favorite stuff, cats and bananas!” You circled around his seat and climbed into his lap again.

“And you.” He smiled softly while his callused hands instinctively found your hips again.

Your cheeks heated up and your stomach filled with butterflies. No matter how silly he looked, he could always get you to melt in his hands. “Oh, shut up.”

“Remind me why we’re doing this again?” He asked.

Your grin faltered a bit at his question, and you paused to think about your answer. You let your hand fall gently just below his neck, sliding down slowly while your fingers softly laced beneath the silver chain of his necklace. You let the thorny pendant rest on your fingers as you admired it. As much as you hated the calm before the storm and selfishly despised the reason for it, you knew it’s what you signed up for and what brought him the most joy. Your thumb ran over the thorny crown, grateful for the amount of time you’d been able to spend with him during this break. This was maybe your 3rd or 4th run at him leaving for tour and while you could tell that it was getting easier, it was extremely slow progress. It seemed as though each time felt like the first time all over again. Your eyes fluttered closed in a feeble attempt to tame the burning in your eyes and the tears threatening to appear. You took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in your throat knowing that letting him see you like that would not only ruin the moment but make him feel guiltier than he already did, which was exactly the opposite of what the activity meant to accomplish.

“Baby?” He pressed after you’d gone silent for a bit.

You cleared your throat and blinked the tears away, forcing a smile onto your face so that it could be heard in your words. “Sorry love,” You wrapped your hand around the pendant just hard enough that the thorns stabbed into your palm, perhaps hoping that the pain could force the ache away, or maybe in hopes that if you stamped yourself hard enough with him, he could always stay with you. “Just got distracted. What did you ask?”

“I asked why we’re doing this? I feel really silly right now.” He laughed, though a little less bright than before. You hoped that he hadn’t picked up on your energy shift.

“Oh, um,” You looked down and released the hold on his necklace, letting your palms rest on his chest. “Just wanted to pamper you a little, before you have to go work so hard.” You tried your best to keep your voice light, but the sadness in your voice was unmistakable, at least to Nicholas.

His smile fell into a small frown, and it made you wish you had just lied, but you were never much of a good liar, especially not to him. He reached up pulling the banana slices off his eyes and placing them on a paper towel on the table. Somehow, he looked even goofier with the bananas off his eyes.

You suddenly felt flushed under his gaze – regardless of the cat mask still adorning his face. It was unclear whether it was the normal affect he had on you that was making you blush, or rather the vulnerability he’d caught you in.

“Baby,” He let out a sad sigh, “Is that what this is about?” His hands moved up to envelope your hips again, rubbing small comforting circles into the flesh beneath your shirt.

You shook your head vehemently, “No, no, I’m just tryin’ to spoil you honey, you deserve it.” You tried for a smile but couldn’t quite reach.

It was clear in his eyes that he wasn’t buying it. “Oh, let me get this cursed thing off of me.” He said, his hands already going to peel up the edges of the sheet mask but failing miserably.

A grin did pull at your lips watching him struggle and decided to take over. “Here, let me do it.” You laughed, gently swatting his hands away and pulling it off yourself and setting it on the table next to the forgotten bananas. “For someone who’s so good with his fingers, that sure was hard for you, huh?” You teased, attempting to deflect from the seriousness you’d just caused. All you wanted to do was go back to the soft, happy bubble you’d created before.

His inked hand trailed up your body to cup your cheek. “I’m gonna miss you so much, you know that right?”

You rolled your eyes trying your best to hold up your strong exterior, “Yeah, yeah, whatever, we don’t have to do this. We don’t have to talk about it, okay?” It took every bit of energy you had to yank each edge of your lips into a smile.

“Hey, don’t do that.” He frowned. “Maybe I wanna talk about it?”

“But you dooon’t though.” You whined, pressing on his chest slightly. “We were having a good time and I ruined it.” You whispered. Your eyes fluttered down to where your hands met his abdomen, faintly crinkling his faded Slipknot shirt between your fingers.

“Hey.” His hand found your chin and tilted it back up to face him once more. “I’ll be back before you know it.” He reassured the obvious.

“I know.” You mumbled and found your eyes dropping once again, not bearing the strength to look at him for too long. “I know what I signed up for. I know that it’s part of loving you.” Your hand rediscovered his necklace, flipping it between your fingers for comfort.

“Just because it’s part of the deal, doesn’t mean it’s not hard, y/n.” His voice was more firm that time, trying to cement the severity of his words.

“I know.” You groaned, frustrated that he wouldn’t just drop it.

He sighed, “I’m just saying it’s okay to be upset about it. And it’s okay to talk to me about it.” His thumb grazed over your cheekbone, enticing you to look at him. “We’re a team, remember?”

You released a long exhale finally relaxing a bit under his touch. “I know, Nicky, I know. I just didn’t want you to feel guilty and,” Your hand went up to wrap around his wrist and your eyes darted somewhere far away from him. “I didn’t want you to think that I can’t handle it.” Before he could respond your fingers gripped his wrist harder and the burning in your eyes returned. “I can handle it, I can.”

The crack in your voice didn’t go unnoticed by the male and all he wanted to do was scoop you up in his arms, but he knew better than to smother you when you were that emotional. “I know you can baby.” He said gently, using his thumb to wipe away a tear that was on the verge of escape. “I never questioned that. And if I ever do, then we’ll work through it,” He gently tapped the side of his thumb on your cheek to bring your attention back to him. “Together. Okay?”

You nodded against his palm, nuzzling into his touch. “Together.”

“That’s my girl.”  He smiled and pulled you down into a sweet kiss.

You pressed your forehead against his gazing into his eyes, tonight they were particularly grey. “You’re too good to me.” You said so quietly that if he wasn’t nose-to-nose to you, he wouldn’t have heard it.

He shook his head as much as he could without disturbing the moment, “No, I’m not good enough.”

“That’s not tr-“ You began but were quickly interrupted by his lips on yours again.

“Ah, ah.” He hummed once he pulled away, “I won’t be taking any back talk.”

Your cheeks burned bright cherry red that time, no amount of makeup could conceal it. Even though his words were light, you knew he wasn’t joking. Nicholas was an expert at imbedding dominance in featherlight touches and sweet nothings.

“Yes sir.” You replied instinctively.

The energy spiraled between you two had shifted from silly to emotional, to something entirely different now. His hands trailed up your sides beneath your shirt to rest both on your lower back.

“C’mon, you took such good care of me, now it’s your turn.” Without giving you any warning he scooped you up. You squeaked at the sudden action but instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck.

“Where are you taking meeee.”

“Well, we’re having a spa day, aren’t we? What’s a spa day without a bubble bath?”

You melted into him, loving the idea of a warm bath accompanied by him.

Nick began drawing the bath making sure to add all your favorite additives as you stood patiently waiting instruction. Once he was satisfied with the way the tub was filling, he sat on the edge and beckoned you over. “Come here angel.”

Your cheeks flushed with warmth at the name, taking a couple steps to stand between his legs. He began tenderly undressing you until you were completely bare in front of him.

He wasn’t shy with the way his eyes wandered down your body. “God you’re beautiful.” His words riding an infatuated exhale.

The strawberry pink already present on your cheeks only worsened. “Shush.” You wave off his compliment and used your arm to cover your chest.

He stood and took your chin between his index and thumb tilting your gaze up at him. “I won’t ever stop reminding you of how stunning you are.”

You shook your head out of his grasp. “Shut up Nicholas.” You said shyly.

He took your cheek in his grasp instead this time, getting more control of you. “What’s wrong baby? Am I getting you all flustered?”

You were sure your face was beet red now. “C’mon Nicky, stop messin’ around, the bath is getting cold.”

A satisfied smirk tugged one edge of his lips, finding amusement and pride in your blatant embarrassment. “As you wish princess.” He began to undress himself until he was matching your nude attire.

Your eyes did the same as his did earlier and raked down his body, lean and inked on almost every bit of him. You’d been with him for over a year and you still managed to find new tattoos on him that you’d never seen before. His body was a spectacular and endlessly interesting museum only you had the key to.

He didn’t wait for you and stepped over the porcelain into the large oval tub, letting his body sink down into the steaming water. Almost instantly your exquisite museum was engulfed in mountains of bubbles. “Well, you comin’? You were the one complaining about water ‘getting cold’.” He teased.

You rolled your eyes and cautiously dipped your toe into the water. You hissed and recoiled at the scalding temperature. “Fuck that’s hot.”

Nicholas chuckled at your reaction, “Still think it’s getting cold?”

“Shut up.” You mutter.

“Just take it slow baby, let your body get acclimated to the water.” He sounded patient but his eyes didn’t match – the longer you were under his gaze, the more you felt like an animal of prey being stalked.

After a bit of time getting your lower body get used to the water you were finally able to sink down between his legs and rest your back against his chest. A small sigh of relief left your lips at the feeling of soothing comfort with him. No matter the problem or hindrance, Nick always made everything okay. He made you feel safe and taken care of in a way you’d never felt before. Getting that feeling from a rockstar who’s constantly touring wasn’t something you ever imagined possible, but somehow, it was with him. It took a while for him to earn your trust, especially at the very beginning, the first time he toured just a month or two after making things official. But he made sure to prove his faithfulness in a multitude of ways – from sharing his location to sending pictures and videos frequently to even sending you flowers or other small gifts to let you know he was thinking of you. Life with Nicholas wasn’t perfect, but it was a dream.

His fingers first found your shoulders, digging his thumbs into the wound-up tense muscles at the base of your neck.

“Mmm.” You hummed at the sensation and leaned further back against him. “That feels so good baby.”

“Yeah?” He asked, kissing the side of your head.

“Mhm.” Your eyes fluttered shut as you sank a little further into the water.

He spent some time working through the knots in your neck and shoulders. Wherever he pressed his fingertips felt like he was releasing a world of tension.

“That’s it, just relax.” His hands drifted down past your shoulders and onto your sides, using his thumb to rub circles into the muscles of your back - as best he could in your position anyway.

As his hands trailed lower you felt a flutter fill your tummy and settle in your core. You didn’t even realize you were squirming until his hands found and gripped your hips hard. “Stay still.” He ordered quietly just below your ear.

A shiver ran through you at his gravelly voice stealing the air in your throat. You did as he said, as much as you could, and hoped it’d be good enough for him. His fingertips lowered, beginning to run up and down the curves of your hip bones. The close proximity of his fingers to your core was starting to make you dizzy. You sucked in a harsh breath when his hands traveled further down to massage your thighs. His fingers were diligent and determined with their placement and tempo, using his thumb to rub tight circles into the flesh of your upper inner thigh. There’s no way he couldn’t feel you nearly vibrating under his touch, and you had to restrain yourself from grabbing his hand to put him where you needed him the most.

You felt his lips curl into a sinister smile against your neck. “What’s wrong princess?” He asked condescendingly. “Am I not helping you relax?”

“No, no. You are.” You almost stutter out, trying to sound as confident as possible.

“Hm.” He hummed, gliding his fingers up the inner side of your thigh. “I wonder… what you do when you get all wound up like this when I’m away?” There was an edge to his question that erased any indication of genuine curiosity.

Your eyes widened at the question and your mind went fuzzy blank. “Well…I…um.” Was all you could get out, pathetically.

“Oh, c’mon baby.” He lowered himself to just below your ear. “Use your words for me. Tell me what you do.”

Your heart felt like it was colliding against your ribcage incessantly while simultaneously pooling your rampant pulse in your clit. “I-I,” You took a breath in a feeble attempt to steady your breathing. “I touch myself.” You blurted out, knowing it was both the truth and what he wanted to hear.

You didn’t need to look at him to know how wide and proud his smirk was.

“Good girl.” He hummed. “Why don’t you show me where you do that?”

Your eyes widened once again, this time swallowing all the saliva available in your mouth. Hesitantly, you reached out beneath the water and took hold of his wrist, bringing it between your legs. “Here.”

He used his hand to slowly cover and cup your core before carefully running his fingers through you. You wanted to whine at the small sensation but knew how pathetic you’d sound. “Thank you for showing me baby.” He acknowledged your obedience. “But I want you to show me exactly what you do.”

You’d show him anything at that point to keep his fingers on you, so you nodded and covered his hand with your own. You guided him to your clit that was buzzing and begging for his attention. Your middle and ring fingers pressed into his and prompted them to start moving in circular motions.

“Mmm.” He pressed a kiss to your neck before nipping at the skin like a predator taste-tasting his meal. “That feels good doesn’t it?”

Your head lulled itself on his shoulder, already getting lost in the pleasure blooming at his fingertips. “Mhm.” You mumbled with drooping eyelids.

He took control of the movements almost instantly, starting a display of one of his many talents. He let you savor his actions for a bit, knowing that the further gone you were, the more pliable you’d be in his hands. “Is this all you do baby? Or is there somewhere else you touch?” He asked already knowing the answer, just wanting you to say it.

His plan worked, as it always did, and you were nothing but an obedient ragdoll for him now. Every cell in your body wanted to bend to him – he had magic in his touch, you were completely certain of it.

Without any verbal response you just guided his working hand down to your entrance. That’s all the convincing he needed and carefully slipped two fingers into you. He let out a small, low groan the feeling of how tight you were around his fingers. You could feel his already hardening cock throb against your lower back. The sensation of his member against your skin while he was using his fingers to fuck you was bittersweet because now all you wanted was his cock filling you up instead.

“God you’re so fucking tight.” He nearly growled against your throat. “I’m gonna miss burying myself in your pretty cunt.”

You felt like you could disintegrate into thin air from how good you felt – yeah, his fingers working magic was one thing, but his words melted you completely. Being complimented and wanted, no – needed – by him was a high that no orgasm could ever touch.

“I need your cock, Nicky please.” You whined without caring how desperate you sounded. “Please, I need you.”

“Oh bunny, you know better than to rush me.” He tsked before moving to do something you didn’t expect. He kept his one hand fucking his fingers in and out of you rhythmically while curling in ever so slightly but brought the other back down on your throbbing clit.

A gasp left your mouth as he effortlessly used both hands to fuck you in the most delicious way. You had already been close just from his fingers curling right into your sensitive spot but now with his fingers rolling against your nub you were seconds from oblivion.

“Fuck.” You spat out urgently. “Fuck, fuck, I’m close – s-so fucking close.” You whimpered out, squeezing your eyes closed trying to keep from coming undone before you were allowed. “Fuck baby, please let me cum. Please can I cum?”

All he did was hum an “mhm” against your neck before you were seeing stars. Tingles seared across your body and your walls pulsed around his fingers.

“That’s it, cum all over my fingers like the good girl you are.”

The praise only intensified the orgasm, causing your back to arch from him. Your face lulled into the crevice of his neck letting him vividly hear all the noises you were making for him. Nick loved your noises as much as you loved his words – he made a mental note to record you next time so he could have something on the road. He could get off on the sound of you alone.

He gently pulled his fingers from you and slowly tapered his action on your clit, but not completely. He retained an agonizingly slow pace on your now overly sensitive nub. He kept the pace slow enough so it wouldn’t be uncomfortable for long until you started to feel good again.

You felt him reaching beside you for something but were too fucked out to pay attention. “Tell me baby, have you ever used this to help relax?” His voice was buttery smooth like blue suede.

Your brows furrowed above your closed eyelids, wondering what he was referencing. When you blinked your eyes open, they rounded to see him holding the detachable showerhead and was suddenly grateful for the extra-long cord you’d opted for. You shook your head and answered honestly. “No.” You’d always been curious but never actually tried.

Nicholas was an expert at knowing when you were lying so he believed you. “Here.” He tenderly scooped up your hand, cupping it in his own like a spoon. With a flick of his other thumb on the showerhead, a crazed stream of patterned water jutted from it. He brought it to the hand he was holding and let the stream hit your palm. “Is that too strong?” He questioned genuinely wanting to know your comfort level.

As much as the strength of the water inspired some more flurries in your core, you nodded shyly. “Too strong.” It was typical for your responses to become minimal once you entered any level of subspace. Having that amount of trust to even fall into that headspace was a luxury you only ever found with Nick. Trusting him was easier than you’d like to admit, it came as naturally as breathing air into your lungs.

“Okay.” His thumb spun the filter onto another setting. “How about this one?” He questioned even though he figured it would be a no since it was thin streams of water lining an empty tunnel.

That one made you giggle and shake your head since it obviously wouldn’t provide much pressure. Nick smiled at your adorable giggle, filling his chest with so much warmth and love, he had no idea what to do with it all. He pressed a kiss to your head before flipping to another setting.

A perfectly tempered stream danced in your palm – not too strong, not too weak, and the jet pattern was an enticing rhythm. You bit down on your bottom lip and nodded. “Good.”

Nick’s free hand found your tummy, pressing it flat against your stomach and slid down painfully slow between your legs. Your breath caught in your throat at the anticipation of his touch. He tenderly spread your legs further apart before using his fingers to spread your lips apart, baring you open so that the jet stream of water could land precisely where it was needed.

“Now sweetheart,” He began. “You were so good for me. You did as I asked, you used your words, you asked for permission.” He lowered the shower head into the water, and you felt the jet stream hit your thigh. It was stronger than you expected and suddenly both fear and excitement pooled in your core. “I want you to know that this is a reward. This is what good girls get. Do you understand?”

Your cheeks grew warm, and your breath hitched in your throat at his words. Before you had time to properly prepare, the strong pressure of the stream pummeled into your sensitive nub. You let out a loud squeak as intense pleasure coarsed your body and down your limbs.

“Baby. I asked you a question. Do you understand that I’m allowing you to feel this good? That this is a privilege?”

Your hands gripped his thighs at each side of you and nodded your head enthusiastically, “Yes sir, I do.” You barely got your words out past your heavy breathing.

He smiled against your neck, “That’s my girl. My best girl. Now what do you say?”

Your heart flooded with lovey pride and your brain filled with nothing but him. He encompassed your very being, every cell of your composition belonged to him. “Thank you.” Your head fell back on his shoulder as he brought the shower head closer to your cunt, only intensifying the pressure. “Thank you, thank you.” You repeated like a prayer.

“God, I can’t wait to fill that pretty pussy up with my cock.” The end of his words resembled something like a growl.

His evident need for you went straight to your stomach, helping to weave a knot that was ready to snap. You were surprised you’d lasted this long since this was easily one of the best feeling you’d ever felt. Knowing that something as convenient as a shower head held so much power was dangerous, especially now that you associated it directly with him.

The jet propulsion on your clit was deliciously brutal, each wave hitting you harder than the last as your sensitivity increased. Your legs began to tremble from the sheer amount of pleasure building up in your body begging for release. “Nicky.” You heaved out while your fingers dug into his thighs. “I can’t hold it, please.” Your request drenched in utter desperation. “Please let me cum, I need to cum baby please.”

Nicholas hummed at the request, mulling it over in his head. If this were any other day, under any other circumstances, he’d string out your orgasm as far as he wanted, but it was a day of relaxation after all.

“Go ahead,” He whispered, bringing the shower head just a tiny bit closer to nudge you over the edge. “Cum for me, will you? And don’t fight it okay? I wanna hear you.”

And with that, another orgasm blinded you, this one ripping through you more violently than the last. Your entire body was in sparking, euphoric bliss. Curses, screams and moans poured from your throat, all laced with his name.

“Oh, that’s it princess, let it all out for me.”

And you did just that. He kept the stream on your bud through your high and somewhere between his grainy voice talking you through and your overstimulation, another wave of pleasure washed over you. Your throat grew sore from your incessant noises that now probably sounded like gibberish sprinkled with his name.

He slowly drew the metal shower head away from your core to carefully lull you from your high. You were nothing but a heaving, shakey, fucked out mess in his grasp.

“Good job baby.” He pressed a kiss to the side of your head. “You did so good for me.”

A lazy smile spread across your lips and nodded slightly. His warmth was the only thing tethering you to reality.

He let you recover from your orgasms before moving on. His hands found your hips once more and pressed you against him. You felt his own arousal thick and hard against your lower back and it reminded you of the ache between your legs that only he could fill.

“You wanna turn around for me baby?”

While you felt like utter mush in his hands, his offer sparked the potential of having him inside you, and that was something you didn’t plan to pass up on. You nodded and shifted around in the water, letting the liquid slosh around tub even spilling out a bit unintentionally. “Oops.” You giggled.

“Hi angel.” He says softly with a crooked smile painted across his lips the second his eyes meet yours. Sure, he held the reigns in the bedroom and most other areas of your relationship, but it was no secret that you were the one with complete control over him. You made him weak in ways he never imagined being, he would give you anything you wanted if you just batted your lashes at him. He was putty in your hands, and he loved it.

He looked so beautiful, and you suddenly felt scammed knowing that you had your back to him looking like that the whole time. His raven hair had fallen from the makeshift bun from the couch and was now splayed over his shoulders, the ends now damp and pointy. You couldn’t wait one more second without his lips on yours, so you scooped up his face in both hands and met his lips with yours. You broke the kiss to press your forehead against his, wanting to engulf yourself fully in his stormy eyes. “I love you.” You whispered.

“I love you too.” He replied matching your whisper. His hands found your hips again, pulling you towards him – not out of desire to intensify the moment, but simply to have you closer. “God, I love you more than anything.”

Peachy pink dusted your cheeks and the smile that his words brought to your lips was embarrassingly wide. You shied away from him and shook your head, “You’re being silly.” Out of all the grand things in his life, you were sure that you were the least exciting or interesting part.

His hand trailed warm water up your arm to pick up your chin, “I’d never joke about that.” His thumb grazed over your cheekbone, cupping your cheek. “I’m so grateful for the patience you’ve given me, given us. You might be the best thing to ever stumble into my life.”

Every atom in your body begged to mesh with him. It only took one exchanged look between you two for your bodies to rearrange so you could sit on his lap. Your lips collided, followed by a messy display of clashing teeth and hungry tongues. Your passion was fueled only by the blind love you had for him and your desire to prove that his love for you was warranted. Your fingers tangled into the base of his dark hair, tugging at it slightly needing every bit of him entwined with your very molecules. He kept one hand on your hip while the other held tangled in your own wet hair.

As much as you wanted to keep telling him how much you loved him, you couldn’t bear to break away from him even for a second. If you couldn’t tell him, you’d show him.

You rutted your hips up his thighs until you felt the base of his member rest against your bare cunt. He let a groan out into the kiss at the feeling of you against him. One of your hands fell from his hair to his length, your fingers instinctually molded around the silky soft flesh. It never ceased to impress you at just how big he was and no matter how many times you’d had him it never eased the ache of taking him.

His sizeable cock was decorated with bulging veins from the blood that coursed through him. Even though your fingers had grown to be expertly familiar with his anatomy, you still loved exploring him, tracing each vein with your fingertips. This earned you another grunt from somewhere deep in his chest and you pridefully smiled against the kiss.

