#and drive me to start looking shit up
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Tomorrow Is Election Day And I Am So Fucking Stressed
#marzi speaks#marzivents#hi folks. i haven’t been making much art lately. apologies! i want to be#unfortunately shit is Stressful in both my little world (i’m starting to get overwhelmed with my meds and refills and driving)#and on a broader more societal scale (if trump gets re-elected shit is going to go so fucking bad oh my god)#PLUS we’re in the It Gets Dark At 6PM Zone now#i think i’ve lowkey been catastrophizing a bit with all that’s been going on#i should probs look into those psych referrals my doctor gave me#she offered them bc the almost-dying earlier this year was Traumatic and i was showing signs of anxiety/depression#but i think they’ll just be helpful in general#god though i hate being on prescriptions. it feels like there’s a constant timer hanging over my head#refill these pills before this time so you don’t have to miss a day. woops! the pharmacy’s out of stock on this one#so you’ll have to come back at another less convenient time. fail to do so and the medication goes on hold#which requires a phone call where you speak to a Robot that may not understand the nuances of ur situation#grrrgh it sucks so bad. thankfully i refilled my prednisone the other day and have like 3 months’ worth now#and that’s the one i really can’t afford to miss bc steroid withdrawals could really fuck me up#but uggghhh i hate it. so much. bc it looms over me always#i hate keeping track of when i’ve taken my pills too. i keep a checklist for every day#so i remember what i have to take and if i’ve taken it#but god it sucks. i’m at the point where it’s basically routine now so i do it automatically#but i know if i stop monitoring i’m gonna forget if i’ve taken my steroid one day#and either double dose or skip the day. and that’ll fuck me up pretty good#anyways. hoping hoping hoping this election goes well bc idk if i can take it if our country tis of thee elects the fucking fascist#this one’s fine to rb. i think many of us share this sentiment lmao
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tiktokers be like “I am going to create the most beautiful, relaxing, aesthetically pleasing video ever, with gorgeous lighting, and deeply satisfying content”. …….. “and then I’m going to cut the video fifty thousand times in thirty seconds-”
#chatting tag#WHY. WHY. PLEASE.#I swear like every gifset I ever see that comes from tiktok is like the most gorgeous shit I’ve ever seen in my life#(specifically those videos of food that have really sunny lighting. OUGH that’s my SHIT)#but then EVERY TIME there’s like 5 cuts in every single individual gif. and it drives me crazy#don’t get me wrong they are good gifsets and it is not the gif makers fault. and obviously I know why the tiktok makers do that#bc there’s such a short time limit on the videos and they want to keep their attention and what not#but I swear to god they will make cuts that are SO FUCKING UNNECESSARY like just cutting literal milliseconds out of a satisfying shot.#which makes it no longer as satisfying. why. why do you do this to me.#listen I just have this secret rule that I never use gifs that have any cuts in them at all in my boards#unless they’re like really really nice. but even then like only two cuts max or I go crazy. I don’t like how weird and choppy it looks!!!!#so then like all of the prettiest gifs ever. I can’t use. BC THERES SO MANY GIDDAMN CUTS#like there’s so many videos I’d want to make gifs of but you can’t even get like a millisecond long gif out of it without including cuts 😭😭#ugh. anyways. that was my unnecessarily petty and extensive rant that I’ve just been holding in for a while. sorry.#also sorry but the other thing that bothers me is that stupid logo taking up half the gif.#one of my othe hyper specific secret rules is that I cannot use any gif that has a visible logo or watermark on it bc it drives me nuts#and like. not to rag on gif makers. bc gif makers are the most wondrous thing in the entire world and everything they do is great.#but I DO know a REALLLYYY easy way to download TikTok’s without the watermark it’s so simple it would take like two seconds. please. for me#just look up tiktok video downloader there’s like four good functional websites immediately. it’s so easy#let’s all start doing this pls we could make the most perfect gifsets ever without that ugly ass logo#(again not mad at gifmakers. I love u gifmakers. muah.)
