#what about me is so bad? what about me is so much shittisr and worse to be around than other people
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#like. i have a lot of shit wrong with me and i think generally an accurate idea of that stuff#i get that#but i’m always alone. all day all the time i’m just. alone#other people are also flawed. without being always alone#in fact Every one of the biggest assholes i know has person(s) that’s intentionally and voluntarily merged intimate daily lives w them#so like. of all my known problems#i still don’t understand which is the searing neon red flag#that MUST be visible and obvious to everybody else#what about me is so bad? what about me is so much shittisr and worse to be around than other people#or is it something missing? something other people have and i don’t? because i don’t know what that is either#there’s a point where a generally positive opinion of yourself breaks down p rapidly#and that’s when you realize for just how long#and by how many people#you’ve been passed up#like you can think you’re great all you want#and that’s generally important. and can help bridge lonely gaps here and there#but you go a certain length of time where you can’t seem to get anybody else to agree that you’re#worth anybody else’s time or care in a serious and real way#and it’s like oh okay well. so in the real world i’m not worth anything then. that’s what that means#you know. like. me deciding i Am Good is arbitrary and unfounded n doesn’t mean anything#shrugggggggggggg
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