You finally gave him what you knew he wanted, wrapping a hand around this girth and began palming him slowly. His member had a delicious upward curve to it that helped to reach the deepest and most sensitive part of you. Your mouth was watering at just the feeling of him in your hand – in that moment you could’ve sworn that you would do absolutely anything to have it inside you. It was not a want, but a carnal need.

He finally had enough and pulled from the kiss, “Baby, please.” He breathed out against your lips, his love drunk eyes heavy with lust as he looked up at you. “I need your pussy.” His chest rose and fell in time with yours, needing you just as badly as you needed him.

You nodded quickly against him before lifting yourself up enough to hover over him. Regardless of how much you wanted it, you still had to mentally prepare yourself for the initial pain. Nick helped align himself with your entrance while keeping a supportive hand on your hip bone. You exhaled a deep breath.

Sensing your hesitation, he gave your hip a small squeeze, “You can take it baby, just go nice and slow. We have all the time in the world.” He reassured you, letting you set the pace.

You nodded and carefully began to sink down on him. A hiss escaped your mouth at the way his width stretched you open. Your hand fell to his shoulder for support as you struggled to pull yourself further down.

Nicholas’ eyes couldn’t soak you up enough, he was mesmerized at the sight of you. He wished he could burn it into his brain. “God, you look so fucking pretty taking my cock.”

His compliment only made you more determined to push past the pain and discomfort. When you felt your cervix land on his tip you knew that was as far as you could take him. While you couldn’t reach his base fully, you were still surprised and proud of yourself for being able to take so much of him in that position.

He let out a low groan at the feeling of your cunt tightly enveloping his cock. “You feel so fucking good.”

You expelled a breath then swirled your hips with him still deep inside you. The goal was to adjust to his size before riding him. The stretch burned but you knew it’d sweeten once you started moving.

The way he gazed up at you made you weak and your body gave into him, falling into the crook of his neck. You began placing open mouth kisses on his tattooed throat while your hips started swiveling on him. Light, airy moans tumbled from you lips and onto his neck. His hands gripped your hips tighter, letting out a grunt from somewhere deep in his chest.

“Fuck,” He groaned, letting his head fall back into the ledge of the tub. “I need you to move baby, I need more.”

You nodded quickly, needing it just as badly. Your hands slipped off him to stabilize yourself on the porcelain ledge. It gave you enough balance to raise your hips up almost fully, before dropping them where he filled you the fullest.

“That’s it, you’re doing so good.” He groaned out, his eyes droopy and drunken by only his love for you.

The praise helped motivate you to keep going even though the stretch burned. But you got to control the pace and the depth you could handle – although part of you wished he did have control so that he would forego any hindrances and use you up fully.

You gained momentum on him, bouncing up and down on his cock. Water splashed everywhere, over the ledge and all over the floor but that was the furthest thing on your mind. The room was filled with moans, grunts and cursed from both of you. You felt the knot beginning to form in your tummy as did he. But his surprises weren’t done yet.

He reached over to where he’d placed the shower head, easily flipping it on to the previous setting. Your eyes rounded as he began to lower it towards the water and you shook your head vigorously. “No, no, no.” You cried. “I won’t last, please, no.”

His other hand drifted down your spine with a feather light touch. “Well, that’s the point sweetheart.” He hummed. “Don’t you wanna cum again for me baby?” He questioned patronizingly. You knew that tone and you knew it meant it wouldn’t be as easy as he was eluding.

He continued his actions and aimed the powerful stream of water directly at your clit. A jolt of pure electricity zipped up your spine and down your thighs. Your entire body shuddered at the sudden and intense sensation. Your fingertips curled into his skin, surely branding claw marks into his flesh. “God, fuck.” You exclaimed loudly, barely able to move.

“Now, baby, remember that cumming is a privilege remember? I could very well leave you all worked up with your pretty pussy clenching around nothing if you misbehave.” He warned. “Do you understand?”

You nodded quickly, slipping your tongue between your lips. But that of course wasn’t enough for him.

His hand tightened on your hip and brought the shower head a bit closer to heighten the sensation. “I believe I asked you a question darling.” His voice deep and raspier than normal. “Do you understand? You know I need to hear it.”

“Yes,” You shuddered out. “Yes, sir. I understand.” You couldn’t seem to catch your breath, the air in your lungs completely vacant. Your heart thumped so hard against your ribcage you thought it might shatter and burst in front of him and splinter his own chest.

“Good girl.” He praised. “Now, I don’t remember telling you that you could stop moving.”

You whined in near agony, squeezing your eyes shut and slowly beginning your movements again. “Fuck.” You lulled your head back, buzzing pleasure spreading through every bit of you.

“Faster.” He commanded. “Or I’m gonna make this very unpleasant for you.”

His sweetness was long gone and replaced by the Nick you had grown very familiar with. You’d never guess by his normal relaxed and reserved demeanor that he’d have this overwhelming dominance in bed, but you loved it. It was as though something in him would take over, like he’d try to fight it to stay sweet and romantic, but it rarely lost the fight. It was thrilling to watch his internal battle; you’d seen it so often that you had memorized the shift in his eyes and subtle change in his cadence.

You rarely chose to challenge his threats and today was no different, So, you began lifting and dropping your hips against his lap, taking in fully – or as much as you could anyway. His free hand slithered up your side to cup your breast, kneading the plump flesh in his grasp. His stare couldn’t seem to stay on any solid one part of you, darting from your tits bouncing as you moved, to your face contorting with the overwhelming pleasures you were experiencing, to down where you were connecting with him. He looked at you the way people look at monuments or ancient architecture. He didn’t care about a single other wonder in the world because he was convinced you were the only one in existence. You were an art museum to him, every single installation he could study for hours and never grow bored of your beauty and the delicate nature of your soul. He was utterly infatuated with and devoted to you.

It became difficult to continue riding him without getting sloppy from another orgasm building quickly in your stomach. Your clit was buzzing and threatening to tip you over the edge at any moment. The way he filled you up only made it worse – being full of him made the time without him even more empty. You’d never had someone fill you up so much, he made it hard to even clench around him. It was an incredible experience and one that would make having anyone else subpar. He had set the bar so high that it made it impossible for anyone else to measure up to him. If he ever decided he’d had enough of you, you’d spend the rest of your days seeking bits of him in anyone you ever let touch you. He’d certainly haunt you worse than phantom ever could.

Thankfully, from the way his cock throbbed and bounced inside you, told you that he was getting close too. Your heart thumped so hard in your throat that you questioned if you’d even be able to speak.

“I-I’m close.” You whimpered out. “Can I cum?”

He tsked at the request. “Now baby, I taught you better that. You’re forgetting my favorite word. Try again.”

Your palms dug into his chest at his rebuttal. “Fuck.” You closed your eyes attempting to stave off your orgasm. “Fuck, please.” You begged. “God, fuck, please, I need to cum. Please can I cum?”

“Hm.” He feigned a thought. “No, not yet. Hold it.”

You shook your head vigorously, “No, no, no, please I can’t. I won’t make it, I’m so close. I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop it.”

“You can and you will.” He said simply. “And if you don’t, you don’t wanna know how much you’ll regret it.”

His face was serious, but you could tell that the excitement was growing in his belly too. You swore that he thrived over your desperation, he loved seeing you squirm and bringing to the edge of your limits. It was sadistic the way he was fueled by your anguish. You don’t know if you’d ever admit it, but you enjoyed being commanded and used like a plaything. Being at his mercy was a thrill you loved chasing, especially knowing he’d always catch you.

You scrunched your eyes closed and bore down on your teeth holding on to the tattered thread left holding you on to your sanity. “Fuck.” You breathed out. It was almost painful how your sensitive nub throbbed beneath the powerful stream of water and how tight the knot in your tummy had grown. His tip assaulting your cervix intensified everything and overbearing pleasure was looming merely seconds way from shattering your resolve. “Fuck, fuck.” You whined. “Fuck, please, please let me cum, I need it so bad. Please I don’t want to disobey you but I’m so close, I need to cum, please – fuck, I can’t hold it, fuck fuck, please can I cum?” Your pathetic groveling was a pitiful display, but it was one that Nicholas could barely handle himself. He could get off from the hymns of your desperation alone.

“Fuck I love when you sound like that.” He groaned. “Fine baby, cum all over my fucking cock.” If he hadn’t been so close himself, he surely would’ve stretched out the torture.

As if you needed anymore help, he brought the shower head even closer. The heightened sensation instantly blinded you, causing your entire body shudder as sparking euphoria bloomed from your core. This orgasm was more powerful than the others due to the delayed pleasure and his length hitting your sensitive spot directly. The moans and curses that left your mouth were vulgar and smeared with the unholy devotion you had for him. Every cell in your body belonged to him just as he demanded it.

Your walls tightly clenching around him was his tipping point. “God, you look so fucking good with my cock so deep inside you.” He growled, gripping your hip hard enough to leave bruises behind. “Fuck baby you’re gonna make me cum.”

You were too lost in your own bliss to really hear what he said until you felt his length twitch inside you followed by his warm seed filling your core. If you weren’t so overspent, the feeling alone could’ve sent you into another orgasm – but seeing as you were still working through your own, you weren’t that concerned about it.

As you both came floating down from your highs, he flipped off the shower head and set it to the side ledge. You had fallen on his chest while your heaving chests rose and fell in time with each other’s. His fingertips raked through the slightly damp hair of your scalp. You purred and smiled at the affection gesture.

He grinned at the reaction, “I love you.” His buttery words fell from his lips in a tone just above a whisper.

Nick would never admit it, but he was extremely talented at almost anything he ever picked up. If he gave it a good honest try, it wouldn’t take long for it to become second nature. He never imagined that there would be anything in the world that would come easier than a graphite pencil or tattoo gun or almost any instrument he picked up. He knew his tattoo gun and his favorite guitar like the back of his hand and while he’d never fully believe it, he already knew you that way too. As with everything else, just because he was a master-of-all didn’t mean there were never any bumps or challenges or hardships – pencils snap, tattoo guns malfunction, and sometimes strings don’t want to tune just how you want them - above all else, Nicholas knew that the most. He knew the best things in life were never easy, but that never stopped him before and it certainly wasn’t going to stop him now.

“I love you too.” You muttered sleepily into the crook of his neck.

The satisfaction of inking a particularly difficult design or mastering a challenging new riff could never compare to the feeling he got from hearing you say those words.

“C’mon, let’s get you dry and warm.” He gently patted your hip and you nodded, using every bit of strength in your body to sit yourself upright.

Nicholas was incredible in his element. It’s one thing to be able to take control sexually, but it’s a whole other thing to be able take gentle control outside of that – and he did, effortlessly. He carefully pulled you off him and got you standing on your feet. He only allowed the air conditioning to dance on your skin for a millisecond before he wrapped a big fluffy towel around you. You tugged the terrycloth fabric so tight against your skin that you were sure you’d have imprints of the threads embedding into your skin. When you lifted your leg over the porcelain, you felt the familiar ache between your thighs that always came from loving him. It wasn’t the worst you’d felt, since you had set the pace, but the water supplied no lubrication, and you were definitely feeling the repercussions.

Nick wrapped a towel around his waist and unplugged the bath drain. When he finally made his way back over to you. When you were both barefoot it really emphasized just how much he actually towered over you. The water droplets glistening across his tan, inked skin made him look like a work of art. Your eyes traced his collarbones and landed on the thorny pendent you were fidgeting with before.

“Oh yeah, before I forget.��� You didn’t realize what he was doing until he pulled the necklace from neck and gently draped it over your head. It landed way longer on your chest but it didn’t matter. Your fingers found the pendent and immediately rubbed it for comfort.

“I can’t take this.” You claimed, but the smile that had already made home on your face said otherwise.

He smiled and took your jaw into one hand and placed his other hand over yours covering the necklace. “I’ll always be with you now. If you miss me or get anxious just squeeze it, and I’ll be right there with you. Okay?”

Tears burned your eyes, but you were determined to keep it together, the last thing you wanted to do was cry in front of him naked and shivering. You nodded quickly, “Thank you.” You whispered, hiding a sniffle.

“You’re welcome baby.” He said and placed a quick kiss to your forehead.

He gently grasped your shoulders giving them a little rub to warm you up before guiding you back into the bedroom. The edges of his lips dipped into a frown the second he noticed your limping.

“Oh baby, did I hurt you? I knew we should’ve gotten out of the bath-” He always began to panic ramble if he thought he might’ve hurt you or not taken care of you properly.

You giggled at his worrisome nature and placed a finger over his lips. “It’s okay, really.” You reassured and watched his anxiety disappear. “But it does hurt.” Your lips pulled together in a pout. “Fix it?”

A small smile pulled across his lips and he nodded knowing exactly what that meant.

The time after with Nicholas somehow always felt more intimate. He was driven to love you the best way he knew how, and you relished in the safety he wrapped you in. No matter how rough he got in bed, afterwards he always handled you like a freshly plucked gardenia. He was convinced that if he even grabbed you the wrong way you’d crumble. But he loved it, he was sure that if he was put on this earth to do one thing, it was to take care of you.

After applying some numbing cream where you ached the most and getting you into some fresh pajamas, you were finally exactly where you wanted to be. You were tucked right into Nick’s side, cozy under the covers, sharing a pint of pistachio ice cream while watching reruns of your favorite mutual comfort show.

You looked up at him when he laughed at something silly in the show and the glow from the tv illuminated his features beautifully through the darkness. In that moment, he gave you every bit of reassurance you needed to handle him being gone. You were his and he was yours, and as long as you loved him, he’s always come home to you if you let him.

He glanced down at you, catching you in your admiring stare. The edges of his lips pulled taut into a wide, toothy smile.

“Bob’s Burgers is over there you know.” He teased, tilting his head across the room.

You giggled and burrowed your face into his chest. “You’re much more entertaining.”

He chuckled in disbelief, “Am I?”

“Mhm.” You hummed, getting sleepy the second your head touched his chest.

He laughed softly and precariously plucking the empty pint of pistachio from your dozing grasp to put on the bedside table. He pulled you closer to him and tugged the fluffy duvet higher to cover you both.

Before you let sleep envelope you, you felt his fingers tenderly massaging your scalp. “I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you too, Nicholas.” You hummed back lovingly, nuzzling into his chest.

Taglist; @neverknoah @lma1986 @baddestomens @deathblacksmoke @philomenie @blacksoul-27 @thcfountain

A/N; Thank you so much for reading, i hope you liked it, lmk if you did<3

[starvingarsyn]

Ok ok ok hear me out (I’m sure it’s been done before but *shrug* )

You’re in a secretive relationship with a certain member of BO ( whether it’s bc you’re the sister of one of the members, work for them, or just like privacy)

Spending your most intimate times in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep.

But unbeknownst you either of you, someone catches on/catches y’all in the act without y’all noticing, and instead of confronting y’all, they play a lil game.

The third party tries to hook y/n up with a friend, but when they object, super sleuth starts to interrogate why they would turn the opportunity down.

Y/N gets all nervous, can’t think of a valid excuse, chokes up, but then the secret bf just says “fuck it” and intervenes basically laying it all out in the table.

Super Sleuth is like “I fuckin knew it” 😏 but the rest of the members/crew are like 😱 “we had no idea but good for y’all, we ship it”

*commence later-on smut*

And then after, everyone is like “ we said we don’t mind y’all being together but that doesn’t mean we wanna hear it”

And then everyone lives happily ever after.

[ciginatree]

I've Got You -Nicholas Ruffilo x gn!reader

Content warnings: angst, breakdown, fluff

Word Count: 1.1k

Summary: When you come home distressed and upset, your partner, Nicholas, does what he can to comfort you

Author's note: this was written for a friend, but I made it vague enough to apply to just about anyone in any difficult situation <3

This story is a complete work of fiction portraying the likeness of a real person or persons in a fictional situation.

“Nicky?” You call into the apartment..Your chest heaves and your hands shake as you close the front door behind you. You stumble through the front room, your shoes toed off and strewn in various places as your eyes start to fill with tears again. You had broken down in the car and you can tell it won’t be long until you’re imploding again. “Nick, where are you?” You cry in a raised tone. You fight to keep your breathing steady and your lungs ache from the effort. Footsteps pad on the hardwood floor as Nick rounds the corner of the hallway, cheerful grin slipping as he lays his eyes on you.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He takes quick steps towards you and you meet him in the middle, body weight tipping forward for him to catch. Your bodies collide just in time for your emotional dam to crumble and you dissolve into a shaking mess of tears. Nick clutches your waist, holding you up and against him. “Sweetheart, talk to me. What happened?” 

You shake your head where it lay on his shoulder. “Don’t wan- talk’bout it.” Each syllable is broken by a gasping breath that radiates heat back to your face. Your tears, snot, and leftover makeup have already soaked through and stained Nick’s shirt; a detail that only adds to your distress, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“Okay,” Nick’s mind races through possibilities as you cling to him, his arms snug around you. He doesn’t want to dwell on what happened, trusting that you aren’t in any danger, but he can’t help his wandering mind. One of his hands finds its way to your head, cradling you as you wear yourself out of tears. For minutes he holds you, tingles and miniscule pinpricks working into his feet from the lack of movement. He sways a few inches to the left and right, acting as a comforter, protector, whatever you need. As your tears diminish to silent drips, Nick pulls away just enough to hold a palm to rest on your cheek. “C’mere.” He nods back in the direction of the living room, dropping a hand to your back as he guides you down to the plush, gray couch.

Nick’s grip stays steady and firm around you, pulling you into his chest as you collapse into him for the second time. His scent permeates through your senses; that woodsy musk that you’ve grown to cling to grounds you to the moment and stems your anxiety. Your legs lay draped across his lap as the two of you sink back into the couch. The burning in your eyes itches with residual salty tears. It hurts. Your chest, your body; you’re in pain and Nick knows it. A hiccup wracks your body and you inhale shakily, body expanding into his with your breath. He gently shushes you with lips on your temple; the slight warm brush of his skin is comforting in a way you can’t describe.

You want to speak. You want to cry, thank him, explain, say something, anything. But you can’t. Every time you open your mouth, emptiness consumes your breath and swallows it whole, leaving your mouth a gaping hole. You close it slowly and burrow yourself further into him. Your arms are curled by your stomach and you just feel so…small. So fatigued and just wanting to feel better. You crane your neck to tuck your head under Nick’s chin and he sighs, clenching his arms tighter to you. Another hiccup forces its way through your throat and it sends you over the edge, lips pulling down as you tremble with a dry sob. 

“Shh, I’ve got you,” he coos, barely holding it together himself. Seeing you like this ignites an indescribable, helpless pain inside of him; one that’s only eased by soothing you. The calluses of his fingertips brush along the prickled skin of your bare arm, the tendrils of hair that have come loose from his bun hang down across your head. “I’ve got you,” he repeats in a whisper. You cling to him with desperation as the next wave of tears stings your overworked eyes. Would you ever be able to stop crying? But Nick doesn’t seem to mind; he rocks you ever so gently, chest vibrating against your cheek with his quiet hums and breaths. The steady quiver of his heart lulls you, even as the tears continue to fall of their own accord. You don’t feel like you’ll ever be better, the ache in your chest feels too permanent. 

“Why don’t we lay down, hm?” You say nothing, chin twitching down in an imperceptible nod. With one arm holding you secure, his other reaches for the red plaid blanket hanging off the arm of the couch in a fabric waterfall. Tight in his grasp, he reclines the two of you down to the cushions. You settle on top of him as he fluffs out the blanket and drapes it over you. You focus on your breathing; one shallow breath at a time followed by a long exhale as your eyelids drag together in slow, tired blinks. Everything feels a little simpler in his arms. Less pain, less confusion; just his warm skin shifting against yours and the heavy silence that communicates better than any words could. 

“Thank you,” you breathe out quietly. Those two words took every bit of strength you had left as they bled directly into Nick’s chest. Your hair shift as his lips dip down in a gentle kiss on the crown on your head. His fingers follow to brush away your tear-damp hair away from your cheeks, and he smiles the best he can. It hurts, it all still hurts and he knows that. He knows he can’t take that away from you no matter how desperately he tries to, but if there’s anything he can do to make it a little easier to bear he’d do it a thousand times over. 

“Of course,” he whispers back. His fingers continue the path of your hair, combing through the knots. The furniture beyond the couch starts to shift in your dizzy gaze, the exhaustion of your breakdown wearing into your soul and begging you to sleep. Your body sags deeper into his as each group of muscles sets free the tension they cling to. Nick’s quiet “I love you” slips past your fog in time to permeate through your heart before you finally release yourself to rest.

Tags: @abiomens @exitwoundsx @tashka

[lilgarbitch]

hi love how are youuu? first of, so in love your works!! second of, im in my ruffilo girl era ☝🥵 i was thinking,, can you do one where we go on a concert date and all that lovie dovie pls??? (totally not influenced by his last ig story)

Nearer My God

Pairing: Nicholas Ruffilo x Reader

CW: debilitating fluff. Friends going on their first date and it going so well that you’re gonna start kicking your feet and giggling. I just love ‘little dialogue lots of body language’ stories.

Word Count: 2.7k

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for this. This has to be my favorite request I’ve ever seen. You have no idea how quickly I began writing when I read it. And Nick couldn’t have picked a better band to have seen last night. And if he hadn’t convinced you enough, I highly recommend checking out Foxing, especially while reading this.

You’re running around your apartment, making sure you had everything you needed. You wanted to leave this anxiety at home, so the last thing you wanted was to end up forgetting something and stressing about it later. Checking your purse for the umpteenth time, you let out a sigh, hoping to exhale the fire from your nerves. 

You walk back into your bedroom and take one last peek at your appearance. You lean towards your vanity mirror, checking that you hadn’t smudged your makeup yet, when you hear a knock at your front door. 

With a gasp, you check your phone and realize that it was 6pm already. You take one last glance at yourself, smoothing out your outfit and running through your mental list of everything you needed before you finally made your way to your front door. With one last deep breath, you open it.

As you glanced at the adorable tatted boy across the threshold, you couldn’t help but match his nervous but excited smile.

“Hi,” you say, but it comes out a whisper.

“Hi,” he replies with a soft chuckle, “You almost ready?” 

You give him a nod and step away from the door, leaving it open for him to let himself in. You try your best not to run, as you don’t want to embarrass yourself with your excitement and nerves, but you rush your way through your apartment, grabbing your purse and shoes and turning off any lights or hair styling appliances. Once your shoes were on and you knew nothing would burn your house down while you were gone, you make your way to Nick, who was still standing at your door. He looked tense and in thought, but when his eyes landed on you walking back to him, his shoulders relaxed and a smile reformed on his face. 

You let him know that you were ready, so he gestures you out the front door before following. You quickly lock your door and join him on his stroll to his car. As he made his way closer to the car, he moved around it and walked towards the passenger side, opening the door for you with a smile. You let out a soft giggle and a ‘Thank you’ as you slide your way into the seat.

“You look beautiful, by the way,” he says with a grin, leaning down in the doorway of the car to meet your eyes. 

