#and dream me was desperately hoping i was dreaming (very meta)

[aspoonofsugar]

Hi! Can you analyse "More Than Anything" from HH?

Hi!

Sure! More Than Anything is actually my favourite song of season 1! It is so sweet and very loaded thematically and character-wise!

I have briefly talked about it in this meta, but here it comes a deeper analysis!

LUCIFER AND CHARLIE: DREAMING OF LOVE

More Than Anything has two main themes that come together in Lucifer and Charlie's relationship:

Love

Dreams

The father-daughter bond is rooted in both. Specifically, they express love through dreams. Or if you prefer, they dream of love.

This is explored in the first two stanzas.

Firstly, Lucifer explains that his dreams were broken:

You didn't know that when I tried this all before My dreams were too hard to defend And in the end, I won't lose it all again

And that Charlie is now the only dream left, which is why he will protect her:

Now you're the only thing worth fighting for More than anything, more than anything I'll shelter and adore you more than anything

Charlie replies that it was Lucifer who inspired her dreams:

So in the end, it's the view I had of you That showed me dreams can be worth fighting for

And adds that her dream is for her people to be safe:

More than anything, more than anything I need to save my people more than anything

So, father and daughter are the opposite and the same.

On the one hand Lucifer believes fighting for dreams isn't worth it (my dreams were too hard to defend). On the other hand Charlie insists that it is (dreams can be worth fighting for). At the same time, Lucifer dreams of protecting (loving) Charlie, whereas Charlie dreams of protecting (loving) all her people. Desperation and microchosm vs hope and macrochosm. This is the root of Lucifer and Charlie's foiling at the beginning of the song. How does this juxtaposition develop? Let's go deeper by exploring some imagery present in the song.

LIGHT AND SHADOW

More Than Anything uses a light/shadow motif to express the two main themes:

Love (1): lights and shadows comment Lucifer and Charlie's bond. They both have been hiding parts of themselves (shadow), but throughout the song they show their true selves (light)

Dreams (2): light is a metaphor of dreams and of how the characters relate to them

1- More than Anything starts with Lucifer and Charlie distant and in the shadows.

They are repressing a lot and have no idea who the other is. Still, as the song goes on, they get to understand each other:

All that I'm hopin',now that my eyes are open Is that we can start again, not be pulled apart again 'Cause in the end, you are part of who I am

And in the end they embrace in the light.

What is initially in the shadow comes to light. So, Lucifer and Charlie see each other for who they are.

2- Lucifer mentions his past dreams and summons light. However, he throws it away because he has given up on his ideals:

Charlie hurries to pick the light up, just like she is pursuing Lucifer's discarded beliefs with her Hazbin Hotel project. Still, Lucifer stops her and holds her hands. His daughter is his new dream and he is ready to throw everything away, if he can protect her.

This resolution is highlighted in the next sequence:

Lucifer remembers the Elders of Heaven attacking him, then he imagines their weapons pointed at Charlie. Out of fear he drags her away. What's interesting is that Charlie is targeted when she stands in the light, while the moment Lucifer pulls her to safety, she steps into the shadows. The meaning is clear. Lucifer fears that if Charlie takes the spotlight, she will attract Heaven's anger. So, he wants her hidden and sheltered in the shadows. Just like a child. This is why his hug is sweet, but also suffocating:

Charlie wants a different kind of love. She needs the father who inspired her with dreams and stories. Specifically, Charlie remembers a light show Lucifer put up for her on the spot:

This scene is key and it combines the light/shadow symbolism with another motif.

THE UGLY DUCKLING

In their flashback, Lucifer tells Charlie a fairy tale by using light as a medium. The story itself is pretty obvious:

I never dreamed of so much happiness when I was the Ugly Duckling!

A little duck swims in a pool of water, but suddenly grows into a beautiful swan. Lucifer's Ugly Duckling is a metaphor of his situation, as the swan has six seraphim wings and shines at the centre of the universe. Specifically, Lucifer's fairy tale is the inversion of his own story.

Lucifer used to be a beautiful seraphim, but fell from Heaven and lost his family (the angels). He is now stuck in Hell, as a little duck:

Lucifer: Now presenting… the magic-tastical back flipping rubber duck! Haha! That spits fire!

Oh look! Lucifer himself is a magic-tastical duck, who spits fire :P

So, his fairy tale gives a happy ending to his own tragedy. It is a wish. A dream. It indirectly shows how Lucifer has been handling pain and misery by creating. It also suggests that Lucifer puts himself at the centre of his dreams. He is the ugly duckling.

At the same time, Charlie's narration tells us about herself and how she sees her father.

When I was young, I didn't really know you at all I always felt so small But I hеard your stories and I was enthralled Thе tales about your lofty dreams, I listened breathlessly Imagining it could be me

First of all, Charlie states she never knew who her father was. It is implied Lucifer kept his distance because of depression:

Charlie: We just have never been close. After he and mom split, he never really wanted to see me. He calls, sometimes, but only if he's bored or like needs me to do something.

This is highlighted in Charlie's memory too, as Lucifer appears in a dark study room. Not only that, but he is in the spotlight, while Charlie is in the shadow, which is a metaphor of how she felt distant from him:

Still, Lucifer embraces little Charlie and shows her some light. He reveals a caring and idealistic self that Charlie is initially unaware of. And this version of Lucifer inspires his daughter.

This affirms that Lucifer's dreams aren't useless. Sure, they are left unfulfilled, but they still motivate Charlie. They are why Charlie is who she is. Moreover, Charlie is enchanted by a simple story, not a big manifestation of power. It isn't a theme park or a circus or human free will. It is a short fairy tale Lucifer comes up with in a matter of seconds. No matter how small, a dream always touches dreamers.

Secondly, Charlie sees herself as the protagonist of the story. She wants to be at the centre of her father's universe and to make him proud. Well, Charlie is going to do exactly this. She is Lucifer's dream. She will fulfill his ambitions. She is turning into a beautiful swan.

Lucifer's arc starts when he understands this:

I've been dyin' to find out who you are I've been waiting, wanting the same thing Looks like the apple doesn't fall far Took you a while I've missed that smile

The King of Hell has been stuck in his own head, consumed by his depression. This is why he is initially alone and surrounded by mediocre rubber ducks. He can't create anything new because he is too focused on himself. The moment he opens his eyes and looks at Charlie, he finds hope again:

I'll support your dream, whatever lies in store And who could ask for more?

Charlie is his new dream, so he should do his best to help her become who she has the potential to be.

When Charlie is a child, Lucifer tells her a story, where he himself is the protagonist. Now that Charlie is an adult, Lucifer must accept Charlie is the protagonist of her own story. And he must help turning this story into reality. This will be his greatest creation. A duckling becoming a swan. A daughter growing-up.

PASSING THE TORCH

This frame has Lucifer:

Use his light again

Spread his wings

He starts the song by throwing his light away, but ends it by summoning a bigger and brighter torch. Similarly, he starts the episode making rubber ducks out of depression, but ends it with beautiful swan wings.

This metamorphosis happens because Lucifer isn't putting himself at the centre of the universe anymore. Rather, Charlie is his universe.

Lucifer creates a pocket-dimension, which is a bigger version of the fairy-tale of the flashback and has Charlie be its protagonist. He has her play with water, like the little duckling:

And has her fly at the centre of the scene like the swan:

In this scene, he gives her the spotlight, both in how he exits the frame and in how he has the light follow her. Charlie is the swan shining brightly at the centre of Lucifer's world (the circus).

More Than Anything starts with Lucifer desperate and focused on the microchosm. It ends with him finding hope in Charlie, who becomes the key to a bigger and more beautiful reality.

Lucifer's biggest success is that he gave birth to Charlie and showed her the light (dreams), even when he himself felt engulfed by the darkness (hell).

[brucewaynehater101]

Running over here to give an idea spawned from binging Pretty Cure transformations

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The Drakes uncover artifacts on land once owned by their very own ancestors, to which they are the closest related descendents of

This gives them the absolute rights to distribution, and considering they spend less time with Tim than desirable, it's gifted to their boy in hopes of bonding with him through their ancestry

The last thing Tim expected upon opening the vintage birdcage was for the perch to swing and the sudden appearance of an bearded vulture flying out and soaring all over the room

Even stranger? The bird looked like it came out of a painting, from the brushstrokes to the exaggerated colors, like, its feathers were a wine red instead of red-orange one would expect

Oh, and the cheering—"Free! I'm free! Child, did you free me from my prison? Splendid! Spendid! I can cast revenge on those dastard Drakes at long last! Long last!"

Unfortunately for birdie here, they've been imprisoned for so long that any Drakes who imprisoned them are long dead

Remaining descendents are all innocent in this conflict

"A shame, a shame indeed, but now that I no longer fear them, and you too are ignorant of why they did not pass down their evil, I should give thanks to you."

"Tell me your Deepest Dream, and I'll isee if we can fulfill it."

Introducing Mes'Dremere, a painting granted life by magics long ago

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I haven't developed quite a backstory, I'll leave it to you guys to brainstorm, but this vulture (they/them) isn't going to be having any beef with living Drakes since their sworn enemies died long ago

More trivia, their name is a blend of Mesmerize and Dream

They are far from the only magical being to slip through the cracks and go unknown for so long

Tim Drake, descended from a line with the power to ensnare one of Mes'Dremere's power, is a canary in the coalmine so to speak, seeing strange beings that appear to do nothing, but attach themselves to practically everyone, even Batman

And with every rogue attack, every act of corruption, and especially Arkham Breakouts they only grow more numerous

He can even photograph them

"This isn't my Deepest Dream, I still need to figure it out, but can you tell me if there's a monster on this man's head, or if I'm just hallucinating?"

"To think, to think, I would ever see such a thing again. My boy, an awful, awful evil has beat me here, such that it will cast this place into a greater despair than ever seen before, before."

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Hollowing Wish, entities as older than Mes'Dremere; they seek personhood, purpose, dreams and the will to go forward by feeding from unprotected and unsuspecting victims, so that they may finally end their everlasting hopelessness

But saying they are eating victims into depression isn't true. When someone, for example, expresses willpower, they release an energy the Hollowing Wish will then consume. A junk food compared to getting it from the source, right inside. It's not enough for them

Pursuing a fruitless path to ending their plights, Hollowing Wishes take but never give to even themselves, only continuing the ever downwards spiral

victims can include but are not exclusive to: people, animals, and objects granted oh so much love and care

Regarding the last one, objects have a dense core inside them of all the deeply held feelings towards them, whilst surrounding it are the passing feeling people have for it

In the rare case of a Wish attaching to a target for so long, the two will become one, becoming something that could be mistaken for a meta, alien or something else---this form is a Nightmare Awakening

they unleash their pain and greedily keep their happiness locked away in their head in a desperate bid to hold into the remains being sapped away from the brain---until the target is reduced to a hollowed husk with nothing left within

As for the Hollowing Wish? they fucjing combust since taking in joy fresh from the fruit pulp instead of the juice is more than they're built to contain, leading to surrounding area and beings being entrenched in brief happiness, and then an onslaught of magical despair until the magical despair in the area and people dries up over time

What is it that causes them to spawn? Who migrated here, bringing their anguish with them?

The Hollowing Wish is an extension of a will, a will in even greater despair---Praying For a Forever Demise

"To think it was a Forever Dream they prayed for long ago, but then, but then?"

"Their unending praying manifested into a terrible, terrible demise . . . a name so long is easier to call Praying. It too serves well enough in reminding us how we got here, does it not, does it not?"

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More tethered to the physical plane as one born into it, Tim is offered the power to become a hero himself, specialized to fight against the Hollowing Wishes

But he's just a fanboy! Wouldn't Batman or even Robin be better?

"Speaking from personal experience, he seems like far the man who would let these practices into his life, even with him having no other choice, no choice."

"Besides, besides, Robin must have his plate full, plate full. What better way to express your love for the Bats, than to ease their burdens, no matter how thankless, how thankless?"

"His own body can only go so far, hold so much, so much magic indeed."

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The streets have begun to talk of a boy . . .

"Magical Boy!" "Do you think Gotham is some kind of Sailor Moon episode?"

A boy without a mask yet crusading as the Bats do. Unrecognized like them; magic it must be

"I'm Dreaming of Robin," he says he is, "but I've never met Robin or Batman yet."

Colloquially, Dreaming Robin or Dream(s) Robin

He's found where the Bats won't be, putting a stop to crime, giving thankless aid, and other acts of public service

But stranger is that which he grants and insists people keep around their house for protection

Blank photographs that upon touch become depictions of the little things that grant a bit more joy

And less pressure on their shoulders

By Dreaming Robin's side is a vulture, a guardian calling themself Mes'Dremere

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Magical Boy Dreaming of Robin, Tim Drake. What does his arsenal hold? Listen Right Up!

[Materialized Eternity] is the ability to utilize photographs Tim takes by pouring his magic into his photos of choice

Say for example that Tim photographed Nightwing quadruple backflipping, a feat impossible for Drake

If Tim puts magic into that picture and he has it on his person, he will be able to reenact that quad-backflip just like Nightwing did, but doing so will drain the magic in the photo like a battery

After running out, the picture would need to be recharged on magic to be put to use again

That's just one way Tim can use the magic

[Lasting Photoshoot] the ability to pause time on entities and an area right after Tim takes a photo of for a short period of time

[Merry Memory] is the power to take a blank photograph and enchant it to protect people from magic by taking the image of something they love. It's Tim's go-to for defending people and himself from Hollowing Wishes

[Realization in Reach], Realization for short, is a magical staff and his primary weapon, as it can channel Tim's latent magical powers along with his gifted ones.

While feasible as a physical weapn, it gives Tim's magic more strength and a much wider area of effect. Emphasis on the more strength which Tim has to be careful about

[Forever Remember] is the power to photograph a Hollowing Wish that Tim defeats and thus seal them permanently within those photos

Photoed Wishes can be weaponized against other Wishes and Nightmares to make them fight for the same resources they crave. When weaponized wishes run dry, unlike Eternities, those Wishes effectively die and cease to exist

the photo becomes blank, and can picture something else

Tim also has safes with as much scientific and magical security employed, storing albums with Hollowing Wishes and Materialized Eternities to swap out 

Now for The Best Part yet!

