#nick folio angst

[iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning]

Fic Recs

Please note all fics listed are RPF, and most of them are 18+ so do not interact if you are a minor.

I’ve seen some people making fic recs and wanted to make my own and wanted to share all of my favorites because they’re all truly stunning. I’m also obviously going to continue adding to them as more works are put out so this will be ongoing.

And just forewarning you, I read an unreasonable amount of smut so these recs are probably at least 70% smut related (fear not though, I put a warning key on each page so you can see what’s what).

Noah Sebastian Part 2

Nick Folio

Nicholas Ruffilo

Jolly Karlsson

Matt Dierkes

Misc.

[enemiestolovershoe]

I really really need a very fucking angsty one shot with Folio and bsf!reader. Like one in which reader nearly gets attacked and nearly died and at the end just really sweet fluff where Folio confesses to reader? :)

Through Fear and Love

Summary: The request explains it pretty well

Words: 4.1k

Warnings: Brutal Attack, Bloodloss, mention of death, crying, sobbing and breakdown, mentions of a knife

Disclaimer: While the characters in this story are inspired by real people, the events and interactions are purely fictional and not reflective of reality.

A/N: Apologies in advance if any of the medical details or information aren’t entirely accurate!

The air buzzed with a unique energy. Bad Omens was wrapping up their tour with a final show, right here in the city where it all started. For Nick, this was more than just another gig—it was a homecoming. And for you, it was a chance to see your best friend shine on stage. It was one of your favourite things to do in this world.

Nick had offered to pick you up. "Seriously, just let me swing by," he’d said earlier that day, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "It's not a big deal."

But you’d waved him off with a laugh.

"It’s a 30-minute walk, Folio. I love the fresh air. I’ll be fine."

He didn’t seem convinced but eventually relented, telling you to text him the moment you got close.

Now, halfway into your walk, regret sat heavy in your chest. The main roads had melted into quieter streets, and before long, you found yourself on the woodsy path you always tried to avoid. You hated this stretch—it was unnervingly silent, the tall trees casting jagged shadows that danced under the dim streetlights.

The sound of your own footsteps seemed deafening, and you quickened your pace, clutching your bag tightly to your side.

"Just keep going," you muttered under your breath. "It's just trees. Nothing's gonna happen."

But the chill running down your spine whispered otherwise.

Then, it happened.

A hand clamped over your mouth, and you were shoved hard against a tree. Panic exploded in your chest as you struggled against the grip of the man who had you pinned.

"Don’t even think about screaming," he growled in your ear, his breath hot and menacing. "You scream, and you die."

Tears blurred your vision as you nodded, your body trembling. Another man stepped into view, his face obscured by a black mask. In his hand, a knife gleamed under the faint light.

"Aw, no need for tears, darling," the masked man cooed mockingly. He raised the knife to your throat, the blade pressing just enough to make your skin prickle. "Now, why don’t we see what goodies you’ve got in that pretty little bag?"

“No,” you mumbled, your voice muffled by the hand over your mouth. Your fingers gripped the strap of your bag tighter. It wasn’t just any bag—it was your bag. The one Nick had given you for your birthday, the one you’d coveted for so long but could never afford. It meant everything to you, and the thought of losing it fueled a stubbornness you hadn’t realized you had.

The man holding you snarled and drove a fist into your abdomen. Pain exploded through your stomach, and you let out a muffled cry, doubling over slightly but refusing to let go.

“Give us the fucking bag!” he barked.

“No,” you choked out again, defiance lacing your voice.

The two attackers exchanged a glance, and in that split second, you seized your chance. Your knee shot up, catching the man pinning you squarely between the legs. He let out a guttural yell, releasing you as he stumbled backward.

You didn’t think—you ran.

Your feet pounded against the uneven ground, your breaths coming in frantic gasps. The adrenaline coursing through you drowned out everything else—until it didn’t.

Your shoe caught on a thick root, and you went down hard, your palms scraping against the dirt. Before you could push yourself up, a searing pain ripped through your side. You gasped, looking down to see blood staining your shirt. The knife. That bastard had stabbed you.

Another sharp pain tore through your leg, and you screamed, the sound echoing through the trees.

"Now, give us the goddamn bag, and we’ll let you go," the masked man hissed, standing over you.

Your hand trembled as you clutched the bag tighter, tears streaming down your face.

“Don’t make us do worse, darling,” he sneered. “It’s just a bag.”

But it wasn’t just a bag. Not to you. Your mind flashed to Nick’s face, the way he’d grinned when he handed it to you.

“I know you’ve been eyeing this,” he’d said, his tone teasing but warm. “Don’t even think about saying it’s too much—you deserve it.”

It was more than a bag. It was a reminder of someone who cared, someone who always saw you. But now, staring up at the cold eyes behind the mask, you knew you didn’t have a choice.

With a sob, you loosened your grip and shoved the bag toward them.

“Finally,” the masked man said, snatching it up. They turned their attention to rummaging through it, their focus momentarily shifting away from you.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket. The sudden motion caught their attention, and the man with the knife glared down at you.

“Run!,” the masked man hissed. “Run before I change my mind.”

You didn’t need to be told twice. Clutching your bleeding side, you forced yourself to your feet and stumbled forward. Every step was agony, the pain in your ribs and leg nearly blinding, but you couldn’t stop. Not now.

The venue lights came into view. Your phone buzzed again, and you fumbled to pull it out, seeing three missed calls from Nick.

Not now, you thought. He couldn’t see you like this.

You dialed Matt instead.

He picked up after a few rings, his voice casual. “Hey, Y/N, what’s up? Where are you?”

You tried to steady your voice, swallowing the rising panic. “Almost there. Can you open the back door for me, please?”

Matt hesitated. “You okay? You sound... off.”

Across the room, Nick looked up from his drum kit, frowning as Matt held up his phone. The name on the screen made his stomach drop. Matt shrugged. “Y/N. Wants me to open the back door.”

Nick’s frown deepened. “Why’s she calling you and not me?”

“Good question.” Matt raised an eyebrow but spoke back into the phone. “Yeah, sure, I’ll be right there.”

You hung up, leaning heavily against the cold metal door, your vision starting to blur. The pain was relentless now, and your legs felt like they might give out any second.

“Something’s not right,” Nick said, already on his feet.

“Relax, dude,” Matt said, heading for the door. “She’s probably just running late.”

Nick wasn’t convinced. He followed Matt to the back, his gut churning with unease.

The moment they opened the door, both men froze.

Nick’s breath caught in his throat, his eyes widening in horror as he took in the sight before him.

You were slumped against the doorframe, blood staining your clothes, your face pale and tear-streaked.

“Y/N!” Nick’s voice cracked as he lunged forward. Folio caught you just as your legs buckled, pulling your limp form against his chest. The sheer weight of your body startled him—you felt too light, too fragile. Blood smeared his hands as they wrapped around your waist, and his heart raced like never before.

“Y/N, hey, stay with me,” he pleaded, voice trembling as he gently lowered you to the ground. He pressed his hand against the wound on your side, desperately trying to slow the bleeding.

You tried to smile at him through the haze of pain and exhaustion. “Nicky...”

“Hey, hey, shhh,” he murmured, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. His hand trembled as he touched you. “You’re okay, Y/N. I’ve got you.”

You chuckled weakly, the sound thin and pained. “No, I’m not.”

He forced a shaky smile, though his voice cracked as he said, “We’re gonna fix you up. I promise.”

Behind him, Matt stood frozen, staring at the blood pooling beneath you. His phone dangled loosely in his hand, his mind unable to process the scene before him.

“Matt!” Folio’s voice cracked with panic as he turned his head sharply toward his friend. “Call the fucking ambulance!”

Matt jolted as if slapped, fumbling with his phone before hastily dialing 911. His hands shook as he brought it to his ear.

“911, what’s your emergency?” the operator’s voice came through, calm and detached.

“Uh—uh, yeah, hi, I—uh, my friend—she’s been stabbed,” Matt stammered, his voice rising with each word. “She’s bleeding a lot—like a lot. We’re at the venue—uh, the back entrance. Just—please send someone fast!”

“Sir, I need you to stay calm,” the operator replied. “Can you tell me her condition? Is she conscious?”

“She’s—she’s awake, but barely. There’s blood everywhere. I don’t know how bad—just, please, hurry!” Matt’s voice cracked, panic overtaking him.

“An ambulance is on the way. Stay with her and apply pressure to the wounds. Do not let her lose consciousness.”

“Okay, yeah, yeah—thank you,” Matt breathed, ending the call. He turned back to Folio, who was still cradling you. “Paramedics are coming.”

“What happened, Y/N?” Matt asked, his voice shaking as he crouched beside you.

Your voice was barely a whisper. “Someone...wanted the bag Nicky gave me,” you murmured, your lips trembling.

Folio’s heart clenched as he looked at you. His jaw tightened, and his eyes met Matt’s, both of them sharing a look of fear and helplessness.

“I’m getting you inside,” Folio said suddenly, his voice firm despite the panic coursing through him. “You’re freezing.”

He slipped his arms under you, carefully lifting you off the ground. The moment he did, you let out a scream, the pain ripping through you like fire.

“I know, I know it hurts,” Folio said, his voice cracking as tears blurred his vision. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. Just hold on.”

You could feel his hands trembling as he carried you toward the greenroom, your blood dripping onto the floor and leaving a macabre red trail behind. The chill of the venue’s air hit you, making you shiver uncontrollably.

When Folio pushed open the greenroom door, the rest of the band froze.

“What the fuck?!” Noah was the first to speak, his eyes wide as they darted between you and the blood covering Folio’s arms.

Jolly stood abruptly, his face pale. “What happened?”

Nicholas remained silent, his mouth slightly agape, unsure of what to do or say.

“Someone attacked her,” Folio said, his voice tight with barely suppressed panic. “We need something to press on the wounds—now.”

Nicholas snapped out of his daze and immediately rushed to the shared bathroom. He returned moments later with a first aid kit and a handful of clean towels.

Folio gently set you down on the couch, his hands still pressed against your side. He shoved your shirt up to get a better look at the wound and cursed under his breath. “Fucking hell.”

Nicholas handed him a towel, his hands shaking. “Here.”

“Thanks, Ruff,” Folio muttered before turning back to you. “This is gonna hurt like a bitch, okay?”

You nodded weakly, staring up at the ceiling as tears slipped down your cheeks.

Folio pressed the towel against your side, and you screamed, the sound ripping through the room.

“I know, I know,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “I’m so fucking sorry, baby.”

Noah grabbed another towel and knelt by your leg. “I’m wrapping this, okay? Sorry, Y/N.”

The moment the towel tightened around your leg, another scream tore from your throat. Noah flinched, guilt flashing across his face. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“Where the fuck are the paramedics?” Folio muttered, his voice rising as he glanced toward the door.

You blinked slowly, your vision starting to blur. “I’m so tired,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

“No,” Folio said sharply, his eyes wide with panic. “Don’t you dare close your eyes, Y/N. You hear me? You’re fine. You need to stay awake.”

Jolly nudged Folio’s side, pointing to the pool of blood forming beneath the couch. “Dude...”

“Fucking shit,” Folio muttered, tears spilling down his cheeks.

Your eyelids grew heavier, and despite Folio’s desperate pleas, they fluttered shut.

Nicholas was the first to notice. “Y/N!” he shouted, shaking you gently.

Folio’s heart shattered as he saw your head loll to the side. “No, no, no. Wake up, Y/N! Please!” His voice broke as he sobbed, clutching you tightly. “Please wake up, baby!”

In that moment, Matt burst into the room, paramedics hot on his heels. The paramedics froze for half a second when they stepped into the room, their professional instincts immediately kicking in as they took in the blood-soaked couch and your pale, trembling body.

“Let’s move!” one of them barked, dropping to their knees beside you. The first paramedic, a woman with sharp, focused eyes, placed a gloved hand against your neck. “Weak pulse, but it’s there. She’s hypovolemic—likely severe blood loss. Let’s get a pressure bandage on this now!”

The second paramedic, a man with a calm but hurried demeanor, unzipped his trauma kit and handed her a bandage roll while pulling out an IV kit. “We need fluids stat. Starting an 18-gauge line.”

Folio was still cradling you as they worked, his tears dripping onto your already bloodied shirt.

“Sir, we need you to step back,” the female paramedic said firmly.

“I—please, I can’t—” Folio stammered, holding you tighter.

“Nicky...” Your voice was barely a whisper, your eyelids fluttering shut again.

“Hey, hey, baby,” Folio choked out, gently brushing his hand over your cheek. “I’m here, okay? I’m right here.”

The male paramedic placed a firm hand on Folio’s shoulder. “We understand, but if you don’t let us work, she won’t make it. Step back, sir.”

Matt gently pulled Folio away, his grip steady despite the panic in his eyes. “Nick, let them help her. Come on.”

Reluctantly, Folio let go, his hands covered in your blood as the paramedics swiftly took over. The female paramedic pressed a gauze-covered pad against the wound on your side, applying firm pressure.

“She’s losing too much,” she muttered, reaching for the bandage roll to secure the gauze. “Let’s get her on the stretcher. On my count—three, two, one—lift!”

You let out a small cry of pain as they moved you, and Folio flinched, his hands clenching into fists.

“She’s responsive but hypoxic. Blood pressure’s crashing,” the male paramedic said as he taped the IV line in place and hung a saline bag.