“Oh…thank you,” you say, sounding a little sheepish as a blush formed on your cheeks at his unexpected chivalry. 

He just chuckled and closed the door before making his way around the car and sliding into the driver’s seat. 

It wasn’t a far drive to the venue, thankfully, but you couldn’t help but feel your heart race at the tension in the car. Soft music played on the radio and he gently patted his thumbs against the steering wheel as he drove. All you could do was try and leave your nerves behind, wanting to accept that this wasn’t a night to worry about impressions. He already asked you on a date. Even though it was to see one of his favorite bands, it was still a date, and it still proved that he was interested. If anything, bringing you to see music he enjoyed was more intimate than simply going out to dinner. 

“So, have you heard of Foxing before?” he asked, pulling you out of your thoughts. 

“Yeah,” you answered, “You mentioned them a while back, so I gave them a listen and really enjoyed their music, so I’m happy to finally be hearing them live.” 

He glanced at you for a moment before turning back to the road with a smile forming on his face.

“I got you into them?” he asked, sounding almost proud of himself, but there was a hint of something else in his voice. Like a sense of adoration at the thought of you giving his interests a chance.

“Yeah. I love checking out the bands you talk about, even if it’s in passing,” you reply, almost embarrassed to admit that you paid more attention to the things he talked about than he thought you did. 

A wide smile formed on his face, one that he couldn’t fight back as he felt a sense of warmth in his chest. You went out of your way to try to enjoy the things he did, and he could’ve fallen in love right then and there just hearing that. 

The ride fell into a silence once again, this time with a little more serene vibe as you made your way to the venue with smiles on your faces.

Once the car came to a stop, Nick quickly moved to open the car door for you again before you could even get your hand on the handle, causing you to laugh. 

You two made your way into the venue and found a good spot to stand, not too close to the center of the crowd, but where you could still see the stage perfectly. Nick let you stand in front of him to both make sure that you could see, and to keep an eye on the crowd around you.

The band eventually took the stage, causing the crowd to cheer. ‘Secret History’ began playing and you took in Conor’s vocals, letting yourself relax into the melody before you knew you had to brace yourself for the energy to pick up. 

It was a quick change, but thankfully you knew the song well, so you were expecting it. The music got louder and the crowd got crazier. You couldn’t help but chuckle as you watch everyone fit into their element, letting themselves enjoy the music in their own way. 

Nick’s hands moved to rest on your hips in an almost protective manner, not wanting you to move too far and slip into the pit of people. You relaxed and let yourself take in the music, knowing you had someone protecting you as the music switched back and forth between peaceful melodies and harsh and heavy beats. 

As ‘Spit’ began playing, you felt Nick’s body finally relax behind yours, letting him take in the music and lyrics. He still had a hold on your waist, but his arms slacked and his body swayed gently as the music poured through the speakers. 

Would you hold my head in your lap

Soak the fever in cold rags

His grip on your waist tightened. Not in a tense manner, but almost like his mind subconsciously wanted to hold onto you tighter. 

Cause tonight you have my soul

The crosses have jumped off the wall

And all of this surrounding us is distraction 

Cemented in the moment, frozen in resin

His fingers moved against your hips, almost as if he was fidgeting, deep in thought and not realizing. You gently pressed your back against his chest, hoping the feeling would soothe him and bring him back. As you did, you felt his chest rise and fall, like he took a deep breath. He relaxed once again, feeling the warmth of your back pressed right above his heart, and rested his chin on top of your head. 

‘Greyhound’ was next, and soon the two of you swayed together to the music. You closed your eyes and focused on the comfort around you. His hands on your hips, chin on your head, the gentle rocking of your bodies, and the melodies flowing through the room. You didn’t know if it was the vibrations of the bass, or the feelings ruminating inside of you, but you could feel something in your chest.

“You doing okay?” He asked, bringing his face to the side of yours to speak in your ear, making sure you could hear him over the noise. You turned your head and looked up at him, pausing for a moment when you realized how close your faces were, before nodding with a warm smile.

He mirrored your smile with one that made your eyes flicker to how close his lips were. He soothingly rubbed his thumb against your hip as he stood back up, pulling you back to lean against his chest as he rested his chin on your head once again.

The music continued and the band spoke a few words to the crowd, getting cheers from the room. But Nick and you just stayed there, silently watching as he held you close. 

Your mind was racing. You had a crush on Nick for the longest time, and now you were on your first date with him and were enjoying it more than you’d ever imagined. You thought about when he finally asked you out, and how much it shocked you to find out he felt the same. How you always thought you’d have to deal with staying friends, terrified to say anything in fear that you’d ruin the friendship. But here you were, pressed close to him while you listened to a band both of you loved. And now, the only thing on your mind was how badly you wanted to kiss him.

You got pulled from your thoughts when ‘The Medic’ started, when you felt his chin moving and a rumble in his chest against your back, signaling that he was singing along. A smile formed on your face at the added comfort. The sweet act of him opening up as he let the lyrics flow from his lips.

She says you always smell like cigarettes 

And there’s always whiskey on your breath

But you’re the best that I can do

And I, I think I love you

Now if you want me to slow down

Just tell me to slow down

You join in, softly singing along with him.

Now if you want me to slow down

Just tell me to slow down

Cause I, I, I, I want, want, want to be loved

Yes, I, I, I, I want, want, want to be loved

You feel his hands subconsciously tighten their grip on your hips as he notices. He pulls you closer and slides his arms around you, holding you flush to him by your waist as you both continue to sing along. 

You both stayed like that, him having you in an almost possessive hold against him. Even when louder songs play and the crowd gets rowdier, you two just stood there, enjoying the closeness more than the music. 

You began to realize that he chose a Foxing concert for a reason. He wanted you to listen to the lyrics with him close to you. As the set continued and you truly took in the words Conor sang, you understood that this was Nick’s way of truly opening up, of letting you into his heart. The lyrics turned into a live reading of his everyday thoughts and his feelings for you. 

So when they started playing ‘Nearer My God’ and you felt his head drop to your shoulder as he began to sing along, your heart raced faster than before. 

I want it all

I’ll watch the bridges all burn

And I’ll be your dog

It was quiet compared to the noise around you, but you still heard it. His voice, singing along. He held you tighter, burying his face into your neck as he continued.

I’d be a darling for you

Or anyone who wants me at all

Does anybody want me at all?

You couldn’t react. You didn’t know how. All you could do was listen to him voice his deepest feelings as the song played. It wasn’t just his need for you. It was his need for comfort. For happiness. He was physically and metaphorically leaning on you for support as he spoke his deepest emotions out into the world through their lyrics. Your heart simultaneously ached and swelled at the vulnerability he was showing you for the first time. His heart opening to finally let you in. To be his support. To love him. To make him feel whole again.

As the song was coming to an end, you reached your hand up and gently laced your fingers into his hair, soothingly running them against his scalp. You wanted to be his comfort. To be the one he could come to. The one who could make him feel loved again. And instead of saying it out loud, you chose to show him. 

As he melted into your touch, you gently turned and leaned to the side, causing his face to pull away from your neck. Your eyes met, his baring a mix of nervousness and hope, while yours just showed pure love and adoration. 

You kept your gaze locked with his for a few moments, taking in how close he was to you and the peace you felt having him here. He let out a shaky breath as you glanced down at his lips, involuntarily licking yours as you used your hold on his hair to bring the two of you closer. 

The moment your lips met, it was as if time stopped and the two of you melted into one. He used his hands on your hips to slowly spin you around until your chest was pressed against his. He brought a hand up to cup your cheek and wrapped the other around your waist, holding your body flush to his. 

It was a gentle, sweet kiss, his lips dancing with yours, but there was still passion behind it. As if it was your way of baring your souls to each other, with a need for it to never end. You wrapped your arms around his neck and brought a hand up to the back of his head, holding his face to yours like you’d never let him go.

Before you knew it, he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours, letting both of you catch your breath and take everything in. Your eyes were still closed as you held his head to yours and he held your body to his. ‘Hall of Frozen Heads’ flowed through the air around you. This was the peace you searched for your whole life.

You couldn’t hold it back. A chuckle fell from your lips, causing one to rumble in his chest against yours. You finally opened your eyes and looked up to meet his. The corners of his eyes were crinkled from the smile on his face, one that you realized mirrored yours. 

The lights of the venue came back on, bringing the two of you back to reality. You pulled apart and watched as the crowd began to file out, remembering that you too had to leave. 

Taking your hand in his, he managed to slip both of you through the crowd, almost in a hurry to get back to the car. You couldn’t help but giggle as he pulled you along with such dedication. 

Once outside, he wrapped an arm over your shoulder as you made your way back to the car, leaning his head on yours as if he couldn’t be close enough to you in this moment. 

He paused once you made it to the passenger side of his car, before turning you to face him. He looked down at you with a smile, bringing a hand up to cup the side of your head. 

“Thank you for letting me bring you. I don’t think I’ve ever had a better time at a concert,” he said in a soft, sincere voice.

“Not even your own?” you asked, giggling. He let out a chuckle and shook his head. 

“Not even close,” he said in an amused but gentle voice.

“Well, thank you for bringing me. Definitely one of my top 10 concert experiences,” you joked with a teasing smile. He playfully raised an eyebrow.

“Top 10?” he asked, leaning closer with a humored smile.

“Okay…top 5,” you continued with a playful tone as his lips got closer to yours. 

“How about now?” he asked before meeting your lips again, this time with a more delicate kiss. Both of you were smiling too wide into the kiss that you were giggling when he finally pulled away. 

“Fine. Top 3,” you said with a playful smile, looking up at him. He let out a chuckle and moved to open the passenger door for you.

“Guess I’ll have to find another concert for us to go to,” he said as you slid into the seat. 

“I wouldn’t be opposed,” you replied, making him chuckle more. 

[thefallennightmare]

Just For Tonight: Part Two

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader x Nicholas Ruffilo

Warnings: swearing, fluff, angst, smut(voyeurism, p in v, oral-male and female receiving, fingering, degradation, spanking, choking, m/f/m relations that deal with three-way sex so read at your own risk if it's not your thing)

Summary: Ignoring everything the morning after a night of sheer pleasure was something this love triangle never expected. The familiar scars and electric hearts calling home to all of them.

Authors Note: Here's the long awaited part two! I would love to hear your thoughts on it. Enjoy my loves!

TAGS:@madomens @xxkittenkissesxx @darling-millicent-aubrey @heyyoplayer @myownthoughts12 @shilohrosechicken @blueskylinesx @sorrowsofsilence @lma1986 @xmads-omensx @ourdiabolikal-rapture @rain-down-on-me @livingdeceasedgirl @bngurngheart @sprokat @chewyylynn @crimesscene @punkrockpixie @somebodyllelse

PART ONE HERE

The bright rays from the sun broke through the curtains of my bedroom, casting our bare bodies in a warmth I’d been desperate for nearly all my life. I thought the two warm bodies were enough for me but I’d been wrong; there was only one warm body next to me, one that felt familiar. The other, unfamiliar one, had been long gone. His spot on the bed was almost cold to the touch. 

Raising my head from Nicholas’ chest, I peered over to the other side of the bed where I expected to see Noah asleep but was only met with rumpled sheets. I furrowed my brows with confusion, doing my best to ignore the stinging pain in my hair when I realized he’d left sometime in the night. Something he said he wouldn’t do. 

Seeing Nicholas was still asleep, I gently rolled over behind me to reach for my phone on the nightstand quickly working out a text to Noah. 

Me: Where’d you go? 

I tapped my phone on the mattress for a few moments, waiting for his reply, but was met with silence. Just as I was about to send another text, Nicholas’ calloused fingers grazed over my bare stomach as he pulled me into his chest. 

“Morning, honey,” his voice was muffled by my hair. 

I hummed with a smile. “Good morning. Sleep well?” 

I felt him nod behind me. “Best night of sleep I’ve had in a while. How about you? You doing alright after last night?” 

Last night.  

Both of their cocks worked in spreading me wide for them. The room filled with the scent of all three of us, tangling together with the tellings of our ever growing affair. Some might have thought this was wrong but it felt so right; so free.

Blinking away the thoughts of last night, I turned over in Nicholas’ arms to place a tender kiss to his lips. 

“I’m good. What about you?” I asked while trailing my finger over his cheek. 

There was this lingering fear that he would have woken up today with regret for what happened last night. Yet the love that sparkled in Nicholas’ eyes told me otherwise. 

“Surprisingly good,” he let out a low chuckle, hands grazing over my back. “I’m upset I can’t stay here in bed with you all day but duty calls.” 

I frowned, remembering he had a full day of tattooing he had booked down at his shop. Nicholas would most likely be gone all morning and afternoon, meaning I’d be alone in the house with Noah. 

All three of us were roommates and prior to last night, I usually didn’t mind staying alone in the house with Noah. We’d pass the time watching anime together or he’d show me what he and the guys had been working on in the studio. Nicholas never had to worry about his girlfriend and bestfriend hanging out together alone. 

Yet now, things were different. Something I feared. 

“You can’t stay? Reschedule the appointments?” I jutted out my bottom lip while rolling on top of him so I could straddle him. 

Those dark eyes trailed over the purple marks that littered my neck, down to my breasts, and even the bite marks from last night that were forever etched into my skin. His fingers pinched my perky nipples and I let my head fall back in bliss. 

“I can’t, honey. I have to get up and get ready.” his hand now gripped the back of my neck to pull me down to him, ravaging my lips with his own. 

I moaned into the kiss, letting his familiar taste linger on my tongue as I rubbed my already wet folds up and down his growing cock. The kiss was messy and needy, telling me Nicholas was desperate for this from the moment he opened his eyes. 

“I need to get up,” he said in between kisses. 

“You don’t even have five minutes for me?” I teased him, leaving kisses across his neck. 

Faint curses fell from his lips when I reached down between us, palming his cock. I knew I was still sticky and dirty from last night, never finding the energy to get up and shower, but it didn’t seem to bother Nicholas. With fingers wrapped around him, I guided myself down onto his cock and moaned out in pleasure. He always felt so good inside of me. 

“Y/N,” he sighed just before our lips clashed again, this time slower. 

It matched the pace of our thrust, both wanting to take time we didn’t have with each other. My breasts were pressed against his chest as Nicholas held me tighter, his strokes long as he dragged himself nearly all the way out, now only fucking me with the head of his cock. 

My cries of pleasure were drowned out by the noise of the headboard smacking against the wall, Noah’s words from last night suddenly ringing in my head. 

“This is what I would hear every fucking night. Imagining this scene in front of me; although seeing now, it’s much better than what I thought.”

“Honey,” Nicholas’ straight voice brought me back and I gazed down at him, cupping his cheek. 

The look in his eyes was one I immediately recognized, so I urged him on with a nod. 

“I’m so close too, Nicky. Let go.”

Both of our bodies stilled for a moment as I clenched around his cock with my release as he spilled inside of me. It was nothing compared to the rawness I felt from him last night, this time it was softer. I collapsed on top of him and Nicholas brushed away the strands of hair from my face so he could place a kiss on my forehead. 

“Dinner tonight?” 

I smiled into his chest and gave an eager nod. “I would love that.”

Whatever worry I had if things between us changed because of last night were quickly swept away. He meant what he said that regardless of what happened, he would still feel the same about me. He wouldn’t allow last night to affect us. 

I, however, would soon realize that I was unable to keep that same promise.

Three hours later, I was dressed in a yellow bikini and trotted down the stairs towards the back yard. After Nicholas left for the tattoo shop, I allowed myself another hour of sleep before getting up to shower and decide to get something productive done. 

The house had been quiet all morning which confused me because Noah always seemed to make some kind of noise as he stalked throughout whether it was his bed creaking as he got up in the morning or his voice lingering in the walls as he ran through the Bad Omens set, honing in on his craft. Yet this morning, it was as if he was a ghost roaming the halls. 

After grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and connecting my phone to the outdoor bluetooth speaker, I stepped out into the blazing Los Angeles sun ready for an afternoon of sunbathing. It was a random off day for me so I planned on relaxing in an effort to forget about last night. 

My plans were halted when I saw the lean tattooed body of Noah already outside, mowing the lawn. His body glistened with sweat from the sun and I squeezed my legs together at the sight. He looked God-like and memories of how his cock felt in my mouth made it water, wanting another taste. I knew I should go back inside to ignore him, especially since he ignored my text earlier this morning, but instead I set my things down on the lawn chair, quickly immersing myself into the book I’d brought out. 

Ignoring Noah only lasted for a few minutes because as he turned with the mower, ready to come back the way he came, he froze when his eyes landed on my body laid out on the chair. My book was long forgotten as I felt his burning gaze travel over the material of my bikini, resting over the swell of my breasts the longest. 

Neither of us said a word, unable to form the right thought because of how intense the battle was raging inside of us. It was wrong of us to have our gazes linger on places that didn’t belong to us but the gray shorts Noah wore left little to the imagination. 

What imagination? You saw his dick last night.

I nearly choked when the thought plowed me and Noah raised a brow. 

“Everything alright?” He wondered, the lawn mower still idling. 

Running my sweaty hands over my thighs, I did my best to nod, which seemed to be enough for him because Noah was about to start mowing the lawn again. That was until my words made his shoulders go rigid. 

“You left,” I let out a broken breath, my heart weighing heavy with his broken promise. 

Noah ran a hand through his sweat slicked hair, those dark eyes all encompassing as they drank in the sight of me in my bikini yet again before falling into the chair beside me. “What did you want me to do, Y/N? Stay and pretend that this will work out between the three of us? You’re dating my best friend, you have been for years. It’s not right for me to want you; I can’t want you.”

“So we’re just supposed to pretend that last night didn’t happen? I’m sorry, I don’t think I can do that,” I admitted while pulling my knees close to my chest. 

Noah snorted, eyes slicing into me. “It sure sounded like you moved on from last night with the moises you were making this morning.” 

I blinked for a moment, suddenly realizing what he was talking about. 

“You heard?” 

“Of course I did, angel! Do you not realize I hear you and Nicholas every time he fucks you? I hear the way you moan for him, cry out for him, while I sit there wishing it was me? It’s been years of torture!” 

Noah ran an aggravated hand over his jaw, doing his best to keep his composure. 

“I-I didn’t know,” I admitted quietly under my breath yet I knew he heard me. 

“Of course you didn’t. Because you were too busy wrapped up in your perfect life with Nicholas to see anything else,” Noah’s knees bounced rapidly. 

This was not how I imagined the morning after to go. The delusional part of me thought that we’d all wake up together and figure out the complex parts of our relationship together. But it was clear that it was wrong of me to think that way. 

“So what are you saying, Noah?” I scoffed. “You’re telling me you don't want me but yet, rambling on about how you wish it was you. You’re not making any sense.” 

“Forget it,” he waved me off, casting his gaze over towards the end of the yard where he’d been previously watering all of my fruits and vegetables I’d been growing the last few months, the hose still extended all throughout the yard. 

Gathering my things, I slowly rose from the lawn chair and motioned inside. “I should start getting ready. Nicholas is taking me to dinner tonight.” 

Somber eyes landed on me for a beat and it was as if Noah’s feelings were bleeding out yet unable to correctly voice them. Instead, he let out a grunt of disapproval as he rose to his feet, beginning to move past me. Both of us trying to maneuver around each other was a hassle and I managed to trip over the hose, only seconds away from smacking my face on the concrete until strong arms wrapped around me. But the force of the fall managed to take both Noah and I down to the grass, him landing on top of me. The pain was nothing compared to the feeling on his chest on top of mine or his cock as it pressed against my thigh, in between his legs. Our erratic breaths were synchronized, almost like our souls were slowly becoming, and when he brushed a hand over my face, I leaned into his warm touch. 

“Angel,” he breathed over my lips. “We can’t.”

“How am I supposed to forget you, Noah? I can’t. Last night meant too much to forget,” I scratched my nails along the tattoos on his chest. 

Noah shivered from my touch as his eyes fluttered shut, his cock pressing against my thigh and I swore I heard a quiet moan crawl through his throat. It was evident in the way he clenched his jaw that he was holding himself back, it pained him not to consume me right then and there. 

Our friendship was nothing more than a fading memory, this new and unsure future building a wall between us. 

“All I crave is you, angel. I want every part of you,” his teeth grazed over my neck, leaving a tiny red mark just above one Nicholas had left this morning. Then his tongue dragged over the valley between my breasts, his finger ghosting over the thin material that hid my perky nipples.  “But I can’t do that to Nicholas.” 

Before I knew what was happening, Noah pushed himself off of me to retreat inside of the house. I gazed up at the suddenly dark sky, an incoming storm about to ravage the neighborhood, and couldn’t stop as I let out a groan. 

“What the fuck did we do?”

"Oh Nicky," I moaned while arching my back off of the cool marble of the kitchen counter. 

His words were muffled as he continued to lap up at my pussy, devouring me all to himself. It was as if something was driving him to pleasure me in ways he'd never reached before. Although, I knew there was no need for him to be in this competition with himself. It was futile because he knew my body like a book he'd been studying for years. 

We’d returned from dinner moments ago to a dark and quiet house, Noah texting Nicholas that he had a training session with Ash and he wouldn’t be home tonight. I knew that it was because he wanted to be far away from our date. Earlier in the yard had acted like a block in my mind all night as I tried to enjoy dinner with Nicholas, who could tell something was on my mind. I didn’t want to talk about it because I wasn’t sure how he would react with the moment between Noah and I. It was made known that Nicholas knew how I’d always wanted Noah sexually yet he didn’t know how my heart yearned for Noah. 

I loved Nicholas with my entire being. We planned a future together, we were each other forever, and I had no desire to change that because of one night of sexual frustrations. 

All the same, was it fair to my heart to try and ignore the way Noah slowly crept inside of it? It was big enough to share this same love with both of them, no?

So to take my mind off of whatever was plaguing it, Nicholas was quick to capture my lips in a heated kiss, dragging me into the kitchen without breaking it. 

“Need some dessert,” he mumbled against them before hoisting me up on the kitchen counter. 

Nicholas’ teeth grazed over my clit before his lips wrapped around it, sucking eagerly. His fingers worked in and out of my walls, fucking me closer to the edge I'd been hanging off of all day. Ever since this morning in the backyard with Noah. 

You can' think of him right now. Think of your boyfriend, Nicholas. 

"That's it baby, cum for me. Soak my face," he demanded with a sharp bite to the inside of my thigh, slipping a third finger inside of me. 

His thumb rubbed erratic circles on my clit and my body felt frozen, unable to drop off the ledge. My orgasm was right there, so close I could smell my arousal dripping down my legs right before Nicholas' warm tongue licked it up. I raked my nails through his hair, grasping onto the long locks to bring his face closer to my clit. 

"'M so close. Don't stop." I practically begged. 

Was it wrong to do this in a space we shared with Noah? Yes. Was it the first time? No. 

Although, it was the first time we’d done it with someone watching. 

