#and by the time i hit the kidnapping arc i had already decided that this was what it meant so all those uses were very intentional

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Okay so i wanna see some more headcanons of the farmer ready to kick someone's ass so how about this:

Someone who is jealous of the farmer or like someone on like the enemy side, decided to kidnap their spouse to try and either ransom them or lure the farmer out, thinking it will be an easy win.

Then suddenly the next moment, the farmer already arrived before they could send a message to them (either the farmer got help from Mr.Qi or they track them down themselves), absolutely filled with rage and is now seconds away from beating the kidnapper.

How would the SDV/SVE bachelors and bachelorettes react to that?

I probably got the fastest rush of inspiration because holy cow, this is such a funny and cool scenario. Thank you so much, dear anon, for your ask! Enjoy! 💕

_____________________________

The bachelors/ettes reaction to their kidnapping for revenge/ransom, where their spouse Farmer, furious, comes to rescue them

SDV bachelors/ettes:

"You're demanding... 500 gold bars for me? I'm worth twice that, you know, even more! That's just insulting..." The kidnappers had already regretted their scheme before Farmer arrived to rescue Elliott, because the writer's outrage is already giving them a headache. Even with a gag in his mouth he's still talking! And just when they think the day can't get any worse, Farmer arrived quickly and kicked their asses. "Can you believe it, they only asked for 500 bars for me! I'm worth more than that, right dear?" Elliott was indignant to the core. Farmer grinned as they freed Elliott from the ropes, confirming that he was worth much more than that.

Sebastian did not think that in such a situation he would feel so... annoyed. Sure, being kidnapped by strangers had instilled fear at first, but when the leader of the gang started telling a self-pity story about how "I deserved everything, not Farmer, now I've stolen their lover and they're gonna pay!", Sebby thought the leader was some kind of cartoon villain. How absurd. Farmer who came in a couple of hours later also looks annoyed when the leader started telling their "villain arc". But before they can start, they get a fist in the face from Farmer, going straight to the realm of dreams. This was where Sebastian chuckled, at least something here was funny.

Shane's kidnapper was confident and said with a snide smile that either Farmer paid 500,000 gold for Shane or Farmer would "get their spouse in pieces". "800,000 gold and I'll ask Farmer not to kill you specifically." The kidnapper was a little taken aback by those words and the fact that the chicken man was completely calm. It was as if he didn't care. When the leader heard the noise and shouts of his minions, whose voices were quickly silenced, he turned to Shane in a panic and pleaded: " I only have 100,000 gold! Please, mercy!" "Alright, deal." Enough for the coop upgrade that Shane and his spouse have wanted for a long time.

"Heyyy, chill bro. Let's just talk, ok?" Unfortunately, Sam's smooth speech was met with only a rude "shut up, worthless musician!" in his direction. "I'm actually pretty good on guitar... So rude.." he muttered. When Farmer, angry as an ox, entered the room where their husband and the leader of the kidnapping "party" were, the kidnapper tried to soften the situation for themself. "They called me a worthless musician." The kidnapper turned around in horror at a smirking Sam. "And they also hit me." It wasn't true, but the kidnapper was already pale as ghost when Farmer turned red with rage after Sam's last words.

"Let me go now, or I'll kick your asses!" Though the ropes around Alex were tight, the athlete was unwilling to give up without a fight and continued to break free. "Shut up! You're going to pay for what your stupid Farmer-" "Don't you dare say that about my spouse!" The bravery was commendable, but the kidnapper was losing patience by now and wanted to send him into a knockout. But ended up knocking out themself as they didn't notice Farmer behind them. "What an asshole. I would have punched them!" Farmer reassured their really angry husband, as if it was Alex who was saving Farmer from bandits, not the other way around.

"Oh, Yoba..." Harvey would never have thought he would be kidnapped by anyone, but here he is - tied to a pole, surrounded by the six thugs. "Now we have to send a letter to that Farmer, and wait for the ransom, hehe. Easy money!" Harvey had been here for half an hour and was starting to get a little worried, but then he saw something in the distance that helped him gain confidence. "I hope, my friends, you stole my first aid kit too." "Need a sedative, doctor?" The leader didn't even have time to laugh at their own joke before they felt a chill run down their spine and turned around to see Farmer, sword in hand and an angry look in their eyes. "Not for me. For you."

Neither the gag nor the ropes helped - Abigail, irritated and angry, kicked, bit, punched and screamed as hard as she could, not giving her captors a moment's peace. Even with her sword taken away, the fighting girl put on quite a show, which made the bandits decide that the idea of ransoming Farmer wasn't such a great idea anymore. They were just thinking of letting Abby go free when Farmer came in, just as angry as their purple-haired wife. Abigail took back her sword and stood beside her spouse. The kidnappers made a note that they (if they survive) vow to themselves not to steal any more adventurers.

"So much negative energy around you... My friend, you can't live like that!" No matter how much the kidnapper tried to say that Emily wasn't their friend, but enemy's wife, the blue-haired girl insisted on helping her captor. Yes, she realises she's been kidnapped, but the lair she was kept in was so dark and stuffy that of course this poor person is only thinking evil thoughts! Farmer who had made a huge hole in the wall with a furious punch had at least brought in some light. To the villain lying unconscious, Emily would leave a note with "get well soon!", diet tips and exercises for mind and body.

The criminals who had kidnapped Haley decided that if they were going to get any money for the already-not-so-easy job, they were going to spend half of it on hearing care. Because Haley was screaming so loudly that it looked like the kidnappers' eardrums had already burst. Plus the girl didn't spare her manicure and scratched the gangsters' hands, and someone's face. The leader was already tired, but Farmer literally breaking through the wall of their lair made it clear that it wasn't the worst yet. And Haley, freed from the ropes, ran to hug Farmer. Of course she wasn't afraid, for she knew her spouse would rescue her!

Penny sat as quietly as a mouse, afraid to anger the two thugs guarding her cage. She still can't understand how she was just walking from the farmhouse in Pelican Town to get groceries and a minute later she was kidnapped and ransomed from Farmer for 100,000 gold. Yoba, she's so scared, where is her spouse...? The answer to her question was not long in coming: Farmer kicked open the cell door, knocked out the guards, and took Penny in their arms as they both left the room. The girl was still scared and confused, which made Farmer want to kick the kidnappers' arse again. But their beloved wife came first, everything else - later.

To Leah's credit, before the gang of kidnappers could tie her hands, the artist managed to knock out two of them and throw a sculpture hammer at the head of the gang leader. Even being kidnapped, the girl did not lose her courage, giggling a little at the leader, who, already with a bump on their head, goes back and forth and promises that she and her spouse will pay for all the "humiliations they have suffered in the past". What those "humiliations" were Leah didn't have time to ask (and didn't really want to know) before Farmer broke into the room, knocked out the rest of the bandits and put another bump on the leader's head. All this to Leah's cheers. She wasn't scared at all.

Maru kept calm and thought of an escape plan. "Okay, no big deal. I memorised the path when they dragged me here. Now I need to break the ropes on my arms, sneak past the guards, turn left and-" Maru couldn't think of her plan any further as her spouse, furious at their wife's kidnapping, kicked the wall completely and started punching all the bandits left and right. "Oh, alright then." Considering she had only been kidnapped for less than half an hour, Maru didn't even have time to be frightened before she was already free, making her way around the kidnappers who were lying on the ground unconscious.

SVE bachelors/etter:

To be completely honest, Lance wasn't even that angry at his captors so much as he was slightly ashamed that he, the second in command of The First Slash Clan, had allowed himself to be captured by the amateurs, even if they had used magic for this. He made a note to himself to resume certain training. The pink-haired man already wanted to burn his ropes with magical fire, but his beloved spouse Farmer, agitated and angry as a swarm of wasps, kicked all the bandits' asses with sword and magic. Lance broke his ropes and joined the fight as well, though at first, the adventurer wanted not to rush his release, but to watch Farmer in battle with admiration and love.

"Again?" No need for Magnus' kidnapper to be so surprised - he is already old wizard, so he's seen a lot of things in his life and has been kidnapped before. Once even by mages from Gotoro, but that's a story for later. And while the kidnapper was able to take the wizard by surprise and strip him of his magic, it wouldn't work that way with his dear spouse. To which the villain shouted "I'll take away the Farmer's magic too!" Maybe, but Farmer would just start beating them with their bare hands. Which is exactly what happened half an hour ago. The enraged Farmer didn't leave a wet spot on the poor fella, so Magnus even cast a healing spell.

"Scared, white collar? Will you call your mommy for help? Or your spouse? Ha!" In any other situation, Victor would really be shaking with fear and not understanding whether the kidnappers would really hurt him if Farmer didn't pay for his ransom. But his spouse was Farmer, a man who just yesterday had slaughtered a hundred serpents at Skull Cavern as if it were a routine outing. "I'm afraid you're the one who's going to need help." And immediately after those words, Farmer burst into the room, angry and covered in blood (not their own). The kidnappers were pale, and Victor hurriedly closed his eyes, because he'd never seen Farmer so angry before. Which meant the bandits would get hurt. A lot.

"This is outrageous! How dare you take me against my will and steal my jewellery! Dragging me here, in this damp and filthy place where rats run around! Disgusting!" If the kidnappers were expecting cries for help, tears and pleas for mercy from Olivia, they will be quickly disappointed. She's a combative woman, and even huge bullies can't intimidate the ex-Joja accountant. She's dealt with worse, believe her. Well, the thugs think they'll at least get their money's worth, Olivia's dressed rich. Yeah, right... they'll just get a hit from an angry Farmer who turned up as soon as they found out where the bastards had taken their wife.

"They will pay... For all my creatures of darkness that they destroyed in Badlands, for all their exploits that made me unable to take over the Valley. Farmer will pay. And you're going to help me do it! When they come for you, I'll- Hey, are you even listening to me?!" Please forgive Claire, but the poor girl was so tired (work + family) that she slept through both her kidnapping and the gang leader's speech. The cashier woke up already when she felt someone carrying her in the arms. Her spouse looked at Claire with a smile, saying that she should immediately take a vacation and rest. Lying on the ground criminals, unconscious? Um, that was... part of a dream, yes. Just a strange dream.

"I advise you to let go, because when the Farmer comes here, you'll be sorry." At Scarlett's attempts to reason with her captors, the gang only mocked the girl. "We're waiting for Farmer, dumbass, it's an ambush!" Scarlett just sighed tiredly and waited - she had no choice. The bandits had already set traps everywhere, but Farmer was not only good at fighting, but also smart, and made an ambush on the ambush. Then caught the kidnappers off guard and kicked everyone's ass. "Warned ya," Scarlett even felt a little sorry for the bandits - they wouldn't be walking normally for a while.

Not knowing what was happening, trembling at the predatory grins of the strangers, Sophia cried quietly, trying not to make too much noise so as not to anger her captors. The villains haven't had time to get the ransom yet, and already they're arguing over who gets more gold. Farmer broke through the wall, shocking everyone. The tears on their pink-haired wife's cheeks were enough for Farmer to see red, and all the kidnapper-losers were knocked out. Before Sophia could even realise what had happened, she was already, freed, clinging to he's spouse's neck as Farmer carried her in bridal style. "Just like a fairy tale.... 💖"

[a-killer-obsession]

Whoops, you got hit by a bus, and now you're in the world of One Piece. But not everything is quite as you remember it...

General Tags: afab reader, she/her reader pronouns, isekai, monsterfucker reader, vampire!kid, werewolf!killer, wyrm!heat, minotaur!wire, everyone has a human form, smut heavy, unhealthy relationships, dubious consent, serious violence, spoilers for Wano arc, starts pre-timeskip. There will be a lot of more intense kinks, please check AO3 for all current tags.

Chapter 11 - Two For One Special

The best things come in twos :)

WC: 3.4k

Masterlist | AO3 | Chapter 1

A/N: yes I know this isn't how snake dicks work, but also he's not a snake so 😤

It'd been a few days since Kid had announced your official joining of the Kid Pirates, and the crew had welcomed you with open arms. While you hadn't had much chance to get to know them, you had become decent friends with Quincy, Hip and Emma, who had accompanied you on several shopping trips over the last few days so you could stock up on all the things you needed, like clothes, sanitary items and furniture to be delivered to the Victoria Punk in a few days. Right now the Punk resided in a dry dock, being coated by Rayleigh in preparation for the journey to Fishman Island. It was nice having the guarantee that the crew would make it to the New World unscathed, given the low success rate for pirates passing through. As predicted, Rayleigh had been thankful for Kid's help in getting Cammie out of the auction house, even if it hadn't been his intention. It would take another day for the coating to be finished, and in the meantime the crew had been staying on Sabaody. You'd even had the chance to visit the amusement park with the girls, and Quincy may or may not have fingered you in the ferris wheel, a lady never kisses and tells. You liked Quincy, she was fun. If you were gonna sleep with anyone on your own fruition, outside of the big four, it'd most likely be her. A little bit of pussy, for variety.

You spent the first few nights staying with Wire, since fucking him when you should have been resting did in fact turn out to be a mistake, and Wire was the least likely to jump you when he knew you needed time to recover. You were offered your own room, now that you weren't a prisoner, but you didn't feel comfortable being on your own in a place known for kidnapping and selling people. Kid wasn't happy about being separated from his ship, because it meant he couldn't work on your collar, but it was just as well since you weren't up for being free-used right now anyway. It was nice spending more time with Wire, he wasn't as stuck up as you initially thought, he was actually pretty easy to get along with now that you were a crewmate and not a prisoner. He hadn't allowed himself to get close to you when there was risk of you being a traitor and being disposed of, but now that you were a permanent fixture he was allowed to let himself care about you. He wasn't as cuddly as the others, but he was good company. Last night though Heat had practically begged you to spend the night with him, and pinky promised he would be on his absolute best behaviour, so you'd relented.

Heat had kept to his word, not going any further with you than cuddles and some pleasant making out, and now he slept soundly beside you in his wyrm form, forced on his back by his horns, his long tail hanging off the end of the bed. You were nestled up against him, wearing one of his old shirts with nothing underneath. You owned clothes now, but the boys all had such soft shirts that were so oversized and comfy to sleep in. While he was on his best behaviour, you were feeling a bit frisky. You were well aware that your period was close, and it was making you antsy. You didn't know how keen the boys would be on period sex, so you decided to take advantage of the short amount of time you had before your cycle started. You were already cramping lightly, so it wouldn't be long. Not to mention you usually had quite painful periods, so you usually didn't want to be touched due to how miserable you felt.

You also had a curiosity after the gangbang, after watching Wire toy with the slit that hid Heat's cocks. You wondered what it looked and felt like inside the slit, and since Wire had done it, surely it was okay to toy with - it certainly seemed like Heat had enjoyed it. Quietly you pulled the blankets off him and straddled his pretty mauve tail. His scales were always so beautiful, you loved to run your hands over them and admire the iridescence. He was especially beautiful in the sunlight, when his whole tail sparkled with that iridescence. Heat stirred a little in his sleep as you lowered your weight on to him, but didn't wake yet. You ran your finger over the closed slit, feeling bad for a short moment for invading his privacy, before remembering how many times you'd woken up with Heat's dick buried in your cunt.