“Get her in the rig now,” the woman ordered. They wheeled you out of the room and into the waiting ambulance.

Folio moved to follow, but the female paramedic blocked his path. “I’m sorry, sir. You can’t ride with us. Meet us at the hospital.”

“But—”

“No exceptions. We need the space to work.”

Before Folio could protest further, they shut the ambulance doors, the sirens wailing as they sped away.

Folio stood frozen for a moment, his chest heaving as sobs wracked his body. Matt stepped up beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“Dude, she’ll be fine, okay? You need to calm down a little.” Matt’s voice was steady but strained. “We’ll postpone tonight’s show until we know she’s alright. Come on, get in the car.”

The drive to the hospital was suffocatingly tense. Folio sat in the passenger seat, staring blankly out the window, tears streaming silently down his face. Matt gripped the wheel tightly, his knuckles white. Noah, Jolly, and Nicholas sat in the back, their usual chatter replaced by heavy silence.

When they reached the hospital, all five of them burst through the doors, their panicked voices overlapping as they demanded information about you.

“Y/N Y/L/N—she was just brought in,” Folio said breathlessly, leaning against the counter.

A nurse approached her expression professional but kind. “She’s in surgery. There was significant blood loss, and her heart stopped briefly on arrival. We had to perform CPR, but we were able to resuscitate her. She’s stable for now, but we won’t know more until she’s out of surgery.”

Folio’s legs nearly gave out, and Matt grabbed his arm to steady him.

“She’s in the best hands,” the nurse reassured them before walking away.

The hours that followed felt endless. The five of them sat in the waiting area, taking turns trying to comfort Folio, whose bloodshot eyes remained fixed on the door leading to the operating rooms.

When it was Matt’s turn, he leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “Nick, I know this isn’t the best time, but when she wakes up, you need to tell her how you feel.”

Folio’s head snapped up, his voice cracking as he replied, “IF she wakes up.”

“She will, dude,” Noah said firmly from across the room. “She’s strong. She’s a fighter.”

Folio buried his face in his hands, his shoulders trembling.

An hour later, the door finally opened, and a doctor approached. The man’s expression was tired but relieved.

“Miss Y/L/N lost a significant amount of blood, and there was major damage to an artery. However, we were able to repair it and stabilize her. She’s going to be okay.”

“She’s alive?” Folio asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“She is,” the doctor confirmed with a small smile. “She asked about you as soon as she woke up.”

Folio surged forward, grabbing the doctor in a tight, tearful hug. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

The doctor patted his back awkwardly. “It’s my job. Now come on—she could use some company.”

The five of them followed the doctor to your room, their hearts pounding with a mix of relief and anxiety.

When they stepped inside and saw you lying in the hospital bed, pale but alive, Folio broke down again. Tears streamed down his face as he covered his mouth with his hand, trying to stifle his sobs.

“Dude,” Matt said, smacking the back of Folio’s head lightly. “Stop crying already—she’s alive. Now go and hug her.”

“Yeah, you heard him, Nicky,” you said weakly, a small, teasing smile playing on your lips. “Hug me.”

Folio crossed the room in an instant, gently wrapping his arms around you. His tears soaked into your hospital gown as he sobbed against your shoulder.

“I—I thought we lost you,” he choked out.

“Hey, Nicky,” you murmured, your voice soft but steady. “It’s okay. I’m fine now. Breathe for me.”

He pulled back slightly, his hands still resting on your arms. “Fuck—never do that again, please.”

“Not planning on it,” you said with a faint laugh, your smile easing some of the tension in the room.

The other boys circled around your bed, their relieved smiles lighting up the otherwise sterile room. Folio took your hand in his, gripping it tightly as if afraid to let go.

The hospital room was quiet now, save for the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor and the soft hum of fluorescent lights. An hour had passed since the guys had gathered around your bed, their relief palpable as they crowded you with jokes and teasing to lighten the mood. Now, as the initial shock began to wear off, exhaustion set in, the earlier panic etched into everyone’s faces like a fading bruise.

You glanced at Folio, who sat closest to your bed. His posture was tense, his shoulders hunched forward, and his hands clasped tightly in front of him. The others had spread out a little, quietly decompressing from the day’s events.

“So,” you started softly, your voice still hoarse. “What happened to tonight’s show?”

Matt, who had been scrolling through his phone, perked up at the question. “Postponed,” he said, matter-of-factly. “I called the venue as soon as we got here. Told them there was a medical emergency. The fans aren’t thrilled, but they’ll live.”

Your brows furrowed. “Matt, you didn’t have to—”

“Don’t even start,” Matt interrupted, giving you a pointed look. “You think the guys were going to just go on stage after everything that happened? No way.”

“He’s right,” Noah chimed in from where he was leaning against the wall. “It wouldn’t have felt right. Besides, we’d all just be worrying about you the whole time.”

“Exactly,” Jolly added, his arms crossed. “The fans will understand. And if they don’t, screw them.”

You couldn’t help but smile at their collective protectiveness. “I’m sorry,” you murmured, guilt creeping into your voice. “I didn’t mean to mess everything up.”

“Y/N,” Folio said, his voice low but firm, drawing your attention. He finally lifted his gaze to meet yours, his brown eyes filled with a mixture of frustration and tenderness. “Don’t ever apologize for this. None of this is your fault.”

Nicholas nodded in agreement. “You almost died, Y/N. The show doesn’t matter. You do.”

The sincerity in his voice brought tears to your eyes. You blinked them away quickly, not wanting to get emotional again. “Thanks, guys. Really.”

The room fell into a comfortable silence after that, the weight of the day settling over everyone like a heavy blanket. One by one, the guys began to stir, the fatigue catching up to them.

“Alright,” Matt said finally, standing up and stretching. “I think it’s time we give you two some space.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You’re just leaving me with him?” you teased, nodding toward Folio.

“Hey!” Folio protested, but there was a hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

Matt chuckled. “Yeah, I think you’ll survive. Just don’t let him get too sappy.”

One by one, the others said their goodbyes. Noah leaned down to kiss your forehead, Jolly gave you a quick hug, and Nicholas squeezed your hand gently before following the others out.

As the door clicked shut behind them, the room felt quieter, the absence of the others amplifying the sound of the heart monitor and the faint murmur of voices in the hallway. You shifted your attention to Folio, who was still sitting in the chair beside your bed, unusually quiet.

“What’s up, Nicky?” you asked softly, studying his tense posture. “You’re awfully quiet.”

Folio stiffened at your words, his hands tightening into fists. He took a deep breath, his gaze fixed on the floor. “I was so fucking scared, Y/N,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

You tilted your head, confused by the raw emotion in his voice. “But I’m okay,” you said gently, trying to reassure him. “I’m here.”

“That’s not the point,” he said, his voice cracking. He finally looked up, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “When I saw you lying there, bleeding, I... I realized something.”

Your heart skipped a beat. “Realized what?”

Folio hesitated, his hands trembling slightly as he reached out to take yours. His fingers intertwined with yours, his touch warm and steady despite his obvious nerves.

“I’ve been such a coward,” he admitted, his voice thick with emotion. “I’ve been holding back, pretending that what I feel for you is just... friendship. But it’s not. It’s so much more than that.”

Your breath caught in your throat as his words sank in.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said, his voice trembling but sure. “Not just as a friend. I love you in every way you can love someone. And today... today, I thought I’d lost you before I ever told you.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, spilling over as you smiled softly. “Nicky...”

“I don’t expect anything from you,” he continued, his voice desperate. “I just needed you to know. You’re everything to me. And if you don’t feel the same, that’s okay. But I—”

You cut him off, squeezing his hands tightly. “Stop.”

His eyes widened, panic flashing across his face.

“Stop, because I do feel the same,” you said, your voice trembling. “I love you too, Nicky. I always have.”

Relief washed over his face, and he let out a choked laugh, tears streaming down his cheeks. “You do?”

“I do,” you whispered, smiling through your tears.

Folio let out a breath he’d been holding, his laughter mingling with his sobs. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against yours. “You scared the hell out of me,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry,” you said, your voice soft but teasing. “I’ll try not to get stabbed next time.”

He chuckled, though it came out shaky. “Not funny.”

You reached up to cup his cheek, your thumb brushing away his tears. “I’m here, Nicky. I’m not going anywhere.”

He closed his eyes, leaning into your touch. When he opened them again, they were filled with love and determination. “Promise me you won’t scare me like that again.”

“I promise,” you said, your voice steady.

And for the first time all night, everything felt right.

Taglist: @courta13

[blairboo]

BAD DECISIONS

Noah Sebastian x Fem! Reader!

Summary: When Noah stops giving importance to his relationship, he realises the nonsense he did. What will he do to try to win you back?

Warnings : angst, crying, pain, heartbreak, Noah being an idiot

Words count : 1430

All Pure Fiction!!!!!

---

They say that the feeling of falling in love is one of the best feelings to have. I knew this when I fell in love with Noah; I felt like the butterflies in my stomach were lifting me up. What you never expect is for that feeling to change or to fade away completely. I knew Noah was busy with his new album, dedicating 99% of his time to it, and I never got upset or angry with him for that. Since he was a kid, it had always been his dream, and I wasn't going to take that away from him.

The problem started when he couldn't balance work and family anymore. I'd come home, and he’d be in his studio on a call with one of the guys, discussing the album. When I would call him to have dinner or even just to spend time with me, he always brought his laptop along, saying he was almost done and would turn it off soon. I always believed him. That never happened.

I was sitting at the kitchen counter when I heard the front door open; I knew it was Noah. There was the sound of keys, backpacks, and voices.

Wait.

Voices? Who would Noah bring home on a Wednesday at 9:00?

I recognized the voice; it was Jolly. I knew that Jolly was the one who helped him write songs the most, and that was probably why he was there. The footsteps got closer to the kitchen, and soon I saw Noah's brown eyes looking at me.

I looked at him and gave a weak smile, and he returned it, saying, “Oh hey ” as he came closer and gave me a kiss on the forehead, “Hey, my love,” I said, putting my arms around his neck. I felt someone’s gaze on my back; I knew it was Jolly.

“Hey to you too, Jolly,” I said, a playful smile on my face. “Hey, y/n, how are you?” he asked as he approached. “I’m good, and you?” I felt Noah loosen his grip on me.

We continued talking about my day and about their new album.

We had already had dinner, and Jolly had just left. Now, I was on one end of the couch, and Noah was on the other. We hadn’t had a chance to talk alone yet, but I could feel something strange between us.

His silence was killing me. It wasn’t new, though; I had felt the need to ask him what was happening between us for a while now. I didn’t have the courage, and I didn’t know if it was a lack of courage or fear of knowing the answer. My thoughts were interrupted when I felt Noah get up from the couch; he was heading to our bedroom.

“Are you going to stay there?” he asked, not looking at me, then hesitated for a second and I don’t what happened, my mouth let slip the question I had been avoiding.

“Do you want a divorce?” The words finally came out.

I felt him stop what he was doing and turn to face me; confusion was evident in his eyes.

“What?”

“You heard me.” I couldn’t look at him.

“No, I want you to look me in the eyes and ask that question again.” He seemed offended by my question.

I felt furious. How could he be mad at me? After weeks of ignoring me and pretending our marriage didn’t exist?

I looked at him, feeling angry tears burning in my eyes.

“Do you want a divorce?” I almost spelled out each word.

“Why would you ask me that? Is that what you want?” He raised his voice.

He seemed to want to read my thoughts, to know whether I wanted the divorce or if I thought he was the problem. At that moment, I did think he was the issue, but Noah knew me better than anyone.

In our three years of marriage, no one had kept my secrets the way he had, no one understood me like he did, no one cared for me as he did.

“You know that’s the last thing I would want for our relationship.”

“Then why are you asking me this?”

I thought about inventing a lie, saying that maybe we just weren’t understanding each other or that things weren’t working out. But that was a lie. In the last few weeks, I cared more about our relationship than I did for myself. I had done everything I could to try to save what was left of us. Nothing helped.

“Maybe because you are making me feel like you want this”I let my feelings get the best of me.

“I tried to make this work, Noah. I really did, and now I feel like I'm the only one ‘loving’ in this relationship.”

“That’s not true; you know I love you.” His hesitation to respond made me doubt it.

“I don’t know, Noah. In the last few weeks, all I felt was that I was alone.” Tears threatened to fall.

“I’m here, always.” He seemed to believe his own words.

That wasn’t true; he wasn’t here. His body might have been, but my Noah wasn’t.

“No! You’re not here. You know that. All you’ve done in the last few weeks is spend hours on the phone with Jolly discussing the new album.” I was tired of trying to point out his mistakes.

“Yeah? That’s my job. You know I need to do this. I have people depending on me, my record label needs me to do this; the guys need me to do this.”

“And at what point did spending hours in the studio become more important than family?” I was staring at the floor now.

He seems angry and annoyed

“I can’t do that right now, and I won’t.” He turned his back and headed toward our bedroom, and soon after, the door slammed.

I felt a burning blade in my throat; my eyes were pleading for me to let my tears fall. And that’s what I did; I released all the emotions I had bottled up in the last few weeks. I needed this.

I felt disheartened seeing that he truly didn’t care about us, even a little.

I turned off the kitchen lights and went to the guest room; I wasn’t going to sleep next to Noah, not after he simply turned his back on me, leaving my question hanging.

