#and being intimate w them
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don't you find it a little ironic that despite being a smut writer, all my favorite fics aren't smut-centric? that my favorite writing is always something that isn't to do with sex at all?
#cora talking#i write smut fast and dirty#but i cannot bear to write an overly emotional x reader fic#i leave that for my chara x chara fics#because i do not want to have to put myself through my own emotions#why would i want to relive all the heavy things i felt?#i think the worst part is that my smut writing does relatively well on here and on ao3#like everyone loves and vibes with it#and i do love writing it#and i do put hints of emotion in there#but ultimately it's just me avoiding the heaviness that actually comes w loving someone#and being intimate w them
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late morning
#fairy tail#nalu#lucy heartfilia#natsu dragneel#killamonart#could've held back just a lil... lol#tho don't think he really has self restraint like that#mf always doing as he please LOL#also is this a controversial thing to say but like i think that mashima lowkey ships gray and lucy just a bit...#bc of the amount of times he got them paired off and he's taking care of her-- AND I KNOW IT COULD BE JUST HIM BEING A FRIEND#but his actions at times are so... strangely intimate...#even tho he got that whole thing w juvia but sometimes i just think he ended up w her bc.......... she's there#ALSKDFJASL THAT'S A CONTROVERSIAL STATEMENT ISN'T IT...#but like WHY WAS GRAY CHECKING THE INSIDE OF LUCY'S MOUTH WHILE HOLDING HER CHIN LIKE THAT--#you gonna see him do that shit w erza?? no way LOL#anyway ya i'm watching the 100 year quest rn#always catching her when she falls or you see him also shield her...#then again this is also just me enjoying the drama of it all so don't mind me#this aint about him!! this is a nalu post! LMFAOOO#art#fanart#natsu#lucy
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ARE YOU KIDDING ME
via @b1urryy2 on twitter
#thats so boyfriends coded of them#ok but srsly i love their friendship and how they are so intimate w each other again even after being apart so many years#graham coxon#damon albarn#gramon#blur
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So glad I backtracked to do the creche quest. I hadn’t thought a lot about Lae’zel beyond my impression that she was a bit of a cruel tool (in both senses of the word) held together by a rigid adherence to her religious code (which would’ve been fine if not extremely compelling to me, evil women rights etc etc) but then you get to the creche and it’s like oh. I understand you now.
Being taught to slaughter the siblings you grew up with, being told weakness was an offence to your goddess, service to your goddess being the first teaching you ever learn. It’s so damn good.
The way she desperately clings to this idea that it’s all simply a test, but she spills the blood of her kin to protect you like ough. Deep down she already chose, she believed you, before she even knew it herself.
#i loveeeee how the companions all wrestle in some form w their relationships to the divine and to a being#that held power of them (often one and the same)#mystra groomed gale -> shadowheart believes any suffering she encounters at her mother figure’s hands and by extension Shar’s simply HAS to#have meaning and she clings to that -> lae’zel shaped all that she ever was and all that she ever fought for around the being she was#taught to -> Karlach was betrayed by someone who held power over her#-> astarion cried out to the gods but no one answered and he’s been intimately shaped by cazador’s abuse#-> Wyll was failed by his father and is leashed to Mizora’s will#-> hell even the DURGE oh my god. shall you - CAN YOU? - forsake your father’s blood and the you he engineered? AND he’s your god#tunes talks bg
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guysss stop staring lovingly into eachothers eyes we have a facility to run omg guyssssssssssss
#signalis#signalis falke#signalis adler#double art post today yay yay!!!!!!!!!#i have too much fun drawing them because simply i cannot stop#i have a hunger that gnaws at me to draw falkler yuri#all jokes aside though im so happy w how this came out :D#like i said in an earlier post id really like to draw dem being intimate more#so heres another step towards that direction!#originally this was just meant to be a sketch (and i wasnt even sure i was going to post it) but i got kinda carries away sweats#myth.art
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I think I'm starting to get the hang of colors. I think.
