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#and do I need to say how much I hate their only interaction
outrunningthedark · 22 hours
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I dont think he needs to come out defending Lou - Lou can handle himself he’s a grown man and has taken ( I think at least) the best course of action (stay silent until the season starts back up again). However I do have a lot of mutuals who are queer men who feel little hurt by the lack of acknowledgement for this queer relationship. Like getting excited that your favourite show has a relationship that you feel represented (just like with Michael and David) only to have silence from the social media team and the actors (well we clearly know why Lou is currently silent -when he was active he did talk Beautifully about them) can be hurtful. I don’t know if this makes any sense at all. But I did find it a bit odd ( and this is not me assuming malicious intent - I like to give the benefit of the doubt) some of the patterns I’ve seen. At the end of the day everyone is free to do whatever they want - while at the same time fans can feel how they want to feel. I understand both perspectives.
I don’t know if any of this makes sense -it got away from me as I was writing 😂
I know what you're saying, and I agree. I think people are (I assume unintentionally) lumping calling out bad behavior and acknowledging the canon relationship together as the same course of action, but...it's not. (I mean, from what I saw of the reaction to my post there was a lot of hand-waving for why Oliver's "doing the right thing" because fandom is out of control.) I don't think Oliver needs to "defend" Lou or even Tommy as a character. (He didn't defend any of the women on the show until they were gone so why start now, honestly.) But there IS a way to take a stand without even saying anything, isn't there? Post a story. Post a pic. Share a fan edit. Captions not needed. The content would speak for itself. He's not staying silent because he hates the story line - sorry Buddies! - because he definitely knew that if the GA reaction went well BuckTommy was going to continue past those four episodes. He's staying silent because he lets these people behind a screen get in his head and make him feel like he has to walk on eggshells while "interacting with fandom". And listen, we all get it! He's gotta do what he's gotta do to protect his mental health! But you can acknowledge his feelings without dismissing the feelings of the queer fans who are only seeing a guy essentially do a 180 because public pressure is too high. How is he "representing" anybody if he doesn't even celebrate the story he's telling? [There's a quick-fix to all of this, btw. Get a fucking social media manager to do the posting so he doesn't have to see any of this shit with his own eyes if it's gonna drag him down that much.]
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nekkomaa · 3 days
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Warnings: Violence, inappropriate language, manipulation, toxic relationships.
Notes: I finally managed to finish this chapter without hating it!!! If you notice any errors please let me know, I know very little English and so I end up translating everything using an online translator, and you know sometimes there are errors...
Portuguese version published on Wattpad
Word counts: 1.435
The job was simple: break into the house of one of Markrov's henchmen, get any clues about their connection, and hopefully more clues about the human trafficking that had been going on for months. However, the job proved complicated when he had to deal not only with the guards but also with a woman, well, he was told that the guy had a wife, but he didn't expect her to be in the house.
The job was supposed to be simple. So why instead of just two in the car were there now three?
He actually considered the idea of killing her, leaving her in the house and making it look like some kind of ridiculous accident, just to confuse them and give them more time to act. But he felt sorry, Simon never liked killing women, he didn't even know if you were lying to them or not, but Ghost never minded killing women, not if they were involved in anything illegal.
You could well be in on it with your husband, and he wouldn't know until it was too late. Deep down your instincts tell you that you're just an ignorant woman who doesn't even know about her own husband, which would explain some of your behavior, but Ghost doesn't usually give people the benefit of the doubt, he's more of a shoot first ask questions later kind of guy.
So why is he taking you along? The only answer Ghost has come up with at the moment is that you could be of great help, a decoy perhaps. If this were a kidnapping, he could even use you as a bargaining chip, to find out how much the husband would be willing to pay to get his beautiful trophy wife back, but everyone knows that her husband wouldn't pay a penny to get you back.
As soon as they arrived at the safe house the first thing they did was tie you properly to a chair, they knew you wouldn't be able to escape even if they let you loose, not with two trained men of their size, but it was good to be safe. Ghost barely looked at you, he prefers not to memorize too many faces of people who will probably end up dead, he already has enough people to haunt his dreams, he doesn't need one more.
As soon as Ghost removed the tape from his mouth, he was ready to leave, anything not to be in the same room as you. He wasn't too surprised when you didn't scream, I mean, he realized you were a clever little thing the moment you decided to collaborate with him, maybe deep down he expected you to scream and shout at the top of your lungs even though you saw you were in the middle of nowhere and knew it wouldn't do any good, he kind of expected any reaction from you, just so he could be rude without feeling so guilty. He doesn't even know whether or not you were involved and aware of what your husband was doing.