Nicholas grunted, mouth now too busy for words. Yet, my attention was no longer on him but on the man standing in the doorway, shirtless with water dripping down his tattooed chest. It was apparent he’d just stepped out of the shower and the towel was hung low on his hips, the sunset from the large kitchen windows casting over his hard V line. Noah made no noise, simply watched with black eyes as Nicholas' tongue and fingers took turns fucking me. 

I couldn’t speak, couldn’t even give Nicholas a warning that Noah was in fact not out; he was watching us with desire in his eyes. Just as I gathered the words on my tongue, ready to tell him, my head was rolled to the side as my orgasm began filling my veins. Half-lidded eyes watched as Noah dropped the towel to the floor so he could wrap his hand around his thick cock, stroking it slowly; up and down, his thumb smearing the beads of precum around the tip, almost using it as lubricant. His bottom lip was caught between his teeth as he tried so hard to remain quiet, not wanting to give way to Nicholas that he was watching. He leaned an arm against the doorway, movements around his cock still fast, almost punishing. 

The sight of Noah pleasuring himself to Nicholas who was eating me out like a man starved was exactly what I needed to finally jump off the cliff edge, my orgasm wrapping its arms around me to carry me to blissful euphoria. As I came down from my high, panties still hanging around my ankles and skirt hiked up over my stomach, Nicholas helped me sit up against the countertop and I made a mental note to disinfect the area. His rough hands spread my legs wide so he could step between them and I allowed him to bury his face in the crook of my neck, inhaling my scent. 

“I love you so much, honey.” 

My eyes were glued to the man in the doorway still, Noah’s chest heaving as he nearly collapsed to his knees when he spilled himself all over his hand; the milky substance painting over his limp cock. I licked my lips at the unholy sight of him, ravenous for the taste of him again. I wanted it to linger on my lips as I kissed Nicholas so he knew how his best friend tasted. I wanted Noah to fuck Nicholas’ cum into me. I wanted both of their seeds spilled down my throat. 

Simply put, I wanted both of them. 

Letting out a wavering breath, I ran my fingers through Nicholas’ hair and watched as Noah snatched up the towel from the ground, not bothering to clean his hand as he stalked back up the stairs; my eyes never leaving the sight of his perk ass. 

“I love you too, Nicholas.”

Three days. 

Noah had been avoiding me for three days and it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on repeatedly. True feelings aside, what hurt the most was that I lost my best friend. He’d ignore my texts asking if he wanted to watch a movie or if he wanted to go on a run together. I tried to understand where he was coming from, understand his feelings on the situation but everytime I did, it only made the lingering feelings of possible regret weigh heavy on my shoulders. 

I had to put my best fake smile on tonight because Nicholas invited everyone over for a little get together and we all were piled into the living room as music blared through the speakers. This was the first time I’d seen Noah and the sight of him dressed in black paint and a matching tank top made my heart jump into my throat. His chain and bracelet glinted underneath the red neon lights we had hung around the living room which in turn made my white sundress glow radiantly; Nicholas humming endearing yet naughty things in my ear all night while I sat in his lap. His hands would occasionally slink up underneath my dress to ghost over my pussy, wet with arousal from his words. It went undetected by everyone; well, almost everyone. 

Noah’s black eyes watched us, tracking every movement of Nicholas’ hands and lips as it nibbled on my ear. I giggled and dragged my nails over the exposed part of his chest, him opting to leave the first three buttons of his shirt undone. 

“I missed you last night. I need to feel you around my cock, honey,” Nicholas purred in my ear. 

I sucked in a breath, admitting I missed him last night as well. “Why don’t we send everyone home and maybe take a dip in the hot tub?” 

His eyes sparkled even filled with darkness but simply tapped my thigh. “Soon.”

With a frown, I turned towards Folio, who had asked me a question, and conversed with him for a long while, every so often letting my eyes towards the man in the corner of the room. It seemed as if he’d been busy as well, a mutual female friend of Jolly’s girlfriend showing up tonight. As soon as she saw Noah, she was attracted to him like a magnet. Although, I couldn’t say the same for him. 

“I need another drink,” Nicholas muttered before rising from the chair. 

Gently, I pushed him back down and stood while smoothing out my dress. “I’ll grab it. I want some more snacks anyway.”

Leaving him with a quick kiss, I walked into the kitchen and felt a warm presence behind me. Just as I turned to see who it was, Noah wrapped his fingers around my elbow, dragging me into the small bathroom off of the hallway.

Darkness wrapped around us and our staggered breaths filled the tight space. My hand smacked the wall in an effort to find the switch but Noah linked his fingers with mine, locking both hands against the bathroom counter. 

“Noah,” I gasped. “What are you doing?” 

As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could make out the faint lines of his face and nearly fell when I saw his pupils were blown wide with lust. 

“I heard you last night,” Noah lifted my chin with his nose so he could leave a trail of feather-like kisses along my neck. 

My face reddened in the shadowy bathroom, knowing what he was talking about. Nicholas had spent the night at Jolly’s place, getting a little too tipsy to drive home. So it was only Noah and I but we both kept ourselves locked in our bedrooms. I’d been left alone with one of my favorite dark romance books, one particular scene making me squirm with the need to know what it felt like to be blindfolded as a man ate me out. I tried to ignore the burn between my legs all night but even after my cold shower, it did nothing to help. So I laid spread out on mine and Nicholas’ bed with my black rose vibrator pressed hard against my clit and cried out with elation as I came. 

I swallowed thickly and gripped the edge of the counter behind me when he let my hands go. “I-I-don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Noah hummed, the noise rumbling deep within his chest as his fingers slipped underneath my sundress, ghosting over my hip. One lone finger pressed inside of my walls and I hastily reached for anything I could to grab a hold off. His scent was intoxicating, rendering me useless as his strokes were so fast, my knees began to buckle.

“Does Nicholas know you called out my name instead of his when you came?” 

The pleasure I’d been chasing vanished with his words and I angrily pushed back against Noah, growing tired of his games. “Fuck you!” 

One hand wrapped around my throat, pulling me flush against the door, it rattled behind me with the force of it while the other hand rested on my swollen mound, his fingers gathering the wetness over my panties. It was made known I’d like sex rough so the feeling of his hands all over me made a pathetic whine fall from my lips. 

“You can lie all you want, angel,” Noah murmured in my ear, still with a tight grip around my neck. “But I know you want this. Your pussy says otherwise.” 

How dare he act like it was me that didn’t want this? All I wanted was him. And Nicholas. But it was Noah that couldn’t get over his feelings of betrayal with Nicholas. 

I roughly pushed him away and flipped on the bathroom light, the room suddenly filled with the bright glow. Noah stood there watching me with a preying gaze but I continued to stand tall against him. 

“Fuck you, Noah! You’re such an asshole for playing these mind games. You can’t tell me that you crave me but then continue to push me away. You don’t get the right to tell me we can’t be together but then in the same breath touch me like this! You don’t get the best of both worlds.” 

“Y/N,” he stared, eyes softening, but I held up a hand to silence him.

“Go back to the party and the girl that’s ready to open her legs for you because I’m done with the fucking mind games.”

Ignoring the burn in my throat, I stormed out of the bathroom toward the living room and to Nicholas, whose smile radiated the light in the darkness that was consuming me. But when he saw the flustered state I was in, he rose from his chair and was quick to bring me into his arms. The dark locks I loved to run my fingers through were falling in soft waves around his shoulders.

“What’s the matter, honey?” Nicholas wondered. 

I blew out a shaky breath while grasping onto the shirt on his back, desperately wishing that night didn’t happen. There was no way my friendship with Noah would ever be the same. 

“I’m alright now. I just need you,” I admitted, burying my face into his chest. 

He kissed the top of my head before falling back into the chair with me on his lap again. 

“I’m right here, Y/N. I’m not going anywhere.” 

We sat there in our own bubble as our friends conversed, Nicholas’ hand grazing up and down my bare thigh. I allowed myself to retreat into the familiarity of his touch, letting it calm my racing thoughts. Yet when my eyes traveled over to the man across from us, my heart sank to the depths of my stomach. 

The girl who had been around Noah all night was now latched onto his side, whispering something in his ear. Our eyes met finally and it was an intense battle of who would look away first, neither of us wanting to falter. I’d been so consumed by Noah that I missed the way Nicholas watched both of us, realization finally settling on his face

As I saw everyone out, Nicholas and Noah separately retreating upstairs a while ago, I hung out in the doorway with Jolly as we finished up our conversation. Thankfully, the girl that was hanging out with Noah all night finally got the hint he wasn’t interested and left hours ago which was right after he sauntered up to his bedroom. 

“Are you sure you’re alright? You seemed kind of out of it tonight,” he noted while stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

I hesitated for a moment, deciding whether or not to tell Jolly the truth. He’d been a good friend of mine for a few years now but there were still parts of my life I’d like to keep hidden from him. 

Yeah, like the threesome sex you had a few nights ago.

“Do you think it’s possible to love two people at once?” I nibbled on my bottom lip after glancing upstairs. 

Jolly gave me a warm smile, squeezing my shoulder. “I think you and your heart already know the answer to that, Y/N.” 

While it wasn’t made known how the three of us felt for each other, it was clear to the others. Bidding him a good night, I shut the door and locked it. Exhaustion from the day ached my tired bones and I slowly climbed the stairs to my bedroom where I knew Nicholas was waiting for me. Passing Noah’s bedroom, I paused for a moment to peer inside the open door. His bed was unmade which was unlike him but the room was empty. Shrugging, I continued a few more steps before entering my room, nearly running back out from what I saw. 

Nicholas leaned against the dresser, arms folded across his chest, something clutched in the palm of his hand, and Noah sitting on the edge of the bed, head hung low. This was the first time I’d seen them alone together since that night and I cursed when I couldn’t tell if either of them were upset. They’d both changed out of their party clothes and while Noah was shirtless, wearing a pair of black joggers, Nicholas was wearing a familiar pair of red plaid pajama pants and donning a black shirt. 

“What’s going on?” I asked, rubbing my elbow.

Nicholas sighed and pushed himself off the dresser, beckoning me over to him. “I’m tired of seeing my girlfriend and bestfriend at odds with how they feel about each other.” 

“Nicholas,” I began as he all but practically pushed me onto Noah’s lap, who managed to catch me by resting his hands on my ass. 

“I don’t know why you two are skirting around this. What we all did that night, it changed all of us in different ways,” Nicholas spoke behind me, rummaging around his dresser, most likely hiding whatever was in his hand when I walked in. 

I turned my head towards him, trying to get out of Noah’s grip but it only made him hold on tighter. 

“I never wanted things to change the way it had,” Nicholas continued before sitting down next to Noah on the bed. “All I want is for you to be happy, honey.” 

I nodded. “I am happy, Nicky. With you.” 

Noah gently turned my chin so I had no choice but to face him. “And me?” 

The lines in my forehead creased with confusion. “You’ve made it clear how you feel about this, Noah. You told me we can’t because of Nicholas.”

“All you two idiots had to do was talk to me,” Nicholas chuckled. “If I wasn’t open to the idea of this relationship, I never would have suggested us having sex together that night.” 

My head snapped over towards him while still in Noah’s embrace. “Wait, what are you saying?” 

He merely cupped the back of my head to capture my lips in an ever telling kiss, his words pouring out through it rather than verbally. My tongue tangled with his, tasting the drink from earlier, and Noah began to lift the end of my dress higher up until it rested underneath my breasts. His hands worked over every inch of my skin as Nicholas and I continued to kiss. 

Finally needing a breath, he pulled away to rest his forehead against mine. “Noah and I talked. We’re willing to give this three way relationship a try if you are, Y/N.”

I leaned back so I could look at both of them but then gave Noah my attention fully. 

“I’m hurt that you didn’t talk to me, Noah. Sex aside, we had a great friendship and it felt like you threw it away,” I admitted with a wavered breath. 

He cupped my cheek, almond eyes bouncing between mine. “I’m sorry, angel. You know how fucked I am when it comes to talking about my feelings especially when it comes to you.”

I fiddled with the chain around his neck. “What exactly are those feelings?” 

Noah and Nicholas shared a look and when the latter nodded, Noah’s lips met mine in a tender embrace. This kiss, just like the first, caused fireworks to explode within me as what started as a short kiss slowly grew into a favored frenzy as his hands lifted my dress up over my head, breaking the kiss for only a second. As the material fluttered down to the ground, Noah flipped us over onto the bed and stared down at the only pair of clothes I now wore; a simple cotton thong. 

“I want you, angel. Every day from this moment forward, I want all of you,” Noah proclaimed before shimming out of his joggers and briefs. 

Somehow in the moment of our kiss, I hadn’t noticed Nicholas moving from the end of the bed to the headboard, making himself comfortable. 

“Do you want me?” Noah paused before climbing into the bed with us. 

I reached up to lock my hands around his neck and pulled him down with me. “More than anything.”

Our hands were everywhere, groping and needing to feel something more powerful than the love that was beginning to consume us. Noah spread my legs wide for him, snapping his eyes over towards Nicholas, who had worked himself out of his own clothes. 

“Grab the blindfold.” 

“Blindfold?” I repeated while looking over to Nicholas as he reached for something in the nightstand drawer. 

“Do you trust us, honey?” He asked. 

I nodded. “Of course.” 

Nicholas smiled before brushing his lips over my forehead. “Good girl.” 

Sucking in a breath at the praise, I allowed him to cover my eyes with the blindfold and suddenly my senses were heightened as my loss of vision was apparent. I felt the bed dip around me as Noah and Nicholas muttered quietly amongst themselves, the only words I picked up were “take” and “turns”.

My hands were tied together at the wrists and as I tried to yank on them, the headboard smacked against the wall. 

They tied me to the headboard?

“What’s going on?” I asked, nerves taking over, and I began to writhe against the bed. 

A kiss to the top of my breasts, long hair falling over my face. 

Nicholas. 

“Trust us, honey. We’ve got you.”

Swallowing the thick feeling of jitters, I felt warm breath over my clit and I shivered when a wet tongue began lapping up my arousal. My body arched off the bed as I tried to fight against my bindings. I needed to run my hands through the hair that tickled the insides of my thigh. I couldn’t tell who was between my legs and it made me let out an aggravated groan. 

“What’s the matter, angel?” Noah spoke.

The tongue fucking halted and just as I was about to guess it was Noah, Nicholas’ warm breath fanned over my ear. 

“Can you guess which one of us is tasting that sweet pussy?” 

“I-I,” the words died on my lips causing both of them to chuckle darkly. 

For the next handful of minutes, I felt both of them taking turns eating me out, one bringing me closer to the edge of bliss only to stop so the other could slowly drag it out. By the end of it, I was screaming with my pleas. 

“I need to cum, please. I’m so close,” tears slipped from behind the blindfold, the edging nearly causing me to combust. 

“Hm, I don’t think so,” Noah’s teeth sank into the side of my neck just as the pair of lips around my clit vanished with a loud pop. 

I lay there exposed for them to devour, angry with my need for release only to be denied. 

“I fucking hate you both,” I cursed at them. 

My mouth was captured in a messy kiss, my essences lingering on the tongue that explored me. 

“No you don’t, angel,” Noah sucked on my bottom lip before pulling away. 

Bright light seeped into the room causing me to blink a few times when I realized the blindfold had been pulled off, allowing me to see the unholy sight in front of me. Nicholas was on his knees, hand wrapped around his cock as he stroked himself over my breasts, Noah not too far away. He sat on the bed next to me, forcing my mouth over to his awaiting cock with a bruising grip on my hair. 

“Be a good girl and choke on it while Nicholas paints your chest with his cum,” Noah snarled; not in the mean way but in the way that the whole entire scene was causing him to feel things he knew he shouldn't. 

It’s what we all felt. 

How could anyone understand this? How would anyone react positively when we told them all three of us were together? 

That’s the thing, dumbass. No one else matters beside you three. Your friends already can tell how much love is shared between you guys. That’s all that matters. 

Agreeing with the voice in my head, I laid out my tongue granting Noah permission to slip his cock down my throat; meeting very little resistance. I held him there for a long moment, peering up at him through lashes to see he had one hand against the wall to keep himself upright while the other was still tangled in my hair. Darting my gaze over to Nicholas, I let out a muffled moan when I felt his warm cum spurt all over my chest, some hitting the underside of my chin. He let out a guttural moan, nearly falling on top of me but caught himself. 

Nicholas gathered up some of his cum and tapped my jaw. “Open up for me, honey. Just a bit.” 

Noah halted his fucking of my throat just long enough for Nicholas to stuff two fingers full of cum in my mouth, them grazing over Noah’s slick cock, making him shiver. 

“Fuck man, too close,” he semi snapped. 

Nicholas rolled his eyes before forcing my mouth closed over Noah’s cock again. “It’s bound to happen.” 

“Still,” Noah grunted, now holding my head with both hands. “I love you but not in that way.”

With Nicholas’ cum still in my mouth, I used it as a way to help glide my tongue up and down Noah’s cock, reveling in the way they both tasted. It was a sinful gleam that filled my eyes as I watched both of them. 

Nicholas dragged a finger through the cum on my chest, down to my pussy to press it inside of me. 

Noah, so close to the edge of his own release, that his jaw was clenched and eyes screwed shut. The muscles of his stomach were taut as he tried to hold himself back, unsure what for. So with a gentle tap to his thigh, I allowed him what he’d tried hard to fight against. With a low groan, Noah’s hips stilled and soon his warm cum mixed with Nicholas’ still in my mouth and I swallowed it greedily when Noah slipped out. 

My hands were still bound to the bed and the silk tie was beginning to cut deep into my wrists. 

“These are starting to hurt,” I said quietly. 

Nicholas reached up over to me to untie the binds and brought my wrists to his lips, kissing away the red marks. 

“Still with us?” Noah wondered, running fingers through my hair. 

I nodded in pure fulfillment, even though I had yet to cum. “I'm good.” 

“That’s what I want to hear,” Nicholas praised before helping me to my knees, leaving a few chaste kisses along my spine.

Noah and him switched positions so he was behind me and Nicholas was in front of me, all three of us still on the bed that seemed suddenly too small for us. If this was going to be a recurring thing, we needed to talk about getting a bigger bed. 

Nicholas cock was already hard as he brushed the head over my lips, precum glazing them. 

“Open up for me, honey,” he tapped my jaw and I obeyed. 

As I worked my mouth up and down his length, I felt the presence of Noah’s face behind my ass and pussy, his chest rumbling with approval. 

“Look how wet you are, angel. Is this for us?” 

I did my best to nod over Nicholas but it didn't seem enough for Noah, who smacked my ass with a viscous palm; my cries muffled by the cock in my mouth. While Nichiolas always was a gentle lover with the occasional rough ness, it seemed like that was all Noah; which I didn’t mind. I craved it. 

“No one else gets you this wet, huh?” Noah chuckled dryly, typing his fingers through my arousal, making even more of a mess between my legs. 

I dug my nails into Nicholas’ thighs, hoping he understood omy silent answer as I continued to bob my head up and down, doing my best to please him. I wanted to please both of them. Noah lined himself up behind me, slowly pressing himself in and very quickly, I clenched around him. I didn’t doubt the sight of us tangled like this was immoral but with the way our skin brushed against each other, our shared warmth emanating in waves throughout the bedroom, I didn’t care. 

Our souls connected together, becoming one just like our bodies had, and I knew from this moment on, both of those two would love me until my last breath; even if one of them hadn’t verbally admitted it yet. 

While Noah found himself in a comfortable position behind me, I could tell it was hard for Nicholas to keep himself up right due to the force of Noah’s thrusts. So he reached for Nicholas’ hand, linking them together and holding their arms above me, a way to anchor themselves together. 

Nicholas’ twitched inside of my mouth, an indication he was close, so I laid my tongue out flat for him. Make up mixed with tears ran down my face and my jaw was starting to lock up from the force of his ruthless fucking of my throat. 

“You took him so well, angel. Now, be a good girl and let him use your throat like the slut you are,” Noah growled through gritted teeth. 

I felt his cock reaching points I’d never felt before, it bruising my walls but I continued to cry out in pleasure with each thrust. Nicholas’ eyes casted down to where Noah and I were connected, an inky black filling his once shiny iris’. The way their bodies pulled me back and forth between the two of them, almost a silent telling of the way my heart had felt the last few days. 

“Fuck,” he squeezed Noah’s hands. “The sight of your dick sliding in and out of her. I can’t-. Shit.” 

All at once, Nicholas spilled all over my tongue, shooting himself deep down my throat. The taste was different than Noah’s yet I still drank every last drop. Completely spent, he fell to the bed just as Noah slipped out of me momentarily lifting me into his arms, my legs wrapping around him. 

“Where are we going?” I asked, almost breathless. 

I caught sight of Noah in the mirror as we walked past it, naked and tattooed skin glistening with his sweat and my pussy clenched with the need to be filled again. 

Noah’s strong arms carried me out of mine and Nicholas’ room over towards his, kicking the door shut behind him. 

“He gets to hear what I had to for years,” Noah smirked before tossing me onto his bed. 

The LED light glowed from underneath his bed and it made him exude a red aura around him, almost pulsating with his desire for me. He stood at the end of the bed, basking in the sight of me undoubtedly cast in the same aura, and I noticed the softest of smiles pull at the corner of his lips. His chain and bracelet being the only article of some kind of clothing as he ran a hand through his hair, slicking it back out of his face.

“What?” I sat up on my elbow, suddenly self conscious. “Are you having second thoughts?” 

He quickly shook his head before crawling over me. “Far from it, Y/N. I love you.”

My heart swelled with his admission and tears burned in the corners of my eyes. I’d been anguished for so long thinking Noah wouldn’t feel the same. My love for him was something I admitted to myself years ago. After another night of shared moments between us that went unspoken; both of us pushing that night far back to the recesses of our minds because at the time, we thought it was wrong. But now, knowing how we felt about each other, maybe there was hope that moment could be talked about without the feeling of regret. 

I seized his lips in a leisurely kiss, savoring everything about him. 

“I love you too, Noah,” I proclaimed before kissing him again and basked in the feeling of how finally he was mine; both him and Nicholas. 

He wasted no time in slipping back inside of me, wrapping one of my legs around his back so he could fuck into me with a new angle. Neither of us would last long, this we knew, so as our kiss became more frantic, his thrusts more uneven, I let my hands wander down to the cool skin of his ass, grabbing a hold of it to push himself deeper. 

“I love you so fucking much, angel,” Noah panted, punctuating his words thrust for thrust. 

My head fell back deeper into the pillows, his familiar scent engulfing me, staining deep into my skin, and as my orgasm finally washed through me after a night of denial, I cried out his name like a prayer; a woman praying to her king. 

“I love you too, Noah.” 

As the headboard slammed against the wall violently, matching his thrusts, Noah soon fell over with me and kept himself locked inside of me to make sure I took every last drop of him. 