"My Deepest Dream, I'll make you true!" A heirloom locket holding Tim's most precious photo of Robin he's ever taken, it is his chosen transformation item

(here's to hoping it never gets taken away due to that very picture within, because Tim won't be the only person fucked over by it)

As a rule of thumb, Dreaming Robin's outfit, his arsenal, and the photos he gives to protect against Hollowing Wishes all look like they came out of a painting, specifically what you get when googling "mystical painting"

Tim does learn some other magics that can be used to fight against Hollowing Wishes, Nightmare Awakenings and purify an area and people suffering the affereffects of a Hollowing Wish exploding and spreading their despair everywhere

Yeah Tim is gonna angst every time he fails to save a Nightmare Awakening before it's too late for them, poor him :(

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In unrelated news? Tim has himself a pet too well trained, yet several times proven unabused and pampered

American Robin Dreams Come True 'Dreams' who people swear came from a painting despite their vibrant feathers being so picturesque, and vibrantly red all naturally

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Gotham is yet again the source of insanity. That being strange monsters that abruptly show themselves to people before forcibly turning them into monsters

Thankfully, Dreaming of Robin always comes to save the day

Hollowing Wishes, he calls these monsters

Nightmare Awakenings, the victims are named

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Some extra deets

Haha depression go brrrr

Praying For a Forever Demise is like this due to how much anguish, and hollowness they hold, and the desire for joy they want &/or used to have

Maybe they got their depression all naturally, or maybe magical shenanigans lead to them possessing an ungodly amount of it inside of them idk, maybe a blend of both

But yeah, Praying is only going to put to a stop when help and empathy is placed in front of them, and the shot of a happy dream everlasting is finally in reach

Also uh, Praying isn't wholly aware of wtf is going on outside of their head as they stew in their despair, with the rare blips of hope provided by Hollowing Wishes

Their situation is similar to a powerful deity unaware of their godhood and untrained into their powers which need to actively be restrained, but that has evidently not happened

so yeah, they're unknowingly spreading their depression everywhere

Or maybe they have come to awareness that spreading Hollowing Wishes is what they're doing and have compartmentalized that, it doesn't stop their depression from being worse nor even more Wishes spawning but willful ignorance is intoxicating

idk how they traveled to Gotham either lol, but they're dead center in Arkham Asylum, and with it being the new source for Hollowing Wishes, its gonna became way, way worse than in canon

Also prior to being Praying For a Forever Demise, they were Praying For a Forever Dream, do with this knowledge what you will

Are other Drake artifacts magical as well? You decide!

For clarification, Tim's magical boy alias, "Dreaming of Robin" is maybe an accident where he just states that "yeah I dream of Robin, he's my hero" but people thought he was stating his name so it stuck

Or maybe he intentionally introduces himself like that for the symbolic name

Mes'Dremere employs a whitelist geass preventing people from finding out Tim is Dream Robin unless they're whitelisted

I'm thinking that Tim could accidentally snatch up future Waynes into his team, and under Mes' tutelage, Stephanie, Duke, Cassandra and maybe even Damian

I think Jason, after dying and reviving, and he alongside Damian due to the Lazarus Pits, would be especially vulnerable to Hollowing Wishes, so woof

Side note, I think Tim would offer Jason-as-Robin the chance to become a Magical Boy with him, only for him to decline and after resurrection thinking

"I should've taken the Magical Boy route when I had the chance," lmao

Idk if Tim would still become a Teen Titan here, but it'd be neat if all of the Young Justice core four and maybe more became/joined the magical boy & girl team

Since Arkham is a breeding ground of Hollowing Wishes, people there are the least likely to become Nightmare Awakenings since they all have countless Hollowing Wishes attached to them

that means several Wishes are fighting for resources against eachother to sap up expressed will/joy/accomplishments etc.

Because they're fighting over the same person, often dying in the process and others joining the fray in fighting over their victims, they often make little progress in making way to becoming Nightmare Awakenings

So yeah, where as Batman and the clan will be more focussed on their rogues, Tim is more worried about normies who are more likely to fall victim to Hollowing Wishes

That being said, he doesn't wanna see a rogue or bat become a Nightmare Awakening, so he gives them both tons of Merry Memories and get rid of as many Hollowing Wishes on them as he can

And he's rightfully afraid, all hell will break loose if they subcumb to Nightmarehood

Feel free but not pressured to expand on this as you all wish

A magical boy Tim AU? Hell yeah.

Some additional ideas to add:

Tim's outfit comes from the culture present at the time of when Mes'Dremere was imprisoned. Tim has absolutely no choice in this matter, which is an initial point of contention. However, it eventually becomes a point of pride and comfort

The culture is one specific to this AU (so there's no cultural appropriation). Similar to Atlantis, Krypton, and other lost societies, Tim starts to discover their practices, rituals, customs, etc when he's trying to connect to his roots (since it's also the culture of his ancestors).

Jason rejects becoming a magical boy because he's "a literature nerd, not that kind of nerd." Tim's a little offended by this, but they get over it quickly. Jason also grumbles when he gets the All Caste because he ended up becoming a magical boy anyways, just without the transformation scene.

There can be angst added where Jason says Robin is magic so he doesn't need to become a magical boy. Then Jason dies and ends up getting All Caste.

Tim ends up learning a lot about psychology as a nonmagical way to help people as well. If there are fewer depressive symptoms, there's less for the Hollowing Wishes to feed on. Also, mental health techniques/coping mechanisms can delay the progression into a Nightmare Awakening.

The YJ core don't end up becoming magical boys/girls except for Bart. They do team up, though, and Tim helps a lot in battles even when there aren't Hollowing Wishes.

Cass would definitely vibe with becoming a magical girl since there's no killing. She'd probably do both the magical girl routine and become a Bat cause she's awesome like that

Would Damian view the Wishes as creatures?

Tim is able to form a different type of friendship with Zatana, Raven, and Anita due to his magical status. He also likes to call up Constantine to bother the poor bastard (it's funny to him).

[orionsangel86]

I'm sorry but why do you ship them so hard? They just have 1 episode together.. I watched the sandman expecting destiel and it was literally almost nothing there. 1 episode. Idk how you guys got so much ship content out of that.

Ah nonny, I'm sorry but if you go into anything expecting Destiel you are gonna be dissappointed. Destiel is a behemouth of 12 years worth of gradually escalating gay subtext, queer coding, and romantic tropes. Destiel is the ship that people go into expecting that Tumblr exaggerated only to be blown away by how ridiculously gay it is even when it tries so hard not to be.

But remember, once upon a time people shipped Destiel after only a few moments of interaction. The first Destiel fic was written 30 minutes after Lazarus Rising aired...everything has its time.

When I joked that Dreamling was the "Destiel of Sandman fandom" I meant in terms of popularity compared to everything else about the show. The ships share some similar traits when compared on a grand scale - think ancient cosmic entity that has very strict rules slowly changes and starts to become more "human" thanks to their friendship with one dude who just so happens to be a hedonistic stubborn ass who refuses to die - but are otherwise very different.

But if you are wondering why people ship Dream and Hob so hard, well, this post goes some ways to explaining it.

But basically, look this may only be a half hour of television, but it doesn't equate in universe to half an hour of interaction. This half hour of television spans the course of 6 centuries for these two characters. There is a totally untapped potential hidden in the gaps between centuries to explore, and on top of that, the final meeting is left completely up to the imagination of the audience. Its a sandbox ship. Its a dozen fanfiction gaps laid on top of each other. It's at least 20 different prompts for fans to sink their teeth into. Its the potential. It's the what if.

Then on top of that, if you follow the comics, you know that the future Dream x Hob meetings also have a hell of a lot of potential to turn romantic. Dream going out of his way to hunt down a specific bottle of wine that doesn't exist on Earth anymore to gift it to Hob in his dreams, the very fact that he visits Hob in his dreams (hello common Destiel trope right there). They don't meet too many more times in the comics, but each time the tension is palpable. The meeting in the Kindly Ones is heartbreaking, because you can tell desperately how much they need each other at that moment, but they are both too distracted or consumed by grief and depression to truly reach out to one another. The comics never reveal why Dream sought Hob out at that point, but given everything happening to him at the time, its not hard to assume that Dream was seeking comfort from his friend - the only person he could really turn to for comfort at that point.

Then we have Hob's dream. One of the final stories in The Sandman original comic run. After everything else has happened, after the climax and all that takes place, after the smoke has cleared and you think everyone else has moved on and you are certain the ending is set in stone, you get to Hob's dream, and your mind is once again blown, and suddenly you have a thousand more questions. So many fans hopes and dreams rely on Hob's dream right now I can't even begin to express how important that particular comic issue is to me.

It's all about the potential. There is so much potential.

Plus the 30 minute scene we got was loaded full of subtext, romantic tropes, and queer coding. I dunno if you picked up on it, but I have an extremely long meta essay still in the works that goes through everything that 30 minute sequence gives us in terms of shipping fodder (I really need to finish that). Its not just the romantic tropes, the break up and make up, its the acting choices, the eye fucking, the freaking song choices in 1989 holy fuck could they be more on the nose.

Also, consider this thought experiment: Crowley and Aziraphale in Good Omens are a hugely popular ship, where their creator Neil Gaiman has confirmed that theirs is a love story. Whatever else you may believe about Crowley and Aziraphale, their story is a love story. Creator confirmed love story.

Now, Crowley and Aziraphale are the leads of Good Omens and interact throughout the entire 6 episode show. But consider the first half of episode 3. Imagine a version of Good Omens where Crowley and Aziraphale don't really interact outside of that 30 minute opening sequence. That the story was much more focused on the Them, the Horsemen, and the other characters. Imagine then seeing that 30 minute sequence which shows Crowley and Aziraphale slowly warming to each other and becoming friends over the centuries, shows them getting to know each other, do each other favours, come to each others defence, get into fights and break up with each other, only to make up later...

Would you still ship them? Even if that 30 minute sequence was all you got? I guarantee if I asked any Ineffable Husbands fan that question they would say yes. Because THAT 30 minute sequence is what solidifies the importance of their relationship and its what MAKES IT a love story.

Guess where Neil Gaiman got the idea for that 30 minute sequence in Good Omens from? Ah Neil, plagiarising his own work all these years later!

If Neil Gaiman thought that Men of Good Fortune would work well for a canonical love story in Good Omens, I wonder what he was thinking when he then adapted Men of Good Fortune for television?

THE POTENTIAL.

I ship Dreamling that hard because it has more potential than any other ship I have come across. It has 6 centuries and all the future of the Sandman show for me to explore, to tweak, to play with. Besides they just suit each other ya know? Like Dream is notoriously bad at relationships, but Hob is literally perfect for him. The more my mind dwells on how perfect Hob is for Dream the more I want to scream about it. Give the sad wet cat man a boyfriend who is literally his opposite in every way. Dream is a character looking for a reason to keep living, and Hob is a character who refuses to die. Dream is a pessimist, Hob is an optimist. Dream is afraid of change, Hob literally changes constantly with the times. Dream is desperate for love and someone to stay by his side, Hob just wants to love someone he doesn't have to eventually leave.

Let them meet in the middle.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Okay, a good amount of time has passed, and after having seen this post by @weretiger-be-my-horse , I've been turning it over and over in my brain going absolutely feral over this concept. I need to expand upon my thoughts on this idea and all the evidence there is pointing towards it, whether that be actual tangible things, or purely strong vibes I have.

First of all, full disclaimer: I did not like the season 5 finale, and how it wrapped up the DoA arc. To say that I "disliked" it is putting it extremely lightly, in fact -- I absolutely hated it, and I am still, to a degree, in disbelief that I actually even watched those 24 minutes with my own two eyes, and that it somehow wasn't a complete fever dream. While I'm not going to go in long-winded detail into all the ways that I feel like the finale almost completely bastardized all of its featured characters and destroyed any and all buildup we've had going on in this arc for 50 some chapters now, because that's not the main point of this post, I will not make any attempt to hide the fact that the theory-crafting I'm about to pose here is partly influenced and prompted by how much I hated the finale, and how much I desperately hope that it will not end up being manga canon. Therefore, if you enjoyed the finale — and that's fine! — and don't want to read any negativity about it, then I would not recommend reading any further (I mean, you've probably already left by this point, which is fair lol), While obviously it's important that I be as objective and unbiased as possible when explaining my thoughts, some of my negative feelings about the writing will be a part of this analysis, even if this isn't going to be a full-blown rant. Just know that if you proceed.

With that out of the way, let me continue.

So. In the aforementioned post, the theory presented is that the anime may be operating on an alternate timeline, and that this will become evident once we read the upcoming October chapter, wherein things will go completely differently post-chapter 110 than they do in the final episode — probably for the worse, with the s5 finale intending to lull us into a false sense of security and make us assume that everything in the manga arc finale will wrap up as smoothly and consequence-freely(? lol) as it did in the anime one. It also suggests that the Fukuchi we see at the very end that sskk are fighting came from the manga timeline, where he won, and that he used the Book to jump to a timeline where he lost, the anime one, proven by the fact that this Fukuchi is wearing a mask with the same design on it as the mask Fukuchi is wearing on the chapter 110 DoA color spread/title page.

First of all, I want to note the fact that it's not just the mask design that's the same: the entire outfit is roughly more or less the same as well. It's not completely 1-to-1, because the anime can never fully match the intricacies of Harukawa's beautiful outfit designs, and the Fukuchi in this scene has the kimono half-off because of the... super saiyan mode he's in, but most all of the main pieces of clothing are there. Any small inaccuracies could also be attributed to the fact that Harukawa probably didn't have this finalized art ready back when this episode was being made, so the animators wouldn't have had the complete design to work off of. But in general, because it's all so similar, I think we can quite confidently say that the ending episode Fukuchi is meant to be the one from this manga art.

Also, people have pointed this out, but it's worth mentioning that the mask Asagiri wore at Anime Expo in July was referencing this Fukuchi. It's not a crucial detail, but it just proves more that Asagiri is a gigantic fucking troll, and that he clearly wanted to draw attention to this Fukuchi design. It's important. He describes the mask here as made in the motif of an ellipses inside a speech bubble... could that perhaps be referencing meta aspects, like the Book?

Next, I want to talk about the even bigger elephant in the room, which to me is the most damning and undeniable piece of evidence there is of the anime operating on a completely separate timeline from the manga:

This Fucking Hand™️

As we all know, in the anime, Fyodor injures his hand when the password input device blows up, and as we all know, this does not happen in the manga. In the last episode, Dazai claims that the final nail in the coffin of his impromptu plan to kill Fyodor relied on this hand injury: because Fyodor couldn't pilot his escape helicopter himself, he would ask one of his Meursault vampires to do it for him, unaware that Bram and thus this vampire was now on the ADA's side, and said vampire could kill him while his guard was down.