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
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it happened so early in the morning and i am STILL frothing with rage over this text my boss sent me
#unreasonable unbelievable targeting me bullshit like what is your problem what is your PROBLEM#are you punishing me preemptively for telling you i'm going back to school? LOL? cuz sure That makes me wanna stay!#i am splitting so viciously on her right now and i can't even care to wish i wasn't#this was the last fucking straw mentally for me on Trusting This Boss#and i sure as shit can't trust the one above her#i am soooo mad i am so mad i am so mad i am so mad#i just want to be transferred out already and start part time work somewhere else NOW#if i can leave earlier i fucking will#i will be without insurance for a bit but i can try to get on some fast#i just. ooh! ooooh!!!! you little fucker!!!!!!!!#i cannot trust a single person in the front of the building anymore#and i have to sit next to my least favorite person in the back now#and i am just. utterly miserable right now i am Miserable at this job that isn't even as bad as it could be#but holy shit the petty condescending bullshit is driving me fucking up the wall#i can't look at any of them!!!! without feeling intense hatred!!!!#i have no social life outside of work and i can't talk to ANYONE there about this because it'd just find its way back to her!!!!#i can't tell HR because it's not that serious! except it's driving my mental health into a tailspin!#but i still can't tell anyone!!!!!!!! because what proof do i have that she's singling me out!#even tho she has NEVER FUCKING DONE THIS TO OR ABOUT OTHER PPL#i can't Prove that and i sure as shit can't sit down with her and talk to her about my feelings#no job is ever fucking safe to do that in#i just want to walk into a river honestly like i need work so i can pay for college but i wanna be in college already and be Out of here#i just wanna skip to the END of college when i'm actually able to be a nurse and i can feel less like the butt monkey at work#i hate hate HATE being at the bottom of the totem pole i am literally nothing there even though they need me to function#but oh my gd the Looks people give me when i walk in a room like they expect bad news or to be annoyed#sorry for asking questions! would you rather i fuck up and you have to clean up the mess?#i clean up everyone else's messes all day!#they ARE going to feel it when i am not there anymore#you'd think they wouldn't be such cunts to me now but Nope. nope! almost All cunts.#i am so fucking angry at my boss in particular though that text fucking triggered rage i haven't felt in months
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why do i kinda feel like taking piano lessons all of a sudden.
#splootspeaks#WHAT IS GOIN ON.#brain so understimulated it's looking for all this random shit to do. never thought i'd say this but i need classes tp start or i might#end up goign insane in my bedroom n relapsing. also our kitchen is being renovated and the co struction is DRIVING ME CRAZY#ahem. anyway. what do ppl usually learn in piano lessons anyway#how much of it is note reading. how much of it is drilling the movements into ur muscle memory. how much of it is music theory.#WHY DO I SUDDENLY WANT TO TAKE PIANO LESSONS#eEEEAAARGHH THIS IS SO OUT OF NOWHERE N IT FEELS SO WEEIRDDD GRRHHRGRHRHNGHHH
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I have the app for our store bc I get my meds through work on my phone and they announce every fucking sale like "$8,000 in SAVINGS!" and show every fucking item and every time I get that push notification I go "you shut your whore mouth and stop telling them ab that" gsgsgdgdg
Then I scour the online ad to make sure I don't have a gazillion sale items on there. Got lucky this time 😏 there's like just baby shit listed and it's two items, I don't even think they're on sale, just like "look what you can buy!" But still shut up stop telling people we have sales 😭 go away
#marquilla#i know why they market it the way they do and if i was just a customer i could see being like oh well let me look and see!#but i HATE sales items so so much bc then i run out of popular sizes and people get mad and ask if we have more and it's like shop online#then idk what to fucking tell you the company only sent us like two size 7s per box and other people have size 7 kids go the fuck away 😭#in the pjs they always short me size 7 and it drives me insane bc ill get like 5 size 8s per box that no one wants and a million size 2s but#god forbid they give me enough 4s or 7s 🙄 and they're UGLY whdgdgdggdg like the winter boy ones are in and so so ugly#or like Leevies (i fuck up the brand names to not get corp attention sggdggd im paranoid okay plus its funny like Sharter's) only sends me#a small handful of size 8s and 16s and ofc those are the most popular and a million size 6 and 7s (lol)#like fuckers give me equal amounts per size ya fuck heads#oh and dont get me started on the toddler shit that goes to size 5. they always give like ONE size 5 per goddamn box. ONE! assholes#anyways im just glad i dont have any items on sale bc im in clearance hell rn and ive had enough of 'A SALE?! I MUST DESTROY THIS TABLE!'#fuckers like look with your eyes not with your hands and for the love of fucking god stop opening shit