I lay down and didn’t feel Noah’s familiar warmth beside me; it felt strange. I closed my eyes and let the tears flow again. How long would I endure this? Feeling alone and like I was the only one in the relationship.

Lost in my thoughts, I fell asleep.

I guess it was time to maybe make a bad decision, but I decided to think about that the next day.

The next morning, I felt rays of sunshine on my face. I reached for the pillow beside me, trying to feel Noah. When I felt the cold bed, my eyes opened, and I turned towards my hand. I wasn’t in our bedroom, and Noah wasn’t with me.

I went down to the kitchen and saw a note on the counter.

“Maybe we should take the day off , separately. I’m not breaking up with you; I just think I need to figure out what I want. I’m gonna be home after 10:00. Love you forever.

Noah.

Wow, he really left. I crumpled the paper, throwing it in the trash and headed to our bedroom. The bed was made and his side of the closet was open. A mess into the closet.

I looked at our photo on the dresser. I took it down. Maybe this was the end for us.

I felt determined not to wait for Noah to decide what he wanted to do with his life. I needed to make my own life.

I grabbed a suitcase from our closet and started throwing my clothes inside, packing everything I needed. I looked at the photo I had put down, thinking about putting it in the suitcase. But no. I needed to move on. With Noah or without Noah.

After I packed everything I needed, I headed to my car, putting my suitcase in. I looked at the house that once brought us so much happiness , and I felt sad. Knowing that maybe our marriage had ended this way.

It’s okay. You’ll be alright. I told myself, trying to convince myself that I would be okay.

Noah made his bad decision, and now he would have to live with it. But it wouldn’t affect my choice.

Be careful with your bad decisions.

---

Heyyyy, just an idea that come into my mind and i just wrote it

Maybe a part 2????? lmk if u want :)

Thank You

Blair 👾

[kaliforniahigh]

my kink is karma - part. 2 - n.s.

This is the second part to "casual". The title is yet another Chappell Roan song :D

Warnings: Some self-deprecating talk, Folio plays a little bit of a matchmaker, they talk about their feelings, curse words and angst with a happy ending (I'm a sucker for happy endings).

WC: 3.367

It's comical, bridges you burn If karma's real, hope it's your turn

The tension in the air after yours and Noah's argument was palpable. You haven't talked to him since your argument, but it didn't take a genius to notice he wasn't behaving like himself lately.

You, on the other hand, was just waiting for this tour to be over. You've been treating this job exactly like what it is. A job. You kept a friendly relationship with everyone, but the outings to bars or restaurants were kept to a minimum.

Bryan sensed something was up when you asked him to show Noah the pictures you took, for him to select the ones he liked the most, instead of showing him yourself.

You kept in contact with Liam, contrary to what Noah insinuated, your interactions were strictly professional, since Liam had a long-term girlfriend that he mentioned to you the first time you talked. Showing you some pictures he took of her in an outdoor setting.

You could've told Noah this, but seeing him angry and out of his wits at the idea of you dating or seeing someone else was more entertaining for you. You guess you just wanted him to feel a little bit of what you felt when he took those girls to his hotel room.

Nick did tell you though that these past few weeks Noah hasn't even tried to flirt or take girls back to his room, and mentioned that he should check "if his friend was ok". You wondered if you were the only one who never realized Noah was a player.

You guess that doesn't matter now. Liam has called you a few days ago, since you've mentioned to him that tour was wrapping up soon, he wanted to ask if you would accept the invitation of touring with him and the band he worked for, and you were considering it.

You're familiar here, and meeting new people and getting used to a new setting was going to be challenging. But you also knew you couldn't keep going like this. You always took pride in having a great relationship with everyone, and now you felt like you were drifting further and further apart from them.

You knew they considered you their friends, but the truth is: they're Noah's friends. And you could and would never come between that.

It's hot when you have a meltdown In the front of your house and you're getting kicked out It's hot when you're drinking downtown And you're getting called out 'cause you're running your mouth

Nick knew he shouldn't pry, especially not when Noah was on the verge of being too drunk. But two of his best friends were fighting and he knew neither one of them were going to come out and say anything. Besides, he knew Noah lacked a filter when he was intoxicated, so this was his best chance.

Tour was wrapping up this week, so this was the last opportunity for the band and crew to go out together. After all is over, everyone ends up going their own way and it gets difficult to organize something.

Nick was waiting for the best opportunity to talk to Noah, and at some point during the night, they found themselves alone at the table.

"So, Y/N didn't wanna come out tonight", Nick started, mentioning your name right out the gate, not wanting to waste too much time. He saw Noah's shoulder tense.

"Yeah, I'm not surprised", his friend answered, taking another sip of his alcoholic beverage.

"Do you know what could've happened? She used to go out with us all the time", Nick played dumb, not wanting to give away that he could tell you two obviously had something going on.

"I don't know man, maybe she's too busy talking to Liam or whatever", so Noah was jealous, that much he could tell. Nick knew about Liam because you've mentioned him in conversation a couple of times.

"Why would she be busy talking to Liam in the middle of the night? Besides, they're on different timezones", Nick fished for more information.

"I guess she liked the attention she was receiving", Noah said and shrugged his shoulders, trying to look unbothered by the situation, but ultimately failing.

"I see", Nick pondered. Finally, he decided to put his friend out of his misery "you know he has a girlfriend, right? I think Y/N mentioned they've been together for 7 or 8 years or something", Nick said and waited for a reaction. Noah's eyes widened visibly in surprise and he looked in Nick's direction.

"No, I didn't know that", he sounded defeated, as he let the realization sink in.

"So whatever you guys have going on, if it's because Y/N has been talking to Liam, you can cut it out, because there's nothing happening there", Nick saw Noah sigh out loud and run his hands over his face. He expected him to be relieved, but he looked exasperated?

"Noah, this is everything that happened, right?", Nick was suddently worried about his reaction.

"I might have been a dick to Y/N", Noah was looking down at his drink, stirring it uselessly.

"What do you mean?", it was Nick's turn to look and sound exasperated. Maybe he bit off more than he could chew.

"Look, Y/N and hooked up a few times, and...", he began explaining, but Nick cut him off "By hooked up you mean you've kissed, or something more?", he has an inkling feeling that this was so much more.

"I mean we've had sex a few times", he paused, but continued when Nick didn't say anything "it wasn't anything serious, but I might have lost my cool when I saw her talking to Liam at that festival", he at least looked guilty saying this.

"If it wasn't anything serious then why did you lose your cool?" Nick asked the million dollar question.

"I don't know. I think I didn't like seeing her with that guy?", Noah was having a hard time explaining himself. Nick always knew his friend wasn't good with expressing his feelings. And that worried him, because there was no telling what he could've said to you.

"And what happened after that for you guys to stop talking?", Nick was getting to the bottom of this, even if he didn't like it. And it seemed like Noah needed someone to talk to anyway. He could tell the conversation sobered up the boy quite a bit.

"I kinda confronted her about it?"

"And how did you do that?", by the looks of it, he was gonna have to pry the information out of him. He felt like a parent mediating a fight between two kids.

"I wasn't the nicest, ok? I already know that and I already feel like absolute shit about it", Nick wasn't gonna ask again, so they sat in silence until Noah conjured up the courage to say what he needed to say.

"I insinuated that Liam was only interested in her in order to get her into bed. And then I proceeded to tell her that I didn't think she would be so easy". Noah said this with venon in his voice, directed at himself. Saying it out loud again only heightend the weight of his words. And this somehow made him feel even worse.

"What the fuck, Noah? Why the fuck would you say that?", Nick said with anger in his voice.

"Have you seem this Liam guy? He's probably gone to a nice college, just like her. He probably doesn't have attachment issues. He probably doesn't need therapy to talk about his feelings. I freaked out, ok? It was clear from the beggining that Y/N and I could never work. So I decided that having a little bit of her was better than having none of her". Noah could feel the tears stinging his eyes. Letting out the thoughts in his head felt a little liberating, but it didn't make him feel better about the way he treated you.

"You don't get to decide if Y/N deserves you or not. That was her decision to make. And you shouldn't have jumped to conclusions with her and Liam", Nick knew that this was obvious, but maybe the obvious still needed to be said.

"I don't think that matters now. I don't see how I could fix this. Tour is ending and I bet she'll never want to see my face again"

"And if that happens, you at least owe her an apology", Nick patted him on the back and asked Noah if he wanted another drink, he said no, so Nick left him with his own thoughts.

Oh, God And it's coming around, yeah, it's coming around Yeah, it's coming around, oh, God Oh, God

This was one of those things you couldn't get away from. Mainly because everyone has been planning this since before the tour even started. Also because it's already been paid for, and you don't like your money going to waste.

Camping was never your favorite activity. You despised insects and couldn't understand why people left their comfy beds to sleep in tents and sleeping bags. But back then, Noah promised to make you as many roasted marshmallows as you wanted, and you pretended to say yes just because of that. As if you wouldn't jump at the opportunity to spend more time with him. Now you were cursing yourself.

You were unaware of the conversation Nick had with Noah before tour ended, and how much he knew about what transpired between you two. So you thought nothing of the conversation you were having with him, as the boys grilled some burgers for dinner.

"I kind of have something to tell you", you were nervous to make this official. "Since tour ended and everything, I don't see why hide this anymore"

Nick thought you were finally opening up to him about your adventures and fall out with Noah. He would soon find out he was very mistaken as he told you to go on.

"You know how I've been talking to Liam right?", he nodded "recently he asked me if I wanted to tour with him. To have a different experience and all that", you kicked a pebble next to your feet. Nick was looking directly at you, but you didn't have the heart to look back at him. "I've been thinking about saying yes".

"You're leaving us?", this prompted you to lift your head.

"C'mon Nick, this tour was just an experiment. I don't know for sure if you guys will want me back. I need to have something lined up for me". And that was true. You were only thinking about your next steps.

"I thought it was clear we wanted you next tour as well?", Nick genuinely sounded confused and it broke your heart. You didn't know what to say anymore. "Is this about you and Noah?", he asked and you froze the second the words left his lips.

"What do you mean?", you tried to gauge how much he knew.

"I think you know what I mean. I could tell there was something different between you two. I had to find out what it was. So I kind of cornered Noah one night and he told me", you huffed in annoyance.

"What else did he tell you? That I'm easy and fall into bed with everyone that comes asking?"

"No, but he did tell me that he basically told you that", Nick said and you were honestly surprised at this. It was very difficult for Noah to admit to his mistakes. "I'm not defending him, because I already told him what he needed to hear from me. But I think you guys should talk before we leave"

"We'll see about that", you gave him a little sideways smile, trying to be noncommittal about this.

"It doesn't matter if you're with us or working for a different band. I know you'll kill it anyways. But keep in mind that we like having you close"

"Thank you, Nick", you showed him your gratitude.

"I'll see if those goofs need any help", you looked back at the boys and saw Matt threatening Jolly with the tongs, opening and closing them, as if he was trying to get his head. You laughed at this as Nick excused himself.

Dinner went by and soon you were all sitting by the fire, attempting to tell scary stories, but everyone was laughing and calling out loop hopes in each other's tales, turning the situation from scary to funny.

You were roasting some marshmallows here and there. You were never good at this, so it either came out burnt or the thing melted entirely and fell into the fire. You gave up at some point and just sat there, with the stick in your hand, poking the floor aimelessly.

Seconds later, Nick poked you on the side, handing you a stick with two marshmallows roasted perfectly on the top. You gave him a puzzled look, but he just tilted his head to Noah, who was sat beside him. He gave you a barely there smile, and nodded in acknowledgment. The marshmallows kept coming thoughout the night without you having to ask for them. He did promise you to roast you as many as you wanted after all.

Not too long after, everyone was excusing themselves to their tents. The long drive here had everyone yawning. You were not much better, so you decided to do the same.

A soon as your head hit the pillow, thoughts swam through your mind. The conversation with Nick was supposed to be simple. You were pretty much dead set on saying yes to Liam. Now you weren't so sure anymore.

You knew you needed to talk to Noah at some point. You figured that him giving you marshmallows was his way of extending you an olive branch. He was there if you ever wanted to talk. You did miss him and what you had before everything went to shit.

Huffing and deciding that as much as you wanted, sleep wouldn't find you so easily tonight, so you opened your tent to step outside. Maybe meditating or some breathing exercises would relax you enough.

Standing on your feet and stretching your limbs, you noticed Noah still sat at the wooden bench everyone was at earlier. You debated slipping inside your tent again, but he was already looking at you. There was no turning back now.

You also debated sitting somewhere else, but didn't want to make things even more akward, so you sat on the other end of the bench. A few minutes passed by before he spoke up.

"Can't sleep?", he asked.

"No, too much on my mind", you didn't know if you were ready for this, but you had to be.

"I talked to Nick the other day", he glanced at you, but you kept a neutral expression.

"Yeah, he told me about that", your hands were picking on loose strands of your sweater.

"Listen, I'm not gonna make any excuses. I owe you an apology. You don't have to accept it, but I have to tell you how sorry I am for what I said to you", he sat sideways now, looking directly at you. "So I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that. I should've delt with my anger instead of taking it out on you"

"I just don't understand why you were so angry? Why Liam and I talking led you to said that", you did have an idea, but you wanted him to tell you. Noah has been going over this conversation in his head for days. He decided that it doesn't matter the outcome, he was going to be honest with you.