Ignoring how utterly stupid and contrived this plan is when you stop and think about it for more than two seconds, the fact of the matter is that something that initially seemed like nothing more than an odd but inconsequential anime original addition ended up snowballing into being the entire reason one of the big bads was brought down. If Fyodor hadn't hurt his hand, he wouldn't have needed another pilot, and so the traitor vampire wouldn't have had an opportunity to get near him and kill him without him expecting it even though said vampire was presumably with him as they were leaving Meursault, and was probably already a traitor by then, so there was plenty opportunity for him to still die. not to mention by Chuuya's hands at literally any time he wanted to, because Chuuya was coherent the whole time. Also there's absolutely no way Dazai could have known exactly what Ranpo would do, no matter how smart he is and how much he trusts him. idk it's fucking dumb, just roll with it. Therefore, putting aside all other variables for now, we can conclude that, on the most basic level, this signifies that no hand wound = no death.

And let me tell you, this hand wound bothers me. It really, really does. Because they focus on it a LOT — they go out of their way to draw attention to it MULTIPLE TIMES, from the moment it first happens to the end of the season. Fyodor even talks about it to himself, about Dazai being able to cause him tangible, visible, bodily harm, (something that, again, as far as we've seen, has never happened in the manga). Hell, even after Fyodor's death, they're still drawing attention to it, because his right arm is all of him that survives, and Dazai picks it up and gives it to Nikolai to do his hilarious sad little gay fondling of it played completely straight even though there's nothing straight going on here at all! It's like it's a big red flashing sign at all times going "you see this injured hand? This is important. Are you picking up that it's important? Are you taking note of it?" Why is that? Obviously, it serves to give us the lore crumbs about Fyodor and "that man", but that's hardly the main, much more glaring reason, as I've already mentioned.

Fyodor doesn't hurt his hand in the manga. Fyodor won't die here in the manga. I am so dead serious by this point about this, and it's not just simply the fact that this was absolutely not at all the time for him to die, or the fact that his hand is the reason for his death in the anime in and of itself, but how much EMPHASIS they place on this, and on the hand in general. What would be the point of adding something like this, if it's not meant to alert us to the fact that it has a major impact on how the story plays out? We all know Bones: they struggle to get right and include everything that's already there in the source material; they would never go out of their way to add something this noteworthy if there wasn't a very good reason for it, if it wasn't absolutely necessary. I've seen a few people bring up the fact that Fyodor gets shot in the shoulder by Sigma and that that could lead to the same outcome in the manga, but I disagree: although he has blood on his shoulder in the manga, it seems like the bullet just grazed the top of it, because his arm and hand appears completely functional afterwards (not hanging limp by his side or anything). But that doesn't even matter, because this isn't even about the semantics/logistics of how the hand wound caused Fyodor's death because again, it's a stupid outcome, or what could serve as a substitute in the manga — thematically, this is a textbook example of the butterfly effect. Countless parallel universes exist within this series, ones where even the most minute differences lead to a majorly different outcome: this just happens to be one of them. There's no reason to think it isn't, and there's no reason to not think that the anime wants us to clue into the fact that things only went as smoothly as they did on the Meursault side because of this wound; in other words, that things will go very differently in the manga thanks to the absence of said wound. They wouldn't have added it in the first place and put such clearly deliberate emphasis on it otherwise.

Things are going to happen very differently in the manga, at least when it comes to the Meursault crew (but then, if you assume that, you then naturally assume it all will be very different). This is the only conclusion one can come to with the presentation of this anime-only wound, combined with the fact that parallel universes are a very real thing in BSD.

I'm going to go on a bit of a tangent, so bear with me. I play a lot of visual novels, and although such concepts aren't really as original now as they were a while ago, some of my favorite and some of the very best VNs out there are the ones that break the fourth wall and make the visual novel branching route format directly intertwined with the story: you know, the ones where the characters go "if only I had done things differently, maybe everything would have turned out better...!" in a wink wink nudge nudge moment, and the ones where the characters are aware of the different timelines, even, or even have the ability to gain information from their selves in said alternate timelines to influence events in their current one (I'm intentionally not naming the games I'm thinking of for the sake of spoilers, but if you know, you know lmao). It gets very meta in this regard, and this is how I started viewing BSD through the lens of ever since I first learned about Beast: like a visual novel with many branching routes, and only a few routes that feel entirely "right".

When I first read Dazai's Entrance Exam, I was struck by how unnerving the ending sequence in the abandoned hospital felt. Obviously, Kunikida's internal struggle over Sasaki's actions and motives is him still desperately clinging to his ideal world that does not exist, but the specific type of phrases he uses — "who is wrong?" "[who is] the cause of all this?" "there has to be an ideal world" "there has to be something, I'm sure of it" "There must have been something we could have done!" — and the framing of the scene in general, is eerily reminiscent of a bad ending in a visual novel, to me. There's a haunting, looming, bleak sense that a different outcome could have been achieved, if different decisions had been made, or if things outside of anyone's control had been different... and we know that this is true, because in Beast alone, Kunikida never goes through the Azure Messenger incident, because Dazai doesn't have his entrance exam. Hell, you could even consider the anime's version of the Azure Messenger arc an alternate timeline in of itself, if you really wanted to, long before we even arrive at season 5.

When it comes to Beast, this timeline has almost the opposite feeling of what I described above, that I've also encountered in visual novels: the idea of a "good route" or "good ending" that still doesn't feel quite earned, or as perfect as one would expect. Beast is presented as the "ideal" timeline purely for one sole reason: Oda is alive. It is the only timeline where he's alive, and keeping Oda alive is the ultimate goal Dazai wants to achieve, the only reason this timeline exists; therefore, disregarding all else, Beast should be the best timeline, because Oda's death is the greatest devastation in the series to date. We all want him to live, so why wouldn't the timeline where he does be the best one? And yet... of course, it isn't. Dazai is alone, and steeped in darkness and loneliness without Oda, and dies by the end of the story for Oda's continued living. Atsushi has Kyouka still, but he's suffering and more traumatized, and unable to heal while stuck in the mafia, and neither can Kyouka. Akutagawa is living a much better life in the ADA... but without his sister, and without what he has from his bond with Atsushi in canon, that isn't replicated in Beast. And Oda... Oda is alive, and he has his children and his novel, but there is a feeling that he is aimless, that something in his life is missing. He has everything he ever wanted, but all that means nothing without what he truly needs: Dazai, and his time with Dazai and Ango at the bar. In this way, things going well and us getting what we want — in this case, Oda living — goes against how it's supposed to be, the natural order, which is why it feels so hollow. In the specific visual novel I'm thinking of here as a comparison (again, shoutout if you know), there's an alternate ending that involves you inputting information you gain at the end of the game very early on in the game, wherein the protagonist now has memories of the future and is able to bypass and prevent all of the events that take place normally. This means that people who die or are hurt somehow in general are saved from that fate, and nothing bad ever occurs; everything wraps up neatly and nicely... but again, there's an undeniable, unsettling feeling of emptiness, of a victory that rings hollow, because what's the point if everything is simply handed to you easily, where's the sense of accomplishment, without any struggles to achieve said victories, or any growth along the way? How can it feel earned if one doesn't have to, in Dazai's words, "scream within the storm of uncertainty, and run with flowing blood"?

You can probably already see where I'm going with this.

This finale feels weird. Really, really weird. It feels too cheap, too simple, too unsatisfying. So much so, in fact, that for almost the entire runtime, as I was bombarded with resolution upon resolution one after another, I kept thinking "There's no way this can be real. Where's the catch? When is the "gotcha!" moment gonna happen? The "it was all a dream" reveal?". And this isn't just because I hated the writing, and that it really did feel like a fever dream watching fanfic levels of bad (actually, that's an insult to fanfic writers, tbh; they could do better) — no, it genuinely feels so incredibly fake. Even upon rewatching it and already knowing what happens, my brain still naturally keeps expecting some kinda of "sike, you THOUGHT!" moment to suddenly appear. It just.... feels "too good to be true". Dazai and Chuuya come out unscathed, and it's revealed that they were never in any real danger to begin with. Fyodor, one of our biggest threats, is dealt with supposedly for good (I say "supposedly" only because of the Jesus line, but if anything imo, I think that's just a hint that this won't be the canon ending in the manga, so in a sense he's going to "come back to life"), and Nikolai seems somewhat at peace with his death. The other biggest threat, Fukuchi, is also dealt with, and he and Fukuzawa get their final moment together of closure. Yes, Sigma is left in Meursault don't even get me started on how angry this alone makes me, and Fukuzawa loses Fukuchi, but overall, everything is portrayed in a positive light, and any negatives or losses are quickly glossed over. Everything is tied up nicely, neatly, and smoothly. ...And that is exactly what makes it feel so wrong, and hard to trust in.

I'm not sure if this will make sense, but to me, the finale is so incredibly poorly written that it almost feels.... intentional. It's so bad to the point of feeling self-aware in how bad it is, how unrealistically happy and convenient an ending it is. It had to end this neatly in order to rush to wrap up this arc for the season finale and not leave the last episode on a cliffhanger — which imo is chiefly the main reason it turned out this way, and, if this whole theory is true, Asagiri just used it to his advantage — and I'm not saying this was probably an effect Bones had in mind intentionally, I'm sure they just threw shit at the wall and went with whatever stuck, maaaaybe with some suggestions/approval from Asagiri, but the result is that you have a conclusion that contradicts so much of what was set up before and goes against so many character arcs, making some characters so out of character and even regressing in their development Dazai. I'm talking about Dazai abandoning Sigma, because he would never; hashtag #NOTMYDAZAI. Also Nikolai, Nikolai for most of that is so ooc I can't even begin to describe it oh my god. Everyone is OOC to a degree though lmao, and opens so many plot holes, to the point that it's impossible not to watch all that and get the feeling that it is subtly saying to you "did you really think it could be this easy? It feels wrong, doesn't it? It doesn't feel satisfying. It feels unearned." I find it incredibly interesting and suspicious in particular that they confirmed multiple theories people had about soukoku in Meursault: that Chuuya slowed the elevator's fall so that Dazai wouldn't die from it, that Chuuya slowed down the bullet so that it only penetrated Dazai's skin and not his skull, and that the both of them used Fyodor's camera angle to their advantage because they knew he wouldn't be able to see certain things from his view. I'm not saying that Asagiri trawled BSD twitter and tumblr after those chapters dropped for the most popular theories before the final episode was made lmao, there was no time for that (imagine though lol—), but I do think it's highly likely that he already had in mind exactly what theories would be made about these parts (I mean, the evidence for the gun scene was all there), and that Dazai rattling them off in his long monologue to Fyodor at the end is essentially him speaking to the audience and going "yeah, that's what you would predict, right? Those are the clichés, after all", much like him suggesting earlier that he can maybe bring Chuuya back to himself with a few moving words and the power of friendship, and Fyodor using the split personalities trope to fool Sigma. We expect these tropes to be true. Of course we'd fall for them, as Fyodor tells Sigma, especially if the evidence is right there. But Asagiri himself has explicitly said that he likes doing the opposite of what people expect. And so just because people predicted correctly with the three things I mentioned in this timeline... doesn't mean they'll be true in the manga's. Things happened how we wanted and expected it to, and everything turned out happily. So we can relax now, right? Everything will work out just as easily in the manga, right? Or... is the reason most of this finale feels so fake and unsettling and unsatisfying because it's meant to lull us into a false sense of security before all our heroes lose in the manga? Because deep down, we don't want an ending that's this simple, because we'd rather have a conclusion where our characters have struggled more and grown more and come out the better for it, and we know it?

After rewatching the episode a lot, and watching some other videos, and doing a lot of thinking, I am pretty confident in suspecting that the only part of this finale that is actually from manga canon, aside from Aya jumping off the building of course, is Fyodor and Nikolai's exchange after Fyodor leaves Meursault — specifically, them talking about Fyodor leaving Sigma behind, and their "new game" and Nikolai being excited at the prospect of it. This little conversation actually feels in character for them, and it's easy to tell this when contrasting it with everything that happens immediately after, wherein Fyodor is fatally stabbed, and Nikolai, completely at odds with what he was just talking about, just... stands there and watches Fyodor die while Dazai monologues lmao. I'm not sure if the helicopter is still a factor, but I would bet good money on Fyolai getting out of Meursault being manga canon, and that Dazai and Chuuya getting out as well and killing Fyodor + everything with FukuFuku, is part of the anime original ending, in order to wrap up everything positively. It makes much more sense if you think about, in reality (aka in the manga), Dazai and Chuuya still being left behind in Meursault (where they can eventually try to get Sigma), because none of it was an act and things did not go according to plan, and Fukuchi having an entirely different goal that doesn't feel so stupid and contradictory to his character, and Fukuzawa possibly dying — everyone seemingly loses, with Aya still being the last hope, perhaps by awakening her ability like we all speculated.

There's a youtuber I watch who covers BSD in-depth, despite being an anime-only (she reads the respective manga content after each season, though). Going into this finale, she knew about the fact that the anime had overtaken the manga, though she didn't know where the cutoff point was; despite that, however, she made predictions about what was from the manga so far and what was anime original, and it was almost entirely spot-on, based mostly on what she basically described as "anime original dialogue." She talked about how you can always tell when dialogue is veering into the realm of anime-original, because the sentences are very short, choppy, and slightly out of character, but generic enough to not be TOO out of character, and so that anyone can easily write said lines, even if they're not extremely familiar with the character like the original author would be. And when I heard this explanation, everything clicked — because so much of this finale has dialogue like that. The Fyolai scenes just feel peppered with it, around the lines I mentioned earlier, the Dazai dialogue does too, and ESPECIALLY shit at the end like Fukuchi and Fukuzawa exchanging the cliche death lines to end all death lines: "Are you there? I'm a little tired." "Rest up." That just isn't Bungou Stray Dogs. That isn't Asagiri. BSD is cheesy at times, yes, but it isn't like this; it's smarter. The dialogue is smarter, the explanations/plot twists are smarter, Asagiri is smarter, and the aforementioned youtuber I watched agreed. She's a pretty casual fan of the series, so if even she could pick up on these things, I think it speaks volumes.