“I thought she'd have some resistance, you know screaming and all.” Soap seemed excited by the discovery, a little too excited, but Ghost had learned to ignore strange comments and actions during his time in the army, after all, none of them had a good sanity, not even him.
“I think she understood that no one will come even if she screams.” Ghost just turned and left the room, heading for the room he would be staying in, he would leave you for Soap to deal with, meanwhile he would find out more information in other ways.
Soap appeared at the door a few minutes later, saying that you had fainted, overwhelmed by everything, Ghost just nodded and told him to try again later.
And then Soap was in charge of trying to get more information out of you when you were awake. Ghost felt he'd already had too much interaction with you, and let's face it, Soap was great at getting people to open up, so he was an infinitely better chance. Even though he initially failed, Ghost still believed that Jonny could achieve something.
“Why can't we have a clean safe house for once in our lives?” Soap complains as he throws himself on the bed and dust rises, he coughs a few times trying to shake the dust away in a failed attempt.
“We're in a safe house, not a vacation home Jonny. At least this one has furniture.” Ghost's voice comes out sarcastic, he doesn't take his eyes off the computer, grumbling when something doesn't go as he expects.
“How long is this going to last?” Soap rambles to himself, not really caring whether Ghost listens or not.
“Preferably as little as possible.” He answers back and lets out a strange sound, a muffled, croaking laugh. “I found something you might want to read.” Ghost passes the computer to Soap, the small print on the screen showing something interesting.
The night was colder than he thought it would be, probably because winter was approaching. Ghost stood guard in the early hours of the night, Soap was passed out on the dusty bed in the bedroom, at least this safe house had some comfort, in the last few missions the safe houses had nothing more than just the bathroom sink and the shower, of course, only cold water.
He busied himself going over the information he had about the mission. It was routine, something he was used to and something he could relate to now, if he let his mind wander to any other thought than the mission he knew he would lose himself in a spiral and Ghost couldn't let that happen. Not while he still had a mission to finish, not while he was still on that mission.
He wouldn't give you anything more than a few glances, just to make sure you were still in your sleep/fainting state. It would be tedious for anyone else to sit up half the night watching someone else, without much to occupy themselves, but Ghost doesn't really care, too used to babysitting at night to care that much.
It's actually kind of pathetic now that he thinks about it, the fact that he's watching you. A weak, untrained woman, tied to a chair and passed out. You'd never get out of that house without one of the two of you noticing, Ghost could be mistaken about you, you could be a clever little mouse playing dumb, but he still doubts you'd be able to get rid of the ropes holding you down without making a sound.
He's only awake to keep people out of the house, that's the truth. You're no danger to him. Too fearful, not even able to take the pressure of a few questions and already fainting.
Ghost remembers somewhere in the back of his mind that you're just a civilian, and as far as he knows you have every right to cry and faint out of fear and exhaustion, he sometimes forgets that people aren't like him, that most people aren't in the army.
And in a corner of his mind comes the nagging voice reminding him that for all he knows you might actually be being held in private. But again, it's just an assumption, not confirmed information. He found almost nothing about you in the files, your name was mentioned once in a file, but it was so vague that it could easily have been forgotten.
Ghost rolls his eyes at the thought and snorts, he'd rather not think about it too much, if he knew that bastard was holding you against your will he certainly wouldn't spare his fingers when he finally managed to catch the lowlife. Ghost simply hates violence against innocent, unarmed women. He also hates the memories that come with that thought.
A heavy sigh leaves his lips, he would definitely kill for a cup of tea or an alcoholic drink right now, anything to slow down his mind and relax his tense body. But well, unfortunately there's nothing in this house apart from drinking water, and if they're lucky, some kind of canned food.
The sound is very low, but it's still noticeable if you're paying attention. Ghost looks away from the window and sees you looking around, your gaze unfocused and lost, surely it would take you a few seconds to fully regain consciousness.
That's when Ghost knows it's going to be a long night. Maybe he'll wake Soap up and let him deal with it.
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madou-dilou · 5 months
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"Hey uncle Scar, when I'm king, what does that make you ?" "A monkey's uncle."