"I shouldn't have invited you to my hotel room that first night. I knew this was going to end like this. I thought I could get a grip on my feelings, but I was very mistaken. I was selfish and I hurt you in the process", you tried to pretend that that first part didn't hurt you, so you decided to focus on the end of his speech. You appreciated the honesty regardless of how it made you feel.

"What feelings?"

"The feelings that I have for you. I think I've had them since Bryan introduced you to us for the first time. Thinking back on it now, how could I not have feelings for you? Not only are you a great protographer, but you're also an amazing and kind girl. And I'm just the good looking guy who sings in a band", he said, with a shrug of his shoulders. You didn't like the way he talked about himself.

"I don't think you're just a good looking guy who sings in a band, you're so much more than that and it's such a shame you don't realize it", you tried to get your point across. "I know that you didn't mean what you said back in that tour bus. Mainly because I know you, and you're not a mean person. But you really need to communicate better with the people around you"

"I know. Maybe then I would've known that Liam has a girlfriend, right?", he smiled at this.

"Exactly", you smiled back. "It hurt me a lot when you kept giving attention to other girls after we slept together. I guess I just felt like another notch on your belt", you made yourself a little smaller after admitting to this, but decided to be honest with him the same way he was being with you.

"I never slept with them. Sometimes we didn't even take the elevator up to my floor because I just told them it wasn't gonna work. It just didn't feel right and my head wasn't in the right place", this did make you feel incredibly better.

"Well then, I guess I could've communicated better myself. Maybe then I would've known this, instead of wallowing in pity", this time was your turn to smile and poke a little fun at the situation.

"I gave you the wrong idea, I'm sorry about that", there was a moment of pause before he contined "I understand if nothing can happen between us now, after all of this. But it would be great if you came back for another tour, you really do an amazing job, and I don't want my behavior to jeopardize that", you sighed at this, now was the time to tell him.

"I've had an offer from another band to go on tour with them", you looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction. His face fell and the somewhat relaxed look he kept on his face throughout your conversation, morphed into one of resignation.

"Oh, that's great. You're gonna be amazing regardless", he tried to be supportive of your decision, but his voice gave him away.

"I'm not going", his eyebrows shot up at this. "Just being here tonight, with everyone, made me realize that I'm not ready to leave this behind. Besides, I think I'll miss you too much", he gave you the biggest smile at this and you could see a little rosy tint to his cheeks.

"I would miss you terribly", he said back. You were now sat closer together, drifting towards each other during your conversation. "Tell me if this is overstepping or if I'm too soon, but I would love to take you out on a date when we get back home. I think we started this a little backwards", you could sense the hesitantion in his voice.

"I would love to go on a date with you", you offered your hand for him to take, interlacing your fingers together, reveling in the way his totally encompassed yours.

"Thank you for giving us another chance", his voice conveyed honesty, glad you didn't decide to just kick him to the curb entirely.

"You really don't give yourself enough credit. I think I would do anything you asked me if you were nice enough", and it was true. After your argument you knew you would forgive him if he had a good enough excuse. Deep down, you were hoping that woudn't be the end for you two.

You rested your head on his shoulder, you sensed a little bit of hesitation from him, until you took one of his arms and put it over your shoulders, feeling his hand mess with the ends of your hair. You felt content and finally at ease.

Thank you everyone who requested a part 2! Hope you enjoyed this :D

[xx-like-a-villian-xx]

For The Last Time | One

“It had been months since you’d seen each other, five and three days to be exact (not that he was counting or anything), months since you had broken up with him. You said it was for the best, that your careers were more important but Noah didn’t think so.”

What I thought was going to be a lil angsty one shot has become a multiple part cry fest ahhh. Here’s part one <3

I'm posting this because it's in my drafts x

My ao3 is HERE

Also let me know if you want to be tagged in any upcoming posts :)

CW: post break up, angst, Noah has lots of feelings, “talking” about feelings, loads of swearing

(Dropping this because it was burning a hole in my drafts and I just wanted to get it out there)

18+ MDNI | Noah Sebastian x Reader

“Thought I’d find you here.” Your voice reached Noah’s ears like a siren song and it was infuriating.

He turned slightly, watching you approach him in that dress, that fucking dress that hugged every single curve on your body so perfectly it made him feel crazy, feral. He had been trying his damned hardest to avoid you all night and of course you found him, cigarette between his tattooed fingers, on the balcony, moping.

“The party is wild in there.” You gestured to the balcony doors that were muffling the sound of chatter and loud music inside.

“Yeah, I just needed some quiet.” His voice was gruff when he spoke and it only made you roll your eyes.

It had been months since you’d seen each other, five and three days to be exact (not that he was counting or anything), months since you had broken up with him. You said it was for the best, that your careers were more important but Noah didn’t think so.

You see, Noah would have walked through fire, jumped in front of a bullet, he would have stolen the moon from the fucking sky if you asked him to but you didn’t feel the same and as much as it hurt to watch you walk away, he did because he loved you. Issue is, he just couldn’t get over you.

He had avoided you like the plague for months but it was getting progressively harder because you shared friends. Usually it was easy, he left when you showed up, he asked around to see if you were going to events so he could make excuses not to go. It was fine, he hated socialising at the best of times so it was no skin off his nose.

Then you showed up to the album release in that fucking dress and his heart just about dropped out of his ass. And the worst part? You had some six foot four Doberman energy gym rat on your arm. That’s when he found himself storming out to the balcony with a half drank bottle of Hennessy and a pack of cigarettes he had stolen off the kitchen island.

He didn’t dare look at you again, instead his eyes stayed trained on the twinkling lights of the city when you joined him at the railing, your warmth burning his skin like acid.

”How have you been?”

Well that was a loaded question. What was he meant to say? ‘Oh yeah, I’m fantastic, nice to see you, Y/N. Who’s the hunk?’ Nah. He would rather put his hand in a blender.

“Fine.” He wasn’t in the mood to talk to you. Instead he stubbed the cigarette out and took a long swig of the cognac, letting it burn down his throat in an attempt to quell the anger boiling in his blood.

He could feel you shift uncomfortably next to him and he had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. What did you have to feel uncomfortable about? You practically tore his heart out and curb stomped it. And to add a cherry on top of the shit icing, you decided his fucking album release party would be the best time to hard launch your new man.

Noah really, really wasn’t in the mood and he was practically begging the gods to make you just go inside and forget about it, enjoy your night and have fun but instead you reached out, took the bottle from his hands and took a huge swig.

Fuck.

“Shouldn’t you be with your date, Mick is it?” He finally grits through a clenched jaw.

You chuckle lightly. “It’s Mike, and he’s talking to Folio about fishing.”

Betrayer, of course he would be. Trust Folio to be rubbing shoulders with the enemy over fucking fishing poles.

Noah hums, running a hand through his recently cut short hair.

”It suits you, you know, short hair.” He turned to you fully with furrowed eyebrows. What was your game?

God you looked fucking beautiful, your hair was pulled back into a bun at the back of your neck, curled strands framing your face. Sharp wings of eyeliner made your eye colour stand out beautifully in the low light, along with those dark lashes and your lips were painted a shade of red that could only be described as unholy and fuck, he just wanted to feel them on his again.

”You think?” His voice was weak and he internally kicked himself for even looking at you because his knees felt weak and his stomach felt like it might explode.

You smiled that smile that he fell for all those years ago, reaching your hand out to brush a stray piece of hair from his eyes.

Yeah, he was well and truly fucked, done for, so fucking completely in love with you. He was never getting over you.

“Hey, we’re about to play the album.” Nicholas’ voice from the balcony door made you jump back away from Noah.

”See you inside, yeah?” He nodded at your words, watching you walk back inside to Mike, planting a soft kiss on the guy's cheek and Noah wanted to vomit.

Nicholas was staring at him with a smirk.

”Shut the fuck up.” Noah pointed at his best friend, grabbing the bottle of Hennessy before pushing his way inside.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Noah had been shifting uncomfortable in his seat, your narrowed eyes burning into him for almost an hour. You were clinging on to every fucking lyric he wrote and he knew he was in for it the moment you could get him alone again.

So as soon as the album had played through and chatter started up again, he was up on his feet, moving across the room before you could get to him.

”Hey, Noah isn’t it?” Oh for fuck’s sake. Mike held a hand out to him,

Noah hesitantly shook it with a smile that he was faking hard, gritting his teeth. “Yeah, nice to meet you…Mike?”

The taller man grinned. “Yeah, I’m Y/N’s boyfriend but I’m guessing you already know.”

Yeah, he fucking does know.

“It’s so sick that she knows you guys, I’ve listened to your last two albums and they go hard, man.”

Noah nodded, smiling, looking behind the guy to see you storming towards them with clenched fists.

“Look, Mike, I’m sorry to cut this short bu-“

“Hi babe, what are we talking about?” Fuck, you were now standing next to Mike, staring up at Noah with a false grin that screamed ‘I’m going to fucking kill you’.

”Oh, I was just telling Noah how much I fuck with the music babe.” Mike was completely unaware of the frustration bubbling in your bones, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

”That’s lovely.” You cooed, planting a kiss on his cheek. “Could you give Noah and I a second to talk, Folio is looking for you I think.”

Shit, shit, shit. There was no way he was getting out of it now. Mike leaned down to pull you into a kiss before strutting towards Folio and Noah just about wanted the ground to swallow him up right there and then.

”Downstairs, now.”

He had no choice but to follow you down the stairs like a lost dog, shuffling his feet as you stomped down the steps. As soon as you reached the outside, you turned to him with flailing arms.

”What the fuck is all that, Noah? You think that’s okay, airing our dirty laundry out like that?” You were seething, face turning beet red.

”It’s music, Y/N, not everything is about you.”

“Oh so ‘someone else’, ‘the death of peace of mind’ and what was the other one? ‘Bad decisions’? They’re not about me? Right…so the pretty much direct fucking quotes from our break up aren’t there? Sure.” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

”First of all, it’s ‘somebody else’. Second of all, why does it matter? You’ve clearly moved on. I mean fuck me right?” He laughed incredulously, running a hand through his hair. “You said that you didn’t want to be with me anymore because your career was taking up all of your time and energy and then you show up here with a new guy, smushing face with him in front of me and my brothers like nothing happened. We were together for six fucking years, Y/N!”

He took a deep breath, chest heaving. You stared up at him with glassy eyes full of fire but he was past caring by that point.

”So forgive me, darling, for pouring my heart into my music. Our break up is still a fresh wound. I genuinely thought that we were gonna be end game and yeah, I’m not fucking over it. Did you even listen to ‘Just Pretend’, huh?”

A tear fell from your lashes onto your cheekbone, your face softening and Noah couldn’t watch. He hated the bullshit, the anger, the sadness. He just wanted to wrap you up in his arms and go back to when everything was okay, back when you were still his. Fuck, it was too much.

”Look, I’m sorry for shouting. I just find it really hypocritical of you to be going off at me like that when you completely blindsided me tonight.”

You nodded your head quickly, wiping the tears away with the back of your hand. He was right, you had no place to be upset when you had hurt him, really fucking hurt him.

Noah could hear Jolly calling his name from inside and he sighed. “Maybe we can talk about all of this over coffee sometime next week. It’s a conversation we really need to have, cut the loose ends so both of us can move on, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Your voice was quiet as a mouse, eyes trained on your shoes.

He wanted to reach out, pull you into his chest and comfort you but it wasn’t the right time, he didn’t think it would ever be. You had someone else to hold you and he was upstairs waiting.

“Text me, my number is still the same.”

With a sad smile, he turned, making his way back inside.

[magnificentstrawberryomen]

bound to break (jolly karlsson x reader one shot)

cw: just angst oops

iwas incredibly proud of him, don’t get me wrong.

i loved his dark eyes sparkling with passion whenever he hit the stage and hit the first snares of his guitar. the concentrated, serious frown and expression he carried during the entire performance, whilst i knew more than anyone how much he was beaming on the inside, like a burning sun filled with passion, radiating to the instrument he’s playing.

but it hurt as well. it hurt that he had to chose between two of the things he loved the most; me, and his career. i wish i could’ve put it differently that night when it all went wrong—wrong for my heart now still desperately aching for him, needing him. for him to come home and wrap his arms around me like a safe heaven, singing me softly asleep, as he noticed i was close to drifting away but just needing to hear his calm and warm voice against my ear, the only thing that made me sleep fully and peacefully.

but i needed to break the silence, the painful eating silence between us whenever we were together and i just had to sit and watch him still being occupied by work instead of holding me like he always used to when he had days off.

“y/n, please. you can’t make me choose—”

“i’m not making you chose, joakim. or at least, i don’t want you to, but… i’m trying to explain to you that that i find it very hard to see you less and less, and now that you’ve just gotten back for three days you have to leave again!”

“i know!” he had yelled back, in frustration, in sadness. “i know, and it’s not like i like it either! but this is an opportunity we as a band have to take, you understand that right? we haven’t been able to play like this for y—”

“i never said i didn’t!” my voice breaks in a hoarse whisper, heart close to breaking as i interrupt him, ‘cause i knew where this conversation would end up to. it was bound to happen for a while now, and we were both tired. tired, yearning for each other every single day, yet our needs never got met. and it destroyed us, slowly but steadily, like a wall between us about to crack with each time we saw each other, waiting to get broken by either of us.