I mentioned this briefly earlier, but this theory makes sense if you consider that this situation probably came about because of Bones wanting two seasons back-to-back when they did, and this arc being as long as it is. Season 3 aired in 2019, and I imagine Bones would have wanted season 4 in 2020, and might have then been willing to wait a bit longer for season 5 in order for more of this arc's manga chapters to come out — but then covid happened. Because of that, season 4 was delayed to 2023, creating the longest gap we've had between seasons, and I wouldn't at all be surprised if the delay made them want season 5 right together with it, after getting so far "behind", so to speak. S4 was announced in November of 2021, and roughly around that time, Asagiri was finishing up writing the plot of the DoA arc. If Bones came to him sometime in late 2021 and said they wanted two seasons now (so basically, one giant two cour season), Asagiri would know that not only of course would this arc not be finished publishing in the manga for a very long time yet, but that roughly 20ish episodes would not be enough to cover it all to the end, with this arc being longer than any arc the anime has adapted to date. Because of all this, and the arc manga chapters being nowhere near fully drawn to completion, he'd have to make a decision about what to do, and what to give Bones. Without ending season 5 on a massive cliffhanger that wouldn't be resolved for years until an eventual season 6, the only other option would be to rush towards an anime-original ending for the DoA arc.... and for Asagiri to take advantage of that, and integrate it into BSD's lore. Thereby creating a truly unique cross-media experience that utilizes the different mediums to create multiple timelines, that could make both the anime and manga interact with each other and become part of a bigger picture (not that you'd need to see both to get the full experience, mind you, just that it'd provide a little bonus if you did).... and would without a doubt be Asagiri's biggest surprise yet.

...I feel like at this point I'm starting to ramble, and my evidence become more and more incoherent and less substantial lmao, so I should probably end this post. 💀 Thank you if you've read this far, and hopefully it made some semblance of sense, despite not being structured very well; I know I promised at the start to try to be as objective as possible and curb my negative feelings, but I'm not sure how well I succeeded in that regard. If it weren't for the Fukuchi thing and the Fyodor hand thing, I probably wouldn't take how wrong and strange and bad the finale feels to me as serious evidence about it being an alternate timeline, especially since I seem to be one of the only people who actually hates all of it.... but combined with everything else, I am just so convinced of this theory being true. It started off as pure copium, but as more time has gone on, I fully, 100% believe in my bones (ha) that there is no way that finale is the same Bungou Stray Dogs I know and love, for so many reasons. It just isn't. It can't be. I know BSD better than this, I know Asagiri better than this, and I know that it's absolutely in the realm of possibility for him to cook up this whole scheme to completely blindside us with in the upcoming chapters, because that's exactly the kind of shit Mr. "Please Be Surprised!" himself would pull. If I end up being completely wrong, I guess I'm wrong, and you can laugh at me all you want then.... but I just know that ages ago people were teasing the idea of the anime operating on a different timeline from the manga, and I truly do think that only now are we finally seeing that idea come to fruition, as a setup for Asagiri going full-bore insanity with the Book in the upcoming arc(s). if I and the OP of that theory end up right, this will be the wildest time in the BSD fandom's history.

Like. I cannot even emphasize how hard they are trolling us at this point. Something is going on. Something is being cooked over there, the likes of which we've never seen before... and I don't think any of us are ready for it.

Oh yeah, and one last thing of note: both Fyodor and Nikolai here have their right arms hidden from view. Is that alluding to anything? I'm not sure. I also think that since chapter 110 was so short, next chapter will likely be 110.5 instead of 111, and if that's the case, this title spread could still technically be associated with the next chapter... wherein we might see this Fukuchi, who ends up wreaking havoc, right before he jumps to the timeline in the anime, as we see him at the end of the s5 finale.

I guess we'll find out on Tuesday.

[blacclotusss]

What Can the Damned Really Say to the Damned?

Just a bit of meta on my favorite scenes from episode one of season two!

Louis and Lestat in the Field

At this point and time, using context clues, we know Lestat is conjured up from Louis' mind. Personally, I think Louis conjured him up due to the fact that he's surrounded by dead bodies and the most recent "dead" body he's cared about is Lestat. So now, he's thinking of his past love and the murder of him, the only time he's felt like he murdered someone. "Oh love, I'm merely waiting until you're happy." This seems to be the opposite of what Lestat has done to Louis in season one. He would always try and catch Louis when he was down and make the situation worse e.g. Paul's death, the church turning, the closing of the Azalea, the riots, etc. It's interesting, especially, considering Lestat isn't actually saying any of this. Crazy how Louis' brain is working in this moment. A friend of mine also brought up that Louis is in a period of desperation and despair and I think it may have brought up thoughts of home, the home they left Lestat to die in.

Claudia and Louis' Argument in the Boiler Room

The first time we actually hear, from her own mouth, how much Claudia resents Louis for the fact that Lestat is still looming over them. "I forgave you for messing up my plan, I did not forgive you for bringing him with you." Louis, in that moment, seems to want to make nice with people on their journey and dismisses Claudia's concerns and ideas, which may build even more resentment. "I'm looking for one, just one, that ain't a goddamn bastard!" Her search for vampires seems to be her both wanting answers as well as her own companion to escape the bastards she's encountered as a vampire.

Claudia's Dreams/Nightmares

This one is a bit tricky for me to understand because the only thing I can think of what Louis is trying to say is that she is lying, but I don't think he'd call her a liar. I believe Claudia only said she couldn't dream because Louis was getting on her nerves. I hope to God that is not the angle we're going with because I will personally raise hell for her.

Morgan Asking Louis for Help

Very short point but it's so interesting that Morgan thought Louis would help and I was somewhat surprised that Louis left it alone. I think that those four years have hardened him just a bit and he's over the humans for now. Another point, a bit of racism slipping through that Morgan thought the Black man was going to help.

Daciana and the Fire

Two interpretations of this scene and I'd like to believe that the both of them have some truth to it. One (brought to me by my friend @nakiaslilhoodoo), Daciana and her killing her children relating to Claudia. Even in season one, we see just how much he cares for Claudia, even going so far as to postponing his suicide so that she wouldn't have the memory of her brother dying on the same day as the beginning of her journey of traveling. I think Daciana jumping into the fire after losing her children could show how Louis will lick the fire (internally) once Claudia is gone. 

Two (another point made by a friend of mine, Daciana and Magnus being one in the same in this scene. The both of them walked into the fire after feeling defeated with having no companion. I didn't realize this until a friend brought it up to me and I think it makes the situation even more tragic.

Louis' Speech to Claudia

A very bittersweet moment for me, and the way the trailers and clips are set up makes me believe this may fall apart. I thought I'd feel stronger about Louis telling Claudia about having a shitty life, I still don't think it was quite necessary because I'm sure she knows that and her life was shitty before she even met Louis, but it didn't leave a poor taste in my mouth like I thought it would. The soft words he gave her was what genuinely broke me. I think it hit me because I know Louis genuinely believes what he said to her and how it's her and him against the world, but I know it's going to go left. Even when they held hands together after getting off of the van, they really could be everything if they keep each other close. You could tell by Claudia's face that she's been waiting to hear that from, (Delainey said this as well) but she also seems a bit skeptical and questioning whether he'll stick to his words, which I don't blame her for. And then Louis conjuring up Lestat as he's telling her this...I know there will be problems on the rise.

Louis and Armand in the Bedroom

First of all, the bedroom seems to be gorgeous and I would pick it apart more if it weren't for the bars and the painting in the back. The bars are a bit jarring because I don't know who they would represent. Would it be Louis feeling confined to this relationship and life he's made with Armand or would it represent Armand holding back his emotions and how he feels? And the painting of Jesus and Judas, who betrayed Jesus, hanging in the back is a wild concept. But, I did enjoy the softness each of them displayed with one another. The talk of Claudia's diary pages could have easily blew up into an argument, but they each know each other well enough for it to remain calm. Even Louis' face before he kissed Armand was quite reassuring. Love what I see from these two so far.

[space-blue]

Hi, I love a lot of your meta and analyses. Especially for Arcane. One thing that's bothering me is what exactly was Silco's reputation among the Lanes in act 1? It's odd how Vander seems to say he's worse than enforcers, and Benzo even calls him an animal and immediately tries to charge at Silco after Grayson's death. But we know that Silco only became this ruthless AFTER his attempted murder by Vander. So during the old times when Vander and Benzo knew him, Silco was apparently a "weak man" who wasn't nearly as violent as Vander. So what gives?

Sure, the "animal" line could just be because of the brutal way he killed Grayson and the enforcers, but idk, the way he immediately charges Silco no questions asked seems to indicate something deeper. It's funny too, because Silco murdered only the enforcers that were arresting Vander, and didn't even want to kill Vander until he rejected Silco's plan and refused to join him. So if Benzo just stayed calm and kept his hands to himself Silco would've probably kidnapped them both. Hell, without Benzo's murder hanging over Vander's head, maybe he could've even be persuaded to rejoin Silco for another try at revolution? But the story needs him to refuse, so ofc Benzo had to die.

I'm just wondering why exactly, if Silco was known as the less violent one before Vander tried to kill him, then why do Benzo and Vander in act 1 treat him like he's been a devil the whole time. Did they maybe catch wind of his unpleasant activities while he was underground and building his revolution plans?

Hi Anon! What a great ask! And thank you, you make me blush. It's nice that my horrendous Arcane brain rot actually serves some purpose somehow x'D

This is a very good question and a difficult one—because of the writers. I'm not sure if they really know or care to make sense of Silco and Vander's past. The timeline is shaky and vague. I think they were happy to leave things quite mysterious. Some of us desperately try to unravel it, but the bulk of viewers took it all at face value and concluded that Silco is a horrible man who did horrible things.

This is not me bashing other fans, all theories are valid, but I must admit sometimes I wonder if the Arcane writers managed to convey their point across. Because I've seen quite a few people theorise that Silco did something truly horrible and 'deserved' to be killed by Vander, despite the lack of evidence or accusation, or the show going to great length to harp about Vander's potential for change, of his "monster within" who caves in skulls with his fists.

(Not to mention the casual fans who thought the sun shone out of Vander's ass because they couldn't see past Vi's pov and didn't do dozens of obsessive rewatches like yours truly).

My point is that their relationship is pretty complicated and there are plenty of dissenting theories. And I think a lot of people go one way or the other precisely around those moments you mention. I'm going to give you my theory, but it's very fanon. I'm genuinely a lot less certain about this than some of my other meta. It's just what gels for me considering how I interpret the rest of the show.

I'm going to put this under a cut, because there's a lot!

What exactly was Silco's reputation among the Lanes in act 1?

I don't think Silco was weak. That's him reframing his trauma. Not just weak physically (like obviously he could never fight Vander off fairly), but for having trusted him. Weak for not seeing the betrayal coming, and not coming on top of that conflict. He calls his old self weak because he must believe in his own progress, his own resurrection into a being who can enact his plans at last. 

I think Silco was a beacon of hope and zealotry. I think he was a propaganda machine. Young Silco united a lot of Zaun under the banner of his dream. He probably worked hard, and led the movement. From the way their dialogue goes, the accusation of betrayal, saying "I trusted you", and the manner of Silco's attitude around Vander, I'm of the (generally not that popular) sentiment that Silco was the leader of the early rebellion, and that Vander was his follower. Most likely his right hand man.

In fic I've theorised that Vander, who tells Vi he used to always be so angry and violent, didn't have a channel for said violence until Silco gave him structure and a purpose. Directed that violence at Piltover, at creating (read, carving out) the Lanes.

Which, FYI, are NEVER clarified. We don't know if it's a business model or a territory or both. Writers truly don't care to explain it.

Anyway, Silco speaks of "our dream" and then uses "brother" with a LOT of irony laced in, in reply to Vander's own use of the term. They used to be brothers in arms and Vander believed in that dream. We also know that Vander used to fight for the cause and claims he's "not that man anymore".

He basically was fighting for team Silco—team Zaun—right until the day of the betrayal.

Then we're told by Vander that Silco had his respect, the Lanes' respect, "but that... was never enough for you". We're also told by Sevika that Vander created the Lanes.

This suggests to me that Silco and Vander created the Lanes together. 

I assume that over time Vander started seeing Silco's plans as too greedy, while leading the Lanes seemed ideal. 'Good enough', if you will. Vander is small minded where Silco is aiming for the sun. One wants too little and the other too much. Silco says they 'shared a vision, dreams of freedom, not just for the Lanes but for the whole of the Underground, united as One'. They used to dream of Zaun together... And then Vander realised Silco would tear the Lanes apart if it would serve his purpose (to attack Piltover). 

I think he didn't believe it'd work (and given what we see of Piltover vs. Zaun before shimmer, it might not have), and realised he wanted to rule the Lanes. Vander would now see Silco's dreams as too dangerous.

I know some people in the Zaundads community who theorised that Vander was influenced in turning on Silco by Benzo or others. It's not my prefered theory.

I think Vander wanted the Lanes for himself, and knew that Silco was too zealous to ever stop. We don't know why he got so (intimately) violent. Why they were in the Pilt. We see Vander first very cold, slowly drowning Silco, then very hot and brutal, once he's been hurt. I think he was very different indeed from the genial Vander we know in arc 1. Young Vander is the guy who carved the Lanes with his fists. The guy who built the reputation old Vander still coasts on. A guy known by foreigners! In short, it doesn't really help to look at him through the old Vander lens. He did what he did..

And THEN, he hid the (most likely black and contaminated) wound from Silco's knife. While Silco wears his scar unashamed for what must be a decade or two, Vander has his arm constantly covered. This speaks of shame to me. We know he had regrets too :

Truly a young, impulsive, violent man, who rushed into a bad decision and has regretted it since. I can picture a young Vander missing his best friend, his guiding light, and yet finally becoming the leader he wanted to be. Curtailing Silco's uprising entirely and settling, at least until his own revolt. 

We know there was only one time where the rebellion went ahead, and that was well after Silco left. Vander, to the assembled Lanes people, says "we crossed that bridge once before". It's the era where he still had Silco's respect, but was immediately followed by his pact with Grayson. Which Silco knew of.

Sorry... I'm rambling to try and get all the details in... Almost there.

Finally we come to Vander holding his (shamefully hidden) wound and saying "there's worse things than enforcers out there, we both know that."

And I'm not sure WHAT HE MEANS!! Like, this is not proof he knows Silco is alive. My personal feeling is that Vander believes there's a chance Silco might be alive, but he's not actively taking precautions like that's a possibility. Silco's attack wouldn't have come out of left field and taken them so completely by surprise otherwise.

There are plenty of things worse than enforcers. Including himself!! He could mean competing chembarons. He could mean someone wanting his seat. He could mean anything, it's infuriating. 

Anyway, I think Vander came back from the Pilt with a bad stab wound and a story. I think he told everyone that Silco attacked him and died. That he turned traitor. Or any other bullshit story. But I believe he did what any new illegitimate ruler does, and shat all over Silco's reputation. Or else cried some crocodile tears over him and called him dead. But Silco never stepped back into the open, so Vander making him persona non grata is more likely. 

Whatever the case, Vander had completely taken over the Lanes by the time Silco was in good enough health to show up.

Did they run into each other? Did Vander scare him off again? I'm not sure, but I don't think so. Vander looks way too shocked when he realises who's showing up at the murder party. This isn't the expression of someone who is used to thwarting schemes. This isn't the Batman's face when the Joker appears with mischief around a street corner.