You used your thumbs either side of the slit to gently pry the scales apart, a little surprised at what you found inside. It almost looked like a pussy, the tip of the higher cock where you would expect a clit to be, the other tip lower where you would expect the vaginal opening. It seemed like they were laid one on top of another, the shafts going up towards his belly. Pretending it was a clit, you fiddled with the pointed tip of the upper cock, making Heat whine in his sleep. You pushed your fingers in further, between the two shafts, feeling the piercings and bumps that lined the lower side of the upper shaft. It was warm and a little moist inside his sheath, a bit like a pussy. No wonder Wire liked to toy with it, and it made you feel flustered to technically be inside him.

Leaning down, sliding your butt a little further down his tail, you held the slit open and flicked the upper cock with your tongue. You pushed your tongue between the shafts, tasting the musky slick that coated them, a taste you were familiar with whenever Heat was in this form. You sucked on the tip, feeling it move as his cocks sprang to life and tried to slide from the slit. The more you worked at his cocks, the less you could get inside him, until both phallus were proudly presented. You took turns sucking on each one, listening to Heat's quiet whimpers, until his own moan woke him.

“[Y/n]?” He groaned, hips wiggling and fingers gripping at the sheets as he realised the situation, “ohh, fuck, fuck [y/n], that's so good.”

“You're so pretty, Heat,” you cooed before focusing on the lower cock, bobbing your head as your hand worked the other. Heat whined and whipped his tail excitedly against the bed, one of his hands burying in your hair and beckoning you to swallow more of him. You let him guide you, wanting to please him and hear more of his cute little whimpers, gagging occasionally as his tip hit your uvula. You'd had a lot of practice these days, and could almost take all of him in this form, the thinner tip far easier on your throat than a human cock. Your eyes watered as finally you were able to successfully meet his base, and Heat let out a high pitched whine that was your only warning before his grip on your hair tightened, holding you against him as he emptied right down your throat. His other cock likewise spilled out, drenching your face and hand with a stream of cum.

When his grip finally loosened you pulled off with a pop, licking at the cum that dripped on your lips with a fiendish smile. Heat sat up and kissed you fiercely, before licking a wide swipe up your face to clean off his cum. It aroused you to taste his own cum on his tongue, and you ground your bare cunt against his tail and the base of his still exposed cocks. His hand slid down your front, catching the hem of your shirt and pulling it up and over your head. He dipped to suck on your tits, groping each of them and squishing them together, pressing his face against the valley he created. He had to be careful of his horns, but mostly they just pushed flat against your clavicle.

“I could die happy in these tits,” he sighed, “fucking incredible. You're so beautiful.”

One of his hands travelled down your soft front, until it could cup your mound. His fingers slipped between your folds, and he groaned against your nipple as he felt how soaked you were. His cocks were twitching back to life as he heard the wet squelch your cunt made as he pushed two fingers inside you, pumping you deep and slow. You were practically dripping on his hand with how wet you were, bouncing slighting to try fuck his fingers faster. Heat added a third finger and stretched you out more. He focused on pleasing you, using his other hand to rub your clit as he watched your face contort in pleasure, your mouth making a pretty little ‘o’ as you hit your orgasm and shuddered against him with a gasp.

“Heat,” you panted against his chest as he pulled his fingers out of you, “I- I want your cocks.”

“Plural?” He questioned with a raised brow. You'd never asked for both.

“Plural,” you confirmed, nipping at his neck and making him groan until he gave in and pushed you onto your back beside him, quickly rolling to take his place between your legs. He spread your legs wide and rut his lower shaft against your soaked cunt.

“Relax for me, treasure,” Heat cooed, holding both cocks squeezed together in his hand and pressing the tips to your entrance. He was overly excited to bury both of his dicks inside you at once, but didn't want to hurt you by being too hasty. The tips slid inside you easily, the tapered ends meaning that the first quarter or so of his lengths only amounted to about the girth of his human cock. It was when he pushed in further that you began to feel the stretch, and you made a low groan as he bullied his cocks inside you. You gripped his forearms bruisingly tight as he stretched you out, his combined width being even greater than Wire's as he reached the thickest part. It was easier for him to press the rest in once you'd eased enough to accommodate, and Heat let out a stuttered breath as he stilled with his cocks deep inside you.

“Fuck, you're so perfect,” he groaned, “so good to me, my perfect treasure.”

“So.. so full,” you whined, “feels good, hnng.”

“Yeah? You like having both my cocks inside you? Stretching you out, like the good little slut you are?” Heat purred, slowly pulling most of the way out before sliding back in again. You made strained groans as he fucked you slowly, your belly bulging from how full you were, fingernails digging into his arms and back. “Fuck you take me so well.”

Heat was barely moving but you were so full that every inch of your inner walls were being pressed against, and it was driving you to madness. He'd hardly entered you and you already felt like you were going to cum again. Your legs wrapped around his tail at the same time as you grabbed his horns, and you pulled on them to bring his face closer, capturing his bottom lip with your teeth and tugging on it. “Harder,” you growled, “fuck me harder, Heat.”

“Fuck,” Heat groaned as he picked up his pace, the bed underneath you creaking with every thrust as you started to scream like a bitch in heat, the whole inn would no doubt hear you. Let them hear, you were in heaven, cock drunk as Heat fucked you hard, pulling what felt like endless orgasms from you as you cried out. “I wanna see you covered in cum,” Heat groaned, “can I finish on you?”

“Please,” you whined, “wanna- wanna be painted. Paint me Heat, give it to me.”

“You're such a good girl,” Heat cooed as he pulled one last orgasm from you, making you go limp as you panted, dazed and blissed out. He pulled his cocks from you, making you whine at the emptiness, before he held them in one hand and jerked himself off. Heat made deep grunts as he fisted himself, releasing volatile ropes of cum over your belly and breasts as he quivered above you. With a contented sigh he rolled to your side, breathing heavy next to you. Your hand lazily ran through the cum, rubbing it over your breasts as you sleepily groped at them before falling limp again.

“I thought you were taking a break,” Heat asked.

“I was, but I woke up horny,” you explained, “I'm always like this when I'm about to get my period. It'll probably come in a few hours.”

“Boo, that means Kid will want you staying with him,” Heat pouted.

“Oh? He's into period sex?” You asked.

“He likes blood,” Heat replied, in a tone that made you think he was a little confused that you didn't realise that.

“I could just not tell him,” you suggested mischievously.

“He'll smell it a mile away,” Heat sighed, “there's no avoiding it. He'll treat you good though, he's well practised with periods. You'll be spoiled for sure.”

“Well then,” you giggled, “I guess I can't complain about that. Though I get the feeling you'd spoil me too.”

“I'll spoil you after,” he promised, “my pretty treasure. In the meantime…” you giggled and squirmed as he leaned over and licked a long stripe up your belly, cleaning off a lot of his cum and tickling you in the process, “... I've got a few more hours until you get Kid-napped. But I'm gonna have to groom you first,” he made several more licks all over your breasts and tummy, “before I get you all messy again.”

A couple hours later and just as predicted, your period had come. Heat offered you some weed and more sex to help with the pain, which you happily accepted, resulting in a round of dizzying, giggly, shower sex. After that the two of you met up with Wire and Killer, the four of you heading off to do some shopping. Kid had ordered them to find you an appropriate weapon, and for your training to start as soon as the crew were back at sea. You knew you were good with a rifle, from all your hunting trips with your dad, so you were on the lookout for a suitable one. The boys had also noticed that you were decently strong, not to mention the potential of your armament haki, so they were also looking for a close combat weapon that took advantage of those strengths. You weren't very fast or agile though, so they also had to keep that in mind. The boys had high standards though, and it felt like it was going to take all day to find weapons they approved off. They couldn't decide on the type of weapon either - Killer wanted to train you with swords, Wire wanted to train you with something long like a spear, and Heat wanted you to get something that would just look cool and take advantage of your strength, like a battleaxe.

The rifle was the easier weapon to find, your eye caught by a beautiful single shot rifle, the wooden parts made from the blue stripes of one of Sabaody's giant mangroves, trimmed with silver metal that had been delicately engraved with florals. It was a beautiful gun, and close to what you were familiar with using back home. Right now it was slung over Heat's back - the boys wanted Kid to inspect it before you were allowed to use it. You felt a little like a princess with the way they were all treating you like some precious thing, it was nice to feel like they all had your safety in mind. Not to mention it was such a beautiful gun that they were worried someone would try to snatch it from you, and without knowing your fighting capabilities they didn't want to risk that.

Heat and Killer were currently debating a battle axe Heat had found, while on the other side of the store you followed Wire, who was examining the range of polearm weapons for sale. You hummed to yourself as you walked behind him; despite your cramps you were in a good mood, you felt truly special with the care the boys were taking to choose your weapons.

“Someone seems chipper,” Wire noted as he pulled a spear from the rack and inspected it, “have a good morning with Heat did we? We certainly all heard you, and by the sounds of it he either he fucked your brains out or murdered you, and I'm gonna guess it wasn't the later.”

“Actually, I'm feeling quite proud of myself,” you replied with a grin, “I took both of his dicks today.”

“Oh, in the same hole?” Wire put down the spear to give you his attention, this was far more interesting than weapon shopping.

“Yeah!” You smiled, running your hand down the staff of a halbert. Now that you looked at it, it was quite lovely. It was made from that same blue wood, and the silver axe-like blade featured ornate cut outs that could be mistaken for matching your gun. A weapon like this would give you a lot of options; it was long, so you could keep enemies a little further away, it had the blades either side for swinging motions that took advantage of your strength, and it had the long spear tip for stabbing motions. “What about this one?”

“I told you you could do it, good job, proud of you,” Wire pressed a kiss into your hair before looking at the halberd and pulling it from the rack, “Looks well made, I think this would suit you nicely.”

“And it matches my gun!” You beamed.

“It does indeed,” Wire offered a soft smile. He liked how enthusiastic you were about learning to fight, he appreciated someone willing to stand up for themselves instead of relying on others. As much as they were all treating you like some delicate, precious thing, Wire had high hopes for your fighting capabilities, and if you selected the halberd it meant he could train you himself. As much as your pussy was the hot commodity you were kept on board for, he was growing quite fond of you, and he didn't want to always be worrying about your safety when they got to the New World, so he'd make sure you had all the skills you needed to hold your own in battle. “If this is what you want, I'll teach you to use it. Give it a hold, see how the weight feels.”

Wire handed you the halberd and you held it with both hands, Wire gently shifting them to the correct positions along the staff. “Feels good, not too heavy,” you hummed, “I think I could work with this.”

“You look good with it,” Wire noted, “OI, KIL, HEAT, GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE.”

Heat put the axe back on the rack and the two of them scurried over, playfully pushing each other as they moved. Wire made a gesture with his head for you to hand them the weapon, and Killer took it and looked over it carefully. “Not bad,” Killer mused, before handing it to Heat to look at, “This what you want?” Killer asked you.

“Yeah, I like it,” you replied as Heat handed it back.

“You look good with it,” Heat praised.

“That's what Wire said!” You giggled.

“I agree,” Killer added, “of course Kid will want to check it over, but I think we're good here.”

“Yay!” You squeaked, messing around with the weapon, “Look! I can stab AND slice! It's a two for one special! Yippee!”

“You're fucking adorable,” Heat laughed, ruffling your hair as the men made their way to the checkout counter, “you're gonna look so cute covered in our enemy's blood.”

“Aw, thanks Heat,” you smiled, standing on your tippy toes to kiss him on the cheek. Heat had a cute pink flush for the next hour, every now and then touching the spot on his cheek like he was remembering the feel of your lips there.

[Next Chapter] - coming soon

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[coolshadowtwins]

Post Canon, SQQ now has to deal with wife plots.

But, Op, that’s the plot of many fanfics already! Well, what if he had to deal with every wife plot ever. Bingge had 300-3000 wives, depending on the translation you were following.

Man’s I have to assume that while each wife got at least one (1) wife plot to her name, the fan favorites (NYY, LMY, SHL etc) got multiple over the years.

Now, most of these were probably incredibly standard. And most of them, while frightening to the multitude of civilian wives Bingge probably had, were not going to be much more than an annoyance to a cultivator like SQQ.

The problem is the frequency.

It probably would take a few years for the story to catch up to the plot. SQQ gets hit with a few scattered ones here and there for the first decade or so, but he doesn’t think much of it. Shit just a happens to him, you know?

But then, all of a sudden, he gets kidnapped during a night hunt. The villain is the man that had called for help with a demon. In PIDW, he was the evil uncle/father/cousin/male authority figure in this wife’s life, wanting revenge on Bingge and ultimately introducing a new wife. Here, he’s decided that he’ll hurt Binghe’s husband instead Binghe himself. SQQ defeats him in an hour.

He goes home and tries to forget about it. Only to be hit with some kind of sex pollen from a plant that MQF was trying to study, completely by accident. In PIDW, this had been used to get another chapter out of a particularly laced up wife, who the comments disliked because they felt her boring.

And ok, fine. SQQ still has Binghe- they fix this problem in a night.

Only to be kidnapped again the next day when he goes to town, this time by a random demon looking for a quick buck.

This goes on and on. It’s almost never anything difficult, but it’s a lot. These are too many plots to happen to one man! Sure, Bingge was involved in all those plots too, but he was almost always the one coming in and saving the day- not the one kidnapped or poisoned or stabbed. It’s not long before SQQ gets exhausted, and that everyone around him is constantly on edge, waiting for the next bad luck.

It all kinda climax’s as the bamboo house gets set on fire. In PIDW, fire is used twice like this- once, a portion of the palace gets set on fire, leading to a arc where the wives have to come together to rptect themselves until Bingge shows up. (This arc was very disliked because most of the wives didn’t act in character.) the other time was when a wife was trapped in the burning of her family home, franticly trying to get her belongings out and then being comforted from the loss by Bingge afterwards.

SQQ knows this. He knows all of this. He has figured out what every plot has been so far, and had managed to avoid a few by recognizing the signs, only for them to come back around when he least expected it. He had thought that he could always just ride out the wife plots- sure, Binghe had a lot of wives, but it couldn’t be that bad, right? Except he watched the bamboo house on fire, frozen, and realized that he couldn’t keep doing this.

The bamboo house was fine, in the end. There were disciples on duty, ready to help. Nearly nothing was lost. The fire spread out into the woods, a little, but other than a small area of destruction, it hadn’t caused all together that much damage. Except SQQ couldn’t figure out which of the two plots this was, and that was freaking him out.

This leads to him breaking down on Binghe that night, who has been out of his head with worry for ages about what was going on. SQQ tells him everything, about SY, the system, wife plots. Binghe asks if they can stop this. SQQ doesn’t know how- these plots were for Binghe’s wives, and here he only has a husband.

And Binghe certainly doesn’t want another spouse. He’s quite happy with his husband, thank you very much! But he then he gets to thinking.