“but you understand that this situation becomes tiring for me, right? joakim, i barely see you and it becomes less and less, shorter and shorter. i miss you, i miss us—i miss who we were and could be!”

a silence is followed, only our ragged breathing being heard in the room around us, and jolly looks at me with a saddening frown, and i know i have the same look at my face, just more frustratedly and tired.

“what are you saying exactly, y/n?” he then asked after a moment, stepping slightly closer, a messy strand of hair escaping from his half up bun that i’m tempted to brush away behind his ear, but i keep both my hands to my side.

“what i’m saying is… i don’t know anymore how we can still make this work between us. i want to, truly, and you know that—but… it’s getting tiring. it’s getting tired to miss my other half, and him not even being with me when we’re together. even at home you’re constantly wrapped up in work, and i can just sit here and watch in silence waiting for you to leave your damn office and become known of my existence again.”

the memory of that night is painful. painful especially when i lay in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, the fabric of the sheets and mattress feeling extra cold now that he is not there anymore to make it warm and comfortable, safe and nice to lay in—i wasn’t able to sleep for weeks after we decided to take a break and see where life would lead us, if the road of this hectic life would take us back together or not.

so far, it didn’t. it seemed like jolly didn’t even want to take the first step. and maybe that was because of his busy schedule, maybe it was because i was too afraid of the reality peeking around the corner and watching me, watching me like a hawk to remind me all of this was never going to work out again, so i didn’t take the first step either. the only way i was in some sort of contact with him, was through a tv screen, watching him perform in a small intimate venue, which was a huge difference from the festival his band had played the night before, and just in general. they were getting more and more successful each day.

i would watch with tears stinging in my eyes, feeling both utterly heartbroken but so proud of him as well. because i knew be belonged to that stage, along with his friends, his brothers, creating music so special, inspiring and important for others with the passion clearly rushing through his body, the body that one held me with so much love and joy, that i couldn’t be mad at him anymore.

because i couldn’t take this type of love and joy from him either, because he was clearly made for this and the stage—and it hurts that he was not made for me, and a life together, after all.

[roycevelvet]

Tangled hearts

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x reader Warnings: none Notes: I have nothing interesting to say, I was listening to 'Heather' lol + i was thinking about Sons Of Anarchy Jax while writing this, pls keep that in mind x

You were walking next to Noah to your local pub, feeling a mix of emotions swirling inside you like a whirlpool. You'd been best friends with Noah for as long as you can remember, sharing laughs, tears, heartbreak, happiness and everything in between. But there was this secret, this feeling you kept hidden deep down—a kind of love that felt too risky to admit, scared it might ruin your friendship.

As you arrived at your local pub, the familiar sights and sounds washed over you as you settled in your usual spot. Noah plopped down beside you, his smile lighting up the room. It was a routine, almost, Noah snagging the seat next to you without fail. If he didn't, well, he'd sulk like a kid missing their favorite toy.

"So, what's the plan for tonight?" Noah asked, his eyes sparkling as he leaned in closer.

"I was thinking we could start with a game of pool," you suggested.

"Sounds like a plan," he replied, his tone light and playful. "But you know I'm going to beat you at pool, right?"

You laughed. “We'll see about that," you teased, your heart swelling with love for your best friend. "Besides, if you beat me, I might have to find a handsome stranger to console me."

There was a pause, a flicker in Noah's eyes that caught your attention. His smile wavered, his gaze shifting.

"Really?" Noah's asked, arching his brow.

You shrugged. "Who knows?" you said with a playful wink. "I might just sweep some unsuspecting guy off his feet with my killer pool skills."

Noah's expression darkened. “Mh, okay.” he muttered.

You furrowed your brow, caught off guard by the sudden change in Noah's demeanor. "Are you okay?" you asked, concern coloring your tone.

Noah forced a smile, avoiding your gaze. "Yeah, I'm fine," he insisted, his tone not quite convincing. 

Lost in your thoughts, you attempted to immerse yourself in conversation with your other friends, hoping to distract yourself. But then, like a sudden gust of wind disrupting the peace, the door swung open almost with a theatrical flair, like those damn Hollywood movies, and just the most beautiful girl stepped inside.

Your heart skipped a beat as she made her way across the room, her presence along drawing the attention of everyone around her. Your gaze followed her, unable to tear away as she approached Noah, her smile as bright as the stars.

And then, like a dagger to your heart, Noah turned towards you and the rest of your group, his eyes lit up with genuine joy. "I want you to meet someone special," he said, his voice filled with excitement.

"This is Heather," he introduced, his gaze never leaving your face. "My girlfriend."

The words hung in the air like a heavy shroud, suffocating you with their weight. You forced a smile, your heart breaking with each syllable that escaped Noah's lips. Who the fuck is she and where did she came from? Since when has Noah a girlfriend?

"It's lovely to meet you, Heather," you said with the sweetest smile.

Heather smiled warmly. "Likewise! Noah's told me so much about you," she said, her voice a gentle melody in the chaos of your thoughts.

As Noah and Heather chatted with the others, you felt yourself drifting further away.

Nicholas squeezed your hand, his silent support a lifeline. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” you whispered back as casually as you could sound.

You watched as Noah and Heather sat down hand in hand, unable to suppress the ache in your heart.

—

Feeling overwhelmed, you excused yourself to go to the restroom, Juno, your best friend, offering to come with you. As soon as the door closed behind you, the tears just came streaming down, and you collapsed against the wall, also like a fucking Hollywood movie.

Juno wrapped her arms around you, holding you tight as you sobbed. Juno knew about your feelings towards Noah.

"I don't know what to do, Juno," you whispered between sobs. "Noah, he... he's always so flirty with me, always acting strange when I mention other guys, always so touchy and needy and then he pulls this stunt? Since when is he dating a girl named Heather?”

Juno's grip tightened around you, her own confusion evident in her silence for a moment. "I wish I had the answers for you, Y/N," she finally said. "But I don’t, I’m sorry, men are trash."

Her unexpected comment caught you off guard, and despite feeling heavy, a little laugh came out. It was a moment of relief in the middle of all the chaos.

You nodded, tears still running down your face. Despite feeling sad and insecure because Heather was the most stunning girl you’ve had ever seen, you knew you had to act tough.

Standing up straight, you wiped away your tears. "No man is going to make me cry today," you declared. "I'm not going to let Noah ruin my night. I'm here to have fun, and that's exactly what I'm going to do."

—

As the night rolled on and the drinks kept coming, you did your best to ignore Noah and Heather. But for some reason, Heather seemed dead set on getting to know you, constantly interrupting your conversations with her silly questions. You just wished she'd leave you alone with her pretty eyes, perfect nose, and flawless skin.

Despite your efforts to be friendly, you kept your interactions with her short. Not really in the mood to mingle with her, even though nothing was her fault actually. It’s not like she had any say in how God chose her to be his favourite. You asked Noah to play a game of pool, but suddenly he wasn't interested anymore, only eyes for Heather. So, you did what you knew best: flee the situation and find that handsome stranger to console you.

If Noah could bring along his girlfriend, you figured you could find some fun for the night too, right?

Juno was by your side, the ultimate wing woman. It being a Friday night, the pub was crowded with people. It didn't take long for Juno and you to approach a couple of guys for a game of pool. You played the part of a clueless girl, pretending you didn't know how to play, so the tall, blonde haired stranger would offer his help, just like in the movies, again. 

As you engaged in the game, bantering back and forth, the tension between you and the stranger grew stronger. With a playful smirk, he leaned in closer, his eyes locking with yours. "You know, for someone who claims not to know how to play, you're doing pretty well," he smiled.

You chuckled softly, feeling a flutter in your chest. "Beginner's luck, I suppose," you replied. "But who knows, maybe you could teach me a thing or two?"

A spark of interest igniting in his eyes. "I'd be happy to give you a few pointers," he said flirty. "But only if you promise to give me a chance to win you over with more than just pool skills."

You leaned in closer, your voice dropping to a whisper. "Well, in that case, consider me intrigued," you said, a smile playing at your lips. "Lead the way, pool master."

“I am Jax by the way” he said as he flashed a smile. “Y/N, nice to meet you.”

—

Noah watched as you interacted with that douche, sharing laughs and exchanging glances, and couldn't shake the unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach. His discontent grew more apparent by the minute. 

Finally, unable to contain his annoyance any longer, Noah started bitching to Nicholas. "Can you believe Y/N right now?" he asked sharply. "She's completely ignoring me for that guy. It's like she doesn't even care that I'm here. I mean us, I thought it was a friends night out.”

Nicholas raised an eyebrow, looking at Noah with a hint of amusement. "Maybe she's just having fun," he suggested.

But Noah shook his head, his frustration evident. "It's not just that," he continued, growing more agitated. "That guy she's with, he's not good enough for her. And he clearly doesn't have a clue what she wants.”

“And you know what Y/N wants? Are you’re the Y/N expert?” he laughs.

Without hesitation, Noah replied firmly, "Yes, of course I do. And it's not that guy." His tone left no room for doubt.

Nicholas listened carefully as Noah complained further. "Are you jealous?" Nicholas asked, even though he already knew the answer.

Noah's expression darkened, his jaw tensing as he struggled to contain his emotions. "Why would I be jealous?" he replied defensively. "I've got Heather, remember?"

But Nicholas could tell that Noah wasn't being completely honest. It was clear that Noah's true feelings for you were far more complicated than he was willing to admit.

—

As you chatted with Jax during the game, seeing Noah and Heather being all lovey-dovey in the corner made you feel a bit jealous, well this was maybe an understatement. They looked so cozy together, like they belonged with each other. It made you want to puke, want to pull your hair out but it also made you wish you were Heather as well. You just wanted to smash her pretty, little face into a wall. So, yeah, you were only a bit jealous.

"So, how did you end up here tonight?" Jax asked, flashing you a friendly smile as he lined up his shot.

“Nothing special, just hanging out with some friends.” You replied nonchalantly.

Jax chuckled, leaning against the pool table. "Same here. Thought I'd come out and see what the night had in store. And I must say, meeting someone as intriguing as you was definitely unexpected."

You felt a blush creeping up your cheeks at his compliment. "Flattery will get you everywhere," you teased, taking your turn at the pool table.

As the game continued, the conversation flowed effortlessly between you and Jax. But you couldn't stop thinking about Noah and Heather. Feeling jealous like that was weird for you, and it made you feel like like you weren’t good enough.

But before you knew it, the game had ended, but the tension between you and Jax grew strong. With a shy smile, you found yourself blurting out, "Do you maybe want to go for some fresh air?”

You knew you were acting out of spite and jealousy, but Jax was a cute guy, so no harm, right?

Jax's eyes lit up with excitement, mirroring your own. "I'd love to," he replied eagerly. "Lead the way." mimicking your words from earlier.

You motioned for Juno, to let her know you were okay as you and Jax made your way out of the bustling pub.

—

Meanwhile, Noah's mood was shifting from bad to worse as he watched you leaving with Jax. His face turned red with anger, and he clenched his fists, fuming silently. Nicholas noticed Noah's frustration and tried to calm him down.

“Are you okay, man?” Nicholas asked.

Noah waved him off, trying to play it cool. "It's nothing, just being protective, you know? Y/N's my best friend, and I just want to make sure she's okay," he said, but his words rang hollow, even to himself.

And to make matters worse, Heather was up his ass as well now. Heather, who had been observing the situation all night, couldn't hold back her frustration any longer. She wasn't a fool. Noah was always talking about you. About how funny you were, how kind you were, even how beautiful you were. That's why Heather wanted to get to know you tonight, to scout the competition.

"Noah, ever since Y/N went to talk with that guy, you've been acting weird," she said, her voice tinged with annoyance.

Noah's facade cracked, his frustration boiling over. "Why are you acting jealous all of a sudden? Y/N’s just my best friend," he snapped.

Heather's eyes widened in shock, hurt flashing across her face. "Excuse me?" her voice rising in anger. “I’m the one acting jealous? You're the one with a girlfriend, yet you're acting like a possessive boyfriend over another girl. Maybe you should figure out what you really want before pointing fingers at me!”

"No, no, it's not like that," Noah tried to backtrack, but his words only seemed to further fuel Heather's anger.

"What do you mean it's not like that? It’s exactly like that!” Heather yelled, her voice sharp with frustration.

Heather stood up in a hurry, grabbing her jacket from the chair. "Call me when you made up your mind about what you want, I don't have time for this." she said firmly before storming out of the pub. 

Noah watched her go, his jaw clenched in stubborn silence. He made no move to follow her, his gaze followin her to the door where he spotted you standing outside. The sight of you and the stranger chatting outside only seemed to add fuel to the fire of Noah's already simmering emotions. A mixture of jealousy and frustration swirling within him. 

He didn't know what to do, so he just stayed where he was. He didn't chase after Heather, and he didn't approach you either. He just stood there, watching, feeling lost.

To be continued.

[1toreyouapart]

Something spooky this way comes…

[spicywhenspeaking]

Bad Omens

Series :

If I’m There : Noah X OFC Natalie

Noah and Natalie meet in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind

I Dare You : Noah X Reader

part one / part two

“You what?” Noah puffs out, shaking his head like he doesn’t understand what I meant. “I said, I dare you.”