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😳
#lucid dreaming is the most epic and teriffying thing sometimes#I've been building it up over the years and i feel like im getting to that point where when i feel that space between sleep and alertness#i can push myself into whatever is happening and mostly be in control#for me it literally feels like im walking through a heavy veil#like that tingling static you feel when your foot falls asleep#its like you're detaching from your body and going somewhere else#i can't pick how my dream turns out i kind of just walk through and deal with whatever I'm dealing with#earlier while napping i did it and i was like in my 50s or so checked my mirror and saw my wrinkles then i went out to my car#lived somewhere else entirely and i get in the car and im going down the highway and I'm in the left lane going the speed limit and this#older guy with curlyish white hair and a peppered beard black sunglasses and a white dress shirt is driving a convertible#and he looks over at me and gets pissed that im “trying to pass him” and proceeds to try and run me off the road#my car starts to begin to flip i can feel this whoosh of air in my face and hair and right before i start tumbling i shoot up from bed#like ive had an exorcism and my hearts going like 90 bpm#it felt so real like you couldn't distinguish if it was a dream even if you tried hard enough#touch taste sight smell its all there#i stg for me lucid dreaming feels like im highjacking the bodies of alternative mes in the universe and using them as temp avatars#to experience some weird shit#lmao 😂#I don't have apnea or anything else like that so not worried there#but shit man#these have been getting pretty intense over the last few months as ive gotten better at it#ted talk info dump#no magenta here#i feel like i need a safe word for these types of posts#magenta has already taken the mantle of complaining/venting
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girl at centre complaining about having to "stretch" her money until she gets her next disability payment (her grandparents also give her money regularly) and she goes "i'm going to have to order the cheapest option on the menu at [sushi place]!" and i just sit there with my eye twitching bc i have recently had to stop buying cereal bc its too expensive. cereal is literally my second favourite food of all time. i want to cry, i want to bang my head against the wall. also another person who goes to the centre stayed at the psych ward ONCE and they filled out all the paperwork to get her onto disability without her even having to ask for that, and i've stayed there TWICE and they've never even mentioned that being a thing they could do for me,,,,,, i want ! to kms ! sorry !
#the first girl also regularly buys DQ for lunch. and goes out for dinner often.#she only started talking about money stuff since i mentioned once rly awkwardly that i couldnt afford to get dq lunch w her#and ever since then she has just. been trying so hard to talk about how hard she has it financially#she doesnt pay rent. she doesnt buy groceries. she buys plushies and cross-stitch kits every few days. i am so fucking mad tbh!!!#god i wish that were me !!!!! i fucking wish that were me !!!!!!!#i get so stressed over my grocery bill each week even though i tend to keep it to <$50 that i cry when i look at the flyer for sales lmfao#(50 cad is 36 usd)#and i am so well aware that i have it good compared to some other ppl. thats why i do not talk about this shit around others irl lmao#idk what to do bc she is just driving me up a fucking wall. do not complain to me bc i have zero sympathy for u lol#u have walking around money. u have ''little treat'' money. u have money to buy tasty food and toys.#i do not. and i am struggling to make myself buy groceries bc i am scared shitless seeing my bank account keep ticking down#i will be starting the application process for welfare at the end of this month though (had to wait for some stuff to process properly)#so ... hopefully i can get onto that and then move onto applying for disability. stupid fucking shitty system!#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#suicide mention