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bonus under the cut
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awakefor48hours · 1 month
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My grade school teachers: Be careful of your thoughts, for they become your words…
Me, neurodivergent and has millions of intrusive thoughts:
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warning: I talk about my intrusive thoughts in the tags
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cowboy-robooty · 2 months
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not going to name names bc thats messed up but omfg i was tryna find records of old heta fandom shit to show inu right and i found a hetalia iceberg and I SAW MY 2019 OPP ON THERE. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE MY EYES BULGED OUT OF MY SKULL BECAUSE IM NOT EVEN JOKING I HATED THIS BITCH SO MUCH WHEN I WAS 14 AND NGL I STILL HATE HER. I DIDNT SAY NOTHING AND KEPT CURTIOUS AND NORMAL OBVIOUSLY BUT ON THE INSIDE I WANTED HER ASS DEAD EVERYDAY AND WELL... you all know im never in the loop with things and had no fucking clue that she was just the antichrist for an entire group of people lol. SHE WAS MY ANTICHRIST THO. I HATED HER AND SHE HATED ME OKAY AND IM LIKE RODF SEEING HOW SHES ON THE FUCKING HETALIA ICEBERG I WAS LIKE OMG.... I THOUGHT ONLY I FUCKING DESPISED HER
#i hated her to an unhealthy amount imma be so real#bc ive never done an internet sin of like shittalking outside of priv accs/dms#or interacting anonymously with people i hate etc etc#but there are things that are like corruptions for your own soul from how sour hatred can get#and she did that to me. and i only hated her enough to do that#i have only ever in my life actively hatestalked her blog when i was 14 bc she made me so fucking mad everyday#ive only ever in my life hatestalked her like shes the only reason i can comprehend why people are compelled to hatestalk#this was all back when i was like 14 tho lol and#ugh... im sorry. as you can tell the hatred i feel towards her is like soul corrupting level#i want to say im sure she has grown up to be a fine person and logically i know this is true#but also part of me is like there is no fucking way this bitch grew up to be a fine person like the lobotomy part of my brain is saying that#i will not tell you who she is btw so dont send me an ask begging for the user#and if for some reason you have a hunch who it is. you never know you could be wrong and even if youre not i dont condone harassment towards#her or like yknow just any association like leave her tf alone#i dont have fans who love me enough or are crazy parasocial to harass someone i personally hate/hated#but still just in case#shes not an actual bad person. i just hate her so much that it makes ME a bad person on the inside#its why im so glad that i turned 15 and went i need to stop looking at her forever or else i will reincarnate as a mosquito#ill only talk to u abt her if we are at least acquatiances with eachother#and i dont think anybody will be able to figure out who she is actually bc i never once was mean to her outside of telling my close friends#i wanted her dead. me when i dont act like a beast online despite the vietnamese devil inside me
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pa-pa-plasma · 8 days
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one of the things that will always destroy me is people believing that good story = darker/more mature/more sexual. this belief has ruined so many stories that could have been amazing & has prevented almost everyone from enjoying other really good stories simply because the age range it's aimed at is one they believe can't have complex themes, characters, plot, etc etc. they don't believe they can be moved by something a publisher or studio decided is for kids & so write it off without even thinking about it. biggest curse of being a writer who actually loves stories & telling them is that literally no one else cares in the most pessimistic, higher-than-thou, capitalism brainrot way you can imagine. & it's all automatic. because that's just what you're taught.
#like people who love all kids media uncritically is another problem#but i find an even bigger one is people not believing animated stuff & younger age range stuff can impact you#like imagine trying to explain something you love so much it makes you cry#& every single time people react as if you told them something batshit off the walls insane like you only eat dirt or something#& they need to help you because there is clearly something wrong with you#& no matter how you explain it they always look at you like a crazy person#i feel like no matter what the kinds of art i love will always get shoved to the back of the closet#how i explain the hopelessness of trying to convince someone they're allowed to watch cartoons#but they're adamant they aren't because they're ''too old for that kind of thing''#it really makes me want to cry. & it makes me angry#anyways this is all to say that the minecraft movie is bad because people are afraid to interact with silly things in good faith#& complete 100% seriousness. they cannot take a concept like minecraft seriously#& so they can't see what it's REALLY about#it's not just haha silly block animal & because they can't see it as it is without the filter of ''for kids''#it will be a bad movie. & it won't represent everything everyone who grew up with that game sees in it#i hate seeing a huge problem & either no one else sees it or they do but just don't care because they don't think it's a problem#it IS a problem. it's a HUGE problem that people think they're not allowed to play or have fun or interact with silly concepts seriously#please take shit seriously i'm crying & i'm begging. we could have had something beautiful#people's inability to acknowledge beauty just because the setting is. in their eyes. for kids. is literally ruining art#& i'm gonna start killing about it#Animorphs save me............................................