Star-Crossed Connection : Folio x OFC

Seraphina Holloway is Hollywood’s new it girl. But, when an embarrassing viral video of her ex / costar publicly dumping her goes viral, she thinks she needs a quick fix to help maintain her image. When she’s set to appear at her new movies premier she scrambles to find a date to bring that will help take the white hot spotlight away from her public dumping and show that she’s still desirable to all. Enter Nick Folio, drummer of the metalcore band that’s taking over the scene, Bad Omens. He’s a sweet down to earth guy with a heart of gold and when a smokin hot movie star asks him to be her fake boyfriend for a week he agrees to help. But will the line between fake feelings and reals ones start to blur when Seraphina lets her true self show.

one shots :

Noah ->

Lost & Found : Noah

Smut/Fluff

you’re surprising your husband Noah while he’s on tour! It’s literally just SMUT

Crush Crush Crush : Fluff

you’re Folios sister and you have a crush on Noah and Noah keeps asking you about who you like with no idea its him.

Heater’s out : Fluff

just some fluff about you and Noah dealing with a power outage during your weekend getaway. 

Backstage Fun: Smut

Noah F+$KS

Lake House Vacation Smut/Fluff

Noah missed you after months apart and couldn't wait any longer....

Folio ->

High Folio 👋🏼 : Folio X Reader  : Fluff

this fic is 420 friendly and includes the recreational use of cannabis 🍁

Kissing

wine drunk and kissing

Jolly ->

Käraste Smut based on a moodboard from @madomens

Nicholas ->

Hired to kill but falls in love Fluff based on a moodboard from @madomens

Love Confession Prompt Fluff You and Nicholas confess your love in the rain ☔️

Leaning onto each other, just being close, was enough. Fluff surprised Nicholas on tour and you missed being in each other arms

[cookiesupplier]

Hell Ain't So Bad - Part Twenty-One

pairing: Noah Sebastian x ofc (Ellie)

warnings/tropes: slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death, mentions of torture, thoughts of religious ideology, minor violence, swearing, cheating.

summary: Ellie was lost in the world, homeless with no idea what to do and nowhere to go.. Who would have thought that one day, she’d end up working in hell itself.. And what does this even mean?

author’s note: Unbetaed, readers beware. Only one part left after this of Hell Ain't So Bad, and then we start A Friend Down In Hell

tags: @spicywhenspeaking @bngurngheart @cncohshit @valiantroeagleangel @blackveilomens @dominuslunae @tearfallpixie @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747 @notingridslurkaccount @lyschko666 @lacktoesandtoddlerants @jilliemiw86 @emmmm127 @laurpartyprogram

“Noah.”

Looking up at him, her breath caught in her throat, Ellie felt frozen in place.

“Ellie.”

Not BabyGirl. She remembered she’d shut him down for that. He hadn’t called her that since, not even in the messages. She’d noticed. Her heart and her head screamed two very different things, and do not ask her which one was saying which right now because for the life of her, she couldn’t tell you. One wanted to throw herself at him, right into his arms, wrap her own around him and never let go. The other wanted her to slam the door right in his face, his tired, drawn face. And he did look it, so tired, he looked a mess. Noah’s dark eyes looked dull, weary, whether of her, and of whether she’d bother to give him the time of day, or something else he’d been dealing with, she didn’t know. His hair hung limp around his face, and there were shadows forming under his eyes. This was not the Noah she knew. In a blink he could change his appearance, she knew that, but this was a Noah that didn’t seem to care. That didn’t seem to be fussed over anything, and it hurt some to see him like this. To see him beaten.

Why did it hurt? There was a part of her that was still so angry at him. How dare he make her feel like this. How dare he look at her with those eyes and make her want to crumble in her arms and beg his forgiveness for ignoring him, for sending him away, and she’d done nothing wrong!

Steeling herself, Ellie took in a deep breath as she looked up at him, with the state of him, she was almost surprised he was standing right now. He looked dead on his feet. Was he sleeping? None of the others had said anything about him doing this badly, but then again, she had refused to hear anything about him, refused to talk about him at all if she could help it. So how would they have been able to tell her anything? How would they have been able to tell her they were concerned about him or not?

“May I come in?”

He asked, his voice rough, and not in the roughness that told her she was going to be in for a wild night, wicked that would have her voice hoarse from delicious screams by morning. Still, Ellie blinked slowly and nodded slightly, accepting, he asked, he asked instead of demanding, for that she could give him time.

“I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

Offering without thinking, because, honestly, it sounded like he needed one. He sounded wrecked, and, if he was there to talk and not to knock her off. Hey, she was already dead, what more could he do to her, right? Aside from dragging her to a punishment realm, and Nicholas had already assured her she wasn’t assigned to one, then, the least she could do was make him a cup of damn tea while they talked. Find out what he had to say for himself.

Stepping aside, she let him pass her by and come into her apartment. The whole place was so very different from that first night he’d brought her home, that first night she’d drunkenly tried, and failed, to seduce him at the time. It had gone from just being a place where she just slept her nights away, considering she'd barely arrived back then, and now, this was her home. Noah had spent many a night with her here if she was honest, and yet right then, as he walked in, the way he looked, he just seemed, adrift, and it hurt her heart even more than she missed him. Less than two weeks ago, it had felt like he belonged here, about as much as the stupid fake plant Jolly had given her when all the boys had realised how easily she kept killing the ones they’d kept replacing for her housewarming present. Sure, she might keep a cactus alive, but this was one prettier! It had bright flowers, she loved the flowers.

Standing in her kitchen, she watched as he moved to sit on one of the stools at her breakfast bar, swallowing as she set the kettle to boil and prepared Noah some tea. It was Mama Ruffilo’s special blend, she made it herself. He was silent as he waited, just watching her while she moved around the kitchen until she set the cup in front of him lightly and moved to sit across from him with her own cup of tea. As he took a sip, sighing as she looked at him. Swallowing as her hands curved around her mug, trying not to think about how formal this felt now that they were sitting across from each other. Those dark eyes looked right into her like they always did though, a shiver running down her spine.

“Do you have any idea how much I have tried to beg to get this tea out of Mama Ruffilo?”

Ellie smiled slightly at the question, his voice a touch smoother, but still so rough, and tired. Noah was trying to find a way to be light-hearted, she could tell, but what was between them was weighing them both down.

“Please, she’ll practically give you anything you want, Noah Sebastian. She loves you like a son, Nicholas always spouts that she’d disown him and adopt you if her husband would let her, and you know it.”

Shaking his head a little, taking another sip of his tea slowly, easing it down his throat before speaking again. His eyes held a little mirth at her words, she wasn’t wrong, it was a running joke between him and Nicholas about his mother, however when it came to this tea, that was a different story altogether.

“Not this tea, this is her magic tea, this is her feel-good tea. She only ever gives it up when she wants to make someone feel better, or, she particularly likes someone. She hasn’t given that tea to any of us to take home, ever. Furthermore, she gives it to Nicholas for his office to calm anxious people, she makes us a cup when we visit, but lets any of us take some of it home. Never. Until you. Everyone says I’m her favourite, but I think it’s you, BabyGirl.”

Noah’s voice grew smoother, and softer as he spoke, the tea soothing his throat as it did. She tried not to react, but a tiny smile formed on her lips as he spoke of Mama Ruffilo and how protective she was of her tea, and his claim that she was her favourite. Never had she ever been anyone’s favourite before. She did know about the tea at the office, she’d been one of those that needed a little soothing, just as Nick had told her, she remembered telling his mom about her magic tea, and how it healed her cough.. She realised now that she’d known she was dead, it was a horrible reality, figuring out all the people who had hidden so much from her. Did it make her a horrible person that forgiving Mama Ruffilo was easier, though? Was it cruel to hold it against Noah? He’d been in her home, her life, her bed.. He lied to her every day.

Then her breath hitched, that tiny smile on her lips froze, and her heart clenched when she heard it, BabyGirl. She remembered him telling her how nothing could make him not want her as his BabyGirl. Taking in a sharp breath as her expression dropped, setting her mug down, she wasn’t sure calming tea was going to help her now.

“Noah, I-”

Swallowing, she didn’t know what to say to him.

“Listen, Ellie, I would have told you if I-”

“Don’t.”

Her eyes closed quickly as she stood back from the bar and shook her head, no.

“I don’t want to hear you tell me excuses, about how you would have told me if you could have. Noah, you could have. You chose not to. You lied to me, Noah, you started a relationship with me knowing you were lying to me, the entire time.”

Ellie couldn’t help the way the words were flowing when she started talking now, almost ranting at him. Noah’s dark eyes pained as he regarded her, he hated that she thought that they got involved as they did, and how he felt about her, and all she could think about was that he lied to her. He knew why, he knew... And it was killing him.

“I’m not-”

She just kept going, cutting him off as he tried to talk.

“And don’t you dare try to say we weren’t properly dating, because I was stupid enough to keep telling myself that again and again, that we were just hooking up, and just hanging out every time you came over to spend time with me. That we were only enjoying ourselves, nothing more. Even if we never said the words specifically, even if we never actually called them what they were, we’ve been dating for months. You’ve been lying to me for months.”

Standing from the breakfast bar, Noah’s voice was forceful as it cut through her little tirade, but he had no choice as it was the only way to get her to hear him as her words just kept steamrolling forward. “Goddammit, Ellie, I’m not Jeremy!”

He couldn’t stand it anymore, he couldn’t stand her accusing him like that, she wasn’t saying it, but she was comparing him to that bastard, he could feel it, every time she talked about their relationship, talked about him lying.

“Yes, I lied, I should have told you, but I didn’t, because, I love you BabyGirl. After our talk, I was trying to convince Nick to tell you, I was going to enlist his Mama if I had to, to get him on board, but I was not going to back down. I didn’t care if I was going to get busted down to the lowest of ranks, I would have done it.”

Ellie glared a little at how aggressively he spoke about Jeremy, she knew he wasn’t, didn’t she? She went to yell at him, how dare he assume to know what she was thinking when he kept going, and suddenly she was completely floored with what he was saying to her.

Watching him, completely silent, a bit dumbfounded actually as he paced back and forth, ranting about how he was going to push Nicholas to finally agree to tell her if it was the last thing he did. Hearing that he couldn’t stand holding back from her anymore, that the night before she found out had almost broken him, but his best friend, his brother, it was his job that was on the line, and betraying him was…

Hearing Noah’s voice crack at the word betrayal had Ellie finding her voice, finally, not just because it was finally dawning on her just how much turmoil Noah must have been dealing with, going in circles dealing with his loyalty to Nicholas, and how much guilt he had with how he’d treated her.. But also her feelings about what he’d said..

“You love me?”

Her voice was so quiet, that the words were barely breathed out. She felt so small. He’d never said it, and she knew she hadn’t either, not until, not until she’d admittedly thrown it in his face that she’d fallen in love with another liar.

Despite how soft her voice was, even with his ranting, Noah heard them, how could he not? Of course, he fucking heard them, this was Ellie, this was BabyGirl, he’d been dying to get her to talk to him all week, and hearing her utter anything at all, and he’d hear it. No matter how painful. Yes, her questioning whether he loved her, was painful, because, did she not know?

No, he hadn’t admitted how he felt, that was something Noah had struggled with since he was young, and he always had, he’d lost so many people in his life, that telling someone how he felt came with actions, over words. He showed them how he felt. Which, is kind of why he tended to round up all the people who hurt everyone he loved and tortured them to wit's end. It was safe to say, that Carla, Jeremy and Gia had truly been enduring so much pain and suffering at Noah’s hands this past week. It wasn’t his wrath that was justly earned, however, his pain that had been poured into their suffering, which just made it all the more potent as far as he was concerned.

Noah moved around the island bar and shifted to stand before her, his hands moving to cup her face in his hands.

“Ellie, BabyGirl, of course, I love you. If you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

His forehead leaned down to hers softly, she shuddered softly, tears glistening in her eyes as she smiled slowly,

“I love you too, you, idiot.”

Thankfully he was already leaning down to press his forehead to herself so it wasn’t hard to bring her lips to his with a kiss. She hadn’t told anyone she loved them properly since, since… Jeremy. Ellie hadn’t dared trust herself to do such a thing, because the thought of that kind of betrayal…

Her heart clenched thinking about loving someone who would use her, and lie to her, and yet, seeing the pain and anguish in Noah’s eyes with the fact he’d been living with the reality, she’d been comparing them.

And she had, hadn’t she?

It made her feel sick.

That this man, this man that had been willing to try and force the hand of the closest person to him in the world, his brother, for her. No, not a man, a demon, who could torture, main, and kill, all manner of beings in ways she could only imagine, and he had been talking about plotting against Nicholas, because that was what he’d been saying in no uncertain terms with that little rant just now. His words were coming out in a jumbled mess as he paced along the breakfast bar, but they had been there. Looking up at him now, her hands resting on his biceps, fingers squeezing lightly as she smiled.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, BabyGirl, but I couldn’t stand the thought of, okay, still having been lying to you when I did.”

She laughed at that, tears in her eye, fuck, why was she crying, her cheeks were wet and Noah was kissing them now, brushing her tears away with his lips. Sighing when she got another good look at him though, shaking her head, she might be in tears, but he looked, damn he still looked like he was barely able to stand up on his feet, how was he still standing right now?

“Come on, Mister, you look like you are about to fall asleep on your feet! What you have been doing all week??”

Starting to guide Noah towards her room, he really did need to sleep, he looked dead tired, and she was the one who was honestly dead.

“I’ve been playing with my new pets, three of them, it's been cathartic to make them scream.”