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#This shouldn't be a surprise but seriously no one actually cares about my survival yes I've asked for help why would I get help#I'm functionally nocturnal and I keep staying up for like 48 hours and then sleeping for a day and I never know where I am#Or what day it is or if it's morning or night#Normal humans eat three meals a day and snacks right I think I maybe eat a snack every other day#I just don't feel hunger and my body hurts and cooking is so much effort I don't have#Weed used to help me be able to eat easily but now everything is just so hard and no food in house n cant go to store bc of ptsd too scary#I keep telling people when they ask that I am doing badly and need help but they as always just tell me to go to the store and buy food#Because it should be easy for a normal person!!! That would be such helpful and kind advice if I were normal#But I am not I am severely sick and traumatized and driving hurts so bad and stores give me panic attacks#Seriously if literally nobody cares about my struggling why not just be euthanized at this point?#This problem is so inconvenient to everyone and I have done all I can to convince people that I'm worth the inconvenience but :(#If I were worth talking to or visiting or helping people would have done that and I would be fine but I am not and that's okay#I genuinely don't mind being a husk at all#I'm just weirdly sad about it right now maybe because I think I feel hungry but genuinely I can't tell thanks autism#I also haven't been able to do my t shot in like three or four weeks I keep trying but I literally can't get the needle in :((#I imagine less testosterone in my system also makes me tired and lose my appetite#I'm so fucked up and nobody cares that I start my day at 8pm and am active and reply to emails and shit at 4am#Why would anyone notice that first of all but still. I would notice.#When even strangers are struggling I notice and I will do anything for anyone but it's selfish upon selfish to expect it back I understand#I keep looking for arfid and ed affirmations to help me but I can't find anything good#Genuinely . what the fuck#Just fucking need to be someone's dog feed me walk me put me in a cage teach me how to be better and treat me like I don't know shit#Because I don't I'm so stupid I can't even feed myself I'm dying please help me
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What are you talking about. Exactly zero of these things are essentials
#i hate new cars sm man 😭#i cant even afford a car payment rn but i know i need to get a new car asap#bc my 11 year old ford exploder keeps having parts fail on me and also theres a concerning rust issue going on#so im looking into car options a lil bit so i can maybe get an idea of whats out there#once im done with my payments on like braces and other stuff and hopefully have a bit more wiggle room#and i was already not liking the idea of looking at New new cars bc like#i want buttons man. i dont want some touch screen bullshit thats gonna distract me while im driving you know?#i got spoiled with my 2003 and im worried what its gonna be like if i have to get a New car#so im looking into new car options for literally 5 seconds and immediately find this#'well the interior is made out of shitty fabric but at least it has essentials like [things i absolutely dont need or even want] :D'#like. everything there is completely unnecessary. and fucking ALEXA??#why would i want muskrat to be able to spy on me while im driving. wtf is this bullshit#maybe ill just need to look into used cars specifically but its always such a crapshoot#last time i bought a used car secondhand i ended up with something that broke down literally two days after i bought it#(only reason my current car was good when i got it was bc i bought it from my grandma)#i guess maybe a used car dealership might be better bc then at least i would have some accountability if they sell me something shit?#but i dont even know where to start looking when it comes to finding a used car that i would like...#and i dont exactly just wanna walk into a dealership clueless to see what they have there. i wanna be prepared so they cant fuck with me#idk. still gonna be a while until i can get to that point anyway#rambling#edit: just realized alexa is bezos not musk. but fuck em both i dont care. two heads of the same hydra
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If anybody wants an update on the precariously-close-to-failed democracy of Ohio, the Republican supermajority is attempting to keep the sitting president off of the November ballot on a technicality they created (and have previously bypassed when convenient).
These are the same people that tried everything in their power to keep an abortion initiative off the ballot despite swearing up and down it wouldn't pass anyway because they totally represent the average Ohioan's opinion on this matter so they KNOW Ohioans are against abortion, and when the measure DID get put on the ballot and Ohioans DID vote to protect abortion, they immediately said "This isn't over," because fuck the people's will.
I've said it before and I will continue to scream it until I'm red in the fucking face:
One party isn't perfect, but they have shown they value the most basic tenets of representative democracy.
The other party is pulling out all the stops to ensure we are a "democracy" in theory only.