Meanwhile, why would Benzo react so negatively to Silco? The well respected man who was betrayed (a fact Vander owns up to and APOLOGISES for), who was half drowned and mutilated by Vander's hand... Yet Benzo immediately calls him an animal (which, you're right, could be in reaction to stepping into a mass killing—which, fair), and tells him to "crawl back into whatever hole he came out of."

I feel like this is the reaction of someone who thinks "wow, it's the cunt who harmed my bestie 20 years ago and (insert Vander's lies about him). Who knew he was still alive?"

Meanwhile, Vander looks like it's judgement day. I think he has excellent reasons to be afraid. He stole the Lanes, destroyed Silco's dreams, ruined his rep, drove him out of the Underground... and somehow Silco stayed under the radar all this time? And now he's got killer monsters? Of course he'd be scared. Vander knows how intense Silco used to be, and knows how guilty he himself is. I think he believes all bets are off. Precisely because Silco never had a reputation as a weak man. 

I mean, consider! If Vander was mega violent under Silco's guidance... If they built the Lanes together... If Silco was the leader who helped Vander redirect his rage... Then Silco clearly didn't mind being extremely violent. He didn't mind unleashing "the Hound" on the people who stood in the way of Zaun. 

((I think Silco's "weak" narrative is a self soothing framing device. That he's recontextualising himself, making a philosophy of life. After all, he tries to use these same terms to speak to Jinx about her own trauma, while failing to grasp that while he was at his weakest, Powder was at her strongest. His personal motto of letting the weak die doesn't work for Jinx.))

It's very revealing that Vander says "Benzo stay back!" and Silco says "you never did know when to walk away." Like if he'd stayed back and then walked away, he'd have been fine. I fully agree that this tells us that Vander thinks Silco is only after him. That he wouldn't kill Benzo needlessly. Needless deaths were probably never Silco's style, as someone wanting to 'unite' the Underground. And after all, he's not even here to kill Vander, but to recruit him.

So, yeah... In conclusion (at last lol) 

Silco was never weak, simply too big a dreamer, someone who wouldn't surrender his lofty ideals for the reality of being one of the most powerful men in the Undercity. Ultimately he got in young Vander's way. Vander impulsively sacrificed Silco for his own desire to rule the Lanes. Then he turned around, shameful and regretful, and lied to everyone about it as he usurped Silco's place and became the Lanes' sole leader. 

(I personally theorised in several fics that the last Drop was actually Silco's, and that Vander took over it after the betrayal, partially explaining why Silco never leaves the place after his own takeover. Complicated feelings + it was his and fuck Vander lol)

I don't believe Benzo or Vander have any clue about Silco's plans, and simply react based on what they know and imagine (Benzo based on whatever Vander told him, and Vander based on how fucked he has to be and how insanely dedicated Silco must still be). I believe Vander has a lot of double agents in his midst (Sevika, Syd), and people who've been keeping tabs on him for years. 

Counter-argument : Marcus says he spoke to one of Vander's "old friends" and that he "wasn't always so peaceful". You could think this may have tipped Vander off... But how many people did he leave behind or crush when creating the Lanes? How many people hate him for leading the failed uprising? I think it's still plausible that Vander doesn't suspect Silco's involvement. 

Vander just lacks cunning. Another final argument for him being totally clueless is that he had a direct line to Grayson, and a quick, 'Hey, okay I'll tell you who stole your stuff' pointing fingers towards Silco would have entirely solved the situation for him.

Yet he never is shown to consider it. 

PHEW. I think that covers it?? I think I covered every point? At least that's how I interpret this situation, even though it relies heavily on my own fanon readings of the timeline and a lot of other details. 

If anyone disagrees with this, or wants to double down, as always go crazy. I love me a meta pile on. 

[shrinkthisviolet]

7 and 12 with Barrisco for the angst and hurt/comfort prompts, please please please please? (if possible)

Absolutely! The first one is a bit on the shorter side, but the second one is longer (and tbh it's one of my favorites that I've written) :D hope you enjoy them both!

7: "I'm here. I've got you. You're safe now." (takes place during 1x20, the night after they look into Cisco's dreams/memories)

The thing about having meta powers involving retention of memories of other timelines was that it kinda sucked. No, scratch that, it really sucked. He knew Barry didn’t mean any harm by asking him to look into his dreams. Cisco himself had agreed to it—they needed a way to uncover what had happened, to nail Wells—Thawne for something, and that was their smoking gun. But it turned out, excavating the memory and actually reliving it in front of an audience tended to make the nightmares worse. Everything was in sharper focus now—Wells—Thawne, Cisco really had to stop calling him Wells—’s fond smile, the sting of his words (“you have shown me what it’s like to have a son”), the pain of that vibrating��� Cisco gasped, jolting upright as his heart hammered. A gust of wind rushed into his bedroom—oh right, Barry had agreed to sleep over in case something happened—and Cisco felt a gentle, hesitant hand on his shoulder, Barry’s voice slowly filtering in: “…co? Do you need something? Can I—no, wait, stupid question…” Cisco knew what Barry was going to ask, and truthfully, he needed it too, so he threw himself into Barry’s arms and sobbed in earnest. Barry didn’t hesitate to hug him tight, to whisper soothingly, “I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re safe now.” “I loved him,” Cisco choked, “he was like a father to me, I loved him, I thought he loved us, why…?” It was the one question he could never answer. The one that kept him awake at night, that left him with tears on his face. If you loved me so much, if I really showed you what it was like to have a son, then why did you kill me? “I’m sorry.” Barry’s voice hitched. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” All Cisco could do was cling tighter to Barry and cry. (And wish, not for the first time, that he’d never gotten these powers at all.)

12: "Help me." (post-3x07, pre-3x08)

As far as text messages went, Cisco had rarely been as worried as he was right now, with Barry having sent one of the most concerning texts of their entire relationship—even as far back as before they’d started dating.

<need help. please. our place ASAP>

Our place. If not for how clearly desperate he was, Cisco would pick a fight over that alone.

Because once, it had been their place. A few months after the stuff with Zoom, Cisco had confessed his feelings for Barry, and Barry had confessed his own in turn (Caitlin and Iris, who themselves had finally sorted out their feelings, had no doubt engineered something—there was no way all the doors in STAR Labs had suddenly locked at the same time in the middle of the day). After that, well…it was a very blissful few months. Barry was a doting boyfriend, and dating a speedster was truly something special.

But then…something had changed. Barry had for some reason seemed out of sync with him, and Cisco couldn’t figure out why. Had he said something? Done something? He kept asking, but Barry kept assuring him it was nothing.

But then…Cisco found out what Barry had done. Whose life had been taken as collateral damage. And now…

Well. To put it most amicably, they were on a break.

(To put it less amicably, Cisco kept his distance as much as possible so he would be less tempted to punch Barry in the face.)

So, suffice to say, Barry was damn lucky that he sounded desperate enough to tug on Cisco’s heartstrings.

“I’m here!” Cisco sighed. “Now what was so imp—?”

He froze. Barry was standing in the middle of the room—in the middle of their living room—looking like he’d just come out of a fight. And lost.

Savitar. It had to be, right? No one else could hurt Barry like—

“Help me,” Barry gasped, more desperate than Cisco had ever heard him. “Cis…co…”

Cisco rushed over to Barry, catching him just as he fell, and grunting softly as he moved him to his couch.

“S-sorry…” Barry gasped, “f’r…barging in…”

Cisco winced. “Barry—”

“Didn’t know where else…to g—”

“Dude, whatever else is going on between us, I’m not just gonna turn you away!” Cisco ran a hand through his hair. “What happened? Who did this to you?”

“S-Sav…tar…”

As Cisco expected. “Okay. I’ll call Caitlin, but…I’ll do a little screening first.” He held up his fingers. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“No concussion,” Barry murmured. “Feel fine…just dizzy. I can…hear fine. Three fingers.”

Cisco nodded, relieved, starting to stand. “Caitlin can do a better checkup on you when she—”

“No!” Cisco flinched as Barry grabbed his arm hard. Barry winced. “I-I mean…I’m fine. Just…I just need…rest. Your first aid kit. Please?”

He was already sounding better, so Cisco reluctantly nodded, excusing himself to grab the first aid kit. “You’re sure you don’t want Caitlin to check you over?” He asked as he brought back over, opening it.

“I’m fine.” Barry smiled. “Got my best friend here to look after me, don’t I? In case I need anything?”

“Anything,” Cisco promised. As pissed as he was at Barry, he could put that aside for today, just until he was feeling tip-top again. So instead, he opened the kit and started patching Barry up.

Barry squeezed Cisco’s hand—something about his smile was off, it was strange, but maybe it was the pain he was in—and said, “I don’t deserve you, Cisco.”

Cisco laughed nervously. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s something,” Barry insisted, stroking a thumb along the back of his hand. “Cisco…I’ve done wrong, I’ve hurt you, I was reckless, I got Dante killed. You can’t imagine how sorry I am.”

Cisco pursed his lips, busying himself with cleaning Barry’s injuries. “It’s fine.”

Barry huffed. “Stop saying it’s fine. It’s not fine. I hurt you, and I’m sorry I did it, and that you felt like you couldn’t be mad at m—”

“Barry.” Cisco squeezed his hand back. “I am mad, okay? I’m gonna be mad for a while. But it is fine.”

After a few moments, Barry spoke up. “Do you still want me to—?”

“No,” Cisco said quickly, knowing exactly where Barry was going, looking back down to the injuries he was now bandaging. “No. Don’t you dare ask me that. That’s not fair.”

“I would,” Barry whispered. “For you? I’d do anything. Don’t you believe me, Cisco?”

Cisco’s eyes met Barry’s, and he suddenly saw the truth of it—the extent of how far Barry would go.

To make it up to him? Or just because he loved him?

(Or is there something else going on?)

“You should get some rest,” Cisco said finally, finishing up and standing up.

“Cisco—”

“We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Cisco, wait.”

And Cisco, naturally, stopped at the sound of Barry’s voice.

“I love you,” Barry whispered. “You know that, don’t you?”

Cisco turned to face him. “Yeah,” he said softly. “I do. Now get some rest, okay? You sound pretty off-kilter. I’ll call Caitlin in the morning, and that’s final.”

Barry laughed softly. “If you insist. Night, honey.”

Cisco’s heart did a flip. He and Barry were still technically broken up, he shouldn’t feel like this over Barry audaciously calling him that, but… “You too, Bear.”

That night, Cisco dreamed of Barry. More specifically, he dreamed of kissing him again.

(But he also couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very, very wrong. He just wished he could figure out what.)

(Laid up on Cisco’s couch, and nearly fast asleep, Savitar smiled.)

prompt list!

[fiercynn]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!

since there are both recent newcomers to bbs fandom and people like me who are new to bbs tumblr, i thought i'd create a getting-to-know-you meme for people to introduce themselves if they want! all questions are optional

note: i consider "fanworks" to pretty much everything people create related to a fandom, including but not limited to meta/analysis/discussion, gifs, fanvids/edits/fancams, filk, fanart, fanfic, fan food, fan crafts, etc. please include this note with the meme unless you have a different definition!

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

hi i'm deepa! i'm indian-american, in my 30s, queer, and agender – please use my name (either deepa or fiercynn is fine) instead of pronouns when referring to me!

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

i watched the whole show in the course of about 36 hours just about two weeks after the finale had aired, in february 2022! i joined bbs fandom on twitter soon after and have been there ever since, but i’ve only really been interacting on tumblr in the last few months

favorite ship(s)

patpran and inkpa…i'm a traditionalist ig lol

favorite character(s)

it’s so hard to choose but i think it has to be pran! i love his pining and his cockiness and his anxiety and his kindness and his grumpy faces. really channeling pat right now aren’t i

favorite episode(s)

episode 5 for obvious reasons; my second-favorite is a tie between episode 3 and episode 8 i think

favorite scene(s)

rooftop kiss, episode 3 bus stop scene, episode 8 backstage apology scene, and episode 9 picnic bench hand-holding scene

one thing you would change about the show if you could

LET INKPA KISS GDI

what are your some of your favorite fanworks made by other people?

ughhhhhh SO HARD TO CHOOSE and i think i'll do a longer rec list sometime but here are some of the earliest fanworks i engaged with that really set the stage for how i think about bbs

dynamic (fic, patpran) by riddles2 on ao3: one of the first fics i read in the fandom, it’s pat’s pov through episode 5 and it’s absolutely seminal imo

international love song (fanart/animation, patpran) by @architectxengineer: science is one of those incredibly multitalented people who writes, makes fanart, and animates?? among other things??? and this animation is sooooooo gorgeous and makes my heart absolutely melt

same page (vid, patpran) by dkyth73 on youtube: such a good fanvid of the show that p’aof himself tweeted about it!!!!

(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?

traffic was slow for the crash years (fic, patpran): gotta plug my baby, right? this is my patpran fake dating au which is 80k words and was so fun to create!

we both know you’re my only dream (fic, patpran): on the other end of the length spectrum, this 1k fic is one of my favorite things i've written ever

just being friendly (vid, patpran) co-vidded with @scribescribe: yes i know this is an msp song but we made the vid before msp aired!! i think it’s very cute hehe

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol)

since “just being friendly” is already obvious from me and scribe making a vid to it lol, i'm going to say “keeping tabs” by niki, which is extremely pran-coded. like. look at the lyrics. doesn't it seem like it was written to be about pran’s feelings at boarding school, where he misses pat desperately and hopes pat’s thinking of him but is also trying to convince himself that pat’s forgotten him and that everything pran wanted from him was just a delusion on his part. PRAN 😭 😭 😭

idk anything else you want us to know?

i have opinions about pran’s sweaters

okay i'm literally going to tag all of my tumblr mutuals that i think are still in the fandom (if i missed anyone sorry!!), but also if you want to do the meme consider yourself tagged! please don’t let this flop lol 🤞🏽

@citystoryscapes @nicolasechs @architectxengineer @mahuhumaling @manogirl @galauvant @miscellar @monamay @dancing-out-in-space @melto @incandescentflower @loveongsa @dimplesandfierceeyes @geonbaeeee @faillen @cinnamonseadragon @inkpaa @yourunwiththewolves @prany @pranpats @teesemomma @iathefurrr @inventedfangirling @sharingfandoms @lamonnaie @maychild @thegayneurodivergentagenda @mistergreaves @dudeyuri @nyttvera @thecriers @threezoz @wontbotherrn @not0nmain

[jor-elsemissary]

An idea came to me in a dream while writing. Okay here me out. Lilian ending up a meta human because Lionel went the Mister freeze route. And yes I'm picking this idea because her whole warm heart so "hey let's make her an ice chick."