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deepseawave · 2 months
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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog
Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️
Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D
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#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a#while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with#and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like#him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing#is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao#she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t#emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao#oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about#max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too#especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually#not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do#you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone#but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions#everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some#degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be#annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me#whoops this post got away from me again oh dear#I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio#giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious#interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving#beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some#of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻‍♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him#god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)
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butnotbubblegum · 2 months
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, don’t read them if you’re having a bad day, they’ll probably not help in the slightest.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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fossys · 4 months
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Hey guess who remembered why we stopped being active in plural communities in the first place <-people are dicks
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g0thsoojin · 2 months
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🦴
#im like very much having a crisis right now... i mean to most ppl it isnt that serious lmaoooo#but tbh i am a loser and tumblr is 80% of my life and most of my social life#all social interactions i get are on tumblr ._.#so i dont want to keep alienating myself on it because then im just ruining it for myself and removing the only place#and source of social interaction and attention :/#i personally can not for my life comprehend this because i really dont take other peoplës venting personally#but ever since i started using twitter and tumblr i have ruined so many connections .. by venting on my own account.....#and now.. when i lost and fucked it up with the love of my life... just bc i vented and he interpreted it from his pov..#and got hurt when i wrote things abt being lonely and unwanted WHILE talking to him everyday and having him call me beautiful and care abt m#... i understand why he got hurt and i understand his pov bc it looked like i pulled away and distanced myself and only complained and that#he didnt matter to me when in fact he was EVERYTHING to me and i lived off his attention#i hate that i ruined the best thing i could ever have just bc i have this pathological need to share my every thought#like shut the fuck up... i wish i wouldve shut the fuck up and instead gushed abt how much i liked him which was what i wanted to do#my avpd just made me feel stupid bc when i did he didnt interact with those posts and then i felt embarrassed#which like i know how fucking stupid avpd and bpd makes me and i hate it but i cant stop it#god i regret it so much like my dumb ass blog isnt worth losing him over... it just isnt#only an online connection.. makes it so hard to see bc he only saw my diary where i complain he didnt see everything else :(((#so he thought that he wasnt important to me and then slowly started to detach himself from me (understandably) god i wanna die#so yeah ive started to HATE my main account. bc it has ruined so much for me. plus lately ppl have started being mean#and i get it its the internet ppl suck but i AM so fkn sensitive. and i get sad and hurt really easily#and i feel anxious abt venting bc im scared of getting a mean ask after#like... i feel so fucking alone and idk what to do. all i want to do now is vent vent vent but ive started to feel like venting is bad#and harmful and only ruins my friendships and connections and makes ppl be mean to me#i honestly wish i wouldve stopped venting every thought looooong ago#and that i had a more normal blog and had a secret vent blog and that he didnt read all my miserable posts#bc then maybe.... he wouldve actually understood how much i fkn love him and hadnt looked in other places and now i lost him#bc i really dont blame him bc i know what he is struggling with and seeing me who he cares for so much say those things...#i get it 100% and thats why im so pissed with myself for just not stopping!!!! why cant i stop????? whats wrong with me#i just feel so lonely and like no ones listening but he was listening to me i just had to be brave and go to him#plus all my venting made him think that im like in severe emotional distress every second and that i was too fragile to talk to
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cherrymoonvol6 · 17 days
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.