#btw some of the worst republicans in the nation (tho not the most outrageous) are from ohio#before roe v wade was even being challenged every small town and conservative city#was starting to pass legislation banning it#'in the event' rvw was overturned#some of the shadiest most corrupt conservative politicians outside of texas are in ohio#and they are constantly overlooked bc 'it's ohio who cares'#despite being the 7th most populous state in the country it feels like almost no one ever acknowledges the fucked up shit that happens ther#it is extremely frustrating#i was crying on the phone to my bf once venting abt the shit i was seeing and hearing re:abortion#bc i genuinely believed (and still do) there was no way so many conservatives would start passing such bans#all at the SAME TIME#if they didnt have word that something was going on. that SOMEONE behind closes doors had hinted at something.#and i was told i was being paranoid. there's no way it wld be overturned.#that's what a bunch of blue state motherfuckers kept saying#and look what happened#and now these same blue state motherfuckers say they dont have/want to vote for biden#and it drives me insane#bc the kind of conservatives that have taken over ohio love that rhetoric.#and maybe this is bc im from a red state but i CANNOT STAND you stipid motherfuckers that take shit for granted#voting is the absolute bare minimum#when you dont do it and promote voter apathy#these are the peoppe you're letting win#and frankly giving in to voter apathy bc ur in a 'safe' blue state is despicable to me#bc ur potentially spreading that apathy to states that need voters that ARENT Christian fascists to get out and vote#and the onyl thing keeping some of the more despicable red governments in our country in check rn#WHETHER YOU WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT OR NOT#is Biden's administration#they are NOT equal and if you are genuonely making that argument im not being nice anymore u just have shit for brains#youve spent too much time engaging in rhetoric on the internet and have officially lost touch with reality#im.on mobile so I'm not fixing the typos in my tags fuck you
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Was blocking a blog and saw they rbed some dumbass terf post abt the sancticity and anti-patriarchy victory of womens sports whatever whatever point is there were a few lines about rugby in it and. It was so instantaneously obvious that the poster didnt know shit abt rugby it was truly hilarious. And also keep rugbys name out of your mouth if anyone on my rugby team met you they would kick your ass
#''womens sports are a great place for lgb solidarity'' terf vs ''oh yeah we dont have any transfems on the team at the moment but#we play both with and against lots of trans women at Bingham (international rugby cup) every year. btw do you want trans pride flag colored#team socks?''#which is. a genuine convo i had with a woman on my team#LGB no T? in womans rugby?? bitch the international gay rugby league is vocally and enthusiastically trans inclusive. die mad abt it#i just. oh my god#yeah rugby canada has shitty transphobic rules but the 'womens sports is the place for lgb solidarity (ie transphobia)'#bit. being next to RUGBY is driving me insane#like the equity VP started telling me the names of famous transfem rugby players i should follow on instagram#also im focusing on transfem stuff here bc thats like. the main target of this type of shit#but need i even mention the amt of nonbinary/genderqueer/potentially transmasc-dyke type people on the wolves W+ team. like holy shit#anyways i hope the op of that post shows up to a gay womens rugby practice looking for some transphobic lgb solidarity#and gets her ass absolutely handed to her#my teammates are down to fight!! they explicitly said so!!!#anyways. yeah.#my shit
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hey y'all, anyone have any good stress relief tehniques or habits they'd like to share cuz I've been more stressed in the last 3 weeks then I was in the last 6 months
#to cut the long story short my mom had to sell the old house cuz her broke ass couldnt afford to keep it up#eventho it is a whole ass hoarders house and was in shambles with a flooded basement a collapsing ceiling in at least 2 rooms plus mold#and the stench a dirt and dog piss and shit all over the floor really made it worse then it was#but yeah so shes been staying with me and my grandma and its been awful#she hasnt been taking any of the medicine the doctors gave her when she snapped and started a fight and also started screaming at neighbour#so shes been terrorizing us here while the house has become her second hoarders den since she dragged so much crap here#my backyard side entrance and front porch are full of her shit and my grandma hates it since she can barely step into the house#so since she kept looking for places way out of her budget i had to go do house hunting since my useless sister is busy getting lit again#so ive been showing her shit in her price range that was under 420k cuz im not a moron who looks at 800k homes when i have 570k#and each time she has a new complaint saying its too expenive or its too small or its too old when she said she wants to do