ref
#yulma#dgm#d.gray-man#kanda yuu#alma karma#i never draw them being sweet/intimate so I'm trying its just. i try to err on the side of canon personality#but also Kanda is a sap canonly idk its hard......he's very outwardly abrasive n miscommunicates smtg awful but#but hes loyal to a fault. a big fucking fault#and Alma is insane#they r so in love it hurts#been wanting to use that ref for quite awhile but its just so intimate#literally in love w that whole photoshoot so I might draw smtg else
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Your posts are some of the highlights of my tumblr experience – I've always been focused on Luffy/Zoro but before OP:LA released it seemed kinda? Rare, almost? At least in comparison to other things. But now so many people like it too! And are writing wonderful little essays like yours! I feel understood. Personally they've always been a qpr to me (I hold Luffy's basically-canon aroace status VERY close to my heart) in the most soulmate, ride or die, married without even kissing once, forever and always with their own special kind of love no matter what anybody else thinks, kind of way. I love reading your thoughts because even if may not be in the exact same flavour as me (which I respect) I feel like you get them already. Keep having fun! The world of OP has so much in store for you!
don't say such nice things to me i'll cry :(
#asks#zolu#obvi I wasn't in the fandom before opla so I didn't experience what it was like as a zolu shipper but I had noticed a lot of older posts#wishing there was more content / definitely being a smaller ship compared to some of the bigger ones#BUT !!!! opla definitely had some massive zolu moments that I think resonated with people and I definitely saw a spark between them#but the manga and the anime has only solidified that and made me see The Vision (soulmatism) even more#and i'm so glad for you that there's more content now!!! and glad for me!!!!!!#I def see where ur coming from w ace luffy which is 1 of the reasons I made a post a while back about about asexuality & shipping culture#I think their relationship is so transcendent of physicality (not to say its wrong to see them as intimate in that way) but its so based on#their love and respect and utter devotion to each other. to wanting to spend their entire lives together. to sharing their lives 4ever!!!!!#zoro and luffy make me so ill in a way a pairing hasn't in years so i'm so glad to be able to share w u and other zolu stans#its been so fun so far ty sm (seriously) for the encouragement n kind words
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I'm still not 100% sure whether I'm aro or hyper-romantic or if the difference even matters..
me: haha i love my friends (: there's nothing I'd do for a lover i wouldn't do for a dear friend of mine if i think they're cute
> finds out i can love my friends like my lovers and hasn't wanted to “date” anyone in like a year
> treats my lovers and friends the same way and just acts according to each's boundaries
like. literally did not realize until my 29th year of being alive that i was ace bc it's subtle as hell to pick up on if you do have sex. and im just like. i just want to spend my life with everyone who matters to me idc about the semantics or labels I WILL LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART TO THE FULLEST IF YOU LET ME!!!!!!!!!!
there's probably better ways to articulate this but idk lol i just wonder if my perception of romantic feelings isn't actually what everyone else experiences as “romantic feelings”..... the same way i didn't know i was missing sexual attraction bc no one ever stopped to ask me if i actually do like having sex and what i like about it specifically.... like relationships?? LOVE having a web of relationships, but being IN one?? idk 😬 over a decade of monogamy has left me with thoughts and feelings™, mostly being i rly do not care about that and just... want to love my friends and find some friends i can get Real close to, who for all intents and purposes are basically my lovers but aren't actually my partners ykwim.........?? idk................ idk, anyways. Am I Aro Day #462, STATUS: UNKNOWN
#what's funny is as soon as i found out I'm ace i spent the next 24-48 hours like omg am i aro too??#before being like “╰(￣ω￣ｏ) nah i wanna be romantic w hella people” do i?? is being sweet and vulnerable and intimate not#the same thing?? being nice 2 each other and doing things bc they like it and wanting to make them happy??#but i can do these things with friends?? do u understand me...... i don't think romance is a measure of how much u care#but i care sm about sm people im just like..... hello ..? IDK!!!!!!!#at least this isn't driving me as crazy as trying to figure out whether i was ace or not 💀