The earlier feeling of exhaustion suddenly clawed its way inside of me again just as Noah pulled out, his cum dripping down my leg, and collapsed next to me. I lay on my back with him on his stomach, a tattooed arm over my stomach to keep me in place. I dragged a finger over the colorful red colors of the tattoos, the one Nicholas did for him, and let out a sigh. 

“What’s wrong?” Noah yawned, kissing my shoulder. 

I frowned. “We left Nicholas alone.”

Before Noah could say anything, his door was almost kicked open, a very tired Nicholas stepping inside of the room with a pair of blue boxers hung low on his hips. 

“ ‘m tired,” he mumbled while slipping into the bed next to me, arm resting just below Noah’s. 

The three of us lay in silence for a few moments but before I could let the slumber consume me, I let my voice carry out into the air in front of me. 

“So, does this mean we're officially a couple? Or technically would it be a throple? I don’t know how this works,” I admitted sheepishly. 

Noah propped his chin up on his palm, looking down at me while Nicholas played with my hair. 

“You can date both of us, together. We can do things as a trio or you can do things with each of us separately,” Nicholas said. 

“But Nicholas and I won’t be doing stuff with or to each other. Like I said, I love you, just not in that way,” Noah chuckled before ruffeling Nicholas’ hair. 

I turned towards the latter man, reading his expression to make sure this was what he wanted. I didn’t want him to give up his own feelings and beliefs to make me happy. 

“You’re fine with this, Nicky?” I trailed a finger across his jawline. 

His own fingers palmed my breasts. “More than fine with it, Y/N. I knew for a long time now that your heart wanted Noah’s along with mine but I wanted you to be the one to realize it on your own.” 

Noah stifled a yawn behind his hand and went to snuggle up next to me. “I’m exhausted.” 

I giggled as he buried his face into my neck while Nicholas rested his chin on my head. Noah’s bed was immensely smaller than Nicholas's and mine, but somehow, we managed to make it work. We could figure out the logistics of where the sleeping arrangements would be and fine-tune all the details tomorrow but for now, we would rest. 

[abiomens]

baby, i’m in too deap

paring: nicholas ruffilo x fem!reader

content warnings: none, just tooth rottting fluff

a/n: for @amourtoken 🫶 really short, just simple n sweet. title is from nonsense by sabrina carpenter.

dividers by saradika-graphics !!

The sound of the gentle rain and Deftones filled the dimly lit room, soft humming coming from Nicholas. Pasta boiled on the stove while you sat in the living room, Nick had insisted that you take a break for once. Arguing wasn’t an option with him, as he said “My baby needs to relax for once. Let me do it.”

His cat, Jerry, and the one you two adopted together, Kaffee, were snuggled up with you on either side, Kaffee purring loudly. You were mindlessly scrolling on pinterest when you suddenly felt hands on your shoulders, the familiar tattoos coming into sight. “Dinners ready, honey.”

Nick gestured to the plate he sat in front of you on the coffee table, chuckling when your eyes lit up. He made your favourite. He kissed the side of your head and walked around the side of the couch, gently moving Jerry to the side so he could sit next to you. Jerry glared at him and Nick pretended to be offended, which made you giggle.

He grabbed the plate next to yours, setting it on his lap, and you mirrored his actions. The warmth of it slowly seeped through the blanket on your lap, shooing Kaffee away when she tried to snag the contents of the plate. Nick smiled, hand reaching back to untie the messy bun on top of his head. His eyes caught yours when you looked over at him, running a hand through his hair.

“You’re so handsome,” He kissed your cheek, his hand cupping the other. “All you, love. You’re beautiful.” You could feel your cheeks heat up, leaning your head on his shoulder. Nick chuckled once more, grabbing the remote off the coffee table and switching the tv to Netflix. “Movie marathon again?” “Why not?”

You were tucked against his side, watching the way his fingers moved along the bright screen in front of him. The colours illuminated his face perfectly, thick rimmed glasses pushed up on his nose. You could feel your eyes getting heavier.

You don’t know which one, but a Star Wars movie was on, seemingly as background noise while nick drew on his iPad. He wanted to show you his most recent works, and things he was working on for recent bookings. He’d lean over and kiss the crown on your head occasionally, he could feel you smile against his shoulder.

The cats were snuggled up with you guys, Jerry behind Nicks head and Kaffee on your lap. You sighed in content and snuggled further into him, hearing his soft chuckle and melting into the gentle touch of his lips on your forehead. He looked so pretty, soft blue eyes looking down at you. “You can lay on my lap again if you want, honey.”

Who were you to deny him?

Nick smiled when you slipped down and rested your head on his thighs, letting out a little hum of content. Kaffee got comfortable next to your side, curling up in a little ball. It felt like your brain melted a little bit when he threaded his fingers through your hair gently, pulling you further into a sleepy state and tugging your blanket farther around you.

Your eyes fluttered when his fingers scratched at your scalp so so gently, nuzzling your face against his thigh. Yawn after yawn escaped your chest, trying so hard to fight against sleep. You almost let it take you under until Nick said something. “C’mon, let’s go to bed, yeah? You’re fallin’ asleep honey.”

You reached up and made grabby hands at him making him chuckle, setting his iPad aside and gently scooping you up into his arms. He could get the iPad later.

Soft purrs filled the comfortable silence, Nicks arms wrapped snuggly around you while you slept. You were fast asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow, Nick had to get you into your PJ’s clothes himself since you could barley even keep your eyes open, let alone stand up and walk around.

Sleep was slowly taking him as well, Kaffee and Jerry snuggled up on either side of you. Nicks heart swelled when he looked at you, you look so at peace. You’re just so pretty, the love of his life. He pressed one last kiss to your forehead before he finally fell asleep, the smallest smile on his lips.

[circle-with-me]

Sweet Nothing - Nicholas Ruffilo x Reader

Pairing: Nicholas Ruffilo x reader

Warnings: none. very fluffy :)

Word Count: 1k

Tag list: @deathblacksmoke @concretenoah @malice-ov-mercy @sitkowski @meekahy @cookiesupplier @lacktoesandtoddlerants @sammyjoeee @collective-heartbreak @agravemisstake @catharsis-in-darkness @unicornfairytail @0fth34byss @to-be-written @collapsedglasshouses @itsafullmoon

You prop your elbow up on the window of your car bringing your hand to your face to massage your temples. Traffic on the highway was backed up, as if your day hadn’t been bad enough, and your tension headache was getting worse. You honk your horn at the person in front of you knowing it wasn’t going to accomplish anything but it let out some steam. The two of you exchange rude gestures and you groan, scrubbing your hands over your face.

All you wanted was your bed and Nick.

The front door closes behind you and you're immediately met with a mouthwatering aroma. All of the stress from work had left your appetite lacking but you couldn’t deny Nick’s cooking. As you step closer to the kitchen, you hear Sinatra softly playing and even softer still, he’s humming.

You stand in the open doorway and observe him. His raven black hair is pulled into a messy bun. Perched on his nose, one of your favorite things about him are his black rimmed glasses. He pushes them on top of his head when the steam of the pasta hits them, causing them to fog up.

Anyone else would be annoyed by such a thing but not Nick. He stands there with a content smile, continuously humming and cooking without a care in the world. You desperately wish you could be as laid back as he is. He’s your safe person. The one thing you know you can rely on. Just being in his presence relaxes every muscle in your body.

Nick turns around, his eyes lighting up at the sight of you. He wipes his hands on the kitchen towel draped over his shoulder and moves towards you. Both hands cup your face as he leans in to place a delicate kiss on your lips. He pulls back and smiles fondly, caressing your cheek with his thumb.

“Welcome home, my love.”

His face drops when he sees the red splotches on your face from where you’ve been crying. You shake your head, unable to tell him what happened without your voice breaking. He understands immediately, wrapping you in his arms and kissing your head.

Nick lets you melt into his arms and stays there with you, silent and without any need for discussion. You’ll tell him when you’re ready and he has all of the time in the world. He hums “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” softly in your ear. He rocks you gently to the music, and pretty soon you’re swaying together.

The buzzing in your ear from his chest vibrating eases the pressure in your chest. The hand that isn’t clasping yours tightly strokes your back. You let out a sigh of relief and you feel Nick smile as he kisses your temple.

“Why don’t you go take a long hot shower while I finish dinner? We can eat in the living room and watch your favorite movie.”

You murmur an “okay” but don’t move, wanting to enjoy his warmth for a moment longer. Nick delicately reminds you that he’s cooking pasta, mentioning what happened the last time you distracted him from cooking. Suddenly remembering the burnt noodle incident you blush and quickly turn on your heel towards the stairs. Nick chuckles at your hasty exit, snapping you with the towel.

“For what it’s worth!” He yells up the stairs, a smile clear in his tone. “It was totally worth losing the pot over.”

You return to the kitchen later, clean and significantly less tense thanks to the scalding hot water of the shower. Nick compliments your pajama choice, an oversized band t-shirt and white cotton shorts with cherries on them. The shorts are his favorite because he loves playing with the frilly trim at the bottom, the tips of his fingers lightly brushing against the top of your thighs. Naturally, you wore them all the time so he would do just that.

Nick hands you a plate of food with a smile and a kiss on the forehead. He tells you that everything is set up in the living room and he’ll be in shortly. The plate in your hand nearly falls to the floor when you walk into the living room.

Nearly every pillow and blanket in the house was on the floor in front of the couch forming a makeshift bed for the two of you. A huge tent made out of bed sheets was covering the couch and most of your little pallet area. Gold twinkling lights were strung across the tent. A few lit candles were placed safely on the mantle. It all completely took your breath away.

“What do you think?” Nick whispers in your ear. You jump, nearly dropping your plate again. He wraps an arm around you and kisses your cheek, nuzzling you as he waits for a response.

“It’s wonderful, Nick.” You lean against him. “Thank you.”

Another kiss is planted on your cheek and he moves his hand to your lower back guiding you to your spot for the evening. Nick turns on Labyrinth and you eat your dinner together, singing the songs together and reciting every line. After you finish eating, you sit your plates on the coffee table that had been pushed to the side of the room. Dishes can wait until later. You settle into Nick’s arms, tucking your head underneath his chin.

As the night passes, you end up lying on your back with your head in his lap opening up about your day. Initially your story is all hands and theatrics, going on about a particularly frustrating coworker. When you get too worked up, he carefully takes your hands and places kisses on each knuckle. It was his extraordinary Nicky way of saying “calm down, I’m here.” You take a deep breath and collect yourself, continuing.

The endearing smile on his face as he listens intently almost makes you forget what you’re talking about. You can be your most vulnerable self with him without fear of judgment. His blue eyes have never once regarded you in any way other than tenderness and understanding. As you continue, the tattooed hand making gentle passes through your hair soothes your worry.

Eventually, you drift into silence. It’s comfortable. Relaxing. You hear his breathing change and see that he’s fallen asleep, his head shifted to one side. You’ll wake him up soon enough to lazily drag yourselves to your room for the evening. For now, you’ll lie here and thank whatever deity exists that this man chose you.

[artificialstardust]

roommate!ruffilo roommate!ruffilo roommate!ruffilo

just a soft spoken, introverted sweetheart. just wants to watch anime with you and i mean, hey, if you end up cuddling on the couch together oh well. mhm if you fall asleep on him can’t be helped.

personally imo a dream of a roommate — respects boundaries, cleans up after himself, do we think he cooks at all???? on occasion????? mayhaps??? stealing his graphic tees????

(also i want friends who are tattoo artists that’s so sick)

Okay so I’m assuming this is roommate!ruffilo that you’re more than friends with but not dating(?) so I’m going off of that

Roommate Ruffilo is genuinely so sweet. He’d always make you coffee in the morning when he makes his. You’d typically join him on the balcony and enjoy your coffee together while he has a smoke. It’s typically not a surprise if you walk out of your room in the mornings wearing one of his hoodies you stole from him while he was away on tour (you have four or five of them in your closet) and he just smiles and shakes his head when he sees you in them.

He’s pretty quiet for the most part. Your relationship with him is basically black cat and orange cat energy. He’s the shy reserved one, but will always listen and entertain you because you like yapping to him and get bored easily sometimes. He thinks it’s cute listening to you ramble. If you ask if you can braid his hair, he’s saying yes and sitting between your legs on the floor so you can braid it. If you’re outside, he lets you put flowers into the braids.

You typically take turns cooking, occasionally you’ll help each other. If he cooks, you do dishes and vice versa. If you do actually make anything together, is usually dessert. Then you both do dishes (one washing, the other drying and putting them away). Usually on those nights, you’ll sit on the couch together watching a new anime one of you found. It’s not uncommon to find the two of you sitting on the couch with your legs in his lap or one of you cuddled up to the other (he loves to cuddle into you, he thinks you’re soft and warm).

It’s also not uncommon to just lay in bed together if one of you gets bored and wants to just chill with the other. Usually it does end up with the two of you cuddling and showing each other memes you find. Neither of you are surprised if the other falls asleep on them. You’re comfortable with each other.

He ALWAYS asks you if it’s okay if the guys can come over, because the space is just as much yours as it is his. And you give him the same courtesy. If it’s someone you’re both friends with you’d just be like “I’m inviting xxxx over” and you’re both typically chill with it.

On days he knows you’re not feeling good or are just not in the best mood, he’ll leave a small gift bag outside your door with your favorite snack and a singular rose he got from the flower shop to make you feel better. When you say thank you, you end up hugging him longer than usual. He never complains because he loves having you in his arms, but won’t ever admit that to you.

And don’t think he doesn’t steal anything from you, because he does. He will very much steal your hair clips, hair ties, headbands and scrunchies for his own hair. From where he gets lost in drawing or working on something he doesn’t want his hair in the way at all. Especially if he’s cooking. He will casually grab the hair tie off your wrist without saying anything about it if you’re just sitting there watching him so he can tie it back while he cooks.

He also offers to give you tattoos when it’s around your birthday, holidays or just because you’re both bored. You don’t take him up on it 7/10 of the time because you like thinking pieces though, but you do have a couple he has done for you.

Rarely if he’s drunk, he is very cuddly and much more extroverted. He’s laying on you, saying random shit and just giggly. He will just casually mention that he wants to kiss you but forgets he said it the next morning. He falls asleep on you every single time.

One last thing, he can and will scare the shit out of you by jumping out at you from around the corner

[mischievous-mayhem-is-upon-you]

More date vibes with Nicky

[darksigns-exe]

i need you so much closer - nicholas ruffilo x f!reader

warnings: none

word count: 632

note: have some soft thoughts now that it’s starting to get a little colder 🩷 @deathblacksmoke and I talked about collage au!Nick and then this happened.

Nick has been your best friend since freshman year. He’s in the theatre program, while you work on your sociology degree.

You’d met by chance running into each other in the cafeteria one morning and the rest had been history. Two years later, you find yourself spending most of your free time with Nick.

Tonight, you’re holed up in your dorm room. Nick shares his room with a guy from Sweden, and neither of you wants to annoy him with your weekly movie night.

Which brings you to where you are now. It’s not unusual for the two of you to be cuddled up like this. You’ve fallen asleep with Nick pressed up behind you on multiple occasions. You feel so awfully comforted with his arm wrapped around your middle, keeping you nice and close to his body. Nick comes with the added benefit of being a walking, talking heating pad. And Nick is more than happy to keep you warm when the heating in your room is particularly stubborn again.

He squeezes the soft flesh of your hip, effectively catching your attention. When you turn to look at him, Nick gives you a fond little smile. It sends a bolt of warmth through your body.

Things between you and Nick have always been purely friendly. Although you could not deny that you had sometimes wondered if you could be more. The fondness between the two of you did feel like it was more than friendship.

“The review made this sound so much better.” Nick admits quietly.

You let out a relieved sigh, “I don’t think that I’ve ever seen a more boring film.”

Behind you, Nick's body rumbles with laughter, “It’s really bad.”

You swap to a show you both know and love shortly after that. With Nick still comfortably wrapped around you, an idea sprouts in your head. You don’t want to ask the question outright, afraid that it’ll change your friendship forever. But perhaps you could start things in a different way.

You shuffle back against Nick, bringing yourself even closer to him. Nick's hand shifts and somehow manages to slip right under your shirt. You feel him pause for a moment, seemingly waiting for you to react. When you don’t, his hand finds its usual comfortable spot on your tummy.

You risk another look over your shoulder, only to find Nick focused on the screen in front of you. The light that emanates from the screen paints his face in the prettiest colours, and suddenly you find yourself much more interested in him than the show you’re watching. You shift, flipping over so that you’re facing Nick. It takes him a moment to catch up with what you’re doing, and when he looks down at you, it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

There’s a moment where everything seems to come to a standstill. And that’s when you realise that you don’t had to ask a question you already know the answer to. The hand that had previously rested against your middle, comes to rest against the side of your face. His thumb traces across the top of your cheek so tenderly. You feel your cheeks heat at the touch. A near endless moment passes before you finally kiss. It’s nothing big, just a chaste, little kiss. A gentle admission that both of you had been holding onto for so long.

You remain like this for the rest of the night. It almost feels as if some kind of dam has been broken, as Nick keeps pressing the softest little kisses to whatever sliver of skin is within reach. This feels like a natural progression from how you were before, and you’re so very glad that all it took was a little bit of moving around.

[concreteburialplot]

VIRALITY // 12

12 - Liar, Liar*

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x fem!oc [vallie]

more: chp 11 // masterlist | crossposted: ao3 | word count: 14.7k (strap in)

Summary: Following Noah and Vallie's thrift shop adventure, Vallie faces the consequences of her actions. After the launch of their new music video, Vallie realizes she might not like what she wished for. A pivotal decision reshapes the group's dynamics, leading to a significant change in the connection between a specific pair.

warnings: alcohol, bratty noah, smoking, heartache, yearning, regret, jealousy, unprotected sex, cream pie x2, oral (f receiving), cum eating kinda?, angry nick but also soft nick???, fluffy???, she's just a girl ok, mediocre writing lol, sorry this has taken 500 years, my apology is that it's long as fuck, 18+ MDNI

Disclaimer - This story is AU since it does not follow actual timelines or events. The band here is still fairly small & does things entirely on their own with no other support.

Reminder; Minor band crossovers (greta van fleet / chase atlantic) to supply side characters :)

don't like it don't read it. don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

VALLIE

When Noah and I walk up the gravelly incline to the warehouse, the rest of the band and Bryan are all on their phones lounging on different surfaces - chairs with feet propped on tables, against the brick wall, spread out on the floor. Boredom was an understatement. 

“Well, took you guys long enough.” Grumbles Jolly. “What did you get lost picking out scarves?”

My heart skips a beat at the coincidental wording. “Sorry, we really had to dig to find anything.” I mumble quickly, throwing the plastic shopping bags on the ground.

“Well, did you find anything good?” Jolly asks.

“Oh, we found something good alright.” Noah replies, shoving his hand into a plastic bag to retrieve the cursed fedora.

I roll my eyes and playfully smack his arm, “Shut up.”

“No.” He says matter-of-factly, with a popped hip and a hand on his waist. “It’s your fault, you put it on my head.”

“Yeah whatever.” I laugh and wave off his silliness.

I suddenly feel all eyes in the room on us accompanied by an awkward stillness. Of course they’d be thrown off, we could barely be in a room together before we left, why wouldn’t this be strange?

I glance up for a split second before digging into the bags and find Nicholas’ eyes watching us intently. His brows low and eyes sharp.

In my tummy swirls a feeling so closely reminiscent of guilt, similar to when I was with Kras last night. But neither make any sense. Nicholas and I aren’t anything, it shouldn’t matter. Kras and I are just friends. And Noah and I definitely are not anything. And yet, here he is looking angry and here I am feeling guilty.

After handing out the thrifted clothes and a wardrobe change, the boys come out in their new clothes, and they look perfect. The pieces we chose embody each one of them flawlessly. They fit the direction Noah wants for the music video but they’re rather simple. Folio’s is the most basic in a plain black shirt, black jeans, and his sneakers. Jolly’s is a black long sleeve button down, tight black pants paired with his hefty combat boots. Noah’s outfit was centered around the black peacoat we found as the statement piece with a black turtleneck beneath it, black pants and boots. We even picked up something for Bryan even though he was staying behind the camera - he got a vintage Kodak t-shirt, which he thought was “rad as hell”. 

Since I showed up in last night’s sweats, I figured I’d pick up an outfit as well. I found a grey sundress. It’s something I would normally only wear in casual settings, but I wanted to be comfy and it was the only halfway cute thing in the thrift shop.

The outfit I picked out for Nicholas was the best one, but I may be biased. It’s a thin black sweater with thumb holes atop a black turtleneck paired with baggy, strappy pants and finished off with black leather combat boots.

With the new uniforms, the band and crew seem to have a reinvigorated morale. It did exactly what I needed it to do, it gave them the spark they needed to bring the music video to life. 

We spend our time running the song over and over while Bryan gets shots from all angles. I got some content for posting and even posed the boys for some social media trends, which they all hated except Folio, and Bryan in the background. Since I was done gathering content, I sat at the plastic picnic table on the far side of the warehouse diagonal from the makeshift stage while they continued to shoot slightly different variations.

I plug my phone and camera into my Macbook to import the photos and videos I took to begin editing them and schedule them for posting.

“Vallie.” I hear a voice call amongst mumbling between a take.

I snap up to match the voice to the source: Noah.

“What’s up?” I respond, half expecting to be met with some sort of criticism or snarky remark.

“Were you paying attention to this last take?” He questions, but not in an accusatory way that I’d normally anticipate, just genuine curiosity.

“A little, why?”

“What did you think of the intro?”

A hush blankets the room and the rest of them look between us as if they’d seen a ghost. I’m glad we’re finally kind of getting along but I wish he wouldn’t make it so obvious. Especially in front of Nicholas. The odd feeling in the room dances a chill up my arms leaving goosebumps behind.

“Oh um, I liked it? It was cool.” Truthfully, I’m not sure that I did like it, but I just wanted to move on from being in the spotlight.

He gives me a wide, genuine grin like a kid in the middle of a playground, “Sick, I thought so too.”

I glance over at Bryan, who is slowly but surely becoming my lifeline in these situations. He offers a ‘I don’t know either but just roll with it?’ look with a brow wiggle and a barely noticeable shrug.

Mid-shoot everyone needed some sort of touch up. I somehow had my job description expanded to include wardrobe and makeup.

The one I dreaded the most was Nicholas.

I walk over to him, mute, focusing my eyes straight forward which for me happens to be his chest. I keep my gaze away from his eyes as I fix the collar of his cardigan.

He too keeps his focus off of me.

“Sorry I acted like an ass earlier.” He says sounding partially sincere, partially grumpy. “It was out of line, and I’m sorry.”

I clear my throat. An apology was the last thing I expected and the last thing I deserve. “It’s okay.”

A quiet pause fills the small space between us.

“So, you’re seeing someone?” He questions casually but I can tell it’s anything but casual.