renovations#but shes saying she wants to renovate a newly renovated place instead of an old one#so i just showed her a house near my sisters uni and she liked the inside & backyard but she complained that 400k for newly renovated 3 bed#that is literally a 9 minute drive from my sisters uni is too expensive when shes the one who was looking at an old ass unrenovated bungalo#that is a street over from us that is 800k and she says it looks like garbage cuz an old lady previously owned it before dying#like no shit it looks old cuz older people lived those decades and like it and she just keeps doing her bullshit again & again#cuz when i tell you her mind is gone i mean it is GONE and she starts up all these wild stories to just explain some shit#like something goes missing? the neighbours are hungarian and stole it and left the hoard of junk in her old house#she has more stupid stories to harass and stress us out with but if im gonna share that ill have to write a book about it cuz fuck#and you know its bad when no one else can stand being in any contact with her cuz she starts screaming at people about it#so the only one who even likes her anymore is my sister and thats cuz shes deep in denial about just how insane she is & how abusive she is#so yeah i need some stress relief help that maybe isnt constantly hitting up maryjane cuz i dont do weed often especially since shes here#cuz weed 'burns your brain & makes you crazy like this' when shes the only one whos ever infuriated me to astronimical levels#i know retail therapy helped before she came here but i dont want to keep spending money i dont really have#it would be great tho but shes refusing to give me the 70k she said was mine from the house sale so i can cut her out for good
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im actually seething i hate my coworkers
#this dumb shit who was driving s forklift just had to pause right in front of the printer everyone uses to have a conversation with someone#and when he FINALLY decided to move he got surprised by someone showing up in front of him#and started backing up without looking first if someones behind him#(me i was behind him waiting to get to the fucking printer)
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imsoo normal about guys byw
#sprry this is the start of my downfall im actually going to theow up and vomit and die#fronting daily actually sucks!and i have no restraint on my curiiusity and i have to figure shit out and i literally want to die#cause like i found out shit i didnt want to and its entirely my fault too bro i cant even be upset cause i went looking for it ughhh#i should be allowed to die afterschool so i dont have to feel anything else tbh thatd be a pleasure great thing whwatever#this is genuinelky the repeat of my downfall again literally september all over again and its just march jesus fucking fhrist bro need todi#the nervous system is so dumb what is ooottfvgvsh or whagevr i hate that dumbass acronym i hate healrhcare#serenity save me 🙏 save me serenity 🙏 come home#everyone keeps sayng that but qith donald trump#anyway back to me i need to scream and not just to serenity cause i feel bad🤭 no emojis are tood enougu anymore bro im going to kms#killing myself so fucking hard like a vampire driving a stake through his heart sort of shit ykwim like a siren drowning ro sokething poeti#save me sid 🙏 sid save me actually hed laugh at me for hthis lowkey which is soo deserved cause real bro why am i breaking down at midnight#on a dchool day too bro again and again i dont want to go to mf schooll and be obsessed w k. hes fine but i genuinely cant do my work#lowkey would iet be weird to talk to my ex ab my relationship with him cause like yea i miss him ykwim and i need closure but i got a crush#cause like on one hand its like i was the one who brokenup ykwim like even if the circumstances werewei4d whatever its like why would i hav#the right to even bring it up and i alr crushed on a new guy and like ignoring the uguult i do like him ughh broni want to kms#i love love i just dont love lvoe for myself cause ugh bro i hare one guy idc ab his crushes but he made me hear ab them lke idc idek him#sorry u had a bad experience w bi girls like idk what u want me to say ??? surprise me too ??? tff ugh i hate love girls#i need a gf but the thoigjt of liking a girl genuinely deeply scares me to my core cause i like girls but ppl dont like that i do ykwim#all mu friends are fucking gay bro idek why im so worried ab liking girls like who is there to disappoint but myself and my entire family#noo pressure qt all being oldest and queerest like ok yeah its midnight happy new years. i need this blanket tobsuffocste me#sleep wrappedup alr like a borito burito i dek and its not enoughh i need a soul crushing embrafe to sleep#ok im done i got post vent clarity i need to sleep#post#erics tag#delete later#serenity needs this as a ref in the morning#i beed my mom to cry to but j cant tell her any of this id rather be eaten alive by bugsbro and if i just cry to her without a reason#shell fs go througj my phone and fimd out why anyway so wjats the pointtt my god i tqlk too much and vent too much#gota flair forbthe dramatics ivguess mb
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