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what i did not (know i) need(ed) was to end 2024 acquiring *several* more kinks, including a forcemasc kink(? fetish? who knows at this point)
#like yeah brain make it that much harder for me to get (a) bf(s)#bc now my aroaspec ass needs them to be equally as freaky or i will literally not be able to be comfy enough in intimate things#we talk about acespecs being kinky mfers but we never talk about the acespecs needing equally kinky partners#or else they wont be able to get it up irl w/them#forcemasc#ftm nsft#ftm forced masculinization#boy hypno#force masc#nsft#rambling#random shit#rant
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#like. i have a lot of shit wrong with me and i think generally an accurate idea of that stuff#i get that#but i’m always alone. all day all the time i’m just. alone#other people are also flawed. without being always alone#in fact Every one of the biggest assholes i know has person(s) that’s intentionally and voluntarily merged intimate daily lives w them#so like. of all my known problems#i still don’t understand which is the searing neon red flag#that MUST be visible and obvious to everybody else#what about me is so bad? what about me is so much shittisr and worse to be around than other people#or is it something missing? something other people have and i don’t? because i don’t know what that is either#there’s a point where a generally positive opinion of yourself breaks down p rapidly#and that’s when you realize for just how long#and by how many people#you’ve been passed up#like you can think you’re great all you want#and that’s generally important. and can help bridge lonely gaps here and there#but you go a certain length of time where you can’t seem to get anybody else to agree that you’re#worth anybody else’s time or care in a serious and real way#and it’s like oh okay well. so in the real world i’m not worth anything then. that’s what that means#you know. like. me deciding i Am Good is arbitrary and unfounded n doesn’t mean anything#shrugggggggggggg
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sometimes i think abt towa and argentine in the very last manga chapter n cry
#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#waaaa waaaa my lucifer my boy-king and the respect and power he doesn't even want but deserves sm#dark wouldnt want towa n argentine's help if he could go without it!! all his theft has been bc he cared#n its the fact he n dai care tht they genuinely deserve the sort of trust respect n acknowledgement from the niwa fam#that the rest of the world who doesnt properly or intimately know the likes of dark n dai doesnt afford them#i justttt wooooughhhh towa argentine gratefully graciously bowing themselves with fealty#to dark who's always been bearing all this insane burden and self-expectation alone#all by himself#afraid even of that solitude but nevertheless doing everything he could for the sake of#what he felt was right saving the artworks saving precious things even if he had to steal them away and disparage himself#more and more (the more he succeeds the more he disgraces himself as a villain and a criminal)#aaaa waaaa INNER NIWA FAM CHARAS r just so special.... THEY GET TO SEE IT ALL...#how heavy the pressure is on dark n dai both actually despite the superficial layers like elmroot says#the 'outer self' that enjoys being a phantom thief and then the inner that 'hunts his own kind'#how tired dark is sometimes...#well. w/e. point is niwa fam chara writers who ever take this into account ill kiss u forever#dark can be annoying or behave in spoiled/lazy/belligerent ways sometimes but it rlly makes him and dai more like the#rebel angel leader / boy king example i try to write them as. they still care ofc they doooo#it's just they're the equivalent of the highest seat holding together their little country#their miniature empire that dark n the niwa have built up over yrs n yrs n yrs!!#dark never claims himself a king or a prince he doesn't throw his weight or titles around like that#but between paradise lost and POTO's occasional angel of darkness/PRINCE of darkness#the vibes are there in between the lines. they r right there. this dude has so much hes taking responsibility for#even though he doesn't even Have To. but in doing so- he is. and SHOULD rightly be supported#in the manner of someone in service demonstrating loyalty to him#ok. ramble over
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This is a special genre of f1 picture(to ME.)