Bingge couldn’t have loved every single wife, right? Binghe had a feeling he didn’t act love any of them, judging by how quickly his other self had tried to latch onto Shizun. So it’s not the act of love that causes these so called ‘wife plots’, it’s the act of marriage. And Binghe’s not so cruel as to inflict these plots on someone unexpecting (well, for Shizun he was. But he had another option.)

Binghe had to be the one to marry them- but not the one they loved. And he knew, both fortunately and unfortunately, that there were many men that would do anything for SQQ.

[rollinouttahere-writes]

Omg I would love to hear lucky lore if you have the energy for it!!!! My depressed queen!!!! After watching saboady do you have any more things for that arc? Oh God I just know she's dying at Duval

I am kissing you platonically on the forehead for asking. Thank you for giving me an opening to talk about Lucky Break. But you have opened Pandora's Box by asking, so I'm also going to yap about Marineford and the timeskip because I've retconned what was previously established for both.

Under the cut because I don't know how to shut up

Her reaction to Duval's face reveal is identical to Brook's. She's wheezing from how hard she's laughing and giving extremely unconvincing apologies to Sanji between breaths. Once Duval's face gets rearranged and he starts aggressively hitting on Lucky, she just kinda roles her eyes at his antics and doesn't take it very seriously. Though she does accidentally spit out her drink into his face when he tries to wink at her.

When they first get to Sabaody, it's pretty chill. Nami drags her along to go shopping with her and Robin, so she misses out on initially seeing the Celestial Dragons and Camie getting kidnapped. It's once she gets to the auction house that it starts to get messy.

Kidd has been obsessing over her ever since he found her lost backpack, and it only got worse once she got a bounty poster and he now had concrete proof that the woman in the ID he found is alive and well. He spots her the second she runs into the auction house with Nami, but he doesn't confront her immediately. He wants to just observe for a moment. However, he does use his devil fruit powers to covertly wrap some scrap metal around her wrist. Lucky notices this, but she doesn't know who did it, and given how stressed out everyone is over Camie, she decides to keep it to herself for the time being.

They don't properly meet until after they all escaped the auction house and have gotten the vivre papers from Rayleigh. During the chaos that happens when the Pacifista attacks the Straw Hats, Lucky get yanked away by the metal on her wrist. It happens so quickly that no one even notices she's gone until Kuma is there, and everyone assumes that he must have gotten her when they weren't looking.

In reality, Lucky is being hauled away by Kidd, who is making a terrible first impression. He calls her by her real name, something that she thought only Luffy knew, and it shakes her up to put it mildly. She gets hauled back to the Punk Victoria by Kidd and his crew and is forced to try and explain how the technology in her backpack works to him all while being worried about the rest of the Straw Hats (and she doesn't even know about Kuma showing up and sending everyone away).

Kidd initially says that he'll let her leave after she explains her stuff to him, but he doesn't keep his word. He was already obsessed with her before, but finally being in her presence (and under the influence of her amulet) amplifies it to the nth degree. He doesn't just want her knowledge, he wants her. And being a pirate, he has no problem taking what he wants, so he goes back on his word to let her go and states that she's a member of his crew now whether she likes it or not.

While she's on the Victoria Punk is when she sees the paper announcing Ace's execution, and she starts losing her shit and demanding that Kidd lets her go so she can go help save him. Kidd is unmoved by her pleas, so she has to get creative. She tells Kidd that she actually has more pieces of technology from her world, but that it's on the Thousand Sunny. And she reasons that since Ace is Luffy's brother, that the ship will be at Marineford because of course Luffy is going to come to his brother's rescue. This sways Kidd enough to agree to go, but he tells her that he just wants the chance to take out some big shot marines to increase his bounty and to get her things off the ship. He totally doesn't want to do this to make her like him or anything like that.

So Lucky, Kidd, and Killer set out to go to Marineford. He doesn't want to risk the Punk Victoria by putting her in range of a bunch of navy ships, so he has the rest of the crew stay behind after they get as close as they reasonably can. After that, the trio sets out on a small motor boat lined with metal so Kidd can use his powers to bypass particularly rough waters and the gates.

Kidd is more than a little irritated when they get there and see that the Thousand Sunny is nowhere to be seen, but at that point it feels like it would be a waste to just leave without killing at least a few high ranking marines or pirates, so he agrees to let Lucky do what she needs to do, but he tells her that she's on her own. If she wants to save Ace, she's going to have to do it herself.

While Lucky is staring at the chaos of the all out war in front of her and wondering how the fuck she's supposed to do anything to help, "A" takes pity on her and decides to give her something. A single pair of sea stone cuffs appear in front of her with a note telling her to use it wisely. It initially doesn't feel very helpful given that there are at least 10 different people here that she could use these on, so she pockets them and runs into the thick of it, figuring that she'll just know when she really needs to use them.

When she does feel the need to use them is after Ace is already freed. She sees Akainu lunging towards Luffy to kill him, and she also sees Ace running in to take the hit for him. She breaks into a sprint, and thanks to Akainu having a severe case of tunnel vision, he doesn't notice her until one of the cuffs locks around his wrist, completely snuffing out his powers. She gets it on him less than a second before he could land the fatal blow to Ace.

Lucky is in such an intense euphoria from getting there in time that she completely forgets that she needs to run because she just royally pissed off Akainu, and while his powers are canceled out by the cuffs, he's still more than capable of killing her given that only one cuff is on him and he can still move freely.

Akainu grabs her by the throat and has her lifted off the ground, ready to snap her neck. Before Ace of Luffy can even react, a massive heap of metal hits Akainu, forcing him to drop her and lose his footing. While he's disoriented and stumbling, Killer runs up and decapitates him from behind.

A hush falls over the battlefield. No one anticipated that an Admiral would die here, and especially not at the hands of a bunch of newbie pirates. Lucky is slack-jawed as she realizes that she is going to be credited with having a hand in killing a fucking Admiral. Kidd, now more than content with this kill, grabs her and says that they're leaving now. Ace and Luffy try to save her, but Marco swoops down to snatch both of them up before they can have anymore near death experiences.

Akainu's devil fruit will replace Ace's at the coliseum in Dressrosa now.

Lucky will now be spending a bulk of the timeskip on Kidd's crew, and with their now skyrocketed bounties, they spend a lot of that time fighting marines and pirates wanting to kill/challenge the people who killed an Admiral. Between that and training with Killer, Lucky becomes a much more formidable fighter over the timeskip.

When Kidd challenges Shanks and then loses violently, Shanks is all like "Hey, I remember you!" and brings Lucky with him when they leave. They briefly ran into each other at Marineford, and between Lucky being a part of Luffy's crew and saving Ace, he's more than happy to let her stay on the Red Force until the two years are up.

This seems like a good thing at first since Shanks is openly willing to let her go, meanwhile Kidd made it clear that he had zero intentions of letting her leave. But, it doesn't take long for her to notice that Shanks is getting a little too fond of her. And when he starts floating the idea that maybe she doesn't really need to go back to the Straw Hats, she knows that she just jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.

The rest of the timeskip involves her being the subject of a game of tug-of-war between Kidd and Shanks as they keep stealing her away from the other, and the only reason that she is able to get away from both and back to Sabaody is because "A" appears and offers to take her there herself. All she asks for in exchange is for Lucky to close her eyes for a second. As soon as she does, "A" snatches back the amulet, extracts the wish from it, and implants it into Lucky to amplify the effects of it. Lucky is then teleported to the Thousand Sunny without any memory of the exchange with "A".

Okay I'm done now. Thank you for letting me get that out of my system.

[harukamitsuki]

hello! The idea of yuga being forced to suggest one of his classmates to be recruited into the LOV is so tragically fun that I might honestly incorporate that into my own rewrite. I could imagine the canonically guilt yuga feels would be absolutely increase tenfold if he had to play any role in the kidnapping.

y’know yuga’s guilt (and his canonical suicidal ideation) has so much potential to explored in fics, it’s a shame he isn’t a more popular character… but at the same time he already gets mischaracterize to Hell and back, don’t really wanna imagine how bad it would get if he was popular. *insert the “the viewer fell for the character’s facade that the viewer were supposed to dismantle” image here*

but anyways, it specifically being either izuku and mezou??? brilliant and your reasons makes complete sense. yeah, mezou being the one kidnapped could easily be the catalyst to the mutant discrimination arc. and izuku getting kidnapped also has so much untapped potential, and tomura & izuku desperately needed to have more interactions before their big fight as well.

though, since it wasn’t until post-kamino that yuga stopped distancing himself from the rest of the class, it makes me wonder if he would be confident enough in his observation skills to choose either izuku or mezou. there’s a chance he might go with a more “safe” option like shoto or (dare i say) mina.

also, oh wait, here’s a way to make katsuki less relevant to plot. when izuku and shoto are having their talk between the sports featival rounds. instead of katsuki listening into their convo, have it be yuga. It makes sense, especially when paired up with the idea of yuga being forced to suggest a student to be recruited.

In canon, Yuuga is shown to be far more intelligent than fans make him out to be. He's able to figure out the relation betwen Izuku and All Might without any external guidance or direct hints, and he managed to fool the entirety of 1-A until the reveal. The dumb guy that fanon portrays him as, the guy who's only smart with love, doesn't exist in canon.

I see this as less of an issue with fanon and more of an issue with Horikoshi's writing. He completely forgot about the traitor plotpoint, leacing fans guessing for years until he finally remembered. As such, there really wasn't much build-up to it.

Everyone was guessing Denki, or Tooru, or even the audience themselves. (That last one was a really cool theory but sadly not true). There definitely were some hints here and there, but it never felt like there was a solid foundation until the traitor arc actually hit.

As for him not really interacting with the others until post-Kamino... IMO, if you've experienced something yourself, you find it easier to recognise when somebody has been or is going through something similar.

Yuuga knows what it's like to try to reign in a quirk you were not born with, and he knows how it feels when you believe you've made no progress. He knows how it feels to be discriminated upon, to feel weak, like the whole world is against him.

For those reasons, I think, even without properly interacting with them, he'd be able to recognise how strong Izuku and Mezou are, as well as how they could seem like 'easy' targets for the LOV. He can relate to both of them, (though neither were able to relate to him).

And for your idea with Yuuga eavesdropping rather than Bakugou, while I like the idea, I'd prefer nobody eavesdropping. Bakugou doesn't eavesdrop, and Yuuga would integrate in another way with the IzuCrew.

Shouto's conversation with Izuku was insanely private. He's opening his heart out to Izuku, although I'm sure he didn't realise it, sharing his memories of only pain as a child, something that should only be disclosed by the person afflicted to the one they want to know about it.

While it may suit Yuuga's traitor status, I also can't see him using this information in any way, meaning it would be ultimately useless for him to eavesdrop.

UNLESS!! Unless he decides to report Endeavour to the League, due to his sympathy for Shouto and horror at Endeavour's actions, which could lead into a different arc entirely–

Okay, I'm liking the idea a lot more now.

Thanks for the ask!!

[princess-of-the-corner]

BNHA AU Masterpost

I have one for the ML AUs so now a BNHA one!

Same format of the AU's name, a short summary, and relevant tags!

Chaos Children:

My main au! My personal headcanons, addition of plotlines, yadda yadda. This is Canon to me now.

A lot of this isn't tagged because it's my main thing so I just forget sometimes but this also encompasses both Todoroki tags (Todoroki Protection Program and Endeavor Fires His PR Team)

Tags: X X X

CC Next Gen

This is an eventual offshoot of Chaos Children and, as is obvious, is about the nextgen kiddos. Does already have a Masterpost for the kids' bios

Tags: X

Monster AU

Basically take Canon and replace Quirks with everyone being some kind of monsterous species! Jokingly called the 'Monster High AU' because the kids are going to monster high school.

Does have some funky character dynamics due to the lack of Quirks and Heroes and the system as a whole.

Tags: X

Amnesia!Dabi:

When Toya/Dabi wakes up in a sketchy clinic, he doesn't remember jack shit and runs for it. Thus fucking up all of AfO's plans. Even when Dabi does join the LoV (out of the assumption he must've been a villain before and wanting some ability to maybe discover who he was), he's not as useful because he doesn't remember any of his problems.

He starts remembering some things during the Forest Training Camp/Hideout Raid arc and after everything goes to shit he decides to grab Himiko(basically adopted her as a little sister) and book it once again, ending up turning them both over to the Heroes and finding out who he was.

Various shenanigans of Dabi reconnecting to a family he doesn't remember(thankfully in this au they're already in therapy) and also them leaving gets the rest of the LoV to fracture and further fuck up AfO's plans.

Tags: X

Vigilante au

Izuku turns down All Might's offer and becomes a vigilante instead. Intends to infiltrate the LoV to take it down from the inside, but finds out AfO is his dad and uh. Time to collect that inheritance! Jokes aside, Izuku kills AfO and takes over his criminal empire, but shuts everything down and gets the LoV running as a vigilante squad instead.

Also Himiko gets OfA because Izuku helps her get her life together and yeets her at All Might.

Tags: X

Villain?Izuku

Dad for One au! Technically all of these are DfO AUs. But in this one, AfO finds out about Izuku's existence. He plays a normal parent for a while but kidnaps Izuku when the boy is about 7-8.

Izuku is treated kinda like Yoichi 2.0. AfO takes care of him well, but he's not allowed to leave. He's not fully 'in the vault' yet as Izuku is still young enough to be relatively obedient, but he's getting older and more defiant.

Izuku and Katsuki never had a falling out because Izuku knows he inherited his father's Quirk. Thus she is devastated when he's kidnapped and actually went to therapy. Then ofc later (probs during the Shie Hassaikai arc), they run into each other and Katsuki kidnaps him back and refuses to let go.

Tags: X

Dark Comedy

tw: sexual assault

Due to *gestures to above tag*, Enji commits some very justified murder. But in getting an alibi for said murders, he ends up having to pretend he's been having an affair.

This au swings wildly between taking a dark subject seriously, and the comedic shenanigans of everyone trying not to get caught. This the name 'Dark Comedy'. It is very full of tonal whiplash. I am saying this as a warning because it is NOT for everyone but I do promise that the genuine dark stuff is taken seriously it's just the other stuff that gets wild.

Tags: X

LoV Babies

A handful of members of the LoV, and also Hawks because ofc he got dragged in, get hit with a Quirk that de-ages them. They de-aged both physically and mentally, now fully believing they're the age they were turned to. Only able to turn back once they confront the childhood trauma they're about to face.

Kurogiri is now a 17 year old Oboro. Dabi is now a 5 year old Toya, yapping nonstop about his dad. Tomura is now a young Tenko, wondering where his family is. Hawks is now an itty bitty Keigo, an absolute cryptid child. Himiko, the only one who doesn't have a name change of these fuckers, is very small and oh so nervous about fighting the instincts of her 'monsterous' Quirk.

Naturally Oboro yoinks the kindergartners away from the LoV and to UA which. Causes even more shenanigans.

Tags: X

Mistaken Spirit

Crossover/Isekai into ATLA.