#lately i've been going to twitter to get some lunter action bc most fanartists are there#and god it's just so annoying that over there they're stuck in a 5 day cycle of the same discourse over and over again#is it okay to ship this or is this a dirty nasty morally questionable proship? uwu#then the realization is 'yes lunter actually isn't a disgusting perverted proship which makes it okay to exists even if i HATE it'#and then two days later someone is like um akshually it's disgusting because incest and here we fucking go again#god. we need to extirp anyone under 16 years old from the internet. you have not developed enough brain matter to be on social media#(now if you're an adult unironically arguing in that discourse you either have a lot of free time or i just need to block you)#but man. like i wanna say to those lunter defenders..... can't you see what's wrong?#can't you see that the moment you've chosen to accept the premise of there being 'good' and 'reproachable' ships you've already lost?#that someone will always be able to pick a 'problematic' aspect in any ship ever?#that entertaining that idea from the beginning is the absolute worst thing you could do?#like i prefer when people call lunter boring. okay yeah i do Not see what you're seeing but also#thank fucking GOD we're bringing up actually relevant stuff here#like part of me is so fascinated about this. how murder seems to be the only thing that's accepted in media as a narrative tool#(and at some extent even that is too much)#but this yet again goes back to..... well what the fuck do you interact with fiction and media in the first place#when you're COMPLETELY unwilling to acknowledge any of these things as FICTION (not real) in the first place?#where your favorite character is the most morally correct and your favorite ship is the 'healthiest'?#i just wish we were able to talk about who the characters are and what their dynamic means in the show you know#instead of recycling the same reasons why it's morally 'okay' to be interested in them over and over and over and over and over and over and
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ur-stepdad · 3 months
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internalized transphobia is fucked up. i started transitioning 6 years ago and there's still shit i'm only now starting to accept about myself
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papercutsmp3 · 9 months
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bro is inquisitive
#thinking of the possibilities of how it could be worse it's funny how you start to get addicted to thinking like a danmei writer#you are like anddd what if this person was (insert a guy who coughed once in chapter 15) anyways#i managed to not get many spoilers bc i hate it but i have always suspected that shi mei had a thing for cwn firstly bc i once saw a ship#tag and was like ?? well that is not uncommon as people ship shrek with chanyeol (im people) but secondly after that scene where mo ran#pinky interrogated him i was sooo 100% sure of it. but then there was nothing much so i let it go. the one mini spoiler i saw was#the enemy on pinterest who replied to a pic of a character saying it was shi mei/other name (didn't look at it) so it was why i knew#he was classically someone else. but even without that his ass was raising suspicion just for the way how blank he was#and i knew it was intentional so i kept thinking who he could be and my guess was xu shuanglin (rest in pieces poor guy)#bc i thought that both of them had the same spiritual essence or something. also the guy in the motel at the beginning who also had water#essense could only be either of them. but this is not the point bc then i was thinking that shi mei was simultaneously mo nian#bc why would he have the reason to be annoyed with mo ran to that extent. and also bc i knew there was a fire and hua binance has face burn#but mo ran chopped his head off bless his souls and good for him so how else can that be worse#he could also be that child of nangong yan who had his mother die bc of mo ran and mom he would also have a reason to try and compare#himself to mo ran in every way and hate him but why would he need to store nangong blood for mount jiao is he is nangong himself#but that would be great for disgusting points bc he would be mo ran's half brother doing all that ??#im just taking a break from throwing up bc of his ass trying to assault cwn every chance he gets and idk anything yet#so it would be interesting to keep guessing his motives as i do not get it yet but also (procceed to throw up)#also his interactions with corpse taxian ?? god tier. taxian is in the middle of diss battle drops his mic after every sentence#the crowd (me) cheers. moving on but i really enjoy insane plot twists i wish i remembered well what i was thinking while reading tgcf#the widely known thing is that i didn't even consider that fu yao and nan feng were fengqing it's my favorite thing bc i wholeheartedly#believed the little guys just loved their generals way too much#00
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eldritchqueerture · 5 months
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birthdays were fun when you were a kid but now in the age of cellphone and facebook (yes poland still uses it) its just a day where everyone constantly wants something from me and bothers me and im supposed to be grateful
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slippery-minghus · 6 months
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hmm. had an actual conversation with nightmare coworker today that seemed mutually productive. she apologized for saying some bullshit that hurt my feelings and i clarified that my intentions are to help not to undermine her, and we both agreed that there's no competition against each other and that it's the lack of growth in our role that's the problem. it was...productive.
and further cementing for me that it is time to begin making my Exit. i will be sending out my resume to a few places this weekend.
i'm still processing the conversation, and am struggling to place myself in where i am responsible to better my behavior. because i genuinely don't want to be an ass, even though i really don't like this lady and will jump for joy the day i never have to see her again. she stated that she knows my intentions aren't to hurt her, and that she thinks i'm very kind. i apologized for if my behavior came off as undermining her, and said that my intentions are only to better my own growth—and that i know she's trying to succeed too. i validated her feelings, and complemented the effort she is putting in.
where i'm struggling with is: am i in the wrong/causing harm and needing to change if the issue is that her feelings are incongruent with what she knows of my intentions? her feelings are her responsibility (WOW i almost typed "her feelings are my responsibility". i feel like that's a freudian slip) and she states that she knows i don't mean to hurt her. i'm going to try to be more clear in wording my intentions with her (she feels like me trying to take work off her plate is to undermine her. when really, i'm caught up and see her getting overwhelmed, and i want to help and also have something to do since i'm bored).
but i'm really struggling to look at my role in this and pass judgement on myself. i can and want to do better, and i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'm always so hesitant to say it's not my fault or i didn't do something bad. like i can't trust my judgement on that. my intentions were good, her bad feelings are ones caused by her insecurities, which she more or less has expressed to be aware that they are not true—the hurtful thing she said to me, she acknowledged was said out of hurt and not what she actually thinks. so, is it fair to say i'm not the bad guy? i'm not in the wrong? i know good intentions that still result in harm don't absolve anyone, but when the things that are clashing are insufficient communication and reactive insecurities... i'm not a monster, am i?