#ive talked a lot about helmets lately oops#i guess i just rly have an obsession with how they're an extension of the driver#and a representation of them and their only sense of personality and individuality when theyre all geared up#so theres something to me about the separation of helmet from driver like in these pics#of course theres pics of the helmet on its own for model kinda pics(like all the pics i used for my past project posts)#but this is its own genre. helmet doing its own thing. helmet away from the vicinity of its owner#helmet being protected from the elements. it has its own carrying bag. it gets an umbrella. etc etc#the first pic made me on the lookout for pics w a similar vibe. IDK WHY BUT IM RLY OBSESSED WITH IT#having a severe helmet fucker era </3 i look at these and i feel very weird about them 😭#not included cause its a differnt genre but also thinking abt pics where someone other than the driver themselves is holding their helmet#theres something weirdly intimate to me about it. its too reminiscent of that one painting of the germanic warrior holding the roman helmet#<- DO YOU GET WHAT IM IMPLYING HERE.#anyways. i digress. helmet being taken care of and protected is cute to me#its such an extension of the driver so its kinda funny ig that they get their own photoshoots#also yeah these are all nando helmets bcs i couldn't find pics from other drivers that i thought had the same vibe#and i think its interesting how these correlate with whom the photographer is and the level of popularity of the driver#like are you popular enough that someone will see your helmet apart from you and think its important enough for a pic?#and its so interesting comparing pics from the same time from different teams#bcs you can see how different the motivations of the different photographers are based on what the pics are like#well blah blah blah helmet kink blah blah blah#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#helmet
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fuck it juna on the vergioia playlist
#done w faire for the year so im trying to speedrun all the ‼️‼️‼️ i missed while being stressed out of my mind#anyhow i finally looked at the lyrics of juna and learned it is actually the opposite of what i thought 🙈🙈#i thought the lyrics were “With you‚ there's no pretending (that) you know me... and I just might want you... to”#implying the thrill of meeting a stranger and opening up to them (throwing back to the ''most of these days‚ I don't get too intimate - why#would I let you in?'' line) but the implication is actually the opposite 🙈#anyhow i think it's a 🥹 song to go on with both interpretations so!! 🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️ we ride at dawn
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no other thoschei pairing does it like threegado sorry
#i love what nuwho has done w the master/thoschei#like there is probably more interesting character work and stuff#but there is something about them together#hehe funny gay wizards arguing but there's so clearly an intimate history#there's this Tension that just hasn't been matched since#i think it's the fact they're both such distinguished gentlemen in so many ways#underneath it all there's so much yearning and raw emotion and desperation for each other and desire to start over#they're too different now and the only way they can be around each other is being a nuisance#tldr love them so much#thoschei#threegado#delgado!master#3
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📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2
#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore#we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life#i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible#if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green#and later this year i think i might change my name#it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random#i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel#really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am#to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate#but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it#but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so#when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy#i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that#also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk.....#rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els#sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w#not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else#but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway#that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but#all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever#i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right?#i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not#im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help#it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning#nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my#feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions#i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary
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how i feel knowing i've spent the last 6 months convincing myself that he likes me even though it could not be clearer to me now that he absolutely does not
#i'm not even upset i'm more just annoyed i've spent so much time and energy on#being nice to him and supporting him and getting into his interests and hanging out w him#and not only does he not like me but he can't even treat me nicely#like he's actively hostile and aggressive with me#who else remember when he said he loves me ridiculously. who else remember when he told me#a list of all the reasons he used to have a crush on me without me asking#who remember when he used to walk across rooms past everyone else to come talk to me#and once did it about 10 times in a rehearsal#fuck my life. i can't believe this is where this has gone lmao#it's like. i don't think he's a bad person and i do think he loves me and cares about me#he would not spend... 11 hours at my house if he did not#but he does not behave in a way that makes me feel loved and cared for and i think that matters#if it was my choice i would probably choose not to be friends with him anymore#but at this point he has told me so much and sees our relationship as so intimate and vulnerable#that i don't think i can end the friendship without deeply upsetting him#lol. this is why i need to go missing but like consensually#i need to go somewhere for a year and live my best life and not have to worry about#being guilty about ghosting people or not talking to them. lol#okay. well whatever i'm quite upset and bummed out and don't know what to do#but tbh it's worth putting up w him being mean to me to get his lore bc i love studying him like a bug.#so yenno what i have nothing to complain about actually#maia.txt
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