Post-redemption-arc, Enji gets yeeted into the ATLA world during the first half of Book 3. The locals mistake him for a Spirit of Fire, and he's invited to the Fire Nation Palace as an honored guest of the Fire Lord.

Enji can't help but see similarities to his own family, even if Ozai is far more monstrous than even at his worst. So he decides to do something about it.

Tags: X

[cyb-by-lang]

I kinda already commented and it felt weird to do it again? So I thought I’d ask here instead:

I just saw a post on tumblr that Batman did try to kill Joker and Superman stopped him??? And it was because Joker was somehow linked with Iran, and couldn’t be killed cuz it would start a war. And other Batkids also tried to kill Joker???

I’ve honestly always thought Batman didn’t kill Joker cuz he’s too popular a villain so it was just sort of waved off because of ‘Batman rules’ and publication reasons.

Is Batman almost killing Joker included in your fic? I have very little knowledge of the comics and hearing about newer versions overwriting previous stories makes me even more confused.

Congrats to you for having unlocked a secret level of rambling through deciding to send an ask rather than a comment. This would totally have ended up on AO3 below your comment. :p

And it is going below the cut because it's long as hell.

The scenario you've heard about was from the original run of A Death in the Family, which is the story arc where Jason was killed back in the 80s. In the aftermath of Bruce finding Jason dead (and Jason's birth mother dying shortly thereafter), he hunts for the Joker after realizing that the warehouse explosion didn't, in fact, kill the clown. Somehow (racism!) the Joker ends up being appointed as the Iranian ambassador to the UN. This was later retconned to the fictional country of Qurac, because even DC realized that was a step too far. In the scene after that fun little reveal, Superman is on hand to try and keep shenanigans to a minimum, the Joker predictably tries to gas the entire UN assembly chamber anyway, and then flees via helicopter. Batman, who has been trailing along this entire time in a rage, pursues.

He's planning to kill the clown. Superman, for reasons related to "we don't whack ambassadors and start wars," has been holding him back for the arc thus far. Helicopter pursuit turns into a helicopter fight, during which the Joker's henchman fires a spray of bullets that kills the pilot while everyone is on board and having a bad time. Batman exits the aircraft alive, intact, and furious, and doesn't give a single shit if the Joker died when the chopper hit the sea.

And then a month later the fucking clown comes back again like nothing happened. Only the entire setting has undergone a serious tone shift since Jason's death, which means you're gonna see a lot heavier, dramatic stories that have more significant body counts. Batman cannot get over the death of his son, because no, and eventually Tim Drake pops up in the middle of that death spiral with a hypothesis: "Batman needs a Robin."

He's not wrong.

He also doesn't go about it super gracefully, including an attempt to convince Dick to come back to the Robin mantle that goes nowhere, but eventually he convinces the Dark Knight to take on a third Robin. Unlike Dick and Jason, Tim is locked the fuck down for training and not allowed out in the field willy-nilly. And when he does go out, he is ferociously competent.

Incidentally, this is because the writers/editors realized that after the child murder storyline they'd just done, Batman had to have one hell of a reason to ever take on another kid sidekick. And they needed to try and drag the Robin role's popularity back up, since killing a kid sidekick was also a symptom of DC's tanking sales at the time; the whole thing was ultimately a publicity stunt. It was a bad idea and now we just live with it.

So Tim is, broadly, never portrayed as incompetent in any aspect aside from maybe high school socializing. I don't think he gets kidnapped even a tenth of the number of times Dick did during his decades-long career as Robin. Certainly never falls for a honey trap plot or anything like that.

But yeah, the meta reason why the Joker never dies is because he's an iconic villain who drives plots. But unless you step out of the main continuity, he's also never just been a "no-frills funny" villain since.

ANYWAY.

As far as the rest of the Batfam taking a swing at the Joker, there's one incident that I can recall off the top of my head.

Dick Grayson, currently Nightwing, wasn't especially close to Jason while he was alive. During Jason's original run, they had a cordial (if brief) relationship, but they basically didn't get any storylines together, so it's hard to really tell how strongly they bonded. After Jason died, Dick began experiencing...I wanna call them chronic night terrors. The idea is that a boy in a Robin costume is falling, and falling, and Dick can never save the kid.

I'm sure it has nothing whatsoever to do with his dead brother, no sir.

So, some time later, the Joker gets told he has terminal cancer by a psychiatrist who assumes that if the clown was convinced he was going to die, he might try reforming or something. A terminal turnaround. Lots of people do that, right?

He assumed wrong.

The Joker goes on an utter tear, doing all sorts of escalating villainy that starts with gassing everyone he can get his hands on, including other Arkham inmates. Somewhere amid this rampage, Robin III goes missing and the Joker cheerfully tells Nightwing that yeah, he killed the kid. And he has the gall to bring up Jason in the middle of all the gloating. By name. (The Joker knows Jason's name due to some nonsense involving Crane and Fear Toxin hallucinations and Batman in a prior story arc.)

And Dick

fucking

SNAPS.

Pummels the Joker right there on the floor. Barehanded. No sticks, no pausing, just beats him to death.

Two seconds later, a very alive (if hurt) Tim manages to get there and go "oh god what happened." Because Dick is not doing well! He has a crisis about killing a dude, no matter how terrible. He never thought he'd go that far.

Batman swoops in and resuscitates the clown. In the time between Jason's death and The Joker's Last Laugh, he has apparently decided that it's more important to keep Dick from suffering a breakdown than it is to kill the clown. DC editorial was gonna keep him alive either way, but whatever.

And now for the third part of my ramble.

As for Under the Red Hood, Jason's death is seriously streamlined for the film. In this version of events, none of the UN chicanery happens. Ra's al Ghul hires the clown for a distraction job while trying to crash the world economy (again) and whoops, the clown killed Batman's son. Crowbar, bomb, whatever. Before Jason's body can be buried, the League of Assassins steals it, hucks Jason into the Lazarus Pit, and now he's alive again!

Except, given how he died and how long he spent dead and how that interacts with the magic, he wakes up as a berserk ball of rage and pain, kills two of Ra's al Ghul's guards with his bare hands, escapes, falls into a river, and disappears.

...So much for making that whole thing up to Batman. The League of Assassins just quietly lets Bruce bury a latex dummy and doesn't ever bring it up.

Cut to Gotham, years later, when Red Hood is tearing up the place and Batman goes "Ra's al Ghul, what the fuck" and the whole story comes spilling out.

In A Ninja's Guide to Gotham, Jason's dropped hints in his narration that he was actually with the League of Assassins for a while, even before going 'round the world training with assassins and stuff. The Lazarus Pit just got him back to full functionality. So, you can assume it leans more on the comics' "spontaneous resurrection" scenario.

If Bruce ever tried to kill the Joker while Jason was dead, Jason doesn't know about it. And because we haven't been in Bruce's head, there's no indication either way.

(Bruce makes mention of how easy it would be kill the Joker in the film, but that he could never come back from doing so. It is not specified if he made the attempt or just thought about it a lot.)

I've been holding back on Jason's and Bruce's accounts of events because they're both owed a moment of dramatic catharsis (and shouting). You can generally rest assured that it'll be more likely to be a mix of events than a pure account of any one take on what happened in the warehouse that day.

Thanks for setting off an exposition bomb~

[kamomie]

Frequent q!Foolish defense statements and my response(long read btw):

Why are people calling q!Foolish a traitor over one lie? And why are people treating him so harshly and hating on him, in comparison to others?

I don't know why q!Foolish defenders are so adamant about that one lie, when it's clear that it's just one part of the whole issue. Arresting his friends, believing the federation over his friends, not caring all too much about what will happen to his friends, then his lie, him being purposefully deceitful when people ask him questions about what is going on. Him choosing to continue his federation work and deciding to be quiet about it. All of that adds up, all of that is the reason people consider him a traitor.

I haven’t seen anybody actually hate on q!Foolish, I’ve seen him get criticized and people(me) hoping he gets a rude awakening? Which is fair to me.

Anyway, people weren’t nicer to q!Cellbit? I know I heavily criticized q!Cellbit on twitter lmao, it first occurred to me on day 2 of him working for the federation that it could be a double game. People might be slightly harsher on q!Foolish because he’s doing this for selfish reasons, which is fine, when you don’t also harm your friends, which he did.

This is also why people are being more lenient on q!Fit, because people are waiting to see if his infiltration will help, but I, like many others, did think it was shitty of q!Fit to withhold information about q!Tazercraft from q!Forever. But mostly q!Fit is transparent about his work in the federation.

I believe people were nicer towards q!Jaiden because when she was contacted by Cucurucho, she didn’t know about q!Cellbit and q!Felps kidnapping and therefore did not know just how bad the federation is/is perceived.

Also to make it clear, no one is saying q!Foolish has done something unforgivable or unredeemable, but he deserves to face the consequences for his actions.

They didn’t take him seriously, so he felt like he had to lie! What else could he do?

I’m confused, did we watch the same thing? They very much did take him seriously, they started asking questions and when q!foolish started his empty talking, they started questioning if he was lying and asked if he did it for a cloud? No where in this situation were they not taking him seriously? Was the interrogation not a major indicator that they took it very seriously? He went into this situation already having decided to not share information and was deceitful from the beginning. Also, his lie came later when he was talking to q!Jaiden, who very much took him seriously…

Q!Foolish was always pro-federation!

Yup, but because there was trust between them, they let q!Foolish have his fun. This is also why it’s gonna be detrimental when some of them learn he was being deceitful, and he lied. Q!Foolish joining the federation would’ve been mostly fine, if he was transparent and shared information.

Q!Bad believes that q!Foolish is essentially used as a federation scapegoat and is therefore treating him much the same as before, but the trust between them has definitely taken a bit of a hit.

Poor q!Foolish, he's always been so kind and patient, even when others were killing him and bothering him. He deserves a villain arc, and to say fuck them all.

LMAO. Yes q!Foolish is a patient person, I agree, and he certainly has been very kind to others, though kind would not be the first word I'd use to describe him.

q!Foolish is an instigator. Almost all the time he's being hit or killed it's because he's actively hoping for that sort of reaction. The most prevalent example is his relationship with Dapper. q!Foolish will antagonize Dapper, and then Dapper will retaliate. It's all in good fun. It's not serious. The same with q!Bad, who is the person I know people are actually wanting to criticize when talking about this specific point. All it tells me is that you don’t understand their friendship and that you don’t understand q!Bad nor q!Foolish. Yeah, q!Bad will invite q!Foolish to a dungeon as a meat shield, but in reality, who actually tanks? Q!Bad. And that is just one example.

And if you truly believe he needs a villain arc and needs to fuck everybody over, then stop defending him and making excuses for him? It's so weak.

And a small snippet from my overview of q!Foolish in general, as it relates :)

One of the things I’ve noticed is q!Foolish is a person who rarely thinks about the possible consequences of his actions and words. This is why I hope he gets forced to face the consequences for the betrayal. I so badly want to see him handle something where the harm happened to other people and not to himself, because he can easily brush off the consequences that harmed himself, but it might surprise him that he can’t brush off the hurt he caused q!Tazercraft.

[missizzy]

A Game Novice's Baldur's Gate Log, 174 Hours In: Two big companion arc climaxes

Masterpost

(Note: this will definitely contain spoilers for all I've played through, and probably quite of a bit of the later stuff I've also seen.)

I'm playing a lot of this game this week. I've done so already, and I'm planning to play a lot more before I head up to Camden/Philadelphia on Tuesday. And I'm actually quite proud of what I accomplished so far. After winning what I've seen agreed to be the game's hardest battle, I also managed a dungeon crawl, largely without looking anything up, and another big battle, and while I'd seen some of the more emotional moments surrounding said battle, I hadn't even seen anything useful for it, so...and I was well rewarded for it last night, with not only a deeply satisfying denouement, but a pair of dice roll outcomes that felt like destiny.

Granted, my first two significantly long attempts at the battle in the Cloiser of Sombre Embrace hadn't gone all that well. I'd gotten out of it that I needed to try to make the characters harder to hit, and maybe also potion them up a little. I put both Sara and Shadowheart in new armor, and gave the latter a shield to get her AC all the way up to 22. (I've since given her Viconia's shield, too, so now it's 23!) I initially intended to switch them back after the battle, but I like how Sara looks in this, and I think I'm at the point in the game where a higher AC will serve her better than the skill bonuses she was getting from the hedge-wanderer armor.

I also gave Sara an Exilir of the Colossus, Shadowheart one of heroism, and Gale one of bloodlust, which had worked so well in the Counting House. And while I was pleasantly surprised to discover I could still take them back to camp while in the cloister, I did still take them back upstairs to clear out the training rooms, which didn't provide much useful for the battle, but did have some excellent character moments for Shadowheart.

The battle still took me three more tries. Another thing I had to do was accept that a couple of my go-tos just weren't going to work with all the darkness spells flung about-I'd already given up having Gale try to counterspell them, because then someone else would just cast it. Counterspell economy, in fact, might have been the final difference-maker, as I learned to balance not using up Gale's spell slots for little effect with also trying to keep more injured characters from being bone-chilled for a turn so they could take a damn healing potion.

Even then, I might have even only succeeded on the third because that time, Sara actually saved against the Mapped Terror effect for most of the fight. She did finally succumb late in it, and so still had that moment where she believed her worst fear of becoming a mind-flayer had come true, but by then enough of the Sharrans were dead that being paralyzed for a turn wasn't as damaging practically.

So when we'd won, and it became time to decide Viconia's fate, Sara did offer Shadowheart first dibs on deciding it. And it definitely showed that character's growth when she chose simply to walk away from the woman who had kidnapped and brainwashed her. But Sara, on the other hand, had already warned the Mother Superior during the mapping she kills those who wronged her, and those six seconds of physical and psychological violation are among the greatest wrongs anyone's ever done her. The trauma's definitely going to stay with her a long time. Honestly, that woman was lucky Sara made it quick.

I spent a long hour exploring the cloister while trying to figure out how to open the door in the back. This proved more exploration that was worth it simply for the further character moments for Shadowheart, especially as Jennifer English showed her ability to break our hearts just with the lines that pop up from walking around. But even after I ended up looking up how to offer objects to the altar in front of the door, I just could not figure out how to place them on said object in a way the game would recognized as them being offered. Finally, I went back to camp and swapped Gale out for Astarion, just so he could pick the damn lock.

Throughout Shadowheart's story, I've kept underestimating the horror of it. And I did so right to the end. I'd heard vaguely that she had to chose whether or not to kill her parents, and wondered if they'd switched sides, but that she had to do it to free herself from Shar, that they even begged her to...far, far worse. I didn't want to make that choice. Sara wouldn't for someone else anyway. Though I was relieved when leaving Shadowheart to make it herself had her kill them. Them becoming motes perhaps helped soften it a little.