#well. i AM probably a monster for how much i dislike this lady#but i don't ACT on it#and i genuinely couldn't care less about her. i participate in decent human pleasantries because i am a decent human.#and at work we're stuck together#the thing that's irked me so much about this conversation is just.. her self centeredness#that she thinks everyone is out to get her. to undermine her. whatever.#bitch nobody cares about you enough one way or the other to put in that kind of effort. i sure don't#i empathize but i do not sympathize. to feel that pit that makes you feel like the worst kind of center of attention#i get it. but genuinely you are not the main character and no one is going to spend their limited time and energy to slowly attack you#you are not the cat with all the knives pointed at it#it's a terrible feeling to feel like you are! but when it influences your behavior to the point that you are making snide comments#to people who have no option not to interact with you then uh. then you're in the wrong buddy#and the people around you (who cannot easily leave! bc work!) should not have to bend over backwards to assure you#that they're not pointing knives at you. to protect themselves from your feelings making you say mean shit#like yes. i can be more clear with my intentions. i'm generally not the greatest at that. but my baseline that i want to#modify my behavior from is NOT one that a regular well adjusted person would take as anything but kind#and if a regular well adjusted person got a little offput by me volunteering to take work off their hands we would've had a very chill#3 sentence conversation about it MONTHS AGO.#i understand and respect (even if i find it annoying and overbearing) the need for me to announce my intentions like im working in a kitchen#and saying 'hot water' or 'knife' as i move around other people but we shouldn't have reached this conclusion this way#and frankly who's to fucking say me being more clear with my intentions will only feed the flames of her thinking i'm out to get her!#'i caught up on my stuff and your plate looks full. i'm bored. anything i can do to help?' could be a pointed knife for all i know!!#and if it is- and my actions still hurt her in that scenario- am i still responsible for the hurt caused??#like WHERE DOES IT FUCKING E N D ?#personal#*exhales* okay i feel better now#i just hate talking about my interactions with her bc i just want NOTHING to do with it. i want her out of my head!!#but until i process it i can't let go#and i'm still going to have to go over all of this with my shrink tomorrow#it just makes me mad how much of my time this bitch takes up. i'm not getting paid to think about work right now!!!!
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tovaicas · 1 year
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wild to me that stb made it front and centre (all but waving a billboard in your face) that hingashi doesn’t have primal issues like eorzea does bc the populace doesn’t implicitly think of their ‘lesser’ beastman races as anything other than different dudes with different cultures that intermix in population centres freely and are given the respect any other sentient being would deserve and as the fishing quests show the interplay between them is necessary to preserve local ecological health, and the designated ‘bad’ factions are just ones that have chosen different ways to survive the crisis affecting them (which would be a far more interesting moral quandary to explore if the game bothered to designate them as anything other than ‘the bad guys in red you can kill’, remember the beastman designation and treatment eorzean groups get is an ul’dahn custom)
and it’s wild to me that shb did this AGAIN with the mirrored races living peacefully with each other in the wake of a world-destroying apocalypse and are integral to the survival of a great many communities and this is normal and why would you treat them any differently, they’re just people and they look a little different but we could say the exact same for you.
and at least so far, not once does this ever trigger any serious self-reflection in any of the scions abt their role in perpetuating a racist regime of violence and surveillance in the cultures of other people bc they’ve arbitrarily designated them as dangerous and violent and evil (even tho even the base game allied quests prove this assumption wrong) and never once do they actually ever even attempt to figure out what the real cause of excessive primal summoning is bc if they cared they wouldn’t be sucking off the alliance leaders for clout they’d be telling them to fucking stop treating the beast races like shit for existing, which they never do even when it’s explicitly laid out for them (like limsa betraying a peace treaty which is one of the direct causes of their issues w/ the kobolds and the sahagin and it’s very much Their Fault but the scions consistently and always side with merlwyb on the issue)
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