Oh, oh, she could bet what their names were too, Carla, Jeremy, and Gia.

As she got him into her room, and into her bed, wrapping him up into her blanket, he managed to convince her to join him, she did, wrapped up with him, cuddles, nothing more, he needed sleep. Sure, he could magic himself to look normal, but he’d still be exhausted, and she wouldn’t believe him for a second until she’d seen him sleep with her own two eyes. Her head on his cheek, hearing his heartbeat start to lull,

“Ellie?”

“Mmm, yeah?”

“M’not Mister.”

“No?”

“I’m the fucking king.”

Giggling as she remembered one of his lines at the music show, yes, yes he was.

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

[iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning]

Nick Folio

Warnings Key:

🥀: Angst

🪻: Fluff

🌹: Smut

🌺: Suggestive but no smut

Blurbs/ Head-Cannons/ Drabbles

@malice-ov-mercy :

pulling on his chain during sex 🌹

period sex 🌹

@amourtoken :

older brother’s best friend! folio 🌹

@kaliforniahigh :

folio cumming in you and then eating you out 🌹

Oneshots

@measuredingold :

‘i think i’m in love’ 🪻

‘falling for you’ 🪻🌹

@malice-ov-mercy :

‘Shotgun’ 🌹

‘mindless’ 🌹

@badnoahmens :

‘Shower With Me’ 🌹

@sorrowsofsilence :

‘Cymbal-ism’ 🌹

@tikosblogg :

movie night 🌹

@sitkowski :

‘sweet surrender’ 🌹🪻

@foreverlittlesoshi :

‘i’m your toy’🌹

@withcrossesandframes :

‘riptide’ 🌹🪻

@foliosriot :

‘Back To You’ 🪻

@sinkingteethinwhitenoise :

‘Loving You Easy’ ���🪻🌹

@collapsedglasshouses :

‘Sweater Weather’ 🪻

[blairboo]

BAD DECISIONS PART 2

Noah Sebastian x Fem! Reader

Summary: When Noah realizes the decision he had made and that he had lost you, what does he do to try to reverse the situation?

Warnings: Crying, arguments, drinking, fights.

Word Count: 1.5K

---

**Noah's POV**

What the hell had I done?

She wasn’t here.

Why did I leave?

❦

It was 10 PM, and I was still sitting in a bar with Jolly. He had called me out after I told him about my fight with Y/N. I had already drunk everything, trying to forget the fact that I had been a terrible husband and, worse, a terrible best friend—the best friend of someone who had trusted me with all her secrets.

“Earth to Noah”—Jolly pulled me back from my thoughts.

“Sorry”—I turned my attention back to him.

“Bro, I know how important she is to you, and right now, I think you should go home and figure out a good way to apologize”—Jolly warned me.

“She’s not going to forgive me”—I sighed.

“You don’t know that; you haven’t talked to her yet”—

“I know her, Jolly, like the back of my hand. We’ve been married for the last two years”—I knew she was upset and that she wouldn’t want to talk to me right then.

“Try, man, bad decisions are made this way. Maybe she’s waiting for you at home, hoping for an apology”—

“You’re right, okay”—I got up from the table.

“Let me know what happens, alright?”—Jolly gave me a light hug, and I just nodded, heading for the exit.

Where had my bad decisions taken me?

❦

I parked my car in the garage, rehearsing in my head what I would say to her, what excuse I would make to try and keep her from leaving, to try not to lose her.

I turned the key in the door. As I opened it, I was met with the darkness and silence that filled our home. My eyes spotted the note I had left when I left in the morning. It was crumpled and near the trash can.

I called out her name, asking where she was. The silence lingered. I made my way to our bedroom, hoping she would be there. But all I saw was her side of the closet nearly empty. Her suitcase was gone.

I felt my heart drop, tightening in my chest. Where had she gone?

My hand quickly went to my pocket, searching for my phone. I opened my contacts, looking for her name, and quickly dialed.

“Hey, it’s Y/N. Leave a message”—

Voicemail.

What the hell had I done?

She was gone.

I scrolled through my contacts and clicked on Jolly’s name.

“What’s up, man?”—he answered quickly.

“She’s gone”—I felt tears burning in my eyes, and my voice got cracked.

**Y/N’s POV**

Two days had passed.

Two days with no contact from Noah, no contact with anyone. I checked into a hotel near the beach. I needed this time to think about where my relationship with Noah was headed. I only left my room for four things: breakfast, lunch, dinner, and to hit the beach.

My phone had been off since I left our house; I still didn’t want to deal with my problems. My mind wasn’t in the right place for that yet.

But it was time to resolve this; I could feel divorce waiting for us.

I turned my phone back on.

There were lots of unread messages and missed calls. Even from his manager, Matt.

Nick had called me 56 times.

Nicholas had called me 78 times.

Jolly, 48 times.

And Noah—147 times.

I opened my chat with Noah, and his last message was sent two hours ago.

“I’m sorry.”

I needed to call him.

I put my phone to my ear and waited for his response.

“Y/N?”—there was desperation in his voice.

“Hi, Noah”—I replied.

“Thank God, I was so worried about you”—his 147 calls confirmed that, I mentally replied.

A few seconds passed before I responded.

“I want a divorce”—

Everything went quiet, no reply came.

“Where are you?”—his voice stumbled.

“Um, a hotel, the one we stayed in when we got locked out of the house”—a light smile crept onto my face, remembering the time we left the house key in Nick’s car, and he had gone to San Francisco.

“I’m coming over”—I could hear him grab his keys.

“Why, Noah? I just want a divorce; I don’t need to talk to you”—

“I’m not letting you file for divorce without talking to me face to face first. I know the hell I put you through. I’ve been a terrible husband these past few months, but you won’t divorce me without talking to me in person.” His voice was solid, sure of his actions.

I felt tears threatening to fall.

“Okay”—was all I could manage to say.

❦

It had been 15 minutes since Noah had called me. I had brushed my teeth and tried to hide the fact that I had spent the last two days crying and thinking about the end of our relationship.

A knock on the door made me feel like I was in high school about to present a project in front of the whole class.

Nervousness.

I walked toward the door, standing in front of it, taking a deep breath and trying to convince myself that everything would be okay.

I opened the door and was met by Noah’s puffy, red eyes.

He was still so beautiful.

“H-hi”—his voice faltered.

“Come in”—he nodded, and I quickly closed the door behind him.

When I turned to Noah again, I was surprised by the warmth of his embrace, something I hadn’t felt in months, he held my so tightly.

“Please don’t ask for the divorce”—there was desperation in his voice.

“Don’t ask me to do that after you treated me like a complete stranger for the past few months”—my voice was weak but firm.

He pulled his face from my neck, looking me straight in the eyes, holding my face in his hands.

“I know, I know, that I’ve been a jerk the past few months and that I didn’t treat you the way I should have—and I’m so fucking sorry for that. But please don’t divorce me.”- His eyes were shining with tears threatening to fall.

“And how am I supposed to be sure you won’t do it again? That you won’t come home and treat me like a complete stranger?”—I pulled his hands away from my face.

“My promises might not mean anything right now, but I swear I will never treat you that way again; I promise I will improve. I won’t spend so much time in the studio. I promise to put effort into our relationship like I did in the beginning”—I searched for any sign of dishonesty or hesitation in his eyes, but all I saw was truth and fear.

The truth is that everyone makes mistakes, everyone takes bad decisions, but we don’t always have to crucify others for their wrong actions.

Of course, you shouldn’t stay in a place where the same mistake keeps happening and the person doesn’t see the issue or insists on the mistake.

But we are human beings; we are capable of making mistakes every day.

“I won’t be able to forgive you again, Noah. Please keep your promises. Each one you break is a part of me wanting to disappear from your life”—I wiped a tear that had fallen on his face.

Noah brought his hands back to my face, looking into my eyes deeply.

“I promise, I promise, every part of me needs you, today, now, always. I promise from the bottom of my heart you’ll never have to go through this pain again”—

“You’re my confidant, Noah, the person I seek when I come home and need comfort. You’ve held all my secrets like no one else; no one knows me like you do. Please don’t throw that away.”- I held his hand.

“I promise”—he whispered.

He hugged me, and I had missed that warmth for months.

He was here.

“Forgive me,” Noah whispered, kissing my forehead, and I simply nodded in agreement.

“Don’t make me doubt your love for me again”—I replied.

He looked at me and brought his lips to mine.

The feeling felt surreal.

Our lips always fit together, as if they were meant to be.

“I love you”—I felt happiness hearing those words again after months of thinking he had stopped loving me.

“I love you too”—I whispered back.

We kissed again.

Our kiss was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Noah walked over and opened it.

Jolly.

“Thank God you two worked it out. Noah without you isn’t worth anything.” There was a tone of joy in his voice.

“Shut up”—Noah replied, smiling lightly and giving Jolly a pat on the shoulder.

I smiled, hoping that this time, everything was going to be alright.

Don’t dwell on your bad decisions; chase after them and resolve them.

————

Hello Everyone 🤍

Surpriseee!

I hope you all like this part, i felt bad abandoning this work.

Lmk what do you think 🫶🏻

Blair👾

[kaliforniahigh]

Want to be in the Bad Omens fandom but don't want to deal with the drama? I have some tips for you as a newcomer:

Number 1: the first thing you'll find out about is what what people like to call the "lore". Stay away from gossip blogs, they can drag you to the deep end and you'll find out about things you don't and shouldn't know about. Also try to keep away from Twitter, most of the drama here makes its way there.

Remember that most things shared about Noah were done against his will, and a lot of it is not supposed to be on the internet for everyone to see. That includes pictures of him as a minor and other stuff I won't get into, so report anyone who is sharing those, please. Don't try to find out whatever was happening in his life when he was a teenager/young adult, he's made it very clear he is a completely different person now.

Number 2: Block!!!! I have blocked every gossip blog I've come across ever since joining the fandom. There is new drama everyday and there is no use in trying to look it up. A lot of those people are toxic and have no boundaries whatsoever.

Number 3: don't try to find out who the people mentioned in those blogs are. You'll get into a rabbit whole and some things can be pretty upsetting as a new fan. Just keep in mind that private things were shared when they shouldn't have been, by some people who wanted nothing but cause harm and spread hate.

Number 4: don't interact with those blogs. I have done it before and you'll just be feeding into the problem.

Number 5: filter whatever you see on here. You don't have to answer to anon hate, they send it to get a reaction out of people and it works most the the time, unfortunately. Ignore them, delete it and try to move on. They don't deserve your time of day.

Number 6: support fic creators and the people who keep this a safe space, even with all the toxicity involved. We're here to have a good time and support the people and band we love so much.

I hope this helps. Despite everything, this community can be very welcoming and there are a lot of great people here. You just have to get past some barriers to get to the good stuff.

[sinkingteethinwhitenoise]

Limoncello - Chapter 11

Pairings: Nick Folio x OFC, Bad Omens x OFC

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Blood, Mention of a gun, Use of a gun, MDNI

Word Count: 1.5k

Series Masterlist

“Will you release me, my friend? There’s nowhere to run or hide.” ~ I See Stars, We’re Not In Kansas Anymore

When Nick heard the ping of a notification from his phone, he expected to see a text from Maeve saying that she was on her way. What he actually saw was quite the opposite.

‘I need help. Call 911.’

“Fuck,” he whispered. He shot up from the couch and ran to the kitchen. He looked out the window that had a perfect view of the front of Maeve’s house. A chill ran down his spine and his stomach dropped with dread when he saw one of her windows smashed in. “FUCK!” He rushed back into the living room, where Jolly was seated on the couch, staring at him, worried. Nick glanced at him as he rushed past, bolting to his room. He reached under his bed to pull out a small safe.

Trembling fingers punched in the code and grabbed the contents once it clicked open. A pistol. He double checked that it was loaded before stuffing it into his waistband and rushing back out towards the front door.

“Where are you going?” Jolly called out from his spot on the couch.

“Someone broke into Maeve’s house,” Nick muttered, voice shaking as he placed his hand on the doorknob and swung the door open. “Call the cops. I’ll be back.”

Before Jolly could protest Nick’s decision to insert himself into a dangerous situation, the door slammed shut. Jolly had no choice but to pick up the phone and dial the number.

Maeve was in the process of whispering her address to the operator for the 3rd time. She was getting frustrated with the operator saying that they couldn’t hear her. She was trying so hard to stay hidden. Heavy footsteps stopped outside of her bedroom and she heard the aggressive shaking of the doorknob. Her eyes widened as she set the phone down next to her, not hanging up. She clasped her hand over her mouth as tears spilled down her face, trying her hardest to keep her breathing even.

When the locked door wouldn’t open, she heard a growl. “Oh you’re in for it now,” Tanner chuckled darkly from the other side. The next thing she heard was the deafening crack of her door being kicked down. It took a couple of kicks before he was able to get inside. She squeezed her eyes shut and curled into herself in an attempt to hide further from him. His heavy footsteps stopped right in front of her closet door before it was ripped open. “You really thought you could hide from me,” he growled. “Stupid fucking whore.”

He grabbed her by her ponytail and dragged her out of the closet. Maeve’s screams ripped through her throat like razor blades as her hands shot up to where his hand gripped her hair. She held onto it to try to alleviate the agonizing pressure on her scalp, to no avail. Her nails dug into his hand and scratched him as he threw her to the ground, her head bouncing off of the floor with a sickening thud. A loud, choked sob left her as she attempted to scramble away from him, only for him to pin her to the floor by sitting on top of her.