It almost felt weird when afterwards, since I'd looted Viconia's vault key off her, I took that party to the Counting House, and Shadowheart and Astarion were having amusing banter as if she hadn't just gone through what she had. I'd worried I'd have to pay for another day pass, but all the doors down to the vault remained opened. We just walked in and grabbed its contents no problem. I'm not sure if they'll be any use at this point in game, but I hope Sara or possibly Wyll will eventually give that blackmail ledger to the right person.

I was also really, really grateful Sara got to give Shadowheart a hug during that night's cut scene. Sometimes you really do need to give a character a hug.

After the long rest, the inspirations I'd gotten last week now safely in hand, I took Astarion, Gale and Halsin, made sure the last had the Daylight spell prepared, and headed out to where the map indicated Cazador could be found. I'd been confused for a while about how we were supposed to get to him, but when trying to find some turn I hadn't taken yet, I instead moved the view up, and saw the door to his palace up above. After initially jumping Sara up to the ramparts, I also spotted how to get everyone up there through the watch tower.

And from there, I actually kept figuring things out, more than I had before this. Sara failed her checks while examining the sinister door, but Gale made them both, and I immediately figured there'd be a signet ring to open it around somewhere. The first time around the area, I didn't try to go through the door with the necrotic energy, but explored everywhere else, including the kennel, and though Sara tried to intimidate Godey into leaving them alone, she was very happy to kill him instead when that failed. I was happy, too, when he had the needed ring on him.

When that alone wasn't enough to get through, I knew immediately we'd have to deal with the necrotic door. I actually had Halsin cast Protection from Good and Evil on Sara and had her approach the door alone. It didn't protect her, but I just had her take the damage, and Astarion take a small amount of it too, as he lockpicked the chest and she checked the dead Victoria. Once she'd seen the letter she had on her, I quickly got her out of the Vitality Drain area, had her locate and read the needed dictionary, and then misty-stepped her safely back out.

I did quite well during the battle after we successfully got through that door into the ballroom as well, being economic with spells, as I now realized I needed to be, and using the right moves to bring the various beasts down quickly. I found the elevator to the dungeon pretty quickly after that as well. Initially during the cut scene I worried I'd left Halsin, who was by then in bear form, behind, as he wasn't shown on the descending platform, but he was with us when we manifested in the dungeon.

The first scene in the dungeons I'd seen already was the one where Astarion finds himself face to face with the victims he'd believed dead, now facing a far, far worse fate. It was one that had stayed with me even then, but was much more painful, now that I knew everything, including how significant it was that Astarion himself was horrified by what he saw. Which made it even worse when he promptly still declared he'd kill them all too, insisting to Sara, who wanted to free them, that they had to die anyway. She didn't have the heart to try to intimidate Sebastian out of cursing Astarion, and her persuasion check failed, as I didn't dare use any inspiration on it.

It was when I resumed at this point last night that I discovered I had noone and nothing on hand that could remove curses. Astarion was going to be at disadvantage during the battle. Which was the start of my starting to think I'd chosen the wrong party and made the wrong preparations for this. And, of course, this location was one we couldn't fast-travel or go back to camp from. After being so proud of how well I'd dungeon-crawled, I would soon start to wonder if I would have to do everything over.

I had a number of starts to the battle I ended up reloading out of quickly, nearly panicking over all of it. I tried to figure out different preparations I could make, but the only one I could think of was keeping Halsin in bear form, so he could kill the beasts quicker, which seemingly meant abandoning my plan to cast Daylight. At one point I wondered if I would go back to the beginning, or maybe just spend some more time exploring the rest of the dungeon first, especially as I began to think if I had to sit through the cut scene of Cazador's abuse and taunting of Astarion one more time I was going to scream.

The last time I went through that door to the cut scene, I was actually telling myself I would trying wandering off if that attempt failed. Which maybe made me stick with it a little longer than I might have otherwise. I'd spent the earlier attempts fretting over my inability to destroy the runes Gale commented on as the battle began, but this time I actually listened to him also comment about the circles and standing in them. I then concentrated on first getting him misty-stepped over to Astarion to get him down. Later I also had Halsin shove Cazador out of his circle in the middle, though I'm still not entirely sure how much effect that had.

His spells were still terrible. It's a miracle nobody went down, and we were completely out of healing potions by the final turn. Hearing Cazador's taunts made me even believe he might be able to ascend even with Astarion freed. I had Gale loot the coffin in the middle of the battle in the hopes of finding a way of shutting that down, which meant I did at least get his vault key. I did make some brief attempts to kill one of the other spawn, though in the end that didn't happen. I've since confirmed this would've merely prevented Astarion from making the choice to ascend or not, and so I'm glad I didn't manage it. (I think I may do it in any future playthroughs where I'm not ascending him, though. It's not like any version of that cut scene could live up to the one I ended up getting this time.)

Eventually, after Halsin got damaged out of his wild shape form twice, I had him cast the Daylight spell after all, and I was relieved to discover Cazador's turning himself into a red mist puff didn't mean we couldn't damage him. With most of the bigger beasts down, we focused in on him. Eventually he went down to less than ten hit points, but I don't *think* he hit zero. And then, at that point, he suddenly vanished. All that was left on the battle field was one poor little bat, and when Sara axed it initiative ended. This actually ended up being the only time I looked up the answer, worried he'd teleported off to somewhere or something. But no, I read, he'd just retreated to his coffin a little early, and I just had to click on it for the next part.

The next part which I'd technically seen played through, but by a streamer playing as Astarion, which was a very different affair from this. I had also, on a different occasion, seen the immediate aftermath (though not the moment itself), of his ascending, where during the subsequent confrontation with the Gur, the streamer had actually asked her viewers whom they sided with at this point, and all I could think was that was when Sara would just go to pieces, unable to cope. Ultimately, I'd seen more than enough to know I did not want him ascending.

And yet, I pretty much knew, as I clicked on that coffin, that if she failed the checks, I wouldn't reload. I actually don't know if she would've given in and let him. She might have refused to help, and suffered him leaving the party. I actually don't think I'll even be using him further anyway; I've basically already mentally chosen my parties for Wyrm's Crossing redux, the House of Hope, and the Netherbrain, and there wasn't really room for him in any of them.

I had also learned while looking things up that there was an Insight check into his mindset to potentially be made as well. That made me feel better, since Sara has advantage and +7 to Insight. The 20 DC was still intimidating, but I took the guidance I'd given to Halsin when he'd leveled up some time ago partly for this exact moment, and reminded myself her odds of making it were still pretty good as I rolled.

She rolled two natural 20s. I couldn't believe it. This vampire spawn was one she'd spent half the game not understanding at all, not really liking him and being at odds with him while still caring about him way too much, but now, the dice emphatically declared, she saw into him and understood him at the moment it mattered most.

And so she knew to repeat what she'd said to him earlier, that the power wouldn't free him, and hope it took. I was a little miffed when I saw the DC for that one was 15; you kind of hope a check you double-critted on would bring such a DC lower. But I had the guidance still up, and I'd made damn sure she had Spaw's necklace on and took that plus two, and so I reminded myself of the inspirations I'd worked so hard to get, and rolled with fingers crossed

Another natural 20. I sat there gaping. There was nothing to think but that this was destiny. She was meant to save Astarion from himself. And her doing so had been hard-earned. Honestly, if she'd been on better terms with him at the start, it wouldn't have been as powerful. If she'd been romancing him, it would've been the most dangerous kind of cliche. But when they had to come as far as they had? It was fucking brilliant.

Then came the moment I'd sort-of seen, where Astarion then repaid his enslaver for two hundred years of abuse and misery. Playing as Astarion means you get the violence, but it's honestly weaker without the preceding dialog. The killing was also a lot more satisfying to watch after you've made the journey with him, and I know Sara enjoyed seeing him do it maybe as much as he enjoyed doing it.

Although unfortunately, this was a scene where the lag got in the way, especially during the breaking down. The sound going out of sync meant Astarion's cries of grief happened as disassociated sounds, his slumping down they were supposed to accompany instead accompanied only by the music. I actually ended up going onto YouTube and watching the whole sequence again, just to see it properly.

But I can't actually say the lag ruined it. Not when seeing him slumped down like that caused me to start sobbing a little myself. Although maybe that was also due to the hard battle and anxiety-raising cut scene I'd just slogged through.

There was the rest of it to get through after that. Sara wasn't going to do anything but free all the other spawn, so that was what she did. I was a little amused when his declaring it was all over and we should leave at the end of the cut scene was immediately followed by him getting an exclamation point over his head. Still a diva, it seems. But that extra bit of dialog was pretty short, and I was left to call it a night, and marvel at what I'd just done.

I knew at the beginning of the week I'd want to write another fic on my four-day weekend, which I've already started. It's going to be a Shadowzel one, though also involving an idea involving Sara and Gale I've had bouncing about my head since Halsin made his pass at her. After that, I'm going to look up the companion quests and moments of Act III, just to see if there's any more of them I should do before going to get the wyrm, kill Gortash, steal the hammer, and head into the endgame. Although even after dealing with the Gur when I resume, it looks like I also need to make another little trip to the Counting House.

[theshadytree123]

11/30/23 - 12/29/23

So, I’m alive. Unfortunately. I know I said I was going to be taking a break for finals, but I lied. My finals were pretty easy, and I did write quite a bit. I did take a break though, after finals ended and I realized just burnt out I was from Necklace of Viernar, so I completely ignored it for like a week in favor of scrolling through monologues in Monologue Blogger. And then I got wildly distracted making a D&D character, and writing this very silly short story set after Behind the Veil where Claudia, Clarette, and two characters that haven’t been introduced yet end up kidnapping/adopting? a 12 year-old. It’s not even done yet, and I’m slightly worried it’ll take over my life considering it’s already 6,000 words long and my characters have done absolutely nothing.

But I finally finished Chapter 8 yesterday and it was… interesting, to say the least. First of all, it was much shorter than the other chapters. My chapters generally hit at around the 3,000 word mark, but this was barely 2,000 words. I’m pretty resigned to that at this point, since I can’t really figure out a way to boost the word count in a way that wouldn’t feel silly, and I love a good cliffhanger. Also, this ball is now 3 whole chapters long, and I would rather be writing anything else at this point.

Anyway, this chapter was pretty boring. Claudia has an awkward conversation with the person Vied is trying to kill, whose name is apparently Fedlimid Aquila. I don’t know why past me decided that, but I’ve had to look that name up six separate time in my notes, so I’m pretty glad Vied killed him like 2 minutes later. Then we have some very boring Sarany worldbuilding, and then FINALLY get to leave!! Finally!!!

Things finally get interesting when Phillipo drugs and then kidnaps Claudia, which was not in the plan. I had a very strict outline for this arc. I knew exactly what was going on, and I knew exactly when it was gonna happen. Phillipo was going to drug Claudia, Claudia going to kill him, and then she was going to jump out of the carriage and make it to the rendezvous right as the sedative finally took hold. Then Clarette and Karelis are going to freak out a bit, and then after a few hours Claudia was going wake up, and then business as usual.

But then I realized that Karelis hasn’t really done much yet, and I realized if Phillipo just died he wouldn’t have time to become one of Karelis “project” or as I like to call it, one the the “people she’s going to Robin Hood”, so I had to keep him in for a bit. I don’t think Claudia’s going to need much saving, considering that she’s literally going to wake up in a room full of ice sculptures. I’m more imagining Clarette and Karelis freaking out and trying to break in, while Claudia tries to break out, and then they meet in the middle and deliver Phillipo to be arrested. This also means that we’re going to meet a certain character ahead of schedule who I am very excited for. Even if she only cameos for a bit, just to make sure people know she exists. But I’ll talk more about that when it actually happens.

WC 8: 2041

WC T: 25824

[abybweisse]

isn't ronald a bit too apprehensive in this ch? collecting souls is their job, i get it, but it seems too much even for ron. what i'm trying to say is i believe there's more to it, like ron must complete a task by collecting the soul(s), maybe its something relevant to the investigation

Investigation at Athena Sanatorium

Well, I was saying earlier in posts (as well as in comments) that Ronald might not be there simply to collect souls. We’ve seen this before: a reaper sent ahead to investigate before a large number of people are killed. Examples:

William is sent to Noah’s Arc Circus before many of the performers are killed at Baron Kelvin’s manor and Phantomhive Manor. They are not killed on circus grounds, nor are the kidnapped children killed there, though many children also die at Kelvin’s manor. We don’t know why he was sent to investigate, but it could be due to the fact many of the deaths are caused by Sebastian, a demon. And William is the one who follows to Kelvin’s manor, so that’s the important part, not the deaths at Phantomhive Manor, where Grelle ends up going. These impending deaths are investigated because most of them are caused by a demon.

Ronald is sent ahead to board Campania, in preparation for ~1500 expected to die there. It’s not because of Sebastian this time but because of Undertaker. The ship is destined to hit an iceberg anyway, but Undertaker brings all those bizarre dolls, and they kill people even before the ship hits the iceberg. Specifically, Ronald says he was sent to investigate all the reanimated corpses, because the reaper organization doesn’t understand why they are walking around. Ronald has to prove that their souls had already been collected; they really are walking corpses, not paperwork goof-ups or reapers failing to do their job. These deaths have to be investigated because extra deaths are being caused by soulless bodies and a rogue reaper.

The mystery person shown in ch137 is likely a reaper sent to investigate the impending deaths at the cult’s sacrificial ritual. We know it’s not Grelle or Ronald, because they are clueless about it. It could be William… or someone we haven’t yet met. Not all of the deaths would be under investigation; the children previously killed by the cult didn’t work to summon any demons, so there’s nothing “unusual” about their deaths (they were killed by humans). This event is investigated because the majority of the deaths that day are caused by a demon answering a summons and making a contract.

Madam Red is being investigated by Grelle… until Grelle decides to help with the murders. I’m not sure why Madam Red was actually being investigated; she’s just a human… on a killing spree. Perhaps reapers investigate serial killers, even if they are mere humans? 🤷‍♀️

So, what’s interesting enough about this situation, at Athena Sanatorium, to get the reaper organization to send someone ahead to investigate, days or even weeks before the impending deaths? Baldo works for someone who has a demon contract, but Baldo himself is human. Lau is probably just a human, too. So is Ada, and even Layla is probably a regular (though sadistic) human being. And the patients are very human.

But ch185 tells us that there will be a blood pickup the very next day, and we know (from Mey-Rin’s and Ran-Mao’s assignment) that Lord Polaris and other cloaked figures will arrive to help orchestrate that pickup, even if it’s just regular people who load up the carriages. And we know that Lord Polaris reports back to Undertaker and real Ciel after the operation at Heathfield Manor is destroyed. If Lord Polaris or another “lord of the stars” shows up the next day at the sanatorium, they could kill people when they find out the blood isn’t ready for pickup. These “lords” are advanced bizarre dolls, after all, so that would be deaths caused in unusual circumstances… and Lord Polaris is already on edge, angry at people for failing at their jobs. Considering what he says and does when he makes his previous report, he could easily “go off” and lash out against Ada or anyone else who refuses to let him take the collected blood… or when Ada tells him they stopped collecting.