The universal ramifications of such a concept isn't fully developed. Just Lilian with ice powers: A warm heart trapped in a very cold shell.

An interesting concept. I could see Lionel cryo-freezing Lillian, perhaps early on before the depression sets in and their love is lost. Before ‘89 even. He’d be desperate enough to do it if he believed it would give her a chance. Then again he did still love her despite their failing marriage and he might still freeze her, hoping that a cure would lift her out of this depression she had fallen into and give them a chance to rekindle what they lost.

Later he might use his research into meteor rocks to find that cure. Maybe even realize that if he could duplicate the mutation Lex had, it would save her. But rather than give her super healing, it gives her frost abilities that encases her heart in ice which in turn slows the progression of the disease considerably.

But the side effect causes him to lose her entirely. She sees his flaws more clearly. Sees what he’s done to her son. Sees his love had become an obsession that led to her current state. The mutation makes her insane and she turns on him and nearly kills him.

If it isn’t for Clark, Lex would have become the richest man in Kansas a lot sooner.

As for Lex, he is angry with his father. Angry that he lied about what had become of his mother. Angry that his arrogance led to her becoming a monster. But Lionel just stands there and takes his son’s anger, and when he doesn’t respond, Lex finally sees how lost his father looks. Lionel makes the comment: “I thought I could save her. I will bury her instead.” and walks away looking like he’s lost everything.

[ilynpilled]

this is an incoherent and unedited stream of consciousness but what i also take away from the whole process of mythmaking in the series is that it is in dialogue with the meta in such an interesting way.

ofc the series itself is a ‘song’. it is about stories and their power. it is about seeking meaning in fantasy. thrones alluded to this with the ending but it fumbled pretty hilariously at it. but i think there is an interrogation of truth inside of this whole dialogue. like a false ideal presented in fiction vs ‘truth’ in fiction. propaganda vs meaningful humanistic existential depth etc. jaime is a very existential character. he wants to make himself into a story. he wants to make his life have meaning because he dreads his existence and himself as a human being. he has one of the most severe existential crises in the series. “why would the stars want to look down on such as me?” is that. the stump is about an empty space that he needs to fill. it is about severing a previous identity, it is a metaphor for so many things in his life. but he in particular has such a layered relationship with stories and how they function and what his role in them is. he hates lies. he hates songs and stories for lying to him. he hates the story that he became, it destroyed his identity. and yet after hope is rekindled he once again desperately grasps for an unachievable false ideal to redefine his existence so he can stop hating himself. i reiterate, a figure like “arthur dayne” is as much of a lie as “kingslayer.” like these are all lies or incomplete truths. there is no goldenhand the just either, just the ugliness of a stump, as he subconsciously concludes in the dream in affc. human beings are more complicated than myths. so i cannot help but think that the whole idea of legacy in jaime’s story is more about the eyes of the reader and himself and certain characters rather than the eyes of the world that he is in. that feels like such a rich metatextual mess that works so well thematically. deconstructing and reconstructing the knight from the stories. what i find interesting is that the songs and myths within asoiaf are also often about ‘dehumanizing’ the subjects, but the series itself at its foundation is about thoroughly humanizing its characters. the songs are about interpretation, and they are not meant to be defining or all encompassing. they can often present a false reality that upholds a status quo rather than depicting truth. but they can also hold some universal truth in their depths that humanity can thrive for. that feels like a very intentional conversation the text is having with itself and its genre.

anyways yeah he is deeply concerned with ‘legacy’ and what mark he will leave. what the whole point of his existence was. he wants to redefine his existence, and he is desperate to make that definition something redeemable. i generally view the whole process of redemption and reformation as something unanswered and continuous. being better is not something you just “become” to me. it is not about being a bad or good person deep down, i do not think that is at all how george views human beings, it is about choices you make and keep making. with a character like jaime it should not be something that clearly and straightforwardly concludes with a simple answer. being better is a choice that has to be made every day. i have said that i am not that fond of the redemptive heroic death thing because again that is not something he is afraid of in the text, it feels very straightforward, and it is something he craves because in some ways he thinks meaning lies in that, not even a heroic death but just death where he dies with a sword in his hand. and yeah it is easier for him because it is simpler than confrontation and the grueling untangling of knots. fighting things physically is easier. being defeated physically is less scary. but i do not necessarily mind it if he dies eventually after key confrontations and some form of meaningful atonement and a form of existential victory. i do certainly get the feeling from the text that his life is on a timer right now and he has to make do and atone with the time that he has left. he is an older generation character that is attempting to actually redefine his existence, not just make something out of it like many of the other protagonists dealing with identity. but i cannot help but really dig the idea that george could be subverting that aspect of his character and he might conclude with the open and difficult reality that redefinition and reformation and redemption is not as straightforward as just ending your story on a better note and leaving a decent legacy. it could be about having to live with your flawed humanity and what you are as a whole and continuing on an unending inconclusive path of change anyway. that is more difficult and real, and accepting that reality requires existential courage.

songs are songs. jaime hates being a dehumanized figure. the kingslayer is like a figure from a song. much of the core of his character is that he is a human being that was in many ways ruined by being turned into a larger than life figure and myth. he is the villain and monster in the songs and stories. and that is the role he fulfills in the series up until this point too. during asos he realizes he wants to be the hero again like he used to dream as a young boy (the dream was always lingering, that romantic soul never really goes away, much of the JC dynamic for him is rooted in that fantasy, this idea of creating a false ideal: a song, something that gives his existence meaning). he thinks these things have meaning again in a deeper and more conscious way. but the series is not simple like the songs in it, it goes inside of the heads of these figures and it contextualizes them. how you are remembered by history is ultimately out of your control. again, those songs are not really ‘truth’. jaime deals with this so much. he is trying to write a story right now: a story that he chooses. that is what the white book is about. but he explicitly says he would rather slash it into pieces than fill it with lies. he keeps repeating he is sick of lies, which is a loaded statement concerning so many things in his arc. and the white book page is meant to represent his existence. i would like it if the whole idea of how jaime is remembered is more about the meta rather than an in universe thing. i would not mind jaime leaving a “bad legacy”. i do not think it matters how the songs remember him. what matters is where he actually ends up as a human being and what paths he had taken. i like it more as a conversation between him and the reader primarily. maybe the “heroes will always be remembered: the best and the worst and a few who were a bit of both - one of us is like to live in song etc.” is more about the impression of the reader, and the song is the series itself. that whole passage is very unsubtly meta anyway, we are supposed to point at him as we are reading the page, just as he points at the kingmaker. i am sure he is gonna be a figure that lives in song within the text too, i just do not think that is really about truth or what is ultimately defining for his story. like i would find it poignant if his legacy is a mixed bag or even a not particularly good one in history, and if he is never contextualized or redefined in the eyes of his world, but that will not change the reality of his actual story that we get to witness through his eyes and the eyes of other key characters. it makes it more meaningful to me bc then it becomes about an internal existential battle rather than an external one. and we know it is deeper than that for him already: “he did not think the maesters were like to confuse him with Prince Aemon the Dragonknight when they wrote their histories. Still, he felt curiously content.” i think his existential victory should be internally driven rather than defined by an uncontrollable external lens that often falsifies reality anyways, and never understood the people that thought him regaining his “honor” in the lens of westeros is what his arc’s interrogation of redemption is about. affc deconstructs that for him. like that is what his story arc played with a lot already. and his atonement is more about specific relationships with specific characters, not the eyes of history. what history hates him for is one of the most heroic acts in the series, that is not what has to be addressed and reformed.

what is also apparent to me at this point is that asoiaf doesn’t really have concrete conclusions and all encompassing rigid answers concerning the concepts that it interrogates. like obviously the characters have a different view of things. there are distinct philosophies that can all be reasonable and can contradict each other. there is a certain amount of relativism that is inherent to the structure of the story. george is giving the reader a bunch of perspectives, and allows them to decide for themselves. he is not gonna hold your hand and give you a straightforward answer on most things. take for example the whole:

"Are you saying you are monsters?"

"I am saying we are human. You are not the only one with wounds, Lady Brienne. Some of my brothers were good men when this began. Some were ... less good, shall we say? Though there are those who say it does not matter how a man begins, but only how he ends.” (this one especially is very tied to Jaime considering who it is said to and where and when etc)

vs

“A good act does not wash out the bad, nor a bad act the good. Each should have its own reward.”

and many many other statements made by different characters at different stages and said to different protagonists dealing with the same question.

what i am trying to say with all of this is that i do not really have a preferred concrete endgame in that sense nor do i expect george to give a clear answer to certain questions proposed in his arc, but i do have certain conceptual preferences. i do not want him to end up “rewarded” or absolved, i think a lot of people project that onto people arguing that his arc is about redemption and an interrogation of redemption. idk if i would really like his story ending with him dying and then history remembering him as an “honorable” man because a passage written in the white book by a person he saved like in the show. i guess it is not that bad because it was obviously not his intention or goal by the end, but still. the only thing i really want for him is a well written existential victory, which is not really about absolution to me. he has been in a state of existential defeat and cowardice for like 20 years, locking himself into moral nihilism and false fantasies as a result of the incoherent moral structures of his world and his trauma and dissociative tendencies and rage over how he is understood. i just do not want his story to end with that again. that is what i would view as cynical and “pointless” and cyclical in an empty way. like i am not sure i want key decisions that may lead to tragedy to be self sabotage either. i want it to be a choice with meaning to him. i think it would be along the lines of accepting and confronting truth and reality and not letting hope be defeated by it, and continuing to believe that choices hold meaning despite it all.

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

Hello! I really love your meta (especially your addition in the one regarding Victor and empathy), they are really well thought out! I read your edit to the episode 12- episode 4 meta yesterday, and I really would like to hear your thoughts about the ending as a whole. I personally felt that it was a bit off to me with Yuuri not winning gold (and the scoring) but I do understand what they were going for. Viktor's return to skating surprisingly was something I kind of expected to happen, but I would love to hear your interpretation of it! (Also I must say that viktor-yurio scene before yurio's fs being called as Viktor asking yurio to get the gold or whatever is a take I disagree SO much with (it just seems like it isn't something Viktor will do at that particular time...or ever tbh) so I was glad to see that being addressed in the post! I kind of felt that Yurio's monologue and pushing himself to win by a difference of .12 was just his own desperation to keep Yuuri on the ice (or even simpler: to just somehow convey to yuuri that he is capable of more and more and quitting at that point was not the best decision after all)) anyway, sorry for rambling away :') I really thought this is something interesting to discuss with you, have a great day/night!

Thanks for your Ask! I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I hope you’re still interested in my thoughts on the ending!

Generally (and this might be controversial), I think that episode 12 wraps up the story quite nicely and comprehensively, although I think it could have been 5-10 minutes longer. As much as I believe that a good story should require the audience to use their brains, I’m under the impression that episode 12 subjects the answer to too many open questions to the subtext, stirring a feeling of lacking closure as a result. With a few minutes more airtime, this could have been avoided.

To me, Yuuri finishing in second place was more satisfying than Yuuri winning the GPF. Episode 1 raised the expectation that by the end of the series, Yuuri would hold a gold medal in his hands and throughout the series we are led to believe that this is Yuuri’s ultimate goal. However, when we go back to the very beginning of episode 1, we see Yuuri yearning for becoming Viktor’s equal and it’s implied that he also yearns for Viktor as a person (I discussed some of this here). If Yuuri had won gold, he wouldn’t have been motivated to continue and thus would have denied himself the fulfilment of his greatest dream aka skating on the same ice as Viktor and competing against him—a desire he has nurtured since the day he saw Viktor skate for the first time. So, while the ending doesn’t fulfil Yuuri’s want, it satisfies his need with a promise of the future he envisioned. To me as a viewer, this is more rewarding, but it’s absolutely a matter of taste.

When I watched Yuri!!! for the first time, I personally didn’t anticipate Viktor’s comeback as I was too caught up in the story (and the fear he and Yuuri might break up—I made some bad experiences in this regard). While his return to skating was sufficiently foreshadowed through Yuuri’s unreliable narrator, Viktor’s story arc contradicts this notion. By episode 12, he has settled into his life as Yuuri’s coach and partner and is happier than he has been in a long time. Yuuri fulfils his unmet need for love, which is expressed through Viktor’s free programme and his participation in Yuuri’s gala programme. However, like Yuuri, he lost his passion for skating and is incomplete without it as it is a significant part of his personality (just like Yuuri). His need to regain his passion is met when both Yuris smash his world records at the GPF, but I highly doubt Viktor would enjoy his comeback without Yuuri as his love for skating and his love for Yuuri are intertwined. And for Yuuri, it’s the same. To me, that’s the perfect ever after.

Some more thoughts about the conflict between Yuuri and Viktor, Viktor’s reaction to Yuuri’s retirement plans, Yuuri’s intention, and whether they break up or not, I detailed in this old post.

I feel like I should point out that I don’t see Viktuuri as a couple who would conform to the “let’s break up because our paths of life diverge”-trope as I see them as too mature for this and I’m glad the creators didn’t let the story end like this. (This trope is one of my romance pet peeves.)

I agree with what you said about Yurio! In Yuuri, Yurio has the kind of rival who motivates and pushes him, and whom he likes and admires to some extent. In this sense, their relationship resembles the one Chris and Viktor had and it stands in stark contrast to Yurio’s relationship to JJ, who would be Yurio’s only rival if Yuuri quits. For a character like Yurio, I think, that’s reason enough to keep Yuuri in the sport. I even go as far as saying that stopping Yuuri from retiring is Yurio’s agape.

The scoring at the Grand Prix final is pretty wild to me. I read in an interview that the creators consulted a figure skater to ensure realistic scores, but for the GPF, they went completely off the rails for plot reasons. Without knowing the protocols from the competition, this is difficult to explore, but it seems that to ensure a certain outcome the creators ignored several basic rules about how mistakes play into GOE and PCS and which of these are reasonable for the world’s best six athletes. I did a quick and dirty calculation based on the ISU rules from the time Yuri!!! was created and broadcasted. It's the same system the creators used to calculate the base score of the athletes' programme. I came up with a significantly lower score for JJ and a score for Yuuri that is well above the 100 mark (his hand down on the 4F only gives -1 GOE and limits his PCS to 9.5 maximum in each category). In Yurio’s case, I assumed maximum GOE in all elements and maximum PCS and still didn’t get his score of 118, which means his score in the series is technically impossible. (I actually ended up with around 113.) I’m planning a post that explores the scores in YOI in more detail. For now, suffice it to say that the creators could have achieved the same with reasonable scores.