She struggled beneath him, squirming and bucking around frantically to get out of his hold. His hand wrapped around her throat and squeezed. Her eyes went wide as she tried to suck in a breath. Her hands shot up to try to pry his hand away. “You fucking left me,” he spat, his face disgustingly close to her own. His breath smelled of alcohol and something rotten. She nearly gagged at the smell and the feeling of his slimy saliva hitting her face. “Now you’re getting what was always coming to you, bitch.” He tightened his grip around her throat.

“P-Please,” she choked out. “Don’t do this, w-we can t-alk about this. Let me g-” Her face started to turn purple. Her vision became clouded with dark spots as Tanner’s sinister smirk and enraged eyes got blurrier and blurrier with each passing second. She was lightheaded and she felt like her eyes were about to pop out of their sockets. All she could hear was her own heartbeat pounding in her ears.

Tanner was too caught up in the pleasure of watching the life drain from Maeve’s eyes to hear the footsteps approaching the bedroom.

Nick approached the doorway with pure rage coursing through his veins. He sprung into action so quickly that he barely registered that he was moving. He came up behind Tanner as he pulled the gun from his waistband. Even though Nick was enraged, he really didn’t want to have to kill anyone. So, with the safety still on, he came up behind Tanner and smashed the side of the pistol into the back of his head.

Blood began to gush from the back of his head as a pained scream tore through him. He instinctively let go of Maeve’s neck to cradle his wound, falling off of her body and curling into himself on the floor. Maeve began to cough and gasp for air.

Nick shoved the weapon back into his waistband, not caring that there was blood on it. He rushed to Maeve’s side and without a word hoisted her up into his arms. He carried her outside, leaving Tanner bloodied on her bedroom floor.

Maeve coughed and hacked as she held onto Nick for dear life, fat tears streaming down her face. They heard police sirens as Nick carried her outside. He set her down in the driveway to remove his gun and place it on the ground next to her car before the police arrived. Then, he picked her back up and carried her to the sidewalk. Maeve’s coughing quickly turned into sobbing and gasping as she held onto Nick.

Nick’s breathing began to shake and his throat began to tighten as tears of his own sprung to his eyes. He gently caressed the back of her head. “I’m here, baby. I’m here,” he whispered, voice pinched as he held back tears. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Nosy neighbors had filled the sidewalk surrounding Maeve’s house. They heard the sirens and saw the lights and couldn’t help themselves. Of course, Noah, Nicholas, and Jolly were also outside watching, relieved upon seeing that their bandmate was unharmed and that Maeve was alive. The crowd began to thin as the police began wrapping up and the ambulance left.

The police had asked both Maeve and Nick numerous questions to get the whole story. Maeve could barely speak without stuttering and tripping over her words. She tried her best to give a coherent recollection of events and did surprisingly well for what she had just been through. Nick was able to get his gun back after the situation was sorted out. Tanner was under arrest, but was being taken to the hospital for stitches before going to jail.

Once cleared to go, Nick wrapped an arm around Maeve’s waist and led her across the street to his home. The guys were waiting in the driveway. They all walked inside together.

Inside, Maeve didn’t allow any of them to fuss over her. “Can I take a shower here?” she asked them, voice meek. She didn’t care that she’d just taken one. She felt disgusting and wanted to wash any remnants of Tanner away.

“Of course,” Nick answered softly. “C’mon.” He led her to the bathroom, grabbed her a towel and showed her where everything was. “You want some clothes?” he asked, rubbing his hands up and down her arms while looking at her, his brow furrowed with worry. She nodded in response. “Wait here,” he whispered, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead. He rushed off to his room and grabbed one of his old Harley Davidson shirts, boxers, and basketball shorts. He came back and set the clothes next to the sink. “Do you need anything else?” he asked, sincerity in his tone.

She nodded. “Yeah,” she whispered. “Can you join me? I don’t wanna be alone.” It was clear by the look on her face and the tone of her voice that her intentions were pure.

“Of course, doll.” He whispered back in response.

As they stood under the stream of hot water, Nick washed Maeve’s hair. His fingers rubbed against her scalp in the most soothing way. Maeve’s eyes were closed as she allowed herself to get lost in his gentle touch.

“I’m sorry,” Nick whispered, just loud enough to be heard above the water hitting the tub.

“What for?” Maeve murmured, her eyes fluttering open.

He sighed. “I shouldn’t have left you alone. I should’ve come inside with you.”

She turned to face him, his fingers leaving her head as she did. “Don’t do that,” she sighed, her hands cupping his face. “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known.”

All Nick did was shrug in response.

“You saved my life anyway,” she told him, eyes welling up with tears again. “You had no idea what you were walking into and you still risked that to come save me.”

“Of course I did,” he murmured. “Why would I do anything else?”

“There’s not many people out there that would’ve done that,” she said softly, stroking his cheek with her thumb. She leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Thank you.”

[enemiestolovershoe]

i‘m sick atm so i will post my next post a little later than planned.

Fell free to request as much as you want I need ideas :)

People I currently write for are under the cut

† Johnnie Guilbert

† Sam Golbach

† Colby Brock

† Matt Sturniolo

† Chris Sturniolo

† Nick Sturniolo (bsf only)

† Oli Sykes

† Noah Sebastian

† Nick Folio

[roycevelvet]

Darkness at the heart of my love

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x reader Warnings: none Notes: again, don't know where this is going, many ideas, never an ending hihi. Also, listen to this song, it was my muse for this thing/chapter whatever you wanna call it lol.

You traced the faded design on your chipped nail polish, lost in memories of a summer filled with his laughter and stolen kisses. It seemed like ages ago, those sunny days when his voice was always there, comforting and familiar. Now, as you waited for him to answer the phone, you couldn't help but feel the weight of all that had shifted.

"Hey, babe" Noah's voice finally rasped through the phone, heavy with sleep. It was the first time you'd heard from him in days.

"Hey" you forced a smile. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me."

He chuckled, but it lacked its usual warmth. "Sorry, busy week. Soundchecks, interviews, you know...”

You bit your lip, pushing down the familiar pang of loneliness. "Yeah, I figured," you mumbled. You weren't sure if you were more hurt by the missed calls or the casual dismissal of your absence, like he hadn't missed you at all.

The silence stretched, thick with unspoken emotions. Finally, you gathered your courage. "So, when do you think we can have a proper talk? It’s been a while since, you know, we’ve had an actual conversation that lasted longer than 5 minutes.”

"Honestly, (Y/N), it's been crazy. I don't know when things will settle down."

The truth stung. You knew it wasn't just the tour schedule anymore. He wasn't making the effort, and your once vibrant connection felt like a fading radio signal, distorted and barely there.

"Okay," you said, your voice cracking slightly. "I understand."

You ended the call quickly as you didn't want him to hear you cry. The quiet in your small apartment felt overwhelming, tears welled in your eyes. It made it hard to see as you scrolled through X.

Among the bright lights and pictures of concerts, there he was. Noah, laughing with a bunch of fans, his arm around a pretty blonde girl, her smile big and happy.

A wave of nausea washed over you. You knew, logically, that he was a celebrity, bound to interact with fans. But the sight of him so close to another woman, the intimacy of his touch, ignited a jealousy you hadn't anticipated.

It wasn't just jealousy, though. It was a deeper feeling of insecurity that had been bothering you for weeks. It ate away at your confidence, leaving you feeling empty inside. You started to wonder if you were just a temporary fix in his glamorous world when he came back home.

Every time Noah didn't respond to your messages or calls, it felt like a punch in the gut. You felt completely alone, like you were drowning in a sea of uncertainty, desperately clinging to the hope that Noah would throw you a lifeline.

But he never did. Instead, he brushed aside your attempts to share your feelings, making empty promises and offering half-hearted apologies. It felt like he didn't really care about you anymore, as if you didn't matter in the grand scheme of his busy life.

When you called, he was always laughing with someone in the background, always busy, always talking. Other times, he was tired, his voice heavy with exhaustion, or sleepy, his words slurred as he struggled to stay awake. But his attention was never one hundred percent on you. It was as if he existed in a world that never slowed down, a whirlwind that left little room for anything else, for anyone else.

One evening, as you sat alone, feeling sad and listening to music, how poetic. The lyrics of "Darkness at the Heart of My Love," the song you and Noah shared, echoed around the room. Now, the lyrics felt hollow, a cruel reminder of a love that couldn't survive the distance.

A bitter smile twisted your lips. The summer had died, taking your love with it. You finally understood Noah's silence. It wasn't just about the tour schedule; it was about him choosing a different path, a path that didn't include you.

The anger that had been simmering beneath finally boiled over. You grabbed your phone and dialed his number, your fingers trembling slightly. He answered after the first ring, his voice laced with surprise.

"Is that it, Noah?" you began, your voice surprisingly steady despite the storm raging within you. "Is this how it ends? With unanswered calls and texts and photos with girls who look like they stepped out of a magazine?"

The silence on the other end was heavy and suffocating. Noah was surprised by your sudden outburst, his usually quick response delayed as he struggled with your words. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Noah spoke.”I… I don't know what to say, (Y/N). It's not like that."

He sighed. Did he just fucking sigh at your words? This making you even angrier than you already were.

"Then what is it like, Noah?" you asked, raging. "Why do I feel like I'm always waiting for you, but you don’t seem to need me?”

There was a pause, a long silence again. And then, Noah's voice said “I’m sorry, (Y/N). I've been so caught up in everything... I didn't mean to make you feel this way."

His words made you feel hopeful at first. But then doubt crept in, whispering that maybe he did mean it to make you feel this way. After all, he had been practically ignoring you for weeks, so why would things suddenly change now?

"Tell me, Noah," you continued, your voice shaking slightly as you recite the lyrics of your shared song. "Does your love have a darkness? Does it run cold, deep, like the lyrics you so readily quote all the time?"

Noah's answer came quickly, his words rushing out. "No, (Y/N), it's not like that. I love you, I really do. But... I've been struggling with everything."

You listened, feeling a tug on your heart with each word he said. But even as he opened up about his struggles, you couldn't shake the lingering question: why hadn't he reached out to you sooner? Why had he left you feeling lost and alone, without any explanation?

"Goodbye, Noah," you said, the weight of the word crushing you as much as it crushed him.

You didn't wait for a response. You didn't need one. You ended the call, the silence on the other end told you everything you needed to know.

—

But the silence wouldn't last forever. Occasionally, you'd be brought back to reality by the harsh ringtone cutting through silence. Your heart would skip a beat, hoping it was Noah finally reaching out, but it was never Noah.

Everything seemed to remind you of him, yet you never felt lonelier. You couldn't help but wonder why Noah never bothered to reach out, not even once. Did you really mean that little to him? Were you really that disposable?

In the days after, you kept busy with work or watching Netflix late into the night, trying to avoid thinking about Noah. But he was always there, like a ghost in your thoughts.

You tried to find comfort in your usual daily routine, but it couldn't fill the emptiness. The coffee tasted bitter, hanging out with friends felt empty, and the nights felt long and lonely.

You tried to move on, exploring new things and even going on a few dates. But every new situationship felt like a weak copy of what you had with Noah. He had made a big impression on your heart, and no matter how much time passed or how far you went, you couldn't forget it.

Despite the hurt, there was a small shimmer of hope. You wished, deep down, that someday he would return, willing to fight for you. Though you felt really silly and stupid for even dare to think this way.

But even as you struggled with everything, life kept marching on. You started to find joy again in unexpected places, glimpses of happiness.

And slowly, ever so slowly, the ache in your heart began to simmer down. It didn't disappear entirely – you doubted it ever would – but it became more bearable, a constant companion rather than an overwhelming force.

You threw yourself into your passions, rediscovering the things that brought you joy before Noah had come crashing into your life. Music became your refuge once more, the melodies and lyrics you hadn't realized you'd been missing.

—

One evening, a couple of months later, you had a small gig at a nearby bar. It was a simple chance to share your songs with a small crowd which you really appreciated. 

The concert was fantastic, but you did feel kinda relieved when it ended. As you left the stage, still buzzing with adrenaline, you were met with cheers and applause from the small but enthusiastic crowd. Lottie and Taylor, your ever-supportive best friends, beaming with excitement.

“(Y/N), you were absolutely stunning out there!" Lottie exclaimed, pulling you into a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Seriously, (Y/N), that was incredible," Taylor chimed in, her voice filled with genuine admiration. "You absolutely smashed it!"

You smiled at your friends, feeling grateful for their constant support. Together, you moved through the crowd, settling into a cozy booth.

The air was filled with the scent of beer and the sound of people chatting and clinking glasses. Laughter and shared memories filled the air, recalling inside jokes and cherished memories.

They skillfully avoided mentioning Noah though, as they were fuming with him for how he had broken their best friend down to a shadow of herself. 

You were thankful for them, as they had been there since the start, helping you through the heartbreak.

As the night went on and the drinks kept coming, you got lost in the fun with your friends, forgetting about time and how much you had to drink. But just when you were starting to relax and enjoy the moment, you felt someone looking at you.

You turned around and saw Noah, his expression hard to figure out but somehow familiar. And in that quick moment, it was just the two of you, silently looking at each other. Everything else around you disappearing.

To be continued.