I press my lips together contemplating if I really want to commit this hard to the ruse. But Kras is right, and my gut is right. No matter how much I want to stay entangled with him, it can’t continue. I don’t know how well this action plan is going to work, but I have to try.

“Yes.” I lie with fake confidence. “Kind of.”

He takes a moment to process my response which makes me question how good of a job I did with lying. Finally, he nods, his eyes still locked on something past the opening of the warehouse.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.” I sweeten the lie.

“I guess that’s a good thing then, you know, for our jobs and all.” His voice light, as if he’s purposefully making it seem more nonchalant than it is. I know I hurt him, I can hear it in his voice. Whether it was his heart or his ego that I hurt, I’m not sure but all I know is that we went too far. “It just would’ve been nice to know.”

The painful twist in my chest confirms that I made the right decision to stick to the plan. I'm already so invested in him that it hurts; I can’t imagine how much worse it would be if I let myself fall any deeper.

I swallow the very faint lump in my throat and flatten out the thin material resting on his chest. Spending another night with him was a bigger mistake than I realized because just the warmth of him beneath my fingertips makes me want to melt right into him. I wish I didn’t know what he felt like, what he sounded like, what he tasted like. Suddenly I want to take everything back. I want to unkiss him, unfuck him, unknow him. In the span of knowing them and being on their team, I’ve regretted it about 75% of the time but there, standing in front of him, it is a solid 110%.

I wish I had just heard them on the radio and found myself at a show, 

or met them in passing during industry events,

or maybe bumped into him in a coffee shop where he suggests his favorite latte,

or literally any other scenario that would grant me the luxury of just reaching up and kissing him without feeling confliction or guilt. 

The reality of the whole situation hits me all at once and my entire mood shifts abruptly, in a way I’ve never let happen while I work. I’m normally exceptionally skilled in the art of separating my emotions from most other things but this cuts through all of that. He lowered my walls more than anyone ever had and reached a part of me I’ve never let someone do before. I swallow hard and blink the burning in my eyes away. The last thing I need is for him to see my eyes full of tears. 

So, I do what I think makes the most sense. I yank each edge of my mouth into a tight-lipped smile and step back to hold out an overly professional hand, “Friends?” 

He nearly grimaces at the word and begrudgingly snakes his hand into mine, gripping it firmly and giving it a shake. “Whatever you want, Vallie.” He grumbles sarcastically before walking off back to the set. 

He leaves me with my hand vacant and my eyes blinking at the wall he just stood in front of. I knew he wasn’t happy with me, but I didn’t know we’d end up starting over.

The music video that Noah had fast tracked was finally finished regardless of what the others felt. It was filmed and edited by Bryan with Noah glued to his side the whole time to make sure it followed his “vision” for it perfectly. It was hyper tuned into the details and nuances Noah was looking to cultivate for the prematurely released song.

Two weeks later, I hit post on the music video with the band scattered around the rehearsing studio, celebrating with beers and laughter. I roll my eyes playfully at the happy, excited actions that ensue behind me but bite down on my lip to keep myself from smiling. While it’s not everything they or I wanted, it’s still a damn good video and I’m proud of them for it. 

All entanglements aside, it’s the first time that I’ve felt like I truly helped them achieve something great. Their growth and publicity had been steady but incredibly slow despite all of my best efforts. Their initial boom from the band going viral months ago plateaued. I’ve been chalking it up to the lack of content, but the faint fear of chronic stagnation has been creeping up my ribs every so often. It’s something I warned them from the beginning - “Anyone can go viral, but it won’t last.” I recall telling them at the very start. “Don’t get attached to the numbers.” I told them that it burns bright for a split second then gets snuffed out by the next big thing to come along. But they didn’t listen to me, and I can see the disappointment and fear worsening in Noah’s features with each day that passes. It’s all made me wonder if there was even a place in the scene for them, or if what their label is trying to accomplish is possible. It made me question my ability to execute the task handed to me.

I posted all of the music video promotions across all forms of media and posted some of the pre-filmed short form content onto TikTok and Instagram. “Alright well, your part is done now, I’m just gonna keep working.”

I stand, beginning to gather all the papers scattered over the table. “With all the teasing I posted for the video and all the extra content we filmed, engagement has gone up by about 5%. I estimate it going up by about another 10-15% for the next couple of weeks while the music video gains traction.” I dropped the edges of the paperwork against the table a couple times to align them into a neat stack. “You’ve gained a significant amount of followers as well, at least compared to before the promo content.”

“Aw Vallie,” Bryan throws an arm around my shoulders pulling me into a side hug. “Is this your way of saying we did a good job?” 

A small smile tugs at one edge of my lips, “I’m just saying that the music video is projected to do really well.” I sink my teeth into my lip again, this time to keep from speaking but it fails. “And, I think you guys did a great job.” I rush the words out at the end.

The large grin is nearly identical across the five boys' faces, each one unique in their features, but the glow of finally birthing a new project is potent in all their smiles.

As they mingle about, I return my focus to my screen and sit back down. Likes and comments begin to pour in, faster than expected. The promo posts over the past couple weeks built up a significant amount of anticipation and excitement, I just didn’t expect it to gain momentum so fast. Compared to other clients, this engagement is nothing, a couple hundred comments within the first 30 minutes, but for them, it’s huge. I decide to keep it to myself for now to not get their hopes up too high since the numbers could plateau quickly. 

But before I exit completely, my eyes catch a couple comments that churn my stomach unexpectedly.

nobody told me the singer was so hot !!

damn he’s fine as fuck

oh my god Noah is so !!!!

the whole band is fine wtf 

god that bassist is sooo sexy

My eyes narrow and my teeth involuntarily clench at the last comment. A dull ache throbs in my chest at the words, a feeling I’m not quite sure I’ve ever experienced before. 

My plan to leverage their looks was working. This is exactly what I wanted, what I held meetings for, what I fought for, what I was hired for - so why does it suddenly feel like a loss?

I glance at Nicholas, who’s joking with the others, his face lit up with a carefree smile. My heart aches but, this is exactly what I wanted for him. For them. Yet, the jealousy gnaws at me, sharp and unrelenting. I want to be happy for them, I should be happy for them. But each comment feels like a tiny dagger, reminding me of what I’ve deprived myself of.

I exhale and close the lid to my laptop. I tap along the table just trying to shake my head from whatever confusion is clouding it. I just need to get out.

The group talks amongst themselves as they celebrate, and I inevitably fade into the background. I start gathering all my belongings to throw into my tote bag to hopefully make a quiet exit.

“You liked the music video?” A voice startles me from across the round table. 

I look up to find Noah. I quickly glance to the red solo cup he’s holding carefully in his hand. It makes me wonder what’s in it and if it will lead to the same aftermath I've seen before with a drunken Noah. It’s only when I look around that I realize that each of them has a drink in hand and they’ve put music on. 

“Yeah.” I shrug, “I think you guys did good.” 

“We, you mean.” He corrects.

“We?” 

“Yeah. You helped pick out the outfits and did all the promo stuff, did you not?” He raises a brow. 

“Yeah? I guess I did.” 

Noah rests his arm on a nearby high-top table, taking a sip of his drink. “We made a deal, you and I a while ago, do you remember it?” He questions.

I silently filter through our meetings in my mind. While working together we’ve made many deals, but I land on the one I know he’s talking about and a smile creeps across my lips. “‘I’ll do my job well, if you do yours.’” 

An unexpected wide grin pulls at his mouth, “Well, I think we both did our jobs well here.” 

He was right, we did. Looking back at the meeting just a few months ago seems so juvenile now. Noah was so angry about me being brought on to the crew and while I wouldn’t say he’s necessarily thrilled that I’m here now, I can tell that I’ve grown on him. I proved myself to him, at least a little bit. 

“Yeah, we did.” I nod with a genuine smile, “Proud of us.” 

He wrapped an arm around me and gave me a squeeze, smiling down at me. “Me too.”

I leaned into him and caught a glimpse of Nicholas watching us both. The look on his face was flat and filled with an unreadable expression. 

My eyes flicker down immediately to avoid him then pull away from Noah’s grasp. He then goes on to ramble about music and the album, I’m not quite sure why he’s over here talking to me and not to the rest of them but, here I am. His words fade into the background as I look past him to spot Nick again. This time he’s caught up in some excited conversation between Brian and Folio. His wide smile meets his eyes filling them with such happiness as he laughs. His tattooed fingers interrupt the condensation on a beer bottle and his hair is gathered up into a low bun. He looks breathtaking and it suddenly fills me with a sadness I don’t think I’ll be able to beat here. 

I’ll never have the opportunity to be with him at a party like this, or out to dinner or have a normal, run-of-the-mill relationship. There’s a bit of heartbreak in watching him ensue in an interaction we may never have now that I’ve ruined everything.

But I ruined it for a reason, my brain reminds me.

I catch Nicholas’s eye. His smile falters, and for a moment, I think he senses my unease. I quickly look away, swallowing the lump in my throat.

The ache that makes home in my ribcage does not care for reason; its only concern is pain. It suddenly becomes unbearable, and I need to leave, now. I need to go home, I need to fucking get of out here.

 “I’m sorry, Noah but I have to go.” I hurriedly throw my bag over my shoulder and snatch my keys.

“What? Why? Is everything okay?” Noah asks, concerned.

“Yeah, I just… I need to go,” I say, my voice wavering as I avoid his gaze. “I have an important meeting I have to be home for.” My hand tightens around my keys so hard that the jagged edges dig into the flesh of my palm.

I stand up, the room spinning slightly as I do, despite not having anything to drink. I head for the door, each step feeling heavier than the last. I can feel Nicholas’s eyes on me, but I don’t dare look back.

Pushing through the front door, I take a deep breath of the cool night air, but it does little to calm the storm inside me. I walk quickly to my rental car, fumbling with the keys as tears blur my vision. Finally, I manage to unlock the door and slide into the driver’s seat. 

As I drive home, the tears flow like rivers down my cheeks. The ache in my chest is relentless, a constant reminder of what I’ve given up and the lies I’ve told. I made my choice, and now I have to live with it. But the pain doesn’t care about reason or decisions. It only knows how to hurt.

I don’t stop driving until I reach my Airbnb. I stumble inside, dropping my bag on the floor and collapsing onto the couch. The tears flow freely now as I sink into the furniture, wishing things could be different but knowing they’ll never be. As much as I’d like to, I can’t undo my decision nor change the reasons behind it. As long as I work for them, Nick and I can never be anything more than just friends. Maybe in another life, there’s a him and I that work, but it’s not this one.

It doesn’t matter how much it hurts seeing him at events, or getting comments in videos, or even just being around him. He’s not mine and he can’t be. I’m not what he wants anyway, his career is just taking off the last thing he needs is to be entangled with someone who wants more than just sex. Is that even what I want? I barely even have time to fucking cry in the car, how would I balance a relationship?

Mourning the loss of what could’ve been is hard, but an inevitable breakup would be worse. However, just because I chose the lesser of two evils doesn’t mean it’s easy.

I glance at the time on my watch and scramble when I realize I’m late for my meeting. Unfortunately, I didn’t lie to Noah about that.

Flipping open my laptop, I’m right on time when the zoom call rushes in. I wipe the remnants of my tears and allow myself one more sniffle before answering.

The bright, shining faces of my original clients light up the screen. With drinks and cigars in hand, they greet me with their usual exuberance. They’re getting one last party in before they leave for tour soon. It’s the first tour I haven’t joined them on since working for them. The realization that I’m not going with them mingled with the feelings I just ran away from only worsens the pain in my torso. There’s nothing more I wish to do than to just run off with them to Europe and forget all about this mess with Nick. But I have too much on my plate to be touring with them right now, so I’m working remotely for them temporarily.

Their naturally cheery demeanors lift my spirits, and while it is still a work call, they always seem to make work fun. It makes me wish even more that I was going with them. Working for them has always been easy and enjoyable. The stark contrast between them and Omens is jarring. While we do have a longer history, Greta has always felt comforting, uplifting and loving – like family. I always feel valued and appreciated, and I never have to question my belonging with them.

Omens, on the other hand, has been nothing but complicated, painful, and uncomfortable. Instead of feeling like I’m part of something, I often feel like I’m navigating through a minefield between Noah’s volatility and Nick’s complexity. It’s hard to feel motivated when the environment is so hostile, and it leaves me questioning my place and purpose. Up until recently that is – things seem to be looking up now that Noah and I are getting along.

Comparing the two bands makes me long for the simplicity and warmth of Greta even more. The comfort and camaraderie I immediately feel when answering the zoom only highlights the cold, challenging reality of working with Omens. It’s a reminder of what I’m lacking and a painful acknowledgment of the complication of my current situation. The situation I put myself in.

Yet, Noah’s words ring in my ears, “We did our jobs well.” Perhaps it’s not as bleak as it once was. The memory of our truce plants a seed of hope in my chest. Maybe Bryan was right, that they just need time to come around.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” The bassist, Sam, jokes, pulling me out of my thoughts. The bright white of my screen flashing on my pale face in the darkness of my living room can’t be doing me any favors.

“You need a drink, Val?” Jake, the other long-haired guitarist asks, raising an enticing drink in a short glass.

“Maybe a smoke? You are in California after all.” The shaggy-haired singer, Josh, teases.

I force a smile and shake my head. “I would kill for both of those right now. Just a fucking exhausting day.”

“I know, our girl’s makin’ it big, taking on new bands, new quests.” Jake states in a dramatic, faux-English accent. “On to new horizons.” His arm splays out theatrically to a non-existent skyline.

“Leavin’ us behind!” Sam adds loudly in a whiny tone as he takes a sip of his cocktail.

The last words shoving a sword into my gut. Maybe Nick isn’t the only loss I’m mourning. Working for Greta has consumed my entire life for years, they’re the closest thing to family I’ve got. Perhaps not being engulfed in them constantly has left me lonely.

I roll my eyes lightheartedly and shake my head, “I could never leave you guys, you know that.” Clearing my throat, I change the subject. “How are you guys feeling about the tour?”

Their excitement is infectious, and I find myself relaxing a bit as they talk about their plans and the cities they’ll visit. For a moment, I forget about Nick and the tangled mess of emotions he brings.

“Hey, Val!” Josh shouts, raising a glass snapping me out of my haze. “We’re going to miss you on this one!”

“Yeah, it won’t be the same without you,” The quiet drummer, Danny, chimes in.

I force a smile, trying to push the sadness aside. “I’ll miss you guys too. But I’ll be there in spirit, and we’ll keep in touch. You know I’ll be checking in every day.”

They laugh and raise their glasses in a toast, their contagious energy making it a little easier to breathe.

The boys filter out, saying their goodbyes to entertain the other guests at their party.

“Yeah, I’ll catch up to you guys later. I have to ask Vallie about something.” Sam waves the boys away.

He turns in his chair to face me, a look of concern washed over his face as he tucks a chunk of long hair behind his ear. “Are you okay? You seem a bit off?” He asks softly.

I take a deep breath, trying to steady my voice. "I'm fine, Sammy. Just a lot going on."

He looks at me for a long moment, his puppy-dog eyes filled with understanding. "You know you can talk to me, right? If you ever need anything. We're all going to miss you on this tour, but we understand why you can't come."

I nod, "I know. Thanks, Sam," I reply, with a tight smile. "I appreciate it."

Under other circumstances, I would maybe try to talk to them but they’re so excited for Europe, I can’t possibly weigh them down with anything serious.

He gives me a reassuring smile. "Take care of yourself, okay? And if you need to vent or anything, just call. We're all here for you, we love you a lot."

"Thanks," I say again, feeling a lump form in my throat. "I will. I love you guys too."

With one last nod, Sam ends the call, leaving me alone with my thoughts and letting reality crash back in. I close my laptop and lean back in my seat, staring at the other side of the vacant couch. The room feels emptier than before, the silence more suffocating. I can’t shake the feeling of being left behind, both professionally and personally.

I set my laptop on the coffee table and pull a blanket over my body in hopes that it would help me disappear. I curl up in the corner of the couch with my knees up to my chest. I haven’t felt heartache like this since high school and it’s over something that was never even serious. My mind keeps drifting back to Nick, to the hurt and anger in his eyes when I pushed him away. I know it was the right decision, but the pain is parasitic in a way I was never prepared for.

I blink at the blank wall in front of me. I’m not home, I’m not with friends or anyone I know. I work for a band that half hates me most days, I fell for a boy I can’t have and I’m staying in a pay-by-weekly Airbnb. I’m alone in a city I hate, in a home that’s not my own with people who barely like me. That’s when I realize that perhaps heartache isn’t the only pain that sits heavy in my heart – it’s also the weight of loneliness that’s been consuming me, rotting me from the inside out.

Only when I acknowledge the seclusion is when it wraps around me like a suffocating shroud, seeping into my very core and eroding my sense of self.

I close my eyes and let out a long, shaky sigh, trying to steady my racing thoughts. I have to keep moving forward, despite the overwhelming difficulty and the sadness in my bones. There’s a faint flicker of hope buried somewhere beneath the despair, a small, stubborn, workaholic part of me that refuses to give up. For now, I hold on to that glimmer, however faint, and vow to take things one step at a time.

This was the 4th rehearsal in a row that I’ve attended this week, and while it never gets old watching their sets, the content becomes repetitive. So, while the boys are playing and Bryan snaps shots of them, I scroll through Zillow.

I don’t even notice that they’re done until Nicholas is beside me cracking a water bottle open. “What’re you lookin’ at?” He asks. Slowly but surely, we’ve been making our way back up to being friendly, despite the break down I had weeks ago after the music video launch. If I just focus on the work, I can almost stifle down our history. Almost.

“Oh shit, you scared me.” I chuckle but it soon fades with the frustration that’s built up over the past couple days. “Augh, I have to find an apartment or something because this Airbnb is getting so expensive. My other client’s tour just started, and I just took on another band, so I’m stuck here for a while. But I can’t fucking find an apartment building that doesn’t have a waitlist before next fall.”

“Shit sucks around here.” Chimes in Jolly from the corner taking a sip of his Gatorade.

“Here let me see.” Nick swivels my laptop towards him before I have a chance to stop him. He holds his tongue between his lips with his brows furrowed, like he’s focused on some super spy mission. He scrolls for a while, adds some filters, scrolls, takes more filters out, then turns the laptop back to me. “Ta da!” He smiles his signature grin and it’s nice to see it in my direction again.

“Whoa, how the fuck did you find that!” My eyes nearly pop out of my head as I scroll through the listing, it having almost everything I was looking for. “Oh my god, they’re doing a showing for a perfect place right now, I gotta go.” I hastily begin packing my things up, haphazardly throwing all my scattered belongings into my tote.

“Whoa whoa,” Halts Jolly, “You’re not going alone.”

I furrow my brows at him, confused, “What do you mean?”

“Listen, do you know how unsafe it is for a woman to go to realty showings alone?” His voice is so filled with genuine concern and a splash of paranoia.

“You need to stop watching so much true crime dude.” Folio rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, he’s obsessed.” Bryan adds with a pointed thumb towards the long-haired man. 

I blink up at Jolly who’s face is dead serious. “We’re coming with you.”

I normally wouldn’t let men tell me what to do or how to do it, but maybe Jolly is right. Men are dangerous especially around here and I have also heard horror stories about women going to check out a house and it turning out to be a sketchy place with an equally creepy man.

“Okay.” I nod. “Fine.”

Looking over the four of them, I realize that Noah had already disappeared. He’s been cutting out immediately after each rehearsal, so I think nothing of it.

“I got nothing better to do.” Shrugs Nicholas. I don’t look too much at him because if I did, I would notice the strain behind his eyes - one that looks both pained and conflicted. 

Arriving at the open house, I walk around the small loft, letting my fingers trail over the cracked railing of the stairs. The apartment is smaller, dingier and dustier than advertised. When I make it upstairs, the 4 are up there already. I catch them looking unimpressed, almost disgusted at the place but immediately feign impression for my sake.

“It’s…pretty nice, Vallie.” Says Folio, with a forced smile.

“Oh, spare me, it’s a dump.” I sigh, defeated. “The asking price is like double with all the fees and shit. It’s ridiculous.” I rub two fingers into my temple. “I don’t know what I’m gonna fucking do.”

There’s a bit of silence filled with pitiful faces from the group. Nicholas’ eyes look focused but lost in thought. Before any of them could speak, Bryan perks up. 

“My old room in the house is empty since I moved out last year. Why doesn’t she just move in with you guys?” He suggests as if it’s the most obvious answer. 

My mouth nearly falls open at the insane suggestion. The trio’s focus snaps to him with the most shocked and betrayed looks on their faces, brows raised and jaws open. 

“What?” I ask for clarification, because he couldn’t possibly be serious.

Bryan ignores their reactions. “Exactly what I said. It just makes sense? You’re with them all the time.”

“I uh-“ I falter, somewhat overwhelmed with the four of them looking at me. “I mean, it really seems like that’s a group decision…”

“I’m cool with it.” Folio surprisingly speaks up first, “We do have the spare room and we could use the extra rent money. You take a lot of Ubers to get to us anyway, so.”

For once Folio seemed to be cooperative, nice even. Maybe they are warming up to me afterall.

Jolly sighs heavily, “They have good points. It would be convenient but… Noah’s not going to be happy.”

Anxiety wins over the excitement dying to bloom in my stomach as I look over and meet Nick’s gaze. His eyes contain the same pained and confused look as before. He’s conflicted.

“I couldn’t give less of a fuck about what Noah wants. He’s outnumbered 4-1.” Nick snaps. “She needs a place, and we have one.”

I tug at my lip and contemplate my options. This would be the easiest and cheapest path. “Okay fine. Just for now. I’m gonna keep looking so I don’t overstay my welcome.” I meet eyes with each one sternly. “Thank you.”

I’m grateful for the offer but I can’t help but be nervous about being so close to Nicholas all of the time. The room I’d be staying in is the empty room between Noah and Nicholas’ rooms. I’d be between the two I would least like to be around. I contemplate backing out for a brief moment but quickly remember how much the Airbnb is costing me weekly. As much as I value my independence and solitude, it’s just not worth the cost and isn’t sustainable. The last thing I ever want to do is live with them, but it seems to be the only good option right now.

A week later, the boys help carry the last of my boxes up the stairs while I warn them about how if they break anything they’ll be paying for it.

Nick, Jolly, and Folio are all out of breath as they set down my boxes.

“Jesus, how do you have so many boxes of stuff from that tiny Airbnb?” Folio asks, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

I shrug, “I had some of my stuff from home shipped out to me, since I’m staying in Cali longer than I expected.”

Jolly and Folio filter out leaving me alone with Nicholas. I’m immediately on my toes around him. Just being in the house with him is difficult. The only other two times I’ve been here, we’ve slept together - once on the couch downstairs and another in the room beside us now. It’s hard not thinking about having him that way again with those reminders all around me. The memories pack a punch not just in my core but in my heart as well. We’ve just started to get back to normal after our little falling out. But what even is back to normal with us? Were we ever really normal?