Given the mistakes he made, JJ was blatantly overscored. Especially in a competition like the GPF, judges tend to be exceptionally strict as all skaters are incredibly skilled and their programmes are of similar difficulty. While I understand that the creators intended to give JJ a strong comeback in the free skating, realistically, his performances would have only put him on the podium if other skaters had made more mistakes (unfortunately, the free skating is a black box as quite a number of elements are executed off-screen). Regarding plot choices, I don’t think the story needs two skaters making a strong comeback in the free programme. If JJ had finished the GPF in last place, this would have made the plot of episode 12 more realistic and better balanced and would have been a fine parallelism to Yuuri’s situation one year ago. Personally, this would have gone his ego good and I would have preferred Phichit, Chris, or Otabek in third place. That said, I don’t understand the reasons for this choice, but that’s okay.

I hope I was able to answer your questions. Feel free to ask if you want to know anything else! Anyway, thank you again! This was my first Ask on Tumblr and I was super thrilled when I saw it!

If you enjoy my meta posts, please consider giving my blog a follow or checking out my works on AO3(link in bio). You will find the results of my meta musings in there!

[ineffablebookgirl]

Me and my Tumblr friends at the my-favorite-tumblr-people convention.

@kedreeva is dressed as like a badass Robin Hood archer with green and brown tunic and leather armor, long braid down her back, escorted by an entourage of magnificent and dumb (affectionate) peafowl.

@charlottemadison42 is dressed in a simple blue wool gown, and is treated like royalty.

@inconveniently-discorporated I headcanon you using a wheelchair, I don't know why, that's just the first image that came to my head, and it stuck, like I guess I always picture you seated and extremely comfortable -- it's like a steampunk wheelchair with wooden wheels and red leather cushions and brass finishing studs. You're wearing a sharp tweed suit and a cape.

@feraltuxedo is wearing, you guessed it, a tuxedo, or possibly one of those t-shirts that has a tuxedo printed on it. Smoking a cigar, passing out tastefully erotic zines, and just generally having a great time.

@sevdrag is there and they're drunk. They came dressed as someone, but at some point swapped clothes with someone dressed as Blackbeard, so now they're wandering around in leather, clapping people jovially on the shoulder and telling Excellent stories.

@skinnyscottishbloke is there as Mesopotamian Crowley, but in yoga pants, being The Most Friendly

@koriquo in this headcanon fever dream of mine, you're a furry, and your fursona is a fennec fox, and you're cosplaying as David Tennant's Crowley.

@turniptitaness is just there to have a good time and came dressed as Maleficent, all black and purple leather and satin. She's blond. Idk why.

@dubiousduckearskears is cosplaying as the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland and everyone feels inexplicably a little happier after interacting with them.

@neil-gaiman is there, "in disguise" as a plague doctor, and everyone is politely pretending they don't know it's him.

@hasturswig is wearing a flower crown of carnations and very earnestly explaining meta to anyone who will listen, which is everyone, but especially me.

@cassandralie has like a Cleopatra thing going on, but pink. I don't know, that's just what came to me!

@i-am-having-a-moment-here is having a moment here, probably cosplaying Crowley or maybe Erik

@darkcomicsbookslibrariesthing @bloodibunni666 @brushtail @crowleyhargreeves @hauntedpersonchild @lumbrellacoffeemug @naefelldaurk are there too, maybe taking lots of pictures or something, I just don't know you well enough yet!!

Can we make this a tag game?? I desperately want to know your headcanons about me! Reblog and tell me how you picture me at your Tumblr con and then tag 5 or whatever of your other favorites? If you want to? No pressure?

All these silly little headcanons are the first thing that came to mind and I hope I haven't hurt anyone's feelings with them, they are all said with love! And I know I've forgotten someone important, I will add more when I remember!

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Doctor Who: The Star Beast- A Reasonably Watchable Mess

You may have noticed that, despite desperately positive, brittle reviews in the mainstream media, the last few years of Doctor Who went down like a lead balloon with actual fans and ordinary viewers. Turns out that a patronising gender-flip that served no plot purpose followed by a series of episodes in which the Doctor shilled for Space Amazon, murdered innocent giant spiders and delivered completely unearned straight-to-camera speeches like a fucking after-school special weren’t popular moves. The show’s viewing figures plummetted (despite contrary claims from the BBC that turned out, very simply, to be lies) and its review score aggregate on Rotten Tomatoes plunged, at one point, to literally 0%. Hilariously, the review aggregate from the mainstream media was around 90% at the time, once again demonstrating that the average critic can be bought for less than I spend assuring the silence of my past victims (the joke is that all my past victims are dead and I don’t spend a fucking thing on their silence). The abject failure of the Whitaker/Chibnall era was inevitable and any normal person could have predicted it. The BBC, however, didn’t and had a bit of a panic when they realised just how fucked their ratings were. Not that they admitted that, of course, but the fact they brought back the dream-team of showrunner Russell ‘The’ Davies and David Tennant for the 60th Anniversary Specials instead of letting the current incumbents stick around until after the anniversary kinda speaks volumes. So, now we’re getting three Anniversary specials, starring Tennant and helmed by Davies. The first one’s out, and it falls on me to review it as fairly as possible. So… how is it?

Well, put it this way: it’s not terrible, but it’s not the confident, unapologetic return to form I was hoping for either. It concerns a minor villain from the old DW comics called Beep the Meep who poses as a cute, furry critter while secretly plotting the genocide of the entire universe, a reunion with Catherine Tate’s always-delightful Donna Noble and a resolution to the Human/Time Lord meta-crisis that nearly straight-up killed her last time she was on-screen. And, in fairness, the stuff that works works pretty well. The jokes are funny, Tennant and Tate are excellent in their respective roles, the Meep is gloriously fucking psychotic (though the voice actor does sound like they’re phoning it in a bit) and Yasmin Finney, playing Donna’s trans daughter, is a lot less insufferable than she would have been if Chibnall had written her lines. I actually thought the bit where Donna threatens to “descend” on some kids who dead-name her in the street was well-handled and pretty accurately captured the protective instincts of a parent with a trans daughter. Mainly, she’s just there for the representation, though, and does the square root of bugger all to advance the plot. That’s probably a mercy, since I suspect the show would have had a hard time disguising the fact that this fifteen year old kid is being played by a twenty year old woman (who seems to have borrowed David Bowie’s cheekbones) if her part was any more prominent. But yeah- it’s a fun, knockabout adventure that doesn’t overstay its welcome and doesn’t try to outdo the entire show up to that point just because its been a completely arbitrary 60 years since the first episode. It’s basically fun and basically fine. It’s destined to be lauded to ludicrous excess by a mainstream media who are terrified of offering a proper critique because it’s got a trans person in it, while simultaneously being shat upon by online reviewers who know they can win easy points with the fans by challenging the suffocating ubiquity of the Standard Approved Opinion. In truth, though, it’s neither great nor awful- it’s just an hour of television that’s worth watching once but only once. It contains some good stuff… and some shite stuff.

Ah yes, the shite. That’s what you came to read about, isn’t it? Nobody in their right mind shows up at my blog-step for kind words and understanding: you come here because you know I have the pithiest insults and pissiest hot-takes. And yes: there’s some real fucking garbage to dunk on here. First of all, the Human/Time Lord meta-crisis gets resolved in the dumbest fucking way possible. For those of you who don’t remember, the ending of Modern Season 4 of DW was one of the most heartbreaking things ever attempted in a show designed for family viewing. Donna took on the consciousness of a Time Lord in order to save the universe but nearly burnt out her synapses in the processes. The Doctor wiped her mind to save her life, and then had to leave, because if she ever remembered him or the adventures they’d shared together, the crisis would reassert itself and her brain would overload, killing her. And the way they get around this, initially, is alright. Because Donna had a child, part of the meta-crisis got passed onto her, allowing two minds to take a strain that would kill just one. It’s a sweet and perfectly acceptable way of sorting a complex problem and something that legitimately wouldn’t have occurred to the Doctor at the time, because he had to come up with a solution that would work in the moment, not something that would require a nine month gestation period. But then, for some stupid fucking reason, they took it one step further and had Donna and her daughter simply relinquish the power of the meta-crisis, handwaving the obvious bullshit-ness of this move by claiming it just wouldn’t have occurred to a male-presenting Time Lord. The Doctor’s not an idiot. If that was an option, it would have occurred to him. Fuck, it did occur to him that one time Rose Tyler absorbed the Time Vortex and he had her give it up, channelling it into him to save her life at the cost of forcing a regeneration. It’s simultaneously contrived and slap-dash- a hasty right-on girl-power moment that fails miserably to play by the rules and cheapens the original story of the meta-crisis retroactively. It also brings us, neatly, to the phrase ‘male-presenting Time Lord’.

There’s a line in the excellent It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia wherein Charlie describes himself as “a straight man who poops transgender”. The phrase ‘male-presenting Time Lord’ sounds weirdly similar to me. It’s too specific and technical, while also including a wildly silly element (‘Time Lord’ is a vaguely ethereal, grandiose title that doesn’t gel with earthly, human discussions of gender identity). People just don’t talk like that. Sometimes people write like that, seeking an economy of phrasing that looks good on the page… but nobody actually talks like that. I mean, the context in which it’s used is stupid, but the phrasing itself is stupider. It’s also emblematic of a problem with the script as a whole. It feels like a first draught.

What do I mean by that? Well, there’s just a lot of instances where conversations feel slightly stilted or opportunities are missed. Case in point, there’s a bit where Donna’s discussing her kid growing up with her own mum, and it feels like it was meant to be a poignant discussion of the trials and tribulations of raising a child and then realising that they’re not what you were expecting but their own, completely separate person. What we get is just a placeholder where a couple of jokes occur but nothing of import is really said. Similarly, there’s a line where the Doctor muses that he doesn’t know who he is any more, which feels like it was meant to be developed into a meditation on his sense of identity after so many regenerations, metatextually addressing the show’s loss of a coherent, inter-regenerational identity for its lead character. Absolutely fucking nothing comes of it. There’s even a bit where a UNIT scientific advisor in a wheelchair encounters a flight of stairs and the way it’s shot makes it feel like there should have been a joke there. Maybe there could have been a really slow lift that she has to use while her soldiers rush up the stairs, or maybe she could have made one of them carry her. I’d have taken a lazy, low-hanging quip like “stairs…. My old nemesis” to be honest. But all we get is “sorry about the stairs,” and that’s it. My point is that there’s a superficiality to a lot of the scenes and lines that yells ‘PLACEHOLDER’, and areas that desperately need polish.

Speaking of polish: London is once again too fucking clean. I wish TV shows would stop doing that- making London look like the MCU’s version of fucking New York- all glass skyscrapers and clean streets. The real London is a bizarre, dystopian mix of impersonal steel monuments to capital, crumbling baroque architecture from the middling-glorious past and slumping, poverty-stricken housing from a fucking Dickens novel. The city has a really specific, slightly nightmarish character that most telly shows and films fail miserably to capture. It’s inexcusable in this case, because Doctor Who actually used to do a pretty good job of showing London as it is. Which is mental, since it used to be filmed in Swansea in cocking Wales.

But I digress. My final major issue is that the message of the show’s text is wildly at odds with the metatextual message of the specials’ mere existence. The whole reason the BBC re-hired Tennant and Davies onto the show was to announce a return of the Who everyone loved; a tacit admission than the last few years of lazy virtue-signalling and shoddy script-work had been a mistake that they were keen to move on from. There is literally no other reason to take such an obvious backward step in the show’s development. Yet the episode The Star Beast keeps bringing up Whitaker’s tenure as the Doctor as though it’s something to be celebrated. We get lines like “The Doctor’s a man and a woman. And both. And neither. And more,” (again, nobody fucking talks like that) that feel like an attempt to fold the previous three years into the acceptable canon, when the whole reason the specials are happening is to renounce them and leave them in the cold. Then again, that’s the Beeb for you- it's amazing if the left hand knows what the left hand's doing. If someone's bothered to inform the right hand, it's so surprising as to be frankly suspicious. Add to that the extra layer of complexity that comes from getting Disney to part-fund the show and you’re bound to end up with a confused mess. Also, why did they bother getting Disney to part-fund this? The Special Effects look like something a fourteen year-old could whip up in his bedroom. Which is fine- I never mind the sets wobbling in Who: I just can’t figure out where all the fucking money went.

I think the root problem is two-fold. First, as much as I loved Russell T. Davies’ original time as showrunner, it’s really obvious he’s gotten old. It’s only been fifteen years since his time in charge ended, but sometimes, the ageing process kicks a guy’s arse really suddenly (ask me about waking up one day to discover I now have man-boobs sometime). There’s this interview he did recently about how Davros represents an offensive portrayal of wheelchair users, and it’s clearly just the ramblings of a confused old man. Nobody looks at Davros, creator of the Daleks, and thinks ‘yup- there goes a typical wheelchair user’. Part of the point of his character is that he’s kind of admirable on paper, overcoming age and sickness to achieve the impossible… but he perverts and subverts those expectations by doing something fucking appalling. It’s a nuanced, complex take on the way pain and suffering can make a person sympathetic without necessarily redeeming them. And Russel T. Davies, a once-talented writer who should understand this stuff, just doesn’t get it any more. He’s well-meaning, but he’s clearly just not up to the job any more. I mean, he still has talent- his renewed tenure will be better than Chibnall’s… but maybe it would have been a better idea to let the poor schmuck retire on a high note.

The other problem is deeper and more intractable. The world has changed since Doctor Who was the best thing on television, and it might be that it just can’t work any more. The modern era of Who was born from a place of hope yet, also, a place of marginalisation. It was 2005. The government of the day had dome some pretty fucked up things, but they were nowhere near as evil as the governments who were to succeed them. Sci-fi was still a niche thing allowing for experimentation and weirdness. There were definite good guys and bad guys on the world stage and in domestic politics: there were genuine victims on one side and hateful bigots on the other, and it seemed like it might actually be possible for the underdogs to win for a change. 2023 is a different world. We’ve seen the worst UK governments since Thatcher in the 80s (and people kept voting for them) and the worst US President in history (a Savaloy-orange freak with the hair of a sexually-confused Nazi). On the cultural level, the lines between victims and villains have blurred, with the arrival of the never-ending Oppression Olympics birthing a generation of dead-eyed bullies who hide behind nominal ‘oppressed’ status in order to tear down genuinely nice people (like that time a load of wankers piled onto a scientist who landed a probe on a moving comet FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HUMAN HISTORY because he did while wearing a T-shirt with a stylised naked lady on it). Identity has replaced solidarity as the go-to discussion in progressive (or allegedly progressive) circles. The sci-fi genre itself has become popular- meaning it’s infested with normies who don’t understand it but do want to own it. Doctor Who was never built for this world. The change in culture and society over the last just-under-twenty years is more significant, in some ways, than the changes that occurred between its original outing in the 60s and its reboot in 2005, and I don’t know if it can survive those changes. We inhabit a world where actual heroism and even basic decency seem less important than the performance of those qualities in ways that a mass audience can understand and where nuanced solutions, informed by kindness, are verboten because everyone’s supposed to pick a side. There’s no room for a genteel, British/Alien gadabout with two hearts and a silly sonic screwdriver in a world where the battle-lines are drawn and performative virtue has become a universal aspiration. In order to fit our tawdry world, Doctor Who would have to stop being Doctor Who. And, to be blunt, our culture doesn’t really deserve any form of Doctor Who at the moment.