But still. Why is Ronald snooping around and listening to Baldo and Ada talk? It’s possible that Ada was on the list to die right then, but Baldo listens to her, gives her an ultimatum, and she complies. So, Baldo doesn’t kill her. But that doesn’t necessarily mean she was on the list for death just yet. Could be that Baldo was never going to shoot her; I mean the reapers might have already known she wasn’t going to die right then. But “tomorrow”, when the others come to pick up the blood? If they try to kill her, Ronald will be stuck with a decision to make: should he collect her soul… or should he give her a shinigami pass?

It would be very interesting if that’s why we are privy to this particular investigation. We have yet to see a reaper choose not to collect. And he might decide that Ada living would make a large enough impact on humanity that it would be worth letting her live. That’s something I’d like to see.

[stellocchia]

So, I once made a post about c!Tommy and c!Dream’s relationship throughout season 1 (which you can find here), but today I was thinking, why not do the same for the Exile Arc?

There are some people that still don’t seem to have a comprehensive idea of what actually went down during that time (either because they joined the fandom afterwards or haven’t watched it at the time) so I’ll try to do that here. I’ll cover the first 2 streams here, and then continue in the next part because this is gonna be way too damn long otherwise...

As always I’ll be talking only about the characters and the roleplay from here on out and also I’ll be touching on some very heavy topics under the cut (such as gaslighting and abuse). Also this is gonna be another one of my Overly Long Analysis, so... you know... be warned of that.

I’ll be going through this vod by vod, so It will be so long... God why do I always do this to myself?

Let’s start with TommyInnit Is Exiled From The Dream SMP... which is the vod when Tommy actually get’s exiled.

So, the exile scene per se has been covered a 100 times over, but, right after Tubbo asking Dream to “please detain and excort Tommy out of my country” Dream yeets Tommy off the walls and then he immediately establishes the general idea of how it’ll be in exile: “I don’t think you wanna die Tommy. You need to- to listen to me”.

Also it is to be noted that in this “exile” time and time again Dream establishes arbitrary rules that were most certanly not meant in the initial sentence (which is why it’s much more of a kidnapping then an actual exile). Starting from before they even leave L’Manburg completely. In fact when they are still in the vc with the others and still just down from the obsidian walls, Tommy and Dream have this exchange:

“Do I have any time to speak words? What can...” “NO. NO. NO. NO!” “what the...” 

And then right after (just after leaving the vc):

“Do you have food?” “Yeah...” “Good, we’ll be going a long while still” “Am I not allowed- well surely- surely I’m only exiled from L’Manburg-” “Oh, no no no. You’re exiled from everywhere that’s been touched”

The sentence was only for him to be exiled from L’Manburg. Dream theoretically only had authority over the Greater Dream smp in any case, so how come immediately Tommy’s “sentence” becomes being exiled from “everywhere that has been touched”? What authority did Dream have to exile him from the Badlands? Or the Holy Grounds (considering those are widely considered neutral)?

This is from right after Ghostbur joins them:

“Well, I don’t- I don’t have to come with you” “Well, I mean, I’ll kill you” (...) "I don’t have to follow you! I don’t-” “Tommy! Then I’ll just kill you. What happens if I kill you?” “I die...”

Again, technically Tubbo only asked Dream to escort Tommy out of his country, not all the way to his place of exile. Tommy here is right, he is exiled, he is not supposed to have a jailor going with him, he is not supposed to be imprisoned. All he supposedly had to do was get off the lands he wasn’t allowed into and then he’d be good. Of course Dream’s plans were different there.

Also the trend of constantly undermining anything Tommy is feeling at any given moment sure doesn’t stop with the Exile Arc! 

“No, no! I don’t want to head anywhere! I wanna to go back! I wanna go back!” “Fine fine, we’ll head this way then. It’s fine, this is fine” “I don’t wanna go!” “Tommy come on...”

Honorable mention to Dream talking about the first time he exiled Tommy:

“Do you remember- this is actually funny! Do you remember the first time you ever joined the server? And uhm... you got exiled? By me?” “Yeah?” “It’s kinda like that, except now if you don’t listen you die”

And the conditioning begins all the way here, with Dream trying to decide Tommy’s emotions for him:

“Oh... I hate you” “*laughs* Okay Tommy, you don’t hate me” “No, no I definitely do” “Noooo, you don’t hate me”

Cue Dream just blowing up Tommy’s second Summer Home after he explained that it was supposed to be a safe haven for him and Tubbo. Also note that Dream is already getting rid of any mob attacking Tommy even if at this point he still had armour and weapons to defend himself. I talked about this before, but Dream does seem to want Tommy to be as dependent on him as he is on Tommy, which is why during exile he made him dependent on him for protection/safety and company and in prison for food. Also Ghostbur going: “I don’t think this man is very nice...”, thank you Ghostbur, I wish you could remember that, but you’re trying your best and I appreciate it...

“How long is- how long am I exiled for? When can I just go back?” “You can’t (...) if you go back you die”

Again, not Dream’s decision to make. Tubbo was the one exiling Tommy meaning that, if Tubbo actually had the decision power in that istance, Tubbo was the one who should have decided when he could come back. Also, again reiterating the point from before:

“I thought I was only banished from L’Manburg, that was the deal, not the entirety of the smp-” “Oh no. No you’re banished far enough where they don’t see you”

Also, a little look into Tommy’s mentality here:

“Tubbo said he wasn’t thinking with emotion, but with reason, but: what the fuck is the point if there isn’t any- any emotion?!”

This is honestly why he is Dream’s exact opposite and probably why he finds him fun, while Tubbo is irrelevant to him. Tommy thinks emotions should always be taken into account when making decisions and he values sentimentality over everything. Dream is the opposite, to him emotions are irrelevant and sentimentality is a weakness. Tubbo is a bit of both, which makes his clash of ideologies with Dream a lot less evident. 

Anyway, they get to the island and Dream builds Tommy a dirt shack for him to set his spawn into. And then there is the first istance of Dream taking all of Tommy’s stuff (building blocks and food included) and blowing it up. Which, again, is in no way an actual exile condition. Tommy is in jail basically. He got kidnapped and now he is in jail. Also right after that Dream gives them food and obsidian (of course acting like he is doing them a big favour, when he actually just created that need), which Tommy bromptly refuses, later burning the obsidian.

Also Dream’s parting words here are: “I’ll see you never”. Which couldn’t be less true! There is quite a bit more after that, of Tommy and Ghostbur settling in, finding a ruined portal with some armour and the village nearby and Techno visiting, but this is about c!Dream and c!Tommy and it’s already incredibly long as is, so maybe I’ll talk about everything else another time...

Onto the next one: Tommy Is Alone in Exile with Dream...

This stream starts off with Bad visiting Tommy to give him a few presents (which consist of Chirp, 2 diamonds, an enderchest, and almost dead diamond pick with silk touch, some coocked chicken some bones and a few stacks of oak wood logs). Also Tommy sees Logsteshire for the first time. Then Dream arrives and he is not happy about the present (something something, having other people giving Tommy useful stuff would make him less reliant on Dream). Also Bad seems to be slightly scared of Dream since he immediately tells Tommy that he should not say that any of the stuff he gave him was from him. Anyway, Dream destroys everything, but Tommy, with Bad’s help, manages to save Chirp. Here’s their exchange in this scene of course:

“Tommy?” “Yes! Yes?!” “Do you have uh... something you wanna put on the floor here?” “Yes *throws in 3 red concrete blocks*” “Anything else Tommy?” “No! You’re evil by the way, you’re an evil man-” “Come on... I know there is something else you wanna drop down here...” “No there-... *gives disk to Bad* I don’t reckon there is!” “Okay are you sure...?” “Yes!” “Alright... how about uh- how about your armour Tommy?” “No this is- I actually earned this myself” “I know you did! Just drop it in the hole Tommy” “No, no! You can’t just come and demand things from me! I’ve been exiled, I’ve done your shit! What- what do you mean-” “Tommy~” “What?” *Dream hits Tommy with an enchanted netherite axe* “Drop them down~” “Hooooo okay okay okay!”

So, in case anyone was wondering, physical abuse is there as well. And this is fully depicted as physical abuse. Like, normally, with this being Minecraft, it is implied that violence is generally inconsequential, here though c!Tommy reacts to it clearly in pain and shock. There is no doubt there. 

Sapnap arrives at this point as well. After that Dream makes it a point that Tommy cannot have the enderchast that Bad gave him because you can never have enough random arbitrary rules when kidnapping someone apparently! 

“Why are you here? Why are you here? What- what could you- what could you possibly want more from me? You’ve tortured me-” “I’m just! I’m just... keeping an eye on you Tommy” 

I’ve highlighted this because, considering the last time Dream was there he said he would never see Tommy again, Tommy’s confusion here is more then understandable. But of course Dream acts like it’s obvious that he would be there and that it’s necessary to make sure that Tommy is not “up to no good”. Also, another extremely important exchange: 

“You’ve exiled me you stupid manipulative green bastard!” “Yeah I know! I know! And you know why I did that” “Yes? Yes?” “No, you know why” “Why?” “Because you don’t listen to me ever. You’re the only person who doesn’t ever listen to me (...) listen, you are like a little annoying bug in my room and it pisses me off so I take you and I put you outside and that’s what I did. And now I’m just making sure that you stay outside”

So... the bullshit about this being about George’s house is out of the window by the first proper exile stream. Also Dream goes in the ever increasing list of villains who, if annoyed enough, will reveal all their evil plans to the protagonist. Like Tommy screaches enough and Dream will immediately go in evil monologuing mode...

“So what do you actually want from me then?” “Well nothing, I’m just here to talk to you. Tommy, we’re still friends ok? Just because I exiled you doesn’t mean we’re not friends-” “Just because I killed your friends and family doesn’t mean we can’t be bros...” “Well, it’s true!”

Ok so, it’s confirmed that Dream would still go on with this “friendship” facade even if he killed Tubbo or Wilbur then. Also:

*Tommy sees a creeper* then in the most monotone tone ever: “Help me” Dream sprinting from the other side of the cave: “TOMMY!”. I love this scene and I love this two dumbasses (and I mean the cc’s here). Also, to go back to the serious stuff: once again Dream is the one killing every single mob around Tommy because he blew up all his means for defence. Also Bad and Sapnap are still there as well, but Dream is always the on interveening (mostly because he is the one following Tommy around more closely). I’ll have a few of the more interesting quotes here afterwards until the next interesting scene:

“If I had 8 legs I would fuck you all up” “Oooh, no you wouldn’t” (Dream de-valuing Tommy’s anger once again)

“Stop following me” “NO” “Well okay then...” (honestly this was just funny...)

“Can I call you Wilbur? Or is it Ghostbur...?” “You can call me whatever you like” (for those saying that Ghostbur not correcting Tommy was weird)

“Alright Wilbur, what do you need an enderchest for? I might make an exception but-” “We- we need it so that we can access our stuff from the old world, the old world” “But not to go back” “How would we be able to go back with an enderchest?” “Well I don’t know maybe there is stuff in there that’s... better” “Tommy do you have anything that could get you to go back? In the enderchest?” “A boat? What’d you mean?” “Yeah to be honest we just need wood to get back, it’s not really-” 

Here we have Ghostbur poking holes in one of the new rules that Dream added that day. As a matter of fact, why would an enderchest be dangerous? Tommy mostly keeps sentimental stuff in there and a bit of iron. Still that’s the whole point: Dream is trying to get Tommy under his control so he needs to bring him to a point where he’ll listen to his orders even when they don’t make any actual sense. Also, btw, Dream doesn’t actually give them an enderchest after this exchange.

“Do you want to come with me Tommy? Do you want to come with me and visit the old library?” “No no no” “Yes! Yes please!” “No he wants to stay here with me” “I don’t. I definitely don’t” “He does! He’s just trying to be nice to you Wilbur. He’s trying to be nice to you” “I’m not Wilbur, I want to come with you” (way to gaslight an amnesiac ghost...)

“So how long is Tommy supposed to be here?” “Like a week?” “Oh, a week is not bad!” “*laughing* No he’s here forever” (Like goddamn, imagine if every minor griefing was punished with permanent exile!)

“M-maybe like- does Tommy gets like visitations? Like once every month he get’s to go to L’Manburg-” “No! No no no” “No visitation, huh?” “No visitation” (well, let’s thank Sapnap for trying...)

So, after this Tommy gets his plan to go through the Nether and find a quick way to and from L’Manburg to, perhaps, sneak in unnoticed at some points. Dream “allows” him here to go to the Nether (even though technically there is no reason why the exile would extend to there as well), so they get to work on fixing a ruined portal. “Did you know, I apparently blew up a nation and killed everyone” (thank God we have Ghostbur, he makes everything better). One thing I want to note though: at this point Tommy still kills the mobs attacking him when Dream is not stalking him and doing it for him, which is kind of nice. We are still at the first exile stream though...

“Can I go back for like an hour and see all my friends?” “No, they can come here though. I-I mean Tommy, I think- I think that someone could come here and visit you, but you can’t ever go back. Like I-I don’t have anything against people coming here and visiting you if they want to. They don’t HAVE to, but they can if they really want to” “Tommy think of it this way: whenever you’re in prison you can’t just go and visit your friends, but they can come and visit you” “They can come and visit you, yeah, that’s actually a very- that’s a perfect analogy”

I wonder why the best analogy for Tommy’s situation is not a f*cking exile analogy, but actual prison. Maybe because he is confined to one place, not allowed to keep any personal items and never allowed to go back? Also they actually get to Nether hub at this point and there is the famous scene with Tommy looking at the lava: 

A curious thing about this scene (aside from being a clear indication of the beginning of Tommy’s depressive spiral) is both that Dream didn’t seem to particularly care about Tommy dying up until now (and in the future as well) as long as he is the one to kill him. Meaning that he seemed fine with it as long as he had control over it. And yet at the end there he agrees with Tommy’s statement of “it’s never my time to die” which kinda makes me think that Dream by this point was already entirely set on his idea of Tommy needing to be alive for Dream to control the whole server. Tommy and Dream head back to Logstedshire after this scene.

*Tommy looks at the lava while standing very close to the edge* “I’ll go back through just to... check and see” *Dream hits Tommy away from the edge* “Come on” *Tommy goes back to the edge and Dream pushes him away again, this time covering the hole* “It’s not your time to die yet Tommy” “It’s never my time to die” “That’s true” 

“Home sweet home...” “Home sweet home. I think it’ll be good! People might visit you all the time, I mean, I can visit you! It’s- it’s actually fun to come here! It’s a little bit- it’s a change of scenery, you know?” “It’s not fun to be stuck here” “Well... you’re not ’stuck’ it’s your vacation home!” “Can I go back? I’m ready...” “No but you can leave this area, you can go somewhere else. This is just- like, I took you far away, you can go further if you want”

So, if anyone is wondering, this is not, in fact, Dream giving Tommy more freedom. Especially considering that when Tommy does leave Logstedshire later on Dream literally hunts him down, so no, that was never an option. What Dream is doing here is make himself sound benevolent by comparison by telling Tommy that the only other options he has are worse since they are even further away.