“Do you need help unpacking?” He asks though it doesn’t seem forced or ingenuine.

I ponder the offer as I shift on my feet but ultimately shake my head. “Not now. I don’t know if I’m going to fully unpack yet, since I’m still looking for another place.”

He nods, seeming somewhat unhappy about my response. “Okay well, if you need help with anything, let me know.”

“Okay, I will. Thank you.” I scratch my arm anxiously and pause before I speak again. “I feel bad… I know Noah’s unhappy because I’m here.”

Nicholas sucks in a breath. “Yeah, he’s not happy. But I don’t really know what else to say to him. Maybe you should talk to him.”

I let out a laugh. “Yeah fucking right. I’m sure I’m the last person he wants to talk to right now.”

“You never know. It might help.” He steps towards the door to leave. “I think we’re gonna order Chinese for dinner. You cool with that?”

I nod and he reciprocates before leaving the room downstairs. 

I take a deep breath and shake out the nerves from my hands as I walk to Noah’s door. I give it a knock and wait for a response.

“Come in.” He calls and I peek through the cracked door.

He rolls his eyes and glares at me. “Great, it’s you.”

“You know you don’t have to be like that.” I say calmly while I push the door open more and lean against the door frame.

He doesn’t even look at me and keeps his eyes on the TV across from his bed where he lays. His hands are diligently working on a gaming controller. I can’t help but notice how his long-tattooed fingers rapidly and strategically click on the buttons. Something about it creates a slight buzz between my legs.

“You just invited yourself into my home. I think I have some right to talk to you any way I want to.” He retorts.

“I didn’t invite myself; I was invited. By your bandmates, your best friends. But you know that already. You’re just being an asshole.”

“Again, this is my house. I can be an asshole in my house if I want to. This is what you signed up for. But you know that already.” He mocks me with my own words.

I try my best to keep my bubbling anger from spilling. We had been doing so well since the thrift store, but it seems that we’re back to square one all over again.

“I’m not trying to be here forever, alright? This is temporary. Like I want to be here any more than you want me to be. Believe it or not, this isn’t exactly a walk in the park for me either.” I sigh, trying to keep my composure. “I’m just trying to make the best of it while I’m here, okay? Can we agree to just be civil?”

He glares at me, but I know he knows that I’m right. “No promises.”

As I look around my new room, I suddenly feel closed in by the towers of boxes that surround me. I should’ve waited until after I signed some sort of apartment lease before having some of my stuff shipped from New York. I was just homesick for a place of my own again, that I wanted my belongings outside of what fits inside a couple carry-on suitcases. I’ve been living out of suitcases for longer than I’ve ever wanted and so maybe unpacking some of my clothes and things wouldn’t hurt much. Afterall, I could always just repack them. When I stand and find that some of the towers are even taller than me, I recognize that I might need help afterall. 

I find myself in front of Nick’s door and a nervous feeling swirls in my stomach that I try to ignore. 

This is a bad idea, I think to myself.

But it’s too late. My knuckles have already met the door. 

After a couple moments, Nick opens the door with a gaming headset pulled off his ear and a controller in his hand. It’s clear by the way his eyebrows drop that he was expecting anyone but me. The look is enough to make me back out of my own decision. 

“Oh, sorry to bother you, you’re obviously busy, nevermind!” I ramble quickly in a way I rarely do - but I rarely feel the way I do with him. Mid-turn to get back to my room he unexpectedly grasps my wrist, not hard but not soft either, enough to keep me in place. 

“What’s up?” He asks and I can’t tell if he’s annoyed or genuinely curious. 

“Oh, um, well, you see,” 

Fucking get it together 

“I was going to ask if I could take you up on your offer? To help me unpack?” I already regret the words before they leave my mouth. “But if you’re busy it’s no big deal!!” 

“I, uh, yeah. Sure. Let me just finish this round and I’ll come help.” He begins pulling his headset back on before I can fully answer.

“Oh, yeah sure. Take your time!” 

He closes his door, and I dart to my room, immediately pacing the small amount of floor I have available.

Why did I fucking do that?

“You okay?” His voice speaks from the doorway where he’s propped up against. 

I nearly jump out of my skin, not expecting him there so soon. It makes me wonder if he had just quit his game instead of finishing it like he said. 

“Oh, yeah yeah.” I wave him off. “I always get nervous with moves.” 

It was a lie. With my job, I’ve had to get used to moving often, so it doesn’t phase me any more. But with the shake in my voice, I know it wasn’t a great sell. 

“Right.” He replies skeptically, pushing himself off the frame. “What did you need help with?”

“I need that box up there.” I point to the box above my head. “And that one.” I gesture to the one right beside it at the same height. “And that one.”

He chuckles at how the boxes seem like skyscrapers to me, “Okay sure.” 

He pulls each one down with ease. 

“Anything else?” He asks. 

I sink down to the floor behind one of the large boxes. “I’m just gonna start unpacking these, if you wanna help.” I shrug up at him. 

Nick looks over at another box, grabbing something before handing it out to me. “I think you might need this.”

Blood rushes to my cheeks at the mistake, “Thank you.” I lift up and take the box cutter from him. 

I thought that would be the limit of his contribution but to my surprise, he sits down across from me. When I give him a confused look he simply jokes, “I’m really interested in what the fuck are in all these boxes.”

I bite down on my bottom lip to keep a grin from spreading across my lips. After our conversation at the music video shoot, this is the last thing I expected him to do. 

I’m still sat on the floor with half empty boxes while Nick acts as the fuel to the operation, putting things wherever I direct him. He slides a chunk of books into a bookshelf that was left behind. Books are always the first thing I like to unpack after the necessities. They're so personal and really give a space a real essence of you. I’m only unpacking my favorites to display for now since I don’t know how long my stay will be.

“You sure do have a lot of books about pirates?” He states quizzically, with an arched brow and a chuckle. 

“Oh,” I laugh, “Yeah, one of my clients really loves them for some reason.” I gesture to the books he just shelved. “I get one of those every Christmas. Those and a box of fancy cigars.”

His eyes look over the spines of the grandiose black leather books. “You’ve been with them a long time.” He observes each one, then looks over at me. “6 Christmases.” 

I blink up at him because there’s no way it’s been 6 years already. Logically, I knew I’ve accumulated a large stack of those books, but it isn’t until now that it clicks. “Wow. You’re right. I hadn’t thought about it like that.” 

“They’re lucky to have you.” He says, crouching down to get more books. “You’ve done so good for us so far, I can’t imagine what your main act gets.” 

The statement feels almost double edged, though it doesn’t seem that he intended it that way. It’s simple and meant to be flattering but it just settles a guilt in my bones. It sounds like he believes that Omens aren’t a priority, which isn’t true. 

“It’s not like that.” I scoff, handing him another set of non-pirate books.

“Oh sure, as if you don’t prioritize Harry Styles over us.” He shoots back playfully.

The Harry bit has gone so far that it makes me wonder if they truly believe it, it would be hilarious if they did. 

“You know I don’t manage him. Wish I did though.” I laugh, shaking my head. I grab another couple books and tug at my lip contemplating whether I should start some lighthearted competition. “You know… Noah guessed my ‘mystery client’.” 

A mischievous smirk blooms on my lips when Nick’s brows raise with an, “Oh did he now?” 

I nod, “Yep! Gonna have to step up your game I guess.” I shrug jokingly.

“Well, I’m either gonna have to go shake him down or,” He points to the room next door with the box cutter then looks at the mess around us. “Or I’m just gonna have to keep unpacking until I figure it out.” 

A giggle escapes me and a warmth blooms in my tummy. I hate that this is how my body reacts to him, but I quickly snuff it out. “I guess so.” 

As he continues to help me, the room overflows with laughter, and I can’t remember ever having fun unpacking. I try not to dwell on the way I feel when I look at him for too long. If I can just push aside the flutter in my chest when he crinkles his nose, or when he smiles wide and sparkles fill his eyes, or when he makes my name sound like music — if I can just move past all of that, then maybe living here won’t be so bad. Perhaps friendship with Nick wouldn’t be so difficult if it looks like this. 

The first week was awkward and uncomfortable and foreign, but the boys acclimated faster than I imagined - which, thinking about it now, made sense. They’d spent the better half of their lives being forced to live with random people for unforeseen periods of time. They just moved around me, and I moved around them, we all were on different schedules and busy doing other things better than paying attention to each other. Outside of rehearsals or meetings, I rarely saw them. The boys have an affinity for the nighttime while I’ve been operating on three different world clocks due to my other clients touring in different countries. 

I found that juggling three bands when I was barely managing two, was becoming quite taxing. I usually pride myself on my work ethic and multi-tasking skills, but it’s wearing on me in ways I’ve never experienced before. My sleep schedule is basically nonexistent, having to be awake for California, Europe, and Australia times simultaneously. I work between cat naps and run off of at least 4 cups of coffee daily. While work has been miserable, it’s definitely helped keep my mind distracted.

After a much-needed shower and a fresh set of button-down pajamas, I follow the smell of pizza downstairs. I find the boys gathered around the kitchen.

“Hey Val.” Folio smiles then falters, “You look fucking exhausted.” He shakes his head apologetically, “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Just - help yourself, there’s plenty. Noah can put away like three pies on his own.” He chuckles nervously, pushing past me to the living room. 

“Think of it as your belated welcome party.” Jolly says before taking a bite, leaning against the counter. 

“Thanks.” I smile but it doesn’t meet my eyes when I notice Nick remained silent and Noah’s absent.

Jolly nudges my shoulder as he walks out of the kitchen, “Noah’s picking out a movie for us, if you wanna join.” 

“Cool.” I nod, fidgeting with my fingers. As much as I’d love to protest wasting my time, all I need to do right now is sit and turn my brain off for an hour or two. 

“Can’t guarantee it’ll be any good if Noah’s picking.” He calls over his shoulder. 

“Hey!” Shouts Noah from the couch. 

The edges of my lips curl up slightly at the interaction but quickly fall. Even though it's been about a week, this is the first actual night of us all together. It’s only then that it settles in my bones the reality of the move.

I precariously pluck a slice from a half-eaten pie and plop it on a paper plate. “You uh,” I thumb over my shoulder. “Stayin’ for the movie?”

He pushes himself off the granite counter. “I was planning on it, yeah.” He peels another slice from the round and places it on his already full plate. He’s in a dark hoodie for a band I’ve never heard of with the sleeves pulled up to his elbows, showing off all the beautiful ink on his arms. I try not to let my eyes linger too long on the way his fingers fold the slice in half. “You?” 

I steal a water bottle from the fridge and lean against the counter. “Yeah, if he picks a good movie.” I tease. 

He nods and makes his way out of the kitchen. 

I shake my head to wake myself up some more and meet the rest of them in the living room. My feet are the first to freeze when my eyes land on the screen. Noah chose the same indie horror movie that Nick and I had chosen the night he stayed in with me. How he managed to find and decide on the same random movie we did, I’m not sure. What I am sure of is the way my heart feels like it fell into my stomach. My hand grips the plate, and my eyes instinctively search for Nick. His gaze meets mine, the look in his eyes about matches my own before he hardens it. His jaw clenches and he focuses back on finding his place on the couch. 

When I finally make my way over, I find there’s only one seat left between Noah and Nicholas. I take a silent but deep inhale before squeezing between them. The close proximity to Nicholas sends a familiar, anxious thrill through me, but I push it aside, trying to focus on the moment. We’re friends now. Colleagues. I have to keep reminding myself of that. We’ve only ever been colleagues.

“Alright, everyone shut up.” Noah waves a lanky arm around with the remote clutched in his hand. “Movie time!” 

Folio reaches up and flips the lights off to cast an eerie darkness across the room, perfect for the mood of the movie. As the opening credits roll, my heart drops sharply and makes the idea of the pizza on my plate nauseating. The memory hits me like a wave, threatening to pull me under. I can see it so clearly in my head - us sharing two different kinds of chips, Doritos and Cheetos. I can hear the storm that raged that night, the one that kept him from leaving. I remember vividly the conversation we had about having that team-building party. I can hear him promising that the boys would come around. I blink quickly to keep tears from spilling down my cheeks. The last thing I need is to cry in front of them. 

Noah nudges me with his elbow. “You okay? You look a little pale.” He asks with a smirk, teasing me as if I was already scared fifteen minutes into the movie. In the corner of my eye, I can see Nick glance over at us, trying to disguise the fact he’s obviously eavesdropping. 

“Yeah, just... tired.” I half-lie, giving him a weak smile while keeping my eyes on the tv.

“Sure, scaredy cat.” He laughs, returning his focus to the screen.

The movie continues, and I’m transported back to that rainy night. I wasn’t nervous that entire night until we were sitting criss-crossed next to each other watching this specific scene before the first jumpscare. The flutter of nerves didn’t find home in my belly until we both jolted at the perfectly timed jumpscare and our knees ended up pressed together for the rest of the night. I remember the way his hand brushed against mine, the way we laughed and screamed at all the right moments. Sitting here now, with him so close yet so far, is torture. 

As the film progresses, I can’t help but notice Nicholas shifting slightly in his seat. His arm brushes against mine, sending a jolt of electricity through me. I hope no one else notices my reaction. It’s jumpy and juvenile, the way we both try our best not to have any part of our body touching for too long. 

Halfway through the movie, a particularly frightening scene makes everyone scream and laugh at each other’s fear. Nicholas turns to me, and for a brief moment, our eyes meet. There’s a flicker of something in his gaze, something that tells me he remembers too. But then he looks away, and the moment vanishes.

The rest of the movie is a blur. I’m too focused on the memories, the emotions, and the painful reality that the past is just that—the past. When the credits finally roll, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and everything is suffocating and tight. 

Folio reaches up from his seat in the recliner and flicks the light back on. “Jesus fucking christ, Noah.”

“What the fuck.” Echoes Jolly.

Noah grins widely, obviously proud of his peculiar choice. “You’re welcome.” 

“It was great.” I rush the words out and quickly push myself off the couch. “I need to get some air. Excuse me.”

A cackle erupts from Noah, “Musta scared the shit out of her.” 

As I speed to the front door, I hear someone smack him with a pillow and Nick’s voice telling him not to be an ass.

I nearly burst through the front door and find salvation in gripping the porch railing. For a moment I question if I might actually get ill. Never in my adult life have I ever felt such visceral agony over another human being, nonetheless a man. The cool night air brings a welcome relief and finally I feel like I can suck in a full breath.

I squeeze my eyes shut when I hear the door open behind me and my heart races when Nick appears in my peripheral. Fuck. 

“Hey,” he says softly.

“Hey,” I reply, my voice almost trembling.

He pulls something from his pocket, flipping the top open and holding out a box of Newports to me. “Want one?” 

I sigh, contemplating it even though I haven't touched a cigarette since college, but god do I need it now. “Thanks.” I pluck a cig from the box and place it between my lips. I cup the end from the wind while he flicks the lighter for me. The second it’s sizzling and lit I take a much-needed deep inhale, letting the nicotine fill every gap in my lungs giving me a split second of reprieve. 

I close my eyes as I exhale, hoping the smoke would take the pain that sits in my chest. For a moment, we stand there in silence, the weight of unspoken words hanging between us. The sounds of the night filled the quiet, frogs croaking and far off traffic from the city. 

He steps closer, close enough that I can feel his warmth and the smoke of his cigarette. “I remember that night, you know.”

I pause, swallowing hard. “Me too.”

The ache in my chest is palpable, like it sits between each individual rib. I feel it in my bones, in my veins, in my fucking marrow. 

When I made the decision to distance myself, to hurt him, I thought it was the best decision for us all. I had no idea it would hurt this bad. It hardly seems like a good idea now. 

Every part of my body tenses up like a muscle throbbing in pain. My index and middle fingers involuntarily squish the cigarette, and my fists tighten. I have no reason to feel this way, I did this. 

“Val,” he says, his voice breaking through my turmoil. “We never really… talked.”

I bite my lip hard, the cigarette trembling between my fingers. “What’s there to talk about, Nick?” I can’t bear to look up at him. 

“Us, Vallie.” He says more sternly this time, turning to me fully. “You just shut me out. And I got upset so I walked away, but we didn’t talk about it.” 

Of course, the only man I fall for is the one that actually wants to talk about his feelings. 

“We made a choice, Nick.” I grind my teeth to ward off tears, keeping my gaze focused on a far off tree. 

He shakes his head, stepping even closer. “No, you made a choice. And I went along with it because I thought it was what you wanted. But standing here now like this… I can’t help but wonder if you made a mistake.”

I close my eyes and exhale. All I want to do is give in to him, tell him he’s right, that I did make a mistake. But my reasoning and logic remains the same. 

The words hang in the air, heavier than the smoke around us. I don’t dare look up at him, tears blurring my vision. “Maybe I did. But we can’t. And I told you,” I pause, giving myself one final second to rethink my decision. “I’m seeing someone.”

He snuffs his cigarette out on the wood railing then grasps my shoulder harshly, turning my body to face him. “If you’re going to lie to me, at least do it to my face.”

I drop my own cigarette from the sudden action, and he quickly stomps it out for me. My eyes widen at his words and his shift in demeanor. I blink up at him and shake my head. “I’m not lying.”

“Yes, you are.” He takes a step forward causing me to step backwards, closing me into the porch railing. His hand finds my jaw holding it firmly in place, analyzing me with furrowed brows. It runs an ice-cold shiver down my spine. “I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your voice.”

My chest rises and falls rapidly. “I am, seeing someone Nick. I’m happy.” I lie through my teeth even though it’s useless. 

“No, you’re not, Vallie.” His words are sharp and intentional. “Look at you.” He gestures over my body. “You’re shaking through a cigarette just because you’re standing next to me.” 

“God.” A tear slips down my cheek and I try to take a breath, but I feel even more suffocated than before. “Fuck, Nick.” I harshly push him away. I look between us and still for a moment before tears prickle my eyes. “I’m sorry, I can’t fucking do this.”

I rush past him, through the front door, and don’t stop running until I close my bedroom door behind me. I slump against it, sliding down until I’m sitting on the floor. The weight of everything crashes down on me, and I bury my face in my hands.

“FUCK,” I scream, the sound muffled by my palms to not be heard by anyone else. The tears come hard and fast, my shoulders shaking with each sob. I’ve never felt so vulnerable, so exposed. The pain is unbearable, and all I can do is cry.

Thankfully the boys had already gone to bed the night of me and Nick’s fight, so we didn’t have to answer any uncomfortable questions. I cried, got it out of my system, and isolated the emotions into a little folder I tucked into my heart, just as I did the last time. Although, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t getting more and more difficult. Two weeks later, I’m still avoiding Nick, but I don’t act like a scrambling mouse any time he enters the room. Tensions have calmed down and it’s impressive how much can be hidden behind a mask. 

Today, I’m tearing the kitchen apart looking for a measuring cup, how they’ve made it this far without a measuring cup, I have no idea. 

As I’m bent over into a lower cabinet, I spot Nicholas in my peripheral. Obviously, he’s the one I’d been avoiding the most but the feeling was mutual, us rarely interacting with each other after movie night. We barely spoke to each other during meetings and avoided each other around the house. 

“Looking for something?” He asks with a bit of condescension in his tone. 

The comment immediately irritates me as I’d been hungrily searching for this goddamn utensil for the past half hour and all I fucking want are pancakes on my day off. I bite my tongue in order to not snap at him and back out of the cabinet, standing up. “Would you happen to know where a girl could find a goddamn measuring cup around here?” My irritated tone greatly outweighed Nick’s more subtle one.

His brows raised, shocked that I’d even speak that way, nonetheless to him. His brows didn’t stay up though, they fell rather quickly into thick, straight lines. The way his face turned cold so quickly made me shiver with a fear crawling up my back. “I know you’re not speaking to me that way in my own house.” 

Immediately, I want to rival it but try my best to stifle it down. However, the feeling was too strong. “I know you aren’t talking to me like that, period.” Crossing my arms over my chest and raising a brow at him. 

He steps towards me, “With work? Sure, I can play nice. Outside of work? I can talk to you however I want.” 

My brows furrow at his sudden hostility. Even though we’d been avoiding each other, things have been calm and professional. He’s never spoken to me like this before and while I’m used to dealing with intimidating industry men on my own, the darkness in his tone has my heart thumping in fear. For the sake of my self-respect, I square my shoulders and straighten my back. “Don’t fucking talk to me like that.” 

“Or what?” He provokes, stepping even closer to me. “You work for us, remember? You’re nothing more than a glorified assistant.” 

My jaw practically drops to the floor and red-hot anger rushes through my veins. I hear the smack first, ringing through the kitchen before I feel the static-y stinging in my palm. I gasp and bring my hands to my mouth while I watch him quickly reach for his reddening cheek. I instinctively want to apologize but, he deserved it. 

When his eyes return to mine, they’re the darkest gray I’ve ever seen them and the fearful thumping in my chest returns. He steps forward, backing me into the corner of the cabinets and the air in my lungs vacates when I look up to find his eyes burning holes in my body. My eyes widen at the sudden, unexpected action. “Nick.” I tremble out in the space between us. 

“You think you can just move in and run shit.” He taunts, his voice low and gravelly. “Haven’t even been in the house a month and you’re already acting up.” 

The fight or flight response in my body begs me to cry, to apologize and shove him away but the burning lava in my bloodstream demands otherwise. I clench my jaw matching the intensity of his stare. “I’m an adult Nicholas, I can do whatever the fuck I want in the home I pay to live in.” 

His hands land on the granite countertop at each side of my hips. “You have one hell of a fucking attitude today.”

The energy shifts into something slightly less aggressive and more sensual. As much as it should disgust me after all the shit he just pulled, it has my thighs pressing together. 

I cock my head at him, and in a tone that borders on innocent, I challenge him, “Yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?” 

His hand goes to touch my hip but stops short, stopping himself. We both know the lie I told him, but it seems like he might’ve actually believed it afterall. He lowered to just below my ear. “If I could, I’d make sure the only thing coming out of that bratty little mouth of yours are those pretty noises you make.” He whispers, his voice low and raspy.

His words went straight to my core, filling it with rampant buzzing. The war in my head waged between keeping up with my plan versus just giving into him like I always seem to do. However, it seemed as though the wetness pooling between my legs was winning.

I must’ve taken too long for him, long enough to crack his resolve just a bit. He pressed his forehead against mine, forcing my focus up to him. The look in his eyes had switched to something softer than before, if I didn’t know better, I’d say there was a hint of sadness in his crystal grey eyes. “Can I touch you?” He asks barely above a whisper and when I don’t answer immediately, he begs again. “I need to touch you, Val.” His voice carried what sounded like a deep desperation, and it all yanked at my heart - but guilt was a beast for a different time. 