So yes, The Star Beast is pretty good. It’s a nice slice of television that fails on many fronts, but still manages to entertain. But what next? Where can we possibly go from here? Personally, I intend to watch the specials and- if they’re okay- Ncuti Gatwa’s era after that. Then I think I’m done. By rights, the show should face cancellation while it’s still strong enough to bow out gracefully, but if that doesn’t happen, I’ll still have to pick a point to stop watching. Sooner or later, all good things must come to an end, and if the BBC isn’t big enough to admit that, at least I am. I suggest you pick somewhere to draw a line, too.

[9w1ft]

what are your thoughts on hits different? it's such a wonderful song and i desperately wanna have it on spotify soon, i can't go a single day without listening to it 6837 times a day. a part of me also clowns hopes that it'd have a music video too 😅

i wrote something on it but istg tumblr come on man whydya have to make it impossible to search for posts it’s been such a pain, and even more of a pain recently it seems because i feel like the search results not only don’t search the text of asks but also seem to be putting results in reverse chronological order…?! ack!

ok sorry so

i have a more deep and meta thought that i’m keeping to myself for the time being because it’s more overarching and requires a big layup that i don’t think i’ve hammered down just yet so maybe i’ll have more to say later

but just overall i love the song very much and i particularly love the construction of the argumentative antithetical dream girl line and how grammatically she is absolutely calling the subject of the song dream girl and that part really gets a chuckle out of me every time i listen to it

i like the schrödinger’s cat aspect of the ending of the song, where she places you in the moment before you know if the cat’s dead or not.. if it’s her key in the door or if it’s all in her mind.

oh and of course, big fan of the wrinkle in time like the crease by your eye line 🥴

and a side note, leading up to the release of hits different, karlie posted this to tiktok that had the bgm that included the lyrics “you see us in the club” which to me felt like a nod to the opening line of hits different, if that sort of thing is a thing that pings for you in terms of the idea that karlie drops hints about taylor’s songs beforehand because she’s heard them. this in aggregate with all the other midnightsy things karlie did pre-album had me feeling safe about the song even when reports were that the lyrics were heavy af. i’m grateful it’s a bop!

[hekateinhell]

I’ve always adhered to Interpretation 1 and Interpretation 3 the most and I think they even compliment each other. As you point out, the text is the text, and we don’t really have any reason to question Armand’s motivations during that scene, he’s being as much of an open book as he can be, pouring his heart out to Lestat like never before and it’s as ugly as it is gut wrenching and beautiful. Is it toxic? Most definitely. Is it unhealthy asf? Absolutely. Is it also the truth? Also yes. And at the time of this confession, he did think Louis and Marius were dead and I feel like he was trying to be like “see these two here? These two we both loved so much and we just lost? Well, this seems like a good moment to tell you I love you more than I ever loved them, and you won’t even think about loving me in the same way” (even if we know this isn’t exactly true, it’s not like Lestat contradicts Armand directly to his face). Throwing Daniel’s name as a point of reference, as much as he adores him, wouldn’t have meant much to Lestat given that Lestat doesn’t have a history with Daniel, whereas he’s very much aware of the depths of Armand’s love for Louis and Marius because he loves them just as much. And still, Armand loves him more. Which is just BLEAK to me lmao and that’s the beauty of it I love them so much your honor (and you and your meta!!!) xoxo DA 🥹

PS LMAO @ your comment section and Anne saying that about Daniel in BC. Mama just didn’t give a fuck 😭😭😭 left his ass in some fancy ass couch at TG while the action unfolded, like that one Rolling Stone article where the interviewer mentioned he walked into Hailey Bieber staring at the wall in some hotel room while she waited for Justin to come back 💀 It’s ok tho that’s why we’re here ♥️

I woke up for water at 5 AM, checked my phone like the terminally online millennial I am, promptly choked and then thought I dreamed this ask until I peeked in the ask box just now... because I know you did not come in here and call Daniel Hailey Bieber 😭 which makes Lestat Selena, right? I can't live like this DA, have mercy.

But gosh, yeah, thank you for your feedback on this one! It's such a loaded scene no matter how you choose to interpret it! I've broken it down firmly within the L/A context before; it is BLEAK but I do have hope for them. 🥹

Prior to The Scene, Lestat's pondering, 'And where is Armand, my poor desperate Armand, who had been beating the walls with his fists, my poor Armand?' Then his 'poor desperate Armand' lays right into him a few pages later. (Much needed, very deserved, but still... woof). And I think such a large part of that is that Armand knew he couldn't trust Lestat with Louis and then he was proven right in the worst way. Lestat acknowledges this as well, after Armand has left him even more shell-shocked. Ultimately, I love what Anne did there -- it was necessary for both of them and their relationship to grow.

My meta and I love you more 🥹💖 It's pointless nonsense ADD work, but it sure sparks joy. 😌

[frillyalamode]

ʚ(´꒳`)ɞ 2023 egl wardrobe post ♡.•♬✧

hellooo happy february! as always i am slightly late but better late than never :-) here is my first wardrobe post! over a year into the fashion, and i feel like i’ve settled pretty well into my style and understanding of what i like to wear, and also importantly, what i don’t like, which means - i have a LOT of things to sell, and i originally planned to put them in a section at the bottom, but i am SO tired after taking so many photos so i will just describe them i suppose. hope this post helps anyone with inspo with their own style!

(n.b. obviously, think long and hard about purchases rather than buying on a whim and not fully considering the item’s suitability for you and your lifestyle, rather than whether you liked the look of it on someone else)

also i didn't bother putting waist ties and detachable bows and whatnot on for most items because i Was Not Bothered so avert ur eyes if you don't like that!

main pieces

jsks

metamorphose temps de fille - shirring frill jsk (2009)

this one is the dream dress i never knew i had, my gateway into meta's full shirring pieces! i found it while scrolling through xianyu and i took a chance (seeing as it wasn't expensive) hoping it'd fit well and it did! the sizing and length is perfect for me and it's just such good quality, as expected of meta~

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

le carrousel - agnes jumperskirt in wine and black

when i got these i really wanted solids that would be comfortable and sturdy - le carrousel delivered (as you will see later too they are FAVOURITE indie brand for sizing and quality)!! i had to take off the detachable bows on the wine one to steam it haha

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

metamorphose temps de fille - marine border shirring jsk (2008)

i saw this by chance on xianyu Just as i was trying to get more into sailor and so i jumped on it and got this, No Regrets! i need to wear this sometime soon when it's warmer

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

metamorphose temps de fille - maring stripe jsk (2006)

my oldest item!! i got this at a swapmeet with my comm from the host and at a great price!! it's a bit greyer than the stock photo on lolibrary would indicate but it's adorable and very nice for summer!

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

ops

grove deer (chinese indie) - black chiffon solid op

saw this somewhere else so i looked for it on xianyu - very luckily i saw it in my size for like 25 pounds so that's a deal!! very glad i don't have to worry about stains or damage too much wearing this

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

metamorphose temps de fille - trump poodle embroidery short sleeve op (2008)

this is my most recent acquisition! i actually forgot entirely that i'd bidded on it until i got the email saying i'd won the auction Lmao thankfully i had the funds and i'm so happy to have this!! especially since i love meta and i love red, and am trying to get more red in my wardrobe. the bodice is a bit short and tight tho so i might get it altered into a skirt? we shall see hehe

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

skirts

tanaka l/haciooji (chinese indie) - teddy gobelin suspender skirt

i had this saved on my taobao for a while but the shorter length i wanted sold out by the time i was ready to buy :,) however i actually really like this length too, it's super proto! the teddies are a bit wonky but that's ok

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

le carrousel - cathedral stained glass skirt

i ADORE stained glass prints!!! i was so excited when i saw le carrousel made these and i got it with my first order from them!! i really wanna get more into classic gothic (gossic?) and it makes me feel more cool than i am lol

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

chinese indie - ribbon lace skirt in black, white, sax

i've been in desperate need of sturdy solids so i searched high and low, and found this listing on tb! they did custom waist which i was so excited about and they accepted my request to do sax! i got a pink one too but i think they used the wrong shade for that one :,( anyway these skirts have the perfect amount of detail on them to make it feel interesting while being a solid! also i need to baste the ribbon ties down eventually they always come undone .....

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

chinese indie - pink gingham ribbon lace skirt

this is actually a different brand and Hoo boy this purchase was so weird - i asked to customise for 90 cm waist and they send me this skirt with like 120 cm waist unstretched??? i couldn't be bothered to sell it and i realised the alteration was easy enough, so it now fits me! (albeit a bit loosely and with a lot of bulk at the waist)

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

blouses

le carrousel - anne's blouse (with customisation) in white

my only white blouse before got stained mint in the wash lol so i needed a new white blouse quite desperately but all the ones on tb in my style were too small or too terrible in quality :( i got v v excited when i saw le carrousel had this but i thought the front was too plain to wear with a skirt so i asked for pintucks and lace to be added to the front and they actually said yes to that customisation!! so it's not only customised in size but also in design :D i promise it looks very cute it just needs to be washed.... and steamed.....

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

le carrousel - classic princess blouse in white

don't come for me for the wrinkles this blouse also needs to be washed lol i wore it on my birthday!! it has those detachable neckties that cross in front of ur neck and look So Cool but move around a lot hbfhd anyway! i adore this blouse it makes me feel very elegant

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

le carrousel - basic sailor blouse in white

i needed a blouse to go with my marine jsks and that i could wear with solid skirts to make sailor coords :D very happy with it and i might get another one with black trim.... after my long list of other stuff i need to prioritise haha

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

miss point (chinese indie) - ivory chiffon sleeve stand collar blouse

this was my first blouse in my first lolita order (off DI haha)!! it's like the last thing from that order i have left, because it's really nice quality and was customised for my measurements! (even though it has that net lace on everything which i hate)

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

outerwear

unknown - ivory lace cardigan

got it at the same swapmeet above!! i just love layering so i was looking for something like this to help with that :D it is getting lots of use (actually also in my mori coords!)

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

unknown korean brand - red glitter knit cardigan

i got this for the very good price of Free at the same swapmeet! the shape is a bit strange on the body unless you drape it in a specific way but it's really neat for showing the blouse or necklaces while having the extra layer!!

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

metamorphose temps de fille - sailor parka with patch (2018)

i saw this on mercari in my Sailor Item Acquisition phase and was like Oh? because good deal and NWOT to boot, so i saved it and when i was ready to buy things it was still listed!! so obviously i got it :D i was super worried about it not fitting and zipping up, or being super tight in the armscye but it's just right! not too tight but not loose at all

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

footwear

here are most of my footwear options.... i have more socks but i don't like them as much so i didn't take them out lol

the ones in the bottom 2 rows are painstakingly found over a Long time on tb (especially happy to have found the torchon lace socks)! upper row tights are from snag and the sax ankle socks are from a french brand which i forget... i also have more footwear on the way!!

for the shoes from left to right, they're elf armoire (or armorie depending on where u look lol), bodyline (bought on the listing on tb), and antaina! i'm especially pleased about the last shoes cause i really wanted cork sole shoes that would be nice to walk in :-)

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

accessories

these are most of the accessories i wear with egl! there are certainly more small detachable bows and things in my wardrobe i simply did not want to take them all out.

the top section is stuff from le carrousel, i actually got the stained glass and white headbow for free alongside my orders which is so nice!! the large sailor bow goes with the sailor blouse.

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

the muff and crown necklace i bought from mintypile on insagrarn when i was just starting out! absolutely no regrets i love that necklace to death. the other stuff is mostly collected here and there and aren't specifically lolita. actually i just realised the top row of earrings and rings are all vintage, and i wear other earrings from my normie wardrobe with lolita too! i also forgot to photograph my wax seal necklace from a friend from waxpoetic.... Oops....

the two headdresses are like the only ones i own currently, the left one searched for very carefully on tb to fit my strange criteria and the right from majoly on insta (it's SO cute and majoly is very nice)!! i have a white headdress on the way hehe and then i will be satisfied

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

things to sell

well... there's a lot ..... my style and priorities when it comes to construction and quality have changed a lot, and it took me a while to know what was stuff that i liked on me vs stuff i liked on other people (crucial difference)

i'm selling quite a few blouses because of fit or because of material and design, and i have some items which i would keep if not for personal taste (colour or fit or other things)

i'm most sad to say goodbye to my dim light holy jsk in sax because i adore the print in this colourway, i really do, but the jsk is just far too ott for me to wear often enough to justify owning it, plus i don't own the right items to coord it in different ways :,(

i really liked the look of the dim light skirts at the laforet mayonaka granba this year!! it's a nice happy medium between the elaborate print and a less fussy design, it's just too bad i forgot about the event and missed the day ;; i heard they didn't sell out tho so perhaps i can get them if meta lists them later!!

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

things on the way

very excited abt my Pakige on the way from 42agent, i got some Deals and stuff that if it fits will be very cool and necessary!!

from tb: white cutsew, white rectangle headdress, and various footwear basics

from xianyu: the same grove deer op but in wine (for like 8 pounds!!), a white maxicimam blouse (it's lovely size so i think it'll fit!!), and a pink btssb cutsew (this one is like the aspirational purchase, i'm less hopeful about the fit but it would be awesome if it works!!)

i have 2 custom jsks that have been cooking at glittertale since july last year (due to mistakes in construction and general indie brand problems) and i think they'll be Actually done soon!

lastly (very exciting) i have a mucha print op!! from sweet mildred!! which is Omg because i love both mucha print items (SO MUCH) and sweet mildred's stuff! i made an order before in 2021 but i think she had some personal things going on so it never happened and i got a refund to buy this op instead :D

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

ok that is it!! the end of my wardrobe post :D very long but i hope u enjoyed it if u read it through ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