“I’m here for a good time, not for a long time” (more hints towards Tommy’s depressive spiral)

“Guys how do you know when it’s too much?” (and again)

“Can I go and see the tree?” “Tommy, you can’t go and see the tree” “Dream why don’t you let him just- it’s not in L’Manburg! Why don’t you let him just see the tree and then escort him back?” 

Ghostbur my beloved, pointing out holes in Dream’s rules all the time. Something tells me that’s the reason why Dream tried to kill him later on...

Anyway! This concludes this first post because it’s... Oh fuck this is REALLY long.... welp! I’ll make the others in the next few days! 

[kiribakuficrecs]

hello!!! im going on a very long trip at the end of april and I'm looking for some very long fics to download to keep me entertained! i dont care what they're about as long as there's no major character death or mentions of non-con. ur blog is a godsend ilysm and you do such a good job thank you so much 🙏

hi there!! i definitely have a lot of good lengthy fics i can recommend to you!

quote love unquote by newamsterdam 

Sero nods. “It’s the chance of a lifetime, really,” he says. “We want you to date Bakugou, for the sake of his reputation with the press. Some public appearances, a few ‘candid’ photos. For at least a couple of months.”

“Bakugou sent you to ask me to date him?” Kirishima asks, baffled.

“Of course not. We, his people, are asking you to date him. He’s going to have to get on board, if he wants his career to survive. And in the bargain, Riot will get all sorts of publicity, because their lyricist will be dating one of the industry’s hottest stars. A win for everyone.”

When Kirishima Eijirou's band hits the big time, he's not prepared for his newfound fame. He's even less prepared to meet the actor he's been crushing on for years, or to start dating him as a publicity stunt. The closer Kirishima gets to Bakugou Katsuki, the more he realizes he's in over his head. But it's hard to stop, once his heart is in it.

acceptance and denial by poteto

It all goes okay when Kirishima decides to come out to his friends and it all goes wrong when decides that Bakugou is the best fake boyfriend material.

cause the darks not taking prisoners tonight by imatrisarahtops

“Are those soba noodles?” Kirishima asked.

Again Bakugou’s only reply was a grunt. He offered no further explanation—not that Kirishima honestly expected one—as though making soba noodles from scratch at half past four in the morning wasn’t at all a bizarre occurrence and made complete and total sense. For a fleeting moment, Kirishima even wondered if maybe he was the odd one here. Besides, he’d already decided it was generally not in his best interest to question these types of things with Bakugou, especially when it was something essentially harmless.

When Kirishima has a nightmare and is unable to fall back asleep, he accepts defeat and decides to study in the common area of the dorms. What he doesn't expect to find is Bakugou, also very much awake, and Kirishima can't help but think that maybe they're both having the same problems with sleeping. If he's worried, it's just because they're friends. (Right?)

the weight of your hand by kamin

That night, to the citizens, the explosions were a jolt of fear at every blast, but to the heroes and the students of UA, they were punches and swings, fierce fighting and loud strength. The explosions were the pulse of the battle, and the power of a boy that would never back down.

One after another, explosions set a chorus through the shuddering city.

And then, suddenly—the explosions stopped.

(In which Bakugou’s kidnapping goes a little differently, and just a few seconds could change so much.)

so take my hand (your life will be brighter) by multiclassmaps

When a stranger shows up at the ice rink during Bakugou's usually private training sessions, Bakugou expects to hate him. He doesn't expect to develop feelings that become increasingly difficult to deny, or for them to help each other sort through their emotional baggage. - Bakugou really didn't like Kirishima's smile. There was something about it that made his stomach hurt, something about it that made it difficult to focus. He definitely hadn't thought about that smile on his way to the ice rink that day. He definitely hadn't.

distance makes the heart grow fonder (false) by dragontrappedinhumanskin

When Bakugo and Kirishima get hit by a quirk that forces them to literally stick together or face the less then desirable consequences, how the fuck is Bakugo supposed to keep his crush hidden?! Well, turns out he never needed to.

-- “Well, this fucking sucks, how are we supposed to train?!” "Really closely?"

perihelion by tauontauoff

Bakugou was a comet, blazing out of reach. Kirishima knew he was stupidly lucky that his furious trajectory went by close enough that his fingertips got to graze the cowl of fire. It was enough.

During Christmas Class 1A and 1B spend a laid-back week learning about extreme environment hero work in the Alps. Kirishima was used to keeping part of his feelings for Bakugou hidden, and had every intention of keeping it that way, but things don't always go according to plan.

fight me by mr_todoroki

Bright red, spiky hair. Annoyingly bright smile. Clothes that radiate ‘look at me’ vibes. Neon yellow tank top with black shorts. And those were definitely crocs on his fucking feet.

Yeah, Katsuki hated this guy.

-

Bakugou gets a new roommate.

quietly by chezka

“We’ve been taking the same way to and from school for weeks,” Kirishima grinned, and then when Bakugou frowned at him he put on an affected pout, tilted his head so that he was looking at him through his thick, long lashes, “you never noticed? Am I that easy to miss?”

He could barely finish the sentence before a laugh escaped his lips, and Bakugou rolled his eyes, hit him with a shoulder a little more violently than necessary.

“You stick out like a sore thumb, broom-head,” he grumbled, promptly ignoring Kirishima's whining about his hairstyle when it started coming, “I didn’t notice ‘cause I didn’t care.”

“And now you do?”

everyone knows that cats are independent by purplepersnickety

Eijirou enjoys his job, working the graveyard shift at a 24/7 coffee shop. His daemon Riot is always there to keep him company, and he likes meeting the early-morning patrons and giving them the best possible kick-start to their day. It's been his routine for about a year now.

Then one day, a grouchy guy with a daemon in the form of a lion walks into the shop in the dead of night, and Eijirou decides to strike up a conversation with him.

punks not dead by wrunic

“So you want to use me to piss off your mom?” Kirishima summarized, raising one pierced eyebrow at Katsuki.

“Look, if you want to be all fucking judgy about it, I take cash,” Katsuki said, dropping his hand palm up on the table.

“Hey now,” Kirishima said, raising his hands in surrender, “I didn’t say I wasn’t doing it. I’m always down for a little chaos.” He flashed a grin, showing off his ridiculous shark teeth.

“Good,” Katsuki said. “We start tomorrow."

sent, delivered, read, loved by kiribakuhappiness

Kirishima E. [6.49pm]: ur okay for such an angry dude bakugou! :)

Bakugou K. [7.12pm]: FUCK YOU!

Kirishima E. [7.14pm]: haha! :D ttyl!

Bakugou K. [7.48pm]: FUCKING WHAT DO THOSE DUMB LETTERS MEAN???

Bakugou K. [7.52pm]: I JUST LOOKED IT UP DONT FUCKING TALK TO ME LATER!

Bakugou K. [7.52pm]: STOP TXTING ME!!!

- OR -

Bakugou's and Kirishima's relationship develops from classmates to friends to more, as told through their text conversations.

flicker by mr_todoroki

He was starting to feel depressed. Life was so uninteresting. It was so mundane and forgettable. He had no one to hang out with besides Kota, his family didn’t even live in the city.

He grew his hair out as some sort of rebellion, some sort of stand to make his life the slightest bit more interesting. But he could already feel himself giving in to the pressure of cutting it. He needed to work to live. Without a job, he’d truly have nothing.

OR

Kirishima never applied to UA, therefore never became a hero.

let’s get down to business by kjelfalconer

Katsuki Bakugou, one of the brightest rising stars on wall street, is in need of a new personal assistant. Again. Could Eijirou Kirishima finally be the one to last more than two months?

Katsuki's long suffering HR department sure hope so.

something about us by bigstupidjellyfish

nothing like being in highschool and having no idea how to deal with emotions

fireproof by inkbender

Four years after a classmate nobody seems to remember is kidnapped by the League of Villains, Kirishima drags an amnesiac hobo he found washed up on the beach into his apartment, attempts to teach him how to adult (with varying degrees of success), and discovers along the way that the line between heroism and villainy is quite fine indeed. Plot-divergent after episode 45, the Forest Training Camp arc.

blood riot by magicallee (alternatively)

Kirishima from a universe with no quirks is mind-swapped with an alternate universe version of himself where there are superpowers.

And in that universe he’s a super villain.

And Bakugou is the superhero who caught Evil-Kirishima and put him in prison.

blindside by drowclericpelor

“You’re the first guy friend I’ve had that I can just like, be friends with. You’re either the most unthirstiest boy ever...” Camie shrugged and made another wobbly illusion appear between her hands. It looked like a sparkly rainbow with the word ‘friendship’ beneath it, accompanied by what Bakugou assumed was supposed to be a twinkling sound effect, but it had a tinny quality to it and sounded far away. “...or I just ain’t got the kinda straw you like to ssssip.”

Carefully, Bakugou considered the strange turn this conversation had taken.

He had never been asked, point blank, if he was gay before. And he honestly had never thought about how he would respond. Lying about himself didn’t sit right with him. But he’d always wanted to wait until he was the number one hero - when he stood above everyone else - before coming out. Though he’d had times when he’d thought about doing it before then and had almost gone through with it once. But being the number one hero came first. It wouldn’t matter what people would say about it then as long as he’d risen to the top.

Bakugou knew his lack of a response would give Camie all the answers she needed.

flour power by wingsonghalo

“I’m telling you now, Shitty Hair,” the blonde growled, “I am not gonna play house with you. We will cart this stupid flour around for a week like the assignment says. But some of our idiot classmates are naming the thing and setting up ‘playdates’ and dressing it and I am not doing anything that stupid. Got it?”

Kirishima and Bakugou are paired up to take care of a flour sack for a week. It would be so simple, except nothing with Bakugou is ever simple. Also Kirishima might be kinda sorta completely head over heels for him.

sunchaser by chonideno

that feeling when you suddenly want to jump off a cliff for no reason but instead of a cliff it’s your best friend and instead of jumping it’s growing feelings out of nowhere

or how Bakugou has to try really hard not to throw everything to the wind, and Kirishima doesn't help

i also have a tag specifically for fics that reach somewhere between 30k-70k words long if you wanted to check that out as well! i hope you enjoy the fics here and that i was able to help, ily enjoy your trip!!! :D 

[c-is-for-circinate]

The Mighty Nein have exactly three ways of dealing with enemies, and that is so fascinating to me.

Befriend.  Between Essek and Isharnai, this has been pretty front-and-center lately, but it’s not actually a recent development.  The M9 have been cozying up to potential threats and making nice as far back as Zadash, when they first discovered the Gentleman’s operations and then promptly decided to go to work for him.  It happens in Hupperdook, when they spend all day swearing bloody murder and hunting down the pickpockets who robbed them, and then promptly adopt four more children and nearly die getting their parents out of prison.  It happens in the Bright Queen’s throne room, when they walk into the innermost heart of the nation they’ve been told for fifty sessions is their enemy, and become heroes of the Dynasty.  There’s a tribe of giants who owe them their home and their gratitude and a band of no-longer-bandits who owe them their lives and their pants-wetting terror, because sometimes that is just how the M9 roll. There are so few people this party actually has a stake in killing.  Monsters, whatever, needs must, but like--who the hell are they to judge?  (The first monsters and enemies they ever made friends with, after all, were each other.)

All-out slaughter.  When the Nein do decide they really want to kill someone, they fucking go for the jugular.  True, murder is pretty standard in D&D, but the Nein often throw both caution and reason out the window when something hits their kill button.  This is almost everything about the pirate arc, starting that day in Nicodranas where they tried to talk threateningly to two guys and ended up committing domestic terrorism and then also murdering their way into ownership of a ship, ending that time they got kicked off Pirate Island in less than 24 hours because they decided to rend Avantika asunder the first instant they had the chance.  It’s their entire brief enmity with Lorenzo--they would not wait, they would not plan, they would not stop, and they would not under any circumstances, no matter what Matt wanted of planned, let him go. Hell, this is how ‘prank call Essek in the middle of a dinner party’ turned into ‘paralyze, kidnap, and interrogate’ in the first place.  This group does not do long games if they can possibly help it.

Absolute avoidance.  There are, sometimes, enemies the Nein dislike too much to befriend and aren’t strong enough to kill.  U’kotoa.  Trent Ikithon.  These opponents are relatively rare, because the Nein do absolutely everything player-ly possible to distance themselves from them at every opportunity.  Don’t want to unleash an immense immortal sea serpent?  Fuck just saying ‘no’, we’re headed to the opposite side of the continent from the ocean, and then we’re going to yeet that magic sword directly into a volcano for good measure.  You can’t threaten or blackmail me. This party is very, very good at avoidance on both a personal and collective level.  So much of the early game was built around getting the fuck away from the entire concept of war and law in general, once upon a time.  They have all of them stayed away from their own families, steering clear around Felderwin and Kamordah until they couldn’t any more, putting off visiting the Menagerie, sleeping on the boat instead of going back to Marion’s for one more night.  They run away from their own pasts and selves and inner demons.  They are not all entirely fond of mirrors.

The thing is, I’m always so fascinated by the moments when the party seems to surprise or vex Matt by derailing his plans, and while he’s generally so proud of them for it, what I’m thinking about tonight is his endless, futile attempts to give them a fucking nemesis already. I’m thinking about why it just keeps not working.  And I think it’s this!

This three-pronged approach to dealing with enemies, avoid-befriend-destroy, is basically a three-step guide to making sure you don’t have enemies any more.  In fact, I would say not-having-enemies-anymore is one of the highest priorities the M9 hold, and it has been, almost accidentally, since before the game even started.  The M9 have since the very beginning played what I can only describe as an extraordinarily defensive game.  They don’t go looking for trouble unless it’s specifically connected to some immediate threat to themselves or someone else.  The handful of mercenary contracts they’ve taken have almost universally been about, “hey, let’s do this thing for the Gentleman so he doesn’t decide to mistrust and kill us,” or, “let’s do this thing for the Gentleman so we can get the fuck out of town before they start conscripting to fight the Krynn Dynasty,” or, “hey, let’s do this thing for the Krynn Dynasty so they don’t decide to mistrust and kill us.”

And it’s not about trying to thwart Matt!  It’s about a party of characters who are all extremely defensive and avoidant in their own ways.  Some of it’s about the sheer trauma of everything to do with Molly, and some of it’s probably about the sheer trauma of everything to do with Vax and Raishan and Anna Ripley and every C1 mistake or villain that ever came back to haunt them, and some of it’s just baked into these new characters.  Everyone in this party is so fucking hurt and defensive before they even start.  The only thing that’s changed so far is the bit-by-bit careful broadening of their circle of ‘who to protect’ to include each other, and their friends, and maybe more or less half the world.