Truth is, that I feel the same desperation as he does. I nod quickly against him, “Touch me.” I cave into him, like I always do. “Touch me, touch me, touch me.” I repeat softly before his lips clash into mine and his hands finally meet my hips, immediately pulling me onto the counter. As soon as the coolness of the granite meets my thighs, my eyes round at the realization that we’re in the kitchen. I pull away before he has a chance to deepen the kiss, “The others.” I breathe out urgently with wide eyes down at him.

He shakes his head quickly, “They’re out of the city for the day.” 

It could’ve been a bold face lie, but that’s all the reassurance I need to proceed on our poor decision. His tongue swipes across my bottom lip and I oblige faster than I’d like to admit. Our tongues find each other and begin to entwine themselves. He grasps my hips and pulls me to the edge of the counter to press himself against me. I can’t help but let out a tiny moan into his mouth at the feeling of his covered erection pressing into my clothed center. 

His hands trail up my sides to cup my cheeks before parting from me, “You feel what you do to me?” Soft but needy pants through parted lips fall on my own.

My heaving chest and my pathetic excuse for a nod was enough for him to rejoin our lips. I wrap my arms around his neck tugging him even closer. Our tongues fight for dominance but he’s winning, and his thumbs dig into my hip bones in an almost painful way, as if he’s scared I’ll vanish from his grasp. 

My fingers find their way into his hair that’s wrapped up in a loose bun and dig my nails into the roots, letting out a small sigh against his lips. He tastes like cigarettes and coffee in the best way.

I pull away for a moment and let my focus move from his lips back up to his eyes. My hands glide over the waistband of his jeans, dipping two fingers behind the zipper and pulling it towards my body. “I thought you had a lesson to teach me?”

A groan rumbles in the back of his throat as he processes my words. His fingers snap to my thighs, digging harshly into the flesh before spreading them apart as far as they’d allow. Warmth tinted my cheeks at the action, feeling exposed. I’m still clothed but now it’s just the thin fabric of my panties keeping the most intimate part of me covered. It’s not like it’s anything he hasn’t seen before, but it still feels vulnerable. 

“Tell me, what lesson do you think you need to learn?” He asks me while his fingertips urge my lower back to move further to the edge of the counter. 

“Hmm,” I feign thinking hard about the answer. “I think that you think it should be my mouth, but I don’t think that.”

“Oh, no?” He questions, “Is there anything you do that makes you think you deserve a lesson?”

“Nope.” I reply with cheery innocence. 

“That’s interesting, because you’re massively overdue for one.” He tugs my legs so close to him it almost pulls me off the counter. 

He leans down and presses a kiss just below my ear, then trails it down my neck. My heart beats so fast against my ribcage I fear it could burst. 

While his hands roam and grope anywhere they land, he’s buried in my neck sucking marks into it. “I’ve missed you.” He admits, mumbling against my skin and makes my heart rate skip a beat or two. 

I tilt my head back and scrunch my eyes closed. We shouldn’t be doing this in the first place, nonetheless, saying these sorts of things to each other, but it seems neither of us care enough to remember why. 

I tangle my fingers in his hair, giving it a gentle tug and nudging my head against his. “I’ve missed you too, Nicky.” 

He pauses the same way I did but this time he moves back up to rejoin our lips. 

There’s a couple words that linger in the back of my throat - words I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell him. Words that I’m not sure make sense for us or if they’re just the chemicals rushing through me. But I want to say them, and I’m scared that if I go to say anything at all they might tumble out. 

His hands find and tug at my shirt which I quickly pull away and discard it across the room. I take the opportunity to do the same with him. I catch the hem of his shirt, and he stills. I realize in the two times we’ve slept together, I’ve never seen him shirtless. That combined with the way he hesitated when I went to pull it off makes me think he might be uncomfortable. “May I?” 

He hesitates but nods and lets me be the one to pull it off him. He’s tattooed all over his chest just as he is on his arms, and it makes me want to go exploring all over his body. Our lips reunite and our tongues reconnect before I get a chance to compliment his appearance. I work quickly at undoing his jeans while he struggles to pull down my skirt.

Finally, bare to each other, he pulls me taut against him to make sure I can feel just how much he’s missed me. He nestles his thick shaft between my folds, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t missed that part of him too. I let a small whine slip into our kiss at the feeling of him throbbing against my clit. 

He disconnects from me only to press his forehead against mine, “I need to be inside you.” There’s a greater feeling behind his claim, more akin to ‘I need to be as close to you as possible’.

“I need you, please.” I reply, sounding more desperate than I would’ve liked. 

Now, not my brightest moment, letting him push his way inside me without more prep when I haven’t had him in so long. The stretch his girth brings is a delicious but brutal burn. He takes mercy on me by taking it slow and I feel every thick inch of him until he bottoms out, nuzzling the tip of his cock into my cervix.

“Fuck.” I breathe out, resting my head back on the cabinet. 

While it’s painful, it feels just like puzzle pieces reuniting, like he was made for me. He fills me completely, leaving no empty space.

He only stays stagnant for a short bit of time before he begins rutting into me. I remember how good he feels once adjusted to him. His head is tucked into the other side of my neck, littering it with more marks. He lets small grunts and groans tumble into my neck as he drills into me. With every thrust, his cock hits the bundle of nerves deep within my core and makes my skin burn. “God, you take me so fucking good.” He mutters beneath my ear and it makes me grip onto him tighter.

He detaches from my neck and unexpectedly places both hands on my cheeks, directing my gaze onto him. His hips slow but don’t halt as he forces me to focus on his stormy eyes. 

“Tell me it was a lie.” He demands, with a slight melancholic undertone.

I tilt my head a bit at the request, unsure of what he was referring to or why he’s bringing it up now. “What?”

“I know you lied to me, tell me it was a lie.” He pleads again, with more desperation this time. “Tell me there was no one else.” 

As I take a moment to process, he returns to his spot on my throat, pulling the skin of my neck between his teeth and one hand finding my swollen clit, rolling circles into it. My eyes widen at the feeling of both sensations at the same time, rapidly accelerating the proximity of my high. 

“Tell me you lied to me.” He repeats in a mumble beneath my ear. “Tell me there’s no one else. I need to hear it.”

My mind swirls between his words and the pleasure he’s giving me. It’s like some twisted tactic, that if he gets me so overwhelmed, I’d be forced to tell the truth - and it’s working. 

“I-“ I begin, going to ask how he ‘knows’ but I know I’m a terrible liar, especially to him. My peak rushes to where his fingertips meet my bundle of nerves and all I can think about is him. “I lied, Nick, I lied.” My fingernails dig into his back, and I squeeze my eyes shut, letting an ache wash through my chest.

I feel him smile against my skin and his speed picks up, ramming into my sweet spot over and over while working figure-8’s into my clit. 

“There’s only you.” I add, because I have nothing left to lose with the truth being out. “There’s only ever been you.”

He groans at the words and the way my walls involuntarily pulse around him. “Fuck.“ He grunts against my neck, his thrusts becoming erratic. “Fuck, I’m close. Cum with me?” 

I nod quickly as I’m on the precipice of my own high as well and ready to reach it with him. 

His thumb speeds up with the rolls of his hips pushing me over the edge. “Fuck I’m gonna, fuck,” Buzzing euphoria washes over me and blinds my vision as the coil in my belly snaps. It spreads burning heat across my body and only intensifies when I feel his cock twitch, spilling his hot release into the deepest part of me.

Our chests rise and fall quickly in time with each other and his breath brushes past my shoulder in short bursts. It feels so good to be so full of him.

Unexpectedly, he pulls back only to hold my face and pull me in for another kiss. This time, it’s sweet and soft and full of an emotion we haven’t spoken. Our tongues dance together but it’s slow and tender, the sort of kiss that bonds you and makes you feel safe. 

Once he detaches from me, his forehead presses into mine once more, meeting my eyes with his silver ones, this time having a faint blue hue. His thumbs brush along my cheekbones and his eyes dart across my face, “I don’t want to stop doing this, Vallie.” He whispers and it twists a knife in my chest.

I don’t want to stop either, I want to say. 

I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer. “Nick, we-”

“I know.” He says sadly, but with a slightly hopeful pitch. “The guys are coming around, nobody has to know but us five. I can wait, Val.” His voice pleads. “I can wait, I can wait until you’re ready, until we can. There’s something here, I know you feel it too, I can feel it. I just can’t do this anymore, it’s torture being around you.” His words accelerate as he speaks. “It takes everything in me not to touch you. I can’t be around you, let alone live with you and pretend that I don’t love you.” His eyes widen a bit at what he just blurted out. 

My own eyes round wide at him and my heart feels so full it could pop. “You… what?”

He closes his eyes, “I know that I shouldn’t.” His voice strained before meeting my gaze again. “But I do.” 

I blink up at him as he confirms the same words that have been swirling on the tip of my tongue. My hands slide down to hold his face. “I love you too, Nicholas.” I whisper in the space between us. 

“You do?” He asks, almost surprised though I can’t tell if it’s because I said it or because I mean it, maybe both.

“Yes. I love you, I love you,” My hands pull him closer as I repeat the words like a prayer; now that I’ve said them, I can’t stop. “I love you, I love you,” Before I can get to the fifth ‘I love you’ he wraps my legs around his hips and lifts me off the counter with him still inside me. He carries me into the living room and before I can question anything, we reach his intended destination. 

He lays me down on the couch - the same couch we got high on and ate Jolly Ranchers and ice cream. The couch where we first experienced each other’s bodies. It's not the couch where our love began but it is where it bloomed. 

Our lips rejoin immediately, getting swept up in our newly confessed love. I felt him hardening inside me again before we even left the kitchen. My arms wrap around his neck and my legs close in around his hips, trying to get him as close as possible.  

His hips begin to rut into me, gliding easily with his previous release still inside. It begins tender and slow but as with anything with Nick, it heats up quickly. He uses one hand to hook behind my knee pulling my hips up and closer to him and I let out a gasp at the new, deeper angle. His lips find my neck again, placing needy but tender open mouth kisses there. “I need you to feel how much I love you.”

My nails dig into his back at his words, “Fuck.” I moan out as his tip hits my g-spot directly in rapid succession with no reprieve. “Fuck, I love you.” 

“I love you too.” He says softly against my neck, pressing a gentle kiss there. “God, you feel fucking amazing.” It was like once we gave in and admitted to our feelings, it amplified the sex tenfold.

My head feels like it’s spinning when I nod in agreeance, desperately, “You fill me up so good, baby.” I let the name slip in the cloud of pleasure.

“Fuck, call me that again.” He nearly growls and lands one hard thrust flush against my hips.

It made my heart swell, thankful that he liked it, then had my walls pulsing around him in the realization that he really liked it.

“I love your fucking cock, baby.” I repeat the petname.

“Yeah?” He smirks, against my skin, “You like the way I stretch you out, angel?”

I flutter my eyes closed, feeling so complete in our surrender to one another, like this was how we were meant to be with each other from the beginning. It’s overwhelming how all of our suppressed words and feelings were all crashing into us at once. We broke open the floodgates and we were drowning in each other.

“God yes.” I dig my nails deeper into his flesh, feeling the daunting size of him trying to split me in two.

“Fuck, you take me so fucking good.” He mumbles in a low voice, and I feel myself clench as much as I can around his girth like I need to keep him there forever. He groans at the feeling, “Oh, you’re gonna make me cum if you keep that up.” His hand frantically finds my clit again, beginning tight circles into it.

My breath hitches in my throat and my eyes widen, that being the only thing I needed to send me into my second orgasm. He’s not far behind with hard, staggered thrusts chasing his own high.

Our climaxes arrive rapidly with the passionate expression of our love. For the second time that day, we hit our peaks together in unison, letting the confessions of our love fill the room. 

He practically falls and melts into me as our chests heave in time with each other. After a bit his eyes look down at me, still hazy with lust, now mixed with love. “It’s not enough.” He says hastily.

My brows furrow at his words, lifting myself up to my elbows as he slowly makes his way down my body. “What do you mean?”

He lands at my hips, spreading my legs apart. “I said that I need you to feel how much I love you. Fucking you with my cock isn’t enough.”

Before I can protest or inquire, his head is dipped between my thighs and his tongue is latched to my already-overstimulated clit.

“Oh, no, no, no.” My hand flies into his hair as I shake my head quickly. “No, Nick, I can’t – oh – not again,” I hiss at his blatant disregard and try to squirm away. “Fuck – It’s too much.”

He groans against me and his hand grip onto my hips stiffly, keeping me locked in place. “Stay fucking still.” He growls the demand without pulling his mouth away, every word sending a vibration through my body.

Every move of his tongue is intentional in a specific pattern, if I didn’t know better, I’d wonder if he was actually spelling out ‘I love you’. Regardless of that being factual or not, it doesn’t matter because it feels like he was writing loveletters with his tongue.

Every flick and swirl, sends a jolt through my entire being. My movements beneath his mouth can only be described as thrashing as my center is flooded with stimulation it wasn’t ready to receive again. It’s heavenly but almost painful at the same time. “Slower, please.” I beg but it’s futile; once Nick’s determined on something, its hard to convince him otherwise.

I tug at the roots of his hair and wriggle as much as I can with him keeping me in place. I’d felt my high creeping up, but I didn’t expect it to crash into me out of nowhere. It hits me all at once, my hips buck into him and my grip on his hair must be painful, but he doesn’t falter, not for a second. Silent screams ghost my throat as pleasure rips through me, violently. His tongue continues to roll at the perfect speed in all the right patterns, dragging out my high into the longest one I’ve ever had.

He finally tapers off of me and looks up at me through my parted legs. “I could do that all fucking day.”

I deflate into the cushions with a sigh, my ears still ringing from the overwhelming pleasure that just possessed my entire being. He kisses up my body, reaching up and planting a chaste kiss to the side of my mouth. “Was that too much?” He questions in a whisper.

I shake my head lazily, out of breath. “Perfect.” Is all I can get out.

The edge of his lips curl into a smirk. “I knew it would be.” And places a prideful kiss to my shoulder.

Once cleaned up, we laid on the couch together with me cuddled into his side and my head on his chest. The silence around us is both comforting and nerve wracking. The air is thick with fragility, like if one of us moves or speaks our bubble will burst. 

As we lie there, the quiet moments stretch out, and I can feel his heartbeat steady under my ear. It’s a rhythm that grounds me, making everything else fade away. His fingers trace gentle patterns on my arm, and I close my eyes, savoring the warmth of his touch. There’s a comforting sense of relief in surrendering completely to each other, finally. I’m not sure what this all means for us, but it feels good to finally admit it outloud. 

We stay like that for the rest of the night, enveloped in a bubble of shared intimacy. The outside world, with all its complications and uncertainties, feels distant and unimportant. Right now, we are just two people who have found comfort in each other’s arms. The complex reality and fragile hope for what might come next hangs in the air, but for now, they don’t need to be addressed. The uncertainty still lingers, but it’s softened by the honesty we’ve shared today. Tomorrow will bring its own set of challenges and questions, but in this moment, I allow myself to simply be with him, wholly. All that matters is the gentle rise and fall of his chest and the soft whisper of our breaths mingling in the quiet room. It’s enough to simply be together, a luxury we’ve denied ourselves of for so long—to find solace in the closeness and love that has always been there, begging to be acknowledged from the beginning.

Taglist; @ladyveronikawrites @persuasivus @kingdomof-omens @strawberryruffilo @the-hell-i-overcame @cncohshit @dominuslunae @thebadchic @to-be-written @myownthoughts12 @measuredingold [comment if you'd like to be tagged?]

A/N; The love for this story is something I never expected and I am truly grateful for it. Sorry that this took so long or if it's not up to par. I would love to hear your thoughts and predictions 👀 Thank you SO much for reading 💗

[kaliforniahigh]

I think sex w Ruffilo would be fun and giggly. He’d slide in and you’d yelp, “So big!” Bc he’s stretching you so good. He’d chuckle a little bit, thinking it’s so cute. He’d make sure you’re okay, give you some kisses, then start going to town.

And I think he’d be so amazed everytime; how tight you are, the way your tits bounce in his face, all the things you’d say. He’s just looking at you with stars in his eyes the entire time. You’d moan out his name, and his eyes would roll back in his head. “Ohhh darling…” he’d groan with a big delirious smile.

He can be such a loverboy when he wants. He swears he falls more in love with you everytime you let him fuck you.

He thinks the noises you make and the things you say are the hottest and most adorable things at the same time. And when you say his name in that breathless whimper of yours? He could die right there and be a happy man for eternity.

[bcd4rkside]

A Night In With Nicholas

⚠️ Fluff, Mentions of feeling stressed

Rain pattered against the now closed front door as you set your umbrella down in the corner. You had been on your way home from work as the rain began beating down on the pavement harshly. You cursed to yourself quietly, the frustration of the day already souring your mood.

Fumbling around for your key and getting the door unlocked took entirely too long, the entire process being hindered by the fact you only had one hand. Eventually you managed to get the door open, shaking the rain droplets from your umbrella before staggering into the house. You immediately dropped your umbrella in the corner and began shrugging off your jacket. Only when your shoes were off did you take a moment to just stand, taking the time to soak in the cosy warmth of the house and the scent of freshly cooked food filling your nose.

You were about to call out when Nicholas poked his head through the kitchen door, smiling brightly as soon as he saw you. You shuffled into the kitchen, a small smile gracing your lips at the sight of him. His hair was pulled back into a messy bun and the apron he wore was smattered with a red sauce.

“Hey, how was work today?” he asked as he rummaged around in the fridge. You groaned at the question, your head falling into your hands at the reminder of how your day had gone.

“Horrible. It seems like everyone forgot how to speak to staff working in retail nicely today.” you muttered glancing back up as he triumphantly pulled a packet of cheese from the fridge. You smiled softly as you watched him sprinkle the cheese on top of what he’d made.

“Well I hope that this could be the start of a good evening at least.” he said as he placed a steaming bowl of pasta in front of you, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head as he did so.

You immediately dug in, the rich tomatoey sauce coating your tastebuds. You always insisted on cooking because you loved it yet in moments like this, you remembered just how much you also loved Nicholas’s cooking. He smiled as he sat down, placing his own bowl in front of him.

“The pasta is ok then I take it?” he chuckled, his smile only widening in amusement as you nodded eagerly causing some sauce to flick up onto your nose. He leaned over, gently brushing your nose with his thumb making your heart flutter at how gentle he was. He was always so careful with you but it never made you feel like you were breakable. It instead made you feel cherished and cared for in a way you had never before him.

The rest of dinner was eaten in a comfortable silence, both of you content with just listening to the sound of rain smacking against the window. Only the sound of Nicholas’ chair scraping against the floor as he stood broke the calm. You watched as he gathered up the dishes and moved the pans towards the sink.

“Let me do that!” you protested, frowning when he shooed you away. You opened your mouth to protest, the words dying on your tongue as you saw Nicholas’ stubborn expression. Reluctantly you sat back down, watching with a frown. Nicholas let out a small chuckle when he saw your pouty expression.

“It's ok, I’ll clean up. You’ve had a long enough day and I want to make sure that you get the relaxation time that you deserve” he said, poking you gently on the nose. You giggled as you tried to blow the bubbles off your nose before eventually giving in and wiping them off with your sleeve.

“Go sit on the couch for a minute, I'll be right back," he said, tucking your hair behind your ear before running his fingers over your cheek tenderly. You pressed a soft kiss to the base of his thumb before wandering off to go sit for a moment. As you sat there waiting, it dawned on you just how tired you were as you fought to keep your eyes from closing. Finally, you were jolted from your sleepy haze by soft footsteps and a warm hand on your shoulder. You cracked your eyes open to see Nicholas looking down at you fondly.

“Come on I’ve run you a bath” he whispered as he carefully pulled you to your feet. You followed him up the stairs into the bathroom, fingers linked together. The bathroom was filled with the scent of your favourite bubble bath and you noticed your favourite pair of pyjamas hung over the towel rack. You turned around, tears filling your eyes standing on your tiptoes to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Thank you. It’s perfect.” you whispered, your heart soaring as Nicholas’ entire face lit up with joy. The fact that he’d planned all of this without knowing you’d had a bad day only made you fall for him even more.

You slowly began removing your clothes, shivering as the cool air nipped at your now exposed skin. Stepping into the bathtub, you let out a content sigh. The water wasn't hot enough to burn you but plenty warm enough to start relaxing the muscles in your body. You glanced at Nicholas, expecting to see him getting ready to join you. Instead you saw him sitting next to the tub on a cushion, your favourite book in his hand. He gave you a sheepish smile before flipping to the first page.

You sat back, letting the words wash over you as you felt the strain of the day finally melt away. The low murmur of Nicholas’ voice continued to soothe you, as he read the familiar words aloud. You barely registered your eyes slipping closed once again until a gentle hand began petting your head softly.

“Wake up sweetheart, let's get you to bed.” you heard him whisper as you felt yourself being lifted into a sitting position. You gripped his hands tightly as you stepped out of the tub. A warm, fluffy towel was draped around you almost instantly, shielding you from the cool air of the bathroom. You let out a small noise of surprise as you felt the towel begin to rub against your skin.

“Nick, I can-” you began before being shushed softly. Nicholas looked up at you from where he had knelt down to dry your legs.

“Remember I’m taking care of you tonight? You don’t need to lift a finger just…I want to do this.” he said, his focus turning back to running the towel gently over your skin making sure to catch each droplet of water that clung to you. You watched him work, your heart melting at how determined he was to make sure that you had the calmest evening possible. Once he was satisfied that you were dry enough, he handed you the pyjamas to slip into. Nicholas pressed a soft kiss to the tip of your nose before letting the water drain out of the bathtub.

The faint sound of water draining filled the silence as the pair of you made your way to your bedroom. You let out a dramatic sigh as you flopped down on the bed, watching as Nicholas shimmied out of his day clothes into the pale pink pyjamas you’d bought for him as a joke gift for his birthday. He laughed as you wriggled around a bit before finally managing to get yourself under the covers, finally sliding in next to you once you had settled. He pulled you close to him, his arms wrapping firmly around you as you laid your head on his chest. You both laid there in a comfortable silence, the feeling of Nicholas’ fingers running through your hair slowly lulling you to sleep.

“Hey Nick?” you whispered, as your eyes closed. You heard a soft hum of acknowledgement as you felt yourself being dragged away by sleep.

“Tomorrow I’m going to spend the day taking care of you.”

[neverknoah]

Nicholas has a thing for seeing you in dainty, traditionally feminine clothes, especially sun dresses. With the days warming up, he's excited that you'll start wearing cute little sundresses again.

He loves the way they flare out around your waist, and the skirt bellows in the wind when the two of you are out walking around town. He thinks you look absolutely ethereal. Like an angel sent straight from heaven. He doesn't know how he got so lucky.

He also loves how his dark tattoos pop off your pastel and light-colored dresses. When his arms are wrapped around your waist from behind, chin resting on your shoulder, as the two of you wait in line for coffee, he's admiring how the tattoos adorning his hands and arms contrast against your dress.