The one exception here is, of course, Obann, who has them on the ropes for almost 20 episodes--who they could not kill, and tried, and he had Yasha and they could not possibly join or befriend him, and he had Yasha and they could never forgive or ignore him, and he had Yasha and they could not kill him.  And the thing is, all I can remember right now is how painful so much of that arc was.  Everybody was so desperate.  Everybody was so miserable.  And still, and still, they could not think how to go around this problem any back way, could not recruit allies or head it off.  They could only just distract themselves with brief side quests in hopes that it might help them next time they hurled themselves head-first into trying all-out slaughter again, and again, and again.  It wasn’t like the Chroma Conclave.  They didn’t back out of the first desperate battle and decide to take the long way around on purpose, to measure and trick and evaluate and gather specific resources and plan.  They were so utterly lost.  They were so desperate.

I think that probably, Matt’s hope for Essek was indeed that he’d become the party’s long-term nemesis that Lorenzo and Avantika didn’t have the chance to be.  I think he was hoping the other night for Essek to get away and leave them all feeling suspicious and betrayed.  I think he was hoping a month or two ago that the M9 would head off away from the peace talks and never even find out about Essek until he tried to call in some of those favors for increasingly suspicious things or it all came back around to bite them in the ass.  I think he hoped for a very long time, maybe even a year ago when they met Essek in the first place, that this traitorous mole would become their Anna Ripley--the cold dark super-intelligent mirror to their own broken super-intelligent knifeblade of a friend, someone they could loathe and fear and despise and eventually, eventually destroy.

But the M9 don’t do nemeses if they have any way whatsoever to help it.  Good luck, Matt.  Pretty sure for this crew it is Trent Ikithon and U’kotoa and Tharizdun himself, and absolutely nobody else is big or bad enough for them to actually run up against for more than a single rematch, unless you get real fucking creative.

[yes-i-write-fanfiction]

Would you consider writing a little something for Megatron | Bee | Monarch for G1?? Maybe Monarch following Bee around on the Arc? Or Megatron babysitting (read: kidnapping) Bee? Optimus dealing with a hovering parent harassing his crew? The Decepticons/Autobots reactions to a Literal Child being an active soldier (that some of them have shot)? Please? For my birthday?... okay my birthday's in May but still it'd be fun.

Bumblebee now remembered just why he had left home to join the Autobots without telling his Creator; that was because Monarch was a tad overbearing sometimes. And ever since they had found him on Earth, oh boy, they hadn’t let him out of their sight once, as if they were afraid he was going to run off again. Yes, Bumblebee had considered doing that at first but he had quickly disregard that idea, thinking it was too extreme. Now he was seriously starting to consider it again.

So far, Monarch had scolded aka yelled at seven of his comrades. First Optimus for allowing him to join the autobots, then at Ratchet for not realizing that Bee was a damn child, they yelled at Wheeljack because his experiments were too dangerous, at Sideswipe because he chose the wrong moment to prank Bee. When Hound had asked him to do some combat training with him Monarch had actually lifted the poor mech of the ground and shook him like a ragdoll for even daring to suggest such a thing and when Jazz had tried to calm them down they had picked him up as well. Their latest victim was Grimlock for being too rough when handling Bumblebee and the dinobot still hadn’t come out of his room after it happened.

Because of Monarch’s rampage, most bots were now avoiding Bee like the plague, not wanting to face their wrath as well. The Creator had instilled the fear of Primus is all of them. Monarch wasn’t stupid and noticed this but didn’t do anything about it because they were still too mad about Bumblebee joining the damn army, something they were still scolding him for.

Bumblebee was staring intently at his cube of energon and wondered if he hit himself in the head with it hard enough if he could pass out and get some rest from this living hell. Luckily, it was at that moment that Optimus decided to approach both Bee and his Creator. Monarch was staring daggers Optimus as he approached and the Prime awkwardly reset his vocalizer.

“Monarch, it has come to my attention that you’ve been harassing my crew. Now, while I am more than happy to let you stay here I have to ask you to cease this hostility.”

“I will stop being hostile when these bots prove that they care about my Bumblebee’s wellbeing” Monarch replied, or rather snarled. “So far I haven’t seen any proof of that.” Optimus awkwardly shuffled in place at this accusation.

Bumblebee, feeling bad for his Prime, decided to try and help him out. “Creator, they do care about me. They have helped me out and even saved me multiple times already. Just last week Mirage managed to stop me from getting shot.” Monarch whipped their head around and both Bee and Optimus had the sudden realization that this was probably the wrong thing to say.

“Someone tried to shoot you!?” they exclaimed, their wrath rolling of them in waves. “WHO?”

Having a bad feeling about what was about to happen, Bee once again tried to deescalate the situation. “Creator, it’s no big deal. It’s war, the cons try to shoot me all the time.” Hearing this, Monarch’s face twisted into an expression of pure rage. Now Bumblebee was absolutely sure that he had said the wrong thing.

“The decepticons have tried to shoot you, nay, kill you multiple times? Unforgivable. I WILL RIP THEM LIMB FROM LIMB!” Monarch turned around and started marching towards the exit. Bumblebee and Optimus hurried after them.

“Creator, please! Calm down!”

“Monarch, the decepticons don’t know that you are on the planet yet, this is a very foolish thing to-”

Monarch stopped, turned around and grabbed Optimus by the shoulders hard enough for the metal to creak and give under their hands. Prime stared at them with nothing but fear in his optics. “I have yet to forgive you for allowing my child to join your stupid army. Try to stop me and I will tear your spark out. Understood?” Optimus could do nothing but nod dumbly as Monarch let him go before they turned around once more and stalked towards the exit. He was left behind, still frozen in fear, all while Bumblebee still tried his best to stop his Creator from taking revenge.

Optimus had never quite realized just how similar Monarch was to Megatron before that moment.

[ectonurites]

heyyy can you talk about kons dating history or atleast with older women? ive seen a few posts but im not sure but thats so ://///

Ahhh yes. Kon’s dating history, I've finally now finished reading all his solo comics (and had already gone through his team books a while back) so it’s a perfect time to delve into this. I’m kinda broadening it to his love interests in general, as not all of them put an official ‘dating’ label on things, but are still worth bringing up. This is kinda long so sorry in advance about that, but I tried to be as brief as possible.

TW for pedophilia (in these specific cases discussing a 23 year old dating a 16 year old, and another woman without a specifically given age [but clearly an adult] with the same 16 year old) obviously i’m not talking about it positively here but it’s unfortunately necessary to discuss with this topic.

I consider Kon as having five primary love interests in the pre-reboot comics world, which is where most of his dating happened. The ‘criteria’ I guess i’m using to separate them from the others i’ll talk about after is a combination of ‘they interacted for a long time’ and/or ‘the relationship had a big impact on his story/him as a person’. 

I’m also mainly sticking in pre-New 52 world for this because aside from the 'fake married to Lophi to protect her and her kid on Gemworld' thing in Young Justice 2019, he hasn't done much with relationships since getting officially reintroduced. Then the New 52 version of Kon was a very separate person and even so he was mainly just (sorta) involved with Cassie.

ANYWAYS the main five are:

Tana Moon - Tana was a 23 year old (as stated in Superboy #32) reporter Kon initially met during Reign of the Supermen, the story he debuted in (meaning she was one of the first people he met), who also happened to move back to Hawaii around the time he ended up there on his press tour. The two of them had an on and off relationship from basically the start of the comic until she broke up with him in Superboy #46. She briefly came back into his life in Superboy #72 after having been kidnapped by The Agenda, before being killed by Amanda Spence in Superboy #74. Kon and several others refer to her as his ‘first love’ especially after her death, which weighed very heavily on him.

Knockout/Kay - A woman we find out was originally one of the Female Furies, who works as a stripper at the 'Boom Boom Room’ in Hawaii while trying to keep a low-profile after leaving Apokolips. We don't get an exact age for her but she's very much so implied to be an adult. She hits on Kon from the moment she meets him (she also quite literally uses the term ‘jailbait’ to describe him in her first appearance in Superboy #1) and kisses him several times, insisting on working with him and training him and eventually beginning a more formal relationship with him. She kills someone and he blindly defends her thinking she couldn’t have done it, and she tries to coerce him into killing someone by promising herself to him (before killing the guy herself when Kon wouldn’t do it). The arc mainly focused on their relationship is from Superboy #22-30, but she is a presence in the comic from the start. She is arrested for the murders she committed at the end of the arc, and doesn't interact with Kon much again after as she is in a high security prison, but she is referenced multiple times.

Roxy Leech - Roxy is the daughter of Rex Leech, Kon's agent. From the moment she meets Kon, also during Reign of the Supermen like Tana, she's got a thing for him. Her age is left a bit more unclear, as some bits of dialogue indicate she is actually close to Kon's age but other things like how she applies to the police academy, something you need to be like 20 to do, indicate she's a bit older. Regardless, she’s definitely younger than Tana as she comments on her age at least once. She actively dislikes both Tana and Knockout for being interested in Kon, and confesses her feelings to him during a 'the whole world might end tonight' situation (in Superboy #33). The two of them didn't really date, but there is a period of time where Kon feels torn between Tana and Roxy. Not too long after that she ends up volunteering herself to be used in a procedure to stabilize Kon's dna after it had been torn apart by The Agenda when they cloned him, as the method to save him required someone close in age to him be used as a genetic template. From that point on they considered each other more like siblings, ending the romantic aspect of their relationship (in Superboy #41)

Serling Roquette - Serling is a 16 year old (as first stated in Superboy #57) science prodigy who works in the genetics department of Cadmus, and is the person who manages to cure Kon's condition where he'd been stuck at age 16 (a side effect from the procedure with Roxy). Initially she had a crush on Guardian, but over time grew to like Kon, she was one of the first people at Cadmus he personally tells his name ‘Kon-El’ to. They only kinda start to get together before Tana comes back and then is killed. After a situation where Roxy came back and needed help, when he and Serling try to maybe pick things up again, Kon realizes Tana’s death is still too fresh for him to get involved in anything too serious with her and he breaks it off, leaving them very tense with one another. (Superboy #82) 

Wonder Girl/Cassie Sandsmark - Cassie had an interest in Kon before she even met him, more of a celebrity crush at first than anything else. They share their first kiss in Wonder Woman #153 after she had tried to change her look to impress him and he reassured her that she was already beautiful the way she is. Cassie was present for Tana's death in Superboy #74, and after that Kon is overly protective of her in a noticeable way that actively annoyed her (She points out to him that she can take care of herself a few times, like in Young Justice #29) but eventually at the end of Young Justice (in #55) he confesses feelings for her, and they share another kiss. Graduation Day bringing about the end of Young Justice as a team kinda throws a wrench in things, but early in Teen Titans Vol. 3 they begin to date more formally, and are getting pretty serious together (cough cough they uhh consummate their relationship in the Kent farm's barn in TT Annual #1) right before Kon is killed during Infinite Crisis. She takes his death very badly and joins a cult to try to bring him back, has her whole thing with Tim (who is coping equally poorly with the death... almost 100 cloning attempts babey), and befriends Kara as a surrogate Teen Kryptonian™, but eventually learns to accept what happened and move on. Then he comes back, and everything's a lot to process all over again. She had become the team leader and things were just different than they used to be. They tried to resume their relationship but eventually Kon decided to end it (Teen Titans Vol. 3 #91), because they both wanted different things at that point in their lives, but they remained friends and teammates.

So when people are talking about the ‘older women’ thing, it should be pretty clear from that list they’re talking about Tana and Knockout. Both were adult women dating a 16 year old boy, and neither situation did enough to handle it in a way that addressed it as the problem it was. Knockout’s situation did end up being seen as a bad thing by the end because of the murder parts at the very least, but the age difference didn’t come up nearly as much. With Tana a few people (Roxy, some of Tana’s coworkers, even Tana herself) did bring up the age difference as a potential problem, but they continued to stay together for a pretty long time regardless. The kicker is that she ultimately breaks up with him for being ‘immature’ after he gets stuck at age 16, when it’s like... he’s 16. You’re 23. No kidding you think he’s immature? It was just a whole mess and makes reading a lot of his solo incredibly uncomfortable.

Additionally he has a few other shorter-lived relationships/potential love interests. I’m categorizing them separately because they weren’t focused on in the same ways/for as much time as the girls I listed above:

Trixie (Superboy #94-100) - When Kon gets his own apartment in Suicide Slum, he repeatedly runs into Trixie and the rest of the Slaughterhouse Six, but Superboy inspires her to try to turn her life around. They didn’t formally date but that was definitely the direction things were starting to head towards before his apartment building blew up and he realized he needed to get away from the city where his presence was painting a target on innocent people, and so they decided to just be friends. (This was also when his solo ended, so possibly if the book hadn’t been ending they may have continued longer)

Batgirl/Cassandra Cain (Superboy #85, Batgirl #39-41) - They first met when Kon had been bugging Tim in Gotham, and had a little adventure together that resulted in Batman being PISSED because he didn’t want Cass interacting with Metas (especially not teenage boy ones that’ll flirt with her) and Kon volunteered to share her punishment so she didn’t have to do it alone. They later meet again shortly after Kon moved in with the Kents while on a cruise (and he’s her first kiss!) and afterwards she goes to Smallville to meet him. She’s actually like the first person outside the Kents we’re shown to know his new civilian name is ‘Conner Kent’. After their little attempt at a date they decide to just stay friends.

Lori Luthor (Various appearances with Kon in Adventure Comics (2009) & Superboy Vol. 5) - When Kon and Lori initially meet there’s definitely some interest and she kisses him, but it happens while he’s still dating Cassie so he makes it clear he’s unavailable. Afterwards he learns who she actually is and realizes ‘oh she’s sorta kinda my cousin on the Luthor side’ so he stops really being interested. She’s still interested because she feels like the cloning doesn’t make them really related, and they talk about it in Superboy Vol. 5 #4 after he and Cassie had broken up, but he still feels too raw from Cassie and too weirded out by the situation to have it go anywhere. Kon helps try to get Lex to cure Lori’s mom (Lex’s sister Lena), and eventually when Lex is an ass in the end he finds another way (Some Wayne money through Tim) to try to help her. Lori figures out Conner is Superboy and along with Simon and Sujan helps him to save Smallville from the Hollow Men.

Ravager/Rose Wilson (Teen Titans Vol. 3 #95-100, kinda some parts of Superboy Vol. 6 if ya squint) - This is another of those ‘they didn’t actually date but there was interest’ situations, in the very end of Teen Titans Vol. 3. A fake version of Rose had kissed Kon which was kinda the catalyst for it, where after that moment he became a bit more protective of her once the real her returned. They had a moment where Kon tried to trust her with something (Kryptonite to take him down if the situation arose) but she saw it more as him thinking she was the one ruthless enough to do it, rather than as a token of trust, and left upset. The reboot happened before this really went anywhere/got resolved though, but interestingly enough she became a bit of a support character in the New 52 version of Kon’s life, likely because of this connection they tried to do before the reboot. They never really dated there either, he just referred to her as cute a few times. New 52 Kon is a very separate person anyways, but it’s worth mentioning.

I might be forgetting a few other minor ones along the way (especially if there’s things that weren’t in his main books), and Kon (especially in the 90′s) was the kind of guy to flirt with pretty much every girl he saw, so bear that in mind. But yeah, I hope this helps!